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reidmarieprentiss · 11 months ago

Text

Picture You

Summary: Spencer is a model. You are the photographer.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: fluff

Warnings/Includes: suggestive content (16+), briefs photoshoot, use of Y/N

Word count: 3.1k

a/n: can't get mgg model days out of my head ,, but i know that guy was sooo confident ,, needed awkward spence to shake things up

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After discovering that Derek was scouted by a modeling agency and occasionally does photo shoots for fun, Spencer Reid becomes intrigued. While he doesn’t see himself as desperately attractive, he acknowledges that his features might be somewhat pleasing. With curiosity piqued, Spencer quickly finds an agency and books a few shoots of his own. All the money he earns from the shoots is carefully set aside to fund his ongoing education—because as Spencer knows all too well, continually going back to college can be quite expensive.

—

Spencer couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place, even as he started to get used to the whole modeling thing. He enjoyed the experience in some ways, but the part where he had to “act natural” while simultaneously posing in front of a room full of people, all staring at him and snapping pictures, still made him feel incredibly awkward. Today was no exception. As he stood in the dressing room, a team of stylists fussed over his hair, skin, and the various outfits he’d be wearing—or rather, barely wearing—during the shoot.

He gave himself his now routine mental pep talk, trying to convince his nerves that he could do this, that it wasn’t as bad as his mind was making it out to be. But the second he finally stepped onto the set, his stomach twisted painfully. He was going to puke—he was sure of it. The reason? The most beautiful woman he had ever seen was standing behind the camera, ready to direct today’s shoot. Spencer couldn’t believe it. You have got to be kidding me. Someone is playing a joke on me, he thought, panic and disbelief swirling inside him.

And of course, today’s shoot had to be for men’s loungewear—specifically the kind that consisted of the thinnest, most revealing, sometimes just straight-up skin-tight briefs. The kind that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. He swallowed hard, trying to maintain his composure, but all he could think was how utterly mortified he was to be standing there, about to model these barely-there garments in front of her. In front of you.

—

Spencer could feel the nervous sweat starting to form on his brow as he watched you approach, a friendly smile lighting up your face. His heart raced, and he suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to flee. Most of the photographers he’d worked with simply shouted directions from behind the camera, kept things impersonal, and told him when he could leave. But, of course, you had to be the exception.

You stopped just a few steps away from him, your presence somehow both soothing and utterly terrifying at the same time. Spencer could barely muster the courage to meet your eyes as you spoke, your voice warm and genuinely kind.

“Hi! I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you,” you said, extending a hand. “I’ll be the photographer for today’s shoot. I just wanted to check in and make sure there isn’t anything you’re uncomfortable with or not willing to do. I don’t want to push you.”

Spencer’s mind raced, trying to process the fact that you were not only acknowledging him but also concerned about his comfort. It was such a stark contrast to the usual experience that he was momentarily stunned into silence. He knew he should respond, say something, anything, but his thoughts were a jumbled mess. All he could think about was how close you were, how your eyes seemed to hold a genuine kindness that was making it hard for him to breathe.

Finally, he managed to find his voice, though it came out a bit shakier than he’d hoped. “Oh, um, hi. I’m Spencer. It’s, uh, nice to meet you too.” He mentally cringed at how awkward he sounded, but he pushed through. “I think, uh, everything’s fine. I mean, it’s a bit…different, but I’m okay with it. I guess I’m just, um, not used to this kind of thing.”

He wasn’t sure if he was making any sense, but the way you continued to smile at him, so patient and understanding, made him feel just a little bit more at ease. He could hardly believe someone so beautiful could also be so kind, especially in an industry that often felt cold and impersonal to him. Your presence was like a balm to his anxiety, even if he was still struggling to find his footing.

“You’re new to modeling? That’s great!” you said, your enthusiasm genuine and infectious. “Well, I won’t ask anything too crazy of you. Today should be pretty simple—cozy, casual stuff. But if at any point you’re uncomfortable or don’t like something, you let me know, okay? We can’t get this done if you’re not comfortable.”

Spencer nodded, still trying to wrap his mind around how reassuring you were being. “Okay, yeah, I will. Thank you,” he managed to say, his voice a little steadier this time.

Your eyes sparkled with encouragement, and it did wonders for his frayed nerves. “No problem at all, Spencer. We’re in this together, so communication is key.”

He was grateful for the way you made it seem like a partnership, not just a job he had to endure. The way you spoke to him, like he mattered in the process, was something he hadn’t expected. And as much as he was dreading the idea of standing there in those revealing briefs, the knowledge that you genuinely cared about his comfort made it seem a little less daunting.

As the shoot began, Spencer emerged from the dressing area wearing a pair of thin joggers that clung just right to his long legs and a skin-tight long sleeve that left little to the imagination, highlighting every lean muscle in his torso. You couldn’t help but notice how good he looked—how the clothes seemed almost tailor-made for him, accentuating his tall frame and, god, his perky nipples in the cold air of the room. It was a bit surprising, to say the least, but you quickly reminded yourself that this was a job, and you were a professional.

You raised the camera, focusing on the task at hand. “Alright, Spencer, let’s start with something simple,” you called out, keeping your voice as steady and encouraging as possible. “Just stand naturally, hands in your pockets, and look off to the side like you’re thinking about something pleasant.”

Spencer followed your direction, slipping his hands into his pockets and glancing to the side, his expression somewhere between thoughtful and serene. Through the lens, you could see the quiet intensity in his gaze, the way his features softened just slightly as he settled into the pose. He looked incredible—much better than he likely gave himself credit for—but you kept your thoughts to yourself, focusing on capturing the best possible shots.

“Perfect,” you said, your voice warm but still professional. “Now, how about we try you leaning against the wall, just relax into it, like you’re at home and completely comfortable.”

Spencer moved to the wall, resting his back against it and crossing his arms over his chest. His initial nervousness was still visible in the way his shoulders tensed slightly, but as the shoot progressed, you could see him slowly easing into the process. He was a natural, even if he didn’t realize it yet.

You clicked away, adjusting angles, and occasionally guiding his poses with gentle suggestions. “Maybe uncross your arms, let one hand rest by your side and the other in your hair,” you said, watching as he complied, his movements a little more fluid now. “Yes, just like that.”

Despite the lingering nerves that you could still sense in him, Spencer was doing remarkably well. He listened attentively, taking your guidance without hesitation, and the way he responded made your job easier than you’d anticipated.

But even as you maintained your professional demeanor, there was no denying the fact that Spencer was far more captivating than you had expected. The camera loved him, and with each click of the shutter, you found yourself more and more impressed by how effortlessly he seemed to embody the role, despite his initial discomfort.

Still, you kept those thoughts to yourself, maintaining the focus and professionalism that the job demanded. You were here to do a job, and that meant putting aside any personal reactions, no matter how difficult it might be. And as the shoot continued, you guided him with the same steady hand, making sure he felt as comfortable as possible in front of the lens.

As the shoot progressed, the outfits became increasingly revealing, each change pushing Spencer a little further out of his comfort zone. He tried to keep his mind focused, reminding himself that this was just another job, another step toward his goals, but the final outfit—the briefs—loomed ahead like a daunting challenge. No top, no bottoms, just the thinnest, most form-fitting briefs. It was one thing to model clothes that covered him, but this? This was a whole new level of vulnerability.

Back in the dressing room, Spencer took a deep breath as he slipped into the briefs, trying to calm the rising tide of anxiety in his chest. The fabric clung to him, leaving nothing to the imagination, and he couldn’t help but feel exposed, almost naked. Just as he was about to take another steadying breath, he heard a knock on the door.

“Spencer?” your voice called from the other side, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Yeah?” he squeaked, his voice embarrassingly high-pitched.

“I just wanted to let you know that I asked the crew to leave for this portion of the shoot,” you explained, your tone warm and considerate. “They got us all set up, but it will just be you and me. I know it can be weird to be so exposed in front of so many people.”

Spencer felt a rush of relief mixed with a new wave of nerves. “Oh, uh, thank you so much. That’s very thoughtful,” he managed to respond, trying to sound more composed than he felt.

“You got it! See you out there, stud,” you added with a playful lilt in your voice before stepping away.

Now Spencer was definitely panicking. Stud? Did you just call him stud? And the fact that it was going to be just the two of you in the room, with him standing there in nothing but his underwear? Great. Fantastic. Just what he needed to calm his nerves.

He took a moment to stare at himself in the mirror, trying to convince himself that he could do this, that it wasn’t as bad as his mind was making it out to be. But there was no turning back now. He had to do this, and he had to do it well. With one last deep breath, he stepped out of the dressing room, feeling the cool air against his bare skin, every nerve in his body tingling with a mix of anticipation and dread. The set was quiet now, the absence of the usual bustle making the space feel almost intimate, which only heightened his awareness of the situation.

And then there you were, waiting for him with that same patient, understanding smile. It should have been comforting, but all Spencer could think about was how exposed he was, how every tiny flaw was on display. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was about to completely embarrass himself in front of you.

But he had to push through, had to focus on the task at hand. He walked to the designated spot, feeling your eyes on him the entire time, and tried to channel every ounce of professionalism he had. This was just another shoot, he told himself. Just another shoot. Except this time, it was just you, him, and a whole lot of skin.

The shoot was going fine—Spencer kept telling himself that over and over again, trying to stay focused. But despite his best efforts, his mind was wandering, spiraling into a chaotic mess of nerves and self-consciousness. The directions you were giving him started to blur together, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t seem to get it right. His thoughts were a million miles away, and it was showing in his awkward, stilted movements.

But instead of getting frustrated or upset, you handled it with such grace. You understood, far more than he expected anyone would. When his poses didn’t quite hit the mark, you didn’t bark orders or show any sign of impatience. Instead, you walked over to him, your steps slow and deliberate, and gently guided him into position. Your touch was light but firm, your hands on his arms, his shoulders, adjusting his posture, tilting his chin—each movement precise and careful.

Spencer’s mind went blank. Completely, utterly blank. All the mental pep talks and reassurances he had given himself earlier evaporated in an instant, leaving only the undeniable, physical reality of the moment. He was a man, after all—a man standing there in practically nothing, with a beautiful, kind, and very real woman touching him. His body reacted in a way that was completely beyond his control, and the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

He felt the heat rush to his face as he noticed your eyes flicker downward, your own cheeks flushing a delicate shade of pink. You had noticed. Of course, you had noticed.

Spencer felt a wave of mortification crash over him, his heart pounding in his chest as he desperately searched for something to say. Anything to make this moment less excruciating. “I’m so sorry,” he blurted out, his voice thick with embarrassment.

He couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes, every fiber of his being screaming at him to disappear, to somehow melt into the floor and escape the mortifying situation. His body had betrayed him in the worst possible way, and now he was standing there, exposed in more ways than one, with no idea how to salvage what little dignity he had left.

Your eyes widened slightly in surprise, but you quickly composed yourself, trying to ease the tension in the room. “Um, no. no! It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” you said quickly, your voice filled with reassurance. You offered him a small, understanding smile, hoping to alleviate some of the embarrassment you could see written all over his face. “Happens all the time.”

Spencer looked at you, still flustered, but now with a hint of curiosity and disbelief in his eyes. “Really?” he asked, his voice hesitant, as if he wasn’t entirely sure whether to believe you or not.

You hesitated for the briefest of moments, your own cheeks still warm, before you let out a soft, nervous laugh. “Well… no,” you admitted, trying to inject a bit of humor into the situation. “But it’s okay!”

Spencer blinked, his mortification momentarily giving way to confusion. The way you were handling the situation—so casual, so accepting—was both surprising and strangely comforting. It didn’t completely erase the awkwardness he felt, but it helped, if only a little.

“I mean, it’s a natural reaction,” you continued, trying to keep your tone light. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Really.” You met his gaze, your eyes full of sincerity, hoping he could see that you weren’t just saying it to make him feel better—you genuinely meant it.

Spencer’s tension eased just a fraction, the knot in his stomach loosening ever so slightly. He still felt exposed, still felt like he wanted to crawl under a rock, but your understanding made it a little easier to breathe. “Thank you,” he muttered, his voice soft but grateful.

You nodded, giving him another reassuring smile as you tried to keep things as professional as possible. “We can take a break, we, uh, need you—um, soft.”

Spencer groaned in embarrassment, immediately covering his face with both hands. This couldn’t be happening. “That’s not going to happen while you’re here,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by his hands.

“What? I didn’t hear that,” you said, leaning in slightly, trying to catch his words.

Spencer lowered his hands just enough to repeat himself, his cheeks burning with humiliation. “That, um, isn’t going to happen if you’re here,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

You blinked in surprise as the realization hit you. “Oh… oh!” you said, your own cheeks flushing slightly as you finally understood what he meant.

“Yeah… I’m sorry, I’ll just leave. This is so unprofessional,” Spencer muttered, already starting to turn away, his mind racing with thoughts of how he’d ruined everything. How could he face you after this? He was certain this was the end of his brief modeling venture.

But before he could take another step, you called out to him, your voice soft but firm. “Spencer?”

“Yeah?” he responded, his voice laced with both embarrassment and uncertainty as he paused, half-expecting you to reprimand him.

“Is it because of me, or because I’m a woman?” you asked, your tone gentle but curious.

He hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest as he struggled to find the right words. “It’s… you,” he finally admitted, his voice small, the truth spilling out before he could stop it.

There was a brief moment of silence as you processed his words, and then, to his utter disbelief, you spoke up again. “In that case… do you want to get a coffee after this?”

Spencer’s eyes widened in shock, and he turned back to face you, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he tried to process what you’d just said. “You—wait, what?” he stammered, hardly believing his ears.

“I mean, if it’s me, then maybe we should get to know each other a little better,” you said, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips, though there was a hint of nervousness in your eyes. “I know this situation is… well, it’s awkward, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”

Spencer could hardly believe what he was hearing. Here he was, in the most embarrassing situation of his life, and instead of being horrified or offended, you were… asking him out? It was the last thing he had expected, but as the initial shock wore off, he felt a glimmer of hope break through the embarrassment.

“I… I’d like that,” he finally managed to say, a tentative smile forming on his face. “I’d really like that.”

You nodded, relieved that he hadn’t completely shut down after your offer. “Great. Let’s finish this shoot, and then we can go.”

From that day forward, Spencer made a quiet decision—he would only model for shoots where you were the photographer.

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kingconia · 2 years ago

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Hiii I love you writing so much <3

I would love to see the housewardens with a bi S/O. How would then react? (gn please)

A/N: Oh, as a bisexual, I loved working on this one.

(Beware: it contains my personal headcanons about some worldbuilding and different characters orientation. It is merely my vision—you have all rights to disagree.)

GN!READER COMING OUT AS BISEXUAL TO THE HOUSEWARDENS AND HOW THEY REACT

Riddle Rosehearts. ❤️

— ”Wait, what do you mean you are bisexual? So, you can speak two languages or what?”

— Genuinely apologising here, but I believe that he has no idea about LGBTQ+ community. You need to explain him more about it;

— I feel like he knows the basics like the fact people could date people their gender, but overall everything you say means nothing to him;

— Though, I also think that because of his deprivation in the social contact with people—and because I don't think his mother had ever spoke with him about romantical love in general—he has no prejudices about it;

— (I also headcanon that later on he defines himself as asexual, but it is just my vision—);

— So, Riddle attentively listens to all of your explanations, thanks you for the trust, and accepts you easily.

Leona Kingscholar. 💛

— Firstly, I headcanon Leona as the open bisexual. And secondly, I like to imagine that Afterglow Savanna is a very progressive place to live in. They are highly feministic as we saw already, and, I think they are very LGBTG+ supportive community;

— Because of that, I also think that Leona had no idea that not everyone are so supportive. That coming out could be a dangerous and unnerving thing;

— Imagine coming out to him, only to see him shrugging the unbothered king he is...

— But! The moment you tell him about it, or about your genuine concerns about sharing it with him, Leona fixes his mistake by comforting you;

— And, oh, I think he would love taking you on trips to the Afterglow Savanna, so you get to see how accepting and free his people are;

— (Lmao, I think that sometimes both of you could just lazily slump over each other, and checking out random people in the crowd, because why not?)

Azul Ashengrotto. 🩵

— Oh, I think that Azul is very touched that he was shared with this kind of information;

— He is aware how judgmental the world can be, and that sometimes, sharing with this even with your closest friends and family could be hard;

— And, Azul knows that most of the people would never trust him with these things. So, he accepts your coming out as something especially valuable for many reasons;

— I feel like he would be the ”embarrassingly supportive parent” type of person, though. Like the one, who buys you awkward t-shirts and cups with bisexual flags;

— Which might or might not to be followed by the stupid puns;

— If you ask him about his preferences, he would probably try to pull out the ”I am Y/n-sexual” card.

Kalim Al-Asim. 🧡

— When it comes to Scalding Sands, I kind of see them to the the opposite of the Savanna. Which means that I see their community as the old-fashioned one, with conservative ways of thinking;

— So, for Kalim I have two possible scenarios, that are quite contradictory?

— Scenario number one: Kalim is clueless about all of this stuff—much like Riddle, but even worse—and he is not very sure about his own preferences;

— However, he is willing to research about it more—with your guiding hand, of course—and you can be assured that he will support you, even despite views of his country about this matter;

— In the second one I see him as a closet bisexual, who tries to keep it quiet for an obvious reasons;

— Which leads to him, supporting you well. I also think, he would be an active fighter for LGBTQ+ rights, often participating in the Gay Pride.

Vil Schoenheit. 💜

— Well, he works among models, actors, singers and a lot of different starts;

— Most of people in there are either friendly, or the part of the community theirselves, and with Vil practically growing up among them, it is only logical that he is not homophobic;

— I love to think that he is the part of the LGBTQ+ community himself, though, I don't have a specific headcanon for him;

— But... I think, he is in the closet as well;

— Don't get me wrong, but Vil is a very private type of star. He likes to keep everything personal in the secret, and such things could easily became a hot topic in the social media;

— However, when you confess to him about being bisexual, he is instantly very supportive, and comes out to you in return. You can count on him as much as he counts on you.

Idia Shroud. 💙

— I actually headcanon him as aroace, that is why I am having a hard time writing romantic works with his character, but let's ignore this;

— Oh, Idia is a child of internet. More to say, he is a fandom person. There is no way, he had never read fanfics on Ao3, and had his own pairings, lmao;

— I also headcanon him as that one type of guy, who ships his classmates, but he would be strangely accurate with that;

— Nevertheless, I think he is so absorbed in the virtual world and his circle of online friends, that he tends to forget that not all the world is gay and that homophobic people exist???

— So, when you coming out to him, he just... Shrugs. Like, hey, you are not special?

— It is up to you if you laugh about it and take his reaction as it is, or point out to him that you were nervous about it. In the second option, he will apologise and reassure you that everything is fine. But the result in all the same, he accepts you.

Malleus Draconia. 💚

— ”Wait, what do you mean you are bisexual? So, you can speak two languages or what?” X2

— But, consider this: I headcanon that all fae are queer;

— So, Malleus might not know about labels, but he grew up in the place, where everyone is gay, so...

— He finds it fascinating—and annoying—how different humal culture is from what he knows. Malleus also find a hard time understanding why anyone would hate people for loving someone;

— He quickly reassures you that it is absolutely normal, and he wouldn't care less. He loves you so much!! Please don't worry!! (Ha-ha, Lilia had a crush on both of my parents, so—);

— ...And I also think that just like Azul, he would buy a very cringe merch. Like t-shirts with ”My Lover Is Bisexual!” or ”BI proud!” shit, lmao. He thinks it is sweet and hilarious, and you can't do anything about it. Sorry.

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim x reader #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader

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ollyissleepy · 2 months ago

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MY SON!!!!! 😭😭😭😭 IM SO PROUD OF HIM 😭😭😭😭 I CANT BE PROUD EBOUGH 😭😭😭😭

aaahhhhh ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ he’s such a brat (/pos) but i love him for that ❤️

"..I confess to whatever you want to charge me with,"

there's a curious lack of resistance. This could suggest that, deep down, he feels a sense of guilt or obligation, but not in the typical way. It's almost as if he's detached from his actions, like accepting punishment as a form of atonement, but in an oddly passive way. His nonchalant tone suggests a form of self-punishment or an attempt to externalize his sense of moral decay. He doesn’t SEEM to feel remorse actively, but perhaps he’s subconsciously seeking some kind of release from this unspoken guilt by letting others "charge" him, as if his actions are inevitable.

Notice how the interaction with Commissioner Gordon has no trace of the typical power struggle you might expect from someone in (name)’s position. While he's a thief and likely used to dealing with authority, there’s an underlying sense of fatalism in his behavior. It’s almost as if he has long ago resigned himself to his fate, whatever that may be. His nonchalant demeanor isn’t defiance, it’s more akin to someone who has stopped expecting anything better from life. He doesn’t engage with Gordon or the situation emotionally, showing a lack of trust in the system but also in people in general. He’s isolated himself so thoroughly that even his interactions with authority are marked by a profound disengagement. He’s not even interested in fighting back because it’s all "so pointless."

“…Worried? If it wasn’t for that fool in latex, we wouldn’t be talking right now,”

that is a sharp rejection of the butler’s concern, which is telling. The anger here isn’t just about the situation, it’s a deeper frustration with feeling vulnerable. (Name) is so used to navigating the world on his own terms that the idea of others worrying about him feels alien or even insulting. He doesn’t want to be cared for, because it’s too close to the emotional pain he’s been running from since his mother’s death.

The sharpness of his voice, juxtaposed with the butler’s more measured tone, highlights (name)’s attempt to reassert control in the conversation. He doesn’t want the butler to see him as someone to protect, because that would imply needing someone, and that’s something he’s not willing to admit, even to himself.

His defense mechanism here is almost childishly reactive: if you care too much, I’ll push you away.

okay erm .. hear me out … but like sometimes, when a person has difficulty dealing with their own emotions (like fear of intimacy, guilt, or sadness), they project those feelings onto others. [name] might have begun to see alfred’s care as fake because, deep down, he doesn’t want to face his own vulnerability or need for others. In rejecting alfred’s care, he is in essence rejecting his own need for emotional support, a need he might feel conflicted about acknowledging.

The perception of alfred’s care as “fake” is, in some ways, a reflection of [name]’s internal conflict. He doesn’t want to believe he’s worthy of genuine care, so he rejects it and labels it as insincere. (person going insane here)

On a deeper level, [name]’s rejection of alfred’s care might stem from a guilt about needing him in the first place. He might feel that, by seeking alfred’s protection or affection, he’s weakening himself. Since [name] prides himself on being self-reliant, especially after the death of his mother, any affection or care that doesn’t align with his image of strength feels like a betrayal of his own identity.

This conflict can distort his view of alfred’s care, what might have once felt like something reliable and safe now feels like something that undermines his self-sufficiency. As a result, he perceives the care as “fake,” because it challenges the emotional walls he has spent so long building.

It’s also possible that [name] has redefined what care and affection look like for him. His understanding of love or care could be shaped by his experiences as a thief, someone who has often operated outside the law and societal norms. He’s seen people betray each other, and the idea of someone taking care of him could feel “unnatural” or alien to him.

When he runs away and distances himself from alfred, he’s not just rejecting a person, he’s rejecting a traditional model of care that might feel foreign or weak to him. To [name], real love or care might look more self-sufficient or even transactional (as in a world of survival, where everything has a price). alfred’s genuine affection might not match this rougher, more cynical worldview, leading him to see it as “fake,” or at least not in the way he can accept it.

might be coping but [Name]’s mention of “that fool in latex” introduces an interesting dynamic into the scene. He is simultaneously resentful of Batman (and by extension, authority), and perhaps, frustrated that he has to deal with someone who disrupts his plans. But there’s also a subconscious acknowledgment that this “fool” in latex is the one who saved him in this particular moment. So, while he verbally dismisses the help, the resentment likely comes from the fact that he had no control over the situation.

His sharp words here aren’t just a rejection of the butler’s concern, they’re also a way of expressing his frustration with being powerless. The world keeps throwing him into situations where he’s forced to rely on others (like Batman or the butler), but that goes against his entire existence as someone who prides himself on self-reliance and independence. [Name] resents being vulnerable enough to need saving.

“….Alfred didn't let him finish, turning around and starting the car. (Name) was left alone in the backseat, filled with regret over his own words.”

hey so this scene killed me 🤣🤣🤣 you WILL be sorry.

[name]’s regret could be seen as a sign of someone who doesn’t want to push people away, but who doesn’t know how to ask for what he needs. He recognizes that Alfred's care for him is genuine, but he’s also afraid that acknowledging that care will lead to a situation where he’s no longer in control of his emotions or actions. So, he lashes out, but then quickly regrets it, as though he’s trapped between wanting to hurt others (to push them away) and not actually wanting to cause damage to the one person who’s there for him.

the silence in the backseat after Alfred starts the car is telling. It represents the emotional distance that has now formed between the two characters. This distance isn’t just physical (as (name) is alone in the backseat), it’s emotional. [name] is left with his own regret, but it’s also a moment where he realizes that his behavior has led to a rift in the relationship. This realization is likely difficult for him because he’s not used to facing the consequences of his actions in such an intimate context.

This scene captures the paradox in [name]’s psyche: he wants intimacy, but he rejects it when it gets too close. The space in the backseat isn’t just literal; it’s a reflection of the space [name] has created between himself and Alfred. a space that is both physical and emotional.

this scene also indicate [name] is in a cycle of self-sabotage. On one hand, he pushes Alfred away with harsh words and actions, but on the other hand, he feels guilt almost immediately afterward. It’s as if he doesn’t know how to break out of this pattern of distancing himself from others and then feeling the emptiness or pain of that distance.

this could be tied to his fear of vulnerability. he doesn’t trust people enough to stay close, but when they do, he feels unworthy or overwhelmed by the emotional closeness. So he pulls back, even though part of him regrets it. This cycle plays out with increasing emotional cost, especially with someone like Alfred, who represents stability and care.

“…The ride to the manor feels worse than the first one. Instead of a man at the driver's seat, who had one poor attempt at bonding, it was Alfred behind the steering wheel. The same man who had respected every boundary (name) had set. The man who made the boys short stay in the manor somewhat bearable. The teenager recognises that he should've voiced his frustrations in a different way. And most certainly, not by lashing out at an older man, who hasn't done anything to use him.”

(Name) is caught in cognitive dissonance, which means that there’s a disconnect between what he wants and what he does. He likely craves genuine connection, care, and respect (especially from Alfred, who has been a steady figure), but he reacts to those desires by pushing people away.

The fact that he recognizes he’s gone too far with Alfred, that he should have voiced his frustrations differently, shows a clash between his self-protective instinct and his deeper need for connection. His instinct is to self-sabotage relationships before they can become meaningful or too emotionally demanding. On some level, he’s afraid of vulnerability because it opens the door for potential rejection or betrayal, feelings he’s probably experienced before (possibly with his mother’s death, abandonment, or the unpredictable nature of being a thief).

So, in order to prevent being hurt or disappointed, he engages in self-sabotaging behaviors, like lashing out. It's as if he's telling himself, "If I hurt first, then I won't be hurt at all." Unfortunately, this leaves him feeling disconnected and guilty afterward, because, on a deeper level, he knows the connection was genuine.

Let’s think about self-reliance not just as an instinctive defense but as a smoke screen for desperation. [Name]’s self-sufficiency and constant pushing people away may seem like he's emotionally self-sustaining, but underneath it, there’s something deeper, a quiet desperation.

There’s an almost invisible urgency that comes from being completely isolated. When you rely on yourself for everything, you almost start to believe you don’t need anyone. But deep down, it creates an emotional craving for connection that’s so intense it can feel scary to even acknowledge. When someone like Alfred shows up and offers genuine care, it isn’t just a simple moment of connection, it’s a reminder of how desperately he’s been craving that care all along. And in the same breath, it's a reminder of how out of reach that connection feels for him, since he can’t embrace it without feeling vulnerable.

Self-reliance, then, is a kind of emotional irony: the more he rejects others, the more he wants them. He’s been alone long enough to forget how much he needs real connection, and when it’s finally in front of him, he’s almost afraid to recognize how badly he needs it.

Most stories of trauma or emotional detachment are centered around the discrepancy between perceived worth and actual worth. But [name]’s internal conflict goes beyond the typical idea of unworthiness. What’s happening here is that he’s deeply ambivalent about his worth, there’s a split in how he views himself and how he believes others see him.

Perceived worth is what he thinks others see: “I’m a thief. I don’t deserve their respect, their care. I’m just someone who takes what he needs.” But internalized worth, buried deep down, tells him a completely different story: “I am more than this. I want more than this. I should be worthy of love and respect.” These two voices battle inside him, making him unsettled and uncertain. His response to Alfred’s kindness isn’t just a rejection of care; it’s a rejection of the idea that he deserves care.

This is more than typical guilt. it’s a psychological paralysis. He doesn’t want to open himself up to someone who treats him well, because he’s afraid that if he does, he’ll have to face the incongruence between how he sees himself and how others see him. It’s easier for him to reject Alfred outright than to confront that emotional gap.

“…"I'm sorry." (Name) doesn't dare to look at the butler's face, too ashamed. "I shouldn't have said that. I know out of all of them, you would look for me."

In this scene, the physical space between Alfred and [name] becomes a reflection of their emotional distance. Initially, Alfred moves away, and [name] holds back. likely because he's still guarding himself. This is an important visual detail. Alfred, who’s always been the one to respect [name]’s boundaries, is already stepping away emotionally and physically, which might feel like another moment of abandonment to [name], even if Alfred hasn’t done anything wrong.

The act of grabbing Alfred’s hand to stop him symbolizes a subconscious lurch toward connection, a physical expression of his desire to pull Alfred back into his emotional world. However, this moment of vulnerability is quickly followed by discomfort, he’s ashamed and doesn’t want to face Alfred’s gaze. This shows how tangled connection and shame are for [name]. He wants it, but the very act of needing someone is something he’s afraid to own.

[Name]’s apology is a rare emotional concession. He is apologizing, not because he necessarily believes that he did something wrong, but because the weight of his actions, his outburst, forces him to reckon with the possibility that he’s hurt someone who cares about him. For someone like [name], shame is a HUGE emotional trigger. It’s tied to his sense of control over his identity. Shame is something he can’t deal with easily because it undermines the façade he’s spent years building of indifference and emotional self-reliance.

The fact that he doesn’t look at Alfred’s face shows how shame has distorted his view of himself. If he meets Alfred’s eyes, it would force him to confront not only the consequences of his actions but also the longing he’s suppressing, the longing for an attachment he doesn’t know how to navigate. In his mind, shame is a reminder that he messed up, and that imperfection is dangerous. If he reveals any sign of needing Alfred, it feels like losing control over his carefully constructed emotional armor.

The apology, while an important moment of emotional growth, is still encased in pride. [Name]’s apology is incomplete, it’s not entirely genuine in the sense that he’s not fully acknowledging the depth of the emotional ripple effect he caused. Saying, “I shouldn’t have said that,” is a defensive way of minimizing the situation. [Name]’s words are a way of distancing himself from the emotional vulnerability behind the outburst. He’s not admitting he felt frustration, anger, or hurt, he’s only acknowledging that the verbal expression of those feelings was somehow wrong. It’s almost as if he’s saying, “The problem wasn’t what I felt, it was just how I said it.” He can’t bring himself to admit he was wrong on a deeper emotional level, it’s still about avoiding confrontation with his own vulnerability.

He says, “I know out of all of them, you would look for me,” which is an interesting, almost subconscious admission that Alfred has been the only one who has consistently been there for him. This recognition is key. It’s an acknowledgment of Alfred’s loyalty, but he can’t fully face that truth because it feels too big, too dangerous. To admit that Alfred cares would be to accept that care and affection might be something he needs. and that’s terrifying. It’s like he’s saying, “I know you care about me, but I still can’t really acknowledge it without feeling like I’ll lose my emotional independence.”

OR MAYBE. I havs two analysis here.

[Name]’s emotional development was likely stunted or skewed due to his early trauma (losing his mother) and his later life as a thief and someone who has avoided emotional connection. Early emotional growth often comes from modeling behaviors like apologizing when we’re wrong and understanding the emotional weight behind those apologies.

However, if [name] was never given the space to process emotions in a healthy way, either because he learned to suppress them out of necessity or because he never had the right emotional role models, he would be at a loss when it comes to expressing remorse for something like lashing out.

[Name]’s struggle with apologizing could stem from a lack of emotional vocabulary. If he’s never learned how to articulate his feelings of guilt, shame, or regret, he might not know how to express them in a way that feels genuine to him. So, rather than giving a full, heartfelt apology, he defaults to something safe and simple like, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

For someone who’s not used to navigating emotional complexities, a brief, surface-level statement feels more comfortable because it requires less emotional exposure. The apology becomes mechanical, just enough to satisfy the social expectations of an apology but without digging into the uncomfortable depths of his true feelings.

or maybe he might also feel like he’s done something “wrong” by getting emotional in the first place. This could trigger a self-critical response, where he doesn’t want to face the truth that his actions came from a place of real pain or frustration. Apologizing “properly” would require him to acknowledge those emotions, which feels too overwhelming.

By saying, “I shouldn’t have said that”, he’s essentially saying, “The words were the problem, not what was behind them.” This shifts the blame away from his deeper emotional needs (which he doesn’t know how to deal with) and keeps the focus on the words themselves. This is a defense mechanism to avoid confronting deeper, more uncomfortable emotions like hurt, anger, or longing.

For [name], apologizing properly might feel like a foreign skill. His history of running away and shutting down emotions likely means he’s never been forced to sit with or process his emotional missteps in a constructive way. He might feel lost in how to express guilt or remorse in a way that feels authentic because these types of conversations are too emotionally complex for him to navigate.

“(Name) decided to leave before his visit to the Batcave could attract too much attention. He walked past the desk with the computer, stopping in his tracks. Messing with them a little wouldn't hurt much, right?”

I lpve this scene hehehehehjwkakqlwnsowns my faborite one!!!

The phrase “Messing with them a little wouldn't hurt much, right?” is telling! it implies a form of self-justification. [Name] is asking for permission from himself, perhaps subconsciously. He's rationalizing that a small disruption, a minor act of rebellion or curiosity, won't have significant consequences. This action also speaks to his history as a thief: his impulse to take something, manipulate it, or subvert expectations, no matter how minor, reflects a pattern of behavior, he has learned that small acts of defiance can be empowering ! !

“..There’s something I need you to get for me. A necklace. It belonged to my mother. I thought it was lost forever, but... I saw it a few days ago, and the person that had it didn't want to sell it to me."

AAAHHHHHH DUKE AND [NAME] 🐁🐁 HALWSMKWKSOQKANS CONNECTING?????? SOCIALISING?:)1$/$&1&/&

The necklace, especially one that "belonged to [Duke’s] mother," is loaded with symbolic meaning. It represents something irreplaceable, a personal link to Duke's past. For [name], this request may resonate with his own loss and abandonment (his mother's death). Even though he doesn't necessarily seek emotional closeness, this request might tap into feelings of loss or nostalgia.

The fact that the necklace was thought to be “lost forever” but was recently found may subconsciously mirror [name]’s own emotional state. He has "lost" the sense of connection to family and perhaps even to his past, but there's still something of value, still something to find or reclaim (even if it’s just an object).

[Name] is a thief, and thieves are often more focused on actions and outcomes than on emotional connections. The request to find the necklace might seem like a small, somewhat objective task to him. It's something tangible, something he can physically do, which might be more comfortable for him than dealing with the emotions behind it.

For [name], doing the job might represent an opportunity to establish a connection to Duke (and perhaps the family) without actually having to share anything personal or engage on an emotional level. He can operate within his comfort zone of action and manipulation without overstepping into territory that would require vulnerability. It’s about maintaining control and engaging in a familiar transaction: get the necklace, do the job, and walk away.

“He moves towards his room, wondering how he could return the necklace to Duke. The boy needed to think of a way he could do that without being spotted. (Name) settled on sneaking into Duke's room before breakfast and leaving it there.”

[name] and his need for control and avoidance of intimacy again 😭😭

He doesn’t want to simply hand it back to Duke in a straightforward way, because that would involve direct interaction and potentially expose his intentions. This is in line with his tendency to avoid intimacy or situations that might force him to engage emotionally. By planning to sneak it back into Duke's room before breakfast, he’s keeping the interaction as minimal and anonymous as possible, maintaining his emotional distance. The more he can control the way the task is executed, the less vulnerable he feels.

Sneaking the necklace back instead of openly returning it can also suggest that [name] doesn’t want to deal with the emotional expectations that could arise from a simple, direct act of kindness. If he were to simply give it to Duke, there could be a conversation, an emotional moment, or an expectation for gratitude, which would force him to engage emotionally. By sneaking it back, he keeps things distant, both physically and emotionally. It’s an act that ensures no one is watching, and thus, no emotional strings are attached.

“The next morning, (name) walked into the kitchen, unsure of what the butler would do. Was he going to be punished? Has Alfred somehow found out about the necklace? With trembling hands, the boy worked on his own breakfast. He was ready for it to be the last meal he had with the man.”

Though [name] seems emotionally distant, this scene indicates that he might be more attached to Alfred than he’s willing to acknowledge. The fear of being rejected by Alfred could be more deeply tied to [name]’s fear of losing someone who represents stability and perhaps the only positive male figure in his life. [Name] might be expecting punishment because he has internalized the possibility of loss, especially with someone who has shown him a form of care that he isn’t used to.

[Name]’s nervousness expressed through his trembling hands suggests a psychological shift that goes beyond his usual cold indifference to consequences. It indicates that, despite his bravado and criminal mindset, he’s more emotionally vulnerable than he lets on.

[Name] is more emotionally vulnerable when it comes to Alfred, likely because he recognizes that Alfred’s opinion matters to him in a way he hasn’t experienced before. If Alfred finds out about the necklace, it could be a moment of emotional exposure, where [name] would have to confront not just the practical consequences of his theft, but also how his actions affect someone who has shown him care. This potential for emotional exposure is something [name] isn’t used to, and he likely feels ill-prepared for it. Rejection or disappointment from Alfred would be much more difficult for him to handle than any punishment from an external authority.

His anxiety is tied to the possibility of losing Alfred’s regard, which could lead to further emotional isolation. This emotional risk is something he’s not willing to face lightly, especially since he has likely built a fragile attachment to Alfred as the only stable, positive adult figure he’s encountered in a long time. His trembling hands symbolize that even in moments where he’s usually detached, there’s something deeper at play here.

The thought of this being "the last meal" with Alfred suggests a preemptive emotional defense. [Name] is mentally preparing himself for rejection or punishment, even if there’s no concrete reason to believe that Alfred has already discovered the necklace. This suggests that [name] has a pattern of detaching himself emotionally before others have the chance to do so to him. He’s bracing for emotional abandonment by anticipating that Alfred might push him away if the truth comes to light.

[Name] is used to being self-reliant and emotionally distant, it’s part of his survival instincts. But this moment reveals that he might be secretly craving connection and recognition, and the fear of rejection is stronger now because it involves someone he’s learned to rely on. Preparing himself for "the last meal" represents him putting up emotional armor in anticipation of something that might not even happen. It’s his way of protecting himself from the possibility of feeling hurt, even though the situation may not warrant such an extreme reaction.

I want to ask some things about [name] .. like,, I KNOW it’s probably going to be revealed sooner or later but im just so curious !!!!!! CURIOSITY IS MY MIDDLE NAME!!!!! like, did [name] ever went to school ? Is there anything he wouldn’t steal, even if it was easy to do so ? What’s something he believe in, even if it’s hard to explain why ? if [name] could invent a new holiday, what would it be called, and how would people celebrate it ?

ANYWYAS !! thats ut hehe .. i finisshed this before the new chapter comes out, I cheered ⁉️ I forgot how exciting and refreshing writing is…. im now really motivated to write that songs that fit [name] analysis 🎈 I love songs !!!

Look at him go! He's… bonding???

His nonchalant demeanor isn’t defiance, it’s more akin to someone who has stopped expecting anything better from life.

He’s not even interested in fighting back because it’s all "so pointless."

I'm just… going to leave those here…

(I mentioned it in ask about (name)'s trauma)

That was not the first time that (name) had a run in with some police so by then he knows how to act and what not, so he probably wouldn't act out or anything of sorts.

you make great points on the entire situation, but this one is the main thing I had in mind writing this scene.

(name) calls batman a 'fool in latex' for two reasons:

that whole authority and resentment thing and the man destroying his plan and all that

I thought it would be so funny. That's all.

(name) reminds me of a feral cat a little. He wants intimacy, to be close to somebody but when anyone tries to get close he bites (not literally…. I hope) and hisses at them.

Also (name) likes to self-sabotage. He's like a king at it or something.

This. And keep that cycle in mind for the future 😈

On some level, he’s afraid of vulnerability because it opens the door for potential rejection or betrayal, feelings he’s probably experienced before (possibly with his mother’s death, abandonment, or the unpredictable nature of being a thief).

That's also really important for the future.

"If I hurt first, then I won't be hurt at all."

I have a scene in mind for later parts that relies on this type of thinking. I will be super fun for me, not sure about the characters.

the entire part about (name)'s self-relance is so well written, you're so on point. You're not a mind reader are you?

I want to highlight the last part because you're so right??? That's literally what's going on in (name)'s mind????

I also really love the first analysis on (name) apologising. BUT the second one is more what I had in mind.

and

especially. Also yes (name) is shifting the blame to focus on the words as a defence mechanism.

[Name] is asking for permission from himself, perhaps subconsciously. He's rationalizing that a small disruption, a minor act of rebellion or curiosity, won't have significant consequences. This action also speaks to his history as a thief: his impulse to take something, manipulate it, or subvert expectations, no matter how minor, reflects a pattern of behavior, he has learned that small acts of defiance can be empowering ! !

One of my favourite scenes in this part. I knew I wanted (name) to do something that would not only be a little funny, but also will 'expose' him as a thief to the rest of them. And also the idea of him successfully sneaking into a batcave (that should have high security or something) and then only mess with them a little felt like a nice touch. Exposing (name)'s real personality in a way.

AAAHHHHHH DUKE AND [NAME] 🐁🐁 HALWSMKWKSOQKANS CONNECTING?????? SOCIALISING?:)1$/$&1&/&

I love (name) and Duke together. They're my favourite duo (I might be biased, since Duke is one of my favourites, but we're not talking about that)

The necklace belonging to Duke's mother was one of the main reason why (name) even considered agreeing to the whole thing.

Yes, (name) was trying to establish a connection with Duke. Mainly because he didn't have a bad interaction with him (the only other time they interacted was when Duke offered to show (name) around), but also in case he would require a favour from someone he would have Duke he could turn to (he didn't think that Duke thought of a more 'physical' way to pay him back)

[name] and his need for control and avoidance of intimacy again 😭😭

And I know for a fact that the next part will be a hell on earth for him 😈😈

in (name)'s ideal world he wouldn't interact much with Duke when returning the necklace. Too bad Duke had other plans.

(Name) acts all tough and all, but he's just a baby (in my mind at least)

yes (name) isn't much aware of it yet, but he is afraid of loosing the connection he has with Alfred

And I will end it with this quote, once again, be sure to keep it in mind.

And now to the questions!

did [name] ever went to school ?

yup! he went up until elementary school or maybe middle school (I don't know too much about the american schooling system lol). (name) knows how to read, write, some basic math. the rest of this knowledge comes from the streets.

Is there anything he wouldn’t steal, even if it was easy to do so ?

he wouldn't steel anything that the other person might need in order to live (like medicine from an older person or money from someone that don't have much of it to spare). Anyone that he views as in a similar or worse situation than him is a no go in his books.

Would (and probably have) steal candy from a child though (especially from the nicely dressed ones)

What’s something he believe in, even if it’s hard to explain why ?

that's hard to answer. I feel like (name) would believe in superstitions (like breaking a mirror = bad luck or something) and would 100% make wishes at every shooting star (though that is all thanks to his mom, but that will be explained in part five)

if [name] could invent a new holiday, what would it be called, and how would people celebrate it ?

(name) doesn't fuck with holidays in my mind. Especially after his mom's death (y'know holidays are usually spent with family and well he don't really have one anymore).

If he had a power to do something around the holidays, he would probably delete one of them.

thank you so much for your input!! reading your thoughts on my writing makes me so warm and fuzzy inside lol I'm a little curious about what songs you have in mind, but I really don't mind waiting, please don't rush yourself to do so <3

#★ olly's asks #tntf asks & drabbles

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itsnothingofinterest · 2 years ago

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So, overall thoughts on 393 & predictions for 394:

I really liked 393 for the most part. I do have one gripe/concern with the current situation (and I’m gonna talk a lot more about that than anything else; that’s just how the internet is sometimes); but overall I really liked a lot of what this chapter did.

First off, the flashback to the League; the camaraderie, the stupid jokes, Dabi being a pretentious jerk who thinks these people aren’t his friends when they totally are. It’s all just *chef’s kiss* perfect, no notes. Other’s have gushed enough for this scene and analyzed all the interesting things it says about these characters so I’ll just add:

“Dudes...Being Dudes!” Can’t believe I didn't see that until now.

But moving on from the “dudes”: Uraraka has earned my praise for having done easily the best to reach out to her villain of any hero kid in the entire arc; not least of which because she’s the only one having any back and forth, and because she seems to be genuinely trying to help Toga. Uraraka’s position isn’t quite perfect, still room to improve for reasons we’ll get too; but she has by far done the best at talking to her villain out of the entire class thus far. Her blood offering™ especially is really big for Toga.

Although, briefly moving on to predictions for the next chapter: my hottest take of a theory is that...I’m honestly not sure how Toga will take Uraraka’s offer. Because having someone in her life who understands her and is willing to offer her blood was, once upon a time, everything Toga ever wanted. But now there’s a bigger question on her mind that Uraraka hasn’t really answered properly yet.

What will she do with Toga? What will happen to Toga if she goes along with whatever Uraraka wants her to do now?

This is basically my biggest and only remaining concern for this plot-line: Toga still absolutely believes she’ll be sent to death row if she’s captured, and her prospects genuinely don’t look good from an objective view. And when Toga brings this up, Uraraka…doesn’t really go against her claim. I mean she makes clear she doesn’t want to murder Toga like Hawks did Jin; but her still going to death row seems a part “the obvious truth for both of [them]” and she “can’t wipe [Toga’s] slate clean”. So what will/can she do for Toga’s very real fear for her life?

It's possible Uraraka doesn’t have any good answer for that. I know some readers are interpreting the dialogue to think she does, that she’ll keep Toga from going to prison if Toga gives up; but putting myself in Toga’s shoes, it doesn’t sound like she’s willing or ready to go against the legal grain like that. And if she doesn’t then, for as much as she’d like that lifetime’s worth of blood, Toga may not give up here if she thinks her lifetime will be a few weeks that way. Heartbreaking as that’d be for her. (Which makes the drama queen in me consider this outcome even more.)

And also just in general, when the Todoroki’s fumbled saving Dabi as bad as they did; I can’t help but doubt Ochako’s chances of fully reaching to Toga in turn just a little.

Although…all that being said; Uraraka’s specific terms on the blood offering™ aren’t for Toga’s surrender. That’s just all of us reading between the lines, and maybe even jumping the gun. Ochako is asking to talk about love, so there may be a twist to expectations there where Toga still fulfills her end of the bargain without just giving up the fight for her life in exchange for blood.

What might come from that I can’t say. Well besides maybe discussing Uraraka’s feelings for Deku but I don’t know anything interesting that’d come from that. Although, maybe it’ll come back around to Toga’s fear for her life if she brings up her loved one, Twice, getting killed by a hero and who Toga is trying to avenge. And maybe this’ll get Uraraka to contemplate the kind of double standard she & her side have been applying to which actions warrant consequences. I mean if Hawks & Endeavor got off scot-free for their wrong doings (not to mention the currently ongoing Operation: Kill Shigaraki); maybe being lenient with the League in turn would be fair. That’s one way I think their conversation could go anyway.

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calciumcryptid · 9 months ago

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How do you feel about a we are au where Phum and Kluen end up good friends all of a sudden? After, like, a few weeks pass of Phum dating Peem.

Like, suddenly people are starting to see them together, hanging out and talking calmly, even smiling amusingly at each other— like they are having fun. And Phum’s friends are confused, because is this the Phum that would tense and look like he’s a minute away from hissing at Kluen everytime he appeared? Is this the Kluen that would smile dryly at Phum and mostly ignore him?

It could a fun idea, especially with scenes where maybe Toey or even Q think Kluen might be bothering Phum so they kind of try to fend him off, and Phum is like, “Guys, no need.” He’s just so confused at their defensive stances, and THEY are so confused with his easy-going energy.

Oh, imagine Fang’s reaction fuehdjrhejjd I wouldn’t even think. Or Beer’s.

Peem is especially the most confused. Kluen went from trying to seek him to seeking his boyfriend, who was so jealous of Kluen not a long time ago. Now they are spotted at Aunt Pui’s cafe??? Drinking their coffee together and having winded convos?? With hand gestures and all???

Like a 5+1 type of fic; five times Phum and Kluen were seen together and that one time they reveal they are actually friends.

I saw your post about writing a fic in Kluen’s pov and I thought: Yeah, sure, I personally made Kluen kind of a bad guy in my omegaverse fic, but just because it’s plot relevant for very important scenes. I don’t dislike the guy that much tbh.

And this idea seems fun. Like, Peem asking Phum about it after a while, kind of cautiously because he doesn’t know how to breach the subject (He doesn’t want to give Phum the impression that it’s a wrong thing, this new development with Kluen. It’s just shocking.)

And Phum just blinking at him, and then going, “Well, I was trying to make peace with him for you, because I know you guys get along. 🥺 But then I realized we actually have a lot in common. I guess it just happened.”

I just imagine Peem going oh, and then being so very proud that Phum did that. That he and also Kluen got over all the petty stuff and got to know each other for real, and now they are friends!!

When he tells Phum that, Phum makes a “☺️” face that quickly morphs into a smirk, and says, “He’s not that bad, yeah. He liked you, after all. No one who likes you is bad.”

Peem flicks his nose, cheeks redder, and mutters, “Shut up, you.”

But Phum can see the fondness in his face.

This… is a long one. I just had to get the plot bunnies out after I saw your post. (I hope you’re having a wonderful week. ✨)

!!!

Cole, you have no idea how much I love the concept of Phum and Kluen being on good terms whether in a frenemies way or in a genuine friendship way!

Mainly because I think Phum deserves even more friends, and I believe Kluen deserves some good in his life after the confusion he went through at the volunteer camp. Plus, I am always down for more architect and engineering friendships.

Oh gods, everyone's reactions! I know Q and Toey would be concerned and defensive, we saw them when Kluen talked to Peem for three seconds at that art store and how Toey dashed off. I can see Fang getting defensive too for his little brother, even willing to punch Kluen if it comes down to it!

Now if you don't mind me pushing my BeerKluen agenda a little more I like to imagine one of Phum and Kluen's little meetings happening like this.

Beer: *leaves*

Kluen: All I'm saying is your best friend is hot.

Phum: Stop it!

Plus, you saw the energy Kluen carried in the show sometimes. I think Kluen and Phum should be petty and judgemental together instead of at each other.

Oh gods, Phum using the conversation with Peem as a chance to flirt, that made me so soft.

For the record, I don't think Kluen is a bad guy in your fic. Antagonistic? Yeah, but Q makes it clear to the audience Omega!Kluen needs to work through some stuff. I don't think Kluen is any different from canon, just returning Phum's (honestly kinda vile) energy a little more during the volunteer camp. I love Phum, I love that he can be an asshole, but he was an absolute ass during the volunteer camp arc.

(I am having a wonderful week, as my fall break is about to start Wednesday! I hope you land that job!)

#thunder-point #ask #phumpeem #we are #we are series #we are the series #beerkluen #kluen we are #phum we are

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frostfall-matches · 11 months ago

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[ matchmaking... ]

@sugutoad : [ match report ready ]

your match is…

✦ Todoroki Shoto

-> [ Sometimes your sarcasm and dry humor completely fly over his head. ] Bless his heart. The poor guy has the hardest time picking up on subtext. Remember when Mt. Lady was doing that mock interview with him? That’s how it plays out at least half the time when you make jokes around him. Shoto just takes things a little too seriously, believing your words to be genuine as you make some offhand comment with a completely straight face… but that’s fine, because honestly it makes you laugh. Don’t worry, though - over time he does learn the nuances in your tone and expression and is able to pick up when you’re being sarcastic.

-> [ You become each other’s safe spaces. ] While you’re both a bit particular about who is allowed into your hearts, being guarded and not the best with words, both of you have a lot of love buried deep in your hearts. You strive to be a warm, supportive, comforting presence in each other’s lives. You’re able to provide him a judgment-free space where he can open up and process his complicated emotions about his family and past, while he’s more than willing to be your rock who shares your burdens and supports and protects you.

-> [ Shoto is a good asset to have when you fall into your overthinking habits. ] He’s quick to notice when your mind is running in circles by the restlessness fidgeting and the way your brows furrow together - and he’s blunt enough to tell you that fixating on things isn’t going to change the situation. It might frustrate you at times, depending on the particular issue your mind is gnawing on, but he’s genuinely not trying to be dismissive of your concerns. His heart aches when he sees you cracking under the pressure of your stress and he wants to help. He’s good at helping you come up with solutions and plans of actions; if all else fails, he’s surprisingly good at finding distractions for you.

-> [ He honestly loves the types of domestic, relaxing dates that you’re into. ] Really, he just loves basking in your presence and indulging in your attention being focused on him - it doesn’t matter what you two are doing, so long as this time is dedicated to one another. Shoto probably won’t initiate a lap pillow session (unless he overheard Kaminari and Sero chattering about how amazing it would be to rest their head on a girl’s soft lap), but you could very easily nudge him to lay his head down during a picnic and he’d go right along with it even if he was a bit confused. That said, you have him totally hooked as soon as you start running your fingers through his hair.

-> [ Little by little, Shoto helps you reinforce the foundation of your self esteem. ] Perhaps you’ll always struggle with knowing your worth; it’s hard to look outside of you and see what other people see in you sometimes. But dear Shoto always looks at you with such awe, an affection in his gaze that you never expected to see directed your way. He adores all these things about yourself that you believed didn’t matter, weren’t worthy of love. Perhaps it doesn’t make a huge difference in the moment, but over time you can’t help but grow protective of these aspects of you that Shoto places such importance on.

Ship tropes ->

always calm x always stressed

clueless x pining

similar childhood trauma

your best friend…

✦ Bakugo Katsuki

-> [ You encourage the best and the worst in each other. ] Your desire to be kind and supportive balances out Katsuki’s sharper edges (over time), while Katsuki’s straightforwardness and no-nonsense attitude can quell some of your worries when you start overthinking. However, both of you have a tendency towards anger and perfectionism - these traits can easily flare up when you’re around each other too often. Each of you might also excuse certain behaviors since you’re friends, even if those behaviors aren’t very healthy or productive.

-> [ A rocky friendship at times. ] You’re sensitive and even small harsh words are enough to make you teary-eyed, and Katsuki can be very… harsh. The more you get to know him, the easier it is for you to brush things off since you realize he’s more bark than bite around his friends, that he truly does care about you deep down but doesn’t always express it nicely. Still, his words can upset you at times. Besides that, though, the two of you genuinely have each other’s backs.

-> [ Spicy food buddies! ] Sometimes you two get together and cook something (though Katsuki will eventually shoo you out of the kitchen because you can be a bit hopeless when it comes to cooking and he does not have the patience for that); other times you hit up a restaurant known for their spicy dishes, each ordering a different dish so you guys can share and try them both out. He might make it into a competition at times, though, which you both may or may not regret at the end.

#exchange #user matchup #deadass almost matched you with hawks which would have been hilarious #bnha

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a-queenoffairys · 1 year ago

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if you're the sort of person who gets upset when anyone says anything negative about jerlita or jeremie, please don't read this post. if you're fine with that and enjoy critical discussion, hell yeah let's go

At the start of the series, everyone believes Aelita isn't human. Although her friends treat her like a human for the most part, there's generally this sense of otherness about the way she understands things. And then she begins life in the real world, and despite all her preparation leading up to it, she's still naïve and needs to rely on her friends to teach her how to get by. Her friends slip up sometimes and treat her differently without thinking about it, or sometimes they have to treat her differently because of what she is (like explaining the difference between human memory and her AI memory). There's this sense that Aelita is less than human, even to the point of Aelita being self-sacrificing, repeatedly being willing to give up her own life in order to save a "real human."

Jeremie is the one who fabricates her new identity, presumably hacking into government systems to get her information on there. And we joke about how he could have gotten the money to pay her tuition, but genuinely, where is the money coming from? Not just for tuition but also for clothes, supplies, decorations for her room - those probably would have been paid for in cash, not a hackable electronic transfer. You could say that the others pitched in and used their allowances to buy those things for her, but does that mean she'll need to keep coming to them when she needs spending money? Regardless, tuition is the big one and Kadic is expensive, so I'd say it's safe to assume Jeremie did some hacking to pay it. Ergo, Jeremie is also in control of Aelita's finances.

Aelita is Odd's fake family but they don't actually know that she exists. She doesn't really have anyone outside the school or her friend group who she can fall back on for help. It's like her same-age friends are her de facto legal guardians.

Then there's Aelita's dependence on Jeremie to keep working hard to free her from Lyoko and XANA. That ties into this idea I've seen over and over that Jeremie is Aelita's saviour, he gave Aelita her new life and she owes him a debt of gratitude.

Like…that's a lot of power he has over her, right? She wouldn't be able to live on Earth if it weren't for him. So then you circle back to that debt of gratitude idea and think about how the one big thing Jeremie would really like from Aelita is a romantic relationship…

So, what if Aelita eventually realises she doesn't reciprocate his feelings?

I'm sure there are a lot of people who would say something like, well he'd be sad at first, but he'd accept her decision and continue supporting her anyway because he does this out of the kindness of his heart, not so he'll get something in return. And if you firmly believe that, that's fine. I wish I could fully believe that too. But what if?

While it's true that Jeremie is indeed sweet and kindhearted a lot of the time, he does have flaws too. He's shown to be jealous and possessive when confronted with the idea of Aelita being with another boy, and on multiple occasions he's been somewhat controlling, trying to dissuade Aelita from participating in hobbies he has no interest in. He usually comes around by the end of the episode, but initially he can be unsupportive and even order her to stay and work on what he wants to do instead. (This gets very concerning when it bleeds over into fandom and you find people who get mad about Aelita disobeying Jeremie even when he's in the wrong, but I digress.) (And that's not to say that Aelita is a flawless person either, she's not the "perfect angel who can do no wrong" some fans see her as, but I'm pointing out some of Jeremie's flaws here because he holds the power in the relationship.)

So I don't think the answer to the question is as cut-and-dry as "he would definitely be supportive no matter how she feels," I think there's at least some room for doubt. Jeremie gave Aelita her new life on Earth and he theoretically has the power to sabotage it if he wants to. When you think about all this stuff, it's hard not to imagine Aelita might be under some sort of pressure to begin a romantic relationship with Jeremie, either out of obligation after all he's done for her, or a perceived need to appease him so he won't take it all away. And I can also imagine Aelita needing to take Jeremie's potential reaction into account and/or needing his permission whenever she wants to make certain life decisions, and that's not great.

It's a complicated issue for sure, since dependent relationships do exist in real life and aren't inherently abusive, and there is that necessity: Aelita wouldn't be able to establish a life on Earth without everything Jeremie has done. It's just concerning when you think of it like, Aelita's future is contingent on Jeremie continuing to be nice to her.

I don't want to minimise Jeremie's efforts or make him out to be a bad person, he has his faults but it's still a wonderful thing he did for Aelita, putting so much time and effort into freeing her from Lyoko and XANA. And these two are very sweet together when they are getting along. But I also don't want to ignore his flaws and act like there's nothing negative about this ship, like they don't butt heads sometimes, like this power imbalance doesn't exist. Ulumi usually gets a bad rep as a "toxic ship" because checks notes they bicker sometimes and are involved in love triangles, but at least they're equals. With Jerlita there's layers of stuff going on and yet I rarely see people talking about it.

girl help I fell down a rabbit hole thinking about the power imbalance inherent in j*erlita's relationship and I can't get out

#jeremie belpois salt #if you want to blacklist that I guess #code lyoko #reblubs disabled bc I know what people are like #I didn't end up expanding on the ep57 thing but #it's aelita dealing with recognising her humanity after thinking she was AI and lesser for so long #and dealing with her recovered memories #coming into her own as a full person #so when she asks for help and jeremie denies it to her she takes matters into her own hands #she felt like he wasn't seeing or hearing her and she had every right to feel upset and to fulfil her needs on her own (& odd)#some people act like she only did it to spite jeremie and not...for the reasons she explicitly stated on screen. that's stupid #and it's not like that was the first or last time she disobeyed him so I disagree with people who say it was OOC #and so many fans insisting she needed jeremie's permission to go to lyoko; her former home #like yes it's dangerous but the idea that he has the final say and the power to prevent her from doing what she needs to do? 😬#egh

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nataliaphantomhivesblog · 4 years ago

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Newsflash: Dazai cares for Chuuya

Before reading any further, I will be talking about stormbringer, so spoilers ahead!! Translation credits go out to: @popopretty on tumblr, make sure to give this kind human some love and appreciation<3

Also if you want to read the first few chapters of stormbringer: @buraihatranslations is currently translating it, give them much love and appreciation as well, they deserve it!!

Honestly, I have been so obsessed with Soukoku lately and I think the reason behind this is because when it comes to Soukoku, their feelings for each other are not as easy to grasp as love or hate, it is much more profound than that. There is care, hurt, trust, resentment, companionship, bitterness, and consideration...And ironically enough, thats just the tip of the iceberg.

If we break down their individual feelings towards each other, it will be easier to understand their bond.

On Chuuya's end, his feelings are much more clear due to his expressive personality. He wears his emotions on his sleeves, he can try and hide what he feels towards Dazai but his true feelings tend to unravel easily.

He sometimes tries to mask his feelings towards Dazai by throwing insults, but his facial expressions are enough to contradict what he is saying.

Chuuya's feelings towards Dazai can be easier to comprehend. He obviously feels this certain betrayal due to the fact Dazai left the Port Mafia. Not to mention, he and Dazai have always had a rivalry relationship.

In the Soukoku wiki page, it is stated that Chuuya is aware of Dazai not experiencing a proper childhood, therefore allows him to act as childish as he can and lets him tease him relentlessly. I don't know how reliable this source is, but either way I think its worthy enough to add.

In the Dragon head conflict when Dazai was out of sight, Chuuya told Mori to forget about Dazai. That was until Hirotsu mentioned a microscope, Chuuya quickly realizes it was code language because he remembered a previous conversation where Dazai says he needs a microscope to be able to see Chuuya properly.

The moment he figured out it was a tracker, Chuuya did not hesitate to jump in and rescue Dazai. But here is the catch: No one but Chuuya knew about the microscope, if Chuuya really didn't care for Dazai he wouldn't have mentioned the microscope and kept all this under wraps, leaving Dazai in a mess.

Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life. He never hesitates to leave his life on Dazai's hands when it has to come to it. Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for years, for Chuuya to be able to trust Dazai that much is because Dazai also cares for him too, right?

The answer here is yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya. In a superficial level, it doesn't seem like Dazai truly cares, but I can assure you that he does care for him. Weather you like to think of his care in a platonic or romantic manner, the care Dazai has for Chuuya is undeniable and extremely significant for Dazai's character.

I think that stormbringer establishes this idea even further. There is one specific moment in this light novel that shows his genuine concern towards Chuuya's well being:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right, the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

This section in stormbringer is personally one of my favorites, this is a very rare moment between both of them, but especially for Dazai. Like I stated earlier Chuuya wears his emotions on his sleeves, therefore even if he tries to mask his care with insults, its still painfully noticable that he genuienly looks after Dazai. Chuuya also sometimes show a vulnerable side of himself to Dazai, especially after using corruption.

Dazai on the other hand is extremely unreadable. Its hard to understand his true intentions and if he really cares for people or only sees them as a pawn. In this moment though, Dazai was being painfully genuine. Dazai literally prioritized Chuuya over the mission. He was already thinking of coming up with an alternative plan just in case Chuuya refused, obviously the sucess rate of the alternative plan would be lesser than the actual plan Dazai had in mind, he choose Chuuya's wellbeing over a mission.

In this section, Dazai wasn't throwing jokes or witty remarks, he was being serious. Because Dazai knows how desperately Chuuya wants to be human. He knows how important being human is to Chuuya.

Dazai wasn't manipulating Chuuya by giving him the chance to decide, we can see that Dazai was literally showing a lot of hesitation when mentioning this to him, we also get to see what Dazai was thinking, and we can tell he wasn't thinking about manipulative his movements in any way. All of this wasn't coming out of manipulation, it was coming out of pure care.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounded like the metal was kicked by the sole of someones shoes. The moment Dazai realized what the sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

"Trying to act cool, huh?" Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned on his radio and sent out his order. "Chuuya has sallied, everyone get ready for battle."

I personally love this part so much, relief washed over Dazai the moment he noticed that Chuuya was going to go through with the first plan, which proves my point that he wasn't manipulating him and how Dazai was under a lot of stress because he wasn't sure if the alternative plan would be as effective as his original one.

Yet he still was willing to go through the alternative plan if Chuuya refused, because Dazai values him and regards his wellbeing.

Dazai was being surprisingly gentle in this section, he was being honest. There was no ulterior motive behind his actions here, just a boy looking after his partner.

"So i'm going to send an order to my men to prepare for action... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." Chuuya turned to Dazai. "Why are you asking me such a thing?"

Dazai didn't answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It's like he was trying to say something, but he had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression he rarely shows.

This was right before Dazai drops the bomb to Chuuya about the memory erasure command. He was even asking for Chuuya's opinion on sending his men to get ready, this was the first time Dazai ever showed actual concern without masking it with witty remarks. You can tell that Chuuya isn't used to this.

And when you think about it, when Dazai and Chuuya have missions together, Dazai always uses corruption as a last resort and he always allows Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not.

I personally belive that the main reason Chuuya trusts Dazai with using corruption is because The Sheep used to exploit his powers too much, but Dazai leaves the decision to use corruption up to Chuuya. Dazai understands the physical and mental toll corruption takes on Chuuya and therefore leaves the choice up to him.

Theres another section in stormbringer that I really enjoy, it doesn't necessairly show solicitude but I still think this should still be taken into consideration:

"You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don't you?"

"I am," Dazai laughed with a sigh. "There is no way a man-made code could create such a personality that I detest so much."

Throughout the whole story, Dazai is more than determined that Chuuya is human. The main reason Dazai finds Chuuya so intresting is because of how frighteningly human Chuuya can be, because of the fact that he always wears his emotions on his sleeves, something Dazai rarely does himself. Thats personally a nice sentiment from Dazai's end, even when Chuuya struggles completely when it comes to believing in his own humanity, Dazai still can't help but see him as a human being.

Also I am aware that Dazai literally said he detests Chuuya here but he also sighed and laughed while stating this, showing us that he isn't being serious about hating him.

And its not only in stormbringer were he shows his concern towards Chuuya. In fact, in this following manga pannel Dazai is telling Chuuya that if he is willing to listen him, he will stage his own escape so that Chuuya doesn't get punnished.

Honestly, if Dazai didn't care enough for Chuuya, he wouldn't have mentioned this to him. Chuuya didn't care enough to realize that he literally unwillingly freed Dazai which would get the pm mad at him, so the fact that Dazai is literally helping him out is no doubt out of care for him. If Dazai didn't have any regard for Chuuya he would've not staged his escape or mentioned anything to Chuuya, eventually incriminating him.

There are many misconceptions when it comes to Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya, people think that he doesn't care for him due to the fact that he left the Port Mafia, leaving Chuuya behind. But heres the thing: Dazai's intentions had nothing to do with Chuuya. He left the organization for his own good, he left it to fullfill Oda's wish.

"If Dazai cared for Chuuya then why didn't he take Chuuya with him?" the reason is simple, he knows how much the PM means to Chuuya. In stormbringer it is shown that Chuuya feels as if his humanity is attached to the people he is loyal to, in this case its the port mafia. Verlaine wanted to get rid of the pm because he believed that the pm is what kept Chuuya's humanity, eventually making Chuuya believe that he is only human if he stays loyal to the pm. Dazai knows this. Thats exactly why he didn't take Chuuya with him or even explains to Chuuya why he left, he knows it would be selfish to basically rip Chuuya's sense of humanity apart.

I have a feeling that if Dazai told Chuuya about the real reason he left the Port Mafia, Chuuya will not only feel conflicted about being in the pm, but he would also have an inner conflict with himself as a human.

People also think Dazai may not really care for him because of the fact that after the fight against Lovecraft he actualy deserted him, maybe that part was truly just supposed to be seen as simple humor, but either way I want to talk about it. Chuuya's only request to Dazai was to take him back to base safe, so why did Dazai leave Chuuya behind?

I mean he has carried Chuuya back to saftey before with no problem, for example in stormbringer when Chuuya uses corruption for the first time Dazai carries him back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so that he could say goodbye to his passing friends.

The reson behind this is because Mori needs to know that unlike Dazai, Chuuya is absolutely loyal to him. Leaving Chuuya the way he did will make Mori believe that these two really are at each others throats and that Dazai is insignificant to Chuuya. Making it seem that for Chuuya, the mafia comes first before anything else.

Therefore Dazai established Chuuya's saftey within the mafia since not only does Mori want these two to be hostile with each other, he doesn't want Chuuya to eventually turn against him if he truly found out more about Dazai's true reason of departure. Then again, this isn't canon but it is a logical assumption.

Not to mention that although Dazai did leave him behind, he folded Chuuya's coat and hat before taking his leave. There is also an an extra chapter where Ozaki Kouyou was talking with Chuuya but when he left he forgot his coat, which made Kouyou came across the coat; where she noticed a badge sewed inside saying "Name: Hatrack", she smiled fondly thinking to herself that some things just never change, in this case, Dazai and Chuuya's bond.

Dazai literally took his time to sew this into his coat just to tease him, it was a simple gesture but it shows us how their dynamic will never change. No matter what these two go through, they will always share a bond that consists on teasing, trust and underlying care.

All of this actually makes that theory of Dazai planting a bomb under Chuuya's car for the sole reason that the PM doesn't find Chuuya as an acomplice who aided Dazai on his escape much more feasable.

For Dazai to just plant a bomb under Chuuya's car with no motive makes no sense because if Dazai's true intentions were to simply mess with Chuuya, he would've most likely made it clear at that time. Dazai always has an underlying motive behind his actions, and in this case it is very likely that he did that for Chuuya's sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that the bomb incident could've just been a comedic moment and I shouldn't look too much into it, but there is still a posibility, right?

These two hold so much trust and care for one another, yet they also hold a lot of bitterness and resentment. In the end the good aspects of their dynamic outweighs the bad.

Either you see these two in a platonic or romantic way, you can't tell me that their bond isn't significant.

Thank you so much for reading!! I wanted to talk about this for a while because I feel like people misinterpret Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya a lot so I hope this clears up things a bit<3

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lubdubsworld · 4 years ago

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⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆

Chapter 1

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.

Rating : 21+

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is.

When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.

Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.

Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.

It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?

I glanced at the article again.

The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.

I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.

And then my eyes reached the end of the article.

Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.

I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.

But it was impossible.

It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.

I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.

I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.

I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.

But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.

And then Jungkook had happened.

Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .

But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.

Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.

A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.

I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.

Showtime, I thought with a grimace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.

“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”

My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.

With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.

Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.

“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.

I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.

“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely. She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.

“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.

“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.

“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.

“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while. We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”

His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.

How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?

“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.

“is that a problem?” he asked.

I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.

“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.

“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.

“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.

“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.

“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.

“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.

“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.

“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.

“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”

I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.

“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .

“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”

“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.

“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.

“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.

“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”

I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.

“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.

“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.

“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”

He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.

“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.

Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.

“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.

“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.

“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .

“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.

“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.

I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.

“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.

But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..

The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.

“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”

I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.

Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.

“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.

“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .

“I’d carry you.” He said simply.

“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.

“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”

“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”

His gaze dipped to my lap.

“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.

“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”

And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.

Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.

I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.

It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called Jungkook that evening.

It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.

“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.

“Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”

“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.

“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .

Silence followed for a few seconds.

“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.

“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.

“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.

Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.

“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.

Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.

“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong. She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”

God I wanted to strangle him.

“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.

“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”

I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.

“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”

“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.

I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.

“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.

“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements and you have to have a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”

Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?

“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.

“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”

“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.

“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Alright.”

Silence again. I exhaled shakily.

“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.

“Good night, Jungkook.”

Click.

I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.

She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.

Well, so did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth always surprised you.

“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.

“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.

He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.

“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.

“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.

“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.

“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.

“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.

“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.

“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”

“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.

My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”

Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.

“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.

“You remember.” I said, pleased.

“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”

“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.

“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.

“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”

“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”

I shook my head.

“Oppa…”

“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.

I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.

But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.

“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.

Namjoon grinned.

“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.

“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.

“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.

He laughed.

“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have a nice picnic.”

“Namjoon, I can’t…”

“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”

It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.

I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.

/Jungkook called me back almost at once.

“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.

“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.

“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.

“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”

I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?

“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.

Oh.

“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.

“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.

“No. Why?”

“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.

“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.

“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.

“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.

“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”

I stayed quiet and so did he.

“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.

“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”

I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.

“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .

Jungkook didn’t reply.

“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.

I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.

“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.

“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.

“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.

“That’s nice. You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.

After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”

I frowned a bit.

“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”

Another pause.

“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.

“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.

“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”

Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.

“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”

“I need to go.”

“Alright.”

“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loneliness .

It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.

It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,

Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.

And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.

I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .

Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.

Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.

“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.

Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.

Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.

“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .

“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.

“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.

Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.

“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”

I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.

“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.

“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”

I nodded.

“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”

“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”

I leaned back to stare at him.

“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.

Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.

“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.

My heart turned over inside me.

“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.

“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.

“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.

“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”

I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.

“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Alright then.”

“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What?”

“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“

“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.

It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.

“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept

Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.

Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.

“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.

It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.

Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.

Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.

I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.

“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply.

I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.

“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”

She looked away.

“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.

“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”

Lisa didn’t respond.

“Jungkook knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.

“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.

“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.

“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”

She stared down at her feet.

“Yes. I’m greedy..” She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”

She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.

“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.

I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.

“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.

I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.

“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.

“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.

“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.

“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.

“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”

“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.

“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.

“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.

Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.

The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s

I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone, simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.

He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.

“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.

“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.

“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”

I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.

“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”

“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.

“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.

“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.

“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.

“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.

“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”

Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.

“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.

“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“

“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.

I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.

“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.

“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”

Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.

Sighing, I nodded.

“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”

“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.

I nodded.

“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”

“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.

Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.

“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”

“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”

“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”

I stared at him, biting my lips.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”

It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.

The smile faded.

“What?”

“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.

“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.

“Jungkook , I…”

“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“

“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “ All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.

I stared at him, horrified.

“Jungkook….”

“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”

My throat went dry.

“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”

“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.

“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“

“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.

Jungkook went completely still.

I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .

He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.

“ A girl?” He whispered.

I bit my lips, nodding.

“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.

“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.

Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.

I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.

I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.

“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to.

I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.

“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg.

ooh i don’t have a taglist for this so please comment if you wanna be on it.

#jungkook smut #jungkook fics #bts smut fics #bts smut #jungkook arranged marriage #bts arranged marriage au #bts fanfic #bts smut fic #bts fics

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howl-fantasies · 3 years ago

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Now that I think about it, [name] is kinda like batman 🤔

They both act totally whorish 😆, kinda goofy, but in reality those are all an act to hide their true level of skill and intelligence.

They are both dedicated their life to study all kinds of knowledge no matter how obscure.

They have also dedicated their life to protect Gotham, one way or another.

Both super paranoid, I'm willing to bet they have an emergency plan to save Gotham if ever aliens decided to come to Earth

They both have super emo-ish hot bitches, and they would literally adopt children left and right.

All [name] needs is to form herself a team of badguys, find herself a best friend that she has more chemistry with than her own lover (reference to the fact batman x green lantern (Hal), batman x Constantine, batman x superman have more chemistry than batman x Catwoman (based of animated series)).

🦇

Aaaah a very good comparison here too thank you so much for sharing it! 🦇

>> I think you're right, Y/N has many things in common with him when you look at it. They're like two sides of the same shady coin, him tending most of the time to the good side, and her the bad.

>> Luring people with their whorish - goofy personalities, hell yes! Though, Bruce is better than her at it I think since he had the chance to have a "healthy" - as much as it's possible in Gotham- family and normal/loving interactions with his parents. Y/N's goofy side is more calculated. You said once in one of your posts that she acts by mimicry, watching shows/games to get inspire by them and coping them later. I think it 100% accurate. Her whorish side is true though 😂 she's a proud bad bitch, like Bruce.

>> Even if the two have history, since I made them knowing each other since Bruce was a teenager, I think they respect each other because of their skills and fine intelligence. Even if Y/N is a villain, I'm pretty sure she'll be ok to help Batman sometimes, when Joker is threatening the whole city for example.

She's bad, yes, but working so long with Carmine convinced her to try to maintain a sort of good-bad balance for Gotham. So if she has to help Batman in order to preserve it, it's fine with her. Bruce figured it out and knows she does good work so, if he has to call her from time to time to save the city, so be it. She used to work a few times with the GCPD and Gordon when he was a kid, so she knows how to not blow everything around her and make things a bit more legal. Kind of.

>> Of course they have a plan to save the city if aliens decide to join their little party one day. After hearing about Superman, Y/N stole some kryptonite. Just in case it works on other aliens (does she call Clark Alienman? Of course she does.) She also coaxed Ed to work with her on finding other materials which would potentially weaken other forms of life after studying the properties of the kryptonite stone. They may or may not also be in contact with Lucius about it, since he also works on it for Bruce. The three make a weird nerdy trio on this topic, but collaborate surprisingly well together.

>> What is funny about Selina and Victor, is that they are a subject of tension between Bruce and Y/N. Bruce is sure Y/N can be "saved" if she throws Victor away and follow one hell of a therapy. He's clearly delusional since we saw Y/N was even worse without him, but I think the billionaire still genuinely wants to believe he would be able to help. A bit like he's delusional with Harley.

>> Concerning Selina, don't get Y/N wrong, she appreciates the girl, but it's killing her to see the kicked puppy's eyes Bruce has every time he talks to her or think about her. Kyle makes me think of Yennifer in how she manipulates Bruce to gain what she wants 😂. Catwoman loves Batman in a twisted and absolutely toxic way. Y/N respects that (Morticia vibes here). But hearing Batman chastising her about her non-healthy relationship with Zsasz makes her see red and she HAS, every TIME, to remind him he isn't that different with his leather lover girl. And she's right. She knows it, he knows and doesn't like it one bit.

>> The stray children thing is so funny and so right. Both of them make me think of teenagers from anime finding a cardbox full of stray cats and taking it home even if they don't have time nor experience to take care of them.

>> Hahaha! She'll have to work on her badboys team!

>> Concerning the best friend, I think Ed has the role so far.

>> The two make one hell of a team when they are on the same side and I love their jests. I think Y/N genuinely likes Edward and Riddler, even if she's a pest with them. She's feral with protecting Ed's most sensitive side from deceiving lovers. I mean look at him, he's so adorable it would be a shame to ruin his dorkness! He deserves a dorky lover as cutely weird as his softer side.

She also like Riddler's spice and enormous ego, he's a breeze of fresh air, truly. Their riddles contests never end well because she never gives him the answer he wants. But since they still make sense he has to recognize she has one valid answer, not that she's correct though. The most horrifying one for him still is the : "The more you cut me, the more I grow. What am I?" "Victor". See? Valid answer but not the one he wanted 🤣

What do you think about it? I love how you write their complicated relationship! Thank you so much for that too! 💐

#gotham #gotham imagine #gotham x reader #gotham fox #victor zsasz #victor zsasz imagine #victor zsasz x reader #gotham fandom #gotham villains #Batman fox #gotham bruce wayne #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne #selina kyle

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danteinthedevildom · 4 years ago

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There's a Chat in OM where Satan shows concern over Beel because he saw Beel talking to himself, crouched down in the garden, which Beel later reveals to have been him talking to a very frail plant he found because Mammon told him that talking to flowers helps them grow.

And what I adore about this is that it shows things about the brothers involved that we don't always get to see in the main game, or that are sometimes overlooked for the funny hijinks.

- Beel notices incredibly small details. The flower is small and hidden enough that Satan initially thinks he's talking to himself. He doesn’t actually see the plant at all. And Beel is the tallest brother, so it's not as if his height would be any help to him noticing something on the ground that's small, hidden, and frail, especially when he’s doing a task like watering the garden. That’s just a job to be done, and most people would pay more attention to where the water’s going and how much there’s left to do than they would to each individual flower. He must have been paying genuinely close attention to his surroundings to even notice it to begin with.

- Beel's care for things extends even to nature. He talks to the plant because he wants to help it grow. It's just a small, dying flower, one of however many there are in the House’s garden; there’s no reason to fret over it when there’s probably plenty of other flowers around it, and maybe even flowers of the same species.

But Beel’s genuinely invested in bringing it back to health. He’s seen this tiny, sickly, insignificant flower, and his first thought is to make it better. It's why he later clarifies the situation to MC, asking for more help, because the flower hasn't shown any signs of improvement.

(Very quietly, it makes me wonder if part of the reason he does this is guilt. Maybe Beel just doesn’t like to see things that are dying.)

- Despite how the brothers act towards Mammon most of the time, Beel fully takes on his advice. He spends days talking to the flower because Mammon told him that's something that might work, and it's only when the flower hasn't gotten better that he seeks more help.

At no point did he question this advice. At no point did he think that the “scummy” second-born would say something stupid, or irrelevant, or unhelpful. Mammon told him to talk to the plant, and he so did.

He says that he asked because Mammon was nearby, but at any time he could have just walked right past him, found someone else, and asked them. He could have completely ignored the fact that Mammon was there - especially considering how little the brothers tend to think of his ideas, to begin with - and found someone “more competent”. But he didn’t.

Which means he genuinely has no issues turning to Mammon for help. He genuinely thinks Mammon can give competent advice.

Out of all the brothers, Beel is usually the best when it comes to their overall treatment of the second-born, so maybe that isn’t surprising - but he can be derisive as well.

So it's nice to see, in a situation where it was just the two of them, without the antagonising influence of the others, Beel show he's more than willing to listen to Mammon as a voice of authority and knowledge - especially over something he's worried about. He respects and trusts what Mammon says, and believes it.

- Mammon saw Beel worried over a plant - something small and insignificant that has no greater purpose in the world and hosts no real interest for either of them - and gave him the best genuine advice he could.

Mammon likely doesn't actually know how to care for sick plants, but wanted to try and give Beel something to work with. We know he cares for his brothers deeply - almost (if not exactly) to the point of self sacrifice - so it's not a stretch at all to say he probably suggested talking to the plant in full seriousness, hoping it would help Beel.

It's a common piece of advice, after all. I've heard people say it all the time, from the most amateur gardener to the most professional; talking to your plants keeps them happy and helps them grow.

The bit that really gets me about it, though, is the fact that Mammon... knew it? Out of all things, you'd expect him to care about gardening the least - and to suggest talking to a plant even less. It goes completely against his image, but not against what we know of Mammon as a kind and caring (as well as emotional) demon beneath the facade.

Him, in a similar position to Beel, crouched down low and out of sight to murmur quietly to a plant he thinks needs an extra boost, is well within the spectrum of things Mammon would do but deny doing if caught.

And I just think it's sweet, imagining him passing on advice he's used in the past over a similar thing he might have done to try and help his clearly worried little brother.

- Satan, in a chat with Solomon and MC, shows genuine care and concern towards Beel.

His first instinct is to ask MC and Solomon if they might know what’s going on. He’s noticed a pattern of behaviour that’s unusual for Beel - “sitting out in the garden, mumbling to himself”, to quote him directly - and once it’s gotten to a point that he’s worried, he asks if anyone else knows what’s wrong.

It shows a fair bit of forethought, too. Satan didn’t immediately assume something was up, didn’t immediately dogpile on Beel; he let it play out, keeping a close eye, until it went on for long enough that he thought it might be something bigger. He’s often shown as being thoughtful about how others might react to things (at least, when he’s not enraged), but it’s interesting to see the actual depth of not only his caring, but his understanding of emotional states and how to handle them.

Satan isn’t heartless. If he notices something wrong, he’s very likely to approach the person in question (or people he trusts) with his concerns in a very gentle manner explicitly to avoid overwhelming them. He actively cares enough to pay attention to the people around him, and to notice when someone starts acting differently.

This is especially sweet when it comes to Beel. The brothers have a tendency to treat Beel as the big, gentle giant who doesn’t have a worry in the world except for what he wants to eat. He’s quiet, complains little, and shoulders so many burdens in stride that they often overlook his struggles - if they’re even aware that they exist, because Beel loves his family so much he tries to avoid troubling them.

The fact, then, that Satan not only noticed, not only inquired about his health, but then - when Solomon and MC suggest that maybe Beel’s stressed out and bottling up his emotions - openly says this:

Just shows so much love. The game sometimes overlooks just how much Satan loves his family, but this? This shows it, without a doubt.

- Satan messages the chat with Solomon in it.

This surprised me when I went back to look over the conversation; I genuinely remembered it as him talking to Levi, for some reason. Beyond that, if you asked me who I thought it’d be that he questioned for information regarding Beel’s health, it wouldn’t be Solomon that immediately jumped to mind.

In this situation, you’d think it’d make more sense for him to ask MC and Asmo (who he’s shown to have a very close and affectionate relationship with), or maybe MC and Belphie (who would probably be the first demon anyone should go to regarding Beel, and who Satan definitely gets on with).

As far as I’ve seen - which, admittedly, I’m not caught up on any of the Human World events from the main game beyond spoilers I’ve looked up - there’s not a lot of, if any, interactions between Beel and Solomon? Most of them are Solomon trying to give Beel food, and Beel trying to foister that food off onto someone else because Solomon’s cooking is one of the few things he can’t stomach.

So maybe it says more about Satan’s relationship with Solomon. Looking back through the chats, Solomon feels comfortable enough with Satan to outright ask him if he’s kissed MC (in the chat where Luke overheard Satan and MC talking about K.I.S.S.), and Satan doesn’t react negatively even though it’s a genuinely personal question.

Likewise, Satan, when furious over one of his dramas, immediately turns to the chat with MC and Solomon in it. He explicitly states that he doesn’t know what to do with the feelings he’s got left over from the cliffhanger, and wants to talk it over with the two humans. Which is interesting in two ways:

+ It shows that Satan is comfortable enough when angry to go to Solomon and MC, confident that they won’t actively make it worse (which is always possible when it comes to Satan’s Wrath once it’s ignited).

+ It shows that Satan’s more than happy to talk about how he feels in front of Solomon, and actively engaging him in that discussion. Yes, it’s only over a drama, but you don’t often turn to someone you don’t trust when you want to vent over something you’re passionate about.

There’s a fair bit of trust between them, I think, regardless of how either of them are typically viewed. Plus, the chat’s called Cat (3). It’s almost definitely just a pun, but the fact that a chat with Solomon and MC in it is also named after the one thing that can soothe Satan from an outright rage (as we’ve seen both in OtakuFM and in the main game) is interesting in what it implies about their relationship with him.

So, back to what I originally pondered: why did he go to Solomon and MC when he was concerned about Beel, and not Belphie (Beel’s twin, most likely to know what he’s up to) or Asmo (who lives at the House and is absolutely more likely to have seen Beel in the garden)?

He trusts Solomon and MC enough to take the matter seriously, with discretion.

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me beelzebub #obey me satan #obey me solomon

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mbti-notes · 4 years ago

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INFJ. Processing past Fe failures. Want to get better at socializing / having deeper relationships/friendships. Muddling through Ti development - desiring to get better at self-awareness + communication. A lot in my brain and it'd be a lot to share the entirety of recent exchanges that have ended up in failed relationships, so I'll try asking this and hope it's enough to get critical thinking help from you, thank you much in advance. (1/2)

[con't: I notice a pattern of me trying to communicate and express myself to be understand by, or be emotionally met by Fi users, and them responding by saying things like "I don't know what you want from me", "I don't know how to help you," "I'm sorry you feel that way" or them even saying variations of "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" (ENTJ) if I express that I feel dismissed, uncomfortable, or disrespected.

This isn't ALL Fi users thank God & I'm in therapy now to address my downplaying of my emotional needs, being willing to work through anything even though the romantic relationships I'm attracting are woefully incompatible or unhealthy. But I want to get better at doing my part to increase the chance of relationships building. What am I doing/expecting/judging in my communication with Fi users so they respond that way or has me feeling being unseen/misunderstood? Is it the basic INFJ recs?]

You point to Fi specifically. Fi doesn't require outside validation, so perhaps what you're encountering is their lack of concept of outside validation, in the manner that you're seeking it with Fe.

All of those example statements sound like they could be taken sincerely. "I don't know what you want from me" could be an opportunity for you to better explain what you need/want. "I don't know how to help you" could be an opportunity for you to provide better instructions. "I'm sorry you feel that way" could be a helpless admission that the two of you don't see things the same way. "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" could be an indication that there is a need to investigate the big gap between what was perceived and what was actually intended.

Not everyone is going to see eye-to-eye with you, not everyone is going to agree with your version of events, not everyone is going to care about your needs and feelings enough to address them kindly and patiently. This should all be okay with you unless you were walking around expecting everyone out there to have the capacity to meet you emotionally or validate your emotions (unhealthy Fe)? That's simply not gonna happen, so it's an unreasonable expectation. That's why it's so important that YOU be the first to take care of yourself and own your emotions, set proper personal boundaries, and navigate interpersonal boundaries more gracefully.

If you feel someone has violated your boundary (i.e. you feel hurt by them), the answer isn't to violate theirs in return. You're trying to fix a problem in the relationship, so further damaging the relationship isn't going to help. Whether you are right to feel hurt is not the main issue. Feelings themselves are always true and tell you something true about you. However, what you DO about the feelings isn't always right. There are two main ways people deal with negative feelings: 1) bottle them up, which amounts to self-harm, or 2) express them, which opens up the possibility of doing harm to others, if they don't have the means to process your feelings. Neither way is ideal.

If your main approach is to expect people to change (when they can't or don't want to), expect them to give you more than they are capable of giving (due to not having the means or resources), expect them to understand something that they are not really capable of understanding (when they just don't think in the same way as you), etc, your expectations are easily perceived as "demands". You're essentially pressuring people to be what you want them to be, which amounts to dishonoring them and violating their boundary. This approach is usually met with submission or resistance. If they submit to you (because they care for you), they will be unhappy for having allowed you to violate their boundary, and the problem will recur because it was only swept under the rug. If they resist you, conflict ensues, and the relationship bond will be tested and possibly threatened, especially if the conflict recurs without resolution.

There is a way to honor your feelings while also honoring others' feelings. It requires you to have good emotional intelligence and be a good communicator. Good emotional intelligence means respecting your feelings and taking full responsibility for them. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim (i.e. "you made me feel this way"), you see yourself as an agent with the power to decide what is best (i.e. "I feel this way and this is what I should do about it"). Positioning yourself as a passive or helpless victim means that you cast blame and eventually demand reparations. Positioning yourself as an active and influential agent means that you survey the situation objectively and then try to act in the best interests of everyone involved. This is what healthy and confident Fe should look like.

For example, when you feel dismissed, maybe you bottle it up for awhile, until you can't take it anymore (because the problem remains unaddressed). Then you confront people and say, "I feel dismissed". This implies that the other person has done something bad to you. You are the victim, which puts them on the spot, feeling like the bad guy, and then they can't hear you, due to becoming too preoccupied with not wanting to be the bad guy. Communication is likely to stall there, unless they have the wherewithal (emotional intelligence) to keep their focus on you and your concerns.

Instead, you could say to yourself, "I feel dismissed". You take full responsibility for your feelings and validate them for yourself. When you are good at validating your own feelings and emotions (something you admit you really struggle with), you'll eventually find that you won't need to rely on others to do it for you.

What does it mean to feel dismissed? It means that you believe you're not being taken seriously, or something to that effect. Not very difficult to understand. What to do about it? The feeling of disharmony is a message to you that you have to do more to advocate for yourself and make space for yourself within the relationship/group (it is good Fe advice). There are many ways to advocate for yourself without stepping on others. If you choose the right way, in terms of honoring everyone involved, the feeling of being dismissed will dissipate naturally. If you choose the wrong way, in terms of honoring yourself but dishonoring others, you'll encounter the problem again, because you haven't addressed the underlying problem of you positioning yourself as the victim in every relationship conflict. Chronic victim mentality is often an indication that you depend too much on outside validation of your self-worth.

Unless you are stuck in a very toxic social environment, the majority of people are not malicious for no reason. Before accusing or blaming, are you absolutely certain that they INTENDED to dismiss you? If not, wouldn't it be wise to gather more info? For instance, you could ask something like, "Have you had the time to give my idea serious consideration?" No blaming, no battling, no victim-victimizer dynamic. Do you understand how communicating without blame, through genuine inquiry, avoids trapping the both of you in a vicious cycle of seeking emotional reparations? You give people the benefit of the doubt. You give people the chance to clarify or explain. You give yourself the chance to grasp the FULL picture so that you can make a more informed decision about what to do (based on their response to your question). But this presence of mind isn't possible when you can't accept your feelings/emotions and they run wild as a result.

One common misapplication of Ti is the tendency to jump to illogical conclusions or make up illogical stories about what is motivating people's negative behavior, all the while believing that you're being completely logical. It's a destructive way to deal with negative or disharmonious feelings. Once the false narrative infects your mind, you can't help but perceive the person as attacking you, even when they're not. This misuse of Ti is a major impediment to relationship building.

The problem with victim mentality is that you are hyperfocused on your perspective only, so you only have half the picture, which means making ill-informed decisions. If you are prone to Ti loop, you need to get to the bottom of why you're so quick to position yourself in the passive position of victim. A healthy relationship should be an equal partnership based on trust, which means that you should always try to 1) give people the benefit of the doubt, and 2) gather the facts of the situation before drawing a conclusion about what they intended or what kind of character they are.

If the fact of the matter is that the person really doesn't care about your feelings, then you know not to seek validation from them, and perhaps distance from them for your own good. Don't play around in toxic or abusive relationships. If the fact of the matter is that your perception of the situation doesn't match up with what they intended to say/do, then it's up to you to straighten out the situation in your mind before proceeding.

Trust your feelings, validate your feelings, but don't act blindly on them (i.e. without fully grasping what's happening with the other person). Figure out why exactly you're feeling what you're feeling, then take it up with the person in a way that addresses the root of the problem and in a way that doesn't immediately put them on the defensive. Conflict is sometimes unavoidable, but being more skilled at communicating your concerns will certainly reduce the amount of pain required to reach a resolution.

#infj #infj relationships #emotional intelligence #auxiliary fe #ti loop #communication #self worth #victim mentality #boundaries #relationships #conflict #ask

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coinsofmcguffin · 3 years ago

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So I watched Netflix's Matilda the Musical today...I have...thoughts.

Spoilers ahead...

Ok so firstly the singing, acting, dancing, choreography and costumes are top notch. Not a fault to be had!

Tim Minchin is a great song writer and the tunes are catchy as anything. The actors do an amazing job, especially Aliesha Weir as Matilda and Emma Thompson as Miss Trunchbull who is obviously having the time of her life playing the villain.

If you are a fan of musicals or Ronald Dahl you will really love this.

HOWEVER

As a child who suffered bullying for a lot of his childhood both from kids and some adults and as someone who didn't like the original because of this I was hesitant to watch the movie but I preserved because of the afore mentioned good points. But I really found it difficult for three reasons:

1. Why doesn't Matilda tell someone?

It is established early on there is at least one adult who Matilda trusts she could tell about her abusive parents and teachers. The librarian Mrs. Phelps played by Sindhu Vee not only offers advice and is genuinely concerned for Matilda's welfare but we see that she would call the police if she thought something was amiss as demonstrated when Matilda was telling part of her story. Matilda actively lies to her yet is willing to do things that would arguably having bigger consequences (such as gluing the hat on her dad). It just doesn't make sense to me. If she didn't do anything I would understand but the show goes out of the way to show how clever this girl is and how she will stand up and be heard

2. Miss Honey and the other teachers are the real villains

Yes Trunchbull is obviously Satan incarnate but that is the character. We need to hate her that much so our hero can shine brighter. The problem is though is by doing this you have made the other teachers including our lovable Miss Honey part of the problem. In one scene Trunchbull is about to do something nasty to a child and the teachers leave the room so they don't see it. They are nameless and very old so we aren't meant to think about them but miss Honey watches it being done. I don't care how scared you are of someone, you can report it to the police. That school alone has so many health and safety violations I'm surprised @osha-official-the-sequel haven't bitten through the clipboard. Miss Honey could have done literally anything. She couldn't go toe to toe with Trunchbull but telling the police, school board, parents, child services, hell even the Mafia (which is established to be in this town) could have yelled better results than asking the kids to keep their head down.

The old say is true: evil triumphs when good men do nothing.

3. What kind of ending for the Trunchbull is that?

So we have established the Trunchbull is a child abuser in every sense of the word. It is also heavily suggested that SHE KILLED PEOPLE. Not too mention most likely commuted vast fraud. She is also very strong and probably has experience using weapons or at least weilding heavy objects as weapons.

So we are all going to believe she runs off because she got a little scared. Give up her house, legacy, job and power?

Look, there are some bullies you give them a talking too, have the punch out, or just outsmart them and they will leave you alone. But they are the rookies, the kinds who aren't truly bad people, just jerks. But the really bullies, the ones like Trunchbull...there is no talking, no beating them once and walking away. No these are the ones you need to put an end to in a more permanent manner. These are the ones you need to break bones or make it so messing with you will literally cause more trouble. These are the ones where jail or a bullet is sometimes the solution. These are the ones who even if they know doing this thing will most likely cause them pain will STILL do it because in their mind hurting you is more important than future consequences.

Guess which category Miss Trunchbull falls into.

She would be back within 24 hours with murder in her heart and as established she probably would follow through.

So why do they give her this run away ending. Its bullshit and wrong and honestly what pissed me off the most. I know it's a kids film but there still could have been ways to show it. Maybe she runs off a cliff? Maybe she runs into the mob and goes for a drive? Maybe she runs into the woods and some wolves follow after her? Get creative people!!

And yes I know it's based on Dahl's work and this is how the story goes but there is even a song about changing your own story and if the character can be self aware maybe the writers could have too?

So TL:DR

Matilda the Musical is a great musical

Acting, singing and dancing top notch

This film will trigger you if you suffered from abuse or bullying

If you give this film more than a moments thought you will find the plot problematic

Fuck bullies and abusers and thank any God you believe in that I was never granted psychic powers because you would have been wearing your organs on the outside.

#matilda #matilda the musical #tim minchin #trigger warnings #bullies #bullying #parental abuse #review #movie review #musical

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plus-size-reader · 4 years ago

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Forgotten

Thomas x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2326 words

Warnings: none

Summary: WCKD isn’t the only one with secrets. The Scorch has a few secrets of its own

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It would have been stupid of the gladers to think they were the only ones left.

While it was true that WCKD had taken to picking and choosing who got to survive, that didn’t mean there was no one else left outside of their domain. It just meant that the few of you that had survived were better at it than the rest.

Sometimes you called them the forgotten, those who WCKD couldn’t use that got left behind. In the beginning, it was like your own little maze, made up of all those who didn’t mean anything to anyone because they couldn’t use you.

You were left for dead at the mercy of the scorch, and while some people had survived, as the time ticked by, fewer and fewer of those forgotten ones survived.

Most of them ended up as cranks, at the hands of the virus that had torn through the life you once knew. It was all you had now, and as treacherous as it was, the scorch was your home.

It was all that was left.

Which was why you were so shocked to see such a big group of them still alive out here, not deterred by the dust storms in the desert or the cranks who would surely tear them apart if they got the chance.

All in all, they were way out of their depth.

You had been staying here, in what was now little more than a bunker while now, keeping a close eye on the compound to the east. WCKD got shipments of supplies sometimes, which you had taken to ripping off occasionally.

Stealing from them was hardly the worst thing you’d done out here.

It was what you had to do to survive.

However, the last thing you’d been expecting here was a group of strangers, somehow still alive against every threat in this place. Though, from the looks of it, they hadn’t been out in it very long, which could have been the reason for that.

You watched them for a while, trying to figure out who or what they were, before eventually, you decided that you had to do something about it.

They weren’t going to survive out here on their own.

What you were doing went against your every impulse, of course, as you had learned not to trust anyone or anything, not even the other survivors that could be found bunkered down all over the scorch.

The only person you could trust was you, and even that was iffy sometimes, but for some reason, you felt differently about them.

Maybe it was because they were so desperately fighting for survival, ro maybe it was just because you’d been alone for so long but whatever it was, you had already made up your mind.

They needed your help, or they were going to die out here.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you” you called, just in time for one among them to flip the switch to the power grid. It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but only if they knew even less about this place than you thought they did.

Both men in yoru view tensed at your appearance, but didn’t have any time at all to address you before the crank you’d loving been calling Doris for the past six months slammed against the bars of her cage.

She was here when you showed up here and once you’d decided that there was no risk of her getting out, it was easier to keep her alive than to put her down.

In your experience, having one around that wasn’t a threat to you, helped you keep tabs on what would draw in the rest.

“Follow me” you suggested, rushing off in the opposite direction of two of the other cranks, glad to find out that at the very least, the two of them could run. If they couldn’t, you would have been forced to leave them behind.

Just because you wanted to help them didn’t mean you were all of a sudden willing to die for strangers.

You would help them, or at least try to help them, for as long as you could. The actual survival was their responsibility, what they had to do out here because they wanted to. Everyone that survived out here had to want it.

If you didn’t, you died.

That was just how it was, and nothing was going to change that.

The pair of them shared a look, just one, before following your lead. The next few minutes went by quickly, more quickly than anyone could have predicted, as you raced toward the exit, meeting up with quite a few others in the process.

From the looks of it, the gang's all here.

You didn’t say anything more until you had made it safely, for the most part, out of the building, the door closed tightly, one metal door between you and them. All of you, with the exception of one, had made it out in one piece.

“What were you doing back there? What's going on? Who are you?” came the parade of questions as you walked, already sort of leaving the rest of them in your dust. While they clearly had no idea what was out here, you did.

...And you weren’t itching to see any more of those things tonight.

“Y/N, I was living there but I guess I’m not anymore” you decided, only looking back at them to answer the first of what you assumed would be a million more questions. The more ground you could cover before the sun went down, the better off you’d be.

If they thought one of them getting bit was bad, it was going to get so much worse in the dark. Those things thrived in the dark.

“Living there, with those things? You’ve gotta be mad” one of the scoffed, immediately forcing you to stop again.

Once again reminding you why you normally shied away from helping other people all together.

“You came out of a maze, didn’t you? Cause you definitely haven't been out here” you hummed, eyeing the blonde incredulously, though when an answer did come, it wasn’t from his lips. Instead, one of the original two you’d found, Thomas you thought you’d heard, spoke.

He was lost.

“Yeah we did, you didn’t?” he wondered, a genuine look of confusion dressing his face for a second. They hadn’t really considered an alternative, and why would they?

All this time, they had been under the impression that there was nothing out there in the scorch, but you were living proof that was a lie. It made him wonder that if that was a lie, there was a good chance other things had been too.

They just couldn’t be sure what.

“No, I grew up in the scorch” you shrugged, doing your very best to ignore the way their faces twisted up when you said it out loud. Of course they couldn’t understand what that was like, because no one could.

Only people who’d done it could even imagine what it was like.

The gladers weren’t exactly thrilled about this situation, but as uncertain as they were of you, it was clear that you were that much more concerned about them. Clearly, all this time out in the scorch had made you paranoid.

Rightfully so.

“You live out here? In this?” the blonde repeated, clearly missing the point of this conversation entirely. You wanted to make this as quick and concise as possible so as to not have to talk about it again but that wasn’t about to happen.

Not with all these shanks asking so many questions.

“Alright, I’m gonna need some names. Then I’ll tell you all about the forgotten ones” you decided, folding your arms crossed your chest, keeping as calm as you could be given the circumstances.

You didn’t have all day to sit around talking about this. From the looks of their friend, you didn’t even have till sundown anymore before you had at least one crank to deal with.

“That’s Minho, Frypan, and Teresa” he, Thomas, started, pointing each of them out in turn before moving on to the next.

“Over there is Aris,” the shortest of them.

“That’s Winston” the soon to be crank

“This is Newt and I’m Thomas” he hummed, making it clear that there was some kind of connection between all of them that was much deeper than you would have thought, and confirming that was in fact his name.

At the very least, you had that going for you.

“There used to be more of us, out here, but as the time passes, there’s less” you started, deciding that a deal was a deal after all.

You told them you would explain this whole thing, after all.

“I’ve been on my own for a while, moving around to stay alive. Sometimes I stole from the WCKD supply trucks from the compound where you came from, but they aren’t even the biggest threat” you allowed, letting your eyes linger on Winston for a moment.

You knew that to them, he was family, but it was hard for you to see him as anything more than a ticking time bomb. You had just lost too many friends to cranks over the years to feel comfortable with him like that.

It was only a matter of time.

Thomas nodded as you spoke, thinking over each and every one of your words carefully.

After all, to the best he could tell, you had been living there all this time and when he stopped to think about it, it made sense. All those kids in the maze, they were there because they were immune, and they needed to be protected, but they weren’t the only ones left.

There was no way everyone else was dead.

Someone had to be alive somewhere, out there in the rubble, which wasn’t exactly wrong. There were plenty of people left, hiding out all over the scorch, just trying to survive.

“We’ll figure something out” he muttered, following your gaze to the male, who was currently holding tightly to Minho’s shoulder just to keep upright.

So far, it was just a sick feeling in his stomach and a dizziness clouding his thoughts, but soon it would be much more. You knew all the sighs, far too well, and you could have pinpointed exactly how it would happen.

It was a race against the clock.

“You can’t promise that. You don’t know this place like I do” you whispered, turning back around to continue on your way, not willing to discuss this any further. You wanted to believe in a cure as much as the next person, but you weren’t blind.

You didn’t get to be so naive.

“So why help us then? You clearly think this whole thing is hopeless anyway” Thomas called, jogging slightly to catch up with you, the rest of his group taking up the back. It wasn’t exactly easy to move through the sand, but you made it work.

All in all, it was easier for you than it was for them, just because you’d been doing it for longer.

You sighed, looking at him through the corner of your eye, desperately trying to understand what it was he wanted from you. This was a lot harder for you both than need be, as neither of you had a good history of working with others, but it was what it was.

It was plain and simple.

You didn’t want something to happen to them.

The Scorch had taken so much from so many people and you didn’t want to let it take anything else from anyone else if you could help it. At the very least, you could help guide them in this world they knew so little about.

It was all anyone could do, because there were so few of you left.

“Because it’s important,”

Thomas seemed to be determined to keep his family safe, and you could respect that. After all, he wasn’t the only one who’d had one, and you hadn’t been as successful as you’d hoped in your own quest.

If you could help him keep his people alive, you weren’t going to turn a blind eye to that.

“I lost my people, but you don’t have to lose yours” you decided, remembering the countless friends you’d had and lost over the years. The Scorch was real and dangerous, where nothing was ever guaranteed.

Between WCKD and the cranks, you’d lost everything. They would get bit; if they were immune, World In Catastrophe: Killzone Experiment Department was on top of it, and if they weren’t, they died.

News of the immune, even out here, was hard to keep hidden. They were valuable, and as best you knew, WCKD was already tracking them down.

Thankfully, you knew how this went down, and if they had a shot out here, it was with you.

“You would do that for us?” he questioned, unsure of what in the world was happening here. He thought he understood the world, though he understood what was going on but every time he got any information, it flipped all over again.

Thomas just felt like he couldn’t win, no matter what he did.

“Yeah, but you have to know Winston isn’t going to make it. He probably has half an hour left, at most” you whispered. There was no way you could guarantee he had even that much time but he certainly didn’t have any more than that.

It wasn’t really the news you wanted to give him but you didn’t have much choice in the matter. He’d been bitten and since he clearly wasn’t immune, that wasn’t going to change.

“Yeah, yeah, I know”

None of this was going to be easy but at the very least, he won’t have to do it alone.

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