#it just makes me so sad bc i cant let go of ppl easily

[bunnihearted]

people leave me but they always have someone else to fill up that space while i keep being all alone bc ppl - who and what they are - and what we shared, really truly mattered to me and i cant just let go and move on and just pick someone new to transfer all of that on... :( and i just wanna talk to them and i miss them but they fill that space talking to the person they actually wanna talk to. it just makes me feel so lonely. and to me, ppl are special. i cant just suddenly stop caring about them and start caring about someone new. im so so so so lonely always in everything i just wanna cry

[liverpool-enjoyer]

hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

[jiminjeonging]

i feel like jimin is a very insecure person. she knows she’s pretty when she’s on stage and dolled up and she knows the whole nation is obsessed with her looks. but I think that’s taken a toll on her because she’s always afraid to show her bare face. going as for as covering it when she arrived to the airport and asking for a mask just feels really sad tbh. also that live where she was waiting for ningning to wake up, she had some really light makeup and kept going “do I look okay? i didn’t want to go live with this face” and i think she’s starting to rely on makeup a lot to feel pretty. like she doesn’t feel comfortable without it if that makes sense, even though she looks amazing either way.

i think she’s really confident in her body and loves to show it but sometimes may resent it because of how people treat her. she might have a love hate relationship with herself and I think minjeong would’ve been there to support her. jimin saying she’s not pretty without makeup and minjeong going EXCUSE ME???? like minjeong hasn’t always been that good at showing affection but i think she’s made it a habit to always compliment jimin and remind her of how beautiful she is

i agree with you!! i've been thinking about something like this ever since she said 'i want to make an asmr channel without showing my face i think i will have about 4 subs mom dad sister grandma' or her always asking on fancalls why do fans like her. she wants to be appreciated more for her talents, humor and such rather than ppl always looking at her like a piece of meat. she started to be more insecure about her bare face too these days since now so many ppl are watching her and she thinks if shes less than perfect she would be criticized(this is true tho unfortunately just remember how everyone was on her ass for watching mha). like i dont think mj was being gatekeepy when she posted about their brunch but rather was respecting jm's whishes since she was bare faced and didn't want to be seen like that. thats why she started to care much more about what fans think too. especially after 0227 even though i think it was fake, jm saw how some fans are ready drop her, she saw 3 trucks infront of her workplace and shes now terrified that they will leave. she wants to please every single one of her fans so bad.

i also think shes confident in her own skin but theres a difference between an outfit she choose for going out and wearing something someone else picked out for you infront of thousands. she was so ucomfy in both musinsa event and yesterday. jm isn't naive too, she knows what ppl think when they see her like that and she doesn't want to be perceived like that. i think jm is in such a sticky situation because she wants to be free so bad but doesn't want to lose everything she worked for, she loves her job but she hates that she just cant sing and dance and be done with it, she is under a lot of pressure while ppl around her and mj wants to help, always compliment her, this is an idea exist in her head and thats very hard to fix when she was born into this society on top of all that. i just hope this doesn't affect her mentally in long term and she learns to let go. i dont think she cares much about people that hates her but she cares a lot about her fans which can suck sometimes since they can be her biggest haters too and wants to be perceived as a good person in general publics eyes. being good with the gp is a concern she has since debut too bcs of bullying accusations and thats why she will always hide a part of herself infront of cameras. even though shes such a genuine person we will never know for sure how shes really like irl. i think thats why some ppl get surprised about the stuff members say about her like her being a slytherin or the idea of her getting angry easily. we are only seeing a part of her shes letting us to see which obviously comes from a lot of insecurities and ofc she has every right to not want every part of her life to be exploited. also she doesn't want to seem like she cares so much about trivial things, wants to seem strong and carefree.

in short i think she resents the fact shes being exploited but she thinks thats an obligation she has to endure to keep the job she loves and being perceived like that makes her insecure and drives her to be want to be perfect all the time. this is true for most idols ofc but since jm is at top right now she feels that more than anyone.

[thingsiwroteforhim]

Collecting memories ✨️

you wouldn't want to hurt the person you love

im sorry if i hurt you

idk how low i should go and how of a fool i should be to know whats my fault and if i could ask ur forgiveness

if it was bcs of what i wrote here, let me explain what i remember, i hope u dont just dismiss it

i did feel tired and confused bcs of ur action, i heard lots of things about u and somehow ur actions kinda confirm those

i cant read u easily like others, sometimes u make me feel like u reciprocate my feelings but at the same time u also push me away

i wrote bcs i felt sad and wish u'd be more clear towards me, but i didn't show how actually frustrated i am in front of u cause i wanna make it work despite everything ive heard

i did meet my ex, bcs i want to stop him from contacting me and i want to cut ties with him. it happen that he also got engaged so i feel relieved, i wish him happiness bcs he used to be there for me but things didnt work out, i dont even feel anything when i see him

i dont feel mad at u bcs i know i dont hv the right to be

but pls forgive me if i did sth wrong to u or hurt u in any way i didnt know

its really fine if u dont hv the same feelings toward me, maybe we r lesson learnt for each other

if i could say sth that u can learn from this, be clear and more assertive, make boundaries to ppl u dont want, know what u want and go for it, dont make the person u want ever doubt anything, dont dismiss ppl and be clear towards them

and it has been months, even almost a year, i think i tried my best, maybe my feelings dont get through u despite how it looks obvious to everyone, but its fine.. i genuinely like u and i dont resent u at all, i really wish u found the person u look for, and help u heal all the wounds that i think i saw in u

dasar jamet kudasi

[prettybutter-flyy]

Went to see The Whale last night. I has conflixting thoughts but this is my ultimate review. Trigger warning, i will probrably use fatphobic language, sure it's something to unpack, but the movie was harsh and real. If you ever see the movie itself, they clearly wanted you to use the words i will use to discribe the main character

It was about a man, Charlie, who only cares about 3 things: his job (an English teacher), his kid, his long dead lover. At its core, its about a sad man who needs help coming out of a major depression, as when his love died, so did he essentially. And so he let himself go bc nothing else mattered, until he started seeing his daughter again, who he abandoned when she was young (for the now dead lover).

I liked the movie but i dont think i could ever watch it again. It was an incredibly hard thing to watch, especially considering my poor relationship with food. Some scenes were meant to be s grotesque, I had to look away. And being a little fat myself, i was a bit embarrassed and disgusted to find myself eating at the same time as Charlie, bc when food came into the frame, it almost always led to a gross scene. And The fat suit was definately used in good taste, charlie wasnt ever the subject of scutiny or the butt of a harmful joke... So thats about as far as i can get without spoiling it really.

Zpoilerz

Charlie's character is beautiful. It was clear a lot of love went into developing him. He looks for the honesty of people - sort of - sometimes he looks for honesty just to ignore it, like when it comes to his weight. But you can tell he really appreciates when people are honest with him, even if he ignores it, because he keeps the honest people around him. And hes got a good sense of humor about him. He knows he's so big hes going to die, his friend/caregiver told him several times before the movie started. But he ignored that, and instead of changing his lifestyle, he made plans to give his money away to his daughter when he dies.

Thats how little he cared about himself and those that loved him.

My favorite part of this film was the music. I remember actively saying "this music is fucking me up" to my date. Throughout the film, charlie soothes himself by reading an essay on the complexities of Moby Dick, the titular Whale. Its such a good essay (written by his daughter), he wants it to be the last words he hears. But the score was heavily pirate/ocean/Whale themed - heavy brass, rolling waves of sound. Several times in the movie, because of the music, I felt like i was stuck at sea, among a shipwreck, no life boat in sight. Much like how i imagine charlie was feeling in those moments. Its sad but i would recommend this movies simply for the ability to portray a sea of sorrow and saddness simply through music.

And then the pun of the name, the Whale, Moby Dick. I dont think i need to explain the metaphor. But i will, bc some ppl havent ready Moby Dick (for the purposes of understanding this movie? maybe give it a read! I dont think itd make sense without it! For fun? Dont waste your time. Its mad old timey. And a lil boring) the but the Whale in bith pieces are metaphors for just... a huge challenge the MC is working on overcoming. In MD, Captian Ishmel (?, the main pirate) is living his pirate life doing pirate thing, but has ongoing sexual tension with this literal Whale that refuses to be caught- that's a joke but he really wants to capture that fucking Whale one day. Much like Charlie having to overcome all the the extra weight he's allowed himself to gain. He let it get out of control and now he knows its either the weight or himself really.

Throughout the movie, i thought of all the ways Charlie (and lets be honest, his loved ones) let himself get so big. As a fat person myself, you don't just wake up fat. Its so gradual. Like, first youre weazing and cant breathe coming up the stairs, then your knees get weaker, and your backaches, and you cant easily get out of bed or off the couch, then you actually have to start investing money into stuff that makes being fat easier for you. that is a life you have to choose every single day (*unless of course you have a medical condition*) And then your loved ones have to keep feeding you and feeding you and not forcing you to get up to feed yourself, to move your body. That's a failure of everyone involved. As much as i wanted to believe his caregiver friend loved him, she enabled him by feeding him. What's he supposed to do, starve? No. But he can get up and feed himself. The fact that stuff like that happens in real life makes me sad.

His daughter is the first person to challenge him. He reminds him what he has to live for in a very dramatic and heavyhanded reading of her 8th grade Moby dick essay, which i thought did a LOOOT of heavy lifting throughout the movie. I wish theyd pulled more from the source material and maybe made a direct comparison rather than the allusion to the paper. But I get it, he likes essays and his daughter and this is his daughters essay .

His daughter was probrably my favorite character. She was extremely well written. I knew they were going to go the "genius rebellious teen" when she hit us with her opinion on the dumb ass books we have to read as kids in high school. They werent worth our time but if you say that youre seen as a dummy who didnt read it. Im not dumb, animal farm is dumb!

Anyways! One of the first things she does is tell her father to walk to her. Partially to embarrass him but he also very clearly cares about him. She offers to make him a sandwich, but out of either cruelty or love, she tells him "but itll be small". Which made me laugh out loud.

And then theres the Whale itself: charlies fat. Charlie's fat is almost a character itself. It feeds itself, it takes care of itself, it has a mind of its own. Charlie's has whole drawers dedicated to candy and has rigged ojut his ceiling so he can get out of bed easier, he works from home so he never has to move from the couch. It is an overlooming part of the film. It colors all of his decisions and dialouge. He calls people he doesn't like to help him pick stuff up that is out of reach, and they come!

I wish real life were as simple as in the movies. Charlie knows why he eats. His dead lover. In real life its not just boiled down to the one thing. Life sucks. We all have our vices but this is the one people judge the most for. Its not the only addict that is worn on the body, but youll never hear anyone calling a drug addict disgusting. Or a sex addict. Or a taxidermist. Or a dentist. They get much more compassion as their vices are much more easily hidden.

My point is, that scene where he insisted that guy call him disgusting for the sake of "honesty" was sad. But it's a sort of self harm I do constantly. Like just tell me im fat, tell me im ugly and thats why you dont wanna hang out. Just say it!

Its really easy to just forget why we live. We didn't make it easy to remember, we actually made it pretty difficult to want to live. (Without drugs or excessive foods or coping mechanisms). But the movie was a good reminder to remember why you're here. Why you're doing any of this. Its those little moments filled with shit we actually care about- our daughters, our hobbies, etc.

It a reminder that we can overcome ourselves and do things we need to do, over what ee think we want.

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

[transrightsjimin]

let me just scream

just bypassed like 80 students on campus, all obviously umasked, huddled together nd talking loudly in each others' faces nd i looked in disgust but then colleagues saw me nd waved nd i had to muster the ability to eye smile at them quickly nd not make the same angry look at them. even though i dont like them either bc theyre rather rude nd have expressed before they want the mask policy in hallways to be dropped. well here u go! it's gone now! fcking assholes

my colleague i work most w told me cautiously yesterday tht he understands i still wear facemasks when it's not required anywhere except public transport nd he wears them too in shops etc nd is concerned for his child too, nd that was a bit of a relief to get tht compassion for once. he said tht i need to acknowledge more that many ppl do not think the same nd i cant get into discussions abt this at my new job. nd i know hes right nd that i get caught up in heated discussions too easily w/o even liking it nd it just results in me ending up sad and/or angry. like i rly do need to learn to not say smth abt this even if it's because the Nth person reacts dramatically to me abt my facemask or complains abt them in general to me. like i rly need to just shut up more bc it never ends well for either person nd i get too frustrated w how fucking stupid the dutch are but i honestly shouldnt even be that angry at some ppl who e.g. dont know the virus spreads through aerosoles or that u can still v much get infected while sitting down unmasked or that kids can get infected or tht masks r not just to protect urself, like all of this should be obvious to me but when local politicians nd media nd everything is so corrupted nd corporate nd communicates nothing but the same anti-scientific bs for over a year i cant exactly blame everyone for not knowing better unless they specifically look for it or were already following less bootlicking news outlets or just. anyone whos not one of the many capitalists tht have the most influence over these shit (non-)policies nd framing "enterpreneurs" as the greatest victim etc

rant aside. i dont know how im supposed to stay sane when i feel like breaking down in tears every fcking day over this nd seeing how my new workplace (a UN1V3S1TY?? but one very oriented at business in a very rightwing city) sends emails in celebration of even more measures being let go and i got invited for an event w no rules etc and im just. aaaaaaa. ALMOST NO STUDENTS HERE EVEN GOT 2 VACCINE SHOTS, MANY NOT EVEN THEIR FIRST?? BUT YES LETS TALK ABT HOW GREAT IT IS THT EVERYTHING IS GOING BACK TO ""NORMAL""!

ok rant is over for real now

[janexeu]

     though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JANE MÁRQUEZ is actually a descendent of HYPNOS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SIX year old DEMIGOD ELEMENTARY EDUCATION MAJOR from NEW ORLEANS, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite SACRIFICIAL & STUBBORN.

( she’s b-b-b-back on her bs : katya ! tis uhm ,,,, a lil bit of a chonk of an intro but ill try 2 b cute w it. any time u wanna yeet jus peep the gif again & forgive me bc Look At Her ! )

POWERS ( more info here )

hypnokinesis  — p much made her a glorified babysitter w lynch-esque wacko dreams. it got stronger naturally as she got older, but jus w herself n eventually the ppl shes real close w. its also gotten a lot better since comin to eonia 

seeing gods in dreams  — she doesnt hang out w em every fridays at tgifs but like ,,, if she had Pertinent Questions she cud smhw make it happen. found out abt her being a demigod at age 10 when she met hypnos

memory retrieval — shes got great memry of her own but bc she knows it can help w grief n all that, shes been learnin in eonia how to do it 4 others if they mayb wanted it

BIO POINTS 

her single ma died during childbirth so jane's been in the foster care system since 5ever. attempts at reunification nvr worked out but thankfully she got real lucky w her group home and foster families. twas stable enough to not emotionally scar her even further but the instability of it all was fosho a big ol’ lot and has influenced her rigidness in sum aspects of her life

she lived p much as a mortal even tho her powers r a lil freaky. never went to camp but it worked out bc all her abilities r internal and cannot be Perceived by others. she had a talk w hypnos abt what 2 do n he mentioned camps but also gave sum monster avoidance tips ( like rarely use ur powers, maybe learn self defense, yada yada ) n she jus ,,, did that so she cud continue livin real normal w the mortals. logistics of camp stressed her out esp bc shes livin w non-family n stuff yk it was All Too Much, miss her w the added demigod stress tyvm

got married at 23 to her childhood sweetums luis, but he ,,, died abt a yr later fr a car accident. coma for 2 weeks n jane p much slept the entire time in his hospital room, visitin his dreams n talkin to him. twas a life support sitch so they eventually decided to pull da plug whch was real sad but like she's processed it 2 da best of her abilities. her powers helped a lot in the coping too n she visits memories of him in her dreams smtms when it gets real sad then shes ok again bc life goes on n life is pretty uwu

bc of her bg round kids of all kinds, shes always been passionate abt em. always takin babysittin/tutor gigs and went to community college so she cud teach n then worked as an elem teacher. only started considerin goin 2 eonia 4 postgrad when she had a student who showed signs n strugglez of bein a demigod. she eventually got to talk to their godly parent 2 confirm n she was shocked pikachu meme, real concerned for all those youngins who hav no clue what to do ! or how to cope ! bc they cant facetime w the olympians lyk she can ! so cue her discussin eonia w luis a lot then a year after the accident, broke out the pro-con list again. took abt *checks watch* another yr til she finally decided to zoom 2 athens but then whoosh she did !

PERSONALITY

yearning ? idk her — shes can be a bit of a take it as is typa chick. can be a lil literal jsksj not dumb but like ,,, def doesnt read into things enuff to pine n long n year yk. some things might def fly over her head. she says Yes To Serotonin in this house. she dk the the mitskis n the sikens n the carsons ; its all mary oliver up in this joint. we just tryna luv life n be grateful folkz

le freak, say chic ! — control freak, that is. growin up in an unstable envi meant shed cling 2 stability n independence, wrvr she cud get it. so when it comes 2 the way she does things, she can be real a heel digger. also bc she has 2 deal w kids yk so it can b A Lot n shes v stern lyk dat. ofc she wont infantilize the eonians .,,,. or will she ? big sis vibes outta control. she means well tho always always means well. itll also b v hard to get her 2 giv up on sum1 bc life ? she luvs it n knows u can too

changes by david bowie — is decidedly skipped on the playlist. she doesnt like change !!! i mean she knows its inevitable but still not entire unavoidable. ever since she got out of the system, shes had a partner n her own way of doing things n its been workin out so why change it yk ? she says time may change me but jokes on u i can sorta trace time 

rip but im different — this goes out to all em whores in this house. she respectz ur hustle but like ,,,, not her thang. girl doesnt even get drunk when she drinks bc she doesnt rlly drink sksjsk doesnt like the taste of it, big baby ! but like she's Lived, its more like. ok tried it, not for me. thanks tho. also for all the meanies in the house, y’all perplex her. shes empathetic n wont show the judgement but smtms shes lowkey lyk .,., ur how old n u had all this goin 4 u n ur still so rotten ? how u actin like a 7yo w a trantrum ? scratch head, make it make sense

at least u tried — dad jokes, bad puns, tries to be big jokester but isn't funny. she's pretty tho so she gets away with it. idk wht else 2 say ur honor. shes the type thatll embarrass u w affection

well that was Awkward — probably sum1 abt her if  they see her actin a Fool bc shes in a foreign sitch or topic. when shes a fish outta water then she can be so ! easily ! flustered ! which is p much her in eonia. shes not new new but theres way 2 much godly shennanigans for her to wrap her head ‘round n sis has never gone to camp so its ice bucket challenge level shock from time to time still w da magics n lore

til death do us part — yknow when death cab for cutie said i knew that u wer a truth i wud rather lose than 2 hav nvr lain beside at all ? how abt when they wrecked me by rudely sayin love is watching sum1 die ? yes ? no ? nywy thats jane 4 ya. if she loves then shes in and if shes in then she is all in, luke danes stylez

was that a vivid enough picture or did i just word vom the same things agen n agen sjksjs jus know shes cute n sweet if a lil frustrating n annoying bc shes stubbornpants mcgee. may or may not have a slight compulsion to help fix other ppl ..,,.. someone set her str8 n tell her fix u by coldplay isnt it !!!  

OTHER INFO 

5′9″ born 4 october 1994, virgo sun n moon

not a freshie ! idk how long her program is but like ,,, lets ignore that 4 now ok jus kno that she been here a while

yogi & boxing enthusiast back at home. hc her mans got real into the martial arts w her when hypnos told her she gotta learn how 2 defend so that was one of their things : bonding by workouts so jane cud protecc herself if need be

her maiden name’s jane fulton. got her mommas surname but the name jane ? thats some jane doe bs some rando picked out for her which she hated at first but then seeing tarzan made her go hmmm, ok bet !

lgbtq+ alliance president ! identifies as pan

she met her late hubbie when they were abt 7ish, real friends 2 lovers cuteness. jane was there for him throughout his entire coming out & transition ergo her passion for the community esp queer kids bc she was That Cis Ally for her mans. wears her ring as a real lowkey necklace now

shes also real passionate abt sleep. will ask u how did u sleep last night p much every day u see her bc ppl spend like half their lives asleep catherine ofc shes gonna ask

her fave thing abt eonia ?  the whole siblings bit. shes had 2 make do w what she got n build a family from scratch so this ? she luvs it a lot let her give u kithes hypnos babies

shes p well versed in the greek thingies but only thru the knowledge mortals gets + dream info. after her realizin who she is, all things ancient greek jus sorta became her niche interest ykwim ? shes not like Super Learned abt it more like ,,, ok i gotta at least make Sum sense outta all this, gotta learn what i can. imagin how embarrassin it wud b 2 see a god in ur dream n then go : sorry to this man. nope. not jane, not her, nuh-uh 

luv languages : words, acts of service, physical touch !

useless hcs but she loves disney sfm ok. smtms dresses up as princess tiana for bday parties n shit bc shell do nythin 2 put a smile on the kids n babs faces

ya like jazz ? bc jane surely does ! adores motown & 60s music. nina simone owns her. no one drag peggy lee from 101 dalmatians ! not an important hc but i jus wanted to quote my bubble butt winged bee lover barry

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

children ! infants ! babies !

demigods that make her scratch head damn u live like this ? but also wud knife emoji to protect n care for. shes not the oldest on campus but shes been livin independently p much her entire life so she finks shes got a tight grasp on the myth that is Adulting  

srsly tho the Big Sis vibes is off the charts w this one. shell perserve u dumdums

baddie influencies !

convince her 2 get drunk at a party ! bc she never does. convince her to maybe try drugs ! or go hook up ! do smths impulsive idk jus smth new !

gl tho bc shes not rlly ,,, easily influenced But she can b reasoned w ! in general i fink its just gonna be a fun dynamic if y/m knows how to coax sum wildness outta her or w/e bc thotty yummy theyre hotty yolo rzning jus wont do w this gal. will most likely get argumentative like a big ol momma hen but if u win then ur winning big

Sleep Now or forever hold ur peace !

idk sum1 she helps w their messy sleep ? shes def not super public w it, surely knows her other siblings r Better at it but if  y’all are close, she probs enjoys doin it 4 ya. she runs her hair thru fingers a lot when she does it. like a lot a lot unless u tell her to get lost

lover boi, lover gorl, lover enby !

she can be a lil traditional when it comes to how she views rels. she wants all that meetcute courting bs ! no gender roles tho n u best be sure shes not constantly comparin w her late hubbie ,,, but she jus wants smth magical n 2 be wooed again yk ?

so yea ,,, crushers mayhaps ? sum1 who is tryin 2 woo her ? sum1 she had a meetcute w and now janes got lowkey heart eyes for em ? idk lotsa possiblities but pls keep in mind she is not good at the flirtings so hav mercy on her 

eonia tour guide !

or jus friends who like ,,, constnatly fill her in w all the godly stuff n whatnot. years of not goin 2 camps mean u miss out on a lot ! explore ruins w her n get her info her mortal educ didnt make her privy 2 yk 

head real empty atm i will think of sum n let y’all know when i do, but give us all the conekshunz. friends, enemies, the usual bit, lgbtq alliance peeps, lmk whats up whats done whats cookin we want it all

( shes p much a new muse n da result of me tryna bring in an emotionally healthy kid to this sad sad university. janes in a v good well-adjusted place rn n is my therapy muse bc that other bitch m** is a messy handful. but wbk life aint linear so mayhaps shit’ll hit da fan or one of y/m will ruin her lmfao press f pls ! but also color me eyes emoji bc we love to see it )

[dolphin-enthusiast]

hello there buttercup!! 🌟💝☀ it's lovely to see you again this night, morgy dear! i hope today was much better for you than yesterday, you do only deserve nice and pleasant days after all dolcezza 💞💞 (1/12?)

"in all seriousness, i'm sorry to hear that yesterday was so terrible for you my darling, but the hard part is over, you got through it! its hard when things get overwhelming, but please remember that it's okay to take a step back and get through it one day at a time!! make sure to do some things that you find relaxing/enjoyable, and if you do need/want a little cheering up at any time, don't be shy to let me know!! i have a lot of tricks up my sleeve hehe 💓 (2/12)

and oh my, you like cheesecake too dear?? ahhh it's one of my favorite classic desserts!! my favorite kinds are strawberry, key lime, and this special family recipe of mine,, it's a limoncello cheesecake with a touch of strawberry compote, it's especially refreshing during the summer! oh goodness, i'll have to make it for you sometime, i bet you'd love it! ✨ (3/12?)

ah, and the accident?? i actually don't mind talking about it since it was so many years ago, i've worked through it enough,, so i can tell you! a warning though: it is pretty brutal, so for those who are easily triggered, please scroll past for your well-being! (4/12)

it happened the weekend after one of my annual finale ballet recitals, which was strange timing indeed,, my mamma and i were driving down a highway to go home from an appointment, when a car behind us suddenly swerved and hit us from the left side, towards the back,, unfortunately i took most of the impact, but thankfully my mom wasn't too injured, just in shock (5/12)

i don't remember much except flashing lights from the police cars and people yelling, but a few minutes later i found myself being carried and placed into the back of a truck,, apparently a good samaritan wanted to help drive us to the hospital since it would take too long for the ambulance to arrive, i fell asleep and woke up in the ER (6/12)

and thank god, i didn't have any life-threatening injuries or any broken bones, just a very sprained ankle, a concussion, and cuts/bruises from glass shards,, i only stayed for a night and then we both left quickly,, what caused me to sadly stop ballet and skating wasn't the injuries themselves as much as it was the aftermath (7/12)

i found myself having a very painful time when trying to execute different moves and my endurance took a severe hit,, we soon determined that continuing such high-intensity sports in this state would be detrimental to my body,, (8/12)

it was truly crushing since being a prima donna was little me's biggest dream, but not everything works out,, i've greatly recovered over the years, but it's still difficult to do certain things because of the after-effects, so for now i'll just continue dancing and just watch figure skating and ballet from the sidelines! (9/12, i had to go on anon since i hit the limit 😅)

anyway, aside from the sad stuff, today was quite relaxing for once!! i actually ate a nice breakfast today, and i ended up spending my morning lounging around and playing minecraft, which was nice 🌸after cooking dinner for my family, i went to check on the bunnies again, and today they got themselves into a sticky situation hehehe 💫 there's a section of the garden that's fenced off, where different types of hot peppers grow,, (10/12)

they're not allowed in there since the pepper plant leaves are extremely spicy and not good for them to eat,, but somehow, they were able to jump the high fence and get inside!! the poor little bunbuns were trapped and couldn't find a way out... so i had to lure them close with vegetables and pick them up (which took all of 10 minutes) they're little troublemakers, but i guess they make up for it with cuteness 🌺 (11/12)

boh,, i seem to be getting sleepy now, maybe that's why a headache came on all of a sudden! well, i guess i'll take my leave for the night!! sleep well amore, i'll be thinking of you 💘- love from the moon and back, waifu xoxo 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗ps: rollerblading hm?? ooh, maybe you could teach me~ 😘 (12/12)"

Let me start off by saying that ur so lucky u made it out without any severe injuries like....ur life really sounds like a movie bc wtf🤡🤡 u went thru some real shit yet here u are snatchin wigs and acting like an angel, we all dont deserve u fjdhdjd like honestly thats so fucked?? Imagine loving to do smth only to not be able to do it anymore and ur dreams being shattered bc of smth like an accident that was someone else's fault happenin...its a damn shame and i hope maybe someday u will be able to pick up on ballet or ice skating again and i'll be personally looking for the one who did this

On another note, im glad u relaxed again bruh shhchd i also a d o r e cheesecake and its one of my fav desserts, i acc really love the strawberries, blackberries and raspberries ones the most (although lemon ones arent bad either and i once tried an orange one which was g o o d) 😩😩 thank u as always for whising me the za best also, unfoetinately today my volleyball practice was canceled due to cases increasing again and the coach said they'll resume in the following weeks so 🗿🗿🗿🗿

AnYwAYs u lookin our for the bunnies is still the cutest most disney princess thing ever and im all for it👁️ also i def will have to teach u rollerblading fjshhss ppl say its the same as ice skating but i beg to differ....while i can rollerblade like a pro i cant ice skate to save my own ass s o-

[madiiko12]

new york’s very own madison ‘madi’ ko was spotted on broadway street in chanel sneakers . your resemblance to kim chungha is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being obsessive , but also ambitious . i guess being a virgo explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be glittery eyes, dangling earrings, & chanel draped in pearls.  ( cisfemale & she/her) + ( kale, 20 , she/her , est. )

hi honeybuns !! im back and with child. there is a brief mention of an ed under the cut but i block it off with a tw start & end.    if you’d like to plot pls leave a like and i can dm you or hit you up on discord !! my discord is kale#3079  

BACKSTORY

haneul madison ko was born september 18, 1999 to two immigrant parents from S.K. her birth name is haneul, but she went by the name madison since it was easier to pronounce + madi began to almost detest her culture??

it was just that growing up she would sometimes get bullied for looking different at her school, for the way her packed lunches smelled/looked, the way people would stare if she spoke korean to her parents, how other kids would make fun of her english since she didn’t pick up on vocab/grammar as quickly since she didn’t practice at home with her parents. she just became SO insecure about it that she rejected her culture. she wouldn’t bring her mom’s food to school, if her mom ever forced her to take it she’d throw it away  and choose to starve instead. she wouldn’t speak korean back to her parents in public, barely even in private (which reeaaallly upset her parents). this also REALLY destroyed her korean language skills. she can understand still, but she can barely hold a basic conversation anymore.

as she grew up, and continued this sense of distancing herself from her culture, she ultimately distanced herself from her family. which left her feeling -  - alone often, even though it was all due to her own choices. in this loneliness, she found her escape in music. she would wear headphones constantly through the halls, in car rides, in her room when her parents yelled at her to turn the music down. she just loved music. she saved up the money her parents gave her whenever she worked at the nail salon (her parents owned it!!) to thrift an old keyboard. she became self-taught by trying to copy melodies of songs she’d listen to, thrifting piano lesson books, staying after school with the music teacher learning to play. sometimes she’d even skip lunch to sit in the chorus room with her choir director and play.

it’s not that she had a LACK of friends growing up, maybe just that she lacked a best friend. she had a lot of friends, but no one that she felt so connected to in the way she felt connected to music. perhaps, she was addicted to her loneliness.

she spent a lot of time playing the piano and dabbling in writing music that her grades started to fall (not that she was ever the BEST student) and her parents literally took away her piano. they said it was a waste of time because they wanted her to focus on doing well, so she could get into a good university, and then live a good life. music was just a distraction

but that didnt work

she would sneak out into the city to go to concerts and poetry readings. she’d sneak out and go to indie songwriters scenes while her parents thought she was at the library with one of her school friends

This underground scene had her full heart!! she was surrounded by likeminded people who just lived for music. she was hearing all of these incredible people who were all looking for their start. maybe not looking for anything at than just to sing their songs. tbh i think this was the point she was happiest. she was completely enveloped in music, just for the sake of music. There wasn’t any pressure, just music. Just the songs. she was wide eyed looking at this whole underground scene of artists. So maybe some plots from these underground charas?!

she’d perform some songs at karaoke nights and the indie sessions, and a producer took a keen interest in one of her songs. basically im kind of stealing halsey’s career start, but she posted a song Came in Close on SoundCloud and just blew up overnight. in the morning, she woke up to a record label asking her to fly to LA for a meeting.

and thus, Madison Ko began a career as Madi Ko where she’d release her debut album, Honey, a few months later. (DISCOGRAPHY HERE). her music is very 80s synth inspired!

new album that is most definitely CRJ’S EMOTION is coming soon...

PERSONALITY

right off the bat, madi is an absolute firecracker!! she’s loud, bursting with personality, has a lack of inhibitions that CHAOTICALLY mixes with her spontaneity

part of this is projecting her insecurities. she felt lonely as a child but doesn’t want to be seen as that to the world. it’s not so much a persona but an exaggeration of who she was. 

she likes to show off her glam bc it, once again, hides her insecurities. 

she just kind of is dramatic anymore

like everything about her

her persona as Madi Ko, upcoming popstar underdog, is like DUNKED in glitter, over the top stages and sets, draped in couture. basically her stages/outfits/dances/mvs are like Chungha’s but with Pale Waves and Carly Rae Jepsen VC. ex: 1, 2, 3, 4

also bc im obsessed with chungha’s famous diamond wink, IT’S GONNA BE MADI’S THING TOO. so basically madi has trended on twt a few times bc of her signature diamond wink bc she effing glues rhinestones and glitter under her eyes for performances !! she said fuck corneas !! ex: 1, 2, 3      ....god chungha is magical

so while madi is like a brand hypebeast n never shuts up, she can also get,,, easily annoyed. and heavily perceives ppl on first impressions despite that being the reason she felt misunderstood a lot growing up. 

definitely argumentative!!! will blow up arguments for no reason n then later questions why she made it such a big deal but cant own up to her mistakes

when she decides she doesnt like you, SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU. it’s done. bridge is burned, she’s not keen on second chances

fame has definitely given her a bit of an ego problem --- she’s a bit more aggressive, self-obsessed while intrinsically insecure, is too busy flaunting her material possessions and trendy life that she can...lose touch of reality. basically most of her high school friends cant stand her. HC that her high school bf broke up with her bc she was no longer was the madison ko he knew!!! so if anyone wants to be that ex lmk !!! she’s written songs about them!!!

definitely the type of girl who is so hype at a party, dancing in fallen confetti, standing on the fireplace mantle, but then midway realizes she’s lonely. sad at a party. 

ED TW STARTS!!!!!

....

she kind of always had body image issues growing up, but it was very off and on, but once she got signed and being by surrounded by cameras became normal she formed a full fledged ED. she’s passed out at concerts a few times bc of her ED, but they always brush it off as “not enough rest” or “she wasnt feeling well that day but pushed to perform anyway as to not disappoint the fans”

so feel free for ur muses to point it out !! she’ll get really defensive like “i eat i just work out a lot” and yeah it’s true she works out a lot but she...doesn’t really eat

it’s also one of the causes of her irritability ...

.....

END ED TW!!!!

idk why this is so long

always up for mischief! 

does love a good prank. asks weird hypotheticals 

is not scared of an ouija board

will get wasted off a few shots and drunk madi is UNSTOPPABLE 

one time drunk madi cried bc her siamese cat (MOCHI !!!) wouldn’t ever get to go to school and would never know chemistry..... the dramatics.....

she is sensitive and despises it. she does everything she can to not come across as sensitive

however, she’s so obsessive. so deep in feeling. when she feels something she FEELS it. when she is mad it boils through her. when she is in love it is all she knows. when she is sad it covers her like sweaters and blankets on rainy days. she doesn’t know how to half-feel. everything she feels stops her in her tracks.

HOWEVER she’s the most obsessive with her own insecurities — so in relationships she’s kind of known for tapping out early. she just gets scared and the fleetingness of her career and that she’s at her very core, lonely and disappointed in herself, makes her want to run away thinking that letting down her walls and being vulnerable could only be disappointing for her SO. so maybe she ghosted ur chara or gave some lame excuse

Kind of obsessed with how she’s perceived

terrified that at any moment her career could be thrown away, her deemed irrelevant, and she goes back to being Madison Ko, daughter of nail techs in Koreatown. and then her parents would have been right all along, music was a waste of time.

she’s just my little fallen angel who flew to the sun (fame) and it constantly eats away at her girlhood, at her heart.

anyways this is all i got rn <3 come love me sorry i kind of didn’t shut up this is long

WANTED CONNECTIONS

an ex from before she was famous who broke up with her because of how she changed!! PLEASE i have ideas for this. plus,,, you get a lot of songs about ur chara!!! could be from high school, maybe someone in the music scene she frequented before she was signed, anything!!

anothr ex/fwb/undefined relationship i’d love is one when she was first famous who just introduced her to everything. something like a whirlwind that was exciting and magical. she’s written songs about this person.

exes in general. 

hookups/fwb

romantic plots. pls i have songs who need meaning. friends to lovers, one sided (either way), slowburn, ANYTHING. love cruel summer plots, anything lover by tswift

PR relationships -- would LOVE one where she falls in love with the other despite how clearly defined they made their relationship

love triangles in general just get me going

best friend!!!! the one’s who know how the other feels just by looking at each other. they have countless sleepovers. tell each other everything. cry together on bathroom floors. pregame together. 

ex friends. for whatever reason -- maybe madi did smth shitty, maybe they did. maybe there was backstabbing, maybe madi sacrificed friendship for a career, maybe she made moves on their romantic partner/interest despite being fully aware. idk. gimme

People she knew from the underground/indie scene before they were famous!! they’d have bonded over their love for music, little indie dreams kind of vibe. just imagine a group of dreamers !! Would love if they made some kind of pact!!!

party friends

collabs !!

pranks. mischief. gimme

enemies. gotta cook up some drama, yknow

GIRL GANG. god i just want this so bad like make a girls dream come true

[bluesfm]

(  park  chaeyoung  ,  twenty two  ,  &  cisfemale  )  who  ?  these  days  ,  it’s  all  about    blue hyong,  who  comes  from    los  angeles  &  ca    and  is  making  headlines  as  a    singer    .    she   currently  has  a  fan  count  of  42k    ,  no  thanks  to  the  rumors  of  them  being  inflexible  !  but  ,  on  the  other  hand  ,  their  most  devout  fans  say  they’re  actually    imaginative    .  last  i  heard  ,  they  caused  quite  a  buzz  when    she   publicly   dissed    her  new   record    label  and   the   misogynistic  treatment   she  was   receiving   from   their  reps  !  it’s  no  wonder  they  remind  me  of    long   rants   in  the  notes  app   being  posted   to  her   twitter  account  ,  empty  bottles   of  wine  laying  at   recording   studios’   floors   &  notebooks   upon  notebooks   filled  with   lyrics   she  might   never  use   but   refuses   to   let   go  of   .  

well hello human friends !! n also hello to the non human friends too , wassup . i’m angie a  dumb  noodle  from  the  middle  of  the  south  american  jungle  , and i’m here to introduce yall to this mess i call blue  who’s  a muse i have had  for yrs now n carry w/ me wherever i go , with some minimal changes but she’s still the  same  messy  bitch  on the  inside  don’t  worry  folks !  so   i  will   provide  u w/  some  background  info  on   her  n  some   possible connections  under   the  cut . issa  lil messy  but  we’ve   been  away  for  a while   pls  bear  w me

blue  is  the  only  daughter  to  a  couple   of  south  korean  immigrants  that  came  to   america  when  they  were  in  their  very  early  20s  n  already  expecting  blue  in  order  to  chase  the  american  dream  n  create  a  better  life  for  themselves  n  their  family  .  their  life  was  pretty  hard  for  a  big  part  of  blue’s  childhood  ,  while  they  were  both  studying  n  working  odd  jobs  to  pay  for  their  education  all  the while  taking  care  of  a child .  so  blue  didnt  have  the  best  childhood  ,  not  that  her parents  were  bad  or  anything  they  just  didnt  have  time  for  her  . nowadays  ,  they  are  a  lot  more  comfortable  in  life  ,  since  her  dad  became  a  lawyer  n  her  mom  is  a  nurse  ,  but  they  definitely  didnt  have  an  easy  beginning  .

ok  so  maybe  bc  they  werent  present  durant  most  of  her  childhood  they  didnt  notice  a  lol  of  signs  that  might  have  made  things  a  lot  easier  for  them  ,  bc  by  the  time  they  were  available  to  emotionally  be  there  , during  her  early  teenage  years ,  blue  was  already  kinda  a  mess . she  had  grown  up  w  very  lil  structure  n  refused  the  rules  they  tried  to  instill  on  her  n  was  already  used  to  doing  things  her  own  way  .  that  lead  to  a  lot  of  conflict  between  them  ,  since  they  expected  her  to  study  hard  n  do  well  for  herself  in  a  nine to fiver  when  she  was  already  sure  art  was  the  only  way  to  go  n  while  she  did  ok  ,  she  definitely  wasn’t  as  good  as  her parents  expected  her  to  be .

so  ...  u  know   her  teenage  yrs  were  basic  girl  angsty  she  fought  a  lot  w  her  parents  n  rebelled  frequently  n  ran  away  from  home  like  ...  weekly  ,  but  she  never  rly  had  any  real  hardships  .  life  was  reasonably  good  but  she  always  had  something  to  complain  abt  ...  just  as  she  liked

[  MENTAL  ILLNESS  TW  ]

but  then  she  reached  her  late  teens    they  all  realized  there  was  something  going  on  other   than  the  usual  teenage  angst  she  displayed  all the time  when  she  had  her  first  manic  episode  .   her  parents  thought  it was  a  “  blue  thing  “  at  first  bc  she  was  usually  a  very  impulsive  person  n  she  rly  didn’t  have  a  habit  of  thinking  before  acting  on  her  impulses  ,   but  her  mom  quickly  noticed  the  signs  of  a  manic  episode  when  she  realized  how  aggitated  n  ��restless  she  was  , specially  when  blue  described  an   hallucination  she  seemed  to  be  having  .   they  took  her  to  a  psychiatrist  ,  she  was  admitted  to  a  hospital  n  diagnosed  w  type 1  bipolar  disorder  n  very  quickly  medicated .  while  the  medication  brought  her  out  of  her  episode  ,  n  she  was  allowed  to  go  home  after  her  mood  seemed  to stabilize  ,   blue  also  noticed  it  stunted  her  severely  emotionally  n  decided  (  against  medical  n  parental  advice  [  pls  dont  do  it  fam  !!  take  ur  meds  ]  )  to  quit  her  medication  ,  falling  into  her  first  major  depressive  episode  a  few  weeks  afterwards  . n  for  abt  four  years  she’s  been  living  w  her  disorder  ,  n  she  doesn’t  medicate  at  all  .  she’s  super  open  abt  her struggles  n  she  has  a  Lot  of  them  ,  specially  w  how  much  drugs  n  alcohol  she  consumes  .   i  never  said  she  was  smart  yall  .

[  END  OF  TW  ]

ok  so  as  u  probably  assume  ,   blue  is  an  emotional  mess  .  she  has  a   very  chaotic  personality  ,  n  most  of it  isnt  even  from  her  illness or  anything  she  just  is  a  very  chaotic  person  in  general  ?  she  is   one  of  those  artsy  ppl  who  forgets  to  wash  her  own  clothes  so  she  ends  up  wearing  the  same  dress for  like  ,  3 days .  she’s  super  outspoken  n  outgoing  n  rly easy  at  making  friends  if  u  can  get  past  the  dumbass energy  she  exudes 24/7  ?  but  yes  just  a  very  outgoing  person  n  a  outright  mess  most  of  the  time  .  she  is  also  soooo stubborn  u  will  never  get  her  to  change  her  mind  abt  smth  she  believes  to  be  right  about  in  any  way  .  u  just  cant  .  she  loves  a  good  time  n  loves  partying  n  is  the  lack  of  impulse  Queen  soo if  u  got  any  bad  ideas  she  is  the  one   u  should  go  for  if  u  need  any  company  .  also .... so dramatic  .  she  makes  a  big  deal  of  everything  n  has  0  apologies  abt  that  .  just  catch  her  crying  over  high  school  musical  3  or  smth  like  that  .

but  yea  on  the  bad  side  tho  ,  blue  takes  up  n  gives  up  on  projects  so  easily  n  she  can  be  super  fickle  abt  things  in  general  .  like  ,  she  will  defend  an  idea  for  7  hours  but  2  days  later  she’s  already  onto  smth  else  n  doesnt  even  remember  being  so  obsessive  abt  that  other  thing  ?  a  mess .  is  also  Quite  abrasive  ?  if  she  thinks  ur  acting  dumb  shes  not  gonna  be  scared  to  call u  out  on  it  .  can  also  have a  Reaally  explosive  temper  .  not  usually  but  specially  during  manic  episodes  she  can  be  quite  easy  to  annoy  ngl  .  is  very  unreliable  ,  especially  if ur not  too  close  ..  tbh  that  is  something  connected  to  her  disorder  .  when  she’s  on  a  manic  episode  ,  she  will be  too busy  planning  things  she  will  never  get  around  to  doing  or  painting  her  entire  house  or  spending  3  days  awake  n  drunk  writing  17  songs  by  herself  .  n  during  her  depression  is  very  hard  to  get  her  to  do  anything  n  even  if  she  feels  terrible  , she  rly  cant be  an  available  friend  .

in  regards  to  her  sexuality  ,  she’s  an  open  bisexual  and   also  is  a  crazy  romantic  n  falls  so  hard  for  literally  no  reason .  but  like  ...  doesnt  have  the  healthiest  mentality  for  relationships  ?  not  like  in  a  toxic  way  but  she  will usually  give  145%  of  herself  at  all times  n  honestly  believes  all  of  the  ppl  she  falls  for  are  the one (1)  just  wants  to  make  things  work  no  matter  what  .  she’s  v  impulsive  w/  meeting  n  falling  for  ppl  tho  so  things  dont  rly  end  up  working  n  she  always  ends  up  heartbroken  over it  .  Well  .  At least she’s  trying  right  ?

in regards  to  her  career  n  art  , she’s  posted  youtube  covers  n  original  songs  for  a  couple  years  and  gathered a  decent  following  ?  she  wasnt  huge  or  anything  but  she  did  get  a  record  deal  w  an  actual  big  label  out  of  it  a  few  months  ago  .  blue  was  pretty  happy  abt  it  but  then  when  the  recording  process  started  she  realized  they  werent  treating  her  as she  thought  she  deserved  at  all  ?  which  resulted  on her  taking  her  thoughts  to  some  reps  of  the  label  n  when  she  didn’t  feel  any  difference  in  the  way  she  was  being  treated  she  took  it  to  the public  ?  which  definitely  caused  quite a  sitr  bc  she  wasn’t  a  huge  name  but  she  was  big  enough  ?  so  now  she’s  in  some  considerable  trouble  w  her  label  but  Also  more  famous  than  ever  so  they  are  choosing  not  to  bury  her  for  now  ?  she’s  in  some  definite  trouble  though  so  it’ll  be  fun  to  see  what  happens  next  n  what  her  moves  will be  ?  spoiler  alert :  it’ll prob  be  smth  dumb.

i  still have  so  much  to  say  but  i’m  so lazy  wow .  dont  start  ur  intros  so  close  to opening  time  folks  thats  my  tip  as  an  old  internet  auntie  .  OK SO  ONTO  SOME  CONNECTIONS  NOW  

some label  mates  who  she  may  or  may  not  get  along  with  ?

hookups !!  she  prob  has  a  few  she  regrets  too   bc  who  doesnt  am i  right

best  friends !!  ppl  who  actually  support  her  n  she  loves  w  no restrictions  just  love  all  around  friends

exes </3  not  gonna  lie  i  have  some  sad  ideas  abt  this  one

good  influence  bc  blue  is  a  mess she  needs  one  of  those  pls  someone  slap  her  head  n  make  her  drink  some  water

a  fling  she  has  feelings  for  but  may  not  be  requited  ...  i  like  my  romantic  connections  to  be  angsty  did yall  notice

artistic  soulmate  !!  someone  her  artistic  bitch  side  just  vibes  with  ?  could  be  a  songwriter  or  singer or  anything  tbh

some   indecisive  romantic   shit where blue rly  knows  sh’s  too messy  n  this  person  is too amazing ?  but  they still  have  feels  so   ... now  what ?

this is  p  mcuh  it ??  it  has  taken so long  to  finish  this  i  hate  myself  but  HEY  if  u  like  blue  or  dislike  her  u  should  hit  me  up  so  we  can  come  up  w  some  plot  ideas  ?  i wish  i  had  a  quirky  goodbye  idea  but  my  brain  has  just  quit  working  guys  so  u  get  nothing  from  me  other than  a  good  old  fashioned goodbye  thanks  for ur  attention  i  love u

[galimatios]

ok. this will be my definitive thread on 4w3. that i will type on my phone. i think the first thing abt type 4s is that theyre characterized by a profound sense of longing / loss, that there is something always just out of reach that they will never have

I believe it starts from childhood, where a person begins to see or feel that they are separate / different from others? both uniquely gifted and uniquely flawed, that a special insight has been given to them but it also separates them from everyone else ... or sometimes it's a unique wound that gives them an understanding of suffering different from others, that others cannot understand, that you yourself are somehow broken or flawed. tho we tend to conceptualize it as uniqueness, sometimes even tow it around like we're special/elite like, am i not more beautiful for my pain? is this not something special? 

we want to be understood but not TOO easily bc that would remove the unique status of our suffering. but rly its a defense mechanism for being unable to cope w the idea we're beyond saving like we were born w something missing and nothing in the world can fix it bc what we want either cannot be named or achieved in a mortal life. tho the Thing rly varies btwn individuals. 

for me it was difficult to pin down, but i think i wanted to preserve feelings id cling to? ive always been attracted to the nostalgic sadness of childhood, and the idea of immortalizing feelings of peace/happiness, bc to me those things have beauty elevated above that of normalcy. i also love abandoned things bc they contain memories i will never truly know 

and the thing that rly separates a 4 from the rest is this romanticism, a kind of need for authenticity and truth thru their entire being. we hate being fake, we hate lying about our identity, we hold onto our pain bc we believe it defines us and it gives shape to who we are. we relate to others thru our own pain and experiences, and bc we are so attuned to our own emotions ppl say 4s are gifted at putting feelings to words and expressing the nuances of emotion. 

i think the wide range of what we feel also leads to us being drawn to unique things like, many things feel emotionally shallow to us and we cannot relate to it, but things that express emotions we dont see often being extremely exciting bc we feel seen, like someone can connect w us in a way we consider important 

i think 4s can tend to come off as like, edgy and brooding bc of these traits but 4s can pick any number of things to reinforce their identity with. when we find something that connects to us, we SINK INTO IT with fuckin claws and dont let go. we claim that thing as ours and try to create an identity using all the things we've claimed.  lots of 4s i know relate to demon imagery bc of this, bc it links to that intrinsic feeling of being broken/wrong and so its easy to be like "oh i must be a demon/monster bc im Wrong" plus it's also a separation from the traditional idea of "good" and it vibes with the whole "misunderstood/apart from others" feeling. we are looking for emotions people are uncomfortable with, claiming them, and desiring the brave to look at us and say they accept us 

anyway what it REALLY is is that 4s are sensitive babies who want to be loved and accepted unconditionally despite how broken they feel. it isnt nearly as deep as they may think

but i personally dont think thats the path of actualization/integration, at least in my experience i think for me, i realized that sense of beauty/whatever tf i was looking for isnt to be found in grand sweeping statements abt life or love, or in some pinnacle of art i can never attain, but in every day simple interactions and regular ass people. may be different for others

NOW. To discuss the 3 wing. 3s are characterized by the worth they put out into the world, in the form of tangible accomplishments and experiences. im not a 3 so i cant speak with accuracy or length, but the 3 will base their worth on the judgement of social standards so you see them trying to gain monetary, academic, occupational success bc those are deemed worthy in the eyes of society. this can change depending on the society ofc but under ~late stage capitalism~ this is where we are. 

so where does a 4 fall into this. i said before the 4 hates faking, so the methodology of some 3s to meld themselves to be the most successful in their environment just doest NOT fucking vibe w the 4. so the 4w3 is kind of a fucky walking contradiction bc we crave uniqueness but also admiration. we dont want to lie abt who we are but we also want people to KNOW and appreciate us. so this manifests in a desire to share our feelings and experiences with an audience, usually within a medium that allows creative expression but it can be anything. 

point is, we want to share. for me, i do it thru creative stuff but moreso just... by talking to people and being emotionally honest and open about what makes me tick, what makes me passionate, trauma, etc, and people respond to that positively like, this is my pain, look at this beautiful thing that came out of it. 

whereas i believe 4w5s are content with keeping things to themselves. 4w3s will shift their image to some degree to fit the context but 4w5s are v much, this is me, take it or leave it bitch. anyway the contrast btwn 4 and 3 wing fucks me up bc being a 4 is already a cosmic joke but its even more hilarious when u put in that wing this is all just conjecture based on my own experience of being 4w3 BUT I HOPE ITS INTERESTING

[thingsiwroteforhim]

you wouldn't want to hurt the person you love

im sorry if i hurt you

idk how low i should go and how of a fool i should be to know whats my fault and if i could ask ur forgiveness

if it was bcs of what i wrote here, let me explain what i remember, i hope u dont just dismiss it

i did feel tired and confused bcs of ur action, i heard lots of things about u and somehow ur actions confirm those, i cant read u easily like others, sometimes u make me feel like u reciprocate my feelings but at the same time u also push me away, i wrote bcs i felt sad and wish u would be more clear towards me.

i did meet my ex, but it was for the last time, bcs i want to stop him from contacting me and i want to cut ties with him. it happen that he also got engaged so i feel relieved, i wish him happiness bcs i feel the need to let go of the grudge

i dont feel mad at u bcs i know i dont hv the right to be

but pls forgive me if i did sth wrong to u or hurt u in any way i didnt know

its really fine if u dont hv the same feelings toward me, maybe we r lesson learnt for each other

if i could say sth that u can learn from this, be clear and more assertive, make boundaries to ppl u dont want, know what u want and go for it, dont make the person u want ever doubt anything, dont dismiss ppl and be clear towards them

and it has been months, i think i tried my best, maybe my feelings dont get through u despite it looks obvious to everyone, but its fine, i really wish u found the person u look for, and heal all the wounds that i think i saw in u

[wondercookieunicorn]

1/? That's mean of her :( but im glad the call went well! and asdjskl pls keep making jeffrey jokes i love inside jokes. YAS the arcana is great!! I only started a few weeks ago but i love it soooo much!! Julian is def my fave (lucio the prick is second and i love portia too) but im almost finished with julian's route and it makes me sad bc i love him so much :( you're still a little taller then me~ im 167cm and i hate it i want to be taller :

2/? And you think you might be ace?! That's awesome!! I'm ace myself! Don't let anyone tell you what you can identify as, you know yourself best and only you get to decide! Also if you have any questions to ask about asexuality (or aromanticism, or anything really) i'd be more than happy to answer them as well as i can! ^^ Hahaha yea i get that feeling! When I wake up i usually am very out of it and can't focus well, but i get cranky on top of that when i am rudely awoken XD - 🌱💚            

3/? YEAH!!! I'm really excited to have my braces removed though i know it will be weird for a few days. But I'll get retainers instead so I won't have to miss braces for long XD (seeing doie in that one jcc ep lowered my self-consciousness about my braces/retainerrs a whole lot and he looks so cute with them in and i uwuwuwu) but thank you anyway!! your taste in music is cool, too!! and i come here daily now that i know you (omg i cant believe i wrote that i never flirt ever this is cringy) 🌱💚 

4/5 OH GOD WAKEY WAKEY IS AN EXPERIENCE i literally cannot listen to the song because of the hair. what on earth was he thinking, honestly. ohh yea i see. for me i knew about nct since predebut when they were ft in exo 902014 and then nct u debut came but i didnt like the song back then. But i did like fire truck and chewing gum when they were released but i never liked it enough to stan (big mistake on my part) so years went by and i re-found out about them during regular promotions and - 🌱💚     

5/5 i was intrigued by the memes and stayed for the boys and music, and i do not regret any minute since. I'm sad i havent stanned them for longer but im so super glad i know about them now. but yeah, that's my nctzen origin story XD as for the movies, i watched Missing Link and Always Be My Maybe. they were entertaining, though not my fave movies ^^; But i'll be signing off and going to sleep soon, just fyi! It was fun talking with you again and i hope you sleep well later! ily!!! - 🌱💚                  

I have mastered jeffrey jokes, so that part of me is very relieved lmao!! 💓 

My friend ditching me ain´t suprising so- whatever idk it happens

Julian was my fav at first too, but Muriel TT sksksks

Don´t wanna be taller. yOu just think that. Trust me. We have the perfect height. Every human of our size is the perfect size! Easily hugable, not too tall, not too small! I´m rooting for our heights! no lmao but srsly tho, I rlly do think that that´s kind of the perfect size~

Ahhhh you´re too kind sksksks!! 💓  I´ll make sure to let you know incase I ever have questions about sexualitys! Plus, I might not be the greatest help rlly, but if you have questions or just feel the need to complain about anything of that sort (or any other sort lol), feel free to do so ~^^ 💓 

being rudely awoken should be an illegal crime period

Awww sksksksks I think I gotta crack into Yutas contacts and make him give me Doyoungs number or anything so I can send him to you sksksks you´re so cute when you´re talking about him sksks when you´re talking abt the others it´s cute too but not to thAt extent sksks 💓 

hahahsjskhadahhf I love u sksksks I never flirt either, that´s a weird experience sksksks I´m glad you´re making an exception for me right dere where´s ma lenny face at ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ksksksks (I don´t know how this´ll come across but I´m still joking sksksks dw! 💓)

Don´t attacc johnny like th---- You know what? That hair was TRAGIC SKSKSKSK I am- anyway

woah since predebut?? That must rlly hurt thooo ohnoooo, BUT you here now, that´s all that matters!!!! PLUS The 7th Sense-- I- I never got friends with that one smh. And cherry bomb was almost everywhere and it annoyed me. Main reasons why I ditched 127 for dream somehow. Idk. But yeh. We here now!! 💓 

Well I don´t know both of those movies,,,, or I might know them, just not the english titles,,, uhhhhhhh - okay i googled, I don´t know both of them but the pictures from Missing link kinda creep me out,,,,

What are your favorite movies/genre then? Your question for tmr lolol  💓 

YES YES, go to sleep love it´s getting late~ Sleep well 💓

[rhodesmystery]

what is the rough timeline of natasha and charlie relationship? i love your fics and how its like little peeks into the development of it all and how it doesnt rely on them being together ll the time its lovely

HM HM HM okay let’s see... like i guess the thing is that ultimately is written for charlie and what i’ve done for natasha is being their own person is rly integral to them? like charlie grew up in a house where at any period of time, nine ppl were living under the same roof? like he didn’t have much time to himself that he literally upped and moved to romania lmfao. and natasha like, one day i’ll remember to post her family tree, but she’s in the same boat in a way, especially when her family moves from america full time. then she’s suddenly thrown into a household with all her extended family. they need to be their own people first, and i mean that independence does hurt communication and the needs of not just themselves but others as well and i guess that’s why i wrote the long walk for their relationship to finally find that point where they were like. yes. where their lines finally crossed over and stayed crossed over, instead of simply running parallel and sometimes moving in but barely touching?

this got long so under the cut

they do meet in first yr bc the game is LYING that such a SMALL CLASS POST-VOLDY wouldnt exist like a literal baby boom happens post voldy dying but the current kids around would honestly be rly small groups? hogwarts would be so EMPTY REAL TALK everyone also afraid to let their kids go to school

natasha asks for slytherin, should've been ravenclaw. much distress, and first yr in between running around with the vault of ice kind of finds her spending a lot of time in the towers and stuff. she likes high places. 

this gonna sound bad but i dont rly remember much of the 1st yr of hphm apart from not sealing the vault properly, but anyway natasha and charlie were friends anyway that mattered and natasha wasn't a very good slytherin for befriending a gryffindor AND a weasley

second yr is kind of the time where she meets bill and like on the one hand is a little infatuated with him but they are rly good friends at the end of the day. she pulls away from charlie a bit bc of it but then again i figure around this stage charlie has started his crusade of entering the forest in some respects so like. he’s not even on the grounds half the time lbr. also, i dont remember much of this yr either a lot happened. but the ice knight was there.

third yr aka vault of fear! again, with the bs, i think natasha knew of everyone PRIOR to their intros and stuff so they’re all kind of good friends but ig this is also just my thing of like. small classes post war. even with the attempt at animosity between houses, especially post war, kids probably aren't going to do. that. and i know slytherin is all death eater kids basically but most of them are probably orphaned too by the end of the war. theyre all scared ANYWAY social circle expanding... idk this yr was a ride too i remember it a little bit more than the others ig. idk what happened here rly

OKAY SO FOURTH YEAR RIGHT that’s when it’s literally a year of dating charlie in game but whatever. so going from literally spending only classes together and maybe like the one christmas if bill and charlie stayed in the castle at the same time, natasha and charlie did talk and were friends but it was on the down low towards the end of third yr. until it wasn’t bc literally all the scheming to get into the forest and mr charlie ‘i asked my brother a million questions about you over the summer’ weasley just rolling up. and theyre in each others spaces A Lot which is kind of wild for the both of them considering they’re both from large families and personal space is A Thing™ they both really need but their friendship really deepens this year. they’re very honest with each other, and whilst bill is natasha’s best friend just because of how they click, her and charlie have this understanding between them that it’s hard to get between.

except fifth yr comes along and smacks everyone in the face. natasha finds out what puberty is over the summer, along with a prefect badge. charlie also has a bit of a growth spurt around this time, so they’re awkward and lanky around each other early on. natasha also dates myron wagtail during her fifth yr, as well as esther szohr and a couple of other ppl here and there. she’s all giggly and twirling hair and I'm so sorry charlie she just hasn’t noticed you at this stage. but it’s not rly a good year for her, mentally all around, so don’t feel too bad ig.

sixth yr she’s getting tired(er) and lightly dates other people as well. broke up with myron over the summer, and like. has started to see charlie in another light, kind of? but at the risk of ruining her friendship, madly writes to bill most of the time about ‘how do i get your brother to notice me????’ because communication is key and natasha doesn’t actually know what it is. she’s also named captain of slytherin quidditch team this yr, and well. ends up spending a ridiculous amount of time closer to charlie’s second great love. sees another side of him. swoons in the stands a lot. they kind of reignite their friendship as well, as it just politely simmered in the back. teach other spells. lots of touching with hands like no no wave like this... it’s very romantic and high strung and they’re dumb teenagers not sure what to do.

they mess it up over the summer between sixth and seventh yr tho. lots of kissing. some other stuff. natasha spends a bit of time with the weaselys before returning to hogwarts. hormones everywhere.

seventh year starts with them kind of tiptoeing around not knowing where they stand relationship wise, and they’re not!! good!! at talking!! so it’s like a big drawn out game of whispers to figure out who said what but it breaks off bad and natasha cries a lot and charlie feels awful too and they’re mopey and shit for a while. like they can’t be in each other’s spaces for a while that they kind of completely withdraw to their own houses sort of thing. eventually, with a few helpful nudges and stuff, they at least talk to each other but don’t know if the friendship is there. 99% sure penny was ready to amortentia the both of them to ‘fix things’ and also just to prove she could do it. also probably didnt help that barnaby and a few other slytherins jumped charlie and quidditch team as 1) for natasha but also 2) for quidditch and that also really prompts natasha and charlie to talk because they rly cant let ppl do it for them lol

same year still, but as things start to improve and they can somewhat pick up their old banter without getting sad, bill invites natasha over for xmas because he’s actually given it off. never mind that in between all this, natasha took to writing to myron again, which just. not nice natasha jfc. natasha and charlie enjoy an incredibly awkward trip back with some UST, kiss again in the spot where they pretty much shared their first kiss, refuse to talk about the kiss, natasha buys charlie a new wand, they try to talk about it but its mostly natasha apologising for being a brat.

theyre still not back ‘on’ though, and have some make outs in locker rooms anyway, to the both of their confusion. are they ever going to talk? no. UNTIL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and natasha’s not good at words but she’s good at actions and yknow what? fk it. slytherin might’ve won the quidditch cup, but when she landed in the middle of the pitch, and charlie reached out to shake her hand, she grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him in for a big damn kiss in front of literally everyone, cup in her other hand. she keeps a photo of it on her at all times after that. 

i also have a fic I'm writing that was kind of before the celestial ball was announced where they organised kind of 7th yr graduation dance thing and it was going to be quiet and intimate kind of and natasha and charlie end up finishing the night together, falling asleep on a balcony and waking up with each other sort of thing lol

and that’s only ‘91. late ‘91 is when they separate for job opportunities. natasha goes to work at gringotts for a bit with bill, and charlie goes off to romania. they get a few weeks in of summer loving before, though, also post graduation celebration. but they write constantly and stuff. pursuing their own lives kind of starts to become a thing.

in ‘92, early they kind of make a vow to each other when they get a bit of time off and go to greece. its very romantic and a big step forward in commitment for them, as they don’t really see each other for the rest of the year. also, late 92 natasha starts working at durmstrang, which removes her even further from the stream of things.

early ‘93 is not a good time for charlie because of what happens to ginny and ron, so he’s not exactly in the best mindset as theres some self doubt at removing himself so much from his family, he cant be there so easily when they need him most. midway through ‘93, natasha gets attacked at durmstrang, and it takes ppl a while to actually find her. charlie spends a long ass time in st mungos beside her until she wakes up, and they reaffirm their feelings for each other when she does. natasha admits that she had called for charlie, being the last thought she had, and she creates the little runic stones for the both of them as a way of contacting each other, or just reminding them the other is there.

natasha returns to working in late ‘93, and in ‘94 they see each other again at the world cup. i know i said they took a break and ig they did but its easy for them to flirt dumbly until things go to shit with death eaters. until they punch one! and later on natasha is brought in as hired help to tutor the students brought to hogwarts, but because her ‘inside knowledge’ of the school is valuable. her and charlie hook meet up quite a bit when he’s present for the first task. also because she’s hanging around for the entire year, she is there for the yule ball and stuff. lots of writing to charlie like do you remember when we danced? so romantic.

idk what happens in ‘95. i haven't planned anything. same for ‘96. short of natasha going to romania to visit charlie a few times, and how her work ends up bringing her into the ministry a bit. its not the same kind of cooling off as hogwarts where they question the relationship, but apart from letters they dont really see each other.

in 97 however!!!!! bill and fleur’s wedding and like. they spent a bit of time apart again, so natasha puts on her best to impress her boy. and charlie wants to propose but also because he’s totally smitten by the idea of making it real between them as a proposal via ribbon only does so much lmfao. and they get interrupted! and separated for quite some time actually. natasha ultimately returns to her family, for the larger part of 97 she's working with them as they deal with the fact her grandfather made a deal with death eaters, and that her ancient family history is coming back to bite them in the ass. like i know in the books they say charlie went around recruiting foreign wizards but thats so HANDWAVEY of jkr yknow? granted she never rly sounded like she knew what to do with charlie apart from shipping him off to romania. I'm sure he went to romania like YO we cant let this happen come with me when it mattered, but you’ll have to fight me to convince me he wasn't with his family for a large part of the story, and that he wasn't doing underground work and stuff in the mean time (you can’t change my mind)

in 98 though everything goes to hell for natasha’s family and she, in a moment of panic, calls for charlie. and he literally runs to her, and they both nearly die for it, but like he finally sucks up the courage to ask her, for realsies, if she would marry him. its been like 10yrs of will they wont they for them and only so many bets can be placed. 

they get married late 98, and i know i never quite decided on smth big or intimate, but i think i’m happy with a ‘they had a big damn wedding and it was ridiculously opulent and flowery for autumn where you would’ve thought it was spring sort of thing. or maybe even something blissfully wintery. they’ve moved out of their summer romance phase, where it only came around for a few weeks at a time. relationship development. 

DO THEY HAVE KIDS I CANT DECIDE i guess the eldest would be born some time in 99? and then from there a general progression lmfao but YEAH

also in regards to like the celestial ball i understand why the canon characters weren’t involved, but i’m just smad. barnaby was rly cute though so... THERE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY

[goldenscript]

HEY HEY it’s fine, your health always comes first! my friday was really interesting and today i finally went grocery shopping so there’s that. how’s your weekend so far? LMAO UR LITERALLY ME. i often feel detached from people or even myself but it takes .0000081 seconds for a tear to slip out when im reading or watching anime. omg i cried sm the second season of haikyuu bc like.. my baby oiks deserved to go to nationals man, seijoh deserved to go ;-; dont get me wrong i was sooo proud of (1/?)

our crows but like.. oikawa!!! i watched a couple episodes of avatar yesterday and i already love how flawed zuko is, you can see it right from the start. i already know what happens tho okay HAHAH. AND GIRL IM SO HYPED FOR INFINITY WAR!! LIKE aSDJD I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL, SHIT’S BOUT TO GO DOWN. WHICH REMINDS ME, BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS SET IN A UNIVERSE WITH SUPERHEROES AND IT’S HONESTLY V CUTE. which ALSO reminds me i had a fic draft about how an ex-superhero mc who’s next door (2/?)             

who’s next door neighbors with a notorious anti-hero (superrrr orig ik, i was like in 9th grade ok i’m cringing) and she finds out about him through some funny circumstances bc for one, she’s not dumb. she can piece it together. she lost her powers in some way and is trynna adjust to reg human life and she doesn’t want anything to do with playing hero anymore bc of uh “PLOT.” shit happens. never got past the 3rd chapter lol which made me realize that long fics weren’t for me, i lose (3/?)

motivation too fast but it just sucks bc idk how to condense it enough for it to be a oneshot. when i randomly write, they still hit up to 20k so I DONT KNOW?? maybe i just write too much. i’m just as disorganized as i was 4-5 years ago ;; AH FF(.)net AND QUOTEV. GOOD OL’ TIMES. the first fic i read was about infinite’s woohyun bc he was my bby at the time lmaooo. and wow  i’d love to read your revamped fics and whatever else you have in mind!! the thing about fantasy is that it’s so broad (4/?)        

u can literally do anything with it!! LMAO WELL I MEAN TBRH IT’S JUST BTS but HM WHO DO YOU THINK MAtCHES THE JOB DESCRIPTIONS?? wink wink. ALSO sorry that i talk so much omg u must hate reading my messages lmao i feel like i always have a lot to say (5/5!!!)  -sjsu    

lemme just say that i don’t hate getting your messages at all ok!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i have a lot to say especially when the topics are within my interests and girl talking to me abt cringey fanfics, ugly crying over sports anime, & black panther are perfect enough reasons to babble over! i promise!!!!!!!! i look forward to talking to you girl (’:

thank you! i honestly just went out to my friend’s bday dinner yesterday night and chilled at home all day today. i’m supposed to hang with my dad and probably go out driving tomorrow so we’ll see. as of rn, i’m fooling myself into thinking that i’m gonna work on my english paper rn but i’m compromising and telling myself to just find quotes and write my thesis then saving the actually writing for tomorrow. but LMAO I’M GLAD YOU CAN RELATE. I WORRY THAT I’M ALONE ON THIS SOMETIMES. yeah, i detach easily and i don’t mean to but sometimes i prefer to let my mind drift and daydream because it’s so much more interesting than day to day life. buT I GET SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ANIME OK. I CRIED FOR SEASON TWO ALSO. LIKE OIKAWA WAS SO HARDWORKING AND FUCK WHEN THEY LOST TO THE CROWS I WAS SO SAD BC I HONESTLY WISHED THEY COULD BOTH WIN SOMEHOW. like fuck that anime is good, making us sympathize and love like literally everyone you meet because the biggest antagonist in that damn show is time and how one minor point just fucks everyone over and kjsdhfsjkdhf i love haikyuu!! sooooo much. god

LMAO IT’S OK. i spoil myself a lot with shows and movies bc i’m a big like movie person especially in the MCU and horror cuz i like knowing that what i’m watching is worth all the fuss (this goes for most movies in general) although for black panther i didn’t spoil myself because i could feel it in my gut that it would end my entire existence and guess what it did? ended my entire existence. AND OMG INFINITY WAR SDFSDKJHF I’M SOLELY WATCHING IT FOR T’CHALLA TBH. I NEEDA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GONNA HAPPEN WITH HIM AND THE REST OF WAKANDA OK. AND OMG IT IS? I LOVE THAT. OK FOR SURE I’M WATCHING IT OK.

i only played an interactive story app abt superheroes and it was so freakin’ cool. now this makes me want to replay it ‘cuz it’s just a trip man. the story line is great and i love the idea of superpowers. and omg that story of yours sounds so cool! like imo a trope / plot can seem “cliche” but how you execute it is what really makes the biggest different! like make me feel!!! make me love and hate your characters!!!!!!!! but yeah, honestly, i’m really starting to disbelieve in my skills at writing multi-part fics bc it’s a STRUGGLE. i write to finish i think. but i’m challenging myself to write series bc i have a few that i reallyyyyyyyyyyy want to write. and holy shit 20k????????? that’s amazing! i’ve only done that like once and i haven’t read it in hella long.

whenever i get around to it (man, i’m starting to get annoyed with myself for using this phrase kjsdhkjfsh), i will most def hit you up!!!!!!!! my first fic was like......... uh.... fuck i can’t even remember but i will admit i did try writing twilight fanfic too. in terms of kpop, my first was this jungkook drabble that i never saved and actually deleted after a few days but another one was this yoongi drabble that i currently have up rn that isn’t too bad. but ok girl telling me, a girl who thrives off structure and a basis, that something is broad is HELL for me. like i really need to think things over and make sure it makes sense and it’s just hard. i struggle but i’m trying.

rjgnkjsgkjsdhfkjshf alright, alright mundane jobs for earth-bound bts:

jin: cafeteria lady (sorry bb), everyone loves him, his station’s the cleanest, and no one hates him like............. at all. not even Boss, who everyone FEARS

yoongi: janitor but not really he doesn’t clean and his boss loves him too much to make him do work

hobi: retail worker bc he will not let any atrocity walk out of the store no matter what, doesn’t need his powers to get anyone to buy anything, makes pouches A Thing

joon: librarian, likes to observe ppl, somehow likes humanity even tho we’re messes (”aren’t we all messes, after all?”)

jimin & tae: delivery boys aka the bats bc they move like they’re coming straight out of hell

jungkook: mcd cashier, hates his job, sometimes gives people melted ice cream bc they looked at him funny