#it feels like in english the two halves of this title should read like

[littleeyesofpallas]

Hitohake no Niji[ひとはけの虹]: "Rainbow of Human Brush"

aka COLOR ME RAINBOW

[sailorspazz]

10 Dance Vol. 6 Special Edition overview

Volume 6 of the 10 Dance manga was released in Japan on March 18th, 2021. As with volumes 4 and 5, there are both regular and special editions available. In this post, I will provide an overview of the release, including observations on changes that were made to the chapters compared to how they were printed in the magazine, plus summaries and select scans of content from the special edition booklet.

It is often the case that when chapters come out in the manga magazines, they aren't always fully polished, and since I became highly familiar with this run of chapters from the summaries I made, several things immediately jumped out at me as I went through the book. First of all, though chapter 29 was split into two parts and released in subsequent months in the magazine, these two halves were combined into one chapter, with no indication they had ever been separate. I assume that they were always intended to be one chapter, but since the full chapter was not completed before the deadline (and it was a month when 10 Dance was being given the cover image, so not possible to delay its release), it was simply split over two months instead.

For visual changes, the most common alteration was scenes that originally had little or no screentone having it added in:

There were also some instances of either slight panel redraws, or complete replacements with new panels. None of these were from particularly important scenes, so it could just be Inouesatoh or someone on her team didn't like the look of the original panels and wanted to change them. The following example has a bit of both, with Suzuki in the upper left corner being replaced, and his eyes being redrawn in the lower panel:

Personally, the most amusing addition I noticed was when Max was thinking about throwing a party. Originally, we didn't see what he was envisioning, but in the volume, an addition has been made in the background: the New Year's piece Inouesatoh drew with sexy men dressed as cows, except now they're bunnies!

As for dialogue, it appeared to be almost the same in both versions throughout. Some minor exceptions include a spot I found where the dialogue was put in a different order, swapping Sugiki’s lines between this panel and his first line on the following page (in addition to another altered panel example):

As well as in this shot of Suzuki describing how they tug at the thread that connects them through their dance. Whereas before it put the word “dance” next to the part about tugging on the thread to specify what was meant by that, it was deleted in the volume. And while it was originally described as “affirming that we’re connected”, this was also tweaked a bit to be, “affirming our connection”.

There were a couple instances of character names being different from when they appeared earlier in the story. In this volume, two characters who were last mentioned back in volume 2 (Lucas Calvo, one of the champions at the table in Blackpool, and Deeks, who Ernie said hated Sugiki because he "stole" his girlfriend), either from typos or intentional changes, weren't the same as before. Lucas' last name was written with a 'g' sound (ガルボ) instead of a 'c' (カルボ), and this change carried over to the volume. On the other hand, Deeks' (ディクス) name got transposed as Disc (ディスク) in the magazine, but was fixed in the volume.

There was a typo that unfortunately made it through to the volume (but could perhaps be fixed in future printings). In chapter 34, when Norman is testing Suzuki's skills, he flashes back to Sugiki taking the national title from him several years earlier. The text in this scene, written in English, incorrectly states that Suzuki won the championship, rather than Sugiki.

The volume also includes the usual additions that are not present in the magazine, such as the under the cover flap comic, and Inouesatoh’s notes about each chapter.

The cover flap comic (which looks very much like a sketch, compared to previous ones that have had more complete art), features the Shinyas during a practice session earlier on in the series in December, where Suzuki complains that Sugiki’s Latin just isn��t sexy. Sugiki suggests that he can practice being sexy by wiggling his butt around to write a message in the air. Suzuki worries that if he starts writing out “love” or something, he’ll have to run away and escape. Sugiki gets started, and Suzuki calls out each letter that he can make out from his elegant butt bouncing. After figuring out he’s written “M-E-R-R-Y”, Suzuki guesses that he’s writing “Merry Christmas”. Sugiki gets mad that he said it aloud before he finished writing his message, and says he’s going to leave. Suzuki says, “Wait, I love you,” as narrative text says that this somehow turned into a love story in one panel.

And here are some tidbits I found interesting/amusing from the chapter notes:

She thinks readers who are fans of pecs will like Saichi.

She’s not sure if readers will love Max or hate him, but she personally likes him (sorry Sensei, I kinda hate him lol)

As of chapter 32, a portion of the art is now done digitally.

The epic “last dance” scene from 33 was something that she had planned since the beginning of the series, and it ended up being 8 times the cost for a typical chapter.

Special edition booklet:

The special edition comes with a 48 page hardcover booklet that includes a variety of different extras, divided into 8 sections called “heats”.

Heat 1 is a newly drawn, 12 page parody manga. Back in September 2020, Inouesatoh put out a request on Twitter for fans to send in their suggestions for an erotic side story. Putting the characters in a high school setting was the most requested scenario, so she chose this idea as the basis for the story. The title is “And All That Jazz” (the premise makes this somewhat confusing to summarize, so keep in mind that I’ll mostly be describing their actions based on the soul rather than the body, but will use quotation marks if it’s about other characters and who they think they’re addressing. It’ll all make sense, I promise...I think :P)

(The title page actually depicts the ending of the story, so I’ll come back to it later). It starts with Suzuki narrating his introduction, saying that he’s a transfer student to the Standard Academy. He really doesn’t get along with a guy named Sugiki, but for some reason, the two have now switched bodies with each other. Sugiki opens his shirt and inspects his new physique in front of other students, as Suzuki yells out asking what the hell he’s doing to his body. They look at themselves wearing each other’s expressions, Sugiki seeming surprised his mouth can gape open like that, and Suzuki wondering what happened to his body’s facial expression muscles. The bell rings and Sugiki heads off to class, as Suzuki is baffled that he can act so calm about this.

Sugiki perfectly reads a passage aloud in English class, something everyone (including the teacher, who looks like Norman) find unusual coming from “Suzuki”, as they wonder where his usual hearts are. Suzuki makes the decision to enjoy living as Sugiki for a bit, and is shown getting flirty with several girls. He notes that the more serious personality in his regular body is also strangely popular, though with a very different crowd.

A student named Alberko (Alberto in a girl’s uniform) shows up and says that “Sugiki” was supposed to have lunch with her(?) today. Suzuki says that he thought Alberko was going out with Dorou (a masculine alteration to Dolores’ name). Ernie and Suzuki watch as his harem falls apart with Alberko running amok. Ernie comments that both “Sugiki” and that transfer student have been acting weird all week, and he asks if something happened. Suzuki internally reflects back to one week earlier, when he was relaxing in bed in the infirmary. Sugiki comes in and accuses him of skipping class, and Suzuki tells him to mind his own business. He thought this would turn into one of their usual fights, but he can’t believe that actually happened instead...

After school, Sugiki asks Suzuki if they can go home together today. As they’re walking, Suzuki asks if Sugiki realizes what it was that made them switch places, and Sugiki says he does. Suzuki says that in that case, they know how they need to fix it, and they should go over to his house. Sugiki asks for clarification of whose house exactly he means by that.

As they start to get undressed, Suzuki says that he always thought his mom and sisters were annoying, but after a week apart he really misses them. Sugiki promises that he’ll make sure he can see them soon. Suzuki claims that he’ll be the one making Sugiki come, and Sugiki asks how he can talk like that when he was the one who looked like he was about to cry when Sugiki first touched him in the infirmary.

Sugiki peeks into Suzuki’s pants and wonders if he won’t get hard unless he touches him. Suzuki thinks it’d be weirder if he could get hard while looking at his own face, and wonders if Sugiki has AI in his crotch or something (Sugiki contends that it’s not his body). They fool around with each other until they finish, and Suzuki wonders why they didn’t change back yet. Sugiki suggests that maybe it needs to be just like the last time to count as a complete set, when they went at it until they fell off the bed, so both agree that they need to go for one more round. This then ties back to the title page, where they’ve finally managed to get back into their old bodies, but have now sprouted cat ears and tails.

Heat 2 of the booklet is 8 pages long, and contains short comics and illustrations that were not previously included in the volume releases. The comics include “How to 10 Dance”, a one-page comic with the Shinyas demonstrating the tango. Their privates end up touching, and Sugiki seems highly amused, gleefully asking Suzuki how it feels. Suzuki says that he was the one who got all bent out of shape over that back in volume 1, and tells him to lay off the sadist mode since they’re not dancing Latin right now. The second comic is “2nd Step”, and shows a glimpse of how the Shinyas were with each other after Suzuki gave the go-ahead for kissing. In fact, Sugiki ends up kissing him so much that Suzuki’s lips get sore and swollen. Sugiki then tries to kiss his neck as an alternative, but Suzuki’s not having it. The third comic depicts Suzuki’s first time in a public bath, where he realizes that Japanese people aren’t fully shaved everywhere like he is. Some of the old guys talk to him and slap their balls with their towels, and Suzuki, seeming a bit confused, gives his own balls a slap, too. After the comics are a selection of illustrations that were never used in the volumes, including this one from a Real 10 Dance event in 2018:

Heat 3 is 18 pages, and contains a variety of colored versions of both chapter covers and scenes from the manga, a couple of which I’ll share below:

Heat 4 includes 3 pages of insight from the professional dancers who consult for the manga, in which they explain the moves shown in specific panels.

Heat 5 is a single page look at Inouesatoh’s work space.

Heat 6 is 3 pages worth of advertisements that have been used to promote the series, including things like ads that were posted in subway stations:

Heat 7 is a single page look at the storyboard for chapter 1 of the manga.

Heat 8 is a single page showing the covers for foreign editions of the manga (Taiwanese, Korean, North American, and French).

Finally, there’s one last page with a thank you message from Inouesatoh, including an absolutely precious illustration of the Shinyas in happier times.

And that’s that! This really is an incredible release, and I’d definitely recommend picking up the special edition if you can. CD Japan offers direct international shipping, and I’ve also seen that Kinokuniya lists it as “available to order” currently (though they don’t appear to have stock on hand, so might take longer).

[hamliet]

Pain, Fear, Death, and God: Fyodor and Gogol as Two Halves of Kirillov

God is the pain of the fear of death. Whoever conquers pain and fear will himself become God.

-Alexei Kirillov, Demons

So remember how when I first read Bungou Stray Dogs I started screeching incoherently and turned those screeches into a somewhat-coherent meta on how Fyodor in BSD was modeled after Alexei Kirillov from Dostoyesvky’s Demons? 

Well, here’s the follow up.

As I said in my previous meta, Demons is (tied with Crime and Punishment) my favorite novel of all time, and Alexei Kirillov is my very favorite character of all time, in any fictional medium, ever. He’s a walking bundle of paradoxes, existential angst and stunning compassion. But Demons is not necessarily a popular novel by Dostoyevsky standards and so Kirillov, despite being written about by literary critics and Camus, is somewhat obscure. That Asagiri is so clearly inspired by his character is shocking and thrilling for me; I’m pinching myself. 

The tl;dr version of Kirillov is that his whole schtick is that he wants to kill himself to prove that he is free and thereby can escape. It’s far more nuanced and complex, as I’ll go into, but essentially both Gogol and Fyodor’s philosophies and goals reflect this.

Gogol does not want to kill Fyodor because he hates Fyodor; rather, it’s because Gogol and Fyodor are two halves of a whole. They are a paradox together, embodying Kirillov’s complexity. Like Kirillov, they are suicidal, because killing one of them is like killing themselves. To achieve their goals, they both need to die. 

Fyodor reminds Gogol that he is human and can connect; therefore, Gogol wants to kill him to assert his free will, as he views connections as a cage. Similarly, while we haven’t gotten much insight into Fyodor’s thoughts on Gogol, I think it’s highly likely Fyodor allowed Gogol to kill himself (he thought) because he clings to his beliefs at the expense of his (very much there) empathy, and it’s better for his goals if people who provoke his empathy die. Basically: Fyodor allowed Gogol to “die” not because he doesn’t care about him, but because he does. 

For a brief background: Demons itself is an allegory about how people who become consumed by their ideas become possessed by said ideas; thus, they become devils or demons. The actual title of the novel, Бесы, is difficult to translate, hence why it has three different titles in English: The Possessed, The Devils, and Demons. The word “Бесы” in Russian refers to the ones doing the possessing, which is why the latter two are generally considered to be more accurate translations of the title. In particular, the novel demonstrates the tragic consequences of Russian nihilism and singles out moral nihilism. (It’s also looked to as a rather eerie novel, because almost everything it wrote about happening in a--then fictional--political revolution is exactly what happened in Russia a few decades later.) 

As I wrote in my previous meta, Fyodor, like Kirillov, is “consumed” by his ideas, something Kirillov laments in Demons. Fyodor’s consumption with his ideals means that he is willing to sacrifice everything for his goals. Gogol, too, shares this trait. 

Where they differ is in motivations for their respective plans, motives they share with Kirillov. Kirillov’s master plan is to commit suicide for two reasons: firstly, that he has free will and will thereby inspire society to live freely, and secondly, because he sees life as nonsensically painful and thereby not worth living. The first reflects Gogol’s personal aims, and the second Fyodor’s.

Let’s discuss Kirillov and Fyodor first. Kirillov believes that mankind invented God (keep in mind the context this was written in; God=Russian Orthodox Christianity) to go on living because of the absurdity of life. 

Listen: this man was the highest on all the earth, he constituted what it was to live for. Without this man the whole planet with everything on it is--madness only. There has not been one like Him before or since, not ever, even to the point of miracle. This is the miracle, that there has not been and never will be such a one. And if so, if the laws of nature did not pity even This One, did not pity even their own miracle, but made Him, too, live amidst a lie and die for a lie, then the whole planet is a lie, and stands upon a lie and a stupid mockery. Then the very laws of the planet are a lie and a devil's vaudeville. Why live then, answer me, if you're a man.”

Fyodor's disgust for the world and determination to save it from the sin of abilities reflects this same attitude. Life is wrong, so it should cease to exist. Abilities are wrong, so everyone with one should cease to exist. The reason is, most likely, strongly based in how painful Fyodor’s ability has been for him.

Kirillov laments:

“God is necessary and so must exist… But I know He doesn’t and can’t… Surely you must understand that a man with two such ideas can’t go on living?”

...

“If there is no God, then I am God.”

If Kirillov is god, then he is the ultimate master of his fate. Kirillov is very aware of his own limits, and so he thinks this absurd and life pointless. 

That conversation continues (Kirillov’s responses are bolded):

“There, I could never understand that point of yours: why are you God?”

“If God exists, all is His will and from His will I cannot escape. If not, it’s all my will and I am bound to show self-will.”

“Self-will? But why are you bound?”

“Because all will has become mine. Can it be that no one in the whole planet, after making an end of God and believing in his own will, will dare to express his self-will on the most vital point? It’s like a beggar inheriting a fortune and being afraid of it and not daring to approach the bag of gold, thinking himself too weak to own it. I want to manifest my self-will. I may be the only one, but I’ll do it.”

This very much reflects Gogol: killing his high moral power (connection and empathy) through the man who identifies himself as a god (Fyodor) to prove his independence and freedom. 

But we’ve kind of already seen where this ends:

Gogol you’ve literally shown yourself terrified of dying (which Kirillov is as well). I know Gogol was likely acting in this scene, but given the themes of BSD and Gogol’s character, plus the fact that he did, in fact, choose not to die, I think this is likely somewhat reflective of his true feelings.  

But again, Kirillov asserts:

“I am awfully unhappy, for I’m awfully afraid. Terror is the curse of man.… But I will assert my will, I am bound to believe that I don’t believe. I will begin and will make an end of it and open the door, and will save. That’s the only thing that will save mankind and will re-create the next generation physically; for with his present physical nature man can’t get on without his former God, I believe. For three years I’ve been seeking for the attribute of my godhead and I’ve found it; the attribute of my godhead is self-will! That’s all I can do to prove in the highest point my independence and my new terrible freedom. For it is very terrible. I am killing myself to prove my independence and my new terrible freedom.”

As Gogol outlined, what disrupted his plans was Fyodor’s empathy for him, and his empathy for Fyodor. Their connection literally saved his life (hence I kind of doubt their connection will kill them in the end). He cannot die without killing that connection. 

Two things almost disrupt Kirillov’s plans. Firstly, and chiefly, it’s his empathy for others. Kirillov is noted to be a character who is extremely kind, good with children, and unafraid to risk himself to help others. When Kirillov finds out his friend betrayed him and is planning to use Kirillov’s suicide to get away with the murder of a third friend, Kirillov is horrified. He refuses to go through with his suicide at first, screaming in horror that his friend is dead and that he unwittingly enabled his killer to end his life. When he does ultimately go through with it, he states that it is because “I want to kill myself now: all are scoundrels.” He goes through with it because his human connections are failing. 

Even the novel’s most villainous character concludes “I agree” when Kirillov is called “good.” Kirillov will stop at nothing to help his friends, and he believes all people are good and will become good if they are just told they are. However, the tragic irony of this scene is that the person speaking to Kirillov--Nikolai Stavrogin--is very much a literary example of a psychopath. (Those of you who follow me know I don’t use that word lightly.) However, Stavrogin does not want to be this way; he wants to feel, he wants to be bothered by the terrible sins he’s committed. What he’s asking Kirillov, essentially, is to understand this and call him wrong for what he did, which absolutely no one does in the novel:

“Everything’s good.”

“Everything?”

“Everything. Man is unhappy because he doesn’t know he’s happy. It’s only that. That’s all, that’s all! If anyone finds out he’ll become happy at once...

“And if anyone dies of hunger, and if anyone insults and outrages the little girl, is that good?”

“Yes! ...They’re bad because they don’t know they’re good. When they find out, they won’t outrage a little girl. They’ll find out that they’re good and they’ll all become good, every one of them.”

“Here you’ve found it out, so have you become good then?”

“I am good.”

“That I agree with, though,” Stavrogin muttered, frowning.

“He who teaches that all are good will end the world.”

“He who taught it was crucified.”

“He will come, and his name will be the man-god.”

“The god-man?”

“The man-god. That’s the difference.”

Stavrogin’s examples are based on things he’s done. Kirillov isn’t aware of these deeds, but he does know his friend’s mind better than most of their other friends. The problem is that Kirillov refuses to truly act on this empathy, to accept that men can be scoundrels and good, because he wants what he believes (that all are good) to be so. Kirillov’s too consumed with his desire to end the world (hello Fyodor) to save mankind via proving himself free to actually use his empathy to help his friends. In fact, the murderer points out to Kirillov that if he’d focused more on his friend, he might have been able to prevent the murder. 

A similar attitude is reflected in Fyodor’s desire to destroy ability-users (i.e. end the world) and in his interactions with people. He doesn’t put his empathy into forming actual connections, and those he has he deliberately does not invest in (such as when he kills the kid in his introductory chapter). He kills ability users paradoxically because he cares about them and about other people. I wrote about it a bit in this meta here:

Fyodor... lives very much in a world of black and white. He makes Goncharov happy all the time, unable to experience pain or negative emotions. He believes all ability users are a sin and should be destroyed. He’s an idealist in a lot of ways, believing in absolutes (which is also a hallmark of a childish perspective...).  he wants to... force every single ability user to feel his pain (that their abilities are a sin) by wiping them out. In short, Fyodor wants empathy despite refusing to listen to the feelings of others. (He understands their feelings; he just chooses to emphasize his pain over theirs.) 

Unlike Kirillov, however, whose last scene is renowned as “the most harrowing in all of literature” (I can’t even describe it; it has to be read) I think there’s pretty good reason to hope that Fyodor and Gogol will not end up taking each other out. Because the thing about Kirillov, the reason his character resonates so much with me, is the second reason his plans are almost disrupted: it’s how desperately he wants to live. He just wants to know that his life matters. The way Kirillov expresses these desires is absurd in a lot of ways and certainly hyperbolic, but it’s a desire reflected in most of BSD’s characters, and in, well, a lot of us in real life, too. 

Empathy and genuine human connection are the greatest powers in BSD’s world, as we saw recently through Atsushi getting the location of the page from empathizing with Sigma by telling him what he most wanted to know: that he mattered. 

Sigma now knows, to an extent, that he matters. At least, he’s been told as much.  

Gogol states that Sigma is key to his plans succeeding: Sigma’s ability can tell him Fyodor’s ability, which will enable Gogol to kill Fyodor. Except... Sigma’s ability might just work in an way that cultivates empathy post-connection with Atsushi. If Sigma can trust that he matters, despite having been created by the page and having been abused and subjected to all manner of lies and exploitation, he might be key to Fyodor and Gogol’s conflict resolution rather than to them actually killing each other.

Fyodor matters despite having an ability that seems to make him unable to touch people--because he can touch people with his empathy. (His empathy is, of course, literally what draws Gogol to want to kill him.) Fyodor’s empathy with Gogol has already physically saved Gogol.

Gogol matters even if he is understood by someone, because empathy is a strength and not a weakness. Someone understanding him doesn’t make him matter less, and being bound by feelings isn’t actually a bad thing. His connection with Fyodor has already saved his life.

Both Fyodor and Gogol have now saved Sigma at some point. Sigma’s design, of course, is literally split with two different colored halves of his hair, indicating that the artist likely means to symbolize the clash of two halves (see: Q, who represents how soukoku (Dazai and Chuuya) are two halves of a whole in terms of their best and worst traits). However, they exist in one person, and Sigma seems reasonably stable for someone with his situation. 

Additionally, Fyodor and Gogol both are also somewhat modeled after Rodion Raskolnikov, the protagonist of Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, whose name literally means “split” in Russian. (Actually, Kirillov is very much a more internal, tragic version of Raskolnikov.) Like Kirillov, Raskolnikov is a paradox embodied: he’s stunningly empathetic and kind (rushing into a burning building to save orphans), but his philosophy is that it’s fine for him to kill others because he’s a “Napoleon” (special figure; “man-god,” to use Kirillov’s term). 

But what is split is ultimately made whole in Crime and Punishment. Raskolnikov meditates on the raising of Lazarus from the dead and essentially resurrects himself, redeems himself. 

I highly doubt Gogol and Fyodor’s story will end with them dead because:

It’s BSD and nobody stays dead unless you’re Oda or a red shirt; 

Gogol and Sigma have already served us fake-out deaths, so it’s a lot to ask your audience to buy another death from the same character (killing Fyodor is essentially Gogol killing himself);

them surviving and having Fitzgerald-esque redemption arcs very much fits with the themes of Dostoyevsky’s works and specifically with the book after which Fyodor’s ability is named;

resurrection seems to be a motif with everything involving Fyodor, from Cannibalism to this current arc.

[aj-anime-blog]

To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts - Review!

First review here we go!!

So, after being completely and utterly obsessed with Jujutsu Kaisen and AOT season 4, I decided to check out MAPPA studios and watch a bunch of stuff from their roster. My so-called "MAPPA binge" included this strange and unknown piece: Katsute Kami Datta Kemono-tachi e, or in English, To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts. An adaption of a manga originally released in Bessatsu Shounen (you might recognize this as the magazine that released Attack on Titan!), it looked pretty promising. I do have to admit that I didn't read a page of this anime's manga, though the art style on it looks gorgeous!!

The concept behind the show: A war has torn two halves of a nation apart, split into the North and the South. The Northerners, who were previously greatly outnumbered in battle, created a half-human, half-beast species known as "Incarnates" because of their God-like abilities. But the Incarnates begin having some issues when their beast forms take over their bodies, turning them into monsters. When the war ends, our protagonist, Hugh Hank, an Incarnate and previous captain of the Incarnate squad, swears to kill all of his mutating Incarnate buddies before they can destroy the world.

This review will not contain spoilers until the labeled "Spoiler" section at the bottom.

In general, what do I think?: 4/10, this show kinda sucked. Ouch! I hate being that blunt! Especially on my first review here! But To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts (let's call it TTASB from here on out!) had glaring flaws that, while it did hold up as a show, made it uninteresting and hard to love. Not only were the characters mediocre and boring, but the show seemed to contradict itself and its own opinion of the Incarnates all the time! Are they bloodthirsty monsters that need to be killed? Are they misunderstood humans who should be given peace? I don't know! Our main characters don't seem to either! Other than the "war bad" motif that gets shoved down your throat from episode one, the show felt stagnant in what it was trying to make the audience feel.

I hate being so cynical about it, though, because it does still earn those 4 points! Even though a lot of it falls flat, as a whole, it's still an ok show! Hank and Schaal have good concepts and their dilemmas are interesting in certain parts when the writers manage to nail pits and pieces of their development! The fight scenes were cool and I think that the concept for the world was neat! And the show does have a pretty cool title. Let's be honest, To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts sounds super metal.

So what about those characters?: 5/10! Hugh Hank and Schaal are our two main protags for the show, and they both have pretty interesting concepts! Hank is an Incarnate, he used to be the leader of the other Incarnates, and he made a vow with them that when they lost their minds, he would kill them himself. Schaal is the daughter of one of these Incarnates that fought under Hank. Interesting, right?! How could these two opposing characters get along with one another?

TTASB tries to give the two of them a sort of grumpy-old-mentor-teaches-a-cheery-youngster relationship (which, admittedly, is one of my favorite tropes) and manages to forget everything good about having this kind of relationship. To start, it feels like Schaal has next to no reason to be tolerating Hank, and vice versa. She follows him around because *insert some excuse about understanding the Incarnates?* and Hank lets her because *insert I really don't know*. It really feels like Schaal doesn't need to be there, and she's just a plot device to move along Hank's character development.

Then, the two of them never really interact in ways that really moved me. It never felt like they made a deeper connection that meant something to the plot. They interacted, sure. They spoke about their issues, yeah. But it never felt like Hank needed Schaal, or that Schaal was emotionally tied to Hank, until the show spoonfed it to you that they were.

In the end, neither of their developments felt compelling or interesting. There were a few scenes that maybe, if you squinted, hinted towards them growing as people, but for a 12 episode anime, it was very menial. It also felt like said scenes were fairly forced, with their development not really leading them to the point that they ended up at. Again, TTASB has a bit of an issue with contradicting itself.

The villain was so meh. He has a motive, yeah. It's pretty lame. He's not compelling at all. Nothing about him is interesting or kept me hooked on him. The show probably could've existed without him, to be entirely honest. I don't really have much else to say about him! I just did not really care about him at all.

The best characters in the show are hands-down the supporting cast of Incarnates. Each one has fairly interesting motivations, and even though they're only given an episode or so to tell their stories, they feel the most genuine. My biggest qualm with them is that the show doesn't build their connection to Hugh Hank at all, so when he gets emotional over them, you're kind of like "uhhh u know this guy??". More about this down in our spoilers section, as I'll go over a scene where this is prominent.

So characters were meh, but what about the story itself?: 4/10, just as meh. Again, very interesting! Lots of potential! But it fell flat where it mattered. To be clear, just before we dig deeper: the 12 episodes of TTASB isn't the entire story. It's clearly intended to be continued, though, as of writing this, I haven't been able to dig up any news about a potential season 2.

I don't really mind if animes aren't completely original, as long as they're fun, but TTASB didn't really do that. A lot of the episodes felt boring and reused like it was a watered-down copy-paste of other material. Some episodes were repetitive and seemed to be trying to hammer in the same themes, only to be later contradicted by other episodes. TTASB will spend a few episodes showing you how misunderstood and sweet the Incarnates are and then have an episode where an Incarnate murders a bunch of people. I would love it if it was, in any way, shape, or form, sarcastic, but it is not. TTASB just thinks it can get away with the blatant disregarding of its own morals. It only ends up feeling disconnecting and frustrating.

It follows an almost monster-of-the-week style format for introducing the Incarnates, which does them a bit of a disservice, in my opinion. I really would have liked it if there was a bit more overlap between the Incarnates and their stories! We know that they're all very close (or, at least, the show tells us that they are without really showing us) so seeing them interact with one another outside of their respective episode would've been fun!

The story tries to be darker and grimier than it actually is. I didn't end up caring much for the nation itself and much of the politics that the show tried to utilize felt boring and, again, watered-down. It felt like the show wanted to make it a political drama about war and human rights and only ended up shying away from what makes those genres impactful. Again, this isn't to say that TTASB's story is bad, it's just not as good as it could've been.

But it's MAPPA, so the art has to be good, right?: Yeah! Art was cool! Nothing golden, like MAPPA's newer stuff, but a solid 7/10! The fight scenes were nice, and even though a lot of them felt redundant to watch, they were still smooth! I have some qualms about a few of the Incarnates' beast forms (especially Hank's) looking like they belong back in 2001, but they still looked cool nonetheless.

I don't really have much to say on this front! Nothing really blew me away, but I never looked at the screen and winced away.

Ok and finally, pacing!: 4/10. 12 episode animes always have tricky pacing to them. I like to think about the show being pretty much only 5 hours long, which isn't that much time to cram in as much story and plot as they might want to. Overall, TTASB actually had pretty decent pacing, with a long enough build-up that led to a final showdown. If you ask me, I do think there was a pacing problem in the second half, as it felt far too stretched out, but that could've just been my perception of it.

My biggest issue with pacing loops back to the characters again. They're never really given time to explore or build up relationships. Especially not Hank and his prior team of Incarnates. I think that there should've been more screen time dedicated to their time in the army, to better explain the emotional distress that he's going through as he's forced to hunt them down. Instead, TTASB relies on a throwaway line or scene to deliver this emotional blow, and it nearly always falls flat.

Music!!!!: 6/10, The soundtrack in this anime really wasn't memorable and I don't remember much from it. Whoops!

I did like the opening a bit! It was done by Mafumafu, who I think has done a Pokemon intro song? Either way, it was energetic and fit the theme of the show well! The ending is also a bop, now that I'm thinking about it! It manages to be nostalgic and sad without being too slow! So good music on both fronts!!

OK, now we're in spoiler territory! Be warned!

I don't have too much to say regarding spoilers. Nothing in the show really feels important enough that I have to mention it under a spoiler tag. A few small notes, I suppose.

The show treats Hank like the more important character but then throws him away in his "death" to focus on Schaal, which was a very frustrating episode. Schaal felt so bland and useless in it, even when she faced her father again. Bringing him back to life felt like a sad excuse to force her into character development. I did like it when she found the courage to shoot him, but I also thought that it wasn't really as emotional as the show wanted it to be.

Hank's connection with Schaal, particularly in the second half, feels completely unnatural and forced. When she gets kidnapped, he has some sort of mental breakdown over her and it, if anything, felt creepy. It was undeserved and was forced down your throat rather than built.

Beatrice was the best character in the show and I think that if they stuck to ideas like hers (misunderstood creatures who just want to go back to their old lives), the story would have been much better. Instead, you switch to characters like the Gargoyle Incarnate, who just goes on a murder spree, and it ruins a lot of the development that Beatrice brought to the table.

& our deep deep look at one part: Forgive me if I get this screwed up a bit, it's been a weekish since I finished the show and my brain dumped out all details of it already.

Hugh Hank goes to the mountains and fights the Garmr Incarnate, Rex (Roy? I'm a bit confused on his name), in an epic show-down. Obviously, at the end of it, Hank wins, killing Rex. Now, if you're like me, you sat there for most of the fight going "who tf is Rex and why is this battle important?" and only at the very END, when he's dying, do you see a clip that you might remember from the very beginning of the anime, with Rex talking about Schaal. You go "oohhh I know who he is!" but you wished that you remembered this ten minutes ago when the fight started because it would've been so much more impactful. The show didn't remind you of this scene. It didn't tell you that Rex was this same person that you already met. It expected you to remember, and I didn't. This scene sums up a lot of the character problems with the show, where even if something does have emotional weight, the show doesn't act on it.

Now we're done!: Sorry if this was harsh, but that's my full review on To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts! I'd love to hear if you agree with me or think that I'm totally wrong! If you've read the manga, tell me if it's better or worth a read! And thanks for reading!

(The crossed-out "Hugh"s are all of the times that I got Hank's name wrong! I'm not super great with character names, but I always take it as a bad sign when I screw up the name. )

[astralsweetness]

Gravity (Jinho/Reader/Hyunggu)(m)

➣ I have never once thought about this duo outside of duets before this damn song - which I had to translate by hand because I couldn’t find any English lyrics for it. >_> thank you @re-sugance and @forevertrashforbae for letting me show off my translation afterwards like a proud kid lmao

➣ Reader is domme. I accept nothing less. | Warnings include: mentions of drinking, multiple descriptions of various sexual encounters, humiliation, handjob, blowjob, cockwarming, choking (slight), noona kink (kind of, it’s more of a title in general and less sexual), pain kink, mentions of spanking, multiple orgasms, edging, overstimulation, pegging, referenced size kink, exhibitionism (slight), biting, jfc it’s a lot but it’s all consensual | This is basically just a collection of different little scenes in the life of a Jinho/Reader/Hyunggu relationship 👀 If there’s typos I’ll just throw myself off a cliff because I can’t be bothered to proof-read, yikes

➣ “You’re making me nervous, kiss me slowly. You teach me love.”

You notice two minutes into the night that they are orbiting around you like planets, never straying too far nor too close. The bartender gives you a sympathetic smile but says nothing – no doubt he thinks you’re being hounded by two boys trying to win your heart.

The assumption wasn’t too far off, to be honest, but they’d already acquired your affections long ago.

The weight of the wine on your tongue was only mildly unpleasant – it was too sweet for your liking, but you felt their gazes on you every time you tilted your head back to swallow it, so you kept drinking. You noticed that while both of them were matching you drink for drink only Hyunggu was becoming more competitive – Jinho seemed more than willing to take a passive, backseat role to any flirtation. You didn’t necessarily blame him, either. Hyunggu got fiercely competitive when he got a few drinks in him (and it wasn’t like you were going to give one of them more attention than the other anyway).

“Noona.” Age had long ago lost its meaning to the three of you – noona was a title of honor, of power, one only occasionally used. Hyunggu slid into the seat next to you, finally taking the plunge to enter your orbit. He bites his lip in a way he knows makes him look sexy, looks at you through his lashes in an attempt to be seductive and demure. His body language aside from that is too open though, too cocky and commanding, so you don’t reward him with your full attention, keeping your gaze ahead.

“Yes, Hyunggu?”

You can see his pout from your peripheral and you hide your little smile behind another sip of red liquid. He was absolutely adorable sometimes, and oh so easy to play.

“You’re being mean.” He’s instantly sulking, and you just laugh softly at him, toying with the rim of your wine glass. “And you’re laughing at me -”

“Lots of people laugh at you.” Jinho has suddenly decided to appear – he looks somehow more at ease with a drink in his hand than he should, and suddenly Hyunggu is focused on him instead, like he hadn’t noticed what Jinho had looked like all night because he’d been so focused on you.

It’s endearing, you think, to watch the way his eyes gloss over as he takes in his hyung’s visage – you wonder if that’s how you look when you stare at either of them.

Hyunggu, always more proactive than either of you, takes the initiative and leans forward – you’re not sure if he actually says anything to Jinho or just breathes against his ear, but the elder stiffens and his gaze drifts, suddenly unsteady. His fingers stay curled around the stem of his glass until you gently pry them away, and then he stuffs them into his pocket where you can’t see if they’re clenched tight or trembling.

“He’s so easy to get riled up.” Hyunggu says this to you like it’s a secret he’s sharing, and you grin and nod at him, happy to pretend like you’re both conspiring together. Jinho just swallows hard and watches you both, the tables turned on him so suddenly that he’s not sure what to do except stand beside the two of you who were still sitting at the bar.

“We should take him home.” Your words could mean so many things, but to Hyunggu it’s a promise of fun and to Jinho a promise to be wrecked. You get a nod from Hyunggu in response, who leans in close to Jinho again, close enough to kiss – Jinho’s eyes flutter but Hyunggu just pulls away, drawing the elder towards him as he heads towards the exit like a moth to a flame.

The bartender seems thoroughly confused with the way this has turned out, but you just smile and place down the payment for the drinks, in an extremely good mood. It wasn’t like the two rarely got along, but it was always fun when Jinho was the one thrown off balance instead of Hyunggu.

Still, in the end, you were the one who always had the last say. It’s that knowledge that fills you with a power that makes you feel weightless as you move through the room, smile turning dangerous when you see your two boys waiting for you obediently at the door.

.｡..｡.

It’s ten at night in some hotel room, and you’re busy edging Hyunggu while Jinho lounges serenely to the side. The energy in the space around you is a strange mixture of sleepy contentment and electric tension. You absolutely love the dichotomy between the two halves of the room, love and lust managing to coexist at the same time, similar but oh-so-separate from one another.

“You really get off on this, don’t you?” Your taunting cuts straight to Hyunggu’s core and his hips jerk under you, cock red and weeping viscous pre-cum into your hand. “Being so debauched and whorish with your hyung right over there, listening to it all. It just gets to you, doesn’t it, having one of your bandmates watch you get put in your place.”

“Dirty~” Jinho hums from his own hotel bed, impossibly cheerful as he flips between channels on the TV. He’s not really actively watching the two of you, though his gaze does occasionally flick over to look. Hyunggu just lets out a thoroughly pitiful sounding sob in response, twisting to try to bury his face in the pillow his head rested on – your hand on his neck stops him from twisting too far and he gasps, face red from a heady mixture of humiliation and arousal.

“Ple-ase –” Hyunggu is begging for you to stop, for you to touch him, for you to keep talking – he’s really not even sure what for at this point but he babbles anyway, tears collecting in his lashes, unshed.

“What does it feel like, knowing every time he sees you on stage, or has to sing a duet with you, he’ll just remember you moaning and begging to cum like some sort of slut?”

“Every time I see him on stage I’ll only be able to think about this.” Jinho confirms, voice chipper and upbeat, always ready to help you out – Hyunggu’s fingernails dig into your arm as he explodes, throwing his head back, painting his upper chest white. His hips stutter beneath your hands long after the initial orgasm and you lovingly swipe your finger back and forth over the head of his cock until he’s shaking and locking his jaw, cumming a second time from your teasing ministrations. The second time is weaker than the first, but he still bucks at the sensation, moans more like pleading sobs now as the orgasmic fire burns him from the inside.

Covered in sweat and cum, dark hair plastered to his forehead with tear-tracks on his face and spit-slicked lips – Hyunggu is wrecked and he stares at you unfocusedly, gaze drifting around the hotel room unsteadily as he comes back to himself. His grip on your arm has loosened but he hasn’t released you entirely, so you uncurl his fingers from your forearm and kiss his knuckles lovingly.

“You came a lot.” Jinho appears at the side of the bed, inquisitive and unbothered by the wreck that was his dongsaeng. “Woooow.” He drags the word out, sliding one digit through the mess of cum and sweat that had collected in the other’s collarbones. Hyunggu, ever so sensitive, shivers from the mere contact alone, his eyes fluttering open. As exhausted as he is, he looks at his hyung hungrily – you’re amused, and go about gathering his attention again. You know his body better than he does and he’s at his physical limit right now.

“He did well, right Jinho?” Your praise is followed by a kiss pressed to the younger’s hairline, and a responding sound of acknowledgement from the elder who cards fingers softly through Hyunggu’s hair. He’s a bit disappointed that Jinho didn’t take his bait but he settles down with a sigh pushed out through his nose, tilting his head back invitingly as you run a damp washcloth across the skin there.

.｡..｡.

“Open.” You command Jinho and he looks up from his phone in confusion, dutifully opening his mouth anyway. His face lights up into a brilliant smile when you place a square of chocolate onto his pink tongue. Sweat sticks his clothes to his body and his hair to his forehead, and you think he is stunning.

“You’re ruining my diet.” He reminds you, focus back on his phone but smile still on his lips. You can tell he doesn’t mind your little interference overly much.

To be honest, maybe you were trying to ruin his diet – recently you’d noticed that whenever Hyunggu stretched you were able to count the individual ribs beneath the skin of his sternum, and it kicked your protective instincts into overdrive. You didn’t want either of your boys suffering like that, and while Jinho wasn’t nearly as thin that didn’t mean he was at a healthy weight. (You didn’t want any of their brothers in the same boat either. When you’d walked back-stage you’d given each of them some sort of candy or treat – even Hongseok, who you were sure had accepted just to make you happy. You were the favorite noona of the day because of that.)

Hyunggu had managed to escape you though, already off to get his makeup removed after the concert, so now you were sitting cross-legged beside Jinho, watching him watch his phone. He’d flick his gaze over to you every now and then, small smile widening when he saw you were still focused on him.

“You did well.” You praise, and he smiles with teeth and dips his head at you as he says his thanks. You always praised him after every performance and he always reacted just as genuinely as the first time. It makes your heart hurt with how much you love him.

When Hui sidles up beside you both you think he’s after more of your chocolate – you’re reaching for it when he nudges your shoulder, posture relaxed and open despite the knowing smirk adorning his face.

“We’ll be leaving soon, maybe twenty-five minutes or so.” It’s such a casual statement but his eyes glitter with amusement – he was probably the best wingman anyone could ask for, and you make a mental promise to think of a way to pay him back later. In the meantime you settle for thanking and giving him the remaining candy - he just laughs and says that he’ll probably get accosted now by everyone else instead of you. (Which works well towards your sudden plan, you both know.)

It takes another five minutes after that before you gently tug Jinho towards one of the many utility closets in the winding underbelly of the building, dodging past stylists and backstage workers who couldn’t care less where the two of you were headed so long as it didn’t interfere with their own job.

He whines at you that it’s a bad idea but almost outpaces you when you slow down, sulking as you pause to let a group slip by you, sweatier than Jinho, fresh off the stage. His gaze follows them for a split second, as if suddenly realizing where he was, before he goes right back to sulking.

In the closet he shifts from sulky indignance to compliant submissiveness, tilts his head to the side invitingly for your lips to press upon his pulse point. It’s always hard to refuse him when he’s like this, but you do anyway, pushing at his shoulders gently to back him up as far as he can go in the small space.

“You have makeup all over you, baby. I’m not putting my mouth anywhere above your neck.” Your words are, of course, met with a whine, but you place a finger against his lips to quiet him. When you pull it away it’s tinged slightly pink from the lip tint, silently proving your point. “Everyone would know if you went back out there with everything suddenly smudged.”

“Then what –“ He’s just so absolutely sulky that you can’t help but reach for his arm, pressing kisses to his forearm, up to his bicep. He goes silent instantly, swallowing hard, eyes wide. Simply kissing like this shouldn’t have been so.. erotic.

You can feel him stiffening against your thigh with every graze of your teeth over thin skin, and when he begins trying to grind against your leg you hike it up higher, watching with a piercing gaze as he tries not to make eye-contact with you. The way his eyes dart as he gets himself off gives you a warm feeling that coils contentedly in your chest, one that only grows whenever he locks eyes with you and instantly looks away, cheeks darkening.

His breath stutters and almost full-on stops when you reach for his slim-fitted pants – there’s not much room but you fit your hand inside anyway, not bothering to pull them down. Your thumb presses into his slit, leaking pre-cum, and he mewls pitifully at the feeling.

“Ahnn-n-no..” He tries to object but it’s a weak whisper, and his fingers curling around your wrist draw you closer instead of pushing you away. You step in front of him, slot one of your hips against his to pin him against the back wall, even as your hand continues its steady motion.

“No? Jinho, sweetie, do you want me to stop?” The words are spoken into the heated air between the two of you, and while you’d much rather say them into the soft skin of his neck you want him to be able to properly verbalize his response.

It’s a moot point anyhow, because he just squints his eyes shut and shakes his head quickly, almost frantically. His fingers tighten around your hand, as if afraid you’d decide this was a bad idea and leave him high and dry.

He didn’t need to worry about that – you nudge aside the collar of his ridiculously sequined stage jacket, nip at his inner shoulder. He tastes of sweat and bruises easily, arches into any of the sensations you deign to give him. The heat around your hand, shoved down the front of his pants, is humid and wet and you let him thrust into the loose ring your fingers have become, watching with predatory eyes as he ruts against your hand like some sort of horny teen, comes undone and bites hard into his wrist to stay quiet. (You sink your own teeth into the opposite side of his wrist and his moan manages to get out anyway, all of his weight against the wall as he fights to keep from collapsing.)

It takes little to no time at all to make yourself presentable again, but Jinho is a different story – no matter how outwardly casual he looks his gaze is still glassy, and dual teeth-marks dot one of his hands.

When you exit the closet Jinho tries to melt into your side, inconspicuous, when the maknae trio comes up to you to thank you again for the chocolate (even if Hyunggu hadn’t taken any in the beginning). You know he wants to escape to the bathroom right away to clean up and become orderly again, but he’s caged in by three of his dongsaengs, so he instead tries to take solace in the warmth of standing so close to you. In a distant corner of the room you can see Shinwon has, as predicted, stolen most of the candy you’d given to Hui.

It’s mostly Wooseok who’s thanking you, all big eyes and admiration, while Yuto stands slightly to the side murmuring his own thanks shyly whenever you turn your full focus to him. You find them both adorable, this youthful infatuation they have for you absolutely endearing.

Hyunggu just finds it funny, arms crossed as he watches them, Wooseok unable to stop talking and Yuto unable to talk at all. His gaze is stolen by Jinho though, and it takes him all of five seconds to send you an accusatory glance after taking in the way Jinho is still slightly red-faced, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably, gaze flicking between different occupants of the room at random intervals.

You just send him a serene smile. If he hadn’t avoided you earlier then that could have been him.

.｡..｡.

It was a running joke that Hyunggu was overly sensitive, cried too easily – you were used to seeing him tear up suddenly at some sweet thing either of you did or said to him. Jinho teased him relentlessly for it, poking at his cheek playfully while calling him ‘the cutest baby’. (The irony was not lost on any of you that Jinho was arguably smaller and more baby-like than anyone in the room, but it always made Hyunggu smile again anyway, which was the aim of the comment.)

During sex he cried just as easily, quick to tears if edged or over-stimulated, full on sobbing whenever he got the paddle. It was one of your favorite things about him, how responsive he was to everything, how unashamed of these things he was.

So, in short, Hyunggu crying was never really an issue and usually not a cause for concern.

It’s when you get home and he sees you, smiling and shining with love seconds before he crumples, voice evaporating midway through “welcome back” that you know there’s something seriously wrong.

He’s not laughing it off, his fingers clenched into fists as he ducks his head and clenches his eyes shut, shoulders hunched and bending inwards as if he was trying to physically protect his vulnerable front from the world. He tries to speak again and ends up just cramming one of his fists against his teeth, trembling.

“Oh, honey..” You have to draw him into your arms since he doesn’t move towards you at all, and he resists at first, keeping his arms stiff at his sides while simply resting his forehead on your shoulder. “What happened?”

It’s your question that gets to him, and he melts into your warmth, hands flying up to clutch at your sweater. You cup the back of his head and let him cry into your neck, his sobs nearly silent but still just loud enough you can hear them.

It’s breaking your fucking heart.

He never does answer your questions, just eventually stops crying and keeps his arms wrapped around you while you go about your tasks until you finally give up and sit down on the couch with him, letting him curl against your side. He falls asleep almost instantly, tear tracks on his face at heartbreaking odds with how relaxed he now looks.

When you ask Jinho about it later you get vague explanations – the elder is clearly keeping anything regarding the issue close to his chest, and eventually you stop pressing. As annoying as it was to not know, you understood why he was so intent on keeping it private, especially if it involved their career. (And while his not-an-answer-answer didn’t totally sate your worry, you knew Jinho was just as capable of taking care of Hyunggu as you were, and you trusted him to make these kinds of decisions just as he trusted you to do the same.)

Later that night Hyunggu automatically gets the middle position in bed – he blushes intensely at the combined concentration on him, usually so cocky about being the center of attention but shy this time in the wake of his breakdown, hides his flush in Jinho’s shoulder as you kiss down his neck with tongue and teeth.

Everything is kept soft that night, sweet and sensual, and when Jinho slots his mouth against Hyunggu’s you watch them in a sort of lovestruck daze. Despite all the hardships, you really never thought it possible to feel this happy and content in life.

.｡..｡.

You press a hand on Jinho’s lower back and force him into more of an arch, fucking into him aggressively – he splays out his hand in front of him and sobs, cock dangling heavy and abused between he and the wall. His hands are in fists after having been ordered not to touch himself, and it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard when all he wants is to reach down and wrap his fingers around himself, a single touch is really all he needs to finally get the release he’s seeking –

It’s almost painful, how often you can hit his prostate dead-on with your infamous strap-on, and he bites his tongue hard enough he tastes blood. A few rooms away are the rest of his members, Hyunggu included, and while it wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t been caught before (you were still apologizing to Changgu for what he’d walked in on) it still sent a sharp thrill down to his stomach to try not to get caught again.

Not that it was easy – he wasn’t exactly known for his deep or quiet voice. You were pretty sure he’d been heard more often than you’d been caught.

“I’m –“ His voice is thin, and he has to swallow once before beginning again, body stiffening after a particularly hard thrust. “I’m so – so close..” The moans he’d been fighting so hard to keep silent slip from his mouth as you sink your teeth into his shoulder, stalling your hips in favor of taking his cock in hand. In seconds his release is covering your hand, dripping down your knuckles – he reaches to help keep the mess minimal but ends up just gripping your wrist tightly, head lolling back and eyes closing.

Jinho slides down the wall to his knees once you pull out, full-body trembling as he rests his forehead against the smooth, cool surface. He’s breathing hard, shoulders heaving as he sucks in deep breaths. Your rake your fingers through his hair and he lets out one last soft moan at the feeling, how impossibly tender you are with him now that you’d completely wrecked him.

“You did well.” Your praise is like a physical balm to his exhausted body, the kiss you drop onto his lips as you hand over tissues a type of physical warmth that envelopes him and makes it impossible for a content smile not to linger on his face.

You can’t help but laugh softly after checking your phone, which garners Jinho’s attention as he pulls his clothes back on. When you show him your screen he just smiles even more and murmurs something softly about sensitive maknaes always needing attention, a scoff to his voice that doesn’t quite match his fond expression.

Hui’s text to you is stark black against the white background: Whenever you’re done corrupting our hyung you need to come out here and console Hyunggu, he’s been sulking ever since he realized what you two were doing :(

.｡..｡.

Hyunggu makes a soft sound and you glance up at him, knee beside your face bouncing anxiously – he’s looking back at you dazedly, dark hair ruffled from where he’d pushed his hand through it moments before. His teeth dig into his bottom lip and his fingers curl against the edge of the studio’s desk. His phone sits forgotten somewhere on its surface, his promise to start a V Live completely abandoned. An old recording of a live performance from Ella Fitzgerald plays quietly in the background, a track he’d intended to use as background music for the stream.

You smile and rest your head against his thigh, thumbing the head of his cock lovingly, reveling in the way his hips roll minutely into it. His breathing has turned harsh and all you’ve done so far was wrap your hand around him.

“You knew what I was going to do when I got down here.” While you’re speaking his hand reaches towards you, but a sharp glance has it hesitantly freezing before gripping the arm of the chair instead. “Didn’t you?”

He swallows hard once and nods, eyes so infinitely dark that the light reflects off of them in little astral bursts. “Y-yeah..” His voice is rough, and you drink in the sound of it. “I just – I mean, it was kind of.. hard to imagine – to come to terms with you really doing it..”

“Relax.” Your murmur is soft, and he glances at the studio door once – the unlocked studio door. He makes no move to change that. “I just want you to feel good before you meet Universe, yeah? You look so tense right now that you’d just worry them.”

You know some of the tension is because you’re right there, mouth inches from his cock and fingers looped loosely around it, but you can’t accredit yourself for all of it. He’s been undeniably strained ever since the fansign was canceled, a tightness to his shoulders every time they had to go out and perform for the cameras without an audience to dance for –  not to mention the fact that ever since promotions had started he’d kept himself busy enough that the two of you hadn’t had any solo time together for about two weeks.

“So, I’m going to make you orgasm.” You say it straight-forwardly, eyebrows raised, waiting for an objection – you never get one. Hyunggu instead just shifts lower into his seat, trying to mentally prepare himself.

He knows, the moment he feels the first blindingly hot stripe licked up his cock, that he could never have been prepared.

Two weeks of abstinence has left him sensitive and more desperate than he realized, and he’s almost embarrassed by how quickly turned on he gets, the feeling of his pre-cum mixing with your saliva making his head spin.

One of his hands is half-covering his face while the other clutches at his side in a desperate attempt to hold on to something, anything – when you offer your hand it takes mere seconds before his fingers are interlacing with your own, a grounding, loving connection even as you hollow your cheeks and take him deeper.

He swears he’s fucking dying.

There’s a fire in his stomach, pure white-hot flames licking at his muscles, his skin, causing sweat to collect under his shirt, and the tightness in his shoulders and neck can’t compete with the feeling building up in his hips, bone-deep and aching. He can’t do much else than breathe harshly out through his nose, eyes falling shut. It was too much effort, energy, and focus to keep them open, and he feels so completely ripped apart by your tongue and lips and fucking mouth that any of the usual sounds he makes have been stolen from him, replaced by wheezing gasps of pleasured pain.

He doesn’t manage to warn you he’s close verbally, but you recognize it anyway – his entire body locks, fingers crushing your own, and you have just enough time to pull your mouth off of him so he can cum in your hand.

Between each gasping heave of his chest he murmurs a thank you, until his words run together and he bites his tongue to stop from sounding like even more of a fool in front of you. He can feel your lips pressing tender kisses against his cock even as you clean your hand off, and he can’t stop the way he shakes at the feeling.

Tears are caught in his lashes by the time you’re finished, and you cup his feverish face in your hands and draw him towards you, pressing more kisses against his eyelids. He is an absolute wreck, emotionally and physically, so when you try to remove your hands and he grasps for them and keeps them pressed to his collar you let him do as he pleases.

“You feel better, sweetheart?” Your words aren’t answered, but you keep talking all the same. “You’re so beautiful, you know that? Perfect and wonderful and talented, and so so good. You know I love you, right? Because I do, so much, Hyunggu, I love you so much.”

He sniffs, finally pulling one of his hands away to scrub furiously at his face, a watery sounding laugh escaping him – and you know he’s okay now, safe to be left on his own. Still, you linger in the room until he’s fully composed, checking his appearance in his phone’s camera. When he catches you watching him through it he smiles, a genuine smile that drags at your heart and makes your knees feel weak.

“I love you too.” He’s saying it late, but that doesn’t mean he means it any less. When you press your lips to his all you can think of is how you’d give anything to make sure he kept smiling like that.

.｡..｡.

Love, you think, can be shown in many different ways. One of the biggest is seeing Jinho under the covers, nestled down on his phone, waiting for you to come and join him before he falls asleep.

“You should have gone to sleep!” Your chiding is gentle and so affectionate that it loses any edge you’d wanted it to have had. “You’ve been complaining about being tired so often – why wouldn’t you take advantage of any free time you had?”

“It’ll be better with you.” His answer is so direct and short that you can’t help but laugh – his face crinkles into a smile at the sound, and he pats the empty space next to him invitingly.

By the time you’re ready to crawl into bed with him he’s become restless, and as soon as you’re semi-laying down you find yourself being clung to. His head rests easily on your chest, fingers curling into your night-shirt, lashes dark against his skin as he heaves a sigh that relaxes his entire body.

“Sweet dreams.” You whisper your words into his hair, one hand at the base of his skull and the other on his back. He doesn’t respond with much more than an acknowledging hum, already slipping into a deep sleep.

You’re not tired at all, but you settle down anyway, content with stroking fingers through his hair. The resulting silence is almost suffocating, but you don’t find it uncomfortable – there’s a warmth in your bones that isn’t from the blankets or the body on top of you, a harsh lurch in your chest that flows through your veins. It’s almost staggering how much you care for the man asleep on you.

Yes, love didn’t have to be verbally exclaimed. Actions could show your devotion to someone just as well.

.｡..｡.

“Stay still now, honey.” You smooth a hand over Hyunggu’s sweat slicked chest, his breathing an endless staccato that matched in time with the fluttering of your innermost walls around his thoroughly abused cock. “Just relax.”

It was so easy for you to say that, laying yourself down on top of him and pillowing your head on your forearms across his collarbones, a comforting weight that would have been soothing if not for the blinding heat surrounding him. Every time he started to relax one of you would shift and painful electric shocks would shoot through his nerves all over again.

“I’m not good at this sort of thing..!” Hyunggu’s mewls are lost to your lips, and he switches from whining with words to letting out pathetic sounds into your mouth, pliant despite his protests. He can already feel himself hardening again despite knowing it wasn’t what you wanted.

“Baby, I’m not in the mood to go again.” Pet-names flow from your mouth like a stream as you apologize, pressing kisses against his cheeks and temple. “I thought you’d be able to handle this sort of thing by now.” More kisses are dotted in between his shaky “me too”, and his sucked in breath becomes a thin and fragile moan as you slowly rise up and off him. “Maybe you’ll get lucky, sweetheart, and Jinho will –“

“I’m back!” The very first thing he’s greeted with upon arrival is the sight of Hyunggu staring at him hungrily as his essence drips from your slit in viscous rivulets. His cheerful, upbeat demeanor is frozen on his face as a congenial smile, even as his mind flashes to dark places and he swears he can suddenly taste the combined arousals from the both of you on his tongue.

“Broke him.” Hyunggu’s soft laugh is breathless and aroused, even as he pushes himself up and tries to cover his bottom half with the sheets, as if being shielded would make everyone forget about how red and wet his cock was at the moment.

Jinho’s gaze locks with yours briefly, assessing the room – at your small nod his fingers are unzipping his jacket, losing it to the floor somewhere as he tugs his shirt over his head. Fading bruises swarm his naturally tanned skin, still a bit purple but not nearly dark enough for your liking. You’d gotten so much shit for that, from his stylists and bandmates and everyone else except for him who had worn them with a type of embarrassed pride, ducking his head and not looking at all upset that he’d had to cover up for their performance.

The bed dips as he crawls onto it, Hyunggu’s swallow audible in your ear as Jinho reaches for your bare calf tentatively, settles on his stomach and rests his head on your crossed ankles. He’s always been the more obedient one, knowing that he’d end up more satisfied if he played by your rules.

“You should learn from Jinho.” Hyunggu scoffs at your words, wrapping his arms around your waist. You can feel the tension in his forearms threaded across your midriff, the way his hands grip at his own skin to keep himself from taking the pleasure he wants so badly. Jinho, meanwhile, has crawled up your body with the behest of a single one of your fingers hooked beneath his chin, gaze glassy.

“I’ll clean up after him..?” Jinho’s statement shifts to a question last second, dark eyes switching to his dongsaeng briefly – there’s a strange feeling at parodying the hierarchical ladder they usually exist in, the idea that as the eldest hyung Jinho had to clean up after the messes Hyunggu made. It feels.. wrong, in a very satisfying way, to apply that logic to a sexual encounter.

At a nod from you his tongue darts out, tentative and shy at first ��� you let out a sigh of encouragement and contentment, fingers threading through his dark hair. He tilts his head into your hand and closes his eyes, shuffling forward the last few centimeters so he can attach his lips to you. Hyunggu’s chin has come to rest on your shoulder as he watches Jinho work with eyes that are equally dark as they are sparkling, intense hunger for the moment overridden by a sort of awed reverence as he observes how his elder pays tribute to you.

Even once you are clean he doesn’t let up, continues to lap and suck as he was instructed until you are content and release your grip on his hair, fingers trailing down his cheek to his chin. Lips slick with saliva curl into a smile at your gentle touch, eyelids fluttering open.

“Take notes, Hyunggu.” Your words are lost to the younger, who was still staring at Jinho intently with eyes blown wide – whether or not he was going to be able to recollect any of this was up for debate, more likely to remember everything as a blur of sexual need.

“I think he does an okay job already.” Jinho’s voice is slightly rough as he speaks, grinning widely when you shoot him a look before becoming conveniently focused on taking his pants off. Your gaze burns into his back as he does so, filling him with a giddy sort of excitement. He knew you weren’t actually upset, maybe a bit miffed at most.

“Just come here, you mouthy little thing.” You reach out to him and he goes to you instantly, posture suddenly less open, doing his best to fade into your commanding aura. His body language was always so easy for you to read, even without the very obvious sign of his arousal out on full display now.

Jinho nestles onto his back, squirming a bit until he’s comfortable – he doesn’t stop squirming until you wrap an arm around him and guide his head to rest on your inner shoulder, a convenient place for him if you want to be able to drop a kiss to his temple. (Or just an easy way to make him feel small and protected all over, since he could turn his head and have it buried in your chest with your arms around him.)

Hyunggu’s plastered against your back, practically vibrating at this point, his cock an annoying bother poking into your side. Jinho notices his intense gaze and flushes, amused and embarrassed in equal measure.

“I can’t tell if he wants to fuck me or eat me.” Jinho’s comment has Hyunggu flushing this time, ducking his head – it wipes away the ravenous expression that has lingered ever since Jinho got home, replacing it with a type of happy embarrassment. Being teased by one of you always made him feel warm inside, accepted, instead of ridiculed.

“Fuck you.” He promises, and then dips his head to nip at your shoulder impatiently. You can feel his tongue dart out against your skin before he’s trailing open-mouthed kisses towards your neck, too riled up for his own good.

“Then you’re focused on the wrong person..” Jinho’s grumbling is met by your laughter, a gentle tug at the crook of Hyunggu’s arm to direct him away from you and towards his real goal. A bruise blooms along the gentle sweeping of Jinho’s hipbone, left behind by Hyunggu as he gets into position. His fingers frame it nicely, surrounding but never pressing down on it.

“Fuck..” It’s more a whimper than anything else, Jinho’s nails digging into your arm as you press kisses to his furrowed brow. Hyunggu trails his hands up his hyung’s side, willing him to relax, to take all of him. A low groan is tugged from Hyunggu’s chest at the feeling.

Jinho squirms once Hyunggu bottoms out, clearly uncomfortable – it’s not uncommon for him to take a while to acclimate to the stretch, and the two of you have become pros at soothing him until he does. It takes a little while, but between your soft caresses against his face and Hyunggu’s open-mouthed kisses against his neck his shifting becomes more needy and less pained.

To be completely honest, you were incredibly impressed with Hyunggu’s self-control – for someone who had been so horny he’d barely remembered the need to prep he was being immensely tender to Jinho, holding as still as possible until he was given the okay to move. Even over-come by lust he was always so thoughtful.

“Perfect boy.” The compliment comes out instantly, not directed at either of them but instead just said to the room – Jinho, feeling exposed, tucks his face into your shoulder while Hyunggu lowers his head and smiles, edges softening just a bit at such blatant love.

You apologize for killing the mood by wrapping your fingers around Jinho’s cock, paying extra attention to the pre-cum trailing down its side – it causes a chain reaction of movements that culminate in hands grabbing hard at hips and mouths falling open helplessly, a beautiful display of the best kind of agony.

Lithe fingers tug at yours insistently until you allow them to take your place, dark eyes watching you as you watch Hyunggu take over. He’s more aggressive with his touch than you are, falling into the same pace his hips are making, and Jinho’s moan gets lodged in his throat as a choke, muscles tightening.

“Ohh –“ Hyunggu’s back bows and his forehead knocks against Jinho’s collarbone, hips pressing as close to the elder as he can – you can tell by the way he’s just folded that the orgasm took him completely by surprise. Jinho, even with his eyes squeezed shut and his mind somewhere far away, pushes his hand through Hyunggu’s hair comfortingly. It makes your heart ache with adoration.

“Hyunggu, baby, Jinho hasn’t cum yet.” Your gentle scolding has the younger trying to move again, rising up on trembling forearms, weak thrusts that are uncoordinated and shaky yet make Jinho cry out all the same. “I know you must be so sensitive by now, you’re doing so good.”

Jinho’s bottom lip has been torn to shreds and his hips roll against Hyunggu’s, doing the job for him as he chases after his orgasm with a single-minded mentality – his eyes are squeezed shut but he still turns his face into your shoulder, pants open-mouthed against your bare skin as you hug him closer to you.

“Can’t –“ Hyunggu is shaking, his head bowed and back arched, shuddering – everything is too much for him now, pleasure white-hot and bursting across his vision in a way that makes him more than dizzy, makes him feel close to fainting. He knows he’s supposed to be doing something, moving his hand for some reason, but he really can’t remember why anymore – he feels slender fingers wrap around his own, his hyung’s fingers, and they’re moving again and Jinho is moaning louder now and he’s not really sure what’s happening with the way his head is spinning but he’s glad Jinho sounds like he feels good. “I can’t –“

“You can, baby, I know you can.” You hold out your free hand, the one not on Jinho’s shoulder, and Hyunggu cranes his head towards it and presses a kiss to your palm, lets your thumb slip past his plush lips. “Just a little bit longer.” His silent moan can be felt vibrating through your fingertip, hips twitching. Jinho is still making enough noise on his own for three people, the hand that’s not occupied curled so tightly into the bedsheets you’re almost positive they’ll be cramping later.

He stops moving entirely when Jinho seizes and then thrashes violently, the same fingers that had been guiding his hand now wrapped so tightly around them that they begin to lose feeling. (He manages to crack his eyes open to send you a grateful glance when you reach out and loosen them, drawing Jinho’s hand into your own instead.)

Jinho’s pants are high and exhausted, covered in his own cum and sweat from exertion, and you can tell from the way Hyunggu’s biting his lip that he isn’t going to be able to crash over the edge himself this time – you quietly tap his shoulder and all the tension drains out of his body immediately as he takes your cue to finally pull out. He and Jinho make a sound that is so surprisingly similar you wonder which one of them picked it up from the other.

“So tired..” Hyunggu collapses across Jinho’s legs and neither of them move after that – you stifle a laugh and disentangle yourself from them both, going in search of washcloths and comfortable outfits they could easily pull on.

It’s a bit of an ordeal to work around two limp and exhausted bodies, but as someone who was used to dealing with two idols who were constantly over-worked (or over-sexed) you had it down to an art form, and both of your boys are fast asleep in a tangle of limbs under the covers and in soft clothes in short order.

It gives you time to settle down next to them and just breathe, safe in this little pocket of time and space the three of you had managed to carve out and solidify for yourselves. When you glance over at them they’re dead to the world, and to be completely honest you’re not totally sure where one of them ends and the other begins. You like it that way, though.

In fact, you liked everything about this, the way they made your life feel a little brighter or warmer, how it was so easy to connect with one or both of them despite how rarely your projected paths would usually cross unless one of the three of you didn’t actively change courses to make it happen.

The gravity that love had was seemingly inescapable, and you were immensely grateful for it.

[amandajoyce118]

Agents Of SHIELD S7E05 “A Trout In The Milk” Easter Eggs And References

The team heads to the 1970s where they discover that Hydra has received a hand up from the Chronicoms. 

You know the drill. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’ve already seen the episode. Especially since I’m watching the episode four days after it aired. So, yes. There are spoilers.

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Those Opening Credits

They are so very ‘70s. If you’ve ever watched a sitcom or a spy series from the era, you’ll see nods in the sequence.

Sousa Wonders About Ending Up In The Present

Perhaps Sousa’s questioning of Daisy and Coulson about ending up in their present time is a nod to the actor’s cameo in Avengers. Let’s hope the show actually ties those two together instead of just giving us an Easter egg or two.

Dooley’s Booth

Coulson talks about Dooley’s booth in the old bar that becomes a SHIELD meeting spot. Dooley was the chief of the New York office of the SSR, for those who didn’t watch Agent Carter.

Bendeery English Ale

Daisy drinks one of these in the SHIELD bar, and there’s also a poster for it in Malick’s office. It is the official unofficial beer of the show. It’s named for a friend of Nick Blood’s and first appeared back in season two.

You Always Bounce Back

Yeah, this is, what, the third time someone has referenced Elena’s first episode of the series and her powers. That feels like it’s not going to bode well for her, but not sure what to make of all the on the nose references just yet.

‘70s SHIELD Uniforms

Those blue and white jumpsuits are straight out of the comics of the same era. Yep. 

Project Insight

We all saw Captain America: The Winter Soldier, right? Project Insight is the big project created by Hydra that targets “threats” to the world in the form of Stephen Strange and Tony Stark. In other words, it calculates the probability that people will go against Hydra and advises on whether or not they should be eliminated.

The Episode Title

The phrase is, as Sousa points out, an “old timey one,” and it’s fun that it gets used repeatedly in the episode.

Coulson Is From Processing

When Malick asks Coulson where he’s from at the bar, Coulson says he’s from processing. That’s a callback to season five when the team ended up in the future. It’s what Deke told them to say when anyone asked where they were from so they wouldn’t give away that they were time travelers.

Come With Me If You Want To Continue To Exist

This show loves to nod to its sci-fi and action movies, right? While Elena talks about Bond movies early in the episode, this line is a nod to the Terminator franchise.

The Launch Hangar

Where the Insight rocket/satellite combo launches from in the middle of the lake is where the zephyr usually launches from in the future.

The Episode Tag

Nathaniel Malick isn’t even supposed to exist anymore, but he’s sure working on living up to the family name, huh? His wanting to talk to Daniel Whitehall about surgically transferring abilities should sound familiar. Whitehall lives for so long by surgically transferring Jiaying (Daisy’s mom, remember her?) to himself. 

The List Of SHIELD Assets/Hydra Threats

I saved this one for last because this is where the majority of the episode Easter eggs come from. When Daisy and Sousa get the list of “threats” for Project Insight in the ‘70s, the computer has a nice “Level 7 only” at the top of the screen. That’s a nod to how the show began, with Coulson as a Level 7 agent, welcoming Ward to his new status on the team.

Sousa and Daisy mention that Bruce Banner, Peggy Carter, and Nick Fury all show up on the list. The long list features some other names that should be familiar. There are actually two sets of lists, but it’s really hard to make out the first one, so help a girl out if I miss some names.

Roberto Gonzalez and Victoria Hand both show up. You might remember them from earlier seasons of the show. Vic is killed by Ward when he breaks Garrett out of SHIELD custody and Gonzalez is killed by Jiaying when he tries to have a meeting with her. I believe Isabel Hartley is also on the first page of the list, but not positive because her name is blurry. In the comics, she dated Vic, but she was killed in the first episode of season two.

Also on the list? Jim Morita and Gabe Jones. They’re both Howling Commandos. Gabe also happens to be Trip’s grandfather while Jim is grandfather to Peter Parker’s school principal.

Some more familiar names that appear are Nicole Amador, Susan Morse, and Nathan Bowen. The first is likely a relative of Akela Amador from season one, while Susan Morse is mother to Bobbi Morse in the comics. Nathan Bowen is the father of Tandy (from Cloak And Dagger) and a scientist who works for Roxxon.

Still with me? Good. Because there are even more.

Conrad Murphy is the father of Sandra Murphy in the comics. Sandra is one of the “Caterpillars” or Secret Warriors in the comics, though she’s not on Daisy’s team. She actually is on the team sent to spy on the Russian organization Leviathan (which was in Agent Carter) and her entire team ends up dead.

Andrew and Margaret Nelson appear - though on separate halves. I’m curious if they’re meant to be relatives of Foggy Nelson from Daredevil, though their names don’t ring any bells for me. It’s worth noting that the show has connected to Daredevil in the past with other Easter eggs and Skye and Matt both having a connection to St. Agnes.

There’s a Susan Parker on the list, who could be related to Peter Parker, or she could be a really random reference to a character that appeared in one comic book in the ‘40s? Likewise, Michael Phillips is a name that is connected to a mercenary who worked with the Punisher in the comics who used to be a CIA agent, but that feels like too common of a name. (There’s also an assistant director with the name who works on the show, so he could just be a nod to him.)

Betty Wright is a famous singer who actually rose to fame in the ‘70s. She died this year. She wrote the original “Where Is The Love” and has been sampled on tons of R&B tracks. Likewise, Mark Roberts might be another pop culture nod since he was an actor who started working in the ‘30s, though that was just his stage name, so who knows?

I’ve got nothing on Ben Taylor, Ben Harris, James Cook (unless they’re talking about the British explorer who would have already been dead), Ronald Collins, Roger Stewart, Leonard Torres, Robert Moore (though I did think initially that it said Morse and wondered if Bobbi was named after her dad), and David Robinson. I also didn’t catch the last name for the entry that starts with Theresa. But that’s - a lot. So, some of the names are presumably filler names, entered just because they were ones the team could use, and they could also be nods to people the VFX team knows in real life.

Edited to add:

Chastity McBride

I completely forgot to note that May’s alias in this episode is a real SHIELD agent in the comics. She’s only appeared in a handful of comics and her main mission was stopping John Garrett and Elektra from an assassination plot.

I think this is the longest list I’ve done in a while, so no speculation this time. Until next week. Or, I guess, later this week!

[tessatechaitea]

Scarab #6

I don't know what's happening on this cover but I definitely have a new sexual fetish.

This comic book stars a raccoon. Rating: A+.

Most of the weird dialogue in this comic book probably comes from John Smith's high school notepads full of terrible poetry. I mean, this part about winter isn't too bad! I kind of like it. It's almost as if William Carlos Williams and H.P. Lovecraft were caught in a Star Trek transporter malfunction where their minds were melded but they had to overcome the horror of their new two-dicked physical existence to continue writing poetry. I knew John Smith was English from his previous work on 2000 A.D. and other British comic book periodicals but then he uses the phrase "Chinese whispers" in this issue and I think, "If I hadn't already known he was English from his previous work on 2000 A.D. and other British comic book periodicals, I'd now know he was English by his use of the phrase 'Chinese whispers.'" Here are some of the ideas John Smith throws into a two-page account of Scarab's recent adventures that he couldn't bother writing into full scripts but wanted everybody to know he thought up anyway: a television at the Waldorf haunted by the 20th Century, a pervert breaking the spirits of kids with his Zoo of Shame, The Phantom Barber stealing scalps from runway models, the world's sexiest man raped by Tarot cards, and the Electric Fetus Machine which manifests as a large organ whose music foments rebellion in fetuses. Is this how the British writers took over DC's adult comic books? By occluding our minds with so much random and weird pseudo-philosophical garbage that we couldn't think straight? Sure, I guess an Electric Fetus Machine sounds like a way better story than Batman beating The Riddler near to death. But is there really any substance there? I suppose there could be if the idea were fleshed out and some kind of theme built around the idea of fetuses rebelling. Maybe all of these ideas John Smith throws out are just a game of Chinese whispers where he takes, say, a story by John Barth from Lost in the Funhouse about the thoughts of a sperm considering how the race toward life is pointless and, maybe, they should all just give up, and he turns it into the Electric Fetus Machine so that when I read it, I don't instantly think, "Isn't this a John Barth story?" Instead, I think, "That's a better sounding story than the one where the guy is raped by the Three of Wands!"

Meanwhile, Scarab spends his downtime watching Eleanor turn into a Dr. Seuss tree. Or a mushroom cloud (because remember the theme established by the beginning quote and title?!).

Try to ignore Scarab's ass in the previous scan. It's phenomenal. If you're training to be a comic book artist, you need to spend a lot of time getting the ass right. And once you do, you'll never get an ass in pants right again because all you have ever learned to draw is a naked ass which readers will know is actually under skin tight Lycra unless the colorist completely shits the bed. The guy in the jar on the cover is a Russian experiment in psychotropic warfare called a Gloryboy. There are three of them and they're some kind of pacifist dream come true. They constantly mutter Vertigo phrases in a tonal frequency that makes normal people vomit and shit themselves. It's the Brown Note theory of winning battles but taken to the Vertigo extreme. Instead of a whomping bass sound system, the noise comes form a naked albino in a jar composed of dream matter. Maybe they're not composed of dream matter. And maybe they're not about pacifism at all. It seems they've been altered and experimented in such a way that they can give voice to "the Scream over Hiroshima!" That sounds pretty bad. It's probably some form of psychic bombardment, comparable to a nuclear blast, which drives everybody in the vicinity completely insane. Or maybe it really will just be a thing that pacifies everybody because have you ever tried to do anything while shitting yourself? I mean other than read the ingredients in your shampoo. And even then, I bet you take your eyes off the bottle for a moment to really be in the moment. As an aside, do women find shitting as enjoyable as men or is it just the fecal matter pressing up against our prostate as it passes that makes a big shit feel so good? The Russians test the Scream Over Hiroshima on London. What it does is project into the minds of everybody who hears it the entire reality of what happened in Hiroshima. It's the truth of war. It's pure horror and death and consequence. It probably also makes everybody shit themselves. But when it's done, they'll all understand, on a physically primal level what war is. And the assumption is that everybody will finally be against it, I guess? I've been on Twitter for many years and the one thing I know is that even physically experiencing the horrors of the bombing of Hiroshima isn't going to change the minds of most idiots. I mean, if you didn't become a vegan pacifist hug machine after hearing Sting's song, "Russians," why would you become one after living the horror of fifty thousand lives snuffed out in an instant?! Some people, you just can't reach. London turns into a burning chaotic mess as everybody flips the fuck out from suddenly experiencing the most painful thing they've ever experienced. Scarab arrives after it's all over and everybody is afraid of him. Surprise! There's nothing he can do. He just observes the mess and meets a psychic who tells him that Eleanor is coming back. And isn't that the most important part of this eight issue story? That Louis the Scarab's love returns to him while the rest of the world falls into death and chaos? Scarab #6 Rating: C. Smith seeded this issue with more story ideas than story. The main story is an idea that really goes nowhere as well. It's a thought experiment. It's a minor philosophical musing. And Scarab doesn't do anything but distract himself from his wife's condition. But it also wasn't uninteresting. So I think that means it's a C? What am I, a high school teacher? I don't know how to grade shit!

[iamliberalartsgt]

Why ‘worthless’ humanity degrees may set you up for life

Original Article by Amanda Ruggeri

http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20190401-why-worthless-humanities-degrees-may-set-you-up-for-life

   At university, when I told people I was studying for a history degree, the response was almost always the same: “You want to be a teacher?”. No, a journalist. “Oh. But you’re not majoring in communications?”

   In the days when a university education was the purview of a privileged few, perhaps there wasn’t the assumption that a degree had to be a springboard directly into a career. Those days are long gone.

   Today, a degree is all but a necessity for the job market, one that more than halves your chances of being unemployed. Still, that alone is no guarantee of a job – and yet we’re paying more and more for one. In the US, room, board and tuition at a private university costs an average of $48,510 a year; in the UK, tuition fees alone are £9,250 ($12,000) per year for home students; in Singapore, four years at a private university can cost up to SGD$69,336 (US$51,000).

   Learning for the sake of learning is a beautiful thing. But given those costs, it’s no wonder that most of us need our degrees to pay off in a more concrete way. Broadly, they already do: in the US, for example, a bachelor’s degree holder earns $461 more each week than someone who never attended a university.

   But most of us want to maximise that investment – and that can lead to a plug-and-play type of approach to higher education. Want to be a journalist? Study journalism, we’re told. A lawyer? Pursue pre-law. Not totally sure? Go into Stem (science, technology, engineering and maths) – that way, you can become an engineer or IT specialist. And no matter what you do, forget the liberal arts – non-vocational degrees that include natural and social sciences, mathematics and the humanities, such as history, philosophy and languages.

   This has been echoed by statements and policies around the world. In the US, politicians from Senator Marco Rubio to former President Barack Obama have made the humanities a punch line. (Obama later apologised). In China, the government has unveiled plans to turn 42 universities into “world class” institutions of science and technology. In the UK, government focus on Stem has led to a nearly 20% drop in students taking A-levels in English and a 15% decline in the arts.

   But there’s a problem with this approach. And it’s not just that we’re losing out on crucial ways to understand and improve both the world and ourselves – including enhancing personal wellbeing, sparking innovation and helping create tolerance, among other values.

   It’s also that our assumptions about the market value of certain degrees – and the “worthlessness” of others – might be off. At best, that could be making some students unnecessarily stressed. At worst? Pushing people onto paths that set them up for less fulfilling lives. It also perpetuates the stereotype of liberal arts graduates, in particular, as an elite caste – something that can discourage underprivileged students, and anyone else who needs an immediate return on their university investment, from pursuing potentially rewarding disciplines. (Though, of course, this is hardly the only diversity problemsuch disciplines have).

   Soft skills, critical thinking

   George Anders is convinced we have the humanities in particular all wrong. When he was a technology reporter for Forbes from 2012 to 2016, he says Silicon Valley “was consumed with this idea that there was no education but Stem education”.

   But when he talked to hiring managers at the biggest tech companies, he found a different reality. “Uber was picking up psychology majors to deal with unhappy riders and drivers. Opentable was hiring English majors to bring data to restauranteurs to get them excited about what data could do for their restaurants,” he says.

   “I realised that the ability to communicate and get along with people, and understand what’s on other people’s minds, and do full-strength critical thinking – all of these things were valued and appreciated by everyone as important job skills, except the media.” This realisation led him to write his appropriately-titled book You Can Do Anything: The Surprising Power of a “Useless” Liberal Arts Education.

   Take a look at the skills employers say they’re after. LinkedIn’s research on the most sought-after job skills by employers for 2019 found that the three most-wanted “soft skills” were creativity, persuasion and collaboration, while one of the five top “hard skills” was people management. A full 56% of UK employers surveyed said their staff lacked essential teamwork skills and 46% thought it was a problem that their employees struggled with handling feelings, whether theirs or others’. It’s not just UK employers: one 2017 study found that the fastest-growing jobs in the US in the last 30 years have almost all specifically required a high level of social skills.

   Or take it directly from two top executives at tech giant Microsoft who wrote recently: "As computers behave more like humans, the social sciences and humanities will become even more important. Languages, art, history, economics, ethics, philosophy, psychology and human development courses can teach critical, philosophical and ethics-based skills that will be instrumental in the development and management of AI solutions.

   Of course, it goes without saying that you can be an excellent communicator and critical thinker without a liberal arts degree. And any good university education, not just one in English or psychology, should sharpen these abilities further. “Any degree will give you very important generic skills like being able to write, being able to present an argument, research, problem-solve, teamwork, becoming familiar with technology,” says Dublin-based educational consultant and career coach Anne Mangan.

   But few courses of study are quite as heavy on reading, writing, speaking and critical thinking as the liberal arts, in particular the humanities – whether that’s by debating other students in a seminar, writing a thesis paper or analysing poetry.

   When asked to drill the most job market-ready skills of a humanities graduate down to three, Anders doesn’t hesitate. “Creativity, curiosity and empathy,” he says. “Empathy is usually the biggest one. That doesn’t just mean feeling sorry for people with problems. It means an ability to understand the needs and wants of a diverse group of people.

   “Think of people who oversee clinical drug tests. You need to get doctors, nurses, regulators all on the same page. You have to have the ability to think about what’s going to get this 72-year-old woman to feel comfortable being tracked long term, what do we have to do so this researcher takes this study seriously. That’s an empathy job.”

   But in general, say Anders and others, the benefit of a humanities degree is the emphasis it puts on teaching students to think, critique and persuade – often in the grey areas where there isn’t much data available or you need to work out what to believe. 

   It’s small wonder, therefore, that humanities graduates go on to a variety of fields. The biggest group of US humanities graduates, 15%, go on to management positions. That’s followed by 14% who are in in office and administrative positions, 13% who are in sales and another 12% who are in education, mostly teaching. Another 10% are in business and finance.

   And while there’s often an assumption that the careers humanities graduates pursue just aren’t as good as the jobs snapped up by, say, engineers or medics, that isn’t the case. In Australia, for example, three of the 10 fastest-growing occupations are sales assistants, clerks, and advertising, public relations and sales managers – all of which might look familiar as fields that humanities graduates tend to pursue.

   Meanwhile, Glassdoor’s 2019 research found that eight of the top 10 best jobs in the UK were managerial positions – people-oriented roles that require communication skills and emotional intelligence. (It defined "best" by combining earning potential, overall job satisfaction rating and number of job openings.) And many of them were outside Stem-based industries. The third best job was marketing manager; fourth, product manager; fifth, sales manager. An engineering role doesn’t appear on the list until the 18th slot – below positions in communications, HR and project management.

   One recent study of 1,700 people from 30 countries, meanwhile, found that the majority of those in leadership positions had either a social sciences or humanities degree. That was especially true of leaders under 45 years of age; leaders over 45 were more likely to have studied Stem.

   This isn’t to say that a liberal arts degree is the easy road. “A lot of the people I talked to were five or 10 years into their career, and there was a sense that the first year was bumpy, and it took a while to find their footing,” Anders says. “But as things played out, it did tend to work.”

   For some graduates, the initial challenge was not knowing what they wanted to do with their lives. For others, it was not having acquired as many technical skills with their degree as, say, their IT trainee peers and having to play catch-up after.  

   But pursuing a more vocational degree can come with its own risks too. Not every teenager knows exactly what they want to do with their lives, and our career aspirations often change over time. One UK report found that more than one-third of Brits have changed careers in their lifetime. LinkedIn found that 40% of professionals are interested in making a “career pivot” – and younger people are interested most of all. Focusing on broadly applicable skills like critical thinking no longer seems like such a moon shot when you consider how many different jobs and industries they can be applied to (though for a young person figuring out their career path, it’s true that flexibility also can feel overwhelming).

   Specialized technical skills are important in the job market too. But there are a number of ways to acquire them. “I’m very pro-internships and apprenticeships. We’ve seen that that can directly correlate to you having a more grounded skill base in the workplace,” says career development coach Christina Georgalla.

   “I even advocate that post-university, if you’re not sure, take a year out and instead of going travelling, actually trial doing different internships. Even if it’s the same field but in TV, say, broadcasting versus producing versus presenting, so you can see the difference.”

But what about the other perceived pitfalls – like a higher unemployment rate and lower salaries?

Why broader matters

   It’s true that the humanities come with a higher risk of unemployment. But it’s worth noting that the risk is slighter than you’d imagine. For young people (aged 25-34) in the US, the unemployment rate of those with a humanities degree is 4%. An engineering or business degree comes with an unemployment rate of a little more than 3%. That single additional percentage point is one extra person per 100, such a small amount it’s often within the margin of error of many surveys.

   Salaries aren’t so straightforward either. Yes, in the UK, the top earnings are pulled in by those who study medicine or dentistry, economics or maths; in the US, engineering, physical sciences or business. Some of the most popular humanities, such as history or English, are in the bottom half of the group.

   But there’s more to the story – including that for some jobs, it seems that it’s actually better to start with a broader degree, rather than a professional one.

   Take law. In the US, an undergraduate student who took the seemingly most direct route to becoming a lawyer, judge or magistrate – majoring in a pre-law or legal studies degree – can expect to earn an average of $94,000 a year. But those who majored in philosophy or religious studies make an average of $110,000. Graduates who studied area, ethnic and civilisations studies earn $124,000, US history majors earn $143,000 and those who studied foreign languages earn $148,000, a stunning $54,000 a year above their pre-law counterparts.  

   There are similar examples in other industries too. Take managers in the marketing, advertising and PR industries: those who majored in advertising and PR earn about $64,000 a year – but those who studied liberal arts make $84,000.

   And even while overall salary disparities do remain, it may not be the degree itself. Humanities graduates in particular are more likely to be female. We all know about the gender pay gap, and notable wage disparities persist in the humanities: US men who major in the humanities have median earnings of $60,000, for example, while women make $48,000. Since more than six in 10 humanities majors are women, the gender pay gap, not the degree, may be to blame.

   We also know that as more women move into a field, the field’s overall earnings go down. Given that, is it any wonder that English majors, seven in 10 of whom are women, tend to make less than engineers, eight in 10 of whom are men?

Do what you love

   This is a big part of why there is one major takeaway, says Mangan. Whatever a student pursues in university, it must be something that they aren’t just good at, but they really enjoy.

   “In most areas that I can see, the employer just wants to know that you’ve been to college and you’ve done well. That’s why I think doing something that really interests you is essential – because that’s when you’re going to do well,” she says.

   No matter what, making a degree or career path decision based on average salaries isn’t a good move. “Financial success is not a good reason. It tends to be a very poor reason,” Mangan says. “Be successful at something and money will follow, as opposed to the other way around. Focus on doing the stuff that you love that you’ll be so enthusiastic about, people will want to give you a job. Then go and develop within that job.”

   This speaks to a broader point: the whole question of whether a student should choose Stem versus the humanities, or a vocational course versus a liberal arts degree, might be misguided to begin with. It’s not as if most of us have an equal amount of passion and aptitude for, say, accounting and art history. Plenty of people know what they love most. They just don’t know if they should pursue it. And the headlines most of us see don’t help.

   This is part of why parents and teachers often need to take a step back, Mangan says. “There is only one expert. I’m the expert on me, you’re the expert on you, they’re the expert on themselves,” she says. “And nobody, I really mean nobody, can tell them how to do what they should be doing.”

   Even, it seems, if that means pursuing a “useless” degree – like one in liberal arts.

[anotherererifanshippingcorner]

#2 Wonders of the unknown (Damaged) pt. 1 - for Eren/Levi Angst Weekend

There’s a story behind the monster under the cut, I swear. It was supposed to be a cute, little thing a couple of pages long, angst as the event required, about goodbyes and whatnot. But it became a novel. Jocking. When I finished, it was 10k long, so something needed to be done about that. That’s why this is going to be a short story in two parts, the first for today’s theme and the second one tomorrow. Something possesed me and I felt very inspired. Not sure what came out of it, though, and I’d love to have some opinion! If some part sounds awkward, I think it’s due to the fact that English in not my native language and I’m still trying to understand how to wrap my head around my thoughts and try using them in my writing. That’s it, I’ll shut up.

Title: Wonders of the unknown Prompt: Damaged for #ereriangstweekend by @ererievents​  Rating: Mature Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin Pairing: Eren Jaeger/Levi Ackerman  Word count: 4.8k Additional tags: Alternative Universe - Dystopia (sort of), Soulmates AU, Angst, Bits of smut, Fluff  Summary: In this world, everyone has a soulmate, but it hasn’t always been easy to find them -not like now. Years of scientific progress helped the world organize and engulf the functioning of the Red Thread of Fate into the system, so that no one would fear not meeting their destined one ever again. Levi Ackerman is finally twenty, and the Red Ceremony -where young men and women meet their soulmates for the first time- is close. Or is it really?

Read under the cut or on ao3

*** Levi…

Blinking sleep away from his eyes, the world started to fall into place as his consciousness came back.

Spots of light danced in his vision, and a dull ache was spreading into his head, giving him a hard time when he tried to focus on his surroundings.

There wasn’t that much anyway -the clothes of the previous day neatly folded and placed on his chair, desk almost empty, simply organized with things that could easily come in handy, wardrobe closed in front of the bed, his phone on the nightstand, flashing lightly with an incoming call.

Oh. Maybe that was what woke him up. If the caller knew Levi, they were not very smart.

«What» was all he said to the one at the other end of the phone. It was risky -could have been the higher ups or his boss, but something told him it was a certain someone, far more annoying and less dangerous for his working life. More or less.

«Don’t tell me you were still in bed!» a girl’s voice yelled, Levi’s hand snapping away the device from his throbbing ear drum.

There. Of course.

«I was waking up rather peacefully before you called just to screech in my ears»

He could perfectly picture Hanji’s eye rolling back into her head.

«I’m just being the awesome friend I am. So? Ready for the Ceremony?»

«What are you blabbing about, shitty-»

«THE RED Ceremony, you grumpy ass! Come down right now before I barge into your quarters and drag you out!»

The call disconnected, and Levi was left staring at his phone’s display blinking at him and going black, trying to give a bit of needed order to the thoughts in his head.

The Red Ceremony. Right. How come did he forget about it? Was it today?

Checking out on his phone not only told him that yes, today was the day, but also that he was awfully late for that meeting he agreed to go when Hanji asked him to.

Hanji probably called him for that -wondering what was keeping him, since usually he wasn’t the kind of person to lose track of time so easily. Why was he asleep so early in the afternoon, anyway?

Scrolling his head, trying to dissipate the fog of sleepiness, he shifted the comforter and padded toward the bathroom, urging his body into getting ready for the day.

A shower was exactly what he needed, hot water brushing his skin in a warm caress that took away every trace of sweat and restlessness. He frowned, scratching at his scalp and his hair, getting rid of any trace of shampoo left.

That strange feeling, as if he had been misplaced somehow while he was sleeping, was still lingering. Either he had gotten drunk without remembering, or he had a very disturbing dream that faded away from his memory, making him feel as if something in the back of his head was tumbling against his skull. Levi was far from being squeamish, so he didn’t have a clue of what could have happened that left him this bothered with him remembering.

Who knew.

Getting out of the shower and going on with his morning routine, Levi brushed his teeth after looking for his toothbrush and combed his hair after drying them up, then went to turn on the coffee machine, moving back to his room to choose his outfit -black boots, black tight-fitting jeans, white button down, pretty simple- and retrieve his phone, feeling like a ghost in his own home. Has it always been that quiet?

In the kitchen, the coffee machine was already gifting him with the flavor of his morning drink. Levi closed his eyes and inhaled, filling his lungs with the familiar scent, then took the cup he placed in the machine and lifted it to his mouth by the edge.

It hit him at the first sip that something was strange.

The cup was already there -he always prepared it before going to bed so that it was easier for him when he was half asleep-, but it wasn’t his own. There weren’t cups with handles in his house, since he didn’t like using them, and when he rarely had people over, they settled for what he had.

But that? White, with a little cactus and a comic-like bubble within which the text Stay away from me! was imprinted -that was nothing short of his own possession.

He took a deep breath.

He emptied the cup and put it in the sink, leaving it to wash for later.

Heading to the entrance, he put on his coat, grabbed his wallet and house keys and got out of the apartment.

The Red Ceremony was this sorting thing everyone had to face in their lives.

Just once, though, since the SP (short for Soulmates Program), working along with the Caste system, assembled all the young individual of the society in their twenties or above in order to officialize or present them their other halves.

It was a really boring and fancy way, administrated by the government of Sina, to regulate the Red Thread Bond that occurred between people when they met their destined mate.

The red string around one’s right little finger has always been the proof that somewhere, out there, that person’s perfect other half existed. But meeting, as much as it was decided by fate, wasn’t always certain or secure, and many lived in restlessness and fear, increasing the discontent in the world.

In the city of Sina, the Soulmates Project was born precisely to look for a solution and heighten the chance of finding mated pairs within their first 30-40 years of life.

They found out that the red string released some sort of chemical factor in the blood around the twentieth year of a person’s life, and that it was possible to scientifically find a match in just one other person. It hadn’t always been a quick method, nor perfect, since both mates in the pair had to be twenty to show the chemical factor, not mentioning the fact that there wasn’t often the guarantee that both were even in the same city.

But now that the SP had spread to the rest of the world, it became a problem of the past.

After months of success, when it became clear that the program was working and ready to grow into a stable part of people’s life, the Ceremony of the Red Thread of Fate, or how it was now known as Red Ceremony, was established.

That was why Levi and Hanji were heading toward The Hall, the only building big and dignified enough to host the event in the whole Sina.

Many of their friends and those of their own age, who eagerly entered the double door of The Hall for the first time looking around in wonder, were already there, chatting friendly or pointing at the huge mirrors in the main corridor or at the beautiful crystal chandelier.

Some of them where too nervous to look around in hope to meet the eyes of their mate, others, bolder, didn’t shy away from the groups of boys and girls that came there from different cities.

A few, like Hanji, had already met their mate months prior and where there only to support their friends.

«Moblit!»

She left his said, jumping in the arms of a young man a couple of steps farther from them, in a corner of one of the many rooms that this place had where the rest of their friends were.

«Ehi Levi! Are you nervous for today?»

Levi turned his head to look at Petra, whose smile was knowing and open. She was aware of his hate for fancy things like that, so it wasn’t really a question that needed his answer.

But it made him think.

Rolling his eyes into his head and ignoring her laugh, Levi thought about how under the weather he felt when that should have been one of the most crucial moments of his life.

Somehow, he had forgot of the Red Ceremony, filtering it as something of the past.

Somehow, it kept eluding him -the reason why that day should be important to him.

There is a high chance you’ll find your match today, if they’re already twenty. You should be at least curious.

But it didn’t feel like it, and Levi didn’t know how to explain the void in his heart.

The afternoon was full of his friends smiles and nervous glance, wondering how and where and if.

«Don’t you feel like you belong right here, right now?» Hanji had beamed with enthusiasm at one point.

No, he wanted to say. No, I feel like I need to run away. Run away as fast as possible, where I really need to be. If only he knew where that was.

When the Ceremony begun, those who came from other cities where called following their mates’ position in society. Since Sina was organized according to the Caste System, the richer and more powerful people in the city had the honor to represent the entire event and show off their sons and daughters to the society, presenting them as their heirs.

Being called to Sina and have a mate there was a privilege for those from other cities, since it was where the SP and the Red Ceremony first made their appearance.

It was all about money, wealth and what one’s position in the Caste system was, and it did nothing but deprive the moment of all of its deep and sacred meaning.

Fancy and ridiculous as fuck, had always thought Levi.

While he watched, something occurred to him.

Or to be more specific, a small set of shivers danced in his mind, playing with the outskirt of his field of vision, making him turn his head toward the corner of the room.

Odd. That was odd, akin to when he ate something cold and got brain freeze for that, only in the opposing sense, more as if that same part was thawing out slowly.

He had been there before plenty of times, for his friends’ Ceremonies, of course, but when a sudden, crushing sense of déjà vu made his head spin, he had to move a little bit away from the crowd and lean against the wall, looking around, searching for-

a similar room, a bit smaller, casted in the twilight’s light. There were many people -parents, siblings, friends-, loud and happy, none of his friends in sight. He moved to a corner of the room, distancing himself, and there he stood. A man, with broad shoulders and brown hairs under a winter hat, silently gazing at his hand, playing with his sunglasses with the other. Levi hadn’t looked down, ignoring the way his string glowed red and twirled happily. He had been moving a couple of steps forward, enraptured, inhaling rasping breathes, when the stranger had finally raised his face. It was blue. And green. And amber. No, it was the three together? Just green? He wasn’t sure, and something deep, deep inside of him needed to understand that.   That was all he could think about. The stranger’s mouth parted-

clapping hands roughly took him away from that vision.

His sight fogged a bit, leaving him dizzy for a few seconds.

Around him, everyone was congratulating the first branch of mated pairs of the Ceremony, but Levi was far, far away, immersed in eyes of unspeakable colors.

 «Soooo»

Levi looked over, glancing lazily at Hanji on his right.

His confusion must have been clear on his face, because she kept quiet for a moment before saying: «So, how is she?»

«You mean…»

«Nifa, I mean Nifa»

When he didn’t reply, Hanji took a quick look to the rest at the table -they were in a restaurant, Levi noticed suddenly, with their friends chatting animatedly, blinding smiles on their faces. Then, she gave them her back and leaned on Levi.

«Okay, that’s enough. You’ve been out of it for the whole day, getting up late and not even cracking a smile after meeting your soulmate. What’s going on, uh?»

Levi frowned, holding his temple while bits of images rushed in his head -the Ceremony, the red string’s lighting up, Nifa’s smiling face, they exchanging phone numbers and signing their release from the first part of the SP. It felt like something in his brain was fast forwarding the last couple of hours of his life -as if he hadn’t been there at all and someone was replaying those memories for him in his head.

What the hell was happening to him?

His phone -he held it in his hand, when did he took it out?- blinked at him, letting him know that there was a new message, and the name Nifa felt alien and familiar to him at the same time.

«I don’t know. Nothing, really. Just… it’s a lot to take in»

Hanji kept scrutinizing him, like she was having a hard time believing him.

«You know you can’t fool me, shorty»

«Don’t call me shorty»

«I only speak the truth»

The truth is that they will reject the fact that we are meant to be.

Shivers, and the voice of a man.

His right hand was trembling.

«Levi?»

He got up from the chair, attracting everyone’s attention at the table.

«I think I’m going home. I’m tired»

 When the door closed behind him, he was more or less calm. The brisk, cool air of that evening -January had given them a little break from the snow, allowing bits of relative warmth into Sina’s winter- helped him clear up his thoughts and gain control over his nerves, that were rattling against his skin as if they were on fire.

He was fine.

He finally had a soulmate, someone he would get to know -following the protocol, obviously, through dates, holydays and what not, all set up by the final part of the SP. Someone to cherish, who would cherish him, forever.

So why did it feel wrong?

He put his coat, wallet and keys away, going to the living room and throwing the phone on the couch, Nifa’s text still unread. Flashes of something kept trying to break the quietude of his mind.

He took his time in the shower, eyes closed, head tipped back-

You are ticklish? No, it was just your imagination.

His eyelids shut even more, while fits of laughter echoed in his bathroom, a knot of fear tightening in his stomach.

 It had seemed simple enough.

Go to The Hall, feign indifference, let Hanji nag you to get the distraction you needed without asking to.

There were so many people surrounding you, experiencing the same kind of feelings you were going through -nothing knew, it was how things worked.

You were nervous, just didn’t like feeling it or admitting it aloud.

Many rooms were already full, especially the main ones, where those of the highest Caste were waiting for the Ceremony to begin.

You and your friend went to the section of the building were those of your Caste belonged to -less fancy, but nothing short of elegant and sparkling.

You didn’t want to look at your hand. You wanted to search them for yourself, looking around, keeping your heartbeat at bay as long as you could. So you separated from your friends, told them you wanted to walk a bit, alone, and they let you.

Soon, the crowd started giving you this suffocating feeling, as if you were going to drown here and there. You went to a corner of the room, distancing yourself, when suddenly something shot within you. Your eyes moved frantically around, checking, inspecting, exploring, and oh!, there he stood.

A man, with broad shoulders and brown hair under a winter hat, silently gazing at his hand, playing with his sunglasses with the other with a distant expression on his face.

You hadn’t looked down, had ignored the way your string glowed red and twirled happily. You had been moving a couple of steps forward, enraptured, inhaling rasping breathes, when the stranger had finally raised his face.

It was blue. And green. And amber.

No, it was the three together? Just green? You weren’t sure, and something deep, deep inside of you needed to understand that.  

That was all you could think about.

The stranger’s mouth parted, and you both moved without even realizing it.

«It’s you»

There was wonder and surprise in the man’s eyes, as if he had never seen something quite like you. It wasn’t hard for you to understand the feeling -you felt the same way.

He was beautiful.

Exotic eyes, honey skin, chiseled features, long hair of a chocolate color that had your mouth watering just with a look. He seemed fit under his clothes, your hands trembling because you were restraining them from raising and touching him.

He was perfect, and handsome, and he was your mate.

It was too good to be true.

«My name is Eren» the stranger said, not bothering to bring up his hands and waiting patiently for you to do the same and take his.

He leaned in, lifting his arm and taking a hold of your fingers, gently intertwining them with his own and pulling you closer.

Your heart almost burst out from your ribcage, lungs frozen, breath trapped in your throat.

Somehow, that reaction made the man -Eren, you know his name, now, you told yourself giddily- laugh a little, and he had to remind you to inhale before you lost your consciousness.

«Sorry, I…»

«It’s okay, Levi»

Something shifted in you -his voice gave you chills, the good ones, and how good your name sounded on his lips-

«How- how do you know my name?»

A cloud appeared in his eyes, dulling the light that had been lighting them up from the moment he saw you.

«It’s complicated, maybe as much as what I’m going to have to ask you to do»

The giddy, happy feeling that had filled you until that instant was starting to fade.

«What do you mean?»

What was going on? Well, you couldn’t have known.

Not back then.

«I know it’ll sound strange, but I need you to come with me»

«Uh…?»

«Please. I’ll explain later, but we need to get away from here»

Confusing thoughts swirled into your mind.

«What are you talking about? The Ceremony-»

«It’s not what you think it is»

There was something in his eyes -something that was burning from within, that warmed its way into you, leaving you without words. This person, this stranger -your mate, the one who was destined to you, the man on the other side of your red string, string that was sparling in a bright, deep red color when you looked down at it.

«Please»

You raised your head again.

The Ceremony had always sounded ridiculous to you, and you hated the emotion that reminded you how you were part of the very same system -hated feeling restless and impatient because you couldn’t wait for it to be your turn.

And now, now that you had finally found him, there wasn’t really much to do. You would listen to what he had to say, and deal with the consequences.

«Alright, lead the way»

Days passed, before things started making sense. 

When the tea was ready, he set his cup on the small table in front of his couch, a book on his lap, and got comfortable.

You’re so small, I love having you all snuggled against me. Say that again and I’m going to castrate you. Eh, your loss, Levi.

He fisted his hair, ignoring his book sliding down on the floor, and pulled hard. Since the Ceremony, images kept flashing in his head without giving him a break. He tried to shove them down, to behave as if they weren’t there, stuck in his brain, torturing him with that sweet, sickening feeling of something missing, something precious and beautiful and relaxing and exciting -someone, who was not there, and it was wrong.

You’ll forget. No. There’s no way I’ll forget this.

An intense wave of pleasure wracked him, leaving him panting for air of the cushions, eyes wide open.

Levi! Yes, keep calling my name, because I’ll always remember yours, E-

His head was throbbing painfully now, in total contrast with the way his dick begged for attention, the two different kind of stimulations cursing through him and rendering him useless. It hurt and it was good and Levi didn’t know what he was feeling anymore -if the lust filling feeling his body was giving him or the stabbing pain in his head.

God, don’t stop- Levi- Keep fucking me, harder- go faster-

He was going crazy, for sure, but the pleasure he was feeling -it was his own, had his dick hard and leaking, his hand reaching down into his pants while his brain seemed to settle for a dull throb, distant in his lust induced haze.

Levi was riding someone, and that someone was screaming his name. Ghost hands gripped his hips tightly, and he closed his eyes, getting lost in the sensation.

Shit- Levi, I’m- Yes, yes, yes, come inside me.

His fist was already moving on his length, taking advantage of the pre-cum that kept running down on his hand. Only, it wasn’t his hand anymore, but his.

Tears started streaming down his cheeks and with a few more thrusts he came, much sooner that any other time before, spilling on his abs and shirt. For once, he didn’t care much.

The back of his head touched the cushions again. He put a hand on his mouth, trying to rein in his sobs, but a name slipped out of his lips like a prayer.

«Eren…»

The two of you didn’t meet any of your friends on the way out, and a part of you was glade for that.

The other was asking you what you thought you were accomplishing by running away.

You had always been fairly grounded, realist and pragmatic, but that wasn’t anything like the usual you.

But Eren’s hand was still linked to yours, so tightly that it seemed to reciprocate the similar grasp that he had on your heart since the moment you saw him.

An enchantment you hope would last forever.

He maneuvered you out of the crowd of people infesting the corridors and out of The Hall altogether, slipping into a side road almost immediately. There, a motorbike was waiting for you.

And that made you finally hesitate. It was one thing going out and talking, but this…

A click sounded in the air. When you looked closely to what Eren had in his hands, your body froze in growing fear.

«That’s-»

«A gun» Eren said, nodding when he made sure the safety was on and passing it to you.

«For you. We may be soulmates, but I know that what I’m ask you is not easy. Besides, we’re still strangers. After you hear me out, I’ll go away, if that’s what you want. That» he said, pointing at the weapon now within your reach, «is your assurance. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but if in any moment you think I’m going to, then shoot me»

You took it, something in you relaxing, knowing that with the gun you could get the upper hand quickly if something went wrong. But it was also a double-edged sword, since it made you trust him a little more.

«I take it you know how to use it»

His tone seemed smug, knowing, and you observed him while he took out two helmets, extending one to you.

You reached back, tucking the gun in the jeans on your back, hiding it under your coat. Then, cautious but swift, you took the helmet and placed it on your head.

«I like shooting. But I get the feeling you knew about it, like you knew my name»

The guilty expression that Eren couldn’t manage to hide was an answer enough. You sighed, walking toward him and getting on the bike. Your reluctant acceptance surprised him, if that glint in his eyes and the hesitant smile on his lips was anything to go by.

You felt yourself blush, and hurried him up on the vehicle to avoid him seeing it.

«Let’s go somewhere you’ll feel comfortable»

The motorbike roared to life, and in the next twenty minutes you guided him through Sina’s street, following a familiar pattern of turns and side roads.

Your destination was a little apartment complex in the business district, close to your work office. When Eren, looking around curiously, asked you where exactly you brought him, you told him it was your apartment.

You weren’t sure, but it seemed like Eren felt slightly embarrassed, but you couldn’t be sure, since you both were painted in the colors of sunset. Nevertheless, the thought alone pleased you.

Entering, you invited Eren to take a sit on the couch, announcing you were making tea. He did, taking his coat and hat off, and you went to the kitchen, getting everything ready in the awkward silence.

You joined him in the living room when the tea was ready, asking him about sugar and milk, which he accepted. He talked a bit about him, uncertain, telling you he was twenty-four and that he lived out of town -maybe he wanted to break to ice, to make him appear more normal to your eyes.

Was it working? In that moment you were convinced it wasn’t, but it was. He was truly endearing.

«There»

You placed the tea in his hands, waiting for him to get a good grasp since there was no handle, before taking you own cup and sitting on the other side of the couch, leaving space between you and him. You placed the gun beside you, on the other side compared to where Eren sat, and felt relieved.

«That’s… a curious way a holding it»

You finished taking your sip, calmly, scrutinizing him and the tight hold with which his hand clutched at the cup.

«You should buy one with a handle, you know? I have one with a cactus on it, exclaiming “Stay away from me!”. It reminds me of you, if you want it I’ll give it to you as a present»

You hated it every time your friends brought it up, but now you couldn’t help. You laughed, shaking your head soon after, reminding yourself the seriousness of the situation. But when you glanced at him, he was smiling widely.

You were quick to bring the cup to your lips and drink.

«So» you said, trying to get your control back. «Why did you make me take you here?»

«You don’t beat around the bush, uh?»

«Not usually»

That made you gain a very charming smile, with dimples and all, that complete with the wild chocolate nest on Eren’s head gave him a childish appearance.

«The reason is fairly simple» he started, slowly becoming serious.

«I wanted to meet you, and keep you safe»

Okay, you expected it to be a rather strange talk, but he had yet to explain everything and you already felt like it didn’t make sense.

You told yourself to keep your cool and rein your impatience.

«I am a ghost» he kept going, dropping his eyes from yours and sipping his tea.

«I don’t exist in any of the Sina’s database, I am not in the SP, I am not a citizen for the government. That’s because when I was born, my parents kept my existence a secret. They met at the Red Ceremony, but not as mates for the SP. The program had destined them to other people (told them those were their mates when it was not true), and when they went to seek answers, they were told the SP did not lie, and that they were wrong. Ulterior protests caused them to have their memories wiped»

He stopped for a moment, letting the information he gave you sink slowly. His pause probably was timed and carefully chosen, since the last thing he said had you looking up at him as if you didn’t know if you wanted to call him crazy or kick him out of there.

«They… took your parents’ memories away?»

Eren nodded, testing your response. You sagged back, careful not to spill any tea on the couch.

«You know that sounds-»

«Absurd? I know. I would have struggled believing it too, if I didn’t know for certain that such a technology existed. I just want you to keep listening and then deciding what you want to do, okay? Please»

Please. There went all his logic.

«I already said yes, didn’t I? Go on»

Eren nodded, sipping nervously from his cup.

He didn’t know how much time had passed.

«Hello?»

«Hanji. It’s me»

«I know it’s you, you ass!»

«Can you come over?»

That did the trick. He almost never asked her to come over.

«Give me ten minutes»

[deutscheshausnyu]

Interview with recent writer-in-residence, Dana Grigorcea

Dana Grigorcea was born in Romania in 1979 and now lives in Zürich. She studied Dutch Philology, Theater and Film Directing, and Quality Journalism.  Dana worked in the media industry in Austria, Germany and France. Among her German novels are Baba Rada (2011), Das primäre Gefühl der Schuldlosigkeit (2015), and Die Dame mit dem maghrebinischen Hündchen (2018). She has been awarded several prizes, including the Schweizer Literaturperle and the Ingeborg Bachmann Prize, and was shortlisted for the Swiss Book Prize 2015.

Your recent books include a novel (An Instinctive Feeling of Innocence), a novella (Die Dame mit dem maghrebinischen Hündchen), and a book of non-fiction (Über Empathie oder Macht uns die Kunst zu besseren Menschen?). You’ve also published children’s books. How do you choose what format your next book will take, and where do you draw inspiration from?

I write about topics and stories I find pressing: about the search for meaning, sense, and sensuality; about the search for home and the loss of all certainty; about fear and overcoming it. I strive to find the right tone, the right form for every story. In An Instinctive Feeling of Innocence, the story of a love triangle unfolds alongside the story (and history) of Bucharest, in dramatic as well as comic episodes—so it had to be a novel. Die Dame mit dem maghrebinischen Hündchen (“The Lady With the Little Maghrebian Dog”) is a classic love story, told in a linear narrative, and it felt natural to keep it in the short form of a novella. I also write essays, especially when German newspapers and other publications invite me to: I’m happy to express my opinions on current events, politics, and what art means to us nowadays. My book-length essay Über Empathie (“On Empathy”) is a reflection on whether art makes us more sensitive, and whether it can make us better, more empathetic people. I start out with stories from Romania and Switzerland, share some anecdotes from reading tours—including experiences in Siberia and elsewhere—and use them to explore exactly what it is that art means to us, and what it does to us.

As for the children’s books, I use them to address issues my kids have. Sometimes they don’t want to go to bed, even though they’re both exhausted and overexcited. So I came up with the story of a wolf who desperately wants to sleep, but can’t. My kids listened, then said, “But going to sleep is easy, you just close your eyes and wait a bit,” and then they showed the wolf how it’s done. That story, sparked by such a practical goal, was a hit in German-speaking countries, and the title was Mond aus! (“Turn the Moon Off!”). Then I just kept going: I wrote a haircut story for kids who are afraid to go to the hairdresser and change their appearance; then came a scratch-and-sniff book about vegetables, starring a prince who has to go to the market and cook for the princess; and a story about sibling rivalry in a flower garden—the fight is triggered by the big sister, who knows everything, even the names of all the flowers.

 Is this your first stay in New York? What were your first impressions of the city, and has anything about New York surprised you?

 This was my second visit to New York—the first time I came with my husband, the writer Perikles Monioudis, who knows the city well. He’d come shortly after 9/11 to write a book about the aftermath, and the city’s indestructible spirit. I feel like I know the city pretty well, too, from movies and literature—every time I turn the corner I recognize something, everything’s so familiar—and yet at the same time I’m always surprised that it actually exists, that it’s not just a figment of our collective imagination.

You were born in Bucharest, Romania and were raised bilingually. What made you decide to write your literary texts exclusively in German? To what extent does writing, thinking, and feeling in your two mother tongues differ?

 I write in German because I’ve lived mainly in German-speaking countries for about twenty years now, and because I want to write in my readers’ language and hear their reactions firsthand. I also love the language because it allows for such long sentences, and exploiting its elastic syntax can turn sentence construction into an amusing game—I like getting to the last word, the verb, without losing the thread. The German language helps me structure the plot, too: much like with its syntax, you can weave in and out and maybe get a bit sidetracked, but what you’re writing still has to make sense and, in the end, get to the point—period.

In translation, my sentences are often halved or even quartered, depending on the language. In Romanian and English, for example, people usually communicate more concisely, in tighter sentences—anything else sounds like blabber or sheer delirium.

Here I’d like to acknowledge my English-language translator, Alta Price, who managed to faithfully convey the atmosphere of my Bucharest novel An Instinctive Feeling of Innocence in English. Translation is a high-wire act that requires intuition and precision, and only real artists can pull it off.

One of your most recent books, Über Empathie, is about the power of art and empathy. What made you want to write about this subject matter, and what role does empathy play in today’s society? What role should it play?

 As an artist, I deal with the meaning of art: I write literature and travel in artistic circles, and on my many reading tours I usually meet people who hold art in high esteem. Are people who deal with art better than others, are they the more sensitive members of society? Can art transform us for the better in these turbulent times? Can it make us more empathetic? Empathetic people, who really see and respect one another, are essential to democracy. We’re currently witnessing how traditional democracies we thought were utterly stable are on the brink of being toppled. Can we effectively oppose populism, intentionally stoked fear, and apathetic individualism with art? I think so.

You participated in several public events as part of this year’s Festival Neue Literatur. What is your experience with reading your work in public and/or speaking about your books? Is this something you find enjoyable and fruitful?

The Festival Neue Literatur in New York and the Zeitgeist Festival in Washington, D.C. marked the end of my first North American book tour, after delightful events in San Francisco, Seattle, and Chicago. It seemed to me that every audience was interested, receptive, eager, and open to the humorous twists and turns of our conversations, so it was a pleasure to present the book here in the US. When you see everyone looking so busy, people rushing through the city, hurrying by with headphones on, staring at their phones and laptops—even in cafes and strolling around the park—you don’t expect to meet many people who are willing and able to spend their leisure time with a book. Reading in places like the powerHouse Arena in Brooklyn and McNally Jackson in Manhattan were a revelation to me.

The panel discussions and literary conversations were dynamic and fast-paced yet profound. My translator Alta Price was always there, and when she talked about translating my book I felt like the privileged witness of an alchemical process.

At the Festival’s opening-night event, Germanist and theatrical artist Endre Malcolm Holéczy introduced us. He’s a true man of letters, had read my book An Instinctive Feeling of Innocence quite closely, and expertly conducted a clever and entertaining conversation. His enthusiasm for the novel was, of course, extremely enjoyable.

Interview translation by Alta L. Price

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi 2: Meat p9 reaction

Let's see what Rose is up to. :P No, seriously, this might just happen. Just for us to switch back immediately afterwards to John.

The events of the Masterpiece are so important, though, I'd thought they'd happen near the climax to the epilogues. Unless the epilogues are shorter than I'd thought of course. There's still Homestuck 2, and wouldn't it just be something, for the part of Meat that takes place on Earth C to build up to that.

---

OOooh, this counts as the start of Epilogue 2, huh? So... I suppose that means Mean encompasses several epilogues, even if the chapter count keeps incrementing. If this were Homestuck proper, the Epilogues & Prologue would have had separate titles, too.

Prologue : yeah, i had a feeling that was going to come up again someday. Epilogue 1 : Rumble in the Pumpkin Patch Epilogue 2 : MY MASTERPIECE.

"If you were one of the haters and fools who saw Lord English’s masterpiece circulating through the black veins of the dark web," So, from starting the first sentence I get the idea that we won't be changing perspective just yet. But John hasn't seen the masterpiece, so he wouldn't be impressed.

"and were rendered agog by its majesty, then you probably have a pretty good sense of what happened next." ... Hah! Yeah, but Andrew won't be pulling a Hivebent on us here... will he? I'd really like some more succulent details.

"You probably also wouldn’t be rendered that much additionally agog if you were told it didn’t happen precisely as conveyed by the young Lord’s expertly produced claymation theater." OOoooooOOOOHhhhh, interesting yes. ... Well, unless the narration will now drily inform us that the events did not happen to clay figures but actual people. That much, we already could guess.

... Ya know, I wonder. The sprites squared never featured in Act 7 because back when he wrote and produced the animation, they weren't part of the story yet. Could this mean that Andrew worked out the events of the Masterpiece beforehand, and only later thought of things like Arquiusprite emerging from Lil Seb, and Gamzee being dissected? ... It would be a grand psyche if Lord English turns out NOT to contain the soul sludge from Dirk, Equius and Gamzee, but uh, yeah, that probably won't be the case. We (the MSPA Reader) already had a mental breakdown about this.

"Would it be that surprising if the first four heroes weren’t immediately captured in the juju," ... YES. YES THAT WOULD BE SURPRISING. ... THEY DIDN'T GO IN WILLINGLY DID THEY? ... Did they exchange pleasantries (or unpleasantries) before Caliborn captured them. ... This can't have been a joint plan they worked out to 'save' Caliborn from becoming a mindless mobster kingpin chained by providence into doing Paradox Space's dirty work.

"Would it raise any eyebrows if the action turned out to be a bit sloppier than that?" Sloppier as in... less coordinated? Well, these are the same kids who went Game Over in another timeline, I can see how. Unless the narration means, sloppier action as in, more stilted, broken up by banter and revelations being exchanged.

"A bloody"- ... Bloody? They weren't killed first, were they??

"-nose here." Ah. "A stray wedgie there. Someone trips on a cape." So, more like school yard scuffles instead of boss battles then. Like Caliborn & John's first stand off.

"stray honks from the sidelines." Useless minions are a pain, eh, Caliborn?

"Would it rock anyone’s world to discover the stop-motion feature did not treat this battle royale with the utmost fidelity?" Not if THIS is the extent of the differences, no, that's more expansion than contradiction, after all. It would just mean Caliborn's version was more succinct, akin to Doc Scratch' white lies.

"No one who witnessed the spectacle online would react to these discrepancies with much surprise. But you are not such a witness. You are still John Egbert," Narration, I don't think you quite understand what POV means. :P Really would like to see later on that Andrew's ghost is, well, ghost writing all of this in the dreambubbles.

"and you had no idea what sort of raucous teen pandemonium to expect when you zapped into the lair of your nemesis to throw down. Which is why you were completely blindsided when, upon feeling overwhelmed by the melee, Caliborn sprung his gambit on you and your three best friends to even the odds." You were completely blown away by this stunning revelation. Really, the juju, really? :P Rose didn't tell you about THIS, did she, and you should use a moment to contemplate that. You know, as you are sucked into oblivion until it's time to emerge from the other end. Guess his/our perspective will be ending here, then, after he's finished getting sucked into the juju? And only when they team back up with the B2 kids later, will he learn that his attempt to stop LE before he became that very monster, caused it in the first place.

"He opened his little red chest, and out came his white, house-shaped juju, levitating there, threatening to behave as the weapon many treasure hunters throughout history have described it to be." Ah, but do the descriptions do it justice, does it really do what Caliborn claimed in his claymation.

"Upon a second look, it’s not quite white though. It’s colorless, null. A house-shaped hole in your confining reality. A hole that insists on being filled." Until I read the "being filled", I thought that maybe they'd actually end up in blankspace somehow. Then again... The juju that John got his retcon powers from should've chronologically already been filled, and it was still see-through.

"You tried to resist its overwhelming pull, but to no avail." Okay, so yeah, this is still happening.

"Not negating your powers, your strength to resist, so much as it seemed to overwrite them." It's basically retconning his powers, where retconning is used in the same context as the effect he has when he zaps to an earlier moment on the timeline: he overwrites what happened before.

"You landed in the abstract prison it contains face-first, alone, and with a force that made you flip over a few times and skid along by the flat of your chin." Oh wow. Okay, they're actually going to be spending at least SOME conscious moments in the juju. ... So, might that be also how John got granted his powers then, a conscious decision made by the four individuals trapped in the juju? It's been theorized before that John's retcon powers are a combination of the 4 B1 kids' aspects: he travels through Time and Space, creates new alpha timelines (new Light, as in fortune)... Also, free as the Breeze (Breath) something something.

I'm pretty sure how he landed was akin to Vriska's slides at the hands (fists) of Kanaya & John.

Blaperile has a good point - would John still have his powers after past John got his? Or were they an ontological paradox to begin with? That would suck, though he might still find a way to travel back to Universe C regardless. For one, there's the possibility to travel through the Furthest Ring and reach the old B2 session.

"You groped for your glasses instinctively, finding them in two cracked halves. You cradled their remains as you looked up." Wow, his glasses were broken?? Eesh, another childhood treasured heirloom lost. Guess we now find out if godhood grants 20/20 eyesight regardless of eyewear. ... Maybe he needs to reach his next god tier first. I'm reminded of Jake getting his 'eyes' knocked off during [S] Dirk: Rise Up.

"The blurry, distorted face of your laughing nemesis" Nay on the 20/20 part then. Though the distortion might be due to Caliborn grinning maniacally.

"was the last thing you saw before the chest door slammed shut and plunged you into textual obsolescence." Oh, so John can 'see' outside the juju then.

"And here, you are now stuck." Stuck in a house-shaped object. A home, if you will.

"You will not emerge from this holding cell, from an outside perspective, for quadrillions of years." Implying, then, that that is Lord English' own age? Or perhaps, the span covered by the Green Sun's influence?

"It is not long at all until you begin to wish you had brought something to read." Pfffff. Guess John's sylladex contents were pretty bare bone, or he had no access to it. Also, it would seem he's separate from the other kids, damn. If he could've talked with them, he could've at least apologized for his (and post-retcon Rose's) mistake in person, before they started their prison sentence.

[winterolympicssports2018-blog]

Champions League: Liverpool squeaks by Roma into final vs. Real Madrid

Click here for More Olympics Updates https://www.winterolympian.com/champions-league-liverpool-squeaks-by-roma-into-final-vs-real-madrid/

Champions League: Liverpool squeaks by Roma into final vs. Real Madrid

Liverpool advanced to its first Champions League final in more than a decade despite a 4-2 loss at Roma on Wednesday.

The Reds scored two early goals and that was all they needed to advance 7-6 on aggregate after a 5-2 win in the first leg of the semifinals.

“Tonight was all about getting the job done,” said Liverpool midfielder James Milner, who scored an own goal. “We’re through to the final now and we’ve got there by beating some very good teams along the way.”

Sadio Mane took advantage of a misplaced Roma pass to put Liverpool ahead nine minutes in and Georginio Wijnaldum restored the advantage with a header after Milner’s own goal.

Edin Dzeko equalized for Roma early in the second half and Radja Nainggolan scored two late goals for the hosts as the Giallorossi narrowly missed out on another miracle after their stunning 3-0 second-leg victory over Barcelona in the quarterfinals.

The English side defeated Roma 7-6 on aggregate in the Champions League semifinals. 1:01

Roma was left feeling aggrieved about two penalty decisions that weren’t given.

“The VAR would have given us what was taken from us tonight,” Roma coach Eusebio Di Francesco said. “That was ridiculous. … But Liverpool certainly didn’t steal anything from us. They played 45 extraordinary minutes (in the first leg) and we played two second halves that were just as extraordinary.”

In the May 26 final in Kyiv, Ukraine, Liverpool will face two-time defending champion Real Madrid.

Madrid beat Bayern Munich 4-3 on aggregate in the other semifinal.

“These fans deserve to be in the final, and they’ll have a great time in Kyiv regardless of the result,” Liverpool defender Andy Robertson said. “We ended up losing tonight, but they threw everything at us. All the boys have been brilliant this season.”

Liverpool last reached the final in 2007, when it lost to AC Milan, having won the last of its five titles over Milan two years earlier.

The 13 goals scored between the two legs was a record for a Champions League semifinal.

“When two squads play in an open manner like that, it’s more like a boxing match,” Di Francesco said. “There should be more matches like these.”

Liverpool coach Juergen Klopp was full of complements for Roma.

“What a performance, what a comeback. What a brave football game,” the German manager said. “It was the first time we were not as good as we can be. So we needed luck.

“We cannot go to a Champions League final with nice football all the time. We have to suffer at times.”

Roma’s Aleksandar Kolarov is tackled by Liverpool’s Roberto Firmino. (Alberto Pizzoli/AFP/Getty Images)

Liverpool only reached the Champions League group stage through the final playoff round, beating Hoffenheim way back in August.

“We came in as a qualifier and now we’re in the final,” Klopp said. “Now we will go to Kyiv, which sounds crazy but is the truth. We will go to Kyiv.”

There were concerns of fan violence surrounding the match after two men from Rome were arrested on suspicion of attempted murder following an assault outside the stadium before the first leg in Liverpool.

Supporters of both clubs met at Rome’s City Hall earlier Wednesday to condemn violence and express solidarity with Sean Cox, the Liverpool supporter who was severely injured in the clashes last week.

Inside the stadium, fans of both sides lit flares in the stands before kickoff. It was so loud at one point that the Champions League anthem couldn’t be heard.

With Liverpool advancing and Roma winning the match, both sets of fans applauded their clubs at the final whistle.

Afterward, Liverpool players posed near their fans behind a banner that read, “Sean Cox: You’ll never walk alone.”

Source link

[thesinglesjukebox]

TROPKILLAZ, J BALVIN & ANITTA FT. MC ZAAC - BOLA REBOLA

[6.43]

We finish Friday with funk carioca.

Danilo Bortoli: The separation of mind and body in two short acts. 1. My brain upon listening to "Bola Rebola" for the first time: "Anitta™ is the epitome of third-world capitalism, with her encompassing the brandification of socially progressive causes under the guise of her music. Her work has often glamorized poverty and has always tried to appropriate the sociological meaning of slums (favelas) and turn them into her own type of aesthetic. She refused to join opposition against Bolsonaro's election in 2018, whose anti-LGBTQ+ regime contrasts deeply with the feelings of her (very large) gay fanbase, sparkling allegations of her pursuit of, put simply, pink money. She's also, like, an occultist. There are arguably also greater contenders to Rio 2019 Carnival's best song, such as Pabllo Vittar's 'Buzina' and MC Loma e as Gêmeas Lacração's 'Malévola'." 2. My twerking butt after realizing J Balvin, Tropkillaz and Anitta are the greatest exporters of funk carioca since Diplo: "VAI MALANDRA!". [8]

Julian Axelrod: That droning loop wears out its welcome quickly, nearly drowning out Balvin and Anitta. But halfway through, what's this? A new sound! Acoustic guitars! A lively and thrilling crescendo! Surely this is the moment where the song turns around and gets exciting, rewarding our patience with... that same droning loop. Ah well. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Hypnotic, minimal percussion with playful sound effects all over the mix to keep things interesting. The midsong excursion is the sort of musical event that should happen exactly once in a song, and "Bola Rebola" is significantly better for its inclusion. That it doesn't develop into anything different is an announcement to all listeners who want memorable hooks or more variation: start dancing, dorks, and you too will feel the pull of the rhythm. [6]

Iris Xie: This song is structured like a bombastic sampler platter, with each section ready to be easily sliced and separated like cake. I think the best part about this song is that you could possibly play it once every hour and at any point, your ears would probably catch on a different section. I'm a fan of the modified siren wail of the hook and the three different times when they recite "Bola Rebola" to punctuate endings between large sub-sections. I also appreciate how Anitta gets her whole section that starts off as a pretty typical seductive verse, which then suddenly launches into a much crisper and more expansive production that exploits guitar strums and those EDM handclaps, which sound like they sprouted from a thousand-armed giant. Unfortunately, that section is still marred by some pretty cliched Latin-pop melodies, especially in the phrasing of the "you better show that" and "standing in my way" lines, resulting in moments of awkwardness that take the entire song way down. [5]

Will Adams: A lesser song would have made Anitta's admittedly nondescript breakdown the pre-chorus and repeated it three times. Here it's used only once, allowing it to serve as a centerpiece bound by two halves of an absolute banger led by its unassailable title hook. Extra point for the double-time toward the end. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: Rattling, jutting percussion swirls the drums as MC Zaac drawls over the pumping drums and whining synths. Anitta skids over it as J Balvin gently prods, then is swept onto shore by a gently teasing Anitta surfing a massive wave of foamy synths and bass before riding the palm trees on the shore. J Balvin juggles the falling coconuts then slings them at MC Zaac as the TropKillas close their Colombian look book and smile expectantly at a bunch of white dudes, one of whom is doodling and drooling. [7]

Juana Giaimo: After the sensual "Downtown," this is a rather disappointing collaboration for Anitta and J. Balvin. Funk carioca isn't my thing, but this is exceptionally strange. The beat is already tiring but that repetitive chorus makes it worse. Anitta's English verse suddenly tries to turn the song into a EDM track that has nothing to do with the rest, while J. Balvin abandons his calm rapping for a frenetic and flowless verse. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[365footballorg-blog]

Two title winners make the cut - see Garth's team of the week & pick your own

Manchester City were finally crowned Premier League champions[1] after Manchester United lost at home to West Brom.

Crystal Palace and Huddersfield earned crucial wins in their battle to beat the drop, Burnley kept up their European charge, while Arsenal slumped again to Newcastle.

Chelsea came back to beat Southampton, Swansea shared the points with Everton and Liverpool put three past Bournemouth.

But who did enough to make my team of the week?

<!–

Goalkeeper – Ben Foster (West Brom)

Where was the Manchester United that blasted Manchester City off the park last week?

While you ponder that, the save by Ben Foster from Romelu Lukaku’s header was nothing short of magnificent. This performance by the Baggies was also an enormous statement for new manager Darren Moore. Whether West Brom survive the drop or not, the players appear committed to a man who lives and breathes Albion.

Beating United and handing City the title – what a way to start your managerial career.

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Did you know? Foster made four saves against his former club.

Defenders – Trent Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool), Kevin Long (Burnley), Vincent Kompany (Manchester City)

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Trent Alexander-Arnold: I said a few weeks ago that the Champions League fixture against Manchester City would be a massive test for full-backs Andrew Robertson and Alexander-Arnold.

Both players came through the test with flying colours, but I didn’t expect Alexander-Arnold to have played himself into Gareth Southgate’s World Cup plans.

His defensive play has been outstanding recently and the ball for Mohamed Salah to score his 40th goal of the season against Bournemouth was of the highest quality. A future full England international if ever I saw one.

Did you know? No Liverpool player created more chances (four) against the Cherries than the 19-year-old Alexander-Arnold, and the full-back set up Salah’s goal.

Kevin Long: Long came in for the injured Ben Mee and did a superb job for Burney against a menacing, pacy Leicester City attack. To pop up the other end and score the winning goal was the icing on the cake.

Burnley have had a magnificent season and now find themselves flirting with the possibility of European football. Just a word of caution: Burnley do not have the resources to cope with the demands of the Europa League and need to approach this concept with great care.

Qualification into this elite group might improve season ticket sales, but knowing when to bin the competition in order to survive in the Premier League might be a very important consideration.

Did you know? Long scored his first Premier League goal in his 15th appearance in the competition.

Vincent Kompany: I was never sure of the wisdom of leaving Vincent Kompany out of the second leg of the Champions League fixture against Liverpool.

If Kompany is fit he should play in my book. Nevertheless, Pep Guadiola recalled his captain for the match against Spurs and the Belgium international was superb. As for the tackle by Ben Davies on Kompany which was missed by referee Jon Moss – it was a shocker. Davies is a lucky boy – not to stay on the field but, by the reaction of Kompany, to have all his teeth.

Did you know? Kompany made more clearances (eight) and tackles (five) against Spurs than any other City player.

Midfielders – Willian (Chelsea), Kevin de Bruyne (Manchester City), Mohamed Diame (Newcastle), Eden Hazard (Chelsea)

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Willian: I think this lad has been Chelsea’s best player this season. He provided two assists against Southampton and has been as consistent as anyone in the Blues line-up. Rumours that Manchester United have their sights set on Willian make for interesting reading.

Does this mean Paul Pogba or Juan Mata might be surplus to requirements? The bigger question is whether Chelsea would sell another one of their star players to United. If so, Antonio Conte might as well give Mourinho the contact details of the company which engraves the Premier League trophy while he’s at it.

Did you know? Willian created more goalscoring chances than any other Chelsea player against Southampton (six).

Kevin de Bruyne: I have been singing this player’s praises all season – and quite rightly. Kevin de Bruyne has been amazing. The pass he laid on for Raheem Sterling – on the volley, with his back to goal and under pressure from a defender – was insane.

Title winner he is, but I expect the players to select Liverpool’s Salah for their players’ player of the season. It would be fitting, however, if the football writers chose De Bruyne as theirs. That way we get the best of the best.

Did you know? De Bruyne attempted more crosses (eight) than any other City player against Spurs.

Mohamed Diame: I was laughed out of court when I suggested Rafael Benitez has the ability to bring titles to St James’ Park. Well, he’s not won the Premier League with this group of players – but how he’s amassed 41 points with games to spare, I will never know.

Mo Diame is among the many players Benitez has rejuvenated at Newcastle. Not since his days at West Ham have I seen the Senegal international look so fit and in such good form. Against Arsenal, Diame was outstanding, as were the entire Newcastle team. What a pity the Magpies are not in the hands of someone who really appreciates what this club, their supporters and their manager have to offer.

Did you know? Diame covered more distance than any other Newcastle player against Arsenal (11.5km).

Eden Hazard: If ever there was a game of the proverbial two halves then this was it.

Chelsea had totally lost interest in the first half, but turned it around in the second with a scintillating performance. Eden Hazard was at his petulant worst (doing precisely whatever he liked) in the first half and absolutely brilliant (suddenly realised it wasn’t a one man show) in the second.

Another big question for Conte – should he stay at Stamford Bridge – is whether he can keep Hazard without the lure of Champions League football. I’m beginning to doubt it.

Did you know? Hazard has scored 69 Premier League goals for Chelsea. Only Frank Lampard (147) and Didier Drogba (104) have netted more.

Forwards – Mohamed Salah (Liverpool), Olivier Giroud (Chelsea), Wilfried Zaha (Crystal Palace)

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Mohamed Salah: You can’t score your 40th goal of the season and not make my team of the week.

Besides, it would be ludicrous not to recognise arguably the best footballer in the league the week before Salah goes head to head with De Bruyne at the PFA awards dinner. I will be there of course and the first on my feet to applaud the eventual winner. My money is on Salah.

Did you know? Salah is the eighth different player to score 30 or more goals in a single Premier League season – he’s also the first African to do so.

Olivier Giroud: Chelsea were dead and buried before Olivier Giroud came onto the field. The Blues were lacking in enthusiasm and drive and looked thoroughly fed up at one stage. But on came the Frenchman for the uninspiring, rather sad-looking Alvaro Morata and turned the game on a sixpence. Antonio Conte has an issue now: does he start with Morata in the future and leave Giroud on the bench as his nuclear option? Nice problem to have.

Did you know? Giroud has netted 19 goals in the Premier League as a substitute, a haul only Jermain Defoe can better (24).

Wilfried Zaha: Three goals in 25 minutes will give manager Chris Hughton sleepless nights. Neither Brighton nor Crystal Palace are out of the relegation woods just yet, but the two goals scored by Wilfried Zaha have given Palace a lifeline.

When Roy Hodgson walked into Selhurst Park the club were at the bottom of the table and staring at the Championship. Now they look favourites to survive. The big issue for Hodgson now is: can he keep Zaha?

Did you know? In completing his first Premier League double, Zaha netted his first headed goal in the competition.

You’ve seen my picks this week. But who would you go for?

Choose your XI from the shortlist selected by BBC Sport journalists and share it with your friends.

Pick your Team of the Week

Pick your Team of the Week

Pick your XI from our list and share with your friends.

Select FormationConfirm Team

The Crooks of the matter…

Roberto Mancini has done it. Manuel Pellegrini has also done it. But no-one won the Premier League title for Manchester City quite like Pep Guardiola has.

I honestly didn’t think you could win the English top-flight title playing football the way City have done this season.

I was of the firm opinion that our league was too physical and competitive, and the season far too long, for ball players with bundles of ability but less physicality to dominate a campaign the way they have. Boy was I wrong.

Had Manchester United not won 3-2 at the Etihad earlier this month, City would have totally humiliated their neighbours. That was their intention of course. However, I have never seen United fans applaud a City team off the field before – but that was the response from a small section of supporters who remained at Old Trafford after their side’s 2-1 defeat earlier in the season.

During that period, City beat Chelsea away, demolished Liverpool 5-0, put four goals past Tottenham and gave Stoke City such a beating I don’t think the Potteries club ever got over it.

As for the performance of Kevin de Bruyne, all I can say is: wow. It is easy to pick out the Belgium international because he has been outstanding – but so have David Silva and Fernandinho. What a trio.

These three players are the nearest thing I have seen to Alain Giresse, Michel Platini and Jean Tigana, who were so effective during the 1980s for France.

And as for the transformation in Raheem Sterling – if Guardiola can teach the lad to finish, he could be the best player in the world.

I have made my feelings quite clear about the difference between the playing styles of Guardiola and Manchester United counterpart Jose Mourinho in my teams of the week during the course of the season.

I have an enormous regard for both managers. The former is a great teacher and the latter a serial winner. However, what Guardiola has done is transform English football into thinking that now you can be a great teacher, a serial winner and still play the most glorious football – and all at the same time.

With better referring decisions and a bit of luck it would be City facing Roma – but that’s football. The Champions League is merely on hold for now. Guardiola has turned a very good team into something special, and that’s why I can’t wait to see the sequel.

Congratulations Manchester City. You are worthy champions.

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References

^ Premier League champions (www.bbc.co.uk)

BBC Sport – Football

Two title winners make the cut – see Garth's team of the week & pick your own was originally published on 365 Football

[coffeecupandteatime]

Obscure Reviews #3

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.  

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'❁

Oh? We’re back already? Whelp, let’s start the shitshow again. I’m Jagerbomb, your favorite alcoholic caffeinated drink, bringing you the review of a story that you could call the My Immortal of Attack on Titan.

Welcome. I’m Coffee. Fuhuhuhuhuhuhu~ Consider this a proper welcome to the party. Though glossing over this, it doesn’t deserve such a title, yet.

Shush it you, you bloody wanker.

Well anyway, hello all, I’m Tea.

WHERE’S MY EMOTICON!?

You mean this? (ง •̀_•́)ง

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง YEAH! FIGHT ME!

DON’T MAKE ME GET THE PAN!!!!

As usual we will be incredibly offensive. Don’t take it too personally.

9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!

And now we present The Wolf of Trost. Only God can save us now.

Chapter 1: Struggle for Trost: The two monsters

Oh god, what the fuck is this?

The fuck is that?

The fuck are THOSE?

I do not own Attack on Titan, I only own Jacob Patrick and his very deadly secret. Here's a quick Bio on my OC and his (lowercase)Secret (halfway.) Some things will be different due to me adding my OC. (No period, lowercase) And to keep my plot line and idea original.

Oh joy, disclaimers. What the fuck do I say here??

Where do we begin? How about with his ~deadly secret~?

I’m gonna be honest, it feels like he’s trying too hard to be edgy.

Name: Jacob Patrick II.

You know what, I forgot about the shit that happened in this. I should lay off the drinks.

Age: 15. Height: 6"2'.

 Christ in a handbasket. Fifteen years old and already 6’ 2”. It’s not impossible, but unlikely.

That’s a little young to fight titans.

Didn’t they all leave training at 15?

No, I don’t think so; you’ll have to look it up.

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง FIGHT ME

(ง •̀_•́)ง BRING IT!

Let’s just focus on the story.

Weight: 125 LBS. Hair Color: Jet Black, Wild and to his shoulders, bangs cover left eye.

That sounds inconvenient for titan-fighting.

Eyes: Right eye is a deep calming blue, while the left is bright, glowing yellow with a slight pupil.

You, my friend, have won the Special Snowflake award.

What the fuck is a slight pupil? ಠ益ಠ ENGLISH FUCKER!

Skin Color: Pale white.

So not only is your vision halved by your ridiculous hair, but you’ll also burn like my steady-growing hatred for this fic.

Birth-date: October 10th.

Aw damn, all the jokes could have been made if you said the 31th.

You have jokes?

Appearance: Slim bodied, canines are extremely sharp (Sharp enough to bite into a Titan's hide), fingernails are one inch long claws that are very sharp. Narrow waist, Thin arms and legs and slightly pointed ears.

A painful existence.

I know what was written, but I can’t get the idea of this OC going “OMNOMNOM!”. Imagine this kid dangling off a titan by his teeth and the titan just looks at him with this deadpan expression, unsure of what to do.

Special Skills: With his thin body he is extremely agile and flexible, making him one of the best at using the 3D Maneuvering gear and Blades.(NO PERIOD, LOWERCASE) Though most have seen him running UP the SIDES of the Walls and buildings. His thin frame means less resistance while running, making his speed triple above our fastest soldier. (He can) Can jump very far, close to thirty feet. He's always been able to scan the Titan's and find ways to trick them and trap them. One last skill he has is very secret and no one knows it.

Why is up and sides capitalized? We know what the gear allows you to do.

Because it ADDS unnecessary EMPHASIS.

ಠ益ಠ  This angers me greatly. He’s a goddamn Mary Sue.

Couldn’t just write a normal human boy, could you?

Most Notable Quotes: " I'ma (I’m) gonna make me a Titan burger!"

Seriously?

Permission to prepare the noose?

Permission granted.

" Yahooooooooo!"

This is kinda ripping off Naruto.

This is reminding me of those people who do Bigfoot calls.

Now we combine those together.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'❁ Combining. Result: Cringeworthy.

" Oh bite my skinny ass!"

Is this supposed to be a Bender reference?

NAAAAAAH YOU DON’T SAY? Speaking of which, watching Futurama right now.

" One does not anger the beast without being mauled."

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

Good Lord why?

*coughs*Tryhard*coughs*

Ya know what? I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna poke the bear. *poke poke*

*loud inhale* You did it!

" Hurt my friends...And you'll see why they call me a freak!"

What friends? You have made yourself out to be a rather unpleasant main character.

SHOTS FIRED.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一

and the ever famous Jacob Patrick II song he sings when(One word)ever drunk (which is a(Separate words)lot)

" Oh I'm gonna get that booty!"

NO.

Pffft- This would be gold it weren’t serious.

I have to agree with that. It’s almost as bad as My Immortal. Also, why is a fifteen year old drinking?

Because that’s what the cool kids do. (⌐■_■)

Personality: Out(ONE WORD)going, happy go lucky, lived on the streets since he was four, which in turn allowed Jacob's body to thin and slim due to having to steal food, clothes and books to survive and learn.

I think we’re mixing up personality with backstory and then further mixing it with appearance.

Seriously? Everything past happy go lucky has absolutely nothing to do with personality. They are also living in a society where you contribute to society, they wouldn’t let him live on the streets unless he was completely useless.

Looks like someone doesn’t understand the show.

No one will let you get away with theft is the point.

Jacob's dark secret allow caused the color of his left eye, his claws, pointed ears and sharp canines, but it has also made him prone to rage fueled attacks at random times.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ GET THIS SHIT OUTTA MY FACE!

So, I’m going to take a wild guess and say his secret has something to do with werewolves.

I mean, it’s so obvious. I read ahead...We have weirdness next chapter.

FFFFFFF- ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

 He's loyal to his friends and super protective over them.

Now I remember. Give me a drink please.

Would you like a fancy cocktail?

-,- That ain’t no man’s drink woman.

Don’t complain. Anything is better than nothing.

A lot of people call him insane, which is true. 

*Squints suspiciously* “Insane”, eh?

What? That’s not insanity, that’s just acting like a kid.

He'll do and say the most random things.

LOL IM SO RANDOM

HAHAHHA LOOK AT ME!

There you guys go, Jacob's Bio. NOW GET TO READING DAMMIT!

Rude. You know what? I won’t read it. JUST TO SPITE YOU.

*coughs*Asshole*coughs*

" Humans speaking" ' Human thoughts or flashbacks.' Time skips or locations. " Titans sounds and roars."

Okay, different text types. Fucking kill me now please. Is this necessary? Can’t just - I don’t know - write? Yep, just hold the readers’ hands some more like they just learned how to read this trash.

Apparently Author doesn’t think we can tell what’s what.

We are evidently blind.

____________________________________________________________

(Jacob’s POV) Year 850. Trost, 2:45.

I just love it when writers think they have to announce whose perspective it is. I mean, it’s not like we could have figured it out by ourselves or anything.

Me, Armin and Eren (Him and Armin are two of my three friends)

*Prolonged sigh* Show, don’t tell. Show, don’t tell. Show, doN’T TELL. SHOW, DON’T TELL.

Coffee… Do I need to get Katherine’s pan to smack this author?

…..Yes, probably. No correction, absolutely. Get the pan.

were running across the roofs of houses and buildings, well they had their 3D Maneuvering gear ready to scale the next building while I could just jump up on to (Onto. Spellcheck is your friend) it.

Right, right, right. Why would the OC need something that everyone else needs? Guess who earned a gold star for a “very good job”! ☆

HURRAY! Good job buddy!

I look back to see a Titan jump up and bite Eren's leg off.

What..? There was no prior indication that this was a problem. We’re just… going right to it, eh? Skipping everything else and interjecting Gary Stu into only the important, plot related stuff, huh?

Author is costing on plot hoping readings fill in the gaps.

Armin screamed out to him while I turned around and jumped the gap between my building and the roof with Eren, I slashed the Titan's nape as it turned to attack me, (AND) it fell with a loud thud.

Fucking Mary Sues man. Fucking run on sentences. Armin must’ve been screaming for some time while the OC did all of that.

Well all Armin does IS scream so I assume he’s good at it.

No, he screams Eren a lot, let’s get it right.

" Eren!" I shouted as I land next to him. " Are you ok man?", my answer was Eren smacking my with the hilt of his left Blade.

 Sure, he lost a leg, I’m sure he’s fine bud.

Tis only a flesh wound.

Monty Python away!

YAY!

" Of course not. But I'm fine, just go protect Armin!" Eren shouts at me. ' HE'S MISSING A FUCKING LEG AND SAYS HE'S ALRIGHT!?' I scream in my head as I jump back to stop a 10m Titan from eating Armin, who was still running. I raise my Blades high above my head, opened my mouth and shouted.

*Tying noose around neck while whistling* Hard to tell who's worse, Katherine or Jacob. Either way I’mma go on vacation. *kicks stool*

" I'MA GONNA MAKE ME A TITAN BURGER!"

LAAAAAAAAAAAAME

That is a really lame catchphrase.

Why did I think of a Simpsons character?

My Blades came down on the Titans nape, I worked fast to carve the nape out and slay the monster. " You don't eat my friends (COMMA) bitch!" I exclaim while flipping the dead Titan off.

How old are you? Twelve?

Remember, angsty teen must always flip at least one thing per episode.

Yes, lets flip of the creature that’s already dead. Was there even a gesture for this back then?

I look over at Armin and laugh, only to realize he had made his way to Eren (I guess while I was distracted he saw a Titan close to Eren).

You guess. And what’s wrong with him going to support Eren? It’s not like he can just walk out of there. Nope, just gonna leave him there to die I suppose.

For plot! :D KILL ME!

Such a good friend.

I jump the gap, only to be too late as I see a grey bearded Titan EAT Eren, leaving only his arm, which had hit Armin in the face. To be honest I have to admit that it was comical.

HAHAHA, MY FRIEND JUST GOT EATEN AND MY OTHER FRIEND IS PROBABLY TRAUMATIZED! HAHAHA SO FUNNY!

HOLY SHIT IT’S SANTA TITAN! But I’mma admit, I did laugh when the arm hit Armin.

" EREN!" Armin and I shouted.

Noooooo not the overly angry German! Nooooo!

It’s better for him this way. Goodnight, sweet prince.

I knew there was only way to save him…

Do I need to say anything about this or..?

Best to leave it be.

but it was too risky and he would probably die of blood loss if I wasn't fast enough.

I assume this Only Way was to A: Kill the Titan or B: The Deadly Secret. Fuck I don’t care anymore! COFFEE! GIVE ME THE RUM!

You better share.

Would you like ice with that?

Of course boss. I always share -,-

So I cursed myself for not helping but ran and picked up Armin before the Titan could get him. Armin was to (TOO) shocked to notice anything.

“I can’t do anything about this except for the fact that I can and no, this may or may not bother me in the near future. If it does, it’ll be for the ANGST. Oh, right Eren’s dead, better save my other not-friend so it looks like I accomplished something.”

“Look at me! I’m the Stu! Everyone should just accept the things I do and not question it!”

You cursed yourself for not helping? You didn’t have a problem about not helping before.

' Eren...I'm sorry... But I WILL kill every last Titan to avenge you!' I thought as I quickly escape the Titan.

Whelp, he’s dead. Better say something to remind the audience that they were friends with as little emotion as possible and vowing revenge.

*coughs*OVERACHIEVER!*coughs*

Revenge fixes all Titan problems. If not satisfied, you’ll get your money back guaranteed! Just pay two payments for the low low price of 19,999,999,999,999,999,999.99! Pay processing and handling.

In fifteen minutes I found Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse, Ymir, Annie Leonhart, Jean Kirstein, Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun, Krista Lenz and Mikasa Ackerman (My other friend and secret crush).

Ha, who needs these losers? It’s not like their actual characters with depth or deserving of any actual description or personality. Who cares? Just drop their names and we’re good. Am I right?

AHAHHAHHAHAHA, Cos yes, nobody knows who any of these people are now so let’s add a sentence of just names.

And of course Mikasa is targeted for “love interest”. Mikasa’s first priority is Eren’s safety; the Stu wouldn’t stand a chance. Get out while you can.

-is being sucked into a black hole- Coffee! HELP!

Shhhhh, it’s better this way.

I drop Armin as I put my hands on my knees and pant heavily while the others all come over to us, mostly to see what was wrong with Armin. Mikasa came up to me, (PERIOD) I could see the worry in her eyes.

They all walked together in a collective bunch. Clearly they’re not busy with anything like titans in the city.

Speaking of eyes, I need to drench mine in bleach.

" Where(APOSTROPHE)s Eren!?" She asked me. I looked down at my feet, still panting.

I don’t know, probably digesting inside Santa’s belly.

Maybe if you weren’t standing around waiting for the plot to come to you, you’d know.

" Titan.. (CAPITAL)ate...him.." I manage to breath out between breathes (breaths).

But it’s okay, because I, the main character, am safe with no emotional scars from the death of my apparent friend.

I used my fangs to scare the titan off, of course it wasn’t mentioned. Apparently.

I straighten up some more so I stood at my full six foot two height. I look down at Mikasa as her grip on her Blades tightens,(PERIOD) her eyes narrowed as she walked passed me before jumping and taking off with her gear.

To get away from all of these run on sentences.

To get away from the Stu or Stus.

To get away from the plot. 

" MIKASA!" I shout as I try to grab her ankle, but she was just out of my reach.

Good!

RUN MIKASA! RUN!

I look back at the group and stare at them all, my bangs moved out of the way of my left eye. The bright glowing,(NO COMMA) slit pupiled yellow eye bore holes into the group's souls. I spoke one command in a deep and dark voice. My sharp canines gleamed in the sun's light.

If you were any edgier, you’d be a triangle.

Any edgier then that and he’d be a pyramid

He keeps mentioning his bangs so much that he’s become a tassel. A toothy, triangle, little tassel.

I could swear to God that I saw Ymir turn a ghost white.

Your angst is scaring them. Stop.

Oh god not shiny fangs!

" Stay with Armin."

“He’s pretty much useless.”

“I, the Stu, shall retrieve Mikasa alone!”

With that I jumped off after Mikasa. I dropped my gear (Keeping my Blades)

You don’t need parenthesis if you juST WRITE PROPERLY.

-Tosses empty bottle away- Whelp we’re outta rum again.

by the group as I did so. ' Mikasa...please don't get eaten or killed'" YAHOOOOOOOO!" Was heard by the group as Jacob soon disappeared from their sight.

Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? If this becomes a problem, Coffee is going to kick your ass, just as sure as she’s tearing apart your awful writing skills.

Permission to prepare the ceremonial noose, ma’am?

Permission granted

(Below is the thought the rest of 104th Trainees Squad)

' Did that just happen?'

Actual writing; who needs it?

Gee I don’t know, did it? Cos if there was action and words, it happened.

(Back to Jacob's POV)

You never changed perspective in the first place.

ಠ_ಠ My brain hurts.

I jumped from roof to roof after Mikasa, I had to dropped my gear to make myself lighter

YOU JUST DROPPED YOUR GEAR BEFORE THIS DAMMIT!

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

, even while I run at full speed (Which Dot Pixis had recorded to be close to 50 mph, without any gear on)

You want to know how fast Usain Bolt can run at maximum? 28 mph. You’re trying to convince us that this Gary Stu can run almost TWICE as fast as the fastest runner without much training or experience?

I’m calling God mode. Someone get an admin. Oh wait, I am one.

I couldn't keep up with her.

For plot convenience.

Even though I could’ve used my gear to catch up with her, why did I think RUNNING would help? Oh, just to SHOW OFF MY STU-NESS!

I could tell she was using her gas in large bursts to increase her speed. Bad idea cos (BECAUSE, YOU CRETIN) you lose A(SEPARATE WORDS)LOT of gas that way. I growl in a very wolf-like manner

Wink wink, nudge nudge, tap tap, hit hit, SCROTAL PUNCH

We need a gif for a nut shot, PRONTO!

as I grip my Blades tighter, causeing (CAUSING) the hilts to creak and break, I drop them as I close my eyes in frustration... Bad idea again. I'm quickly grabbed by a Titan, a 15m Smiling Titan. ' This can't be happening!'

THE END

HAHAHAHAHHA NOPE!

" MIKASA!" I shouted out to her...but I think she didn't hear me over the sounds of dead Titans falling down.

She didn’t respond because she doesn’t care about you.

She saw you jerking off in the bushes at Training Camp -,-

 The massive jaws close down, just missing my head... I slid down it's (ITS) throat to my doom.

Suspiciously sounds like what happened to Eren a few paragraphs ago.

So original.

' I never even got to tell Mikasa that I loved her...'

…Seriously?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻  FUCK IT!

Your waifu will never know. At least she can’t point-blank reject you.

Time skip: Where Mikasa has only a single Blade left and is cornered by a Titan.

Yay, more lazy writing. FUCK YOU

DAMMIT!

(Nobody's POV)

Who the hell is Nobody and why aren’t they the main character instead?

Nobody is my favorite person.

Best character.

Mikasa stood back up from her knees, Eren's words about fighting for survival echoing in her mind. She was about to try and charge at the Titan when a 15m Titan with a muscular build, fleshless jaw that revealed the odd arangment (ARRANGEMENT) of teeth, bright emerald eyes, pointed ears and long brownish black hair ran out from behind her and slammed a fist into the other Titan's head. The result was a dead Titan and a new one standing over the body, screaming/roaring.

Well, that escalated quickly.

No smooth transition! EVER!

" NNNNNAAAAGGGHHH" (YOU TRY SPELLING OUT A TITAN SCREAM/ROAR!)

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH! Did I do it? (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Mikasa stared on in shock at seeing a Titan kill another of it's (ITS) kind. The new Titan ran of (OFF), searching for more Titans to kill. Mikasa shook her head and used her gear and little amounts of gas to find the others.

What about Eren? Mikasa, focus! That’s why you ran off in the first place.

 I’m sure everyone else is still on that singular roof.

To her shock they were still were Jacob had dropped Armin off. " Why are you all still here?" She questioned. Connie answered for everyone.

That’s what I want to know.

Called it.

" After you took off Jacob's bangs moved away from his left eye...it...it.. IT BORE HOLES IN OUR SOULS MAN!"

Much like how this story bores holes into my brain.

His hair moved and you saw his differently colored eyeball. Oh no, the horror. *deadpan*

Oh dear lord save us all. -___-

The teen shouted.

So, I have this rant I’ve been holding in for awhile.

Are you KIDDING me? You FUCKING ESTABLISHED who was talking already! Why do you feel the need to refer to him as “the teen” instead of giving him a proper description? THAT IS LAZY WRITING. ALSO do not use “shouted” or any other verbs as dialogue tags! Do you have any idea how awful that is to read? ALSO, is Connie a FUCKING FLOATING HEAD or something? Is he doing ANYTHING ELSE besides standing around and SCREAMING? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?! Are they just standing around too? GOD DAMN IT.

YOU’RE A LAZY ASS WRITER! I HAVE SEEN LITTLE TO NO ACTUAL PLOT LINE WHAT SO EVER! I get this was written in 2014 but that’s no excuse!

Ymir rolled her eyes, smacked Connie upside his bald head and looked at Mikasa.

I assume with a look of disdain paralleling the current state of my face right now.

The Pan can help with that.

The pan always helps. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

" Your friend Jacob left his 3D Maneuvering gear and ran off after you,(PERIOD)

“Good riddance, right?”

Yes we know, it was stated that he dropped his gear…..twice.

My brain hurts. COFFEE! ANOTHER ROUND OF RUM! Shit forgot, Tea didn’t buy any more. DAMMIT! BRING VODKA!

he told us to stay with Armin in this...this...just overpowering voice. Even Annie and Reiner stayed."

Apparently no one has the balls to oppose the Stu. Or were they sincerely hoping that he’d get himself killed?

I mean, I’m pretty sure Reiner could beat the hell out of Stu. Wait, read ahead, he can’t, Stu gets worse.

The tall girl said. Mikasa looked surprised. Jacob had followed her... Then it hit her.

Turns out a titan had found them standing around in a big group and decided to have a light snack.

GOOD END 1

HAPPY ENDING!

" Wait, if he followed me but didn't come back that must mean that..(... CAN’T EVEN DO ELLIPSES RIGHT) Oh God no.." She fell to her knees, a small tear made its way down her cheek.

Why is she crying for this Stu? And she just forgets about Eren?

Nobody likes the Angry German.

Everyone looked at her.

“Sorry Mikasa. You’ve been infected by OOC syndrome. I’m afraid we have to put you out of your misery.”

Could be worse, she could’ve been the Draco to Ebony.

I believe you mean “Enoby”

" 'Oh God no' what?" Sasha asked, her eyes filled with fright. Armin looked up from his spot, still having tears in his eyes. ' Where(APOSTROPHE)s Jacob... W-Whose gear is that..?' Where (WERE) his thoughts.

Really Armin? Did you not pay any attention to the Stu’s display of teenage edginess?

Armin was too busy being the only character traumatized by his friend’s death.

" I think what Ackerman-san is trying to say is that it's quite possible that Patrick-san was eaten by a Titan." Said Annie as she stood up and dusted herself off,

Since when was Annie Japanese?

“This is anime, so they must all be Japanese right?”

She’s Russian right? Either way “Since this is an anime I have to use Japanese honorifics.”

Ymir nodded in agreement while everyone else had horrified looks.

Everyone should take a page from Ymir’s book and not give a fuck. Remind me again why anyone cares for the Stu?

Maybe he was a fun person at camp?

Because he is “Author-Avatar-san”. He is loved by all.

" But what I want to know is why Mikasa took off." Sasha said as she wiped a tear away.

Where were you, Sasha? Weren’t you right there when the Stu revealed that Eren was eaten?

She was busy eating bread and taters.

In her defense, who doesn’t like bread and potatoes? They are significantly more interesting than this drivel.

DAMN.

Mikasa herself answered While (LOWERCASE) she wiped he small tears away. " Jacob...he told he and Armin saw a Titan eat Eren." This time everyone (minus Annie and Ymir) gasped. Connie stood up.

WHAAAAAAAAAT? WHAT WERE YOU ALL DOING? WHERE YOU ALL ENAMOURED BY PAINT DRYING OR SOMETHING? YOU WERE STANDING THERE. HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THIS ALREADY?

YAY FOR DRY PAINT!

" Now what?! HQ is overrun with Titans so we can't get gas! Jacob, who was one of the best trainees,

Of course he was, but we wouldn’t know that because it was never established in the story!

Sure, I can he would be a good Trainee… If he wasn’t such a damn Stu! WHY THE FUCK DOES HE NEED ABSURD SKILL!?

is dead along with Eren!

You know, just as a side note.

Cos I’m sure we all forgot Eren again.

We(APOSTROPHE)re all going to die!" The worried teen exclaimed.

Why must you test me so?

-Hands rum- Here, helps with headaches till the morning.

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement seeing as this was true. Then Mikasa remembered that new rouge(SPACE)Titan she saw.

“Oh right, that thing seemed kind of important. I probably should have said something sooner, but for some reason, I needed to cry and sniffle over that Stu.”

“But I’m sure they’ll see eventually.”

" Wait... When I was cornered by a Titan a 15m class Titan came out of nowhere and KILLED the other Titan." She said. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. Reiner spoke this time. " Don't be stupid Ackerman, Titans don't kill their own kind."

“-Despite the fact you’re probably one of the most trustworthy people here and the city is under attack. We just might have believed you if you weren’t infected with OOC syndrome.”

Sums that situation up nicely.

Annie nodded in agreement. Mikasa rolled her eyes and spoke again. " If we could lure this new Titan to the HQ we could use it to kill the other Titans. And if you don't believe me look behind yourselves." And just as she said that everyone turned around just in time to see the rouge Titan punch the head of another 15m Titan off.

This story gives me current traumatic stress disorder.

YAY~! -kicks stool and hangs again.-

Everyone looked surprised till Mikasa took off again, most regained their wits and followed her, leaving Armin and Connie.

And they didn’t leave because…?

Well so did Armin go with the them or is he still being a bitch?

" Come on Armin, lets help the others with Mikasa's plan." Connie said, as he helped the still shocked blonde up as they looked down at Jacob's now missing gear. ' Mikasa must of picked it up.' Connie thought as he and Armin followed the others to carry out Mikasa's idea.

Well, that was pointless.

(ʘ‿ʘ) I really want to burn this.

Just as they had all left, the very same Titan that ate Jacob appeared, but something was off... It's smile was some(THIS IS ONE WORD, JACKASS)how a frown.

Simultaneously. A smiling frown if you will. Otherwise known as an oxymoron.

Herpaderp! Look at me creating impossible expressions!

Then there was a deep, primal and beastial (BESTIAL) growl, but it wasn't the Titan.

It’s okay. I’m fine. I can handle this. I swear.

Oh god… Here we go again.

Then all of a sudden the Titan exploded as something ripped it's (ITS. THE WORD YOU WANT IS ITS) way out of it's (ITS, AS IN POSSESSIVE PRONOUN NOT IT IS) stomach.

It’s a-me, Hercules~.

Once the Titan's blood stopped falling from the skies (COMMA) a very strange creature roared into the skies, the roar was loud, primal and sounded like a Grizzly Bear's roar mixed with a wolves howling.

KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT.

BURN IT WITH FIRE!

The creature was fifteen meters tall, it had a wolf-like head with two very large canines poking out from it's (ITS) lips. It's body was muscular and man like, but it was covered in shaggy jet black fur, the arms came down to it's (ITS. ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER)waist, but the hands were not man like. They had a due claw instead of a thumb, meaning the four finger like toes had to do the gripping, each of which had razor sharp claws that were two feet in length. The creature's legs were like a dog's hind legs, the feet were large paws with claws, (AND) there was no tail. But what stood out was (WERE, UNLESS THIS SON OF A BITCH WAS A CYCLOPS) the monster's eyes.

It was almost as if the monster was saying “Do it now, kill me. Come on, kill me. I’m right here. Kill me now.”

It’s hands stop at its waist? BWAAHAHAHAHHA! IT HAS BABY ARMS!

Can anybody say wannabe werewolf?

The right one was a deep blue with a round pupil and glowed while the left was a bright glowing yellow with a slit pupil.

Wait a minute. I recognize those angsty-borderline-constipated looks! Y’know, with a slit pupil…

Shouldn’t that say slight? Like in his bio?

Nope because who needs consistency?

The monster roared again as it dropped to all fours and charged towards a large group of Titans, a group that was in front of 104th Trainees Squad.

Let’s just do a mic check here.

Wow, that must have been some high quality paint watching if they didn’t notice titans approaching.

Or if they didn’t hear this thing roar twice.

As the wolf-like creature got closer the pounding of it's (ITS. USE THE SPELLCHECK) paws on solid ground got louder, this in turn caused Connie to look back. His entire face became a ghost white.

Becoming a ghost is your only way out.

Cos he’s Danny Phantom.

Oh, so I guess this hand grenade won’t work then?

Don’t waste our last grenade dammit.

The flamethrower then?

Y’all are running my joke into the ground.

He shouted out in horror. " WHAT THE FUCKING HELL THAT THING!?"

“WHY AREN’T WE KILLING IT?!”

PLOT CONVINCE!

This fic is painful to read.

At Connie's shout everyone else looked back as the creature bounded up to them, then past them, then right into the group of 15m Titans, and there at least six of them.

“Oh shit. Did you guys notice that? I didn’t.”

“Did you guys remember those roars we heard? No? Okay!”

EVERYONE

MORE UNNECESSARY EMPHASIS

YAY~!

was shocked to see the furry beast lunge past them and into a group of Titans of the same size. But were more shocked to see it land on it's (ITS) hind legs and stand upright like a human. The trainees stopped and landed on a nearby roof.

“Hang on a second! Let’s take a selfie!”

“Duck faces everyone!”

" Someone answer me! What IS that THING!?" Connie yelled at the others. Ymir looked over at the creature and stated the most obvious thing.

Relax, Connie. If you keep asking questions like that, you all just might have to do your job.

Lord forbid we actually use our training and get in Stu Wolf’s way.

So we’re just going to stand around and stare like a dead fish….?

" Well obviously it's a giant wolf." Pretty much everyone sighed at the statement.

It’s clear that literally no one cares enough to do anything besides state the obvious.

-bashes head in wall-

" We can see that, Ymir." Reiner said.

“Still not doing anything about it though.”

Mikasa looked over the Titans and wolf-beast. The monster had it'(NO APOSTROPHE)s jaws on a Titan's throat out, ripping it out before swiping it's (ITS. OTHERWISE YOU’RE SAYING IT IS) claws across the Titan's nape, killing it. Then another Titan bit into the creature's shoulder. The result was a pain filled roar, which drew the attention of a new comer. The Wolf turned around and tore into the attacking Titan. A new sound filled the air as the Rouge Titan, the one that saved Mikasa, jumped over the building with the trainees on it and onto another Titan, punching it's (ITS FOR FUCK’S SAKE) head off in the process. The wolf creature lifted it's (ITS *RAGE*) head up it's (ITS. SILENCE! I KILL YOU) kill, it was eating a dead Titan, to stare at the new comer.

So Mikasa, didn’t you have a plan or something? Does your plan involve sitting and staring as the plot progresses in front of you?

How can you eat a Titan if their body’s literally starts decaying right after death?

Both wolf creature and Titan had a small stare down. (COMMA, NOT PERIOD) Which then ended as they both went to killing the Titans.

“HAHA, GLAD THAT’S OVER. KILL YOU SOME OTHER TIME, GARY STU.”

“NICE MEETING YOU BUDDY!” Is only what I imagine they said.

(Mikasa's POV) I stared at the gory and brutal battle in front of me and the others.

“I have become quite skilled at this.”

“I should start a business.”

Connie was shaking, Armin pretty much almost entered a shock induced coma and everyone else were (WAS) either shocked or scared for their lives.

“Seriously, we’re just as lazy as this writing.”

Yes watching a bunch of creatures being brutally murdered could be scarring. BUT YOU ARE TRAINED FOR THIS! TAKE ACTION!

A shock induced coma? You could just say, oh I don’t know, PASSED OUT.

I turned back when I saw the large monster wolf start to eat a dead Titan like it hadn't eaten in a month. I look at the others.

“Hey, do guys wanna go grab some burgers or something?”

Again, you can’t eating a body that decays rapidly.

" We can't stay here, we need to get out of here while they kill the last Titan! C'mon!" With that I took off with the others in tow. Behind us I could hear the wolf's monstrous roar and the Rouge (ROGUE) Titan's screaming/roaring.

Quickly now! Run with your tail between your legs!

Okay, this is really hurting my brain.

The eye's (EYES) of that giant wolf thing looked so familiar... But I can't put a thumb on it.

“Weird, it’s almost like that angsty loser that got eaten earlier. I hope he doesn’t come back in some convoluted werewolf-wish-fulfillment that has absolutely no place in this world…”

*coughs*readahead!*coughs*

(Nobody's POV)

Nobody is the best character. Oh yes, they are the best.

As the trainees left, the last 15m Titan was killed by the Rouge (ROGUE. SPELL CHECK MOTHERFUCKER) Titan. The large wolf then dropped to all fours and ran off towards HQ, which had many Titans around it. The Rouge followed, but it wanted to also kill the large wolf monster as well.

“NO HARD FEELING BRO, BUT I’M GONNA KILL YOU AFTERWARDS.”

“NAH MAN THAT’S OKAY!

Time Skip: After All the Titans inside and outside HQ are killed.

Wolf beast and Titan, both fifteen meters tall, both deadly...both had kill in their eyes.

You might want to rinse out your eyes before they get infected. On second thought, don’t.

Too late! -rips eyes out and dips them in bleach-

Then in a powerful lungeing (LUNGING) punch the Rouge (ROGUE YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE TECHNOLOGY. USE IT) had knocked the Wolf down, then the Rouge jumped onto the Wolf's chest before repeatedly punching it's chest and head. This in turned angered the creature a(TWO SEPARATE WORDS)lot M(LOWERCASE)ore then(THAN) it already was.

FINISH HIM.

K-K-K-KOMBO BREAKER

In a stroke of seconds

It was a backstroke to get away from this trash.

In a stroke of seconds Stu was finished with his bush.

the Wolf had turned the tables by using it's powerful hind legs to kick the Titan in the gut, causing said Titan to be thrown off and into the side of HQ, this caused the Trainees and some Garrison cadets to stumble in their places and some rubble to fall down to the Wolf roared it's Grizzly Bear/Wolf howl roar, this caused a few 10m Titans run out all directions and to attack both the Rouge and Wolf, both were throwing Titans at the other or trying to hit the other with a dead Titan.

(Coffee.exe has stopped working.)

Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?

Don’t waste dammit.

Soon the smaller Titans were dead or thrown away like broken toys. The rest of the fight lasted ten minutes as Titan and giant mammal brutally attacked the other. Large bodies slammed into each(SEPARATE WORDS)other. Body parts were lost and teeth knocked out of jaws. Bones were broken.

Cos y’know, can’t have a fight without extensive damage.

What’s a description?

The Rouge was missing it's (ITSITSITSITSITSITS) left arm from the elbow and down and it's face was badly damaged, there were dozens of deep claw marks all over the Titan's muscular body.

All this isn’t needed.

Too much detail on literally everything that isn’t important.

The Wolf was missing it's (ITS MOTHERFUCKER) whole right arm, its

left eye and a few teeth. Hell it was missing some patches of it's (ITS, I THOUGHT WE MADE PROGRESS, GOD DAMMIT) jet black fur. There were some broken bones within the beast's body.

Seriously, stop.

Yeesh, stop. We get it already.

You just love prattling on and on don’t you?

Both were on their knees and panting heavily... Soon they both fell forwards. As soon as they hit the ground steam rose from both monsters. Soon there was a large cloud of steam.(COMMA) Hiding the large bodies.

FINALLY!

YES! DEAD, JUST THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!

Our prayers have been answered!

Everyone on HQ's roof stared in disbelief.

They quickly went back to doing nothing.

Yay, more painting drying!

They just saw the two monsters that helped them fight against their enemy fall down after both gained severe injuries. Mikasa's eyes widened when the steam cleared just enough to reveal the large bodies were halfway decaying with flesh still on the head and shoulders. But on the napes of both necks were two 'lumps'

I hope those lumps aren’t more cancer.

It is cancer. Stu cancer.

I’ll get the chemo ready.

The 'lumps' moved and tore as two human's (HUMANS) emerged halfway from the napes of the necks. Everyone in 104th Trainees Group knew who the people were.

Cos the Trainees can see that far clearly.

They have suddenly become more aware of their surrounds as soon as the action was over.

Eren Yeager and Jacob Patrick II, the supposed dead trainees.

Couldn’t just have stayed dead.

Tbh, I hate both of them. Stu’s just worse for being a damn OP copy of Angry german.

At least there isn’t more of the OC running around.

Mikasa jumped off the roof and ran towards Eren's semi-conscious body. " EREN!" She cried as she removed him from the nape fully and held him. Mean(ONE COMPLETE WORD ASSHOLE)while everyone turned and looked to see that Jacob was fully conscious and fully out of the nape.

Who gives a fuck about Eren? The Stu true main character is alive.

Whose Eren? The Angry German?

His already pale skin was even paler, like he was drained of life.

Eren, you would have been spared from this atrocity if you had died.

The Stu allows no deaths. o,,,,,o

But his eyes shone bright before they closed and he fell unconscious and almost face first into the pavement if he wasn't caught by Mikasa, who had Eren over her shoulder.

“Oh no, the Stu that I care about for some reason, even though Eren has always been my first priority and I really have no valid reason to care about the Stu in the first place.”

The one time Mikasa didn’t forget Eren was just to sling him over her shoulder like a dirty towel.

" JACOB!" She screamed, tears fell from her eyes more then (Than) they did when she saw Eren's body.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU DIE?”

“FOR THE PLOT BABY!”

Everyone on the roof had shocked faces... They just couldn't believe it... Jacob and Eren... both were monsters

The Stu more so. All the more reason to shoot on sight.

OH NO! Cos it wasn’t obvious Jacob was the wolf!

. (CAPITAL LETTER) one was what their enemy was and the other a very large canine monster. Only Mikasa was crying as she held both males close to her, one certain multi-color eyed boy had one final thought, seeing as she was holding them close to her chest, his head right one her...*coughs*..assests (ASSETS)..*coughs*.

Her financial assets.

PLOT TWIST, those weren’t Mikasa’s breasts. They were Armin’s.

PLOT TWIST! They were Bertolt’s sweet buttocks.

'Score...'

 Those were his final thoughts before he was smothered to death.

Everyone wants to die by them tig ol’ bitties.

____________________________________________________________ PHEW! That was the longest time I've ever spent on a chapter. Well, I'll see you all next time I update. JA NI!

(◡‿◡✿) You lying piece of shit. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS JA NI, YOU WEEABOO PIECE OF SHIT!

CONCLUSION

Lazy writing riddled with easy-to-spot errors, author avatar, reduction of major cast to lazy eggs, and a terrible case of OOC for all involved but easy to make fun of; I give this a 2/10.

I give this a 2/10 for lazy writing, spelling errors and putting the original cast completely out of character as well as putting a shipping where one shouldn’t exist.

Personally...I wouldn’t rate this at all, but seeing as it’s a three year old story, 0.5/10. Why? Because it shat on werewolves, AOT fans, and the anime itself.

 Well, that was fun. Let’s never tackle this again. Agreed?

This story is pretty terrible, so I can agree that we should not tackle any more of this. There are more chapters though so I say light it on fire.

Yeah I’m not doing this hell again. ONTO THE NEXT STORY DAMMIT! We need more drinks again. Tea forgot to bring the rum. ಠ╭╮ಠ

 -Coffee, Tea, and Jagerbomb