#it is the implement i want to bash her with when she refuses to work <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[snowshinobi]

2 years of tantrum-throwing later, my work laptop has earned herself a name

[dragonswithjetpacks]

I’m going to say this one time about Cullen and that’s it. And my opinion will be out there and done. This is not a negative post. But this is a long post so buckle up babes.

*warning for use of language because I swear like a sailor*

*also brief mention of rape*

Anyway, Cullen is a perfect example of poor planning in the gaming industry.

He is also a perfect example of fans thirsting so hard and wanting something so bad that the writers and developers change a character and even game elements to suite their needs. They didn’t even give him a book or a comic for redemption. You know what they did instead? They switched writers. Cullen has three writers. All of them with a different character in mind.

Cullen was a fucked up mess in Origins. He was meant to be creepy and sociopathic. I get that. The writer who basically created him had no idea he was even going to be not only a reoccurring character, but one that was going to be romance able in future games. She even apologized. Which wasn’t necessary. And so many people who played the game missed a big point about Cullen. He was never supposed to recover from Origins.

“The young templar Cullen never quite recovered from his ordeal. After months of attempting to convince his superiors that the tower was still a danger, he finally snapped and killed three apprentices before being stopped by his fellow templars. Eventually, Cullen escaped from prison, a madman and a threat to any mage he encountered.”

“Once the tower was rebuilt, Knight-Commander Greagoir stepped down from his post and retired to a life of private contemplation as a brother in the Chantry. His health failed over time, and after refusing treatment, he perished in his sleep. Knight-Commander Cullen was said to be more strict and less trusting of the mages even than Greagoir was. He ruled the Circle with fear.”

I’m sorry. But yeah. That’s the epilogue on two different choices involving the Circle’s fate in Origins. And it was ignored. I agree with that, too. But it wasn’t just Cullen that was ignored. It was the entire Circle at Kinloch Hold. If the mage warden sacrifices their own life, the Circle is supposedly free. Which... is not mentioned... ever again. And not to mention is impossible? Like okay thanks Anora or whoever but I don’t think you can just do that.

Poor writing.

I’d also like to mention for the record I did not like Cullen in Origins. I still don’t.

Now, I don’t know why exactly Cullen was brought back in DA2? I know his writer got bullied out of Bioware. I do not have an opinion on that. I mean the woman co-wrote my favorite part of Origins (Anvil of the Void). She also wrote Anders. Which I don’t think is a coincidence. People, men and women, often have this idea of fixing a broken person. It’s heavily romanticized. It’s called codependency. And you see it a lot in romance novels. But that’s another topic. It seems this writer implemented that in the game (along with some of her own personal things she had) without fully knowing Cullen would even be a romantic interest in Inquisition, but also still wanting to give him some sort reason to be desired. And all the while knowing Anders was fully romanceable. Even... a little forcefully... romanceable... if I may add... (I am uncomfortable) I also dislike some of Anders’ writing but that’s another post and I don’t want to compare the two. But Anders was the opposite side of Cullen that was done better because they had time to write it.

Regardless, Cullen seemed to hold some resemblance to his former character. But we do see a lot hesitance with him. He’s basically that “good” cop that doesn’t do anything when the bad cop is beating the shit out of everyone. Still not good, hence the quotes. Not a good guy. He has his meh he’s alright moments. And seems to generally disregard Hawke in every single way. But he’s still an ass hole for letting things happen the way that they did when he could very much so have put a stop to it. Maybe it was the writers’ intention to make it that way to show he was still suffering from trauma in Origins.

Again. Poor writing. BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW. DIDN’T HE KILL THREE PEOPLE, BIOWARE? ISN’T HE SUPPOSED TO BE KNIGHT COMMANDER IN FERELDEN, B I O W A R E??? WHAT. HAPPENED. BIOWARE.

So here’s the next thing. They decided to slip him into Inquisition for whatever reason. His writing was fair enough in DA2. Could have been better. But these people are still thirsty. They want some Curly. At the last minute, they throw romance on him. Not a bad idea. But are we supposed to forget the man was basically raped by desire demons? Is he even ok to have a relationship? OH WAIT THAT’S RIGHT. We didn’t closure on that because they ignored it.

Anyway, Cullen in Inquisition seems to be different. But because they couldn’t just, oh I don’t know, write a different character with the same traits but better, they had to somehow put the events of the previous games and how it affected him into this new current game where he supposed to be... better? Ish? Which is where we get the stereo type soldier with PTSD and a substance abuse problem. Now, if you’re any good with imagining and writing fanfic, then you probably know or already have figured out a way to connect everything better than Bioware could. But hey. Last minute romance written in on a character who was already all over the charts? Count me in. I like a good writing challenge. Poor girl who took the job of writing Inquisition Cullen likes a challenge too, apparently. Because it was her first big project. And she didn’t do a bad job. But imagine working hard on trying to write a character half the fandom hates into someone somewhat likeable just for everyone to shit all over it.

The way I look at it.... we have three different characters. And he is not really a good example to look at analyze wise. He is inconsistent. And was molded for Inquisition for thirsty fan girls. And some boys (I see you). A good example for study would be Morrigan. Or even Alistair. And Alistair is in several of the comics and still remains pretty consistent. Leliana is a prime example of character development over a course of three games. And I highly recommend you fall in love with her good and bad side because she is written beautifully. Don’t @ me.

Cullen, and I mean Inquisition Cullen, has a lot to like. And a lot to dislike. Every character is flawed. I think a lot of hate that gets tagged onto Cullen is really from poor writing. They really got lazy with him. And it is a shame. I feel like he could have been redeemed way better. He could have had one hell of a redemption. Or possibly just skipped over all together. I see a lot of posts about putting Samson in his place and I often agree. It was never quite the character that made him appealing to me. It was the personality. And they could have easily done with anyone. They could have made Samson sexy, too. It didn’t have to be sexy Cullen. And let’s face it. With Cullen’s writing in Origins and even some of the writing in DA2, Cullen siding with Coryphedouche is way more fitting than Samson.

Basically, it is up to us to fill in the gaps. So I love seeing fanfic with Cullen backstory. Because it gives better insight than what the writers could accomplish. And I applaud you if you’ve done that. BUT the over sexualization of this character is a bit... wrong. It feels wrong. And that’s all I’ll say to that. Personally, I’ve been working on some Cullen romance fic for awhile and it’s been challenging trying to find a way to make him less douchey. One minute, he’s yelling at you about mages. And the next, he’s got this soft tone and nervous look. Like, yeah... you can tell it’s rushed. And awful. And even the dialogue is just... painful. It doesn’t fit. (you can check my Cullen tag in blog to see how I feel about that). I will say that even speaking to him on a personal note, asking him questions about life as a templar, he even says he does not agree with the Order. And he wants to change his thinking. But he still gets angry when you go to side with the mages. It feels like they wanted redeem him but they also needed someone to side with the templars to provide conflict at the war table.

So in my opinion, calling him controlling and abusive is a bit of a stretch. He was clearly used by the writers. It just seems ridiculous to put so much effort in bashing the character when clearly... he was not planned out... or put together... I just... I don’t get...

I know what you’re thinking at this point: Kay.... why do you like him then?

Beacause. I am weak for a man who gets nervous around girls he likes. His awkward mannerisms despite being a man of power makes me weak. The need to protect also makes me weak. But also the ability to admit vulnerability makes me suuuuuper weak. So like I said. There was a lot there. It just was not delivered correctly. You know what I would have done? If I had to put him in the Commander shoes, I would have made the whole Kirkwall thing a life changer for him. Maybe even give him a soul searching type situation before joining the Inquisition. And definitely tell him to keep his mouth shut about siding with the templars.

Long story short: Ya’ll thirsted over a weird dude in Origins and Bioware went hmmmm okay. But by the time they gave him to you on a silver plate, it was last minute. Like you just found out your crush Jared is going to Becky’s party but you’re already at Jessica’s house and have like nothing to wear so you have to just wing it. And your shoes look tacky, but Jessica’s shoes don’t fit. So you either have to wear shoes that don’t fit or just look like omg total garbage. And Bioware went with the shoes that don’t fit. And Jared totally likes them.

I’m also going to say the most controversial thing on this entire post by just... saying... by calling Cullen out as trash without realizing the writing, the directive, the lack of development, the rush on this character, and the complete absolute bullying this community does to it’s FANS AND WRITERS kind of feels like you didn’t really put any effort into understanding why and just jumped on a band wagon. And the fact that some of you make other people feel bad for liking this character is awful. Some of the most toxic shit I’ve seen. Like maybe they like this character from Inquisition because, I don’t know, maaaaaaybe he was written out almost like a new character with a last minute fantasy romance.. because he kind of was...

Now for my opinion on Greg Ellis.

FUCK THAT GUY.

And that’s it. Thanks for stopping by. If you agree cool, if not cool. I’m not here to argue with anyone or say your opinion is invalid. We all have reasons why we hate or love the color blue. So we can all disagree or agree and live in peace and still love a game.

You can always message me, too, guys. I have a lot of opinions. And reasons for my opinions. And theories. And just things in general. But I will not hate characters written in Dragon Age. Someone wrote them. Someone is out there working their ass off to deliver a character. And I refuse to hate someone fictional.

[barnesthesarge]

A Bit Rusty

Shy!Bucky X Reader

Summary: Bucky’s new to the team but doesn’t know how to warm up to you.

Warnings: swearing (the usual), angst, fluff!!

If you want to support me and my writing, my ko-fi is in my bio!!!!

The welcome ceremony of Bucky being a new Avenger was short, much to his liking. He was a changed man, a man who’d gone through many phases of life but still had plenty left. He was pleased to be in his current stage, finally feeling like he was righting his wrongs, and doing something meaningful with his time.

He was starting to like being social over the isolation he kept himself in Wakanda, and although he was constantly at Sam’s throat, the two were becoming friends. He was friends with Nat, and the two often cleaned their weapons together, and friends with Wanda who always had Vision around, and Tony even liked to joke with him. The only person Bucky was still wary of, was you.

You were never mean, and you certainly weren’t intimidating like Natasha, you were quite the opposite. Dorky and sweet, incredibly smart and very beautiful. You somehow managed to make Bucky lose his train of thought just by entering a room, of course you didn’t even know. You were absolutely oblivious to his little crush.

So when you entered the kitchen and Bucky stopped telling his embarrassing story about Steve, eyes fell on you. “Morning.” You smiled awkwardly, feeling scrutinized.

“Hi Y/N.” Sam stood up and followed you to the coffee maker.

“What were you guys talking about?” You asked with a tiny giggle as Sam kept trying to steal your coffee mug.

“Oh, Tin-man was just telling me an old war story of our stupid friend Steve.” You swatted his hands away and looked over his shoulder at Bucky, who watched you both with a tiny smirk.

“Tin-man huh? You let him call you that?” You teased Bucky and his smile dropped into a frown.

“I don’t need permission from him to do anything.” Sam took a sip of your coffee and cringed, “Ew, too sweet Y/N.” He sat back down and you leaned against the counter nervously.

“Are you guys doing anything fun today?” You asked and gulped down your coffee, turning around to make another cup.

“Not really, you?” Sam piped up, you saw him shoot a strange look at Bucky out of the corner of your eye.

“I think I might go to the library, it’s nice having these days off where I actually get to enjoy myself.” You chuckled, mixing creamer and sugar into your second cup.

“Hey, Bucky didn’t you say you needed to turn some books in? Why don’t you go with Y/N.” He suggested, you turned to look at Bucky who in turn looked at you with a terrified expression.

Bucky’s jaw went slack for a moment, “Actually I’m not finished with my books.” Sam frowned.

You took it as a hint, “Yeah, I’m gonna go, see you guys later.”

You placed your mug in the sink and rinsed it out, retreating to your room to think about how Bucky definitely hated you.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'*ﾟ▽ﾟ*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

The next rainy Sunday morning found you excited for the Avenger’s movie marathon. Last month it was Harry Potter, but today was Star Wars. It was a new thing Tony decided to implement, since now there was two old men on the team, and Natasha who never watched movies. Tony was even able to drag Peter to the marathons, who always brought good snacks to share with you.

“FRIDAY, close the curtains.” Tony called out, the blackout curtains slowly went down, “Everyone ready?” He asked, earning many yes’s.

“Wait, I need to go to the bathroom!” Clint whined and exited his blanket tent he built around him and Nat, chasing it to collapse. She grumbled angrily as he sprinted out of the room.

You were comfy between Steve and Sam, Bucky on the other side of Steve. You shared a blanket with Steve and used his shoulder as a pillow. “Oh, while we wait, here’s your candy Y/N!” Peter tossed some chocolate and some skittles to you.

You gasped, “thank you Pete! If I could I’d hug you.” Peter grinned, nodding while Clint stumbled back into the room and rebuilt the fort.

Tony sat down and started The Phantom Menace, sitting beside Peter and stealing some of his candy. You relaxed into Steve and watched the movie, eating some Skittles and slyly giving some to Sam.

You were just getting to the middle of Revenge of the Sith when you started to fall asleep. It wasn’t intentional, because you loved the Star Wars Prequels the most. Steve was just so warm and comfortable you couldn’t help it.

You didn’t even hear him whisper to Bucky: “Hey, can you switch me spots? I’m dying of a heat stroke over here.” Bucky obliged and Steve leaned you onto Sam’s shoulder.

You noticed the difference in a couple minutes and grumbled, switching back to Steve’s side. You figured Steve had changed his position, because suddenly he smelled better and was even comfier than before. You wrapped your hand around his bicep and the other around his forearm and fell right back to sleep.

“Sam.” You heard the urgent plea and opened your sleepy eyes, you looked up at Bucky who looked down at you nervously, Sam pulled you off Bucky and onto his shoulder instead and Bucky left the room.

A sad sigh escaped your lips and you leaned against Sam, Peter left the room so Tony paused the movie. “Quick break time, Y/N wake up.”

You groaned and went into the kitchen for another soda, Bucky was talking to Peter in a hushed voice and Peter nodded at him, mouthing ‘sure of course Mr. Bucky’ and he walked up to you.

“Y/N can I sit next to you?” He asked, “Ned is really into these movies but I’m not, maybe you can teach me more about them!” You looked up and saw Bucky gauging your reaction.

“Of course Pete, lets make some popcorn.”

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'*ﾟ▽ﾟ*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

You woke up early and decided to make breakfast for everyone, quietly tiptoeing through the hallway into the kitchen. It was seven am, just thirty minutes until everyone was awake.

You lined bacon on tinfoil and set it on a timer in the oven, and then started on French toast that would later have fruit and cream cheese topping. At 7:25 you started the coffee maker and then waited. Like clockwork Natasha and Sam both came into the kitchen, Sam sporting a childish-grin.

“Good morning Y/N.” Sam dove right into making himself a plate, pressing an appreciative kiss to your cheek, while Natasha waited patiently.

“Thank you Y/N.” The redhead bumped her hip onto yours softly and made her plate, taking a quick bite of her bacon before she settled at the table.

The elevator beeped and Steve and Bucky got off, “Ooh, what’s this?” Steve peered over your shoulder, “I’m so glad I just worked out.” He grabbed a plate and handed one to Bucky who stood hesitantly to the side.

“I’m not really hungry.” He mumbled, pouring himself coffee.

Steve shot him a bewildered look, “You we’re just begging me to call it quits because you were starving, don’t be bashful and eat.” He demanded.

You made your own plate and sat down, ignoring the sting. Bucky didn’t bother putting anything besides blueberries on his French toast with two pieces of bacon. He sat as far away from you as he could.

Later, Clint came out and ate greedily, while Sam somehow convinced him to wash everyone’s dishes. You let Clint take yours while Tony strutted in to make more coffee.

“Wait who made French toast?” He asked, Steve replied saying you did and he smiled. “Angel Y/N, what would we do without you.” He patted your head affectionately as he passed by.

“Does this mean I have another dish to clean?” Clint groaned, “Wait! I wasn’t even the last to eat now! Tony is! No fair!” Clint stomped out of the room dramatically.

“Y/N, what’re you doing today?” Steve asked.

“Nothing, I figured I’d make everyone breakfast to say I did something.”

“Would you like to go window shopping around Brooklyn with me and Bucky?” He offered and Bucky stiffened in his heat.

“Oh that sounds lovely, but I don’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense, we’d both love if you went.” You nodded.

“Alright, when do you want to leave?” Steve gave you his signature smile and said in an hour.

You rushed to go change and shower, and once you were done you went to go tell Steve you were ready. His door was a crack open, you raised your fist to knock anyways but stopped when you heard loud voices.

“—Well I don’t want her going!” Bucky growled, “You said this was for me! I can’t believe you would invite her when clearly it’s the last thing I’d want.”

“Buck, come on! You just need a push in the right direction, remember? Those were your words just this morning!” You peaked to see flailing arms and Bucky’s upset expression.

“Yeah well I didn’t mean invite her to witness my episode of seeing what Brooklyn has become over the course of 70 years! You’re an asshole. I don’t even want to go! You guys go.” He grumbled, poking his metal hand into Steve’s chest aggressively.

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna keep brooding? Whatever Bucky, see how far it gets you.” Bucky went to step out of the room and turned back to face Steve.

“I don’t want her around me Steve. I can’t make this clear enough. The only thing she ever does is make me uneasy. Have fun in Brooklyn.” The door opened all the way and Bucky froze, seeing the tears in your eyes and how deflated your posture was.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to list—I’ve tried to make you like me..I’m sorry.” You stepped back before he could see you crying and went straight into your room.

You couldn’t get the horrible image of his shocked face, knowing that you heard his angry tirade about you. You sank against the door and cried for a long time. You hadn’t been disliked in so long, and you hated how sensitive you were.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'*ﾟ▽ﾟ*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

After a long day and night of refusing to leave your bedroom, even for dinner, you slept in until nine. You wondered just how long you were willing to isolate yourself, when there was a knock on your door.

You walked in front of the door, “Yeah?” You spoke into the intercom.

“Can I come in?” Steve asked, you clenched your jaw and opened the door.

Steve came in and shut the door behind him, sitting down on your bed. You crossed your arms and sat down next to him. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s not like you were the one talking about not wanting to be around me.” You sighed and leaned your head against his shoulder.

“You realize you only got a snippet of that conversation right?” You shrugged. “I didn’t mean to leave my door open in the first place, but Bucky came in yelling so I got distracted. You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“Yeah it makes a difference whether he says it behind closed doors or somewhere I can hear it right?” You stood up and paced away from the bed.

“That’s not what I mean Y/N.” You looked at Steve, who held a strangely guilty expression. “Look, Bucky..he’s a bit rusty with uh..” Steve licked his lips, “ladies.”

“What on earth are you going on about Steve? Barnes talks to Nat and Wanda just fine! He doesn’t have to like me Steve. I just wish that you would stop making excuses for him. Maybe it’s good I heard what I heard so I can stop trying so hard to be his friend!” You spat.

“Woah woah Y/N. Not trying to make excuses, look he doesn’t see you the same way he sees Natasha or Wanda. He’s friends with them but with you—“

“He doesn’t like me.” You finished for him, “Of course he doesn’t see me the same way.” You moved to stare out your window and bite at your lip upset.

“He actually likes you, like a lot.” Steve stood up and walked to stand beside you, “Bucky always asks about you, he always tries to secretly stare at you. He’s just so bad at admitting he likes the way you try to include him even though you don’t know him. And he doesn’t know how to flirt anymore, because that man died from falling off a train.” You looked at Steve weirdly, who was now watching you with a clouded stare.

“Steve?” You waved a hand in front of his face, squinting at him, “That’s kind of weird you know all that about Bucky.”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg. I can tell you about how he can’t stop thinking about when you fell asleep on his shoulder during Star Wars. Or how he likes that you read a lot too, he also tries to figure out what you’re reading to try and get to know you, and—“

“Steve what the hell.” You stepped away from him, “You’re overstepping way too much. You’re acting weird.”

“Listen to me Y/N, Bucky said he doesn’t even deserve to be close to you because of all the shit in his past, maybe that’s why—“

“Stop talking.” You growled, “If Bucky wanted me to know he would tell me, this is wrong Steve.”

“I guess you’re right, but see Bucky does want you to know, let me just..” He reached up and pulled off one of Tony’s prototypes for hologram disguises, and you felt energy course into your hands to defend yourself from whoever was using Steve’s face to get in your room to kill you.

Except under the mask was Bucky, with his hair pulled into a bun, an anxious expression on his face. He scratched the back of his neck, “Sorry I just didn’t think you’d let me in if..” he looked into your Y/E/C eyes and froze for a moment until he looked away, “If you saw that it was me.”

You pulled the energy back into your hands and got out of your defensive stance, you turned away and crossed your arms again. “What the fuck.” You mumbled.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I don’t know how to treat a crush anymore and I also don’t know what dating is like now...I just figured maybe—“

“Just shut up.” You turned back to face him and he immediately looked away, “Look at me.” You demanded.

Bucky’s shoulders went rigid, “I’m sorry.” He said again, he tapped his foot anxiously, “I’m not the man who fought alongside Captain America... Definitely not the one who gets the girl anymore.”

“Bucky, you realize that if you just, I don’t know, talked to me then we could’ve become friends, and I’d be more than willing to help you?” Bucky’s eyes dropped to the floor again, “Stop looking away you’re driving me crazy. This is all so sudden! And crazy! Why—“

“Because I didn’t know what else to do!” His eyes clamped shut, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell.” He opened his eyes again and stepped closer to you, “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do about this.” He gestured between you two.

“There isn’t a this Bucky.” You shook your head, “I would’ve helped you figure it out too.”

“Would’ve.” You heard the disappointment in his voice and wanted to kick yourself. “I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“Quit it, just—sit down.” Bucky sat on the bed while you paced back and forth in thought, “You’re telling me this entire time you pushed me away and blew me off because you didn’t know how to flirt with me?”

Bucky nodded slowly, “I just can’t believe you didn’t notice. Everyone has been teasing me about it since forever, and that’s why Sam and Steve always try to push us together.”

“Maybe you should’ve listened.” You fidgeted your hands.

“Yeah I know, but I don’t even know how to act around you. You’re something else Y/N. I’ve never met anyone like you, you’re so beautiful and so smart, and sweet to everyone, and I’ve seen you take bullets for the team—I just wanted to...” His eyes fogged up, “I just wanted you to be my girl.” Bucky didn’t even look into your eyes, “But between all the things I’ve done and my inexperience with dames, I know I’d never get far.”

“You haven’t even tried.” Bucky looked up at you sadly.

“Can I try now?” Bucky had a strange-almost pleading sound to his voice.

“Well according to you—and Steve—you have no idea what you’re doing, so how are you gonna try Bucky?” He blushed.

“I’m gonna ask around. And I’m gonna research it online, maybe I’ll go to the library and see if they have dating manuals.” He missed your silent laugh.

“Bucky you’re killing me, did you really just suggest a dating manual?” Bucky looked at you self consciously, “Why don’t you and I just go to the library together, and we can actually talk, and get to know each other.” You suggested and he beamed.

“Yes! Okay, Y/N lets go on a date!” You rolled your eyes, “Okay yeah I went too far on that one, Y/N, lets go hangout at the library.”

“That’s better. Just..don’t ever dress up as Steve again.”

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'*ﾟ▽ﾟ*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Six months later you and Steve were in the kitchen making cupcakes for everyone, he bumped his hip on yours and smirked, “So you and Bucky have been getting pretty close.”

You huffed, “And? What about it?” You cracked an egg and levitated a stray shell out, tossing it in the garbage, while Steve began mixing it.

“He seems really happy s’all. Are you guys getting serious?” He asked, his curious protectiveness kicking in.

You leaned against his shoulder and smiled to yourself so he wouldn’t see, “Yes.”

Steve dropped his big spoon in the bowl and turned you to face him, “Y/N, please tell me you aren’t going to—“

“Steve quit it, he’s not your baby, or your bitch. I’m not going to hurt him.” He nodded.

“Do you want to marry him?” He questioned innocently.

You blushed, “Why do you want to know? Did he put you to this?”

“No Y/N, I just want to know.” He stammered.

“I don’t think Bucky is ready for marriage.” Steve stirred the batter thoughtfully for a moment.

“Have you asked him?” He looked at you with a tiny smile.

“Why would I ask him that?” You cocked an eyebrow at him, “I think someday we could get married, but for now I just want to live in the present. I love Bucky, but it’s just one day at a time, ya’know?” Steve nodded.

“For what it’s worth, he’s never been stable with a dame, so something tells me he wants to marry you t—“ Steve walked into the kitchen and the Steve mixing the bowl froze.

The Steve that walked into the kitchen stared before getting ready to attack, but the one mixing quickly pulled off his mask and you sighed. “Bucky what the hell?!” Steve growled, smacking him on the arm harshly.

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t pretend to be Steve anymore.” You whined, “Why are you asking me abou—oh my god.” Steve furrowed his eyebrows and Bucky blushed a dark crimson.

“I’m so confused..” Steve eyed you both carefully, “Is there something you guys want to share?” He started to smirk.

“Steve get out.” You ordered and he sighed and left the room, “Bucky is this your way of asking me—“

“Doll I just wanted to see if you would ever be willing to get married, just wanted to see if I got the right girl on my arm..” The door opened again and Steve grinned like a child.

“Wait, you were borrowing my face to see if Y/N would marry you?! Holy shit! Y/N please tell me—“ Bucky shoved him back out the door and you giggled.

“Bucky I’m lucky to have you, and I love you, but I promise that if you ever decide to dress as Steve to ask me an important question like that again I’ll destroy you.” You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and kissed him slowly.

“So the answer is someday?” Steve had his head popped in the doorway.

“Yeah.” Bucky replied and kissed you again, causing the door to shut quickly with a cheer, and Steve’s footsteps running to Sam’s room. “Next time I might have to be Natasha just so you’re not onto me.”

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'*ﾟ▽ﾟ*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

A/N: Hehe I hope you guys liked this one, it was super fun to write. Anyways I wanted to end this by saying I’m headed off to college on Sep 20th and after that I’m not sure how often I’ll update, but since writing is like ,, my biggest passion, hopefully as often as possible. That being sad, college is expensive so if you wanna support me, my ko-fi is in my bio (-; all my taglists and requests are open! 💜

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[elliearchive]

DO ALL THE THINGS ON OUR MIND ➝ RYOVAN.

TAGGING ➝ Donovan Smythe, Rylan St. James.

LOCATION ➝ Aquarium, followed by Don’s car.

TIME FRAME ➝ 5/19, evening.

WARNINGS ➝ NSFW.

NOTES ➝ Rylan and Don think they can be platonic, but it turns into a date.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Had Rylan wanted to kiss Donovan as soon as he’d picked her up for their trip to the aquarium? Of course she had. But she’d stopped herself, because the point of today wasn’t to be all over each other like they had been as of late, it was to prove that they could still be friends, they could still hang out like they normally did. It was important to her, and she figured he felt the same way. However, she couldn’t help but feel a little nervous as she’d awaited his arrival, and Rylan had admittedly changed her outfit multiple times before finally deciding on floral printed pants and a black shirt tucked into them, leather jacket over the top. Maybe she looked a little dressy for a day at the aquarium with her friend, but she could ignore that, and assumed he would, too. It wasn’t like Donovan ever took notice of her appearance, she was pretty sure of it. She tried to make herself ignore his once she’d climbed into his car, though it was easier said than done, but she at least chose not to comment, and somehow managed to keep the conversation light and friendly the whole way there. “Has Tiger been missing me?” She asked, glancing over at her friend as they pulled into the parking lot, a frown settling onto her face as she mentally scolded herself for only now thinking about her cat. She’d been too focused on not checking out Donovan before. “I’m gonna come over once we’re done here today, work has just been kind of crazy lately. My cousin’s girlfriend wants to set up some kind of trauma program through SafeHouse for her patients, it’s actually really cool. But it’s been keeping my from my guys.” She pouted, unbuckling her seatbelt once they’d parked up. “Are you both managing to keep yourselves fed and taken care of without me?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

This was not a date. That was a lot easier for Donovan to believe when it was still just him in the car. This was just the two of them hanging out. Never mind the fact that he’d decided to put on a button up and a nice pair of jeans, and he wasn’t wearing a hat. He almost always wore a hat whenever he and Rylan hung out together because it was usually casual. This was supposed to be casual, but for some reason it didn’t feel that way this time. His eyes stayed fixed on her as she climbed into the car. She looked great. Was he allowed to tell her that? He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t really feel comfortable letting the moment slip away from him. “You look nice,” he smirked, glancing over at her. He let out a small chuckle and started driving them in the direction of the aquarium. “Your pants look nice. They’re fun. I like the floral print.” He assumed that was a good way to cover the fact that he had obviously been checking her out. That should not have been a surprise to her though. Not after the other night. Even if this was supposed to be just friends hanging out, it didn’t mean he was all of a sudden not attracted to her. He smiled as they pulled into the parking lot, nodding his head at her question. “He totally misses you. He’s been stuck with me and I’ve been ignoring him to hang out with the sheep.” The idea of her coming over made him happy, but it also made him nervous. He was certain if the two of them ended up alone at his place then it was going to ruin their plan of having a day of just platonic friendship. But he wasn’t going to complain. He reached over and unbuckled his seat belt, opening the car door and pulling himself out of the car. “That’s really awesome. I know you’re pumped to help more people.” He nodded his head as he made his way over to her car door, instinctively swinging it open. He shook his head and let out a small laugh, silently kicking himself for the gesture.“I’m one of your guys?” He grinned, leaning against the car door as he waited for her climb out. Alright, so that was flirting. But it was innocent and could be brushed over. “What do you want to check out first? I’ve never treated a penguin, so I’m leaning more toward checking out the polar exhibit.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Okay, so maybe she’d been wrong, maybe Donovan did take notice of her appearance every now and then. But Rylan chose not to think too deeply into the compliment, and instead just looked down at her pants, shrugging a shoulder. “They are pretty fun,” she agreed, “You look really good too, by the way.” The words had just kind of flowed out, like Don had opened a gate and she’d followed suit. She figured if he wasn’t worried, though, then maybe she shouldn’t be either. But she wasn’t trying to make a habit of it, at least not today. Rylan refused to admit that they couldn’t just be their usual selves with one another. She pouted over at him when he spoke. “Hey, don’t neglect my cat. It’s not like he can even hang out with Becca.” She paused, wrinkling her nose. “Or I mean, he can, but he won’t. I really don’t get why he hates her so much.” She knew, or at least hoped that he was kidding about ignoring him, of course. Don could pretend all he wanted, but he was a sucker for animals, that included Tiger. She’d been about to climb out of the car too, but had fumbled a little with the strap of her bag as she picked it up from where she’d tossed it down by her feet when she’d first climbed in, and by the time she’d positioned it across her body, the door had been opened for her. Rylan tried not to think anything of it, but she small, appreciative smile she flashed Donovan was kind of bashful somehow as she climbed out to join him. She decided to implement a little damage control, shaking her head in response. “No, not you. I meant Tiger and the sheep,” she teased, nudging him playfully with her elbow, before leading him toward the building. “Mm, I don’t mind. Penguins are fun, we can do that first. Are you planning on treating them while we’re here?” She questioned, nose wrinkling again. It wasn’t intentional, the way she stopped at the door to wait for Don to open it for her. She didn’t even think about it, she just did it. It might’ve concerned her if she’d realized.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Rylan didn’t compliment him very often. At least not before they’d crossed the point of no return with each other. Even before, whenever she did throw him a compliment, it didn’t mean anything. It was usually coated with sarcasm and the general playfulness they had with each other. This felt a little different. He was hopeful that she wasn’t looking at him because if she was then she would have seen the slight tint of red that crept onto his cheeks. “It’s because you’ve spoiled him and no other woman means anything to him. He only wants you,” Don joked. The relationship between Tiger and Becca was actually kind of hilarious. He felt sorry for the girl. He wouldn’t know what to do if any of his animals hated him. As much as he joked, he really did love Tiger and all of the animals he surrounded himself with. That should have been obvious by his choice in profession. “I think we both know I’m somewhere on that list,” he joked, making sure to shut her car door after she was done climbing out. They had always done this with each other. Just joked around. There was definitely a hint of flirtatiousness that wasn’t there before. It was obvious why, but they were both going to ignore that and try to have their fun day as friends. He followed her toward the door and stepped slightly ahead of her to open the door for the two of them, pausing to let her walk through it first. It was strange. They didn’t have to communicate that. And really, it should not have been happening. They were just friends. But somehow it still felt incredibly natural. “Maybe I am,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe I want to impress all of the aquarium patrons with my vet skills. Or maybe I just want to impress you,” he mumbled, letting out an uneasy laugh. He stared up at the signs, finding the direction of the polar exhibit that he wanted to see first. “Come on. It’s this way,” he said with a nod of his head. He reached out for her hand and started moving them in the correct direction.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Normally, when they were in Don’s car together, Rylan would be busy flicking through one of their many Spotify playlists and changing songs before they’d ended in that annoying way she always did. She would rarely be focusing on her friend, at least not in the sense that she’d be looking at him. She caught herself stealing glances now, though. It felt wrong, like she wasn’t supposed to be looking at him, but she could swear his cheeks had flushed a slight shade of pink following her compliment. She wasn’t going to point it out, though; hers had definitely done the same when he’d complimented her. “Well, he’s my baby. Of course I spoil him,” she agreed, shrugging a shoulder. If she was home enough, or had other animals around the house like Donovan did, she would’ve brought Tiger home with her. But it made more sense for him to be with Don, and Rylan knew he was taken care of with him. Besides, she was over there most of the time anyway. She shot him a look, smirking softly. “Somewhere. After the cat and the sheep.” Why she had the urge to kiss his cheek after teasing him was something she wasn’t trying to question, but she refrained, instead smiling gratefully as he opened the door for her. Her gaze landed on him as he joked — at least she thought it was a joke — about impressing her. “You always impress me,” she admitted, unable to bite back the words. He was impressing her now, holding doors for her, complimenting her outfit. It was nice. It was different, maybe even kind of weird, but it was impressive, and Rylan wasn’t afraid to tell him so. Nor did she question how easily her hand held onto his, their fingers lacing as he led her in the right direction. For a moment, she walked in silence, almost biting her tongue, before that forward, filterless side of her took over.“Best friends don’t hold hands, you know?” She laughed softly, but had no intention of letting go. In fact, she tightened her hold on him slightly, watching him through her lashes. “No getting ahead of yourself here, buddy.” She almost stopped herself, she really almost did. But that wasn’t Rylan, she didn’t keep her thoughts to herself, so she was continuing shortly after, stopping in her tracks and tugging him closer. “But don’t let go, okay? It might break my heart if you did.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

All of this should have felt weird. The way they were teetering between being just friends and this being some sort of date. But it didn’t feel weird for Donovan. He was already enjoying himself, despite the small amount of nervousness bubbling around in his stomach. “I spoil him a little bit too,” Don admitted with a shrug. He definitely spoiled all of his animals, but it was the worst with Tiger. Probably because he shared him with Rylan and he knew whenever she was around, the cat was being pampered, so Don wanted to offer him the same thing. His eyes didn’t leave her as she stepped out of the car. He felt like there was a moment, like there was something she was slightly holding back from. “I always impress you?” He questioned, his grin never leaving his lips. “That’s a lot to live up to. It’s a good thing I don’t have any plans to start disappointing you now.” Grabbing her hand was an instinct. They were walking together. He just wanted to make sure they were moving in the right direction. At least, that was how his mind justified the act. In reality, he just wanted to hold her hand. He just wanted to feel close to her. Even if it wasn’t really the right thing to do on their platonic outing. He just could not help himself. Finally, she spoke up. His eyes glanced over at her, a small awkward chuckle leaving his lips. She was correct. Best friends didn’t hold hands as they walked through the aquarium together. Even more nervousness was building up inside of him as he waited for her to tell him to let go. Or for her to just retract her hand and not hold onto his anymore. It would break his heart, but he was breaking the rules and boundaries they’d set for the evening. He could feel his thumb instinctively rubbing softly against the skin on her hand as he listened to her speak, a small smile spreading across his face.“I don’t want to let go,” he spoke up, glancing over at her. “Holding hands with you is really just the start of what I’ve wanted to do since I picked you up.” The words left his mouth before he could really think about them. He let out another small awkward chuckle before finally pulling his eyes away from her and back to the exhibit. “Do you want me to go full on nerd tonight and talk about every animal? Or would you prefer to just take it all in yourself?”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

This wasn’t just like the two of them hanging out the way they usually did, Rylan couldn’t even pretend to herself that it was. It was supposed to be, but it wasn’t. She normally didn’t have to question her behavior, nor stop herself from looking his way. But that was exactly what she was doing right now, and no matter how normal she tried to act, it was really very forced. “Of course you do,” she teased, “You’re a major softie. Especially when it comes to the animals. And to me.” He always had been, even before they’d hooked up and begun doing whatever they were currently trying to pretend they weren’t doing, Donovan had always seemed to have a soft spot for Rylan, even only platonically. It was definitely the same vice versa. “You do always impress me. But don’t let it go to your head too much.” That felt forced, the part where she was telling him not to let it go to his head, even though that was something she usually would’ve said without thought. Maybe this was stupid, trying to push aside any deeper feelings, but Rylan was going to keep trying. She refused to lose Don’s friendship, it seemed necessary to her that they make this work. Even if the feeling of his hand in hers was as natural as it was, and definitely not something they’d do platonically while walking around an aquarium together. Evidently, she wasn’t the only one who’d realized it, and as vulnerable as she felt telling him not to let go, she couldn’t help the small smile his words brought to her lips, her cheeks heating up slightly. Rylan chose not to respond, even though she definitely agreed. “You can go full on nerd. You’re nerdy with your animals, I’d be sad if you held that back,” she laughed, shrugging a shoulder. Her hand held comfortably onto his as they continued to walk, and she found herself looking up at him, just eyeing him for a moment. “What else have you wanted to do?” She finally asked, apparently no longer holding back. “Since you picked me up.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

“What can I say? I have a soft spot for the things I care about,” Don muttered out, glancing over at her. Tonight was weird. He found himself saying the things he promised himself he wouldn’t. This was supposed to be an evening between friends, but friends didn’t say the things he was saying to her and friends didn’t have to stop themselves from looking over at her. He knew how badly he wanted to stare over at her, but he was fearful about what would really transpire if the two of them made eye contact for too long. A soft chuckle left his lips in response to her joke. He loved joking around with her, but it felt weird. It felt like they were both trying too hard. They didn’t want to be teasing each other like this. At least Donovan didn’t. He wanted to kiss her. He always wanted to kiss her. Maybe he didn’t notice it before they’d taken that plunge together, but he was very aware of it now. He liked her and whenever they were together, he was thinking about kissing her. It was impossible for him not to. Holding her hand was easy. Because it was something he wanted. It felt natural. And having her confirm that she didn’t want him to let go made it feel even better. He would hold her hand for the rest of their trip if that was what she wanted. It was definitely what he wanted. But he could see why this was all so complicated. Their friendship was so important, but this connection they had to the two of each other was clearly too much for the two of them to ignore. “Full on nerd it is. You don’t have to ask me twice,” he said with a small laugh. He turned his gaze straight ahead as they kept walking, her words pulling him out of his thoughts and back on her. He sent her a small smile as he looked over at her, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ve wanted to kiss you,” he mumbled out, his eyes glancing at her lips for a moment. “But I know we’re not doing that tonight,” he said, his voice getting softer. “Right?”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

It was so hard not to find herself smiling and blushing at the things Don said. She could try to be conscious to wipe away her smile, but the blush? She couldn’t do anything about that, so Rylan was hopeful he would just ignore it. It was just nice to hear that he cared about her, despite her of course knowing that already. They were being dumb really, by trying to change what was naturally occurring. If only Rylan wasn’t so damn stubborn, she’d let down her guard, but it just wasn’t that easy, so instead she just quietly enjoyed the feeling of Don’s fingers laced with her own, and of just being in his company. It wasn’t like she suddenly couldn’t be herself, she definitely felt comfortable with him, despite the act, and the mention of him also being his nerdy self and geeking out about the sea life had her grinning in response. “That’s what I was hoping. It’s fun when you know all of your facts. Impressive, even,” she winked. It was dangerous territory, joking around with him. Because it wasn’t just joking anymore, it felt like flirting now. Asking him what he wanted was dangerous too, but she couldn’t help herself. Mostly because she knew that whatever it was, she wanted it, too. He confirmed that for her when he spoke. “Right,” she nodded, voice as soft as his. The same way Don’s gaze drifted down to her lips, Rylan’s moved to his, but she shook it off quickly, looking back at his eyes again. That was maybe an even worse idea; she was finding they were easy to get lost in. She could feel her heart beginning to race, and her voice quietened further as she continued. “So how come that’s all I can think about, Don? Kissing you.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Donovan hadn’t stopped smiling since he’d picked her up. That wasn’t anything unusual. They always had fun together, but this smile was a little different. For all intents and purposes, this was a date. He could try to deny it all he wanted, but the way he was trying to make her smile, how he was holding doors open for her, and even with the way they were unapologetically holding onto each others’ hands. It was clear that this was something. At least for him. He’d given up on trying to read Rylan. Although, it was becoming more evident that he didn’t have to read her. She was opening up to him all on her own. For some reason, she was able to be more vulnerable with him and admit things he really never saw coming. “Impressive, huh? I was hoping for cute,” he teased. This was definitely flirting. It could not be mistaken for anything else. He was flirting with her. And it seemed like she was enjoying it and was definitely flirting back. He didn’t know what was wrong with them. Why couldn’t they just be friends? Why was there this undertone of sexual chemistry every time they were in a room together now? He didn’t really know why. All he knew was that it was there now. They were attracted to each other and it didn’t seem like it was going to go away anytime soon. Hearing her confirm that they weren’t going to kiss tonight was somehow relieving and disappointing at the same time. He could tell by the tone of her voice and the way her eyes met his that maybe she was not so sure that they weren’t going to kiss. He knew he wasn’t. “I know why it’s all I can think about,” he mumbled out, finally stopping their walk in the direction of the penguins. “I can’t speak for you, but I can speak for myself. I like you. My heart’s about to fall out of my chest and all we’re doing right now is looking at each other. I think you like me too,” he mumbled out, his voice getting softer. He took a step closer to her as he continued to hold onto her hand, staring down at her. “Am I right?”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Unless in a sarcastic or patronizing way, Rylan had never called Donovan cute. But the moment he said it, it was really all she could think about, how freaking cute he was. When he got all passionate and nerdy about anything, especially animals, he was just so damn cute, and she couldn’t even deny it. So, she didn’t. Nor did she agree, but the look on her face definitely did the talking for her. Honestly, she hated this. She hated how weird it was to be together right now, and she hated that the way she was acting, pretending like this wasn’t what it was, was making it weird. Maybe that was why she’d dropped her barrier and finally asked the question they were both thinking. She focused entirely on Donovan again as he stopped walking. Her hand held a little more tightly onto his, using him as comfort, and when he stepped forward, her gaze lowered to his lips once again. He was right, they both knew he was, even without her confirming so. “I just wanted us to be able to hang out, just like we usually do,” she spoke softly, meeting his gaze. There was a small smile on her lips, her expression almost a little defeated. “But I don’t think we can do that anymore, you know? Because I don’t think we are what we used to be. But I also don’t think that has to be a bad thing.” Where all of this was coming from was anyone’s guess, but it was clear that it needed to be said, and with her hand in Don’s, taking that protection from him, it was easier to do that. “You’re right,” she nodded her head, voice softer still. “I think we’re stupid pretending like this is just two friends hanging out, huh? I think I want more than that.” She paused, shaking her head. “No, I know I do.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

They were masters at communicating without words to each other. Donovan didn’t need to hear her say anything to really know what she was thinking. He didn’t have to hear her say the words that she thought he was cute, he could tell by the look on her face that she was holding back. He knew her too well. And he knew that she knew him too well also. Things between them were so awkward and so natural at the same time. Things were awkward because they were clearly trying to hide the fact that something was going on between them. They were trying to force themselves back into the friend zone when they had really outgrown that relationship. They couldn’t go backwards. It just didn’t seem to be working. That was what had possessed him to be so open and honest with her. He couldn’t hold back anymore. It was starting to become painful really. He needed her to know how he felt. He couldn’t deal with more awkward encounters with her where he head to pretend like he didn’t want to kiss her. He wanted to lay everything out on the line. He needed to see how she felt. Because he clearly had strong feelings for her. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing either,” he spoke up, his voice still quiet. He didn’t really know where these feelings had come from. Well, he did. It all started when they were back in Rhode Island, but he didn’t know it was all going to make him feel like this. She made his heart race in a way he didn’t really think was possible. A few weeks ago, she was still just his best friend. Now? He didn’t know what they were, but he knew he wanted more. “I want more than that, too.” He didn’t really know what he meant by that. If he wanted them to use certain labels or anything like that. He just knew he wanted to be able to kiss her when he wanted to. He took another step closer to her, closing whatever gap was left between the two of them as he took in a deep breath. “So is this a date now?”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Whether this was supposed to be happening or not, it was, and Rylan could spend time trying to deny it like she had been after their initial hookup, and like she had been trying to do so far today, but where was it going to get them? It was just going to push them further apart, if things continued like this, so talking things out seemed to make the most sense. Rylan really wasn’t one to hold back in general, though feelings were a little harder for her to talk about. This wasn’t just some random person, though. This was Donovan Smythe, the man she trusted the most in the world. If she couldn’t talk to him, who could she? It helped that he was contributing too, and as usual, they seemed to be on the same page. The way he agreed with her caused her smile to widen a little bit, and while Rylan didn’t know exactly what either of them meant about wanting more, she knew that something was changing for them in that moment, and it wasn’t something she was going to fight. Nor was the way he stepped toward her, her heart beating harder as her eyes fixed up on his face. Finally, she let go of his hand, but only so she could raise her arms to wrap both around his neck, instantly tightening them to draw him as close as possible. PDA wasn’t really her thing, but it wasn’t like the place was exactly crowded, so it was okay. “It’s a date,” she confirmed quietly, standing up on her tiptoes to press her lips softly to Don’s, the way she’d wanted to this whole time. Something had been missing, and it became clear to her instantly that that’s what it was, that feeling of his lips against her own. However, she made sure not to linger too long, and pulled back to look at him again, arms still around him. “I don’t want you to hold back anymore, okay? And I’m not going to either. This is a date… It’s a first date.” Finally, she unwrapped her arms from around him, holding out her hand for him to take again. “Let’s start our date.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Don knew that pretending like all of this wasn’t happening would have been the easier choice. Actually, it clearly wasn’t the easier choice. Neither one of them had actually been good at keeping things platonic. They both cared a great deal about their friendship, but holding back and pretending like they didn’t have any sort of romantic feelings for each other seemed absolutely impossible. It was more work than just being vulnerable and coming out with everything. It was exhausting. He wasn’t allowing himself to really look at her or really say all of the things he wanted to say. It was relief to know that they were both on the same page. That wasn’t working. His eyes stayed on her as she dropped his hand, wanting to know exactly what she was going to do next. The smirk on his face grew wider as she wrapped her arms around him. PDA was definitely not his thing. That’s why it was so surprising that his body just needed to hold her hand earlier. And it was definitely surprising that he wasn’t pulling away from her. He couldn’t. He’d wanted to be this close to her the entire night. Just because they were in public, he was not going to miss his chance to hold her. Then he felt her lips against his, and he realized that was the real closeness he’d wanted the entire night. Since the moment he’d picked her up, it just felt like they were both holding back. He was glad that was not a thing anymore. They were done stifling their feelings. “No more holding back,” he mumbled out in agreement with a nod of his head. He took in a deep breath as he took ahold of her hand, the grin on his face becoming even more obvious. “I need to say something. I told you that you looked nice earlier and you do… But you look beautiful, Ry,” he said, staring over at her once they’d started walking again. “Check it out. We’re at the penguins. Fun fact. There are eighteen different types of penguins,” he explained with a small laugh. “You said you wanted full nerd.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

It really shouldn’t have been, considering they’d been best friends their entire lives, but this, with her arms around Don’s neck, her lips pressed against his, was the most comfortable Rylan had felt this whole evening. Clearly, just friends wasn’t working for them anymore. This was what they were supposed to be doing, there was no denying how right it felt. She could finally relax, in spite of how fast her heart was racing. Because this was how things were supposed to be, and Rylan was glad that Don seemed to agree, too. “Good,” she breathed, glad that they were on the same page. Though that wasn’t all too surprising; they generally were. Her hand slipped easily into his own, and she made sure to walk closely by his side, looking up at him he began to speak. The compliment caused her cheeks to heat up once more. “And you look the most handsome I’ve ever seen you looking,” she agreed, her thumb brushing softly over the back of his knuckles. “Well, actually, you did look really good in that suit at the party the other week.” Her lips curved into a small smirk, the fact that she could actually say what was on her mind making her feel much more free, much more comfortable with their situation. She’d been so focused on Don that she hadn’t even been paying attention to where they were walking, but looked up as he motioned to the exhibit, unable to hold back her soft laugh. “I did want full on nerd, you’re right. You’re very cute when you’re going full on nerd.” She grinned up at him, allowing her gaze to drift down his body. “Did you dress like this specially for me, by the way?” Her free hand moved up to gently touch his chest over his sweater. “You’re kind of dressy for an aquarium. Then again, I can’t really say much. I was kind of trying to impress you, too.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Don could feel the tension leave his body the moment their lips met. He had been waiting for that moment the entire night, but it was never a guarantee. Quite the opposite actually. They weren’t supposed to do anything like this. But he was glad they’d both let their guards down and they ended up how they were actually supposed to. It was a good thing that they usually agreed with each other, but it was even better that they agreed on how they were feeling. They both wanted this to be a date. They didn’t want to hide what they were feeling and pretend like they were game for being just friends. And that was good. As worrisome as it was to be on a first date, the fact that he was on a first date with his best friend, somehow made him feel calmer than it should have. “I don’t even compare to you,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. The smirk on his face only grew wider when she complimented him. He could still remember how amazing she’d looked when they were back in Rhode Island. His outfit still didn’t compare either. If you were to ask him, he would definitely say she was the better looking one in their pair. “You looked really hot that night. I’d never forget that dress.” And that was true. He would never forget that dress. How great she looked in it, or how he’d pushed it up her thighs when they were together in that bathroom. Those were images he was never going to forget. Thinking about her made his eyes light up. Reaching the penguin exhibit had a similar effect on him, but it definitely was not as bright. “Well, if you think I’m cute even when I’m talking about penguins then I must be doing something right,” he said with a smirk. He glanced down as her hand rested on his chest, a grin appearing on his face in response to her question. “I changed five times,” he admitted with a small chuckle. “I was nervous,” he said with a small sigh. “I know everything about you and you know everything about me, but somehow you can still make me nervous.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

In the short amount of time since they’d hooked up back in their home state, they’d come a pretty long way. Rylan had dealt with that internal struggle of whether to even admit anything had happened or not, and they’d both done their best to put on an act around one another. Maybe they could’ve fought harder to keep pretending, but as the tension between them seemed to instantly dissipate with the touch of their lips, it became clear that this was the right move for them, and Rylan was already enjoying herself and their time together more. She was also very interested to see how Donovan Smythe acted on a date, but she’d keep that to herself. She wasn’t trying to make him nervous; if he felt anything like her, he would be already. “We’re so not having a who looks the best fight right now,” she chuckled, playfully rolling her eyes. “We’re both super hot, how about we leave it at that?” Of course, Rylan was never going to forget that dress either. Not after Don had slid it up her thighs the way he had, or how he’d peeled it off of her body in the hotel room and kissed along her back as more skin had been revealed. There were many things she wouldn’t forget about that night, just like she was sure there would be tonight, too. Even more so now that she could truly enjoy it. “Can I tell you a secret?” She quirked a brow up at him, her smile almost a little smug. “I always think you’re cute. I did even before now. But the penguin facts are just adding to it.” He could really talk about anything right now and she’d probably find it adorable, though. Like the idea of all of his outfit changes. Rylan bit her lip gently in response. “I may have done the same thing,” she admitted, laughing quietly at the thought, before she found herself shaking her head. “We’re such idiots, aren’t we?” She teased, squeezing his hand. “This was always going to be a date, you know? Whether we realized it or not.”Maybe on some level, she meant it in a general sense. Even before any of this had started, maybe they really were always going to end up here. “You make me nervous too,” she admitted in a softer voice, “But the good kind of nervous. Does that make sense?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Don was glad they were not pretending anymore. It took way too much effort. It was a lot easier to just let himself enjoy being around her the way he truly wanted to. He liked being able to hold her hand without feeling guilty that he was ruining their friendship. He figured they both had realized that keeping everything bottled up wasn’t exactly helping their friendship either. It was just leading to moments of intense sex where they had to release all of the tension that had built up between them. Not that he was complaining about the sex, it just wasn’t practical. “We don’t have to have the fight. Because I know the truth,” he said playfully. He liked things between them. How it still felt like a night out with his best friend, but it was also clearly a date. A date that they both had agreed to. There was definite nervousness. He wanted to make a good impression. He wanted there to be a second date. He wanted the chemistry that they clearly had in bed to translate into actually dating one another. He didn’t have any fear of that though. They were already meshing well together. The smile on his face hadn’t gone anywhere since he’d picked her up. He raised a curious eyebrow at her when she proposed that she tell him a secret. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” He asked with a smirk. It was probably for the same reason he never really complimented her before now. That just wasn’t what they were like before hooking up at the party. They were both clearly in just friends mode before then. “Did you know that some penguin ancestors survived the extinction of dinosaurs?” He said with a smirk. “Sorry. I’m just trying to make sure you see just how cute I am.” He knew he probably didn’t have to try so hard. It was the same with her. She was effortlessly beautiful to him. There wasn’t a single thing she had to say or do to make him see that. “It was?” He questioned, looking over at her. A certain phrase played over in his mind.Something she’d say when they’d hooked up. It should’ve always been him. Deep down, he knew that was the truth. “It does make sense. It’s like riding a rollercoaster. I’m nervous, but I know I’m going to have fun and enjoy every single second of it.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

It was kind of funny to think about a time now where this really would’ve just been a platonic day out for them. Where they wouldn’t be holding hands, and maybe Don would be texting Tramp Stamp to figure out a hookup for later that night or something. Because this was just so normal, holding hands and walking closely side by side. To anyone who saw them, they wouldn’t think anything of it. They wouldn’t think they were just friends before, or that this was only a first date. They would think they’d been together forever. It was nice to know that they could still tease each other, and Rylan rolled her eyes again as Don pushed. “You’re such a dork sometimes,” she teased, pausing for a moment as she pretended to think. “Wait. I know why you think I look so good today.” She glanced down at her floral pants. “I’m dressed like Robin.” Had she considered for half a second dyeing her hair back to her natural blonde again when Don had joked about thinking her sister was the hottest? Maybe. But it had been a fleeting thought, one she hadn’t understood or allowed herself to question. She kind of wanted to see now if he’d still keep up that joke. “People don’t tell their best friend they’re cute,” she responded with a small shrug of her shoulder. “But I can tell you that now, because you may still be my best friend, but we’re also on a date, so it’s allowed.” She hadn’t been lying, his penguin facts really were cute, and she listened intently as he spouted off more, responding with a small laugh. “You don’t have to do anything to make sure I see it, Don. I see it, trust me.” Rylan nodded her head. “Did you know baby penguins are fluffy?” She glanced up at him, biting back a smile. “I mean, I think they are anyway. They are in Happy Feet. Does my penguin knowledge impress you, too?” Her brows rose and fell playfully. If he was going to try to be cute, then so was she. Not that either of them needed to do anything in particular, she already knew that.“It was,” she nodded, offering him a genuine smile. Her thumb continued to brush soothingly over the back of his hand. “It’ll be the best rollercoaster. I mean, you’ve already ridden it, so you know you like it.” She paused, bringing her free hand up to cover her eyes and letting out an awkward laugh. “God. That was terrible wording, wasn’t it?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

There wasn’t anyone Don would have rather have been there with on a date. Not Tramp Stamp or any of the other girls he’d dated over the years. He wanted to be there with Rylan and he was glad that he was. Everything between them felt good. Even if she was teasing him about the many times he’d joked about his crush on her sister. “You figured me out. This is all a ploy to steal your pregnant sister from her intimidating basketball playing boyfriend.” A soft chuckle left his lips as he shook his head. Clearly, his thing about Robin had always been a joke. He wasn’t interested in any of her family members. Until very recently, it hadn’t really hit him that he was interested in her, but he was. Robin, Regan, and Roman were like his sisters. But Rylan was something different. He’d always felt differently about her and he never really knew why. He just figured it was because they were best friends. He was closest to her. Their bond was something different. “I’ve only ever had a crush on one St. James sister,” he muttered out with a small smirk. “I’ve wanted to tell you that you’re hot for years, but you can’t say that to your best friend,” he agreed with a shrug. It was nice to know that she had similar thoughts about him. As much as he loved being able to spout off penguin facts, he liked the fact that she thought it was cute even more. No one was really all that interested in his nerdy facts, but she seemed to like them. And it didn’t seem like an act. It always felt like Rylan liked his nerdy side. “Your penguin knowledge is amazing. Instant boner, actually,” he teased, letting out a laugh. He could not help but laugh at how adorably awkward she was. It was pretty damn funny to witness it. “You’re such a nerd,” he joked, shaking his head. “It’s cute. You being so awkward. I’ve seen you be a lot of things, but nervous on a first date is not one of them.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

If she didn’t know Don well enough to know when he was teasing, she would’ve maybe been a little jealous. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. “That’s okay, I’m using you to get to Liz anyway,” she shrugged a shoulder, her expression smug as she looked up at him. “Fiancé. Don’t let her hear you calling him her boyfriend, she flips out.” Rylan chuckled at the thought; her sister and Grant were ridiculous. The same could probably be said for her and Don, though. “Ugh, I knew you had a thing for Regan,” she teased, bumping him gently with her hip. Her smile became a little less playful and a little more bashful as he complimented her again, though. “You think I’m hot?” She questioned, something she never thought she’d like hearing so much. Rylan knew she was hot, but it was even better hearing it from Don. He was hot, too. But also cute, especially with his facts, and she really was interested in hearing them. Even if she did think it made him even more dorky. That definitely wasn’t a bad thing. She grinned at his response. “I knew it. Just wait until you start telling me things about sharks. Panty dropper material,” she winked, barely even thinking about it as she lifted their clasped hands to pull his arm around her shoulders. Her fingers remained intertwined with his as she walked comfortably beside him. Her cheeks had flushed a shade darker at her own poor wording, but she could at least laugh about it, and squeezed his hand playfully when he did the same. “I’m not nervous. Or not super nervous anyway. Just adjusting,” she explained, looking over at the exhibit, then focused on Don again. “I know we’ve been wanting to do this for a while, the whole aquarium thing, but now that it’s a date I kind of just want to focus on us. You maybe wanna go grab a burger or something?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

“You’ll never get Liz. I think I might be the Smythe you’re stuck with.” The laughter falling from his lips probably made it incredibly obvious that he knew she was kidding. Although, the idea of Rylan being interested in someone that wasn’t him almost made his stomach hurt. He knew it was too early to think like that. This was their first date, but deep down, he’d sort of always been a little jealous of the people she’d date. And he never really knew why. It was painfully obvious now why the idea of her spending her time with someone else, having their hands all over her, it wasn’t something he liked picturing. He could not help, but chuckle at the thought of him having a crush on Regan. Clearly, that would never be the case. The girl next to him was clearly the St. James sister he had a big crush on. It was obvious. And it was becoming more and more obvious that she felt the same way about him. The way it was evident that she had become a little more bashful after he complimented her on how hot she was. “You are incredibly hot,” he said with a smirk. That wasn’t news to him. He always thought Rylan was hot. He would have been blind not to notice how hot his best friend was before. “Oh yeah?” He spoke up, raising one of his eyebrows. “Did you know that sharks don’t have bones?” He questioned, leaning closer to her to whisper into her ear. “Those panties ready to drop yet?” He teased. He smirked as he felt his arm wrap around her, enjoying the feeling of being close to her. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of her head, placing a small kiss on it as she spoke. “Well, you’re still cute. Nervous or not,” he grinned. He nodded his head at her suggestion. It didn’t really matter where they were, he just wanted to spend time with her. And actually sitting down with her sounded like a good idea. “Sounds great, Ry,” he agreed with a smile. He motioned up ahead of them at an exit door. “I don’t really care what we do. I just want to be with you.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

“I don’t know about that. Once she sees how charming I am with you, she’ll leave her husband and she’ll fall right into these arms,” Rylan smirked, lifting her arm as if to welcome his sister in. Of course, the hand holding onto Donovan’s tightened its grip a little, because even though they were clearly joking, she also wanted to remind him that she was there with him. He was who she wanted to be with. His sister definitely wouldn’t have gotten the reaction from her that Don did after telling her that she was hot. “And you’re winning yourself first date points here already, babe,” she grinned up at him, glad that even if she was blushing at the compliment, she could still be her regular old playful self with him. Although she was serious, he was totally winning points. The same way Don’s brow raised, so did Rylan’s as she listened to his shark fact. “Really?” She questioned, genuinely intrigued. Then he was leaning in, and the way he whispered in her ear caused goosebumps to rise on the back of her neck. “Not yet, but get that close to me again and they’ll be coming right off,” she smirked, only kind of joking. Rylan really didn’t want this to only be a sexual thing between them, but she couldn’t deny that that was definitely a factor for them. It wasn’t concerning, though, considering he could then do something as sweet as pressing a kiss to the top of her head, and she was back to melting over how adorable he was. “I like that,” she said softly, turning to reach up and press her own lips gently to his cheek, “I like being able to kiss each other whenever we want to.” Like him, she just wanted them to be together, so nodded in agreement as she looked up at him, before heading off toward the door and back out to his car. “How needy does it make me sound if I say we should eat whatever we get in your car so it can just be us? Because I don’t know if you know this or not, but I don’t really want to share you right now.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Don could not help but smirk down at his date as he nodded his head at her joke. “You are pretty irresistible,” he grinned. He wasn’t threatened at all about their teasing, but he was thankful for the tightening of the hold she had on his hand. He liked that she wanted him to know that she was there with him. That it didn’t matter how much they joked around. They were really just interested in each other. There really wasn’t a single person he would have rather have been holding hands with. Rylan was always the person he wanted to spend time with anyway. Now that there were these confusing feelings involved, it just made that even more prevalent. He could feel his cheeks heat up at her calling him babe. It wasn’t the first time she’d called him a term of endearment, but it was always nice to hear. “How many points am I already up to, babe?” He questioned, not being able to wipe the grin off his face. He was a naturally goofy, happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but the amount of smiling he’d done since he picked her up was even making his face hurt. “I guess I’ll save that move for later in the night,” he teased. Not that he even really needed any moves. She didn't need any moves with him. He was fully attracted to her no matter what. He wasn’t really worried that their relationship was only going to be rooted in sex. They were best friends. They were always going to have a connection beyond wanting to see each other naked. It was just that the sex part of it all was so new. It had been completely uncharted territory before, and it was obvious that they both enjoyed it. It felt nice to feel her lips press against his cheek. And he completely agreed with her. Being able to kiss each other whenever they wanted to was definitely something he was interested in. “We can totally drive through it,” he chuckled as they made their way to his car.“Just don’t brag to people that I took you out for our first date to a Sonic,” he joked. He slid in front of her, pulling himself away from her to open her car door for her once they’d approached his car. “You don’t have to worry about sharing me,” he said with a smirk as he waited for her to climb in. “I’m all yours tonight.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Playfully, Rylan let her brows rise and fall suggestively, rather than verbally agree. Evidently, he did find her kind of irresistible, otherwise they wouldn’t be here right now, they wouldn’t be doing this. She was definitely happy that they were, and it was clear that she found Don pretty damn irresistible, too. She pretended to think. “Mm… Well, you get one for calling me hot, and one for how good you’re looking. Oh and a third for that kiss back there. Make it all the way up to ten and maybe you’ll get a reward,” she smirked, although she was joking; it was probably inevitable that they were going to end up all over each other when they were alone later whether he racked up his points or not. “You won’t need any special moves then.” It was nice to know that they were on the same page here, and that Donovan wanted the alone time just as much as she did. The aquarium was fun, and normally she’d love to walk around it and hear Don spouting off fish facts, but this wasn’t just a day out anymore. She liked the idea of it just being the two of them now. “Deal,” she grinned, holding out her pinky to lace with his. “But you’re paying. A gentleman always pays on the first date.” Rylan offered him a smile as he opened the door for her, sliding into the passenger seat and buckling up as she waited for him to get in, too. “That’s total bullshit, by the way. About the guy having to pay. I just like reminding us both that we’re on a date.” It was still weird, but a good kind of weird, and she had to keep reminding herself that she didn’t have to hold back. So, leaning across the center console, she placed her hand delicately against his cheek, guiding his face toward her and pressing her lips against his, a little more firmly than she had done in the aquarium. “All mine, right?” She asked as she pulled back, eyes scanning his.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

A reward sounded extremely tempting, but Don was sure they were going to end up having their hands all over each other at some point tonight anyway. It was a hard enough struggle keeping his hands off her while they were just walking around the aquarium. And he definitely wanted to be alone with her. Not because he was motivated by hooking up with her again, even though that was definitely a plus. He just wanted to spend more time with her. It was a first date. They were best friends, so the idea of getting to know her better was kind of laughable, but he didn’t really know her like this. He’d never met date Rylan before. He’d only heard about it, or picked her up from a terrible date she’d been on. This was different. He was the one actually on the date with her now. He reached his hand up and linked his pinky with hers, agreeing to her deal with a wink. “It’s a date, but stick to the dollar menu,” he joked, letting out a chuckle. Making a dollar menu joke on a date with anyone else would have been a disaster, but this was different. They were about to go to a fast food restaurant and eat burgers in his car. That was not something he would have done on a date with anyone else before. He closed the door to her side of the car before making his way over to the driver’s side and climbing in. He buckled his own seatbelt and shut his door, placing the key in the ignition. He looked over at her as he felt her hand resting against his cheek, immediately following her lead and kissing her back after feeling her lips against his. He didn’t want to pull away as quickly as she did, but her words brought another grin to his lips. “All yours,” he repeated with a smirk. He leaned forward and pressed another kiss against her lips, lingering there for a second before pulling away.He turned back to face forward as he turned the key in the ignition, finally starting the car. “Ry, I’m exactly where I want to be tonight. I’m with who I want to be with. I’m yours.” He mumbled out as he placed his hand on the wheels and heading out of the parking lot.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Before now, Rylan would’ve been confident that she knew everything there was to know about Donovan. And she did know a lot about him; they’d been best friends since they were babies. But she didn’t know the romantic side of him, not yet. She was excited to learn more about it, and admittedly loved that he was doing things like opening the car door for her. He’d always been a gentleman, he’d always opened doors for her to walk through, but it had never really meant anything super deep. It did now, and Rylan wasn’t letting any of it go unnoticed. “If I get ten things from the dollar menu, does that still count?” She teased, knowing full well that if she’d asked him to take her to some fancy, expensive restaurant, he likely would’ve done. She really didn’t care about any of that, though. She was hungry, she wanted food, and she wanted to spend time alone with her date. If her stomach wasn’t growling at her she would’ve forgone the food, especially once they’d had their lips against one another’s. She didn’t really want to stop kissing him, but she could hold herself back if she really had to. The thought that they would be all over each other later was enough to keep her going for now. “You are,” she agreed in a soft voice, returning the second kiss easily, “You’re mine.” He’d always been her person, it just went much deeper now, that was all. She settled back comfortably into the passenger seat, not wanting to distract him as he drove. “You know, I normally have this whole set of questions I fire out at people on a first date, but I already know all of the answers for you,” she laughed softly, tilting her head to the side. “Maybe I should ask you things about me instead, see how well you know me… Or I could ask your favorite thing about me. Do you have one?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

“Baby, you can get fifty things from the dollar menu,” Don joked. He could feel his heart racing with anticipation over where the night was going to go. He was excited. They’d never done anything like this before. Well, they’d gone through a drive through and picked up food together before, but it was never a date. They never held hands the way they were earlier and he’d never wanted her this much. They were best friends, so they knew almost everything about each other, but they were both going to see more of each other tonight. He was on a date he never thought he’d be on, but was incredibly happy to be there. If someone would have told him a few months, or even a few years ago, that he was going to be on a date with Rylan St. James, he would have laughed hysterically. He never pictured it, but ever since their first hookup in Rhode Island, it was really the only thing he could ever think about. Ending their kiss was devastating, but he was hungry. And he knew that it would not be their last kiss of the night. They were definitely going to do that again. And hearing her say that he was hers sealed the deal for him. This was going to be an amazing night. As much as he wanted to keep his eyes on the road, he really wanted to look at her and caught himself glancing over a few times in her direction. “I usually don’t talk a lot on first dates. I’m actually sort of shy sometimes.” He knew that wasn’t the Donovan Rylan would know. He was never shy with her. He always felt comfortable enough to talk about just about anything with her. “Okay, so Donovan, your friend, really likes how funny you are. You always make me laugh. Without even trying.” A small nervous chuckle left his lips as he paused, keeping his focus on the road ahead. “But Donovan, the guy you’re on a date with, thinks you have a great body. I noticed it before, but I think I had best friend blinders on or something,” he laughed, shaking his head. “What about you What’s your favorite thing about me?”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

“Damn, you’re going to spend fifty dollars on me?” Rylan’s mouth hung open, though it was of course forced. “Don’t I feel special.” The fact that he’d called her baby, whether he was joking or not, had made her feel pretty special, too. But she chose not to comment. An easy way to make things awkward between them during this transition from best friends to something more would be to consistently point out the sweeter things they each did for and said to each other, and the last thing Rylan wanted was any awkwardness for them. So far, she had no complaints. “Shy?” She questioned, brow raising. If she really thought about it, though, she could kind of picture it. “That’s interesting. I guess first dates come along with a lot of nerves. I like that you don’t seem shy with me, though.” She didn’t want either of them to have to feel that way. She still wanted them to be able to be themselves with each other, just like they always had been. Then again, as Don responded to her question and in turn begun firing out compliments, Rylan could definitely feel her cheeks flushing slightly, almost feeling a little shy herself. But in a good way, and she was sure her smile showed him that. “I understand that. I always had those on with you, but now I can definitely appreciate how attractive you are,” she admitted, not even having to think about his question. “Best friend Rylan likes how you’re always there. Always, even if it’s the middle of the night, or you’re tired after a long day at work. You’re always there.” There were many things she liked about him, of course, but that had always been a favorite. “And date Rylan thinks you’re an awesome kisser,” she paused, biting gently onto her bottom lip, “And she kind of wants you to pull over so we can do that some more now.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Calling her baby had been an easy slip of the tongue. It was a term of endearment that had so easily slipped out of his mouth that he hadn’t even noticed it. Don was glad she didn’t tease him about it. He had already blushed enough on this date. It was weird to think of him as being shy ever, especially around her, so he was glad that this first date was not like any other he had ever been on. “I could never be shy around you,” he admitted with a shrug. It was the truth. He didn’t have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing around her. Sure, he was slightly nervous that their friendship was going to be changed forever, but he was mostly excited about all of the good things to come. He was excited about where all of this could go. She made him nervous, but it was a good kind of nervous. Like the rollercoaster he had described before. He was enjoying every single second of being with her, so he didn’t have to be shy. He was with his best friend. His eyes glanced over at her for a second, trying to gauge her reaction to what he was saying. He definitely liked that it was obvious she was blushing because of his comments. A grin spread across his face when she called him attractive, clearly unable to hide just how much he liked that she was complimenting him. Don could have kept going. There were a million things he could say he liked about Rylan, but going on and on probably would have just scared her off. She didn’t need to know that she already had him wrapped around her finger. He swallowed hard at her words, his mind immediately going over the possibilities of what would happen if he followed her suggestion. If he just pulled over. His eyes fell on her again for a moment, he could tell that she was serious. He found an exit to take, and smirked when he found a spot to pullover in.“Aren’t you hungry?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow at her. He unbuckled his seat belt quickly before reaching over and unbuckling hers as well. “Kiss me,” he breathed out, ducking his head, so his lips were hovering over hers.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

His words made her smile, they were comforting, and Rylan nodded her head in agreement. “Same here.” She had a habit of making herself comfortable, no matter where she was or who she was with, but Donovan was that person for her, the one who she could always be entirely herself around without judgment, just like he could around her. It wasn’t something she would ever want to change for them, though she wasn’t worried. In spite of everything, they were still Rylan and Donovan. They always would be. She appreciated him not pointing out the darker shade of her cheeks, even if it was clear that he’d seen; he’d been looking right at her. “You know, I really like your smile,” she admitted, her gaze having drifted down toward his lips. Of course, she was thinking about kissing him, and it occurred to her quickly that that wasn’t something she had to hold back from doing anymore. Not now, hopefully not ever again. So as he pulled over at her request, she found herself growing excited, her lips aching to feel his against them. “I am hungry,” she nodded, watching as he unbuckled both of their seatbelts. Rylan’s eyes locked with Don’s as he began to lean over. “But I just want to make out with you a little bit first, that’s all.” She’d barely finished her sentence when his lips were on hers, and she found herself smiling into the kiss, her eyes immediately fluttering shut. She didn’t even think about it as she began to move from the passenger seat, lips still against Don’s as she climbed over to straddle his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck. Before now, when they’d hooked up or made out, it had generally been the result of them fighting. But this wasn’t, this was just total desire, and Rylan was sure that, as she deepened the kiss, lips parting slightly to move her tongue against his, arms tightening around his neck, he’d be able to feel just that.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

It wasn’t that Donovan didn’t know dating his best friend could be tricky. He knew that it could be. It just seemed like they were over their biggest hurdle. They had gotten over the idea that they were going to ruin their friendship. Their biggest hurdle had been themselves. Thankfully, it seemed like they had reached a turning point. They weren’t so worried about the consequences anymore. From the way they kept arguing when they were trying to hide their feelings, it seemed like pretending was more likely to hurt their friendship than just acting on their feelings. He was glad they were just going for it now. “You do?” He asked, after she complimented his smile. He didn’t know that getting compliments from his best friend would ever make him blush so hard, but it was. He could feel her eyes on his lips, so he knew exactly what she was thinking about. And he was thinking about it too. He really wanted to kiss her, but that wasn’t a new feeling for him. Ever since their first kiss, he hadn’t wanted to stop kissing her. It was scary to think about. He didn’t let himself dwell on what it could mean for too long. Why she had so much power over him already? Thinking about it would just make him realize just how deep his feelings were for her and he wasn’t sure he was ready for all of that. He smirked as their lips met, immediately enjoying the feeling of kissing her, but he knew he wanted to be closer to her. It was a good thing she felt the same way because it didn’t take long for her to straddle his lap. He rested his hands against her back as he kissed her back, knowing he did not want to stop anytime soon. It was obvious how badly they just wanted each other. It was a little different than the other kisses they’d shared. This one felt normal.There was no arguing involved. It was like he was just making out with his girlfriend in his car. He could feel himself getting more and more worked up as their kiss deepened, his arms instinctively wrapping around her and pulling her as close as possible. “You’re so beautiful, baby,” he mumbled against her lips.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Noticing things like Donovan’s smile would’ve been weird before. It definitely wouldn’t have been a best friend thing, but as she looked at him now, admiring that adorable look on his face, she wondered if maybe she’d seen it all along, she’d just chosen to block it out. Regardless, there was no denying how she felt now, and she nodded her head in confirmation when he questioned her. “I do, it’s a nice smile.” The way he blushed didn’t go unnoticed, but he hadn’t pointed it out when her cheeks had darkened only a moment ago, so she wasn’t going to either. There was no point in them beating themselves up over wasted time before now, they needed to just enjoy the present, but it was definitely hard for Rylan to see why they hadn’t been doing this all along as she straddled Don’s lap, her lips pressing eagerly to his. She kneeled up, higher up than him, but tilted her head down to keep her lips against his, her hands finding their way to his cheeks. “You can call me that again,” she mumbled against his lips, one hand moving to begin instinctively trailing down his body, her fingertips hooking under the top of his jeans. She wasn’t trying to let herself get too carried away, but all of their kisses before now, especially deep ones like this, had led to more than just kissing, so it was kind of just habit. By the time she’d finally forced herself to pull away, the hand that had still been on his cheek had slipped back to run her fingers through the side of his hair, her other hand still settled on top of his pants, and Rylan was definitely a little breathless as she looked at him, her lips curved into a small smirk. “Sorry,” she laughed softly, bringing her hand back up to wipe away her lipgloss from around his mouth with her thumb. “I didn’t realize that was going to make me want you so badly. What are you doing to me, Donovan Smythe?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Donovan always thought of himself a fun date. He always kept things light and breezy, and usually showed whatever girl he was out with a good time. He didn’t see things being any different with Rylan. He hadn’t stopped smiling since he picked her up and it seemed like he was having a similar effect on her. Which was a good thing, since she remarked that she liked his smile. It was easy to get lost in the moment with her. Whether it was just her complimenting him or if it was the way she was straddling his lap. It was impossible for him to think about anything else other than the woman on top of him. He didn’t want to stop anytime soon. “You’re a really good kisser, baby,” he breathed out against her lips, letting the last word stretch out a little longer than it needed to. But she seemed to like it when he called her by that pet name and he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. Feeling her hands all over him was definitely having an effect on him and he knew she could totally feel it once her hand was tucked on top of his pants. That may have been embarrassing for someone else on a first date, but he didn’t care that Rylan knew just how much she turned him on. This wasn’t the first time they’d been in a situation like this with one another. “Don’t apologize,” he mumbled out breathlessly as she pulled her lips away from his. He could feel his still practically swollen even after the loss of of contact. He missed her lips. A lot. “I want you too,” he spoke up, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek. He pulled her back to him, connecting their lips one more time before he pulled away with a light chuckle. “You might want to climb back into your seat. I mean, it’s probably clear that certain parts of me don’t want you to, but you should,” he muttered, shaking his head.“It’s our first date. I want to do this right. I want to buy you dinner and hold your hand. I want to kiss you goodnight and maybe kiss you good morning tomorrow. I think we could be good together. We’ve made up a lot of cute fake date stories for our parents. I want a real one.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

On any other first date, it was highly unlikely Rylan would be straddling the other person’s lap and making out with them in their car before they’d even made it to dinner, but Don wasn’t just any other person, he was her person. And everything was different with him. In the best way possible. Still, she had to tell herself not to get too carried away, despite the soft whimper she let out against his lips as he used the pet name a second time. Rylan usually hated that, she hated when people called her things like baby and honey, but again, it was different with Donovan. It was like a reminder that she was his, and again in the best way possible, it drove her crazy. She didn’t mean to grind down on him the way she did, it was just instinct, especially when she could feel how excited he was getting, but that was also why she needed to pull back. They couldn’t let this go too far, at least not here. She nodded as she looked down at him, tilting her face slightly into the touch of his hand. “There are plenty of parts of me that don’t want to either,” she laughed quietly, turning her face so she could press her lips to his fingers where his hand had been on her cheek, but she kept her eyes on him. “But you’re right, I want all of that,” she agreed, leaning down to press her lips gently to his forehead, before climbing back over into the passenger seat. Rylan ran her fingers through her hair, then pulled her seatbelt back into place, reaching out to settle her hand on his thigh briefly. “Go ahead, handsome, take me to dinner.” She gently squeezed his thigh, then let go, but kept her eyes on him as she waited for him to drive. She was allowed to look at him now, so she was going to do just that.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

As far as first dates went, Don was sure this was the best first date he had ever been on. And they hadn’t really done anything yet. They’d just walked around an aquarium for a few minutes and now they were making out in his car. Still, it was better than anything he’d ever done on a date because he was with her. It was obvious they had a connection, they were best friends. She was always the most important person in his life, but it was definitely amplified now that they were on a date together. It wasn’t a bad thing though. Being on a date with the most important person in his life should have been more stressful, but it wasn’t. It made his heart race, but for different reasons. And he could have stayed like that all night with her arms wrapped around him, straddling his waist, but he wanted more for the two of them. He didn’t think they would get the warped sense that this was all about a physical connection. It had been clear that neither of them wanted that. Their constant bickering after hooking up made it clear that there were feelings involved. But he wanted to treat her right. The idea that he’d turned her on just as much as she had him was definitely distracting. “Well, don’t tell me that,” he teased, keeping his eyes on hers. He sighed as she climbed back over into her seat, happy that they were going to continue their, but definitely a little disappointed in himself for ending their makeout session. He shook his head and let out a small nervous chuckle as he clicked his seatbelt back on and started up the car. He started up the car and started heading the direction of the restaurant, trying to calm his body down after the loss of contact from her lips. “You can’t look at me like that,” he joked, glancing over at her for a second. “It’s very distracting.” A soft chuckle left his lips as they finally started to approach the restaurant.He pulled into the drive-through behind a few other cars. “I’ve never gone on a date before and already known the girl’s burger order, but I think I know what you want. I mean, other than me.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

First dates could be awkward, even for someone as outgoing as Rylan, but that was never going to be the case here. If it had been, it would’ve probably meant they shouldn’t continue this, because they’d never been awkward with one another before, so it would be a bad sign if they started now. Fortunately, everything was flowing perfectly, and even if Rylan was feeling a little overwhelmed from their kiss, it wasn’t a bad thing. She’d just gotten a little carried away, that was all. “Why shouldn’t I tell you that? You told me that,” she laughed, raising a brow over at him. They were in agreement that this was going to be more than just physical, though, and Rylan figured that once they went back to whoever’s house they were staying at tonight, they’d probably get the mood right back again. For now, she wanted to enjoy first date Donovan, and looking at him was definitely enjoyable. “You’re driving, your eyes have to be on the road. I’m not. I can look wherever I want to,” she teased, though turned to face forward, not wanting to make him feel uneasy. She was sure that wouldn’t be the case anyway, of course. She hadn’t even had to tell him where she wanted to get their burgers, considering they just knew each other, which meant Don knew exactly where she wanted to go, and exactly what she’d want to eat. She smirked over at him when he spoke. “I don’t know, it’s our first date. Aren’t I supposed to order a salad or whatever’s cheapest so I don’t look too high maintenance?” She joked, though quickly shook her head. “You know what I want. Same as usual. Wanna split a milkshake, too?” She glanced over at him. “I also know exactly where I want to go and eat it, by the way. See if you can guess.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Donovan was definitely enjoying first date Rylan. He had been enjoying first date Rylan a little too much when she was straddling his lap, but he knew she didn’t have any complaints about that. It was easy for the two of them to get a little too carried away because it was obvious that they had loads of chemistry. He’d never really had that with someone before. Sure, there had been chemistry in his past relationships, but not this much. This was very different. He could barely stop himself from wanting her. It was impossible. And it took every piece of willpower he had to suggest that she climb back into the passenger seat. “When you say things like that, it makes me want to pullover again,” he teased. The transition from just friends to whatever they were now, hadn’t been particularly hard, but it wasn’t what he would have called seamless either. The bickering they did when they were still trying to figure everything out definitely wasn’t easy and he hated it, but he was glad that it seemed they both had come to terms with all of this. They were going to figure out all of this together. “I get very distracted when pretty girls stare at me,” he sighed, sending a smile in her direction. So, he probably should have focused on the road more, but they were pulling into the drive through, so he was certain he could handle it while also turning to look at his date once more. He definitely knew what to order the two of them. He’d never been on a first date like this before, but still, there were no complaints. “I already know just how high maintenance you are. A salad isn’t going to fool me,” he teased, shaking his head. He smirked as they pulled up to the speaker, leaning forward to order their food, along with the milkshake they were going to share. After he was done, he pulled up to the window and paid, grabbing their food from the worker before pulling off into the parking lot.“I know you want to end up at my place, so you can see Tiger, but I doubt you want to eat there. Our food would get cold…” He trailed off, trying to think of where she’d want to eat as he grabbed two fries out of the bag, handing one to her before popping the other into his mouth. “I give up. Where do you want me to take us?”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

If this was anybody else, Rylan would be holding back at least a little bit, but not with Donovan. She could tease him and he could tease her, and that was fine, that was the way they operated, so she smirked over at him, shrugging a shoulder. “Listen, if all you want here is my body then what can I do about it?” She shrugged, though she was of course joking, and reached out to squeeze his thigh again to back it up. She knew he wanted more than just sex from her, they would never be doing this if it was just physical. They would never be able to be just physical, anyway; they were best friends, they’d always had a deep connection. “And you think I’m a pretty girl, huh?” She questioned, her smile softening some. She knew it already, he’d told her she was beautiful a few times by now, but it was always nice to hear it from him. Don made her feel as pretty as he told her she was. “You know that you’re distractingly handsome too, right? Why do you think I’m looking at you? But I won’t distract you anymore.” Rylan promised as she faced forward, though she could feel his eyes on her once they’d pulled into the drive-through. Her lips curved up at the corners. “If I can’t stare, you can’t either.” She’d never liked the idea of being predictable, but she didn’t mind it with Don. In fact, she liked that he knew her order by heart, and just sat back as she waited for him to order their food, though she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t tempted to watch him the whole time. It was just new territory, something she was still getting used to. Fortunately, they didn’t have to wait too long for their food, and she was more than ready once Don parked up and handed some over to her, immediately popping it into her mouth. She eyed him as she chewed, playfully scowling. “Wow, I thought you knew everything about me… You can’t read my mind?” She teased, reaching over to his lap to grab another fry.“Ideally, I’d want to go to the park. You know the one in Rhode Island, where we used to hide from our parents in the woods during the summer whenever one of us was in trouble? Those evenings were always some of my favorite memories with you.” She held the fry out to him to feed him. “But since we can’t, let’s find a park here and we’ll make that our spot instead. How’s that sound?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

“You crawled on top of me. If anybody is being used for their body here, it’s me.” Don let out a soft chuckle, enjoying the way they teased each other. It came naturally. It was what they did. And just because they were figuring out their feelings for each other, it did not mean anything between them had really changed. “You’re alright,” he teased with a small shrug. He was clearly joking. He had called Rylan beautiful enough just that night, so it was obvious that he thought she was more than just alright. She was absolutely beautiful. It was something he’d always noticed. He had a good looking best friend. It wasn’t something he focused on too hard or even really thought about, but he always knew she was hot, but she was his best friend. It really wasn’t a thing he should have noticed. He was just glad it was okay that he noticed it now. And he could finally call her beautiful whenever he wanted to. He liked being distracted by her. As much as he jokingly complained about it. He liked knowing she was looking at him. He liked knowing that she found him attractive. He actually missed her eyes on him as he ordered. There was a special feeling behind knowing she was staring at him. He couldn’t really put his finger on it, but it made him feel good. He was happy once they got their food and he was able to park the car for a second, so they could focus on each other. He missed having his eyes on her. “I can’t read your mind yet… Give it another decade,” he joked, chewing the fry he’d popped into his mouth. He nodded his head as she spoke, leaning forward to bite the fry she offered out to him. “I think there’s a few close by,” he mumbled with a smirk. He passed the bag of food over to her and started up the car, heading out of the parking lot. “You know that park was apparently a big makeout spot,” he said with a small laugh. “I never made out with anyone there.It always felt weird because that’s was where we hung out.” He let out a small sigh as he kept his eyes on the road ahead. It was difficult because he wanted to stare at her, but he made it work. “How about the one up here?” He offered up, motioning toward a park sign. “There’s a nice creek we can park next to.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

“Eh, you have a nice body, babe,” Rylan shrugged, and although she was playing along with teasing him, she obviously meant it; he really did have a nice body. Something she’d noticed plenty before, but never actually appreciated until now. She faked a shocked look. “Hey! I was about to be really sweet and tell you that your personality makes you the whole package, but for that, fuck it.” It was pretty obvious she thought it anyway, of course. She wouldn’t be here if not. She wouldn’t risk their friendship for a good body. Because that’s what this was, it was a risk, but Rylan was willing to take it for Donovan. She’d always been willing to do just about anything for him, in fact. That really wasn’t anything new. “You’re planning on keeping me around a whole decade longer?” She quirked a brow, small smirk on her lips. “I mean, I’m not going anywhere, but just checking.” She wasn’t going to get ahead of herself about what could happen in that next decade, but whether it was as best friends or something more, she had no doubt they’d be in each other’s lives. They always had been, they were always going to be. They had way more memories left to make together. Taking the bag of food from him, she set it down in her lap, nodding her head. “I did know that. Maybe the next time we’re home, we head out there and make out like all of the cool kids did, hm?” Since Don was driving, Rylan reached into the bag to pull out two fries, one of them going in her mouth and the other then held out to feed Don. “Open,” she instructed, popping the fry in his mouth. “That works for me. We can be super cheesy and sit under the stars by the creek with our burgers,” she grinned, the idea of a makeshift picnic with their takeout food definitely inviting. Then again, anything with Don sounded like a great idea to her, so it wasn’t surprising.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Hearing Rylan compliment his body definitely felt good. Not that it was something he was insecure about. He wasn’t. He was in pretty good shape. He had just never thought she noticed before. And maybe she hadn’t, but it was obvious that she noticed now. “You think I’m the whole package?” He teased, glancing over at her with a smirk. “Your crush is getting out of hand.” If anything, his crush was the one that was growing every second they spent together. He was the one that was so adamant that they couldn’t just forget their hookup ever happened. He wanted to explore what it all meant because he knew he felt something for her. And this date was just making it more obvious for him. He was completely wrapped up in Rylan St. James. “Well, I haven’t been able to get rid of you yet, so I figured you’re gonna stick around for a while longer,” he joked. They were always going to be in each others’ lives. That was something he knew. He didn’t know in what capacity and he didn’t want to get ahead of himself and assume anything, but she was always going to be his best friend. No matter how all of this ended up, he knew that neither one of them was ever going to give up their friendship without a fight. “Once we got into our twenties, our parents figured that’s what we were doing at the park anyway,” he shrugged, letting out a small laugh. The thought of going back to Rhode Island and making out with her was definitely a good one. The idea of making out with her anywhere was good. It was just funny that their parents had seen all of this coming for years, but the two of them were so painfully oblivious for decades. He followed her instructions and opened his mouth, taking in and chewing the fry she offered out to him. He nodded his head as she spoke and took the turn onto the road that led to the park, finding a prime parking spot near the lake. Unbuckling his seat belt, he gestured to the back of his SUV and grinned.“I have an idea,” he smirked, climbing out of the car and making his way back to the trunk. He popped it open and pushed the back seats down, so they could have room to sit back there. Making his way back over to her side of the car, he opened her car door for her and smiled. “I don’t have a blanket for us to actually picnic, but cuddling in my trunk while watching the stars seemed just as good.” He definitely wanted to be able to put his arm around her and feel close to her, which would have been less comfortable staying in the front seat. He took his seat in the back and held his hand out to her to help her up there next to him.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

There was a playful scowl on her face as she looked over at him. “Not that you deserve to hear it now, but yes, I do think you’re the whole package.” She could’ve listed off what that meant, but she was busy pretending to be mad at him. Again playfully, she rolled her eyes at his comment, laughing to herself. “I mean, it is a pretty wild crush, I can’t deny it. It kind of just snuck up on me, and now here we are.” That was how it had happened, it seemed to have just hit both of them from nowhere, which Rylan couldn’t help but think was actually pretty great. Not everybody had that luxury. Her smirk returned quickly; even pretending to be mad at him wasn’t working out for her. She was way too happy to be here with him. “You wouldn’t want rid of me though, would you?” She questioned, already knowing the answer. Apparently, she liked hearing Don say nice things to her these days, though. Their parents being as insistent as they always had been that there was something going on between the two of them had been annoying, but by now Rylan just found it funny, mostly because they were right. They’d known it before she and Don even had. “I bet they never thought our first date would be drive-through fast food,” she laughed, feeding him the fry, then reaching for another for herself as he found them a parking spot. Rylan glanced toward the backseat when he motioned, brow raising slightly. Unbuckling her seatbelt and picking up the bag of food, she turned around to watch what he was doing, a smile easing onto her lips once she realized.“We don’t need a blanket,” she shook her head, her smile almost dreamy as she looked up at him from the passenger seat once he’d gone to open her door, quickly climbing out to join him. “You’re so cheesy,” she teased as they made their way around to the back of the car, handing over the food and then climbing up next to him. It was a natural instinct for her to scoot right beside him, leaning against him a little bit as she made herself comfortable. “I like this,” she sighed contentedly, “This was one of your better ideas for sure.” She glanced up at him, just watching him for a moment, her smile never having left her lips. Her voice had softened a little bit, though. “You’re gorgeous,” she finally said softly, “You’re smart, you’re sweet, you’re hilarious, you’re the person I feel the safest with in the whole world. That’s how I know you’re the whole package.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Rylan was his favorite person. There was no doubt about that. And his favorite person complimenting him was becoming something he could definitely get used to, even if it was hidden by her playfully pretending to be mad at him. He knew she really wasn’t. It was becoming clearer to him that she was just as into him as he was into her. The idea that this had just come out of nowhere was pretty wild. Having romantic feelings for Rylan was never something that had seriously crossed his mind. Their parents were always pushing the idea into their heads, but he never took it seriously. They were just best friends, but now that they had crossed that line, he wasn’t sure if he could ever go back. “Wild crush, huh? I’ve gone through every crush you’ve ever had with you and I don’t remember you ever blushing this hard with someone else,” he grinned. He knew that his feelings for her were completely obvious to her. Not only because he’d expressed them, but because Rylan had known him for so long and she’d seen him with girls before, so she had to know how he acted when he really liked someone. “I never want to get rid of you,” he mumbled with a wink. If their parents could see them now, they would probably think they were ridiculous. Don was setting up the trunk of his car for the two of them to sit in and watch the stars together. He knew his parents would have loved that they were out together, but they’d probably laugh at the date the two of them had set up for themselves, but it was all very Rylan and Donovan. He grabbed the food from her and smirked as she climbed into the back with him. “You clearly like it when I’m cheesy,” he teased, already enjoying the feeling of her lying against him. He wrapped his arm around her as he reached down with his free hand to get the food out. He took a small sip of their milkshake before handing it over to her with a smile.“I like having my arm around you,” he said with a small sigh of content. He took a bite of one of his fries as he listened to her talk, chewing on it softly as he failed to hide the smile on his face. “I like you,” he breathed out, shaking his head. “It’s not a crush. I mean, it is, but it’s more than that. It’s not like when I had a crush on my bio professor in college. It’s more than that. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we were in Rhode Island,” he admitted. “I can barely focus on our food or the stars tonight. I’m only thinking about you.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

She probably wouldn’t have appreciated her date pointing out the fact that she was blushing so much if it was anybody else. But it wasn’t anybody else, it was Donovan, and while him making a big deal out of it made her cheeks grow only more red, she couldn’t help but laugh. “You really suck. I was being considerate when you were blushing, I didn’t point it out. I’m going to next time, though.” There had been plenty of times over the past thirty years where Don had winked at her, but it had never had the effect this one did. It didn’t make her want to reach over and kiss him, but that was exactly what she wanted now. Not that she would, not until they were parked up, anyway. Once they were, Rylan really had no desire to get back in the car; she liked the idea of curling up under the stars with her date a little too much. Obviously they’d have to leave at some point, but for now, she was more than content, and laying against Donovan made her feel safe, just like she’d told him. “I do,” she admitted, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his chest once his arm was wrapped around her. “And that’s so weird, because usually I hate that. But not with you. You’re different, you know?” She glanced up at him, taking the milkshake once he’d offered it out to her. She took a small sip, then set it down between them. They were sharing, so they could both grab it whenever. The food was all but forgotten about on Rylan’s part already, because she’d gotten caught up in Don again as she listed off the things she liked about him, the things that made him the whole package, and then he was spilling his thoughts to her too, and how was she supposed to focus on food now? Her teeth sank gently into her bottom lip, because even though she knew he liked her, it was nice to hear it, and Rylan’s hand lifted to settle delicately against Donovan’s opposite cheek.“It’s more than that for me, too,” she agreed, voice still soft. Her fingertips brushed gently against his cheek as she leaned up to press her lips to his for just a moment, using her hand to turn his face toward her. Although she pulled back, she kept her hand where it was, eyes up on him. “What are you thinking about? Tell me.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

It was no secret that Rylan had made him blush more than once on this date, and even though it would have been slightly embarrassing for her to call him out, he could not resist the urge to call her out for her blushing. Sexual tension had sort of been lingering between them for most of the night, and it definitely moved in waves. He could read from the expression on her face after the wink he sent her, that the apparent sexual tension wasn’t going away anytime soon. “I’m not embarrassed about blushing in front of you. You make me blush,” he laughed with a shrug. Maybe he was slightly embarrassed about it, but he was ready to own it. Rylan was hot and whenever she threw him a compliment, it made his cheek turn a little pink. Well, maybe it was a little darker than that. He wasn’t ready to admit to all of that yet. It was very easy to get lost in the moment with her. With their bodies pressed together in the back of his car, he didn’t have to worry about anything that could go wrong. He liked that she felt comfortable with him. Donovan knew everything about Rylan and he knew they both had their issues with relationships, so he liked that she felt completely safe around him. And he definitely liked that she didn’t mind his cheesiness. “Different?” He questioned, trying to gauge what she meant from her expression and her tone. “Different good? Different bad?” It didn’t take long for it to become obvious that it was all the good kind of different. Their entire friendship was becoming something different, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Actually, it was a really good thing. He could not have cared less about the food they were supposed to be eating or the fact that it was fast food and would probably get cold pretty quickly. He was telling the truth when he said she was the only thing he could focus on. He smiled softly as he felt her lips connect with his, a small sigh leaving his mouth once he felt her pull away.“It’s more than that for you too, huh? So. You’re saying you like me too?” He asked, already knowing the answer. They were on a date. A date where they could barely keep their hands off each other. Clearly, they liked each other. “I’m thinking about how easy this is. And how scary that is. It’s like we should have always been doing this.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

There was basically nothing Rylan would feel embarrassed about when it came to Donovan, so she really was just giving him a hard time. Her guard had never been up around him, and she was sure it never would be. Well, maybe the morning after their first hookup back at the hotel, but that had been fleeting. She was pretty sure he could read her like an open book, the same way she could him, so the fact that he was questioning her, asking her whether things were good different or bad different with him, it made her think that maybe he liked hearing her say nice things to him, too. She liked that, and flashed him a small smile. “Good different. The best different,” she confirmed with a nod of her head. “I’ve never felt as comfortable on a first date before.” It was easy for her to joke around with Don and to playfully tease him, but she liked that they could be serious, too. Especially when it was about something as big as their newfound feelings for one another. She had no desire to joke with her lips pressed to his, all she could think about was how right it felt, how they really should’ve been doing this all along. It was easy for her to make eye contact with him once they’d both pulled back, her fingertips gently stroking his cheek. Her lips curved into a smile. “You know I like you, Don.” Rylan’s gaze fixed itself with his. “I do, I like you.” She finally moved her hand away, though settled it on his chest, just enjoying being able to touch him, and nodded her head in agreement with everything he had to say. “Do I really scare you?” She questioned, her gaze falling to his lips for a moment, though she forced herself to look back up at him again. “How much does it scare you if I say we should make out right here in your trunk? I mean, our food is definitely going to be cold, but you’re kind of making my heart race, and I just want to kiss you.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

It may have been because Rylan had pretended like things between them had never happened, but for some reason, Donovan craved hearing her confirm that she was enjoying things between them. He didn’t know why. It could have been because of her history, but he just liked knowing that all of this was fun for her too. He clearly had feelings for her, but hearing that all of this was different and exciting for her too made his heart race. “I don’t even usually kiss on the first date,” he joked, letting out a small laugh. That was slightly true. He was usually a little more reserved on a first date, but he didn’t have to be that way with her. There wasn’t anything to be nervous about. And they had already gone way past kissing. Multiple times. So, there was no need to hold back in that regard either. They were both so good about staring into each other's’ eyes. He liked looking forward at her beautiful blue eyes as she confirmed that she liked him too. He knew it, but once again, just like he enjoyed hearing her say his name when they were in bed together, he liked hearing her reassure him that she liked him. “You can tell me that again whenever you want,” he breathed out, keeping his eyes on hers. He never thought that hearing Rylan St. James tell him that she liked him would cause his heart to beat out of his chest, but it was. He nodded his head at her question, the way she was staring at him scared him a lot more than he was even willing to admit to himself. “It scares me how much I want you,” he admitted, his eyes following her lead and glancing down at her lips now. He kept his eyes on her as he reached down to grab the bag of food they had, shoving it, along with their milkshake, out of the way further into his backseat.He didn’t care if it spilled or made a mess. He really only cared about the woman next to him. He ducked his head down slightly, so that his lips could meet hers as his arms wrapped around her. Pulling her body as close as he could to his, he deepened their kiss, sliding his tongue in between the gap of her lips. “Say it again,” he breathed out, mumbling against her lips. “Tell me you like me again.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

It wasn’t uncommon for Rylan to be the more confident one whenever she was out on a date. She’d never had any problems with that, she’d never been shy or even very reserved. She wasn’t exactly Robin level out there, but she was pretty close. It almost surprised her a little bit that she seemed to be the one more sure of things between she and Donovan, though. She’d always thought of him as the protective one, so she kind of liked that he needed reassurance from her right now. She liked being able to give him that and making him feel better. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she laughed softly, but made a mental note to do just that. If Don liked hearing it, she would say it as many times as he wanted. “I like it too, just so you know. I like knowing how you feel about me.” It should’ve probably been weirder than it was, but it wasn’t. And that definitely wasn’t a bad thing. Nor was the fact that he wanted her, because Rylan definitely wanted Don, too. That had been obvious the whole night, but now she was struggling to even keep her hands to herself. “Don’t let it scare you,” she shook her head, voice soft and reassuring. She could see from the corner of her eye that he was moving their food out of the way, but her gaze was still on him. “I want you, too. And you have me, Don. I’m right here.” As he began to lean in, so did she, and it almost felt like a relief once their lips were pressed together again. The hand on his chest slid up and over his shoulder, her arm eventually wrapping around his neck. The other came up to join it, and as he pulled her body closer, she scooted over to climb up onto his lap again, straddling his thighs once more, her lips never leaving his. “I like you,” she mumbled into the kiss, her arms tightening around him as her tongue began to move against his, eyes closed.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Dates didn’t usually make him this nervous. Don was always quiet on dates. Usually, because he chose to do the gentlemanly thing and let the woman do most of the talking, but he was never nervous. His heart never raced like this. He never craved the other person as much as he was right now. A date with Rylan was something he’d never experienced before and he was certain that he wanted another date. They weren’t even done with their first, but he was already planning a second in his head. Hell, he could already see the two of them going on a third date together. He wasn’t going to mention any of that to her just yet, but he could see it, and it made him happy. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he echoed with a grin. It was nice to know that it wasn’t just him that liked getting that verbal confirmation. And he liked being able to admit to her that this was all a little scary. He had never wanted someone this much. Especially not a first date, but it made sense. They were best friends. Things between them were going to be intense, even if it was just their first date. It wasn’t like this was the first time they were meeting. They were on a date with someone that knew just about everything about each other. This wasn’t like any other relationship just starting out. Everything she said to him just made his heart race even more. He had her. Even if she just meant for that moment, or even if it was just for the night, it didn’t matter because he had her. She was his. The amount of time didn’t matter. He slid his hands up her back and moved them to her shoulders, pushing her jacket off, so he could feel even closer to her. “I like you too,” he muttered out, moving his arms back around her waist. He didn’t want to stop kissing her. He didn’t care that he was getting all worked up again the same way he had earlier, all he cared about was being as close to her as possible.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Rylan wouldn’t consider herself needy, but she really did like the idea of hearing Donovan tell her he liked her. She liked hearing they were on the same page, even though she knew it already. So, if that made her seem a little needy, she was fine with it. She knew Don would never judge her. He never had, he was never going to, and the same could be said vice versa. Any other guy she randomly made out with in the trunk of their car on the first date would probably judge her, they’d probably get the wrong impression. But like she’d said already, it was different with them. They knew each other, they were comfortable with each other. They knew that this wasn’t just physical, but they also didn’t have to pretend like that part wasn’t there, and Rylan had no plans to stop once she’d started kissing him again. She unwrapped her arms from around him to shake off her jacket as she felt him pushing it down, then her hands were settling on his shoulders, though they began to trail down his body almost automatically as she kneeled up, her head ducked down to keep pressing her lips to his. She didn’t want to break their kiss, but she did like hearing him tell her he liked her too. It made her feel kind of possessive, like she needed to be even closer to him. “We don’t have to stop,” she mumbled against his lips, before finally forcing herself to pull back. Her hands were still settled on his shoulders, and her chest was rising and falling faster as she looked at him, already worked up. “I mean, we can. This doesn’t have to go any further. But if you don’t want to stop this then don’t feel like you have to, okay?” Before now, whenever they’d hooked up, although it had happened naturally, it had generally been preceded by a fight. She wanted to make sure he knew that if things progressed here, it was okay.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

They were ridiculous. This was not where Don had seen the night going when he was getting dressed back at his place. He hadn’t really known what to expect before he picked her up. He had just wanted to look nice for her, he never thought they were going to end up making out in his trunk. He didn’t have any complaints. It was probably the furthest he had ever gone on a first date. He didn’t even like to kiss because he never really felt comfortable with the other person, but he didn’t have that problem with Rylan. He felt completely comfortable with her. Sliding off her jacket seemed like a necessity. In his opinion, they were both wearing too much clothes. As good as he probably looked in his sweater, he would have preferred to be wearing a little less layers. He wanted to be pressed up against her. All he needed was to know that she was okay with continuing. He sighed as she pulled back from him, his lips swollen and painful from the loss of contact with hers. He bit down on his bottom lip as she spoke. They didn’t have to stop. He was having trouble catching his breath, but he was on the same page as she was. He didn’t want to stop either. He wasn’t used to this. Well, he was used to not being able to keep his hands off her, but usually they were yelling at each other or not speaking to each other and that always led to them ripping each others’ clothes off. This was different. The passion was still there, but it didn’t stem from arguing. He pulled his body away from hers as he reached up to find the latch to his trunk door, he grabbed a hold of it and lowered the door until it shut. He brought his hands behind his head and pulled off his sweater, wanting to get rid of some of those layers. He returned to her and reached for her hands, bringing them back to rest on his shoulders. His lips reconnected with hers as he found her hands once again, bringing them down to the buttons on his shirt. “You can take it off.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Don knew Rylan’s past. It wasn’t like she was exactly secretive about it; she’d literally opened a center for victims of sexual assault, she was pretty public with her story. But because he knew it as well as he did, she knew how respectful he was going to be. She appreciated it, but definitely wanted him to know that it was okay. With her, he had her full consent, and it seemed that he knew that once they’d parted. She watched as he reached out to close them in, grateful for the privacy. She wanted all of their focus to be on each other, not on worrying that somebody was going to walk by while they were doing… whatever this led to. Rylan had a pretty good idea, given how badly they both wanted each other. How badly she’d wanted Don since she’d climbed onto his lap earlier, in fact. It was nice to know she didn’t have to move away now, and watched from her spot on his lap as he reached down to tug off his sweater. There’d been a ton of passion behind their previous hookups, maybe in part because they’d been so angry beforehand, but it didn’t compare to the air surrounding them now. She needed her hands on him, he definitely didn’t need to tell her twice to take off his shirt. “But you look so sexy in it,” she mumbled against his lips once they’d reconnected, her fingers working on the buttons in spite of her words. She wasn’t lying, he did look really good this evening, but she also wasn’t complaining about removing the layers between them, and once all of the buttons were unfastened, she slipped the shirt off easily, dropping it down beside them. Rylan pulled back from the kiss, but only to look down at his now shirtless body, small smirk rising to her lips. “You look even sexier now,” she admitted, ducking her head to press her lips to the side of his neck. She parted them slightly, trailing open mouthed kisses right the way to his jaw.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

There were absolutely no expectations here. If Rylan wanted to stop right there and head home then he would have done just that. If she wanted to keep going then Donovan was game for that as well. This was about the both of them. He wanted to make sure they were both having fun and enjoying themselves. Closing the trunk door seemed like a necessity for their comfort as well. He didn’t want anyone to walk past and see everything that was going on in the back of his car. Not that he was ashamed to be making out with his hot date. He just wasn’t sure how far things were going to go, but he did have some idea. It was clear they both had problems when it came to resisting each other and controlling themselves.  This felt so different to the past times they’d hooked up. Clearly, they weren’t arguing, but the way their lips were connecting and the way they looked at each other when they peeled their lips apart. It was filled with an amount of passion that he’d never really experienced before. His hand found its way into her hair as she worked at the buttons on his shirt, a smirk spreading across his face once she called him sexy. They’d only hooked up a few times, but it was obvious that she knew how to get him worked up. He pushed his shoulders back in an effort to help her slide his shirt off. He instinctively leaned his head back as he felt her mouth peppering kisses against his neck. His hands found their way underneath her shirt, his fingers sliding against the skin on her stomach as he started to lift shirt up. “Can you feel how much you turn me on, baby?” He breathed out, as he finally pulled her shirt off over her head.“You’re so fucking beautiful.” No one had ever really been able to get Donovan so worked up so quickly before, but he wanted Rylan with every part of his body. And it was even harder to hold himself back now that they were both shirtless. Leaning back, his slid her further onto his lap, his fingers finding the hooks of her bra. He brought his lips back to hers, pecking a small kiss against it before pulling back to make eye contact with her. “Not so scared anymore,” he whispered.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

If someone had told Rylan she would crave and need Donovan Smythe this badly only a month ago, she would’ve laughed and rolled her eyes. But here she was, sitting on top of him, pushing his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders, and all she wanted was to be as close to him as possible. She wanted her lips against his, but then she also wanted to trail them all over his body. She just needed him, and it was safe to say she was getting incredibly worked up once her hands were on his bare skin, trailing downward towards the top of his pants. “I can,” she mumbled against his neck, softly sucking against the skin, though not enough to leave a mark. Rylan didn’t want to pull away, but as he begun to lift her shirt, she knew she had to at least for a second or two. She used the time to catch her breath, her eyes unashamedly scanning his body as she lifted her arms out of her shirt with his help. As desperate as she was for him, and as much urgency was behind all of this, she couldn’t help the way he made her heart flutter when he told her she was beautiful, nor the small smile she shot down at him in response. She let her hips grind down against him as he pulled her further onto his lap, really able to feel how turned on he was. She felt exactly the same way, and she wanted Don’s hands on her as soon as he’d unhooked her bra. “Not scared,” she whispered in response against his lips, looking down at him once she’d pulled back again. “Just really turned on.” There was a small smirk on her lips as she popped the button on his pants, her eyes still on his face, then her hand was dipping inside, rubbing him over his boxers. “You’re so hard already,” she breathed, hand sliding under the fabric now to wrap her fingers around him. “Is that how bad you want me, babe?” Her hand began to move against him, just slowly for now. “You’re already that hard for me?”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Things had escalated quickly between the two of them and not just in the last ten minutes or so. Things had taken a turn in the last few weeks. He never thought they’d end up ripping each other’s clothes off in the back of his car. If you would have told Donovan a few months ago that’s where they would have ended up, he would have been completely surprised. But this is where they were. And he could not keep his hands off her and he really didn’t want to. He had no complaints about where the night had gone. He just knew he didn’t want any of this to end anytime soon. A few soft moans left his lips as he felt her mouth against his neck. He hated feeling her move away from him, but he wanted her shirt off. He wanted to feel the two of them pressed up against one another with nothing in between them. The way he needed her was something he tried not to think about. Pursuing understanding why he craved her the way he did was going to make him have to process his growing feelings for her in a way he wasn’t really ready to do. He was happy to feel her back with him, enjoying the feeling of her grinding against them as their lips met again. It was true. He really wasn’t scared anymore. He just needed her. He raised an eyebrow at her as she dropped her hand to the button on his pants, smirking as he felt the button pop open. He could not help but bite down on his bottom lip as he stared at her, taking in every movement of her hand. “Fuck,” he breathed out as he felt her rubbing his through his boxers. She knew exactly what to do to him. “It’s all for you, baby,” he moaned as she wrapped her hand around his shaft. He leaned forward, burying his head into her chest as he began to pepper kisses against his skin, distracting himself from the feeling for her hand on him.He threw his head back as he exhaled, staring up at the roof of his car. “It’s all yours, baby. I’m all yours.” He brought his hand to the button on her jeans, opening it as he pulled his head up, meeting her gaze with a smirk. “I need you,” he moaned.

RYLAN ST. JAMES

If she’d walked by his room and heard him hooking up with someone before, Rylan would’ve probably been grossed out, but now she could appreciate just how sexy he sounded when he was getting worked up. When he was moaning softly as her lips pressed to his neck. “God, you’re so hot,” she mumbled, already knowing she wanted more. Then again, it seemed she always wanted more where Don was concerned these days, and she wasn’t complaining at all. Her feelings for him were progressing quickly, and if she really let herself think about it, she’d likely freak out. But somehow she was managing to just enjoy it, the same way she was enjoying the position they were in now. The bulge in his pants felt good against her as she rocked into him, but she definitely wanted that barrier between them gone, even if they were in a less convenient than usual place. Fortunately, Rylan’s short height had its advantages, and being able to sit up on top of him in such a small space was one of them. She liked looking down at him as she worked her hand against him, she liked taking in that look on his face as she felt him growing harder in her hand. “You’re all mine,” she agreed, unsure of how deeply she actually meant it, but she wasn’t trying to question it, not in that moment. Her focus was on making him feel good, and on how good it felt to have his lips pressing to her chest. She wasn’t trying to get him too close just yet, so she made herself stop, pulling her hand back from inside of his boxers and peeling off her unclasped bra. “You’re so good with your mouth,” she breathed, her hips instinctively rising a little as he popped open her button. “Yeah?” She glanced down at him, her own smirk mirroring his. Rylan knelt up to begin pushing down her pants, a little more slowly than she usually would’ve for his benefit. “What do you need? Tell me. Tell me exactly what you want, baby. I’m all yours.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Don tried his hardest not to think about what all of this could mean. They’d admitted they liked each other, but there was something deeper there. Something he knew he wasn’t ready to investigate just yet. It was a lot safer to just ignore the reasoning why they wanted each other so badly. Why they could barely keep their hands off of each other for most of the night. Why they had ended up in the back of his car tearing each others’ clothes off. There was no part of Donovan that was ready to answer those questions and he knew Rylan extremely well, so he knew she probably wasn’t ready to delve into what those questions meant either. He couldn’t even care that they were squeezed into an uncomfortable space. His date’s height was coming in handy when it came to making sure they weren’t too uncomfortable, but his mind really wasn’t on anything other than the woman stroking her hand along his hardness. He was throbbing in her hand, the need of being inside of her growing with every movement of her hand. A groan escaped from his lips as she pulled her hand away from him. Although, he was thankful because he knew if she had kept working her hand like that for too much longer then he would have reached his breaking point, he still missed the feeling. “I think we both know I can do a lot more with my mouth,” he warned with a smirk. They were in too tight of a space for him to make her feel as good as he wanted to, but he was hopeful that they would end up at his place eventually and that all of this would happen again. He kept his eyes on her as he watched her pull down her pants, taking in every movement. “You,” he whispered out, bringing his gaze to hers. “I just need you.”He brought his hands to the waistband of his boxers, pushing them along with his jeans further down his legs. He reached forward, sliding his fingers under the fabric of her panties, wanting to feel just how wet she was for him. “Fuck,” he moaned out as he started making circles around her clit with his index finger. “I need to fuck you, baby.” His breath was a little hitched as he spoke. The feeling of how turned on she was for him was already driving him wild. “I need you to make me come.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Sex was sex. Rylan’s unfortunate past had conditioned her into thinking of it as such, and she’d never really cared enough about an ex partner that her mind had been changed. But already, there was more passion behind this with Don than she’d ever experienced with anybody else before. She didn’t want to get into that, though. Sure, she was okay with admitting that she liked him, but too much too fast was going to cause her to run, and they didn’t need that. Fortunately, focusing on what they were doing right now was easy, especially with the way his body reacted to the touch of her hand. His lips on her were distracting too, and Rylan smirked down at him when he spoke. “We do know that.” She ducked her head, lips ghosting against his ear as she whispered out, “You can taste me later.” She had a feeling this wasn’t going to be their only hookup of the day. As much as she liked giving him his own little show, she really did want to feel him inside of her. She wanted him to touch her, so she had no complaints as his hand slipped inside of her panties, her hips instinctively rocking slightly as her teeth sank into her bottom lip. “You feel how wet you make me?” She mumbled, breath catching in her throat. His finger felt so good, so much so that she could’ve gotten lost in that moment, but she wanted more of him, and he evidently wanted more of her, too. So, she found herself reaching down to move his hand away, pushing her pants and panties all the way off. Next came his jeans and boxers, until the two of them were completely naked in the back of his car. They’d probably laugh about that later, but for now it was honestly just incredibly hot, filled with a ton of passion. Climbing back onto his lap, Rylan reached down between them to take ahold of him again, hand rubbing against his length briefly until she was helping to guide him inside of her, her hips lowering.Her gaze locked with his as she brought her hand up to his chest, pushing him back so that he could lay down while she stayed upright on top of him. “You always feel so good,” she breathed, hips beginning to rock, slowly at first, though the pace quickened as she looked down at him, a small whimper rising in her throat.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Donovan never thought that the two of them would be this good together. Well, in reality, he had never thought about the two of them together at all. They were just friends. There were no underlying romantic notions that were pulling the two of them together. At least, not that they knew of. Their parents thought otherwise. Somehow their parents had known all along that they would have been great together. And they hadn’t been wrong. Don sort of regretted that they hadn’t done this sooner, but he couldn’t let himself think like that. He couldn’t let himself get lost in his feelings for Rylan. Not this early in their relationship. The way she whispered against his ear just turned him on even more. He liked that they were both on the same page. After this, they weren’t done. There was no way they were going to release all of the passion between the two of them in just one time. They both needed more. She felt amazing. Having in his fingers inside of her, feeling just how much he had turned her on, that felt amazing. He could have felt his fingers there for a while, working against her hips, but soon she was reaching down for his wrist and she was pulling him away from her. He loved making her feel good, but he needed her. He had made that pretty clear when the words dripped from his tongue. He really needed her. It should have been a laughable image. The two of them completely naked in the back of his car, but there was no laughter coming from either one of them. They were engulfed in each other. As she lowered herself and guided him inside of her, he let out a deep moan, the feeling of finally being inside of her was definitely worth the wait. “Fuck,” he breathed out, not really able to control his breaths or the moans already leaving his lips. He began to buck his hips slightly, moving in rhythm with Rylan. His eyes locked with her as she sped up a little, making sure he was still moving along with her. “Shit,” he cursed out. “You’re so amazing. You’re so sexy.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

This was definitely not the most conventional first date. First dates didn’t typically consist of fast food and sex in the back of a car, but it was pretty fitting for them, because they weren’t the average, typical couple. Things were different, good different, and Rylan really wouldn’t have changed anything about the way their date was playing out so far. Now that her hands were on him, though, she really didn’t want to move them away, so she was confident they would spend the night together now. They could take their time later, too. Right now, they were in Donovan’s car, they were kind of limited for what they could do, but that didn’t make it any less special, nor any less passionate. Maybe even more so, in fact. Don’s instant reaction caused her to clench around him. He already felt so good inside of her, and he sounded so good when he’d moan and curse under his breath. “I fucking love feeling you inside of me,” she breathed, her hips still moving at a good rhythm with his as she leaned her body down towards him, her lips easily finding his. She placed one hand down behind him, while she brought the other over to find his hand, lifting it up and setting it on her breast. Hand still held over the top of his, she began to squeeze, showing him how hard she wanted him to touch, before moving her hand away to leave Don to take over. She was kind of a leader, she couldn’t help it, even in situations like this. “God, you feel so good,” she moaned against his lips, her hips rolling to grind harder against his. “You’re so big, babe. You feel so good.”

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Donovan knew once their hands were all over each other again that they were not going to be able to stop themselves. He was barely able to stop himself when she first crawled onto his lap earlier in the evening, but he didn’t want her to think this was just about something physical for him. That wasn’t a problem anymore. They had both made it clear that this wasn’t just sex. It couldn’t be. There were always going to be feelings there between them because they were best friends. And the reasons why they couldn’t keep their hands off each other were a lot deeper than just sex. Everything about this was perfect. It didn’t matter that they were in a car. The way her walls clenched around him was perfect, and the way their bodies moved in rhythm was even more perfect. He could not control himself around her and hearing her say just how good it felt having him inside of her caused another moan to leave his lips. Only she could make him moan like this. No one had ever had this effect on him before. It should have worried him. That she could already make him lose control like this, but it didn’t. It just made him want her even more. He followed her lead and gripped tightly at her breast, loving that she was showing him exactly what she wanted. Donovan usually had a dominant personality, but there was something sexy about letting her take the lead, letting her ride him and call the shots. His other hand found its way to her ass, grasping at it tightly as he leaned his head back in ecstasy. “Ry,” he breathed out, unable to control the way his breath was hitching in his chest. “I love it when you ride my dick,” he moaned. “You feel so fucking good.” As the words left his lips, he could feel himself drawing closer to his release, his breathing getting more and more stagnant as time passed. “I”m close, baby.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

It really said something when someone could get Rylan this worked up with very little foreplay, but here she was, feeling herself nearing her edge more and more by the second as she rode him, the way he filled her causing him to hit all of the right places with each thrust of their hips. Don really did make the hottest sounds, and they only made Rylan moan louder, they only turned her on even more. It wasn’t as if it was a subtle hint when she’d lifted his hand where she wanted it, so luckily he took it, and the feeling of his hands on her only gave her the motivation to move faster, to try to make him feel as good as he was making her feel. Her own hands found their way to his shoulders, with her gripping onto him as she arched her body over the top of his, hips rolling fast against his. She wasn’t going to last much longer, which was maybe a little pathetic considering they hadn’t been going very long, but she’d wanted him since she’d climbed into his lap before, she couldn’t help how ready she’d been for him. Plus, this wasn’t just sex, it wasn’t just something to do. There were feelings behind it, and somehow, that made it even better. “Yeah?” She looked down at him, breathing faster as her eyes scanned his face. Even his expression was sexy, and it caused Rylan to smirk slightly as she quickened the pace of her hips. “Come for me, Don. Come for the girl that likes you.” Her fingers trailed down toward his chest, her nails leaving light marks in their path, as the other hand remained tightly gripping onto his shoulder to keep herself upright, loud, repetitive moans falling from her lips as she felt herself climbing closer and closer to the edge. She didn’t exactly need to quieten herself, but her lips found their way to Don’s as she finally came undone, desperate moans drowned out slightly by their kiss.

DONOVAN SMYTHE

Donovan was hopeful that some poor soul didn’t walk past his truck and hear every sound leaving their lips. Neither one of them was being particularly quiet. It was quite the opposite actually. Every time he would moan loudly, she would moan even louder. They were clearly making each other feel very good. But every time a moan would leave her lips, he could feel himself pulling closer and closer to his breaking point. He knew he would not last for much longer. She had some power over him that he just could not describe, but it did not take much for her to turn him on. As their pace quickened, his gripped tighter at her breast, his breath hitching more and more. There were feeling behind every single thrust of his hips. Feelings he wasn’t really ready to focus on too much, but they were still there. He was always a sexual person, but when there were feelings involved, it just made everything even better. As the words fell from her lips, he knew it would not take long for him to follow her instructions. He was ready to release. He let out a moan as their lips pressed together, his body going stiff as he finally reaching his breaking point. He didn’t want to move immediately. He just wanted to keep her as close to him as possible, even if they were kind of cramped in the back of his car. He kept his lips on hers, deepening their kiss as he moved his arms to wrap around her. “You’re gorgeous,” he mumbled out as he pulled away slightly from her. He brought his hand up and pushed some of the disheveled hair out of her eyes. “I messed up your hair a little bit, babe,” he joked, letting out a soft chuckle. He brought his eyes to hers, sending a grin in her direction. “This is the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

RYLAN ST. JAMES

Rylan couldn’t really think of a time where she’d finished up having sex with someone and needed to stay so close to them. She’d been conditioned into sex being meaningless, and once they were both done, that was that. But not now, not with Donovan. They’d both finished, yet she had no desire to move away from him, and pressed her lips back more firmly to his, trying to calm the pace of her breathing. Although she eventually pulled back, she remained in place, hovering over the top of him, her eyes meeting his. She couldn’t help but laugh softly as he pushed her hair back for her, gently shrugging a shoulder. “That’s okay,” she whispered, bringing a hand up to run her fingers through his hair as she looked down at him, just studying his face. “You’re worth it.” Rylan didn’t want to pull away, but they also couldn’t stay like this the whole night, so she reluctantly sat herself up, climbing off of him and searching around them for various items of clothing. “It’s the best first date I’ve been on, too,” she agreed, holding his shirt out to him. She paused before releasing it, though, and leaned forward to press her lips gently to his once more. “This isn’t just sex,” she promised, gaze searching his again. Her voice was soft, she wanted him to know she meant every word. “I don’t know how to keep my hands off of you, but it’s not just sex. I like you, Don. My feelings for you are deeper than just ripping off your clothes in the back of your car.” There was a small, almost smug smile on her lips. “I mean, I do like doing that, too. But just know that this is more than that, okay? You’re more than that.”

[moonlightchess]

movie review: Downrange (2017)

First of all, 2017′s Downrange has a fantastic soundtrack, particularly the end credits song that implements sound effects of guns cocking in a really effective way. In fact, just listen to the soundtrack. Then stop there, because Downrange is easily one of the most frustrating, predictable, unsatisfying horror movies of last year. Even if you ignore the one major character of color dying what was probably the most agonizing death in the movie halfway through it, the moving pieces of Downrange have been visibly borrowed from other, better horror fares.

The mindless, unexplained and unexplored cold cruelty of the sniper who could have been a member of the strangers in 2008′s titular The Strangers is boring. The-randomly-extremely-educated-on-firearms-and-desert-warfare character, thanks to a convenient military background that is only mentioned when the plot abruptly calls for it could literally been the doppleganger of Erin from You’re Next, complete with being a badass and brutally realistic female character whose personality is entirely reduced to just that - being the token badass and the only character in the movie who ever makes any damn sense. The others sob and whine and wail and cringe so much that despite their reactions being completely realistic for characters experiencing a violently traumatic situation, you still kind of want to slap them.

Then there are the plot holes. Are we really to believe that when, near the film’s end, the remaining characters are eagerly anticipating rescue from an approaching police truck with two snipers of their own perched in the bed, said police officers wouldn’t have brought PLENTY of backup with them? After a cannon-fodder character deliberately informed them earlier that there was an active shooter situation? What kind of police force would send out 4 dudes with a truck and 2 guns in response to something like that? ESPECIALLY knowing that the area was a nearly complete dead zone signal-wise? There’s suspending disbelief, and then there’s just being ridiculous.

One can’t help but roll their eyes every time a character goes hysterical and runs out into the open road to face the sniper - which happens several times - screaming, “COME ON, COME AND GET ME! JUST DO IT!” At that point, you’re rooting for the sniper. Keren, the aforementioned badass, is the only character you want to see survive this admittedly admirably bloody ordeal - the gore jobs are gritty, gooey, and well done - but her death is deeply predictable from the moment she refuses to warn a fellow huntee that his car is about to explode, because he’s busy calling the police from the rare spot where he can get a signal and she’s realistic enough to know that he’s either going to blow up or be shot, and she’d rather have him make that call first. She’s RIGHT, but she’s cold, and any viewer familiar with horror’s penchant for punishing pragmatic women in their plots will know in that moment that Keren is a dead girl walking. Sure enough, her death, after all her brilliance and bravery, is so DUMB. Boom, one shot to the head, bye Keren. Deeply anticlimatic.

So, okay. Apparently Jodie’s going to be our final girl, which, I mean…I guess. Keren’s there to keep her alive with her badassery while Jodie shrieks and cries and does every stupid ass thing she can think of trying to get herself killed throughout the entire movie, but at least this sniper asshole is finally going to get his, right? Awesome! Satisfaction! Except, you know, the part where Jodie bashes the guy’s head in with the butt of a rifle and then promptly accidentally shoots herself in the chest with it, because she’s a fucking moron. THE END.

💀 💀 2/5 skulls for decent gore work and because there’s a genuine tension to be found in the single-setting arrangement of Downrange, but it’s just not enough to make up for…everything else.

[xottzot]

2017-09(SEP)-27th-Wednesday--Max attacked me again for no reason and tore open my flesh. (bleeding)

2017-09(SEP)-27th-Wednesday--Max attacked me again for no reason and tore open my flesh. (bleeding)

Max, one of the two dear dogs of dear Fliss and myself, whom she abandoned into hell not for the first time (and who REFUSED to ever believe me what she ever did), Max has without any reason whatsoever attacked me and dear Sam AGAIN. He leapt up and tore at my elbow and tore my skin open through a windcheater I was wearing for the cold temperature here.

He did that whilst I was feeding them both their usual dry dog food in large metal bowls that I was hand-holding since both dogs snuffle their bowls around and spill it all everywhere otherwise.

Just prior to this, imbecile left this residence to go to his work after taking a week off from HUM bringing in a terribel flu into this hovel (the SAME flu that has then soon afflicted me because he brught it into this hovel), he took off for his work very early in the morning.

Then, as I was preparing teh dogs food, he VERY quietly slunk back into this hovel. The dogs thought it was an intruder. He went into his room, )and of course never ever greets or is ever friendly with the dogs at all, just barges past them always and expect them to get out of his way because he is so violent), he got soemthing from his bedroom then quickly slunk away outside and was gone.

It was THEN I was feeding the dogs.

Max was growling at all this shitty going and silently comning back then slinking away going again.

I expect it triggers in him the exact situatuiosn that dear Fliss inflicted upon the dogs time and again in her episodes of her madness, her mania, and her medical addictions, wheere she would try to slink around and do the same sort of shit without me ever knowing by waking me up.

Normally I would be in bed (not asleep), but because bad weather is coming, I decided it was prudent and better for the dogs to feed and let them outside whilst it was NOT raining. And of course I did not know that somebody would slink back into the yard then into the house like a criminal, which is what Max thought he was getting into the house and was then keyed up about it.

He exited this hovel, and walked out without a word. Not a word. he never talks at all. And when he does talk, it is almost always when he is totally by himself. And he talks to himself (entire conversations), and swears to himself, and has arguments with himself. He even does this when he is in the kitchen anytime, when he is IN the shower (where he talks louder to himself over the noise of the shower), and afterwards before he comes out, and then afterwards when he skulks quickly back into his room to mutter more in his bedroom and fossick about in there.

ALL THAT NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT. - THEY ALL THINK HE IS 'NORMAL' BUT HE IS NOT IN ANY WAY. HE HAS BEEN THIS WAY SINCE HE HAD A TERRIBLE EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN BROUGHT ON BY A HARRADINE OF A WOMAN THAT BEFRIENDED FLISS WHO INOCENTLY FELL INTO HER CLUTCHES AND MANIPULATIONS. - ALL THAT BROUGHT ON FLISS'S FIRST TERRIBLE BREAKDOWN MANY YEARS AGO, AND WHICH SHE BLAMED HERSELF OF.

SINCE THAT TIME, my imbecile brother has mentally been right off the rails and not only denies that anything is wrong with him, but becomes physically violent and attacks anyone or anything without provocation. Evidence of this I come across constantly, smashed items in the kitchen, bent and buckled kitchen implements to destruction, violentally bashed denting tins of food taken out of cupboards then smashed against things then put back again. -- And amongst all this he is silent ALL the time. He talks to nobody (except himself). He wanders about muttering and swearing and cursing and he has gotten worse and worse. He totally REFUSES to believe any of all this. -- Dear Fliss and I would try to get help for him, even approaching his friends to talk to him (they REFUSED to listen), and ALL this pressure made dear Fliss have a mental breakdown. It was NOTHING to do with me. - She fled to the other side of Australia, but then returned. She stayed for (less than a year?) and then she herself had a tyerribel breakdown brought on by stress and stealing pills and overdosing on Stilnox sleeping pills and any other pills she could grab and take without being discovered. And amnogst all that was terrible financial pressures she kept hidden from me despite us being so open about everything and I always helping her to pay her bills whenever I could, as did she. -- I've written all about dear Fliss and all tehose troubles, and she has lied and fooled everyone (including psychologists) who she has a great fear of to the point of outright terror. She only used them as ersatz 'friends' to talk to.

Throughout all this was the imbecile........always getting worse and there must have been instances which occured between him and her that I have no knowledge of. She only told me a few of them. He blamed her for EVERYTHING, absolutely EVERYTHING. And dear Fliss blamed herself. And I was always kept totally unawares and trying to always help Fliss in everything including her mental states. -- Of course NOBODY bleives any of the truth. All they believe is all the lies that Fliss has spouted out to get what she wants from her friends and family who beforehand hated her and everything that she ever did in life.

I'm sorry to have gone about about dear Fliss here, when I was trying to talk about Max becomng vicious and attacking me.

But dear Sam & Max have also become victims of dear Fliss's afflictions.

I have locked them totally ALONE. And they will stay that way in one part of the house ALL DAY.

Max has not even had 1/2 his bowl of dry dog food, Sam scoffed all of Max's bowl up whilst I was taking desperate refuge in another room with the door shoved shut and held shut to stop Max fror barging in which he can do.

When Max attacked me without any provocation or warning, Sam tried to defend me. And Max attacked Sam. And Max got worse and attacked me worse. I only escaped further terrible injury (or death) by barracading myself in a room of this hovel. I tried to yell out to order them to stop but they refused to listen. Just like EVERY TIME THEY NOW REFUSE TO LISTEN AND HAVE BEEN THAT WAY SINCE FLISS ABANDONED US IN LATE 2015. THEN SHE VERY BRIEFLY CAME BACK WITH POLICE ACTING AS HER LACKEYS, (BECAUSE OF THE OUTRIGHT LIES SHE STATED WHILST STILL DRUGGED UP), SHE STOLE ITEMS FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE OF MINE WHILST TAKING SOME OF HER ITEMS, THEN SHE TOOK OFF AND HAS NEVER RETURNED. - Poor Sam & Max laid by the backdoor for DAYS waiting for her to return. She destroyed their trust and confidence and lives and has destroyed me and yet I still love her and want to be with her because I suported and loved her and did all that when so many (including her own family) abandoned her and it was they and MANY others here in Western Australia who treated her with utter disdain and derision and exploitation at every turn. (all that is yet ANOTHER huge aspect that would fill MANY MANY pages of blogs and I STILL would not be able to to have it be all known about). - AND NO FUCKER BELIEVES ME!

Sam has terrible injuries around his neck. I am bleeding and hurt.

Additionally outside there has been all morning the LOUD sounds of sudden smashings and crashes because of the Mundaring shire attending the next locality in picking up their rubbish bins, and there are a lot of bins (especially aboriginal and crimnal places of which there are now very many) who have bins full of alcohol bottles from all the booze they consume constantly. All that noise, all that crashing and smashing, all that upsets dear Max as well. - The incidence of all the extra noise from all that is VERY loud and sounds like it is just outside and closer to Max. And all this has risen dramtically AFTER dear Fliss left. She is utterly clueless about ANY of all this. And anyone else simply totally REFUSES to listen. They try to convince themselves that it all simply CANNOT be connected...but it is.

The interior of this hovel is VERY COLD. THERE IS NO HEATER AT ALL. Dear Sam & Max are sitting in the COLD and suffering. Sam is outside my shut bedroom door and crying and trying to come in. I cannot let him in because dear Max will demand and rush to come in as well with Sam straight away or later. If I let him in, he will become vicious to me. I would have to order him outside and he would attack me AGAIN. (all that HAS occured before believe me). -- A neighbour hearing all the tumult will again falsley blame me for everything. No good talking to anybody or anything to anyone.

Dear Sam loves his brother dog Max. But Max is in great terrible depair. - To have Max put down (killed) and destroyed, would destroy dear Sam. Fliss knows this and knew this. But she never cared about any of that. She considered them 'toys' to flout to others about and to project her 'great experience and expertise' of training dogs, when in fact it was myself also doing a huge deal of all the things she claimed to others. I do not know if dear Fliss is STILL doing all that but I suspect she is. I was one of her many 'defence mechanisms' (lying to herself) she used to bolster her self assuredness and she did that long before I ever knew her because of her all her terrible physical assaults that she and her family tells NOBODY about and so everyone remains totally ignorant of all that...to my detriment and others. Lies are enginered to cover it all up, and idiots believe the lies becaue it sounds so simple and plausible when in fact the real truth is just so MUCH MORE plausible and TRUE.

It's like somebody always claiming all the GOOD things but NEVER accepting all the bad things. That is dear Fliss. And a lot of that comes from the very terrible things that happened to dear Fliss in her life long before I ever met her that left her emotionally, mentally and physically very damaged and becoming worse. - But I loved her and she loved me and we had a life together, a life that others refused to acknowledge or help with at all and indeed were not just a hindrance but would always be trying to exploit dear Fliss for their own ends. And that inlcudes the 'friends' Fliss had.

I am in great pain already. I am going to have to take even more pain killers when all I wanted to do today was to take a simple headache painkiller and go back to bed, be warm, try to get over this damned terrible flu, and to forever me watchful of the rampant criminals all about this area of HELL.

It is VERY VERY cold inside this hovel.

There is going to be rain. And letting dear Sam and Max outside in all that to do their ablutions will again trigger all that shit to rise up again and endanger us all.

I was once flippantly told to 'get rid' of Max (have him killed/put down), but that would only destroy poor innocent Sam just as I am with Fliss. - You have NO idea at all how much I support innocence over guilt, NONE AT ALL. And nobody and nothing supports me ever, not ever. I experienced long ago, long befoe I ever met dear Fliss all that and suffered terribly and tragically. IN late September 2015 I was trying to tell dear Fliss just SOME of all that and she was staggered of it all, but was considerate and said we'd be together in New South Wales soon. I was overjoyed. But I was also very mindfulof Fliss's poor delicate mental states. And so I did NOT tell her of even WORSE things in my life I have suffered throughout, things that would make her cry and be so very upset about for me. - I never ever got to tell her anything about all that. Those things were VERY VERY applicable to her and my own deceased mother. The woman she had never met and she she always quietly said to me , I wish I could have met your Mum. - I'm not saying anymore. I'm too upset remembering it all. Nobody knows. Nobody cares. And when I'm dead nobody will ever care....ever.

Meanwhile the rampant criminals are totally indulged and pandered to, to the detriment of all others.

Sam & Max are in HELL.

I AM IN HELL.

It is not worth it at all to be alive in any way and has not been for so long.

My vision is going very blurry again. I've had no more than 4 hours sleep and then all this shit occured this very early morning.

The sooner there is a major war and we are all dead the better.

For myself life is nothing but constant agony leaving death to be the welcoming answer.

I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you.

Taking pain pills, going to bed to fail to sleep and be in pain. But nobody cares

[blanchelfields]

For Colored Girls who have committed career suicide when the rainbow was just a mirage

My Dad had been in a union. The union, as I saw, had done good things for him. Still, I had little knowledge of what a union for graduate students could mean. I had been in the graduate school atmosphere for 2 years to know that there some issues that could use some swift fixing (or at least acknowledgement as serious problems).  So I had took to organizing: walking from lab to lab to drum up interest in a graduate student union. I felt good in the work I was doing. Besides, I was taking a stand for myself. I was front and center in the effort to make my own life better. I was not willing to take a back seat to my problems (or those of my peers for that matter). That self-pride would soon become tested and would shake me in a way that would change my willingness to wave the flag of freedom again.

In meetings, we as organizers had been warned that the administration would soon be turning up the heat in the work to dismantle unionization efforts. We had been given some tactics previously used at other universities and how to combat such moves. Little did I know that I would be placed on the front lines of these attacks.

It would begin one day in class when our eccentric instructor would use class time to express his thoughts on the unionization of graduate students. (Let it be clear that this is a class of first-years. Besides myself and a couple of others, the remainder of the class was new to the university.) Being an organizer, I had been warned of this tactic and thought it would be useful to take notes. After class then, I would be able to debrief with my fellow organizers and we could come with a formal rebuttal. In his diatribe, I made no remarks, I simply took notes. In a class group chat, we would make remarks about how some of his statements were so off the wall. It was not until he made one claim so “outrageous” (and to my understanding blatantly untrue) that would really turn my fellow classmates against the idea of unionization that I would speak up. I went on to politely suggest that the statement he made was untrue. Still with side conversations at an ultimate high, he would continue to insist that his claim was indeed true. After, he would give in to research further into the matter and cleverly walked out of the room. In my very leader-way, I would assure my fellow classmates, the previous statement was indeed false. I would assure them (at the request of many) that I would inform fellow organizers a meeting for first-years was urgent. Class did eventually end...

Our class group chat would come back to bite us all. In our commenting of the day’s activities, one classmate (who had already taken this particular class and was now serving as our TA), would chastise us in showing more respect for our professor. She expressed how her own relationship with this professor prompted her into encourage the professor to use our instruction time to fight the union. She thought it would be best for us all. (That would show those spoiled, entitled first-years “what’s good”! *in my Nicki Minaj voice*)

I have not always been so outspoken. As a child, I can remember people always telling me to “speak up” and when I would, I felt I was too loud. I felt my thoughts were incoherent. I felt what I was saying was stupid. I think I found my voice after an elementary school fight. This bully had followed my elementary school career from when I first entered the school in the second grade. It was so bad, administration had to make sure we were in separate classes for the fourth grade. I guess they felt things had cooled down enough for us to be in fifth grade together again. We were sitting in a circle for something. I can remember her sitting across from me whispering in the ear of my fellow classmate about me. I became enraged. Something took over and I beat that little girl up! All the rage of the years of abuse came into my fists as I gave her everything I had. And no one was mad about it either. Not teachers or students as the relationship between me and this bully was a well-documented one. I had finally let her have it! From that point on, I was not scared of anybody. I craved confrontation...

And so I would be the first-year to respond. I told her it was not her place to decide for us what is in our best interests. I emphasized how important it was to be well-informed on such an issue during such a critical time in our lives. I also expressed my disdain with our class time being used to discuss this issue. With a professor with such a notorious teaching style, I wanted class time to go over testable material. I believe my classmates loved it. In other text threads I would be hailed champion. I would be praised for my standing up (in other text threads). The classmate I directed this to would send me a private message. I ignored it. I was just so angry and over her attempt to “son” her fellow (and GROWN) classmates for taking charge of their lives. 

A rebuttal soon followed in an email from our professor. In the next class, our lecture would be entitled “Union Bashing, the Re-Up.” This time he was angry. Graduate school is just a miserable time and we should all accept it. That is just the way things are.

It is all so funny now with things such as the march for science. Then we should just take things for what they are and how they have always been. Now we should unite together and show the world the importance of science research. Then we were seeking simple terms to help in our daily lives such as better healthcare, vacation time, more affordable housing, etc. Now we are angry because the Trump administration refuses to recognize our value and what we bring to society. The irony...

I would then come to realize that the night before, an email had been sent out from this professor. He mentioned me specifically in stating how he was so surprised that I would refute the claim that set the class on fire. As I began to look more closely into his email and focus on the rhetoric of his current spill, I came to realize this part 2 was not simply a rebuttal of the outlandish claim, but more so, a rebuttal to my text message in response to the TA. It was clear that she had forwarded this to him and he was now furious about my response. I began to get that feeling I got in the fifth grade...

Hindsight will always give you the best vision. I would soon realize how unaware I was of the true condition of my psyche. Especially in the context of the “Black Woman Strength Model,” we are well trained in masking pain, disappointment, fear. Inside, I was trembling. I was scared. However, I could not let anyone know these feelings. I had to push through this. I had to overcome it. I was going to be better on the other side of it. In that mind, I sought to embrace my new position. Others would weigh in to benefit on my new-found martyr status. This new incident of indecent interference on the part of the administration in the business between graduate students, provided a great fuel to the fire for the union. It essentially showed how dire a situation we as grad students were in. It intensified the look of the administration as monstrous and us as graduate students as damsels in distress. A direct representative of the union would ask that I start coming in as a testament to the administration’s unfair tactics in tackling the union. I would soon come to the point of backing away entirely from organizing.

A petition was drafted in hopes of graduate students to show solidarity in speaking out against the professor that called me out. We hoped to show that together, we were of the same mind in the belief that we were autonomous individuals who had the right to consider what options are best in the living of our lives. This could have been a powerful move to make as a unit. Besides, although this professor tried to insinuate just that, we were not spoiled, entitled, brats who are just ungrateful. On the very opposite end of the spectrum we were simply seeking solutions to woes that hindered our ability to be the best possible scientists. But just as expected, when it comes to radical change, there are only a few people that are willing to stand for what is right. In my lab, all but one student signed. Outside of my own lab, there were very few signatures from my colleagues. This is when it really had hit me. There was real fear of retaliation (or at least that was my interpretation of the few signatures). The evidence had been presented to everyone of why this had been drafted up. Perhaps the events as they had been relayed were not enough to stir up any type of emotion in other students. Perhaps they thought I had gone too far. Either way, my interpretation of my fellow colleagues’ disengagement in the process of their own liberation made me reevaluate my own willingness to continue in the struggle. 

I had resolved to step away from union duties. I was not interested in being the face in the resistance, the “mockingjay” to unionization efforts. I had decided that I would definitely vote yes for its implementation, but I had done enough in the effort to expose the why there was any need for a union to begin with.

So, if given the chance would I do it all over again? That is indeed a loaded question. I am proud of myself for having the guts to stand in what I believed was right. And the right I am speaking of is unrelated to my belief in the right to unionize. My right is referring to holding fast to your values and convictions and refusing to let anyone come in the way of such motivations. An old saying goes, “if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” And I stood for something! For this still, I had to pay a cost. That semester I became very anxious and it spilled over into other areas of my academic life. Certainly, I have become hyper-sensitive in my interactions with members of administration as well as fellow colleagues. These did make for a trying semester. I have never been able to sit on the sidelines while watching what is right get swept under the rug by wrong. It has never been an easy task for me. I see now, this situation I experienced was nothing that I had not encountered before. This time though, the stakes were much higher. If anything, I wish that I was strong enough to brave through and not allow the events affect me as much. I do believe this incident has equipped me in such a way as to brave the next challenge.

Many Black Women come to this crossroads. Often times (all the time) when we raise our voice to fight against ills, we are often dismissed as angry, bitter. This labeling is so powerful in turning the narrative against us. It serves to absolve the offender of his or her crimes. And we get this misnomer from every angle of society: our brothers, our sisters, white, and every other spectrum of the rainbow. My PI would use it to disguise his lack of essential communication skills. And although it has been a very common occurrence throughout all of my life, it is still frustrating when fighting for what is right. Did I choose career suicide? As I stated during the trying time, I believe in a higher authority more powerful than that professor (you have to be careful of the affirmations you speak, as I was surely tested on this point). But I still believe in standing firm on the side of what is right. Not doing so, for me, leads to a more heinous crime against myself. I refuse, even as the bitter, angry Black Woman, to forsake what is most precious to me. Often there will be there be carrots dangling in front of us to distract us from recognizing the grave crime we are about to commit: betrayal of self. And being a Black Woman, we also try to fight the stigma of being angry. But I have come to learn that this labeling in inevitable. You can be the most demure, but one day something is going to shake you. Your demure persona having existed for so long, will still be overshadowed in your one act of resistance. For how long, then, will we allow this stigma to stifle us in our expression of fighting for truth. I have taken the stance, even in all that I have had to endure, to ignore the distraction. The rest of the world will learn to catch up!

[tragicbooks]

Think everyone who marched on Saturday was a liberal coastal elite? Think again.

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Rebekah DeFreest was holding court with four of her fellow Women's Marchers in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, when five college-age men with Trump signs taped to their chests came by looking for a laugh — or a fight.

The standoff rapidly devolved into a screaming match. But DeFreest was determined to get into their heads.

"I pulled all of the men aside and we talked for probably half an hour. Some other protestors came up and encouraged the conversation, thanked them for coming out," DeFreest says.

DeFreest talks with Trump supporters. Photo courtesy of Rebekah DeFreest.

Bethlehem isn't Washington, D.C., and DeFreest isn't a Democrat. She voted for Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson. But her concern about what a Trump administration might do for the environment and Planned Parenthood, which saved her life by detecting her cervical cancer twice, led her to her local Women's March — in a city of 75,000 in a county that barely went for Hillary Clinton in the heart of coal country.

Attendance at Saturday's Women's Marches across the country — totaling around 3.2 million, according to a FiveThirtyEight estimate — surprised even many of the event's organizers.

Early reports of high turnout in D.C., New York, and Los Angeles prompted snap accusations that the march was a vanity project for "wealthy coastal elites." Unsurprisingly, the rally generated its biggest crowds in large urban areas in states won by Clinton.

But the proliferation of smaller rallies in red states — from Fairbanks, Alaska, to Sarasota, Florida — where marchers didn't have the luxury of preaching solely to the like-minded, are a signal that the movement has surprising strength and organizational seeds beyond its urban core.

Retired educator Linda Houston helped organize a march in her hometown of Wooster, Ohio — population 26,384.

Houston, a longtime Democratic activist and former local officeholder, was surprised at the turnout in a town she describes as leaning red.

"The last time I remember that many people was during the Vietnam War, so that was a long, long time ago," she says.

Houston (right) with the Wooster march planning committee. Photo courtesy of Linda Houston.

Some attendees were motivated by issues with particular local impact.

"Utah is gorgeous. It’s absolutely beautiful here. We have amazing outdoors, but we have some of the worst air quality in the entire country," says Katie Dabling, who marched in Ogden, Utah, despite a snowstorm that shut down roads and transit in the area. She worries that the Trump administration will gut environmental regulations and make health care less accessible for many in her state.

Utah is one of 19 states that refused to implement the Affordable Care Act's Medicaid expansion, stranding many of her friends and leaving members of her family trapped in the law's "gray area" — with an income too high to qualify for traditional Medicaid but too low to afford insurance on the ACA exchange. She fears the government won't patch the hole.

Some marchers in these small heartland towns and cities saw them as life rafts for their neighbors who might feel like they're the "only one."

Dabling, who grew up Mormon and has many friends and loved ones who have come out as LGBTQ only to lose their faith community, marched to remind them and America that her state and hometown aren't homogenous.

The Ogden rally, which had to compete with a snowstorm. Photo courtesy of Katie Dabling.

"Don’t count the little states out, or the red states, because definitely there’s people like me here who are angry, who didn’t want what’s going on to happen, and there’s just a lot of work to do," Dabling says.

"Do I have hope? Only if we continue with this," Houston says.

Houston is already organizing with a group of local residents to lobby their congressman against repealing the ACA. Traveling to his office will require securing care for her husband, who has Parkinson's disease, but she believes the stakes are too high to skip the trip.

Rallygoers in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Photo courtesy of Rebekah DeFreest.

"I have a granddaughter that I worry about constantly. And I keep telling her, ‘You’re important for who you are,'" she says.

DeFreest hopes to continue talking to the Trump supporters she met at the rally. After a wide-ranging debate over birth control, abortion, and public welfare programs, she invited them to join a Facebook group she started called "Finding Common Ground." The rules: Be informed and back up your points with facts from neutral sources.

All five joined.

"The next step is dialogue, and not hate or bashing," she says. "And if we could have good constructive conversations, like we did with them, we’d be able to break down so many boundaries."

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