#it had an adverse effect in the end though

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

i've talked about it with the homie @hash-slinging-slasher-trash about the hilarity in that satoru is probably the type who doesn't do sleeping in separate spaces after an argument. you could be the one staying on the couch for all he cares, he'll still weasel his way into sleeping next to you whether that's on the floor next to where you're sleeping or just plopping himself wherever you're sleeping but without going under the blankets

he's not technically sleeping with you. he's by you or otherwise just outside of the space you've claimed for yourself

it's all based in clinginess and his own issues surrounding getting left behind by someone he cares about. it's already happened once, he doesn't want it happening again. so he'd rather annoyingly charm his way back into your space rather than wait for you to stop being irritated. most of the times it works so good for him

there's little an argument satoru thinks is bad enough that you can't go to bed together. you can be mad at each other, just in the same space

but if there is something that'd set him into panic mode in an argument is if you tell him "you know what, i'm staying at ー's tonight"

it doesn't matter who you said you'll spend the night with. it could be shoko's, your parents', a cousin's. that part doesn't matter in the slightest. he probably doesn't even really register who you said you'd be staying with

he only registers that you said you'd leave him and that stings 10x more than the argument does, it feels like you're stabbing him in the chest

just stay, he doesn't ask for much. it'd bother him a lot even after the arguments over and you've made up and you eventually promise that you won't leave the house even after you've fought

[kooki914]

Nobody asked and yet you're getting it anyway, my Dess interpretation! Tbf I love a lot of other people's Dess designs maybe more than my own based on complexity/symbology alone, but this is what my original take for her was so I'm sticking to it. Extremely long list of factoids for her under the cut!

Dess hasn't seen a hairbrush in 8 years.

Opening her first fountain was an accident, and so was entering the dark world, but it was something she desperately needed at that point. She was knighted by Spade King, before being dubbed the Roaring Knight by the general public after she opened the second fountain and people started (correctly) assuming she was trying to cause the apocalypse.

Dess is mtf trans! She was out since she was 9, and took puberty blockers for a while, but stopped after she disappeared because she, y'know, didn't have access to them anymore. Strangely, even though she's been off of them for so long, there's very few side effects. You can just see her Adam's apple sometimes and muscle mass started building for her easily, but that's it. She's silently grateful that her dad didn't pass down any beard-making genes.

The reason why it's been so mild is due in part because of the effect of being in the "void" for too long, aka the space so dark and isolated you can't even feel your own limbs. She was stuck in the code of the game, basically, and it's had adverse effects on her mentally and physically, the only positive effect being less testosterone production in her body.

The physical effects are odd. Though she's grown and her body's age is what it would've been if she never disappeared, she's still in the same clothes she was when she ran away, but they sized up with her. The black nail polish she had on is still there too, not even chipped. As previously mentioned, her hormones are out of whack but, somehow, she's still clearly a grown adult, as if she just went through a very, very mild puberty.

The mental effects of being stranded in the literal nothingness are as expected as they are odd. The standard effects of not having contact with another person for so long have, somehow, never taken hold. It's like the social part of her brain was just put on pause. However, part of the madness she DID get was her very much considering her memories might just be made up. As if she was always here and managed to, somehow, delude herself into thinking she had a life outside of this place, when she never did. Essentially, she stopped existing, but retained some level of consciousness.

The whole "not existing for a while" thing as well as the fact that she's pre-hrt trans means she absolutely hates mirrors. Give her a mirror and she'll give back about a hundred shards of it. When she was younger she usually just had dysphoria over looking too boyish (hence why she never cut her hair) but nowadays she has weird feelings about something as simple as Having Knees (the existential horror of having a body after being formless in the nothingness during your formative years).

Her journey as the Knight was mostly about rediscovering herself, trying to find purpose and trying to help the people around her. She spent her whole life feeling helpless, and wanted to destroy that feeling, for everyone. Her violent behavior was rewarded by the equally maladjusted Spade King, and they teamed up under the pretense of helping all of darkner kind.

Dess set out to cause the Roaring, per his instruction, without knowing what it even was. All she knew is that, apparently, she was the only one who could, and that gave her a sense of purpose. Once she learned it'd bring about the end of the world, she was so detached from the world that she carried on anyway, not concerned with the life that could be lost because, god, she spent so long outside it, how COULD she know what life was worth now?

Dess went by neutral pronouns (they/it) as the Knight because it was another mask she used to distance what she Knew of herself and what she Had to be (kind of like Asriel calling himself "Flowey" in Undertale, actually). Being called "her" was too familiarising and humanising, being called "he" made her break out into hives and start killing, so she stuck with the alternatives for utilitarian reasons. Somewhere along the way she got sick of it and started missing her feminine pronouns, but decided to just stick to the bit anyway. The world was gonna end soon anyhow, who cares?

Once she's out of the role of Knight and back in the light world, you bet your ass she's switching back to exclusively she/her. Fuck neutrality, this girl needs gender affirmative language.

Rediscovering music, and specifically playing and making music, was one of the things that helped Dess get back in touch with being a person again after the whole Knight debacle. She plays piano and harmonica of her own volition, and the violin because of her mom's insistence, but her true favourite will always be the guitar. She was a little small as a kid so playing it used to be difficult, but now that she's an adult having it in her lap is easy, and honestly it just makes her feel alive. One of those dreams she had as a kid that she forgot about along the way, y'know?

Her and Asriel were just family friends at first, but when they ended up going to the same class together too, they quickly became best friends. They were there for each other through everything, Dess got Asriel into games, he was there when she came out, and they were practically inseparable. Asriel was a hard worker and Dess was a super active sports kid, they balanced each other out well and were known as the highest achievers in their class, the golden kids.

Kris and Noelle got dragged into their adventures basically on accident, Noelle because Dess was the one babysitting her all the time, and Kris because they wanted to spend time with their brother. They often spent time outside together because Dess loved being anywhere but at home. She didn't mind Azzy's house, though. Kris was a lot to deal with sometimes and Dess scolded them in a lot of the same ways adults scolded her (minus the hitting them over the head with stuff, what was all her). She has no idea the impact she's had on their behavior.

She was always kind of violent, but when she was younger it wasn't really an issue, more like an excuse to get her into sports. She learned to act out because causing problems was the only context in which she'd get attention from her very busy parents. With Noelle specifically, Dess took on a semi-parental role and quickly developed a habit of taking on way more burdens than she could handle. Even with Asriel as a best friend and the Dreemurrs as a surrogate family, the control her mother Clarice commanded over her life was just too limiting. It all boiled over.

Dess started lashing out at other kids around when puberty hit, starting fights and genuinely hurting people. She never got expelled because her mother was the mayor, but Dess started getting grounded more and more often, which meant less and less time with her only real friend, and more with her very dysfunctional family. She loved Noelle, but her little sister became another responsibility, another liability that could get Dess in trouble, it was way too much for her to handle maturely when she was only 13.

Dess "disappeared" because she ran away from home. She hated living there, but neither of her parents could admit that, hence her disappearance being so "mysterious" to the other townsfolk, they genuinely thought she vanished from inside the house. It was only after Kris admitted they saw her in the woods near the bunker that night that the case got more complicated, and the legend only grew more terrifying.

Her original plan was to just catch a bus to out of town and hope for the best, but when she ran into the woods in pitch blackness, she couldn't find her way around. She was too reliant on light, and couldn't manage in darkness. She found the bunker in her aimless wandering and, hoping to sleep off the night and make up excuses in the morning, she went inside. She couldn't have known that nothing was in there.

The effects of her sudden disappearance rippled throughout the whole town. Most obviously, Asgore got fired for not being able to find her and Rudy quit his job to be a stay at home dad for Noelle's sake. Less tangibly, Asriel and Clarice both started burying themselves in work to avoid grief. Kris and Noelle socially shut down for a few years, it's why neither of them have any real friends other than the strained relationship they have with each other. Asriel took on Dess' habit of "be anywhere but home" when his parents started having marital problems, and Kris latched onto him even harder to avoid losing any more people in their life. Through all this, Dess was nowhere, silently wondering if anyone even noticed she's gone, if her life was even real to begin with.

One of the strange things that happened to her while stranded in nothingness was almost being able to hear someone mumbling to themselves. When she called out, the voice vanished, only to re-emerge an uncertain amount of time later and excuse himself for getting startled. He just doesn't get guests often, you see. And guests get him even more rarely. It was refreshing to hear a consciousness separate from her own, but his mind was even more broken than hers, unable to answer her questions about what was real and what was imagined as he seemed to think he himself was a product of unreality. Plus, he never really stayed for too long and he never wanted to talk about himself either, as if mentioning his own name could shatter him to pieces.

The reason Dess didn't lose her mind from to his influence like Jevil and Spamton did was because she's just fundamentally pragmatic. You can throw philosophy and existential questions at her all you want but as long as she talks and thinks, she exists, which means reality is Something, even if it's completely eluding her grasp. It might also have something to do with her being a (homestuck warning) Void player, meaning the idea of the innate meaninglessness of life and unanswerable questions about reality itself don't really sound earth-shattering to her.

She used her knife to open fountains at first, the one she brought with her from the light world, but along the way she picked up a rapier and decided it was way cooler than a knife so it's her go-to now. She's not actually that good with swords, though. She uses them like baseball bats. Despite this, Spade King still praises her as if she's the best warrior they've seen in generations. It might've gone to her head.

Her relationship with King is fundamentally a mentor and a student. He gave her flawed information, but taught her a lot about herself, the world she found herself in, and the role she could choose. And, that's the most important part, he let her CHOOSE, because he was genuinely under the impression that she was just a really powerful darkner and not a lightner. His strictness and high standards reminded her of her parents, mostly her mom, but his willingness to give HER control over her own destiny is what made her favour him over every other adult in her life. Discipline that treated her like a valued person rather than an asset was basically unheard of for her until then. Plus, reminding her of her parents gave Spade the bonus of every time he encouraged her on anything it'd activate the "parental approval" neurons in her brain that were terribly starved up to that point.

From Spade's point of view, the Knight (as a darkner) is everything he wants to be, but can't be. At first he mentored her mostly as an excuse to live vicariously through her, but in getting to know her better he discovered they have a lot more in common than he first thought. Unregulated emotions, unresolved pasts, the constant feeling that you need to do More and Louder in order to make any kind of impact... he started to genuinely care about her. If/when he's redeemed, finding out the Knight has been a lightner this whole time might not even be that much of a betrayal. Seeing her face and learning her name as she apologies for lying is like reconnecting with his own wounded, younger self. Letting it be water under the bridge means he doesn't lose connection to himself again, doesn't lose connection with his best student. Plus, December IS a nice name.

She met Lancer, but didn't pay him much mind. She was busy with overthrowing the other Kings and was too tired to be a babysitter again. Due to her rancid vibes as the Knight (and the fact that she quickly became the favoured child even though it wasn't her intention) Lancer doesn't like her that much. She left Card Kingdom pretty quickly, anyway (Spade's advice to seek another worthy kingdom to grant a fountain to), so she never got much of a chance to get to know him, even if she wanted to.

Her relationship with Queen is even more fraught. Due to Queen's tendency to mimic the "mother" personality for every lightner she meets individually, as well as her more Explicitly Controlling tendencies, Dess quickly became rebellious and then antagonistic towards her. Queen tried to choose FOR her, to get her to open fountains on HER terms, and Dess wasn't having it. Yes, following Queen's instructions would've caused the Roaring much, MUCH sooner, but, like. Not at ALL in a satisfying way.

She has no idea who Gaster is. When asked, she'll assume he's a Darkner. If asked about the man in the nothingness, she'll shrug it off. Now that she's out, she doesn't know if he's actually real or something she just made up in her head, though she laughs that off as well. "I sound a lot like him when saying that, huh?"

Learning Asriel goes to college is complete whiplash for her. Her sense of time is WRECKED. Like, yeah, she can wrap her head around Noelle and Kris being teens now, but ASRIEL??? What do you MEAN he's not still stressing over chemistry exams and cramming for spanish class, and is, like, actually studying something he's interested in???? Unheard of.

She makes fun of him SO much for his little beard stubble, dude. It's all in good fun, but like, you can only be called "mini Asgore" so many times by your childhood best friend before it starts to cut deeper. On the flipside he has literally nothing bad to say to her. She nearly caused the apocalypse, but like, he gets it. He would've done the same in her shoes (hooves??). He thinks her Dark World armour is so kickass and he could never pull it off like she can.

Unsurprisingly Asriel has a crush on Dess. He always kinda had one, even when they were kids, but reconnecting as adults just Fully bashed him over the head with the fact that he's had repressed feelings for her and he has NO idea what to do about it. He's anxiety incarnate and thinks Dess already KNOWS he has a crush on her and just isn't saying anything because she's playing it cool, or doesn't wanna hurt his feelings, or thinks he's too lame to date or something. He thinks she's the coolest person who ever lived and has no idea how to cope.

Meanwhile in reality, Dess is a clueless aro/ace. She doesn't really know what having a crush even means. She thinks being a couple is, like, flirting and fighting behind closed doors (you can tell the only couples she knew personally were her parents and Asriel's parents), so she thinks it's just exhausting and doesn't know why anyone bothers. When Noelle tells her she has a crush on Susie Dess is like "Hell yeah, love is love........ wait do you mean you like her or you want her to crush you with a boulder" and Noelle sweats for a while before replying with "b-both?"

Dess has never been to Castletown. Most likely will never go.

Her and Kris reconnecting is a bit awkward at first, mostly on account of the fact that Kris and their posse are the ones that had her bash her over the head as the Knight to get her to behave in the first place, but Dess doesn't really focus on that. Kris thinks they hurt her, she just thinks of them as a little hero. Susie kinda helps facilitate them talking like people again, at least at first, because she has no baggage with Dess other than hitting her with an ax over dark fountains and getting stabbed in return, but like... Out of all the people they fought Dess is the only one who actually said sorry for being a jackass, so it's all good in Susie's book. Kris is just happy to have Dess back, man, that bunker and their memory of it has been haunting them for entirely too long, now.

Like Kris and Asriel, Dess learned how to play piano in church. Unlike them, and unlike Noelle, Dess has actually become fully agnostic after her time in the void. If there IS an angel looking out for her, it certainly isn't one that could've helped her, so what's the point of worship? Plus, Asriel and Noelle are two angels looking out for her as is! Why add divinity to that? (I am extremely subtle, I know.)

To this day, she's still apologising to Asgore for getting him fired. He is still apologising for not being able to find her. It's a pity party.

No-one tell her parents but she smokes weed. Once she reformed from being the Knight, she had a lot on her mind, man, weed is the most harmless thing she could've taken to cope. Seam is a good dealer, they have the good stuff.

She's absolutely called King "dad" by accident before. He doesn't really mind. No-one tell Rudy though, he's gonna be pissed.

On that note, I feel the need to add that she was never as close to him as Noelle was, because he only really started being an active parent after Dess went missing. It's kinda tragic, and he feels REALLY guilty about it, but if he ever verbalises that guilt he's gonna actually crumble into dust. His confidence is all a mask as is, actually admitting that he was kind of garbage at being a dad with his first kid is just gonna make it so much worse. But, until Dess hears an apology, she's not really gonna be able to actually mend their relationship, so they're at an impasse.

Inversely, her time away from the light world kinda made Dess forget the way her mother acts. She sorta got a bit of "once away from the abuser you forget the abuse", especially knowing she herself was a kid when it all happened so she kinda started justifying her mother's actions to herself when away from her. After like 2 weeks of living with her again Dess fully remembers why she ran away and packs her bags to live literally anywhere else. Preferably with King if that's an option, though that might just make Lancer move out as well.

She doesn't know what minecraft is.

[elizaleclerc]

l&ds headcanons

a hc post for all of the guys (except caleb im just waiting til we get his lore tbh)

Sylus:

would definitely get into twitter discourse over the most random topics. the man has strong opinions and will express them in whatever means necessary, even if that's arguing with a random on twitter.

sylus would find some odd type of joy in doing taxes, especially your taxes. he would stay up day and night crunching the numbers and going over the forms multiple times. hes just weird like that.

he would sing along to a musical with no shame, and YES he knows every word are you kidding? it's even worse if you are watching one with him because he will assign characters to everyone and force everyone to act out the parts.

listens to multiple genres of music and has hundreds of playlists for every mood. yall can debate on whether hes a spotify or apple kinda guy.

Zayne:

he likes using a nightlight to sleep and hatesss if there's not a fan going in the room at night. no i will not elaborate further.

not lore accurate obv but he gives oldest son energy- even better if he's the oldest child overall. the smooth sarcasm and protectiveness of the ppl he loves?!?!? screams oldest child behavior.

he's the type to leave a social interaction and rethink/regret everything they said and did to the point of no return. this shit would keep him up at night. even social interactions years ago haunts him.

he'll never let himself drink energy drinks (doctor behavior), not only bc he knows the bad side effects but you genuinely do not want to see him hyped up on caffeine.

Rafayel:

adversely to sylus, rafayel would get canceled on twt so fast. i imagine him beefing with sylus in a long thread and as a result of some outlandish opinion rafayel would get canceled. can't blame him, he's sassy asf and no one can stop him.

he has one playlist full of his liked songs and just hits shuffle whenever he wants to listen to music (freak behavior in my opinion)

if anyone criticizes his artwork he will intensely plot their demise in his head instead of hearing them out. this queen has an ego what can i say.

seems like the type to have had an "emo" phase in their preteens and would exclusively listen to top or paramore.

Xavier:

xavier has an insane long term memory but an awful short term memory. yes he can tell u what happened on a certain day three years ago but don't even think about asking him what he had for breakfast (he probably wasn't awake early enough for it anyway)

unlike zayne, you'd have to pry energy drinks out of xavier's hands. he cannot get enough. he's so sleepy all the time he pretty much can't function without some sort of regular caffeine intake.

xavier believed in santa probably way longer than any of his peers to the point where it was a little concerning. he's just full of holiday spirit.

i can see him not liking being alone for too long because even though he seems sleepy and quiet he really likes to yap ur ear off. at the end of the day he really loves company- even if its just the two of you sitting in comfortable silence.

fin <3

[molqr]

behold, psychoklok! these goobers are a silly psychonauts/metalocalypse au i've been rotating in my head for almost a year now. less focused on psychonauts characters but more on dethklok, and how their lives would be changed if they were psychic/in the psychonauts universe, and had to deal with all this in their 30s-40s (yeah, their powers would get more intense as the metalocalypse dawns) while charles (also psychic) has to frantically yet hesitantly consider getting the actual psychonauts involved after their mental health declines/spirals out of control post-aotd. much fun!

more ramblings/closeups/textless stuff under the cut!

my sillies...

nathan's good with a few things like psi-punch and mental connection, the latter being how he gets so many of his ideas. his thought train's slowed down now that he's a rich sheltered asshole, though. you'll notice some of their powers have little brackets next to them, and it's because i only think they'll realise they have these powers later in their story, like nathan and his very powerful hydrokinesis. surely that's not a sign of anything at all.

murderface isn't too varied in the psychic department. all of his self-hatred over the years has formed into a very, Very powerful form of blastokinesis though, and he make does very well with how he uses this (who am i kidding, he's using psi-blast to blow up squirrels and frogs and piss off the others) despite his insecurities about knowing only one power. well! good news willy! you're gonna get some command over ice post-salacia possession! surely you won't have complicated feelings about that at all!!!!!!!!

skwisgaar skwigelf is truly taller than a tree here!!! directly contrary to how cold she acts, she's unusually adept with pyrokinesis. which could mean nothing. she's familiar with clairvoyance, she sees the others like this--

(old doodle from like a year ago lol back at the conception of psychoklok, with an example of clairvoyance views from the psychonauts wiki for context on how it works with characters) --with them being extensions of their instruments they play in the band, nothing else, because she's keen on seperating herself from them and insisting theyre just bandmates. girl you live in the same house together. and yeah, toki's guitar looks beat up and stupid for a reason, she's not subtle. despite this, she's sort of insecure too, hence the clairvoyance, she thinks a lot about how people see her, especially in regards to her no.1 guitarist schtick. if you havent noticed, skwisgaar is a woman to me and i use exclusively she/her with her btw. #transgenderism

pickles looks like a pickle on purpose, yeah. it was just too easy! he used to use his telepathy for much cooler things (or sneakier things, like stealing beer as a teen) but now he mostly uses it for grabbing beer bottles that are out of arms reach while he sits on the couch watching tv, or pissing people off. depends on the day. pickles is probably one of the only people in the world who can regularly lace their weed with psitanium, and not suffer a total mental collapse, for some reason. how he works is unknown. the adverse effects of the psitanium consumage is that he's starting to float everrrr so slightly off the ground, but its more apparent with his floaty hair. (which i plan to resemble octopus limbs more, so im keeping his visible shitty white guy dreads down to 8, like 8 octopus legs!) he's silly, i love drawing his lanky ass.

toki seems pretty much the same, but he's very insistent that psychics arent a good thing. ...despite being a (repressed) psychic himself. it's a lore-piece that ive elaborated on in another drawing, but suffice to say, with the parents he has, him being psychic wouldn't end very well. i think he and loboto have a few things to talk about. (notice his head scar. hm...) anyway, his death curse manifests as precognition in this au, once that repressed power begins to unleash itself, toki becomes all to aware of all the death surrounding himself and the band. oh the tragedy! oh, and rockzo isnt a character in this au (because i hate him) but rather a figure from toki's imagination as a child manifested as mental projection, more like an imaginary friend which embodies him impulsivity and things he couldnt have as a kid. he came back after toki got his dad killed as a method of toki coping by being impulsive and shit, now he drinks vodka at 6 in the morning as urged by his little paper clown friend. this rockzo serves in furthering tokis character development only, once toki finally lets go of him and what he stands for (impulsive self destructive habits to cope) thats him gone forever. because iiii donttt likkeee himmm...

psychonauts is a really fun series to work with for aus and character stuffs because the games are just so lovely, i've even got a whole doc focused on what i think their mental worlds would look like! nathan explosion and his mental blood ocean and toki wartooth with the horrors of his icy past.. would love to draw some memory vaults for them sometime!

fun trivia! nathan is the only one here with 4 fingers. this is because he's the only one out of the band with no experience with instruments, he just does vocals :]

anyway thats all for now (on this post at least lmfao) thankes for reading if you got this far...!!

[dept-of-monster-affairs]

After Party

Note: previously posted under nicsnort but Tumblr decided to shadowban then terminate the account without warning. (this will be my monster blog from now on, even if the other is reinstated)

m!minotaur (Tyrus) x f!reader

Word count: 4869

Contains: drugs/aphrodisiac cum, talk of breeding, size difference, stranger sex

After your company Yuletide party, you head out to the mixed species club. Even though it is not your usual scene you wind up going back to a minotaur's apartment for the night. A minotaur's cum is said to have euphoric magical effects and you are about to have a first-hand experience.

If you want to ignore my self-indulgent worldbuilding lore skip the indented text

Public Health Alert

Minotaur Essence Products In recent months, the sale of magical consumable items said to contain Minotaur essence in unregulated markets has increased. These items are often sold as giving people boosted energy, increasing their strength, and/or as sexual enhancers. Most often, these items are sold in small bottles similar to energy shots but have also been sold as gels or injections. Analysis by the Department of Monster Affairs shows that most of these items are dyed and flavored water, mundane steroids, or short-term and mild transformative magic potions. A small subset being sold as aphrodisiacs indeed contain Minotaur essence. Specifically, they contain Minotaur semen. Minotaur semen contains compounds similar to alkyl nitrites (colloquially known as the drug “poppers”), which induce sensations of euphoria along with magical compounds that have muscle-relaxing and elasticizing effects. The semen of Minotaurs loses these effects within four to eight minutes of ejaculation. While Minotaur semen is not known to be addictive, it can cause psychological dependency with long-term repeated exposure. Any exposure to unknown sexual fluids carries the risk of sexually transmitted infections. Additionally, for people with uteruses who are ovulating, inserting Minotaur semen into the vaginal cavity recreationally may lead to pregnancy due to the potent nature of Minotaur spermatozoa which can stay alive for over one week without preservation efforts.  The public is warned against consuming any of these unregulated products, magical or mundane, as there may be adverse health risks. If you know of people selling these products, please contact your local Wardens or call or email the Department of Monster Affairs.

The walls of the club throbbed slightly offbeat with the flashing red and green lights. On the dance floor, bodies writhed to the pulsing beat of the music, so loud that they felt the tone vibrate their bodies to a rap version of Jingle Bells. You watched the moving mass from a stool on the edge near the bar. Some work acquaintances had invited you out with them after the company Yule party, but this was not your usual scene. Perhaps that is why you ended up as the designated sober person and drink watcher. Perhaps your acquaintances had planned it that way, but you’d rather not think about it at the moment.

Your eyes swept over the crowd, picking out two of the three people you had come with. Yet, you could not help but be drawn to the sight of the others on the floor. The monsters. Many of the monsters stood out against the crowd of humans. Larger in size or with noticeable horns or tails. Mixed species bars and clubs were becoming more common ever since the tension with the monsters from the other side of the Rift had given way to peaceful acceptance.

You saw a naga dancing with a woman, her long snake lower half undulating around her partner sensually. A werewolf ground against the rear of his dance partner, advertising the goods under his pants. Dancing with one of your co-workers was a faun, his hairy hands roaming over their lean body suggestively.

Your legs rubbed together with desire. There had always been something about monsters for you. They were just better, more alluring, than humans. Maybe it was the forbidden aspect, how those relationships still broke boundaries even in this peaceful age. Not to mention how fascinating their cultures were, and their biology and magic were outstanding in your eyes. Such variety. Not that you had ever experienced anything with a monster beyond a short kiss with the siren dimensional exchange student in high school during Spin-the-Bottle.

Across the dance floor, your eyes made contact with a massive bull minotaur. The air left your lungs, and your core clenched with want at the sight of him. He was leaning against one of the small tables with a drink in his hand, an orc and an elf were next to him, surveying the stock of potential partners in the club. All three were wearing Santa hats and modified business clothes. They must have come here after a work function, too.

“What is a beautiful thing like you doing sitting over here,” a voice asked, a body suddenly pressing against the space beside you.

Glancing over, you saw what had to be a Hollywood cutout of a human pick-up artist leaning against the wall. One of his arms was above his head to take up more space and allow him to lean into you. With that one move, he successfully trapped you between him and the small table on which your and your acquaintances’ drinks sat. It was so intentionally casual that he had to have practiced it. Lame.

“Not interested,” you immediately told him, returning your gaze across the club. The minotaur you had locked eyes with was gone.

“Hey, hey, don’t be like that, babe,” the man said, reaching across your field of view to set his drink on the table. “Come on. Are you feeling self-conscious? That shirt may make you look fat, but the color really brings out your gorgeous eyes.”

You gave the man a look of disgust. “Did you really just try to neg me?! Go away.”

“Don’t be a bitch, that was a compliment.” He went to grab you, but suddenly, a large, meaty hand covered in short black fur wrapped around his wrist. The minotaur from across the club.

“Pretty sure the kyría told you to go away.” His voice was low and deep, almost lost among the throbbing bass of the music, but its edge was just threatening enough to reach their ears.

“Let go of me, animal,” the pick-up artist hissed, struggling vainly against the minotaur’s grip.

“What is in your hand,” the minotaurs asked, not even acknowledging the man’s words. Forcing his hand open, the minotaur pulled out a small bottle of white liquid. Taking it from him, the minotaur sniffed the half-empty bottle. “Really, you spiked her drink with this fake minotaur essence bullcrap?”

“What,” you exclaimed, outraged. “You were trying to drug me?!” Without thinking your foot shot out and nailed the desperate pick-up artist in the stomach. “Get the fuck out of here before I call the Wardens!”

The minotaur released the human as he clutched his stomach in pain. “Fucking cow deserves a beast,” he muttered just loud enough for them to hear as he scurried away.

The minotaur snorted, his hoof scraping the ground, causing the pick-up artist to run all the faster. You flipped off the human before your attention returned to the minotaur towering before you. “Thanks.”

“Minotaurs are guardians,” he said as if that explained everything.

“I thought that was just a stereotype.”

The minotaur smirked, lowering his head, and he spoke into your ear. His low voice resonated in your bones even more than the music. “True for our mates.”

Your face went brick red, your core clenching with desire at his suggestive words.

“Oh,” you managed to squeak out, the noise lost amongst the music. Your face was red hot. In an attempt to cover your sudden inability to speak and cool your face, you reached for your drink.

Then the minotaur’s large, callused hand covered yours. “Hold on, ómorfi̱ kyría; the bastard spiked that.”

“Right,” you replied, your brain still trying to catch up with the attraction and swirl of emotions you were feeling from being flirted with by such a prime specimen of beef. “With the fake, uh, minotaur essence.”

“Exactly, a low move. A woman like you deserves the authentic stuff straight from the source.” He chuckled and leaned in to speak into your ear. “So, can I get you a drink?”

Your mind went blank. No one had ever been so smoothly direct with you before. You weren’t completely sure how you responded, but you felt your mouth move. The minotaur grinned and tugged at your hand, leading you through the press of people. The next thing you knew, the cool night air hit your face, the city night blessedly silent compared to the pounding music of the club. The winter air helped to clear your head.

“My apartment is not far if that is alright with you,” the minotaur suggested as you walked. His low voice stood out even more without the pulse of the music.

“I…that’s fine…”

“There is no pressure, kyría. We can get a hotel room if that is more comfortable for you.” He gestured down the street where a few hourly hotels were set up for people leaving the clubs.

“No, it is fine…I’ve just never done this before.”

“Have sex with a monster or just a minotaur?”

“Well, yes to both, honestly, but more gone home with a stranger from a club. I typically don’t go out to clubs at all…” As you confessed, you felt even more awkward. What were you doing? This was silly. You didn’t even know his name.

He gave a nod. “You are not obliged. I would have stopped that man without wanting you as well. You are beautiful, but you do not owe me.”

A smile came to your face that was sweet of him, something that many humans could not grasp. “Thank you. I-I would like to continue, though. I am simply outside of my usual comfort zone. I am sure once we start, I will feel far different.”

The minotaur nodded again. “Do not be afraid to speak up if you feel uncomfortable. Despite what people say, we are not mindless rutting beasts…unless you want me to be.” He winked. The blush you had felt in the club reentered your cheeks.

As you walked, a crowd of drunken people approached, forcing you to move closer to the minotaur. His hand stretched out and wrapped around you, his strong hand gripping your hips as he pulled you close. A snort left him, steam billowing from his nostrils, the sight causing the drunks to back up and hurry along. Even when the group was long gone, his hand did not remove itself from your body but settled on your waist. Its heavy weight was titillating, reinvigorating your blushing desire. Under the pretense of keeping warm, you pressed against him further.

It was not long before you arrived at his apartment. At most, it was a ten-minute walk from the club and one of the apartment buildings recently renovated to accommodate the needs of monsters. Even so, he still had to duck to enter the elevator or risk catching his horns. As the elevator rose, the massive hand on your waist began to roam. His thick fingers ran along the hem of your shirt, slipping underneath it to tease your skin. The palm of his hand slid down and cupped your ass cheek with a gentle squeeze.

You bit your lower lip but couldn’t suppress the soft squeak of pleasure from your throat. He massaged your ass, his thumb rubbing circles around the end of your spine. While you were still a bit nervous, the arousal you were feeling started to override it. Glancing over at him, you slid your hand up his strong arm, feeling the powerful muscles underneath his short, bristly fur.

“You like that kyría ,” he asked, pulling you closer to him. Two of his fingers slipped between your legs and rubbed your quickly swelling lips through the cloth of your pants.

“Yes,” you groaned, grinding against his fingers lightly. Glancing down, you saw the bulge in his pants growing. You were about to fuck a monster. A minotaur. Anticipation mixed in with the nervous arousal.

A smirk graced his snout, his ears flickering with delight. If a bull could purr he did so, “Good.” 

The ding of the elevator barely registered in your head, but the minotaur dragged you down the hall to his apartment. For his size, the apartment looked small, though that could have been due to the larger-than-normal furniture taking up more space. But you weren’t allowed more than that cursory glance around before his hands were on you again. His hands rubbed against your body before lifting you up. He put your ass on the high kitchen table as he spoke low in your ear. “You said you had never been with a minotaur before. You might struggle to articulate things after catching a whiff of my essence. What are your boundaries?”

It took a moment for your mind to recognize what he was asking. Plucking the Santa hat from his head, you tossed it to the side as you answered. “No butt stuff. Not too rough.”

“Dirty talk, alright? Talk of breeding?” He squeezed your clothed breasts, his thumbs rubbing over your nipples, which were already rock hard.

“Nothing degrading, but yes to both otherwise.” You ran your hands across his broad chest, feeling his strong pectoral muscles flexing under your touch. Many beastfolk, like minotaurs, had a breeding kink (though perhaps it was simply vanilla for them), and you wouldn’t deny the appeal of that language either.

“Inside or outside?”

“What,” you asked, pulling back a bit confused.

“Inside,” he dipped his hand in between your legs, “or outside?” He drew his hand up and splayed it across your stomach.

His cum. Where did you want his cum? Your face went deep red again. Taking a long breath to steady yourself, you managed to get your reply out without too much difficulty. “I’ll take some night tea. So, don’t just talk about breeding me; actually do it.”

A low bellow of want released from him, his nostrils flaring. “Careful, kyría , words like those really will turn me into a rutting beast.”

You were about to formulate a reply when he lifted you from the table. Your legs wrapped around him as he carried you to the bed. Oh, it was a studio apartment that made sense with his horns - fewer doorways. Setting you on the bed, his large fingers fumbled with the small buttons of your shirt.

“Let me,” you told him, quickly unbuttoning your shirt and pants. He watched you remove all but your underpants, his ear twitching and tail swaying with interest. The red of embarrassment began to grow once again under his desired gaze.

“You know,” he said, removing his shirt and revealing his thick, muscled form. “I love how shy humans get about sex. It is cute seeing your face go red.”

He kneeled on the bed, his large, heavy body pressing you down. A wet nose brushed against your cheek. “Now, I will turn the rest of your body red by breeding you all night.”

Your shy nerves hit a tipping point, not to where you withdrew but where the reality crashed upon you. This was happening; this was truly happening. You were going to fuck a minotaur. An excited grin came to your face. 

Lifting your hand, you touched the side of his face and pulled his snout to your mouth for a kiss. His broad tongue plunged into your mouth, overwhelming you quickly. Your tiny tongue could barely fight against him, but you managed to rub it back and forth against the underside of his tongue. He pulled back from the kiss just as you ran out of air. A thick strand of saliva connecting your mouths together broke, landing against your chest. The minotaur huffed, his ears twitching with excitement.

His large hands gripped your body, one holding your thigh, massaging the generous flesh, and the other engulfing your breast. “Mmm, look at these. Your tits are so lovely. I could suckle at them for hours.”

Lowering his head, he took your other breast in his mouth. His lips pulled on your nipple, sending shocks of pleasure through your body. His fingers rolled your other nipple between them, tugging occasionally. He settled into a rhythmic sucking as if he was trying to milk you.

Under his touch, your body writhed, hips rolling underneath him as your pussy swelled with need. Your dripping core brushed against the large member straining in his pants, providing delicious friction.

With a pop, he released your breast from his mouth. The viscous saliva tingling in the cool air of his apartment. “Beautiful.”

He cupped both of them in his hands, massaging the globes, his thumbs circling your nipples. “But just imagine them full of milk. Heavy and swollen. Leaking. I’d hand-milk you every morning while slowly filling you with my cock.”

You moaned at the thought. His hands slid down to your hips. Sliding his thumbs under your panties, he lifted your hips into the air as he pulled them off. Your legs settled around his neck—your slick, swollen core inches from his snout. His broad tongue swept out in a long lick that touched every part of your dripping lower lips. A huff of hot air rushed over your aching clit as he snorted with pleasure.

“Damn, you taste sweet.” His tongue dove back in. Long, slow, broad licks that savored your taste. It felt so good but wasn’t quite enough to make you come. Then you felt his tongue press inside of you. That muscle alone stretched your inner walls; it was as big as most human male members itself. With the same deliberation, he fucked your dripping hole with his tongue. The tip of his tongue pressed against that perfect spot within you, and your vision went white as you came hard across his tongue.

The minotaur pulled back, licking his lips with satisfaction. “Delicious.”

“I--I thought you were going to breed me,” you said with panting breath as you came down from your orgasmic high.

“Oh, that is next. But a woman like you deserves the effort of making you orgasm without the influence of my cum.” Carefully, he lifted your legs off of his shoulders and set your ass on the bed. Standing, his gaze fixed you in place as he pulled the ties of his pants. He was not wearing anything underneath.

His jet-black fur went all the way down his body, covering the heavy ballsack between his furred legs. Jutting out of its sheath was the only bare skin - his meaty cock dripping with precum. The scent of the precum reached your nose. The musky aroma immediately entranced you. Your body was already flushed with arousal, sensitive from orgasm, but you shuddered with pleasure at the mere scent. What would it be like to consume it? 

Eyes dilating, you focused on the magnificent source of the musk. Reaching out, your fingers touched the searing heat of his thick member. You couldn’t even wrap your hand all the way around. Before you could lower your head and press your lips to the flared head of his member, the minotaur’s hand cupped your chin and forced you to look at him.

“Last chance to back out, kyria ,” he warned, “trust me. Once you have a taste, the essence will take full effect.”

Blinking, you realized that, indeed, you had so quickly succumbed to his musk that tasting his cum would put you in a state unable to express yourself except in pleasure. “You’re sweet,” you told him with a smile, “and I intend to take you up on that offer of a drink from the source. You’ll have enough to breed me afterward, right?”

The minotaur grinned and released your chin. “I guarantee you will be thoroughly bred.”

Still smiling, you lowered your head to his weeping member. White beads of his manly minotaur essence drew your eye. Leaning forward, you pressed a gentle kiss against his glands. The scent was overwhelming, and you had to taste it. Opening your mouth, you notice that the creamy precum washed over your tongue. It was salty yet had a rich flavor you found hard to describe. 

Even more indescribable was the sensation of the essence taking hold on you. Almost like breathing in peppermint a tingling sensation coursed through your head, energizing you. Yet, like hot chocolate, the whole round flavor washed over you like soaking in a hot bath as your muscles relaxed. The combined sensation was a lethargic yet ever-present need for the succulent thing in front of you - cock. You needed cock.

With slow movements, as if in awe of the member before you, you began to lick and suck at his cock. You had to get more of that wonderful essence within you. You needed it within you, on you. Your body craved his cum.

Your hands pumped along his length as you tried to work his cock into your mouth. The essence leaking from his tip worked its magical effects. Relaxing your jaw and tongue but also allowing them to stretch past their usual boundaries. Soon, you were bobbing your head. There were still physical limitations, even with his essence easing the way, but you managed to work a good third of his cock into your mouth and down your throat. Usually, you’d choke on something this big, but with the magic of his essence, your throat had become an accommodating zone of pleasure - for both him and you.

His large hand gripped the back of your head, guiding your motions. A snorting grunt of pleasure escaped him. “By Asterion, your mouth is magic kyria. ”

Your hands continued to pump the rest of his length. His was hot and pulsing under your fingers. He forced your head back and forth faster, fucking your throat. Suddenly, his searing essence poured down your throat straight into your stomach. You moaned around his cock, your hands continuing to pump him, as you were rewarded with three more spurts of his creamy cum.

With a pop, the minotaur removed the still-hard cock from your mouth. It felt like you were floating. Drunk on his cock. High from his cum. You reached for his cock once more. You wanted to worship it. You could spend hours sucking him off until his cum bloated your stomach. Yet, he pulled you away and up into his arms, your needy pussy spread wide as your legs were situated on either side of his body.

“No, no more in your mouth. I am going to breed you now, kyria. Your pussy will be overflowing with my cum.”

Oh. That did sound better. Your aching pussy filled to the brim. Cum in its proper place.

His thick cock rubbed along your pussy. You ground against it, the remainder of his cum spreading across your slick folds, starting its magic to make him fit inside of you.

“What an eager mate,” he commented, letting you cover his member with your needy juices. “Look at your beautiful body flushed red for me.”

“P-peas,” you grounded unable to pronounce your plea correctly with how far your mind was gone.

“You can still speak? I’ll have to fix that.” With a grin, he stopped your hips’ grinding.

Dragging your body up, he positioned the wide head of his cock against your dripping hole. Achingly slow, he pressed inside of you. His wide cock stretched every part of you. A deep, throaty moan left you as the thick rod hit your cervix. He was barely halfway in you. The minotaur pulled back his cock, scraping your insides. 

“Nooo,” you moaned as the wonderful fullness left you. He stopped with his flared tip, just barely inside of you. Then with a swift motion, he forced you down onto his cock. 

Your mind went blank from the pleasure. Everything else faded from your awareness. All there was, was the minotaur holding you and the hot cock within you. 

Your inner walls pulsed with orgasm, but he continued to move your hips up and down his length. His essence was slowly opening your needy pussy to his huge cock, but the remnants from your blowjob weren’t enough. You needed more in order to take him all. And he was all too happy to provide.

With a bellow, he forced your hips down as far as they could go as he dumped another round of cum into you. The searing hot cum filled your hole, prompting another orgasm from you. A wordless scream of pleasure left your throat. Your naked body pressed against his fur-covered chest, your fingers gripping his hard muscles.

Yet, even as you came for the third time that night, you wanted more. You tried to beg for that. Plea for more. But as he had promised, words were wiped from your mind. As your lips formed the “mm” all that followed was a long, deep moan. “Mmoooo!”

“There we go, kyria . Give in to the pleasure.” His member was still rock hard inside of you. Shifting your body, he laid you on the bed, his cock never leaving your pussy, so his cum was sealed inside of you, working its magic.

“This is why I love humans. Shy at first. Watching breaking you down until you give into your true nature.” As he spoke, the minotaur maneuvered your legs and hips until he was holding you down in a mating press, his hand holding your arms down so all you could do was receive him.

You tried to beg again, but all that came out was another moo-like moan. He chuckled, the vibration coursing through you, causing a whimper. Leaning over you, he pulled your ecstasy-addled face to his, dominating you with a kiss. “Pleasure-drunk, breeding cows.”

His cock pressed further into you as the cum worked its magical effect. Deliberate, unyielding pressure let his thick, meaty rod sink into your body. Half his cock. Three-quarters. Seven-eighths. He pulled back to the tip. Then with a mighty thrust, his cock hilted in your pussy, his cum squirting out.

The minotaur jack-hammered into you. His balls, heavy with thick cum even after two orgasms, slapped against you. All of it. You wanted all of his cum. He was right. This was your true nature. This is what you wanted all along. To be a pleasure-drunk breeding cow for a minotaur. With breasts swollen with milk for your calves. Your bull filling you with his cock as he milked you.

“Fuck, kyria , your cunt is sweeter than a purebred Bova. I’ve never had a human take me this well.” His hips stuttered as he came once more. You screamed as you came along with him. Your eager walls milking the cum from his cock.

He let your cream-filled pussy rest as he sat on his hooves, his eyes staring at the cum bubbling from your hole. You stared at the ceiling, your chest heaving with effort. Your body limp from both pleasure and the cum’s magic. Slowly you were able to lower your legs, causing a stream of cum to pour out of you. With shaking hands, you reached down and stroked your swollen abused lips spreading his cum around. Once your fingers were covered in the sticky cream, you lifted them to your mouth.

Tongue lolling out of your mouth, you greedily sucked your fingers clean. The minotaur grunted with amusement. Managing to glance at him, you saw his cock half deflated but now regrowing to full size. Grabbing your ankle, he turned you on your hands and knees. Without prelude, he slammed himself into your pussy once more.

“You have turned me into a rutting beast, kyria ,” he told you between thrusts. His huge hands reached around you to hold your breasts. His powerful fingers twisting and tugging on your engorged nipples.

“If this were the old days, I would whisk you away. Guard your fertile body to ensure you only carried my calves. My own personal breeding cow. Milk you when our calf was weaned to keep the milk in you, then breed you over and over. Start a herd.”

You were helpless beneath him. All you could do was moan and pant underneath him. All you could do was receive his cock and cum with ecstatic joy.

Several orgasms and about an hour later, even the mighty virile minotaur was spent. You were filled with his cum, but the effects of it were beginning to fade as you laid on top of him in the bed. His powerful arms were wrapped around your waist possessively. Your hands mindlessly stroked his fur as his chest rose and fell beneath you.

“Are you alright, kyria ,” he asked, his massive chest rumbling under you. “I didn’t go too hard, did I?”

“No,” you replied, nuzzling into him, too tired to elaborate at all. You were still processing the intense experience.

“Good, good…so, I am not sure how much you remember, but I was just caught up in the moment saying I’d turn you into a breeding cow…that being said…I don’t suppose you’d be open to seeing each other again?”

Shakily, you managed to lift yourself up to look into his deep brown eyes. You released a tired chuckle.

“What,” he asked, his hands tightening a tad nervously on your waist.

“I just realized,” you told him with another chuckle, “I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh,” he chuckled now as well, “I’m Tyrus. Pleasured to meet you…um…”

You chuckled once more and told him your name. “It has been a pleasure, Tyrus, and I would love to see you again.”

Comments and reblogs are appreciated.

Find more stories in my Masterlist

More Tyrus: Sweet Cream NSFW Boyfriend Alphabet

[deezee112]

The worst ending 13 : Snake Charmer's Final Melody

The worst ending 12 | The worst ending 14

Yandere!Jamil Viper x GN!Reader

A/N : Hey everyone! I just wanted to say that this episode might not be as interesting as you all expected, because I'm currently working on a history class so it might come out bad Sorry in advance :(

And I'm running out of ideas right now. Sorry if I disappear for a while, but don't worry, it won't happen now.

Warning : psychological control , Depictions of hypnosis and its adverse effects , Physical and mental decline leading to character death , Emotional distress and tragic themes

Tags:

@iris-arcadia

If you want me to tag you please tell me.

English is not my first language.

You found him alone and quiet, his small figure curled up in the corner of the room. He didn’t cry or make a sound, but his dark, piercing eyes followed you every move.

“ You can’t stay nameless forever. ” you said softly, crouching down in front of him.

He tilted his head, watching you curiously.

“ How about…Jamil? ”

For a moment, he didn’t react. Then, his lips curled into a faint smile, and he nodded slowly. you felt you heart swell with warmth.

“ Jamil it is, then. ”

At first, he didn’t speak. He communicated with gestures and expressions, his silence both mysterious and endearing. But as days turned into weeks, he began to open up. His first words came unexpectedly one morning as he handed you a cup of tea he had made himself.

“ y/n ” he said softly, his voice smooth and quiet.

Tears pricked your eyes as you accepted the tea. “ You’re such a clever boy, Jamil. ”

Jamil grew into an incredibly capable child. By the time he was seven, he could cook meals better than you and keep the house spotless. His attention to detail was meticulous, and he took pride in taking care of you.

“ y/n ” he said one evening as they sat down for dinner. “ I noticed you’ve been forgetting to eat lunch at work, so I packed you something for tomorrow. ”

You blinked in surprise, looking at the neatly packed lunchbox he handed you. “ Jamil, you didn’t have to do this. ”

“ I wanted to. ” he replied simply, his dark eyes unwavering. “ You take care of me, so I’ll take care of you. ”

You smiled, you chest tightening with emotion. “ Thank you, Jamil. You’re the best. ”

He was the perfect child—obedient , thoughtful , and always one step ahead. But there was something unsettling about the way he watched you sometimes, his gaze intense and calculating.

It started innocently enough. you had been feeling stressed, and Jamil offered to help you relax.

“ Look at my eyes. ” he said one evening as you sat on the couch, massaging you temples. “ I’ll make you feel better. ”

You hesitated but trusted him. “ Alright... ”

Jamil voice became soft and hypnotic as he spoke, guiding you into a state of calm. “ You’re safe. You’re loved. You don’t need to worry about anything. ”

When you woke up, you felt refreshed, the tension in your body gone. “ Thank you, Jamil. ” you said, ruffling his hair.

But it didn’t stop there. Jamil began using his hypnotic abilities on your more frequently, often without you knowledge. At first, it was harmless—helping you sleep, easing you headaches. But soon, he started to push further, planting suggestions and altering your memories.

“ Don’t you remember, y/n? You promised we’d stay home today. ” he say with a smile, even though you was certain you had made plans to go out.

Confused, you nod, unsure of your own recollections. “ Yeah…maybe I must’ve forgotten. ”

Over time, you began to notice strange symptoms. you would wake up with splitting headaches and occasional nosebleeds. You memory became unreliable, and you often felt disoriented.

“ Jamil, have you noticed anything strange about me lately? ” you asked one evening, rubbing your temples as another headache throbbed behind your eyes.

He looked at you with feigned concern. “ You’ve been overworking yourself, y/n. You need to rest more. ”

You nodded, trusting his judgment. But the symptoms only worsened. you find yourself forgetting simple things—where you put your keys, what day it was, even conversations you had with Jamil.

One day, you woke up in a daze, unable to remember the events of the previous night. “ Jamil, did we do anything yesterday? ”

He smiled gently. “ You were tired, so I helped you relax. You don’t need to worry about anything. ”

You condition deteriorated rapidly. You began experiencing blackouts, losing hours at a time. You headaches became unbearable, and you once sharp mind felt foggy and dull.

One evening, as you sat on the couch, clutching you head, you turned to Jamil with desperation in your eyes. “ Something’s wrong with me, Jamil. I need to see a doctor. ”

He froze, his calm demeanor faltering for a moment. “ You don’t need a doctor, y/n. I’ll take care of you. ”

“ No, Jamil. ” you said firmly, your voice trembling. “ This is serious. I can’t keep living like this. ”

His expression darkened, and for the first time, you saw something cold and unyielding in his eyes. “ You don’t trust me? ”

“ Of course I do. ” you said softly. “ But I need help— ”

“ You don’t need anyone but me. ” he interrupted, his voice low and dangerous.

You heart raced as you realized the depth of his control over your. “ Jamil… what have you done to me? ”

The next morning, you woke up feeling weaker than ever. You vision blurred, and you limbs felt heavy. You stumbled into the kitchen, where Jamil was waiting with a cup of tea.

“ Drink this. ” he said, his voice soothing.

You took the cup with trembling hands, staring at him with tears in your eyes. “ Jamil… I’m scared. ”

“ You don’t need to be. ” he said softly, his gaze unwavering. “ I’ll take care of everything. ”

As you sipped the tea, you vision darkened, and you body grew numb. You collapsed onto the floor, you breathing shallow.

Jamil knelt beside you, his expression calm and composed. “ You’ll be at peace now, y/n. You’ll finally rest. ”

You last thought was of the boy you had named, the child you had loved so deeply have killed you.

Jamil sat in the empty house, the silence pressing down on him. He stared at the spot where you had taken you last breath, his mind racing with conflicting emotions.

He had done it to protect you, to keep you with him forever. But now, you was gone, and the emptiness you left behind was unbearable.

“ I’ll take care of everything. ” he whispered to the empty room, his voice hollow.

But no amount of cooking or cleaning could fill the void in his heart. He had taken everything from you, and in doing so, had destroyed the one person who made his world whole.

[zonezyo]

glinda and fiyero, both being for all intents and purposes on the same footing socially, are two sides of the same coin on what happens to those who come from privilege if they choose to forsake their standing in the face of adversity. they come from the same place, they have essentially the same thing to lose, but they end UP losing insanely different things based on the way they choose to live their lives. however, glinda and fiyero have the same thing to lose, but they do NOT have the same thing to gain.*

fiyero is of course actually very smart, no matter how carefree he plays himself, but before elphaba, before the catalyst, he WAS truly content with dancing through life-- he probably would have skated through on his looks and his charm, living a blessed but ultimately unfulfilling, unhappy life, with no real direction. but when given a cause he wakes up and begins to actually want. he wants change, wants elphaba, wants something different than what he's had. though it comes at obvious sacrifice for him, it is natural for him to follow elphaba. there is no personal risk of straying off his path because there is no real path ahead of him anyway. yes, he's captain of the guard, he's engaged to glinda-- but his heart is not truly with them. he has already mentally strayed towards elphaba.

glinda, though, is not like fiyero. she can play herself as charming as she wants to match him and everyone that expects anything from her, but she's at shiz to learn sorcery-- from the moment she's introduced we know that she's dead set on that goal. she WANTS something. she, like elphaba, marvels at the emerald city, imagining her life there one day. so when faced with this fatal decision between choosing what might be good but what is risky, she panics-- it's right there in the lyric!! to grovel in submission to feed her own ambition!! though part of it is certainly her backing into what is safe, she can't let go of her own dream for what would effectively kill every future she ever dreamed of. glinda is WILLING to forfeit her SOCIAL status for elphaba-- it's just that she's smart enough to understand that this is not simply forfeiting social status. this is forfeiting any and all power she ever could have, gain, or use to her/elphaba's advantage.

however: glinda's choice may seem entirely based in self preservation but she's also just as much trying to preserve elphaba's, maybe not safety, but status, because that's what she thinks of as safety. though it's unfair, glinda is right-- maybe not in this instance, but at least in the broad strokes of the song. elphaba HAS hurt her cause forever, she IS having delusions of grandeur, and this is going to make it that much harder for elphaba to ever truly make change regarding animals in oz because as a villain all she can do is drive people away (though ofc this doesn't mean she shouldn't have done what she did). glinda is desperately bargaining-- she knows elphaba cares about the animals, but she doesn't truly understand why, so there is nothing she could have said or done to level with elphaba. glinda ultimately still thinks that change is manageable under the people responsible for cruelty. she's misguided, unaware of the weight of what's happening. it's why she calls it ELPHABA'S cause, not the animals' cause, because she's not really concerned with the greater good at the moment, she's focused on saving her and her best friend. she's smart enough to understand power play, but not aware enough to understand what all that power means, really, at least not in the moment of act 1.

we can speculate what the "good" choice would have been for glinda but the real truth of the show is that the choice she made was the only one she was ever going to, though it might not be just or right or the one she should have.

[samwhump]

a (very inexhaustive, wincest-heavy) sam whump reclist

@transfemmesam asked me for Sam whump recs a few days ago, and I've had other requests in the same vein before (I can't imagine why.../s) so I thought I would throw this together, since these authors deserve all of the love and support for their contributions to our li'l fandom corner.

like I mentioned in the title, this is not at all a comprehensive list; I have at least ~200 more fics in my to-read queue that could thematically fit here, but alas, I have stupid shit like a job and a body and a dog to take care of, so. I'm always happy to get recs along these lines, so if you notice anything important missing, hit me UP. (and don't take any omissions as any specific commentary by me -- it's likely I just haven't had the chance to read it yet, haha.)

disclaimers:

some (most, honestly) of these contain potentially triggering and dark content, including but not limited to rape/noncon, torture, and suicidal attempts & ideation. I have tried to note content warnings where applicable, and most of the works are hosted on ao3, so the tags should have most of the information you need to make an informed decision. that being said, tread with caution. all of the summaries provided are from the original author, with warnings added after by me.

the list is in alphabetical order and separated into wincest and gen categories. a lot of the gen is also focused on the sam & dean relationship, because...I am what I am. and what I am a sucker for these two dipshits. there is also a brief section at the end with a few fics that don't fit into either category.

gen

All That Goes Unspoken by amnesiawife:

A case forces Sam to confront something long kept buried. (Set nebulously in season 12.)

CW: discussions of past rape/noncon, victim blaming

Beneath the Trees 'verse by Lise (5 works total, starting with Beneath the Trees, Where Nobody Sees):

Sam doesn't go to Stanford. Everything goes downhill from there.

CW: suicidal ideation

a boy is a cage by ad_castra:

After expelling Gadreel from Sam's body, Dean thinks they're in the clear. If only they were that lucky. // S9 fic wherein Gadreel's grace causes some adverse side-effects in Sam's mind.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon, body horror

body of proof by Askance (doomcountry):

There are things Sam hasn't told his brother. They're all in the envelope laid on Dean's pillow.

CW: heavy discussion of past rape/noncon

break these bones 'til they're better by redskyatmorning:

After Sam’s torture at the hands of the British Men of Letters, the latest in a long string of violations, he is rescued by Dean and Mary – and forced to ponder his broken relationship with his own body. Months later, when Sam is resurrected and tormented by Lucifer yet again, Dean confronts Mary and Sam gets his revenge against the devil.

catching my death (staring out an open window) by ad_castra:

Sam gazes at the window, catches the faint pink hue tinting the sky. It’s so realistic - he could breathe in the fresh air if he were really here. ----- They got Sam out. Sometimes, just knowing that isn't enough.

CW: implied past rape/noncon

Death of Convenience by WilsonTheMoose:

It should have been easy. Wendigos are no joke but daylight slows them. The weather's been unpredictable though and perfect, idyllic hunts don't exactly stay that way where they're concerned. Or Sam has one card to play and never stops to think that Dean would care if he killed himself.

CW: suicidal ideation, references to suicide

Echoes of Hell by The_Nightbreaker:

It wasn't real. He wasn't in Hell anymore. That's what he tried to tell himself over and over. But two centuries of torture don't disappear in a day. Sam struggles with visions of Hell, fighting to maintain his grip on reality. Dean hates that he can't protect his brother from what isn't real—but curse him if he doesn't try. When the boys stumble on a case with ties to the Devil himself, will they be able to pull themselves together in time to stop the sacrifices? Or will the echoes of Hell finally overtake them? Aka, season 7, but the plot is Hell trauma, not leviathans.

CW: suicidal ideation

Evening Shadows by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating the monster who tortured him for nearly two centuries, Dean feels like he's failing his brother, and a diner waitress bears witness.

CW: past rape/noncon

Everything Dies Given Time by Lise:

AU from 5.03. Sam discovers something wrong with himself, and learns to live with it. Only a lot less functional.

CW: suicide/temporary character death

The Freedom to Be Loud by jribbing:

It hadn’t occurred to Dean that maybe Sam remembered so much about that little nowhere town because something memorable had happened there.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

golgotha by redskyatmorning:

There’s a vacancy on the throne of hell, and Sam is desperate enough to save Dean from Michael’s possession to give into the abyssal depths of his own darkness.

Head Space by ameliacareful:

A witch curses Sam leaving him blind, deaf, and bedridden. Left with only the inside of his own head and the occasional touch, Sam begins to unravel.

CW: suicidal ideation

Hiraeth by inkandpaperqwerty:

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past "Dean... I made a really big mistake." For a second, Dean actually thought things were going okay. He was out of Hell, Sam agreed to stop drinking demon blood, they had just wrapped up a successful hunt... for once, everything was okay. And then it wasn't. "I overdosed." Not at all.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

if i could leave (i would've already left) by serendipity0930:

“I have a mission from God for you,” the Angel whispers to the man. “It is time for you to do what you were born to.” The man’s face twists into a smile, delighted over being chosen by Him, a purpose from God digging into his heart, carving out a place to fester. “Hunt.” ... 05x03 AU where Zachariah is even more determined to keep the brothers apart and hunters are all too willing to take Lucifer's True Vessel off the board for good

CW: referenced suicide

It's A River (But Not In Egypt) by Lise:

He's still a liar. Maybe always has been.

CW: toxic Sam/Lucifer dynamics

Kindred Instruments by PinBitch:

They’re in a tug of war and Sam is the rope. He doesn’t need to be alive for that. OR Sam dies in detox, being flung against the walls of a metal box will do that to you. Dean and Ruby pick up the pieces.

CW: temporary main character death, permanent supporting character death

lazarus trick by katsidhe:

Sam's alive, so everything is gonna be okay. 13.22 coda.

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence by Lise:

Sam's back. He's in one piece. That's the problem.

CW: self-harm

love is like ghosts by redskyatmorning:

I’m poison, Dean had said instead of I’m sorry. Well, Sam wants to say, what does that make me? What the hell does that make me? (A look into Sam's mind in the aftermath of the Gadreel possession.)

The Other Brother by RadioFriday:

Sam and Adam are pulled from the cage at the same time. Sam is not right, and Adam, stuck as his caretaker, is not pleased.

Oxygen by inkandpaperqwerty:

“Cas! Cas, please! Please, answer me! Cas!” Castiel ignores Dean for several minutes, but then Dean gives him an opening that might help him complete his mission. So, he goes to investigate, and what he finds is a very bloody, nearly dead Sam. Dean tells him where the injuries came from, and Castiel quickly becomes confused. It doesn't make sense, but Dean tries to explain it to him, and slowly... Castiel begins to understand.

CW: suicide attempt

Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc by AmberSock:

Sam waits, kneeling, for his execution. What if Dean hadn't missed?

CW: temporary character death

Safety In Distance by GalaxyThreads and SpiritClusters:

The Mark of Cain is a brand of violence. Sam was an idiot to think that he'd be exempt from it, just because he and Dean are siblings.

sometimes a kind of singing by adi_rotynd:

Sam gets cursed. They're dealing with it. Jack can see souls. That one they're not dealing with quite as well.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon

Soul Windows by GalaxyThreads and Spirit Clusters:

A few months after his birth, Jack learns how to see souls. Then he comes to a realization about the Winchester brothers, Sam in particular, and it's not a pleasant one. (gen)

Starry Night by keepcalmsmile:

Sam attempts suicide-by-monster. Dean tries to help. It sort of works...until it doesn't.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

such fragile, broken things by The_Bookkeeper:

Sam wishes that Dean would just get it over with already.

The Tale of Sir Galahad by keepcalmsmile:

Sam once said he could never be clean like Sir Galahad. Dean assumed he was just talking about the demon blood. Turns out, Sam was talking about something else too. WARNING: Extended discussions of the aftermath of rape and childhood sexual abuse (but NO description of the actual events). Happy(ish) ending, but potentially very triggering.

CW: past rape/noncon, mentioned CSA

They Hammered in His Teeth by jribbing:

Sam has a secret.

CW: suicidal ideation

today's troubles (are history tomorrow) by a_good_soldier:

"It's not really something I know how to share," Sam had said. In which Dean figures he ought to help Sam out a bit.

Touch and Go by themegalosaurus:

Tag to 9.19 (Alex Annie Alexis Ann) in which Dean realises why, exactly, Sam is so angry about what happened with Gadreel.

trust fall by ad_castra:

“I’m nothing like you,” Sam hisses. Nevermind relating to the anguish of going it alone. Nevermind that he knows what it is to be strapped down and forcibly cleansed against his will. Sam wonders if these trials are purifying Crowley as well. 

Words Like Glass by broken_cinders:

Dean never figured the cage wouldn't leave a mark. He was prepared for memories, flashbacks, and nightmares. He wasn't expecting the words Sam brought back with him or the way they made him seem just a breath beyond Dean's reach.

Wound and Unwound by fascra:

Sam stops eating spring of his freshman year.

CW: eating disorder

wincest (dean/sam)

Brittle by thecapn:

Sam Winchester has an eating disorder.

CW: eating disorder

Don't You Cry No More by sixtysevenlmpala (schittyfic):

The first time Sam gets badly hurt on a hunt, he doesn’t cry. Dean does.

Fall On Your Knees by dollylux:

Sam doesn't quite make it home on the last day of school before winter break.

The Fall Will Probably Kill You by killabeez:

Set between 7.04 and the aftermath of 7.07. Dean is not as okay as he'd like you to think. Neither is Sam.

CW: self-harm

Feels so good to feel again by Trojie:

The pain keeps Lucifer at bay, at least to start with.

Follow In Your Form by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating Lucifer in the wake of Cas bringing his Hell Wall crashing down. To make matters worse, it seems like this has his dormant powers flaring back to life.

Last Temptation by merle_p:

Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state. Because Sam is quite possibly dying, and there is nothing Dean can do to stop it. Because Sam is dying, and he just. Won’t. Shut. Up.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

leeches by Anonymous:

Sam discovers a spell to make everybody forget him. He’s convinced it’s for the best. Pre-Stanford.

CW: attempted kidnapping/torture

Make Thick My Blood by themegalosaurus:

“You’re going to kill me, Dean,” Sam says, eventually. And all Dean can say is, “I think I am.” A season 10 AU, set after 10x14 ('The Executioner's Song'). Cas finds a solution that might cure the Mark of Cain; but if they're going to go through with it, Sam has a terrible price to pay.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Prophecy of an Abomination by ashitanoyuki:

Sam is kidnapped by fanatically religious hunters and crucified. Coming back from this won't be easy. Canon-divergent from midway through season 2.

Recall by De_Nugis:

Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

The Room Upstairs by brokenlittleboy:

Sam comes back from hell, but he’s inside-out and all wrong, and Dean can’t fix him.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Ruin You (and its companion fic Worth) by Mumble_Bee:

Cole fucks Sam with Demon!Dean watching from a devil's trap, snarling that anyone would dare touch what was his. “I told you I don’t care what you do to his face or his blood or his fucking nose,” Dean growled, “but you put your dick anywhere near him and I will end you.” “Better hurry up then, Dean, because I don’t think I can wait much longer.”

CW: explicit rape/noncon

Snowed In by HelloStarlingFics:

When working a case, Sam and Dean get stuck out in a shack in the woods when the snow comes in hard and fast. Trouble is, Sam’s hated the cold ever since the Cage. Time for Dean to step up and look after him.

Wake by minchout:

Gadreel has had Sam for four years, and Dean, lost in guilt and obsessed with finding a way to get his brother back, has isolated himself in a cabin in the Missouri Ozarks with nothing but the woods, a stray dog, some chickens, and all the books the Men of Letters had to offer to keep him company. Then Sam shows up one day without his passenger, and Dean learns quickly that it doesn't matter that Sam is with him again - there is still a lot of work to be done before they can find their way back to each other.

Wanting to Forget by morganaDW (morgana07):

1-shot. S1 fic. After getting Sam freed from the Benders Dean thinks all he has to cope with is some bruises and cuts. He learns quickly just how wrong he is when Sam wakes up with a nightmare, reliving his brief but bad captivity in every detail. Sam just wants to forget & Dean has to try to get him to let him help. Will one night of cruelty and pain ruin what’s been formed between them?

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

when I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place by quake_quiver:

Sam doesn’t remember the last time he cried for Dean like he did that night. And now it’s been…two weeks. Maybe more. Sam is tired, and in pain, and starting to doubt that Dean’s going to show up. He’s weak and shaking from a combination of constant pain and hunger. Sam longs for Dean. Dean would make it better. Dean would fix it.

CW: rape/noncon, body horror

Wire Inside Me by merle_p:

There are a lot of things Sam hates about his current condition, to the point where he sometimes feels for the gun under his pillow at night, blindly toys with the safety, imagines pressing the muzzle into the underside of his chin and pulling the trigger just to make it stop. But there’s nothing he hates as much as the shadows he sees in Dean’s eyes whenever his brother is looking at him these days. It’s not an expression he remembers ever seeing before, but Sam thinks it’s probably something like revulsion. Horror. Disgust. What else could it be.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon, body horror, forced pregnancy

Worth (and its companion fic Ruin You) by Mumble_Bee:

Episode 10x01 "Black" where Dean is a human, and very, very, pissed off to hear someone has hands on his brother. “It’s nothing personal,” Cole whispered into Sam's ear, too quietly for Dean to hear, “but I need to kill your brother, and I need him off his game when he gets here. I don’t wanna hurt you, kid, but I’m going to, anyway. I’m going to hurt you a lot."

CW: explicit rape/noncon

you'll never see us again by according2thelore:

Then finally, his eyes trail over to Dean. His pupils are pin-point thin, and his hair is straggling in his face so Dean can’t see most of what expression lies there. Sam usually wakes up from nightmares in one of three attitudes: confusion, fear, or calm. A scary, sense-prickling calm that Dean hates more than anything else. Resignation, almost. Or: Sam suffers from nightmares and touch starvation post-Cage. They do their best to deal.

other Sam/Lucifer noncon

Cage Fight (No Way To Do This Right) by Dyed_Red:

Sam’s visit to the cage is already going awry, but Dean’s one-man rescue ends up skidding it sideways into territory neither him or Sam are ready for. (Gratuitous episode scene re-write. If Cas hadn’t come till after, if he hadn’t been there yet when Dean ran down to the 'parole' cage after hearing Sam scream - how bad could it have got for the brothers before he made it?)

CW: graphic rape/noncon

Into Being by withthekeyisking:

When Sam wakes up in the cave on Apocalypse World after having been killed by vamps, it's not just to find Lucifer there with him. It's to find him in him.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, necrophilia, forced pregnancy

Reggie/Tim/Sam noncon

a pointless resistance for you by withthekeyisking:

Sam doesn't know how long he's been with Tim and Reggie by the time Dean shows up and tries to take him out of there. Long enough that's he's already lost one baby and is pregnant with the next. Long enough that this life is starting to feel like all he knows.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, forced pregnancy & miscarriage, victim blaming

screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing by withthekeyisking:

Sam has done his best to move past what Tim and Reggie did to him, pretending it never happened at all. But running into them again makes that very difficult—especially when Dean gets involved.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

Waste 'Em All by withthekeyisking:

When Tim and Reggie try to force the demon blood down Sam's throat, he spits it back out. He has no interest in being turned into their own personal attack dog. They don't...take it well.

CW: explicit rape/noncon

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

on the antipsychotic conversation i'm honestly debating going off mine. i'm on abilify and while it helps with some things it also gives me really awful memory issues, especially when i forget to take it consistently which is a problem for me. it was helpful for me when i was extremely depressed and paranoid, but now that i've gained access to better community support and learned other ways to cope with those issues i don't really think i want to stay on it. i'm glad there's more people coming out about the issues with antipsychotics and talking about going off them. for a long time i felt like i had to be on one because that was what my psych said, even though there were and are a lot of negative effects

I fully support you, but one thing worth keeping in mind here is that a common side effect of antipsychotic withdrawal is in fact psychosis, because the brain does end up expecting the drug/attempting to compensate for it - so even if you put a neurotypical on antipsychotics for whatever reason, they're likely to have a psychotic reaction if their brain gets used to them and they then go off them too fast. I'm not saying this to tell you not to go off your antipsychotics, though I recommend that you do it slowly and gradually to decrease the risk of adverse withdrawal reactions of various kinds. I'm saying it because a lot of psychs will see the rebound psychosis and go "see? Clearly you DO really need your meds" and immediately increase your dose without giving your brain a chance to adjust even though psychosis is a known reaction to the WITHDRAWAL even outside the context of a psychotic illness. And they shouldn't get away with that, as in a lot of cases the brain will adjust and stabilize without the meds eventually - but at the same time a lot of people trying to quit these meds get scared by the sudden increase in symptoms and don't know about this phenomenon

[canisbrutus]

terminal hater disease 🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

Donald Anderson HCs 🔋

The Basics:

he runs on pure spite most of the time.

mainly because. well. he doesnt have much else.

he's devoted to his studies whenever he's not foolishly throwing himself into a hobby, trying to be the Best at it.

(which typically that ends with him crashing out, humiliated, and slinking back to the comfort of the library.)

this boy has a severe inferiority complex, pushing him to try to one up everyone he knows in the first place.

his social life is lacking, as you might understand.

but it's whatever. they just dont appreciate his efforts. they dont appreciate anything he does.

someday, he'll be on top.

and then?

they'll see.

Expanded HCs:

surprisingly enough, he seems to get along better with Gary and Petey than anyone else.

(listen to their lines. Petey makes jabs asking if his opponent knows how to read, and Gary is Very attached to the word Moron. Donald says both of these as well.)

Donald had met Pete first, up at church. later he'd be introduced to Gary, who saw him as an asset more than anything else. another pair of eyes to soak in everything.

regardless: Petey is a little shit, and also meek and 'girly,' much like himself. Gary is also ruthlessly cutting, and clever. very very fun to gossip with, even if he's a touch mean and dangerous.

these three talk mad shit, and Donald actually tried to get Pete to join the nerds as a kindred spirit.

(alas, Earnest didnt allow it and they later drifted apart, but i digress)

Donald also got along with Thad, briefly, because of the shittalking both do all the time. but Donald ended up shooting himself in the foot with him by nitpicking Bucky. and that was too much for the weasel to put up with.

eventually he cozied up to Dr Watts more than his actual clique, becoming a teacher's pet of sorts.

Watts was crazy, of course, sometimes deliberately microdosing chemicals and such to study their effects. occasionally Donald assisted with this as well, rationing things.

never experimented on himself, but he'd strongly considered drugging his enemies. recreating MK-ultra, even.

had he not been strung up on the flagpole by his underwear during the big game he likely wouldve had Jimmy mix two beakers in their locker room/showers that put out a vapor with adverse effects.

back to Dr Watts. at one point Donald took a serving of his miracle hair grow gel for himself. why?

genetics had cursed him to never be able to grow facial hair and he was really torn up about it. so instead he slathered that on the rest of his body.

now he looks like chewbacca underneath those layers and that's not the effect he wanted. so he'd rather die than uncover himself.

another important thing about him: he's Very religious. catholic, to be exact.

this is one of the reasons he's so judgemental towards others.

another reason being his father is a cop, sort of. he works in forensics and he has no interest in anything Donald does aside from studying hard and being 'good.'

this is also why he doesn't actively pursue any other interests.

it's kind of sad really.

well, minor correction. Donald tries to connect with his mother and her French heritage through cooking with her.

it's one of the few things he values, though he often generalizes his roots as 'European' rather than French specifically as it doesn't help his 'girly' image.

alas.

bullworth is full of degenerates and criminals. you'd be hard pressed to find a single person Donald hasn't written about at least once in his hate diary.

aside from Earnest, who he glazes on the daily.

he wishes he had a Death Note.

in case you missed it i also wrote a page from his diary here. this kid sucks.

[writing masterpost]

[sambhavami]

Hi!

Something I don't see talked about much is how krishna was made a center of romantic attention even as a child, and how it would have impacted him? Like kubja, many gopis in Vrindavan, possibly radha and kamadev himself they were much older. I mean people being attracted to him even as a child always made me a bit uncomfortable, even if it was normalized for that time (which shouldn't be)

So did so much romantic attention krishna experienced impacted or affected him in any way?

I am sorry if it is a odd question, thank you!

It's not an odd question, many researchers have fought about it for centuries now! 😂

Well, the culmination of the detailed documentation his early life's romantic adventures is in the ultimate critique afforded to his choice and number of wives. Krishna has been criticized mostly for marrying the 16100 women held captive by Naraka, and also because 4/8 of his chief wives are related to him in one way or another (Rukmini, Satyabhama, Mitravinda, Bhadra).

Against this, there seems to be two leading counters: (1) All wives except Rukmini are fictitious (laughable, and mostly a result of early western research into Indian mythology who balked at the idea of polyamorous relationships), and (2) Krishna is a God, normal people shouldn't look to his actions to judge their own (also, laughable, because would you rather people follow Duryodhana then? Seriously, just apply critical thinking to your personal situation instead of blindly following anyone).

In general, one impact you could say that all the romance had on Krishna was probably the fact that he is comparatively more free. He isn't very happy about the rigidity of the then society, and often prefers less violent solutions that his opponents call cowardice. However, this could be the combined effect of his upbringing, not necessarily just the gopis.

There's also the point of Krishna being considered a 'solar hero', a category of sorting mythological figures, who are characterized by many great feats, usually a grave danger near their birth, and the affinity to many women.

Personally, I do not see any adverse effect on Krishna as an adult. Any issues, if any, the war with Jarasandha would have knocked it right out of him. He did end up with sort of high expectations for his wives though, and sometimes they did not live up to those expectations, not because they were lacking in any way, but more because they all grew up in drastically different environments and had some trouble reading their already pretty inscrutable husband.

[liketwoswansinbalance]

Part II of Miscellaneous Rafal Headcanons (some would occur in a Modern AU):

Part I here.

⸻

He's amazing at lateral thinking, which sometimes involves simplicity to his solutions, and doesn't like shams that are overly-complex for the sake of being complex.

He hates the modern therapy-speak "epidemic."

He complains like an old man that everyone views every little thing as "traumatic" nowadays and despises how intolerant of the pain/stressors of life people are.

He holds a secret grudge against rich laymen who won't fund his "innovative" work (whatever field that may be in).

He thinks fancy, ergonomic pillows are ridiculous.

Yet, he possibly uses compression socks because he's a frequent flier??? /j

He tries to upstage others if he senses a threat.

He puts his worst self forward first, then better versions of himself, to weed out the "unworthy" among the company he keeps.

He hates other know-it-alls like a true hypocrite, but only because he thinks he's the only one with a justified claim to being right, unlike those others.

He appreciates architecture like Rhian does but is comparatively more lowkey about it. (Could be a fan of suspension bridges?)

In a modern AU, his favorite pens are black Copic Multiliners.

He wears a pen clipped to his shirt pocket and has a miniature notebook in the pocket... for schemes.

In a modern AU, he projects that he will argue/fight someone over something petty, but he's actually too lazy to bother and waste his time. He cultivates this reputation he's somehow earned though.

Accordingly, his go-to "threat" is: "I'll make a ghost out of you." (Anyone catch the reference?!)

His computer files are organized; his physical workspace is not. He often values functionality over aesthetics—hence why everything is in a visible place and easily accessible, in a semblance of order, instead of all shut up in drawers where he can't see or find anything.

Household objects end up in unusual places based on frequency of use in certain locations as he "has a system."

He has not changed the desktop wallpaper of his computer since he took it out of the box. Rhian thinks this fact is hilarious.

He regularly leaves events abruptly once he's had his fill, making "Irish Exits."

He often skims the transcripts of YouTube videos and podcasts because people don't talk fast enough for him.

He doesn't have any houseplants because they're too much work.

Every time Rhian visits him, Rhian draws open his curtains and opens windows to "air out the place" because he forgets and the air becomes musty, like that of a dungeon.

He silently listens to things with vibes like "Celestis, Divinitus, Insania, Vero" and doing so fuels his god complex. While he's at it, he pretends he's the real-life incarnation of Diabolus ex Machina in the mirror.

He's fond of using sharp epigrams and chiasmus in speech.

Schadenfreude is his favorite foreign word.

He regularly feels weltschmerz.

When he pulls all-nighters to little adverse effect, the bluish veins around his eyes look so terrible that Rhian suggests he wear concealer

He likes the look of blued plate armor. Resents that it's more of an Ever aesthetic.

He prefers serif fonts.

In a modern AU, he keeps a lighter in his pocket just to click on and off. Never actually uses it to ignite anything (most likely?).

He plays up his own mysteriousness by never validating anything anyone claims about him. (Partly canon—I feel this last one is.)

He says "impossible" or "improbable" dramatically when he wants to shut Rhian down, but doesn't actually want to hurt him in the process.

He hates hitting dead ends in his thought process. (Applied to canon, this could also be taken literally in a way though...)

[lizordula]

Make Up Your Mind

Pairing: Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Summary: You're a makeup artist working for the documentary crew. On Halloween, you learn that Melissa's specialties include costumes and looking hot, among other things.

Warnings: mention of clowns

Word Count: ~2.1k

A/N: I've been sitting on this for a while, but I figured today would be a good day to post it. Happy Halloween! Lemme know if you'd be interested in a pt. 2 ^^

AO3 Link

"Places, people."

The director clapped his hands, shooing the camera crew around to take their designated places for the recording of the talking heads.

The halls at Abbott Elementary were buzzing with the Halloween spirit. Walls were elaborately decorated with spider webs, pumpkins littered every surface, and students and staff members had dressed up to the nines. Even the documentary crew spontaneously decided to film in costumes, and so it happened that there were quite literally a bunch of clowns operating the camera equipment.

You weren't sure, though, if those costumes had been the best choice for an elementary school. Turns out, a group of clowns lurking around every corner and running after staff members had a rather adverse effect on children. Not even one lesson in, and you had to console at least five crying students.

Well, and Jacob, who held up production by rambling about a janitor ghost for a good while.

On short notice, you weren't able to organize a suitable costume for yourself, so you were the only crew member in regular clothes. Makeup bag slung over your shoulder, you stood awkwardly to the side and waited for a certain second-grade teacher to show up for her touch-up. Your right foot bounced up and down excitedly at the prospect of seeing her again after the weekend.

The first time you met Melissa, she refused to let you anywhere near her face or hair, almost offended by the implication that something about her needed fixing. You respected her boundaries and said that she would know where to find you when - not if - she changed her mind. The following week, she begrudgingly had to give in to your offer.

Apparently, Janine had broken into the breaker to fix the flickering lights but ended up causing a school-wide power outage. You had to stifle your laughter when Melissa had trudged up to you before shooting, fixing you with a fierce glare that told you to spare her your 'I told you so'. She looked as if she had broken into the electrical current herself, the way her hair was all frizzed and tousled up. Her makeup hadn't fared too well either because of the sweat she had worked up during the sprint to her branzini.

The branzini didn't make it, unfortunately. But you were able to tame Melissa's red locks and, apparently, didn't do a too bad job on her makeup either, if her approving nod after she viewed herself in her phone's front camera was any indication.

After that, Melissa started warming up to you, and you sensed her respect for your work growing. But what really won her over were your compliments. You were never stingy with compliments when working on people and didn't have any ulterior motives when you complimented Melissa's hair or her eyes. However, you had to admit that she was very much your type and that you enjoyed flustering her.

To your surprise, Melissa not only returned your compliments in kind but started flirting with you as well. From then on, your comfortable banter before each interview became routine. Sometimes Melissa brought you a coffee, and if you coincidentally had a spare after she had mentioned how much she liked a product, you would gift it to her.

You couldn't deny that you had become infatuated with Melissa Schemmenti, but with the limited time you had with her before the interviews and your colleagues constantly listening in, you always backed out of making a move on her.

You were brought back from your reverie when you spotted Melissa turning the corner. Your eyes widened when your eyes roved over the redhead's costume. She was wearing a form-fitting red bodysuit with pink tights, which beautifully accentuated her hourglass figure, and a flowy red cape and headpiece finished the unmistakable look of the Scarlet Witch.

While you were ogling her, Melissa searched for you amid the bustle of the documentary crew. It wasn't hard to spot you as you stood out like a sore thumb among the camera clown posse. Her lips quirked upward when she noticed how you were already staring at her and not so subtly checking out her costume. Your obvious appreciation for her costume made Melissa stand straighter and puff out her chest as she sauntered over to you, a smile spreading on her face when you locked eyes.

"Hey, hon. No costume?"

"Nope, didn't have one appropriate for an elementary school," you replied with a chuckle, grabbing Melissa by her elbow and leading her to the side of the corridor. You rummaged around in your bag in search of her powder shade and a brush and faced her again.

"What, as in too sexy?" she grinned, crossing her arms. Your gaze flickered briefly to her cleavage being pushed up by the movement.

"No, as in 'the kids would shit their pants in fear'," you snorted, dabbing the powder across Melissa's t-zone in practiced motions. Melissa spluttered when you deliberately brushed over her lips to wipe off her smug grin. You smirked and took out a comb and the hairspray next, signaling Melissa to close her eyes.

"Besides, if sexy is inappropriate, you didn't get the memo," you continued slyly, emboldened by the fact that you didn't have to look Melissa in the eyes while you said it. When you finished, she opened her eyes and looked you up and down curiously, ready to retort, but she was interrupted by a loud groan from the director.

"Oh god, not again. Why isn't this recording?"

Melissa and you turned toward the commotion, observing multiple people scurrying around the camera equipment. Their attempts to fix the problem by pushing different buttons and adjusting cables were completely foreign to you, but this hadn't been the first time the camera malfunctioned, so you knew you had some time to waste.

"That'll probably take a minute. Want me to spruce up your makeup?" you asked, waggling your eyebrows at Melissa.

"Sure, as long as you don't turn me into a killer clown. We have 'nough of those running around," Melissa replied, playfully rolling her eyes.

"Honey, with that face? I could never," you drawled and took Melissa's hand, dragging her to the nearby supply closet where the crew stored their excess equipment. Melissa closed the door behind her and sat against a desk, her eyes glued on your behind as you bent over to retrieve something from another bag.

Her head snapped up when you turned around with some brushes, a lipstick, and an eyeshadow palette and joined Melissa at the desk. Normally, she was a bit taller than you, but thanks to her position, you were a few inches above her for a change. Melissa held eye contact as she slowly spread her legs so you could position yourself comfortably between her thighs, watching your reaction with a raised brow. You gulped at the display and hesitantly drew closer, body heating up at this newfound proximity.

"Close your eyes," you ordered hoarsely, your hand tightly gripping the eyeshadow brush, hovering it in front of Melissa's face. Melissa stared at you a moment longer with a smirk, enjoying seeing you squirm between her legs, but it was her turn to blush when you took her chin between your thumb and pointer finger, angling her head slightly to the left. Your lips quirked upward when you saw Melissa swallow hard.

Two could play this game.

For the next few minutes, your breathing was the only sound in the room while you painted a simple red crease on Melissa's eyelids. It was a comfortable silence. Your mind constantly wandered to the fact that Melissa and you were alone for the first time, secluded in a storage room, away from the documentary crew's prying eyes. A blush spread on your cheeks when you thought about how it might look to the crew if Melissa and you left the supply closet together.

You hoped to God that the blush wouldn't show on your face when you tapped Melissa's thigh lightly, signaling her to open her eyes again. You stopped her with a hand on her forearm before she could get out her phone to view the results.

"Wait, I still need to add the finishing touch," you said and leaned over the redhead to exchange the palette and brush for the lipstick you deposited on the table earlier. Melissa's heart started pounding away when your chests brushed together. Her hands instinctively reached out, resting on your hips to steady you. When you leaned back again, Melissa's hands remained.

You looked from Melissa's hands to her eyes pointedly, lips curling into a smile despite yourself, and Melissa grinned, squeezing your hips briefly to remind you that you had a job to do. Clearing your throat to refocus, you gently grabbed Melissa's jaw to keep her in place. She watched with bated breath as you uncapped the lipstick with your other hand and brought it closer to her lips.

While you were focused on applying the bright red lipstick to plush lips, Melissa's gaze traveled over your face, mesmerized by the way your brows furrowed in concentration or how you bit your lower lip as your hand lightly squeezed her jaw. When you were done, you swiped along the edge of her lower lip with your thumb, wiping away any smudges left behind by the lipstick. You locked gazes with Melissa as you did, suddenly aware of how you were mere inches apart. Your thumb brushed softly over her lower lip, and you thought about how easy it would be to lean in and steal a kiss. But you willed yourself to pull away.

"All done," you announced and let your hands fall to Melissa's thighs. Her hands lifted from your hips as she grabbed her phone to regard herself in the front camera. Your stomach fluttered when her face broke into a smile as she took in the red eyeshadow and lipstick perfectly complimenting her costume.

"I love it. Thank you, hon," Melissa breathed, gazing at you affectionately.

"I'm glad you like it. Oh, and take this. You can reapply it throughout the day," you added, handing her the lipstick you painted her lips with.

"No, I- You already gave me that concealer last week, and I-" Melissa started, but you interrupted her with a squeeze of her thighs.

"Melissa, I gave you those things because I wanted to. Please take it," you insisted. Melissa nodded sheepishly and took the lipstick from you, stuffing it inside her bra.

You glanced at the door, lip caught between your teeth.

By now, the crew had probably fixed the problem. It was time to head back out again, however, you didn't want the moment to end. This had been probably the longest time you had spent with Melissa and the first time you were alone, and you figured that if your flirting would ever amount to something, you had to make up your mind and take a chance now.

However…," you began and took a deep breath, bracing yourself for a long overdue leap of faith. "If you want to repay me, you could be my plus one at this Halloween party at Woody's tonight."

You wrung your hands nervously while Melissa blinked at you a few times, the silence seemingly stretching forever. Long enough to make you wonder whether you misjudged the situation. You took your hands from Melissa's thighs and moved to put some space between Melissa and you, but before you could step back, she grabbed you by your forearm, pulling you back toward her.

"I would like that," she smiled, brushing her thumb over your wrist.

"Uh, great," you exclaimed when Melissa's words sunk in, "it's a date. I'll text you the time and address."

Melissa nodded, and for a moment, you both stood grinning at each other, holding onto each other's hands. When you remembered that you should probably bring Melissa back, you stepped back slowly, holding onto her hand until you had to break apart, and turned around to sort away your makeup equipment. When you faced Melissa again, she was already holding the door for you.

You stopped in the doorframe next to the redhead, giving her costume a very slow, appreciative once over, and cast her a smouldering look.

"And wear this."

━━━

"Oh, I love Halloween. Best holiday by far. Disguises, crime, lookin' hot? These are my specialties," Melissa told the camera, hand propped on her hip. Her eyes flickered to you, then, and her smirk grew. The crew was none the wiser about the silent exchange between the two of you.

You shot her a wink before she left for class. A promise that you would be exploring at least one of those specialties tonight.

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

I love how so many interpersonal conflict in MDZS aren't caused by simple 'miscommunication' – they're caused by people being too quick to judge things based on rumours or one-sided information, without consideration for the actual evidence behind that.

The soup incident? JZX only believed the guest cultivator's side of things without consideration of JYL's words. 3zun's fate? LXC only considered JGY's side of the story, without considering NMJ's may have some truth to it (because in his mind, JGY had a justifiable reason for all his actions). Sunshot-era Wangxian conflict? LWJ believed the unfounded* narrative he was taught around what guidao does, contrary to what the only source of evidence was saying, and it's this that leads to WWX constructing a barrier between them. Their final confrontation at Nightless City? WWX came to the conclusion that LWJ was against him, hated him too, despite the fact that "any sane person would be able to tell that Lan WangJi’s voice was clearly shaking" (EXR, Chapter 78), due to his mental state at the time.

This same mindset is also leveraged by other people, for varying purposes – whether it be JGS blatantly lying about WWX's words in the hopes people would believe him, or NHS spreading false rumours about the man-eating castles at Xinglu Ridge in order to stop people disturbing the sabre spirits (of course he uses this mindset in his plan to utterly destroy JGY as well, both directly and to contribute to the view NHS is useless). And that mindset also creates the main driving antagonistic force – the rumour-driven mob mentality so present in the world.

I just love how present this theme (the harm of coming to conclusions based on incomplete evidence) is in the novel, even when it's not drawn attention to**!

(more discussion under the cut)

Now, there are obviously other factors to the conflicts above – and in most cases, these reactions are understandable (WWX's misreadings due to his mental state at Nightless City, for one thing, but others, too). For example there was evidence that appeared to be there supporting LWJ's views on guidao: WWX did appear paler, there would definitely have been differences in his health vs the health of those with a working Golden Core, and he was quick to anger and did seem more arrogant than before, even though that was moreso a combination of trauma and constructing an image that meant nobody would look into the matter of his Golden Core too closely. So argubaly, he did weigh the evidence he had, and it just led him to the wrong conclusion! But none of that means this aspect wasn't a major factor in those conflicts – just as it doesn't mean that LWJ didn't instantly disregard the other side of the story (WWX's words), and came to the wrong conclusion partially because of it.

That also doesn't mean the characters can't learn from this or change their conclusion – LWJ comes to accept WWX's words towards the end of WWX's first life, LXC does open up to the potential flaws within JGY when Wangxian raise it, and after he's seen NMJ's corpse, due to receiving strong evidence (the wrong melody and cleanly missing pages in the Collection of Turmoil, for instance). If he only started suspecting JGY after he shows his cards at the Guanyin Temple, he wouldn't have done things like block JGY from the Cloud Recesses, for instance.

(And, a final note: the problem isn't that these characters chose the 'wrong side' of the issue to see it from – their process would still have been flawed even if they came to the right conclusion from its other side. The problem here is that none of them consider both and weigh them up to judge.)

––

*Regardless of whether you believe guidao has an adverse effect on mental state, and it isn't just trauma – WWX is the inventor of guidao! So any pre-invention speculation about the effects of guidao was, by the word's definition, unfounded... and these teachings were certainly pre-invention! So though I do have an opinion regarding this, it doesn't affect the point.

**Chapter 30 is a good example of when it is: '[LWJ:] “One should not comment without understanding the whole picture.”' (EXR) – but it appears in many of Wangxian's actions throughout the present day section of the novel (especially in regard to teaching the Juniors).

[bambi-kinos]

I have been thinking about this ask since I got it and as to the question of why John treated people the way he did, especially Paul. My take on this situation is that John Lennon was not allowed to grow up by the environment and people he was surrounded by and so he could not envision the future consequences of his actions the way that the average adult can. This with the addition of his constant drug use (which in all likelihood left him with significant brain damage) meant that he could not function the way an adult should.

John actually did have periods of emotional growth where he looked inward, changed, and tried to do better. These moments took place before he got famous, when he was faced with adversity and he rose to meet it.

IMO Hamburg 1960 was such a time. John partied, he found new pills to take, he experimented with kissing and shagging men, he discovered transgender people (and shagged them), and had a lot of ups and downs with his boyfriend(s) and his group. It is easy to dismiss this as mindless hedonism but as a retired hedonist myself (though I never pushed as hard as John did) I will tell you: hedonism can lead to introspection and self knowledge. John really pushed it to its limits and he almost lost Paul because of it but I think the Great Unknown that happened in Hamburg pushed John to actively change. He cleaned himself up a bit especially once Stuart left to be with Astrid. Once he came back to Liverpool (after enduring the trauma of his bandmates being ripped from him, yet another violent separation that no doubt would have left him in an emotional tailspin) he rested, hooked up with Cynthia, and then went looking for Paul knowing that he needed him to make this band thing work. Like, John spent a few weeks in his bedroom not speaking to anyone once he went home. He didn't want to be seen, he wanted to sleep and eat hot food, and think. He was considering whether he should continue with the band or not, if this was really worth it. Which implies there was a precarious moment where John was thinking of just ending The Beatles. He decided that the plan still had merit, ran into George, and then went to fetch Paul. A few months of light groveling and nagging later, Paul was his again. John committed to The Beatles and therefore committed to Paul. Paris was the culmination of this change and John's reward for putting in the work, and from what we can gather, Paul made every inch worth John's while.

The Beatlemania years leading up to Sgt. Pepper and psychedelia. This was period is more like 1961-1965 Shea Stadium. From here it was an upward climb and subsequently the most intense period of his relationship with Paul. I don't think this was just youthful enthusiasm and the flush of a new relationship, I think John was learning and growing as a person thanks to this adversity. He bonded even closer to Paul which resulted in their intimacy deepening; John's songwriting matured and culminated in "Ticket to Ride" which is a brutal self evaluation of his own faults and how he drives his loved ones away from him. You don't write a song like "Ticket to Ride" because you have no idea what it's like for your lover to get fed up with your moodiness and leave you. John was much more self aware than he's given credit for. This continued onward, them thinking they've reached the summit only to find there's a new height to climb. John said something to the effect of "I saw the top of the mountain" as a result of the first Shea concert. (They would do a second Shea concert in 1966.) That was when he realized that The Beatles were it and that they were not vacating the number one spot any time soon. What else was there to strive for?

And I think after that, a lot of John's emotional development kind of...stopped. Or was held up. Or slowed down to a snail's pace, whichever you prefer. The LSD had a hand in this, tripping constantly takes a lot out of you. Yesterday played its part, John emotionally retreated out of fear of losing Paul (which of course ensured that he lost Paul forever). Success becomes your enemy sometimes; John had so much success that he no longer had to face adversity, no longer had to grow because everything he wanted was on tap. As someone somewhere said, fame ruined the Beatles in this way.

That's the crux of it, I think. He just stopped maturing. It was childish the way he slagged off Paul -- not just Paul but other people as well. Sean said that John spent the rest of his life apologizing to everyone he ran into because of Lennon Remembers, which implies he burned a lot of bridges with that one. John had a habit of doing that and his fame as a Beatle enabled him to do it without consequences. No one was willing to stand up to him so he didn't get to learn a pattern of "don't do this or else this will happen." He was mentally damaged from his drug usage and I also wonder if he had a genuine learning disability of some kind because he simply could not make the connection between cause/effect: "If I do X then Y might happen so I shouldn't do X." His mother was not a drug user like John but she exhibited many of the same behaviors he did. Namely the "inability to visualize consequences" thing.

John did care about Paul, especially when it was starting out. I think the love was pure then because his mental aesthetic of who and what Paul was had not yet been distorted. John knew who Paul was, he knew who John Lennon was, they were in love and everything was possible.

But then John's untreated mental illness begins to take its toll, he's self medicating with drugs which does more harm than good, his mental aesthetic of Paul distorts more and more because Paul will not let him in. The media did this to John too, all of them reporting on how cool Paul was and how amazing Yesterday is and John is shitting himself internally because he can feel the split already forming between them musically. John is unable to stop himself from manipulating Paul in response, which is a bad move because Paul is the ultimate contrarian and bolts in response. Which sends John into deeper panic etc. And oh yes, the entire world is watching them while this happens and nitpicking their every move. We live in the age of social media, we know what this is like.

Over time that love became mixed in with anger and resentment. John could not tell fantasy from reality. He did what he always does and he imagined something, tricked himself into believing it, and then got mad about something that didn't exist. If he did reach out to Paul then Paul responded badly, which understandably devastated John's feelings.

When you show someone your real feelings and they dismiss you or trivialize your vulnerability because they want to Win At Being Right...your relationship crumbles with that person. A common bug in Paul's relationships is that he needs to Win At Being Right even at the expense of people loving him. We don't know this for sure but I'm convinced he did this to John plenty of times. Frankly, a relationship cannot survive that behavior. Lack of mutual respect kills marriages all the time. I absolutely believe that Paul disrespected John and trivialized his feelings (even if by accident) and that this caused John to become bitter over time since Paul took him for granted. Who wouldn't become bitter under those circumstances?

This is how they got into the "fuck you/no, please, fuck you/no no no fuck YOU/I absolutely insist, you must go fuck yourself" cycle. Which John really just expanded on during the 1970s with his bitching about Paul, it was just another level of the "fuck you bitch" cycle that started between them with Yesterday. And John's immaturity and brain damage from drug usage and his inability to understand consequences meant that he didn't fully comprehend what he was doing. He didn't want to think that Paul was vulnerable because Paul had rejected John's vulnerability. He didn't want to imagine he was hurting Paul deeply because Paul had hurt him deeply. He wanted revenge on Paul more than he wanted to keep his relationship with Paul because he thought Paul wouldn't be too damaged by it. I think John had gotten comfortable with the idea that no matter what he threw at Paul, Paul would not only survive it but that he'd rub John's face in it. I don't think John ever considered the idea that he could actually succeed in what he was doing, he never imagined that he would actually win the argument and that he would damage Paul's image and John's relationship with Paul forever. That sense of "I'll lose no matter what" enabled him to act out however he wanted because it wasn't like any of it would matter anyway, right? Paul can survive anything. He's invincible.

Right?

John did love Paul, I believe that. I think he loved Paul deeply and sincerely. I think if he actually understood what Paul was thinking and feeling then John would have changed tactics immediately or even stopped what he was doing. But John's drug usage, years of slights and disrespect from Paul, being unable to visualize consequences, and immaturity caused him to act out in a childish way. He stopped listening to Paul and started listening to his resentments and grudges. Lashing out at Paul was the only outlet he had and John didn't know how to do anything else. He had no incentive to learn otherwise and grow up, deal with Paul on adult terms.

Funnily enough I think it's actually losing George that finally set something into motion inside John. Like, George cut John off, an extremely big deal. In my neck of the woods its called "severing" and its probably the most difficult thing you can possibly do with any sort of relationship. George ignored John; he cut John out of his autobiography; he stopped talking to John; he did not mention him in public. He knew this was the most brutal punishment he could devise for John Lennon and it worked. John wrote "lost" by George's name in the word association game. John went too far bitching about Bob Dylan and not apologizing for hanging George out to dry. George had enough and did the right thing. He severed his relationship with John because John was toxic and dragged George down. Of all the people in John's life, George is the one who willingly served consequences to John when he was surrounded by enablers and errand boys.

That, more than anything, seems to be what set John on the back foot. I sincerely believe that George cutting him off forced John to do some introspection and that is part of what he was doing in the Dakota after Sean was born. Asking himself what he did to make George cut him off; and then John slowly started to grow and mature again. Because you see, George provided what Paul couldn't: he gave John adversity to meet, which forced John to grow as a person. And so we got the song "Woman" which is not just about the women in John's life but is also a letter to all the people he hurt with his thoughtlessness and immaturity, where he finally starts taking responsibility for his actions:

I can hardly express, My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness, After all I'm forever in your debt,

I will try to express, My inner feelings and thankfulness, For showing me the meaning of success,

hold me close to your heart, However distant don't keep us apart, After all it is written in the stars,

please let me explain, I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain, So let me tell you again and again and again,

It's on par with "Ticket to Ride" and "I Know, I Know" in John showing introspection and discussing his own flaws. Something that he notably was not doing during his peak "fuck you Paul" era.

John loved Paul but also resented him due to their circumstances. He wanted to hurt Paul but didn't think he could actually do so because his mental aesthetic of Paul was so viciously distorted. He dehumanized Paul by putting him on a pedestal, made him an object John could degrade at a moment's notice to make himself feel better. You can do that to objects without consequences; when you do it to people, you get pushback.

Losing George and Paul keeping him at a distance for years is what made John finally realize that he had hurt them and that he could hurt them to the point that he would never see them again. It took years of self examination for John to come to this realization which indicates how disordered and muddy his thinking was.

[tyttamarzh]

Just some late night thoughts.

For some reason January 21 is a special day in many ways for Missa Cubito…

21 de enero de 2023

Missa death in MCExtremo. In that series he had great character development, at first he was just a scared baby who didn't know the world, everyone had to take care of him, because with the slightest carelessness he would die (literally, they were distracted for a second and Missa looked at an ender and died, because he "did not know what it was"). He spent the first few days very scared, locked up at home, until after dying and reviving due to a bug, he decided that it was time to live that life to the fullest and decided to leave his crib and go out to face danger. He learned to fight being trained by none other than Spreen and Shadoune, learned to water bucket clutch with Rubius and became brave when facing mobs (sometimes recklessly). His new way of approaching life scared Q (it even cost him a life to him to this one) but for Missa it was very effective, because after losing practically 3 lives in 2 days being a scared guy, he managed to survive until day 5 with his brave attitude (even if he survived that day, he was able to reach the final) he was so full of confidence when fighting and decided that now that he was no longer the smallest of the team he was going to protect his friends, especially Q, who was the fearful one of the group now… and that's how he took too many risks and ended up dying, being something very shocking not only for his team but for everyone in the series and for the viewers, really, Twitter was flooded with fanarts and people crying about his death (even Missa said that an aunt called him because she thought something had happened in the real life).

That was very important because before that series almost no one knew Missa Cubito, he was just "the guy who died too quickly in Dedsafio" or "The funny guy who hopefully managed to get too far in siqud craft games". But in those 5 days (5 days of consecutive streams, it was heaven for the missaurios), he won over the internet with the story of his growth and death (Even today people say that the best thing about that series was having the "team vacio legal" and Missa was the heart of that team). I think that was the moment when Missa cubito separated from Missa Youtuber and became her own character.

But that was a sad day, because that day Missa Cubito lost the first family he had found.

This was the moment he died, fighting like a warrior:

January 21, 2024

Llegamos al día de hoy.

Missa wakes up in the QSMP prison and reunites with his family, it was the first time that Missa, Philza and Chayanne were together at the same time since April. Not only that, but he now officially adopts Tallulah as his daughter. Despite the adverse circumstances, his family has finally been reunited and grown (although Missa already considered Tallulah his daughter, now it is official and she calls him dad).

Despite being another universe, Missa is still the kind boy who wins everyone's hearts. Missa behaved politely with the guards, being mannerly when referring to them by saying "please and thank you" and greeting everyone very kindly.

He was very nice with the eggs, even with the ones he didn't know, and he refused to hit Dapper even though he was hitting him, Missa just said: "I'm never going to hit you or do anything to hurt you."

Missa was very happy to spend time with Phil, when he spent a long time losing sight of him, he would ask where he was and look for him.

The moment of the kiss (or the kisses) was something WTF I really didn't think that one day they would kiss and definitely I imagined many scenaries, but in no way I believed it would be that way, but that's what makes it special. They are not an ordinary couple, whether platonic or whatever they called it, whatever they have is special and I guess that was a special way for it to happen. Phil probably would never have dared to ask him to kiss him in another context and that's fine, because it seems like that would be the only way for it to happen (even if they both wanted it, I don't think it would have happened in another context).

It is worth mentioning that the moments of Philza being jealous and him reaffirming that he was married and being loyal to him was something I really didn't expect. After so much time apart, they still have that unique dynamic.

The day in prison was filled with so many things, but I can say that for the first time in a long time, Missa felt fully loved, not only by being with his children and his husband, but also by all those friendly interactions he was with others and that he could not have before on the island, because the first days he was extremely shy and did not separate himself from Roier and the friends he knew and after he only connected sporadically, meeting Foolish, BBH and rarely Philza.

Something curious that Missa Himself mentioned was that the previous times he was with Phil it was more of "ohh I miss you" but they didn't amount to anything more and today he was very happy because they were able to hang out together and do more things bonding with his family.

When he and Chay freed the turtle it was adorable, then the 4 of them doing the tasks, that was a unique moment and he was very happy singing for his family (being so nervous that he forgot the words to his own songs).

His bond with Phil strengthened and they didn't have to do much, that simple moment of the two of them talking about tacos and memes was something very cozy that they needed to do a long time ago. Just as the moment when they took the children for a walk with the llamas was something so sweet for this family that they almost forgot that they were in a prison, because it seemed more like a picnic in the park.

It really was a great advance, probably what happened today will help Missa a lot to grow and leave his self-esteem problems behind. He is important, he is loved and he is useful to his family.

Missa was a trend today, as it was last year, but the big difference is that this was a happy day because somehow, today he got his family back, that big family that he hadn't had in a long time and that he wanted so much and deserved.

The parallel of how he left today:

He is happy, laughing with his husband and children :')