#it gets worse everyday it feels like I'm not even myself

[larryjohnsoncosplayonthursday]

vent I am so sorry I am ranting loosing my shit and balls

[adore-gregor]

Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭

[ilicythings]

.

[klara-rosa]

anyway therapy was good today! I was very frustrated after last week's session. It was super uncomfortable and I wanted to cry afterwards (I have literally only cried twice during my entire therapy career). I actually told my current therapist that last week sucked and made me angry and we talked about it and she told me she really wants me to tell her this information in the future. And in general, today was a looot better and more positive and uplifting. We did an exercise in gratefulness and it really helped to kinda flip the coin and make you look at your life from a dofferent angle. I have sooo many negative self-beliefs and rituals I've accumulated over the years and sometimes I forget that a huuuge part of every one of my days is literally dependant on my own attitude and outlook on life in general. So I'll try and incorporate that exercise in my day to day life. Honestly, I left with such a lighter heart today than I did the last couple of weeks and that makes me happy 🥺

[prettycottagequeer]

ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)

SO these I should start on asap:

50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make

100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week

150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)

200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)

these can wait longer:

300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect

500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)

1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks

2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.

Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese

here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)

How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks

I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.

that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.

the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.

On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started

[theelvishfiddler]

AN ARTIST'S GUIDE TO HANDS

No, sorry it's actually not an artist's guide to drawing hands. Those are just warmup studies (which I'll talk about in this post.)

This is a guide to Your Hands and how to take care of them when making art.

No one ever sits down and teaches artists how to take care of their hands. They didn’t even teach me this while I was in art college. This is just what I've learned myself through years of pain and scouring the internet for advice.

This is going to be a long one and geared towards illustrative traditional/digital/pen/pencil artists specifically, but artists of other mediums and crafts should take care of their hands too! Well, we all should take care of our bodies in general, but this is about hands.

(advice is below the read more)

First off I'm not a professional or anyone with actual medical advice. I'm just some guy with chronic hand pain who makes art. This advice is free for you to use or discard.

WARMUPS!

Ever sit down in the morning to draw and wonder why your art is so stiff and looks so much worse than what you were drawing last night? It's because you didn't warm up!

You know how for physical sports they all warmup and do stretches before getting into the actual sport. To prevent injuries and all that? Yeah, it's good to do that for art too.

One way to warmup is to just draw lines. Try to keep them as straight as you can. Going up and down and diagonal. Draw squares. Big squares. Small squares. Circles! You are warming up, keep it loose and relaxed! Basically just scribble away.

(examples. I usually keep going until there is no paper white left. This can double as practice for drawing straight lines without a ruler, which is a great skill to have when freehand city drawing.)

Before hopping right into drawing people you can try doing some quick gesture drawings. Line of Action has timed sessions with a large variety of clothed or nude models. I usually do the 30 min class as it has a nice balance of short and long timed poses. The point isn't to draw nice art, but to warm up. Try to get the basic form down, not the details. I find that doing a full class session can really help my drawings feel more loose and grounded in reality for the rest of the day.

Some examples I found in my folders. I suggest looking into what a line of action (not the site) is and giving it a try with some of the studies!

COOLDOWNS!

For sports it's to return your body back to your everyday baseline after a workout.

Example; you are working on a big project! A masterpiece! It's detailed and cool! You have been focusing on this for hours and drawing so intensely. But you need to stop working for the day.

A cooldown is for winding down out of the go go go mindset. Put away the big project and do a couple small doodles and sketches. You are relaxing your hand and letting it stretch out. Keep the sketches loose. Let the art happen slowly. Don't polish anything, that can happen another day. Just ease yourself out of drawing.

...

Cool! Now we get into the meat of this thing.

HAND PAIN

How to avoid it and how to manage it if you already have it.

I love you artists and creatives, I am begging you to please take care of your most important creative tools. I really don't want this to sound like scare tactics like "oooh you better do this or blah blah!" Nope. I just had to learn all this the hard way and I'm extremely passionate about it.

Take this advice or don’t ╮(ﾟ～ﾟ;)╭ I can't tell you what to do, I'm not your dad

Adjustments and Small Solutions

If you are feeling physical discomfort while drawing there are many different solutions to try! Here are some suggestions that may or may not work for you.

Hold your pencil more loosely. Stop gripping that thang so tightly!!! Relax that hand! They make these… squishy pen grip things... I think they are called Adaptive Pencil Grips or Adaptive Writing/Drawing Aids? They stop your hand from being all cramped up by making your drawing tool wider. It's going to take a bit of time to adjust to drawing with it, but it's worth it for those who hold pencils too tightly.

Don't press as heavily. For traditional art, if you find yourself pressing really hard to get darker lines try moving to a softer pencil. Most standard pencils are HB, the B pencils have softer graphite. Experiment until you find the right one for you. For Digital, adjust your pressure settings so you don't have to press as hard to get thicker lines. You should not be pressing so hard all the time, it wears out both your hand and your tablet! It takes a bit of time to adapt to pencil or pressure changes. Try doing some unimportant sketches, they don't have to be good. You are just training your hand and mind to adjust using less pressure.

Draw with your arm and not your wrist! It's small repetitive motions that cause the most strain. You probably hear this one a lot, what does it even mean? It means moving your arm with the motions of your line, and trying not to make too many tiny movements with your just your fingers or wrist. This one is hard! It takes time and conscious thought to change the habit. Tips? Work bigger. Zoom in more. Use bigger sheets of paper.

(Motions exaggerated for a clearer example)

Change the angle of your drawing surface. They make angled tablet holders, angled desks, angled desktop raisers. Experiment, find and angle that is comfortable and the one that causes the least pain. (It's also good to make sure you don't have to hold your head at an uncomfortable angle when drawing. Staring straight down or hunching over a paper flat on the table can cause pain!)

Compression Glove? Wrist brace/tensioners? Some folks use them and I've been thinking of getting one for years now. I can't give advice on this one, because I don't have experience with it. Look into it if you want!

Managing Pain

First things first.

IF YOUR HANDS START TO HURT WHILE YOU ARE DRAWING. STOP! Put the pencil/pen/paintbrush/whatever down. The art will still be there for you to continue tomorrow.

I know from experience that it's extremely hard to pull away when you are hyper focused on an art piece. It's hard to remember all sorts of basic needs like food or bathroom when hyper focused. But you Need to stop when you feel that pain. (Preferably even before the pain…)

Take Breaks! Let your hands rest when you can. Just like a machine, if you don't schedule maintenance, the machine will schedule maintenance for you. Often that means having to wait a few days for it to return to functional. Best to take a day off from heavy usage or take an occasional 30 min break throughout the day to let your hands rest.

Stretching is important! Full body stretches are good; your arms, shoulders, neck, and spine are all connected, but I'm specifically talking about HAND and wrist stretching. There are a lot of stretches and massages for carpal tunnel and arthritis out there. I find they work for hand pain in general. Move into and out of each stretch slowly. Do not push a stretch if it hurts!! Be gentle!!

I am not a qualified professional and I will not be giving out specific stretches (that is beyond my personal comfort level). There are other artists out there who have made helpful stretching info-graphics which are cool, but I will not be because i don't want to be responsible for someone accidentally hurting themself. Ask your doctor for stretches & advice or look some up on your own.

Don't feel bad about forgetting to stretch frequently! Of course it is good to do it regularly and frequently, but I would be a hypocrite if I said that I remember to stretch daily. Setting timers for stop and stretch sessions can work for some people, but also doing stretches whenever you remember is fine! If you are sitting on the toilet you can idly do some hand stretches. On the bus? Laying in bed? At the beach? Do a couple stretches! Even just once a week is better than… nonce a week.

Using Cold or Heat to treat pain. If you really overdid it, put your hands in some cold water or wrap a cloth around an ice pack and apply it to your hand. Cold works best for me, but warmth works for others. This is just pain reduction and reducing inflammation from overuse! This is not a permanent solution.

If your hand hurts a lot! Frequently! Talk to your doctor? Idk mine has never given real advice. Just gently poked my hand and told me there isn't much to be done about it :/ but there are really good doctors out there who will care and give helpful advice!

Again. IF IT HURTS TO CONTINUE DRAWING. STOP DRAWING! This is not a "no pain no gain" type situation. Drawing so much that you hurt yourself isn't noble, it's just… limiting yourself. You only get one set of hands. These things are very handy to have.

Other Advice

Things I couldn't figure out how to fit into the earlier sections.

Your other hand can't handle the strain! Lets say you hurt your drawing hand... the other hand is right there free to use for art. Right? Wrong. Your other hand can't keep up with the demand, it hasn't been trained to the same extent as your dominant hand, it does not have the built up muscle. If you want to use that hand for drawing you are going to have to use it s l o w l y and train it bit by bit over a long period of time. When I tore a tendon in my right hand I decided to just keep drawing with my left and I got Really Good at it. It only took like two months before my left hand hurt too much to move. Then I had 0 functioning hands to pull up my pants. Not fun!!

People who draw on phones. That is extremely impressive! I'm amazed by the things people can create on such a small space. But phone artists are the ones I see most frequently mentioning hand pain. please please please make sure you are taking breaks. Would a stylus work instead of using a finger?

Outside of Drawing. Sometimes it's things outside of drawing that are causing the pain. For me there are multiple sources, but I also have tiny baby hands. Holding a phone too long causes pain. The handheld mode for my Switch causes A Lot of pain. The way my hand rests while typing on my laptop hurts! Playing tense videogames for too long hurts! Find the source of your pain and make some changes. The same things will apply to most; take regular breaks, do some stretches, and find soft things to prop up or rest your arms on.

Change your Artstyle. This one is more of a last resort. You might have to change your art style if you are getting sharp pains every time you draw. I loved drawing tight clean lines and many small fancy details, but drawing like that left me in so much pain at the end of the day. In 2023 I had to take the better part of year off from illustrations just to learn how to sketch and draw more loosely. I had to learn how to be gentle. To stop gripping my pencil so tightly. Learn! Adapt! You might discover a new style that you love even more!

A lot of this stuff gets more complicated in a work setting where you have to draw fast and long in order to get paid. Things like reducing your workload can help, but that can be... financially rough. But outside of that, it’s ok to be a slow artist. Going full steam and hurting yourself is not worth it.

Aaaaaanyway, thats all folks. Today's rant brought to you by me! The guy with chronic hand pain who always forgets to stretch! The guy who got frustrated with a sketch yesterday and decided to push to keep drawing for just one more hour! The guy who woke up this morning and had to spend 2 hours massaging and stretching their hands. The guy who probably shouldn't have typed all of this out because ooww ow ouch

If your hands do hurt, it's going to be ok! You don't need to be a speed demon who draws all the time. It's ok to take your time and take frequent breaks. You are going to do great things! Just be gentle with yourself...

[tetskuro]

𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇

content: when kita falls ill, a very rare occurrence, you nurse him back to health.

warnings: fluff, timeskip!kita, gn!reader, established relationship

character(s): kita shinsuke

word count: 748

a/n: i started writing this back in july and took a break from it but it's finally finished! kita shinsuke i love u

Illness avoided Kita like the plague. Forget the legendary Iron Wall of Date Tech; when it came to blocking unwanted attacks from invaders, Kita's immune system stood undefeated. Sure, in his childhood years, he'd fallen sick a couple of times—maybe a mild cough here and a common cold there. But nothing ever lasted more than a few days. He was taught to always prioritize his health and maintain a steady pace, never pushing himself to the point of foolishly overworking.

But alas, Kita was human too, and even he couldn't evade the mortal travails of falling ill.

"Shin, you're burning up!" you exclaimed one evening, pressing the back of your hand to his clammy forehead and cheeks. When he had returned home after tending to his crops all day, you immediately noticed that his face was oddly flushed. And you weren't the cause—not this time at least.

"Felt an oncomin' fever late last night 'n I thought I could sleep it off," Kita admitted. "But it got worse today. I was just about ta make myself some tea 'n go rest." He sluggishly stepped towards the kitchen, his feet leaden with weariness.

"No," you stated, stopping him in his tracks. "You go get ready for bed, and I'll bring you tea. Chamomile, right?"

Kita looked like he was about to protest but wisely decided against it when he saw the resolute expression fixed on your features. Instead, he nodded wordlessly and headed to your shared bedroom. He peeled off his work clothes slowly, the aching sensation from the raging fever and toil of labor finally settling deep in his muscles and bones.

A few moments later once Kita had tucked himself under the covers, you entered the room with the promised tea in one hand and a damp washcloth in the other. His heart stuttered in his chest. In his feverish haze, you appeared as an angel to him—an otherworldly being sent from above whom he was honored to even lay eyes upon. The soft lamplight gave your figure a heavenly glow. Your movements were light, and your beauty was breathtaking. Kita wasn't an overly sappy person, but he thought he could be cured just by looking at you.

You sat down at the edge of the bed, and he gratefully accepted the mug of chamomile tea. He cradled the warmth in his hands and observed you over the rim of the mug.

"Thank ya, dear." Kita took small sips, careful not to burn his tongue.

Once you confirmed that Kita was as comfortable as he could be despite his fever, your mouth set into a thin, disapproving line. "You should've told me you weren't feeling well earlier. What if you had passed out in the middle of the field?" Concern was etched on your face, and Kita felt a wave of guilt wash over him. It wasn't fair to you, and the last thing he wanted to do was to make you worry.

"'m sorry," he expressed, sincerity evident in his eyes. "I didn't think it'd get this bad. It won't happen again."

Your features softened at his apology. "You always take care of me when I'm sick, so let me return the favor."

Brushing his hair back, you placed the damp cloth on his forehead. The cool water—and your gentle touch—did wonders for his pounding headache, a soothing feeling traveling throughout his entire body.

Apparently, sickness and drowsiness caused Kita's sentimentality to overflow. You knew he expressed affection in his own ways, typically through thoughtful gestures and everyday acts of service, but his current ailment made his words more unfiltered. Kita mumbled, "Darlin', yer too sweet to me. Yer an angel, y'know? What did I ever do ta deserve ya?"

Heat rose to your face at Kita's straightforwardness. "I could say the same for you," you replied and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Don't do that, yer gonna get sick too," he chastised, frowning at your impulsivity though his cheeks turned imperceptibly redder. Who knew Kita could be so adorable when he was sick?

"Get some rest," you whispered while fighting to hide a smile. Empty mug and washcloth in hand, you made sure Kita was snugly tucked in one last time before turning off the lights. "Goodnight, Shin."

The last thing Kita heard before falling asleep was your voice sweetly calling out to him. Mentally, he vowed to always take care of you in sickness and in health.

for more works, check out my masterlist

© tetskuro 2024. please do not repost or modify my work.

[111ikuyuh]

. "Nahh...ima do my own thing" .

a small post but an important one I think! So please read (plus the design is pretty I bet)

Take what resonates. That's the point of this post. So...by the law of infinity, everything is limitless. Including the idea of shifting and manifesting itself. Everything is subjective to a person. Like for example I always hated being told to ignore my 3d because I don't enjoy my life here and it bothers me. How could I literally ignore that? And people telling me to ignore the 3d but still feel your feelings or whatever crap just didn't mix well with me. So I gave up on it. because it didn't resonate. All it did was make things worse for me mentally. Or people going super deep into manifesting like talking about the ego or sum. That annoyed me too. So I ignored it and those posts. And kinda got off Tumblr a little. Was still on it but for a few minutes everyday. Then I started to remind myself if everything is infinite then shifting itself has no rules. And I could take miles Morales advice and go "nahh...ima do my own thing". Straight up.

Someone tells you some complicated thing about manifesting that you don't get but every one else seems too and loves that post. Do you wanna believe that? do you feel like stressing yourself out over it? Fuck it then. Skipppp. Someone tells you you can't "overconsume" and it will mess with you? Ew gross...skipppp. Someone says your god and for some reason you may not like that? Skipppp...someone tells you you have to ignore your 3d and everything you feel to manifest? Skippp. Someone tells you that what I'm saying is crap and isn't how manifesting works? Do you wanna believe that? Do you even FEEL like caring? Skippppp as well.

Look...I don't care if you disagree but my point is, if something affects you badly, don't associate with it. Everything is infinite so make your own rules. Including what shifting and manifesting is to you. This is coming from someone who recently shifted and got it confirmed by a tarot reader TWICE. Mini shifted...But still counts! So I think I have some knowledge...also been studying this for 2 years. Take what resonates. hopefully this makes sense

xoxo, seifarria signed out♥♥

[nipuni]

Blog time Hello! We are back from our trip! I'd say I'm feeling refreshed but coming back to sweltering dry heat shut down that feeling very quickly. Now we are even more determined to move to the seaside within the year though 🏃‍♀️ It's incredible how much of an effect on your health the weather can have. These days we have been hiking for around 8 hours a day in the mountains and coast without breaking a sweat in 17-22ºc high humidity weather. In contrast, today back home we walked to the store five streets away in a dry 33ºc sun and we felt like throwing up and never leaving the house again lmao and it only gets much worse until september aaaa I can't wait to move out of the city and start a new colder and quieter phase of life where I don't have to dread the coming of summer every year!! But at the same time I've been feeling this trepidation about settling down somewhere permanently, I realized that every 5 years or so I get the itch to move somewhere new and it worries me a bit tbh, I hope it is just my fear of commitment acting up and the fact that we just haven't found the right place yet. And the longer we spend in this place the more we feel like it will be the right one so I'm hopeful!

We have also been watching more of David's filmography! we watched Des, Single Father, Recovery, Bad Samaritan and Deadwater Fell. We enjoyed Recovery, Single father and Deadwater Fell the most, all were really good!! then Des was decent and Bad Samaritan was terrible. But as expected David steals the show every time and you end up sitting through the most ridiculous scripts just to see him give it his all and elevate the whole thing with every scene lmao the sheer range of this man!! let me gush for a second, he goes from the most charming and pitiful train wreck you would kill to protect to the most terrifying monster of a person so effortlessly you can hardly tell it's the same actor. He is so outstandingly good at every role!! Anyway I love watching our little shows of our favourite guy with Nicolas everyday, it has been the highlight of my year 🥰

I've also been meaning to get back into games but I just can't find the right one! I tried the whole cozy farming/survival/sandbox game thing and came to the conclusion that it's not for me, I don't find them engaging enough so it ends up feeling like a time sink 😞 I also thought of going back to FFXIV but the new expansion doesn't sound like something I would really enjoy and while I love RPG I'm finding it hard to commit to 40+ hours of storyline lately, BG3, Cyberpunk 2077 and Disco Elysium have been sitting in my library for ages now and I can't bring myself to play them even tho I want to!! I'm hoping DA4 will get me back into the RPG mood. I've also played Hades II but I'm all out of content until release! Maybe shooters will do the trick, something fast paced I can play for a little bit as a distraction from work. I've been meaning to check how Warframe is doing too, I love it and haven't played in ages, and every time I check it's like a completely different game so that could be fun! but I'm rambling now, if you have any game recommendations let me know! I hope you are all doing well 😊 I'll get back to drawing now and will share some sea pictures later!

[tinybeetiny]

Too Much: J.Y

YunhoxReader

Angst

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Masterlist | Ateez Masterlist

You don't know where everything went wrong but the shift was very noticeable, everyone saw it except him. It started off with little things like taking hours even days to respond to your messages, but he's busy so you tried not to worry too much about it. Soon it turned into feeling alone even when you're with him, you can count the amount of times he spoken to you in the past few weeks on one hand. You don't even remember the last time you guys went on an actual date, you seem to hang out with San more than your actual boyfriend.

Hearing the front door open you look over seeing a tired Yunho walking in. He doesn't even look your way as he takes his shoes off and heads to his room "hey YuYu! How was your day?" You ask trying to see if he actually wants to converse today. He shrugs and continues walking. You sighed "I wish you would actually talk to me Yunho, I've barely talked to you in weeks, I know you're busy but it feels like I'm not important to you anymore" you say trying to get him to at least look at you.

You hear him huff out in frustration, finally turning towards you "Why do you always have to freak out about this stuff, I'm busy and you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started dating me" he said sounding drained. "I know YuYu but I just miss you a lot and I just want to spend a couple minutes with you" you didn't like to beg but you didn’t know what else to do "you see me everyday I don't know what more you want from me" Yunho started to walk towards his room not wanting to talk about this anymore. Frustrated tears started to form in your eyes. Feeling defeated you sit back down on the couch, dropping the subject to appease him.

When Yunho got to his room he started feeling guilty, he didn't mean to make to come off the way he did. He had a horrible day in the studio but he didn't want to drag you into everything, he knows you just want to help and spend time with him which makes him feel even worse but he can't explain it. He loves you a lot, he just feels like he has too much going on. After changing and showering he decided to sleep it off, maybe then he'd feel better and you guys could go to this new gimbap shop he saw on the way home.

Jongho was the next to come home. Seeing you sitting on the couch alone, he already knew. Even though he was younger than you he always seemed much more mature and he always had such great advice. After removing his shoes he accompanied you. "You know we all care about you and we would be devastated to see you leave but you have to do what makes you happy. I know he loves you and he does have a lot going on but I'll understand if you don't want to continue" he said giving you a small smile before standing and walking off to his room.

You were left by yourself again and in the silence. For awhile you had gotten used to it seeing as that's all you get from Yunho but eventually even the silence became too much. Making the hardest decisions you thought you'd ever have to make, you couldn't stop the tears from streaming as your wrote your heart out. You didn't have the courage to tell him face to face so after carefully gathering the things you had left over the months you placed the note on his nightstand for him to see when he woke up. Tiptoeing through the apartment hoping you didn't draw attention to yourself but right as you went to open the front door Mingi walked in. Noticing the bags your hand he sighed with knowing eyes.

To my YuYu,

From the moment I met you I knew you were the one for me. You were everything I was looking for,for years. You know everything about me and I thought I knew you. You were my best friend, my whole world but recently it felt like I've been having to beg for your attention and when I get it we always argue. I can't continue putting myself through this, I love you more than words will ever express but for the sake of both of us I need to let you go. I will treasure every memory we made and every minute we spent together. I pray you find someone who you'll love the way I love you. I will always support you but I just cannot be with you. I will miss the guys so much, they grew to be the brothers I never had. Thank you for everything, I will forever cherish you.

-(Y/N)

please understand this is not how I think Yunho is in real life. I literally love him so much he's such a sunshine boy and I think that's why I chose him for this because it just seems like something out of character I guess 🥲🥲 I'm sorry if this feels incomplete I know I kept this kind of... not open ended but if you want a couple different endings let me know!!! I've been feeling bleh recently and it gave me the much needed cry I've been waiting for. If you all are ever needed someone to talk to I'm always here, please remember that ❤️

[reyesranch]

I feel like atp even if there were plans to make bvddie canon theyre gone now. if tim minear is even half as petty as I am he would see that reaction and go u know what fuck you u actually don't get what you want now cause ur acting so goddamn entitled. like when tarlos fans got mad about the deleted scenes instead of appreciating them being released and his reaction was to say "okay fine then I just won't release deleted scenes anymore" (like I'm sure it was mostly a marketing decision but part of me thinks they intentionally released a scene about bucktommy just to prove a point.) idk man it's just really upsetting as a bi man to see the absolutely vile shit bvddie stans are saying and even tho I love the ship I now never want it to go canon cause they've fuckin ruined it

hey anon, at first let me agree with the fact that i do in fact also love bvddie a lot and i still love reading fics for them, the edits of them are fantastic and the fanart is S tier. it’s a great pairing with a lot of potential there IF the writers decided to ever go there but…

huge answer below

yeah, i agree. i honestly think before tommy was introduced again in 7x03 and the kiss in 7x04 that in my brain, bvddie was the most logical endgame for buck until it wasn’t.

i came into the show shipping bvddie much like a lot of new fans to the show but instead of hopping onto the tommy anti express hate train i found myself falling in love with buck and tommy together. at first i was still on board with bvddie still being endgame but as each episode aired after 7x04 i became faced with the reality of the situation (at least the way i see it) that bvddie might always be fanon and that’s ok because fandom keeps ships alive whether they’re canon or not. some of the biggest ships EVER are non-canon (i mean, cmon spirk? one of the OG MM ships?) so it didn’t really deter me from enjoying bvddie to this day. what HAS deterred me from interacting with bvddie content is toxic bvddies. i don’t like using the lil nicknames, idc if other ppl do, whatever, but i prefer just referring to certain kinds as just toxic plain and simple.

toxic shippers have made it difficult for anyone who multiships to interact with bvddie content. while there are incredibly nice & welcoming bvddie endgamers out there, it doesn’t overshadow the hateful ones in my online experience at least. i’ve blocked so many ppl over this ship discourse, which ive never had to do with any other fandom before the extent i have with 911. everyday i still find new ppl to block, you go under almost any comment section on the 911 insta and its filled with nasty comments abt tommy and only caring abt whether bvddie will be canon in s8. people projecting their hatred of tommy/lou onto the cast/crew of the show when it’s be said and proven time and time again that it’s quite the opposite. now im certain there’s bad apples in the bucktommy side as well, but from what ive seen online so far it is not nearly to the caliber of the bvddie side. ive blocked maybe a handful of bucktommy’s for being hateful towards eddie or being toxic overall, but ive probably blocked over 100+ toxic bvddies. i can only imagine it’d be worse if i was active on 911 twt which i’m not (thank god) but i have ventured into the tags before on there and let me tell you, it’s fucking horrifying how gross ppl are over there. twt is a cesspool for fandom anyways tho, the fucking asshole of fandom, it’s a septic tank really.

now im my own opinion which could be completely untrue of course, but just basing my thoughts on what i’ve seen online and interviews and such, tim seems to be really happy about bucktommy and idk how ppl believe otherwise. tim has expressed he loves LFJ and wanted him back on the show. tim showed up on set for the kiss scene. tim posting an entire youtube vibe abt bucktommy being soulmates that touches on the invisible string theory and explains how they accidentally found buck’s perfect match. tim sharing the deleted tommy scene is also huge but im waiting to see if he releases more (because i remember seen somewhere that he said there’d be more?) and if he does then great but it’s also still pretty telling to me after the whole karaoke fiasco.

oliver has said nothing but praises towards buck’s queer storyline. he quite literally said if you dont like it then watch something else. despite ppl saying he’s never interacted with bucktommy content online, that’s a lie because he has liked fanart of them.

aisha, kenneth & tracie have all expressed how they like tommy/lou and love working with him.

jlh said she loved bvddie before but is excited to see where buck and tommy go and then on an insta live said she doesn’t think bvddie is happening and was bombarded by toxic fans to the point of ending the live early.

ppl think it’s all some ruse to make it seem like bvddie is never happening so when it does happen it’s a “surprise” ……..

the nasty hate comments are doing nothing but exposing these types of ppl for who they are and that honestly to them, 911 is just the bvddie show to them. the people who run these social media accs for 911 are looking at these comments and cringing, they aren’t running to tim and abc being like “we must give these crazies what they want!” they’re mostly likely being ignored or honestly, as you said, being looked at and just reinforcing their decision to most likely make tommy buck’s endgame so as long as his schedule is open for filming.

what gets me the most about the hate these types of shippers spew online is how they aren’t embarrassed because they are so sooo convinced they will be right one day and therefore their insane, nasty behavior online will be justified. oliver stark literally left twt because of fans like this, people act like he was joking around, that he was shooting the shit probably because ��he’s british and british people just have that kind of humor” which yes to a certain extent but let me just add these posts to set an example to why if oliver were still on twt he absolutely would not be happy with the way toxic bvddies are acting right now.

oliver (and ryan&other cast too) being positive abt bvddie never meant it was going to be canon of become canon one day. they do not decide these things, whether they believe it should or not. a lot of bvddie shippers come from previous fandoms where queerbaiting was there, where they were made fun of by actors of their ships, by the creators of the show! so i understand the frustration but oliver is not queerbaiting and buck is not a queerbait character when he quite literally is now confirmed bisexual and in a relationship with a man.

he’s just not the “correct” queer to these people. despite headcanons (hell even i hc eddie as queer!!) eddie so far, in canon, is not queer. by the end s7 he is still shown to not be over shannon and ruins his relationship with his son over this. ryan has stated in interviews he sees eddie as heterosexual, possibly pushing this because of the influx of ship discourse, and he’s glad to see a vulnerable and deep friendship that buck and eddie can have as a straight man and a queer man and how important he thinks it is.

every single thing that points to bvddie never going canon is like they’re being shot point blank in the chest. i get it, your ship not becoming canon sucks, but again, that is what fandom is for! shipping has never been about how canon smth is, there is 20k fics out there for bvddie and they aren’t canon. they can turn that into 40k, 100k, 1M if they really wanted to! instead they use their time and energy posting death threats, wishing death upon a gay character, bullying ppl online for enjoying a ship.

meanwhile from what ive seen bucktommys are rolling with goofy ass spy tommy theories created by antis and making jokes for our own fun.

so yes, i agree overall. they truly don’t deserve what they think they do. we didn’t whine and scream for a deleted scene. they did. we got ours without even expecting it and are having fun.

maybe if they behaved better i wouldn’t be so petty abt it. it’s a shame because of how much potential it has, unfortunately it is just not going that way atm. and even if it does one day, it is not because they paraded online with hate, it is because that’s the story tim and the others wanted to write and abc approved it.

🫳🎤

[gothamite-rambler]

What Odysseus should've added

Calypso: I'm not sorry for loving you!

Odysseus: Cal-

Calypso: Let me speak!

Odysseus blinks in response with a look that expressed how done he was with this.

Much later into the song.

Calypso: I wish you would lie and say-

Odysseus: I love you.

Calypso: Really?

Odysseus: I love you for being someone who housed me when I was injured, but that's it and honestly away from that if I became a widow and you showed up to my doorstep saying I can be with your crazy ass I would spin kick you to the ground! You imprisoned me here for 7 YEARS! Like okay, we didn't have sex, I was vocal as Hades playground of that, but I begged you to let me leave almost everyday. I would sleep all day to escape to a fantasy world away from you. One time I dreamed about being stabbed by Poseidon... and I wanted that over being with you! Like can you not take no for a fucking answer?!

Calypso (pouting): I'm a victim too though, I was stuck here for-

Odysseus: Oh my Zeus, Athena and Helios, I get it and I feel bad for you, but feeling bad for you doesn't excuse what you put me through, that you wouldn't let me leave!

Calypso: To be fair-

Odysseus: Don't give me that couldn't contact the Gods, I know how they work and to be honest... you and Zeus should talk because you'd be great friends! Two people who have no basic understanding of consent, take a hint, taking people verbally shouting I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU is not CONSENT! This song is good though, but for you (and anyone who has heard this song) you're saying everything that isn't taking accountability with a portrayal of you being a bigger victim than me?! I saw my friends die! I chose to let the rest of my crew die! I'm pretty sure my wife is BALLS deep in some creep trying to be king and I miss ALL of my SON'S life! Being kidnapped by you has been the single worse 7 years of my life and if I die out in the ocean it will be better than you rambling about table mats for our 'future' kingdom and how our 2.5 kids will love the songs you sing!

Calypso (sobbing): Well what am I supposed to do then?

Odysseus (sighing): Talk to the Gods! Now as for me, I got a kingdom to get back to. It was ni- I can't lie. Thanks for the housing and food and I'll even say stopping me from killing myself. That's it. Bye forever.

Song resumes. Odysseus floats away on the boat.

Odysseus: She's a good singer. I won't take that from her.

[wrioelise]

⋆୨୧ ₊ﾟ mornings with him ⊹ɞ ↴

⤷ wriothesley x gn! reader

wc: 634

a/n: just a little scenario i thought of while trying to fall asleep! i'm like pretty sure this might be ooc but I can't help but imagine this after seeing the 4.1 trailer!

It’s early in the morning and you’re still dozing off in bed, the warm feeling the comforter provided and the pillows and the bed beneath you felt so soft and comfortable, the white noise that the ac provided, it all felt nice, especially when you’re engulfed in Wriothesley’s embrace.

As much as your lovely boyfriend would love to have a late and lazy morning with you, he really can’t. He needs to be at the Fortress of Meropide early in the morning. Apparently today ought to be busier than most (not like the other days weren’t). 

Wriothesley wasn’t in the best of moods, it’s not everyday he gets to spend most mornings with you and every time he thinks he can finally get to do so, it gets stripped away before him. He already has to leave early mornings but he despises it even more when he has to go much earlier, so he couldn’t really help but to get in a foul mood.

He didn’t think it could get any more worse than having to get up early, yet he was in for quite a ride. First, it seems like the shower is much more cold than usual just to spite him, the coffee maker in your shared apartment wouldn’t work properly, he can’t figure out where he placed his other pair of fingerless gloves, there was a small tear in his cape, his hair would not cooperate,  and for some reason he couldn’t tie his damned tie.

He sits down on the bed, a scowl visible on his features and he lets out a frustrated sigh as he undoes his tie for what seemed like the millionth time. And like magic you suddenly woke from your comfortable sleep, like you sensed his frustration or something.

You rub your eyes in an attempt to eliminate your drowsiness, you look out the window before looking back at your boyfriend who’s back is facing you.  You crawl out of bed and make your way to stand in front of him. You greet him in a soft tone, “Hi there darling.. Want some help hmm?”

He looks up at you and a small smile grazes his face, “ ‘m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up love, but that would be really nice to get a hand..”

You kiss his forehead before fixing his collar and you do his tie. While you’re doing his tie he can’t help but admire the way you look, you look so ethereal even though it’s early in the morning, he also can’t help but think that  the way your morning voice sounds is so hot. He’s too busy admiring the beauty in front of him he hasn’t noticed you’re done, until you kiss him once more. 

“There you go darling, all done” you say as you fix his top and you smile at him.

He takes both of your hands in his own and he kisses it, “Thank you so much love..”

You steal another kiss from him before saying, “It’s no biggie, need help with anything else?”

“No no it’s fine love I can handle myself”

“Hmm you also said that last night and look who’s frustrated just a few minutes ago, so lemme come and help, I don’t leave for work until later today anyways.”

He felt so lucky to have someone like you, your mere presence alone calms him down. He stands up and he holds your hand and you help him with the things he stressed on about.

Later that day he bought flowers and had them delivered to your workplace and it has a note which read: Thank you for today, yesterday, and every other day that was and will come.I love you darling.

He’s down bad for you just as you are for him!

a friendly reminder to check out my other blogs, it's in my pinned post hehe (such a shameless plug HAHAHA)

૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა thank you for taking time out of your day to read my works, I really appreciate it and I hope you have a great rest of your day/evening/night! ♡

© 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐎 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐— do not plagiarize, repost or translate any works onto other sites.

[tan1shere]

Ellie x anxious reader !

A/n: hi my beautiful people, it's currently 3 am.. and I have work in a few hours but we won't talk about that 😍 got this little idea since I'm an overly anxious person. Mine always creeps up righttt when I'm about to sleep, if you're like me. I get you, and honestly I hope some of you are so I don't feel so alone. Or whether you get it any time of the day (ditto, I just get it worse at night.) This one's for you !! Anyways, enjoy :)

Masterlist

♤ Your anxiety came in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Any time, all day sometimes everyday. It's always going to be there, but you've tried to learn to control it. Buttt when that's not the case your loving girlfriend is always there to ease your pesky brain.

♤ It would always happen at night, when you'd get off to sleep, at first you kept silent. You didn't want to bother, nor be a nuisance towards Ellie, but one night she noticed something off about you.

- you were stalling, making up excuses of things you forgot to do that day.

"Shit, the laundry-"

"Bubba, you can always do it tomorrow. Come lay down with me sweetheart."

- her gentle tone soon got to you and you told her.

"What's gotten into you?"

- the look she gave you was pure worry, concerned for your frantic behavior. Then when you kept inhaling these breaths, making then end in slight sighs she just needed to get whatever it was out of you.

"M-my-"

- you shake your head, you felt so stupid, you begin to put your head on your hands, she pries them away so softly, getting you to look at her as she placed her soft fingers on your cheek.

"Talk to me. Please? It's hurting me knowing something is bothering you so much."

- you could tell she meant it. You always felt like no one did, feeling silly about your anxiety, as that's what others made you think. That you were just being dramatic. A baby. You let out another breath.

"I get really anxious, about heaps of things, to the point where my brain feels like its on fire and I can't focus on anything properly. It gets worse at night time, so I try to make myself tired, knowing that if I lay down wide awake my thoughts will scatter."

- she listens carefully to what you have to say, she was always such a good listener.

"Why didn't you tell me baby."

"I was scared you'd think I was pathetic.."

- your head lowers but she immediately stops that from happening. Her eyes on yours as she begins to speak in a soft tone.

"You, my girl. Are one of the most bravest woman I know. To have to deal with such a thing all the time is huge, and the fact that I've never even witnessed it shows how truly brave you are. Though I wish you told me sooner, its awful holding such things in."

- her hand never leaves your face stroking your cheek. You melt into her touch, her voice and presence making you sleepy. Maybe that's all you needed? Her?

"I love you, Els."

"I love you so much more angel."

♤ One technique she uses on you is the 5 things game. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Which is always water that she gets for you.

- Youd just been having a panic attack, your emotions, your brain going mental. You felt like you couldn't breathe. When she heard something fall in the kitchen she came racing over to you. Your vision incredibly blury with a mixture of tears and whiteness from the light headedness.

"Hey hey, eyes on me."

- her voice was like silk, still in desperate need to calm you down.

"Come on baby."

- she would encourage you, moving your hand to her chest, trying to get you to calm down a tiny bit before she continued.

"5 things you can see."

- you'd take a second to respond not knowing if you could get words out, let alone forming a sentence.

"You.. *gulp* th- that glass.. that I just broke.."

- she didn't stop you rambling, the more words the better. She needed your mind far gone from any other thoughts.

"The counter, the sink. The early morning sky."

"Good good, 4 things you can feel. You got this mama."

- it'd keep going until you got to the last one, your brain was far from the original problem by then, but she needed you hydrated, knowing your mouth was also incredibly dry.

"Last but not least, one thing you can taste?"

- she grabs a fresh glass pouring water into it, giving it to you to drink. You take a good sip, letting it wet your mouth feeling so much more calm now.

"Water."

"That's my girl."

- she would always say that, making a smile spread across your face, you always felt so safe with her.

♤ Another one she will do on occasion is hold your hand gently, playing with your fingers and or rubbing small circles on your palm. Even when she holds your hand she will rub her thumb on the back of it. It distract you, calms you down. Especially if you're talking to someone, not only are you anxious but you're just genuinely awkward, so sometimes you freak out when talking to people. That's when she will grab it, letting you know she's there with you and there's nothing to worry about.

♤ yawning. You would always yawn when you felt short of breath, whenever you felt uneasy in your chest yawning seemed to help with that. Ellies noticed all your techniques over the years of being with you. Sometimes it made her feel like she couldn't help you in any way and it got to her, you'd assure her that you were fine but she knows that was far from the truth.

♤ so she studied your helping mechanisms, one was something hot on your chest, like a heating pack. It calmed you right down. Ellie even Googled some other things to try help. She once noticed after you had drunk a little bit that the type of alcohol seemed to make you sleepy.

- she was typing away at her computer when she came across something that said some alcohols can get you sleepy.

"Whatcha doin Els?"

- your soft voice was heard as you enter the room, her eyes meet yours.

"Just some research baby."

-she flashes you a smile, going to continue. You return the smile, going out the room to leave her be. As she continues to read articles, she found a home remedy to help with sleep, and anxiety. It was quite simple. Ellie came back downstairs and began to make it in a tiny bottle. She also read lavender was good for sleep, grabbing some oil of the scent from the cupboard, and putting a bit on the heating pack.

-you were in the living room, watching TV when she comes in super happy. Finally she could help you.

"What's this?"

"I made some things to help you sleep. These drops will help, put three on your tongue every night, and this heat pack. Which! Has some lavender oil rubbed into it."

- she ends her explanation off with a toothy smile, feeling so proud of herself. It only made you smile, feeling the secure feeling you'd always feel with her. She truly was your world.

:))

[thecameronchronicles]

Sunkissed

TW: mentions of self image issues. Angst. Heavy flirting.

SUMMARY: JJ reminds you just how beautiful he knows you are.

REQUESTED:

Anonymous Asked

Hey sooo glad ur back ☺️⭐️💗💛 idk if u take request but I love ur body positivity fics could u maybe write one with JJ and chubby reader ??☺️☺️:)))

Sunkissed

"Maybe you should just go without me..." You try to hide the disappointment in your own words but it weighs them beyond the attempt. Your eyes fall and yet JJ comes up behind you, lips on your shoulder as it worsens the tightness in your heart.

"Did you get too hot on the Pogue, princess?"

"No...I..."

"Do you need some water? Here..." He offers his and your chest tightens. Not once has your boyfriend ever made you question your worth in the curves of your figure. But being surrounded by those that are a stark contrast to that society claims you should be, you feel inadequate.

"What is it sweetheart?" He asks a hand to your waist as you shuffle away without drawing immediate attention. You pretend to need something from the cooler although the diversion only makes you feel worse when you look over your shoulder and see JJ setting his hand over his chest, a telltale sign his own anxiety was getting the best of him.

"Are you...happy?" You move quickly to him.

"You make me the happiest I've been been, JJ-"

"So if you aren't dumping me and you know I'm crazy about you, why are you acting so...distant?" He steps closer, taking your hands in his. The warm comfort, slightly calloused from the odd jobs to make ends meet, it makes you exhale in the remembrance he matters more than the thoughts in your head. It's the laughter of Sarah Cameron and Kiara Carrera that make you compare yourself again.

He slowly nods before taking your hand and leading you into the Chateau.

"JJ-"

"What is it? I wanna hear you say it."

"J-"

"Y/N. Tell me." You stand in his room, the one practically gifted to you and him by John B as you linger.

"I just...don't wanna be around them in my swimsuit."

"Good."

Your eyes water and your brows fall.

"I don't want you in your swimsuit around anyone else either. I don't want them to see how smooth and beautiful your skin is or the shape of your-" he bites his back teeth. "I have to constantly remind myself to be better for you because better is what you deserve, princess, but it takes everything I have to not either mark up your skin with my teeth and leave proof you belong to me or punch out the lights of any guy-or girl- that looks at what's mine."

"JJ..." You shake off the thought as you know his kindness has always been that. Kind. You worry being with you is a novelty. A kink even. And even if he's tender and rebellious, passionate and eager, you're worried it'll fade with either summer or the fade of interest.

"You wanna know something? I am not going to say I don't care about your body because honestly it makes me hard as hell. But what really makes me just..." He sighs, repressing something between desire and the need to prove, as he takes a step closer to you.

"What really makes me love you is that you look at me. Not through me. Not to judge me. You go along with all my jokes and pranks, you were there when everything with my dad-" he paused, you step closer when you see how it effects him.

"You know when to be strong and when to let me do that for you. You touch me and I feel like I can't control my hands...or my eyes- my mouth. I want you. I love you. But if I'm being completely honest, Y/N. What I want right now? Is you out of this swimsuit. You're right. You shouldn't wear it. Because it makes me fucking crazy and I'm already one day closer for being committed for it."

You stand in awe, his words poetic for someone who insists you read him the books he gets too bored to even try and crack open. You hate how he doesn't apply himself for what he's capable of and yet you set to prove it in how you support him everyday.

"JJ-"

"I mean it, sweetheart. I'll beg if I have to. But suit. Off." You swallow hard as he closes the door and you understand one thing as his eyes darken in lust.

Before him you were swallowed by the darkness of your insecurities. Being with JJ is like being beneath the sun. Touched and basking in its rays, you forget the worries outside of it. You are kissed by the sun, loved by it- by him. You feel the strength of his love in every touch and the confirmation of his desire by the hold of his eyes on you in any distance when you aren't in his arms.

There is no question of love. And for the days you cannot feel that for yourself, JJ reminds you every reason why you will.

One sunny kiss at a time.

MASTERLIST

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fallen {Chapter One}

Alastor x (fem)Reader

Summery- Innocence meant nothing in a place like this. Here, innocence was weakness. It would only get you killed. And yet, it was craved by the most twisted and sinful of demons.

Innocence to them, was something to be tainted, corrupted, and ruined beyond saving. It gave them great pleasure to destroy that innocence.

And he was no different. To him, she was nothing more than a new form of entertainment. But even he, as demented and cruel as he was, could not ignore the feeling that slowly grew deep within his blackened heart.

"What have you done to me?"

I was once a woman of god, my faith unchanging and strong. Because of that, I was granted entry into the kingdom of heaven. However, it would not last.

I awoke in a dirty and dark alleyway, my whole body ached, my mind struggling to keep up. My eyes opened, and I was met with a most horrifying scene. Above me, in the blood red sky, was a giant pentagram that loomed over all. My heart sank upon realizing just where I was. Hell. I had landed myself in hell.

But, how? I was in heaven. I had earned it. I had been good. I've only ever been good. I was faithful and true. So why? I brought myself to a sit, as I did so, a sharp stab of agony shot up my back. I failed to hold back a cry of pain.

Looking back on myself, a gasp escaped me as I found the source of my pain. My wings were still there. Once neat soft white feathers, now messy and dirtied from the ground. But that was not the worse of it. What made my stomach lurch, what caused the horrible throbbing pain I could not ignore, was the broken joint on my left wing.

The bone jutting out from flesh, golden blood dripping down the feathers of my wing. The fact that I had wings at all was proof enough I actually was in heaven. That, and my long white and gold-trimmed dress. However, it only made my confusion grow. If I was in heaven, why am I here now?

I took a shaky breath before attempting to stand, however it would not happen so easily. I hissed out as I felt a sharpness in my legs. Looking down, I saw more of my blood leaking from the various cuts along my legs. One nasty deep gash in particular on my right calf. This wasn't good.

I was bound to be attacked by some loathsome demon if I didn't try to escape. Flying wasn't an option, and neither was walking it seemed. But if I didn't do something quick then-

"Well. What do we have here?"

My breath caught in my throat at the sudden voice. I looked up to see a rather tall, well dressed demon standing before me. His grin, filled with sharp teeth, made my skin crawl. His deep red eyes bore into my own. He looked at me as if I were his next meal, and in a place like this, I very well could be.

I kept my mouth shut, even if I wanted to talk, I couldn't bring myself to speak. So, he filled the silence himself. "I thought I had seen something a bit strange earlier. It's not everyday you see an angel falling from the sky! Well, not unless it's time for the yearly extermination. If that's what you're here for, I'm afraid your a tad too late." He said with a chuckle. Still I kept quiet, he continued.

"Though, you do not look like the usual exterminators. No, I don't think you are. How very interesting." He took a step closer to me. Finally my body reacted, I scramble to move back as he grew closer. My back hit the hard brick wall behind me, I wince at the pain I received by doing so.

My heart was beating out of my chest, tears gathering in my eyes. My reaction seemed to have been amusing to him, as his grin grew wider.

"Afraid?" He leans down, his face inches from my own. "You should be." I shut my eyes tightly as he moved his hand up to my face. Flinching as his clawed finger made contact with my skin. I felt him move a strand of my messily tangled hair out of my face, before his hand left me.

"A creature like you my dear, is just begging to be harmed in a place like this. Though, I don't entirely blame you. You appeared to be heavily injured." I dare to open my eyes, only to be met with his sharp gaze.

His eyes only left mine briefly to meet my broken wing, then down to my injured legs, then back up to my face. "Quite the fall you had." He chuckled. I only nod. That had to be right. I fell from heaven. It was the only explanation that made sense.

Why else would I be here? The demon stood straight again, looking over his shoulder for a moment before turning his attention back to me.

'I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity like this again.' He thought, his grin somehow growing even wider. "Tell me, what do you plan to do now? Surely you intend on leaving this horrid place, yes?" He questions. Of course I do. I don't want to be here any longer that I already have. I nod my head, words still failing me.

"It will be quite the challenge my dear. You can't fly, and no one leaves hell just like that." He says with a snap of his fingers. "What will you do?" An excellent question. What will I do? What could I do? Panic set in quickly as I realized that there was nothing I could do now. I was stuck here. I would never be able to leave this god forsaken place. The tears finally began to roll down my cheeks, my shoulders shook as I cried.

How could this have happened? Why was this happening? Perhaps I've done something wrong? Maybe I've upset god in some way? Is that why I'm here? I'm being punished? Is that it? The demon's voice caught my attention once more as he spoke.

"Oh, how I hate to see a lady cry." I could have sworn there was a hint of sincerity in his tone. But I would be a fool to think a demon could feel sympathy for anyone. "Perhaps, we should make a deal."

I wipe a few tears away before looking at him with a confused glance. "I'll try and find a way for you to return to heaven. And in return..." His expression grew dark and sinister. "All you have to do, is amuse me." Amuse him? My stomach churned at the thought of what a demon would find amusing.

I look up at the sky, the pentagram's glow stinging my eyes. Heaven was out of reach, but I yearned for nothing more than to return. The deal almost sounded tolerable. I look back at the demon and finally, I spoke.

"W-Will you hurt me?" My voice cracked. "Of course not!" The demon waved his hand, as if dismissing the thought. "I'm rather curious about you. And I can't have someone like you harmed. Your value topples almost over all here. Many demons would kill for a chance to obtain an angel such as yourself. That alone is enough for me to keep you in tact as much as possible." His words weren't comforting, that's for sure.

But he said he wouldn't hurt me. I think. I couldn't trust him, but what other choice do I have? I don't want to be stuck here forever. The demon offered his hand. "What do you say?" He asks as a faint green glow engulfed his hand.

I sigh before hesitantly taking his hand with my own. As our hands clasp, the glow engulfed mine as well and a sting could be felt throughout my palm causing me to wince. The glow grew brighter, I shut my eyes tightly to shield my eyes from it.

I missed the twisted smile from the demon, but I felt his hand tightening around my own slightly before the glow finally calmed down and went out. The demon let go of my hand, only to pick me up. I gasp as I felt myself being hoisted up into a bridal style carry.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him, so I kept my gaze down at his chest. "Hold on tight." He warns me. And before I knew what was happening, I felt a rush flow throughout my body. It was almost like the feeling you'd get when going down a steep drop on a rollercoaster. And suddenly, we were in a new location.

I look around and take in my surroundings. There was a rather nice looking home before me. Well, I could consider it nice if it didn't look...haunted. I could have sworn I saw a shadow move in one of the many windows. Surrounding the home was a swamp, the water was infested with gators.

But not normal ones. These gators were far larger, their scales an inky black, multiple sets of eyes glow a deep red, and their teeth abnormally sharp and long, stained with the blood of I didn't know what. The plant life was unnatural as well. While they were alive like normal plants, they were sentient.

Looking for some unfortunate passerby to feast upon. This being proven by a demonic version of a frog hopping by one, only to be snatched up and ripped apart. I look away, not wanting to watch as the sound of crunching and squishing filled my ears. The bugs were abnormally large too, and just as carnivorous as the other creatures of the swamp.

"Home sweet home." The demon sighs before walking up the porch stairs. He walks in, the inside completely dark at first before he steps through the threshold. Like magic, light filled the home. And once again, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, shadows retreating into darkness wherever they could find it.

"Now, let's get you patched up." The demon says as he heads up the stairs. He brings me to his bedroom and sets me carefully on the surprisingly soft and comfortable bed.

I tried to keep still, as not to irritate my wing any further. But nothing could ease the pain, I winced and hissed out sharply as another throb jolted my wing. I could have started crying again it hurt so bad. The demon took note of that before moving to my left. I watched him carefully, wary of what he would do next. He said he would patch me up, while that confused me, I still didn't trust his word.

"This might hurt. But do try to keep still." He says before moving his hand over the broken bone. I move away fearfully, a foolish thing to do. I cried as more pain shot up my wing and back. "What did I just say?" The demon sighed.

"What are you going to do?" I ask sharply. He didn't have anything that could properly set the bone, nothing to ease my pain. Did he intend to force it back? "I'm going to heal it. But I need you to sit. Still." The demon said sternly. Still noticing my hesitation, he rolled his eyes. "I will try to make this less painful as possible. Now, are you going to do as I say? Or are you going to just sit there, still in pain?"

I sighed heavily before doing as I was told. I shut my eyes tightly after I watch him move his hand back. Suddenly I felt a shift in my wing joint, but no pain followed as I had expected. After a moment or two, Alastor moved his hand away.

"There we go. All better." The demon says softly. While I felt no pain, I never felt more light headed. My stress finally caught with me and felt I just might actually pass out. My body began to fall forwards, but the demon caught me before I could fall completely. I go limp in his arms, my eyes lids drooping. I heard him chuckle before I felt him moving my body, he gently laid me on my back.

I look up at him with tired eyes, his grin remained the same. I got the feeling he was enjoying this, it made me more sick to think about it. "Try and relax. I'll work on your legs next." He tells you as he moves his hand down to hover over them. I then heard him laugh, before I could question him he spoke.

"My, how rude of me. I've yet to introduce myself. I suppose I've gotten use to everyone knowing who I am, that it slipped my mind." The demon glances at me, he spoke his name with the most charming of tones.

"My name is Alastor."

Alastor? It was such a nice sounding name for a demon. "And who do I have the pleasure of knowing?" I took a shaky breath before answering with a shaky and cracked voice. "Y/n." Alastor's grin soften for a moment as he spoke my name. "Y/n. What a lovely name."

It felt strange to hear a demon speaking my name. It felt wrong. Though, it wasn't any worse than actually making a deal with him. I close my eyes, and begged god for forgiveness. I hope god could forgive me for what I've done.

I only do this to return to god's light. That's all. Please...please understand. The more I thought about that deal, the worse I felt. I didn't want to think about it, but it would always be there. In the back of my mind, will forever be the guilt of my choice.

And I could only hope that whatever this deal would entail, wouldn't be as bad as I fear it would be.