#it helps that the artist is so fucking cool. and good at art. im lit in bliss ive has the music video looped for ages rn

[toelessbastard]

not only do I deserve food. but. I also deserve to go absolutely batshit over this music video

[blxetsi]

Sup how is everything is it okay I can request a Headcannon eren who’s s/o is goes to art school and loves to paint and sketch please.

this is ironic since im failing my art class rn 😍✨ tysm for the request !!!

eren jaeger with an artist s/o headcanons (modern au)

lowercase intended !

college!eren jaeger x gn!reader

- he'd be your biggest fan for sure

- he's the kind of person that always says "if you need someone to draw ill be your muse 😏" like,,, no thanks bae 😁👍

- bc you guys have different majors and such, you two are always in opposite ends of the school, meaning you dont get to see him much throughout the day :(

- it sucks during exams because even when you two live together youre both in different parts of your apartment

- he'd study in your bedroom and youd study in your bedroom (that you turned into an art room)

- sometimes when youre working on a project you get really into it and just lose track of time

- thats when crybaby eren jaeger walks in and says "baby ? please come to bed i miss you 🥺"

- if you say something like "no i really have to finish this tonight" he'll respect that and leave, but he'll try and stay up until you come to bed. he never stays awake that long

- if youre like "five more minutes please ?" hes like "No ❤️" and will literally just pick you up and take you to bed

- if he knows youre getting low on supplies he takes a picture of the brand and product so he doesnt forget

- and then he gets it for you as like,, a present for christmas or something idk

- one time he went into your art room to try and get pictures of your watercolours after you made a comment abt getting low on it, but he accidentally tripped (he says it was on your supplies but you KNOW he just tripped on his own fucking foot 🙄) and fell onto MORE of your supplies

- he was so upset and felt so bad he tried to salvage some of the materials 😭😭😭

- and you could still use a lot of them !! so there wasnt really that much damage at all

- except for some of your paint tubes,,, they couldnt be saved 😔💔

- you two held a mini funeral for the lost items (his idea, not yours) at a park nearby your apartment building

- one time you were doing an anatomy unit in class and you genuinely came to him asking to sketch him and his face lit up like a puppy

- srsly this man started tearing UP he felt so special and needed and helpful that you were gonna draw him for your class project 😭😭😭

- once he learns more about art and techniques and stuff (all from you ofc) hes actually really good at giving you constructive criticism

- and you appreciate it a lot

- your back and shoulders always hurt from being hunched over or sitting on a stool while you paint for so long, so hes always there to help with a massage 🤩🤚

- he really gets into it too like,, he'll start saying how maybe he should drop out and become a masseuse full time

- please dont eren 😃🙏

- on halloween he asks you to do his makeup because he KNOWS youll make it look so good

- he gets so many compliments on his skull face that night omg, he gets so smug when he tells them you did it "yeah y/n did it for me 😏" "oh arent you dating them ?" "yeah im just a lucky guy 🥰"

- he likes to hold your hands and play with them, he thinks theyre so pretty and cool and thinks is so amazing that you can make such beautiful things with your hands

- he genuinely thinks youre one of the most interesting people hes ever met

- for a really big anniversary he'll paint you something 🥺

- he'll get really flustered and say "y'know youre always like, making stuff for me and drawing and doing really cool things so, i just wanted to make something for you" STOPPPP

- and it wont be that bad tbh, sister rlly took what he learned and applied it to his work

- after college when you guys have jobs or whatever, that painting is still hung up in your shared bedroom

- and if you ever have kids, you'll be sure to tell them that their father made it for you

okay this was acc really cute i enjoyed making this

hope you all enjoyed !! as always requests r open and stay safe everybody 🤩🤚

[mischiefandi]

A Shitty Love Song (Part 3) - Stiles Stilinski

No Shame

A/N: hi everyone, here is part 3, im sorry i couldn’t post it yesterday. part 4 will be out next saturday! ty for reading, hope you enjoy it

Summary: Y/N is a 17 year old girl who struggles in an epic battle against herself. Whether it is amor’s icy grasp or life’s unexpected course that forces her to finally open up, only one thing is certain. The truth cannot be long hidden.

Warnings: mentions of underage drinking, swearing, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks (if this triggers you in any way, please be careful)

Word Count: 5k

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Reader (Y/N)

Series Masterlist

(picture is not mine -> credits to @ sanjeevgrover on unsplash)

“I need you. I need you.”

Stiles’ cries had not escaped Y/N’s mind in the past two and a half weeks. On a loop, they played back, the words looming behind every action, every conversation, every thought. Never before had she heard pleas quite like the ones stuck in her head. It had been a real shock seeing her friend in such a state of panic and terror. Being Stiles’ friend, you couldn’t help but notice his anxious quirks and habits, but he had never lost control like that. At least, never in front of other people.

So as the weeks rolled into winter exams, Y/N found herself struggling to stay focused on her studies, her mind often wandering off in unwanted directions. She thought of Stiles, and of his distress, and she thought of those troubling words that still lingered in her mind. But most of all, she thought about how she still had no idea what happened. She had asked, multiple times, but Stiles had shut her down, providing fleeting excuses that she just wasn’t gullible enough to believe.

“Maybe he’s embarrassed.” She had thought to herself. And perhaps this was true. But if that was the case, did it mean he didn’t trust her? Was he uncomfortable around her? Did he regret showing that side of him and if so, what did that say about their friendship?  As always, Y/N’s mind overflowed with questions and hypotheses, and there was nothing she could do about it.

As the moonlight shone through her bedroom window, Y/N stood from her chair, her fingers furiously drumming against her chin as she focused, her brow furrowed in concentration.

“New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, uh…New York…” she recited, another overwhelming wave of stress hitting her for the third time that evening.

“Fuck!” she exclaimed, throwing her head back in frustration.

She was nervous. Tomorrow was the last day of exams, and she couldn’t mess it up. She generally had good grades in History, but the past few weeks had been exhausting and she truly was reaching her breaking point, making it more and more difficult to study even the simplest dates and events.

Y/N walked over to her art corner, her gleaming eyes glazing over the patterns of black and grey carefully applied to the canvas of her latest painting. She sighed, burying her face in her hands.

This abstract piece had been started at the beginning of winter exams, but she still hadn’t finished it. It wasn’t really that she didn’t have the time, it was something else. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but something was stopping her from completing the painting.

Whenever she stood in front of the canvas, unsure hands hovering above her color palette, her fingers retracted. It was a frustrating predicament, constantly coming back to the same issue and not knowing how to get out of it.

Y/N was so tired with it all. She was tired of the studying and the overwhelming waves of anxiety, and she was tired of not hearing from Stiles. She was tired of not finding a way out of her artistic rut and she was goddamn tired of feeling trapped.

Without warning, her eyes filled with water and for a split second, time stood still, before the tears overflowed, chaos crashing into her. Her breathing accelerated and she bit down on the inside of her mouth, pain erupting through her cheek.

“No, no, come on. Stop it,” she whimpered, the tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.

She had reached her breaking point. Slowly, she lowered herself down onto the floor, her back pressed against the foot of her bed. Her toes curled as she gripped the carpet beneath her, the soft fabric a small comfort. Y/N shut her eyes and winced, chaos burning inside of her stomach, and she forced herself to raise her finger up to her nostril, pressing the tip against her humid skin.

“1…2…3…” she gasped as she shakily breathed in the cool night air seeping through her bedroom window.

“1…2…3…” She exhaled loudly but slowly, forcing every last drop of air out of her lungs then back in as she started anew.

Slowly but surely, she felt her muscles start to relax, her weary toes uncurling. The chaos had thankfully subsided.

“This one barely even lasted a few minutes.” Y/N thought to herself, resting her head against her bed. She soothingly wrapped her arms around herself and continued to breathe, the exaggerated inhalations helping tremendously.

A few minutes of silence had passed when suddenly, the familiar buzzing of her phone made Y/N’s quiet bubble pop. Grimly, she made her way over to her phone sitting on the wooden surface of her desk and her red-rimmed eyes glazed over Allison’s name flashing through the bright screen. She answered instantaneously.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Y/N! How horrible is studying going?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, letting out a sharp laugh.

“Decently horrible. How’s it going for you?”

“Well…it could be going better,” Allison chuckled, her warm voice lighting up the room.

“We’re just so tired! Who the hell came up with the idea of making us sit through two whole weeks of exams?” huffed Y/N.

“It’s not that bad. I don’t know about you but my dad’s been acting like my butler.”

“Wow, well, if your new butler wants to start working for me as well, I don’t mind,” Y/N teased, Allison’s laugh echoing through her phone.

“So hey, I was talking with Isaac earlier today and we were thinking, why not hang out by the Hale House tomorrow after exams are done. We could have a bonfire and just celebrate the end of the trimester?”

“Oh my god, that sounds so fun,” Y/N gasped, her heart doing a backflip inside of her chest. She needed to see her friends.

“Yeah! I’ve missed our hangouts,” said Allison.

“I know, I have too. Hanging out and just chilling with everyone by a fire sounds perfect.”

“God knows we deserve a break.”

“What time were you and Isaac thinking?”

“I’m not sure, maybe around 7?”

“Yeah, no problem. What do you need me to bring?” asked Y/N, one hand resting on her hip.

“Um, maybe just a couple of blankets, I’ll text you if I think of anything else. Lydia’s bringing some drinks and the boys are handling food.”

“Okay, great. I can’t wait.”

“Me neither. Good luck with History tomorrow!” Allison exclaimed.

“You too. Goodnight, Ali,” replied Y/N before terminating the phone call.

She slumped into her desk chair and sighed slowly before straightening her back and passing a shaky hand through her hair. She was going to study and nail this exam. And then, she was going to have a blast at the bonfire.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

The excruciatingly demanding day had come to an end and Y/N felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her weary shoulders as she inhaled the cool evening air. The sun had gone down, all that was left was her shadow, following closely behind as she rode to the woods. Her History exam had gone really well considering how difficult it had been to study its content. Exams were over and done with, and the highly anticipated winter holidays were finally here, much to Y/N’s relief. Everyone needed this well-deserved break.

Y/N turned a sharp right onto the gravel trail leading up to the core of the forest, her heart beating with excitement. The chilly air whipped her face as she rode faster, her bike disappearing in a blur of dark trees and thick bushes as she inched closer and closer to the Hale House. Briefly tilting her head up, Y/N’s eyes caught a glimpse of a shooting star zooming through the night sky and disappearing into its dark backdrop in a flash.

After what seemed like an eternal bike ride later, she could finally hear the sounds of laughter and happy chatter echoing around her, and she grinned, entering the large clearing and jumping off of her seat. Her bike crashed onto the ground as she leapt in Lydia’s arms, breathing in the smell of fresh strawberries in their warm embrace.

“Finally! I was starting to think you’d never get here,” exclaimed the redhead. “You don’t pack lightly,” she added, gesturing at the large duffel bag hanging from Y/N’s shoulder.

“Yeah, Ali asked me to bring blankets,” Y/N replied, chuckling.

“Hmm, well our Mom thinks of everything,” joked Lydia.

“What did you just call me?” inquired a soft voice, and Y/N turned, her eyes falling onto Allison’s smirk.

“Oh come on, you know it’s true. You’re basically our mom.”

Allison giggled and put her arms around her friends’ shoulders, leading the pair towards the bonfire a few feet away.

“Well, I gladly accept the title,” she said, her voice light as the sun.

As Y/N got close to the fire, warmth fanned over the few inches of her skin not covered by her clothes.

“Y/N, you’re here!” said Scott, smiling widely, his eyes gleaming through the thick flames of the bonfire.

“Let’s get this party started,” Isaac whooped, his hand reaching for a can of cheap beer, knocking it back in mere seconds.

Y/N grinned at the group. Kira was seated between Scott’s legs, a bottle of coke in her grasp. Isaac pulled Allison down next to him, planting a sweet kiss on her cheek. Y/N’s kind eyes finally settled on Stiles. He was sitting next to Scott, his back pressed against a log, legs spread freely in front of the fire. Their eyes met and he smiled softly, her heart swelling with affection. She calmly sat herself down between Lydia and him, and conversation soon lit up the clearing, the group’s voices bright and excited.

“Can you believe it’s already winter break?”

“Seriously, I feel like we should still be in October,” replied Y/N as she handed Lydia some blankets to pass around.

“How did your exams go?” asked Scott, his eyes flicking from one person to another.

“Decently,” shrugged Isaac, Stiles scoffing at his words.

“You called me up at 2 in the morning asking me if it was true our next exam was Geography and not Econ,” he mocked and Allison laughed out loud, her head thrown back.

“I see I’m not the only one he wakes up in the middle of the night,” she teased, resting her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder, their fingers intertwining.

“Okay, there were some organizational issues, but we fixed them and agreed not to mention them. Ever again,” he replied, shooting a deadly glare at Stiles.

“How do you feel about your exams, Scott?” asked Y/N, swiftly moving the focus away from the guilty blabbermouth seated next to her.

Scott nodded, his bottom lip tucked back in his mouth.

“Honestly, I think I did pretty well. Biology went much better than I thought it would so that’s great. Thank you again, Lyds, you saved me,” he added, sending a grateful look at the redhead who smiled in response.

“You did the work, Scott. It was all you,” she replied.

“I’m actually pretty sure I flunked Biology but the rest was fine,” Allison said. “How did History go, Y/N?”

Y/N grinned widely before bowing before the bonfire, Lydia scoffing at the gesture.

“Yours truly is officially the queen of History.”

“Hey, congrats! Who’s your History teacher?” Kira asked.

“Uh, Mr Hebowitz. You’re lucky you don’t have him, he friggin sucks.”

“Well, I’d take him over my dad any day. Seriously, if I have to hear one more embarrassing childhood story brought up in class, I’m gonna burst.”

“Yeah, that sounds bad,” Y/N winced.

“I gotta say it’s pretty entertaining though. I didn’t know you were so big on martial arts,” said Stiles.

“Yeah, I read this book about a femme fatale superhero with a katana and I just thought that was so cool. So I begged my parents to let me take martial arts lessons and I loved it!”

“Woah, that’s so awesome. So you’re basically a super ninja?” Isaac inquired, his expression serious and unphased.

Lydia laughed, her head shaking repeatedly.

“More like a samouraï but close enough,” she said.

“Yeah, sorry. And before you ask, no- I don’t know the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” teased Kira.

“Isaac isn’t really familiar with anything so cultural, isn’t that right, Isaac?” Stiles piled on, grinning sarcastically.

“Isn’t that right, Isaac,” the sandy-haired boy childishly mimicked, “Shut up, Bilinski.”

“I will have you know, I am proud of that name. It got me on the lacrosse field.”

“And which of your numerous exploits can you recall from said lacrosse field?” said Y/N, intently watching his face with an amused expression etched on hers.

Stiles met her gaze for a split second, lips pursed, then shot back to Isaac.

“The point is lacrosse is great,” he cried out.

Laughter erupted in the clearing as the fire crackled, smoke rising up into the frigid night air. The group passed along bottles and cans of beer, discussing the previous weeks with excitement. It had finally sunk in that the holidays were here.

“Okay, as much as I love reliving our painful school experiences, I propose we play a drinking game instead,” suggested Isaac, mischief painted across his face, his eyes glinting brightly.

“I’m down, it’s been a while!”

“Let’s do this,” Y/N cheered, clapping her hands together in excitement.

“Never Have I Ever?”

“Yeah, why not?” said Stiles with a nod.

“Okay, never have I ever had a girlfriend?” asked Y/N.

“Evil genius,” growled Isaac, as the boys all put a finger down. Y/N gulped at the sight of Stiles’ thumb going down, ignoring the discomfort she felt as quickly as it had come.

“Never have I ever…blacked out at a party?” Isaac inquired, shooting a glance at Y/N.

“Ali!” she scolded.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think you’d mind! I mean, everyone saw you…” the brunette replied, guilt spread across her face.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get my revenge.”

“For what it’s worth, it happens to the best of us,” Scott joked, sending Y/N a friendly smile.

“Come on, next question!”

“Okay, okay. I got this one,” said Stiles, his amber eyes contemplating the individuals seated around him through the bright flames of the bonfire. “Never have I ever…gone skinny dipping.”

Kira suddenly choked on her coke, harsh coughs escaping her throat as the group laughed, colour flooding in Scott’s cheeks. He looked down at the ground in embarrassment, his lips curled into a nervous smile.

“Wow, I did not see that coming!” exclaimed Y/N, giggling at the couple.

“Okay…next question,” Scott replied, anxious to move onto someone else’s embarrassing stories.

“No no, this is a fun topic. Any other fun places you guys have hooked up in that you want to tell us about?” insisted Isaac, grinning widely, evidently proud of his drinking game skills.

“It’s no Hale House hookup,” declared Lydia as she took a sip of her beer, her eyes widening in shock when Allison sent her an aggravated look, shaking her head repeatedly.

“What now?”

“You did it in the Hale House?” Y/N shrieked.  

“Isaac, I had no idea you were such a freak in the sheets,” Stiles mocked, his mischievous grin sending the group into a fit of laughter.

“I can’t believe you just said that, Lyds.”

“Well to be fair, you did expose Y/N.”

“Yeah see, Ali, karmically, it evens out.”

“Fine, I forgive you.”

“I still can’t believe you two hooked up in those ruins. Weren’t you afraid of- I don’t know…dying?” asked Stiles.

“We all do crazy things when we’re in the moment.”

“Okay, but come on, creepy house sex?”

“Guys, leave them alone,” Kira said, giggling at the sight of Allison’s reddening cheeks.

“I don’t know, I’m finding this pretty entertaining,” Y/N happily replied, beaming as she watched her friend squirm.

“Oh yeah? Well what about you Y/N? Anything you want to tell us?” asked Isaac, grinning slyly from ear to ear.

Y/N’s heart stopped mid-beat, a knot tying in her stomach as everyone’s eyes turned to her. Suddenly the air around her seemed cooler than before, and she couldn’t help but feel trapped under her friends’ curious gazes, waiting for her to answer the not-so innocent question.

“I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said timidly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“So, you didn’t hook up with someone at Danny’s party?”

“What?” exclaimed Scott, almost spitting out his drink. “At the rave?”

“Ali, what the hell?” Y/N hissed, her brows furrowed in confusion and disappointment.

“I didn’t say anything! Honestly. How did you know that?” the brunette demanded, turning her head in Isaac’s direction.

“I saw the hickeys at school on Monday, so I assumed. Was I wrong?” the boy replied, sending Y/N a look.

“It wasn’t a hook up! And anyway, it didn’t mean anything. It was just some random guy and I was drunk. End of story,” Y/N gruffly declared before downing the rest of her beer with a noisy gulp.

She sent Stiles a glance, hoping to see some kind of reaction. Whether he seemed shocked or embarrassed, it didn’t actually matter. All she wanted was something, anything to finally piece together that eventful but blurry Halloween and leave it be. Only, her heart sank when her eyes rested on an impassive face, Stiles’ expression utterly unreadable, blank as a white sheet of paper. Either it truly had not been him, or he didn’t care, and for some unknown reason, both possibilities were painful to think about.

“Still, it’s pretty adventurous, especially coming from you!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Y/N asked, eyes wide with shock.

“Well, it was your first kiss wasn’t it?” Lydia inquired gently.

Y/N eyes glazed over the curious faces watching her closely, and she felt her throat close, the air suddenly thick and difficult to breathe in. She looked down at the frozen ground beneath her as she clutched the blanket wrapped around her body, and she spoke again, her voice timid and unstable.

“I guess so. But, like I said, it’s really not that big a deal.”

A few seconds of silence passed before Allison finally broke the uncomfortable void, clapping her hands together, snapping everyone out of their daze.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!”

Y/N sent her a grateful glance and smiled widely, the emptiness in her stomach swiftly grabbing her attention.

“Yes! Let’s eat.”

The group laughed and talked, their voices echoing throughout the clearing in the night, their shadows dancing playfully in the deep hues of orange and red emitted from the flames before them. Chocolate marks leftover from smores were licked off of fingers and light beer and coke was swallowed effortlessly. Soon the evening quieted down and groups formed, peaceful conversations spoken in soft voices overlapping and mixing with the warm crackles of the fire, alive and breathing.

Y/N laughed with Lydia as she sipped on her drink, her eyes occasionally crossing Stiles’ gaze. He seemed tired but still he grinned at Scott, their chuckles as warm as the bonfire. Slowly, she shifted closer to him, her fingers turning blue from the cold hidden away in the front pocket of her big hoodie. The boy smiled softly at her before letting his eyes revert back to the ground, his hands fidgeting with a twig. She watched his movements in silence as she thought about what to say.

Scott had his back turned to Stiles now, whispering sweet nothings in Kira’s ears, making her giggle sweetly whilst Isaac, Allison, and Lydia talked about past parties and marvelous memories. For a moment, it seemed like the only people there were Stiles and herself, comfortably sitting next to each other without speaking, yet at peace.

Finally, she spoke.

“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” she began, her eyes gazing deep into the flames before her. “But I want you to know I would never judge you for something like that. I don’t- I don’t know what you think went through my head back there but, it was nothing…bad.”

Her words were met with silence and she bit her lip, wondering if he was ever going to answer.

He wasn’t.

She nodded to herself and took a deep breath, the combined scent of earthy woods and fire filling her nostrils.

“I don’t judge you because I have them too,” she murmured, her voice cracking slightly.

She saw him turn to her out of the corner of her eye, but refused to meet his gaze, keeping her own cautiously fixated on the bonfire.

“My family moves around a lot, so…meeting new people, having to start fresh in new schools all the time, it was just really hard. I’d get very anxious and I started having panic attacks. They’d happen in class, at home, in bed, anywhere really. I tried to hide them from my parents but eventually my teacher called my dad one day and told him I’d been skipping class- which I wasn’t. It was just that every time I’d get to school, my heart would start beating so fast and I’d have trouble breathing so I’d hide out in the girl’s bathroom and wait ‘till it calmed down.”

Y/N kept talking, feeling the weight she had carried for so long slowly lift itself from her weary shoulders, relief spreading across her body.

“So…my parents confronted me and I told them about it all, the panic attacks and how anxious I felt, and the missed classes. All of it. It was a good thing cause they knew, so I didn’t have to hide it anymore, but- they didn’t know how to help and eventually the panic attacks got worse. We moved to another town for my mom’s job and that’s when it got really bad. I wasn’t able to sleep or eat, I felt numb and tired and I didn’t even know why.

“I was just constantly struggling and it felt like I was never gonna feel normal ever again. And then…we moved to Beacon Hills and I met you guys, and I don’t know why it was so different but I don’t feel as anxious when I’m with you. I feel good. And I haven’t felt that way in a long time,” she finally said, her heart beating at a hundred miles an hour.

For the first time in her life, she had willingly told a friend about that darker side of her, the one she was so ashamed of, the one she had always taught herself to hide away from anyone else. It was terrifying beyond belief, but it was so alleviating.

Again, Y/N waited patiently for a response, for anything but the cold silence she had gotten used to expecting from him. And finally, after what seemed like a terrifying eternity, it came.

“My mom died from something called frontotemporal dementia when I was 9. It’s a brain disease that has no cure,” Stiles muttered, his hands still fidgeting with the twig, his long fingers shaking slightly, though Y/N couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or something else.

“I had no idea.”

“Yeah, I don’t really talk about it, not even with Scott. Everyone knows about it, I just- yeah.”

Y/N finally met his gaze, sending him a gentle smile of encouragement and his amber eyes bore into hers, as if searching for something in her beautiful irises.

“As a kid, I’d get really bad nightmares because of it. Night terrors, stuff like that. And then I started getting panic attacks too. When I wasn’t sleeping, I was a mess and when I finally did sleep, it was more of the same,” he continued, his voice wavering with emotion as he tried to keep his cool.

“That’s intense.”

“Yeah,” he laughed dryly, “intense is one way to describe it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” she asked, her voice a soft murmur.

“Probably for the same reason as you,” he replied with a lopsided smile.

“Touché.” Y/N chuckled softly and Stiles did too.

He then paused, looking down at his dirty sneakers covered In dirt and dark ash.

“It’s not something I’m proud of- and on some level, I wish you hadn’t seen me like that.”

Y/N frowned, her brows furrowing deeply as she pursed her lips, perplexed.

“Why though?”

Stiles looked up at her, his expression serious and unphased, his gaze so intense the world around her faded with his answer.

“I didn’t want you to think that I’m weak,” he said in earnest, his voice steady with candor.

Y/N’s heart tore a little, his words revealing yet another part of him she hadn’t seen before. He was insecure. And she had had no idea.

You think you know someone, but you won’t truly know that person until they bring down their walls and reveal themselves fully to you. This is precisely why amor works so steadily, slowly creeping up your body and wrapping itself around you, inch by inch. It grows with every facet you uncover, it matures with every conversation, every laugh, every secret. Amor isn’t sudden and superficial. It is the most tantalizing and intrusive thing that will ever enter your life, and it will hijack your entire system, turning you into a slave unaware of his or her condition.

Right then, amor grew a little more.

“Stiles, I could never think that. Hey,” she said, placing her hand on his knee, the boy’s world magically shattering at the sudden and unpredictable gesture.

“You are strong and you’re resilient and I will never judge you- because I care about you,” Y/N declared steadily, her eyes piercing through his. He watched her closely, as though he was trying to catch her in a lie, but she wasn’t lying. She meant every word and this fact sent him into a whirlwind of emotions that he couldn’t even begin to describe, not even if he tried.

“I care about you,” he replied earnestly, his gaze never leaving hers.

“Obviously,” Y/N teased, removing her hand from her friend’s knee and curling it into a ball before shoving it back under her blanket, the cold air meeting her skin in a harsh embrace.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let that get to your head.”

“Pshh.”

Finally, late in the night, the pack members got up and packed their things, shoving the blankets and rubbish back in their bags before throwing water onto the firepit they had created for themselves. The group slowly walked out of the clearing, following the path back towards the road, chatter still illuminating the late night air. Scott and Isaac playfully howled together in unison, walking ahead of the group, as Kira, Lydia, and Allison followed, discussing the evening and the beautiful memories they had created together.

Behind them strolled Stiles, with his hands in his pocket, and Y/N, slowly walking alongside her bicycle, the pair chatting peacefully as the night came to an end.

“Hey, before we go home, I just want to say this,” Stiles said, stopping in his tracks, turning around to face Y/N. She looked at him curiously, wondering what was so urgent for him to tell her.

“I’m all ears,” she replied, grinning at him.

“I didn’t say it before, and I should’ve. Thank you for helping me that day. I’m sorry I didn’t thank you sooner, and I’m sorry I didn’t reach out.”

“Sti, you don’t have to apo-“

“-But I do. You didn’t deserve it,” he said decisively, cutting her off.

Y/N’s eyes bore into his, the grin etched on her lips turning into a tender smile.

“I appreciate you saying that. But Stiles, I meant what I said. I will always be looking out for you. So, if it happens again, or if you ever need to talk, please, remember that I’m here,” she insisted.

Stiles’ expression softened at her words.

“I know you have those moments too, and I want you to know- I…”

“Yeah?”

“I-“

“-Guys! You coming or what?” Their friends’ loud voices knocked both Y/N and Stiles out of the moment, the pair snapping their heads towards the pack already many feet away.

“We should probably catch up with them,” Y/N said, slightly disappointed Stiles hadn’t been able to finish his sentence, her mind racing with intrusive thoughts she desperately tried to ignore as he nodded at her, his lips pursing.

At the end of the path, when they had finally found the road, the friends exchanged tight hugs and last goodbyes, their smiles wide and their hearts swollen with affection. The evening had been wonderful, and the memories they had created would never leave their minds, too exciting and remarkable to ever be put to rest.

Stiles walked over to Y/N and wrapped his long arms around her, his nose breathing in her peach-scented shampoo as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Y/N felt his heart thunder against her chest and for a split second, time stopped again. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of his body and the smell of leather mixed with firewood, inhaling deeply against him. Eventually, they left each other’s embrace with a soft smile and the group parted ways, each member heading home in the cool winter air.

As Y/N was about to start riding, she felt her pocket vibrate against her stomach, her hand reaching for her phone instantaneously. Her eyes focused on the bright blue light of her phone screen and she felt her heart leap in her chest at the sight of the captivating words she had just received.

Stiles: what I was gonna say was

Stiles: I will always be there for you

Stiles: get home safe

She smiled widely, colour flooding her cheeks as she reread the texts, her mind unable to focus on anything other than Stiles. Amor had won again.

A/N: i worked very hard on this series, so if you enjoyed reading it, please reblog it, even if you dont have a large following, it would really help me out a lot <3 thank you for reading ! love u guys

if you would like to be added to this series’ taglist, please send me an ask :)

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[detginski]

A tattoo for a lengthen hand hold

Human!RK900 x reader

tattoo artist au with flower shop au hehehe

writing for self indulgence also bcs muirail gave me this idea and its lit as shit

as usual, word vomit + shitty writing + lining words together to make some sense. mckfing enjoy muah muah

It’s been a slow day at the parlor. You were supposed to have an appointment now but the customer canceled last minute due to some things they can’t avoid. So here you are, hanging on the bench infront of the parlor, smoking and watching the world go by. It was a chilly kind of lazy day, you enjoy the sound of people chattering excitedly at the cafe right down the streets, the soft sound of machine whirring inside the parlor and you look up at the bright and colorful shop right across the street from the parlor. You smiled against your cigarette when you notice the older Anderson talks to his plants as he waters them. Over the time you worked there, you develop a little bit of crush towards that man. It was not your fault that you fell for the charming smile he gives to the customer or when he just looks so serene and handsome when he checks out the flowers at the shop like its the most amazing thing he has seen. Oh how you wished he looked at you like that. Your crushing was made apparent when Gavin pointed it out one day. And everyone in the tattoo parlor sees it and agrees on the fact that you are very much very inlove with the man who only spares you a few words of greeting. Gavin always teases you whenever Nines opens up his shop or whenever he walks by the parlor and if you were tattooing someone at the moment, you would put your tattoo gun down and watch him walk by. 

You threw your cigarette butt in the almost filled ash tray beside you and walked across the street towards the shop. You knocked on the window, smiling and waving when the man on the other side of the glass turned to look at you. You could see him restraining himself on giving you an eyeroll. Lets just say your charisma check is always a critical fail the d20 dice whenever you talk to him. Because of your shitty social skill, you weren't exactly on his ‘favourite person’ list because of that one incident where you accidentally embarrassed him in front of his customers. Well, it wasn’t your fault that when you learnt his name is Richard, you thought his nickname was Dick. And that got you downgraded from ‘eh im okay with them’ person to ‘what the fuck is this weirdo still here’ person. But you are still on his ‘tolerable person’ list and you get to call him by his actual nickname, Nines. You see him putting down his watering can and walked out of the shop to lean on the window you just knocked. 

“So what secrets did the plants tell you today?” You mentally punched yourself in the face for that shit conversation starter. But you could hear him chuckle at your comment and your heart soared, score one of the geek!, you thought as you light up a cigarette. "If it weren’t for the fact that your shop is right across of mine, I would think you’re either obsess with me or you have a crush on me.” He says as he plucks the cigarette you just lit out of your mouth and smoked it himself. You looked up at him dumbfounded and blushed when you see him smoking your cigarette. Which had touched your lips. You turn head down to watch your feet when he turns to look at you with an eyebrow raised “So, which is it?” he asks as he keeps on smoke the cigarette that’s been on your lip. On your lip, like an indirect kiss or some sort. You are very much freaking out, mentally and physically, over that fact and you just blurt out a, “hey! looks like I forgot I have an appointment right now. Catch ya later, flower boyyo!” You awkwardly gave him a wink and finger guns him before jogging back to your parlor and entered hastily. 

Everyone in the shop had seen the exchange, Jason was giggling while he works on a tattoo on a customer, Tina who's working the counter gave you a thumbs up and Gavin openly laughed at your face. “You should’ve seen your face! God that was so priceless. I’m pretty sure he’s thinking how much of a weirdo you are right now, (y/n).” Gavin had laughed so hard he had to sit down to catch his breath. You rolled your eye at your best friend and purposely lean on him with your full weight, "Shut the fuck up, noob. It’s not like you’re any different. Oh Connor, Oh beautiful baby faced Connor” You said in a mocking sweet voice. That earned you a pinch on your thigh. “Okay, now YOU. Shut up.” You mocked a laugh at the man and he just gave you a middle finger. “Get off me you mooch. Unlike you I have a job to do.” You made a face at him and moved to sit at the seat Gavin was sitting, “It’s not like it’s my fault my customer bailed on me.” “maybe its because you have so much geek tattoo on you they’re afraid your nerd would rub off on them.” “Oh shut up, tattoos are art and you shouldn’t insult art.” Gavin shuts his mouth at that and nods with a smile, “Point taken, flower boyyo.” He escaped with a laughter towards the studio for fear you might flung the nearest item towards him.

You were cleaning up after a walk in customer when the bell on the front door rang, signalling someone had entered the parlor. You heard Gavin greeted them and him, chuckling? You inwardly shrug and finish clearing up your area before Gavin called you from the front desk. You answered and grabbed your cup of coffee, sipping on it as you walked from the studio to the front desk only to nearly choke on your coffee when you realize who it was. You coughed wildly into your palm and Gavin’s hand automatically went to your back to give it a pat. You could’ve swore you see Nines’ face changed from irritated look to indifference in mere seconds. You thought he really does dislike you to a certain level that made him do that face when he sees you. You deflate alittle but turned to Gavin to avoid looking like a kicked puppy if you made eye contact with Nines. 

“So what’s the sitch?” "First of all, you nerd. Second of all, our neighbour here wanted to get a tattoo.” 

“Oh cool-” 

“From you.” 

You thanked god you had put down your coffee cup because if you were still holding it you're afraid it might've get crushed in your hand. You turn to Nines and your eyes widen in surprise, “Cool cool cool cool cool. So what is it that you want me to tattoo on you?” Gavin gave you a really wide smile and lean in to whisper in your ear, "Pray real hard he gets to take off his shirt.” And slink away as you blushed at that. Now that you’re facing Nines, you could see that he wasn’t irritated at you, he was irritated at.. Gavin? But what did Gavin do that made him the receiving end of Nines' face? you thought but ignored it for the sake of good customer service. Nines cleared his throat and took out his phone to show you a sleeve tattoo that runs from the chest to the back of his hands, “I want to design done, if that’s alright.” you took his phone from his hand and ‘ooh-ed aahh-ed and woaw-ed’ at it all while looking super amazed. "Oh damn, flower boyyo! This is a sick ass design!" you excitedly told him, that gained you a soft smile coming from the man. The design was a biometric design starting from the chest with dashes of flowers in between. "Give me two days tops to make a stencil out of it. Oh my god can't wait to get this done!" You're so excited you forgot who are you tattooing and the fact that, he indeed will take off his shirt for you, when you're tattooing him. 

"Can you send me the design via bluetooth?" Nines shook his head and gave you a suave smile, "I'll text it to you. What's your number?" You stopped your movement half way and look up at him, did he just.. did he just casually asked for your number?, your dork brain is screaming at you and your heart is already out of your chest, writhing on the floor because, your crush had just asked for your number. "U-uhh.." You had to clear your throat and shook your head to get your mouth connected with your brain again. "I-I'll type it down on your phone." You quickly typed in your phone and pass it back to him without saving it. You were still trying to comprehend what had happen when you jumped at the sound of your ringtone. "Now you have my number. I'll text it to you later, okay?" He says, still flashing his suave smile and then he winks. He mcfucking winked at you with that smile plastered on his face and for the love of god it has your heart spluttered to a stop. And you only managed stare at him dumbfounded as you watch him walk out of the store.

You turn to Gavin who's watching the entire exchange and you immediately let your freak out, "What the fuck?! What the flying fuck?! Did you see that?! Gav!! Did you FUCKING see that?!" Gavin was also freaking out with you but he's laughing while you're genuinely freaking out. "Ho..ly.. SHIT!!!!! That actually fucking happen!! Oh my fuck!!" Gavin laughed his ass off again for the second time that day and you can’t help but join him laughing. It took the both of you 20 minutes to cool down. “Oh my god. oh my good fucking god. That man is going to kill me one day” “Not if he smash your pelvis first!” with that you smack your bestfriend in the head.

The first text you received from Nines was the picture of the tattoo and a ‘Can’t wait to see you in action’ and that got you squealing and nearly punching Gavin in the face when the other decided its a great idea to chill in your room when you’re excited. Since then, both of you have been casually texting each other, usually Nines is the one initiating the texts. He always sends you a good morning with a picture of his flowers or plants or even a blurry picture of Connor he took which you gave it to Gavin. Finally you’re done with the stencil and it was time you see his naked torso get on with the epic tattoo. Gavin has been teasing you about it since morning and you felt like you haven’t had enough coffee for the day even tho you drank almost 6 mugs of coffee. 

You sent a quick text to Nines saying he could drop by anything and you’re just prepping area for Nines when suddenly you felt a presence behind you. Thinking it was Gavin trying to tease you for the millionth time that day, “I know what you want to say, Gav. Can’t I just enjoy my job for once? I mean yeah we both know he has a really hot bod and I’m definitely gonna enjoy my time tattooing him but really? I’m getting real tired of the relentless teasing since last night.” you sighed and turn to the presence behind you only to have your eyes nearly popped out of your socket and your face turning bright red. Nines is just smiling widely and looking very amused. “So when shall we start, (y/n).” the way his voice lowers an octave on your name does things to your heart and to your body. “U-uhh I-in a few minutes! Just give me a moment to prep the area! Wait at the lounge would you?” you nervously blurt out as you escape from him and running straight to Gavin. You put your face on Gavin’s shoulder and screamed into it. Gavin is used to you using him as a ‘venting pillow’ just pats you on the head, “That’s what you get for being such a loser, loser.” you just punched him at the side weakly and Gavin chuckled at that. He noticed that Nines is actively trying to murder him with his eyes from the lounge and he nudges you, “Uhh, apparently flower boyyo is trying to kill me with his eyes. I’m actually scared now. Get off me before he walks over here and stabs me with one of my own needles.” You reluctantly lets go of Gavin and turns to Nines only to see that the man is just flashing you one of his suave smile. “Ugh, if he keeps on giving me that smile I swear I’m going to have a cardiac arrest and high blood pressure.” Gavin only chuckled at that and went back to working on his customer’s tattoo.

You finished prepping the area and called Nines over. “You can take off your shirt.. if you’re comfortable with it.” you added quickly. Nines chuckled and took it off without answering you and dear god good lord almighty all the high heavens sweet baby jesus he is EXTREMELY WELL BUILT FOR A FLORIST, you thought and unconsciously licked your lips. What you didn’t realize was, Nines was watching your expression and his eyes darken for a second at you licking your lips. You took in a shuddering breath and asked him to lean back on the chair, “You ready for some pain, flower boyyo?” “It’s definitely better than you calling me ‘dick’” he winked at you and you just awkwardly laugh at that embarrassing memory. “Aalrighty then.” and with that you start, focusing entirely on doing the tattoo and obviously not on the rigged body you feel underneath your glove clad hands.

The tattoo session you had with Nines was just completing the chest and bicep part, then the second session was the shading of the area and you continuing down to his forearm. And then finally the last session, where you get to hold his hand for the final part of the bionic arm tattoo. During the last few session, you learnt that he had served in the army and the marines. His dad wanted him to become a cop but he felt like the cop life just doesn’t suits him. So he went and sign up for the army then continue on to being in the marine. Hence the wellbuilt body and his knowledge on different types of martial arts and weapons. You, a dork, was intrigued by his stories and his adventures, you wished the sessions never ends. But alas, here you are, almost completing his tattoo. 

Gavin could see you pouting the entire morning and watching the time like it had insulted your entire family lineage. He sighed at your slow brain and approached you that morning during a smoke break, “Ask him out for coffee.” “He could get coffee here.” “I mean ask him out on a date, dumbass.” You just turn to Gavin with the most scandalous expression, “I can’t just ask a very attractive man on a date! Have you seen me? I look like a raccoon shedding its fur. If not worse, like a balding raccoon drenched in garbage water. That’s what I look like on a daily basis.” “Not to him, you’re not.” you just rolled your eyes at your bestfriend’s attempt on making you feel better. “No I mean for real. Have you seen the way he looks at you when you’re talking about your geeky shit or that one story you thought was funny but it was not? Yo! It’s like some cliche rom com shit Tina likes to watch.” “As if.” “Believe it or not, I’m just saying. Oop, here comes your flower boyyo. Ask him out goddamnit.” He knocks your shoulder before leaving to attend to his customer. You scrunch your face at Gavin and turned to smile at Nines, “Ready for the final piece?” “I’m ready if you are.” and there he goes, flashing that damned handsome smile of his. Your heart still beats out of your chest at that sight but it dampens alittle at the thought that you won’t be able to talk with him much anymore because he’s not obligated to be stuck with you and you’re pretty sure he doesn’t want to hang out with a dork like you. You sat him down at the chair and he hold out his hand for you, you went from lovesick dork to professional tattoo artist in a second when the tattoo gun is in your gloved hand. 

The entire time you held his hand, you didn’t notice Nines took several pictures of you working on his hand tattoo and the fact that he had squeezed your hand to see if you noticed, which you didn’t. Instead of talking, both of you kept silent and the only sound coming from that area was the whirring of the tattoo machine and your fall out boy playlist playing softly on the speaker by the chair. By the time you’re done with his tattoo, you put down the tattoo gun and gently wipe the tattoo. That’s when you realize you held his hand for a very very long time. You wanted to pull your hand away but he clutched your hand in his. You turn up to him, blushing and he leans extremely close to you, “Do you want to go on a date with me?” he caught you off guard and it took you awhile to get your mouth to function instead of hanging uselessly open, you let out an awkward laugh instead. “Y-yeah sure! I mean yeah we could hang out, I’m not exactly a good date material. I mean have you seen me? Haha If you put a wet raccoon next to me I’m pretty sure you’ll me thinking the raccoon looks better than me-” he shut you up by kissing the corner of your lips. Your eyes widen a fraction and thank god you were sitting if not you’d be tumbling down on the floor by how much your knee shakes. Instead of you leading him to the front desk to settle his last tattoo payment, he pulled you up and both of you held hands the entire way to the front desk. He passed you the cash and leans towards you to plant a kiss on your cheek. “I’ll text you the details.” and with that he gave you a final wink and walked out of the store.

It took you a full 10 full minutes to come back to life and freak the fuck out.

Gavin is just snickering and happily collects 10bucks from Jason and Tina. “Told you they won’t make the first move.”

[ber-bonfamille-lyons]

BDRP Resolutions

in which this is long 

Write your RPer Resolutions for 2018!

-Plot with more members, definitely! I try to expand of course and rp threads with everyone but I think I could do better and could def do bigger plots with more people.

-Complete more tasks tbh. This one is gonna be hard for me to do but idk if I could do at least one task every other month that would be an improvement over last year haha.

-Continue to work on scenery and detail etc. My weaknesses. I hope that rping more detail-oriented characters, like Charlie or even Mowgli, or exploring the lake with Andrina or the forest with Prince/Merida will help with this. Though also just being more aware of it in the day to day

-Dream Journal for Charlie/More music stuff for radio

Write at least one resolution, or “goal,” that you have as an RPer for your character(s)

Mel: This was on last year’s so that tells u something but I think it’s gonna happen-- explore her feelings for Howl! Also would love for her to do some more seedy things and i see want an apprentice!!

Ber: Explore Berlioz’s mental health more. Whether I do this through tasks/one-shots or something, Ber is kinda in this weird place where he’s blurring the line between reality/fantasy and I think that’s interesting. A lot of it has to do with things he isn’t dealing with (trauma from Taka and going down into hell). Also very specifically I want him to rp with Marie more bc Berrie is kinda underdeveloped both on my part as an rper and his part as like a mediocre brother lmao. I also like him as a supporting role in other people’s plots and I hope I can keep pushing him in those directions. And of course I’m very interested to see him and Simba repair and grow their relationship hopefully stronger than ever. <3 OH and g row a backbone tbh stand up for himself more do it ber

Kiara: Figure out her school life!! I still want to have her shadow someone sooo I think I could see her shadowing Minnie or even Jiminy since she’s sort of into health and social work. Also explore her envy of her friends with magic bc she had powers in Star wars and lowkey she still wants powers (opportunity for Feys Gold Antics here-- also feel liek there could be something interesting in Kiara v. Jake if Jake really does start getting more elitist)

Hades: BOARD STUFF. Im really excited to play Hades as a politician and like-- authority figure in town. Though he’s gotta save his own soul first lol. Also supporting Belle in hopefully going back to school. Alsoooo there are loose threads in hell that I have and would like 2 look into…

Milo: Talk with Jane about what comes next after pride u because his grant is almost up! Plot with BIANCA/BERNARD hopefully about the rescue aid society.

Nala: ONE NIGHT STAND SERIOUSLY. Let loose. Date someone bc if she fell in love work wouldnt be her focus and she’d grow a lot. Uh repair relationship with Simba?

Kiki: bring back jiji lmfao i suck. Finish her apprenticeship and unlock the trU nature of her powers and stuff mhm. Also kiss someone lol

Anita: Bring her fam in town and explore like, this clash between her old life and the new life now that she has grown so much.

Prince: ACCEPT UR FEELINGS FOR ELLA. Embrace them! Continue to train Bambi/find the fucker who shot u/be a Dad and do Dad things like idk a parent teacher conference??? Thats hilarious. Somehow I want him to become like a guest lecturer at Pride U but I’m not sure how yet. I also feel like idk Akela could draw him into becoming slightly darker after this shooting and that might be interesting so who knows, maybe he should join Akela’s morally gray magic club,

Paul: GO TO PRIDE U PLZ. Deal with the paulina plot lol. Contend with his inferiority issues that stem from the financial inequality between him and Perdy. Just rly go into their relationship and figure it out post-break up post-make up u know

Andrina: Explore the lake. Get into seedy stuff with Ursula maybe??? Continue to sleep with people thats very fun for me. FIND OUT WHO RAVEN IS. Get a cat.

Merida: I need her to make more friends bc I want her to fuck up and then ruin all those friendships ahaha. Want to have a showdown with some powerful magicks, gimme Akela and Max, all the shapeshifters!!!

Mowgli: Meet the Bonfamilles (lmao). Uhhh would lvoe to rp more with Akela i need to brainstorm how. I’d also like him to become more extreme tbh? Maybe start having night terrors or something bc of all his suppressed guilt wow just got a good idea ahha. Alsoooo maybe get a mentoooor…

Charlie: HAVE A PROPHECY ABOUT SOMEONE PPL HIT ME UP. I wanna start him on the research train when I get that in place and also maybe abuse hospital equipment (aka scan his own brain ehhe)  but also maybe save someone’s life would be cool, ok, yeah. Also hopefully grow his relationships with all hospital personnel and patients, and maybe get a  mentorship with Tibbs and/or Sweet. In fact it’d be really cooool if he could eventually help Sweet with his research like as an intern or assistant or something. And also i want to get him to an event but i need him to get a friend for that so!!! A texting buddy friend, that is a specific goal.

Write at least one resolution IN CHARACTER for your characters. What do THEY want to accomplish or change in the New Year? 

Mel: “Do something impossible.”

Ber: “Be a better brother and friend and boyfriend… be less crazy lol ahah”

Kiara: “figure out my LIFE lmao”

Hades: “Make real change in Swynlake.”

Milo: “Apply for a grant to study Atlantis...again.”

Nala: “Be my oWN love of my life. I’m a single independent woman and that’s amazing, I’m AMAZING.”

Kiki: “Restore Jiji D:”

Anita: “Direct a play again! That would be very fun. Oh, and paint more, I really do need to paint.”

Prince: “Be a good father to Bambi… make the forest a safe place again.”

Paul: “Be a good father, a good partner-- find better ways to support my kids.”

Andrina: “lol i dont DO goals bye.”

Merida: “Shoot Mor’du. Become a Prince.”

Mowgli: “... don’t make any trouble.”

Charlie: Bitch has a list.

Get phlebotomist license!!

Renew certs: CPR/AED/First Aid/Wilderness First Aid/BLS

Give up gluten! Again!

Exercise.

Go to a Swynlake Event! It will be fine no one will die!!! (!!!)

Plotting Exercise! Pick one of the resolutions/goals in #2 and plan a rough guideline to how you could accomplish it.

Mowgli explores his powers/grief

PARA 1: Has a  nightmare and accidentally sets something on fire (Akela)

PARA 2: Frightened, Mowgli confides in someone about his powers (Peach/Will)

PARA 3: Seeks help from either Howl or Ursula--depending on which one, it could litERally change the direction of the entire plot.

List of Characters I want to RP with:

I went through character by character but I would love to do more than this I am sure ahah.

Mel: Mateo, Ursula, Sophie (bc duh Howl), Akela

Ber: Irma, Sophie because they should be better friends, more Peg, JENNy bc they play piano ok!!, ANNETTE bc they totally know each other!!, tbh daisy and ber could do something with anxiety, Rita for sure, more Simon somehow i swear it

Hades: Sally, more stuff with Miguel, Jack, Shock/Samara, Al, Cruella, Simba, Oogie, maybe Dipper

Kiara: more stuff with Jake, Jiminy, Minnie/Rama maybe, Isa, Wilbur, Penny, Ollie, Jenny. Also lowkey Ursula.

Milo: more stuff with Kida, Bianca, Elena, also Goliath and Thomas (teachers!!)

Nala: MAUI. sorry look i just want maui its been a year. Also maybe some board members and stuff since she’ll be politically active? So Al, Cruella, Soleil for that (and Simba, but I rp with simba allll the time). Also Arthur, Adam.

Kiki: Mateo as well!! More young-ish people: Dipper, Maui (she’s a #bigfan), Callie.   

Anita: more stuff with Perdita. Also other artists: Pascal, Jane, Namine, Violet, maybe Art if he does art??, Peach, Peri, Duchess etc!! Hit me up please.

Prince: all the forest politics okay: Alasdair, Akela, Goliath, Shere, why are these men. Also just big Magicks in general: Ursula, Namine maybe. More fairies so Peri and Terence. Also very specifically: Theo and Thomas O’Malley. Maybe Jake tbh if he starts like patrolling the forest?

Paul: Goliath bc he’s a lit professor! Thomas bc they are bros now!!!! Maybe some other mersisters-- Aqua, Alana, Arista. Peach bc writing? Lmao. Also some lowkey shady people like Roscoe or Lock would be really great. Possibly Oogie bc he owns a casino and gambling~

Andrina: URSULA ok sorry i just want the sea witch. TBH Hiro or Tombo could be cool bc she’s into STEM stuff. Ken because I want to rp with Ken and I don’t think anyone else would get along? Ahah. Arista, Aqua and Alana. Herculessss.

Merida: Bambi bc scottish and also lowkey was involved in mother’s death!!! Maximus bc she should shoot him!! More Shere! Follow-up with Goliath tbh in class lmao would be funny. CORNY bc thye r destined to be friends. Callie!!! Oo, also more Eric.

Mowgli: Howl, Ursula, Mateo, more Peach, Jenny, Wilbur, Theo, Bambi Penny (yay orphans). Maybe a professor: Thomas, Goliath, Shere?

Charlie: so many ok. Ellie, Sweet, Shock, Jack, SALLY thats in caps bc I need it, Dipper, Boo, tbh could do some drug stuff with Roscoe, Lock and Theo. Rita bc she can be his mom, Oogie, anyone with trauma who wants charlie to relive it with them: eric, thomas, shere, lou the list can go on-- annnnd belle and callie also

[callonb]

GYBurst of Inspiration/Motivation

Where does inspiration come from? - Snacks I recorded a song with Samuel Hawkins recently and that was the first line of his verse. Lately thats been on my mind more and more. Where does my inspiration come from and why cant I always bask in its motivational energies? Seems that my drive comes and goes with the moon phases or as planets enter and leave our orbit. Could be the skys dictating my moods and movements (which i think it does have an effect) or it could be the mass amount of coffee and tea i drink a day. Definitely important factors but not quite the source. My mom definitely motivates me, she believes in everything Im doing and helps every way that she can. Its not financially but sometimes emotional support is more important. Shouts out to Momma B you the realist. Same for my homies and not homies as in people i force myself to be around, cuz having friends is what you do. Actual family that i grew up with and have developed a relationship with, the GYB family. The ones who sat me down years ago and was like dude...... you need to take this rap shit seriously. The ones who are now getting more and more involved with the movement every day, pushing everything to the side and riding along with my dream and making them their own. Everyday the homies are pushing to help me create this vision for you guys as they've adopted it as their own. Like minds on the prize, Shouts out the Layer homies. That only seems to be half of it tho, and Ive never felt this type of fire burning inside me before so what is it? Magazine drama and BS doesn't motivate me, Music doesn't seem to hit me the same way anymore. I used to listen to music constantly, new rap definitely doesn't do it for me.....makes me feel lower. New tv shows dont do it for me im bored with most of the popular shows out. Same for games or just typical activities that people partake in. Partys, drugs, random hook ups...It all seems so blah to me and im completely uninterested. I learned I have to stop feeding my lower self and focus on my higher self and what that part of my being truly wants and thats to CREATE!!! Whenever im around an environment that drives me to create and push myself i perform better. So i guess i just realized what really inspires me, and thats a creative environment. Who is responsible for this? Well I saw the Rotunda Project last weekend at Maiden Alley, a collaborative piece by Fairseas. The Fairseas are a group of musicians named Jeran Simmons, Bobby Dowell, Codie Franklin and Shanden Simmons. I watched them plant this seed years ago and now its a giant tree that you can sit back and marvel in its greatness. The main theme of the film was collaborating with your community. I cant lie ive had many many thoughts of leaving my community to collaborate elsewhere but ive came to a realization recently that it isnt necessary. To my surprise and probably a lot of people around here, there is a bubbling hip hop scene around here that is about to explode. Ive started to invest my time and efforts into this scene now and received nothing but results. Shanden has been a major influence in my artistry because he is always honest, encouraging and persistent....three very important characteristics to have in a creative environment and on top of that has become one of what i would consider my best friends. I look at him as one of my GYBrothers. On to the hip hop scene around here tho..... mysterious person named "A" aka the Hollow Man and he is one of the most promising producers/writers around. His solo stuff is outstanding and the collaboration effort we are working on "A & B: The Empire" is next level. Its been well over a year in the making and will shock most people when they hear the new styles i bring to the tape compared to my previous work. A always challenges me to be very intelligent when I piece together my verses and I like that. He makes me want to grab a dictionary and start reading so I can match his extensive vocabulary.....and maybe I have done that lol. Im the ONLY artist that the mystery man works with at the moment and that hits me now in a way it never has before. Like why me, do I really have something in my music that would make this beyond talented artist spend his time and efforts to make beats for us to collab on and want to include me in everything he does? His beats are above any producer Ive ever heard even in the big leagues of the rap game its crazy but he will prolly have his own GYBlog entry about him eventually. I have to move on before i make this to long lol. Next is JSkrilla, I have met the Skrilla a few times in passing but i dont think we realized what each other really could offer the other. Until i ran into him at the damn ROTUNDA PROJECT.....back around full circle. After that we decided to get together. We showed each other some of our music. I didnt know he made dope beats as well as spit hot fucking fire but he does. We shared our philosophies for our craft and talked hip hop and all sorts of other randomness. Then we picked a beat and wrote a song on the spot. Bar for bar back and forth. J stressed to me it had been a LONG time since he had been able to just sit down and write with another emcee that wasnt intimidated by his ability to write on the spot, or to match his caliber of wordplay and rhyme schemes. To both mine and his delight I delivered. Skrilla really challenged me tho, most artist get so caught up in the main stream BS or conforming to certain concepts and topics in their verses that it had been a while since I had felt pressure when writing to make sure my bars are up to par. Felt good to feel that energy again i had been missing the want to become better and that leads me to the main cause of my motivation and my improvments or just overall attitude change whatever you want to call it. the TRYBE!!!! Snacks, B. James, and Waun D. are the Cerberus of this rap shit. I have a lot to owe to them. GYB and Trybe share the same values as far as what we hope to contribute to the culture of arts and musics and how we hope to impact the hip hop community as well as the communities we all live in. I have done one show with them and have multiple other ones lined up with them. As a matter a fact i cant see myself doing a show with anyone but them from here on out. Once again them as well as JSkrilla could have their own full length blog entry but i digress for the sake of your attention lol. The Trybe challenges me to be a better emcee by making me freestyle. Which if you have been around me doing music ive never been a good freestyler.....UNTIL NOW!!! They have cracked that shell and brought me out of it. Making me partake in their cyphers everytime we get together. Soon Ill be as smooth off the top as i am with the writtens then its over for everyone! Sharpening my skills is not something that other rappers really push you to do. Rap is very competitive and braggadocios so pushing someone to improve and possible be better than you is unheard of. The Trybe doesnt see it that way though, they want us all to grow together. With a shared love for hip hop and me and Snacks shared love for Anime we can talk for hours and hours before we realize we havent done any music lol. Everytime I hear a new Trybe song i feel my artistry being challenged. The message in their music makes me want to really focus on the concepts i present in my music and start challenging my self to pretty much step my game up. Between Skrilla, "A", and TrYbe, everything new I hear makes me question my latest bars which is exactly what I need. Hip Hop is my life and my love and above any amount of money i can potentially make off this art is the desire to be the best emcee to ever grab a mic and thats the same mindset i had when i originally picked up the pen and decided i would be a rapper. Before i saw 8 mile and realized that being a white rapper wasnt necessarily accepted, before all the laughs, all the hate and just general shade i received for my dreams. Being white in this game is a roadblock but for the first time these guys made me realize that i have overcame that hurdle 100 times over. I had a long talk with the Trybe last night and they gave me a boost of confidence that finally fully ignited that fire i had lit but tried to conceal. Im no longer worried about what is cool or what people want. I just want to create and you will more than likely like it because I do have skills that i myself had been sleeping on. I hear these artist like A, Skrilla, and Trybe and i felt underneath them but now i see my self as an equal. We all have different things we bring to the table that compliment each other and its time to put it all together and make it happen. Plus we all just fucking dope and there is no denying. This is my new goal. No more time wasted on what i "think" is the right move. Im going to follow what i KNOW to be the right path and follow my heart. Thats challenging myself with these artist and like minded individuals to always be better. Also as Snacks has said before "move at LIGHT SPEED" thats just what Ill do with my light brothers here. We like some damn warriors of this rap shit waging war against a evil corrupt entity but thats also for a whole separate entry lol But no war of this caliber is complete without a general so shoutout to SirDuke. Ive also recently became friends with this crazy dude and he has shown me in just the short time ive known him more love and support than some people ive known my whole life. He also inspires me because he has dedicated his life to serve and protect (literally) and most importantly LEAD. He has an army of pretty much every hood and every rapper in each of them just waiting for his call. and he is not leading them astray, Shoutout the Kollektiv. Duke is also a talented singer and emcee. He has a show with me tomorrow at the Hangover in Murray MAKE SURE YOU COME TO THAT AND SEE MY NEW ALBUM CONSCIOUS TRAP PERFORMED LIVE starting at 9pm. but yeah Duke is dope and I can appreciate his leadership skills and what he hopes to accomplish in his community by cleaning it up through music. He is rubbing off on my and motivating me to hold that same position with my Layer army of GYB homies ive assembled. Most of them are clueless about the industry and music so its up to me to guide and lead them so they can be their own selves and make it in this world without the middle man down your neck. Im going to wrap this up because it ended up being way longer than i intended but i wanted to also say to my fellow collaborators and friends above all. Wolf, Golden Wrist Banks, Trevell, Dope, Simple, Benji and Angel Mascato. You guys have MAD SKILLS. You guys inspire me too because I hear something different in your music than i hear from most. I want you all to continue to grow and expand your creativity to new levels. Tell YOUR story. The same story is constantly told but how will you tell YOURS in the true challenge. So i encourage you guys like i have been recently, step outside of the norm and do what you truly feel in your heart that you need to, fuck what everyone else wants from you just create the way you feel appropriate. A lot of you are working with Duke regularly and I think he will tell you the same thing I am now. Even if its certain people in your lives holding you back, they gotta go. Surround yourself with positive people that want to grow with you instead of out grow you and you will see the same results. Probably why you guys were all on my latest album, except Trevell im sorry and you should have been but you know the deal homie its all love. Frank.....dammit man just rap lol but anyways ill end it on this note. Getting in touch with that child like mind state and that pureness of love in my heart again. Losing all my intentions to want to be better and out do someone but rather COLLABORATE with like minds in my community has already in return pushed me forward in a lot of ways. Seems almost as if they had been waiting on me this whole time. Its certain that my actions are now speaking louder than my words and everyone is starting to catch on. including myself finally. If you read this far thank you and I love you. Youre more than likely part of the reason why i typed this or why i even continue to do what i do. I trust you guys just as much as you trust ill deliver. Have a great day, maybe you can draw inspiration from this or some of the same people or things that i do! So put down that magazine full of empty content and read something meaningful that you are interested in, turn off the news and watch some anime, stop playing shooter games and play final fantasy, stop eating out and prepare your own meals, dont listen to music just play instrumentals and freestlye every day or just make your own, quit scrolling on facebook and take a stroll around the block, only spend time with those that help you grow rather than keep you low. So much inspiration out there sometimes we just have to break away from what we are used to in order to pull from the experience. Now im really done. and excuse my poor grammer and probably a shit load of spelling errors. That wont ever change, these blog post are run on sentences of my thoughts that pass through my head every day. Sometimes i just take the time to jot them out as they pass. PEACE LOVE AND GYB!!

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati

[brightlightscastashadow]

I NEED TO DO HOMEWORK but my brain is A MESS RIGHT NOW so here’s a list of everything that has happened this weekend/might happen in the future so i can just not think about it again until all my work is done (PS if you’re on mobile and there isnt a read more i am so so so sorry

THURS

my japanese class went on a field trip to zojoji temple near tokyo tower with japanese university students

went in tokyo tower and saw an amazing sunset over mt. fujiiiiii (and sprouted ideas for future romantic date set up hehehe)

met a bunch of cool japanese students (Hiro and Lola!!)

went to dinner with the students and our professor

ela and i were talking about how cool the guy hiro was on our walk back

and then he ran to catch up with us to walk back to the train lmao. our pal!!! what a guy!!!

wandered around back roads of azabu juban and found a cemetary

went back to tuj until 10pm in the studio

SLEEP

FRI

went to see the stand-up act of the guy I went to the drag show & other comedy show with (his name is nao for the record)

we were supposed to meet up with Ela but she got sick last minute :(

but things weren't awkward they were fun :)))) and i remembered that i actually think he’s really cute and funny (apparently i forgot in the week we didn't see each other lmao)

nao was so nervous and I was trying to comfort him while simultaneously trying not to make him more nervous by being too close lmao

after the show we stayed and talked to his professor that came and the also mc of the show (both asked how we met and we had to say tinder lmao)

his professor told me not to help him write his paper (hes an english major lol) and that it would be “good to make him suffer a little”

talked to the mc about being awkward when they make you participate at comedy shows but this part wasn’t actually awkward. also its so cool meeting all these people that are in japan for all different reasons??? also im becoming a real adult that can have actual good conversations with strangers

nao and i took the train back to shinjuku together and  he said he was amazed that i dont fall over on the train since i dont hold on to anything lmao

(saw udon noodle vomit... yikes)

SAT

THE CRAZIEST DAY EVER I WALKED 27K steps/12 MILES

left dorm at 9am for tuj. met up with painting professor. took train to ueno park

museum we were gonna go to was closed for renovation so we went to some Titian show at another one and it was boring so ela and i just discussed how terrible they were at painting babies

went to another exhibition space called chiyoda 3331. saw a few really cool things

walked around akihabara/ in an arcade

ate tempura and discussed japan and learning japanese. and art. 

the guy we were with (kevin) showed us this cool bridge where you can see a ton of different train lines crossing over a river and we stood there for like a good 30 min lmao

took the train across tokyo to shimokitazawa (THRIFTING)

looked around a bit before ela and i met up with our friends Kristi and Steph. 

I fell in love with a pair of suede turquoise doc martens. and they had my size. in japan. a miracle. (also theyre new not thrifted) 

bought the docs

sadly didnt fit into many japanese clothes. uncertain if this is a body type issue or a too much food lately issue or maybe a bit of both...

got crepes and a good ass teriyaki burger

THOUGHT i was gonna go home but kristi and i stopped in shin-okubo (koreatown) for desert

looked at kpop goods and yelped for a while (both our favorite groups are very popular here)

bought some korean food from the grocery store and then... alcohol from the conveince store :-) public drinking is legal here lmao japan is too lit

Got drunk off this super strong vodka tonic that im convinced is simultaneously the cheapest and most tasty way to get drunk ever. i will miss this drink

drank some nasty ass green tea alchol

wandered around drunk for like an hour

NEEDED TO PEE SO WALKED IN CIRLCes for another 30 min before we remembered mcdonalds will be our best bet for a bathroom

finally got home around midnight

ate a ton of food

couldn’t sleep til 2

SUN

woke up somehow naturally at 8am. an hour before i even set an alarm. not hung over. feeling great. 

went for a run which didnt go well bc of asthma and general lack of physical fitness but at least i got to see a lot of the nearby neighborhood

met up with ela’s class at the science and nature museum. an illustrator that works here was giving us sketching advice/tips and at first i thought he was super agressive but i warmed up to him

he liked my drawing a lot and told me i should come to his event where a bunch of artists and illustrators in tokyo come to draw on sunday nights!!

ela and i went to ikebukuro and ate mcdonalds

walked to the bar where her roommate (atsuko) was performing. 

ATSUKO IS AMAZING she is so talented holy shit i love her

her performance was incredible

amazing

ok

then there were other bands and they were like more punk/rock (?) kind of bands but yo i was into it, it was so fun

went out to dinner with atsuko, my friends, her friends

her friend’s friends got too drunk... at first it was funny but then iwas like ok we gotta go bc of homeweork

which was the RIGHT MOVE BECAUse omg after we left some guy puked and another one disappeared and there was still the equivalent of $100 left to be covered on the check bc they drank so fucking much

anyway

at least i wasnt there

now homework??? idk i have so much to do and idk how to get it done rip

Future????

LOTS OF DEADLINES THIS WEEK HELP WHEN WILL I FIND THE TIME

fri: movie and sunset in tokyo tower date (i think its fair to flat out call this a date) with nao

sat: photography exhibition with ela and atsuko

also sat: yokohama again- ramen museum and lantern festival

sun: artists sketching event thing!! i wanna meet artists and have them teach me how they got here and also for them to think im good and make connections :-))))

atsuko is performing again in 2 weeks and im so excited?? im gonna invite nao too so he can meet my friends

more deadlines approaching...

my dad is visiting in the beginning of march

killian called me and said she might visit??? waaaahhh so nice

ela and kristi will still be here after the program is over and will be here to celebrate my birthday with me!!!

kristi wants to come with me to korea??? ffffff im so excited

i need  a new job for summer? i keep forgetting to look at internships... i need to work hard on this stuff this week

i have never wanted something more before than to live here

i need to learn japanese

i love it here

also i feel like i have finally opened up as a person

damn

wtf is my life anymore