#it is not good and I'll probably finish it digitally

[peony-pearl]

A Ty Lee for @doodlesanime !!

[marigraphia]

I've had this pose ref saved for a while and the Superman set photos just gave off the same energy 👉🏻👈🏻

The reference is this photo of Katharine Hepburn as Antiope and Colin Keith-Johnston as Theseus in the 1932 play 'The Warrior's Husband' (and I'd love for people to turn into a draw your otp meme pls pls pls this pose is so good)

And also, of course, the Superman (2025) set photos

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Let her grieve

[meerphanim]

The Artist, Alina Gray

[ Reblogs >> Likes !! ]

Psst! Click/Tap the "Read More" for close ups!

Fun fact : The paintbrushes in the background are my irl paintbrushes! I thought adding them in this would be cool~

Oh and the palette in this isn't mine HXFJGJFJBIVJV

[nessa-rpgs]

Light of Dawn

Godric Obeyron (he/him), my human paladin (WoW) during the war in Northrend.

[isthatafuckinggayangel]

I just finished a digital painting and I’m sitting here staring at it like,,,

Who drew that???

No way it was me.

That’s impossible.

Cause like. Look.

I drew that?

I know I did, I just finished working on it. I remember every step of the process.

I've got the file with all the layers still open on my computer cause I just do not wanna close it yet.

I didn't think I'd ever be able to do something like that, and I just,,, did it???

Actually crazy

[pirateprincessblog]

doll

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩, 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐦 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐞, 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬. 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡����𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥. 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐞.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jeong yunho x f!reader insert 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: jeong yunho has a secret. it is locked away in his apartment, away from the dorm, away from his close friends, and away from his idol lifestyle. it waits for him every night, and sends him off every morning. and he just can't wait to end his day and get his hands on his pretty little doll.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 17k 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: stockholm syndrome, captive!reader, kidnapper!yunho, manipulator!yunho, angst, fluff, smut, slowburn, degradation, manipulation, toxic relationship, touch deprivation, violence, light jumpscare(once), bondage, victim blaming, anger management issues, threats, blackmailing, petting, dry humping, dacryphilia, dumbification, praise, wax play, pet names, rough sex, unprotected sex, creampie 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: the reader isn't necessarily small or petite, yunho is simply that big and strong that compared to him she is written the way she is. :) not completely proofread!

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲.

yunho detests being away for a long time. more than that, he loathes having to keep making up excuses and lying to his close friends just to go to his own apartment. the time digits on his phone screen do not change fast enough, and soon the man finds himself gnawing the inside of his cheek and thinking whether or not to tap on his most used texting app. he sits in his makeup chair, giving the makeup artist a hard time as his fingers itch to type a message to a certain someone.

"yunho, please stay still. i'll be done faster if you let me work." the woman begs. he sighs, and finally puts the phone in his pocket. at least tries to, before a notification stops him.

doll: yunnie doll: i miss you yunnie :( doll: [file attached]

yunho lowers the brightness of his phone screen, then the volume just in case. his fingers then eagerly tap on the file, and his eyes are met with a sight he will never get tired of seeing: a picture of your face, eyes glossy with tears, cheeks flushed, and lips a pretty pink shade, just how he likes it.

doll: be home soon, pretty please?

yunho: what did i say about being needy and impatient? i'll be there when i get there. behave.

doll: i will. i'm sorry.

he knows that he has worsened the situation. that your bottom lip is probably quivering right now, and fresh tears are threatening to spill down your rosy cheeks. and he doesn't hate it. he only hates that he isn't there to see it. satisfied with your lack of replies, he finally sets his phone aside and allows the artist to finish her job.

when yunho arrives at the apartment, he makes sure to turn the key slowly when unlocking the door. he doesn't turn any lights on, simply putting his jacket on the well memorised spot near the entrance and proceeding into the living room. the window is open, but yunho does not worry. you know better than that.

the place is spotless, which means that you really wished to catch him in a good mood today. and he likes when you work hard for him, cleaning his apartment, cooking for him, ironing his clothes. when he is happy, you are happy. and when you are happy, yunho has hit the jackpot.

in the corner of his eye, he notices a sketch pad and a few pencils neatly set on the corner of the window where you loved to sit. the absence of light meant only one thing; you were fast asleep. you probably tired yourself from crying, then tucked yourself in like usual.

the man's polished shoes lightly click against the spotless parquet floor, legs carrying him to the window where he has bought and installed a hanging chair for you. you loved to sink into the fluffy pillows under the blanket, big eyes looking outside where you know you are not allowed to go. but not once did you whine about it, instead thanking him for allowing you to look. he takes the sketch pad, slender fingers tracing the faint pencil lines on the white paper.

it is his face, from today's live they held before their comeback. when you texted him, you really did miss him. so much that you turned on the big tv which you never usually touch without him, turned on the youtube live and made multiple sketches of his face. you had even sneakily put a few hearts around his head, and a small one on his nose. at the bottom of each paper, your pretty handwriting; my yunnie.

he notices that the pencils are getting smaller from being used and sharpened much more lately. he will get you new ones as soon as possible, just so you don't stop and fall in a slump again. he loves when you do things that make you happy.

instead of going to the bedroom next, he proceeds into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of whisky and for you – a glass of peach iced tea with four ice cubes. you love it when he brings it for you. even though he has bought packages and packages of the product, and you can drink it whenever yourself, it always tastes the sweetest when he brings it to you.

and he does, quietly setting it on the nightstand and taking a sip of his alcoholic beverage. he sets the short glass right next to your tall one with cherry blossom prints, before finally sitting on the bed.

your figure is half covered by the fluffy blanket he has brought you as a present from one of his tours. you had used it every day and night since, going as far as being whiny while it washed and dried. yunho didn't understand your love and attachment to an item like that, until you confessed one night, halfway asleep and a blubbering mess.

"you bought it for me. it means that you saw it and thought of me before doing that. you remembered me, yunnie."

and since then, yunho always looked for presents to bring you. but he was always rushed, and ended up buying you a lousy souvenir or a chocolate from the duty free shops. he promised himself to get you something even if it meant being late for his schedule next time.

the moonlight peeks through the blinds, illuminating your still flushed cheeks and smeared mascara. your tied up hands are hidden under the pillow where your head rests. softly, yunho pulls them from under it, fingers carefully undoing the knots he made himself. the knots which he crafted himself are thoughtfully put together and pretty against your skin. he was generous enough to let you pick the colour of the ropes, and your answer was always the same: lavender.

once your hands are free, yunho brings your wrists to his lips, pressing a sweet kiss to each one before turning his attention to your resting face. his fingers itch to caress you, to touch you, but he doesn't wish to disturb your peace.

he doesn't have to, because his scent envelops you, and before he can react, your nose moves like a bunny's one and your eyes open. he can't help the smile that spreads on his lips when he sees your excited expression, just before you throw yourself on him and try to wrap your arms around his shoulders and back. but he is big, much bigger than you, so you decide that wrapping them around his neck is good enough.

"you came." you exhale into his ear.

"don't i always?" yunho has to peel you away from him, and you whine as a protest. but the way his lips lose the playful curve and his eyes become serious make you bite your tongue as a punishment. regret washes over your features, and yunho is quick to grab your chin with his hand, pressing his thumb on your bottom lip. "be good." he warns.

"yes, sir."

and it's all it takes for yunho to soften again, taking you in his arms and standing up. "take the juice for me."

with one hand you hold onto his neck, making it easier for him to carry you, and with the other grab the glass of iced tea from the nightstand. as if it's hard for him to carry you; he is so strong you must be light as a feather to him. without questioning him, you relax in his hands, until you feel him sit and set you on his lap. a blanket is placed over your bare legs, enough to keep you warm as you sit in the hanging chair next to the window. the man takes the juice from your hand, setting it on the window next to the sketch pad. he doesn't ask about it yet, not wanting to pry unless you tell him yourself. he is happy you've returned to your little hobby.

"are you cold?" he asks, cupping your cheeks and then hands to check the warmth. when you shake your head, he presses a kiss to your forehead, lips a plush cloud against your skin. "my pretty girl."

you only smile as a response, still recovering from your sleep.

"you've been busy today." he notices the rearranged watch collection on the shelf below the television. the plants are refreshed, the once sagged leaves now proudly sticking up. "tell me about your day, bunny."

it wasn't unusual for yunho to sit you in his lap and ask about your day. in fact, it was your favourite part of the day. the way he listens and looks at you with his pretty eyes, nodding along to your never-ending sentences, and those unfinished ones that get interrupted with a fresh thought that you will forget if you don't say it immediately, scolding you and playfully pinching your thigh when you stop yourself mid talking and apologize for being annoying. yet lately, yunho doesn't come as often. what was once an every day routine was now a once a week occurrence. even then, he'd come and check on you, laid with you until you fell asleep, then sneaked off and disappeared into the night.

you hated it. you felt stupid, and lied to. he'd convince you that he left just before you woke up, that he stayed the whole night. but he didn't know that you felt his absence the moment he stood up from the bed. there wasn't much you could do anyway. as if he would listen. yunho is as stubborn as he is handsome. insanely.

"i vacuumed, mopped, cleaned out the fridge and threw out the expired products, put on fresh bedsheets, swept the balcony, watered the plants, rearranged your watch and game collection." you listed, head resting in the crook of his neck and eyes fixed on the ceiling. then, you stopped. and so did yunho's soothing circles on your thigh as he held your body close to his. you swallow, thinking of ways to continue before he can sense the shift in your behaviour. "i turned the tv on, watched you. you were very handsome today, yunho."

yunho hums, and for a moment, you relax and almost sigh with relief. the hand that doesn't hold you cups your cheek, pulling your head away from the crook of his neck and resting it on his shoulder so he can look at you. "who was at the door?"

your blood runs cold in your veins. yunho knows you like the back of his hand, and the flaw is in you for not knowing it well by now. you swallow slowly, eyes still locked with his dark ones, not daring to look away. "a man." you know better than to lie.

"what did he look like?" he presses, tone still calm. and it sends shivers down your spine. it is like the calm before the storm.

"i didn't see. i promised i'd never look."

"then how do you know it was a man?" the dark haired man tilts his head, raising his eyebrow.

before answering, your remind yourself that you are telling the truth, and that you should be calm. "he yelled your name."

"and what did my little doll do?" his hand drops from your cheek to your neck, slender fingers lightly grazing the skin just under your jaw before they completely wrap around the neck. the touch is gentle and soothing.

"i ran to the bedroom and hid under the covers. i was quiet, i promise." you are quick to offer him your pinky as a proof. but he simply shakes his head, then presses his lips to your temple.

"good girl."

the grip on your neck goes from light and loose to tight, growing stronger with yunho pressing the sides of it and making you look at him with confusion. "what-?"

your eyes widen as his grip intensifies, ridding you of oxygen slowly and already making you gasp for air. "if..." he starts, face close to yours. so close that his warm breath washes over your paling face, and lips barely brush against yours. "...you ever open the door, or even look through the window while somebody is there... you hear me?" his voice is a mere whisper against your mouth. you nod frantically, hoping that he releases you if you showed obedience. "yeah? i'll kill you."

"ye-es..." you choke out, tears spilling down your cheeks. small hands wrapping around his big one in hopes of stopping him, but to no avail.

"i didn't catch that." he presses further. "do you understand? if you ever think of getting out of here, or even manage to escape somehow, i will hunt you down and kill you."

you stop fighting back, instead opting for nods and silent tears. "i understand."

"if i can't have you..." he takes a look at your squirming and crying state one more time, then finally releases you. "...no one can."

a sob leaves your lips, and your hands are quick to reach your mouth, hoping that he didn't hear or at least sees your remorse.

but yunho doesn't say anything. instead, he pulls you close to him, his clothed body warming up your half naked one. "it's okay." he coos. "it's over."

"was i good?" you dare ask. you need to know that you didn't ruin what you built with him. that he didn't lose his trust in you. that he won't leave you alone for a month again in this place.

"you were perfect."

and that's all you need to hear to be calm. the peach juice waters down on the window as yunho lightly swings the hanging chair, lulling you to sleep with his voice and kisses to your cheeks and forehead.

the next time you open your eyes, you are angry and throw a tantrum. the sheets are on the floor, as well as pillows, and if yunho found you acting this way, he wouldn't be very pleased. but you are getting tired of him putting you to sleep and sneaking off. the mornings where you woke up next to him are long gone. your heart aches for those days.

there is only so much mess you can make with your wrists tied, so you give up on letting your frustration out on the faultless objects. with the fluffy blanket wrapped around your shoulders, you make your way to the living room and slump against the cushions on the couch. only after sitting up straight do you notice a small paper bag and a fresh glass of peach iced tea. the pink cursive writing on the bag makes your eyes almost sparkle from joy. it's been a while since yunho has brought you something from the bakery you absolutely adored.

you don't bother with keeping the bag, instead ripping it in half and using it as a plate for the sweet treat. two eclairs: a pink one and a green one. raspberry and pistachio, just how you used to eat in the mornings with him. he'd get the pistachio for himself, and raspberry for you. and you always wanted a bite of his, and then regretted your raspberry one because his tasted better. and he was always happy to exchange it with you.

not once did he complain about you always ordering the same and regretting it. not once did he refuse to let you have a bite. not once did he say no when you wanted to switch with him. not once did he bring two pistachio eclairs. and you might've become spoiled because of things like that, and even though both of you knew it, none of you said anything about it, because you were both equally guilty. you for pushing him, and him for indulging.

but it worked. it always did. that's why you aren't sure why yunho has suddenly distanced yourself from him. you're trying to be good for him, take care of yourself for him, even go as far as leaving windows open as a sign that you could run away if you wanted to, but you won't. at least that's what you liked to think. deep down you knew that yunho would find you even if you dug yourself a grave and hid under a fake tombstone. he'd find you, and then... you don't want to think about it.

but you have no reason to run. he takes care of you. you are his little doll, and your only task is to be pretty and obedient. but lately, you only have to do that two or three times a month. the rest of the days you die of boredom, cleaning the place, rearranging the fridge, turning the furniture around so that the place looks different and fresh. you are running out of ideas.

now, as you flip through the channels on the television, you are working up the courage to tell him how bored you are. maybe ask for netflix or disney. you are tired of watching the same youtube content over and over again. you can feel your brain rotting as you try to keep up with the recent famous youtubers. a movie would've been more educational at least.

as you eat the pink eclair, you scroll on the phone yunho has gifted you recently, with a promise of you not texting or calling anyone else but him. he can track your activity, and has limited your access to certain sites and apps, which leaves you with a few games that don't require network and a music app. it helped with your boredom, but nothing will ever be as interesting as having him around.

your fingers work faster than your brain, and you end up entering the one and only conversation on the screen.

doll: you left :(

it was always schrödinger's cat with him. he will either get mad at you - like yesterday - or indulge in your whiny and pouty behaviour as he secretly enjoys it. the one way to find out is by opening the box - text him.

yunho: my schedule is packed, sweetheart. you know that.

doll: when will i be a part of your schedule?

yunho: don't push it

doll: but i miss you so much

doll: can i please please please call you? pretty please? just for a minute?

on the other side of the screen, at the other end of the city, yunho sighs. it seems you've become more impatient and needy lately, and he knows he is at fault. you wait for him all dolled up, only to fall asleep because he always arrives so late. then, you talk for a while, and he lulls you to sleep before he has to run back to his dorm.

he taps on the phone icon in the corner of the screen after checking whether anyone is paying attention to him in the dressing room. he is the last in line to get dressed, which gives him more than a minute that you asked for so nicely. he can't say no to you. not when he misses you too. but he'd never say it to you out loud.

you pick up after the first ring, and yunho can almost hear the wide smile as you greet him. "yunnie!"

"hi, sweetheart." his heart swells at your still raspy voice. you must've just woken up. "did you have breakfast yet?"

"i only ate the raspberry one."

"oh you naughty little-" yunho purses his lips. "so the pistachio is only good if it's taken away from me, huh?"

"maybe. i took a bite. it's really not as sweet as when i steal it from you." you playfully reply. "but, yunnie..."

"hmm?"

"i actually wanted to ask you something."

"ask away doll. what can i do for you?"

"next time you come over..." you hesitate before continuing. "would you bring me a book or something? pretty please? i get bored when you're not around."

"oh." yunho says, surprised at the odd request. he didn't know what he was expecting. perhaps that you'd ask him if he'd untie you. or something that he surely wouldn't allow. but he forgot how perfect and loyal you are to him, and how much he has lowered your standards. "of course. anything specific?"

"not really. you pick!" you are so happy that you'll get a book that you don't even care which one it is. "no scary ones, please."

the dark haired man chuckles into the phone. in the corner of his eye, he notices the group leader eyeing him as he gets dressed. yunho's smile drops, and he is forced to end the conversation. "i'll see you soon. don't go late to bed tonight. you need your beauty sleep."

"oh. leaving already?" he hears you pout. he'd give anything to playfully tug your bottom lip right now. "alrighty then. i'll go back to missing you until you come again. which is, what, in a week?"

"be good for me." he orders sternly. "no sassing me. and no tantrums."

"no tantrums."

"and no sassing."

"and no sassing, blah blah."

"dollie. i'm serious." he turns around so that his back faces hongjoong. the older man has taken a great interest in yunho's conversation. "be a good bunny for me."

"yes, yunho."

"good."

just before he lowers his phone to hang up, he hears your faint voice. a mere whisper, which he wasn't supposed to hear. but he did. "i love you, yunnie."

and it fucking shatters him and ruins him inside out.

"dumb little doll." he sighs, looking at the wallpaper of the chat of you dressed in his favourite outfit with two pretty ribbons attached to your hair.

jeong yunho didn't expect his schedule to end so early. tomorrow is monday - his day off. technically, his time off starts now, as he steps into the library at the great city mall. and he makes the most of it. a basket securely hangs from his hand, already halfway filled with books with eye-catching covers and interesting plot summaries on the back. you'll love these, no doubt. and even if you don't, yunho won't hesitate to come back and buy more.

he forgot how dull it is for you to stay in that apartment all day and all night. the least he can do is help you find another hobby while he is not there with you. though, he is working on being less absent. but no matter how much he tries, his work schedule seems to track his brain, because they love swamping him with new interviews and variety shows every time he even thinks of having time off. this time he will be careful not to complain much around the staff about his free time.

at the same time as him, someone reaches for the last book he had his eyes on. it was this month's bestseller, all over tiktok, and he needed to buy it. but so did the person next to him, because they held onto it and weren't planning on letting go any time soon. yunho sighs. he truly isn't in the mood for this right now.

just as he gets ready to scold the person, he notices that it is a woman. a young one. a pretty one. so instead of angry words he was ready to spew, yunho simply smiles. "hi."

"hello," she greets back. "my, you've got good taste."

both of them glance at the basket in his hand. the basket that is meant for you. yunho's smile quickly fades, replaced by a serious face and confusing the woman in the process. "it's for my girlfriend."

"oh." disappointment is evident in her voice. she lets go of the book, then opts to look at the shelves instead of the man so she can hide her frown. "well, she'll be very happy with that book."

"she will." yunho smiles to himself, imagining your excited face as you go through the books.

"you must love her very much. that is a lot of money in that basket-"

"that is none of your concern." his brows are furrowed when he looks at the blonde woman. what is it with love talk today?

"oh. you don't love your girlfriend?" she is confused once again.

her confusion is then replaced by fear, caused by yunho who grabs her by the neck and slams her against the shelves. "take your little book and mind your own fucking business. got it?"

he shoves the book into her hands. the woman nods frantically, eyes glossy with tears and hands shaking as they hold the book. finally, yunho lets go of her. the book is dropped on the ground, and she bolts for the door. only then does yunho realize what he has done. but there is nothing he can do about it. thankfully, he wears his mask. he gets to keep his job another day.

yunho spends more time at the mall than he intended. three hours later, he is finally putting the key in the lock and entering his apartment. you jump at the familiar sound, and he hears your footsteps all the way from the bedroom. he sets the bags on the floor just in time to catch you into a hug.

"hi, doll." he coos. you only hum in response, burying your head into the crook of his neck and inhaling the faint traces of his perfume. he smells of vanilla and musk, with a hint of sweat. and you love every bit of it. nuzzling your nose against the sensitive area on the neck right under his ear, you can't help but sigh with content. yunho chuckles, before lightly squeezing your sides as a sign to let go of him.

you do so, without whines or tantrums this time. he wasn't supposed to come for another week, and he has graced you with the sudden visit. and you will make sure he doesn't regret it.

"i want you to go to the bathroom and freshen up while i prepare something." he orders with a kiss to your forehead.

"yes, yunnie." you obey, already on your way to the bathroom.

it doesn't take you more than ten minutes to take a quick body shower, put on a new comfy sleep dress, and put your hair in a hair clip how he likes it. you almost skip through the hallway, the cold autumn air chasing your bare legs until you reach the bedroom where yunho hides. but when you open the door, he isn't there. only a few paper bags on the bed, and a box with a bow on top and small holes poked on the sides.

not sure if you can touch without him, you opt for sitting on the bed and waiting patiently for him. while he is gone, you glance at your chipped nail polish. you should've asked him for polish remover instead. you accidentally spilled it when you foolishly tried to multitask by watching television and painting your nails. does yunho notice things like that? will he say anything about it? what if you just paint over it? will it look bad?

your thinking is interrupted by the tall man entering the bedroom, with two glasses in his hands. one with whisky, and one in similar colour to it. you know it's your iced tea; its sweet scent envelops the room as soon as he sets it on the nightstand.

"my patient doll." he praises with a kiss to your head. his fingers find their spot under your chin, raising your head so that you look up at him. his other hand reaches for your hair that you have neatly pulled back into the hair clip. with a single motion, his finger hooks into a few strands of it, setting them free from the clip and letting them frame your face. "so pretty."

if you could physically melt on the bed right there and then, you would. the way yunho looks at you makes your brain mushy, and your legs weak. after all this time, he still has that effect on you.

"i got you something." he motions for you to stand up, then sits down and pulls you into his lap. your back rests against his chest as his does against the bed frame. you sit cross-legged, making space for the bags so you can reach them easier. he takes the box first, pulling it between his legs that hold you securely and in front of you. "go on, open it."

all the hesitation is gone as soon as he gives the green light. the bow is shoved aside, and so is the lid. a gasp leaves your mouth at the sight.

two light brown ears perk up at the newfound light, and soon enough, a snout peeks out of the box. it sniffs, and sniffs, until it gets the courage to climb out of the box and flips it over, trapping itself under it. yunho removes the box and throws it on the floor, causing both the animal and you to jolt lightly. then, he takes the almost hand sized rabbit in his hand, holding it for you to take.

"it's a rabbit."

"yes, love. it's a rabbit." he confirms.

"it's so cute."

"i know." he kisses your cheek. "a bunny for a bunny. now you'll have a little companion when i'm away."

you carefully take it in your hands, testing the waters. it is pure fluff in your hands, as soft as yunho's hair after a shower. a little ball of fur with two big eyes and big floppy ears. and it is all yours.

"what will you name her?"

"dawn." you have your answer ready.

yunho laughs fondly. "dawn?"

"it's my favourite part of the day." yunho then remembers you telling him how much you prefer sunrises over sunsets. sunsets make you sad. they mark the end of the day. and you hate when things end. dawn brings a fresh day, and the sun is as pretty when it rises as it is when it sets. "thank you, yunho. i love it."

"don't thank me, love. you deserve more than that for being so obedient for me. now go through the rest of the presents. i'll keep your bunny safe while you do it."

"uh..." you look at your tied wrists.

he manages to untie the knot with a single hand, keeping the rope in it and playing with it while you start digging through the bags. with each book you pull out you let out a squeal of excitement. if it weren't for yunho, you would've stayed up all night reading.

but he had other plans once you finished exploring, taking your hand in his and pulling you back into his lap. the bunny is fast asleep on the pillow next to him, making you his main point of attention. the last book is still in your hands, fingers flipping through illustrated pages of the limited edition and eyes gawking at it. the smell of whisky fills your nostrils, and you look up and find him taking a sip.

"what does it taste like?" you wonder.

yunho doesn't answer. instead, he brings the glass to your mouth, pressing the edge against your lips. "small sip. a tiny one."

you listen, keeping your lips closed so that only a small amount of liquid can pass through. something about this is so intimate: him holding you in his lap as you wear your sleep dress, a book in your hands, making you drink from his glass, not breaking eye contact as you do so.

and yunho's view is to die for. you look at him with those pretty eyes of yours, completely under his control and trusting him. your lips finally touch the whisky, and tongue barely peeks to taste it. you pull away, shutting your eyes and pursing your lips in disgust. "eugh."

yunho laughs, then downs the glass before putting it on the nightstand. "let's stick to your peach iced tea, hm?"

you nod in response. then, yunho finds the second light switch above the bed frame, turning it off. the moon is almost full, resting its silver rays on the bed and lighting up yunho's face. you'll never get over how insanely handsome he is. he is almost unreal. sometimes you even ask yourself whether he is a fruit of your imagination from staying alone for so long. no man you've met was this majestic: with hair as black as a raven, eyes dark and shiny as a starry night, porcelain skin, pretty nose with a little bridge where he rests his glasses, and oh, the prettiest pink lips. many times you've found yourself gazing upon his lips as he spoke or ate. and many times you wanted to close the distance as he held you on his lap while he read something or simply scrolled on his phone.

but you can't. yunho doesn't like being touched. at least that's what you gathered from the way he jumps when you try to remove a fallen eyelash from his cheek or straighten a sticking strand of hair. yunho gets very jumpy if you even hug him without warning. and you like to think that he is like that with everyone. that you aren't the issue.

but no matter how he behaves towards you, whether he is distant or can't keep his hands off you, he is still royally beautiful.

"thank you, love. you're not bad yourself."

blush creeps up your cheeks. you didn't mean to say it out loud. but yunho doesn't mind, and instead pulls a cover over both of you and sets the book aside. your legs are cold against his warm ones, still clothed. "won't you change?"

"i'm too lazy." he admits.

"can i change you?" you offer, sitting up and leaning on your elbows.

yunho smiles, eyes still closed. "i'd like to see you try."

in no time, you find his dark blue silk pajamas. that's the easy part. the hard part is yet to come. yunho is strong, and heavy. and big. blush warms up your cheeks once again as your hands find the hem of his turtleneck. he looks dashing in the tight turtlenecks and slacks. but right now, you'd rather see him comfortable. he deserves it after all the hard work.

he only helps you by raising his hands and head in the air just enough for you to pull the top off. you drink in the sight of his muscles, while his torso is covered by an undershirt. you pull the pajama top over his head, then his arms, and finally fix the collar. your eyes then fall on his belt. swallowing thickly, your fingers unbuckle it, and it causes yunho to grab your hands and stop you.

"i'll do it."

"what? why?" you're disappointed.

"i'll do it faster. i'm getting pretty sleepy, we should go to bed."

no amount of pouting convinces him to let you continue. he is out of his slacks and into the pajama bottoms in no time, giving you no time to sulk on the bed. he scoops you in his arms, throwing the fuzzy blanket over both of you.

"good night, bunny."

"whatever." you mumble into his chest.

the hand that rests on your lower back sinks to your bottom, pinching it lightly. you squeal, jolting away from his hand and further into his body. "behave."

"sorry." your voice is a mumble again. "yunnie?"

"go to sleep."

"but yunho." you whine, fingers playing with the buttons of his top.

he sighs. "yes?"

"what am i to you?"

that yunho cannot answer. simply because he has worked so hard on the relationship you two have. if he tells you, he might ruin the illusion. and you might remember. you might remember that it is not normal to be tied up and locked in a stranger's apartment. after all, you don't know the true him. that makes him a stranger to you. he has ridden you of any desire you had to escape, and instead made you depended on him. he has destroyed you, scared you so bad to the point that you started seeing a friend in him. he doesn't know whether you woke up one day and accepted your fate and decided to play along with his sick and twisted games of emotions and obsession, or simply had a switch in your brain click and made you the way you are right now. a loyal and obedient little pet for him to gawk at, dress up however he wishes, and keep locked away where nobody can find it.

he knows it's not normal. he knows his sins. and he knows that behind the loving eyes you give him that there is hate pushed down so deep, scared to make an appearance. he has pushed it there with his own actions. he also knows that just because he recognizes his flaws doesn't make him less guilty. moreover, it makes him even more evil. he knows, yet he doesn't stop.

he wishes he can, really. he wishes he can untie you, let you go, live a normal life, find a girlfriend, stop sneaking out of his dorm at late hours and return at early ones. hell, he could've asked you out on a date instead of putting his hand over your pretty mouth behind the concert stadium and drag you into his car. but then everybody would see you. somebody might even want to take you away from him. and yunho can't allow that. you are his to see, his to touch and his to keep.

you belong to him, heart and soul.

"does it matter?" his voice comes out as annoyed, but it doesn't affect you.

"a little." you admit. "you don't kiss me, but you give me affection other ways. what does that make us?"

it makes you my prisoner, and me your captor. you just don't know it yet. or maybe you've grown blind to it. maybe i've broken your perception of how things actually are. maybe i've convinced you that this all is normal.

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have asked." you notice how tense he is under your touch. "good night."

but yunho doesn't want to leave you without an answer. he kisses your temple, then your cheek, and finally, your ear. his lips stay there, brushing against the sensitive ear shell as his warm breath tickles you. "you're mine. that's all that matters."

"are you mine?" you ask.

yunho sighs, pulling you closer to him and completely wrapping his arms around your shivering body. "good night, doll."

you wake up in a cold and empty bed again. excluding the curled up rabbit next to you.

and you are furious.

blinded by rage, you reach for your phone, not even noticing that your hands are still untied. usually he'd tie them up while you are halfway asleep or completely asleep as to not disturb you. before you can press the call button next to his name, the bathroom door opens, revealing the man you were about to scold. he has discarded his sleep top, leaving him only in bottoms and a sleeveless undershirt.

"thought i heard you wake up." he smiles. "come, let's get you ready for the day. i let you sleep in enough."

the phone is forgotten in the blanket, and your legs carry you into the bathroom. he has a toothbrush in his mouth, and his hair is a fluffy mess. you love when he looks this soft. he is less intimidating. not that you are scared of your yunho. he wouldn't hurt you. only if you give him a reason to.

noticing your bare feet on the cold tiles, the man picks you up and places you on the counter near the sink. he hands you your own toothbrush after he squirts the paste on it. comfortable silence swallows the small bathroom, the only sounds being the teeth brushing and yunho's light humming to a song as he stands between your legs that hang from the counter, swinging along with yunho's song. his hand rests comfortably on your thigh, thumb rubbing soothing circles on the exposed skin below the dress.

you've noticed he loves your thighs. to touch them, to pinch them and caress them. and you don't mind. in fact, you love that he can't get his hands off you. it makes you feel attractive. you hope you are attractive to him. sometimes it doesn't feel like that. you look at him with loving eyes, and he... he looks at you like you're his most prized possession. you're just an eye candy. a doll he comes to play with and dress her up just to feast his eyes. perhaps the fault is in you. you don't attract him enough. it could be your appearance. you should switch from the comfy silk sleepwear he has gifted you in every colour so you can be comfortable around the house into something more appropriate and mature. or maybe it was your behaviour. you are so depended on him that you often end up feeling extremely childish.

yet he insists that he loves doing everything for you. he loves to see you in the pastels. he loves when you ask him for help. and he loves making you ask for help by closing the jars too tight, or putting the glasses on the top shelves where you can't reach even if you climb on a chair.

"hey." his finger playfully taps your nose, noticing you have stopped brushing. "where did you go?"

you shake your head, ridding your brain of the thoughts for a while. "sorry. were you saying something?"

"i said," he takes the toothbrush from your hand and continues brushing your teeth for you, holding your jaw in his palm and head in place, then continues talking, "we have a busy day ahead of us."

"sho... you're shtaying all day?" you mumble with foam in your mouth.

"i'm all yours today." he finishes brushing, then motions for you to spit in the sink. you do so, earning yourself a playful pat on the head. "good girl."

"you have a little stubble." you notice, fingers reaching to touch the short hairs on his face. it is not often that yunho lets you touch him like that, so when your hand cups his cheek, you are surprised when he simply looks at himself in the mirror with furrowed eyebrows. he doesn't remove your hand, and you savour every second of it.

"suppose i do. i should shave it off." the man runs both toothbrushes under the warm water, then sets them in the cup next to each other. his dark blue one with black bristles is a funny contrast to your lavender one with white bristles. it's like they resemble the two of you. maybe that's why he bought them. "want to help me?"

"help you?" you raise your eyebrow. he doesn't answer. instead, he hands you his razor, showing you how to properly hold it. while he smears the shaving foam on his face, you can't help but take secret glances at his exposed arms. he notices, then looks down at his undershirt.

"right, i should probably take this off." with one single motion, the fabric lands on the floor and he steps on it. you are left gawking at his bare torso. he doesn't usually undress in front of you. this is the first time you see his defined body. he looks absolutely dashing, and the sight makes your stomach feel fuzzy. you instinctively try to close your legs, but forget that he is standing right between them. "come closer."

you are now sitting on the edge of the counter, and if it weren't for yunho's hands holding your thighs and keeping your body steady, you would've kissed the cold tiles below his feet. he guides one of your hands to his face, then lets you figure it out on your own. you hesitate. "what if i cut you?"

"well... try not to, i guess." he shrugs. "i want to be pretty for you too. just as you do for me."

as gentle as possible, you swipe the razor over his cheek. it leaves a smooth trail behind, without any red lines or spots. little by little, your smooth faced yunho appears, and so does a smile on your lips. with one final swipe, you finish, not cutting him once in the process. "all done!"

"good job, bunny." he praises with a kiss to your forehead. "come on now, let's get you dressed. as i said, we have a busy day ahead of us."

when yunho said busy, you thought he meant cleaning the house or helping him with something. not standing in line at an amusement park with your hands untied. you haven't been outside in forever, if you exclude the balcony. today, yunho has decided to surprise you with a trip to an amusement park. he looks comfortable and fresh, wearing a simple black t-shirt with black ripped jeans, a leather jacket and sneakers. beside him, you are dressed up in his hoodie and his sweatpants, and his denim jacket. somehow, your clothes have been disappearing little by little, leaving you with only sleepwear. does it have anything to do with the fact that he likes to see you in the pastel sets he keeps bringing over instead of actual clothes? no, of course not.

yunho did make you promise him a few things before exiting the house:

no distancing yourself from him

no talking to other people

no looking at other people

no going anywhere without asking him first

no yelling each other's names

keep the sunglasses on your face

have your phone in your hand at all times in case anything happens and one of you needs to get a hold of each other.

and you happily agree. you wouldn't do the opposite even if he didn't make you promise all those things. yunho is all you have, and without him, you'd be overwhelmed and lose yourself. the place is enormous, everything shining bright into your eyes and looking the same. no wonder people get lost there all the time. or perhaps you're just used to the dark apartment that seems to be getting smaller and smaller each day you wake up.

"what would you like to do?" he asks once he shows the tickets at the entrance and guides you inside.

"me?" you are confused. "i- i don't know."

"we have two hours to have fun. we'll do whatever your heart desires."

"really?"

the eyes you give him as you look at him all excited is the reason yunho has you all to himself. those same eyes that have looked at him from the first row at the concert, and he could not look away. you smiled so bright at him when he gave you attention, and when he saw you outside of the stadium, he knew he had very little time. and he knew he had to take you for himself. you were so sweet, and so pretty. simple things excite you, and the sight of you almost beaming is what warms yunho's heart. then, he starts to think that he might've made a mistake by bringing you here. someone could see you, and take you away from him.

no. he will not allow it. he'd rather kill you than let anyone else have you. and that's a promise he made to himself the first night he tied the pretty knots on your wrists.

"yunnie...?" your voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

"hm?" he brings his attention back to you. your eyes have lost the excited glint, and are now filled with worry. his sudden serious face must've scared you. "right. what did you want to do?"

"can i try that?" you point towards a stand.

yunho isn't surprised when he turns around to see big stuffed animals hanging from the stand, and multiple small ones arranged on the shelves against the wall behind the vendor. "do you want to play by yourself?"

"can i?"

"you may."

you roll your eyes at his correction. but before he can scold you for it, you squeeze his hand and drag him to the stand. the game seems simple enough: three balls to throw, and three pyramids of different objects to topple. yunho pays the vendor, then stands aside and lets you focus.

"go pink koala." you whisper, keeping the balls close to your chest. you don't miss yunho's chuckle from the side. "hush! i'm concentrating."

but no amount of concentrating got you the big stuffed koala. even yunho was getting irritated as time passed by. not with you, but with the vendor. "are you kidding me?"

you stop mid throw, eyes darting to the tall man in fear. you haven't done anything wrong. ...have you?

"you're telling me that those plastic cups didn't budge?" he approaches the counter.

the vendor shrugs. "are they down?"

"well, no-" yunho starts.

"oh so you aren't blind. just stupid."

oh no.

you can almost hear yunho's blood boil beside you. your hands instinctively wrap around his arm, hugging it to your body. "yunnie."

"step back." he orders.

and you do, letting go of him. to anyone looking, that would've seem mean and horrible. but you know why he told you to stay away. he doesn't want to hurt you.

"you're telling me," yunho takes a ball from your hand, "that this ball," he aims for the vendor, "didn't even budge those plastic cups?" and hits him right in the forehead.

when yunho is loud, you aren't as scared. it is when he is calm that you are terrified. and right now? he is as calm as the stuffed animals sitting on the shelves behind the man who holds his forehead. yunho crouches to the floor, enough to pick up a ball sized stone. he aims for the first pyramid of plastic cups, and throws with such strength that it manages to bring them down. he takes a second one and does the same with the glass bottles, breaking them and sending shards flying everywhere. the third rock hits the clay mug at the bottom of the pyramid, causing it to ruin the balance of the rest of them and fall to the ground with a crashing sound.

"okay, okay!" the short vendor is desperate. "take the fucking prize and leave my stand!"

"with pleasure." yunho smiles with satisfaction. you don't have time to look at him in awe because he picks you up on his back and approaches the hanging stuffed animals. "go on, angel. help yourself."

your hands know where to go, immediately grabbing the pink koala that is half your size. when yunho doesn't set you down, you look at with a raised eyebrow.

"that's all you want?"

"i can take more...?" your eyes dart between the terrified vendor and an amused yunho.

"we can take the vendor if you want."

you're not sure what is funnier:, yunho's laid back attitude or the vendor's face. in one thing you are sure: you are taking that big grey elephant.

if someone had told you yesterday that today you'd freely walk around outside with yunho by your side, both carrying a big stuffed animal that made every child passing by jealous, you'd say ha, i wish. if someone had told you that today you'd hold hands with yunho as you pass by various stands and he offers to buy you anything from it, you'd say ha, you're crazy. and if someone told you that after a rollercoaster and a haunted house yunho would take you to the ferris wheel and demand that the cabin isn't to be shared with anyone, you'd say ha, your imagination is wild.

yet here you are, sitting inside the cabin high on the ferris wheel, stuffed animals sat across from you and leaning against each other. yunho sits by your side, a cup of chocolate chip ice cream that you have picked just before getting in line in his hand. there was a no food allowed sign, but yunho would rather fight the teen boy in charge of checking tickets than see your disappointed face again when you read the sign. luckily, a single glare from yunho was enough to stop the boy mid sentence as he read it out loud.

"i can feed myself you know." you pout as he brings the plastic purple spoon to your mouth. he specifically asked for that colour.

"i know." he simply replies.

"then... may i?" you reach for the paper cup, but he pulls it away. "please?"

"why?" he brings the spoon to his mouth once it starts melting off it as to not stain your - his - clothes. you blush furiously, the thought of eating off the same spoon as him making your stomach fuzzy. "i like to pamper you. besides, dolls need maintaining."

"they also need to be played with more often." you cross your arms over your chest.

he doesn't respond, instead offering you another spoonful of ice cream. you are distracted by his piercing gaze, unable to look away. it leads to you almost missing the spoon, making most of the ice cream land on your lips rather than between them. and it's like something switches inside of him. his gaze drops from your eyes to your lips, and his hands set the cup down.

"do you have a napkin? i'm a mess-" you start licking your lips. before you can wipe the rest with the sleeve of the hoodie, yunho stops you by grabbing your wrists with one hand and looking deeply into your eyes, just before pushing you down on the seats with his other one on your chest so that you are laying with him on top. "what- what are you doing?"

"stay still." his voice is a mere whisper, a warm breath against your face. you gulp, a little louder than you intended. but he doesn't laugh. his face doesn't change. it is dead serious, with his brown eyes becoming as dark as his raven hair. his pupils are so diluted that they give the illusion of turning black. and you're not sure whether it is good or bad in this situation. "dollie..."

you lay perfectly still. the wheel has stopped, letting the visitors enjoy the view and take pictures. yunho, however, couldn't care less. not when he has you pinned down below him, hair beautifully splayed out, cheeks pink with blush, and eyes shiny and curious. and that damn ice cream on your bottom lip. he closes his eyes, then leans his forehead against yours. his nose gently brushes against yours, sending shivers down your spine and almost making you shudder. that, along with the way his one hand effortlessly holds both your wrists pressed into the leather seats has you seeing stars.

"fuck," he sighs against your lips. "fuck, what are you doing to me?"

"did i do something wrong?" the question is genuine.

"no, no." he shakes his head. "no. you're perfect. you're gorgeous. you're everything a man could ever want. you're everything i want."

he pulls away for a split second, eyes roaming your face for any signs of discomfort. when he doesn't see any, he licks his lips, then gulps.

"you're making me weak." his voice is velvet in your ears, gentle and soothing. his free hand moves the loose strands of hair out of your face, caressing your cheek in the process and continuing the path to your jaw to cup it. "and you don't even know it."

his plush lips capture your bottom one between them, tongue swiping across it to lick the ice cream off. you shudder beneath him, body arching off the seats and finding comfort against his warm chest. his hand lets your wrists go, as well as your jaw, only to find their comfort on your waist. you've never done this. yet your hands seem to move so naturally towards his hair, fingers sneaking between the soft locks and gently massaging his scalp as he nibbles on your bottom lip. a rush of heat takes over your stomach and the space between your legs. the feeling so good and new, yet so empty. you need more of him. you crave him now more than ever.

when he pulls away, it is because he needs to catch his breath, and so do you. his lips have turned a darker shade, and are so inviting to touch. and you do so, allowing yourself a moment of braveness. digits reach for his plump lips, the touch so light that yunho's lashes flutter. he can't help the desire that takes over his body and mind, pinning you further against the seats with his body and squeezing your bare waist underneath the hoodie. "you're killing me."

"how?" you didn't mean for your voice to come out so... pathetically raspy. you clear your throat. "is that bad?"

yunho chuckles in between shallow breaths. "god, you're so precious."

his lips lock with yours once again, leaving small and gentle kisses on them. until your tongue shyly peeks out to try the waters and be smooth like him. and it sends him over the edge. it makes him sit up straight and pull your body with him so that you sit on his lap, legs spread and resting on each side of him. one of his hands snakes further underneath the hoodie and follows a trail up your spine, feeling up your bare skin that burns and shivers beneath his metal rings. yunho can't keep his hands to himself anymore. he kisses you deeply, with his tongue chasing yours and seeking for a taste of you.

you taste him too, enjoying the mix of the chocolate chip ice cream and him. and he tastes better than you've ever imagined. he is intoxicating, leaving you yearning for more each time he pulls away to breathe. your body responds to him, seeking the warmth of his and aching to be held and touched. you are touch starved, and he is at fault. he might be able to redeem himself. especially when his lips take a detour from yours and continue down your jaw and to your neck. his hot tongue swipes down it, following an imaginary line and lightly grazing his teeth against your sensitive skin.

"yunnie..." you wish to call his name, but it comes out as a breathy moan. "please."

yunho pulls away, gulping once again. "what?" he breathes out.

"i- i don't know." you admit. "i need something. i need you."

"doll." he warns. "you can't say things like that."

subconsciously, your bottom lip sticks out in disappointment. you already know that he will playfully tug at it. except this time, he doesn't. he looks you with a gaze so intense that it makes you feel the smallest in the world. "sorry."

"love," the man sighs, regretting his tone. his hands cup your cheeks and bring your face close to his again, enough for him to leave a kiss on the tip of your nose. "i'd destroy you."

"what do you mean?" you should be scared. that can't mean any good, can it? just why are you squirming in his lap then, thighs aching to be pressed together and core burning up?

"oh, sweet little bunny." the realization hits him. you really are that sweet and innocent. "i just mean that..." he stops to think.

he won't be able to resist himself. and he doesn't want to hurt you. yes, he loves to see you cry. and yes, he has the twisted desire to see you split open on his cock as you cry and whine about how big he is, and how you can't fit him. to see pretty tears spilling down your cheeks as you enjoy the pain he inflicts on you, begging for more. he'd stop if you told him to, of course. he would never do anything to hurt you like that.

"you just mean that...?" you wake him up from his filthy fantasies.

his hands leave your body, only to rest on top of your hands which play with the zipper of his leather jacket. "i mean that you're not ready."

i just mean that i am not ready.

"you'll have to be a patient little doll. can you do that for me?" he tilts his head to properly look at you as your gaze is locked on his hands over yours. "angel?"

"yes."

"yes, what?"

"yes, yunnie."

"that's a good girl."

the wheel continues spinning, just when yunho gently removes you from himself and lets you sit on your own. all flushed and hair messy, you turn towards the windows, hoping to fix the situation while you pretend to look at the view and hide from his eyes. a click echoes in the cabin. then another, and another. you turn around to find yunho taking pictures of you from the opposite seats, a soft smile on his face as you try to hide into the hoodie.

"stop, i look horrible!"

"one more, come on." he approaches you, taking your jaw into his hand and making you look at him. he gets the perfect shot, your flushed face on full display, sitting so perfectly in his palm, with big eyes looking up at him. "perfect."

"my hair is a mess." you complain, hands struggling to fix the loose strands.

the dark haired man imitates your pout. "no pouting."

"i wasn't."

you jolt when his fingers tug on your bottom lip. he really loves doing that. "and no lying. you know how i feel about lying."

that you do. he hates lying more than anything. lies, white lies, being silent about things. it didn't matter. yunho hated it. your lips are too pretty to tell lies, he had told you once. truthfulness means a lot to him, and he appreciates it when it comes from you. "sorry."

seeing that he burst your bubble, he crouches in front of you, taking your hands in his and bringing them to his lips to leave a kiss on the back of each one. "i'll fix your hair when we get home. i promise."

the ride comes to an end, with yunho and you exiting last, each holding a stuffed animal. you walk beside yunho, content. you kissed him.

no, he kissed you.

yunho kissed you. it's everything you've ever desired for as long as you can remember. and it's better than you've imagined. his lips were indeed as soft as they looked, maybe even softer. his tongue a burning fire against yours, and hands molding your body like clay in his hold. you're feeling selfish, wishing for more. wishing that the wheel got stuck and left the two of you up there, continuing with the activity. as you look at his side profile - the one you can never get enough of looking at - you decide that you'll get more. you have to.

he has given you a taste, and you're already addicted.

"i need to use the restroom. sit here and wait for me." he places the stuffed elephant on a bench nearby, then the koala on the other end of it. he guides you so that you sit in between, occupying the bench and leaving no space for anyone else to sit. "i could just put you on my shelf and look at you all day long like this. stay here, got it?"

you're feeling foolish, having the whole bench to yourself. but what yunho says, you do. and you sit still, nodding your head playfully. "yes, sir!"

"i'll be right back. got your phone?"

"yes." you show it to him, secure in your hand.

"sunglasses?"

"on." you scrunch your nose, moving the sunglasses further up it.

"good. i'll be back in two minutes."

the feeling is strange. being outside, hands untied, a phone in your hand, and yunho not by your side. a light breeze caresses your hair, and the early setting autumn sun warms your face for one last time today. a once lost feeling creeps up on you, along with the fear of consequences. you've forgotten what it feels like. you've forgotten what free will is. you've forgotten what freedom is. and you haven't sought it for a very long time. and it haunts you, whispers in your ear, makes the hairs on your hands stand straight.

it lures you in.

it makes you stand up. take a step, then another. unsure at first, and a little wobbly. like you've forgotten how to walk without him. and then: you run.

you run through the crowd, around and behind the stands and tents, until your legs start to ache. you aren't used to this much cardio.

afraid that he might see you, you run into the nearest big tent. the entrance isn't the usual one, and you realize that somehow you've managed to sneak in through the exit. it takes a while for your eyes to get used to the dark. the place is poorly lit, with dark red lights illuminating the countless reflections that stare back at you. a mirror maze. out of all places you could've chosen.

you finally see your true form in the poorly lit mirror. hair a mess, face unrecognizable, wrists bruised. clothes that do not belong to you. and a pair of dark glimmering eyes that look at you from the shadows behind you.

"dollie."

how did he find you so quick? was he just testing you? testing your loyalty? did you even have a chance in running away? did you just let all that trust you built with him over the course of months or years fall into water?

but you won't let him catch you. and no amount of mirrors will stop you. you bolt for the exit, following the arrows on the floor that are upside down to you. you don't hear his footsteps behind you. perhaps it is your fear playing hallucinations on you. perhaps he is giving you a head start. or perhaps this tent was his plan too. for you to run in there, failing his test, and suffering consequences.

fear swallows you whole, causing your breathing to become shallow and fast, vision blurry, and legs and hands shaky. the faint red arrows aren't visible anymore, and you rely on putting your hands in front of you and touching your way out.

"i'm so disappointed with you, y/n."

no.

not the first name.

god, no. you can't do this again.

tears prickle your eyes, further blurring your vision. how could you have been so stupid? as if yunho is a fool. you've forgotten what he truly is. you've forgotten what you truly are. a prisoner, and its captor.

"i thought we were finally getting somewhere."

his voice is deeper than usual, echoing through the mirror maze. it makes you turn every few seconds, making sure that he isn't behind you, as if it wasn't enough to simply look at the mirrors in front of you. but your rising panic attack has your senses dull, and quickly you find yourself sobbing as you try to navigate through this torture labyrinth. every reflection is a punch to the gut, showing you your helpless frame and mocking you.

"you said you loved me."

he's close, then he isn't. you hear his footsteps, then you don't. and then, your eyes catch a glimpse of the tent's front opening up and closing. it's right there. just a few turns away. palms carelessly leave prints on the spotless mirror, and legs work hard to keeping your body up for just a little more. a few more turns. that's all you need to do.

a whiff of fresh air hits your face as you take a turn to the left, and you can smell the popcorn and cotton candy on the stands just outside the tent.

a hand is placed over your mouth, and another one around your waist, pulling you back harshly and colliding with another body. the feeling is all too familiar, repetitive even. nails desperately claw at his hands, but you know it's to no avail. you sob into his palm, tears streaming down your cheeks and continuing down his hand.

"you lied."

you are so stupid.

a light breeze caresses your cheeks. it is cold for your face, but your body seems to be warm and comfortable. even your hands. your eyelids peel open, and it takes a while to adjust to the dark. yunho's jacket covers your lap and hands, keeping you warm from the autumn breeze that enters through the rolled down window of his car.

yunho's jacket.

yunho's car.

yunho.

"no-" you gasp, jumping in the car seat.

yunho is quick to put a hand over your mouth. "hush. it's okay."

he doesn't keep it there long, removing it as fast as he touched you. he gives you time to look around and adjust to your surroundings. the first thing you notice is your hands, still untied, then, the street yunho is parked on. "what are we doing here?"

the man doesn't say anything. one of his elbows rests on his rolled down window, holding his head in his palm while his other hand plays with the lavender rope. you gulp, feeling the material on your wrists even though nothing is there. upon subconsciously rubbing your wrists, you notice that you don't wear his clothes anymore. you're wearing the clothes you thought were forever gone.

the concert outfit.

and the street? the street where you live. and your house at the end of it, the yellow trees preparing for winter and shedding their leaves.

"yunho...?"

he scoffs. "you never call me that."

you don't know what to say. you opt for silence, looking at your house in the distance and wondering why he has brought you here. then, you speak. "you kept my concert clothes."

"i kept all your things." yunho sighs, then reaches in the back seat to retrieve a backpack. the familiar scent of vanilla and whisky almost hugs you when he leans back to reach for it, his neck exposed and close to you. you ignore the tingling sensation in your stomach. "here."

he opens it for you, revealing all of your belongings, including your phone. it is smashed, and it doesn't turn on.

"i had to make sure nobody could find you." he confesses. "there's an envelope with money for the new one in the backpack."

"i don't understand..."

"you can go."

you can... go?

he is letting you go? willingly? your gulp almost echoes in the car. legs frozen, and mind a mess, you remain seated. yunho doesn't look at you. he keeps his gaze locked on a tree by the sidewalk, monitoring the swinging branches and falling leaves.

"don't make me change my mind."

it feels odd. unnatural. as if you'll wake up soon. the strange thing is that recently you haven't dreamt of running away from yunho. even now, as he is openly offering you freedom. your bottom is firmly planted on the seat.

"that's it? just like that?" you dare ask.

"yep." he still doesn't look at you.

"you don't have anything to say?" you push further.

"if you think i'm going to apologize, i am not." his eyes finally lock with yours. and it still makes your stomach flutter. "you should really go."

you are overwhelmed - no, overstimulated - by feelings and thoughts. you are angry, and sad. months or years of this odd relationship with him, being in an apartment and not stepping foot outside, locked away from the world, cut off from the social sites, completely at his mercy. eating what he offers you and wearing what he buys you. having contact with him only. trying not to go crazy when spending multiple days alone, sometimes a month too. all because you did something that he didn't like and he was punishing you for it.

and he drops you off at your house. simple as that.

hesitantly, your hand reaches for the door handle after unbuckling the seatbelt, only to find it locked. a sigh leaves yunho's lips, and within seconds, the windows are rolled up and the car starts. "dumb bunny."

"what?"

yunho steps on the gas pedal. his hands grip the wheel with such force that it turns his skin pale. the speed of the car and sudden turns make your body toss around in it. the seatbelt uselessly hangs on the side. "dumb." he takes another turn. "fucking." and joins the traffic on the highway. "bunny."

"i'm sorry!" you choke out, hands frantically holding onto anything you can reach. breathing becomes a challenge as your eyes follow the way he skillfully overtakes other cars, going way past the speed limit. "yunho! yunho, please!"

"i gave you a chance to prove your loyalty. to see if you regret using the chance and running away from me at the park. to prove that you love me, like you said it." he seethes. "and you reached for the handle."

"you offered!"

"doesn't mean you should've taken the offer!" he yells back. his voice is animalistic, deep as he almost growls the words and loud, sending shivers down your spine and coating your body in sweat. he glances at you, enough to make you start trembling. his eyes are pitch black under the lack of lights on the highway and dilated pupils from anger. "you're mine, you hear me? mine!"

"slow down," you sob, "please."

"i told you once, doll. if i can't have you..." he takes a sudden turn, exiting the highway and continuing into the forest that surrounds it. he avoids trees, driving between them and scaring the animals away, until he finally stops in front of the lake that is hidden among the greenery that is now swallowed by the dark of the night. "nobody can."

a blood curling scream leaves your lips as your eyes meet your doom. yunho drives the car into the lake at full speed.

he doesn't exit. he stays inside with you, calmly looking ahead of him as the front of the car slowly starts sinking. his seatbelt holds him in place, while you are left tilted along with the vehicle. trembling hands reach for the man. even in this moment, you reach for him.

"yunho..." your voice is a mere whisper. "yunho, please."

"nobody can have you."

"they won't." you assure him.

"nobody can have you."

"i'm all yours."

"nobody can have you."

"please don't kill me."

brown eyes finally look at you. his gaze softens at your flushed and wet face. he has control over the situation. you just don't have to know that. this is where he wants you: begging him to spare your life, making sure to let you know that he is the only one you have. that he is all you need. and that there is no escape other than death from that. he would rather drown with you than let anyone else have you.

"i want to live." you beg.

you can't help but feel comfort when his hands cup your face. ringed fingers brush your tear stained cheeks, and he can't help but lean in and press his lips to a fresh one that started its journey down your rosy skin. "you'll live. with me."

yunho leans his forehead against yours. his warm breath caresses your lips - a bittersweet refreshment of your memory. how can a man kiss so softly, but touch so roughly?

"tell me you're mine."

a sneaky glance helps you determine the current danger of the situation. you still have time to exit through the trunk. but it all depends on yunho. if he has decided to not let you go, nobody can help you with it. "i'm yours."

"good girl."

the familiar feeling of rope is back on your wrists. you'd be lying if you said that it didn't bring you comfort. the outside world seemed scary enough for you to embrace being locked in. yunho isn't the reason. he only did what he had to do to put some sense back into you.

the red rope is tied into a complex heart between your wrists, and yunho gives it a tug to tighten it and restrain you. "there. all done."

"it's pretty." you compliment. you don't ask why the rope is red. you know. you get the red one each time you do a foolish thing, so that every time you see it, you are reminded of how you let him down. "thank you, yunnie."

to your surprise, he loosens it, enough to slip it off your wrists and not undo the knot. he stands up from the bed, then gently removes the sleeping rabbit from your lap and sets it on the floor in the hallway near the cage and food, before coming back and offering you his hand to stand up. you are still soaking wet from the lake, with his hoodie hanging around your waist to warm your legs. you accept it, standing up and leaving a wet spot behind on the sheets.

"i'm sorry."

yunho only smiles, pressing a kiss to the hand he holds, and guides you to the bathroom. "don't worry about it."

you are surprised at the sight once your bare feet step on the cold bathroom tiles. the bathtub is filled with steaming water, and a few candles are lit around it. your hand is abandoned by his for a moment, just enough for him to shuffle through one of the drawers near the sink. a towel awaits for you, neatly folded on the stool near the tub. your hands untie the hoodie around your waist, letting it fall with a splat. little by little, the heavy wet pieces of clothes form a pile on the ground. by the time yunho turns around, you are left in only your underwear, body shivering from the midnight breeze that sneaks in through the tilted window. yunho stops in his tracks, eyes falling on your exposed skin that is illuminated by the soft orange light of the candles.

"uh," his gaze drops on two packages in his hands. you feel a boost of confidence storming through your veins. "i got you these bath bombs. which one would you like?"

"you pick." you shrug.

yunho looks still avoids you, turning his back towards you and approaching the tub. his hands unwrap the light pink one, dropping it in the water and helping it dissolve faster by making circular motions with his fingers on the surface. he doesn't stop until the clear liquid becomes a milky white with a pastel pink hue, with rose petals floating on the surface. "milk and rose. you'll like it."

to your disappointment, he passes by you without sparing you a glance. you can't help the hand that reaches for his, fingers intertwining and eyes that have proved themselves useful many times. he flinches, as usual. but he doesn't let go. "stay." the word comes out in a whisper.

"doll." he warns. "be good and-"

his eyes widen when you climb on your toes and rest your hands on his shoulder, lips lightly ghosting over his. you don't touch them yet. not when his hands grab your waist, and not when a sigh leaves his lips and caresses yours. only then do you finally press them against his. fingers are eager to play with his hair on his neck, and body leans against his chest to seek warmth and comfort. and the brown eyed man gives it to you, pulling you into him so that your cold skin can rest against his burning one. you can feel him, even though there is a layer of material separating you.

when your tongue peeks out to swipe over his bottom lip, yunho pulls away. you can't help the whine that leaves your lips. "you're going to be the death of me." he sighs.

"will you stay?"

"and do what?" he tilts his head playfully. "watch you enjoy your hot bath while i freeze?"

"you could join me-"

"no." he firmly says. and just like that, all you've done with the kiss has fallen into the water. his hands abandon your body, only to find your clip that he has put there himself once he helped you out of the lake. your hair is still damp, and it falls loose when he takes the butterfly clip off. it was his favourite one. "go."

"but yunnie..."

"bunny."

"you won't see me naked." you finally say.

one of the rules with yunho was that you are not to see each other naked. even now, with only your underwear on, you were pushing it. yunho made sure to let you know that he doesn't want such things with you. you only need to sit pretty for him and be obedient.

"please? you can turn around while i undress and turn back when i get into the tub."

"you still haven't answered my question. what will i do while you enjoy your little bath?" he turns around, letting you free yourself from the damp underwear. they join the pile on the floor, right next to yunho. his eyes fall on the discarded panties, and he has to close his eyes and breathe in to keep his composure. you've come a long way from being too shy to ask for a glass of water.

"you promised you'd fix my hair."

once he hears the water gently splashing, he turns around. the water is murky, hiding your bare body from his hungry eyes. while you settle down in it, yunho wastes no time in getting a hairbrush and bringing the stool to the tub so that he is behind you and the only way you can face him is by leaning your head against the rim of the tub. he places a smaller towel on it so that your neck doesn't hurt while you lean back. "clever girl."

you fail to hide the proud smirk on your face. a sigh leaves your lips when yunho's fingers sink into your hair and massage your scalp. you can't believe that those same hands almost dragged you to death just two hours ago.

"stay still." his voice is a whisper. you haven't even realized that your head was leaning into his touch, dragging your body out of the water and exposing you just above your breasts. you sink back in, covered all the way to the shoulders. "good girl."

his voice has never sounded so husky and... deep. manly. a warm sensation pools at the bottom of your stomach, and seems to start bubbling and getting hotter when your fingers brush against your thighs. it is not the first time that yunho does your hair. he loves doing it. but something about him doing it right there and then had your mind spinning. you tilt your head back to glance at him. the sight is both cute and funny: yunho dressed in all black, with a serious and focused expression as he does the familiar braid in your hair, and a lavender scrunchy on his wrist. soon enough, he pulls that scrunchy off his wrist and ties your hair with it, then keeps it in his hand to play with it.

"my pretty girl." he coos. his other hand reaches to caress your cheek, and a smile spreads on his lips, seeing how your body immediately responds to his touch. you sigh in content, nuzzling your face further into his warm hand. "do you trust me?"

"yes," you respond, lost in the way his hand trails down your neck and grazes your collarbones. "yes, i do."

yunho hums. your braid is left to hang in the air while he reaches for something. you trust him. which is why you keep your eyes closed, not bothering to see what he is doing. a gasp leaves your lips when you feel something hot on your collarbones, and your eyes shoot open.

yunho holds a candle above you, tilting it so that hot wax drips on your body. the feeling is strange. the pain is there, yet it adds to the fuel between your legs. he sets the candle back on the flat rim of the tub, then reaches for another one. "yunho-"

"you can take it." he encourages. he tilts it again, and you can't help the shuddering sigh that leaves your lips when it falls on your chest, grazing your tense nipples. "does that feel good, dollie?"

you can only nod while your fingers reach to touch your sensitive breasts. they accidentally graze the perky buds, and if you didn't bite your lip in time, yunho would know what you were doing under the murky water.

"words, precious." he tilts the candle again, more wax coating your collarbones and neck as his other hand still caresses your cheeks. "let me hear you."

"it feels good, yunho."

yunho usually hated when you used his full name. he loved your nickname. but now, as he listens to you say his whole name in almost a breathy moan, he can't help but gulp and bite his inner cheek. "one more."

fingers trail from your breasts to your core, digits eagerly pressing into the plush folds and giving you a lick of satisfaction. when yunho brings a fresh candle to your body, you can't help the impatient whimper that leaves your lips, causing him to lose it and pour it all at once on you. his pants tighten at the sight, dried wax coating your burning skin, flushed cheeks, parted lips, and eyes rolled back. your head is still resting on the rim, tilted so that he can look at your pretty face that has a warm orange hue due to the candles.

then, he notices the water moving. and he notices your hand that has disappeared under it. yunho yanks your braid, making your eyes widen. "are you touching yourself?"

you know better than to lie. but you also know how much yunho doesn't like when you touch yourself. he gets jealous, he says. yet he won't ever touch you. your hand freezes between your legs, but no matter how slowly you try to remove it, yunho already knows. it doesn't fix the damage.

"stupid little bunny."

as if you want him to meet his end, your eyes become glossy with tears, and your bottom lip quivers. he didn't mean to make you cry. but you knew the rules. and you never broke them. sometimes you'd threaten that you would, only to rile him up and make him give you attention. you've never actually done it. now that you did, yunho is baffled. he hates that he wants to keep watching. he doesn't need to look at your body. your face is enough.

"i'm sorry." your voice trembles.

then, yunho's gaze hardens. it makes you worry for a split second, until his hands reach for your knees that peek out of the water. he separates them, slow as ever, and you swear you hear his breath hitch. "keep going."

"what?" you blink your tears away, to his disappointment.

"i want to watch." his eyes are fixed on yours. when you start rising from the water to give him a view, yunho shakes his head. "i want to watch you enjoy it."

you should've known by now that he has odd requests and ways of doing things. like insisting on feeding you. holding your hand or carrying you when going to another room. putting your hair in a clip by himself. choosing which clothes you'll wear for him. this, however, you did not experience yet.

"go on, pretty. i'll guide you." his soft lips leave a kiss on your forehead. "but you'll have to talk to me when i say something to you. got it?"

"yes, sir."

he nods as a sign to keep going. he doesn't have to do anything else, because your fingers are back on your folds. he gently tugs at your braid; a sign to stop. "patience." he growls. "cup your pretty breasts for me. don't touch your nipples just yet."

back to the start. your hands obey his command, and soon enough, your thighs find themselves squeezing together and rubbing against each other. fed up with your impatience, yunho separates your knees once again, now keeping his hands firmly planted there.

"tell me," he whispers into your ear, "if it was me touching you..." he trails.

you whimper at the thought.

"what would you want me to do next?"

your imagination runs wild. you'd want him to do everything. the things you can't even say out loud. things that would surprise him. so you settle for a simple one. "kiss me."

he chuckles. "that i can do."

he teases first, lips hovering over yours instead of touching. "please." you breathe out.

"touch yourself for me." he demands. "soft circles on your pretty buds."

when you do so, he finally presses his lips into yours. it is needy, and hot. the way his teeth graze your bottom lip, tugging it and nibbling on it while your fingers work on yourself. small whines are swallowed by his hungry kisses, muffled by his hot tongue against your inexperienced one. he guides you by slowing down and letting both of you savour every lick and nibble. if you weren't in the water, you are sure you'd be burning up.

one of his hands abandons your knee and reaches for yours that grips the bathtub rim, and he guides it back under the water and to your core. he only touches your hand, careful not to accidentally graze your thighs or your slick core. your fingers move with his help, slowly circling your clit and removing them when he feels your body become tense. he denies the sweet pleasure multiple times, enjoying the way you squirm under him and whine into his lips.

"yunnie-"

"yunho." he growls. "call me by my name."

"please, please, please." you chant. "yunho, please."

"sensitive?" he asks, knowing the answer. this time, yunho pulls away, opting to admire your face and finally focusing on you. "i'll make you feel so good, doll. make you wish for nobody but me."

"please do." pleas don't stop leaving your mouth. under other circumstances, you'd feel pathetic. but right now? you are ready to get on your knees and beg. "touch me."

"i can't." he stops.

you groan in frustration, losing the orgasm once again. "why not? why won't you ever touch me? why do you keep me if you won't do anything with me? am i ugly to you? am i that unappealing? am i not enough sexually attractive? am i too inexperienced for you? is there someone else? if there is, why am i here? what do i have to do to-"

in a single motion, yunho pulls you out of the water. it splashes everywhere, including his clothes. the look on his face changes. he is furious. you are pulled into the room, water dripping behind and leaving a trail all the way to the bed. he doesn't seem fazed by the fact that you are completely naked in front of him, and that he has seen you, and thus, broken his own rule. yunho throws your body on the bed, then reaches for the red ropes on the night stand.

"no, no-" you regret your words. "i'm sorry! i didn't mean it!"

"shut the fuck up." he growls. your wrists are back in the ropes, and he wastes no time in tightening them. he turns your body around so that you lay down on your stomach, and then pulls your braid so that your head is tilted back, just like in the bathtub. "look at me."

"yunho, please-"

"look." spank. "at." spank. "me." spank.

eyes finally lock with his. even through the blurry vision, you can see just how dark they have become. you always do this. you build something, little by little, and then you become greedy and ruin it. "i'm sorry."

"what do you want?"

silence. the pain on your scalp softens, with yunho loosening his grip. his brows are furrowed, and you know you've made him more furious than ever, just by the look on his face. "what?"

"do you want me to touch you?"

"i-" you do. it's all that's on your mind right now. he had given you a taste, and you want it all. "yes."

"after all i did to you?"

this time, you are the one whose brows are furrowed. he does know what he did to you. and he does acknowledge how bad it is. yet all of it doesn't stop your body aching for his. soul yearning for his. mind longing for his. you want yunho in every way possible. you want him to be yours, as much as you are his. only then will you be happy, and only then will you stop with the tantrums.

"yes." you confirm.

"oh, doll." he turns you over again, this time gently. finally, he looks at you. all of you. he can't help the hand that reaches to caress your wax covered collarbones and chest, traveling down your stomach and to your thighs. "if i touch you how i want now..." he trails, gaze locked on your shivering body. "you'll belong to me only."

"don't i already belong to you?" you point out.

"you don't understand." he shakes his head. "i'll make it so that your body only responds to me, even when we are out in public. i'll make it so that your mind doesn't dare to think of other men. i'll mold you so that i am your only match, mentally and physically. i'll make it so that your walls mold to the shape of my cock, and can only take me and nobody else. i'll make it so that you cry from pleasure every time i get my hands on you, and i set high standards for you, that even if you tried to cheat, you'd be disappointed and crawl back to me."

"yunho-" you breathe out, gulping at his words.

"i'll spoil you. i'll kiss you. i'll fuck you. i'll do anything you ask me to. just..." the man looks deep into your eyes before he removes a stray strand from your face, tucking it behind your ear. he places his hand under your chin, raising your head so that you can properly look at him with those glossy eyes of yours. "promise me."

"promise you what?"

"promise that you belong to me. me and nobody else."

"i promise." the words come out in a whisper.

he shakes his head, not satisfied with the answer. "say it."

"i belong to you, yunho. my body and soul is yours." finally, he is satisfied. "under one condition."

he raises one eyebrow, surprised at your request.

"you can have me as long as i have you."

"you have me."

"no, i don't. not like i want to. what if you meet somebody prettier? more interesting? i've seen your coworkers. they're all gorgeous. i can't compare to them. what if you decide you want a normal relationship and grow bored of me?"

one confession after another has yunho's gaze softening. he wishes for nothing more than to press his lips against yours and kiss you like there is no tomorrow. but he has suppressed your feelings and opinions enough. "i would never get bored of you. you think i went to such lengths for something that is temporary?"

"then why don't you ever touch me?"

"because," his finger stops the fresh tear from rolling down your cheek, "once i have you, i won't be able to keep my hands off you."

"i don't want you to keep your hands off me." you hastily admit. he opens his mouth to speak, but you stop him by capturing his lips with yours. he relaxes into it, letting you lead by simply opening his mouth and inviting your tongue in. he is already burning for you, as are you for him. you pull away for a moment. "you said multiple times that you like to pamper and take care of me. now you can properly show it to me."

"i will take good care of you." he breathes out, gracing you with a hot kiss to your lips before trailing down your jaw and neck. "i will be everything you could want or need." his teeth graze the collarbone, making your hands snake around his neck. "i will be yours as much as you are mine."

his tongue peeks out, creating a path between your breasts, down your stomach, until he reaches your pulsating core. his hands rest on your waist, keeping your body firmly planted on the wet mattress. it is odd seeing someone like yunho be mesmerized by something. seeing his eyes locked to your glistening folds and bottom lip trapped between his teeth made your stomach erupt with butterflies. he is still holding back.

suddenly, the red rope catches his attention. you are still tied up. but when he goes to undo the knot, you stop him. "i want to keep them on. so you know i truly belong to you."

"doll..." voice pure velvet, yunho looks at you from between your legs. "what do you want me to do?"

you think. and think. but really, it is that simple. "everything you wanted to do, but you held back."

"you don't know what you are asking for." he warns.

"you said you'll do anything i ask." you remind him of his words spoken just minutes ago. "i ask you to not hold back."

with a groan, yunho pulls your body to the edge of the bed, burying his head between your thighs and inhaling your scent before letting his tongue taste you. immediately, your back arches off the bed, and tied up hands reach to grab his hair. the grip he has on your thighs to keep them apart is strong. so strong that you know they'll bruise.

"fuck-" his fingers spread your folds, leaving your sensitive clit exposed to his flattened tongue. "fuck!" you cry out.

he barely slides one finger inside your tight walls, and you can already feel the orgasm rushing. he has denied it many times today already, and he decides to be merciful and close his lips around the bundle of nerves and suck until you fall apart on the bed and his tongue. he doesn't give you a break, instead pulling his mouth away from you and sliding another finger inside. "so pretty."

digits easily find the plush button on the upper wall, caressing it and stimulating it to the point of making you cry from pleasure. tears spill down your cheeks, hands grip at the sheets, and body arches from the bed while your walls clench around him. when you look down to beg him to give you more, you choke on your breath. yunho humps the edge of the bed, gaze fixed on the way your walls swallow his fingers as he chases his own release. "yunnie..."

"yes, pretty girl?"

"you're humping the mattress while i am here?"

"you look and taste so sweet. i don't want to ruin it." he admits.

a laugh escapes your lips, and is interrupted by a moan when his other hand rests on your overstimulated clit. "i want you."

and just how can yunho say no to you?

"i'll try to be gentle." vision blurry and mind hazy, you don't question how fast yunho has taken his clothes off. he is on top of you, planting a kiss on your forehead before guiding his aching cock to your entrance. you clench before he even slips inside, making it harder for his wide length to separate your walls. inch by inch, yunho gets lost in the feeling of you, and can't help but slam his hips into yours. a cry meets his ears, making him realize what he did. "oh, doll. i am so sorry."

"it's alright." you assure, a hiccup betraying you.

"you feel..." he pulls away, only to slide back in again in a gentler motion and let out a satisfied hum. "oh, you feel heavenly."

all you can think about it the bulge in the bottom of your stomach. you feel him deep, and it is as enjoyable as it is painful. he is thicker than you've imagined, or ever seen, and he splits you open so beautifully, easily gliding in and out. "i want... i want..."

"you're a drooling mess, dollie." he teases. and he isn't wrong. you are so intoxicated by his smell, his touch, and the way he gazes at you, that you can't do anything else but lie down and take what he gives you. "fuck, i'm not going to last long. that doesn't usually happen."

"i'll take that as a compliment."

yunho picks you up by your waist, angling your body off the mattress and finally snapping his hips into yours, reaching into the places you never knew you had and drawing cries and moans from you. "say my name." he growls against your neck, the sticky tip of his cock kissing your cervix with each snap.

"yunho," you gasp.

"louder." snap.

"yunho," you try, but you are weak already.

"louder." he yanks at your braid, sending delicious pain to your scalp and inching you closer to your release. "say my name. tell me who you belong to. tell me who's fucking you right."

"yunho!"

"good, good girl." he praises, and finally, lets you relax as he helps you reach the peak and spill. "i'll ruin you for anyone else."

it takes you over the edge of the peak, making your body explode with pleasure that rushes all the way to your toes, fingers and scalp. you shake under his touch, riding out the waves of pleasure while he still works on getting himself to orgasm.

it doesn't take long, seeing your state of flushed cheeks, half closed eyes that lazily gaze at him, and the knot between your wrists. he spills into you, filling you to the brim and pulling out, only to squirt the remains on your abused clit. warm seed spills out of your hole and onto the mattress. you don't protest when his fingers collect the white fluid, only to push it back in.

"fuck, you really are perfect." he kisses your cheeks, then your forehead, and finally, your lips. "i guess i'll go run you another bath."

"guess so," you laugh. you watch him run into the bathroom and get his phone from the nightstand in the process, and can't help but glance at his tushy when he walks. "and yunho?"

"hm?"

"i meant what i said. i am yours, as long as you are mine."

"yes, doll." his eyes are fixed on the screen, and he is lucky he is hidden in the bathroom. he skims over the message over and over again, wondering whether he was reading it right. if you weren't right there, he would've thrown the phone at the mirror. it was as if his reflection was taunting him. smiling at him. freaking him out.

hongjoong: i know what you did, yunho. i gave you enough time to correct your mistakes or admit to it. if you don't want the police involved, you better set the poor girl free and we'll never talk about this again. last chance.

they know what he did. and they won't be afraid to rat him out. but no matter what promises he made to you today, one thing is still clear:

if he can't have you, nobody can.

and if hongjoong tries to take you away from him, may all deities help him.

[mamaflaire]

Look at the goof

I coloured him :3 these are all the Ozzie's from my fanfics/AUs! I love him in every form, he's one of the most layered characters ever written!! I adore him!!! You can find my AUs on ao3!! <3

[aegis-noctua]

Allow me to finally break and enter this fandom with my humble offering!

I just wanted to do something with them all being good friends. Love, love, love their group dynamic! Also I have like 20+ pages worth of silly little dialogs that I want to turn into equally silly little comics, so hopefully I'll be sticking around.

Aaand a lot of rambling under the cut.

I'm an avid reader, you see. I generally don't watch things (sometimes not in literal years), it's just not something I do. So when at the beginning of fall tumblr exploded with outrage over the Dead Boy Detectives cancellation, my first thought genuinely was "what a stupid f*cking name" and then immediately "people are overreacting, it's just a series, nothing is worth that much of a fuss". But after observing for some time from a safe distance I eventually grew curious. I thought I knew what I was getting into.

(I had no bloody idea)

Well. Here I am now, almost four months of obsession later, eating my words with shards of glass and no sign of reaching the bottom of this cursed rabbit hole. I've been drawing more than ever and for the first time seriously thinking about honing my artistic skills. I have some drafts for at least two stories, and even though I'm a little hesitant to write (not being a native and all), I'm pretty determined to give it a go anyway. I tend to avoid social media and digital public spaces in general, but #SaveDeadBoyDetectives campaign changed that as well. To my great regret, there is not much I can do or participate in, so I settled for trying to be supportive of all the lovely people who created probably the safest and most comfortable online space I've ever encountered. I'm not as good as Charles at keeping spirits up, but damn I wanna try.

It honestly feels like if I had something like dbda growing up, I'd turn out at least 40% less traumatized as a person. It grew to mean so much so quickly. It's like some moments were plucked right out of my life and then embedded in the show. I felt (and still feel) so seen, and understood, and reassured, and safe, and hopeful, and accepted when watching (pretty much everybody's but especially) Edwin's side of the story. It's so much more than "just a series", and these Dead Boys deserve every good word that's being said about them.

Okay, I'm wrapping it up now, and the only thing left to say is thank you to all the people who put their effort into keeping this wonderful story alive and making the fandom so friendly and welcoming.

(right now I'm working on a big Christmas comic that I definitely won't be able to finish in time, but it will appear here at some point)

[pedge-page]

I loved your Mother Who Indulges fic. Never read a lactation kink fic before and the combination of Joel liking the breastmilk so much that he actually gains weight from it was really good.

The way you wrote Joel enjoying the milk, the scene with him sneaking to the refrigerator, getting off on the sensation of his bigger body and then surprised that Reader helps him finish drink off the milk glorious.

I was wondering if you would be interested in writing more fat!Joel feeling good as a bigger man (Has Tommy said anything to Joel about his weight gain?).

I was wondering if you'd like to write a scene where Joel is enjoying a meal, then he has to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants because he's getting uncomfortably full.

Thank you !! I'm glad to have introduced you to some new combination of kinks and concepts for Joel! Idk if you meant for this ask to be smutty (probably not) but my brain just kept writing so I hope you still enjoy!

This can be read with Mother Who Provides and Mother Who Indulges, or as a standalone

Extra Helpings

Fat!Joel x F!Reader

Warnings: unprotected sex, feeding, cockwarming, talks of weight gain, breastfeeding, food play, vaginal fingering, oral f receiving, cum eating, dom!Joel this time around, slight anal fingering, brief daddy kink

18 + ONLY

- - - -

Now that Joel was a few sizes larger than last year prior to your baby being born, neither of you really let it deter your fun. In fact, he seemed to be in a much chipper mood than before. Having more energy with you and the baby, smiling bigger and brighter, and --not that its a big deal or anything--much much hornier.

Its as though before Joel wasn't really giving himself the right kind of nutrients. Just eating enough to get by, not really paying attention to vitamins or fats or anything.

When he looks in the mirror now, he feels... good. In a very odd sense. With his near beer gut middle pertruding out, he would not even come close to "fit" physically, though his line of work still gets his heart pulsing and muscles flexing better than most his age. But the sheer effort it takes to get up, the way he lumbers and feels the weight of himself shift...its like his ego is blooming physically. He's a bigger man for it.

Joel tucks his hands underneath the swell, giving himself a good lift. Shit, he really has gotten thick. Bouncing lightly on his heels , he turns to his side in the mirror just to see the vast amount of space his profile now takes up.

It makes his loins ache. Especially how you were begging him to fuck you missionary, feeling his new body up and caging you beneath him with no room to escape but to take it all...

Hes gonna get a boner before dinner even starts.

He's gotta say, beastmilk was like super serum, and not just for babies but for grown men too. Now that he was bigger, that also meant a bigger man with a bigger appetite. and you were very happy to indulge.

Joel plops down heavily at the dinner table. You had been chopping some taco ingredients and marinating chicken all day, so he was exceedingly excited for dinner. rubbing his hands together, you set down his plate of 10 warmed tortillas and enough fixings to feed a large family.

He smiles back up to you as you stroke his rosy cheeks. "There's more on the stove if you run out, I'll heat it up for you."

He kisses your palm. "You're so good to me."

you giggle and take your seat. "Eat up, big boy."

And he did. Joel woofed down 8 tacos easily in the first few minutes, grease and bits of melted cheese dribbling down his fingers and wrists before slurping it back up and sucking his digits clean. You ended up making half dozen more before he started to slow down, adjusting himself in the chair.

Joel coughed, raising himself uncomfortably then sitting back down with a wiggle. "Shit, m'gettin--kinda full."

"Don't force yourself, baby, when you're done, you're done--"

Instead, your husband leans back in his seat, his tightened flannel shirt riding up his ridiculously pronounced belly. he skillfully slits hiis fingers below his pudge, and the click of his belt comes undone, followed by a relieving pop of his jean button. "ughghhyeah--" he groans, his belly, no longer restrained, doing the rest of the work by forcing the zipper down fully so that all his extra stuffed gut can breathe.

Your jaw is still open, eyes refusing the depart as you watch it bounce and settle. He's a little proud of himself by your dumbfounded look, smirking and wiping his mouth with a napkin. He gives you a show by sitting up and letting you marvel at the little extra jiggle.

"What? I like ya cookin," he chides, getting you to blink and resettle your focus a little higher again. It doesn't help how blown wide your pupils are, the way you shift and clench your thighs. His eyes glaze down your body, licking his lower lip slowly as if he's about to have his main course. Palming his growing bulge, he grunts, "How bout desert?"

"I--made--made you--uh--" your face was warm, legs squeezing together, unable to stop your gaze from drifting downward every so often at the enormous swell in the middle and his brazen display of pants drawn open at the dinner table.

Joel's large chunky hand glides up along your thigh, the heat of it making your insides churn deliciously. he keeps riding it up, up, up, under your little shorts and towards your center.

"Can ya spread for me? Always make me such nice things to eat. Can't stop eatin what ya put in front of me. Wanna give this one a taste," he whispers darkly.

You part your legs as two fingers slither through your soaked folds. Despite your gasp, you spread wider, letting Joel play and pat your wet juices. He curls his fingers inward, scooping some of your arousal before withdrawing and shoving the sticky solution into his mouth with a moan.

"mmmm oh babygirl, that's so sweet," he hums, eyeing you from the side with a devious smirk as he boldly licks and sucks his fat digits clean. He smacks his lips with each one, savoring the salty tangly flavor--the best taste in the whole world.

"Ya said you made me somethin too?" he asks softly, rocking back and patting his belly casually as if he wasnt just fingering you under the table and sucking your juices clean.

"i--cookies..." you choke, wondering why you feel so empty now. "I wanna feed you cookies."

He shurgs and gestures for you to get on with it, and you don't wait a second. Stumbling into the table slightly before gathering the fresh warm plate you had just baked from the oven.

Joel claps his hands together like a giddy child. With his legs spread wide, you straddle his thighs, your stomached pressed against his lower belly. He wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you flush, whining as the hardened, wet print of his clothed cock kisses your warm pussy.

"Take this off." He helps you shuck off your top, leaving your swollen breasts exposed. "oohhh yeah..." he rolls his tongue, clicking at the beautiful sight of you naked on his lap. You can feel his hands instinctually take their place on your tits, cupping and massaging them in his beefy grips.

You giggle, moaning a little before taking a larger chocolate chip cookie and presenting it to his greedy lips. Joel opens his mouth as wide as possible with a dramatic "aaahhh" as you slot it in for a generous bite.

"Milk n' Cookies!" he grumles through his chewing.

You tilt your head in confusion , were it not for the way he opens his mouth again, a few crumbs spilling down your chest, ducks his head lower and latches on to your breast.

"mm--mm--mm" he hums loudly between each gulp of your sweet milk.

"Fuck," you whisper, closing your eyes. Your hips work on their own, grinding down on his bulge to relieve the pressure that was building in your stomach.

He pulls away with a pop, kissing the little pebble of milk left from your nipple. "How bout Milk n Cookies with a good ol cockwarm for me?" he suggests, gripping your hips and humping you harder against him.

"Ah huh," you babble, using your free hand to pull his cock from his boxer slit and shove it underneath your shorts, aligning to your slit.

"There we go-that's it baby--that's it--sink right down--thereyago!"

You both sigh contently. With his stomach and your cunt filled to the brim, you kiss his nose lovingly before getting back to his cookie munching and titty sucking routine. all while slowing bouncing on his throbbing member.

"Joel--I can't--can't do it--"

he finishes his last swallow of your milk before helping set the plate down on the table behind you. "Ya did it, baby. Let Daddy take care of the rest."

He plants his feet flat on the floor, leaning back slightly, gripping your ass and thrusting upwards.

you fall forward, a moaning, useless mess as Joel uses you like a little fleshlight.

Sweaty and pressed fully against his large frame, comforted by the extra fat now built there, you hug him tightly as he pounds up into your squelching pussy.

"Like that, huh? Like gettin me all fat, every fuckin' day, just so you can sit on my cock and ride me?"

Yeah! Yeah fuck--fuck yes Joel--love it, love you so much!"

"Yeah? Everyone keeps askin me what I been up to, gettin this big. told em my wife feeds me, s'all. Think they're jealous, baby. They want a good little housewife who lets em suck her fat tits all day fill them up. Ain't sharin ya with no one."

You nod into his shoulder, cross eyed and too blissed to answer anymore.

"Joel forces his thumb into your mouth. Saliva and drool coat it sloppily before he draws away and spanks your ass cheek, smiling as it jiggles. The room is filled with skin slapping and your babbling pants.

His thumb brushes over your butt, inching closer to your other unoccupied hole. He presses down with the tip, the pressure againdt the rim of your hole sends jolts of pressure. Theres a moment of panic that settles over you: Joel was always blessed with strong, delft large fingers. But since his bodily change, they've only gotten proportionally thicker, ans that means extra stretch for you. He works around in circular motions before being able to slit inside, guiding you up and down with his thumb in your ass as anchor.

"Tommy even makin' comments. Kid thinks he knows shit. Told em, I said I was eating pussy, drinkin' milk, and gettin my cock sucked every hour, every day, and ya cooked me whatever the fuck I wanted. Does that sound like a bad bet? Hell no, fuckin' heaven is what is it."

"Joel, baby, I'm bout to--"

he lifts the two of you up and sets your back flat against the table, spreading your legs wide. Joel growls like a beast before letting his mouth latch on to your mound, eating you out.

its all tongue and slurping and sucking on your twitching clit. You whimper over and over again until you're gripping his hair and cumming, pistoning your pussy into his jaw as he drinks your orgasm for all its worth.

"That's my good Momma," he gasps, twisting and scissoring his thick digits deep inside you and slamming your spot repeatedly. All while his tongue swirls in fast circles around your swollen clit.

Your head rolls to the side, still heaving from your high as Joel jerks his red, beating member to completion over your body. "FUCK!" He grunts, spewing ropes of his creamy seed all over your tits.

You yelp and laugh when he crashes on top of you to lick it all clean, sucking his salty cum and your sweet cream all in one go like a messy dog lapping at peanut butter. The newly padded layers of his body cushion you securly under him, not that you minded at all. In fact, you welcomed the warm, heavy feel of him surrounding you, strong and secure, hugging him close as the two of you suck air, breathing in the table of cookies, tacos and sex.

he plants his lips between the junction of your breastbone. "You're always gonna be my favorite snack, ya know that?"

- - - -

taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow @wintersquirrel @fluffygoffpanda @picketniffler @bbyanarchist

[thatbennybee]

ChordStriker!AU Q&A

I'm doing a bit of a Q&A about my ChordStriker!AU on insta after sharing this teaser WIP, so I figured I'd present some of the questions here! (Feel free to ask more btw!)

↓↓↓

Rock!Poppy

Q: "Is Poppy's family (Peppy & Viva) still with her since the Bergens didn't attack them?"

A: Peppy is with her, but he is confused/in mental decline like canon King Thrash was. Viva is missing. Poppy was old enough to remember her.

Q: "Will Viva play somewhat of a role in this AU?"

A: Yes, she's had a much bigger impact on Poppy's life, even till this day even though she's been missing for many years now. Poppy has never stopped looking for her.

Q: "Is King Peppy still a liar in your AU?"

A: Nah, he's normal. Sometimes hating him with my entire being is hard, so he gets to be a good dad this time. He's just not all there mentally so Poppy is more like his caretaker now.

Q: "Poppy's relationships don't last long because she gets bored... So how long is Branch going to last?"

A: The Rat Pack (Snack Pack) is wondering the same thing, but Poppy's never used the bf/gf/partner labels before meeting him which is strange... 👀

Q: "Does Poppy still party?"

A: She's a total party animal! Her parties are even more intense than a Pop Troll party since Rock Trolls are pretty extreme. LOL

---

Pop!Barb (Barbie)

Q: "What does Barb look like?"

A: For now, this is her design, it might change once I have time to draw her digitally.

Q: "Does this mean Barb has to go through the events of Trolls 1?"

A: Nope, Barb never befriends Bridget because they have never met. They have found a way to remain undetected in the forest. (Thanks to Branch’s constant nagging about safety)

Q: "How does Barb's gang look? Is there any significant differences in their dynamics?"

A: I haven't had time to finish them all, but here's some of them for now. There's more members of The Lunch Rush, but this is all I have for now!

Val Thundershock → Valentina Wondershock.

Only Queen Barbie calls her Val. She is very optimistic & loves to sing & dance! She's Barbie’s right-hand troll, BFFL & knows everything about her. They have a very... "close" relationship. ;] She's a popstar who's managed by Demo and loves to help make Pop Village a happier place.

Riff

He's a university student studying to be an engineer. He's very soft spoken, doesn't like to make a fuss and is probably the nicest guy around. He's quite close to Barbie and sees her as an older sister. He's actually on friendly terms with Branch. His favorite treat is lollipops. 🍭

Carol

But you can call her Carrie! Everyone does. She's a bit of a diva, loves to look good & dull things bore her. She will ignore anything that doesn't catch her eye, even trolls. Best to be looking your very best!

Sid Fret

Just call him Sid, no need to be so formal. He is every trolls dream guy and he knows it! He's a great roller derby racer and loves the attention trolls give him. Sure, he's a little self-absorbed, but he's a very loyal friend.

Demo

Not much has changed about Demo. He's perfect as he is <3 He's just a little more excitable & cutesy than before. He cares about Valentina a lot & they are very close friends.

Petra

She is the blueprint, she's the moment, she's everything. A model, actress, singer, you name it, she can do it. She's perfect... Who doesn't want to be her?

---

Branch

Q: "How different is Branch in this AU vs canon Branch?"

A: He is the same Branch essentially, just without the development he gains at the end of Trolls 1 & so-on. None of it occurred, so he is still grey, miserable & a recluse. He helped Barb to come up with a plan to keep everyone safe after nagging & warning her for ages, but after that, he returned to his bunker & is still not well-liked by the village.

Q: "Does she know Branch's whole past? If she does, what was her reaction?"

A: Not sure if you meant Barb or Poppy, so I'll answer for both. Barb—no. I don't think she'd ever find out, and she's also not the type to ask. Their personalities clash a bit too much, she stays out of his way like he asks her to.

For Poppy—I think it would come up naturally in conversation after a while when Branch feels more comfortable sharing. Poppy isn't the type to pry, but makes it clear that it's out of understanding, not a lack of caring. She can tell that he is closed off for a reason. She relates to that. I think she'd be beyond pissed once he told her, though.

Q: "Will Branch's brothers be in this?"

A: Yes, but Floyd will be getting the bigger role this time.

Q: "How quickly does Branch fall for Poppy? I'm sure the answer is yes, but is he happy?"

A: I'd say he's quite guarded in the beginning. He is cautious around her for the first few weeks, but he starts to come around once he picks up on Poppy being emotionally guarded herself.

Things move quickly once their walls come down around each other, & a mutual understanding is there. Poppy fell for him first. (At least, that's what Branch lets her believe, as it was love at first sight for him, but he'd never tell her that; she'd get a big head about it.)

[thechekhov]

Hello! I'm a big fan of your work. I wanted to ask for advice / thoughts about an art problem I've been struggling with that you seem to have at least some sort of solution for?

So basically I'm an animator and digital artist (hobbyist), and I'm constantly coming up with new ideas for things to make. Only problem is that most of these ideas would take up to or longer than 2 months to make because, yknow, animation isn't quick, especially if you want to take your time to make it good. But with so many ideas that all take so long to complete, I often find myself tied and frozen as I can't decide what's most worthwhile to start first. I passionately want to complete all these projects, but my inspiration for each one waxes and wanes in a way I can't control, and I've just been stuck for several months. You juggle a lot of projects- not all of them art, but it still seems applicable here. This is excluding other life responsibilities like work and stuff, I don't have problems with getting that stuff done. This is purely within my creative hobby.

If u can't say anything thats fine I'm just curious- You have a massive output with great quality. Thank you!

This is a very kind message, and one that humbles me a lot, because although I'd love to bestow upon you some sort of advice that might help, or give words of wisdom..............I feel like that would be fake of me because

I also suffer from this very same thing

That is to say, this part of your message:

my inspiration for each one waxes and wanes in a way I can't control

It rings true for me too! I think it might ring true for many others as well.

There are stories in my head all the time. There are stories, and concepts, and IDEAS and they are all so shiny and new in the beginning, and then they slowly peter out and, since I frequently don't have time to do anything about them, they fade into the background.

I have enough trouble with this in terms of COMICS (also a lengthy medium, though less so than animation, which, OOF, you have my condolences, you are stronger than I) that I have started to just come to terms with the fact that some things are not meant to be.

Which is, I think, one of the small bits of advice I can give.

1. Some things may just be ideas, and that's okay.

I think one of the best ways that I've learned to deal with Idea-Death is making it count towards something in the future. That is to say, using them as compost.

In order for this to work, you have to actively put your ideas into the compost pin instead of the trash. That means maybe investing in either a notebook, or a sketchbook, OR just a discord server for yourself where you organize ideas and dump them all into a channel to scroll back through later.

It may seem useless at first, but honestly, it can be satisfying to PUT them somewhere instead of letting them fade away.

Plus, you may one day scroll through them and rediscover an idea at just the right time. OR you may be inspired to take parts of an old idea and repurpose it for a new idea that you DO have motivation for.

However, there's also this part, right?

I've just been stuck for several months

I.......feel this. Sometimes I, too, feel stuck for several months. There are times when even if I WANT to work on something, I just don't have the time. It takes too long to finish!

.........which is why I recommend the following:

2. Don't finish. Just start.

Now, this is the toughie. I can't exactly say that it would work for everyone. But I have learned that I am WAY more likely to return to a project and work on it again sometime in the future if I actually DO something for it the first time I get inspired.

I have SO MANY things that I have not published in my folders. I have sketches of gifs that are 10 frames long. I have concept art sketches boldly labeled with project names that will likely never get off the ground. I have Googledoc files with summary and plot outlines for stories I'll probably never write. I have discord channels with random ass concepts and a few sketches for characters.

And what I have found is that if I just WORK on these ideas when I feel like it, they are more likely to survive, even if they don't thrive right away.

I'm also a huge proponent of Procrastination Rotation.

That is to say, I have so many projects I COULD be working on, that if I ever feel frustrated or stuck on one thing, I just shift myself slightly to the left and do another thing instead. I almost never force myself to work through a block (save for a few money-motivated deadlines) just to complete a thing.

Stuck on a comic? I'll go write a few lines of fic. Unsatisfied with where the fic is going?

I'll go sketch out an illustration. Incapable of finishing an illustration?

I'll go google some references for another comic project and slap them all into an image file for later, so that I have SOMETHING in place for when I want to do studies.

And so on and so forth.

I have comic ideas, and comic sketches, and 30+ pages of original comics sketched. I don't know if they'll make it. It would take a lot of work.

But it also takes very little work - just a few extra pages sketched while I'm bored for an hour. Or a bit of lineart while I listen to a podcast. Or just a doodle somewhere which I snap a pic of and add to my discord channel for that project.

Will it work for everyone? Probably not. But I think that our creative culture is sometimes too attached to a linear production style. The truth is that art, or illustrations, or animation, or comics - none of it has to be on an assembly line. It can be tinkered with and put aside. And then, maybe, picked apart for scraps.........or maybe made into something new!

I don't know if that helps you at all, but I hope it at least helps someone.

And good luck with your animating!

[oviraptoridae]

research & development is ongoing

since using jukebox for sampling material on albedo, i've been increasingly interested in ethically using ai as a tool to incorporate more into my own artwork. recently i've been experimenting with "commoncanvas", a stable diffusion model trained entirely on works in the creative commons. though i do not believe legality and ethics are equivalent, this provides me peace of mind that all of the training data was used consensually through the terms of the creative commons license. here's the paper on it for those who are curious! shoutout to @reachartwork for the inspiration & her informative posts about her process!

part 1: overview

i usually post finished works, so today i want to go more in depth & document the process of experimentation with a new medium. this is going to be a long and image-heavy post, most of it will be under the cut & i'll do my best to keep all the image descriptions concise.

for a point of reference, here is a digital collage i made a few weeks ago for the album i just released (shameless self promo), using photos from wikimedia commons and a render of a 3d model i made in blender:

and here are two images i made with the help of common canvas (though i did a lot of editing and post-processing, more on that process in a future post):

more about my process & findings under the cut, so this post doesn't get too long:

quick note for my setup: i am running this model locally on my own machine (rtx 3060, ubuntu 23.10), using the automatic1111 web ui. if you are on the same version of ubuntu as i am, note that you will probably have to build python 3.10.6 yourself (and be sure to use 'make altinstall' instead of 'make install' and change the line in the webui to use 'python3.10' instead of 'python3'. just mentioning this here because nobody else i could find had this exact problem and i had to figure it out myself)

part 2: initial exploration

all the images i'll be showing here are the raw outputs of the prompts given, with no retouching/regenerating/etc.

so: commoncanvas has 2 different types of models, the "C" and "NC" models, trained on their database of works under the CC Commercial and Non-Commercial licenses, respectively (i think the NC dataset also includes the commercial license works, but i may be wrong). the NC model is larger, but both have their unique strengths:

"a cat on the computer", "C" model

"a cat on the computer", "NC" model

they both take the same amount of time to generate (17 seconds for four 512x512 images on my 3060). if you're really looking for that early ai jank, go for the commercial model. one thing i really like about commoncanvas is that it's really good at reproducing the styles of photography i find most artistically compelling: photos taken by scientists and amateurs. (the following images will be described in the captions to avoid redundancy):

"grainy deep-sea rover photo of an octopus", "NC" model. note the motion blur on the marine snow, greenish lighting and harsh shadows here, like you see in photos taken by those rover submarines that scientists use to take photos of deep sea creatures (and less like ocean photography done for purely artistic reasons, which usually has better lighting and looks cleaner). the anatomy sucks, but the lighting and environment is perfect.

"beige computer on messy desk", "NC" model. the reflection of the flash on the screen, the reddish-brown wood, and the awkward angle and framing are all reminiscent of a photo taken by a forum user with a cheap digital camera in 2007.

so the noncommercial model is great for vernacular and scientific photography. what's the commercial model good for?

"blue dragon sitting on a stone by a river", "C" model. it's good for bad CGI dragons. whenever i request dragons of the commercial model, i either get things that look like photographs of toys/statues, or i get gamecube type CGI, and i love it.

here are two little green freaks i got while trying to refine a prompt to generate my fursona. (i never succeeded, and i forget the exact prompt i used). these look like spore creations and the background looks like a bryce render. i really don't know why there's so much bad cgi in the datasets and why the model loves going for cgi specifically for dragons, but it got me thinking...

"hollow tree in a magical forest, video game screenshot", "C" model

"knights in a dungeon, video game screenshot", "C" model

i love the dreamlike video game environments and strange CGI characters it produces-- it hits that specific era of video games that i grew up with super well.

part 3: use cases

if you've seen any of the visual art i've done to accompany my music projects, you know that i love making digital collages of surreal landscapes:

(this post is getting image heavy so i'll wrap up soon)

i'm interested in using this technology more, not as a replacement for my digital collage art, but along with it as just another tool in my toolbox. and of course...

... this isn't out of lack of skill to imagine or draw scifi/fantasy landscapes.

thank you for reading such a long post! i hope you got something out of this post; i think it's a good look into the "experimentation phase" of getting into a new medium. i'm not going into my post-processing / GIMP stuff in this post because it's already so long, but let me know if you want another post going into that!

good-faith discussion and questions are encouraged but i will disable comments if you don't behave yourselves. be kind to each other and keep it P.L.U.R.

[mechdyke]

Rodimus X human!Reader - One-on-one time

WARNINGS: WATERSPORTS, under-negotiated kink, very mild non-con if you squint, AFAB reader but no gendered pronouns

Note: I'm imagining the reader to be about the size of a large doll. about 35cm/14” if compared to a human? That's how big the porcelain doll I used to work out positioning is lol

this is... the first fanfic ive finished and posted in probably close to 7 years. and its piss. its just lovingly written piss. whatever man. if anyone has any advice or notes pls lmk! i still feel like its a bit poorly written and awkward.

Getting the lap dog treatment from Rodimus was something you were used to by now. Your soft body being held tightly against hard abdominal plating, digits caressing your head and patting your hair, toying gently with soft strands in an affectionate way. Could it get uncomfortable? Sure. But the gentle rumbling of an engine and the slight warmth of metal armour up against your back was surprisingly comforting, despite the lack of padding.

After a good couple of hours of sitting in his lap, the familiar feeling of the need to pee started to build up in your abdomen. The tickling sensation coupled with the way Rodimus' servo was gently pressing against your stomach was already becoming a bit too much to handle. You took in a breath, trying to calm your body as much as possible before you spoke up. "Hey, Rodimus? Gonna need you to let me up real quick." You spoke as calmly as possible, trying not to alert him to your growing discomfort.

"Huh? What? Why? I thought we had something good going here. Just you and me, havin' a lil one on one time." Rodimus joked, squeezing you just a little more firmly against him. You sucked in a breath at the pressure, his servo pressing right against your bladder. You needed to get up ASAP.

"Roddy as much as I love you and your attempts at humour..." You smiled as casually as you could, feeling your crotch tingle ever so slightly, "I'm serious, I really gotta head to the bathroom." You looked up into his optics, meeting his gaze. He paused for a minute, his digits going still against you. The datapad he was trying, and failing miserably, at reading through nearly fell from his servo. You swore you could see his spoiler wings twitch, his vents cycling just a little warmer.

"Uh-huh! Just gimme a bit and I'll carry ya to the washracks. Really gotta finish reading and signing this or Ultra Magnus will get on my aft again." Rodimus finally replied after an awkward moment of silence, his voice slightly strained. You sighed, and relented quickly with a nod. The quicker you agreed, the quicker he'd finish doing his thing. Plus, at this point, the long trek to the washracks might be your downfall. And you really didn't wanna wet yourself on the way there. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on anything but the feeling of needing to pee. The sound of Rodimus' digits tapping at the datapad. The thud of bots walking through distant corridors. The slight smell of gasoline and burnt rubber. The feeling of his servo pressing-

"Can't you finish when we get back? I'll only be a couple of minutes- or uh- kliks I promise." You huffed desperately, your voice uncharacteristically shaky. Your thighs were squeezing together, and you were squirming even more. If his servo wasn't wrapped around you you'd have run off by now. You lean your head back against him, breathing rather heavily. He glances down at your flushed face, small organic body squirming against his large metal frame, and the look of pure desperation on your face. His fans click on.

You feel your cheeks heat up slightly at the sound. "Rodimus...?" Your need to pee is almost entirely forgotten for a moment as you stare up into his optics. A moment passes where you're both silent. "Rodimus are you getting off on this?" You ask rather bluntly, eyes not leaving his optics. Energon rushes to his cheeks, and he scoffs in denial.

"What? Of course not! Who'd get all charged up to the idea of a cute little squishy organic sitting on their lap, squirming against their panel and making cute little whimpers? Not me. That's for sure." Rodimus scoffs again, flush deepening as he realises he's just dug himself into an even deeper hole. An embarrassed staticky noise escapes his vocaliser, and he squeezes you around the abdomen again, unconsciously. "Alright fine, maybe. Don't be mad?" He sighs, scratching the back of his helm.

"Look, I'm not mad but-" You snap back to the reality of the situation as your crotch throbs almost painfully, his servo pressing against you reminding you of the heavy feeling in your bladder. You let out a groan, resting your head against his abdominal plating. "I'm going to piss myself if you keep pressing against me like that..." You mumble, arousal pooling in your lower stomach. You grind against him slightly in a mix of desperation and arousal. Rodimus' fans start spinning even faster, the warmth of his plating almost hot enough to burn your skin. He has to manually override a command to open his panel, the arousal starting to cloud his processor.

"Let me... help you with that..." Are the next words that escape Rodimus' voice box. Before you can ask what he means, a large metal hand is caressing your crotch gently, curiously. Your mind is slightly hazy, the tension thick in the air. You don't respond verbally, instead fumbling with the button to your pants and pulling them off with a slight struggle. Your underwear were damp, the slightest tinge of ammonia hitting his olfactory sensors. He dismissed another command prompt.

Digits trace against your covered crotch before pulling your underwear down, your breath hitching in your throat. Rodimus picks you up, resting you against his chassis. He pulls a thick polishing cloth from his subspace, folding it and placing it into his palm, before gently placing you on top of it, leaning you back against his digits. You fit surprisingly comfortably into his servo, legs dangling off the side of his palm. "Alright uh... you can just... void onto this cloth." His voice was strained, his internal fans whirring, his engine rumbling and his vents pouring hot air into the already warm room.

"I can't go when you're watching..." You mumble in embarrassment, face burning up. The cloth is soft against you, his frame warm and comfortingly familiar.

"Yes you can, sweetspark..." Rodimus rumbles comfortingly, free servo gently running through your hair. Your face is flushed with humiliation, you breath coming out as ragged pants. It burns and throbs, and you can feel a fluttering, tingly sensation blooming from your urethra, enveloping your entire crotch. One of his digits gently rubs at your folds, toying with your clit ever so gently to help you relax. He increases the pressure on your stomach slightly to encourage you, and you let go with a whimper.

It starts off slow, a gentle trickle into the cloth. Rodimus presses it against you slightly, making sure to soak up as much as possible. His thumb continues gently rubbing circles around your clit, cloth nestled in his palm. You can't hold back your noises, small moans and whimpers filling his audials. The sound of pressurising hydraulics can be heard as he lifts you slightly closer to his faceplate, optics flickering slightly as he watches. You're getting embarrassingly close already, panting and twitching in his servo. The cloth is almost entirely soaked, the once soft white fabric now tinted yellow. The feeling of emptying your bladder coupled with the pressure on your clit has you finishing quicker than you've ever finished before. Your back arches slightly, and with a soft moan of his name you're cumming against his servo.

Rodimus sucks in a heavy ex-vent, his free servo moving slightly faster. You didn't even notice he was touching himself until now. His helm hangs back as he overloads, sticky pink transfluids splattering across his desk and onto the forgotten datapad. You're panting as you lay back slightly in his palm, sticky, sweaty and absolutely spent. You both take a moment to rest before he pulls out another cloth from his subspace. He shoves the soiled one into his desk drawer, slowly wiping and cleaning you up with the new one. You hum in appreciation, squirming slightly at the overstimulating feeling of soft fabric against your sensitive folds. He quickly cleans himself up, his panel sliding closed with a click, and softly places you back down in his lap. His engine purrs softly, and you sigh contently. "Hey Rodimus?" He hums in response to your words, looking down at you with clear blue optics. "Next time you want me to piss on you, can you just ask?" You laugh softly. His faceplate heats up again and he bursts into his own laugh, rolling his optics and poking you in the side slightly.

"You ask so much of me." He sighs dramatically, shaking his helm. He reaches down to gently stroke your hair as you slowly start to doze off. His cheeks heat up again, energon rushing to his faceplate. "...wait... next time?”

[joelswritingmistress]

Neighbors with Benefits: Part 5 (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Part of the #hotdilfsummerchallenge @hellishjoel

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Words: About 5000

"Your, uh, your parents left a few minutes ago," Joel informed you as you finished drying off and getting dressed. "Two separate cars. You should be safe to sneak back over unnoticed." A smile formed on his face.

"Thanks." You scrunched your nose, "I feel like I’m on, like, James Bond or something... sneaking around."

He snickered again and tossed on a t-shirt over a pair of jeans. "Well... thanks for keeping me fuckin' company."

"Yeah." You nodded, feeling that sinking feeling again from the uncertainty of the whole situation. It was a weight that was already beginning to weigh on you. Now that you'd spent a night sleeping next to him the feeling was magnified.

"You okay?"

You forced a smile, trying to focus on the amazing aspects of the night together rather than the depressing what-ifs that plagued your mind. "Yeah. I'm good."

Joel looked you up for a second and then waved you down the hall. You followed him into the kitchen where he began rummaging through a drawer filled with miscellaneous coupons, writing utensils, and post-it notes. He ripped a yellow post-it from the top of a short stack of them and then scribbled seven digits with a black sharpie and handed it to you.

"I know this is kind of the old- fashioned way to give someone your phone number," he went on, handing it over, "But, shit, I'm old."

You felt the butterflies again - a surge of positive vibes that overtook your worries as you accepted his number. "You're not that old."

Joel smiled. "Send me a text or something so I have your number too.”

“Okay.” You couldn’t contain a wide grin.

“Just maybe… make sure your parents don’t see that someone named Joel is sending you messages.”

You nodded. “Got it.” You pointed over your shoulder toward the back door with your thumb. "I'll, um... I'll see you later."

He nodded and followed you to the door as you began to head that way. When you turned the knob and pulled it open, Joel pressed his hand against it and closed it again.

You turned, staring up at him and Joel opened his mouth to speak, though nothing came out.

"I, uh..." He cleared his throat and paused for another several seconds. "I get out of work around three."

You wanted to smile, and inside your heart was doing backflips; but you were too overwhelmed by the look on his face and his unwillingness to let you leave to show it.

"Okay," you said simply. When he didn't speak you continued. "My parents usually aren't out of work until about five, so..." you snickered, "I could probably easily get back over here.”

"You could always sleep over at your friend's house again." Joel tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smile, making you grin wider.

"They may send a search party." You took it upon yourself to bring your lips back to his, watching for a second as Joel's eyes closed firmly before closing yours.

He pulled you tightly against him, leaving the other hand against the door and kissed you harder before reluctantly letting you go. "I gotta go to work." Joel brought his lips back to yours once more, and you found yourself craving him again. When your hands tightened around the fabric of his shirt he cursed against your mouth. "Fuck."

"Do you think..." you breathed, "Do you think Holly would care if I slept over a second night?"

Joel finally managed a full grin, continuing to alternate between playfully making out with you and having a conversation. "I don't think she'll mind."

You kissed him again, playing into the raw aggression he attempted to control. You could see it in his strained jaw and closed eyes.

"I hadn't fucked in a while before I met you the other day." He reached down, adjusting himself and moved away to regain some control. Joel kept his eyes closed again and tried to think of anything else.

You knew you had been indulging in your own pleasures far too much and decided to take a moment to be fair to him. As bad as you wanted to cross back into his personal space and take control of the situation, you refrained, noting he was trying to contain himself.

"I'll call you," you told him.

Joel opened his eyes and looked you up and down before nodding. A smile finally crossed his face again and he laughed at himself. "I should have just taken a damn sick day."

You giggled and shrugged, this time opening the back door fully. "I'll go home before you change your mind."

He let out a deep breath and watched you for a moment. "Keep that bag packed."

"I will." You smiled at him and looked around the house once more before opening the screen door. "See ya later."

Joel swallowed hard and nodded, watching as you exited his home.

The feelings and the energy that had swept over Joel made him feel like a new man each time he saw you. He wasn't used to any of it - the attraction, the sex and, perhaps most importantly, the way you looked at him like he was the only man in the world. All of that had been just a speck in his marriage, even early on. Joel recognized how intense the connection was and it had begun to leave him fantasizing about you long after you’d parted.

He crossed the kitchen and glanced out a window, watching as you pulled open the back door to your home. You gave a final look in his direction before heading inside and Joel turned away from the window, bracing himself against the kitchen table.

What the fuck is wrong with me? He couldn't deny that there was a touch of ‘wrong’ in fucking his neighbor’s twenty-three year old daughter; but also acknowledged that he hadn’t felt this alive and wanted in years - maybe all of his life. Joel closed his eyes and drew a hand across his beard. For a moment he just stood there in the empty house, letting his thoughts wander in rapid-fire fashion.

"Shit." He said the word quietly to himself and glanced at the clock. With fifteen minutes to spare he decided to try to make the feeling go away temporarily and walked down the hallway toward the bathroom.

Steam still lingered on the mirror and when he saw his lone reflection he immediately missed having you there looking back at him in the mirror.

I need a cold shower.

With that, he stripped his closed back off and turned the shower on. He shivered as he stepped in, purposely leaving the water cold and closed his eyes, teeth chattering, as he stood directly under the icy flow of water. Joel wrapped his arms around himself and was able to focus on the uncomfortable sting from the shower rather than the one that burned inside of him. He stood there enduring it until the top of his head felt nearly numb. Joel turned the handle hard, creating a loud thump as it clicked back into place and the faucet turned off.

Again, he took a deep breath and still shivered there alone for a moment before ripping back the curtain so he came face to face with himself again in the mirror. Joel took in his shivering body, his desperate eyes and chattering teeth. In that moment he felt he looked more like a scared child than the strong man he viewed himself as.

He shook his head again. What the fuck am I letting this woman do to me?

The rest of the morning was long, and Joel had a difficult time focusing at work. The clock felt like it was stuck on the same number for hours on end and multiple times his co-workers had called him out on spacing out as they worked together to re-wire the electrical system in a building that was being restored.

"Joel, what in the hell do you keep looking at that damn phone for?" Tommy, Joel’s brother, approached him, prompting Joel to immediately shove the phone back into his jeans pocket. He took off his hard hat and wiped sweat from his forehead.

Joel searched his mind for a lie but he had nothing, "I’m just waiting to hear back from someone… about something."

"You ain’t dying, brother, are you?" He laughed and Joel managed a chuckle.

"Nah. It’s nothing." Joel's smile faded a bit and he placed the hand on his pocket where the phone sat.

"Seems like something to me," Tommy went on, "I've never seen you so glued to that thing."

Before he could answer, the boss on their job site called out to everyone from a megaphone. “Today’s meeting is mandatory. We’re going over the blueprints for a big job that’s starting August 1st. Unless I watch you throw up, you’ll be there.”

“He’s a ray of fuckin’ sunshine,” Tommy remarked.

"Meeting." Joel nodded to himself and removed his own hard hat, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “Shit.”

"Yeah," Tommy said matter-of-factly, "You know, the shit the boss has been talking about for two weeks.”

"Yeah." He nodded, “I forgot about it.”

"Everything alright?" Tommy asked again, "Are you fuckin' hungover or something? You haven’t been overdoing it with the drinking since you and your wife split up, have you?”

"I'm fucking fine Tommy." Joel stopped abruptly and stared at his brother sternly. He thought he felt his phone go off and so he reached into the pocket of his pants again. When he found the screen viewing nothing but the time he almost cursed aloud and jammed the phone back into his pocket. When he glanced back up Tommy was staring at him. "Yeah, I know. I checked my fucking phone."

A few of the other guys glanced over and Tommy grabbed Joel by the arm, towing him to the side.

"I got you this job," Tommy scolded him, "It makes me look bad if you fuck up.”

"Stop giving me shit." He began to walk away but Tommy put a hand on his chest and Joel glared at him.

“Look, Joel. You’ve taken care of me my whole life and this is the one thing I helped you out with.”

“I’m having an off day,” Joel began but Tommy cut him off again.

“No, you haven’t been yourself in months since your lady left you.”

“You really want to go there right now?”

“I’m sorry.” He backed off. “I shouldn’t have said that, but… for me. Please. I like working with you and-”

“Fine.” Joel grumbled.

"Okay.” Tommy nodded and sensed Joel was itching to check his phone again. “But brother to brother, whatever the hell this is." He pointed toward his pocket and then directly at Joel, "Fix it.”

...

You finally decided you would text Joel when eleven o'clock rolled around. You didn't want to seem overly desperate by texting him too soon, nor did you want to interfere with the beginning of his day. Lunch time, you suspected, would be a good time to contact him.

You read the message in your mind as you typed, plopping down in the center of your bed as you did. Hey, it's me... I hope your day isn't going as hard as your morning. You squinted your eyes, not knowing if the message was too corny or forward. You hesitated a moment before finally hitting the send button. Talking dirty and using innuendos wasn't exactly your strong suit.

A loud sigh left your mouth and you rolled onto your back. Having the house to yourself and no work to do was something that very rarely happened - and something you would have typically welcomed. Now, it provided you with far too much time to daydream about Joel and all of the possibilities that went along with his abrupt, dramatic entrance into your life.

You glanced down at your phone, noting the minute hadn't rolled over yet. Still, you already felt self-conscious in the fact that he didn't immediately text your back.

It's been twenty seconds, you reminded herself.

The television played mindlessly across the room and You attempted to put your focus into a rerun of Law & Order with little success. Your eyes dropped to the phone again, this time at the exact second that the time switched from 11:00 to 11:01. It was almost like the device was taunting you; sticking out its tongue and willing you to believe that he, for some reason, ignored the message.

That was when the downward spiral of thoughts occurred in a perfect, timely fashion: Maybe he's annoyed at me for waiting so long. Maybe he's playing hard to get. Maybe he's in the middle of something important. Maybe a co-worker saw the message and now he has to explain it. Maybe he's losing interest. Maybe-

The phone sounded off providing the instant remedy to every worrisome question, and you snatched the phone up into your hands. A smile decorated your face as you read his reply. Warm relief spread into your body from his prompt response.

Jesus honey... I was starting to think my phone was broken.

Your thumbs pounded furiously at the screen as you typed out another message, smirking to yourself as you did. Didn't mean to keep you waiting!

You were completely smitten with the brewing affair and glanced out the window toward his house. You found herself counting down the minutes until three o'clock, or a little after, when you would see his truck roll back into the driveway. Your phone chimed again almost immediately this time and you glanced down to read it.

I forgot I had mandatory meeting until about 5:30 tonight... so I may be the one to keep you waiting... you have my mind clouded. I almost forgot about it.

You felt the simultaneous pull of emotions now that Joel wouldn't be home until later. Still, you felt satisfaction in the idea that you could distract him. It made the butterflies return to your stomach.

Sorry! :) Hope the meeting goes well... I have to find a way to sneak over now that my parents will be home... hmm...

The predicament was real. You weren’t sure how you would manage getting over to Joel's house without them realizing where you were going. You couldn't drive your car - they would see it in his driveway. You couldn't claim that someone was picking you up - they would see that no one was there to get you. Including Holly in the plan would let one more person in on the little secret you and Joel shared - even though you were absolutely dying to.

"Shit..." You thought about it, distracted momentarily by nothing but bad ideas that you knew wouldn't work. A part of you wished you had a key to his house so you could get over there early and greet him in your best bra and panties at the door.

Yeah, right. You knew you didn’t have the balls to do that, anyway.

When the phone sounded off again you felt instantly intrigued. I'll take care of it... don't even fuckin' sweat it.

You closed your eyes and envisioned Joel in his entirety - the feel of his trim beard against your face as you kissed; his breaths as they landed against your neck; the sounds he made at the height of his arousal in the midst of your embrace.

The collection of thoughts made you feel hot and cold; anxious and excited; and nervous but ready all at once. Joel had completely clouded your mind to the extent that you had no room for anything else.

I wonder what he has in mind.

After a long day and some on-and-off texting, Joel’s messages went cold around three o'clock, and you knew it was because of his meeting. However, when eight o'clock you felt anxiety creeping in. As crazy as it felt, you knew you couldn't be stuck in your bedroom staring at Joel's house all night.You had to see him.

The last message on your phone had come nearly a half an hour before. He informed you he was about to shower and of course that felt like a tease. It was enough for you to feel just a bit secure, though with each passing minute you wondered when he would jumpstart the evening.

Your attention was drawn for a moment to the television when a reporter came on about an incident somewhere across the country. A short video clip showed some type of creature in pursuit of two police officers defending civilians. When they all disappeared out of the range of the camera, the sound of gunshots sounded off before the news cut back to the reporter.

"We were informed earlier that the attacker was said to be high on the drug PCP, which would explain the loss of motor skills and aggressive behavior."

Your interest piqued for a moment and you tried to rewind the television to see what the thing looked like. It was dark and brief but you still couldn’t tell what exactly was happening. When your phone chimed your eyes urgently left the television and you smiled to see Joel's name on your phone screen. All he typed was: Ready?

You giggled and nodded as you typed, saying the word out loud, "Always."

A sigh left your mouth and you glanced in the mirror, fluffing out your hair a bit. You looked down at your attire - a pair of girlie boxer shorts from Victoria's Secret and sports bra.

Time to change, you thought with a grin.

The phone went off again and this time when you glanced down you continued to smile but now your curiosity piqued even more. you imagined Joel saying the words aloud that he typed: Go down into the living room. Make sure your parents are there. Text me when you get there.

All of it was so cryptic, and made the uncertainties all the more fun. It was like a big game of cat and mouse. You felt like a kid ready to go to your favorite amusement park, though you didn't know how you would get there - or which ride would be first.

Without another thought you flung open your door and rushed down the stairs, immediately catching the attention of your mom who was already there with the television on. Your father was fully reclined in what he referred to as his 'comfy chair' and was snoring away.

"Hey honey." Your mother greeted you with a smile.

"Hi." You smiled and fiddled with your phone nonchalantly, responding to Joel with a simple, I'm down here. What now?

"Holly?"

Your head snapped up and your face grew a shade darker. "Yeah," you lied.

"Your dad kind of conked out on me," your mother motioned to him in the chair, "We're supposed to be watching Survivor."

"That's still on?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course. It's one of the best shows on television."

"If you say so." You chuckled and looked down when your phone went off again.

Stay there.

"You kids and your phones."

"Hey, you're getting hooked now that you have a smartphone, too." You eyed your mother, who managed a chuckle and yawned. When a commercial came on she rose to her feet, prompting you to head in her direction. "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen,” she said, staring at you as if you were crazy.

You glanced at your phone again and you bit down on your bottom lip. You weren't sure what Joel was up to but you wanted to obey his requests to stay put in the living room. "Well... why?"

Your mother laughed this time, "To get a bottle of water. Is that okay with you?"

"I'll get it," you offered.

"Are you hiding booze in there or something?"

You laughed, "Hiding? Mom, I'll be twenty-four in a few months. I'm going to be a big-time detective soon." You raised your eyebrows, "I don't need permission to have a drink anymore."

"You do in this house." Your father joked, seemingly springing to life. He grinned well before he opened his eyes as he teamed up with your mother in an effort to tease you.

“I'm not hiding “booze”. I was just coming down to say goodnight.” You crossed the room and kissed your mother on the cheek and then did the same to your father, who already looked like he was about to fall back asleep.

Your mother shrugged, "Well, alright." she glanced at her husband, "You must take after your father because I could stay up until midnight sometimes."

She laughed and you exchanged a hug, pleased that your phone had gone off again as you did. "Good night Mom."

"Good night." You exchanged a smile before glancing back at your phone for what felt like the fiftieth time.

All set honey. You can go back upstairs.

You didn't understand but you were already on your way to the second floor.

So... what's the plan? How will this work tonight?

You sighed, hurrying back to your room with all the intentions of changing into something you felt was more appropriate and much sexier than your typical bedtime attire. When you pushed the door open you screamed and immediately put your hand over your mouth, muffling a laugh just after.

Joel stood in between your open window and your bed. His face twisted into a smirk though he raised his eyebrows when he heard your mother shout up the stairs.

"What happened?" The television muted, "(Y/N)!”

Your mouth hung open and you quickly exited your room when you heard your mother's footsteps approaching the stairs. "I'm fine!" you shouted.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Why did you scream?" Your mother's footsteps were thudding up the stairs now and panic set in in your chest.

"Mom, I'm fine," you insisted, meeting her a step out of the partially open bedroom door. Your heart was thudding in your chest as your mother looked at you skeptically, waiting for your question to be answered. "I... there was a spider. It was... on my door handle and I touched it when I opened my door."

"Yikes. Where did it go?"

"I don't know."

You prayed your mother wouldn't try to enter your bedroom as your eyes began to scan the hardwood floors of the hallway.

"Mom, it's fine," you insisted, "I think I squished it when I opened the door.

"I hate knowing there's a spider in here."

"It was tiny," you insisted, strategically placing your body in between your mother and your room. The only way you could have kept your mother out would have been to push her away, and you didn't have the heart to do something like that. With a deep breath the two of you entered the room.

Joel was nowhere to be seen and your eyes frantically scanned the area while your mother's scanned the floor.

"Mom, I'm fine... really." You were panicking now as you had no idea where Joel had gone. "Please. It's dead. It was smaller than a dime." You took a deep breath, "They're going to vote someone off the island and you're going to miss it."

Finally, your mom let up a bit in her pursuit and stood with her hands on her hips as if she'd just completed some grand mission. "Well... kill it if you see it. You know I hate those things."

"I will." You were practically stiff-arming her out of the room, though you softened up your tone. "I love you, Mom. Thanks for spider hunting for me."

She smiled, "Good night honey."

You watched for a moment, making sure your mother had retreated back to the first floor before closing the door to your bedroom and locking it. For several seconds you stood in silence, glancing around and only able to hear the sound of your thudding heart. When Joel slowly crept up from the floor in between the bed and the wall where the window was, you put your hand on your chest and let out a deep breath.

"Well, I didn’t expect you to scream like that." Joel grinned wide, speaking quietly.

"How did you get in here?" You laughed, whispering the question to him. You were so infatuated by every little thing he did.

Joel nodded toward the window before kicking off his shoes and making himself at home in the center of your bed. "It's been awhile since I've scaled a house to sneak into a girl's bedroom."

"Is that a habit of yours?"

He chuckled, "Sounded a little fuckin' creepy now that I think of it. But, no... not since I was in high school."

You bit down on your bottom lip and crossed the room, leaning a knee on the bed next to him. "You scaled the house?"

Joel smiled wider, "Being a little bad feels pretty good, doesn't it?"

You responded by swinging one leg across his body and straddling him on the bed before bringing your lips down to meet his.

He kissed you for a few seconds before latching his fingers beneath the band of your shorts. "Do you sleep in these?"

A day ago you would have felt self-conscious, though now you could tell he was being flirtatious. "Sometimes..." you kissed him a little harder, "And sometimes nothing at all."

"Mmm..." Joel smiled as you kissed again.

"So... are we going to your place?"

He smiled, "How the hell are we going to do that, honey?"

You shrugged your shoulders.

Joel drew a hand up to your face and twirled a strand of hair in his fingers, unable to keep himself from grinning. "We're staying right here." He laughed, "What’d you think when your mom burst in here?”

"I felt like I was going to be sick."

"How do you feel now?" He reached for your hand and held it in his own, smirking when he saw you were shaking from all the nerves. "You're used to doing the right thing all the time, aren't you?"

"No, I-"

"I like that." Joel smiled wider and kissed you again. "But you are certainly pushing your limits with me." His hand snaked up your back and he began to urge you out of the sports bra you had on until you laid topless on top of him.

"It feels good to push the limits," you told him, closing your eyes as he began kissing your neck and cupping your breast with one of his hands.

"Only one way we're going to get caught messing around in here tonight," he whispered against your neck.

"What's that?" You arched your head back and moaned lightly.

Joel laughed and laid his head back down flat on the pillow. "If you can't be quiet."

"No promises," you teased, purposely pushing back so he could view your upper body in its entirety.

"Mmm..." he hummed. "Well, if I'm too much for you," Joel reached for a second pillow next to where he laid, "Just moan into this."

CLICK HERE FOR PART 6

@pedropascal111 @axshadows @mybritishstyle @untamedheart81 @amyispxnk @goodvibesonly421

[poithead51]

why do you hate media so much?

matt poitras x fem!socialteam!reader

-

hi y’all this is my first EVER fic so please be nice as i’m starting this new journey. just a lil story based off of a dream i had LMAO

word count: 2.7k

warnings: none, some cursing. just some good old pining with our mp51. reader is 21!

-

“This is where your office will be for the time being. Why don't you put your things down and get comfortable, and l'll come get you in a few. I'll take you to meet Don, Cam, Jim, and the boys."

She nodded and smiled at her new boss, putting her bag down on the chair of her new, albeit small, office. It was probably 10×10ft, but it overlooked the city of Boston in the way she'd always dreamed of. She finally made it - got a position working in media for her childhood, hometown team - the Boston Bruins.

As she paced around the room, all she could do was smile to herself, anxiously awaiting her boss, Angelica, to come retrieve her so she could meet the team.

Boston born and raised, she had always been a hockey fan - specifically a Bruins fan. Brad Marchand's name and jersey number were her laptop password far before he wore the C' on his chest. Jack Edwards' voice was both familiar and nostalgic, as it echoed around her childhood home in the fall, with family crowded up around the TV set watching their B's.

"Y/N, are you ready?" Angelica's voice broke her away from her memories. She grinned as Angelica motioned for her to follow down out of her office and into the Garden. She looked around in disbelief - all of her hard work truly paid off to get here, especially at only 21 years old.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Sweeney and Mr. Neely are in an important meeting at the moment. l've made them aware that you are here and ready to start working. We'll go meet Monty and the team now, if that's alright. You can get right on with your first task, the hometown video I mentioned. That's a short and easy one that they'll love to do, and it'll help them get to know you and vice versa. Alright?" Angelica smiled.

"Sounds great." she replied kindly, trailing behind Angelica slowly, as she glanced around the path on the way to the locker room. Her hands started to sweat as they got closer to the door, knowing that Brad Marchand was back there. The other guys too, but mostly Brad.

Angelica knocked on the door before turning to her new hire. *Here goes nothing!" she smiled.

Montgomery comes to the door, a small grin lacing his normally stern face. Angelica speaks again. "This is Y/N, our newest media hire. She hails from Boston University. She gestures to her side proudly, as Y/N offers her hand for Monty to shake. "Mind if we come in and get her started?"

Montgomery laughs. “Sure thing. God knows they're tired of me laying into 'em." He holds the door open for the ladies and clears his throat.

"Gentlemen, we have visitors." His voice booms through the space as he leads the media team to the space the team is sitting.

Y/N glances around. Holy shit. That's him. That's Brad Marchand. And Charlie McAvoy. And David Pastrnak. And Charlie Coyle.

She pinches her own hand to remind herself that this is real life.

Angelica clears her throat to speak. “Hi everyone!You all know me, from the marketing and media team. I wanted to introduce to you our newest member of the media group, who will be working closely with you all as a creator for our social accounts and website. Please give Y/N a warm Bruins welcome."

The team smiles, claps, and Carlo lets out a whoop. Of course he did, she thinks to herself, recalling all of the silly videos of Brandon she's seen over the years on the Bruins pages.

Angelica gestures silently over to her new hire, prompting her to introduce herself. "Hi guys, my name is Y/N and I am so excited to be here. I'm a hometown fan hailing from BU," she is interrupted by a whoop now from McAvoy.

She laughs before continuing. “I'm 21, and just finished my degree in digital marketing a year early. I'II be around you all for the time being creating content for our pages like Angelica said, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you all. Especially you, Marchy!" she giggles, as laughs, cheers, and boos are heard around the room.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watches a slightly unfamiliar face shove Frederic's side with a puss on his face, as Freddy laughs at him. She narrowed her eyes. Who is that?

Monty notices her confusion and steps in. “Alright boys. Does anyone have any questions for Y/N before I let her take over to do her job, since half of you can't do yours?" He scoffs.

Trent starts to speak loudly, as the one next to him lowers his head. "Potsy wants to know-"

“I don't think Y/N, Angelica, or myself want to answer whatever question is going to follow that, Trent.” Monty interjects. “You're dismissed for the day. Practice at Warrior tomorrow at noon, optional skate at 10:30. Do the media and go home." He rolls his eyes, grabs his suit jacket and leaves the room with Angelica, who slips a thumbs up to her new hire.

The room goes silent, with everyone turning to look at their new media girl. She waves timidly before starting to speak. “Alright guys - just an easy one for me today, no hassle. All you have to do is tell me where you come from! What's your hometown. Bonus points for country, state, province, whatever." She smiles. "Anyone want to go first?"

Zadorov jumps out of his seat. "I've been waiting for something like this! I finally can explain my accent." he grumbles as laughs break out throughout the room.

"Alright!" she replies. *This is not mandatory this first go around, but I'd really love it if everyone would participate. I'd love to get to know you and vice versa. You ready Nikita?"

"She knows my name!!!" Zadorov exclaimed, met with cheers and gloves being thrown at him from various spots around the room as the team begins to clean up. As their new media girl turns to leave the room, she makes eye contact with the same player she watched shove Frederic not too long ago. She smiles at him kindly, and he quickly turns around and grabs his things.

She reads the back of his jersey.

51. Poitras.

Oh... The rookie. He's back from injured reserve, she presumes, trying to not read into how quickly he dodged her eye contact and smile.

For the next hour and a half or so, she learns Zadorov hails from Moscow, Swayman from Anchorage, Frederic from St. Louis, and Marchy from Halifax, Nova Scotia. She pretended she didn't know that one already.

She speaks one-on-one with the majority of the team, with the soft spoken folks like Zacha and Peeke slipping out after bidding her a goodbye and brief thank you.

51 never said anything.

She watched as Poitras, who's first name escaped her, waited for Lohrei and Frederic to be done with their quick interviews, and immediately ushered them out of the room upon completion.

No words spoken to the media girl or either of the players, just frantic hurrying out of the locker room.

The whole situation just seemed strange. She tried to rationalize her thoughts, acknowledging that this random rookie didn't know her, and had no reason to dislike her. Maybe he had something going on. A party or shoot to get to, a dinner reservation, or maybe just didn't feel well and wanted to go home and play Xbox or something.

It wasn't her fault. Not on day one.

-

By day 45, it definitely started to feel like her fault.

51, or Matt as she now knows, continued to dodge her constantly - around the office, around the rink, even on his way in and out of the locker rooms. Matt had not done content for media in her entire month and a half long duration with the Bruins. It started to feel personal.

Luckily, she had finally found a rapport with the majority of the team. Marchy, her childhood favorite, became a confidant, always wanting to partake in anything to give him attention. She got a few lip sync videos out of him. Zadorov another she grew close to. But unshockingly, no one came close to touching her relationship with Brandon Carlo. Though truly not that much her senior, Brandon became an older brother figure to her, frequently partaking in her content, chatting with her, and inviting her out with him, his wife Mayson, and their kids.

She had grown so fond of her Bruins family, and it showed in her content. Her silly interviews had started to do numbers on Instagram and TikTok. The Bruins presence on social media skyrocketed, and she began to receive tasks from her bosses to include as many players as possible.

Her newest task? Intro to the new guys.

Of fucking course.

She started with Lohrei. He was the easiest - just wanted to do what he knew he had to and get back to the ice. She liked that about him. Being the same age, they had a similar respect for each other. And sent each other TikToks on occasion.

After Beecher, Koepke, Jones, Zadi, and Lindy #2, Kastelic was next - though not new to the league, only the B's. Though she knew he was from Arizona and is a former Ottawa Senator, she learned Kasty is an NHL nepo baby.

“Y/N... You can't start calling me nepo baby.. it's not like l'm a Tkachuk." Mark rolled his eyes, the girl laughing in response, clutching her abdomen.

"Kasty, as far as l'm concerned, you might as well be the lost third brother. You're just as much of a rat!"

"Oh... That's low..." he cackled.

"Whatever. Get outta here, and send the next guy in!" she called.

"Will do!" Kasty replied diligently, turning on his heels to go out into the hall. She knew Matt was next. He was the only new guy' left. Being a fan favorite, she knew he needed to be in this video series.

What is taking so long??

She crossed her arms and tapped her feet anxiously, waiting for Poitras to come into the interview room.

“Dude, you actually need to grow up. This is part of the job." She hears Mark's voice through the wall. Her stomach sinks. Is he talking to Matt?

She approaches the door, leaning her ear up against it. "Do you really think this does you any favors? You're such a kid. This isn't the minors, Matt." Kasty's voice booms nastily.

She feels the tears well up in her eyes. She had the feeling that Matt didn't like her, but to fight with a teammate over having to be in an interview video? Was she really that bad at her job?

She walks away from the wall when she hears scrambling on the other side. She wipes her tears as Mark comes back into the room, the one and only Matt Poitras trailing behind him. Kastelic rolls his eyes. "Matt hates media, sorry. He needs to be out as soon as possible or he'll start to freak out." Mark leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Matt sighs, running his hand through his hair.

"Sorry, Y/N. Can we just get this over with?" he says, uneasiness audible in his voice.

She takes a deep breath as she turns her camera back on. "Sure thing, Matt. Why don't you tell me a little about your life growing up?"

-

A few days later, she aggressively flops down onto the carlo family couch. "Brandon, I have a genuine question."

Brandon cocks his eyebrow, bringing dinner over to Y/N and Mayson. "This can't be good." he chuckles.

She throws her arms up exasperatedly. "This is not a joke! I need answers.” Brandon ushers her on. “Is there a reason Poitras hates media so much?"

Brandon lets out the smallest giggle under his breath, making eyes at Mayson. The girl continues, solemnly. "Is it me? Did I do something?"

"Oh my god. No. You didn't. Open your eyes!" Brandon all but yells, not wanting to wake up the kids.

She furrows her brow. “Brandon. I've known you for just under two months and here I am, eating dinner on your couch with your family. Poitras won't do much as speak to me, and he avoids me and media at all costs. I don't know what I did to him." she feels her eyes start to water again.

Brandon sighs. “Dude, have you ever considered that you make him nervous?"

"What? He's a professional hockey player Brandon, that makes no sens-"

“Y/N, he has a crush on you. Since day one. It is slowly killing all of us." Mayson starts to giggle as Y/N's jaw drops, Brandon looking very proud of himself.

"What?"

"You have to say something to him. Please. For the rest of our sake. Monty almost killed him last week when he fucked up that drill in practice - he got distracted when he noticed you in the stands with the camera. If you don't say something to him soon, Monty's gonna send him to Providence!!" Brandon laughed, a lot less quiet this time. Mayson, also still laughing, shushed him between giggles.

-

Monday morning, she shows up to practice with her camera, an evil (Carlo) plan in her brain.

Up in the stands, she notices as she catches Matt's eye. She waves and smiles as he skates into Lohrei's back distractedly. Mason shoves him in response, laughing as he realizes he had been looking at the girl up in the stands.

When Monty calls practice, she heads down to the locker room, searching for Matt. She knocks, signifying her entrance into the room. she calls into the room. "Hey guys, it's Y/N. I need Potsy for an exclusive. Boss's orders." She smiles as she rounds the corner, her order met by whoops and wolf whistles.

Matt blushes, giving his team the stink eye as he approaches her. He starts quietly. “What is this for? They know I don't like doing media."

She gives him a soft smile. "It's a silly TikTok. Ranking snacks. You're a hot commodity, Matty, fans want to see you online!" He blushes again, grabbing his water bottle and following her out of the locker room.

They hear a faint "GET IT!" from Pastrnak as the door closes.

-

Matt sits down in the interview space, accepting her phone with TikTok open on it.

"Loosen up, it's just a video. Everyone loves you - they want to see you be silly" She smiles.

He blind ranks the snacks, frustratedly putting cheetos above protein bars after he didn't plan accordingly. He grins timidly as he gives the phone back to her. He pushes his chair back, and starts to get up to leave. “I hope that was enough. I gotta g-”

“Matt, wait." She gently grabs his arm. "Sit back down for a second. I have more questions!"

His face heats up as he sits back down. "About what? I thought I already did my get to know you thing weeks ago." He rolls his eyes unconvincingly.

She giggles in reply. "They're questions from me.”

"Of course they are, you're the media girl. I don't understand."

"No. This is Y/N asking Matt a question. Not the media girl asking the rookie." She smirks. "I just want to know - why do you hate media so much?Did I do something? You did fine when it was Angelica."

Matt sighs. "It's nothing personal, Y/N. I just get nervous."

She smirks again. "Matt, I know it's personal.”

Sighing louder this time, Matt speaks again. “Y/N, whatever Freddy or Kasty or whoever else told you is not true, I have nothing against yo-"

"Matt, I have a crush on you too."

Matt freezes. "What?"

“I know that's why you won't do media. Why do you think I keep asking you to do it anyway?"

"Boss's orders?" He smiles shyly.

"Something like that." She pulls a piece of paper out of her camera bag, scribbling digits onto it. "Here's my number, Pots. Don't lose it, okay?"

She gets up, turns on her heels, and opens the door back to the locker room.

"I'll call you!" He calls after her.

“I’m sure you will.”

-

hope u like it bruins gals :P accepting NON SMUT requests for rn