#it feels like a Fine™️ person writing about trauma as a bit

[ohwolfling]

The Bear is crazy because I'll be like, "ha, damn, at least I wasn't the middle child or the youngest child in my extremely abusive household," and then the whole show is about how Mikey is DEAD by suicide and I have to get up and walk in a few circles until I remember how to breathe and then the next episode is just like, "here's 1/3rd of our run time to John Cena for some reason."

[night-market-if]

just binge-read TNM and your writing has finally gotten me back into reading (and spending!) on interactive fiction again :) i have a couple of Thoughts™️ ...... i have too many feelings to express how much i am OBSESSED with your lore and worldbuilding and characters .... i love them all so much (even milo, that little rat) and i want to put all of them in my pocket to keep them safe <3 i have a couple of questions if you don't mind !!! no pressure

Do your characters have any special meanings of their names? i ask because of my best bro Caliban; my first thought was linking him to Shakespeare and "You taught me language, and my profit on’t / Is I know how to curse. The red plague rid you / For learning me your language!"

How would the characters feel if the MC was religious? Would anyone either be interested or wary or uncomfortable?

And now I gotta talk about my girl, my best baby, the love of my life, my girlboss, my reason for existing: bella <3 i find her as a character soooo fascinating. as THE biggest lesbian you'll meat, usually i find strictly dominant characters a turn-off, especially male characters, but that's a personal thing ofc! that being said, bella is just .... *chef's kiss* she is 100% in control, but ... she's not cold. i almost would describe her as "warm," for she dazzles as the brightest light in every room, her flirting and smirks easily given away. but of course, that's her persona, how could we forget the murder plans hello??? BUT with the MC? those touches 👀 those feelings 👀 how can a woman be so cold yet so warm?

will we ever see our beloved bella in a submissive role? or the better question is: what does she consider to be a submissive role? like, I'm not even referring to the bedroom, would she allow the MC, either now or in some distant future, to take care of her—acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, etc. is her dominance an intrinsic part of her nature, or is it caused by her past trauma (because i know miss girl has a lot)? is it just one and the same? to her, is receiving love and affection the same as being submissive? because to me it sure isn't! 🤔 i think I'll stop this essay here lol, but just wanted to say i love your writing and the complexities of figuring out your place in life <333

I'm sorry this has taken so long to answer! Thank you so much for such cool questions.

You are right in thinking of Shakespeare for Caliban. Though, that character is far more dickish in the Tempest than what my inspiration is for him. I read a book in college called Prospero's Daughter. It is a phenomenal book that is a retelling of the Tempest. That was more of where the obsession for the name came.

As for the characters of the Night Market, they don't actually have any special meaning. The name Belladonna was rolling around my head for a while because I love the idea of a poisonous flower. But, it wasn't something I pulled from somewhere. Milo's true name does have meaning but that has only been mentioned once on a specific path in Book 2. Gabriel is a little bit of a nod to the more Christian angels but only loosely. Because I do associate the name Gabriel with a Supernatural character and the two of them are nothing alike. LOL

2. If the MC was religious, Milo and Malcolm would be wary as fuck. Milo's father was a very religious man and hid behind his religion. And Malcolm has seen a lot of duplicity in the world of religion before and has not had a lot of good experiences. Both would be incredibly hesitant to trust a religious MC. It doesn't mean they can't, it just might take time.

Gabriel would of course be on board, as long as it was to the Knowing. Another religion would cause him some turmoil due to the Knowing being the only true god in his mind.

Belladonna would be fine with it. She is an incredibly religious woman at heart and she would be open to a lot of discussions with it.

Hazel would be more curious than anything else. She would want to know why the MC believed and what it entailed. She may or may not agree.

Pen would just laugh.

3. So for Bella, I had a very specific idea in mind when I started her characterization. I want her in control and I want her to be someone who has her shit together, but I wanted it to stem from confidence. Not trauma. I think we see a lot of cold characters being cold due to their past shaping them into that. I wanted Bella to just know her self worth and go from there. Hence the warmth to her but the ability to ice out anyone that pisses her off.

Submission for Bella is complicated. I don't think she ever sees herself being submissive but she would use it to describe clients in the past. I don't think she would use it to describe MC. But, you will be able to see her in roles where she has to lean on someone else for help. It is not that Belladonna doesn't want to show that side to anyone. It is more that she assumes that she can take care of it. Even while sick, she believes herself above it all. That she can do this herself. When she can't, I think it comes as more of a shock to her.

But, for a romanced MC, there are some moments coming up that I think will speak of this. I am very excited to write them.

[hextechmaturgy]

Do you have any headcanons for how Grief and Andrey's relationship is like? What do you think Andrey has done for the town's criminals? (i saw your tags on the voice lines reblog)

OH FRIEND...... YOU HONOR ME WITH THIS ASK YOU DO..... i got so excited to answer. i'm actually writing an angrief fic atm spanning from when they meet to when the game ends, but because i'm a very very very slow writer it's not coming out anytime soon. if you're interested tho wink i'd be happy to send u a very short sneak peak in dms wink

regarding headcanons tho, i'll try to be concise but honestly i have many unorganized thoughts and feelings about those two. should also be said that i have a timeline in my head for pre-game events that probably doesn't match canon at all, but it makes sense TO ME and time in pathologic is more of a suggestion anyway sooo hihi let's go

andrey is a bit older than grief; they meet at age 19/20. artemy is leaving and grief's losing his friends, his family. he's turning to gangs for company, which only further alienates him from lara and stakh. andrey is making friends for once, a rare thing after years on the run. his head's full of ideas, ideas that someone actually wants to hear, it's exhilarating. they meet at a plot of land where a staircase will stand one day, both immediately clocking Each Other™️, but the knowing looks go beyond a tick in their gaydar. andrey is a free man and grief wants to be free, desperately so, but he's also afraid. what will it cost him? grief fears the unknown, the steppe curses that keep him up at night, the scorn of his friends and the abandonment, the unknown. it's hard to be authentic, isn't it? andrey sees this struggle, understands the want to fight, the want for freedom. andrey tells him it's okay to want

that first meeting emboldens grief, sustains him when his family breaks for good. they don't see each other for months, and a lot changes for the two of them, but they still remember and all too well. andrey asked to see him again, grief is reluctant. just meeting the man was already impactful enough, he's relived it so often, lost in dreams. but he feels bold, andrey makes him bold. he finds andrey bleeding at his own bar. he needs stitches somewhere he can't reach, won't you help me out, sweet filin? he does. his hand trembles, his stitches are terrible. odd thing, piercing skin, sinking into another man's flesh. hope this doesn't awake anything in him!!!

(spoiler: it absolutely does)

it's probably not a huge surprise at this point if i state i write grief with internalized homophobia in mind, and a considerable amount of religious trauma too. the man he wants to be brings him to shame, and that reflex goes beyond sexuality yes but it's also about that. andrey is uncharacteristically patient. he'll push and prod, poke at the hidden layers behind those freckles he's memorized for some reason, but never goes beyond grief's limits. freedom shouldn't be scary. grief will evolve, he will grow, and andrey will look at him with pride in his eyes and something that is definitely not love (andrey only knows violence. what does he do with love?)

grief is becoming a proper criminal now, respected even if he won't cut, perhaps respected because he gets the job done without cutting. he becomes a seller of all things illegal, and andrey is always in the market for something dangerous. he wants a weapon that will allow him to get up close and personal, and he gets something personal alright. grief gives him a knuckle-duster, a gift. places it around his fingers to see how it fits, awfully gentle. it's not a ring, it's not a promise, they're not that ridiculous

(spoiler: they absolutely are)

the first outbreak is scary. peter suffers immensely from it and when peter suffers, andrey agonizes, but peter is fine...... grief wonders if the pest is divine punishment, if he's to blame for it somehow, but surely not....... they're both restless and healthy, alive, and they're sort of neighbors (oh my god they were neighbors). it's easier to call their INVOLVEMENT stress relief. neither is prepared for the truth really

friends who bang! andrey's got plenty of those and this one isn't any different, okay? barkeeps hear all sorts of juicy gossip, and if he happens to perk up at news on grief and his gang, it's only because andrey is a dangerous man too, and he's wise to look out for the goings on of the underworld. i'm actually still unsure what the line 'wasn't long ago he was on his knees, begging before me' is all about, but i'm convinced it's not horny, at least not 100%. they spend a lot of time on their knees before one another, almost anything andrey says sounds like a threat or a preposition. andrey is held responsible for the death of at least one man (rip farkhad) so he's probably feared in the town. his lifestyle alone shocks plenty of people. grief holds his men back with a "no stabbing, no shooting, no killing" leash, but we know they're able, we know some are willing. perhaps grief needed andrey to intimidate a gang member he was having trouble with, truly desperate, out of other solutions. i'm begging you for help, on my knees if i have to. those men are terrified of you, and frankly so am i (but not in the same way, oh never, somehow i know you would never kill me). it would explain why andrey brings it up to artemy during the second outbreak. grief's men will start misbehaving soon - i wonder if he will come crawling to beg again

i think they're amicable for the most part, their personalities bounce of one another. they're insistent on the just friends thing mostly out of habit. i know you will come if i need you, and we have plenty of fun together already. that's enough, no? what else could a bastard need

second outbreak is a mess and we all know just how much. apple basket reunion is awkward because hey grief why did the guy at the bar tell me about you being on your- how about we don't talk for a while? oh also, this is a small thing, but shout out to the day you find grief and peter at aspity's house. i laughed so much imagining that conversation, or the very OBVIOUS lack of one. peter isn't even really there, dozing off lost in his thoughts, and grief is nearby sweating bullets. be cool grief, be cool - wait why are you even trying to impress peter?

when the polyhedron dies - because she is alive, and she is dying - andrey is lost to senseless violence. he doesn't believe artemy's confession because that would mean killing grief's childhood friend. it's easier to be angry at thirty faceless men. we also know that grief is... NOT WELL, after the whole thing with aglaya. grief is sitting at a staircase (THE staircase that once wasn't here) and he stays there until it's dark, until it's light again. andrey finds him, drunk out of his goddamn mind, probably guided there by all the twyrine in his system. it's unsettling to not see her when he reaches the top, it's unsettling to not see grief as well. what can two broken men do but weep? they whisper to each other. come with me, let's kill them all. it's not worth it, nothing is anymore. i'll go without you. you'll die. do you care?

there's stuff i missed, stuff that probably doesn't make sense, i'm writing this at 6 am in a frenzy of angrief feelings because i love them. i love this ask, i had to reply or i wouldn't sleep. what happens after the game is a wonder to me as well. i've said before somewhere that p1 grief is who p2 grief could become after the diurnal ending. andrey is also going to struggle with his place in the world, mourning the loss of a perfect tower that can never be reproduced, of brilliance and hard work, probably mourning the loss of his brother too, not to the pest but to love. peter has grace now and i think that will be jarring, not being the only family peter has. the twins have only ever had each other, is andrey falling behind? how will he catch up? can he? twins are perfect opposites, he says: it's only natural that when peter starts to improve, andrey begins to degenerate

but i like to be hopeful, because i like these characters a lot (i know u would never be able to tell xoxo). two negatives make a positive, so maybe andrey and grief can be miserable together, and maybe then they'll realize that love is fit for bastards too