#it hurts so bad I want to throw up

[go2jail1]

Absolutely fucking tearing me up inside that I cannot draw

[idledreams-burninghearts]

Ooh man it's been a while since my period cramps were this bad

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]

I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.

Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.

Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.

I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.

On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.

These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.

[fumifooms]

Canines

The hand that feeds

Mickbell Tomas & Kuro Dungeon Meshi

^ 1: Ink-the-artist, I will remove my teeth / 2: Margaret Atwood / 3: C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy / 4: Mitski, I’m your man / 5: Ojibwa, I love you like a rotten dog / 6: KotOR II / 7: Stardrop, Everything that’s ever been mine is covered in teeth marks / 8: Sodikken, People Eater / 9: Mitski, I’m your man / 10: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 11: Mitski, I bet on losing dogs / 12: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 13: hun, I did not bite with Malice / 14: C. Michael Davis, Don't Pet the Dragon / 15: Mitski, I’m your man

v 1: Early versions of the myth as in aeschylus orestes / 2: Ink-the-artist, I will not remove my teeth

[dustykneed]

very important question for all of the trek fandom ‼️(lol)

[notsafeforvought]

Occupied [Oneshot]

"'God, this is so…' Pathetic? Perverted? Depraved? No word accurately described how ashamed he felt for doing this. It was wrong to do something like this. Why couldn’t he just wait until you got back?”

RATING: 18+ MDNI

SUMMARY: Hughie gets lonely while you're at work.

EXTRA INFO: GN!Reader, reader not present for story (until end) | no beta we die like men AUTHOR’S NOTE: pillowfucker hughie,, , (gets so lightheaded i pass out and die) anyways htis is. so self indulgent and ummm uhhh uh runs away crying WORD COUNT: 1k

Nothing was working. His hand wasn’t working, porn wasn’t working. Hughie laid on his bed, groaning and whining to himself. He needed something, someone to hold onto. He needed to dig his hands into someone and bury his face into their body. He needed you. 

He looked over at your pillow on your side of the bed. An idea pops into his head, immediately filling his body with shame. It was a disgusting thing to think of doing. Would he really go that far?

Yes, he would.

It was only supposed to be something he held onto as a way to feel closer to you as he got off. He held the pillow close to his face, breathing in your faint scent on the fabric. He feels a wave of shame wash over him as he realizes it’s working. But it wasn’t working enough.

Hughie whines softly as his brain is flooded with mental images of him grinding and humping against your pillow. He tries to shoo the thoughts away, but they don’t stop. And after a moment, he doesn’t stop himself from sitting upright and positioning your pillow under him, nested between his legs.

“God, this is so…” Pathetic? Perverted? Depraved? No word accurately described how ashamed he felt for doing this. It was wrong to do something like this. Why couldn’t he just wait until you got back? He had texted you earlier, hinting at what he wanted to do later tonight, but you were too busy at work to respond. How sad. 

He slowly grinds against your pillow, the soft feeling knocking the breath out of his lungs. His hands dig into the fabric, shaping it perfectly around him. A shudder sounds from him as he awkwardly tries to finesse the pillow and his body into a comfortable position. Being so awkwardly tall wasn’t helping much.

Shutting his eyes, Hughie let his imagination run wild. Images of you underneath him, on top of him, inside him, around him… He softly whines out your name under his breath before remembering he’s home alone and he can be as loud as he wants. But he’s shy, still continuing to attempt to stifle the noises he’s making. 

“Please,” he mumbles, not daring to open his eyes to break the immersion. In his mind, he was with you. He could imagine what you’d feel like if you were really there, practically hearing the little flirty teases you’d whisper to get him all riled up. His lips stay parted as his breath picks up, his whole face flushed down to his chest.

He rambles under his breath as he gets more into it, most of it incoherent. “Mhm… please… so good, it’s so–fuck,” he exhales the last word, folding forward over the pillow. Poor boy couldn’t even hold himself upright anymore. For a split second, he almost wishes he had grabbed one of your jackets or sweaters to put over the pillow to put the sleeves over his own back. All he could do was imagine your arms wrapped around him as he hunches over the pillow and cries out in pleasure.

It only takes a moment for him to get close, his cock twitching against the fabric. Fuck. He’d need to pull away from your pillow when he comes to not make a mess. It’s the last thing he wants to do, but he already felt disgusting for getting this far. But in the heat of the moment, he rationalizes it. 

I can just do the laundry. It’d be done in time. Nobody but me would know.

He shakes his head, brows knitted together and eyes shutting even tighter as he tries to shake the thought. No, he is not that pathetic. Well…

Your scent on the pillow fills his lungs as he practically hyperventilates into the plush. He always got so worked up, and without you there to remind him to breathe, it would be a miracle if he got out of this without passing out. As he inches closer to coming, he keeps telling himself that he needs to pull away, even if it feels so good and warm against him. 

Maybe it’s just the heat of the moment, but he almost considers how you’d react if you saw him like this. Humping a pillow, nearly to tears simply because he misses you? It’s pitiful, honestly. He knows you’d find it pitiful, and you’d tease him. He thinks about how you’d react if you walked in right now. You’d tell him to continue while you watch him, whispering playful yet degrading words about how pathetic he is and how he moans like a girl when he gets close and every other thing he was doing to warrant any tease from you.

“Mmf… miss you… need you, I need you, I–” he chokes out, giving a couple final hard thrusts into your pillow as he comes. He’d deny it, but he never really had any intentions to pull away. His teeth sink into the pillow as he tenses up, face tight with ecstasy as he tries to catch his breath. “F-Fuck…” he sighs, looking down at the hot and sticky mess on the pillow. There was a spot of drool from where he bit your pillow. And then the reality of what he just did sinks in.

–

You come home from work, another late night. You lock the door behind you, calling out to Hughie. “Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t see your text, we were just so busy today…” You can smell the faint scent of detergent. “Did you do the laundry?”

Hughie emerges from the utility room, carrying a little basket in his hands. He smiles warmly as he sees you, practically stumbling over his feet as he rushes up to give you a little kiss. “Yeah. Figured it’d take a little weight off your shoulders,” he reassures you, setting the laundry basket down to cup your face in his palm.

“And don’t worry about that. I kept myself occupied.”

[lunarkittenn]

I rarely take pictures anymore. It’s like I just don’t want to remember any moment from this part of my life lol

[dykedvonte]

Preston x Danse is the only companion ship I think would actually work because Preston’s inner turmoil is sort of a loss of faith in himself due to the traumatic experiences he’s faced while Danse is looking for something to have faith in and would find the fact that despite the desire to give up Preston held out so long not just for the honor of the Minutemen but because he had some hope.

It would 100% start off as a lotta unhealthy on Danse’s side as I believe he completely lacks the emotional intelligence (due to a combination of factors) to recognize the he’s feelings as anything but a sort of respect for a superior along with leaning too much into Preston as a substitute for the BoS. Preston may not really have a title but he’s like THE Lieutenant of the Minutemen. Realistically he’s the only companion Danse would probably be comfortable taking instructions from especially for how trusted Preston is by the Sole Survivor and his adherence to military standards despite how unstructured the Minutemen are. It would be him waiting for orders, approval, anything from Preston and he thinks it’s just the desire to have the regiment of the BoS again but he also like when Preston compliments him on being useful or resourceful. He likes the stories of Minuteman glory days and he trades the stories of the BoS that don’t hurt to talk about. He likes the familiarity Preston would provide and he’d be oblivious that it’s not just new found loyalty to the Minutemen.

Yet Preston explains it himself that he’s not a natural leader. He’s not an instructor. He helps manage what the General has put in place and he content on doing that. He relays what needs to be done and does major upkeep but I don’t think he’d know what to do with this guy this literally marches up to him and practically begs for a mission that doesn’t exist. Like the formality and respect is nice but he can tell it’s covering something even if Danse doesn’t.

Danse could go to Sturges for the many repair and upkeep assignments he gives him and has the freedom to go straight to the Castle if he really wants a big mission, but he chooses to come to him everytime. He’s aware enough that Danse only trusts him out of all of the Generals confidantes but it would take a bit for him to understand why. If anything Danse should be strategizing with him as equals seeing as he almost got the Minuteme wiped out and Danse was a Paladin for the Brotherhood with many successes under his belt before Preston even led his first scouting mission. It’s like he sees him as some figure of hope, some one who can come in and add stability. Someone with a fresh outlook who can provide a new perspective for him.

It’s like he sees him like he saw/sees the Sole Survivor but that would be crazy because that would also mean… and then oh, it clicks.

The revelation is both flattering and he doesn’t know what to do with it cause how do you address “I know you respect me but is that the only feeling you have for me?” To the guy who like refuses to rest unless you tell him at ease? He has to reevaluate his whole manner of interaction with Danse cause this is a very slippery slope that he’s sliding down and it’s even more perilous due to Danse’s repressed emotions regarding… everything. There’s an equal chance Danse will try to open up as completely shut down and he’s not just concerned about it cause Sole Survivor cares for him but because he has grown to care for the guy too. It’s not like he doesn’t also enjoy Danse’s company and value as a Minuteman member. He’s not a love at first sight guy but he’s played with the idea, anyone would when you’ve spent nights trading stories, historical facts and beers by the fire in a little home you’ve carved for yourself through literal blood, sweat and tears.

I think it’s one of those cases where it’s agonizingly slow to the actual relationship but neither part are anguished about that. If anything happened to soon Danse would be too dependent and Preston not equipped to handle it. It’s a case where I genuinely think they’d bring out the best in each other cause theyd want to figure out what is best for the other and not just apply what they think is the best. It’s the care that Preston would ask Danse what he wants to do and encourage it and at the same time Danse would be incredulous everytime Preston second guesses himself.

Long story short it’s a good ship to me because it’s just two guys with broken confidences and faith in their roles being each other’s hype man and kissin a little about it.

[redyarns]

Have you ever gotten to a point in your outline where you're like "Whoops, my hand slipped and now I'm in sparkbreaking territory." ?

Because that just happened to me with my own outline lol

ahaha... well actually, out of all of the main characters in undertow, bee has surprisingly the most tragic story. that wasnt originally the case (that title belonged to sentinel for a while), but i kept getting bigger and bigger ideas.

anyway, it resulted in me having to figure out a rough system of something equivalent to a cybertronian sign language. poor bee. lol

[maxphilippa]

uh. vent art. or something. losing yourself and losing everyone who you cared about as a result

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[birdricks]

thinking about rick admitting to only helping with the war because he wanted bp to respect him. and not realising the irony in admitting this and how it loses him that very respect

[rewrite-canon]

me when sad media piece about romantic relationship: light work no reaction

me when sad media piece about sibling dynamic: oh. okay. its got a little kick.

me when sad media piece about child-parental figure dynamic: LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP ELT MEGET UP ELT ME GET UP ELTMR FJETY UP LEGBR LE FEOT UP

[rooftops-are-for-towels]

every fucking time things settle into something good and comfortable again i fuck it up over and over

(EDIT: HI guys I am doing much better now. They ain't lying reaching out to people and having a beautiful community is real and works. Will not be making a habit out of throwing giant angsty vents here of course but life is hopeful and cool. Thank you all I would delete this but it feels wrong to pls feel free to scroll)

[largetriangles]

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.