#it doesn't matter though. my brain says this is something I need to be panicking about. so I wake up feeling sick to my stomach

[cannibalisticskittles]

grousing about my research paper when my sister came home, stressing about how i really need to be working on it and spending a lot of time on it and I'm anxious to get it done.

she asks me when it's due

october 18th, i say

i'll fucking kill you, she says

[heybank]

umm so i wrote a little fic/blurb idk i don't think it's good but it's something that's been stuck in my head for a while with my own little oc named grace but her name is only mentioned a few times so it could totally be ignored and seen as reader.

anyway this is my first ever fic so please be kind to me and if you have suggestions or other fic ideas i'd love to hear them.

not proof read and lowercase intended.

and if you think it's awful please lie to me i'm fragile 😔

deny

you are a lover girl. a hopeless romantic, someone who dreams of finding "the one" and living happily ever after. kie often says you tend to fall in love a little with everyone you meet. you can't help it though, you have so much love in you, it feels like you'll burst at the seams if you don't share it with others.

you think you're in love with your best friend jj maybank. no one understands you the way the wild blond haired boy does. no one can communicate with you with just a single look the way jj does. no one makes your heart beat out of your chest and your tummy flutter the way his dimpled smile does, eyes crinkling at the corners, a slight sunburn on his nose because lord know that boy doesn't use the sunscreen you bought him.

so yeah you're in love with jj maybank but then yesterday a different boy kissed you. pope heyward, your other best friend, genius extraordinaire whom you thought was maybe in love with kie but no- he kissed you and you felt a tingle in your ever beating heart. heat filled your cheeks and your ears became fuzzy. that was a new feeling when it came to pope. it made you excited to explore because as much as you love jj, you don't think the boy would ever return your undying affection because your friendship meant too much.

----

you stood in the threshold of popes bedroom, gasp stuck in your throat, eyes wide and mouth open at the sight before you. you’re not sure how to process what you’re seeing.

before you on the bed that pope kissed you on not even 24 hours ago, is jj maybank, your closest friend, kissing the heyward boy.

so many emotions flow through you at the sight before you.

shock because not once has jj; or pope for that matter mentioned or even hinted that they liked men- or each other. then again, jj has always liked beautiful people and pope is certainly that.

sadness because you and pope had literally just kissed. maybe you were naive to think a simple kiss meant something more to the boy, but it was pope, you don't think there's a mean bone in his body. then again you’ve always been too much of a romantic, too blinded to really see what’s in front of you. blinded by your want and need to be loved that perhaps you create situations in your mind that you interpret as reality? maybe you need to contact your therapist again. you're sounding even more delusional than before.

lastly, you feel jealousy. the angry green monster rumbling around in your tummy, making its way up your throat. you’re not sure what exactly is making you jealous because the image of the two boys kissing is surely confusing. are you jealous because pope is kissing another person who isn’t you? a part of you is jealous because he’s kissing jj. or maybe it’s that jj is kissing pope or that maybe they’re kissing eachother and they're not kissing you? you're not sure at this point. dear diary jealousy is a disease babes, and you are infected.

you must have made a noise because next thing you know, the two boys are pulling apart, a string of spit still connecting them and for a second your love rattled brain is jealous of it. the spit that is, because deep down you’ve always known that you wanted them both… to be the one to connect them. you feel slightly crazy being jealous of spit.

jjs face goes beat red and then flushes pale, like a ghost. he looks terrified and like he might vomit all over the floor in a second.

“grace!” popes panicked voice reaches your ears but they’re still kind of ringing from the shock of seeing your supposedly straight best friends kiss.

in your heartbroken haze you wonder if you're being a bad ally right now. you love the gays you swear! you just never pictured pope and jj as being a part of the gays ™.

you clear your throat, “jb and kie are waiting for us downstairs. we were going out on the boat today, remember?”

you try and say that as gently as possible because jj still looks like he’s going to pass out and pope isn’t much better.

popes hands are shaking as he reaches for you and a part of you wants to pull away but you’re not mean. you’ve never been mean so even if your feelings are hurt you’ll always put your best friends feelings above your own. and it looks like pope needs to touch you. maybe to hold your hand and reassure him you’re really standing there, witnessing something that you probably shouldn’t have.

so many emotions flicker through popes eyes. you can’t really see his blush but you’re sure if you touch his face it would be hotter than the sun.

pope grabs your hands in his shaking ones. you can feel how clammy they are and you hazard a look back to jj who has yet to even move. you’re a little concerned he’s gone into shock.

you let out a soft sigh and smile at the boys, a smile that is mostly genuine.

you squeeze popes hand and make eye contact with the panicked blonde boy on the bed.

“it’s ok jj. i won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.” you speak kindly, as if you’re talking to a scared feral cat.

you only see jj swallow hard. “for what it’s worth, i understand the appeal... wanting to kiss pope and all.” you tease hoping to cut the obvious tension in the room. you feel like you're the one choking now.

jj and pope both let out huffs like they’re afraid to laugh but also relieved you’re not upset.

“you’re not mad?” jj croaks like he still has a frog lodged in his throat. he looks at you with soft wonder, like you’re the best thing in his life. his stare makes your tummy flutter.

“of course not. you guys are my best friends. i only ever want you to be happy!” you reply honestly. jj deserves happiness after the shit life he’s been dealt. he deserves good things and if you have to set aside your feelings in order for him to have good things then by golly you’ll do that.

“grace, about yesterday-“ pope starts off,

“don’t worry buddy, already forgotten.” you cut him off. hopefully saving him the strife of having to apologize to you about the kiss and saving you the embarrassment of him telling you he regrets your kiss. you don't think you could survive hearing that out loud.

you march over to jj still holding popes hand, effectively dragging the boy with you. you throw your arms tightly around jjs neck and after a heartbeat, jj returns your hug. you move your head to look at pope and nod at him, encouraging him to join the hug.

“now c’mon. you know how pissy jb gets when he’s made to wait” you giggle.

you lead the boys out of popes room and home and into the twinkie without giving them an option of saying no.

“finally! i thought y’all died or something. what took so long” john b huffs in exasperation.

“my fault jb!” you quickly chirp so the boys don’t have to panic and think of a lie “pope showed me the new book he got and it’s my favourite and i starting gushing and you know me i can’t shut up and… well i forgot why i went up to get them in the first place” you giggle with a sheepish smile.

“you’re so lucky you’re cute, grace” kie laughs teasingly.

you see pope and jj making eye contact. you have a feeling you might need to play therapist for them soon. pope doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings without beating around the bush and well, jjs favourite thing to do is deny deny deny.

actually, that’s exactly what you’re gonna do too! deny you have feelings for pope. deny you have feelings for jj. deny you ever saw them kiss and deny that them kissing only upset you because you weren’t a part of it. deny that a part of you enjoyed it. deny that your feelings matter in this situation and deny that if given the chance, you’d love to be in between a beautiful jj maybank and pope heyward sandwich.

yep, deny deny deny. this is gonna be a long freaking summer.

[richduckz]

I got a fic idea from another dream, my brain clearly knows my interests.

Warnings: Megatron attempting redemption (oh no), Stockholm syndrome, PTSD, trauma, Training, implied interfacing, minor Starscream OOC

Megastar where they both live together now post war. Starscream has Stockholm syndrome (how else could any mech logically forgive their abuser and then still choose to stay with them) and Megatron is genuinely doing his best to atone for his past crimes. The one he needs the most atonement from is from his SIC, who he abused to no end. Looking at his seekers smile when they're together only wretches his heart deeper, knowing that Starscream too had something wrong with him, and that Megatron was taking advantage of him, no matter how genuine their feelings were.

This culminates in a scene where Megatron experiences a bad reflux charge beside starscream. Concerned, starscream reaches out, only for Megatron to catch him and begin beating him, choking him without saying a word. Megatron realises what he's done and immediately backs off, back slamming into the wall opposite the berth, mouthing apologies that came out as nothing but whispers.

Starscream goes into shock, scrambling to the top of their berth, shaking in fear of what comes next. It was always a beating, and the beatings always start slow. He deserved it. What did he do? He deserved it. He always does. It's always his fault.

Megatron quickly collects himself and tries to console starscream, who'd been reduced to a ball of pleading for mercy and apologies. Megatron knows what he's done and knows he can't take it back. He needs to make the situation better, but doesn't know how. He reapproaches the berth, facing starscream, and places a servo on his shoulder, causing starscream to flinch away into himself. Megatron doesn't relent, lightly tightening his grip on his shoulder, feeling how starscream shivered and whimpered at every slight movement.

Megatron immediately gets hit with another pang of regret. He operated with a might makes right mindset all his life, and only recently realised how wrong it was, and how twisted he had been.

Once upon a time, he relished in this sight. His arrogant second in command, now begging for mercy beneath his pedes. Now though, it was a spark-wrenching sight.

Wrapping his seeker into a hug, he tries to explain himself, and apologises for what he did. In turn, he got no response from him, just a continuation of meaningless pleadings for mercy, and endless shaking from fear.

There was no way to fix him. Megatron couldn't bear to leave him alone in this state, not with the new profound empathy he had gained.

Megatron's mind raced, panicking on what to do next. He then remembered what they always did whenever Megatron had beaten starscream senseless. They always had interface afterwards. Dare he say that sometimes it even seemed like starscream got on his nerves on purpose.

With that twisted pleasurable memory in mind, Megatron decides that's the only way to snap starscream out of it. Totally not because he wanted interface.

He winced at the thought of having to roleplay as the ruthless, merciless warlord he was a few years ago, but carries on.

He faces starscream, and their optics meet. Starscream's optics were a bright ruby red, and shaking, observing Megatron's every move. Clearly staracream realised that he had no escape now.

With a heavy heart, Megatron leans into starscream's audials, and whispers

"you know what to do now"

Immediately starscream slides down the berths headboard, and lays on his back. Shakingly, he spreads his thighs open, modesty panel sliding to reveal his valve.

Megatron felt sick inside. He denied his feelings fervently, but it's clear he's lying to no one but himself. He missed this. He wanted this.

And well, he always considered himself an opportunist. What's wrong in making the best of a situation like this?

[part-time-zombie]

Old Habits

pairings: anxceit (platonic, can be seen as romantic)

summary: virgil remembers how to deal with nightmares and panic attacks, and he doesn't want to remember who used to be there to help him. janus isn't forgetting anytime soon.

tags: panic attack, probably poorly described, nightmares, emotional hurt/comfort, angst, janus still cares, virgil wishes he didn't

word count: 1711

a/n: i wrote this after reading a post(?) saying how you can deal with anxiety/panic attacks by sucking on an ice cube so the cold shocks you out of the panic, and i decided to use it for this fic.

Virgil was used to nightmares. He’s had to deal with them for most if not all of his life, and by now he’d gotten used to bolting awake in the middle of the night, heart pounding in his ears. When that happens, he usually only needs a minute or two to get a hold of himself before he can lie back down and go back to bed. Sometimes, he needs to resort to more extreme measures. Music helps, as does pacing back and forth down the hall until his nerves finally ease up. Still, he remembers the nights when he’d all but fall out of bed, breathless and panicked and in desperate need of proof that he was alright. Those nights used to be easier before.

Tonight is one of those nights, with a particularly terrible dream haunting him even after he woke up with a scream trapped in his throat. He looked around the room, seeing nothing but danger in every shadow and corner. He wasn’t safe here, he needed to get out.

Throwing the sheets aside and standing on shaky legs, Virgil stumbled to his door and all but fell into the wall on the other side of the hall with a painfully loud thud. Sliding numbly down the wall, he collapsed limply to the floor, the impact forcing a gasp from him. He tried to think past his own pounding heartbeat and the tightness in his chest to get his bearings. He needs to get up. The others could have heard him, they’ll wake up and see him like this and it’ll only get worse. He needs to go, if not to his room then downstairs to the living room. He can ride the rest of this out on the couch there.

One look at the stairs left him reeling. Bad idea, there was no way he would be able to make it down those without falling and breaking his neck. He can’t stay here, though. He has to at least try to stand, before he gets seen by-

“Virgil?”

Janus’ visage crept into his periphery, and Virgil felt like the world was going to end. Why did it have to be Janus? It could have been anyone else and he wouldn’t have complained, but it had to be Janus that found him like this. As if tonight couldn’t get any worse.

“Another nightmare, I gather?” Janus asked.

Virgil couldn’t respond even if he wanted to. His chest was tight and his heart was pounding in his ears and he couldn’t breathe.

“Guess so.”

Janus moved closer, eventually kneeling down until he was eye level with Virgil. There was no mockery or coldness in his eyes, only understanding.

“I’m not going to ask you to talk, but I do need you to try to breathe. Can you do that?”

Virgil did his best to nod, forcing his lungs to work even if by a little. It was tough, and almost painful to draw even a small breath, but he still tried to at least start breathing. He had to try; it was the first step in calming back down and he knew that, but getting his brain to cooperate right now was nearly impossible.

“The floor can’t be very comfortable for you. Would you rather have a breakdown on the couch or in my room? Something tells me your room would only make matters worse, but if you want we can still do that.”

Virgil tried to focus past the panicked haze in his head to think. He really doesn’t want to be in the hall. Someone would see him, well, someone else, and the floor was cold and hard and only made it harder to calm down. His bed was comfortable enough, but his mind was still insistent on it being unsafe. That’s where the nightmare was from, he’s not going back there.

Janus offered his room, and as nice as it sounded to collapse into a bed and be wrapped warmly in weighted sheets, it couldn’t be Janus’ room to do that. It just couldn’t.

The ache in his chest made the simple act of talking painful, so Virgil instead jerked his head in the direction of the stairs, hoping Janus would get the hint.

Janus understood, shifting until he was kneeling beside him. “I’m not about to have you walk while you’re like this, which means I have to carry you. Any complaints?”

Virgil had many, but it’s not like he was capable of voicing them right now. Not when it felt like his whole chest had collapsed. As long as he made it to the couch in one piece, he’d be fine. He can always sucker punch Janus for it later.

Virgil begrudgingly nodded, and Janus immediately picked him up with ease. He held Virgil in a slightly more dignified version of the princess carry, and slowly walked down the stairs, letting Virgil's head fall heavily against his chest the whole while. It was beyond embarrassing being held like this by Janus of all sides, but hearing his steady heartbeat guiding his own into a more relaxed rhythm was unfortunately very helpful, and Virgil wished he didn’t find some level of comfort from it.

Janus made it to the couch and carefully set Virgil down, giving him enough space to get comfortable again before speaking.

“Now, try to breathe again. You know you need to do that to start feeling better.”

Of course Virgil did, this happens all the damn time. The problem is, it’s hard to do anything when he can hardly think, and right now it felt like his lungs were being squeezed so tightly they’d explode. He couldn’t try to breathe right now; he could hardly think about anything other than the horrible pain in his chest.

Janus seemed to notice, as he sighed and straightened back up.

“Right. Just keep trying and I’ll be right back, alright?” he said, before walking off somewhere behind him.

For the briefest of moments Virgil felt himself panic at his sudden absence, but he tried his best to focus on his breathing instead. Why the hell should he be upset about Janus leaving? It’s not like they’re close, he has no reason to care about him. God, he’s probably waking Remus up so he can make things worse. They’ll both come back and laugh so loudly that the others will wake up too. Virgil felt his lungs burning from a lack of oxygen, and he realized all too quickly that he had stopped breathing again. He couldn’t breathe. Janus left him, he’s going to make this worse, he’s going to let him die here on the couch, he’s-

“Didn’t I tell you to keep breathing?” Janus teased, returning to his side. Virgil noticed he was alone, with no one else there to make a scene.

“I was just getting something, alright? Let’s try to breathe again, shall we?”

Virgil could hardly listen to what he was saying, but he knew he had to get his lungs to work again. Closing his eyes and focusing as best as he could, he forced as much air as possible into his lungs. Granted it wasn’t a lot, and it hurt like hell, but it was a start.

“That’s it, now try to say something for me.”

Virgil opened his mouth to at least try to talk, only to feel something startlingly cold forced past his lips. He gasped, trying to spit it out, but Janus held his hand firmly over his mouth before he could even try.

“It’s ice from the freezer, sweetie. I’m not trying to kill you or anything. I know it’s cold, and that’s the point. Focus on that and nothing else.”

How the hell could he think about anything other than that? The ice was almost painfully cold, and he was forced to swallow the melting water as it thawed in his mouth. His lungs opened up, working to regulate the sudden shift in internal temperature, and Virgil felt his heart eventually slow down as a result. The longer the ice stayed in his mouth, the more he found himself focusing on the cold instead of the nightmare from earlier and the fear that followed. In fact, it was getting far easier to breathe, and the realization reminded Virgil to take deeper breaths, much to Janus’ approval.

By the time the ice had fully melted, Virgil was finally breathing normally again. Janus withdrew his hand with a smile, taking a seat next to him on the couch.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Virgil said with a nod. “Thanks.”

“Of course. Now what do you say to a drink?”

Virgil looked over at him, where he was already holding a glass of ice water.

Now that he mentioned it, Virgil was awfully thirsty. He shrugged before taking the glass in a slightly shaky hand and drinking heartily, poorly feigning an attempt at looking nonchalant.

“I’m guessing you don’t want to tell me what had you so spooked?”

“You guessed correctly,” Virgil rasped in response, the glass already nearly empty by the time he had finished his drink. “I also don’t want to talk about tonight with you later. As far as I’m concerned, it didn’t happen at all.”

“It’s not like anything different happened.”

“That’s the thing. This used to be normal, stuff like this happening between us, but now…“ Virgil sighed. “Now I just don’t know.”

Janus gave him a soft look, one that almost looked hurt. “Why not? This new normal doesn’t have to destroy what we had before. Who’s to say we can’t fall back into routine every now and then? I’ve already looked past everything that happened between us. The only one holding a grudge here is you.”

“Can you blame me?”

Janus sighed, eyes downcast. “No, I suppose not. Just know, I’ll still be around if you ever need me. I still remember what to do for you, and I’ll always help you out.”

“Why?”

Janus gave him a small but wistful smile. “Old habits.”

With that he rose from his seat and returned to his room, leaving Virgil by himself on the couch. Even after all this time, Janus still knew him. Virgil almost wished he didn’t.

@lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @new-zee-land @rougeside4 @britt-ish123 @nico-the-overlord @can-i-take-a-stab @keitaisghost @yuckypuppie

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hail sex witch! I recently went in for my first pap smear/pelvic exam (prior to which I read your blog posts about them which helped more than I can express, thank you!) It was overall comfortable and I would even say a good experience because they answered a lot of questions I had and explained some basic stuff that I really needed spelled out for me. The only thing was that for a few weeks after the appointment I didn't want to touch/look at/think about my vagina whatsoever. It was just this weird feeling of vague but powerful embarrassment, which I would have expected during the appt itself but not after the fact. I didn't even want to catch glimpse of myself when undressed, and was showering with the lights off lol. Even though this didn't last long I also do not want to go back to those doctors and want to start over with a strange doctor, even though the doctor I saw was very good and likeable and helpful and absolutely nothing unpleasant happened during the appt. (I don't plan on changing doctors; I liked these ones! But there's still this unreasonable urge to book my next appointment somewhere else).

I know a big part of your philosophy seems to be that "is this normal" is often not a very useful question, but I guess that's what I'm asking anyway - is this a thing other people experience? Is it just part of the experience of being in a somewhat vulnerable position with strangers, no matter how much you trust said strangers? Or is it some weird quirk of my brain that I'll have to adjust for in the future? It didn't interfere with my life overmuch, but it's still a very strange thing to be so uneasy with your own body and have no idea why.

hi anon,

so, okay, I'm going to tell a short story, and it's not going to seem related initially, but I promise it is.

I really like getting tattoos. I have several of them now, and I like getting them! not just the final result of having meaningful art on my body; I like the actual process of feeling the needle vibrating into my skin and permanently changing me in a manner of my choosing. it feels good exciting; it gives me a little rush of dopamine even as the pain starts to kick in and in spite of any blood that oozes through. that's fine with me, because those are side effects of new tattoos that I know about and consent to by showing up in the shop, but here's the thing:

my body doesn't know the difference between "somebody cut our skin open and we're bleeding (consensual)" and "somebody cut us open and we're bleeding (holy shit go into crisis)." after my last tattoo, I was walking home (I live like ten minutes from the shop, it's fine) and although I was delighted, I realized I was also lightheaded and cold, and upon getting home was fucking exhausted because my body was, you know, panicking in the way that bodies do when they've been injured. on one level I understand that this is something I explicitly sought out, asked for, and paid for the privilege; on another level, my body thinks a trauma happened.

so, let's talk about what's happening with you.

on one level, your exam was an appointment that you made, presumably, voluntarily, knowing full well that it might be uncomfortable and awkward but undergoing it willingly because you know that preventative care is important. even know telling me about it, you recognize that this was an objectively good and even comfortable experience and that you received good care from doctors that you like who answered your questions and gave you helpful information!

but on another level, what your body knows and is responding to is that you were in a new situation in which your body was subjected to examination and penetration that you're not accustomed to, in a way that may have caused aches and pains you've never experienced before. pretty understandably, your body is under the impression that something traumatic has occurred.

the reactions you're describing - feeling alienated from your vagina, not wanting to see your own body - are often described by people who have survived sexual assault; it's a coping mechanism to distance yourself from the site of your pain. likewise, wanting to avoid going back to the physical place where the discomfort occurred is understandable - it's not rational, but who cares? feelings rarely are; you still have to deal with them anyway. it's completely understandable why you would subconsciously want to avoid going back.

it is very important to me to say this: it's absolutely fine that you are reacting this way. you're not being unreasonable or immature or overreacting or anything else; this is not your fault and you have nothing to blame yourself for or to apologize for. we're going to feel these feelings and be observant and respectful, and feel them without shame rather than try to bottle them up and ignore them. give yourself the space to feel discomfort and be kind to yourself while you work through it.

you've said that this has largely passed, save for the urge to book your next appointment elsewhere. I'm glad this isn't an ongoing source of daily unpleasantness, but it is very much something to be aware of for the future. some people, for various reasons, need to plan for some extra-strength gentleness and self-care around their pelvic exams and pap smears, and if you're one of those people then that's fine! and very good to know!

it's useful information to have for the future, and I hope that next time you're due for such an appointment you can a.) arrange to do whatever makes you feel most cared for afterwards (for some people it's netflix and a bubble bath, for others it's rock climbing, chase your bliss) and b.) stay in touch with the healthcare providers who gave you such excellent service this time. as intimidating as it can be to bring up concerns, it sounds like you were lucky enough to have a lovely bunch, and it sounds like asking them for any extra accommodations you may need to help put you at ease and keep the procedure as quick and painless as possible will be received well.

those accommodations can also look like a lot of different things. the first time I got a pap smear I prefaced the exam by letting my gyno know that it was my first time, penetration isn't pleasant for me, and that I'd likely swear a lot throughout; she was an angel about it. at my most recent exam I was having a rough time and asked for a break, which my (very cute, very gay, god what a weird way to meet a woman) gyno was happy to provide; she removed the speculum and I did some centering breathing until I felt good to finish up.

so, to answer your questions a little more neatly: yes, this is a thing other people experience for a variety of reasons, especially when their body thinks it's been hurt - which, in a way, you were, because your body is very good at being a body but not always great at nuance.

I think it's a little of column a, little of column b, in regards to your second question. maybe there is a part of your brain that will never feel fully at ease with this kind of vulnerability, but you can certainly help it feel safe and cared for as much as possible. I hope that having a little insight into why can help you do that.

[emeraldtart]

TWST X Ben 10 (ft. Methanosian/Swampfire!Yuu)

Guess who just get back into Ben 10 brain rot?

So Swampfire!Yuu is a random Methanosian from Undertown. They were just minding their own business one night, when a horse-pulled carriage drove straight towards them.

When they woke up, they're in a dark place. They heard a voice, smelt smoke and thought, 'Oh, good thing I'm fire proof... Wait, I have METHANE GAS in me, shi-'

Needless to say, everyone is alerted by a huge explosion coming from the Mirror Chamber.

Crowley came to the chamber just in time to see something came out of the coffin.

It was a pair of legs, but not for long.

Because right in front of his eyes, the dismembered lower half regenerates a torso, then a pair of arms, and finally a head with red and yellow petals.

The people in Twisted Wonderland better gets used to this fast, because this is going to be a common sight later on.

Somehow, throughout the entire ordeal, the ceremonial robes are alright.

So after the trauma that is seeing an entire alien regenerate their entire body, Crowley asks the Dark Mirror to send Yuu back.

"This soul is a seedling from a world beyond the stars, far from my reach. This soul is not from this world,"

With that being said, Crowley takes Yuu to the library in order to research more about their home.

Crowley: You know, since wherever you came from is not listed in any history books... The only explanation is that you're from another planet,"

Methanosian!Yuu:... Yeah, about that...

After Crowley got past his initial shock and existential crisis of Yuu being an alien FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION AT THAT, he let Yuu lives in Ramshackle until he finds a way to send Yuu back to their home.

Yuu likes Ramshackle. The dead plants and weeds reminded them of their homeworld, Methanos. Which doesn't help their homesickness at all.

Yuu accepts Grim wholeheartedly, since they understand the feeling of being an outcast. Since their species has such a rotten smell (that also got worse when summer comes), not much aliens even like to be near them.

Yuu likes to garden. But every single vegetation is native to Methanos. In other words it's either explosive, flammable, poisonous or a combination of two or more. Apparently they keep the seeds inside their body, which is something.

The only exception is the plants that was given to Yuu by Malleus. Malleus give Yuu exactly one rose, and the next week there was a giant rosebush covering one wall of the Ramshackle Dorm.

Swampfire!Yuu is self-conscious about their smell. They don't have many friends outside of their Methanosian ones because of it.

Although, over time Jack, Ruggie and Leona got over it. It became a background smell of sorts, and after Chapter 3 they no longer mind it.

Unfortunately, Che'nya and Cheka doesn't. The moment Yuu came near them they fainted.

Because of their insane regenerative abilities, Yuu always threw themselves into danger.

The first year squad are unfazed after a while.

So when Yuu was smashed flat by a rubble, and everyone is panicking, they're just chilling because they all knew they will regenerate a few seconds after.

Blooming

And let's not forget about the blooming.

I personally headcanon that when Methanosians blooms, they need more nutrients so that the process become quicker and much less stressful.

They're also much more aggressive when it happens.

Unfortunately, no matter the AU, Yuu is still the prefect. So Crowley still give Yuu work to do even though Yuu already warns him about their blooming coming soon.

When the week rolls in, Yuu became much more snappy and easier to anger.

They've also been eating a lot of meat, to the point that they've been eating Grim's tuna.

They've been skipping class, so Ace, Deuce, Grim, Jack, Epel, Ortho and Sebek tries to find Yuu.

They didn't find where Yuu is. They've searched everywhere.

The greenhouse, Ramshackle, the library. They even checked the other classrooms.

So as the group go to the dining hall to rest before going back on their search, they heard screaming from the hall.

Jack smelt the rotten smell that accompanies Yuu, and lead the group to the kitchen.

Where they saw a group of ghost cooks and fairies trying to stop Yuu from devouring every piece of meat in the kitchen.

Jamil, Leona, Floyd and Ruggie are also there. Leona and Floyd tries to pry Yuu off using brute force, but even though Leona is using his claws Yuu doesn't seem to care.

Jamil is shooting magic at Yuu, hoping they would stop all of this madness. Of course, it doesn't do anything when they could just heal their injuries.

Ruggie used Laugh With Me, but Yuu just uses their vines to grab the meat. And Ruggie can't control those.

Yuu smacked Ruggie with their vines and rush out of the kitchen, yelling about how it isn't enough.

So everyone went to Crowley asking him explain what's going on.

When they find out, they were equal parts confused and equal parts livid.

Confused because all that happened... Is because Yuu is going through some sort of alien puberty?

And livid because Crowley knew and he ignored all the warnings that Yuu put up.

Fortunately, Deuce got an idea on how to solve the problem.

They first went to Scarabia and asks for every single meat available, and laid it out at Ramshackle.

Malleus helps out after he heard what happened.

Malleus: That explains why the Prefect was raiding Diasomnia's pantry this morning.

Leona: Excuse me, they did what?

Turns out Diasomnia's pantry was the first to be raid, to everyone's surprise.

Malleus just let them because he thought its just normal alien behaviour.

At least that saves Diasomnia from Lilia cooking lunch.

Now comes the hard part; Yuu.

Fortunately, they were hungry enough that they willingly chase Ace, Deuce and Grim riding on Jack and Epel and Sebek riding on horseback, a piece of juicy beef in hand as bait.

So the guys all watched from the safety within Ramshackle as Yuu began devouring the meat to their heart (do their species even have one?) content.

And then. They stopped.

And everyone panicked as Yuu's face began to peel off.

It lasted for a very tense half an hour, but they began to move again.

"What happened? Why am I outside?"

Their blooming went without a hitch, and Yuu is back to their senses.

If you didn't count the massive damage they did when they were hangry.

Kalim celebrated Yuu's 'coming of age' with a barbecue, since there's still leftover meat outside.

Yuu thoroughly apologise later on for what they've done.

[marahuyos]

The Take over, the Breaks Over

The island gave you plenty of opportunities to pick yourself back up: a paying job, a decent apartment, nice landlord, and not to mention how many people are looking towards making music ever since the new ambassador of Vandelay Industries was a rockstar.

That is, if you were still allowed to perform.

And so, you were left trying to light that spark in you again by performing in clubs. Not the best place to start but hey, at least they let you be on the stage.

You were happy to play in front of a crowd that barely appreciates you, so why does this brunette with a running mouth is trying to pry into your life?

Chai (Hi-Fi RUSH) X GN!Reader

A/N: IM BACK WITH MY NEW HYPERFIXATION SKSSKKSKS this game has truly been in my brain ever since it got secretly launched and I've wanted to take a jab and write for this since Chai has checked all of my criteria for my old childhood crush tropes (brunette, dork, and a loser: is2g this is like my addiction towards hiccup back when httyd released askdjakdjas)

anywayyy, hope you guys enjoy this hastily written fic! i wont drop it like how i dropped start of a new fool swear skkssdklfdsjk

The coffee machine's beat was always colored brown.

Not the ugly type of brown, it's the brown that you would see when peering over a mug of steaming hot espresso. Or it could be the gradient of a cafe americano with the ice clinking gently against the cup. Or it could be the famous chocolate almond donut that the cafe sells that the people who love to be active on their social media take pictures of.

To you, though, it was just the machine's way of saying that it was just another day.

Presenting a baggie of cookies, you gave them to the next techie that needed her sugar high. With a polite smile, you waved her goodbye as she left the cafe, humming the same song the radio was playing.

Her voice was spicy even though she was humming, with ranges of orange and red. Hard to believe someone with colors like that would love sugary treats.

A call of your name shook you out of your little reverie. A droid coworker waved behind the counter. "Is number 34 ready yet?"

You nodded, getting the packaged cake and wrapping it in its delivery box before giving it to J4R-D1. Raising your hands, you presented the instructions to him as the drone groaned.

"Seriously, why am I stuck with delivering and managing Madeleine's crummy party for the fifth time this week?"

You shrugged, giving him a hapless smile as you patted his shoulder.

He rolled his optics, getting the box and left but not before stopping at the door. "Oh yeah, your friend down south wants you to be there earlier than usual. Something about meeting important clientele or something."

You nodded waving him goodbye and a safe trip (and good luck) before setting aside your apron and timing out your shift. With your work "uniform" gone, you grabbed your case from underneath the counter and jumped across it.

"That time already?" Your boss called out from the kitchen. You nodded at him before waving goodbye with a hopeful smile.

"Knock 'em dead, kid! They won't know what hit 'em!" With his praise, you ventured outside jumping up in the air with glee as you hurried to your other job.

That is, until the tempo was stopped drastically by someone.

Seething from your tumble, you gasped when you crashed against an actual human being who is currently groaning on the floor. Panicking, you hurriedly stood up and helped them back onto their feet. With an apologetic smile, you quickly showed your apologies by rubbing your fist over your heart and dusting off any dust on his clothes. You took notice of the brightly colored fit he has; red scarf, yellow jacket, and an obnoxious shirt before running off. You hoped he would come back soon so you can give him an apology donut but that doesn't matter right now.

Your fingers were twitching to play the strings once more. And with a jump (with no random passersby), your mechanical feet turned into roller skates as you skated down the road. The tempo came back with full force.

Having already known the route, you breeze past the people on the already busy street. Skillfully weaving across throngs of human and metal bodies, you skated across the road before hopping onto the sidewalk when the traffic light turned green. Reaffirming your grip on your case, you picked up speed, tactfully dodging the strangers going about their day as the bright sun shines down upon you. You got the occasional 'Watch it!' or 'Hey!" from the people who were too close for comfort but that didn't stop your flow.

Jumping into the air, you landed on a railing, skidding across the metal as sparks flew from your skates. You made sure that no one was close to the railing before jumping off and skidding to a stop in front of an unassuming building.

This was your other job.

(Well, more like a passion since you aren't getting any pay out of this.)

Returning your feet to normal, you stepped inside the building and the tone drastically changed. When the rhythm outside was upbeat and sunny, the inside was a slow but reverberating rhythm with cool notes and generally something you wouldn't associate yourself with. After all, an afternoon nightclub wasn't a place anyone can truly shine. 

Alas, this was where you get to perform once more.

Before you could slink past the crowd, you were stopped by a cold voice accompanied by an equally icy color. "You're late."

Sucking in a breath through your teeth, you slowly turned around to see a tall man tower over you. His red, pomade-covered hair slightly covered his face with one strand of hair dyed in bright orange as it twirled in front of his forehead. His ice blue eyes bore into your own as a disappointed frown was etched on his face.

"You know how important this is." He stated, his crimson coat billowing behind him as he grabbed a lint roller from his inside pocket. With a roll of your eyes, you let him pick up any stray lint, crumb, or coffee ground as he continued to lecture you about your tardiness.

The man named Sazerac was someone who put up a cold front but he was the only one who truly believed in you.

"Don't give me that look." He chastised you, bringing your chin to meet his face. "You're lucky that they're willing to stay on the island for a few more days. You should be grateful that I pulled enough strings to keep 'em here."

You sighed through your nose, wanting his fussing to be over with. With a content huff, Sazerac backed off from your space, giving one last fix on your clothes. He gave you a heated glare on your attitude.

"I brought you here on this stage to perform again," he started, eyeing you dangerously, "and I can easily take it back."

Biting your lip, you fixed your posture; back ramrod straight, shoulders pulled back, and chin held high. He gave a content hum as he lifted his hand to tap the metal protruding from your neck, making you flinch.

"Don't disappoint."

Nodding, you slipped towards the backstage, flashing your ID card to the bouncer droid as he nodded at you. Passing by random staff and performers, you went towards center stage, behind the curtains that were waiting to rise. The base of the club calmed down, leaving you to open your case to reveal your most prized possession.

The beat came back once more. It's tempo both calming you down and pumping up your heart at the same time. As you adjusted the strings, you held its neck as your faithful bow was twirled across your hand. As your foot tapped with the rhythm, you took in a deep breath before shakily exhaling out.

As the announcer stated your name, you placed your bow on the neck. 'It's time once more for me to shine.'

The Struts

"Fallin' With Me"

Fallin' With Me Single

"Whoa," the brunette breathed out, staring in awe at the opulence of the club, "I never knew the island had places like these around!"

"No one really wants to go to these places except for the people who don't work the 9 to 5." Peppermint explained through 808. "Which makes it all the more suspicious for a regular barista to come here."

Chai slinked past some snooty couple, him coughing inside his scarf from their overpowering perfume. Seriously, what was up with rich people and their aerosol perfumes? "Maybe they got a gig here? They were holding a huge case, remember?"

"... Yeah. A gig in an afternoon nightclub." Chai doesn't even need to see Peppermint's infamous dry stare. "Like that's a likely story–"

You be my Alice

And I'll be your Mad Hatter

We can live in a palace

Nothing too amateur

Are you fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa fallin' for me?

Before the both of them could bicker more, the curtains were drawn back. The spotlights centered upon a figure on the stage and what Chai first saw was the beautiful electric cello that seemed to gleam from the attention it was getting. The silver finish of the instrument was something Chai couldn't help but gawk at until 808 nudged his cheek to focus on the person holding it.

"Heh, what do you know!" He said with smug pride. "Our guy's up on that stage!"

In 808, he could barely make out Peppermint's concealed groan. "I'm not gonna bother to try and argue. Just figure out a way to get them off the stage!"

Show me your talents

I'll throw them back at ya

No matter what happens

I'll keep up the temperature

Are you fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa fallin' for me? (Woo!)

Rolling his eyes, Chai grumbled under his breath but he ran towards the stage nonetheless. This part of the nightclub had the seats set in a way that its seats surrounded the stage. A multitude of people filled up the seats; the majority of them were wearing expensive cybernetics and clothing that Chai couldn’t help but remember Mimosa fitting in nicely with them. Although, he doubts she would’ve let the person onstage play their tune.

Speaking of them, Chai couldn’t help but be mesmerized by them from time to time. 808 had to paw him back to reality each time he had to stop and gawk. It wasn’t like him to be starstruck but it was hard to ignore how the guy is absolutely killing the song. He didn’t think that cellos were capable of doing rock but he was proven wrong when they were practically dancing with the cello. Each beat was perfectly enunciated by their shoulders bopping and the near-sensual rhythm was complemented with their perfectly executed dance choreography. If Chai didn’t know any better, they were practically born to perform on stage.

“Sucks to beat this guy up.” He remarks to 808. “Would’ve loved to get to know ‘em more.”

“Hey!” A voice called out and Chai noted to himself that he was spotted later than usual. “Losers aren’t supposed to be here!”

Chai glared at the offender, a waiter droid who held a tray of fancy drinks. “Hey, I may be a loser but I’m the Ambassador of Vandelay Technologies so what does that make you?!”

Before he realized what he just said, his entire team screamed into his ear. “Chai!!!”

Yes or no?

Let's go! (Yeah)

“You?!” The droid exclaimed before throwing the tray away, the drinks spilling on unsuspecting customers as they screamed the prices of their clothes. “Rattle ‘em, boys!”

With a groan, Chai readied his weapon. Heaps of scrap metal clinging together to form his signature guitar as 808 turned into their ball form. More droids started rushing in, some of them toppling over the seats as the customers screamed brands that Chai didn’t care for. Bouncer droids made up most of the enemies as waiter droids made up for their unassuming appearance by smashing expensive bottles into the ground and raising its jagged edges at Chai.

With a smirk, Chai rushed forward, feet stomping in tune with the beat as he felt the rush go through his central power unit. No, more than that. When he smacked a waiter droid away, he looked up on stage to still see the person perform despite the chaos. They were still playing on beat and Chai realized that each blow he dealt, the guy’s bow also played alongside him.

Almost as if they were in sync with one another.

A bouncer droid smacked him away from his internal monologue, his body flying across the club before crashing at the bar. Bottles of expensive alcohol were destroyed as the fluids covered Chai from head to toe. As if that wasn’t the end of it, the shelf holding the bottles tilted down, the bottles sliding down and hitting Chai multiple times, each bonk more painful than the last.

You're coming with me

Let's take a dive

Meet at the rainbow

9:45

Wear something trashy

That's what I like (yeah)

We're on the rooftop

Jumpin' off the sides (jumpin' off the sides)

Are you fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa fallin' (are you?), fallin' with me?

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

With a groan, Chai clambered on the countertop, dizzy from being hit more than he wanted and the reeking stench of alcohol in his clothes. “Our guy is still playing up there!”

“Good. Makes it all the more easy for us.” Peppermint stated.

“Us?!” Chai exclaimed, standing back up to his full height. “You guys aren’t even here!”

“Well, you haven’t called us in now, have you?” Peppermint retorted and Chai can practically hear her smirk.

With one large groan, he relented and called in Macaron to deal with the bouncer droids. “I got this Chai! Go get them!”

Jumping onto Macaron’s hand, the large man threw him back towards the stage, this time Chai stuck the landing. He was on stage this time, with the guy still playing the cello. He can’t help but be impressed by the guy.

He willed his hand to turn off the magnetism, the guitar falling apart as he tucked away the baton. 808 flew to his ear, and from the mint color, he knew that Peppermint was ready to rip him a new one. “Chai, what the hell are you doing?!”

“Relax, Peppermint.” He said, walking up to them in an easygoing way. “I’m gonna go talk to them. From one performer to another. They’ll listen!”

“Mister Chai. It seems you have forgotten the first time you tried to ‘talk’!” CNMN interjected. “It was how we first met, after all!”

“Relax! This is gonna be different!” He eased them, hands raising in a non-threatening way. “I can see it in their movement. They move to the beat just like me!”

Ignoring Macaron’s prayers, he finally stood in front of the guy. Their eyes were closed, entirely focusing on playing the cello as Chai took a moment to watch them perform. They were truly in their element, no movement a waste as their fingers danced across the neck.

“Hi! I’m Chai, Ambassador of Vandelay Technologies but you kinda knew that already.” He said, clasping his hands behind his head. “I gotta say, from one performer to another, you really know how to command the stage!”

He was deftly ignored, the cello’s low notes greeting his ears as he grimaced. “Okay… So, I got a little itty-bitty mission that I gotta do in the name of Vandelay. Nothing against you as a performer! Like, you’re super good with that already! But it’s also super important that you come along with me--”

And he heard it. It wasn’t unlike anything he’s heard of. He couldn’t even call it a voice-it was more like notes coming together to form a cohesive sentence.

‘You want to shut your goddamn mouth?’

The evil is landing through the roof on your tablе top

Let's eat up some damagе (woo!)

There goes my trail of thought

Are you fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa fallin' with me? (Are you fallin' with me, babe?)

He whipped his head around, 808 avoiding his rapid motions. “Wh-Who said that?!”

808 flew to his field of vision. “Chai, what the hell are you doing?”

Behind the cat, the person finally opened his eyes. They were staring at Chai with unabashed shock but they still haven’t ceased their performance. He blinked rapidly, a hand raising to remove some earwax as Chai wiped his fingers.

And he heard it again. ‘What the hell is wrong with this guy?’

There was no denying it this time. “You’re saying those things?!”

The next note was noticeably sharper as they gasped. “What the fu--”

“That’s.” Chai started, pointing his finger at them. “So. Cool! Like, I can hear you talk through your cello! How freaky is that?!”

He danced across the stage as if he won the lottery because of that revelation. The guy was still playing but it was noticeably more slowed down as they stared at Chai. “How-this isn’t even possible. I’m playing the notes to the song--”

“But I can still understand you!” Chai exclaimed, running up to them and appraising them like they were made out of diamonds. “Man, this is so crazy! It’s like we got this special connection that lets us talk to one ano--”

“No, don’t finish that sentence.” They played with fear. “I don’t wanna think about that.”

Their face soon turned into worry, glancing at a space behind Chai as he noticed their hands tensing against their cello. He turned around, spotting a man in striking red surrounded by more rich people. Before he could say something, they adjusted their grip as they strummed their bow against the strings. Before he knew it, a force pushed him back from the stage, Chai crashing down on the seats as he sat up in shock.

They jumped from the stage, landing gracefully in front of Chai as their feet turned into wheels. Energy was pumping through their cello and Chai could feel the vibrations through his chest as he scurried to stand up. They glared at Chai, bow poised at the neck, ready to blast another attack.

“Well, I guess negotiations are off the table.” He noted, getting his guitar back as he readied his stance.

Yes or no?

Let's go! (Yeah)

You're coming with me

Let's take a dive (dive)

Meet at the rainbow

9:45 (five)

Wear something trashy (woo!)

That's what I like (yeah)

We're on the rooftop

Jumpin' off the sides (sides)

Are you fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa fallin' for me?

They skated across the area, confusing Chai as his eyes tried to keep up. Hearing the next beat, he raised his guitar to block a sound wave and parried it back towards them. They staggered back and Chai took the opportunity to grapple towards them and strike them with his guitar. He had a few good hits in before they played their cello and the sound pushed them away.

They twirled around, cello spinning alongside them as they flourished their bow. Playing some complex notes, Chai was completely flabbergasted when moving figures made from sound waves erupted from the ground like… like daisies! And these daisies are aiming at him like he was target practice!

He nabbed 808, the cat not even turning back to normal as he yelled at their ear. "Peppermint, just what the hell is this guy about?!"

"I-I don't know! I haven't breached that far into their files!" She quickly explained. "Just-try not to die out there, okay? Back up's on the way!"

He let go of 808, the cat glaring at him from his manhandling. "You better hope that I won't tattle on your mom because of this!"

You're coming with me

Let's take a dive (dive)

Meet at the rainbow

9:45 (five)

Wear something trashy (woo!)

That's what I like (yeah)

We're on the rooftop

Jumpin' off the sides (sides)

Are you fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa fallin' for me?

He tried to rush the figures but before he could land a hit, one of them exploded, but it brought him closer to you as you slugged him across the room with your cello as if it was a baseball bat. A pained yelp escaped his lips, his body crashing once more against an unsuspecting waiter droid as they poofed from existence, leaving behind their scrap parts. Picking himself back up, Chai flourished his guitar before pinging Peppermint.

The girl dropped down, spinning her guns before shooting at the figures. “You got this, Chai!”

Chai ran ahead, the figures disappearing when they got too close. Jumping up in the air, he raised his guitar before slamming it down on the ground where they were. Not letting them recover, he continued his onslaught, each strike on-point to the beat before returning the same slug that they did to him. Their body flew across this room, hitting the seats close to where he saw the red man.

Speaking of him, he went closer to them, whispering closely to their ear. Their face went from pained, to shock, and then to desperation, and Chai’s interest was piqued. What did he say that made them act up like that?

Before he could lay out a quip, they stood up hastily. They brandished their cello once more, playing another string of complex notes as the figures conglomerated into one figure. A breathless squeak escaped Chai’s throat as he gaped at the gargantuan monster that stood behind them. And oh of course, the monster has fists the size of Macaron, of course!

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (Tell me, baby)

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (yeah, me through)

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (anyways)

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Chai gulped nervously before he raised his guitar. This was just as worse as fighting a giant mechanical werewolf. Before he could move, they charged forward, the monster raising its fist and Chai panicked. He called in Macaron as the large man struggled in blocking the gargantuan fist.

Chai let out a hasty apology before he jumped on the monster’s arm and ran across it. Before he could even move, the guy jumped on the same arm and pointed his bow at Chai. He rolled his eyes before twirling his guitar and did the same pose as them. For a moment, he swore he saw their mouth tug upwards before they surged forward. He blocked the first blow from the cello then rolled away from the swipe of their bow before he called in Peppermint and let her shoot them. As they were blocking the bullets, Chai went past the girl before he swung his guitar from the ground up.

However, he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. A giant fist grabbed Chai, stopping him from doing his attack as he got raised towards the monster’s face. Even though it didn’t have a real ‘face’, Chai can’t help but feel deja vu in this situation. Just what was with him and being grabbed all the damn time?

“Chai, duck!” A familiar voice yelled. Immediately tucking his head down to his chest, he felt the telltale cyclones strike the monster’s face as they let him go. Taking his chance, Chai went back, running towards the stunned cello player when the monster was destroyed as his beaten guitar suddenly transformed into a sparkling new one.

“Sorry,” he started, “it’s curtains for you.”

The guitar made a direct hit towards the guy’s stomach and Chai does not envy the way their breath flew out of their lungs. Their body flew across the room, hitting the stage as it got destroyed. Not only that, the force of the crash made the curtains hanging on fall down, practically closing in on them.

Woo!

Are you coming with me?

Let's take a dive (dive)

Meet at the rainbow

9:45 (not a second later)

Wear something trashy

That's what I like (that's what I like)

We're on the rooftop

Jumpin' off the sides (jumpin' off the sides)

Are you fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa fallin' (woo!), fallin for me?

Fallin' with me

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

And with that, the final note came to an end and Chai couldn’t help but pat himself on the back. “This looks like a job well done!”

Familiar footsteps walked towards him and he didn’t need to turn around to see the familiar strong woman of the group give him a dead stare. “Sure, let’s not talk about how much property damage you’ve done.”

He waved her off. “Eh, just put in on my tab.”

She raised her hand before putting it down. “I-that’s not how that works-you know what, nevermind. Job well done, Chai.”

He let the praise get into his head until Korsica walked past him. He watched as she removed the curtains and picked up the person with ease, throwing them over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She snapped her fingers and soon two droids marched behind Chai. “Get their weapons. I’m bringing them in for questioning.”

“Ooohh,” Chai drawled out, stepping closer to her, “another Korsica interrogation? Mind if I help?”

She shrugged. “Sure, I can do the talking and you can be intimidating.”

He nodded at her words, a smirk already forming on his lips. “Yeaah, that’s what I wanna hear! I wanna get them to fess up with just one look!”

The ‘look’ that he was going for looked like he was trying to pop a blood vessel. Korsica patted his head. “I’m already quaking in my boots.”

“Good job, guys.” Peppermint’s voice rang through 808. “You can bring them here, Korsica. I got my own beef with them.”

A barely noticeable smile was painted on Korsica’s face when she heard Peppermint’s voice. “Whatever you say.”

She aptly ignored the way Chai was doing smooching faces when she responded. Raising her hand, she squished Chai’s cheeks. “Don’t you have a more pressing matter to attend to?”

He struggled to get out of her grip as he placed his fists on his hips. “This interrogation is a very pressing matter! I don’t wanna miss out on this!”

Korsica fondly rolled her eyes. “Of course you wouldn’t.”

[fenimores-book-nook]

My AroAce Journey :)

10.08.24 ~ Tuesday

Hello and welcome back to another Book Nook blog! As I briefly mentioned in my other posts-my sexuality-I'm Aromantic Asexual! Anyone who has read some of the other things I've written, they know that I write about my sexuality a lot. From fictional stories with AroAce representation, to my own experiences. I enjoy creating a bit of my own representation! Which is something the Aromantic Asexual community desperately needs.

I enjoy talking about the whole-journey-I call it, of realizing that I'm AroAce. But, more so if it's in writing form. When people ask me about it in person, all the words I've written and thought about it, dive out of my brain like they're running from something. It's...wonderful. Though, I've noticed that's something that just comes with understanding and explaining your identity-which you never should feel like you have to explain it if you do not want to. Like, the first time someone asked me what my pronouns were, I was suddenly panicking and blurted out, "she/her!" And immediately afterwards, my brain went: "Thatttt....doesn't feel right?? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??!!" (Spoiler: it meant that I am Genderqueer, which is another part of my identity that I'll probably get into in another post.)

Now onto the good ol' sexuality topic! Warning: this post will most likely be a longer one, but hopefully you'll stick around. ;)

I've been out for a little over two years, but I definitely did not have the label "Aromantic Asexual" from the start. (Disclaimer: sometimes labels don't help everyone and that is 100% okay! I've found that for me, they're helpful to know who I am.) I first identified as Bisexual for about a year. I picked up Aromantic along the way after another identity crisis. I had met up with someone I thought I liked in a romantic way, but it ended with me feeling extremely uncomfortable at the thought of being on a romantic date, and me researching about Aromanticism. I only liked the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone, like how it is in all the fictional stories, but once I included myself in the relationship in real life: major anxiety.

It was very confusing for me to identify as both Aromantic and Bisexual, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. My brain just didn't want to wrap itself around it. (I realize that as I write that, it's because I was never Bi..oh, the things you realize about yourself *sigh*.) It took me a little bit after discovering that I was Aromantic to research about being Asexual too. So, I "tried on" the label of Asexuality and found that it fit too. "Trying on" a label, I think, is a useful tool when you're trying to figure out your sexuality. What I did with Asexual is, after reading about it as much as I felt I needed to, I told myself that I would identify as AroAce for a few days, just to myself, just to see if it felt right. And it did. There is no timeline that you have to follow when coming out or discovering your sexuality. It's not too fast and it's not too slow when it feels right to you.

I identified as Aromantic Asexual for several months until one day, I up and decide that I just wasn't going to be AroAce. My thoughts were somewhere along the lines of: The rest of the world seems so obsessed with romance and sex, shouldn't I be too? Shouldn't I be able to fall in love and make a connection like that with someone? Therefore, I cannot be Aromantic Asexual. Oh, younger me...I just want to give you a hug and tell you that there is so much more to life than romance and sex. It doesn't matter what the world loves, or what it seems to be obsessed with. It isn't what I want and that's okay. (That's easier to say that than to actually believe it.)

When I realized I was AroAce for the first time, I did have that feeling of euphoria, as brief as it was. It was nothing compared to the feeling of alienation from everyone else. That's why it was so easy to lie to myself and say that I wasn't what I truly was. I told myself that I never felt that relieved feeling that everyone else talks about when they read the definition of the label that fits them. Though, I remember dropping my jaw when I read about Aromanticism, like, oh my word..that's why??

After just deciding to lie to myself (hun, you cannot choose your sexuality) I didn't really identify as anything super specific. I was really confused but used "Queer" as my label. It's broad and it didn't make me feel like I had to stick within the lines while figuring out my sexuality. I knew that Queer wasn't all that belonged to me, but I was too afraid to admit what I actually was. Actually am. I like the label Queer, though. It's a pretty word, I think. I like the history of it, like the LGBTQ+ community took it back and made it affirming; and I do think it's a part of me in some way. I think of 'Queer' as the umbrella term, kind of like the term LGBTQ+. It covers most identities in itself. (Maybe your definition of it is different and that's okay. :) Your sexuality is your own.) Within this time, I tried on different labels, all of them were short-lived. It was more me desperately trying to find any label other than Aromantic Asexual to fit. Obviously, none of them did.

Finally, I realized-again-that I'm Aromantic Asexual. I wasn't the one that needed to change, it was the world. But those things are not so easy, and to quote John Green in The Fault in Our Stars, "the world is not a wish-granting factory." (I love that I found a way to quote my favorite book, hehe.) So, instead, I changed my mindset. No, I could not choose my sexuality but yes, I could learn to accept it. I'm not gonna lie, there are still some days where I feel doubt creeping in and I feel as though all my progress to accepting myself is erased. Which is not true at all, a bad day or even a series of bad days will never erase the progress you've made. Although it can feel like that.

Even though it feels like I've been identifying as Aromantic Asexual for at least a year now, it's really been-probably-about seven months. And you know what? It feels good to say that. For so long I switched between labels that didn't fit me, and now I've found the ones that do fit and I've accepted them as a part of me. Over time, I picked up more specific labels too-Aromantic and Asexual are umbrella terms for many more sexualities. Like Aegoromantic and Aegosexual. (Or Aego AroAce.) They mean that I enjoy the idea of romance and/or sex but I have a disconnection between them and myself. An example: I love reading romance novels and watching rom coms, but I have no desire to have that for myself. If you're interested in reading more about this identity or others like it, I encourage you to research about them! I will also probably write more about this topic in future posts. :)

Sexuality is fluid and that fact can be so annoying sometimes, but bestie, we are made to change. To evolve and grow. To become more of yourself every day.

There will always be days that you question yourself, at least, there are for me. But there are more days where I feel okay with myself. On those days that are hard to accept who I am, affirmations, no matter how small, always help. Self care and discovery is an ongoing journey that is beautiful and I am so proud of you, wherever you are in your journey. <3

Thank you for sticking around and remember, everyone has a story to tell. ;)

Lots of love,

Thalia

[lustfulchaldea]

Johanna, what did you do to Himeko and Anne Bonney?

"Hime...ko? You mean good Lady Osakabehime? Her...and Anne Bon-"

Johanna's face quickly changes shade rapidly, as though panicked and alarmed at the realization of what this question must mean.

"...You know about that? I've no idea how it came to be public knowledge...or if you know more than you ought. Regardless...It wasn't anything bad, I must assure you."

"I brought salvation to a pair of souls in desperate need of it. It is my duty as Popess, albeit a fictional one, to do so...especially when they lust so! I could not rebuke them..."

Her smile is calm and innocent, but her eyes betray the desire burning to life within her as she recalls the memory. Perhaps there is a reason that she is, of all Servants, the ONLY one that there is explicit warnings about

-

"I see..."

GLLLRKGLRKGLRKGLRKGLRKGLRKGLRKGLRKGLRKGLRK-!

She pummels her hips forward, irrespective of the loud choking noises ringing out from between her legs.

"Your sins are truly vast, Archer..."

She is just doing her duty, after all. Granting those in need absolution in the job of a Popess.

"Worry not. I shall cleanse you of your sin."

Even if that means swabbing their gullets with your fat, veiny, swollen cocklog.

"Hlllrkr?!~ Nnnnh!~ Mhhhhohhhhhrrr...!~"

She's moaning into that cock, lips pressed against the base every time it gets close enough. This is pure, lustful desperation. It may have something to do with the thick rivulets of jism leaking from between her soft thighs, her sopping cunt packed way too full of the stuff to keep it all in as she squats as sluttily as possible between Johanna's legs.

"Dhhahhhdddhhhyyy...!~"

Or the fact that her fat chest, swollen bigger than most women's heads in Chaldea, was painted with thick, off-white nutbatter, so thoroughly swamped in the stuff that the stench of sex will be rolling off her for days, a message to all those that might approach her that Anne Bonny is currently someone's cockholster, whether she's in their presence or not.

Maybe even her wide hips, leading back into an ass so massive and soft, so pale and jiggly, that it turns her whorish daisy dukes into a thong, and mashes against her heels as she sucks her Daddy off in a squat.

Now that they'd gone this far into Anne's 'salvation', she was addicted. What was the purpose of this slutty body if not to bring happiness to God's Chosen Stud, Pope Joan?

She was happy this cock had cleansed her of any other notions.

She, at first, had resisted. (How stupid of her.) When you sneak into a Ruler's room solely to steal her valuables, her precious 'pope jewels' that Anne was so sure she had that she hadn't even bothered checking, and she grips you by the skull the moment you pass her bed, her fat tree-trunk of a shaft so musky that it smells like sex multipled fifty times over...You're going to get a bit fussy when she starts trying to use you like a hole.

But Anne was not the only person that Johanna had...used. The only person that had lost.

"Nnnghhhnaaaa...~"

Over on the floor, lying on her back, eyes glassy as she looked up at the sky...Osakabehime was not fairing much better. Her soft, indolent hipmeat bucked and clapped every 20 seconds, discharging thick popess-cum from her hole as she smiled deliriously.

"Daddy...cleansed me...Nnnnh!~"

She cannot say anything else, and her voice is very much inaudible. But she doesn't want to. She was Johanna's first pocketpussy, and had been summoned to the Ruler's room for a chat about video games. The woman had been getting into them, and wanted Hime's advice on different ones to try.

Though, Hime understood why Johanna had claimed and bred her instead. Hime's soft, jiggly NEETbody was too much for her Daddy, and the sin of Lust permeated it. So she just had to grip Hime by the hair-handles and fuck her throat senseless, until the NEET came her brains out and fell unconscious, permitting herself to be saved by Johanna no matter where she was.

She is a good Popess, after all, and not a brutal fuckstud. Even as she's pummeling Anne's throat, and the Archer is quickly growing insane to the point of devotional worship...Johanna is saving her.

It's the Lord's will that Anne and Osakabehime became her personal cuntsleeves.

Nothing more~.

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got more to say on that post (tw I'm insane I don't know what to tag this as its just. mental illness man idk.)

I'm really, really glad that other people apparently really don't know what it's like to feel like that. like you're not allowed to think certain things or that thinking them makes you bad.

because fuck I wish that was me.

I find it almost impossible to talk about this but I'm trying because I've found it's really the only thing that helps a little bit - and it feels like literal torture, like. I am having to actively fight every instinct in my head to be able to type any of it.

but. just. man I just can't. sometimes I can do it, but sometimes it's like now and I get so panicked about it that all the words just fucking disappear. literally can't talk about it.

okay, I'll try a different way. so. I get extremely obsessed with fictional characters (which you know if you've ever looked at this blog because duh). obviously that means I think about them. a lot. all the time really. and it's. it is really really hard, honestly. just like. imagine having to basically check every. little. thought. to see if there's anything there that could make you a bad person.

again, can't go into any more detail because My Brain (probably should stop saying that, I guess it's like, part of the ocd tendencies I have or whatever) won't fucking let me.

so, I'm trying to work on that, and for some reason I'm doing that by writing it down instead. because then I have like, the option to go back and look at it and be like actually this is probably fine. not horrible, not the worst thing anyone has ever thought, and even if it was - no one but me is ever going to see this, so why should it even matter?

but more than anything it's like. shown me how fucking insane that is. I literally can't even write so much as like. a hug. without feeling like I'm the most disgusting piece of shit ever (lots of complicated reasons but it boils down to basically. well you're thinking about his body. and that his body would feel nice. and that is absolutely not allowed in any way). when I've said that I'm writing some insane shit I don't mean like haha, this is sooo dirty hehe :3 no guys I mean it is literally insane and mostly me literally having to write paragraphs of dialogue in which the character assures me that it's okay and I'm not horrible for thinking that and. like I'm literally writing him as if he's my fucking therapist because that's the only way I can justify it in my own head.

like, I am not exaggerating when I say that I've made myself feel like I'm physically ill from overthinking this so much. I literally felt like I had a fever because I got so extremely stressed out about it. I think that was about like. holding hands or some shit. I'm 32 fucking years old. I'm literally married (won't even get into that but fuck dude just imagine being like this and. yeah).

and the funniest part about all of that is that I feel so unbelievably ashamed about all of it that I don't think I could even mention it to a therapist or whatever. like the thought alone is so absolutely horrifying that it makes me feel like I need to be punished for it. so I just convince myself that well it can't really be OCD anyway because I don't even have compulsions anymore (even though I did, and they affected my life so much for like, 15 years at least), and well even if it could still be that even without the compulsions well it's not that bad really. I mean I don't have the issues that people with actual OCD have, it doesn't really affect me, so what if I can't think about fucking that fictional guy, imagine how much a therapist would laugh at you for thinking you should get help with that, nope your brain is just fundamentally broken (it's always been that way after all, so it can't be something like that, no you're just broken and wrong and that's why all your thoughts are bad, you're just the worst person on Earth).

I can't explain how hard it is to even like. just talk about the most mundane shit. like let's say there's a picture of The Guy and I think he looks good. it's such a struggle to let myself say that. like literally, something as fucking basic as that. literally anything that is an admission of 'hi I've thought about his face and his body and I think they look kind of nice' makes me feel like I should literally die. that's why I've been trying to say that shit as much as I can lately, with the reasoning being well if I just keep doing it and nothing horrible happens it'll get easier right? (nope it doesn't, not really)

and like, there's so much more to it than social media, obviously. like it's probably 99% my upbringing (didn't even fucking realise until very recently that a lot of it is based on religious stuff because I didn't understand that my family was even that religious. yeah I don't get it either. but there's way more than the religion aspect, just pretty much everything about my childhood and my parents and. everything). but it does play a huge part in it for me and. I don't know what to do about that and I'll probably do nothing because doing anything is hard and I'm already completely overwhelmed by everything.

yeah idk all of that came from thinking about that video too much, idk, I'm shutting up now

[haejjoon]

AHHHHHHHH this is a bit late but i just have to say that i love your blog so much??? The fic? Emaculate. The fanart? Spectacular. The discussion and points brought up? Scratches that itch in my brain.

And god that new chapter was amazing like the changing clothes scene? Amazing. Its such a cool way of adding Lore tm to the outfit mechanic in game (i wish everyday that goro had a swimsuit outfit for me to equip :")) Ann casually being a firebender? Stunning. That sojiro and goro scene? Broke my fucking heart. I can't thank you enough for the brainworms you have fed me i feel like you characterised both coffee dad and pancake son so well. The whole goro lashing out and when it doesn't go the way it normally goes and he starts panicking due to someone actually fucking caring for him? Broke my heart, hit close to home. And i love how you wrote sojiro as well??? Like a sojiro who really is so kind and caring but has regrets and mistakes but still tries his damn hardest to care for people who need it the most? Idk man i love sojiro's character and his confidant story like it made him a character whom i actually would love to just have a coffee and chat with in real life anyways wonderful amazing job

(Also how is the akira confidant gonna go? Are the boys still going to get their homoerotic weirdly domestic trauma dumping bath scene 👀)

AW HELLO!! WELCOME TO BRAINWORM HELL i'm glad you like my work so much i hide my face in my hands <3

the changing clothes scene was so fun for me to write. actually--originally, it was supposed to be ann changing her metaverse outfit altogether (since she's clearly shown to be uncomfortable in her current one) and i was just going to leave it at that, but... it felt like i'd be pandering, if that makes sense? i want every lore change in ex machina to feel like it's Important, like it really matters. if i started changing things just because i wanted to willy nilly it'd quickly devolve into an entirely different story altogether. (rest assured though ann Will have an outfit change, it'll just be at the right moment + right explanation)

ann being a firebender is such a neat way to put it actually HELP the most she can do right now is summon fire to her palms--she's kind of like a human lighter, if that makes sense? she can individually set her fingers and her entire hand on fire if she concentrates, but she can't throw it around like zuko might in atla (.. not yet, anyway).

i'm glad you liked the sojiro scene. it's one i'll always keep near and dear to my heart. i'm aware that ex machina isn't... an easy read, by any means, considering how little it sugarcoats the issues brought forth in p5's plot, but i don't want it to be an easy read. i want people to consume it and take time to digest it. if they want something more lighthearted this isn't it--though i'm sure i'll end up writing something sillier in the future. (been playing around with a no powers/college university au in my head, it isn't the most inspired but shenanigans r cute...)

sojiro, at his core, is a kind man. i read it somewhere on tumblr or twitter, but it's very telling that out of all the social stats you can build when hanging out with him, it's kindness. logically, proficiency makes more sense--you're learning the tools of the trade, you're building a skillset that'll no doubt serve you well into the future--but you get kindness. because sojiro sakura is a kind, kind man. it's important, and it must be established clearly. i'm glad i executed it well enough <3

(HAH OF COURSE THEY'LL GET THEIR BATH SCENE. making it my personal mission to make every hangout even more homoerotic than canon already depicts--i don't know if you saw it underneath the absolute ocean of asks littering my page, but i drew out their rank 1 hangout + their subsequent call. it was a lot of fun. check it out if you haven't <3)

as always, thank you for such a lovely conversation. seriously, what a way to kick off my morning. i'm gna be in such a good mood for the rest of the day--i hope you have a great one, as well!

[chilly-me-softly]

Big Brother • Mason Mount

Request: Mason is either you dad or brother and you started your first period and you don’t know what to do and you at training and some one said a something and he help u hope that make sense

You and Mason are four years apart, he is the eldest and you have always adored him. Your mother often says that you were always attached to him, whatever he did. So it was only a matter of time for you to start playing football like him and with him.

As you grew older, you realised that you liked it, that it could be your life and you started to take training more seriously, dreaming of playing in a stadium full of people cheering for you and of winning many important trophies.

Your parents left you both at the camp that afternoon, you're sure of that since you went in the same car. Yet no matter where you look you cannot find your brother Mason anywhere. You wander the corridors cautiously trying to hear his laugh or catch a glimpse of him, but there seems to be no sign of him in that place suddenly too big for you.

Panic is taking hold of you more and more, the breath you have tried to keep under control as much as possible is slipping from your hands. You enter what turns out to be the physio room and there is no one there, it seems like a dream. Or rather a nightmare.

Instead, someone is there that you haven't noticed panicking, he approaches you and you shrug as soon as he tries to brush past you. "Call Mason" is all you say before you go and hide in the corner of that room.

And you don't actually know how long it's been since you huddled there, after stealing a tablecloth and hiding under it trying to be invisible. When such a familiar voice makes you whimper.

"(Y/N)? (Y/N) what happened? I... I'm going to take this off you now okay?" slowly that piece of cloth slides off your head but you still hold it tightly preventing it from uncovering your legs.

"So what happened?" seventeen year old Mason looks at you trying not to show his concern but his eyes give it away having always been very expressive.

"Where were you? I couldn't find you" you mutter and he feels like someone has punched him in the chest, seeing you so small and helpless hasn't happened in a long time. You always wanting to appear bigger than you are. "I need your help"

"Are you hurt?" he tries to put a hold on his racing brain thinking about what could have possibly happened, as you shake your head wiping away a tear as your mind replays what happened only moments ago.

"Hey, you know you can tell me anything" so you murmur those words which he genuinely struggles to understand though and his expression in another context would have made you genuinely laugh.

"I got my period" you spell correctly this time, gaze down and embarrassment taking over you.

"Ooh" you hear Mason murmur as he shifts position resting his back against the nearby wall and pulling you to himself, "it's okay, nothing to be ashamed of"

"No it's not! Or the girls- they..." they wouldn't have been so mean.

"What did they say?" his tone of voice becomes more serious, his older brother's protective instincts wasting no time in kicking in.

"Nothing"

"(Y/N)" he calls you back, a hand of his continuing to rhythmically stroke your hair, creating a calming effect. And you sigh, not really wanting to tell that part out loud. You just want to bury it somewhere and forget about it as soon as possible, but you know Mason would keep pressing and he wouldn't let you do that now that you've let bits slip out.

"They... started mocking me for messing my trousers"

"All of them?"

"No not everyone but- does it make a difference?"

"No" he sighs, leaving a kiss on your temple. He would like to say more to cheer you up but he doesn't think a catchphrase is what you need right now.

"Okay here's what we're going to do. We're going to get changed and as soon as we get home we're going to hide out in your room and watch some movies and eat some chocolate"

"How do you know all this stuff? It's for the girls isn't it?!" 

"Only for my beautiful little sister" he grins innocently as you roll your eyes, then a grimace paints itself on your face. "Mase I- I can't move"

"Can you wait here for a moment?" you nod as his body moves away from yours and you follow him with your gaze until he disappears through the door. You huff hiding your face in your hands and suppressing a scream of frustration.

Every little noise makes your heart jolt, praying that no one but Mason will come through that door. And you almost breathe a sigh of relief when you finally see your brother coming back towards you with something in his hand.

"I brought you one of my shorts and... well I asked one of the ladies if she had a- a you know"

"Thanks Mase" a genuine smile forms on your face as you save him from his moment of embarrassment and quickly hug him wanting to thank him for being there once again.

Mason laughs amused to see you after you've changed, "That short barely covers my knees, look how it fits you instead"

"Ha ha very funny Mason"

"Hey bitchy, I'm not going to do this with you for the rest of my life from now on is that clear."

"Yeah yeah make fun of me, go ahead"

And although you've calmed down since you were frantically looking for Mason just a while ago, you still feel awkward walking down those corridors. Convinced that everyone is there to stare at you. And several times you pull Mason by the shirt intimating him not to stop and talk to anyone, wanting to get to the car park as quickly as possible and sink into the seat all the way home.

Mason stares at you on the drive home, your gaze turned to the window lost in the landscape passing quickly before your eyes. His little sister, now a little woman. He is a little afraid, if he has to be honest, for what is to come from now on. You are growing up and with you so is his role as older brother, your relationship becoming more serious finding in each other someone to confide in. And he doesn't even get to think about you struggling with adolescence and boys and all that. No, absolutely not.

[msmarvelwrites]

Almost Is Never Enough

Summary: Ever since Steve had come out of the ice all those years ago, his only goal had been to get back to Peggy Carter. A home that was waiting and forgetting him all at once. But that doesn't make it any easier to watch him go.

Pairing: Steve x reader

Warnings: Angst, angst, just a little bit of angst, fluff, language. 

Word Count: 2.4k

Authors Note: Thank you to the wonderful @remmiesour for this request. It’s been a decade, but I finally got around to it! I’ve never written for Steve and honestly I didn't think I ever would but, famous last words I guess! Enjoy!

Ever since Steve had come out of the ice all those years ago, his only goal had been to get back to her. A home that was waiting and forgetting him all at once. She was there, and if it was the last thing he did, he would be too. 

So, when the opportunity presented itself, when he could actually find his long lost love, you already knew he had made the decision before the words fell from his lips. 

You knew. But god, that didn't make it any easier. 

You hadn’t meant for it to happen, falling in love with the world's most unavailable man. In every sense of the word, it was an accident. 

And yet, there you stood, eyes trained on his face as he laughed with his friends. The sound ripping through you like it always did. For the past week you had been trying to memorize the sound. The way it filled the room, pulling smiles from everyone who heard it. 

You hadn’t meant to fall in love with Steve Rogers, but that is exactly what you did. 

“Ya know,” Bucky’s gravely voice started behind you, pulling your attention away from Steve and towards his friend. “If you're planning on telling him, I’d do it now.” 

You furrowed your brow at the brunette, a false confusion clouding your eyes. You shook your head, only pulling a scoff from his stubble framed lips. 

“Don’t play that with me. I see the way you look at him.” He smiled softly, watching as your eyes flicked back to the godlike man. 

Bucky was only trying to help. But in your case, you were just too late. You had your moment. Several if you were being honest. Steve deserved someone who wasn't afraid to tell him how they felt. Someone strong and brave. 

Someone like Peggy Carter. 

“I missed my chance.” You hummed, taking a sip from the bottle of stale beer in your hand. You grimised at the bitterness, the liquid courage doing nothing for your spirit. Only serving as a half assed reminder of what a coward you really were. 

How many times had those three words almost fallen from your mouth? How many moments passed- longing stares and lingering touches? Surely too many to keep count. But it didn't change the truth. 

He didn't love you, and he was leaving. 

“I think that he deserves to know what he’s leaving behind.” Bucky whispers against your ear, the words pulling at your heart. 

Only you and he knew the truth. Today was not a celebration of wins… It was a send off. 

“He deserves to be happy.” You choked out, your eyes meeting Steves from across the room, his softening when he was your hollow form. You faked a smile, though it didn't fool the Captain as he began to make his way over to you. 

“And what about you?” You snapped your head to meet Bucky, your eyes serious and tone stern. 

“Stop it. Please.” 

Bucky raised his hands in surrender, taking a step back as Steve approached you. His voice calling your name melted over you like honey in tea. So sweet, but always ready to burn if not careful. 

You met his gaze, his blue eyes sparkling down at you, inviting you in. You could drown in the oceans of his iris, in fact, you had on many occasions. Tonight was no exception. 

“Could I steal you away for a moment?” He asked, his voice cutting through your thoughts, coated in kindness. 

The moment his eyes met yours, you were a goner. A mess from the second he said your name. It was pathetic, but then again, isn’t that what you were? Doomed from the first day he walked into your life, taking up every thought in your head.

“Of course.” You tried to smile, forcing it on your quivering lips. You hoped Steve didn’t notice, and of course, he didn’t. He never noticed. If he had, perhaps you wouldn’t be in this mess.

Steve pulled you along, hand in hand as he led your outside into the night. Darkness acting as a veil covering your hurt. Part of you wanted to scream. Needed it. Though, it wouldn’t do much now. 

“Do you remember when we first met?” His question echoed around you, pulling you to the memory of your first encounter. 

Of course you remembered. It replayed in your head like a broken record every night. A thousand ‘what if’s’ swirling around the memory. 

The day he asked you to dance at one of Tony’s elaborate fundraisers for charity. He was like something out of a dream, the way he walked across that dance floor to you. The way his voice asked that daunting question. The way you swooned the moment his hands touched yours, pulling you in and spinning you around the room. 

It all felt so distant now. As if you had made the entire thing up in your head. 

Sometimes you wish you had.

“I remember you being a terrible dancer.” You joked, worrying on your bottom lip as Steve's laugh echoed around you. 

“See, that's the problem. I don’t have much practice and I owe a dame a dance.” His words were sincere and yet dripped in venom. They cut you deep, poison darting straight to your heart. 

“You want me to help you… Dance?” You tried not to let your face show how truly hollow you felt. 

You had to force yourself not to cringe away when he took your hand, pulling you gently against his chest. You could have died right there, drowned in your own self loathing, overcome with jealousy for a woman who, at this very moment, was nothing more than a tombstone. She was gone, nothing but a memory and still- Steve picked her. 

With a broken breath, you rested your hand on his shoulder, shivering at his touch. You should pull away, save yourself from the ache. But the way he held you- gently and with a foreign love you would never feel from Steve, your body stayed.  You had wondered what it would be like. Wrapped up in his arms, your name on his mouth, his lips on your throat. You had imagined it more times than you cared to admit. 

One dance couldn't hurt. 

You let him take the lead, swaying you slowly into the night. His hand on your waist, guiding you to a silent melody. 

“Ya know, there was a moment that I thought it might be us.” His words whispered against your neck, freezing you in time. You swore your veins turned to ice at the cruelty of his remark. All you could do was gape. 

Steve pulled away to look at you, watching your face turn pale and eyes fill with tears. 

“How could you- This is a bad idea. I can’t do this, Steve.” You choked out, horrified at how little your voice sounded. You hated how he made you feel, small and broken. If you were, it was only because he made you that way. 

“I didn't mean to-”

“Didn't you? I respect myself too much to beg you to stay. But what the fuck, Steve? How can you stand there, one foot out the door and tell me that?” You were shattered, hand over your heart as if it might fall out at any moment. “I’ve followed you around like you were the sun. I’d do anything for you. But I won’t watch you walk away. Not when all that’s waiting for you is a ghost. I love you too much, and it breaks my heart that you can’t even consider that I could… That I might…” 

“Y/n, baby, I’m so sorry. I just-” Your name fell from his lips like a plea, but you couldn't stand there and listen to him try to mend what was already so irreversibly broken.

“No- Just stop.” You blurted, turning away and pulling yourself from his grasp. “I’ve been second to her my whole life. I’m numb to it now. But don’t make excuses for your shitty decision. If you want to go, go.” With that, you pushed away from him, heading back to the party and away from the man who, come tomorrow, would be forever out of reach. 

The next morning you woke up, eyes burning from the tears shed the night before and chest heavy with guilt. 

Part of you knew there was a better way to say the things you did, but another part reveled in your cruelty. Basked in how dumbstruck Steve looked standing on the lawn. Maybe it was mean, but so was he. 

It wouldn't matter for long. The afternoon sun was creeping in and soon he would be gone. Nothing but a distorted memory of a man you used to love. But at least he knew. At least when he laid beside his consolation prize he would remember you. Maybe he would hurt. You cringed at the idea. 

No matter how much you wanted to hate Steve, your heart simply wouldn't allow it. That was the worst joke of all. You despised the man you loved. 

Buck: He’s waiting for you… 

You looked down at your phone on the bedside table, wiping away the tear that rolled down your cheek. You knew it was time. This was the moment that you had prepared for. But you made a promise last night- one you were far too petty to fall back on now. 

Though even still, as the seconds lulled by, guilt began to eat away at your brain and before you knew it you were half way out the door. Your feet dragged you down the hall, forcing you to confront the horrible truth. 

You knew he was gone before Bucky even spoke the words. His eyes filled with a sadness only you could know. Shoulders slumped as he struggled to hold his gaze. He shook his head, affirming your worst fears as Sam’s panicked voice broke through the tension. 

“Get him back here!” He shouted, his tone filled with dread. It was torture to watch, unberable to feel.

A loud crackle erupted through the air almost knocking you off your feet. Through the piercing white flash, you saw a figure. If you didn't know any better you would have thought-

There, in all of his glory, was Steve Rogers. Perfect and untouched. Like a statue carved from marble. 

All you could do was gape, hand over mouth as he stepped down the tarmac, a smile that could instill world peace plastered on his pink lips. Your whole body vibrated with nerves. Somewhere between anger and hope.

Your name fell from his lips, but you couldn't hear it over the hammering of your heart, your feet already carrying you across the field.  

“What the hell are you-” 

“It’s you, doll.” He beamed, his words only fueling a rage that was threatening to boil over the closer you got. “It’s always been you. I can't believe I didn't see it until-”

Your fist colliding with his stoney jaw cut him off before he could finish. You pushed against his, palms thrashing at his chest as he tried to fend you off. Of course, he could if he truly wanted to, you knew this. 

“Y/n, just listen to me.” He begged, holding your wrists tight as you went to take another hit. You tried to yank yourself away from him, but it was no use. “I was stupid, doll. A complete idiot and I didnt see what was right in front of me. Tell me it’s not too late. Tell me I still have a chance.” Steve's eyes brimmed with tears as your heart thundered in your chest. 

You could only blink, your mind racing between a thousand reasons to walk away. To close the chapter on your love with Steve for good. So why did you stay? As if it wasn't torture enough. As if he hadn't beaten your heart black and blue with his carelessness. You wanted to run, but amidst the broken shards of your heart was a naive girl desperate with hope. And so, with a half step, you closed the distance, taking the deadly plunge as your lips collided with his. 

Steve drank you in, his mouth moulding to yours the instant you met. His hands wrapping around your waist and pulling you in until you arched back against him. Nothing in the world could have prepared you for how completely and irrevocably intoxicating he was. His presence over you melting you into a puddle before him. 

Steve's tongue gently ran across your bottom lip pulling a gutteral shutter to wrack through your body. The taste of him permanently cemented into your mouth. It was the soft moan that escaped the back of his throat that finally did you in, buckling your knees as you held onto the soldier for dear life. 

It wasn't until Sam’s voice echoed around you that you finally pulled away from Steve. Your body’s untwining as the rest of the world came back into focus. 

“Does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on? What is she talking about?” Sam shouted, pointing his finger at you exasperatingly. 

“I- I… I don't…”  Your words fell to the back of your throat, the memory of Steve’s lips ingrained in your skin. You couldn't think, much less form a coherent sentence as he looked down at you, that boyish grin plastered on his mouth. The way his eyes sparkled, tears filled with a longing you had seen many times, but never from him. 

“Were you not coming back?!” Sam blurted abruptly causing Steve to snap his head in the falcons direction. 

“No.” Steve spoke simply, his gaze returning to you. Eyes filled with an answer you had been wracking your brain for.  “I could never leave my best girl.” 

You scoffed, your gaze only leaving Steve’s for a moment. His words were kind, his lips intoxicating. But there was a nagging in your heart, pulling you from your dreamstate and back to reality. 

“Best girl, huh?” You signed, leaning into him as you chased his touch. “I think I’m going to need you to prove that, Rogers.” 

Steve chuckled, the low rumble vibrating through your chest. His smile seemed brighter than you’d ever seen, reassuring you that this was the only place he wanted to be. “For as long as I can, darling.” 

[waithyuck]

PUPPY

pairing: werewolf!lee jeno x reader (f) *halloweenie special*

genre: smut, supernatural au

word count: 4k

warnings: mature content, excessive explicit language, sexy times (meaning sexual content), I used the word ‘penis’ ONCE and only ONCE, mentions of a knot, knotting (I’m sorry), slight impreg kink, cumming inside, unprotected sex, blood, aggressive behavior, other stupid cliche werewolf things that are most definitely prob in hundreds of fics, jeno does NOT like being called a puppy even tho he’s called it oNCe

a/n: the first release of the dreamie halloweenie series! I hope this one sets the tone for what’s to come 👀 sorry to anyone who hates werewolf cliches and for the extreme lack of any substance or plot lmaoooo anyway I hope y’all enjoy reading

| next >

~10/10/2020~

~~~~

“are you cool with jeno staying the night?” your brother shot out, startling you as he spoke, not even looking at you as he spread too much peanut butter on a slice of bread nestled in his hand.

you looked up from where you were sitting at the kitchen table to face your brother, not saying anything in reply as you got lost in your thoughts.

jeno was an oddball. he was nice and he wasn’t creepy or even that weird, he just had his moments that were just well, odd. he was your brother’s friend of about six years; they met in their second year of high school and have been inseparable ever since. because of that, you have also been surrounded by jeno in all that time as well.

in the first couple years, you didn’t notice anything strange about him. he seemed like a normal and healthy young teenage boy. he was incredibly handsome, so of course your poor soul developed a small crush on him that only grew as the years progressed.

since you paid such close attention to him, you could pick out the oddities in his behavior occasionally pretty well. just from that, you’ve deducted that his sense of smell was almost god-like, like he could smell things that a normal person couldn’t.

now, you supposed that it wasn’t that weird that he had a good sniffer; there were probably tons of other people in the world with the same ability...but it wasn't just his sense of smell that had you curious.

sometimes he would act strangely at night; not often, but enough to have you questioning it. he would either disappear completely without a word or come up with a half-assed excuse to leave and then run away like a frightened animal.

it was just plain odd...and you couldn't get over it, no matter how much you tried to will yourself not to think about it.

snapping out of your stupor, you felt your heart jump at the thought of jeno coming over, even though he’s been here countless times, but you didn’t let it show and you shrugged your shoulders.

“it’s not like I have a choice in the matter,” you stated truthfully, looking down to pick at your nails. “you would have just said he was coming over anyway if I said no.”

your brother smiled at you, beaming as he placed the bread down and patted your head.

“you know me so well, y/n.”

you rolled your eyes, shoving him away. “yeah,” you retorted, slightly annoyed. “It’s not like you’re my brother, or anything.”

he didn't say anything further and you left him alone with his sandwich, getting up and making your way to your room where you could successfully hide for the rest of the night. before your cold make it far, you heard your brother yell something about jeno coming around 8, but you didn't say anything back and just minded your own business all the way upstairs to your room.

you pathetically holed yourself up in your dark room for about four hours, only coming out to quietly sneak to the bathroom and then you would go back into hiding once again.

even when you got word that there was pizza downstairs, you ignored it and continued to watch horror story narrations on youtube.

you just couldn't deal with being in the presence of your long time crush today. it took everything in your power to stop yourself from going downstairs and being potentially spotted, but you managed to pull through successfully and be a pathetic hermit in your room.

it was around 3 a.m. when you were finally finished with watching youtube videos, and you felt gross. you supposed that the two boys would be sound asleep by now, considering your brother never ever sacrificed his beauty sleep for anyone. you grabbed some clean clothes and gathered them in your arms before trudging tiredly to the bathroom, swinging open the door without a second thought, not realizing that the light was already on when you got there.

your heart almost jumped out of your chest as your eyes bulged out of their sockets.

“holy fuck!” you screeched as you took in the sight of jeno, in the middle of the bathroom completely naked, stroking his painfully hard cock right before your eyes. you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the show and you accidentally discovered that there was something not right about the way it looked...

your mouth fell agape and you barely heard him gasp loudly before trying to cover himself with the closest towel.

“jesus christ, y/n!” he yelled back, both of you not even considering your sleeping brother that was just three rooms over.

your eyes stayed glued to where he was covering himself with the towel, still thinking about the oddity of his dick. it seemed to be swelling at the base, which was definitely not normal for a human penis to do.

“what the fuck is wrong with your dick?” you blurted out unapologetically, causing a blush to cover his entire face and neck. you tore your eyes from his covered crotch to look at his eyes, which were now a shocking shade of bright yellow. you jumped back, dropping your clothes on the floor as you watched him breath heavily, most likely trying to calm himself down the same as you.

“oh my god, what the actual fuck is happening?” you murmured out loud, your eyes wide and never leaving his own as he stood silently in front of you. “am i dreaming? am i fucking high?” you tried to reason out as to why you were seeing what you're seeing, but jeno didn't give you much time to think before he spoke.

“you’re not dreaming,” his voice came out low, almost like a growl, and you felt your heart freeze up. “I dunno if you’re high...but what you're seeing is as real as it gets.”

your mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping out of water, trying to formulate the words to say next. your brain literally couldn't think of anything except his abnormally large and weird dick.

“okay…” you trailed off, your hands coming up to rest over your racing heart. “so then I’ll ask again: what the fuck is up with your dick??” and then you quickly added, “and your eyes??? I'm so confused right now, jeno.”

he sighed heavily and turned around, giving you a full view of his ass before he gathered his clothes to get dressed and cover himself. you really should have looked away, but your eyes wouldn’t listen to your internal screaming no matter how hard you physically tried to stop staring.

when he pulled his shorts on he finally turned to face you once more, forgoing a shirt much to your dismay (but really, you were dying on the inside at the sight of his abs). he stared at you for a second, his eyes back to their natural deep brown color.

“...there's a lot we need to talk about.” was all he said before grabbing your wrist in his scorchingly warm hand and dragging you out of the bathroom and down to your room. you didn’t protest and you let him practically drag you all the way there, closing the door behind him and guiding you to plop down on your bed. jeno walked to the opposite side of the room, distancing himself from you as much as possible.

“um..so,” he started hesitantly, trying to form his words correctly. “I’m uh, I'm a werewolf.”

your eyes bulged out of your head in disbelief, but you didn't say anything in reply. you both stared at each other across the space of your bedroom, not uttering a single word.

at first you were ready to call him crazy; there was absolutely no way that it was true. but then you thought about his eyes, his sense of smell...and then thought about his cock...holy shit wait, was that a fucking knot??

“um, yeah, it was…” you heard him say suddenly. you jumped out of your skin at the sound of his voice, not expecting him to reply. did you say that out loud by accident?

“you did.”

okay fuck, you needed to stop thinking and pull yourself together. what were you supposed to say to that? ‘oh cool, your cock has a knot and you’re a fucking werewolf, that’s super, jeno!’

jeno went on to explain the ins and outs of being a werewolf to you over the next twenty minutes, the small pink blush on his cheeks never truly leaving as he went into detail about everything. he even corrected certain cliches that were not true, a scowl making its way to his features with each inaccuracy you brought up.

“so...my brother doesn’t know?” you questioned quietly, looking down at your lap.

“no one knows besides you and my family.” he confirmed, and you looked up again to see him lean against the wall behind his back, eyes gazing sharply at you.

you panicked slightly, thinking that holy crap, now that you know, he's gonna have to kill you so the secret doesn't get out.

“oh my god,” you whimpered out, “are you going to kill me now?”

you watched his eyes widen before he choked, coughing violently before composing himself. he straightened his posture, but still didn't make any move toward you, still keeping his distance.

“what?!” he practically shouted, startling you. “of course not! why would I do that??”

you felt your face grow hot and you looked away once again, wringing your hands together on your lap. you shrugged, murmuring quietly, “i dunno...I thought you'd kill me to keep the secret, well, you know, a secret…”

you heard him sigh exasperatedly before hearing his soft voice grace your ears from across the room.

“I don't kill people, y/n.” he sounded slightly sad, and you then felt bad about assuming something so terrible of him. “the only time I kill is when my instincts become too much to control, and I snap.” his head hung low, but he quickly added. “but I’ve never actually killed a person, even if my instincts were screaming at me to.”

you tried to wrap your mind around what his wolf instincts were like; he only briefly touched on that topic earlier, seeming like he didn't want to talk about it too much. you being yourself, of course you had to pry.

“so like, what you’re saying is,” you started, your hand cupping your chin in thought as you pondered over your thoughts. “that if you were to like, hypothetically, snap right now and go all feral, you would want to kill me?” the question came out inflected as a statement, but you nonetheless awaited his answer patiently as you took in the sight of his face going through about five different emotions in the short span of a couple seconds.

“I don’t think…” he trailed off, looking down at the floor while clenching his fists. “I don’t think killing you would be my first instinct,” he looked up at you, his eyes blazing a slight yellow again as he seemingly stared into your soul. “...if you catch my drift.”

at first you were completely confused, not sure what other instincts he could express while being feral, but then it all clicked and it had your body heating up at the thought.

“oh.” you simply retorted, your eyes glazing over at the implication of him pinning you down and taking you as he pleased. “oh, fuck. you’re fuckin’ serious?”

his eyes were dark as he drank you in, his nostrils flaring slightly as he subtly sniffed the air between the both of you. dear god, you hoped that he couldn’t smell the sudden arousal that consumed you. you watched his eyes glow into a bright yellow and you felt your instincts screaming at you to run, but you held his gaze as he let a low growl escape his mouth.

“y/n,” he said, low and strained as he tried to fight his animal instincts. “you need to leave if you don’t want this, right now.” his words were final, no room for questioning.

you briefly tried to think it over; what would actually happen if you stayed and let him have you? you could probably die, first and foremost, but you shook that thought away even though it was a very real and serious possibility. you couldn’t deny your arousal at the whole thing, being taken like a bitch in heat by a guy you’ve been thirsting over for a while now. you may not get the chance to fuck a werewolf again, so you quickly made your decision.

“I’m…” you trailed off, dragging your gaze down to his neck and collarbones where you could make out the sweat forming on his perfect skin. “I’m staying, jeno.” you spoke softly to him, watching his brow furrow in confusion before smoothing out again.

you made your way to him and he stiffened up, watching your every move like a predator as you tentatively stopped in front of his panting form. reaching a hand up, you caressed his face, your breathing shaky as you leaned in closer.

“you can have me, puppy.” you threw in the last little jab with that sudden nickname just for fun, your heart soaring at the sound of the deep growl he let out upon hearing it. you fought the smile off your face as he practically pounced on you, pushing you over to the bed and pinning your body underneath his in one swift movement.

“I’m a puppy, huh?” he questioned darkly, his glowing eyes roaming over your face before his head dipped down to nose at your throat. you whimpered softly as his teeth nibbled on your sensitive skin, earning a satisfied growl from him.

you felt your shorts stick to your core from how insanely soaked you had become, and you grew hot at the idea of him pulling them down to find that you were, in fact, pantieless. he had your wrists pinned down against the mattress, not allowing you to touch him much to your annoyance. you tried to struggle against his supernaturally strong hold, but was met with a deep snarl in response. you immediately grew pliant underneath him out of pure instinct.

he pulled back, sharp canines prominent in his mouth as he fixed you with his glowing stare, red swirling with yellow in his bright irises.

“don’t fucking move,” he spat, his voice coming out low and gutteral, causing a flood of your own arousal to escape you down below. his nostrils flared for the second time that night, and he breathed in deeply at the scent of your wet and begging cunt. “be a good girl and take what I give you.”

the statement was final, and you barely had time to nod before he was tearing your t-shirt in two, biting the skin of your shoulder. his sharper teeth did not sink deep into your flesh, but when he drug the canines across your skin, you felt them rip you open. you let out what could be considered a poorly concealed scream, but it came forth as more of a moan as you felt hot blood trickle down your arm.

your shirt was in ribbons, and he looked extremely pleased as he took in the beautiful sight of your naked breasts, no bra in his way. he watched as your chest heaved up and down in anticipation, and he released your wrist to gently trail both of his hand over your body.

“your tits are so pretty,” he murmured, diving down to take one of your nipples into his mouth. he worked your other boob with one of his hands, kneading it and flicking your sensitive nipple.

your back arched into his touch, and you tried your best to stay as quiet as possible in fear of your brother hearing you.

he suckled hard; nibbling your nipple and dragging his teeth along it, causing shivers to run up your spine and your core to clench around nothing. your shorts were without a doubt ruined at this point.

your nails scratched down his back and he continued to ravage your chest, alternating between both of your breasts and teasing your sensitive buds with no remorse. it felt like hours of play, but eventually he pulled back to roughly grip the fabric of your shorts and tear them down your legs, exposing your dripping core to his hungry eyes.

you whined as he stared at you, reaching your arms out towards his own pants, wanting to see his cock again now that you were laying there, desperate and pouting for it.

his eyes shot to your face, smirking as he watched your brow furrow and your lips purse, your hands trying to grab at him from your place on the bed.

he didn’t allow you to pull his shorts down for him; instead he hooked his own thumbs in the waistband and pulled them down slowly, exposing his cock inch by inch before it finally sprung out, slapping against his stomach proudly.

your mouth watered at the sight of him once again and you moved to try to sit up, but didn’t get very far. he grasped your non-bleeding shoulder and roughly shoved you against the mattress once again, not saying anything. the stare he gave you oozed enough dominance for you to clearly get the message that he was trying to send.

jeno didn’t waste any time spreading your thighs open, two of his fingers immediately swiping through your embarrassingly wet slit before easing inside your tight hole. the stretch burned at first, considering he was starting you off with two fingers instead of one, but you welcomed the slight pain that mixed with the pleasure of him reaching up with his thumb to graze over your throbbing clit.

jeno thrusted his fingers into you gently at first, gradually picking up the pace as he went along. before you knew it he was adding a third finger, stretching your more than you’ve been stretched before.

you gasped at the feeling, your back arching off the bed as you cried out while he started finger fucking you with earnest.

“shhh, baby,” he said quietly, his movements never ceasing. “just gotta open you up for me, make sure you can take my knot.”

you held back another moan at that, thinking of how his cock would stretch you open, and how full you would feel with his knot nestled inside you.

he abruptly pulled his fingers from you, causing your back to arch again as you protested the loss of stimulation. his strength amazed you, and with one hand on your belly he pinned you down completely, sucking on the fingers of his other lewdly while stating you in the eyes.

after licking his fingers clean, (which caused heat to crawl it’s way down your belly), he kissed you sloppily on the mouth once again before gripping your waist and roughly flipping you over onto your knees.

your chest was flush against the mattress as well as your face, and your hips were lifted high in the air and you could feel the heat radiating off of him as he positioned himself behind you.

his nails drug down your sides and he gripped one of your hips with his hand, using his other to position himself at your leaking entrance. you wiggled your hips in anticipation, whining as he drug the head through your folds before slowly sinking inside you.

your fingers gripped the pillows as he bottomed out, his knot already slowly forming at the base of his shaft. it stretched you ever so slightly at the entrance of your core, and you whimpered out in pleasure as he started thrusting in and out.

the small form of his knot caught on your entrance with each precise thrust, and you were finding it very difficult to stay quiet. jeno’s breaths were heavy and every so often he would let out a soft growl as he felt his tip pound gently into your cervix.

your small whimpers were short and staggered, escaping your mouth with each thrust, which spurred him on to create a faster and harsher pace. he leaned over your back and didn’t relent as his cock punished you pussy, and when you let out a cry that was just a little bit too loud, he shoved your face right into your pillow to silence you.

“shut up,” he panted, a rumble low in his chest following his words. “just fucking take it.”

you nodded your head in response to the best of your ability, biting your lip to keep quiet as the presence of his hand left the back of your head.

he seemed to be getting close now, and you could feel yourself teetering on the edge as well. it was uncommon for you to cum without any clitoral stimulation, and you were amazed at his ability to reach all of the most pleasurable spots inside you.

you felt your stomach tightening up and you gasped sharply when you felt his cock press right against your sweet spot, making you reach your high almost instantly.

you clamped around him, barely registering that he buried himself completely inside you and was now stretching you to the max with his fully developed knot. the pain of the stretch only intensified your orgasm, which had you screaming into your pillow to muffle your cries of ecstasy.

jeno growled loudly as he came shortly after, biting the back of your neck aggressively and painting your walls with his cum, emptying completely inside of you while his knot kept a single drop from escaping.

he withdrew his teeth from you, surprised that it didn’t break your skin, and gently moved the two of you to lay on your sides as you basked in the afterglow of what just occurred.

your chest heaved as you fought to catch you breath, you pussy still stretched to its limit as you laid with him. you reached an arm around to caress his face, a small show of affection as you smiled in bliss.

after catching your breath, you sat in silence for a bit, just bathing in each other’s warmth, before you had to go and open your big mouth again.

“so your knot is supposed to like, plug me up?” you questioned, your voice still sounding slightly out of breath as you panted. “to make sure I get like, hypothetically, pregnant or whatever?”

he groaned in response and gripped your hips tightly, his hips bucking and causing his still painfully hard cock to sharply jab against your sensitive insides, making you yelp.

“dear god, y/n,” he whined, his nails digging into your skin. “don’t say things like that, fuck.”

“oh, so you like that idea?” you teased, turning your head to try to look at him to the best of your ability considering your current position. “fucking me full of babies?”

his eyes stared down at you intensely, the color of his irises brightening up as he growled lowly at you. he suddenly gripped your hips and turned you both over, his body completely laying on your own as you were pressed against the mattress on your stomach.

“keep talking, y/n,” he growled out lowly, his hips pressing tightly against your ass, the head of his cock kissing your cervix. “I’ll fuck you again right now, and give you my fucking babies.”

he couldn’t see you, but you smiled contently, preparing yourself for another intense round with this beast of a man. there was a small chance that you would actually get pregnant, considering the IUD you had…but the thought of it had you ready to go at it again.

in some fucked up way, you were content with this, and you threw your hips up to grind back against him, grinning even wider as he pinned your body down even harder.

jeno fucked you like an animal until the sun came up, and your brother was none the wiser.

[honeysuckle-venom]

Warning for eating disorder and diet culture stuff. This includes discussing specific foods and feelings that some foods are better than others. Also this is super long.

I've had an ed for a loooong time. Arguably my whole life, though it wasn't diagnosed until it turned into anorexia when I was 13. I'm no longer anorexic, my ed has morphed a lot over the years, but I still have an eating disorder 12 years later.

I've been working on ed recovery for a long time, but it often takes a backseat to a lot of my other issues. I'm too exhausted fighting with psychosis and dissociation to spend my energy fighting my ed a lot of the time. Plus, I'm not anorexic or anything anymore. I have partially recovered, and what's left is mostly obsessive rules about what foods can be eaten on the same day as what other foods or being obsessed with eating enough fruits and vegetables, not flat out restricting. So physically my ed doesn't take as big of a toll as it once did, though according to my therapist I probably still don't eat quite enough, but whatever. The point is I can afford to focus on other things, I'm not at much physical risk from the current form of my ed.

But I still have to be pretty careful. It's easy for my current mostly-recovered state to be thrown off and to go straight down a serious orthorexic rabbit hole. A lot of my food rules that are left surround carbs, probably because my parents did Atkins on and off my whole life. A few weeks ago my dad started doing Atkins again. If you don't know it, it's basically keto-lite, with serious carb restriction. This has been somewhat triggering for me, but I've been pushing through and doing okay. Listening to lots of Food Psych, reminding myself that diet culture is bs and diets don't work and are usually harmful, etc etc.

But then yesterday I spoke to my doctor. And she knows that generally speaking I am not open to adjusting my diet. She's been great about it. I've had high cholesterol and I'm technically "obese" and she's been amazing about not pushing me to lose weight or change my eating habits despite that. But yesterday she did bring up the possibility of trying an anti-inflammatory diet bc of the inflammation. She was careful not to be pushy about it and be clear it was just an option and something I could talk to my therapist about. But it doesn't matter. It was enough.

Last night in the middle of the night I woke up and panicked about food. I spent an hour at 3 am researching anti-inflammatory diets and becoming increasingly panicked. Like pretty much every suggestion when it comes to "healthy eating", it would involve limiting or eliminating processed foods, fried foods, added sugars, and simple carbs. And increasing legumes, vegetables, fruits, and "healthy fats". No surprise there. That's what every diet in the world says. And that's what my brain tells me all the time and what I spend a lot of time freaking out about and fighting. And I'm just soooo triggered now. I'm caught between half of me saying "you have to do this, this is healthy, this is right, cut out junk food, stop eating baked goods, broccoli broccoli broccoli" and half of me saying "please don't make me do this! I like bread, I've liked learning to bake, I like chocolate, I'm terrified of never being able to eat these things again." I just feel so so so lost and conflicted and afraid of both options. I know the answer is to just talk to my therapist about all this and not rush into anything, and I'm going to do that. But I'm just freaking out right now and I needed to get some of it out here.

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

OBSESSIVE STOLAS X Male Imp Pt.3

(This is a long fanfic and will consist of multiple parts.)

You continued your rhythm, hands roaming his body. Stolas was getting close.

His breathing became shallow, moans became more lewd.

The way you held him so close, the warmth you gave him just intensified the pleasure you were giving him.

Stolas was in a daze, pleasure numbed his brain. Pleasure gripped his mind, stopping him from thinking about anything but the pleasure you were bringing him.

Stolas was getting close, trying to speak only came out as drunken moans.

You were both close and you both knew it.

Squeezing him close you began intensifying your thrusts, hands grabbing him rougher.

You were getting so close, you bit your tongue focusing on the pain to last as long as possible.

But no matter how hard you tried to hold back, you reached your peak, exploding in the owls sopping cavern. Feeling this sent Stolas over the edge.

Stolas released a high pitch squeal.

Not wanting uninvited listeners to hear your bedmate, you reach forward and pull the prince into a deep kiss, muffling the squeal.

The two of your remain in that state for several moments. Breaking the kiss, you fall limp against the princes chest.

Stolas rested his arms around your back, pulling you close as you both basked in the afterglow.

While you were very content with the idea of just laying with this very warm, feathery pillow for the next few hours.

The sudden slamming of a door and Blitzø screaming 'Fuck!' snapped you both out of our pleasant haze.

Looking up at Stolas, you found him looking just as panicked as you felt. You both scrambled off each other, desperately trying get your clothes on.

Stolas scrambled in kind, desperately trying to get his clothes on. Though unfortunately for him he'd earlier scattered his clothes across the room.

Finally getting your clothes on properly, you found Stolas still in a state of undress.

He'd gotten his upper layer on but still lacked his pants and cloak.

Looking around, I found the cloak besides the door. Rushing over i grab the fur collared cloak.

Bringing it back to the prince, he quickly put it on, giving me a quick thanks before dashing around, looking for his pants.

Looking around, you found Stolas' pants under the conference table.

Grabbing them you quickly handed them to the avian prince. Stolas snatched them from your hands before beginning the awkward process of pulling them up his long legs

He'd gotten them up about half way when the distinct sound of Blitzø trudging towards the door drew both of our attention.

We both stared at the door, listening as Blitzø stamped his way towards us. Stolas was in the early stages of a panick attack, as stolas leaned back against the conference table, watching the door with frozen dread.

Blitzø's heavy steps stopped before the door, the silence hung in the air like a scythe drawn back and ready to cut us both down.

You both began to panick before a booming sneeze rang out, Blitzø mumbled profanity before continuing past the door.

Stopping by the office's entrance he called back '(Y/N) lock the place up will ya, I need a fuckin drink.'

Without waiting for a response Blitzø slammed the front door and like that, we were alone.

You looked up at the prince, he looked back at you. You stared at each other for a few moments before you cracked a smile.

You began a hearty chuckle, laughing at how tense you'd both gotten only to be completely alone again.

Stolas pulls his pants up, before joining you in your little laugh. Walking over you sat up next to the prince. The two of you falling into a pleasant silence.

Stolas slipped his hand into yours, before bringing your hand onto his lap.

Stolas was in a strange state of mind, he had been emotionally shattered, and now he felt... happy.

For the first time in years he wasnt filled with anxiety.

Sitting there he slid his arm around you waist, before pulling you into his lap.

You nestled into his lap, enjoying his embrace as he ran his hand over your body.

I leaned into the touch, enjoying his scent as as you sat in his lap.

Stolas looked down at you, he just didnt understand you.

His entire life people had always wanted something from him, Octavia was the only person who ever just wanted him to who he was... and he still managed to screw thet up.

Even his beloved Blitzø only wanted him for his grimoire, no one wanted him for him.

Except you.

And stolas didn't understand it.

So he decided ask you.

'What do you want?' Stolas asked you, his voice barely above a whisper.

You looked up at him, unsure of what he said, 'what?' You asked.

'What do you want from me?' He asked, anger swelling in his chest. He needed to know, you were the only good thing he had right now and he needed to know why you were being so Damned Good to him!

You looked up at him, frustration and anger clear on his face.

A sad little smile adorned your face before you raised both your arms and cup his cheeks.

Stolas froze, getting to your feet you looked him dead in the eyes you told him. 'I just want you to be happy.'

Stolas was taken aback, confusion laid clear across his feature.

You chuckled at his clearly dumbfounded expression.

With a sigh you told him 'I can truthfully say when I first heard of you my opinion of you wasn't very high. And when I heard of your deal with Blitzø... well it didn't help.

'But' I cut in before he could say anything. 'I quickly came to learn you were unlike any of your fellow royalty.'

You took his hand into your own, gently playing with his fingers.

'Like most Imps growing up i dreamed of growing up to own a palace.' You chuckled to yourself. 'But when I grew up I realised. When you have such power, you bound to it as much as its bound to you'

'And when I learned of your arrangement with Blitzø, I though it was just a way to indulge in your more, carnal desires.' you sighed, reliving the last 20 minutes or so. 'But it wasnt until i overheard you talking to Blitzø on the phone. I could hear just how genuinely eager you were to see him, and I could tell how much you wished he'd return such enthusiasm.

Running a hand down his chest you told him. 'You coming here to see Blitzø, it was so obvious i was actually annoyed with myself for seeing it earlier. You were genuinely eager to see him. But it wasn't until you, prince stolas of the Ars Goetia, ask if your out fit was good enough did realise what was going on.'

You took a moment to have a giggle at the memory, Stolas didn't find it as funny but listened regardless.

'Watching you fuss over an outfit that you knew was perfect, it was in that moment your anxiety shown through. I saw your mask crack and I could see just how fragile you were.'

Stolas got a little huffy 'I'm not fragile' he grumbled to himself.

You giggled at his immature behaviour.

Turning his head towards you, you met his crimson gaze. 'Stolas. In that moment. I saw you.' You placed your hand against his chest.

'I saw a gentle soul. A damaged, scared, And absolutely terrified to be alone.' You brought his hand up to your cheek. 'And when I heard Blitzø screaming at you, without even giving you a chance. I knew it would devastate you.'

'And you there, in front of Blitzø's office, clawing at the ground, desperately trying to keep it together, I made a decision.' Stolas' gaze was so intense if not for your current situation youd likely fear for your life. 'I made the decision to make. you. smile. No matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice. I wouldn't let you leave without a smile on your face.'

Stolas stared for several moments, eyes scanning your face for even the slightest hint of deceat. His throat dried and eyes watered when he realised there wasn't any to find.

'You really did all that for me, just... to see me smile?' Stolas asked, his voice staring to break up through his drying throat.

You looked him dead in the eyes and without a moment's hesitation you whispered back 'yes.'

Stolas pulled you close, tears welling in his eyes.

Stolas held you tight, fearing that if he let you go, something would snatch you away from him.

You leaned into the embrace, returning the hug and just enjoying his arms wrapped around you.

It wasn't until you felt his body quivering that you pulled from the embrace. Finding the owl on the brink of tears you reached up and wiped a tear from his eyes.

Stolas felt... light. As though all the things that were holding him down were gone.

He felt freer then he had in centuries, like nothing could keep him down.

And looking down, he found the source of this freedom.

And seeing you looking up at him, he couldn't help the smile spread across his features.

You were what he'd always wanted.

Someone who loved him unconditionally.

Seeing the Prince smiling made you release a giggle 'You look good with a smile' you whispered to him.

Stolas' hand cupped your cheek and brought you close. Placing a single kiss on your lips before placing head against your own.

Pulling back he said 'I think I'm in love with you.'

Stolas froze, fearing for your reply, fearing you wouldn't reply, fear you'd leave him and he'd fall into the pit of despair that you'd pulled him out of.

You took a moment to respond, a moment which for stolas felt like an eternity.

Getting up you cupped both his cheeks and told him 'I care deeply for you as well, Stolas.'

The reply sent a slight wave of sadness through him before he calmed himself. 'Its alright' he thought 'he doesn't need to love me yet. I'll show him how much I deserve his love.'

Stolas planted another kiss before asking you 'can I see you again, spend some time with you.'

'Do you have a phone?' You asked, Stolas patted himself down hefore pulling out his Hellphone you quickly snatched out of his hands.

Opening the phone you chuckled to yourself, 'Don't even have a password.'

You typed away for a few moment, Stolas leaned down trying to take a look at what you were doing.

Pulling back you pressed the phone against your chest before you wagged your finger at him 'na-ah'.

It took another minute before you held the phone up, pulled a little pose and he heard the distinct click of you taking a picture.

After another few second you handed the phone back before getting up of his lap.

Though instantly missed your presence you attention was still on the phone. Opening it he found a new contact.

(Y/N), the icon being the image you just took.

The fact you so willingly not only gave him your number, but you willingly took a picture of yourself sent warmth through his chest.

His attention brought back to the real world when he heard the door open.

Looking up, he found you standing by the door before walking back over to him.

Holding a hand out, you pulled him to his feet before saying 'Stolas. This has been perhaps the single greatest moment in my life, and I can't describe how happy I am that I got to share it with you.'

Walking to the door, you turned to him. 'But, and I can't describe how much it pains me to say, but I have to bring this rendezvous to an end.' You told him, concern clear in your voice.

Stols took in a breath, 'I understand. This was all rather sudden.' He told you, running his hand over yours.

'Thank you for understanding.' You said earnestly.

Stolas leaned down and you shared a brief but passionate kiss.

'I look forward to seeing you again, My leage' you steered him towards the door, say the last part in your best snooty accent.

Stolas giggled at your antics before ducking under the door.

You exchanged one final touch before he left to home.