#it is so depressing to me that sometimes ppl will just make content that's like

[jennycalendar]

some of the reviews i get on north star that make me a little :/ about this fandom in general (never towards the reviewers tho!) are "wow, this is such a wonderful fic! it's been a while since i've seen a fic that actually tries to treat every character with love, humanity, and understanding" and i'm like I MEAN THANKS BUT I WOULD PREFER NOT TO BE THE ONLY FIC WRITER CURRENTLY DOING THIS?

[juuheizou]

“[character] eats people” not in a condemning hannibal or whatever as immoral art kind of way but “they eat people” in a trying to get people to appreciate the lack of easy answers to tokyo ghoul morals way

[tanadrin]

I would love to hear the rant about social media doomerism and conspiracy

I’m on my phone right now but the summary version is something like:

Humans are bad at integrating information into their worldview accurately bc of various cognitive biases

Social media incentivizes us seeking out content that excites fear or anger or irritation

Social media thus causes us to form negative impressions of the world bc it mediates so much information consumption and discourse these days

This general negative affective impression is subject to high confirmation bias and ppl in general are really bad at divorcing an affective impression of a thing from their dispassionate reasoning abt a thing

(Bc one of the functions of an affective impression is to “cache” our conclusions about a topic to save time and effort later)

(In general if you are a cynic and pessimist you can fall prey to these biases w/o social media but I think social media makes more ppl susceptible to them)

People don’t want to be dupes so they seek refuge in cynicism. We treat cynicism as wise or worldly when in fact cynicism makes you a dupe and an easy mark for grifters. Cynicism and low trust foster conspiracism, paranoia, and antisocial politics

(This is why so many congenitally contrarian folks seem to flit effortlessly between the far left and far right; it’s not horseshoe theory, they’ve just cooked their brains on this stuff)

This is a world where populist anti-social politicians like Trump and the AfD thrive, bc they will lie about how everything is terrible and people will nod along, bc it explains why their social media is full of awful stories of, like, immigrants eating pets and shit

But it doesn’t just have to be insane lies only a moron could believe. It can be any impression about a fact in the world that it is difficult to personally check and which is vulnerable to being swayed by anecdote

This is how we get a word where people think crime rates are higher than they’ve ever been when in fact crime is falling

Or child predators lurk around every corner when in fact children are safer than ever

Or the American economy is in a recession when in fact it’s doing historically well by just about every available metric (now with full employment AND low inflation!)

Because in a big world even where things are in general good and getting better you can always produce infinite individual examples of shitty things and pipe those in a steady stream into people’s eyeballs, and then point to that and leverage people’s low trust attitudes and their cynicism which tells them they are smarter than the experts and go “statistics is just a fancy way to lie! The world is secretly terrible! Every bad thing is even worse than you thought and every good thing is a lie!”

(Nevermind the whole phenomenon where anything that is complicated or that someone does not themselves understand gets treated like it’s actually secret and a conspiracy.)

And here I know I have to include some disclaimer about how this is not to discount individual cases of suffering or struggle, which are real, or that there are indeed some really awful things happening in the world right now, which there are, but you know what?

I’m tired of doing that. People with reading comprehension operating in good faith ought to be able to deduce that general statements do not obviate particular exceptions, and people who cling to their doomerism as a kind of emotional life raft do not generally argue with me in good faith.

Sometimes doomerism is a load-bearing pillar of their politics, which I think is dumb—I think you can be a leftist or a progressive without being a doomer! In fact I think doomerism is antithetical to useful politics!

Sometimes they are just depressed and treatment-resistant. Sometimes they are just angry misanthropes who want to feel justified in their misanthropy. Some doomers are themselves in bad circumstances and feeling hopeless about that—to them I am enormously sympathetic. Though a lot of doomers will admit they personally are doing OK—this does not seem to be most doomers.

But I think in general cynicism and doomerism and a worldview dominated by a general nebulous air of Everything Is Awful and by abstract nouns with threatening auras is not conducive to wisdom or understanding or useful politics or leading a happy and fulfilling life.

[year2000electronics]

wow. four years old huh. i'll keep this part short but sappy rant under the readmore! happy four years!!

it feels like just yesterday when i watched this series on a whim because my friend kept making jokes about my ocs with hlvrai quotes and then it was so funny and engaging that it pulled me out of a months-long depressive slump... feels like just yesterday that my work was finally being seen by people, yesterday that the summer of 2020 was one of the most interesting summers ive ever had, yesterday when the 2020-2021 school year ended up being one of the most difficult times of my life and hlvrai really helped me get through it. without exaggeration this series has changed my life

yeah we all may have had ups and downs, like a LOT of downs, but ill always consider hlvrai to be very special to me, not just because i love it but because it represents so many good things to me: friends joking around having fun, friends carrying their past experiences with them (gmod rping, an affinity for extensively-planned bits, jokes that could ONLY be made by rtvs with each other, you get it), and how the best things often come from happy accidents, from people who DARE to CARE, because hlvrai is good because theyre not afraid to be silly! theyre not afraid to be stupid and sincere and ridiculous!!

and the most inspiring part to me has always been that hlvrai wasnt made to chase any trends. it didnt come in the wake of anything, it was made, and then after it was made, rtvs pretty obviously made it clear that they wouldnt let their lightning-in-a-bottle series box them in. like everyone on the team is very strongly against ppl being parasocial to them, they dont let people beg them for the funny half life info and references, all that. as a creator its cool to see people doing what they love and not succumbing to any pressure algorithmically or otherwise, especially during the lockdowns, when a lot of other streamer-based fandoms cropped up that had a VERY big 'encouraging being parasocial' problem. its always been nice to have a web series thats just one of many awesome things rtvs has done

hlvrai was everything i could have ever asked for and more, and me myself i was perfectly content with just having the standalone series forever, because sometimes a standalone thing is all you need. but with hlage, bbvrai, and hl2vrai being announced, im still so happy to be here and so happy that i get to keep enjoying one of my favourite pieces of media <3

[sid-sn]

My Darling Irene

my Irene headcanons below cuz someone asked <3

all interpretations of characters are my own and it’s not historical or canonical accurate, will change based on the future canon updates

contains certain explicit content so please see the tags, outlast itself is a warning tbh

According to the voicelines she’s drugged and hypnotized by her husband and most of the time is just a very obedient trad wife. But they also mentioned she would argue with Easterman and wants to leave him after discovering he’s been drugging her. So in my headcanon her mental state is very unstable, she’s drifting in and out of the drugs effects, she’s not entirely lost and is constantly fighting against the manipulation of her husband.

But as the time settings is in the 1960s so the general environment is pretty misogynistic. She’s confused about the social role of a woman that she often questions wether this abusive marriage is expected to be normal or she’s going insane. (That’s when Avellanos comes in and change her entire worldview with lesbians sex)

As for the self harm wounds that’s solely because Easterman loves to have power over ppl so he makes her harm herself under drugs or hypnosis. (according to his conversation with Wernicke I assume he’s repulsed at hetero sex, probably because of his own gender dysphoria. So yes that misogynistic freak gets off to her pain is hardly a surprise) Irene usually doesn’t remember the process, so she mistaken those are because of her own alcoholism and depression. She hates herself and those wounds, would use bandages to hide them.

I headcanon she comes from a decent wealthy family, provided her with enough sense of self and knowledge but not enough to let her see beyond the social gender discipline. She met Easterman and his brother Stanley in high school, their relationship is kind of like the langermanns and Jessica situation in O2. Stanley secretly had a crush on her but unfortunately Irene only views him as a friend back then, too blinded by the feigned maturity of Hendrick and her family probably favors Hendrick over Stanley’s soft and pessimistic personality anyway. Both of the brothers are not mentally stable as they both grow up in an abusive household, unlike Hendrick who is good at hiding his fucked up mentality Stanley is very aware of his inability to provide her with a healthy relationship, but still he cares for Irene deeply. She later developed some feelings for Stanley after she’s stuck in the terrible marriage.

But then again we know too little about the brothers, the whole Easterman family is a giant mess. To elaborate on my headcanons on Easterman’s family will take another wall of text so I will skip that here, but I’m also very interested in that topic.

Anyway we know what happened to Stanley next(actually we don’t) Irene is absolutely devastated, would often see him in her dreams and drugs induced hallucinations. Sometimes Stanley appears to her in an unspeakable way(my explanation for the uniform kink, that police line is irrelevant to me idc), she’s terrified of her own infidelity but it’s a comfort to her nonetheless. She’d see him appearing as a corpse sometimes but he’d never been scary to her. Everything about Stanley is a comfort compared to her reality.

Her feelings regarding her husband is mixed. Deep down she hates his guts but the environment around her is making it impossible for her to leave, so her mind would probably develop a self protect mechanism that’s build around the fond memories with him before marriage, which leads to her thinking she still loves her husband. Also the drugs and hypnosis aren’t helping.

In conclusion she’s not a blank trad wife character to me, and I don’t think that’s what red barrels wanted her to be either.

[yooniesim]

ok unfortunately for yall the dash made me have a thought so now I gotta ramble lol

but ya know. maybe it's bc I've had so much time away from here and all the bitching (/affectionate) but over the past couple years, I get less angry about this shit and more solution-minded. and I don't mean for the community as a whole (that's impossible lol) but in a sort of... personal circle/responsibility type of way. like what we can do among ourselves without the confrontation aspect bc, just being honest- from my perspective & experience, the anger and the bitching doesn't really accomplish shit. not to say it ain't justified, & it's important to raise awareness for sure, but i swear me & a lot of others that have been talking about this for a long time have just been barking in circles without anything budging one way or another. which leads to burnout/emotional exhaustion not just for the ppl in question but for followers/mutuals/friends. I spent far too long and waaaay too much mental energy thinking that being the loudest and the boldest would get something to change. but the scammers keep scamming and the shit just keeps going. and sure it's fun as hell to shoot the shit and pick and bitch and laugh with your mutuals. baby yall know I love a good simblr circlejerk. but ya know, when you sit down and think about it it's a lil depressing. and the ppl you're talking to/around are already Aware and eventually the anger wears off and they're just tired of hearing about it. you're preaching to the choir and everyone is just pissed and tired with no clear goal to work towards.

Part of that exhaustion is why i made @alwaysfreecc as a positive way to boost always free creators, without focusing on the paywallers. as well as always supporting alternate ways of getting paywalled cc. but I think it takes a lil more than just that. I think, like the post I just reblogged was saying, people need to learn how to make their own content too. I know there's a learning curve, but so many things paywallers make are outright easy to do yourself. Some aren't- there are paywall creators that put great effort into their content and make it worth your money- but a lot of them are. And that isn't to say you should make everything yourself, there's nothing wrong with supporting creators that make content you find interesting or wouldn't want to do yourself, but it can be really rewarding to learn how to make simple edits and recolors on your own. And, image editing and 3d modeling skills can also benefit you elsewhere in life! Whether professionally or when modding other games. Knowing how to make cc in sims helped me figure out how to make certain things for skyrim and fallout, for example. Hell, it's just plain FUN to figure out and do, and I think the community could always use more of that.

Also, sometimes it's freeing to just, stop using certain creators' content. Like, i used to be bitching yet downloading stuff off dhm and shit, out of spite mostly cos half the stuff I didn't even like. But since I cleared out a lot of paywallers' stuff, besides a few I think are worth it/doing things honestly, it just feels better. I don't even think about those mfs anymore until I see something about them on my dash and then I can barely remember who they are lol. You don't realize how much you really don't NEED any of that shit & how you were kinda just downloading it to be downloading it, until you toss it. AND it feels great to have mostly always free creators' content & support them. Liiike i feel proud of ppl i saw get started and are STILL FREE and making awesome stuff, it's exciting! even when I'm not playing the game, I see their posts and be like "dang I need to grab that when I update" or "man they've gotten so much better in so little time" or "wow I never thought of that idea/seen that before". Bc always free peeps get to be so damn creative bc they don't have deadlines or turning off their paying audience to worry about. Like it's so cool and positive and I love that.

idk, just. based on what I've experienced here, i feel like it's kinda time to focus less on what the assholes are doing now (aka the same exact thing they've been doing for years) and more on what to do to make our own personal experiences better. which I know a lot of us are doing! I just wish I personally had done it earlier lol so maybe someone else needs to hear that too. like toss these dummies to the curb and replace them is what I'm sayin. If not in the whole community but just your personal circle. raise awareness as needed sure but don't let em take any more of your energy. cos if you are petty like me (😂) it'll hurt em way more to cast em out than yell at em. all the ppl that have bitched at me yet still have my cc in their folders come to mind lmfao, cos personally that gives me more satisfaction than anything else so I know it's probably the same for the scammers! Like a "you hate me but you can't bear to not use my shit huh 😏" type of deal. Don't give em that sick pleasure! (/projecting) Just focus on you and yours and make some sick ass content for yourself, then share it to me thx 💅

[thesuperiorgenshinaddict]

Angel Dust N$FW Alphabet

AN: i was trying to see what other ppl write abt angel dust for motivation or something but there's like almost nothing. am i crazy??? i found a singular ns//fw alphabet about him. someone please write about him thanks xoxo also for these i'm assuming that you're in a relationship w/ him or at least really friendly fuckbuddies Pairing: Angel Dust x GN! Reader Warnings: Sexual content, Switch! Angel Dust, Valentino mentioned, Self-Hatred, idk it's mainly just sweet nasty fluffy bullshit. actually disgustingly sweet blergh

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) His job revolves around sex. He's done this tons of times, makes sure you're feeling okay and gets you drinks and snacks and whatever you need. Takes a bath with you afterwards and if you're feeling too tired to get up, he'll just carry you over and clean you up and tucks you into bed afterwards. Forehead kisses, woo!

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Despite him constantly flexing about how attractive he is, I feel like he probably feels disgusted at himself sometimes. Thinks that he's just an object of sexual attraction after a long day at work. Make sure you tell him about how lovely he is. I'm highkey trying to think of a single horny thing to put in here to make him seem less depressed but I can't think of anything. Uhhh, fuck.

He loves every part of you, so I can't really think of anything in particular. Likes holding the area between your hips and waist for support or holding you under him, whatever your preference is. He's versatile.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) The dude's done so many things with cum. Would swallow it and loves seeing it all over your or his body. This was more of a brain rot thought, but I randomly thought about how he's a spider. Hear me out. His cum's like the fucking spider web material but in a more watery form. It's a bit hard to wash out and gets abso-fucking-lutely everywhere. Tastes relatively basic, but the texture makes it a bit strange. Great, just wait until future jobs pull this up and ask me if I'm attracted to spiders. I'm cooked.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) For a second I was just going to type STD with a shit ton of exclamation marks, but we can go hope that Valentino's stars are tested. I really don't think Angel Dust has a lot of 'dirty secrets' considering how his job makes him do a lot of different things.

This is like the second time I've pulled this exact thing where I turn this into a completely non-dirty secret but he loves soft sex. Is this because every character I write presents as a blatantly horny fuckwad? Gee, I might have to switch it up soon with a less horny person. Or demon. Whatever.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) We already knew what was going to be written here. He's seen and done everything. Even though his job requires him to exaggerate moaning and whatever, he knows what feels good and what's not sexy. He would catch on to where you're the most sensitive and target that.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) He doesn't have a favorite one, but he enjoys the ones where he can see your face so he can lean close and give you a little peck on the lips. Angel's main priority is to make sure you're feeling good, so if you're wanting it to be a bit more rough, he's down for doggy style or whatever kinky shit ya throw at him. I'm resisting the urge to just say 'ya' instead of you for the rest of this thing. Fuck, his talking style is worming it's way into my daily conversations too. It's infectious (like the herpes he probably has. I'm sorry the opportunity was just too perfect LMFAO)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) Leaning more on the joking side. He'll say like twenty sex jokes per round, minimum. I don't even think I'm exaggerating there considering how majority of his script in the show was literally just innuendos. If you're feeling upset, he'd make sure to tone the jokes down and be a bit more romantic and everything. None of the jokes are degrading though, they're always on the lighter side since he knows how vulnerable sex is. There's this drabble I really want to put in but it's way more AMAB! leaning, maybe I'll write a little thing about him later on a separate post. (most subtle self-promotion /s)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) I'm thinking rather completely clean or trimmed. Since his job needs him to look good, he always makes sure he's in good condition. It's pretty much the same shade as his hair with maybe a slight pink tinge to it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Hope ya read the AN part because I'm assuming you're close to him. In that case, he's pretty romantic about it. Tells you how good you're doing and peppers your face with kisses. Overloads you with compliments.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Honestly, he's exhausted from work so he never really has a reason to masturbate (unless Valentino has it in one of his scripts). Usually just flops down into his bed and cuddles with Fat Nuggets. Although, he'd find some mutual masturbation attractive. If he accidentally walks in on you masturbating to him, he'd totally tease you about it. Maybe. I don't even know at this point. I think my brain's dissecting itself

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Bondage (Giving or receiving), Body Worship (Giving or receiving), damn this shit is mild asf I'm trying to think of literally anything else and I can't uhhhhhh... Idk oral probably

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) He'd probably prefer somewhere more private. I don't think he'd completely be against public/semi-public sex, but it's more of the fact that he's famous and would rather get paid for giving people a show. Horniness aside though, I think he would rather just be in a cozy place to fuck.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) This one's kinda random but I feel like he'd be super into it if you showed off one of your talents. It doesn't even have to be physical, but like if you did some shit like idk math or something (please not math) he'd call you some flirty ass nickname mildly related to the subject at hand and do some dirty talking.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) He'd definitely get fucking flaccid if you're anything like Valentino. That being if you force him into a situation where he has no control whatsoever or if you're too harsh with him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Due to his occupation, he does giving way more often since he's pushed into a power bottom role. He rarely gets blowjobs, so he'd definitely enjoy it a ton, especially if it's more of a soft, romantic mood. His skill for giving is a 9.5-10/10 since he's been doing this shit for decades.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Oh my god. If I have to write 'oh yeah his job makes him do yadadada buuuuutttt' ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I'm actually going to start bawling my eyes out. I feel like if you've read this far and intended on reading with one hand, you're probably bored out of your mind already. I'm so sorry Buuutttt youuu guessseddd it. Enjoys both, likes slow a lot too cuz he doesn't get intimate stuff often yap yap yap uhghghghghghh im so sorry dude this must be so boring to read i'm sorry reader

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Quickies are pretty convenient for him, since Valentino makes him work often so he doesn't mind a quick sesh before heading off to work. If for whatever reason he has a break (or he magically quits his job), I think he'd probably prefer taking his time, but if he's in a rush or there's something he needs to do, he'll find a random secluded area for a quickie. I read that as quiche.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) If you can find something he never did before, then yeah, totes. Can't believe I said totes in 2024. Fuck. Anyway, there's no way it's that different from what he's done before because it really just boils down to 'idk just gotta get jizz', which is his talent.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) He's used to taking long ass night shifts so he can go for a ton. I think he'd just go for 3~ when he has time, I don't think he's that desperate to fuck outside of work because he's probably pretty drained already. Thinking of that in the literal sense is lowkey nasty

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) Owns a good bunch because he probably gets gifts from fans which end up just being dildos and vibrators and ass plugs or something. Like I said in the masturbation one, I don't think he really needs to use them that often, but he might use a dildo every now and then. He'd probably bring them out occasionally when having sex.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) I feel like he's teasing throughout the day since all he's apparently fluent in horndog language and only communicates in sex jokes. Slander aside, during the actual sex sesh whenever that is, I think he wouldn't do edging for that long and just skip the foreplay.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) When recording, he heavily exaggerates his moaning and it probably became a habit. Good luck with trying to be subtle because his voice alone could probably blow some poor kid's ears up.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Dogshit at playing Uno. Wow I'm so creative. Who could've thought of Uno when they read wild card! Haha. Haha. Hah. Ha. Fuck, I'm so shit at writing. Who let me have a computer again?

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Y'know, when you look at him, I don't think your first though is 'big dick energy'. When he was alive, I think it'd probably have been 5-5.5 inches. Definitely very slim with a rosy pink at the tip. I know he's 8 ft, but I still don't get big dick energy so I'm just gonna go with 6-7 and call it a day.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Probably still very high despite getting fucked constantly, but if you're not feeling sexual, I don't think he'd try to push it too far. Unless you're looking for angst or toxic headcanons, then push that shit to max. Delicious, painful angst. Yum! That's mainly prior to episode 4 though, since they speedran his entire fucking arc and ended it in like 2 episodes. Thanks pacing, I really appreciate it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) He doesn't fall asleep easily for a variety of reasons, so he'd scroll on his phone for a bit or something before sleeping with you if he trusts you enough. AN: well that was dogshit thanks i hated it /jk but maybe I just have beef with 'wholesome' things. imo this is probably the type of bullshit they say when 'anthony' and 'angel dust' are different because this was definitely anthony or whatever then. man i gotta make this shit more horny next time, think i'll do val or blitzo or verosika or idk someone who's horny. like and follow for more banger content guys boom (seriously though i feel like this was super lame i'm sorry)

[vorpalfae]

Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

[fictionfixations]

edit: if anyone saw a post where i was being all depressed because i lost the post i was working on. turns out tumblr did post it but my sleep deprived brain didnt think to check my posts !??! thats my bad

i make poor decisions when its late and i really shouldnt be playing gacha games because i get more impulsive then i usually am but also outside of 'i really want halloween riddle' i and someone else were praying for each others pulls (we both wanted riddle) and were gonna stay up until it did the daily reset to immediately start pulling so here i am (if you've seen my other posts you should know that it was also like this in HSR that I pulled Jade even though I didn't have an erudition built and didnt really want her but tired me thought ..what if i pulled and then i got her and then i didnt have pulls for jiaoqiu)

Result is, Halloween Rook (30 pulls) Halloween Riddle (60 pulls) and then since I was already there I decided to pull until 100 where I got Halloween Silver (100 pulls) its a good haul👍 but also rip all my pull savings. but also now i have all the cards i ever wanted (riddle as a fav and silver cause when i first started and looked at everyones card art his halloween one was really pretty) so like. this is good with me 🤷

anyway the only card remaining on my like. wish list(???) i guess is like. next main story card. erRr JP SpoiLeRS but Sebek Armor of Eternal Night or something like that. cause General Lilia duos with Sebek. but honestly not that big a deal sometimes i find dorm uniform sebek's as peoples support card

but thats less a want want and more i want him to make my cards strong instead of i just want to pull them i probably wont use them but like i want them (i probably will use them in the future but i need to build my main team first 💀)

in any case i do like sebek but also idk man

like. i set a bunch of goals of stuff i really wanted to do as a twst player when first starting which was really a bunch of ideals (like it didnt really seem possible and i figured id have to settle for less?) but like

i wanted halloween riddle and silver general lilia tropical wear riddle i got all of them

also i wanted to get every riddle card cause ppl were doing it for the favorites and i really liked riddle. so i got his birthday bloom. i do NOT have his other birthday cards because ooh boy i do not have the funds for that im perfectly content with my birthday bloom, one ssr at a time please. but so im content with that, still marking it was ok since tbh i dont really expect to get them all since i usually play f2p and also even i got all of them wtf do i do with them ???? but so check anyways for birthday bloom. but also besides that i literally got him in the first ten pull TWICE so like. i feel like that should count ?? cause that was stupid crazy luck 😭

and i wanted two dorm uniform cards who duo'd off of each other so i could have like two of them in one turn and it does the satisfying double duo thing when it switches between them attacking

which i can do. because i got dorm riddle when i first started, and i got dorm azul a bit ago who im working on getting the books for. so i can do that too.

and then i also wanted to be the kind of player who had a bunch of strong cards built that i could switch between a bunch of them for battles. which i do i just need to build them.

so its like.

??? idk what to do now

i yapped a lot more than i thought i would

um.

[celestiallyslimy]

dear systems(?) of tumblr; (a genuine ask/vent)

i've been showing signs of dissociative identity disorder, and would like to know what people who do have the disorder see my experience as. disclaimer; i have not done much research on dissociative identity disorder, and i am tagging this with tags related to the content of the vent to reach an audience with actual knowledge on dissociative identity disorder, not because i think i have it. i hope that the way i tag doesnt offend people.

buffer for s/a(?), gaslighting, and ed mention also in case you dont wanna hear my sob story and want to know my actual ask, the actual ask is highlighted. the tldr is in red

so, when i was not even ten, my younger sisters would lick my boobs and try humping me and holding me down to slap my bare buttcheeks. my parents didn't help me at all, they said that they're too young to know it was sexual and i should set my own boundaries. i've had dreams about it but im unsure whether i should actually label it as s/a since my sisters are younger than me and less mature. i've also been told small things like "this song is called (example)" only to be told "i've never heard of that song, no it's called (example 2)" since i was 5. this has led to me questioning my identity, and not in the "im not cishet" way, and more of the "how old am i? am i even fourteen? was i even born as (deadname)?" way where i dont know my surroundings. until i was 6-7, i would assume everything i believed was a dream and end every sentence with "but yeah it was probably just a dream and not real". and then, there's my sisters body shaming me AT EIGHT until i started showing signs of bulimia and anorexia (although, my experiences have only aligned with certain systems and i have never seen a therapist, im NOT saying im diagnosed). they would make fun of my for my boobs, stomach, arms, etc.

i've been having multiple "personalities"? not really identities. i mean, the ones i make a distinction with (such as my blogs; i have three blogs right now) use different names and pronouns. but there are other ones with different habits and typing quirks. they never really manifest irl (other than my names, but all the ppl irl know (not my family) is that i go by salem, millie, and eris). sometimes, i dont want to speak at all, sometimes i talk way too much, other times, "i talk liek thizz :333 X333". my main blog, starrinymph, (even tho i dont use it much) goes by ambrose; but i go by ambrose a lot online. this blog (celestiallyslimy) goes by orion, daughterofnoridoorman, for fictionkin content, goes by sage, uzi, and v. it feels weird to put my names/pronouns that i use on one blog on another but i've been doing it anyways because i want to be consistent. but, even when im using a different personality than my basic one, i dont have gaps in my memory. i can switch between these identities voluntarily, but once it happens subconsiously (i dont know a better word), it doesnt really go away. and if i purposefully try and suppress it, then, i start getting anxious, and get the need to pick at my skin and hair. its also sometimes like i can hear different "people" in my head. if it helps, i've also shown signs of other disorders from many quizzes (i would get a professional diagnosis if i could), such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, borderline personality disorder, adhd, and more.

tldr; i've had experiences at the age where i was supposed to develop that many would consider to be "traumatic". i am wondering if me having multiple personalities (which i can choose to act as, but can not actively switch out of if it happens on its own, and usually only has changes in typing/ minor changes in personality) may be a sign of dissociative identity disorder.

[aydaptic]

Considering you ship reed900, which is a ship that doesn’t have anything versus hank/connor’s relationship (regardless if it’s romantic or not) which is actually real, you really should not be throwing stones.

While I’ll do agree in respecting a creators vision, you do also understand that fandom has been changing/rectifying creators decisions, sometimes really dumb ones, for decades.

Fandom is supposed to be fun. If everyone had a stick up their ass about “this creator thinks this idea is shit so nobody can do it”, fandom would be a lot more depressing.

Also, you’re a Gavin lover, which means you know first hand what it’s like to be hated because of something as simple as “I think this character is neat” so why do the same to other people?

(1/2) This is the last post I'll respond to this topic. If you have anything to add, do it in the replies, as I will ignore any other ASKs bringing it up. Constantly repeating myself isn't useful for anyone and only clutters tags/dashboards.

I wouldn't even be talking about this if ppl didn't directly ask me, so do yourselves a favor and stop adding to the negativity.

Reed900 is adding content.

The other ship is replacing content (romantic/s*xual dynamic replacing a father/son dynamic.)

You're either being disingenuous or can't see the difference.

Even in an AU, a parent/child relationship can't be altered to be romantic/s*xual and be moral, bc that stuff is objectively creepy. Especially when related to the writer's therapy. It's even worse than shipping Markus and Carl bc of said therapy.

I repeat: There's a difference between "adding" something and directly "replacing" something.

Never said ppl "can't" do it. I simply point out how morally wrong they are for doing so. What they do with that information is up to them. If someone cares so much about what I say, then hell, that only shows they struggle to think for themselves. It's their insecurity/lack of individuality at play. I provide facts, opinions, etc. and let ppl make decisions based on it.

There's nothing morally wrong with loving Gav as a character. Shipping someone romantically/s*xually however, when they're canonically written as father/son, is morally wrong. It's very simple.

(2/2) I'm convinced the next ASK on this topic (below the cut) is the same person, so I'm adding it to this post.

If that ever happened, I'd change my WebComic by swapping Niner with a woman/human woman. Problem solved. It would be an interesting challenge, too. Only if it's Cage/Williams -- or they confirm it through someone else -- though. They're the lead writers.

I'm humble enough to have the respect/self-control to do so. You might not.

The joy I've gotten from Reed900 throughout the years can never be taken from me. Although I'd feel bad that I went against a creator's vision in the past -- against my knowledge -- my joy in those past moments before knowing won't cease to exist.

As for the future after learning something like that? I'd legit feel sick looking at my Reed900 content if Gav was canonically confirmed straight. So I'd have no issue stopping to create the content. Well, newsflash. He hasn't. Thus I'll keep making Reed900 content until that (if ever) stops being the case.

There are other sources of joy in life.

If you can't accept canon, and instead preach that it's OK to change it, make your own product with your own characters. Stop leeching off of someone else's hard work. That's just laziness and disrespect. Remind yourself that Detroit: Become Human wouldn't exist without Cage/Williams both. Learn humility.

[hypergamiss]

hello queen, I have a pathetic question about dating: how to not feel jealous at those who seem like they’ve found “the one” already? Ik all that stuff about everyone being on their own journey and stuff, but it does hurt sometimes. I’ve never even dated so seeing everyone find their one is heartbreaking sometimes. Ik there’s the bad parts of dating such as my friend saying her guy is the one and love of her life (they recently bought a house together) but also that he plays video games often and she feels bored and lonely at times. Sometimes tho I just want that relationship for the dumb sake of saying I have a boyfriend, or that attention. How the hell do you get over it and be content with yourself? It genuinely feels like no one is single around me /: maybe I’d feel differently if I had some single friends to relate to? Idk I just feel jealous all the time, and it isn’t good for me or my future. I should be focusing on creating the best version of myself but this insecurity is holding me back. It feels like a what do these girls have that I don’t? My friend told me a lot of ppl just settle and that’s why they’re in relationships but it didn’t make me feel better. I just want to find my ���one” perfect ambition, hard working guy already. Sorry for venting, I love your account and advice.

Listen, social media is a dating reality show edited to make you feel like a loser. All you get are the bouquets and champagne dates, never the screaming match about dirty dishes. But lemme tell you, relationships are WORK. Even those picture-perfect couples have their "Why did I do this?" moments and silent car rides filled with unspoken resentment. That's just reality, even if it doesn't fit on an Instagram caption.

Being single can be tough, but let's not pretend relationships are a magic fix. It's about trading one set of problems for another, usually spicier ones. Don't get me wrong, the right person is worth it, but life isn't a fairytale. Notice how those couples with the constant PDA often go silent when things get messy?

Here's where self-discovery comes in. Sometimes those relationship cravings are masking something else – a need for excitement, validation, whatever. Figuring that out is way more productive than doom-scrolling relationship goals.

You think having a partner is this automatic happiness upgrade, but I've been on the other side, in a relationship feeling lonelier than ever. Trust me, it's a mind-blowing kind of awful, followed by a new level of depression. That's the thing nobody talks about.

So, I rock my single status because guess what? I've got standards. Settling for mediocrity just to avoid being alone? Nope. I'd rather invest my energy elsewhere. Because contrary to all that rom-com nonsense, you can't outsource your happiness to another person. You gotta build that for yourself.

A healthy relationship is two happy people adding to each other's lives, not draining each other dry with emotional baggage. That's why I'm perfectly content rolling solo until the right one comes along. Do you want dependence and drama? There are plenty of trashy reality shows for that.

Yeah, it's different from the usual "find your soulmate" BS, but it's REAL. You want fulfillment? Build that life for yourself first. The rest either falls into place, or you realize you're happier without another person's dirty socks in the mix.

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[boydepartment]

ive noticed you tend to apologise a lot when youre tired and taking a break 😅 you shouldnt do that. youre a human, of course you'd feel tired sometimes. hope youre taking enough rest and recovering soon, no pressure to take and accept requests.

im sorry your interview went weird, but its good you pulled back the moment you found it sketchy. hopefully youd get a chance to accomplish your dream sometime soon in the future! take care jayjay

-🎄

hi it’s okay 🎄 anon :) i’m gonna use your ask to talk abt something if that’s okay, this isn’t @ you, i pinky promise.

i’m gonna be honest after valentine’s day i might just leave this account ? i don’t think ill delete anything but i just can’t be on tumblr or read any of the content i used to. i talked about it a bit a couple days ago i just want to elaborate more.

it makes me really just idk :/ i don’t like the community at all anymore and it’s been declining my mental for a bit. i love enha and all my people in the different groups i like, but i really really hate how some ppl write them and it just freaks me out REALLY bad. ESPECIALLY RIKI. like fuck some of you guys are so weird bruh…. and shameless. like you have no respect and don’t even on the “it’s not that serious.” you’re fucking weird. period. there’s no reason to make some of the shit you guys say public at all.

it’s been talked abt more recently how dubcon and dark fics are more common now and i can’t keep scrolling past it and seeing it. it freaks me out that people will write about actual people like that especially someone who lived at the receiving end of abuse like that. why would you want someone you love to be put in the situation of the abuser? like it doesn’t click to me and sometimes even scrolling past and seeing the tags and send me into a bad episode so i just can’t anymore. i don’t know how people think that’s okay to push their coping mechanism that’s darker and extremely damaging on an actual HUMAN BEING. coping mechanism or not that’s fucking weird. they may be idols but they are human beings too.

i’ve also had a few asks in my anon that are just straight up rude, demanding, or calling me weird for liking riki at all? like you are attacking the wrong girl i have nothing but respect for him. those anons are just stressing me out aswell and it’s just too much. i’m exhausted constantly being disrespected. tumblr is supposed to be a platform where i can get away and get lost in lighthearted stories and it’s not that for me anymore.

i might come back after i leave on valentine’s day but i need time to actually enjoy kpop like i used to. the fans are ruining it for me and it’s just been making me really depressed. i can’t even go on tiktok sometimes because of the fan bases. i’ve always been very open with you guys and like, i need to pull back from these fan bases and take care of myself. i barely eat, sleep, or enjoy anything anymore(that’s due to offline stuff but being on tumblr doesn’t help any of that at all). i miss having fun and the communities are ruining it.

[tigerplushh]

Intro post !! ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა

𐔌  .  abt me  !  ౨ৎ

hiiii ^_^ I go by ollie / tiger !! aeeaueuehh it’s already in my bio but I’m adding it here too ,, I use he / xe prns + I’m genderfaun / genderqueer basically , biromantic aroace spec but that’s just a rough guess I really do not know what I am. Anyway !! I’m from the UK and I am a MINOR so don’t be weird or I will viciously attack you in your slumber !!!! If you know me outside of tumblr no you do not !!!!!!! autistic / (social) (and general,,,) anxiety haver / sometimes (??) depression haver

I do not post consistently!!!! I am literally only here to say things. Sometimes. And also have fun

I AM THE REAL POMPOMPURIN!!!!!

𐔌  .  interests / fandoms / etc  !  ౨ৎ

jjk , MHA , arcane , saiki k , creepypasta , mouthwashing , avid markiplier + kubzscouts + gloom + slimecicle watcher. I like art and reading and writing and creativity and making up stories in my head!!!! And. Animals !!! :3 fav characters are my wife suguru geto , satoru gojo , yuji + nobara + megumi and shoko :3 (jjk) , viktor + silco + jinx (arcane) , saiki + kaido (saiki k obvi :3) , pompompurin, masyumaro, chococat, pochacco (hello kitty) candy pop + LJ + Jason the toy maker (creepypasta), anya and daisuke (mouthwashing)

𐔌  .  DNI  !  ౨ৎ

NSFW , PRO/DARK/COMSHIP , DARK CONTENT , ISRAEL SUPPORTERS , BASIC DNI CRIT ( homophobe/transphobe/racist/sexist/incest/weirdos in general ) , TERF/RADFEM , ANTI RECOVERY / PRO SH/ED BLOGS , ANYONE WHO SEXUALISES / AGES UP MINORS ! dont be weird or mean i will literally just block you <3 I also don’t argue with ppl anymore! If I don’t like you or you try and argue with me I will literally just block u I don’t have the time!

FREE PALESTINE, FREE CONGO, FREE SUDAN, FREE HAITI

[honeycreammilkshake]

hi hi!

oooh I'm having a carrusel of feelings these days with the end of the manga, I joined just a month ago to jjk universe (thanks to my sister) ang got inmendiately attached to SukuIta (these two are precious).

After the last chap I can say I'm satisfied cause I'm big supporter of meta cooking for fans and fanfic to full all the holes in the cannon plot. Maybe showing some stories from the terrible Heian era but I guess the autor has plans to make some prequel...

About the mess of the fandom in general:

I guess big part of the problem with some ppl is that they actually get too attached to a secondary character, no matter how op is the character it still secondary (and probably dye terriblely in cannon).

They need to move on, I feel like these fans are the new wave of Itachi/Jiraiya guys.

Btw, I think that the way some socmed are full of reactions and new ppl in fandoms don't help to mantain certain old etiquette and sane distance from the author so I understand a bit why the things looks so messy with the fandom in the last months.

The good thing is that the big majorie will leave after the ending and the decrescend of the hype gonna bring a better space for the artist and the fans who likes meta analysis.

(sorry for the typos eng isn't my first language)

hi, anon. don't worry about the typos at all, i totally understand you and english is overrated.

so glad you joined the cult of sukuita so quickly. sadly though, it doesn't seem very active anymore on here compared to other ships in jjk, and i'm deeply wishing we get a lot more content on this site sometime soon (maybe the new anime seasons will bring more people to our cause?). i'm starting to get a bit embarrassed that i keep making sukuita posts like 3 times every day and i worry i'm yapping away too much on here, but as they say... if you're not finding what you want to find, make it yourself.

to reply to your observations on the fandom, i have to agree. so many new antis, toxic fans, and people intolerant of others' opinions have completely taken it over. it used to be fun to watch people argue about how much they like the characters or tease each other about their ships back when fandoms were much more accepting, but now it's just way too many moral debates with unstable ground to stand on. and yeah... the overwhelming amount of hate sukuna fans and sukuita shippers sometimes get is depressing.

i'm hoping that if you continue to like jjk and sukuita, you'll stay around until times get better here. it's lovely to hear from all the people who like these two cursed freaks, and i'm glad you shared your thoughts with me. hope you've been doing well <3