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iamanartichoke · 4 years ago

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(This post was inspired by a recent post by @kayura-sanada that I was going to reblog, but my own addition became so long and, frankly, off-topic to the original post’s content that I figured it was fairer to create my own post. But theOP I’m referring to can be found here and is a good read.)

Okay, so: this is a wonderful analysis of Tony Stark, @kayura-sanada, and I agree that it’s concerning seeing this written by a psychologist (although I think there has to be a little wiggle room in the fact that said psychologist is basing their diagnosis on their own interpretation, and - I would hope - it would probably change if Tony Stark were a real person who was their patient. I gotta hope that).

I agree with all of your overall points regarding Tony, but I wanted to reblog this specifically because this post is such a perfect example of a larger problem within fandom and fandom wank. The problem is that fictional characters can be interpreted any way you want, sure, but there’s a line between supporting your interpretation with evidence from the source, and supporting your interpretation with stuff you just kinda made up. There is a right and a wrong interpretation.

Here’s what I saw happen with this post: your response to the OP is lengthy because it dissects the OP bit-by-bit; it responds to the claims made in those bits with evidence from the films that supports a completely opposite interpretation of the character. And the response you got largely ignores all of that evidence and analysis in favor of a surface-deep response about open interpretations and how it’s “all just fiction anyway.”

And I see the same pattern repeat itself over and over in fandom:

“Character A is Trait B and that’s why they do Actions C, D, and E.”

“Actually, character A is more Trait F, and examples of Trait F are shown in Action G, H, and I.”

“Okay, but when they do Action H, they’re responding to Event J, but with Actions C and E, they clearly demonstrate Trait B, along with Trait K and L.”

“Well, but, saying they are/have Trait K is kind of a reach, and when they did Action H it was out of character, because in the same situation in previous films, they responded to Event J in a different way. For example, .....” (long post)

“I’m not reading all of that, it’s open to interpretation, and it’s just fiction anyway.”

Later, rinse, repeat.

And it’s like, look, yes, you can interpret the characters however you want. Fandom is supposed to be a fun, engaging space where fans are inspired to create new works and discuss all aspects of the source. Headcanons exists because of open character interpretation. Shipping exists because of open character interpretation. Rarepairs and alternate universes and ‘there was only one bed!’ and lots of tropes exist because of open character interpretation.

Without that open freedom to engage with the source/characters in whatever way makes you happy, fandom wouldn’t be what it is, and I would never want to discourage that.

That all said, it is possible that someone’s interpretation is wrong. That the way they imagine the character or the way they’re interpreting the character’s words and actions is a contrast to what’s really supposed to be going on in the scene or with the overall arc. The wrongness can come from any number of things - interpreation being colored by personal experience, preferences, projection, whatever.

In the case above, the psychiatrist is viewing Tony Stark through a lens of what they already decided the character is: a case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They took that lens and picked out (vague) examples of how the character portrays those traits.

This is fine. If that person wants to think Tony is a narcissist and that’s how they want to engage with the character and subsequent works (pretending that this was a meta post instead of a published article), then that’s their prerogative.

But upon closer analysis, the original interpretation kinda falls apart. The contrasting analysis takes a deeper look at the material and says, I don’t think what you’re saying is going on here is actually what’s going on here, and this is why.

But people don’t want to be told they’re wrong, especially in a fandom space, especially with something they hold dear to them (as interpretations can be intensely personal, and I know this). When the two interpretations clash, and one interpretation doesn’t really hold up to closer analysis, then suddenly, being critical of the source equates to disliking the source, and analysis is reduced to people just being negative and wanting to find things wrong with the source. Disagreeing with someone’s interpretation is taken as a personal attack. People get offended personally. The discussion devolves into ugly rhetoric, insults, or simply dismissiveness (”that’s nice but whatever,” “it’s just fiction,” etc).

And you might say, well, if you think someone’s interpretation is wrong, why are you trying to rain on their parade? Why are you trying to prove them wrong? Let people enjoy things! Let people fandom how they want! Let people write and create and be inspired in their own way!

To which I say, absolutely! Please, continue to enjoy the Thing and your interpretation of it. Continue to create through the lens of that interpretation. Create what makes you happy, fandom however you want to. I am a big proponent of “fandom and let fandom.” What other people like and dislike makes very little difference to me, and I’m certainly not under any illusion that everyone must see things the way that I see them or else they are Doing it Wrong. Nor do I take it personally if someone doesn’t agree with my take.

None of that is my point. My point is that it becomes an issue that splinters and fractures fandom spaces when criticism and discussion are discouraged, when long analysis posts are mocked, when threads are hijacked, when it gets to a point where disagreeing with someone’s take on a Thing cancels them - to you - as a person. Because you miss out. You miss out on discussion, and on engaging with creative fanworks, and widening your fandom circle.

Instead, the circle just narrows, and there’s an underlying sense of hostility that colors every interaction you have. And it makes it not fun for anyone.

People need to be more open to the idea that there is, in fact, a right and a wrong side to most arguments. They need to be willing to defend their argument in a way that holds up and, if they don’t want to defend their interpretation, that’s fine - more power to you - but they need to then stop making fun of and being generally shitty to those who disagree.

People need to stop pretending that analysis and critical thinking don’t matter. They need to stop pretending that “fiction” is this vague concept that has no bearing on the real world and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Fiction shapes our world, and art imitates life. Being unable to think critically about fiction indicates a larger issue of being unable to think critically about the things that do matter in the real world, like science and poltiics.

Just look at what this country has become. Each side believes it is the correct side, the “winning” side, but one of them is supported with verifiable facts and evidence and one isn’t, and when the one that isn’t is confronted with the fact that they are wrong, they either dismiss the argument entirely or go and find “alternative facts” from unreliable sources they can point to and say, see? A, B, C, D, and E may say I’m wrong, but F says I’m right, so fuck you.

I’m certainly not saying that fandom should be taken as seriously as politics, but I am saying that if people were more amenable to changing their minds or even just recognizing that criticism isn’t an attack and it’s not personal if someone dislikes a Thing that you feel passionate about - or vice versa - then maybe we’d have a better fandom space for all to enjoy.

And I do try not to be a hypocrite. I am open to changing my mind on positions I’ve taken in fandom - if the analysis and the evidence convince me that there’s another way to look at it. If someone is telling me I’m wrong, and they tell me why it’s wrong (yes, in detail), then I’m more than happy to take a second look. Maybe it will change my mind; maybe it will simply be something I’m cognizant of while I continue to enjoy the material in the way that’s most fun for me. Either way, I’m not trying to hold fandom as a whole to any kind of standard I wouldn’t also expect myself to meet.

That being said, this post is 90% me venting. Ironically, I don’t expect this to change anyone’s mind. I’m not saying there’s any one solution that will work for everybody or even that everyone sees a problem that needs solving. I’m just saying that I don’t enjoy fandom as much as I used to, and this particular pattern of "wank” (for lack of a better word) is the reason why.

#i may get hate #i may not have made my point #i may not have expressed myself well #but i DID need to get this off my chest #and the OP i referred to triggered a response bc it has been building for me for awhile #btw i am not referring to any particular discourse within the fandom #it is not directed at a Certain Divisive Film #it's rather just an overall problem that i see bc you could replace one discourse train #with another with a different film different characters whatever #and have these exact same issues #anyway there we are #delete later?#long post #tag rambles #fandom wank #the $0.02 no one asked for (but i will donate it anyway)#i'm legitimately afraid to post this lmfao

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sweetandsavageautistic · 5 years ago

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Who’s ready to lose more braincells thanks to Twitter? (CW: Pedophilia mention)

"I'm Alive Because of YOU!"

The Innocence of an adult with autism and his BFF Lost & Found EMMY ;)

Love You, Love You My Boo Bear

Mommyand (aka) #SMAARTMom

Meet My son Dustin & My Inspiration for Creating the Autism Welcomed Decal Symbol

Oh, decedents of men she loved/trusted... what a great idea!

To me, there's just something about what the innocence of a child would bring to that kind of a role. Or even a high functioning teen or adult with autism...

#WritingCommunity

Lauren, as a mother of an angel with disabilities, I would like articles about parents and adults with #Autism who share success stories. What makes a positive outcome?

Son went out with his grandad today amazing how are kids adults with #autism behave like angels for there grandparents lol.

As the parent of an adult child with autism I always tell young parents to never underestimate their child Our children CAN They are true angels sent to us by God

I worked as a parapro for three years and have seen people on every part of the spectrum- the way he spoke and carried himself should NOT influence anyone’s decision on their theory of his guilt or innocence. His demeanor is very typical of someone with high-functioning autism.

One thing I know about people with Aspergers is, they dont lie, they are often shy at 1st, but once they know you, they arent the type you ask "does my butt look big in this" coz they'll tell you outright that if does with such innocence & charm.

The innocence of people with autism is truly incomparable, it's their raw emotion that's sets them apart from the rest of the world.

@realDonaldTrump

hope you can meet Ganesh. #helpganeshmeettrump

Brother godbless ur boy.His curiosity is apparent and his calmness is heartwarming to see he realizes this isn’t going to hurt us.Autism holds a special place in my heart for my niece is also Autistic and any child,I see an innocence about them that makes me smile.Good job dad

You’re not alone , we autism moms are in this together and know exactly the heartbreak you are feeling

give it time and a lot of therapy Jenny, things will get better !! Just remember that his innocence is soo pure that he’s an angel here on earth for you

Not just autism but any diagnosis/disability. My saying is "do not look at my child w/ different eyes when u see him do something that's considered out of d norm" & also "don't break away his spirit because he can still see the Innocence in life better than you" -Margarita Rubio

Same here brother. My youngest son is autistic and I cant imagine how anyone..especially a "father" could do something like this My son has random seizures and everyone of them rips my heart out Autistic children have more heart & love than anyone on earth Innocence of autism

The ABC series "Love on the Spectrum" was / is a beautiful uplifting and inspiring work. The wonderful openness, hopefulness and general innocence of the autistic folk is a lesson for everyone. Love for everyone has challenges. I hope people don't use autism to express contempt

I love being around people with Autism. They radiate pure energy and innocence.

My son has autism and he is just beautiful in his innocence, thank you very much!!! He does not have black coal for a heart and not beholden to Satan

When Quamaine helped me with the snow shoveling. He was happy to help. I adore him and his innocence. I hope he knows that. #adultwithautism #autism #adultoconaitismo #autismo #quamaine #autismaunt #snow

Mothers of children with autism know their kids intimately because they cannot leave them with anyone. They protect their kids fiercely, because they are vulnerable due to their innocence

Sarah's effective portrayal of an autistic role clearly depicted the charm, candidness, innocence and frolicsome attitude of people with autism.

Autism. A neurological condition where purity and innocence collide to form an abstract masterpiece.

THE REAL CHAMPIONS IN THIS WORLD ARE CHILDREN LIKE KAYLENE. WITH AUTISM SPECIAL NEEDS & CHILDREN FIGHTING CANCER SO MUCH MORE LOOK AT HER SMILE SO INNOCENT

The people with autism can understand a lot of things very clearly. Autistic children tend not trust adult humans becoz for them they are constantly in movement which doesn’t allow things to sync with them. BTW they are fantastic human beings with a child like pure heart.

People with autism are the most perfect human beings on the planet to me bc they don’t bother a soul or hurt anybody an is purely innocent 💯‼️❤️

I have a soft spot for people with Autism. We aren’t worthy of their creativity, intelligence and innocence

I love being around people with Autism. They radiate pure energy and innocence.

Thank you

God bless you too!

I believe people with autism are special gifts and their purity cannt be denied]

I’ve been the happiest in my life being around people with autism. If you don’t have a friend, brother, or neighbor like them you truly haven’t experience the purity in life.

People with down syndrome, autism, etc, arent capable of hate, malice, greed, intolerance, etc. They exhibit all the things that those of us "normal" people try to be but cant. They're not equipped to be evil. They can only show purity.

I dont know, that's my take on it.

By living with people with autism, we are be able to regain the purity

True, but at the same time these aren't necessarily different things: pedophilia, anti-pedophilia & dumb-girl-philia can stem from one & the same mental trait, i.e. the idealization of childlike Innocence; which in turn is arguably a form of autism: other people can't have minds.

#Undateables #TheUndateables I adore this show. The pure honesty love and kindness of these beautiful souls blows me away

. Their innocence and hopeful view of this world is something that could teach many. Appreciate what you have

#autism #specialneeds #learningdisability

Which film? I love the innocence of kids. Every day my kids say it as it is and their attitude keeps me so grounded. We could all learn a lot from autism x

This sickens me 2 the core.Trump started this he is to blame. We are one let us not forget this. We need 2 learn again from our young who see no difference. My son with autism never sees any difference. Such innocence. The world will not change him .He listens to me I accept all

My son who has been diagnosed with #autism loves painting.He is lifting my spirits with his joy 4 his work he has done.Some he started this week & finished. R #Hamilton #Ticat #Football colors. Love the innocence its so grounding 4 me. Blessings 4 all you are doing

Pope john paul the second said children with autism were closer to god than any other. They have a innocence about them. We should take notice and learn from there how love and live

And now, some tweets from people who think Greta Thunberg is being exploited just because she's so passionate about stopping climate change:

If This Little Girl GRETA really has AUTISM How Terrible Easy For Adults To Manipulat Her IT IS A PARENTS JOB TO PROTECT THE INNOCENCE OF OUR CHILDREN IM SO ASHAMED AND SO SHOULD THE CLIMATE CHANGE COMMUNITY GOD FORGIVE HER PARENTS. THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THE DO

Democrats like John Kerry are using an innocent little girl with autism to feign innocence while the Democrats just voted to spend 738 billion dollars on environmental destruction. How ridiculous.

That's a good argument? Because it's what SHE *wants* to do? She is a child who does not yet fully grasp the perils of public life or climatology. She's also a child diagnosed on the autism spectrum. She deserves privacy and protection of her innocence. It will end poorly.

I've started to suspect she was selected for this job because of her autism. She can play innocence whenever someone publicly calls her out for the childish nonsense that comes out of her.

Greta is a 16-yr-old kid with autism who is being used by her parents & the crazy adults around her as a political pawn. She's not a savior. She's a kid who is having her innocence and anonymity stripped from her by a**holes pushing their stupid climate change crap.

I think she is being used. The fact that she has an Autism Spectrum Condition should be respected. She is very articulate and very focused partly because she is Greta and partly because she is autistic, but she also has the innocence of a teenager and someone with an ASD.

#climate change is real karen #autism innocence bullshit #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #sweet and savage autistic

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 5 years ago

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Calm and Quiet

A/N: Hey lovelies! It’s been a long while since an ego fic. This was a story request from a lovely person who asked for Soft Anti, who has mild autism (in the form of sensory/sound issues), although he’s unaware of it and doesn’t know why noises overwhelm him until the Reader and Henrik step in.

The person who asked for this also gave me info on some of their experiences so that I have a better understanding of this subject before I write it ^^

Another Note: I'm not fully back into writing Septic Ego content. Tbh I don't know when I'll be since I feel like I've written just about everything for these boys (plus the current lack of canon ego activity as well as my interest in other fandoms. If any ego lore pops up I may be inspired).

Enough from me now, hope you all enjoy! 💕💕

........

Anti always had some issue with there being too much going on at one time. But even when the amount of activity was minor, he’d still get anxious and jittery. And he never knew why.

He began to notice this starting to pick back up as he sat on the kitchen counter, fiddling with one of his knives. It delicately twirled in his fingers, barely grazing the bandaids he had from past incidents with the sharp tools that used to be weapons of terror and bloodshed.

Now he just plays around with them, keeping them for knife-throwing skills that gave him a lot of satisfaction and helped him calm down after a rough day.

However, as he tried to focus on the shiny silver blade, he nearly jumped as he felt a foam Nerf bullet nearly miss his head, hitting the wall and falling to the kitchen floor.

“Oops! Sorry bro!” Chase’s voice hollered from across the room as he ran to snag the bullet, before he reloaded his Nerf gun and turned back around. “Alright you’re on Jackie!” He let out a war cry as he ran back to the living room.

In the other corner of the room, Anti picked up the sound of Henrik and Marvin having debates on science and magic, with the doctor slamming his fists down and raising his voice while speaking in German. You were stuck in the middle, trying to break up the “discussion” before things got heated.

At the kitchen table, Shawn and Angus were laughing loudly, drunk off their asses, while Jameson sat near them and tried to read one of his books. But then as Shawn demonstrated his ink powers, a drop of the viscous liquid accidentally flew into Jameson’s tea, startling him enough to drop the ceramic cup.

Anti shuddered at the noisy shattering, and even louder arguing from four of his brothers. It didn’t help that Marvin was trying to show off some magic in the form of bright lights.

Usually he’s able to withstand this type of commotion, but it was just becoming too much right now. And not knowing why it was bothering him so much only made him more upset, to the point where he teared up and jumped off the counter, his boots slamming to the floor.

"I CAN’T TAKE IT!!”

His angry, glitched shout made the whole room fall silent as you and his brothers looked at him, eyes wide and faces confused.

Anti tensed immediately, not liking the abrupt silence, before he sniffled and stabbed his knife onto the counter before glitching away. Mutters of concern were passed around the room, although some of the egos thought the glitch demon was just lashing out like always and continued their conversations.

"Is..he okay?” You glanced at Henrik, who had his eyebrows furrowed together, as though he was thinking.

Then he briefly glanced at Marvin. “You know..ve can have zhe talk of magic and science later,” he declared. “I need a break. So [y/n], let’s talk in my office.”

You nodded and followed the doctor out of the room and to his office. Once you both arrived, he sat down in his chair, and you took the seat across from him, leaning back. “Do you have a theory on what’s been going on with Anti lately?”

“Yes. I’ve actually been taking some notes about his recent behaviors.” Henrik shuffled through the files on his desk, finding Anti’s and opening it. “Judging from zhe recent patterns, zhey seem to be consistent vith patients who are on zhe autism spectrum. For Anti, however, it may only be a mild form. Sensory issues, primarily from sounds, seems to be zhe case here.”

You blinked in surprise, although his explanation seemed to make sense. “Hmm, I guess that would explain it. It seems like Anti’s been bothered by how he’s acting, too. So..what should we do now?”

“Maybe bring him here and run some tests. Can’t just diagnose someone based on speculation.”

...........

It took some time to coax Anti out of his room, but when you managed to, you brought him into Henrik’s office. Once the good doctor explained to him the reason behind his recent behaviors, he was stunned--never believing that demons could exhibit such conditions found in humans.

But at the same time, Anti was..relieved in a way that he finally understood what was going on with him. Not knowing why he was acting the way he was frustrated him, so to hear his diagnosis was good in a sense.

“So..what’s the next step in this?”

“Ve accommodate,” Henrik told him with a smile. “Zhere is no cure for autism, so it’s a matter of helping you deal vith it better and us making sure you don’t get overwhelmed. Yes..ve’re a loud bunch by nature but vith time-”

“D-Do we have to tell the others?” Anti asked, nervous, although when he felt you squeeze his hand gently, he relaxed a little. He looked at you, sighing. “I just..don’t want ‘em treatin’ me any differently or not talkin’ when I walk into the room.”

“They’re not gonna immediately fall silent,” you reassured him. “They’re still gonna be chatterboxes, but they don’t wanna see their brother stressed and upset either, so we’ll figure out a balance. They’ll understand, and if not I’ll knock their teeth in.” You jokingly winked at the demon, making him chuckle.

“Thanks, [y/n].” Then he looked back at Henrik. “And thanks, doc..for helpin’ me figure this out.”

“All in a day’s vork, mein bruder.” The doctor simply nodded, glad to see that the demon had a better understanding of himself now.

#antisepticeye x reader #soft anti #autism #x reader #reader insert

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laws-yellow-submarine · 5 years ago

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Did you know. That I would like to hear. Everything I can about your OCs/Quasi-Self Inserts? Because Cringe Culture is dead and I love them.

First of all: THANK YOU for asking about them lol I saw the ask and I got so so excited cause I literally never stop thinking about them lol that being said, I apologize for the novel I just wrote about them lmfao I put it all under the cut (hopefully it works on mobile!), so hopefully I don’t bog down everyone’s feed.

So I don’t wanna reveal too much about Skylar (full name Valentine Skylar), cause I really do plan on actually writing the fic I planned for her (I’m just really good at procrastinating lmao), but like I said in an earlier post: she’s my bisexual disaster brain child running away from her homophobic parents and the threat of conversion therapy by impulsively deciding to sneak onto Law’s submarine when he visits her home island. I’m basing the conversion therapy stuff off of something similar in the Bloodlines series by Richelle Mead (one of my all time FAVORITES! If you like vampires, action, and romance I can’t recommend it enough! Though you should start with the first series, Vampire Academy as it introduces the world and the cast of characters and the events of that series lead directly into the Bloodlines series. I took some inspiration from Vampire Academy too for some other events in the fic as well).

Skylar is...a lot like me in personality lol she’s 5’5”, goofy, loves to laugh and sing and just generally have fun, and she’s very clumsy. She’s also got major anxiety, but it’s not something she actually has a diagnosis for (so she doesn’t know there’s a problem and can’t handle it when it flares up, she’s unprepared to deal with it). She does like to read, mostly fiction, and she likes to look at the stars, and gaze out the windows of the sub when they’re submerged. She’s very musically gifted. Part of her deal with Law for essentially free room and board is that she cooks (they don’t have a designated cook otherwise, and this way they never have to let Law back in the kitchen again), and while she’s cooking she’ll be singing so loud it carries through the pipes on the sub (almost like they have radio lmfao). She’s also impulsive; her decision to sneak onto Law’s sub was totally spur of the moment, she knew the risks, she knew exactly who’s ship she was sneaking onto (thanks to wanted posters), and that it was dangerous, but she still packed up as much of her stuff as she could, stole a TON of her parents’ money, and snuck on anyway. Law wonders a lot whether she’s just an idiot or possibly someone trying to spy on him (either for the Marines, or more sinisterly for Doflamingo. He knows the likelihood for either of these things is extremely slim, but he keeps her close so he can keep an eye on her. He can’t afford to make a mistake with that). It takes a LONG time for them to move past the “I don’t trust you” stage, and even then she’s much more invested than he is for a really long time, mostly because he’s an emotionally constipated BUTT who doesn’t like to acknowledge that he FEELS THINGS lmao

Most of her life she’s been fighting against someone else’s control; mostly her parents (she’s 21 at the start of the story but hasn’t been able to feel like a true adult until she leaves, they’ve had such a hold over her AND they’re powerful people where she lives so she HAS to leave the island completely to be free). She also experienced some of this with her girlfriend, Mimi, though not to nearly the same extreme. Mimi had big dreams of getting off their island and becoming a world famous musician, along with Skylar. Skylar just wants to travel the world, but Mimi’s loud personality manipulated her into adopting the dream of being a musician. It wasn’t malicious in any way, but usually when Mimi would say “We’re doing this” or “We don’t like that”, Skylar usually agreed. She wouldn’t speak out against it, in part due to finally feeling loved (ahh parent issues lol). About a year before the start of the story, Mimi joins the Marines as a way to start earning some money, as well as getting her foot out the door in a way (it gets her off the island, so all that’s needed is to earn enough to get settled somewhere, go back for Skylar, and then they can begin their life together). Unfortunately, her patrol ship was destroyed by a pirate crew a few months later, and she’s now MIA and presumed dead.

Being with Law and his crew is really the first time she’s been able to try deciding things for herself, and then follow through. He’s not gonna try to push her in any direction, that’s not his business, and so there comes an extra sense of freedom with them that she’s never had before.

Law also keeps her around because he finds out she has a roundabout connection to Doflamingo, and he thinks he can find a way to exploit that connection for information. Her parents have a very on-the-level business selling pharmaceuticals, which is what keeps them in good standing with the Marines when they come to the island (there’s no actual base set up, but there’s another close by). They ALSO have a black market business smuggling hallucinogens throughout the Grand Line, beginning to venture into the other seas as well, starting with North Blue. There’s a fruit that grows on the island called the Follia Fruit (literally Insanity in Italian) which causes strong hallucinations when eaten. They were able to get a good foot in the black market using Doflamingo’s connections, and they know HIM because they were actually formerly part of his crew (they left the crew before Law joined, so he doesn’t know them, and they left because Skylar’s grandmother was dying and leaving the entire fortune and family-run business to them, otherwise they would’ve stayed with Doffy. Skylar’s more of an object for them to use.) Skylar vaguely knows her parents have an underworld contact, she’s seen his Jolly Roger in her father’s office, near his wall safe, but she doesn’t know who he actually is. At most she’s heard mention of a “Joker” and that’s it, so Law can easily fish for information without giving up that he’s honestly using her too (he doesn’t have any reason to just be nice to her, especially since she snuck onboard before he ever met her, and that’s part of the journey; balancing his goal with the fact he’s developing feelings for the person he’s using to help achieve that goal). It’s a slooooooooow burn btw lol takes a long time for things to truly get going between them, but when it does it kinda picks up quick. It’s gonna be fun lol

Speaking of the Follia Fruit, that’s how Skylar got her devil fruit. I do NOT have a name for it yet, because I can’t find one I like that still overall fits? But essentially she can manipulate light particles (photons? Idk science stuff, whatever light is actually made of). She can use it to create a camouflage cover (it’s main use, she’s a sneaky person despite also being clumsy as hell lmfao), and that works like she’s placing a cloak over herself (like an invisibility cloak!), and she also eventually learns to create force fields of hardened light, like the light bridges in Portal 2 (it takes a lot of energy though, so it’s not nearly as easy, but it does come in handy). Whether these are all actually scientifically sound remains irrelevant, in my universe it works muahahaha (there is precedent for these powers at least, I just don’t know how it all actually works. Science is NOT my forte). She was actually trying to eat the Follia Fruit when she ate the devil fruit instead, as when consumed in a large enough dose it can be fatal (so yeah, WARNING there: her girlfriend is dead, she’s being tortured, she manages to escape at one point and decides she absolutely is NOT going back). Fortunately, she didn’t check what fruit she was eating before chowing down, and she not only lived but she gained super powers lol. She also at one point asks Law to help teach her how to fight and defend herself, which is super fun cause she’s NOT in shape lol but she does eventually learn at least basic hand to hand and how to use a blade (typically a knife or a dagger, she’s small).

Skylar also works very hard to develop her Observation Haki. I’ve always wondered if it was possible to manipulate your haki so you could be indetectable by other users, which would be extremely useful when your abilities include sneaking and camouflage. So Skylar learns how to do it, focusing more on the detection aspects of haki than any of the other uses (predicting movement). It hasn’t been shown in canon, obviously, but I think it’s feasible.

Clearly I’ve thought a lot about all this, now it’s just a matter of writing actual sentences lmao

My other main OC is Monkey D. Hazel. She’s Luffy’s big sister, older by about 4 years (so she’s older than Ace and Sabo by 1 year). She’s a good big sister lol she’s super protective, almost mothering despite not being that much older, and it drives the boys nuts (but they still love her anyway and appreciate her for it and all that. They can take care of themselves, but they know if they ever needed her to step in she would in a heartbeat). She’s not nearly as chaotic as Luffy, but she does follow him into a lot of shenanigans (usually with a shrug and a grin like “yup that’s Luffy”). She’s always wanted to help Luffy achieve his dream, and write down his adventures for future generations to read, so she stayed behind until he was ready to start on his own pirate journey.

She also totally had a thing with Ace (I know it can be kinda iffy, given their shared past and psuedo-sibling status, but I think they work well together, and given that they were 2 teens going through puberty at the same time in the same area, I think it’s extremely likely they could’ve developed feelings for each other that they didn’t necessarily fully understand at the time. I also don’t think she’d be one to participate in the sake drinking scene that the boys use to say “ok we’re brothers now”, and until she was an adult only saw Ace as a close friend that Luffy also saw as a big brother. Being that they were in the same age group, I think it’s less likely she’d see him and Sabo as brothers until they were much older. Sorry if that seems like I’m making excuses, I know not everyone is going to agree with that kind of “ship”, but I literally started shipping them on accident and now I can’t stop cause it makes sense to me that something would have happened between them, even something small). Any relationship they did have ended when Ace left to be a pirate, and with time spent apart and both growing older, Hazel’s views turn more sisterly, like “We grew up together, he’s practically my brother” (though Ace’s may or may not have stayed kind of the same. It makes for interesting conversation when they do meet again in Alabasta). When he dies, she’s absolutely devastated, and does start to wonder “what if?”, like what if she’d pursued a real relationship with him from the beginning, gone with him, could she have kept him safe, etc. It takes a very long time for her to come to terms with it, and to accept that she couldn’t have done anything to stop it, nor was it her place to try. She loses her best friend, and it does take some of the spark out of her, so she’s more reserved after the time skip.

She loses her right leg in a fight with CP9, essentially the bones gets crushed, and her new pal Franky helps whip up a cool robot leg for her in between work on the new ship. It’s got a few bells and whistles: a pistol in the kneecap, a roller blade in the bottom of the foot, and she can detach the metal plates in a way that makes her taller (if she stands on one leg lol). She thinks Franky is SUPER cool (I always hated that the girls in the series never think robots or ninjas or anything are cool, she’s not like that lmfao), and Luffy is jealous of her robot leg.

She sustained some pretty major burns to her right side at Marineford (either by Akainu when he murdered Ace; she stepped in front of Luffy, Ace stepped in front of her, the magma-arm didn’t touch her skin because it was stopped by her coat, but the heat was enough to still cause 3rd-degree burns to her arm, shoulder, and face because it’s fucking LAVA, and destroy half of her clothing; OR some other thing set on fire and burned her lol I dunno enough to say whether that’s feasible with magma but I like that version better, that it was caused in some way by Akainu). It was a question of if she’d ever be able to use her arm again, but Law’s a very good doctor (though she did threaten him when he wouldn’t let her see Luffy right away, saying with him being in critical condition they couldn’t risk an infection. She was not happy). She actually bonds slightly with Law after they escape and she’s in stable condition, cause she breaks down about what happened before he can escape (lol). In her mind she’s just lost another person she cared about (a brother-type figure, and someone she loves very much in her own way), and Luffy could very well be on his deathbed, and she can’t even see him, and the rest of their crew is who knows where, and she may lose use of her arm, and she HURTS, and it’s a lot to take in. Law keeps trying to tell her to calm down or she’ll undo everything he just did to save her, and she accuses him of being insensitive (I mean...yeah), and throws out a comment like “what you never lost anybody? Fuck off”. He glares at her, then sits and sighs, hiding his face beneath his hat. He’s silent for a while, then tells her he’s also lost a sibling. He doesn’t say anything more, doesn’t give details, but it still hits like a slap to the face, and she realizes he’s offering an olive branch by telling her that, and that hey here’s someone who knows exactly how you feel right now, don’t push away the only person who understands. They don’t bring it up again, but she does start to calm down.

The Crew: When she met Zoro she kept scolding Luffy about bossing him around, that it’s not his place to tell someone they’re joining the crew (of course he doesn’t listen), but after Zoro joins they get along really really well (she also mildly flirts with him for fun, he blushes like crazy, but it’s pretty harmless overall. Those three together is pretty chaotic on its own lol).

She didn’t trust Nami at first, as she came out of nowhere after messing with a different pirate, so she’s wary that the girl has something up her sleeve regarding her brother, but after they defeat Arlong Hazel is extremely protective of her, and the two take care of each other (also again: mild flirting. That time spent with Ace as a teen really helped Hazel’s confidence as a flirt, but after the time skip a lot of that goes away).

Hazel and Usopp tell stories together, usually for the whole crew, and she sees him as another little brother sort of figure. Chopper is baby, she loves Chopper instantly and will beat down anyone that looks at him funny. She doesn’t flirt with Sanji, because she doesn’t like the way he falls over himself around her and doesn’t want to encourage more of it, but once he (finally) takes the hint the two have a very strong friendship. She was very wary of Robin, until Water 7/Enies Lobby, and now sees her as an older sister. Robin, for her part, and even Franky to some degree, wish that Hazel would stop trying to be the crew’s grown up, and would go have fun as a girl in her early 20’s. She does ease up once the two join the crew, but bonds with the adults a lot. She’s someone the younger crew members go to with problems, but Robin and Franky, and eventually Brook and Jinbei, are who Hazel goes to for advice.

After the 5th time of Brook asking to see her panties, she says fuck it and throws a clean pair at him, saying that’s all he gets and if he asks her one more time she WILL throw him overboard. He doesn’t bring it up again.

Jinbei actually shows her the basics of Fishman Karate on their way back to Marineford before the timeskip. She still can’t move too well, so she just watches, but she incorporates what she learns into her fighting style.

She wanted to stay with Luffy when he went to train with Rayliegh, but the old man put a stop to it right away saying she’d not only be too distracted to focus on her own training, but she’d likely coddle Luffy. It was better for them to spend some time apart anyway, for really the first time in their lives, and though she’s nervous about not being with him she agrees. Hancock ends up taking her under her wing for the time being, but only because she’s Luffy’s sister (and therefore not a threat lmfao).

As far as after the time skip, she’s mostly the same but doesn’t immediately jump into Luffy’s shenanigans, and can be more of a voice of reason when needed. At Punk Hazard, she’s the first one of the Straw Hats (besides Luffy) to trust Law and agree that they should form an alliance. She furiously hates Caesar, like she isn’t even able to be near him or his heart cause she might stab him and ruin the whole plan (you don’t mess with kids man Hazel WILL fuck you up). At Dressrosa she joins in the fight to help the Tontattas, and follows Usopp and Robin to the port under the coliseum. When she sees Sabo, she IMMEDIATELY bursts into tears and latches onto his shoulders so tight it would take a crowbar to separate them (not that he tries, he’s happy to see her too). She also scolds Robin later for not telling her, but the older woman just laughs and says “but isn’t this so much better?” It is, but Hazel won’t admit it yet lol

She doesn’t go with Luffy to Whole Cake Island, but she does end up meeting up with him and Zoro in Wano, and helps rescue O-Tama.

Potential love interests for Hazel (besides Ace) would be Zoro, Nami, or Law, but honestly she could be shipped with anyone which makes it super fun lol (if anyone read this whole thing and has ideas send them in I’d love to hear them!!)

Anyway thank you for reading this entire long ass essay about my brain children! I think about them a lot, as I’m sure you can tell lol

#valentine skylar #monkey d. hazel #one piece oc #one piece original character #trafalgar law #portgas d. ace #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #law x oc stuff #fan fiction #zoro x oc #nami x oc #ace x oc #long post #doesn't look like the read more is working on mobile I'm so sorry #thanks for the ask!

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upstartpoodle · 5 years ago

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@ticketybooser replied to your post.

Oh, wow. This is absolutely wonderful. I love both of your extracts from this particular story. When George saved Ross’ life in the finale, I was positively jumping for joy. I did wonder, however, why Hanson – while wounded – would attempt to shoot Ross rather than George given the latter’s betrayal. It would have made more sense for Hanson to train his pistol on George as opposed to Ross, which is why I really like the idea of George being seriously injured in your story.

I have to say that I would pay dearly for you to write more of this story, particularly any scenes between George and Ross at Nampara during those long and frustrating hours of bedrest. That would be a real treat. Any bonding between George and Ross would be a delight to read. The days preceding George’s awakening when his life hung in the balance between his wound and the subsequent fever would be particularly interesting to read; for example, how did Ross and Demelza, as well as Dwight, come to terms with George’s actions? What emotions did all three experience as George’s life teetered on the brink? It must have been baffling for them, but perhaps less so for Dwight given his knowledge of George’s mental ill-health. Moreover, how did George cope with having to rely on Ross and others for assistance during his recovery. Poor George, having Ross attend to his needs, including conversation must have been traumatic, lol! That whole situation could make for some really nice moments of humour and understanding and reconciliation.

I really enjoyed George and Cary’s interaction in the carriage, as well as George’s reluctance to socialise. Also, I love the fact that George is still suffering from the trauma brought about by Dr Penrose’s brutality. I like this because it lets us know that George really is human and is struggling still to comprehend what happened to him. That Cary is genuinely concerned for George’s well-being is surprisingly touching even if Cary’s worries are also rooted in his desire to protect the Warleggan name. The idea that Hanson – having noted George’s strange behaviour in person on a number of occasions – would seek to discredit George as a credible witness by exposing any suspected lunacy is inspired! Will he succeed? Will Ross find out via Dwight about George’s predicament and come to his aid? On a separate note, I just love that Dwight and Caroline’s invitation is the first that George accepts following his heroics at Nampara. He knows, deep down that neither Dwight nor Caroline mean him any harm.

I’ve also been wondering how George’s relationship with Caroline changes in the wake of her threats to reveal his insanity diagnosis. Would George be timid or fearful in her presence or would the incident remain unspoken between them. Or would Caroline seek to reassure him that his secret is safe with her. Regardless of such questions, I love your story and I do hope that you continue with it. Once again, thanks so much for writing such excellent George centric stories! : D

Hi, thank you so much for these kind comments! I really appreciate the feedback and I’m glad to know that you’re enjoying my fics. I’m definitely going to write more of this story (there’s a good chunk of it already in the works) but by the looks of it, it’s going to be really, really long, so it might take a while before I’m ready to start posting it properly. I’ll get there eventually though, and I might post a couple more extracts in the meantime depending on how quickly it starts shaping up once I’m done with the month of AUs.

Honestly, the thought of George getting injured in that scenario hadn’t really occurred to me until I was sent that request, but it certainly opens up a lot of interesting possibilities in terms of character interactions. I think you’re right in that it would have made a lot of sense for Hanson to try and shoot George because a) he and Merceron have straight up admitted a whole load of shit to him and if he’s turned on them he’s in a pretty good position to use that against them, and b) he’s going to be really pissed off at the guy who’s just shot him. That scene could have gone very differently very easily, and it’s interesting to explore the ramifications of that.

There’s going to be a lot of scenes between George and Ross--these two have a lot of shit to work through, and naturally nobody’s really going to know what to make of George being seriously injured saving Ross’ life. And needless to say, George is NOT going to be happy about being stuck at Nampara with Ross for company for the duration of his recovery. I’ve only got a few scenes at Nampara so far, but they’ve all been fun to write, and once I’ve filled in the gaps, that should make up a decent chunk of the fic which hopefully I’ll be ready to start posting...at some point ha.

I’m glad you liked the interaction between George and Cary - there’s going to be a lot of those two as well. I’ve always found their relationship pretty interesting and I think there was a definite change there this series, in that it’s really the first time that I can think of where Cary shows actual, genuine concern for his nephew as a person. Before, their relationship has always been quite cold and impersonal, mostly just them plotting together, or else Cary berating George in some way (aka 1x02, 1x08) or George being embarrassed by him and his behaviour, whereas in s5 you can see that he is truly worried about George, even if his concern is equally to ensure that no shame be attached to the family because of his illness. When it comes to the whole business with Dr Penrose, I kind of wanted to deal with that in this fic since it’s not exactly the kind of thing you just get up and walk away from completely unaffected, and so that’s something that’s building up quite a bit of tension between George and Cary. I kind of felt that the show didn’t quite delve into the ramifications of 5x03 really as deeply as it could have, including with how George and Cary’s relationship might change in the aftermath of it, and so I decided I wanted to go into that here.

With Caroline, I felt that her actions in 5x07 definitely needed to be addressed before either of them could move forward as characters -- as a matter of fact, the scene with George and Cary actually comes right before their confrontation (well confrontation is maybe a bit dramatic but they’re definitely going to talk it out--idk I haven’t written that bit yet ha) over the matter. I mean George knows rationally that Caroline won’t tell, but he’s always struck me as a character who really likes to be in control, and since he’s spent a good chunk of s5 not being at all in control of the situation, the thought of someone having this damning knowledge held over his head that they could give away at any point, even if it’s really not that likely that they will, is basically just a complete nightmare to him. I mean, like I said, it’s not written yet so I don’t quite know how that’s going to go down, but either way, he ain’t happy about it.

Anyway, I’m going to stop rambling now as otherwise I might just go on forever ha. Thanks again for taking the time to write such thoughtful feedback! I love reading your comments! Xx :D

#ticketybooser #replies

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lokeanrampant · 5 years ago

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S'okay...

This is an Anders Positive space. This is a Justice Positive space. And if you don’t like the following commentary, well, stay off my blog and feel free to block me. If I could block a singular tag or several, I sure as hell would, but since I can’t? You’re going to get my opinion from time to time and I’m not going to back down and I’m not going to feel sorry about it.

And I am going to pull a comment out on its own here:

[quote] @dafheannaig13 : edit: I would like to make clear that personally, I don’t see Anders as being mentally ill. (I give no credence to Hepler; she’s proven her own ignorance D-:<) His behaviour is all consistent with being a deeply traumatised member of a minority population, who has been the victim of extreme prejudice at the hands of the powerful in a system of injustice and abuse. I certainly won’t police the head-canons of others! BUT this is my belief personally, and I don’t think it makes ANY of Anders’s character or suffering OR ANY of my rant less valid. We relate to him because we have suffered, not because the source of our suffering was the same. [/quote]

It is the STRUGGLE with which we identify. It doesn’t have to have any particular label. It doesn’t even have to have the same source. It doesn’t make the character less, it doesn’t make your reaction to the character less, and it certainly doesn’t make your experience less. You don’t have to match up perfectly to identify with a character or human being. That’s why it’s called empathy: to understand and share the feelings of another.

And you know what the most annoying part of this whole fandom-wide debate is? Odds are really good that if JH hadn’t said what she said, no one would even have looked at him this way. Sure, you’d still have the “he’s a terrorist!” groupies, and they like to throw mental illness labels on people…but they also want other people to sit down and shut up and take the abuse the system throws at them because they because they benefit, either actively or passively, by the oppression of others. If you’ve been on my blog at all, you know I love Steve Rogers (my chaotic-good idiot). He is compassionate. He is an artist. And he has to make some truly shitty decisions in war. People die. Innocent people die. And yet, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone try to label him BPD or BP. Tony, yes, and there is some canon support for that one, but not Steve. (I could be wrong…I haven’t seen every post or read every comic. Though he does have self-destructive tendencies in the form of pretty much always being willing to make the sacrifice for others.)

Labels can be unifying…or they can be divisive. I have labels. I have chosen which apply to me. I am sure other people have labels for me. But here’s the thing with labels – THEY DO NOT DEFINE THE WHOLE OF YOU. They are a part of you. You could throw a thousand labels on a person and still never get anywhere close to the whole complexity of that person.

My actions are mine. They aren’t because of a label. They aren’t because of a diagnosis. Do not take away the sense of agency I have over my actions, my choices, my life because you want to assign a label to it. It diminishes me and everything I went through to arrive at that choice.

Saying that Anders isn’t mentally ill, isn’t bipolar, isn’t a slam against mental illness or bpd. I have BPD. Probably BP II. I have Asperger’s and autism in my family. Depression. Auditory processing disorders and sensory overstimulation. Anxiety attacks. My theater community is rife with mental illness. AND IT DOES NOT DEFINE US. We are not ashamed of this. It is not something we control. It is something we acknowledge and manage to the best of our abilities because it will not rule our lives. And we support the hell out of each other.

The actions Anders took were that of a good man pushed to the point where peaceful action was no longer an option. He spent years trying to do things peacefully. He came to the point there was no other course and he did that with perfect understanding of what that meant. Clear and sound mind. The fact that he was “based” off a person with BPD? Well, it clearly shows that JH had no clue what that diagnosis actually means. And it was shitty of her to do that because what she ultimate tried to do was demonize a medical diagnosis, something you have at a genetic level, and the medical and psychiatric community should want to string her up for it.

If you want to relate to him and his actions and his struggles, that’s AWESOME. If what he did, how he survived, gives you strength, that’s inspiring. He is a survivor, through everything. He is still kind and compassionate and gives everything of himself. That IS inspiring. That is something to which everyone should aspire. The fact that he still struggles with hating himself and being proud of what he can do is the effect of a lifetime of indoctrination, with which many of us still struggle. But to label him as mentally ill is misleading when there is no in-game canon support. Identify with, empathize with, but labeling him mentally ill gives too much leeway to have that label say the entirety of everything he did, everything he chose, was because he didn’t know what he was doing. It sits heavy, it sits wrong…it feels like it diminishes his thoughts, his actions, and they USE that label to demonize him. Don’t do that to him.

He didn’t make that decision lightly, he didn’t do it because he mentally ill. He did it because it would save hundreds, if not thousands. He carries the blood of whatever few people were in the Chantry at that time. The Chantry and everything it stands for – the abuse, torture, and death of thousands – is a corrupt, oppressive system. And he was willing to give everything to try and take that down.

#dragon age #da2 #anders #labels #tw: mental health #tw: abuse #in fact - new tag #anders - mental health

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parttimestorier · 6 years ago

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Interview with d Marie Licea

Recently, I had a chance to talk with d Marie Licea, developer of Us Lovely Corpses, about the creative process behind this fascinating “surreal-horror-romance” visual novel. Us Lovely Corpses is a VN I considered reviewing for this blog when I read it, but I struggled to write a review that would be interesting and accessible—explaining the parts that most impressed and resonated with me would mean spoiling it completely. But I encourage anyone who can handle some disturbing content in service of a great story and heartfelt message to try it out. This interview will start with some more general questions, and it includes a warning farther down before any spoilers for Us Lovely Corpses appear.

Question: Did you always plan for the story of Us Lovely Corpses to be a visual novel, or did you consider other mediums as well?

Answer: In its earliest stages, Us Lovely Corpses was actually planned as a comic! I came up with the original idea somewhere around 2014-2015—it was going to be about 10 pages, and would just cover the scene that ended up being the game's finale. Alex and Marisol (who weren't named yet) were very different—they were much younger, Alex wasn't really "a witch," and Marisol was originally a boy!

I sat on the idea a while, and the longer I did so the more I wanted to explore the history of these characters, which made for a longer and more unwieldy comic. Then in 2015, when I started learning about visual novels, it hit me that the concept could work really well in that format, especially when the "exploration" element came in.

Q: Were there any particular visual novels that influenced you?

A: Yes! The reason why I started getting into visual novels specifically in 2015 was that because that was the year We Know The Devil came out!

We Know The Devil totally shifted my viewpoint as to what a visual novel could be—no diss to dating sims, but before WKTD, I, like most people, just saw VNs as dating sims and occasionally something like the When They Cry series.

WKTD totally changed that for me—a short, incredibly contained story that also managed to be about so, so much, in a surreal, horror-inspired atmosphere . . . it really blew me away! Not only was it the game that got me into visual novels, but you can definitely see a lot of its influence on Us Lovely Corpses.

Besides WKTD, there was also Her Tears Were My Light, a fairly minimalist love story that used the "rewind" function in Ren’Py as part of the story. Utilizing mechanics as part of the narrative was a really cool idea to me that also ended up in ULC. (side note: I met and hired Alex Huang to do the music for Us Lovely Corpses because I loved the soundtrack for HTWML so much!)

Finally, I was really into the original Gyakuten Saiban (Ace Attorney) trilogy when I was younger, and the evidence gathering segments were a big part of those games. I originally envisioned the "rose clipping" segments of ULC like those parts, where you'd have to select each rose before cutting it, but sadly that was a little too complex for me at the time, and I eventually decided to go for something more simple in order to complete the game. But that initial idea was a big part of what made me try Us Lovely Corpses as a game, so it ended up still being a big influence in the end!

Q: Besides technical things like those mechanics and the exploration element, do you find that you have a different style of writing in visual novels as opposed to the stories you've done in other formats, like twine and comics?

A: I'm not sure if this is always the case for visual novels, but I find I have to format my writing differently when writing for VNs—specifically, in length of sentences and paragraphs. I've found my writing worked a lot better in Us Lovely Corpses the more I broke everything up into smaller fragments—larger ones or paragraphs didn't work as well, which can be a problem for me because my writing can tend to get a bit wordy!

This has to do a lot with the pacing of visual novels and how the player/reader is a big part of that. Control over pacing is a big part of why visual novels appeal to me, but you also have to think differently to get the best result.

Technical stuff aside, I found that, at least for ULC, my actual writing style remained pretty much the same. I think this has the benefit of making the writing in Us Lovely Corpses seem unique, but has the disadvantage of posing a problem for a certain something I didn't see coming at all: Let’s Players!

A few people have made videos of their playthroughs of Us Lovely Corpses, which is incredibly exciting, but when I watch them, I can't help but feel bad for them because they always read everything out loud . . . which means, with my somewhat wordy style, they have to do a LOT of talking!

I haven't actually gotten complaints about this or anything, but I still hope people who make videos of their playthroughs of ULC keep some water nearby!

Note: the next part of the interview contains spoilers for Us Lovely Corpses, as well as discussion of mental illness.

Q: As the story progresses, it becomes explicitly clear that the “monster” is Marisol’s bipolar disorder. Did you ever think about leaving the metaphor more ambiguous, and if so, what made you decide to be so direct instead?

A: I'd say if the "monster" was one specific thing, it would her Ocular Rosaceae, as it's the one specific thing that gives a physical form to Marisol's thoughts and unhealthy behaviors. But even that, in a way, is not taking into account her bipolar disorder and depression, her jealousy towards Alex, her self-loathing and introversion . . . "the monster" is all of those things, because at its core, the monster is mental illness. And mental illness is never just one thing, but many things and factors interacting at once to create something much bigger than a single diagnosis.

All that said, it's not incorrect to say that Marisol's bipolar disorder is the monster; it's just more accurate to say it’s part of Marisol's monster. Back when ULC was still a comic, I wasn't going to talk about specific diagnoses, but as the story grew I realized I wanted to talk more explicitly about mental illness. I don't exactly remember where the idea came about, but early on in the writing process I got that idea in my head of Alex finding that fake corpse and finding that doctor's diagnosis. In retrospect, it was a really, really weird scene, especially as it comes right off the heels of realizing what you thought was a dead body was just a weird joke, but I do like what it represents—in the middle of this surreal trip into a house filled with talking flowers, the story suddenly halts as you soak in this very blunt reminder that, magic aside, this is a world that is representative of the real world. Marisol may have a magical disease and be best friends with a witch, but she's a very real girl, so to speak.

So that harsh reminder is part of why I wanted to be so direct. I guess the other part would be that I just wanted to make no bones about it. Some things you want to leave up to interpretation, and some things you don't. From the very, very beginning the story was always about mental illness, so it just felt right to me to be upfront about it.

Q: One thing I noticed that I thought showed a lot of attention to detail in ULC was that in one of the rooms you explore there are two famous paintings that both have connections to suicide (Millais’s Ophelia and van Gogh’s Wheatfield with Crows). Are there any other little symbolic details like that you added to the story that some readers might have missed?

A: Ah, I'm glad you caught that! If I had stuck with the more Ace Attorney style of gameplay I would have liked to put more small details like that in. As it stands, the big example is probably pretty obvious—Alex's notes about each rose are fairly close to the standard "flower language" of different rose colors in real life. The fact that yellow roses can mean "jealousy" or "friendship" depending on what source you use actually ended up working very well with the story.

The last names of Alex and Marisol are probably pretty obvious: de Rosa ("of the Rose") and Flores ("Flowers"). Something that's probably less apparent is Marisol, a name that originally comes from a contraction of "Maria de La Soledad" ("Our Lady Of Solitude"), one of the titles given to the Virgin Mary.

Q: Was the flower language the reason you used roses rather than any other flower, or were there other inspirations for that as well?

A: There were a number of reasons! One being that Revolutionary Girl Utena was a big influence on my style and particularly on several parts of the game. There's also the whole dichotomy with roses/thorns. And there's also the simple fact that I have fun drawing roses!

Q: For my last question, are you working on any other visual novels right now?

A: I am as a matter of fact! I'm working on a visual novel set in Japan about some high school kids who explore a strange house. It's still in fairly early stages, but I think if I give it my all I will actually have a demo ready in time for Halloween, which would be great!

I’m definitely looking forward to seeing that demo—even more so after learning about all of the serious thought d Marie Licea puts into the details and themes of her work. If you’re as excited as I am about updates on her upcoming projects, you can follow her on itch.io or twitter, and considering supporting her patreon. Thanks for reading!

#visual novel #visual novels #d marie licea #us lovely corpses #interview

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eideticreid · 7 years ago

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Bonding » Spencer Reid

Pairing: Reader x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 1,924

Warnings: None

Summary: You’ve been working at the BAU for a week now, and the small decision to stay behind for lunch one day, gives you some alone time with Spencer Reid.

It had been a week since you became the newest member of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. A week of you settling into your new job and getting to know your team mates, building and earning the trust you needed to be an efficient team.

Your first week had mostly consisted of filling out piles and piles of paperwork that seemed to endlessly appear on your desk. Your once clean and organised area now a chaotic mess of papers, folders and idle stationary.

Paperwork aside, you’d managed to become well acquainted with your team mates, becoming particularly close to Penelope Garcia. During your lunch breaks you’d find comfort perched in a chair beside the blonde in her office, watching cute and funny video’s on her many computers.

You’d also spent a decent amount of time with Derek too, mainly because his desk was literally across from yours. You enjoyed the flirtatious banter he gifted to all the women he encountered — earning scoffs from a certain genius — and you melted at the relationship he had with Penelope.

Elle and J.J were still relatively new to you, since you hadn’t interacted with them as much. The brunette would occasionally join in on conversations, but was more focused on her work than the others, whilst the blonde was always locked away in her separate office resulting in you hardly ever seeing her.

And you couldn’t forget about Spencer.

You hadn’t really gotten to know him that well over the past week, but he had thrown out some random facts at you and found himself in many of his passionate speeches more than once.

But that was more than enough for you. You could listen to Spencer Reid’s voice all day long.

However, you were now beginning your second week at the Behavioral Analysis Unit. You still hadn’t been called out on a case, your body now itching for action and drama, and you wondered if you were ever going to make it out onto the field.

As you walked into the bullpen at the start of a brand new week, you noticed that the usual early bird wasn’t sat at his desk with a book in his hands. It was weird to not see and have the long haired boy greet you.

Maybe Spencer was sick today?

“Good morning, pretty girl.” Derek greeted, as he turned on his computer opposite you.

“Morning, D.” You had both adapted to the nicknames you’d given each other.

“How was your weekend? Do anything nice?”

You shook your head, “Not really. Just caught up on some shows and did some cooking. What about you?”

“I went out with Elle on Saturday night,” He looked over his shoulder at the brunette, “Hooked up with a few girls. It was a great time.”

“Yeah, until you left me for that Latina girl.” Elle looked accusingly at Derek, who chuckled.

You smiled to yourself as the two co-workers began some banterous bickering between themselves about their weekend, whilst you started up your computer for the day. You were so focused on Derek and Elle’s words you almost missed Spencer Reid coming into the bullpen.

He stopped at your desk before settling in himself, and when you looked up at his tall frame to see a coffee cup being handed to you, you couldn’t help but smile.

“This is for you.” You took the warm cup from him gratefully, “Coffee, two sugars. It’s from my favourite place a couple of blocks away.”

“Thank you, Spencer. You didn’t have to.”

“I know. I uh, I wanted to.” He smiled before settling into his desk.

You examined the logo sprawled across the cup — Mini Joe’s — a place you’d never heard of before. Strange. You brought the warm beverage to your lips, took a small sip and felt the warm liquid travel down your throat, leaving the right amount of sweetness in your mouth.

“Wow, Spence. This place sells some good coffee.” You hadn’t realised you’d just called Spencer by a nickname, allowing the name to flow mindlessly from your lips.

But the genius had noticed.

J.J was the only person who ever called him Spence, others just opting to call him Reid or his actual name. He liked it though. And because you made him feel an unfamiliar way, he blushed at the slip of the nickname.

“I’m glad you like it,” He smiled, “Did you know the earliest credible evidence of drinking coffee was in Yemen in southern Arabia, back in the middle of the fifteenth century? It was there in Arabia that coffee seeds were first roasted and brewed similar to how it’s prepared today.”

“I did not know that.” You giggled, “I thought it all started in Brazil, honestly.”

“Easy mistake,” He shrugged, “Brazil is now the leading grower of coffee, producing one-third of the world total.”

“Interesting.” You pondered, taking another sip of the delicious drink.

The morning had passed slowly, everyone wasting another day on their computers and completing paperwork. All you could think about the whole morning was how Spencer had bought you coffee.

He took time to think about you early in the morning, and your love for coffee. And even though he has an eidetic memory, you were touched that he remembered you had two sugars too.

With the morning been and gone, and every member of the team wishing for a case, it was now lunch time. A time that everyone, including yourself, embraced with huge relief.

The bullpen had now become empty with few agents dotted around finishing up loose ends. You and Spencer were two of the few agents, both politely declining to join the others for lunch in the cafe down the street.

“Didn’t fancy going to lunch with the others today?” Spencer asked.

“No, I brought lunch with me this time.”

He smiled, “Mind if I join you then?”

Your heart started to race at the simple fact Spencer wanted to join you for lunch, you were yet to spend one-on-one time with him. You politely nodded though and scrambled to move the paperwork out the way to make some room for him.

“Did you have a nice weekend?” He asked, as he wheeled his seat at the edge of your desk.

“Yeah, I did thanks. How about you?”

“My weekend was good too, thanks.”

Spencer grabbed for his apple he had packed, as both of you tried to find a conversation starter to make this situation a little less awkward. You didn’t really know much about him and he didn’t really know much about you.

However, the genius managed to find a topic much quicker than you did. “Are they your parents?”

You instinctively looked over at your picture frame containing their picture, “Yeah. That was taken a few days after their wedding.”

“You look exactly like your mother there. Just as beautiful.” It took a second for him to realise what he said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I uh, I didn’t mean for that to sound inappropriate.”

You blushed, “It’s okay, really.” Your genuine smile was enough to reassure him, “Thank you for the compliment.”

He too, was now blushing, “You’re welcome.” He paused, “So um, do you have any siblings?”

You nodded, “An older brother. His name is (Y/B/N).” You took a bite out of your salad, “Are there any other Reid geniuses?”

He chuckled, “No, I’m the only child.”

You watched as his features changed ever so slightly, his forehead crinkling in thought as he contemplated something. His focus was fixed on the apple in his hand, his hazel eyes avoiding yours, and for a moment you thought you might have said something wrong.

“Did I say something wrong?” You almost whispered, “I apologise if I did.”

Spencer instantly looked at you, “No. No, you didn’t say anything wrong.” He paused, “I was just wondering what it would’ve been like to have a sibling.”

“It’s not all its cracked up to be. The amount of times (Y/B/N) and I would fight,” You giggled, “It drove my parents insane.”

Spencer smiled weakly, “I think I would have preferred that.” There was a beat of silence, “My um, my parents split when I was ten. My mum, she uh, she has schizophrenia. That resulted in their split.”

Your heart broke at the thought of ten year old Spencer dealing with his parents break up and his mother’s horrible diagnosis. That kind of situation would be hard on any child, let alone a child with the kind of mind he has.

“Wow, Spencer, I’m so sorry.” You breathed, “How is your mum doing now?”

He smiled genuinely, “Yeah she’s okay. Getting the help she needs back home in Las Vegas. Thanks for asking.”

In Spencer’s eyes you were a gift from God. Maybe even a gift to the genius himself.

Whenever he told someone about his mother’s illness — which was hardly ever — the look of fear and sorrow always crossed their features, before they’d make an excuse to leave the conversation.

There was usually three reasons why they’d leave, either because they didn’t care; didn’t know how to talk about the subject, or because they classed his mother as some crazy woman which therefore meant he was crazy too.

But you were different. A good different.

Spencer changed the subject, “Is that you in your other picture?”

Again, you instinctively looked over at the picture frame beside your computer, “Yeah, that’s me and my best friend.”

“You look so young. How old were you there?”

“Fifteen.” You giggled, “Please don’t ask why we were pulling those faces, because I don’t know the answer to that.”

He chuckled, “I bet she’s proud of you becoming an FBI agent.”

“I’d like to believe she would be.”

Spencer frowned at your comment as he watched you stab your salad, with a sad smile on your face. You looked over at him as his hazel eyes searched your face for answers, and you knew it would be best to just explain.

“She was uh, she was killed when we were sixteen. That was actually one of the last pictures taken of us.”

Spencer processed your words, “I’m so sorry.”

“She was actually the reason I became an FBI agent.” You explained, “Still to this very day her murder hasn’t been solved. Maybe it never will. But the experience inspired me to become an agent so I can bring justice to the families who lose someone like that.”

“I know I didn’t know her, but I have a feeling she would’ve been proud of you.” He smiled.

Spencer wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was glad you were there. Obviously what you went through was traumatic and he wouldn’t wish that upon anyone, but he was glad that you ended up here at the Behavioral Analysis Unit.

“Thanks, Spencer.” You smiled and took another bite of your salad, “So, I’m curious about your education. Derek has briefly mentioned before that you have like, doctorates and bachelor degrees?”

Spencer shifted in his seat uncomfortably as he nodded, “I uh, went to Cal Tech and earned myself three doctorates in Engineering, Chemistry and Mathematics. I uh, also earned two bachelor degrees in Psychology and Sociology.”

“Wow. I think that’s so cool.”

He blushed, “Not many people find that cool.”

“Well, I’m not many people.”

He smiled widely, “No, you are not.”

As you both fell into a comfortable silence, the beautiful blonde Jennifer Jareau had rushed calmly into the bullpen with Hotch closely behind her. At the sight of folders clasped in her hands, you could only hope this meant one thing.

“(Y/L/N), Reid. Finish up with lunch.” Hotch called from across the bullpen, “We’ve got a case. Meet in the conference room in ten.”

Your eyes widened at the thought of finally getting to go out onto the field. You turned to Spencer who could sense the excitement and eagerness that bubbled inside you, and all he did was chuckle.

“Welcome to your first case, (Y/N).”

#Spencer Reid #Spencer Reid imagine #Criminal Minds #Reader x Spencer Reid #Aaron Hotchner #Derek Morgan #Elle Greenaway #Jennifer Jareau #Criminal Minds fic #Criminal Minds imagine

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mrsreevcs · 6 years ago

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FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES FROM 2016 TO 2018 / PRIVATE CITIZEN. *

･:*:･ﾟ☆ ( jessica chastain. forty-six. cisfemale. she/her ) ↷ isadora m. reeves has been spotted running around washington, dc. they have been a former supervisory special agent for two months. their friends describe them to be analytical, forthright, & methodical while others describe them to be fickle, neutral & resentful. will they survive this new administration and be part of history? only time will tell. ･:*:･ﾟ☆ *

full name: isadora mariëlla reeves ( née van zoelen )

age: forty - six [ 46 years old ]

nickname(s): isa / auntie dory ( kids in family )

birthdate/zodiac sign: april 11th , 1972 / aries

birthplace: manhattan , new york city , new york

romantic/sexual orientation: panromantic + bisexual

occupation: retired supervisory special agent ( fbi )

hola hola ! i’m frankie and i go by the she/her pronouns ; i’m so thrilled to be a part of politicushq. you’ve no idea ! this is the love of my life , isadora & i hope y’all love her as much as i do even though she might have a tough exterior. i’m extremely eager to write her out ! i’m TRASH™ when it comes to describing my characters but i’ll try my very best. she means well even if you don’t think she does ! i don’t even know what else to say about myself but if you’d like to plot or even chat , my d*scord is : farrokh bulsara#7928 . i’m trying to get the hang of it still, but feel free to add me on there if it’s easier. please love us & thank you so much for taking the time in reading this pretty lame introduction. ♡ she is kind of inspired by emily prentiss from criminal minds.

life before moving into the white house:

ISADORA van ZOELEN was born in the manhattan borough of new york city to dutch-french ( naturalized american citizens ) parents who migrated to the united states in the 60′s to seek the american dream lifestyle. her parents, constantin & nadine, are hard-working, reliable people and raised their kids in a middle - class working family. they didn’t live a privileged life but they sure had a roof over their heads, and that was something to be thankful for ( considering manhattan is somewhat of an expensive city to live in ).

the redhead has always had ambitions of giving back to her community and work for the nation’s law enforcement agency: the federal bureau of investigation. that was her goal ever since graduating from stuyvesant high school in 1990. she hoped and prayed for her well-being.

she met edward reeves in her second year at university, and boy did she fall in love. they were complete opposites or that is what she assumed. there was no way that isadora’s in his league. however, they were both really ambitious and dedicated for wanting to pursue their careers; that’s when it all started for them.

they dated for a few years, marrying two years after graduating. she still didn’t think she was good enough for him but did everything she could to become an fbi agent. luckily, she received his support. through thick and thin, everything was going well when she started training at quantico.

her training days were HARD but worth it. she was competivite and was inclined to be supportive and worked best as/with a team. only a few are handpicked to work in the dept that she aimed for. she proved her point, she finally made it through sweat, tears and blood. isadora’s highly skilled/trained with weaponry, mixed martial arts, and self-defense.

when she was 27 years old, isadora was pregnant with their child and welcomed MASON into the world. edward and isadora’s first-born, their only son. they were over the moon! their family was growing. she never thought she’d ever become a mother but holding him in her arms changed her. she was absolutely terrified but isadora’s heart grew warmer.

before she knew it, she was back at work after being on maternity leave. she’d go to work doing everything for her husband, son; their small family. long hours at work & on the field were excruciating. all she wanted to do was be home with their baby boy. 9 hour shifts would turn into almost 14 hour shifts. she would rarely sleep by the time she’d get home. however, edward and isadora hired a nanny to care for their son while they were away.

whenever isadora was home, she’d never talk about work. she’s witnessed some of the most heartbreaking cases ever and had gotten even emotional over time whenever kids were involved. it's not something any person should witness yet she was strong. she had to have a tough exterior for the victims and their well-being.

trying her best to not seem invasive in their lives, she’d make sure everything went according to plan. no schemes, no bullshit. you don’t want to get on her bad side; she’ll scold and tell someone off in front of people if she has to they ever did something cynical just for their own interest. she’ll remind them that it’s not about them, it’s about the people. she doesn’t have time to babysit people who are grown and know from right and wrong. it should be evident.

the next thing she knew, she was pregnant with their second child, a daughter, SALLY ANN. she was welcomed into the world 1+ year after mason. holding her in her arms made her realize that she had to dedicate her time to being a mom, before she didn’t have the time to do so anymore. she decided to leave work although it was a tough decision. she loved her job but she loved her kids even more. she had to be there for them. she let their nanny off on paid-leave and offered them to come back whenever they wanted. ( the nanny had their own room in the reeves’ residence )

as soon as her children were adolescents, she went back to work confident as ever. fast forward a couple of years and edward has decided to run for president; releasing his presidential campain in 2016. ISADORA WAS BLINDSIDED. going into politics was something she did not want her family to go through. she became furious when he actually won the electoral college vote. there were days when she couldn’t even look at him.

resulting in his win, she thought she lost everything. not her family life but her career, everything she worked for. would it be possible to still work for the fbi and become the first lady of the united states? there was but she was assigned desk work and became miserable. she wasn’t too happy.

living in the white house:

it was evident that the reeves’ lives changed forever. before moving into the white house, their daughter had turned to isadora and had trouble breathing. sally had a panic attack. she was upset and spoke to edward when they arrived home. isadora didn’t know how to control her temper, so she became extremely protective of sally after her panic disorder diagnosis. has she failed her family?

she lost her confidence after being blindsided and eventually moving into the white house. she still worked for the agency but it wasn’t the same anymore. what was the point? she was willing to risk her life but not like this, not as the first lady.

a year of being in the white house, she realized that her husband’s agenda wasn’t what was planned through his campain. what was going on? lies and schemes of politicians, she thought. the redhead starting asking around about edd’s progress with a sincere smile on her face ... but wasn’t always given the answers she was looking for. little did they know, she could easily read people’s behavior but kept her mouth shut most of the time and was observant. after all, that was her job.

as a mother, isadora encouraged her children to do what they wanted with their studies. not forcing them to stick around at the white house if they didn’t want to. BULLSHIT. it was all shit and her life was changing far too much. she’s a chameleon, however. she wanted to avoid blaming her husband for what was happening. she had to clean up his mess.

isadora decided to let everything go and went along with it. all she wanted was a psychiatrist to talk to her and ease her life a little bit, but avoided thinking about it.

september 30th, the day she’d spoken to edward about his progress, being a supportive wife rather than a bitter one. it was the first time they’d spoken to each other as husband and wife. just themselves that morning. it was special. she felt loved. she needed to make it up to him somehow, apologizing endlessly. he forgave her.

sticking around the white house, or tending to her first lady duties, she was eventually escorted to a safer place. the next thing isadora knew, she was on her way to the hospital. one of the secret service agents had told her what happened. she was in shock. not realizing that she was the first one there, her husband arriving shortly after, she panicked. it wasn’t obvious but she panicked.

president reeves and vice president samuels are pronounced dead. isadora fell into the hospital floor on her knees. there weren’t tears in her eyes yet, but isa didn’t know how to react either. she never thought her husband and their colleague would end up being assassinated. mrs. reeves was furious. although being by her husband’s lifeless body, she didn’t leave his side. she couldn’t even after everything they went through. she couldn’t find it in her heart to deliver the news to mason and sally ann, not being able to form sentences when she’d open her mouth to speak.

she wants to hide from the world, longing to return to her hometown of new york city. she wants to get away. away from the press, away from everyone. she knew people had different opinions about potus and vpotus, but why did they have to be assassinated? that shoudn’t have happened. where was security, the secret service agents? endless questions were running through her mind. but running away wasn’t a solution. she wanted to do something. she needed answers? should she go back to the fbi headquarters? she didn’t know what to do.

her former co-workers have reached out to her, she had tears in her eyes after hearing every single one of their voices. was the new female president going to kick her out of the white house? where could she go? she didn’t realize how much she missed working with her unit. she needs to come back but she felt like she was a target after her husband’s death... even though she didn’t have much to do with his agenda. she did clean up his mess and maybe people were beginning to figure it out. she’s gotten paranoid.

two months later, november 25th, president reeves’ funeral comes around. isadora couldn’t stay longer than a few hours, so she had to leave. it was all overwhelming. she’d have her sunglasses on, never having the intention of taking them off, and her eyes red from crying. she didn’t want to be seen. she was truly grateful from the outpouring support and condolences she’s received but... her life changed. she no longer had the love of her life with her, by her bedside, raising their children despite being a changing man after involving himself in politics.

what could she possibly do? she didn’t know where to go or who to trust. she did, however, support the new president, carolyn anderson. what was her agenda going to be like? she didn’t know? if anything, she’d stand by her if the time were to come but now isn’t the greatest time. isadora will eventually come back to her altruistic self, and hopefully soon. because when she’s back, no one will want to mess with her. she’ll be a changing woman.

revised and edited on november 27th at 9:57AM. edited again to add the info at 10:19. lmao i forgot to add the info.

i don’t know if it was mentioned before, but her main priority for becoming an agent was to provide safety to minority groups. it’s important to her. if no one else would stand up to injustices, then why can’t she? yes, isadora is a white woman but she’ll be your ally through and through. if she could’ve had the chance, she would’ve ran her president herself. but it’s not her cup of tea.

shit, i forgot what else. it’ll come back to me sooner or later.

#politicus.intro #panic disorder tw #panic attack tw #death tw #WHAT A FUCKIN MESS™

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soapboxmomma-blog · 6 years ago

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My Weight Loss Confession

Enough already! For the sake of possibly helping just one person, I’m going to be super vulnerable and honest right now. I think I am recovering from disordered eating. That’s the first time I admitted that aloud (or on paper), and it feels scary and cathartic, all at once.

The crazy thing is, I didn’t encounter this type of behavior in myself until I hit 30. What started out as a goal to bring down my cholesterol levels, turned into a beast, in its own right. I first got motivated when my Doctor told me I had cholesterol levels of 60 year old, when I was just 30 years old. Being only at the high end of normal weight, this was shocking news to me. But high cholesterol runs in my family, and I felt behooved to work hard to make changes, to get in into a healthier range. I started counting calories and working out more. The first 10 lbs came off pretty quickly and the labs proved I had improved my cholesterol into a healthy zone. So I should have stopped there, right? But during this weight loss “journey” (I really despise that word in this context, but in this case it’s to make a point) something else started happening in my life that had never happened before- friends started praising my new body and noticing how “thin” and “great” I looked. It felt great to get these types of accolades. I also started becoming obsessed with the scale and how my clothes now all fit. I liked feeling thin and in control. Perhaps since other things in my life were way out of my control (my son got a devastating diagnosis of muscular dystrophy around this time), this was something I could tackle and achieve, in spite of everything going on around me.

I’m not sure if others in my generation had a similar experience growing up, but I never really had body image issues as a teen. I attribute this to my mom and my sister always praising being beautiful, curvy Jewish women. Being an active kid and teen meant I was always moving and never took a moment to consider my size and calorie intake. The ironic thing is, recently a friend pointed out how when she saw an old photo of me in my teens I looked bigger then I did now (she meant this as a compliment, but we can leave the whole “complimenting weight loss” for another time). And you know what, she was absolutely right. But, I felt amazing then. I was a carefree teen, I had tons of friends, I was too busy enjoying my youth to notice the “extra” weight I was carrying around. I felt very good in my body, and I had all the confidence in the world.

One very important factor, in this teenage healthy body image equation, is the fact that social media was non-existent back then. We didn’t even text when I was a teen (I spent hours gabbing on my personal landline, which was super awesome and cool in 1999). There was no comparison “live feed” happening on my phone, as a constant reminder of what I am not. Nobody was selling me their diet or flashing before and after photos or themselves and others. I could live in my blissful unawareness of what I “should” look like. Beauty magazines never appealed to me. I was more into classic rock and journaling. My friends were all shapes and sizes too, and we were a close knit group that never body shamed each other. We were a group dealing with more important real life dramas (two friends lost parents, two friends parents were going through divorces), and we had grown up and were beyond the trappings of what some of our peers were focused on.

All in all, I never battled with the voice inside telling me I needed to shrink until I was an adult. But after I lost those initial pounds, I was addicted. I liked watching the scale go down, and everyone around me praising me for my accomplishments. I joined Weight Watchers and started to track everything that went in my mouth. Different foods had different values and I was the sum of this value. My daily life was based around this number and if I was “good” or “bad” that day. As hard as I tried though, I could never get to my final “goal”, that was really not a healthy goal and not a necessary place to be, as I had already reached my health goal of lowering my cholesterol. Luckily, things changed. Because of another medical situation going on (I’m totally fine, thank G-d), I had to give up on my weight obsession for a while. This has given me time to pause and reflect and my eyes have been opened to all the weight obsession going on around me. Whether it is a particular diet, product, pill or fitness program, it seems like every other person I know on social media is selling “thin”. Possibly one of the most triggering of posts is those before and after photos. The message: your life will be so much better after you turn into the person you SHOULD be, and so long as you stay the way you are, you aren’t your best self, you aren’t reaching your potential. Translation: your size is your worth. This is what they are selling, regardless of the “health” they may be promoting.

What kind of message is this for our young women? Don’t we live in the time of women standing up to bullies? Truthfully, we may be our own biggest bullies. It’s so true, that you really can become your own worst enemy. And if you truly have a health risk and need to lose weight, then moderation should be the goal, not emaciation. Yes, I know there are some people who may then take this too far, and think I’m normalizing and accepting obesity, but trust me, this is not the case. In fact, I think this whole obsession may be at the center of the “obesity epidemic”, and in the struggle of trying to achieve perfection one gives up completely and therefore we end up with the very dangerous yo-yo dieting that causes so much harm to the body.

Let’s strive for moderation. Let’s each salads but enjoy a piece of chocolate. Let’s focus on foods that make us feel good, not just look good. I recently cut out gluten and soy, for thyroid management purposes, and I have noticed I actually feel better off of these foods. I’m listening to my body, and not someone else’s definition of beauty and worth. If I am able to turn this around I think others can to. I invite all women to join together, and think about ways we can combat this battle. Social media moves at lightning speed, so in some ways it feels like an uphill battle, but I do think there is hope. I have seen women and communities come together against hate, and it’s inspiring to witness the changes that have been made and will continue to be made. We have called out the male bullies in our midsts and now it’s time to call ourselves out and demand a better direction. It’s only our physical, mental and emotional health at risk. I think it’s worth it.

My mom and I back in my teen, carefree, slightly heavier days.

#healthybodyandmind #weightlossreality #strongnotskinny

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iphoenixrising · 7 years ago

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I can't stop thinking about your Dr!Tim verse (This isnt a prompt btw, I just wanted you to know that Ive been thinking about your writing and how much its inspired me. Sorry for how long this is). I keep imagining the man on the bridge being the hot topic on every news station and paper, even more than Batman and Robin. Everyone wants to know who he is. Is he ok? Did he give his life saving his fellow Gotham citizens? There are a lot of questions

(2)and few answers. Those in the loop are more than content to leave it that way,but somehow it gets leaked that Gothams new hero is a young prodigy doctor atGotham General. Tim is not made aware of this until he gets mobbed by reportersas he’s leaving his 36 hour shift and getting asked a lot of innapropriatepersonal questions. And it’s not nearly as funny as you seem to think it is,Jason.

(3)Of course his boyfriends quickly stop finding the situation funny once the joboffers from all over the world start rolling in. Dozens of them, all offeringthings like millions of dollars in salary, positions like chief of surgery, allin state of the art hospitals that are properly funded and don’t reside incities with crazy clown attacks. And it hurts because, how could they ask himto stay? How could they ask their genius sugar to tie himself down to a city

(4)that chews everyone in it up and spits them out, to be a doctor in a hospitalbarely scraping by, how could they ask their genius boy to refuse a once in alifetime opportunity to escape this shithole of a city and make something bigof himself, all to stay with two vigilantes who cant guarantee they’ll make ithome each night. They couldn’t do it, they want whats best for their boy, evenif it means he leaves them. They can’t ask him to stay.

(5)Damian of course has no such qualms about blackmailing, er requesting Drakestay in the city, and subsequently with his older brothers (Because if he hurtsthem, Damian will hurt Tim twice as bad). Which leads to a very awkwardconversation in which Damian threatens Tim not to leave, Tim is confusedbecause “who said anything about leaving?” And then they have a heartto heart about how Tim isn’t stuck at Gotham general, he chose that hospital.And that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

So, hi babe :D Iknow this has been sitting in my inbox for a minute, sorry >.

Brilliant, babe. Justbrilliant.

I also get to play withanother back-and-forth I haven’t really gotten to yet in these little things,so I’m super excited for B and Tony Stark to just have a little snark-fest,yeah?

Tony showed up a fewweeks early for his quarterly “visit” to Gotham.

It’s disconcertingbecause Tony Stark goes between creating new innovations to privatelyconsulting around the US on the most dire of cases in need of a precise handand large enough ego to make miracles happen. He might have to do somebookkeeping even though Pepper is his CEO and runs his company with iron heels. When he’s not working, he has a nice relationship waiting for himat home.

All of it didn’t leaveTony much time to be running to Gotham before schedule to do someridiculous amount of pouting.

And yet?

Here they are.

When Tim actually getsto turn away from the stack of charts he’s updating, he has an oh shitmoment because Tony…isn’t immediately talking. No white coat, just asnazzy three-piece, arms crossed over his chest, and utterly

Silent.

Tim automaticallystands, taking in his old mentor from head to foot, looking for clues toadd to the inevitable diagnosis hovering in his brain pan.

(Because, you know, thattime when he was still a lowly bachelor and could take a month off of Mercy topretty much live in Tony’s facility while things like brain tumors threatenedhis Tony Stark’s life. His hands didn’t shake the whole time he was rootingaround that famous mound of grey matter–that’s when he knew he’d hit the bigleagues.)

“If you even think,”Tony starts, low and angry, “of taking the offer from UCLA over mine, Iwill be an even bigger asshole about your terrible life choices.”

Oh.

Oh shit.

Word has apparently gottenaround.

It started out with aquick blurb on the news, blurry camera phone picture of emergency workers andplain clothes civilians jumping to action in the middle of a crisis, a humaninterest story and all that. A glimmer of goodness among the chaos.

More picture with betterquality once the shock and aftermath died down, started to flood Social Media,even various videos of cables snapping and people running, trying not to gettrampled. One the media latched onto just happened to be of him carrying thelittle girl from the car and helping her mother up in the back of a truck tosend them to safety.

The one with himbreaking through the fallen debris made Dick gasp from the table where he waspatching his suit and Jay wrap a big hand around his ankle to squeeze.

The one where he almostlost his grip climbing the wall of broken shit and flaming car remains isprobably where someone saw the connection because the class of kids went on thenews, holding up colorful signs with Thank-You, Dr. Drake!

He was happy they allseemed fine and after an uncomfortable call from Channel 11 Gotham (howthey found out his name is still a mystery even though he suspects B is an evenbigger troll than he’d already surmised), in which he stipulated nocameras this time, went by the elementary school for a visit. They gripped hisnerd shirt with excited hands, and his arms are long enough for a lot ofhugs.

But while Channel 11agreed to his term of no cameras, no interviews, that didn’t really panout when it came to the story later on that night.

His picture flashed allover the damn place, the resident angel on the bridge as one Dr. Drakefrom Mercy General trying to save as many lives as he could. More video clipsand interviews after the fact (he’s so glad to see that Karmen and her mom areokay), and dammit, he’s being literally attacked outside thedouble doors to his ER after a very long shift without Steph. He mighthave been a little mean when he told them in no specific terms that he was onlytrying to make sure people didn’t, you know, die horribly, as is hisnormal, every-day job, and please let him go home where he can pass outfor a day or he’s going to lie down on someone’s shoes and take a nap.

Jay was predictablyentertained at the whole of it. Dick merely told him his kick-ass doctorinstincts deserved appropriate accolades.

Both of them areassholes, but still, they’re his assholes.

But eventually, likeeverything in Gotham, those videos became old news and the next wave ofinevitable oh shit became front and center. Which, should have meant hisfifteen seconds of fame was pretty much over (thankfully)–if he hadn’tstarted getting other interest.

Several offers startedcoming first by mail to the Penthouse, more by phone and email. Unassumingproper stationary with silver and gold lettering, bright voicemails about his“heroism” and obvious skill in emergency situations, emails from high-rankingdoctors or board members extending an invitation to visit their campus and seeif his career might be going in a new direction.

(Gag)

It was pretty easy atfirst, chucking those finely detailed introduction letters in the trashdiscreetly, sending back appreciative declines without Dick or Jason gettingwise as to how many there actually were.

(John Hopkinsthough…that one he had to think about)

A month later and thingsslacked off (or might be routed through Drake Industries so they stop coming tothe Penthouse). Apparently, though, the attention had been somewhat noticeable.

“I don’t know what youmay have heard, Tony, but–” he starts out calmly, putting the penpointedly down.

“Let me start with the shortlist,” it’s the usual sarcasm laying the mood, mimicking an imaginarychecklist, “John Hopkins, Department Head of Emergency Medicine. Mayo, General Surgery Residency Program Director. MassachusettsGeneral, Chief of Surgery. UCSF, Chief of Residents. UCLA, Chief of Staff.Cedars-Sinai, Neuroscience research grants out the ass. Sound morefamiliar?”

Well, there’s only oneway to get this conversation started.

Bonding over coffee.

Gathering up hischarts with a sigh, Tim shakes his head a little and grabs the cane he’s beenusing since his leg is finally starting to get with it (and no Steph,the House MD jokes were funny a week ago, now you need new material). Heshoos Tony out of the room and down the corridor to the chaos that is his ER.

“Notice I didn’tmention the very generous and consistent offer from StarkMedical, Tim,” because Tony really has nothing to be mad about per sayand falls in step beside him anyway, slowing down his unusually fast strides toaccount for the limp. “Because I’m not here to smooze.”

He pauses at the maindesk to arrange the charts in order, gets the approving nod from his favoriteHead Nurse.

“There’s story behindthis,” he fills in casually, “it’s more complicated than just–”

“You almost died,”Tony interrupts smoothly, “on a bridge. You ran around on a crumbling bridgeinstead of getting people the hell off while you got the hell off. Halfthe nation saw that guy with the crazy bat fetish catch someone out in openwater wearing purple scrubs, Tim.”

Well, none of that isa lie really.

Hands free, Tim gripsTony’s elbow and steers them pointedly into the break room, closes the door.With Dr. Stark roaming around Mercy, most everyone would stay clear unless somecatastrophe hits anyway.

He lets Tony stew fora few minutes while he makes a fresh pot of coffee and thinks very, very hardabout how this is going to go.

“You were worriedabout me,” Tim finally gives a half-grin in the face of Tony’s nope, andputs a fresh paper cup in his hand, “you can bluster all you want, but you wereworried, and I appreciate it.”

“That is absolute crapand you know it. I’m here to make sure no other hospitals or researchfacilities snatch you up, Drake. Not after all the effort I put into you overthe last few years.”

Sure, Tony. “The bridge. I survived. A lot of otherpeople survived, so you can ignore whatever crap the news stations aresaying–”

“All of it is true.You stupidly risked your life when the structural integrity was compromised,and since it just happened to involve that wing-nut in the cape, thenation is going to pay the fuck attention.”

Which is probably whyhe’s suddenly Mr. Popular in his field. Well, that does answer some questions.

“You’re taking thisout of proportion,” even if it’s fruitless, he’s still going to try,“there really haven’t been that many–”

“Twenty of the topfacilities in the world have made offers that would put this place to shame.Three of your last publications have shown up in recent journals. The nextsymposium you’re supposed to be at is already sold out.”

And well, shit.He…he didn’t know all of that.

“Besides, if I wasblowing it out of proportion, we wouldn’t be talking about it in thedeserted break room, Drake.”

Tim groans out loud,rubbing a tired hand down his face. How is he going to explain without soundinglike a complete moron?

“Tony, the offersare…nice, okay? I’m not going to say it isn’t cool to be wanted by someof these places. I mean Cedars… they have equipment and research facilitiesmost places couldn’t even dream of. Just the possibilities–”

A very pointedclearing of the throat makes him take a pause to breathe, count to ten becausehe has to get in the mindset to deal with Tony like this again (it’s been aminute) when he’s being incredibly stubborn.

Neither of them noticethe dark blue against black right at the side of the building, but the presenceunder the open window narrows white eyes and stays hidden in the Gotham shadow. Who even knew how long he’d been there.

“Excuse me,Cedars has equipment most facilities–aside from Stark Medical of course–couldn’teven dream of.”

The look he gets backis unimpressed at most, but Tim can see past the usual Tony Stark mask. Theexuding confidence is there like the nice, expensive suits he wears, but underneaththe brilliance and the snark, Tony’s eyes are bloodshot and the dark circlesunderneath look like bruises. He keeps his dominant hand in the pocket of hispants, probably to hide the slight tremble (which is why he isn’t wearing acoat, right? If Tony’s riding the sleep dep train, he won’t operate if hishands are starting to shake).

Tim eases back alittle, sips on his terrible sludge while idly thumbing his phone open.

“I’m very well awareof the opportunities right in front of you, Tim,” Tony starts moving, a shortwhirlwind of movement, activity, and energy. “I’m just saying–”

“What I told you ayear ago is still true,” Tim comes back, finishing up the quick text to one ofTony’s significant others, (just a little knowledge drop on how exhausted hismentor really is). He puts his phone away and crosses his arms over his chestin a firm sign of ‘this is how the discussion is going to go.’

“You can’t be serious.”And yes, that’s Tony Stark without all the touchy-feely, I care if you diekind of thing. “I’m outraged. I’m outraged on your behalf, Tim.”

“You can’t be,” hedeadpans.

“The hell I can’t.You’re going to stay here, in this death trap of a city and practicemedicine in this ill-equipped, dilapidated chop-shop hold-over from the secondWorld War–”

“Tony, c’mon.”

“While half thegoddamned world is out for you?! Do you have any idea what kindof direction your career could go if you accepted even one of thoseoffers?”

“I–”

“Anything else isliterally going to be professional suicide.”

“When you put it like that–”he snarks back, getting a little closer to his patience. It had taken longerthan usual because Tony, like Layla, needed to adults to lay it out for themonce and awhile.

“It’s time to listento reason, Tim. You’ve had plenty of time to try, I don’t know, winningthe Nobel for putting up with terrible conditions and homicidal maniacs withbomb fetishes. Isn’t it time you started challenging yourself again, and notby trying to die in this trash-dump city?”

And the shadowsoundlessly slides away in the night, leaving the conversation to finish up anecessary patrol. The rushing wind doesn’t take away anything he’s alreadylearned.

Dr. Drake, blissfullyunaware of the company, narrows his eyes dangerously, straightens up because dammit,he thought he handled this.

“I. Am. Not.Interested.” He tries, wondering if the emphasis counts. “As appealing as theresearch capabilities are, I’m not taking any of the offers. At all, atall. I’m staying right the fuck here where I choose to be.”

And he sees Tony startto open his mouth to start-up with another fast and furious argument on whyGotham is a cesspool of death and more death, but Tim walks right overanything he might have started in on by just getting right up in Tony’s faceand laying it all out.

“I appreciate the fuckout of the interest, Dr. Stark. Thanks but no thanks.”

“I need someone tocheck you out obviously.”

“I like ithere.”

“Oh? And what’s hername Mister I-Like-It-Here?”

“His name,Tony, and their names for your information.”

That has the intendedeffect and makes his old mentor pretty much pause on the next syllable.

“But just so you know,they aren’t the only reasons why I’m staying in Gotham City. It’s more thanbeing close to my parents’ graves or close to my best friend and my niece. It’smore than just finally coming home, Tony. I belong here. I’m neededhere. It’s dirty and dangerous and so fucking what if there’s a guy in aBat suit running around kicking the shit out of criminals? It’s my city,so no. I’m not going anywhere.”

And Tony just blinksdown at him for long moments, this scene so painfully familiar from their daysof arguing back and forth during his “internship” with Stark Medical. It hadn’ttaken him long to understand what needed to be done to make someone like TonyStark change his mind.

Get all up in his faceand drop some truth bombs.

“I really, really hatethis,” Tony finally replies flatly, but his eyes are scrunched in amusement.

“I know. If I ever dowant to leave it behind, then you know the first place I’m going to go,” Timcomes back more gently, giving Tony a smirk.

Even though he’sobvious not happy about it, some of the pissed off fades out of Tony’sstiff posture. “Promise me, Drake. No one gets to kill you before I pick yourbrain about the neuro-stimulation device we’re working on.”

And with the obviouspun, he leans over laughing until his damn leg starts to ache and Tony has tohold him up by the arm so he doesn’t fall over.

The very impressiveRolls Royce greets Dr. Stark when he finally makes his way out the front doorsto attempt finding some palatable coffee.

The older man waitingby the passenger-side door is familiar enough that a smile cuts across Tony’sface.

“Alfred! Long time, nosee.” He smirks at the irony since his “visits” to Gotham didn’t alwayscoordinate with Pepper’s insistence he at least be in the city for SMbusiness.

“Master Stark, apleasure to see you again, Sir.”

“Always. Let me guess.You have some incredible coffee in there waiting for me?”

“Of course, Sir. Flavoredjust how you prefer.”

“You are a master ofall things, Alfred. Don’t even let Bruce tell you any differently.”

“I shall remind him atevery opportunity. However, you may do me a service and tell him yourself,”Alfred opened the back door with a slight flourish to show the billionairehimself sitting in the back, drinking from a thick, glass tumbler.

“Aw, Bruce, is that autility belt under your shirt or are you just happy to see me?”

The surgeon foldshimself down to get in, eyes sparkling for the slight scowl on his old friend’sface. He pays little attention to Alfred getting back in the driver’s seat andstarting the car. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t trust me inyour city.”

Tony stick up hispointer fingers at the side of his head, wiggling them to mimic the ears on theside of the cowl.

He’s smiling likecrazy when B just rolls his eyes and takes a deep pull from the tumbler.“You’re early, even after you’ve been running the gambit at your facility andStark Industries for the past few weeks. Forgive me for being curious.”

“I had to see anotherdoctor about a job prospect.”

“The doctor we have amutual interest in?”

“That would be theone. Next time he needs to be saved, leave the tights at home. Don’t you have aWE helicopter for a reason?”

“And exactly how wouldI explain that one away?”

“You have PR people,Bruce, let them have a field day with ‘rich socialite accidentally savespeople on a crumbling bridge.’”

“That would make morework for me as Bruce Wayne. Batman is a better figurehead for that kind ofthing.”

“Figurehead? Oh,you mean the persona you’ve gone to great lengths to hide as some kindof myth or urban legend all these years? That guy just suddenly shows up in thedaytime?”

“He’s beenphotographed before, Tony. Sometimes even with other superheroes, likeSuperman and Wonder Woman. All drawback of being on a team.”

“Teams are wonderfulthings, Bruce.

“Says you.”

And from a pocket inthe door, Bruce finally has a little bit of mercy on the overworked genius bypulling out a warm travel mug with the Batman logo on the front.

Tony laughs maniacallyfor long, painful moments, earning another eye-roll. The contents, however, arejust as Alfred promised: full of caffeine and just as tasty.

After a long moment ofsatisfaction, Tony lays his head back on the cushy seat and just sighs.

“You’re pushingyourself too hard,” Bruce admonishes gently. “I’m going to send the WE chopperto pick up Jim and Steve instead.”

That wakes him up.

“Don’t you even dare,B. I’ll never forgive you.”

“I’ve made worseenemies.”

Tony doesn’t snortcoffee up his nose, but really, it’s a close thing.

“You obviously can’ttake care of yourself,” Bruce is his usual brusk, no-nonsense about it, butTony can see there’s already some kind of plan in the making. “I can seewhy the two of them have such a hard time with you.”

“Says the guy thatneeded an emergency arthroscopy for meniscus tears.”

“Then I guess I’m verylucky you were in town.”

Tony hums, but hiseyes are sparkling. “How is the knee doing by the way?”

“It hurts when I breaksomeone’s jaw. Other than that, it’s fine.” And because it’s Bruce, he wavesit away without a second thought.

Tony hums again, buthis eyes go down to the knee in question.

Bruce sips his drinkagain while Alfred continues driving and Tony makes him wait for it.

Finally, once they’repassing the old Mylar building, B looks at him head-on, “all right. What did hehave to say?”

Trying not to grin,Tony shrugs a shoulder, “you’ve got nothing to worry about. Drake is staying inGotham, even with the more-than-generous offer I’ve made him. Believe me, B,I’m not happy about it, but he doesn’t seem too keen on leaving Mercy General.”

And as Tony is well-awarein their long and industrious friendship, the real Bruce Wayne is like a closedbook, doesn’t let even the smallest twitch break his facade (well, except infront of his boys, which is when BatDad makes an appearance), but thesigns of relief are really hard to miss for someone that literally kept B’sright arm moving after that rotator cuff injury.

“Dick and Jay will behappy to hear that, I suppose.” Tony observes with false cheer becausehonestly, who wouldn’t put two and two together at this juncture.

(Bruce isn’t the onlydetective. As a surgeon, Tony has to deduce with little evidence, so it’s notreally a shocker to find out the vigilantes have a doctor for a sweetie. Smartmove all around.)

“…yes, they will.Tim…?”

“He didn’t have to.You just told me yourself, Mr. Wayne.”

At the frown, Tonygives himself a mental point. The day he can get one up on the Batman is reallya day he needs to remember.

“All right, fine. Jayand Dick might have mentioned he’s been getting attention outside Gotham. I’vealready taken some steps to try making it seem like staying in the city mightbe a better deal.”

And Tony’s jaw drops,“you’ve been trying to get Mercy to partner with WE! That’s why they aren’tplaying nice with Pepper! Bruce, you devil.”

“Demon, actually, ifyou believe the stories,” and now it’s Bruce smirking into his tumbler. “We’lltalk more about it over dinner. Besides, the Batcomputer is on the fritz again.You can dazzle me over filet mignon.”

“Flatterer. How can Ipossibly say no?”

Bruce taps theintercom to tell Alfred they’re ready to go back to the Manor and Dr. Starkwill be joining them for the evening. Alfred gives him an affirmative and the planis set into motion. If there just happens to be a comfortable surfacefor Tony to pass out on during the visit, well, the pictures for Jim and Stevewould be well-worth the effort.

The conversation withTony didn’t end well, leaving him with a mental hangover by the time his shiftis finally over.

Night hadn’t startedbreaking away into dawn yet, so he’s still walking by dark alleys where thestreet lights are flickering.

He gets out a, “whatthe fuck–!?” before he’s just suddenly swept up off his feet by a strongarm holding him up hundreds of feet in the air.

Really, he should beused to things like this by now.

Robin undoubtedly givesno shits about how tight he’s holding onto the doctor or, the obviousdifferences in their height as punctuated by the botched landing, putting himliterally on his ass.

“Wow, thanks for the warning,Rob. I really didn’t need legs anyway.”

In some way that mightactually show he’s sorry, Robin bends down to pick up the cane and handsit over so Tim can get back on his feet.

“Alright, what’s goingon? Where are you hurt?” He doesn’t bother with niceties, just grips Robin bythe bicep and turns him, uses the cane to hold the cape out of the way. “Pleasetell me no one stabbed you because wouldn’t that just be ironic?”

He sees no blood ortorn suit. Takes a second look just to make sure.

Robin, in a creepyparody of his conversation with Tony earlier in the evening, is silent.

“Rob? Robin, what isit?”

A litany of oh shitruns through his brain pain in the form of toxins, mind control, and bloodborne pathogens (oh my).

“I have beeninformed,” the youngest vigilante starts slowly, “you are considering other opportunitiesoutside of Gotham, Drake.”

He blinks once. Doesit again while staring down at the whiteouts.

“Opportunities? Rob–Dami,what are you talking about?”

“Facilities are vyingfor you, offering you more advantages than any in Gotham possibly could.I understand the temptation of such offers–”

“Whoa, what? Wait aminute. Just. Wait.”

“However,” Robin goeson, his tone low in the night, “I am here to offer you a bargain.”

And that in no waywhatsoever sound anything less than ominous. Like, ‘I’ll promise not to takeout your spleen’ kind ominous.

He leans down a littleso the crime fighter doesn’t have to look up at him, “First: yes, I’ve gottensome job offers. It’s nice they’re thinking of me, really, but those offers arebased off a one-time emergency incident, not because they’ve seen me inaction or know anything about my…hobbies. They’re not offering a jobto me, Dami. Do you get that?”

The ensuing silenceand Bat-stillness are signs of the younger processing.

“Besides, I choseto come back to Gotham when I could have gone pretty much anywhere after myinternship with Stark Medical. You have no idea how many places wantedme on staff after I survived Tony Stark. If I wanted a job outside of the city,I could have had it in spades. The point is I chose to be here. I wantedto stay, and that? Isn’t going to change, okay? No bargains, no threats,nothing. I’m not leaving–”

He stops himselfbefore saying I’m not leaving Dick and Jay because really, he isnot, repeat Not talking to Dami about his relationship. Poor kid mightbe traumatized for life, so nope, not happening.

(Their last littleconvo to the vibe of ‘harm my brother and I shall eviscerate you per one ofyour textbooks. I shall do it slowly and methodically. Your screams would nottrouble me’ turned into a pretty good discussion on the best possiblescenario in effectively ripping someone’s spine out. His argument against thelogistics of it had spurned Robin out of the killing mood).

The obvious relief inthe small crime fighter is right there in how his shoulders sag just slightly.

“So, you’re going tohave to put up with me saving your ass when you do stupid shit like take on anarmy of zombified Jokers without backup.”

“Then…I shall haveno other option but to deal with your meddling when necessary,” the youngerwaves off his concern, but a corner of his mouth is tilted up just enough tonotice.

It’s really nice ofDami to drop him off on his fire escape. Walking would have been fine, but whenyou can travel Air-Robin, well, why not?

He pushes his windowup and gingerly eases in, maneuvering the cane to steady his leg. Hands are onhim before his head is inside and he wacks himself a good one in surprise.

Dick is smiling gentlydown at him, still gripping his elbow to steady him.

“That sounded like ithurt,” is a failed attempt at a joke because the mirth doesn’t reach the darkblue of Dick’s eyes.

Oh. OH. Welp, that’swhere Dami got this nonsense from, is it?

His stern lecture isgoing to have to wait for at least one cup of half-way decent coffee because hereally need to wind it up so the message hits home.

Jay is already there,his chair pulled out from the kitchen table and the pot filled with somethingdarker than the night.

“Hi honey,” he tiredlycalls, “did my boys have a good time kicking the shit out of bad guys tonight?”

Making grabby hand athim, Dick is one of his hugging moods, and pretty much lifts him off hisfeet to nuzzle/carry him to the table where blessed coffee awaited. Fine.Lecture pending.

He gets a last goodnuzzle to the face before the smell of pizza hits and a plate appears in frontof him. Jason leans down to blow a breath across his jugular before his mouthpresses just enough to be a kiss, the usual effect takes his nerve endings up anotch or two before the tease pulls away.

The three of them eatin sluggish silence, the strain of their night jobs hitting a little close tohome. The call of a communal shower and their large, comfortable bed a siren’ssong to the over-worked, sleep-deprived do-gooders.

But Tim knows them bynow, knows what’s already running them further down.

Through the last yearof their relationship, they’d already been through the whole we’re puttingyou in danger just by being with you argument.

Yes, yes it possiblywas.

Yes, he is fullyaware.

Yes, he can make hisown choices fuck you very much. Apparently, his no, not changing mymind is going to come out for a second time tonight.

“Robin picked me up onthe way home,” he starts out while the two of them are finishing up and lookingless likely to start up arguing before he’s made his point.

“Dami was still out?”

“What? Baby Bat ain’tget enough in that warehouse down on 23rd?”

Tim finishes off hiscoffee and finally sets his eyes on first Jason and then Dick. “Going to ask mewhat he wanted?”

Both crime fighters gostill, doing that eye slide thing they can still pull off with a domino andhelmet.

“Lay it on us,Timmers.”

“He pretty much askedwhat offer I was accepting for some mystery job half a continent away,”and now he’s glaring, eyes narrowing when Dick looks quickly away and Jasonsits back with a tense jaw jutting out.

“Which is absolutelyfucking ridiculous considering I like right where the hell I am.Where could he have heard such a thing, I wonder?”

Oh yeah, that’s Dick’sguilty expression.

“It’s fine if theywant to offer me a position, but the nice thing about it is that I can politelydecline, you know.”

“Top twenty facilitiesin the world, Timmy?” Dick’s voice is softer than he’d like, shakingly unsurefor a vigilante that literally risks his life every night to keep peoplehe doesn’t even know safe. “That’s not something to take…lightly.”

His mouth drops openwith an are you even kidding me?

“‘Sides,” Jayintejects without really looking at him, “ain’t like this is the fucking centero’ the world fer a fella like you, Sweets. Smart, sassy, moves like yerass is on fucking fire when someone’s on the line. Ya got moreguts than anyone outta the cape I ever met.”

“Gotham doesn’t haveto be the hill you die on,” Dick picks up, looking down into the sludge left atthe bottom of his coffee mug, “we would absolutely understand andsupport you if you even wanted to look into any of these places–”

“Even go ta seewhatcha might be lookin’ at,” Jay shrugs indifferently, “make sure ya’d findsomewhere safe ta build a nest.”

“The kind oftechnology they could offer you would be, like, ground-breaking stuff and…andGotham just can’t give you that, Tim.”

“No motherfuckersgonna break inta yer shit, I guaran-fucking-tee ya on that.”

“It’s not just beingin the ER or in surgery, it’s moving up to management or teaching or being afull-time researcher with grants and–and everything.”

“Make a safe routethere n’ back, you feel me? Me n’ Dickie’ll scope it out a few days, check the scene.”

“We would never wantto hold you back, baby. Not when the only thing Gotham has to offer you isexploding bridges and insane mad men that kidnap you and ninjas that are readyto attack at any second, and…and Timmy, you could never be safe, notreally, not here. Not even with us and B and Dami and everyone else,it’ll never be completely safe for you.”

“But fucking believeit, Timmers, we’ll make any place ya wanna lay yer head down as safe as wecan, yeah?”

“We…we love you, andwe want the best for you.”

“If leavin’ is what’sbest, Sweets, then we’ll make it fucking happen.”

It’s DIck’s voicecracking and Jay’s shiny, averted eyes that end it for him right then andthere.

He shoves himself upfrom the table abruptly, a jarring motion. The sound of the chair fallingbackwards a loud clatter against the softness of their voices. He keeps a handon the table top to walk around the damn thing and almost strangle Jason bylooping an arm around the base of his throat and pull the Red Hood into hischest. He holds out his other hand to Dick, glaring with the best of hisabilities.

It’s a tremulous thingwhen Dick rises tiredly out of his seat and takes that hand, lets Tim pull himover and secure the both of them to him.

“I’m going to say thisbecause it’s obvious the two of you are too tired to use your detective skillsfor anything more than superficial clues.”

Slowly, Jay’s face isin his stomach, arms wrapping around his waist while Dick secures his chest,the two of them almost holding him up.

“After all thefighting I’ve had to do to get here, to get this far, I’m not giving up jackshit. I run the gauntlet because that exactly where I want to be. I staywith my people because that’s my fucking team and no, I don’t wantor need another. I can watch Layla grow up into this kick ass little person andmake sure Steph has someone to Netflix and chill with while we kill a pint ofBen & Jerry’s. But what matters the most, what I can’t fucking give upis being here with the two of you in whatever capacity I can. Asyour boyfriend, as your surgeon, as the guy that is totally, you know, inlove with you. As someone that can share your lives like this. All of it isexactly what I want and what I get to choose. You two? Don’t get to tellme what’s best for me. I decide that. Got it?”

The quiet, still menattached to him give half-shuffling nods where they’re buried in him.

“I don’t want to hearanything else about leaving Gotham, like at all, okay? The answer is no.I’m not going anywhere to tour the facilities or listen to stupid speechesabout what they have to offer or how good the benefits package is. None of thatshit. They can’t offer me my ER, they can’t offer me time doing research in theBatCave, they can’t let me play around with alien DNA for a minute, and theycan’t give me you two. So? No. Case closed.”

Dick lets up justenough for him to tilt Jay’s head back and lean down to slide their lipstogether, giving the Red Hood a little something to seal the deal. Those eyesare bluer when he pulls back, making him smirk before he straightens up to giveDick the same treatment.

(Because they’re bothtall, he has to pull them down to effectively fuck his tongue in their mouths.Such a pain in the ass.)

When he pulls back,Dick gasps in a little, tightens his hold around Tim’s chest.

But the reliefpervades the air between them, giving him a reason to go a little more lax,just to feel them pretty much ready to hold him up completely.

“So the plan is,”he continues easily, one hand on the back of Jay’s neck to rub the tensionaway, and the other gripping Dick’s wrist tight enough to bruise tomorrow, “weget a nice, hot shower with plenty of scrubbing and maybe a little play time.Then, we climb in bed and pass the fuck out. You can fix your suits tomorrow,and we’ll all feel up to having dangerous acrobatic vigilante sex after about eight hours. If you’re both good,I’ll…I’ll wear that thing you got me for my birthday. Deal?”

He knows he’s alreadygot their acquiescence when both his boyfriends noticeably perk.

“That sounds like adeal to me,” Dick tries to be mock-grave, but he’s laughing in the back ofTim’s neck, running his nose over the knob of bone.

“Fucking righteous,Sweetheart. I been waiting ta see that.” Jay is grinning up at him with thatlook– all kinds of anticipation without any of the previous hesitation.

“Good. Peel yourselvesoff of me and lets get naked. For mostly clean purposes. Or not. Really, I’mpretty beyond compromised, so I’d probably like to make you both come at leastonce before I’m unconscious.”

“Sweet-talker,” Dickteases and steps to the side so he can be the first to lift their civilianboyfriend up in a princess hold that has become way too reminiscent in the pasttwo months.

“He’s just talkin’ my language, ‘at’s all, Baby Boy,” Jaystands to give him a fast n’ dirty before he gets their mugs to the sink andfills them with water to wash tomorrow. He hits the lights and follows his boysdown the hallway where slippery skin and things like I’m not giving upare waiting.

#doctor!tim #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #winter answers #my fic #my writing #this really was fun babe #bruce wayne #with guest star #tony stark #dr!tim

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nikkithomas · 7 years ago

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Save The Butterfly

It’s been two years since my doctor told me that I needed to start keeping a journal of my daily diet and working out. I told him that I HAD been doing all of that for 6-8 months and seeing no real results. That’s when he stopped dead in his tracks and said “we’re checking your thyroid”. Sure enough...my thyroid appeared to be for ornamental purposes only.

I’d been through this before. Most doctors test your TSH and when the values look normal...they just let it go and tell you that you’re fine. Thank goodness this doctor looked even closer at what was going on and knew to test my T3 and T4 as well. It wasn’t until over a year later when I felt horrible even though I was taking medication (levothyroxine andl then later liothyronine) that I went back to another doctor (I had moved to a different state at that point and really hadn’t been in to see a doctor since moving) and it was discovered that my levels were way off. The second doctor tested my TPOab and they were way out of whack.

Doctor #2 took me off of the levothyroxine/liothyronine combo...and took it down to just the levothyroxine and upped the dosage. By spring, I felt like garbage again and sought out an endocrinologist with the help of my primary physician. It took MONTHS to get into her practice...but when that time rolled around...she sat me down...looked at my blood work and told me that she would have had me hospitalized if she had seen the blood work that my primary saw several months before. She diagnosed me with autoimmune thyroiditis. Hashimoto’s disease.

I started reading everything possible. Dr. Internet had a whole lot of nothing to say.

Fatigue? Yeah. Swollen face? You betcha. Weight gain? Damn right. And lots of it. Sleep problems? Uh...yeah. Big time. Anxiety? Yep. Muscle pain? OMG yes. Sometimes so bad that it brought me to tears. Hair loss? Lil’ bit. Brittle nails? Yeah Weird swelling? Mmhmm I even had problems with my tongue. WTH?! EXTREME Vitamin D deficiency? Oh yeah...that too. Weird low body temperature? I average around 97.3 degrees to the average persons normal of 98.6. I am truly...cold-blooded. I burn up all the time though. Odd.

It was so frustrating. It was as if everything that had gone haywire in my body was now readily explained with this diagnosis.

First off...I was worried and relieved all at the same time.It was like a light went on and everything fell into place. THIS is why I was so tired. I’d work 12-14 hours a day and go home and go straight to my couch or to bed. I still do. I’m not complaining because I love my job. BUT...I have to admit that it had become increasingly difficult to push through for all those hours. Even now with medication it’s tough but I do it. When I wake up at random hours in the night and can’t get back to sleep...I find things to work on. It’s how I’ve adjusted to the situation. This has been going on for YEARS.

Secondly...it was concerning because I wondered how much damage had been done and was now irreparable because it had gone untreated so long.

Third...even with an explanation about my weight...that didn’t really help me feel any better about it.

I started thinking back and it was overwhelming to process things like my erratic body temp issues...my face getting red in the past (and even now to some degree...) having TWO major surgeries for things that could have been controlled and treated with medication. The crazy weight gain. (I am basically the size of a small to medium size village at this point.)

What a ripoff.

How in the hell did this go on so long without being diagnosed!?!?!

The levothyroxine sucked. I had felt better with the mix of synthroid and cytomel. My friend Amy in Arizona had Hashimoto’s and had recommended Naturethroid. I begged my endocrinologist to switch me out and she did. It was awesome!! I felt so much better. Not great....but better. Not like a melted candle on a summer sidewalk...but more of a semi-melted ice cream cone on a spring day.

THEN...there was a national shortage?! No. Seriously. That happened.

Walgreen’s ran out of Naturethroid. Almost all pharmacies ran out. That’s when they put me on Armour. Garbage. Lame. I might as well have been licking chalk every day. I gained even MORE weight. Was super tired. Depressed. It was terrible.

Finally...I found a pharmacy that carried Naturethroid and even though it wasn’t an accurate dose...was able to break it into something that seemed to work.

One of the hardest things about this stupid thyroid disease...disorder...whatever you want to call it...is that it seems to take forever to get the dosage correct. I’m still not 100 percent. I’m still getting bloodwork done more often than I’d like. Just to function. Just to live. I keep reminding myself that there are so many others who have things that are so much more difficult to live with...and that puts it into perspective. It still sucks though.

I hate the memes about this disease. Annoying. Basically...there are two varieties: the “omg I’m so tired and you don’t understand” garbage...

Okay. Seriously?

Just STFU.

If you feel like you have to put that out there...the people around you suck. Stop talking to those losers and caring what those bitches think. Just...STOP. The whiny memes are not inspirational. They’re just...whiny. Yeah yeah. You’re sick...I’m sick...we’re all sick. We’re all trying to get by...blah blah blah.

Sorry sweetheart...but we’re all on a one horse open sleigh...straight to the grave. All of us. No one will make it. There will be no survivors. Suck it up. We’re all dying. There are people out there with cancer and a bajillion other things that are excruciatingly painful. Hypothyroidism sucks...and it isn’t easy...but come on. Try not to live in that head space. We all want to take a nap...under our desks...ten minutes after we get to work...but still...

Listen...if you feel like you have to explain yourself and your battle to people...maybe those people aren’t really worthy of being around you? Something to think about. Your pain is real...the fatigue and symptoms are real...people who genuinely love and care about you...will understand. Anyone that would try to make you feel bad about what’s going on with your health...probably isn’t worth your time and effort anyway.

(Thyroid Cancer...is pretty scary. I literally had one doctor tell me that if I ended up having thyroid cancer...that it was the “best kind”. For the people that have lived through that...you go ahead and you post the memes. You’ve earned that right.)

And then there are the dicks that make fat jokes. I don’t mind the fat slurs. I have to admit though...the acceptance of that form of discrimination makes me laugh. It’s totally fine to trash someone for being fat and treat them like they’re less than human...but a lot of those same people that discriminate against the “glandular challenged”...seem to get offended over other forms of discrimination. The hypocrisy...is awesome...not really.

Except for this quote...this one is actually my favorite...

Gets me every time. Fat or not...that’s just...funny.

They can make all the gravy jokes they want...deep down...I can’t wait until their glands fail them and they start to chub up later in life...or until their wives leave them because of their impotence issues. But...I digress...

If you’re living with this garbage...I’m sorry. If your “journey” (that’s my least favorite blog buzzword EVER...”journey”)...is anything like mine...I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the right mix of medication for your condition. I’m still on the struggle bus trying to find mine. As you work your way towards a workable solution...and maybe start losing the weight and get some of your energy back...just remember the people who weren’t there for you or made you feel like less of a person...and make a note of it. That’s who they really are...deep down. Don’t you deserve better than that in your life?

I’m going to go grab 45 minutes of sleep and then go to work. Namaste’ people.

#thyroid disease #hashimotos #thyroid-hypothyroidism #stress #insomnia #i need sleep #thyroid #thyroid problems #weight #angry #frustrated

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lizzizzie-blog · 7 years ago

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d) all of the above

Today is a the anniversary of a significant event in my life. I am resultingly (I might have made this word up but I’m sticking with it) emotional, and instead of baking cookies or wrapping presents or taking a shower or doing laundry or actually getting caught up with my work-work, I am feeling my feelings and I’ve been reflecting on what has been an incredibly intense year.

Things that happened in 2017:

In the last few days of 2016, I fell in love so hard with a TV show about Norwegian teens. I’ve made friends as a result who I talk to regularly and are super important to me. I’ve taken two trips to meet them (Boston and Philly) and I’ve planned my first real international trip/vacation (Oslo, Norway, January 2018) as a result. Honestly, nobody saw this one coming.

January: I officially started my new job that it turns out is really really hard and stressful and exhilarating and kicks my ass. I mostly work from home (an adjustment in itself) but also travel frequently. This year I’ve been to: Monroe, Louisiana; Louisville, Kentucky; Atlanta and Newnan, Georgia; Selma, Alabama; Bay City, Texas; Austin, Texas; New York City; Freehold, New Jersey; Milwaukee, Wisconsin; and Las Vegas - some more than once.

In February, I experienced hot springs for the first time in Colorado for my sister-in-law-to-be’s bachelorette party.

In March, I turned 30. My husband and friends threw a perfect, stupid, fun, whimsical, casual party for me and I felt so lucky. There were Harry Potter puns. There were buttons with my bitmoji on them. There was a dinosaur beer luge ice sculpture and many delicious beers. I got to play and dance to “I Feel It Coming” twice.

In April, I officiated the wedding ceremony of my brother and the aforementioned sister-in-law, in Maryland.

In May, the husband quit his job and we bought a record store. I mean, what?! What!!!

In June, the husband almost cut off his fingers in a hedge trimmers vs. hand incident, resulting in us missing another wedding. That was fun

In July, I married another of my best friends as a co-officiant with another of our best friends, in Michigan.

In August, I saw the total solar eclipse in St. Louis! It was the coolest, spookiest, most amazing thing. Bizarrely moving. During that trip, I also:

Met and held and loved on the baby of someone I grew up with/a childhood bestie, for the first time. Wow.

Felt a fetus kick inside of a human tummy for the first time ever, and it happened to be my very best friend. A small moment of magic.

In August, I got a tattoo. My first. Possibly only. I’m not sure.

In October, I told myself, and then my husband, and then the internet / People of Facebook, that I’m pansexual, because it’s not a secret. And I was met with all the both incredible support and curious and/or confused questions that people who do that sort of thing are met with. This has been bizarre.

A few times, I wrote things about myself and published them in a blog and told actual people I know about it. This one is still a struggle too.

And that’s not an exhaustive list. Plenty of other significant and joyful moments happened with other people I love, as well, including 30th birthday parties and pregnancy announcements and engagements and even a anniversary / birthday / retirement party for the in-laws. I also learned that another of our couple-friends are getting a divorce. The point is... it’s been SO much of significance in so little time. I’ve never been so stressed and scared and tired, but I’ve also never been so thrilled and inspired and in love with other people. I’ve never felt more overwhelmed with life, but I’ve also never been this accepting of myself. It’s been a lot. It’s still a lot. It always is. When I was little, I think I thought that joy and love were the antidote to grief and pain. Or that sadness and stress negated happiness and laughter and light. That these things were mutually exclusive. Now, I’m still constantly struck by how MUCH life is. How many different things I feel during any given year, month, week, day, or moment. But when I reflect, I think I actually learned this early. Joy and pain don’t cancel each other out; they complement and amplify each other. They make each other real, and the reality of life is that we will experience both, and feeling one doesn’t invalidate feeling the other. I learned this in October of my senior year of high school when I was having the time of my life with my friends in band, dance team, show choir, and the senior play, and then my cousin died, out of nowhere. It was awful and I was confused and angry and devastated, but life didn’t stop. It didn’t stop me loving my friends or having fun in my various activities or falling in love with a boy over the next several months. It was all of that, all at once. It affected me profoundly, every day, but life didn’t stop. My junior year of college, a friend of mine had a really intense health scare that involved passing out followed by emergency surgery, and eventual diagnosis with a genetic disorder that made it very dangerous to operate on her and would mean precarious health going forward. She was my “Partner,” as we were co-Morale-Captains of the Red team for our college’s Dance Marathon event in April, which raised money for Children’s Miracle Network. Planning and organizing for the event began with weekly meetings in the fall, and this committee was incredibly close knit, with Partners put together and assigned colors based on specific shared traits. So, this happened in February, the night before my boyfriend’s birthday. We found out during our weekly meeting, and we left to go to her apartment, where all her sorority sisters were, and essentially held vigil until the surgery was over. It was days before we really knew if she was going to be okay, including Valentine’s Day. I ate a Dove chocolate heart with the message “discover how much your heart can hold.” And that resonated with me so much. I was feeling so much. I kept the wrapper. Taped it to a piece of index card. I still carry it in my wallet. I turned 21 in March, while she was home recovering. I was so sad to be without my Partner on the committee and so worried about her. She, somewhat miraculously, did get to come to Dance Marathon, in her wheelchair. I was so happy she was there. It was such a relief. She got better, and graduated and got a job and got married and bought a house and got a dog. Then, years later, she had another complication, and after multiple attempts to save her, she died. This was a week after my wedding and the day after we got home from our honeymoon. It was horrible, of course, and right in the middle of one of the most loving and joyous times in my life. Again, it was all happening at once. More than I thought my heart could hold. (She was one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. Her humor was clever and quick and biting. So charismatic. Her attention made you feel special and people adored her.) To conclude this meandering, self-involved mess, I need to flash back again. To my senior year of college, fall semester 2008. Dance Marathon had finished the previous spring, and I’d tried out to be my college’s mascot, and gotten it. It was amazing. But it was a secret. Part of our tradition was that nobody is supposed to know who the humans inside the costume were. And so naturally that leads to much speculation about who they are, and we had to be careful to avoid being found out. I was dating a person who’d been the mascot the year before, and we didn’t have any reason to know each other in real life, so we were dating in secret, essentially, as well.

He happened to be best friends with a girl from my hometown, who I’d been friends with in high school, who also went to our college. She’d graduated that spring and was in Cincinnati for her master’s. She invited us down to see her perform in a play for the church she’d joined there - serious production value - 9 years ago today. We were going to stay with her for the weekend, too. At the play, she was flying around suspended on a harness high up in the air for her role as a wise man. Maybe 20 minutes in, at the end of a song, she struck a pose, her hardness malfunctioned, and she fell to the floor. I don’t remember much of what happened next, but our seats were very high up and we could not see at all what was happening. Somehow they stopped and everyone filed out and they called an ambulance. Somehow her friends found us and we got to the hospital with them. We waited hours. Eventually her parents arrived, met with doctors, and asked us to leave. We drove all the way back to our college town and crashed. A few hours later, her friend called my boyfriend, waking us up, to tell her they had removed her from life support and she had died. It was, of course, traumatic, tragic, and devastating. It was such a bizarre time. So hard, and so painful. Some of my worst days ever. But at the same time, set during the backdrop what was objectively the time of my life. I was a senior in college and I was the mascot. Literally living a dream of mine, having an absolute blast. Then this, in the middle of finals … having to tell my professors what had happened and why I needed extra time. I skipped my only mascot event the night of the day we found out she died.

After that, mascotting became an escape from it. A place where I could go for a few hours and forget my shit. I could focus on entertaining others, on nothing but being an anonymous vessel of enthusiasm and joy and love, on the eventual physical exhaustion of it. A way to clear my head. And then Christmas was happening, and right back to the next semester. Life didn’t slow down. It was everything at once. Horrific and traumatic and devastating, but the love I experienced in speaking with other people who knew her after she died, of meeting people she knew who looked up to her the same way that I did, the joy of living my dream and escaping reality as the mascot, the way my boyfriend and I somehow got each other through that time ... all of it was real and valid and happening, too. Looking back on that time 9 years ago, I don’t know how I survived. But, that’s sort of what we always do, isn’t it? We love the shit out of each other and we get by. And the weird thing is, December and the holidays are still the same now… the circumstances are ever-changing, of course, but there’s always the painful melancholy of missing people that you love, coupled with the stress of it all, then combined with so much warmth and comfort. It’s a lot. It’s all of it at once. And we’re doing it together. Life is rich, y’all. <3

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” ― The Perks of Being a Wallflower

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