#it felt kind of cosy and peaceful and I remember this time last year when I'd get ready for bed at about this time

[thethingything]

y'know what though, as much as we've been stressed to all fuck and complained about that a lot on here, we have been doing better at like, finding things to enjoy and trying to acknowledge when good things happen. it's just that we have a tendency to just write out vent posts while we're really stressed but then forget to post anything about the good things but like, we are acknowledging them in our brain at least

[frenchrebelfries]

Always

All it takes is one glance

You and Natalia have been together for years even before you both have been forced to join the Red room, you both were childhood best friends and did everything to survive that hell hole that the both of you were thrown into.

“Will you stay by my side until I fall asleep Y/N?” a small voice if Natalia filled your ears, you just smiled at her

“Always Natalia”

You both grew up together learning to kill people breaking your body with training and shattering your innocent minds but you had each other.

She was your hope, your light in the dark so you had to be strong for her.

Natalia was crying in your arms after a test was conducted each and every one of you had to kill some targets with their family to test our emphathy, Natasha have a soft heart and being force to kill made her hate herself but you were there for here shielding her with thoughts that would break her.

“I killed them Y/N, their child was-… she was to young” she cried as you comforted her rubbing her back with your hands

“It’s not your fault Natalia, you had to do it” you reasoned her as she continued to cry

“will you stay with me even I became a monster Y/N?” she sniffled as her forest green piercing eyes connected to yours, you just smiled at her

“Always Iyubov’ always” you assured her wiping her tears and kissing her forehead.

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You and Natalia or Natasha a name she wanted to be called now were together just before both of you graduated from the Red room and was one of the best assassins of the organization, they knew about you and Natasha’s relationship after you both graduated but never interfere as both of you did your jobs splendidly taking their attention away from your relationship not wanting one of you killed as it would take years before someone can be good as you both to be replaced, she had you when she was sent to her first mission until you adjusted in the circumstance you were in and accepted it as it give you both a bit of freedom to be together and sometimes do things you wanted as long as you do your missions right, but all of that change when Natasha got an offer to join SHEILD, Natasha being her she did not let it pass as she reached her hands to you inviting you to join her.

“Y/N we can change our lives there… we don’t have to kill people just because they want to, we can change the world there” you were a bit shocked to what had Natasha said to you as you had taking a liking on the life you were in.

“Will you stay with me even I betray my country?”  she was nervous… you can hear it in her voice as you accepted her hand as you always do and kissing the back of it which made her smile widely.

“Always IIyubov” she squeaked and throw herself to you caging you in a tightly hug and kissing you endlessly

“ya Iyublyu vas Y/N”

“ya Iyublyu vas Tasha”.

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The SHEILD was no different to the red room that you and Natasha left back in Russia except that SHEILD treated you more nicely and have less missions. Natasha hated killing back then so you talked to Fury to never give Natasha assassinations unless necessary in exchange you will take the missions and do the dirty work for him which he gladly agreed and was kept secret between you both.

“baby I want you to meet Barton, Barton this is my girlfriend Y/N” Natasha was beaming as she introduced you to her friend, an agent she had gotten close from missions that she was dying for you to meet.

He smiled a bit as he offers his hand to you which you gladly took and send him a warm smile thinking how lucky this Barton to be a friend of Natasha.

“it’s nice to finally but a picture to the woman Natasha has been telling me all the time” you smirked and catch a glance at the blushing red head as she elbowed Barton at his side earning us a groan from him

“well Tasha never really shut up about having a friend like you either” Natasha being her sent you a death glare as both you and Barton laugh at the antics of the green eyed ex-assassin.

 And that started a beautiful friendship, You, Barton and Natasha were inseparable. Clint took you and Natasha back to his home where his family lived introducing you to his wife Laura and his kids.

Everything was perfect, Natasha and you having dates around New York, taking undercover missions as a couple, watching movies you missed during the training back in red room, constantly telling each other how much you love them and having to spend Christmas with Barton’s family.

Everything WAS perfect

That change because of that one mission…

The mission to retrieve Dr. Banner or the Hulk.

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“You good Y/N?” you heard Clint asking you as you stop punching the sand bag

“Yeah… why?” taking a towel and wiping off the sweat on your face to look more presentable in front of your friend

“Why are you not part of the Avenger?” he bluntly questions you

You knew this is going to be a hard pill to swallow for Clint and Natasha of you not being part of the team, only you and Fury knows about the deal of you being the assassin of the SHIELD you did some missions with them but you were very discrete with your kills that Barton and Natasha didn’t even notice this so they thought you were doing similar mission like them.

You weren’t put on the Team because the team saves people from harm while you kill people so they won’t do harm. They were the symbol of peace while you lurk in the dark to aid the peace they wanted.

You just laugh at Clint patting his shoulder

“I’m leading a different team Barton, I may not be an Avenger but we only have one goal”

He was silent for a bit before speaking again

“Are you spending enough time with Natasha these days?” you knew where this is going as you shrugged

“we’ve both been busy, after what happened at New York our team’s missions have been piling up and so was yours” you answered

“Y/N it’s not that I want to mendle to you and Natasha’s relationship but… you really need to look after her and Banner… they’ve been far too cosy to each other” he told you as his voice was full of remorse

You knew about this, about her and Banner’s… closeness

You asked her about this the other time but she just brush it off saying that there just friends.

You didn’t want to point it out again because you trust her… but you just can’t get this feeling that there was more to their friendship, and you really can’t blame her that.

“I know” you whispered to him as silence filled the gym

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You were given by Fury a week off from missions which you rejoiced, this was your time to be with Natasha and do something together.

You got off of the floor where the common room of her team is as you saw her by the chair chatting with Clint.

 “hey Tasha, Barton” Natasha and Clint smiled at you as you gave Natasha a hug burring your head on her neck making her giggle as Barton rolled his eyes at you.

“Fancy seeing you here Y/N” Clint said faking a british accent as you punched his shoulder murmuring ‘shut up’. You turned to Natasha

“Wanna get dinner later? My treat” you smiled brightly at her remembering the restaurant Maria suggested to go.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I promised Bruce to have dinner with him, how about tomorrow? Sounds good?” you saw Clint raised his left eyebrow as you felt a small pinch at your heart as you only smiled at her not wanting to alarm her.

“Sure, I’ll pick up tomorrow at 6 then” she kissed you on your cheeks thanking you for understanding as she soon got a call from Bruce wanting some help in the lab bidding you and Clint a goodbye before leaving.

You just sighted, you were looking forward to this dinner grabbing a help from Tony to have reservation in that restaurant since it only cater powerful people and Tony was one of them, you look at Clint as he gave you the ‘I told you so’ look

“so… wanna grab dinner Barton?” he cheekly smiled

“I thought you’d never ask”

When you met him at the exit of the building he also invited Maria and Dr. Cho who is wearing formal dresses as you and Barton wore some suit which made feel a bit better, after dinner Maria and Clint dragged you and Dr. Cho from bar to bar enjoying the break you had as they filled your night with fun taking your thoughts off of Natasha.

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You were invited by Tony to attend his party, you wanted to decline but Clint, Maria and Dr. Cho forced you to come telling to relax for a while and from the moment you stepped in Banner and Natasha have been lost on their own world together.

You watch as Clint, Tony, Rhodey, Banner and Steve trying to pull Thor’s hammer from the glass table as you sat silently beside Natasha who was in a very ‘interesting’ conversation with Banner as you kept drinking the bottle of beer that was filled with vodka chugging it down to your throat just wanting to disappear in this room.

You felt a hand on your shoulder as you turned around seeing it was Dr. Cho as she gently pulled you up from your seat to Maria and Clint’s side making you breathed a bit more comfortable as she sat next to you giving her a kind smile

“Thanks” you whispered

“your welcome” she replied and continued to watch Steve as he pulled the hammer earning a squeak but again didn’t budge.

You felt Maria leaned on your legs as she sat down taking the bottle of beer full of vodka on your hands as she smelt it and immediately gave you a side eye as you murmured a quick “Sorry”

The fun was stopped when a broken robot walked in limping and all you know was there are robots trying to kill all of you.

You jumping to action wanting to run to Natasha to protect her but you saw her running with Banner…

You were jealous of it but Dr. Cho being closer to you, you pulled her away from the chaos as a robot shot the both of you, you hid her behind a large post

“Stay here” you told her as you pulled a gun from your side and started shooting the robot as it falls to the ground and took it’s head off as Thor finished the last one.

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Another problem arises for the Avengers as you barely saw Natasha for a few weeks as you put yourself up from mission to mission not wanting to think about her as all you saw was her and Banner’s face laughing.

“The wall will melt if you kept staring at it you know” you were cut off on your daze by Maria as she sat beside the bed that you are now laying on in the Medical bay, Natasha had been notified about this as you tried to stop them but she never came to look for you.

“How bad was it?” Maria asked seeing your torso wrapped with bandages

“enough to keep me away from missions for two weeks” you sigh not really liking the idea of being coped up in a place that kept reminding you about the circumstance that you were in

“I think I know what have been running through your mind lately… it’s about Bruce and agent Romanoff is it?” the silence of you was taken by Maria as an answer as she looked at you in pity.

And you broke as tears run past you face just staring at nothingness, crying was a foreign thing for you, you never cried when you almost died or taken by the Red room, you never cry when you had your first kill.

But right now… the tears keep streaming down your eyes was you tried your best to stop it, you felt Maria stood and wrap her arms around your shoulder pushing your head on her chest as your tears wouldn’t stop.

“I-I don’t know what to do Maria…” your broken voice hurts Maria in many different ways, out of all the people she met you were one of the most calm person she encountered, and most importantly you are her friend…

It hurts her seeing you cry, it’s her first time seeing you being vule like this.

“just let it all out Y/N”

And you did.

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You stood there outside of room Natasha was in wanting to see her as their mission failed and now laying low at Barton’s house but you stood there frozen from the scene of her and Banner holding each other.

You rushed out of your mission when you heard about what happened to them as Clint told you that Natasha was injured and all shaken up with the enhance girl putting things in their mind, you dropped everything and just want to be with the red head but what greeted you is this.

You clench your hands so hard not wanting to break here when you felt someone hugged your leg

“Aunt Y/N” Lila said as you gave her a forced smile picking her up from the ground

“where’s your mom hmm?” you asked her sweetly as she points out to the kitchen as you tickled her sending her in full giggles walking to the kitchen and seeing a very pregnant Laura cooking

Putting Lila down and greeting Laura as she turned to you

“Y/N! oh god I missed you!” you chuckled as she gave you a hug which you return

“Missed you too Laura” you broke the hug

“so did you meet Nat?” you just shrug at her wanting to change the topic so you stared at her big belly

“you look big Lau” she smacked your arm as you both laugh

“I know Lila has been telling me that, why don’t you go sit I’ll make some food” you decline as you picked up some ingredient and started cutting it.

“Nah I’ll be helping you out, we don’t want you getting to worked up”

After you finished cooking you left some supplies for them and sneakily left the Barton’s house not wanting to alarm the team as you linger around the perimeter checking for some anomalies before completely leaving for another mission Fury assigned.

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“p-please don’t kill me I’ll do anything!”

Your phone rang as you were in the middle of killing one of the many leader of Hydra as he sat on the ground begging for his life

You quickly answered it as Clint’s voice filled your ear

“Y/N, Nat has been taken” your face harden as anger builds inside you

“What?! “

“Ultron took her”

“I’m on my way”

You ended the call and shooting the man on his head 3 times before heading out

All you though that time was to find Natasha.

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You just stood there behind Clint in silent not wanting to lash out in anger and worry about Natasha, there are two new people in the group Pietro and Wanda… you thought they were too young for this, barely even living normal live and was thrown in to this mess… you pitied them as you pitied yourself.

Vision gave Thor his hammer which surprised everyone. Thor took the hammer as Vision left everyone speechless.

“right… well done” Thor patted Tony’s shoulder before leaving

“three minutes, get what you need” Steve said as all of us left packing things they’ll be needing.

You took some guns, daggers and things you needed as you held the locket Natasha gave you after you both graduated from the Red room… it has the first picture of you both smiling as you held a bit more freedom back then.

All you every though is

Bring back Natasha, bring back your love.

You remembered what Natasha used to say to you ‘will you stay by my side?’

“Always” you voiced out kissing the locket placing it back on your neck near your heart.

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You were tasked to save Natasha with Banner and evacuated her, you lurked behind Banner as you both navigated your way to Natasha’s cage, you stood at the dark as you pulled your dagger out of the robot beheading it just be sure, turning around seeing Bruce has set Natasha free and again lost between their world.

You want to shout at them wanting your presence to be known rage boiled up inside you and everything stopped when she kissed him… your heart ached, it’s like someone was crushing your heart as all you want is to scream.

You silently left not wanting to see more of them as the picture of them kissing filled your head.

As you got outside you saw robots coming everywhere, you held on your gun and dagger tighter as civilians passed you, you swiftly yanked a robot’s head that was sticking out on the ground and all you saw was red…

 You kicked a head of a robot you just beheaded as tons of them was laying beneath your feet, you have gashes littering your body but you didn’t feel any tiredness or soreness only rage and betrayal.

“Y/N?” you froze when you heard the familiar voice of the woman you love, you didn’t want to turn around to see her face as it only reminds you that you were never hers anymore but you can never deny her.

You turn around facing her as your eyes held emptiness, she looked a bit worried as she took a step closer to you avoiding the metal bodies as you held your gun pointing at her and she stopped

“Y/N what are you doi-“ her words cut off when you fired the gun hitting the robot that was flying behind her.

You heard Tony saying stuff at your earpiece wanting all of you at the core as you saw Natasha’s hand holding it out on you

“stay with me?” your anger and rage melted at her words as it brought you back the memories of the past as you took her hand

“always”

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“Together” Tony said as Natasha held your hands tighter as you squeeze it reassuring her

And that, all hell broke loose.

You kept killing robots after robots so was everyone keeping them away from the core, you saw a robot going to Natasha’s back, you pulled it’s head snapping its neck.

 “I’ll protect it” Wanda said as you, Natasha and Clint rode a car towards where the evacuation is

“get your asses on the boat” Natasha said as all of you got out of the car

“where are you going?” you asked her

“I have to get the big guy” ah… Banner you saw her run to the side as you stood there as you felt Clint held your shoulder

“hey… lets go now” you just nodded following him

 Bullets rained down as everyone took cover, Clint on the other hand pulled a child while you were beside him taking cover as you saw Pietro running to shield him…

You pushed your body forward as you reached Pietro’s left side but not enough to cover him from the other shots

You felt bullets broke out of your skin while you saw Pietro took 3, two on his arm and one on his right leg,

he’ll be alright with that…

you thought as your body weaken after taking one on your right shoulder on the right side of your stomach and on your arm.

You held your ground as you put pressure at the shot by your stomach as it bleeds out badly

“you good kid?” you ask Pietro as he nods limping

“Y/N!” you heard Clint shouted as Steve drag you and Pietro to the ship

Your ears were ringing badly as Clint tried to stop the bleeding

“Barton… I badly need a nap right now…” you whispered as blood ran down your lips

“Y/N hey don’t you dare sleep, We need a medic! Agent Y/N is down!” you heard Clint’s voice as you saw Pietro at the side sitting as he looked at you with apologetic eyes as you gave him a reassuring smile.

You saw small dark dots as you kept your eyes open not wanting Clint screaming at you but then you were swallowed by darkness.

 Clint run to the helicarrier towards the medical bay with you on his arm limping with Steve behind him holding Pietro

“MOVE!!” he shouted as he reached the med bay placing you on one of the bed as Dr. Cho did her best to keep you alive,

Clint was thrown out of the room as they waited outside patiently

“We’re losing her! Get the defibrillator!”

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“Im gonna go and see Pietro” Steve announced as Clint just nodded as he sat beside the bed you lay on, as much as Clint hated the beeping sound from the machines that was hooked up from you it is the only reminder for him of you being alive.

Maria already passed by but Natasha was nowhere to be seen, Maria told Clint that she was busy finding Banner who is now in the quinjet in stealth mode and that made them angry.

Her girlfriend is lying here barely even alive but she kept searching for that guy.

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“Thank you for saving me Y/N” Pietro’s heavy accent filled the room you were in

“you still have a lot of things to accomplish kid, and stop thanking me already” you took a bite off of your sandwich which Wanda made for you

“Your sandwich really hits the spot Wanda thanks” you smiled at the witch

“your welcome Y/N, I’ll bring some more tomorrow if you want” she smiled warmly

“that would be great”

A knock on the door and a red head popped on it

“well that’s our cue, come Pietro” Wanda pulled Pietro out of the room as Natasha walked in locking the room.

 “Y/N” she called you

“Natasha” you acknowledge her

 “how are you?...”

“getting better now”

 And a loud noise of silence embraced you both, you took a deep breath looking at the large glass with the green view outside

“I know…” you broke the silence as her head whip to look at you

“What-“ you cut her off

“I know about you and Banner…” you told her bluntly and straight forward

“Y/N… im sorry…”

You gave her a smile cupping her face as tears started to stream down her face

“It’s alright IIyubov… I really can’t blame you if you fall in love with him…” God… it’s been forever since you last called her that

You wipe off her tears as she kept saying how sorry she was as you hugged her tightly as if it was the last time you will do.

“Does he make you happy Tasha?” you asked her as she stayed silent for a while before nodding, your heart ached as it was like being stumped

“Do you love him?” you felt a nod as you closed your eyes tightly not wanting your tears to run by your face. Natasha was all you had left, your reason for everything, all you want is to protect her and keep her safe and make her happy.

And if she’s happy with him… even it hurts… you would gladly let her go

“Be with him…” Natasha froze in your embrace as her green eyes found yours

“All I wanted for you is to you to be happy Natalia… if being with him felt right then I would gladly let you go” at that moment you saw flashes of you and Natasha from the first time you met, to her being scared, the time you confessed your feeling, to your first kiss, the day you held each other as if non in the world matters, to your graduation in Red room, both of you joining SHIELD, celebrating Christmas with the Barton’s and to her lingering laughs and giggles telling you how much she loved you…

Your eyes were watery, Natasha was shocked by the words coming out of your mouth, it is her first time since you were kids seeing you this… broken… and she hated herself for she was the reason her Y/N was this. You’re her hero, her guardian, her shield you followed her everywhere around the globe happily as you were her sun.

A tear slipped from your eyes as you smiled painfully to the woman you love, to the woman you thought you would end up forever… to your home… With all the courage you spoke

“ya Iyublyu vas Natalia, Always and forever” kissing her forehead

as painful as it is, she can’t move forward with a part of her past lingering around her… You…

Breaking the embraced you were with her, taking a step back as you smiled at her as she stayed silent watching you

whispering your last words to her

“goodbye Natalia”

You walk off the room closing the door behind you with heavy heart. You are happy that she’s now making her own choices… not being tied down with anything and having control to her life, you are proud of her even that choice she made hurts you.

It breaks you to let her go but

Natasha finally found her family in Avenger

As you lost yours.

[lunarastrobabe]

Nathan Drake x F!Reader- Lights Out

(All Fluff, no warnings)

Tonight was the night, the night of the biggest black market auction in all of Italy. You had been dreading this night ever since you were invited by Sully, Nathan and Sam. Not because of them, but because you were going to be meeting the richest people in the world, not to mention they were most likely rude and stuck up, always looking down at others who didn’t have as much money as they did. Then again, you thought of the upside, it was an opportunity to wear a red sparkly gown and show off your beauty. You were Sully’s plus one, considering he knew the people running this auction, it’d be the easiest way of getting in, letting the boys handle the rest, especially the climbing. A few days before, when Nate explained everything about Sam, Alcazar and Avery’s cross being sold at the auction house, you had a bad feeling that their old ‘friend’ would be in the front row. A tingly feeling ran down your spine, causing you to shudder at the sensation as you fiddled with your fingers nervously. You waited with Sully for the boys to arrive in a small room upstairs, it was filled with a few bookshelves, a small couch with a lamp, a red wine coloured carpet and soft lighting. It felt cosy yet, empty at the same time. Your worried thoughts circled around your mind, you stumbled a little, feeling dizzy. “C’mon darlin’, they will be fine.” Sully reassured you and placed an arm around your shoulders. Sully was always a huge comfort and a father figure in your eyes. He always knew the right things to say in stressful situations such as this one, not to mention the ones in the past. You exhaled slowly, controlling your breathing to calm down and focus on why you were here. You needed a clear mind if you wanted to get out alive. “You’re right, I’m sorry Sully, it’s just ..” You paused for a second, looking away and scratched the back of your neck. “I just don’t want anything to go wrong .. like last time.” Your eyes glanced to the shut window, anxiously waiting for the two of them to jump through before looking back at Sullivan. He noticed the fear in your eyes, something you could usually hide very well, but not from him. “It will be fine, my dear.” He patted your shoulder gently, then took a seat on the couch, fiddling with the light switch making the lamp flicker on and off, possibly as a signal. Taking a seat beside Sully you relaxed into the fabric, feeling some sort of peace before the chaos would begin. Time went by, not realising you had zoned out for fifteen minutes, you heard the window being pushed open, your head snapped up and saw Nathan and Sam hop into the room, both dressed in their smart black suits and bow ties, you had to admit, they both cleaned up very well, they seemed to light up a room with their smiles. After they exchanged pleasantries with each other, including Sully’s joke about partying with a ‘bunch of crooks’ as he had put it, Nate took a few steps towards you, looking at you in awe of how beautiful you looked. His kind eyes gazing from your figure to your hair to your eyes. “I hope there’s a compliment somewhere in that head of yours.” You joked, laughing a little, breaking the awkward silence. Sam jumped in, being the wing-man for his little brother, “Let me say it for him,” He stood behind Nate, his hands on his shoulders. “He thinks you look amazing.” He smiled at you, then shook him gently before following Sully down into the ballroom. Your cheeks feeling flushed mixed with butterflies in your stomach. You couldn’t help but let out a shy giggle. “Is that right Mr Drake?” You said to Nate, raising an eyebrow at him. “Has anyone ever told you, you have a funny idea of romantic?” He spoke softly, and held out his arm for you to take, remembering a fond memory of the last time he said that to you. You had been in love with Nate for so many years, yet, you never had the courage to tell him, although you were hoping he could already tell by the way you cared for him, the way you put out the effort to be with him on these crazy trips, or whenever you’d put your life on the line to save him in the

most dire situations. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.” Smiling, you hooked your arm through his and he led you both downstairs to the ballroom. You were intrigued by this particular occasion, wondering what everybody was wearing, and what was on display for millions of euros, you loved history and treasure hunting just as much as Nate did, it’s the reason why you two got on so well together. Your matching red stiletto heels clicked across the hard, shiny marble floor. A giant crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling illuminating the room, tall, long windows and round tables with small sculptures standing on top. A few balcony’s sat above your heads, everybody had at least one drink in their hands. You glanced around the room, admiring all the people that surrounded you, it was crowded but having Nate by your side made you feel safe. “Oh, this place is fancy ...” Nate said, astonished. “Of course they’d play douche european techno.” He quietly said in your ear, making you laugh a little. The hair on your arms standing up, and a tingly feeling ran across your neck from his minty breath. The way he made you feel was nothing you’d ever felt before. His pearly white smile, his blue, ocean eyes, his gentle touch whenever he held you, hugged you or checked you for wounds. His heart was the one thing you loved the most. You adored him, more than words could say. “You’d think they’d choose better music for a place like this.” Whispering back to him, giving him the side eye. “Well, money can’t buy taste,” He chuckled and patted your arm before going over to meet Sully and Sam by the doors to discuss the plan, but you half expected Nate would either get caught or use his sarcastic charm on the wrong person. You admired him from afar, watching him walk away, then made your way to the open bar just to the left of you, you needed as much alcohol as possible to survive the swarms of people. Ordering a glass of champagne, you downed it within two seconds, waiting for Nate to return. You decided to stray from the crowd, hoping nobody would recognise you or the guys, closely scanning the room to see if their friend, Rafe Adler was around. You turned away and ordered another glass, Nate came up behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders. “[Y/N].” He said quietly, you jumped a little, startled at his presence but turned to face him. “Everything okay Nate?” You asked, concerned, placing your drink down back on the bar. “Oh yeah, of course,” He smiled, but then it faded, realising you had a bored expression. “Are you okay?” He placed a hand on your arm, sending shivers down your spine once again. His hands were warm, soft to the touch. His kind eyes looking at the lights glow against your skin, wondering how he got so lucky to have someone so supportive with him, every step of the way. You shrugged, “I don’t know, Nate, I have a bad feeling about this place, this mission, everything, and I’m worried for your safety.” You moved your fresh curls away from your eyes, grabbing your drink from the side and taking another sip. “Listen to me, once we get the cross, we’ll be out of here,” He put an arm around your shoulders. You heart beating a mile a minute, almost as if it was going to burst from your chest, the smell of his cologne filled your nostrils. You sighed, swirling the fizzy liquid around your glass, wishing you were back home. “Okay, let me try and cheer you up.” He said, an idea sparking his mind. “How will you do that?” You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “Just listen.” He chuckled. He cleared his throat. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?” You let out a small laugh, amused by his effort but still the worries claimed you. “That was so cheesy, Nate.” You rolled your eyes. “Hear me out. It’ll work.” He paused for a moment, thinking of another one. All he wanted was to make you happy, make you laugh. “Do you have a map? Because I’m getting lost in your eyes.” Typical Nate, his own joke made him laugh, including you, the first real, laugh of the evening, and you were

actually having more fun than you anticipated. “You’re so silly Nate, how do I put up with you?” Laughing mid sentence, his eyes lit up, proud of himself for cheering you up. “Hey, I’m a real charmer. Of all people, you would know that.” He said in defence, with a big beaming smile. “Okay, tell me one more, and then we’ll know how charming you can be.” You folded your arms across your chest, smirking, wondering what more he could come up with. “I’ve got it. Ready?” He rubbed his hands together. You nodded. “Are you French? Because Eif-fel for you.” At that point, you lost it, you laughed along with Nate who thought it was just as hilarious. “You are a special kind of charming.” You giggled, patting his cheek with your hand. “For you, yes.” He pressed a kiss to your cheek, the first kiss from him you had ever gotten, sweet and subtle. Because of him, you forgot about all your worries and problems, and you were more determined to get this job done.

[kaistrex]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿)

I think this is fun, and will add to the meme “and say why you like them especially” because I always love to hear writers talk about their work.

I stumbled across this and remembered that I did it once before a few years ago (found here), and I thought it would be fun to do again to see how my answers have changed.

I’ve replaced 3 of my 5 answers, and 3 of them are ones I’ve written this year. All Sterek, because what else? 😉

1. Where the Real Beasts Are | 109k | Explicit

Crown Prince Stiles is gifted a direwolf on his eighteenth birthday by King Gerard I of Venatia. The only instruction? Never remove the collar.

Stiles never has been one to do as he’s told.

This fic is really special to me. The base plot idea feels like the best one I’ve had for any of my fics ever and that I’ll never come up with anything so good again 😂 I love Royalty AUs, and there’s something about this one that feels so cosy to me, probably partly because my mind spent so much time existing in it with how long it took me to get it written.

I started to drift away from the Sterek fandom while I was writing it, and I honestly thought it would be my Sterek swan song, but I’ve since written more for this fandom this year than I’ve written during any other, so I guess that thought was a little premature haha

2. Lemon & Ginger | 2.5k | Teen

A new tea shop has opened in Beacon Hills, and Laura drags Derek along so he can try the incredible, memory-evoking drinks for himself. He’s soon going back for more, but is it because of the tea, or the owner?

This one felt so great to write because I had the kernel of the idea and some scenes that I noted down, then a few days went by before I got bit by the writing bug and managed to knock the rest out in the space of one day. It’s so rare that I have that happen. I wish I could get more short one shots like this done more often, but the ideas come to me so few and far between 🙃

I actually kind of want to revisit this and do an AU of it that explores Stiles’ power a little more, and maybe gives it a proper plot for more of a longfic, but I have zero plot ideas for what I’d actually do with it, so for now that’s on the backburner.

3. A Land of Myth | 8.8k | Teen

While tracking a manticore across the border of their Kingdom, Stiles and other Knights of his order run into a group of Knights from Kanima also hunting the beast. Among their number is Derek Hale, a werewolf Stiles spent a memorable one night stand with a year ago. What should have been a peaceful hunt turns into a not-so-friendly rivalry, the reliving of a bitter memory, and Derek refusing to even acknowledge him. It will be a miracle if they can all cooperate long enough to actually do some monster slaying.

This is another fic that feels really cosy to me for some reason. I’m still really pleased with how all the flashbacks work in this and the way the end links back up to the beginning. I’m always surprised by how short the word count is too, when it feels like it should work out so much longer!

4. A Bud Beginning to Flower | 5.3k | Teen

Whilst attending the wedding of his best friend, Prince Stiles comes face to face with Prince Derek, a member of the Hale delegation from the north. His father considers Prince Derek a worthy match, but tales of the man's reputation as a bore - not to mention his suspected involvement in an assassination attempt on his own family - feeds Stiles' distrust before they've ever even met.

This one is still clinging on from the last time I did this! Whenever I look over this fic now, I can see that it needs a bit of a rework, especially when it comes to the paragraph breaks (and that intro ugh), and there’s one line in particular that needs changing that I’ve been aware of for years and have still done nothing about, but I am still fond of it 😊 I’m sure it won’t be long until I’ve got yet another Royalty AU in the works...

5. The Hand-me-down | 0.7k | Teen

Derek gives each member of the pack a leather jacket on their eighteenth birthday. Stiles can’t wait to see what he might get.

This fifth spot was a toss up between a few different fics but I just went with this.

I really like how simple the idea behind this one is, and how it’s short and sweet and straight to the point. This is one I’ll sometimes give a look over for a quick little burst of fluffiness. And I was really surprised that so many people liked the final author’s note!

(If tumblr will let me,) tagging: @mtlyfe @fanfics-fix @hyperlittlenori @fairydustedtheory @raisesomehale

[cafeacademia]

Belonging

Draco x Muggleborn!Reader

Summary: While you and Draco share a sweet friendship, you’re not sure he’ll ever feel the same way about as you do about him.

Warnings: Worry of unrequited love, lots of gentle soft fluff, Draco being a sweet boy.

Word count: Approx 3600

Masterlist

NOTE: This fic works with any house except for Slytherin purely for the nature of the storyline

A/N: Hi loves! I took a little while to write this one, it’s kind of been in the works for several days because I just had some trouble getting some of the scenes in this right. I hope you enjoy some soft Draco 💖 Gif is my own

It was warm under his gaze, the soft smiles he would give you, the way he would look at you as if just being with you put the whole world right again and things in your presence were perfect.

His touch was even sweeter, the way his fingers brushed carefully against your cheek, his smile widening as he caught a glimpse of your shy smile, unable to hold his gaze as he shared a moment with you, because as much as you adored him, you could never admit it. And even if you did, would Draco Malfoy even want you, a muggle-born witch that did not share his house? As much as you wanted to believe that he might, you knew at the very least that his father would not accept you, not to mention the people who aligned themselves with him that Draco was around often and so you hid your feelings beneath your shy smiles and soft laughs, hoping you were not too obvious.

“What are you thinking about, love?” Draco asked as you shared a sweet moment together, standing on the bridge, overlooking the school grounds and the lake while you waited for your next class. Glancing over at him, your gaze was tender as you looked at him, his soft, slightly tousled ashen hair and light grey eyes, contrasted with his dark robes and the thick green and silver scarf that was draped over his shoulders. “Not a lot, I’m just enjoying it out here.” You lied, looking back towards the view ahead of you before Draco could catch you looking, but really he had already caught you and he couldn’t help the little smile that felt so uncontrollable after seeing that look in your eyes when you looked at him.

“What’s on your mind?” You turned the question back around on him, the Slytherin smiling to himself as he drew in a breath to speak. “How beautiful the view here is.” He replied, chancing a quick glance at you. Draco liked you. He knew he did and nearly from the moment he’d first seen you he had developed a liking for you, though he couldn’t quite tell if it was a crush or a soft spot he held for you. Either way, he adored your company and out of everyone else in the castle, you were the most accepting and the most calming person he had come across.

And had it not been for Professor Flitwick pairing you both together on a class project a few years prior, Draco never would have gotten to know you and he was always thankful for the bond the pair of you had formed over your years at Hogwarts together. Looking at you in the cold winter sunlight, Draco watched as the gentle rays of light cast a beautiful hue over you and as he admired you, he found himself deeply captivated, every bit of tension or stress that had bothered him earlier in the day seemed so far away now that he was with you.

But as the low, heavy ring of the clocktower bell broke the peace of your shared moment, Draco found himself wondering what it was that he really felt for you. “Come on, we’ve got potions.” You said softly, turning away from the beautiful view before Draco joined you in walking to class.

Despite the sweet moments the pair of you shared, the lingering looks and the soft, accidental touches that last only a second before you shyly pull away, you knew that even if you did tell Draco about how you felt, that he wouldn’t reciprocate those feelings back.

Walking into the potions classroom, you walked towards your usual spot with Draco stopping to talk to Blaise Zabini on his way in. “C’mon Draco, sit at the back with us.” Pansy Parkinson called him over with Daphne Greengrass sat with her, an empty chair between them and the ashen haired boy looked over in their direction, casting them both a stupid grin before he crossed the classroom to sit between the two girls. And that was the reason why you knew he wouldn’t feel the same way, because even if he held no prejudice towards you for being a muggle-born witch, he had at least two girls that surrounded Draco with every chance they had, both being very pretty and probably very likable and shared the same house with him.

And to be quite honest, part of the reason why you were sure he didn’t feel that way about you was because on several occasions you had seen Pansy cosy up to him, leaning against his side or standing rather close to him and in one instance, you had seen her kiss him on the cheek, though you seemed to remember at the time that he hadn’t looked best pleased about that.

It was halfway through a practical in your double potions class, having been partnered with Lavender Brown, who for the last half hour had been discussing all of the happenings around the Gryffindor common room with you, that you overheard Daphne Greengrass talking on the next table over from you. “You’re going to Hogsmeade this weekend, aren’t you Draco?” She asked as she weighed out a portion of Billywig wings to create the laughing potion Professor Snape had tasked you all with. “I was wondering if you’d go with me?” Daphne added.

During the pause that followed, you carefully put in three Knarl quills, one at a time and stirred quickly while Lavender held the recipe book and passed you things as she talked. “I don’t know. I did have other plans this weekend.” Draco said blankly and for a moment, his eyes sparing a quick glance at you, though all he could see was the look of sheer concentration on your features as you stared down at your potion. “Well I can join you, I’m not going to Hogsmeade this weekend.” Pansy cut in.

But before you could listen any further, Lavender grabbed your arm with enthusiasm. “The recipe says we have to giggle at it.” She told you brightly. “Giggle at it?” You asked and as if your question had been heard, the dungeon was quickly filled with the sound of Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter laughing together at their potion.

Saturday came around faster than you had expected and before you knew it, the trip to Hogsmeade commenced. Hermione, Harry and Ron were in high spirits as they stopped for butterbeer, Luna and Neville quickly joining them. You were stopped a few times, laughter filling the air as Fred and George messed around with flying sweets, George passing you some self inflating bubble gum, which according to the side of the packet, the bubble would get to at least three times the size of a normal bubble gum bubble.

Meandering in and out of the different shops and spending money on things that caught your eyes, you made your way out of the main part of the town and towards the edge of the treeline where it opened up into a clearing that overlooked the Shrieking Shack.

The recent snowfall had blanketed the whole town in several inches of snow, adding to the eerie, yet calm atmosphere that seemed to fall over the shack in the distance. “Mind some company?” His voice broke the silence and you looked back over your shoulder to see Draco standing at the edge of the trees at the end of the pathway that led to the lookout from the village. You smiled at him, perhaps more brightly than you had intended and while you tried your best not to give away how you really felt, Draco was starting to see it.

And as you invited him over, the Slytherin took slow steps towards you, each footfall followed by the soft crunch and creak of the snow beneath him until he was at your side, his eyes meeting yours. “I was looking everywhere for you.” Draco said softly, as if he didn’t want to disturb the gentle quiet that the snow had created. “You were?” You asked, a little bit taken aback by the idea that Draco had been seeking you out. “Of course, as much as I like spending time with the others,” He paused, looking down at you as he reached up to gently move some of your hair out of your face. “It isn’t like spending time with you.” His voice dropped to a soft whisper. Draco didn’t know how to even describe how you made him feel, but whenever he saw you, whenever he was at your side, Draco felt nothing but calmness and warmth and there was another feeling that he couldn’t quite put his finger on, that seemed to escape him.

His words made you break out into a little smile and Merlin, Draco thought you were the sweetest. He’d never known someone to be so shy and sweet in his presence, to be so accepting of him in every way and somehow it felt as if you didn’t quite know what it was you did to him, how you made him feel.

You wondered what made him seek your attention, rather than that of Pansy or Daphne, or any other girl for that matter, and as you wondered, it was as if Draco knew what you were thinking. “The other girls - Pansy is nice, she’s my friend but,” He sighed looking down at his hands for a moment as he gathered his words. “She can be very intense. And I suppose Daphne can be too.” “I like the way it makes me feel when I’m with you.” He added. Your eyes almost widened at that and you quickly looked up at him to see that Draco was smiling softly at you and your heart near melted. “How does that feel?” You asked quietly. He smiled, drawing in a breath to respond, eyes shifting into the distance as he thought about it for a moment.

How was he supposed to describe that fluttering he felt every time he so much as saw you? How was Draco meant to put into words the indescribable longing he had to be with you each day and how much he wished he could work out what it was that it meant? And then there was that heart fluttering feeling that Draco had never felt before but it warmed him like nothing ever had.

“Like I belong.” He finally replied in a dreamy tone, the Slytherin deep in thought as his eyes looking down from the horizon to catch your gaze and his smile widened, his fingers gently brushing against your cheek. You felt yourself warm, not just at his words but his touch too and your words escaped you, lips parted, wanting to say something, but a comfortable silence overtook you. Draco smiled sweetly at you, he didn’t expect a response and the flustered look of flattery on your features was more than enough to tell him how you felt.

“Draco!” His name was called from nearby and he muttered a mildly annoyed bugger under his breath. “I’ll see you later, won’t I?” He asked in a softer tone. “You always manage to find me.” You nodded, giving him a sweet smile, Draco giving you a bright, lopsided grin as he reached forwards and took your hand in both of his. “Meet with me later?” He asked softly, his thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hand. “In the owlery before dinner.” He added, eyes fixed on yours as he waited for an answer. “I’ll be there.” You nodded, giving him an almost uncontrollable smile and Draco’s grin widened at your answer before he leaned over to press a gentle kiss to your cheek.

And with confidence in his stride, Draco let go of your hand and backed away from you with that dreamy lopsided grin of his before he turned away and took a quick jog back towards the village, Blaise Zabini calling out for him again before he even reached the pathway.

It wasn’t long before the trip to Hogsmeade came to an end and you all made your way back home to the castle. Though, while everyone else was enthusiastically discussing everything they had bought and things they had seen, chatting among themselves and while Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood walked alongside you, talking about Hogsmeade, your mind wandered to Draco.

He had never asked you to meet him before, except for that one occurrence when you had been working on an assignment together, but this was different. There wasn’t a school related purpose and the way he had asked you had completely melted your heart and left you with your heart beating fast and cheeks that felt hot to the touch. The kiss on the cheek was rather what had caused that reaction though and for the remainder of the trip, you had worn a positively dreamy, uncontrollable smile.

The walk back to Hogwarts seemed to fly by and before you knew it, you were walking up the icy steps to the owlery. It was much colder as the sun hung low on the horizon, twilight drawing in as the last warm pink hues of light streaked across the few clouds that were in the sky.

You gripped the stone stairway tightly as you walked up the steps carefully, the ice making the steps particularly difficult to walk on. “Careful not to slip, love.” Draco seemingly came out of nowhere and you jumped when you’d heard his voice behind you, losing your footing on the icy steps, but Draco was quick to take hold of you and stop you from stumbling or falling.

“You won’t fall love, I’ve got you.” He smiled, stepping up to your side, the ashen haired boy chuckling softly at the look of mild embarrassment on your features. And to make it worse - or perhaps better, Draco had kept his hold on you and you realised just how close to each other you were. “Thank you.” You managed to get out in your flustered state, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that his touch seemed to make your heart skip a beat, but you had a feeling that at this point, there was very little point in hiding your liking for Draco, because you were pretty sure you had outed yourself at least more than once.

Taking your hand in his, Draco led you up the last few steps before you both reached the top of the stairs to find a beautiful view of the grounds. “I’d take you up to the top, but it’s a bit too icy.” Draco said, glancing over his shoulder at the entrance to the owlery. The door was shut, but you could still hear the owls hooting and chattering and moving about their roosts, the odd one here and there coming in to land and climbing into the tower by the little owl sized holes around the entire perimeter of the building.

Giggling, you cast your eyes down at your hands, yours fitting perfectly in his. “I don’t think going up is a good idea, I’d probably fall down the first step.” You joked, and while you said it in a playful manner, you knew you were more clumsy when you were around Draco, his presence always making you a little too flustered to fully concentrate on what you were doing. “I’d catch you if you did, sweetheart.” Draco replied, the name he used for you giving you butterflies while your heart fluttered in your chest and you wondered if he knew what he did to you.

“I’m sorry for asking you to come all the way out here, I would have asked you to meet me in the castle, but it’s hard to get a moment alone.” He told you, shifting a bit closer to your side. “It’s okay, the company and the view are certainly worth it.” You smiled, relaxing against him without realising at first, but as you leaned your head against his shoulder, you suddenly pulled away and looked away from him shyly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” You rushed your apology out, but Draco shook his head, smiling as he let go of your hand to put his arm around your shoulder and gently pull you back against his side. “You never need to apologise to me, darling.” Draco reassured you calmly. “Besides, I never said I didn’t like it, did I?” He asked in a teasing tone, making you smile. “I suppose not.” You giggled softly.

And as you relaxed against him, letting out a breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding in, you felt yourself melt into his side, your head resting on his shoulder again as you watched the last rays of sunlight disappear and the twilight grow into a cool deep blue hue.

A soft breeze rustled the trees, the gentle patter of snow began to fill the air as the clouds came back in, casting a deeper grey blue across the sky and you shivered, Draco smiling as he tugged you even closer to your side.

“You know, earlier when I told you how I feel around you,” Draco paused, his breath swirling up in the cold air as he let out a breath. “You really do make me feel like I belong.” He smiled, looking over at you as he gently squeezed you against his side. “But there’s something else too, like this overwhelming feeling of-.” Draco stopped himself, eyes meeting yours, though his grey eyes held an air of deep thought. “A feeling of what, Draco?” You asked quietly with an edge of intrigue to your tone.

What was it really? It was more than a sense of belonging. It was deeper than a good friendship. It was more than just knowing the other person. It was as if, despite your different personalities, you were just meant to be. Perhaps the butterflies and the fluttering in his chest and the way his heart skipped a beat whenever you smiled or giggled or even looked at him was more than just a little crush.

“Love.” It came out as a whisper and for once, you watched as a soft pink blush blossomed on Draco’s cheeks and for a moment you were sure you were daydreaming this all up in the silence between you, but the longer you held his warm gaze and Draco looked at you with nothing but love in his eyes, you knew it was very much real. “You love me?” You whispered, your smile almost uncontrollable, but your eyes told him you were in disbelief, because throughout the years of knowing one another and becoming as close as you had, you told yourself time and time again that there was no way Draco Malfoy would like you that way, let alone love you.

“I love you.” Draco told you, his voice sincere and his smile soft and warm. “I love you too.” You replied, a little blown away because in all of the years you had known the Slytherin boy, you hadn’t once thought anything like this would ever happen. And without sparing another moment, Draco pulled you into his arms, his hands coming up to gently cradle your head as he leaned in to kiss you. He was tender and sweet as his lips moved against yours, warm and loving and you quickly melted against him, your fingers slowly brushing over his chest and slipping beneath the lapels of his long black coat to rest against his warm jumper. Draco held you with one hand resting on your lower back, while he gently held your cheek with the other, his lips soft and warm against yours as he kissed you slowly.

The snow fell in a gentle flurry around you as Draco deepened the kiss, your hands moving up to meet at the back of his neck, pulling yourself even closer to him. You felt your heart flutter and it was impossible not to smile into the kiss.

As he parted from you, Draco looked down at you with warmth and love in his eyes. Looking back on all of the moments you had spent with Draco, even from the very beginning those years ago when you had been paired together on that class project, there had always been something between you. And between the longing looks and the lingering touches, the secret meetings and the times he’d sneak up on you while you walked alone to get a giggle out of you. All of those times he came to comfort you and rest his hand gently on your shoulder or gently wipe away your tears with his thumbs and embrace you when you needed someone the most. How had you not seen it? How had you not seen the unconditional nature of his love for you? And you supposed in some ways you had seen it, but you were too busy trying to hide your own adoration for Draco and trying not to run away with the idea of being in love with him that it just didn’t quite occur to you.

“Come on darling, let’s head back and warm up with dinner.” Draco smiled, holding his hand out for you to take. “And perhaps you can tell me what you want to do for our first date while we eat?” He added as you placed your hand in his and looked up at him with a bright smile. “That sounds lovely.” You replied. “Not as lovely as you.” Draco grinned, teasing you a little bit. “How romantic of you.” You giggled, shaking your head as he started to walk you down the steps. “Only for you, my sweet girl.” Draco said with sincerity, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to your cheek.

Taglist (OPEN):

@kitkatd7​ @paintballkid711​ @thesewaywardskies​ @coldlilheart​ @victorialynn7​ @pandaxnienke​ @megantje123​ @loving-life-my-way​ @chaotic-fae-queen​

[wallwriterstuff]

Baby’s First Christmas ||Demetri Volturi x Female Reader||

Part 1: Found Family 

Warnings: Mentions of death very briefly but the majority of this is tooth rotting christmas fluff. 

Words: 3707

Summary: A request for @raindancer2004

A Christmas one-shot for Found Family. It’s Lyra’s first Christmas with Demetri in the home he has brought for himself and his new family, and he goes overboard ensuring his little girl is spoiled rotten.

There are had been many horrible days in the past year. Your boyfriend of the time had packed up and left in April, your daughter born to you in the January where your only support in the room was a midwife who had been called in last minute to replace the one suddenly taken ill. Your best friend leaving to a new city in March, never to be heard of again despite leaving you the gift of a lovely holiday – where you almost died. Meeting Demetri was one of the few highlights of your year if you were honest, and life had gradually improved since with his video calls, once weekly and suddenly every other day when you both realised you physically couldn’t cope with the silence for more than 24 hours at a time.

Then your parents died.

Demetri had flown straight out, taking some extended leave to ensure you had someone to lean on in your grief. Lyra had needed someone to care for her properly on the days your tired body couldn’t cope. It wasn’t until you had came crawling pitifully down the stairs for some sleeping tablets at 3AM once that you understood how difficult it had been for him, catching him hunched over a baby book as he absorbed every word in an effort to be the perfect caregiver for your daughter. When he’d asked you to let him look after you in a more permanent fashion, you’d agreed without hesitation. He had taken you back to Volterra the following week, helping you pack your possessions, sell what you didn’t want, and send things off to await your arrival. You’d ignored the looks of your neighbours, the old kooks peering through the curtains to eye you with disdain. What kind of woman moved to a new country with her boyfriend of four months after all? Obviously, you had to be knocked up again.

They had no understanding of just how deep the bond between you and Demetri was, not a single idea of how all-consuming, soul warming and fulfilling your love for each other had grown to be. Your new home was ready and waiting and it was beautiful, a little Tuscan cottage all of your own on the outskirts of town, far from the danger of the Volturi’s castle and away from prying eyes where you could raise your daughter in peace. He had spared no expense at all, letting you decorate to your hearts content in an effort to move on with your life, away from the grief and the pain the world had tried to beat you down with before he lifted you above it. Now…now you were feeling that familiar, frazzled feeling. You had gone to Florence for the day, leaving Demetri alone for a full day with lyra for the first time since…ever. It was as much a test for him as it was for you. You found yourself missing Lyra not ten minutes into the drive towards the city, having spent most of your time with her for the past 11 months since she’d been born.

What had followed had been one stressful problem after the next as you tried to complete your Christmas shopping for your found family. You had been forced to visit the castle once or twice to declare yourself to the Masters’ as Demetri’s mate, but a few of his friends had also come to visit you. Felix was a family favourite, though his size unnerved your daughter when Lyra first met him, and the twins had been curious about the baby Demetri had been telling them about. In your mind, they were still children and very much deserving of Christmas presents. The twins didn’t give much away, so you’d guessed at a lot of the things they might like but were fairly happy with you haul. Felix had been the only one that was easy to buy for to but Demetri…what did you get for the man that had everything and wanted nothing? He had given you the world and a pair of socks didn’t seem to be the best kind of repayment.

You had agonised for hours, walking around in a bustling shopping mall where the fluorescent lights made your eyes hurt and the constant chatter in rapid Italian made your head spin. Demetri had been teaching you but you were by no means fluent, and the people in the city spoke much faster than the local market stall owners you had gotten to know – you were starting to suspect they slowed down for you on purpose. Your day had been long and your stress levels high. You just wanted to settle down with your mate and your daughter, cosy up for the night perhaps, but you still had gifts to wrap. Maybe it could wait. Christmas day was still a few weeks away yet, you hadn’t even put up a tree to put your presents under.

Eyes trailing to the bags in the back of your car, you bit your lip softly and felt your heart skitter in your chest. You hoped they would like their presents but you weren’t holding out much hope of a thank you, especially not from the twins. Demetri had heard of the Christmas holidays but the traditions surrounding it were new news to him, and it had taken a lot of explaining before he finally seemed to understand how important this was for you to celebrate.

Lyra’s first Christmas.

When she had been born and you’d started thinking of these things you would never in your wildest dreams have imagined she would be spending it in her new home in Italy, nowhere near her biological father and without her doting grandparents, yet here you were. With a quiet sigh, you steeled yourself to put on a happy face and gathered your things to enter your home. Immediately, you were hit by the smell of spring flowers, a sure sign Demetri had been cleaning today. How he had found time to do that while caring for Lyra you didn’t know but you put it down to his vampirism. If it wasn’t so important for Lyra to grow up with you around in her formative years you might have considered turning sooner purely for the perks of moving fast and not needing sleep anymore, though she was starting to sleep better now and was on her way to her first full night of rest.  

Upon opening your door your world became bright and colourful, not the neutral tones of your hallway you were used to. Bright red tinsel was wrapped around your stair railing, twisting upward to the second floor of the cottage, and it framed the photographs adoring the walls in a dazzling array of red, green and blue. A few snowflakes had been tied to the poles of the stair railing by some white ribbon. Slowly, you placed your bags by the door and closed it behind you, locking it for added safety before venturing carefully into your home. You hadn’t remembered asking Demetri to put up any decorations, hell you didn’t even think you owned any, so where had all this come from? The glass in the door leading from the hallway to the living room was frosted, but you were able to see a dark shape moving back and forth, the vague outline of a Christmas tree.

Your kitchen had a tiny tree on the breakfast bar, a Christmas themed tablecloth lying over your dining room table and, much to your amusement, little festive gel stickers on the window looking out over the garden. The legs of Lyra’s high-chair was also wrapped in tinsel. You couldn’t help but smile as you turned towards the living room, listening to the conversation inside.

“Not here either? You are fussy today your highness.” Demetri’s voice was light, teasing, completely at ease. Lyra had grown to be quite the babbler and he was more than happy to engage in conversation with the eleven-month-old girl, even if she couldn’t form proper words just yet. More garbled noises escaped your daughter and when you peeped around the doorframe, your heart melted. Demetri’s Christmas tree had been trimmed to be a little lopsided, not quite to your tastes, but he had tried. Lyra was on her blanket, surrounded by her toys, but none of them seemed to be taking her interest as she sat and watched Demetri put the last few ornaments on a frankly overcrowded tree. There were glistening lights and tinsel and beads and tinsel and baubles and…and…

“Is that…Demetri is that my parents?” you asked, having to swallow around the lump that had formed in your throat. He turned to look at you, still holding the last bauble of a big box of them in his hands. For a moment he said nothing, simply watched you take in all the lights and ornaments he’d put up about the place, the stockings by the fireplace personalised for you and Lyra. How much had he spent? How hard had he worked?

“Yes. I understood Christmas celebrations as something you did with family from how you explained them to me, so I thought they should be here in some way,” He said softly. Tears welled in your eyes and he frowned, “Is it not what you wanted? I can always redecorate?” he looked a little lost as you wiped your eyes and hurried into the room to scoop up Lyra, smiling through your tears as your overwhelmed heart skittered in your chest. This man was just too much for you. Bouncing her on your hip you pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Have you seen this? Look what Da – Demetri’s done for us!” you quickly caught yourself, your voice shaking with the intensity of your emotion. It was too much but in all the best ways. Lyra was absorbed immediately by the twinkling lights on the tree as you brought her closer, showing her the glass bauble with your parents photograph in. She looked back at you, head turning so fast it almost fell off her little shoulders.

“Ah!” she exclaimed, looking back between you and the bauble. Head nodding you tenderly brushed your hand over her hair. It had started to grow a bit more recently and you were able now to twist small pieces at the front around your fingertip. Demetri kissed your temple, winding an arm around your waist.

“Welcome home.” He murmured, lips trailing along your shoulder, up your throat. Your head tilted automatically and you could feel him smiling at your obvious submission.

“This is perfect.” You whispered. He chuckled.

“I tried my best.” He assured you.

“Our house is clean.” You noted.

“Hmmm, hardly any evidence of disaster.” He agreed with a cheeky grin as you turned to face him. Lyra wriggled, wanting to be put down. She had started crawling just last week and after a bit of rocking, managed to haphazardly crawl back towards her toys. You watched her go with adoring eyes.

“She seems happy.” You said. Demetri chuckled, cupping your cheek tenderly.

“I told you I could do it,” He turned you to face him, embracing you properly this time. You melted into his arms, kissing him sweetly before resting your head against his shoulder. “You seem very tense.” He murmured, fingertips skating up and down your spine. Your nose scrunched.

“Christmas shopping is a tense activity.” You retorted wryly.

“Ah, I have yet to experience the joys. Is there anything you want?” he wondered. You smiled, curling closer to him.

“I have everything I need right here.” You sighed contentedly, basking in the warm glow of fairy lights. Demetri didn’t reply, simply held you close and kissed your forehead. You were rather excited the next day, to wrap and put his presents under your newly decorated tree. Lyra took to helping you with the bows and after a constant battle of wrestling the one she chose from her tiny hands you had some fully wrapped presents…which you then had to keep your child away from. What you didn’t understand was how the present pile just kept growing…and growing…and growing…

Finally, four days before Christmas Day, you caught Demetri in the act. With a cough and some raised eyebrows, you had the suave tracker smiling sheepishly.

“Yes, my love?” he asked, feigning innocence terribly.

“Just how many presents have you brought Demetri? You do know Lyra is only turning one in January, right? She won’t remember half of these things. Christmas is what you do, not what you buy.” You reminded him. His sheepish smile turned cheeky as he moved at lightning speed to place the last of the presents in his bag around the tree, since there hadn’t been room under it for weeks now, and raced over to pull you against him. He stole your breath and anymore scolding words you’d prepared with a single, heated kiss. If he was trying to distract you, it worked wonders.

“Not all are for my princess,” he assured you, his hand slipping to your rear end to pull your hips flush against his, “Some are for my queen.” Cheeks heating in a blush, you swatted his chest and turned your face back to the ginormous pile of presents in the corner of your living room. There were quite a few big boxes and something that reminded you suspiciously of a rocking horse.

“Demetri. You know we don’t need all of this right?” you turned back to look at him, hands sliding up his chest to his neck. His hair was always so soft and you loved nothing more than to play with it on the evenings. He purred softly, leaning into your touch with a hum of approval.

“Is it so bad I wish to spoil you both?” he murmured, eyes closed as you twisted the hair at the nape of his neck around your fingers. Leaning up on your tiptoes, you pressed your mouth to the corner of his in a teasing kiss. Demetri immediately turned, trying to seek more from you, but you pushed him back with a soft sigh.

“You’re too much you know that? If you really want to spoil me, a nice cup of tea for when I come down to snuggle with you will be enough.” You smiled. Demetri’s eyes rolled but he nodded.

“Of course. This is the first of many Christmases like this you know, I have every intention of spoiling you both for the rest of eternity…that and, well…nothing I bought seemed good enough.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. You tilted your head.

“Demetri you know us better than anyone, I’m sure whatever you’ve bought is going to be perfect.” You promised, taking one last look at the giant present pile with a fond shake of your head before going in hunt of your cosy pyjamas. You really regretted saying that to him come Christmas day however, when you had wrapping paper littering your floor and a pile of presents you had no clue how to find homes for. The best perfumes and the clothing brands’ you would never have asked for all needed a place in your walk-in wardrobe for example, but he had already filled it with brand new designer tags when you first moved in. Lyra was surrounded by toys, looking mildly overwhelmed by the choice but utterly thrilled with all the bright colours and sounds coming from them, though her favourite so far seemed to be the simple teddy bear, one she hadn’t let go of since she had unwrapped it. Demetri was currently sat with her on the floor, Lyra resting between his legs as he helped her unwrap a present from Felix.

“Can you guess what it might be?” he asked her. Lyra was frowning, the deep concentration it took to tear at the paper with her fists evident on her face. Demetri stepped in to unstick a bit of sellotape that was making it tricky for her, his free hand gently smoothing over her hair as they worked on the present together. It was a heart-warming sight, one that only made you more confident in your gift to him.

“Dabaga.” She sounded so cross with the resistant bit of paper you both laughed, unable to help yourselves.

“I know princess, how mean of Uncle Felix to wrap it so tightly. Shall I help you do the rest?” he questioned. Lyra made another angry, garbled noise, smacking her fists on the paper in frustration. Demetri chuckled. “Alright alright, here.” He soothed, deftly unwrapping the bright pink paper from around the box Felix had put his present in. Lyra was able to lift the lid herself, looking pleased with her small victory before she tipped the box onto its side, its contents spilling into her lap. Her head snapped up to Demetri, eyes wide as she pointed at it.

“Gar!”

His face feigned shock as he nodded along, watching her pick up and inspect the small toy. There were no tags of any description or branding on the side, and you had a feeling that the pull along ducks had been made by the giant man by hand.

“They are ducks, princess,” Demetri pointed them out one by one, “A little family just like ours, a Mommy duck and a baby duck.” You noticed he pointedly left out a label for the larger duck and decided that was the perfect moment to interrupt the dynamic duo. You searched through the torn-up paper to find the small bag you had prepped for Demetri, crawling over to hand it to him as you welcomed Lyra into your lap when she crawled for you. She held her teddy bear up to you and you subconsciously leaned down to kiss it, holding her close. Demetri read the tag, glancing up at you both with a smile.

“Merry Christmas.” You said softly. His eyebrows rose slightly, the trepidation on your face confusing him almost and making him slightly more wary to open the bag you had taped shut. You stopped Lyra wriggling, hushing her slightly as you watched him. It was impossible to deny you felt nervous, unsure how he would react to the presents inside, cheap and corny but…heart-felt. Stomach churning, you were hyper-focused on his face as he opened up the bag. Nothing inside it was wrapped but there was a layer of tissue paper to move aside. Demetri paused, carefully setting the gold, shimmering paper to his left as he examined the contents of the bag. For a moment, he looked up at you in bewilderment, as if to see if you really meant it, then his breath-hitched and he reached in to reverently take out the things inside. His socks, mug and t-shirt were all inscribed with a simple but meaningful slogan, one you hoped he would understand.

“Do you mean it my love? Truly?” he asked, voice wavering. His eyes appeared to glisten, like he wanted to cry even though he wasn’t capable of it. You on the other hand could, and a single tear slipped down your cheek.

“Yes. Please? Be our Daddy duck?” your heart clenched and you almost stopped breathing as you watched his composure completely break. Demetri huffed a laugh you were sure was supposed to really be a sob, but he carefully placed his presents down into his bag and crawled across the paper to hold you both. He bent at the waist to press a kiss to Lyra’s cheek first, then shifted upward to give you a kiss that was far hungrier, far more passionate. He captured your lips over and over until you were breathless, dizzy with desire. Pressing his forehead to yours, he squeezed your hip lightly.

“Always. I will be yours as long as you will have you me. I never thought I could have a family, that things could be like this, but this is…this is perfect.” He whispered. Through your watery eyes you could still the socks peeking over the edge of his bag, World’s Best Dad emblazoned on the sides. Lyra seemed to sense this was an emotional moment to, putting her toys down in favour of taking Demetri’s large hand and tugging for his attention. He pulled back with a slow exhale, smiling down at her.

“What is it princess? You want to open more presents?” he asked. Lyra tugged at his hand again, trying to pull it past her little body it seemed. Demetri looked confused a little bit, neither of you really understanding what you wanted till he pulled her into his lap to see. She settled into his abdomen, leaning back against him quite happily. Lyra’s eyes met your own and you could have sworn if a baby could look smug, that was how you would best describe her expression.

“Are you jealous of Daddy giving Mommy kisses? Is that it? Huh?” you asked her. Demetri grinned, red eyes sparkling. They matched the Christmas lights perfectly. He easily lifted her up in the air, nuzzling her tummy with his nose before peppering soft kisses all over her cheeks to make her giggle. You began to collect the paper up as they played together.

“I can get that done in half the time, let me.” Demetri offered. You shook your head.

“It’s alright, I don’t want to interrupt Daddy-Daughter time.” You teased. Demetri just grinned brightly, looking happier than he had been since you met him. He was watching you like you had given him the world and more, and maybe you had in some respects, since Lyra was the world to you. His new title far outweighed any ranking he had gotten in the Guard and somehow, you had managed to ensure Lyra spent her first Christmas with her Daddy after all. He settled back against the edge of the sofa, Lyra straddling his lap as they both explored her teddy bear once more, her babbling filling your ears as she showed him all the buttons and patches on it that made for interesting new textures for her to feel. Demetri nodded along, the perfect little play partner for her on the most wonderful Christmas day.

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 8 - Parisian Nightmares

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Summary: With Neil MIA you have some time to think about everything that happened. But you are not allowed peace at all..

Warnings: Swearing.

Author’s Notes: The longest chapter yet, so sorry for that. It’s a little bit of a filler slower one so hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think!

Supposedly the idea of having lunch with TP would have scared you more if it was not for the way he guided you through the experience. He ordered food from the dining hall and made sure you had your coffee before starting any serious topics. Your tired and confused self really appreciated the efforts.

“So what do you want to talk about?” you asked after finally feeling more like a functioning human being.

“I thought we could discuss the things to come…” he briefly searched for the right words “Parts of it is what Neil already knows, but some details are not meant for him” he looked at you with a serious gaze “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course” you nodded, feeling both intrigued and nervous.

Ever since the topic of The Algorithm has been first breached, you hoped to learn more. Probably Neil’s presence would have helped at the moment, but if that was not possible then you just had to face the truth calmly. If not now, then when?

“Can I ask something first?”

“Go ahead”

“My recruitment… it wasn’t just because I was recommended by my professor, was it?” you felt like you already knew the answer but had to ask anyway.

“No” TP smiled “I knew from a good source that we had to recruit you”

You stared at him, desperately trying to comprehend what he meant. Suddenly you understood Neil and his despise of half-truths.

“Can I ask who’s that source?”

TP just smiled apologetically, and you groaned.

“Right. Did Neil know?”

“No, I only told him that you have to be enlisted” at your questioning stare, he added “It’s safer that way” he shrugged as though it explained everything.

It did not, but you began to understand that it was not meant to make sense. A sentence said during one of your early lectures rung out in your head: Don’t try to understand it. Feel it. Maybe that was the whole point.

“So that’s how you know that I’ll be needed during the plan? From the source?”

“Kind of” he grinned again “It’s a very reliable source, I must add” he looked at you pointedly and laughed at your confused face “I swear this will get clearer with time”

The reassuring smile made you feel somewhat better. Taking a sip of the coffee, you considered what was being said.

“When does it all begin?”

“With action in Kiev Opera in a month, more or less. But in reality, it already began years ago”

You frowned, feeling your head go blank. TP was smiling, clearly enjoying your utter confusion.

“It’s okay, you’ll catch up eventually”

“Thanks, that’s encouraging” you lightly smacked him in the shoulder.

“I’ll give you more information leading up to Kiev and then after” he explained after a short silence “But you can’t know the whole progression of events. I’m the only one who is cursed with that”

The sudden change in the tone made you stare at him curiously. But his face was like a mask.

“For now though, you don’t need to worry about it” he smiled again “I’m sending you out on a quiet mission to Paris with one of our agents”

That was surprising. But you could do with a distraction.

“Okay… what’s the deal?” you leaned onto the table and flashed him a brilliant smile.

“You have to research one shady guy in Paris. It’s just observation so no need for engagement. The only trick is that you have to pose as a newlywed couple” he looked at you expectantly.

Oh…

“How long will this take?” you tried to focus on the details, not to think too much about the implications of the cover.

“Three weeks” he smiled at your glare “What? It’s gonna be nice! Three weeks in Paris and all you have to do is observe our target, Pierre or whatshisname, and cosy up with Jasper” the overly enthusiastic tone made you laugh.

“You made it sound almost fun” you admitted after calming down a little.

“Well, it’s always a break from spending time with Neil” TP looked at you with an amused expression “I’m sure you could use some of that” he winked.

You shot daggers in his direction, all the while feeling your face grow warm. Admittingly, time without Neil could be useful. You just were not sure it would do much at this point. You were beyond saving.

“When do I begin?”

“You’ll have a mission briefing tomorrow, and that’s also when you’ll meet Jasper” you nodded “And now I think you should rest a little” he eyed you carefully.

“You’re probably right” you both got up “Thanks for the lunch and the chat… It helped” you smiled lightly.

“My pleasure” he ignored your outstretched hand and gave you a quick hug.

After a small hesitation, you returned the gesture. It felt familiar, and you had no clue why. 

“If you ever need anything, you know where to find me” TP smiled at you warmly.

“I’ll remember that” you grinned back and moved to open the door.

“Oh and don’t worry about Neil” you stopped in your tracks and turned to stare at him “I know that he can be extremely annoying, but he really cares about you”

You were speechless and could only nod in response. The Protagonist laughed at your expression before shooing you out of the room with a gesture. You gladly did just that.

*** One thing was for certain, life without Neil could be boring. You found out that much from the moment you came back to your room. After making sure the main casualty of the mission – your dress – was in the washing, you spent most of that afternoon staring at the ceiling. You were mostly thinking about how much your life has changed in the last weeks. And trying to avoid thinking about him because that could never end well. But of course, the universe had other plans.

Just as you were dealing with the fact that the dress was utterly ruined, your phone buzzed. It was late, and the number was used solely for personal reasons, so the sound made you frown. You looked at the screen to find a text message from an unknown number:

“How’s the dress?”

There was no signature, but you knew.

“How did you get my number?” you replied and quickly saved his contact details.

It didn’t take him longer than a minute to respond.

“Used the charm you’re so quick to ignore”

Ah, Anna’s help then.

“Why?”

“Couldn’t imagine not bothering you for too long”

You covered your face with your hands for a few seconds before typing back.

“The dress is ruined, so thanks for nothing”

The speed with which he responded took you aback. Surely he’d have better things to do...? It did not seem so.

“It’s hardly my fault, is it? That wasn’t my idea” you could almost imagine the self-satisfied grin.

“Point taken” you hit the sent button and then took a deep breath.

It’s not too early for double texting, is it?

“Where are you?” you typed another message before throwing the phone on the other side of the bed.

When it buzzed again, you regretted the decision. Pretending that you would be able to resist reading the message immediately was pointless. You reached for the phone and read his answer:

“On the way to Boston airport”

Great. At least now you knew that he is not around, and you can have time to think. But with those texts, it might be harder to do. Before you could overthink the response, another one came through.

“Be honest, how bored are you without me?” you wondered how someone could be so annoying via text message.

“I’ve been assigned a little mission in Paris, actually. With Jasper. So not that bored, thank you very much”

This time it took him longer to respond. Approximately 6 minutes. Not that you were counting.

“You’ll be bored soon enough if you’ll be stuck somewhere with Jasper. What’s the cover?”

You did not like the assumption, but who were you to argue.

“Newlyweds enjoying honeymoon” you typed back and closed your eyes.

Somehow his response to that information mattered a lot.

“I guarantee you’ll wish it was me soon enough” Fucking hell.

“That’s a bit narcissistic, don’t you think?”

“Maybe a little. But once you meet him, you’ll know I’m right”

“Well then I won’t hesitate to report back after the meeting” you replied and made sure to prepare yourself for the mission brief.

After you were done with planning the outfit and packing your folder, you glanced at the phone.

“Please do. I need to know what dear Jasper is up to these days”

“If you’re so curious about him, maybe ask Anna for his number ;) Sure she’d never deny you anything”

You weren’t sure where that came from, but sure enough, you were not going to take it back.

“Wow… Is that jealousy I’m sensing?”

“You wish” you glanced at the clock and realised how late it was.

“Goodnight, Neil” you sent him another text and went to the bathroom.

When you were back there was a message waiting for you.

“Sweet dreams, darling”

You groaned. In the end, it seemed like you will not be able to get a break from Neil. What a shame.

*** From the moment you stepped into the conference hall in the morning, you knew that Neil was right. Jasper was not one of the most entertaining people you have ever met. When you were introduced to each other he barely glanced up from the folder to look at you and half-heartedly shook your outstretched hand. You took a long look at him and his short brown hair and hazel eyes. He did look decent, to be fair. But he was not Neil. And you hated that your brain made that comparison straightaway.

“So what’s the task, boss?” the first time you heard his voice was when he addressed the Protagonist.

“You have to observe the target, Pierre Armand, who’s an inverted weapons dealer. You’re supposed to watch his every move and send daily updates but don’t engage. That will be the job for another team” TP looked at you both intently “Your cover is a newlywed couple going by the surname Morgan and who have just moved into their lovely suite next door to Armand” you’d swear he winked at you.

You glared back while your newly assigned partner studied the folder attentively. You wondered if he ever did anything else.

“When do we leave?” you decided to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Your plane is tomorrow afternoon” you nodded “Any other questions?” when neither of you spoke, he added “So I’ll leave you two to get acquittanced”

You stared at TP panicked, but he only flashed you one cheeky smile and left the room. That did explain why he and Neil got along so well. Grudgingly you turned towards Jasper, who was still pre-occupied with the damn folder. You cleared your throat, and he glanced up.

“So… have you been working here for a while?” you were shit at small talk.

“For three years now” he eyed you up sceptically “You’re the new recruit from London, aren’t you?” you could almost hear the condescension.

“Yes” it was not looking promising “Neil recruited me, and we’ve just been on a mission together in New York” you added.

It was a mistake. At the mention of Neil, Jasper’s eyes flared up, and he looked at you sharply.

“I heard that mission was a major fuck up” the vicious smirk took you aback “And poor Neil got shot”

You could only stare in confusion at the man in front of you. Boring and clearly having issues with Neil. Just bloody perfect.

“Anyway, I got to prepare” he got up “But mind you, Paris won’t be at all like an operation with that idiot” he glared at you.

“And what’s an operation with him like?” you were genuinely curious at this point.

“Overly dramatic” he made a grand gesture with his hands before slamming the doors in the wake of his exit.

He did have a point there. You sighed, grabbed your documents, and exited the hall. On the way to your room, you decided to give in to the temptation and typed a message to Neil.

“With grief, I have to admit you were right about Jasper”

You were not expecting a response instantly, so the buzz when you were pouring coffee into the cup made you jump up. Neil could make your life harder, even remotely.

“Told you. How is he doing?” you read the reply and grinned at the casual tone.

“He’s grumpy and hates you for some reason. Can’t wait to be stuck with him for three weeks” you sighed and accepted the grim fate.

“Sounds like him then. You never know, you might bond over your shared hatred for me”

You nearly choked on your coffee then. A fellow agent passing by on the corridor stared at you. This could only get worse.

“Think my hatred towards you has nothing compared to his. Any ideas why he’s like that?”

“Nothing concrete, but I’ve got a few vague theories. I’ll tell you when I’m back”

“Hope so. What time is it there?” closing the door to your room, you could finally behave like an idiot.

“Past 11 pm. Excited for your outing with Jasper?”

Asia then… You tried to think about any possible places he could be but came up with too many options.

“Not at all. Fully expecting my days will be spent wandering around Paris alone or watching French HGTV”

You decided to look through the folder to distract yourself from the increasing stress. This time you were supposed to be Amelia Morgan, wife to Nicholas Morgan. Amelia’s occupation was being an accountant, which sounded extremely boring, but at least you would get to experience the city. Your study was then interrupted by another text.

“You can always message me if you’re bored”

Tempting.

“Careful because I might”

“You better” To that, you did not know what to say,. so you just got lost in the preparations for the mission. This one was not looking good but there was no other choice. So you just focused on learning about your target. At least this time, there was no one to distract you.

Until another text came, a solid hour later.

“One clue about Jasper: Anna”

Oh not her again.

“Don’t tell me he’s hopelessly in love with her”

“Perhaps… And well, she has eyes for someone else so” and then “Not to be smug naturally”

You grinned at the screen.

“You do sound smug”

You had to admit that if Neil’s theory was true, it was rather heart-breaking for both Anna and Jasper. Not that you felt sorry for either of them.

“He might decide to take revenge upon me by breaking your heart”

You stared at the text and the many implications he could have meant it by it. And it was too much to figure out right now. Instead, you just typed back:

“Good luck to him” and then, with heart thumping wildly “Would you care if he did?”

You tried to ignore the phone when the answer came. But after an agonising minute spent reading the same two words over and over, you gave in.

“Maybe” 

Right… You just had to add that question to the long list for when he’s back. You closed the folder with a flourish. All mental coherence was gone.

*** It turned out that Neil was not right about everything. If Jasper ever intended to claim and then break your heart, he was utterly shit at it. Since the day you moved into your cosy Parisian flat, he barely spoke a word to you. Most of the time, he was buried nose deep in the mission briefs or books related to strategies and secrets of arms dealing. If you had tasks to complete, he would often sideline you before doing the job himself while ignoring any help you offered. To put it straightforwardly, he pissed you off.

And yet, his eagerness to be entirely self-dependent meant that you had time to discover Paris and relax while still completing the mission in any way you could. You also had more than enough time to text Neil, who always responded to your messages promptly. You sometimes wondered if he ever slept or did anything but talk to you. Not that you did mind, of course.

Your patience towards Jasper, his silence and superiority complex snapped for the first time after a week and a half. You have both been sitting in the living room of your condo, just after finishing quiet dinner. You were bored, extremely so. You have reached for the television remote with the intent to put on some background noise to ease the tension. But the moment you have switched the tv on, Jasper spoke:

“Don’t turn this shit on, it’s distracting” he has not even lifted his head from the folder he was studying.

You glared at him sharply and decided that you have had enough.

“Distracting from what? It’s not like you’ve not read this at least five times today already”

That made him look up. And he was not happy.

“I’m working. You should try that sometimes” he eyed you pointedly.

“I would if you ever gave me a chance to do anything” you shrugged, already not liking the conversation.

“I gave you a few opportunities, but you were just lazy” he placed his documents aside and went back to glaring at you “All you do is knock around Paris and stay on your phone for hours” a vicious smile appeared on his face “You’re texting Neil, aren’t you?”

You were taken aback by the whole situation and unable to deny the truth. “Even if I am, that’s none of your business” you were desperately hoping he would shut up.

But it was too late, and Jasper has clearly been triggered.

“That’s quite pathetic. You should know he never actually cares about all those girls he flirts with” he seemed to judge you “And I don’t see why you could be different” the smug smile was cruel.

Now you knew why it was better when he stayed quiet. You scrambled for any words of defence, but he managed to hit the mark. Swallowing hard, you schooled your face and replied in the most neutral tone you could muster at the moment.

“I think you’re just pissed Anna prefers Neil over you”

That worked. You watched with satisfaction as his eyes widened, and you silently thanked Neil for the information.

“Anna has nothing to do with this” it was his turn to stumble over the words “You’re just unwilling to face the truth” this time his harsh words lacked the sureness.

You were winning.

“So are you” you shrugged “I’ve had enough of this. You can go back to your precious mission briefs” you got up and left the room without a further glance.

You had to admit that his words did upset you. Even when you almost certainly knew he was wrong your brain had its own doubts. Because what if he was right? That would hurt, more than you could acknowledge.

But before you could begin the overthinking, the phone you threw onto the bed buzzed. He always knew when to message.

“How’s married life with Jasper going?”

And naturally, he always asked the right questions too. You did hate him for that.

“Now I know why it’s better he reads his documents instead of talking” you replied and debated what to do next.

“What did he do?” Neil quickly texted back even though you were pretty sure it was early morning hours for him.

You did not want to get into a serious conversation over the texts.

“He got a bit riled up and said some bullshit that wasn’t fun to listen to” that seemed like an easy way out for now.

“Do you want me to send a team to eliminate him? It would look like an accident”

You laughed at the tempting proposition.

“I’ll think about it”

“Are you alright?” you stared at the new message.

You were not exactly alright.

“I will be”

Why did lying feel so bad?

You switched off the lights in the room and lied on the bed. Just a week and a half to go. You’ve got this… right?

*** The last week in Paris passed in relative peace. Mostly because you and Jasper stopped speaking to each other entirely. Occasionally you would notice his cruel smirk appear when he caught you texting, and you did your best to ignore it. However, it did hurt, and you had to admit that one argument has managed to uproot all the confidence you have had.

Peace ended abruptly on the penultimate day when it became clear that you were being followed. Jasper caught on to the fact after he noticed someone shadow you on your walk through the city. You hid in one of the cafes as soon as he has signalled the fact to you. You knew he was right the moment a random man peered into the darkened premises and then went on to loiter nearby.

“Right, what do we do?” you looked around, trying to stay calm.

It seemed like no one else was onto you. Jasper already looked pissed off, and you wondered if it meant that more pleasant things would be said.

“I suspect they’ve got doubts about the authenticity of our story” he was intensely scanning the horizon, looking for any threats “He’s still there, waiting for us to blow the cover or prove him wrong” he turned to you with the most unhappy face you have ever seen.

“What is it?”

You were not sure you wanted to know the answer.

“We made it this far. I’m not letting them fuck it up” he leaned towards you and closed the gap.

You were frozen in horror before your brain caught up with the fact that Jasper was kissing you. Then you closed your eyes and tried to reciprocate with the minimum effort needed for it to look believable. It was pretty horrible, to put it simply. He was kissing you sloppily with a tempo that you could not match. You felt his hand clumsily entangle in your hair only to make you flinch when he ripped out a few hairs. After a solid 30 seconds long snog, you decided that had enough. You leaned back, ignoring the overwhelming urge to wipe your lips with the napkin. He stared at you briefly with that same disgusted face before discretely looking for your trail. The man was gone. You could only hope it worked as you exited the café, holding hands.

On the way back to the apartment, you refused to look at him, somehow hoping that would get rid of the awful way you felt. Naturally, being a spy did involve doing things like that but for some reason, it was not easy. You hated the fact that your brain kept on rewinding memories from New York and, in the process, making you feel worse. Once you made it back, you locked yourself in the room, leaving Jasper to fill in the report. You were tempted to message Neil just for the sake of knowing his thoughts on what happened.

“Today was my lucky day, and I got to experience PDA with Jasper. Send help”

That would do nicely, right?

“Must say I didn’t expect that”

As you were desperately looking for something to text back, your phone did something you did not expect it to do. It rang. You stared in shock as Neil’s number flashed as the caller ID. With a shaking hand, you picked up the phone and pressed the green button.

“Neil?” your voice sounded incredibly awkward.

Great start.

“What happened?” hearing his voice after those three weeks felt surreal.

Was it your imagination, or did he sound slightly tense?

“Um… we were being followed outside, so we entered a café. The tail was observing us and…” you took a deep breath, suddenly extremely nervous “And Jasper decided to kiss me to authenticate the cover”

Neil was silent, and that did not help with the irrational anxiety, so you rambled on, losing control of what you were saying.

“Well, it was more of a snog judging by how it lasted for thirty seconds, but I think they bought…”

“Okay, stop” he interrupted you abruptly “I’m not sure I want to know the details”

“Why not?” somehow out of the mixture of anxiety and insecurity, annoyance emerged “Are you jealous?”

You regretted the question as soon as it left your mouth. And did not want to know the answer. Luckily he did not respond. Instead, he did what Neil does best:

“Who’s a better kisser?”

You could not believe the nerve of this man.

“You can’t be for real” you muttered and heard him chuckle on the other side.

“It’s a legitimate question” you could picture the shrug and a cheeky smile.

It seemed like the initial awkwardness was gone. At least for him.

“I…” you huffed, unable to express the mess of emotions you felt.

“Oh, I know it’s you, but I’m asking about me and dear Jasper”

If he were in front of you, you would have punched him. But instead could only let out a frustrated groan and attempt to answer the question. There was only one way to do it.

“You” you mumbled, making sure your voice was barely coherent.

But of course, he heard you.

“I’m flattered” he had the smug tone nailed to the t.

“Fantastic” you sighed “Why did you call me?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice”

“Right”

“And to get you to answer the question”

“Of course” you sighed again “Now I should finish before Jasper barges in” That was partially an excuse, partially a real concern as you glanced nervously at the thin doors separating the rooms.

“Sure, don’t want you upsetting your husband. However, I’d love to see his face when he hears that I kiss better than him” Neil mused, and you gave yourself the liberty to just listen to his voice.

“Well, I’m not telling him that so feel free to do so when you meet up”

Your ears perked up at the sound of footsteps in the hall. Surely Jasper would not eavesdrop on you…?

“I’ve got to go, bye Neil” you hoped your tone sounded at least half as urgent as you felt.

“Goodbye, love. Don’t let that idiot get to you”

“I’ll try”

You hung up just as the doors to the bedroom opened. Sure enough, Jasper was stood there, with a scowl on his face.

“What were you doing?”

“Just being pathetic, I guess” you shrugged and walked past him without a glance.

[minaslittleone]

Fission & Fusion (Part 4)

Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 5

Summary: How did the refined and proper Wilhemina Venable end up working for two coked-up tech bros out of the back of a van?

An origin story of sorts, dedicated to the amazing @lucyintheskywithxanax  who has developed such a beautiful and nuanced depiction of Mina. This was inspired by her incredible story “And I failed to climb the mountain”.

Word count: ~3300

Wilhemina woke lazily the following morning to the warmth of sunlight on her face as it peaked through delicate lace curtains. It took her a few moments to remember where she was and to identify the source of the insistent scratching which had roused her. As she rolled onto her right side towards the bedroom door she caught sight of Miko's white dipped paw batting beneath it, scrabbling and scratching at the obstacle that dared to impede his free reign. An affectionate smile pulled at her lips as she watched his antics as she sleepily scrubbed at her eyes. His scratching stilled as she let out surprised gasp as her knuckles made contact with her bruised cheekbone, which was now undoubtedly swollen and probably a fetching mottle of red and purple. Now aware that she was awake, Miko's insistent scratching was replaced by a disgruntled meow. Wilhemina tried to ignore him, not really sure if he was allowed in the bedroom to begin with, but she was powerless to resist him once his meows were replaced by what could only be described as plaintiff cries. Who could resist that?

As she eased herself to her feet the full effects of the previous two days began to make themselves known. Her back was undoubtedly stiffer than usual but whether that was the result of two nights in unfamiliar beds or from crashing face first into concrete she couldn't be sure. Likely a combination of the two. The throbbing ache in her right wrist and hand as she supported herself on her cane was definitely a result of the concrete she rued, as she transferred the loathesome object to her uninjured left hand, her back complaining instantly. Today was looking like such a promising day.

Miko continued to make his displeasure known as she slowly made her way towards the door, his cries becoming increasingly insistent now that he could hear her moving. The moment she cracked the door the slightest distance ajar a flash of grey fur shot past her, heading directly for the patch of sunlit warmth at the centre of her recently vacated bed.

She tried valiantly to keep her features schooled as she scolded the cheeky feline who was currently in the process of kneading the covers into an acceptable state of comfort.

"Are you really meant to be up there, Miko?" The grey tabby cat shot her a questioning look as if to say "really human? You're the guest in my house and you're going to question if I'm allowed on the bed" before promptly turning his back on her and curling into a ball on his appropriately fluffed portion of the quilt.

She shook her head fondly, slowly making her way back towards the now occupied bed. Miko raised his head to study her as she gingerly lowered herself back onto the mattress, easing herself forwards to retrieve her book bag from beneath the bedside table. With practiced ease she flipped the lid on the amber pill bottle, dispensed two pills and threw them back dry. Normally she would muscle through the discomfort while the pills took effect but today, she reasoned, she had nothing to do and nowhere to be so for once she could actually listen to the pleading ache in her bones. It also helped that there was no one to witness her indulgence, other than Miko who had made his way across the bed to her and was currently standing about a foot away from her with his head cocked to the side, still not entirely sure what to make of her.

As she returned the pill bottle to her book bag she noticed the glass of water, which had evidently been left for her earlier that morning, and the handwritten note peaking from beneath the coaster on which it sat. She relished the way the cold glass dulled the ache in her hand as she raised it to her lips, pointedly ignoring the way her stomach churned at the tenderness behind it. Miko seemingly sensed her unease, trotting over to her and curling into a cosy ball against the side of her thigh. Her left hand rested against his tiny head, thumb stroking absentmindedly against the side of his chin, while her right hand returned the glass to the bedside table and retrieved the hand written note. She still could not place the feeling of unease it produced in her but she was emboldened to push past it by the comforting warmth of Miko pressed against her thigh, his rhythmic purring easing her nerves.

Good morning dear, I wanted to let you know I was leaving but I didn't have the heart to wake you, you looked so peaceful. I hope you slept well, I'm sure you needed it. I should be back around 6 baring any disasters but help yourself to anything in the meantime. And don't worry about Miko, he has been fed though I'm sure he will try to convince you otherwise. My office number is by the phone if you need anything. Try to take things easy today and be kind to yourself my dear. - Elizabeth

Wilhemina silently tested the shape of her adviser's given name, lips tentatively forming around the sounds. Of course she had seen the name Professor Elizabeth Thompson written for years but the explicit use of her christian name felt scandalously personal. A voice in the back of her head chided that thought - you spent last night in her guest bedroom and you're worried about using her given name? Ridiculous. Evidently in her preoccupation her left hand had stilled for Miko let out a sleepy chirup of annoyance, drawing her attention away from the complexity of her current relationship with her Professor. Elizabeth she reminded herself.

Having already disturbed Miko she took the opportunity to reposition herself to lay back down. The grey tabby was initially unimpressed to have his pillow so rudely removed but forgave her in short order, gently clambering up onto her chest as soon as she was laid flat. Miko stretched himself languidly, face contorting in a gigantic yawn that Wilhemina couldn't help but chuckle at. His little face came to rest upon her sternum, head cocked to the side, eyes watching her intently. Gently he lifted one paw, tiny pink toes pads coming to rest against Wilhemina's unmarred cheek, tenderly inquiring "more scritches, please." She happily complied, arm draping loosely across the little ball of fur who had wormed his way into her heart and her bed. As she began to scratch affectionately under his chin Miko craned his necked back in contentment and began purring again in earnest. Wilhemina smiled to herself as she allowed her eyes to close, the warm weight of the purring feline ensconced upon her chest lulling her to sleep. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to rest, just for a little while. Besides it would be cruel to disturb Miko when he looked so comfortable.

It was several hours later when she awoke again, judging by the way the sun no longer shone directly through the bedroom but instead created a bright indirect glow from further overhead. Wilhemina's stomach let out an indignant growl at the late hour, rousing Miko in the process who glared at her from beneath half lidded eyes. She scratched behind his ears in an apology which was evidently accepted as Miko began to nuzzle into her hand in response.

As she tentatively began to lever herself from the mattress Miko jumped down onto the bed and began to stretch out the kinks from his nap. Wilhemina looked on jealously as his spine extended as she slowly convinced her own vertebrae to support her weight. As she brought herself upright for the second time that day she noted gratefully that the painkillers seemed to have worked their magic, leaving her only slight tender even after the events of the past few days.

Navigating her way down the stairs proved to be somewhat challenging not merely from coordinating her balance with her cane in her left hand but also because Miko refused to leave her side, wending his way between her legs as she focussed intently on not breaking her neck. Having successfully reached the landing she made her way into the kitchen in search of breakfast, or whatever meal this now constituted. She noted gratefully that an assortment of cereals had been left on the kitchen counter, alongside a bowl and the necessities for tea and coffee, saving her from rooting through her professor's cupboards. She set the kettle to boil before preparing herself a bowl of muesli. As she set her tea to steep she couldn't help but roll her eyes at the mug Elizabeth had selected for her which proudly displayed the figure of Little Miss Stubborn, she couldn't really argue with the assessment but for once felt like such a gesture was meant as an affectionate jibe rather than an outright condemnation.

Miko stayed pressed against her ankles throughout the entirety of breakfast and whilst she cleared her dishes afterwards. He trailed behind her as she made her way back up the stairs, intending on changing out of her loungewear and into some proper attire. And he stopped beside her as she caught sight of contents of the room beside hers peaking through the door which had been left slightly ajar. The walls were painted with the most tender depictions of rabbits, squirrels, owls and deer, each peaking from amongst a lush forestscape. She found herself magnetically drawn to the scene, fingers ghosting across the hand painted figures on the plaster. Unfazed by her exploration Miko made himself at home on one of the two child-sized beds clothed in crisp white linen. An old oak bookself sat in the far corner of the room, practically bursting. Wilhemina's eyes skipped over many of the brighter, more modern spines, instead drawn to a shelf higher up full of older, more battered volumes whose titles she recognised from her own childhood. Familiar names jumped out to her like old friends - Blyton, Potter, Milne, Dahl. Far too many hours had been spent alone save for their company, whether alone and immobilised in a hospital bed or hidden beneath her bed clothes by torch light trying to block out her parents arguing, these had been her constant companions. She tenderly retrieved Matilda from the shelf, thumbing through the well worn pages, allowing the little girl she kept so securely locked away a moment to breathe, smiling fondly at the words which had given her hope in those moments of darkness.

So Matilda’s strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone.

She remembered vividly the delicious taste of revenge the first time she had partaken in Matilda's retribution against all those adults who had tried to squash the precocious young girl. More than once she had allowed herself to imagine what it would have felt like to exact similar vengeance against her mother. How sweet it would have felt to bleach her perfectly coiffured hair, to place newts in the punch at one of her horrendous soirees or terrorize her parents with ghostly reminders of their failings. How she longed to make her mother feel an ounce of the pain to which she herself had been subjected.

Still clutching the much loved volume she curled up next to Miko and allowed herself to retreat to a world of childhood comfort in which the underdog could triumph, in which I'm big, you're little could be usurped, in which Miss Honey might reach tenderly from the pages and adopt her too.

That was where Professor Thompson found her several hours later, relishing in the climax of the novel as Matilda vanquished Ms Trunchbull. She smiled fondly at the young woman she had always known to be so controlled and regimented curled lazily against the wall on her granddaughter's bed, Miko lounging against her thigh and contented smile playing across her lips behind a curtain of firey red hair. The floorboards creaked beneath the older woman's feet alerting Wilhemina to her presence. Her cheeks flushed furiously as she sheepishly met the older woman's gaze but found only genuine affection in her grey-blue eyes.

"Don't even think about apologising, my dear. I told you to make yourself at home and I meant it."

In spite of Elizabeth's assurances Wilhemina still felt the need to explain herself. "I didn't mean to end up in here" she began, "I saw the paintings and I only meant to look at them but then I saw the books and -"

"Wilhemina," the older woman cut her off kindly, "stop apologising. You've done nothing wrong, you needn't justify your every action. Not to me at least" she added knowingly. "My daughter will be flattered that you liked her paintings, though I really should show you photos of the masterpiece she created in the children's room back east. She works as a children's illustrator, though I think she would much prefer to do larger pieces like these if there was the work in it."

"I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful" Wilhemina whispered reverently. "Their little faces are just so sweet."

"I'll be sure to tell her you think so. Now, I should leave you to finish with Matilda, dinner should take me twenty minutes or so which, knowing the speed you read at, should be ample time."

"Oh no, it's fine" Wilhemina interjected, "I know how it ends, I've lost count of how many times I read it as a child. I should come and help you."

The older woman sighed, of course Matilda would be a favourite of hers. "Nonsense dear, finish your book. I'll call you when it's ready." And with that she was gone.

Wilhemina was indeed finished with the book when the older woman called her for dinner twenty minutes later, her voice floating up the stairs as if Wilhemina's presence at her dinner table was the most natural thing in the world. The simple meal of pasta Alfredo was passed in companionable silence between the two women, with Miko dividing his time equally between them. He remained under their feet as they cleared the dishes, with Wilhemina bracing her weight against the kitchen counter through her left hip to grant herself two free hands with which to dry the clean dishes as the older woman handed them off to her. Elizabeth shook her head fondly at the young woman's stubborness, once she set her mind to something there really was no stopping her.

Wilhemina was drying and putting away the last of the cutlery when the older woman disappeared momentarily, only to return with a manila folder which she placed atop the freshly cleaned kitchen table. Wilhemina eyed it warily. The older woman placed two cups of tea beside it and gestured for Wilhemina to join her. She did so cautiously.

"No need to look so nervous my dear, it's nothing bad. I just brought home the list of available casual positions from the careers centre on campus, I thought you might like to take a look to see if anything interested you."

Wilhemina froze. Of course it was too good to be true. Of course the kind older woman had grown sick of her already. Why wouldn't she, when she was nothing but a useless burden? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How could you think that anyone would actually put up with you?

Professor Thompson caught the way Wilhemina's shoulders stiffened and how her jaw tensed, as if preparing herself for an attack. She reached out and took the younger woman's hand in her own.

"There is no pressure dear. This is not about me getting rid of you. I simply thought you might be interested, I know you must be anxious about what comes next, you've never been one to be without a plan." Wilhemina suddenly felt very small and seen in a way she never had been before. It was simultaneously terrifying and yet so, so safe.

"It can wait as long as you like" the older woman continued, "but I'll leave it here for whenever you're ready."

"No, I mean, I'm ready now" Wilhemina blurted, "I just thought you meant-"

"I know my dear, I know" the older woman cut her off with a firm squeeze of her hand, earning her a shy smile from the younger woman. "Would you like me to stay or -"

"Stay" Wilhemina affirmed, "please?"

"Of course dear, now where do you want start?"

"Well, I suppose law or business makes the most sense" Wilhemina sighed, "at least I have some experience there."

"I didn't ask where you should start dear, I asked where you wanted to start - there's a difference. You said your parents chose law for you, what would you have chosen? If you could start over and choose for yourself what would you do?"

Wilhemina froze at that. She had accepted so long ago that she would simply follow the path her parents had set out for her that she had almost managed to convince herself that she wanted it too. It did no-one any good for her to pine after a future that could never be hers.

"I don't know" she stared at the older woman, eyes wide with the realisation.

"What do you miss from highschool then?" the older woman tried. "Is there a subject you enjoyed that you had to give up?"

She considered that for a moment. "Science, maybe?" she added shyly, "I liked that it was predictable, that I could know what to expect."

"Ok" the older woman prompted, fingers rifling through the folder, "any particular area?"

"Electronics or computers, maybe?" She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, as if waiting to be punished for daring to express her own desires.

"Ok, there are a couple here that could fit." The older woman traced her finger through the list of positions. "This one looks interesting. A couple of graduate students from the engineering faculty are looking for someone to help with data management and organisation for a start-up. They seem to be interested in bionic limb development" she added, sliding the paper towards Wilhemina, finger marking the appropriate notice.

Wilhemina scanned the brief description greedily, trying to temper her expectations. It sounded perfect but she daren't allow herself to even begin to hope that it might be possible.

"I think you would be perfect for it."

Wilhemina scoffed in response, "I don't know the first thing about robotics."

"But they aren't asking for that dear, they're asking for someone to help with organisation. They want someone who is meticulous and logical to help keep track of their data - that is you to a T. You would be brilliant at that. And it would allow you to see if it's an area that you like and maybe later you could transition into a more technical position, or go back and study more about it if you wanted."

"Look" the older woman reached out to tap the paper in front of Wilhemina, "it even says they have patents filed and a company formed. It seems to have all the makings of a long term prospect."

Wilhemina could feel her heart start to flutter at the possibility, that maybe, just maybe it wasn't too late for things to change. She scanned through the notice again, Elizabeth was right, it did sound perfect. And try as she might she couldn't help but look at the company name printed at the end of article with the hope that maybe it also inscribed her future.

Kineros Robotics

A/N: there is one more part to come after this, though I think I will likely dip back into this universe as one-shots from time to time to explore some of the key moments between here and apocalypse. If there are any particular things you would be interested to see feel free to hit me up

[tlou-1]

Joel x Reader (Home) - Chapter 12

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 TBA

Chapter 12 - Big News (You share your news with your family and receive some bigs news of your own + wedding) 

Thankfully it didn’t appear your ankle or foot was severely damaged but the doctor had asked you to avoid putting weight on it and to revisit her in two weeks for a final once over. More importantly your family were elated by your and Joel’s news, Molly couldn’t believe you were actually settling down after all these years, the same for Tommy with Joel. The things about Jackson is, they tried to celebrate things as much as possible. It often gave people something to look forward to and revel in something joyful... in saying that these things could potentially get bigger than needed. 

A couple days later after the proposal, Joel and you are sat opposite each other on the sofa one afternoon, your legs resting a top of his enjoying the peaceful cosy day. You were looking at him for sometime, mulling over how you wanted to marry Joel Miller but in a way that suited you both. “Joel?” You say softly, he looks up from the book he was reading “hmm?” He replies his mind slowly rejoining the real world. 

“What if we were to get married soon?” You ask, pulling his book down further away from his face. 

“How soon?” He asks now looking at you. 

“In a week or two?” You shrug trying to suggest it as casually as possible. You explain your logic, in that the longer you leave it, the more things will get out of hand and people would have time to prepare. Neither of you were the big wedding type and neither wanted a fuss. Something simple in the church with a small group of people was more than enough.

“Damn - why didn’t I think of that?” He chuckles. 

“So you agree? Something simple, in the church just over a week from now? Say next Sunday?” you smile.

“Sounds perfect” he sighs and goes back to reading his book. 

The plan is simple, a small wedding in the church with your family and friends. Joel was to borrow a shirt and tie from Tommy and you planned on wearing the one dress you owned, it was not formal but it was the best you could do. Molly however had another plan for your dress, a few nights before the big day, you, Ellie and Joel had joined Molly and Jesse for dinner. At the end of the meal Molly stood up from the table and announced she had something to show you and Ellie and that the boys would have to keep themselves occupied in the meantime. In her spare room on the bed lay a dress, it was a cream sheath gown very simple and classic. 

“I need you to try it on so I can fit it properly to you” Molly said as she tied up her hair. 

“How did you - did you make this?” You ask overwhelmed. 

“Tried to, I have always been a dab hand with a needle and I had some help from the girls in town. We couldn't find any white material but I think this is pretty close. Even had some lace left over from a curtain to make a veil”. You couldn’t help but pull her into your arms and thank her. You didn’t want anything fancy but you did have to admit the thought of being so underdressed at your own wedding had been daunting.

The day before your wedding, you found Joel in the bathroom with a razor exceedingly close to his jaw. 

“Oh no - is the thought of marrying me really so bad or are you just worried about Tommy’s speech?” You sigh over dramatically, peering your head into the bathroom. Joel has a bit of a chuckle but goes back to focusing on the task at hand. 

“I am actually trying to shave this thing before tomorrow” he says inching closer to the mirror for a better look. He seems defeated when you approach him and slowly take the blade from his hand, “Please don’t” you smile up at him, running your hand along the ruff hair on his jaw.

“Why not? Everyone else is telling me I should. That I should be clean shaved for the day” he gruffs.

“Because, I want my husband to look like Joel Miler” you say giving him a kiss before putting the blade away in a drawer.

“Plus you look sexy with a beard” you joke as he playfully taps your ass as you leave the room.

“Trust it to start snowing on the one day I put on a dress” you joke standing in the hallway of the church. Everyone else except you and Jesse were seated, Maria had decided to set a few round tables out for friends and neighbours to sit, with your and Joel’s family seated together at the front on a long table. 

“You know most people would think that was romantic” Jesse laughed placing your arm in the crook of his. He asked if you were ready, ‘To marry Joel? Of course. To have everyone looking at me? Absolutely not’ you thought but you nodded and made your way into the church hall. The room had been adorned with fairy lights and kept simple like you had asked. 

After the short service you and Joel sat side by side while members of you family celebrated with you. As Tommy got up to give his speech which Joel had insisted he did not have to give, you took Joel’s hand under the table “Just relax, how bad could it be?”. Turns out pretty bad, even cracking jokes about Joel’s first wedding years ago that just didn't quite land but that somehow made it all the more funny. 

Ellie got up from her seat and cleared her throat as though she were about to give a follow up speech but Joel quickly sat her back into her seat “I don’t think I can take another one Kiddo”. Maria announced it was time for your first dance together as Mr and Mrs Miller, “But we didn’t pick a song?” You whispered in Joel’s ear as you make you way to the centre of the room. 

“We didn’t but I thought you wouldn’t mind if I picked for us” he pulled you in as the music started playing. Crazy Love from your Van Morrison record started playing. 

“A very nice choice Mr Miller. If I remember correctly this played the first night we spent together” you smile.

“It was Mrs Miller and we will spending tonight and every other night together from now on. I am going to feel a little bad taking that dress off you later though, you look stunning” he whispers and you can feel his breath on your neck as you both slowly sway to the music.

You settle into married life pretty quickly, not much changes it turns out except Joel occasionally calling you wife and you calling him husband. “You best make a call at Dr.Henry’s this morning” Joel called to you as you began putting your boots on to take Bruce out. You groan “Joel, I am perfectly fine. You know that”. 

“Oh I know that darling but if you could just let Doc know that, maybe she will stop asking me to send my wife across for her final check up” he jokes but you agree to go. 

“How’s the foot feeling?” Dr. Henry asks, she was a kind and warm women not much older than you. 

“It’s honestly much better now, thank you so much for taking a look at it a couple weeks ago” you fake a smile. You felt bad but you hated being examined and wanted to leave the room as soon as possible. 

“That’s good to hear, that’s good” she trails off. 

“Great, do you mind if I get going?” You say quickly pulling your socks and boots back on before she can try and examine anything else like last time. 

“Y/N, your foot isn’t why I asked you to come visit me. The last time I ran a couple different tests just to get a general view of your health” she sits down next to you. 

“Yes I vaguely remember you sticking a needle in my arm and asking me to pee in a cup Doc. Please don’t make me do that again” you whine which makes the doctor laugh.

“No, it’s actually about the results from last time. I had a look at the samples and well - well you are pregnant”. She explains.

You feel what you thought was a knot in your stomach, but in a second you realise that knot was potentially a baby. 

[reiraland]

Eric - Happy (belated) birthday

Finally I finished the fanfic for Eric’s birthday! It took me way more time than I had expected, but better later than never, right? hehe. I planned to write a fic between 500-700 words, but ended up writing 2600+ words. my love for Eric is unquenchable  

I’m thristy for more Eric’s content. I wish Beemoov added him in the future events or release a spinoff.  Beemoov, just take my money 

I would have liked to write also an Eric’s POV, but recently my work schedule is hectic. I might try, but it’ll take a while. 

I apologize in advance for any typo or grammar mistake.

Happy Birthday, Eric! (04.26) Shaken off from my slumber by the emanating vibrations from my smartwatch, I lazily opened my eyes. The world was still dark outside. After turning off the alarm, my heart filled up with joy as soon as I laid my eyes on my beloved. By his rhythmic breath, I could tell Eric was still sound asleep. Reaching out my hand, I caressed his disheveled black hair and gently ran my fingers along his jaw as my heart beat firmly with ecstasy.

“God, he’s so attractive…” I murmured to myself. 

Nothing could bring me more bliss than staying a few more minutes in our heavenly nest, but today I had an important task. For the past two weeks, I had been mulling over the ideal way to celebrate his birthday. Although I wished we could go on a trip together, he was currently busy with a new case, plus my schedule was tight too; having several auctions planned for the next three months consumed most of my time. In the end, I made a reservation at a trendy, popular restaurant, and since neither of us could take the day off from work and I wouldn’t see him until the closing time of the café, for starters, I decided to surprise him with a special breakfast. 

“Come on. No time to waste!” 

After slipping out of the bed stealthily, I hurriedly took a shower and got dressed as quick as a flash. When my phone buzzed twice, I went outside, racing down the stairs all the way out to the street where Hyun was waiting for me with a small box in his hands.  

“Thank you very much for delivering it so early in the morning and especially for putting up with me for the last week! I am aware I have been fussy about the flavour… verging on nitpicking.” I said apologetically. 

“Please, don’t mention it. What are friends for? Also, you’re one of my favourite customers, I can’t let you down,” he responded with a smile, “and don’t concern yourself about the flavour anymore, I’m positive Eric will be delighted. I’ll be looking forward to your feedback.” He added cordially before waving goodbye. 

Back at the apartment, I heard the shower water running, and immediately got anxious. I had less time than originally planned. 

“I hope I can wrap everything up just on time,” I sighed nervously. 

I conscientiously got down to work with the breakfast preparations. While brewing a new type of coffee I had specifically ordered from one of Cosy Bear Café’s suppliers, I set the table and sliced the cake into equal pieces. I clasped both of my hands together happily after getting everything ready. The fragrance of freshly brewed coffee wafting through the air reassured me since it reminded me so much of Eric’s embrace.  

The sound of footsteps brought me back to reality. Eric was leaning against the door frame, gazing groggily at me with his golden eyes. As he covered his mouth with one hand to hide a yawn, he put his wet hair back with the other one. The mere sight of him took my breath away.

“Morning…” His voice was still low and rough.

“Good morning! Just in time! Breakfast is ready! Summoned by the coffee’s scent, right?” I asked jokingly.

Eric’s eyes twinkled with amusement. He walked over to me, leaning down on my face until his lips found mine. A pleasant feeling unfurled in my stomach as I kissed him back with adoration. 

“What can I say? A great day starts with a cup of coffee...” he trailed off suddenly, “but you know what?” He enquired conspiratorially, giving me a playful smirk.

“What?” I whispered back mischievously. 

 “A day without you is always incomplete, nothing could fill the void of your absence”. 

“Not even the finest coffee?” I attempted to wear a blank expression, but my tone gave me away. 

The corner of his mouth quirked up before shaking his head in denial, staring deeply into my eyes as he replied with more amorous words. My heart began to pound like a drum and I was certain my cheeks were blushing furiously as if to mirror his flushed face.

“Definitely, you are turning into more and more a romantic every day… a hopeless romantic like myself … I’m absolutely in love with you.” I stated softly, swallowing down the emotion that comes with my words, suppressing tears of happiness that threatened to fall down from the corner of my eye. 

A few seconds later, Eric held me in his strong arms and rested his forehead against mine, letting out a contented sigh when I hugged him back. Lost in each other's eyes, time seemed to have slowed down. The closeness between us felt so natural, like it was meant to be. However, reluctantly, I pulled myself away from his warmth, he raised an eyebrow in response.

“If we don’t hurry up, coffee will get cold and we won’t be able to have breakfast without rushing” I explained. “Today’s menu is a bit particular. Sir, I hope you find it to your liking. By the way, Happy Birthday!” I spoke teasingly. 

Eric’s eyes showed a hint of surprise for a brief moment, then he grinned from ear to ear, while squeezing my fingers gently. I summarized quickly about the coffee and the cake, he listened to me attentively as always. I watched him restlessly, as he brought the mug to his lips and tasted the pastry. Relief washed all over me after he nodded approvingly, flashing an encouraging smile. That peaceful moment was engraved in our memory, it might have been just an ordinary breakfast for others, but for us, it meant a great deal. When we finished eating, we cleared the table and as I was about to wash the dishes, he stopped me with a hand up.

“You prepared breakfast, it’s only fair I’ll do the dishes.” He said warmly, not letting me a chance to protest. 

At first, I just observed him while he was focused on the task at hand, but then, I tiptoed closer and circled my arms around him from behind, burying my head in his back. Inhaling deeply, his scent infused my soul with tranquility and comfort. 

As soon I noticed Eric was done with the chore, I took a step away from him. At the same, Eric turned around, and without a warning, lifted me up, slowly spinning me around until we reached the living room. He tenderly laid me down onto the couch as we locked eyes. He looked extremely amused, just like a child plotting mischief. The next thing I knew is he relentlessly tickled my ribs as I burst into giggles. The sound of our laughter echoed through the room.

I wanted that moment to last forever, but duty called. As his silver watch catched my eye, I furrowed my brows. 

“Eric, we need to start moving now… I don’t feel like leaving, but look at time…”, I pouted.  

“Time really flies when we are together, right? You know… we can stay a bit longer, if you will.”

“But If we don’t leave now, we’ll be stuck in a traffic jam and neither of us will be on time for work”.

“If we turn the siren on, a traffic jam won’t be an obstacle.” He pointed at, letting out  a small, low chuckle. I couldn’t refrain myself from tittering at his statement. 

“The siren is only for special occasions. If we used it regularly, you might get caught by one of your fellow police officers. And then what?” I dismissed his suggestion with a playful tone. 

“You promised to visit me in prison, wouldn’t you honor your vow?” He replied in the same way. 

“Needless to say, I would. However, I’d rather have you with me every day. I think you’ll agree with me.”

“I can’t argue with your reasoning.”

He made as if to rise up from the couch, but promptly sank himself back, showering my cheeks, my forehead, my lips and neck with light kisses. I giggled merrily.

“Just one more minute, please.” He pleaded in between kisses. 

I silently agreed, enjoying every second of the sweetness of his love. 

-----------------

For the rest of the day I was in high spirits, despite being a busy one. I had a meeting with a supplier and had lunch with Yael to address some remaining minor issues regarding our upcoming exhibition. I also passed by Leight’s shop to pick up my outfit for that night. I had purchased it last week, but Leigh had insisted on adding a few details on the sleeves. 

Eric arrived at the café past the closing time. After greeting me with a kiss and complimented my dress, he started to carry the tables and chairs from the terrace to inside the café, while we had our usual conversations.

“How was your day? Complicated?” 

“Kind of, but now that business is successful, I refuse to complain about having a pile of work. When I remember last year … I was about to be forced to shut down the Cosy Bear.” I shuddered in cold sweat. 

Eric put a hand on my shoulder and affectionately kissed my temple as I closed my eyes, indulging myself with his display of tenderness. 

------------------

As soon as we stepped into the restaurant, the waiter greeted us politely and led us to our table. 

“This place is highly recommended, not only for its tasteful dishes and its amazing presentations, but also because of reasonably priced food. I must add, I find the decor magnificent.” I said, offering him a smile and he did the same in return.

“I was just flipping through a magazine when I spotted a review about this place. They’re usually overbooked, but Yael happens to know the manager, so I was able to get a reservation for tonight.” I commented joyfully. 

“This is my best birthday since I was a child. I’m grateful to you for putting so much thought and effort, I know you did.” He remarked knowingly.

“You seriously need to stop playing the mentalist card.” I sighed in defeat. “I did research trendy restaurants, it took me a while to find a few of my liking. Yael’s help did come in handy for getting a reserve here, though.”

“You are adorable. I love you.” He murmured tenderly. 

Soon enough, our meal was brought to the table. Before I knew it, Eric had already emptied his plate. He looked away sheepishly, it was so cute that I found myself smiling widely. 

“It was thoughtless of me...” he attempted to sputter an excuse.

“The way you gobbled up all that food, one would think you haven’t  eaten for days.” I remarked pretending to sound casual, then I winked at him. He let out a throaty laugh in response. 

“Today it was hectic at work. Showing the new recruits the ropes was more strenuous than usual. Moreover, the investigation about you-know-what case is no longer stuck. I wish I could give you more details... Well, the fact is we made quite considerable progress. And in the end, I barely had time for lunch.” 

“You mean you skipped lunch, don’t you?” I pointed out with concern.

“It’s not like I was on an empty stomach... I had a snack-” he stammered.

“Eric…” I cut him off in a flat tone. 

His face shadowed while he looked sideways, scratching the back of his head. 

“Eric, I need you to take care of yourself properly. Just going to the gym regularly won’t keep you healthy. Skipping meals is a bad idea, a terrible one, in fact. Don’t underestimate its negative effects. Eric, I want to stay with you until we're grey and old. So, please, promise me you will be more careful in the future.”

“Umm… sure… right… I mean, I’ll try to avoid skipping meals… umm…” He responded to me, almost stuttering. 

His face turned as red as a beetroot. It took me a moment to realize why.

“It did sound like a proposal, didn’t it?” I thought bashfully, finger tapping on the table. 

Eric reached his hand over the table to touch mine while he spoke to me, while looking into my eyes.

“I don't see myself living without you either. I swear to you I won’t lose sight of the most important.”  He swallowed, and continued, “I’ve been doing some thinking. How about going on a trip the following weekend after the last auction is planned for the last week of June? How does that sound? I bumped into Yael a few days ago and had a little chat about an opening in your schedule. I thought it’d be a good idea to set the trip for that date as you’d be less packed with work. You’ll definitely need a break, it will do you good.” 

“But what about your work? What if--?”

“I had a conversation with the chief to let him know in advance that weekend I would be out of the radar.  He was quite understandable. Well, you haven’t given me an answer yet.”

“Haven’t you already guessed it? I thought body language was your thing.” I tried to sound teasing, but I just ended up giggling.

The grip of his hand slightly tightened on mine, before he leaned over to kiss the back of my hand. I got up from my seat and ran to hug him without letting go of his hand. That drew the attention of other customers, but even if I felt sheepish, I focused on Eric. 

“I'll take that as a "yes", then”. He hummed jovially, “we just need to decide where we want to go.”

For a moment I was a little taken aback because I had just assumed he had already decided on his own, but Eric wasn’t that kind of partner. He always treasured my opinions. His thoughtfulness was like those peaceful waves on the ocean, as soothing as calming. 

“Planning the trip together will be twice the fun.” He affirmed.

I agreed with a nod, my smile didn’t leave my face for the rest of the evening.  

After having a great dinner, we headed back to our apartment.

----------------

[The following scene is kind of steamy. Just warning!]

The moment we reached the bedroom, we practically collapsed onto the bed. Entirely eager for one another, impatiently getting rid of our clothes as if they were on fire. We lost ourselves in waves of ecstasy, forgetting the entire world. His hands slid down my body, claiming every part of me with his touch, making their way to my most sensitive spots. I didn’t even bother trying to suppress my moans. I didn’t remain passive either, I devoured him with reverent hunger. As growls of desire escaped his lips, I felt proudly satisfied.

Breathless from the intensity poured out between our lips, still unwilling to release the other one, not even for a second.

When both of us came together, flames of heated fervor clenched inside me. Caught up in the rhythm of his body against mine, relishing that sensation while I realized every one of his movements matched mine, we were in complete sync.

“I can’t get enough of you.” His voice, ragged with lust. 

I couldn’t even manage a reply, I just dug my nails into his back, pulling him closer, feverishly urging him to continue. 

Finally, glistened with sweat and gasping for air, we collapsed into each other's arms, both exhausted but elated. Snuggled together, in no time we surrendered to the realm of dreams. 

My last thoughts before dozing off were dedicated to the wonderful man next to me. Eric had shown me such deep, earnest love that swept over me, marking a before and after in my life. What could possibly be better than that?

[mymoonagedaydream]

Only the Good Die Young (Part 2)

Summary: Angry and terrified, you were just glad to have Bucky looking out for you- even if you weren’t sure how long that would last

Pairing: Biker!Bucky x y/n

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Language, implied smut, anti-religious sentiment throughout, harmful relationship with parents, smoking, panic attacks, some offence may be caused to people who enjoy economics

Author's Note: Who doesn't love a sequel? Maybe even a cheeky little series... This one is heavily influenced by 'Vienna', but I sprinkled in ‘The Longest Time’ too. This whole Billy Joel thing might’ve gotten on top of me a little...

---

Bucky’s bike shuddered to a stop outside an old, dilapidated apartment building. The cold air was deep in your bones and your arms felt like they were frozen in place around his waist. As soon as the engine died he jumped up and spun round, holding your head in his hands and rapidly scanning his eyes over your face and arms.

‘You alright? They didn’t hurt you did they?’ You gave him a reassuring smile and shook your head, prompting him to drop his hands down to your bare shoulders. ‘Man you’re freezing, c’mon let’s get inside.’��

You let him wrap his leather jacket around your shoulders and guide you to the door. As you climbed the stairs your phone buzzed in your pocket, but you ignored it- even if it wasn’t your parents, you weren’t exactly in the mood for chatting. 

Bucky unlocked a grubby door and you followed him through it. His apartment was sparsely decorated and a little messy, but you’d take anything over shag carpets and crucifixes on every wall. He kicked an old pair of trainers out the way of the door and muttered something about how he would’ve tidied if he knew you were coming. You smiled up at him, just happy to be somewhere safe and peaceful.

Your phone buzzed again, more sporadically. Must’ve been a flurry of texts. Bucky heard the vibrations and stopped frantically tidying, his eyes moving down to your pocket and filling with concern. 

‘That them?’

You shrugged feebly and reached for it, feeling your whole body tense up when you started reading the string of messages from your mother.

Answer the phone now

You’ve chosen a criminal over your own family

If you don’t come back now that’s it, no more support

This is your last chance

Your heart started pounding and you struggled to catch your breath. A sudden, sharp pain shot through your chest, making you feel dizzy as you began trying to frantically pull air into your tightening lungs. 

Bucky pulled you over to the sofa, sitting you down and encouraging you to take deep breaths, your eyes still glued to the screen. More and more messages were coming through, only interrupted by the occasional phone call that you sent straight to voicemail. You felt him softly stroking your back, his other hand moving towards the device clamped between your whitening knuckles.

‘Maybe you should just take the phone off the hook, disappear for a while.’ He gently tugged it from your hands, feeling your slight resistance. ‘It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two.’

You nodded, wiping a tear off your cheek. Bucky switched the phone off and pushed it to the far side of the coffee table, keeping his eyes fixed on you. You knew he was right- staring at your phone like that was just another way of letting your parents get to you. How the hell did he always know exactly what to say?

He scooched closer and pulled you into him, leaning the two of you back into the sofa cushions. You were still making an effort to maintain controlled, deep breaths, but the rest of your panic was offset by the overwhelming safety you felt being wrapped in his arms. 

Completely exhausted, it was only a few minutes before you started nodding off. 

You were so grateful that your abiding memory of one of the most terrifying days of your life was soft fingers running through your hair and the faint smell of cigarettes.

---

Loud banging jolted you awake. 

Your eyes flickered open and you looked over to see Bucky standing by the window, one hand braced against the glass, staring intently at something below him. 

‘There’s cops outside.’ 

Banging again. 

You were still trying to figure out whether you were awake or dreaming. He folded his arms and turned to face you, the complete lack of concern on his face making you feel a little better.

‘They’ve been down there for a couple minutes already.’ He chuckled. ‘We should probably go see what they want.’

Bucky opened the front door and you saw three officers waiting outside- one right on the doorstep, one a bit further back and another leaning against a marked car parked on the road.  

‘Are you y/n?’ The closest piped up as soon as you appeared in the doorway.

‘Yes, why?’

‘Your parents have reported you as kidnapped, they gave us his name.’ The officer glanced over to your companion, looking remarkably unimpressed. ‘James.’

‘Hi Terry.’ Bucky grinned, folding his arms and leaning against the opened door. 

You were in complete disbelief, quickly trying to string together some kind of response whilst bracing yourself for being tasered and tackled to the ground. 

‘I’ve not been kidnapped.’ Well that definitely wasn’t high on your list of sentences you expected to say today. ‘I’m sorry, my parents have wasted your time.’ 

Terry’s eyes darted between you and the suspect, looking as though he was trying desperately to find something amiss. After an uncomfortably long silence he eventually drew a blank, nodded and apologised. You heard a gruff chuckle next to you.

‘Stockholm syndrome, officer. Ain’t it a bitch.’ Bucky remarked through a smug smile. 

The cops piled into their car and the two of you traipsed back upstairs. As you properly registered what had happened, you felt anger brewing in your chest. Jesus, did your parents really think everything would just go back to normal if they got him arrested? Even for them that was absolute madness. 

When you got into the apartment you slammed the door behind you, prompting him to spin round.

‘I can’t believe they did that.’ 

‘Really? I sorta can.’ He chuckled.

You looked up at him, clutching your forehead in exasperation and letting a hot tear fall onto your cheek. ‘I’m really sorry Bucky, I didn’t mean to drag you into this shit.’

‘Woah, woah. Please don’t cry.’ He pleaded softly, placing his hands on your shoulders. ‘I hate it when people cry. I never know what to do.’ 

You let out a trembling laugh at the panic in his voice, wiping your face and forcing a feeble smile. He pulled you into a tight hug and pressed a kiss into your forehead. Unable to hold back your tears, you buried your face deep in the crook of his neck in an attempt to hide them.

Any adrenaline you’d built up from your high-stakes escape had long worn off, now you just felt deflated. Admittedly you were a little scared too, after all you’d only known Bucky properly for a week and here you were basically moving in together.

‘We should get out of town for a while, let tempers settle a bit.’ He whispered. ‘I know a place we can stay.’

---

After getting you properly kitted out with a warm jacket and helmet, Bucky packed himself a few days worth of white t-shirts and underwear. Following him to the door, you glanced over at your phone and hesitated, debating whether or not to grab it. 

‘Let them worry.’ He whispered, wrapping his hand around your wrist and leading you out.

You drove for an hour or so, the warmth from Bucky and the steady vibrations of the bike soothing you into a tranquil relaxation. Your eyes surveyed the scenery whizzing past, watching the suburban landscape fall away, replaced by huge expanses of grass dotted with trees and the occasional old farm building.

He pulled off down a gravel side road, eventually reaching a small campsite. A couple tents were pitched, most of them inhabited by parents with miserable-looking children, all of whom expressed great distaste at the volume of the motorbike. When it finally stopped, you lifted your head and surveyed your accommodation for the next few days.

A trailer. If only your dad were here, his face would be an absolute picture.

You really didn’t mind though, it looked pretty cosy and you weren’t exactly in a position to turn anything down. 

‘Sorry it’s not much.’ Bucky smiled as he helped you off the bike and unlocked the door.

‘It’s great, Buck.’

You threw your stuff down in the bedroom before flopping on the sofa. Bucky opened up the fridge and offered you a beer, looking faintly shocked when you accepted and took a sizable gulp. He sat himself down next to you and ran his eyes over your face, frowning at your distant expression.

‘You good?’

‘Just thinking, trying to figure out how the hell I’m gonna solve all this.’ You sighed, taking another swig from your bottle.

‘What's the hurry about?’ He lifted his feet to rest them on the table. ‘You're so ahead of yourself, seems like sometimes you forget what you need.’

You narrowed your eyes at him, watching as he casually took a drink and stared out of the window, as if he hadn’t just come up with some of the most insightful shit you’d ever heard.

‘How are you so good at this, Buck? How do you know exactly what to say and do all the time?’

‘Y’know.’ He shrugged. ‘Parents suck, been there myself. Yours are too invested in your life, mine were the opposite I guess.’ 

Thinking on it, you did remember a couple incidents from school- Bucky having to sit out gym class cause he didn’t have a kit or getting picked on for wearing the same clothes for a week straight. You started to feel a little guilty, you always just assumed he was lazy or forgetful. 

There was probably much more to it, but you got the impression he didn’t want to talk about it so you swiftly moved on.

‘Thanks, by the way. You didn’t have to do all this for me. I mean we barely even know each other.’

‘We went to school together for like ten years.’ He laughed, nudging you with his elbow.

You gave him a cynical look. ‘Yeah, but we actually spoke maybe three times?’

‘You knew I always had a bit of a crush on you though, right?’ You snapped your head towards him in complete shock. ‘Oh c’mon, I wasn’t exactly subtle about it.’

‘I think you fucking were.’

‘Well you always hung around those weird Christian kids so I never made a move or anything, but I knew there was something different about you. Something in your eyes.’ He grinned. ‘Itching for rebellion.’

You burst out laughing, nodding at his analysis- here you were living in his bloody trailer, he was obviously right. 

‘There’s a grill outside.’ He finished his beer and jumped up. ‘I’m gonna make some hotdogs.’ 

‘The only food we’ve ever eaten together is hotdogs.’ You chuckled, leaning your head to the side.

‘We’re livin’ like trailer trash so we gotta eat like trailer trash, sweetheart.’

---

It was a warm evening. You lay back on the grass outside the trailer, staring up at the starry, cloud-dusted sky, taking the opportunity to decompress your mind after the last few days. You never imagined it was possible to pack so many intense, conflicting emotions into such a short space of time.

You heard Buck move over from where he was cleaning the grill, laying himself down next to you. He was close by, but not quite touching. You got the impression that he was worried about overstepping your boundaries but, while you really appreciated how considerate he was, all you wanted at that moment was to curl up in his arms. 

He turned his head towards you. ‘What is it you do at college?’

‘Economics.’ You felt your eyes glazing over as you replied, Christ you hated it.

‘Was that your choice?’

‘What do you think?’ 

You decided that closing the gap yourself would be the easiest option, saving him some internal conflict. You rolled onto your stomach and moved your shoulders over him, resting your head on his chest. He smiled as you heard the thumping in his chest quicken slightly. 

Once you were settled on him, you added ‘I wanted to study literature, but my dad said that a degree in being able to read wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on.’ 

He brushed his hand across your hair, humming gently. ‘And what did your dad want you to do with this thrilling economics degree?’

‘No idea. But if I had to guess I’d say college, job, marry, kids, retire, die. The first four probably within the next few years.’

Bucky let out a surprised laugh. ‘Jesus. You barked that out like a well-trained dog.’ 

You feigned outrage and smacked him on the shoulder, causing him to grab your hand. He squeezed it and brought it to his mouth, pressing his lips gently against your fingers. Glancing down, he noticed you looking a little distant again.

‘Trust me, you're doing fine.’ He placed your hand back on his shoulder. ‘You can't be everything you want to be before your time.’

‘It’s not that, it’s just… my dad wanted a secure life for me, sometimes I think it was wrong how much I resented him for it.’

‘That’s the thing about you.’ He put a hand behind his head and craned it up to catch your eyes. ‘You can see when you're wrong, but you can't always see when you're right.’

‘Well they say opposites attract, James.’ You gave him a cheeky grin, raising your eyebrows in response to his outraged expression.

‘C’mere.’ He growled, flipping onto his side and grabbing your waist, pulling you towards him whilst you playfully resisted. 

You eventually relaxed, letting him hold you flush against his chest, one of his arms underneath you circling your waist and the other resting lightly on the side of your face. Both your hands were fiddling with the jersey fabric of his t-shirt in an attempt to soothe your jittering nerves. When you went to adjust yourself, you realised that your leg was hiked up over him, your inner thigh resting on his hip.

‘You shouldn’t go back if you hate it.’ He whispered. 

You raised your eyebrows, suspecting that your wellbeing wasn’t his only motive for suggesting that. 

He continued through a faint smile, ‘and, y’know, maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone.’  

‘Finally we get down to a confession?’

‘Well the way I see it, doll-face, you can get what you want or you can just get old.’ He swiftly flipped you onto your back, causing you to yelp faintly through a surprised laugh. You felt his body pressed on top of yours, his face hovering just a few centimetres away. ‘Besides, I’ve been a fool for lesser things.’

You moved your arms to circle his neck, feeling your stomach tremble as his grin grew wider. His gaze flickered down to your lips, brushing his thumb over them gently before lowering his face and locking you into a passionate kiss.

You adjusted your legs so that your thighs were squeezing his waist. His hand reached down to grab one of them, squeezing it firmly. He caught your faint moan in his mouth and chuckled in response, sliding his other hand underneath your shirt. His skin was cold as hell but it felt incredible, like faint electricity was passing between his skin and yours.

There on the grass, underneath the stars and the bright glow of the moon, you and Bucky slept together for the first time. 

Everything that’d happened, all the confusing emotions of the past few days, completely melted from your mind. For the first time in your life you felt completely free and completely loved. 

Christ, you hoped he’d still feel the same in the morning.

---

Part Three

---

[bella-caecilia]

Cobert prompt: home alone

Thank you for the prompt! I know it has been in my inbox for a while but here is my answer now. I enjoyed imagining different scenarios for this one. Hopefully, you like the one I chose to go with. I set this prompt pre-series. Hope you enjoy it!

Home alone

1891

Cora strolled the gardens on her own. Normally she would have a morning tea with Mama in between the large and luscious bushes of roses at this time. Her mother-in-law was a very demanding woman and Cora did have a hard time with her, there was no denying it. But Mama’s penchant for gardens and flowers led to some of the most beautiful moments Cora had experienced at Downton so far. Violet had made it their habit in summer to discuss the day’s tasks outside amidst her favourite part of the gardens instead of in her sitting room. Every morning, after Cora had joined Robert on his walk on the grounds, she sought the rose garden where her mother-in-law had advised the footmen to prepare a seating area.

Violet wasn’t there at the moment. She was in London for new frocks which were her usual excuse for seeing Rosamund. She spent the day looking at several fabrics and dresses and pestering her daughter with questions. Rosamund had told Cora that Violet hardly ever purchased anything and she suspected that her mother only wanted to have a closer look at her daughter’s new life as a married lady in far-away London. Today was one of the days the countess had chosen to grant her dear daughter a visit, and Cora was walking the paths in the rose garden alone. She enjoyed it though. The heavy scent floated around her and Cora relished the dream-like moment.

After her walk with Robert, he had returned to the house and she had decided to turn to the rose gardens nevertheless. Robert had to deal with some estate business because his father had left for London too. The earl was away for a few days, staying at the club and settling some business. He had advised Robert to manage a few minor tasks that would come up during his absence. Robert was eager to fulfil them responsibly and with care. He didn’t want to show a lack of interest or success right at the start of what would be a long career as ‘caretaker’ of Downton Abbey. Cora supported his ambition into the still rather small tasks he had to handle and she had urged him to tell her every detail of how it went afterwards. She used her time at hand trying to recall the different types of roses and their names Mama mentioned by the by with such great ease. Cora could relate to Mama’s interest in flowers but the older lady was a bit ahead in her knowledge and Cora always looked like a disinterested amateur next to her mother-in-law. She knew that by remembering the roses’ names she would hardly manage to impress Violet but she had to start somewhere. Humming, Cora wandered between the bushes, easily recalling the distinct types. There was only one type of intensive pink and Cora had gotten the hang of telling the different white roses apart immediately after her first visits to the garden. But the apricot roses still posed quite the challenge. The shades and forms seemed to differ more within one bush than between the different types, and Cora thought all of them as equally lovely. If she would want to make real progress on her gardening knowledge, she should consider consulting the gardener, she thought.

Being up to Mama’s mark proved to be more work than Cora had thought when she had married Robert a year and a half ago. Still, she hasn’t given up to find a way into Mama’s good graces, although she doubted, she would find a way into Mama’s heart.

Shrugging her shoulders and taking the last whiff of her favourite yellow bloom (she always imagined having a perfume of that particular rose, it would be lovely), Cora decided to return to the house and look how Robert was doing. In the hall, she already encountered her husband who was in discussion with a footman. It seemed he had received a telegram just now.

“Ah, Cora! Guess who is staying in London tonight?” Robert spoke when he spotted her.

“Uhm… Papa is, I guess,” Cora attempted an answer while trying to discreetly shift her hat whose pins began to prick unpleasantly into her scalp.

“Well, yes,” Robert replied with a shrug of shoulders. “But so is Mama. She just informed us that she would stay at Rosamund’s overnight. She isn’t feeling well and doesn’t want to travel today.” His tone was elated and he now accompanied her to the stairs, nodding his dismissal at the footmen silently.

“Oh, I am sorry,” Cora exclaimed.

“She will surely be alright by tomorrow morning,” he assured. “But she doesn’t have to bother us until she is back.” Cora chuckled at his statement.

“I will hurry to take off my hat. Might I find you in the library in a few minutes?” she asked.

“Yes, of course.” Robert smiled softly at her before she ascended the stairs.

When she met him on the red settees not much later, he already reclined casually on the seat next to the fireplace, the one his father usually occupied. He patted the cushion next to him and Cora sat down by his side.

“You know what we can do when we’re alone at home,” Robert said in a low voice, searching her eyes.

Cora furrowed her brow, trying to think of something he could possibly mean. “What?”

“Well, … everything,” Robert concluded. “It is our house for now, and there is no one to tell us what to do and what not to do.” He reached out his hand to caress her thigh.

“I see,” Cora murmured and a tentative smirk appeared on her features. Robert watched her reaction.

“What are thinking about?” he asked when she was silent for a while and her gaze had left his.

“I just thought that every single room is ours at the moment is all,” she gave back without meeting his eyes. His grip on her thigh grew firmer and eventually, she looked up at his face. She was met by a wide grin and relaxed a little at this sight, not really knowing where this former tinge of nervosity came from. This was her dear and familiar Robert after all.

“I like that thought,” he spoke softly and cupped her cheek with his other hand. He was rewarded with a content smile of hers. She leaned into his hand and her eyes swept adoringly over his features.

“What do want to do in this room for instance?” Robert inquired. Enveloped by her warm gaze he only focused on her vision in front of him.

“Well, I thought about using this comfortable settee in a manner your parents wouldn’t approve of if they knew about it.”

“Is that so?” he grinned and his voice held a teasing tone. Cora nodded and without breaking their warm eye contact she pulled up her legs and unbuckled her shoes.

“Yes, it’s a shame we’re having these cosy settees and no one ever gets really comfortable on them,” she explained while stretching her legs on the part of the sofa that faced away from Robert and leaning her upper body against his. He chuckled and she felt the rumbles that shook his body where her side pressed against his.

“You are really one of a kind, Cora,” Robert stated and began running his fingers through her pinned-up curls.

“Don’t! You’re messing up my hair,” she argued with little conviction.

“I am careful,” he assured. Cora turned until she faced him and her lips were mere inches from his. Without further words, she extended her definition of ‘getting really comfortable’ and covered his lips with hers, her arms looping around his chest. Robert moved his lips softly, relishing the opportunity to drag this unusually sensual kiss in the library. His eyes closed, the feeling of her warm lips was as present as the touch of her small palms on his back, and he enjoyed how her body moulded against his more and more. His hands splayed across the small of her back. Cora emitted low hums into their sealed lips before she tentatively tried to dip her tongue into his mouth. Robert gladly went along with her plans. After all, she was right, it was their room for now and the best way he could think of to use it was exactly what Cora initiated. But feeling growing arousal well up in him, he wasn’t sure how far they should really take it. Therefore, he was glad when Cora pulled back to catch her breath, leaning her forehead against his. Robert brushed his fingertips across her spine and Cora tucked her head underneath his chin.

“I like having the library to ourselves,” Robert pondered.

“Yes, me too,” Cora purred, letting her fingers graze the skin of his neck just where his collar ended.

“You know? One day it will be like that every day,” he said. Cora laughed without restraint.

“I don’t think so,” she chuckled.

“Why is that?”

“Well, I am sure your mother will never cease keeping an eye on us. Apart from that, we won’t be alone, Robert. Not only will there be our dear Mama but also a bunch of children,” she stated.

“Oh, right. I forgot about your big plans for the nursery,” he teased. He could never forget her dream of a nursery full of their children. It was only a few months ago that baby Mary brought life to the nursery.

“These are our plans, Robert. Or am I mistaken?” she inquired, still fiddling with his collar.

“No, of course not. It takes two after all,” he answered. His hands began pressing against her corseted waist more persistently. “Then we have to make the best of our peace in this house now.”

Cora turned again in his arms, lifting her face to his height by pressing her palms to his chest. Her close-up grinning face made Robert chuckle lowly. “I totally agree,” she purred.

[ijustwant2write]

Timid-Arthur Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @queenofhelldarlin)

Tags: @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight

Requested by anonymous: '[1/2] Do you still write for Peaky Blinders? If so, can I request a scenario where the reader is a long time family's friend and all the boys likes her but never tried anything, but it's been a while since she timidly hugged Arthur and began to be affectionate with him and hasn't stopped since, despite he never pushing her away she thought he accepted cause he thought it was platonic (even if the guy wouldn't like people hugging him without wanting to be with him, I imagine)...[2/2] but she finds out that it wasn't platonic when John and Tommy notices how she treats Arthur differently and they get jealous, which causes Arthur to snap and finally let they know that you are somehow his. If possible, can you write Arthur loving the attention reader gives him, being pampered by the reader and loving how clingy she is to him[in this same request]? I just want to see/read this man happy.'

Characters: Arthur Shelby x Reader, Thomas Shelby x Reader (platonic), John Shelby x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Swearing, jealousy, arguing, fluff

(A/N: I didn't fully understand the request, but I think I got the jist of it, so I hope it's OK!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Good morning Miss (Y/L/N)." a young man called out, tipping his hat to her as she passed.

She timidly smiled, ducking her head immediately after. (Y/N) appreciated the kindness from people, but didn't need all that attention. However, the respect she had wasn't all down to her sweet demeanour and caring heart; she was basically part of the Shelby dynasty, and no one dared fuck with her. Those who did clearly didn't know who she was.

She entered the Garrison, shivering as the warmth spread over her body. Small Heath had never been generous with warm weather. As she took off her coat, she scanned the pub, wondering if any of the boys were at the bar. Of course, they weren't, and she let herself into the private room. To her surprise, they weren't there either. The small serving door opened, Harry's head popping through.

"Tommy said they'll be here a bit later than expected, but said you should stay in here. You know how rowdy it is on Friday nights." he explained.

"Thank you Harry."

He presented a bottle of wine and a glass."As usual, these are for you."

She graciously took them, waiting for Harry to close the doors before settling into the booth and pouring out a big glass. The noise from the punters was muffled, though still loud, yet it was somehow background noise for (Y/N) now, especially since she had grown up here.

Along with the Shelby brothers, she would come into the Garrison just aged fifteen, drinking underage and coming home drunk. But at that point in their lives, it was teenagers being teenagers. But now they were grown up, and still closer than ever.

The door finally opened, Tommy and John waltzing in. She stood and instantly hugged them, receiving the same loving embrace back from both. They sat down, and Arthur arrived a few seconds later, smoothing down his suit. (Y/N) was still standing, and for some reason, she went for a hug with him too. Arthur had never been much of a lover, so was surprised when he felt (Y/N)'s arms wrap around him. Reluctantly, he hugged her back, awkwardly patting her as he avoided eye contacts with his brothers, both sniggering at him.

That had been the point where things started changing. Tommy and John had brushed off the hug, it was in the moment for them both, but when they started noticing more 'affectionate' touches, they grew suspicious.

For instance, they remember seeing (Y/N) and Arthur in Polly's kitchen; Polly had set up a dinner that was supposed to bring peace to another argument within the family, though of course, that didn't go to plan.

"Arthur?" (Y/N) said, catching his attention as he poured himself another drink.

He silently acknowledged her, downing his whiskey.

"At least we got through dinner before all hell broke loose." she tried to joke.

"Well, we're fuckin' Shelbys, aren't we? It was bound to happen."

She stood by him, looping her arm through his."Still, you need to stick together. Things are heating up around here."

Arthur noticed the closeness, but didn't push her away."Eh, I've got nothin' to do with this. Tom's in charge."

"You've still got your opinion though Arthur." her head rested below his shoulder, too short to reach.

"Nah, not me." he smirked.

"Yes you." she smiled up at him, and the connection in their eyes was obvious.

Polly saw the two brothers spying through the small opening of the door, silently sneaking up on them before clicking her fingers in their faces. Annoyed at the gesture, John and Tommy frowned as she instructed them to move along, without saying a word. They piled into the living room, Polly shutting the door behind her.

"You two are not going to ruin this for your brother." she exclaimed in a hushed tone.

"Ruin what?" John scoffed.

"Jealousy isn't always flattering boys."

"Jealousy?" Tommy repeated, looking at his younger brother."Jealousy eh?"

"Deny it all you want, but it's completely obvious. You've all had a thing for her since your hormones kicked in. It just so happens that she is only interested in one of the Shelby brothers."

"You don't think that's serious do you?" John said.

"You tell me. You're the ones who have been spying on them all this time."

The door suddenly clicked open, all three of them instantly shutting up. Arthur poked his head round the door.

"I'm uh, just taking (Y/N) home." he explained.

"Alright love." Polly smiled, which made Arthur feel somewhat unnerved.

(Y/N) walked in, already wearing her coat and carrying her handbag."Thank you for dinner Pol, delicious as usual."

The women hugged, and (Y/N) did the same for the other brothers, warning them to get this mess cleaned up as soon as possible. As soon as they left, John and Tommy raced to the window, watching Arthur walk her to the end of the street. They wanted to point out that she could have gone herself, she lived so close and it was still light outside. Polly groaned at them before leaving, fed up with their antics. The men o served their brother's posture, how unusually relaxed he was, and he was laughing. (Y/N) stood in her doorway, that beautiful smile spreading across her face as she nodded her head towards the house. Arthur seemed flustered, and to their shock, he walked inside the house!

"It's no use," John sighed,"I think we've fuckin' lost her Tom."

Tommy didn't reply, he didn't want to admit how right he was.

As the weeks went on, Tommy and John became infuriated at just how affectionate (Y/N) was towards Arthur. She would now kiss him on the cheek as a greeting, she would cosy up to him in the Garrison, she would ask him to walk her home almost all the time, specifically just him.

"Come on then, spit it out." Ada demanded

She had invited (Y/N) round to hers, they had not been able to spend any time together, but she was also curious about the situation with her oldest brother.

"Hm?" (Y/N) sipped her tea.

"What's made you more confident all of a sudden?"

"What do you mean?"

"Stop fucking avoiding the topic (Y/N)." Ada smiled as she rolled her eyes."You and Arthur!"

"There's nothing going on there, trust me."

Ada noticed the saddened expression."You sound disappointed."

"I mean..."

(Y/N) held back, unsure of what to say. She couldn't hide anything from Ada, the girl was like a professional interrogator. Looking away from her, (Y/N) found it easier to ramble.

"I have always been one of the most awkward people when it comes to any kind of flirting. Sure, get a few drinks down me and I'm rearing to go, but I would turn into an alcoholic if I chose that solution. For some reason, it just seems easy with Arthur. And I don't think it has anything to do with growing up together, otherwise I would be more confident around your other brothers. I just see into Arthur a little more, I understand him, and I know how disgustingly sweet that sounds. But I don't think he sees me in the same way, not from what I gathered anyway."

"And you just had to choose a man who is as equally as awkward as you." Ada chuckled.

(Y/N) smiled in agreement.

"So what are you going to do about it?”

“I need to speak with him.”

Tommy poured out another glass of whiskey, thinking about what Polly had said. It had been three days since the dinner, and there was a lot on his mind; tension in the family was still high, he had a problem on his hands that seemed impossible to solve, and he was still watching how Arthur was sneakily taking away (Y/N) from him. John and Tommy had seemed to form an alliance for now, but they would also have to fight it out in the end.

Arthur walked into the private room in the Garrison, greeting his brothers as he sat, taking the glass that was already filled with whiskey. He settled back into his seat, only realising the stares he was receiving.

"What's going on? Eh, what have I missed?" he asked.

"Mate, what the fuck is going on with you and (Y/N)?" John boldly said.

Arthur was confused."What you on about you prick?"

"Arthur, we just want the truth. It's not fair that you've been the one to take (Y/N) when neither of us have even had a chance."

Arthur laughed."You fuckin' what?"

"We know, alright," John snapped,"and its not a fair game."

"A fair game?" Arthur breathed out before shouting."A fair. Fucking. Game?!"

They were taken back by Arthur's sudden change of tone.

Arthur sat up straight, that terrifying look in his eyes."I would never mess around with that girl! She's been a part of our family for fuckin' years, and you're being disrespectful."

Tommy and John glanced wide eyed at each other.

Arthur stood, though it was clear in his body language he wasn't exactly thinking before he spoke."You two think I'm taking advantage of her? That we're all in competition?"

Nothing was said.

"Well you're fucking right about one thing. I do lover her, I fuckin' love her because she's always been there, and she's the only one who is ever real around me. Even you two treat me different sometimes."

Tommy tried to butt in."Arthur-"

"No! No, you don't get to say nothin'. I'm off."

The boys called after him, though Arthur was quick to escape. In a fury, he stormed his way to (Y/N)'s house, not even taking a second to think about it. As he approached her front door, he tried to calm himself down as he knocked, not wanting to scare (Y/N). She opened the door, initially smiling before it turned into a worrying look.

"Arthur? Are you alright?" she moved aside to let him in, closing the door quickly.

Arthur tensed up, and he couldn't stay still, fidgeting as he spoke."The boys know."

"Know about us?"

"Yeah."

"OK, I know we wanted to tell them ourselves, but it's not that bad."

"Nah, it's not that love. It's...they've just made me realise something."

"What?"

"I fuckin' love you, you know."

(Y/N) smiled."I know. Arthur I-"

"You just treat me right. I mean, you knew growing up that I hated affection cause of what happened with mum and dad. But it's different with you. I want it. I want you to hold me, I want you to kiss me in public. You make me feel like a real man at last."

"Arthur." (Y/N) stood in front of him, holding his hands as she gently kissed him. She noticed his shoulders drop."I love you. And you don't know how happy it makes me to see you like this."

"You're happy right?"

"Yes, and I always will be as long as you're with me."

"What about Tom and John?"

She shook her head laughing."As much as I love them, they stood no chance against you."

He smirked."Yeah, too fuckin' right."

"I also feel free now. It was so hard to even talk to other men yet...there was just something about you that made me relaxed."

"I've left them in the Garrison. They won't be looking for me anytime soon." Arthur suggestively whispered.

"I hope you didn't come here to slide into bed with me."

"No love, but it's a bonus, isn't it?"

"Of course it fucking is."

[padfootagain]

A Very Rose Mistake (VIII)

Part 8 : How You Fooled Everyone

Here we go for a new chapter!!! This is a little bit angsty at the beginning BUT it takes another turn completely in the second part and… feel free to come shout at me because… I reckon the end of this chapter will make you want to kill me, indeed :) (but in a good way, you'll see!)

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, no warnings to be applied except for a little bit of angst, but you know me, nothing too terrible!

Tell me what you think of it!

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count : 3913

I

Holmes Chapel, 2011

 10 months.

It was snowing in England. It was the late afternoon and the sun was setting already on Cheshire. The first snow of the year was but a thin layer barely covering the grass, leaving patches of colours amongst its pure white shade. It would probably be gone in the morning, melted by either the weather turning to rain instead of snow, or simply by the temperature not dropping low enough during the night. For now though, lazy snowflakes floated downwards, freefalling softly to land in silence upon the houses of Harry's neighbourhood.

It would be the last Christmas he would spend in this house with his mother and sister. His musical career was growing more and more successful by the day, and with the money he had made during the past year, he had bought his mother a new house. Larger, more comfortable, and one that would be hers for good and she wouldn't have to pay for.

As he looked through his window to your house, he noticed that your light was on. You were there. It was your last year staying here as well. He knew you wanted to go to University to study history. It had been your passion for years. He guessed you'd be off to Manchester, or even London, in a few months.

But ever since Valentine's day, Harry and you had barely spoken to each other. It was such a strange thing to get used to, when, despite the distance, you had always remained close during his first year away from home. Although everything around him was changing, you were still there, answering your phone and telling him about school and all those other people he had grown up with. It kept him grounded. It kept him as himself, somehow.

But then he had gone to your door with this bloody rose and a heart full of lovesick hope, and everything had changed.

10 months had passed since that night, and now that he was back in this room that had seen him grow up, he didn't feel like it was such a long time ago.

After that night, he simply couldn't be around you the way he used to. Somehow, his feelings for you were only more visible since he was aware that they were not reciprocated. He had this aching strumming in his heart everytime he saw you or even merely heard your voice, that reminded him that you didn't see him the way he saw you. It was easier, then, to avoid you altogether so it wouldn't hurt anymore.

Which didn't work so well, because when he didn't talk to you, he missed you. So, he guessed that he had only a choice to make between hell or high water.

But the distance between you made it harder to stay in touch anyway, so it was easier for him to choose this path rather than staying by your side. He fully embraced music, and he embraced the life in the band even though it still seemed crazy to him, and he embraced the truth that he had to forget you.

Finding someone else to love seemed a good way to do so.

And he did. He found someone else to fall head over heels for, and the pain waned slowly with a little time. But it wasn't the same as having you.

Harry grabbed an empty box and started to empty the drawers of his desk. He would probably not be home before his mother would move to the new house, so he wanted to pack as many of his things as he could now, while he had a break from the busy schedule of the band. And he also expected to throw away some of his old stuff he would never be using again. His mother would take whatever they could bring to charity, and he expected to get rid of a lot of useless items thanks to this forced cleaning up.

And he did. He put aside some old toys he would never be using again and wasn't emotionally attached to enough to keep around.

Until he found a certain shoebox that he recognized in the blink of an eye, at the bottom of his closet, under his warmest jumper.

It was old, a shoebox of his mother's size, he remembered now Anne giving it to him years before, picking her new shoes out of it and handing it to him. He remembered the way he grinned and hurried in his bedroom to store a messy mix of items, and he had kept filling up the box along the years.

There were souvenirs from his holidays with his family, a bunch of old toys he loved. Family pictures with his parents and Gemma. He had a smile on his lips as he went through his memories, silly little trinkets he had gathered along the years since he was a little boy. But out of all the memories, he lingered longer on the objects that reminded him of you.

This piece of red glass he used to call you, a piece of paper where he had learned how to write your name, some pictures of you as well, green marbles you had once used to decorate a snowman. He smiled as he picked one up making it twirl between his fingers.  It was cold against his skin, glimmering with green hues in the electric light of his bedroom. He remembered that day perfectly. You and him playing in the snow, and fighting in a snowball fight with Gemma and your mothers. Shaping snow with you to form a snowman that, now that he thought about it, was a little wonky-looking. But it looked great to your two childish minds. And he remembered you running from your house with the marbles. Placing them in the snow. Saying that he could keep them as you were going to leave for the holidays. Harry wasn't sure why there were tears in his eyes now, after all, his smile was still there too. But for some reason, holding this tiny token of his past with you, summoning back these happy scenes before his eyes, he felt both happy and sad. Happy about the memories, sad about the present.

He reckoned that he should let you go altogether. That he should throw away the pieces of you that remained in his life. Maybe, getting rid of those memories was the first step he ought to take.

His mother called for him from downstairs, tearing him away from his thoughts. He answered that he was coming, an automatic response that he barely noticed making. His eyes were still fixed on the tiny marble, that seemed much smaller than he remembered. But then, he had grown, and his fingers now were much bigger than when he was but a child.

Maybe throwing it all away would be the first step to forget you.

But did he really want to forget you?

He must have remained stuck at the same place, without being able to move, for a moment too long, for his mother called for him once more. This time, he shook himself out of his thoughts, closed the box, and put it back in his closet, where it belonged.

And as he opened the door to his bedroom, he slipped in the pocket of his jeans the green marble you had given him such a long time ago.

  II

Loch Lomond, 2020

 It felt strange.

A good kind of strange.

Harry had listened to your plea, without a doubt, and made a point of staying right by your side during the entire lunch. As everyone settled on their blankets and chatted merrily, Harry didn't let anyone distract him from you. When some of Amy's cousins offered him a drink, he declined, and remained at his spot on your blanket instead.

And when he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you against him, it wasn't really a surprise when your heart skipped a beat.

His sweater was soft and warm against your cheek, and you felt so cosy in his embrace as you chatted with your cousin.

But once the dessert was devoured, and Cassie was pulled somewhere else by your aunt, and your uncle had disappeared somewhere, and your parents were busy as well, you and Harry left alone, he didn't release his hold on you.

Not even a little bit.

He kept you gently pressed against him, a strong arm wrapped around you as if to protect you from the cold. He stretched his long legs across the colourful blanket, his feet resting on the orange and red leaves covering the muddy ground, while he held himself up with one hand thrown behind him. And you followed his movements, your head like glued to his shoulder, readjusting your own position to fit his.

After all, you felt so peaceful in his embrace, why would you want to pull away?

There was no one around, and nobody paying any attention to you. So, considering your agreement, you expected Harry to put more distance between the two of you again. But he didn't. And you wondered why, but didn't complain.

There was no one watching when he bent his head to drop a soft kiss to the top of your head, but he did anyway. Although, you wouldn't have known if anyone was watching, as you had closed your eyes by then, too engulfed in the warmth of his chest against yours, too soothed by the silly patterns his fingers gently traced across your arm, too lost in the scent of his cologne.

You hesitated to rest your hand on his thigh. Because, after all, no one was paying any attention to the two of you, so it was rather useless. But on the other hand, you wanted to touch him, to simply break the physical barrier that had stood between the two of you for so long. You thought you heard his breath get caught in his throat as you finally did so, but then, he didn't move his leg away, so maybe you had been imagining it all.

Still, you looked up at him, slowly turning your head to study his expression, as if half-afraid of what you would read in his green eyes. When your gazes met though, you read the same uncertainty in his coloured irises.

Your heartbeat was less and less steady as seconds passed by, both of you staring at each other. You wanted to say something, but no words would form on your tongue. It was as if your brain had gone blank. You saw his lips parting, as if he was about to say something, but he remained silent as well, merely letting his lower lip tremble for a second, before clenching his jaw instead.

You noticed the way his Adam's apple bobbed more than usual, but again, none of you seemed able to speak, or to move, or to even think...

"Y/N!"

You jumped as your mother's call pulled you back right down to Earth. You pulled out of Harry's embrace in a hurry, quite embarrassed, although you were not sure what had triggered the feeling. You turned to your mother, who was folding a blanket nearby.

"We're going back, let's go, lovebirds!"

You let out a grunt at the silly name she had called you and Harry, but still got up, straightening your clothes before turning back towards your spot to clean up the space and gather all your items before leaving back for the lodge.

Harry, meanwhile, seemed to need a little longer than you to come back to his senses, but he did so anyway. You silently gathered everything, folded the blanket, and joined the rest of the guests back to the shore to use the little boats again.

Harry left you for mere seconds to help someone load a bag in one of the rowboats. But mere seconds were enough for Patrick to have appeared out of nowhere and start a conversation with you. And your fake boyfriend didn't like it at all.

He was jealous. Again. Nothing new. Out of all the feelings he had to control around you, jealousy had always been the hardest one to tame, and your fake relationship wasn't making things easier for him.

There were so many feelings bubbling under his ribcage again, resurrected, it seemed. Feelings he tried to bury as deeply as he could in the darkest parts of his heart, that he tried to forget, that he tried to live without. But this whole plan was making things hard for him to keep going. It was making things hard for him to keep his feelings in check now, he thought he had gotten rid of them a long time ago, but maybe he had been wrong. Maybe it wasn't so. Maybe it wasn't so at all…

Harry heaved a frustrated sigh while he strode back to your side. He was beginning to be particularly annoyed by Patrick and this whole situation, for that matter.

He slipped his hand around your waist, and the gesture seemed familiar, as if he had performed it absentmindedly, as if he had done it thousands of times before. And you couldn't ignore how easy it was for your body to fit perfectly against his, like two pieces of a puzzle locking together.

"Everything's ready, darling," Harry smiled at you, before turning towards Patrick. "Need any help with your stuff?"

"Oh! No, no, thank you," Patrick answered uncomfortably, clearly displeased by Harry's reappearance.

Harry shot him a bright smile, and turned to you once more.

"Then, we should go, my love."

You hated yourself for letting your heart make such a leap into your chest at the pet name, but really, there was nothing you could do against it. The words, spoken in Harry's deep voice, with such a gentle and delicate tone, that hadn't it been for the circumstances and for the fact that you were aware that he didn't mean it at all, you would have even dared to call loving.

He dropped a quick peck to your cheek, before turning his attention to the boat behind you, and you followed his lead, almost forgetting completely Patrick still standing by your side.

You climbed in first, and Harry soon joined you. He spontaneously took the oars, and you didn't protest. You leaned back instead, your face thrown back to face the shy autumnal sun. Despite the cold wind that blew onto the lake, making ripples and tiny waves shake the surface of the quiet loch, the sun was still warm enough to spread across your face a peaceful feeling. You closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling, and Harry was grateful for it, allowing him to admire you without being noticed. Or at least, not by you, which was all that mattered, really.

"I think we're doing better," you said after a while, more than half of the loch being already crossed, at last turning your attention back to your friend.

"Yeah? More credible?"

"I think so. We should stay on that path."

"Very well, then."

"I hope it doesn't make you too uncomfortable."

"Not at all, it's fine, Y/N."

"Good."

"Good."

There was a short silence, while you let your eyes roam across the rowboats around you. But then, your gaze settled on Patrick who was in the boat next to yours, alone.

"What do you think of Patrick?" you asked out of the blue.

"What about him?" Harry mumbled.

"What do you think? Do you like him?"

"He seems… nice."

"Yeah, I think so to."

"A shame I'm in the way then. The bridesmaid isn't going to get laid during the wedding."

"Harry!" you frowned, kicking his shin. "What on Earth was that for! You know it's not my style."

You seemed offended. He hated it. Hated seeing any form of hurt across your features. Hated even more himself for being the cause behind it. But he couldn't help it. He was bitter too, and it didn't bring the best in him.

"Come on! It was a joke."

"A bad one."

You heaved a sigh, and remained quiet. But Harry was not done with the conversation, and when he spoke again, his voice was a little deeper than usual, a little hoarse, and surprisingly serious.

"Seriously though, do you like him?"

"Yeah… I think I do," you nodded, after considering the question for a few seconds.

"Do you love him?"

You laughed at that, shaking your head at him.

"Harry… only you are romantic enough to imagine that I could fall in love with someone in just a couple of days!"

"It's not impossible!"

"That kind of love exists only in fairytales. And if it does exist for real, I am immune."

"How can you say that? Ever heard of love at first sight?"

"I can't fall in love with someone like that! In just a moment, without knowing them. I need… time for that kind of stuff."

He considered your answer, and was reassured that your feelings towards Patrick, if you had any, were not serious yet.

"Anyway, I'll see after the wedding, maybe I'll give him a call then. A date could be nice," you went on, and your friend's heart dropped again.

You went on to talk about something else, but Harry had lost his focus on the conversation at hand. You had almost reached the edge of the loch again, and Harry's attention was drawn to Patrick on the boat nearby.

He was handsome, and he was nice, and Harry should have encouraged you. But your friend was jealous, and he was selfish sometimes, like everyone could be, and he simply couldn't help but think that you deserved better. Better than Patrick, and better than himself.

The anger that was slowly yet steadily burning more and more vividly through his veins made him work with the oars faster, not really caring in what direction he was going. He didn't notice that he was heading towards an area filled with fallen branches and large roots of trees that grew along the shore. He didn't notice either the rock that was barely grazing the surface of the water, and neither did you, as you were lost in a one-sided conversation.

It's only when you started to be rocked left and right by the branches you bumped into that you frowned.

"Harry, look out where we're going!"

"I am paying attention."

"We're not even close to the lodges, you went too far to the left."

"In case you hadn't noticed, my back is at the shore," he snapped, and you wondered why he was so grumpy all of a sudden.

Because he had been so fast at pushing the boat forward, you were the first boat to arrive close to the shore, but the obstacles in your way made your progression more and more difficult. And when your boat hit the rock and was pushed in the opposite direction, you lost your balance, falling to the side, and dragging the boat with you.

And the boat turned over.

The water was freezing cold, enough to knock out all the air in your lungs. Enough to make you unable to move for a while. It was the feeling of Harry grabbing your forearm and pulling you upwards that brought you back to the moment, and you broke the surface again, taking in a deep breath.

You found out quickly that the water wasn't deep, and you could stand on your feet, the waterline only reaching your stomach then.

"Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" your friend asked, all signs of annoyance now gone and replaced by worry.

You turned to Harry, your teeth already chattering, but shook your head.

"I'm alright. You?"

"Fine. Just… drenched, and very, very cold."

He helped you making your way to the shore, and at each step the two of you took, the angrier at him you became.

"Couldn't you be careful?!" you accused him.

"Sorry."

"Sorry?! Look at us!"

"Well, I didn't do it on purpose, obviously!" he fought back, clenching his jaw, and you weren't sure if it was out of anger, or to prevent his teeth from chattering as the cold wind got caught in your wet clothes, making you feel even colder than before.

Your fingers seemed pierced by hundreds of needles at the contact of the cold air, and your cheeks tickled with the freezing wind too. But you turned to Harry instead of hurrying to shelter.

"I can't believe you! You crashed our boat! I'm freezing!"

"Well, if you were so good with oars, why didn't you take charge, huh? As I'm clearly not capable of doing anything?"

"Certainly not of handling a boat, no! Here is the proof!"

You were interrupted in your rant by a sneeze. Harry had always found it absolutely adorable, the high-pitched sound that you let out when you sneezed. And all of a sudden, his anger subsided, just as quickly as it had formed across his frame. And he wasn't angry. His eyes changed the way they stared at you, with fondness instead of wrath. And a wave of laughter started to bubble in his chest.

And finally, he laughed. Loud and bright, and ridiculously contagious.

You were stopped in your tracks for a moment, staring at him as you were readying your next argument, but instead, were caught off guard by this sound you had always found the most radiant in the world.

And suddenly, the situation didn't anger you anymore either. You realized, on the contrary, how ridiculous the two of you were, drenched and with your jeans covered with mud, as you had fallen into Loch Lomond. It was funny. You had to admit that the whole situation was hilarious. So, helped by how contagious Harry's laugh was, you started to wheeze and then laugh yourself.

"I can't believe you've managed to make us fall," you struggled to let out, bending over in laughter, your arm now clenched over your painful stomach.

"I have no idea!" he doubled with laughter, taking a step towards you, and resting a hand on your shoulder to steady himself. He was laughing so much, he was ready to fall over.

You finally calmed down as you noticed the other guests coming closer, starting to reach the shore as well. All of them were looking at the two of you.

And then, the idea struck you.

They were all looking at the two of you.

When you turned to Harry again, you were not laughing at all anymore.

He dried his eyes where tears had gathered, and he struggled to catch his breath.

"That's one you're gonna use against me for a while!" he chuckled some more, before looking at you again.

"Harry."

"Hmm?"

"I have an idea."

"An idea? What kind of idea? If it involves us getting inside and out of the cold, sign me in."

But you shook your head.

"No, I… Please, don't freak out, and don't push me away. Everyone's looking, that's perfect."

He frowned.

"Y/N, what are talking abou…"

But before he could finish his question, you had taken one more step towards him, and in doing so closing the distance between the two of you. Before he could register what was happening, you were closing your lips upon his.

And you were kissing him.

*************************************************************

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[goldeneyedgirl]

JaliceWeek21 - Day 7: No Dialogue: This Time

Is... is this what organisation feels like? Having a fic ready to post?

Kayla wanted more Divorce Jalice, which I haven’t posted outside of Discord yet, but this is basically a snapshot of their reconciliation. 

he.

I saw you for the first time when we were seventeen and, Alice, I fell in love with you first sight. God, I was a goner who made a complete fool of himself trying to impress you and, despite my very best efforts, somehow you felt the same way.

It takes him the best part of the week to write the letter.

He struggles to find the words he wants to say. It feels a little dangerous, even writing the letter - she made herself clear when she moved in, that she didn’t want to remarry him. That it had taken months of negotiations for Alice to even agree to move in. And then there had been the long debate about her paying her share, even though her freelancing was successful and she was rarely at a loss for work, every trip to the ER left her exhausted for days. She didn’t make a salary, didn’t have any benefits… it just wasn’t reasonable or even expected for her to cover exactly half of the household expenses plus her own - he knew how much she loathed taking money from her family, but had made peace with it when she had no other choice.

And they had been had reached a good place, together. He’d argue it was better now than it had been when they were younger - there was so much laughter, so much conversation, and there was never a night when he didn’t look at her, curled up asleep in his arms, when he didn’t thank every power on earth that he’d been given another chance with Alice.

This… this was something else entirely. This was putting his entire heart in her hands, and risking losing her entirely. He knew Alice, better than he had before, and he knew that if she wasn’t at least a tiny bit open to this, she’d just move out again. Give them both ‘space’.

So, he writes the letter over and over again until it’s as good as it’s going to get. Then he writes it again because he’s smeared the ink.

But finally, it’s done, and he keeps it in his bag - like a ticking bomb. He goes home, they have dinner together and go to bed early to make love and watch the end of a movie. He sleeps with her in his arms, and he tries not to think that if this all goes wrong, this will be it - the very last time. That she’ll be gone again, like a ghost, and he already knows how wrong that will feel.

He leaves her sleeping the next morning, with a kiss to her temple. He walks across the road to the bodega for the good bagels and a bunch of flowers. He leaves them in the kitchen, and props up the letter in front of the vase.

And then he pulls the rings out. The fine, etched wedding ring, and the sapphire engagement ring. The initials and dates are engraved in the inside of both rings, three sets of Whitlock grooms and brides. He’d felt like a failure when he’d taken them back, had broken a link in an unbreakable chain. They were always destined to be passed to one of Rosalie’s children, but freely given, maybe even bequeathed. Never across a conference table, in front of lawyers.

Never as an act of pity and kindness when he had been buzzing from whatever cocktail of pills and alcohol he’d chased with an espresso before he signed away any legal or emotional connection to Alice.

Fuck, he was still ashamed and guilty. He still hated himself, especially now he knew the entire story.

He stares at the rings in his hand and hopes. That’s all he has left. Hope. And then he tucks them into the envelope.

It’s done. Whatever happens next, it is what it is.

she.

I have struggled with how close I came to losing you forever, and I think I always will. I need you to know that you are, and have always been, the best and most precious thing to me.

It’s a normal morning when she wakes up. Jasper leaves the curtains drawn these days, leaves her to sleep the morning away, if that’s what she needs. There have been a few little set-backs with her health over the last few years, but mostly she’s good.

No, not good. Better than good. Happy, content, loved. It’s more than she ever hoped for, in those dark days between one failed surgery and the next; when she and her surgeons had to debate the benefits of more surgery versus a full transplant, and she was alone with no one to lean on, no hand to hold.

Looking back, she wants to comfort her past self, let her know that better days are coming, that Jasper will come back to her - and her Jasper, not the man she divorced - and she’ll be okay. That every empty hospital room, every nurse that pitied her lack of flowers, and family and friends clustered around her bedside as she waited for the doctors’ verdict, her chest stitched and stapled and swathed in bandages, is just another step closer to things being wonderful again. That she and Jasper are both better people, better friends, better partners and lovers for everything that happened.

She gets out of bed, and heads towards the bathroom - detouring into her bedroom to retrieve clothes. She’s got a half-done piece on her desk, one that needs to be finished and shipped to her client in the next week or so.

After her shower, she locates her phone. The lock-screen is a photo of her and Jasper, the weekend he dragged her to California for some conference. They’re sprawled out on a sun-lounger together, grinning at the camera. It’s her favourite photo of him, of them. She can see his tattoos snaking around his side, his arm, his shoulder, and his neck; his hair is pulled back in a ridiculous ponytail she finds impossibly sexy, and the smile on his face is pure, unadulterated happiness. She’s tucked into his side in the silly (he called them ‘hot’ and ‘adorable’) heart-shaped sunglasses he’d bought her when she forgot hers. She’s got her hands clasped against her chest, her head nestled against his, and she’s smiling too. She remembers being so nervous about wearing a bikini for the first time, with her scars, but he’d convinced her, and they’d had a great day. A few people stared, but that was normal.

That had been the week he’d started wearing his wedding ring again, and when she’d asked, he’d dismissed it by saying he was tired of people hitting on him, even after he told them he wasn’t interested - and at the conference, with alcohol and the beach, it would be more annoying.

She’d let him think she believed that excuse and let it go.

It’s after eleven, and there’s no messages from him. Usually when she gets up, there’s at least three or four - maybe a photo of good coffee art if he stops by his usual place; a link to a restaurant or a movie he thinks they’d enjoy; or maybe an article that will make her laugh. And always a ‘good morning beautiful’ just before lunchtime.

Not today, not yet. Not so much as a dirty emoji message as a joke. There’s one from Rosalie (lunch on Friday), one from a prospective client, and one from Esme (family lunch on Sunday, can she and Jasper bring a dessert).

She frowns as she slips into the kitchen, and her gaze falls on the flowers - a mess of bright yellows and blues and pinks and purples. They’re beautiful and unnecessary and she’s already reaching for her phone again when she sees the letter propped up against it.

And for a second, she thinks her heart stops.

they.

I know you didn’t buy whatever I told you about me wearing my ring again. Because it was never about anyone else. It’s about you and me, and my commitment to you - my promise that as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here. And that’s why I want you to have these back - because they have always been yours.

He walks home the long way. Home, in that moment, feels like a trap. Until he gets there, slides the key into the lock, he still has a partner, a girlfriend, a quasi-wife who told him so damn clearly that she didn’t want more than what they had.

(He knows it all now. The depth of the hurt, the pain. Pondering if she should have just cancelled the surgery and died quietly in the bed next to him whilst he drank and got high and fucked around behind her back. The days she spent in a hospital bed, alone and forgotten whilst he sat in a hard plastic chair in a church basement and admitted he had a problem. The long nights in the ER, holding her breath that it was just a false alarm, and nothing to worry about. Couples therapy had been as damning as it had been cleansing, and he carries her lost years with him everywhere, reminding him to be better, reminding him of how close it all came to being unfixable. He understands why she shies away from remarrying him when their marriage was always tangled up in so much hurt, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting more, wanting the most she can give.)

She’s in the kitchen, cooking dinner, when he walks in the door. That has to be a good sign. The apartment is warm and cosy, and it feels more like a home than anywhere he’s ever lived. He doesn’t want that to change.

Clutching his peace offering - a raspberry cake from the place a few blocks away - he walks into the kitchen.

She’s always the most beautiful woman in the room, in the world, to him and that’s no different tonight. There are no words for her, flitting around the kitchen like she knows what she’s doing, the curl of her hair against her cheek, the way she bites her lip as she checks something on the stove.

The way she brushes her hair out of her face with a hand that is wearing a fine, etched wedding ring, and a sapphire engagement ring that has their initials and wedding year engraved on the inside, and his heart definitely freezes in his chest and she’s wearing them again and that’s not something he let himself hope for. He prepared himself for the very worst and he’s found the very best and he doesn’t know what to say.

She meets his gaze with that warm smile, the one that is a little secretive and knowing that she only ever offers to him, and he holds out the cake like an offering and as she takes it, her eyes lighting up, he moves around the island to scoop her into his arms and kiss her. She squeals and somehow manages to put the cake down before she throws her arms around his neck, and he can feel her smiling against his lips.

He kisses her like it’s the very last time he’ll ever kiss her, like he’s trying to prove something. And maybe he is. Maybe he’s always going to be making up the past to her, like he can erase the hurt, the pain, the suffering. But they don’t have a time machine, and she’s long since made peace with everything that happened. Addiction is an illness, like everything else, but one that never truly goes away. The same way her heart will always been a little bit broken, he will also have that struggle. Maybe some day it will win again; there will probably be days when he does fall, just as long as there are more days he doesn’t. And that’s okay - she didn’t fall in love with him expecting him to be perfect. And the more she thinks about it, reflects on the apologies and the things he’s told her about everything that happened, she knows he never intended to hurt her.

Jasper’s been the centre of her universe since they were seventeen, since he looked across a classroom at her like he was starstruck and then grinned, that same grin he’s wearing now like he’s won an unwinnable prize. As if she could have resisted him, back then and right now.

That everything she is to him, he is to her.

He pulls back to look her in the eyes, to take her hand wearing the rings and to kiss it. She kisses him again hard and that’s all he needs to hoist her over his shoulder, her squealing and laughing, and it’s the best sound in the world as he turns off the stove and the oven, and sweeps her off towards his room.

Towards their room, both of them giddy, drunk on each other, on the idea that they’re in the same place at the same time, happy, healthy, and whole. Together, forever (this time.)

There is nothing in the world I love or will even love a much as I love you.

[illyrian-lover-flower]

You aren’t alone - we are alone together.

Hi, @autophobiaxx - guess what, I had been your secret snowflake🤗. Believe me when I say I had absolutely no idea what awaited me on this project, but i am really happy I got paired up with you and it turned out this way.  

Your answers had always been so helpful and I might just want to pet myself on the shoulder with some lucky guesses I made. Hopefully this project had been for you as fun as for me, because I really enjoyed it. I actually found myself giddy through some days, not able to wait to ask you my next questions.

I do hope you like the first part of your present, the other two will follow soon - you get one on each Christmas holiday day. (That’s the reason why I had asked you to pick a number - you started with number 2. So, 3 will follow tomorrow and 1 after that.)

But now, I wish you a lot of fun - if a bit of my grammar isn’t as well as it should be, feel free to point it out - but please spare me a bit. English sadly isn’t my native language.  

Greetings and definitely until tomorrow😘

Word count ( note not included) : 7. 380 words

________________________________________________________________

It was so long. 

So long since she last saw the Shadowsinger - her heart longing to see him once again as she looked out into the endless sea of stars above of Velaris.  

No glittering light left alone, always a close neighbour that shone with them close by. It was an endless chain so it seemed.  

One that smiled down upon the fae of Velaris, her sister and her mate and even down to her - the lonely seer. That sat with a longing heart night for night, wrapped in a blanket, in front of her wide-open window. Hoping to hear even a silent beat of his mighty wings, hoping to see even a whisp of him seek comfort in the endless sea of dreams and light in the dead of night.  

Perhaps he had always known she was watching, was too shy to show up in the sky which she could see so clearly. Not even the bright light of the always shining city able to taint the dark dome that was stretched above their heads.  

It unsettled her. The seer's guts twisting and churning inside her as her heart made leap for leap, leaving a heavy rumble as it landed each time with the same wish: I want to see Azriel again.  

Elain knew it was selfish of her to think such thoughts, but he was her friend. One that had been by her side since she first stumbled into this new life, showing her how to embrace this new part of the world she hated for so long, explained to her that it was completely fine to not be immediately ok with the ways of this world, but that it was also good to try those new possibilities it gave her from time to time.  

And that she did, the Shadowsinger always an arm's reach away when she did so. A kind reassuring smile a constant companion when she looked up at him, those shining hazel eyes of his seemingly having never strayed from her.  

He was there - always.  

There was no way he would suddenly be gone. Her aching heart not able to believe even a crumb of this thought as she shook her head in disapproval at the night. Standing up on numb legs - for the twentieths evening in a row - from the chunky armchair. Hurt flooding her entire body as this aching wave of hurt crashed down from her heart.  

He would not be there, she felt it, would not be there for Solstice.  

Perhaps she should have asked Feyre of his stay, maybe even Rhys, but then again - these two loved to cloak themselves in silence. Everything that needed to be spoken  only between the two of them, far away from the worried ears of the seer.  

Feyre’s older sister - that was treated like a child.  

A child, perhaps that was who she was, a selfish stubborn, weak child that waited for its friend to arrive, only to be disappointed that he would not attain, would not be there the next morning to celebrate the Solstice with her - leaving her alone in the shadows of  a giant estate, that would this year not brim with happiness during the festivities.  

If she would have wanted to ask Feyre or Rhys it was too late anyway. They were all off already - celebrating Feyre’s birthday and the longest night of the year, under the stars of Winter.  

A great feast that was hosted by Vivianne and Kallias in order to acclaim Viviannes rise to the High lady of the Winter Court, though it was more going to be of a friendly gathering - that Elain had seen, in a vision, and with that she did not want to interfere.  

Her absence could be considered as rude, but her presence wasn’t of any meaning - Nesta was the emissary of the Night Court and she would be there. So, there was no need for the defender of Velaris, to go with them and abandon her duty. Though Feyre had given that title to her out of pity - to make Elain feel more useful.  

Allowing her to go to bed early as the stars continued to shine down in protection on the city, leaving her window wide open this night. The hope, that he would perhaps see her open window and come home, was all she needed to endure the cruel ripping of the cold harsh wind on her curtains in her chamber as she piled blanket for blanket atop of her.  

Trying to let sleep claim her with its soothing blanket.  

Though its blanket was nothing but wild and untamed tonight. Pictures of death and shadows, of chaos and blood infiltrating her mind. In her worry the seer was not able to part these pictures of violence into a vision or simply a nightmare.  

She hoped for the last one – begged for it to be the last one. As she awoke screaming, cold sweat coating her skin like an old friend. It happened so often already in the past, she had hoped these fears would have gone away with the years of peace.  

Yet it left her soaring, her eyes tearing in the darkness as she buried her face into her shacking palms. Letting the impressions behind her inner eye suffocate her - battle screams, bones breaking, cries of hurt heard among the heavy rain that poured down on the battlefield in the woods. Mud coating the already fallen warriors as hundreds of wing pairs peeked up from the carpet of death – Azriel's body lay dead and cold as a yarn of death weaved, among the other fallen warriors, into this endless rug of blood and rotting bodies.  

A silent scream escaping Elain's shivering body as his eyes flooded her mind. Those soft warm eyes, that reminded her so much of the forests she had wandered upon, that never seemed to stray from her and knew when she was upset or needed a shoulder to cry on - were looking lifeless and cold into the face of an enemy he had taken to death with.  

No!  

This could not be the truth!  

Azriel had offered so much in the last few centuries, had shed too much blood and fought too many battles throughout the years. It couldn’t be that the only thing the mother deemed for him as right was bloodshed and war and death.  

Azriel, too, had a loving family with which he deserved to spend time with.  

So, Elain begged the mother, that it simply was a nightmare that ripped sleep away from her. Her uneasiness making it impossible to just fall back asleep again.  

She needed a distraction, something that could bring her thoughts far away from blood and cold lonely nights, in which she feared Azriel would never return.  

‘Stop thinking like that!’ she tried to convince herself ‘Azriel is strong. Very strong - there is no way that he is suddenly going to die in battle. Is there?’

 It was a childish thought; she knew that as she threw a blanket over her shivering shoulders. Elain knew how sudden death could bite someone, no matter how strong the one it chose to claim - after all, even a High Lord can find death in a battle. Rhys had proven that and even though he came back - letting the vibrating song of the living envelop him a lot longer- there were still nights in which she heard Feyre scream.  

Some nights it was the scream from the battlefield Elain had heard. Other nights it was the same screams that ripped from her lungs, whenever she awoke from a nightmare.

Death had sought out her family too many times already. Feyre, Rhysand, her father, Nesta and she herself. Though it had been a human life that would have ceased -for the fae- in the blink of an eye anyway, it was Nesta’s and her life that had been thrown into the cauldron and was ripped away from them.

 Leaving them dead empty in a new world.

In a new world, in which hope had been a rare asset, once they were made. Though Feyre had it, just like Rhys and Cassian, Morrigan and Amren and Azriel. Along with thousands of others that believed in the good and hoped for it to win.

And so, Elain realized, she could hope too - would hope - that he is going to return. Safe and sound.

The snow on the streets and rooftops of Velaris twinkling under the many streetlights like a thousand fallen stars, leading the lost warrior home. The billowing curtains -hopefully- beckoning him to come closer as the two heavy sheets of fabric waved at the night.  

Beckoning him to come closer to his family.  

Any part of his family.

 Elain didn’t care to whom he would find his way, she just hoped he could find this way. Perhaps he already flew towards winter, having long crossed Day and Dawn on his way as he was now to spend some time with his brothers, friends and the female he so loved. Maybe his wings had flown him home to his mother, that awaited him with open arms and a warm smile on her threshold.  

Though there was a selfish wish inside Elain’s worried chest as she moved on silent feet down the winged staircase. Her long cosy gown swishing past her naked feet, like a fluffy cloud of dawn. The cosy cream white blanket atop of her long peachy gown, the last sunrays of the day that caressed the fluffy clouds a last time for the day.  

Sunshine incarnate.

That was what Azriel had once called her - by accident. His cheeks having taken on the same peachy colour as her gown, as she remembered this day with a smile on her lips. How he had rambled apology for apology silently under his breath.  

This selfish wish inside her growing with each minute, as she searched for a distraction from the bloodshed she had seen, only minutes ago.  

Elain Archeron, seer of the Night Court and defender of Velaris, wished for the shadowsinger, the Spymaster of the Night Court, her friend, to come home and see her sunshine glow in the darkness of night.  

She wished for him to be here. Left her window wide open in the hopes of this selfish wish.  

Wandering with a heavy heart, a soft hand placed atop of this traitorous thing as she walked circle for circle in the foyer. Her naked feet silently swashing step for step over the cold marble as a grandfather clock, in the far away corner of the sitting room, called her out of her endless wandering and wondering. Announcing to her the begin of the new day - Solstice - as it struck twelve.  

Finally woken from her trance she saw nothing.

Nothing that came even close to a Solstice decorated house. Garlands - along with the other decorations- stored safely away in the far back of a closet.  

With a huff did Elain start her hunt for the almost exploding cardboard box - the faerie lights all around the house turned on as she dug into closet for closet. 

Only in a little chamber, where she needed to dive through thousands of papers and weapons she found it. Her nightgown and the blanket covered in a veil of dust as she wanted to lift the box triumphally up but let it fall instead, her petite arms not able to hold up all of the heavy weight. Fir branches, garlands, mistletoes, little wooden figures as well as a heavy little wooden box - raining down on her.  

All far older than the things that were normally used, so it seemed, as cobwebs danced down on her. Covering her honey golden hair under a hat of grey nets. A cough escaping her lungs, just before a sneezing fit took over – the whirling dust having played a bit too much with her nose trills.  

With a, for her unlikely, groan did she bent down to pick everything up. Her form slightly shivering in the coldness of the small chamber, even with the heavy blanket around her.  

how could she always be that clumsy? It was a wonder that she hadn’t suddenly tripped in her garden yet. Accidently ripping out all the plants she had planted with such careful hands - that were now dust covered. As she loaded garland for garland, figure for figure into the cardboard box.  

Until she saw a little wooden case - engraved with twines and flowers, so it seemed. A heavy layer of dust hiding the once shiny wood underneath it.  

Who had forgotten it here?

It looked really old and somehow bits of the wood seemed to be worn out - along with the clank on the backside of the musical box. The once shiny metal having taken on the colour of a deep grey.  

Somehow this little box was fascinating her the little rusty lock, that kept the music box tightly shut, seemingly calling for her to open it. A lullaby on its own as she listened into the silence. Her eyes straying ever so often from the little box in her petite hands, searching for the little key that would fit the lock. 

But no matter how hard she searched for it - it was nowhere to be found.  

No paper hid it underneath, no layer of dust cloaked it, the cardboard box also never having swallowed a key. A sigh escaped her lips as she stood up on wobbly feet, tugging the little wooden box carefully away beneath all the fir branches in the carton.  

The way towards the door a fight on its own again as swords, arrows, bows, daggers and papers cluttered her way. Cold steel meeting Elain’s naked feet more than once as her eyes could not see what was underneath the large box in her hands.  

But somehow she managed to move across the room and finally leave it again - no blade having cut her. A dusty hell which she would probably clean later throughout the week. She needed to get the time over anyway.

And with this thought in mind, bloodshed and war long forgotten, she started her magic. Transforming this cold lonely house - within only one hour- into a glittering sea of Solstice decorations.  

She might have been alone and would be for the rest of the week, but that did not mean she couldn’t decorate the house. No one would take the decorations and the cosy feeling of Solstice from her, as she lightened the fireplace. the happy crackling of the fire suddenly reminding her of snaping bones.  

Bones of the Spymaster that ... . No!

She would not go there, would not let her mind wander into these dark parts of her mind again as she tried her hardest to overcome these blood-filled thoughts within the last hour.  

The seer simply needed to distract herself further. There would still be a later time in which she could enjoy watching the flames lick happily at the wood it feasted on -letting warmth embrace her instead of fear.  

And just in case fear wanted to overwhelm her again - she needed some nerve food. The plenty of cookies she wanted to bake this year, somewhere abandoned in the back of her mind. But the thought of searching in her endless messy cook books for a cookie recipe unmotivated her, so Elain decided to go for something easy.  

A recipe she already baked with her mother in the innocent days of her childhood. The smell of freshly baked butter cookies always connected to the cosiest time of the year. Stitched into her mind - just like the recipe itself.  

Already on giddy feet hurrying into the large kitchen, she made a mental list of supplies she needed: butter, sugar, vanilla sugar, flour, an egg, a bowl, a rolling pin ... of course, a baking trey with baking paper and some cookie cutters. 

Perhaps she could find some old chocolate too.

 Even though they tasted - for her at least- almost better without gloss and sprinkles than with them, but Feyre liked those with chocolate gloss - so doing a bit of glazing won't hurt.  

With a giggle on her lips and a grandfather clock in the corner that struck two, she hurriedly turned off all the lights in the house. Baking those divine smelling cookies only under the cosy light of some candles. The scent of cinnamon, oranges, fir trees and freshly baked butter cookies soon enveloping the lonely quiet house. A cold wind from upstairs occasionally getting lost in the kitchen, letting the fire of the candles dance in the dark - deep shadows running along the walls whenever wind and fire danced.  

It made Elain only smile more as she baked trey for trey - tiredness not even a whisper in her body as her thoughts were preoccupied.  

‘I wonder what Az and the others are doing right now.’  

A humourless chuckle escaped her as she rolled the rolling pin further through the next dough. It was past two, either way they were drinking or sleeping.  

And what did she do? Baking butter cookies in the middle of the night, because a wave of nostalgia crashed down on her, a nightmare kept her awake and she felt lonely!

 Just how she always wanted to spent the Solstice, a family festivity without the family she thought she had.  

It hurt to know that. Hurt to know that they were all laughing and celebrating, exchanging presents - while she was stuck here. Perhaps she should have asked if she could come along, but then again - she would have probably ruined it for them.  

Her family seemed to think that they could never speak on normal terms with her. They never knew that she, too, could speak like a normal fae being - not like one that was always stuck in the meeting of some lords or ladies, a stick shoved up her ass.

“Holly mother!” she groaned as Elain rubbed tiredly at her eyes, maybe she just wanted to get rid of the tears that started to whelm up there. Her heart having finally taken enough hurt and damage as she crumbled - just like the butter cookie she shoved into her mouth.  

Alone - that was what she was. Always meant to be left behind - protected- like they liked to call it, but the seer couldn’t take the isolation anymore. Each tear that ran down her cheeks, a butter cookie she ate.

 Some were still too hot, but she didn’t feel it as she stood at the floured kitchen counter and stole cookie for cookie from the treys. Those sweet little stars, hearts and smiley cookies the only things that comforted her, as she braced her arms next to a half-eaten trey. Her streaming tears luckily only hitting the empty part of the counter top - she didn’t want the cookies to become mushy, but then again - next to her - who would eat them?  

‘Snap out of it!’ was all Elain could repeat over and over again in her mind. Deep shivering breaths shattering her lungs while she did so. This wave of hurt from perhaps, two, three hours ago, burying her deep in the tides once again.  

She had overcome this already once she could do it again, tried Elain to convince herself, but there was this dark feeling inside her - that mocked her, laughed at her, pulled her always back down into the raging tides of her mind - each time a bit deeper.  

It was this dark mocking voice inside her that spoke as she opened her tightly shut eyes again, those emotionless eyes having once again returned to her as she eyed one of the butter cookies “What am I doing here?”  

And just as she thought the bells of the grandfather clock had drowned her out, there was this deep voice that rumbled along the dark gongs.  

“That I’d like to know too.” it was a mere whisper of silence, but never would her pointed ears overhear his raven voice. Her head snapping immediately up to meet his confused hazel eyes. They looked paler, but at the same time more awake than ever as they found her widened ones.

 A breathless choke escaping her as she saw him standing there in the doorway - wings tightly closed behind him, a black tunic stretching over his broad chest and shadows dancing behind him. 

Completely unharmed -just a bit dishevelled- his hair more tousled and a light stubble spread over his sculpted cheeks, but he was fine.  

Completely unharmed.

The seer couldn’t contain her happiness as Azriel voice had pulled her out of her trance - a wave of relief flooding her as she stormed around the kitchen counters and jumped right into his arms. 

One of her cookie crumble smeared cheeks was pressed against his warm chest, spreading crumbs on the clean black fabric while her ears listened to the calm thrumming of his heartbeat - a sniffle escaping her as she looked, through a tear cloaked vision, up at him. 

A genuine wide smile stretching across her cheeks, as he looked down on her.  

Azriel looked baffled at first, but a shy little smile spread on his lips too, once he heard Elain’s hoarse voice. “You are finally home again.” “I am finally home again, yes and thank you very much for the open window.” The seer couldn’t contain herself, couldn’t think about any consequences as she hugged him even tighter.  

Azriel. Azriel. Azriel.

Her mind chanted his name over and over again. A warm feeling sprouting once again in her heart as he softly whipped away cookie crumb for cookie crumb on her cheeks - those scarred hands of his as gentle as any feather - as she silently laughed at him through streaming tears; “Please, Az, never do that again. Promise me, please.”  

“What shall I never do again?” a puzzled look crossed his features as his thumb stopped abruptly its whipping, before realization dawned on him - though it was the wrong one as he tried to pull his hands away - already searching for an apology. 

But Elain wouldn’t have this tonight. And so, she lifted her own hands and laid them carefully atop of his - pressing these warm palms of him back onto her salty cheeks, a fierce look in her teared eyes as his searched hers for answers.  

“Please, Az, never again - you hear me - never again stay away from me for almost a whole month without at least a little note. Please, I was worried sick.”  

He nodded, even though there was confusion written across his face as his brows furrowed, before he spoke. The ravenous sound of his voice finally caressing her ears again “I had left you a message though.”  

“Really?” The Spymaster nodded curtly as his face turned firm. 

Those sinful lips of his pressed into a thin line while he held onto her petite body. His shadows turning slightly wilder as they seemed to roll off of him in waves - a sign that he was trying to hide his rage. Elain had noticed that a long time ago, that he seemed to hide in his shadows once he was close to showing too many emotions - it was a way to keep him safe.

 But worry still piled in the seers' stomach as she looked up at him - had a mission gone wrong that he needed to report? 

“Where are the others?” he suddenly asked, his voice pressed, as this cold voice hissed in laughter at her again.  

Wasn’t it obvious that he came for them? Not for a crippled thing like you! It hissed at her, eating up all her hope and what was left of her to make her happy - the smile she put on now not the genuine one she shared with him. 

It was the same emotionless grimace she put on when she first tried to be fae. Her voice sounding even to her empty.  

“They are in Winter. I’d thought you already knew that they were going to celebrate Solstice and Feyre’s birthday this year there. Vivianne and Kallias are also going to celebrate Viviannes rise to the High Lady of the Winter Court with them.”  

Hurt suddenly flashed through Azriel’s eyes - most likely at the sound of her voice. He needed to swallow hard. It looked like he had trouble to deal with the information's - while Elain had trouble to deal with all the questions swirling around in her mind.  

“I am so sorry Elain.” “For what?”  

Azriel breathed in deep through his nose, before he pulled her - in the flash of a second- into the soothing veil of shadows around him. Crashing her face once more into his chest as quiet whispers surrounded her - one of them was his voice; “I left a message to Rhys, Feyre, Mor and Cassian - I even left a letter, that said I would be gone for at least the next month -perhaps even longer- at both of their desks.”  

Betrayal, hurt, it all clashed through her as she heard these words. He trusted them all - just not her! He -  

“El, please hear me out before you judge.”  

A firm nod was all she could give him.  

“I had asked them to tell you, that you don’t need to worry. I just wanted to clear my head off a bit, ...” Long silence enveloped them before he - for once- broke the silence, the shadows almost drowning out his whispered words “... I wouldn’t have been able to go once I would have seen your worry, your sadness, but I couldn’t stay either. Couldn’t endure to be around her when I hadn’t figured out yet what she is to me. So, I had asked them to tell you -had hoped they would- but apparently ...”  

The rumble she felt in his chest as he growled the last part could have competed with one of the heaviest thunderstorms in the mortal realms - he would surely leave just as much damage in his rage.

He trusted them and they -somehow-  betrayed this trust of his. Hopefully they would have a good excuse for this, she thought as Elain hugged her Shadowsinger tighter. This wonderful, insane driving scent of his coating and enveloping her like a coat again -the cosiest cloak she ever wore.  

“It’s fine now. You are home again. Safe and sound – that is what matters.”  

This time he was the one that could only nod. His eyes hidden somewhere above of her as she was still pressed into his warmth. “Do you perhaps need help with those cookies of yours?”

Elain's giggle -that washed through his body like a wildfire- was all he needed to smile. Her shining eyes finding him once she had wrestled herself free. “With eating them, yes. But I can do the cleaning alone, maybe you could search for a blanket. Feyre always seems to hide the cosiest ones mother knows where.”

A dark chuckle rumbled through the house as they both began their tasks in silence. “Are you sure that it’s Feyre who hides them and not Amren?” “I could bet a cookie trey on that!”  

Needless to say - she lost that cookie trey.  

The kitchen starting to look normal again, while Azriel had found a cosy blanket - large enough for the two of them - hers from before abandoned somewhere on the couch.

 A silky short black hair peeking out from the folds of the blanket. This victorious smirk on his lips so insufferable and yet beautiful, that she could not help herself as to groan silently – while he placed two glasses of wine on the small side table. Already tugged in under the blanket.  

Azriel laughed as he saw how Elain balanced ten fully packed boxes of butter cookies into the room - handing one to him: “Your won trey of cookies.”, letting the others practically fall onto the wooden table as she grabbed her glass of wine and snuggled under the blanket too.  

His warmth, the warmth of the fire and the blanket enveloping her as he carefully lay one wing over the sofa lean - pulling Elain in tighter ever so softly.  

A feeling of peace washing through her while they watched the flames dance. The shadows to their feet occasionally twitching up to them, to inform their master of the safety they were in – never leaving before brushing the cheek of the seer, that stuffed herself with butter cookies again.  

Nursing already the second glass of wine, her eyelids grew heavier and heavier – her spinning head slowly sliding from his shoulder – sleep finally seemed to claim her.

Those golden curls of hers soon spilling in his lap, as she fell onto it sleepily – the glass somehow still safely in her hand, before it was taken from her.  

A soft feeling suddenly stroking her head in lazy movements - making her want to purr like a cat. She didn’t precisely start to purr, but she couldn’t resist to nuzzle closer into the soft touch of his hands.  

Azriel’s soft hands that were always in reach for her, that always were so gentle with her. His touch  -even if it just was a whisper of it- leaving her skin, her blood, her heart alight. This wildfire burning and yet somehow saving her. 

Elain was never sure of what to think of this wildfire inside her  whenever he was near, but never too close. Now she thought she knew what it was, this burning flame longing for him.  

Longing for his attention, his words, his touch – his love.  

And somehow, she thought, she had found it all tonight as she was nuzzled into him. This burning untamed and twisting fire suddenly turning into a cosy little ball of sunshine that warmed her skin and her heart, like the sun rays in the days of Spring and Summer did.

It was like coming home – or in her case having home come to her.  

Her mind finally catching up to her heart, to finally understand those feelings. Those softly blooming feelings, that would stay in an eternal Spring.  

“Az?” she suddenly asked. Her eyes closed softly as her smiling face was turned to him, his hands – thank the mother- still buried in her mass of hair. “Hm?”  

“Can I ask you something personal?”  

He hesitated for a moment, before he nodded. Though her heart ached and her throat was desert dry, she needed to ask him, needed to know. “Who did you mean when you said you couldn’t be around her?”  

“Morrigan.”  

“Why that? Has she done something bad, did she hurt you?”  

“Not really El, it’s just – somehow she helped me realize something and I wasn’t able to deal with it as well as I thought.”  

To say Elain was never more curious than now would have been a lie. She was always curious when it came to the shadowsinger, but as the tension flooded her  – curiosity never felt heavier than now. 

Her wondering eyes opening slowly to see his far away gaze fixed on a strand of fire that danced along a log.  

Tension resting on his shoulders as he looked stiff like a stone. The silence pushing down on them as neither dared to speak, the heavy gong of the grandfather clock suddenly awakening them from their daydreams.

A yelp escaped Elain as she flinched at the sound, an uneasy feeling waking up her entire body again. Gravity pulling at her gown as soon as she was fully woken and struggled to get a hold on the warrior. The soft rug in front of the couch luckily cushioning the fall a bit, though it didn’t prevent the cookie boxes to fall down on her.  

A silent,almost drowned out clicking landing next to her ear.  

For a moment she sat there, lay there, with baffled eyes between the small space of couch and table. A loud laugh erupting from her as soon as she realized her situation, the heavy rumble of Azriel’s ravenous chuckle joining hers until he noticed the small high-pitched noise – that played to his feet.  

A furrow settling between his thick eyebrows. 

“El, are you alright?” With a huff she took the scarred hand of the shadowsinger-her love- and pulled herself up again.  

The tasty baked goods laying forgotten and cracked in the boxes on the floor. Just not the little music box – which the shadowsinger picked up with great interest as something dawned in his eyes.

Recognition – Elain realized with wonderous eyes. Her petite curious form taking up the space next to him again

It was his music box!  

“Azriel are you alright?”  

He could only turn his  -so incredibly- happy face to her. Those hazel eyes of his almost drowning in tears as he looked like a little kid on Solstice that had received the present of his dreams. Holding it in his shaking scarred hands like a sacred treasure.  

Elain always knew Azriel was never a male of many words, but as he lay the delicate box in his lap and crashed her entire being with one hug – she was never more amazed than now.  Warmth spreading through her. Elains bones and her very blood singing of the feelings that were weaved into her being.

Home.  

She thought again. Azriel was her home – even though he might not have realized it yet, she would gladly wait for him to see -perhaps- home in her one-day too. But maybe he already did that.  

The fire his body gave over to hers, more than just his body heat. There was so much in this hug, as his face was buried in her shoulder. Tears dripping down on the pale skin of her shoulder as she carefully hugged him too. 

Those soft feelings of her’s hopefuly showing him everything her heart could offer. 

A sniffle of him, pulling them apart. The question of why he hugged her, of why he cried – lost on the tip of her tongue as he beat her to it.  

“This music box, it belonged to my mother.”he fumbled for something around his neck, pulling at a long black bond – to which a little rusted key was attached. Fitting perfectly inside the lock.  

A beautiful little melody beginning to play as soon as he turned the crank a few times, soft petals of a delicate Violet opening as it took slow turns - amazement written across Elain’s face.  

Azriel only smiled at it. The story behind the little music box wrestling itself free.  

“It belonged to my mother. She gave it to me when I was dropped into Windhaven – it was next to the clothes I had on me the only thing I possessed. She gave it to me, telling me: ‘As long as this melody plays, there is hope that we will live one day in freedom.’  And I believed her – turning the crank each night before I went to bed and each morning before I went to training.”

A low chuckle rumbled through him “When Rhysand’s mother picked me up and gave most of her attention to me, instead of Rhys and Cass – they weren’t the fondest of me. And when they found out about the music box - they took it from me. 

Rhys words echoed still for many months in my head: ‘Isn’t the attention of my mother good enough for you or why are you always listening to this baby toy?’. Back then, when they took it, I had not let a single word slip from my lips for the next two months as I plotted out how I could make them give it back to me, but soon after these months of silence did my mother come free.  

She had earned her freedom again, while I still fought for mine. But I was so incredibly happy, that I had lost thought to the music box. Only when my mother had asked me four centuries ago if I still had it – I remembered it again. Guilt had filled my guts as I told her I had lost it, but she only smiled and told me, once I had it I should not keep it.”

Azriel’s eyes never strayed from the frayed wood as a deep chuckle erupted from him, a barely audible whisper following “I hadn’t known what she meant back then, but now I do.” Before he turned to Elain. 

Telling her the last parts of this story with such sincerity, that the pure look of his eyes into hers, had her warm and cosy. Her insides carving to be with him, to just hug him, but she wanted to see him tell this story. Did not want to miss one of his loving gazes, so this had to do – her hands softly cupping his as they held and listened to the music together.  

“Even though it confused me that I should give it away - I still asked Rhys where they hid it, but he didn’t remember. I remember that all three of us Cassian, Rhys and I, had turned the hut in the mountains, in Windhaven and the town house in Velaris upside down. No one of us even heard a tiny tone of the melody and eventually gave up on it – they did at least. Somehow, I was never able to lose hope –probably an echo of the melody that still played in my ears.”

Soft chuckles escaped him a final time before he closed the lid, put the tiny key with the black leather bond atop of it and carefully lay it into Elain’s hands, wonder lacing her gaze as she looked down at it.  

Azriel’s next innocent words held so much meaning, yet he only whispered them. Shy hazel eyes boring into her tearing doe ones.  

“Elain Archeron, I am so incredibly thankful you found it for me. Though it doesn't come close to the feeling of happiness and joy that erupts inside of my chest whenever I see you. Your voice alone a lullaby to me. One that calms me, sooths me and somehow always manages to be there for me when I need you. A friend.”

A sudden pang of hurt crossed her heart, but she smiled nonetheless. If she could make Azriel  happy as a friend, she would be happy too – would take joy in seeing him happy for the rest of eternity. Even though her traitorous heart started just tonight to hope for his love. Hoped that those scarred palms of his would hold and nurse her heart for the next millennia's – until the mother decided it was time for the seer to go.  

“So, I thought.” he suddenly said. Snapping her out of her cruel train of thoughts. Capturing her eyes- her attention- once again.  

“I had always thought you were a friend, had always thought the safety, the lightness I felt around you was the same with my brothers. I had for more than five centuries believed love was supposed to be a burning thing – one that burned and feasted upon feelings until one day nothing but ashes were left, but you proved me wrong. Made me realize what love is.”  

Elain was speechless, her eyes having long brimmed over with tears as she held the little box in shaking palms.

 Her heart realizing what it meant to him, what he gave her.  

His heart. He gifted her his heart.  

Those scarred hands, having placed it shyly in her hands – while they now whipped her tears away again. Her heart beating so unbelievably fast as he placed his forehead softly atop of hers. “When Mor sought me out at the beginning of the month – I think I already started to realize that my heart had long fallen for you, that I had fallen for you. Mor came to tell me about her preferences of females and in all honesty it didn’t really hurt.”  

Elain nodded. One week after Azriel was gone the golden female had it declared officially. The seer had always respected the Morrigan, though on that evening she had been slightly angry with her – thinking she chose to tell this then when the one that effected it the most wasn’t there. The fact that Elain now found out that she had sought him out a week earlier already – made her feel guilty.  

She hadn’t known that. But she came to realize something. “You had left to get your thoughts sorted out.” Azriel only nodded.  

“These twenty days I had spent away from you made me realize the longing I felt. The longing to be close to your heart.”  

Elain only smiled at him.

 Her tear-stained vision seeing him. Seeing how the reflections of orange and red danced in those soft black hairs of his, every vein in his wings seeable as the fire shone through it. Her eyes, so it seemed, able to see his wildly beating heart when she gave him back the box.  

His form grew stiff as he held the old wood back in his hands, but Elain kept the key.  

The key to his heart.

 And he understood. A blinding smile erupting on his face as he took the box back. Elain’s sheepish voice a mere whisper when she asked him: “Is it selfish of me – to want to be the key to your heart?”  

Azriel didn’t answer that, not with words at least as his lips crashed hers. 

Joy and happiness claiming him, making him act before thinking of the consequences. Though, he thought with a smile, as Elain’s lips pillowed his: I will verry much enjoy these consequences.  

But there were no consequences. All he got was Elain’s unbelievably big heart – that beat in the same thumping rhythm as his as their chests were pressed together. 

Elain’s petite body laying atop of his as her love completely overwhelmed him. The realization of that had her giggling into the kiss, until they broke apart. Heavy breaths fanning over each other's lips as they gaped for air. Elain fully bursting out laughing once she realized what she did.  

Her bell like laugh echoing throughout the house, like a warm breeze of wind in summer as she hugged the shadowsinger – her shadowsinger.  

Those pointed ears – which she had cursed for so long- listening to the song of his heartbeat while his scarred hands – to which she gave so much admiration – drew calming circles on her back as they lay on the couch.  

The fire crackling, the cookies and the wine abandoned and the music box and the key safely put aside on the table. Their souls finally having found the way together as their hearts were finally able to embrace the other fully.  

Their heated lips finding purchase on those on the other one ever so often as they showered in silent kisses on the eyebrow, the forehead, the nose, the cheek, the hands – leaving the skin of each other alight with every wet kiss.  

Trust, love, adoration and so many other emotions weaved into the air between them as they fell asleep at the struck of five – not even the loud gong of the grandfather clock able to pull them apart from their little world.  

Perhaps, they thought, it was good that their family wasn’t home – like that there was no need to be silent.

And neither was.

The house having long brimmed over with love as each of their family members came back. Standing baffled in the foyer as they watched sunshine and shadows dance, or rather chase. A play of tag having erupted between the two, while giggles and chuckles flooded the house.

Only a coughing fit of Cassian was able to make them look at their family. Mor and Amren smirking at what they  was displayed infront of them, while Rhys and Feyre were left speechless. Nesta looked like as if she either wanted to stab Az or puke on the floor at the sweet silliness with which they chased each other.  

All of them having witnessed the shower of kisses in which Elain drowned Azriel  as she got him. Though he did not seem to mind. Her lips still pressed against his cheek as they were caught.  

But before even one of them could speak up – Azriel glared at them all and winnowed away together with his love.  

_____________________________________________________________

I hope you all enjoyed that one. Though I do admit it had hurt a bit to portray Rhys as such an a-hole. 

But I needed someone that was close to Az and could play a meaner rolle and since we all know that both, Cass and Rhys, had troubles to get along with Az at first I chose Rhys, because he could winnnow stuff away. 

Anyway, here is a small hint for tomorrows fic:Something little comes around ;)

Taglist: @heirofthrnightcourt004​