#it doesn't occupy the same space in my brain that it once did

[heymacy]

💛

[andy-wm]

"Who's been sleeping in MY bed?" the little one asked

I had a comment on my previous post asking if Jimin & JK stayed at the same hotel in NY and I realised I had assumed Jimin stayed in JK's room. But I don't think he did and I have thoughts on this whole situation.

[[ETA a few ppl have mentioned they had to read this twice. I apologise that this post jumps around and meanders and side-tracks all over. Believe it or not i did try to organise it... unfortunately it's an accurate representation of my brain]]

It's taken a few (probably way more than necessary) hours of looking at every bloody room in the Loews-Regency NY, and going back and forth between Are You Sure, I am Still, and the AYS behind clips to work it it but I can confidently say I know exactly* what unfolded on the night Jimin arrived in NY...

*clearly a lie, since we never REALLY know anything... However by collecting all the clues** left in these 3 series I do have a lot of circumstantial evidence. Combining that with a bit of deductive reasoning and a healthy dose of speculation, I have a decent enough theory.

** This cannot be accidental. The same people would be responsible (to an extent) for all three series. They have managed not to re-use any content, except once or twice we get the same scene from different angles. And that means we have a lot of information. BH knows army well enough to know we are absolutely going to gather up the (red) threads of these series and stitch together a story.

This is what i know:

Jungkook was in a Two Bedroom Suite - he had the master bedroom.

A Grand Executive Suite was used as a dressing room (but not much else).

Jimin had a Grand Executive Suite to himself (almost).

This is what I have reasonable evidence of:

Jungkook's master bedroom in the two bedroom suite was clearly used. Clothes on a chair, two open suitcases, personal items on the nightstand etc are evidence of the space being occupied. However when we saw him packing to leave for AYS, the bed looked largely unused. A dent in one pillow (the other pillows thrown across the bed) shows someone lay down on the bed, but the comforter was undisturbed and even the blanket at the bottom of the bed was still in place.

At first i was amazed that JK's suite is shown almost without restriction. It is not treated as a private space. But then i realised we see a number of staff moving in and out of the space too. It dawned on me that even though JK has an area for his own use (the master bedroom) this is considered a work environment, much like the hotels in BV and ITS.

So it's unsuprising that when filming, the staff casually follow JK around as he does his thing, even making a point of showing spaces we wouldn't otherwise see - like the master bathroom with its great big tub. Jungkook himself invites us into the living area when he checks on reactions to the Seven MV. and in AYS we get a glimpse into the kitchen.

We don't get to see the second bedroom or bathroom so I assume a staff member - maybe JK's manager - used those.

Compare this to the way Jimin's space is treated:

Jimin's suite is treated - mostly - as a private space. It's not just careful editing. By the actions of the staff members filming him we can see they are very aware of this.

We see it at the start of AYS when the staff member wakes Jimin up. They stay in the doorway of Jimin's suite, literally not even stepping inside. We see only a glimpse of the (second) bathroom, and the footage is cut when the camera pans away. Jimin seems quite cheerful about being on camera despite his sleep swollen face and his bed hair, but nevertheless the staff member doesn't enter his room.

On both occasions when we see Jimin's suite, the staff member recording him is cautious about being his space.

That's not something we often see when BTS are on camera - especially not as overtly we saw it here. The privacy of Jimin's suite is very obviously being respected.

Packing for AYS: Jungkook vs Jimin (and the MOOD)

In the Behind clip for AYS we see both of them packing for their getaway.

Jungkook seems quite unbothered about having his packing process documented as he moves around the big suite. It crosses no boundaries for him. He hums and haws about what to take, he chats to the staff member, and he talks to the camera as he moves from room to room. He knows he's working and this is part of his job.

Jimin, on the other hand is rattled. He stuffs his clothes into the cumbersome bag with visible annoyance, not even taking the time to open the bag properly.

Now remember, Jimin is a performer. He goes out of his way to be charming and entertaining. He knows how to turn that on for the camera and in this moment he's choosing not to.

He doesn't engage with the audience.

He doesn't talk to the staff member.

He doesn't turn towards the camera.

He gives nothing.

He huffs in exasperation as he struggles with the bag, and his movements are tense and abrupt.

Prickly is the word that comes to mind, but honestly that doesn't even cover it.

When he's done packing, he snatches that bag up and marches out of the room without a second glance.

His hair covers his eyes like a shield as he walks toward the camera but the tightness in his neck and jaw betrays strong emotion.

Yeah he's not happy

He slips through the half open door and strides down the hallway.

I get the feeling that if the staff member didn't move fast enough, Jimin would run them over.

When something like this happens, my response is usually to look closer, so let's do that.

Firstly Jimin is a consummate professional. He can usually put a good face on any situation. But in this case he doesn't even seem to try. I guess whatever is bothering him is not something he can or will just brush off in that moment.

So what's actually happening here?

What is it that's pissed Jimin off to such an extent?

Let's look at it again...

They are filming him pack his bag. The staff member stands closely beside Jimin and focuses only him, his bag, and the sofa.

Let's be honest, there is absolutely nothing interesting about this scene (except the implications we are currently unpacking).

They could have made this count for a little more, maybe by panning around the room or changing the position of the camera in relation to Jimin. But they don't. Even when, by chance, there's a glimpse of what looks like takeout containers on the coffee table and some random debris on the chair behind Jimin, the staff member moves so that we only see Jimin, the bag and the sofa. That is all we're getting.

That's a clear decision and there has to be a reason for that decision.

When they leave the room, we have an abrupt cut before the camera backs out the door and down the hallway. That's another clear decision. The staff member could easily have moved behind Jimin and followed him out of the suite but this keeps them - and us - out of Jimin's personal (private) space and he remains the literal gatekeeper to that room.

Once they are out of the room Jimin lifts his head briefly, shakes his hair out of his eyes, and strides purposefully - defiantly even - on. He still doesn't interact or make eye contact. He still isn't giving them (or us) a damn thing, and even the funky upbeat muzak they've used can't alleviate the tension in this scene.

So why is Jimin in a mood?

We know Jimin was there for one night before they began filming for AYS. So all this takes place before filming for AYS began.

And that, in my mind, is the key.

Jungkook was promoting his album and he expected to be on camera. He knew the space he occupied was a filming location. Jungkook was already at work when he was packing for AYS. but Jimin was not.

Okay, but this a BIG MOOD... what else is happening?

It's not the end of the world to be asked to start your schedule a little earlier, is it? We know Jimin was already awake...

But they came into his room.

I don't believe he expected to have anyone in his private suite - anyone besides Jungkook. And I don't believe he agreed happily, based on his behaviour.

I'm 99% sure Jungkook spent the night in Jimin's suite for two reasons.

Logically it makes sense that they would choose the place they have the most privacy, and even though Jungkook had the master bedroom and a private bathroom in the bigger suite, that is a WORK LOCATION. It's not his private space.

Add to that Jungkook saying he was packed and ready to go, and only needed to brush his teeth which he would do when Jimin arrived. He even told us where he would be putting his toothbrush (future tense).

It's not hard to guess where his toothbrush was. And why.

So we have two healthy young adults who (we are told repeatedly by Jungkook) have barely seen each other. The flirting started at the restaurant, and we've already seen the evidence of a night spent in energetic passion.

And we have a closed-up room. I don't know how much air would be circulating in that room with the blinds down and the doors closed. I don't know how much air would need to circulate to remove the ...how can I put this delicately? the ripe and musky scent of celebration. I expect there was A LOT of celebration...

And we have Jimin. Jimin is MESSY. Jimin breaks mosquito nets and marks people's necks and pushes boundaries even in public. He throws his things about with not a care in the world... clothes, yes, and other things. How many of Jimin's tissues has JK picked up? You get the picture. It's a Biohazard.

Lastly, we have (or had) an expectation of privacy, of no staff, of restricted access.

Now there's a person in his private space unexpectedly. And they have a camera.

So Jimin is pissed off.

I'd be pissed off too.

He seems to be over it by the time they're filming the preamble to AYS, but he obviously felt compromised and deeply uncomfortable. I am glad he made it clear he was unhappy.

This highlights for me the importance of them having agency over their content and their personal time and space. On this occasion he must have reluctantly (and with conditions) agreed but I hope that in future his boundaries are respected.

I hope even more that ARMY (and Jikookers especially. I hold us to a higher standard) remember that their personal time and space is precious to them, and they deserve to enjoy their lives away from the public eye. Like the rest of us they should have the freedom and confidence to do what they want (no matter how messy) without the fear that someone with a camera will invade their space and record them.

Please don't go to Jungkook's house, even while he's not there. It's not a tourist attraction.

[xoxo-sarah]

The Fair

↝a/n: well this was heart wrenching. ☹️ Why did I decide to write this? I hurt my own feelings with this one, guys.

↝pairing:Daryl Dixon x reader

↝warning: angst, death, season 9 events, Alpha + whispers, the spikes, Daryl never getting his happy ending, it's a bit gruesome ngl, crying, fighting, torture, getting shot, stabbing, self-loathing (Daryl ☹️), more death, not proofread

|| Disclaimer: I do not own Daryl Dixon, or any character from The Walking Dead. I only own y/n and any characters I create with my own brain. ||

↝⎙ 6.24.24

Daryl Dixon masterlist

The early morning sun shone across the town of Alexandria, although not doing much for how the fall chill nipped at any skin showing.

Daryl glanced up from his spot on the porch, after hearing the door open. You stepped out, face scrunching when the smell of nicotine hit your nose. Daryl simply took in your appearance. Freshly showered, clean clothes, and wet hair knotted into a different style than usual. He took a final puff of the cigarette, before flicking it somewhere off the porch.

As you stepped forward, his hand motioned to your hair, "I tried a different braid. I think it's called a fishtail, I'm not sure though. Needed to practice so I could do something different for the fair." You shrugged, moving to take a seat beside him on the rickety porch steps. His hand raised, feeling the bumps of the braid.

He knew you were excited for the fair, wanting to get out of the walls of Alexandria, and not to do a supply run. You need this; time with friends who feel more like family every day.

Daryl dropped your hair, looking around at the other houses. They were quiet, due to everyone still being asleep. If Daryl hadn't stayed the night, you would probably still be in bed. But you woke up to Daryl, who hadn't slept a wink, due to his stress levels. The whole whisperer thing had him on edge, and it only got worse when Lydia came into the picture. Daryl had been just fine only caring for the people he kept close to him, people who he had known for years. But then came Lydia, who was just a kid. He had needed out; out of Hilltop where Lydia and Henry were. You were his safe space, somewhere he knew he could always go to.

Feeling weight being added to his shoulder, he turned, listening as you whispered into the crisp morning air, almost like talking normally would wake everyone, or disturb the peaceful space of the porch. "She's a good kid. She just doesn't know any better. Alpha, her own mother only taught her survival. It's not Lydia's fault, you know that. Give her time."

"Might not have time." He couldn't help but grumble. He knew you were right, Lydia is a kid. She only knows survival. To an extent, Daryl could relate to her. You lifted your head, looking over his face,

"Maybe, but I have a strong hunch that you have enough time to go wash the stench off of you." Your nose scrunched again, more animated than before.

Daryl rolled his eyes before standing. You watched him as he walked to the door, flipping you off before the door shut behind him. A heavy sigh exited your lips when you knew he was gone.

It had been a little over two days since you last saw Daryl. It's not like you were worried. He could hold his own. Atleast, he could before people who wore the dead's faces were among everyone.

That might have you on edge. Or it might be the fact that he had the thing that Alpha wanted, making him become an even bigger target.

Your fingers divided your hair, twisting it into the same braid from before. Your mind was elsewhere, hands moving without a second thought.

The house that you occupied in Alexandria was quiet. Too quiet. You had grown comfortable with the usual silence, since Daryl had left in search of Rick.

The house you once shared turned into yours, with Daryl only visiting. He never stayed for long. Maybe it was the memories, or something that you had no knowledge of. Either way, you weren't going to push him.

Men like Daryl, once they're pushed too far, they leave. It's like their fight or flight goes off. You weren't one to push.

When Daryl and the little gorup found Lydia, Daryl had to escape for the night, going straight to the familiar house. He had told you everything about the Whisperers and Lydia, how They had killed Jesus. Although her group had killed someone who you could rely on, you pitied Lydia. The moment between you two was short-lived when morning came. After he had taken a shower, he was on his way back. Your time together wasn't much, but it was something. Given the circumstances, it was enough for both of you.

A knock at your door had your trailing thoughts stop, along with your hands. You were quick to tie the braid up, before moving to the door. Daryl stood, shoulders sunk in, along with the bags under his eyes, blood coating his hands. Your eyes met, relief, from seeing him mixed with the concern from seeing the dried blood, ran through your back.

Daryl stood against the kitchen sink, scrubbing his hands together, watching as the water turned red before flowing down the drain. "Henry's hurt." Was the first thing he had uttered since you opened the door, letting him in.

You perked up from where you were perched against the counter, having been watching his movements. "How bad?" He shook his head, letting you know it wasn't life or death, without saying a word.

"Here was closer to get him stitched up. Lydia's with us."

Your eyes traveled over his face, looking for any sign of how he felt about that, and maybe even a hint of how much shit you were all in.

"She's a kid." He sighed, turning the water off as he used your same words from before.

You nodded, hoping he knew that he didn't have to explain himself to you. You trusted him and his instinct.

Now night time, you walked with Daryl and his little group as they got ready to leave. Aaron insisted on walking with you, staying with Daryl as you were in step with Henry and Lydia.

You tried to ask questions that were easy for her to answer, questions that didn't revolve around how she had grown up. Questions that made her feel human, not just a piece in the game of survival.

As your conversation drew to an end, you listened in to Aaron and Daryl, " 'Member way back when I told you, you'd make a great father?" Your eyes traveled to the gravel under you. "You got to skip the exploding diapers part, but I was right."

Henry and Lydia tried to contain their own little conversations, hiding their smiles and blushing from the other. Just two teenagers acting as normal as two teenagers could in the broken world.

Daryl grumbled, "A lot has changed." You felt eyes boring into your back but didn't look. You smiled as you felt Dog rub against your legs, begging for attention. Would you and Daryl be able to be happy in a world like this?

"I stand before you today at the start of a new tomorrow. A tomorrow made possible by the sacrifices of many over the years." After a long ride to the kingdom, you stood amongst the crowd, watching as Ezekiel stood on the balcony, giving one of his infamous speeches.

"Among them, a man whose mission was to build community and strengthen the bonds between us. A man who had to destroy the very thing that connected us in order to save us. It took far too long to fulfill the promise of what Rick Grimes and his son, Carl, envisioned, the same promise Paul Rovia, better known to most as "Jesus", believed in when he brought us all together those many years ago. We always will be. We fought our way back to each other. We have grown. The crossing over the river may be gone, but we have rebuilt a bridge, nonetheless. Today is proof we can unite, not against a common enemy, but for the common good. So eat, drink, and be merry...'cause we got a lotta lost time to make up for."

Jerry stepped forward, a hug grin on his face, "Let the First Annual Inter-Community Reunification Fair begin!"

"Jerry!"

Jerry swung around, looking up at the King.

"We changed that."

"For reals? F. A. I. R. Fair?"

Ezekiel sighed, leaning over the railing to stare down, "It's too many-nevermind. Let the Fair of New Beginnings begin!"

Applause broke out through the crowd, doves being released into the air.

Tara, who stood beside you, nudged your shoulder, directing your attention to the gate of the Kingdom. The gates opened, revealing Michonne- who was set on not coming to the fair- with Judith, Daryl, Connie, Henry, and Lydia in tow.

Your feet moved before you even thought about it, and you were in front of Daryl before you knew it. He opened his arms, welcoming the warmth of your arms around him.

Sure, you had seen him not that long ago, but being apart from him became even scarier over the week. Daryl swayed from side to side, before you pulled away slightly.

Carol came over when you two had fully broken apart, bringing her best friend into her arms.

You smiled, watching the two. After she teased him, she watched as you moved back under his arm, laughing when your lips collided with his cheek, watching Daryl grow shy, his ears turning a pink hue.

"C'mon, I heard there's a fair or something happening." You winked at Ezekiel, as he joined in on watching the two of you, throwing his arm around Carol.

It only took about 15 minutes before the fun was cut short.

"You just got here." you sighed, utterly frustrated. You couldn't have one day that was slightly normal. Somebody always had to be a threat. It just happens to be Alpha's group.

"Hilltop's in danger."

"I know,” You huffed, kicking the asphalt under your feet, stopping when Daryl halted, reaching down to pet Dog's head. "I just think you deserve to have fun too. Or at least let me go with you."

He instantly shook his head, standing at his full height. His eyes slightly squinted as he looked at you, "'T's too dangerous, you know that."

"Exactly. You need more people and you know i'm a good shot." You cracked a smile, trying to ease the tension. Daryl looked away, hiding his slight amusement. "At Least be safe." Your voice was serious, almost threatening. Unwinding your arms, letting them fall to your sides, as he finally looked back. "I mean it, Dixon." He puffed air out, before bringing you into a side hug. You two stood by the gate, not caring as people walked past, trying to get ready to leave with Daryl.

The hug was warm- comforting, too bad you don't get the luxury often. "You too." His gruff voice was muffled in your hair, followed by a dry kiss on your forehead. "Can you take care of Dog for me?" He pulled back, already knowing your answer.

You only got a single nod in before Carol walked over, an apologetic smile on her face about the whole thing; having to interrupt to hint that it was time to go and having to cut your time together short.

Saddiq grunted as Michonne rushed over to his pitiful body. His tired eyes reluctantly raised to look at the people following behind her. As he saw Daryl, the pain felt fresh, like all the wounds were pulled open and dirt was shoved into them. He shook his head, trying to get the picture of your last moment out of his head. Your screams of agony rang in his head. What you made him promise rang even louder. He could only cough when the makeshift gag was ripped from his mouth, waiting as Michonne cut his hands free. "What happened?" Michonne asked.

Saddiq could only point, words dying on his tongue. "I-I..."He stumbled with his feet as much as his words. Michonne held most of his body weight as he tried leading them to the hill.

Michonne's face dropped in horror, as they walked closer, close enough to realize exactly what was in front of them, close enough to identify the heads on the spikes.

All it took was for the wind to pick up, causing the braid to sway in the wind, for Daryl to feel the world stop on its axis. He could only watch as your mouth moved, biting and nipping at the air like a feral animal.

Something that would haunt him forever, the hunger for human flesh taking over the one person he couldn't live without. As you began to let out a growl, he had to turn his head, looking anywhere. He couldn't take the sight, feeling his stomach churn.

You were just in his arms, smiling at him, joking around, wanting to spend the time at the fair with him.

His eyes caught a head of blond hair, his body moving before he could think twice. "No! No!" His hands attached themselves to Carol's shoulders, frantically trying to conceal the gruesome picture before them that would surely give him nightmares, if he was even able to sleep. "Just look at me." His voice broke, but continued to repeat himself.

He watched as her lips pursed, before they began trembling, feeling his own emotions breaking through the comfort-others-before-yourself facade.

His body slowly collapsed with hers, his hold on her not faltering. If he held her tight enough, he might be able to feel the warmth you always radiated in his arms.

Maybe it was selfish to try to find comfort of his own while he was comforting her, but he couldn't help himself. Who was going to comfort him? You?

Daryl wasn't one to cry much, but he felt his eyes begin to burn. Before either of them knew it, their tears mixed together on Daryl's clothes as his grip tightened even more.

"I was there. I was taken with the others. And I saw...I was supposed to die with them. I was ready to." Saddiq stood on the podium, looking out at the crowd of mixed communities, all of which had lost someone dear to them. "Then, Alpha whispered in my ear, "Tell them." Something hit me and everything went black. ANd when I woke up, I was alone." The image of you, tears and blood dried on your face as you laid lifeless. "What happened was evil."

Daryl stood in the very back of the crowd, arms crossed. His own thoughts ran wild, so many 'what if's. What if he had stayed? What if he had let you go with him? What if, what if, what if... Daryl tuned out the rest of the speech, only zoning back in when he felt a shaky hand on his shoulder.

"Y/n..." Saddiq did everything in his power to not let his voice shake, but it was useless. He forced himself to keep eye contact, feeling like he at least owed that, even if his eyes were glossy and his nerves were shot. Daryl had to know. He had to know Saddiq was honest and kept his word for you. "She fought. Hard." The shaky man shook his head.

-flashback-

Siddiq looked around, at the old barn, at the people who stood around wearing the dead’s faces, at his friends and family kneeled down, gagged and tied up.

You stared at the people standing, a fire behind your eyes, that Saddiq had never seen before. He couldn’t recall you even blinking.

As Saddiq watched for you to blink at least once, your eyes shifted from the person you were staring down, to behind them.

It was only a split second before the person you had been staring at was hit in the back of the head.

Ozzy, Alek, and DJ yelled as they swung at each and every masked person. You weren’t sure who untied you, but you didn't have time to see. You were on your feet, punching the closest whisperer to you, picking up the knife that had fallen out of their hands.

Everything turned into a massacre.

You stabbed and swung and stabbed some more. Hearing a yell, you swung around on your feet, grabbing the person holding Enid down, before you grabbed by the back of their shirt, your hands moving fast and with force as the knife punctured the chest repeatedly.

Blinded by rage, you moved on adrenaline.

Large hands grabbed your shoulders, yanking you off of the dead body. You could only watch as a new group of Whispers amerged, and charged at what was left of your group.

Alpha stood in front of you, inspecting you. She moved her hand to your hair, her grin making your blood boil. “Beautiful hair. Shame I have to keep it on your head.” The image of her flashed in your head. The blonde hair, of which you now knew wasn’t real, or wasn’t her actual hair. The thought of her cutting it off of someone made you sick.

She tsked, turning when she saw one of her own push someone into the dirt, their knife raised to strike.

“Stop.” All eyes, including your own, were watching the scene play out. Alpha’s eyes scanned the small barn, bodies littering the ground. “They’re the last two.”

The hands tightened on your arms, but you weren't about to show weakness, not over a few bruises being made. One hand moved to hold you still, as another brought a blade to your neck.

Your nostrils flared, watching as Alpha dragged Saddiq right in front of you, although it didn’t take much force with how his body ached, before she held a knife to his throat too.

“What do you think; should we let them decide on who should die?” Alpha’s words were directed to the man behind you.

Your eyes caught sight of Tara, who laid limp on the ground, blood dripping from her mouth. Clenching your jaw, you looked past Saddiq, straight into Alpha’s soul, or lack thereof, anyway. “Now," Alpha pointed at you, “You’re Daryl’s. I Watched you this morning.” You felt the grip on you tighten even more at the mention of Daryl’s name. “You’re loved by everyone- is he?”

She shifted her crazed eyes to the back of Saddiq’s head. When she didn’t get an answer, she put pressure on the knife, drawing blood.

“Fine!” you croaked, “Fine, kill me. Please, he-he’s important. More than me. Please.”

You turned your attention to the man holding you, “Daryl, he said he beat your ass. Told me all about it. You want to hurt him back, right?” You knew you were playing a dangerous game, but you just hoped they would take it out on you, not Daryl or Saddiq.

Beta growled, his breath becoming erratic, as he looked at Alpha for any signal. He could make one quick move and break your neck, but you knew Alpha wanted you to suffer. She wouldn’t let him have all the fun.

It had to be you. Saddiq had a baby on the way. Rosita had told you, and made you promise to keep it on the down low.

There was a long moment of silence, only the angry hot breath fanning over your head, before you were thrown to the ground, hands tied behind your back again. Alpha made everyone leave, dragging Beta out as he shook in anger, ready to pounce.

When the two were out of earshot, you stared Saddiq down. He began shaking his head, “You can’t-”

“Yes. Yes, I can, Saddiq. Rosita needs you.” The baby needs you, especially in this world. “You have to tell Daryl that none of this was his fault. I know him, he’s going to blame himself and pull away.”

You licked your lips, feeling the dryness and small cracks in the skin. Maybe it was selfish to ask that of him, but it was the only thing you could think of in the moment. You didn’t want your last moments to be thinking of how Daryl will pull away, like he always did when he lost someone. He wouldn’t have you to help him out of it. “Tell him I wouldn't blame him for anything that happened tonight. Please, Saddiq. Please promise me. Just…make sure he’s not so hard on himself. Please-”

A gunshot rang out, followed by your screams. You fell onto your side, blood oozing from the wound on your shoulder. Saddiq’s head swung to where the bullet had come from, Alpha walking back in, handing the gun to Beta as he followed her. Whatever conversation they had had outside left Alpha fuming.

Another scream ripped through your throat when Alpha brought her foot up, putting weight on your open wound. “Why are you so willing to die for him?” She seethed.

“‘Cause that’s what you do for family, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” Angry tears welled in your eyes as you stared up at her from the weird angle.

Your next words were directed to Saddiq, as if you knew what was going to happen next. “ Tell Daryl I love him.”

It all happened so quick. Alpha leaned down, her other hand holding a knife as it dragged across the soft skin of your neck. Your hands fought to move to the blood flowing out of your neck, but were bound behind you. Your mouth moved like a fish out of water, until blood coated the inside of your mouth, painting your teeth red.

Saddiq watched the life drain from your eyes, his brain blank. He felt numb. Alpha walked back over to him, leaning down to whisper in his ear. Before he knew it, everything went black.

“-She wanted you to know that she loved you. I could tell she did. I’m sorry it's not her standing in front of you.” Daryl didn’t reply, much like how he hadn’t uttered a word since Saddiq began talking about you, about your last moment. He walked away, leaving a teary-eyed Saddiq.

The wind was chilly as Daryl and Lydia walked up the hill to where Daryl felt the word stop. The spikes still stood, a reminder that that was Alpha’s territory now.

Darl looked away from Lydia as she kneeled in front of the spike, where Henry’s head had been. He let her have a moment.

“She’s just a kid.” Your voice rang out in his head, a reminder that she was a kid, dealing with the loss of someone who she cared for and who cared for her. Sounds familiar.

His eyes caught sight of the familiar spike, glaring at it with all the hatred in his heart. Blood had soaked in and dried to the wood. Your blood.

He hated the world even more. He hated Alpha, Beta, the fucking whisperers, and the wanted to hate you for being so selfless, but he couldnt get himself to. Most of all, he hated himself for going against your last wish. The guilt would eat him from the inside out and he would let it.

He felt like he deserved it.

•2021-2024 by xoxo-sarah on Tumblr•

•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [I don't give permission!]

People who wanted to be tagged: @vaniniweenie @sassysebastian20

[indigovigilance]

When They Became Their Own Side

Can I just say that gif-clipping the scenes to make this meta broke my heart all over again so good job JF, NG, MS & DT.

Anyways.

I'm going to discuss the major contenders for "the scene in which Aziraphale and Crowley became their own side," and then tell you when I think it happened, below the cut:

Identifying the Third Side

By the time you clicked "Keep reading" you probably had a scene in mind. I'm going to predict it was this:

Which is an extremely strong contender, though frankly this entire scene is filled with character-trajectory changing lines (Satan bless you JF), so I'll take it as within-error-limits if you picked anything immediately adjacent to this.

The reasoning behind it is solid: Aziraphale knows, on a spiritual level, that he is not on Heaven's team anymore. He fully expects to go to Hell. He's ready.

But he finds out that he's not going to Hell. Despite Crawley's statement that nothing has to change, we know that everything has changed for Aziraphale. Neither truly a part of Heaven nor or Hell, he now knows that he occupies the liminal third space, a realm that has been home to Crawley for quite some time. Yes, it is lonely, but maybe a little less lonely than it was before, or would have been; where once there was only one, now there are two. By the end of this scene, they both know that they are on the same side, a third side, and the pain of separation that entails. But being and knowing are different things, and I would argue that Aziraphale was on Crowley's side before he realized it, which means we have to go further back.

The Revelation of Confluence

Maybe you thought of this:

...and this scene is a great choice, because as of this moment Aziraphale knows (and Crowley knows he knows) that they have a confluence of goals and morals. Every action in the rest of Book of Job is based on the common understanding and trust relationship they establish in this scene. But again, did they need to know that they were on the same side to be on the same side? Their moral compasses would still have aligned and they would still be working for common purpose even if Aziraphale had not uncovered the ruse. I would still say we could go further back.

Establishing Loyalty

Perhaps, trying to beat me to the punch, you went back so far that you went off the page, so to speak, to Before the Beginning:

A rare but solid choice, and entirely defensible. Aziraphale has just met Crowley and rather than ratting him out or letting him face the very just and deserved consequences that the Almighty would exact upon such a divergent, free-thinking celestial, Aziraphale gives him advice to keep him safe. He is protecting the Starmaker from Heaven, which seems to put him on the Starmaker's side in opposition to Heaven. Aziraphale's first loyalty is to his principles, stretching his proverbial wing over the Starmaker to shield him from the reign of the Almighty, and no, that wasn't a spelling mistake. We see as well that the Starmaker, quite explicitly, puts his principles first. In this way the two are similarly defective (in the sense that they are defectors), but their principles don't strictly overlap here. Neither of them are fully on Heaven's side, but it would be a stretch to say that they are on the same side.

More importantly, the Starmaker isn't really on anyone's side; the Starmaker doesn't even seem to be aware that there are sides! Just a project that would benefit from some suggestions, a fresh point of view. So they certainly aren't on Aziraphale's side. But the fact that Aziraphale has tried to protect them is important, and I will reference it later, so hang onto that thought.

Forming Trust

Maybe you're a real dreamer, and your beautiful brain lighted upon this scene:

Absolutely brilliant, tumblrite, because Aziraphale isn't even going to tell God that he gave away the flaming sword to a pregnant girl, in fact he'll lie about it to every angel he encounters until the end of days.

But he told Crawley.

Aziraphale puts his fate in this demon's hands when he shares this; after all, what's to stop the serpent of Eden from ratting him out and getting him into Big Trouble? But the thought that Crawley might betray him never seems to occur to Aziraphale, and it seems that his trust is well-placed, because as we know, Crawley will never betray this confidence.

Taken in combination with Before the Beginning, Aziraphale has both kept secrets for the Starmaker and entrusted Crawley with his own secret. This bilateral trust bond is the foundation that "our side" will be built upon.

Nonetheless, up on that wall, Aziraphale still wonders if he's done the right thing, and takes reassurance that yes, being an angel and doing the right thing go hand in hand. After this, Aziraphale will continue to make choices that betray his principles, opting to instead follow the Will of God (see: the Flood). He is on Heaven's side, and whatever Crawley may be, it isn't that.

I think we can safely say that as of this moment, Crawley (besides being head over heels in love), who is already on his own side, is ready to welcome Aziraphale into that space with him, but that Aziraphale isn't taking him up on the invitation yet.

So while it's true that they have a unique bond as of this scene, it still isn't a side.

When Aziraphale accepts the invitation to the Third Side

Sure, Crowley has been on Aziraphale's side since the moment he invented heart eyes in the Garden of Eden, but Aziraphale didn't join Crowley's side until this exact moment:

We were all a little too busy being pissed at Gabriel for this line to realize that he single-handedly brought together the greatest power couple above or below the Earth.

We are simply not stopping Hell.

What they do is up to them.

Aziraphale has exhausted all his options appealing to Heaven to save Job's children, and in this moment, he realizes (because Gabriel tells him directly) that if he wants to save them, he's going to have to go behind Heaven's back to do it.

Crawley and Aziraphale aren't even in the same room. But Aziraphale, at this moment, has turned his back on Heaven and joined Crawley's team.

Crawley just doesn't know it yet.

But Aziraphale is about to go down there and tell him:

A few other meta-analysts have written on the topic of equivocation: communicating in deliberately ambiguous ways so that the person across from you understands your meaning and any unseen spectators do not. (I personally learned this term from @cobragardens, in this meta, and @ao3cassandraic's discussion of kayfabe is a closely related topic)

We should interpret the ensuing scene (which deserves a meta all its own, like this one by @majortomyourcurcuitsdead) through that lens. "You don't have to" and "I know you" are all, on their face, harmless statements, but are all equivocation for:

We are on the same side.

Crowley is understandably wary, and isn't about to let Aziraphale know that he's been clocked. But whatever pretense that he was maintaining dissolves right about here:

Circling back to the top, yes, this is the moment that they each know they know. But knowing that they were on the same side was not a necessary condition of being on the same side. Aziraphale, when he made the decision that any further appeal to Heaven was futile, and that he must appeal instead to Crawley for mercy, had already jumped into the liminal with both feet.

Crawley will try to deny it, but they both know what's up:

In Summary

This distinction may not be important, but the theme of sides is so strong that this felt like a topic worth exploring.

The argument that Aziraphale enters and exits the third team is also a very defensible one; he will denounce and then rejoin Crowley across the millennia to come. But the first time he makes the decision that he will work with Crawley to collude against Heaven and Hell occurs at the very moment when Gabriel tells him that that is the only remaining option if he wants to do the right thing.

Which raises the question: was offering Satan a contract to terrorize Job, assigning a morally ambiguous demon to execute it, and sending in a renegade angel to thwart it all part of the Ineffable Plan?

I'll let you decide.

[crazy-pages]

I am still not over the changes my ADHD meds have made. This is such a simple and silly thing, but I get confused now when I start a podcast back up. I often have to rewind a bit to figure out what they were talking about. Because every single incompleted thing in my life isn't stuck bouncing around in short-term storage. Podcast.exe was not put into sleep mode where it still consumes 5% RAM and 3% CPU power, it was *shut down.* And I don't have to burn half of my CPU and RAM at all times keeping track of all my sleeping processes and making sure that when one of them randomly takes the lead again I can notice and bounce back to the thing I actually want to be my primary process. Because my head is not filled with secondary processes bouncing around all the time!

And what's more, stuff actually gets encoded to long-term memory when I shut stuff down! It's not perfect (though I don't think it is for anybody), but not only can I remember all the things I need to do it at work this Monday, I can actually remember that I wrote down a list of what I need to do and check it, rather than my brain lumping on to whatever thing immediately grabs my attention when I sit down and killing CheckTaskList.exe. (Because it's not that my brain didn't shutdown tasks ever, it's that it simply dropped tasks when I ran out of working memory and didn't commit them to long-term storage).

Gods, like ... I still have to sew these buttons back on to a couple of my clothes which I haven't done for months. But it used to be that the reminder to do that was bouncing around in my head a good 30% of the time I was existing, and it simply never became a primary process while I was in a position to do anything about it. But I just didn't think of it this weekend. But it's still there, if I choose to think to myself about things I need to do, it comes up!

And I still need to learn to work with that. I've got to train myself to set up regularly scheduled time during intervals when I've got energy to get stuff done, then bring up that list of things I need to do and do some stuff on it. As opposed to what I was doing before, which was letting whatever third of my to-do list was occupying my brain at any given time run (as if I could stop it) and making an effort to fix high priority things that came up when I was in a position to do them even if I was exhausted, I'm doing my best to handle the low priority stuff if it came up when I had spare energy. Which I rarely did, because see above.

It's wild, even on days when I don't take my meds (my psychiatrist told me that at higher doses skipping a day every once in awhile can help prevent tolerance buildup) it's still not even the same world I was living in before. Because half the problem wasn't that had all these background processes running around, it's that the strain of managing it at all times didn't even leave enough energy for the wrangling program which takes up half my CPU and half my RAM! I was burnt out just on existing. But now if I don't take my meds on a lazy Saturday, sure my attention wanders and I pick up new threads that occupy brain space. But I'm not dealing with last week's threads as well, and I actually have the energy to manage them.

It made an immediate difference when I first took my meds at a high enough dosage, because obviously being able to actually manage mental threads helps. But it doesn't make as much of a difference to go off my meds if it's for just a day, because my ADHD is at least managable if I have the mental energy which ADHD previously denied me.

Just because Podcast.exe hasn't been buzzing about chewing on a fraction of my resources since the last time I listened three days ago.

It's amazing.

[starheirxero]

I JUST WATCHED THE TRIPLE LORE-

OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD.

I AM FLABBERGASTED- I AM SHOOKETH-

I AM CURRENTLY ACENDING INTO THE HEAVENS ABOVE-

I CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH, HOW MUCH I ADORE TRAGEDIES AND HEAVY ANGST- I LOVE, SEEING THE CHARACTERS FALL APART. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM LOSE THEMSELVES. I LOVE WATCHING, AS THEY LOOK INTO THE MIRROR, UNABLE TO REGOGNIZE THEMSELVES. I LOVE SEEING THEM LOSE THEIR MORALITY. I LOVE, SEEING CHARACTERS BREAK. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM SUFFER AND CHANGE THROUGH IT. EVERY DAMN STORY MADE UP IN MY HEAD TURNS INTO A TRAGEDY-

I AM ON MY KNEES- I AM BLESSED, MY HEART HAS BEEN TORN INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES-

THIS WAS SO CHILLING, IN SO MANY GREAT WAYS.

MOON HAS COMPLETELY LOST HIMSELF. THE CHILL THAT WENT DOWN MY SPINE!!

THE WAY HE JUST STOPPED, REALIZING THAT HE DOESN'T CARE, THAT HE LOST EVERY BIT OF CARE HE HAS FOR EARTH-

EVEN MORE SO??? HE BURNED HER. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE SHOWING SIGNS OF PAIN, SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE CRUMBLING.

RUIN WAS FINE. BLOODMOON KEPT SPOUTING AND CACKLING.

EARTH WAS THE ONLY ONE HURT. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE AFFECTED-

HER ENTIRE LEFT SIDE HURTS WITH EVERY MOVEMENT! This is so fucked up, oh god… OH GOD-

Moon's entire existence revolved around his family, and now? He almost killed his sister. He didn't even care. Quite literally just told her "Oh well"!

Even though he aimed to kill Bloodmoon, she's the injured one… God, I can't even describe, how much this fucks me up…

To be honest? A part of me wants these burns to be permanent. A consequence and reminder of Moon's action. A physical reminder, why he will never be forgiven, and him and Earth will never be close again.

And a part of me hopes, it turns Earth colder. That it becomes something, that changes her. After all, this was her brother. A person, she trusted dearly. And now? She sees him the same way as she does her father. Something that he acknowledged, but yelled at her for.

And now? He's occupying some place in space, though the question would be: how long? Last time someone floated in the void, Dark Sun swept him up and put something devastating in his head.

AND OH GOD, BLOODMOON'S DEAD- HE WAS DISINTEGRATED ATOM BY ATOM-

EVEN WORSE?? I THINK, HE WANTED THIS. HE KEPT TELLING THEM TO DO IT, MOCKING THEM, PROVOCATING. MAYBE HE WANTED THEM TO KILL HIM, SO HE CAN BE WITH HIS BROTHER AGAIN. MAYBE, LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING WITHOUT A WEIGHT AND VOICE INSIDE HIS HEAD-

There were in general so many things that were said about the twins, about the way they work. Ruin never created them with bloodlust. It was never part of their programming to begin with.

Did their old selves have it at all? Was it so deep in their code, that it was invisible to anyone else? Or was their something else driving them this entire time?

And what made the new version so bloodthirsty? Was it simple enjoyment? Was it their memories?

Speaking of which- RUIN IS FUCKING BACK- HE IS A FREE MAN ONCE MORE!!!

I am so damn excited what his journey will lead to- He's such a fascinating character!!

You've already pointed it out, but the way he tried to comfort Earth is so interesting! It seems that Eclipses flock to her, in some way!

And of course, Puppet. Oh god, Puppet. They used up all their magic, to the point of a breakdown…

All of this seems so convenient. All of this feels odd, as pointed out by Ruin and Puppet both.

Could this all be part of Dark Sun's scheme?

Furthermore, could he be the reason, Moon snapped? Could he have planned it?

There's so many questions rotating in my brain!!

I am sticking with it as my favorite arc-

-Stardust

YEHAYSUAYHAHAYAYAYA!!!!!!! I'M A FEW DAYS LATE TO THIS SO NOW THERE'S EVEN MORE TRAGEDY NOT MENTIONED IN UR ASK BUT [SHAKES YOU] ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!

there is SO MANY LEVELS OF WILDLY FASCINATING AND HEARTBREAKING BEING PRESENTED HEREEEE!!!!!! EVERYTHING'S IN SHAMBLES. EVERYONE'S HURT TO SOME DEGREE. THINGS JUST KEEP TUMBLING MORE AND MORE DOWNHILL AND IM SO EUWBSIHAHAHAAAAAAA IM SO YAY YAY YAY YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!!!

YYEHSYEGS MOON BURNED EARTG!!!!! I'M STILL NOT OVER THAT. HE HURT HER THE WORST!!! AND YEHSYEYYSS GHOOOODDD I KNOW THEY PROBABKLY WON'T WORK IT INTI THE MODEL BUT EARTH WITH BURN SCARS FOREVER AFTERWARDS PLEEEEAASSSSEEEEEEE

AND MOON NOW YEAH. THAT'S SO WILD TO ME HE JUST GOT STRAIGHT UP BANISHED. AND UR PREDICTION WAS SPOT ON DARK SUN IMMEDIATELY GIT HIS HANDS IN HIM..... TOOK SOMETHING OUT TOO IM SO AHSJSBDJSN

AND GHOD YEAH BLOOSMOON IS JUST. DEAD NOW. FOR REALS. It all happened so fast I can't EVENNN. HONESTLY I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING THO, HE SEEMED DESPERATE FOR A FIGHT, TO BE KILLED. I 100% also attributed it to him not knowing how to function with his twin and just deciding to go full recklessness. AND WHAT RUIN DROPPED ABT HIS CODE OMS YEAH.

I won't lie it's both kind of hilarious 2 me to me that Bloodmoon 2.0 just decided that being a murderer is fun as shit, but also kind of a relief bc it explains a LOT. Or, well, like. One detail but STILL SKABDJDM

The way I heard it, Ruin was basically going "yea the og had the kill code but I couldn't get my hands on that, so I just did the next best thing, but it's entirely up to them to actually obey it." yk?? Which!!! Is a solid explanation for why OG Bloodmoon expressed frustration with his code before he died, but why Bloodmoon 2.0 had no issues with it. because they were doing that shit for funsies HEJHAJDHS

AND RUIN AND PUPPET YAYAYAYYA I'm so wildly fascinated by their short interaction + I am so intrigued to see what'll happen to them!!!! Dark Sun's involvement in everything has me terribly fascinated and I can't wait to see every thread he may or may not be pulling. its justqhaAHSJAHSJ ITS ALL SO EXCITINGGGG WEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[gh0st-eaterr]

4, 13, 18 for the (one or more) sylvari occupying your brainspace lately

(my main three are always rotating in my brain like rotisserie chicken, so wheeee)

popping this under the cut because this will be Long(tm)

Will be answering for my sylvari Abhartach (Av), Oiliphéist (Ophie), and Rhynn

4. How was their awakening? Did something particular happen? What's their first memory?

None of them had particularly eventful awakenings as such, though Av distinctly recalls coming-to and going 'Hm. Body does not match gender, the fuck's up with that?' lmfao.

Ophie is/was a Valiant, i.e 'has a Wyld Hunt', so for him awakening was mostly just...disorienting. 'What do you MEAN I have bullshit responsibilities already, I crawled into this world an hour ago!'

Rhynn remembers the first hours of his awakening and realizing that he...fundamentally had no ability to empathetically connect to other sylvari. A lot of sylvari have this uncanny ability to get a read on each other pretty well, perceive emotions a lot more readily through a shared connection to the Dream -- Rhynn didn't have this. If you asked him nowadays, he'd also tell you he doesn't remember what he dreamt, either.

13. How do they feel about death? Does it make them curious or scared? Do they wish to understand it or do they simply accept it?

Av has a...very complicated relationship with the concept of death -- not even because he's a scholar of necromancy. He's been alive for some 24 years, and dealt with a lot of shit; death, for him, used to feel like it would be a matter of 'sooner rather than later'. Now, years after making a pact of protection with a lesser deity of Grenth himself, he's afraid of not being able to die. He's functionally immortal. There were some...oversights, when that pact was made.

Ophie accepts death for what it is; if it's his time, it's his time, so long as he goes out swinging. It's something he made peace with a long time ago, after he managed to escape the Nightmare Court; if fighting back against them becomes his end, then he takes solace in the fact he went out fighting the good fight. He's had a few close-calls in the past, but the fear wasn't dying as such, it was more 'I'm not done here, yet'.

Rhynn's the sort of egotistical maniac who hasn't really given much pause to the idea of death -- he's under (wrongful) assumption that nothing could match him, let alone best him. With the backing of some of the worst kinds of power the Nightmare has to offer, he thinks of himself as nothing short of a god. There's no curiosity or fear of it, nor understanding or acceptance -- he denies death as something that can (and will) happen to him.

18. [Free space for 3 pieces of trivia about your sylvari!]

Av

He's Soundless, and takes far more solace in revering the human gods than the Tenets of Ventari and the Pale Tree...if you could call his attitude towards the gods 'reverence', even. Dream or Nightmare, he sees both sides as the same set of shackles that people cling to far too much.

He's left-handed! Though dependent on the task, he's just as capable with his right hand as the left. Can only really write with his left hand, though.

Adores cats. He has a sylvan cat by the name of 'Missy', short for Mischief. She's a sylvan cat specifically because he's very allergic to regular cats.

Ophie

He's one of a rare number of people born (or, I guess awoke) without an innate ability to use magic. At all. Which is especially strange and rare for a sylvari, whose entire being is practically saturated in magic. (In our canon we call it being 'Null' or 'null of magic'). It causes Problems.

He did actually used to be in the Nightmare Court. Canon says once you go to the NC there's no coming back, homebrew canon says 'nah' to that notion. Current hypotheses on how this is actually possible boil down to 'being a valiant' or the aforementioned 'utterly fucked and nonexistent connection to magic' making this less of a dire issue.

He's an environmental 'subtype' of sylvari that makes him particularly inclined to wetlands environments. He can hold his breath for a damn long time underwater.

Rhynn

He's something we've dubbed a 'Nightmare aspect holder' -- he embodies a particular facet of the Nightmare itself. Not unlike how Kryptis can be facets/aspects of emotions. Though, we came up with this well before we knew SotO would be a thing (by about a year or two).

He's also something we've dubbed as a 'Shade' -- a particular attunement to shadow magick. It's my take on the Specter class ingame.

(And now for something completely different!) For some reason, my brain decided he's a violinist. Couldn't tell you why, maybe it's that thing of 'asshole villain plays violin' or whatever.

[pluvio-et-luna]

to the love and light of my life.

my cooper. my sweet little baby cooper.

it has been exactly a week since you breathed your last. my cooper. i am devastated beyond words. the pain in my heart indescribable. words of love and comfort came pouring in once i told our loved ones. but my cooper... it's so difficult to make sense of all these thoughts and emotions that have occupied my already chaotic mind and heart. so i turn to writing. as i have always done. for myself and for you. this honestly might not be as good as how i used to write. i know this would reflect how my brain is right now. all over the place. but i know you'll be able to read all of this. after all, you are such a smart boy.

---

"good morning, world! good morning, sun. good morning, sky. good morning, clouds. good morning, birds..."

our morning routine. i would carry you and look outside the front door while greeting everything in this world. when it wasn't so hot and if i had extra time to spare, we would go to the garden and i would let you smell the leaves and say hello to the ants and other insects. sometimes i would let you peer through the gate for a bit. your little head perfectly fitting between the metal railings. we would stay indoors on rainy days but we'd say hello to the world just the same. or sometimes we don't because it's too cold and it's so good to stay in bed with you. my cooper... i have always dreaded mornings. i hate waking up, i didn't want another day to start. but you made every waking moment worth it. my i love greeting each day with you. but this time, the morning rays won't find us both by the door anymore. do you think the birds perched on top of the trees miss us? do you think the wind is wondering why it doesn't carry our voices anymore? do you think the leaves are waiting for you to sniff them again? cooper, i don't think i could greet them any time soon. not by myself. not without you.

there is a flame in my heart that i am trying to put out. cooper, how should i feel when they say that you are in a "better place" now? i know it's just me being in denial that you are gone, refusing to accept that you will no longer be beside me. this was your place. this home is your place. it will always be. you filled every corner of this house with traces of you that it would be impossible to not break down when i peeked at those spaces without you there. i want to scream at the heavens because it angers me that they decided your time with us was up. i am so desperate to cling on to every bit of you that was left here. it's so unfair. i did everything that i can. we all did. i wanted more years with you. more seconds. more minutes. more days. a lifetime. i still need you, my cooper. we still need you. but. i also know that it would be unfair to you if you had to suffer more.

so, my cooper. it's okay. i will be okay. i could endure a lifetime of grief if that would mean that you would not feel any pain anymore. i will learn to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and find the others that have gone elsewhere. it might take some time but i will get there. i will plant a garden in my heart just like the one we have at home. our memories and moments will be planted in that garden. 10 years worth of memories. from the day we got you, so tiny and lovely and kulit. to the nights you would stay up late with me into the wee hours of the morning, as a student, as a professional, and as a human being with an unhealthy sleeping patterns. to the moments i was alone at home but i was never really alone because you would keep me company. to my darkest moments, through losses and heartaches. to my brightest moments, such as when i graduated, when i passed the board exams, and whenever i got accepted into a new workplace. you were there to wipe every sad teardrop with your kisses and you were there to melt into my hugs to celebrate. you were always there. you might be gone physically now but i know you will always be there to watch over me and go through all the moments still.

years ago, i made a piece for my tumblr account inspired by Chella Man and MaryV Benoit. i asked my friends to describe love as the 5 senses. i cannot remember if i even answered that myself. maybe this is my chance. you are the embodiment of love, my kupi. but if i had to describe love as a sound, it would be the sound of your bark that resonated within the house, the sound of you whimpering as you did a good scratch on your ears, the sigh you let out when satisfied or when you want to be judge us, the little grunts make waking up as you stretched, and the cute and precious sounds you made when you melted into my arms for a hug. as a touch it would be me feeling you snuggle beside my body and into the nooks and crannies of the bed, it would be feeling your soft fur when i hug or pet you, and it would be the kisses you would plant to my face. it would also the sound of you scratching at the door to be let in. it is also the scratches you would leave on my arms and legs when you ask to be carried or when you are just being so likot when you are excited. as a sight it would be your brown eyes which are so full of love, kindness, and curiosity. it would also be seeing you run around, dance, and play. it would be seeing you run or walk to us whenever we call your name. it would be seeing you do the "i love you" pose to us whenever and wherever. it would be you waiting at the door for me after coming home from work. as a smell it would be your good stink that i would so gladly sniff, the smell of your fritos paws, the smell of shampoo when you're done taking a bath at home or from your grooming session, the smell of the very first time you farted while i was carrying you (it smelled of chicken), and your smell that is left on your clothes after you wear you.

the past months made me realize that love could also look and feel a little different than what we are used to. love is the feeling of my tears rolling down my cheeks every time doc trisha showed me the results of your xrays. love is preparing your food and medicine even when we both get frustrated, me because you would refuse it sometimes and you because you hated the sight and smell of it. love is my hand smelling of your food and medicine because sometimes the only way that you'd let me was to have it fed to you with my hand. love is you giving in and letting yahku give you your meds even if you hated it. love is staying up late to wait for an update because i was utterly worried for you during that one night you had to be confined. it was the first time in 10 years. love is falling asleep seated at the sofa while i try to distract and calm myself down until i fell asleep at 3am. love is the sight of you giving all your strength to sit up to look at me and nuzzle your face into my palm when i visited you during my break time. love is me not caring if i paid 100 php to the trike because i didn't have any loose change with me. i was frantic during the short trike ride which felt like forever. i needed to get to you as fast as i can. love is you waiting for all of us to be together with you. love is you hearing how pogi and cute you are in between the sobs of "i love you"s and asking you to hold on. love is hoping that you would make it and then we'd go home as we always did. love is so painful. love is clifford nudging my arm and looking at me then to you as if to tell me to wake you up. love is me contacting the crematorium for the nth time this years even if it pains me even more because it's for you this time. i never imagined it and i never wanted to. love is driving you there using Inno, your car. love is breaking down because you weren't there to ask for a french fry after we bought mcdo on the way home. we didn't even touch the fries and other food because we were heartbroken. love is breaking down into tears every night and at any random moment. but love is learning to accept that i would have to live life without you here.

someday, i would be able to look at the places you've stayed in even if you're physically gone now. i would be able to scroll through the pictures and videos i have of you without the feeling of being punched in the gut. i would be able to share your memories with my friends fondly. i know we'd all gush over you, like people always do when they see you. then one day, maybe i could greet the mornings with much love as i did with you. maybe i could hold on to the hope that the birds, the butterflies, and the wind could carry my words towards the heaven and reach you. i hope we could spend another lifetime together, napi. i would find you or maybe you could find me, we'd come running towards each other, and then we can live life together again. no matter how it ends. i will always choose to meet you again and spend another 10 years or more with you. from the brightest to the darkest times and all the moments in between.

mahal na mahal kita, bebi babi kupi ko. achi will always do. i'll see you soon, bebi napi kupi.

[ev-bell-logbook]

M. Chekov // Acting Skills // Sem 1 // Week 1

03/10/24

We started the session with a discussion and warm-up to get our brains and bodies settled after lunchtime. We looked at four exercises in the first half of the session.

Look at me - To overcome a human's worst fear - being looked at. Chekov believes that connection and awareness are the key to acting. As human beings we naturally cower away from being looked at but love to be on stage an perform. We got into partners and just looked at each other to get a sense for each other. We stared into their eyes, then we stared at their whole selves. Then we had to turn back to back and change three things about ourself to see if the other person noticed. This got us comfortable, and made as feel good when the other person noticed things about us (and vice versa).

Word association/unassociation - Simple word association game where you say the first word that pops into your head relating to the thing whatever you partner says. You go back and forth, some go full circle, some end up on completely different tangents. Then you can flip it and try and say something completely unrelated. The diffculty in this comes from trying to stop our brain from planning our next word, but as going against how we naturally think - by association.

Then we moved looked at some handouts on Chekov's guiding principles, and terms. Chekov's approach to acting is a psychophysical one. The body and the brain are one system entangled in one another and must work together for performance. He believes the means of expression are intangible. Actors must concentrate and become present in the scene to create atmosphere. One of his techniques, radiating, is key for this principle. The third principle is about creative spirit and higher intellect. Acting is spiritual (not religious or metaphysical) and connected to the unconscious imagination and ability to synthesise a role from ourselves and have less of an analytical approach. Chekov's technique is a whole creative state. As each component of the technique is practiced they work together to unlock all of Chekov's techniques at once. The final principle is artistic freedom. If one component of the technique doesn't work for you, you don't have to use it. Chose the techniques you have the strongest connection with and the other aspects will follow.

We then worked did some walking exercises to work on Chekov's techniques. We did a walking body scan to become aware of our body and the space we were in. We visualised that we were covered in 1000 eyes and those eyes could see every part of the room. This brought our attention into the space as well and really heightened spacial awareness. We took a moment to work on the 'imaginary body.' This technique says that in the same space we occupy with our physical bodies, there exists another body that you have created in your imagination that is boundless. We had to visualise our inner body raising it's arm, then let our physical body move when it felt right. We experimented with this a lot. One of the most interesting experiments was trying to go against our inner body. I felt that when my inner body was walking forward and I turned around to walk the other way it felt as though I was choking. The last walking exercise we did was to use our inner body to walk from one side of the room to the other, but then also imagine the whole of human history behind us. This exercise made me feel really emotional as I imagined a line of pure light faceless figures walking behind me with their hands on my shoulder.

Another of Chekov's techniques that we worked on was radiating and receiving. To radiate is to give/send out. We send out our energy. To receive means to draw oneself with the utmost inner power the things, persons, or events of the situation. You receive everything your scene partner(s)/audience radiate. Chekov believes that true acting is a constant focused exchange of the two. To practice this we lined ourselves opposite each other and tried to radiate one at a time to the people opposite us. Another way we practiced this was by enlarging and constricting. This practice worked hand-in-hand with our boundless inner body as well.

[cinnaminsvga]

i'm with that anon. also been here a little before tlhc. and i don't participate in fandoms at all anymore. on here i go mia sometimes (sometimes i just want to wipe it clean of any posts but i've had this account for 10 years way too much effort. and i'm way to attached to delete it.) i'm not really drawn to anything or anyone anymore besides bts and even then it's not in a way where im like fully surrounded and immersed i don't consume everything put out by them either. dare i say it's healthy now. but i'm also not into anything else so ??? eventually i won't even post anymore (i'm going longer and longer without posting between when i do.) omg is this what being normal is?! (i just don't want to post at all in general. i don't use social media in general mental health has been thriving since. one day i'm going to delete twitter and insta too but theyre personal and inactive accounts they don't count. but when i think of deleting tumblr or anything on it, i get an anxiety attack lmfao. and it's also how i've "kept up" with bts even when i don't post. tumblr has always been my safe place)

but i do and will still come back for you (why i also follow yoobie.) it was always more than the writing (parasocial mind your business) it's always been a comfortable safe place with you? and i don't know. they're right it feels homey. you feel like that one friend that i think about sometimes and you just hope they're always happy and doing whatever they want and living their best life. and i want nothing more for you than for you to be happy and successful in whatever makes you feel that way. when i think of you i remember you fondly and your self projection stories fondly. when i talked to you. you were always sweet. also you were kind of a big account but it never felt that way even when you were super active. it felt like a little get together of small group of people just vibing to the same stuff when you'd answer asks or post

but as for your writing i don't read fanfics anymore either haven't in years but if you ever post anything i'm RUNNING it doesn't even have to be fanfics i don't have to be a fan of whatever you write a fic of or for or if you ever decided to do like a random non fanfic story id read it too. i'll come running every time. (no pressure just know you always have my support.)

THE WAAAAY I ACTUALLY SNIFFLED WHILE READING THIS ;w;

it's just... so wild to me?? that i exist in your mind?? pardon me for sounding like a broken record but i just can't understand how i occupy any sort of space in your brain even though i'm just a stranger... like YES i kinda do be acting parasocial with my followers sometimes but it's still so??? I HAVE NO WORDS I'VE BEEN STARING AT THIS ASK FOR LIKE 8 HOURS NOW AND IDK HOW TO RESPOND BC I'M JUST OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTION ;w;

it's messages like these that really stop me from deleting this blog, truly. like i've debated deleting all my social medias for so long now but like you, i feel this sort of?? anxiety?? call me an old sap or wtvr, but the time i spent here were genuinely my fondest memories of my late teens to early adulthood. it isn't even an overexaggeration to say that i've become better as a person bc of all the interactions and relationships i've made on here!! and the idea that somehow, my presence has also extended into being this safe and familiar place for some of you really just makes me incredibly thankful 🥲

so as much as i have been less active on this site, i don't think i'll ever truly leave for good. i'll always be around to shout and scream about shit (both figuratively and literally) but maybe just not as frequently as i once did. and i hope in the future, some of you can still come by around my place and shoot a small hello :D

[d0llhousess]

⇢ fandom: daiya no ace ⇢ pairing: miyuki kazuya  x f!reader ⇢ genre: angst ⇢ warning/tags: exes to friends to lovers, so much angst it’s ridiculous, angst w/ hopeful ending, mild language, pining, coffeeshop!au basically, pro player!miyuki 

⇢ summary: you met him at the wrong time of your life, yet fate has awarded you a second chance to fall in love with him once again. ⇢ word count: approx. 3k 

⇢ a/n: let me tell you, being hit with a massive wave of insecurity about your writing through the week you post the most is not fun but like yooo here we are. This is Day 3, and I hope you enjoy it! I’m not too happy with how this came out, but I do hope it reads well for you guys.

⤆ Back to Week of Fic’s Masterlist

It’s hard to recall the moment you first fell in love with Miyuki Kazuya. 

You were young, in your teens, navigating through highschool in the best way possible. He was just a mutual friend of yours; someone to just say ‘hey’ to  when you spoke to Kuramochi. You couldn’t quite remember what led to the two of you hanging out more and eventually going on a few dates, but you clearly remembered the emotions he elicited from you. 

Being with him made all your problems fade to the background, it made you feel, believe, that you were on top of the world. Being in love with Miyuki Kazuya was an experience like no other. Yet, you weren’t his first love. You didn’t hold his heart like he did yours, and eventually the dates faded. He stopped making time for you, and you stopped pushing to be a part of his life. In hindsight, your issues could’ve been resolved with a simple conversation, but both of you were young.  

So, instead of soft words explaining how neglected you felt, your feelings exploded into hurtful, sharp phrases that led to the demise of your relationship. Gone were the lingering touches in the hallways, the soft good luck kisses before a game, the playful teasing remarks between the two of you. He’d faded into a stranger, and when the both of you graduated high school, you stopped seeing him all together. 

There were nights you would replay your relationship in your mind, you would linger on your regret of never mending the bridge between the two of you, because him leaving your life left a slight hole in your heart. Yet, the loudest part in your brain never failed to remind you that communication was a two way street, and that if he truly loved you, he would’ve fought for your relationship. 

But that loud part of your brain didn’t stop you from scrolling though his Instagram feed in the late hours of the night. It didn’t stop you from lingering on the sports article that covered him going pro, and it definitely did not stop you from sinking into a deep funk when news broke of his engagement. 

If you were honest, you felt a bit pathetic. You were still hung up on your highschool sweetheart, and he was about to get married.     

Honestly, how pitiful could you get? 

So, instead of holding onto your dead relationship, you allowed yourself to relive the emotions the relationship elicited out of you. You allowed yourself to come to the terms that while Miyuki was terrible at communication, you were too. 

You both were too young, too immature,  for the seriousness of your relationship, and that was okay. It was okay that things didn’t work out. Sure, lighting doesn't strike twice in the same place, but you were too young to even realize that lighting had struck.  It was okay to have regrets because that’s how life was. It was rare to have the perfect conclusion to, well, anything, and with that realization you were finally able to move on. 

As the years passed, you chased your passions. You attended culinary school, and graduated which eventually led to you opening your own local cafe. It wasn’t much, but it was your own warm little abode that you’d built from the ground up. It was a physical representation of your hard work, and you couldn't be more proud of it. 

Through those years, you didn’t think much about Miyuki. You didn’t scroll through his feed for updates. When you saw a sport’s article with his name in bold letters, you’d turn away from it. He was a person of your past, and you were content with that. You didn’t need to know how he was doing, what he was up to, because you were over him. 

Well you were over him until he walked into your coffee shop. 

It was a normal winter day. The city streets have been recently plowed because of frequent snowfall; the air was bitingly cold, yet the warmth of your cafe brought in a decent amount of customers who couldn’t wait to get their daily fix of caffeine or sweet treat. 

Your mind had been occupied with getting each customer served, that when you heard the familiar chime of the front door’s bell, you only called out a light greeting, not looking up from the cash register as you logged in the current customer’s order. Yet, when you lifted your head, mouth parting to recite your practiced greeting to the next customer, you felt the words die on your tongue. 

Your eyes widened, gaze locking with bright amber eyes that you’d only seen in pictures over the past few years. Your heart speeds up in your chest, and it takes everything in you to still your shaking hands. Never in your life did you expect for him to waltz into your coffee shop, fixing you with that crooked smirk that always seems to make your thoughts stutter. 

You blink once, then twice, before you allow a professional smile to spread onto your face. 

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” You greeted, head tilting as you hoped  that he didn’t notice the way your brain short circuited just moments before, “What can I get for you, Miyuki?”

“I hope you aren’t saying I aged bad,” He immediately responded, drawing out a soft giggle from you. 

You shook your head, denying his claim, because no matter how much you did not want to admit it, he became even more handsome with age. You allowed your gaze to roam over his features as he gazed over the menu that hung above your head. 

You noted how he’d grown just a bit taller, how despite years passing he somehow had the same style of black frames that he had in high school, and how his features seemed to be more pronounced. Before you could linger over his face any longer, you quickly snapped your gaze to the digital screen of your cash register, because you could not be caught checking out your high school ex. 

“What do you suggest?” You hear him ask, and you lick your lip as you thought about your answer, recalling the seasonal drink options and your usual menu. 

“Well, what are you in the mood for?” You eventually respond, turning your gaze back to the man on the other side of the counter, “If you’re feeling festive we have an array of cinnamon or ginger based drinks, yet if you’re a fan of more simple drinks, we have your basic cappuccinos and lattes.” 

 Shifting your stance, you watch as he mulls over your response, eyes still firmly locked on the menu before he waved his hand in an indifferent manner. 

“Just make me your favorite drink.” 

You nod, immediately logging in the order, refusing to allow yourself to think too deeply about the request. He was just here to get coffee. He was just another customer. He was just Miyuki. 

After you told him the total and he paid, you began to work on his drink. You ignored the way he seemed to watch you buzz around behind the counter. You refused to glance at him again. No, you solely focused on the task at hand. 

Once you finished his order, you handed it to him over the counter, ignoring the slight sting of electricity that shot up your arm as your fingers brushed against each other. You watched as he brought the cup to his lips before taking a small sip of the drink, eyes fluttering shut briefly before they met your gaze once again. 

“Oh this is good,” He mummers, and you open your mouth to explain what's in the drink, yet he holds up his hand to stop you. 

“I don’t need to know what’s in it.” He explains, causing your brows to furrow in confusion. 

“But how will you order it again if you don’t know what it is?” 

Miyuki is quiet for a moment, bright eyes roaming over your face as he leans against the counter, “How often are your shifts here?” 

You blink at the question, a bit confused at what he was getting at, “Uh, I’m here nearly everyday.” 

The smirk that spreads onto Miyuki’s full lips and it lets know that you’d fallen for something, yet you’re still unsure of exactly what that something is. 

“Perfect, then you’ll just have to take my order every time I come, right?” He chirps, taking another sip from his coffee cup. 

“Um,” You begin to say, but before a full sentence leaves your lips, he’s already bidding you goodbye, leaving just as fast as he came. 

Throughout the rest of your workday, you’re plagued with thoughts about Miyuki and why on earth did he come to your cafe. Fuck, how did he even find out about your cafe. You attempted to push the thoughts away from your mind, yet they still plagued you even after you’d closed. 

The next day, Miyuki comes into your coffee shop again, but this time he lingers. 

It was a slower day for the cafe; your usual morning rush wasn’t that heavy so you knew who he was the moment the bell chime rang through the nearly empty coffee shop. Immediately, you began to go through the process of making his drink, handing it to him as you began to ring him up.

“Slow day, innit?” He commented, and a small smile played onto your lips.

“Yeah, but that gives me more time to do other things besides just making drinks,” You responded before telling him the price of his drink. 

He handed you the exact amount of money you’d said, causing your brows to raise in slight surprise, but you don’t comment on it. Instead of leaving right after he received his coffee, he remained in your cafe, eyes lingering on your form as you cleaned up your work space. 

He asked you questions, seemingly catching up with all of the things he missed in the years you’d grown apart, and fuck did this puzzle you. Why on earth did Miyuki just randomly breeze back into your life? Why was he behaving as if the last conversation the two of you held didn’t end in scathing words and tears? 

You wanted to ask him this, to demand answers on how he learned about your little cafe, but you didn’t, you couldn’t. You were afraid of the answers to those questions, and seeing him again, even for a few minutes, brought a sense of peace in your life. 

When you gazed into his amber eyes, you felt as if it was the very first time you’d seen him all those years ago. You’d missed the banter he brought, you missed his jeering, you missed him. You wished you could press rewind on the clock, to go back to the very moment of your relationship’s demise, yet you couldn’t. 

Besides, you were getting ahead of yourself. To him, you were sure he just viewed this as catching up with an old classmate. He was happily engaged, and just engaging in a purely friendly conversation. At least, you thought he was engaged until he informed you that he’d broken off the engagement nearly a year ago. You don’t have much time to respond to him after this confession, because he’s wishing you a goodbye. 

Yet, just like the day before, your thoughts are riddled with him. 

You can’t help the bubble of curiosity in your chest. Did he seek you out for a sense of familiarity after a failed engagement? Was it purely chance that he’d walked into your cafe? You didn’t know, and frankly you were slightly afraid of the answer, but you knew that you needed to ask him these questions. 

It takes weeks for you to build up the courage to ask him the questions that swarmed in your mind the moment he left your eyesight. 

Sure, he still came to your cafe, ordering the same thing nearly everyday, engaging you in light conversation topics that filled in the gaps of the years you’d miss of his life. He told you about university, about the pro league, about how he was in general. Yet, his engagement was never brought up. 

He’d ask you about your life, and you’d found yourself telling him about it rather candidly. You told him about the slight funk you fell into after graduation (of course you didn’t tell him the reason for the funk), about culinary school, about opening the cafe. 

The unspoken questions linger in the air between the two of you, and though you find yourself tentatively growing closer to the man that visited your coffee shop nearly everyday, there was something actively holding you back from him. 

So, when he walked through the door of your cafe after nearly a month of being your number one customer, you decided that this is the day that you’d ask the questions that’d been causing you to keep him at arm's length. You fall into the routine of fixing his drink, and as you hand it to him, instead of giving him your usual playful greeting, a question falls from your lips in a jumbled up mess. 

 “How on earth did you find out about my cafe?” 

Miyuki’s gaze widens behind those black frames, and his usual smirk is dropped from his face. The pair of you look at eachother, minds filling with unspoken words, and the nearly empty cafe is so quiet that you’re sure he can hear your heart hammering away in your chest. 

“How about we talk about this after you close?” He offers, and you nod as he paid for his coffee (the exact amount of cash like always), and bid you farewell. 

The rest of your day is spent in an anxiety induced haze, until you’re flipping the open sign closed. Nursing a cup of your favorite warm beverage, you wait for Miyuki at one of your window seats and a mere five minutes pass before he’s walking into the cafe, discarding his snow littered coat. He sits beside you, thanking you for the drink you’d prepared for him as well. 

The two of you are quiet, unsure where to start. Years of tension hang in the air, and you can feel your leg begin to bounce out of sheer nervousness. You hear Miyuki chuckle softly and your eyes shift to his grinning face. You raise a  singular brow in question, and he shakes his head. 

“It’s just funny how you still do that,” He comments, and you then halt your bouncing leg, soft laughter breezing through the warm air of the cafe. 

“You know what they say,” You responded, facing him fully with a soft smile, “Old habits die hard.”

Miyuki’s grin melts into a smile that mirrors your own, and just a bit of the tension dissipates. You open your mouth to apologize for the rather random question that led the both of you to your current position, yet before you can even utter a word, he begins to tell you about the events that led him to your cafe. 

He told you about how devastated your breakup left him, about how you broke his heart, about how he knew he broke your heart as well. He tells you about how thoughts of you plagued his mind all throughout your time apart, about how he yearned for a simple “do over.” Then, he begins to tell you about his  engagement. A part of you wants to tell him to stop, because you don’t want to hear about the man you’d loved for years falling in love with another person. 

Yet, you allow him to continue because he needs to get this off his chest, and you need to hear it. 

You listen to him as he recounts the engagement, at how the relationship deteriorated into something toxic simply because he refused to let go of his love for you. Your hands began to shake around your coffee mug as you listened to him admit that the reason called off his engagement was because of you.

You nearly begin to cry. 

You don’t know what to think, what to say. 

A part of you wants to throw your arms around him, to weep into his chest about how much you missed him, but another part needs him to finish recounting his tale. So you anchor yourself to your seat, encouraging him to continue. 

Finally, he tells you about how he heard about your little cafe. He tells you about how Kuramochi mentioned it in mere passing when they were catching up, and about how he couldn’t resist seeing you again.  By now, your heart is beating so heavily in your chest, that it’s nearly hard to breathe. 

Here he was laying his heart out bare for you to judge, to even reject. He wasn’t the boy that you’d turned your back on all those years ago. He didn’t brush off your questions with jokes, no, he answered them truthfully. 

He was being vulnerable with you, and never in a million years would you have expected Miyuki Kazuya to approach you with his heart in his hands. You exhale shakily, hands removing themselves from your now cool mug, before you placed a soft hand over his larger one. 

“Kazuya,” You breathed out, facing him fully, if he could bare his heart to you, then you could do the same, “I never stopped loving you.”  Your confession fills the air between the two of you, and your hand squeezes his closed fist that rested on top of the table.

 “Even after all these years, Kazuya,” You whispered to him,“I’m still in love with you.” 

A mere second passes before his lips are on yours, and the same electricity you felt clap through your body from your very first kiss with him, strikes through you. Goosebumps littered your forearms as you melted into his embrace, pressing your body even more closer to his. 

Apparently, lighting did strike in the same place twice.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 03 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.9K

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

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{Stranger Things Masterlist}

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Like a Damn Train

You're walking back to where the guys are with your milkshake in hand, side by side with Monica. The day was calm, and this is a good way to end it. You're at this cute snack bar, all painted in pastel blue and pink colors, and some lights to match. It has two different spaces, but the inside is almost empty since it's a bit hot today, so people rather sit on the outside. But despite having enough empty tables for everyone, you're all leaning against the cars, chatting and laughing. You're a party of ten people, double the number of those who came with you, the others just stopped by.

You do feel a little cast aside since you don't really know the people or situations they're talking about. But Monica is kind enough to stand by your side, being sure to explain what's needed for you to engage in the conversation. Her cousin Jason is here too, as is her boyfriend, Christopher, who has always an arm around her shoulder.

“I'm telling you. That girl is trouble. She's a compulsive lier. I can't believe I dated her for almost a year.” Clark complains about his ex, who decided to use her spare time this summer to try and get back with him. “She called me once, in the middle of the night, crying, saying she crashed her car and was bleeding to death. I almost crashed mine trying to get to her as fast as possible and when I did, guess what? She was completely fine.”

“I always warned you about her,” Monica says, and the others nod.

“I should've listened.” Clark nods to himself. “From now on, I will listen to Monica.”

“Always listen to Monica.” She repeats in a meaningful tone, looking at you and raising an eyebrow.

“What?” You shrug your shoulders, sucking on your milkshake.

“Nothing." She dissimulates.

“It's about that Billy guy, isn't it?” Jason asks, gesturing his soda can at you.

“Yeah, you've been talking to him a lot lately.” David, one of those who stopped by and decided to join the party says. He's been giving you glances since he got here, but you're pretending not to notice. He'll get the hint soon enough and let it go.

“We're friends.” You simply say, leaning against Monica's car. David was at the pool today, you remember because you had to tell him not to dunk his friend. And that means he probably saw when you stopped by Billy's chair to ask him if he saw your whistle, which he had found on the floor near the girl's locker.

“Friends? With Hargrove?” David laughs. “Not possible. The guy only thinks about one thing. I doubt he even has a brain.”

“Well, he gave me a ride home when my car wouldn't start, so... He's not that much of a jerk if he bothered to help.” It's not your intention to defend Billy, but it feels wrong to let David say these things when Billy has been so nice to you. You know you have to keep an eye open just in case, but so far, it's being as he said it would be. Just two people who work together trying to get along.

“And why do you think he did that? I assure you it wasn't out of kindness.”

“She's the new girl in town. Maybe he thought she lived too far and offered help.” Christopher says, shrugging his shoulders. “You can't read minds, David, you don't know what inside people's heads.”

It's clear David isn't very welcome here. People don't seem very comfortable around him, and all his comments get some kind of snap. “Are you kidding me? It's Hargrove we're talking about here. He never talks to a girl unless he wants something. And we all know exactly what that is.”

“Since when you're the expert?”

“Since I know how guys think, Monica. Don't act like you got everyone figured out just because you're coursing Physiology.” He says, and his tone makes Christopher shoot him an angry stare.

“Mind your tone when you speak to my girlfriend, David.” He mutters, and David rolls his eyes. It's cute to see how he defends Monica, and it makes you smile. They're a freaking power couple, looking so good together.

“I'm just saying–”

“I know this sound.” Jason cuts him off, making everyone shut up to listen to... God knows what. “The car. There's only one car in Hawkins that makes this sound.”

“Billy's car.” Mon states and everyone looks at the street at the same time, and seconds after his Camaro speeds through, like a lightning bolt. “There he goes.”

“Was he looking over here?” Candace asks.

“At that speed, everything he sees is a blur.” Her sister Alice mutters.

You're not really paying attention, eyes glued to the now empty road, not sure why.

“I can't stand him. His presence alone makes me sick, the bastard.” David continues, crossing his arms over his chest. “You can do better, (Y/N), trust me.”

“You're envious of him.” Candace states and her sister follows with a laugh.

“Why in the hell would I be envious?”

“Because he's way hotter than you are.” The words come out of your mouth before you can think. “Basic psychology, isn't that right, Mon?” You elbow her, who giggles and nods.

“Couldn't agree more.” As she speaks, you hear the car again, as if it's coming back. The same noise they said belongs to Billy's car. But since you're not the expert here, it could belong to any other car, so you don't give much thought about it.

“No shit.” Jason mumbles.

“What a way to ruin the night,” David complains, rolling his eyes. His dirty, greasy hair sticks to his forehead, and he pushes it back.

“Unbelievable,” Monica says, looking at something behind you.

No, no. It can't be him... Right? You don't move, looking at your milkshake, completely ignoring how everyone seems to be staring at you.

“Hargrove.” David hisses, in a low voice.

You turn your head to see if this is really happening, and the moment you spot him, you look away. He was in a hurry to be somewhere, what is he doing here?

“Go talk to him,” Monica tells you.

“What makes you think he came here to talk to me?” You're quick to snap back, sucking what's left of your milkshake and putting the empty plastic cup on the hood of her car.

“Because he's coming this way and you're the only one here who speaks to him.” She speaks fast, wide eyes.

“Fine.” You raise your hands in surrender when she starts pushing you away from her car. “I'll go and say hi.” You give two steps backwards, shrugging your shoulders, and making sure everyone notices how casual it is. Then you turn on your heels, walking towards him, but slower, just in case he'll walk right past you. But he doesn't, he stops when you do, not quite keeping the distance he should. “Hi,” you mumble, suddenly very much aware of the eyes on your back.

“Hi.” Billy flashes his bright smile, the one that makes you think he's happy to see you. As if he hasn't seen you in a very long time. “Hanging out with your party, huh?”

“Yeah.” You gesture at where they're standing, trying to get a grip of yourself. C'mon, to hell with what they say. Or think. “I needed a night out. What about you?” You take a look at him, trying to be quick about it. He's wearing a black jacket and a dark red shirt underneath, which is unbuttoned. “Judging by the clothes and how fast you were going, you must be heading to a date. Or a party.”

“Second one.” He looks at something behind you. “Decided to stop and get some fries. Join me inside?”

“Mmm...” You're not sure if you should leave Mon and the others, so you take a look at them. And you see David's face, shamelessly staring as if it was his business. “Oh, we were just talking about you.” You raise your voice a little, and you both make the way to the small group of people. Monica has a funny look on her face. “Right, David?”

“Only bad things, I hope,” Billy says, eyes quickly scanning through the party. He knows he's not welcome, but he doesn't seem to care. Why would he? He just walked in like he owned the place. “I have a reputation I'd like to keep.”

The expression on David's face is priceless, and some people cover their mouths, hiding a laugh.

“Let's get those fries,” you say, pulling Billy by his jacket. “But only if you're paying.”

“Obviously.” He gives one last look, straight at David, before following you inside. Only half the tables are occupied, so you pick one on the back, next to the window. “I'll make the order.” He says as you take a sit. Through the corner of your eye, you see the crew moving more to their left, just where they can have a better view of your table. Looking at them, you wave, smiling. Monica won't stop talking about it tomorrow.

“So. What kind of wild party are you going to?” You ask when he comes back, seating across from you.

“Tommy's. Wanna come?”

“No. It's not my kind of party.” Monica told you about Tommy, that in some ways he's far worse than Billy. Guess you shouldn't judge this Tommy only by what you hear, but since you have nothing else to compare it too, you'll stick with what you've heard.

“It figured.” He shrugs his shoulders, penetrating eyes burning thought your skin.

“Let's eat quickly then. So you can go to your party.” You don't understand why he came all the way back here. Just to eat fries? He was going to a party and stopped for some fries? You'll have to ask Monica about it. Maybe there's a psychological explanation.

“I'm not going anymore.”

Okay. That's even weirder. “Why?”

Billy only smiles, and you're starting to notice it makes you feel funny. You don't like staring for too long, so you have to find something else to focus your attention on... But there's nothing so you just look down at your hands. “You know that David guy is into you, right?”

“What? Of course not.” You take a look through the window, catching some of them staring. Monica is one of them, obviously. “I mean, he was staring, but... I don't know. I'm the new girl after all, and in a small town like Hawkins I get that people are a little curious about the outsider.”

“That wasn't a curious look, believe me.”

“You can't really talk about it, right? You're the heartbreaker of Hawkins.”

Billy leans forward, and when the waitress comes with your fries, he doesn't even seem to notice. You don't get why he's staring for so long, like memorizing a map. “I will be straight forward with you, (Y/N).” He starts, his voice suddenly darker, as if the game was over and whatever he's about to say is a matter of life and death. “I like you.”

That makes you giggle, completely ruining the atmosphere. “Okay. You like a lot of girls, Billy. I thought you said just friends.” You're a little disappointed. Guess you were just a little bit excited about maybe, just maybe, befriending Billy, not sure why though.

“No. I don't have to like them to–”

“Let me stop you right there.” You burst out. “I don't need the details.”

“I never liked any of them. Why do you think I never met any girl more than twice?” What can you say to that? Shrugging your shoulders, you keep your eyes on the fries as you eat. You have no idea where this is going. “But you, you hit me like... bang.”

“Like bang?” Raising an eyebrow, you repeat and giggle again.

“Like a damn train.” He's not joking, he's dead serious. “Since the day you walked into the pool, I couldn't help but stare.”

“Billy, I–”

“I always hated when girls started talking about their lives, their friends, their families, but you... I want to know you. Your favorite color, your favorite hairstyle, your favorite ice cream flavor.” Drumming your fingers on the table, you give a quick glance at your friends, looking for Monica as if you could send her a message through your mind, asking for help. “And it's so freaking bizarre because I never thought it could happen to me. I thought about approaching you as I usually do, try to seduce you. It would be so much easier if that was everything I wanted, but it isn't.”

“Uhm...” Okay, you're completely lost here. More than you were on the first day at the pool. “Pink. I like to let my hair down. And chocolate.” You try to remember the order he spoke, despite feeling like this is the stupidest thing to say right now. But you don't know how to react. Nobody was straight to the point like this, all of them always had some kind of game. Pretending they don't care, acting like they're superior, acting like they're stupid... Everyone who ever tried something with you had a strategy. But this guy, town's bad boy, who leaves a long trail of broken hearts wherever he goes, he's just putting all the cards on the table. And you were caught off guard.

“I noticed the first two.” He gestures at you. You're wearing a pink shirt and your hair is down, flowing down your shoulders.

“You don't know me enough to like me, Billy.” You sigh, not sure what do say next.

“Only time will tell.” Billy smiles again, biting on a frie. “Just give me a chance.”

“What about the 'just friends' agreement? I was totally down for that.” Friendship is easier. So much less complicated... And it would give you a one hundred percent security that Billy wouldn't hurt you. Not that you'd ever allowed him to get close enough to do that... Right? Right. “Friendship always comes before any... Romantic relationship. It's just the natural flow of things.”

“If that's what you think, we'll start off as friends then.”

Damn it. The smile again. What the hell is wrong with you today? Monica is getting to your head with all her 'mission' thing. “Friends,” you repeat because it would be so mean if you just backed off now. He did help you when your car wouldn't start. And he's paying for the fries.

“(Y/N)!” Someone yells and you immediately look through the window. It's Jason. “Let's go, we're leaving!”

Already?

You mean... Great. You need to get home to think. “I have to go,” you say, standing up after grabbing a few more fries.

“I can take you home.” He offers.

“I'm not sure. Wouldn't it be a little mean to them?” Part of you wants to go home, leave Billy and this whole talking behind, get back into reality. Get a grip on yourself and think this through. But there's something else, a tiny piece that lit up when he offered you a ride.

“You already came with them. I don't see why you can't leave with someone else. I will let you ride shotgun.”

“You really think I'll go with you just because I'll ride shotgun? I can call shotgun with them, you know?” You giggle, eyes suddenly locked on his.

“With them, it's just a possibility. With me, it's a fact.” The guy is cocky, no doubt about that. “Would it change your mind if I say please?”

“Begging doesn't suit you, Hargrove.” You snap, smiling. “I'll let them know.”

He winks at you before you turn to leave. You change your mind a couple of times before you reach Monica and the others. But now you're sure. You want to go with Billy. You haven't finished the fries yet, anyway.

“Guys, you can go. Billy will give me a ride home.” You say as some of them get into Candace's car.

“Ok,” Mon smirks, giving you a look that means she'll want all the details later.

“What?” David speaks up, a humorless laugh leaving his lips. “Monica, I thought you said your friend was smart.”

“Are you calling me dumb?” You gasp, unable to believe your ears. Who the hell does he think he is? The guy doesn't even know you.

“If you're really considering letting him–” He gestures at the snack bar, straight at your table. “–take you home, yes, sweety, you're pretty dumb.”

“David shut the hell up.” Monica has a finger on his face.

“Who do you think you are to put of your nose in my business?” You raise your voice, stepping forward. You're not the one to be insulted and keep quiet. “This is my damn life and I do whatever I want. You're not even a friend of mine so back the hell off.”

“I'm trying to put some sense into your empty brain and you're turning it on me?” He looks around as if searching for support. But half the group is by Candace's car, and those who are closer don't seem to back him up.

“The hell is going on?” Billy yells startle you a little and you turn your head to see him coming from the snack bar.

“Isn't it obvious that nobody here wants you around?” David barks at him, making an abrupt gesture towards Billy.

He stops by your side, towering over you.

“David here just called (Y/N) dumb,” Christopher says in a provoking tone. “Right, David? Do you have anything else to say or did the last sentences drained out your intelligence? The tiny little bit you have of it.”

“You called her what?” Billy steps forward, slightly hiding you with his shoulder. He's angry suddenly, raising his voice.

“Drop the gentleman act, Billy. Everyone knows what you want.” David comes forward too, throwing his empty can on the floor. “But if she wants to go from the new girl in town to another of Hargrove's sluts, that's all her choice.”

You're about to speak up when Billy moves, closing the distance between him and David, pulling him by the collar of his shirt and punching his jaw hard. You heart skips a beat and your stomach burns. David falls to the ground, a hand coming to his chin. Everyone gasps, hands covering their mouths. You see when Billy is about to move again, so you grab his arm.

“I told you. If you didn't quit being an asshole someone would put you in your place.” Jason says as he speeds away in his car, giving Billy a thumbs up.

But you barely notice the commotion, trying to understand what just happened.

“Call her that again and I'll make sure to break your nose the next time.” Billy barks, looking down at David, who awkwardly crawls backwards before standing up and walking away.

“C'mon.” You start pulling Billy, noticing how the muscles on his arm are tense, even through the jacket. “Let's go.” You move to stand before him, seeing the anger in his eyes as he watches David stumble to his car. Why is he so pissed? “Bye, guys. See you tomorrow.” You say, pushing Billy's chest, sighing in relief when he finally gives up and starts walking back into the snack bar.

Your heart is beating so fast you can feel it pounding against your chest. Billy gestures for you to walk in front of him as he gives one last glance at David's car as he speeds away. Running a hand through your hair, you notice how people are staring as you sit back on the table.

“That was unnecessary.” You burst out, still feeling hot from all the sudden commotion. You have your eyes set on Billy as he sits across from you, anger still clear on his expression.

Nobody ever did that for you. And you have dated before. Only two guys and for a short period of time, but still... You're surprised he'd go through all that trouble because of you, a girl he barely knows. “But thank you.” He's still so mad, like he's caged inside his rage. He keeps staring through the window as if waiting for David to return. “Billy?” You call him, standing up and moving to seat beside him, touching his shoulder. It seems to drag him out of his thoughts, and he looks at you, the anger vanishing, turning into something else. Something you can't name. “Thank you.”

“David is an asshole.” He simply says.

“He is.” Your eyes fall on your arm, still on his shoulder, so you move it away. “Nobody ever stood up for me like that. It's not that I can't deal with an idiot like him, but... It was nice.”

“Whenever you need, princess.”

The name and the smile make your stomach burn again, and you look down just in case you're blushing. As much you appreciate what he just did, you can't let any kind of feelings build up. “So...” You pull the plate with the fries closer, taking one and biting it. “You gonna be my bodyguard now? Beating up whoever calls me bad names?”

“I will if you want me to.”

You know he's smiling even though you're not looking. Biting your lip, you clear your throat. “I think that's ok. But I doubt David will cross my way again.”

“He better not.”

The rest of the night goes by calmy. When you're done with the fries, he gets you another milkshake even though you tell him you already had one. You stand by his car until the milkshake is over, and that's when you finally head home.

His car is do damn fast. Way too fast. You're looking at the road ahead, wondering how the hell he can drive at such a speed. “Billy, would you slow down a bit?” You ask, happy when he complies.

It's a little past eleven when he stops by your place, and you take a deep breath before opening the door. “Bye. See you tomorrow.” Smiling you step out of the car, walking around it. But you stop when you see he's getting out too.

“What? I'm gonna walk you to the door.” He shrugs his shoulders, and you look down as you both slowly walk to the front door. Once you get there, you awkwardly turn around, looking at him, noticing how the dim light from the porch lights up his face... He's cute. More than cute. He's... Very handsome.

Alright, stop staring now.

“Thanks again for the ride home... And for defending my honor, Billy Hargrove.” You mutter, your voice is strangely low.

“Anytime you need.”

“Yeah...” Clearing your throat, you gesture at the door behind you. “Gotta go.”

“Sure.” Billy looks down at you, and he suddenly moves closer. But before you can push him away, or even process what he's doing, you feel his lips on the apple of your cheek. It's almost unreal how his lips are soft. Billy doesn't come out as soft... He's rough, the bad guy. But this... This is confusing. You're sure you're blushing this time, frozen, as he pulls away. “Good night, (Y/N).”

“Good night,” you mumble, turning the door handle. But it doesn't open, so you try again. “Shit... Oh, it's locked.” You search on your pockets for the key, excited to get in and get the hell away from Billy. This is unfair. He knows the effect he has on girls. You struggle with the key, sighing in relief when the door finally opens.

“Did I just make you nervous?” He asks as you step inside.

“Good night, Billy,” you repeat, giving him a half-smile before closing the door.

Today's events are getting to your head. What Billy did was... Badass. Hot even. You're a girl, how are you supposed to feel after a guy punches someone to defend you? It's only natural, right? Right. Shit, you really need to talk to Monica.

Running a hand through your hair, you turn around, ready to take a shower and get some sleep. But your aunt's image by the stairs scare you, and you hit the door with your back.

She has a smile on her face, bright and wide. “Hello, honey. Who was that guy?”

[cumholland]

Neighbors Part 2

Chapter Two - Designed for You

(Tom Holland x Reader)

a/n: Thank you so much to everyone who loved the first chapter and asked for a second one! Also thank you again to @2018shawn​ for helping me come up with the idea and @moonshineholland​ for proofreading! Chapter 1 here

Summary: After a wrench is thrown into your relationship, will you and Tom be able to handle it or will it force you apart? WC: 9.6k

Warnings: Language, LOTS of smut, angst.

"I knew it!" Hannah screams into the phone. You had finally told her about the Tom situation after mulling over it for a couple of days. Now you were sitting in Tom's sun lounger by the pool. He was out shooting today but you decided to let yourself in to go for a swim and keep Tessa company. The last time you were over Tom had given you a spare key. Invited you to come at any time you pleased. He especially encouraged you to keep Tessa company as he worried about leaving her alone for too long. After taking for her for a walk, Tessa decided it was time for a much needed nap. With her asleep, you decided to catch up on tanning as well as catch up Hannah on your predicament.

"Don't get too excited, nothing has really happened since then." Ever since that steamy make out session with Tom, the two of you hadn't really talked about it. Tom's hands were all over you for the rest of the night traveling up and down your body, his lips all over your neck. You even fell asleep in his arms, not moving from the couch until almost three in the morning. Eventually, Tessa jumped on the couch, waking you both. Tom headed to bed as he needed to prepare for shooting the next day and you spent the rest of the night back home. Since then you had hung out with Tom once, only having dinner and watching a movie. Now, two days after making out with Tom, you weren't quite sure where he stood on the situation. "We haven't really acknowledged it, I guess," you explain to Hannah.

"Wait, so you're saying you had a lust filled night of passion and now you haven't porked his brains out yet?" Hannah never was one to put a filter on what she was thinking, but when it came to your love life she was especially honest.

You get up and pace around the pool, concrete hot against your bare feet. "It wasn't a lust filled night of passion, Hannah," you start. "All we did was make out. Maybe I'm a bad kisser and that's why he hasn't tried to make another move."

"No way!" Hannah exclaims. "Boys are horndogs, they could be kissing a corpse and still be into it."

"Gross," you interrupt. "Tom isn't like any other guys I've met, Han. He's really sweet and caring and he gets totally flustered any time we get flirty." That was a fact. Tom's face could turn red faster than the blink of an eye, as could yours. Neither of you had been particularly proficient when it came to the art of flirting, but you had mastered the art of making eyes at each other from across the room. It felt like both of you were holding back, and you weren't sure when that dam was going to break. You were almost certain it had when you finally kissed, but maybe not after all.

A bark pulls you from your thoughts. Your head whips back to the house and you see Tessa standing at the back door wanting to join you outside. You jog over to the door and let her out. "What is that?" Hannah asks. "Do I hear a dog?"

"It's Tessa." You had told Hannah about the situation with Tom but you had also left out the part about the spare key, meaning you hadn't told her you were at his house at this very moment either.

"Who's Tessa? Am I being replaced as your best friend?" Hannah says sarcastically. Tessa dances around your feet, whining for attention.

"Han, it's Tom's dog, you literally met her when you came over." You pat Tessa on the head before she takes off.

"Oh yeah... I would have remembered her name if she wasn't asleep the whole time I was there!" she pesters.

"She's a dog," you roll your eyes as if Hannah can see you. "Maybe if-"

"Hold the phone, you're at his house?" She interrupts. "Is he there? Are you about to bone? I'm so confused, please explain." Hannah's thoughts often ran a million miles a minute and today was no exception. You didn't mind though, she was just excited that your love life finally had a spark. You'd been hurt in the past and she knew you weren't the most open and willing when it came to dating. It made you happy that she was ecstatic for you, even when she was a little cavalier about it.

"No, he's on set today. I'm just hanging out with Tessa and sunbathing. He gave me a spare key, it isn't a big deal." It wasn't a big deal, really, but you knew Hannah could go on about that one for hours. "I'm just hanging out here until he's back and then maybe I'll try to talk to him about the - uh - incident."

"You mean your tongue down his throat? That incident?" She pesters.

"Yes, that one," you say, rolling your eyes. You settle onto the sun lounger again, just now noticing Tessa digging around in the garden. "Tess! Get out of there, I'm not giving you another bath today."

"I wanna hear whatever details you have after tonight," Hannah insists. "And we need to hang out soon, I miss you."

"I promise, Han, we'll hang out soon." You tuck your phone under the cushion and pull out your sunscreen to apply another layer, but the only thing on your mind is what you want to say to Tom when he's back.

When Tom finally arrives back home it's almost 10 pm. You spent the rest of the afternoon working on homework while Tessa kept herself occupied with a toy. You fed her at dinnertime and made yourself a sandwich. Waiting for Tom made the minutes feel like hours, each one dragging longer than the last. You were antsy for him to come back, but at least the longer it took him to come back, the longer you could put off talking to him about your feelings.

That kiss had left you reeling, even more so than you thought it would. After confessing to Hannah, the scene kept replaying in your head. Every time you forced it out of your mind, that feeling of Tom's hands on your bare skin would pull you back in and you'd be caught up daydreaming about the way his tongue had slid into your mouth. Your hand is gripping your thigh, heat building between your legs just thinking about it. You bury your head in your hands and rub your eyes as if you can rub away the thoughts of Tom in your head. Before you get too caught up again you hear the sound of the garage door opening. Tom's home.

Tessa makes a break for the door and whines until Tom finally opens it. He's got a big bag of takeout in his hands and heads straight for the kitchen, Tessa still sniffing and dancing around his shoes. "I didn't think you'd still be here," he calls over from the island. You make your way from the living room to the kitchen, joining him in the brightly lit room.

"I would've made you dinner if I had known what time you were gonna be back but I wasn't sure." You had texted Tom earlier in the day but he hadn't responded until he was already done on set for the day. By then you had already eaten dinner and you didn't even have time to prep anything for him anyway.

"That's alright love, I was in the mood for shitty takeout anyway." You try to smile but you just scrunch up your mouth instead. All that confidence you had about confronting Tom melts away at the sight of him. He looks a little disheveled, probably just from a long day of work. It seems almost silly now, like bringing up the situation would just annoy him. You decide to bite your tongue and keep it to yourself for now. What's waiting until he has a day off? It wouldn't hurt anything.

Tom looks tired and a little annoyed so you want to be out of his space. "Um, I think I'm just gonna go, I'll let you have some peace and quiet," you say. It was probably nothing, but you wanted to give him his privacy, this was his house after all. "I was just keeping Tessa company anyway."

"You should stay," Tom says abruptly. He doesn't look up from his food, twirling the lo mein around with his fork.

"Are you sure?" You ask, testing the waters. "I don't mind going, I have some homework to do anyway." That was a lie, but if it makes Tom feel better, it made you feel better.

"It was just a long day. The director was really pushing me and I was getting frustrated. It isn't a big deal," Tom explains. He finally looks up at you, the bags under his eyes dark. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to." Tom's eyes are dark and heavy, lids almost swollen. It just now registers that he might've been crying. Frustrated at the very least.

"I know," you say softly, almost whispering. You stop for a minute, looking him up and down. His eyes are trained on his food, his usual cheery demeanor almost entirely absent. He tosses a noodle down and Tessa gobbles it up.

"I'll share my lo mein if you stay," Tom murmurs, finally looking up from his food. You let out a soft chuckle and take a seat next to Tom. He passes over his fork to you and for the first time since he got home, a smile appears on his face. It's a gentle half-smile, but a smile nonetheless. You twirl some noodles onto the fork and bring it to your mouth.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" You ask through a mouthful of noodles.

Tom just shakes his head. "I'd rather hear about what my two girls did today." Tessa's ears perk up at that. She pretends to look to the side away from Tom, pretending like she isn't begging for food.

"Well, it was a pretty relaxed day," you start. "I swam in the pool for a bit and did my homework. Tess tore up another toy." You nod over to the living room, stuffing from the toy littering the ground.

"I'm starting to think you're just using me for my pool," Tom jokes.

"Of course! I don't know what else you thought this was," you joke, hitting his shoulder. "My friend Hannah thinks it's weird, me being at your house all day."

"It is weird," Tom affirms. "It isn't really the most typical of friendships, but I like you, so why not hang out with you instead of being alone? Same goes for Tess, I'm sure she's a lot happier not being alone all day." The statement dances around in your head for a moment. Specifically the word 'friendship' along with 'I like you' storms around in your head. Thomas was good at a lot of things but sending mixed signals was maybe his best talent. "Do you think if I lay on the ground Tess will walk on my back and give me a massage? I'm sore as fuck from stunts today."

"Um," you chuckle, eyebrows scrunched together. "Yeah, I'm not quite sure she's capable of doing that." You let that linger in the air for a moment before blurting out "I could give you a massage, maybe. If you want or whatever?" "Yeah?" He asks, eyes finally meeting yours. "I'll take what I can get."

"Really?" You accidentally blurt. It wasn't like you didn't want to do it but you didn't expect him to actually take you up on it.

"What? Are you too shy?" He cracks. "We've already made out, I hardly think a massage is that scandalous." Your cheeks immediately flush with red, your palms becoming sweaty. This is the first time he's mentioned the make out incident since it happened. He doesn't even look phased as he continues to scarf down the noodles.

"I guess you're right," you hum, fingertips buzzing from the thought of touching Tom. You leave Tom at the island and go back to the living room, Tessa following behind you. You move the coffee table out of the way and set up a blanket and pillow for Tom to lay on.

Tom joins you in the living room, setting his takeout on the coffee table you pushed aside. "Nice set up," he says, examining the space you have laid out. He takes his shirt off and tosses it on to the couch and lays down on the floor on his stomach. Your eyes are like saucers. You had expected this to be a 'through the clothes' kind of massage but you weren't about to ask him to get dressed. You eye him up and down, eyes raking over his back muscles down to the Calvin Klein waistband peeking out from his jeans. Before you even touch him Tessa has gotten up from her bed and is now trying to lick Tom's face off. "Tess!" Tom whines. He gets up and takes her out back, shutting the door so the two of you will be uninterrupted. Tom is back on his stomach so you wordlessly drop to your knees by his side. The tips of your fingers meet his skin, warm and firm. You slowly move your hands up his spine, slowly palming his tense back. You feel him laugh under your hands. "Your hands are so cold, darling," he teases.

"Give it a minute," you say, lightly slapping his back and pretending to hit him. Your hands continue across his shoulders, where he is most tense. Your thumbs dig into the muscle, and Tom moans under you. You dig your thumbs into the same spot again.

"Fuck," he moans again. "You can go harder, I won't break I promise." You weren't exactly trying to be gentle, but it was hard to put your weight into it when you were arched over his side.

"Okay," you start "I just have to...," you trail off as you swing your leg over his waist and you're now straddling him. Tom lets out a soft laugh, but you don't acknowledge it. Now with better leverage, you dig back into his shoulders. Tom's smile is wiped off his face and is replaced with a look of ecstasy as he lets out a long moan.

"Shit," Tom gasps through another moan. "What did you just hit?"

"I guess you have a g-spot in your shoulders." This makes the both of you laugh. You bring your hands down to his shoulder blades and start massaging the muscle that surrounds the area. Tom had some bruising on his back from his stunt work so you didn't want to get too rough with him. Tom moans into the pillow, this time lower and drawn out. "Geez, I hope the neighbors don't hear this, it sounds quite sexual."

"It's better than sex," Tom mutters.

"Oh?"

"Not really, but it's a close second." He turns his head and looks back at you over his shoulder giving you that killer smile. You work your hands lower again, reaching the small of his back. "Am I getting an ass massage too? My glutes are sore from all the running I had to do on set today."

"In your dreams, Holland," you roll your eyes.

"Fine, fine, what about a happy ending?" Tom starts laughing before he can even finish his joke.

"Once again, in your dreams," you tease him, although for a second it crosses your mind that something like that might be in your dreams too. You massage all the way down Tom's back and all the way up to the top again. After about a half hour of massaging Tom, you finally crawl off his back and sit on the floor next to him. Tom's eyes are closed and he's half asleep from the relaxing massage. "Alright, my fingers are about to fall off." Tom slowly flips over onto his back. Your eyes dart to the bulge in his jeans. He isn't totally hard, but he at least has a semi. He doesn't seem to notice or acknowledge it as he rubs his eyes. "What? Only the back side? What about the front?" He teases again.

"You're not getting a happy ending!" You exclaim.

"That isn't even what I meant," Tom says through his grin. "My chest is sore from pull ups and I paid for the full experience!" You shoot him a confused look. "I gave you lo mein, duh."

"Tom, I had like two bites!"

"Yeah! One bite for the back and one for the front!" Tom takes your hand and brings it to his chest.

"Have I told you that you're annoying?" You badger him, caving in to his request. With your hands on his chest, you move your palms in slow circular motions, hands traveling from his chest to his shoulders. You can feel Tom looking at you so you meet his gaze. With Tom facing you everything feels a lot more intimate. You feel every inch of your skin connected to his, the heat radiating from his body to your hands. Tom licks his lips and all you can think about is kissing them again. Before you even know what you're doing you're crawling on top of him and straddling him again. "Um... leverage," is all you can stutter out. Your cheeks are flushed pink but so are Tom's. His eyes travel down your body before slowly grazing back up. Your eyes meet again. Your hands are on his chest, legs around his waist. You're riding him.

Well, sort of. You can feel his bulge pressed against your ass now, straining against his jeans. His hands come up to your waist, taking a firm hold on you. Without a second thought, you bring your face to his, lips crashing again his. Tom captures your bottom lip with his teeth, teasing you before slipping his tongue into your mouth. He traces over your lips before gliding his tongue over yours, flicking against you. Your kisses become needier, filled with lust and desire. Your noses bump together, trying to melt into one another as deep as you can go. Tom pulls your body flush against him, every part of you now rubbing together. Tom's hands explore your back, hands traveling up the back of your shirt. You bring your hands to his face, capturing his strong jaw. Tom consumes you, surrounds you with himself. From his hands on you to his tongue tracing your teeth, you feel yourself falling into him. His breath is warm, spilling into your mouth, his mouth now traveling down your neck. Tom moans against your neck, his guttural groans sending shivers down your spine, you can feel yourself getting wet. You gasp, fingers catching in Tom's hair, slowly grinding your body against his. You bring your lips to his about to press them against his again but then...

Both of you hear a whining followed by a bark. Tessa wants back inside. "She'll be fine," Tom says, his lips returning to your neck.

"No, it's fine, we don't make her stay outside. It's not like there aren't other places we can make out," you say as you get off of him, standing up. "Besides, when was the last time you even vacuumed?"

"Not since I moved in," Tom says as you go to the back door to let Tessa in. She trots into the living room, ignoring Tom and going straight for the lo mein, burying her nose in the takeout container. "Tess!" Tom chides her. "No, nasty!" Tom drags her by the collar away from the food. You can't help yourself but giggle at how things went from you on top of Tom to Tessa stealing his food. "Go on, go put yourself in timeout!" Tessa's head hangs as she slowly walks up the stairs.

"Aw, c'mon Tom she just wanted a bite! Plus you deserve it, you locked her outside."

"Whatever," Tom says as he rolls his eyes, taking his food to the trash can to throw away. Finally, with a moment to breathe, you check your phone. It's nearing midnight and you have some work to get done tomorrow.

"I should probably get going, I have to be up in the morning and it's getting a bit late." Tom looks at you with those puppy dog eyes that he has perfected but all he does is nod. He walks you to the door and gives you a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" He asks.

"Yeah, sure," you smile at him before returning the kiss, this time on his lips. "See you tomorrow, Tom."

The next day it was around 7:30 pm and the sun was already beginning to set. After a long day of working from your computer, you were ready to throw in the towel. After taking a bath, you decide to text Tom and ask if he is almost home from set. It isn't until 9:00 pm when he finally responds. Just got home. Come over. Without a second thought, you get dressed and walk over to his house. As soon as your knuckles meet the dark wood of his front door, it opens to Tom's face, brightly lit with a smile. "Miss me?" Tessa comes running out the front door and sniffing at your feet.

"Tessa clearly missed me," you say, flashing a smile back at Tom.

"I missed you more," he says as he moved out of the doorframe and motions for you to come in.

"Were things easier on set today?" After how run down he looked the other day, you were hoping he was still feeling okay after another long day.

"Not too bad. Nothing a genius like me can't handle," he says as he ruffles his hair.

"I guess that explains why your head is so big."

"What!" Tom shouts, cocking his head at you. Tom grabs you around the shoulders and starts messing up your hair.

"I'm kidding, you dork!" You tell him, grabbing a hold of his arm, all too aware of the muscles underneath his soft skin. Tom releases you from his strong grasp. "Your head is perfectly average sized."

"Thank you!"

"Your ego on the other hand," you start. Tom's eyes widen again, ready to lunge at you. "Kidding again!"

"You better be," he jokes, pulling you in close again. This time his hands are wrapped around your waist, head tilted over yours. He brings his face to yours, closing the distance, lips meeting again. So this is what you were now? Intimate. More than friends. Nothing was set in stone, making you all the more nervous. You move your lips against his, falling into his kiss once again. Once you pull away you smile at him, but Tom can tell there's something off about the look on your face. "Is everything okay?" He asks, hands falling off your waist.

"I just... um," you start, shaking your head. "I hate to sound so cliche but what are we?"

"Friends?" Tom says, a confused look on his face. You return the confused look back.

"Just friends?" "Well, um, special friends," Tom clarifies. Clarifies in a way that clarities absolutely nothing. You take a step away from him.

"What does that mean exactly?" You look deep in to Tom's eyes. It's hard to tell what he's thinking.

He's wearing his glasses today making him look cute as ever. His hands are pulled tight by his sides, clearly showing he's a little on edge. "I guess I don't know exactly." Tom leans against the counter, putting a little more space between the two of you. "I just...," Tom trails off. "I can't really be in a relationship right now."

"What? Why?" You demand, the edge in your voice all too clear. You don't mean to sound pushy or even sound angry, but having your emotions toyed with is something you've never put up with. Knowing your worth has always been important to you and you didn't like to play games. You and Tom had been flirty from the start, so there was obviously something between you. In a matter of seconds, every interaction you've had with Tom flies through your head, analyzing everything from mixed signals, missed opportunities, to your especially erotic massage make out session last night. Had you missed something? What weren't you getting? What wasn't Tom getting?

Tom's mouth hangs open for a second as he tries to articulate what he's thinking. The seconds stretch out in front of you, feeling like years. "I'm not gonna be here forever," he starts. "I'm constantly going back and forth between places. In two months, once I'm done with this shoot, I'll be back in London for who knows how long." You feel the ground start shifting under you as Tom talks. Tom, the guy you had been slowly developing feelings for no matter how hard you tried not too. Tom, the guy who was jaw droppingly gorgeous and the sweetest gentleman you've ever met. Tom, the guy who didn't want to date you.

You try to muster up a response but you have no idea what to say. Now it's your turn for your mouth to hang up. "I guess I don't know what to say." "You don't have to say anything," Tom says, closing the distance between you, wrapping his arms around you again. "Why do we even need to have a label on it? Why can't we just enjoy each other's company? I've loved spending time with you and I don't want that to change."

"But...," you start.

"But I just can't have a relationship right now, love." Tom places a kiss on your forehead. I have to be a million places all over the world as soon as press for my next movie starts. It would just make it harder on both of us and I can't do that to you. I can't promise you something when I know it isn't going to work out." You do your best to suppress rolling your eyes. After all this time of being a total gentleman, now he wants to be a fuckboy like every other guy in California? Hannah would definitely be hearing about this later.

"Sure," you say bluntly. You were irritated and you just wanted the conversation to be over. If Tom didn't want a girlfriend then fine, you wouldn't push the envelope, but you wouldn't let him play with your emotions either.

"Please, don't be mad at me-"

"I'm not," you interrupt. "I guess I'm just disappointed. Let's just drop it." You cross your arms and lean against the counter.

Tom crosses his arms too and stays silent for a moment. "I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I can't lead you on I couldn't keep that from you."

"It's fine," you reiterate. "It's whatever. I'm glad you told me." You really were glad he told he told you. Glad you could keep yourself from getting more hung up on him. You uncross your arms to keep yourself from looking too upset. "So what's the plan? Are you making me dinner or do I have to do everything around here?" There was a stillness and a comfort around you. Without worrying about a potential relationship you could just enjoy yourself, right?

Tom cracks a small smile of that, breaking through the troubled look on his face. "How about I buy you takeout instead." You jokingly roll your eyes, making fun of his inability to cook.

Friends. There was nothing wrong with friends. Watching Tom as he grabbed his phone to order food, you thought to yourself that there were plenty more fish in the sea.

"I don't think I'm understanding," Hannah ranted. You texted her as soon as you got back from Tom's and she immediately made plans to come over the next day. Now the two of you were laying in your room listening to music as you so often did before you started spending so much time at Tom's house.

You pull your blanket over your head, groaning into the soft covers. "I don't even know why I got so invested. I'm sorry I haven't been around as much, I shouldn't have let trying to get with Tom take up so much of my time."

"Don't say that!" Hannah asserts. "You're still in desperate need of dick and it doesn't always just come to you, you have to put in work for it sometimes!"

"But I didn't even get any!" You whine. "Besides that wasn't what I was going for! Haven't you ever heard of happily ever after?" "My happily ever after includes me getting good dick." While Hannah is talking you get up from your bed and go over to your bay window, sitting down on the cushions. "His dick isn't even off the table either, hun. I know it isn't exactly what you were hoping for but you don't have to go back to the nunnery just yet." "I think that's called a convent," you tease. Hannah always knew how to make you smile even when you were feeling down. Hannah sits up from the bed and joins you at the window. You look over at Tom's backyard to see him coming outside with a towel, about to go for a swim. "Listen, boys change up like the weather all the time. They never know what they want and they're always changing their minds. It doesn't matter if you and Tom aren't destined to be together, just have some fun." Hannah grabs your hands, pulling you close. "I know you're never satisfied with guys and they're always letting you down, but you've been the happiest hanging out with Tom than you have been in a while. You don't have to totally cut him out just because he's a little bit of a douche. We already knew that hun, he's a guy they're all dicks."

You let out a soft laugh and nod. Hannah had a point. She always did, she was too smart for her own good. "I'm not gonna tell you you're right because you already know you are."

"Of course I'm right, babes," Hannah says as she hugs you. "Have some fun, let loose! You practically wet yourself when you made out with him. It's up to you, hun, do whatever you want. Do you know what you want?"

You look out to Tom's yard and watch as he dives headfirst into the pool. Dating Tom might not be in your future, but there was obviously something between you. Did you know what you wanted?

You took a few days to yourself to think about your situation. Tom had been texting you but your responses were inconsistent and sporadic. He asked you to come over more than once but you told him you were busy or had plans with Hannah, which wasn't technically lying as Hannah had come over for a few nights to watch movies. Now, it was the weekend and you had spent most of the day laying in bed. Tom was at work but you had texted him and asked to come over later. He replied almost instantly with an absolutely. Tom didn't seem to be upset with you even though you pulled had a bit of a disappearing act. He could probably imagine how confused you had been over the past few days. But you weren't confused anymore. Tom was just a boy and you were just a girl. And you were just a girl wanting to let loose.

You found yourself in Tom's living room once more. Tom was on one side of the couch and you were on the other. It had felt a bit awkward since you had come over, but the conversation had been flowing as usual. You had fallen back into your typical poking fun at each other banter and Tom had put on some shitty horror movie. "Why do you always have to put on shitty movies like this, why can't we watch a good one?"

"Well if it's a shitty movie then we can make fun of it. We always end up talking over it anyway," he explains.

"Then why don't you put on music or something, dummy," you tease.

"Fine!" Tom caves in. He turns off the movie and pulls up Spotify on the TV, turning on one of his playlists. "Alright missy, you got your wish, now what do you want to talk about."

"First we can talk about how Chris Evans is so much hotter than you," you joke. Tom tosses a pillow at your face but you smack it out of the way before it hits you. "I'm kidding Mr. Holland, you're the hottest superhero."

"Damn right," Tom says, smile proud on his face. You roll your eyes at that.

Would now be a good time to ask him? runs through your head. You've thought about it for days now, so why pussy out? It's just a few simple words. "Tom, I...," you trailed off.

"Huh?"

"I, um... ," you started again. "Um, do you have any snacks?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," Tom says as he got up from the couch. He disappeared into the kitchen to grab whatever the fuck he thought you wanted. Shit was all you could think. You always froze up at the last second, always too scared to shoot your shot. After a minute, Tom came back with an assortment of snacks. He dropped the pile of snacks on the couch next to you and took a seat on the other side. "Plenty?" Tom asks as he digs his hand into a bag of chips.

"Yeah," you start again. "Actually, um, I meant to ask about the other day." Tom looks up from his chips, mouth full and his loud crunching distracting you. He doesn't interrupt, just keeps looking at you. "About the relationship thing..."

"Hun, I-"

"You're not looking for a relationship," you interrupt him. "That's fine, I know, but... why don't we just... have fun then?" Tom studies your face for a minute. His eyebrows are scrunched together and the look of confusion takes over his face.

"I'm sorry," he starts. "What exactly are you asking?"

Hannah's words fly through your head: just have fun. "Fun, like I said," you say, looking him in the eyes, his tight knit eyebrows slowly coming undone. "No strings attached."

"Friends with benefits?" Tom asks.

"Exactly," you explain. "You don't want a relationship and I don't want to get my feelings hurt. But that doesn't mean I'm not still... attracted to you." Tom keeps his eyes trained on you, watching you as he chews on his bottom lip. "You can say no, I'm just thinking out loud."

"Are you sure?" He asks. You weren't fully sure of yourself, but these days you often weren't. The world kept going even when you were standing still, so what was the point in waiting around to question yourself any longer?

"Yes," you blurt. "We have a good thing going for us already, I mean. And we're both adults with needs so... why not?" The silence hangs in the air for another moment, the atmosphere in the room warm and still. Your hands are clammy and your face is definitely on fire. You weren't often bold like this and it was a new sensation to you.

"Well then... why not?" Tom finally says. "I mean, I'm not exactly sure how to go about this I guess."

You weren't exactly sure how this would go either. Or even how it would start. "We can just let things happen organically and see what happens."

Tom nodded, tossing the bag of chips aside. "So we can make out now?" He looked like an eager kid in a candy store.

You laughed at him and rolled your eyes. "I said organically, Thomas."

After talking to Tom about the new aspects of your friendship, you decided to turn the shitty horror movie back on to fill the silence while you retreated into your thoughts. It was hard to tell what Tom was thinking and it made you more nervous that he might be thinking this was a bad idea. He seemed excited enough, but your doubts had a way of getting the better of you. You were so shrouded in your thoughts you hadn't even noticed the movie was over. "Not as shitty as the last one but still pretty shitty," Tom commented.

"I get to pick the movie next time," you declared.

Tom laid down on the couch, using your lap as a pillow. "My taste is immaculate, don't be jealous." You rolled your eyes at that one. "Have I ever told you how gorgeous you are?"

"I think so. Every night before I go to bed you tell me I'm gorgeous and the most important woman in the world," you pester him.

"No, that's Tess," he says laughing.

"Whatever," you roll your eyes.

"You are gorgeous though," he says again. "I know I've put you in a complicated situation and all, but you're the fittest girl I've ever met. You're stunning and you're way smarter than me."

"Clearly," you tease him again.

"And I'm not just complimenting you to get in your pants, I really mean it," Tom says. "I just... are you really sure about this?" Tom looks into your eyes. His eyes are soft in gentle. Everything about him is soft and gentle. He's so sweet and compassionate and caring that you start to feel your doubts melt away. Maybe you weren't making the right decision, but it was a decision that still made you happy. You push him off your lap and force him to sit up. Before he can say anything else, you press your lips against his. It's softer than your last kiss, this one more gentle and subdued. Your lips move in sync, pushing into one another, slow and passionate like you have all the time in the world. Tom runs his hands through your hair, pulling you into him.

Tom pulls back for a second to look at you. "Is this okay?" He asks, voice heavy with desire. You nod your head and lean back in, lips meeting his again. You deepen this kiss this time, slipping your tongue into his mouth. Tom's breathing is getting heavier by the second as the kiss becomes more intense. His hands find your waist, pulling you closer until he has you in his lap. You wrap your arms around his neck as you straddle him. Your tongue slides against his, teeth clashing as the kiss becomes sloppier. Tom pulls away again, this time his lips shiny and starting to redden from your lips hungrily attacking each other. "Should we take this upstairs?" His voice is low and gruff, saturated with lust. You try your best to formulate words but all you can is nod your head.

Tom leads you up the stairs. He brings you to his bedroom, which you haven't been in since the first night you came to Tom's house. He closes the door behind you and dims the lights, giving the room a soft, sensual glow. Tom backs you up against the edge of the bed and you let yourself fall back onto it. Tom crawls on top of you, kissing up your neck as he comes back to your lips.

Your hands find their way under his shirt, slowly traveling up his back. Tom breaks to kiss to take his shirt off, pulling it over his head. You watch as his abdomen muscles ripple as he moves before his mouth is all over yours again. You can already feel the heat building between your legs, the wetness forming as your desire for Tom burns like a wildfire. He kisses back down your neck to your collarbone until his lips meet the fabric of your shirt. "Can I take it off you?" He asks, looking up at you. His puppy dog eyes now taking a different form, something more raw and needy.

You sit up as Tom grabs the hem of your shirt, pulling it over top of your head. "I don't think I've ever told you how great your tits are," Tom teases.

"Shut up," you laugh, shaking your head at him. You unclasp your bra, letting it slide off your shoulders. Tom's mouth practically gapes at the sight of your bare breasts.

"Wow," is all he can muster. You giggle at him as you back your way to the top of the bed, Tom following right behind you. With you on your back, he crawls between your legs, wrapping them around his waist. He slowly grinds his body against yours and you can feel his erection through his sweatpants. You palm his bulge, feeling the harness through the fabric. Tom moans into your mouth as his tongue meets yours again, warm breaths exchanged between you. Tom begins to slide down, his bare skin against yours as he goes. He kisses a trail down your neck before choosing a spot to slowly lick and caress with his tongue, gently sucking in a way that will be sure to leave a mark. His hands find your breasts, taking a handful and slowly rubbing them and creating friction against your nipples. A gentle moan leaves your lips, giving Tom the green light to let him know that you love what he's doing. After he's satisfied with the mark he's left on your neck he lowers his face to your tits, his tongue finding the nipple. Tom gently begins to suck and graze his teeth of your sensitive nipples, now hard from Tom's work. This time you let out a louder moan, knotting your fingers into Tom's hair as his warm, wet tongue focuses on your erogenous zone. Tom moves to the other side, his tongue lashing at the tender skin, driving you crazy before you're even fully undressed.

"Fuck, Tom," you let out a breathy moan. He looks up at you, nipple in his mouth and lets out a low moan. You bite your lip at the sexy sight of him. While Tom is still working on you, you start to wiggle out of your pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them with one hand. Tom notices you struggling and helps slide them off of you. With his warm mouth gone, the cold air hits your skin where he has left it wet with his tongue.

With your pants gone, you're left only in your underwear, and Tom looks captivated by the sight. "You're so fucking sexy, love," Tom practically moans. He positions his head between your thighs and kisses each one, licking his way back up. His mouth meets the fabric of your panties and he lets out a hot breath that breaks through the thin fabric. By now you're practically soaked from anticipation, desperately aching to feel his tongue on you. Tom hooks his fingers across the fabric, moving it to the side without taking them off. He licks a tantalizing slow strip up your slit, his tongue finding it's way between your slit, enveloping him in your heat. "So fucking wet for me," he moans against you. Tom's mouth feels like heaven against you, his soft lips rubbing against you, his tongue working it's way in and out of you, gliding up and down your slit. Tom grabs your ass, slightly lifting you off the bed to slide your panties down to your ankles. He spreads your legs as far apart as he can before his head finds it's place between your legs again. His lips wrap around your clit, slowly licking against the nub before grazing his teeth against it. You involuntarily gasp for air and moan, throwing your head back against the pillow as your hips buck up against his tongue. You look back down to watch Tom as he gently assaults your clit with his tongue, eyes trained on you. "Keep your eyes on me," Tom murmurs against you.

"O-okay," you manage to get out between moans. It had been a while since a guy had gone down on you but this was already a million times better than you had ever had before. Tom lets out a gentle puff of air onto your sensitive, throbbing clit. You struggle to keep your eyes open, watching Tom as he expertly works every inch of you. Your hand finds it's way to his hair again, your fingers threading through his hair, keeping his head in place. Tom's head is moving up and down now, his tongue traveling over your soaked folds. Tom has one hand on your thigh keeping you spread open as he moves the other one to hover over your clit. As his head moves down further, his thumb takes the place of his tongue, now rubbing your clit in circles.

Tom moans against you again, sending deep vibrations into you that you feel in your core. "You taste so fucking good," he groans.

"Please, fuck, please," you moan. "More." Your hips are slowly bucking in rhythm with his tongue, your juices flowing from how turned on you are. "Fuck," you gasp. "Please... fingers." Tom wordlessly responds. He lifts his head up spitting onto your opening, saliva and your juices dripping from his lips. It's messy and sloppy and probably the hottest thing you've ever seen. Tom uses his spit and your wetness to easily slide his index finger inside you. "Fucking hell," you gasp. You sit up on your elbows to get a better view of Tom as his tongue travels back to your clit, as he buries a second finger inside you. "Tom, fuck!" You cry out. Tom curls his fingers inside you, pumping them in and out, quickly picking up the pace. The faster he goes, the more stars that start to appear in your vision. "Tom, I'm getting close," you warn. You feel your body begin to get warm all over, that pit of pleasure building in your stomach. Tom begins to pick up the pace of his fingering, his tongue lapping aggressively at your clit, swirling around it and gently biting it. "Fuck, fuck!" You scream as your body starts to fall to pieces. You feel your orgasm wash over you, starting in the pit of your stomach and reaching all the way to the tips of your toes and back up. A sob escapes your throat as your toes curl and the orgasm finished wracking through your body. "Holy shit, Tom, where'd you learn to do that?"

"Practice," he says, flashing that cheeky smile at you. Although this time he has your juices drenching his lips and chin. Tom comes up from beneath your legs, planting a wet kiss on your lips. You can taste yourself on his lips but that seems to only turn you on more.

You pull away and give him a devilish grin. "My turn?"

"You're naughty," he teases. "But absolutely," Tom crawls off of you and falls beside you on his back, putting a pillow behind him to prop himself up. His hard on is still raging through his sweatpants, a small patch of precum leaking through the grey fabric. Fuck, his bulge looks big. You run your hand across his bulge, palming at his hard member. Tom hooks his thumbs over his waistband and slides his sweatpants down, cock smacking against his stomach as it jumps out from his underwear. His cock is long and hard, precum dripping from the tip. His cock is red and straining, throbbing from how excited he is. Without hesitation, you grab his cock, slowly pumping the thick meat. You rub your thumb against the head, spreading the precum over it and dragging it down his shaft. "Fuck, baby," Tom moans, head falling back against the headboard. You tease his cock, jerking him off at a tantalizingly slow pace, letting the tension build.

After teasing him with your hand, you bring your mouth down to the head of his cock and flick your tongue against it. Tom lets out a breathy moan and tangles his fingers into your hair, pushing your head down with a bit of force. You take the head into your mouth, tongue finding the sensitive spot under the tip. Tom's cock was already hard but you felt it grow rock hard in your mouth, his pre cum leaking into your mouth now, hot and salty. You bob your head up and down, opening your throat up for him. "Your mouth feels so fucking good," Tom pants, thrusting his hips up into your mouth. You grab his balls, slowly tugging at them and working them around with your fingers until his cock is buried entirely down your throat. Tears escape your eyes but you keep yourself from gagging, pulling off his cock. You lick a stripe up his shaft and back down, taking a second to play with his balls in your mouth, tongue traveling around his sack. You take his cock down into your mouth again and he thrusts up into your throat. Tom pushes you down further onto his cock, fucking your mouth. You gag a couple of times before you get the hang of it, but once you do Tom is thrusting into your throat with ease.

Tom's breathing is heavy and labored as he breaks out into a sweat. He raises up his hand, bringing it down on your ass, causing a loud smack, leaving a red hand print on your ass. "Open your legs for me, baby," he commands. You do as he says and he leans forward so he can reach you, his long fingers finding their way in your slit again. He collects your wetness and brings it to your mouth. You open up for him and taste yourself on him, your tongue dancing around his fingers. You moan onto his fingers before he pushes you back down onto his cock again. He leans forward again, this time his fingers meeting your entrance, sliding into you to the knuckle. He fingers you fast and rough, the sounds of your wetness turning him on even more.

"I can't take it any longer I need to be inside you now," Tom demands, standing up on the bed as you pull off of his cock. "Get on your hands and knees." You do as he says, positioning yourself on the edge of the bed. He gets on his knees, his face in line with your dripping pussy. He buries his face in it, tongue licking it's way through your folds, making you gasp and scream with pleasure.

"Fuck!" You moan, burying your face into his duvet. "Tom, it feels so fucking good!" As you're gasping into the pillow, Tom gets up from his knees and lines the head of his cock up with your entrance, slapping his head against your soaked folds. You bite your lip and push your hips back against him, begging to feel the fullness of his cock inside you. 

Tom teases you with his cock, holding your hips in place, making you wait and beg for him to give you what you want. "You want more?" All you can muster is a moan as you push against him harder. He slides the head inside you, slowly opening up your entrance. "So fucking tight."

"Oh, fuuuck!" You cry out, mouth hanging open as he slides another inch inside. He slides in until he's halfway in and you can feel yourself stretching around him, the heat of your tight walls adjusting to his size. "Tom, please," you hiss. "More, please." Tom adheres to your begs, sliding in the rest of his cock with a quick, hard stroke, balls slapping against you. "Ah, fuck, Tom!" You moan, gasps and hisses falling from your mouth. You try to form a sentence, tell him you love it, tell him it feels fucking amazing, tell him his cock is bringing you the most pleasure you've ever felt, but all you can muster is garbled moans and cries.

Tom starts pumping in and out of you, faster and faster, his hips slapping against yours. You can feel his cock throbbing inside you, his rhythm steady and consistent as he fills you up. Tom grabs you by the hair and pulls you up, your bodies flush against each other. He buries his face in your neck, licking and sucking on the mark he already left on you, the skin still sensitive from the earlier assault. Tom's hand travels down to your now easily accessible clit, his index and middle finger rubbing in circles in time with the rhythm of his thrusts. "You're so fucking wet... dripping down my cock," Tom grunts through gritted teeth. "Fucking hell, your pussy was made for me."

Tom pulls out of you and spins you around then pushes you back on the bed. He crawls between your legs and lifts them onto his shoulders, centering his cock with your entrancing and sliding his entire length back into with a resounding thrust. "Fuck!" You cry out, grabbing hold of his arms, feeling the veins that wrap around his muscles under the soft skin. Tom immediately picks the pace back up, the bed squeaking and shaking from the ferocity of his fucking.

"Play with yourself, I wanna see you touch your clit while I'm fucking you," Tom orders. Your hand flies down to your clit, fingers toying with yourself. It feels even better with him inside you, every thrust sending a shockwave to your core.

You throw your head back, letting your body succumb to the pleasure. "Tom! Fuck I can't...," you trail off. You try to warn Tom that he's getting you close, bringing you closer to the edge with every thrust, but the pleasure has left you unable to form words. Tom brings your legs down from his shoulders and wraps them around his waist. Tom lays his body across yours, bare skin rubbing against bare skin, gliding over the other from sweat. Tom wraps one arm behind your head, bringing your face together, lips meeting as he buries his cock deep inside you, the head rubbing against your sweet spot as he slowly grinds his hips against yours, hitting that spot deep inside you over and over. "Tom!" You moan into his mouth. You feel the pressure building in your stomach each time he buries himself deeper. You grab his hand from your waist and push it to your clit, begging him to give you your release. Tom gets the memo and starts to rub your clit in circles with the rough pad of his thumb.

"Such a dirty girl for me," he moans into your mouth. You feel your body start to convulse. You grab on to his shoulders, your walls closing in around him. Tom picks up the pace of his thrusting, burying his cock as deep inside you as he can, working on your clit harder, collecting your wetness on his fingers to use on your clit.

"Tom," you gasp. "Fuck, don't stop!" Your hips buck and your legs shake, Tom hitting your sweet spot as you feel the pressure release. The pleasure washes over you, your mouth hanging open as guttural moans escape your mouth. You close your eyes, stars swirling around your vision as you feel your orgasm reaching it's peak. Tom knows what he's doing to you and he's loving every second, feeling your walls tighten on his cock, feeling your body shake in his hands as he pushes you over the point of no return. You buck your hips onto his cock, riding out the waves of your orgasm as you start coming down.

Tom gives you a few more thrusts before he grunts in your ear, his thrusts becoming short and hard as his body tenses up. He lets out a final groan before his pulsing cock begins to spurt his ribbons of cum inside you, holding your hips steady as he realizes inside you. "Fuck!" He grunts through gritted teeth. "Fucking hell," he moans, pumping inside you, his spent cock throbbing and twitching, fucking the cum out of you, letting it drip from your opening. Tom's mouth meets yours again, tongues intertwining as you pant and moan into each other's mouths, hardly able to move from how spent the both of you are.

Breathing heavy, the air hot and sticky, Tom is the first to break the post-orgasm silence. "I can't even remember the last time I came that hard," he smiles, breaking out into a laugh.

You bury your head into your hands, hiding your face from him. "So we really did that, huh?" You peek out through your fingers to see him flash that cheeky grin at you. You start laughing and shaking your head. "Such a dork."

"A dork who made you cum harder than you ever have before," he teases, leaving one final kiss to your neck. You roll your eyes at that, even though it was the truth.

Tom gets up from the bed to grab a towel from the bathroom. He turns on the shower before coming back, placing a towel beside you. "So," he starts. "Again tomorrow?"

"Obviously," you giggle, flashing him a devilish smile. Oh boy, what had you gotten yourself into?

Taglist: @hollanddolanfangirl​ @quaksvn​ @fandom-phaser​ @hollands-osterfield​ @evanssgi​ @happytsholland​ @lu-morningstar​ @ilivefortomhholland​ @quaksonhehe​ @ninjassassin13​ @softholand​ 

[echo-three-one]

Whatever It Takes : RELOADED

Augustus' burner phone is the key to locating Nero but the team discovers that it's more than just Nero that's behind all of this. Will the former 141 soldiers find out what Nero is up to? Will Alex rescue Samantha?

Table of Contents

Hello! Ray's Back in his game!

Chapter 16 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

My Damsel in Distress

"Alex"

Task Force 141 - Disbanded

On a plane off to somewhere

General Shepherd.

The name sent Alex's blood boiling from rage. He couldn't believe that a high ranking official would actually betray them and could still run away from it.

It's no secret that he wanted 141 out of the Nero scene. But why? He knew full well that Samantha doesn't have access over the address but he still took her? And he also knew that this little team won't walk away without her safe. Alex wondered what's running inside the snow-caterpillar-stache's little brain. He couldn't even say his name now.

He clenched his fists, feeling the thick leather gloves he wore for battle. It was a devastating day for him. They just bonded for a few moments here and there and now she’s already taken away from him. He couldn’t keep count how many times it happened. It was frustrating.

“So, which safehouse are you bringing us today?” Alex joked with his former CO. Jack looked serious as always, he never gets these kinds of humor.

“Same one in Brazil. It’s the most forgotten and spacious. No one’s going to come looking for us in South America.” Jack replied, looking worriedly at Alex.

“I know when you’re preoccupied Alex. What happened afterward?” Jack turned to him and Alex knew he had to open up. He deserved the truth anyway.

“I uh… I fell for her, Jack. I know I told you that I won’t but it just hit me.”

“Like a fucking brick…” Jack interrupted and chuckled.

“All I can say is that you’ve done a better job than I did when I fell in love. I could still see your determination towards your work. Or maybe because she’s still involved in all of this.” he added, causing Alex to relax his tensed shoulders.

“It’s good to have you back, old man.” Alex shook his hand and smiled. With all the problems around him, it was good to have someone close to him to talk to. He was glad Nero didn't kill him back in the Gulag.

“Yeah. Me too, and it looks like you’ve got yourselves a determined bunch. Especially that guy.” he noted, pointing to Soap who was sitting with France. Alex remembered how the two of them met at the Gulag and in that short span of time Jack was able to read the whole guy’s personality.

“Soap? Yeah, he’s an achiever. Heard he’s top of every obstacle course back at the base.” Alex mused, looking at the two. They were sitting together quietly but Alex felt jealous. He could've been doing that with Samantha right now. Now that she's ready to hear the truth about them.

"Yeah. He's got some fight in him. I'm sure we'll defeat Nero even with this little band right here. And I'll do my best to be of assistance to you." he patted Alex's shoulder and went back to check on Nikolai.

~

Safehouse 110197, Brazil

Alex remembered that this place was compromised, but then again that was the CIA mole's henchmen that found them here and they're no longer affiliated with Nero. Or he picked this place because no one would think of going back here after being compromised. The Reverse Psychology card. Either way, Alex didn't mind.

As the team slowly scattered around the house and prepared everything, Alex took note of some changes since his last visit. More beds were added and supplies got restocked. Even the bullet cache looked reloaded.

The team loaded off everything they salvaged, or stole, from the 141 and set it all up. Ghost prioritized the tech stuff while the women fixed the bedrooms. Alex offered help but was denied by Gary saying "Your face still hurts so don't over exert yourself, we can do this on our own."

So Alex plopped by the central couch as Ghost untangle the wires, putting them on their respective slots.

"You holding up okay?" The masked man asked as soon as Alex released a deep sigh.

"I'm worried about Samantha." he replied, resting his hands on the back of his head.

"She doesn't have the address, what does Shepherd want from her?" Alex added, his tone raised like a kid complaining.

"I have no idea. But I do have something else. Information on the surprise attack at the 141." Ghost said, as Jack and Price moved toward them and discussed the contents of Augustus' phone.

"That bastard gave away our location." Price cursed.

"So his plan to disband us would be successful." Alex added and Ghost nodded.

"Why get Samantha though? He knows we'll be coming for him." Ghost added and the rest of them speculated their theories.

"Augustus failed to get her so Shepherd did it for him? For what?" Jack noted, reviewing their whole mission for reference.

"Something bigger, I presume." Price spat and everyone fell silent. The rest of the team except for Gary and Maxine gathered for a short briefing. Everyone gave away their take as to why, some of them made sense while some reasons don't add up. And thinking about it was only making them more frustrated.

Everyone looked serious until they inhaled the fresh aroma of dinner from the kitchen. Alex turned and saw Gary and Maxine, smiling while serving up the team's dinner. He could sense something him and Samantha once shared in this place and it looked like the Safe house did it's charm once again.

"Now that's bloody good cookin'" Price announced and everyone laughed. He wasn't the kind of person to say those kinds of things, but he did, and it was all they needed to ease the tension of not knowing what's next.

They never gathered like this before, together, happy and noisy. The two oldies sat on the opposite edges of the round table while Soap, France, Gary and Maxine sat beside each other on the left. Simon and Alex sat on the other side, an empty chair resided beside them.

"Don't worry lad, we'll rescue her." Price muttered and Jack nodded. Alex smiled as they started to eat some food.

"Hold on a minute!" Soap exclaimed causing everyone to halt.

"Thank you Lord for thy blessings which we are about to receive. Amen." he muttered while everyone looked at him.

"Amen!" they all said in unison and wolfed down Gary and Maxine's delicious meal.

"This tastes so good! Just like Mom used to make!" Francine chewed happily. Maxine stared at her supposed to be sister and smiled.

"It does?" she breathed.

"Mmhmm.. I was always jealous that you two were so close together in the kitchen, everything I touch turns to a culinary mess." she frowned and made everyone else laugh. Soap stared at her in amazement.

"You and me both, France." Jack agreed. The gang bonded throughout dinner and enjoyed the company. Alex volunteered on the dishes and France offered to help.

"You think she's going to be fine?" Maxine asked as she checked the contents of the fridge, looking at Alex who looked very focused on the dishes he's cleaning.

"She's been kidnapped a lot of times now. I think she's used to it." Alex attempted to joke, but the tone of his voice was far from kidding.

"Aye, That lassie's a tough one. Don't worry Alex. We'll get her, Shepherd's bound to make a mistake anytime soon." Soap commented from behind him while leaning on the kitchen island.

"I told you I can handle assisting Alex on my own!" France giggled as she wiped the plates dry.

"Aye! I know! Can't a man just enjoy some time with his girlfriend?" he raised his hand mocking surrender. France turned back and crossed her arms.

"Ahem. Girl space Friend. There's a space in between." she scolded and MacTavish just chuckled.

"Whatever you say, Babe." he joked once again as he stepped out of the kitchen.

"Ugh. That guy's so full of himself." France groaned. Alex and Maxine exchanged glances and laughed, causing the female soldier to worry.

"What?" she asked.

"You two look cute together." Maxine chuckled, closed the fridge and walked away.

"We're not together!" France yelled, making sure Maxine would hear it wherever she went.

"We will be soon!" Soap exclaimed from outside, followed by collective laughter from the group of men with him.

~

Alex groaned and looked at his watch. It's already 3:36 am and he couldn't sleep. He slowly got up and looked around. On the huge bed, Jack and Price slept peacefully as evidenced by the loud snoring. Beside him on the floor was Soap, Roach and an empty spot where Ghost was supposed to sleep. The girls occupied the guest room.

Alex slowly got up and carefully assisted his metal leg, trying not to make noise as he waltzed to the balcony where he suspected Ghost to be.

And he was right, Ghost sat by the railings on the terrace, not a single expression of fear etched on his face. A face Alex saw for the first time.

"Can't sleep?" the former CIA asked. Ghost slowly turned his head and nodded.

"I'm just contemplating…" he muttered, the tone of his voice sound defeated.

"We caught ourselves in a crazy situation, huh?" Alex chuckled trying to make the best of the situation. Ghost didn't seem to like the vote of happiness as he clicked his tongue and sighed.

"I'm into France… but it looked like she's happier with John." he spat. From what Alex heard from Roach, Ghost was not the kind of person to open up. And this was all too surprising for him.

"I… uh…" Alex stammered.

"Look, I'm also sorry… You don't have to reply… I was about to vent to Gary about this but he seemed too preoccupied with Maxine and I didn't want to bother him."

"Look, it's okay. Ghost."

"It's Simon, Simon Riley."

"It's okay Simon. That's life. You win some, you lose some." he consoled. He tried to make it as positive as possible but he was also down in the dumps, like him.

"Thanks for the honesty. I just realized how devastated you must be. I never got to hear your story until Gary told me. It must've been tough losing her over and over again." Gary talked without looking at him.

"It's like I've been cursed to lose her and save her all over again." Alex complained.

"Like Link." Simon announced like it's a great metaphor which Alex didn't get.

"Link?"

"Like from the video game. Where this knight was always out to save her damsel in distress. It's got many different variations but it's always the same name. Generations have passed and Link was always destined to save Zelda." he said in amusement.

"My damsel in distress…" Alex noted and looked up at the stars, wishing that wherever Samantha may be, he hoped she's safe and also thinking of him.

Next Chapter : Delayed Flight

Notification Squad my beloved

@smokeywhalee @samatedeansbroccoli @enderio @whimsywispsblog @beemybee @ricinbach

[zachsgamejournal]

COMPLETED: Breath of Fire 3

It is done. God is dead. Well...a self-proclaimed god. While we cheated, my son and I did beat the game...and, despite this being one of my favorite RPGs, it's uh...my first time "beating" it.

So! We crossed the desert into the futuristic city that now lies in ruins and took the elevator up to the Myria Orbital station. It's, uh, a space station connected to the earth by an elevator shaft...I guess. Concept Art

After all the wandering about, I was pretty ready to meet "God" and get this over with--but it's the finale, so they had to make it count. We wandered about, trying to feel our way around the "space station". Eventually, we found a room I had forgotten about...it had electrified floors. To un-electrify them, there are three consoles. Each console has a pattern of negative and positive signs on a grid. You have to get the three patterns to over-lap so that the postive-negative charges cancel each other out. But with three panels, you run into issues of two positives and one negative occupying the same space: thus it stays electrified.

Clever idea: yes. Fun idea: no.

One console is in the room with the floor, and the other two consoles are in a completely different room, separated by a 30 second walk not counting the one or two random battles you're likely to get. I got really frustrated, and my son went and told my wife: "That game is making daddy nuts!"

Anyway, I figured it out and moved on. This required a boss fight (easy enough cause we're cheating), which got us a keycard and special plant-killing shells for Momo. Going back to the other wing of the station, Momo uses the special shells to blow up plant vines blocking the door (not unlike a puzzle in Resident Evil 2...).

I think beyond this, we find a labyrinth of utility hallways. I had to back track a few times. Eventually we get to an indoor garden.

FLASHBACK: (not in the game, but mine)

Back when I first tried to play this game, I defeated every challenge thrown at me. I think I did have the guide to the game, but it was mostly used to help me through some sticky parts (and look at the cool art!). I made it to the final dungeon (Myria Station) but struggled to beat the final boss.

As a matter of fact. I never beat the final boss.

I needed to be a higher level. To reach that level, I did some grinding in the garden area. Mostly, you fight Plant 42s, which I loved since it was a reference to the mutated Resident Evil plant. But it shocked me to see that the exp was about 800, when there are fights elsewhere in the station that land closer to the 2k range. Surely that would have been more effective leveling?

Either way--I just never got strong enough to win the final boss.

BACK TO PRESENT:

We find Teepo here. Jack and Rei are surprised as hell! My son was excited, cause we all thought Teepo was dead. Turns out, Teepo is also a dragon, just like Jack. But instead of wandering the world with Garr and Nina, he joined the Goddess Myria who convinced him that his powers were dangerous. So he surrendered himself to her and is now her brain-washed lapdog, more or less.

Teepo causes Ryu to go into a weird dream (which we had to play twice due to game-freeze). Here, Ryu is exposed to the thoughts and anxieties of his party members. This is supposed to convince him to surrender his power like Teepo, but it doesn't.

Nina apparently struggles to please her mother by being a good, respectable princess while also trying to be herself and pursue her own sense of justice: such as helping Ryu and saving Rei!

Rei...I guess is concerned about his own power as Weretiger. Mostly, he just seems to want to help his old friend?

Garr wants to reconcile why he was ordered to kill hundreds of dragons, especially then they easily could have defended themselves--but they didn't.

Momo wants to understand all the advanced tech here, and how it could be used to better the world.

Peco is apparently the fucking tree of Yggdrassil in mobile form, and wanders about with thousands of years worth of world-knowledge, but can't communicate it to the team cause he doesn't speak English.

So anyway, Ryu doesn't relent and Teepo must be defeated. He dies and turns into a purple dragon. Rei and Ryu are sad, but yo--dick move.

Next, we have to find our way to Myria. First, there's this confusing 3 level maze of boss rooms that have you fighting past bosses, sometimes several at a time. It was annoying, and my son was done with it. WE JUST WANT TO MEET GOD!

Once through, we find a super sci-fi, futuristic room with holograms explaining Myria's intentions. The advanced world was being consumed by sand. My guess is that pollution made that world self destructive. Myria led her people to a greener, more flourishing land and then built a giant ocean between them to stop the sands. She also made the ocean very dangerous so the humans wouldn't return. Some how, she feared the power of the dragons would bring about another sand-issue, so she had them killed to save humans.

Now, this seems like a Lost scenario where Myria is no God, and likely didn't actually build any oceans. Instead, she helped people escape their self-destructive technology, and then controlled people's knowledge of tech so they wouldn't repeat past mistakes. So basically, she kept building machines and letting them fall in the ocean so they'd wash up on shore (Steel Beach). This allowed people to use machines a little, but not "make" machines.

I think she really feared dragon power as a threat to her own power, and wanted them out of the equation since they didn't submit to her rule. Since she martyred herself as a savior of humans, she felt justified in her genocide.

Ryu chooses whether to help her or fight her. But she warns that fighting her would mean facing the desert without her protection. Warning that holds little merit in my mind, cause she's a liar.

So we fought her. We defeated her.

The space station starts to crumble. Garr decides he's completed his journey and turns to stone like the other guardians. Everyone else escapes. Myria prays to God, asking, "If there is a God..." revealing that she was playing a part and did not actually know shit (like Jacob in Lost).

Afterwards, Ryu is seen joining his friends at a cliff overlooking a desert: fade to black.

Despite the many deviations the story takes for the sake of taking up time, I really enjoy this game. The world is well defined and the characters are good. Even the villains often have empathetic motivations, or perspectives that make you doubt your first conclusions. The game also tackles a variety of concepts that are morally challenging and deals with death and sacrifice in meaningful ways. It led to great conversations between my son and I. The last leg of the game is a bit tedious and shallow. I understand why they felt compelled to make it "bigger", but they used up most of their plot early on.

We cheated. We had infinite health and all that. Basically, we just killed all the grinding and retries. The game has a great story and fun mini games (and the sound track is fucking amazing!) so I don't think much is lost by skipping the tedious random battles and leveling up. If that's something you want as part of your experience, go for it.

It's just, for RPGs like this, the best things about them are story, characters, mini-games, puzzles, and exploring. The fighting is fine, and expected, but it shouldn't take up 70% of your play time when it's really only about 10% of the fun (if that).

So I feel no shame in cheating.

My son wants to play Breath of Fire 4 now. I'm excited to revisit this one (I actually beat it before (no cheating))!

[harryfreakinstyles2]

Torn (Part 5) H.S.

“What the hell are you doing here?" I whisper. My pulse instantly starts to race, partially from his presence and partially from the terror of being in a room with him and Julie at the same time.

"Julie invited me yesterday. I figured the offer still stood. And I figured you wouldn't invite me." He whispers back eyeing me down. He definitely did not like my reaction to his presence.

"You need to leave now. This is a bad idea." I whisper. I look behind me nervous but the view of the front door is just out of sight from the kitchen wall blocking the living room. Putting my hand on his chest I push him back out the front door. Hoping he will not fight me on this and just leave.

"No, I'm not leaving. We're friends now, so what's the problem?" He says testing me and even though his voice sends a shiver up my spine I want to kick him in the shin for being an ass right now. He leans in even closer so he is only inches away waiting for my response. My pulse starts racing and I hope he doesn't notice. God this boy is stubborn.

My breathing has become rapid and uneven. I notice my hand is still on his chest when I feel his heart start beating faster. I pull away quickly embarrassed I take a step away from him to help clear my head.

"Who is it, Allie?!" Julie yells from the living room making me jump slightly.

"Fine." I say coldly to him not wanting to argue with him when everyone is right inside and turn back into the apartment. I can feel him following close behind me. Why is he doing this to me? Why does he have to make this harder for me. It's like he enjoys watching me suffer.

"Look who's here," I say with a fake cheerful voice to the group as I walk back into the living room and take my seat on the floor.

"Harry!!" Julie says in her high-pitched squealing tone making my ears ring slightly.

"Hey! You guys don't mind if I join you right?" Harry responds casually while avoiding the scowl on my face.

"Of course not! But you'll have to sit on the floor with Allie because we are out of seats," Julie informs him with a smile and my body tenses. What the hell I figured at least she would have him sit with her. This just keeps getting worse.

I watch him as he slips his shoes off and makes his way towards me. He is trying to hide his delight, but I can see his smile forming which both irritates me and sends another chill up my spine at the same time. He purposely sits closer to me than necessary but luckily no one else notices. He is wearing a light grey hoodie and his usual black skinny jeans and looking so good it makes me want to scream. I start eating handfuls of my popcorn to keep myself occupied as I try not to glare at his cheerful attitude.

After a few minutes of Dylan arguing with Maya and Julie about what movie to watch the girls finally win with the classic "The Notebook" as their choice movie of the night. I have avoided speaking since I sat back down not wanting to bring attention to myself and not being able to focus on anything other than the inch of space that separates my body from Harry's. I keep my legs crossed Indian style with my popcorn in my lap trying to keep my distance. Julie finally gets up and starts the movie and then continues to shut off every light in the entire living room. And I sigh annoyed that I can't seem to catch a break tonight.

The first thirty minutes of the movie roll by without Harry moving an inch. He is completely focused on the movie. Every now and then a slight laugh escapes his perfectly shaped lips and I can't help but smile to myself even though I am still pissed at him for coming here in the first place. Realizing that Harry seems to be on good behavior tonight and is done torturing me I finally start to relax. With my popcorn gone I lean over and place the bowl on the floor next to me as I stretch my legs out in front of me. I grab my blanket spreading it out over of me as I relax back against the couch. I can see Harry looking at me from the corner of my eye. I turn to glare at him again and he makes a gesture for me to share my blanket with him. I sigh reluctantly and hand him the edge of the blanket closest to him. Pulling the blanket over his legs he takes the opportunity to close the inch of space between us. Our legs are flush against each other and our shoulders are touching, my body instantly starts to react to his as my pulse brings to race, and I can feel every inch where his body touches mine and I feel like I am on fire. I try not to move so he won't notice the effect he has on me. I casually look behind me and both Julie and Dylan are passed out leaning on Maya who is still eating a bowl of chips. Luckily both her and Sam are so focused on the movie they don't seem to notice Harry and I sitting so close together on the floor. I turn back around focusing my attention back on the movie when I feel Harry's fingertips rest just above my knee under the blanket. My eyes widen, and I do not dare to pull them away from the movie. Slowly his fingertips start to trail up my thigh and in this moment I am so happy I decided to wear pants instead of pajama shorts, so he cannot feel the goosebumps that follow the path of his touch. His slow pace is torture as my heart pounds and my breathing uneven with every inch he moves up my thigh my body tingles more. I know I should move or swat his hand away but I can't. I flinch startled from a loud crunch of Maya eating her chips behind me snapping me back to reality. Remembering the room full of people and my best friend behind me I rush to my feet to create as much space between Harry and I as I can.

"I'm getting some more popcorn!" I announce much too loud not caring as I break the silence in the room and startle everyone on the couch. I head for the kitchen stepping over Harry's long legs carefully while I glare at his barely visible face in the darkness. I see his huge grin on his face knowing he had his intended effect on me.

I stick the popcorn in the microwave and place my hands flat against the counter trying to return my breathing to normal. The effect he has on me makes me feel like I could burst into flames every time he looks at me. It has been so long since I have felt this way about anyone I almost forgot what it was like. I hear someone enter the kitchen behind me but I don't turn around. He is fucking killing me.

"Hey Allie," I hear a soft voice say but not the one I expected.

"Hey! What's up?" I respond turning around surprised to find Sam standing in front of me.

"Umm, I know this is random but I was just wondering if you had any plans this coming Friday night?" He asks while staring at the floor his usual awkwardness heightened tonight.

Right now?! You have to be kidding me! I know exactly where this is going and I panic not wanting to answer his question. But maybe this is good. Maybe this is exactly what I need. Maybe this will make Harry stop his merciless taunting.

"Uhh, I work in the morning but besides that, I'm free," I say casually bracing myself for his response.

"Is there any chance you would like to go out on Friday? With me?" Sam mutters too fast while still looking at the floor he says exactly what I have been anticipating for months. Why he waited until now when things are complicated I have no idea. But things are not complicated really I realize. So despite the gorgeous guy who just had me almost hyperventilating sitting on my living room floor two minutes ago I answer with a simple, "That sounds great."

My answer takes him by surprise and his head snaps up so fast I feel like he may have whiplash but a smile takes over his entire face and I cannot help but smile back.

"Awesome! I'll text you this week and we can make a plan," he tries to say casually but I can practically feel his excitement.

"Sounds good," I answer with a smile.

He turns and walks into the bathroom across from the kitchen and I sink back against the counter once again and sigh deeply. This is not where I saw tonight going. The microwave beeps and I grab my popcorn pouring it into the bowl and go to head back into the living room to face Harry again. Turning to leave I nearly smack right into him. He looks pissed but there is also a sadness in his eyes that I have not seen before and it cuts me to my core. His mood has shifted from five minutes ago and I can feel the tension between us. He doesn't say a word and I know he heard Sam and I's conversation. I rack my brain to find something to say to him but it's blank. I don't have any reason to need to explain anything to him but I still feel like I need to.

"Harry," I say reaching my hand out to touch him but he pulls away quickly.

He turns walking away from me and I don't say a word as I follow him back to the living room. What is there to say. I watch helplessly as he puts on his shoes and walks right past me and out the door without a word. I feel like my head is spinning so much has happened in the last ten minutes I can't think straight. I don't know why he is so pissed. Nothing is going on between us. Besides him torturing me. He has no reason to be upset that I am going on a date with Sam. But I think he is and it confuses the hell out of me.

"Is he okay?" Julie says looking at me confused by the strange scene that just unfolded.

"Yeah, he said something about not feeling well and that he has to be up early for work so he decided to head home I guess," I say shrugging my shoulders as I lie to her with ease. I realize I don't even know what he does for work. My stomach turns with guilt for lying to Julie again but I couldn't explain what just happened even if I wanted to.

Sam smiles at me as I walk back to my spot on the floor and take a seat, but I pretend not to see it because I can't return it right now. I feel utterly helpless and like a complete jerk. Why didn't I say anything. And why should I feel guilty, it is not like I am cheating on him. We are not even together. We barely know each other. But for some reason I can not focus on the last bit of the movie with Harry's sad eyes stuck in my head. Not be able to take it any longer I pull out my phone.

Me: "Can we talk? Please!" I text Harry and wait for a reply.

He doesn't have a reason to be mad at me when I told him we could only be friends. He knows that is all I can offer him because of Julie. But it still does not stop me from feeling guilty and shattered by the look on his face when he left. I continue to check my phone every two minutes for the remainder of the movie but Harry never texts me back and the pit in my stomach keeps growing. Everyone gets up starting to chat when the movie finally finishes, but I feel even less like talking than I did before.

"I am heading to bed. Night everyone," I say to the group not waiting for a response and walk into my room and shut the door.

Collapsing on the bed with a sigh. I pull up Harry's contact on my phone, his name just the smirking emoji. I thought it suited him. I put it just in case someone saw him pop up on my phone. By someone I mean Julie. I hit the call button this time and listen to the ringing through the little speaker. It rings again and again until it finally gets to the automated voicemail.

"Ughhhh!" I groan loudly. I wish I would have said something to him. Anything would have been better than this.

Accepting that I will not be hearing from him tonight I put my phone on my nightstand and grab my planner to make sure I did all my homework that's due for class tomorrow before sleep finally takes over.