#it just feels like something’s missing nost of the time

[salstini]

i love my bf, but more and more I think we’re just really not compatible so… I think I might break up soon. I’m hesitating though I dunno… But I’m definitely considering it

[shikamarubae]

War of the heart pt3

Pairing:  Kakashi x reader, Itachi x reader

Summary: In Konoha they have already realized your kidnapping and they need a plan.

Warnings: Some swearing, some angst

A/N:  English isn´t my first languge, please keep that in mind, i hope you like it.(i appreciate comments and criticism).

The parts in italics are memories/dreams with memories.

Tags: @flowersgirl02​ , @affection-rabbit​ ,  @dumb-dork​

Part 1  Part 2 Part 4

Kakashi was angry, mainly at himself, you had not returned to Konoha and when his dogs tried to track you down they failed, the grove where he had last seen you was empty, your blood dried on the ground but the dogs found no trace, it was as if you vanished. The man was grateful that Naruto was traveling with Jiraiya, because otherwise he would be creating a scandal that would make him feel worse, because he saw how you looked at him when you fell to the ground, sad and disappointed, would you have left of your own free will?

-Let's go back-Genma was still determined to find a trace but they had to return to officially report their disappearance and decide what to do and it was raining, looking for more didn't make sense, the remaining trail would be about to be erased. The gray-haired man closed his eyes for a few seconds, feeling the rain, you liked it, you had told him many times, you liked the smell that storms brought and the one they left after.

"I can't believe you left her alone," the long-haired man murmured, Kakashi didn't say anything because he was right, he also couldn't believe that his irrational anger with her had caused all that -What were you thinking Kakashi?

Again there was no response from the gray-haired man and Gemma kept pressing -You know, (YN) said something to me a few weeks ago, that you didn't want to be serious with her and that's why you had discussed. Did you let that interfere up to this point ?

-Of course it´s like her to tell the world that kind of things - he replied tiredly, avoiding the rest of the question.

-It´s not something that only she does, we are friends and after finding her crying i forced her to tell me, I don't know how your relationship worked but it was destroying her.

Kakashi didn´t answer, the silence seemed to be his best answer and thus he kept it all the way back to Konoha, he had never wanted the type of relationship he had with the you to be discussed by the village, because he was not even sure what kind of relationship did he wanted , but of course with you things never worked as one wanted and that was one of the reasons why Kakashi despite loving you in some way, he couldn´t bear with you on certain occasions.

"If (YN) was her sweet-self all the time, i wouldn´t have those doubts"  that´s where Kakashi´s mind arrived, because after all, it was that side of you that had made him surrender to you.

You were going up and down in the small apartment, you were remarkably busy, so Kakashi decided to stay at the window watching what you were doing until you noticed or you were done.

-Kakashi-senpai, what are you doing there?

-Naruto forgot her things-he said entering the apartment-and you don't have to call me Senpai, we are no longer in ANBU.

You smiled at the comment and nodded.

-Of course he forgot, I think he hardly slept because of how excited he is -you said smiling as you finished packing food in various boxes.

-Do you think he will pass?- He asked, leaning on the kitchen counter, arms folded. You nodded again.

-If you have recommended them for the exam is because they, I trust your criteria.

-Do not trust my criteria, trust their abilities.

-Isn't that what your criteria is based on?-You asked finally finishing packing everything and giving it to him.

-What is this?- He asked confused.

-It is four food rations, three for the boys and one for you, I know that these exams are not easy for them or for you.

For some reason you had blushed while giving him the food and it was difficult for you to look at him in the eyes, with effort you raised your eyes and found his visible eye in the shape of a crescent moon, his free hand rested on your head -So sweet (YN)...

The comment made you blush even more and you looked at the floor, his hand still on your head, stroking your hair, you smiled nervously and pointed to one of the doors-Naruto's things are in his room.

Kakashi rubbed his face, why had he remembered that while waiting for Tsunade to receive them? His head kept spinning, "had i really treated (YN) so bad?"

-Kakashi have you heard?

-No, this ..... I was thinking-he apologized while Iruka continued talking, not only was Gemma angry with him, Iruka was also, although he didn't say it. If Naruto was like his son, (YN) was like his sister.

-ANBU returning from a mission found this-pointed the Hokage towards the table, on it a bloody sword and next to it a piece of cloth- the problem is that it was very far from the area where (YN) was supposed to be and there are other scents.

-Then ... she did not leave on her own-Iruka concluded what everyone thought-Are you going to create a search party?

The Hokage nodded-I'll send team 8.

-Not me?

-I'm sorry, Kakashi, but it's the best team to track a missing person.

-Add me to the team -he protested leaning on the table- it's my responsibility, I'm the one who left her there.

-Kakashi is right-said Iruka. Kurenai can't handle it, she has to deal with ...

-All right, you will leave tomorrow, in the found objects there is still a trace of the other people so I will find her , don't worry.

The man went straight to his apartment, he didn't want to meet anybody else, he didn't want any more questions or comments about what happened, he thought of going to the hospital to see how Yona was, but he didn't feel like it either. When he opened the door to the apartment, the darkness and the emptiness hit him, since Naruto was not in Konoha, the normal thing was that you would have stayed with him and when he opened the door you would turn on all the lights quickly to go to the kitchen, open the fridge and scold him for having it empty or if you had not arrived together, you would already be there, perched on the sofa, eating something and reading a book and then you would tell him the whole story several times and repeat yourself more than necessary because you always lost yourself in your own narration.

Kakashi didn't understand why he was starting to miss it at that moment, when he had had plenty of time to do it, it had been weeks or maybe even two months since your last discussion, which ended it all.

Maybe it was because he kept seeing you around the village and  knew you were safe, that he had not thought about the solitude of the apartment, because despite the endless discussions you had always come back and deep down, maybe he assumed that this time was the same.

Kakashi was disappointed, you knew, he always looked at you like that when something similar happened, his expression of boredom replaced by disgust and disappointment, not wanting to speak to you, but you continued.

-I don't want to see you near me again, you understand?- You almost shouted at the boy in the face, he looked at you trembling and nodded nervously before turning and leaving quickly, people around you looked and murmured by the scene they just witnessed  "WHAT?" You said loud, looking around and everyone continued with their things.

When the boy was out of your sight, Kakashi wasn't there either, you found him a few minutes later in his apartment.

-I thought we were going to eat together.

His usual bored expression back, you stood leaning against the door, his body language told you he didn't want you to come in, you clenched your fists ready to get mad at him, but he spoke first.

-Don't throw a tantrum on me (YN) I don't have time for that.

-You have nothing to do for two days or at least you said that three hours ago.

-I changed my mind-with the book in his hand he started to close the door but you stopped him with your foot, opening it and going inside, to the clear chagrin of the man who was pinching the bridge of his nose clearly reluctantly.

-Is this change in attitude because I rejected that guy a while ago?

-Aren't you able to see what you've done wrong?

-I'm not a kid, don't talk to me like you're educating me, besides, shouldn't you be jealous or something like that?

Kakashi's expression was unreadable at the time, he simply denied as if giving up and dropped onto the sofa reading his book-You can come back when you realize, until then, goodbye, close the door well when you leave.

Fed up with his attitude you threw your bag at his face, making him put the book aside -What's your fucking problem? -You yelled exasperated by the situation, all you wanted was a quiet date on your day off and in the end you finished like that.

-My problem is this, you can't be cruel to someone just because they ask for a date and then come and yell and throw things at me -he said getting up and filling the door to open it, standing aside, as a gesture for you to leave.

-It's the fifth time this week that this guy is chasing me to "ask me on a date", sometimes it´s necessary to be cruel with assholes who don't understand no, so fuck off Kakashi, I have every right to shout and get mad-you walked even the door facing him-you are the one who is being irrational and I don't understand it -you went out on the landing and he closed the door without saying anything else- sometimes I don't understand you-you murmured before leaving, confused, angry and sad.

That had been one of the infinite discussions you had, but you always fixed it, except for the last one, despite that Kakashi kept finding your things around his apartment, books, some glasses for the tea that you had brought, a kettle, the toothbrush , spare clothes...everything was as if at any moment you were going to walk through the door and hug him or complain about something and again Kakashi, while taking one of your books, wondered why he had taken so long to miss you and feel that nostalgia.

He took the bookmark inside, it was a craft that Naruto had given you many years ago, it was shrill as the boy but adorned with daisies, he removed it from the book and put it in his jacket - I'm going to find you.

[hikingofthenoldor]

Playing a 13 year old video game is pretty much guaranteed a wild ride. And the first The Witcher game is absolutely no exception. The graphics did not age all too well and the control and camera settings are a mess. After playing the prologue, I feel like I got the hang of it but it's not great.

I'm intrigued by the story thus far. I know that it takes place after the books ended, but since I have not yet finished reading the series I am a little lost. Like... The fuck's up with Triss? (don't tell me, I'll figure that out soon enough.)

About the character designs - and I explicitly do not conplain the low quality graphics, the game is old and my expectations where low - but oh boi. All those manly, veiny forearms. And Geralt's chest hair! Which actually looks surprisingly nice. I like his slightly longer hair, too. But I miss the silly leather head band he loves so much in the books. The girls... Urgh. No. They must freeze all the time. So much nakef skin. Such short skirts. And revealing necklines... Like... Where are the nipples?! Seriously, where?

I love that there is a kind of pokedex to keep track of all the NPCs (I'm so glad that I know nost of them already). Apperently "seems to like Geralt (a lot)" is code for "they totally fucked at some point, but he forgot". I'm pretty sure over the course of the story he'll overcome his amnesia and remember. It's just so funny.

What else? I find it hilarious how the cut scenes deal with depictions of sex and gore. It's very obvious that it's happening but the camera strategically shows something else whenever it gets too explicit. The sword falling over and the bed moving? I laughed so hard.

Overall, I am enjoying the game. The graphics and overall feel make me very nostalgic even though it's my first time playing it. It looks and feels like my early teens. Which yeah... Makes sense chronologically.

Does this post have a point? No. I just wanted to talk about silly old Geralt for a sec. Thanks for listening.

[colonel-killa-bee]

Just saw your post about how you don't understand why people like Balgruuf and Brynjolf so much. Teldryn Sero I have no experience with. With Balgruuf, I felt like he was a close friend, even if he didn't express it to me. I was told to join Imperials by my friends who have played Slyrim years before I did and when I saw Balgruuf armored up, I felt an even stronger battle bond with him and Irileth. Brynjolf was just super friendly to me and I liked him the nost out all of the TG members.

I won’t trash you or others for how y’all feel about a character, clearly I’m missing something since so many people feel as you do, so don’t think I think y’all are wrong or anything like that.

Maybe it’s just a difference in how we see people. For me, I did like him at first, when he talked about Whiterun and how much he cared for it, and my first time in Skyrim when he gave me Lydia I was excited. 

I lost some of that excitement when I learned more about Ulfric tho. And how they have a grudge, or rather Balrguuf does since childhood. I got mad even when I heard him constantly bad mouthing Ulfric, but Ulfric only had good things to say about Balgruuf. That compounded when Galmar was begging Ulfric to take Whiterun already but Ulfric wanted to wait for Balgruuf to change his mind. 

Then even Tullius got frustrated since Balgruuf was effectively dragging on the war and increasing the pain for both warring parties by not taking a side, officially, yet every player who spoke to Balgruuf knew he’d never side with Ulfric.

I guess I just lost respect for him, and for me, a leader can be a likeable human being, but not have my respect, and respect for me is far more important.

That’s why I have a hard time seeing that bond people talk about. I was actually caught off guard when he was like “and YOU!! A stormcloak?? I thought better of you”.

Like, all I did was save whiterun from a dragon, as I did many holds, and for that honor, Balgruuf ALLOWS me to buy a house, lol and calls me his thane. Maybe if Bethesda did more with it, but to me it was just too short a relationship to call it a relationship. Perhaps that’s Bethesda’s fault for the game being so.... shallow. But either way, Skyrim’s future as a whole to me was far too important to be put on hold for Balgruuf. So I cast him aside and didn’t look back.

[bobbyseyesmile]

What Am I To You? PART 14

Love. Hate. Selfless. Selfish. Friendship. Rivalry.

GENRE: Angst, Smut, Love Triangle

“Where is Y/N?” 

Changkyun bit his lip and struggled with himself if he should tell the truth or just leave it. He could have stayed quiet- it wouldn’t hurt Jooheon, or he could tell him that she’s with Wohno and then waiting for a disaster. The second one though didn’t sounded that tempting, so he just shut his eyes again and remained quiet on the sofa. 

“Hey Chan...” Jooheon notched his knee and tried to “wake” the younger one. “Are you awake?” 

“No” he mumbled back and heard his best friend snort. 

“Where’s Y/N?”

“Why should I know? Am I her chaperone?” 

“No dumbass, but I saw her talking to you and thought maybe she told you where she wanted to go.” 

“Well, she missed some classes.” It was a bad excuse, but better than mentioning Wonho’s name. 

“True...” Jooheon scratched the back of his head “...and where’s Wonho?”

Changkyun’s eyes flew open and he looked skeptically at the older in front of him. 

“Why you wanna know?” 

“Because he’s not here today and I thought about, you know, maybe I should talk to him or something like that.“

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, smartass. Maybe you should just leave him alone and concentrate on your hearing first. That’s the next big thing, buddy, and you have to be very well-prepared for the judge and the jury.” 

“Yeah...” Jooheon nodded and pursed his lips. “I guess you’re right.” 

“Of course.” the younger one winked and then closed his eyes again. 

But somehow Jooheon couldn’t get rid of the feeling that his best friend hid something from him... so he just talked to the others for a while and kept an eye on Chankyun. You know, just to be sure.

The youngest also watched Jooheon, pretty sure that he planned something or at least tried to. Maybe Chan should talk to Y/N or Wonho.

A few hours passed by and finally Chan fell asleep and Jooheon could leave as quiet as Y/N did. He needed to find her and ask her a really special and important question. Maybe the most important one he would ever ask again.

~

The term "I couldn't breathe" whenever something dramatic happened,  sounded always a bit exaggerated in your head. Like, why stop breathing all of sudden? But right now it fitted perfectly. You were pretty sure that, if someone asked for your name, you could only answer something in Gibberish.

You did understood the question you just heard minutes ago, but your brain pushed all the alarm buttons and proceeded the shutdown. 

“Y/N?” Wonho lifted his left eyebrow “are you okay?”

“Uuuuhm... yeah.” No. “I am okay.” No I’m not.

“Alright... and you did understand the question?”

“Yes.” What the fuck did you ask?! “I understood it. Thanks.” 

Thanks? Wow, great move Y/N...

Now he looked even more concerned than before. Maybe he thought that you’re completely crazy now and would call an ambulance for your hospitalization.

Actually that wasn’t such a bad idea.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“Please look at me and tell me honestly if you’re okay because right now you look like you would faint any second.”

“Well...” you started and slowly found your voice again. “I’m surprised- no, I am completely thrown off guard right now and... and also a bit angry.”

“Angry?” he asked and crossed his arms.

“Yes. This is the worst time you could ask me this question! I mean, what did you think? That I’m screaming “Yes Senpai, take me!”?!”

He smirked. “Well, I didn’t expect you to call me some japanese expressions...”

“Seriously Wonho! Did you really think I would accept?”

“No.” he sighed and looked down on the floor. “Not really. But the question is hanging around in my head for some time now, so I thought, why not.”

“Wow.” you scoffed. “I can’t say yes, and you know it. And before you ask, no it’s not entirely because of Jooheon, there are many facts and reasons. But I need time for me alone. Right now I’m just confused whenever I’m with you two, I can’t think straight or focus. Jooheon’s hearing is in a week, I have to catch up some classes... Just...” your head started to hurt, you could feel a massive migraine on the way.

“I got it.” he nodded. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you as much time as you need. Just call me if you need something.”

“Yes, thank you.” It was like your feet started to move on their own and soon you were walking over the campus, quietly crying and asking yourself if you just made a huge mistake.

[noste: pretty short chapter, i know i know. but i promise that i‘m already working on the other ones so pls forgive me and my lazy ass. also i missed writing a lot]

[trans-arisen]

All i want is affection but i feel so forgotten and like i dont mtter.. i feel like im not cared for or like i dint matter a lot of times and like im not the nost important thing to you yoi are the only thing i think avout on some days and i feel like there is something going on that prevents you feom telling me how you feel and, it's ben so long since we have truly talked and you arent saying anything i just.. i dont know i just dont feel cared for... if there are things going on inyour life that is okay i just.. i need to know.. all i think about is you sometimes and i just miss you so much and, im sorey i just miss you so much and i know you are busyvand the place you are at makes you busy all the time i just feel so disconnected and like we don't know each-other anymore.. all i thought about last night was you and yet i feel like i didnt even cross your mind at all....

[dye-ann]

So, I've just rewatched ep 16 to 18 of The Return in a row, and:

Lord I'm a wreckage

Right now it really feels like episode 17 could have made a good ending, and episode 18 is more like a something that open a door for a new season that I know won't happen.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Lynch thought parallel worlds were created when we used the Bomb for the first time and that Judy is an entity whose role is to monitor them all to make sure that No Weird Shennanigan happen between dimensions.

I'm a real mess. This show has a concrete effect on my body that I'm unable to explain.

I feel different about that "love" scene now but I'm not sure why.

This season is still the nost beautiful thing I've ever seen on a screen, and I'm dead serious here.

I want to write to David Lynch so bad.

I'm pretty sure they could get out of that loop by putting their fingers into an electric socket.

It feels like Cooper dragged Laura out of her endless movie reel (the 8) and somehow ended up in Our Reality, year 2017.

Did I mention that I was a mess? Boy.

Time stops when Cooper looks at Diane, whose face is missing, and then his own face gets imprinted on the screen. I'm just.

[haectemporasunt]

 wiratomkinder Shall do!

You have any good dreams lately? haectemporasunt hmm well the desperate gray clown monster this morning 

was i telling you about the curse one?

i d have mentioned a play  wiratomkinder That wasnt a dream that was an omen  wiratomkinder And no u did not! haectemporasunt heheh  haectemporasunt well! at this stage i m not sure i ll remember quite as much but 

speaking of stephen king and joe hill and my crush on the girl from the ring

one of the things i ve always been into is the idea of kids banding together to defeat a supernatural evil and then later, (usually as teens), they have to go back and deal with it once and for all  wiratomkinder Ooooooo haectemporasunt yeah it sounds cool but is kind of embarrassing bc you Know i m self inserting myself as one of those kids 

snort ok anyway, this

dream followed that same sort of typical line haectemporasunt there was a play being performed at school and i had some bad presentiment about it, there was something i couldnt remember and i didnt want it performed, but since i cldnt articulate my fears couldnt convince the school to stop the play, nor cld i convince my younger brother not to star in it   wiratomkinder Aughh that sounds stress inducing haectemporasunt so i m fiddling w my car and it s raining heavily and i m outside the auditorium, and the radio starts emitting static, and i stop fiddling w the light.... and i can distantly hear one of the play's (it was a musical i guess?) songs starting 

and i Remembered haectemporasunt In my dream i just clenched up bc i remembered Her the Bad Thing and i remebered --and the memories were dizzying and made me feel ill, like waves of sickness that hit you inescapably and you know youre gonna vomit but there s no bathroom near   wiratomkinder Hooooogh thats strong haectemporasunt when i was in school and my friends and i put on a play, and --i couldnt remember it all, but i rmemebered my friends and i in red coats [apparently doing the play but not in the auditorium, somewhere underground and filled with tree roots], standing around a big hole in stony ground, and stairs leading down , curving around the side into darkness, and i remember holding sheets of musical notes and old books, and i remember us saying things, and something going wrong 

and whatever our goal was w our play, we must have gotten it, but we also got Her haectemporasunt you wld think she d have crawled up out of the dark but now 

no*

i dont remember how she appeared but it wasnt from below, she was a symptom, not the source  wiratomkinder Hooooly shit haectemporasunt and all of this is flashing in my head like how in my head i imagine epilepsy is like, and i m still in my car clutching at the air and whimpering but i m overcome with fear bc i m remembering and it s terrifying bc it means something happened to make me forget 

and that s when i realize, firstly, that my friends, the others that performed the play with me in the underground room, most of them were no longer around and i didnt remember why or how but no one else remembered them either, there was just me and one other friend, and we didnt talk anymore,

and secondlly, i realized that it was almost pitch dark in my car even tho it was light outside the window, and the darkness was centered behind me  wiratomkinder Jeeeeeeeeez haectemporasunt and you know that slow turn that ppl do in horror movies? and they see the Thing grinning at them? and then they die? 

this is the cool part of my dream--or it was cool for me anyway bc , again, i m a sucker for these tropes

bc i imagined that happening, and i could feel Her behind me and i cld hear her teeth

but ... i had dealt with this before even tho i cldnt remember the details, and i knew looking behind me wld be Death

worse than death haectemporasunt bc death ends   wiratomkinder hyoley shit haectemporasunt but i d dealt with her so i knew first , she would talk to me. because of our intense history [fuck you max and your fetish for killer undead women], she wld want to play w me a little, so i had an opening where she wldnt kill me outright   wiratomkinder GGHFGHFFHH haectemporasunt so i was pretending i was still remembering , and i was slowly moving my hand towards the door handle  haectemporasunt and i felt her hair brush against my ear and she whispered "i missed you, max. you have to look at me now" 

and i grabbed the door handle and slammed against the car door to get out...but it was locked.  wiratomkinder YEEEESH haectemporasunt so, 

i have enough time to think, Shit haectemporasunt and then her arms are around my neck and she is twisting me so i will look at her back behind me in the back seat 

her hands make me ache

(btw wtf was happening to me that i was feeling this? i can only think it was the tinge of a body part going numb, or i was sleeping on my neck wrong)

but in my hands i now had the , whatchamacallit, the program for jake's play,

and i kept getting flashes of what i wld look like from the outside as i died, but i Knew now that bc the program had words from the play on it, i cld use that paper as a barrier , albeit small , against her

but i had to look at her to hold the paper up against her  wiratomkinder hyooooof like fighting a medusa riding a basilisk haectemporasunt hehehe 

so i turn around and i m trying to look only at the paper as i shove it hard against her bedraggled ripped up chest as she s scratching at me, but in the corner of my eye i can see her face and it is.... nightmarish

ha, literally  wiratomkinder OH NOO haectemporasunt she is grinnig impossibly wide--and her head is so big, it s bigger than her body or that's how it feels--like, it s normal sized, but ,,,,, it feels really close up against you even when she s separated from you by a chair...it s hard to describe but you can feel something is immense and monstrous inside and 'beyond' her 

she s bigger than this corpse she s using  wiratomkinder Yess like a weird perception thing

Your field of vision zooms tf in haectemporasunt i m nost sure how to describe her face in a way that actuall y evokes the terror 

especially when, ha, you cld summarize her homicidal glee as 'Dead and Loving It'

but her face was smashed

like porcelain  wiratomkinder Yee gotcha gotcha  wiratomkinder Oof haectemporasunt black cracks, red meat, and her eyes were really horrible and big, and her mouth was too wide, inhumanly wide, and cracked too  haectemporasunt and she was very happy and furious to see me 

we apparently had unfinished business that involved me being brutally broken

and then worst than killed

ha sorry i m taking too long  wiratomkinder No ur good!

I wanna know whats up with ms. Corpse bride over here haectemporasunt i pushed the paper aginst her and she was trying to throttle me and she was laughing in this quiet whispery way that was...super creepy bc it was like immense passion whistling out of cracks  haectemporasunt and w my free hand i m scrabbling at the door lock, and finally it comes freen but now the paper is basically being sandwiched btw me and Her, we re pressed against each other and that sbad bc she s making me hallucinate that i m already dead and broken , like, i can see that my neck got broken when the car's tires somehow rolled over my neck  haectemporasunt (i guess that was a power of hers, remembering deaths and then they become real?) 

but the door gets free and i tumble backwards out of the car and slam it shut!!!!!  wiratomkinder FREEDOM!!!! haectemporasunt yeah!!!  haectemporasunt god it felt so good, id outwitted ( """"outwitted"""") her once again, and she cldnt leave the car for some reason--in waking hours i think, maybe bc it was still daylight even tho rain? or bc it was open sky? but in the dream i just Knew she cldnt follow me . i was safe until i went back indoors 

which i wld have to do in order to enter the auditorium and stop the play haectemporasunt but i was remembering this wasnt the first time i d outwitted her! i cld remember dank school corridors and a blue tiled pool and other situations where i d managed to evade her,e ven as she crawled into other people and burst them apart from the inside 

knowledge...with knowledge you cld survive against her, but there was something you needed to forget too, and i was starting to remember that too haectemporasunt in fact i cld remember the last time, the time the third to last of our friend group died, and friend (the one i didnt speak to anymore) and i had agreed that we needed to forget   wiratomkinder Hyoooooooogh  wiratomkinder Tactical amnesia haectemporasunt it was camping, we were desperate and trying to escape the play's consequences (which went beyond Her bc she was a mere symptom rmemeber) , we d made a sacrifice, done a ritual, and we were trying to isolate ourselves, and i remember watching my friend die in that campsite, i cant remember what happened now, i think their tent collapsed, and then something was in the collapsed tent with them, and we cld just see their squirming body and hear this ... sink disposal unit sound 

and i nearly died in my tent with Her on top of me, squeezing my throat and slamming me rhythmically with one of the tomes we d used in the play ritual, just smashing me in the face and her horrible smile

and the remaining friend had intervened, and she dug her fingernail under my eye and then she was gone

and that was when we decided we had to forget  wiratomkinder Holy shit haectemporasunt sadly that was getting near the end 

i remember the auditorium being very red and i remember my brother and his friends looking up as i approached

i remember the terrible importance of what i d chosen to forget

and i dont know what She was except she was partly a Force ie a force of (super)nature and that she d also once been a girl with feelings and perhaps love in her heart haectemporasunt but sadly i cant really remember anything else 

just me and my papers trying to convince others not to commit the same mistakes i did i guess?  wiratomkinder Holy shit

Thats really somethin!!! haectemporasunt i m kinda sad bc if i were to copy paste this for tumblr to enjoy someone s gonna be like Lol gravity falls forgetting plot 

or something  wiratomkinder Awww naw i dunno haectemporasunt but i really liked it! and not just bc i felt important and knowledgable   wiratomkinder Dreams is dreams they happen as they happen

And hell yeah! That was an adventure!

[keyknows]

i decided to rewatch yuri on ice bc now that the fandom isnt screaming at ny ear every new episode i thought i would enjoy it more. I totally did.

however theres something about the whole thing a bugs me a lot, and thw worst part is that idek what it is. Its like the story is lacking sonething and i dont seem to find what it is

i looked for some fanfiction, nost of them are about ships amd honestly idc much about them, so i looked for gen fic to sre what i found, and i stumbled upon some good ones but still, they didnt have whatever i was looking for

and that bothers me a lot, bc usually in fanfiction you can find whatever the original content couldnt give you, usually the other fans see it too anf work to fill the gaps and i wonder why it isnt thw case here, when clearly there are gaps in the show

i can talk about the pacing of the anime, about how fusing on certain things couldve improve the experience but i still dont think the problems lies there. I wonder if its rhe characters and how little time we have for them, but even with thw protagonist i feel like there are things untold that wouldve improve the show

it bothers me too bc if i knew what is this that is missing i coulf write about it, but idk amf i wonder if the anime is just fundamentally lacking, but i kina doubt that bc if it were i dont think i would trap me like it does, that i would even be thinking this

Idk

ill write a fic mayhap, one day, but i think it will be lacking too