#it doesnt make me dysphoric
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Hehehehe my wig is so cool
Sorry my lights are kinda yellow
#i remember my hair being whiter#but i like it like that also#it doesnt make me dysphoric#koishi komeiji#touhou#touhou fictionkin#regarding my appearance#fictionkin#otherkin#i am a very happy satori.#hooray#hoorayhooray#hoorayyy
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birthday bunny: under the clothes edition 🖤
#ok to rb#bunnyflesh#I really really really like these ones#they're so high waisted they go up to the middle of my waist and they hold my belly in the front so cutely too 🥺#and I like that they're literally only opaque over my coochie and LITERALLY nothing else#also so breathable#i literally dont feel like i have underwear on#also shout-out to my wife who managed to buy frilly/lacey/sexy underwear that also doesnt make me feel dysphoric as fuck 🥰
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Dressed way femme last night so I gotta dress a lil extra masc today to balance out my humors
#wearing a dress is like drag to me#like it doesnt really make me dysphoric anymore but it would if i did it every day#but its fun to get all dolled up sometimes. on my own terms#my version of masc is still pretty goth metrosexual flavored tbf
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the urge to shave my head again is strongggg
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god i hate everyone
#who thought it would be cute to immediately start ribbing me about how hairy and bald and ugly im gonna be when i go on t#one. im taking minoxidil. two. i wanna be hairy. and three. im not transitioning to attract you guys im transitioning to attract other trans#people! other trans guys find it hot come on!#like ok so dads brother is out here rn right#so first mom tells me hes gonna ask me questions about being trans. ok fine.#second she starts going on about how i had to be emotionally vulnerable with like 3 different therapists for this. whatever.#then when i start participating in the conversation she immediately asks “so how are you feeling about losing all your hair”#THEN she has the audacity to say to my uncle “yeah its sort of a gamble hes either gonna end up hairy like the italian side or fairly#baby smooth like yall“ when she fucking KNOWS that im dysphoric about my lack of body hair#and this happens every time! and its out of nowhere constantly!#all the while the cis men in the room are fucking bullying me with all this toxic masculinity bullshit!#sometimes i just wish i had never come out is all im saying#kept this a secret until i became an adult yknow. yeah i would have to do everything myself but it wouldn't be like this#just because i told you that you could call me a fag doesnt mean youre suddenly allowed to do microagressions constantly#shes tickled to fucking death with calling my future bottom growth my “teenie weenie” what the fuck! what the fuck!!!#and meanwhile every time i try to say words or make a joke my dad and grandpa jump on the fucking opportunity to correct me! or cut me off!#sorry im fucking exhausted i barely slept at all the night before last and got i think maybe 7 hours of sleep at most last night#and i just got out of therapy which always wears me out
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me while I'm at work: can't wait to get home so I can write
me when I get home:
#playing extended bouts of dress up while listening to music we dont have at work#can be very healing#fuck off lou#my post#in that rare non-dysphoric mood where i can where some of my stays w/o fear#tonights playlist includes ethel cain death grips chappell roan sleep token and mitski#idk if that tells you anything abt my mood#my photo#me#mine#ill put it down to the fact that i wrote nearly 3k last night#doesnt make me less frustrated tho#that joey claire fic isnt gonna write itself#and i swear its on the home stretch#like two more scenes tops
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Every algorithm online thinks i'm a 15 year old lesbian, except for spotify which thinks i am someone who listens to nothing but songs who's lyrics are 90% jizz and spunk
#jay talkin#spotify slamming a song down in its recommends like E'RE Y'GO FILTHY LITTLE FUCK. YOU LIKE SPUNK AND ALCOHOL AND PUBLIC SEX AN SMELLING BAD#and i go THANK FUCK THE ONE ALGORITH THAT DOESNT THINK IM A TWEE TEEN GIRL#no i dont always like the songs in my discover weekly but im just glad of the change of fucking pase tbh#actually a lot of what i've been listening to lately inst along these lines at all. ive been seeking out a lot of newer artists i hadnt#heard of before. having a good time w it! been on a joey valence and brae kick and a hyphen kick#and been trying to seek out more furry artists too. had ashley ninelives russel buck and pent up pup on latelyyyy#i have a LOT more artists to check out tho theres so many talented ppl out there for reallll#the thing of every algorithm thinking im a lesbian woman does make me feel dysphoric tbh but we aint talking bout that rn#something something feeling so alone cuz nowhere feels made for you as a gay trans man something something whatev
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no thoughts, only hucow giantess who needs milking x tiny about to get many, many times their daily dose of calcium
#moray speaks#nsft#crazy how growing up makes u realize ur into way more kinks.#i used to hate the idea of lactation bc i was wildly dysphoric + the idea of Me doing it made me want to turn inside out#but im more mature now. i can just be like it doesnt have to be me it can just be someone else. peace and love#sorry these tags got way personal. anyway GIANT TÏDDIES AND MILK INFLÀTION YAAAAAAAAY
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X
#idk if its bc of my flu shot my covid shot or a fun flirty combo but my voice is so hoarse today#it doesnt hurt + i dont have any othe symptoms im just#frog in throaty i guess#and its not annoying is just more dysphoric than anything else im not having a great time 🙃#Arlo speaks#well arlo is trying to speaks but my voice is low and off and making me spiral
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tired of pretending that "sex changes" by the dresden dolls isn't a Damn Good Song
#the framing of Having Sex For The First Time as a pandora's box -- something to be dreaded --#ushering a change as irrevocable as bottom surgery --#idk it taps into a lot of the anxieties i had as a teen -- closeted and unknowingly dysphoric -- about the looming spectre of Sex#like when i was in college finally understanding that my peers were actually out there sucking n fucking --#and observing how str8 cis ppl of the gender i thought I was would act when it came to sex#& fearing that if i were to have sex it would make me Become Like Them (monstrous)#it sucked! esp as somebody who CRAVED affection and romance with an intensity available only to the touch-starved and emotionally isolated#realizing that my chances of fulfilling those desires would likely come at the cost of making myself sexually available#in the manner dictated by the gender roles of my AGAB -- which filled me with dread#and idk no other art has reflected and validated that dread from my youth quite like ''THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT SEX WILL CHANGE YOU#CHANGE YOU#CHANGE YOU''#now was amanda way the fuck out of line for using the framing of bottom surgery for shock value essentially? ofc#almost everything she says and does is out of line#cis person of all time tbh#but it doesnt change the fact that this one song goes hard on every level -- lyrical and musical and metaphorical and all those other guys#me.jpg#the discourse#blogging while trans
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people seeing a "he" in my pronouns and immediately assuming im transmasc is something im very much not a fan of and id like it to stop
#like just because i allow people to use he/him for me (and occasionally vibe with it) doesn't mean im transitioning in a masculine direction#(its not even an option for me)#its insanely reductive and honestly stupid to assume every trans person who uses he/him in any capacity is transmasc#and its not just online either which rlly pisses me off#like im v androgynous and read as visibly trans to most people#but if someone asks for my pronouns or hears someone call me ''he'' its an immediate wash of masculine terms and social roles#trying to ''affirm'' an identity that isnt even mine#like just please dont assume from ''they/he'' that calling me ''man boy sir mister dude bro'' is gonna make me have a good time#because it just so doesnt (it makes me feel weird at best and disgustingly dysphoric at worst)#anyway please dont assume people's identities and preferences based on pronouns please it really sucks#ghoul groans
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i want new guy clothes
#there's only a small amount of clothing items i actually feel comfortable with - the rest of my wardrobe is still very VERY feminine#i wasn't in a position to buy myself clothes often until very recently#and i'm still not comfortable splurging and stuff#but i really do need a wardrobe change... especially with summer approaching#i'm still walking around in stuff thats way too heavy and hot simply because it doesnt make me as dysphoric as other things#soliloquy
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the discussion around trans pregnancy has gotten really annoying for me bc i feel like a lot of it comes down to either (trans)misogyny at this point or viewing trans people as like a hivemind of people who have the exact same desires and experiences. like yes, several trans men and nb people with uteruses are uncomfortable and dysphoric at the idea of pregnancy because of the language and experiences around it. that is true and that's something ppl need to be conscious of! that does not mean you get to yell at trans people who DO want to get pregnant and accuse them of fetishizing it or disrespecting it.
#didnt want to derail that last post so im making my own but thats a great example right there#''why would YOU as a TRANS woman want pregnancy? itd make ME dysphoric'' ok well you are not her though. you have different values#also like i understand that pregnancy can be dangerous and a risky procedure but like.........#if cis women are allowed to love and desire it? why cant a trans person feel the same way?#im saying all this as someone who doesnt want to be pregnant or have kids ever ftr im not saying that you need to have kids or whatever#echoed voice#also this pisses me off moreso now w trans ppl being sterilized or denied adoption or denied family in general#like fuck off#i think ppl think reproductive rights are like... just about abortion. which the topic does include yes#but like its also about people who want to get pregnant at all but have less rights and support about it#i think some ppl are like ''well i dont want kids so why should you?'' and leave it at that#when the topic is a lot more nuanced than that
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been thinking a lot about womanhood lately
#like. i don't exactly identify as being a woman. in contrast i do have a strong nonbinary/muunsukupuolinen identity#yet i do feel and acknowledge that in most contexts i AM a woman#not only because that's what most of the world sees me as but that's also consecuently how i move through the world#there is no one set way for women to experoence the world but i do feel like my experience is one of those. because i am gendered as a woman#it used to make me uncomfortable and dysphoric and i'm not saying that now it never does#but i have made my peace with it? like. i feel like i have “let womanhood in” as a part of my identity#and i have also realized that it's not actually being seen as a woman that makes me uncomfortable but being seen SOLELY as a woman#like my friends calling me a woman or my partner calling me their girlfriend doesnt sting usually#because i know they also see the other parts of my gender identity#but when a coworker refers to me with she/her or includes me in “ladies” it stings. because i know that's all they see#like YES i can be a woman. if you acknowledge that i am a bit of a weird woman.#i can be a woman if you acknowledge that i am a gnc woman. a bisexual woman. a queer woman. a woman who is sometimes bit of a man.#if you see and acknowledge that we can talk#however i am NOT a nonbinary woman. i am nonbinary AND a woman. which to some people is the same thing#but to me it's an important distinction. being nonbinary and being a woman are both parts of my gender identity but in very different ways#and very distinctively. lumping them together as equal parts of my identity as i feel the term ��nonbinary woman” does doesn't describe me#i am enthusiastically nonbinary. i am begrudgingly a woman. i'm a woman with a long footnote explanation. woman¹#“nonbinary woman” also doesnt feel like it accommodates the way i relate to manhood or boyhood. but that's a whole another tedtalk#i'm not a man but i like how it looks. and i'm not a man i'm just borrowing parts of it for genderfuckery reasons#idk how to explain it in english...#in finnish i would say that en oo mies mut joskus lainaan tai iahn vaa ihailen asioita mieheyden kuvastosta.#but because in social situations and In Our Society That We Live In you mostly can just choose one gender and it's either man or a woman#thennout of those i would rather be a woman. legally. with strangers. you know. not a woman but kind of yes because i relate to other women#if i could be seen only as nonbinary i would. but then again my nonbinaryness does encompass some parts of both womanhood and manhood.#so i guess people would have trouble seeing it as “only nonbinsry”#idk man. it's complicated and also changes emphasis multiple times a year#ask me again a month from now and the gender landscape will be interpreted completely differently#gender#nowe talks
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idk why but I feel more comfortable in that drawing portraying myself with curves and a skirt because 1) that's just what my body looks like and 2) skirts are completely normal for anyone to wear in that world so I can be comfortable without being percieved as a woman its like. kind of funny how when I thought I was a girl I would refuse to draw any curves on myself at all and Only t shirts and jeans and then when I'm a dude it's curvy skirt time. funny how when you're comfortable with your gender you're comfortable with expressing yourself accurately
#gender bullshit tag#like it doesnt make me dysphoric to see myself portrayed that way because right now#that is quite literally just how i look and i know I'm a man. and i know the characters see me that way too
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i have a medical appointment that im dreading tomorrow and im already sick to my stomach thinking about it
#cw possible dysphoria inducing content in next tags#.txt#its to uh. uterus checkup ig + discuss possible hysterectomy but man it makes me so dysphoric thinking about it. killing myself#i hate being reminded of my body fr.#also the thought of having to wait in a gynaecology waiting room with women....i want to die#wanted to get a friend to come with me so its like we're expecting parents coming for an examination or smth but no one was available....#ill try to play it confident ig. not think about other ppl#really hating it here but at least it will be done ive been procrastinating this for way too long#doesnt help that ive been very dysphoric in general lately smh
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