#it just ends up being inconsiderate and hurtful to everyone including yourself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fandom-monium · 4 years ago

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I JUST READ KITCHEN CATASTROPHES OMG ITS SOOO CUTE UGH MY HEART SO SOFT CAN YOU PLSSS DO A PART 2? THANK YOU KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO

AN: thank you, anon! i dont plan to make a sequel to KC. But if i did:

For Valentine’s Day

Summary: In which you throw a wrench in Spencer’s plans: you don’t like Valentine’s Day. “If it’s with you, I guess it’s not so bad.”

WC: 2.9k (whoops)

Tags/Warnings: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader, fluff, cussing, semi anti-valentines day, Spencer tears up but dont worry were there to fix that, established relationships (blegh), Garvez if you squint, post-For the Holidays

Fuck cooking, Spencer thinks one day.

It's an irrational thought. The kind that strikes through his mind in a flash of irritation like a scrape of the knee as he is perusing the internet. Yes, he is using a computer willingly. He has to because he's desperate.

Cooking is stupid. Who really needs it, right?

…

He needs it. God, he needs it so bad.

His need to learn cooking wasn't as incessant until recently. Until you came along.

Spencer is a meticulous person and a romantic if you'd ever met one. Makes sense considering how he grew up, reading the classics and all that. He's read all the gooey literary shit old people write and while he never understood those meanings it all dawned on him one day. Quotes written like 'the stars in their eyes' and 'sunshine glowing off them like a halo', suddenly makes sense once he meets you. Or at least, after coming to know you, months into your newfound friendship.

It's because of this he plans accordingly the weeks leading up to Valentine's day! Because again he's meticulous and a romantic and a genius so he plans every step and makes a back up plan in case A, B, and C fall through.

Is he going overboard?

… Nah. No way. Not when it comes to you.

But fuck with a capital F, man.

It's your third date. Or what is supposed to be your third date if you would just stop being you for a second.

Then again, he loves you a lot and he wouldn't love you if you weren't, well, you.

Although��pardon his french—what the fuck.

Spencer knows he needs to learn to cook. You've tried plenty of times to teach him and he loves learning and he especially loves it when you are the teacher (wait, does he have a teacher/student fantasy? Maybe. That’s something he'll look into later. Preferably with you).

Unfortunately, he's terrible at it.

He's made progress and he knows it's true because you said so but the miniscule progress he's made is. Not. Enough. And it's all your fault! Because he gets so distracted by you during your lessons, like when you put your hands over his to show him proper slicing techniques—holy fuck, he wanted to combust right there—or just watching your deft hands at work, lips and brow scrunched in concentration in that adorable way. And you smell like cooking oil or whatever you're making and you're hot.

He's so into you it physically hurts. Ugh. How is he so lucky?

You're also the first person he's been this into since Maeve. And everyone knows how well that turned out.

So he tries to dial it down for Valentine’s Day. Morgan told him once he tends to throw himself into everything he does, including love. And when you two got together, he promised the universe he will not fuck this up. He ends up combining Morgan’s advice with Luke’s, trying to be casual like Luke says because apparently you're just as into him as he is of you.

The thought makes him grin uncontrollably. Luke says it makes him look like a clown but a lovesick clown. A lovefool, Luke hehs.

Spencer doesn’t get the joke, but it does nothing to deter him.

As Luke advised, Spencer does “not” make a dozen back up plans and does “not" plan weeks in advance. Because that wouldn't be casual, would it?

But now the day’s come and as Valentine’s Day turns to Valentine’s Night, Spencer wants to pull his hair, rub his frustratedly stinging eyes but he can't because he's in the middle of work, in the middle of the bullpen, in the middle of his desk and he refuses to be that guy. Not again.

Why does he feel like sobbing? Like a loser?

Because you don't like Valentine’s Day. No, you abhor it.

It happens in the middle of the work day. It's like he tried to open a door only for a bucket of ice water to be dumped on him and now he looks like a drowned rat. He definitely feels like one.

You're talking with Garcia about her Valentine’s Day plans as you multitask, switching between putting together packets and stacking them aside. Then taking them under the hole-puncher and stapling them together because the BAU isn't all kicking down doors and catching freaks.

It makes sense that you’re chatting with Garcia during your break. The two of you have become two peas in a pod after you came out of your shell. Now you're inseparable. Only you make Garcia leave her batcave as much as she does now.

Out of sight, he catches tidbits of your conversation when he hears distinctively: Fuck Valentine’s Day.

Okay, you didn't say that verbatim but you might as well have, grimacing as you three hole-punch a packet and his heart. Then a nail on his coffin only it’s with a stapler.

Thump. Chick.

Spencer winces; there goes your his Valentine’s Day plans.

It shouldn't sting as much as it does. You've been dating for over a month and Valentine’s Day is definitely not his favorite holiday either. It's not even top 3. And as you rant he can’t help but silently nod in agreement, all the facts straight: yes, it's an eyesore. Yes, it's a capitalistic holiday. Yes, people should do nice things for their significant others no matter the time and not because it's expected on a specific day. Yes, it doesn't compare to Halloween—

The thing is, you two aren't that “couple-y”, at least in a traditional sense. Not like Will and JJ who got a babysitter so they could go out or like Luke and Garcia as they plan to go to a special Valentine’s Day event she wants to check out (she vehemently denies anything going on between them but he doesn't need to be a genius to see the affection they have for one another. Just kiss already, damn).

So yeah, Spencer hoped to spend the romantic holiday with you. For once, he'd have Valentine’s Day plans, aside from exchanging cards with the team and his mother.

But apparently you hate Valentine’s Day! So there goes plan A, B, C, and D!

Spencer feels the tears spring at the corner of his eyes. He sniffs as subtly as he can, raising an open case file to his face. Of all the plans he hadn't thought through this was not one of them. IQ 187, his ass.

He should've known. Or at least ask your thoughts on Valentine’s Day. That was inconsiderate on his part. He blinks back tears, withdrawing into himself despite his hurt because he is a lovefool and only for you. He just wants to impress you, make you happy even if that means canceling your first Valentine’s Day together.

Now if you'll excuse him, he has to call off a few reservations and make some returns. Several actually.

Can you return a dozen donuts in the shape of hearts?

… Yeah, he better ask Emily for the rest of the day off.

—

"Hey Newb, have you seen Spencer? I haven't seen him since his break," You ask, resting your chin in your hand as you squint at another form. Your eyes are beginning to tire.

Spencer asked you several times over the course of the last week, checking to see if you were free today. You are, so you planned to hang with him after work, but he hasn't returned from his break and he wasn't answering your calls or texts. Not unusual but still odd for your boyfriend (you still can’t believe you get to say that).

Luke sighs, his smooth voice reaching over your shared divider, "You know at some point I'm just not going to respond. You guys can’t call me Newbie forever."

"Keep telling yourself that," You snort without looking up.

Another sigh and you smirk: you win.

"For your information," Luke grumbles, words punctuated with sass, "Doc went home."

You pause. "Home?" He didn't tell you.

"Yeah, probably to get ready for your date."

"Our date?" You frown and stand up, leaning over the divider to see if Luke’s fucking with you.

He isn't. Luke shrugs, humming wistfully as he rests his cheek in his hand, "You should've seen how excited he was, being it your first Valentine's Day and all. I told him to chill out because you'll love whatever it is no matter what but I'm sure he ignored that and planned something spectacular for you guys." Sitting back, he twirls around in his chair.

You grimace, recalling your earlier conversation with Garcia.

Shit.

"Meanwhile, I have to spend Galentine's Day with Garcia because all the ladies of the BAU are taken and I have nothing better to do—" Luke comes to a full 720, catching the tail end of your coat as you whip it on and make for the door. "—um, excuse you?"

"If Emily asks, I had an emergency!" You manage to call back, throwing open the glass door.

"Okay?"

"Thanks, Newb!"

As the elevator door dings shut with you inside, leg jumping because you have a sneaking suspicion you fucked up, Luke slouches in his chair and grumbles.

He's not a newb. Or a newbie.

—

You rush over to Spencer's, catching your breath as you stumble to his front door. There's shuffling from inside, the faint sound of clanking and crashing and your heart swells because this is the man you’ve fallen for, the first one you've ever felt this way for. Here he is, being all considerate and romantic. And here you are, fucking it up when your relationship’s barely even started.

God, you're an asshole, you berate yourself as you turn the doorknob and push open the door. You're an asshole you're an asshole you’re an asshole—

Then your eyes widen and your jaw goes slack.

Immediately, you slap a hand over your mouth and nose as your favorite scented candles hit you like someone shoved a bouquet in your face. The description isn't too far off considering there's a lovely bouquet of your favorite flowers still in its wrapping, haphazardly set next to a dozen donuts on the coffee table like no one's business. Its petals are strewn across the floor, a few in tiny piles like they were hastily swept to the side. Red and pink and dark green fill your vision.

Who gutted Cupid and tossed his organs around, holy fu-

"(Your name)?"

Startled, you crane your head to find Spencer, beautiful hair askew and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. His sleeves are pushed up to his elbows as he clutches flowers to his chest. In his other hand, he grips the colored strings of several shiny red and pink balloons in the shape of hearts and—fuck—your heart might actually float up from your chest and into your eyes.

This is your man. Your partner. Your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend panics, fumbling for a second before stuffing the balloons and trimmed flowers back into the room behind him and slamming the door shut. He turns back to you, eyes wide.

"What-what are you doing here?" Spencer stammers, wringing his hands together.

You blink at him, dumbly holding up your phone. "You-uh-you left early and didn't return my calls."

"I'm sorry. I think I left my phone at work," Probably because he left in such a rush, Spencer groans, looking anywhere but you. The petals scattered over his floor are quite pretty in this light. "And I was a bit busy."

"I'm sure you were," You gawk openly at the strings of fairy lights hung around his living room. It's a clash of aesthetics. Spencer always rocked dark academia, but despite how ugly the combination of red and pink decorations with his nature green walls and dark wood is, it leaves his apartment a little brighter, a little cozier, and you love it.

You love everything about this.

But as you take in the ugly beauty of it all, Spencer fidgets at the doorway, mistaking your awe as shock and disgust. Wiping sweaty palms on his trousers, his eyes dart around, trying to focus on something, but every place he lays his eyes on makes him cringe. He catches all the things he couldn't clean up or put away in time. No doubt you do too. All the leftover flower petals, the donuts he can’t return, candles that haven’t blown out because he has the lungs of an 8-year old asthmatic.

Spencer can't imagine how appalled you are.

And the longer your silence stretches on, the more nervous he gets so he blurts out, "I'm so sorry, (Your Name)!"

Your brow shoots up as he begins to ramble.

"You must hate this. I'll put everything away."

"You really don't have to—" You stop him, and your heart nearly crumbles as Spencer's does when he finally meets your worried gaze.

His eyes gleam with unshed tears. He swallows, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"Doc—"

"At least not without asking you—"

"Doctor—"

"I understand if you want to break up—" His voice cracks, as if the idea itself will destroy him (it definitely will).

"Spencer—" His voice, wobbly and dripping with unnecessary guilt, draws you to him.

"But I want you to know that I—"

With an exasperated sigh, you grab his hand as yours finds the nape of his neck, pulling him into a soft kiss.

For a second, Spencer doesn't respond because who kisses the person they're about to break up with? Strange, really. But then he kisses you back. His hands remain frozen, unsure of where he stands, but he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. He figures this is a new social cue he has yet to learn. And if this is the last time you kiss him, he'll treasure every second of it, take whatever you'll give him because again he's a lovefool for you.

And when you pull back, he's too dazed he nearly misses the look you give him. Suddenly, he can’t breathe.

You look at him like he hung the stars instead of cheap fairy lights around his apartment.

Spencer’s confused. "I-I... Wha—"

"I'm not breaking up with you," You chuckle, and you nearly burst out laughing as genuine puzzlement takes over his face. You tug him behind you, plopping yourselves on his couch. You smile, appreciating the way he organized the cushions and throw-pillows; there's now space for two people to lay down.

You take a breath. "You wanna know why I don't like Valentine’s Day?"

Spencer slouches, though his body is angled towards you so you suppose that's good. He sighs, "Because it's a capitalistic holiday that reinforces the idea of doing the bare minimum…"

He begins listing your reasons, and your eyes soften. Of course he listened and remembered even if you mentioned it offhandedly.

You nod once he finishes. "Yes but before that—and I can't believe I'm telling you this—back when I was a little kid, I didn’t get any Valentines."

Spencer's brow furrows at the newfound information. You continue, "I'd get some from my friends and stuff but that's not what Valentine's Day is about. At least not when you're a kid. When you’re a dumb kid, it’s about couples and romantic shit, and I didn't really have any of that growing up." You purse your lips and glance away, face flushed with embarrassment. It's really not that big a deal, but putting it into words makes the idea seem more intimate and personal.

It takes a moment for your words to sink in as Spencer can't believe his ears. How could you not have been showered with love and affection and presents on Valentines Day? It's like water doesn't make things wet or fire doesn't produce heat; it just doesn't make sense. Because you deserve that much and more.

"So every Valentine's Day, I lowered my expectations and eventually I stopped caring. I'd tell myself those things and I started to believe them," You bite your lip, eyes crinkling as you give Spencer a sheepish smile. "But now I have you."

At that, Spencer returns your smile, letting you take his hand. Any tears he had seem to evaporate instantly.

“So, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I stand by what I said before, Valentine’s Day sucks. But if it’s with you,” Blushing deeply, you play with Spencer's hand, large and veins defined compared to yours, shrugging, “I guess it’s not so bad.”

Spencer’s smile broadens, and he intertwines your fingers together. "So what you’re saying is, you don’t hate this?” He looks around his living room.

You shake your head, unable to stop the grin crossing your lips. “No. In fact, very much the opposite. Honestly, thank you for this, it’s beautiful. I have no words.” You breathe it all in; the candles, the flowers, the— Your nose wrinkles and you snort, “Did you burn something?”

Bashfully looking down, he scratches his chin. “I-uh-tried to make your favorite dishes. Though, I was hoping the candles and flowers would mask it.”

You giggle and pull him into you, snuggling into his side. “That’s okay. I’d much rather have you anyway.”

With Spencer a blushing, stuttering mess in your arms, head resting on your chest, you press a kiss to his hair and conclude; yeah, you don’t like Valentine’s Day.

But you sure as hell love Spencer more.

—

AN: FtH status: finished - 7/5. yes 7.

I realize this was not what anon requested but oh well i wrote this at 2 am

I’m not that anti v day but i stand by the capitalistic aspect.

yes this takes place after For the Holidays.

also included luke bc hes my bro and i honestly think he deserves so much more than what the show gave also garvez ftw

happy post valentine’s day!!

Song: Lovefool by The Cardigans

#spencer reid x reader #mgg x reader #matthew gray gubler x reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #mgg imagine #mgg fic #mgg x y/n #mgg fanfiction #mgg #matthew gray gubler x oc #matthew gray gubler imagine #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds

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ancient-day · 4 years ago

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On the Third Semester and PT Awareness

Over the year, I’ve seen various interpretations concerning the third semester and how “guilty” the Phantom Thieves are in falling prey to Maruki’s reality, and I wanted to throw out my own take and observation on the group. And this observation is based under the assumption that Akira has reached Confidant Rank 10 with every single party member, including Akechi and Sumire.

This isn’t to argue with anyone, and I’m not looking to make any sort of “I’m right; therefore, you’re wrong if you don’t agree” arguments here because at the end of the day, responses to media will always vary, and these characters are all human enough to have a multitude of interpretations. That does not make them badly written, it simply means that we as the audience may have different understandings based on our own personal experiences that impact how we view the characters.

With all that being said, I’ll get right into it. Do I think the PT were “bad friends” to Akira in the third semester? Short answer: It’s complicated, and different friends fulfill different needs. Long answer, below.

Starting with Akechi.

I’m gonna get this out of the way, but worry not, this isn’t an elaborate excuse to gush about their bond even if they’re my favorite characters. Bias aside, Akira and Akechi have a solid bond where they’ve finally come to rely on each other, and we finally get to see that come into play in this final arc of the game.

In Rank 8, Akechi expresses admiration for Akira’s strength and admits that he’d be relying on him in a pinch.

And this is exactly what he does when he seeks out Akira as soon as he’s let out of police custody. He notices things are odd and immediately goes to the person he knows he can rely on so that they can figure it out together. It’s painted as a deal, and obviously that appears strictly transactional, but that’s exactly how Akira has operated in his own relationships. He makes deals with his confidants; this is nothing new.

He even admits that he’d have snapped Akira out of the delusion, just like Akira does for all his other friends (albeit in a much less gentle way, but in his defense, he’s not exactly equipped for gently talking someone out of their happiness).

So for better or for worse, Akechi’s here with all the straightforwardness and sharp edges you could expect from someone dragged back from death’s door to deal with yet another manipulative adult trying to control his and his friend’s lives. He isn’t without his sympathetic moments, but for the most part, he’s clearly trying to be the consistent voice of reason when anyone may falter.

One of the most incredible displays of this is 2/2. By this point, all of the PT have been broken out of their trance, and they’re well aware that Maruki is going to confront Akira, especially because Akechi basically goes out of his way to point out that it’s the most likely scenario in their group chat.

Even though they all know this, they trust Akira to be able to handle this as their leader and to reach out if he needs anything. The problem here is that... Akira isn’t exactly known to do this. By now, they’ve all known him for a year, and they know that he handles most of his shit alone (mostly due to the Protagonist ProblemTM where the protag has to be mostly self-reliant to give the player something to do, but there are also instances of Akira deliberately hiding his pain and trauma from others to ease their minds [his headaches and responses to Shido]).

So why are they making him do it alone? Why isn’t anyone on stand-by? It’s possible they consider Morgana as enough support, so perhaps the thought never crosses their mind. Even Morgana is apprehensive about the whole thing, but doesn’t advise him to contact anyone else.

So who does give him back-up? Akechi. He doesn’t invite himself in, he doesn’t text Akira to let him know he’s just outside in case he needs him, and he doesn’t draw attention to it until Maruki calls him out.

He could be here for any number of reasons, and it doesn’t even have to be just one reason. But let’s assume he’s here because he wants to make sure Akira won’t be swayed by Maruki’s words or the temptation of his life without him being present to speak for himself. In both cases, he’s emotionally backing Akira up and going out of his way to help in his own way.

This speaks volumes for his strength of resolve and how far he’s come.

I don’t need to discuss the rest of this interaction because the primary focus is that Akechi demonstrates his friendship by being there for Akira even when his year-long friends weren’t (physically).

But are they bad friends for not doing this?

Not necessarily. Not everyone has this kind of strength and awareness to understand their friends on this level. Akira and Akechi understand each other well because they’re very similar at their core. This isn’t necessarily bias because the game goes out of its way to show and tell us this (hell, Arsene’s and Loki’s silhouettes are strikingly similar!). It makes them inconsiderate perhaps, but it doesn’t mean that they’re overall bad friends.

It’s not completely their fault that they buy Akira’s stoic leader personality. He doesn’t really give them much to work with, and as much as we all want to believe that we’d do better as friends, sometimes you really do think people can handle the problems they say they can and just hope that they’ll come to you when they need you. It’s human.

So rewinding now that I’m done focusing on what Akechi offered as a friend this semester and going back to the PT being under Maruki’s influence.

Each of the thieves offers Akira an apology during their third awakening, and I’m sure many people found this highly unnecessary because as far as we know, they were completely brainwashed by Maruki’s control on the world around them. However, if this were the case, then why would they feel so deeply apologetic? I have a couple theories about this.

One. This would be the second time Akira has to push them out of their own wallowing (the first time in the Velvet Room just before fighting Yaldabaoth), and their resolves back then would appear flimsy to them now having fallen under yet another form of manipulation. Where before they were ready to submit to the hopelessness and sloth, here they’re falling under Maruki’s spell because a strong enough part of them desired things to be different regardless of how far they’d come and how much they’d grown.

Two. Because they were at least partially aware things were odd and willingly chose to ignore it because they didn’t want to confront the truth.

This is said before the third awakenings, right after the group comes to rescue Akira and Akechi and help defeat berserk!Cendrillon. While the group had a conversation about vaguely remembering events that contradict their happy reality prior to this, this confirms that at least Futaba was aware things were odd even before Akira tried to snap her out of it. Whether this is due to her navigation abilities or her awakening having been linked to her desire to never again turn her eyes away from the truth, it’s hard to say. But this is important to note that while they were tempted by Maruki, at least one person in the group was aware that things were odd and willingly chose not to question it.

Can we blame her? Of course not. But it’s still worth pointing out that this situation isn’t so clear as “the PT had absolutely zero idea that they were in an odd situation until Akira tried to wake them from it.”

So what about everyone else? What do they really have to be sorry for?

Morgana apologizes for not holding true to his resolve, and he feels as though he’s let both himself and Akira down in doing so. He also acknowledges that he’s responsible for shoving all his own problems onto Akira and vows to change this.

While he doesn’t seem to admit to any awareness that things were odd before Akira put the idea in his head, it seems like he still holds himself responsible for having had doubts in his resolve that he’d reached with Akira in their rank 10. And these doubts caused him to rely on that false happiness and turn his back on Akira, even if he didn’t mean to.

I think it’s great that he brings attention to this and wants to be more independent. Of course Akira will still be there for him, but it’s not healthy for either of them for Morgana to have put him in this position, and now they can continue growing in their friendship. And so when he promises to protect Akira from here on out, it’s a vow that rings true because he had the strength to confront his own weaknesses, admit to them, and apologize for how they hurt someone he cares deeply about. Sometimes we hurt people we love without meaning to or when we’re caught up in ourselves.

And these characters are teenagers. They’re inherently pretty selfish, which isn’t an evil or bad thing so much as it’s a stage of life that makes it difficult to look outside yourself. Makoto even admits to this in her own apology.

When we’re fans of these characters, our instinct is to say you didn’t do anything wrong; you have nothing to apologize for, but these apologies aren’t coming out of no where, and they’re allowed to reflect and regret what they’ve done even if they didn’t mean to.

And I know I already touched on Futaba’s situation here, but there’s something else in her third awakening that shows her bond with Akira and adds to her guilt. She specifically fears that she’s betrayed him and hurt him greatly, even though he reassures her she hasn’t. Why does this stand out to me? Because all throughout Royal, one of Akira’s consistent fears is the fear of betrayal.

And this shows that Futaba knows him well enough to know this is something that hurts him personally, and she’s worried she did that to him. While the hurt isn’t as severe as she fears, it’s a fair assumption for her to come to after having admitted that she willingly turned away from the truth.

I’m going to cut the awakenings here because I don’t have much else to add about the entirety of the PT because it could end up redundant, but these were specific examples that show that they do have things to apologize to Akira for, and it’s not a matter of them blaming themselves for being “brainwashed” so much as them apologizing for once again putting Akira in a position where he has to snap them out of their weaknesses after they’ve promised to be there for him.

The overall impression I get from their responsibility in the matter is that to an extent, all of them probably experienced something similar to what Futaba described about having felt something was off initially but ignored/denied it until Akira came to them and really made them confront it out loud. Her sense of it may have been the strongest, but I still think there has to be some degree in each of them, even if faint.

This makes them human, flawed yet sympathetic. They’re allowed to mess up in their friendships, especially since a majority of them have close to no experience with friendship as is. Akechi isn’t the better support here due to his own skills in friendship; he and Akira have a special understanding of one another because they’re extremely similar and aren’t convinced by masks and appearances. And Akechi has been severely manipulated, so he knows damn well that Akira’s gonna need back-up against another manipulative person even if he thinks he can handle it alone. Akechi’s been there and he knows how that goes.

So it’s not necessarily a matter of him being the better friend overall so much as they’re all Akira’s close friends and support him in various ways. And ideally, Akira should have that in his friend group. There are things that the PT can offer that Akechi can’t, and vice versa. But I think it’s more than fair to acknowledge when the PT slip up and have a messy handling of their relationships.

They’re all growing and learning.

#jest ramblings #whoops i rambled but there are at least screenshots here?#I was gonna go through each of the 3rd tier awakenings but tbh this is already so long #kingdom queue

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kamaria-sweet-writes · 4 years ago

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Mermay prompt (Laiken) Part 3

**Laiken**

I’d been standing there for pretty close to 20 minutes as he continued his tirade. I was inconsiderate, uncaring and most of all I was a horrible daughter for putting him through what I did. It didn’t matter that I’d traveled nearly 14 hours to get where I was. All he cared about was that he wasn’t the first priority after I’d landed. “Are you listening to me, Laiken Skye?”

I groaned at the utterance of my middle name which only spurred him on more.

“I knew I should’ve let you leave. You’ve been there for what, a few hours and already you’re acting like your mother. Like you’re too good for me.” I braced myself for his tongue lashing. He only brought up mom when he was pissed off. “Don’t forget that she dropped you like day old garbage just the same as me, Princess.” he spewed venom at me over the phone line “She will toss you aside again and then you’ll have to come home to me.” I cringed at the thought of going back home. Of staying in that house with him for the rest of my life.

Tears were streaming down my face not because of him yelling at me but because I was letting him do it. Here I was 3,500 miles away from him yet I’m still afraid as if he was standing in front of me.

I took a deep breath before pulling the device from my ear and hanging up on him mid sentence. I turned off the phone for good measure because I knew he would be calling me back and I didn’t know if I had the strength to deny his calls after he would deploy his tactics. They would always reel me back in. Not this time though. Thankfully enough he wouldn’t dare try something so nefarious on someone else’s phone. He didn’t want his precious reputation besmirched by something so odious.

I stood there trying to will the tears away but I was left standing on the deck weepy eyed. Who does this to their children? What made him think this was ok on any level? I sniffled and a tissue was thrust in my direction making me jump in response. How hadn’t I known that some came out here?

I took the tissue and dabbed at my eyes before dealing with my nose. “Are you ok?” His voice wrapped around me again just like the first time I’d heard it. “You’ve been crying.” I winced as the pad of his thumb made contact with my cheek where he’d wiped a rougue tear away. “I’ll not hurt you, Laiken.”

Crazy to say, but I believed what he’d said. “Thank you.” He just nodded before joining me at the railing that skirted the whole home. We stood there in comfortable silence for some time listening to the water crashing around us before making our way back into the cottage where the party was still in full swing.

“Come on.” He slid his hand onto the small of my back before ushering me through the house straight to the restroom “Clean up, I’ll wait here till you finish.” I blushed but complied, cleaning up my tear streaked face and pinning my hair back in place before heading back out to the waiting guests. True to his word Taine was waiting right outside the door for me. His smile was something you’d dream about and it elicited one from me in response. “Barnabus is looking for you, I’ll take you to him.” His shift in attitude could be sensed but I said nothing about it. It’s like he’s almost irritated but… not with me.

Again his hand was laid on the small of my back as he ushered me forward. It’s silly to feel grounded with someone you don’t know, right? My mind was sent a flutter feeling the warmth of his palm pressed against such an intimate area though. I stole glances when I could but his eyes stayed forward and his smile was all but gone. What happened?

Even with my mind elsewhere I didn’t miss the way everyone was looking at us including my mother. The attention was really starting to get to me but just when I thought I’d lose it I was placed in front of Barnabus and the hand that was planted on the small of my back promptly left my form leaving me wanting it back where it was. “Sparrow, let’s go talk.” We walked away leaving Taine where he stood. “This is a lot, tell me how you’re doing? I heard you were crying on the deck.” I sighed before telling him just what happened. “Ahh, I thought it was Taine that upset you. I’ll need to apologize when we get back inside.” I let out the most unladylike chortle in the history of chortles before kissing his cheek.

“Da, he’s just getting to be too much. Living with him is nightmarish and I’m sure you know just what I mean.” He nodded before pressing his own kiss to my temple. There was no way he was able to ignore the way my father treated my mother over the years especially when it came to her seeing me. To say he was holding a grudge would be a gross understatement.

“I know but let’s not focus on him tonight. There are still people in there vying for your attention and wanting to get to know you.” I watched a slow smile cross his face as he took in my dress. “This suits you.” He spun me around and I giggled. This is something you do with your toddler, not your fully grown daughter but he didn’t care. “I am so happy to have you home, My Sparrow.” Home. How I wished somewhere so beautiful could be my home.

“Stop keeping her to yourself, Love. She’s here for 2 weeks so how about you share her tonight?” Mom and her flair for the dramatic. We’d only been on the deck for a few minutes but according to her, it’s like we have been out here all night.

I watched as he advanced on her before planting a kiss on her lips declaring his love like he always did. I wanted that. Wanted what they had with one another but who would put up with someone so damaged?

I followed behind the pair into the house breaking away from them when I found a group of women to chat with. They didn’t look much older than I was so I figured this was as good a place as any to start my night in. Lots of gossip about some other clan and their Chieftain flitted about but all I did was sip my drink and nod along until I found a place in the conversation to leave respectively. Their chatter left much to be desired and I found myself surfing the room in search of some type of engaging conversation.

“Not having fun?” Taine. I looked up at him and shook my head. I felt out of place like I always had. I didn’t know anything about life here or how the social structure worked so I was just a wall flower all over again. I didn’t want that for myself anymore. “Wanna get outta here? I know this place down by the water where we can watch the moon rise.” Tempting, but my mother wanted me here where I could talk to our Clan.

I looked around the room trying to gauge whether or not I could actually sneak out but I found her watching me from the corner of the room. Creepy. “She would kill me if I left this little get together” I pointed to where she was standing “but I will take a raincheck.”

We ended up moving around the room together for the rest of the night. Where I was Taine stood right next to me if not right behind. I found my in when the conversation shifted into one about the environment. That I could work with and I did for the next few hours.

Who knew being social could zap your energy reserves like that? I didn’t. I tried in vain to will the sleepiness away but nothing helped. I was in a near perpetual state of yawning when I was lead away from the conversation. I listened as Taine excused the both of us and deep down I was thankful for it. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to last in the state I was in.

I was transferred from one set of arms to another before I was escorted up the stairs to my bedroom. I stripped off my dress before washing my face and climbing into bed. My head hit the pillow and sleep took me quickly.

There were no nightmares to speak of. This time I was greeted by the sweet embrace of another. Large, warm and rumbly my companion was. “I’ve been waiting for you, Laiken .” A soft caress against my cheek followed by a warm chuckle. “Sleep now, nothing will harm you while you’re in my arms.” I believed him, whoever he was and for the second time in moments I’d drifted off.

**Taine**

I made it all of 15 minutes of waiting for Laiken to walk back through the door before leaving Barnabus with the rest of his family. At first I was just gonna wait at the door but when I heard the crying I had to go make sure she was ok. Why I all of a sudden felt this need to go to her I would never know but it wasn’t something I could just ignore. Just like the sudden pull I felt when I laid eyes on her, this time was no different.

I stepped out onto the deck, sure to close the door behind me quietly. There she stood against the railing wiping furiously at her face trying to stifle the tears that still demanded to be let loose. I offered her a tissue. Albeit a little roughly since I was trying to control my own irritation at the situation. “Are you ok?” I watched her dab at her eyes before unceremoniously blowing her nose into the wad of paper. She didn’t say anything, just stood there looking worn out.

When a rogue tear slipped from her eye unexpectedly I stepped into her space catching it with the pad of my thumb. Soft. Her skin was so soft but when she winced I crumbled a bit inside. “I’ll not hurt you, Laiken” I speak the deepest truth I’d dared ever to to speak. I wouldn’t hurt her. Not if I could help it.

She seemed to relax a bit and I was able to just stand out there with her listening to the waves crash the beach. I didn’t want to break these moments of peace for her but there were people inside waiting to get some time with her. I looked at her face before we walked inside and figured she’d want to clean up before meeting some of these people for the first time. I lead her to the restroom and let her know I’d be waiting for her once she came out.

I wasn’t the only one that noticed her face and I was rushed by an angry Barnabus “What happened?” He didn’t even give me the chance to respond before starting again “I leave you to court her and I find her crying not even 30 minutes later? Did I make the wrong decision? Maybe I should’ve gone with one of the others you mentioned.” He threw his arms up before turning away from me “Bring her to me once she’s out of there.” And with that he walked away from me leaving me pissed. If he would’ve given me the chance to explain he would know I had nothing to do with her crying.

She came out looking like the episode never happened in the first place. I smiled and got one in response before remembering Barnabus and his little request. “Barnabus is looking for you, I’ll take you to him.” I tried to hide the irritation in my tone but watching her reaction I can tell I’d failed at that. Instead of trying to explain myself I just led her to where Barnabus was waiting to talk to her. I didn’t miss the way her body shivered at my touch nor the glances she kept throwing over her shoulder but I needed to get her to the Chieftain. I didn’t want any more misunderstandings where Laiken was involved.

I watched him walk away with her no doubt getting ready to interrogate her to find out just what I’d done to her to make her cry. I hope he feels like shit when he realizes I had nothing to do with it.

Having no one else to converse with, I pulled out my phone to make sure all was well within our territory. There was a report of Eion on the island but that wasn’t abnormal considering he ran tourists around the beaches in hopes of them meeting real selkies. It was ridiculous but the money was good and he didn’t make issues for us so he was fine to be here as long as his father stayed at the harbor.

My eyes drifted to the door when it was opened and she drifted through behind her parents. She really was beautiful and that dress just framed her perfectly. My eyes followed her as she tried to find a place to belong. That lasted all of a few minutes before she left to fill her drink yet again. “Not having fun?” She shook her head before looking down into the red liquid in her cup, swishing it around as she did “Wanna get outta here? I know this place down by the water where we can watch the moon rise.” Her head snood to the side where her mother was seated watching us like a lion would watch a gazelle. Why is she so intense?

“She would kill me if I left this little get together” she pointed to Danae and I sighed in defeat “but I will take a raincheck.” That just made the whole night better. I wasn’t sure before but after everything else I’m pretty sure she feels something.

I spent the rest of the night being close to her as we moved around the house. She introduced herself then did the same for me like everyone there didn’t know me already but I said nothing about it. She was adorable and I was basking in it while I could. I had to make a show of dominance when one of Barnabus’ nephews tried to make a move. I quietly put him in his place with a well placed hand on Laiken’s hip and a not so subtle glance into her eyes as she smiled up at me. Oh yeah, she feels something alright. The connection was there and I silently cheered in my head as I watched her blossom when the conversation shifted into something about our environment here.

Hours passed and I watched her yawn more and more frequently until she was just about swaying on her feet. She wanted to stay engaged in the conversation but I excused us both before leading her away from the group in search of Barnabus. “I’ll take her. Thank you for keeping her company, Taine. I am sure Barnabus is on the deck likely talking to his brothers. I know he wanted to have a word before you left tonight.” I nodded in acknowledgment before placing a kiss on Laiken’s hand.

Her sleepy smile was just as good as when she was full on beaming. I wanted to witness all her smiles. “Sleep well, Laiken. My number is in your phone should you want to get in touch.” She hmm’d in response before she was lead up the stairs. I would never have guessed that I would find my mate, let alone her being the Chieftains daughter. Mates were all but legend amongst our people these days. Denying her would’ve been the biggest regret of my life.

I’d stayed behind to help clean up the mess and rearrange the furniture if needed. Even with the guest of honor tucked into her bed conversations were still being had amongst the other guests. Around 1am Barnabus started showing people the door and I was only too glad to help in shooing the last couple of people out of the house.

I knew it’d been a while since I’d seen Danae and chuckled when I found her sprawled on the couch still holding a bottle of wine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this. “You wouldn’t believe how stressed out she’s been.” I turned to look up at my Chieftain. He was picking up his mate. “She’s been planning this for what seems like forever. There were hiccups along the way but I’d say it turned out pretty good.” I nodded in agreement before picking up a few cups.

I’d had just about everything taken care of when he tapped my shoulder. “Forgive me for my temper. I- I just want good memories for her here and I got so caught up thinking you’d fudged that up. I’ll try to refrain from doing it again.” He pulled me into a hug, patting me hard against my back.

“Think nothing of it. I’ll be heading home now if there’s nothing left to be done.” I waited for a beat before heading toward the door “Thank you for trusting me with Laiken. She’s amazing” he just smiled and nodded in agreement.

I left his house heading straight for mine. I grabbed my pelt and headed back out straight for the beach. The water had been calling me for a while and I needed to feel it against my skin. I tucked my pelt around me willing the shift. Safely cocooned I moved toward the ocean diving in soon as I had the ability to.

After some time I pulled myself onto a large rock where I could bathe in the moonbeams combing from the full moon above. How I wished I was able to bring Laiken here to witness this. No matter, she will see it soon enough.

Having remembered about the early morning I had ahead of myself I cut my swim short and made my way home. I looked around the small cottage once I was inside and started thinking of all the ways I could improve it, expand it and make something Laiken would be proud of me for. I felt like a lovesick pup but I was fine with it.

I showered before climbing into bed. I must’ve been more tired than I realized because I dozed with the phone in my hand, right after shooting off a text to Laiken.

The next 2 days were pretty routine outside of me making time to spend with Laiken. We’d done a few things like going out to lunch or grabbing ice cream after the dinner Danae had invited me to. I wanted to spend all my extra time with her but that might not bode well seeing as she doesn’t understand our customs.

“Laiken.” She looked up at me smiling nodding for me to go on “Now that you’ve been here a few days how are you liking it here?” She finished chewing the candy in her mouth.

“I love it. Albeit I haven’t seen it all though the things I have seen are beautiful. I could see myself moving here.” That made me happy. “I’d just need to find a place to live. I could live here but there’s only so much hanky panky I can handle when it comes to hearing my mom and Barnabus doing it.”

She made a gagging sound and I couldn’t help the chuckle that spilled out of me. “I get it. I have an extra room if ever you want to get away for a night or so. No expectations. I just want you to know you have options.” She nodded before turning back to the pie she was making. “Alright so, why is it called a cobbler instead of a pie?” She looked at me before shaking her head in exhaustion. I knew why but I loved the way she explained things to me.

“Taine, are you kidding me? I’m pretty sure we’ve gone over this.” I shrugged and she smiled knowingly before she went over the differences. Again. I hung off of her words and watched her mouth as she spoke. I loved the way her teeth would sink into her plump bottom lip when she was to think about her word choice. “Are you even listening to me?” I nodded before looking up into her eyes. I reiterated what she’d taught me, making her smile even bigger.

Dinner was served and dessert not long afterward. The meal was made by Laiken and I and it was delicious. I lingered around the cottage for longer than normal this time because I’d be gone for the next couple days for work. Barnabus had been tucked away with Danae while Laiken and I watched a movie.

“When I come back home from the outing would you fancy a proper date with me?” She looked so surprised I almost laughed but that would’ve been bad. “You can say no if you’re not interested.” She shook her head before speaking.

“I’d actually like that a lot. I just didn’t think someone like you would want someone like me.” Has she really not picked up on my flirty texts and touches? “We will settle plans once you’re home. I’m getting sleepy so I should walk you to the door.” And she did.

I made my way home where I sat thinking about why she’d possibly think so little about herself. She’s smart and gorgeous. Perfect in my book. Perfect and mine.

**Eion**

It had been days since I’d seen her on the ferry and I was starting to give up hope until she climbed aboard yet again. She wasn’t carrying luggage, just a small backpack on her back. I watched her as she sat alone looking out over the water. How bad I wanted to just talk to her but I can’t risk it. What if I stammer? Will she ridicule me?

No, she doesn’t seem the type to do that yet here I am still scared shitless. “Eion, get up here and help man the vessel.” I took another glance before turning to head back toward the navigation area. She was watching me. Our eyes locked and my stomach flipped. “Eion, get up here!” I grumbled before heading up to where my father was.

He was likely hungover after drinking well into the night. He did this far too much. I took charge of the vessel while he went about spewing his guts out in our private restroom.

I missed my chance to speak to her this time but I did notice the bow she wore in her hair. It looked like Tartan but I’d only seen one like it. Barnabus’ clan wore something spot on and that made me wonder just who she was. Perhaps I’ll get my chance to ask when she boards to head home?

I continued ferrying people back and forth from the mainland keeping an eye out for that beautiful woman. It wasn’t until late in the day that she’d stepped aboard and she was weighed down by her trip. “W-would you like a hand?” Her eyes met mine before a smile tore across her beautiful face. She had the cutest dimples that adorned her freckled cheeks.

“Yes please.” She extended her hand and I took the bags from her, depositing them next to where she’d sat. “Thank you” it was my turn to smile and I knew I resembled a loon.

I started to take my leave only to be stopped by her touch. “You’re Eion right?” I nodded “I’m Laiken, It’s nice to meet you.” If she isn’t the sweetest thing.

“Nice t-to meet you, Laiken. I should be goin’ this boat won’t navigate itself.” She chuckled before nodding in acknowledgment. Her laugh was like a breath of fresh air after being cooped up for days on end. I loved it.

The vessel started moving and I made my way to the navigation area where my father had taken control. “I have it from here. Find something to keep yourself busy.”

At his dismissal I went back to sit with Laiken. Laiken. Her name tasted amazing on my tongue and caused a smile to break out on my face. I hadn’t even noticed I was standing in front of her until she started giggling “You ok up there?” She queried looking up into my face.

I rubbed the back of my head nervously getting my fingers caught in the locks. “Yeah, I just wanted to know if you were interested in taking a tour.” She quirked a brow before shaking her head. Rejection.

“Not a Selkie tour but maybe... one of the islands?” She smiled up at me and rested her hands in her lap. “I’d like that a lot actually now that I think about it. Would you happen to be up for that kind of tour? I can of course pay you for your time.” Pay me? Just her spending time with me was more than enough payment for anything she wanted to do.

We were getting close to docking so I didn't have much time left. “You need not pay me, Laiken. I w-would be honored to take you on a t-tour of wherever you choose.” she nodded before pulling her phone out and handing it to me.

“Put your info in there so we can plan this out. I will call or text you tomorrow so we can start.” she was beaming “My mom is gonna be so excited when I tell her about this.” she was practically bouncing in her seat.

Again I noticed the tartan that was in her hair. Who is her Ma’? Before i could think to ask i was being summoned to the back of the ferry to prep for docking. “I gotta go.” i looked down at her sheepishly before turning on my heel and rushing toward where I needed to be. I smiled when I heard her call after me.

“I’ll see you soon, Eion.” her voice carried a subtle lilt to it making her sound almost playful. I loved it, I wanted to listen to her speak all day and night but right now I have to focus.

I ended up having to take care of a leak below deck and missed seeing her leave the ferry but I clutched my phone in my pocket remembering that I had an in now. “Best you stay away from that human, Boy.” I turned around and glared at my father. “Mark my words, that one is gonna be trouble.” I would never. According to him all humans are “Trouble” . Why would Laiken be any different?

#mermay2021 #exophilia creators #selkie boyfriend #selkie x human #poc #interracial #my wriitng #dont steal my shit #sorry its late #part3

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punz4lyfe · 4 years ago

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Professor Cerise SUCKS

TLDR: Cerise’s design is so lame, he’s hardly involved, he just seems so incredibly lazy, and he’s just plain awful in his job.

Hello, all you people of planet earth. Today, I’m going to talk about a character from Pokemon Journeys: Professor Cerise. And why he sucks. So let’s just get this started.

Reason #1: Design

Firstly, let’s take a good look at Professor Cerise, and already I’m incredibly annoyed. Look down below and pay close attention to Cerise’s design, and then do the same to Oak’s design.

Do you see it? Can you see where I’m going to go? That’s right...

From too identical clothing to almost similar hair styles, Cerise’s general design is way too similar to Oak’s. Why? Does he have some kind of huge admiration for Professor Oak that he dresses up in a similar fashion in hopes of one day being as highly regarded as him? Why would you do this to us, anipoke?

Are they trying to do the whole Red-Blue motif that Journeys has been doing with Ash and Goh? Oak hardly appears, so I don’t see why they would do that, but even if they did, it would be mess. Because of his colors, Cerise would represent the blue of the motif, but Ash represents that as well, so it would make more sense to have Ash and Oak both represent the red motif since they’re both the veterans to Goh and Cerise respectively. Also, isn’t Ash supposed to be the anime version of the game verse’s Red. I’m already getting a headache from this, so let’s move on.

Anywayz, Cerise’s design just seems so unoriginal that it hurts. I’m not kidding when I say that his entire family have way more unique designs compared to him. They, especially Chloe, also have way better personalities than him because I literally get nothing from this nerd.

Reason #2: What are you doing with your life, man?

As of now in Journeys, Cerise’s main involvement in the anime can be summed up as this:

“Hey. You two idiots. Go to this place and capture me some sweet Pokemonz. And no, I can’t go with you because I’m too busy sitting on my lazy butt, staring a oversized computer screens. Run along now.”

It gets even worse when you consider the fact that Ash, Goh, and his own son are more involved in Chloe’s life and trainer progression than he is. But going back to his main contribution to the series, he is apparently focused on studying as many Pokemon as he can, which also contributes to Goh’s goal of catching every mon out there, including Legendaries. So Professor Cerise, you’re apparently okay with a young kid catching powerful Legendaries so you can study them yourself at your lab away from their natural habitats where they could be needed? In a grander scale, you’re literally not that different from the many villains Ash has fought in both the series and the movies. Yes, you don’t want to hurt them and they could probably go back to their needed locations like Suicune did, but the fact that you still want to see them up-close and personal for your own little research still does seem a little selfish. Why can’t you go to these specific locations yourself? You are able to afford three children plane tickets everyday. The day where you set your sights on the Creation Trio or the Island Deities will be the day the world will really be in trouble.

Reason #3: Horrible, HORRIBLE Professor

Professor Cerise is supposed to be this series’ main professor, I get it. Doesn’t help that he completely SUCKS at his job.

Remember all those Gengar episodes? Apparently, Cerise knew of Gengar’s creepy tricks that occurred at the lab’s would-be location, and he continued to make his mark there anyway. It’s one thing to love a challenge and it’s another to be completely inconsiderate. What if your assistants have a fear of spooky apparitions? What if Gengar ended up attacking a Pokemon completely defenseless against it? You’re supposed to be smart, dude. At least act like it!

And now going to Ash and Goh, WHY did you think it would be a good idea to hire two little boys in the first. We know that Ash is capable as the audience, but literally the only reason you hired them was because they got lucky and ended up on a Lugia’s sweaty backside. Literally could’ve happened to anyone if they were there at the right time. If Jessie, James, or a random hobo ended up encountering Lugia, would you hire them, too? If I was writing anipoke, I would have Oak or Delia bring up Ash’s Champion status and the blatant fact that he has already traveled through almost every region known to man, and that would’ve been good enough for Cerise to recruit him. Goh would be easy, too. Just have Chloe, his only friend before Ash, reference him as someone very interested in Pokemon since school. Otherwise, Cerise just looks completely stupid and lazy.

Returning to the lab, remember Episode 23 when a food shortage occurred due to Skwovet’s Big Chungus appetite and many disputes happened afterwards? If you think about it, it’s kinda Cerise’s fault, too. Dude, you will potentially have over 800 monsters at your lab. You should be ordering food trucks by the dozen every day to keep everyone fed and satisfied. Ash and Goh are only kids, so why should the ENTIRE shibang be in their hands? You can afford these kids plane tickets every day. Use your money more wisely, nerdo.

Additionally, with so many species compacted into a single space, there are BOUND to be disputes. Plus, you are well aware of Ash’s goal and how often he trains and uses Goh’s fodder mons as training dummies. Why the heck haven’t you installed any healing machinery yet? As Episode 60 has shown, whenever Ash or Goh’s mons get injured, they have to take down out the lab and to the Pokemon Center, which is quite the distance away. Now with this in mind, Cerise, why the heck did you decide to have your lab so far away from the Pokemon Center in the first place?! Even taking Ash out of the equation, Pokemon will inevitably fight due to spacial disputes, food, or just for the fun of it. Clearly, you haven’t thought your whole career through. The day Goh catches a Zangoose and Seviper will be the day the lab falls into fire.

Final Points

So overall, Professor Cerise sucks. His design is so lame, he’s hardly involved, he just seems so incredibly lazy, and he’s just plain awful in his job. Why couldn’t Sonia or Professor Magnolia be this series’ main professors? Even though we haven’t seen them since the Darkest Day Arc, they at least have WAY better personalities and designs than Cerise could ever hope to have.

#pokemon #pokemon journeys #anipoke #pokeani #professor cerise #cerise laboratory #chrysa #ren #chloe #eevee #yamper #ash ketchum #pikachu #goh #cinderace #professor oak

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connieswriting · 5 years ago

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I’m here now// Fred Weasley

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Request: @bengaliandslytherclaw “can you do a Fred Weasley x Reader post Hogwarts and war and also a Ravenclaw reader with a bit of angst and fluff mixed and maybe not in the Burrow thanks”

A/N: I hope I did your request justice. I just didn’t include the part about being a Ravenclaw since I couldn’t get it to appear naturally in the story. I hate the ending but I had fun writing it, I hope you enjoy it and please send in requests! I had a couple busy weeks but I have time now!

----

You took another sip of your tea looking out of the window in your shared apartment with Fred. Even though the war had long since finished, the pain that you felt was still very much prominent. All the loss, the grieving of so many people at the same time, all of the funerals that didn’t seem to end; the constant questions to which you could never actually answer truthfully, all of the “How are you holding up?” and “How are you feeling?” with those pitiful smiles that you dreaded; the tears that seemed to not be able to stop falling down anymore. Maybe it was better to become apathetic, maybe it was better to just not have a soul anymore, at least you wouldn’t be feeling like this, so depressed, so out of you, so dependent of other people to do your menial tasks that you couldn’t seem bothered to do anymore. It was too much, too much had happened in such a short amount of time, so many people had been killed right in front of your eyes, so many children, just finishing up their first year at Hogwarts, so many young people that could barely even count as teenagers yet, so many of them that had become orphans, you included, overnight. You had lost, along with your family, so many of your friends that it was almost impossible to know how you were even able to be coping with everything.

All the memories of you smiling, laughing, having fun seemed so distant at the moment, so far away, almost as if someone had them and told you about it afterwards, almost as if you had them but in another life, a life where you hadn’t known this kind of pain, this kind of dull feeling always present in your chest. It was hard to believe that Bill and Fleur’s wedding had been a mere year ago, not with all those laughs and kisses you had shared with Fred, in between all those glasses of champagne that were basically bottomless, something that you didn’t seem to be able to do now. Had your parents still been alive this day, they would have most certainly told you to stop shredding tears for the people you lost and instead focus on the people you have in front of you right now. Your mother would have most likely added that you shouldn’t be feeling like this since you knew what was to come before the war had even began, so you just should have been prepared.

The mug on your hands had long since gone cold, but you couldn’t be bother anymore, part of you felt maybe the cold your pair up well with the hot tears that started falling down your face once more. It had started to rain a while ago, adding so much unnecessary cliché to the moment. The front door opened and closed quietly, a tall red-haired emerging from it. You had noticed that the pain you were feeling in that moment seemed so less prominent that you it was supposed to, adding a tad bit of guilt to the list of emotions you had been feeling in the past days. Perhaps you had gone through so much and got hurt so much, so quickly that any of the really bad emotions you had been feeling was wearing off, you tried to reason with yourself, using the sleeve of your sweater to clean your tears away.

“Hey, love” Fred started kneeling in front of you, though you didn’t turn to meet his eyes. “Feeling any better?” You chose to ignore the generic question, you knew he already knew the answer by heart, he was just trying to strike up conversation, wanting you to talk the way you used to, so carefree

(so naïve)

So full of life, so excited

(so unexperienced)

You shook your head in your mind, trying to get all those thought out of it. The truth was that you couldn’t feel that way anymore, you couldn’t be happy, joyous- every time you tried to talk you seemed to get chocked up. You tried going to a therapist for a while, well, you tried many therapists, right after the war, but it made pretty obvious rather soon that none of them were going to work out since none of them could actually understand what you were going through, none of them could, none of them could understand what you felt, what you were still feeling.

“Mom is organising a family lunch tomorrow, if you feel like finally getting out of the house” the boy continued, unbothered by the lack of response or even movement from his girlfriend. “She specially requested your presence (Y/N), she even told me to go to the Burrow today, just the two of us, so we could spend the night there and maybe help out tomorrow, maybe it would take your mind off of things, keeping you busy. We could take the train there, or call for a car, if you don’t feel like using magic to travel.” You didn’t move, predictably- it had been like this for weeks. Him trying to sough out any sort of response out of you, inviting you to get out of the house, even if just to get breakfast at the café right next to your apartment building, cracking his usual jokes, retelling the pranks him and his twin had pulled back in their days at Hogwarts, giving you your favourite flowers and cooking meals for you since if he did not basically force-feed you, you would just neglect all kinds of food, your stomach too filled with anger and repulsion of surviving whilst your friends had all died in your place to accept anything willingly.

Fred sighed heavily, resting his hands on your thighs “Please, just say something, anything!” he looked at you, your face still facing the window, not a single muscle moving. “How long are you going to keep this up? Were all doing awfully you know, for Merlin’s sake, Georgie is half deaf, I almost died! But still, here I am, here we all are, trying to cheer you up, trying to get you to feel better, like we didn’t go through the same things!” It was the first time he had raised his voice at you, keeping any negative thoughts out of your way, preferring to take care of you instead.

“Oh, that is so nice of you!” you scoffed, finally turning to look at his face. It held a mixture of anger, relief and guilt. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t exactly need help, I don’t need you, Fred, your mother or anyone, as a matter of fact, to cheer me up.”

“Obviously you don’t. I am so sorry I spent all this time trying to get you back on your feet when you didn’t even need any help at all with it. So dumb of me to have missed how you’re already doing so well on your own. What an absolute wanker I am.” He threw his hands in the air, dramatically.

“Okay, I’m sorry, when exactly did you hear me say that I was ‘back on my feet’? I just said I didn’t need your constant smothering. I need to grief on my own.” You put down your mug on the tiny coffee table next to you. “You’re right, you went through some things I went through, but certainly not exactly everything. You didn’t see your best friend being killed right on front of your own eyes, you didn’t lose both your parents only a few hours apart and you certainly didn’t almost lose the person who had promised to marry you as soon as the war was over…” You added the last part in a whisper, almost uncertain if you really meant for him to hear it or not. Fred was shocked to say the least. Ever since the battle at Hogwarts, you two had barely spoken two words, not from lack of effort on his part, this had not only been his first time opening up but also yours.

“Do you have any idea what it was like hearing about the explosion and how it had caught you? Do you have any idea the fear I felt during those hours when you were unconscious? I had already lost so much; I couldn’t bear to even think I had lost you as well. Yet, I had to put up with seeing you laying in that bed, so much blood on you, your family around you crying so much that I could barely even comprehend it for a second. All those thoughts that had gone through my head during that time, all those “I have officially lost everything, my soulmate is gone as well” that kept popping every single time I thought they were gone for good, every…” she trailed off, resting her face in her hands “You’re right, I have been inconsiderate towards everyone lately, specially you, but I just got so close to never seeing you again that that has basically been all I could think about every time I look at you. A life without you in it, without you at my side, it’s just…” the warm tear started rolling down your face again, prohibiting you from continuing.

“I… I had no idea you felt like this. I can’t believe I actually put you through that” Fred took the opportunity to speak up once more, pulling you into his arms “I’m here now, I survived, right? Shouldn’t that be all that matters” he spoke quietly, softly, letting you cry on his shoulder “Why didn’t you just tell me how you felt? Why didn’t you tell me what you had been imagining?” He pulled you away from him, analysing your face, using his thumb to brush away your tears.

“It’s not like I could just go up to you right after the war had ended and tell you what everything that had gone through my mind during those hours. Not with everyone so relieved that you had survived, it wasn’t the right moment, and the, as time passed, I couldn’t bring myself to do so and I kind of just kept everything to myself, piling up all of my feelings. My parents were gone, Hannah was gone, and it just felt I had no one to talk to anymore…”

“You had me; you have always had me! It has been so awful to you lately I just wanted to get you to open up a bit, so… well, so this wouldn’t happen!” he smiled apologetically, pulling you into his embrace once again. “Oh, blimey, I can’t believe this, love. Look…, hey, look at me” Fred held your chin, hosting your head up “I’m here now, I pulled through, I’m with you now and, trust me, I’m not going anywhere. I regret to inform you that you’re basically stuck with me for life now, (Y/N).” You laughed a bit, he immediately smiled, it was the first time he had heard that wonderful smile in weeks and Merlin, had he missed it. “Promise me that any time you’re feeling something like this again, every time that you’re feeling, even if just a little bit, blue you’ll come to me, so we can do it, go through whatever it is, together.”

“Yeah, yes, I promise. It has been awful not talking to you, I missed you so much” He leaned forwards, capturing your lips in his. If there was a list of things he missed about you, kissing was certainly right at the top “Now, how about we start getting ready to go to your parents house? I reckon it’s time I left the house, I reckon I’m in need of a distraction and your mother is providing the perfect one” He didn’t answer, he just pulled you into his embrace again. After all this pain, it felt like heaven to be able to hold Fred once more.

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gloves94 · 4 years ago

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To Be So Lonely [Draco Malfoy] 12

Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Draco Malfoy/OC

Chapter warnings: Angst!

Raised as an orphan, Nel Saintday, endured years of torture from the Slytherin House. The Dark Lord only allowed her existence for her to serve a very specific vile purpose for him. Her birthright dictates for her to choose a side in the Wizarding War… But what would happen if she dares defy the Dark Lord and his wishes? And what happens when she falls for her tormentor? Will Nel fulfill her life’s purpose? And what side will her tormentor, Draco Malfoy, choose? The light that calls to him or the darkness…

CHAPTER MASTERLIST MY MASTERLIST

Elowen could not stop crying.

It almost seemed as if everything she been bottling up for the past couple of years simply came spilling out in exhausting shivering sobs. "I-I'm so sorry," she tried to stop the tears, but they didn't seem to have an end. Professor Lupin sat on the edge of his desk simply observing the poor girl. She sat on his chair wiping away the tears with a wet hand. Lupin had dismissed Harry the moment he woke up. Harry had wanted to linger when he saw how hard the girl was crying, he had never seen anybody cry so hard before.

"Eat it, come on. It'll make you feel better," The professor encouraged signaling to the chocolate bar that she had been holding in a hand. She obeyed and took a small bite.

How mortifying was this. Crying in public and worst of it in front of a professor. She didn't want to burden him with his emotions. He probably had better things to worry about.

"I feel like there's a lot to unpack here Ms. Saintday," Lupin spoke in a calm voice. "First and foremost - Who did this to you?"

She remained silent as fewer tears sliding down her face.

"Nel," Lupin licked his lips. Despite her silence he was patient. "If you want me to help you, you have to cooperate with me. As a professor I have to report this. I can give whoever did this to you detention."

It was sweet of Professor Lupin to want to make things right, but a petty detention wouldn't do it. She was going to make them suffer just as much as they had made her suffer.

"Unless, of course, you'd rather take this up with Professor Snape."

Merlin. No. Snape would probably make Nel clean toilets for the rest of the year for this. Of course, it would only be a matter of time before Snape and the rest of Hogwarts found out just what had happened at the Three Broomsticks.

"I'll take care of it professor," she mumbled.

At this point she didn't care if she was cursed. She was sick and tired of those Slytherin bastards. She was sick of being looked down upon. She was sick of being told she didn't belong in the house. Of being the misfit the class. To make matters worse she felt so stupid and more than anything naïve forever trusting Malfoy. The arsehole probably didn't even know who had abandoned her in the abbey to begin with.

"Did they hurt you?" he asked concerned.

She remained silent. He could see the hurting reflected in her expression. The lust for vengeance that blazed in her dark eyes. She had spent the entire trip back to Hogwarts plotting the horrible things she would do to those boys. She'd make them with they were dead. She thought dramatically.

"Vengeance is not always the solution Nel. Fighting fire with fire is not going to solve anything," he said wisely. "Vengeance both poisons and drains the soul," he advised.

She fought the urge to scoff at his words. Of course, Lupin wouldn't understand. With his kind smiles, chocolates and easy nature. What would Lupin know about vengeance? The scars on his body made her want to think otherwise but his nature was contrasting to his rough appearance.

"I couldn't help it professor. They made me so angry. I was so, so angry. I was so embarrassed. I didn't even realize when - I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew. Everything blew up and everything and everyone was on fire," her voice cracked as she spoke. Lupin gathered her ragged appearance and her words and her words and putting two and two together put together an idea of what had happened. He had a feeling it wouldn't be long before found out.

"Does this happen to you a lot?" Lupin leaned down so that he was at eye level with his student. Magical outbursts induced by rage… His eyes focused on the moles that doted her face. There was something odd about them. He couldn't help but wonder if…

She nodded weakly.

Lupin seemed deep in thought still looking at the constellation of dots on her face. That was no ordinary birth mark. She had been branded with it. With this very powerful curse.

Considering the third-year's boggart was herself… Lupin sensed there was a hindering darkness inside of the girl. He knew she was a Parselmouth. He knew that her wand was made up of terrible omens of death and then there was the hushed-up fact that she could see Therstals. There was no explanation for it. The most Lupin had at this point was a weak theory that could explain the source of her curse.

"Your Patronus," he cocked his head brushing over to a different subject. "What memory did you use?"

She shook her head slightly. There wasn't one particular memory that brought overzealous love and joy to her. Maybe the first time she made magic at Ollivanders or the first time she walked into Diagon Alley. She could've thought of Lucy but thinking about her was too painful. Knowing she had left and never returned or even bothered to contact her had left a deep wound that was still fresh and aching. "I don't think I have one that's good enough."

Lupin hummed for a moment deep in thought. "Try focusing on maybe not on the memory itself, but on the emotion you felt. Seize that emotion and thwart it."

"Professor," Her eyebrows knotted in fear. "That black thing that came out of my wand- what was that?"

"I believe it was a corrupted Patronus," He began. "It's rare but some witches and wizards that are unable to cast Patronuses can instead sometimes cast these dark energies. I did warn you we were dealing with very advanced level magic."

She butted asking what that was. "I believe a corrupted Patronus has the opposite effect that the spell intends. Instead this creature drains the energy of a person and manifests darkness instead of light. It's what Dementors are made out of. Which would be why Harry fainted." He explained.

The two shared an uncomfortable silence.

"What if I can't cast one?" She asked weakly wiping her nose.

"You will," Lupin encouraged gently. "With time. Next time focus on something that elates you. Something that brings you joy." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "But you can't focus on hatred when you do. You can't choose anger and despair over love and joy. I know that sometimes we can't change our natures, but the few choices that we have, we must choose good and make do with the best we can be. Play at our strengths."

She marinated the professor's words taking them in. Looking into the advice he had given.

"Professor, why are you telling me this?" She asked confused. It almost sounded like he actually cared. Like he knew what he was talking about.

"Because like you, I know what it's like to want to be something else."

Nel was about to ask why he had specifically chosen to use the word something, instead of somebody. What did Lupin know? With his easy charm and kind eyes? Why on Earth wouldn't he want to be himself? Everybody (except Slytherin house) seemed to like him just fine.

"Professor Lupin!" A Hufflepuff prefect just barged into the office while rapidly knocking. "All students and teachers are to report to the Great Hall. Sirius Black is in the castle and has attacked the Fat Lady's portrait."

Xxxxx

All students were gathered in the Great Hall and instructed to spend the night there. Females would all sleep on the right and males on the left of the divided hall. The moment a swollen faced Nel walked into the hall she saw Theodore and Tracey exchange a look and rush to her with concern but before they could get close Snape seized the girl by the arm roughly and dragged her down the dungeons to her office.

"Two students are in the Hospital Ward and it is all your fault!" He scolded roughly as they walked his demeanor completely contrasting to Professor Lupin's.

Snape didn’t let her go until they were inside his office. He walked around his desk and picked up a folded newspaper that had a moving picture of the destroyed wall of the Three Broomsticks.

"Because of you two of my students were injured. Three if you include yourself!" He reprimanded. "Blew up the Three Broomsticks!" He shouted.

She looked at his angry face, at the way his pupils seemed to shrink with anger, and she could feel the tears beginning to swell again. "It-It wasn't my fault," she protested weekly her voice cracking.

"What were you thinking?!" He shouted once again slamming the newspaper loudly against his desk.

"I didn't mean to," She said weakly, eyes scanning around the room seeking for a way out. Almost praying somebody would pray come save her from Professor's Snape wrath.

"Madame Rosemerta is not pleased. Because of you the school has to pay for severe damages that were made to a historical landmark! You inconsiderate, thoughtless, irresponsible girl. You could've killed someone!"

She felt it again. That hot anger pulsing through her body. The type that made her hands shake and her head hurt.

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" She finally snapped.

Several vials in the room that held potions and other ingredients rattled for a second before exploding making glass shards fly everywhere. She looked at them fearfully. Her breathing harsh, small chest heaving as she was confused by her brief moment of rage.

"Just as I thought," His shoulders relaxed, and his tone became smooth. Just what was he playing at with his sudden behavioral change.

Once again, the tears had begun to stream down her face. She wiped them away furiously.

"It seems like your outbursts lead to an abrupt destruction of your surroundings… And those in them…" He lowered his head deep in thought a curtain of dark hair hiding his face. "I expect it has to do with your lack of self-control over your woeful adolescent emotions." "I didn't mean to…" She said more quietly. Her arms rounding around her body as she hugged herself.

Snape leaned over his desk. "Control your emotions," He said rather harshly.

"I'm just so angry all the time!"

"Apply yourself Saintday," He said sternly. It was a harsh slap back to reality after having come from Lupin's warm office.

"Sir, why am I like this?" She cried.

As always Snape dismissed her without another word. "We'll finish this conversation later. Elowen from now on you are to report to my office after class every Tuesday and Thursday." He said reaching inside of his dark robes and pulling out a handkerchief and handing it to her.

“I have also already heard Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Zabini’s version of the events that transpired at Hogsmeade. As a punishment they are to report to detention with me for an insufferable amount of time...” He almost made it sound as if it was more of a punishment for him instead of the two boys. “As to you, you are banned from all future trips to Hogsmeade and from the Three Broomsticks until further notice. Thank your lucky stars Madame Rosemerta has chosen not to bring this up with the Ministry of Magic or press charges and surprisingly neither has Mr. Malfoy…” Snape trailed off suspiciously as he looked down at his hand and opened and closed it in the oddest fashion.

It was no shock that Mr. My-Father-Will-Be-Hearing-About-This had already written to daddy dearest to inform him of whatever had happened at Hogsmeade. What was shocking was that Lucius Malfoy, the man who had personally made it his crusade to have Hagrid’s hippogriff executed, was not suing her. This man had decided to have a government serve capital punishment to a magical creature because it bruised his only son’s arm and he wasn’t going to do anything to the girl that actually set him on fire and almost killed him?

It was unsettling and out of character. So was his odd behavior towards her. His intrigue and fascination towards the young Slytherin. Which lead Ned to question and wonder just what exactly did Lucius Malfoy know that she didn’t?

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iheardarumorxxx · 4 years ago

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Midnight Sun, Chapter 8 - Ghost

Guess who’s stalking Bella again? Did you guess dumbass Edward? If so, go get yourself a cookie bc you earned it.

He straight up calls Bella the object of his obsession right out of the gate. He also says ‘love’ but I don’t buy it. This is still not love and nothing he does is going to convince me otherwise.

It’s sunny in Forks, so the Cullens are making themselves scarce in order to avoid the humans finding out about their sparkle skin. And despite the fact that everyone makes a big deal out of the sparkle skin, can we talk for a second about the fact that, in the series proper at least, it never really matters after that initial reveal (which I can not WAIT to get to in this book to hear all about how angsty Eddie feels about his body glitter). But seriously. The big reveal in the meadow harps on it, but then it is rarely brought up again, and not at all in times when it would matter. The big ‘climax’ (insomuch as it is) in New Moon is about Eddie exposing his body glitter to the people in Italy, but right before that, Alice and Bella get on a plane to go stop him and Alice isn’t causing a full on disco party in the cabin. It is, at best, an inconsequencial plot point strictly for the first book (and this one, as it’s companion piece) and very rarely ever brought up again.

That was a tangent, moving on.

Moving on to shitting on Mike Newton again, apparently. Eddie (And Bella in her own book) just can not leave this poor boy alone. Literally all he ever did was have a crush on a girl.

I accidentally uprooted the young spruce tree

Jesus, Eddie. Like, for one thing, I’m glad you can’t expose your sparkle skin, otherwise I might worry about poor Mike’s head. But that poor tree didn’t deserve your ire. It honestly is so scary tho, just how fucking strong SM made these vamps, combined with Eddie’s clearly violent tendencies and quick temper.

to steal her away from the boy that I hated so much in this moment I could have kill him and enjoyed it.

There are two things extremely wrong here. I probably don’t even need to point them out to you, but I’m gonna anyway, because we all surely know how much I love my rants at this point.

1) He literally just said he could kill Mike and enjoy it. He would be happy to murder this poor, innocent teenage boy who’s only crime is having a crush on a girl that Eddie also likes. Think for a second about the fact that Eddie has had all of four conversations with Bella at this point, and has been extremely nasty and condescending to her during at least three of them, up to and including outright laughing at her. But Mike is the one that deserves outright murder.

2) He wants to steal her away. Literally Edward is talking about kidnapping Bella to get her away from Mike. He is not, in fact, taking her agency and autonomy into consideration when he thinks this. He isn’t thinking about Bella and what she wants. He is only thinking about himself and what he wants. He is only thinking about what would make him happy. He doesn’t give two flying shits about Bella, about whether or not she would want to be taken out of the situation she’s in or if she is actually enjoying her conversation with this person who, for all outward appearance, is her friend. He is simply thinking about how his feefees are hurt because Mike is talking to her and how he wants that to stop right now immediately.

I will deduct a couple of points from Mike for being so oblivious to Jessica’s crush on him. I mean, teenage boy dumb, sure, but Jessica is not subtle about it, and went so far as to ask him to that dumb dance. Still think they’re way too hard on him, tho.

And Eddie just kinda spends the school day jumping from brain to brain to keep tabs on Bella. Which is still creepy by the way. He is most happy when he can spy on her through Angela, because Angela is a soft, nice girl who has no personality of her own.

I automatically planned my own surveillance

He’s so casual about stalking her.

Eddie points out that he’s overdoing the stalking and obsessing thing, but as we’ve learned from this book and the four that came before it, if someone admits that what they’re doing is wrong, that just means they get to keep on doing it anyway.

Eddie is impressed that Bella is reading Sense and Sensibility, because clearly she is learned and wise. I wasn’t impressed in Twilight (especially because Bella’s inner monologue showed a clear lack of actual literary understanding of the work) and I’m still not impressed here.

Eddie just goes on ahead and wanders out into the sun after Bella falls asleep in the backyard, despite the fact that it’s a risk and a danger and anyone could see him there. And the bit where he’s sparkling is something, but imagine the scandal in a small town like this for him to be found in Bella’s backyard with her asleep. Even if he wasn’t a sparklePire, there would be gossip in town, because SM made Forks out to be one of those towns where everyone knows everyone and gossip flies.

He spends a while just hanging out in a tree and listening to Bella and Charlie have dinner, and it’s both creepy as always and boring at the same time. Then we get this line:

And then I left, knowing I would return when she was asleep.

I’m gonna harp on this forever guys. Eddie is creepy as fuck. He’s out here straight up stalking this poor girl, who is none the wiser. Watching her sleep every single night, spying on her most intimate and vulnerable moments. Even he admits that it’s wrong, but just keeps on doing it, not letting her have any privacy, and touting that it’s all in the name of love. I hate this guy so much, but even more than that, I’m actually genuinely afraid of Edward Cullen. He reminds me of my own possessive and emotionally manipulative ex. He gives me the vibes of every PSA ever about domestic abuse. More than the anger, he just makes me so uncomfortable.

Jasper’s human eatin’ friends are leaving, and are saying their goodbyes to the family when Eddie gets home before his stalking trip after Bella in Port Angles. Instead of being a polite person, he heads inside and starts moodily banging on the piano, basically for the entire time they’re there and saying their goodbyes. Inconsiderate jerk. He offers them a goodbye as they’re leaving and then immediately heads out to go stalk Bella, and that’s the end of the chapter.

I know what the next chapter is. I’ve seen the quotes. And I can’t wait to rip into it.

As always, feel free to shoot me a message or DM to chat or recommend what book I should recap next. Feel free to buy me a snack using the CashApp cash tag in my bio, and I’ll see you guys for the next one.

#sierra recaps stuff #midnight sun #midnight sun spoilers #twilight #ms chapter 8

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rachelillustrates · 4 years ago

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Story analysis time again!!

So I finally got to watch “Trolls World Tour” and I have a lot of thoughts/feelings.

(Mind you, my thoughts and feelings are all scattered and biased due to obsessively pausing to check how the election is going with a stone settling in my heart at how effing close it is. So I acknowledge that and may need to do a re-watch to really process how I feel about it. But I still need help processing my emotions right now, so here we are..)

Anyway.

I....think? I enjoyed it?

Spoilers absolutely follow, as well as some swearing.

I will admit that the initial establishment of Rock Trolls as the Bad Guys really bothered me. I know that’s not what ended up being the whole truth, but I am tired of that. I feel like it’s treated as a “dependable” trope, but its really just an exhausted one now, I say from my perspective of having seen rock-style ‘bad boys’ painted as dangerous enemies over and over and over again. It feels so sugar-coated mainstream and ignores what draws people to rock as a genre of self expression in the first place, and I feel like that could have been better set up, if they HAD to choose to go that route - obviously, per the plot twist later, they were in a reactive place based on what had been done to them and all other Trolls by the Pop Trolls of old. But we’re not given any hint of that information, beforehand. On that note, in the face of that scene towards the end, when Poppy’s been kidnapped by Barb and Barb commiserates with her over the pressures of having to prove yourself a worthy queen, WHY DIDN’T THEY GIVE US HINTS OF THAT EARLIER TOO? Maybe they did and I didn’t catch it, or maybe they meant to, with how “meh” her people seemed to be in the scenes we were shown of them. But I definitely didn’t get that vibe, at least on this first watch.

I also think that, as much as I love me some Broppy (as they are very, very my Wife and I), the idea of him suddenly having to confess his love for her was confusing - he technically did that, already, in the cooking pot scene in the first movie, so why did he have to clarify that now? I feel like that could have been avoided - if they were gonna go this route - in the first movie by having Poppy reciprocate it in the cooking pot scene, OR in this film, having him say “I’m in love with you, Queen Poppy,” instead of “I love you, Queen Poppy.”

....That said, my tiny fangirl heart is still jumping up and down with glee.

My only other complaint is that they harshed on jazz pretty heavily, and I think that’s massively inconsiderate, what with the Awesome Big Plot Twist that Pop culturally appropriated from all the other music styles and that’s what led to the Trolls splitting up. That’s clearly an (amazing) commentary on white cultural appropriation of everyone/everything else on the planet. I am stoked that they included that.

BUT jazz is a big part of black culture and musical development and I think it was inappropriate for them to have portrayed Chaz the way they did (and have a white dude voice him, too).

I think that was a significant misstep, but again, I am relieved and grateful that they addressed cultural appropriation at all - and that they addressed toxic positivity, a bit, with Poppy’s character growth. One of my only complaints about the first movie is that her positivity is OFTEN harmful to Branch, and being married to an introvert myself, I know that some of the things Poppy did to Branch in movie 1 would have been extremely hurtful and invalidating to my Wife if I pulled that shit. So - in light of that, I am VERY glad they addressed how Poppy’s focus on only listening to her own optimism is actually a negative trait and not okay.

I also loved the side-plot of Cooper finding his family - design wise, I was curious as to why he was the only one with that kind of build, and I think it was a beautiful story and led perfectly into the cultural appropriation reveal. And the fact that even after finding them, he still acknowledged the Pop Trolls as his people - his family - as well. was a great continuing note about found family (a vibe which continues from the first movie, honestly, considering how Poppy treated her friends there and how most of the Pop Trolls treat each other).

And of course, I LOOOOOOOVED the fact that we saw a masculine-presenting-character reproduce asexually ON SCREEN.

WHAT??? ❤

It may not have been plot relevant. and Tiny Diamond may have existed mostly to play up the cute factor of the movie in a humorous way, BUT all the other characters took his birth seriously - which means its not uncommon for this to happen, which leads ME to believe that ALL Trolls can do this. Which means, really, that gender doesn’t mean to the Trolls what it means to us - if all Trolls can reproduce asexually, the heteronormative binary means nothing. The door is opened for gender to be what it really is - a learned, fluid thing that each Troll decides for themselves. I would propose that that means all Trolls are built the same physically, too, so there is no real “male” or “female” for them. Pronouns are chosen for what each individual feels is right for them (as it should be!!). Which honestly means that even heterosexual-looking relationships aren’t really heterosexual at all - romantic partners would be chosen not by gendered expectations, but by whichever Troll they fall in love with regardless of that expression. So, not only does the birth of Tiny Diamond exist as queer representation in and of it itself, it queers ALL the Trolls and opens up the door for all other kinds of queer rep (not to mention Queen Barb’s Epic Lesbian Energy!).

Granted, I haven’t seen much of “The Beat Goes On” yet, but I have a feeling that upon watching that through the lens of what Tiny Diamond’s birth revealed, the world of the Trolls will continue to be a queer-friendly and queer-safe space.

And of course, as a Faerie story (since, it being about faerie creatures, makes it so automatically), it’s already queer-inclusive as it is. The fae exist in a liminal space, and being queer is a liminal experience a lot of the time. So this only adds to that already established Truth, as does the fact that we get different faerie-types of Trolls in this film. In addition to the standard, bipedal Troll form (and arguably, the Bergens too), we get Mermaid-Trolls (Techno) and Centaur-Trolls (Country) and nearly Faerie-Horse or Unicorn energy with the shape of the Funk Trolls. So, making this series even more Faerie, AND more officially queer? Yes please.

All in all, now that I’ve written all this out, I AM pleased. I wish they had done certain things better, made more considerate choices, but the messages of the film - both overt and subtle - were just as positive as in the first movie.

Absolutely looking forward to watching it again and seeing more of the Trolls universe unfold 🤘

#trolls #dreamworks trolls #queer #faerie #meta #review #fangirling #lgbt #lgbtq #queer representation #lgbtqia #lgbt representation #cultural appropriation #trolls 2

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ykiyori · 4 years ago

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Social Abuse and Communication Abuse: Abuse that will affect the way socialize and see yourself within a social group, and the way you’re able to express and communicate. Bold or copy ones done to you, italicize and copy if you’re not sure! Alternatively, just count how many apply to you and write down the numbers.

Communication abuse:

abuser punishing you for not showing enough interest in what they’re saying

abuser deciding what are appropriate reactions to their words and actions

abuser humiliating you for showing excitement/happiness

abuser shaming you for not showing will to participate when they think you should

abuser punishing you for a certain face expression(s)

abuser punishing you for having a certain emotional reaction to their words and actions

abuser demanding you shut down your emotions except for the ones they find convenient

abuser punishing you for contradicting them/challenging them on anything they say

abuser punishing you for confronting them on their lies

abuser comparing you to others to point out how you’re lacking/somehow worse than everyone else

abuser using any kind of inexperience/lack of knowledge/lack of skill to humiliate and depict you as a failure or an idiot

abuser making you extremely self-conscious about how you look and sound while you’re trying to socialize/communicate

abuser making you feel like everyone is noticing the same faults in you

abuser forcing you to consider how you’re viewed by them to the point of being unable to focus on what you want to say/express/do

abuser watching you when you’re not aware of it and proceeding to humiliate/hurt you for what you were doing while you thought you were unwatched

abuser making you feel like you’re always watched and judged by repeatedly catching you off guard and punishing you for it

abuser disregarding all your expressions of needs and emotions, letting you know that what you want and need is not important, and making you feel stupid for even voicing it

abuser ignoring your expression of pain or repeatedly insisting that you stop expressing it, have no reason to express it and finding your expression of pain an annoyance or a bother or even an attack on them

abuser hurting you even worse in reaction to your expression of pain, convincing you that the more you express it, the more they will hurt you, effectively making you scared of expressing pain and connecting it to further punishments

abuser taking your expressions of emotions as a personal insult and accusing you of hurting them on purpose, or even punishing you for it, just for expressing your personal emotions

Social abuse:

abuser showing off their control and authority over you in front of others

abuser humiliating you in front of others

abuser ordering you around, minimizing your presence and importance, and twisting your words and expressions in front of others

abuser talking in your name to others and making decisions for you

abuser making you seem selfish/cruel/inconsiderate/rude/mean to others if you disagree with their decisions

abuser publicly criticizing your appearance, actions, achievements or problems

abuser talking as if they’re the absolute authority on who you are and what your potential is

abuser talking about you to others as if you’re beneath them, and as if it’s okay to ignore your needs and interests completely, and not feel guilty or concerned about it

abuser encouraging and succeeding in having other people approve of abuse/perpetuate the abuse as well

abuser convincing other people the abuse is for your own good and getting validation for it

abuser having people on their side and rutting them against you

abuser successfully convincing other people you’re just trying to get attention and they should ignore you

abuser spreading information about you to your peers/friends/teachers that humiliates, ridicules, invalidates or villainaizes you

abuser painting a picture of you as a liar, hysterical, too emotional, delusional, crazy, unstable and not to be trusted in order to make sure you will not be believed when you try to speak out against them, or about any issue that bothers you

abuser telling others about abuse and trauma you’ve been thru without your permission/blaming the symptoms you show on trauma of their choosing

abuser telling others you’re abusive/selfish and twisting your intentions and actions to vilify you

abuser telling others about your mental illness, sexual orientation or other sensitive personal information that can easily be used against you, without your permission

abuser isolating you from your friends, support, and community and convincing you that nobody will stand on your side when it matters

abuser punishing you for who you choose to include in your social life and finding ways to make you regret it in order to dictate who you’re allowed to talk to

abuser stalking/eavesdropping/invading your privacy and using information they found against you/to control you

abuser convincing you that even people you thought care about you couldn’t possibly care because of who you are as a person, and shaming you for thinking for a second that you could be lovable to someone

abuser reacting to anything you say as if it was a stupid and unnecessary thing to say, and using it as a proof of you being of less intelligence

abuser continually reminding you how badly will others think of you if you continue doing what they disapprove of

abuser continually finding something wrong with you and pointing out how will others react to it if you don’t change it

abuser lying to you about what others have said about you/what they think of you

abuser deciding how others perceive you and what they think of you

abuser deciding what your place is in society and reminding you to “know your place” if you act outside the role

abuser displaying anger and punishing you if others give you positive attention

abuser denying others the chance to give you positive attention (taking their attention, getting them away from you, interrupting and starting a new topic when they’re trying to talk to you)

abuser making a show of caring about you, only to change it into ridicule and humiliation

abuser putting you in situation they already know is going to end up in public humiliation

abuser having you spend time in an abusive and hostile environment, being forced to endure socializing with people who will take any chance to attack and emotionally abuse you, without the ability to confront them or escape

abuser forcing you to change what you think of yourself based on how they see you, having you look at yourself only from their point of view and deciding it’s who you are

abuser taking away your means of communication (phone, internet, and any other means you would usually use to communicate with others)

If you bold more than 5 of these, you’ve been abused and sabotaged from ever establishing a healthy way of expressing, communicating and socializing with others. In other words, no you’re not bad at expressing, you’re not bad at communication, you’re not at fault for struggling to socialize, this was done to you to sabotage you from ever having a healthy start. (also if you’re struggling with social anxiety it’s very likely abuse has played a part in it, or at least made it worse)

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chantelle-x0x · 6 years ago

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It’s Getting Hard - Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

A/N: It’s been a hot minute! So I know this took a while and I apologise for the wait, but I lacked motivation to write and I thought a fic like this needed all of my brain working, so here it is! This is my fic for @tropicalcap who had a writing challenge. Sorry it took a while, but here it is! Thank you so much for letting me be part of this and congratulations on your milestone! My song prompt was ‘Are We Alone’ by Coin. This is a one-shot! I also interpreted one of the lines ‘Don't wanna dance in the dark’ in a different way. Enough of a A/N now!

Disclaimer: **All characters besides Reader, belongs to Marvel (MCU)**

Word count: 3,171 (including lyrics)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

MCU Characters: Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Rhodey, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark (mentioned), Bucky (mentioned), Sam (mentioned), Wanda (mentioned), Peter Parker (mentioned), Shuri (mentioned), T’challa (mentioned), Vision (mentioned), Fury (mentioned)

Rating: PG13+

Warnings: Angst, sadness, light drinking, IW spoilers, careless Steve, probably a little OOC for Steve but yeah.

Summery: Your anniversary doesn’t go to plan, and then the day after doesn’t either. Your relationship is like a rocking boat at the moment and you’re trying to keep yourself at bay, but it’s getting hard.

(Gif not mine - it’s a huge gif whoops)

You’re disconnected Staring down at your phone Some company you are Across the table In that unflattering glow How did you get so far?

Even though the snap happened only a little while ago, you were celebrating your one year anniversary with Steve. It wasn’t easy the past couple of months since Steve had been so disconnected, but you made it work. He never let himself be Steve anymore either, he was almost always Captain America. The few times he did let his guard down, it was only ever with Nat. It hurt, of course it did. Natasha and Steve had a friendship that was strong, and only strengthened after everything happened, but that didn’t mean that you felt okay. Yes, it was good that Steve was talking to someone, but you would much prefer if he would talk to you. Tonight though, you had a spectacular evening planed.

As you were lost in thought as to what to wear with what was in your wardrobe, Steve knocked on your shared room door. ‘It’s fine to come in.’ You said, now turning around as the door opened. ‘You don’t have to knock on the door Steve, it’s your room too.’ You sighed, walking towards the bed to sit down in front of him.

‘Banner said that we have a device that was Fury’s. They’re hooking it up to find the power source and figure out what it actually is.’

‘That’s awesome! We could actually get some more help.’ Steve nodded in agreement before walking to what you had set out for him to wear.

‘We going somewhere?’ He asked with a confused frown. A sad pang hit you heavily, but you brushed it away, making yet another excuse for him in your head.

‘Mmm-hmm. We have a reservation at that place in Brooklyn that you said looked as though it hadn’t changed a bit since before the ice.’ The way Steve cocked his head to the side knocked down that last, thin layer of hope you held out. ‘For our anniversary.’ You said, laying back hard on your bed with a deep sigh and your eyes closed. You felt the bed dip beside you after a few seconds, and your hand was graced with a warm presence.

‘I’m so sorry doll, I completely forgot.’ Steve whispered. ‘I’ve been so preoccupied with everything lately, I wasn’t paying attention to the dates.’ You shrugged, still not opening your eyes; you knew that if you did, you wouldn’t be able to let those held in tears, stay held in.

‘It’s fine.’ You said simply in response. Steve’s movements were so swift, your brain took a second to realise what he was doing, but before you knew it, Steve had you sitting in his lap, facing him. You let your forehead touch his as a weak smile formed on your face.

‘Forgive me?’ He whispered to you. You kissed his cheek softly,

‘Of course.’

You had just made it in time for your reservation after leaving late that evening. Steve and you had made amends in one of your favourite ways possible, which is why you had high hopes that things were going to get better. When you looked over at your boyfriend, you see this sparkle in his eye, one you hadn’t seen in a long time. ‘Remind you of your pre-serum days?’ You asked as a light smile graced your features. Steve nodded with the biggest smile you’d seen in weeks.

‘Thank you doll.’ His tone was so soft and light, like bringing him to this place rebooted his character. A waiter came to your side and showed you to a small, private booth; somewhere where you’d both go unnoticed, where the music was clear to be heard and the performer was in view but still let you and Steve be together. You ordered a bottle of red for the table, along with what Steve had recommended you both order; Devilled Chicken with Sweet-Sour Carrots on the side.

You didn’t think your anniversary dinner would be awkward, but it was so silent. You suddenly thought to ask him if he had any memories of him and Bucky coming to a place like this in the 30’s, but as you lifted your eyes from the wine in your glass to your partner across from you, you saw that he was 100% not with you. His brows were furrowed as he stared down at his phone. Some company you are tonight. You couldn’t help but think. ‘You’re food’s getting cold Steve.’ You said softly, as you looked at his untouched plate.

‘Hmm, sorry. I just got a message from Rhodey, ‘said that they found some sort of a signal with that little device.’ You hummed in response as you slumped in your seat. Just when you lost all hope in the night, a man about your age, asked for a dance. You looked at Steve, who was probably still having a conversation with the group, for any sign that he wouldn’t want you to dance with this stranger…nothing.

‘I’d love to dance.’ You said instead of answering with a no. You were pulled up gently by this new found man, and he led you gracefully to the dance floor. The dim lights caught the sparkle of your necklace, and your dress twirled around you with every twist and turn. A stunning woman came out to the microphone and started singing a 1940’s swing version of ‘Dancing with a Stranger’. How ironic. You thought with a little chuckle.

‘What’s so funny?’ The young gentleman asked.

‘The song.’ The man looked at you in question. ‘It’s called ‘Dancing with a Stranger’. It’s ironic is all.’ You said sheepishly.

‘I’m Flynn.’ He introduced.

‘Y/N.’ You replied.

‘No longer strangers.’ You both laughed as the song ended. ‘I hope that made your night better. You looked pretty down.’ You smiled and thanked him for the distraction. You exchanged numbers as well, before you left for your table with a smile still plastered on your face.

‘Had fun?’ Steve asked from behind you.

‘I did, thank you.’ You honestly couldn’t tell what Steve was thinking at this point. He was physically a step away, but emotionally and mentally, so far away.

Break my back just to make conversation Pulling teeth just to ask how your day went You're disconnected An inconsiderate mess You've got me all to yourself but

It was too quiet when you were walking around the park near the restaurant. Steve looked like he was in another world, and it really did feel like the most uncomfortable day you’d ever spent with Steve. ‘Are you mad because I danced with Flynn?’ You asked your boyfriend calmly.

‘So that’s his name.’ Steve responded so softly, you probably wouldn’t have heard if you weren’t in the park alone with him.

‘Don’t do that Steve.’ You said with annoyance taking over you a little bit.

‘Don’t do what Y/N?’ He asked in a similar tone to you. ‘You’re the one that danced with a total stranger!’

‘I only danced with him because you were too busy on your phone!’ You both took a small breath to calm yourselves down. ‘I’m sorry that I upset you Steve, but this is not how I wanted today to go. This was meant to be a day where we could relax together. Be together. But it seems that all you want to do is be working.’ You knew you sounded a little whiney and childish, but you had hoped this would be the one day he’d open up to you; such wishful thinking.

‘I’m sorry doll, I just…I really want to get everyone back soon, especially Buck and Sam. I miss them. I lost Bucky again, and I’d do anything to get him back for hopefully, the last time.’

‘While you’re busy doing that, you’re losing me Steve. I can’t keep chasing you and giving you all the space you need, but being there when you need me without getting any love from your side.’ His facial expression turned hard and his jaw clenched.

‘I’m trying Y/N, but if you feel that way, then just break up with me. I’m not going to be the one to do it since I know I care about you a lot, but if you don’t think this is working, you break up with me.’ You know that there are tears falling slowly down your cheeks, but you refused to show that you noticed them.

‘Let’s just go home Steve.’ You say weakly, before walking in front of him.

I see you hiding Behind a flickering screen What did you come here for? And then you light up Who's keeping you company? Don't wanna dance in the dark

When you enter the compound, it’s eerily quiet, all you can hear is Steve walk in behind you and shuffle to a room in the compound. Following him, you enter the lab and see what everyone has been doing for the past couple of hours.

‘This is a nightmare.’ You hear Steve say as he’s looking at the strange paging device.

‘I’ve had better nightmares.’ Nat responds to him. You see Rhodey come in and tell the two of them something. They both sigh before following him into another lab where Bruce is. You keep silent, not sure if your presence was yet noticed by anyone. Like most of the time, Steve and Nat were on the same side to reboot the pager. As they spoke, you were almost knocked off your feet. A blonde lady was now standing in front of Steve as he had turned around. After you offered to make coffee for everyone, you all went to the living room and started to talk to the space lady who’s name you had learned was Carol Danvers.

‘So you’ve known Fury for a long time, why didn’t he recruit you into the Avenger Initiative?’ You asked Carol.

‘I guess he didn’t think I was needed but now, I take he didn’t think that anymore.’ You saw Steve chuckle. This comment made Rhodey get a little annoyed. He voiced your opinion but Carol didn’t back down; you honestly couldn’t fault her for that, in fact, you admired how she was strong to her beliefs. Steve took a fast liking towards her and you could tell that from where you were standing.

After everyone had dispersed for the evening, you went to you and Steve’s shared room and changed into a white t-shirt that belonged to Steve, before hoping into your large bed and picking up the book you’ve been reading, up off your beside-table. Steve entered the room not too long after, and you raised your eyes above the pages. ‘You still mad?’ You asked quietly as he took off his shoes.

‘Are you?’ He responded not looking at you yet, heading into the bathroom. You sighed as you placed the book down and got out off the warm blankets surrounding you. Walking to the bathroom door, you lean on the frame and look at Steve.

‘I wasn’t mad Steve, I was disappointed and maybe a little let down. I just thought that you and I could act as though things were more normal for tonight.’ This is when Steve finally decides to look at you, his features softer.

‘That’s the thing Y/N, we can’t live as though things are normal because they aren’t. As hard as we’re trying to come up with a solution, it hasn’t happened yet; and until it does and we have solved this issue, things aren’t going to be normal.’ You could see the pain Steve was hiding.

‘I’m sorry Stevie. I didn’t realise how bad all the trial and error ideas were effecting you.’ He managed a weak smile, but instead of continuing a conversation, you walked into the bathroom and hugged him tightly; he didn’t take long to reciprocate the hug. After a while, you let Steve get out off his clothes before he climbed into bed beside you. This is when he checked his phone and a smile graced his face. ‘Something happen?’ You ask your boyfriend.

‘Carol got a new phone and she’s now in the Avenger group chat.’ You hummed in response, trying so hard not to get jealous. You kissed Steve before turning on your side with your back to him, and fell asleep. You woke up to your boyfriend still on his phone. You picked up yours to see the time; almost 3:00 AM. He had a smile on his lips and you sighed then rolled over, whispering his name. You leaned up on your elbows and rested your head on his shoulder.

‘What are you doing Steve? It’s almost 3 in the morning.’ Your voice was soft and quiet.

‘Sorry doll, I got carried away with talking to Carol. She found out about the language thing.’ You laughed lightly as he showed you the message.

‘Can you put the phone down now Stevie?’ You asked in a whisper as you kissed the crook of his neck lightly. The truth is, you didn’t mind Carol at all, but you did mind that she had just met Steve and he was closer to her in a day compared to you, who had been with him for a year and known him even longer. Steve turned off his phone and set it on the table beside him, before stretching. You took his hand in yours and entwined them together. His thumb rubbed the top of your hand, before he pulled you closer to him. You kissed him gently and he quickly reciprocated, before he pulled you so close that space wasn’t known between you two, and kissed you deeper and harder. Before anything could happen though, Steve pulled away and sighed.

‘We have a lot to do tomorrow Y/N, we should probably go to sleep.’ You couldn’t help the disappointment that settled in you, but you did roll back to your side of the bed and tried to fall asleep again, but it didn’t descend on you, so instead, you went to find Tony’s ��secret” stash of single malt whiskey. This was where he kept the few bottles the two of you shared on your sleepless nights; it was always fun together.

Why are you hiding? An inconsiderate mess

You sat on a chair that was in the dim room and finally let your emotions out. One by one, tears started to fall. You cried for Tony, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Shuri, Peter, T’challa, Vision and Fury. You cried because you hadn’t done that yet. You’d been so wrapped up in making sure Steve was okay, you completely forgot about your own mental health and how you felt. You also cried because you knew you were losing Steve. It wasn’t a secret anymore, not to you anyway. Maybe you stayed because he had already lost so much. Did you feel obligated to do it? You weren’t manipulated to stay, he did tell you to break up with him if you wanted to. Everything became too much at this point, and you had to let it all out, so what better place to do so than the place you shared with Tony. Tony was like a father figure to you. He was your dad’s best friend, but when your dad passed when you were a young child, Tony took you in. You were glad he had taken you under his wing instead of your mother, she left for a reason, a reason you still didn’t know. If you lost Tony, that would kill you. Peter was like a little brother to you. You always laughed and joked around. He taught you everything his suit could do and even locked you in your room once because you lost a bet to him. Bucky and Sam never failed to make you laugh and you missed their companionship. Their constant bickering always made for some good, live reality TV. Wanda was your best friend. She always knew what to say and encouraged you to do things that pushed you out off your shell. Vision and you would work together on your knowledge. You loved learning, so you and him would sit together and just talk about things that were going on around the world; he’d inform you of issues and you’d do research and tell him all about your finds. T’challa and Shuri, although you had barley met them before they were taken, they were good people, they fought for everyone just like the Avengers. Thinking all of this made you chuck back the drink and pour another as you felt the burn going down your oesophagus. You tasted the salt of your tears before you downed the remnants of your second drink before leaving for your bathroom.

A headache from the crying, late night and alcohol made you need to take some medicine so that you’d be clear for the day ahead. Coming out off the bathroom after a shower and brushing your teeth, you dressed into your suit (just in case), before bumping into Steve.

Are we alone? Your eyes are staring vacantly Oh are you even listening at all? There's no one here but you and me So tell me, would you rather be alone? Would you rather be alone? Would you rather be alone?

‘Mornin’ doll. Where were you this morning?’ Steve asked, curiously.

‘I went to a place in the compound that Tony and I used to go to together…when we couldn’t sleep.’ Steve just nodded.

‘Just wanted to make sure you were okay.’ He said beginning to head into the bathroom.

‘You know Steve, you never asked me how I was after the snap.’ You said, the alcohol probably giving you a boost of confidence.

‘You seemed fine.’ He said casually.

‘Well, I wasn’t.’ You let the anger and hurt bubble inside of you, prepared to let it out like a fiery dragon.

‘Okay, how are you then?’ He asked monotony.

‘I could be better.’ You replied sharply. ‘I have a really crappy boyfriend that pays little to no attention to me, half of the people I consider my family are gone, and I might have lost the only parent figure I had because of stupid Thanos! How do you think I’m feeling Steven?’ Your shouts becoming louder as you finished talking. Steve looked at you with a guilty look.

‘I didn’t realise that doll. I’m so sorry that I’ve been so neglecting and distant.’

‘As much as I’d love to accept your apology Steve, I just don’t think you mean that. You’ve said sorry so many times over the last 24 hours, it’s starting to become meaningless.’ You begin to walk out the door, but right before you do, you look Steve right in the eyes, your eyes tearing up, and say, ‘Rhetorical question Steve, but, would you rather be alone?’

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If you’d like to be part of my permanent Marvel tag list or an individual character tag list, let me know!

My blog has the links to my Masterlist, Fic Request Guidlines and Prompts and my AO3.

Permanent tag list: @the-everlasting-dream, @rousetta, @fuckyourgondola, @whiskey-cokenfanfic

#steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers imagines #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fic #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #avengers imagines #avengers: endgame #angst #reader insert #tropicalcapsongchallenge #steve rogers x you

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allisondraste · 5 years ago

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Temperance (23/?)

Pairing: Nathaniel Howe/ Female, Non-HoF Cousland

Story Summary: Nathaniel and Elissa were childhood friends, but time and distance tore them apart. In the aftermath of the Fifth Blight, and Ferelden’s Civil War, both Elissa and Nathaniel must attempt reconstruct their tattered lives. As a series of events lead them to be reunited, both are reminded of so many years ago when things were much simpler.

Chapter Summary: After nine years apart, Liss finally sees Nathaniel again. She only wishes that it were under different circumstances.

First Chapter Previous Chapter [AO3 LINK]

Fereldan Countryside, 9:31 Dragon

“I suppose I owe you an explanation, an apology,” Alistair announced suddenly, breaking the oppressive silence that stretched endlessly between he and Liss ever since they left Highever, “Both, maybe?”

Liss sighed. Days of navigating treacherous emotional terrain first with the kiss, her traumatic return home, and the resurgence of whatever it was she felt for Nathaniel, left her nearly numb. It had been nice to see Fergus and to hear his dumb brother advice that wasn’t actually so dumb. Still, nothing would change the fact that Highever felt more like a graveyard than a home. She was tired, and she didn’t really want to talk about anything, especially not her now complicated relationship with Alistair.

“Not anymore than I owe you,” she replied, fingers tightening around the reins in her hand.

“Call it even then?” He raised his eyebrows, grinning in what she knew to be feigned hopefulness.

“I don’t think that’s how this works.”

“I’m not sure how any of this is supposed to work,” he grumbled, “If the past few months haven’t been a testament to that, then nothing is.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Liss asserted.

“Am I?” There was a bite, an annoyance in his voice that stung, though it wasn’t directed at her. He was quiet for a moment and then he sighed. “I haven’t exactly been honest with you about my relationship with the Warden-Comm— with Lucia.”

He said her name as if it were a prayer, all previous anger toward her drained from his voice, leaving only a somber reverence. It was how Oriana’s name sounded when Fergus talked about her now. Liss’ heart ached, guilt throbbing in her chest. How had she not seen it before? How had she not realized? Alistair wasn’t just heartbroken. He was grieving.

“You love her,” she said, offering him a small smile when he darted his eyes to her. “You didn’t have to tell me that.”

“That obvious, huh?” He laughed and shook his head, a pained expression crossing his face.

Liss watched him for a minute before speaking again. “Why did she leave?”

“The Blight took its toll, in more ways than either of us expected. She dealt with it the only way she knew how… I guess.” He shrugged. “I just wish, well, I don’t know what I wish. I miss her. I want to see her again and I don’t know how she feels, or if—”

He choked, his voice raw and jaw set. The poor man. She did not need to imagine how he felt because she knew, something she’d very vocally acknowledged in her outburst on the way to Highever. She cared for Alistair, and she never meant to cause him more pain.

“I’m sorry I kissed you,” she stated firmly, eyes trained on the road ahead, too ashamed to see his reaction, “It was selfish and inconsiderate. I knew better. It’s just that… it felt good to not feel so alone.”

“Liss, you really don’t have to apologize for that. I had just as much of a part in what happened as you did, and I could have stopped it at any time.” Alistair let out a heavy sigh and continued. “It was lovely. You’re lovely, but—”

“But I’m not her.” Liss turned her head to face him, smirking. “Nobody will ever be her.”

“I’m so sorry if I hurt you.”

She shook her head. “Not hurt. Just embarrassed, but that will go away with time, I think.”

“I hope we can still be friends, in spite of, well… everything.” He smiled that crooked smile of his and exhaled a shaky breath.

“If I’m honest, I’d be happy to pretend it never happened,” she said, laughing more nervously than she would have liked. Alistair just smiled and nodded affirmatively.

Having shed some of the weight from their shoulders, the remainder of the return trip to Denerim passed by quickly. Conversation flowed easily between Liss and Alistair once again, filling the air between them with banter and laughter, the things she’d always appreciated the most from him. It was early evening when they reached the city, tired horses and tireder bodies welcoming the end of the journey that felt much longer than it actually was. They had been away for days, and yet it felt like a lifetime.

Once the horses were handed off to servants to be stabled, Liss and Alistair made their way inside the palace, and into the vestibule that led into numerous hallways, including the throne room. As had become their custom in the months that they had both lived in the castle, they stopped in the vestibule to say their good evenings. The air between them was awkward, stiffer than it had ever been, even when they just met. Alistair scratched the back of his head and Liss turned her gaze to the ground.

“Well, this is—“ Liss began, but was interrupted as Alistair hugged her abruptly, squeezing almost too tightly. She wrapped her arms around him in return.

“Thank you, Liss,” he said softly, “For everything.”

“I haven’t done anything except make a fool of myself,” she laughed and pulled back to look at him.

“You helped me feel better when I would have been perfectly comfortable pouting and hating myself,” he admitted, “You have been a good friend.”

“So have you.” Liss smiled briefly and moved to place a brief, chaste kiss on his lips. Alistair’s cheeks flushed a bit, but he smiled warmly nonetheless.

Then, he jumped, body tensing at a loud clatter at the opposite end of the room, the sound of glass shattering. Before Liss could even look to see what had made the sound, he tore himself away from her abruptly and her heart sank. His eyes were fixed on the far side of the room, wide and watering, fists clenched at his side. She followed his gaze to a dark-haired woman dressed in armor she knew to belong to the Grey Wardens. Even at a distance, she looked so tired and sad.

“Luce,” Alistair muttered, breathlessly, but the woman didn’t say anything. The Commander of the Grey had impeccable timing.

“Oy,” Liss remarked, “This looks bad.”

It was then that she shifted her gaze from Lucia to the Warden who knelt beside her, deliberately focused on picking up the shards of glass from the floor, as if it were his solemn duty. He had familiar dark hair that hung around his face, hiding his features. It was probably ridiculous that she recognized him by the top of his head. Were it anyone else she probably couldn’t have. Nathaniel was different.

She took a few steps forward tilting her head in an effort to get a better look at his face, just to be certain.

“Nate,” she asked, stomach twisting into knots. He looked up at her immediately, as if he’d been waiting for her to say something. Knowing him, he probably had.

He smiled at her so gently she thought she might break, dropped the glass shards he’d been holding, and stood up.

“Hi, Liss.”

Stubborn tears welled in her eyes as she fought the overwhelming urge to run to him. She should be angry with him for never writing and for showing up now, so casual as if there weren’t nine years between them, as if nothing had changed. Everything had changed. He had never written to her. There were nine years between them now, and yet she still wanted to run to him, to feel his arms around her, comforting her as he always had.

So she did. She ran to him, tears breaking free and falling from her eyes as she threw her arms around his neck. He didn’t flinch or stiffen up as she expected him to, but simply took a step back so as to not fall down from the force and suddenness of the embrace, and wrapped his arms around her just as tightly.

Liss buried her face into the curve between his neck and shoulder, and the rest of the world fell away. There was no Denerim, no palace, no Alistair or Lucia staring in confused silence as she knew they had to be. There was only her and Nate, together in the same room for the first time in entirely too long.

After a brief moment, Nate cleared his throat and began to pull away from her. She prepared to be hurt, but when she looked up at him, he had turned his head to look at Lucia, her tired eyes asking him for something she didn’t say aloud.

Liss glanced back at Alistair who smiled sadly. Embarrassment poured over her and her cheeks burned hot. Maker, she had kissed Alistair just as Lucia and Nate walked in, hadn’t she? They’d seen and now she had just thrown herself into Nate’s arms. Damn her and her stupid impulsivity. She thought the guilt might strangle her, and then Nate tugged at her arm.

“I’m going to go—“ he hesitated— “Replace these flasks before the apothecary closes. Do you want to come?”

Liss met his gaze, then looked between Lucia and Alistair before looking back at Nate and nodding. “Yes, please.”

Nate nodded at Lucia and turned to open the door, holding it open for Liss to walk through, before following behind her.

“The apothecary, huh,” Liss asked as they walked out into the courtyard, “You know, I just read a book about an apothecary who falls in love with a beautiful Templar.”

“We don’t actually have to go to the apothecary… unless you want to,” Nate said with a smirk, ignoring her comment about the book, “I just figured the Commander and Alistair might need some privacy to talk.”

“The vestibule is not exactly private.”

“No,” he sighed, eyes pointed at her like daggers, “It isn’t.”

“Right.” She brought her hands to her face and dropped her head. “I’m just going to go throw myself down a well.”

To her surprise, Nate laughed, and she gathered the courage to look at him again. His eyes were closed and he shook his head. “Please don’t.”

“No, no, really it’ll be best for everyone,” she said with a laugh even though it didn’t feel quite as funny as she hoped. The lump in her throat wasn’t helping. Nor were the tears that had returned to her eyes. Damn it.

Nate touched her shoulder and she looked up at him, a single tear rolling down her cheek. She took a deep breath and attempted to compose herself. It would be so easy to break down into a mess of tears, to spill her guts to him, but this was not how she wanted their reunion to be.

“I’m sorry. I am quite a mess,” she explained, sniffing a bit. “I just got back from Highever, and—“

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“But—“

“I spent months thinking you were dead, that Father—,” he trailed off — “It is good to see you. Mess or not.”

“It’s good to see you, too,” she replied.

Nate inhaled deeply, and looked out toward the city. “We have quite a bit to discuss, don’t we?”

“Mhmm.”

“Are you up for a drink?” He turned to look at her.

“I’m up for several,” Liss remarked dryly.

“Me too,” Nate admitted with a sigh. “Which tavern shall we grace with our presence then?”

A smile twitched on her lips and she waved for him to follow her down into the Market District. There were several taverns in town, but The Gnawed Noble had become Liss’ personal favorite, especially since the Landsmeet ended, and all of the disgruntled nobility left with it. The tavern was closest to the palace and right at the heart of the market, and it was particularly clean compared to some of the other places. It was worth the extra price for that alone.

Upon entering the tavern, a cacophony of raucous laughter, slurred conversation, and clumsily plucked lute strings filled Liss’ ears. The air inside smelled strongly of ale and sweat, but it was warm, and had plenty of distraction were she to need it. Things had never been awkward with Nate before, but they had been children the last time they spoke. She was a different person now, in many ways, and she figured that he probably was, too.

They selected a table in the back corner of the room and sat down. A barmaid approached to take their orders, and they gave them. She blushed and giggled when Nate thanked her and called her “my lady.” Liss wasn’t jealous, no, but she found the woman’s laugh grating and wished she would do her job instead of standing around and flirting with the patrons. When she finally walked away, an uncomfortable, heavy silence fell between them that somehow seemed louder than all of the noise in the tavern. Liss stared at the table intently, as if she were attempting to count the ridges in the wood.

“Liss,” Nate spoke up, grabbing her attention from the wood grain, “I know that this probably goes without saying, but I believe it is important for me to say anyway.”

“You don’t have to apologize for your father,” Liss interrupted bluntly.

“I do, and I will,” he asserted, “I may not be responsible for my father’s evil, but he’s dead, and someone should apologize for what he did.”

“You sound like Anora.”

“I’ve heard worse comparisons.” Nate paused as the maid returned and sat two large tankards, filled to the brim, down on the table. He thanked her again, and she ran her hand along his shoulder. Liss shook away the fantasy about setting her on fire with her eyes, and listened as Nate continued speaking. “I am truly sorry for what my father did to your family. I hope you know that if I had been there, I would never have let it happen. I would have died first.”

“Well,” Liss said, taking a sip of the cider in her tankard, “You weren’t there, were you?”

Nate flinched and blinked at her several times. She immediately regretted her choice of words and tone, but they were honest. She needed to be honest with him.

“I wasn’t,” Nate answered, taking a long drink from his own tankard and setting it back down, “Whether you believe me or not, I am sorry for that too. Your family was more like family to me than my own, and I loved them. I wish I had been with you all that night.”

“You shouldn’t wish that, Nate,” Liss warned him gravely, “It was a nightmare.”

“I know, and I’m sorry that you had to face it alone.”

“Stop apologizing,” Liss blurted, nearly shouting, “I’m so tired of people apologizing to me for things that have already happened. It’s a pointless waste of breath. No amount of “sorry” is going to bring my parents back. Nothing anyone says is going to make me stop seeing my nephew’s lifeless little body in my nightmares.”

“I—”

“It’s fine, Nathaniel,” she said, anger deflating and she took another drink, “It’s not your fault. I’d never blame you for something your father did. I’d just rather not talk about it right now.”

“Very well,” Nate stated sharply, the crease between his brows and set in his jaw betrayed his hurt, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Maybe it’d be good to start with catching up,” Liss offered him a gentle smile in hopes to atone for her prior harshness. “Tell me about Starkhaven, the Wardens! It all sounds so...exciting. I’m envious.”

“It is not as glamorous as you might think,” he laughed, “But I am happy to entertain you.”

They spent the next hour or so drinking as Nate shared tales of his time in the Free Marches, about the times he competed in the Grand Tourney, about the different foods and music, about what his training as a squire involved. Not glamorous? Liss begged to differ. She would have given a limb for that kind of adventure. The Wardens, however, he refused to speak much about. He mentioned how he came to be a Warden, spoke about some of his comrades, but refused to speak of much else. “Private Warden business,” whatever that meant. She decided not to prod him about it.

He was quiet for a moment, as if he was trying to gather his thoughts.

“What’s on your mind?” Liss tilted her head and he laughed uncomfortably.

“I suppose there is no tactful way to ask.”

“You’re wondering about Alistair.” She had figured she would need to explain it to him eventually.

“Yes.”

“I honestly don’t know,” she said with a sigh, “We’re friends. There have been times over the past few months where it felt like more than that, when I thought he might care for me in a different way, but I think it was just loneliness on both of our parts. I’ve always known he was still in love with Lucia. It was stupid of me to kiss him, especially earlier in the vestibule. We had already decided that we were just going to be friends. I was just being affectionate. I am an idiot, and this is why I belong in a well. That way, everyone will be safe from my errant lips.”

“‘Errant lips,’” Nate asked, laughing through his nose, “That is one way of putting it.”

“It’s not funny, Nate,” she exclaimed, “Every time I kiss someone, something terrible happens. I’m a menace to society.”

“Whatever you say, my lady,” he teased and she felt heat crawl to her cheeks.

“You don’t believe me.”

“I just don’t recall your lips bothering me,” Nate stated matter-of-factly.

“I—“ She choked. He was so much bolder than before. “Uh. Well. You did have to leave.”

Nate chuckled and shook his head. “Fair enough.”

By the time the conversation died, they had both finished their drinks. Liss’ face was warm and her head spun. She couldn’t decide if she was actually dizzy from the whirlwind of a day she’d had, or just drunk. She watched as Nate paid the barmaid, placing the coins in her hand and smiling. He looked just like he had so many years ago, only not quite as thin. He also had a ridiculous little patch of hair on his chin. It suited him, but that wasn’t going to stop her from teasing him about it later.

If there was to be a later. It dawned on her that he would eventually have to leave again. He’d have to go back to the Wardens, Alistair too, and she’d be alone again. Panic began to creepl up her spine and tighten in her chest. She bit it back clenching her fists until her nails dig into the skin of her palms. Then, a warm touch to her hand drew her out of her thoughts. She looked down to see Nate’s hand covering hers.

“Are you all right, Liss?” His pale eyes were filled with concern for her that she wished wasn’t there.

She waved a hand at him. “I’m fine. I’m just very tired, and the cider is… getting to me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She pulled her hand out from under his gently and stood up, pushing her chair in. “I just need to get some sleep, I think.”

“Let’s get back to the palace, then,” Nate said as he stood to join her.

It was later than Liss thought, when they stepped out of the tavern. The moons and stars shone brightly in the sky and Denerim was quieter than she’d ever seen it. She wondered how things had gone for Alistair and Lucia, and hoped that they would not encounter them in the hallway. She wasn’t quite ready to face the much-deserved wrath of the Hero of Ferelden.

She walked by Nate’s side, occasionally glancing over at him, if only to remind herself that he was really there. It wasn’t just her imagination. It wasn’t long before they reached the palace. They entered to find the vestibule empty and shards of glass gone, as if nothing had ever happened. They headed up a few flights of stairs and down a hallway toward the guest wing. Both of their rooms were located there, Liss realized, but were on opposite ends of the hall.

They came to her door first, and she stopped, turning to face him. “This is me.”

Nate nodded and frowned, clearly searching for words again. “I suppose this is goodnight, then.”

Liss nodded, but stayed exactly where she was, not ready to turn and enter her room. He seemed equally stuck, which offered her some comfort.

“Listen, um, thank you for this,” she said finally, “For tonight. I needed it.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, closing his mouth sharply, but then opening it back up again as if to say something. He didn’t. He must have thought better of it.

Unable to bear it any longer, Liss brought her eyes up to meet his, and took Fergus’ advice for the first time in her life. “I’ve missed you.”

“Liss,” Nate said, placing his hands on her shoulders before drawing her into an embrace. “I’ve missed you, too.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed, exhaling all of her tension against his chest and then leaned back to look up at him. His eyes watched her intently, and she wanted nothing more than to kiss him, just as she had the night before he left, but she couldn’t. He had just walked in to see her kissing another man. Even if he wanted to, which she doubted, it would be in poor taste. She thought too much of him to make him feel as if she was using him for comfort.

They broke the embrace, said their goodnights, and Liss turned to enter her room, closing the door behind her. As uncertain as everything was, as uneasy as the sensation in her chest, she was so much more at ease just knowing Nate was there. He felt like home.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age awakening #nathaniel howe #nathaniel howe x cousland #cousland #howesland #temperance #update #my wrtiting

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wtfzodiacsigns · 6 years ago

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Same Signs: Marriage or Murder

Capricorn:

Marriage: You’re the perfect couple. The Prom King and Queen. Super ambitious couple, competitive, probably insta-famous. You really are the sign that can have it all and juggle it all. White picket fence amazingness.

Murder: Y’all can be some inconsiderate motherfuckers. If it doesn’t benefit you, you don’t want it. This can work the same for your partner. Both of you could neglect the relationship and assume it will hold. It won’t. Also, finance struggles are fucking HARD on Caps cause you are all about materials and having the best in life (however you define that).

Aquarius:

Marriage: I’m biased. We’re fucking fantastic. As a couple, you’re the weirdos at a party. You have adorable inside jokes and can go in depth about topics that literally NO ONE cares about. You’re goofballs, and can be ultimately authentic with one another. We also make phenomenal parents because we encourage originality.

Murder: Two things can sink an Aqua/Aqua coupling… our innate need to be one of a kind, and our extreme want of freedom. Aquarians LOVE being different. We thrive there. So if someone tries to top us, or be more original/steal our thunder- MOVE. GET OUT OF THE WAY. Aquarian wrath is rare and therefore strong af. Also if you want to take too much time away from each other, you could experience the severe isolation that only Aquas can feel.

Pisces:

Marriage: Pisces are dreamy and empathetic, so this is a vvvvvvv soft relationship. They can see beauty in such small things. Like, leaving tiny romantic notes around the house, reading Pride and Prejudice aloud to each other, lots of cuddling and soft blankets and clean smells. This couple 100% owns those ‘linen’ scented candles.

Murder: Pisces can be super self-destructive and pity seeking and clingy. They know good things when they see them, but they oftentimes have the mentality of ‘I don’t deserve this’ or ‘I don’t deserve better’ which is why they can find themselves exiting good situations or settling for mediocre situations when they could do better if they just tried. If things were bad, this would be the most depressing couple to be around cause odds are they’d stay together even if they were both fucking miserable because Pisces oftentimes can’t handle being alone.

Aries:

Marriage: This would be a fun af couple. They’re all about doing stuff… no sitting at home for these folks. They’re at wine tastings or a basketball game or a fucking drag show. If something is happening- they are THERE. The intellectual convos between the two will be top notch, and since Aries are proud and determined and strong, this couple could literally take on the world. They’re huge show offs if their significant other does something great. Expect lots of annoying #wcw #mcm posts that are actually hella genuine and pure. In my experience, they also have the best sense of humour, so laughter is gonna be guaranteed with a good Aries couple.

Murder: Don’t fuck over an Aries. Fucking don’t do it ever. Aries know the exact thing you hate most about yourself or a situation, and they will point it out in a fight. So Aries Vs. Aries? Cue the flames. This sign runs hot but is also surprisingly sensitive, and if you hurt them deeply, there isn’t forgiveness. SO this the perfect example of a sign that can find a fault, pin it down, and make their other Aries BLEED. It’s brutal. Also, for being so determined, they can be huge procrastinators, and if their priorites aren’t the same, this could spell murder for Aries.

Taurus:

Marriage: This couple has everything… and they definitely got it on sale. Taurus are really materialistic, but unlike Capricorns, they can never justify spending money on luxury items. So the Taurus’s home is so perfectly curated, but it’s definitely all from Home Goods. They are the ultimate supporter when things are positive… and HOLY SHIT will this be a positive couple. They’re upbeat about everything, including each other. They deal with pain and pleasure in a grounded way, and they’re really adorable when they get excited about something. A very ‘childish fun’ type of couple.

Murder: Hi. Welcome to the weirdest and stupidest fights you’ve ever heard of. Tauruses HAVE to be right. They’re often not. But THEY FUCKING HAVE TO BE. AND YOU MUST SEE THEIR SIDE. YOU MUST. So if two Tauruses disagree about something, good God just let them be. Call the cops, then let them be. Tauruses are just fucking children, so they’re going to fight like children. I’m talking silent treatment, “but she said it first!” kind of asshole fights. Also, they suck if things are negative. If you complain about anything, literally a Taurus will drop you so fast you’ll never see it coming.

Gemini

Marriage: This couple is all about communication, they’re fab with each other about it. Also, Gem/Gem couples are good because they can understand the unpredictability of the other. They’re broad-minded people, and they embrace differences while also being the magnetic cool kids. This is the couple that everyone wants to be friends with because they have the exclusive invites to insider events that they got from some co-worker in the elevator this morning. They’re bizarrely lucky, and also total gossips, which makes for a couple that is NOT for everyone, but actually works really well together.

Murder: These bitches cray. Like, clinically. They’ll do insane things that make no sense, and if their fellow Gem doesn’t approve then they better GTFO. They’re also very quick decision makers, unlike fellow airs Aquarius and Libra. If they don’t like you, you’re dead to them. They will drop you like yesterday’s shirt even if you do something mildly stupid or weird that they’re not a fan of. Like Aries, they can find your weaknesses and prey on them. They will waste NO TIME doing such.

Cancer

Marriage: These bitches sure know how to nurture. In their finest forms, Cancers are basically the physical embodiment of a nice knit blanket and a mug of warm tea. They’re very in touch with their feelings, so heart to hearts with this couple are the best. They will get to know you on a deep deep deep level, and be really trusted with that information. This will be a wonderfully romantic couple who eats takeout like 90% of the time.

Murder: Hello sensitivity. Cancers are the least rational and can get weird about THE WEIRDEST things. I knew a Cancer once who literally ranted for a half an hour because the dishes people were bringing to her Thanksgiving weren’t ‘traditional’ dishes. They were still bringing food… it just wasn’t the food she wanted despite her never saying anything like ‘hey, bring traditional food’. Cancers want you to be mind readers, so if you can’t do that, why tf are you here. They have high expectations of everyone, but ESPECIALLY of other cancers. They’re also clingy af, so even if this couple does break up, they’ll still text flirt for like the next six months. Unhealthy.

Leo

Marriage: This couple is probably famous. They’re HUGE on big, romantic efforts. They want their marriage proposal to go viral on YouTube. They’re also big on events in general… anywhere where they can be seen and show each other off is good. A+ couple to bring to boring work functions… as no doubt this pairing is charming af.

Murder: Holy arrogance. While Leo’s are not necessarily considered clingy, if you don’t show them the attention they believe they deserve, they’ll drop you like a hot potato. With two Leo’s vying for attention in a relationship, SOMETHING’s got to give SOMETIME. Also, they are a jealous sign, so god forbid one of them flirts with someone else at a bar. Fists will be thrown. These are some needy motherfuckers. Also, if a Leo couple is fighting, call the local news crews. Something is GOING to go down. It might be arson, it might be an impromptu theatre performance. Who tf knows.

Virgo

Marriage: The cleanest house ever. Like wtf they keep this place organized. They also dress in matching outfits sometimes and make it weird for everyone else. Virgos can be so analytical that they’ll see something and be like, “Is this what the normal people do?” and just go for it. Slave to trends for sure. This is the ‘old people’ couple out of your friends. They catch up on the latest netflix show and then are in bed by 10pm. You have to plan things with them AT LEAST three months in advance because they are HORRIFIC at texting back. They’re adorable and a little robotic which is just fine for them.

Murder: JUDGE CENTRAL. They’re not always known for it- but Virgos can be hella judgemental. Especially of other Virgos, because they expect them to be better. Virgos expect the top effort, always, and so falling below that line can lead to fights. They’re super goal orientated, and so if they don’t meet those goals, or their Virgo partner doesn’t, then it is certainly game over.

Libra

Marriage: Oh hello there romance! This couple wants their love life to be an actual Nicholas Sparks movie. They both want to be loved more than anything on this planet, so fellow Libras are great for fulfilling that need. They’re soft and lovey and really exceptional cuddlers. This couple are also great at settling arguments. They can see both sides of things, and hate arguing, so disagreements are easily solved. A good libra/libra couple is like a good spa day, just really blissful and relaxing to be around. Refreshing.

Murder: Honestly? This couple couldn’t make a decision to save their goddamn lives. It’s why most won’t work out. Here’s the thing, if a Libra makes a decision, that’s it. They’ve already analysed every possibility. They’ve run the numbers. If someone is their end game, that’s it. Problem is, if the other Libra has not come to that conclusion, you’re gonna have a bad time. This is a stalemate of a couple… and if you’re happy where you are when you start the relationship, it could end well, but if either of you are still in development, it’s best not to even try.

Scorpio

Marriage: Best. Sex. Ever. Passionate af couple taking things to new levels. Trying crazy shit, cooking new recipes, watching porn to find new moves. You constantly stimulate each other both physically and mentally. Another ‘cool kid’ couple, but that’s because they give no shits. If they’re happy together, this couple won’t come down off their high.

Murder: These bastards are VINDICTIVE. If you hurt a Scorpio, you best hope they bury you close enough to the highway that the cops might be able to find your body. If a Scorpio betrays a Scorpio, welcome to the apocalypse. They expect a fellow Scorpio to KNOW that they’re insane, and to KNOW not to cross them. But Scorpios also love pushing people away. They are the ice of the water signs, and much like their totem of the scorpion, they will bite if you get too close. So two scorpions could easily drive each other out instead of just opening up.

Sagittarius

Marriage: This is the couple with their own travel blog. They live out of a fucking van and LOVE IT. They don’t like to be told they can’t do something, so like 90% of this relationship is just pushing each other to do something crazy. It’s basically one awesome game of truth or dare. They always have insane stories, and love throwing dinner parties just so they can sit you down and trap you into listening to said stories.

Murder: Bad Sags are BAD. This is because a hallmark personality trait of these guys is the fact that they believe everyone is dumber than they are. And also that Sags HATE being thought of as dumb. You see the dilemma. Sags are also the flakiest of the signs, so getting two Sags out on a date is gonna be hard enough. They’ll argue about EVERYTHING if they think you’re stupid, so dear Lord, get AWAY if you’re in a Sag/Sag relationship with a power struggle. Because unlike most signs who think they’re right, Sags are RARELY right.

Source: spookyscarysalamander

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brtxxs · 6 years ago

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Cyber bullying

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying or cyberharassment is a form of bullying or harassment using electronic means. Cyberbullying and Cyberharassment are also known as online bullying. It has become increasingly common, especially among teenagers.

Cyberbullying is when someone, typically teens, bully or harass others on social media sites. Harmful bullying behavior can include posting rumors, threats, sexual remarks, a victims' personal information, or pejorative labels i.e., hate speech. Bullying or harassment can be identified by repeated behavior and an intent to harm.

The harassment can have wide-reaching effects on the victim, as the content used to harass the victim can be spread and shared easily among many people and often remains accessible long after the initial incident.

The terms "cyberharassment" and "cyberbullying" are sometimes used synonymously, though some people use the latter to refer specifically to harassment among minors or in a school setting.

Victims may have lower self-esteem, increased suicidal ideation, and a variety of emotional responses, including being scared, frustrated, angry, and depressed.

Research has demonstrated a number of serious consequences of cyberbullying victimization.

• Internet trolling is a common form of bullying over the Internet in an online community (such as in online gaming or social media) in order to elicit a reaction, disruption, or for someone's own personal amusement.

Internet trolls intentionally try to provoke or offend others in order to elicit a reaction.

Trolls and cyberbullies do not always have the same goals: while some trolls engage in cyberbullying, others may be engaged in comparatively harmless mischief. A troll may be disruptive either for their own amusement or because they are genuinely a combative person.

Cyberstalking is another form of bullying or harassment that uses electronic communications to stalk a victim; this may pose a credible threat to the victim.

ISSUES OF CYBERBULLYING

“Twenty percent of kids cyberbullied think about suicide, and one in ten attempt it. Four thousand five hundred kids commit suicide each year” (Laird). Cyberbullying is turning out to be a enormous problem effecting many people. There should be a higher offense for a person who cyberbullies someone. Cyberbullying should be a felony, because it has pushed many people into self harm and committing suicide.

Cyberbullying can occur at anytime and it allows people to harass each other which could even end up in people harming themselves.Also you have to include the other emotions people feel when they get cyberbullied such as feeling depressed and empty because of the harassment they receive. They also feel hopeless as if there is no one they can talk to or feeling of hopelessness because you lost the feelings of friendship. A felony is an extreme punishment because if you get a felony you will , lose the right to bear arms, certain employment opportunities, public social benefits and housing, parental benefits, and even the ability to vote. “no laws specifically addressed cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying gets seen by not just the people that it is directed to but cyber bullying can be seen by anyone on the internet. The world is becoming a cruel place to live because everyone is attacking each other instead of building each other up, and now that we have internet it spreads the problem instead of stopping it.This should not be the way we live instead there should be a more serious consequence then just a slap on the wrist. Cyber bullying should be a felony because a felony is a harsher punishment and when people see they cannot take it any further and will hopefully stop.”68% percent of teenagers agree that bullying online is a serious problem”

• Cyber bullying is a huge problem especially since social media has not been out that long this also shows the progression of it has been extremely rapid. People are intentionally bullying people online because they are either cruel and heart less or they are to scared to do it in person but either way it is unacceptable. You shouldn’t have to be rude to people all the time or show them hatred over the internet.

Also “80% of teenagers use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for cyberbullying, Most teens now a days have a smart phone and most likely have some sort of social media that they can get on this does not make it any easier to stop cyberbullying from happening.

“97.5% have been online in the previous 30 days, 63% have a cell phone, 42% regularly use Instagram, 33% regularly use Facebook, 15% have been the target of cyberbullying in the previous 30 days (boys: 11.8%; girls: 18.5%), 6.3% have cyberbullied others in the previous 30 days (boys: 6.1%; girls: 6.5%)”(cyberbullying facts). This shows that most kids are on social media and using internet in some way and 15% of kids were targeted in the past 30 days this is not a good thing that’s why there needs to be punishment to those who are doing this. Know that it’s not your fault.

What people call “bullying” is sometimes an argument between two people. But if someone is repeatedly cruel to you, that’s bullying and you mustn’t blame yourself. No one deserves to be treated cruelly.

Tips to help prevent Cyberbullying

* Cyberbullying is only the bully’s fault because they are the ones who keep perusing to be rude and inconsiderate to someone and it is not a laughing matter anymore. They have to be rude and cruel to make one person feel bad about them selves hurt them selves or even bully them to attempt or even commit suicide.

* It is best to be able to reach out to some one and be able to talk to someone like a counselor, principal, mother figure, father figure just someone that you can tell how you truly feel. Also if someone is being cyberbullied do not just watch the argument unravel take action and tell a teacher parent about what is happening and to the person who was cyber bullied and see if in anyway shape or form you could help them so they do not have to go through this struggle alone

* At the end of the day cyber bullying is not something to joke about of even think is cute and funny this is really serious and needs to stop immediately that’s why the law for Cyberbullying should be a felony so after people saw what the punishment is they might double think before they are rude to a person so much that they would want to hurt themselves or even commit suicide.

websites : https://www.ukessays.com/essays/general-studies/issue-cyberbullying-8570.php

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberbullying

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themalhambird · 7 years ago

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Richard woke with a pounding headache and every inch of his body feeling stiff and sore. His mouth was dry. He wasn't dressed. Last night was a blur, but he vaguely remembered a nightclub, and then-

Oh, fuck.

He sat up, pressing the palm of his hand to his forehead. The movement made his head spin and he groaned, feeling nauseous.

“Um- hey. I thought you might want coffee”

He twisted around to look at the door way, where some guy who’s name he couldn’t remember was hovering with a mug. He was cute. Blonde. Richard gave the best attempt at a friendly smile he could when hung over and regretting all his life decisions up to and including being born. “Um. Thanks...?”

“Bushy.”

“Bushy, right, thanks. Um...”

“I’ll- bring it over.”

“Right.” They avoided eye contact as Richard took the mug and wrapped his hands around it.

“Weren’t there other people?” Richard blurted out. “I mean-,”

“Yeah, they uh. They left- went home. I, uh, I thought I’d stay. I hope that’s alright, I just wanted...I don’t know, I wasn’t sure that you’d be okay. If you woke up by yourself.”

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a while,” Richard said, raising the mug to his lips and downing the hot coffee in a series of large gulps. Bushy smiled sympathetically.

“Bad break up or something?”

“Can I get you breakfast?” Richard said, ignoring the question.

“No,uh, I raided your cupboards already. I should be off. I have to get home. I’ve got to get on with some work.”

Work. Richard frowned. “What time is it?”

“Uh...10.30.

“Oh, fuck.” Richard scrambled out of bed, lunging for his towel and wrapping it around himself. “Fuck, fuck, fuck-”

“You okay?”

“I’m late for work by three and a half- my Uncle’s going to string me up from the-”

“I’ll get out of your way. Um- would you mind, if I left my phone number on your kitchen table? In case you fancy coffee or something. Last night was fun, I’d like to get to know you better. If you, know, you were interested in being friends.”

Richard hesitated. His instinct was to brush the man off- he was in the middle of wallowing in misery and self pity and getting drunk and getting fucked by strangers and then moving on- he wasn’t in the mood for making new friends and doing something positive with his time right now. On the other hand, Bushy had made him coffee. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, alright. That would be good, thanks.”

“Good luck with your uncle.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you.”

Richard flashed a brief smile and vanished in to his bathroom, switching on the shower. He’d intended to be quick, but the warm water hit his head and decided to hell with it. Uncle John was going to kill him anyway, he might as well have a nice shower. If he was going to die, he’d damn well do it with clean hair.

It was gone twelve by the time he made it in to the office; he had three missed calls from Uncle Edmund, ten from Henry, and forty seven from Uncle John, who followed him in to his office and slammed the door. “Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

“I’m sorry.”

“No. Sorry doesn’t cut it, this time. You missed the meeting with Valois.”

Richard froze. “That was this morning?”

His uncle shook his head in disgust “I don’t understand you,” John said. “You’re twenty one, and you have a position men twice your age would kill for. You are the C.E.O of one of wealthiest, most influential businesses in the country; all you have to do is show up and at least feign an interest, and you can’t even be bothered to do that! More than a year of work to even get the French to talk to us and you forget the meeting- you’re a spoilt, selfish brat and I’m ashamed of you!”

“Yeah well, maybe you and Uncle Thomas should start a club.” Richard muttered, wincing as he moved to sit down. “Give me the minuets of the thing with Valois and I’ll look over it. I assume you told them I was ill, I’ll call in a few days and give my apologies in person and-”

“What does Thomas have to do with anything?”

Richard looked up at him. “I’ll give you three guesses,” he said sardonically; John folded his arms.

“You might give me a clue, first. If the two of you have quarrelled, this is the first I’m hearing about it, and if it’s bad enough to make you this crap at a job you were showing some not inconsiderable promise at up until a few weeks back then I want it sorted.”

“You don’t know.”

“Know what?” John took the seat opposite his nephew’s desk, honestly concerned now. His nephew was looking very young, suddenly, and staring at him with a faint look of guilt in his countenance. “Richard,” he said. “Tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can fix it.”

“You don’t understand, you can’t fix it, it’s not something anyone can fix.”

John hesitated. “Richard, um. If this is about your, um, your- ah, your predilection for the, er- the company of other men so to speak- that is, I am aware that you’re-”

“An ‘unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort’?”

“Gay,” John said firmly. “You don’t hide it nearly as well as you think you do, and while I will admit to not being the most liberal minded individual on the planet you are my nephew and I love you, and I promise that I will do my best to support you. You and your friend Robert are a couple, I think? He seems a nice young man, and if the time ever comes that you feel ready and able to make your relationship public-”

“It’s never going to happen.”

John frowned. “Why?”

“Why? Because Uncle Thomas offered him a quarter of a million to disappear and he took it. About a month ago. I haven’t seen him, or heard from him since and- my uncle has made it very clear that any future relationship of a similar nature will not be tolerated while I am still connected with this family so please, take your loving and supportive bullshit and shove it up your -”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Richard, I'm not too old to put you over my knee and learn you some manners.” John rose, exhaling with a cold, quiet fury as he ran a hand through his greying hair. Thomas had had no right- no right whatsoever- whatever his personal feelings-

A month. That tallied with the beginning of the sudden decline in Richard’s attitude. H was hurting, and Richard dealt with pain badly. When his mother died-

He wheeled around sharply. “You haven’t taken any-”

“No, uncle, Uncle Edmund’s lecture did it’s job. Scarred me for life. I hadn’t even thought about...” he trailed off. “I’ve been going out drinking,” he admitted, and John nodded.

“I’m sending Harry home with you tonight, he’s going to keep an eye on you for the next few days.”

“What-uncle, that isn’t-”

“I know it’s not necessary. It’s going to happen anyway. You can have a nice few quiet days at home while I deal with Thomas.” He shook his head. “It shouldn’t have happened, Richard, and I’m sorry it did, truly. I hope you can believe that. You always seemed very happy with Robert.” He sat back down. Richard stared at the desk.

“I was,” he said. “How did you-?”

“Oh. Edmund went down to Oxford to pay you a surprise visit and saw the two of you kissing outside the Radcliffe Camera, he left you to it. Didn’t tell me until you asked to bring him home at Christmas as a friend, and only admitted it because I got suspicious when he kept asking me how I liked him. We assumed you’d tell us when you were ready, maybe it would have been better to have had it all out in the open sooner and none of this would have happened. On the other hand-”

“If Robert cared more about having 250,000 in cash than he did about me then maybe it’ s best he’s out of my life?” Richard asked. “I tried telling myself that. It made me feel worse.”

“Go home,” John said gently. “Take the week off and come back in next Wednesday ready to get back down to business. You’ve the potential to make a fine C.E.O Richard, don’t waste it.”

“I thought I was a spoilt, selfish brat.”

“You are a spoilt, selfish brat. And the original Henry Plantagenet-”

Richard groaned. “Oh God, here we go-”

“The original Henry Plantagenet was a spoilt, selfish brat who thought he was entitled to take possession of a small little trading company just because his granddaddy had said it ought to go to his mother when he was old and senile and do you know what-?”

“He won the case against his uncle Stephen, took control of small little trading company, expanded it and turned it in to the Plantagenet Group, condemning his descendants to hear you repeat the story on a loop over and over. Here's hoping I take more after him than I do after great-grandfather Edward, even if I do have more in common with him- I’d hate to end up getting shot by my wife’ s lover after stumbling across them doing it in my bed because my bed was where I’d been planning to take my boyfriend, who was shot seconds after me. No, a wife who ends up staying in a different house entirely, a bunch of children who hate my guts and the only one who doesn’t nearly destroying this company over shareholders’ rights would be much more preferable.”

“Manners, Richard, learn them- don’t cheek your elders.” he smiled despite himself. Richard smiled back, though it was more just a movement of facial muscles. Now he thought about it, it had been an age since he saw Richard properly smile- he should have realised something was wrong sooner. He supposed he’d just chalked it up to teenage rebellion, like the history of art degree he’d insisted on doing.

He’d have to watch that. Richard wasn’t a child any longer, he was an adult, albeit a young one. He found the same with Henry- he expected both boys to still be thirteen, fourteen, and they weren’t.

“When can I expect my baby sitter?” Richard asked.

“Around seven,” John told him. Henry wouldn’t object, when he explained. Richard and nightclubs was a bad combination, and if Henry’s company kept Richard out of them, so much the better for everyone. “Go on, off with you.”

“Thanks.” Richard stood. “I really am sorry about the meeting. Honestly I am. If I’d remembered...”

“It’s done,” John said. In all honesty, it had gone about as well as he’d expected- which was nowhere- but Richard’s absence actually gave them an opening to try again, if he called to apologize for his absence, as he’d suggested. They could discuss it when he got back. Richard slipped out of the office; John exhaled before walking around his desk, picking up the phone and punching in the number for PR.

“Thomas?” he said, as his brother picked up. “Get up here, right now!”

#The Wedding Night Verse #homophobia mention #sex implied #drug use implied #(Richard never actually /took/ anything Edmund found it before he could and the yelling could be heard in France probably)#(but he has a self destructive streak John and Edmund are both well aware of and keep an eye out for)#(and John made him promise to always be honest with them about how he was coping when bad things happen hence Richard admitting to drinking)#anyway

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tatterdam-wingsofmaybe · 3 years ago