#it just makes me sad. i hope i can be secure in my faith one day but until then

[aemondapologistfrfr]

Command Me 2/2

knight!benji blackwood x strong!fem!reader

Part One

Summary: The following days after Brandon’s death your emotions are all over the place. You make a confession and a plea to Benji who will do anything to see you happy. 

Warnings: 18+ mentions of death and murder, swearing, oral(f receiving), fingering, p in v, breeding kink, preg!reader for a bit but no birth scene, face riding, nipple play, smutty and sweet, time jumps bc i can, 2% angsty in the beginning 

Authors Note: finishing up @chainsawsangel request, they deserve a happy ending fr

Word Count: 3.1k

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Two days after Brandon’s death

I sit in my chambers with Benji at my side and my mother in front of me silently talking to me. I nod my head not taking in any of her words as Jace eyes me from the hearth. Benji rests his hand on mine and I look down and smile up to him. I turn my head back to my mother as I feel a tear slip down my cheek. 

“My sweet girl.” she coos pulling me into a hug. I don’t even know why I’m so emotional. I asked Benji to do this and I loathed Brandon. I’m just never good when it comes to dealing with The Stranger. My mother rocks me as I let my tears flow and I sniffle and sit back. 

“The silent sisters said he’s ready to be buried.” Jace speaks up and I see him looking over me and Benji. “I don’t see why you insist on waiting and letting his body sit.” 

“We all mourn in our own ways.” Benji says from my side. 

“Mm, the ever faithful protector. Where were you when this happened then?” Jace walks over to the chairs. 

“Outside of my chambers. He’s sworn to me.” I say through my teeth. 

“That’s enough.” our mother stands. “His funeral will be held tomorrow and then we can begin to heal and move forward. Jace, come.” she nods her head along with her to the door. 

I relax back into the couch curling up within myself as Benjis hand grabs mine. I sigh and pull my hand away wrapping it around my legs. My feelings are everywhere right now and everyone is expecting me to act a certain way and I’m just feeling overwhelmed. 

“What’s wrong?” his words hushed as I turn to him and take in his furrowed brow. 

“I think I need to be alone.” I nod my head to him and he offers me a sad smile before slipping out of my chambers. 

I rush to my wardrobe and start sliding on my riding gear. I pull my boots on and I’m in the tunnels in an instant. I can’t stand to be in this castle a second longer. I race down the stairs and slip out the side of the Keep closest to the pits. From there I stitch my way through the city streets avoiding the guards. Relief pours through me as I start up the incline. I hear my dragons distinct rumbling and he’s coming up from the pits by the time I step foot in the dome. 

“Let’s disappear for a while.” I hum patting his snout. I begin to mount and as I secure my last clip Benji runs through the doors. 

“Princess wait, please,” he reaches up to me and my dragon jogs past him and shoots us into the sky. 

We cast a shadow over the city and my dragon offers them a fearsome cry. We swoop low to the buildings and then glide over the Blackwater. He drags his claws into the water encasing us in a mist. The sun kisses my face and dries my tears as we continue further from the city. We loop back around and enter the Kings Wood through the back hoping to go unnoticed offering us a couple hours of reprieve. 

My dragon starts a small fire for us before we curl around it. He brings his wing to canopy over me and I look up and admire his scales. I run my fingers against them as he chuffs and coos. We lay in silence and watch the sun start to dip under the trees. I feel a deep grumble come from my dragon and I’m on my feet in seconds. I quickly mount my dragon and we’re in the skies but not before I can see the hurt express across Benjis face. We land on the coast and the only sound is the waves crashing. 

“I killed my husband.” I look up at the moon. 

I kick off my boots and make quick work of the rest of my clothing. My dragon watches me curiously as I begin to step into the Bay. I dip my head under and swim out further. I hear my dragon offer low chuffs as I float near the sands. 

“Get back on this shore.” Benjis voice is muffled by the water in my ears. 

“No.” I sigh as I turn myself to float further away from the shore.

“Then I’m coming out there.” I hear him enter the Bay. His hand wraps around my arm and I look up to him. “What’s wrong, Princess?” he brushes my wet hair off of my face as I continue to float. 

“I’m sullied, I’ve sullied you, I’m a liar, and I’ve killed my husband.” I sigh and dip my head beneath the waves. Benji pulls me up and starts to carry me back to shore as I hold onto him. 

“You didn’t kill him, I did.” he sits us down on the sands. 

“Why did you kill him?” my voice barely audible as I try not to shiver at the breeze against my skin.

“You asked me to.” his eyes slide to mine. 

“Do you remember my wedding night?” I see him ball his fists. “You told me you would kill him in that very moment. Why did you want to?” I tilt my head studying him. 

“I was mad and frustrated with him. He treated you so poorly and kicked you out of his chambers after. He knew-“ he shakes his head sighing. “He knew, as well as everyone else in that castle, that I wanted you, that I still want you. He would tease you in front of me like some toy I could never have, but you’re not a toy. You’re smart and fearless and a bit reckless. You are to be Queen and should be treated as such.” his eyes finally meet my watery ones and I sniffle pulling him towards me. I can’t contain the small gasps that leave my mouth at the cool touch of his metal armor on my bare body. 

“I want to marry you, Benji. You take such good care of me.” I whisper as I burrow into his neck. His hands stay firmly on my waist as his fingers dig in. 

“We can’t.” he shakes his head. “I’m a knight and your sworn protector.” his voice strained as I stretch to unclip his armor. 

“You were a Lord before.” I hum lifting off his chest piece. “Lord Benjicot Blackwood of Raventree Hall. They call you Bloody Ben for all the accomplishments you achieved for my mother.” I take off his last piece while his fingers are still pressed firmly into my hips. 

“Y/n,” his voice wrecked. 

“Wed me, rule with me. Please Benji, I don’t want anyone else.” my hands start to pull up his shirt. 

“People will talk.” he grunts as I start to unlace his trousers. 

“Let them.” I kiss his neck. “Must I beg you to wed me?” I slip my hand beneath his trousers. 

“You will never have to beg me for anything.” his lips crash into mine and his hands finally begin to roam upon my exposed skin. He lays me on my back and places kisses down my torso before dipping his head between my thighs. 

“Benji,” I cry out as he offers me teasing licks. He chuckles against me before lashing at me with his tongue. My head falls back into the sand while whimpers cascade from my mouth. He holds me against his face as my legs begin to shake while coaxing pleasure from my body.  I arch off the sand as the coil snaps and my legs close around him. 

“Gods look at you in the moonlight.” he kisses up my body before capturing my lips. I gasp into his mouth as I feel his fingers slide through my sensitive core. He dips a finger in and chuckles against my mouth. He slips a second finger in and starts a slow lazy pace as I squirm beneath him. 

“Do you like the way I make you feel?” he asks curling his fingers pulling a moan from me. 

“Yes,” I mewl rocking my hips on his fingers. 

“You look so beautiful like this.” he starts to push his finger into me faster and I can’t contain the sounds coming out of me. “Come for me, Princess.” he murmurs into my neck before sinking his teeth into me. 

“Benji fuck,” I cling to him as I pulse around his ever moving fingers. “I need you in me, please,” my nails dig into his back. 

“You really want to marry me?” his voice low as he kneels up to push down his trousers. 

“I do,” I nod my head ignoring my ragged breathing.

“Do you want to have my children?” he slowly strokes himself and I open my legs wider for him. 

“Yes, Benji please,” I reach out to him.

“I’m going to fill you until my seed is seeping out of you and I’ll keep fucking and filling you until you’re swollen.” my body shudders at his words as he spreads my thighs. His tip slides around my wetness before he pushes into me. He rolls his hips into me and moans begin falling from my mouth. 

“So good, Benji fuck,” I whine as I feel my pleasure begin to wash through me. He leans down and kisses me fiercely as he pounds his hips into mine. I cling around him and I feel my stomach start to tighten. His thrusts get sloppier the more high pitched my whines are. He bursts inside me as my toes curl while I contract around him. 

“Taking it all so well,” he rasps as he continues to push his hips into mine. He dips down and licks across my lips. I open my mouth letting his tongue coax small gasps and moans from me. “When these fill with milk I’ll be tempted not to even let you leave our chambers.” he chuckles rolling my nipples. 

“Benji,” I move my hips and he pushes into me deeper. He shushes me as he continues to roll his hips into me. I writhe beneath him as he litters kisses and bites across my chest. I start to feel him harden the more he pumps into me. He brings a finger down to swirl against my bud and I come undone as he begins to start pushing into me. 

“Squeezing me so good.” his fingers dig into my sides as he makes my hips meet his. I wrap my legs around his waist and cry out as his hips snap into me. I feel my high approaching again and Benjis thrusts become more erratic. As he starts to fill me again I come crying out his name. He pulls out and looks down with pleasure glazed eyes. 

“Look at you dipping with my seed.” he slides two fingers around and starts pumping it back into me. My hips jerk at his touch as my legs shake. 

“Benji,” my voice cracks as his tongue licks against my bud. “I’m gunna-“ a cry tears from my throat as I come again with my eyes rolling back. 

“You’re perfect.” he hums laying down in the sand next to me. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Six months after wedding 

I walk down the main steps of the Keep with Benji hovering around me keeping both hands on me at all times. Once we make it to the bottom I huff and bat his hands away. I should’ve know that since he was overbearing as my sworn protector he would be so much worse as I’m carrying his child. 

“You’re lucky I didn’t carry you down the stairs.” he says bringing a hand to my lower back and holding my arm with the other. 

“Benji I’m not going to break.” I sigh. “I just want to go for a walk around the grounds.” I pout looking up at him. 

“We are going for a walk.” he hums leading me out of the main doors. 

“I don’t need your hands guiding my every step.” I try not to snap. 

“I just want to help you and touch you. My beautiful wife.” he coos sliding a hand to my swollen bump. “Men need to know you’re mine.” his voice low.

“They know I’m yours, husband.” I look up to him and place my hand over his on my stomach. 

“I still see the way men look at you. Makes me want to take you in front of them.” he dips down to my ear. 

“Benji,” I breathe out. 

“Spread these beautiful thighs of yours and lick you until you cry.” his arms pull me closer. “And then-“ 

“Benji, please,” I mewl feeling my wetness pool between my legs. 

“Look at you all worked up.” he chuckles gazing down at me. “You wanted to go on a walk not come, so let’s go.” I follow after him with pink cheeks. I wrap my arm around his as he leads us through the gardens. 

“What else would you do?” I whisper and he turns to me with a smirk. 

“It might be too scandalous for the gardens.” his lips brush against my ear. 

“Tell me.” I whine breathlessly. 

“Let’s go back to our chambers.” I nod tugging him back to the main doors. 

Once we’re sealed in our chambers he starts to unlace my dress before sliding it down my body. He groans kneading the tender flesh of my breasts. I let out soft whimpers as he ghosts across my nipples. He pulls the slip off of me and brings his hands to my bump while pressing his lips against mine. I pull up on his shirt and he pulls it off and is stepping out of his trousers a moment later. I sigh feeling his skin on mine and his hands caressing my body. 

“Benji,” I whine against his lips as his fingers trail over my slit. 

“Yes, Princess?” his fingers spread into my wetness and swirl over my sensitive bud. 

“I’m gunna come,” I cling onto his arms getting lost in him.

“I just started touching you.” he chuckles speeding up his fingers. 

“Benji please,” I whine as my body goes taught coming undone. 

“Someone’s sensitive today.” he purrs backing me to the bed. “Sit on my face.” he lays out on the bed pulling me to him. 

“I’ll suffocate you.” my cheeks heat. 

“Then I’ll die happy. Let’s go.” he helps me straddle his face. He licks a long stripe up my center and my whole body trembles. My legs start to shake as I lean my head back letting the whimpers trickle out. I grind against his face as my pleasure starts to wash through me. He holds me closer as his tongue slips through my wetness before pushing into me. 

“Benji, it’s too much I’m gunna-“ I squeeze my legs around his face as he laps up my release. His tongue continues to lick sending aftershocks through me. He helps me off of him and lays me next to him on my back. 

“I just wanna keep making you come, my beautiful wife.” he kisses against my chest while trailing a hand down to my core. His tongue circles nipple and I squeeze my thighs shut before he can even reach my wetness. He chuckles against my nipple and I melt beneath him. He pulls his other hand up from my thighs and brings it to my neglected breast. He kneads into me softly as I mewl above him. 

“Yes,” I pant breathlessly holding him against me. His teeth graze against my peak while his fingers roll my other and I come undone. 

“I know you can give me more.” he purrs slipping his hand down to my core. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Four years after wedding

I hold tightly to my daughter who’s clipped against me. My dragon soars through the clouds as she giggles wildly in my arms. Her baby dragon flies next to us crying out. I was absolutely terrified to bring her with on dragon back the first time but my dragon was calm and accommodating. As we land in the pits her dragon comes bounding in stumbling on his lengthy legs. We slide down off the side and I unclip her so she can run over to her dragon hugging him tightly. 

“She may steal your title for youngest dragon rider.” Benji kisses me before pulling me into a hug. 

“Her dragon has grown quite fast.” we look at our daughter playing with her dragon. “Did she show you which one she picked out?” I turn to him with a smile and he shakes his head no.

“Let’s go show daddy which egg you picked out for the babe.” I kneel down holding my arms out for her. She runs into my arms and I scoop her up. 

We travel down the incline and turn into the hot room where they house the clutches. Our daughter wiggles out of my arms before grabbing Benjis hand and dragging him to the back wall. 

“He’s gunna have this red one.” she lays her little palm on the egg. 

“He?” Benji turns to me with a smile. 

“She’s decided she’s having a brother.” I smile rubbing my bump. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Just under five years after the wedding

“If the family tradition keeps up like this your grandchildren will come out on dragonback.” my mother chuckles next to me bouncing my son on her hip as we watch my daughter fly around the courtyard a couple moons shy of five. 

“Did you hear that his is already spitting fire.” I sigh brushing his hair back. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” she smiles to me. “I’m happy to see you content.” 

“I am.” I smile as Benji scoops up our daughter before jogging over to us. My mother hands off my son to me before sweeping out of the courtyard. 

“My perfect family.” he showers all of us with kisses before pulling us into a hug. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

masterlist 🔌 

i’ve been neglecting the His Wife mini series but this def got the ball rolling again for me 

taglist ✍️ 

@clarityisnofun @callsignwidow @gabriella-aesthetic @llynx7 @violetiss3lfish @ka1afbr @akiko-oo @papichulo120627 @lizzylovebooks280501 @thatgirl101blog @ashovertheriver @zanygot7straykidsbonk @hueanhdang @malfoycassimalfoy @april-notthemonth69 @anaviieiraaa @p45510n4f4shin0n

[nicolesainz]

True soulmates (BC 21)

Ben Chilwell x reader

Warnings: mostly fluff, mentions of sex, angst, (Lance Stroll is mentioned as the ex boyfriend, sorry to all my Lance girlies)

Summary: what can a footballer give you more that your ex boyfriend couldn’t? what can one find in the arms of an childhood friend?

“Either you tell me the truth or you’ll never see me again!” Lance’s hand was on the door knob, waiting to be unlocked.

“What can’t you understand? Me and Ben are simply friends. I’ve known him my whole life!” I shout to his face, clearly being pointed as the liar once again.

“And that’s the problem! He’s too comfortable around you that thinks he can flirt with you even when I’m in the same room!” He is pulling his hair from frustration, trying not to scream.

“He isn’t flirting! Lance, come on. We’ve been together for two years. Ben is old enough to know what’s right or wrong”

“I tolerated him for two years and that’s enough. If I can’t reason neither of you, then there’s no point in us being together anymore” Lance’s words are bitter. They instantly hurt.

I don’t move. I only let my hot tears run down my cheeks, pooling my eyes and causing them to take a light shade of red.

“Even when we are away at races, he still somehow manages to capture your attention more than I do.”

His words may stab me like a knife but are true. Me and Ben were attached to the hip ever since I can remember. If I am not spending time with my family or Lance, it's definitely around Ben or along with his teammates. When I am with Lance on a race weekend, Ben and I tend to FaceTime a lot, because I skip a lot of his games with Chelsea.

That's when Christian's words echo once again in my brain

"You two are the definition of true soulmates. Completing each other."

"Do I lack in something? Is there something I can't give you that he can? Please tell me, Y/N!" the pleading Canadian's eyes were full in pain and lost all possible faith in me.

Lance has been nothing but an absolute sweetheart to me all those years. Introduced me from the very first moment to his friends, family, fellow f1 drivers. He has made me feel so many wonderful emotions, such as happiness, joy, pride, excitement.

And many more emotions but not one...that is love.

“I’m sorry Lance. I truly am.” I lower my head and let the tears drop on the floor. Why did this had to happen?

I can see his shadow approaching me and his fingers under my chin, raising my head so I can look him in the eyes. He isn’t mad. He looks disappointed and also sad. I feel awful for causing him pain.

“I didn’t want to make you feel like this! I swear if I could turn back time, I-“

“It’s okay. I am the one who’s sorry. I feel like you were wasting your time with me, when you should have been with someone else.”

“That’s not the case Lance! I love you. So very much.”

“Just not the way you love him”

It was the bitter truth. The comfort and security Ben made me feel was like no other. I always knew that my love for him was something special. I just had to bury it deep down and lock it up for the sake of our friendship.

“I know you love me Y/N. And I do too. I’ve spent two amazing years with you. You’ve been immense support to me. When everyone talked shit about me, you were the one to talk them down and defend me. That’s something I’ll forever cherish”

“And I will continue doing so. Whoever ends up in your arms, I hope she’s the one. No matter what, I will be a call away”

Lance wraps me into a final hug. I inhale deeply and close my eyes as I exhale. The pain was out of my body. If I could repay him in any way, I would do it in a heartbeat.

“If you ever feel like coming to a race again, hit me up. I’ll be more than happy to see you around. The guys too.”

“Of course. Keep an eye for me on the paddock. Good luck on everything. Goodbye Lance”

“Go tell him the truth. I’m sure there’s a happy ending awaiting”

————————————————————————

I look the time at my phone, 15:30. Since I was still in Silverstone, I had to travel all the way back to Cobham. He was still in training. I couldn’t show up at his house unannounced.

On the way back, silence is almost deafening so I decide to call the player I know is in practice but will surely pick up

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m coming over Chris. Don’t tell it to anyone and especially Ben”

“Uhhh, aren’t you supposed to be in Silverstone with Lance? What happened”

“I made a huge mistake. To which you helped me realize and Lance”

“Wait, did you guys brake up? And what did I do?”

“Nothing bad Puli. Don’t worry. Just helped me realize the truth”

“Oi, who’s on the phone? New girl captain?” I can hear Ben from the other side of the line, approaching Christian

“I’m hanging up. Don’t tell anyone!” And I immediately close the line. If Ben knew I was coming back he’d start calling me, asking questions I can’t possibly answer from the phone.

There are a million questions going back and forth in my mind right now.

What will Ben say?

Will he laugh at me?

Will he ever talk to me again?

Will we even be friends after this?

Will he hate me?

The list goes on as I finally reach the training center. Now it’s 17:00 and about time they finish practice.

I see Mason with Christian and Ben in the middle of their group. Christian is the first one to eye me, nudging Mason, who has a questioned look on his face.

Finally, Ben realizes his friends have gone quiet and raises his head and my heartbeat too.

“Y/N? Are you okay? What happened?” Ben rushes towards me, abandoning Mason and Christian.

“Aren’t you supposed to be two hours away in Silverstone?” Mason asks but before I could answer Christian drags him away

“We will talk later Ben. Text us when you get home” the American says as he walks away with his fellow British footballer, whispering something in his ear

I can’t feel my legs. My throat and mouth are all dried up. My stomach is tangled and my heart is racing faster than any car.

“You’re literally shaking. Did something happen between you and Lance? Did he hurt you?”

“No” is the only word I manage to utter. Great!

“No he didn’t hurt you or no nothing happened?”

“He didn’t hurt me” I can’t even look him in the eyes

“So something else happened?”

It’s now or never!

“We broke up. We had a fight. We ended things in good term and he told me to come here.”

“Why did you guys break up? And is he stupid? He kicked you out?”

“He didn’t kick me out. He suggested I came here and give you some explanations”

“Me? What did I do? Why do I need explanations?”

Oh god. This is horrifying.

“Ben, the reason we broke up is because i don’t love him”

“Oh”

“I love you”

And terror rushes all over my body.

He isn’t saying anything.

I am starting to get even more scared.

“Y/N..”

“I’m sorry Ben. You had to know. It’s totally okay if you don’t feel the same way. First and foremost I want us to remain friends. We’ve known each other so many years that I’d be a pity to ruin everything over a silly thing I said”

“I don’t find it silly at all” he finally says

Ben raises my head by placing two fingers under my chin. Once he takes a look at my teary red eyes and quivering lips, he brings his lips onto mine, placing a soft kiss on them. He deepens the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist. Instead of feeling suffocated, I feel even more alive than before.

It’s a kiss I’ve been dreaming of having with him. No one else but Ben. Years of anticipation and now this happens. Like a dream came true.

“This will sound extremely selfish but I couldn’t wait for the day you’d finally land in my arms” he whispers in my ear as I have my face cupped by his hands

“I couldn’t let myself fall in love with anyone else. Not when you are here. It felt so wrong and unfair.”

“You can’t even imagine how many nights I’ve spent sleepless, wanting to say those three words to you, Y/N”

“You can now”

“I love you. I will love you for as long as it takes. And will continue to do so. I’m sorry for not saying how I feel sooner. I could have had you in my arms way sooner”

“Well, as Christian said, we are true soulmates, so one way or another, we always were together.”

[v3nusxsky]

Good morning my love, I have another agere prompt for you!

Idea: Nat x R. So, the day had been going pretty smoothly until it hit mid day. Nat and r had been sparring in one of the training rooms. Nat had been showing R some new moves to help her better defend herself from others. A group of new recruits to the Avengers compound had been walking through the training room when it happened. In the far right corner of the room sat Nat and R's stuff. Next to a bag and a water bottle sat R's stuffy, Emer. A passing recruit saw the stuffie and picked it up, laughing to his friends. They joked about how dumb someone had to be to have a stuffed animal with them. Hearing this, nat and r turned to see them and r's eyes went wide. They were throw and pulling on Emer. R ran over to them and tried to get Emer back but they kept taunting her, calling her a baby and how weak she is. Of course nat came over and took out the main bully and handed Emer back to r. As soon as r had Emer she took off to her and Nats rooms. Once inside, r let out all her emotions, sadness, anger, confusion and her overwhelming need to regress. Just as nat came she saw and heard her little one crying on the couch holding Emer to her chest. Now nat goes full protective and cg mode. Coming over and soothing r, giving her a big hug, whipping her tears away and comforting her. They spend hours together as one, sometimes playing with Emer and R's other stuffies, or colors and watching her little ones favorite cartoon while munching on some candy necklaces. Nat just takes care of r, making sure she is okay, is loved and feels secure. At the end, nat and r fall asleep with nat holding r and Emer in her arms.

I hope this makes sense, love. And I know you'll do wonderfully writing this fic, I have full faith in you 😘

My Baby| Agere

*Authors note~ another Nat Agere 🥺🥹 I can't help myself these days and a big thank you to everyone who's been supporting me these past 3 weeks with my accident and all the hate. It's for you guys a different type of fic is coming can anyone guess what kind?*

Trigger warnings ~ Agere regression r bullying?

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Life at the compound was hectic to say the least, your mornings filled with training and meetings so over lunch was really the first time you could actually sit down and talk to your girlfriend since your good mornings. With some food and a dose of Natasha's smile you truly felt ready to take on the world again, despite the niggly pain in your head. Hand in hand with your girlfriend you made your way to the training room where you had your first kiss. Intent of teaching you some more moves that could help you protect yourself better on the next mission. Truly any reason to spar with you she took happily.

You placed your water bottle and special bag down next to Natasha's stuff in the right corner of the room before entering the middle of the mats. "Ready Natty?" You teased rather cockily causing Natasha to smirk, "to beat your ass each time малыш? (Baby) I'd never miss a chance to pin you to the ground дорогой" (my darling) "Natty" you whined, she knows how much her Russian accent turns you on and it was the best way to distract you enough. The distraction allowing her to preform her signature move and skill fully have you pinned to the ground and absolutely speechless. This happened time after time again, truly you didn't mind, but your defence was actually getting stronger with each attempt.

This one particular attempt you were so distracted by her thighs locked around your head, trapping your body to the ground with her body sending you into flashbacks of your bedroom activities last night. So distracted by one another you both failed to notice the new recruits coming through the room to enter the other training rooms, much like how Wanda did the day of your first kiss.

The loud roaring of laughter caused you both to break from the haze full of desire. You both turned to face the direction of the noise. Clearly, someone thought they were the funny one of the group. What you didn't realise is your beloved stuffy Emer was being useful make the joke that everyone was finding so funny. You caught sight of your bear dangling in the air as one of the taller recruits were dangling him upside down by his leg. "Can't believe one of the avengers are so dumb they have to carry around this babyish bear, and look how ratty it is ? I bet it's Wanda" one sniggered and another chirped up, "Maybe it's that freak Y/n, how did she even get to be an avenger?" The worst comment was, "perhaps the widow pulled strings, but she deserves a real man, not a freak like Y/n. I'm a real enough man for her, would love her on her knees sucking my big-"

You gasped in shock at the words cutting off his final word. Instantly, Natasha could tell the abuse has triggered you slipping which meant your reactions were definitely more unhinged than normal, all you saw was them hurting your beloved bear. Charging over to the group of recruits you immediately began trying to rescue Emer as they tossed him between themselves spewing horrid words at the same time. You almost looked like a small child trying desperately to win a game of piggy in the middle. There words going round in your mind but needing to get Emer back safe ultimately won out over their insults, "weak", "baby" and the worst "freak of nature" were repeated until suddenly it all stopped. Emer fell to the floor and you scurried to scoop him to your chest as silent tears trailed down your cheeks.

A quick glance at your lover, you saw her taking down each and everyone of the new recruits hardly breaking a sweat, so you knew that you were safe to run to your safe heaven. Yours and Natasha's bedroom. Entering the room you ran to the sofa and cuddled Emer to your chest as you sobbed. For all the mean words, the actions and the fact you weren't strong enough. That's all you could do is cry it out until you felt like you were running out of air. All the sadness, anger, confusion and the overwhelming need to slip further into little headspace than ever before.

Natasha came back to find you in such a state, immediately adopting the caregiver persona, your mama always knew just how to help and what you needed her to do. She scooped you up into her strong embrace, whispering words of love and reassurance with combing through your hair with her fingers in a comforting manner. From then on she helped you take Emer to the bear hospital, where you both fixed him up like doctors would, your other stuffies were the other patients and even had bandages or needed to have their temperature taken. Your reward was a Candy bracelet that you could munch on as you basket in the safety of her strong embrace. You and Emer fell asleep with Natasha's arms wrapped around you making sure you felt loved and protected.

Word count~ 1257

[marias-assumption]

This is such a sad song for me… it just has curiousest lyrics but w the profoundest meaning. —> Have i found you flightless bird? like… is it you? the one that won’t run away? have i found you already? or isn’t you after all?…

but at the same time is actualy a plaid for her to actually be the end-game for him.

and it says some weird stuff ab fat house cats, pissing on magazines 🐈 which i’ll explain 😝

first starts with “i was a quick wet boy diving too deep for coins all of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys” which means i was a poor little boy who spend way too much time outside the house, even playing with my toys in the street, knowing all the people are there to stare… with surprised or horror. very driven and moved to “Do stuff” to find meaning of live but at the same time not believing much in miracles (skepticism- not valuing the coins of the miracle’s fountain) with more of a materialistic ambition, and also with “quick wet boy” makes an allusion to “quick witted” which means smart… so i was a very driven and smart kid hoping for too much, not putting too much faith into heaven but driven to find myself in the world.

Then concludes that w “Then when the cops closed the fair I cut my long baby hair, stole me a dog-eared map And called for you everywhere” meaning, then time got me and i was growing up, and realized i need to “cut my long baby hair” long time being an immature person and realized i need to find this other bigger than myself stuff, and realized i really wanted someone, not keep on playing w my toys on the street… also the disapproval of peoples got a hold on time and was tired anyways.

(yeah. deep)

then the chorus suggesting he has been in the field, searching for its partner. bc it says “Or lost you? American Mouth” which alludes to just another lips i kissed. fast-lived. pointing out that the American culture can be so detached and filled w ill-used relationships, but he does lives this as a loss bc he also says “or lost you- “ is a loss for him. and ends with “Big pill looming” the fear of loss, or the threatening “another failed experience thrown into the trash” and he can sees the pills prescriptions coming. like is just another paperwork. But also, alludes at the saying “that’s a big pill to swallow” which could also refer to as the threatening unpleasant truth that appears its coming, a hard truth which he is not ready to accept yet

Last verse “Now I'm a fat house cat Nursing my sore blunt tongue, Watching the warm poison rats, Curl through the wide fence cracks, Pissing on magazine photos Those fishing lures” meaning that now he’s comfortable with her, kind of playing too comfortable, so comfortable that kind of forgot to take care of the relationship or himself. If you are blunt, you say exactly what you think without trying to be polite, so he was nursing his blunt tongue, words were a little too sharp. a house fat cat is a tamed animal, so he’s watching the rats run (the toxic things) just “happening” without doing much.. again. a little too comfortable. getting comfortable on the big creeks the house fences has, the door was open, it wasn’t a secured future yet, bc they were getting through tough times. is now or never- get through this. but he was “sleeping” on the cracks. Being passive-aggressive (like cats when they piss on places where they shouldn’t lol), but not trying to get into conflict, so he’s not fighting for her. He “caught” all those fishing lures the devil was throwing at him, they looked like food but it hurt, he engaged into all the vices being tricked, falling on the trap of laziness and gluttony.

but then he got kicked out sleeping outside: “Thrown in the cold and clean, Blood of Christ mountain stream”, and then he even went to ask for the forgiveness of his sins, hitting rock bottom, realizing his bad habits and looking up to God. Took him to believe in religion to really repent, and realizing what he was ab to loose (bc the cat slept outside, is not fully over)- He had matured, was not a skeptic little kid anymore. he’s now respectful of the fountain of miracles and he takes life seriously, he was sleeping on it.

Last chorus slight change “Have I found you? Flightless bird - Grounded, bleeding - Or lost you? American mouth Big pill, -stuck going down-“ Meaning now that he repents he’s asking if even after all this war, all this bad times, could she stay with him forever and be the flightless bird? he feels sorry for her bc now that he truly sees her he can see the damage done, and he knows asking her to stay forever after all this is like a flightless bird wounded, bleeding. Now believing in repentance, mentioning “blood christ mountain stream” he swallows the blood of christ and maybe even ready to get married (thing he was being so lazy for before- thinking she was asking too much), so he asks again “can you stay? i know you’re wounded but i promise to solve this” (have i found you flightless bird .grounded. bleeding), he doesn’t feel good offering her this not-so tempting future w him, also alluding the guilt and regret he feels. Bc he repented he is ready to fully be what she needs, he will do it with the right way (alluding religion, sins, forgiveness, church, marriage maybe as well)… but he also gives her the the option to leave, because she’s free to decide, but if she does, this will be the big pill that’s gonna get stuck going down. like “have i lost you…? no. i’m not ready to believe it. it’s too hurtful to imagine now. you’re not gonna be just any hard pill to swallow, you’re gonna be the pill that’ll get stuck in my throat…” meaning, he will never be able to get over her.

So it’s like a realistic love song, after the hard times has passed… you can see he really loves her, putting the other person above your needs, or your selfishness, is really love… this song is a whole journey, talks ab his learning on learning how to love and how to live

**finishing writing this actually tearing up a little*** 🥲

[punkpandapatrixk]

Variety🍓

I have been having these extreme ups and downs of fearful thoughts since this year has started. As I’m writing this I’m not sure what I’m trying to express myself. I just want to let some thoughts and feelings out, I guess.

I think this is just a crazy time of release or transmutation or transcendence that makes me feel hopeful but hateful about everything all at once. I’m in this liminal space where all desires seem possible but I don’t know which options would make me happiest.

People say, ‘We become cowards at the gate of happiness…’ But I don’t even know if the gates I’m facing wouldn’t trick and disappoint me. I’ve lived my entire Life surviving disappointment after disappointment; I can’t help but dread the idea of passing another challenging gate, only to be met with another subpar Reality…

It just feels like a broken scenario that isn’t worth another broken heart. All of my hope and faith for nothing but fleeting delight… Another false alarm.

Typically, I’m not one afraid of making mistakes. But when imagining myself living with the consequences of good enough choices that are inherently lesser than my grandiosely greedy desires, I get debilitating anxiety. I don’t want a Rolex of a Reality; I want my Patek Philippe of a Reality… if that… makes sense.

I know I should know better not to be so unsure and cowardly about the future. I write content about everybody’s Highest Possible Destiny and blah blah… But I get paralysed at every new thought for analysis.

☆♪°・.

On another note! After roughly a year battling with low income to a point of forgetting how it feels to have resources… Demand for my ‘day job’ has returned to normal!✨🌸📚I also •suspect• I’m the only writer my long-time client is working with at the moment, so he’s giving me SO MUCH WORK TO DO!📚✍🏻👩🏻‍💻🍾

Never will I know money worries again unless another pandemic bullshit hit🤞🏻But that being said, I’ll need to make a lot of time for my ‘day job’ for now so I can secure my finances going forward✨But you already know I feel the most lethargic on days I can’t touch my tarot cards and work on something for the blog. Yet, PACs require so much energy and spiritual focus; there isn't enough time in the day to work peacefully on both🥵

SO! I’m finally going with this idea I’ve been ruminating for quite a while!🎉

Punk Daily Read!🌸

Not daily predictions. More like daily reassurances for when somehow someway something in your day turns gloomy. Just in case you could benefit from words of affirmations that act like an umbrella to protect or ice cream to elevate your mind from excessive sad thoughts🎭😿☔️

I would definitely benefit from that. These days I’ve been battling gloomy skies in my mind to such an extreme I lose my shit on the daily. I’ve been binge watching tarot readings on YouTube e.ve.ry.da.y and it’s still not helping. Sometimes I have heart palpitations from too much worry/anxiety/overthinking. I need something more calming coming from myself🌸🍦🍵

I’m still working on the formats, templates and aesthetics of Punk Daily Read, but if you’re interested, don’t hesitate to give it a follow now~🌸This secondary blog will be dedicated to JUST daily readings💗Hope you’ll enjoy💐🌷🩰

[lil228]

Red White and Royal Blue Notes Day 5

WARNING- Spoilers for the movie and the book up to chapter 11

kay the two of them quoting historical love letters to each other is absolutely adorable! If someone did that for me I think I’d cry of happiness.

Henry telling Alex part of his life story in the form of a fairytale is really interesting. It allows Henry to have a sort of distance from the tragedy of his father’s death and the aftermath. The last paragraph is particularly good, and a really creative way for Henry to express his love for Alex

Alright the two are in the same country again, and normally that means a spicy scene, but I don’t actually think there will be one this time. 

Oh God! I did NOT need to know that information about LBJ

Okay so with the President, Zahra and now Oscar the total of people who know about Alex and Henry is 10- we are now in the doubled digits, and based on the fact that at least two of those people put together on their own, I’m honestly shocked that more people don’t know. Alex is definitely not a subtle as he things he is.

  “I-I don’t know I thought you might need to have, like a Catholic moment about this or something?” Why is this similar to what I though when I came out to my parents. They were way more chill about it than I thought. They were just kinda like okay and moved on. 

“Have a little more faith in your old man that that eh A little appreciation for the patron saint of gender-neutral bathrooms in California? Little Sh*t.” (255) That was really funny, and also almost word for word in the movie!

I like that Alex tells his dad that his mom made a PowerPoint about the situation and his dad’s like- yea that sounds like your mom.

“Sometimes you just have to jump and hope it’s not a cliff.” (256). If I recall correctly this was in the movie to, I really like this quote. 

   Alright so the sex was more implied that an actual scene, so I was right there was no spicy scene. If Henry gets back to England before an spicy scene I’m going to give myself a point. 

I thinks it’s funny that out of, petulant, short and not pleasant before until after 10 am, Alex takes the most umbridge with being called short.

Dose making out in the kitchen count as a spicy scene? Okay new rule- it doesn't count as spicy scene unless 1. It’s an actual scene so for example if two people wake up next to each other the next morning in their birthday suits that doesn't count. 2. one or more people become pantsless for purposes of adult activities, it can fade to black before the act it’s self but not before one or more of the parties are sans pants, or their is some other strong indicator that the act is going to happen. 

Okay well now I’m having another dos it count moment, per the rules someone has to be sans pants for the purpose of adult activities and seems like Henry is pantless but he did to jump into the lake? Like I’m really confused? I mean I think it was getting there but they didn’t? I think If I’m confused as to wether or not the criteria it doesn't. Like it seems like the scene was headed in that direction but just never got there. So I’m going to go with no, no, it wasn’t   

I have another prediction point.I am now at 6. 

I knew that Henry was going to start ignoring Alex bc I’ve watched the movie but it’s still making me sad

Alex finding that note- ugh my heart.

You’re at work, don’t cry, don’t cry don cry!

Okay so Zahra has to at least ship it a little bit, because she only nearly refuses to secure a car for Alex in England.

 Did Alex leave a note telling anyone where he went? Well I guess Zahra knows were he is

“My birthright is a country, not happiness.”  That made me really sad, poor Henry, I just want to give him a hug and tell him everything will be okay. 

Ugh Henry is crying, I can’t take it!

Ok geez that spicy scene came out of nowhere! 

I love that Henry references Darcy. I think a lot of men are afraid to reference Pride and Prejudice or even read it because they think it’s a girly romance novel, but Henry doesn't care. I think it just goes to show how much Henry can be himself around Alex, and of course he’s read Pride And Prejudice because Jane Austen.

Henry is absolutely correct. Who in their right mind eats plain toast? At least put some butter on it! Like I’m sorry but eating plain toast unless you have a stomach bug is an affront to, bread, breakfast, and humanity.    

“If there’s any legacy for me on this bloody earth, I want it to be true.” (280)

I love that June has texted Alex 46 times, and Nora’s just chill about the thing. Like everyone else is freaking the f*ck out and Nora’s like eh whatever, have you seen my shoes?

Also “I’m going to punch you in the face when you get back, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” and “I swear to God if you do something stupid and get yourself caught, I’m gonna kill you myself.” (281) while also wanting to know how it went is just peak big sister energy. 

“I know it’ll be messy. But if we can get ahead of the narrative, wait for the right time and do it on our own terms I think it should be okay?” (283) Uhg, knowing what’s coming hurts.

I would love for someone to take me to a museum when there was no one else there, except for the curators so I could ask them loads of questions.  I could look at all the things (art or history, or both) for as long as I wanted, I could read all the information without any pressure or anyone in the way. It would be a dream for me.  

I too could spend hours in an archive.

[grimalkinmessor]

Don't mind me I'm trying to archive my Death Note OCs before I forget to draw them :')

Suraci -

Shinigami

He/It

Completely translucent skin, metal cage for a chest with fire trapped in it, glass orb eyes, wax wings, wax claws, glass teeth. BALD.

Beyond's "dad" as far as Shinigami can be called that

Got fuckin' BODIED by Cinis after he found out that it possessed a human and had sex with the guy's wife, producing a semi-Shinigami kid. He ded.

Stranger: Your parents know you talk like that?

Baby Beyond: They dead. •_•.

Stranger: ...(0-0");

Cinis -

Shinigami King

He/She (Mostly he)

BIG. Completely void black save for his wings, which are made up of bones. Long locs with glass shards throughout, hollow eye sockets, gold fangs, spider legs jutting out of his spine behind his wings, cloven feet. No flesh to his cheeks so you can see all her teeth ✨

He mostly just vibes until someone fucks something up. He's also not always super pressed do anything about it either lol. Deadass she could hear explosions in the distance and just be like "Damn hope that didn't ruin anything important. Anyway." Depending on what fic I'm sticking him in, Cinis either admires Kira from afar, or is out for his life/pride. There's SOME inbetween, but not much. If you noticed I made him bigender to mirror my hc that Light is bigender yes you did.

Vasykl Keehl -

Human

He/Him

Mello's older brother who got separated from him in the system. Spent the rest of his life trying to track his little brother down but being blocked by Wammy's at every turn. Grew up and became a private security guard that still looks for Mello on the side.

Vas is,,,,very tall. Tall and broad—looks kind of like Aiber but a bit softer. He's blond, just like Mello, but his eyes are hazel instead of blue. Daddy's eyeballs. He wears a lot of leather, just like Mello, but he looks more like a biker than a BDSM king. Imagine S1 Emma Swan but male.

Henka -

Human

He/Him

Trans! He's fifteen, one of Kira's faithful brought in by Mikami. Very shy and quiet but also lethally loyal to Light. An acknowledged acolyte and eventual High Priest.

Mice -

Human

They/Them

Fuckin' NUTS. Small, wild brown hair, likes to climb things. Always wearing someone else's jacket. It changes every time you turn around—it's like a superpower. Age ambiguous but anywhere from twelve to fifteen, depending on whether or not they're acting serious at the time. Lotsa freckles and big ole blue-gray eyes.

Small time criminal and petty thief that Kira employs to get him information on the Bigger Fish™ of the underworld. They adore mushrooms and shiny things; they are also homeless and slightly feral. Mice will rob you blind before you can get through saying hello to them. Light becomes very good at dodging sudden sneak attacks because Mice keeps trying to climb him—it's quickly becoming their life goal.

Spider -

Human

She/Her

Somewhere around fifteen-sixteen-seventeen. Black. Dark brown hair that ombres into hot pink at the ends—her bangs cover her eyes and most of the top half of her face; effectively making it very difficult for anyone to find out her true name even with Shinigami eyes. Dresses mostly in leather and fluff, always in black and neon. Scene kids WISH they had her swag.

Big ole cyber nerd. Even better at hacking than Matt. She figures out who Kira is and tracks him down so she can talk to him—she mirrors Misa a bit but her relationship with Light is far closer to Sayu's. She's a (annoying) guiding voice on morals and helps Light track down corrupt government officials on the condition that he, you know, calm the hell down on murdering purse snatchers and pick pocketers. She originally tracked Kira down because he murdered her mom—not that she's particularly sad about it.

"You killed my mom"

"I don't remember that but I'm not going to apologize—"

"Oh no you don't have to, she was a bitch, I wanted to say thanks actually"

No, Mice and Spider do not know the other exists. This is a testament to both of their prowess lmao. Light's definitely not going to tell them because they would band together against him to annoy the absolute shit out of him. Also blackmail. They would totally blackmail him.

[valiantlycleverinfluencer]

Saying I wish the best to non Israeli Jews is deeply troubling. Half the Jews in the world live in Israel. Many came there as refugees fleeing genocide or are the children of those who did. Some have been living there for longer than the Israeli state. Jews have been expelled from innumerable countries. For some, there was nowhere else to go. Regardless of your feelings about Israel, this is simply fact.

And just like in every country, opinions vary widely! There are Israeli anarchists who despise their government, who fight the draft. There are violent and racist nationalists. And everything in between.

I doubt you chose your nationality and I doubt your country is one free of human rights violations and catastrophe.

I despise the Israeli government. I want an end to the genocide in Gaza. I am not coming to you from an Israeli nationalist perspective at all. But please, if you are talking about dehumanizing and demonizing people, please look inward.

Hmm. I understand how you could read that and come to that interpretation but that’s not at all what I meant. Right now non-Israeli jews are in the particular circumstance of having absolutely influence and (not all) connection to Israel as a state. It wasn’t an exclusionary statement meaning to say I wish the worst for Israeli jews. I was stating my sympathy for those specifically in the circumstance of being Jewish outside of Israel in the time of this global movement.

Sometimes when people say things they really only mean the words they say. I do have sympathy for Israeli jews and for Israelis in general. Living in an apartheid state is harmful to all involved in different ways. And resistance is difficult and often comes at a great personal cost to their safety security health and wellbeing. They just weren’t who I was talking about at the time in my statement. No one chooses where they were born. And I know there are undoubtably Israeli, Jewish or not, who oppose the actions of their government. Young and old. We can only control what we have control over.

😓Will there come a time where I am interpreted in good faith? No matter how many words I use to try and specify what I’m saying it seems someone’s always going to read into it something I never said nor meant. Autism loss. Also. I don’t get why people come into other people inboxes on anon instead of just replying where the comment was made. Cause like I have no way of knowing who this person is. Their connection to me or my statement or the issue. When I see comments I don’t like I ignore them or reply to them directly I have never been compelled to seek people out. Especially on anon cause you’re not getting a notification for this reply so either they’re refreshing my blog to wait for my response (silly) or they’re never going to see my reply (pointless). I feel like I’ll probably get some more of these but at least this one isn’t telling me to shut the fuck up 🙄. I’m answering any of them I think are genuinely in good faith (until such a time where they prove to not be in my eye) when I have something to say about it.

If you took the time of your day to read this I hope you’ll take the time of your day to donate or reblog some of the gfms for Palestinian families. It makes me so sad that I can’t donate to them because I’m on OW and I’m below poverty. I can barely afford groceries so I really sympathize with the displaced Palestinians , and Sudanese, facing all the atrocities. Our struggles are interwoven.

Free Palestine. Land Back. End the occupation.

Pps my direct messages are open to the best of my knowledge so if you really have an issue with how I said what I said and can’t help but make it my problem the least you could do is speak to me directly as we are both just people on the internet. Glhf sorry for the long post

[poeteroyal]

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic.

Patience is not rewarding. It still holds space in our energy and makes us tired, exhausted and hopeful. Patience leads to disappointment. Long periods of time without confirmation, if you get it at all. Doing all the work- the healing, the building, the boundaries, are all for ourselves. It doesn’t bring in what we are being desperately patient for. It may help in a way of becoming content, but the reward will never be what we hope for. I took my time, although impatient with healing, building, boundaries, to be where I am today. Mentally sound, financially secure, and knowing what I want and how to keep it safe does nothing for desire. I can get an inch close to my desire and it whisps away leaving a lesson that is necessary. I accept the lesson and sit with it until I can apply it to my life and/or ways of thinking. I express gratitude for everything that comes into my life, and everything that leaves. This time, the exit wasn’t so painful. Once again, disappointed, but not terribly distraught or sad. I do this thing where I go to the gym early in the morning, I grab a coffee afterwards, and on my way home I say what I want to say to whoever. I thought I didn’t care as much about this current situation, but I do, just not to the same degree as all the others. It took a while, but I finally cried. Out of frustration. Not because he put himself in the category all the other men have ended up in, but because he made me want something that is more likely than not, something I’ll never have.

His exit was confusing, but ultimately because he wanted kids and I didn’t. Saying he needed a few days to think about things then ghosting me. No good morning or good night texts starting the day. Every woman knows what that means. It’s over. I told him I may consider kids, but that it requires further conversation and time together. When confronted with my boundaries, he pulled the, “I need to focus on myself.” card. Then why ask me to be yours, then days later, disappear? No explanation, no communication, another man that didn’t do what he promised he would. Since then, I’ve seen my PCP, my psychiatrist, therapist, and friends to examine my thoughts and side in this. Ultimately, it comes down to the trauma of my first pregnancy. I won’t go into details because I’m not trying to get triggered. But when posed with the inquiry of having another kid, and what it would look like, that's when I got upset. 

I thought about how I’d feel if I got pregnant on my terms. Now at a secure time in my life, where it’s not out of the realm of possibility, and my [conception] health being the best it's ever been, I felt the joy of looking at a positive test like I had been desiring it. What it would look like to have a partner I trusted to do this with. Now, I can’t stop thinking about it. Knowing that with my history of solidarity and the caliber of man that it would take, that the chances of feeling safe enough to move forward with having another child is not only slim, but nearly impossible. I thought he just needed time. I was waiting on his call, on our next conversation to explain this revelation, but that call won’t ever come. He’s gone, stuffed into that category, and I’m not letting that affect my mood. The lesson I learned from him is that I want to feel the joy of creating another life. That’s a heavy, heavy point for me to even get to. That if I had the right partner we could still travel with the baby, create an empire of our own joy and provide an example of what a stable and loving family can look like. 

As of now, I’m doing what I usually do, retreating. Back into my cute little cave filled with plants, cats, and my beautiful daughter. I’m not responding to anyone or going anywhere. I’m writing, playing music, and reading. I’m living in a state of faith, connecting with spirit, and gratitude for my progress. He closed the door, but I opened one that could bring the most unique bliss into my life. I just need to remove the lazyboy recliner that I post myself in, staring at it, waiting for someone to come through it that I can experience it with. If it happens it happens. I won’t be impatient or patient. The door is open, and I’ll feel the breeze from time to time. It may make me colder than I want to be at times, or the perfect chill that brings relief to overheating and exhaustion. I am the mother I always wanted to have, I am proud and loving and present. And I hope I get the chance to grow another child to share that with. If not, I’m content as is. Patience does not bring reward, but being content is better than being miserable.

[eswel]

Well, folks. It's been a week since the last post. I was waiting until Crunchyroll retired the advertisement to publish the third part, but it's past the end of september and they haven't took it down yet, so I think I'm just gonna release it now. The phenomenon has calmed down and nothing notorious has happened since october started and I doubt anything else happens until they decide to retire it, which will probably be a tragic day. It was a wild couple of weeks, I hope you had fun reading about this whole rollercoaster. Without further ado, I bring you the last part of the Gojo memorial saga. More under the cut.

Tuesday (continuation)

The whole affair permeated into society. The ladies from the morning show had talked about how parents should get involved with the interests of their children. Passerbys who don't know of the anime (such as older generations) got curious and approached to ask what was all the fuss about. Even a group of little kids were seen in a school trip and visiting the memorial.

Wednesday (september 27)

People also left balloons, teddy bears and a glue bar in the same vein as the tape and band-aids.

(Source)

Metro took advantage of the situation and published a message in Twitter saying that Gojo advises people to follow the security rules of the public transport. This is not unusual. Brands and community managers regularly make anime references, because like half of the chilean population loves anime (including CMs).

People answered the tweet asking for a special Metro card themed after Jujutsu Kaisen. The CM also wrote things like "in our hearts he's still around" and "we refuse to believe he's dead" in the replies. Now they actively encouraged fans to leave their messages in the mural.

Thursday (september 28)

Other messages that fans have written over the days:

"Gege pay my therapy"

"1% chances, 99% faith"

"Alexa play [name of a sad song]"

"You couldn't win against the power of the script"

"Bring the glue"

"Not even Judas dared this much"

"I don't know who you are, but my daughter loves you"

"My mom gave me life, but Gojo the will to live"

"F in the chat"

People from other chilean cities and from all over Latin America sent their messages, including Argentina, México, Brazil, Perú, Paraguay, Colombia, Ecuador, Bolivia, Guatemala, El Salvador, also Spain and even some far away places like a southeast asian country (I think?). Incredible. I'm not part of the JJK fandom, but that's why I can tell you I'm impressed. You guys did this together.

(Source)

In addition to the sticky notes and fanart, people also left memes. A few of them:

Woman Yelling at Cat, but the cat is Gege Akutami

Object or Cake, but with Gojo

Homer Simpson: "If he's so smart, how come he's dead?"

Friday (september 29)

As mentioned before we have a couple of TV channels dedicated to anime. One of those channels, ETC, was the first media outlet that published the news last week and now they visited the memorial (it starts at 10:30). They read some messages and praised the creativity and organizational skills of fans. They also discussed how this went beyond the local anime community, reaching families, the rest of society and international fans.

They interviewed the staff of Metro and some fans. The lady from Metro did this whole corporate talk about how important is for the company to engage with the citizens, because they are a public service. Metro also published an article on their website, saying they were surprised with the whole affair.

Saturday (september 30)

By this point the advertisement has gotten completely covered. I've had noticed that people were avoiding to cover his face, but since the wall had become crowded and there wasn't more space, in the end they left messages on top of the face too. The thing even goes around the wall.

(Source)

(Source)

As a final note, another cultural fun fact. In chilean culture, animitas (from the word anima, which means soul) are set up to honour the deceased and it's believed their spirits roam around the place, so people go and ask favours. In the yellow sticky note someone is asking Gojo to bless this person and help them to find a job. Here's a thread explaining more about it.

(Source)

The Gojo memorial: the whole story

You may already seen that here in Chile people created a shrine in the subway in order to honour Satoru Gojo. I'll try to recreate the entire chain of events as far as I could gather in social media for everyone's convenience, so you can read about the whole thing in just one post. Buckle up, because we're in for a ride, this story is really good. More under the cut.

Thursday (september 21)

There was an advertisement by Crunchyroll promoting the series at some subway stations. A few people decided to bring some flowers and messages as offering to the character.

(Source: https://twitter.com/destinysuede12/status/1704909879717118314)

The thing started to quickly escalate and soon more people started to leave messages, flowers and candles.

I remember seeing a picture of someone from the staff of Metro cleaning the offerings with a broom. I tried to search for it now, but I can't find it anymore. It got buried by the flood of tweets.

*Edit* I found the picture. Someone shared it again.

Friday (september 22)

The next day the memorial became huge. You may think that people were being serious about the whole thing of setting a memorial , but most messages and drawings were humourous. A few of them:

"Steal the sky"

"Paradise won an angel"

"The sky is bluer because of your eyes"

"Fly high"

"The moon will be more beautiful with you up there"

"You'll be the brightest star"

"You broke my heart in two"

"Exorcise the sky"

"You gave everything, my king"

"Gojo lives"

There was even drawings making fun of what happened to him. People patched him up with band-aids and tape. Well, that's our kind of humour, we chileans can have a dark sense of humour.

(Source: https://twitter.com/thdiors/status/1705411138073010470)

Even some people in cosplay showed up.

In the late hours of the day, the security guards started to dismantle the shrine, just like the previous day. Then they were assigned to custody the advertisement.

(Source: https://twitter.com/edowoo/status/1705325172817809533)

(Source: https://twitter.com/pucha_tam/status/1705355763604992086)

Saturday (september 23)

The next morning Metro changed their minds and allowed the messages and drawings, but they said that candles were forbidden, because they're dangerous. Understandable.

The event had started to make it to the online versions of the news media, but also in the print version for it appeared on the front page of one of the major newspapers. They dedicated 3 pages surrounding the whole thing. One for the memorial itself, one for the cultural importance of the religious practice known as "animitas" and one for the social impact of anime.

(Source: https://twitter.com/edowoo/status/1705585808697442482)

The shrine continued to grow and people started to leave other offerings like sunglasses and even gummies and chocolates. You see, in our culture when people set up animitas usually they leave things that the person liked. I've never seen this anime and I don't know the character. Does he likes candy? You guys tell me.

(Source: https://twitter.com/Migueo_0/status/1705691688277057565)

Sunday (september 24)

By the time I'm writing this post is sunday. I heard the rumour that Crunchyroll called Metro to retire the advertisement, but I cannot confirm if this is true or not. Also, I have the feeling that the whole situation can even appear on TV, considering that we have 2 TV channels dedicated solely to anime, but that would be on monday. We'll see. If I see any new development in the saga of the Gojo memorial I'll update this post.

[beloved-31-proverbs-women]

I am just another woman. I may not always be the perfect choice, but I'm a good choice. I know what I deserve and I know what I lack- even when it takes me far too long to painfully admit it. I think too much and I sleep too little. I am all, or I am nothing, but I am never nothing at all.

I love deeply. I am a dreamer rooted in the supernatural. I am eclectic, and my heart is made of those whom I love and those whom have loved me. I am simply- complicated. I deserve to be one persons, one and only. I am independent and strong willed; craving honesty, thirsting for truth, and believing in relentless love to win- every time.

I am passionate and full of fire- housed within unwavering strength. I am a paradox. I am a face of pretty porcelain stories with a body of terrible tales told in the form of scars. I am not my battle wounds. I am the war, and I am the Purple Heart hero of it. I am sensitive, and I am tough. I cry more than most; less in sadness and more in anger. My silence booms louder than the thunder heads across desolate terrains. My prayers are inaudible to many, but thank God, thank God He hears them.

I love all the little things that make up the big things stored within my analytical brain. I love with my mind and breathe with my heart. I set sail though my hope and I travel in actions of faith outwardly expressed. I want nothing more than to lead others to a visual and relentless picture painted with my pain, telling a story of Gods grace, and most of all- His love.

I am all consuming, and I am exhausting, and I am often hard to love. I am worthy of being embraced in all my entirety of disaster, for the broken are able to love those who are broken too. I am light and it is why the cracks and unexpected drops in life have turned me into art. I cannot shine without the endless broken seams consciously choosing to let out the glow housed within me. I choose to let Gods light radiate through my flaws, and illuminate the beauty around me, even when the pain within me remains.

I am a good woman, full of power fed by having overcome that which was sent to destroy me. I am a raging storm, housing secrets behind these emerald eyes, and looking for a perspective that my knowingly naive mind has yet to collaborate. I stand upright with my head held high- not in full belief and trust in the woman that I am, but in the hope that I remain to stay balanced on this very un-level terrain called life just a bit longer, until I can see the reflection of the woman I strive to become.

I am a woman who stands before you today aware of my failures and shortcomings. I want to be loved so fully that I am left with only love to give. My mind rattles and my spirit shakes, but my heart- it's beating, but not moving. I am a surface of desolation upon layers of internal movement; ever hoping, ever praying, ever loving. I am unsteady, but I am secure. I am not like her or them or those. I am me, and that is good enough. I am the child of a King, and on the days where I feel as if I know nothing, at least I know this. I AM His. 🖤

[oldsoulintrovert]

2022.12.31

It's the last day of the year...again. In less than 12 hours, it will be 2023 and a few days after that, I'll be turning 31 years old. How time flies. I still feel like it's 2020 and I'm still 28 with so much plans that all dissipated into the air.

How did I spend my 30th year? Just like how I spent the previous 10 years—unemployed. I still don't know how to drive, still don't know what to do with my life, still feeling insecure and useless.

What are my achievements this year? I got back into reading. I am currently finishing my 100th book this year. I also took the Civil Service Exam last August 7 and passed with an average of 87.72 which made me proud of myself a little. I was able to buy a new tablet with my own savings from the interest I earned from the gadgets my mom sold in installment basis payment. I was able to tithe 10 percent of my earnings which amounted to a couple of thousands in total. I have felt a little less useless as I help clean my parents' room where I'm still staying. I have also started to take care of two plants: a succulent given by Trixie from a baby shower and the indoor plant my mom bought. Those are my small victories this year and I hope to have more next year.

What are the changes this year?

The balcony has been turned into a room where we eat our meals everyday. We can no longer watch TV while eating but we almost not watch anything since I went back to my reading groove.

BTS announcing their military enlistment after their Busan concert last October 15 in an effort to support the city's bid for the World Expo 2030 as the official ambassadors. This December 13 at 1PM KST, Seokjin has officially started his mandatory military service training.

Lesly left for Canada this December and will be a working student, taking up a Human Resource course for a year. In her letter, she promised the immigration that she will come back after her studies but I doubt she will before securing a job first. It makes me sad that almost all of my friends are away now but I'm glad they are living a good life.

Tita Neneng coming home from Italy for good. She arrived with Tita Lou last November 6 and will no longer be returning abroad while Tita Lou leaves in the early months of 2023.

I have started using Libby and have borrowed tons of books already. As a result, I mostly read on Kindle these last few weeks instead of Play Books.

Disney+ is finally available in the Philippines starting November 17. I purchased a 1 year subscription through GCASH for a discounted price and shared the account with 3 others from Twitter.

I have decided to stay away from milk because I have noticed how it exacerbates my skin issue which I assume to be granuloma annulare and so far, I have not seen a new one grow.

My Dad and I are no longer eating rice for breakfast. It started when he incorporated Glucerna into his diet. He is also now eating red rice instead of white. The last time we checked a couple of days ago, his blood sugar level is down to 178. I believe with exercise, it will lower down even more.

Lastly, the change of certainty with regard to my Dad's eyes' condition. As per the Doctor, his right eye is the only one functioning now and unfortunately, an operation will not be able to help. He is now taking Doxium, a calcium dobesilate to help ease eye pressure, three times a day but the good news is, we have the GREATEST PHYSICIAN in our side and with faith, all things are possible with HIM. A miracle is as close as saying the name of JESUS.

In the latest vlog of Yoongi, he said that he has desired to learn many things as he reached the age of 30 and so, I will endeavor to dabble on many things next year. As I am at the bottom now, there is no other place to go but up.

[hcrdknocklife]

"I think it's the sad reality of trying to date anyone these days, and not just the men. Most people seem to enter a relationship when they don't even feel secure with themselves. They think that they could only feel good about themselves by being with someone else, and that's always a recipe for disaster." Hayes noted, breathing out a sigh of disappointment at the mere thought of how relationships seemed to work these days. It really was unfortunate that the bar was so low. But truth was that it always had been, at least according his own experience. Being the son of Nora Hayes had been more than enough for him to understand that, considering that Christopher Adams could not even do the bare minimum of being faithful in a relationship. Perhaps that was why Hayes had always strived to be better. To be better than his father. To treat everyone better than his mother had been treated. It really was unfortunate that his attitude towards how to treat people in a relationship was considered a rarity when it shouldn't be. "Well, you can always trust me, Riley... with anything. I know you've probably been wondering why someone like me would ever want to spend an entire evening hearing you complain, considering how busy I am... and I know, I just told you that I have a lot on my plate. But I would rather spend my time being there for someone who deserves to have my time than deal with the bureaucratic bullshit that I'm being forced to put up with on a daily basis, and getting to know one of my hardworking employees is better than literally anything else I could be doing." And he meant it. "Of course, I would... I mean, if you need me to help you study, I'll be more than happy to do it. I know you won't have any issues with the subject matter, but the oral components of the boards can be brutal if you don't know how to talk to the panel of doctors who will conduct that part of the exam. Most of the time, they're older... and much experienced. They're like vultures. They'll try to intimidate you just to see if you'll crack under the pressure. You need to know how to present yourself in front of them, and I can definitely help you with that. As I said, my office is always open." He offered them a rather reassuring smile, hoping that they understood that it really was no bother.

Riley's words cause the smile on his lips to grow wider, and Hayes found himself wondering how she had been able to make such an assumption about his mother. "Well, you're not wrong about that. I guess she didn't have that many expectations for me, especially when it came to what kind of doctor I would be. She always told me that being a good doctor means that I should be a good person first. I've tried my best to be that, but these days... I spend so much time being surrounded by people who care about saving money than saving lives, I feel like I might turn into one of them. It's hard, being around people like that, and still staying true to yourself. But I'm doing the best I can." He admitted, his smile not fading from his lips as he spoke before a soft chuckle bubbled out of him upon hearing what she had to say about his father. "It's fine if you do judge him harshly just based on what you do know about him. You clearly seem to know more than enough to make that call. Besides, you're not that far off. My father may have been a brilliant surgeon, but he was not the nicest person... at least, according to most people who knew him. I only knew him during his last days, so his attitude had somewhat changed when he realized that he was dying. But I was told that he was quite an arrogant man. He did not treat his staff with respect, and often prioritized his prestige over patient care. He took on high profile surgeries to make himself look good, and when making budget cuts, it's the pro bono budget that he often tried to cut down on. Even I wouldn't have been able to work for a man like him, so I'm not all that surprised by you saying that." Perhaps he should thank his lucky stars that his father was dead, because he was certain that he could not have met Riley if the man was still here. "In that case, how about I bring you lunch instead?" He suggested, a teasing smile plastered across his lips.

"You know, if you had told me this sooner, I would have just brought us there instead of here... you know, if that would've made you more comfortable." Needless to say, Hayes had always been keen on supporting small, family-owned businesses. Knowing that Riley had been raised by such hardworking parents had only caused for him to have more respect towards them, not to mention the fact that the kind of upbringing that she must have had perfectly explained why she had such an incredible work ethic. She worked just as hard. "Resorting to violence, are we? Not a good look on you, Dr. Ellis." He could not help but let out a rather hearty laugh, and he shook his head. "So, what you're telling me is that your parents still gave you a relatively normal childhood despite everything else that was going on? It's good to know that your mother let you be a child, and encouraged you to have that as a hobby... which seems to be helping you out with your stress in the long run. Most parents are not like that. But I have to be honest. I can't even imagine it... little Riley in a kitchen, clothes all covered in flour." The thought of it alone had been enough to make him smile wider, and he leaned back in his seat. "What was it like? Growing up with your parents?" Truth be told, a part of Hayes had been quite curious to learn more about their childhood, and family life, considering that they seemed much more relaxed when speaking of their parents' cafe than anything else that they had talked about that evening. He wanted to let Riley relax after the day that she has had. But he also not deny the part where he had also been curious to know how it felt... being raised in a family that seemed much more stable than the one he did not have growing up. Not that he did now. But he could not complain either. "Oh... I know she can be quite convincing. Being the youngest in the family, she is quite spoiled. She never takes no for an answer." Regardlessly, Hayes adored his little sister with his whole heart, being the closest thing she had to their father.

"Well, I appreciate it either way." Hayes remarked with a nod of his head. Of course, he understood that people had physical needs, and he was certainly not an exception to that. But given how busy he had been since taking over the hospital, his own needs had become the least of his worries. Besides, it was not like he had been able to find someone who was right for him in the past. He was better off avoiding the drama that came with being in a relationship. "Yeah, I did... I think you're very cool." Hayes laughed along with them, a rather amused expression finding itself upon his features. "I'm serious, Riley. You're very cool. Based on my standards, you are." He explained with a shrug. "I know a lot of people attribute you as intelligent, which is certainly true... but that's not all you are. You are kind, and compassionate. You have a drive to be successful that I haven't seen in most people your age, and you don't let anyone get in the way of that. I guess... what I'm trying to say that there's more to you than what meets the eye. That's what makes you cool."

"No, no... it's not... it's fine. I'm not uncomfortable, just... a little taken aback, that's all." Hayes knew that it was best not to dwell on the subject, and knowing Riley, he could already tell that his reaction might have sent her into a panic. It had not been his intention, but then again, he never could have possibly predicted where this coversation had headed until it had reached this point. "Riley... that's not... what does this have anything to do with you being delusional?" He could not help but ask her, partially curious as he raised his brow. "Do you..." He had always believed that now was not the right time to do this, but what if he had been wrong? "Are you..." What if he were to take Riley's own advice, and ask them out? What was the worst thing that could happen? No, he could not do that. He could not risk jeopardizing her career, or do anything that might come off as an abuse of power. But he could at least be honest with her, right? What was the worst that could come out of that? "Well, if I shouldn't be worried, then... I guess I should be honest with you, and say that I am willing to wait, however long it takes." Why couldn't he just say it?

"Hey, it's all true. Besides, you look very cute when you blush. It's adorable." He admitted, and he had to mentally slap himself for having no trouble saying that to their face when he could not even confess that he liked them. "Now who's flattering who again?" Hayes laughed softly before he shook his head. "Daunting? Well, I can understand that. It's a lot to think about. But it's only one day a week, and you won't be doing it alone either. You'll have nursing staff, and we can hire some volunteers to help out with the administrative side of things. I can even ask if any of our doctors are willing to volunteer their time. I know that Jenny will be happy to help out, and so would I. I know I might come off as a hypocrite for saying it, but... running the clinic doesn't mean that you'll be doing everything on your own. You'll have people working under you, and honestly, I don't think I need to tell you how much fun it is to be someone's boss."

with a slight grimace at the state of the current dating pool, she can only shrug. “yeah, the bar is quite literally on the floor, but what can i say? that’s the sad reality of trying to date a lot of men these days. they don’t want you to be smarter than them, to make more money, to have your own needs. i don’t know why they even bother getting into a relationship when they know they’re never going to be satisfied… so yes, i do agree with your sister. you shouldn’t be a rarity, but you are. it’s a relief, honestly. you don’t have to sit there and listen to me whine about my feelings over an ex, yet you do. there are plenty of people out there who work for someone they can’t stand, someone who would roll their eyes at any type of complaint, and knowing that i can trust you is… i don’t know, it’s nice.” they never would’ve thought they’d be having a personal conversation with their boss — assumed that since there are so many staff, they would always be kept at a distance — but it’s already made them feel more relaxed. he may be in charge, but he clearly hasn’t let that power go to his head. “well, it certainly did that at least. i think i know better now.” she’d rather chew glass than find herself in a relationship that’s anything like her last. maybe that’s why she’s been so hesitant to enter another one these last few years; her self-esteem, while still nowhere close to where it should be, is considerably higher than it was back then. she’s no longer foolish enough to be with anybody who views her as inferior and she isn’t going to go begging for somebody to finally treat her well. “wait, you’re offering to help me study for the boards?” there’s a hint of surprise in riley’s voice that can’t be hidden. he’s already shared with her how devastatingly busy he is on a daily basis and adding another task that’s so inconsequential to his life on top of that has no real benefits for him. why on earth would he want to do that to himself?

“oh, i don’t think she would ever hate you. you’ve taken something monumental that you didn’t ask for, something that was thrust upon you, and you’re still doing all you can to turn it into something special. you’re making sure she’s not forgotten and that everything you do is done with her in your heart. how could she not be proud of you for that?” if she were in his shoes, she’s not sure she would’ve been able to handle the same type of pressure. discovering you have siblings is one thing — they aren’t their father and his actions should not reflect badly on them — but an absent parent suddenly showing up in your life to guilt you into continuing his legacy? she’s never been one for meanness or cruelty, but the urge to tell the man to go fuck himself would’ve been strong. “not exactly. in fairness, i didn’t know him, so maybe i shouldn’t be allowed to judge him so harshly, but from everything i’ve heard, both from you and a few others… let’s just say that he doesn’t seem like someone i would’ve gotten along with. i don’t know if i could’ve worked for a man like him. i probably would’ve left a long time ago.” there are a number of other hospitals out there that would be happy to take on a prospect such as riley and she would’ve taken full advantage of that fact. “i know. don’t worry, i’m not going to start dumping all of my problems onto your shoulders just because you were nice to me once — and i definitely don’t expect any more dinners, for the record.” they hadn’t even expected this one and they aren’t entirely over the shock of the invitation just yet. their day has been full of surprises around every corner, not all of them good, and they haven’t had more than a second to try and process it all.

“yeah, they’ve had it for years now. the place was refurbished just after i finished med school, so it's gotten a little fancier too.” she has many childhood memories of sitting at the counter with a milkshake for sustenance as she finished her homework for the evening. it’s a shame she doesn’t get to visit as often these days, but she does her best to drop by every now and then when she isn’t quite as busy. “oh, ouch,” they say as theatrically as possible. the teasing is deserved, but that doesn’t mean they’ll let him get away with it so easily. “i see how it is… you are so lucky there’s nothing i can throw at you right now.” although the napkins sitting atop the table are suddenly looking real tempting. “i’ve been doing it since i was small, i suppose. i’d see my mum baking all the time and like every curious child, i’d insist on trying to help so she’d let me do the easy bits at first until i was old enough to properly learn how everything worked. i wouldn’t say that makes me a professional or anything, but… i think i’m pretty good. i mostly just do it now when i’m stressed out or need a distraction.” there’s also the odd occasion where they’ll bake something for a loved one and if tonight goes well, hayes might be on the receiving end of a thank you batch of cookies soon enough. “oh, i can definitely believe that. i try my best to be a good influence on her, i swear, but she can be very convincing when she wants to be. i’m almost jealous of her liveliness.” if riley could get through the day without feeling drained right down to the bone and still have enough energy left to go out for a drink, they absolutely would, but it’s never been a part of their nature. maybe that’s why she and jenny are such good friends; they help balance each other out. 

“uh… technically, i was very vague in what i was trying to say so it was entirely open to interpretation, but… whatever you’re thinking is probably right. i’m not calling you out or anything, i’d be a bit of a hypocrite if i tried to do that. i just think that there are some pretty huge differences between having family around and having a partner that can provide you with other things.” not that he would have any trouble with finding physical affection somewhere if that’s what he chose to do, but she’s beginning to realise that maybe this isn’t the smoothest topic of conversation to be having with the man who owns her place of employment. he did say they were friends and this is something that would fit with that dynamic, but the last thing she wants is to make him feel judged in any way, so it might be time to rein it in. “i’m sorry, did you say that i’m cool?” a bemused laugh slips out next and their head shakes in disbelief. “because if so, we’ve definitely gotten our wires crossed here. that is not a word that should be used to describe me at all.” intelligent would be one thing, compassionate another, but cool? never in a million years would she think that would be an apt choice. 

for someone who always appears to be so composed and in control of the situation, watching as hayes begins to fumble is such a shock that they can only stare for a moment, brain freezing into a brief panic and replaying everything they’d just said back on a loop. they can’t immediately identify which specific part it was that made him flush and the uncertainty has her shifting in her seat, restlessness re-entering her body as if trying not to curl in on herself in embarrassment. this is exactly why she’d asked him not to hold her words against her. “i’m… i’m sorry, i shouldn't have said any of that. i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. we’ve already established that i talk too much, so you really don't have to listen to me... like ever.” at least whatever nonsense she spouted gave him enough confidence to actually consider asking out his crush for real. if one good thing had to come from this, she’s glad it was that. “i was just kidding about my mouth, by the way. i’m not delusional, i don’t actually think that you want to…” their voice trails off and they gesture vaguely towards their mouth before cringing at their own actions and quickly dropping their hands into their lap instead. yeah, definitely not cool. “good… good, i’m glad. i think you deserve it, that’s all. you shouldn’t be worried about whether or not they’ll be into you or how it might be received by them. you’ll be fine, trust me.” they try to smile, but there’s an underlying sense of nervousness to it and for a split second, she wonders if she’s just royally messed up this newfound friendship before it’s had a real chance to begin. that would be a typical riley move.

“you really need to stop flattering me, sir. i don’t want to blush again.” why he believes in them so fiercely, they’re not sure they’ll ever understand, but they aren’t going to turn it away. they know that they’re smart, but he seems to see more of them than just their intelligence, which is a lot more than they can say for most. she’d grown used to being known merely as ‘the one with the good memory’ a long time ago. it's strange to finally be experiencing something different for once. “i probably wouldn’t be able to succeed in my career at all if the hospital i worked in wasn’t run by someone who cared so much, so… thanks for that.” now their smile is more genuine and they wonder how they could’ve gone from being at one of their lowest points to joking over dinner. “i’ll admit, it makes the idea of potentially running a whole clinic a little less daunting.”

[lepidopterium]

I still feel a lot of shame in that I can’t bring myself to hold or read the Quran or to pray because of how much dread and anxiety it brings me. Funnily enough I’ve been able to approach Allah via Christian and Jewish mysticism and theology but that’s more of a periphery understanding than anything, and it’s not where I want to end off on. But every time I even think of being in Muslim spaces or even practicing in private I get so bone-deep scared. I wish my mother knew just how much she pushed me away from my faith with everything she did to me.

[kira-fluff]

Heeey!

Saeyoung, Yoosung, Jumin and Zen reacting to to “hotel only one bed” trope ? ♥️

a/n: of course you can lovely! <3 *AHEM* Lemme just say this trope is ELITE and I will NEVER not love it // also, i’m writing it like it’s before they’re dating (OF COURSE) because I want it to be spicy (actually that’s the only thing that would make sense for this prompt but you get my point whatever). ALSO also I’m basing the fancy hotel off my stay at the Ritz Carlton (it was like $25,000 a night) because my grandma couldn’t manage money N E WAYSS. Also, if y’all could let me know whether you prefer Y/N to MC pls lmk k thx 

TW: drunk old lady w/no filter, gets pretty suggestive because I couldn’t help myself, an overbearing aunt, savage Italians, and loud hotel neighbor 

Note: omfg i accidentally made this so long oh well here’s yo present lmao 

“There’s only one bed” PT.1 PT.2

- 

Saeyoung 

Getaway missions are mad cool until you can’t sleep 

When you finally neared the parking entrance to your hotel you were SO looking forward to taking a nice hot shower before shimming into the covers of your crisp, (clean, you hoped) sheets. 

It was past 3AM when Saeyoung finally drove his elegant vehicular device (because what other word is there for it) into a secured parking space 

“Because I don’t trust those shady valets, y/n.” 

“Whatever you say, Seven”, you replied groggily. 

You hauled ass up to the front desk, then to the elevator of the exquisite hotel you were staying at

not that you cared 

because S L E E P 

but Saeyoung likes to quote Jurassic Park (because of course he does) like “I spare no expense, y/n” 

“I’m too tired to laugh” 

*gASP* 

“Not everyone naturally stays up until the early morning light before going to sleep.” 

“It really should become a thing, it’s honestly very iconic of me.” (it’s not)

By the time your conversation ended you were glad to see your hotel number and a little key card slot. 

Saeyoung made a show of sticking the key card in like a spy or something 

it was funny for normal y/n but not for tired y/n 

“Here’s your room, M’lady.” 

He held the door open to your room as you looked around the room 

a large, lush bed set before a ginormous flat screen TV with complimentary expensive chocolates laid before you as well as complimentary take-home elegant towels and slippers. 

suddenly, you heard a knock on the door 

blinking in confusion, you opened to see it was Saeyoung 

“Um.. hey! What’s up?” 

Saeyoung looked a bit bewildered himself before saying, 

“Hey, so, I realized my key card was the same room number as yours and I was like ‘That’s weird!’ so I called the front desk who verified that I had placed a reservation for one room, not two, so I hacked into their system to see what went wrong and if I could change it but it looks like they’re completely booked and I think I had made the reservation before I knew that you had to come along and I’m so sorry” 

he was breathless after the mouthful he just gave you 

As it was 3AM a drunk, old woman was tripping her way to her room and shouted much louder than she should at 3AM, “Kiss her already n’ fuck, ya youngin’s!” 

Saeyoung’s hair now matched his face :) 

His ears were tipped bright red before coughing awkwardly 

“I can sleep on the ground. I’ve done it plenty of times, it’s actually pretty comfy.” 

“Um, Sev’ I’m not going to make you just sleep on the floor. If you want--” 

“You’re not making me, y/n, I want to do this” 

“Actually I think I’ll sleep on the floor, I sleep a lot better on the ground”, you fibbed. 

“You’re sleeping on that big ass bed.” 

“No you are.” 

“If you don’t listen I’ll sleep in the bath tub instead of the floor.” 

“Then I’LL sleep outside the room!” 

“LIKE HELL YOU WILL!” 

“WATCH ME” 

the phone rang, a worker politely asking you to quiet a bit down because even with your luxurious privacy walls, guests could still hear you arguing. 

Saeyoung began whisper shouting, “Guess that settles it.” 

he plopped on the ground, fake snoring with his arm as a pillow

you sighed 

“Fine, if neither of us are going to agree to this then we are both going to sleep in this bed.” 

Saeyoung blushed lightly at your boldness, a tad worried you’d find him creepy or weird

You started again, beginning to undress a little, causing Seven to yelp in panic and turn around immediately, shielding his eyes,

Now in your tank top and your leggings you’d been wearing under sweatpants and a t-shirt, you said, “I’m gonna go take a quick shower and go to bed. I’m so tired.” 

Seven turned around only when he’d heard the bathroom door shut 

he sighed, What am I going to do with this girl. 

By the time you’d come out of the bathroom, drying your wet hair, Seven was lying on the bed, clad in casual t-shirt and jeans. 

“Come on, Saeyoung, you have comfy clothes! It’s okay, change! I’m done in the bathroom now.” 

“Nah, this is fine.” This was not fine. Saeyoung was out of his area of expertise of expecting the unexpected because God you were so unpredictable. 

“Please” you jutted out your bottom lip in a little pout, being sure to make eye contact with him 

Something glowered in his eyes for a split second before he half-smiled saying, “Ah, little Y/n, you know I can’t say no to you when you go all sad on me.” 

He stepped into the bathroom to change, but let’s be honest. He was freaking the fuck out. 

he covered his flushed face, changing into his soft sweatpants and a cozy sweatshirt. he was scared 

the more comfortable he became the more likely he’d accidentally get closer to you and then you’d freak out because you’d hear the sound of his heart beat like it’s a fucking rave concert and then you’d be weirded forever and quite possibly never talk to him again

but on the outside, he stepped out of the bathroom, whipping his phone out with a huge smirk saying, “Smile” 

you threw up a peace sign with your tongue sticking out 

he laughed before sending it to the RFA chat 

707: Sleepover lolol [see attachment]

immediately both your phones blew up with buzzes of notifications from the chat 

you laughed lightly, brushing a stray hair from your face to tuck it behind your ear 

this was gonna be a long night for Seven. 

Zen: UGH get away from her!!!!!!!!!111!!1!!

Jumin: Maybe you should learn to type first. 

Zen: shut it cat freak

Zen: seven answer 

Zen: hey 

Zen: y/n, text “qwerty” if you’re in any kind of danger 

Jumin: What a strange code. 

You: qwerty :(

707: lololololol

Zen: !!!!!

Zen: ASJDHKJFASHFKJA 

Jumin: -_- 

Zen: WE NEED A CAR, NO A HELICOPTER im omw!! 

You: just kidding <3 i’m fine you guys 

707: lololol 

Jumin: Have a bit more faith in your subordinates, Zen. 

You closed the chat and muted your phone, expecting the incoming argument that was quickly to ensue. 

You patted the bed lightly, ushering Saeyoung to lie down next to you. 

He obliged, though he politely laid at the far edge of the left side of the bed. 

You yawned before shutting the light off and whispering a “good night”. 

Saeyoung glanced at the clock. 4AM. Only 15 minutes had passed. You were breathing softly in your sleep within the 10 minutes after you’d said goodnight and here he was still awake. 

You suddenly tousled in your sleep, and Saeyoung raised his head, whispering a soft, “Did I wake you up?” 

You replied with a soft moan before abruptly turning left onto his corner of the bed and grabbing for the first thing you’d felt -- his torso. 

Saeyoung’s breath hitched as he felt you exploring the new found “object”, running your fingers up and down his torso and nearing dangerous areas below 

Saeyoung whisper-shouted, “What are you doing?” 

He leaned closer to hear your reply, but your only answer was more soft little snores 

Saeyoung sighed, trying to lightly grab your wrists without waking you up, and directing toward yourself

no matter how hard he’d try, your arms kept finding his own

your nails would softly ghost over his chest or neck, causing him to shiver and blush profusely 

again, he sighed, trying his hardest not to give into your sleepy state 

until you broke him with a soft utterance, “Sae....young..” 

Saeyoung’s eyes widened to the size of saucers before he dared to look down at you, your hair curling on the bed every which-way.. your mouth slightly agap... 

he groaned, his brows furrowed and his eyes shut

at last he slunk his arms around your torso, being sure to respectfully keep them high around your waist 

he buried his face in the crook of your neck to subconsciously try to hide his ever growing blush (and erection) 

I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this ‘friend’ thing when you’re driving me this crazy, y/n.

You awoke to a sleeping Saeyoung, his toned arms enveloping your small body in a hug

shamelessly, you laid still for a few moments longer. 

Yoosung 

this bean is lonely uwu

so when he’d invited to you go with him on a trip his uncle had paid for, you felt bad saying “yes” because it’s a paid trip!! 

until he begged you because his cousin Chaewon would be there and he was always really pushy and borderline a huge fuck boi 

so you conceded 

but hey free trip for the both of you minus shitty family gatherings with no one you know, right?! 

you hope there’s at least one dog. and alcohol. 

dog + alcohol at a party = an actual fun fucking time 

you were glad Yoosung was there with you because he honestly couldn’t agree with you more 

You opened your beach-side resort room to find there’s only one bed. 

Yoosung blanched and quickly dialed his auntie, who’d made the resort reservations

“Ah...hi auntie! Um, how come there isn’t a separate room for me and y/n?” 

his aunt cackled into the phone, “Aren’t you an old fashioned little gentlemen!!! Awe~~~ you’ve grown up to be such a good boy! <3 Well don’t worry, I won’t say a word to my sister or your pops. Enjoy the time you have with your adorable girlfriend and get it on a little!! I’ve got condoms if ya need ‘em honey~~ Remember dearie, when the shlong is not covered, the child support better be.” 

Yoosung hurriedly hung up the phone, his face completely red, praying you hadn’t heard the conversation that’d just ensued. 

You did 

but you smile and say, “So.. what’d they say?” 

He cleared his throat before saying, “Well, --err.. Basically there’s been a little mishap. B-but don’t worry!! I can just ask Chaewon if I can spend the night in his room.” 

“Didn’t you say he leaves a sock on the door handle every time--”

“YES but I want you to be comfortable, okay! It’s really not a big deal.” 

You shyly smiled while looking down before softly saying, “You can sleep with me.” 

Yoosung’s eyes widened and you quickly looked up, your face flushing to a deep crimson 

“I-I-I meant in the bed!!! With me. We can lie together. In the bed---- I mean we--” 

Yoosung could practically see the steam coming out of your ears and the room felt a LOT hotter 

“S-sure! Sounds great.” he had a feeling if you didn’t agree you’d end up embarrassing yourself further.. and he didn’t want you to feel bad. And he didn’t want those thoughts circulating his mind again. 

“Alright, so I’m going to hop in the shower, y/n... unless you want to go first?”

Gulping down some complimentary water you’d found in the hotel mini fridge, you quickly replied with a shake of your head. 

Nodding, Yoosung make quick work of washing his hair and trying to give himself a pep talk before he would be sleeping next to you. 

Thankful for the big size of the resort bed, you climbed under the covers, already beginning to feel sleep take you 

When Yoosung had at last dried himself off and walked out to the bed area of the resort room, he gazed at how small you looked, hugging a soft pillow in your arms, your eyes fluttered shut 

He looked away, feeling like a creep. 

He shut off the light after making a call to the resort staff to wake him up at 8AM as directed by his uncle’s itinerary

He slid under the covers, shoving a pillow in between the two of you as a little border to separate the two of you 

it wasn’t until further in the night when Yoosung had felt a jolt and he looked up in panic, through the blackness recognizing the pillow-border had been cast onto the ground 

and even more noticeably, your leg was swung over his hip, your body flush to his own 

your arms were snaked around his neck

he felt like he could feel every inch of you

your soft breath just below his ear 

your soft .. er.. chest... against his torso 

your stomach and .. the rest of it... against his own 

Yoosung could not breathe

like someone actually help this man for he is losing oxygen by the minute 

He squeezed his eyes shut and make the executive decision to wait it out til morning 

he was terrified that if he’d move you, you’d wake up and see just how much you affect him. 

And so, when the phone rang that morning, you’d startled, looking up to see your tangled limbs lying on top of his own

“oH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY YOOSUNG UGH IT’S A HABIT OF MINE AHAHHSAHDAJSHS” 

he looked at you with eyes that had noticeable circles under them (darker than even after his LOLOL gaming) 

“you look like you didn’t sleep much.... --- Is it because of me!? Oh my god I’m so sorry you should’ve just shoved me off or something seriously I didn’t mean to do it on purpose, honest!!” 

“N-no, no it’s really not!! I promise!!” He tried his best to grin, though it probably looked like a grimace, because the next thing you said was, “I’ll make it up to you” 

“You don’t need to do that. Really, I liked it.” 

It took a moment for him to realize what he just said. 

“I-I mean I like you! I mean I liked sleeping with you!!! I mean--!!” 

Yoosung was quickly spinning circles in his mind 

you couldn’t help the little giggle that came out of your mouth, “I guess we’re pretty similar, huh?” 

Yoosung smiled lightly, “Yeah, guess so.” 

You walked out together toward the breakfast area of the resort

“Hey”, you started, “Is.. Did you mean what you said? About liking me?” 

Yoosung glanced away, taking a deep breath before saying, “Yeah, yeah I did. I really like you.” 

You couldn’t hold back the big ol’ smile that took over your face as you proudly declared, “Me too!!” 

Right when Yoosung was going to go in for a kiss, he saw his auntie suddenly right next to the both of you 

“Oh my GOD when did you get here?!” 

She smirked, “My question first, dearie, what did you two like?” 

Neither of you answered, your cheeks growing red 

“You know, the first time your uncle did it with me I felt the same way. Like, what a man! Must run in the fam--” 

“OKAY! THANK YOU FOR THAT AUNTIE BUT BREAKFAST IS CALLING MY NAME MM SMELLS GOOD SEE YOU LATER.” 

Your blush didn’t leave you as you smeared strawberry cream cheese on your toasted bagel 

This trip was going to be very VERY difficult. Thank God there was alcohol. And Yoosung. And probably dogs. And Yoosung. 

Yeah. 

Gotta love relatives. 

Jumin 

You received a call from a stern voice you didn’t recognize

<<“Hello. This is Mr. Han’s chauffeur. I’m approximately 6.3 miles away from your residence. Do not worry about clothes or other necessities. All will be provided for you.”>>

“Uh.. thanks? Where....?” 

<<“Mr. Han has invited you to join him on his stay at the Ppalgan Vineyard Estates. Have you not received the notification?”>>

You glanced at your phone, seeing two unread messages on your phone. 

You read them, feeling bad you hadn’t seen them before. 

“Yes, yes of course. Thank you. Tell him I said thank you. Are you sure it’s okay for me to attend?” 

<<“Miss Y/L/N, Mr. Han gave me specific instructions to assure you would be able to come with him. I have been ordered to give 2 minute updates following your being picked up. I can assure you, it is his utmost wish that you join him this weekend. I’d be honored to thank him on your behalf, though I feel it would mean much more to him if you said it to him rather than me.” >>

“You’re right, thank you. And thanks for driving me. And for all the other stuff you said”, you replied nervously. 

<<”There is no need to thank me, Miss. I am glad to serve Mr. Han in anyway I can.”>>

The call hung up before you could spout out more thank yous 

you phone buzzed, startling you. 

you clicked the notification

<<(XXX-XXX-XXXX HAN COMPANIES) I’ve arrived at your residence. Let me know if there is anything I can carry for you. Sent 13:52>>

You quickly texted a reply of gratitude before rushing down the stairs out of your apartment, not wanting to make Jumin’s chauffeur wait. 

“Good to see you Miss Y/L/N. Is there anything I can get you? I have been given orders to purchase anything you may want or need on our way to the airport.” 

He quickly texted something on his phone, presumably a text to Jumin about your safe arrival to his limo.

“A-airport? You mean, like, flying? Are you sure I don’t need my wallet? It’s not too late for me to go grab it, right? I have my debit card on my phone too, otherwise.” 

“Miss Y/L/N you are not to spent a single won on this vacation. All is paid for.” 

“But my clothes... I don’t want Jumin to have to pay for all new things!!” 

"I assure you, money is not something Mr. Han wishes for you to be concerned with.” 

You’d stayed silent at that, feeling bad that you’d already bothered the poor man who’d just been ordered to drive you, not reassure you of Jumin’s financial affairs. 

You grew quiet, looking out the window as trees, streets, and cars zoomed past you. 

“If you so wish, there are numerous meals options in the compartments below the seats as well as alcohol, carbonated beverages and iced water glasses. You are, of course, welcome to any of these. Please do not hesitate to notify me if there is something you’d like instead. We’d glad to make it a regular option in all of our limousines.” 

You flushed, embarrassed at the amount of power Jumin’s words, and effectively, your own seemed to have on the entire Han Conglomerate as a whole. You laughed a little, it was funny thinking to yourself that you had so much power as to decide snack options for Jumin’s cars. 

Jumin was extra like that, he always went above and beyond to make you comfortable. You loved that about him. It made you feel a little spoiled, so you instinctively rejected most offers at things that seemed to further complicate his worker’s duties. 

You had no idea that when the chauffeur had said airport he meant the Han Private Airway Transportation Zone. 

As in... private jet. 

It was hard not to feel like you were in a whole different world. 

Not that Jumin treated you that way... but it was hard not to notice! 

You bowed in thanks to the driver before hastily finding your way to the nearest man standing in another black suit, his hands folded together in front of him. 

As soon as you uttered your name, his whole demeanor changed and he instantly had gone from cool and collected to humble and overwhelmingly kind. 

He’d quickly made his way to the boarding area, escorting you to the jet before leaving you at a polite distance way from Jumin who’d been looking at you from the moment you’d entered the aircraft. 

His eyes searched your own as you’d yet to discover his presence 

He couldn’t help but rake his eyes up and down your body, admiring the way you could look just in anything. 

He at last saw you searching the spacious cabin, at last laying eyes on him. 

His heart pounded faster, as if your noticing him made his heart leap in joy

You looked relieved and smiled, running over to him and sitting down next to him 

“Hi Jumin!! Oh, should I be calling you Mr. Han? That’s what your chauffeur called you.. sorry if that’s what I should’ve been addressing you as!!” 

His deep voice rumbled in your ear, causing you to shudder, “Jumin is fine.” 

You gazed up at him through your lashes, noticing the way his perfectly tailored vest made him look so... well... for lack of better word...hot. 

“Wow. You look...” Your eyes moved from his hair, to his face, to his neck, to his torso, slowly to his groin, to his legs... before you realized what you’d been doing and quickly your eyes shot up again. 

You bit your lip, “You look nice.” 

“Nice?” 

You laughed shyly, and slightly (embarrassingly) breathless, “Yeah. Yeah you do. Nice.” 

Jumin couldn’t help the sly smile he’d been holding back before replying, “You look beautiful.” 

You flushed and looked down, squirming in your seat a little before looking at him once more, offering a small, “..thank you..” 

After a few minutes of silence, you’d decided to change the subject, chattering on about how you wondered what this mysterious vacation would hold 

Jumin couldn’t help is concentration half on every word you were saying, but also your lips. Slowly licking his own, he nodded along when you’d gotten especially enthusiastic, grinning slightly when you’d gotten so excited you’d leapt out of your luxury seat. 

Within a half hour of the trip to your destination in Italy, Jumin had trouble concentrating on much else. 

Get it together, Jumin, you’re not some fool like Zen. 

It’d gotten worse the more you’d leaned further in your seat, your chest becoming slightly exposed

he covered his mouth with a hand, opting for looking out one of the many windows of the jet. 

You’d always caught his attention and made him lose his focus -- something he’d never lost before he met you 

He blamed the strawberry sent that you’d always carried with you 

He wasn’t much for expensive, faux perfume that so many of his father’s skanks would wear... it was like no other. 

After a few hours of grueling torture on your part (though you hadn’t know every single time you’d grabbed his hand or arm it’d sent his heart on a sky dive) Jumin was glad to have arrived in the gorgeous Italian acreage of the countryside. 

It was even more beautiful at the dusk of night, you’d decided 

Immediately a shiny vehicle pulled up, ready to transport you and Jumin to the estate you were to be residing in for the weekend. 

Upon pulling into the culdesac, you almost scoffed at the word “estate” -- it was more of a country in and of itself, land stretched beyond what you could see 

The mansion itself stood on pillars and high, Gothic windows. 

Inside, flying buttresses decorated the building, giving it an elegant and aged ambiance that you just adored 

“It’s so beautiful.” 

He smiled at you then, watching you take in the wonders he’d realized he took for granted. 

He was then directed to a double-door entrance way, “Your room, Mr. Han, Miss Y/L/N.” 

“Separate, correct?” 

The man stood in surprise, looking slightly aghast, “T-they never specified such details.” 

“Contact them immediately to confirm. I’ll work it out from there.” 

“Yes, Mr. Han.” From there, the man scurried away to contact the head of the estate. 

After a few moments, he returned, “The Rossi Conglomerate had assumed that you’d brought your fiance with you.” 

“Did you mention I don’t have one?” 

“Y-yes, of course! But, Mr. Han, your father--”

Jumin sighed, “I’ll take care of it.” with a wave of his hand, the man was gone 

You thanked him on his way out. 

Jumin looked at you, searching for a reaction of displeasure or worry

When he didn’t find one, he began, “I was notified the Rossi had booked their other estates to their American investors. My being here is a formality, but it is business. It would be a great discourtesy to demand--” 

You smiled reassuringly, “Jumin, don’t worry about it.. we’ll share the bed, okay?” You held your hand in his own, rubbing soothing circles on his knuckles. 

Jumin looked at you, choking on his spit slightly. 

“Y/N you do understand that--” 

“It’s fine, Jumin!! It’s late already, I’ll just put up my hair.. and.. do you know where the night clothes would be?” 

He watched as you fixed a bobby pin between your teeth before running your fingers through your hair, watching as you arched your back to-- 

“Jumin? ...you don’t know?” 

He cleared his throat, looking away, pink dusting his cheeks

“Bathroom.” 

You thanked him, unaware of his watchful eyes 

It had been a few seconds since you’d entered the bathroom before he heard a loud and alarmed, “..UM....JUMIN...?!” 

He’d quickly made his way into the bathroom

“What’s wro--” 

He looked and laying on the long granite island of the large bathroom was a silky set of lingerie as well as a note in Italian you couldn’t read. 

Jumin’s words stopped dead on his lips as he stared at you, then the silky underwear set, you, silky underwear, you.......silky underwear. 

On the outside, Jumin liked to think he came off as calm and collected, saying, “I can get you something else to wear.” 

But when he’d made it two steps out of the bathroom he had a little collision. And by collision, I mean his face.. and the wall. 

He looked in every drawer, finding nothing. He presumed clothes would be delivered as specified. But it was late already.. their servants are dismissed, only the protective guards surrounded the inside and outside of the estate.. explaining the situation to them didn’t seem very promising. 

Of course you were kicking yourself, before you’d found their little....gift... you’d cast your days clothes into the washer. They were probably soaked by now. 

Maybe I could use a hair dryer...? Or I could stuff them in the dryer?? 

Either way you’d be without clothes for.. too long. 

And nothing would be greater punishment then showing all that in front of the man you had completely fallen for... 

You heard a knock on the bathroom door. You listened from inside. 

“Hey, I, uh, couldn’t find anything. Do you think you could wear your clothes from today?” 

You whimpered, on the verge of tears, “I already put it in the washer!” 

He knocked again, “Can I hand you something?”, he asked, undoing the buttons of his formal shirt. 

“C-close your eyes!” 

Jumin chuckled darkly before covering his eyes and handing her his collared shirt 

“I’d give you the pants, too, but I don’t think they’d really fit you. Could you look at what they’d provided for me? Maybe slip on something from mine.” 

“N-no! That’d be even worse for me!! .. and you!” You blushed again imagining him half naked

You hurriedly shuffled through the drawers, but to no avail. 

You gulped, slipping on the lingerie to ensure that maybe something would be covered before buttoning Jumin’s formal shirt on you as well. 

it was so big it didn’t leave much for the imagination 

but you decided through a 10 minute pep talk that you’d suck it up and try your best to make his shirt into a night gown. 

You at last stepped out of the bathroom, Jumin’s head shooting toward the sudden noise before taking you in 

He could scarcely breathe, much less come up with a coherent sentence 

you were in his shirt... 

with barely any clothes on underneath

and you looked up at him shyly, biting your lip a little 

drawing even more attention to your lips 

Jumin had to stifle a groan, opting to head to the bathroom to change

After splashing some cold water on his face in a poor attempt to get his head out of the gutter, he quickly got on his pjs 

after you both were ready for bed, Jumin sat on the bed, opening a small novel he’d been enjoying, Anthem.  

His attention was immediately diverted from the dystopian fiction when he saw you were stretching

His shirt rode up high as he took in the way the lingerie perfect accentuated your curves, though it didn’t cover much below the waist 

Noticing your folly, your eyes widened in shock before you immediately put your hands down

which, just your luck, made it all worse. 

the sudden movement disheveled the shirt, causing it to ride down completely on one side, openly displaying the soft brassiere beneath it 

Jumin slammed his book so hard it left an echo in the large room. 

Great. He couldn’t even make it look like his book was suddenly unbelievably interesting that he just so happened to not take notice of the obvious sight before him.

You blanched, feeling a breeze along your shoulder, gasping before running to your side of the bed and pretending you don’t exist anymore 

Meanwhile Jumin is in a  c r i s i s 

In the most eloquent of words, his mind said holy fucking motherfucking shit oh my God fuck fuck fuck AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oh my god shit shit shit fuck shit sdfasodjgiajsidogjosdg MALFUNCTION!! WARNING!!!! RUN BITCH!!! 

But Jumin didn’t run

because mama ain’t raise no bitch 

but also because if he stood up it would be blatantly obvious that he had-- 

Stop thinking about it, Jumin.

He tried to redirect his mind to his 5 senses, a grounding technique he’d learned when he got too anxious when he was younger 

But sight seemed to dominate it as his mind replayed your facial expressions, the way your hands awkwardly tried to cover yourself up, the way you looked the way he’d take it all off--- 

Oh God. I’m deep in shit. 

He had never been so pissed at himself... and embarrassed. 

He looked over at you, a horrible decision, really. 

You were still awake, your face was redder than the strawberry sent that adorned you 

“s-sorry..” you whispered, willing yourself to try to forget, “pretend that never happened..” 

Jumin was practically feral and you were saying it never happened? 

Jumin couldn’t just pretend he didn’t just see a fucking goddess 

but he would for you 

“..........pretend what never happened?” 

You sighed, a small smile on your face as you quickly turned to thank him 

but he was a LOT closer than you imagined 

he was propped up on one elbow, looking down at you, his head slightly angled. 

And suddenly your faces weren’t so far apart.

And you couldn’t help but slowly close your eyes 

Jumin felt confusion when you’d done this

he can be a bit of a pea brain, so he of course said, “I’m sure you’re very tired.” 

He shut off the light, reaching over you 

You held back the big frown you’d gotten when you realized he’d rejected you 

unbeknownst to you that it took everything in him, from the moment he’d saw you in the jet cabin, not to scoop you up in his arms and make out with you the whole way there. 

Zen 

Was Zen going to invite you to his own fucking tour? 

Of course he was 

he liked flexing his connections 

and most of all, showing you just how much he cared about you 

and loved you

but not the love part because God if you ever found out Zen might jump into the nearest body of water and never return 

not that he didn’t have any confidence

he has lots of it 

but it all kind of disintegrates when he gets to talking about his real feelings

But come on, it was blatantly obvious to anyone who had heckin eyes 

or ears 

or just any functioning body 

the way he’d try to subtly throw an arm over your shoulder 

or he’d lean in whenever you spoke 

or the way he’d readjust his posture when you walked into a room 

or the way everyone caught him staring 

like anytime you weren’t looking 

or when you are looking because he is “built different” 

So the limo ride to the fancy hotel he was to stay at was something that had him looking forward to the tour, but also dreading it 

you’d sat close to him in the limo because his agent and other workers were sitting along with him. 

So close that your ass got pushed further and further onto his lap

because damn where the fuck are we and why are there so many goddamn potholes 

Zen tried to steady you by firmly grabbing your hips 

which was NOT the move 

because now that you were firmly set on his lap, every bump felt like a fucking war against his hormones. 

Like a gentleman, he quickly opted to seat you next to him, not wanting you to feel embarrassed 

still, he could feel you being pulled closer to him with every long turn the limo made or every bump or abrupt stop 

and it was torture. 

like this man is sweating 

but by some miracle you arrive at the hotel in one piece! Yay! 

but Zen’s soul has left his body~~ 

so you get set up 

You open the room, “Look, Zen! This bed is HUGE!!”, you ran over to it and plopped your face onto the sheets

He chuckled, watching you act like a little kid excited about a hotel for the first time 

his brows furrowed when he realized there was no door separator between your rooms 

He immediately called the front desk 

all you could over hear was “No, there seems to be some kind of mistake” 

and “I reserved two rooms -- conjoined” 

“Alright, ok. Thanks.” and then he hung up. 

“So..” he sighed, “They can’t get another room because they’re completely booked. Someone must’ve recognized the limo and lots of fans immediately bought up all the rooms in hopes of seeing me.”

“It’s alright Zen! I can ask to switch with your agent or something!!” 

“NO!” Zen said a little too loudly. “No. Um, look it would be bad because he’s a man.” 

“Your a dude, too, Zen.” 

“I-- yeah, but that’s different because I’m a guy you can trust.” 

“True..”

“So I’ll sleep on the couch, ‘kay?” 

“Zen, no! You need your beauty sleep to be ready for your performance tomorrow!!!” 

“It’s alright, really!”

“I’ll sleep on the couch!” 

“Like hell you will.” 

“Please :(”

“Y/N, seriously--” 

“Then how about this! You and I just sleep in the same bed!” 

Ever the dramatic soul, Zen gasped with his palm over his heart “How SCANDALOUS!” 

“Aren’t you supposed to be Mr. Playboy?”

“Only for you, baby”, he winked. 

You stuttered, “T-that’s not funny! Seriously don’t make it weird you horn- dog!” 

He threw his head back in laughter, “Horn-dog?! I thought you said you trusted me!” 

“Not when you’re obviously thinking about doing this and that to me!!” 

“Doing this and tha---Hey! Who do you think I am?!”

There was suddenly a loud bang on the wall and a burly man shouted, “GO TO FUCKIN’ SLEEP YOU OBNOXIOUS, SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED LITTLE SHITS!”

You smirked, holding in a laugh saying, “Sounds like your fans are getting jealous.” 

Zen’s mouth dropped and you began laughing hysterically 

“T-that was like a 60 year old man!” 

“I’M 42 YOU LITTLE SHIT” 

You fell back on the bed, laughing louder 

Zen shouted back, “WELL EXCUSE ME, SEXY, 42 YEAR OLD MAN” 

There was silence before a harsh knock sounded at your door 

All Zen’s bravado disintegrated and he made a dash for the bed, whispering loudly for you to “Turn off the fuckin’ lights, turn off the fuckin’ lights!” 

You stifled more giggles rising up to your throat as you clicked off the light, making sure the room was locked, and climbed into bed

you breathed out your last laughs, sighing to yourself contentedly before noticing the close proximity you were to Zen 

You stared at each other for a long moment 

You leaned in closer 

Zen placed a palm on your cheek, gently cupping it

he softly whispered, “Can I kiss you?” 

You answered by harshly connecting your lips

The two of you feeding off each other’s oxygen as Zen bit your lip, causing you to gasp and open your mouth to make way for his tongue 

you whimpered, feeling faint from lack of oxygen

the two of you parted, out of breath 

Zen wanted to say something smooth like “I’ve always wanted to do that.” 

but instead he said “I’ve always wanted to do you.” 

He mentally smacked his head, blaming the lack of oxygen for his stupidity

But you smirked up at him coyly, replying, “Then why don’t you?” 

Um yeah rip your hotel neighbor he will literally hate both of you so much 

I had honestly SO MUCH FUN writing this!! Let me know if you want, like, a part two to this. I think I’d just be so fun lol

[nutzo0001]

"2007 positivism …" (goofy name, should be better at this, to be changed)

When youve got this urge to yell for/from full lungs "wtf happened to Old Web!", watching as people share their most vile, insane bs publicly , at times in full names, proudly, and they mean it...

All those things that were "forbidden" on interwebs, in Olden days... Full names, private photos, talking to randos, and celebrating own stupidity, when i look, it seems.

And fake-good 00s-10s critical thinking skills lessons. One ear in, other out(?)… "I find it kind of funny, a funny kind of sad", how opinions change like that, more so, without second thought. Path of least resistance innit…

Privacy gone, but you wanted that. If no one, me neither, as it is fine. «Poop alone > poop with friends»

it is surely easier to convince openness over security, than to make people responsible for mistakes from early age, or something similar…

<no names. Just unwritten basis on common sense [hello, do you copy, someone!?] (yeeeeeah, BC I forgot - C.S. was sold over to people who don't give a f + that they therefore don't clash with others much, as those types of people could instead of those who got this habit in actual…

- what the eternal dilemmatic tragedy , when cheap points are more than priceless (surplus) points on morality [or call it as you wish, if you, after all this walltext, can still follow up/me thru]>!

Lol. What else piss me off a little and should not is, how "newbies" , instead of lurking as in times of Old Web, sought to be banned at the first try as they spam and annoy the way in entrance/scene. Rude, if you ask me. Where is fear XD?! Respect. Humility??

No clue if you ever noticed that, or it is just nostalgia and anemoia speaking from me. If it is real issue, struggle - or I am just "old school" (2007/08 on). Imagine that; either ｄａ　ｗｅｉｚ　changed. Or we were like this too. No memories of me being like that tho - or it is just wishful thinking of me, looking from perspective of present day. Either way, got the feels I ever predate that.

Not the Culture, be it y2k, Eternal september, or even before that. What I am talking about is, my idea is, - my politics, ways, views, align more with 60s and 80/90s max 10s, than with situations nowadays. -

On and on, - as bad as it sounds, - what is normal for one is bigotry for another. Simplifications and generalizations surely don't help that. - Mentioning the before about critical thinking, cheap points, "children bad" morality security, so on.

(Worst thing is following The Current thing without further deeper thoughts!!)

spiritually (no Boomer) Hippie DGAF "old soul"

I must've made dozens of "good-faith" fallacies by now XD. Hopes you got me!

We need name for

term that is something like guilty-pleasure, but it is *this* feeling when you feel good, disgusted, question how society and economy still works; and how dissecting everything into some kind of morale render us incapable to do anything that is not (in) any sense "bad"...

if you get this; what i wanted to say