#it fulfills me because i know i won't have to fear anything. it is in His hands

[777rare]

RANDOM ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.12

THESE NOTES ARE ONLY A STUDY OF MINE AND HAS/HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN YET, SO IF IT DOES NOT RESONATE WITH YOU, FORGIVE ME AS IT WAS ONLY A STUDY/OBSERVATION OF MINE.

I DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS' POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN.

THIS POST HAS 18+ OBSERVATIONS AS WELL, so please be cautious if you choose to read further.

Mars in the 2nd house natives are very very competitive in nature. Anything and everything is a competition to them. 🙉😵‍💫

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Venus in the 3rd house natives are very good at flirting. My friend has this and he really says things that make me blush...and makes me wanna crush his face lol. 🥴😩

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Mercury in the 2nd house natives usually make promises a lot but quite often don't fulfill them or forget about them later on. They are more Talk, less Walk. 😮‍💨👍

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Sun in the 12th house natives are curious about sex and 18+ stuff at a very very young age. By that, I don't always mean losing your virginity at a young age. I mean learning about all this and being curious about it at a very young age, like at the age you are not supposed to be thinking about all this. 🙇‍♀️😶

EXAMPLE: I have this placement too and yes, I was at least 5 years old when I wondered whether people had intercourse (even though I didn't know it was called that, at that time)...yeah, when I found out they actually did, I was like EW and then I was like "DAMN. EW but WOAH" and was even more curious and learnt a lot about everything before I turned 10 years old. I did feel ashamed that I had such curiosities at such a raw age, but I am trying to accepted it through Shadow Work 🤧. NO. I never had "it", don't jump to conclusions people. ✋🙂

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Fire sign Venus natives crave reciprocation in relationships, otherwise they don't want the relationship at all. If they remember the small things about you, they want you to remember the small things about them as well.

If you send them a song, they will send you a song back as a message. You'll know a fire Venus native actually likes you or even Loves you for that matter, if they reciprocate your actions. 🔥🫂

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An Earth Mars woman likes a man who can stand up for her. Not a coward or a man who runs the minute she has problems. An Earth Mars woman craves a man who would protect her when she can't, mainly Capricorn Mars ladies. 💁‍♀️🤺

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In any kind of synastry, be it with a friend, a family member, a lover, an acquaintance, etc, 8th house SATURN overlay will always either:

Cause the Saturn person to intentionally or unintentionally hurt the house person, making their insecurities and fears worser. The house person will love and hold the Saturn person in high regards despite being hurt several times. 😕🤧

The Saturn person and the house person will be the ones calming each others insecurities and fears, being the ones proving them wrong. They will the first person in eachother's lives who prove those insecurities wrong and will prove to eachother that people like both of them exist. 🫂✨

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Saturn in the 5th house natives don't just wanna have flings, random hook-ups and one night stands with anyone. They want down bad serious relationships where they will only have sex with their committed partner. Sure, they will find some chapter attractive, but they won't give it all for just anyone. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🤌

Usually these individuals are afraid of not pleasing their partner in bed and not being fun for their partner. These natives are afraid that their partners will get bored of them one day. They also are sort of afraid of physical intimacy because they don't think they look good enough naked and their partner will judge their body. 🥲😮‍💨

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Mercury in 2nd house or Taurus natives are more logical thinking and have a more realistic approach towards life while Mercury in 12th house or Pisces natives are more dreamy and kinda delulu with their approach towards life and also have more emotional thinking.

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I know damn well I have 8th house synastry with someone either when:

I instantly find them hard to look away from and when we catch eye contact, we just keep looking at each other. It's like no name is required, just two strangers talking to each other through their eyes. [BENEFIC OVERLAYS]

When I am annoyed by their presence for no damn reason, like I just hate looking at their face and hearing them talk, and they clearly hate me too from their body language and behavior around me. [MALEFIC OVERLAYS]

Personally, I also know damn well I'm always the house person *emotional damage* 🥲👍.

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In composite chart and synastry chart, I feel like Moon plays a very important role in showing the emotional connection, understanding and reliability between both the individuals. When Moon sits in reciprocation houses (2nd,4rth,6th,8th, or 12th) both the individuals take each other seriously when it comes to emotions.

If the Composite chart has Cancer rising, then the connection revolves around emotional dependency and emotional depth but the connection will be very unsteady and unpredictable.

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6th house synastry (BENEFIC PLACEMENTS) is actually so so fun and beautiful, both the individuals love spending time with each other. The planet person brings a lot of new things to the life of the house person, especially if Uranus is there.

The house person usually shows their affection through Acts of Service, like opening the door for you, letting you take a seat first, helping you carry your bags, helping you learn something, making you cookies, etc.

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Saturn in sexual houses (5th,8th, or 12th), Inner planets in Capricorn or Aquarius, or Saturn's connection with those house lords definitely is an indicator that chains, being tied up, tying up their partner, being put on their knees or putting their partner on their knees, their sexual discipline being tested by their partner or them testing their partners sexual discipline, etc are all part of the natives kinks and desires in bed.

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Moon in Capricorn or Aquarius or 10th/11th house can also have, being tied up, chained and having their discipline tested by their partner be a huge turn on and desire for them, in bed. When I say discipline, I mean them obeying their partner when their partner tells them not to cum to test if they would listen to them, stuff like that.

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Is it me or are all Aquarius Sun or Moon very very slow in responding to texts most of the time? Like personally, I am so tired of answering texts and I spend so much time doing nothing instead of answering them lmao.

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Is anyone else not just a particular zodiac sign by birth but also has both their inner planets, Sun and Moon in their birth Zodiac? Comment down if you do, cuz I am an AQUARIUS Sun and Moon and I am born and AQUARIAN. If you checked my blood with a microscope, you'd find Aquarius written all over hahahaha 😂🙌.

If yes, then you purely behave like that zodiac sign, even if you have a Day chart or Night chart.

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The driest texters possible on planet Earth are Aquarius Saturn or 11th house Saturn. They are the natives who text short or take a long time to text back. Most of the time they read messages but don't respond back. These natives, most of the time, prefer offline conversation over online texting.

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You can't deny this, Moon in 11th house or Aquarius individuals are amazing at sexting. It's in their blood to naturally turn their partner on with just a few flirty texts. These natives like sexting too because they like making their their partner imagine what they would do with them and not do it with them for real lol. Perfect illusion 🤫😂.

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Taurus placements or 2nd house placements (esp. Stellium) love Desert's and chocolate. They love waffles and donuts and stuff like that. These placements love eating food in general and if you judge them for it, they'll eat you too😂🤫 jkjk.

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I've observed that a person with Exalted Mars or developed Mars has a good spice tolerance while Debilitated Mars or underdeveloped Mars has quite a weak spice tolerance. Other Mars placements and signs have an average spice tolerance.

My sister has Mars in Taurus in the 3rd house and she LOVES spicy food, like she wants the level of spice that would make her tounge fall off lol 🔥😭. While one of my friend has underdeveloped Scorpio Mars in 2nd house and he cannot tolerate spice AT ALL.

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Uranus in the 12th house will most definitely cause sleeping issues. Why? Most people say, it's because it's underdeveloped in this house but I think Uranus is a very active planet, a planet that only keeps moving and jumping here and there.

In my head, I see Uranus as this young kindergarten boy who's hyperactive and can't decide what he wants for sure. So when you Uranus sits in the 12th house, a house of mental and subconscious work, a house where planets are deserted and left in the fog, a house where there's more subconscious work than physical, Uranus get's frustrated and suppressed here.

It's like expecting the child to relax and observe instead of jumping so much. Well, Uranus is also a rebel so he will try his level best to go against this house which will affect the native. How? The native will have a very wavering subconscious, always thinking and thinking, about something or the other. Even in the native's sleep, the native is made to see his/her future events, further making the subconscious work even more than it should.

Uranus will disrupt the mental peace and subconscious of the native, making the native constantly analyze every detail of events and dreams in their life. These natives find it hard to rest in their sleep because their astral body is very active and roams everywhere during their sleep causing the native to wake up tired.

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Thankyou for reading through this today, I hope you have a wonderful day ahead. I am forever grateful for all your love and support.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I do want to make it clear that I don't judge people, in many ways, for assuming that made in g-d's image is literal because in many ways, I take that literally. I think g-d weeps with me, and He sings with me, and He feels things. I think g-d has so many human qualities, but what makes people unique is that we were made in His image with the qualities of being human. We eat, and sleep, and grow old and die whereas g-d doesn't. I don't think that humans and g-d are the same, but when I conceptualize g-d (despite knowing it's impossible), I'd like to think that g-d sits across from me while I eat, gossiping about the video games I'm playing, laughing about some dumb joke, or crying with me when it's all too much, when life is too much.

So, I've been thinking about the nature of conversion and transition, and I think a lot of trans ger and trans converts will relate with the idea of not being born as something but becoming it.

In many ways, I think people almost... don't understand what "created in g-d's image" means. I hesitate to say "don't understand," but I don't know how to explain myself better. What I mean is that I think people take it too literally, in a weird sense. I don't think g-d makes you fully-formed, g-d lets you grow. What I think "made in g-d's image" means is that He gave us the attributes to understand ourselves, to learn, and to explore. I don't think g-d necessarily made me any gender, He gave me the intelligence to understand I can become a man, that I want to Be one. And g-d didn't make me a non-jew for any particular reason, perhaps, but He gave me the ability to discern that I want to Be a jew.

In many ways, I think the ideas about "made in His image" is about how we were given the ability to understand the world. It isn't about, necessarily, being Literally Unable to change, to be something else. I don't think I'm, like, ultimately correct, but I've been thinking about the similarities between transitioning gender and almost transitioning to being a jew.

[dulcet-aurora]

most ardently . dc men x reader ⸼ ࣪ ✿ ❛ dc men as classic literature leads. ❜

⸼ ࣪ ✿ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔. tragic romance, the literature slut in me coming out. ⸼ ࣪ ✿ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕. 7.3k. ⸼ ࣪ ✿ 𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔. @di-lucss, @ephemerensis, @dollishmehrayan, @aangelinakii. ⸼ ࣪ ✿ 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆'𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓. i am a whore for classic literature. i kept the name of some of the other characters in the stories the same because i can't find it in me to change them. dialogue belongs to the respective authors, though the narration belongs to me. plagiarism is prohibited. (also yes i know that the importance of being earnest is a play so shut up.) also rip bruce you will be in the next one i just did NOT have the energy.

RICHARD ❛ DICK ❜ GRAYSON. 我 ⸼ ࣪ ✿ algernon moncrieff. ❪ the importance of being earnest ❫ — oscar wilde. 1895.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"𝒘hat a fearful liar you are, jason," dick scolded jason as alfred made his way back into the house. after proclaiming his love to you, jason's ward and his responsibility left to him by your late grandfather, the latter had promptly called his butler for dick's things to be packed up as he had been suddenly called back to bludhaven. "i have not been called back to town at all."

"yes, you have," jason replied curtly.

"i haven't heard anyone call me," dick reasoned.

"your duty as a gentleman calls you back." jason turned his back to him and went about pacing the garden, fulfilling aimless tasks of no importance life adjusting leaves on plants or examining trees.

"my duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree." dick said with a hint of protest spilling off his words. his shoes hit the floor as he tried to regain jason's attention.

"i can quite understand that," jason quipped.

dick stopped promptly. "well, [ name ] is a darling," he said, his mind flooding of the image of you, the girl he'd met so shortly ago yet his heart beat so wildly for.

jason crossed his arms over his chest, his stony gaze locked on his brother. "you are not to speak of my ward like that. i do not like it."

"well, i don't like your clothes. you look perfectly ridiculous in them." dick sassed, mimicking his brother's motion of arms folded in front of him. he waved a hand, "why on earth don't you go up and change?

jason looked down at his attire, finding no problem with it. he opened his mouth to protest, only for dick to prattle on, "it is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest. i call it grotesque."

insulted, jason rolled his eyes, "you are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else." he said, his tone so packed together with adamancy that there was no room left for debate. "you have got to leave... by the four-five train."

"i certainly won't leave you so long as you are in mourning," dick said. "it would be most unfriendly. if i were in mourning you would stay with me, i suppose. i should think it very unkind if you didn't."

jason sighed, "well, would you go if i changed my clothes?"

dick pondered this for a moment before letting out a breath to let the winds know he had reached a conclusion. "yes, if you are not too long. i never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result."

"well, at any rate, that is better than being always over-dressed as you are." jason retorted.

"if i am occasionally a little over-dressed, i make up for it by being always immensely over-educated." dick said, his voice swelling with pride.

jason, however, took none of it, shoving it right back at his brother. "your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd. however, you have got to catch the four-five, and i hope you will have a pleasant journey back to town. this bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you." and with that, he stormed back into the house.

"i think it has been a great success." dick soliloquized dreamily, hearts blossoming like petals in his eyes, "i'm in love with [ name ], and that is everything. but i must see her before i go," dick whispered to himself, "and make arrangements for another bunbury."

as if the angels themselves heard his claim, out came you, his beloved who had occupied every thought that conjured in his head ever since he arrived at jason's estate. you walked out in your gown, red and white fabric flowing down your figure like candy. your delicate hands held a watering can that laid a crystal stream of water into beckoning soil, the flowers seeming to bloom a little brighter under your sweet gaze. the sunlight kissed your skin as softly and delicately as dick wished to kiss you, giving your gentle features a glow that only heaven could shine upon its inhabitants. your skirts swished at your feet like currents, swaying in harmony with your hair that the wind pushed through and brushed back over your shoulders. how dick wished he was the wind, how he wished his fingers were the breeze so he could touch you so intimately yet so freely.

"ah, there she is." he murmured to himself. he made his way over to you and gently tapped you on the shoulder.

you turned around, and dick's heart skipped. "oh, i merely came back to water the roses. i thought you were with jason," you said timidly.

"he's gone to order the dog-cart for me," dick said.

you blinked. "oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive?"

dick shook his head solemnly, "he's going to send me away."

"then we have to part?" you took hold of his arm, delicate fingers pressing into his bicep, your hold so soft yet so gripping. the sparkle in your eyes went dark like a bucket thrown over a flame. dick hated to see you upset for any reason the world threw at you, but if he had to choose one reason for your sadness, it would be his departure.

"i am afraid so," dick said. "it is a very painful parting."

your gaze fell to the earth below you, your shoes, the cobblestone, the moss peeking out between the path. "it is always painful to part from people whom one has known for a very brief space of time. the absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity. but even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable."

dick brushed a hand against your cheek, "thank you."

alfred came trotting out back into the garden, his eyes transfixed on you. "the dog-cart is at the door, sir."

"it can wait, alfred," you said softly, gazing up into dick's eyes. "for... five minutes."

alfred nodded. "yes, miss."

as the butler walked off, dick turned back to you. the rays of the sun bounced playfully off his eyes and your breath caught and for a moment you had to remind yourself in bliss that he loved you. "i hope, [ name ], i shall not offend you if i state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection."

"i think your frankness does you great credit, ernest. if you will allow me, i will copy your remarks into my diary." you sauntered over to the table where your journal lay, along with a lovely feather pen lying on the cover.

"do you really keep a diary? i’d give anything to look at it." dick perched up on his tiptoes in attempts to peek over the cover to see the contents. "may i?"

your eyes widened in defense, clutching the diary to your chest. "oh, no." your hand pressed against the cover. "you see, it is simply a very young girl’s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication. when it appears in volume form i hope you will order a copy. but pray, ernest, don’t stop. i delight in taking down from dictation. i have reached 'absolute perfection'.

upon dick's somewhat flabbergasted face, you opened your diary and poised your pen, waving an energetic hand for him to continue. "you can go on. i am quite ready for more."

dick startled himself back to his senses, coughing quickly. "ahem, ahem!"

"oh, don’t cough, ernest. when one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough." you scolded with a frown. you added in a mumble that dick found adorable, "besides, i don’t know how to spell a cough."

he spoke quickly as your hand scrambled to copy down all his words in time with his voice. he rubbed his hands together and shifted his weight back and forth, "[ name ], ever since i first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, i have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly."

you looked up from your journal, big sparkling eyes peering over the top of your diary. "i don’t think that you should tell me that you love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly." you critiqued. "hopelessly doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it?"

"[ name ]!" dick cried out desperately, followed by your giggles.

alfred made yet another appearance, slotting himself in between yourself and dick. "the dog-cart is waiting, sir," he spoke, his eyes stoic despite the nonsense unfolding before his eyes.

"tell it to come round next week, at the same hour." dick said, his eyes never leaving you.

alfred didn't question it, there was no room between the adoration dick and his beloved had for each other for any speculation. "yes, sir."

JASON TODD. 我 ⸼ ࣪ ✿ heathcliff. ❪ wuthering heights ❫ — emily brontë. 1849.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝒕here was no saving you. your hair had thinned, your gaze had shifted from the light that bathed the flowers that bloomed within your home to a void far beyond this life. the breeze ruffled petals and pages of a book alike, bound words left by someone who clearly didn't know you at all, as you had never interested yourself in reading. jason knelt by your bed, tenderly cupping your face and embracing you in a kiss so deep the pacific ocean would've lived the rest of its days in envy of it. you returned his kisses with dying lips, a weak hand coming to brush over his jaw.

jason pulled away with the fire of anguish burning in his eyes, cradling your pretty face with hands that were stained with the blood and tears of so many. "oh, [ name ]! oh, my life! how can i bear it?"

you leaned back, your glassy eyes managing a flicker of confusion. "what now?" you said, your eyes cloudy and brow furrowed. "you and edgar have broken my heart, jason! and you both come to bewail the deed to me, as if you were the people to be pitied! i shall not pity you, not i. you have killed me—and thriven on it, i think. how strong you are! how many years do you mean to live after i am gone?"

jason's eyes stung, leaning down to kiss you once more, but you sank a hand into his hair and gripped it tightly, holding him there.

"i wish i could hold you," you whispered, contempt dripping from your lips. "till we were both dead! i shouldn't care what you suffered. i care nothing for your sufferings. why shouldn't you suffer? i do! will you forget me? will you be happy when i am in the earth? will you say twenty years hence, 'that’s the grave of [ name ] earnshaw? i loved her long ago, and was wretched to lose her; but it is past. i’ve loved many others since: my children are dearer to me than she was; and, at death, i shall not rejoice that i am going to her: i shall be sorry that i must leave them!'"

you glared at him, into those bright, lustrous cerulean eyes that you so loved and therefore loathed. "will you say so, jason?"

jason grit his teeth, tearing his head from your iron grip. your fingers brushed against the white locks that hung on his forehead. "don't torture me till i'm mad as yourself." he demanded. "are you possessed with the devil, to talk in that manner to me when you are dying? do you reflect that all those words will be branded in my memory, and eating deeper eternally after you have left me? you know you lie to say i have killed you: and, catherine, you know that i could as soon forget you as my existence! is it not sufficient for your infernal selfishness, that while you are at peace i shall writhe in the torments of hell?"

"i shall not be at peace," you said fiercely, "i'm not wishing you greater torment than i have, jason. i only wish us never to be parted: and should a word of mine distress you hereafter, think i feel the same distress underground, and for my own sake, forgive me! come here and kneel down again! you never harmed me in your life. nay, if you nurse anger, that will be worse to remember than my harsh words! won’t you come here again? do!"

jason stood up, turning his face from you so you did not see the rage in his eyes. he faced the fireplace, the flickering flames reflecting the anger that took over his sharp features.

you reached a hand out to alfred, who was standing in the corner of the room. "oh, you see, alfie, he would not relent a moment to keep me out of the grave. that is how i'm loved! well, never mind. that is not my jason. i shall love mine yet; and take him with me: he's in my soul. and," you held up a finger. "the thing that irks me most is this shattered prison, after all. i'm tired of being enclosed here. i'm wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there: not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart: but really with it, and in it. nelly, you think you are better and more fortunate than i; in full health and strength: you are sorry for me—very soon that will be altered. i shall be sorry for you. i shall be incomparably beyond and above you all. i wonder he won’t be near me!" you proceeded to soliloquize, "i thought he wished it. jason, dear! you should not be sullen now. do come to me, jason."

even in your sickly state, you stood up and walked slowly towards him. his eyes met yours and your reached out to him desperately and he caught you, gathering you up in his arms like you might slip through his fingers if he loosened his grip. you gripped the back of his neck as his hand held your waist. his other hand enveloped your cheek and rubbed his thumb along your cheekbone repetitively as if to remind himself that you were still there.

"you teach me now how cruel you’ve been—cruel and false. why did you despise me? why did you betray your own heart, [ name ]?" jason demanded. "i have not one word of comfort. you deserve this. you have killed yourself. yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they’ll blight you—they’ll damn you. you loved me—then what right had you to leave me? what right—answer me—for the poor fancy you felt for linton? because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that god or satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of your own will, did it." his tone softened as tears welled up in your eyes, i have not broken your heart—you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. so much the worse for me that i am strong. do i want to live? what kind of living will it be when you—oh, god! would you like to live with your soul in the grave?"

"let me alone, let me alone," you sobbed, holding his face close to yours. "if i've done wrong, i'm dying for it. it is enough! you left me too: but i won't upbraid you! i forgive you. forgive me!"

"it is hard to forgive, and to look at those eyes, and feel those wasted hands," jason answered. "kiss me again; and don’t let me see your eyes! i forgive what you have done to me. i love my murderer—but yours! how can i?"

he held you in his arms, your foreheads pressed against each other. he didn't kiss you, you didn't try to, you just let your head lead against his like you were trying to transfer your thoughts. your thoughts of regret, misery, your thoughts of how much you adored him despite everything he'd put you through.

alfred coughed into his fist, "service is over," he said solemnly. "my master will be here in half an hour."

jason swore under his breath at the mention of your husband, drawing you closer. you nestled your face into his chest, as if trying to be absorbed into him like moisture in soil. you pressed yourself to him so close that you almost missed the sound of alfred's sharp gasp.

"now he is here," alfred said urgently. "for heaven's sake, hurry down! you'll not meet any one on the front stairs. do be quick; and stay among the trees till he is fairly in."

"i must go, [ name ]," jason said, letting his hand drop from your waist. "but if i live, i'll see you again before you are asleep. i won't stray five yards from your window."

"you must not go!" you exclaimed, gripping his collar. your tone turned fierce, "you shall not, i tell you."

"for one hour," jason pleaded, his thumb stroking your waist.

"not for one minute," you said defiantly.

"i must— linton will be up immediately," jason persisted.

he let his arms unravel from around your waist, but you grabbed anywhere you could— his arms, his collar, his chest. you shook your head wildly, "no!" you screamed, "oh, don’t, don’t go. it is the last time! edgar will not hurt us. jason, i shall die! i shall die!"

"damn the fool! there he is," jason cursed. he cradled your face, his face so close to yours that his lips brushed yours as he spoke. "hush, my darling! hush, hush, [ name ]! i’ll stay. if he shot me so, i’d expire with a blessing on my lips."

he held you as your husband's footsteps grew louder as he mounted the stairs. his hands carded through your hair and stroked your sullen cheeks, gazing into your eyes for a final time before your fate was forced by heavy hands to shift.

TIM DRAKE. 我 ⸼ ࣪ ✿ theodore ❛ laurie ❜ laurence. ❪ little women ❫ — louisa may alcott. 1868.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝒕im was tried of wandering about this great big world around by himself, and you knew that. spring was blooming and this season was used to open roofed carriage rides, dancing, promenades on horseback, and he was back in nice for an intended week but you'd woken up with him in your home for the past month instead. you tried your best to please him and succeeded beautifully— because at this point in time tim would buy you everything under the sun if you weren't so stubborn. but he still dreaded your eyes staring upon him with a strange concoction of sorrow and scornful surprise.

"all the rest have gone to monaco for the day. i preferred to stay at home and write letters." you announced, tim's eyes flicking up from his book to see you standing in the doorway. "they are done now, and i am going to valrosa to sketch, will you come?"

he tilted his head, "well, yes, but isn't it a little warm for a long walk?"

"i'm going to have the little carriage, and baptiste can drive, so you'll have nothing to do but hold your umbrella, and keep your gloves nice," you quipped, giving him an exasperated glance.

"then i'll go with pleasure," tim decided. he stood up and held out a hand offering to hold your sketchbook.

you recoiled, snapping your arm into your chest. "don't trouble yourself," you said haughtily, "it's no exertion to me, but you don't look equal to it."

tim raised his eyebrows in more intrigue than offense. you turned on your heel and trotted downstairs and he followed suit, adjusting the cuffs of his sleeves as he went. the carriage sat outside, a beautiful box of alabaster, baby blue, and gold with two shire horses standing proudly at their post. you walked briskly towards the side and positioned your foot on the ledge to sit on the driver's bench.

he offered you his hand as he took his spot behind the reins. you swatted it away and clambered onto the bench as clumsily as a lady could. you have him a polite smile that was doused in annoyance. you and tim didn't argue, for he was too lazy and you were raised too well to spend your time quarrelling aimlessly with a man.

tim gave you a fleeting glance just as your eyes flicked towards his. he gave you a lopsided smile, uneven yet charming. you smiled back, a sense of amicability settling between you. the drive was as lovely as could be, snippets of spring breezing past you like the zephyr from the sunset. valrosa was paradise on earth, with cobblestone walls that crumbled with age, cracks in the stones like smile lines. roses of summer bloomed pristine and pink like the blush of your cheeks. the sun hit the ground with such perfection that you thought that the beams of light were molten wax of candles lit by angels. you and tim were now standing on the terrace, your fingers clutched daintily around a parasol and your sketchbook tucked in the crook of your arm.

"this is a regular honeymoon paradise, isn't it? did you ever see such roses?" you said, admiring the blossoms.

"no, nor felt such thorns," tim mumbled. his eyes flicked over to you, his thumb tucked in his mouth after an unfortunate encounter with the defensive thorns that pricked his skin after he tried to pick one.

you bent down and picked a trio of cream colored blooms, "try lower down, and pick those that have no thorns."

tim's breath caught as you tucked a flower in his buttonhole, your soft hands resting gently on his chest. the pads of your fingers pressed against his shirt, warmth emitting from your fingertips like some sort of reassurance. a peace offering, if anything. his mind had trailed off to steph when he pricked his finger, vivid and bright just like her and the flowers she'd worn in crowns from the greenhouse. the alabaster blossoms you'd handed him were more mellow, softer, like the type laid on a funeral pyre.

the boy looked down at the flower laced through his buttonhole and let the scent waft through his senses, taking the color as some sort of faint omen. he let his fingers brush the petals as he looked down at you. something faint glimmered in his eyes, his fingers twitched to rest on top of yours.

you swallowed and gave him a little smile. "it's good advice, you'd better take it and save your fingers," you quipped, punctuating with a small laugh.

tim's laugh came after yours like an echo. "thank you, i will." he said, his lingering smile seeping into his words.

you settled yourself into a chair, settling your parasol over your shoulder and resting your sketchbook on your lap. you removed your hat and set it on the floor next to the leg of your chair, looking back up "tim, when are you going to your father?" you asked, treading lightly around the subject of bruce. you knew that it was a sensitive subject but you couldn't help but inquire. it wasn't like you were demanding him to leave, but your curiosity could only swell so large.

"very soon," he replied curtly, and you saw his posture stiffen from where he was standing a few feet away.

you frowned, "you have said that a dozen times within the last three weeks."

"i dare say, short answers save trouble." tim said.

"he expects you, and you really ought to go."

"hospitable creature!" tim scoffed. then, softly, "i know it."

"then why don't you do it?" you asked gently.

"natural depravity, i suppose." he shrugged and you waved a hand with a roll of your eyes.

your eyes refocused on him with a spark that tim knew was a warning. he fiddled with his fingers as he replied, "not so bad as it seems, for i should only plague him if i went, so i might as well stay and plague you a little longer, you can bear it better, in fact i think it agrees with you excellently."

you bit the inside of your cheek, opening your sketchbook and closing your parasol. another lecture containing fiery words directed at laurie bubbled in your throat, but you swallowed it. you looked back up at tim, "what are you doing just now?"

tim's eyes wandered aimlessly, looking for anything other than you. "watching lizards."

"no, no," you said quickly, "i mean what do you intend and wish to do?"

"smoke a cigarette, if you'll allow me," he said dryly.

"how provoking you are!" you scolded. "i don't approve of cigars and i will only allow it on condition that you let me put you into my sketch. i need a figure."

"with all the pleasure in life." tim gave you a lazy grin, crossing one of his legs over the other and tilting his chin up. "how will you have me, full length or three-quarters, on my head or my heels? i should respectfully suggest a recumbent posture, then put yourself in also and call it 'dolce far niente'."

"stay as you are, and go to sleep if you like," you said, a glimmer of excitement in your eyes. "i intend to work hard."

tim grinned, "what delightful enthusiasm!" he flicked his bangs out of his eyes and leaned stylishly against an urn with an air of cockiness.

"what would steph say if she say you now?" you said with an air of urgency, hoping to really get tim into the mood to be your muse.

"as usual, 'go away, timothy, i'm busy!'" he laughed as he spoke, but you could tell it was forced. steph's name was like salt sprinkled in the wound she'd left on tim, each grain representing the way he'd begged for her hand and her downright refusal. you saw a shadow pass over his face even though no clouds stained the sky.

"you look like the effigy of a young knight asleep on his tomb," you declared, carefully tracing the shape of his face on a fresh sheet of paper in your sketchbook.

"wish i was!" he exclaimed.

"that's a foolish wish, unless you have spoiled your life." you said. "you are so changed, i sometimes think—" you paused, your eyes shimmering with a mix of hesitation and wistfulness.

tim smiled at you, a warm reassurance that settled over you and bled into your chest like ink. his eyes met yours, crystalline pools of aquamarine that were soft and earnest and made the edges of your tone soften. "it's all right, ma'am," he said, his tone cordial and gentle.

"i'm glad of that!" you said, your heart warm. "i didn't think you'd been a very bad boy, but i fancied you might have wasted money at that wicked baden-baden, lost your heart to some charming frenchwoman with a husband, or got into some of the scrapes that young men seem to consider a necessary part of a foreign tour. don't stay out there in the sun, come and lie on the grass here and 'let us be friendly', as steph used to say when we got in the sofa corner and told secrets."

tim sat down at the foot of your chair with a bouquet of daisies and took your hat, threading the stems between the ribbon. "i'm ready for all the secrets," he murmured, glancing up with you.

"i have none to tell," you replied. "you may begin."

"haven't one to bless myself with." he said breezily. "i thought perhaps you'd had some news from home."

"you have heard all that has come lately." you said with a sigh, "don't you hear often? i fancied steph would send you volumes."

"she's very busy. i'm roving about so, it's impossible to be regular, you know." tim swallowed and quickly changed the subject. "when do you begin your great work of art, raphaella?"

"never," you answered. "rome took all the vanity out of me, for after seeing the wonders there, i felt too insignificant to live and gave up all my foolish hopes in despair."

"why should you, with so much energy and talent?" he inquired.

"that's just why, because talent isn't genius, and no amount of energy can make it so." you said with a trace of bitterness. "i want to be great, or nothing. i won't be a common-place dauber, so i don't intend to try any more."

"and what are you going to do with yourself now, if i may ask?"

"polish up my other talents, and be an ornament to society, if i get the chance." you said in a low voice, staring at your lap.

tim smiled, and the conversation shifted to mr. vaughn, the man who had asked for your hand. it was a light subject, one that piqued tim's curiosity and a common topic of small talk.

"you are not engaged, i hope?" tim asked timidly at one point, his fingers brushing back his bangs.

you shook your head with a quiet "no."

"but you will be," tim guessed. "if he comes back and goes properly down on his knees, won't you?"

"very likely."

"then you are fond of the man?"

"i could be, if i tried."

"but you don't intend to try till the proper moment? bless my soul, what unearthly prudence! he's a good fellow, amy, but not the man i fancied you'd like."

"he is rich, a gentleman, and has delightful manners," you said coolly, trying to quell the bubble of shame within you at your true intentions.

"i understand. queens of society can't get on without money, so you mean to make a good match, and start in that way? quite right and proper, as the world goes, but it sounds odd from the lips of one of your mother's girls."

"true, nevertheless."

a silence sat between the two of you like the particles of sunlight dappling in the air for a moments. a warm breeze ruffled your curls and threatened to send the pages of your sketchbook fluttering to a close. you pressed your fingers to keep your pages before speaking again.

"i wish you'd do me the favor to rouse yourself a little," you said sharply.

"do it for me, there's a dear girl."

"i could, if i tried." and you seemed all too prepared to.

"try, then. i give you leave," tim shot back with a glimmer in his eyes. he enjoyed teasing you all too much, it was his favorite pastime and he hadn't wasted his time doing it in a while.

"you'd be angry in five minutes."

"i'm never angry with you." tim stretched his hands over his head in an awfully casual manner despite his words sending your heart slamming against your ribs. "it takes two flints to make a fire. you are as cool and soft as snow."

"you don't know what i can do." you said quietly, looking away to calm the blush flooding your cheeks. "snow produces a glow and a tingle, if applied rightly. your indifference is half affectation, and a good stirring up would prove it."

"stir away, it won't hurt me." tim said with a grin, and his smile only broadened as you looked back at him.

DAMIAN WAYNE. 我 ⸼ ࣪ ✿ mr. fitzwilliam darcy. ❪ pride and prejudice ❫ — jane austen. 1813.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"𝒎r. wayne, i am a very selfish creature; and, for the sake of giving relief to my own feelings, care not how much i may be wounding yours." you scolded damian, your voice sharp. your gaze was tilted up at him, the top of your head barely reaching his shoulders but the bite in your tone seemed to make up the difference in height. your steps moved in perfect time with his as you walked in tandem in the direction of the lucas estate. their abode was ahead but instantly seemed further away than it actually was with the speech packed with emotion as tightly as the molecules that made up your hand. the hand that you so wish would slap damian across the face or cradle his jaw between your fingers. "i can no longer help thanking you for your unexampled kindness to my poor sister. ever since i have known it, i have been most anxious to acknowledge to you how gratefully i feel it. were it known to the rest of my family, i should not have merely my own gratitude to express."

damian's green eyes were narrow by nature, split through his tanned skin like emerald eyes on a dragon of rust, focused on you with the most curious concoction that lingered in the limbo between sorrow and exasperation. "i am sorry, exceedingly sorry," he said, the words escaping his lips in ribbons of silk. "that you have ever been informed of what may, in a mistaken light, have given you uneasiness. i did not think mrs. gardiner was so little to be trusted."

"you must not blame my aunt." you interjected. "my sister's thoughtlessness first betrayed to me that you had been concerned in the matter; and, of course, i could not rest till i knew the particulars. let me thank you again and again, in the name of all my family, for that generous compassion which induced you to take so much trouble, and bear so many mortifications, for the sake of discovering them."

damian let out a clipped breath, the acid of sorrow dissolving the irritation in his eyes and leaving his green eyes pools of misery. "if you will thank me," he said softly, "let it be for yourself alone. that the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, i shall not attempt to deny. but your family owe me nothing. much as i respect them, i believe i thought only of you."

the edge if your voice dulled. all words bubbled down in your throat in embarrassment, the anger you initially felt melting into flush and seeping into your cheeks.

"you are too generous to trifle with me." damian continued softly, his pride sinking into the depths of his stomach. "if your feelings are still what they were last april, tell me so at once. my affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever."

you felt your inward compass shatter, but not so much snap in half by chance but crumpled but your fist as you had no intention of reaching the lucases now. the air between the two of you was charged with thought and with feeling. the silence was loud in the way nails were on a chalkboard, screeching and annoying and all you wanted to do was to make it stop.

"it taught me to hope," damian said at one point, "as i had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope before. i knew enough of your disposition to be certain that, had you been absolutely, irrevocably decided against me, you would have acknowledged it to lady catherine, frankly and openly."

you flushed again and tried to shove it down with a laugh, "yes, you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that. after abusing you so abominably to your face, i could have no scruple in abusing you to all your relations."

"what did you say of me, that i did not deserve?" damian asked with a gentle tilt of his head. his pride was buried deep in his ribs, tucked behind his heart that beat so freely for you instead of being caged by his ego. "for, though your accusations were ill-founded, formed on mistaken premises, my behaviour to you at the time had merited the severest reproof. it was unpardonable. i cannot think of it without abhorrence."

"we will not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening," you said curtly. "the conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but since then, we have both, i hope, improved in civility."

"i cannot be so easily reconciled to myself. the recollection of what i then said, of my conduct, my manners, my expressions during the whole of it, is now, and has been many months, inexpressibly painful to me." damian said. "your reproof, so well applied, i shall never forget: 'had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.'" he chuckled at the memory, more an exhale than a laugh, but came out angled with the faint smile that graced his lips. he continued, "those were your words. you know not, you can scarcely conceive, how they have tortured me;—though it was some time, i confess, before i was reasonable enough to allow their justice."

"i was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong an impression. i had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a way." you replied.

"i can easily believe it." damian said, flicking his dark hair out of his eyes. "you thought me then devoid of every proper feeling, i am sure you did. the turn of your countenance i shall never forget, as you said that i could not have addressed you in any possible way that would induce you to accept me."

"oh! do not repeat what i then said." you gasped, placing a dainty hand on her chest. "these recollections will not do at all. i assure you that i have long been most heartily ashamed of it."

damian's lips twitched in amusement. his confidence wavered as he shifted the subject to the letter he had sent you. "did it," he said, almost timidly, "did it soon make you think better of me? did you, on reading it, give any credit to its contents?"

you thought back to the letter. your perspective on damian had changed significantly, your previous prejudices evaporated like steam and now replaced with not a blazing inferno but a quiet warmth. you told him just that.

"i knew," damian hesitated and he twisted the ring around his fingers in an anxious, jerky circle, "that what i wrote must give you pain, but it was necessary. i hope you have destroyed the letter. there was one part especially, the opening of it, which i should dread your having the power of reading again. i can remember some expressions which might justly make you hate me."

"the letter shall certainly be burnt," you quipped. "if you believe it essential to the preservation of my regard; but, though we have both reason to think my opinions not entirely unalterable, they are not, i hope, quite so easily changed as that implies."

"when i wrote that letter," damian began, "i believed myself perfectly calm and cool, but i am since convinced that it was written in a dreadful bitterness of spirit."

"the letter, perhaps, began in bitterness, but it did not end so." you said gently. you noticed the look in his eyes and maintained a soft tone to not shatter the air of vulnerability he was showing to you. "the adieu is charity itself. but think no more of the letter. the feelings of the person who wrote, and the person who received it, are now so widely different from what they were then, that every unpleasant circumstance attending it ought to be forgotten. you must learn some of my philosophy. think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."

damian took a breath, "i cannot give you credit for any philosophy of the kind. your retrospections must be so totally void of reproach, that the contentment arising from them is not of philosophy, but, what is much better, of innocence. but with me, it is not so. painful recollections will intrude which cannot, which ought not, to be repelled. i have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. as a child i was taught what was right, but i was not taught to correct my temper. i was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit.

"unfortunately an only son (for many years an only child), i was spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father, particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own." his hands, beautiful tawny hands that longed to hold your waist with the care he had never been shown, "such i was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such i might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest [ name ]!

"what do i not owe you!" he said, his eyes meeting yours with the most emotion you'd ever seen, earnest and kind and oh so loving. "you taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. by you, i was properly humbled. i came to you without a doubt of my reception. you showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased."

damian exhaled, the words that spilled from his lips like a waterfall tumbled over a cliff left him breathless. your voice had run away with his into the setting sun, and you ached to follow them hand in hand with the man you loved.

"had you then persuaded yourself that i should?" you questioned after a beat, your voice barely audible over the sound of your feet hitting the ground.

"indeed i had." replied the boy. "what will you think of my vanity? i believed you to be wishing, expecting my addresses."

"my manners must have been in fault, but not intentionally, i assure you." you gently laid a hand on his arm, your fingers trailing down to his hand like raindrops trickled down a windowpane. "i never meant to deceive you, but my spirits might often lead me wrong. how you must have hated me after that evening?"

"hate you!" damian's voice raised, not in anger— he was never angry with you now— but in pure, unbridled shock. "i was angry perhaps at first, but my anger soon began to take a proper direction."

"i am almost afraid of asking what you thought of me, when we met at that gala." you said. "you blamed me for coming?"

"no indeed; i felt nothing but surprise."

"your surprise could not be greater than mine in being noticed by you." you admitted. "my conscience told me that i deserved no extraordinary politeness, and i confess that i did not expect to receive more than my due."

"my object then," damian replied, "was to show you, by every civility in my power, that i was not so mean as to resent the past; and i hoped to obtain your forgiveness, to lessen your ill opinion, by letting you see that your reproofs had been attended to. how soon any other wishes introduced themselves i can hardly tell, but i believe in about half an hour after i had seen you."

you smiled gently. how you adored damian wayne.

© dulcet-aurora 2025.

[badscienceman]

I saw someone ask what "I hope this hurts" means beyond the obvious, and I started to respond only for it to turn into an essay... Because I don't feel like dumping something so long in some unsuspecting person's notifs, I'm just going to post it here instead.

I started writing this after playing the game, but ended up watching a playthrough because I couldn't remember exactly where "I hope this hurts" was repeated. I think I caught the only few times it was mentioned, but I wouldn't be surprised if I missed something, so feel free to correct me on that or anything else I might have gotten wrong.

Spoilers for the full game and CWs for everything you would expect from discussing Mouthwashing apply.

Edited 10/16/2024 for clarity and some minor issues with formatting. I added sections in hopes of making it more readable, as well as a few more screenshots that I hope will support my points better. *Indicates where I made potentially significant additions to my original analysis.

Part One: Jimmy

Jimmy is someone who has a delicate ego. This means that he's very concerned with how he's perceived by those around him. We see this in how he responds to Curly and the news of the company's closure, which he takes it as a personal attack in spite of it very clearly having nothing to do with him on a personal level.

For people like Jimmy, a threat to one's image (whether it's a matter of their perception of themselves or, maybe worse, the perception others have of them) brings intense emotional pain. Even though it's clear that Curly meant no personal offense, and likely saw more good in Jimmy than was actually there, Jimmy sees this as a great threat to his own image, and thus identity.

To be clear, it's not just that Jimmy thinks Curly is looking down on him. It's also that Jimmy needs his role in the company to maintain his image, and he needs to eventually become captain. This is his ultimate goal because the respect and control that someone like Curly has, in Jimmy's mind, is tied to the title he possesses. And Jimmy wants that. He wants respect, he wants to be listened to, he wants power over others. (This is also why Swansea's final speech is so important, in relation to the belief that if one just reaches this next goal, they might feel a little more human, a little more in control, a little more fulfilled, but as Swansea shows us, that's just not the case. And it's true for Jimmy, too. Jimmy isn't magically fulfilled by obtaining the title of captain.)

But in the beginning, Jimmy has yet to realize that just getting the role of captain won't magically make him a man who is respected, or even a man who is truly in control. He sees no opportunities for himself on earth. The only option is to stay in this company and become a little lord of his own ship... and suddenly that's ripped out from under him. He will never reach the goal he's been chasing for all of this time.

Anya telling him about her pregnancy is the final push he needs to go over the edge.

Part Two: Captain

Returning to the initial reveal that the company is shutting down for a second, I think it's important to keep in mind a few things:

1. The importance of the title of captain in Jimmy's mind.

2. How this extends to his perception of Curly, him being the current captain.

3. Jimmy's self-centeredness preventing him from understanding the feelings and perceptions of those around him.

When Curly says what he does, Jimmy immediately jumps to the conclusion that Curly sees himself as above everyone else (and most importantly, as above Jimmy), to the point of considering them "dirt." I don't think Jimmy is just projecting his greatest fear (being seen as lesser) onto Curly. I think he's projecting his own perceptions.

He's placed all of this importance on the title of captain, and thus Curly. The captain is above Jimmy. Jimmy is beneath him, is lesser. And we know how Jimmy treats those he sees as lesser (first Anya, and then the rest of the crew once he's captain, *manipulating Daisuke into putting his life at risk because Daisuke, who is just an intern after all, just isn't important to Jimmy being an example).

I think this is a fair reading because Jimmy does something similar with Swansea when he insists that Swansea is keeping the last cryostasis pod for himself. I understand some might say that this is just Jimmy's attempt to manipulate Daisuke and Jimmy doesn't actually believe it, which is a fair interpretation, but I sincerely think he believes what he's saying in this instance. And I think that because Jimmy sees selfishness as common sense. It's what he would do were he in Swansea's position, and what makes him giving the pod to Curly significant.

Part Three: Anya

So, Jimmy is already hurt and panicking. He sees his chance at power and thus fulfillment slipping away. And then Anya tells him that she's pregnant.

Anya, who he has shown time and time again that he thinks little of.

Anya, who he clearly sees as beneath him.

Any mention of the pregnancy, no matter how gently it was worded, would immediately feel like a threat to him on multiple levels. And not only that, but a threat from someone lesser than him. His image, his status, his control, his power—it's already slipping from his fingertips. *It's happening right then, in that moment. It's not just a potential future where he's held accountable in a real way (maybe if Anya involved authorities, or if Jimmy was legally responsible for supporting a child once they returned to earth). It's happening now, because his image is crumbling.

For this reason, I believe I hope this hurts to be directed at anyone and everyone that he sees as "threatening" him.

Anya and Curly have made him hurt. He wants to make them hurt.

He doesn't care about Daisuke and Swansea. If anything, he's so caught up in himself and this contorted vision of reality, I wouldn't be shocked if he convinced himself in the moment that they, too, were looking down on him for some reason. (See again, "I know what everyone is thinking. The way they look at me." Obviously this is said in the midst of his spiral, after the crash, but I wouldn't doubt the paranoia was there before that moment.)

He wants to make them hurt as they've hurt him. He may also want to make himself hurt in order to vent out his emotional pain. If not, death may simply be the easiest way to escape pain and the threat the future holds in his mind.

*Part Four: Without the Guilt

In addition to all of this, I think crashing the ship (making them hurt) is his vision of what Curly has done or is doing to him. This is how he "leave(s) the dirt behind."

To understand this, I'm going to include the birthday conversation and the conversation between Jimmy and Curly about crashing the ship.

Jimmy: ... So I guess you got what you wanted. Without the guilt. Curly: Jim... If I had known... Jimmy: I can go back to my, how'd you put it? "Struggle of a life?" Jimmy: Anya never got into medical school because she's... well, let's be real. Jimmy: And how many employment years Swansea got left in him? Jimmy: Daisuke will be fine, mommy and daddy have him covered. So there's that at least. Jimmy: But you. Headed for bigger and better, right? Curly: I'm just... I'm just working on my life being a place I don't have to fucking escape! That's what I was trying to tell you, nothing mor- Jimmy: We're the ones you're trying to escape! Leave the dirt behind now that your boots are clean! Curly: That's not what I meant. Jimmy: It is what you meant. Jimmy: You just couldn't frame it to yourself in a way that kept you as the hero. Jimmy: Abandon the crew but remain the model captain.

To me, this is one of the most important and revealing sections of the game. Jimmy is not only projecting onto Curly, he's telling us exactly what he's going to go on to do (or attempt to do) when he becomes captain.

In addition to this, we see his manipulation on full display as he twists Curly's words and won't allow him even a moment to truly speak beyond a few lines he manages to get in between Jimmy's ranting.

That's not to mention we see the beginning of yet another pattern in Jimmy's behavior: getting a person to admit their weakness, then using it against them and/or using it to hurt them (he does this with Daisuke, for example, when he hears Daisuke's fears/desire for approval and proceeds to use it to get Daisuke in the vent). Here, Curly speaks about feeling trapped. Jimmy will soon trap him in a crashed ship just as much as he traps him in his own body, which Jimmy will proceed to drug. But I'll return to that.

Curly: Jim. I can fix this. Jimmy: What do you think will happen when we get back? Hm? Curly: We can figure all of this out. You and me. Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy: All I ever hear is how great of a leader you are. God, it's so annoying. Jimmy: But, now... What do you think will happen now when we get back? Curly: We'll fix this together. Jimmy: Everything you and I worked for in our lives. Accomplishments, changes. Jimmy: None of it will matter. Curly: You've gotten through difficult situations before. This time won't be any different. Work through it, one day at a time. Jimmy: It's not just me, is it? Jimmy: You were supposed to be the one who had everything under control. You said so yourself. Jimmy: The ship, this crew, everything that happened here... Jimmy: This was your responsibility, Captain. Jimmy: That is what you'll be hearing the rest of your life. Take responsibility. Jimmy: Or this can all be remembered as a tragedy. Jimmy: Despite what must have been the best efforts of its acclaimed captain. Jimmy: The Tulpar crew was never found. Jimmy: No one survived to tell the tale. Take responsibility. Jimmy: You're standing at the top. Jimmy: Feet in cement. Jimmy: I get it now. Right? Curly: ... Curly: ... Right.

This is an important moment, because aside from the scene in which Jimmy is approaching Curly while he's on fire, it's the only other time that I can recall the game separating from their perspectives to allow us to see them both, standing together.

We see a flash of Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy begins to pull away. Another flash. He continues to draw back. Another. He turns towards the cockpit.

Jimmy sees through Curly. He sees Curly's worst where Curly sees only Jimmy's best, and he's more that willing to use that against Curly.

He sees a man who is not going to do what's hard. He sees a man who is going to try to "fix it" only in the most superficial sense. A man who confuses the appearance of cohesion and peace with the reality of it. Someone who sees the rocking of the boat as a manifestation of taking action against a wrong rather than the wrong itself.

In the end, it seems they're both ruled by appearances. And Jimmy will soon rip appearances in every sense from Curly's fingertips. He will make him hurt. He will get his revenge. He'll turn Curly into the villain, taking away his title, his respect, and his very face.

For daring to look down on him, Jimmy will turn Curly into dust.

But I think these words—I hope it hurts—come back to haunt him.

Part Five: The Eye as a Mirror

Like I said, I went back to try to find each time the phrase is used. There's the beginning, of course, but then there's the pregnancy sequence, for lack of a better name.

When the Polle monstrosity emerges from the giant uterus (?), we see these words:

In this sequence, we see a lot of different images and concepts connected: Anya's pregnancy and thus her sexual assault by Jimmy are tied to Polle and the company. The emergence of the Polle monster from the giant uterus (and the idea of the removal of the pregnancy) is tied to the mouthwash, as it's an act of "cleansing." This is all then tied to the phrase I hope this hurts.

Unless I missed something, these are the only two moments when the phrase is used: When Jimmy crashes the ship, and when he's experiencing this hallucination.

All clean! Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth, huh? Through wreckage! Through silence! Wash it away! All day fire fresh!

"Clean" is important immediately. "Leave the dirt behind you now that your boots are clean," Jimmy says. Because in this accusation is Jimmy's actual intentions himself. He wants to rise above others and clean himself from their filth. Now, he wants to clean himself of his sins.

I think "Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth" is mocking him. A direct challenge to the thought that he could ever truly be "cleaned," at least in the ways he's so desperately trying to go about it. *Not to mention how this connects to the mouthwash, as it might get that 99%, but there's always going to be 1% left.

"Through wreckage" obviously refers to the wrecking of the ship, but also of their lives. All by Jimmy. Though I wouldn't doubt in his mind it connects to the wreckage of consequences (ie. Anya's pregnancy resulting from Jimmy's actions).

"Through silence" I feel connects back to Jimmy's attempts to keep everything quiet, both literally and figuratively.

"Wash it away" also has a mocking edge, as if stressing the foolishness of Jimmy's attempts to treat these very serious events as if it's all just "dirt" he can wipe off.

Finally, we see "All day fire fresh!" This line stresses the connection to the mouthwash, of course. It also calls to mind the concept of cleansing by fire. Important considering Curly.

And after each, I hope it hurts. Jimmy's statement of pure, childish rage. His desperate desire to make others hurt as he hurts. To lash out, to get revenge. To have control until the very end.

This is also why Polle haunts him. Because he, as a man desperate for control, will always be under the thumb of the company even with that title of captain. That hurts him. And maybe the closest thing to ever recognizing the evil he's done to Anya is envisioning it as similar to the company's control, but even that feels like a mockery because he's so horrifically incapable of seeing her as a human being that she's been reduced to her womb. That's what he's really afraid of, in the end, and the fear feels like something else is in control. It makes the organ feel giant, larger than him, capable of hurting him.

When I was watching the playthrough, I thought that there was going to be four or five "I hope it hurts." I thought it would represent each person Jimmy hurts, or all of them, because he hurts himself too. When the sixth came, I thought so much for that theory. But then, I thought about it and there's the fetus. That makes six.

So, I hope this hurts means "I want to hurt you the way I've been hurt. The way you've hurt me." It's Jimmy saying that if his life has been wrecked, he'll wreck yours. It's Jimmy saying he'll shut you up. It's Jimmy saying he'll burn everything down if it means he can maintain control, or even just the illusion of it.

Part Six: Pain

But I think there's another side to this. Like some of the other lines I said feel are mocking him, I think I hope this hurts turns against Jimmy, especially here. And more than that, pain (and by extension, pain medication) plays a massive role in the game, after all. So I hope this hurts feels as if it haunts every moment where it's involved.

Jimmy says this the first time he gives Curly his pills. Pain is how we know we're still living.

The pills are clearly connected to death from the start. If "pain is how we know we're still living" then pain is connected to life and freedom from it is connected to death. That's saying nothing of Anya's use of the pills to kill herself. I think this connects back to the crash, as well. If life is pain, death is an escape from it.

I think it's also significant that the act of swallowing the pain pills is in and of itself painful.

The pills that are meant to take the pain away become a method of torturing Curly. It's a way to make him hurt, and to exert control over him. Even something that should take away his suffering is just an extension of it.

At one point, Jimmy says "Once these are out, we'll have nothing to keep him quiet." In this sense, the pain pills are meant to suppress, not to heal (Through silence!). They're supposed to shut Curly up and keep him from expressing his anguish in the only way he has left (the noises that disturb Jimmy's sleep).

Others have compared this, or Curly's state, to how Anya has been forced to bottle up her own suffering. Jimmy is keeping them both quiet, or at least attempting to. The ultimate form of keeping them quiet would be to, of course, kill them all.

The pills can also be seen as an attempt to hide or conceal the hurt that has been caused rather than to actually heal. In this way, they're like the mouthwash: something that's not really helping, just covering up an issue (and thus making it worse). And the mouthwash represents Jimmy's attempts to "fix" things. He doesn't actually want to make things right, because that would mean taking accountability. He wants to protect his own ego by "fixing" things in a mimicry of Curly "fixing" things in which he wants to create a sense of "rightness" without actually adressing what (or who) has been wronged. Jimmy can't stand to look at himself, because he would see that he really is constructed of his worst moments, or at least, that's what I suspect he would see.

Conclusion

Considering all of this, I hope this hurts can then become a mantra about living in spite of everything. I hope this hurts means "I hope I'm alive in the end. I hope we're all alive in the end." It could mean "I hope I'm allowed to hurt, because I am hurt, and the harm that's been done to me must be seen rather than suppressed and hidden." It could mean "You can't keep me quiet. You can't ignore or hide what you've done to me."

Maybe most of all, I think it means I hope you reap what you sow. When it's turned back on Jimmy, when it's almost mocking or haunting him, it becomes in part about his emotional weakness. About his inability to look at himself and his reality without experiencing the pain of humiliation. I don't think he ever experiences half of the pain he's inflicted on those around him. Still, he has to deal with the fact that his attempt to hurt others instead of facing himself has caused him more pain rather than taken it away as he'd hoped.

And I think that's why he suddenly decides to make Curly a "hero" instead of a "villain." There's a tipping point where he's pushed into a corner. The pain is too much. He hasn't confronted his own actions in any real way, but he's done enough that he can't stand to save himself anymore. It hurts too badly to live with what he's done. It sends him into another stage of fantasy/delusion. The only thing left to do is what he intended to from the start: kill himself to escape and damn Curly to a slow death. Because to go on living in spite of the pain would be the right thing to do, in a sense. To live in the hell of his own creation. To face what he's done. But instead, he'll entrust those heroics to Curly.

This feels barely coherent in the end, so I might come back in a few days and say wow what the fuck was I talking about? But hopefully there's something here that captures some truth. Again, please feel free to correct me if I'm misremembering anything or if I missed something.

[insolentgod]

reminder extremely tough and maybe a little harsh.

a lot of folks gotta work themselves to death just to have a halfway comfortable life, some don't even have the basics. many will have to do crazy stuff for money and others dream of giving their loved ones a good life but can't. some will only be able to see luxurious lifestyles on phone screens or in other people's TikTok accounts. and others don't even have the money to pay for internet to see that.

lots of people will spend years hating themselves, hating their appearance, personality, social life, social status, skills, everything about themselves. many live with insecurities, feeling like a supporting character in their own story, some have things that bother them but it's "impossible" to change them so they'll just have to live with it. others spend a fortune on surgeries or treatments to change something about themselves, and many die because of it.

many people will have to live trying to recover from traumas and bad things that hit them, without knowing how to simply erase them from their lives, and unfortunately, some prefer to end their own lives so they don't have to live with those burdens.

many people will have to face horrible diseases, some they simply can't get rid of and others that are incurable. suffering, waiting for a miracle to free them from this torture.

some folks may never achieve their personal goals and dreams, out of fear, lack of opportunity, lack of means, or because they think it's impossible for them. so consequently they will have to surrender to a mediocre life that they hate.

many people will have to spend years in shitty relationships without knowing how to get out, others will see the love of their life being happy with someone else, others will think that love only serves to deeply hurt them, and others will accept horrible things from their partners because they think they don't deserve anything better.

a lot of folks unfortunately live out there lonely, without love, without a good social circle, without friends, with an abusive family, with people who don't want the best for them, with people who only hurt them and make them think that's what they deserve.

you might think I'm a jerk for talking about such harsh examples and I'm sorry if I hurt anyone, but damn..

all these examples I mentioned are really sad and they leave us with a heavy heart thinking that a lot of people go through this. I think everyone deserves a dignified and happy life, you deserve a dignified and happy life. you don't deserve to be like those people in the examples I mentioned, and you're not. because you have a key in your hands. it's like life is a damn game and you have all the hacks and cheats to simply WIN and do whatever you want, while other people don't even dream of that or are too skeptical to try.

but you know what's funniest about this? it's that this shit ain't just any game, it's your life. it's literally your damn life and you're there playing with the law? saying "oh I can't" "oh persisting is too hard" "I think I'll never have my desires".

girl, I'll kill you if you keep thinking like that.

there are folks who just don't take the loa seriously, and that's why they never fulfill their desires!!!!!!!!!!!! and they won't have anyone to blame for their failure but themselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the LOA community is very small, discovering about it was extremely lucky. so tell me a good reason why you know about it and simply can't manifest? exactly. there isn't one! you can and you should.

I'm not here to judge your difficulties in manifesting (even if I judge everything and everyone), because having difficulties and keep trying is one thing and simply giving up and saying "I can't manifest" is another.

it was a blessing from the universe, God, higher power, whatever you believe in. you discovering LOA was the damn greatest blessing of your life, don't you see that? don't you really see how blessed you are? maybe in the past you've been through hell, but now, my love, the sun is shining for you, you just have to want to shine. unfortunately a lot of people will never have that luck, there are people who would kill to be blessed like this. so please, I beg you... use this tool and have the damn happiest life you can, enjoy it and stop playing with the law.

tell me what do you really want? a true and light love? have a look that would never make you feel insecure again? being the pride of mommy and daddy and having their love? having that beautiful house and a happy family? finally healing from depression or other mental disorders and finally being able to live to the fullest? friends who really care about you? want to meet that idol you've been a fan of for a long time and that everyone thinks your passion for him is silly? want to live in that country far away from everyone? want to stop feeling that guilt or any other bad feeling that has been tormenting you for a long time? want to be truly happy for the first time in your life? want to be rich, a millionaire, billionaire, trillionaire? or just have enough money to lead a comfortable life and never have to work again? go ahead, tell me what you want. you can have it.

stop suffering, you don't deserve to suffer. enough torture. take what's yours and move on. you're strong enough for that. the game ain't over for you, you can't just give up like that. the game is yours, it obeys you, and it ends when you decide. take freaking control.

i suffered a lot in life, i hope one day i have the courage to tell you about my success here. and I simply don't know what I would do without finding out about LOA, just thinking about it fills my heart with gratitude. I feel like a winner. you deserve to feel this peace of having won too.

God bless you. take care of yourselves and put your head to work.

i ain't that selfish. if you need some backup, im here for you, babe. I wanna see you win. 🌟

[fairyminnie444]

when i persist i always get thoughts like "what if my desires stay in imagination ans never externalize?", "if i do this in a certain way then i won't get my desire", etc, thoughts like those and they always seem so important and like if i don't give it real thought then my desires won't manifest. and there's always more thoughts like those that come to mind. any advice?

I have the same thoughts, sometimes even more, like "I need to do something to manifest and I can't stay still because if I don't I won't receive it or I don't deserve it”

This is the logical part of the brain wanting to shape us, so first we remember it’s normal, its part of process so we shift focus to what we already know and what is actually true. How?

1.Understand the Nature of These Thoughts

• These doubts are not the truth—they’re simply old mental patterns trying to protect you from disappointment.

• They’re a sign that your subconscious is working through resistance. This is a good thing because it means you’re challenging limiting beliefs.

2. Don’t Fight the Thoughts

• When you resist or argue with these thoughts, you give them more energy.

• Instead, acknowledge them and let them pass. For example, say to yourself:

• “This is just a thought. It has no power unless I give it power.”

• “I see you, but I choose to focus on what I want.”

imagine the sky and these thoughts are like clouds passing by, they don’t mean nothing cause u don’t agree with that and u don’t believe in that.

3. Redirect Your Focus

• When a doubtful thought arises, gently shift your focus back to your desired state:

• “Even if this thought exists, I know my desire is already mine.”

• “I trust the process, regardless of what my mind tries to tell me.”

4. Reframe the Fears

Let’s address the specific fears you mentioned:

• “What if my desires stay in imagination and never externalize?”

• Reframe: “Imagination is the foundation of reality. If I can imagine it, it’s already on its way to me.”

• Neville Goddard teaches that imagination creates reality—the 3D always catches up to your inner state.

• “If I do this in a certain way, I won’t get my desire.”

• Reframe: “There’s no wrong way to align with my desire. My persistence guarantees my success.”

• Remember: it’s not about perfection; it’s about your dominant state of being.

5. Use Affirmations to Neutralize Doubts

Affirmations help override negative patterns. Use ones like:

• “Doubt is powerless; my imagination is the true reality.”

• “My desires are inevitable, no matter what my thoughts say.”

• “I trust the process of creation completely.”

6. Practice SATS or Relaxation Techniques

When doubts feel overwhelming, use Neville’s State Akin to Sleep (SATS) or relaxation to anchor yourself in your desired state:

1. Lie down in a relaxed state, close your eyes, and visualize your desire as if it’s already done.

2. Feel the emotions of already having it.

3. Let this state soothe any doubts.

The more you practice SATS or similar techniques, the less attention your mind will give to intrusive thoughts. It's a process and the more you do it and the more natural it is for you, the less you will have these thoughts.

7. Remind Yourself of This Truth

Your dominant feeling and belief determine your manifestation—not every passing thought. Intrusive doubts don’t have the power to stop your desire unless you dwell on them and make them dominant.

Summary:

• Acknowledge the doubtful thoughts without fighting them.

• Redirect your focus to your desired state.

• Reframe fears into empowering truths.

• Use affirmations and SATS to anchor your belief.

You don’t need to figure everything out or get it perfect. As long as you persist in the feeling of your wish fulfilled, the 3D will catch up. Trust yourself—you’re on the right path.

Ps *mostly important*: Don't overwhelm yourself, don't do anything that seems forced or false, if it's a moment of very intrusive thinking remember: NEUTRAL STATE before affirming. Take your time, there’s no rush it will come for you.

There is nothing that can stop you from receiving what you want if you believe you already have it.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

Hi, here is an idea for a plot : marcus is send to kidnap a women because Greta has heard that she is the most beautiful women on earth. He does it but during the travel back they both fall for esch other. Thank you I love your work

Note: Thank you very much for the request, sweet anon. I don't know if I fulfilled it completely, but I hope that I could give you at least a little pleasure with this scribble. I managed to find a moment of time and I wanted to do it. thank you!

Warnings : some violence but not literally, some weird stuff, some romance, some kissing

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

General Marcus Acacius [masterlist]

witch. l General Marcus Acacius

"General!" the young man rushed into his tent and quickly bowed his head. "Forgive me, sir, but we have a problem."

"What kind of problem?" he muttered without even looking up from the map he had spread out on the plain table.

Marcus, out of the corner of his eye, noticed that the man shifted restlessly, until words finally flowed from his lips that forced General Acacius to look at him.

"I think we have some kind of witch in the camp."

His head had been hurting unbearably for several hours. This journey had been completely pointless. Emperor Geta had heard rumors, whispered among other men, that somewhere on the territory of his country was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Greed and lust made him want to possess her, enslave her. After all, only the Emperor should be able to possess someone like that. He deserved it. She was his due.

General Acacius, on the other hand, believed that these rumors were nonsense. A well-concocted tale to mock the Emperor and his stupid greed. He also didn't believe that any woman would consciously and willingly want to enter a cage and be locked up with such a man. 

But Marcus had no other choice, because when Geta invited him to his chambers and assigned him this mission, his views no longer counted.

Just as he had done during the war, so now, he found the woman, captured her and was on his way to Rome. However, it was a hard road. And you made sure that each of the soldiers who enslaved you would remember you for a long time.

So you were locked in a carriage, part of the walls of which were bars so that you could at least enjoy a little fresh air or sun. You used it as much as you could.

Marcus stopped in front of the carriage and looked sternly at several men, one of whom threw a bucket of icy water straight at the post standing inside.

"By the gods! What's going on here?!" he roared.

"General!" the men bowed quickly. "This... This is a witch! Ever since we stopped, she's been deceiving our heads and senses, telling such things..."

"I'm telling the truth!" the woman's voice was strong and stubborn. It clearly reached Marcus despite the dull pain in her temples. "And the gods will punish you all! You will grovel under their feet like worthless, filthy vermin!"

Someone splashed water again and they heard a distinct snort. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

The soldiers looked at their commander. A mixture of fear and uncertainty was written on their faces, but Marcus knew perfectly well that in such a state, further travel would be an even more difficult task. Finally, he nodded to the man who had brought him here.

"Release her and bring her to my tent." he ordered.

"But, sir!"

"That's an order. She is to appear there as soon as possible." he added and then went back to his place.

You appeared after a few minutes. The clothes you were wearing were completely soaked, and strands of hair stuck to your face. And although you were shaking like leaves in the wind, rebellion and stubbornness did not disappear from your face. You twitched nervously when he tried to put a rough blanket on your shoulders.

"Calm down, I won't do anything to you." he said quietly. "Sit down, have a drink of wine."

Slender fingers tightened on the material, but finally, with quite a confident step, you moved to the place he indicated. Sweet wine and a few bites of bread occupied you enough that Marcus could calmly look at you. He hadn’t had the opportunity to do so before.

When he took you from your home, chaos reigned. The appearance of a detachment of Romans worried the inhabitants of a nearby village, and you... 

Acacius couldn't remember if he had ever seen a woman defend herself so well. One of the soldiers lost a tooth when you hit him in the face with a saucepan you had at hand, and more than one of them had marks from your nails on them. It was only when someone dared to put a cloth bag over your head that your curses and swearing stopped. 

Only now could Marcus look at you. Indeed, you were beautiful. However, he didn’t think that your beauty was only in your face or body, you had something in you that he hadn’t seen before. 

Incredible stubbornness, pride, but also recklessness since you were not afraid to challenge a group of men on whom your life depended.

"You're staring, soldier." You mumbled, washing down a bite of bread with wine.

Marcus came closer and sat down on a chair close to you. "I'm a general." He said.

You shrugged, though. "You're a soldier. A puppet in the hands of a man who thinks he's a god."

"That man sent me for you." He noticed that you looked at him nervously, like a scared animal. "He's heard rumors about you."

"Rumors." You repeated, dusting off your hands and wrapping the blanket around yourself tighter, because the wet clothes were sticking to your body. "I've seen many more beautiful ones."

"I don't..."

You shook your head, biting your lip. "Don't say that."

You noticed how the general tilted his head, looking at you closely. His dark eyes didn't tear themselves away from you and you didn't like what you were feeling. From the beginning, you felt that something was wrong with this man. He was different. Different from those you knew.

"You expected us to come." The general's voice was low and melodic, a warm shiver ran through your body. "How is that possible? Who warned you?"

"Nobody. Soldier."

You wanted to insult him. You wanted to draw a line and show that you weren't afraid of him, that you despised him. But he just smiled. He stretched his long legs in front of him and folded his arms across his chest.

"My name is Marcus." he said and ignored your snort. "And yours? Or should I call you a witch?"

He noticed how your eyebrows drew together. "I have a name." you replied and gave it to him.

The general played with it for a few moments, rolling it on his tongue, and you hated how good it sounded in his mouth. Finally, he sat up and held out his hand to you. You flinched.

"I won't do anything to you." Marcus smiled gently.

"I'm not afraid of you." you replied. "Neither of you nor any of your soldiers."

When your hand clenched in his, he felt something strange in an instant. A strange warmth flowed through his skin and veins, it hit him straight to his heart. He wanted to relax his fingers and withdraw his hand, but he couldn't. A hot feeling filled him, clearing his mind and thoughts, and the headache... He realized then that he hadn't felt it for a few moments.

You must have felt the same, because your lips parted and your face brightened as if you had suddenly understood a huge secret.

"It’s you..."

"Me?"

You slid off the chair and knelt down in front of him, your eyes fixed on him as if he were the greatest treasure. "I've seen you before. In my dreams. I didn't understand it until the seeress in the temple told me..."

Marcus wanted to touch your face. Colossal fingers clumsily brushed the skin of your cheek, but you didn't seem to feel it, because you were so focused on him.

"She said a man would come and take me away by force. I thought it was a curse..."

"And it isn't? I took you by force, you fought like a lioness."

"But I didn't fight you, I fought your men. And every other man who tried to. That's where the rumors started, which were just nonsense. The gods made fun of us..."

The tip of his finger moved across your lips. They were soft and warm. The thought of tasting them was born in Marcus' head, but he fought it.

"Emperor Geta... That's where I'm taking you."

"Are you sure?"

He wasn't. Geta wouldn't be happy if he met your resistance and Marcus knew that this would quickly turn into a terrible tragedy. He just didn't know who would lose their life first because of this. Marcus closed his eyes for a moment, but behind his eyelids he could still see your face and your eyes fixed on him.

"You know perfectly well that I'm not for him... The gods didn't destined me for him. However, they used him to make our paths cross."

You let go of his hand and stood up. A gentle touch on his cheek, your breath on his lips. You were so close that the air around him burned.

"I had a dream." he whispered quietly. "I felt you in it, but I didn't see you. You were like a wild animal, but when you looked at me we both knew that we were no threat to each other. That we were looking for each other."

"That's how it was..."

He felt your lips on his. The gentle and tender touch of lips that tasted of sweet wine. Each kiss was a promise of eternity, endless love and sensations that only souls truly dedicated to each other could experience. 

Strong arms pulled you to his broad chest, and his lips became more violent, more greedy. But you weren't afraid, not of him. You already knew that Marcus would do everything so that you wouldn't appear before the Emperor. 

You were his, by the will of the gods.

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[astrow0rldx]

PAC: Messages to your mental health 🌑

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

yoooo everything came out creepily clear. take what resonates tho & use your intuition to pick a photo.

Pile One:

｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ

(OVERALL: Queen of Pentacles & The Empress. also: 2 of cups, Ace of Swords, three of pentacles, & the star.)

Self worth, Self Value. A lot of you are trying to find & embrace your femininity. Be grateful, live in gratitude. Be grounded, be responsible. "Don't be a Lady, Be a Legend." Focus on building the life you want because you deserve it. Your beautiful, Your safe and secure, Your everything you need.

I could see that your probably focusing on a connection, could be platonic or friendship, but any type of bond in your life. You might have something you want to know about them, and need some clarity. You might want to build with this person, a connection, a goal, anything. Have Faith be Optimistic.

It's not saying this is a bad part so if this has not happened YET, if theirs a person in mind you might need to talk about, and build with them on some type of plan you guys have going on. Let them know information.

Bonus; I picked an artist that came in my mind & shuffled:

Of all the ones Of course I'd want the one who doesn't want me Of all the thoughts Of course I'd think that you'd know how to love me

But damn, I wish you did Oh, what I would give Just to be in your possession But I won't influence Or try to convince You, that I'm the right decision

(Heavy Taurus & Libra energy)

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

Pile Two:

｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ

(Overall: 8 of swords, Judgement. & King of Pentacles, Five of pentacles, Wheel of fortune, The Chariot, Strength.)

Overall you stressed out & you need a blunt. lmao.

By the picture you picked & the cards, you need your bag. and your probably feeling a lot of lack in your life. you feel like material will make you fulfilled & secure. your trying to have hope but what you need to do is use that Chariot & Strength energy. Chariot don't fall to obstacles, neither as Strength. You can get it if you want to.

I see that overall is the 8 of swords & Judgement. So you may be, what should I call it. Delusional & Heavy Anxiety. Stuck in your overthinking, floating in your anxiety and judging yourself & everything around.

Instead build on your insecurities so you can chase the security to make you feel fulfilled. Not trying to scare you, but their may be entities around, or just energy like people in your life that don't want you to enlighten & grow. mentally, emotionally, financially. They want you to be stuck in fear & judgement. An emotional frequency that's scientifically stronger than Love is Authenticity. So if theirs a certain college path, or some type of path or thing you personally want to uniquely do, do it!

..... my username is literally astrow0rldx. So I'm going to refer you to your astrological chart. Look at the house of your Uranus for what you should be different in & revolution. If your feeling stuck & need some more strength and responsibility, look at the house of your Saturn for where, but how to express it in your daily routine is the planets or signs in the 6th house. And if you want to know what you should become in this life, look at the house of your North Node for your life purpose, your Sun for where to find your identity, your chart ruler or rising sign for the big bingo on the outlook you should have on it. and your Midheaven/Planets on the 10th house that everyone talks about, which is how people are going to see you, as a place in this world. your reputation in society.

I shuffled:

Can't stand it, backhanded They wanna see us fallin' apart You know that I love you So let me into your heart

Let me into your heart Do you really love me? I'm gon' get you, girl, ahh

Girl, you really got a hold on me So this isn't just puppy love

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

Pile Three:

｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ❤｡･::･ﾟ❤,｡･::･ﾟ

(Overall: Five of Swords & Hanged man. & Wheel of fortune, Nine of wands, Ten of cups, Death, & Ace of swords.)

So my stomach dropped before I pulled your cards. Are you guys emo's, or am I talking to fellow witches. Are you down rn, cold, resentful, vengeful? Casting spells, ready to kill or something.

Your feeling competitive ready to fight & go to war. Has there been an ending, some news you got. HMMM.. very dark pile. for some people, could be the complete other way around where your the victim in the situation. and your feeling defeated, defenseless & that fate is just beating you down.

I shuffled:

OMGGGGGGG! The music video looks just like the photo you picked- ummmmmm. Motels could be literally significant. Very dark music video, prostitution, casual sex. Money, drugs, Sex trafficking, Kidnapping.

What do you mean? Oh, oh When you nod your head yes, but you wanna say no What do you mean? Hey, yeah Better make up your mind, what do you mean?

You're so indecisive of what I'm sayin' Tryna catch the beat, make up your heart Don't know if you're happy or complainin' Don't want for us to end, where do I start?

First you wanna go to the left, then you wanna turn right (Right) Wanna argue all day, makin' love all night (All night) First you're up, then you’re down, and then between ('Tween) Oh, I really wanna know

You're overprotective when I'm leavin' Tryna compromise, but I can’t win You wanna make a point, but you keep preachin' You had me from the start, won't let this end

[peripaltepsy]

You said you had tips for dealing with hypochondria, right? - Entity

yeah, sorry for the late reply !

So, first of all, check on your necessities as soon as any panic starts. Are you thirsty, hungry, need to use the bathroom, tired? Fulfilling your needs will help a lot

I had 4 stages of recovery.

First stage: actually believing that I had x condition; I wondered if it was just anxiety but the fear was winning.

-> I would google not the symptoms I were "feeling", but the actual condition I thought I had. Notice how most conditions, when acquired, will take some time, like 3 days before onset. I'd think to myself, there's no need to stress right now; if I do feel these symptoms in 3 days I'll worry only then. (And then the symptoms never occurred lol)

-> Identifying triggers: literally anything can be an anxiety trigger, even things you'd never think of. I got anxious at a specific time of the day: 4 pm to 6 pm. Foods with white flour can trigger anxiety too. Chocolate also triggered it for me. It's up to you whether to avoid or deal with stuff (I for example, chose not to avoid chocolate since I already rarely ate it.) If you choose to avoid, keep in mind it's only temporary and you'll be able to expose yourself to these triggers someday

-> THE FAKE SYMPTOMS YOU'RE FEELING ARE EITHER THE ANXIETY OR NORMAL BODILY STUFF THAT YOUR HYPERAWARENESS IS PATHOLOGIZING.

Example: heart racing? Anxiety. Shivering? Anxiety.

I once got super worried because some parts of my face were warmer and others were cooler. But this is literally NORMAL.

I also worried because I felt the moisture inside my mouth and throat. It's NORMAL AND NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL

-> If you're able to, go to a low-stimulating place. When I was in school I'd go to the bathroom and play music. It was just a 3 minutes break but I needed that. At home, I'd also lock myself in the bathroom but I'd watch latino shitpost compilations :)

-> I think one of the best forms of distraction is comedy. Have some youtube channels and tumblr pages etc bookmarked.

-> Remember, how many times did you really have the condition your hypochondria was telling you? Zero. ZERO!!!! IT WILL ALWAYS BE ZERO!!! THAT BITCH IS A LIAR!!! XD

-> You can ask friends to help ground you and remind you that the anxiety is wrong

-> sometimes anxiety is developed out of nowhere, but if you can find a "why" you developed it, that's good

Second stage: Knowing it's just anxiety, but the fear of having x condition/dying was still in my mind.

-> thats because your subconscious doesn't believe that your anxiety is caused by a concrete perceived thing; it still assumes its caused by a nebulous grand illness or something. Keep talking to it and asserting its not an illness but actually just X trigger. It'll take time but YOU'LL SUCCEED

-> There's not much to do. Just distract yourself and keep fighting the anxiety saying it's wrong.

Alternatively, if you're confident enough and grounded, you can be the bigger bitch. "Yeah so what if I got x?" "I don't fuckin care" "wow I'm so scared /s"

-> Activities that require active focus like doing the dishes are good distractions as well

-> Panic attacks = anxiety of anxiety. You can't force them, so if you confront something potentially triggering heads on and are aware of your anxiety coming up you'll be able to prevent feeling Real Bad.

Example: you're going to read an article about an illness and know it's gonna trigger you. So you click on it, you're not afraid of feeling anxiety, you're just aware of what you're gonna feel. You start noticing your breathing becoming shallower and think "the anxiety has begun". After reading it you go relax a little with the yt channel you bookmarked, for example. You're aware that your anxiety could use that new knowledge against you (aka it can be a new trigger) but you don't care because YOU'RE the one in control, YOU'RE the bigger bitch and won't let it dictate what you should do or not.

-> KEEP THE GIGACHAD MINDSET : Despite being neck deep in the hypochondria ocean in high school, I wanted to study stuff relating to healthcare in college. I didn't care that I could potentially get triggered everyday, I'd find a way to deal with it. And then I managed to beat hypochondria before entering college!!!

-> Ultimately, (and this may not suit you) what led me out of the second stage was a buddhist meditation called Maranasati. I used to do other types of meditation as well; maranasati is "death awareness meditation". Basically you just confront death and illness heads on and learn to be at peace with them.

Third stage: Knowing it's just anxiety

-> On this stage, the "health anxiety" part of your anxiety is gone or almost gone.

Just ride the bad vibes until the anxiety symptoms subside. And use the coping mechanisms and distractions as well.

Fourth stage: I got so evolved I can cut panic attacks as soon as they start

-> on this stage, I can immediately identify when something is making me anxious and think "oh, X thing is making me anxious"; and the panic symptoms immediately quiet down and stop; since the knowledge that yes, that concrete and perceived thing is the cause of our anxiety is anchored in my subconscious.

I hope anything I wrote can help you, good luck, beat that bitch into a pulp :)

[karenandhenwilson]

People break. Sometimes just a small part of them. Sometimes it happens very unexpectedly about something that wasn't much of a problem until just a moment ago.

I think that's what we saw with Karen in this episode. And I hate that people just dismiss it as a weak storyline, or an unnecessary storyline, or coming out of the blue and therefore being unbelievable.

Actually, it coming out of the blue is exactly why this is so believable. 

Mara is back home, but that's not been long. And at first, it didn't look as if it would ever happen until Bobby managed to manipulate Gerrard to help them. Those emotions are still raw. And after they got told in court they weren't allowed any contact with Mara going forward, it probably looked as if there wasn't a chance at all to spend Halloween together for a while. How much time went by between the court hearing and the city council meeting? How long weren't they sure they'd see Mara at all for any of the upcoming holidays?

Now everything might be good on that front. Mara is back home. But the doubt and fear is still lingering in Karen. It's also a change for her in her role as a mother again. She wasn't able to fulfill that role for months, no matter how often they spent time with the Hans. It's a situation they all need to settle in again and that takes time.

You can't tell me Karen isn't thinking about the missed memories of these months of separation. And thinking about how near they had been to miss this Halloween. Which I can very well see would lead to thoughts about holidays Hen missed in the past, how Karen had to deal with Denny and his disappointment on her own then. You all remember Christmas of season 3 where that was such a huge deal, too?

They have this huge party with all of them in full costumes days before Halloween. And they have fun and are creating memories (Jee-Yun growling at her Dad!), but it's not the real holiday. And it is not just Mara's first Halloween with them, it's her first holiday with them, period. And they hadn't planned anything for Halloween because everything was still so uncertain not that long ago.

But now it's all different again. Their family is whole again. And they could have a chance to spend it together. If just Hen didn't have a shift. And so Karen voices her concern and her wishes. And Hen sees that and promises to try. Because of course she wants to spend these days with her family in the end.

But then Hen is swayed by not wanting to slight her best friend, by thinking about Chimney's comfort more than her family's comfort. (Remember season 5 when she offered to chase after Maddie with Chimney without a thought of her own family?) So instead of either Chimney or Hen being able to spend the holiday with the family, they both decided to work and leave Karen alone with all of it. Instead of arguing that the Wilsons have gone through hell while Chimney wasn't separated from his daughter for months; instead of suggesting to just toss a coin so at least one of them has a chance to be there with their children they just decide for everyone to lose.

And that's when Karen breaks. When everything suddenly feels too overwhelming, especially the thought of being responsible for three children while they're out Trik-or-Treating. They're all three good kids. But they'll be excited, the streets will be super busy, their excitement won't just vanish when they're back home and she needs to wrangle them to bed. And there was a chance for Karen not to be alone with all of it, but Hen and Chimney prioritized their friendship over their families.

And Karen just feels left alone and disappointed and airs that frustration.

(And on another note: What a bullshit, Hen, to then turn around and put the burden on your teenage son to look after the two girls in support of Karen! You know, you could have also called Bobby again and asked if that offer was still on the table because you hadn't considered that Karen might need help with the children.)

[whumpberry-cookie]

do you have prompts for a whumpee abusing substances and being caretaked

Ohh, that will be a challenge for me but I'll do my best!

Addicted Whumpee aftercare

(Cw: various substance abuse, bodily waste, forced hug, strong guilt, suggested séxual attraction)

______________________

Caretaker taking the stuff out of Whumpee's hand in random moments. There is a serious conversation with other teammates. C and W are in the background. W opens the drawer, C takes the bottle from their hand and shut it back.

Caretaker is a big strong bear type. So when Whumpee has some dumb or dangerous idea, they can stop it easily. Balancing on a stair railing? Bear hug, you ain't going anywhere. Running to the bus through te red lights, because they are so jacked? Bear hug. (C:) "Nope. Not doing that". Whumpee just kicks their feet in the air and whines.

(W:) "But I really wannaaaa..." (C:) "Well too damn bad, Whumpee. We don't always get our way."

Whumpee being... well, very aroused. And Caretaker being so done with them. (C:) "I swear, slap me one more time and I'll bite that hand off". (W:) "Heheh. Promise?" (C:) "You weren't into guys before! What happened?!!" (W:) "You are- I'm yoursexual now. Your-" (C:) "You are out of your mind right now, that's what you are"

Manic episodes, panic attacks, hallucinations, anger and derealisation. Stoic Caretaker knows that in this state Whumpee won't let them explain anything. So they just repeat "You are safe. Whumpee. You are safe. It's not real, it's your brain. You are safe".

"I am not qualified to help you with that, Whumpee. I will support you, but you have to go to the proffesional. It has to be your decision".

Caretaker asks Whumpee a lot of questions. About their opinions, visions on life, about their emotions and what caused them. About their dreams, their imagination, their fears. And is very, very insightful about it. Because if Caretaker can help Whumpee process, maybe it will be easier for them to stay in reality.

Caretaker makes sure Whumpee's safe (dresses them up, feeds them, makes sure the doors are locked and sharp objects are hidden) and then locks themselves in their bedroom. It's Caretaker's space to rest and take care of themselves. Listen to music, chat with people, do the work. And Caretaker wouldn't be able to help anyone if they were exhausted or overwhealmed.

There's a lot of nasty, tiring, irritating things. Like whumpee not holding their bladder, vomiting, getting angry and unresponsive, tripping, destroying things. Getting lost in the city, going out without parts of clothing (like barefoot). They have to be forced for safety or fulfilling basic needs like eating. And they feel so ashamed and guilty about it.

Whumpee at some point breaks down and cries so much it's hard for them to breathe (W:) "Caretaker... I'm so sorry... for everything... I don't want you to live like this. I'm disgusting. I'm a nightmare". Caretaker just hugs them in silence. (C:) "We will get through this, Whumpee. I love you. I know you suffer a lot too"

Whumpee's skin shows the effects of addiction. So Caretaker is motivating them for right higiene (C:) "Sit down. No. Sit down here and wait. Just because you're hangover doesn't mean you have to look like a dry resin" (W:) *frowns, as Caretaker starts putting on their face a generous amount of a moisturizing cream* "Ah, colddd.. Stop- uh- I'm not a baby" (C:) "Your lips are bloody cracked. It must hurt. No, stop biting it. Let me grab a lipstick" (W:) "I can do it myself.." (C:) "And still you don't".

Caretaker comes back home late and sees Whumpee passed out on the floor. Picks them up and carries them to bed. Teases them: (C:) "I always wanted to have a kid. I knew I would have to feed and change them. BUT TODDLERS ARE AT LEAST CUTE!" (W:) "Shutt uppp you are so meann so so mean" (C:) "And you are so so stinky! Maybe I should buy you some diapers?" (W:) "Meeaannn... you're a mean persn"

____________________

Here's an interesting interview with a heavily substance abusing girl and her family.

[bunnyinfoxclothing]

Do you have anymore chaggie rants? Would love to hear em

You're in luck. It's 2 am again and I have awoken to more head cannons and ideas.

If I do more of these most will probably be about Vaggie, because I love my girl.

that being said:

Vaggie is a self fulfilling prophecy that Charlie simply won't let happen.

So for anyone who doesn't know. Self fulfilling prophecies, in psychology, refer to someone who has an expectation or belief that can influence their behaviors, thus causing the belief to come true.

Vaggie is someone with abandonment issues (Chaggie mental illness twins)

Charlie is someone who wants to never be alone, so holds tight onto whomever she can, and is extra forgiving in wanting them to stay. (I will expand on this if anyone wants)

Vaggie on the other hand, expects abandonment to be excruciatingly painful. It's not a logical thought nor is it even a conscious one. She just has a feeling that the moment she messes something up she will be left hurting.

That also means that anytime there is even the slightest fuck up, Vaggie will run away. She preemptively leaves to avoid that hurt.

But Bun that's not a self fulfilling prophecy

Gimme a sec i'm getting there.

Now Vaggie also doesn't have it in her to fully abandon Charlie. She has heard Charlie's fears of being alone, and can never do that to her.

That being said, this is where she starts treating Charlie like Charlie is going to abandon her.

Isolation

Reduced Physical Contact

One-sided Emotional Disconnect

Manipulation

Vaggie does anything to distance herself emotionally from the situation while still being there for Charlie.

If this is prior to being in a relationship it is spending more time in her own room. If it is post relationship it is just more time spent doing different things. Where they used to do chores together Vaggie will outright just start on something without telling Charlie, or work on something else entirely.

Vaggie isn't as touchy with Charlie, maybe not cuddling up to Charlie, but letting Charlie cuddle up to her. Only participating in physical closeness if Charlie initiates.

Being there for Charlie emotionally, but dealing with all of her emotional turmoil on her own.

Purposefully painting herself in the worst light possible at any given situation in an attempt to 'be honest' to Charlie about who she is. Hiding the good things because Charlie knows the good things, but pointing out every bad miss step she herself has taken since.

All of this is in an attempt to emotionally disconnect herself to what is coming and push Charlie towards the abandoning her, so she has control over when it happens.

And Charlie just doesn't let her.

Charlie isn't always 100% aware of when Vaggie goes into this self destructive behavior.

So sometimes it's just a moment of: Charlie feeling overly affectionate that it forces Vaggie to be unable to do one or a few of her isolation tactics.

And Charlie is just so proud of her for being honest, and their in hell so what more could she expect...

And so Vaggie just fails at distancing herself, so eventually when the guilt goes away Vaggie is just left still in Charlies arms like... huh?

And other times, Charlie is fully aware of the self destructing train wreak that is coming.

So she talks Vaggie through it. She provides ample times for Vaggie to comfort her. Gives Vaggie every once of praise every time Vaggie does something for her, just so in Vaggie's tally, the positive things she has done far outweigh any bad Vaggie can come up with.

Charlie turns up the charm, to wear down Vaggie's walls and force her to ask for cuddles. Then cuddles Vaggie until she's squirming out of Charlie's arms.

Charlie casually gentle parenting Vaggie's manipulation tactics like:

Well, yeah sure you could say that you placing your spear by the door was a tripping hazard, but if you think about it, it was very kind of you to leave your spear by the door so we can have a more comfortable cuddle time. And while it wasn't nice for me to trip on it, and it could have been very dangerous for any of our guests to trip on it, we have seen in the past that a lot of dangerous people come to the hotel, so thank you for looking out for us. How about next time we find a safer place to put your spear, so that it is still near the door, but out of the way. Does that sound good? Perfect.

And Vaggie is forced to be like. Oh, yeah, my actions are easily fixable. Why was I so stressed before?

[pistatsia]

Isagi Yoichi: problems with anger expression

Clickbait, right? One would think that what kind of anger expression problems could there be with a guy swearing on the field with war-crime level insults and joyfully bringing a child a few years younger to tears?

The kind where one derives from the the other.

Now, let's figure it out.

To do so, we'll have to go back to Isagi's novel (hoshi801_ translation is used for all of the quotes). From it, we know that Isagi grew up as a quiet and shy child. "He never gets into fights with his friends and never disobeys his teachers."

Nevertheless, it ended quite simply then - thanks to Noa, he learnt how to express his anger and negative feelings. Problem? Only on the football field. The novel says he "was fearless in running into his opponents, as if he had never been a crybaby." 

He was winning, and what he liked best about football - his football, Noa's football - was the beauty of Noa’s playstyle brutality. Because that's what made it an acceptable outlet for him - fighting with friends is bad, arguing with teachers is not allowed - but on the football pitch you are free. You can be angry. Football became his safe space.

Except that then Isagi entered the root of all his troubles - Ichinan.

Even before it, the novel mentioned and emphasised Isagi's inability to express himself. For a while, despite this, his plans worked: the coaches let him play the way he wanted, and he didn't have to come into direct conflict with them.

But that trick didn't work in Ichinan - the dream school suddenly turned out to be somehow strange, and Isagi felt that he wasn't allowed to fulfil his potential here.

But no one on the team was unsatisfied by the current system.

Even before the conversation with the coach where he was ridiculed Isagi had tried to test the waters. Specifically to test - he doesn't say anything outright in fear of being rejected. "Uhm, Tada-kun… don’t you think there’s something wrong with this?" he asks his club mate very cautiously, while in thoughts having more direct “Huh? Am I the only one who thinks that this is ridiculous?”. It's written out separately in the novel that "he watches the expression on Tada's face to see how he'll react" - Isagi already has problems. He's already learnt that he can be rejected if his opinion doesn't coincide with the majority - especially since the conversation wasn't taking place in 'football territory', where he was more or less able to talk straight. 

Having an opinion for Isagi means isolation.

But he still tries one last time - one that finally cracks him up, convincing him that the others know better and he just needs to be patient.

In the novel his friends are "Surprized, seeing the quiet and obedient Isagi talk to the coach" - again, he is used to keeping quiet and not risking. Still, he dares to - and is immediately ridiculed for allegedly trying to "show off". 

And this is what finally kills in him the will to resist. Because losing his friends and football is more terrifying for him than losing himself.

What does the novel says about Isagi after this episode? "He is afraid of being disliked for being assertive", "always timid", "compliant". "When his friends get excited, Isagi would say something like this: “Uh, yeah… me too”."

"He just goes with the flow."

Isagi agrees with Tada's taste in girls, agrees to eat what he doesn't want to, pleases in every way possible just so he won't be abandoned. He obeys the coach's strategy, and even on the field - the only thing that gave him joy and was a safe place for him - he ends up obeying the rules his surroundings have imposed on him.

He doesn't try to argue, he doesn't try to prove anything - he just chooses the safest path, the one where he doesn't do anything and doesn't fight, but he stays safe. Not abandoned.

What's the conclusion?

Isagi doesn't know how to express anger at all. He just hasn't learnt it because he hasn't tried it. And most importantly, doesn't know how to express it correctly.

Why is it necessary (and important) to know how to anger correctly in the first place? The point is that for the mentality anger is a kind of marker that lets us know when our interests are violated and our needs are not satisfied. Which by its presence helps us to build boundaries and achieve what we need. Anger is the power and energy to change an unpleasant world to suit us and achieve our goals.

But Isagi was shamed for showing negative emotions and for any attempt to express himself. He was shown non-verbally that any expression of self and attempt to argue, even just a different opinion would be received grudgingly, that you had to agree on everything, that if you tried to argue you would be rejected and not only that, you would lose the football.

And Isagi tamps down the anger inside himself - he no longer stands up for himself, and holds back the anger to the last, storing it up inside for years.

He develops a ban on anger.

And in general, not just anger - any negative emotion. He is unable to express even the despair of losing to Kira correctly; he tries to suppress it, to muffle it, the novel explicitly states that he attempts to lock it up inside, but in the end, having overflowed, this despair against his will burst out in a scream. Isagi suppresses all negative feelings in general. Aside from the crying part, this repressed anger is evident even in the first chapter, when he imagines the goalkeeper in tears from defeat, and dreams of crushing Kira. Without saying it out loud, though.

And in that 'against his will' lies the main problem of why exactly anger needs to be lived out properly. 

Because otherwise it'll spill out just like that scream - desperate, seething, expansive, and the worst part?

Uncontrollable.

What is the danger of not controlling the expression of anger? Why can't we just hide it inside and keep smiling, without causing anyone problems and without wasting the resources of our body on it, just adjusting? Yes, in doing so you lose your freedom of expression - so what? 

Because anger doesn't disappear over time. It is put inside layer by layer, day by day. 

And sooner or later you can't hold it back.

In life this rarely ends well: if a person holds themselves to a completely unhealthy level of control they may at some point experience an episode of derealisation - when repressed feelings become so abundant that the brain rolls out one of the strongest self-defence mechanisms - detachment. If it doesn't? One goes off the rails: he overreacts to the smallest of things, he is thrown from one-time hook-ups to drugs and alcohol. The accumulated anger begins to destroy from the insides.

But Isagi, as an adaptation specialist (unconsciously, most likely) has come up with a great answer to this, learnt from childhood and from the show with Noel Noa. Which one? Express anger where it would be considered normal.

Blue Lock with on-field swearing works for Isagi for many reasons at once. He got Bachira, who showed him that there's nothing wrong with expressing his angry-self - he'll be accepted, he would even be welcomed, it's okay to be angry! He got Chigiri and Kunigami, Nanase and Hiori, dozens of people accepting him no matter what (but in personal conflicts outside the field he usually still doesn't know how to behave - he prefers to withdraw and wait for things to resolve themselves - but that's for another time). Here, also, the issue of survival came into play, as expressions of anger and rage were cultivated by the Ego itself, sometimes specifically manipulating the players to do so.

There's also the application of the familiar pattern of his pre-Ichinan childhood ('I play football as rough as Noa - I'm doing well, I'm not alone, and I achieve my goals because it happens on the field, so it doesn't mean anything'), the general tense atmosphere, and a fair number of trigger characters who would drive even a saint to their grave (heh, Kaiser, heh). Isagi in general has more to do with football than almost all of Blue Lock's characters. Manifestations of anger and determination as a child (on the football field!)? Noa. Manifestations of them now? Blue Lock. He continues to use mechanisms familiar from childhood to protect himself, adapting them to new realities.

(basically, even the fact that Noa is around - who, again, once gave little Isagi the opportunity to express himself openly on the field - can have an impact on the escalation of Isagi's behaviour around Kaiser and Bastards. Whose presence and support is associated with a safe expression of himself)

like father like son

And uncontrollable anger bursts out, but for now like water from a cracked jug - in jolts, strong and those impossible to shut down, but from just one place. The swearing at the match and the opportunity to openly express himself and his objectives (remember how he shouted at Noa that his system doesn't allow him to score goals hahaha) allowed him to relax, to partially release the anger accumulated over the years - all without any realisation on his part. He doesn't even have to do anything - it all resolved itself. He's not being rejected, he's playing the way he wants to play and yet he's angry! That's great!

And everything seems to be fine, right?

The problem is that Blue Lock's setting just isn't going to work in the long run. Ego will be there for the rest of the project - another 2-3 months - and for training for the World Championship, for the Championship itself, and... that's it. The project ends, Isagi flies off to play in another country, but who can guarantee that the environment for such an expression of anger will be replicated there as well?

At one point, access to the field and, in principle, to the competitive and encouraging environment for such expressions of character in Blue Lock is bound to be cut off. There are gaps between seasons, injuries, end of career, and the simple fact that such expression depends on how much the coach allows to players - at some point Isagi may well be silenced.

And then all the accumulated, bubbling anger inside, which is now used to being expressed regularly, will spill out - and not on the safe field, where much can be blamed on adrenaline, but on his loved ones, his career and himself.

[gotham-daydreams]

Lmao posting pure nightmare fuel without even a “hi, how are you?” after an entire month is one way to announce your return on Tumblr

How would reader be treated after they’re kidnapped?

LMAO YEAH- I fear that'll become somewhat common... I apologize! Though really, I hope y'all have been okay and I'm sorry for dying off the face of the planet as per usual... :']

Though, as for your question... it's a little complicated! Especially with how things end up going.

Some members of the family will definitely try to be more 'light' and understanding - as in most will let you get away with saying and doing some things here and there as long as you don't flat out leave or anything.

Sure, their feelings will get hurt if you insult them or get pissed at them in general (and rightfully so), but they'll take it as long as you stay. They are very, very desperate.

I can't say things will be good for... many reasons outside of the obvious, and that will become more clear once Chapter 4 is posted, and I mean very, very clear (you won't be able to miss it, trust me)- but they'll still try.. mostly because they're pathetic and very desperate like that LMAO

'Try' as in some will act like nothing happened, and try to pull the 'happy family' act which will work as well as you think. They'll be softer, more 'accepting' of any and all venomous words you'll throw at them (as in they'll just tolerate it), but they'll try to not do anything to make you more pissed off, and truly try to be a good family- which might piss you off more depending on who ya are, and their attempts are still more self indulgent more than anything as they are yanderes. Nothing they do is truly for your own good, comfort, or pleasure. It's all about them and trying to lessen the guilt they feel, along with fulfill that sense of obligation and so on-

Basically, don't trust it, it is very self indulgent no matter what, even if you also technically get something good out of it. Though at least you get something... better than nothing, right?

Just don't let them know that, they'll definitely try to do that more. The more you think of the good, the more (they're hoping) you'll associate it with them (even subconsciously), and... well...

It's all down hill from here, folks!

Nevertheless, expect some sparks of life here and there, I'm sorta back but sort of not- though I am trying to get back into the swing of things, especially with some personal projects i have in mind that (in my opinion) are much bigger than the Not [ ] Series, and much more thought out. Believe me, that thing is only a taste of what's to come :]

[residentwordsofaffirmationdealer]

barbara gordon + her disability, anger, fear, grief, dedication, revenge, closure, and moving on

"everyone talks about 'closure' now. when tragedy strikes they say you need 'closure'. what a crock. i wanted revenge. swear you won't tell anybody... part of me still does. i remember that night every time i answer the door. and i think about what was taken from me." from birds of prey (1999) issue 8

"a lot of the time it's like you batguys want me to hold on to the past because you can't get over it. i understand-- i have. i have a new life now. one i like -- one that fulfills me. it's not the same one i had before, but its good. maybe even better." from birds of prey (1999) issue 8

"do you understand how humiliating, how demeaning that is?! my life has no importance save in relation to you!" & "oh, yes, i heard about that. i heard how you two stood there, laughing over some private joker. tell me -- was it me?" from the batman chronicles (1995) #5

"i've lost so much. i've lost everything i thought i was. who am i now? how do i go on?" "you have lost nothing that matters. you have everything you need." from the batman chronicles (1995) #5

"a little over a year has passed since my life ended, since i died and was reborn." & "i'm me--more me than i have ever been. my life is my own. i embrace it, and the light with a deep continuing joy." from the batman chronicles (1995) #5

"there is hardly a crime fighter on the planet who has not come to rely on her skills and dedication. over time, she has become more to batman than a trusted ally or dependable resource. she is an inspiration to him:" from gotham knights (2001) #6

"but there was some i knew would soldier on. some who could stare adversity, grief, death in the face and, if not quite laugh, evolve and continue fighting the good fight. barbara gordon was one of those people" from bruce wayne: the road home (2010)

"what? you're not impressed?" "i wouldn't expect anything less from you" from bruce wayne: the road home (2010)

"not bad... for a cripple" from nightwing (1996) #87

"don't you dare! not one word about the past!" from nightwing (1996) #87

"that anger is really i know know anymore. every day." from batgirl (2009) #1

"i know what you must be going through. how angry you are. just know you don't always have to be" from batgirl (2009) #2

"i mean, what kind of stupid superhero rolls around in a wheelchair?" from batgirl (2009) #4

"bruce. dick. they'll always be a part of my life... but i owe it to myself to start looking forward...regardless of how painful that can sometimes be" from batgirl (2009) #7

"once upon a time, cormorant killed me. i've been dying ever since. but i've never let it stop me. never." from batgirl special (1988)

"who do i save -- him or myself? there's no choice. i can't let anyone take a life i can save!" from batgirl special (1988)

"i shot a defenseless girl" from the killing joke (1988)

"i mean, whos leading the JLA these days?" "batman." "superman." "martian manhunter." "owacle." from titans (1999) #1

"i really do run this city. they have eyes everywhere, they're listening to everything we say. i know that technique. i invented that damn technique. the reason i couldn't go with you to fight in the rocks to the north...? it's because im barbara freaking gordon. also known as oracle. and i started fighting them ten minutes ago." from convergence: nightwing/oracle (2015) #1

"you are defeated." "...lady. do i look defeated to you?" from convergence: nightwing/oracle (2015) #2

[almondest]

"Even if everyone is against you."

⨾ summary: discriminated by everyone else for your sudden appearance beside the well-known general, he reassures you with the love he will always have for you despite everything else.

⨾ pairings: Jing Yuan x F!reader

"Why the long face my love?" A voice rang through the room, catching your attention.

You were playing with Mimi, feeling its soft fur as it lay on your lap but quickly gets off to approach its master.

"You're back" You say, disregarding his question as you smile at him.

He makes his way towards you, kneeling down and gently taking your hand, caressing it. "What's up?"

"It's nothing at all...." You respond, "Really."

Silence engulfed your shared room, feeling the awkward tension between the two of you before quickly switching the subject. "Ah, that reminds me! I heard that there'll be an upcoming competition soon, will you be joining?"

"I'm not sure... Do you want me to?" He ponders while he plays with your fingers.

You quickly shake your head, "No... But, maybe?"

He chuckled, before taking your hand near his lips, kissing it. "I'll join in and win. And I'll dedicate the price to you."

He squeezes your hand, his eyes looking up to yours with a dangerous glow. "-that way, no one will ever say nonsense about you anymore."

You stared at him with your eyes glistening with brightness as thoughts swirled around. 'He'd participate... Only for that?'

His eyes were looking down, as if it was stuck in a train of thought.

'Suddenly, I seem to understand his actions towards my communication through our peers. From his affectionate touches from time to time in public, his hands connecting to mines as we walk through the vast garden of greenery and flowers, His deathly glares towards those who looked at me with disgust and wariness. He's always concerned, because he's afraid that I might get hurt.'

"About what happened today..." I speak, his eyes who were adrift to the moonlight gazed at mines.

'But even at this moment...'

"Actually... " His eyes widened in range as I tell the events that occured and I look at him with such longing.

'...I hate that I want some certainty about his love for me.'

"They said I was too arrogant and so, filled with so much anger... I accidentally spilled tea on one of the attendants..."

"...I apologize for making such a big mess, I took their words to heart and I doubted your love for me- " I try to send my apologies, but he cut me off.

"Wait, wait." He paused, sighing.

"(Name)." He stood up, taking both my hands to help me stand up.

"To me, You're the most important."

"So whatever happened today and what you heard, just tell me. Don't keep things from me my love..."

Tears slowly stained my cheeks one by one and found my arms slowly wrapped around him. 'I was scared that he'll get mad that I felt, and acted this way just because of that.'

"Yuan. If I truly mean the most to you...Can you fulfill my wish?" I ask, feeling his heart beat.

"I don't have any reason not to."

"Then, Please don't get sick of me." He sighs, resting his head on my shoulder as I feel his warm breath.

"What kind of wish is that darling..."

"Everyone tells me... That your affection for me won't last, and you'll get bored of me."

He scoffed, "Who said such nonsense to you? You know that I'm not that kind of man."

"-Is it because of what they said that made you ask for that kind of wish?" He let go of your embrace, his eyes looking at you with such affection, gentleness, and care.

"Those people aren't just strangers, they've been around you for a while, That's why I..."

His hands made their way to your shoulders, his white locks covering his golden eyes.

"Will you feel better... If I gave you the lives of those people who sent such thoughts in your pretty little head?"

You held a look contorted with fear. "You mustn't do such a thing!"

"Shouldn't a husband fight for his wife's honor? I'll be willing to do anything, just to make you feel all better and free from such thoughts."

"Jing Yuan..."

"So please tell me. What must I do to stop you from hiding and crying anymore..."

He kissed you passionately on the lips, on the cheeks, and on the forehead before bringing you to his embrace.

"Even if everyone is against you. I'll be here, I'll protect you, I'll love you. And I'll never get sick of you."

NOTE! — did you get it? I hope you get it🫥 let me retell. So basically some of Jing Yuans close attendants or whatever you call them (jus workers who worked for him for a long time that he basically considers them as friends) told you things like blah blah blah since you were an unknown existence to them not until be announced his marriage to you and he entered the room seeing you all sad and gloomy and all and then boom🫨