#it hurts a lot :^)
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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there's no temptress quite as irresistible as the mid afternoon sleepies
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The death of Vanessa and the birth of Vanny in FNAF
(Inspired by this art by Yuto Sano)
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanny#fnaf vanessa#glitchtrap#security breach#fnaf help wanted#fnaf fanart#I HAD to redraw these panels with Vanessa/Vanny..#it fit her vibe way too well not to#I’ll always stand by Vanessa as a character#her story is so good and she’s so interesting#having the protagonist of one of your games becomes the villain in the next PEAK honestly#the general idea here for this comic is when Vanessa lost herself and when Glitchtrap took hold#and the vanny persona was made and fully realized#first panel having Vanessa in fear and wounded#to the second panel with Vanny overjoyed and has hurt someone else#I HAD a lot of fun drawing this out#the detail and expressions were especially fun#idk if I’ll do something like this comic again#but if folks like this one I might do more similar to this#it’s fun to just draw out strong emotions in a character#and getting a full story from that#Love Vanessa/Vanny dearly 💜🐇#the girl to ever do it
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"It was affection that held us together."
zoom in for better detail (tumblr likes to butcher my quality lmao)
#as someone going through a tough time in friendship land this took a lot out of me to draw#ive been both a jayce clinging onto something that isnt there and a viktor withdrawing to avoid needed conversations#and arcane just. was hiding writers in my walls ig because that line was made to hurt#ANYWAAYYYYY have my favourite little queers having a liquid time. detroit become magic ig#art#digital artist#artists on tumblr#spoilers#arcane spoilers#arcane season two#arcane season two spoilers#viktor arcane#jayce talis#jayce arcane#jayvik#arcane#my art
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tango doodles
first you make up a guy and then you struggle to draw him correctly
#i need to stop drawing all the faces in 3/4 this is just silly.#gahh#anyways yes! im still on my quest to make tango look at least a little older#because every time i hear his voice the image in my head doesn't fit the sound at all.#dude has a raspy voice that doesn't exactly fit a little guy. if i could id draw him with more realistic proportions but i cant.#because um. reasons.#i can't just give up on my creachur cmon now...#ive noticed recently i tweaked a lot of my designs to be less cartoony. not sure if i like that actually. hm.#man i keep saying stuff like 'oh i gotta make weirder designs' but then i do the exact opposite??? huh?#i should stop trying to be normal. it's really hurting my image#GOD anyways. tags under the post yes.#tangotek#my art#sketch
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wondered when exactly Damian started casually chatting with his hallucinations of Alfred in Robin (2021)
figured isolating himself in a dark tower carrying pictures of Alfred and the weight of his death would do the trick! (Detective Comics (2016) #1032)
#damian wayne#alfred pennyworth#batbabyart#'not-great-dad Bruce' rant ahead but. Bruce aware of Damian's guilt and allowing it to fester for so long still boggles my mind lol#there's a couple headscratchers i can think of but the worst instance had to be the Pennyworth RIP comic#Damian confessing his regret and leaving in tears while Bruce SAT there going 'he knows there's no blame :l'#when Jason already loudly blamed Damian lol!! and Bruce silently blamed Damian too!!#(ofc lots of internalized hurt and blame with grief but still)#ANYWAY the Alfred and Damian photos from that tec issue were so cute so this was partially an excuse to redraw them haha#this used to be Damian's og outfit+vest combo but it looked too silly to me sdgf
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CONTROL YOURSELF
#the substance#my art#your body as consumption vs consumption as your body and so on#still thinking a lot about this film. boy does it manage to nail the angle of simmering self hatred#but the line ‘is it getting harder to remember you deserve to exist’ has stuck with me. its sad but its also very resonant#and its an important reminder. there is no dissociative self you’re hurting. there is only you#the substance 2024#demi moore#margaret qualley
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” Am I not right to weep? O my children, cursed children of a hateful mother - ”
#medea#my art#cw blood#cw mild nudity#euripides medea#greek tragedy#greek theatre#this play is Female Rage by excellence#hmm yes the blood of her sons on her face hands breasts and belly the parts of her body that her children knew the most yes indeed#im really proud of this#:)#lots of symbolism here#the red shawl is her hate while the black one is a mourning blanket#it's dwarfed by her heartbreak which enveloped her whole and bears no blood bc it's already red#her eyes are golden like Circe's who's her kinswoman#the handle of the dagger is Jason who isn't explicitly wounded by her but drove her hand (the blame of the murders actually befalling him)#<that's why it's not bloodied unlike the blade which was used to hurt#her tear washed down the blood on her cheek representing her being absorbed of her crime by both the gods and her grief#on the mural behind her is Medea enchanting the dragon while Jason steals the Golden Fleece#and above (right) is Hera and Iris and (left) Helios in his chariot#with female chorus masks lamenting Medea's crime like the chorus in the play#the pose and expression are inspired by the poster for Médée by Mucha for the Théâtre de la Renaissance starring Sarah Bernhardt#overall proud of this#i think women deserve to go a little mad and violent when they're angry. as a treat#anyway thanks Euripides for the 500bc feminism
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Heh...Literally nothing personal, kid.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#sect leader yao#This episode has a lot of scenes I know people are excited for and starting here seems odd but here me out:#The sheer hilarity of this opening scene was too good to not give a highlight to.#Dare I say it? I think this is THE most underrated scene in the whole series.#You have one guy flashing WWX his prosthetic leg. Another complains about his dead parents.#And the third guy? He has no personal grievances at all. He's just here to be included.#You cannot get better comedic timing than that. Sect leader Yao you will always be famous to me.#There is also something to be said about how this scene is about shifting blame and holding a false trial.#And we also have the main theme about rumours vs truth in how Sect leader Yao is only here based on what he's been told to beleive.#And WWX is so exhausted by the blame! He was one breath away from saying 'form a queue and I'll take your complaints one by one'#WWX (overall) didn't do those things directly but he's the one the responsibility falls on.#Despite the fact that the first siege was *not* incited by him. It's like hitting someone and getting mad your fist got hurt.#What a brilliantly frustrating scene!#Anyways next up are the long awaited pheonix mountain flashabck scenes. We finally made it.#and AHH Season 3!!! The last stretch! Thank you all for rooting me on up until this point!
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guys are you ready *gives your effo long hair i mean. it kinda fits him!
#also i headcanon that he slouches a lot because hes kinda tall and has a bunch of short besties#and his back hurts too yayy i love making characters suffer.#spinning etho with a messed up spine and fluffy hair in my head#alex draws#hermitcraft#hermitblr#etho#ethoslab
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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Missed drawing these two too
Bonuses
#rendoc#still thinking about them a lot#always#hermitshipping#sorry for the weird empty area in the first one. It was my attempt to make it take up less of people's timelines#this art is so embarrassing lol but man I like when Doc's drawn as a big goat man I have no defense I plead the fifth#or well at least it becomes embarrassing when its. shippy#whatever Tumblr people are usually cool so here goes!!#I am 99% a fluff and hurt/comfort person. Idc how frisky these guys get in fanon all I can ever think of is fluff sorry#Also contemplated implementing Doc's accent into the dialogue but I am forever paranoid of offending someone lol#idk how to write accents etc but you guys will make it sound fine in your heads I'm sure#hermitblr#tubby art
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actually speaking of that "everything i love causes carpal tunnel" shirt i know! a muscle that causes carpal tunnel-like symptoms!
the bad news is that it's the underside of the shoulder blade, but the good news is that once you figure out how to reach it, it's quite easy to release!
anyways meet the subcapularis
(all images taken from Myofascial Pain and Dysfunction (3rd Edition) by Travell et al)
the subcapularis helps pull the shoulder forward and rotate it inwards, meaning it's involved in many activities which cause the much dreaded carpal tunnel--yes, even though it's nowhere near the wrist. the anatomy of the shoulder makes it easy for nerves and vessels to get compressed, causing all sorts of fun symptoms like pain, tingling, and cold fingers.
this is the referred symptom zone:
obligatory i am not a doctor, just very autistic about musculoskeletal pain, and can't guarantee this massage will help your carpal tunnel symptoms, but I will say that uhhh every time I do this for myself i can feel all blood and sensation rush back into my arm, and it's always best to try massage before more invasive stuff like surgery
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1. Find a spot where you can sit, feet planted on the ground, and lean forward and rest your head on something with your arm hanging down between your legs. This will slide the shoulder blade to the side of the ribs, where you can reach the underside.
2. Above is what the subcapularis looks like with the surrounding muscles. Using your fingertips (you might wanna cut your nails) or your thumb if preferred, find the bony edge of the shoulder blade, and start poking around the underside.
3. You'll most likely only be able to reach the edge of the muscle, but that's enough! When you press into it, you will probably feel like you're reproducing your symptoms. Don't worry; you aren't hurting yourself and in fact this means you're in the right spot! Massage it gently, enough to feel it but not enough to wince, until you can't find anymore painful spots (or until you feel better, sometimes you can't get it all in one session).
3.5. If your pain increases overall, don't do it. Though pressure should elicit symptoms, this type of massage should provide pretty immediate relief, and if it doesn't then either some other muscle(s) is involved or it's not muscle related at all.
4. Finish up by rolling your shoulder back, like you're stretching out your chest/reaching behind you, a few times. It's normal to hear clicking--good, actually, that's the sound of your body realigning.
5. I recommend doing this at least daily, even after the symptoms have eased, until it's no longer sensitive to massage. Keep in mind that this muscle has been overused, and that the muscles that oppose it have weakened. It will keep trying to tighten up again until the weakened muscles have recovered, so you need to actively treat it and keep an eye out for habits that cause you to roll the shoulder forward.
And that's it! If you intend to resume carpal tunnel inducing activities ASAP, see if you can take a moment every 30 minutes or so to do a quick shoulder stretch. This helps prevent the muscle from tightening, and you only need to spend moments to do so. Quick breaks like this actually go a long way towards preventing injury, and help you keep working without interrupting the flow to go do some body maintenance :P
#fatals physio corner#i actually dont get wrist pain from this muscle it's only ever made my shoulder hurt#there are a lot of muscles that can affect nerves and vessels leading into the arms tho#so if its not the subcapularis then it might be a different guy#like my mortal enemy the latissimus dorsi#but that's for another post#chronic pain
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dunno if you've heard yet but KOSA aint getting passed! yay!
(https://www.fightforthefuture.org/news/2024-08-01-kosa-is-dead-now-its-time-to-unite-to-take-on-big-tech-for-real/
“KOSA was a poorly written bill that would have made kids less safe. I am so proud of the LGBTQ youth and frontlines advocates who have led the opposition to this dangerous and misguided legislation. It’s good that this unconstitutional censorship bill is dead for now, but I am not breathing a sigh of relief. It’s infuriating that Congress wasted so much time and energy on a deeply flawed and controversial bill while failing to advance real measures to address the harms of Big Tech like privacy, antitrust and algorithmic justice legislation.”
#m.#ask box#as a side note#I've never liked how a lot of anti-KOSA people focused solely on “it will end up hurting kids!” and wouldn't mention SWrs
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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The visual of Emmy being absolutely devastated and heartbroken during the period Rook went missing kept coming up. 😔
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#DAtV#emmrich volkarin#veilguard spoilers#spoilers#my art#just kept thinking about how much angst it’d be#esp rook going missing after that fight#and Emmy not getting the chance to apologise#and then thinking rook might be gone forever#just goes days without sleeping to research how to get rook back#and he’s not taking care of himself#doesn’t bother shaving or wearing all his jewellery#manfred gets concerned and asks the others for help too#and they check on him#cue days of the others helping him too#I love their dynamics sm and they’d absolutely take care of him while he’s struggling too#oughhh the potentials#sorry I just like hurt comfort tropes a lot ahaha#wonderful wonderful angst#if only
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