#it hurts so bad I want to throw up

[go2jail1]

Absolutely fucking tearing me up inside that I cannot draw

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]

I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.

Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.

Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.

I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.

On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.

These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.

[yukipri]

feelin kinda sad so eating an obscene amount of pasta

[fumifooms]

Canines

The hand that feeds

Mickbell Tomas & Kuro Dungeon Meshi

^ 1: Ink-the-artist, I will remove my teeth / 2: Margaret Atwood / 3: C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy / 4: Mitski, I’m your man / 5: Ojibwa, I love you like a rotten dog / 6: KotOR II / 7: Stardrop, Everything that’s ever been mine is covered in teeth marks / 8: Sodikken, People Eater / 9: Mitski, I’m your man / 10: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 11: Mitski, I bet on losing dogs / 12: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 13: hun, I did not bite with Malice / 14: C. Michael Davis, Don't Pet the Dragon / 15: Mitski, I’m your man

v 1: Early versions of the myth as in aeschylus orestes / 2: Ink-the-artist, I will not remove my teeth

[dustykneed]

very important question for all of the trek fandom ‼️(lol)

[lunarkittenn]

I rarely take pictures anymore. It’s like I just don’t want to remember any moment from this part of my life lol

[dykedvonte]

Preston x Danse is the only companion ship I think would actually work because Preston’s inner turmoil is sort of a loss of faith in himself due to the traumatic experiences he’s faced while Danse is looking for something to have faith in and would find the fact that despite the desire to give up Preston held out so long not just for the honor of the Minutemen but because he had some hope.

It would 100% start off as a lotta unhealthy on Danse’s side as I believe he completely lacks the emotional intelligence (due to a combination of factors) to recognize the he’s feelings as anything but a sort of respect for a superior along with leaning too much into Preston as a substitute for the BoS. Preston may not really have a title but he’s like THE Lieutenant of the Minutemen. Realistically he’s the only companion Danse would probably be comfortable taking instructions from especially for how trusted Preston is by the Sole Survivor and his adherence to military standards despite how unstructured the Minutemen are. It would be him waiting for orders, approval, anything from Preston and he thinks it’s just the desire to have the regiment of the BoS again but he also like when Preston compliments him on being useful or resourceful. He likes the stories of Minuteman glory days and he trades the stories of the BoS that don’t hurt to talk about. He likes the familiarity Preston would provide and he’d be oblivious that it’s not just new found loyalty to the Minutemen.

Yet Preston explains it himself that he’s not a natural leader. He’s not an instructor. He helps manage what the General has put in place and he content on doing that. He relays what needs to be done and does major upkeep but I don’t think he’d know what to do with this guy this literally marches up to him and practically begs for a mission that doesn’t exist. Like the formality and respect is nice but he can tell it’s covering something even if Danse doesn’t.

Danse could go to Sturges for the many repair and upkeep assignments he gives him and has the freedom to go straight to the Castle if he really wants a big mission, but he chooses to come to him everytime. He’s aware enough that Danse only trusts him out of all of the Generals confidantes but it would take a bit for him to understand why. If anything Danse should be strategizing with him as equals seeing as he almost got the Minuteme wiped out and Danse was a Paladin for the Brotherhood with many successes under his belt before Preston even led his first scouting mission. It’s like he sees him as some figure of hope, some one who can come in and add stability. Someone with a fresh outlook who can provide a new perspective for him.

It’s like he sees him like he saw/sees the Sole Survivor but that would be crazy because that would also mean… and then oh, it clicks.

The revelation is both flattering and he doesn’t know what to do with it cause how do you address “I know you respect me but is that the only feeling you have for me?” To the guy who like refuses to rest unless you tell him at ease? He has to reevaluate his whole manner of interaction with Danse cause this is a very slippery slope that he’s sliding down and it’s even more perilous due to Danse’s repressed emotions regarding… everything. There’s an equal chance Danse will try to open up as completely shut down and he’s not just concerned about it cause Sole Survivor cares for him but because he has grown to care for the guy too. It’s not like he doesn’t also enjoy Danse’s company and value as a Minuteman member. He’s not a love at first sight guy but he’s played with the idea, anyone would when you’ve spent nights trading stories, historical facts and beers by the fire in a little home you’ve carved for yourself through literal blood, sweat and tears.

I think it’s one of those cases where it’s agonizingly slow to the actual relationship but neither part are anguished about that. If anything happened to soon Danse would be too dependent and Preston not equipped to handle it. It’s a case where I genuinely think they’d bring out the best in each other cause theyd want to figure out what is best for the other and not just apply what they think is the best. It’s the care that Preston would ask Danse what he wants to do and encourage it and at the same time Danse would be incredulous everytime Preston second guesses himself.

Long story short it’s a good ship to me because it’s just two guys with broken confidences and faith in their roles being each other’s hype man and kissin a little about it.

[redyarns]

Have you ever gotten to a point in your outline where you're like "Whoops, my hand slipped and now I'm in sparkbreaking territory." ?

Because that just happened to me with my own outline lol

ahaha... well actually, out of all of the main characters in undertow, bee has surprisingly the most tragic story. that wasnt originally the case (that title belonged to sentinel for a while), but i kept getting bigger and bigger ideas.

anyway, it resulted in me having to figure out a rough system of something equivalent to a cybertronian sign language. poor bee. lol

[boxwinebaddie]

this selena cover is the cd song ever of all time jysk :*

[microknifeyuri]

uh. vent art. or something. losing yourself and losing everyone who you cared about as a result

[mad-hunts]

oh, boy... i just imagined what it would've been like if barton had put his kids in sports when they were in grade school and i just — JSJSJ i started laughing BC he would absolutely be supportive of them but in a very 'loud' + kind of rude way if that makes any sense.

and i say that because barton would be that person that stands up in the bleachers, only to seem like he's saying something generally sweet like 'you've got this, (insert anyone of his four kids names here LOL)!' before saying 'kick all of these other kids butt's just like i told you!!' like BAHAHAHA barton would take this super seriously, and insult these poor other little fourth graders, like WTF ☠️

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[birdricks]

thinking about rick admitting to only helping with the war because he wanted bp to respect him. and not realising the irony in admitting this and how it loses him that very respect

[rewrite-canon]

me when sad media piece about romantic relationship: light work no reaction

me when sad media piece about sibling dynamic: oh. okay. its got a little kick.

me when sad media piece about child-parental figure dynamic: LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP ELT MEGET UP ELT ME GET UP ELTMR FJETY UP LEGBR LE FEOT UP

[spookythesillyfella]

no intro for thiz post becauze i can't think of anything witty at the moment

"Housewife Radio" – Ghost and Pals and hv tony

"Stich, sew, cut, pull // Stich, sew, cut and pull" – could allude to how . back when tony waz younger . before all the bad thingz happened . it waz a repetitive but pleazant life ; a cycle whoz repetition meant that everything waz okay ; pastel colorz and bright lightz prezent everywhere

"Stich, sew, I tried // Stich, sew, you're alive" – the breaking of said cycle ; not only doez thiz kickstart a new era of the clockz life . but thiz iz also the moment where the separation between "tony" and "antoinette" iz made – they are not the same . one haz been expozed to horror and the bitterness of life . and the other iz still childishly going through the motionz . unaware of what real suffering iz ; "antoinette" iz gone and . though shez alwayz going to be a part of "tony" . "tony" will never be her again

"FM comes in different colors, I believe // In the sewing machine I've lost myself // Memories inside my heart are here to grieve // Color-coded by the love he gave to me" – how . gradually . "antoinette" became sort of lost – falling deeper into grief and internalizing the belief that therez nothing to live for anymore – unable to handle the deep sorrow that came from holding onto memoriez of someone that . despite being cared for immensely . perished anyway ; no experience in tonyz life will be truly hiz own . az he iz the product of all the teachingz of hiz long-gone brother

"Ah, his voice, it speaks to me from the radio" – i feel like thiz iz an important lyric to pick apart on itz own . az tony lookz for anything that might bring the memory of hiz brother back even for just a moment ; he findz himself often hearing hiz brotherz voice when otherz – particularly sketchbook – are speaking . and sometimez even hallucinatez him ; anything to bring him back ...

"Every day, it feels like seams are more than torn" – the mental decline that tony had when The Event happened . and how it cauzed him to spiral for yearz and yearz on end

"Buttoned patchwork, thread that's tied in knots // Hand-sew everything with kind intention" – how antoinette tried to be there for her brother az much az possible ; in being unable to save him from something that waz so clearly inevitable . hatred for oneself beginz to stir within

"Liquid soundwaves pour from my eyes // My heart cries out to you in desperation" – once again . antoinette begging for him to come back . breaking down completely and hoping that something will bring back the only guiding light in her life

"Unmistakably, he'll return alive // His colors out to show again" – the appearance of sketchbook in tonyz life – the return of that bright light that gave him hope and reazon to live ; they're exactly what he uzed to be – therez no way they're not when they fulfill the same role and act so similarly – tony iz convinced that thiz must be him again . albeit different

"Black and white // And black and white // And black and white // And black and white // No blue, no yellow, green or red // The radio only plays in..." – again . the cycle that tony went through – although thiz time . instead of being one where hez reminded of the fact hez safe and comfortable and nothing bad iz going to happen – itz the constant reminder that life iz bleak . that it will never get better . that he will never be truly back and that he failed to protect and care for him in the same way his brother did for antoinette ; no color and no light in thiz constant purgatory

[arundolyn]

oh my god. shark week got me all fucked up. stay in bed all day kinda day fr