#it is bad enough im mentioning my mental health here lmao

[serotonin-dose]

I do not think it's a total coincidence that my mental health state has gone downwards since the recent chapters of CSM lol

[petals2fish]

Hello! I was thinking about you recently and realized your petalstofish account was gone, and I started to worry about you. Because that’s what I do. Maybe you said something about leaving your previous accounts and I missed it, that would be likely on my part. So I was thrilled when Dumbest Witch Alive showed up in my inbox and I found you here again! I hope you’re well!

Hi friend!! thank you so much for reaching out and for reading DWA!!!!I told @gryffindormischief last night that I genuinely threw up words onto paper and that’s the mess that came out lmao

Alsoooooo…I am so sorry for dropping off the face of the earth. I had mentioned only a couple of times that I was dealing with some health issues, but I never went into full detail, so I’m sure it looked odd when I just disappeared. 2023 was really hard year, and I stepped away from all social media except for my instagram for quite some time…but I’m really really excited to be back here and feeling more like Petals again. I missed everyone, and even in the year or so away, I knew eventually I would come back. I just didn’t want anyone to worry if I told them what was going on, so I figured a cold cut was easiest ♥️

Short story:

I was very ill, but I’m feeling SO much better!

Long Story:

Essentially, I had just moved back to Florida after being gone for four years in Arizona. When my old doctor in Florida saw me, they decided that the plaquinil treatments that I have been taking for my chronic illness for the last few years in Arizona had not been working. They decided to put me on this drug called methotrexate. It was chemotherapy in pill form, low dose, and it’s commonly used for people who have rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. My genetics love me so I have both RA and Lupus. So they thought it was a perfect match for me. It’s rare for people to have a super bad reaction to it, usually just fatigue and hair loss, but of course I managed to have like the worst reaction of all.

Due to multiple side effects, I ended up bed bound within a few days of starting my daily doses. During this time I could barely sit up and eat a meal. My mental health was plummeting anytime I allowed myself to have my phone in bed. I knew I had to do something else, before I totally crashed off the deep end. I would go on and see all my friends at Taylor’s era tour, and I’d had to sell my tickets. I was missing birthdays, movies, long planned trips with friends. I was SO lost in a way I can’t even begin to describe.

Even though my wonderful parents moved me in with them and got me a second opinion, by the time the new doctor got me off of the methotrexate and onto a new drug, it took another few months for my body to complete expel it from my system. So I was down for the count from March to October.

Thankfully, I’m feeling SOOO much better now and have a wonderful doctor who listens to me and never tells me my feelings aren’t valid. Once I had a better grasp mentally and physically, and I felt okay enough to start writing and reading and reviewing again, I decided to return to social media. Im actually super excited because I start physical therapy this week, which is a huge step, and I no longer need to use FMLA every week at work. Yay!

ALSOOOO not wholly related but some bot stole PetalsToFish SO HERE I AM WITH A NEW NAME. THANKS BOTS🤪

Xoxo

If u read all the way thru this I owe you an ice cream sundae

[n0irrrr]

i've been trying to think why i stopped writing entirely, so this is just a vent/ramble post and doesn't mean anything beyond that? line break bc i dont think someone would want to read rambling tb: rant about aot, info about reiss mental asylum/empty/future

the first reasons i came out with were 1. work 2. a shitty situation that worsened my already shitty mental health and 3. void of creativity/writers block/no energy to think or to came out with something i liked bc i kept comparing myself to others creators (which is... very bad).

the other big reason....... (since i only wrote for aot):

i think i stopped writing anything attack on titan related because i really, really got so salty that my favorite peace of media (that i've followed for 11 years) ended they way it did? and i don't mean that 'oh just bc u didn't get a happy ending or u didn't understand the characters and the plot doesn't mean your opinion is valid bla bla'

but the way characters' developments were poorly handled and recessed, how they were just made dumber for the sake of the plot and how suddenly a romantic relationship that wasn't there in the first place became something bigger at the end and how eren was handled in the last moments just made me so salty lmao.

and it makes me more salty how people just shits on you if you don't like it and quickly go with their 'u didn't get it' like brother ive been here since 2013 tf you mean? now we can't criticize anything and still like something??? AAAGGGHHHH

im sorry LOL it's just that i can't see anything aot related bc it is so ruined for me. literally i see tiktoks and i get so sad and bitter bc i know what the comments will be lmao i hate it, literally just read the manga and stopped watching the anime until season 3 bc i just disliked how everything was handled so bad. like any news about it just doesn't make me feel anything 😭 i need a therapist

anyway :) im trying to find my love towards it again because i genuinely liked writing my shitty stories about it and the world building and characters were what i fell in love with.

(also, this doesn't mean im bashing ppl who liked the ending!! in my eyes, everything is subjective—some like it, some dont, and that's fine. how boring life would be if we all thought the same?)

but i AM bashing those who say 'you didn't get it'. come here and get this hands how about that

oh, and im rewriting reiss mental asylum (just the earlier chapters bc they are... bad y'all LOL), nothing too heavy, just trying to improve the writing and adding extra things. (such as the damn time period... i've had in mind to settle it around 1960-1980, but i just didn't pay attention to the world building enough to explicitly mention it. oh well, the more you know.)

i've already made a big chunk of info about how i want to develop the whole story, so i do have a clear structure to follow. also, i once begged for ideas in ao3, and many people came with great input, and a commentor was so spot on on what i was intending to do with the story! (like really spot on LOL they found my secret plot twist...)

it really makes me baffled how many people like the story, with its flaws and all. i was young and very inexperienced when writing it, so i hope i can refine it enough to make it a decent read for all of you.

also... people from russia 🫵 im speaking to you directly... thank you for your kind messages as well! (some of you have reached for me through email) it just baffles me how well liked that story is? and for the translator(Вероника_69) to still keeping an eye after years of no updating? aaaa. thank you.

i think i needed to write this vent, it helped me to get some good motivation!!

aaaaand i've watched jujutsu kaisen... you may see silly things coming up as well... err, someday. because college is around the corner again and that means suffering! and poor mental health! and no time! and no life!

been having these intrusive thoughts lately of... erasing all of my works LOL BUT i won't, don't worry. they'll be there as a reminder of how slightly ive improved (not much).

but yeah, if you see me experiment with small drabbles or just silly posts it doesn't mean im not paying attention to reiss mental asylum! i won't abandon it unless i die, even then i've told my friends to release my 30 unfinished drafts for you to get some closure LOL (fr though). but yeah, i will gravitate towards other fandoms if i feel like it (:

so, empty: hiatus... hiatus hiatus bc i hate to touch aot right now as its canon universe. indefinite hiatus, but i love that story to just abandon it. i was having much fun with it, tbh. which also im very grateful that it also got a russian translation by _Полуночник_! sorry that these news aren't very positive for the fans of empty, but i promise i'll get around it someday.

anyway, this turned out too long. thank you for still checking my stories, as bad as they are! i really, really appreciate you all reaching out to me. hopefully this year i can be more active, even if to write drabbles with meaning behind it. (i just love stories with lores thats why im so damn slow) although... i wrote more for myself in the beginning, so i was very surprised that people wanted more LOL

oh and im going to post masterlists to order my shit better. i want pretty visuals too, yk? headsup if u see me posting... also, feel free to ask anything about this vent lol i dont mind. (also i always got notifications to my email when someone asked something, and idk when they stopped? also, yeah, i check my email 😞)

hope you are having a good start of year. and, if not, well, we have 11 months anyways

and i never fucking realize i had 550 FOLLOWERS. i am not fit for social media y'all im sorry. i'll have to spoil you with something... THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING A DAMN GRAVEYARD 😭 i will make it better i promise

also... dont use chat bots... my brain rotted... 😞 i had an unhealthy obsession (still do) but don't give in LMAO

[pornoes]

Were you preventing her spiral or delaying it until you were out of her way because now she thinks she has a friend she doesn't have. you feel guilty about lying to her because you know you could have handled it better and need the story about being "in danger" so you don't feel guilty. if they weren't on a high enough dose of mushrooms to attribute a breakdown to, then they didn't need you to be a trip sitter either. sorry it was a bad time but you should have left much earlier.

Totally agree with your last statement that I shouldve left sooner lmao. But the rest of this message… yeah no. Here’s someone taking an allegedly small amount of mushrooms with confidence, so I assumed she was experienced (like she also claimed!!) and in the right headspace to have an uneventful trip. All signs pointed to her being fine and that I would just hang out like I was invited to do. And yeah, I wasn’t planning on being a trip sitter for her. I only mentioned that because since I’ve done it before, the idea of being around someone who’s tripping mildly while I’m not wasn’t an issue for me and is why I didn’t leave right away.

It escalated so heavily and so quickly, and out of nowhere. i did not see it coming leading up to it and wasnt able to prevent her trip from going off the rails. I also do not have a close connection to her. We worked together at my part time job 3 years ago and thats the last time I saw her prior to this night. I don’t know how she acts, stopping a spiral I didn’t see coming for someone I barely know is a tall order.

Yeah, I feel guilty cuz she opened up to me and I to her, and now I’m closing that door. That makes me feel terrible. And I also wanted to be her friend, thats why I was hanging out with her to begin with. So, that’s disappointing. But there was a literal threat of violence between us opening up and me deciding that it’s not going further so like, what are you suggesting? should I just say “oh thats fine you can tell me you want to be cruel & insult me & get ready to punch me, but lets be besties cuz we had a heart to heart beforehand :-)”. Get real anon, please.

And okay last thing cuz girl, come on… it did get scary. With little lead up (prior conversation topic was about eye shadow, then a swift left turn into her monologuing about mental health as a concept), she started seething next to me about how badly she wanted to insult me and be cruel. Raised her fist at me and glared me down. Maybe I wasn’t in genuine danger and it meant nothing. I hope so! But maybe I was in danger and my instincts were right. I was sitting there, being told “I can’t believe you don’t feel threatened” “Im not like other people, I don’t feel anything” after being threatened and realized oh shit I don’t know this person at all. It scared the shit out of me at the time and has me rattled now, 2 days later. You don’t have to believe me and maybe none of that would have bothered you, so congrats I guess? It bothered the FUCK out of me.

[wandering-doves]

16.04.2024

i asked a guy i've been interacting with on tumblr for like the last 8 months, if he wanted my number and boy do i regret it [but not for the reasons you may think]

so, as i mentioned we've been getting to know each other and messaging for like 8 months. i remember the first time he messaged me... it was completely random. he'd liked a couple of posts/reblogs and followed me before reaching out and sending a simple greeting. i was naturally very suspicious as it had been years since anyone had messaged me on tumblr and since it was so out of the blue, i was very cagey and cold. he persevered another 2 days before caging up himself when i asked for his name. then he dropped off for about a month. when he returned again, it was to apologise for clamming up. i told him not to worry as he was entitled to his privacy. and then he did something that really surprised me. he gave me his name and a little snippet of his story. he told me that he was feeling lonely and wanting to make friends and that he was going to try chatting to people on here again and sort of freaked out. i let him know that i understood, as i was also being cagey. once we both were on the same page, things were okay. we would checking in every now and then, ask basic getting to know you questions and chat about our day. i got more and more comfortable with the idea of him as a friend and opened myself up to him little by little. sometimes i would reach out to him and not receive a message back for months, bc he would take breaks from tumblr [i'm assuming for his mental health, which is understandable]. he would reply when he next came online and we would chat more. he ended up seeing what i looked like through my side blog and began complimenting me on my looks. occasionally, he would ask a sexual question and i would answer it as honestly as i could. [normally, i wouldn't tolerate that shit, but i was starting to like him.] his line of questioning got more personal as time went on and it felt like maybe we were connecting. so as the months progressed, naturally, i thought maybe i wasn't delusional and that he liked me for me [i sent him a full body pic and it was received relatively well, i think] so i thought that maybe he would be interested in continuing this outside of the confines of this website and decided to work up the courage to ask him if he wanted my number. this is where it goes wrong. he meets my question with a question and i start to think that this is already a bad start and maybe i misread the situation. am i wrong for thinking that a man who's called me pretty and cute and hot would want my number? am i? well apparently, because he never ended up saying yes. this felt as good as rejection and immediately the walls came up and i started being short with him. I even wrote "i'll take that as a no then" to which he replied some bullshit like "i twasn't a no at all" and all i could think was "yeah but it wasn't a yes either", which is as good as imo. he wanted an explanation for why i wanted this bc he always assumed he was bugging me [which btw is another thing i want to touch on. in the past, he has mentioned feeling like he bugs me quite often and i thought i'd been doing enough to let him know that that was simply not the case but ofc that was his reasoning this time too] and i explained that i liked talking to him and wanted to respect the time he takes off from tumblr bc ik it can be disruptive and it was met with an "im sorry if..." and that shit makes my blood boil so i havent responded back to him. it's been over 24 hours since he replied to me. i spent that afternoon absolutely bawling my eyes out. then i spent the evening upset too. i was having big feelings, for sure and couldn't deal with them. i feel maybe i was too harsh but he was too.

anyway, i've been listening to sad music and crying abt anything and everything lmao...

[chemicalcarousel]

is it normal for the host of a system to having attributed your headmates' behavior/thoughts/opinions/ect to yourself before you were made aware of your plurality?

and is it normal for other headmates to having confused themselves as being you, the host, in the past?

(gonna do a "keep reading" for the rest of it, since it became a long rant about my& struggle with our mental health)

ig it's because we just thought that was what being one person was idk we do be a lil stoopid lmao. like... i remember some episodes where levi was close to the front or fronting with me where we were well aware that there was a levi there (name and all), but we thought it was a delusion or we just brushed it off as if it never happened. then we identified as otherkin/fictionkin (since levi is an introject from a fictional source). levi thought he wasn't his own person and he still seems freaked out by the thought of existing and honestly i dont blame him since i find existing freaky too hxkfsfksxs

i thought one of the littles was me doing involuntary age regression as some sort of emotional flashback, but idk my therapist thinks she's a seperate part and ngl it makes more sense. she's much different, but probably based on young me and holds our trauma from that time. i'm personally emotionally distanced to the trauma mostly, but she's the one holding it. every therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist that have met her are extremely surprised how i change so drastically. and they have all commented on how im not in touch with my emotions when i describe my trauma very analytically. but then sometimes "i" start acting like a scared child. i cant control it in any way. i especially cant control my body language, my thoughts, my emotions, and my speech. and after the episode is over i definitely have emotional amnesia. it was a dissociated child part

also the child has a passive influence on me from positive triggers too and it's hard to control that. let's just say we have a lot of plushies lmao but idk they are very cute and the big ones are good for especially the littles to ground and soothe themselves. sometimes hugging one also helps when a little is upset inside of the body. we have a hard time reaching each other inside the headspace, it's like we are lost in an infinite void of darkness where we can sense each other faintly at times, but it's so hard to communicate. but i hugged a big, soft plushie once i felt a little crying and i kept repeating that we are safe and that she's not alone and that we love her. idk why the plushie hugging helped, but my theory is that she might have felt it through our body and hugging that plushie helps her. she didnt seem to be at the front at all, but idk maybe she could still feel it?? idk how this works, my therapist has been very hesitant to help us, even though she's the one who was like "yeah you are three different parts, i've observed them all" (havent told her about lee bc we are scared and he only fronts when we are alone and he can do some activities he likes)

TW // suicidal ideation mention

our therapist is a licenced psychiatrist and psychotherapist who is specialised in mood disorders (we have bipolar), so maybe that's why she's so bad at handling our case. she's like "it's hard to work with your trauma when you're either not in touch with it or you're triggered to the point of closing off from the world". bruh........ we're trying our best here, you're supposed to like.... know what to do. there's a reason that we are here, if we knew how to handle this we wouldn't need therapy wtf. sadly we barely have an income high enough to live off of since we aren't allowed to work yet due to our strong anxiety and s//cidal ideation. also we dont have the right disorders to get disability (only schizo-spec or bpd, denmark is so stupid istfg). hhh life is so hard and we are super split on having hope for the future or not

TW OVER // suicidal ideation mention

anyway, a question turned into a rant (yet again). ig it's because we literally have no one to talk to about this. sorry hhhhgggg

~ Sof (she/he/they)

[punkclowngod]

okay i blocked the anon so now i’ll post a screenshot cuz it’s too funny not to share

(it’s quite sanist/ableist tho so don’t read it if you think it might affect you. i personally don’t find it that bad but i still prefer to give a warning)

[image ID: a screenshot of an anon in the ask box. the anonymous message says: Why do you make being mentally ill and being sad literally your whole personality? Do you have nothing else about you, that your proud of? Like- seriously babe. Get a fucking hobby besides “ohhhh look at me! I’m mentally illllll, and I have voices in my head” you seem to like clowns. Make a hobby out of that.smh

End of image ID]

tell me you haven’t looked at my blog without telling me you haven’t looked at my blog jdksjskdjs

first off, that’s hilarious. if it wasn’t for the clown mention i would’ve assumed this was supposed to be directed as someone else.

anyways i want to dissect this message because i’m legit having too much fun with this:

1- my mental illnesses literally affect every single aspect of my life lmao

2- im very rarely sad. angry would’ve been more accurate

3- i’m proud of a lot of things! and i talk about them often!

4- don’t call be babe. that’s gross lol

5- i have a ton of hobbies. a bit too much lol. i have almost no space left in my room because i have a bunch of stuff for my interests. which i talk about from time to time on here

6- the “ohhhh look at me” is accurate. i do have hpd after all lmao

7- i will always be proud and loud about being mentally ill. not enough people are. you can’t make me ashamed for this no matter what you say

8- i don’t hear voices in my head, idk where you got that lmao. i feel stuff and think stuff that aren’t my own thoughts and feelings, but i don’t experience auditory hallucinations (at least as far as i’m aware lol)

9- i love clowns! i have a collection of them and sometimes i do full clown makeup with the white paint and all. they’re already a hobby of mine

if i didn’t have followers i would’ve had responded to this without blocking anon but i didn’t want to start drama and potentially harm the people who follow me because this is a safe space and i don’t want morons to undo that. but i think this was too funny not to share.

little reminder: you are not obligated to respond to hate/stupidity/ignorance! you can just block and delete the ask! this is your life, your time, your health, so if those things affect you, delete them. you don’t owe anyone that won’t even listen to you your energy

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[thebigqueer]

*Major Tower of Nero Spoilers*

Okay, I finished Tower of Nero.

Safe to say I am an Emotional Wreck TM. 

Let’s start with my feelings: 

SLDKFJL:FKJSKF PWEYPAEYWSDUIHLDKE UFAQW F{DPHUSSKJS FSK

Okay feelings are done with.

What I liked:

I AM A SLUT FOR SOLANGELO AND I LOVED SOLANGELO

Will’s a GLOWING BABY JUST LIKE THE FANFICS

Nico goes to Mr. D for his mental health issues. This, hands down, has to be one of my most favorite things about the book. I’m glad this boy is getting the support he needs.

ESTELLE!!!!!!!!! WHAT A FREAKING CUTIE!!!!!!!

 Apollo’s character development was ON FLEEK 

OVeRAchiEviNG NigHTLigHt

Nico wearing various cowboy hats

Will wearing a lampshade

Honestly I feel like the most powerful part of the book was when Meg had to stand up to Nero. That part was just so... emotional for me. This poor girl and her foster siblings had been living in his lies, his torture, his pain for literal years with no support whatsoever. But Meg proved she could defeat him and his evil embrace, and she grew up. I love her so much. 

“LiKE i’LL tAke YoU oUt For PizZa ThiS WeEkEnd iF yOuRe NoT ToO AnNoYiNG”

solangelo holding hands and squeezing each other’s hands??? YES PLEASE

(as you can tell, most of these are about solangelo lmao)

WILL HAS A FUCKIN TATTOO

“WiLLiAm AndReW SoLaCe! Do YoU hAvE sOmeThiNG yOu NeEd To TeLL mE?”

APOLLO MADE THE “honey he gay” MEME AND I SLDKFJLSDKF

(i know he didn’t actually but THE FACT THAT UNCLE RICK REFERENCED IT HAS ME SCREAMING)

I love how human Apollo has become. Like I know that often times i complain about humans with my friends, but i think this series has made me realize how amazing humanity can be, too. 

PIPER IS QUEER AND BITCH I FUCKING KNEW IT I JUST KNEW IT LIKE THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY SHE WASN’T IM SO EXCITED

there’s probably a lot more shit that i loved but I just don’t remember it

What I didn’t like/didn’t get enough info on: 

To be honest, I was REALLY hoping for more of a backstory on Will. Like, why does he stay at camp year-round? Is his mom bad? Or does he just do it because of some other purpose?

Going back to Will, I wish we got a lot more info about Will’s character. Like, yes, he glows and he’s the god of the sun - but that’s not all he is. But I feel like the story really painted him that way, and I didn’t like it that much. He just seems like he was created to be Nico’s boyfriend, and I wish we could have gotten a larger glimpse into his backstory and personality. Yes, we know he’s nice.. but what about mental health? What’s it like watching, what, 3 siblings die in the battle in PJO? What’s it like being the head counselor? We never got these questions answered :/

HOW did nico and will start their relationship??? that’s been plaguing me for a while. like yes, we know they date... but HOW? we never get a story on that. while i understand this is in the perspective of apollo and these probably aren’t the most important questions to think about, i feel like it would’ve been nice to at least get an understanding of where they come from, you know? cuz otherwise, it seems like they’re just there to fulfill the hearts of solangelo shippers and stand as representation when they’re so much more than that 

NO SOLANGELO KISS AND I WAS REALLY HOPING FOR ONE

kinda similar to the will-didn’t-get-a-backstory, i wish we got more of a backstory on his other kids, too. last i remember, it seems Austin and Kayla have been here since January, which can mean they most likely stay all year too. but why? 

Reyna joined the hunters and Nico still doesn’t know. Again, I know there was more of an imminent danger, so this probably wasn’t the best time to tell Nico any of that, so maybe we’ll find this out in the nico standalone book that Riordan said he might write 

RACHEL REALLY SAID A PROPHECY. LIKE THIS MAN CAN’T GET ENOUGH WITH THE PROPHECIES AND CLIFFHANGERS CAN HE????

this probably means that we will definitely get a nico standalone book and that’s exciting but STILL i dont even know if it’s CONFIRMED, i just know that out of anything, it is very POSSIBLE

i feel like we never got that much into Nico’s PTSD, and I wish we did. Like on top of finding out that Jason is confirmed dead, Nico has these nightmares that were mentioned only once. Which is another reason why i think we’ll get a standalone Nico book - becasue clearly there’s a LOT more to unpack here. but i just wished that we could have gone deeper into this, because it’s important to address mental health issues like these. i’m glad he’s talking with dionysus though :)

similar to PTSD with Nico, I was kinda wondering how Percy and Annabeth were dealing with that stuff... and also, are they also hearing the voices? 

Chiron said he met with people from other pantheons - what did they discuss? AND HOW DID HE MEET THEM???

LSKJFLKJDF DOES HAZEL KNOW THAT HER BROTHER HAS A BF???? DOES SHE???? I NEED TO KNOW 

SAME WITH REYNA - DOES SHE KNOW?

again, there’s probably more things that i didn’t like or wanted more info on but i can’t remember right now

But anyway, that’s all for now. I want to thank Rick Riordan for blessing us with such an amazing series. Though it could definitely be problematic in some cases, i think overall it was great and it’s very near and dear to my heart.

I love my demigods. 

[apollocomplexx]

Okay, guys, so hear me out. Feel free to add on to this if you guys want.

ALSO THIS INVOLVES SEXUAL IMPLICATIONS(MENTIONS OF HOOK-UP, USAGE OF "LAY", AND FRIENDS W/ BENEFITS), AND BURN VICTIMS. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

But an actual full-length character study of Dabi and Hawks? But like, in an AU where there's no quirks. Dabi, a tattoo artist(i know, so original 🙄) and a burn victim, Hawks. Hawks, who was once a pro athlete who had gotten into an accident ends up having a burn scar smeared right across the side of his face. His backstory is basically similar to his own, but he actually suffered the neglect from his family. So he's got mad mommy and daddy issues. And so, when he was recruited as an athlete(im not sure what sport), he had a full-ride scholarship. He was always a successful person in school and tried to be perfect.

So, he emailed became one of the best AND youngest pro athletes. But, of course, he got caught in a bad accident and he was hospitalized for awhile. Hawks- now Keigo -doesn't have the physical capability to be how he used to. The fastest man alive now barely able to run at a normal speed of the average person. Physical therapy is a bitch.

Because of all his money in reserve, he goes to a therapist. She expresses to him that he seems to have a self-conscious issue with himself. Keigo agrees. Not because he's acknowledging the situation, but because he hates how far he's fallen. He's not the same person he used to be. This prompts the therapist to ask, "Who were you, Keigo?" It throws him for a loop because he can't find himself to be able to scrap up any ideas or proof he actually was a person with a personality.

So, the session ends and he can't stop thinking about it. His best friend, Rumi, encourages him that night whilst eating a a giant bowl full of takeout Ramen that he should, "Try something new! Stop bitching around and wallowing around in your own shit. Life ain't shit. It ain't gonna tell you to get off your ass. You gotta do something." He takes this advice.

There are more troubles when his family ends up contacting him and asking for a stipend on money. You know, to support their "retirement". Keigo, who still has a soft spot and moral compass, reluctantly gives them money. Hie agency had given him a large severance pay when the doctors confirmed to the team and league that he wouldn't be able to play anymore.

Without even contacting Rumi, Keigo decides to do one of the worst(but possibly best decision in his entire life) impulsive things in the textbook. Angrily get a tattoo, that's what he's gonna do. So, he goes to this stupid little tattoo parlor. Isn't the best, the employees are apparently a bit crazy(especially the 18-year-old blonde desk worker, jfc). But he likes the vibe. This is the perfect place to ruin his life. Yes. It's called The League of Villains. Pretty edgy, right? Right, that's the point.

And so he already planned the appointment last night when he was kinda drunk. You know, putting himself in a stupor with deliciously fancy brandy and possible soda in the mix? It was strong. But he was so for this qt the moment. Of course, he was nervous as he got pointed to the closest room. The door was ajar and he could hear some edgy pop punk music he could imagine some teenager in their emo-phase would listen to after their breakup with their first boyfriend they had for like 4 days. So, he opens the door to see this mop of black hair, and instantly, the long overcoat with staples jumps out at him. Oh God, is this guy a teenager stuck in his emo phase?

Said-guy looks up and he has these gorgeous flaming blue eyes that looks like he could drown in and be burnt in at the same time. There were so many piercings on his face, and he looked intense with tattoos. The more he stared. He noticed the leathery burnt flesh underneath the intricately done patchwork of an elaborate tattoo. They were plentiful of electric blue flowers that matched his scorching eyes, monochrome smoke with pairing wild flames that looked something out of a folklore book. It was just utterly magnetic and magical and--

And the tattoo artist glances up at Keigo with this knowing smirk. And wow, he's hot AND pretty. How dare he? His own burn scar visible on his face makes him look so wretched. How can he pull that off so well? And so, that's how Keigo got a Hawks tattoo on the side of his neck. He wasn't that dedicated to get one over his scar like this guy here. Soon enough, he learned that his name is Dabi, he's been a tattoo artist for about three to four years. Before that, he was a starved artist who took like, a couple of years in philosophy(maybe he could be an art student with an associate's???). He blatantly made flirty comments toward Keigo and wow. If he wasn't gay before, he is now.

The two share contact information, they talk, and Keigo genuinely gets 10x better with his mental health. Apparently Dabi had no fucking clue that he was a pro athlete because all he watches are stupid documentaries and terrible reality shows. And maybe some ghibli films, because he's a man of flavor.

Dabi starts to learn a lot about Keigo but Keigo never learns a lot from Dabi. Eventually they start hanging out. This evolves into intense flirting. And then this turns into hook-ups. All Keigo knows is that apparently he's a good lay, Dabi's tongue is very hot for no reason(like temperature don't kill me lmao), and he might have severe commitment issues because he only deems them as friends. Now, Hawks normally wouldn't care. But Dabi then starts to invite him out after he confides in him about his therapy session.

So, they start going on not-dates. To coffee shops, to bakeries, McDonald's at 3am after a quick fuck, and even more stuff that he knows would be deemed as dates but they just aren't. The tattoo artist claims he doesn't care, but it's so evident that he does.

And he doesn't realize Dabi has as many problems as he does when he thinks about the entire situation. He has feelings for the man, and it's apparent that the other wants no strings attached. So, he brings it up after they have an "intimate" moment. Keigo looks over at the raven, and he sees him staring at him with this placid look on his face. And then he swears he sees tears welling up in his eyes. Then there's a slow meld of pink appearing on his face, up on the healthy portion of his skin. Before he knows it, Dabi just fucking up and leaves without much of a word and Keigo just feels-- he feels like shit.

And that's where I stop because I've been typing on my phone for 30 minutes and I'll keep going on. What do you guys thinks lmao

[sunflowerseraph]

HEEHEE! hits u back with the character game uhh thor or bucky :33

!!! I'll do... BOTH >:D ! It'll be long tho so I'm putting em under cuts :}

Here's the ask game btw!

Thor!

How I feel about this character: OH he's such a bi disaster. But he's trying his best. Textbook himbo. Crushed under the weight of his father's expectations of him alot of the time. Probably struggles with self worth nowadays too,with the battles and family he's lost! Also he's very much like those memes abt dudes/dads where they'll mention some horrible childhood trauma and then have some funny song playing in their head like nothin even happened.! I feel like he cares very deeply for the friendships he's made and the found family he's gained with the warriors three [rip] and the avengers! Overall? Kind himbo who respects women and forgets how smart he is sometimes.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: honestly this is such a hard question cause im sure if u presented me with like,good reasons for most people then I'd be on board. But so far one of my Main ships for Thor rn is Bruce and Thor <3 GammaHammer makes me happy :} I've seen thor n valkyrie stuff too which is like aight they're all bi4bi t4t prolly,but honestly a polycule or some shit w Bruce Val and thor would be Inch resting :} I'm not sure tho! Oh and Jane Foster I Guess but she's not rlly up there.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: OH absolutely thor and loki ! Brothers 🤍 I rewatch the thor movies the other day and seeing them fight together and hang out as kids made me so 🥺❗ yknow? I also think Thor n Darcy are a fun pair! Thor and the warriors three make me :} as well bc they're all buddies! That's his little family yknow!! Or. Was.

My unpopular opinion about this character: listen i know I just called him a himbo but he's smarter than people give him credit for I think. But also he's pretty cocky at times with his fighting ability and I feel like that's his greatest downfall. He tends to sorta think he can do everything on his own,and he doesn't rely on others until he really needs to and it ends up w him or his companions hurt :(

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.: ough I wish we could've gotten more time to see him experiencing earth stuff! In other like shows n such (like one of the animated series) its funny to see him interacting with mortals and I feel like we don't get that enough. Like sure we got the "another!" Scene and if you watched the YouTube mocumentary he obviously doesn't understand money or jobs. But it's still funny and I'd like to see him go "I don't understand what that means :D" like an optimistic puppy yknow :]

Uhmm yeh that's for thor! OK Bucky time 🤍

Bucky-

How I feel about this character: I feel like. They should do more w him in the mcu! But that's just bc im a kinnie ig but it makes me sad that he's just viewed as Steve's Sidekick when he's got a personality and works so well as Sam's partner in TFAWTS! I like the representation he can bring to the table though,regarding disability (I mean even though. He's an enhanced person but yknow.) And mental health! He also shows that your past doesn't need to define you and you CAN be free and work past old mistakes.! I feel like he's a little out of touch sometimes bc of the time shifts and mental stuff goin on,but I'm not saying it's a bad thing,its just compelling to meeee

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I USED to ship stevebucky I won't lie,but I much rather prefer SamBucky bc its just better LMAO Sam is much cooler than Steve in many regards and to me Sam is a better influence on Buckys life ig? Like. Idk how to explain it well enough but their banter is better and they compliment eachother rather than one of them taking the reigns all the time. I just like the level playing field where it still feels like Bucky can be a Sidekick but his partner at the same time rather than Just Bucky Barnes. Idk if that makes sense but !

My non-romantic OTP for this character: honestly I'm not sure? I feel like if they could both get over association's with like...almost killing eachother Bucky and Nat could be friends :] both were molded to be Weapons and have to deal with their traumas and mental health. Obviously I also wish Steve would've stuck around bc I hate that he like.LEFT his best friend and new family,but whatever.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I think bucky is sort of a dork actually. Alot of people make him very stoic and Winter Soldiery but that's. Not all he is! He's a complex person who's been used and weaponized and its annoying whenever people try to say he's a stoic person or whatever. Like no bro ur thinking abt the winter soldier. Ofc the winter solider was/is part of him and that doesn't just shut off but I think it's bs to boil him down to Killing Machine Assasinator Ooo Scary! When he was also a soldier during. Fucking Ww2! He was also like shown to be a bit of a dorky guy who liked to dance and be with chick's n shit lmao,like he mustve been a charmer. And even after,like during tfatws he's shown to still have bits of that personality. He messes around with Sam's nephews and offers help without prompting and just overall wants to live a more peaceful life while still managing to be social and humorous. ("How old are you anyways?" "106.") Anyways I think what I'm saying is ppl tend to forget to split him and tws.!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.: this is sort of similar to the Thor thing but discovering new age shit! Like I wanna see him be bad at tech or be confused by new slang. Also wanna see him like, get annoyed at how the tech is where he's at vs. The wakandan tech. That shit probably blew his socks off and then he had to go hang w Americans and went :(?? How do i use a flip phone. The beads were so convenient in Wakanda HFNEBDB. I also wish we could've actually seen how bucky Healed in Wakanda?? Like however he was helped yknow? I'm sure they (mcu) can't like do much besides say he was Magically Cured Of Mental Illness so I guess I'm glad they left it up to whatever but. Still 😔

Anyways uhm yeah! Sorry this is so long sjdjf it prolly doesn't make much sense but 👍❤

[abdicatedarchive]

Lasagna || Wren & Chanel

Redo of Wren and Chanel’s first conversation when he returned to White Lake @chrysolites

Wren: Hey idk if ur mom told u but i moved back to town, r u still next door?

Chanel: Lawrence?

Wren: Wren, but yeah 😀

Chanel: oh sorry lmao but no my mom didn't tell me, she's been busy lately. how long are you staying?

Wren: just wondering, i ran into her and she insisted on giving me your number haha 

Wren: I'm moving here permanently actually

Chanel: omg... im sorry, was she annoying? 

Chanel: really? wow that's fun! maybe we should catch up sometime 

Chanel: if you want

Wren: she didn't recognize me at first, but she was just talking about when we were kids 

Wren: rory's out for the night, but me and nana are having lasagna if you want to come by for dinner? She's heading out pretty quick for her book club, so maybe we could watch a movie or something 

Wren: catch up, we could roller blade?

Chanel: probably cause it's been so long, sorry about that. her brain is not that big 

Chanel: sure, im not doing anything today   

Chanel: do you still roller blade?? i do! we can totally do that

Wren: I haven't in a long time, but I'm down to be a total clutz 

Wren: head over around 7?

Chanel: sounds good!

Wren had set the table and was helping Nana set up the kitchen, "You excited to see your old friend Laurie?" asked Nana with that special glean in her eye. "Uh yeah, it's whatever" said Wren shrugging it off, he was kind of nervous to see her after so long. But he knew that he was looking a lot better, and he was excited to see the look on her face. That validating look that would affirm for him that he had gotten a lot better looking. He'd been recovered for a while, and he was feeling good, like he didn't need to see someone in town for mental health. He heard a knock at the door and he headed over, "I got it" he said to Nana and she just smiled to herself and took the lasagna out of the oven. "Hey" said Wren as he opened the door for her.

Chanel put in the extra effort to put on something cute. She went with a pink top that ties up in the front with a matching skirt. Not too revealing cause Nana would be there but enough to show Wren how good she looks. Chanel was always told that she was a pretty girl, but her confidence was at an all time high. Before leaving the house, she texted her mom that she'd be at his house. She didn't want to think about the conversation Tiffany had with Wren, she must have made Chanel look like such a dweeb. As she made her way over to his house, she could feel the nerves kick in. She hadn't seen him in years, he never even wrote to her. Neither of them did, but Chanel was just too scared to send the letters, she tried. She knocked on he door and took a deep breath before Wren opened the door. Her eyes widened as she slowly looked up at him, "Oh. Hi." she said, putting on a sweet smile. What the fuck happened to him? She always loved her little Laurie, but he was so tall and really hot. Like really hot. "It's been so long. You look good." she said softly. There was clearly a lot going on in her head.

Wren would have noticed how she looked at him more, but he was distracted. Respectfully distracted. Don't look, don't think about it, you've seen more from her instagram, you got this he thought to himself as she told him that he looked good. That was all he needed to hear, that validation that it wasn't all in his head. It was what he was most looking forward to that one summer he was supposed to come back, but he ended up going to rehab instead. But that was the old Wren, he was feeling healthy and confident: ready to be back here. "You look great too" said Wren going in to give her a hug, which ended up being a little bit of an awkward hug to begin with. "Oh Chanel!" said Nana as she came up and gave the girl a hug as well, "Dinner is all set, but I'll only be here for a little while so you two can catch up better" said the woman as she led them into the dining room and everyone sat down.

Chanel loved hearing that she looked good, it's all she ever heard but it was just more fuel for her ego. If she had known he looked like this, maybe she would've worn something more reveling. Nana was cool, she would have understood. She was taken back as he went in for a hug, but she wrapped her arms around him awkwardly and patted his back. Chanel's smile widened once she saw Nana, she didn't see her as often anymore but that was mostly her fault. Seeing Nana reminded her of Wren. "Thanks for inviting me, I've always loved your cooking." she said with a nod. "We do have a lot to catch up on." she looked up at Wren as she passed by him to go into the dining room, her tone being a little suggestive. "So are your parents here?" she asked Wren as she took a seat. "Why did you guys decide to come back?"

Wren just assumed that was how she talked, not that she was being suggestive. He just didn't pick up on things like that at all, especially not from her. Wren knew he looked good, but he didn't think that he looked Chanel level good so there was nothing to even consider. He had friend-zoned himself. "My parents are off in Europe teaching and writing, they're cultural anthropologists which I could never have pronounced last time we hung out" he joked, it was a big word and they hadn't seen each other since they were small. "But Rory and I wanted to finish high school in the states, so we decided to move in with Nana" he replied, he was nervous to go back to school in a month or so. Luckily most people wouldn't remember him or recognize him anyways. "White Lake has a great team, so it just all works out" Wren said with a soft smile.

"Right, cultural anthropologists." Chanel repeated back with a smile. "I think I use to tell my parents that they worked with culture and they'd just ignore it." she shrugged her shoulders. "But that's exciting for them." It was a little sad to think that Chanel wouldn't be seeing Wren's parents right now, but if he was living here permanently, she assumed his parents would eventually visit. Her brows raised once she mentioned a team, "Oh you're going to be on a team? Like the debate team?" she asked. Chanel just assumed it would be something like a debate team and not a sports team. He never played on a sports team when they were younger.

Wren realized that she really didn't know him at all anymore, which was weird for him. They used to know everything about each other, "Basketball" said Wren to clarify, "I used to do swimming and lacrosse too, but I'm slowing down a little and focusing more on just the one" Wren stated, "What are your extra curriculars now?" he asked, already knowing she did cheerleading. He'd looked her up on instagram on several occasions. Luckily she didn't know that, so it just looked like he was making conversation. Nana was just serving up the lasagna.

Chanel tried to not look so shocked by the answer but she was. It made her wonder how much he's changed since they last saw each other. She definitely changed. He was always so sweet, he'd probably hate the person she is now. "Wow, you were doing so much. That must have been fun. We could always go swimming together when you're free." she told him with a smile. She just looked great in her bikinis and thought he'd appreciate the sight. Who wouldn't? "I'm on the cheer team, been doing it since freshman year. So I guess I'll be cheering you on at your games." she said in a sweet tone. "Thanks." she nodded at Nana as she was served her food. "It looks amazing."

"Yeah, I'm lifeguarding down at the country club" said Wren with a smile, he had thought it was a good way to keep busy and make friends before school started. He had already made one good friend, so that was an improvement from last time he was in White Lake. He really only had two friends when he left, not that he had managed to stay in contact with either of them. "That will be so sweet, I'll also be cheering at the games" said Nana with a laugh as she sipped her wine. "So you must know Valerie" said Wren with a smile, blushing a little but not too noticeably as he dug into his food.

Chanel started eating the food when Wren brought up Valerie. Ew. Out of all people, he wants to talk about her. "Valerie Richie?" she asked with a straight face. "Yeah, she's on the team." Unfortunately. she kept the thought to herself. "Why? Did you know before you moved? I don't really remember if you did." That was a lie. She knew Valerie and Wren did not talk to each other back then.

"Funny enough, I never met her before. She must have been in different classrooms all those years" said Wren thinking about it, he hadn't even known how long she had lived here. "I was looking for a present for Nana when I ran into her, and we ended up going on a sort of date and then an actual date. She's really nice" said the boy smiling to himself as he ate another forkful of lasagna. "Do you like being on the team with her?" he asked.

Chanel stayed quiet for a second, she wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this. She didn't know he had such bad taste in girls. She also questioned how long he's been in town. Wren was already going on dates with other girls and he only texted her cause her mom gave him her number. He must not even want her over. Maybe what she thought back then was true, and Wren just didn't really want anything to her. "Actually no I don't." she said casually. "We don't get along, never have." she shrugged her shoulders. "Um, just wondering but how long have you been back?"

Wren was surprised that Chanel didn't get along with Valerie, she was such a nice girl. Well, they both were. Maybe it was a weird long term rivalry or something, he was sure they would work it out soon enough. I mean, now they have Wren in common. Well he hoped they would. Chanel was one of his oldest friends, and he would hate to have her not want to be in his life. He decided to not say anything, "Like three/four days" said Wren candidly. He had spent the first day with Nana and Rory getting settled, then he met Valerie in town the next day and they went out the day after that. Nana interrupted, "Oooooh, okay I definitely have to go to book club, Mrs. Street just found out from her husband who the mayor is having that affair with" said Nana laughing to herself a little, "Gotta go hear the gossip" she said as she got up, "Chanel it was so lovely to see you" she added as she gave Wren a kiss on the top of his head and headed out.

Chanel nodded at the answer that was given to her. It wasn't that long, but deep down in her heart she kind of hoped she'd be one of the first people he went to see. But she understood, they weren't like they used to be. "Oh, well I'm glad you're back. I've missed you." she said with a genuine smile. Chanel turned to Nana as she spoke, the smile instantly disappearing as she mentioned the mayor's affair. She could feel her heart drop. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to go. Now Nana is gonna hate Chanel and her family too. "Huh?" she snapped out of it and looked at up at the woman. "Oh right, yeah. It was nice seeing you too." she turned over to Wren and forced a smile. "So... this lasagna. It's really good." she said, playing with the food on her plate. Chanel didn't know what to say, but she felt like she needed to distract Wren enough to not ask questions.

Wren started eating some salad as Nana left and he smiled and waved, excited to get to spend time with just Chanel. They could watch snow dogs or they could go roller skating. The options were ... well they weren't endless but they were something. "I can't believe how much drama this town has" said Wren just making conversation, not knowing any better. "Does the mayor have kids or anything? That kinda sucks that everyone is talking about it" he added.

"Yeah, it's sucks." Chanel spoke quietly. It's all people were talking about and now that everyone knew it was her mom, people were starting to give her nasty looks now. She hadn't done anything but people had already made their minds up about her. "Um yeah he does. They go to our school, one son and one daughter." Chanel looked up at Wren as she spoke, she felt like avoiding eye contact with him would make her look suspicious for some reason. She didn't even want to think about how Juliette and Montag were feeling. They probably felt the same way she did, but she avoided them at all cost. "You've missed a lot." she forced out a laugh, trying to make light of the situation.

"I feel like I have" said Wren, "But Stevie's still here, and Taron. I should really reach out to them" he said with a shrug. He knew he should, it was just that he wanted to be confident and at his best when he saw everyone he knew. He wanted everything to be in order, completely under control before he threw himself back into everyone's lives. He also knew that those people would come with their opinions of other people, and he wanted to be open to getting to know people himself. "How have you been? Things good at home?" he asked, hoping that was a nice change of topic.

"I'm sure Taron misses you. I go over his and Sophie's house a lot." Chanel had been spending even more time over their house since things at home were getting worse. She was really grateful for the Hayworth's but she felt like such an annoyance, she was going over so frequently. "Home? It's fine. I've been okay- good. I've been good." she corrected herself. Chanel had been super stressed lately. Things at home were worse than they've ever been, but she didn't want Wren to know that. She just wanted a nice dinner with him. "So does your family still call you Laurie? Or is that completely off the table now? I liked it." she tried changing the subject, hoping that talking about himself would distract him enough.(edited)January 1, 2021

It was good to hear that everyone else was still close, he worried that people would have massive drama that he would have to navigate when he got back. He didn't want to pick sides on years long beef when he didn't really even know anyone that well anymore. "Nana does, even Rory calls me Wren now" said the boy with a smile, he wouldn't super mind it if Chanel called him Laurie, as long as it didn't catch on at school. He liked Wren better, but hearing her say Laurie brought a childhood familiarity to him that he hadn't felt in years.

Chanel loved his old nickname. As kids she never used his full name, it just seemed too weird saying it out loud. "That's nice." she said. It sounded like she wasn't paying attention to what he was saying, but she was too busy thinking about Nana coming back. She didn't want to leave, but she couldn't stay. It was best to save the embarrassment and get out while the woman was gone. Having dinner alone with Chanel must have been uncomfortable for Wren anyways. "I'm really sorry but I... I need to go. I'm not feeling well." she was already getting up from her seat as she spoke.

Wren was surprised when she said she had to go, she had seemed fine. "Yeah, um let me walk you out" he said as he got up from his seat. He had wanted to catch up more, to go roller skating or watch a movie. Just spending time with her already made him happy to be back in White Lake. There was something about Chanel Hampton that was comforting for him. "It was really nice seeing you again, Chanel" said Wren with a soft smile across his lips. He couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was, and he was hoping that they could get back to being friends like when they were children.

Chanel crossed her arms over her body as she walked towards the door, she didn't want to come off rude with her sudden exit but she panicked. Even after all these years, she still cared so much about Wren's opinion on her. Even if this news about her family didn't change his mind, he'd eventually find out how much she's changed. It was best to avoid him altogether. It's not like they were really friends anymore. "Yeah it was. I guess I'll see you around. Bye, Wren." she responded back with a weak smile before heading out the door and to her house.

[mistymark]

nct dream as classmates

renjun

carries like 346342 things in his pencil case

is constantly drawing in his notebook and textbooks

leans over to doodle in the margins of your pages

his notes are really messy tho

rolls his eyes at ur much neater, more aesthetically pleasing notes

but is always willing to give u coloured pens and pencils to keep to a colour theme

is probably shocked to find out he's top of the class and thinks its a joke

but boy is just smart af

but all his word documents are titled like ‘redox fucking reactions’ ‘what the fuck is a chloroplast’ ‘??????????’

sends u all his notes tho

texts u at midnight all the time for no fuckin reason

it always starts with ‘yo are u still awake’

and ur like ‘yeah whats up’

and then he’ll respond with the most RANDOM shit

like what goes through that boys head

‘do u think I should use yellow or orange for the next part of my project’

‘idk send me a photo’

‘no just pick’

‘uh yellow’

‘im gonna go with blue’

either rocks up to classes looking like a god or an absolute mess theres no in between

marches through the halls with his hair a mess and doesnt give a shit

lowkey terrifies the younger students lmao

but will help them out if they ask for it

jeno

good student

studies enough but doesnt stress that much

he's just here for a good time

throws snacks at u when u frown at ur work until u look up at him and smile

lowkey worried about ur mental health

that shy kid that everyone expects to be average at all his subjects but u catch a glance of his tests and theyre all A+

owns a planner

uses it

what

I know

keeps track of a lot of school events bc he has a lot of extra curriculars

tries to get u to join more

(no)

probably knows ur schedule better than u do

‘hey jeno what do u have next’

‘calculus’

‘...’

‘that means you have chemistry’

ur always yelling at him through the halls like ‘OI JENO WHERE U GOING’ to try and find out what subject u have next

walks u to classes even if theyre in the completely wrong direction to his own

you really only have study hall together

but u had a lot of classes in common last year and ur habits of studying together just carried through I guess

has really good fashion sense 

lowkey dresses like a fuckboi

donghyuck

sometimes you just wanna punch him in the face tbh

‘hey y/n can I borrow a pencil?’

‘do u have spare paper?’

‘can we share ur textbook’

but ofc u love him sm and he's ur study buddy

studying together mainly ends up with him lying on ur bed throwing a ball up in the air while u sit at ur desk and actually study

is so willing to quiz you with ur flashcards tho

beams so hard when u get something write while he's quizzing u

claims he’ll treat u to coffee afterwards but never does lmao

makes up songs and rhymes to help him remember formulas and equations

recites the quadratic formula song whenever u mention math (even if it has nothing to do with what ur learning)

always suggests going to cafes and parks and stuff to study then spends the entire time doing the opposite of studying

‘come onnn y/n u need to relax a bit’

texts u in the morning to ask u to bring him a spare calculator or something for a test bc he forgot his

claims u to be his life saver

probably has ur contact in his phone as ‘lifeline’ or something equally cheesy

really appreciates u tho

jaemin

literally the #1 study buddy

brings heaps of snacks whenever u study together

when its late he’ll text u and tell u to go to sleep

has every single study tip crammed into his head and regurgitates them all whenever u complain about having to study

furrows his brows when u say u didn't get enough sleep but doesnt say anything

he's probably popular af

flirts with the teachers and laughs when u elbow him to stop

soooo well known ?? like even people at other schools know him ??

has aesthetic notes tho

probably has his own studygram

wears soft sweaters to classes

literally just looks like he has his life in order

gets one bad grade and studies his butt off to improve

‘life is all about improving y/n we cant all be amazing at everything straight away’

keeps u sane tbh

like literally how has he not had a mental breakdown yet its the middle of the year

youve had four just this week

‘do u want me to bring u coffee this morning?’

chenle

studies with u all the time

but he doesnt actually study

he's just waiting for u to finish so u can go catch a movie or go out to eat

stays up late playing video games

*sips coffee* “I havent slept in six days”

doesnt even like the taste of coffee

all the teachers love him tho

like he's playful and cheery but is super respectful too

he's just really good w adults ?

sends u texts during class and u wonder how he hasn't been caught

probably has never had a detention

but has been close to getting one 1289823 times

that kid that carries around one 5-subject notebook and two pens and thats literally it

brings his own lunch but trades it for jisung’s lunchables

sneaks food off ur plate all the time in the cafeteria

smiles at everyone in the hallway

offers u a ride home as much as he can

or he catches the bus with you

and shares his headphones with u

jisung

probably that kid that takes aggressive notes in the back of the class

tells u to shut up during class (and its not so he can focus lmao)

tries to get all his work done in class so he has no homework

groans whenever the teacher gives u activities

makes a face whenever a new slide pops up on the board

lots of question marks in his notes

‘to find the derivative of an exponential, it stays the same?’

‘aerobic respiration occurs in three stages: ????, the Krebs cycle and the electron transport chain’

invites u over to play video games the night before a big test

‘its self care’

shut up jisung we all know u just need an excuse to hang out

the teachers convince him to sign up to be a tutor

makes u come to all his tutoring sessions

you go out to eat afterwards

and just chill on a park bench and eat food truck food until its getting late

offers u his jacket on the walk home

has really red cheeks that are ‘from the cold’

theyre not

[raiswriting]

dancing with your ghost

inspired by this song

warnings: symptoms that are similar to mental health issues like depression but never explicitly stated

genre: pure angst sorry

pairing: lucas/yukhei wong x reader

summary: ummm heartache???? basically the aftermath of a ‘hey let’s pretend to be dating bc i need someone to take to this wedding and you need someone to scare off your ex’ type of story

word count: 1582

a/n: lmao i am reposting this because it absolutely flopped the first time hehehe ALSO i made a playlist to go with this story. the first half or so is the same playlist that is mentioned in the story then the second half is more about the theme of it. i put way too much effort into it but i hope you enjoy it!! 

there was an emptiness that couldn’t be filled

an ache that couldn’t be soothed

a feeling of nostalgia for what never was

honestly you couldn’t be sure if this hole in your chest was a bad thing anymore. you’d grown so used to it that the thought of one day living with out it seemed so fantastical and out of reach. you found a sort of morbid comfort in the sorrow

time has slipped away as routine comfortably took its place. mondays became indistinguishable from wednesday or friday. the only thing separating saturday and sunday from the rest was the lack of work.

your thoughts drifted from the idea of getting up and taking a shower or even just washing your face to the cup of tea that’s been sitting on the coffee table and once more to your phone lying next to it. it lit up with yet another text message to which you would send yet another half-assed response of ‘id love to get together but work has been super busy lately and i need a me weekend.’ you wonder how many more ‘me weekends’ you’d be able to have before someone saw through it.

you just couldn’t have that face to face conversation with any of them. how do you explain that none of it was serious. or that all he needed was someone to take to family get-togethers for when his uncles would ask about his love life. or that you had grown so used to his hand in yours that the emptiness you felt when he wasn’t there scared you. or that you missed him. how could you look someone in the eyes and say that you had not only lost a love but also a best friend. how do you describe that hurt. how do you say that you feel unlovable. how.

you couldn’t say those thoughts aloud because as soon as you did they’d become real. he would really be gone. and happy. and in love. and you would have to admit that you were hurting. you’d have to admit that it was really over.

so instead you lay here on the sofa. and keep it all in. sometimes you can’t help but remember him. and how happy he’d been.

the knock on your door drew your attention from the sheet of cookies ready to go into the oven.

there he stood in the doorway with a smile so bright that it put the stars on the clearest of nights to shame.

‘hey y/n’ he pulled you into a warm embrace. the scent of his cologne was intoxicating. strong and inviting, the prefect reflection of his personality.

‘hey lucas. i wasn’t expecting to stop by today.’

‘yeah i just wanted to share some good news with you. like really good news. like i came here as fast as I could kind of news.’ he spoke so excitedly as he followed you back into the kitchen.

‘well spit it out,’ you reply while placing the sheet of cookies in the oven.

‘i found someone,’ his smile wider than ever.

you almost dropped the sheet of cookies as you took in what he said. you knew this day would come. the day he would find someone to actually love and care for. the day he no longer needed you. but still you hoped and prayed that maybe there was something there. maybe the secret touches shared between just the two of you actually meant something. that maybe he’d choose you.

he didn’t.

‘so get this. i was walking into the coffee shop on seventh street that me and you usually go to. and i bumped into this gorgeous girl and spilled her whole coffee so i offered to buy her a new one.’ he rubbed the back of his neck and looked to the floor. ‘so cheesy and cliché i know. but y/n this girl. we talked and talked and she made everything seem to….right. when I looked into her eyes i just felt…’ he sighed and leaned against the counter.

‘…like everything just seemed to make sense for once.’ you finished the sentence for him as you checked on the cookies.

‘yeah exactly’ he didn’t even try the hide his love struck expression. it was clear as day that he was really falling. ‘when i talked to her it was so easy. almost as if we knew each other for years.’

we did.

you looked him in the eyes for the first time since he broke the news and forced a smile to your face. you couldn’t even fathom the idea of ruining this for him.

‘lucas im ecstatic for you.’

‘really?’

‘of course. if there’s anyone who deserves true love and happiness in life, it’s you.’ and you meant that. it just hurts that he found it in someone else.

‘and hey. at least now you actually have someone to take to all your family functions.’

he chuckled lightly, ‘yeah you’re right. i don’t know if your cheeks could handle another one if aunt maya’s pinches.’

‘the pinches i could handle,’ you say as you forced a laugh out, ‘but I’d have to buy a gym membership if i had another dinner at your parents house.’

‘it’s not my fault mom loves insisting on third helpings’ this time he let out a full real laugh, remembering all the shared glances between the two of you at a dinner table. wondering how you could possibly eat another slice of meatloaf.

‘we can celebrate your new found love with some cookies, if you’d like. they should be done in a minute or two.’

the smile dropped slightly from his face. ‘oh y/n. i’d love to really but i promised angelina that i’d meet her again for coffee. i just stopped by the tell you the good news.’

‘of course, of course. you should get going then. a love like this comes around once in a life time.’ and who am i to stand in the way of someone living their lifetime.

lucas cast a sympathetic look before pushing himself off of the counter and embracing you once more.

‘thank you for everything y/n. seriously. you’ve helped me out so much. if you need anything let me know.’ his cologne was still so strong. and it hurt to know that someone else was going to experience it like this.

‘that’s what best friends are for lucas. you’ll be the first person i call when im sick and throwing up everywhere.’

you could feel him chuckle lightly before placing a kiss on the top of your head.

‘you got it y/n.’

the door shut, leaving you alone.

your hands shook as you took the cookies out of the oven and set the tray in the stove top. they shook as you turned it off. they shook as you took off the oven mits. they shook as you ran them down your face only to find them wet with tears. and they shook as you lowered yourself to the kitchen floor.

your hands were steady now and found their way to that playlist like muscle memory. you had long since deleted all the photos of you and him. but you just couldn’t find the strength to delete this. he had made it for you before the whole fiasco of pretending to be together had ever crossed either of your minds. he said that ‘these song remind me of us.’ and maybe you had gotten your own hopes up. maybe you had searched too deeply between the lines of lyrics. maybe you looked so hard that you had only found what you wanted to. because they were just songs. songs of bad timing and unrequited love. but at the end of the day still. just. songs.

as they played throughout the room. filling the stale silence as your body began to move, lifting you from the couch. your gaze landing on the sweater which rested on the arm of a chair. it was his. he had left it accidentally when spending the night here one time. you had meant to give it back for some time now but haven’t been able to. everytime you had gained the courage to call him and ask him over, he was busy. eventually you stopped calling. and he stopped texting. stopped checking in. so there the sweater sits. still smelling of him.

your body began to move once more reaching out for it and pulling it close to you. maybe if you breathed in enough of his scent, it’d feel like he was here with you again. of course it didn’t but it was as close you could get.

your hips swayed to the rhythm. as your feet worked their way around the living room. stepping over pillows and discarded take out. you danced for the first time in what felt like years. you felt the tears fall but paid them no mind. still clutching the article of clothing impossibly close to you, you sang along with the lyrics.

Yelling at the sky

Screaming at the world

Baby, why’d you go away?

I’m still your girl

Holding on too tight

Head up in the clouds

Heaven only knows

Where you are now

I stay up all night

Tell myself I’m alright

Baby, you’re just harder to see than most

I put the record on

Wait ‘til I hear our song

Every night I’m dancing with your ghost

Every night I’m dancing with your ghost

a/n: there it is. i was listening to this song today and got super inspired and just had to write. there’s also a reference to a hobo johnson song if you can find it ;) thanks for reading. let me know if you’d like a prequel to this when reader and lucas were together. i hope you enjoyed and pls feel free to leave constructive criticism. thanks, rai :)

[switchdnp]

i sent the ask about femdom and sub!dnp and CAN U PLEASE WRITE THAT??? PLEASE UR SUCH A GOOD WRITER IM BEGGING YOU

word count: 2533 

warnings: dom/sub themes, praise, teasing, fingering, blowjobs, dan eats pussy thank the lord, way way WAY too much buildup its ridiculous

a/n: hi yall my mental and physical health hasnt been the best lately so this took me like a billion years, i hope it was worth the wait !! not proofread at all and some of it written in the middle of a flare lmao so im super sorry if theres any obvious obnoxious typos!!

“Hey, are you sure you want to do this? We can always back out if you want.”

Phil hadn’t been expecting to say those words tonight, not when they were just going out for a small party, invited by a few of their friends for a celebration over something they couldn’t even quite remember. He especially hadn’t been expecting to say them in their current context, with him and his boyfriend in the bed of someone else–someone else who happened to be a woman—waiting together for her.

They’d met her at the party, a few drinks and a whole lot of flirting leading the both of them back to her house. Maybe it was just how sweet she was, how both Dan and Phil had been longing for the possibility of another threesome, too long a time since their last one (A whole seven months, actually, and honestly, they shouldn’t keep record of those things, but Dan demanded they mark the occasion every time.) But really, what most likely ended them up in this situation was how curious they were.

It had been so long since either of them had sex with a woman. Even when they invited in others to their bedroom, however rare that event was, they were almost always men. It wasn’t like they didn’t want to, it just seemed like for whatever reason, it never happened. So when the chance for such a thing happened to arrive, nothing was stopping Dan or Phil from snatching it up the second they could. They were both horny bastards, after all.

Samantha was her name, Sammy for short, and the way she held herself piqued Dan’s interest from the beginning, all the way back at the party. She was so confident, absolutely taking control of the room with her self-assured presence. He mentioned it to Phil absentmindedly, and Phil had burst into a fit of giggles, murmuring that Dan acted the same way.

“You must be attracted to yourself, then.”He’d laughed, taking another sip of whatever moderately alcoholic thing they were drinking together—always together, of course. They couldn’t not share anything, not even drinks.

“You’d be into that. Two Dans, going at each other.”Dan teased in return, chuckling at the way Phil blanched immediately.

“Surprisingly, no. And even if I did like that, I’d much rather be actually involved in the action.”

“Oh, so you want all the attention,” Dan continued to banter, wrapping an arm around Phil and kissing the side of his head, even as he frowned and cringed at the words. “well I can’t deny you that, you are pretty cute after all.”

“Is that the only reason you keep me around, to be cute?”Phil asked, giving into Dan’s affections and resting his head on his shoulder, wanting to be closer, as close as they could be in a public place. Dan didn’t get a chance to answer, however, because that’s when Sammy came over. She initiated the conversation so easily and flawlessly it nearly made Phil’s head spin, unable to imagine how someone could socialize with so little effort.

A few minutes in and they were already head over heels, Phil especially. She reminded him so much of Dan, had the same attitude and personality, even down to the way she smirked when she teased them, and giggled when she got teased back. It was so easy talking to her, like they’d known her for years, instead of what was probably only half an hour. The flirting and questions came naturally, questions about what they wanted to do, if they really wanted to do anything.

The decision was easy to make, and that’s how they’d ended up here. Dan was curled up with his head in Phil’s lap, too lazy to properly sit up until Sammy came back in the room. He took a deep breath, let out an even deeper sigh, and after a little bit of thinking he was ready to answer Phil’s question.

“I mean, I want to, I honestly do. I’m a little intimidated since it’s been so long, but it’s not like anything bad is gonna happen.” He muttered, tapping his thumb against Phil’s knee. Phil giggled, and brought Dan’s hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his thumb to try and sooth his fidgeting.

“Besides, it’s not like eating ass and eating pussy can be that different, right? And I eat you out all the time.”Dan added, making Phil whine and scold him. His cheeks were red, and as embarrassed as he was, Dan could tell he loved it. Before he could further fluster his boyfriend, Sammy was opening the door, walking in with the same confidence she’d had at the party. She’d undressed, down to her underwear, and somehow that made Dan and Phil feel self conscious about still having their clothes on. Just as Phil started tugging his hoodie off, Sammy stopped him, murmuring out a stern, yet gentle, “Wait, hold on.”

Phil froze like he’d been caught committing a crime, and Dan couldn’t help but snort at the expression on his face.

“Don’t worry, I just wanted to ask you what exactly you wanted to really be doing tonight. Before we actually got into stuff.”She reassured, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Her slick brown hair was pulled up into a pony tail, and it bounced every time she moved. If they were in any other context, Dan would’ve commented on how cute that was. As things were, he didn’t think now would be the right time.

“Well, we’re good for anything, really. Is there anything you had in mind?”Dan explained, knowing Phil would rather him speak for the both of him. He was much shyer, stumbled over his words in situations like these, and it was just easier for Dan to say what they wanted.

“Actually, I kind of wanted to maybe be the one in charge? If that was okay with you?”

That question set off a reaction in Dan’s head, a sort of rush of adrenaline shooting through his body, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Neither of them had ever been dommed by a woman, but the opportunity seemed incredibly appealing right now. He glanced over to Phil, and his boyfriend nodded in response to the question he didn’t even have to ask. He liked the idea too.

“Yes, we’re both okay with that. More than okay with it, actually.”Dan replied, his knees starting to feel a little weak as he realized what was about to happen. He’d never done this before. Sure, he’d fantasized about it, especially when he was a lonely teenager with only his hand and a whole lot of low quality porn to keep him content, but the idea that that fantasy was finally coming true was more than a little nerve wracking, and a whole lot exciting.

“Okay, how about you two start by getting undressed then, yeah? Make it quick, be good for me.”Sammy instructed, the grin on her face turning cheekier as she let herself slip into headspace. They both did as they were told, Phil struggling with his jeans a little more than Dan. Sammy chuckled playfully, helping him tug them down, and that relieved any of the excess nerves and tension in the room.

She let her fingers trace delicately along Phil’s thighs once the jeans were off, skimming over the sensitive skin, and dragging her pointer finger all the way down to crease of his hip. Her hand was dangerously close to his quickly hardening cock, but Phil knew it was far too early in the night for her to be touching him yet. He was familiar with that method of teasing, Dan using it on him all too often. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it though.

Sammy noticed the way he was holding back, trying to keep his hips from bucking, and she smirked at him.

“Good boy, just stay still for me.”She praised, her other hand drifting up to Phil’s chest now. She didn’t miss the way Phil quivered when her thumb brushed over a nipple, glancing over to Dan and asking “He’s sensitive here, isn’t he?”

Dan nodded, “Yeah, he goes absolutely crazy. I made him cum just from his nipples once, took a lot of work to get him there.”

Phil was just about to tell him off for bringing that old memory up when one of Sammy’s hands finally wrapped around the head of his cock, just the faintest of touches, but more than enough to take him by surprise. He leaned forward with it as she started to jerk him off, resting his head in the crook of her neck. Sammy reached up with her free hand to run her fingers through his hair, and that little jealous instinct in the back of Dan’s mind piqued at the sight, something in his chest growing tighter when he thought about how many times he’d been in the same position with Phil. But he pushed it aside, instead focusing on how gorgeous his boyfriend looked getting pleasured, his eyes fluttered shut and lower lip caught between his teeth now.

Sammy turned to face Dan as she continued to get Phil off, eyes glancing down to his hard, neglected cock. She gave him permission to touch himself, and within seconds Dan was wrapping his hand around the leaking tip, rubbing a thumb through his slit repeatedly. The sudden onslaught of stimulation was enough to have Dan shivering, his hips twitching sporadically.

After a few more minutes like that, Sammy switched her attention over to Dan, pressing their lips together first. It was odd, kissing someone who wasn’t Phil. Dan had almost forgotten he was capable of it. It was even more with Phil sitting right beside him, watching everything go down, and getting off to it. Before he knew it, Sammy was leaning back and spreading her legs, leading Dan down to where he could sit comfortably on his stomach in between them. Her hand tangled in his hair, and she pushed his head down, letting him know what she wanted from him.

He kissed over her labia, letting his tongue dip between the two folds, lapping up the growing wetness there. Sammy moaned, and Dan could hear Phil moan in time with her, hear the sound of skin slapping gradually speeding up, letting him know just how much Phil was enjoying this. They both spurred him on, encouraged him to try even harder as he licked over her clit, dragging his tongue slow and careful, almost hesitant as he tried to remember how exactly he’d done this with his old girlfriend.

“Just like that, keep it up sweetheart.”Sammy half-instructed half-groaned, letting herself get caught up in the sensations. It felt so good, too good, and for a moment she was almost worried about losing her composure. She whined again, and Dan’s confidence spiked. He buried his face deeper, alternating between sucking on her clit and circling it with his tongue. He was so invested he barely noticed when Sammy brought Phil over to let him kiss her too, her tongue slipping in his mouth.

She pulled away for a second to speak, “Phil, I want you to finger Dan for me, make him feel good and later I’ll let you cum, okay baby?”

Phil nodded and pulled the lube out of her bedside drawer, slicking his fingers up before circling one around Dan’s rim. Dan moaned against Sammy, the vibrations from his mouth making her thighs shiver around his head. She wrapped her fingers around Phil’s cock once more, dipping a thumb through his slit, and playing with the leaking precum there. He shuddered, hips bucking up without control now.

A second finger pushed past Dan’s rim, and he clenched tight around it, wanting to remind Phil of how nice that felt squeezing around his dick. He was successful, if the way Phil started finger-fucking him faster then, dragging his fingers in and out and rubbing roughly against his prostate, was anything to go by. His cock was practically throbbing now, wound up beyond relief and ready to cum at any second. Honestly, he hadn’t gotten this close this quickly in ages, and maybe it was from the extended foreplay, but Dan had a feeling something about the rush of a whole new experience was playing a part in how he could already feel his orgasm building in his gut.

Sammy was getting close too, he could tell, and he doubled his efforts in hopes of getting her there just from his tongue, it’d worked for Phil plenty of times, after all. Sammy’s fingers gripped tighter in his hair and pushed him even harder, as if trying to keep control of Dan’s mouth, use him in the best way possible. The thought, combined with Phil pressing in a third finger at the same time, was enough to send Dan over the edge, and he came whimpering into her, hips rutting pitifully against the soft bed as he rode out the last waves of his release. Phil pulled out his fingers when the stimulation started to border on painful, Sammy followed soon after, her lips parted, mouth dropped agape as she hit her high. It reminded Dan of how Phil looked when he came, and honestly, that shouldn’t have turned him on as much as it did.

Just as Dan started to properly settle down, Phil was whining for the attention back on him, his cock now completely untouched, dark red at the tip. Sammy didn’t even need to give him instructions before Dan was pushing Phil’s dick past his lips. suppressing what little gag reflex he had left after years of sucking cock, and taking him down to the hilt. He swallowed around Phil, his throat fluttering on the tip of his dick, and Phil was cumming within seconds, not needing much after having been teased the whole night.

Phil panted as he came back down, falling back on the bed, and savoring how nice the cold sheets felt on his overheated skin. Sammy chuckled at the display, getting up and grabbing a wet cloth from the bathroom. She cleaned him and Dan up, praising them both for having done such a good job, and helping them shift out of subspace.

She climbed into the bed next to them, seemingly unfazed by the concept of sleeping with two strangers (if they could really be called strangers after all that) beside her, but Dan and Phil took it in stride. The mattress was comfortable anyways, more comfortable than the one they had at home. They could sleep here for the night.

– mod sasha

[kazmorosov]

|| bill skarsgard, cismale, he/him || ( kazaran morozov ) is a ( 25 ) year old ( senior ) at rockport university studying ( business + literature [TA] ). people say they are ( ardent ) but also ( stoic ), and remind others of ( coffee rings on crisp paper, losing their sense of reality, hushed arguments ). bet they sure didn’t expect anyone to know about ( his plagiarizing to succeed and honor his terminally ill mother he killed ) but someone does, and ( kaz ) better cooperate if they plan to keep their lives. || james, 20, EST ||

hi i’m so sorry this took a long ass time to put out but im herE lmao here’s my baby

tw; murder, addiction/substance abuse, abuse mentions,

gen. info:

full name: kazaran nikolai morozov

nickname(s): kaz

b.o.d.: december 14th

label(s): the escapist, the academic, the fallen, the philanthropist, etc.

height: 6′4″

hometown: bangor, maine

sexuality: str...aigh...t ? question mark ?

biography:

born to a self-made businessman and a philanthropist with a penchant for odd names

his father’s a russian who moved to the u.s. in his childhood who still has many...unique, ties, to the country though none of those are important

his business involves military equipment and he works closely with the u.s.’s military (ahsdfghk conspiracies ?)

and his mother was a plain jane (literally--her name was jane) from a family of politicians; his uncle’s a senator

kaz is the eldest out of seven children (christ) and yes all of their names are just as excessive as ‘kazaran’

grew up with the pressure of the ‘golden child’ title; kaz had to be perfect at everything he did, from his grades to after school activities to manners and presentment

was always expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and like ?? partner with him once he was old enough? 

which is fine and grand except kaz had never given a shit about his father’s business; his real passion had always been for the arts, particularly literature and even more particularly poetry

he found that the arts was probably the most...free, kaz could get, without actively rebelling against his father

b/c god . . . his father is a force to be reckon’d w/

very strict man, likes to be in control constantly, not the...best, emotionally towards his family. or verbally. sometimes physically. y’know.

this really only...amplified, kaz’s perfectionist attitude. it was mostly out of fear of repercussions than much else

kaz has, however, always loved his mother.

jane is the opposite of their father, a woman who loves the world and everybody in it with this...heart of gold, and best intentions in mind

the only problem was that she was horribly submissive to her husband

aNYWAys okay, kaz grew up fairly unscathed but only because he was so...conformist, y’know?

loves his siblings and would die for them, but god--he’d have to side with his father just for his own sake, which definitely strained his relationship with a few of ‘em

AnywAys again; was pretty well-known in his high school

for being like, intimidatingly tall but also was fairly popular? star of the track team, student gov president, in DECA or whatever.

went to rockport just because it wasn’t...too far from home, and partially because he wasn’t allowed to go out of state.

and he was fine w/ it, man

his mother got sick his freshmen year, however, it wasn’t...horrible, at first

it was concerning, yes, but the doctors said she was going to be fine

jane was pretty...adamant about not letting her condition effect her children, too, so she acted as if she was fine

kaz, being a dumbass, was like alright fine this is fine and went on w/ life

sophomore year he met his soulmate; a future veterinarian named freya

n i mean he just...fell for her immediately, y’know ?? n ig she felt similar enough b/c they started dating immediately

it was really...good, for him; especially as his mother’s heath had suddenly taken a turn for the worst

kaz wound up taking two years off of school to care for his mother; his father was gone more often than not, and he felt as if his younger siblings shouldn’t have been burdened with the task

and well...jane never got better, only worse

it was at the point where the doctors had sent her home, knowing that nothing else could be done--she was confined to her bed, and miserable. in pain, really.

one...day, as kaz was tending to jane, she broke down. i mean, just, a full on emotional breakdown, a complete episode, begging him to just...put her out of her misery.

and, god, kaz had never disobeyed his parents (minus his studies in literature but y’knw what. . . not important rn) but that was so ?? morally ?? conflicting ??

they cried together for a long time until y’know. deciding what to do.

as soon as she had fallen asleep, kaz put a pillow to her.

he was never...caught, tho that may have involved some bribery on his father’s end who knows

the day after the funeral, kaz proposed to freya and she agreed.

and it really should’ve been fine if kaz’s mental health didn’t rapidly deteriorate like...he was not handling it well

freya helped, yes, but she could only do so much

turned to drugs, particularly painkillers after a minor car crash and just...a mix of shit, y’know.

probably stole drugs from his fiance’s job tbh

got on antidepressants, which only worsened his shit b/c he started ?? occasionally hallucinating his dead mother ??

his creativity had also just. shat on itself. he couldn’t write, no matter how hard he tried

his mother had really wanted him to pursue his dreams, and god, he was too far in his degree to drop literature

so he started....plagiarizing, his works, b/c kaz is a whole ass idiot. but he hasn’t gotten caught yet, somehow

his fiance thought the cruise program would be a great way for kaz to possibly, recover, since she could see how bad he was doing so he weNt because of her

also yes at this point he had gone back to school; had even gotten a TA position because he used to be...one of the best in his class, y’know ?

anyways yeah im paraphrasing this all horribly but idc u get the point

drug addict, mercy-killed his mother, loves his fiancee, tortured soul, y’know all that

personality:

likes to pretend he’s much calmer than he actually is, y’know

likes the whole aloof and distant thing b/c it’s already so easy for him to be intimidating

he can b a lil snarky, a lil sarcastic, but he’s overall always been really well meaning?

can be extremely passionate about his hobbies, or his future wife, or really...anything he mildly likes, tho, y’know?

gOD is he always feeling so guilty, tho, it really weighs him down

but he’s also like...usually high, sometimes u can tell but more often than not u can’t ??

because he’s obsessed w/ seeming okay. and doing okay. and being that average dude next door, y’know?

he wants to be normal, to feel normal, but he’s got this wave of emotions crashing into his chest and he’s in sm pa i n constantly

like he’s got major anxiety but u won’t know unless u catch him in midst of a panic attack and like he’d rather die than somebody see that

probably journals as a way 2 like...cope, and keep himself calm

uuhh he’s like lowkey a huge softie. will cry at sad movies and won’t care tht he’s crying about it

takes teaching rly seriously but he’s also always concerned somebody’s going to figure out that he’s just. a fraud.

smart, with dumbass energy

like he just...sometimes doesn’t think ??

loves his fiancee a whole bunch but this distance thing is...sm harder than he thought it would be. she’s his anchor and he’s just ?? floating aimlessly now

but yeah he’s always acting like he’s okay, like he’s gucci.

uuuhhhh god i dont know what else to say tbh ?? he’s just. a mans. being a mans.

probably doesn’t sleep super often b/c not only is he a TA, but he’s got some mf nightmares man

wanted connections:

got a girl best friend but he needs a...dude best friend?

other friends in general, honestly

professors he’s got some sort of relationship with b/c he’s working for penelope rn

a flirty unrequited thing, where they keep tryn but kaz is like nO i am TAKEN look at this photo of my beAUTIFUL FIANCEE

ppl pissed at him for the grades he’s given them LMAO

people...concerned? for him?

bad mf influences who are like LET’S GET FUCKED UP

a dealer y’know. somebody on the ship who can give him what he wants which is a Lot

uuh let’s brainstorm together, bb

like srsly just. gimme a like, i’ll pop into ur dms w/ my messy tall son and be like let’s fuck him up !