#it isnt really about the specific thing its about what they're both getting out of the dynamic

[etoilesombre]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Black Sails Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver Characters: John Silver, James Flint Additional Tags: Season 2-3 Break, Angst, Grieving, sub flint, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Verbal Humiliation, Under-negotiated Kink, brief mention of gunplay, alcohol use, Watersports, pisskink, they are both very into this dynamic, but they don't really talk about it Series: Part 2 of Kinkmeme-Verse Summary:

Flint struggles to feel human in the aftermath of Miranda's death. Silver, facing struggles of his own, discovers that making Flint give up control benefits them both. A long meeting provides an opportunity to see how far Flint can be pushed, and what will happen when he breaks.

[rettrogue]

its that fanciful romanticistic day yet again so JIGZENI HEADCANONS be upon ye (in no particular order of importance or seriousness)💥💥💥

- zenigata is jig’s type. gotta get that outta the way first lmao

- favorite fic tropes: reluctant partners, wound dressing, cigarette lighting, slow burn, frenemies with benefits 

- and ok as much as id love this dark noir grizzled detective/hitman mobguy romance love/hate situationship whatever they're probably on the heathier end of the 10 possible lupin ships. they're both just too fucking honest and awkward about romantic sorta stuff yknow

- they both like really black coffee. like nasty "how tf can you drink this its literal tar" black

- zenigata runs hot, jigen runs cold-- obligatory "opposites attract" dynamic

- they both overthink things and small, awkward, semi-flirty situations haunt them for hours. they've brushed knuckles accidentally at a bar once i stg. worst day of their lives they still can't stop thinking about it

- really stand-offish around each other in public (virtually no pda outside of things people might not notice; nudging feet under a table, lighting each other's cigarettes (which is practically kissing for these people let's be real), hands brushing when theyre cuffed in the back of a prison van together, etc etc. normal guy shit)

- they feel obligated to not acknowledge each other, essentially. they're not SUPPOSED to acknowledge each other, it'd break the status quo, "why does that inspector that's always on the news suddenly care about his rival’s partner so much" -- people would get suspicious. best to simply not

- but when they're in private they NEED to be near each other at the very least. eyeshot/earshot. tbh this basically boils down to jigen lounging on top of zenigata. see temp boyfriends-- jigen uses that cop like a basking rock lmao

- facial hair... jig probably digs the five-o-clock shadow look but it usually means "bad mood" for zeni. real late nights, real big loss, real bad scolding from the higher-ups. lupin's dead for the third time this year and he's at the end of his rope about it. shit like that.

- lupin domesticated the shit outta jigen ok. he's the mother hen now. he knows what it looks like (and feels like) when someone's not taking care of themselves so he does the whole shebang-- cooking, cleaning, making sure everyone's hydrated n fed n not slowly rotting. he scolds lupin (plotting heists spiral) and goemon (training spiral) enough that they know to be more careful, but zenigata doesn't get that sorta constant attention since he's solo most of the time

- what im getting at is that jigen checks in after really rough shit ykno. things that might not hit their side very hard but he knows is devastating for zenigata. makes sure he isnt drinking himself into a gutter, makes sure he's sleeping, makes sure he isnt eating exclusively half-assed cup noodle, makes sure he gets cleaned up/shaved. then when zeni's tentatively grateful and Over It and threatening to arrest him again (in that order) he dips

- I FUCKING LOVE THE PATCHUP TROPE and i blame this fandom exclusively. there's this one jigzeni fic where zenigata admits to practically being the gang's third-pick medic and i really really like that idea. so yeah that mother hen shit goes both ways because thats just how zenigata is innately

- hes super cushy with jigen specifically cause jigen's kinda like when you try to clip a dog's nails when they do NOT want that to happen. theres always the looming threat that shit might get loud. and bitey. aaany moment now. but jigen sucks it up real quick when he sees how big this fuckin guy's hands are and how good he is with them winkwinkwink

- put these two alone together for too long and they'll blurt out shit that they BOTH need to hear but have always been too. idk. nervous? afraid? to say. probably afraid. they hate that it's so easy to talk about what's weighing on them

- mostly intrusive thoughts about lupin, but sometimes it's little stuff. i.e. "i actually don't like black coffee all that much but i can't bring myself to sweeten it up because i feel like i don't deserve it/it doesn't feel like i earned it."

- neither can bring themselves to tell the other that That Doesn't Make Sense and is In(s)ane. they both know it's nonsensical and neurotic but they both feel the same deep deep down, too. they get why. they hate it they HATE that they align on a intuitional level

- but once they break that initial barrier of extremely awkward silence where they just KNOW they're thinking the same thing, they can not and will not shut up about how they're feeling

- don't get me wrong. jigen totally vents to lupin (and to goemon and 10000% to fujiko too) but only zenigata can match that same level of angst he has and that's what makes said venting actually, genuinely, deeply relieving. because fuck, he gets it

- they're a tag team of worry. hype men of worry. there's this one mike birbiglia bit from "old man and the pool" -- can't even enjoy a comedy special without this pairing whacking me upside the head with a two-by-four, smh-- that is apparently jigzeni to me:

- "she's worried, and then because she's worried, i'm worried. we're like an anxious improv group. like... i initiate with a worry. she "yes and..."s the worry with some misgivings. i close out the scene with some neuroses, and then sometimes we have sex, and that's so fun."

- on that note, jigen's Worry is very much internal whereas zenigata's is very much not. this is borderline fascinating to them. "how're you so calm all the time" versus "how're you so hopped up on all this energy all the time". the answer is waiting till 2am to unpack by screaming into a pillow and/or drinking till they zonk out

- they tend to gravitate to certain places for what i guess you would call "noncommittal company"-- ambience, if anything-- and since they tend to be holed up in the same areas random bar encounters happen frequently

- they talk about drinking habits a lot. preferred drinks, cocktails, brands-- they're both big fans of whiskey

- jigen buys them both a bottle of real high-their top-shelf shit after particularly rough yet successful heists (the ones where they team up to take out nazis or whatever the hell) and zenigata (after a lot of convincing) never really turns jigen down when he offers him a glass

- okay so either these two happen slowly over many, many months (with the backdrop of many, many years behind them) or they happen IMMEDIATELY, no unpacking, no real deep thought from either of them. if they don't have that “ah, fuck it” moment then they've got a lot of silent pining to look forward to (which i rant about [here])

- damn i think thats it. im pretty shit at coming up with really cushy slice of life bits lmao, it always devolves into deranged character analysis

- some day i will comprehend the art of cozycomfy 'this is how they like their toast' stuff......some day

[twisted-king]

Hello! Since you also write genshin, I've thought about reader or F!S/O being from Teyvat. But that isnt really the main point. How 'bout their F!S/O is from Sumeru and is strictly bestfriends with Cyno and Alhaitham. How would Trey, Azul, Jade, Floyd, and Jamil feel about their F!S/O having boy bestfriends back at her world? Maybe if they're jealous, reader tries to comfort them by saying that Alhaitham is engaged(to Kaveh)XD Lol

You dont have to do this if its to much♡

Oddly specific but I like the cut of your jib!

Also can be read as genter neutral, I don't reall mention gender on this one?

Trey, Azul, Jade, Floyd, and Jamil X F!SO from Teyvat

who is also besties with Cyno and Alhaitham

Trey Clover

Well youre from a whole different world! Magic seems to exist in some capacity at least.

He doesn't know what a Zatyun peach or a Sunsettia is.

But he tries v hard to make you things that remind you of home sometimes!

He actually does a pretty good job at it too!

And thats where the issue arives.

Whenever he asks about your homeland he knows he is going to hear about your best friends

He's trying SO hard to be normal about this

Trey loves you so much but, he gets a little jealous!

You've done so much with these two!!!

"And Cyno's jokes are the absolute WORST! I swear some of the things he says are worse than Ace's!" "Oh that's... nice!"

but they're your best friends! He really shouldn't be jealous.

"I still don't understand why Alhaitham is so jacked, like all he does is read books all day!"

He really shouldn't be jealous

"And I'm kind of glad its never too hot around here! Like I know he works primarily in the desert but like put a shirt on sometimes! You know?"

But damm its hard.

He tries to be subtle (not really)

"So have you ever like... done anything with one of these guys?" "What do you mean?" "Like have you dated one of them..?"

oh.... OH!

You laugh at that, he's embrassed "Oh gosh NEVER! They both have boyfriends anyhow! Alhaitham is engaged!" "Oh."

You nod and give him a little kith

Wow he's relieved!

Azul Ashengrotto

He loves learning about you and your home world! Truly!!!

Azul thinks your mind is briliant, you're so smart and quick on your feet due to years of travel!

With travel comes a lot of experiences

a lot.

without him.

He's playing it cool though! suuuper cool

"Oh I remember Alhaitham would never answer anything that wasnt formatted or completed properly! maybe you could do the same? it would certainly free up some time, no?" "Of course it woudl free up some time, dear... But" "buut?" "Well it wouldn't be fitting of my benevolent nature now would it, my love?"

Azul keeps trying to prove he's a better boyfriend than your old friends

He needs you to know he's the best option for you <3

"And could this 'Cyno' make you a delightful seafood pasta like this?" "No, not really, he was more into rice." "I see..."

Oh hey he made you curry and rice

You know, by the way. He is NOT sneaky

After another bout of showing off, you finally say something.

"They have boyfriends, you know?" "huh?" "Cyno and Alhaitham? they have partners. You don't have to be jealous." "Why would I be jealous, dearest?"

DENIER

Denies his jealous to this day but he gets happier after you reassure him.

Jade Leech

Yeah he's super cool about this!

for the most part...

He's extremely interested in learning about the flora in your world!

and he thinks those vishap creatures you compare him to sound rather interesting.

Jade being rather curious in nature comes in handy! since he doesnt seem to get jealous.

His questions are... odd, though. they kind of make sense?

"Cyno once took out like-- 10 guys in like a MINUTE! it was so cool! "Is he that fast in the depths of the sea?" "No-" "I see..."

Sometimes he's a little less slick though

"OH my gosh Alhaitham is so weird about soup! He hates the stuff because it could get on his books of all things!" "Does he consume beverages as he reads? tea perhaps?" "Yeah, sometimes." *Pleased eel noises*

He's just being careful :)

Jade often prefers to dicuss your best friends while in the kitchen. he likes spending this time with you!

And he has his knives and mushrooms at his disposal.

*chop chop chop* "And so Haitham and I used to skip out on akademiya meetings together-" *chopchopchop-* "But Cyno would ALWAYS 'catch' us just before the meeting would actually ends-" *ChopChopChopChop-* "So then he'd bring us to Kaveh, Alhaitham's fiance to-" "He has a fiance?" "yeah,why?" "no reason." *chop~ chop~ chop~*

He's still keeping the information from his... questioning in mind.

Can't be too careful, after all.

Floyd Leech

He loves his shrimpy's stories!!!

He hates his shrimpy's stories :((

Floyd is reaaal conflicted. He thinks you're so interesting! your world seems like fun!! he wants to go there with you.

But not with those men you keep talking about

"So sometimes there are these HUGE mushrooms that kind of act like a launchpad! they're super springy." "Eh? Jade might like soemthing like that... OOOH! do ya think if I throw someone (Ace) on one of those they'd still bounce?" "Yeah they would! one time while going after a criminal, Cyno had to-" "Eeeeh I'm bored. You coming to my next game?"

Subtlety? not THIS eel

He audibly groans when you bring them up sometimes.

But he still loves hearing you talk! so it really confusing sometimesz

"So genius invocation uses 8 elements, 7 from the nations, one is omni. Usually the cards are based off of vision users like Diluc of mondstadt, Arataki Itto, from Inazuma... OH! there is one of my best friend, Alhaitham, he's dendro and Cyno's is electro, its actually" Oh he's no longer looking at you.

You get an idea... "There is one of Haitham's fiance, Kaveh" "Oh really?"

GOT HIS ASS

You're his girlfriend, you know him best.

He's a little less weird about listening to your stories now, he's way more enaged.

He still tugs you closer to him when you mention other men, but thats kind of normal for him now.

Jamil Viper

A confident king? He's not really jealous. He knows he can be better than them.

Plus they're just friends to you.

But in all honestly he like... doesn't care too much about Teyvat.

You're here now, with him. not them.

Don't get him wrong, Jamil likes hearing about what your world!

There's only oneee little thing he doesnt love hearing.

"Sometimes I miss the food from Teyvat... Cyno always made the best Tahchin." "The best you say?" "Yeah! he shaped it like a pyramid every time he made it!" "Have you ever tried mine?" "You make tahchin!?"

He's smug, you'll love his cooking more than that Cyno's.

He serves you a plate of tahchin, golden brown, perfectly seasoned, barberries topping the rounded rice dish "So, what do you think?" "This is so good! I kind of miss the padisarah petals though.."

The hell is THAT?

"Is it... not up to your expectations, my flower?" "No its delicious! I think I just miss the way my friend would make it.."

He's a little grumpy about it!!

Jamil gets kind of huffy with you next time you're together.

He's not ignoring you but just don't bring up food for a while.

Snake man will just respond with "Why don't you ask Cyno." when it comes to cooking for the next day or two...

[oh-no-its-bird]

I'm having. So many Uchiha Houhua thoughts. Like I know so much of his existence is geared towards survival but. The hc of Uchiha's use of war fans,I have to wonder if he ever finds him half heartedly fiddling with a delicate seeming Tessen, remebering an old friend now far gone, just as razor edged and yet still missed.

And it may be my own fondness for the concept of a spider summons but so much of spider behavior is "Please Leave Me Alone" which is very on brand for Houhua. Camouflage and careful, delicate and yet still so dangerous, setting invisible webs between leaves and waiting for the worse predators to pass. (Also using spider venom to fuck with his heartrate for the possum jutsu maybe?)

The entire concept is so delightful and I'm very thankful to have seen all your little tidbits on it

YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SENT ME A STRAWPAGE I JUST SAW IT LAST NIGHT BUT FELL ASLEEP BEFORE I COULD COPY PASTE IT TO REPLY TO HERE!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg hi funny seeing you here (<- batting my eyelashes, twirling my hair)

Anyways I love this, actually. Like, a lot.

Ough,, Houhua unable to look at war fans without thinking about both SY and SQQ,,,

I think it's actually especially fun to think ab like. The difference in fighting style between (Japanese) Uchiha styled war fan techniques and (Chinese) Cang Qiong Sect war fan techniques. Not even counting the much more specific Qing Jing Peak style of fan techniques.

That also goes double for sword techniques, especially considering the plans for Houhua to go into sword smithing.

Houhua has literal decades of the Cang Qiong sect sword style engraved into his fucking bones. Into his soul, even, if you consider the whole 'cultivators swords are usually tied to their spirits in some way' thing.

He's going to have the worst time trying to switch to Uchiha sword styles-- though I think the sharingan + the unfamiliar, tiny body without all the muscle memory of his past life will help him at least get his footing

,, Hey, is muscle memory held in the actual muscle or is it held in the brain? That's a thought.

ALSO. THE SPIDERS.

I. I cant lie to u, you are making an amazing argument rn for him having a spider summons. I love the idea sm, I am now faced w the ultimate dilemma of choosing between a spider contract or a rat contract.

On one hand, they both carry undertones of like 'there might be a bit more to see here than just a coward' bc of the associated (mostly negative) connotations of rats and spiders both being like, underhanded, sneaky, that sort of thing. But the spider tho,,, ough,, it also shows a side of implied manipulation that might be fun just from the angle of like.

Yeah you'd expect him to have some sort of rodent contract but hes actually been designated spider coded by the universe, actually.

I forget if I posted this snippet yet or if I only posted it on the discord but take this really quick:

So like. This moment, where Kabuto bets Houhua will get some form of rodent contract (for obvious reasons) while Hana bets he gets a fucking worm. But now make it even funnier bc they're both wrong and he got a spider contract.

This could also maybe play interesting into Houhua and Kabuto's sort of ongoing quiet squinting in eachothers direction as they both go 'this guy isnt as simple as he seems...' as Kabuto mentally recalculates some of Houhua's behavior

This also can just bring out a pretty fun "hey so lets talk about in universe stereotypes and associations when it comes to summoning animals" which I just think is fun. Like, culturally, what does it mean to have a contracted animal? Do some people treat it like they might astrology personality tests? Do some people think its just nonsense and pure luck or not that deep?

For some people it probably isn't that deep, while for others (specifically those who might come from families who always have the same contract, or others who sign blank contracts where they really are sent to an animal that matches them best) it really is a good way to try and analyze them

And like. Where does that leave Houhua?

This could also just be fun for when he interacts w Orochimaru, who fucking hates bugs (insert my own personal favorite hc here that he hates them largely in part due to the many times he was stuck inside his own rotting body, infested with bugs)

And like, Houhua and Orochimaru will inevitably interact, though I'm not 100% sure on how it goes just yet. But like. Houhua having a spider contract and Orochimaru coincidentally hating spiders. Could be funny.

PLUS YOU'RE SO RIGHT FOR LIKE. SPIDER VENOM POSSIBLY PLAYING INTO HIS PLAYING DEAD ACT. UR SO SMART FOR THAT.

Anyways. Yeah ok I think spider contract Houhua would go pretty hard for multiple reasons. Give him a big fluffy spider with big ol eyes.

Houhua can maybe get another contract further down the line and then get the rodents he deserves.

Im so glad that you've been enjoying the SQH in naruto au nonsense I've been pumping out!! I'm like. Halfwayish done with chapter one but it keeps getting longer. I'll get there eventually.

I really need to update my tumblr vault with all the recent additions to the au but want to update it when I post the actual fic so I can link the fic to the chapter, so I'm holding off on that

Anyways, thank you for your ask!!

[gemini-queen42]

I've seen ppl talk abt how its high time Ganondorf gets some gender fuckery, but it's in refference to since we've got a bit of it for both Zelda & Link in games so far [As much as one can ofc w/out actually including anything queer], but I haven't seen anyone mention the fact that Ganondorf is just already so *Primed* for it. Like Real Non-Binary Shenaniganery. He already kinda IS-

Lemme Elaborate:

It is long established that the Gerudo are female only, using males of other races/species to have children- those males never being accepted within Gerudo society and there is only one Male Gerudo every 100 years, who will be their king- which is Ganondorf.

The Gerudo do *Not* have a gender binary.

they have a gender Unary, based upon also having a Unary sex:

Women, females.

[Side note, this also kinda makes them genderless, as there cant be any social constructs of gender when those just apply to everyone, thus just being.. general social constructs. Anyways-]

See, the Gerudo have adopted the *language* Of the gender binary, as it applies to when they interact with the other hyrulian races/species- [Cultural Exchange ! ♡ ] but the actual ideas/"rules" of this gender binary, as social constructs, dont actually *Apply* to the Gerudo [At the very least/especially not Within Their Own & Not Interaction with the other Hyrulian Groups]

So, being a gerudo Man is not the same Gender as being a man in any other hyrulian group.

Because the other groups are working on a binary social constructs.

And the gerudo are Not.

This is not going to come out as succinct as I want but;

Being a gerudo Man is much closer to being in a higher role of religious/spiritual power/authority due to being intersex / nonbinary or Vice Versa - than being a man as we / other hyrulian groups think of it.

Like. It kind of literally *Is* that.

He is outside the Gerudo's main gender structure, he is a special case, places in a special role because of it.

He's non-Unary. Technically every Gerudo is non-binary, but that's also complicated-

Because they kind of have this synchratism thing going on with the rest of Hyrule's ideas of gender, and they both generally connect Gender with Biological Sex, so they share ideas there- and they've certainly blended their ideas of gender together to cohabitate and match things up linguistically- but like. It doesn't feel right to say theyre just.. working under the gender binary everyone else is. Because they're not.

I kind of want to compare it to Two-Spirt & Trans. Like they're understood easily through each other, because theyre kind of the same thing- but like. Also No. And Two-Spirit is very specifically a Native American Identity that is specific to Native American Culture [I'm sorry I don't Currently recall specific tribes the term is tied to its 2am for me as im writing this fjsjdjd]

The difference between Gerudo Gender & Other Hyrulian Genders is kind of like that. Except lacking distinguishing terminology. And like this is a kinda loose comparison and not exact but hopefully it helps you get what I mean?

So like yeah. Obvi the rest of Hyrule does not regard a male gerudo as being a seperate gender from any other man, and the gerudo barely do either- because theyre using the language of the binary, and they've fit him into it, and the rest of hyrule isnt really considering how gerudo gender doesn't work like theirs. So they dont acknowledge it.

And neither does Nintendo lmao

But he IS.

Because what does being a man *mean* in a culture of Only Women?

Not the same as in a culture of two genders.

Because one is an exception, an outlier - and the other is just one of two boxes.

Anyways FUN FACT I have a LoZ au / storyline in which I incorporate and explore all this!!! [I have made no other posts about it yet I'm sorry but PLEASE feel free to ask abt it if you're curious !!! ♡]

Ok thats it thanks for coming to my TEDtalk lmao

[nothorses]

youre the first person ive seen since biden drop out who seems genuinely positive abt it, everyone else ive seen is being rlly negative or making jokes and it scared me a lot.... can you explain, or link to another post or article, that explains why its good that he dropped out? i keep seeing everyone saying that biden didnt do anything, then that he did so many things, thrn stuff saying kamala is a bad choice to endorse then you sounded so positive abt her and im very confused ): i avoid politics a lot cuz i live w a very protrump dad and its so difficult to find accurate information that isnt seaped in memes and sarcasm and pessimism but you sounded very genuine! thanks for any help <3

I went into more depth over here! I also wanna share a couple of videos I've been getting these perspectives from, because these folks are a lot more educated on the topic than I am.

I first heard the perspective that Biden was woefully unlikely to win from Olayemi Ulurin, in this video. She has a kind of "I can't blame anyone for not voting" perspective that I do think I agree with, largely because she's coming at it with nuance: Biden is not a compelling candidate, he's not likely to win, it makes sense people don't wanna vote for him, and the Democrats need to get their shit together and pick someone else.

She also posted this video (below) that goes way more in-depth into the issue, and which I think reflects (and GREATLY expands and adds to) my personal stance on the "vote blue no matter who" thing: i.e., voting is ultimately about making the fight easier for activists who are working for real change. It's important for that reason, not because the person you vote for can be trusted to do anything helpful of their own volition.

If you're gonna watch any of the videos I link here, watch that one.

The other source I've looked to a lot recently is Some More News, which is where I initially heard a lot more detail on the "Biden should drop out oh god oh please it's our only hope" perspective.

First was their podcast episode immediately following the recent Biden/Trump debate, in which they delve (somewhat casually, but thoroughly) into why Biden's 2024 campaign was so fucking terrifying for everyone who needs a Democrat win:

They also get into more detail on the topic here, in another podcast episode:

Those two videos are great just for understanding this election and why Biden dropping out is very much the best thing that could have happened. That's basically the topic for the full length of both podcast videos (where Olayemi just kind of touches on that specific question, in comparison). If you just want more details on that question and only have the capacity for one of these, you could probably watch either podcast video (I personally have only watched part of the second one, and all of the first one).

I'd also recommend these two channels for political insight in general.

Olayemi is great because she comes at things from an explicitly activist perspective, and she has a huge personal background in very grounded, concrete political activism, especially as a black immigrant woman. She brings in a lot of other experts as well, often themselves marginalized political activists, which is just a fantastic way to be exposed to a really awesome diversity of knowledgeable perspectives without having to look very far on your own. She's also relentlessly hopeful- and grounded in that hope- which is so, so important and refreshing.

Some More News is a good supplementary to Olayemi, imo, just in that they have a good, upbeat (and again, very grounded) energy, and they cover a lot of very current political stuff in an easy-to-digest kind of way. I find both them and Olayemi really fun to watch, but the vibes are definitely different between the two, and they're good counterpoints to each other- plus they tend to cover different stuff, which just helps broaden your awareness of what's going on, again without needing to look super far.

I know this is a lot of information; hopefully I've made it possible to sift through for the piece you actually want to start with, though. If nothing else, I really encourage folks to check out Olayemi and see if any of her videos catch their eye. She's really fantastic, and her stuff scratches my "video to do laundry to" itch while also being, like, a really valuable watch overall.

Best of luck!!

[greyborn2]

Elisif headcanons now! (friendly tone ofc <3) Why do you think she would be a good marriage candidate? I'm curious :)

Yesssss!!! Okay - so this boils down to two categories. Personal interest in it, and underrated narrative JUICE. Starting with the former because its easier to begin with. So Elisif is just... she's neat. She's simultaneously one of the most politically important people in skyrim while also being COMPLETELY overshadowed by the men around her (Nobody talks about her, really, they talk of Torygg. The civil war isnt her vs ulfric, its TULLIUS vs ulfric. Her own decisions in court the first time we even see her are seemingly overruled on a dime by her own court, by Falk.). Its like she's this big thing of incredible importance and is constantly hidden away both in narrative and in game. But despite that, if you actually sneak in a bit, ignore all the big figures standing in front of her and propping themselves up on top of her, she has a surprising amount of meat to her.

Most of the Jarls are like... a few word summary at best. Greedy idiot boy, honourable honorman, paranoid bigot, old seer, etc etc etc. You get an initial impression of them and thats kinda it. Ulfric has a lot more, obviously, because he's a major character but it would *SEEM* that Elisif should be on the lower end of content. It takes so much to seek her out in her overshadowed little corner after all, but she has so so so much surprising stuff around her. The necromancer potema plot revolves around her, a whole big dialogue tree that isnt super common to see for a jarl, some touching personal quests that go into detail about how she saw her late husband. Its just all super compelling to me to have a character that, despite being so important, is *soooo* hidden away actually have some meat to her. Plus she's just a nice person!!! ANYWAYS!! PART 2!! The JUICE!!

For starters, I think, there should just be more opportunities for the dragonborn to play the political game if they want. Beyond just choosing a side in a war or ticking off their 'thane of everywhere' list, actually getting in on climbing the ladder and enmeshing oneself with the politics of the land they're in. BUT BUT... same can be said for Ulfric. Absolutely true. I do think he should also be a marriage candidate. BUT...

I think Elisif PARTICULARLY makes sense as a marriage opportunity that isn't one you seek out, but one that is put forward to the player. Specifically with an Imperial victory in the civil war.

The war is won. Alduin MAY or MAY NOT be slain. But either way, no matter what, at this point the dragonborn is a war hero, a champion of the people, and decorated imperial legate. And this would be fucking FRIGHTNING, I think, to the politicians back in Cyrodiil. There's a *history* of war hero dragonborns, popular with the people, turning on their commanders and declaring themselves emperor afterall. Oh boy is there a precedent. Suddenly they're the big figure in a war that was supposed to be Tullius' duty and they might start sweating in their boots a little.

SO... after the war is won... the legion starts... pushing. Just a little. A few letters, a few comments, that the dragonborn should maybe marry Elisif. Become High King by marriage. Lock them in and satisfy the war hero with a political title off in the ass end of the empire before they turn their gaze toward a ruby throne. Don't give them time to think on it. Ooooh look tasty treat right here shhhh dont think yes you did very good dragonborn yes yes be high king.

I think from there it could go one of three ways;

1) Last Dragonborn marries Elisif but with her actually agreeing to the union (after completing her personal quests) and she FINALLY steps out of the shadows. Rather than the expected you using her for power, she uses YOU for power. You allow yourself to be the thing she props herself up on and finally really starts coming into public view. Maybe to the nervousness of the Empire as she's a less eager puppet then they might have thought, now.

2) Last Dragonborn falls right into the trap the empire placed. You didnt do the quests for Elisif, she remains in the shadows, there's a loveless marriage and you get to be satisfied with a big title that hopefully keeps you occupied.

3) Last Dragonborn refuses all of this. Things seem to proceed as they do in canon but... well... maybe you notice a few more non-DB assassins using imperial weapons attacking you on the road then you did before. Curious.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

tw cheating?

how long do you think the bllk men could stand being “the other man”? like let’s say you’re married to some guy, you do love him but the marriage-part was sort of of convenience. like for lower taxes and things, you didn’t really want to get married yet but… he told you about all the good things, so you folded and agreed. but now, with him “working late” and smelling like his secretary’s perfume, it’s not convenient anymore. and you don’t mean to get a little too close to the newest athlete whose social media you’re managing — his public electronic foot print was… interesting… before you took over — and you don’t mean to sleep with him! but. you did. you di. and now you don’t want to stop but you also sort of don’t want to get divorced because what if your husband doesn’t agree to sign and blah blah. anyways. back to the main question: how long do you think the boyos could stand it?

this is an interesting question but i think my honest answer is in this specific instance most of the bluelock men would just like. take matters into their own hands.

i dont think any of them are opposed to breaking you both up through some means or another. if you're reason for not wanting to be divorced isnt valid to them - they're not really going to care LMFAO. i think a lot of them can stand to be side pieces for a bit but they're also batshit insane. if they think you're putting yourself through it for no reason i think they'd go out of their way to completely homewreck and ruin your marriage rather directly and make sure to threaten your husband into agreeing to sign papers.

how long just depends on how miserable its making you. if you're suffering unnesscarily even the goodest of them will give up on playing nice. they can all be a little barbaric and sometimes that means getting what they want by force lol. i think there are maybe some exceptions like yukimiya but even so he just does the same thing more covertly like he's manipulative.

if you're not that upset by it, they probably let you keep up the sham for a while until they get a little more greedy and the pattern repeats. either way if a bluelock man wants you he is not going to stop for anything to have you i dont think. they're all such crazy fucks

[alchemicourtesy]

HEYEY! glad to see more people into vat7k!!! Would you mind sharing more of the insight n what your perceptions of the characters are? I saw your post about Hugo n Var as well as the involvement with Nuru in the tags and was wondering!!! No pressure ofc <3 also love your art it's REALLY AWESOME !

hi! thank you so much :] im rlly glad ur interested... as new as i am to this story and world i'm still ironing out my own opinions and headcanons and ideas so everything is in a rough place atm but i'd love to talk about what i Do have right now ^^

i'm sort of operating under the idea of what this would look like if it were a tv show rather than a comic only for the sake of structure and me being able to visualize it haha. doesnt mean anything beyond that.

i love the idea of there being 7 kingdoms, 7 alchemic laws, and 7 "lessons" for the characters to learn and id probably divide it through 3 seasons with the last season focusing on either 2 or 1 (heavy emphasis on what would be the "library arc") and allocating the extra "arcs" to s1. but anyways

mainly i like the idea of like. each of the group getting a chance to shine an equal amount. obviously they'd all have something to gain from every lesson but imo id put a particular emphasis on them all getting 2 each to hammer home their development and experiences. i havent ironed out who learns what and its not like...an exact science rn so thats a work in progress

nuru is interesting to me in particular bc i think theres a notable position she is in being a princess and wanting to be hands on. for her character particularly i feel like its important she be able to learn how to care for her subjects and hone the skills she needs for the responsibility she has but also allowing herself to understand herself as a person and an individual without having to sacrifice her duty to her people and her community. too many times i see in media where a character has this huge responsibility and they have to learn to care about and understand Themselves first and while thats important i feel like its not always possible or feasible and also it's hard. it's rlly hard to grapple with both of those things at the same time. and nuru being a princess she Wants to help her people. she Wants to have the responsibility to care for them but she still must learn what that will look like for her specifically and how she can be that person she wants to be without phoning it in or anything.

with yong i saw it was mentioned he has a huge loving family that supports him and wants to see him succeed, but he's just sort of wild and unpredictable in ways i think varian can relate to from when he was younger. there's nothing really "wrong" with yong, but he has to understand and learn balance and control where he struggles with it and that he can be the person he wants to be but there has to be instances where he takes his time and understands that progress isnt linear. which gives varian a good place to act as an older brother figure obviously bc thats shit he himself learned in tts lol

varian's arc Kind of began and ended in tts so i just see vat7k as a way of expanding on stuff he already has learned yet not rlly like. rehashing stuff he should already know

hugo is a little trickier for me bc i think there are a Lot of similarities he shares narratively with eugene (which makes sense given that he was said to have been acquainted with eugene in the past, at least somewhat). they're similar but they're not the Same, so i wouldnt want hugo to just be repeating the same beats that eugene already learned. in my opinion hugo is smug and he thinks somewhat highly of himself, but hes not a bragger. hes not snarky nor will he actively antagonize the group. what reason would he have to? he wants them to like and trust him and i dont rlly see that happening if hes always being a jerk to them haha.

thats all i got for now i think but feel free to ask me abt more stuff if ur interested : )

[intersex-support]

hi! im questioning if im intersex (sorta. im like. 98% sure i am lol) but i cant quite find any variations that fit perfectly, though i know that you dont necessarily have to fit Every criteria for a variation. but i also might have EDS, or rather. probably absolutely do, but i missed One criteria in the hEDS diagnostic thing (my skin isnt Super elastic, just a little, but otherwise i am hypermobile) and wasnt diagnosed w hEDS specifically. i also wasnt able to get in with a geneticist to confirm EDS that way (i was pointed in their direction right when covid started so they werent accepting new patients)

anyways my point is, ive heard of CAH X, i think was the name? and from what i could tell its kind of a mix of CAH and EDS symptoms? but i couldnt find anything about it that wasnt super medical so i couldnt really understand it. is it possible you have some information on it? if not thats fine! ty for your time!

Hi anon!

Disclaimer that we cannot diagnose or provider medical advice, but I can absolutely share some information about CAH X.

So, CAH X is a subset of CAH where people have both CAH and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Research has only been done on patients with the most common type of CAH, 21-hydroxylase deficiency, and there isn't any info yet about the other rarer CAH subtypes.

CAH X is caused because the gene mutation that causes CAH is located next to another gene that can cause some kinds of EDS. The gene that causes CAH is called CYP21A2. Right next to CYP21A2 is a gene called TNXB, which encodes a protein called Tenascin-X (TNX). Severe TNXB mutations can cause a subtype of EDS called classical-like EDS, and milder mutations can cause hypermobile EDS. So in about 14-15% of people with CAH, there is essentially an overlapping mutation where the genes that cause CAH and the genes that can cause some types of EDS are both mutating at the same time and causing both diagnoses.

In the studies they've done about CAH X, they've found a range of symptoms and clinical presentations, both in terms of CAH and in EDS. There were patients in the study that had NCAH, CAH simple virilizing, and CAH salt wasting. Patients in the study ranged from having hEDS and just having joint hypermobility and joint dislocations, to having cardiac valve problems, gastrointestinal problems, to having clEDS. Most of the studies so far have found that almost all CAH X patients have elastic skin.

In the study, they found that having both CAH and EDS tended to make the impact of EDS worse. They found this out by comparing the people with CAH X compared to their relatives who just had EDS without CAH.

The discovery of CAH X is still very recent, so there's not a ton of research on it yet. I think they're going to keep finding more out about CAH X over the next several years, and keep refining the genetic testing and clinical diagnosis profiles for it.

So overall, CAH X is a subset of CAH where people have both CAH and EDS, and the symptoms of both diagnoses. Here's links to two research papers if people want to read to learn more!

[elliotstalksprite]

what really intrigues me about chapter 4 is kris and the player. but in a specific way.

Kris still puts the player back inside themself despite being able to function (even though somehwat..poorly now without it) , and they're obviously against some things the player is doing, even in the normal route.

overtime, kris seems to be gaining more and more autonomy again while the player is in control, to the point where they actively push back when they see the bunker in chapter 3's secret area.

right before the full code is revealed, thats when kris rips their soul out. they don't want the player seeing the code to the bunker at all. Some of the code is shown which makes me think they have to fight a little before getting that control, if they realized the code was in the guitar earlier then we did, we wouldn't see any of it at all.

kris is actively working against the player in the start of chapter 4, but even then, after its all done. they let us take control again. even though they resent us.

Its also pretty obvious kris didnt always have this happening to them, especially now that noelle has mentioned that their voice had changed to something strange, but that strange voice was what susie and ralsei and everyone else seemed to be used to, even his other classmates. kris didnt talk alot, not to anyone unless they were close to them. so how could anyone else know this is strange, except for one of the people they trust the most?

but . toriel doesn't mention it. maybe she just thinks their voice has randomly changed, you know. like humans do.

but the voice very obviously isnt theirs, noelle even says it sounds like its coming from a speaker. its unnatural.

its also pretty assumed that kris is working with carol, carol and kris both know something we dont. they'd hate for us to know it. thats why they rip us out and stow us away. we cant know. they are not getting rid of us to get their control back, they're getting rid of us so we cant hear a thing. (they even cover noelle's mouth to try and get her to stop talking in the weird route. because if she didnt mention it, the thorn would've never been put back . the player wouldn't know. and it wouldn't concern them.) Whatever the player doesnt hear, what they dont see. Kris knows about some of it. and we dont. We do not have the memories that kris does. we are not kris. and they're going to make sure we don't have the same knowledge as them.

may add additional thoughts into reblogs

[cass-windfeild]

Star stable Creepypasta: Staring Horse

At last, my sso creepypasta is complete! Sorry it took a while, work and Halloween preparation got in the way. But, as promised, it is ready for Halloween!

As stated before, this isnt going to be anything spectacular. Ive never written anything horror related before, and while I tried to do my own thing, I was mostly inspired by creepypastas like Ben Drowned, Sonic.exe, and lot of WildCraft creepypastas Ive been listening to. Its also mostly just a very edited first draft. This was more or less a test of my skills.

As a warning, there is no gore or blood in this, however there is a description of a pretty messed up horse model that may or may not be considered body horror, as well as mentions of a possible mental break? Not 100% sure, but I want to cover my bases.

Without further adieu, enjoy.

And Happy Halloween!

I've never really been obsessed with video games.

That's not to say I don't like them, or even that I don't play them. I game quite a bit in my free time, from action packed first person shooters, to emotional story driven games, even relaxing farming and life simulators. I've always tried to be open to all kinds of games. However, the issue is I never seem to stay interested. I tend to hyperfocus on specific games for weeks, even months at a time, and then, eventually, I just put it down one day, and don't come back. I just tend to lose interest, be it in the story, the mechanics, the characters. I just get bored and move on to new things.

Except for one game.

Star Stable Online. An open world MMORPG horse game where you can create a character, buy horses of varying breeds, coat colours, and patterns, train your horses in races or a variety of other disciplines, talk with friends, join clubs, dress up your character and horses, and complete story quests to save the world and learn about the island. Everything an equine crazed individual like myself could ask for in a horse game. Out of all the games I played in my life, Star Stable was the one that seemed to have a constant grip on my psyche.

It started out as just a way to finally unleash my love of horses, an obsession that had started as a child and only increased in my late teens, without shame or judgement. But over time, it became so much more. It became my comfort. My way to cope with all trials and tribulations of everyday life. No matter how mentally straining school was, how exhausting work was, or how bad my mental state was at any given time, so long as I had wifi, my laptop, and the will to stay awake into the dead of night, I had my escape. I could let my mind wander to a world where I wasn't alone or stressed. Where there was no homework that made me feel like I was going insane, no entitled or argumentative customers, no overbearing managers. Just me and my horses exploring the island of Jorvik, saving the world from evil organisations and dark magic, and living peacefully, knowing the real world couldn't hurt us here.

At least, until recently.

In the game, there are certain areas of the game that are closed off, having both invisible and physical walls around them to prevent players from getting in. They're either areas that aren't done yet, or ones that just never ended up opening up. Not that that stopped anyone though. If there's any area people know they're not supposed to go, they're gonna do everything in their power to get there. This is usually done through knowing the layout of the land, knowing what steps to take, and, often, getting a bit creative. There's countless tutorials online of how to get into closed off areas. Some are no longer working due to patches in the game, but finding one that still works is never too difficult. On days when there are no quests or special events, and training starts to feel repetitive, I've taken to testing these glitches and seeing just how efficient they are. I've glitched into Ashland, Devils Gap, Marchengast Castle, Cape Point, the typical areas that seem of interest to players. I even started trying the techniques in other areas to see if I could glitch myself somewhere no one had seen yet, though my efforts have so far seemed to be in vain.

Late one night, I was attempting to glitch into Mystic valley, like I had before, in hopes of getting some nice photos. I jumped out of the Secret Stone Circle and fell into the purple haze as usual, when I heard a familiar whinny, followed by a black screen with the text “Your horse was badly hurt.”. Great. I must've messed something up, I figured.I waited for my screen to return, expecting I'd be transported back to my home stable and have to start the glitch all over again. But to my surprise, when it did, I was in the Mystic Valley, as though I'd successfully made the fall, only, the area was now covered in a thick fog, like when you entered the Mirror Marshes.

I suspected that it was a glitch, or maybe the area had been updated. Hoping to find something new, I rode around a bit, checking all the edges and open space of the area. But after around 15 minutes running around and bumping into invisible walls, I still found that everything seemed normal. Just the same old rolling hills, sparsely placed bushes and trees, and occasional unfinished textures. After a while, I grew bored, and just started looking for some nice photo spots instead. But as I rode past an indented area in the mountain, I saw something I hadn't before. Something white amongst the trees and shrubs that was just barely visible through the fog. A horse. A grey horse with a black mane, standing perfectly still near the base of the mountain.

I had seen plenty of unused or work in progress models hidden in supposedly unreachable areas to keep them out of sight from players, and although I'd never seen one in Mystic Valley before, that's what I suspected it was. Possibly a new NPC horse or even an unreleased breed or colour the developers had been testing. I tried to get closer to see it better, but was blocked by an invisible wall that hadn't been there the last time I visited. Of course, they had to block off the most interesting thing in the area. I tried a few times to pass the wall, but no matter the angle or area, my horse halted and reared in refusal. I was giving up hope of getting any closer, so I resorted to just taking a photo and zooming in as much as possible. I got off my horse in the slim hope that I could get a little closer for a better angle. Only, this time, the wall didn't stop me. My horse couldn't pass, but I could walk on foot as close as I wanted. It was odd, but I wasnt about to question it.

I started approaching, but the closer I got, the more I realised how odd this horse looked. It didn't look like any breed of horse in the game, or like any breed I knew of. Everything looked… wrong. Like a bunch of different horses merged into one. Its legs were thin and long like a saddlebred, but its body was thick and wide like an ardennes or Jorvik wild horse. Its neck looked like that of the friesian, but it was bent down at an odd angle, like its head was being forcefully pulled against its chest. Its long, dark mane looked twisted and tangled, like a longer version of the mustangs. But what was the most disturbing was its face. It looked like it meant to be shaped like an Arabian, but the eyes were all… wrong. They were angled far more forward than they should have been, placing them more on the front of the face than more to the sides. Not only that, but the eyes themselves looked inverted, making it appear as though there were instead two hollowed out sockets in their place. Even the shading made it seem as though that was the original intent. Everything about this horse was downright creepy. Why the hell would SSE make something like this?

I decided to take a picture and see if anyone online knew anything about this eerie horse or if they had any idea why it looked like this. I pressed the photo button, but the second I entered photo mode, the horse vanished as though it wasn't even there. Was SSO so determined to hide this thing that they even hid it from the photo mode?

Not wanting to leave without evidence of this thing, I resorted to screenshots, taking a few photos before clicking out of the game to check the folder. But when I did, what I saw made no sense. In every screenshot I took, I saw my character, the area, the fog, even my own horse in some shots… but not the NPC horse. How was that even possible? The screenshots weren't in game, they should have just captured what was on the screen. I clicked back to the game to try again, but completely froze.

The horse had moved. It's neck twisted at a harsh angle, as though it had been broken in half. Its previously hollow indents of eyes now had two small pinpricks of light at their centre, barely big enough to make out. And with those tiny dots that made up its eyes, it started.

It started at me.

Not my character.

Me.

Have you ever had someone stare at you so intensely that, even if you had your back to them, you could feel it? Like an almost primal instinct kicks in to warn you that there's danger and to prepare to defend yourself. The moment you notice, you get this split second where your body freezes up, and everything around you goes numb except for that feeling of a pair of eyes. That's what I felt when I saw that things eyes staring back into mine through my computer screen. Those hollow eyes felt as though it was staring straight through to my very soul, making my blood run cold. I wanted to move, to scream, to  do anything, but I felt frozen in place, as though that things cold, unblinking stare had me trapped. As I stared, I began to hear the faintest sound in the back of my mind. Almost like a raspy, gargled breathing. The longer it stared, the louder the sound got, slowly becoming the only thing I could hear. As though, even without moving, it was drawing closer.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I managed to snap out of my frozen state, quickly slamming my laptop shut, not even caring in the moment if it broke. The second I did, everything stopped, and I found myself gasping for air despite not even realising I had been holding my breath. My eyes flickered around the room, instinctually looking around the room for danger. After a few minutes, I managed to calm myself down a bit. My body trembled as I became drenched in a cold sweat, and questions ran through my mind faster than I could even process any kind of answer. 

What the fuck was all that? Why did it feel like that thing was actually staring at me? Like it was actually in my room?  What was that messed up breathing sound? Why was that disturbing thing in a game targeted at kids? What the hell was going on? The questions, as well as the lingering adrenaline and paranoia of what just happened, kept me up the rest of the night. My eyes cautiously scanned the darkness, as though that thing would creep around the corner at any moment, until sunlight finally poured in the windows of my room.

I went about my day in an exhausted haze, still mulling over what happened as I tried to find a logical answer. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. Was it a glitched horse model? Or a new scare tactic to keep people from glitching into areas they weren't supposed to, like the old anti-pirating screens of old video games? Maybe even an early model of a new Halloween horse? But why was I so freaked out by it? It was just a pixelated horse in a video game, but when it stared at me, it felt so terrifyingly real, like it would crawl out of the screen or even like it was already in the room with me. Maybe I was just tired from staying up late so often, and I was starting to become paranoid because of it?

The more I thought it over, the more I managed to convince myself. Of course it wasn't staring at me. It was probably just a glitch. Just a bunch of pixels on a screen. It wasn't real. Hell, maybe it wasn't even as scary looking as I thought. My brain was probably just experiencing hallucinations from lack of sleep. That had to be it, right?

Besides, even if that thing was real and as scary as I thought, I wasn't going to let it stop me from playing my favourite game.

That night, after I had dinner and finished my homework, I turned on my computer (which, thankfully, was not broken from the rough treatment last night), and logged on to Star stable again. As I waited for the site to load, I couldn't help but wonder. What if it was real? What if I loaded into Mystic Valley again, and that thing was still there? What if I froze up again? I pushed the feeling away. I had already left the lights on to ease this ridiculous fear, I wasn't backing down. It was just a stupid creepy horse in a video game. It was fake. I was safe. The game opened with the familiar welcoming ring, and I was thankful to see I was back in front of my home stable, and there was no glitched NPC horse anywhere to be seen. I sighed in relief. It was all just in my mind.

I spent the next few hours training my lower level horse, completing race after race as I made my way across the map like always. I even competed in a few championships, despite being one of the only people online at that time of night. However, I couldn't shake this eerie feeling. Everything was normal, but I kept feeling as though I wasn't alone. Like there was always someone or something watching me from just out of my line of sight, and whenever I looked around, it would disappear. I tried to ignore it, telling myself it was my imagination or that I was still just anxious from everything.

At around 4 am, I had finished all the races and decided to call it a night. I called for pickup, and went to enter my stable. But after a few seconds of loading, I noticed something. There was no image of Maya walking through the stable to take care of the horses. Just a pitch black screen with no text. At first, I thought my computer had frozen, and I begrudgingly waited for the “Star Stable.EXE has stopped working” pop up. But, after a minute or so, the loading finished, and I was standing inside the stable. Only, my horse was gone. All of my horses were gone. Was my game crashing? I looked around briefly before clicking the stable button to see where my horse went. 

What I saw made my breath catch in my throat. In place of every icon that was meant to be one of my horses was instead replaced by that same, deformed face of that horse, staring back at me with those dark, soulless eyes. And where my horses names should have been, was instead my name. My real name.

How was that even possible? I never used my real name anywhere on star stable, or anywhere online for that matter. I exited the stable menu, and there it was. That mangled, horrifying thing standing in the stable aisle staring at me. I felt my body tense, but I refused to let that thing trap me again. It's not real, I told myself. It's a glitch. That's all.

I pressed the exit button to quit the game, but nothing happened. I kept pressing, but no menu appeared. I started to panic as I heard the distorted breathing begin again, and as it did, I watched in horror as the horse's jaw slowly unhinged, stretching down towards the ground, revealing a set of sharp, fang-like teeth that lined its jaw. I felt its eyes burn into me, like a predator sizing up its prey before going for its throat. This wasn't in my head. This wasn't just a glitch. Whatever this thing was, it was real, it was sentient, and it wanted me. I kept clicking every button I could think of to get the game to close, but still, nothing worked. Even when I finally had enough and slammed my laptop closed again, I could still hear those tortured breaths getting louder and louder in my head. I covered my ears and closed my eyes, begging it to stop, to just go away, but still it persisted till I couldn't even hear my own panicked heartbeat over it.

I was about to scream out of pure fear and desperation when all of a sudden, it stopped. Just as quickly as the breathing had begun, it stopped, leaving me in the silence of my room. I sat motionless for a few moments before slowly opened my eyes, tears threatening to fall as I looked frantically around the room for any sign of danger, but all I saw was my lit bedroom and my computer all but tossed off my lap, teetering near the edge of the bed.

Was it over? Was that thing gone? I sat as still as possible for the longest time, as though waiting for something, anything to happen, but still, nothing. After what felt like hours, I mustered up the courage to reach for my computer. I had to know. Just a quick peak to make sure it was off and that that thing wouldn't come for me. Slowly, I lifted the screen, just enough that I could see the light of the screen.

Nothing.

Inch by inch, I opened the laptop fully, only to be met with a black screen. A sigh escaped me as I confirmed the computer had powered itself off after being closed. So long as I didn't log on to the game, that thing couldn't possibly get me.

But as moved to close it, my eyes caught sight of my reflection in the darkness of the screen.

And I saw it.

In the reflection was that long, grey, mangled face with its dead, hollow eyes staring motionless at me from the shadows, its jaw still unhinged like a snake.

The next thing I remember was my parents rushing into my room as I screamed bloody murder, thrashing violently as I tried to get away from that thing. They practically had to restrain me to get me to finally calm down. I cried in their arms as they frantically pushed for answere to figure out what had happened. When I tried to explain, they chalked it up to a night terror brought on by stress. The more I tried to insist it was real, the more they assured me it wasn't. I only stopped insisting when they started suggesting getting me psychological help and the idea that I was having a mental breakdown. I knew no one would believe me. Even if I got proof, what could they really do about any of this anyway?

It's been months since I last played Star Stable Online. Even the thought of logging on makes me feel anxiety build up in my chest. I want so desperately to have things back to the way they were. To just log on and forget the world again. And yet, I know that I never will. That thing didn't just  traumatize me. It stole a part of me. It stole my comfort. My escape from the world. It stole that sense of peace and safety, a part of me I will never get back.

What's worse, it stole my sense of reasoning. I tried researching what I saw and asking around the community. I even emailed Star Stable Entertainment themselves, just hoping for any kind of answer, and still got nothing. I dont have an explanation for what happened or why it affected me so much. 

I can't explain why it chose me, or how it was able to do what it did. 

I can't explain why I still see it, or why it almost appears to be getting a bit closer everytime I see it in the corner of my eye. 

I can't explain why every night since, the moment I start to fall asleep, I hear those same, horrid, gasping breaths in my ears, getting louder and louder. 

And, no matter how hard I try, I can never explain why Ive started feeling a cold rush of air run down my neck in time with each breath.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i'm on my aspd izaya bullshit again but like. thru this lens, isnt his arc a perfect encapsulation on how aspd negatively affects the person that has it? even to this day, many professionals do not believe that pwASPD suffer from aspd. like at all. to the point where aspd was specifically listed as an outlier to the "patient distress is what defines a disorder" rule in an abnormal psych textbook

(see why i don't respect the field?)

but... he does suffer! a lot! like- remember his speech to mikado at the end of the first arc? how you need to keep evolving, keep changing in order to escape the mundane? how you have to keep going and going and going, wether it be aiming high or low?

yeah. normal people don't need to do this, izaya. you are a broken person.

but why SHOULD he be content with the mundane? the things people usually have that make them content with daily life- friends, family, a purpose, a distinct lack of extreme chronic boredom that drives you to do completely insane shit- izaya doesn't HAVE any of that!

"wait, chronic boredom?" i hear yall thinking. maybe. "isnt that an adhd thing?"

more than one disorder can have the same symptom. theres like a billion that have "want to die" as a symptom. but i dont really blame you for not knowing, its not talked about much

studies have shown that aspd and adhd are both problems with the dopamine receptors in the brain. more specifically, adhd is a chronic deficiency of dopamine, whereas with aspd, when you DO get dopamine, your brain gives you quardruple the normal amount.

studies have ALSO shown there to be a sort of... adhd to aspd pipeline. the story goes like this: you have a kid with adhd. maybe they're born like that, maybe the symptoms developed from trauma (which can happen? apparently??) anyway. kid gets abused. kid develops conduct disorder as a result of that abuse, as a natural extension of the existing adhd symptoms. they're MORE impulsive, which leads to them hurting others- and if it sets off the dopamine receptors, an abused kid starving for happiness and power is gonna chase it, no matter what. theyre like, six, they dont know anything about like. morality. all they know is, theyre sad and this makes them happy. anyway kid never gets treated, abuse continues to exasperate the symptoms, and now you have an adult with aspd, AND the original adhd diagnosis! and ptsd, which is HIGHLY comorbid with aspd! and probably another personality disorder, because you're actually statistically more likely to have two of them!

anyway! that's ONE of the ways aspd can develop from trauma, which it is Known To Do.

does any of that sound pleasant to go through? at all?

let me ask you a question:

imagine you aren't getting dopamine. maybe it's your adhd. maybe you're depressed. either way, you try to get it any way you can. wether it's throwing yourself into a hobby or a job, so the sense of satisfaction gives you dopamine, or something like drugs or gambling.

now, imagine that "rush" you felt. was Four Times Stronger.

wouldnt that compel you to do increasingly dangerous and risky shit, just to feel okay? imagine if you had no friends. imagine if this was your only way to be happy. wouldnt you, eventually, stop caring about others and only care about yourself? after all, other people have thinga like friends and a family that you don't have. they have a fallback. you only have this.

and you might say, "i'd never do that!" but every addict says that, and most eventually cross that line out of sheer desperation. and this? effectively makes you into a dopamine addict. which is dangerous! you can't just STOP... gettng dopamine....! it's necessary! but you have no help so you keep doing what youre doing. (and how could you get help? its baked into the system that people like you don't suffer. why try if youll just get burned?

anyway, back to izaya.

he's lonely. he has one friend and he sucks. he feels compelled to do these things even though he KNOWS it'll hurt him.

i stole this screenshot from some1 who insulted my friend once for something stupid <3 die

but it illustrates my point very well! does it look like he has much control over things?? he sure like to ACT like he does, but at the end of the day, he doesn't, really. he ends up spiraling more and more, doing increasingly risky and rash things, just to get his end goal... which is to die and ascend to the afterlife. a lofty goal.

aiming high, isn't he? a final, spectacular evolution.

or, it should have been.

but it wasn't.

izaya's impulses and deep desire to continue becoming more and more drastic, coupled with his lack of personal ties to anyone that could keep him from doing so....

it didn't make him ascend. it left him in a wheelchair, with chronic pain that will last his whole life.

THAT is where mental illness takes you. it doesn't make you a hollywood psychopath, reveling in the destruction you chose, of your own free will, wholly and truly, to cause. it makes you want More. no matter what, you need More. you see people content with lives worse than yours, everyone bound together with some sort of invisible thread, some sort of tie that keeps them together. a thread that missed you. your brain refuses to see people as people, thus you remain lonely forever, unsatiafied wirh company other than the superficial, because it's fun. that's all you're allowed to care about. an endless cycle of bigger and bigger actions, impulses slowly getting worse--

--and the worst part is, it tricks you into believing you ever had a choice. it tricks everyone into believing you had a choice. your suffering is worse than disregarded, to all the people you look at from your apartment, all the people you wish you could have been like.

it's nonexistant.

[wulfums]

Based on the last post, it of Course isnt just Whatwulf helping Allan. Whatwulf struggles with constantly fearing things and others and being worried.

He can always ask Allan if he's mad at him. Allan makes a point to never be annoyed no matter how many times Whatwulf asks. He knows that WW feeling like this isnt really based on like...anything. He feels like this all the time with Everyone. But Allan has noticed Whatwulf has been asking a lot less lately. He notices small things like that and it makes him smile when he does. Little things like that let him know Whatwulf is doing better and feeling good.

Allan does genuinely get annoyed with Whatwulf's memory issues occasionally, and early on in the relationship has said some rude things (and even Now, if he's having a really bad day, and Whatwulf forgot somth important, he might get snippy. But he tries not to.). But he always reminds himself that Whatwulf isnt doing this because hes lazy. Hes not doing it because he doesnt care. This is just how his brain works. Its one of the things WW is most insecure about so when Allan does get annoyed about it, it hurts Whatwulf a lot. I feel like Allan realizes and apologizes right away, and they talk about it later. And he really means it. He makes sure his apologies mean something. Sometimes if its too hard to say, he will leave Whatwulf a little note (With Whatwulfs fav candy taped to it.) apologizing. It means a lot and reassures Whatwulf that Allan wasnt mad at him, and WW didnt do anything wrong.

Allan helps Whatwulf with some things relating to this. He's in charge of refilling Whatwulf's medications. He goes to the same pharmacy for himself, so taking this one thing off of Whatwulf's plate will help him focus on remembering other things. He reminds Whatwulf to write down money things in a ledger to keep track of budget. He encourages him to leave post it notes around. They have a whiteboard in the apartment so Whatwulf can remember what chores hes done today or whose turn it is to do something.

They do have fights sometimes and arguments. Everyone does. Sometimes it is one of them being insensitive or snippy abt the other's ND issues. I think the first couple of times it was rough because Whatwulf convinces himself "Well, guess its all over. I fucked this up." and Allan is the kind of person to hold onto a grudge and bring it up at random during arguments.

So Whatwulf brought Allan into one of his therapy sessions to talk about this specifically. It was just one session, since this was a therapist not a relationship counseler.

So they just always remember....they can always talk these things out. And the more they do it, the easier it gets. Now, they're able to both stop themselves before snapping. Whatwulf will use his DBT skills and Allan will do some grounding excersizes before they continue doing the stressful thing.

One of the biggest things is that Whatwulf never has to assume Allan isnt being honest. He is. Always. Hes just like that. He feels relaxed around him for that reason. Both of them say what they mean and its so freeing. They dont have to follow NT Society Rules around each other. Theyve established their own "house rules" that absolutely work perfect for them.

One of the biggest moments for them was related to Whatwulf's PTSD. Sometimes, Whatwulf struggles with showers due to PTSD. The water just...feels like hands (I Will Not Elaborate, IYKYK) and it makes it hard. Allan offers to stand guard at the bathroom door until Whatwulf is done. They were also waiting for pizza. While Whatwulf was in the shower, he heard the doorbell ring. He wasn't done yet and took a bit more time. He expected Allan to have gone to grab the pizza- he hates when it gets cold. But no, Allan was right there. Exactly where he said he would be. Guarding Whatwulf. That was a very emotional pizza night.

[joerangernation]

Ranger friendgroup headcanons;;;;

ranger + sara: hero vs villan dynamic,

"what will you do sara- you either save the school or catch your greatest enemy!"

"...my greatest enemy? .....Shin???"

"What- no- me!"

But seriously i feel like joe is the only reason they hang out with eachother, that and sara wants to keep a close eye on the guy who likes to blow shit up. I feel like sara would be infinitely annoyed that the school does nothing about rangers constant skipping and disregard for rules, but then again, i think that might make her reflect on her own family status and how it may have factored into her sucess. Ranger would also be extremely jealous because of all the shit sara is good at, like math, socializing, sports, ect.

anzu-

I think anzu and ranger could easily be pranking buddies- like rainbowdash and pinkie pie. They also probably both keep up to date on slang so the conversations are like. "Oh she thought she ate that one" "she didnt even pick up the fork" "period"

Ranmaru-

Ranmaru is the punching bag of the friend group, not just for ranger. I feel like its so easy to make fun of ranmaru. I feel like whenever ranger isnt being a complete dick, tho, they would find they share alot of views on humanity. I can only imagine how they figured out the other was a Will Wood fan.

Kugie-

Ranger and kugue very much match eachother energy, theyre both a bit mean with their humor i feel. I do think kugie is a bit *smarter* which means she'll think of her insults quick, while rangers take a while to come up with so he quickly runs out of new ones. Also rangers speech impediment doesnt help. But they also both have sorta grown similar ways of dealing with the fact that. They're very clockable. Theyre both the kind of kids that get called slurs by randoms in the hallway. I like to think eventually theyd get to a point were theyre like "someone just called them a f*ggot???? Only im allowed to call them that!"

Joe-

Before dating:

I like to imagine joerangers meet cute would be after joe uses the wrong charger on his school laptop or accidently puts the brightness so low he cant tell the computer is on and seeks rangers help at the student-ran help desk. I feel like joe would like rangers looks immediately, specifically his fashion sense. Joe would end up feeling bad after figuring out ranger has 0 friends, ect, and try and introduce him to everyone else. Ranger appreciates these efforts but ultimately has trouble admitting how much it means to him. Joe and ranger would play videogames alot. Joes mom also would really like ranger (despite her misgendering him at first). I feel like ranger would also insist on giving joe money and things like that, which embarrasses joe alot. (Since ranger has never had money problems)

While dating:

Pretty much still the same but more flirting, and ranger would probably beg joe to hang out with him more, basically just being a clingy boyfriend. Ranger fucking SUCKS at masking his autism but he feels really comforted by joes presence, and isnt as worried about joe judging him. Theyd also volunteer at the animal shelter together!!!

[desb3ar]

ok this was originally gonna be an anon post but i decided to STOP BEING A PUSSY!!!!

your art of miggle is sooo osooooo osooooo sososoo coool..... i love the way you draw him so big but he also just looks sosososo soft and gentle!!!!! i saw the horror art and thats what really made me want to write this because ur ability to absolutely make him turn a 180 is awesome........ i remember seeing that art of him as a weighted blanket and tbh it really spoke to me because i'm autistic and ykw i want a big muscley bf (miguel) to lay on me and be my weighted blanket!!!!!!!!

and your nonviolent communication fanart is sooo good.... granted spoilers for me cus i haven't finished it yet (school unfortunately) but greensagephase must be elated everytime they see u post because i think you're bestowing a writer's greatest honor to have their fic have fanart!

AAAAAAND NOT TO MENTION U ARE A WRITER URSELF AND THATS AWESOME TOO i read all of your works and tehy'resoooo!!!! they're soooo!!!!!! YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE MAN it rlly adds depth to mig even if it's soso simple and domestic your talent really shines in both areas!!!!!!!

so... haha..... we are both artists and writers (x reader writers to be specific.... and we both like The Specimen.... whadya say... buddy..... mutuals???? 😊 (THISISSOLONG IM SORRY YOU CAN DELCINE IF YOU WNANA)

OMGOMGOMFOMG OFC WE CAN BE MUTUALS <333

im still so stunned i am even capable of turning miguel into this lovable guy. i dont even mean to 😭 i honestly thought i was doing the complete opposite because i wasnt meaning for him to be made out that way, which is funny and somewhat cute. many always say that and im always beside myself when it’s mentioned . him being some sort of weighted blanket, that drawing? one of my favorites ngl. i just might draw some more soft miguel, have them all in one post to relief dashboards of my spam LMFAO

i could go on and on about nonviolent communication. #1 fic of all time. I spent more time than id like to admit reading it, its that good. thats why i draw the things i do, its such an enjoyable read 😭 i gotta draw more of it instead of waiting on the next chapter because theres so many amazing moments i read that i really wanna put on the canvas. green deserves so much fanart for how well-constructed their story is and for the amazingly done writing that makes miguel come to life even more. it’s astounding, green is really the reason i was writing to start with ❤️☺️

on the subject of writing, ive GOT to write more, just need some ideas that isnt too far from how he is in canon (i love him for what ive seen, not because of the fantasies ive hd lmfao). writing takes so much thought and i commend those who take their time to make amazing pieces, i can barely crack 2k words without thinking this is a masterpiece when the talented can make 4k words and its only the mf START. ITS NUTS. but im not here to compare, just paying so much gratitude for authors on tumblr haa im rambling UGH

THANK YOU SM FOR THE KIND WORDS!! and dont worry, i dont get a lot of long messages in my inbox, its rare, so this means a lot more than you think <333

and amazing on having balls, respect <3