#it even addresses the sympathy someone may have but they believe that hard choices have to be made because we don’t live in a utopia

[calsvoid]

i wanna cry i just finished the last episode of one day at a time and god it fucking hurts how relevant it is

[quickspinner]

S4E1 Truth Reactions

Just a reminder, you can filter #quickrants if you don’t want to see this kind of thing.

So...I’m not that upset.  I think I’m in the minority here, but clearly my expectations were sufficiently low and I’m really mostly okay with it. I wanted one thing out of this episode, for them to not screw up Luka’s character, and I got that. 

There’s a lot of things I’m not happy about, but all indications from early on were that they were going to break the ship up way sooner than we expected, so I kind of had time to make my peace with that. I just wanted them to keep Luka’s character intact, and for him and Marinette to part on good terms so that we can HC that they get together later when they are both more mature.

The things that I didn’t like were so typical that they didn’t even bother me that  much:

Literally every character they could possibly shoehorn in saying “Marinette is in love with Adrien Agreste” (however, note, that while every other character was talking about Adrien, aside from that first convo, Marinette was not)

Adrien didn’t even show up and it was all about him, from the rambly confusion in Marinette’s bedroom, to Luka saying “hey, if you’re still in love with Adrien, I’ll understand.” 

Chat Noir saying he would never force a secret from Ladybug when the entire episode Siren exists. I mean, regardless of how you feel about Chat’s behavior in that episode...he was trying to force the issue. If not from Ladybug, then to get Ladybug’s secret from Plagg, all without being akumatized. 

The biggest issue I have with the episode is the way they shoehorned the Couffaine family drama into it, which meant that neither plot thread got the attention it needed/deserved, and as a result, they had to skip over a lot of stuff, and the entire narrative of the episode was choppy. Would it have been that hard to have a few episodes leading up to this where we saw Marinette ditching Luka on dates, instead of cramming it all into one montage of pain? And we’re really going to go from Jagged saying that he basically ditched his family for no good reason, into Luka hugging him and letting him be the dad-comforter at the end of the ep? AND WHAT ABOUT JULEKA? Does she just not count because she’s a girl and men only care about their sons? Astruc just doubled down on the twin thing on Twitter, but we’re not even going to address that at all? 

That whole thing should have been dealt with in another episode; Luka could have found out in this one, and then we could have seen him approaching Jagged as a civilian later (maybe we’ll still see this, but I don’t have any faith it will happen) to work it all out. 

I admit I kinda screamed when Anarka said it, though. I didn’t think they would ever confirm it on air. The way it was handled, though, ugh. Jagged really comes off like a deadbeat jerk and then he just, what? Gets forgiven for no reason? After he wrote a song called “My Guitar Is My Only Family”???? 

Also, the episode as a whole was visually really ugly, and Luka really got the worst of it. Like, yikes. I don’t know why they went full on Lord of the Rings with the special effects, either, can’t you make a character look shocked without inverting the entire background? Multiple times? 

Side note: can I just say how hilarious I find it that Hawkmoth repaired the peacock Miraculous with a 50 cent pin back from Joanne’s and by saying “Repair yourself!” Just...so ridiculous.

There were a lot of things I liked.

The sincerity of the movie date. Marinette may have flaked big time not remembering it, but once they actually got out together, away from other influences, they were having so much fun! Going to see a movie they knew was terrible because they both love Jagged so much! I have hearts in my eyes. They were super cute! Their lyric guessing contest! They way they were so focused on each other and having fun. Marinette’s cute way of giving him his gift for ‘winning’ the contest, and Luka using their lyric game to ask for a kiss, and having that cute little nervous look before he really went for it. I’m gonna be watching that scene like a billion times. 

My heart broke for both of them when Marinette kept running off. I like that they made it clear that this was an ongoing thing. That one moment of Luka being snarky and upset that she didn’t come to the concert just hurt that much more because he’s normally so calm. It really hurt when he didn’t get excited that she finally arrived.

But what happened after that was so Luka. He didn’t get sulky and passive aggressive. He didn’t get upset with her in front of everybody. He took her somewhere private, somewhere that was important to him, and he gave her context for how he was feeling by sharing something private about himself, and he asked her as gently as possible what was going on. I think it’s telling that he made a point of letting her know that he was okay with it if she was still hung up on Adrien.  All he really wanted from her was confirmation that she was committed to this relationship, because after being ditched so many times it’s natural to start questioning whether she was really ready for this, and he didn’t want to be pressuring her into something. He just wanted her to tell him the truth. I think the parallel he gave her was nice, too; not only was he sort of letting her know he maybe has some abandonment issues that are making this hard for him, he’s giving her an opening to admit that she gets overwhelmed for whatever reason and that she ditches him to go hide and collect herself. In spite of all the things he is clearly feeling, he’s so careful with her, and it shows even more when he’s fighting his akumatization. Because his feelings are that she should tell him, that she should trust him, and he’s hurt that she doesn’t, but what he says, and what his behavior backs up, is that you can’t force the truth out of people (nice callback to Silencer there, where Ladybug said something similar about forcing someone to tell the truth is meaningless). He wants to believe that Marinette trusts him and has a good reason for not telling him; he wants to believe that if he can make her feel safe enough she’ll choose to confide in him. Poor guy is just trying to understand without spilling his bad feelings all over her. That’s really the core of what I like about Luka; he’s thoughtful, respectful, and gentle, but he confronts issues head on. He did it in Silencer, he did it in Felix, he did it in Miracle Queen, each time getting right to the heart of what Marinette was having trouble saying without putting pressure on her to admit anything she wasn’t ready for her. That’s what I was really, really scared of losing in this episode and I am just over the moon that they handled it so well. 

The akuma is another story, but akumas are akumas. Those where his emotions without control and I’m not upset about that. Both of Luka’s akumas were about anger and powerlessness. 

I feel deeply cheated that we didn’t get any kind of scene of Luka coming back to the boat, and Anarka having to tell him again about Jagged because he doesn’t remember, but she said it in front of everyone (including Juleka) so there’s no way to keep it a secret anymore. The cut to the breakup scene on the bridge was just so abrupt, and there was so much that should have happened between that that we should have seen.

I would have liked to have seen Marinette finding him, and asking if he’s okay, and giving him a little sympathy before finally giving him the honesty he asked for. Even when she tries to say it, that she can’t give him the relationship he deserves right now (and I’m eternally grateful that she didn’t lie to him and tell him that it actually was because of Adrien), Luka makes a choice. He closes his eyes as he hugs her (which I think is significant, given the whole third-eye imagery of Truth) and he doesn’t make her say it. Honestly, I usually feel gross about using the word ‘deserved’ in relationships, but I think it’s justified here--he deserved for her to look him in the eye and tell him that she couldn’t be with him. But he didn’t make her do it. He wasn’t angry at her, and they didn’t part with bad feelings, and he was Luka right up until the end.

Maybe it’s sad that that’s as much as I felt could be reasonably hoped for in this episode, but there it is. I’m not happy, but I’m satisfied.

[snifflesthemouse]

Lilibet was a Marketing Mind Trick...

WARNING, THIS IS LONG AND NOT EDITED VERY WELL! SORRY! 

         As you all certainly know by now, Harry and his wife have welcomed their second child into the world. According to the announcement, Lilibet “Lili” Diana Mountbatten-Windsor was born 4 June 2021 at Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital. The announcement came two days after the child’s arrival. While the British Royal Family seemingly learned about the arrival of the second Sussex baby like the rest of us, one could argue they knew of the birth the day it happened. But I will get into all of that in a moment.

Due to the recent stork stop in Montecito, I felt it necessary to pause working on other posts to do this one. To say this author was left dumbfounded – no, completely flabbergasted – by the name chosen for the second child would be an understatement. Why on earth would this couple, especially given their recent claims and accusations, choose such a name for their only daughter?

         Now, I am fully aware the press statement issued by the “Press Secretary for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex” elaborates why each name was chosen, as well as the intentions of calling the child “Lili”. It even says that Lilibet was the “family nickname” for Her Majesty the Queen. One could argue the mystery is solved, that the name was clearly a nod to the child’s paternal grandmother and paternal great-grandmother. One could also argue the real reasons behind naming the child as such go much deeper than the explanation given in the well-crafted, thoughtful press release. This author is the one arguing the latter.

         It would seem a pattern exists with the Sussex family regarding nicknames. After all, Harry’s real name is Henry. His wife’s real name is Rachel. Then we have Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. Regardless of the media source, most agree Harrison is a nod to Harry since Harrison means “Harry’s Son”. Which seems odd to me; even Harrison is borne from the nickname of the father instead of the actual name of the father.

The meaning behind Archie isn’t so cut-and-dry. Some articles say Archie is version of the Greek word “arche”, meaning “source of action”. Others say Archie means bold, brave, courageous. I’ve even read articles saying Archie was a type of anagram for the name Rachel. It must be mentioned, though, that Archie has been linked to HRH Prince George of Cambridge, as it has been reported several times that Prince George would introduce himself in public as “Archie”. So much so, some argue the name was essentially hijacked from the third in line to the throne.

When it was announced the couple named their daughter Lilibet Diana with the intentions of calling her “Lili”, the world responded with very mixed reviews. They essentially hijacked the personal nickname of the highest-ranking member in the British Royal Family for their daughter’s first name. Then, they decided to tell the world they will call her Lili, yet another nickname borne from the nickname they hijacked.

I know the Queen doesn’t own the name Lilibet, but I also know that the nickname of Lilibet is so personally linked to Her Majesty that billions of people around the world by now understand the link between the Queen and Lilibet. Which brings me to the purpose of this post. Finally. The word association between Lilibet and the Queen is so strong, it is almost commonplace. While everyone else is trying to decide if naming their daughter Lilibet was meant to be an olive branch or a jab, I see things completely differently.

To me, naming the child Lilibet has nothing to do with paying homage to the Queen or taking a dig at her. To me, the name was chosen for a few different reasons. The way I see it, every decision the Montecito Muppets make is geared toward their ultimate goals. Goals like cementing their place as super stars in the United States, as well as ensuring those precious titles and links to the British Royal Family are never removed. Naming their child Lilibet has nothing to do with digs or olive branches; it has everything to do with self-serving, self-preserving motives. It is their way of appealing to the US target audience while ensuring their Royal relatives in the UK are left with no other option but kindness.

Essentially, naming their second child Lilibet is a mind trick meant to remind the world that they are in fact still part of the British Royal Family. It was their way of garnering sympathy from the US target audience by showing “See, look, we have healed enough we can name her after our oppressor! See, look! We are forgiving!” It was also yet another way of using word association trickery to keep people thinking about them as Royals. Which is another future post I’ll be making; why does everyone still treat the expats as Royals when even Buckingham Palace doesn’t? I digress…

Whether or not the Queen was made aware of the decision to use Lilibet for the child’s first name is still unclear. We do know, however, that on the date the child was said to arrive, website domains using different variations of the child’s name were bought up with a quickness. Using the ICANN Lookup website, one can search various versions of the name as a website address and find that lilidiana.com was registered 31 May 2021 before lilibetdiana.com was. Most all the website variations are held by GoDaddy with Scottsdale Arizona billing addresses. A couple variations were registered with Oregon and Maryland addresses, though. You can search domain names and their origins here: https://lookup.icann.org/

I originally wondered if the Palace knew ahead of the announcement and purchased the domain names. But it would seem like that is not the case because of the billing addresses. For example, travalyst.com was registered by the Royal Foundation and has a London billing address. So, if they did buy up the domains, they did so through a third party to hide the fact they did. Otherwise, it seems like the couple purchased them. Still yet, someone close to the couple aware of the name choices could’ve bought up the domains with the hopes of reselling them at astronomical prices later on.

         The thing is, if the Palace didn’t know about the child’s birth until after the fact like the rest of the world, it would mean Harry and his wife cared far more about domain purchases than telling their own families about the child’s arrival. That is in itself, colder than cold. It reiterates my own belief behind why they chose Lilibet. But again, I am off topic. Back to why they chose Lilibet.

         Aside from the fact the name Lilibet has had almost nine decades to settle and resonate in the minds of humanity, there is another reason the name could’ve been chosen. You see, now when people hear the child’s name, they will automatically see the Queen’s face in their minds. That also means when the next in line to the throne becomes the one sitting on the throne, he too will automatically think of his mother when considering his granddaughter.

         What a clever way to ensure the child is on the receiving end of falsely displaced affections and a strong emotional response given by the next in line, even if the next in line never meets the granddaughter. Let me give you an example that better explains this. My husband always said if we had a daughter, we would name her after his father. The name would be varied in spelling to make it feminine, but nonetheless, it would sound exactly like his father’s name. My husband’s father died over a decade ago when my husband was in his twenties. My husband and his father had a good relationship overall, but his father had a serious drinking problem. His father didn’t stop drinking until after my husband was grown. So, there are expected hard feelings that exist within my husband about his late father. It would make sense to say the namesake would trigger those hard feelings, even if unintentionally done, that my husband still has regarding his father. He would think of his dad every time he saw his daughter. Thank God we didn’t ever have a daughter.

         With Lilibet, even long after the Queen is gone, the name will always trigger the emotions, thoughts, and affections held by the thinker. In other words, even though Charles knows the granddaughter is not his mother, when he hears the name Lilibet, he will think of his mother first. So, when it comes time for the future King Charles to decide on what to do regarding titles or involvements of Harry or his children, it will be harder for a sensitive man like Charles to be stern.

         Naming the child Lilibet Diana is a double trigger for Charles. But the first name is enough to surpass the middle one. In a way, naming the child Lilibet is guaranteeing the mother’s future hope for the children regarding roles in the Royal Family. It is not the actual, physical involvement they need within the Royal Family. They simply need word associations and links to the Royal Family to continue monetizing them here in the US; the reason the US is their target audience is simple. The US lacks the basic understanding of monarchy, and there is a common stance if you make it big in America, you make it everywhere else in the world.

         Since the recent attacks coming from Harry greatly reduces the chances for the wife to strengthen these links, the name was her only option. And now we even have stories coming out saying the wife is looking to HRH Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge for help mending fences they themselves ruined. Which makes me believe even more that the choice of name was a marketing tool. Just like people displaced their affections and love for Diana toward Harry, Harry’s wife is hoping the same will happen with their second child. Slick, slick move.

[yaboylevi]

Hi! I love ur blog, especially ur Snk Metas and Ereri metas. What are your thoughts on the whole “Eren has always been like this” (always been evil or capable of great evils like genocide) that a lot of people seem to agree on? I’ve always had a hard time believing in that idea because we’ve been shown multiple times that Eren is capable of sympathy and empathy, so to say he’s ALWAYS been like this is wrong.

Hi! Thank you!!

Looking through my snk 121 tag I found that I have already received similar questions, so I’m gonna link one here if you want the short version of it. Even if it was something I wrote up right after the chapter was out, it’s not like my opinion has changed much... more like, my faith in Isayama writing a decent conclusion and explanation in regards to Eren has plummeted in the past year and a half.

But anyway, now we have some new information pertaining Eren, so I feel like I can add more on this moment and my take on it in light of such new perspective.

Let me preface this with: Eren hates what he’s doing, is despising every second, was scared of his future visions, often paralyzed, desperate to find a better solution than this, because he knows - let me repeat it - HE KNOWS this is horrifying. We had hints throughtout the story, but many have ignored them. For me, Eren going through grief and apologizing for something he hadn’t even done yet in chapters 131 was no shocker at all, but I guess some people may have actually been surprised, I don’t know. It was right there since the Marley arc and his breakdown over Sasha, but many have completely misinterpreted that scene, denying it was desperation that he was feeling, so it was nice to finally have confirmation. Kinda.

However, you know, Isayama doesn’t seem to have picked a side on his characterization of Eren. Or maybe there is still something that’s concealed, because everything we have seen, isn’t evething that has happened, and it doesn’t explain yet some things about Eren and, relevant to this post, why Eren has decided to give up and give in to his future self’s memories of destruction. I’m sorry, but Eren believing “there is no other way, other than killing the whole world’s population, because the future cannot be changed” due to some memories is not gonna cut it, especially because we haven’t seen him fight too hard against it. In my opinion, at least. Or maybe he did, but we haven’t been shown.

The most hopeful part of my heart wishes he is already trying to change things, in a very roundabout and secret way, but the tired and logical part is done hoping. After all, Eren is alternating between being hellbent on going through with rumbling the world, and being absolutely horrified by it. I’ve been getting whiplash every month for a couple of years now.

As for your actual question, and that line during the Paths Time Travel...

Let’s start from here, shall we? That whole conversation with Zeke in Paths was to Zeke what chapter 112 was to Mikasa and Armin, imo. Chapter 121, huh, same numbers...but anyways. I think I have already wrote it somewhere, but I believe Eren lied, and purposely hurt Zeke. To make him, and Mikasa and Armin, realize something and act accordingly, maybe against Eren himself.

In Mikasa’s case, the realization was gradual since then, because Eren’s lies kickstarted it immediately. In Armin’s case, I think we still haven’t seen the full potential of it, though it may come next chapter - and I mean the “You were influenced by Bertolt, an enemy” angle. I am surprised Armin hasn’t followed this reasoning in regards to Eren, who has three titans within him, none of them particularly allied with Paradis. We left Armin seeing Bertolt, who is, in turn, watching him. I wonder if a conversation won’t happen right off the bat in chapter 136.

Anyhow, Eren, in chapter 112, also very much hit Armin and Mikasa where it hurt them the most - which is the same thing he did to Zeke here, bringing up his hate for Grisha and how it was the only think really fuelling him, and went through all the effort of making him reconcile with Grisha. Mmm, sus. Am I the only one feeling it’s sus??? I really have to wonder if he doesn’t kind of want/need Zeke to stop him, just like I believe he did with Armin and Mikasa. After all, there was no need to antagonize them and make them have reasons to stop caring for him, if he didn’t want to be stopped.

So, if it wasn’t already clear, Eren is a big liar, and he’s good at it if you don’t know him (and Zeke, Armin, and Mikasa have proven they don’t know or understand him very well at times). His acting skills have been shown all the way back in the cabin scene when he was 8 years old and tricked those traffickers.

There is another layer to these lies that I’d like to touch upon, though.

The line you were inquiring about feels exactly like his “I am free” in chapter 112. He sounds so sure, but it is a freaking lie.

See how both Armin and Mikasa are confused by such a bold, out-of-the-blue statement, the same way Zeke asks Eren “Since birth?” because, like, what is that all even about?

Eren has been feeling trapped in his own future memories to the point that his freedom of choice even existing anymore has become a big question mark. There is no freedom in following the path you were shown.

Eren’s urge to save someone from “having their freedom solen” by “physically assaulting the perpetrators first” has never, ever meant that he was willing to or okay with sacrificing innocents. Quite the opposite, in fact. There have been whole arcs about that. About Eren freaking out over people dying for him, refusing to sacrifice friends for the bigger picture, grieving for or sympathizing with innocents losing their lives or having them destroyed by some bigger threat. That has not changed.

So the big question remains: Why?

With these outrageous and confident statements about himself, I don’t think Eren is merely lying to his interlocutor to change their perception of him. I think he is lying to himself as well in the meantime. It looks like it did the trick, or not - based on how you want to interpret it. He really has been dissociating hard during his rampage.

But it all depends on what Isayama's angle is with Eren. In 112 Eren seemed to believe his “I am free” statement because he had an instant reaction to Armin challenging it. At the same time, now that we also have chapter 130-131 to enrich our reading, there is no way Eren felt free into the choices he made after hearing Willy’s declaration of war. He saw a terrifying future, he hoped against hope that it would change, but felt powerless and gutted and desperate that all pointed to such a future being unchangeable. So I do wonder if maybe he didn’t end up lying to himself - subconsciously or not - that he is free... and that he is always been this way - a cold-blooded murderer who did it all for justice.

Zoom in on Eren forlornly watching himself as a kid show pure kindess to a girl who just went through the most traumatizing experience in her life.

For the matter, I don’t believe Eren “has always been this way”. I actually don’t believe he’s ever been that way. I don’t know why many(?) people just accept whatever Eren says at face value, ignoring all context surronding it.

As I posted very recently, it doesn’t make sense for Eren to go from one extreme to the other without a better excuse, or explanation, or a more believable writing of it...or a plot twist that I guess I will wait for for another 4 months:

Eren came to realize that outside the walls people are just...well, people. There are good ones everywhere, people who suffered just like him, people who deserve better, certainly don’t deserve to be caught up in the Rumbling, people who have lives, children, moms, loved ones. This is highlighted again in chapter 131, because maybe, when Eren brought it up in the basement with Falco and Reiner, people didn’t think he was being genuine. So Isayama shows us again that Eren truly believed that.

And yet, the chapter before, Eren put those very same people on the same level of Titans when he used to think Titans were scum, a nightmare sent to eat them alive, because he addressed them with “匹”, a derogatory counter when applied to people, because it is usually used for small animals.

The parallel to how he used to feel towards Titans is smacked in our faces, because in Japanese, it’s the same exact line. He now feels that way about people.

...What?

It doesn’t make sense, right?

Because really, the same way Eren’s first impulse in Marley was to save Ramzi when he was being beaten up (and threatened with a worse fate than some bruises), the same way Eren helped him regardless and again went against 3 full-grown men, it’s the same way Eren rushed to Mikasa’s rescue when he didn’t even know her... or the same way he pushed himself into a Titan’s mouth just to save Armin. it doesn’t come from a sentiment of “I need to punish these monsters because they are threatening me”. It comes from a natural, intrinsic need to help and save others. It is deeply saddening that at the end of this journey, with Ramzi, he just feels like this natural predisposition of his is just a fake and turns him into a hypocrite.

So for Eren to say he has always been that way while looking at his 8 years old self stabbing a human trafficker in the chest to save a little girl to try and explain why he’s killing innocent people who happens to be living alongside “the bad guys” is a false equivalence. Either it’s a lie Eren tells himself and to Zeke to make both of them believe this is what Eren is, and has always been, and there is nothing they could do to prevent it - in a sort of twisted liberation from guilt because “if I was always like this, then you and I both shouldn’t have expected anything different”...

...or it’s Isayama’s failed attempt at presenting a theoretical concept he liked and talked about in interviews, suddenly turning Eren into a poster boy for it and canceling previous sides of Eren’s complexity as a character. I would like to believe Isayama hasn’t lost his magic touch this badly, but every day I’m less sure of it.

My opinion, for what is worth, is that that line you quoted is something he said to trick Zeke into detaching himself from Eren and going against him - breaking the bonds of love all around him has been a very deliberate choice Eren has made post time-skip - and at the same time it’s something Eren is trying to believe himself, in a desperate attempt at explaining to his own conscience that he was destined to bring such destruction, that he was always capable of it, and that there is a sort of justice in it where there isn’t. And he knows, deep down. That’s why he dissociates in the end.

In a very twisted, self-deprecating way, Eren is a liar to everyone, himself included. He has become an unreliable narrator about himself. Eren has completely shut down because he cannot stand what he is doing.

And I would very much like to know why he gave up on trying to find a different solution, if that’s what it is that happened, and why he sounds like a different person every other scene he appears in, in the next 4 months.

[zutaralesbian]

If you're still doing the character thing: Anne Bonny, Azula, Karen Jackson

Anne Bonny:

My three favorite things about them:

Her loyalty. When Anne loves, she loves HARD. And you see that in her relationships with Jack and Max.

Her lack of ambition. While I LOVE ambition as a character trait (especially in female characters) Anne's lack of ambition is kind of refreshing in a show like Black Sails where almost all of the other characters are after something. At the end of the day Anne doesn't really care about treasure or power. She just cares about the people in her circle and supports them in their goals. (Those characters, again, mainly being Jack and Max.)

The way she's allowed to be dirty and say crude things. It's the trope of the grumpy warrior who is only soft for the people they care for....but in a female character. We really don't get female characters like Anne too often.

My three least favorite things about them:

I don't really like that the fact that she was the one who got Max captured by Vane in S1 was brushed over so fast. Yes she was the only person in Vane's crew that stood up for Max and she helped Eleanor free Max and murder her rapists, but she was part of the reason Max ended up there to begin with. Other than a brief comment about it from Max in S1, it wasn't even really acknowledged. Meanwhile the show allowed Anne to be angry at Max for betraying her and Jack for almost an entire season.

The fact that she killed poor Charlotte

????? I don't think I have anything else

My three favorite dynamics with them in it (romantic or platonic):

Anne/Max: Obviously! I love these two and their love story really spoke to me. I wish they had gotten a more explicit resolution :(

Anne/Jack: Another obvious choice. I think their relationship is a bit more unhealthy than some people like to admit (mostly the way she was an abuse and rape survivor and spent years feeling indebted to him because he saved her) but they are ride or die.

????? Anne didn't really have a lot of prominent relationships outside of Max and Jack. I do think her dynamic with Idelle was kind of compelling and I wish we had seen more of it. But I don't think it would have ever been a proper friendship since Idelle (rightfully) doesn't like Anne because she killed her friend.

My three favorite moments of theirs:

"I can't be your wife, Jack." I was just so proud of her

The scene where she opens up to Max about the abuse she suffered from her ex husband. It was so sad but very revealing :(

When she killed Max's rapists

Azula:

My three favorite things about them:

Her competence. I loved the fact that she was a villain that should be feared and she was not easily beaten. The other characters were always painfully aware of how easily she could win. And sometimes she did (ex: Ba Sing Se).

Her complexity, even though it makes me cry. Yes she was a great villain but she was also an abused teenage girl and a large part of her wants a sense of normalcy. We see that part really shine through in "The Beach" specifically :(

Her lines and dialogue. She truly has some of the most chilling (and iconic) lines on the show.

My three least favorite things about them:

The fandom discourse surrounding her. I feel like with Azula people are often either of two ways about her: They think she's an irredeemable monster or they think the way she ended up was everyone's fault but her own and use the fact that she was abused to excuse her of everything. I have a more middle opinion of her. I think she is deserving of sympathy and a shot at redemption since she was an abused child. BUT in doing so she would need to address the hurt she caused to people. (And yes Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee would all be on that list of people). She's a complicated character that deserves nuanced takes on her. Other than that though I don't think I have any issues with her.

My three favorite dynamics with them in it (romantic or platonic):

Azula/Zuko: Ugh this is one of the most interesting but tragic relationships on the whole show 😔

Azula/Mai/Ty Lee: Yes it ended in flames and was problematic but a trio of villainous girls kicking ass???? How could I not love that????

Azula/Ursa: I'm into this dynamic more for the potential? I so wish we had gotten to see more of it (that's not the comics lmao) because it could be so interesting and angsty. Idk. I think about Azula and her deeply complicated relationship with her mother a lot.

My three favorite moments of theirs:

"My own mother....thought I was a monster. She was right of course but it still hurt." And just every moment in "The Beach" tbh. Such a good Azula episode.

"Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player." ICONIC

Her breakdown when she hallucinated Ursa in the series finale. So intense and heartbreaking.

Karen Jackson:

My three favorite things about them:

Her love for Sheila. It was the first thing that drew me to her character in S1.

She's pretty funny a lot of the time. Idk. I just know that a good amount of the iconic scenes from the early seasons involved her.

Her strive to want to be successful. The scene where she asks Frank to come to her parent-teacher conference always breaks my heart because she wanted someone to be proud of her. It makes the way they wrote her character off even more infuriating to me.

My three least favorite things about them:

The fact that she raped Frank

Her ableism towards her baby. (To be clear I firmly believe that Karen had every right to not want to keep the baby. I just wasn't a fan of some of her comments.)

The way she was written off. Especially knowing it likely happened because Laura Slade Wiggins didn't want to do nude scenes anymore 😕

My three favorite dynamics with them in it (romantic or platonic):

Karen/Sheila: The relationship definitely wasn't the best at points (Sheila fucking the grown ass man that slept with her underaged daughter????) but I loved the fact that the show had a complex relationship between a mother and a daughter at one point. I miss them.

Karen/Lip: I don't ship them but their dynamic in S1 at least was honestly pretty cute. The 'I promise I don't love you' scene is one of the most memorable angst scenes from the show imo.

Karen didn't really get the chance to have any other prominent dynamics :( I will forever be pissed about the awful way they handled Karen and Mandy. They actually had a lot in common and in a better world they would have been girlfriends friends.

My three favorite moments of theirs:

Pissing on her father's grave. Iconic.

The 'I promise I don't love you' scene between her and Lip. Idk why I love that scene so much but I do. It was just so well acted.

The scene between her and Sheila where Sheila apologized to her for not always being a great mother. Just the EMOTIONS.

Thank you! :)

[wiseabsol]

WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 15: Lost

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/15/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 15!

CHAPTER 15: LOST

 Alright, I’m a little late on this one, so let’s just dive into the ugly sadness of “Chapter 15: Lost,” shall we?

 The A/N mentions that Toph, Suki, and Sokka will be back in five or six chapters, and a part of me can’t help but think, “Good, you three are distracting us from the Surround Sound Stereo Angst for the Royal Fire Family.” Joking aside, I am looking forward to Toph’s character development later on, because even though I know some of what is going to happen in future chapters of “Dominion,” I legitimately don’t think that Aurelia and I have discussed Toph’s arc yet. It’s a blind spot for me, but I’m okay with that, since I want to have some surprises in the wings, rather than just enjoying how X and Y parts are executed. Both ways of reading this story are fun, but the former is more enjoyable for reader in me, rather than the editor.

 If the outline mentioned in chapter fifteen is still accurate, then that means that we have seven chapters left of “Dominion” at present, before we move on to “Thrones.” That number might be off, though, because Aurelia tends to be more verbose than she expects and has to split the chapters into multiple parts.

 On to the chapter itself. Ty Lee and Mai are meeting in a sitting room. Ty Lee is nervous and Mai wonders if Ty Lee thinks that she’s mad at her, but Ty Lee hastens to reassure her. Mai’s aura indicates that she’s anxious and struggling to maintain control during this conversation. Mai is upset about “Zuko’s mistake,” but she doesn’t blame Ty Lee for it—she knows who to blame (Azula, probably, but maybe both her and Zuko). Mai doesn’t think that it was a bad idea for Zuko to team up with June, because the bounty hunter will track Azula down in short order and have her back in custody.

 Ty Lee is not enthused about this idea. Despite knowing that Mai isn’t going to like it, she tells Mai that Azula shouldn’t be put back into the asylum. As trash of a human being as J. K. Rowling is, I can’t help but think of the quote, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.” Ty Lee, you are the overlooked and unsung hero of this story. There should be shrines in your honor.

 Mai never likes it when Ty Lee brings up Azula, and usually deflects the conversation. Ty Lee also sees Mai less than she sees Azula, so they don’t get much of a chance to talk anyway. “Ty Lee still felt a little guilty about that, but Mai was always so busy, and Mai and Zuko would never even talk about Azula when she was the one who brought them all together in the first place….”

 A few things here. Ty Lee and Mai are maybe a little like Ty Lee and Zuko, in that they call each other friends, but it doesn’t seem like anyone is putting in the effort to be friends. Mai could be making more time for Ty Lee. Mai could be trying to empathize with Ty Lee over the Azula issue. At the same time, I think Mai has been trying to set a boundary with Ty Lee about Azula, but either Mai hasn’t made it clear enough to Ty Lee that this is a boundary, or Ty Lee isn’t able to respect it because Azula is so important to her. It seems like there are competing needs at work here, and the feelings on both sides are valid.

 At the same time, this situation has been festering for years. It’s clear that Mai has never been at peace with her feelings towards Azula, and that this is hurting her as much as it’s going to hurt Azula. I think Mai’s hatred for Azula is founded on the love she once had for her. While a large part of her might think that Azula deserved her fate, and even found it satisfying to see Azula brought low, there might also be a small part of her that wonders if that fall was partially her fault (it was, since Mai accidentally slammed down on Azula’s triggers), and feels guilty for it and for feeling that satisfaction. Also, from the way she’s been behaving, Mai might very well have been just as toxic and false a friend to Azula as she accuses Azula of being to her. She didn’t communicate her needs or desires to Azula, but instead let herself boil alive with resentment. She might blame Azula for how things went down, but she’s ignoring the role she played in it.

 As the conversation continues, Ty Lee dances around why it would be bad to send Azula back to the asylum (because Azula is pregnant), and Mai says, “‘She tell you they abused her? And here I thought it was her dad.’”

 Which brings another layer into this. I’m going to discuss this in more detail later, but Mai has now been confronted with the idea that Azula was an abused child—just as abused as Zuko was. And besides this recontextualizing Azula’s behavior, now Mai is left to wonder, “How did I never notice?” I think there’s a tiny part of her, one that she denies, that is appalled over what happened to Azula.

 Ty Lee, who loves Azula whole-heartedly, is HORRIFIED by this revelation. She feels like the ground is “rushing up to hit her” and remembers how Ozai treated her, the last night she spent in the castle as a kid. And then she…well: “But Azula was so strong, she wouldn’t let anyone do that to her, would she? At least she would have told Ty Lee, they were best friends!” Oh Ty Lee, honey. That’s not how abuse works. Azula wouldn’t have told anyone, both because she was ordered not to by her abuser, but also because that would have meant being vulnerable around someone else. Does that sound like something Azula would do?

 Mai says that Azula must have been lying about the abuse, but the thing is, Azula didn’t tell Mai about it. Zuko did. And even Mai doesn’t really believe it is a lie, if Ty Lee’s aura-reading is accurate. Mai’s just trying really hard to believe in her own lie. Mai argues that Ty Lee only ever sees the good in people—which isn’t true, since Ty Lee can see the flaws in people, but is more forgiving of them than the other characters are (except for Aang). Mai wonders if Ty Lee has convinced herself that there’s goodness in Azula where there is none.

 And that’s…a lot. Because there’s a mix of good and bad in everyone. Some people lean more towards one end of the spectrum than the other, but if you look hard enough, you’ll always find something that humanizes even the most saintly or heinous of people. My stepmother, who was emotionally and psychologically abusive, wasn’t pure evil. She made my father happy. She was fiercely protective of those she loved. She made the best oatmeal cookies in the world and shared my passion for sappy romances. I’ve progressed enough in my healing that I can see these things, and see her as a troubled person who made mistakes and never got the help she needed. But Mai…she hasn’t healed the way I have. She hasn’t forgiven Azula. She might never be able to do that, either, given recent events (and she doesn’t have to—that’s her choice to make). And as long as that’s the case, it’s so much easier for her to demonize Azula, because if Azula is a demon, then Mai doesn’t have to grapple with the messy reality of Azula as a person, or grapple with how Ozai’s, Zuko’s, and Mai’s own choices damaged her.

 Then we get this passage, which I’m going to quote in full, because it’s a slap in the face to absolutist thinking where Azula is concerned:

 “‘I know she did some bad things, some awful things even, but that was four years ago and she was just a kid! We all were!’ [Ty Lee] argued [ . . . ] ‘And most of that stuff she did on her dad’s orders, and who knows what he would’ve done if she refused—’

 ‘Oh yes, poor helpless little victim,’ Mai interrupted coldly, rising to her feet with more grace than Ty Lee. ‘It’s not like she ever had a choice.’

 ‘She had a choice, but this stuff makes a difference, Mai!’ Ty Lee insisted, desperate to make her see it. ‘It makes a difference how we judge what she did! And we know now she was crazy!’ Ty Lee seized on the horrible truth with more enthusiasm than she would ever have guessed, spreading her hands to offer explanation. ‘Doesn’t that make a difference to you?’”

 Context. Matters. It matters so much when you’re judging someone’s behavior. If someone is under duress, or isn’t fully in their right mind, or if they have no good choices, can we really blame them from making bad ones? And in Azula’s case, she was a child. Should she really have been written off by anyone, let alone our heroes?

 Mai doesn’t believe that Azula was mentally ill, though. That was just a part of Azula’s scheme, you see. Ty Lee is rightly appalled by this. “‘Even if—you thought she just made it up—to avoid prison or something,’ she grasped at the logic only loosely, because it was disgusting, ‘you can’t deny what it did to her! She starved herself almost to death, she almost died!’” I really appreciate that Ty Lee is disgusted by Mai’s reasoning here. You go, Ty Lee! Four for you, Ty Lee! You’re the only reasonable person from the Fire Nation in this cast, I swear.

 Ty Lee reminds Mai that there were witnesses to Azula’s deteriorating mental state, but realizes that Mai is in denial about this: “Realization leaked through cold and creeping as the egg Ty Lin broke over her head that one time. ‘Or maybe you can deny it,’ she whispered, horrified, and took a swift step back with hands raised before her when Mai lifted her head.” Yeah, I’m fully in agreement with Ty Lee’s horror. She’s looking at a friend who is so twisted up by resentment that she has lost sight of reality, in favor of believing a comfortable lie—namely, that Azula is irredeemable and so Mai doesn’t need to care about what happens to her. Even though Mai does need to care about this, because Zuko and Ty Lee will be gutted if Azula dies, and the Fire Nation will probably go to war over it.

 “‘I didn’t see her because she treated me like shit,’ Mai spoke deliberately.” Mai is right that she doesn’t have to have Azula in her life if she doesn’t want Azula there. You don’t have to have anyone in your life who has hurt you. But that isn’t all that’s going on here. Mai is still smoldering with anger four years later, and her inability to let that anger go has been eating her alive. It’s making her lash out at Zuko and Ty Lee when they try to broach the subject of Azula. This isn’t healthy for her or anyone else. This is just a continuation of the behavior that plagued her as a teenager—suppressing all of her negative emotions until they explode outwards, rather than allowing herself to feel them, accept them, learn from them, and move on.

 When Mai points out that she doesn’t owe Azula anything, Ty Lee replies that she wouldn’t have met or fallen in love with Zuko if she hadn’t been Azula’s friend. This stings for Mai, given that the siblings have had sex: “‘She gives, and she takes away….’”

 Ty Lee, being more perceptive than anyone gives her credit for, figures out that something must have happened. She’s very sympathetic, asking if Mai wants to talk about it. Mai panics and has another angry outburst, thinking that Azula must have told Ty Lee about what Zuko did. “[Ty Lee] was reminded uncannily of how Azula reacted to Mai’s rejection at the Boiling Rock, and found it hard to fathom how Mai hadn’t run for the hills on receiving such a look.” This is interesting, because it suggests that part of the reason why Mai loathes Azula so much is because of the similarities between them. There is nothing more unsettling than seeing a dark mirror of yourself in someone else.

 Ty Lee doesn’t know what Mai is talking about, and then kicks herself for revealing that to Mai: “Azula would have known enough to pretend she already knew, so Mai would tell her.” Mai shuts down at this point and tells Captain Tadao to take Ty Lee to her rooms, because they’ve “embarrassed each other enough for one day” and that they’ll talk later.

 Ty Lee knows that’s bullshit. “They wouldn’t because Mai never wanted to talk about Azula, and was extra unlikely to want to talk about Azula when she had problems of her own with Zuko.” I’m sure that Mai was reluctant to talk about Azula with Ty Lee because she didn’t think that Ty Lee would let her vent about her anger towards Azula, or understand it and not make excuses for Azula. Which is fair, but Mai should have found someone else to vent to to get the poison out, and then circled back to seeing Azula as a human being who fucked up.

 Actually, you know what Mai probably needs? She needs to confront Azula about what happened between them, because she hasn’t seen Azula since the Boiling Rock. Yeah, Mai had a cool line about loving Zuko more than fearing Azula, but that didn’t get into her specific grievances, or allow Azula to address or apologize for them to give Mai closure. And we know that Azula feels bad about what she did, because it was what haunted her the most when she was having her breakdown. If Azula really was a monster, then she wouldn’t feel that remorse.

 “Ty Lee felt bad about that, and she wanted to help Mai, she really did”—Ty Lee is too good for this sinful Earth—“but Mai wouldn’t tell her anything, and even though her problems seemed bad, Azula’s could get her killed—” Yeah, the most reasonable one of the bunch, our Ty Lee.

 Ty Lee begs Mai to do something to help Azula, because she’ll die if the Earth Kingdom catches her. Ty Lee has this heart-wrenching speech: “‘I know you guys had problems, and—maybe you think she was never your friend [ . . . ] But she thought of you as a friend, Mai, she told me so! She fought so hard to get better, she’s a better person now, and she deserves a second chance! But she’ll never get that chance unless we help her.’” Carve my heart out and eat it, why don’t you?

 And Mai…is unmoved by this. And condescending about it. “‘I hoped your actions might prove you were ready to cut ties with her too. But clearly you can’t be trusted to know what’s best for you” She’s referring here to Ty Lee seemingly choosing the Kyoshi Warriors over Azula. But also, it’s gross that Mai assumes that she knows what is best for Ty Lee. Fuck off with that, Mai.

 Mai doubles down on the whole, “Azula’s awful, I don’t owe her anything, and don’t come crying to me when she hurts you” schtick. If she’d met the adult version of Azula and seen that version of her hurt someone, such as Ty Lee, then this reaction would make sense. What this is instead is Mai holding onto a grudge that is years old and using it as a weapon. She’s clinging to the idea that Azula can never change…even though that’s not how people work. Especially not people in the formative years of their lives, which they all still qualify as.

 Aaaand Ty Lee, panicking now, reveals that Azula is pregnant as a last-ditch effort to get Mai to get her head out of her black-clad butt and see reason. Mai goes into despairing shock at this news and accidentally cuts herself with her own knife, much to Ty Lee’s and Captain Tadao’s alarm. One of the guards tries to grab Ty Lee, but Ty Lee chi-blocks him and he collapses. The next one manages to grab her. Mai orders them to remove Ty Lee from the room, and instead of putting Ty Lee in her guest bedroom, they stick her in a study.

 We learn that Ty Lee actually likes Tadao, because he works hard and doesn’t dismiss Ty Lee’s suggestions on how to improve palace security. He’s the one who comes to see Ty Lee instead of Mai. He tells her that Mai is going to be fine. She might have a scar on her hand, but she’ll still be able to use it. When Ty Lee wonders why she got so upset, Tadao points out that since Mai and Azula are sisters-in-law, Azula’s condition will have an impact on Mai. This is also “the latest in a recent line of insults.” To put it another way, Mai is bitter at Azula for having sex with Zuko and throwing that wrench into her marriage (namely, by revealing that Zuko is not the person she thought he was). Then there are the political considerations, given that Azula’s kid could have a place in the line of succession, if the kid gets legitimized someday. Which then puts little Lu Ten’s claim at risk.

 This also reveals that Captain Tadao knows what happened between Azula and Zuko. For a second, I thought that he was Mai’s uncle, and so the ugly secret was just between them and the Fire siblings. But no, more people know about it, and that is NOT GOOD. But Captain Tadao seems like a good guy (sidebar, but was he the guy who escorted baby Ty Lee out of the palace during the abortion episode? It would be a sweet connection if so), and when Ty Lee asks why Mai won’t confide in her about what is going on between her and Zuko, Tadao is gentle when he tells her, “‘I think you know the answer to that question.’” Ty Lee’s love for Azula and Mai’s hatred of her is something they cannot reconcile, and given how important Azula is in their lives, it’s a potential dealbreaker for them, at least as far as having a close emotional, trusting relationship goes. A casual friendship is still possible, but probably not if Mai or Ty Lee keep pushing each other.

 Mai has decided to pack Ty Lee off to Kyoshi Island, and has gotten her a ticket and an escort to the harbor. Ty Lee has written Mai a letter to continue their conversation. I’m struck by how fast Mai is pushing Ty Lee out of the Fire Nation. What if Ty Lee wanted to visit her family? What if she wanted to enjoy some spicy homecooked Fire Nation food? What if she, god forbid, decided to visit Ozai for a nice shouting match (well, shouting at his comatose body, more like)? Alas, the plot beckons us forward!

 We find ourselves back with Zuko and June. Hooray? I put a question mark there because Zuko doesn’t appearing to be having a good time with the bounty hunter. He is, in fact, puking his guts out. Traveling with June has the feeling of a boot camp to Zuko, because she keeps trying to “toughen him up”: “It reminded Zuko uncomfortably of his father’s early tutelage, before Ozai gave up shaping him into an unfeeling weapon of war, and turned his sights to Azula instead.” Oh Zuko, if you knew what Ozai was trying to shape YOU into, then why blame Azula for—at least in your eyes—becoming it?

 June puts all of the gross chores of their journey onto him, and tries to steal his food to see if he’s cunning enough to get it back. I’m sure she finds this amusing, but I remember how hard Zuko’s journey apart from Iroh was, and I think she might have an overly inflated opinion of her teaching skills.

 In any case, they find the Dai Li agent hiding in a cave and June forces Zuko to interrogate him. It sounds like June is doing the heavy-lifting where torturing the man is concerned, though. June keeps telling Zuko to burn the man, and reminds him that Azula will be tortured if she’s captured. Eventually, the man begs Zuko to kill him, and Zuko has a flashback to when he was burned by Ozai: “he could only think of a hand wreathed in flame, reaching for him.” It’s at this point that Zuko throws up. He tries to argue that the man deserves this: “He would have blackmailed me, hunted my sister down like an animal. He wouldn’t flinch from torturing her, even killing her if he was ordered.” This line of reasoning doesn’t give him any comfort, though.

 I do want to point out that torture, despite what fiction would like us to believe, is an ineffective tool for getting reliable information out of someone. Oftentimes it’s bribery that works better, such as, “You know we can’t let you go, but if you tell us what we want to know, we can make sure that no harm comes to your loved ones.” People in pain will say anything to make it stop, so gentler methods are more effective. However, it’s become ingrained in our cultural consciousness that torture works, despite what studies have shown. And since hurting the villain can be cathartic to an audience, and a hero hurting the villain can tell us something about them as a person, it comes up a LOT in action stories. And while I am exhausted by it being used in this way (torture as a tool of the villains tracks better, since there is no shortage of people who find satisfaction in making other people feel pain), I do see why it is used here. It’s only recently that the ineffectiveness of torture has become more generally known, whereas Zuko lives in a time period analogous to…probably the late 1800s?

 I do wish that the torture here hadn’t yielded the information that it had, or that this information turned out to be bunk upon investigating it. As if it, the Dai Li agent is mostly filling in non-vital information: that he worked as an orderly at the asylum and had a partner there, hence how he got to the beach house on Ember Island so fast. So the partner needs to be taken care of at some point soon. Zuko better remember to send that letter!

 Then we get this chilling thought from Zuko: “Zuko considered for the first time what might have happened, if she had not run from the asylum. If the Earth Kingdom grew impatient [ . . . ] it would have been appallingly easy to make her death look like a suicide, an accident overdose, a bad reaction to her medication….” Yeah, she was definitely a sitting duck there.

 “He wondered if Azula knew, or suspected, that she was in the care of her enemies when she decided to run [ . . . ] She had an instinct for these things. The only time she hadn’t seen it coming was when her friend betrayed her. And when Zuko left to join Aang in ending the war, if her converse [sic] with absent fathers was to be believed—" I don’t know if Azula ever knew that there were Dai Li agents lurking about, but even Zuko is starting to see why Azula has such bad trust issues.

 It looks like June continued with the torture and got the location of her dad out of her victim. I really wish she’d gotten a fake location, but I understand that the plot necessitates a swift end to this subplot. June hopes that Zuko is less squeamish about violence when someone is out to kill him, but I’m sure he would be fine in that situation, because that would be a fair fight, rather than causing someone who is helpless and incapacitated a useless amount of pain. June killed the agent in the end, and when Zuko argues that torturing him wasn’t right, and she replies with, “‘It was necessary. You head one of the most powerful nations in the world, don’t you know what that is?’”

 And…(sigh)…yes, leaders need to make tough calls sometimes. But if they choose to do something this ugly, they really shouldn’t be fine with it afterwards. They should acknowledge that it was evil, but that they couldn’t see another way to accomplish their goal. That route accepts more responsibility than hiding behind the idea that it was for “the greater good” and that no one else could have thought of a better path forward. When June says that the torture was necessary, that doesn’t make it not evil. It just means that she didn’t see another way to get what she needed.

 June then points out that Ozai was a helpless prisoner when Zuko burned him, which stings Zuko. I would argue that Zuko is right about it being different—his crime was one of passion, whereas June’s was coldly calculated. But both ultimately led to human suffering, so both of them were wrong to do it.

 Zuko takes a deep breath to keep from lashing out at June, which tells us that he CAN manage his anger when he wants to. He’s struggling, though, because he’s tempted to tell June what Ozai did to Azula to justify burning his dad. He decides not to: “It didn’t feel right somehow, telling anyone else about the abuse. He wondered if this was how Uncle felt when he found out, and why he didn’t say anything. He still should have said something….” Zuko is right—Azula’s trauma isn’t his to share. He also goes from having empathy for Iroh to being angry with him in a split second, which makes sense. He’s conflicted about how his uncle handled the discovery. At the very least, Iroh should have told her doctors, so she could get the care she needed.

 “How many more of [June’s] cruelties would he have to witness or take part in, before this was over?” This is rough and why I am not a fan of characters like June. Azula’s actions in this fic are calculated to minimize harm; June has no such scruples. She’s too much in “the ends justify the means” frame of mind.

 Zuko has two thoughts that suggest that Azula is the devil on his shoulder, as far as his brain is concerned. “You would [burn Ozai] again” and “You could kill [June . . . ] Remove the threat.” He describes the latter thought as being “so alien and disturbing Azula might have suggested it herself.” No, my dude. Just like hallucination!Ursa is a reflection of Azula’s doubts, whispering!Azula is a reflection of Zuko’s darker thoughts and impulses, which he deflects onto her because that is easier for him to do than face the darkness within himself.

 He then has some off-color thoughts about June, besides the idea of murdering her. “Sometimes Zuko thought she was more animal than woman”—Gross!—“and didn’t know whether to be turned on or disgusted by her antics. He had even wondered once in the long hours he spent riding behind her how Mai would look dressed all in black leather like that.” This would be a much lighter story if Zuko and Mai had just embraced his leather kink, rather than him embracing his toxic desire to possess Azula.

 As June taunts him about how he wouldn’t win if he tried to kill her, he figures out that she knows that he slept with Azula. She confirms it: “‘Your secret’s out. I might have forgot to mention our mutual friend let that slip, before the end. He got a message to the others. Looks like we should’ve moved faster.’” This means that Zuko, Azula, Mai, Mai’s uncle, Tadao, June, and now some unnamed Dai Li agents—who will probably pass this information along to their superiors—are in the know. That is very bad! Zuko had better hope that they’ll be able to spin this information as slander against him and his family, because if people believe it, his family is going to have a tough time holding onto the throne.

 June throws in that now she knows why he has problems with women, which Zuko denies. I feel like he’s better about women than Iroh and Ozai, but his treatment of Azula is definitely skeevy. June, in any case, isn’t bothered by this information, because she doesn’t have siblings as far as she knows. She also doesn’t have the same cultural teachings as Zuko, so she doesn’t have the same taboos that he does.

 We switch over to Mai, who is sulking in Zuko’s study. She’s read Ty Lee’s letter a few times by now and is not impressed. She thinks that she’s entitled to be upset, given the situation, and I can’t fault her for that. “That a man so endearingly awkward and painfully sincere would betray her with anyone, let alone his manipulative bitch of a sister, was a permissible source of surprise.” While I don’t like how she describes Azula, I agree with the rest of her sentiment.

 “That Azula would take fullest advantage of his lapse was not.” This is ridiculous, though. What, did Azula plan to escape while she was ovulating so that she would become pregnant when she seduced her brother? Is that how the story is going in your brain, Mai? Why would Azula do something like that? She’d be disgraced if anyone found out, just as much as Zuko (unless she spun it as rape, which IT WAS. But Mai seems to be thinking that Azula would make a false accusation). Azula certainly will be disgraced if she has a bastard. Also, her being pregnant is going to slow her down and make her more vulnerable. That’s such a stupid plan, and when have Azula’s plans ever been stupid?

 “Mai bent her head and gripped her bandaged hand, to draw a deep breath against the grief that welled inside her like an aching void. A void that demanded how he could do this, how he could still defend her, how he could think she didn’t plan this, why—” Mai is struggling because she knows that she was mostly betrayed by Zuko (she no longer trusted Azula, so how could Azula betray her?), but she can’t help but think that Azula had an evil plan. Probably because if Azula did have an evil plan, then maybe Mai could someday forgive Zuko for falling for it.

 Her uncle arrives and she tells him the news. “And Mai felt a rush of ruthless satisfaction, upon seeing the warden back into the desk adjacent to her, revulsion etched in every line of his aging face. It wasn’t just her. Zuko tried to act like this was a terrible but legitimate mistake, like it was at all comparable to anything he’d done wrong before. But her uncle knew. He knew it was an abomination.” Yeah, Zuko and Azula committed a big cultural taboo. It’s unsurprising that other people are reacting this way. Also, I’m sure some of Mai’s satisfaction is that finally, someone is on her side, rather than on Zuko’s or Azula’s.

 Her uncle voices the idea that maybe the child isn’t Zuko’s at all—that Azula is trying to trap him with a lie—but Mai responds that whether it is or isn’t, Zuko will think it is, and that’s what will matter. She then reflects on her own sexual history with Zuko. They were sleeping together before he defected, and they continued to carry on without protection when he returned. It took two years before she became pregnant with Lu Ten, long enough that she’d wondered if Zuko was waiting to marry her until he was sure she could get pregnant. Which even she knows is a silly idea. He probably just didn’t think to make their union official until she got pregnant and he realized that he should do the “honorable” thing and wed her.

 Mai is salty about Azula getting pregnant from one night with him, when it took so much longer for her. When her uncle asks her what she plans to do, she comments that Azula’s medical records have gone missing. Zuko might have them?

 “‘Supposedly she almost died in the asylum,’ Mai explained, her words ringing strangely hollow to her own ears. ‘Her doctors said she would never fully recover. I wanted to know if I could reasonably expect this to kill her.’ She tried to imagine the princess bleeding out, that she might die screaming in the same agony Mai endured when Lu Ten was born—and couldn’t. But there would be time enough to consider why later.” Mai can’t imagine her ex-friend dying. As much as she hates Azula, I don’t think she genuinely wants Azula dead, as convenient as that would be for her.

 She then subtly suggests to her uncle that they could make it look like Azula just bled out like that—a tragic turn of events, but not anyone’s fault. Mai then accuses Zuko of being irrationally protective of Azula and that he’ll set Mai aside if she moves against Azula openly. I’m not sure Zuko would really do that, since he loves Mai deeply, but I don’t think their marriage would ever recover if Mai killed Azula.

 Her uncle notices her hand, and we get this sweet moment: “Mai put her hand in his offered palm without hesitation. A reflex born of the first months she spent training with knives under his tutelage, when he had often [sic] to tend nicks and cuts gained in her practice. When Mai showed no signs of firebending by her fifth birthday, it was her Uncle Tom who first put a blade in her hand, and offered his home for the summer, so she might learn to use it.” When Mai mentioned that her current injury was an accident, her uncle adds, “‘A man like that isn’t worth hurting yourself over.’”

 This is a genuinely sweet relationship, and it makes me wish that he had been the one who raised Mai, instead of her parents. She probably would have learned how to express her emotions in a healthy way, rather than bottling them up. He also doesn’t seem to care that she was a girl and had gender roles to conform to. Really, I’m glad that he’s in her corner. She needs someone to be, because this situation is legitimately awful for her.

 Mai gets a hug from her uncle, which I think she’s needed for a while. She thanks him for being there for her and not saying, “I told you so,” because her uncle never approved of Zuko. They even make a joke about the situation, about how neither of them thought Zuko would cheat on her with his sister, which is some very dark humor.

 Things take a turn when her uncle comments that the Royal family has been corrupt since Sozin, to which Mai replies that he should be careful, because her son is one of them. Tsutomu then suggests that he doesn’t have to be—that if something happened to Zuko, Lu Ten could be raised away from the toxicity of the paternal side of his family. Mai doesn’t like this idea, but her uncle keeps pushing, suggesting that if Zuko has cheated once, maybe he’s done so before and will do so again. Mai shoots this line of reasoning down, because she’s questioned their household about it and knows better, and doesn’t think that Zuko will stray again. Tsutomu keeps suggesting that they could have Zuko killed, and Mai tells him to stop thinking about it. He insists that he would never do anything without her consent. I want to trust him on this, but given later events, I worry that he might have some involvement there. If he does, it will be a case of him thinking that he knows what’s best for her, rather than respecting her wishes.

 We then shift back to Azula, who was being pursued by Fong’s men, but managed to shake them when she entered the swamp. Unfortunately, her mount broke its leg when they were running down the mountain, so Azula had to put it down. What a waste! It would have been cruel to let it suffer, though. Azula wanted to trade her ostrich horse for a different mount, but the sandbenders never showed up. She travelled in the desert for a while, keeping the mountains in sight to avoid getting lost, but she needed more water before long. That was when she was discovered by Fong’s men, and she has a couple of sardonic thoughts about how her “famous luck” hadn’t helped her out.

 She then starts trekking through the standing water in the marsh, and I’m already shuddering at the thought of all of the mosquitos there. Though they’re probably crossed with something like a wasp to make them extra horrible. Azula climbs up a tree to see if she can spot her pursuers, and thinks about how stupid they were to advertise their intentions in a fight. Fair! We also get the interesting tidbit that benders and nonbenders in the Earth Kingdom tend to work together in squads, whereas this team was specifically all earthbenders and was patrolling during peace time. Azula takes this to mean that they were searching for her. We also learn that Azula is heading to an avatar shrine.

 Azula’s pack is waterlogged at this point, and she sighs in a way that reminds her of Mai. This thought leads her to reflect on her ex-friend, much like Mai was doing earlier in the chapter. There is a humous moment where Azula thinks that Mai would have given herself up to avoid stepping into the swamp, and then a bitter one as she thinks, “You never minded getting your hands dirty except in the most literal sense. Yet it was you and not Ty Lee who finally suffered a crisis of conscience—” Meaning that Mai’s betrayal really did come out of nowhere for Azula.

 At this, Azula starts hallucinating Mai. She nearly falls out of the tree in surprise, with her pack opening up and her supplies tumbling into the water. Hallucination!Mai is offended by Azula’s thoughts, reminding Azula that she loved Zuko and didn’t want his blood on her hands. Azula, after a moment, reminds herself that she’s not in the asylum anymore, so what she’s seeing could just be a trick of the light or her imagination…except the Gaang ran into visions in this swamp, so it might be magic at work.

 Azula tries to get herself back onto the branch properly, but can’t manage a full crunch. Oh buddy, I feel you. She then does the way more impressive thing by swinging backwards, releasing the branch, and grabbing the vines to stop her fall on the way down. She notices that her pursuers are spreading out around the edge of the swamp, probably to intercept her when she emerges. She figures they’ll wait for reinforcements and might try to flush her out when they have better numbers.

 Azula considers that there might be dangers in the swamp that she’ll have to deal with, such as “deadly beasts or hostile primitives.” (Sigh.) Sometimes, her being from an imperialist society rears its ugly head. She figures that she needs to make her way to the far end of the swamp before her pursuers do. She takes some time to regather her supplies and then starts the wet trek, while being swarmed by mosquitos. She decides to heat the air around her to try to drive them off. I wish I could do that on summer evenings!

 We shift over to Zuko, who is fighting with a team of Dai Li. Looks like he and June have arrived at the hideout! June has coated her whip in shirsu weapon, which works well and makes her match with Nyla. Zuko notes that the Dai Li are trying to use lethal force on him and June, since they aren’t there on official Fire Lord business, so no one will know who killed them. June at one point does a handspring that would have impressed Ty Lee, which is a fun detail, and then Zuko pulls a leaf out of June’s book and makes some fire whips. Once they’ve taken care of the team, they go through the cave and pass by the crystal cells, which June doesn’t bother to check because there are no guards around. Zuko has a sinking feeling that some of the guards must have smuggled June’s dad out and they’ll have to start the search all over again, which means that one of the unconscious men they left behind might get a spot of torture. BUT Nyla knocked out the guards before they could flee on ostrich-horseback, so June’s dad is fine and trying to get his cuffs off.

 June’s father is a balding man with a squarish face and glasses. He teases June for taking so long, and then notices Zuko. There’s an argument about the logistics of the fight, the point of it being that June wasn’t sure if Zuko was going to hold his own, and that if he got caught, she was worried that he would have told them which way June and her father ran. Zuko is insulted at the idea that he would have ratted them out, and asks if they would have left him behind. June says that they wouldn’t have, mostly because it would have come back to bite them if they had. Zuko reminds her that now that her father is free, it’s time for her to fulfill her part of the deal and track down Azula. June asks him if he has a scent sample from Azula on him, because the last one they had is ashes now, and led Nyla to him anyway.

 He thinks there are still things in the house on Ember Island that they could use, and remembers some of what happened that night: “Her lips moved silently, forming the same word over and over again. He knew what word she spoke now, two months too late…. I used her no more kindly than him.” Yikes! That word is father and just…ugh. This twisted family. I was trying to explain the appeal of this fic to a friend last night, and I kept saying, “It’s really dark and heavy, but it’s fascinating from a psychological standpoint!”

 The trio decide to head to Ember Island. If nothing there works as a sample, they’ll go to the palace. I don’t think there would be fresh enough scents there, so the beach house will have to work. Zuko thinks that after they find Azula, he’ll “make amends, the only way he had left.” Presumably he means to Azula, but he could also be talking about Mai, since Mai also wants Azula caught, though his sister’s fate afterwards would probably be darker than what Zuko wants.

 We switch back to Azula, who is being badgered by Hallucination!Mai. I am a little amused about the joke she makes about Azula never lacking direction, though the direction was sometimes the wrong one. If this is Azula’s self-doubt talking, then that’s an acknowledgement that she’s made mistakes and hasn’t always gone down the right path, which flies in the face of her usual self-confidence. There is a suggestion that this hallucination is actually a swamp vision, rather than a symptom of Azula’s mental illness. Unlike her normal hallucinations, this image of Mai vanishes as soon as she looks too closely at it. “Strange that the hallucinations at the asylum never did that.”

 This Mai talks more than the hallucinated version of her did. “‘You ever think maybe I didn’t say much, ‘cause I knew you didn’t care what I had to say?’” this Mai says. Azula, tired and bitter, snaps back sarcastically, pointing out that she asked for Mai’s council many times and trusted her as much as she allowed herself to trust anyone. I suspect part of what’s going on here is that Azula is grappling with her fear about how other people—specifically the people she loved—view her. She fears that they see her as a monster and that they’re right to do so, because of the choices she’s made. It’s one thing to have your family by blood betray you, but another thing to have your chosen family do so.

 Azula admits that she used Mai’s “infatuation” with Zuko for her own self-gain (clearly not realizing the depth of Mai’s love for Zuko), but that she “still expected Mai to be smart enough to act in her own self-interest.” She was secure in that belief, otherwise she wouldn’t have brought Mai to the Boiling Rock or let Mai have the “first crack at Zuko.” From the sound of it, Azula thought that she was giving Mai a chance for revenge over being left behind by Zuko. Except that Mai couldn’t stand by as he was killed….

 Which Azula doesn’t understand. “‘He was a traitor!’ Azula screeched in disbelief, her fist clenched so hard she could feel every bone in her hand. ‘He betrayed you just as much as me! And you still chose him!’ Her voice broke. I was your friend first. He wasn’t anything to you anymore. He ended it in a letter, too much of a coward to tell you to your face. He hadn’t even left her a letter, or any warning of what to expect, the next time she was called before their father….”

 While it was a good thing for the world that Zuko chose to help Aang, these are all solid points. Zuko did betray his Fire Lord and nation, so from their perspective, he is a traitor (who, in addition to defecting, then took the throne from Ozai’s appointed heir). He didn’t break up with Mai in person. He didn’t think about what Ozai might do to Azula afterwards. Zuko could certainly have handled the latter situations better.

 Vision!Mai devalues Azula’s friendship next, saying that it didn’t compare to his love, and that Zuko was the love of Mai’s life, whereas Azula was a monster. It’s playing right into Azula’s deeply held belief that the reason no one loves and chooses her is because there’s something inherently wrong with her—something that isn’t wrong with Zuko (even though Zuko has fucked up in this story real bad).  

 Azula punches a tree in anger and thinks that the hallucinations have said worse to her than this, which is super sad. What’s even sadder is that Azula thinks the same things about herself, even without them around: “didn’t Azula think that about herself every day?” She needs some real therapy, not whatever she was getting in the asylum.

 Azula is lost by this point, and decides that she needs to find a dry place to sleep and recover, rather than continuing to drain herself by wandering around. Once she gets into the hollow of an old tree trunk, she takes off her socks and boots to avoid trench foot. Good plan! Though couldn’t she also dry out both with her bending? Probably for the best to let her feet air out, though. She then tries to eat, but her food has bog-water in it, and the rice apparently looks like maggots. Gross! She gets sicks, which could be from her morning sickness, from a blood-borne disease from the mosquitos, from the contaminated food, or from a combination of the above. After throwing up a second time—the Fire siblings both have delicate stomachs this chapter!—she decides to stick to drinking water instead.

 Azula is getting chills now, which suggests that she’s genuinely sick. She then sees Vision!Mai again, who gives her a nasty Reason You Suck Speech. She accuses Azula of not knowing what love or trust is—excuse me, Ty Lee is proof that that’s not true!—and then adds, “‘You never respected me, or my boundaries, or anything that was mine.’” I’m trying to remember if there was evidence for this in the show, or if this is Azula trying to come up with reasons for why Mai turned on her, and wondering if it was these things? That Azula feels guilty about this, though, shows that she is capable of seeing what she did wrong and learning from it. She can grow as a person…though she needs to be allowed to do so by the people around her. Ty Lee gave her that chance and now their relationship is much healthier. But it’s hard to grow when the people around you keep punishing you for what you did, and never believe that the growth you’ve made is genuine.

 Mai then asks, “‘Why else would you seduce [Zuko]?’” which Azula denies, saying she didn’t mean for it to go that far. Apparently, Azula hoped that the kiss would distract him, and then she’d be able to chi-block him so he couldn’t move. Unfortunately, he reacted by throwing her into a nightstand, and after she twisted her ankle, there was no running away.

 Mai accuses her of lying—that she did it because she saw Zuko’s weakness and was exploiting it. She asks, “‘How did it feel when he did that to you?’” and Azula doesn’t respond. I think this is where, if she’d felt any pleasure or satisfaction from the sex, it would sneak in and provide an extra layer of shame. That it doesn’t suggests that all Azula felt was violation and pain in the act.

 Mai says that this must be why Azula hates her—not because of the betrayal of their friendship, but because she “played the game better than [Azula]. And [Azula] lost.” If I’m parsing this right, Azula thinks that Mai believes that Azula wanted Zuko, and that because Mai won Zuko, Mai got more political power than Azula, beating Azula at the political game. It’s an ugly take, and while I don’t think Mai’s accusations are fair—because we’ve seen from Azula’s perspective what her motives were—this does show that Azula knows Mai quite well, because the real Mai’s thoughts run along similar lines as the vision’s. Real Mai believes that Azula seduced Zuko to blackmail him and continue playing the political game, when in reality, it was a terrible mistake. Azula might have “started it,” thanks to Ozai’s training, but she never would have considered kissing Zuko if Ozai hadn’t done what he did.

 Azula asserts that she hasn’t lost until she’s dead. I don’t think she means “winning Zuko” when she says this. She then puts out the fire and goes to sleep, dreaming about her father. After Zuko was banished, her training went into high gear, with more lessons on statecraft and the like. She was so busy that she didn’t have time to miss Zuko—which is definitely a lie—and he would have spoiled her happiness anyway by sulking and trying to get their dad’s attention. “It had been a source of amusement one, but they were not children anymore.” Oh honey, you both were children during canon. Maybe Zuko and the water siblings came of age during the show, but that age was still below what we would currently consider the age of majority.

 Azula wondered what Zuko would have thought about the sexual training Ozai inflicted on her. Not that she would ever have told Zuko. We then get a series of thoughts that were almost certainly things Ozai told her: “[Azula and Ozai were] willing to do whatever it took to succeed, to survive. [Zuko] would never realize that people will use anything against you, unless they are too afraid of your doing the same.” This is a paranoid way of looking at the world and the people around you, and also self-defeating. If people are afraid of you, they will turn on you the moment they think they can get away with it (and sometimes even before then—Mai knew that she was throwing her life away when she saved Zuko, but she did it regardless). Love and trust, on the other hand, are what makes people will stick by you, even if you’re a walking disaster.

 “[Zuko] never saw his own peril, until it was too late. Sometimes Azula thought he still didn’t see it.”—Foreshadowing!

 Azula then thinks about the training itself. “Her father said it would hurt the first time”—that’s a myth. If you have a vagina and are aroused and lubricated enough, even the first time shouldn’t hurt. “—but it didn’t only hurt the first time. Sometimes it was hard to know what he wanted, and he was as intolerant of failure in this as in her firebending.” This is awful, but also, Ozai sounds like a terrible sexual partner. You’re supposed to communicate what you want and don’t want during sex. You can’t expect your partner to intuitively know that. They’re not psychic!

 “As he should. It made her strong.” Azula, that training didn’t make you strong. It destroyed your boundaries and your ability to approach sex in a healthy way.

 “It wasn’t always—Sometimes he would stay with her after, and just talk. She liked those times. It made her feel important. It made her feel loved.” She’s shying away from thinking of it as awful, even though she clearly felt that it was. The implication is also that she didn’t feel important or loved during their other interactions. Ozai, you are a TERRIBLE parent!

 Which I think some part of Azula knows, because when she starts to feel the vines from the swamp wrapping around her, she imagines her dad molesting her. Still half-asleep, she lashes out with fire knives to free herself from the vines and runs out of her shelter. It’s daytime—Azula missed rising with the sun—and Azula is sicker now than she was the night before: “Her head pounded, her heart hammered, her joints ached like she took a beating. Her skin burned so hot that steam rose from her body when she hit the water.” This could suggest that she was beaten by Ozai at some point, but then again, all of these characters have been in combat, so that might be what this comparison is referring to.

 The plants keep trying to grab her, which I think indicates that the waterbenders in the swamp are trying to catch her. I seem to remember them being the ones in control of the vines, rather than the vines themselves being predatory. Azula manages to escape, but is winded from it, which means that she won’t be able to bend. She’s also dizzy, nauseous, and shivering uncontrollably. Plus, it’s actually evening now, so she slept through most of the day. Azula realizes that she has no idea where her old shelter is, so her supplies are lost to her. She’s experienced abdominal cramps, too, and wonders if she’s miscarrying.

 “This was what you wanted, she reminded herself pointlessly, though she knew very well what her mother would say. That she deserved this, for wishing her baby dead. Her tears fell on the water when Azula bent forward to hug herself, head bowed as if she could hold the pain inside anymore—” This might be the first time that Azula thinks of the fetus as her baby, which indicates that she might not want to lose it as much as she thinks she does.

 She then hallucinates child!Zuko, which is heartbreaking. He tells her not to cry, “his round face scrunched in the look of unstudied concern their mother loved so well, and which Azula could never recall him directing at her.” Ouch! The dysfunction in their relationship went back really far, didn’t it?

 “Didn’t he know the world would beat him down over and over again so long as he kept that way? That not just Father and Azula, but every person with an ounce of cunning would take advantage of him when he wore his heart on his sleeve like that? She told him so many times, but he never listened until it was too late.” So she acknowledges that she and Ozai took advantage of his naivety. She certainly did when she tried to trick Zuko into coming home early in season two. But also, Azula has a point. There are people in the world who take advantage of emotionally open and giving people. I don’t think that the solution to this is to harden your heart, though. Instead, you need to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. Zuko did that with the Gaang, which is part of why he succeeded and Azula failed. I’ll also note that Zuko would have done better with Azula as his ally, since she would have been more discerning about who was allowed in his court, and could have told Zuko about their ulterior motives and told him the unpleasant truths he wouldn’t want to hear. As it is, Mai has taken on that role.

 “Yet in the end, he prevailed. The world bent to him. He got to be himself without condition, but not her. Never her. She didn’t understand….” Zuko allied himself with what wound up being the winning side, due to Aang defeating Ozai. If Aang had fallen, Zuko’s fate would have been much grimmer.

 Zuko made a better choice than Azula did, but it’s important to note that he knew he had a choice. I don’t think Azula realized that leaving was an option for her. Why would she, when she believed that her nation was the best in the world, that their cause was right, and that if she stayed loyal, she would be the ruler of it all in the end? She would have lost everything if she’d left, and gained…what? The Gaang, Iroh, and Zuko hated her, so she couldn’t go to them. Mai and Ty Lee hadn’t defected yet, so she would have been abandoning them. And while she would have escaped Ozai’s abuse, she also saw Ozai as the only person who valued her and loved her for who she was. Even if being around him hurt, it was better than being alone.

 No one except Ozai, at any point, held out their hand to Azula and asked her to join them. So while she is responsible for her own choices, how much can we blame her for what she chose, when none of her alternatives seemed viable?

 Child!Zuko says that they are playing a game of hide-and-seek, which is true in the grand scheme of this story. He claims that he’ll always find her, which Azula says she no longer wants. He’s disappointed, but insists that it’s getting dark out, so he’ll help her find her way. He then lights the tiniest flame in his hand. “Azula’s stomach clenched painfully at the sight, plucked out from her earliest memories and brought freshly to life. How desperately she wanted to bend when Zuko made his first flame, and she saw how their parents explained over him….” This suggests that neither of Azula’s parents paid much attention to her before she first firebent. No wonder she came to believe that their love was conditional, and that she had to excel at what she did to earn it.

 Child!Zuko, seeing her sadness, assures her that she’ll learn how to firebend when she gets older. I think it was mentioned already that she learned when she was three, which is mind-boggling to think about, since she would have been a toddler. He adds that she’ll pick it up in no time, since she’s “smart for a girl.” Ah, that sexism. He could have left it at “you’re smart,” but he had to add that qualifier. While the Fire Nation is less overtly sexist than the EK and the NWT, it’s clear that sexism is still a problem there. That baby Zuko is saying things like this is symptomatic of that.

 “Half of what he said might be condescending bullshit, but this was still more supportive than Azula could ever remember him being.” This is very sad, since it means that Zuko started treating her as an adversary very early on in their childhood, once she proved better at something than him. He was jealous of her for earning their father’s interest, for all the good that did her. He was “resentful” when she survived her fall at the Western Air Temple, which is so ugly. He should have been relieved. She thinks of other moments where his hatred for her was apparent, like during the Agni Kai, at the asylum, aaaaand….

 “The night he raped her.” And there it is. She can’t bring herself to see what Ozai did to her as rape, but she views what Zuko did as such.

 “And she couldn’t reconcile it. How the little boy who stood before her could do—” This is a fascinating parallel to Mai’s thoughts about Zuko earlier in the chapter. Neither of them can understand how he did this. I’m reminded of how shocking it is to find out that someone that you know and care about sexually assaulted someone. What do you do afterwards? The safest option is to cut ties with them, but that doesn’t address the difficulty in doing so when they’re your family, or the grief of doing so when you’ve loved them for so long, only to find out that they weren’t who you thought they were.

 Azula starts to ask him why he did what he did, but I think she knows the answer to that—because Zuko hated her and wanted to punish her that night. So instead, Azula asks where this good, caring version of her brother was when she wanted him—which, in the context of this fic, was from the time she was a toddler until now.

 “‘Dad killed me,’ the hallucination said forlornly. ‘And you laughed.’” Ozai destroyed Zuko’s innocence just as much as he destroyed Azula’s.

 I thought this was a reference to Zuko and Ozai’s Agni Kai, but this seems to actually be referring to when Azulon told Ozai to kill Zuko, and Azula’s teasing about it: “Her chest clutched painfully when she remembered that night, the night her mother left. And Azula thought it was cruelly appropriate that it was not Ursa here with her, at the end.” Ouch!

 “She whispered, ‘I didn’t mean it.’”—I believe her, but unfortunately, the real Zuko never realized that.

 The vision version of him does, though. “Azula felt his presence as clearly as if he sat on the edge of her bed, when she pulled the covers over her head.” At some point, Azula was just a little girl who hid under the covers. “‘I know,’ she dimly heard him speak. And the last thing she felt was him hugging her shoulders, his head laid against hers.” This is heartbreaking. It’s an exchange they should have had in reality years ago, but one that they might never be able to have, now they’ve hurt each other so badly. This is one of the scenes that sticks with me the most, because of how tragic it is and how poignant the imagery is: of the tiny, kind version of Zuko hugging the adult version of his sister, who is being eaten away by sickness, grief, and remorse.

 And on that tearjerking note, we have reached the end of chapter fifteen. As always, thank you for the read, Aurelia. Thank you also to the folks on FFN and Tumblr who have been encouraging me to work on these reviews. Your support has been keeping me going!

 Until next time,

WiseAbsol

[dindjarindiaries]

Addressing Accusations

A few days ago, many of you saw that I was receiving some anons who were accusing me of various items and showcasing their dislike for me. It’s been two months since these events initially occurred on Twitter, driving me from the platform permanently (except for a brief return a few days ago to touch up the account and hopefully to turn on notifications for new Mandalorian news.)  After much reflection, I’d like to address what’s been said about me and explain my side of the story.

(DISCLAIMER: I have not gone and looked at the tweets myself, for the sake of my mental health. This is going off of what they have told me directly or what others have told me they’ve seen. Also, no excuses are trying to be made—I’m simply trying to provide my truths and tell you the things you may not have been told before. I take accountability for every time I’ve made a mistake and I will not deny it.)

THE ACCUSATION: Being racist for using BLM to avoid addressing what was being said about me online.

THE TRUTH: I had been boosting BLM petitions, donations, news, etc. for many days before any of this occurred—and avoided what was being said for my mental health, to focus on what I thought was more important (BLM), and because my choice of action at the time was to “turn the other cheek.”

It makes me very upset to have to say anything of the sorts that might make me appear as saying “look, I did do something!” for BLM because that’s just the right thing to do. I tried to signal boost as much as I could, whatever I was seeing on my timeline. The evidence of this is still on my Twitter account (previously dindjarjn, now themollylorian) where you can see that I was retweeting resources and making some of my own tweets to signal boost BLM. Additionally, I did the same on here (and will always continue to).

THE ACCUSATION: Fetishizing and sexualizing Latinx men.

THE TRUTH: While back in April, I did make a mistake by creating a BuzzFeed quiz where an answer related to Narcos said the person who got that answer “probably only watched ~those~ scenes” in reference to P*dro’s character (a mistake which I took accountability for, fixed as quickly as possible, and apologized publicly on multiple occasions for), I myself have never watched those scenes, never said/done anything explicitly sexual about P*dro or other Latinx men beyond the casual notes of admiration, nor had a fetish for Latinx men.

I’ve been in many fandoms where I have found many different races/ethnicities of characters and people attractive. This continues into my real life, where I’ve actively pursued relationships with/had crushes on men who’ve been white, Asian, and Black. I’ve never been one to be vulgar online and in real life (aside from my character’s dialogue in writing), especially in a sexual sense. I’ve always had a personal belief (meaning, I don’t judge others who are different) in remaining rather traditional in that sense, trying to avoid explicitly sexual things. This is why it made me uncomfortable many times to see instances where fans would zoom in on areas of P*dro’s body, or to see really intense thirst tweets, or why I can’t read/write explicit smut. Thus, I have never been one to have a “fetish” for anything, much less for Latinx men specifically. Again, you can scroll through my Twitter to see evidence of this.

THE ACCUSATION: Being a Tr*mp supporter/Republican.

THE TRUTH: While I initially registered as Republican due to familial pressure (my mother’s side of the family is entirely conservative Republican and very judgmental), I always wanted to register Independent, and finally did so recently—so now, I’m registered Independent, and I have never supported Tr*mp.

My public records were searched up during all this and that’s how this was discovered. It’s since been changed, so if you were to look it up now, you’d see that it’s changed to Independent (finally!). Like I mentioned above, much of my family is Republican, and since I’ve always been a people pleaser I was afraid to deviate from that. But, I gained a spine and was finally able to do so, even though it was hard.

As far as things go with Tr*mp, I have never been an advocate for him in any way, shape, or form. I never followed him on Twitter, nor interacted with what he said, nor joined the mob of those who do support him. I have family that does. I don’t agree with them. And I’ll be completely honest here: when I was 16, my sister was attending college in D.C., and I was forced to go to his inauguration (my parents’ rationality: “we’ll go to the inauguration, no matter who’s elected,” and a reminder that my mother is Republican and very strict) because I couldn’t stay home for that long by myself (we live far away from D.C.). I didn’t openly show support while I was there and I haven’t publicly spread pictures about me going on social media to give the illusion that I do, in any way, support him.

THE ACCUSATION: I tweeted that I wanted to meet P*dro at a protest.

THE TRUTH: I tweeted an admittedly tone-deaf tweet saying I was grateful for P*dro’s participation in a protest (which I promptly deleted), while someone else tweeted something about meeting P*dro at a protest.

I, sadly, cannot provide concrete evidence for this since both tweets have since been deleted, but I’m sure there are others who can attest for me on this account and back up my word. I would never say something as horrid as wanting to utilize a protest to meet a celebrity. My tweet as I said above was tone-deaf nevertheless, but not in the way of the second one. Both were tweeted on the same night, which was cause for some confusion. But, I did not tweet that I wanted to meet P*dro at a protest.

THE ACCUSATION: I was trying to police/be a leader of the P*dro fandom.

THE TRUTH: I was often approached by others in my direct messages for help in getting involved in the fandom as well as help in addressing issues such as sexual tweets made directly at P*dro—and I’m very bad at refusing help.

I, admittedly, am very bad at saying “no.” In many cases, I had people come to me for help when they saw something bad going on in the fandom. I believe it may have been because of the organized donations to a foundation for P*dro’s birthday or because of the letter I wrote where I listed hundreds of names of fans that led them to believe I was “a leader,” but it was never my intention nor my desire (I’m much too busy for that kind of pressure, honestly) to become “a leader” or to “police” content in the fandom. I, evidently, wasn’t perfect myself as no one is, so I wouldn’t have had a right to do any of that, anyway.

CONCLUSION

I believe frustration, anger, and dislike is what caused many things to escalate. I can understand many people who were annoyed by me because when it first happened, I admittedly tweeted a lot about P*dro’s response to a tweet of mine. Annoyingly so. If people don’t like me because of that, I understand. And I can understand why people got even more frustrated when he quoted another tweet of mine on his birthday. I don’t blame anyone for that. But, honestly, that’s when I started noticing more people taking issues with me. Not before—all was well before.

You don’t have to make a reason to not like somebody, to block them, or to just not want to interact with them. It doesn’t give you an excuse to lie about people, harass them on the internet, or talk about them behind their back.

This situation has, admittedly, declined my mental health to an all-time low, giving me anxiety I’ve never quite felt before. I’m not saying that for sympathy, solely to show the effect of harmful words on people—no matter how strong they may seem. I always search for the best in people, so I’ll always believe those who have not liked me are still great people. But, it cannot be denied that no matter what, it’s never worth driving a person to this kind of anxiety with constant harassment. Mistakes should be pointed out with grace so that they can be learned from. Repeated issues should be addressed privately so the person in the wrong can take the time to reflect, research, and learn from them.

I will never hold a grudge. I’ve always been a very forgiving person, sometimes to a fault. But I cannot sit idly and watch this go by. I will not argue, nor bite back at whoever’s said these things. I will simply continue to be open and honest with you all.

[five-miles-over]

‘Aftermath’ Part 6: These Palace Walls (Commodus x OC)

Summary: Caesonia is flooded with paranoia after being surprised with gifts, and struggles with her own haunting past as she gets closer to Commodus. Meanwhile, Commodus’s plans to bring back the games are not well-received by all.

Warning: Angst, mentions of parental abuse, an incest kiss (spoiler: it doesn’t involve Commodus), masturbation, and a sexual fantasy

Word Count: 2,925 

Read Part 1: The Impossible Dream here

Read Part 2: Proud of Your Boy here

Read Part 3: Point of No Return here

Read Part 4: Look Down here

Read Part 5: Beneath a Moonless Sky here

The parchment crinkled in her pale, dry fingertips as Caesonia re-read the poem found among the plate of cosmetics. It was romantic, like the type a lover would address to their beloved, or perhaps it was the type that an artist would write to his muse, usually a maiden of heavenly beauty. 

Her paranoia and fear made her wish to assume the letter was mistakenly given to her. Who would shower such affection upon her anyways? She was just a general’s daughter and, in the eyes of the emperor, she was also the daughter of a traitor. Yet, Caesonia could not hide her blush at the prospect of being wooed so tenderly. After all, she was a maiden of sixteen - if her father were not banished to Antioch, he would be searching for someone for her to marry. Even if he did not give her the love she wished from a father, he would still make sure that her betrothed was someone worthy of being a general’s son-in-law. It was no secret her father loved his reputation more than his own kith and kin.

On the night your soft, finely curved lips met mine,

I witnessed your rosy cheeks bloom from that rose-like face of thine.”

If it were truly addressed to her, then it must have been from the Emperor himself. He was the only person she’d ever kissed; it made logical sense. The question of his motives, however, remained unanswered. Did he wish to make her his concubine? Her servitude in exchange for her father’s life? It was possible that his solitude and recent events have made him crave things he’d never craved so badly before.

Caesonia refused to believe that he was truly as mad as the citizens of Rome made him seem. Having been the first son born in the royal Aurelian family after at least five generations of adopted emperors, it was truly startling to know that Commodus would be the one not receiving the crown. She could only imagine how devastating it would be for the prince himself, being raised in royalty for his whole life all to be suddenly cast aside like a nobody. Wouldn’t any man, given such circumstances, succumb to dark thoughts?

But, despite her sympathy for the Emperor, she knew she had to be careful. If there was anything that her time in the Roman military camps had taught her, it was that she needed to be vigilant at all times. From this sudden doubt occupying her mind, Caesonia found herself pouring small portions of the perfume out of the tiny window, onto the surrounding ivy. She thought that if the perfumes made the plants wilt, then it might be toxic for her. In all honesty, Caesonia didn’t even know why she did such a thing; the suspicion of being poisoned just came automatically to her.

“Lady Caesonia,” a voice called to her. She turned around to find a servant outside her chamber holding another pink dress, folded neatly. Caesonia curtsied before the servant, “Pray tell me what news you have brought for me, my lady.”

The servant tried to remain emotionless, despite being addressed with such a lofty term. “The Emperor has ordered you to share his morning meal with him, Lady Caesonia. And to wear this,” she handed Caesonia the carnation pink stola. “Would you like me to assist you in putting it on, Lady Caesonia?”

“No, thank you,” the young woman replied. “Might I know if Caesar has any particular criteria for my hair or possibly my…face?” The servant recognized Caesonia’s fright, answering calmly that there was no such requirement imposed by the emperor.

Without wasting any more time, Caesonia changed out of the coarse toga and into the stola given to her. Examining her reflection in the mirror, she tied the magenta ribbons of the garment around her shoulders, her bust, and her waist necessary for the outfit to be complete. She was still unsure about leaving her hair loose, but kept it such anyway and placed a few drops of the perfume on her neck.

Caesonia gingerly held the servant’s hand as if the servant were her elder sister and not a maid. Even while growing up, she always held a soft spot for those who did menial work. She could always trust them to be plain and transparent with their words, while the nobility always schemed and deceived.

Her father would have no patience for such thoughts from her, harshly scolding her that this was against the Roman way of thinking. That the perfect Roman admired wealth and power, all while doing everything it took to preserve their status. That she, Caesonia Quintina, ought to be grateful for being born to a powerful general and start behaving like it. Scolding herself for thinking of her father while being led to the emperor, she tried to brush her thoughts aside and look poised.

Commodus was already at the long, wooden table which was laden with cheeses, dates, honey, and freshly baked bread. Under his breath, he sighed in relief that she’d come to him. She was nothing like Lucilla, but his inner demons had convinced him that Caesonia would reject him too. “Ave Caesar*,” Caesonia greeted him, daintily approaching the emperor. When she kissed his ring, he caught a whiff of the perfume she wore. Recognizing it as one of the perfumes he ordered to be brought to her last night, Commodus couldn’t control his smile; it was a signal she liked him too.

At his gesture, she obediently sat near him at the table. Caesonia was hesitant to eat, only allowing herself to start chewing on a piece of bread after the emperor was halfway finished with his breakfast. Too afraid of being impudent, she remained silent, just like her father said women ought to be. Caesonia couldn’t stop thinking about her earlier act driven by fear. She hoped that no one would ever find out about her suspecting the perfumes; she’d be devastated if anyone ever knew. The emperor would be furious with her, and her father would say she was unworthy of being treated properly. If she weren’t in the presence of the most powerful man in Rome, Caesonia would’ve broken down into tears right there while thinking about her father’s criticism.

Meanwhile, invigorated by desire and emboldened by proximity, Commodus leaned in to give her a kiss. On the mouth or on the cheek, he would’ve preferred either but quickly retreated his lips when he saw the look in her eyes. It was a look of fear and of sorrow. Was she afraid of him? Were his actions of last night too rash for her? Or…were his inner demons right in saying that she loathed him? Perhaps she was thinking about ending this meal as quickly as possible in order to escape his presence. That could be the reason why she seemed to eat so little - a general’s daughter would usually be habituated with eating well.

Years ago, the idea of being rejected by someone would’ve made his fists clench and his knuckles turn white, but not anymore. Commodus had seen rejection in its various colors, and had grown used to fighting it. Like a seasoned gladiator, he fought rejection every time and won. When his father rejected him in favor of Maximus, he took the life of the late Caesar and brought the throne into his own hands. When the people of Rome rejected him for Maximus, he killed the blasted Spaniard and won their respect. No one dared to speak against him like Maximus did. When Lucilla rejected him for Maximus and the Senate, he’d risen from the dead and slain their leader Senator Gracchus. Along with her hopes for a Roman republic, he’d banished her from the palace forever. Now that there was no Maximus, his newest round would be easier, and his prize would certainly be worth the efforts.

“I must go now, my lady.” He finally broke the silence when it seemed that she’d finished her plate. Caesonia turned towards him, “To where, your Highness?”

“My duties,” Commodus answered in a tone that reminded her whom she was sitting near and whose hospitality she ought not to insult. “I must see about the armies and the new recruits to the Praetorian Guard. Your father is to be replaced.”

“And moreover,” he continued with a slightly brighter voice. “I am to continue planning the games I originally held to honor my late father. You do enjoy the games?”

“Certainly, Caesar,” Caesonia quickly said, nodding with hope she’d given the right answer. “Good.” The emperor got up from his seat and Caesonia followed, trying not to be rude. As the two of them rose to their feet, their hands innocently brushed against each other, causing her to quietly apologize for the incident.

Another maid came to her side to lead her back to her new chamber as Caesonia watched him leave. “Caesar!” She called out to him, blinking profusely when he turned around. “I-I thank you for inviting me to share your meal with you. It was a kind gesture of you and I-I found your company agreeable,” she remarked, simultaneously internally chastising herself for her choice of words.

“Welcome,” was all Commodus said, nodding his head regally in acknowledgment of her words. He did not want to seem too emotional or show his weakness before her, but on the inside, her gratitude delighted him like a flower delighted a honeybee.

———————————————————————————————————

“Take a good hard look at people’s ruling principle, especially of the wise, what they run away from & what they seek out.”

The Caesar may have been long dead, but his stoic teachings lay in the hearts of many a Roman.  In his villa, the young man flipped the pages of the book on stoicism. He admired the philosopher emperor, and was certain that many of the intellectuals of the city shared his devotion. “Philomenus!” a female voice called sharply.

“I’m coming, sister!” He closed the book he was reading and hid it before anyone else could find it. With the emperor’s new strict laws against treason, everyone had to watch their words. Not even Philomenus Plutarchus, the leader of first cohort of the Roman army, was safe to speak his mind.

When he came into the kitchen, his sister Claudia was cooking while his younger brother and other sister were playing loudly. “Brother, brother!” The little boy ran up to Philomenus, jumping up and down. “Gladiatores violenti**! The games are soon to begin again!” In response, Philomenus merely ruffled his brother’s hair, preferring to turn his attention towards his sister.

Claudia was quick to give him a bowl of porridge and calm their younger siblings. “The emperor is coming to oversee the army,” she reprimanded her older brother. “Do you want to upset his Highness with your tardiness?”

“Claudia,” Philomenus complained through a mouthful of grain. “Don’t ‘Claudia’ me, we both know it’s important.” He pulled his sister close and fed her a spoonful of porridge from his own bowl. “You know, you’ve almost made it feel as if Mama were still here.”

She sighed as he continued to eat, “Mama and Papa would be proud knowing that you still serve Rome loyally. I’m only trying the best I can to keep our house a loving home.”

“You’ve done more than the best, Claudia,” he assured her. “Our brother Julius and little sister Aurelia are thriving as they should be. Mama would be pleased at how well you’re taking care of them.”  To affirm his statement, Philomenus pecked his sister on the lips. It was something they’d been doing with each other as teenagers while assuming the roles of the ‘mother’ and the ‘father’ of the household. At this point, it felt almost mundane.

“It seems the whole town is talking about the new gladiatorial games that the Emperor is planning,” Claudia remarked, changing the subject.

“He cannot keep ruling like this. Games after games; he is draining money from the empire while the plague ravages us and the Germanic barbarians are left unattended.” Philomenus shook his head. “This is nothing like the Rome that Emperor Marcus Aurelius envisioned.”

He continued ranting to his sister, “Commodus is trying to take absolute control of everything. He is dividing and conquering his way to being the sole bearer of power. First Lady Lucilla, Senator Gracchus, General Quintus…sooner or later, he’ll have no one to advise him, no one to keep his powers in check. Claudia, we’ve known about this man on the throne since we were children. His own father had no faith in him!”

“I know,” she answered in a low voice, hoping that he’d do the same. “And I also know Papa and you were of those men who still consider the philosopher to be Rome’s true emperor. We may be of high status, but our situation is dire as is; we must do what it takes to survive.”

“There is a difference between surviving and living, Claudia.”

She fixed the toga he wore, “Philomenus, please. I know that the Spaniard caused a movement when he arrived, but his death has sent a message to those who dare oppose the Emperor.”

“We cannot let fear stray us from supporting the side of truth,” he said fiercely. “Claudia, no tyrant can forever suppress the innate freedom of speech. Those who dare to control others will find themselves under the control of others.”

———————————————————————————————————

Nighttime, as always, found the emperor alone in his study. With the Senators not daring to speak against him, too occupied with the chaos within their own circles, Commodus found his work surprisingly reduced. Yet, an excellent emperor would always be on the lookout for something coming. There was always a period of calm before the storm would inevitably strike the empire. And with Lucilla and her tonics gone, there was no one urging him to go to sleep. For a moment, the thought this prospect made him feel like a little boy allowed to have as many sweets as he liked.

What might it be like to have a wife, he thought, someone who would coax him to join her in bed every night. She would call him with the most charming of words of affection, and her touch…her touch would be more overwhelming than the lightning bolt of Jupiter and the trident of Neptune together.

The mere thought of being touched so sensually awakened the lustful side of Commodus, and he stroked himself through his robes a few times. Reaching through his clothing, Commodus wrapped his fingers around his length and slowly began to pump himself. Closing his eyes, he reveled in a fantasy and let his mind run free. A young lady stood at the entrance of his study with a red-lipped smile and a white nightgown that traced her curves - a sight that would be for his eyes and no one else’s. “Commodus,” she sweetly called to him. Her face became more recognizable to him as she walked closer to his desk.

“Caesonia?” His lip curled upwards at the mere utterance of her name. He sensed her pleasant, familiar perfume as she hugged him from behind and kissed his temple. “What brings you here so late, my love?,” Commodus asked her.

“The children have slept, dearest, but I couldn’t. The bed felt lonely without you.”

Commodus patted his thigh, beckoning for her to sit on his lap. “I shall be with you soon, my love. I promise,” he grinned as she leaned against his shoulder.

“You need your rest, Commodus. Come to bed, my sweet,” she begged him. Her mouth nipped at the nape of his neck, kissing the sensitive skin. “Come to bed, please…”

He sighed at her alluring persuasion. “A good emperor cannot refuse his empress,” he chuckled, placing his quill down. Before she could ask, he snaked his arm around Caesonia’s knees, lifting her and carrying her to their bedroom.

“Commodus!” She chided him playfully, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “Don’t play innocent, you saucy nymph…” The two of them laughed as they fell onto the soft, imperial mattress. He slowly slid her dress down to her ankles, her aphrodisiacal scent filling his lungs and her glistening wetness catching his eye.

Still stroking himself, his thumb began to fondle his tip and the emperor bit his lip to stifle his grunts. He imagined enjoying her beautiful face and body all to himself, and how wonderful it would be to hear the sweet moans falling from her lips when they made love. Throwing his head back and groaning, his pace grew quicker as he fantasized about passionately taking her again and again, watching her come undone at his mercy every time. And when they were finally spent from their amorous deeds, she would whisper sweet nothings into his hair while he kissed the tips of her breasts.

The sticky release in his hand interrupted his fantasy, putting an end to the erotic illusion Commodus had indulged in. A frightful dream, life is, Commodus thought to himself as he wished he didn’t have to return to the real world so soon. He wiped his hand on a piece of parchment - only boys wiped their hands on their clothing, and the parchment didn’t have anything of value on it, anyway.

Taking a deep breath, Commodus continued to busy himself with thoughts about eventually dissolving the Senate of Rome. In his eyes, it was better to stay awake and confront enemies, than to sleep and let himself be tortured by them.

*Ave Caesar = Hail Caesar

** Gladiatores violent = violent gladiators

[exodusmc]

Insider 05

Genre: Power au, war au, rebel au

Words: 1937

Paring: Light manipulator Baekhyun  x  Reader

Side character/s: Exo,

Warning!: Mentions of bombings and loss of life

a/n: Sorry sorry for being bad at updating. I said that I would try but it didnt go so well:( But I hope everyone is having a good day!

Gif is not mine

Previous  Next

“I spy with my eye...a green thing!” You never thought someone could be so annoying but Jongdae proved you wrong. He never stopped talking or grinning, forest eyes gleaming in dawn.”Come on, guess!”

“I will throw you out the window if you don't shut it!” Jina hissed, gaze still where she drove, through the forest on a small road which had been overgrown. Her skin looked tan from the sun even if the rebels spent the majority of their time underground, a tattoo of a tree following her arm. Tattoos were something you had only seen on performers, like the piercing,  because it was illegal to have them in the army..

“Why are you so boring!”Jongdae may have said something leaning towards displeasure but his tone was only teasing, just like his smile.”I’m just trying to have a good time and get to know our Y/n!”

You didn't look away from the window, kept staring at the dull world outside. The world which was slowly getting back together, you had read about it in a highly classified letter, and that was why you suspected that the blue pills were used. If people could easily grow their own crops and get their own fresh water, then the republic would lose both money and power. They were starting to get afraid of their own people, since it was not only people like Baekhyun who had enough but also the poor. Anger fueled everything according to you, both the rebellion and the iron fist of those who were on top of the throne. 

“Well she doesn't seem to want to hear it so shut it!”the car hummed along, undisturbed by anything happening around it, even as the trees lessened and the fields started to appear, grey as the skyline but yellow flowers grew in them, just like hope in broken hearts. 

-

“You seem happy..”Yixing had a warm smile on his face, crutches helping him stand in the training room. 

Baekhyun turned to look at him, cheeks were still thin but color was slowly returning to the doctor’s face. He was happy, simmingly more in peace with light and not scared like he used to be. Chanyeol really helped him get back.

“ I am…”over Baekhyun’s heart was the pin resting, green petals fanning out like a shield for his mind and life force. 

“That’s good..”the doctor glanced to the other side of  the white room, eyes landing on Sehun and Chanyeol.”I just wanted you to know that I may be gone for a little while..”

Baekhyun’s orbs widened, mouth drying up. Was Yixing leaving too? Why were everyone leaving him all of a sudden? The lull of panic snaked under his skin, something he didn't want to feel, something he forced down.

“I will spend some time with Junmyeon and Kyungsoo...we have some things to look up, but don't worry, I won't be far away.” Yixing smiled, breathing out the old air.”It’s important for you to know that Y/n didn't have a choice but to become who she is..and it’s important that you never forget that because we need her if we are ever going to get peace..”

The doctor stared right in his eyes, studied what was behind them. Baekhyun would play a big part in what was to come but so would you and it meant that Chanyeol couldn't go and make him hate you while Yixing was gone. 

-

“This is it! The long journey can begin!” Jongdae sighed dramatically, hand over his heart as the backpack hung over his shoulders. Blonde hair ruffled around, grin plastered across round lips.”We will miss you Jina! Oh, what shall we do without your guidance?!”

Jina rolled her eyes, both you and Minseok got out of the car as well. Around you were natur greyish but no walls could be seen anywhere, everything was just open. No one was around, you were alone but free at the same time.

“I feel sorry for you..”Jina addressed you for the first time, never having said a word to you through the whole trip. Her dark eyes held a softness you guessed she hadn't been able to show before, probably because who she thought you were.”You have to be alone with these two for a long time...Minseok can be annoying too..”

The named man had an offended look on his face, mouth slightly open and gaze moving between himself and Jongdae, like he couldn't believe who he was compared to. You didn't know how to react at the clear teasing between them, the sympathy Jina seemingly showed you,  because in the army there were only orders for you, orders you gave, never the dynamic of humans. 

“We are not annoying!”a gasp left Jongdae, arm falling around your shoulders. It felt weird, foreign to you, so much so your whole body tensed up and he felt it too, concerned filling his eyes for a second. 

Jongdae knew who you were, what you had done, but he had a hard time actually invisoning you like the reaper Chanyeol swore on. You seemed lost and empty, your eyes so hollow he sometimes wondered if you felt anything at all. 

“Whatever...I need to go, good luck.”the engine roared to life, tires screaming as she turned. Jina disappeared again, leaving you three behind, on your way to a place you didn't know. 

“ I promise you Y/n, we will have so much fun!”Minseok rolled his eyes, watching the surroundings. It looked empty but planes could come anytime, cars as well. The army was out there but so was the rebels. A sigh passed his lips, the sun slowly falling down. He had to find a good place to take shelter before the darkness took over the world. 

-

“The northern part of us has been bombed…”Junmyeon leaned forward, pointing at a map before moving the finger towards where their base where, metall gleaming by his collar ”The survivors have been taken to the rock but they are having a difficult time taking care of everyone..”

“Are there many of them?”Kyungsoo asked, black hair falling down his forehead, eyes deep and dark.

“No...around a hundred of three hundred..”Yixing’s heart hurt as Junmyeon spoke, thinking of all the lives which were lost, taken away by hate. It may have been a small hideout but it was still humans who had died.”But I’m sending you guys and some more medical staff there as aide..”

Kyungsoo nodded, glancing towards Yixing. The doctor still had some problems with walking but it seemed like he was doing better, unlike someone. 

“Everyone will get there through the underground tunnels so that’s why I’m sending you with them Kyungsoo..”Junmyeon straightened up, his head full with what to do. If it was worth it going back and searching for more survoiurs or if they had enough supplies to help. 

Ever since you, Baekhyun and Yixing came to the rebels, things had moved quickly. More blue hospitals had been raided and destroyed, but it meant a stronger wave of soldiers from the republic. A whistleblower had sent him a message about an increase of weaponry and orders to shoot anyone in the poorest districts. War was coming closer and closer, but where were they ready? Maybe...unfortunately only as long as you were on their side. You knew the inside so you could destroy it, you were their brightest, deadliest weapon but they lost you. Junmyeon hoped to make you even deadlier by giving you a reason besides an order to fight.

“How..How is he?”Kyungsoo suddenly asked, breaking Junmyeon out from his own mind. A sad smile formed over his lips, reddish brown hair floating before his eyes. 

“He is stable but..they aren't sure which way it leans..”Jongin had been shot right above his heart, shattering an artery and leaving him almost dead but they managed to save him, at least keeping him from dying. Kyungsoo was closest with him and the paleing of tan skin made him stay awake by the white bed for days.”He will make it, you know how stubborn he can be when he knows someone is waiting..”

-

Sweat poured down your forehead, shoulders aching slightly but you didn't let it show, only stared forward as Jongdae whined over something. You had been walking for about six hours, the terrain slowly filling with trees, but the sun was almost down and so was your water. 

“Let me help you..”Minseok took your bottle, hand slowly starting to glow light blue. You watched as your lukewarm water became ice cold. It was his power, ice. A funny feeling stirred in your stomach, a feeling you didn't understand. Why was he helping you? Why was it making you warm?

He didn't say anything when he gave you back the bottle, a ghost of a smile flashing over his lips before he frowned at Jongdae’s whine, he too wanted cold water. 

   Staring at the flames dance over the wood, you still felt that weird feeling even as the sky was painted with millions of stars. It was uncomfortable for you, like giving your enemy as face and a life. 

“Both these bases are still hidden and without suspicion from the republic..”Minseok unfolded a map, finger landing on two spots. You recognised one as the base you were currently heading towards.”So we shouldn't have to fear being seen from people on the ground but the air is a different story..”

Jongdae leaned forward, eyes following the lines, face serious for the first time ever. He looked different when he wasn't goofing around. 

“The way Junmyeon suggested is kinda safe, I mean we will walk through mainly forest..”Minseok hummed in response, studying the marks on the map.

“We are far away from any bigger city but we usually keep away from visiting different bases, especially if we walk on the ground, so the surroundings may have changed…”the fire sparked, gave of some warmth but you were still hot, listening half hearted as they discussed, however, something caught your interest. 

“How do you go to different places then?”both of them looked at you, surprised that you chose to speak. 

“There are people who can manipulate earth and there are tunnels underground, so we use them for ninety percent of our travel…”so that was why it was so hard to find the rebels, they hid and they never had to go out. The republic started to look more in the air over the last years, searching there as if they could find them there.”..but Kyungsoo had something else he was going to do and there aren't so many in our group…”

Jongdae shrugged when he finished answering, falling down on the ground. He was done eating, becoming lost in the wide sky. Minseok had a wary glimt in his eyes, unsure if you could be trusted or if it would be dangerous to talk with you about some things. 

“What is the most common power?”the reports you had read said that it was between water and fire, but you had never cared before.

“Ah...I don't know..It’s not healing and probably not lightning either..”Jongdae grinned at his own power, pride swelling his chest.”..Maybe water?”

“It’s a hard thing to answer because everyone's a little different and we have no clue how many there are out there..”Minseok held your gaze, voice soft as he spoke.”But let’s try to get some sleep now…”.

Tags: @shesdreaminginoverdose​

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XgKp9jj4Is

*sigh* Great, yet ANOTHER ‘Let’s rewrite Adam’ argument made by miss ‘It’s hard to keep track of RWBY characters like Zwei.’

“Degredation of Adam’s character from Blake’s mentor to an abusive ex to a whiny incel who makes insults like it’s his Pokémon name.”

A. “Blake’s mentor” is not a character. It is a description and not even a bare bones one.

B. What is the difference between an abusive ex and an incel exactly? They’re both used to describe despicable people in relation to romance.

C. That is not what incel. You’re using it as a generic insult and thus that last description may as well say ‘Adam bad’ for all the substance it has.

D. Adam always made stupid insults. People laughed at his voice in the Black Trailer and in Volume 3 for fuck’s sake.

And E. What WOULD you make Adam that wouldn’t just make him every generic freedom fighter?

“We’re gonna drop the abusive angel completely and go with Monty’s original plan-”

Done.

You just killed your own video by assuming a dead man’s intention with no fucking reason other than ‘mouthpiece.’

I have no reason to accept anything you say in good faith after this. Before you say that you wanted to change as little as possible then change a massive aspect while using a corpse as a meat shield from criticism.

You are owed nothing from this point on.

‘You don’t doodle your abuser in your notebook-”

Unless, you know, think about them. But hey, why use your brain when you can rely on the inevitable RWBY haters to drown out all criticism?

‘The abuse angle is the worst explored in the show-”

Proof?

No?

Considering your history, I HIGHLY doubt that.

“*Insert Adam into the Volume 2 train fight instead of the WF Lieutennat because he was an out of nowhere threta*”

...

So the Black Trailer and the Volume 2 finale never happened...or you’re an incompetent idiot.

“It gives the scene more weight because we know who Adam is-”

We also know who the WF lieutenant is AND we don’t waste an important character for a worthless fight that amounts to nothing as the train fights ultimately mean NOTHING.

Congrats, you made Adam worse because his first in series fight had him giving a good performance. Here, he can’t even kill Weiss (and in fact, as I am about to explain, he’d get CURB STOMPED by Weiss.)

Just as well, you’ll need to completely change his weakness. Adam is a glass cannon, he can dish out a lot of damage and move quickly but one good hit knocks him down. Makes sense since he’s not exactly big and buff and he can’t fight back when someone isn’t intimidated by him. It also makes him dangerous to Yang as she relies on taking hits at first which she can’t do with Adam because she often flings herself in ways that make dodging impossible. It also makes sense why Blake can fuck him over and why she can get fucked over: she’s also fragile but evasive which connects her with Adam too.

But say he fights, I dunno, someone who can zip around quickly in a manner that he can’t block the attacks and would logically get fucked over quickly by. Like say, a Semblance that zips you from spot to spot like WEISS’. 

Yeah, he’d lose in an instant against Weiss because he’s never seen to be able to block attacks moving that fast and he’d get fucked over quick. So you’d need to up his durability and suddenly he loses a logical weakness that is represented by his personality, connecting him to Blake, basically making him a Yang clone and now you need a NEW weakness. Suddenly a lot of Adam’s interesting elements SHATTER.

This is why Adam rewrites suck. None of you think through your writing. You make the same mistakes that Miles and Kerry made but with less experience, less insight and less care and then pile on EVEN MORE flaws.

Worst of all, the bullshit you give about ‘knowing his threat level’ ignores other factors like appearance, attitude and fighting style. Oh wait, I know why. If we include those, the WF Lieutennat suddenly becomes a clear threat. His appearance is distinctly different from the WF goons, with his tall and thick frame indicating he’s strong and durable while his choice of weapon shows he would have a strong but slow fighting style and his attitude shows that if Weiss loses she could very well die a PAINFUL death by a sadist chainsaw wielding terrorist. (’More tension’ my ass.)

You throw out so much just for ONE point that was accomplished in the original anyway. What the fuck else are you gonna muck up?

“Have adam be there to show Adam working with Torchwick-”

Which Blake would already assume since the WF is working with Torchwick and Adam LEADS the WF. But I guess Blake is too stupid to do basic math.

“Then have Adam let Blake run away-”

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Run to where?! They are in an enclosed space! Adam should be chasing after her! He has every reason to chase after her, both personal and professional!

“Then we can have dialogue that goes something like this in Volume 3: Adam: “I don’t want to have to fight you but I will if I have to. Blake: No no, Humans aren’t bad people! Adam: I have seen what they can do. Your family kept you safe. I wasn’t so lucky-”

Cool, so he’s every generic ‘sympathetic’ freedom fighter now.

Instead of being a deconstruction of the noble wounded freedom fighter, showing how such a person would be impossible for such a situation from the extremity of the harm done to him, the manipulation by his superiors for their own ends and his own faults, he’s just a generic pity bag now.

No wait, a SHITTY generic pity bag now because in the Black Trailer, he explictedly tried to blow up innocent people on a train. Blake even questioned him on it and he said ‘So?’. That isn’t the reaction of some noble but misguided person, that’s the reaction of someone so far off the deep end they’ve lost basic sympathy.

Trying to make him out to be noble here would be like trying to make me believe Raven is this secret loving mother or this protector: their actions in the past CONTRADICT this.

‘But Twiinks never said that-’

Her choice of words did. The words you choose your characters to say speaks about how we are suppose to view them. Adam’s word choice in the original communicates a dangerous sadism and madness built from pain and a lack of emotional maturity. This version communicates a sadness stemming from a supposed kindness that Adam SHOULDN’T have.

‘But it tells us what they’re stances on humans are-’

So did the original while also why we should route for Blake over Adam (i.e. she’s still sane and tries to be kind while Adam has lost it and is being cruel and vindictive.)

We literally lost something here.

“He truly feels like this is the only way to help Fanaus-”

So we're now working off the assumption he cares about the Fanaus and not just himself and his own pain, deconstructing how real life movements become corrupted from their original purpose by focusing on their own personal pain than a universal kindness.

Cool, so Adam isn’t Adam anymore.

“Adam still stabs Sienna but it’s about the orgnazation instead of a lame power grab-”

*rolls eyes*

I really hate these rewrites. Why do you even bother with Adam if you tear out the character and insert someone completely different? 

“Adam is remorseful, Sienna says something like ‘I would rather die than give you the organization’, and Adam apologizes. Perfect scene.”

A cheesy line that rings hollow and more OOC. Wonder-fucking-ful. I also looked ahead and saw that you are changing Adam’s character short to be about getting his scar. (More on that mess when we get to it.) So Adam being used by Sienna to push for her more violent agenda over Ghira’s peaceful one, something used by the show to show we shouldn’t be shitty to each other (AKA A core theme) still exists. Meaning that what should be Sienna paying for her sins by having the very person she used to push her agenda take it to its logical extreme, kill her in turn and destroy her work is just nonsensical pity begging.

I also assume Adam declaring his idea of Fanaus Supremacy and basically quoting Mein Kampf is still in the show since you never address that. Cool, so either I pity a woman who screwed this man’s life or I pity Furry Hitler. *slow claps*

“During the Volume 5 fight, his breaks and we see his scar-”

...

I’m not even surprised by how dumb this shit is. 

Adam’s scarf reveal in Volume 6 was wonderful and one of the best moments in the show. For so long, we saw Adam as someone who was destructive and hateful for no reason and right there, the audience is forced to see that while his actions are inexcusable, his reasons are very human and very real. He’s not a monster, he’s a person whose consumed by pain. At the very end of his life, Adam wasn’t a monster: he was a sorrowful reminder of what pain does to a person.

What does the scar reveal do here? ... Nothing. Seeing his face in full means nothing. Twiinks doesn’t even say anything about it. It’s just there because she wants a look of remorse and thinks that can’t be accomplished with the mask. Even though we could see him cry or have a look of sorrowful anguish. Adam can emote fine without his mask.

I just-I can’t believe this.

”The Adam short is now instead of a bunch of emotionless fight scenes now about how Adam got his scar-”

...

Just more pissing on what makes Adam good. Yeah yeah...

The Adam short is not just a bunch of emotionless fight scenes. The fight scene you show (of Adam protecting Ghira) shows so much. It shows the struggles of the peaceful White Fang, it shows Adam being shocked at killing a human as he hadn’t fallen yet, it shows Sienna using Adam to push her violence without concern for his well being and it shows how he got it into his head killing was fine.

That was ONE scene. ONE. Your scar replacement as a whole would have less impact (as we can tell how got it from context clues) than ONE scene.

Are you guys getting WHY I hate rewrites of RWBY so much?

“Adam finds Oscar-”

If this doesn’t end with “and then he kills Oscar” I don’t care. Even this version of Adam would jump at killing a human and would have no idea Oscar knows Blake.

And it doesn’t. Great. BTW, Oscar wouldn’t know about the plan at this point so him showing up at the CCT tower isn’t explained and this scene is pointless.

“Adam would show up at the CCT tower, killing the CCT guards while ranting about equality and justice. Blake jumps in, leading him away to the waterfall. She says ‘Adam, you’ve gone too far! You’re just as bad as the people who hurt you!’“

Gee, that wasn’t clear when he tried BLOWING UP A TRAIN FULL OF INNOCENT PEOPLE?!

Also, Twiinks tries to push this idea that Blake wants to reconnect with Adam (which makes no sense as she LEFT Adam).

“Now we have the decapitation scene-”

We know she’s not gonna die, the fear came from the destruction of beacon and Yang being injuried. Of course Blake isn’t gonna die here.

“-moved to a thematically appreciate moment in the story-”

Considering you didn’t give two shits about thematic before, why the fuck would I care now?

“-Yang isn’t involved as to not muddy how if it was self defense.-”

So Yang’s arc is just scrapped and instead of having someone around who went through similar shit as Adam with a similar mindset and personality to dislay how wrong he is, we have a far shittier version that doesn’t even serve it’s purpose as protecting friends and family is covered by self defense and the people who bitched now would still bitch because Adam dying is the issue, not self defense.

“We see regret in Adam’s eyes-”

Means nothing because he was just a loon at this point out of nowhere and he’s still a terrible person. See, the thing is you can give a pitiable side to characters like Adam but you have to accept there is still good reason to hate him. Trying to hammer sympathy at us is just gonna make him less sympathetic.

“We shouldn’t be developing the budding relationship-”

It wasn’t.

That wasn’t a fucking romantic scene, it was an emotional breakdown after a stressful 

“By making Adam an understandable character-”

This is perhaps the most insulting part.

Adam IS understandable. Just because you don’t sympathize with him doesn’t mean you can’t see how he became this way. He was enslaved at a young age, branded in a way that robbed him of so much, he tried to make things better but because of forces outside of his control and his own issues, he lost his way and became what made him: someone cruel and uncaring of others. And yet, even as he does terrible things, we can still see that even he is a victim of the world, lamenting his fall and who he could have been.

That is something that fits the tone of RWBY so much better than a generic freedom fighter turned crazy person. Not to mention all the brilliant details you scrapped for shallow and boring details that any run of the mill show could do.

You improved NOTHING here. You just turned Adam from an interesting deconstruction and a cautionary tale of what we can become to every revolutionary in western media which, considering America’s origins, are a dime a dozen.

I’ll say it again: This is why I hate rewrites. You didn’t put nearly as much thought and effort into the show as the creators did and yet you stand on their work, rot it from the inside and try pedaling a worse version because it fits some people’s delusions.

Every time I look into you Twiinks, you become worse. How far will YOU fall?

[bothsandneithers]

Day 3327

I need to hurry up and write this, because I am forgetting how miserable I was. This is not part of an effort to ensure that I don't repeat this process over again (perhaps as some may be tempted to do after childbirth). Instead, this exercise is consistent with my tendency to ask my friends to describe the most uncomfortable and unfortunate parts of their vacations. Who wants to hear a story that could more succinctly be conveyed within the narrow pages of a travel brochure? To adapt this question to the present situation: Who wants to hear a series of events that could be more adequately summarized by a few pages in a student handbook?

I’m sure that someone could have a field day by drawing parallels between giving birth to a child and writing a dissertation. While this is not my story to tell, I have described my experience by drawing upon the image of a mother who harnesses supernatural strength to lift a car off of her child. The listener is then immediately confused, and I then have to clarify that, in this metaphor, I am both the mother and the child, and that the dangerous, debilitating, threat of the car, is my dissertation.

It may be more effective if I am more direct: I want everyone to know that I (as the small child) was quite miserable, and I (as the mother) accomplished something that I thought was more than I could handle.

I imagine that if a car did end up on a small child, then the entire situation would invoke so much stress on the mother that she may not ever be able to recount exactly what happened during those subsequent moments. In a different way, of course, and for reasons I am still trying to understand, I too remember very little from the summer and early fall leading up to my defense.

In the place of memories, I find myself relying on artifacts to represent months and events that I cannot recall. One such set of artifacts are the six or so issues of The Atlantic magazine that have been set aside into a small pile; each one received a small verbal promise that I would open the pages after my defense. Now, as I review the covers, I imagine that they may never be read. Below are some of the stress-inducing cover stories of these abandoned issues:

How to destroy a government: The president is winning his war on American institutions.

How QAnon is warping reality and discrediting science.

The election that could break American.

How did it come to this? Why the virus won.

In the early days of lockdown, when the virus was beginning to take hold of its victory, I read this explanation for why most of us are not thriving right now: In order to flourish, one must be able to play several different human roles over the course of the day -- something that is arguably impossible when we rarely leave our dwellings.1

After reading this explanation, I starting clinging to the argument that the overwhelming reason why completing my dissertation had become so difficult was because of an absence of variability in my human roles. Even though none of my other typically played human roles were terribly interesting (commuter, friend, peer, coffee shop customer, gym patron), each one offered me respite from the singular human role that I was stuck with: The neurotic graduate student.

The neurotic graduate student human role was difficult to be around, because she was always worried about so many things: that her arguments weren't good enough, that there were errors in her code, that she should be able to understand certain concepts that were still evading her, that more time-intensive analyses were still required, and that overturning new stones would reveal that previous analyses or assumptions were wrong or incomplete. More simply, the neurotic graduate student human role was always worried that she was not good enough.

This persona can be debilitating, and I found that the act of writing a dissertation included a lot of time not actually writing, but rather, a substantial amount of time was devoted to sitting in paralyzing anxiety, not able to do anything.

Even though many of the weeks leading up to my due date were a blur, I do recall choosing this time to watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Perhaps I did this because misery loves company. I decided to view this odd movie choice in a particular odd format, whereby I watched the movie in 15 minute intervals, across several nights, as if savoring a segmented Toblerone.

I watched the first few segments in stoic sympathy with the characters, but I eventually found myself amused when Jack Nicholson realizes that almost all the residents are “voluntary”:

You can go home any time you want? You're bullshittin' me. He's bullshittin' me right? Cheswick, you're voluntary? Scanlon? Billy, for chrissakes you must be committed, right? I mean, you're just a young kid, what're you doin' here? … I mean, you guys do nothing but complain about how you can't stand it in this place here and then you haven't got the guts just to walk out?

I remember smiling for a few moments at this scene; it was a gentle reminder that I invited this stress into my life, and that I could, indeed, bring it all to an end if I really wanted to. The smile was fleeting, and felt similar to when you are crying, and your friend says something that is true and funny to try and make you feel better, and you laugh and it feels really good but it also reminds you of how bad you feel, and how far away you are from feeling like yourself.

Yet again, someone else might have a field day drawing parallels between today’s academic environment and a fictional mental institution from the 1970s. I can't do this, in part because, aside from that one scene, I don’t actually remember what happens in the movie.

I did, however, voluntarily lock myself in a hotel room to write, because the suffocating familiarity of my home was preventing me from generating any new sentences. A sticker had been placed between the room's door and its frame, denoting that the room had been thoroughly cleaned. Surely this was only intended to be a symbolic seal to provide some peace of mind that it was safe and acceptable to be outside of one's house.

Once inside the room (that seemed no cleaner than in the absence of a pandemic), I did not immediately initalize my plan to write incessantly. Instead, I desultorily found myself on a support group on reddit that was dedicated to "PhD stress." Feeling compelled to write anything that was not my dissertation, I made a post targeted at those who were also writing their dissertations during a pandemic:

What you are doing right now is really, really hard.

Under "normal" conditions, you would be facing a sheer amount of uncertainty with your work (e.g., not knowing how analyses will turn out, not knowing what your advisor will think of your progress, etc). Under these new conditions, you are dealing with the uncertainty of the state of the world (pandemic), the government (upcoming election -- if in the US), as well as your dissertation! These are absurd conditions, whereby any one of these things would undoubtedly have negative impacts on your well being.

For many, you went from having an entire support group of peers, to sitting in your bedroom, day in and day out, trying to come up with novel ideas and effective ways to communicate these ideas.

As such, I urge you to take care of yourself. I urge you to give yourself permission to ignore unwanted criticism that, while in other circumstances you may work hard to address. Now, in this current context, just don't. Give yourself permission to stop perpetuating the idea that your work and your psyche should not be impacted by the fact that nothing is the same right now.

Defend your ideas, yes. And do good work (-- nah, do good enough work). But know that you are defending your work under surreal circumstances. Account for this when you wake up tomorrow, move four feet from your bed to your desk, and try to do the same thing over again.

Overnight, this became the most popular post in the subreddit’s history. Admittedly, there aren’t a lot of members in this particular community (it should also be noted that this post was recently surpassed in popularity by a post entitled, “PhD has destroyed my mental health”). Still, several users responded with something along the lines of, “Thank you. I needed to hear this.”

I needed to hear those words too -- that is one reason why I wrote them. But I was also desperate to play another human role; one who ambiguously could have already made it to the other side of the dissertation defense, and was able to offer encouragement to those close to the finish line.

Soon after my hotel stay, where I eventually did find motivation to write, I was set to defend my dissertation. This was met with the opportunity to transform into another human role: someone who was nearing the end of her graduate student career, and had no choice but believe that her work was good enough.

The dissertation defense took place via video conferencing. I sat at my desk in my make-shift office in my bedroom.

Five kind and smart professors asked me kind questions that made me feel smart.

And that was it.

After the defense, the stress began to fade away. I recalled the wise words that my therapist once said, “It’s remarkable how, after the defense, people just won’t need anything from you anymore.” I made edits to my dissertation and submitted my final version. I dismantled my “home office” and replaced it with a reading chair and a plant. A new issue of The Atlantic arrived in the mail, and now with time, cognitive space, and optimism that this issue would not be as depressing as the others, I started to read.

I opened to an article about a historian who predicts that the United States is about to experience a terrible decade. He blames this on the overproduction of elites. ("There are still only 100 Senate seats, but more people than ever have enough money or degrees to think they should be running the country.") These elites find alternative ways to disrupt the status quo to influence people; the elite overproduction "creates counter-elites, and counter-elites look for allies among the commoners.”2

Although the article was compelling, it did not feel like appropriate material, as one does not work tirelessly through graduate school to then be compared to Steve Bannon.

I continued to the next article which was about young adults (or old children) who post things to a social media platform I’ve never used (TikTok). Not only do they create short videos that are viewed by millions of viewers, but there is an entire industry of these individuals, and they curate their content together in the mansions that they cohabitate (I am yet to grasp the monetization of this endeavor).3

I settled into my chair. Finding myself enjoying my new human role as a casual observer to an unknown world, I thought: What an absolutely absurd life pursuit.

xx,

Amy, PhD

https://nplusonemag.com/issue-37/the-intellectual-situation/epilogue-for-a-way-of-life/ ↩︎

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/12/can-history-predict-future/616993/ ↩︎

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/12/charli-damelio-tiktok-teens/616929/ ↩︎

[theunderdogwrites]

Green Lives Matter

My favorite Halloween costume from my childhood (age 10) was The Hulk.

For three reasons:

1.       I made it myself

2.       I wore it two years in a row

3.       It made my outside look how I felt on the inside – tough but complicated

I cut up an old pair of jeans to look as though my tiny legs had busted through the seams and to make it appear like I’d grown taller. I took an old white dress shirt and shredded the sleeves to symbolize my biceps exploding in rage and slightly shredded away the length. I put black (safe) spray paint in my hair and painted my legs, arms and face in Hulk green to complete the look. There is a photo of this masterpiece somewhere in an old album, I just don’t have access to it right at this moment. I know I looked magnificent because I remember the feeling of hiding behind this larger than life character for a night while grunting for candy or else “HULK SMASH!” your front door down. I love this memory.

Now let’s address this – I did green face.

I refuse to apologize and if The Hulk wants to come find me and break me like a hard pretzel, well then he better bring backup because even though I am no longer painting my face green… I have turned myself into a Hulk. Ok, a mini Hulk. But I can conjure up a temper and throw a tantrum while also being completely unreasonable and void of real direction. So... yeah, he’s going to need someone other than Black Widow to come with him.

I should mention that I am white. And not just white – I am Scottish white (Scottish heritage, born in Canada). Fair skinned, blonde hair, green eyes and I once thought mashed potatoes were the best food of all time. Until I discovered garlic mashed potatoes. Mind blown.

“I love humanity, but I hate humans.” – Albert Einstein

Let’s not lie – being white has its privileges. Do I know what all those privileges are? No, probably because I’m privileged in some way. But I find myself going back to the same bit to explain so much that I encounter in life:

Until my high school guidance councillor explained to me what suicide was, I had no idea it was a thing. I had no idea it was a possibility and I certainly did not know that many people were actively participating.

My lack of knowledge wasn’t due to privilege but rather because suicide had never been apart of my life experience. Would we call that ignorance? Some definitely would because it literally means ‘being unaware’. I feel an ignorant person is not only being unaware, but also a first-rate wanker because they won’t educate themselves or evolve and wish to remain blind to reality.

Once I became aware of suicide, I didn’t pretend it didn’t exist. I started to pay attention. I didn’t brush it off as an experience that didn’t affect me but rather a symptom of fragile mental health and I gave it the consideration it deserved as something that many people were suffering through… most of the time alone. If I see something that is wrong, that I know needs my support – I am there.

That is not my privilege speaking, that is my humanity.  

 The senseless murder of George Floyd ignited a firestorm.

(A firestorm is a conflagration (an extensive fire which destroys a great deal of land or property) which attains such intensity that it creates and sustains its own wind system. It is most commonly a natural phenomenon, created during some of the largest bushfires and wildfires.)

When I saw the footage on the news – I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand the blank, almost twisted look on that officer’s face as he drove his knee down on George Floyd’s neck. I didn’t understand the blatant inaction of the other officers while witnessing this brutal extinguishing of a human being. I didn’t understand why this level of aggression was necessary on someone who was already subdued. And I didn’t understand why the words “I can’t breathe” didn’t invoke an ounce of compassion or relief.

Then came the protesting. Then the riots. Then the looting. And I still didn’t understand.

While some people want to group all three of these events, in my mind, these are three separate actions. Because by attaching the riots and the looting with the genuineness of the protesting…  it lessons the cause, blurs the intention and distracts from the truth… therefore painting the protestors with a brush of violence, greed and chaos. And that is beyond unfair.

The PROTESTS are NOT out of control.

The pain and frustration are what’s out of control and more importantly the injustice is out of control and people are responding to a situation where they feel angry and powerless. Yes, the fires, destruction of property and looting are awful collateral here but it’s important to not loose focus on what caused this current situation. We often look at with contempt and criticize reactions while forgetting the action that started everything.

And that is another injustice.

I wouldn’t even know how to begin writing about Black Lives Matter or Antifa. I say this because of the controversy surrounding both movements. And if you dive deep enough into the internet, like I did, you too will begin to suffer from what I like to call ‘I don’t know what to fucking think anymore-itis’.

So, I’m going to escape talking about these two groups with this:

“Instead of feeling threatened by and hating a movement, be glad you don’t need a movement.”

 My experience with black people is pretty limited. Not by choice, but rather due to geography, common interests and quite possibly socioeconomics. I can count on one hand the number of black people I knew throughout my school-aged years. My area was diverse in other ways, so no, I did not grow up in White Breadville. I mention all this to lay down a bit of background before I continue.

“I don’t see colour.” How many of us have said this at least once in the last six months? I have. And I probably said it to prove to myself or someone else that I wasn’t racist. But I no longer say that… because the truth is, I do see colour. I see ALL the fucking colours and they are beautiful. It’s people who are ugly.

If you were to ask me point blank if I was racist, I’d tell you point blank – I am not. And I’d say this with absolute belief in my character and sincerity. I care less about your skin colour and nationality and more about you returning your shopping cart to its proper location. That is the truth. Your religion doesn’t bother me at all (as long as you’re not cramming it down my throat) but your ability to treat others with genuine kindness and compassion sure matters to me. And I don’t give a flying fuck how you want to identify… be a Martian, I’m totally cool with that, but bully others in my presence and I will come at you with the full force of nuclear pasta (look it up).

The last handful of months (I’m assuming here) has caused most of us to pull up and examine those deep in the corner of our brain concepts. You know the ones – the ones that might get you questioned by The Thought Police if they existed outside of fiction. It’s ok, we all have those little bastard notions creeping around… no matter the skin colour. I started to take a closer look at some of the things I think and how they would affect others if I wore those thoughts on a t-shirt. Needless to say, I’m not super impressed with myself. Because while I know with all my heart that I am not a racist person, I do recognize that I buy into and perpetuate some stereotypes. And I have zero excuses. This admission makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I’m ok with that… I can learn through discomfort.

I hear many people talking about and referring to white guilt.

-          White Guilt: ‘the feelings of shame and remorse some white people experience when they recognize the legacy of racism and racial injustice and perceive the ways they have benefited from it’.

I do not feel shame and remorse as a white person. As a human being, I am ashamed of how many of my fellow humans treat those who do not look the way they do or do not come from the same background. Do I believe there is a legacy of racism and racial injustice? Yes, 100%. Have I benefitted from this because I am white? I may be too dumb to answer this correctly. Or maybe too white? Or maybe I’ve had blinders on because based upon my own level of perception, I’ve always struggled to navigate my own existence therefore only know what has directly prevented me from being who and what I want in this world?

I underlined ‘level of perception’ because as the quote goes: “I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand things from their level of perception”

Earlier I said there were so many things I didn’t understand about George Floyd’s death and the protests etc. but here is something I do comprehend - there’s a big difference between understanding someone’s plight and being understanding of someone’s plight. Sympathy doesn’t require a total understanding of what problems other people are experiencing.

I may not fully grasp the struggles of those in the black community because it is not my experience but I will not ignore, deny or challenge their struggles. I will however educate myself on the issues, observe my own reactions and offer support in the ways I can and offer compassion to anyone who is willing to accept a little love from a min Hulk.

Nothing I write here is meant to change your mind. It is not meant to offend or shame you for how you may feel or think and nothing I write here is meant to lessen the seriousness of the current situation facing an entire community of people. As a writer my only goal is often to just disrupt your thoughts. Period.

[firebirdsdaughter]

Ngl lie, but it really rubs me the wrong way when people say that Horobi is a killer because he may or may not have a hand in Izu's death. Meanwhile, Aruto killed Jin twice and everybody still calls him a soft boy who can't do anything wrong. We get it show, humans are good and can do no bad and even when they do it's okay they'll get forgiven eventually because they were jealous or had a bad childhood or whatever. Just look at Gai and tell me this show isn't one big hypocrite mess.

I’m pretty sure those people see it as being Jin’s ‘fault’ both times, tbh.

Even though Aruto knew Izu was fine, had the fire power advantage, and had just established Jin didn’t know what was going on. But no, obviously, he had no other options./s

This, like… It’s not tragic to me, bc Izu could easily have gotten out of the way. We’ve seen her zip around faster than a car, cause sparks to appear when she slides. It doesn’t feel sad it just feels stupid. Why would she just stand there and let herself be shot? She could have moved even after he let go of the trigger. She wasn’t scared or anything like she’s been a few times before. That was clearly a conscious, deliberate choice. And I’m supposed to feel like it’s all Horobi’s fault? That’s why I feel like we do have to equate Jin’s death, bc him taking a hit for Horobi is essentially the same as Izu standing still and deliberately being hit. And then there’s the fact that Fuwa and Yua (I absolutely adore Fuwa, but he fucked up) absolutely escalated the situation when it should have made more sense for Yua at least to listen to Izu.

And Amatsu… You know, I haven’t seen him recently. He seems to have completely vanished from the series after… What was it, some episode in the thirties. Really quite odd.

But seriously, to me, they literally switched the 'cores’ of Horobi and Gai’s plots? Not that I want Horobi behaving like how this impost Amatsu is now, but, like… Horobi should be the one getting the sympathy for having the tragic past, should be the one whose working on something to stop Gai¡Ark instead of… This…

I’m sorry, I’m really worn out this week and I’m not sure if I’m articulating correctly, but yes, it is very frustrating how Horobi is being called a monster bc of a thing that could have been easily prevented (esp by the target herself), while, you know, Gai caused all of this and literally was knowingly responsible for Daybreak, has caused numerous deaths, tried to cause more, tried to kill people, all knowingly and deliberately, while Horobi was literally mind controlled and mind raped for twelve years. If you presented their basic plots to someone w/ no other context, I feel like they’d assume that Horobi would get the dramatic ‘reaching out’ and redemption arc, while Gai would be the one… Doing… Whatever this is supposed to be. Horobi is literally mentally and emotionally unstable right now, he’s been under intense mind control and had his emotions forcibly repressed his whole life, he literally doesn’t know how to handle them at all. It’s hard to see how him having a breakdown and lashing out and Izu grabbing the idiot ball and not moving, and then his mental state still not being addressed, being ‘worse’ than Gai knowingly doing all that shit? Like, I understand Aruto being in universe upset about Izu (though again, going Ark is just… Weird), but the attitude of the writing, in a way, and the reaction, at least amongst a number of the Western fandom… Sorry, but just bc HumaGear look human does not mean their minds work the same way. I’ve rambled about it before, but it’s literally the whole ‘don’t just suddenly approach a wounded animal’ thing. Like, Aruto going irrational after the incident makes some sense, but really there were a plethora of things other people could have done leading up to it that would have easily prevented the situation.

Just… Really sends an interesting message when you’ve got the guy literally responsible for everything getting away scot free and treated like one of the gang while one of his victims is painted as the ‘irredeemable bad guy’ for not being able to deal w/ the hell he was put through and lashing out bc of it. Like… In a way, Horobi’s behaviour is relatively/kinda realistic for someone (esp an AI)b that went through what he went through… But the reaction to it and the tone of the writing is very… Not Great. Like, I really think they should have made Aruto’s reaction much more unreasonable? Like, really leaned on him just assuming Horobi did it/maybe on him looking for an excuse bc Horobi continued defying his ideal of HumaGear as perfect angels who are blindly adoring of humans. Horobi def strikes me as the type who wouldn’t bother trying to defend himself bc he’d believe that a human would assume the worst about him no matter what, or that Aruto immediately assuming that he did it shatters any thought he might have had bc he figures Aruto was already set to assume the worst about him. Or something. This still feels like they’re trying to give the human an ‘out’ make him ‘not so bad.’ But Horobi didn’t go gunning for Izu or anything, in fact he tried to get away from her, and she kept pursuing him. He also didn’t fire on her right away until she kept pressing him. He didn’t plot to kill Izu, he didn’t stand there and be like ‘I’m gonna kill her to hurt Hiden’ or whatever, he was panicked and upset and terrified and he snapped. And she just stood there.

Anyone remember that time Yua almost killed Izu? Like. Deliberately, they were deliberately targeting Izu. Izu didn’t go seek them out, this was a deliberate act. And Izu was clearly frightened and confused and upset. Like she tried to run away. And honestly there her forgetting her speed makes some sense bc she didn’t want to leave Aruto and she was scared, yaddyada. But. Like. Yua was gonna do it. The only reason it didn’t happen was Gai said the wrong thing and Fuwa snapped out of it. But Yua was going to kill Izu. And she was going to do it bc she wasn’t in a great mental place and was in denial about her situation.

… Hey… Wait… Sounds a little familiar.

But here’s another thing. A human should be able to know better. Horobi literally can’t. The Ark has been his life for twelve years, her cruelty and her hatred. She trained him to respond w/ extremes and violence. Horobi literally cannot have the emotional reasoning and control of a human adult, he only just got them, and he’s been trained to reject them his whole life.

I’d love to think we’ll get something next week where someone points out to Aruto or just to people in general just what kind of state Horobi is in, but I doubt it. The intention seems to be to make him out as responsible for everything.

Meanwhile I now have the headache of the century (not bc of this Ask, I think it’s delayed from work), so I will leave this here.

[dragon-kazansky]

The hypnotist - Jervis Tetch x reader

Summary: Captain Barnes is slipping up and Mario has been infected. Seems as if Jervis has been playing the long game. Jervis finally gets to speak his mind to Jim about the hypnotism accusation.

This chapter is Jim’s point of view. The whole scene with Barnes is important for his talk with Jervis, so I couldn’t really see a way around it. It’s also a little all over the place. This is all just too important to leave out.

Chapter 6 - The Tetch Virus

Change was in the air for Gotham. Something was brewing and Captain Barnes was finding all the more difficult to restrain himself. He had been particularly riled up after his visit with Jervis several days ago.

A need to punish the guilty was strong in him.

Nathaniel Barnes was acting as judge, jury and executioner of Gotham’s criminals. If they were guilty, he would serve them justice.

Lee Thompkins engagement party had occurred and Barnes had been there, following a particular guilty man, whom he threw out of a window and killed. He had fled the scene before anyone could see what he had done.

Jim Gordon had managed to speak to the man before he had died and received a name. Barnes.

He didn’t want to believe that it was the captain who had done this, but he couldn’t ignore either. It was a lead. Jim knew he would have to look into it, but he would have to make sure Barnes didn’t catch on.

He had no idea what was happening to his captain. Not yet anyway.

Jim had gone to Harvey for help, but Bullock wasn’t overly happy with looking into his captain. Jim knew he was onto something, especially after he had heard about Barnes nearly beating Jervis to death at the founder’s party. It wasn’t like the captain to go all out like that, so something had to be happening.

Harvey reluctantly helped Jim, helping him to prove his innocence. Barnes was a good man with a good record.

You had spent the best part of the last few days working as usual. There was an awkward moment where Barbara had sent you to Penguin, apparently he needed someone trustworthy to a special job for him. You didn’t really want to face him, but went anyway.

It didn’t click right away, but it slowly dawned on him that he remembered you being there night, even if he didn’t speak to you then. You had your arm linked around Tetch’s when Jervis bumped into him. You were there when Tetch was pointing that gun in his face, and had done nothing.

Yet, he had also whispers, considering he had eyes and ears everywhere in Gotham, about your ‘condition’ and even had the audacity to show sympathy for you. It took all of your will power not to knock out the mayor.

You thought you had escaped the pity and accusations.

You should have known the mayor would have heard something. Oswald Cobblepot knew everything in Gotham.

You moved into Tetch’s safe house without alerting Gordon or Thompkins about it. They would only know if they tried to visit you.Many of Jervis’ things, though he didn’t have a lot with him when he came to Gotham, were still there. The house hadn’t been touched since that day.

You had ended up sleeping in the main bedroom, clutching to Tetch as much as possible. You had tried to deny that you had feelings for the man, but laying in there in that bed, thinking about him, you knew deep down it was true. You longed to be with him.

You wouldn’t say anything.

It would only complicate things considering the current situation. He was locked up in Arkham and you were more than certain that even now his heart only belonged to Alice.

You would continue to be the good friend you were.

The more days that passed without a visit from you, the more bored Tetch was becoming. He missed so you very much, but he knew you were also trying to keep low. You were working hard to get Jim off your back.

If only he wasn’t locked up in Arkham, he could get rid of James Gordon for you.

Jim, however, was starting to make connections back at the GCPD. Harvey had gone to the scene to get prints and hopefully prove Jim wrong. Gordon was looking through the captain’s office where he found a file on the Tetch siblings.

On the right was a photo of Jervis Tetch, on the left a death certificate with a photo of Alice.

Before he could even comprehend what Barnes was doing with the file, the man himself entered the office. It was very awkward indeed. Jim lied through his teeth about why he was in the office, looking for another file, Barnes seemed to be buying this story.

Jim lied some more when Barnes asked if, due to witness claims the victim was still alive, he had told Jim the killer’s name. Jim of course said no, despite the fact he had.

It was becoming difficult to tell what Barnes was thinking. He wasn’t giving away any indication he knew Jim was lying, but something wasn’t sitting right. There was just something in the way he was looking at him and talking to him that indicated he knew something.

“Well, for what’s worth, I called an old CI of mine with deep ties with the mob.” Barnes walked over to his desk and pulled a gun out of the drawer, loading it as he spoke. “He says that once I collared Simon, the higher ups got jumpy.” He looked Jim in the eye.

“You saying the mob had him killed?” Jim asked, concerned.

“He was giving these guys new faces, was probably the only one who could ID them.”

Something just wasn’t right about this.

Apparently his CI also had a name. That caught Jim’s attention. He said he would get someone onto him, but Barnes immediately denied that idea. The more time he spent with his captain, the more concerned Jim was becoming.

Barnes told him this should all be kept between the two of them, they would go see this guy together. He didn’t even allow Jim to tell Harvey where he was going.

Jim was able to leave Harvey a message when Barnes went to adjust something in the boot of the car. He was more sure than ever that his captain may be up to something. He just needed to prove it.

Barnes got in the car, handed Jim a gun and sounding rather chill as he said, “you never know what’s going to go down.”

Silence filled the car for the longest time, but Barnes was the first to break after driving for some time.

“I have to say Jim, I’m disappointed in you.”

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” Jim narrowed his gaze at his captain.

“Lead detective for a high profile murder and you don’t collect statements from everyone present?”

Jim looked at him confused.

“Me.” Jim nodded. “Let’s do it now.”

“Did you see Simon at the party?” Jim asked, seeing he had no choice but to go along with this.

“Yes.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“No I did not.”

“Did you see him go into the bathroom before he was attacked?” Jim side eyed his captain.

“Unfortunately no.”

“Were you ever in it?”

“Yes.” Barnes finally looked at Jim. “Before it was a crime scene, obviously.” He clarified. “So, detective, am I in the clear?”

“For now.” Jim gave a forced smile.

Barnes chuckled.

“This city is a cess pool, don’t you ever want to do something about it?” Barnes had a smile on his face as he focused on the road.

“I thought I was.”

“What, as a cop? I would have thought you of all people would find that limiting.”

“Not any more, came back to the GCPD to things right. Like you.” Jim eyed him again.

“Like me?”

“Last year at Galavan’s when we were attacked, you told me the law shows us where the line is, it stuck with me.”

“Some would say that our job first and foremost is to protect the citizens of this city, even if it means bending the laws.” Barnes told him, seemingly OK with those words.

“No. Break the law and we’re no better than the criminals.” If Jim wasn’t sure about Barnes’ involvement before, he was now.

Sure Gotham was corrupt and was run by the criminals, but that didn’t mean everyone had to live that way. Someone can still do good in this city. That’s what Jim was hoping for the GCPD, but it seemed even the captain had become corrupt.

“Is that what you were thinking the night that Galavan was killed? The first time. This city is at a crossroads, Gordon. Question is: Would good men fight for it? Will they do what’s necessary? The decision is yours to make.”

Jim turned away from his captain, letting those words sink in, but he didn’t sit still for long. He realised that Barnes had driven past their stop. He tried to tell Barnes, but Barnes changed the address to another, making out as a mistake earlier.

Jim rolled with it as they arrived to the second address and grabbed their guns, storming the area. They found the guy they were after and Jim was losing patience with this guy when he didn’t give any straight answers. He eventually fessed about not killing Simon, he swore by it. Jim believed him, but it’s what happened next that confirmed all his theories about Barnes.

“I think he’s telling the truth, but you’re not innocent.” He lifted his gun up at him and shot him.

Then his reloaded and pointed his gun at Jim.

Barnes ordered Jim to move the body. Considering he had a gun pointed at him, Jim didn’t have many choices and did as he said.

“That’s far enough.” Barnes told him, watching Jim drop the body and look at him. “You’re probably wondering why would captain Nathaniel Barnes, mister by the book, blow a hole in this unarmed scumbag? Could it be that he actually killed Simon? I know, Jim, that you have been investigating me.”

“Did you kill Simon?”

“Is that what he told you? I know he said something to you before he died.”

“Yes he did.”

“Probably the truest words that bastard ever uttered.”

Jim was getting the answers he needed. All he needed was Harvey to come. He hoped his partner had received the message he had left.

“I am the law.” Barnes looked James dead in the eye as he stated those words.

“What happened to you? How did you become this?”

“This? This is who I’ve always been, I just needed something to unlock it.” Barnes closed the distance between them.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re just going to say that I’m sick, but I’m not. I’ve never been so clear, so strong, in my life.”

“Alice Tetch’s virus. The files on your desk, you’re infected!” Jim finally connected the dots. This had taken longer than Jervis had originally anticipated, but it was happening. 

“You are a detective, after all!”

“Don’t you see? This means you’re innocent! We can get you help.” Jim tried to reason with him.

“Can you just skip the part where you try to get me to give myself up?” Barnes wasn’t having any of it.

“This isn’t you, this is the virus.”

“No! I’m not insane, and you, are not seeing the big picture.”

“You'e going to frame me for Sugar’s murder.”

“That’s up to you.”

It all made sense now. Barnes was having a God complex, almost. He saw the law as his to do with as he pleased. He was taking it into his own hands and serving justice his own way. As long as people were guilty of something, he would be their executioner.

If there was ever a more important moment for an antidote to exist, it would be now.

Barnes tried to recruit Jim, but he would never, NEVER, cross that line.

The conversation was interrupted when someone entered the warehouse to talk to Sugar. Jim used that distraction to run for it, Barnes shooting at him. Barnes gave chase. Jim was able to call Harvey for help. The GCPD had a call saying Gordon had killed someone and they were on their way to bring him in. Harvey went to Lee for help because they needed everyone to believe that Barnes was infected with the virus.

If not, Jim would be arrested for a crime he didn’t commit.

While this was all going down, you at the safe house. It was quiet and lonely, considering you were the only one there, but you were biding your time. After talking to Jervis, you hoped Jim would discover the truth soon. After everything he had put you through about being hypnotised, you wanted to see him struggle as he tried to save someone close to him.

You vowed to stick by Jervis’ side and be his partner in all of this.

Working with him would be a thrill. It had been so far, so why stop now? Especially when you had become so attached to him.

Harvey and company reached Jim. Barnes had been shot, no where vital and was being taken into custody.

He needed the antidote.

Back at the GCPD he thanked Lee for faking a medical report on Barnes. It could have ended much worse if she hadn’t.

Barnes was transferred to Arkham, where would stay until an antidote became available. That was his only way out of the asylum.

Jervis grinned from his cell further down the hall.

“Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.” On repeat.

Jervis knew that was captain Barnes, therefore knew Jim was aware of the situation. He was sure he would get a visit some time soon. Before he wanted to see Jim to mock him some more for what happened to his sister, but after your visits and what you had told him, he wanted to see Jim for a whole other reason. He couldn’t stand by and let Gordon accuse him of hypnotising the only person he had left who cared for him.

He couldn’t!

However, the constant shouting of ‘GUILTY’ was going to drive Tetch mad, more so than he already was. He could only take so much of that.

Jim didn’t have time for visits as Falcone’s car had exploded. He had a whole new case on his hands.

You had taken to writing to Jervis in the meantime.

When he received the first one his was over the moon. He knew you were back on the job and had to limit your visits anyway. Your letters were more than enough to satisfy him, even if he was missing the sound of your voice.

He had told you that Barnes had been arrested. You replied saying you had seen it on the news. Both of you were sure Jim knew about the virus now.

That talk didn’t last long, however, as most of the letters consisted of how much you were missing each other.

It was nice to know he was missing you.

Jervis would make Jim see, he wouldn’t dare do that to you.

Whispers on the street were telling you that the Tetch virus antidote was still being worked on, but they were getting close. Whispers also told you that Falcone’s son, Mario, was infected. If that didn’t rile up Jim, nothing would it seemed.

Jim Gordon hadn’t seen or spoken to you since his last visit. You had ignored every single one of his calls since then, and Lee was unable to carry out her sessions with you.

He had been attacked at the lab where the virus antidote was being made, but he hadn’t seen who it was that attacked him. He was only left with a message on his hand.

Arkham.

It was about time he made this visit. Jervis had been waiting.

“Hello Jervis.”

Jim walked into the room where the Hatter had been waiting. Tetch smiled at him, acting surprised to see him. He wasn’t.

“James, what an unexpected pleasure.”

“Someone else is infected with your sister’s blood.”

“You don’t say?”

“And I’ve been thinking it’s possible she infected accidentally.”

“Yes, possible.” Jervis smiled.

“But your reaction to me you knew, so you infected them after you stole your sister’s blood, but you stayed quiet, waiting for them to show symptoms.” Jim remained stoic as he spoke his theory.

“Well, that would be darn sneaky of my, wouldn’t it?” Jervis grinned.

“I need the name.”

Tetch chuckled as he looked around the room.

“You need the name? So, I’ve been quiet about it all this time and now I’m going to help you because we’re such good friends?”

“Because I can make your life here very uncomfortable.” Jim leaned forwards.

“More uncomfortable than having captain Barnes next door shouting guilty all hours of the night?”

Jim grabbed Jervis by the collar and pulled him closer to him.

“Give me the name!”

“I don’t think Y/N would be too pleased to hear how you’re treating me.” Jervis let out a little chuckle. “My poor dear Y/N.”

“While we’re on this topic, tell me how to break your spell over her.” Jim growled. “I know you’ve been controlling her all this time.”

“She told me what you said. You think I hypnotised her? How dare you say such a thing! Y/N is my dear friend and I would never think of doing such a thing to her. You just hate the idea that someone is being so kind and loyal to me.” Jervis grinned, but it went away rather quickly. “I’ve been waiting for this visit for a very long time, ever since she first told me your lies.”

“Why would someone willingly follow you after everything you did. Does she know you infected people? What would happen if I told her? If she really isn’t hypnotised, she would turn her back on you in seconds.” Jim was trying to get under Jervis’ skin.

“That’s what you want to think. Truth is, I think she would be impressed. She likes me, she does!”

“Where is she, Tetch? Her apartment is empty and if she’s been talking to you, then you must know something.”

Jervis gave a toothy smile. “Why would I tell you that? She’s safe from you. I don’t like how you’re trying to turn her against me, but I’m happy to know she isn’t falling for your lies. My darling Y/N is on my side.” He smile turned soft and his gaze too.

“Alice is dead and your heart is broken, you’ve turned to the only person who gave you the slightest bit of compassion.” Jim shook his head. “You fall in love too easy, Tetch.”

“How dare you! I wonder what my sister’s blood would bring out in you.” He grinned.”The beast in you is right there.”

Jim wasn’t winning. For some reason, he believed Tetch’s words. Perhaps you had been telling him truth all this time.

“So desperate to get out, and I know of whom you speak, oh yes indeed. I stabbed him and pricked him and caused him to bleed, but nothing you can say, no words you might posses can pry me from the smallest guess. For this game is my game. I say when it’s done and right now I’m having too much fun.”

“Want to play a game, Jervis? Fine, let’s play a game.”

Jervis frowned.

“Whoever you infected, has some sort of plan. I want you tell me the name of this man.”

“Wow, James, I have to give that effort and F. Can you really imagine that-?”

“Two are dead. More may die soon. This isn’t a game, give me his name.”

Jervis was growing frustrated with James as he glared at the man across from him.

“You will only know his name when it’s too late, when the one you love has been murdered by hate!” Jervis spoke quickly, caught off guard that he had Jim that. The answer was easy. “Guard! Take me to my cell!”

“What do you mean the one that I love?”

“Guard!”

Jim grabbed Jervis again.

“Give me his name Tetch.” Goodness, Jim was slow. “Give me his name or you share the blame!”

“Nothing, nothing. I’ll tell you naught! His name shall neither be spoken nor taught, he’ll cut and he’ll crush, his blood will run thick. Though from healer to killer is no easy trick.”

Jervis covered his mouth and groaned. Jim had him going and he hated how much he spilled to him. Surely Jim would get it now.

“Healer to killer... He’s a doctor.” Finally he got it.

“You’ll never stop him, James! He’ll kill and he’ll kill!”

Jim got his phone and ran out of there.

Jervis glared at him as he went. He was annoyed he had given Jim the answer, but he was more worried about you. He saw it in Jim’s eyes that he knew he was telling the truth. James didn’t know where the house was, so as long as you stayed there you would be fine.

The moment Jervis returned to his cell he began writing you a letter.

My dear Y/N,

James Gordon finally came, he still puts me to blame. A part of me thinks he finally believes me, however. I hope it won’t be long before we are back together.

I ask that you be wary of Gordon. I am unsure of his next move.... other than going after the man marrying the one he loves.

I must confess I haven’t shared with you my entire plan. I had a few select people infected with my sister’s virus. It would seem they are finally showing effect. I hope you are safe from these select few, though I have no doubt you could handle yourself if things went wrong.

I hope you are not too lonely without me there. I’m sure we’ll be together again soon, one way or another I’ll see you again.

For now stay safe, my dear.

Jervis.

He would wait patiently for your next visit. He knew you would come the next time you were able.

You received the letter the very next day. The day after the wedding of Lee Thompkins. Mario was dead, so you heard. Falcone would most defiantly be dealing with that.

There was no proof, other than Tetch’s words, that Mario was infected.

The virus didn’t seem to come up in tests.

Jim Gordon would be too busy with that issue to come find you. Perhaps you would be able to visit Jervis more.

His words in the letter made you smile. The way he kept calling you dear and how he was concerned about you. Your heart couldn’t take it. You adored this man all the more now.

You weren’t letting Arkham keep you from him.

At least now, if you met Jim again, he might actually listen to you about not being hypnotised. Would he arrest you too?

You knew you had lost your mind when you realised you wouldn’t mind that. With this line of thought, you would have a one way ticket to Arkham.

For now, you would wait and see what happens with Jim.

Tags: 

@mistressoftorture @fandombeehive @awyr

[jay-cult]

Static and Stars : Prologue

Before a great story is told, one must often understand why.

Two dark figures stopped suddenly in the dimly lit night. The sand at their feet stood still, marking the hour windless. They looked up at the neon sign.

Ed and Edna’s Scrap N Junk

“I can’t believe he didn’t come,” a young, scared-looking girl commented to the other person.

“He couldn’t,” the other woman replied, full red lips moving in a whisper. “He didn’t even want to think about it.”

The smaller girl nodded, and pulled a hood on. The woman followed suit. They kept on guard from any possible security cameras.

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” The girl asked. “I mean….. What if they don’t want him?”

“Don’t worry about it,” the woman answered, taking a step through the gateway. “They were, a long time ago, very good friends of mine… we… are very sure. They wanted to raise a kid, but they were unable to have any. A-anyway. We’ve been over this.”

The girl nodded again, but her light blue eyes looked down in some doubt.

The two walked around the mountains of rubble in the darkness. The woman clung tight to a bundle in her arms. It stayed still.

They finally arrived at the door to a humble-looking trailer. Its light only dimly filled a small space around it. The woman stooped down, placing the bundle at the very foot of the door. It continued to lie still, almost too peaceful.

She slid a note out of her pocket, and placed it right on top. If ever you find the need to reveal the origins of this child, this address is enough for him to find his way, it read. An address was listed. We respectfully ask one thing. There is no need for him to be famous or important. He just needs to be loved, and free. Please do that for us.

The woman reached into a pocket again, and took out a light blue charm that shone with easily reflected light. It was in the shape of a lightning bolt. She placed it by the note, as if to say, he’ll always be a Staticholder.

The two gazed at the thing on the ground. The woman couldn’t draw herself away, until she forced herself to look to the side. Tears found their way to her eyes, then down her cheeks, but she knew she could not even let her own sister see how torn she was. “I’m going to go,” she mumbled. She stumbled away.

“Where are you going?” The girl asked, voice toned with fear, the woman a few steps away already.

The woman lowered her head. She wiped her face with her hands. “Away.”

She bolted up a tower of junk, almost invisible in the cold night. Her hood flew off and her golden hair wove as she ran. Her sorrowful, tear-ridden face was now a little visible in the dark. She reached the top, and leaped off the mound. The air beneath her lit and blue energy began to take shape, the shape of a dragon. It flew away, a sparking light, until it was dark again and the speck was gone.

The girl turned and looked back at the bundle, making her way towards it.

“Oh, you,” she whispered. “Little Staticholder…… a….. little guy.” She didn’t really understand. She didn’t understand why this had to happen.

The bundle stirred now, awakening, but no voice came yet. Little eyes were still shut tight. The young girl crouched down to look at it again. This time she was alone. Confused thoughts raged through her head. She wondered if, for a few moments, she could take it, and she thought maybe she could run away and be free of the future her parents promised her and instead try to make a life with a child- no, that would never work. The idea was insane. She knew it had to be left here. He had to be left here.

Still, she felt an odd connection that was there, even if she had never seen him until these past few hours. Perhaps it was sympathy, or perhaps it was a weirdly quick bond from staring at a sleeping baby, or maybe… it was just an automatic family tie, like as if blood was a path to loving.

“You’re not exactly my blood, are you though,” she said silently. “We still both have something from my parents though, I guess. I-”

The bundle stirred again and eyes screwed as if they were trying so so hard to do something. And then miraculously the eyes opened for the first time she had ever seen.

“....They. They’re like mine,” she breathed in awe. Light blue as if reflecting the lightning that ran always through the Staticholder family’s veins. Man to man to man to the two sisters, and their name would end on their branch.

Her heart twisted and she looked down at the little charm that had been given to the baby. Self-control let go and she knew she had to make herself some connection to him. She reached down to take it in her hands, and then a separate little hand reached out and touched her own. She smiled more sadly than she had ever frowned.

It was over quickly, and she dragged her hand back, and slipped the metallic charm in a pocket.

“Agh, typical. Now I have to figure out how to make sure you get in as soon as possible and I get out of here so I don’t get caught. She just bolted it outta here, and now I have no way home either, huh.” Yeah, sure her sister had quite a lot on her mind with all…. This. But was it really an excuse to just dumbly leave her in this desert? She hadn’t even reached her true potential let alone been able to conjure an energy dragon, how the hell was she going to get out- right. The kid first.

No need to think up a storm of a plan. The girl stood up and banged loudly on the door, immediately scampering away to hide behind a pile of trash.

Silence.

She poked her head out for a second, until suddenly the latch of the door opened. “Hello?” She heard a very tired voice of a woman say. The girl peeked out, and saw someone about 40, which she supposed was surprisingly old to raise a child. “Oh! Oh dear, what’s this? Ed?”

A similar-aged looking man stepped out. “By golly,” he exclaimed. “It seems we have ourselves a dilemma, honey.”

The girl narrowed an eyebrow, slightly confused about the odd way the couple spoke.

“Dilemma? Well, I’d hardly say that’s the word. It doesn’t have to be,” the woman replied. “I mean look at it. What a cute little….” a pause, “guy!”

“There’s a note,” Ed said.

The girl took one last look at the situation and sighed. She supposed she should probably go back to her house before her parents found her out of bed. She quickly snuck away, back through the illuminated sign, and to the road in the desert.

“Yugh. I’m gonna have to walk all on my own now, huh.” She said disappointedly. She began the path down the road in the sharp, cold night.

She pulled back her hood, and began to ponder as people who walk often do. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the charm, moving it about to observe the starlight’s effect on its shiny surface.

A familiar car pulled past, a rare sight in this area especially at this time, and stopped suddenly. The window rolled down and a face poked out. “Rhon? Is that you?” it asked.

“Ah FSM, Irene? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same, and even more relevantly, about you! Get in! Where’re your fancy whozits and whatnot? Can’t you pull yourself around in those?”

“They’re just small remote-control prototypes,” the girl named Rhon mumbled, dragging herself into the surprisingly nice passenger seat. “I’m not making mobiles at twelve-”

“Alright, alright,” Irene said defensively. She rolled up her window and quickly drove on. “Hey, I am taking you to your house ASAP right now. For real what are you doing-”

“I MAY or MAY NOT have went with Lib to take care of the problem, you know the problem where she didn’t have enough to take care of more than herself-”

“SO YOU WENT INTO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND KILLED HIM?”

“NO you DIMWIT!” Rhon yelled, and sighed to herself after, rubbing her forehead. “We brought him to the Walkers.”

“Ah, good choice,” Irene said. She seemed to recover easily. “FSM… a twelve year old shouldn’t have to go through this.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not a child, unlike her,” she said almost in a growl.

The car stayed in silence for a while.

“Sorry,” Rhon said suddenly.

“It’s alright, you’re starting to be a teenager after all, most of them say things like this,” Irene replied coolly.

But it was never this intense or weird between us, Rhon thought.

As if reading her thoughts, Irene piped up and said, “It’s just that this whole situation seems a little… shocking, eh?” She smiled like she knew what she did.

Rhon gave her the most disappointed look. It was an odd situation there in that car with a young girl being more serious and having gone through more than a well-established adult. “Ah, well… how have things been going, I haven’t really talked to you much since this all… happened. How’re you and that noodle boy getting along?”

“Hardly a boy,” Irene smiled. “Ah, he did used to be so young. He was only somewhat older than his apprentice when he was teaching him.”

“Ah, the infamous… did you hear about him?”

“Rumors have been going around,” Irene answered, frowning. “But… he left Chen a long, long time ago. Chen would know nothing now.”

“Wonder why,” Rhon commented.

“Yeah,” Irene said. “The man is crazy. But secretive, and well, he’s just wonderful, and it really is going pretty great with him. I-in fact, I should probably use this chance to tell you.”

Irene just stuttered. Irene never stuttered.

“You may have just had your baby situation. But now you can have real hope with me, I guess-”

“Holy. Shi-”

“YES, okay, I am, I do have a. Situation that I love that I have and I guess that’s just news for you and WOO yes there!” Irene shouted.

Rhon clapped. “Aa, nice! Cool! Wow, that’s new, huh.”

“Yeah,” Irene said.

More happy silence.

“We’re an odd couple, you know that?” the older woman said suddenly. “I mean, how did we even get to be like this, a young kid like you and… a person like me?”

“I dunno,” Rhon shrugged. “I s’pose friendships are just wild like that.”

The care came to a stop by Rhon’s home, but not right in front of it lest her parents wake up. “Ah, thanks for grabbing me outta that desert, the timing was perfect.”

“Yeah, I’m great, I know,” Irene joked. “Now do go get in your house. It’s so damn late ya crazy kid.”

She bolted off and snuck around the front of the house until she reached a window. She took a step onto it and climbed to the top of it, then onto the roof, and then she quickly dove into the window up there. Her room was just as how she had left it that night, thankfully. She dove into her covers, too tired to stare at the “Cyrus Borg: Kid Genius”-and-like posters on her walls for a few minutes before falling back asleep. She grabbed a blue dragon plushie and hugged it to her heart.

[nerdsideofthemedia]

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

RWBY has been adored by the progressive community due to the portrayal of 4 strong young women, at least 2 of whom are LGBTQ+. Not to mention the inclusion of other LGBTQ+ minor characters.

Despite this, the show is far from flawless, and it’s time to address what is probably its biggest problem: the portrayal of racism. I suspect this may end up being my most controversial post yet, but, like someone said, “It’s both possible, and even necessary, to simultaneously enjoy media while also being critical of its more problematic or pernicious aspects”.

Before I start I think it’s important to clarify that unlike in conversations about being a woman and LGBTQ+, in this one, I come from a place of no experience, since I am a white European. I do not intend to speak over POC, nor do I claim that my knowledge on the subject is flawless (far from it). Hopefully, this is only the start of a conversation and not the entirety of it.

To be clear: I am not a part of RWBY hatedom. While it’s flawed, I like it, I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t. I am criticizing this aspect because racism exists in real life, so how the subject is handled is important and I don’t want the edgelords controlling this entire conversation because their stance on racism in real life is: it doesn’t exist.

Lazy worldbuilding

Like Bright and Crash, RWBY, for the most part, frames individuals as the main culprits of racism instead of the systems which favor certain groups over others. We see this with Cardin, Cordovin, V1 Weiss, Roman and the village people (in the Adam short). Yes, those racist individuals exist, sometimes like caricatures however, they are far from being the only or even the most relevant type of prejudice.

By putting the blame on very specific characters, racism is presented as something easily identifiable and fixable when it’s neither of those things for a significant portion of the population. People often ignore that though laws have changed, biases didn’t magically disappear, segregated neighborhoods didn’t desegregate themselves and the wealth accumulated before wasn’t redistributed. The racist policies of the past created the now and will affect the future unless we try to fix the system.

Keep in mind that the Faunus Rights Revolution happened after the Great War, so… less than 80 years ago. Considering this timeline, it’s just unlikely the Faunus would be equal anywhere, let alone in 2 kingdoms (Vacuo and Vale) and the only thing we see in Mistral is the possibility of discriminating with the ramen shop owner.

The mere fact this sign exists shows discrimination is possible but that shouldn’t be the only thing shown.

Atlas is the exception. In “Tipping Point”, we can hear a conversation about the Faunus, which mentions economic disparity and lack of opportunity, but it quickly fades into the background.

In terms of race issues, Remnant is wildly unexplored, even the renowned for its racism, Mistral. Maybe the writers just thought digging into politic could make for a boring story or maybe they didn’t want to risk alienating the portion of the audience that listens to edgelords. In either case, it makes no sense to have racism as a major theme.

Justifying racism

“Early men were scared to death of the Faunus, and honestly, it’s not too hard to sympathize with that. Seeing something that looks like you and acts like you walk out of the forest and reveal a pair of fangs, can be a little… upsetting.”

Qrow, World of Remnant about Faunus

This does sound a bit like justifying racism and trying to present as understandable. This is an idea that I see a lot. In a review of a book that had a new species and racism as a theme, one of the complaints was that there was no justification given for the treatment like welfare and gangs. Those aren’t causes of racism – they’re just excuses.  If anything, they have a lot more to do with stereotypes and wealth disparity caused by racism.  

RWBY does make this mistake with Blake’s speech in True Colors, which is reminiscent of when people hold all Muslims accountable for an attack done by one, judging them all for that person’s actions, even though we’d never do that for our own race.

“We’re just as capable of hate and violence as the humans, but I don’t think any of us would jump at the chance to point that out. So why are we letting Adam do it for us? By doing nothing and staying silent, we let others speak and act in our place. And if we’re not proud of the choices they make, then we have no one to blame but ourselves.”

Ghira does the same in the Adam character short, claiming Adam’s violence is the reason why people attack them. If you judge an entire race based on the actions of a few – that’s on you.

Um, actually Antifa is the problem

While the White Fang is not the only group of people fighting for Faunus rights (in the first episode, we learn they interrupted a peaceful protest), they are definitely the ones who are given the spotlight and it’s very unfortunate how they’re portrayed. With the exception of Ilia (and arguably Sienna), they are shown to be so radical that they are not only OK with destroying cities, but also mass murder. They are terrorists and don’t even deserve a face.

In contrast, the racists both deal with their shortcomings fast (Weiss and Cordovin), they all are worthy of sympathy and redemption (even Cardin and the ramen shop owner). I think the writers were going for “racists are people too”, which is a troublesome stance to take when you frame the ones fighting racism as flat out evil.

I imagine that Atlas is going to be shown to be more unforgivably racist and the Faunus will be more sympathetic, but… even so, it kind of feels like trying to make a case for “both sides”. Yikes!

Menagerie

I’m not entirely sure Menagerie was meant to be a paradise. It looks like it, Sun expresses loving it, but Blake quickly claims it’s overcrowded. I’ll give it that it seems a lot less developed than the other kingdoms judging by its constructions, but that’s about it. I think that if they were not going for a positive perspective on it, we should have been made more aware of Menagerie’s drawbacks.

To be clear, it’s wrong to force someone to live somewhere they don’t want to live, but I think it’s a bit problematic to present it as a paradise when in the real world, white supremacists are increasing and their way of speaking is by defending a white ethnostate, claiming homogenized societies are better.

Due to the lack of good characterization of the rest of Remnant, it makes it harder to believe Faunus really went to Menagerie due to being too jaded to be somewhere else because of racism.

Adam’s scar

I have written about Adam before and just so we’re clear, I stand by my post – I’m OK with him being there to be Blake’s cruel obsessive ex-boyfriend who wants to harm her and that he basically represents the last obstacle to close Blake and Yang’s arcs of running away and facing abandonment issues, respectively.

This been said, considering the story, the scar was a huge mistake and I have no idea why someone thought it was a good idea. We’re not supposed to feel sorry for him, it doesn’t make us empathize with him – he’s clearly beyond redemption when it’s revealed and it doesn’t tie to his main motivation, his obsession for Blake, which is the cause of him being in the story. The scar would only make sense if he was an anti-villain, someone with a good cause, but evil methods (Black Panther’s Killmonger). That has never been his story though. He’s always put Blake above his cause and ultimately, he meets his end because of his obsession with her, not because she decides to confront him about his methods. Not to mention that if the scar was tied to his motivation, we should have seen it a lot earlier, not 2 minutes before he died.

Giving him a scar that reveals a cruel treatment of Faunus by humans for no other reason than to show racism is going to have a spotlight in the next volume is incredibly cheap and an awful idea, especially when it basically means nothing for Adam himself and doesn’t humanize him at all – he’s literally trying to kill 2 main characters at that point.

“Remnant can’t be racist, because…”

I also want to counter a few bad arguments against the idea there can’t be any systemic racism in Remnant. The examples usually given are Leo being the headmaster of Haven Academy and Neon representing Atlas in the Vytal Festival.

Leo

Thanks to Raven, we learned Ozpin chose the headmasters in other academies, therefore it’s possible to infer Leo was Ozpin’s attempt at fixing Mistral’s racism.

Neon

Yes, she studies in Atlas, but the headmaster is Ironwood, chosen by Ozpin and probably is also fighting against racism as far as the academy goes.

“They wouldn’t allow a Faunus to represent their kingdom”.

The equivalent of “I can’t be racist, I have a black friend”. Allowing a Faunus to go helps with the “we’re not racists, we even have a Faunus representing us”.

Other than Ironwood, I see no one else who could even have a say in that decision.

“She wouldn’t accept to represent a racist kingdom”

This either reveals an incredibly dishonest take or an almost child-like naivety. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but often people do go against their own interests provided the salesmen know how to sell it (there are Muslims who voted for Trump, women who fought against women’s voting rights, etc.). We can have prejudices against groups we’re part of.

Many will gladly go against their groups’ interests, provided they have something to gain (more than a few people spring to mind).

In this case, her decision doesn’t even hurt Faunus as far as we know – it just advances her fame.

“The townspeople weren’t racist since they were wearing masks and had weapons and we never see what’s inside of the truck”

I cannot believe I have to dignify this with a response… First, the inside of the truck is irrelevant. We had no reason to believe it was anything bad and one certainly can’t start shooting someone else just because they find them “suspicious”. Murders have happened because of racist jackasses who wanted to play hero by attacking a black “suspicious” person. Second, it’s Remnant, a place so full of monsters, teenagers are allowed to have weapons. They are clearly needed to go from one town to another. Sure, they could have dropped their weapons, but that still doesn’t change they weren’t attacking, not even in self-defense. Third, Ghira was still in charge of the White Fang and we know that during this time, the methods of the group were mostly peaceful, even if they were already wearing masks.

“They allowed an army of Faunus to go to Mistral”

OK, this is by far the most difficult one to justify, but not because of race – it’s just the authorities should have handled it all by themselves and I highly doubt they would allow civilians to fight against a terrorist attack. As for the racism point, the Faunus clearly warned the authorities, so I think it’s very unlikely they were bad guys and their weapons were awfully rudimentary. It’s not a great explanation, but I don’t think it’s more of a hit on verisimilitude than letting civilians fight.

Conclusion

I think the problems in the portrayal of race is due to a lack of understanding of racism, insufficient worldbuilding which should have been done before beginning to write RWBY and, probably, trying to avoid alienating any groups in the audience, which is not likely when the subject is racism and should not be the goal. This resulted in a mess where it feels like there is a need to frame racism as wrong, yet understandable (WoR), easy to fix, and too worried about holding the audience to task, hence sticking to cartoonish racism. While all of that is already pretty bad, it’s impossible to deny that it isn’t made worse by the rise of white supremacist groups.

I wish the writers will be more careful during the Atlas arc, but I fear we might be entering a white savior’s narrative as Weiss will probably be the focus of it. I tend to give credit to RWBY for putting the minority character at the center of their struggle, but ultimately Blake was there to fight her own and I suspect they will do the same with Weiss – she will fight her father for the rights of the Faunus (at least partially) and she will be the one who ultimately fixes racism…yeah, we might be heading to a white savior narrative.

I am hoping for the best while preparing for the worst. Still, no matter how well the next arc is handled, it cannot fix the past volumes retroactively.

One last note, I think the election of Trump should be more than enough to reveal that racism is alive and well, but if you want to understand systemic racism and the portrayal of racism in media, here are a few links:

7 Ways We Know Systemic Racism Is Real;

Adam Ruins Everything (it’s a video);

NCSC Implicit Bias;

ContraPoints – America: Still Racist (also a video);

Bright: the Apotheosis of Lazy Worldbuilding (video);

Renegade Cut - Green Book - A Symphony of Lies (video).

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

As usual, the original.