#it feels like it's easiest to project the more memorable and defining moments into the past 5yrs though...as if they're a lot more recent

[payasitas]

took 30pts of psychic damage today in visiting my old online stomping grounds

[recordsshmecords]

THE 50 GREATEST ALBUMS OF 2017 (PART ONE OF TWO)

The whole year of 2017 was a cluster fuck. Be it politics, media or our own social standing, 2017 was the year most would like to forget. Throughout the year though, quality music releases popped up to remind us that all of the bullshit is indeed, bullshit. When listening to music this year, I wanted to hear music that transported me out of reality or music that challenged listeners to think deeply about the events around them. Music in 2017 was a catharsis, and these are the albums that represented the very best escapism possible. Picking 50 of my favorite albums of the year was almost impossible, but the albums presented struck a chord with me in one way or another. These are my choices for the 50 best albums of the year. (Part one of two, of course).

50. Bicep – Bicep

Hailing from Northern Ireland, the electronic duo Bicep quietly wormed their way into minds with this stunning self-titled debut. On paper, there isn’t much to this album that we haven’t seen before: low-key house music and subtle shifts to carry the entire album. But what makes Bicep stand out is the way the whole album buries itself deep in the subconscious mind. At first, I felt this album was decent, but unspectacular. But even after one listen, I had various effects from every track stuck in my head for weeks. Bicep is so low-key that you might miss the intricate electronics on display, but the album is seemingly designed to get in your head whether you want it to or not.

49. Majid Jordan – The Space Between

As one of the many to be affiliated with Drake’s OVO Sound label, R&B duo Majid Jordan displayed promise on their debut self-titled album in 2016. A promise left initially unfulfilled, but one capitalized here on their sophomore album The Space Between. Sure, there’s the obvious Drake influence here, but Majid Jordan find a surprising balance between full-blown pop and the moody R&B that has defined the Toronto sound for years. As writers for one of Drake’s biggest hits, “Hold On We’re Going Home,” Majid Jordan finally capitalize on their potential with a set of atmospheric, immaculately crafted R&B.

48. Julien Baker – Turn On the Lights

On Julien Baker’s second album Turn On the Lights, the singer-songwriter grapples with the bleakest of themes. Shaken faith and anxiety fuel the album’s 11 tracks, all of which are stripped down to the bare essentials to allow Baker to to be at the forefront of each track. Turn On the Lights is a moody piece as songs gradually build a surprising amount of tension throughout the runtime. I was genuinely surprised to get lost in Baker’s haunting narrative, as if she was singing directly into my soul. This is an album of questioning, one that feels real because it taps into anyone’s fear of the world around them. Turn On the Lights may not be the easiest listen for some, but for those with patience and the desire to ask the existential questions, this is the perfect reflective album.

47. The War on Drugs – A Deeper Understanding

With their previous album Lost in the Dream, The War on Drugs finally made their way to a bigger audience. Drenched in Springsteen-inspired Americana, the album was full of epic hits that were seemingly pulled straight out of the 1980s. A Deeper Understanding continues what made that album so great in the first place, doubling down on the layered production and epic feels that made Lost in the Dream so great. If this new album isn’t quite the masterpiece the last album was, it’s only because it’s more of a refinement instead of an originator. No matter, A Deeper Understanding is a great follow-up and an indicator that this band is only now getting started.

46. Gorillaz - Humanz

For all the hubbub of a new Gorillaz project from Damon Albarn, Humanz is a surprisingly scattershot record that managed to alienate a number of fans. No matter, Humanz still sees the Gorillaz in the familiar twisted-pop frame as before. The D.R.A.M featuring “Andromeda” could bring the whole club down, but Humanz is at its most provocative with tracks like “Ascension”, featuring a politically charged performance from Vince Staples. With aggressive beats propelling the whole album, there’s a politically charged message here, but one that greatly benefits from the trademark kinetic eccentricity of the Gorillaz.

45. Arca - Arca

I can’t say I’ve been a fan of Venezuela producer Arca’s previous two records. These albums were critically acclaimed across the board, enough so that he’s been getting producer credits from various projects and artists. Personally, I found the music more aimless than it needed to be; abstract electronics with no real emotional core to them. However, Arca’s third and self-titled album is fucking great.

With an increased vocal presence among the eccentric productions, Arca displays an emotional center that greatly improves his abrasive electronics. Arca is an album of personal reflection, one that takes shape with its abstract beauty and never winds down. Easily the best album in Arca’s catalog, this self-titled album finally gives him a platform that even his past critics can’t fault.

44. Rezz – Mass Manipulation

In the world of festival-ready EDM, innovation has taken a backseat to instant bangers, the kind of songs that provide a visceral thrill without any lasting impact. Rezz’s debut album Mass Manipulation provides the requisite bangers, but there’s a creative spark that carries the album beyond a quick adrenaline shot.

Mass Manipulation isn’t a total genre reinvention, but the willingness to experiment with genre conventions gives Rezz a one-up on her contemporaries. Short and sweet, Mass Manipulation descends into odd, sometimes psychedelic territories without sacrificing the bangers. And really, who thought there was any gas left for albums in this genre? A good one is a cause for celebration.

43. Kelela – Take Me Apart

As one of the years’ freshest voices, Kelela’s debut album Take Me Apart might be the sexiest album of 2017. Not in the manner that every song features a frank discussion about the biznizz, but more in a way that washes over you in a soothing manner. Take Me Apart shifts gears and presents itself as a document of a flawed woman, basking in her imperfections and reflecting the ups and downs of love better than most albums in 2017.

Kelela is confident in her tone throughout Take Me Apart, but she never deviates from a subtle singing tone that makes the album a bit of a slow burn, expanding into heavier territory to match cathartic revelations. Take Me Apart might fall into the conventions of electronic R&B, but the results are so seductive and revealing that it begs for repeat listens to dissect every emotional intricacy.

42. Migos – Culture

Migos dominated 2017. The trio of Quavo, Offset and Takeoff managed to climb their way into the public consciousness with Culture, the debut studio album that wasn’t supposed to be this good. It’s hard to consider now, but Migos were looking to fall into obscurity, only reaching a select audience and never making it abundantly clear what the endgame was. However, from the moment the first track begins, Culture reveals Migos as a rap trio meant for the big leagues.

Culture is the culmination of everything trap music has been leading to, solidifying the genre’s ground in the mainstream. Artists like Future or Chief Keef brought this particular rap music to the mainstream, but no other artist created respect from all angles quite like Migos did. With Culture 2 slated for release in 2018 and each member joining various collab projects, the Migos domination doesn’t look to end anytime soon.

41. St. Vincent – Masseduction

Every St. Vincent album has a theme and if her 2014 self-titled masterpiece was the artsy world builder, Masseducation is the more intimate and personal record in her discography. While this new album can’t quite reach the highs of that previous record, it’s still a fantastically weird and entertaining look at one of the most exciting artists in music.

More than any of St. Vincent’s albums, Masseduction feels like the culmination of a varied career as songs branch into every style St. Vincent has dabbled in; songs go from electronic pop to psychedelic rock at a moments notice. St. Vincent juggles so many concepts on Masseduction that the results are most certainly overwhelming, but it’s never less than engrossing throughout.

40. Father John Misty – Pure Comedy

Josh Tillman has become one of the most respected musicians for simply being a satiric asshole. Maybe just an asshole, but as Father John Misty, Tillman explores endless social topics with a wink and a nudge around every corner. Pure Comedy, Tillman’s third album as Father John Misty, continues this tradition over the course of an epic, hour-plus runtime. While lengthy, Pure Comedy wastes no time getting to the best aspects of the Father John Misty legend.

Pure Comedy is unfortunately a more unwieldy beast than Tilllman’s career best, I Love You, Honeybear. But while Pure Comedy is a more challenging record, Tillman remains ever satiric, touching on themes of social interaction, politics and love with the same middle finger we’ve always enjoyed. At this point, it’s hard to knock Father John Misty for anything other than predictability, but the biting lyrics emphasize a man with a lot on his mind and a big middle finger towards all of it.  

39. Sylvan Esso – What Now

Electronic-pop duo Sylvan Esso first broke onto the scene in 2014 with a self-titled debut that was decent enough but far from memorable. They seemed destined to follow the route of an indie-electronic artist following trends that had already faded. There were good ideas, but it didn’t seem like there was room for any more artists of their type. Surprisingly, the duo’s 2017 follow-up What Now improves on everything the band had tried before.

On What Now, Sylvan Esso’s songs sound better and feature a bevy of catchy hooks. It’s a fun record, full of folk-pop littered from beginning to end with odd electronic flourishes. If the duos first album wasn’t your favorite, definitely give What Now a listen. It’s a whole hell of a lot more fun and displays more ambition than this duo initially displayed.  

38. Kesha – Rainbow

Who would have thought the woman behind “Tic Tok” would drop one of the most relevant albums of 2017? In a year where sexual assault allegations dominated the headlines, Kesha’s sexual assault accusations against producer Dr. Luke in 2014 an unfortunate precursor. While the case was dismissed in 2016, Kesha’s cries for justice were later echoed by a plethora of celebrities across a multitude of platforms. Kesha’s shocking allegations had a profound effect on her, something immediately evident on her third album Rainbow.

Deviating from the shallow club music of previous albums, Kesha sounds like a completely revitalized artist, dabbling in country, rock and soul music throughout. There’s more talent on display here than Kesha had ever exhibited before, a response to the horrific legal battle that preluded the album’s release. Kesha stands defiantly on Rainbow, singing from a place of newfound wisdom and perspective as she rallies against those who wronged her not only as a woman, but as a human being.

37. Arcade Fire – Everything Now

Easily one of the most divisive albums of 2017, Arcade Fire’s Everything Now pushed the band further into the alternative dance-rock style that was first introduced on their previous record, Reflektor. But while that album was bogged down by filler and an excruciating run-time, Everything Now delivers a quick burst of indie-pop centered on the dangers of a world dominated by mass media. Even as the most scattered in the band’s discography, Everything Now is a poignant reflection of our modernized culture.

Arcade Fire have always concerned themselves with societal issues in their music and here, it’s a concern that’s brought out through the ABBA-inspired title track, or by the fuzzy electronics of “Creature Comfort.” It’s easy to knock Everything Now as this is no Funeral, The Suburbs, or even Neon Bible. But as the next chapter in the band’s reinvention, Everything Now displays a band unafraid to take risks, exploring concepts that make us look at ourselves in a different light.

36. Mount Eerie – A Crow Looked At Me

Death is the only inevitable thing in life. It’s the crushing weight of knowing this that can lead to the most cathartic moments in music. After the passing of his wife in 2016, Phil Elverum took a needed year off to grieve and returned to his Mount Eerie project with A Crow Looked At Me. His eighth studio album, A Crow Looked At Me is one of the heaviest meditations on death ever put to record.

A Crow Looked At Me is not an easy listen. Stripped down to the bare essentials, Elverum takes center stage on the album with only his guitar in hand and the words of a man coming to terms with death in the harshest of moments. A Crow Looked At Me might not be the album to test your new subwoofer out with, but it’s one of the realest and deeply felt albums of the year.  This is the kind of album the power to bury itself deep into the soul of anyone who has experienced any sort of death life.

35. Open Mike Eagle – Brick Body Kids Still Daydream

As the sixth album from Open Mike Eagle, aka Michael W. Eagle II, Brick Body Kids Still Daydream stands tall as the rappers’ best work to date. It’s also the timeliest. A concept album centered around a housing project in Chicago, Open Mike Eagle tells the stories of the people and the interactions within the neighborhood to give the impression of a lived-in place. Brick Body Kids Still Daydream doesn’t examine racism by focusing on harsh realities or reinforcing the violence around such realities.

Instead of centering on heartbreaking anecdotes, Open Mike Eagle simply raps his observations of everyday life in the projects. It’s a poetic and lyrical achievement, bringing to light stories that aren’t portrayed on the media and giving credit to the beauty still found within less desirable conditions. Brick Body Kids Still Daydream functions as a snapshot of a place tarnished by media perception as the day-to-day lives continue with startling beauty.

34. Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings – Soul Of A Woman

The death of Sharon Jones at the end of 2016 wasn’t just a blow to rest of the members of The Dap Kings, it was a blow to the entire music industry. Jones achieved success relatively late in life with her breakout performance coming from the 2014 album Give Them What They Want. The album was a Grammy award winning hit that catapulted Jones’ soulful ferocity into a new spotlight. Her final album with The Dap Kings before her death, Soul Of A Woman stands as a testament to the woman Jones’ always was: a ferocious presence in music that demanded attention.

Jones carries every song on Soul Of A Woman with a snappy soul that’s impossible to recreate. It’s her presence on Soul Of A Woman that reminds the listener of everything this woman was capable of. The album sounds nostalgic, but completely fitting with the times. Maybe it has something to do with how delightful the whole thing can be, even with the death of Jones looming over it. It may not be a total game changer of an album, but with Jones and The Dap Kings at their absolute best, Soul Of A Woman serves as a fitting conclusion to a spectacular life.

33. Spoon – Hot Thoughts

Nine albums in, it was safe to assume Spoon would slip up.  After all, the indie-rock band had become synonymous with the genre, gaining a feverish following with albums like Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga and Kill the Moonlight considered classics by fans and critics alike. The thing is, their worst album is still damn good and Spoon’s discography has gone without a ding in sight. Hot Thoughts is not the best Spoon album, but it’s a fantastic albu that continues one of the hottest streaks in music.

Rather than playing it safe, Hot Thoughts sees Spoon experimenting with a heavier emphasis on electronics throughout. It’s a move that makes the album their most accessible yet, but it also allows for the group to try out new dynamics while keeping the band’s spirit in tack. Hot Thoughts is another great Spoon album and though that might not be enough for some, most should be pleased with this addition to a stellar discography.

32. SZA - Ctrl

As the sole female member of Top Dawg Entertainment, the same house as Kendrick Lamar and ScHoolboy Q, SZA has taken her time to stand out among the group. Her EPs, while solid and well received, didn’t help her garner nearly the level of attention her label mates were receiving. Well, turns out she was quietly waiting to drop the bomb of her debut studio album Ctrl.

Ctrl is a phenomenal record, full of complex characterizations that hadn’t been expected from SZA until now. It’s an album about the intricacies of love, one that fuses soul music with the hip-hop sensibilities straight out of the TDE playbook. With Ctrl, SZA establishes herself as a heavyweight among her peers, but the album also continues the label’s incredible hot streak with finding incredible talent capable of dropping instant hits.

31. Broken Social Scene – Hug of Thunder

For the seemingly endless array of artists involved in Broken Social Scene, the group have consistently entertained with cohesive, epic indie-rock albums that never crumble under the densely packed songs. Seven years removed from their previous album Forgiveness Rock Record, it seemed like the weight of getting so many artists together for a record was next to impossible. Thankfully, Hug of Thunder is up to the challenge of continuing the band’s fantastic track record. 

Hug of Thunder surprises by bringing back a majority of the original band members, but surprises even more by being a fucking great rock record. Full of emotion and soaring crescendos, Hug of Thunder is Broken Social Scene at their most comfortable, and while it is a relatively safe record, it’s also an immensely well-executed one. On almost their second decade, Broken Social Scene continue to prove their vision time and time again. Amazing considering it’s the vision of over 20 musicians.

30. Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory

While Summertime ’06 was a telling and often violent meditation of his past, Vince Staples’ debut studio album was unsatisfying. The lyrics were great and the production was fine, but Staples displayed a far more interesting version of himself on the preluding EP, Hell Can Wait. By experimenting with hip-hop conventions, Vince Staples sounded more crucial than ever. Summertime ’06 seemed content with following the debut studio album checklist.

Big Fish Theory is by far the most radical change the rapper has dropped on us yet. Instead of the usual rap tropes, Vince Staples dropped an album of ferocious raps delivered over club beats too fucked up for the club. Big Fish Theory takes seemingly danceable club bangers and flips them into visceral vignettes too abstract for the club. But underneath the bizarre production lies Vince Staples with a lyrical ferocity that demands attention. It might not be the album some were expecting, but it’s Vince’s wildest statement yet. 

29. Washed Out – Mister Mellow

The era of chillwave dominance has long since passed, but don’t tell that to Ernest Greene, the man behind Washed Out. Mister Mellow, the third official studio album from the chillwave pioneer, delivers the expectations of the genre’s low-fi pop and then some. Featuring a new obsession in sample based production, Greene orchestrates a breezy, enjoyable listen that’s primed for a stoned Saturday afternoon.

Mister Mellow doubles as a visual album and becomes a compelling psychedelic experience when paired with the accompanied visuals. It’s an album of few faces. This is a chillwave artist after all, so the results are bound to be breezier than they are complex. But it’s the song craft and a loving embrace for all things retro that elevates Mister Mellow above any Washed Out project yet. There’s so much to enjoy on Mister Mellow and nothing that demands anything more than to listen and relax.

28. Charlotte Gainsbourg - Rest

As an actress who has appeared in art-house fare like Nymphomaniac and Antichrist, Charlotte Gainsbourg has somehow carved a unique voice for herself in the music industry. Her fifth album Rest may be sung in more French than most English-speaking audiences would be interested in, but the themes of loss and addiction are driven in with shocking emotional precision.

There’s pain in Gainsbourg’s voice across the 11-tracks of organic and electronic pop. Rest surprises by simply how much fun the album can be, but that doesn’t mean heavy emotions aren’t delivered with a sucker punch to the gut. Something like this shouldn’t be made by someone who acts for a living, but Rest truly makes it clear Charlotte Gainsbourg is a bonafide artist who can use any medium to convey the most intimate of emotions.

27. Perfume Genius – No Shape

Mike Hadreas used to shock me. As Perfume Genius, the talented musician approached uncomfortable topics surrounding his upbringing with heavy reflection. No one would ever call an album like Put Your Back N 2 It or Too Bright easy listens, but as his breakout albums, the pain within each song was too real to brush off so easily. Approaching his own sexuality with frank and heartbreaking revelations, Hadreas has never minced words, but on his latest album No Shape, he looks ahead with a hopeful gaze.  

The pain of the past is still present, but there’s a quirky spirit to this latest Perfume Genius record that could deem it the “happy” record of his catalog. Make no mistake, No Shape still sees Hadreas hurting and hoping for change, but the fact that there is hope for change already elevates this album beyond being another confessional. Anger makes way for love on No Shape, but the album still shows that the anger will always be there. It’s a stunning album, realized by an artist who has yet to compromise his art for the sake of anyone.

26. The National – Sleep Well Beast

Fans are likely to be torn on Sleep Well Beast, the latest album from The National. Some may find the slower approach to their trademark, brooding indie-rock too patience testing. Some may find this to be the most personal and adult album of the band’s career. Both sides are valid, and while Sleep Well Beast lacks the triumph and accessibility of albums like Boxer or Trouble Will Find Me, The National have never sounded as fine-tuned as they do here.

Sleep Well Beast is a slow-burn of a life lived with regret, hoping to find the light in the murkiest of times. By doubling down on the anxiety and fear present on previous albums, The National have crafted their most intimate record yet, one that doesn’t initially reveal its beauty, instead taking its time to set the perfect mood. Sleep Well Beast demands repeated listens, but when the music is this powerful, that’s more of an endorsement than anything.

Check back tomorrow evening for part two of The Greatest Albums of 2017!

[petrichorate]

The War of Art: Thoughts

The War of Art (Steven Pressfield)

The back cover of this book reads, “Steven Pressfield shows readers how to identify, defeat, and unlock the inner barriers to creativity.” 

I started reading The War of Art because my friend told me it was one of his “life-changing books.” I’m still processing everything in the book, but it might turn out that way for me too: Some parts of the book spoke so deeply to me that they’ve actually changed my mind about the kind of art I want to make. Of course, no one person can describe the experience of all artists, but there are still messages that resonated intensely with me and made me question my daily assumptions. Some of the things I need to think about coming out of this book:

How do I “turn pro” with my art?

What things in my life cause Resistance? How will I overcome them?

What kind of art do I want to make? Rather than pandering to an audience, what is the message in my heart that I need to pour out, even if I were the last person on Earth?

Why am I making my art? Who is it for? How can I make my art an offering to God?

Here are some especially memorable passages:

On the Resistance and our genius: “Late at night have you experienced a vision of the person you might become, the work you could accomplish, the realized being you were meant to be? Are you a writer who doesn’t write, a painter who doesn’t paint, an entrepreneur who never starts a venture? Then you know what Resistance is.... To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be. If you believe in God (and I do) you must declare Resistance evil, for it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when He endowed each of us with our own unique genius. Genius is a Latin word; the Romans used it to denote an inner spirit, holy and inviolable, which watches over us, guiding us to our calling. A writer writes with his genius; an artist paints with hers; everyone who creates operates from this sacramental center. It is our soul’s seat, the vessel that holds our being-in-potential, our star’s beacon and Polaris.”

On using Resistance as a compass: “Like a magnetized needle floating on a surface of oil, Resistance will unfailingly point to true North—meaning that calling or action it most wants to stop us from doing.  We can use this. We can use it as a compass. We can navigate by Resistance, letting it guide us to that calling or action that we must follow before all others. Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

On Resistance never going away: “Henry Fonda was still throwing up before each stage performance, even when he was seventy-five. In other words, fear doesn’t go away. The warrior and the artist live by the same code of necessity, which dictates that the battle must be fought anew every day.”

On sabotage: “When a writer begins to overcome her Resistance—in other words, when she actually starts to write—she may find that those close to her begin acting strange. They may become moody or sullen, they may get sick; they may accuse the awakening writer of “changing,” of “not being the person she was.” The closer these people are to the awakening writer, the more bizarrely they will act and the more emotion they will put behind their actions. They are trying to sabotage her. The reason is that they are struggling, consciously or unconsciously, against their own Resistance. The awakening writer’s success becomes a reproach to them. If she can beat these demons, why can’t they? Often couples or close friends, even entire families, will enter into tacit compacts whereby each individual pledges (unconsciously) to remain mired in the same slough in which she and all her cronies have become so comfortable. The highest treason a crab can commit is to make a leap for the rim of the bucket.”

On procrastination: “Procrastination is the most common manifestation of Resistance because it’s the easiest to rationalize. We don’t tell ourselves, ‘I’m never going to write my symphony.’ Instead we say, ‘I am going to write my symphony; I’m just going to start tomorrow.’ The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit. We don’t just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed. Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second, we can turn the tables on Resistance.  This second, we can sit down and do our work.”

On the unhappiness caused by Resistance: “What does Resistance feel like? First, unhappiness. We feel like hell. A low-grade misery pervades everything. We’re bored, we’re restless. We can’t get no satisfaction. There’s guilt but we can’t put our finger on the source. We want to go back to bed; we want to get up and party. We feel unloved and unlovable. We’re disgusted. We hate our lives. We hate ourselves.”

On freedom: “It may be that the human race is not ready for freedom. The air of liberty may be too rarefied for us to breathe. Certainly I wouldn’t be writing this book, on this subject, if living with freedom were easy. The paradox seems to be, as Socrates demonstrated long ago, that the truly free individual is free only to the extent of his own self-mastery. While those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.”

On self-doubt and love:

“Self-doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), ‘Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?’ chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.”

On love: “Resistance is directly proportional to love. If you’re feeling massive Resistance, the good news is, it means there’s tremendous love there too. If you didn’t love the project that is terrifying you, you wouldn’t feel anything. The opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. The more Resistance you experience, the more important your unmanifested art/project/enterprise is to you—and the more gratification you will feel when you finally do it.”

On professionals and amateurs: “Aspiring artists defeated by Resistance share one trait. They all think like amateurs. They have not yet turned pro. The moment an artist turns pro is epochal as the birth of his first child. With one stroke, everything changes. I can state absolutely that the term of my life can be divided into two parts: before turning pro, and after. To be clear: When I say professional, I don’t mean doctors and lawyers, those of ‘the professions.’ I mean the Professional as an ideal. The professional in contrast to the amateur. Consider the differences. The amateur plays for fun. The professional plays for keeps. To the amateur, the game is his avocation. To the pro it’s his vocation. The amateur plays part-time, the professional full-time.  The amateur is a weekend warrior. The professional is there seven days a week. The word amateur comes from the Latin root meaning ‘to love.’ The conventional interpretation is that the amateur pursues his calling out of love, while the pro does it for money. Not the way I see it. In my view, the amateur does not love the game enough. If he did, he would not pursue it as a sideline, distinct from his ‘real’ vocation. The professional loves it so much he dedicates his life to it. He commits full-time. That’s what I mean when I say turning pro. Resistance hates it when we turn pro.”

On Pressfield’s daily life: “I wake up with a gnawing sensation of dissatisfaction. Already I feel fear. Already the loved ones around me are starting to fade. I interact. I’m present. But I’m not. I’m not thinking about the work. I’ve already consigned that to the Muse. What I am aware of is Resistance. I feel it in my guts. I afford it the utmost respect, because I know it can defeat me on any given day as easily as the need for a drink can overcome an alcoholic.  I go through the chores, the correspondence, the obligations of daily life. Again I’m there but not really. The clock is running in my head; I know I can indulge in daily crap for a little while, but I must cut it off when the bell rings. I’m keenly aware of the Principle of Priority, which states (a) you must know the difference between what is urgent and what is important, and (b) you must do what’s important first.  What’s important is the work. That’s the game I have to suit up for. That’s the field on which I have to leave everything I’ve got. Do I really believe that my work is crucial to the planet’s survival? Of course not. But it’s as important to me as catching that mouse is to the hawk circling outside my window. He’s hungry. He needs a kill. So do I.”

On already being a pro: “All of us are pros in one area: our jobs. We get a paycheck. We work for money. We are professionals. Now: Are there principles we can take from what we’re already successfully doing in our workaday life and apply to our artistic aspirations? What exactly are the qualities that define us as professionals? 1) We show up every day. We might do it only because we have to, to keep from getting fired. But we do it. We show up every day. 2) We show up no matter what. In sickness and in health, come hell or high water, we stagger in to the factory. We might do it only so as not to let down our co-workers, or for other, less noble reasons. But we do it. We show up no matter what. 3) We stay on the job all day. Our minds may wander, but our bodies remain at the wheel. We pick up the phone when it rings, we assist the customer when he seeks our help. We don’t go home till the whistle blows. 4) We are committed over the long haul. Next year we may go to another job, another company, another country. But we’ll still be working. Until we hit the lottery, we are part of the labor force. 5) The stakes for us are high and real. This is about survival, feeding our families, educating our children. It’s about eating. 6) We accept remuneration for our labor. We’re not here for fun. We work for money. 7) We do not overidentify with our jobs. We may take pride in our work, we may stay late and come in on weekends, but we recognize that we are not our job descriptions. The amateur, on the other hand, overidentifies with his avocation, his artistic aspiration. He defines himself by it. He is a musician, a painter, a playwright. Resistance loves this. Resistance knows that the amateur composer will never write his symphony because he is overly invested in its success and overterrified of its failure. The amateur takes it so seriously it paralyzes him. 8) We master the technique of our jobs. 9) We have a sense of humor about our jobs. 10) We receive praise or blame in the real world. Now consider the amateur: the aspiring painter, the wannabe playwright. How does he pursue his calling? One, he doesn’t show up every day. Two, he doesn’t show up no matter what. Three, he doesn’t stay on the job all day. He is not committed over the long haul; the stakes for him are illusory and fake. He does not get money. And he overidentifies with his art. He does not have a sense of humor about failure. You don’t hear him bitching, ‘This fucking trilogy is killing me!’ Instead, he doesn’t write his trilogy at all.”

On the payoff of going pro: “Remember what we said about fear, love, and Resistance. The more you love your art/calling/enterprise, the more important its accomplishment is to the evolution of your soul, the more you will fear it and the more Resistance you will experience facing it. The payoff of playing-the-game-for-money is not the money (which you may never see anyway, even after you turn pro). The payoff is that playing the game for money produces the proper professional attitude. It inculcates the lunch-pail mentality, the hard-core, hard-head, hard-hat state of mind that shows up for work despite rain or snow or dark of night and slugs it out day after day.”

On Resistance and enthusiasm: “Resistance outwits the amateur with the oldest trick in the book: It uses his own enthusiasm against him. Resistance gets us to plunge into a project with an overambitious and unrealistic timetable for its completion. It knows we can’t sustain that level of intensity. We will hit the wall. We will crash. The professional, on the other hand, understands delayed gratification. He is the ant, not the grasshopper; the tortoise, not the hare. Have you heard the legend of Sylvester Stallone staying up three nights straight to churn out the screenplay for Rocky? I don’t know, it may even be true. But it’s the most pernicious species of myth to set before the awakening writer, because it seduces him into believing he can pull off the big score without pain and without persistence. The professional arms himself with patience, not only to give the stars time to align in his career, but to keep himself from flaming out in each individual work. He knows that any job, whether it’s a novel or a kitchen remodel, takes twice as long as he thinks and costs twice as much. He accepts that. He recognizes it as reality.”

On order: “When I lived in the back of my Chevy van, I had to dig my typewriter out from beneath layers of tire tools, dirty laundry, and moldering paperbacks. My truck was a nest, a hive, a hellhole on wheels whose sleeping surface I had to clear each night just to carve out a foxhole to snooze in. The professional cannot live like that. He is on a mission. He will not tolerate disorder. He eliminates chaos from his world in order to banish it from his mind. He wants the carpet vacuumed and the threshold swept, so that Muse may enter and not soil her gown.”

On excuses: “The amateur, underestimating Resistance’s cunning, permits the flu to keep him from his chapters; he believes the serpent’s voice in his head that says mailing off the manuscript is more important than doing the day’s work. The professional has learned better. He respects Resistance. He knows if he caves in today, no matter how plausible the pretext, he’ll be twice as likely to cave in tomorrow. The professional knows that Resistance is like a telemarketer; if you so much as say hello, you’re finished. The pro doesn’t even pick up the phone. He stays at work.”

On preparation: “I’m not talking about craft; that goes without saying. The professional is prepared at a deeper level. He is prepared, each day, to confront his own self-sabotage.  The professional understands that Resistance is fertile and ingenious. It will throw stuff at him that he’s never seen before. The professional prepares mentally to absorb blows and to deliver them. His aim is to take what the day gives him. He is prepared to be prudent and prepared to be reckless, to take a beating when he has to, and to go for the throat when he can. He understands that the field alters every day. His goal is not victory (success will come by itself when it wants to) but to handle himself, his insides, as sturdily and steadily as he can.”

On external feedback: “The professional cannot allow the actions of others to define his reality. Tomorrow morning the critic will be gone, but the writer will still be there facing the blank page. Nothing matters but that he keep working. Short of a family crisis or the outbreak of World War III, the professional shows up, ready to serve the gods.  Remember, Resistance wants us to cede sovereignty to others. It wants us to stake our self-worth, our identity, our reason-for-being, on the response of others to our work. Resistance knows we can’t take this. No one can.”

On going pro being a decision: “There’s no mystery to turning pro. It’s a decision brought about by an act of will. We make up our mind to view ourselves as pros and we do it. Simple as that.”

On the mystery that arises from work: “Why have I stressed professionalism so heavily in the preceding chapters? Because the most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying. Why is this so important? Because when we sit down day after day and keep grinding, something mysterious starts to happen. A process is set into motion by which, inevitably and infallibly, heaven comes to our aid. Unseen forces enlist in our cause; serendipity reinforces our purpose. This is the other secret that real artists know and wannabe writers don’t. When we sit down each day and do our work, power concentrates around us. The Muse takes note of our dedication. She approves. We have earned favor in her sight. When we sit down and work, we become like a magnetized rod that attracts iron fillings. Ideas come. Insights accrete.  Just as Resistance has its seat in hell, so Creation has its home in heaven. And it’s not just a witness, but an eager and active ally.”

On working and providence: “Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would not otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man would have dreamed would come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: ‘Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it. Begin it now.’ —W. H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition”

On what the Self believes: “4) The supreme emotion is love. Union and mutual assistance are the imperatives of life. We are all in this together. 5) God is all there is. Everything that is, is God in one form or another. God, the divine ground, is that in which we live and move and have our being. Infinite planes of reality exist, all created by, sustained by and infused by the spirit of God.”

On doing what the Ego hates: “The instinct that pulls us toward art is the impulse to evolve, to learn, to heighten and elevate our consciousness. The Ego hates this. Because the more awake was become, the less we need the Ego. The Ego hates it when the awakening writer sits down at the typewriter. The Ego hates it when the aspiring painter steps up before the easel. The Ego hates it because it knows that these souls are awakening to a call, and that that call comes from a plane nobler than the material one and from a source deeper and more powerful than the physical.”

On why hierarchy is fatal: “For the artist to define himself hierarchically is fatal.  Let’s examine why. First, let’s look at what happens in a hierarchical orientation. An individual who defines himself by his place in a pecking order will: 1) Complete against all others in the order, seeking to elevate his station by advancing against those above him, while defending his place against those beneath. 2) Evaluate his happiness/success/achievement by his rank within the hierarchy, feeling most satisfied when he’s high and most miserable when he’s low. 3) Act toward others based upon their rank in the hierarchy, to the exclusion of all other factors. 4) Evaluate his every move solely by the effect it produces on others. He will act for others, dress for others, speak for others, think for others. But the artist cannot look to others to validate his efforts or his calling.... In the hierarchy, the artist faces outward. Meeting someone new his asks himself, ‘What can this person do for me? How can this person advance my standing?’ In the hierarchy, the artist looks up and looks down. The one place he can’t look is that place he must: within.”

On being a hack: “I learned this from Robert McKee. A hack, he says, is a writer who second-guesses his audience. When the hack sits down to work, he doesn’t ask himself what’s in his own heart. He asks what the market is looking for. The hack condescends to his audience. He thinks he’s superior to them. The truth is, he’s scared to death of them or, more accurately, scared of being authentic in front of them, scared of writing what he really feels or believes, what he himself thinks is interesting. He’s afraid it won’t sell. So he tries to anticipate what the market (a telling word) wants, then gives it to them.”

On bringing forth what is inside of us: “Instead let’s ask ourselves like that new mother: What do I feel growing inside me? Let me bring that forth, if I can, for its own sake and not for what it can do for me or how it can advance my standing.”

On the difference between territory and hierarchy: “How can we tell if our orientation is territorial or hierarchical?  One way is to ask ourselves, If I were feeling really anxious, what would I do? If we would pick up the phone and call six friends, one after the other, with the aim of hearing their voices and reassuring ourselves that they still love us, we’re operating hierarchically. We’re seeking the good opinion of others. What would Arnold Schwarzenegger do on a freaky day? He wouldn’t phone his buddies; he’d head for the gym. He wouldn’t care if the place was empty, if he didn’t say a word to a soul. He knows that working out, all by itself, is enough to bring him back to his center. His orientation is territorial. Here’s another test. Of any activity you do, ask yourself: If I were the last person on earth, would I still do it? If you’re all alone on the planet, a hierarchical orientation makes no sense. There’s no one to impress. So, if you’d still pursue that activity, congratulations. you’re doing it territorially.”

On offering our work to God: “When Krishna instructed Arjuna that we have a right to our labor but not to the fruits of our labor, he was counseling the warrior to act territorially, not hierarchically. We must do our work for its own sake, not for fortune or attention or applause.  Then there’s the third way proffered by the Lord of Discipline, which is beyond both hierarchy and territory. That is to do the work and give it to Him. Do it as an offering to God. ‘Give the act to me. Purged of hope and ego, Fix your attention on the soul. Act and do for me.’ The work comes from heaven anyway. Why not give it back? To labor in this way, The Bhagavad-Gita tells us, is a form of meditation and a supreme species of spiritual devotion. It also, I believe, conforms most closely to Higher Reality. In fact, we are servants of the Mystery. We were put here on earth to act as agents of the Infinite, to bring into existence that which is not yet, but which will be, through us. Every breath we take, every heartbeat, every evolution of every cell comes from God and is sustained by God every second, just as every creation, invention, every bar of music or line of verse, every thought, vision, fantasy, every dumb-ass flop and stroke of genius comes from that infinite intelligence that created us and the universe in all its dimensions, out of the Void, the field of infinite potential, primal chaos, the Muse. To acknowledge that reality, to efface all ego, to let the work come through us and give it back freely to its source, that, in my opinion, is as true to reality as it gets.”

On the artist’s duty: “Are you a born writer? Were you put on earth to be a painter, a scientist, an apostle of peace? In the end the question can only be answered by action. Do it or don’t do it. It may help to think of it this way. If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet. You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God. Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”

[moved-larvaloverlord]

Typing out my types of dreams that I’m capable of remembering. Mostly for my own reference, but you’re welcome to read if you’re interested.

Each has a sketch of the most recent dream I had of that type.

Green:

The only one with a name actually visually related to the dreams. Taken from the first time I really realized it was a separate timeline or something, when I was working at a shop exactly like one that came into existence in the next couple of months. When I walked into it in real life, everything was the same as I remembered, but the walls of the real shop were yellow, whereas my dream was green.

A universe where’s I’m a hairs-width more outgoing. Anything I almost said but pulled out of at the last moment, or almost snapped, came out. Seems to be largely the same as my life now, but my relationships with people are a little different, i.e. better friends with snippier people in my friend group. worse friends with touchier.

Parallels the real world so much that I often wake up confused as to why I’m back in bed after talking to people and going through my morning motions. I take a fair amount of advice from things I do in these dreams, when I can stomach the possible reactions.

(one week ago) The only type of dream that ever occurs in first person, and the rarest, unless I’m stressed. Easiest to remember; I can visualize text that I read and wrote during these dreams for a few weeks after I have them.

White:

Named entirely arbitrarily.

Dreams with minimal distortion that are vivid portraits of imminent events, usually around either one week or three months in advance. May or may not be anything of any importance at all, but damn if it won’t happen. Feels different from Green dreams; I’m acutely aware that what I’ve dreamed will happen to me.

Incredibly difficult to remember with a great amount of detail, but impressions of words and settings always last well. 

(six months ago) Third person, usually, but sometimes second person.

Blue: 

Named for a certain kind of energy that I associate with a light sky blue, a tugging through the whole body, sort of.

The most emotion-heavy dreamscape. Usually features someone else that I’m projected onto, not quite myself, but not quite someone else, either. There are no faces, and everything is in blocky colors, like the base of an oil painting. People often seem to reflect some kind of real-life counterpart, but not necessarily. Always full of background noise, though speech is just impressions of ideas.

Leaves me the least confused when I wake up, but somewhat mentally exhausted. 

(three days ago) Second person, always. Easy to remember, but slips away easily as well.

Pink: 

Named for an association held to someone who appeared in the first time I had one of these dreams.

Always prophetic to my life, but also on the wonky side. I often only recognize the meanings some time afterwards. Tends to feature the only deaths and tragedies I ever witness in dreams, but never blood. Vividly stylized in various ways, sometimes related to the contents of the dream. 

(one month ago) Easy to remember, hard to remember details. Second or third person.

???:

Not named because it’s not a definable category.

In average life, I can only remember dreams that have some kind of actual, discernible meaning to them. These are dreams I have while on certain medications or certain kinds of sick that I somehow remember despite lack of any meaning at all. Vary widely. 

(three years ago) Always in third person, with varying memorability. Rarely humanoid, often with bright colors. Almost unintelligible, even if I remember them perfectly. 

[avilalily94]

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[itsfallingforsnow-blog]

Hallu there! Talking about Japanese Language. As you all know, or just knew I’m into anime or anything related to Japan. I really really want to go there, since Digomon or Pokemon or Naruto!

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So, during my first semester, I wasn’t able to take Japanese Language Level one, due to huge number of demand and only a little number that are accepted. Bummer I didn’t get it. Second semester, I tried to categorize it as my first priority on module registration, BOOM! Finally I got it! I was so happy and so damn ready to learn Japanese Language, just because I want to watch anime without subtitle (you feel me hooman?), also probably go to Japan for my Discovery Year. Although I feel like ninety percent a no no chance to go there. Don’t give up! The class was fun, have the nicest sensei ever! As she pays attention to each one of her students, makes class more interesting with her activities.  At this point I’m able to introduce myself in Japanese language.

はじめまして。わたしはゆみです。わたしはハタチです。わたしはブルネイじんです。どぞよろしく。

Well kind of. To be honest I wasn’t doing well in level one, despite it’s level one. I had a hard time reading, slow af. Also writing, where I tend to forget です (desu) at the end of every sentence. From my previous post here, I focus too much on managing event and did not score for my test pretty much flip the table, from 100 to 0 real quick. Took Japanese language with my closest friend, got to say she’s really good and fast learner. But hey, got the support from her. Our joke are mostly ..

Sensei: Okay class practice with your friends or partner 

Me: Demo, watashi wa don’t have tomodachi desu 

and she’ll laugh afterwards, probably more joke I made that I don’t remember now. Fyi I’m the lamest yet you’ll laugh anyway HEHE. Also we joined Japanese Club where we made onigiri, does this Japanese traditional dance and anime related. Moving on to the part when there’s oral test. Where you are expected to speak in japanese fluently according to your level of course, on certain topics. Totally fucked that up. By fucked up, like really really fucked up. After oral, I got so stressed, I feel like boooooom headshot my dreams of Japanese Language or going to Japan cruch into pieces. No hopes for DY nor going there, or move to level 2. At that time, I was sitting on the floor with my friend, spoke fluent classic malay or kedayan. Laugh our ass off because whatever I was saying it was funny and sad also depressing.

So bad, so sick, so down, damn it hits me so hard. No motivation, all bad vibes, sad vibes, nightmare, so sad. Even at T-3 days before examination I can’t focus.

The result was, crei.

Second year and first semester, took level 2 for Japanese Language. Mainly I do have any other choice, I have to take 5 modules per semester, which I need one more. My boyfriend encouraged me to take another shot, he believed I could. So I did. Although I still have nightmares from my previous class. Still suck, still stuck. HEY! I had so much fun in class. With the same sensei. LUCKY! To learn Katakana, yikes so much similarities. By similarities how do you write and memorize クケシツソノンメスツフ。シツ is not a smiley face, nope nope!  However compared to last semester, this one is better. By better I mean, being the target in class was hahaha, I don’t know. Everytime sensei asked in Japanese language or asked students to talk in Japanese, I am ninety percent, most of the time got selected. #crei #why I don’t know why bruh, what did I do. Probably because my name is Yumie, easiest to remember? probably not. This semester we learned the word ユメ (Yume) close to my name ゆみ (Yumi – without e, or it will sound so weird like Yu-Mi-E) which, my classmate tend to miscalled my name as Yume instead of Yumie. IT DOES NOT SOUND THE SAME AT ALL. Do google that if you want to know the defination. And I did not sign up for that part alright. 

Unforgettable moment is that one of our project was to to create our own script – acting – speak in Japanese language, without looking at the script. Act in front of the class, with japanese student.  boy you don’t want to know what did I do. It was so embarrassing yet, I do have fun with my group, good thing my classmates laughed. Heres a clue, I have to dance to Pen Pineapple, Apple pen. It was fun, yet embarrassing, fun YET embarrassing. Also we celebrate teacher’s day, late teacher’s day. My classmates were amazing! I did enjoy all of the performances! Last battle was the examination, in which it was okay, I get to understand and read hiragana and katakana faster compared to last semester, however, I did not get to finished it on time. sigh. I tried my best. I know I do, and thank you to my boyfriend and my closest friend that support me. Also my mother who pretty much trying to speak in Japanese whenever she sees me. Ah, not to forget, still suck at Oral test, but other test was fine. The result? Satisfied!!

This is my note book, you know that typical anime character read a small book around, or before examination. It’s helpful, with the “feel” of anime character. Overall it was a fun experience, ups and downs.

Did you guys learn any other languages other than your native tongue language? I’m Bruneian, my language is Malay, and second language is English, third? Japanese! Well kind of. I want to learn Kedayan as well.

Do you guys have any other language you want to be fluent at?

Mine? yo Japanese straight!

Yumie

Japanese Language Hallu there! Talking about Japanese Language. As you all know, or just knew I'm into anime…