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junvibing · 4 months ago

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Artfully Yours

pairing: art major renjun! x fem!reader; youtuber!renjun

warnings: lots of art and ramen, renjun is very much in love, college

summary: Renjun wants to get you something special for your birthday. He has two problems though: 1. there's not much time left, 2. he's a perfectionist. But hey, at least Chenle gave him the perfect idea. Now, he only has to finish in time and hope you'll love it.

wc: 12.5k

a/n: I've been working on this on and off for around a year lol. Anyways I really like it and I hope you do too! Leave me feedback haha this is my first long fanfic and honestly it's special to me :') <3

song recommendation: Like we just met - nct dream

credit for art inspo: matlagesilke3 on pinterest

The second Renjun got home, he prepared to spend the rest of the day working on a drawing. Since it's due for tomorrow's Drawing II class, he really needs to put his energy into finishing it today. His art projects are often accompanied with him staying up into the nights to perfect them. Sometimes while painting his thoughts drift away and he starts thinking about other things. This tendency surely adds to him staying up late but for today he hopes he’ll be able to finish before midnight. That’s why Renjun starts gathering his materials quickly before sitting down at his desk. His room is a little messy but college is stressful and an art major is no exception. Especially since he is somewhat of a perfectionist but he couldn’t imagine studying anything else other than art. For as long as Renjun can remember, he was always interested in it. The way colors dance on the paper, the way they blend into each other or how he can create anything he wants and get lost in the process - he just loves it. One of his favorite things is to try out different art mediums and see how they work, how comfortable he could get with them and if he’ll resort back to them in the future. Over the years, he discovered that he loves painting with oil paints and watercolors the most as they bring him great joy and the best results. Both mediums can be tricky at the beginning and it wasn’t much different for him when he started out but proper practice helped a lot. However, Renjun also enjoys drawing on his tablet, which is especially useful if he wants to post his work online.

In his opinion, art is meant to be shared and what better way is there to reach lots of people than sharing it online? That's why he had started to post his art on Twitter when he was still in middle school. Whenever someone retweeted his art, he felt so elated, it pushed him to continue sharing his work. In high school he even started exploring with posting videos on YouTube, all related to art of course. Jisung, his classmate and one of his best friends, had encouraged him to just go for it and soon enough his other friends had joined in. Thinking back to his very first YouTube video, Renjun lets out a chuckle. Dang, I was so nervous. Shaking his head, he continues sketching. The thing is he never used to show his face on Twitter, it was all about his art and creativity but with the encouraging words of Jisung and his other friends, he dared to show his face on YouTube, alongside his art of course. The first video Renjun ever posted was of him drawing Moomin fan art. Over the years, his channel actually gained quite a bit of attraction and while in high school, he would often daydream about making money with his artwork even though he knew his parents wouldn’t really support him in pursuing such a career. As far as Renjun knew, his parents wanted him to get a “real” career. But he spent most of his free time either with his friends or sketching, drawing and painting.

I still do that. Renjun sits at his desk, room dimly lit and pencil in his right hand. But y/n’s in the picture as well now. He grew up with art and it accompanied him throughout his ups and downs. He loves being creative, that’s why he had decided to go through with applying for a fine arts major when the time came around. However, his parent’s opinion and support was important to him. So at the time, he had a serious talk with them. Renjun knew they only had his best interest at heart. Naturally, they want him to be successful in life and it’s important to his parents that their only child has a good and comfortable life. They imagined for him to pursue a high paying, high status job like being a lawyer. His parents couldn’t picture how studying art would provide him with something like that. To them, pursuing an art career was too unstable, too risky. But Renjun managed to show them different ways in how he actually could be successful with it. He would do internships, could go into graphic design, could become an illustrator or go as far as to become an art instructor. There are different paths he would be able to take that would pay him well and hearing that eventually convinced his parents. Of course, Renjun had been overjoyed about that. He still is actually. All his life, art was one of the things that brought him the most happiness and his parents supported him in pursuing it as a career. What else could he wish for?

Turns out, there really was something else he could have wished for. He only knew it after you entered his life though. Renjun occasionally thinks back to how you two met. Out of nowhere, his mind sometimes drifts to the first time he saw you. Just like right now. The window in his room lets little light shine through, the sun is almost fully set at this point and the only other light source is the lamp on his desk, illuminating a bottle of milk and a few pieces of fruit. Renjun’s project for tomorrow is a still life, an art depiction of inanimate objects. It is pretty normal for him to drift off when he was monotonously sketching away, which is exactly what he is doing right now. His pen glides easily on the paper in front of him while he thinks back to his second semester. Renjun never really used to be a person who obsessed over relationships. His mind was filled with other things like ideas for art videos. In fact, he actually used to be the type who didn’t believe in love at first sight, which Jaemin thought was crazy by the way. But you kinda proved Renjun wrong.

He still remembers the day clearly. It was fall and Mark invited you to come hang out with the boys. The dreamies, as Haechan likes to call their friend group, were still great friends even if they didn’t see each other everyday like they did back in high school. Mark actually mentioned your name before, it wasn’t your first time hanging out with the boys either but the few times you were with them, Renjun couldn’t make it, so he only officially met you in his second semester. Crazy, almost two and a half years ago. He can still remember exactly how he reacted to seeing you for the first time. The second Renjun’s eyes landed on you, the things and people around him somehow were moving in slow motion. To say he was intrigued by you would’ve been an understatement. You looked so mesmerizing, smiling at whatever Jisung was saying while the evening sun hit your face in the most beautiful way. Renjun felt like he was looking at the prettiest painting he ever laid his eyes on. All the beautiful, intricate art he saw over the years didn't compare to you and he immediately wanted to introduce himself. From that day onwards you joined his dear collection of things he loves to draw the most.

It actually didn’t take long for Renjun to ask you out as there was no way he would be able to let you slip through his fingers. Over the years, your relationship has been going strong. Just like art you've become a constant in Renjun’s life that he wishes to never lose. With time, he even introduced you on his YouTube channel. It took a little convincing but after a while you were able to put your shyness away and join him in a vlog. Renjun smiles, thinking back to your first video together. Back then, he had decided to participate in the challenge of drawing under a blue light and you tagged along in his vlog at the beginning. It was fun for both of you and Renjun’s subscribers enjoyed seeing you guys together. The comments were flooded with how cute the two of you were and requests for you to join him more on his channel. But for today, Renjun's plans don’t include any art challenge. It’s time to finish this still life. He needs the day tomorrow for something else, something more important.

The next day, with a fresh mind and his still life finished, Renjun prepares for a different project. There is still a bit of time left before he needs to get to class, so he wants to use it to start before it's time to turn in his still life. Renjun has something special planned for you. Your birthday is just around the corner and he had been unsure on what to get you. Last year he got you a beautiful necklace with a butterfly charm. “To show you my appreciation” is what he had said when putting it on you. Renjun never wanted to stop feeling warm and fuzzy inside when he was with you. For this year’s gift, he was thinking about decor for your dorm room since you moved recently. Yet for some reason, whenever he was strolling through stores, keeping an eye out for a suitable gift, he felt like nothing fit perfectly. You don’t really need a new rug or pillows. Your room is already decorated with various plants. Just getting you a few scented candles like Mark suggested was too plain. Getting a mug was out of the question as it’s not special enough for you. Not to mention a mug technically isn’t decor. Although it could be. However, Renjun wanted to get you something special, something that shows he put thought into it and when speaking to Chenle about it the other day, he suggested the perfect idea: painting you a picture.

Naturally, Renjun drew small pictures for you over the course of your relationship and you cherished every single one of it but he never created a proper painting for you. Almost outrageous, how come he never did that for his girlfriend? Even Jeno did it at some point for his girlfriend. Or tried at least. Nevertheless, she loved it and Renjun still remembers your reaction actually. You and her go way back, having met during middle school. Naturally, you only ever wished the best for your best friend. So of course, seeing her that happy about Jeno’s gift, had put a smile on your face. You even laughed a little, seeing her show it off to the others. Thinking back, that should’ve been Renjun’s first clue to paint you something for your birthday. But at least he came around now, even if it is a little overdue. As soon as he had decided to paint you something to put on your wall, he had brainstormed for ideas. His still life project got in the way so he couldn’t start earlier but today is finally the day he can turn his draft for your gift into the beginnings of a painting. Last week, Renjun sat down and thought about what he wanted to paint for you and since the painting is supposed to fit your room well, he had decided to go with an enchanted forest. He feels like it would complement the various plants in your room nicely. A dark forest with colorful sparks throughout would be the perfect eye catcher for your plain white dorm wall. He had decided to draw two particular trees to accentuate the centerpiece of his painting: a magical path that’s curving to the right. Renjun feels very confident about the idea, so much so that he had decided to film a YouTube video around it: “Painting for my gf’s birthday”, where he documents the process of his painting and captures your reaction to the present.

That’s why he sits in his chair right now, camera on his desk and films himself. His subscribers will surely enjoy seeing this. “Hi painters, so my girlfriend’s bday is just around the corner and I’ve been struggling quite a bit with finding a gift. I can’t just get her an ordinary gift, you know me. So I was thinking and searching and man almost gave up but my friend literally saved the day.“ Renjun salutes to the camera. “谢了, 哥们.“ ”So anyway, I decided to go with his idea of painting for her, hence this video. I was brainstorming in advance and already did a vague sketch of my idea.“ Renjun holds his sketchbook into the camera so his viewers can see the enchanted forest. “You can see it’s supposed to be a forest. I wanna add different colored sparks to it and make the path here a blueish white to give it a fairy, enchanted type of feel.” Renjun traced the path with his finger and then mentioned two particular trees. “The big trees in the front that bend over and form a heart accentuate the magical path nicely. I also added a little pond. I really like it and I think y/n will like it as well.” Renjun adjusts the camera to show his canvas and him. For the next thirty minutes, he hunches over his desk, sketching his draft carefully onto the canvas. Since this is supposed to be the centerpiece of your wall, Renjun bought a big canvas last week. It is supposed to be an eye-catcher after all. As the time passes and he finishes sketching, he stands up to look at his work. “Okay that’s good enough.” Renjun looks into the camera. “I’ll stop for now cause I have class in about forty minutes. But I’ll see you later tonight when I continue. Y/n’s bday is literally in 9 days and you know how it goes with oil paints, long drying times. So I need it to be done one day before her bday, meaning there’s no time to slack off.” Renjun takes the camera into his hand and smiles before moving his hand in front of the lens. “Only the best for my babe.”

Hours later, Renjun is setting up his camera again. After his last class for today, art history, he got some lunch with the boys in the dining hall. Mark and Haechan had class though, so the group wasn’t complete. The boys catched up a little but Renjun didn’t want to spend too much time eating. There was still a project awaiting him at home after all. That’s why he only had a small chicken salad. Jaemin talked about how his professor has been kicking his butt with reading assignments for class and to be fair, Renjun could understand. There was just something unpleasant about having to read two 15 page papers about the causes and consequences of the French revolution. But Jaemin chose to major in history education. Although Renjun knows it’s not Jaemin's fault for having an unpleasant professor. Chenle, however, hadn’t been that interested in his friend’s distress. “Glad I don’t have to deal with that”, is what he had said. “Yeah, you need to deal with statistical models dude, gross” Jaemin really doesn’t like math. But, the boys were all able to agree that college workload is a lot, whether one studies education or economics. “Chill guys”, Jeno had taken a bite of his pizza slice, “Jun, how’s it going with y/n’s gift?” Well, Renjun still has lots to do, which is why he had used that opportunity to briefly explain his progress and bid his friends goodbye to go straight to his dorm.

“I’m back, people. I turned in a project and I had art history today which wasn’t so great. It has the touch of being boring sometimes but it’s okay, let‘s continue.” Renjun turns his camera to show the sketch he made earlier today. “This is what we’re working with. It’s time to bring some color into this. I don’t wanna waste much time, so let’s begin.” He pulls his easel out and places the canvas on it. The camera is pointing at him and the canvas again but this time he is standing in the middle of his room. After opening a window, he starts with mixing light gray and dark brown. Oil paints don’t have the nicest smell, so it’s good to have a window or two open while painting. This way, Renjun can maximize the time he is able to paint before getting a headache. “Since I don’t have much time for this painting, I’ll use a fast drying medium. Hopefully this way the painting will be dry on time for y/n’s bday.” Renjun starts with a medium sized brush to paint a thin layer of light gray on the middle of his canvas, where fog would later shine through the trees. The next step is to use brown to block in the general shape of the trees. The two bend trees forming a heart take up quite a bit of space on the left and right side of his canvas. Later on, he wants to spend time on the details to tie everything in. Renjun, like most artists, finds it better to start with the general shape of things and work himself up to the smaller, more detailed parts of a painting.

After almost two hours of painting, he takes a small break to get a snack. I should still have a pack of ramen left somewhere. Of course, only if his roommate Jay didn’t eat it. After locating the ramen and preparing it quickly, Renjun places his camera in front of him. “As you can see, I took a break guys. I’m sitting in the kitchen right now since I don’t want to expose myself to the smell of the paint unnecessarily. I only have a little bit of the background left. So, I think I should be able to finish in about twenty minutes or so.” Renjun turns his camera off to continue eating. Conveniently enough for him, you video call him while he's still eating. So, he wasn’t rushed to get out of his room to hide his painting from you. Renjun answers your call while positioning his phone against the fruit bowl on the table. “Hi babe, hold up.” After his phone is stable, he smiles at you. “How was your day?” Seeing Renjun after a long day makes you sigh and smile at him. You just wanted to see him and hear his voice for a while to feel better. “Exhausting, I had so much class today and work was a mess.” You pout. You work at a coffee shop downtown a few days a week to save up some money. Sadly, more often than not, you have to deal with difficult customers. “I’m sorry to hear that, love. Did you just get home?” You nod. It is way past nine in the evening and you were ready to go to sleep in a bit, ideally with Renjun cuddling you but that won’t happen today. “Jun, how come you’re eating at this hour?” You know he doesn’t usually eat this late as he doesn’t like to go to bed with a full stomach. Renjun quickly tries to come up with a plausible answer. He doesn’t want to tell you that he spent a good portion of the day painting your gift. “I had a bit of a light lunch today, went out with the boys but didn’t eat too much.” That technically wasn’t a lie either. During lunch he was eager to go back home to paint your gift but the boys insisted he ate at least something before spending hours on it. Renjun and you spend the next ten minutes talking, before he sents you a kiss through the camera and you hang up for the night.

After washing his bowl, he goes back to his room. He could feel a headache approaching but was determined to finish the background today. Soon enough, around thirty minutes later, Renjun picks up his camera again. “I’m finished with the background guys. This is how it looks so far.” He turns the camera to show the canvas in detail and zooms in a little. At this point, it looks like a simple foggy forest with tall, leafless trees. Renjun will worry about the details later, for now this is good enough. “Quite simple but that’s fine for today. Hopefully it’ll be dry by tomorrow so I can continue after classes. See you then.” Renjun quickly changes into his pajamas and brushes his teeth to go to bed but not before making sure to keep his window open.

Wednesday morning comes around and Renjun wakes up in his chilly room. He doesn’t mind it that much since he needs to get to class soon anyway. His Wednesdays are usually packed with classes. But thankfully, they are ones he mostly enjoys, Ceramics, Contemporary Art, Digital Media and lastly Painting II. After quickly eating breakfast and getting dressed, he was ready to start the day. Today, Renjun and you are actually planning to get lunch together. Wednesdays and Fridays were set dates where you would either hang out in between classes and snack on a few things or eat lunch together. Renjun loves doing small, simple things with you like snacking on sandwiches together. Since you’ve been busy lately with your part time job at the coffee shop, he hasn’t been able to spend lots of time with you. He made an effort to show up at your workplace every other day or so but seeing you for fifteen minutes just wasn’t enough, which is why he looked forward to today. As soon as his fourth class finishes, he makes a beeline to the door.

You were supposed to meet next to the library and just as agreed he sees you standing there, smiling down at your phone. You’re wearing one of his hoodies and jeans, quite simple but you still manage to look great. As if you had a feeling he was coming your way, you look up. Renjun kisses your cheek, “Hi love, missed you.” He holds out his hand for you. Putting your hand in his, you start walking towards a convenience store nearby campus. “Junnie, how was class? Did you manage to finish your charcoal drawing from last week?” A few weeks ago in Painting II, Renjun's professor introduced the topic of shading with paint. His professor gave a deadline of one week to turn in a small charcoal drawing and today they had the first hour of class to finish it. The assignment was only intented to be a supplementary technique though. It would help to understand contrast and value as a basis for shading with paint. Charcoal isn’t a medium Renjun uses often, so he chose a somewhat simple object to draw, a vase full of your favorite flowers, tulips. “Yeah, I managed to finish it within the last ten minutes. The shading was a little tricky though. I’m not too satisfied with it but you know my perfectionist self.” Renjun smiles sheepishly. You know he takes his art seriously and has a tendency to focus a little too much on the details. Sometimes he would ask you to have a look at this work since your input helped him and over time he learned that looking at his art with a fresh set of eyes always worked. Nevertheless, in your opinion, he always manages to create something that was beautifully executed.

On the way to the supermarket you tell him about your day, how boring class was and how your professor gave you tons of reading material for the next class. Renjun knows you have a thing for reading, hence your English literature major but he never understood how you were able to survive reading so much for your degree. He enjoys reading from time to time but having to read pages upon pages of who knows how old literature and analyzing it all in class never had much appeal to him. Nevertheless, he listens attentively to you and after you both get some snacks that Renjun kindly carries, you walk back to campus to your favorite spot near the economics department. Just a few minutes away from the main building were a few benches looking out at the gardening club’s flower field. You and Renjun love to sit on one of them and enjoy the beauty of different flowers together. Thankfully, one of the benches isn’t occupied so you both can sit down and enjoy your break together. Every year, the gardening club arranges their flowers in different themes. A few months ago in summer the theme was “beach sun set”. For this, their flower field basically consisted of flowers in three colors: blue, orange and yellow. Since the season has already changed, a new theme is in place at the moment. This winter, the gardening club focussed on winter themed food by using white and red roses arranged in a way that looked like a candy cane and so on. Renjun likes the idea of different themes, it was nice to see the club have fun with being creative. In a way they're creating their own art.

An hour later, Renjun walks you to your next class and squeezes your hand lovingly before making his way home. He is happy that he got to spend some quality time with you, even if it wasn’t very long. While walking back, he is mentally preparing a list of what he needs to paint next for your gift. Since the background was finished and hopefully dry, the next step would be to go into more detail by giving the trees more depth, properly outlining their roots and branches. Renjun also wants to add more color accents to the trees by painting green and slightly bluish leaves. He wants to mimic moon light shining through the forest. It would cast onto the leaves of the trees and give them a light blue tint. As soon as Renjun arrives home, he continues filming his painting process. “Hi painters, I’m back for the next round. Right now it's Wednesday afternoon, meaning I have exactly 6 days left for this painting to finish, so it can still dry in time. Let's go!” The next hours of Renjun’s day consisted of his open window, the smell of oil paints and color on his fingers. At one point, he did actually take a small break to eat, even his roommate Jay made an appearance. Renjun gets along just fine with him but both prefer to stay in their respective rooms, meaning they don't see each other often. He literally is just his roommate, still a cool guy though. One time Jay even asked him for some art advice. Renjun didn't really imagine him to be the type of guy to be interested in art, but turns out he wanted to try out something new. Of course, Renjun was happy to help and advise. Maybe this time for his painting he would ask Jay for his opinion.

Thursday flew by him it seemed. Renjun got in and out of class, worked on another assignment and met up with the dreamies. He didn’t continue to paint on the canvas because it was still too wet. Time is worrying him a little bit since the paint takes longer to dry than he likes and he still needs to do quite a bit. But he'll push through. Renjun is determined to finish your gift one day before your birthday and there's no way he'll give you an unfinished painting.

The next day, your Friday lunch break falls short because of an essay you have to finish. However, this gives Renjun more time to perfect his painting for you, which he feels like he really needs. He spent so much time working on it, yet he still isn’t satisfied with the outcome. In fact, he feels like the painting was nowhere near being finished in time. There is something about the way he placed the sparks that he doesn't like. The thing is, he can’t really pinpoint why exactly he doesn't like it. They just aren't really “flying” in the air well enough. Some are too close together, others too far apart. In a way it doesn't look natural enough, but that in itself doesn't make any sense, cause no normal forest has such sparks flying through it. Renjun was expecting them to deepen the magical feeling of the forest, but for some reason he couldn’t portray that feeling onto the canvas in a satisfactory way. Regardless, a few spots shouldn't be enough to give him the feeling of not liking the placement of the sparks overall, right?

To be frank, he is very frustrated. So, at one point he decides to vent to his camera. “I know I’m too nitpicky. But I just want it to look perfect for y/n. I also know she will like my painting regardless. Heck, she probably wouldn’t mind if I doodled her something as a present. But I want it to be deserving of being in her room. I want her to love my painting and me to like it as well.” Renjun wipes a hand down his face. “Maybe I’ve been on this for too long. It’s already past 7 pm and I’ve been working on this painting since I ate lunch. Or maybe time is just stressing me. There are only a few days left and I still need to work on the details.” Renjun decides he needs a break, a fresh breath of air. Maybe the oil paint smell is messing too much with his ability to create. Whatever the case is, he decides to go by your workplace and see you. Your smile would definitely help him feel better.

As soon as you see Renjun walking through the door of the coffee shop, you have a smile on your face. Your work day is slowly coming to an end and even though most customers today weren’t that difficult to handle, working a long shift naturally tires your body out, which is why it's a pleasant surprise to see your boyfriend. “Junnie, what are you doing here?” Seeing you standing behind the counter smiling at him, gives Renjun a warm and comfy feeling. It was like all of his worries evaporated into thin air as soon as your beautiful face smiled up at him. “Hi love, came to see you. I needed a fresh breath of air.” You walk around the counter to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, the rag still in your left hand. As expected, his insides are feeling fuzzy again.

You’ve always had that effect on him. Renjun didn’t really mind holding your hand in public or you leaning on him, but kisses, even if only on the cheek, are something intimate to him, so he only really initiates them in public if he really misses you. Otherwise they are kept for when you two are in private. “Trouble with painting again?” Renjun smiles sheepishly. Of course, you would figure him out. But he doesn’t mind and fortunately, you don’t know what exactly he was painting. “Yeah, I think I’ve been on it for a bit too long. You and a nice cup of tea will surely help.” Renjun isn’t a big fan of coffee, he preferred drinking tea over coffee any day. Whenever he comes around the coffee shop you work at, he either orders tea or just some pastry to snack on, sometimes both if he feels like looking at you a little longer. Often Renjun thinks about how pretty you look and about how he could watch you for hours. He realizes that thought might be creepy but you didn’t mind when he told you about it one day. It’s him after all, not some stranger.

You quickly wipe down the table before going behind the counter again to prepare his drink. Today, Renjun chose to drink lemon tea. Being the nice girlfriend that you are, you gave him a small cookie on the side as well. Sadly, he can’t spend much time talking to you as new customers come in. That‘s why he sits down at a table and enjoys his tea and the cookie. How nice it would be if we could just sit on my bed and talk. Or rather on her bed, can’t have her seeing the painting. Occasionally, he looks over to see you wiping down tables and you wink at him. He was right, a tea and you definitely help to calm his mind. Renjun spends about twenty minutes in the coffee shop before he gets up and gives you a sweet goodbye. It is time to return to the dorm and continue his painting.

For now, he plans to continue with a few details of trees. Maybe having a fresh look at the sparks tomorrow is a better idea. Not counting today, 5 days were left till your birthday, which meant he effectively has 2 to 3 days left to paint since oil paint, even with a quick drying medium, still needs comparatively long to dry. After working for about half an hour on the details of the trees in the back, Renjun feels a little better about his painting. He takes this as an incentive to end the day with a positive feeling and grabs his camera again. “Okay guys, I’m calling it quits for today. It’s about 8 pm already. I think it’s better to tackle the sparks tomorrow. ” Renjun quickly shows the current state of his painting before he turns off the camera.

The next day is a Saturday, meaning Renjun has all day to paint and he wakes up with a good feeling. He quickly eats breakfast and immediately wants to get to painting, so he sets up his camera to further film his painting process. It’s time to focus on the sparks. The ones he already painted were in different colors, namely pink, yellow, blue and red. But looking at his canvas with a fresh set of eyes, he realizes they were not bright enough for his liking. They aren’t really sparkling. Maybe the feeling he got last evening of them not “flying” in the forest nicely was caused by that. He needs to paint in such a way that they look like they were actually sparkling. Renjun has the revelation that he needs to add highlights to the sparks. Adding highlights to them would ensure that the sparks stand out more against the forest, making them more interesting and giving the painting a more refined look. He likes that approach. Maybe he can even place the highlights in such a way that it would have the effect of letting single sparks look more apart from others. This way his problem of the placement of some sparks would be solved, at least to some extent.

For the next hour Renjun works on adding enough highlights and blending around the sparks. He also adds a few more sparks to the forest. Taking a few steps back from his canvas, he regards the result. This time, Renjun definitely likes it a lot more. The sparks look nice against the dark forest and shine in different colors. It felt realistic and he was happy with the outcome so far. He grabs his camera, “Finally guys, I managed to paint the sparks in a way I’m satisfied with. I had the realization this morning that I needed to add highlights to them and I'm happy to report that it was a good idea.” Renjun shows his viewers the current state of his painting. “I’m thinking of continuing with the details of the two bent trees in the front. I only have a few days left to paint and I still need to work on the details of the pond.” Renjun puts his camera back on his desk again, before facing the canvas. These two trees still need leaves and defined roots. He wants to make them look like they are quite old.

Basically, Renjun spent the rest of his day painting, except for the occasional toilet and food break. After hours in front of his canvas, his head hurts. His bedroom is cold because of the opened window, yet he still feels the effects of the oil paint. Whatever. I need to continue at least a little bit more. At this point, the two trees forming a heart are finished. Renjun added a few bushes to the forest as well and moss around the pond. Since he had decided to make the path leading to the pond a blueish white, he worked on that as well. This way, it seems like the moon lights it up. Of course, he also needs to add highlights to the crown of the trees. He thinks about whether to make them a different color, but ultimately decides to go with the same blueish white since it ties in better with his concept of the moon shining down on the forest. Renjun wants to finish that part today, before calling it quits for tonight. It should take him under half an hour to finish this detail and then he can enjoy a bowl of ramen before going to bed.

The following day, Renjun can’t really continue working on his painting since it needs to dry, so he mainly spends the day working on his art history essay that is due for Tuesday’s class. He already had planned it ahead, which is why he had mainly focused on his painting for you yesterday. Since it needed to dry for him to continue, Renjun can use today for his assignment. He needs to write an essay about the way leadership and power gets depicted in art. For that he had to choose a picture to analyze and write about. Renjun knows he is pushing it a bit late but since he doesn’t plan to work on anything else today, he figures it’s fine. He’s sure that he can finish the assignment today and if not, he still has a bit of tomorrow left. It is only supposed to be four pages long anyway. How hard can that be, right? Well turns out a little harder than he had thought. Renjun spends around three hours in front of his laptop before he decides to take a break. I really should eat something. After all this writing his brain needs energy and a break. Standing up from his desk, he turns around and his gaze falls on the canvas in his room. Renjun inspects it carefully from a distance and actually likes the result. Of course, it still isn’t finished. He definitely needs to add a few more details. The bend trees need to look more interesting and realistic. A few more details on the trees in the back would be good. Maybe I also should add a few more sparks-– his finger twitches. There is nothing more that Renjun wants in this moment than to grab his brush and continue painting, perfecting your present. But right now is not the time. He shakes his head lightly. Still needs to dry.

Trying to get his thoughts away from the painting, Renjun decides on what show to watch while he eats something. Surprisingly, he has been enjoying a Chinese drama you recommended lately, but maybe watching the next 40-minutes episode isn’t such a great idea with an unfinished essay sitting on his desk. So he decides to just watch a YouTube video. Twenty minutes later, Renjun sits at his desk again and continues with his essay. That’s basically how he spends his whole afternoon. Around 6 pm he is actually almost finished with the essay. That’s why he decides to get up and go into the kitchen to make some ramen. He knows that he ate a little too much ramen throughout the week but they are really just so convenient when he doesn't have much time to cook.

However, on the way to the kitchen, his doorbell suddenly rings. Renjun isn’t expecting anyone, his roommate might have but Jay doesn’t come out of his room to open the door. So when the bell rings a second time, Renjun opens the door. To his surprise, it’s you. You stand there, smiling at him, dressed in an oversized jacket and plaid pajama pants, a small handbag on top of your right shoulder and a plastic bag in your left hand. As usual, you look cute and cozy but Renjun can’t really concentrate on that. He only stares at you. Why is she here? Did I miss something? And then it hits him. He curses in his head, you’re here for the movie night you both agreed on last week. Seems like amidst all the painting and college he forgot about it. Good going Renjun. You tilt your head a little to the side, “Baby, are you going to let me in?” Renjun’s mind immediately goes to your gift. Damn it, the painting’s still in my room! He can’t possibly let you see it. In panic, Renjun turns his head back, looking into the flat. He needs to come up with some kind of excuse right now, on the spot, “Love, babe, give me like 2 minutes okay, my room’s kinda messy”, he looks at you, his hand already resting on the door to close it. “Jun, you know I don’t care about that”, you step forward, laughing a little but he holds his ground. “No really, just give me like 5 minutes”, Renjun doesn’t give you any time to properly react and closes the door.

Quickly jogging into his room, he looks around. He only needs to hide the canvas, his paints and brushes aren’t a problem. But where should he hide it? Behind the closet? No way, too risky. The kitchen, no it’s right next to the front door. And then it hits him. Jay! Carefully grabbing the canvas, Renjun quickly goes across the hall and knocks on his roommate’s door. “Listen dude, my girl’s just outside the door but I can’t have her see this painting. Can I please hide it in your room for a few hours?” Fortunately, Renjun and Jay get along well. “Oh yeah sure” Jay points to the corner next to his dresser, “you can put it there dude” Renjun quickly puts the painting down and thanks Jay like three times before he goes to get you. “Okay love, you can come in.” “Thank you for being so gracious, your highness” You jokingly bow down before entering, Renjun shakes his head, closes the door and grabs your hand. You do sometimes have this amusingly bizarre streak. “How come you suddenly felt the need to tidy up your room for me? Hiding something?”, you tease him. Renjun almost scratches his head. Surely, if he would’ve done that you would be more suspicious of him. “It’s just messy babe. I want you to be comfortable.” Humming, you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. It sure seems like he didn’t expect you to come over today though. “Did you forget our movie night, Junnie?” Renjun smiles apologetically and nods, “Sorry love, promise, next time I won’t forget.” He squeezes your hand. Renjun normally isn’t the person to forget your dates. Spending time with you is one of his favorite things to do but even he can sometimes forget. You don’t mind, he’s also just human. Besides, you know Renjun had a couple of deadlines lately.

Entering his room, the familiar sight of art materials, a few soda cans and an easel greets you. Renjun keeps his room mostly tidy except for whenever exam season hits and he has to deal with many art projects at the same time. Renjun’s habit of spending too much on details leads him to making full use of the deadlines, which in return stresses him out so much that he doesn’t bother a lot with cleaning. To you that’s fine, you aren’t much different in that aspect. Besides, why add more stress to exams by worrying about whether your room is clean or not. You make your way to his bed and put your handbag down, your gaze finding the empty easel in the middle of his room. That usually means he's working on something. “Jun, what have you been working on?” Renjun’s gaze quickly follows yours. Dang, should've put that away! Okay, just say something. Quick! “Ahh love, you know I have a few projects due soon. I’ve been spending a lot of time painting.” Renjun sits down next to you, nodding as if he was trying to reassure himself that he wasn’t caught by you. But technically he didn’t lie. Quickly trying to change the subject, he grabs your plastic bag. Before coming over to Renjun’s place, you quickly got a few snacks at a convenience store. “No movie without snacks right? Oh and I got you some ramen as well, Jun.” He looks inside the plastic bag, it contains chips in two different flavors, some gummy bears, his favorite ramen and pretzel snacks. “Thank you love, I should still have some soda in the fridge for us.” Renjun stands up and takes a step in the direction of the door but halts as you grab his wrist. “Jun, can we prepare the ramen now? I’m actually quite hungry, I haven't had dinner yet.” You’re hoping he agrees as the last thing you ate today was just a piece of toast a couple of hours ago. After your eight hour shift at work today you worked a little on an assignment before buying the snacks for tonight. Renjun immediately agrees, laughing a little. “Sure, I’ve literally wanted to make myself some ramen before you rang the bell.”

After cooking the ramen and grabbing two soda cans, you’re sitting on Renjun’s bed while turns off the lights before he grabs his laptop. Since he knows how much you like to have a few scented candles lit up while watching a movie, Renjun also does that before sitting cross-legged next to you and putting his blanket over you both. Turning on the third Harry Potter movie, you cuddle up to him and enjoy the evening together. Three weeks ago, Renjun and you had decided to rewatch all HP movies and so far you both enjoyed it very much. It’s been years since the last time you watched them, so you figured doing it together would be fun. That’s why you’ve met up with Renjun once a week for movie night, snacking away your worries and college stress for at least the few hours that you spend together with him. Sitting together under the blanket and just spending time together with him is one of your favorite things to do. It doesn't matter if you watch a movie or drink tea together, you just enjoy spending time in Renjun’s arms. How can you not? Renjun is just so good to cuddle. That’s why you always end up putting your head on his shoulder, hugging him and it’s no different today. Your head is resting on his shoulder and his arm around you.

From time to time Renjun gives your body a little squeeze and feeds you snacks. He also sneaks a few glances at you. Seeing you so comfortable around him, makes his insides feel warm. So cute. He might love you a little more every time he sees you like this. You aren’t wearing any makeup and aren’t dressed up, yet you manage to make him attracted to you nonetheless. There is just something so attractive about you being your true self around him, not caring about how you look in your pajamas or how much you snack. Suddenly, Renjun feels the urge to kiss you. If only you weren’t so focused on the movie, “My love”. You hum as an answer, eyes still glued on the laptop screen. “Look at me please.” You lift your head off his shoulder and Renjun just looks at you lovingly. While you slowly sit up, he can only think about how you really are the most beautiful woman he set his eyes on. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, he slowly leans in. Renjun believes there is nothing better in the world than moments like these. Moments where everything fades into the background and only you two seem to exist. Moments where he can be very close to you and his lips can meet yours in a loving and intimate way. Your lips are soft and smooth in such a way it feels like kissing the clouds. Your hand naturally finds its way into Renjun’s hair. His right hand cups your cheek while his lips move slowly against yours. His other hand rests on your waist and after a loving moment, Renjun tilts his head a little more to the side, deepening the kiss. His lips still taste a little of the ramen you two had earlier but you don’t mind. Kissing him is always great. In a sense, kissing him is like drinking a cup of hot cocoa on cold winter days. Renjun’s kisses give you comfort, warmth and a sense of belonging like you’ve never felt before. Even in very passionate moments, where kissing him stole your breath away, Renjun is caring and gentle. Just like now as he holds you a little closer, loving you a little more. His hand, previously on your cheek, moves down, stroking your waist. Slowly he pulls away, hands still on your waist. “I love you.” Truly, you’re one of the people that make him the happiest. Smiling, you lean into him to place your lips on his one more time, portraying your love for him. “I love you too.” Putting your head on his shoulder again, you notice the movie is still playing. Both of you return to watching and enjoying it further.

Around halfway through the movie, the cozy atmosphere and dim lit room actually make you sleepy. You did have a long day today and after a while, Renjun notices your lack of comments and snacking. Turning his head to look at you, he sees you fast asleep on his shoulder. Not wanting you to be cold, he places the blanket further up your body and tightens his arm around you. Renjun is unsure about waking you. Since you don’t need to work tomorrow morning, you could sleep over today. It’s been quite a while anyway since the last time you slept over at his place. To be honest, he kind of misses falling asleep with you next to him. However, if you are to sleep over, the painting will need to stay in Jay’s room for the night. I guess I could ask him. He probably wouldn’t mind. Renjun decides he would ask. So he slowly begins to move your head from his shoulder, hoping you won't wake up. He really tries to be careful but apparently isn’t careful enough since you slowly start to wake up while he tries to lay your head down onto a pillow. Slowly sitting up, you quietly mumble his name. Your hooded eyes find the laptop screen still playing the movie. “I’m sorry love, didn’t wanna wake you” “It’s okay. When did I fall asleep?” Renjun smiles, “I’m not sure, some time ago.” “Oh” “Yeah, oh” He laughs a little. “Do you wanna sleep over, love?” You nod, you can just leave in the morning since you don’t need to work until the afternoon shift begins. Renjun and you decide to just wash up and relax in his bed. He doesn’t need to finish the movie and you’re so tired, you probably would’ve fallen asleep again anyways. Closing his laptop, you make your way to the bathroom he shares with his roommate. Renjun always has a toothbrush prepared for you even if you didn’t sleep over most nights. It’s pretty cute and someway along you also started to pick up that habit of his for whenever he would sleep over at your dorm. That didn’t happen so often though since you share your dorm room with another girl. It’s definitely more comfortable to sleep at his place since he has a room to himself.

While you’re in the bathroom, Renjun quickly makes his way to Jay’s room and knocks quietly. In hindsight, he could’ve also just sent him a text but whatever, Jay already opened the door. “Hey man, y/n’s gonna sleep over. Is it okay if the painting stays with you tonight?” Jay doesn’t have a problem with it. It’s just in a corner anyway, so the painting doesn’t really bother him. Having solved that problem, Renjun makes his way back into his room and starts to put the snacks away before getting you a shirt and sweatpants to wear for the night. Just in case she wants to get out of her pajama pants. Shortly after, you enter. “Here love, you can get changed if you want while I brush my teeth”, Renjun points to the clothes on the bed that he neatly laid out for you. You’ve always liked sleeping in his clothes, somehow it’s another kind of comfy. Maybe it’s because they always smell like him and how is a girl able to resist that? “Thank you Jun”, you quickly kiss his cheek before he leaves the room. Looking around you notice that Renjun already blew out the candles and sorted out his bed. After quickly changing your clothes, you grab a corner of his blanket and slip under it.

Not even three minutes pass before he opens the door to his room. A soft smile makes its way onto Renjun’s lips as he sees you already comfy and ready in bed, waiting for him. Seems like the tiredness is slowly creeping up on you again. My poor baby. It's not even 9:30 and she’s ready to call it a day. Renjun quickly turns off his light and gets in bed next to you. You turn around to face him and his arm automatically wraps itself around your waist, pulling you a little closer. You place your hand on his chest while your head rests on his arm. Renjun slowly strokes your hair, soft eyes looking at you in the dark. After a few minutes, you snuggle a little closer to him. Cuddling him like this makes you even more sleepy. You nuzzle your face into his chest, giving him the perfect opportunity to lay a sweet kiss on top of your head. Renjun rests his cheek against the top of your head. Little words are exchanged as you welcome the comfortable and sleepy atmosphere. Except for your breathing, your heartbeats and the occasional sound of the blanket shuffling, the room is silent. You love moments like these. You love when Renjun cuddles with you, when you can feel his arms holding your body closely and his soft breath against your hair. You’ve always had a soft spot for his hugs anyway and being so close to him that you can listen to his heartbeat while feeling the warmth radiating from his body gives another level of bliss. You actually want to stay awake a little longer, want to consciously feel his body for some time more but it’s getting progressively harder for you to stay awake and Renjun sees how you struggle to. He murmurs against your hair, “Close your eyes, love. I know you had a long day” You feel another kiss on your hair and mumble an “I love you” to him before closing your eyes and letting sleep take over you. You barely manage to hear him say it back before you fully fall asleep.

Opening your eyes the next morning, Renjun’s sleeping face greets you. His hair is kind of messy and his shirt got pulled down a bit, exposing part of his collarbones. Renjun’s arm rests on top of your hip and your feet are touching. Watching him for a few minutes, you get lost in your thoughts. There’s just something different about him in this relaxed state. It's like all the world’s stress and pressure can't get to him, like he can truly be undisturbed and there’s nothing in the world less than peace and happiness that you wish for Renjun. You know he has tendencies that make his life, especially his college life, a little more difficult than it needs to be. But honestly who knew an art major could be so demanding? You used to have this picture in your head of an art major being easy. After all, the students only need to paint stuff, right? Yeah, not exactly. Because of Renjun, you were able to glance beyond surface level and it turns out, studying art is harder than it seems. Renjun has written exams, almost weekly mini art projects for his classes, he needs to hold presentations and when exam season comes around his room is piled up with different art materials for his creative projects. It truly seems like you have to love art to study it or else you will drown. Renjun gives his all for college and you love that for him but him being a perfectionist adds another layer of difficulty to his degree. Sometimes he really needs to relax. That’s why you like seeing him resting so much. He can shut the world out and doesn’t fry his brain with details of his unfinished projects. You get to see him recovering from all the work he puts into his passion.

You regard Renjun‘s sleeping state for a little while longer. The sun falls beautifully on him, partly on his face and hair. It highlights his slightly puffy face that he tends to get in the mornings. Your hand unconsciously reaches out and begins to stroke his hair slowly. Feeling your hand caressing his hair, Renjun stirs a little and sighs. It’s a very cute sight. Slowly opening his eyes after a few minutes, he smiles at you. Tightening his arm around your waist, you exchange a small kiss. Spending the morning with Renjun is usually a calm and loving experience. He likes to take his time in the mornings whenever he can, especially when he’s still a little sleepy. So you both spend a while wrapped in each other's arms with quiet murmurs to not disturb the morning quietness, taking in the warmth of one another before slowly getting out of bed to get ready. After eating breakfast together you need to leave to go home. Since you didn’t plan on spending the night, you plan on making a stop at your dorm, changing into a different outfit and maybe reading a little before going to work today.

As soon as you left, Renjun got his painting from Jay’s room. Today is the last day he can work on it since the painting needs to be dry for your birthday. After spending the last evening with you, Renjun feels quite good this morning. He feels like he can finish the painting in time and that he’ll like the outcome. The painting still needs details to the pond. It hopefully won’t take more than two hours. After that, Renjun still needs to add finishing touches to your gift. He starts with the pond by adding light blue highlights and a few branches that touch the water before letting the paint rest a little. In the meantime, he moves on to the finishing touches of other parts of the painting. Renjun had planned on spending the majority of today to finish your gift. Unfortunately, he can’t varnish it yet because it needs a few months to properly dry before he can put the varnish on top to fully seal it. However, for your birthday it will be enough for the painting to be dry to touch. After adding a little more detail to the trees in the background and defining a few of them a bit more, Renjun continues with the two main trees forming the heart. He decides to add some moss to the tree barks.

However, after regarding the thin layer of moss he painted, he isn’t really satisfied. It seems a bit too flat for his liking, so he decides to try a different approach and goes to the kitchen to get some coffee. Maybe adding a few sprinkles of ground coffee into the paint will create a more natural finish. After trying it out on a paper and liking it, he uses his mixture of paint and coffee for the moss on the canvas. Looks pretty good. Being satisfied with the moss, Renjun takes a few steps away from his canvas to have a look at the pond. It doesn’t necessarily look bad but there’s still something he doesn’t like. He feels like it's kind of looking boring, which probably is because of a lack of details. That’s why for the next hour or so he spends his time perfecting the pond. In a spur of inspiration, Renjun also decides to add shadows of little fish inside the water.

Just in time for a small food break, Renjun finishes with the painting for now. He decides to come back to it after eating a bowl of ramen to regard it one last time before deciding if it’s really finished or not. Twenty minutes later, after he finished eating, Renjun stands in his room with crossed arms in front of the canvas. The window is open again, still his room very much smells like oil paints. His shirt and hands have paint on them, he truly looks like an artist in this moment. To him, there’s something strangely satisfying whenever he gets lost in painting so much that his hands and clothes show the proof. Renjun is satisfied with the outcome. It looks great. Exactly how I envisioned it. Finally. The forest looks enchanted, mysterious and doesn't have too much or too little detail. It looks like a forest one could stumble upon in a fantasy world and that’s what he was going for. She will surely like it. Smiling, Renjun starts to collect his art materials to clean them.

But suddenly, he gets a thought. I totally forgot to film! He quickly gets his camera and presses record. “Hi painters, it’s the last day of painting. Tomorrow is just for drying and then it’s y/n’s birthday. I actually already finished the painting but forgot to film it. Sorry about that. It's around 5 pm right now. Last night, y/n stayed over so I couldn’t wake up extra early to finish it. But it’s okay, I finished anyway. Have a look at the result.” Renjun turns his camera to show the canvas. “This is the finished product. I added details to the pond and some finishing touches today and I made some spontaneous decisions that turned out really well actually. ” He zooms in on the moss. “For the moss I added ground coffee into my paint. It gives it a more realistic finish, maybe give it a try some time.” Renjun laughs a little, “I think I might use this hack more often.” He turns the camera to show himself again, “I’m super satisfied with the result and actually very happy that I got finished in time. Although I wouldn’t recommend that you guys start a project this size in such a short time frame. Honestly, it was quite stressful. But I’m glad I was able to pull it off and I know for a fact that y/n’s gonna like it. Thank you guys so much for watching!” Turning his camera off, Renjun let out a happy sigh.

He didn’t immediately start editing the video though. It’s really time to take a break. Renjun just finished a big project and wants to celebrate. That’s why he quickly cleans up his room and video calls the dreamies’ group chat. Haechan is the first one to pick up “Look who came back from the dead.” Renjun laughs dryly and right after Mark joins the video chat, “Yo whats up?” Soon enough all the dreamies join and Renjun tells them about how he’s finally finished with the painting. Of course they want to see it, which is why Renjun switches to his phone’s back camera. “Dude, that looks so cool!” “I think she’s definitely gonna like it” “How come you never paint me a pic like that?” “Are you my girlfriend?”, Renjun deadpans. Haechan sulks a bit, “No.” “See. Now anyways, do you guys wanna hang out tonight?” It’s been a while since all of them hung out together anyway. “Yeah, we could try out that new Mexican restaurant near my place.” Renjun likes Jeno’s idea and everyone agrees, except for Jisung. “Guys, I have to finish an assignment by Wednesday. Can I join a bit later?” Mark reassures Jisung that his assignment was more important. “For sure dude, work on your assignment. We’ll save you a spot.” An hour later, the dreamies are sitting in the restaurant, going over the menu. Renjun thinks it’s nice to spend time together again, catching up and joking around.

After Jisung joins, the whole group is complete and they spend the evening eating delicious food and talking. Renjun knows that he shouldn’t spend too much money there but stressful days of assignments and the painting is coming to an end and he wants to enjoy himself. That’s why he goes for dessert even when he was kinda full already. It’s okay, I deserve it. Soon, the relaxing evening comes to an end and the boys part ways. The day after tomorrow they’ll meet up at Jeno’s place to celebrate your birthday. You know it's a bit strange to celebrate your birthday at Jeno's place and you were a little hesitant at first. Of course you and Jeno are friends because of Junnie and your bestie, but not that close. Originally, you had planned to just hang out somewhere in the park but the weather has been kind of on the colder side lately. But, Jeno assured you that it’s fine. He's living alone, meaning he has enough space to host your small birthday get-together. Having some people over is nice anyway and he knows most of the people you invited. Besides the dreamies and your best friend, only two other friends of yours were expected to come. So it’s really fine for Jeno. Not to mention, his girlfriend, your bestie, would probably be somewhat upset if he said no to you. You were the person to introduce them after all.

The next day Renjun slept in. His to do list doesn’t include much for today, mainly getting some nice wrapping for your gift. He also plans on visiting you at work again. It’s going to be a pretty simple day but he likes that his day doesn’t include any stress. Tomorrow, the day of your birthday, he’ll buy you some flowers and your favorite chocolate before meeting up with Mark. He was so nice to offer Renjun to put the painting in his car and drive to Jeno’s place together. This way he won’t need to take the painting on the subway. Renjun is pretty excited for you to see his gift. Of course he knows that you would like it but he still looks forward to your reaction. Since Jeno’s place allows for more room, Renjun plans to show up a bit earlier to decorate the place tomorrow. He excluded you from decorating on purpose and had said he was gonna handle it and so you let him. That boy can be stubborn. Renjun wants to keep his painting out of your sight for as long as he can.

So when he and Mark arrive at Jeno’s place with your gift on the day of your birthday, Renjun puts it in Jeno’s bedroom. He knows you aren't gonna go in there, so it’s a safe spot to hide it. After making sure the painting isn’t gonna slip while he’s away, Renjun starts to prepare snack bowls and places your cake into the fridge, before helping Jeno and Mark with some balloons and a happy birthday sign. There wasn't much to prepare since you just want to spend your birthday relaxing with your friends. So soon enough, the three of them finish and around 6 pm everyone you invited is gathered on the floor around Jeno’s couch table, playing some board games and catching up. Throughout the day, Renjun films a few moments of your get-together. He wants to include your birthday party but especially your reaction to his present in his video. As the evening passes you turn to karaoke, singing songs from ABBA to Little Mix. At one point Renjun even starts to serenade you. He puts on quite a performance, singing Hot by Avril Lavigne and you totally enjoy it. It’s pretty funny actually, he’s pointing in your direction and dancing around. It’s nice seeing him so carefree. You’re kinda tempted to join and serenade him but he won't let you outperform him anyway. Besides, Renjun really has a lot of energy to spend. It’s already 8 pm, gifts still haven't been exchanged and he’s excited but also somewhat nervous for your reaction. He hopes you’ll love the painting as much as he does. However, there’s a part of him that fears he chose the wrong thing to paint but he tries to ignore that voice. You’re gonna love it, he just needs to keep on reminding himself of that.

To say your reaction didn’t disappoint would’ve been an understatement. Renjun actually managed to hold himself in check till he was the last one left to give his gift. You really like the gifts you got this year. From a new book to new skin care you’ve been eyeing for a while, your friends put thought into them and that’s what counts and makes you happy. Two of your friends left half an hour ago, cause it’s kinda late already. The boys spontaneously had decided to sleep over at Jeno’s place, so it’s only you, your bestie and the dreamies left. “Okay, time for the finale”, for some reason, Haechan is very excited for your reaction to Renjun’s gift as well. He secretly plans to take pictures of you two. Earlier today, he also appointed Jisung to take a video. “Give me a minute, love. I’ll get your gift” Renjun squeezes your hand, giving you a smile. You look over at the boys and they just have smiles on their faces. It’s obvious that you’re gonna like the painting. Really, Renjun doesn’t have anything to worry about. A minute later, he comes back with the painting in wrapping paper. He chose one with a leaf print on it. It looks nice and maybe it could give you a bit of foreshadowing on what the gift entailed. “Happy birthday, love” Renjun sets the painting down, holding it in place and signals for you to open it. “I hope you like it”

It’s clear that his gift was some kind of painting. Knowing Renjun, you guess that he actually painted it. “You painted for me?”, you place your hand on the gift. There was a certain smoothness to the wrapping paper. Renjun murmurs a small yes and the thought alone that he had painted you something this big was enough to make you tear up. He must’ve spent hours on this, hours just to make you happy. Sometimes you question how you were so blessed to have someone like him love you. Renjun really is giving his all to make you happy. Slowly, you unwrap the painting. Piece by piece different colors shine towards you, greens, some darker and some lighter, brown and little colorful spots. As soon as you unwrap the gift completely, you have a proper look at the painting and almost can’t believe your eyes. It’s so beautiful and perfect. You would’ve never expected such an amazing gift from him. You can’t believe Renjun would spend so much effort just for you. He put so much detail and love into the painting and it feels like you could see that from a mile away. This was the most thoughtful gift anyone ever gave you. You couldn’t possibly describe the meaning this holds for you. It’s so mesmerizing, the way the colors dance on the canvas, how he managed to portray feelings into his painting and really make it come alive. In a way it feels like the gift expresses how much Renjun loves you.

You’re so overwhelmed and touched by the painting, the hard work and love he must’ve put into it that the only thing you can do is let out a sob. Renjun definitely didn't expect that reaction. His eyes widen and he starts to panic inside. No no no, she hates it? I should’ve chosen something else, damn it! Your hand naturally finds its way onto your mouth, more tears rolling down your cheeks while you admire the painting for a few moments more. You know Renjun has always put thought into the gifts he got you, but this really is on another level. The amount of devotion he put into making this is unbelievable. You've never seen more beautiful art than this painting and he did it with his own two hands.

Renjun’s wide-eyed gaze finds Mark’s but he also doesn’t know what to do. It’s like Renjun’s worst nightmare comes true right in front of his eyes. How could I be so stupid! Damn it! I was so sure she’s gonna like it. “Baby-”, Renjun’s ready to apologize and go buy you a better gift immediately but you don’t even give him time to finish his sentence. Throwing your arms around him, you hug him tight. “Thank you, thank you.” Four simple words and Renjun’s world stopped crumbling. He is beyond relieved. It’s like all his panicky thoughts leave his body instantly. He lets out a small laugh, hugging you back and smiling into your shoulder. You actually like it, like really like it. “It’s so beautiful. Thank you so much” Your heart almost can’t handle the thought of Renjun giving you something so precious, so beautiful. “Baby you almost gave me a heart attack.” You lean back a bit, mumbling a small sorry before placing your lips onto his. Renjun’s lips were soft and smooth like always. His kiss makes your stomach flip. He’s truly yours, not going anywhere and loving you like no other guy ever has. Renjun’s arms tighten around yours before you tilt your head a little, deepening the kiss and soon enough you hear a mixture of complaints from the boys. “Okay, what the heck” “Ew, leave that for later guys” Renjun blushes a bit, pulling away slowly. He really isn’t used to doing that in front of the boys. Pecking his lips one last time, you loosen your grip and just smile at him. “Dang,” Haechan looks at the pictures he took of you two kissing, “I really need to learn how to paint”.

a/n: excuse any painting process parts or art major parts that might be inaccurate haha, oh and if you wanna request something, I'm open to hear your idea :)

#nct dream #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct renjun #nct dream x reader #renjun #renjun imagines #renjun fanfic #nct fanfic #nct dream fanfic #nct dream fic #huang renjun #nct dream renjun #renjun fluff #nct x reader #nct dream scenarios

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castleofclouds · 2 months ago

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Dream as Demigods.

nct dream as the sons of each god/goddess of mythical Greek God, this one are so hard to make but fun to do gosh <3

𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀⠀𓈒𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑳𝒆𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝑨𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒂 𝑺𝒐𝒏 ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

Athena Goddes Of Wisdom, War, And Handicrafts.

Mark was a true born leader, he had what it needs to be a leader of his troops.

His minds is filled with knowledge and wisdom, he loved reading book for most of his times

When Mark first discover he is the son of Athena he was astounded he never expected his mom could be the strongest goddess in the Greek mythology and he love every point of it.

He spend the rest of his days at cabin 6 or joined anybody at the training ground.

“Own the strength in your softness.”

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑯𝒖𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝑹𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒔 𝑬𝒓𝒐𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒏 ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

Eros God of Love, Desire, Passion, And Fertility.

Renjun was just too loveable for most of his life, or he is just that one friend that always knew how your relationship will ended up like, he just had the vision.

Renjun love reading, watching even listening to love songs, he found joys in that.

Most of his days at the camp he spend reading his romance book in cabin 39.

He realized it quite fast that he is Eros son and he kinda shy to admit his father are a Cupid he often read in the books.

“Two people didn't find each other by simple accidents.”

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑳𝒆𝒆 𝑱𝒆𝒏𝒐 𝒂𝒔 𝑨𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒏 ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

Ares God of War Or The Spirit Of A Battle.

Jeno were always calm for most of the time but he could went ballistic if somebody pissing him off.

He would always found himself doing the most hard work at his house and never complain, he always considered it as a work out.

One time he get detention because his classmates were being very rude toward the new substitute teacher, that's when he knew he actually are very strong for a normal teenager.

On the camp he loves training and use every each of his energy to train, his cabin only used at night, his cabin number is 5.

“I am the war you can never win.”

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑳𝒆𝒆 𝑯𝒂𝒆𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒔 𝑯𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒏 ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

Hades God of The Underworld And The Ruler Of The Dead.

Sometimes Haechan found himself to wonder and look at every dead people running around, yet he never questioned why.

Haechan love to used his glasses to hide the fact that he can see people that aren't living in the same world as him.

He hated his dad and he wish he never know him, how can he thinks giving him the sight could help him in life?

He always tried to run away from his camps and thinks his half-blood life were a joke, or he just wonder around his cabin in cabin 13.

“I have found so much beauty in the Dark as I have found a lot of horrors in light.”

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑵𝒂 𝑱𝒂𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒔 𝑨𝒑𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒏 ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

Aphrodite Goddes of Love, Beauty, Desire, and Sexuality.

Jaemin were always the center of attention, his beauty always catch everyone eyes.

He is so used of affection that he get from people that he started to feel more narcissistic about himself, the boy were living his best life.

With great beauty, there's always a weak heart that often felt jealous of his spotlight, but he doesn't care, he knew those people doesn't have what he had so he just left them be.

He loved staying at his cabin 10 to watch the sunset or just taking care of himself.

“Clever as the devil and twice as pretty.”

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝒁𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝑨𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒏 ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

Apollo God of The Sun, Light, Music, Poetry and Archery.

Chenle always the talented one in his classes, he doesn't know why, he never learned piano, but he knew how to play the notes, he never learn guitar but he could make a whole new music about it, he is just as confused as us.

He loved the sun and think the sun were a blessing for the earth and love to sunbathing under the sunlight.

He knew he was born different, he heard it from his mother that he is Apollo son and he doesn't complain if anything he was joyous, the idea of being the son of the Suns were too exciting to hear about.

His cabin are 7 and he would spend most of his times outside than inside enjoying every scenery he could find.

“We were kissed by poems, taken away by seas of prose.”

⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑱𝒊𝒔𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒔 𝑯𝒆𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒏 ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆

Hebe the Goddess of Eternal Youth And Forgiveness.

Jisung often wonder, why everybody around him always told him that he looks young than his actual age, and would always gasped every time he reveal his age.

Jisung love keeping in touch with the nature and found himself have a deep connection with the trees and grass.

His first reaction founding out he is a demigod were pure confusion, he still recover from it.

At his cabin, cabin 18 many people come just to see him and always shocked at his youthful appearance.

“They call us dreamers, but we are the one that doesn't sleep.”

𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀⠀𓈒𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀

Masterlist.

A/N

Before you commented, No. I don't know every piece of Percy Jackson lore nor did I read every book or a nerd of Greek mythology, I don't know everything about them tbh, but I love to learn and doing this scenario kinda make me feel fuzzy, like it's fun and warm? I love it, maybe I'll make it more in the future ofc! Comment what you would like on my other post in the future, or if you bored you can read my series? Girl gotta feed my family yk? Jk but it's totally okay if you had any suggestion, my suggestion box are wideee open. Just send mee~ anything. Please. Begging rn.

#nct dream #haechan #mark lee #jaemin #lee jeno #park jisung #renjun #chenle #kpop #percy jackson #god #goddess #demigods #athena #aphrodite #ares #cupid #hebe #apollo #hades #nct

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ynnova · 2 months ago

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𐙚⋆˚ BASiC iNFORMATiON ───── OH WHO IS SHE ?

NAME : Y/N

STAGE NAME : Y/N

NiCKNAMES : ATEEZ'S Supernova, ATEEZ'S Odd Fairy, K-Pop's It Girl to End All It Girls, Trinket Girl

BiRTHDAY : August 4, 1999

BiRTH PLACE : Misty Falls, South Carolina

HOMETOWN : Osaka, Japan

SPOKEN LANGUAGES : English (fluent), Japanese (fluent), Korean (mostly fluent)

𐙚⋆˚ CAREER iNFORMATiON ───── THE SUPERNOVA !

COMPANY : KQ Entertainment (2017 - present), SM Entertainment (2012-2016)

GROUP : ATEEZ (2018 - present), KQ FELLAZ (pre-debut), SM ROOKIES (pre-debut)

OCCUPATiON : Singer, Song-Writer, Producer, Model, Actress

DEBUT DATE : October 24, 2018

SOLO SONG : Cosmic

ANiTEEZ : YNNIEHANA

iNSTAGRAM : @/hauteyn

EMOJi : 🍓 / 🪱 (fans usually use the strawberry and y/n has used the worm in the past)

PERSONAL FANDOM NAME : YN-INATORS 🤖

SiGNATURE : writes her signature in a very fancy cursive print, usually signs her name in english when signing things for fans. along with her name she usually draws a small, cat-like doodle under the last letter of her name.

𐙚⋆˚ TRiViA ───── THE WORLD OF Y/N !

she's an only child.

she also has two cats named bebe and meow.

her and her parents moved from the states to japan when she was around five and has lived there for most of her life up until she became a trainee in 2012 and began living in korea. as of 2024, her parents are now back in the states.

was originally an smrookie trainee at sm entertainment, y/n was one of the first ones to be announced and quickly became one of their most popular trainees.

she was a cast member on the mickey mouse clubhouse along with other smrookies. she would eventually leave sm entertainment in 2016 after them continuously breaking promises on debuting.

she was very admired by some of her classmates and would often get letters and small gifts.

she is friends with several sm artists as she trained with a lot of them. those included are: red velvet's joy and yeri, nct dream, nct's yuta, and more recently aespa.

her first concert was hikaru utada and y/n often cites her as one of her main inspos for wanting to pursue a music career.

has a total of six tattoos which is currently the most out of any member.

she's a big fan of older survival horror games like siren, fatal frame, haunting grounds, clock tower, rule of rose.

some other games y/n is a fan of is no more hero, kingdom hearts, resident evil, and animal crossing.

the concept y/n wants ateez to try the most is either a barbie concept or a horror concept.

in 2023, it was announced that y/n and san were dating and had been in a relationship since 2020.

#[ 꽃 ] ₊⠀˚ 🪱 the world of yn ۪#✶ 𓂃 ⋆* 𝓎𝓃. ୨୧ character dev.#ateez addition #ateez ninth member #ateez added member #poly ateez x reader #idol!reader #ateez extra member #ateez 9th member #ateez female addition

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xrenjunniesx · 11 months ago

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nct dream

fluff (f) , angst (a), suggestive (s)

mark

see you again (f)

night in (f)

glad to help (f)

mark’s reaction to the crush song by twaimz (f) (s)

piggyback rides (f)

renjun

exhaustion (f)

midnight dancing (f)

make out (f) (s)

jeno

eyes off you (f)

the deal (f)

rainfall (f)

texts with friend!jeno pt1 (f)

friends to lovers!jeno texts pt2 (f)

star crossed lovers (a)

haechan

comfortable (f)

texts with academic rival!haechan (f)

pool day preparation (f)

may we continue to love forever (f)

jaemin

perfect pair (f)

texts with friend!jaemin (f) (a)

two bouquets (f)

take your time (f)

texts with bf!jaemin (f) (s)

chenle

will always be you (f)

texts with friend!chenle (f)

classmate!chenle to lovers (f)

there for you (f)

jisung

take the bus home (f)

masterpiece

#navigation #nct dream

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hyuckbeam · 2 years ago

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the ups and downs

all your life was spent earning recognition from others. hell, your past relationships ended badly because they couldn’t truly see you for yourself. knowing you’ll never be good enough is something you’ve grown so accustomed to, so why does it feel so nice when he tells you how proud he is of you?

pairing | archi student!renjun x archi student!reader

genre | fluff, angst, college au

warnings + notes | mentions of bad traumas/experiences, parent negligence, some bits of swearing, reader uses she/her pronouns, bff!chaewon, a lot of self-conflict, please lmk if i missed anything!

wc | 5.3k words

a/n | the first installation to the third time’s the charm (tttc) universe, yay! it took a little while to churn this one out because of school but i hope the wait wasn’t too long ;0; *punches school* as always,, likes, rbs, and feedback are appreciated <3 thank you!!

song recs | raise y_our glass - huh yunjin, hug - suggi, walk you home - nct dream

tttc m.list, main m.list

“mommy, look what i got!” your tiny feet carried you to where your mother was, a marked test paper in hand. “see, see? the pretty miss from school gave me an A on my exam!”

your teacher told you to study well because your parents would be really happy if you did your best on the upcoming exam. your younger self believed her and studied with the goal of making your parents proud. however, instead of any praises like your teacher had told you, all you heard was “later, dear. i’m busy. mommy is taking an important call and you’re being distracting.” in a whisper-yell manner that held not one ounce of warmth in it.

you were distracting. you were just a distraction in her life.

stunned was one way to describe how you felt. you were just a measly six-year-old kid at the time, but you could clearly tell your mother had no time for you, much less your father who was rarely home. they had no time to entertain you. they had no time to be proud of you. they needed to do grown-up things that didn’t involve you.

that was probably the first time you realized you were all alone. your parents would constantly be buried in work, and you didn’t have siblings to play with. you didn’t even have many (re: none) friends because you were always shy at school. none of the other kids wanted to approach you first either because their parents warded them off, saying how you came from a rich family and that you might punish them for doing the slightest bit of wrong — which was never the truth. you weren’t anything like that, but that’s how they assumed you to be. what was the point of being rich when your own parents didn’t even seem like family? deep down inside, all you wanted was to be appreciated for being yourself, but right now, you felt like a void had formed within you.

as you grew older, you still unconsciously wanted to gain recognition from others, even picking a course that you thought your parents would prefer. side note: they didn’t really care as much as you thought they would. you had also gained a few friends, but they were always at arm's length because your trust in others decreased significantly over the years.

how could anyone blame you though? you’ve had so many experiences where people came up to you wanting to be friends but actually wanted to get close to you for money. there were even some claiming they harbored romantic feelings for you, and yet, those were all lies to use you for their own gain. you were simply exhausted from being dragged around like a little doll people could put on up their display shelves.

you didn’t even see the point of making friends. you just did so because the school guidance counselor expressed her worries for you. a means to an end, you suppose. there was, however, an exception; that being kim chaewon.

she had introduced herself to you back when you were both classmates in middle school and practically attached you both at the hip since then — you didn’t mind though, in fact, you enjoyed it more than you’d ever like to admit. her company made you feel human. she was there when you first discovered your love for art, she was there to share lunches with at break time when you were all alone, she was there to wipe your tears when your emotions would burst after being bottled in for so long, she was there when no one else was, and you couldn’t be more thankful for her.

it was by chance your parents actually agreed for you to move into a dorm with her for college. you wondered if they would accept chaewon as your friend, but it seems that they already did – granted they allowed you to do this in the first place. they probably had to do a background check on her to make sure she wouldn’t ‘ruin their reputations’, but you’ll let their actions slide for now.

“y/n! you have your first class tomorrow, right?” chaewon pops up from your shoulder as you work on fixing your class schedule by the counter near the kitchen, catching you a little off guard.

“hm- oh, yeah. you’re starting later in the day, aren’t you? sucks to be you.” you tease lightly, watching as your friend’s face contorts to a frown.

“god, don’t remind me. why did they have to make ours a day ahead?” listening to her groans, you can’t help but chuckle to yourself. “we’ll all be starting the new semester eventually anyways!”

“yeah, yeah. still wished i had more minutes of freedom though.” her shoulders slump for a moment. “at least the first days are exciting. it’s nice being able to meet new classmates.”

chaewon was always known for being a social butterfly, but you were in no way similar. “speak for yourself! i already feel jittery from the fact we don’t share any classes at all.” you feign a shiver, pursing your lips into a thin line.

“you’ll be fine. you’re my best friend after all!” with a pat on the back, chaewon makes sure to flash you a reassuring smile knowing it helps your nerves calm down.

“yeah, i know i will be. i’m just worried for… you know… being outcasted by others again.” you bring up, voice getting quieter after every word. this instinctively prompts your best friend to reach out for a hug. “that won’t happen, hm? tell me if it does, i’ll absolutely ditch class for-”

“what, no! go attend class, silly.” a giggle manages to escape your throat, and chaewon smiles at being able to successfully lift your mood up. “can’t believe you’re getting rid of me already!!” she whines with a pout before bursting into a fit of laughter.

notebooks? check. pencils and pens? check. phone? also check- “hey, y/n! are you almost ready? we’re walking to campus together, right?” chaewon beams as she barges into your room bright and early in the morning.

with a yawn, you blink off your drowsiness, stuffing your back with your stationery. “yeah, let me just pack my bag and we can go, okay?”

“alright! i also made you some breakfast you can eat while we walk.” she reminds you before stepping out to fix her own things one last time.

despite being reassured by chaewon yesterday, you can’t help but notice that unsettling feeling crawl the back of your neck. you were still worried about class, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it now. you had a class to get to on time and you were going to be late if you stayed home any longer. walking out of your room to the kitchen, you grab the breakfast your friend had made in advance. “okay, chae! let’s get going. i don’t want to be late!”

you sling your bag over your shoulder, chaewon mirroring your actions as you both quickly head out of your shared dorm. checking your phone for the time, you realize you have around ten minutes before classes start for the both of you. “chae… we need to go- like now, now!!” you urge her to pick up the pace and start running – mentally thanking the fact your dorm is located near campus.

“we really need to work on our time management, huh?” she replies, words coming out breathlessly from the both of you running against the clock (literally and figuratively).

“no kidding, i’ll see you after class, okay?” you pant out, just as tired as she is. “yep! good luck, you got this!” chaewon hastily makes two thumbs-ups before leaving to catch her own class. now you just had to run to your building and- ouch! why does your head suddenly hurt?

rubbing your forehead to ease the impact, you look up to find a boy, who seems to be just as frazzled as you, staring down at your figure. “sorry, i wasn’t looking where i was going.” he apologizes sheepishly, offering a hand out for you to pick yourself back up with. “it’s okay i wasn’t paying attention either-” you finally get a good look at him. jet black hair, kind eyes that sparkle in the sun, a slight flush in his face (presumably from this entire mishap with you), and the prettiest lips that make you want to kiss- no, what were you doing? you just met him, and worse… “I’M GOING TO BE LATE!” you exclaim abruptly once gathering your thoughts. it seems you’ve even shocked him as he flinches a little. you quickly apologize, gathering your things as fast as you can before scurrying off, leaving without him being able to utter a single word back.

finally settling down in the front row of the class, your mind couldn’t help but wander back to the boy you bumped into earlier while waiting for the professor to arrive. you weren’t late, but god, that was seriously embarrassing… maybe you should’ve paid more attention to your surroundings.

or rather, you should start applying that insight right now because why is the same boy in your class asking if the seat next to you is already taken or not? maybe you’re just hallucinating and it’s a different guy- “excuse me? i hope you aren’t still shocked from earlier.”

nope, he was definitely the same guy from a while ago.

“sorry, i just… wasn’t expecting you to be in the same class. the seat is free by the way.” you finally answer back in a swift, yet awkward motion before taking out a small notebook from your bag to pretend like you’re busy. it seems like he takes your reply as a green light, placing his bag beside yours and taking his seat.

the silence continues on for the rest of the class, ultimately making you want to curl up in a hole and hide forever. at this point, you’re even considering dropping the class and taking it next semester to avoid experiencing this again. to your luck, you manage to finish the class without combusting on the outside, already preparing your things to leave, but the sweet tone of his voice makes you halt for a moment.

“sorry, i know we got on the wrong foot, but i’d really like to get to know you more.” he confesses with a calm smile. though the sight would make anyone melt for his charms, at this moment, he was the epitome of what you were afraid of. what if he wants to be friends to manipulate you? what if he wants to use you for money like all the others? so many thoughts started to go through your mind, it was starting to get overwhelming. it seems he senses this too, taking a small step back to give you some space.

“i understand if you don’t want to be friends, but how about i just get you coffee sometime for bumping into you as an apology? it can be a one-time thing.” he proposes, holding onto high hopes. taking a deep breath, you nod along in agreement despite your worries. it’s not like you wanted to assume his reasons for approaching you – you just couldn’t help doing so. either way, you knew judging the poor boy on the spot (or anyone for that matter) wasn’t that great, so you did what anyone else would.

“okay. when are you taking me out for coffee then?”

his eyes light up from your verbal agreement. “i think you should know my name first.” he starts with a chuckle. “it’s renjun- don’t forget it, alright? as for the details of grabbing coffee together…”

you were a little surprised renjun had arranged the set coffee meet-up to be just a few days later. perhaps he really was that eager to make it up to you, even when you were partially to blame for what happened back then. he didn’t seem to mind at all though – going as far as to remind you every now and then that he was going to treat you to coffee.

both of you were to meet at the campus coffee shop, and you were preparing your bag for the short trip with plans to study while talking to renjun (and using the fact you’re studying as an excuse if the situation starts getting difficult for you). “oooh, it’s just the first week since classes resumed and you’re already being asked out on a date?” chaewon singsongs from the living room.

“pfft, it’s nothing like that. he just says he owes me or something… i don’t really understand his reasoning considering we both bumped into each other.”

“you should just take the opportunity, my baby y/n.” your best friend coos. “who knows, maybe you’ll both have more in common with each other aside from, erm, being clumsy… then you’ll start developing feelings for the boy-”

“alright, i think you’re getting ahead of yourself now.” tutting back lightly, you wiggle your finger in the air before grabbing your keys and taking a step outside your dorm. “i’ll be back before dinner! don’t wait up if you get too hungry before then.” you add before closing the door behind you.

it takes a few minutes from your dorm to the coffee shop, but you manage to arrive on time, even spotting renjun occupying one of the tables next to the windows, seeming to be working on his laptop. “someone’s early.” you point out with a soft voice once approaching his table, offering him a brief wave right after. “hope i didn’t keep you waiting?”

renjun shakes his head, gesturing for you to take the seat in front of him. “like you said, i came pretty early, but i’m quite used to staying here during my free time. my friend actually works part-time here and drags me along with him.” he explains, nudging his head over towards the counter where you see a familiar face, lee jeno. chaewon had introduced you guys to each other before so you aren’t exactly strangers.

“oh, you’re friends with him?” you gasp a little, finding the world to be quite smaller than you thought. the two of you easily slip into a conversation because of this, and the plans you made earlier to study and avoid conversation as much as possible had now been thrown out the window.

you got to learn much about renjun despite only having a proper conversation today. he’s apparently in the same course as you (which explains why the both of you will be sharing more classes together), he often goes to his cousin’s dorm to play with their cat, and loves hotpot more than anything, even claiming he’s a connoisseur of that field – his words, not yours. you can’t help but find the little things about him endearing, and for once, you’ve let your guard down entirely in front of a person you had only met a few days prior. maybe it's the fact he’s so easy to talk to, maybe it's the glint in his eyes that shows his interest in what you have to share about yourself, or maybe it's the way he laughs at your jokes despite you thinking they weren’t that funny to get that big of a reaction out of him. time had passed by quickly with him as your company, however, you don’t seem to register that until he brings the time up.

“it’s getting a little late. come on, i’ll walk you back to your dorm.” he insists after checking his watch, now packing his things and getting ready to leave. though you didn’t want to bother him, there didn’t seem to be any room for you to protest otherwise, so instead, you let him accompany you home.

this is the first time someone has actually offered to walk you home. not even the people you had a relationship with (if you can even call it that) in the past ever proposed to do that for you. you’d be lying if renjun’s actions didn't send a fluttery feeling to your stomach like how those teen-vogue magazines would describe the feeling to be like. you remember it stating that specific sensation was what you’d feel once you start developing feelings-

oh, perhaps chaewon was right earlier. you might just fall for huang renjun.

you and renjun have gotten a lot closer ever since he took you out for coffee — hell, he’s even well acquainted with chaewon now — and he’s been plaguing your mind more than ever. though, you’re more conflicted than anything.

a part of you wants to let yourself fall for him. i mean, who wouldn’t want to be with a guy like renjun? sure, he may have some anger issues (your experiences watching him and jeno banter by the counter of the coffee shop can vouch for this), but he’s also the sweetest guy you’ve ever got to meet.

just as you’re about to consider accepting your feelings for the boy, there’s the other part of you that wants to keep yourself guarded. you know he’s different from the people you’ve met in the past, so why do you still get the suspicion he’s simply using you for his personal gain? mayhaps, you’re just sinking in your thoughts a little too much, but you can’t seem to shake it off your system.

it’s frustrating. you shouldn’t be thinking this way about a friend of yours. how would renjun feel if he knew you had pondered on the idea of him being a backstabber? surely, he would be offended by that, so you brush those invasive thoughts away. after all, you were to meet him in a little bit for your regular study sessions for the upcoming final exams.

exams always left a bitter taste in your mouth, recalling how it was for you growing up. studying with renjun made exam season just a tiny bit more bearable after he suggested you both should study together so you could help each other out. he’s always had your best interests in mind, another reason why you had come to like him so much- gosh, your thoughts were such a mess today that you wanted to scream out a window.

with a heavy heart, you start making your way to the ever-so-familiar campus coffee shop. as soon as you enter, you spot renjun, eyes already landing on your figure like he had been searching for you moments prior. had he been anticipating your arrival that eagerly? the worrisome thoughts you’ve been harboring have simply washed away as your heart felt like it was running a marathon by how fast it was beating. all you could think about was the blush you felt creeping up your cheeks once you noticed he was staring- staring at you.

“you’re finally here! i got your favorite matcha latte, it’s still pretty cold.” he quickly announces with a smile that’s never failed to make you feel better.

“thanks! i really owe you one, you know?” you chuckle at your own words, walking over to take the seat next to his. while you begin setting down your things on the table, your fingers accidentally brush against his, and yet, neither of you seems to want to pull away from the other. he links his pinky with yours instead, confirming your assumption even more.

was this normal for the two of you? not one bit.

did you wish it was? a million times, yes.

maybe you needed to get your head straight and actually start studying for your exams.

the last week of exams was certainly hell. you’ve never felt this drained in so long — the last time you could recall would probably be back in junior high. though, this time seems to be much worse since you couldn’t understand the number of times your mind went blank during the tests. was your scatterbrain due to the thought of your study “dates” with renjun? you’d like to blame it on those, yes.

results would be posted any hour now for your batch, and that kept your nerves high to quite an extent over the weekend. so much for finally getting to relax, huh? either way, you were glad that all of your finals have finally ended, but now you had to wait a few more days for chaewon to finish hers. she was still pretty swamped with requirements the last time you saw her at your dorm. there is, however, someone you know who just finished his exams in the previous week: renjun. you guys did have the same classes after all. maybe the day you would finally buy him a cup of coffee and make the playing field even between you two has finally arrived.

dialing his phone, you quickly called him up to meet at your regular spot and set out yourself. it’s a good thing you made it to the coffee shop before him this time (you still remember the last time he was earlier and that sent your brain haywire). you see jeno today as well in his spot behind the counter, making sure to greet him as you order drinks for yourself and renjun.

“oh? you’re buying him coffee this time?” jeno questions with an amused look, almost like he’s watching a k-drama he’s so invested in. “thought i’d repay him for all the free drinks i got.” you answer with a simple chuckle.

“he’s definitely going to enjoy this.” the barista adds in a cheeky mutter before preparing the drinks.

it doesn’t take long for renjun to arrive despite your short notice, entering the coffee shop 10 minutes after you did. renjun quickly noticed the mocha frappuccino you ordered for him in advance and was about to speak against it until you rebutted with the fact it had already been made and paid for. it’s a good thing jeno prepares coffee fast, or else you might’ve had a conversation about who’s paying for who’s drinks.

“i really don’t mind paying for your drinks in the first place!” renjun replies before spinning his drink with a pout.

“i sure as hell don’t mind paying for yours either! won’t you just consider this as me making it even with you-” the ping of both renjun’s and your phone has you pausing mid-sentence so abruptly, pulling your device out to see the notification that your grades have been released.

“you’re kidding, right when i was going to enjoy my drink?” you grumble lightly before taking a deep breath. you weren’t usually so scared for your test results, but after your mind went elsewhere during exam season, you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of anxiety.

a hand rests gently atop your shoulder, making you peer your gaze towards renjun. “you’ll do fine. we prepared for the exams for a pretty long time, so i know your efforts will turn out to be fruitful.”

his reassurance was all you needed to muster the confidence to check your scores. biting your bottom lip, you open the email with your scores listed down, scrolling through it slowly as you read the contents. your eyes soon land on your grade and it’s actually higher than you thought it would be – it felt like a miracle was bestowed upon you and you couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. “renjun i did it!” you exclaim, raising your hands in the air.

“see, what did i tell you? i’m so proud of you!” his words make your heart swell with so much joy. he just said he was proud of you. he’s genuinely thrilled about your accomplishment. his sentiments make you think you could cry right about now.

you’re too caught up in his sincerity, not realizing the two of you are inches apart. one small movement from either of you would be all it took for your lips to be smashed on his.

what if you wanted to make that move? what if you wanted to kiss him? what if… he doesn’t want that?

the same thoughts are probably running through his head as neither of you take initiative, silently staring at each other like your eyes hold everything you’ve been meaning to tell him. it appears as if he realized you weren’t ready for any advances, now taking a step back and clearing his throat – failing to hide the blush that rose to the tip of his ears.

how cute. that familiar feeling of butterflies had erupted once more, however, there was now another emotion that lingered – fear. and that’s when it hit you; you were scared.

what were you even scared of exactly? to be honest, you didn’t even understand yourself enough to give a straight answer.

maybe it was the fact that your relationship had never really been unstable at any point. the fact that it was going so well with him was what made you scared. what if everything would easily come crashing down and you’d never be able to talk to him again? you didn’t want to mess that up, no way. because of that notion, it felt like you were walking on thin ice, wanting to do all you could to keep up the good relationship you had with the boy.

you treasured him more than you’d like to admit.

there were also those negative thoughts you stored in the back of your mind, now resurfacing as you begin delving into them once more. most of those who tried to acquaint themselves with you ended up having a hidden agenda up their sleeve. you’d learn to shut those people off once having the impression they were up to no good, but you couldn't do that to renjun, not when you liked him so much.

it seems as though you had been sharing your thoughts aloud without noticing, with renjun being right next to you. shit, you messed up big time. not only did you confess you harbored feelings for him, but you voiced out your suspicions too. now he’s going to think you’re some kind of crazy-

“do i need an ulterior motive to love you?” renjun perks up from your claim, albeit a little shocked you’d assume that of him. your train of thought comes to a freeze, hearing him confront you about your concerns. wait, wait- let’s backtrack a little. did he just confess to liking, or rather loving, you too?

truthfully, that one sentence was all it took to leave you in a daze. you struggle for a moment to clear your mind, nodding your head as you anxiously reply. “most people have one when they do.” what were you even saying at this point? you didn’t really comprehend your own words either.

he takes a step forward. then one more, and another until he’s standing in front of you. his hand cups your cheek gently, radiating warmth — something you’ve grown to long for every time you weren’t in his presence. using his thumb to lightly swipe your bottom lip, he gets you to stop unconsciously nibbling on it from anxiety. “well, i’m not like most people. i’m in love with you, because it’s you.”

“because it’s me?” you mimic his words in a shaky sigh, “renjun, i don’t think you should be taking this on such a shallow level- i’m sure you… probably don’t like me that much. what’s there to like aside from my rich parents' money?”

“you’re kidding, right? why wouldn’t i like you when i’ve come to cherish every second we’re together because you always make my day brighter without even trying. even as we’re fighting right now, there’s still a part of me that’s happy because i can see you in front of me. this isn’t about money at all!”

“everyone values money one way or another, renjun! this isn’t just about the type of person i see you as.” you sputter out. you were still scared, scared to fall for someone who might actually like you, for you. his genuine love was unknown territory, and you didn’t know the first step on how to go about it.

“i won’t lie, money is valuable, but it’s not everything in life. there really are some things that money can’t buy.” he utters out slowly, wanting you to understand every word he speaks. “it certainly can’t buy you, no?”

you were left speechless because all renjun said was right. he knew the limits money had and understood that. money wasn’t everything, and it’ll never be able to buy someone’s true feelings. that was something you really needed to hear all your life. maybe you’d be less afraid to let people crash your walls down if you had come to terms with that earlier. maybe loving him would have been easier all this time.

“i- i’m sorry.” your words come out in a stutter, trying to hold yourself back from sobbing into his arms. “i’m sorry for thinking you were someone you weren’t. i just-”

“you don’t have to be sorry for anything. you had every right to question my intentions, okay? but from now on,” he starts, bringing his hands up to your already burning cheeks. “i’ll take care of you. i’ll make sure you know just how much you’re appreciated, not just by me, but by everyone around you too. i’ll make sure you know you’re loved.” his words flow out soothingly like a calm river, contrasting the harsh waves you had to deal with all your life.

“i’ll keep loving you for as long as you let me.” truly, at this moment, you know he feels like home, your home.

overwhelmed by emotion, you reach out for his embrace, and he extends his arms out wide as if it was first instinct. his arms that wrap around you radiate a comforting warmth, the hoodie he’s wearing smells a bit like his favorite mocha frappuccino, and his entire being has turned into something you were familiar to – you think you never want to go back to a life without him, and you don’t have to because he’s right here and he loves you.

looking up to get a glance at renjun, you see him being unable to contain his smile with the corners of his lips pulling up unconsciously. god, did you want to kiss his pretty lips. it all feels like dejavu – you were in the same predicament back then when you first met him except this time, you think you finally have the guts to act upon your thoughts.

just as you were about to lean in, you’re caught rather off guard by renjun beating you to it. you both always seem to have the same thoughts in mind as if you both understood each other without anything needing to be said. his lips slot perfectly against yours, and the tingly feeling has your stomach doing somersaults. eventually, you need to pull away for air, noticing how he was still chasing after your lips – yearning to lengthen the kiss.

“i was going to kiss you first, you know?” you bring up with flushed cheeks, reaching out to hug his chest because you were too shy to lock gazes.

renjun laughs softly at your confession, raising a hand to card his fingers through your hair. “i had a feeling you’d do that, so i went for it instead.”

“you really surprised me! i gathered up my courage and everything!” giggling at your own words, you finally felt complete.

as it turns out, those teen magazines weren’t phony at all. you just hadn’t met the right person back then, but that changed after you met renjun. emotions resemble a rollercoaster with all its ups and downs, however, you think you’ll continue the ride for as long as he’s with you.

taglist | @haeravlgs, @matchahyuck, @vantxx95, @ahnneyong, @lixxbr0wnie, @legbouk, @rocarecs

— lmk through an ask if you’d like to be added!

tags !!

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ghostofhyuck · 7 months ago

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NCT Dream when they realized that they're in love with you, their fake girlfriend.

Mark Lee

It started with jealousy. Really. Mark should've known but to stay within the boundaries you two established. You two are fake dating because you're tired of explaining to your parents that you don't need a boyfriend at the moment, so Mark came into the rescue. Mark knew that you don't want any commitments at the moment but oh, when you started to have crush on this classmate of yours, it left a sour impression on him. He was having a push-and-pull moment with his feelings bec first of all, you two aren't in a real relationship, and second, he doesn't have the right to be jealous. But why is he jealous? It probably took Mark days to realized that he's in love with you and his jealousy was the result of it.

Huang Renjun

You and Renjun are platonic soulmates. That's what you two are and despite the whole fake dating scenario, nothing changes between the two of you. BUT that's what Renjun thought. It started with the way he noticed that you prefer wearing makeup on your stressful days, and leaves your face bare during normal days. Then he remembers your drink order at a local coffee shop near your university, or how your hair smells like candy mixed with roses. Renjun unknowingly remembers all these small detail of yours, and he couldn't help but to notice you more. Day by day, slowly it became an epiphany to him, that italicized, "oh." he's in love with you.

Lee Jeno

It was an intimate moment between the two of you. On a late-night convenience store run, you two strucked a conversation that you two never had ever since you two entered a fake relationship. It ranged from senseless topics to serious ones, like your future, your dream, and what you want to do after graduating college. Jeno hums quietly as he listen to your thoughts, he couldn't help but to stare at you, fond because your face was full of expression. So the moment you slipped out that you're uncertain about relationships in your future, Jeno was strucked. That's when he realized that he couldn't imagine his future without you, and a part of him was convinced, that maybe you two should make this relationship be real.

Lee Donghyuck

it's rare for you to go on radio silence. It's not that Haechan's worried or anything, but as his fake gf, you're the type to give him update or what-nots in case there's an emergency where you two need to act like a couple. So when you're not responding to his messages, Haechan found himself going to your apartment, knocking on the door twice. It took him a few minutes to wait until you opened the door --- both of you are surprised to see each other. Haechan found himself staring at your crying face, (you're in the middle of a breakdown.) "what happened!?" he asked with an angry tone, thinking that someone hurt you. Okay, maybe Haechan is worried about you, and he felt himself hurting because you're in that situation.

Na Jaemin

Despite being in a fake relationship, you and Jaemin agreed that you two can still meet other people. I mean, the fake relationship is just so your ex would stop bothering you. It worked but you two maintain it because nothing changed between the two of you. You know that Jaemin keeps on seeing other girls, and you're not worry about it, since you don't have plans of having a boyfriend at the moment. (And what you have with Jaemin is very platonic.) But what you don't know is that Jaemin had that weird feeling whenever he's around with another girl. That he feels like he's cheating on you, and no matter how many girls he tried to meet, he always finds himself looking for you instead.

Zhong Chenle

It started with a fight. A huge misunderstanding that was followed by a miscommunication. It's been a week since you two fought and your anger to Chenle never perished. He was being unreasonable for someone who's a fake bf! He thinks that he's right and wanted to stand on his opinion even though you explained to him calmly your side. But it seems like he doesn't want to believe you, so you walked out first. It's been a week and the guilt is eating Chenle up. Having received an intervention from his friends not only about the fight but also about your fake relationship with him, Chenle probably had an epiphany moment when one of them blurted out, "do you love her?" and then he realized, "oh shit, i do love her."

Park Jisung

When you and Jisung entered a fake relationship, there were rules and boundaries that shouldn't be crossed --- one of them are physical touches like hugs and kisses. BUT it was a party. Everyone was drunk, and you two became the center of the dares. It was just a kiss, they say. You two are dating, so a kiss would be harmless right? And as much as Jisung tried to avoid it, you ended up only giving him a nod, a permission to him to do it. It was probably one of the best five seconds of his life. After the kiss, Jisung would be so dumbstruck about it, even though he apologized to you after and you brushed it off, he couldn't help but to still think about it. He was sleepless!! he wanted to kiss you again, but this time, he wanted it to be real and genuine.

#nct imagines #nct dream #nct dream fic #nct fic #nct x reader #nct #nct dream imagine #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct dream reactions #nct drabbles #nct dream imagines #nct mark #nct renjun #nct jeno #nct haechan #nct jaemin #nct chenle #nct jisung

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hugs2doie · 2 years ago

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nini’s masterlist .

⌦ nct dream (ot7)

✩ nct dream’s reaction when you send cheesy pick up lines !

✩ nct dream’s reaction when you don’t pick up their phone calls !

✩ nct dream’s reaction when you bring a cat home !

✩ nct dream comforting/complimenting you on a bad day

✩ texting nct dream “my sibling wants to meet you” !

✩ random nct dream texts !

✩ clingy nct dream

✩ jealous nct dream

☆ nct dream sending you a cheesy pick-up line !

✩ nct dream texting you after an argument !

☆ liking each other at the wrong times

☆ nct dream possessive texts

☆ their s/o being on youngji drinking show

☆ their reaction to their drunk s/o texts

☆ nct dream when you’re mad at them

☆ nct dream when you fall asleep on call

☆ nct dream texts when you accidentally cut your finger

☆ hyping the dreamies up cause they’re nervous for their comeback

☆ “shes busy” prank

✩“i saw you cheating” prank

☆ “i’m paying for you nails” texts

☆ them asking you to unblock them after a (silly) argument)

☆ them being jealous of you liking/listening to other artists/groups

☆ them texting you from other numbers after you’ve blocked them

☆ their reaction when you ask why they’re dating you

☆ the dreamies reaction when you tell them “we need to talk”

☆ “i was talking to my other boyfriend” prank on them

☆ the dreamies being down bad for you even though you’re in a relationship

☆ the dreamies texting you after a few days of not talking because of their busy schedules

☆ their reaction after you drunkenly confessed to them

☆ their reaction when you text them that your pants have been stained cause of periods in public

☆ “you were my first kiss”

✩“my parents liked you”

☆ texting them “i love you too” but it was for their mom

☆ nct dream texts x idol!reader

— mark 𖦹

☆ she fell first but he fell harder

☆ mark drabble inspired by dark red

— renjun 𖦹

✩ random renjun bf texts !

☆ a random argument with renjun !

☆ you fell first but he fell harder <3

☆ [19:56]

☆ more renjun bf texts

☆ renjun drabble inspired by last waltz

— jeno 𖦹

☆ jeno texts after a fight

☆ jeno drabble inspired by i don’t love you

— haechan 𖦹

☆ random haechan bf texts !

☆ she fell first but he fell harder

☆ best friends to lovers with haechan

☆ nct dream 8th member drabble

☆ haechan going to ikea and sending his gf pics of the furniture he would like to test out w her (IDK WHAT ELSE TO TITTLE THIS)

— jaemin 𖦹

☆ jaemin comforting his gf !

☆ random bf jaemin texts !

— chenle 𖦹

☆ random chenle bf texts !

☆ she fell first but he fell harder

☆ jealous chenle texts

✩ telling chenle about your sleeping habits

☆ chenle drabble inspired by womanizer

— jisung 𖦹

☆ jisung angst texts !

☆ random jisung bf texts !

☆ more jisung bf texts !

⌦ nct 127

✩ comforting you on a bad day (text)

☆ nct 127 possessive texts

— johnny 𖦹

☆ random johnny bf texts !

— taeyong 𖦹

☆ random taeyong bf texts !

— yuta 𖦹

☆ random yuta bf texts !

☆ bf!yuta comforting you

— doyoung 𖦹

☆ doyoung jealous texts !

☆ doyoung bf texts !

☆ more doyoung bf texts !

— jaehyun 𖦹

☆ chocolates & milkshake

— jungwoo 𖦹

(you can find mark & haechan at nct dream <3)

⌦ wayv

☆ wayv jealous texts

☆ wayv possessive texts

☆ wayv texting you after a fight

☆ randomly saying i love you to them

☆ wayv texts when you fall asleep on call

☆ their reaction when you ask them “why am i dating you?”

— kun 𖦹

☆ random kun bf texts !

☆ kun possessive texts

— ten 𖦹

☆ random ten bf texts !

— winwin 𖦹

☆ random winwin bf texts !

☆ jealous winwin tests !

☆ winwin possessive texts !

☆ more random winwin bf texts !

☆ clingy winwin scenario !

☆ texting winwin about his kiss scene !

— xiaojun 𖦹

☆ doting on xiaojun <3

— hendery 𖦹

☆ random hendery bf texts !

— yangyang 𖦹

☆ yangyang possessive texts !

☆ classmates to lovers with yangyang !

☆ random yangyang bf texts !

☆ more yangyang possessive texts !

☆ yangyang shy boy scenario

⌦ seventeen (ot13)

☆ seventeen’s maknae line when their “i love you message” gets autocorrected to “i hate you”

— s.coups 𖦹

— jeonghan 𖦹

☆ random jeonghan bf texts !

— joshua 𖦹

☆ random joshua best friend texts !

— jun 𖦹

☆ random jun bf texts !

— hoshi 𖦹

— wonwoo 𖦹

— woozi 𖦹

— dk 𖦹

— mingyu 𖦹

☆ random mingyu bf texts

— minghao (the8) 𖦹

☆ minghao best friend texts

— seungkwan 𖦹

— vernon 𖦹

☆ random vernon bf texts !

— dino 𖦹

#masterlist #nct #nct dream #nct dream fluff #nct dream headcanons #nct dream imagines #nct dream reactions #nct dream x reader #nct fluff #nct headcanons #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen texts #seventeen fake texts #nct imagines #seventeen headcanons

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weirdkpopgirl · 1 year ago

Text

My First | Renjun Fic #2

Title: My First

Genre: high school au, angst

Warnings: mentions of self-harm, divorce, abusive parent. please don't read if any of these topics make you uncomfortable

Word Count: ~13k

Author's Note: I originally posted this book on wattpad, but not many people read it. So I decided to consolidate the book into a full-length fic to post here on tumblr and my nct dream book on wattpad. I wrote this story years ago, inspired by a brief crush I had in high school. I really hope you guys like this story ^ ^

P.S. there may or may not be a sequel to this 😅

*song mentioned is Sorry Heart by NCT Dream*

𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪

A small high school reunion was underway, hosted by Lee Haechan at a fried chicken restaurant he had opened some time ago. Even amidst his hectic commitments, Rejun made sure with his managers that his schedule would be done by the evening. After all, he couldn’t miss this occasion. Not when this was his chance to see her again.

He discreetly entered the restaurant, donning a mask and a black cap to maintain his anonymity until he had fully entered the premises.

Suddenly, he heard the voice of his old friend exclaim, “There he is! The global K-pop sensation!”

Renjun chuckled bashfully as a wave of applause and cheers echoed Haechan's proclamation. Taking a seat, he scanned the room, searching for a familiar face among his former classmates.

“She should be here soon,” Haechan whispered, his hand resting on Renjun’s shoulder as a glass of soju was poured for him. Renjun nodded and allowed himself to unwind for the time being.

After a few drinks, the restaurant's front doors chimed, and Renjun swiftly turned his head to witness the entrance of two individuals. And there she stood, nearly everything about her appearance was the same since high school. Her hair remained long, now adorned with a reddish hue. The melancholy that once clouded her eyes was replaced with a sparkle he never saw in her before. The smile he loved so much hadn’t changed at all. Yet, he knew that smile on her face wasn’t because of him. But it was because of the man whose gentle hand rested on her back.

Renjun couldn't deny that the sight caused a subtle ache within him, breaking his heart a little. He guessed he deserved this feeling though. Especially considering he was the one who had broken hers in the first place.

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She remembered the first time she laid eyes on him, a memory that stood apart from his initial introduction as a transfer student from Jilin, China, at the beginning of high school. She had been rather inattentive back then. This was that one moment when she truly noticed him.

In her oblivious state, she hadn't even realized they lived in the same neighborhood until that day. As was her usual routine, she got off the bus, and there he was, standing at the crosswalk.

Initially, she was about to walk straight to her house without a second thought. But her steps halted when she witnessed an elderly lady struggling with several heavy grocery bags. It was evident that the weight was taking a toll on her. Before she could rush to her assistance, the boy beat her to it.

“Halmeoni,” he spoke kindly, offering a warm smile, “Let me help you.”

He gently took the bags from the lady's hands, and the woman chuckled, tenderly pinching his cheek. She observed them strolling down the street, engaged in cheerful small talk. Their smiles were infectious, and she found herself smiling too.

As they completed their short trip across the street and exchanged farewells, he seemed to sense someone's gaze upon him. Before she could react, their eyes met. In that instant, her brain went into a mild panic, and she turned away, hurrying home without looking back.

No, it wasn't as though she had fallen head over heels for him on that day. Such emotions didn't come easily to her, it seemed. She had simply become more aware of his existence. Unfortunately, she had never mustered the courage to strike up a conversation with the boy. Despite attending the same school, she was absorbed in her studies and lacked the confidence to approach him. The art of making friends was something she had never been adept at.

She didn’t bother to say anything to him in school and she didn’t expect him to either. But for some reason, knowing that bothered her. She couldn't quite explain the feeling. After all, she didn't know him beyond that one act of kindness, even though she was sure it wasn't his first.

Little did she realize that this encounter had only marked the beginning of their story.

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She remembered the next day when he stepped into their homeroom. Their eyes met once more, a scene that could have been plucked from a cliché K-drama. For precisely three seconds, she maintained eye contact with him before her gaze dropped to her desk.

That was the day she finally recalled his name when the teacher called for attendance – Huang Renjun. If not for his introduction, she might have not realized he was Chinese. Partially because she had initially believed his last name to be Hwang. His Korean proficiency further blurred the lines, matching her own.

Each time Renjun spoke in class, she couldn't help but be impressed by his fluency. A classmate mentioned that he had taken Korean as an elective at his previous school.

Nonetheless, she didn't engage in much conversation with him in the early days of the school year, despite the fact that they shared a classroom nearly every day, with their desks not being too distant from each other. Their circles of friends were also closely-knit. Besides the few friends she had made at school, she rarely ventured to talk to anyone else.

However, she found herself unable to cease her contemplation of him. Occasionally, her gaze would stray from her textbook, and she'd spot the dark brown-haired boy a few desks ahead. A slight lean to the left allowed her to observe him diligently taking notes during the teacher's lectures.

Before Renjun, she had never really paid attention to boys. To this day, she remained uncertain about what exactly drew her to him. Perhaps it was his refined facial features, their shared artistic inclinations, or the way he displayed irritation and endearing cuteness when angered. It might have been the enchanting hums he produced while listening to songs from his playlist on their bus rides home.

Some might have labeled her an obsessive stalker, but anyone would have noticed the same subtle details if they had taken a second to observe him. Living in the same neighborhood and attending the same school merely facilitated this connection.

Renjun and she were so close, yet so far away at the same time.

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She remembered their first real encounter quite fondly. It occurred close to the second month of school when one of her friends attempted to persuade her into joining their study group.

“You should join us, (Y/n),” her friend said, trying to convince her for the nth time.

She nervously bit her lip and hesitated, “I don't know…”

Her study habits usually involved solitary efforts or the occasional study session with a single companion. The idea of meeting up with a group of unfamiliar faces didn't particularly appeal to her.

Furthermore, her friend mentioned that part of the reason for forming this study group was to create opportunities for getting closer to some of the cute and popular guys in their homeroom. She couldn't shake the feeling that they wouldn't be doing much actual studying.

“Can you at least come to one meeting?” her friend implored, holding up a single finger. “That's all I'm asking for!”

Reluctantly, she ended up agreeing because she didn’t want to disappoint her friend. After all, she knew that friend would never lead her into doing something crazy. Thus, she arrived at the cafe with the intention of sitting at the end of the table, where she could quietly focus on her studies and avoid interaction with the rest of the group as much as possible.

As much as she had hesitated about attending, she had always been an early bird when it came to events like this. Tardiness had always been one of her pet peeves. Little did she anticipate being one of the first to arrive.

To her luck, the one other person already present was him.

Her body froze as she entered the moment she saw Renjun seated at the empty table with his books spread out before him. He wore a light orange hoodie and round-shaped glasses. Her eyes shifted to the white sweatshirt she was wearing, and she habitually adjusted her own glasses, no longer self-conscious about dressing casually.

Noticing that he wasn't by himself anymore, Renjun's eyes met hers once more. It felt reminiscent of a few weeks ago, but she couldn't tell if he recognized her. Unlike the last time, she managed to resist the impulse to run away when he spoke first.

“Are you here for the study group too?” he inquired.

For some inexplicable reason, words failed to escape her lips, so she simply nodded in response.

Renjun’s smile put her at ease, “That's a relief. I was beginning to worry that I was pranked into coming here alone.”

“Oh, I see…” She awkwardly averted her gaze, focusing on her shoes, unable to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds.

He gestured to the chair beside him, “Um— you can sit here if you want.”

Taking a deep breath, she composed herself before taking a seat. She did her best to collect her thoughts and not appear foolish.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she set her bag down.

Swiftly, she retrieved her homework, diverting her attention from the boy next to her. However, as she did so, her gaze accidentally met him once again. His smile was far warmer than she had imagined it to be.

"You're Kim (Y/n), right?"

“You know me?” The surprise must have been evident on her face because Renjun regarded her as if she had asked an obvious question.

“Of course. We’re in the same class, and I've seen you in my neighborhood a few times,” he explained. “How would I not know you?”

It dawned on her that she wasn't the only one who had noticed those coincidences that connected them. He had been aware of her existence all along. There was no reason for her to have felt invisible. Why had she entertained such thoughts before?

“Oh, right,” her eyes dropped to her homework in embarrassment.

Renjun chuckled and tapped his pencil on her notebook, “Did you understand the math homework?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she replied as she skimmed over the math problems they had to solve.

Math wasn't her strongest subject, but it wasn't her weakest either. The same could be said for her other classes. She excelled in any class related to the fine arts.

“I'm not sure when the others are going to get here,” Renjun remarked, “So do you want to work on this and check our answers together?”

“Oh— sure,” she said, picking up her pencil, relieved to finally engage in productive work. She had been worried that attending this gathering would be a waste of study time.

However, she and Renjun were both diligent students, sharing the same goal of completing their work as efficiently as possible.

Working together in a tranquil atmosphere, she started to relax. But, eventually, their friends began to arrive.

“Oh, you guys are here already!” the friend who had invited her exclaimed. She sighed, a tad disappointed that everyone was here now. Still, she concealed her frustration with a smile and waved at her friend.

The study group unfolded precisely as she had expected, with little actual studying being accomplished. Most of the group members engaged in chatter and jokes. Renjun and she, on the other hand, remained seated at the corner of the table, quietly working on their homework and occasionally helping each other if they encountered difficulties.

After about two hours, everyone started to disperse. It was already dark outside as she stepped out. Since they were both headed in the same direction, Renjun suggested they take the bus together. He gave the excuse that it would be dangerous for her to go home alone.

With rosy cheeks, she glanced down at her shoes and allowed him to accompany her to the bus stop. His actions reinforced her initial impression of Renjun as a kindhearted person.

Upon boarding the bus, few words were exchanged. Yet, the silence between them didn't feel as awkward as it had earlier. She gazed out of the bus window, watching as cars and buildings passed by. Occasionally, she noticed him stealing glances in her direction from the corner of her eye, and she hesitantly turned around once, only for him to quickly avert his gaze. Perhaps her initial interpretation had been mere wishful thinking.

Her attention returned to the window, and she couldn't help but smile, reflecting on the subtle shade of red that colored his cheeks. It was undeniably cute.

As they disembarked from the bus, Renjun scratched his head and avoided her gaze.

"I guess I'll see you at school on Monday?"

She slowly nodded, "Yeah."

"I guess I'll get going then."

Before she could watch him leave, she suddenly called out, “Wait!”

When he turned back to look at her, she smiled bashfully, “It was nice to meet you, Huang Renjun.” In return, he offered a smile just as warm as the first time.

“Same to you, Kim (Y/n).”

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She remembered the change when she returned to school on Monday. Upon entering the classroom, Renjun warmly waved at her, and she shyly waved back before taking her seat. It felt peculiar to have someone other than Soojin greet her with such enthusiasm.

After their last class of the day, Renjun approached her desk with hesitation, inquiring whether she'd be interested in studying together more often. He mentioned that they got along well and he felt more comfortable studying with her rather than with the group from the previous day. The fact that Huang Renjun, whom she had never interacted with before, was extending this invitation felt unfamiliar.

“There's a library near the school where we can go,” he mumbled nervously, his confidence waning with each word.

In retrospect, she realized she should have declined at that moment, perhaps questioning why he wanted to spend time with her of all people. Turning him down then might have shielded her from the tangled web she was about to weave.

However, she couldn't resist a shy smile and accepted his invitation. Her rationale was that she preferred studying with one person over a large group, but also because she saw an opportunity to get to know the intriguing boy who had captured her curiosity.

Her hopes were met, as they began meeting at the library once a week to do homework or prepare for exams. Once a week quickly escalated to twice a week, and soon, they were seeing each other nearly every weekend.

Through those encounters, she learned quite a bit about Renjun, and she believed he was also getting to know her, to some extent. It would be a while before he truly understood her.

“Hey (Y/n),” he said one day, his tone laced with concern. “You're not usually this quiet. Are you okay?”

Lifting her head from her laptop, she met his worried expression, the first time she noticed how his chocolate brown eyes sparkled when the light hit just right. His soft gaze made her want to answer honestly, but she had grown accustomed to concealing her true feelings, even from herself. So, she responded with the same excuse she used whenever her friend posed that question.

“Oh, I'm... I'm just tired, that's all! I'm fine.”

He nodded and returned to his work without further inquiry, though she could sense his desire to probe deeper. Several such instances occurred between them, but she always held back, no matter how much she longed to reveal her true thoughts.

At times, she found herself wishing they hadn't crossed paths from the beginning.

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She remembered returning home each day, where her school life came to a pause and her personal life resumed. Upon entering through the front door, she was met by a towering stack of boxes and several others that crowded one end of the sofa. To any guest, it would appear as though they were in the middle of moving. However, they weren't. At least not at the time.

Ironically, despite her typically organized and minimalist lifestyle, she was no longer fazed by the clutter. Kicking off her well-worn sneakers and placing them on the shoe tray, she hung up her jacket and felt a wave of relief as she discarded her bag.

She picked up her bag once more, intending to carry it upstairs to her room. Just as she reached the top of the stairs, a voice interrupted her.

“Kim (Y/n). You don't even say hi to your mother?”

She held back from scoffing as her mother walked past her. Shaking her head, she continued to ignore her, as was her usual practice, and pushed open the door to her room. Her bag fell to the floor in the corner by her desk.

There was nothing particularly noteworthy about her room. She owned only the essentials: a bed, a dresser, an alarm clock, and a desk. However, it was the only place where the real her was revealed, not the persona she presented to the world, nor the facade of strength she wore despite being the weakest person she knew.

Taking a seat in front of her desk on the swivel chair, she sighed. Slowly, her hand reached for her sleeve and began rolling it up, revealing scars that had yet to fully heal. Ugly slashes of red and pink extended from her upper arm and stopped halfway at her forearm.

Laughing to herself, she clenched her fists. These scars served as a reminder of her brokenness.

Even someone like Huang Renjun couldn't rescue her from herself.

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She remembered the day after school when she was listening to music while waiting for the bus. As she scrolled through her saved albums, a message notification unexpectedly appeared.

Mom: (Y/n), I've started applying for job opportunities, but I'll also be receiving financial support from your father before leaving him. If you move in with me, you can have your own room and everything

After reading the message once, she took a deep breath and swiped it away. Gently inserting her earbuds into her ears, she turned up the volume on her phone, allowing the current song to engulf her ears, if only for a few minutes, to temporarily forget everything. However, her solitude was soon disrupted by someone taking a seat next to her at the bus stop. She immediately recognized him as Renjun.

“What are you listening to?” he asked.

She removed one earbud and handed it to him, inviting him to listen along with her. He smiled and plugged the earbud into his left ear.

“Oh, I know this song.” His eyes lit up as he began to sing along. The current track playing was “Don’t Go” by EXO.

While he sang, she stared at him in a daze. “I didn't know you could sing,” she mumbled when the song ended.

Blushing, he cast his eyes downward. “I used to dream of becoming a singer like Rain or someone.”

“Do you not want to be a singer anymore?”

With some hesitation, he responded, “Entering the entertainment field is risky. The chances of someone like me getting in and achieving success are quite low.”

Before she could offer a proper reply, the bus arrived, momentarily interrupting their conversation. As they took their seats, Renjun began recommending songs and other artists she should explore. Nevertheless, her thoughts kept returning to what he had said earlier. She understood why he held those reservations. Someone as cautious as herself couldn't disagree.

That summer, she and Renjun spent a lot of time together. There were no formal plans or scheduled meetups; their interactions occurred naturally. If she was in one place, he would show up, and vice versa. In their moments alone, he would sing a few songs when she asked.

Unbeknownst to her, she found herself captivated by his voice. It was so clear and pleasant to the ear. She struggled to comprehend why he had abandoned his dream of becoming a singer, as it was evident that singing brought him immense joy.

“Your voice is so beautiful,” she mustered the courage to tell him one day. “I think if you debuted as a k-pop idol, you'd definitely make it.”

He looked up and smiled at her. “Thank you for saying that. But I believe it's wiser for me to attend university and secure a well-paying job.”

“You want to be just like everyone else?" she asked, wondering in the back of her mind if her question sounded too critical.

Renjun sighed, “It's a naive dream that's long behind me now. It doesn't matter anymore.”

Her lips formed a frown at his words, but she refrained from further comment. At the time, he seemed resolute in his choices. She had even thought to herself that perhaps it was for the best. If he had become a famous singer, he might have forgotten all about her.

Little did she know then how their lives would ultimately unfold, marked by contradictions.

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She remembered the last weekend before school was set to begin again. It was the first time she had been invited to his house, as his parents were away on a short trip to China, and he sought company. The idea of being alone with him at his place was intimidating, so she was relieved to find that he had also invited another friend to join them.

“Ugh, thank goodness you're here,” Renjun sighed in relief as he opened the door for her. “Haechan and I were arguing over which movie to watch.”

Trying to stifle a smile, she rolled her eyes as she closed her umbrella and removed her wet shoes. She often found it amusing how Renjun and Haechan could switch from arguing to being the best of friends in the blink of an eye.

“(Y/n), back me up here!” Haechan implored when he saw her enter the room. “On a rainy day like this, we have to watch a horror movie.”

She had known Lee Haechan since kindergarten, and even then, he was quite popular among the kids due to his outgoing personality. However, she hadn't interacted much with him until Renjun befriended her. Haechan started tagging along when they hung out, not wanting to be left out.

Despite Haechan's love for provoking Renjun, he was much kinder to her. He would often try to get her to defend him when he got Renjun angry. Naturally, the three of them ended up spending more time together than with their regular friend group.

“It's my house!” Renjun complained. “And I don't want to watch a horror movie.”

Haechan flashed a teasing glint in his eyes. “Oh. You're probably too scared to watch one.”

“I never said that I was scared,” Renjun turned to her. “Let’s just have (Y/n) choose the movie.”

Her cheeks warmed from the sudden attention. Their arguments typically ended with her being the one to make the final decision. So, she suggested a compromise: they could watch one horror movie and one of Renjun's choices. The boys looked at each other and had a moment of realization.

She had to admit it was quite amusing to watch Renjun and Haechan scream at the scary parts and laugh in embarrassment during the second movie. The two of them got into a spat when Haechan spilled popcorn on Renjun, leading to more bickering that she had to mediate. Sometimes she wondered if they were really in high school.

By the time they finished both movies, they noticed the storm hadn't shown any signs of letting up. Renjun suggested that they sleep over for the night, deeming it too risky to venture out in the rain.

Haechan eventually dozed off, leaving Renjun and her as the only ones still awake. They sat on the floor in front of the sofa, contemplating what to do. After a few awkward silences, Renjun cleared his throat.

“Do you want to see some of my old pictures?” she nodded eagerly in response.

He got up and retrieved a light brown photo album, which took her by surprise as she hadn't expected him to have so many pictures. They sat closer together, and he began to show her the photos.

“These are my parents,” Renjun gestured to the image in the top left corner. “And that's my grandfather over there.”

She beamed when she noticed a school photo of a younger Renjun on the next page. Glancing up at him, she commented, “I didn't know you had a snaggletooth.”

“Oh, yeah, I did,” Renjun shyly rubbed the back of his neck.

He pointed to his current smile, showing her his perfectly straight teeth. “But I have lingual braces now, so it's not there anymore.”

“But why? You looked so cute!" she said, saving herself from admitting she found him cute no matter what.

He sighed, “Only you would say that. If Haechan saw this, I wouldn't hear the end of it.”

They continued to browse through the photos, and she paused at one page, her thumb resting on a polaroid at the bottom right. A younger Renjun sat on a bench, with a girl beside him.

"Who is this?" she asked in a softer tone, without realizing it.

Renjun gazed at the photograph with a hint of hesitation. Without uttering a word, she could tell that a whirlwind of emotions and memories had unintentionally resurfaced.

“She was my first love back in my hometown,” Renjun sighed. “Our parents were good friends, so we knew each other from a young age.”

“We only dated for a year. But back then, I used to think nothing could ever separate us.” He wore a nostalgic smile that quickly faded. Evidently, his youthful hopes hadn't materialized as he had wished.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” she asked cautiously. Renjun paused and briefly looked at her.

“My dad got a new job here in Seoul, so we moved in the middle of tenth grade,” he explained. “I promised her... I promised her that we could still be together, that we could make it work.”

She could see the regret and sorrow pooling in his eyes. “But the last time we talked, she told me she couldn't handle a long-distance relationship. So she broke up with me.”

That final sentence felt both empty and painful. She couldn't fathom how much he must have suffered. Neither of them spoke for a while, until she mustered the courage to ask how he coped with it all.

“To be honest, it was tough in the beginning,” Renjun admitted. “But recently, I haven't been thinking about her as much.”

She shouldn't have allowed herself to feel hope upon hearing those words. “Have you moved on since then?”

“It still hurts from time to time,” he spoke honestly. “I cared about her a lot.”

“That's understandable,” she whispered. “Do you think you'll ever get over her?”

She tried to read his eyes when he looked back at her, but it was impossible. Instead, he shrugged. “I want to, but I'm not sure if I can.”

From that moment on, she should have given up, knowing that she never had a chance to begin with.

Maybe then, she could have prevented all the heartbreak she had set herself up for.

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She remembered that one morning when she was getting ready for school. As she went to leave her things near the door, she heard her mother's footsteps emerging from the kitchen. Her mother's hair was disheveled, and she had gained weight from all the delivery food she had been eating. She couldn't remember the last time her mother had cooked.

“(Y/n),” her mother reached for her, but she instinctively backed away. The desperation on her mother's face quickly shifted to irritation.

“I'm your mother, I gave birth to you. Is this how you treat me?”

“Eomma—”

But her mother continued, “How awful it is that you've turned out to be just like your abusive father. I can't believe he's brainwashed you.”

Anyone else listening might have thought she was a madwoman. Her mother had become a stranger to her.

“Appa has not abused you. No one is abusing you,” she tried to maintain her patience. “Eomma, you need help. You're not—”

“SHUT UP!” Her mother screamed, causing her to flinch. “You don't know what you're talking about. How dare you disrespect me?”

The heat of anger flushed her face. She yearned to scream back at her mother and tell her to stop, but she knew it would only add fuel to the fire. It wasn't worth it.

Before her mother walked away, she said something that she had been hearing frequently lately. “You know what? Sometimes I wish I wasn't your mother.”

Her fingers curled into fists. Her mom was always adept at being manipulative. As a teenager, she did her best to take her mother's insults maturely. But when someone you love hurls those words at you every day, it slowly chips away at you.

All she could see was red after that argument. She remembered searching for her razor blade and making multiple slashes across her arm when she found it. She didn't care about the stinging pain of the cuts or the fresh, warm blood trickling down her arm. Her thoughts were clouded with fury. She was furious at her mother for behaving like a child and at her father for allowing it to happen. She was furious at herself for not being able to do anything. Every night, she was kept awake by her mother's shouting, harassing her father for no apparent reason.

Trembling with anger, she walked to school. All the pent-up pain and bitterness were bubbling to the surface. She had tried so hard to be strong for her father and everyone else, believing she could handle everything on her own.

By the time she arrived at class that day, she could barely hold herself together. She kept her head down to conceal the evidence of her tears. She took her seat at her desk and tried to regain her composure, determined not to let anyone see the real her, the one filled with bitterness and misery.

“Morning, (Y/n),” she heard his voice calling out to her. Renjun's desk was near the front, by the window, while hers was closer to the back. However, every morning, he would come over to discuss after-school plans or homework.

She hastily wiped away any tears and looked up, forcing a smile to hide her inner turmoil. By eleventh grade, they had become closer since the previous school year. She should have known that Renjun would see right through her. It took just one look for him to sense that something was amiss.

“Something's up. What's wrong?”

Renjun glanced down at her wrist, and she almost gasped when she noticed blood seeping through her uniform sleeve. Blinded by rage, she must have unintentionally cut herself deeper this time.

“(Y/n), what—” He reached for her arm before she could stop him. He paused before gently pulling up her sleeve, revealing the fresh cuts from that morning.

Renjun opened his mouth to say something but remembered they were in a classroom setting. He looked back at her, seeing that all color had drained from her face and her lip began to quiver.

“Come on,” he prompted her, leading her out of the classroom.

“Renjun, where are you taking me?”

“To the nurse's office. Now.”

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She remembered him pulling her into the nurse's office. Despite her protests and attempts to stop walking, he paid no attention and continued. When they arrived, Renjun had her sit down on one of the treatment beds while he retrieved the first aid kit.

As he lifted the rest of her sleeve, she found herself holding her breath. She said nothing as Renjun cleaned and bandaged her wounds, her gaze dropping to her arm. What was once fair in color and smooth was now marred by hideous scars. Most of them were faded white, while some were still pink. The new red marks stood out the most.

Numerous times, Renjun tried to catch her gaze. She could tell he wanted to know what she was thinking. After applying the last bandage and closing the first aid kit, she forced herself to meet his woeful eyes.

“(Y/n)...” He began, uncertainty in his voice. “Whatever you're going through that makes you hurt yourself like this, you can tell me.”

They locked eyes for a brief moment, and she knew she was about to share everything she had been holding back. She loathed showing vulnerability in front of those she cared about. It filled her with a strong sense of self-hatred.

“I... I can't,” she practically whispered.

Renjun was stubborn and wouldn't give up. He placed his hand on hers, gently squeezing it. “You can trust me, I promise.”

She stared at him for a moment before her facade, maintained for months, crumbled. Slowly, she began to confide in Renjun. She told him about her mother's drug problem and how it had nearly bankrupted their family. She spoke of the sleepless nights listening to her mother hurl insults at her father. It was the first time she had shared the news of her parents’ decision to end their disastrous marriage. Finally, she told him about the argument with her mother that morning and the hurtful things her mother had said to her.

“How could a mother say those things to her daughter?” Her voice wavered as she continued, “When I've spent my whole life trying to...hoping for her to love me.”

She waited for Renjun to say something. But he caught her off guard when he reached over and enveloped her in a tight hug. He patted her back gently and assured her that she had every right to be upset.

“Your mom must be crazy not to see how amazing you are,” he said, using his thumb to wipe away her tears. “I'm sorry she said those things to you. You didn't deserve that.”

She sniffed and shook her head. “I don't know why there's still some part of me that expects something from her.”

"It's because you love her and want her to be healthy," Renjun responded.

She lowered her head and admitted, "I guess you're right..."

There was a brief silence between them. Renjun frowned, glancing around the room before standing up. He looked down at her with a mischievous smile.

“Let's get out of here,” he suggested, nodding toward the door.

Her torn expression shifted to a confused one. “Right now? But we have class.”

“That’s fine. We’ll just say you felt sick, and I offered to take you home.”

“So you’re suggesting we skip school?”

“I mean yeah, why not?” Renjun shrugged. “It’s not like they’re going to suspect anything bad from top students like us.”

Her eyebrows lifted in uncertainty. She never thought she would ever hear Huang Renjun suggesting skipping class. She had never in her life done such a thing.

Tired of waiting, he took her hand and pulled her up. “You should go have fun on a day like this. To clear your mind.”

She could feel her heart beating faster when he held her hand. Slightly flustered by the situation, she just nodded and followed him to sneak out of the school grounds. They got on a bus and sat in the back rows. She didn’t bother asking Renjun where they were going. Her mind was still stuck on the fact that she had practically spilled her heart out to the boy next to her. She regretted telling him so much in her emotional state. But he didn’t appear to think any less of her.

Renjun ended up taking her to a small arcade filled with game machines, prizes, and neon lights. “Haechan talks about this place a lot. It’s my first time here, though.”

She chuckled, “He’s going to kill you when he finds out you came here without him.”

“I know,” Renjun said and took her hand again. “Come on, let’s go buy some tokens.”

They played all sorts of games that day, such as racing and shooting ones. She thought she would be bad at the basketball game, but it turned out Renjun was worse than her. She laughed when he got pouty for not being able to score many baskets.

“Oh, over there!” She pointed out. “I’ve always wanted to go to a photobooth with friends.”

Renjun smiled at her sudden excitement. “Let’s go do it, then.”

The two of them went in and paid the machine to take some pictures. In a hurry before the camera started rolling, they picked out accessories for each other. She hoped Renjun didn’t notice the shade of pink on her cheeks as he set a white headband with cat ears on her head. On the other hand, she chose a pair of large daisy-themed sunglasses for him.

Renjun convinced her to try doing different poses. By the time the camera clicked for the last time, both of them were caught up in laughter. To her surprise, the photos came out well. In the last one, she saw Renjun smiling down at her, and she had her hands shaped as a heart. Anyone would have mistaken them for a couple.

She thought they would be done once they were finished with the arcade. But by the time they left, it was late afternoon. She hadn’t even realized the time went by. By then, the school day was already over. She said that they should just go back home now. Renjun looked at her with a slightly worried expression.

“Why don’t we get some ice cream first?” He pointed toward the frozen treat shop across the street. Reluctantly, she agreed and let him lead them to the place.

After getting their ice cream, they sat at one of the two-person tables outside. Subconsciously, she quietly observed him as he ate his green tea flavored ice cream. Why was her heart continuing to beat faster whenever she was around him?

“You should eat yours before it melts,” Renjun pointed out.

She was snapped out of her thoughts and glanced down at the mint-chocolate ice cream cone in her hand. Laughing nervously, she quickly took a small bite. “Oh right.”

Renjun chuckled and picked up the napkin near him. “You have some on your lips.”

Absent-mindedly, he reached over the table to wipe off the remaining cream off her mouth. Her eyes widened when she noticed how close their faces were. When Renjun saw the blush on her face, he coughed and sat back down in his seat.

Once the heat in her cheeks lessened, she took the chance to speak again. “I didn’t get the chance to thank you for today. I’m…I’m sorry about this morning.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Renjun shook his head. “I just—if you ever feel like hurting yourself again…”

He made eye contact with her when he said this, “Come to me, okay? Don’t feel like you have to carry all the burdens on your own.”

When she didn’t say anything, he placed a hand on top of hers. It was the third time he did that today. “I’ll always be here for you, (Y/n)-yah.”

How she wished that she hadn’t taken those words to heart.

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She remembered Haechan narrowing his eyes at her as they waited for Renjun at the library. He seemed as if he was suspecting her of something. She hoped Renjun would come soon to break this weird tension.

“How long are you going to stare at me like that?” She glanced up from her schoolwork.

Ignoring her question, Haechan said, “You and Renjun have been acting strange around each other.”

She laughed incredulously. “What are you talking about?”

“The way you two look at each other is different.” Haechan twirled the pencil in his hands with his fingers. “And you’ve been hanging out a lot. Without me.”

“Haechan, we’re just friends-”

“You like him, don’t you?” Instantly, she froze when he asked. The corner of Haechan’s lips curled upward into a smile.

“I’ll take your silence as a confirmation.”

“How…how did you find out?”

Haechan rolled his eyes as if the answer was obvious. “I’ve known you since kindergarten, Kim (Y/n). Never have I seen you look at a boy before Renjunie.”

It was true. She had no interest in boys unlike the other girls in her class at the time. She was always preoccupied with what was going on at home. Not just with boys, she had never made an effort to make many friends. Her mindset at the time was it was better to be alone, so no one could hurt her. Then Huang Renjun came along and changed everything.

She briefly scanned the library to ensure no one was paying them any mind, before leaning closer to the table. But that didn’t stop her from speaking in a hushed tone.

“You can’t tell him, okay?”

Haechan looked at her quizzically. “You’re not going to confess to him?”

“Why would I? That would be too risky.”

“What’s there to risk?” Her friend tilted his head. “You’re single, he’s single. You like him, and he probably likes you back.”

Shaking her head, “There’s no way he likes me back. I think he’s still stuck on his past relationship.”

“His first love back in China?” Haechan scoffed. “(Y/n), that was so long ago. And you’re here, right in front of him. I think you have a solid chance.”

“It’s not that easy, Haechan. Our whole friendship could be ruined, and I don’t want that to happen.”

The boy frowned at her. “So what? You’re just going to do nothing and watch him go find someone else?”

“Hey, guys! Sorry, I’m late.” A male voice ended their conversation. They looked to see Renjun waving to them and coming to their table.

“What were you guys talking about?” he asked when he sat down.

Before Haechan could answer, she spoke up before him. “We were just talking about the math test tomorrow.”

“Oh right. Let me get out my textbook so we can study.” Renjun reached down for his bag. While doing so, Haechan narrowed his eyes on her again.

He did have a point. She certainly didn’t want to see the boy she liked with someone else. But she was too much of a coward at the time. Confessing to Renjun sounded terrifying just thinking about it. She could never bring herself to do it.

Back then, she should’ve listened to her instincts.

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She remembered frowning at the empty desk in the corner of the room when she entered that morning. For once, there was no Renjun to greet her with his cute smile and wave. That was odd, she thought to herself. He was always in the classroom before her.

When she made her way to her seat, Haechan sat at the desk in front of her. His chin rested in one of his hands as he sulked.

“Our Renjunie is at home with a cold. That’s why he couldn’t come to school today.”

“He caught a cold?” He rarely got sick. But Haechan nodded in confirmation.

“Remember the other day when he forgot to bring an umbrella when it was raining?”

“Oh goodness,” she sighed, worry swirled around her head. “Maybe we should go visit him after school.”

Haechan smiled teasingly and shook his head. “Nah, I don’t want to get in the way of your lovey-dovey moments with him.”

“Lee Haechan!” She lightly pushed his shoulder as he laughed.

“You know, it’s really easy to make you blush? I can only imagine what happens when Renjunie is around.”

She swore, the boy was purposely pushing all her buttons.

Regardless of Haechan’s teasing, she still went to Renjun’s house after school. She had asked the light-haired boy one more time if he wanted to join her. But he said that he had something else to do. Whatever that was.

Anxiously, she made her way up the front steps of his house with a bag in her hand. The school day was killing her, knowing that Renjun was sick and home alone. She had never so badly for classes to be over.

His mom was there to open the door for her. Even though they had been friends for more than a year, it was her first time meeting Renjun’s mother. Immediately she recognized their similar facial features. “Hello, how can I help you?”

Almost forgetting her words, she straightened up her posture and bowed. “I’m so sorry to bother you. But is Renjun home?”

The woman’s face brightened when she said her son’s name. Clasping her hands together, she smiled at her. “You must be that girl he talks about all the time. It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

Her eyes widened when she heard this. Renjun talked about her? To his parents? Before she could muster up a good response, Mrs. Huang was already ushering her inside the house.

“I’m so glad you came,” She said. “My poor son is sick in bed. But I got called into work right now and his father already left in the morning.”

She slipped off her shoes and gave his mother what she hoped to be a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to worry Mrs. Huang. I came to make sure he was okay, so I can help watch over him for you.”

“Oh, that’s so kind of you. Thank you so much,” She squeezed her hands and tried to get a better look at her. “Truly, I’m grateful that Renjun has a friend like you. He was so sad when we first moved here. But now he’s so much happier.”

She recalled the few times when Renjun told her he felt homesick. In the beginning, he told her a lot about his hometown and his childhood there. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to move to a completely different country.

“It’s nothing, really,” She told his mother. “Your son is a great friend of mine. He…he means a lot to me.”

After hearing his mom’s words, she remembered wanting nothing more than to stay by Renjun’s side. She wanted to be there for him, just like he was to her. Even if he never knew about her feelings, she was okay with that.

Ms. Huang thanked her again before she hurriedly left for work. She told her that he was still in bed and his bedroom was on the left side down the hall.

“Renjun?” She knocked before coming into the room. The walls were painted a pale yellow, and there was a window above his desk. His room was neat and simple, like hers.

Renjun lifted his head to see that she had called his name. “(Y/n), what are you doing here?”

She grimaced when she heard him cough. “Your mom just left. I came to drop off your homework and look after you for a bit.”

“Oh��but what if you get sick?”

She smiled at his show of concern. “I should be fine. I have a strong immune system,” she insisted.

He didn’t seem to be very convinced. But he reluctantly laid back on his pillow. She set her school bag down on his desk chair.

“There are some things I have to prepare,” She said, going toward the door. “Just rest here, and I’ll be back in a bit okay?”

Renjun was too tired to protest, so he patiently waited for her to come back. It wasn’t like there was anything else he could do.

Moments later, she returned with a tray that carried a steaming hot bowl of porridge and a cup of tea. The sick boy peered up with a curious look in his eyes.

“This is some congee I made. It’s good to eat warm things when you have a cold,” she explained as she carefully placed the tray on his nightstand. Leaving the drink, she picked up the bowl to give to him.

Renjun smiled, but there was slight guilt in his eyes. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“It’s no big deal,” she said. “I made it the other day when my dad got sick. So I just reheated the leftovers that I had.”

“But still…”

Ignoring his nasally mumbles, she took the spoon and firmly put it in his hands. “You need to eat to get your strength back.”

He accepted the utensil sulkily and weakly took a bite of the food she made. She watched quietly as he ate. His face was paler than usual, and his dark hair was damp from his sickness. She hadn’t imagined a sick Renjun would be so cute. But somehow, she was surprised either way.

She stayed with Renjun the rest of the evening. After helping him take some cold medicine, they moved to the living room and watched some k-dramas on her laptop. Some laughter was exchanged at the funny parts. Occasionally, she heard sniffles at the sadder scenes in the movie. She wasn’t sure if it was Renjun’s symptoms or if he was actually crying. Either way, she pretended she didn’t hear him.

“Gosh, you're burning up,” she said when she placed a hand on his forehead to check his temperature.

She stood up to get a cold wet towel to help him cool down. Sitting back down at the foot of his bed, she leaned over to gently dab the cloth onto his forehead. She could sense Renjun switching from staring at her to glancing over her shoulder. But she pretended not to notice. After a few minutes, she brought her hand down and asked if he felt any better. But he wouldn’t answer.

“Renjun?” He looked back at her and gestured for her hand. He took it and placed her hand over his chest.

“Why do you keep making me feel like this, (Y/n)?”

His words meshed into the other. But she was still able to understand what he was saying. She stared at him in surprise, unable to find an appropriate response.

Renjun pressed his other hand over his eyes in distress. “All I’ve been thinking about lately is you. I swear it’s driving me crazy.”

From hearing this, she was certain that this was just the fever talking. She didn’t want to give herself false hope.

“Renjun, you…should rest. I don’t think you know what you’re saying.” She tried to pry her hand out of his.

Instead of letting her go, she felt his grip tighten around her wrist. Before she could say anything, her body was pulled down into a position where Renjun was right beneath her. She wasn’t sure if the sudden heat she felt came from Renjun’s fever or from how flustered she was at the moment.

“Huang Renjun, what are you—” She tried to escape, but he held her in place. He brought her closer to where their faces were merely inches apart. His steady eyes marveled over her red cheeks and eventually moved down to her lips.

But before she could make another attempt to move off of him, he pulled her down so their lips could meet.

Her eyes were wide open when she processed what was happening. He had single-handedly taken her first kiss, and she wasn’t sure how to take it at the time.

Little passion was felt in the kiss. But there was so much yearning and desire. When she let go of any resistance and closed her eyes, she felt herself melting into his touch. This… is something that she wasn’t aware she had wanted. I mean, what girl wouldn’t want to be kissed by the boy she liked?

Before the things could go any further, Renjun released his hands off her neck and fell back. He had dozed off in the next second, leaving her to be baffled by the situation.

She couldn’t recall what happened after. All she could remember was waking up the next morning on Renjun’s couch with a dark blue blanket covering her. Slowly, she sat up and saw Renjun exiting a room.

“Oh, you’re awake!” He looked slightly better than he did the other day, but still a little pale. Self-consciously, she straightened her clothes and patted down her hair as he came to sit beside her.

“Wha-what time is it?” She sat up and reached for her phone to look at the clock. 10:15 am.

Renjun chuckled, “It’s a good thing it’s Saturday.”

Warily, she placed her phone back down on the table in front of them. She looked at the boy beside her for a moment, wondering how to bring up the events that occurred the night before. She must’ve fallen asleep late, overthinking everything. If Renjun kissed her, that had to mean he felt something for her, right? Or were his actions from him being delirious?

“Renjun, about yesterday…” She started.

His eyes lit up, “Oh right. I can’t thank you enough for staying and taking care of me. My mom told me to say thank you to her. She and my dad have already left for work.”

“Oh…it was nothing,” she shook her head. “But I’m talking about when you-”

Renjun leaned back on the couch and sighed, “Ugh I hadn’t been that sick in a long time. Honestly, some of the things from yesterday are hazy to me.”

Her eyes blinked in confusion. “Do…do you not remember what happened last night then?”

The boy furrowed his brows as he tried to think back. Seconds later he snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. The ice towel you used really helped to bring my fever down. I wanted to thank you for that too.”

So he didn’t remember kissing her. Any hopes she had of Renjun might share the same feelings as she dissolved in an instant. Those optimistic feelings were replaced by perplexity and dismay.

Stupid, foolish girl. She was such an idiot to have such thoughts to begin with.

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She remembered the astounded look on Haechan’s face when she glumly told him about what happened. They had met up at a café later that afternoon.

“He what?!” The boy across from her nearly jumped out of his chair.

She shot him a nervous glare, “Haechan! Can you please just sit back down?”

“Sorry, let me get this straight.” He thankfully did as she asked. “You were taking care of Renjun, and he kissed you. But he doesn’t remember it?”

She dropped her head and nodded gloomily. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Are you sure he forgot?” Haechan asked.

“I don’t know. If he didn’t, he obviously wants to pretend it never happened,” she said, poking at the straw in her drink. Hearing herself say that only left her feeling more depressed.

Haechan sighed and gave her a look of slight concern. “(Y/n), I really think you should just tell Renjun about your feelings.”

“Haechan…”

“I’m being serious! At this point, you should just go for it,” he sat up in his seat. “What could possibly go wrong other than him saying no?”

She had sworn to herself that she would never confess to Renjun. Even if there was a small chance he might like her in return, she was too scared to risk it. He meant too much to her to lose him because of her selfishness.

“If Renjun rejects me, he’ll feel bad and have a hard time.” Her shoulders faltered. “I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable because of me.”

Haechan crossed his arms, “But that might never happen. Coming from experience, it’s better to just confess your feelings and be done with it. Things might not go the way you want. But you’ll feel better after.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she fumbled with the paper wrapping from her straw.

Haechan smirked, “Of course, I am. I’m always right.”

“Yeah, and what experience do you have?” She questioned, referring to his prior words. In response, he put a finger to his mouth as a motion for her not to comment further.

“Just trust me, okay?”

She dwelled on what Haechan said for a bit. Honestly, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could go being around Renjun without her heart exploding. Especially after they kissed. How long was she going to let herself live like this?

So for once and all, she followed Haechan’s advice and chose one day to confess.

She had to show that she wasn’t a coward and be a little braver for once. It was the most determined she had ever been about something. She was finally going to confront her feelings.

At least she thought she was.

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She remembered it was the beginning of autumn when she asked Renjun to meet her at the park one day. Aside from that, she had been trying to get out of the house more often. Things with her parents were still rocky. Being at school and spending time with friends allowed her to stop thinking about it all for a little while.

But that day was different. When she had finally decided to face her fears and just tell Renjun how she felt. She was beyond nervous, unable to keep her legs from shaking as she waited for him to arrive. She had repeated everything she was going to say numerous times the night before.

Having never confessed to a boy before, she spent the past few nights searching for tips on what she should do. There was one site that said you should dress up for these occasions. So foolishly, she spent almost an hour picking the right outfit and makeup. She hoped Renjun wouldn’t find her being too obvious.

Before she could chicken out, she saw him walking down the street to see her. He was wearing a smile. She didn’t think about it then. But his smile wasn’t bright like the normal ones he showed her. This one was filled with slight apprehension.

“Hey (Y/n),” He came to her with hands in the pockets of his jacket. “What did you want to do today?”

There was no way for her to back out anymore. “Actually Renjun, there’s something I want to tell you.”

“Oh really? I have something to tell you too,” Renjun scratched the back of his head. She was curious as to what he had to say. For a second she forgot about her plan.

They stared at each other awkwardly until Renjun cleared his throat. “You—you can go first if you want.”

“Oh okay.” Tensely, her grip on the strap of her purse tightened. She told herself that she could do this. It was Renjun, after all. Why did she make this so hard for herself?

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to meet his eyes. “You see, there’s something I’ve been hiding from you.”

Renjun looked at her with slight concern, “Hiding from me? (Y/n), you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know, I know. That’s why I’m telling you today because I don’t think I can keep it in anymore,” She said. Here goes nothing, she remembered thinking to herself.

“Renjun, I like—”

“Huang Renjun!” She was stopped by an unfamiliar female voice from behind her. As she started to process her failed attempt to confess, she watched a look of astonishment appear on Renjun’s face.

She turned to see a girl about their age with short light-brown hair, wearing a yellow sweater over a white skirt. She ran over to embrace the boy in front of her.

For a moment, Renjun seemed to be at a loss for words. Then he slowly hugged her back and a name rolled off his tongue. “Xiaomi?”

She held him closer to her. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I—I don’t understand. What are you doing here?” He pulled away. Surprise and bewilderment were still evident in his expression.

Every ounce of glee was pouring from her eyes. “I couldn’t stand us being so far apart. It took me a while, but I convinced my parents to move us here.”

“But…but how?”

“Your father talked with mine and helped him secure a job at the same company,” She replied. “I’ll be going to the same school as you too!”

(Y/n) stood there like a fool. They were speaking in Chinese. But it didn’t take an idiot to understand the situation. She was his first love. The one he told her about. She was here, she had come for him. And (Y/n) was just…there.

Renjun didn’t respond and glanced back at her. Finally, the girl turned to look at her. It turned out that she also knew how to speak Korean. But hers wasn’t nearly as good as Renjun’s.

“Is this a friend of yours?”

Suddenly snapping out of his daze, “Y-yeah. This is Kim (Y/n). (Y/n), this is Xu Xiaomi.”

Swallowing this whole new feeling of heartbreak, (Y/n) forced a smile on her face. “Renjun told me about you.”

Xiaomi beamed, “He did? How sweet.”

She looked back at Renjun and clasped her hands together. “Isn’t this great, Renjun? We can finally be together now!”

“I think I’ll get going now,” She bowed her head. She didn’t think she could stand to watch any longer.

Renjun called out to her but she pretended not to hear him. She woke up that day, barely ready for rejection. So many scenarios she had gone through and prepared what to say. But she didn’t expect that to happen.

Yet, she had no idea that there would be more pain to come.

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She remembered Xiaomi being introduced to their homeroom the next Monday. She kept exchanging glances with Renjun throughout the class. She could hear Haechan, who was a few seats behind her, making gagging noises at the couple.

She hadn’t spoken much to Renjun since that day at the park. She wasn’t sure which was worse, losing the one chance she had to confess to her crush or witnessing him be reunited with his past lover.

“Are you going to eat your tonkatsu?” Haechan pointed his chopsticks to her lunch, snapping her out of her brief daze.

He was trying to act like everything was normal. But she could tell he was holding back what he truly wanted to say. Although Renjun or Xiaomi wouldn’t have heard him anyway, since they hadn’t arrived at the cafeteria yet.

When he asked, she pushed her tray toward the boy. “Have it all.”

Her appetite had been lost over the past few days. Not only because of Renjun, she just had this mild pain in her head. Maybe her body was finally breaking from all the emotions she had been trying to hide.

Before Haechan could question her, she stood up from her seat. “I’m going to go back to the classroom for a bit. There’s an assignment I want to get ahead on.”

When she approached their classroom, she saw Renjun and Xiaomi through the window. She was near the door, but they couldn’t see her. She didn’t know why she was inclined to stay. She wasn’t there at the beginning of the conversation. But she had heard the rest of it.

“Tell me the truth, Renjun. Who is Kim (Y/n) to you?” Xiaomi asked. She was no longer smiling brightly.

Immediately (Y/n) was alerted when she heard her name. When did she become the subject?

“Xiaomi…”

She frowned at him in dissatisfaction. “I saw the way you looked at her. Do you not love me anymore?”

“What? No!” Renjun denied. He quickly grabbed Xiaomi’s hands and held them.

She wasn’t prepared to hear what he said next. “Honestly, (Y/n) is just a friend of another friend I made here, and we’ve hung out a few times. She…she means nothing to me.”

“Are you sure?”

He gently lifted her chin and kissed her reassuringly before murmuring. “Yes.”

(Y/n)'s hand reached to cover her mouth, as she started to back away. A sob climbed up her throat. But she was already running before they could hear her. She couldn’t stop thinking about how naive she had been. How stupid she was.

To ever think for even a moment, that she would ever mean something to someone.

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She remembered her dad mentioning that he wanted to move back to Busan. After she had been born out of wedlock, he moved from his hometown to be with her mother in Seoul. Now that the divorce was almost finalized, there was nothing here for him anymore.

At first, she was against the idea. She didn't want to leave her friends and school. But as she thought about it more, she started to think that maybe it was for the best. She didn't think she could ever look at Renjun the same again. Not after he said those things. Yet there was this part of her that still harbored feelings for him. It left her more devastated than anything. Was she really nothing to him?

She was so sick of it all. But before she could leave everything behind, there was something she wanted to do first.

↣ ↢

Haechan was the only person she told that she was moving. She asked him not to tell any of their other friends, especially Renjun.

Surprisingly, Haechan was a lot more understanding than she expected. But he didn't hold back his anger when she told him about what she had heard the other day.

“Damn. That son of a-”

She nearly hit him for swearing. “Lee Haechan! He's still your best friend.”

“I don't care if he is!” Haechan saw the distress in her eyes and sighed. “Okay, I'm sorry. But I still think he was an a**hole to say those things.”

Hating to admit, she kind of had to agree with him. Maybe Renjun wasn't the person she thought he was.

“Thank you, for being there when I needed it,” she said, avoiding eye contact.

The boy waved his hand dismissively, “You're lucky to have such a smart and loyal friend like me.”

Of course, he still maintained that ego of his. But then Haechan placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sincere look.

“Hang in there, kid,” He said with a proud smile on his face. “I'm sure things will get better for you.”

“We're the same age, Haechan.”

“Shush, don't ruin the moment.”

She shook her head and laughed. Despite everything, it was still nice to know that there was still one person by her side. The past version of her would have never even imagined being friends with someone like Haechan.

But on multiple levels, life had done its best to prove her wrong.

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At the end of the month, their homeroom teacher had an announcement for the class in the morning. But all Renjun could think about was the empty desk in the back center of the room. (Y/n) hadn't been at school this past week. Multiple attempts he had made to call and text her. But there was no response. It was almost as if she had disappeared all of a sudden.

“I know some of you may be wondering about your classmate that has been missing,” the teacher looked around the students. “I came to tell you that Kim Y/n is no longer a student at this school and has moved away.”

The sound of gasps and murmurs erupted among the class. Renjun shook his head, unable to believe the news. No, it couldn’t be true. Why would she leave without saying anything?

“Where did she move to?” One person asked. Renjun looked at his teacher with hope in his eyes.

But the man shook his head and stepped away from the podium. “I can't disclose that information, for her privacy's sake. That's all I have for today. Get ready for your English class.”

When the teacher left, Renjun turned to find Haechan. He didn't seem the slightest bit surprised by this news. He had to know something.

“Where is (Y/n)?” His friend only responded with a glare.

“Lee Haechan!” Renjun's fingers curled into fists, quick to resort to anger.

Haechan shook his head and brought a light purple envelope from his bag. Without looking at him, he gestured for Renjun to take it. “She asked me to give you this.”

He hesitated before adding, “She should be at the train station. But she doesn't leave until half an hour from now. That's all I'm telling you.”

The envelope crinkled in Renjun's hands. He heard Xiaomi call his name. But he was already out the door, running out of school and catching a taxi. He had to find Y/n. He didn't care about the consequences.

Nothing else was on his mind except for her.

┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦

Dear Renjun,

A part of me hopes you will never read this. But if you are, that must mean things didn’t work out the way I had planned. And the purpose of this letter has changed from what it was originally supposed to be.

I know in our day and age that letters are old-fashioned. But I still loved the idea of them. I am writing you this letter because I am not brave enough to face you in person. I haven’t been truthful to you about some things. So here I want to clarify them. I hope you don’t mind.

I don’t remember how it exactly happened. But I’ve liked you for some time now. I think it was that day when I saw you helping that lady cross the street. I guess I’m someone who is easily swayed by kindness.

However, I didn’t realize my feelings until the day you learned about my secrets. That was when I knew I couldn’t keep myself from falling anymore. When we used to study together and hang out in the summer, I was the happiest I had ever been. I should thank you for that.

You had gotten out of a serious relationship and I wasn’t looking to date. I thought I was content with just being friends.

Then on the day you were sick, we kissed. Maybe you didn’t remember. Or maybe you didn’t want to. It was probably some mistake to you. Yet for a second, I thought there was a chance you liked me too. But I was very wrong about that, wasn’t I?

I know I mean nothing to you. But to me, you meant everything. You were the first person who knew my secret and comforted me. You made me feel like I didn’t have to hurt alone anymore.

I may not be your first love, Renjun, But you were mine. And I want nothing more than happiness and success in your future. Seriously, do something that makes you happy. Not because of any standards that are put on us, or the pressure that you give yourself. I hope that you can find your dream again and to someday see you shine brighter than anyone else.

Obviously, you don’t have to listen to me. But these were the things I wanted to say to you without any more regrets.

Sincerely, Kim (Y/n)

The letter crumpled in Renjun’s shaky hands. He looked at the taxi driver with desperation. “Ahjeossi, please hurry!” He anxiously sat back in his seat.

So she did hear what he said that day. Why, why did he lie? Why had he been so foolish?

When he finally got to the train station, Renjun sprinted inside only to be crowded by the other people passing by. He tried his best to get through briskly.

“(Y/n)!” He called out as if he was insane. “Kim (Y/n)!”

He could care less about the people who gave him odd stares. His mind was focused on getting to her. He ran to find the public transport timetable. His eyes darted across the board and found the departures.

10:44 BUSAN KTX DELAY: 0 min

He was too late. She was gone, leaving him in his regrets and despair. The boy fell to his knees as tears streamed down his face.

“Please…please come back, (Y/n),” Renjun cried, “Don’t go, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

He knew that she couldn’t hear him. Every word that came out of his mouth was futile. She could not see him right now. But if she did, she would’ve run back to embrace him and tell him not to cry.

All he could do was bang his fists on the ground, pathetically. “(Y/n), I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.”

He said this, even though she was never his and he was never hers. This pain was worse than when Xiaomi had broken up with him. He didn’t think he would ever be able to move on from it. There were so many words that he wanted to say to her. Words that he should’ve said to her before. Most importantly,

“I love you.”

┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦

{ five years later }

Here she was again, standing before him after not seeing each other since the eleventh grade. But she wasn’t alone.

“Hey, everyone. It's been a while,” she still seemed shy, but more reassured.

That was when his eyes found the person holding her hand. He was tall, handsome with jet black hair and a face that could charm anyone. If Renjun saw him in any other setting, he would have assumed he was some playboy. But in this case, the guy was looking at Y/n with tenderness in his eyes. Anyone would be able to tell he was completely enamored with her from just one glance.

Coincidentally, she met Renjun's eyes when she introduced the person next to her. “This is Na Jaemin—my boyfriend.”

“Wah, he's so handsome!” Her friends were awed as if he wasn't standing right there.”You found yourself a good one, Y/n!”

All Renjun could do was sit back and listen to the others asking how the two met and how long they'd been dating. He thought he should feel angry or betrayed. But for some reason, he didn't feel those things.

“Renjun, you should sing something for us,” Haechan said later in the night. He gestured to the small stage near the back.

“I don't know, guys…”

“Oh come on,” one classmate begged. “Just one song?”

Eventually, Renjun gave in knowing it was the only way for them to stop asking. In the next few seconds, the singer found himself getting out of his seat and getting up on stage. He adjusted the microphone stand and connected his phone to the speaker.

Tightening his grip as the music started to play, inadvertently they made eye contact again. At just one glance, so many emotions swelled in his heart. Without her, he would've ignored his passion and moved on to live a meaningless life. But thanks to (Y/n), he was able to find his dream again and go after it.

Never would he forget how he hurt her with his foolish words. The song he was about to sing was chosen especially for her.

“Why do I get sulky so easily? Am I this pathetic because of my small heart?” He started to sing, tightly gripping onto the mic stand. “Don’t go, I know I was a bit too much. Can you forgive me for being regretful again?”

As a professional, Renjun did his best to keep his voice stable, but it wasn’t easy. This song was written for her. He didn't know if she had heard it before. But he hoped it could convey the feelings he wasn't able to before.

Kim (Y/n), who he loved. Kim (Y/n), who he had hurt and brought him so much regret.

The same heartache he was feeling earlier returned as he sang the chorus, “Tell me, why I let you down? Any chance I get I'm breaking down.”

“I know it's my fault, but why is it so hard? To tell you that I'm sorry, heart.” His gaze remained fixed on her as the lyrics gracefully flowed from his lips.

There was loud applause when Renjun finished the song. But he couldn't enjoy it. He just wanted to see her reaction. She was smiling at him with tears glistening in her eyes. That was all the approval Renjun needed.

When the event was over, he went outside in hopes to talk to her. His feet stopped moving when he found her standing under a large tree nearby. She was talking to Jaemin, who had his back toward him. She laughed at something he said.

Then a few moments later, the man took a small box out of his jacket pocket. Renjun watched as her eyes lit up in the utmost surprise. Renjun couldn't hear the conversation. But he was there when she mouthed the word “yes” and to see them warmly hug each other after.

Still, in her partner's embrace, she met Renjun's gaze once more. He knew that she was content by the way she smiled at him.

And he couldn't help but smile back. Was he envious? Of course, he was. He would do almost anything to be in that man’s place. However, nothing could be done or changed.

He was happy for her because she was happy. No words could be exchanged. But none needed to be said. Their story had ended a long time ago.

They were living in reality, not some cliché world where everyone got their happy ending.

Where having a first love didn't necessarily guarantee they would be their last. But that didn't mean finding happiness was not achievable.

77 notes · View notes

glamourizz · 9 days ago

Text

to my first... || l.mk

themes: friends, unrequited love, angst

warnings: gets sad, angsty, mentions of slight bullying

word count: 4.9k

based on a true story....

dedicated to the boy i should've told "I love you" to when I had the chance. my first love.

✒️✒️✒️

August 2008.

The warm summer air was no longer as prominent as it was a few weeks back. The chill in the air hit your tanned cheeks as you chattered away with the girl sitting next to you. It wasn't a big surprise to anyone seeing you beaming with happiness on the first day of school in contrast to the gloomy faces around you, bummed about the end of their summer holidays.

"Honestly, I am a little upset none of my friends are in the same class as me but hey! At least we have each other right." You smiled at the girl in front of you who smiled right back at you.

The teacher striding in cut your conversation short. A young boy trailed behind her looking confused and out of place.

"Good morning, children!" The teacher beamed up at everyone. "We have a new addition to our class this year. Introduce yourself!"

The boy looked around at us before gulping and muttering, "Hi, I'm Mark Lee. I used to study at Clover Elementary School and I'm 9 years old."

The teacher patted him on the back and guided him to his seat, two benches away from yours.

"Why did you switch schools?" One of your classmates asked echoing everyone's thoughts.

"My old school started an hour earlier than here." He said sheepishly making everyone laugh out loud.

You stared at the boy, a little shorter than you.

He was interesting.

December 2008.

As Christmas was right around the corner, the school and all its inhabitants were shivering with excitement-more with the prospect of holidays than with the festival itself but no one would admit it- and that meant classroom activities.

This year the students were tasked with making paper wreaths to decorate their lockers with. You and your mum spent the day before searching the web for all kinds of creative wreaths you could make and ended up deciding on an origami one.

The class was all busy decorating their own wreaths, giggling, and chattering away with their friends nearby.

"Hey, could you lend me a pair of scissors I forgot mine at home?" Mark asked the boy sitting next to him.

"Sorry, I don't have one." The boy said clearly hiding the scissor in his pocket. "Maybe Y/N can help you?"

Mark turns towards you looking expectantly.

"Sure", you shrug handing over your scissor.

He uses it before giving it back muttering a small thanks

A few minutes later he asks for your glue and a few minutes later asks for your scissors again.

"Did you even come prepared?" You ask him joking.

"I'll be honest. I completely forgot this was today." He whispered making you giggle.

"Oh wow! Your cheeks get really chubby when you smile." He tells you as you turn beet red.

The boy sitting between the two of you snickers. "Yeah, you should lose weight, Y/N."

Mark frowns lightly. "It's cute though," he mumbles under his breath to himself.

But you heard him and you couldn't help but smile at him.

He's nice.

September 2009.

Mark was sitting right behind you this year and you were relieved you had someone in your class this year that you know. You did not want to go through finding a new friend to hang out with again this year.

The two of you would get along well. Top of the class always competing over who would get a higher grade.

"You are a VIP," Mark tells you one day with a mischievous smile.

"What does VIP mean?" You ask genuinely confused.

"Very Idiotic Person." He snickered at you as your face contorts into an offended look.

You raise your hand calling for the teacher. "He is calling me a VIP," you whine when the teacher comes over to your seat.

"Isn't that a good thing?" She asks you looking over at Mark who had his "good boy" smile on.

"He says it means a Very Idiotic Person," you exclaim making the teacher let out a quiet laugh before half-heartedly scolding Mark who was still smiling ear to ear.

"Why are you so mean to me?" You ask him frowning.

"It's fun teasing you. You get cute." He explains leaving you with a small pout on your face as he lets out an endeared laugh.

You couldn't help but laugh along with him.

He was funny, sometimes.

January 2010.

Everyone was half asleep on the first day after Christmas break. Who in the right mind thought it was completely reasonable to wake up children early in the morning and put them all together expecting them to be productive?

"I have decided on the class president and the vice president for this semester," the teacher announced making all the students perk up. "Congratulations Y/N for becoming the class president and Mark for becoming the vice president. Come here and collect your badges."

You let out the brightest smile and walk over to the teacher to collect your badge smirking at Mark as you pass him.

A silent boast of achievement. You were the President and he was the vice president. You had power over him. He rolled his eyes at you. It was a healthy competition. It always had been.

The teacher soon left the class and you were in charge of maintaining discipline in class. As you stood up from your seat a paper plane went swooshing right in front of your eyes. You looked around trying to figure out who did it. And you were met with Mark looking at you with guilty eyes.

"You can't do that. Flying paper Planes is against the class rules. You are the Vice President!" You scold him frowning.

"Please. You are upset because you don't know how to make a paper plane." He smirks at you.

"So what?" You glower at him.

"Sit down. I'll teach you." He says before moving over to your seat crouching down and teaching you how to fold the paper.

You turn over to him to remind him they had a class to monitor but all you saw was his focused side profile and in that moment all words left your mouth flying away along with the paper planes your classmates threw around.

He was really handsome.

February 2011.

A year older. In the same class again. You had joked with Mark about how he was following you around like a duckling. He had laughed before jokingly calling himself your personal stalker leaving you giggling.

It was also the year he got a little more popular. You were friends but you knew he was good-looking. A little too good-looking if you were being honest with yourself. He got himself, new friends, and so did you.

It wasn't a big deal. You were never in the same friend circle. You had always had your own friend groups but his new friends did hurt you a bit.

They were the same ones who would pass comments whenever you were around.

"God, I really don't want to sit next to her." Your seatmate complains to her friend as you sit right beside her.

"Can't you go and tell the teacher you want to sit somewhere else?" Her best friend tells you a little annoyance in her tone.

"I don't know if I can do that." You respond back with a tight smile making the two girls sigh rolling their eyes at you before going back to their conversation.

You looked over to Mark who had just entered the class and was now making conversation with the girl and her best friend. He saw you looks at you and gives you a light nod. You smile back at him.

He was a little aloof.

March 2011.

You were hanging out by the lockers with your girlfriends during the break. They were all gushing about the boy band named One Direction or whatever.

You were just about to joke about them being boy crazy and how you didn't get the hype around the group but before you could utter a word, Mark walked in with his friends smiling at you and your friends.

"Hey, Mark. You said you liked One Direction, right?" One of your friends asked him.

"Oh, yeah. I love 'What makes you beautiful" He said.

"Oh my god, really? Me, too." You squeal not knowing what possessed you to lie out of nowhere. You hadn't even heard their music before!

"They are so good, right!" He exclaims with the biggest smile on his face making your heart beat so fast all you could do was nod your head. You knew you stutter like an idiot if you said a word.

That night you spent the night under the covers with your earphones in your ears listening to every song One Direction had released on repeat, occasionally popping out of the covers to see if your mom walked in.

He had good taste.

May 2011.

As the academic year was coming to an end, the teacher's kept piling on homework, assignments, and projects.

You were tasked with making a science project on the ill effects of pollution. You were in the group with the smartest girl in class, Mark, and a few other classmates. The leader being the smart girl was assigned with planning out the project.

And that was when you realized academically gifted did not equal having common sense. The teachers loved her draft and encouraged you all to work on it but you found it a bit impractical.

As days passed on, Mark, too, realized how incredibly difficult it was to bring her draft to life. All the while, the rest of your teammates conveniently gave up on the project whilst your dear leader refused to meet up outside of school.

Deciding to take matters into your own hands, you went up to Mark ignoring his friends who were hooting at the two of you as you ask him to come over to your place so you could do the project yourself.

You met up with him the next day an hour after school ended. Your mum, a craft enthusiast, helping you throughout.

"Mark, how much did you score in Math?" She asked him.

"Oh, 19/20" he answered proudly.

"And how much did you score?" Your mum asks you.

"16," you mumble a little upset.

Your mum just hums and goes back to instructing the two of you.

An hour. later you realize you might need some more stationary. Mark and you go to a nearby store to buy more paper and some paints.

"16 is not a bad score, you know?" he says quietly picking up two bottles of paint trying to make out the difference.

"Says you. You scored a 19." You mutter.

"So what?" He looks into your eyes dropping both bottles of paint in a basket. "It's just a practice test. It won't count in the future."

"What do you wanna be when you grow up?" You ask him as the two of you walk towards the billing counter.

"I wanna be a scientist. Do something to help people." He says as the two of you pay for the supplies before leaving the store.

"What about you?" He looks at you and you could swear you saw sparkles in his eyes.

"I want to be a doctor." You state with confidence. "The one that treats mentally sick."

"A Psychiatrist?" He asks making you nod. "They don't make much money though."

"So what?" You mimic the words he had said earlier making him smile.

That night as your mum put you to bed, she smiled at you before leaving the room and asked, "Is there anyone from school that you like?"

You laughed at her trying to rid your brain of all the thoughts of Mark that popped up.

He was the one you liked.

June 2011.

The academic year was ending in a week and that meant class trips. It was the one event of the year all students waited for.

Ever since you had the realization that you might like Mark, your brain had been a big big mess. It was only your luck that with finals coming up the interactions between the two of you had come to the bare minimum and you were grateful. Your mind was a mess every time he was around you.

You wanted to confide in someone but you didn't know to who you could tell this. In the end, you decided, you were going to confess.

He was your friend the worse that could happen was he'd want to be only friends. You'd deal with it when the time comes.

It was the day of the trip. Everyone was vibrating with excitement. For once your bags were laden with food and games instead of textbooks.

"I heard Mark is going to confess to Pearl today. He said he was going to ask her to go on the Ferris wheel with her and then he'd ask her out. He even got her a bar of expensive chocolate." A friend of yours turned around to tell you and your seatmate.

Your seatmate and you exchanged a look before she shrugged and turned around.

You'd be lying if you weren't a little hurt.

You knew Pearl. She was your friend. Not the closest but you were friends nonetheless. And you could see why Mark liked her, she was pretty. Albeit not the prettiest girl in class but definitely way prettier than you.

How stupid of you to believe you had a chance!

Yet, a small part of your heart hoped all of this was just a rumor.

But it wasn't. You knew that as you saw Pearl walk onto the bus after your trip with a shy smile on her face and a large bar of chocolate in her hand as her friends giggle and Mark's friends pat his back while he blushes.

You cried so hard that night. You knew you were being irrational.

He was so inconsiderate.

January 2012.

You had no idea how the rumor started about you having a crush on Sam, one of your classmates, but it was getting out of hand.

"Okay, I dare you to go outside the class and jiggle your boobs." The girl sitting in front of you said making you laugh awkwardly.

"Hell no, I'm not doing that." You say chuckling as your eyes dart to the ground.

"Yeah, your tummy will be the one jiggling anyway," she said poking your stomach as she and her friend start laughing mad high fiving each other.

You unknowingly tuck in your stomach and leaned forward to try and hide your abdomen.

"Okay, go tell Sam that you love him." She orders you.

You knew this was better than doing whatever embarrassing ideas they had in their brains.

You slowly walk up to Sam and it was only when you were right beside him that you realise all of his friends were there.

'This is so embarrassing,' you think. Confessing to a guy you don't even like just because you are too cowardly to tell people it isn't Sam you like but Mark.

"I….I..um-" You try to spit out.

"What?" He asks you looking between you and his friends.

"I like you." You said before dashing out of the classroom before anyone could process what had just happened.

When you came back a few minutes later, the whole class was hooting at the two of you.

"You shouldn't have said anything. If it was a dare, you could've skipped it. Why do you have to embarrass us both?" Sam whispered harshly looking at you with disgust as you walk past him.

You didn't like him but it still stung.

That day as you were walking out of the school campus Mark rushed over to you.

"Did you really confess to Sam?" He asked amused.

"Go away!" You mutter at him before leaving.

"Aww look at you having a crush on Sam. That's cute." He snickered before walking over to his friends including Sam.

He was so gullible.

November 2012.

The new academic year saw a big hit in your social life after Confessiongate with Sam.

The only thing you looked forward to was having Mark in your class again and if you played your cards right. Everything would go back to how it was before. The way it was intended to be.

Mark and you sharing unfunny jokes and competing over who scored higher on the latest class test.

Everything would go back to normal. Yall would have your silly yet deep conversations and you would no longer freeze if anyone in the 10 mile radius mentions his name.

The only downside? You had severely underestimated the change in the dynamics of your friendship.

Mark was no longer a 10 year old geek calling you some stupid non offensive insult. He was a teenage boy. And like all teenage boys, he did teenage boy things.

Like thinking and talking about girls all day long. Spending more time looking and grasping at potential date opportunities then spending time doing his homework.

The both of you were on opposite sides of the school hierarchy. He had his popular friends and you were a known loser. He only socialized with those that would rather be caught dead then fraternizing with your type.

The not so attractive slightly nerdy students.

But you did have a minor glow up. Maybe now the two of you could go back to being friends. You didn't expect him to like you back.

All you wanted now was him to have a normal conversation that was not "Excuse me".

You had hoped he wouldn't notice his new found popularity and pretend you never existed but he did much to your dismay.

"Aww, I scored better than you. Look!" You had boasted with a smile handing him the paper. He had only scored a point less than you but that's how things had always been. Reading each other over who did better.

"Whatever. Why do you care so much?" He sneered in annoyance before walking off.

The smile on your face dropped instantly. You knew it was stupid to hope for things to go back to the way it was but you hadn't expected such a cold response.

He had changed.

January 2013.

It was just another day. You were having a mindless chat with your friend. Being 13 year old girls, the conversation automatically ended up about boys and crushes.

"You really had a crush on Sam? He is as dumb as a bolt!" Your friend exclaimed.

You contemplated whether or not to come clean to her. You had grown quite close to her and considered her one of your more trustworthy friends.

"I never liked him. It was just a rumor." You clarified.

"Then why did you confess to him?" She asked confused.

'Whats the worse that could happen?' you thought and decided to tell her.

"I liked someone else but I was scared to tell anyone. I just kept quiet and let people assume whatever." You whispered.

"Oh my god who was it?" She asked her curiosity now through the roof.

"I'll tell you if you tell me who you have a crush on now." You struck a deal.

"Fine. He's in our class right now. He is smart. He is good-looking. And he wears the cutest glasses." She said flustered at the thought of her crush.

The only boy you knew in class that was good looking and smart was Mark. Not that you had even laid your eyes on other boys.

"Mark?" You asked as a joke secretly hoping she said no.

"Yeah." She whispered back. "Now tell me who did you actually like?"

You not your lip. "Mark."

The both of you sat in silence for a few seconds and then burst out laughing.

What a coincidence!

A few days passed and the situation that seemed funny earlier did not evoke the same feelings as you saw your friend get close to him.

Mark and you drifted apart and he became closer to your friend.

You went from having little conversation to practically being non existent to him.

It filled you with envy. Why did he give every girl a shot at the love story you so wished to have with him? Every girl except you?

He was a real heartbreaker.

February 2014.

You were finally secure in your life. You had a support system. Friends who understood you.

You opened up to them about Mark and they understood. You finally felt at peace.

You had left the chapter of his behind you. That was until Mark got himself a new girlfriend.

You never understood how they met. They were polar opposites.

Mark was academically driven. She was failing a vast majority of her classes.

Mark didn't have a single artistic bone in his body. She was an aspiring actor.

You wished you could hate her. But every single negative thought that passed your mind just seemed like envy and insecurity.

She was pretty in a conventional yet underrated way. She was so petite. She didn't talk too loud or eat like a man or laugh with her mouth open.

She was elegant and graceful and everything you were not. It was a cold and unfriendly reminder that you were not and never will be Mark's type.

He was unreachable.

October 2014.

Mark and his girlfriend were going on strong. They were a power couple in school.

And it took every single ounce of strength and sanity in you to not have a mental breakdown every time you saw the two of them together.

They were such an unlikely pair yet it made so much sense.

They made so much sense.

Seeing them and knowing you could never have something as romantic and pure as them.

She and Mark had been caught kissing in an empty classroom.

When you first heard about it, you refused to believe it. You were so incredibly jealous of her. She was living your dream.

But you couldn't help but feel bad for her. The entire ordeal ended up with her being slutshamed by classmates and teachers alike.

You felt really bad. Despite wanting to hate her you couldn't bring yourself to do so. The students would pass comments everytime she was around. The teachers were no different.

"Maybe if you focussed less on finding abandoned places to kiss boys and more in class maybe you would score more." A teacher had said in class.

"Ma'am I will respectfully ask you to apologize to her. We agree what we did was wrong. But there is no need to shame her in front of class." Mark had stood up and spoken loudly.

The entire room shut up instantly. No one had expected him to do that. Standing up for his girlfriend in a very Asian school. The teacher and he went back and forth until the teacher fed up left the class.

You always respected him. But the level of respect you had for him after seeing what he did for his girlfriend transcended any emotion you were feeling in the moment.

And it only made you fall for him more.

He was a good boyfriend.

June 2015.

Academic stress had hit an all time high. You had no time to ponder over what Mark was doing. All his friends were transferring to new schools. And you assumed he would do the same.

You were shocked to walk in class on the first day and sitting on the first seat talking to another boy excitedly.

You cover your face and speed to the back of the class.

He was in everyone of your classes. The fact made you more anxious than giddy like it did a few years ago.

The stress about your future added with the stress of your forever crush being in your presence all day long was paralyzing.

A small part of you wished he would turn around and greet you but he looked straight ahead the whole day.

He would always around.

March 2017.

The last two years of school breezed past in a snap. You had alternated between studying for medschool and yearning for Mark.

Meanwhile he kept to himself. The only time he ever approached you was when he wanted help with projects or assignments.

You knew it was wrong to help him. Especially when it was so obvious that he was taking advantage of you but you couldn't help it.

You still wanted him as much as you did 8 years ago. He will always be your dream man. You hoped that maybe helping him would make him look at you in a new light but all that was merely wishful thinking.

"I wanna be a surgeon," he told me as you hunched over the desk pretending to read our biology textbook.

"Really? I wanna be a doctor." You told him.

"Still? Psychiatrist right?" He asked.

"You remember?" You ask him surprised.

"Of course" He smiled at you.

And just like that all the emotions that you had fought and kept at bay came back all at once.

He was a real charmer.

May 2017.

It was the last day of school. You knew you would never see Mark again.

Except of school reunions maybe but who is to say either of you would even attend.

You had made up your mind. You would confess to him. You weren't gonna see him again anyways.

Although you do admit you had spent countless hours fantasizing what it would be like if you ended up going to the same college. Would he finally give you a chance? Would he go and date another perfect girl?

But the chances were slim.

The last bell had rang and students poured out of their classes.

You approached him with a nervous demeanor.

"Hey, Mark. Can we talk?" You asked him.

"Yeah. What's up?" He asked.

You open your mouth to profess your undying love for him but before you could utter a single world you hear your teacher calling for the both of you.

"You both did so well in your finals. Y/N, I need to talk to you about some stuff. Can you stay back?" She looked at you.

"Yes, of course." You answer looking at Mark.

"You can leave now, Mark." She told him and dragged you away.

You wanted to run back and tell him "I love you. I've loved you since we were 10." But you just let yourself be dragged away by your teacher.

Maybe it was a sign from the universe.

He was never yours.

July 2017.

It was graduation.

You didn't think Mark would be here. You heard from a mutual friend that he got into his dream college.

You were happy for him really.

But standing at the gates of your school you saw him again. Wearing the same goofy smile as always surrounded by people.

You walk upto him. "Hey, guys. Finally done with this hellhole."

They all laugh as a wave of nostalgia hits them. Reminiscing the time spent.

"I heard you got into your dream college. Congratulations!" I wish Mark.

"Yeah. What about you?" He asked seeming genuinely curious.

"I'm gonna take a year off for mental health. I don't know if I wanna pursue medicine anymore. I don't have the brains for it." You laugh.

"Are you kidding? You're like the smartest person I know! Don't give up. For my sake?" He said in a pleading voice.

"For your sake? And who are you?" You laugh at him.

"Only like your bestest friend ever, Miss. VIP." He said his eyes crinkling as his smile got bigger.

"You remember that? Oh my god we were so lame." You lean into him as he lets out a laugh agreeing you.

And just like that the two of you were 10 again. And you fell in love with him and everything he did for a millionth time.

"You said we needed to talk that day. What was it about?" He asked out of nowhere.

You were tempted to tell him everything.

How you've been in love with him for ages.

How he made you feel. Makes you feel.

A thousand words on the tip of your tongue. You looked deep in his eye hoping to see a fraction of the things you felt for him. But all you could see was the reflection of a young girl hopelessly in love with a boy who would never see her the same way.

"Nothing. Just wanted to ask about where you were applying for college." You lied effortlessly.

The two of you stood together as the ceremony started.

He was just a fantasy.

August 2018.

Its been a year since you saw Mark.

He got busy with college and you understood.

Its not like you were that close anyways.

You would occasionally check his Instagram page. He had a new girlfriend you saw. It didn't fill you with envy. You were happy for him. It was a bittersweet happiness.

You had often wondered whether you had truly loved him.

Did you love Mark Lee as a person or the person you had made him up to be in your head? Was he really your soulmate or just a chapter in your book that you read to your children years from now?

Was it really love? Or was it childhood infatuation?

"Heard you got into medschool. Congratulations future Dr. Y/N!" He texted.

And just like that you fell for him again.

Afterall, he was your first love.

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