#it gave me a migraine bc I worked on it so long

[agerefandomstuff]

This started as needing a break from writing. But I couldn’t find a clear version of this picture I wanted to edit so I simply decided I would just make it clear myself.…. By convincing myself that I can retrace the screen cap.

Because well… I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel here! I’m just trying to edit a pacifier on the wheel.

Also it’s Disney so the morals here are dubious anyway.

However that whole debacle then turned into adding a stuffie which meant changing the hand position which then somehow lead to making a whole new outfit. Bc regressor Lottie deserves to have a pretty ruffle butt onesie—

[dokyumms]

seventeen's reaction to you hiding an injury from them !

pairings: ot13 x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 2.2k (lowkey estimated bc word counter isn’t working)

cw: injuries (sprained wrist/ankle, concussions, etc.), blood mentioned but not descriptive (woozi) way too much backstory bc i'm a d1 yapper

a/n: for the record i've never sustained a major injury (thankfully!) besides when i dislocated my shoulder when i was 4 years old so this may not be accurate. SO sorry that this took so long i had a brain fart or smth 😔

scoups - you really didn't think he'd notice immediately, but he does. you accidentally rolled your ankle trying to catch the subway. it wasn't too bad; the doctor said you'd minorly sprained your ankle, but all it needed was a couple weeks in a splint.

so deciding it wasn't that big of a deal (and lowkey a win since you got to skip work), you didn't think of telling seungcheol because one, you didn't feel like listening to him scold you for staying up too late the night before, and two, he'd just gotten off tour. he didn't need to spend the next couple of weeks babying you over an injury that didn't even require surgery. in some attempt to hide it, you put on some sweatpants and slippers and call it a day.

but when he returns home from a day out and catches you instantly put down your leg from where you'd been elevating it on a footstool, he immediately grows suspicious of something. "why were you doing that just now?"

"eh? i think you're being paranoid- oh, um..." you try to play it off, but then he comes closer and inspects your body for a bit before pulling up your pant leg to reveal the splint surrounding your ankle despite your protests.

his eyes widen and he looks up at you from where he's kneeling. "you got hurt? when? why didn't you call me?" he asks rapidly. you sigh, listening to him scold you even more than what he would have if you'd told him earlier, finally promising him to never hide anything from him again.

jeonghan - basically, you slipped in the shower and gave yourself a concussion while jeonghan was at practice. out of pure embarrassment, you didn't tell jeonghan because let's be real, it sounded a little stupid and someone like him would never let you live it down.

and honestly, you thought you'd exceeded. jeonghan had come home and didn't mention anything to you, just complaining about how he hates all his choreography (he says this everytime he has to learn new choreo...). that was until you went to bed.

all is well, but then those massive headaches roll in one by one and now you're stuck with an unbearable migraine. trying not to disturb your boyfriend, you uncurl yourself from him and barely make your way to the kitchen.

the headache only gets worse as you fumble with the advil bottle while cursing your concussion aloud when suddenly a hand takes it and opens it. "here," you turn around, only to find jeonghan offering the bottle with a confused, sleepy look.

"and what were you muttering around? a concussion or something?" you gulp, taking the advil as you try to come up with an excuse. he takes your (literally three second) hesitation as an answer, "wait- you actually got a concussion?" avoiding the question, you attempt to usher him back to bed, but now he's somehow gained consciousness and doesn't back down. "y/n, what happened? and why didn't you tell me?" and when you finally tell him, he's... disappointed?

"baby, you really didn't tell me you got a concussion because you thought i'd make fun of you?" he sighs, shaking his head before putting his hands on your shoulder, "i'm your lover before a jokester or best friend, okay? i care about you more than anything. don't hide things like this from me."

joshua - in this situation, you would say "snitches get stitches" but the only one who actually got stitches was you.

you got a pretty bad arm wound while bike riding with your friend. it hurt and the only thing you really remembered was crying from the pain. anyways, joshua had just gotten off tour, and you'd feel bad for making him worry, so you made your friend promise to not mention it to him.

but the only warning you get when you return home from the hospital is a text from that same friend saying, "sorry y/n...." before you open the door and are greeted by a very worried joshua.

"y/n! i heard about your arm, are you okay?" you try to brush him off, but he doesn't let you. "hey, your friend also said you were going to try to hide it from me. why's that?"

"it's really not a big deal shua-"

"don't lie to me, she said you were crying, babe. why are you trying so hard to keep this from me?"

you don't know what to say and joshua just embraces you, "here, i'll take care of you okay?" and you let him, because it's joshua.

jun - ugh, he's so oblivious yet somehow annoyingly observant that he finds out without trying.

someone ran over your toe with a shopping cart during your grocery trip. it truly didn't hurt that much in the moment, but the hours after that? oh boy were they torturing.

it still didn't seem like enough to tell jun about, so you simply went about your day suffering in silence.

during dinner, however, he asks you through scoops of chinese steamed egg, "did you hurt your foot while shopping?"

taken aback by the accuracy of his question, you literally drop your spoon and he's just like, "what?? you just seem to be lighter on your feet today, that's all."

he takes the whole situation pretty lightly (oblivious i tell you) that he doesn't even believe you when you try to tell him the truth 😭 "okay, okay, you're just trying to make me seem smart now." so then you take off your sock at the dinner table and lift your bruised foot to show him and he looks at you like this: (°ロ°)

hoshi - unlike jun, he does NOT take it lightly. he's almost offended.

yes, you shouldn't be trying to walk around too much with a bad ankle, but you can't help it okay? sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, like walk hoshi's dog, latte, while he works on his album.

he's been really busy, okay? you never told him about how you tripped around a week ago, so you'd just been living as if it never happened. honestly it's no surprise that you kind of automatically accepted his sister's request without thinking of your ankle (that was praying you'd stop putting pressure on it).

but then you make the grave mistake of posting your walk on instagram with just a sliver of the bandage wrapping up your ankle. he literally hearts the story, removes it, and replies with an angry face.

he calls you, "y/n! what are you doing walking around with an obviously injured leg? and why am i finding out through your instagram story?"

you're not sure what to say, but he talks for you, "i'm leaving practice right now so i can take care of both my babies, don't move. you'll make your ankle worse, babe."

"right, because you'd know-" and he hangs up on you,

wonwoo - silently observant...

you were surprised that you'd been able to go this long with a cast around your wrist, only using hoodies to conceal it, but turns out wonwoo's like those shop employees who wait for people to steal $1000 worth of stuff before dropping that lawsuit on them.

one day, you're both just sitting on the couch when he grabs ahold of your wrist. he literally waits for you to be distracted, doomscrolling on social media, to do it.

but then you feel him roll up your sleeve, and now you're doomed.

"what's this, y/n?" he asks firmly, holding your arm tight enough to where you can't move, but somehow gently as to prevent any discomfort (how cute of him).

"you really didn't think i would notice it? you wearing hoodies when it's 70 degrees, eating with your nondominant hand, taking forever to shower because you have to wash your hair with one arm, why didn't you just let me take care of you?"

you sort of shrink back in shame; wonwoo read you and you were stunned. he simply takes you into his arms, murmuring, "i'm not mad, i just want you to know that you don't have to struggle like that when i'm here. i'll notice either way."

woozi - ouch. you accidentally cut yourself while cleaning up the remnants of a glass cup you dropped. the cut was deep, but somehow still in a sleepy daze, you cleaned it to the best of your ability, slapped some gauze on it, and went back to bed.

whenever jihoon comes home, he follows his normal 2 am schedule, but then notices the blood-stained towel in the hamper. he rushes to your room, only to find you sound asleep.

still, he shakes you awake, "y/n, why's there a towel with blood all over it in the laundry room?" you kind of look at him, confused, before simply lifting your arm to reveal the amateur work you did you bandage it.

at first, he sighs in relief, but then you see his brows furrow. "when did this happen? seems kinda serious..." he inspects it closely as you mumble, "i dunno, couple hours ago? i dropped something."

"what? why didn't you call me? i could've come home earlier to take care of it." he says, feeling guilty about not being there.

"it's really nothing, you've been really busy anyway. this isn't something you should worry about-" but he shushs you. "i'm never too busy to help you, y/n. i don't want you thinking like that."

dk - like hoshi, he doesn't take it lightly. you took a heavy fall while rushing to work a couple days ago. it wasn't a big deal until your arm started to bruise pretty badly.

you knew seokmin would freak out at it, so you planned on wearing long sleeve shirts to cover it up, and it'd been working pretty well.

but unfortunately for you, this had to be the time where you forgot to bring a shirt with you to shower, accidentally bringing two pairs of pants instead.

you tried to dash in and out of your room as fast as possible, but seokmin was plopped on your bed, getting a clear view of your arm (you had a towel wrapped around you okay?).

his jaw drops, you grab a shirt, water is dripping everywhere, and you yell “i’ll explain later!” as you run back to the bathroom.

when you come back, his jaw is still in the same position. “seok, it’s really not that bad.” you assure him, but he barely pays attention, just reaching for your arm. “it looks bad though…” he mumbles, poking at the bruise like a little kid, “that didn’t hurt, right?”

ugh, he’s so cute.

mingyu - you somehow manage to slice your hand open while cooking dinner for whenever mingyu comes home.

do you tell him? absolutely not. you definitely do not need him locking you out of the kitchen after you try to cook one time.

you really don’t have time to go to the hospital (which you definitely should’ve done??) so you opt to put some pressure on it with a towel until it stops bleeding, and because you have terrible timing, mingyu enters the apartment.

at first he says “smells pretty good! what are you-“ he strides into the kitchen to see the food you were unable to plate at the dining table (that actually looks pretty good), your distressed face, and then your hand.

“at least i got here on time,” he says, taking your hand and looking at it closely. “don’t worry, i was like trained for this stuff.” he smiles, heading toward what you used to think was an overstuffed medical cabinet.

“you didn’t even call me. were you planning to take care of this yourself?” he asks, wrapping your hand with precision. “i’m here for a reason, you know? you just gotta let me help you, baby.”

the8 - you had a feeling minghao would notice immediately, but there was a very slim chance he’d miss it this time. he’d just got done filming for his survival show, and you knew he’d be tired when he got home.

you’re a pretty clumsy person, and you always felt bad for making a usually calm minghao worried. so, when you tripped and got a concussion the day before, you didn’t tell him.

it was going fine, painkillers acting as your savior, but then you ran out of them. groaning, you decide to wait for minghao to leave the house to go buy more, but he doesn’t?

it’s like his subconscious knew your plan, and eventually you just can’t take it anymore, calling your friend and asking her to drop some off.

then you go to take a nap on the couch as an attempt to sleep off the headache you have, unaware that your friend’s at the door.

minghao gently shakes you awake, bottle of advil in his hand and a concerned look on his face. “i knew something was up with you. you should’ve just told me, y/n.” he says, explaining how your friend gave him a weird face when he asked about the medication and then dropping how you got a concussion like it was obvious.

“we shouldn’t hide things like this, okay? it’s not good for you.”

seungkwan - let’s just say, you may not be cut out for volleyball.

you were just goofing off with your friends, playing volleyball, when you dislocated your shoulder. seungkwan was hosting a variety show, and you didn’t feel like bothering him, so you didn’t mention it, not even when he video called you during his lunch break.

it wasn’t that bad of an injury, the doctor popped it back into its socket and you were sent home with some medication.

a week passes with no problem, but then seungkwan offers to play some badminton (like the LAST sport you should be trying to play during recovery), and thinking it wouldn’t be too bad, you accept.

it’s only till you’re actually swinging the racket that you realize that your shoulder has definitely not healed, let alone healed enough to really be playing a sport. you suddenly pause, “wait- just give me a minute.” he runs over from his side of the court. “hey, what’s going on? you look like you’re in pain.”

trying to get out the fact it’s because you got a dislocated shoulder, you ramble “it’s fine, just a dislocatedshoulderigotaweekagowithouttellingyou 😄”

and he’s like “WHAT? are you crazy?? why are you trying to play on it?” and proceeds to grab that same arm and drag you out of the court. he definitely scolds you for the rest of the day…

vernon - normally he’s chill, but right now he’s lowkey tweaking out.

while he was visiting his sister for her birthday, you broke your leg. you didn’t tell vernon because you wanted him to have a good time with his sister (how nice of you 😊), but when he comes home, he doesn’t think of it as such.

you’re laying on the couch, watching a show, whenever he enters the apartment. there’s a blanket over you, so he doesn’t notice the leg immediately.

“finally, this jet lag has got me *yawn* out of it.” he says, lifting the blanket just enough so he can slide in next to you.

he still doesn’t notice until his leg touches your boot, yelping in surprise. “why are you wearing shoes on the couch?” and then making another surprised noise when you reveal its a medical boot.

“did this happen when i was gone? you should’ve told me…” he gently scolds you, mainly because you made him so surprised, and then just lays back with you on the couch like nothing happened.

dino - you really wanted to tell him, but he just looked so happy in singapore and you really didn’t feel like ruining his time there.

on the way to class, you fractured your wrist while trying to catch yourself. since then, you’ve been struggling trying to do basically anything: changing clothes, showering, cooking, the list goes on.

but you didn’t tell him, just choosing to get through it until he comes home.

“y/n~ i’m home!” he calls out, walking in with his luggage. you’re in the shower, arm sticking out as far as it can away from the water, trash bag wrapped around that arm, and ultimately, just in a bad position.

“um, in here! can you help me?” you holler. you feel bad for making him help you as soon as he got home, but you’re going through hell and back trying to shampoo your hair.

he walks into the bathroom, “you sure you want me in here?” and all he sees is a fogged up shower with a trash bagged arm sticking out of it. surprisingly, he immediately understands what happened.

“babe, you should’ve told me earlier.” he says, helping you wash your hair properly. “i don’t like to think that you’ve been struggling like this without me there.” he frowns, kissing you on the forehead.

[lunarwritesthings]

: ̗̀➛ I'm sorry, I Miss you

➥ Paring: Jeff Hardy x OC

➥ Requested: No

➥ Summary: What happened during the year and a half, Raven and Jeff were apart? In Raven's eyes, the world fell apart and stopped spinning.

➥ A/N: I apologize for how long this took to get out. The ending may be shitty thanks to me having a horrible migraine every day for 2 weeks now. I'm thinking about doing something similar in Jeff's pov, so lmk if you'd be interested. I also remove a lot of depressing parts bc it was rough. Anyway enjoy! :)

Raven wasn't doing well. They were a shell of the person everyone knew. For the first month, Raven hid how destroyed they were by the breakup, and they were damn good at it. No one had a clue they were stuck in an endless spiral until it got bad.

Now other wrestlers knew something happened between Raven and Jeff, it was hard not to when Raven stopped yapping about Jeff. However, no one asked either party what happened, except Matt. He was the one acting as the bridge between Jeff and Raven. If one asked about how the other, Matt updated them.

Starting the second month of the breakup, Raven couldn't hide how badly they were falling apart. With not being used every night, Raven finally started to have free time forcing him to confront the very thing he had been trying so hard to ignore.

Raven because silent. Their work in the ring was dull and sloppy. The fire and spark of life that filled their eyes every moment of the day was gone, leaving dull, defeated brown eyes behind. Without Jeff in their life, it seemed even lost its color while Raven lost his passion for the things he loved.

Everyone, including fans, gave Raven space. Moving on from a relationship that lasted 4 years wasn't going to be easy. However, when Raven started to be missing at shows till the very last minute, people started to worry. Raven was always on time, if not early. Maybe space isn't what they need right now.

Raven was in the depths of the five stages of grief. They had gone through denial and bargaining at the same time, and now they were in the midst of depression. Raven knew what stage they were on and they hated it. They had always been an extremely productive and "go, go, go" kind of person. However, it felt impossible to be that way then they felt heavy.

A handful of Raven's friends tried to sit them down and get them to open up, but Raven would shrug it off and say they were fine. Of course, not a single person believed those words. Nonetheless, not a single person forced them to talk.

Unbeknownst to Raven, Matt had been keeping a close eye on them. He had been keeping Jeff updated on Raven and they both hated the path Raven was on. One evening everything was about to change, was it for the better? Depended on how Raven handled the situation.

The situation? Matt was tired of seeing Raven being depressed he got the one person Raven would listen to involved. Who? The one and only Steve Austin. It was shocking to everyone just how close Austin and Raven were. They were practically siblings. Austin had taken Raven under his wing almost the second Raven got into the business. Raven was the only person Austin has a soft spot for.

Raven was confused about where Matt was taken them until they started approaching Austin's locker. Now they were even more confused. Matt knocked on the door and only a moment later the door opened to reveal a very calm Austin. Matt and Austin shared nods before Matt left. Austin brought Raven into his locker room.

"Sit." That's all Austin said, his voice was still calm there was enough force behind it to make it clear he wasn't playing around. Raven listened and sat while Austin positioned himself in front of the door. Raven knew he couldn't get around this until he got everything off his chest. With a serious, yet gentle look Austin said one simple word. "Talk." and that's exactly what Raven did.

After a good thirty minutes, Raven had finally gotten everything off the chest from the breakup, their feeling for Jeff, how to breakup affected him, to how his world felt dull. Austin had stayed silent until Raven was done, only then he gave his opinions and advice.

With the weight lifted off their shoulders, Raven finally accepted the breakup. They understood that both of them and Jeff needed the breakup, especially since their paths were drifting from each other. Around this time Jeff had gotten released from the company.

Raven threw themselves headfirst back into everything. Their wrestling was back to begin high flying and high risk, the fire and spark of life and passion was stronger than before. With the help of Matt, Raven "anonymously" sent Jeff gifts and notes of encouragement. Just because they couldn't be right by Jeff's side to encourage him didn't mean they wouldn't do it from afar.

Randomly one day, Raven stopped getting updates from Matt about what was happening with Jeff. Not to mention, Jeff had completely disappeared from wrestling and social media. What Raven didn't know was Jeff was getting himself together after hearing about Raven doing the very thing.

Almost six months later, Jeff randomly showed back up in WWE. Raven nor the rest of the world knew till Jeff's music blasted through the arena. Raven had been in their locker room watching the show while getting ready for their match. They froze upon hearing the all-too-familiar music.

Raven's attention snapped towards the TV. There he was, Jeff stood in the middle of the ring looking happier and healthier than before. Raven saw the look of passion and purpose in Jeff's eyes. He was in that ring for a reason and in a short bit of time they would learn exactly why.

Jeff had a whole speech ready, however, one part, in particular, caught Raven's attention. Jeff had come back stronger than ever, but he wasn't moving out of the ring until he had Raven by his side again. While Jeff continued to spill his feelings, Raven ran towards the gorilla and through the current without a second thought.

With some trial and error, every fairytale gets its picture-perfect happy ending.

[thedamselzelda]

Italian Dreams Ripped At The Seams

Author Chat: The first "chapter" of whatever I'm going to name this series. I'm not entirely sure yet, haven't settled on a name. BUT I have been DYING to post and get the ball rolling. I am in nursing school and I am writing almost everyday when I get home. the ideas are within my notes app, it's just the struggle of sitting down to do it.

Featuring: DarkEra! Dazai Osamu

Summary: Silence, it's something to fear in an already unstable world. In yours, it could mean anything. Your thoughts race as you think to yourself what the silence, the lack of communication, could actually mean, especially when that silence is caused by Dazai.

word count: 3k, fem!reader, pm!reader, sfw (light cursing), reader is occasionally called "Izanami" a nickname given to her bc of her ability (I'll let you try to figure that one out, until then stay tuned), reader is described as having violet eyes bc of her father (mentioned within this chapter) warnings: mentioned of self-harm, suicide attempt

~ next part | DBH masterlist | BSD Masterverse

The ceiling of the Italian Villa’s on-suite bathroom was one that could rival the Sistine Chapel ceiling, or at least, you think so. You’d never actually been or had even thought about it while living your life in Yokohama. Perhaps, now with your excruciatingly long stay in Italy, you would find yourself wandering into the building to admire another country’s history and artwork. 

But that is not why you were staring at the ceiling, instead you were mulling through your thoughts of the past week or so. The shortened phone calls, now completely devoid of them, between you and… well he wasn’t exactly your boyfriend. Or was he? You two had openly expressed your feelings, you two fucked around without a care, but was he even exclusively yours?

You scrunched your nose at the thought. That wasn’t exactly the part that irked you. What bothered you was that he had abruptly stopped calling and sending his sweet letters to you six months into your “study abroad” trip that Mori had all but shoved you out for. He was always honest with you, and you with him, so what would change his perception of you now? Was he tired of you? Was he simply that bothered by your leave that distance does not, in fact, make the heart grow fonder?

You splashed more water onto your chest, resting in the warm bath, hoping it would alleviate the migraine that had accumulated while working today. Your last phone call with him wasn’t long enough. It was so short you could remember every syllable that fell from his lips.

“Mori gave him the Silver Oracle, but of course I told him I’d help him even without it.”

“Well, you’re his friend. Did he not believe you?” You brushed your hair, hoping the smell of formaldehyde had been washed away with your evening shower.

“You know he did, but I could still hear some reservations when I spoke to him. Also, you really gotta talk to him about his ‘no killing’ policy.”

You breathe out a laugh, “Look, he’s been wanting me to read those books for the longest. His mantra is his. I’m just gonna let him do him.”

Dazai sighed, knowing far too well that even if your friendship with Oda rivaled that of his, not even you could persuade him. “Oh, I also had to work with your fath- I mean, Hirotsu. I tossed him my game and he totally fucked up my win streak.”

Your eyebrow twitched at hearing the intentional mess up. “Osamu, just commit to the bit next time. Also, why would you even toss your game to him.”

 Dazai chucked on the other side of the receiver, “I had work to do.”

“Oh yes, big mister executive had to go clean up my father’s mess. I see.”

You didn’t hear anything from him for a moment. You knew he was smiling, but it was a solemn one. He knew how much you wanted to be executive. You were born into the mafia, he wasn’t. While it wasn’t technically a birthright, the two of you felt like it was meant to be yours. Pushing back to the previous topic, you spoke again.

“Tell Oda that I’m looking forward to getting a letter from him. He didn’t pick up the phone the last time I called, but it sounds like he’s quite busy with whatever Mori has tasked him with.”

Dazai hummed to you in response, picking his next words carefully. Slipping into rough Italian, as if he couldn’t let anyone know, and spoke, “I’m worried about him.”

Your mouth curled into a frown, placing the brush down on the vanity. You picked your phone up, taking it off speaker, and placing it to your ear.

“How so?” you reply back, your Italian just as rough.

“He’s…” You could tell Dazai hadn’t had as much experience in the language, having only learned it to speak with you while you were in Italy. It was much more help than he could realize, as you were barely able to converse with your mentor, with your native tongue being Japanese and only knowing basic English. Dazai attempted to keep speaking, “He’s up against a skill rival to his. I just don’t foresee any outcome with this group going well.”

You hum back to him this time, unsure of what to say. You had heard through your contacts about this rival group, Mimic. Now, they had taken Ango, one of Dazai’s friends, your acquaintance. You knew dealing with any foreign group such as this always resulted in death, something you were intimately familiar with, so the thought didn’t plague you too much. Rather, the tone of Dazai’s voice and his words meant that it was Oda who could be the one at the center.

You cease speaking Italian, “I’m sure, whatever the outcome, the four of us will end up at Bar Lupin, clinking our drinks together and laughing about all of this in…” You think to yourself how much longer this sentence is, “three and a half years?”

Dazai puffs into the receiver, whining, “That’s too far from now. I’m gonna have to tell Mori I require a much-needed vacation to Italy real soon.”

You laugh, flopping down onto your down bed with satin sheets, “I would like that very much.”

The two of you fall silent, your eyes growing heavier and heavier. The silence was common toward the end of your phone calls. Sometimes, you could swear he would stay on just to hear the sound of your soft breathing. You would have, if that insomniac would ever fall asleep. 

“Bella, you can go to sleep. You’ll get my letter tomorrow. Just imagine I’m reading it to you.”

“It’s not the saammme.” You groan, throwing your arm over your eyes. “I get why Mori would send me here but fuck for four years?! I would serve the organization better if I was there!”

Dazai was silent, almost as if he didn’t want to agree or disagree with your statement.

“He said it was to hone your ability now that he couldn’t focus on you anymore, so I suppose it’s for the Mafia’s benefit more so than yours. You know where I stand regardless.”

“I know.” You voice was light, emphasizing your feelings.

“I’ll be the one that picks you up from the airport, though. I’ll even sweep you up and spin you around if it gives you something to look forward to.”

You roll over, smiling into your pillow.

“You’re definitely going to be dreaming about that now.” He laughs, possibly daydreaming about it already himself.

You chuckle, smothering your flushed face.

“Get some rest, cara mia. I’ll talk to you again in a few days.” His voice was soothing and low in tone, as if he knew his voice was lulling you to sleep.

“Talk to you soon, mon cher.” You sleepily say, waiting for him to end the call-but he doesn’t. You knew he was waiting for you to fall asleep, your eyes closing until you found yourself opening them again in the morning.

You open your eyes once more gazing upon the painted ceiling above you. It had been a week since then, placing you back into your thoughts on why he hadn’t called, written, or at least attempted to contact you in some other form. Even Oda and Mori hadn’t spoken to you. Which placed you in even more confusing thoughts. Surely, you thought to yourself, surely Mori wasn’t eliminating you from the Mafia. If that were the case, you would have already been killed and disposed of, and the mistress of the Villa, nor your mentor were acting anything out of the normal.

You gaze down, pinching the bridge of your nose. Any more thinking on this topic and surely your head would explode, which would be an invited reprieve at this particular moment. Your eyes dance down to the water, noticing your scar, which was deformed by the refracting water. One on your arm, you reached over to touch, remembering how you and Dazai had taken a knife across your arms hoping for it to be a beautiful double suicide, but alas, Mori found the two of you. He stitched up Dazai, forcing you to stitch up your own wound. You could feel a tear breech and slide down your cheek.

The great Izanami does not cry.

You grab onto the porcelain tub, pressing yourself deeper into the water, forcing your neck, then your face into the water. You open your eyes underneath the water, holding yourself there. Perhaps, if Dazai is done with you-if Oda is done with you-then maybe this is how you should go. You release some air from your lungs, allowing you to sink further under the water. You release your hands from the sides, submerging them, too.

Your lungs begin to burn, screaming for you to go up for air, but you refuse. You blink as you hear a garbled voice within the bathroom. If it is the mistress, there was nothing she could do to stop you. One touch and she would be gone. She knew the rule when it came to you. You blink again, seeing a dark outlined figure standing above the tub. You think to yourself, maybe it is him. However, if it is, he would have already pulled you up. So, it couldn’t be.

You find yourself gasping at fresh air as someone pulls you up from behind, their small hands snaking under your arms.

“Honestly, could you please not kill yourself? I’ve invested too much into you.”

You blink as your eyes burned slightly from the water falling from your lashes. A hand towel is handed to you, and you wipe your face roughly before looking behind you.

“Thank you, Elise.” Mori says sweetly to the girl. She rolls her eyes at you, annoyed that she had to soak her dress to retrieve you.

“What are you doing here?” You say in a harsh tone, irritated that he has interrupted yet another attempt.

“I can come and go as I please, since I am the one funding this education of yours.” His voice returns to the irritated, tired tone that he always uses with you. He’s taken a seat at the chair beside the tub, placing a medium navy-blue box tied in gold ribbon on the side table along with a tan file folder.

“I haven’t heard from you in a week. So, I ask again, what are you doing here?” You become irritated by his intrusion, and deviation from your original question.

You sit up within the tub, not caring for his gaze upon you. He was your technical guardian after all, and you knew his interest in young girls. However, you were unbothered by his now as you neared adulthood, his interest had wavered in you increasingly. The only thing that bound the two of you now was his ownership of you and your ability.

“I suppose you were going about your days here in the villa, wondering what the outcome was with Mimic, since I suppose he told you a bit about the issue.”

Mori was visibly irritated, testing to see how much Dazai told you via your late-night calls. The two of you knew it was very risky to converse about such delicate matters, regardless of what form they were put into. However, you longed to be home, so Dazai had frequently indulged you.

“I just know Oda was involved. That’s all.” You tone was steady, you had lied to Mori countless times before, this time was evidently no different.

He arched his eyebrow, studying your face. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s resolved anyway. We got the permit.”

He closed his eyes in thought. You in turn began to study him, curious as to why he would come to the villa just to inform you of the Port Mafia’s success.

“That can’t be the only reason you’re here.” You turn in the tub, your legs folding into your chest as you cock your head. “To what to I truly owe this intrusion, Mori?”

He slowly opened his eyes to look at you. His eyes darted between your violet ones, formulating his next words. “Sakunosuke Oda unfortunately passed during the fight against Mimic.”

Your eyes widen as you lean forward. You breathe out the only word that can formulate against your thoughts. A broken, “No,” escaping your lips.

Mori closes his eyes once more, leaning his head forward slightly, “And Dazai has disappeared. We do not know his whereabouts.”

“What?!” You spring up from the tub, water splashing about the floor and onto Elise and Mori. Elise groans, reaching for a bigger towel and tossing it to you. You wrap it around your body, attempting to create your next sentence against your pounding headache. “No, he… he would have said something. He would have contacted me. He wouldn’t…”

Your words trailed off as if they couldn’t follow your thoughts.

“Therefore, I came here because you needed to be informed of your new position. Or rather, the one you will take on once you finish here in Italy.”

You could barely hear him over your last conversation with Dazai playing out once more in your head.

"I’ll talk to you again in a few days… You’ll get my letter tomorrow.”

You hadn’t actually received the letter, which is what triggered your incessant thoughts. You had gone up to the mistress, day after day, asking if the letter had arrived, yet nothing came.

“While I am completely optimistic that Dazai will return.” Your eyes narrowed, anger seething from your gritted teeth. “I am leaving his executive position open for his return. In the meantime, you will assume a specially made executive position, and I have the documents to a club and a casino I would like for you to have control over to start with.”

He tapped to the file next to the navy-blue box.

“What’s the box for then?” Your eyes glance to the beautifully decorated box, curious to what could be contained within it.

“Dazai passed it to me a few days before he left, wanted me to send it to you. Instead, I thought it would soften the blow of the pervious news.” His hand fanned over the box in a presenting motion. “It’s been screened of course. Couldn’t have a defected member sending you something that would cause my newest executive to defect too.”

He gave a sly smile. He knew of your relationship with Dazai, but he also knew you feared a life without the Mafia more.

You sneered at him, “Why would I want that from a defected member?”

Your words were merely show, something to appease Mori since you had just been given your prize, however, it wasn’t for all your hard work of the past years. Rather, it was desperation on Mori’s part to hold you closer within his clutches.

“My, my… I didn’t expect you to be so cold when it comes to Dazai.” Mori stood chuckling but leaving the box behind anyway.

He began to walk toward the closed bathroom door, Elise opening it to escape the humid air within the room. He turned on his heel, however, before breeching back into your private room.

“I expect greatness from you, Izanami. Do not fail me.” It echoed within your head as more of an order, rather than a statement.

You emit a low growl at the name, hating to hear it from him of all Mafia members.

He smiled, pleased by your response, and closed the door behind him.

You wait for a moment, listening for the next click of the door being closed. Once you heard the faint noise of Mori’s departure, you scrambled, nearly slipping, from the tub. You grabbed the plush robe from the chair, donning it instead of the towel you had been holding up. Once you had tied the robe, you tear the gold ribbon from the box, haphazardly letting it flutter to the floor. Your hands hesitate with the lid. What if he knew he was leaving? What if…?

You sit down in the chair, placing the heavy midnight box within your lap. You take a deep breath, lifting the lid and placing it upon the file. Your fingers gingerly graze the gray tissue covering the contents, trembling. You notice a splash of darkness appearing on the gray paper. You harshly rub the remaining tears from your cheeks.

Why are you so afraid to look? To see the last thing he’s left you? Because it’s the last. There is no more Dazai. He’s dead as far as the, now, executive you are concerned, but the young girl in you? The one who’s lost the one person on this God-forsaken earth that could touch you without consequence? She was afraid.

You began to peel back the tissue paper, first noticing the maroon color peeking out within the box. Your finger grazed upon the soft material as you remove the right covering paper. Your fingers go to touch your lips, a small choking gasp escaping through them as your tears now forcefully fall from your eyes. It was a scarf he had bought because you had remarked how it complemented his eyes, yet he could never bring himself to wear it, stating it reminded him too much of Mori. You attempted to pick it up from within the box, but you discovered the additional contents that had been wrapped within. Three books, all too familiar to you shifted underneath the scarf. You could hear yourself begin to sob as you picked up the last remaining things of Oda’s clutching the items to your chest. You pressed your face into the scarf, hoping to find some comfort, smelling burnt gunpowder and a faint woody scent, reminiscent of him. 

You could barely see through your tears, almost missing the final present that graced you.

In Italian, evident that he attempted way too many times to write the note, Happy Birthday, Bella. All my love. ~O <3

~ next part | DBH masterlist | BSD Masterverse

If I forgot to tag anything, or forgot to mention anything in the warnings, please let me know! I'm still just trying to figure all this out after using Wattpad for so long.

Thank you to everyone who reads this though! Hope you enjoy and look forward to what's to come!

[spneveryseason]

I’ve been re-reading your past metas/fics about possession in spn and how it works like, mechanically in universe, and it’s really been making me wonder what the fuck was up with michael and dean in s14 (other than I guess that the writers like to play calvinball with the rules of the universe lol). Like it’s shown previously to be nearly impossible to resist possession by even minor demons for more than a few minutes, and when sam takes back control from lucifer in s5 you can tell it’s like taking him tremendous mental effort, but dean is able to resist michael, another archangel, for… weeks? months? with just some weird dreams/visions and headaches sometimes? I find it so fascinating how it’s supposed to fit into the pre-established canon lol

Hi! Honestly Michael and Dean was a whole thing with how it works in universe because it makes absolutely no sense. And the answer for it IS because nobody was running on any consistent rules as to how all this is supposed to work, like they do for pretty much everything. Like you said, it’s been well established again and again how difficult fighting back is supposed to be. I don’t recall any specific examples of this but I don’t think we’ve ever seen anyone fight back and wrestle control back from a demonic possession even once. With our angel possession examples, it’s been largely Sam & Lucifer, which Sam said he could only do for so long, Sam & Gadreel, which he did have some help with, and Cas & Lucifer, which honestly exists on a different level bc that was an angel on angel possession which…that feels like a whole other thing that shouldn’t be possible but there we are.

It’s odd because Sam&Gadreel and Dean&Micheal technically did have some shared aspects in how all this worked (aka the others had to access the possessed person’s mindscape to “wake them up”) but the outcome was so different. Sam was able to just punt Gadreel out of there, while Dean just locked Michael up in his mind instead. It’s been a while since I’ve watched that episode but I seem to remember that this was deliberate? Like, they didn’t want to let Michael out into the world? It’s on very shaky ground and I guess they wanted to build in some consequences so they gave him some migraines and stuff and called it a day.

But yeah, the very existence of a supposed “mind prison” that the vessel could control technically started with Casifer and is now apparently a Thing that they can all do. We never actually get into the whole mindscape thing and how it works in canon even though they use it a lot (all the way from Sam’s journey in his mind during the s6 finale. Hell, even Sam’s time possessed by Lucifer in S5). It looks to me like a lot of building up on things that were introduced but never explained and then just returning to it whenever it seemed convenient.

[leporellian]

what opera would you adapt so that everyone was played by beanie babies. also what characters would be what beanie baby

unfortunately i could probably cast every single opera with beanie babies. there are so many of them, in both directions, and i could very easily do it to the point that if you just said 'cast (whatever opera) with beanie babies' i could do it. (however i do distinctly think i would have more fun if given leeway to pick any stuffed animal...)

however i feel like making this simple so here goes: don giovanni with beanie babies

the don himself is fredrick the fox:

first off, this is one of the modern beanie babies (not a beanie boo, mind you, which is a separate line) so this thing is everywhere, which i feel like fits the vibe. it's also cute enough you could take it home but not cute enough that you would feel safe divulging secrets to it. (the eyes... they don't got any light in them.) finally i feel like the don Has to be a fox because it has that delicious sort of reynardian quality about it.

leporello is ears the rabbit:

ears is the only beanie baby rabbit that was produced in this lying down pose. which gives it this utterly defeated quality every time a photo is taken of it because its head sort of angles towards the ground and the arms buckle around the head like it has a migraine and it's just sort of an unfortunate scene. obviously therefore this thing has to be leporello.

donna elvira is specifically this promotional arlene beanie baby from garfield the movie (2004)

this is a frankly gorgeous beanie baby in terms of execution, pose, fabric/plastic color choices... and its been typecast into being The Bitch Wife character, which is i feel like really meta-textually perfect for what we are dealing with here. there's also the added context of this being a promotional plush toy (of a side character! an accessory!) that was meant to be discarded as soon as garfield the movie (2004) was no longer being marketed. so. yeah

donna anna is caw the crow:

usually i like making anna something horse-themed because like, really considering everything that feels like the best pick. HOWEVER something about caw the crow gets me. this one was released before beanie babies had poems and birthdays so the inside of its card was just... blank except for its name. also apparently multiple people have reported being a little creeped out by it. so i feel like its the best fit

don ottavio is hydrant the dalmatian:

this thing makes me laugh. this is meant to be a firefighting dog. however the poem and the general look of it scream anything but that. they gave this thing the face of a newborn sock. there is no way. There is No Way. another funny thing is that hydrant the dalmatian was a 'beanie babies 2.0', a more 'updated' beanie baby that was basically just a shameless webkinz clone because that was what was in vogue in 2008. now if you get a hydrant beanie baby, this advertised feature no longer works bc the site was shut down long ago. this is a reference to don ottavio's broken promises

zerlina is spring the rabbit:

i am cheating a LITTLE BIT because technically currently 'beanie bellies', which this is a product of, is a separate line from 'beanie babies'. however they initially sold as 'beanie babies' and were then spun off into something separate so this to me is fair game. this has all the overly-cutesy trappings of the modern beanie babies without looking too fake (except for ty warner not knowing rabbits don't have paw pads) HOWEVER at the same time i think this thing absolutely would wield a knife and start advancing on me in a toy story universe which fits what i am looking for

masetto is snort ii the bull:

another really new beanie baby but not nearly as cutesy as the one above and more self-explanatory. however its weirdly shaped face (and? disproportionate bead eyes?) means i cannot take this thing seriously in the slightest without feeling like a 7 year old is staring at me about to ask if i have games on my phone. so. yeah.

not counting the commendatore bc he's onstage for 5 minutes but if you REALLY wanted you could probably make him one of the very early pre-poem beanie babies. The statue is still inexplicably a statue, because I am a man of law

[eonars]

BORINGGGGG ⬇️🚫😴🤓

Moved into my actual long term place in the city today (have been living in my department head's basement apartment thing until my contract starts and that was way out in the countryside where the university is) right now it's 10:15pm and I'm all tucked up in the brand new fresh bedding I bought today for my dinky little twin bed because this is a one room studio. Which is worth honestly bc I'm paying only approx $1k a month for it and it's smack DEEP in the city center, walking distance from the train station and surrounded by all kinds of super exciting stuff. Tomorrow I need to unpack properly and go through the box of kitchen stuff the landlord gave me and decide what I want + do a big shop of establishing kitchen essentials + possibly another less big shop of homewares and storage/organization stuff perhaps. I've also been struck with the realization that tomorrow is Saturday night and I'm in the big city and can just.....go out if I want to and easily walk back here whenever I want. I gotta go into the office on Monday even though there's nothing to do because I need to retrieve my work laptop (left it there so there'd be one less thing to move) and I figure since I'm there I can also practice the presentation I have to give at this summer school program. The summer school program that I have to leave for on Tuesday because why would I get to just chill and settle in to the new place for more than 4 days you know. But that's where the real hard work is gonna start because they're gonna have us in lectures and practical sessions on cryopreservation and laser microscopy from the getgo which is giving me the major fear cause from here on out it's Real. Like I get back from this week long program and immediately it's time for my husbandry sessions and learning to do ivf on fish and a microdissection session and signing up for the ethics in animal experimentation course and I'm getting a weird fear that for whatever reason I'll just full stop be too stupid to determine cryodamage via laser microscopy and they'll be like actually you're done just go back. Which is stupid I'm aware because obviously they know full well I'm not an expert on this stuff and I've never even done it before and accepted me anyway but still. It just feels really surreal cause I suddenly got every single thing I've ever wished for in the space of like two months and I haven't been able to shake the feeling that somethings gonna go wrong and it's all gonna disappear and I'm gonna end up back home again. Or like I'm scared it's gonna be too hard and I won't be able to do it cause they overestimated me and I have the least lab and research experience out of all these other candidates because again I'm just a minimum wage waster from california they brought in vs veterinarians and research scientists. Like if doing ivf on a zebrafish was so easy surely everyone would be doing it. I've also had an unshakeable migraine for like 3 days now and I think even though I've been doing so well at a solid 11:30 to 7am sleep sched for these last few weeks I'm gonna let myself sleep in tomorrow morning before I rise and grind and unpack. And then maybe dress up and go sip a vodka soda in a metal bar alone looking like a spooked antelope.

[taegularities]

I just logged in after a while, what happened rid? how did you get so sick? 😟 I hope everything is good now 🦋

hiii, welcome back 🤍 i am a bit better now but still in a constant fight with the medication. phew tbh it’s a long story, so buckle up lmao

i had these terrible migraine like headaches 2 months ago, which isn’t new, but the back pain and the nausea and the constant throwing up were new. so after a brain scan and a lumbar puncture, i was admitted to the hospital bc they found out i had cryptococci in my head and a thickened brain tissue which is life threatening if not treated (fungal meningitis).

they were just confused bc you‘d usually see this in patients with hiv or weak immune systems and both didn’t apply to me idk. they then gave me needed medication but that therapy took me out so extremely bad, i genuinely thought for a bit i was not going to make it lol :‘) constant throwing up and pain and no food intake, dehydration etc. then they stopped bc that medication was damaging my kidneys.

and then i had more scans and they said that basically everything had been attacked by the meds (that are highly toxic for the body but necessary to survive) and was infected: my brain from before, my stomach, my gall bladder, my lungs and my heart valves. and water in my lungs, so i couldn’t breathe properly. so they had to treat all this next.

once this was over, i started to get better, but i was already so physically affected, which in turn affected me mentally. like i have all these scars from the many lumbar punctures, skin discolouration, dry skin/lips and scars everywhere they put in a needle for the ivs (the worst is on half of my neck, right side since i got a central venous catheter bc the veins on my arms were too thin or infected) soooo yeah.

i‘m still on my meds; these are a bit easier on me but still not too great. i still throw up a lot and stuff :‘) so recovery hasn’t been very linear but i didn’t expect it to be. the doctors did so so many scans and ultrasounds and blood tests and what not in the hospital to make me better and i appreciate it, but at the same time, it all hurt a lot physically and mentally and i‘m still processing it :‘)

and yeah. i want to go to work again next week, so i hope everything works out. amidst all that, a few very good things happened, too, so i‘m just grateful to be here 🤍

[spuddy-potat]

hiiiii im in a really weird headspace so heres that unfinished oc snippet i was talking about earlier 🫶🫶

please note: this is very much unpolished and barely presentable (no capitalization and spotty punctuation at best bc i wrote most of this while half asleep) so there are probably a lot of things i can improve on- feel free to give feedback!

It's Not Always All Roses

word count: 926

characters: professor jensen, junichi yamamura

content warning: power dynamic, mild cursing

when junichi passes by jensen's office again he is only slightly surprised to see the man slumped over his desk, shaking with effort. he's got his long hair pulled to the side, exposing the back of his neck in a rather tantilizing manner. junichi lets himself in without so much as a knock, reaching to place a hand on jensen's neck. another migraine, surely. 

he quickly draws it back when he finds a sickly heat radiating from his skin, unable to stifle the small gasp that escapes his throat. 

"christ you're burning up..." he says almost to himself. 

"i'm just.... a little warm......." it comes out as almost a whisper, interlaced with heavy labored breaths. even with his face buried in his arms junichi can now see the angry flush that paints jensen's skin.

"clearly it's worse than that. stand up then, i'll take you to my office." he says it with a cold sternness that seems to make jensen shiver.

"n... no please.... 'f i stand right now i.... i think i'll faint....." he certainly sounds that way. he hasn't even looked up yet but junichi can picture his pained expression with ease. despite himself, he places a hand flat on jensen's back, hoping to ground the man a bit as he breathes through what must be a gnarly dizzy spell. soon enough, the moment passes and jensen lets some of the tension fall from his shoulders, though he still has a hand tangled in his hair. 

"why did you even come into work today if you knew you were this sick." removing his hand from jensen's back, junichi says it as a demand instead of a question.

"hnnn.... i was close to finishing that project.... i thought i could at least do that"

"well? have you?" junichi almost wishes jensen would sit up and look at the disappointment bordering on disgust on his face.

".......no."

"thats what i fucking thought."

jensen shifts uncomfortably.

"s-sorry...." 

"look at me when i'm talking to you."

he complies, trembling more now than when junichi first found him. as expected, there is a sickly red flush across his cheeks, layered messily atop a pallor junichi has become all too familiar with lately.

"i th.... i thought i could finish it today..... b-but i couldn't f...focus..... i'm sorry......."

"stand up."

despite everything, junichi offers an arm for support. once again, jensen complies and almost immediately collapses against junichi's shoulder. it's a familiar position, one they would assume any time jensen had a migraine or his knees gave out. in this way he can feel the vicious heat that pours off of jensen's body.

it tugs at that feeling of pity that lies tucked away in the back of his mind. he almost considers just taking him home then and there, but... the urge to teach him a lesson prevails. he presses his hand into the base of jensen's ribcage and savors the tiny whimper that escapes him, barely audible as if through a failed attempt to stifle the noise. 

"come on now, lets get you to my office before you collapse again." 

"y...yes sir....."

they make it about halfway to his office when jensen is overtaken by a sudden coughing fit that threatens to drag him down to his knees. junichi fights to keep the taller man upright, placing his other hand on jensen's shoulder to steady him.

it takes a good few moments for the fit to pass and jensen looks barely conscious by the end of it. typical.

"god you're a pain..." junichi says mostly to himself, not fully intending to have said it out loud.

"'m-mmm... s...sorry...." jensen manages through aching breaths in a tone that almost pleads 'just leave me here on the floor.'

eventually he recovers enough for them to continue, albeit at a much quicker pace led by junichi this time.

the second they enter junichi's office he practically drops jensen onto the couch, frustration getting the better of him.

this almost immediately throws jensen into another brutal coughing fit. he turns onto his side and curls in on himself, shaking the whole way through as tears begin to form at the corners of his eyes shut tight.

junichi sighs against the pit that has begun to form in his chest. he kneels down beside jensen, reaching out a hand to gently rub his arm in a comforting manner as the fit passes. jensen is still trembling from head to toe, the tears now slipping down his cheeks as he sheepishly opens his eyes to look up at junichi.

"hmm you really aren't feeling well, huh?" he takes on an uncharacteristically gentle tone as pity finally wins over frustration.

"s-s... i'm sorry i sh.... should have called in today, i... i woke up and kn-knew i was sick but.... i came in anyway and m-made it worse......" it's almost strange to see him like this, perfectly candid and obedient. junichi's gut twists.

"shhhh... it's alright now. i have some work i need to finish up here but i want to take you home early so you can rest. i'll let you cool down in here for a while until you're feeling a little better, alright?"

despite himself, he draws his hand down the side of jensen's too-hot face, brushing away one of the stray tears that had made its way down his cheek. jensen seems to melt into the touch, like it's the first tender caress he's gotten in years (maybe it is...)

"yes sir...."

the scolding could wait, junichi decides.

[frickfrackchickenstack]

sigma with 👻📓😶 for the ask game!

ahh ty!!

👻: I have a lighter one and more painful one, depending on ur current angst level!

light: i imagine sigma as afraid of the dark! not necessarily the dark, more the illusions and hallucinations that eyes can play when you're not fully rested. he sees smth in the corner of his eye, panics, and sees in the light that it was a plushie or smth. i also hc that he has something called visual snow (which is common in ppl w migraines and/or people with autism iirc), which specifically is a bit blocky and the dots resemble peoples memories to him than actual snow or static.

not so light: honestly? his own sense of identity. this lad has been on autopilot since he gained consciousness three years ago - he gave himself the name of sigma (sum, and in linguistics references the symbols that form an alphabet), but we don't really get too too much of an explanation for it - sigma doesn't even seem to know of it, himself. basically, i think there's an unconscious part of sigma that yearns to keep being in alert/panic mode, bc the thing he desires so desperately is (not only smth he has to make for himself but also) his greatest fear and vulnerability. he wants his existence to be cut and dry, to have purpose - but to be fulfilled, he will have to fully uncover his own sense of identity. basically this bitch traumatized and i think will crumble if left to his own devices in a chill place <3

📓: i like to think that sigma eventually takes up sewing and making their own clothes! with the kind of styles he seems to gravitate towards, along with the assumption that if he joins the ada his salary wont be that high, id like to imagine he starts creating stuff for himself to wear! it may be messy and flashy, but it helps him explore what makes him happy. he values people who have goals and drive, and i think him having a hobby that directly involves creation in some form would be perfect for him.

😶: a few for you

i think sigma doesnt drink, he exclusively goes for mocktails and hot chocolate. something incredibly sweet that makes most people stare at him in confusion at his choices

sigma dreams, but has no recollection of whatever he was dreaming about - just the lingering air of tiredness in his body and longing in his heart

he wears genuinely the most jaw dropping fashion at all times - he is a man that desires a level of attention, as if to say "look at me! i mean something!" even as he gets settled into daily life and becomes more comfortable with routine, i think he would always lean to shiny and flashy

until he was brought back to yokohama (eventuallyyyy i hope), he had the worst shower care stuff. sure, the products at the casino were nice, but i bet before that fyodor gave sigma an 18 in 1 and that was that; this would be rectified the moment sigma somehow tells anyone of his shower routine.

speakign of fyodor! i think sigma was incredibly sheltered by fyodor - on purpose, to treat him less of a full person and more as a tool. sigma has to learn not only basic stuff about daily life, like taxes, but also social situations. dear god, this bitch doesn't know how to PeopleTM

sigma isnt too religious, but ironically i could see him being into some level of spiritualism in a different vein from fyodors Christianity; fyodor believes what he cant control is already working in his favor, and sigma more focuses on what he can control.

i have many many more but! u can always request more :3

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

So I’ve been debating on telling you this, just bc it’s personal and sensitive, but after ur post about the anons, I want you to know how meaningful you are to others. You don’t have to read it or even respond if you don’t want, but I just feel like I should say it. TW: brief mention of infertility.

Last week, my brother and his family came into town for Thanksgiving. I always have the worst anxiety bc of my past relationship with my brother, but we’ve slowly gotten better over the years. But still, he brings on a lot of anxiety. Usually, I drink heavy when I’m around them to calm my nerves, but I had a migraine that day so I didn’t. Apparently, long story short, my behaviour and something I said at the table gave them the impression I was pregnant. He texted my mother, not asking *if* I was pregnant, but how far along I was. I’ve struggled for years with infertility, and idk why but recently (even before this) I’ve been feeling really triggered/upset all over again. So when I found out he asked that (not with bad intentions at all, but still), I lost it and have spiralled a bit into a funk.

I did what I always do and escape into fanfiction, so I was stalking your blog. You answered a question about Ewan’s chars’ hobbies, and the response made me laugh for the first time that day. Continuing to scroll through, I found more of your answers to questions entertaining and reread some of my fav works from you, cheering me up immensely and distracting me.

I’m not saying this as in you’re my entertainment, so I really hope it doesn’t come off that way. I just want to make a point that *you*, as a person, make someone— a random stranger across the pond to you— smile and brought lightness to one of their dark days. You are a human being, a kind and funny one, and I don’t understand how people can send or say that stuff thinking you’re not or realising your significance. I’ve always loved your wit and smart ass remarks or incredible mind that puts your all into your amazing works. I’m a huge fan of you, and I really hope you don’t let those two anons get to you when you mean so much to other followers of you. I hope that your day will get better, and that life treats you kindly because you definitely deserve it, Ange. Please stay safe, healthy, and treat yourself. I appreciate all that you do and give us. 🩶🩶

-Hannah Montana anon.

Oh love! I'm sorry you had to endure that, that sounds awful! And thank you for being so brave in sharing that with me. As someone who is dealing with their own infertility issues, I empathise with you and am sending you so much love. I hope you are feeling okay about it all now you've had some space from your brother.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Really glad I was able to cheer you up during a difficult time. This means more to me than you could possibly know <3 xoxo

[rainbowserenity]

I just finished Parsimony and I loved it! I originally started reading it when you first published it, but IRL stuff got in the way so I've been sitting in its suspense for god knows how long. I loved the way Hope's conflict of believing that he was taking another's place, and Lightning calling him out like. "this is the way it is, you're getting too hung up on your belief that it can't be who you are now that's actually real."

It's definitely inspiring me to think about how Hope and Lightning idk will always find a connection to each other? That they're engrained in each other's being (esp quite literally wrt Hope & Light's knife) and that even so they can pick up where they left off. I'm also curious abt the explicit repercussions of the "confirmation" Hope gave and how it affected Light. Moreso as a fun thought experiment.

I'm also wondering what it would be like if their roles were reversed, especially bc Lightning harbored such heavy guilt over Serah and is self-sacrificial for those she cares about.

I'd ask about your thoughts on ppl making works inspired by any of yours, but my backlog of wips is.... well, we don't talk about that...

I've had an incredibly shitty week so far and I'm teetering on the edge of a migraine, but I swear this message just cured me and made everything better ;____; THANK YOU THIS IS SO SWEET <333333333333

I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic! I know way too much about fics sitting in suspense, yall don't even want to KNOW how many open tabs are on my phone lmaaaao

the whole fic probably would've been way more dramatic if their roles had been reversed - partially because, like you said, Lightning's so self-sacrificial, but also because it'd take her a billion years to even accept that she ended up having ~*feelings*~ for Hope ;D I'm still convinced that it didn't really hit her until the end of LR, when he pulls her out of the darkness. although if she'd seen him in person in his fabulous adult body before then...(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) my wip backlog is probably just as bad, if not worse lolol but I would LOVE to see works inspired by mine!!! it'd be an honor that something I did would be so inspirational <33333 but seriously, thank you SO much again for this message <33333 I really needed it and I'm so grateful you took the time to reach out just to tell me that you loved the fic!

[lastoneout]

Ngl I think I am truly about to hit my fucking limit and idk what to do about it anymore.

Ever since my nerve block wore off my migraines have been worse than they've ever been before in my entire life, like I'm literally having one every single day, and I now have severe neck pain on top of it which is also constant, and legit none of my doctors give a single solitary shit.

I tried to bring this up with my pain clinic and the guy just said it was good that the nerve block helped for a month or so, and that my current issues were just muscle pain and I need to go to PT about it, and I can't get in with a new pain clinic bcs my primary never gave me the referral she said she would and no matter how many times I call the clinic and leave messages about it no one ever calls me back.

My neurologist just seems confused that I'm still having migraines despite being on like 6 medications that are supposed to help manage them and she says it in a way that really makes me feel like she thinks it's somehow my fault, and when I brought up the neck pain she just told me to take ibuprofen even though I've told her repeatedly that it doesn't help, and she also said I should do the nerve block again even though it put me in the ER and made everything worse in the long run. Plus I'm pretty sure she'd just prescribe another steroid taper pack and once again ignore me when I say I'm really sensitive to them and they make me feel like shit and the last one didn't help.

I can't take my rescue meds more than 4 times in 30 days and I've already taken it more than that bcs I was desperate. The steroid taper pack helped for like a week before everything came back just as bad as before. I can't take my fioricet because it messes with my birth control and I had sex less than 5 days ago. I can't take the oxycodone they gave me in the ER bcs it makes my migraines "bounce back" worse once it wears off. Ibuprofen still isn't helping.

Do I call my neurologist? Idk what she's going to do, she doesn't seem to give a shit, and there's a solid chance the on call doctor just refuses to speak to me, and my referral to a new neurologist just got turned down bcs apparently the new clinic "doesn't have anyone who can see me for my problems". My pain clinic also doesn't give a shit and frankly I don't even want to be a patient there anymore since the doctor has just made everything worse. Do I go to the ER? I've been there dozens of times over the last couple of months and they can usually make the pain ago away for a day before I'm right back where I started, and they usually just give me fioricet which again, I do not want to risk pregnancy. Urgent care? They can't do anything to help either.

I'm in pain all the time and nothing is helping and none of my doctors care and I just want everything to fucking stop. I feel so abandoned. Like I'm worthless or broken bcs why else would I be treated this way? Why else would all of my doctors ignore me or reject me or regard me with contempt. Being nice doesn't work. Being confident and blunt makes them angry and thus less likely to help me. Breaking down sobbing in their office doesn't do shit.

I'm so fucking done. I just want this to stop. I'm so tired of being strong and fighting and getting nowhere. Fighting is just making it worse. No one who can help cares. I just want to lay down in my bed and wither away, I guess I deserve it for having the audacity to want better. I can't take this anymore, I really can't. But I don't have options. I just get to suffer.

Like the only way I know to make it clear to people that I'm basically at rock bottom is to admit that I've reached the point where I no longer want to be alive and I absolutely know that saying that to a doctor will lead to more problems than solutions. And like, I'm not going to hurt myself, but I've def hit the "life is not worth living" stage and a migraine has to be pretty fucking bad for me to get there.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[schizowitchic]

thing my mum is currently mad about: that i am not helping with the housework (ive literally been home all day with a migraine and period cramps so bad i can barely stand, as well as being exhausted bordering on sleep deprived from exams for the past week).

massive vent under the cut that goes super off topic.

tw for fatphobia and mild ableism and mentions of suicidality and poor mental health

like be more mad at my siblings who are not ill and perfectly capable of helping? before he left (hes away for the weekend) my dad was like "make sure to help ur mum this evening since im away so i cant" like hello? im literally ill at the moment. i get that my mum is super stressed and tired as well but like. right now. im literally physically ill. ive had almost ten full blown panic attacks in the past week.

ALSO ive tidied and hoovered my room, i collected wood from the shed in the garden from the fire, and changed all the hand towels over to clean ones so it's not like ive done nothing at all. ive emptied and refilled the dishwasher as well. plus whenever she's said "can you get this for me" ive gotten up to get it for her.

furthermore she hasn't asked us to do specific tasks so like. i have no idea what needs doing. im always available to do stuff if im directly asked (bc it's not like i can refuse without getting complained at all evening) so idk how im meant to telepathically know what house work she wants us to be doing. and even when we do help she always complains that we dont do it in the right way but never tells us what to do just complain about how incompetent we are

like im gonna be honest i just end up feeling less motivated to keep even my own room tidy. and that im constantly never enough for her. bc even when im sure ive done all the things i should. theres always something else i shouldve known how to do, or that bc ive never done it before that somehow erases that ive made process

for example she's always on at me about shaving and washing my face and etc. and like. im mentally ill. it is such a struggle to get up and get clean each day. and i was super proud of the fact that i now manage to clean my face at least once a day every day now. but that's not enough for her is it "you should be washing your face twice a day". and i was like "but surely one is better than the none it was before" and she just gave me a look like i was being ridiculous. and she's always on at me about shaving hair from my legs, getting rid of hair on my face and my back. i never was selfconscious about my appearance until she said i would be bullied for having hair, until she used the words "rolls of fat" to describe my stomach, until she said the slight bulges on the back of a dress were unflattering and would make people bully me, until she said that i needed to lose weight and exercise more. (for context on how ridiculously fatphobic this is. im skinny. i have high metabolism. but that's not enough for her)

the worst part is that she has no idea how harmful this stuff is. she thinks this is how to show she cares. that she's doing it for us. to the point where i feel bad putting this rant out onto the internet where like 5 people will see it. but then. just bc i know she loves me doesnr mean i feel like im loved.

like. im not even allowed to be tired or stressed without her saying how her job is so much worse so she has it so much worse (not like she witnessed my mental breakdown aged 15 not like she's accompanied me to mental health appointments for anxiety). we both had covid at the same time and whenever i was like "damn i feel like shit" well guess who felt like even more shit? and she always says how we get more days off if we're sick and it's like. you control how many sick days you have. plus she'll complain about how she never gets to rest and stuff but like i see her resting???? and also. im expected to still help out if we've gone on a long hike all day (i have severe joint pain) but im meant to be able to continue past that and not let it stop me

also neither her or my dad will say the word autism. it's always "neurodivergent" "neurodiverse" (why i not always a fan of "neurodivergent traits are x") they won't tell my siblings i cant discuss my pending diagnosis with them in front of my siblings like it's some bad thing that needs to be hidden. bro its just autism.

idk my main issue is that she complains about how i sit around on my phone/reading and it's like. well. do you even know how much i have to distract myself to stay alive. but she's really fucking annoying when she's concerned for my wellbeing (like toxic positivity. meditate do yoga solve all your problems type shit). lmao whatever whatever im going to uni this year

[linggluu]

2023 wrap up!

i just woke up from an hour log nap because i've had this migraine since tuesday :D (not covid) but i needed to get this all out with a nice, one direction comfort playlist in the background. what a year i have lived.

january - went on my first work trip (flying) in my life to north dakota! the bad thing about the NE is that you CAN drive everywhere. i've driven all up and down the east coast just for work , and my customers are literally 20 minutes from my office so i can always drive there but january was the first week i had to fly

february - started going to the gym consistently for the first time since middle school with my best friend. this lasted all the way until july but i'm still in the habit :)

march - discovered the strange tales of the tang dynasty. refreshing bc i haven't watched an (ancient) mystery/thriller in such a long time. lu ling feng and i share a last name! I NEVER SHARE THE SAME NAME WITH ANY ONE IN A CDRAMA.

april - big fight with jeff. discussing our future and how much $$ we're gonna need if we're actually going to get a house. he thought i shouldn't be bitching because i have a "good job" which made a good salary. whoa buddy, i have to keep myself alive. this was a fight that last months especially because he's in florida right now with NO JOB and NOT finishing his degree. at least pick ONE and do it. Someone has to stress around here and it clearly ain't him. am i wasting my time? we've known each other for so long, we are comfortable with each other other, if we dated other people we'd both be crushed? but i don't think we have the same goals.

may - delia still in the office. she's afraid of calling customers to tell them about deliveries. she's afraid of talking to drivers. she was so hard to train because she WOULD not pick up the phone. and she ate all the snacks in the office. and she ordered so much so stuff for herself because it was free. 5 months in and she was still afraid to talk to people. maybe this isn't the job for you? she got transferred out of my office THANK GOD

june - tensions rising in the house again. $$. getting married. my mom is getting on my nerves because she thinks i'm getting behind in life because i'm 30 and not married. and she wants me to get married BY my birthday in October or in December or by January. i'm not ready, i'm not in the mindset. she needs money, she also needs an ego boost of saying "my kid is married". i'm tired of coming home and walking on eggshells, wondering when she'll come and bother me. i'm tired of her sharing stress on me. i'm tried of her asking me for money all the time because i can't save. she keeps asking when i'm gonna bring jeff over but i never have because i don't want associating the good thing in my life with the bad thing. without the restaurant, she's even more annoying.

july - my mom started asking for $ again. A bulk of my check every month. my career and finances are finally getting steady because i'm in a nice groove now and i can save. stop asking me for money! the shitty thing is i found out my sis was slowly moving stuff out (she found an apartment of her own in may , i also found a house.) but she was denying it smh rude. my mom stopped me from moving out but not lili because i'm soft. and because "i owed her an explanation about jeff" . i don't owe her shit and i don't want to tell her anything about my personal life.

i moved all my shit out on July 7th which was a Friday. I was in the middle of a move while mom called me and cheerfully asked about if we were going to RI over the weekend and i faked it. liz helped me move and got me stuff for the room. air purifier, clothing rack, a mixer, a clothing chest thingy. i'm so lucky to have her.

that whole day was was so exhausting and terrifying because i was trying to move all my shit out while she was at work. a few days before this sister and brother in law gave me a spare bed and desk for free. they also helped me rent a box truck to get all this over. forever grateful. but at the end of that friday night, i was so exhausting i was SHAKING. then i typed out a long text message to my mom and shut off the phone.

i was afraid to turn it out, i cried all night because what kind of daughter ditches her parents like that and lies? i was so miserable that first night and first week. i was on the phone with liz all night and she was about to come sleep over.

why doesn't my mom ever ask stan for money? god i'm tired.

哭完以后还是一条好汉。

august - my mom kept calling me but i kept ignoring her. i didn't read her text message reply but one message i read she said 你真的狗卑鄙. how dramatic do you have to be? you used me my whole life to work my entire life , denied me of many opportunities and i didn't have the balls to leave until my younger siblings left because i was still trying to be a good daughter. life goes on. went on vacation to Philly with Lili and Stan at the end of august. my roommates C and K are nice :) one is a teacher one works for the state. both nice and clean girls just trying to live out here. everyone is clean, respects each other's privacy and safe. K has a cat named Gnocchi who totally runs the house. i love him ;;

september - life is settling in to a nice groove. work. gym. home. 三点一线。C is taiwanese so we get along great - culturally + food ;; she asked me to go to the cat shelter bc she wants to adopt another cat. this was the right choice. i make enough $$ to rent an apartment like lili but still the bulk of one check. not that worth it. i'm so lucky i found this older house. we all have our own rooms and i got the garage spot. the house is also owned by the same landlord who owns the apartment complex behind us! lawn, snow all done by him! i made the right choice. to live with roommates and kind of experience that college life i never got to experience, except it's work and i go to work now instead of class. is it weird or nah. but it's a good feeling. i don't like to be lonely and jeff's not here and all my friends are doing their own things and we live every where.

october - birthday month! i'm 31 and i'm fucking old. life is good in terms i don't have to come back to stress or the pressure of getting married or giving up my pay check like i'm still in high school. started rewatching naruto yay. still learning how to be an account manager. drivers and alberto and james and joe piss me off . i'm still too soft.

somewhere between october and november , i visited pioneer again. i miss it so much. i miss making medicine.

november - made up with jeff. we're going to his friend chris's wedding in july , the same weekend as jeff's birthday. lili also gave me her gaming pc. been playing games :D jeff also recommended me some games to get. thanksgiving was chill. went to boston with chelsea. spent too much money and time was too short. yay.

december - all of a sudden, it's the last day of december.

K had an Xmas party two weeks ago. I invited Lila, Sara and Liz. We ended up watching 一念关山 in my room. Christine stayed in her room and didn't mingle. For both Xmas and New Year's Chelsea asked if I wanted to spend it with her family but on Xmas I spent it with sibs and right now, I've been sick since LAST Saturday. I'm so grateful to her because she knows i'm not with family.

started back our ksll group chat. i miss my friends.

All in all, this was a crazy year. but i think i'm happy.

2024 goals:

lose weight (specifically 40-50 pounds by July) it's gonna be rough ugh

amp up my resume. promotion? new job?

save money/be more responsible about money

have a healthier life style

travel more.

deuces.

here's to 2024 i guess.

[aliashowl]

i got a new job but on my last day of the job i’ve worked for 5 years i had to leave early bc i got a migraine and my manager essentially was just like “oh okay well nice working with you” meanwhile when two other people who spent a long time there left she cried, gave them a card, even bought a shirt to be silly and dress like one of them. idk it felt so underwhelming that they didn’t even give me a card?? like ??