#it doesn't bother me that much just reminds me how lonely i am at an absolutely brutal soul sucking time of year

[guinevereslancelot]

about to be single for my 12th valentine's day in a row 🤪

[pippin-katz]

In Defense Of Edwin

Something that has bothered me is that there's a significant amount of people who talk about Edwin being unaware of Charles' pain as if he's oblivious, or like he did something wrong; that is simply unfair to Edwin.

Charles is happy, friendly, and wonderful. That is his personality. That is not all forced.

People are quick to jump on the line that Charles has been hiding his pain from Edwin, but a line people are ignoring from that argument is: "He's probably been hiding it from himself!"

His behavior indicates that he doesn't talk or think about trauma or negativity unless it's relevant to the situation. I doubt Charles even realized how bad his trauma was until the Devlin Murders. His pain was so repressed that he wasn't "feeling" it anymore.

Charles’ Triggers

While I'm not going to say that Charles did not hide his pain from Edwin at all, I am going to point out that this may have been the first time, in a very long time or ever, that they encountered something this close to home for him.

The only real reason Charles discusses his trauma now is because the Devlin House triggers him, genuinely in a psychological way. It's not just the "crazy dad" that gets to him. There are so many details that fit Charles personally. That whole situation is too fucking much for him.

The song Owner Of A Lonely Heart playing in the background; a song that he says he liked enough to get the cassette tape but that it was smashed by his father.

The controlling and restrictive behaviors of the father on his daughters. The eldest daughter writing about walking on eggshells and looking forward to graduation.

The way that the father kills them; he doesn't shoot them, or poison them, or whatever, he butchers them. His attacks are physically direct. He swings an axe, so his movement is the root of the violence. If it had been a gun, it would've been his finger on the trigger, but the bullets hitting them. Charles was abused by his father through the means of a belt, which is physically direct.

The loop, having to watch it over, and over, and over again with no break, no relief, and not being able to do anything, no matter how many times he sees it happen. Charles' abuse seemed to be regular and constant, no matter what he did. It always ended the same way.

All of that is then exacerbated by the Night Nurse forcing him to reexperience his trauma the very next day. That's a lot of specific details and events that lead to his complete breakdown.

Charles hasn't been consciously choosing to hide all of that pain from Edwin. It had been buried to the point where even he couldn't see it anymore, but the Devlin House uprooted it from his subconscious.

Charles’ Parents

Now, he does hide his habit of checking on his parents from Edwin, but that's not fully about his abuse. Charles misses his family, his life, being alive.

It's worth noting that he only shows Crystal his parents because he's trying to connect with her about not being able to go home. He didn't bring that up on a whim. It was relevant to help Crystal feel understood. She's not special; if someone completely different from her did the exact same thing, Charles would've shown them too.

Now, let's talk about him not telling Edwin. Charles may not have a full comprehension of Edwin's experiences, but he knows he's different from "normal" people. Hiding his parents from him is likely just as much about not wanting to hurt Edwin as it is protecting himself.

Edwin does not show any type of longing for his life. Everything he knew about the world from his time is gone or been changed beyond recognition. He doesn't have a family to miss, not that he was close to them in the first place; even if he did have an emotional connection to them, they've been long dead.

And Edwin seems unbothered, but there’s no way for Charles to know that for certain. Watching his parents weekly would remind Edwin constantly that he does not have anyone. He’s worried about being insensitive; he feels like he would be unintentionally taunting Edwin and rubbing salt into the wound.

Edwin has been dead for over 100 years and spent 70 of those years being torn apart by a demon in Hell; how could he even remember physical sensations other than pain and exhaustion? How could he remember the taste of food while running through Gluttony, watching its inhabitants vomit profusely? He never saw the appeal of romance or sex prior to his death, and then he witnesses the bloody masses of people in Lust; how could he be anything other than repulsed?

Charles tells him that pain is not a contest, but he almost without a doubt compares his own experiences to Edwin's. It's something people with low self-esteem do more than others. He feels guilty, like he’s selfish for being upset; Edwin has it so much worse.

How does being abused by his dad compare to being dragged to Hell? He got hit with a belt; Edwin was ripped apart. Who is he to whine about his life to a boy who has died more times than days Charles has existed?

He may not have had the specific details before, but the knowledge of it being Hell was enough. When you don't put your own needs on your priority list, that's one of the first "justifications" your brain comes up with. They already have enough on their plate, and you don't need to talk about it. You're totally fine! So yes, hiding his parents from Edwin makes sense from his perspective.

But his abuse? Charles doesn't even realize how much pain he's in; how could Edwin have realized?

My point is that Charles wasn't actively choosing to hide all of his pain from Edwin for thirty years, so to blame Edwin for not noticing is like blaming a blind person for picking up a red ball instead of a blue one. He couldn't have noticed; there was nothing for him to notice. Charles wasn't wearing a full mask.

The second Charles shows any indication that something is wrong, Edwin does notice!

Edwin may have trouble with people, but he's not oblivious, and he knows Charles. If he's ever been upset like this before, he would've noticed. He notices Charles' change in behavior after Crystal joined in only a day, and he doesn't deny it when Edwin calls him out.

Edwin also follows up on asking if he needs to talk about his father. Charles brushes him off, but Crystal and Niko show up before Edwin has a chance to press a little more, which I think he would've. I don't think Charles would've opened up, but it would've shown that Edwin is aware that all is not well. He is aware, but on top of being in the dark about it, he's got his own shit he's working out and cases to solve. His attention is divided.

I think it's important to remember this fact that has been driving me mental for months now:

Charles and Edwin’s dynamic during the show is a completely different dynamic than the one they've had for the past thirty years.

The introduction of Crystal, going to Port Townsend, meeting Niko, Monty, fighting Esther, the Cat King, etc. etc. etc. Everything about their relationship gets shaken up from the start of the show. They're both acting differently in all sorts of ways, and some they even acknowledge to each other.

What we saw of them in Port Townsend is not what Charles and Edwin were during those thirty years. It's unfair to pass judgement on something we don't actually know about.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm getting really tired of fics/posts making a commentary about Edwin not noticing being something he has failed at. Does Edwin feel guilty for not realizing it sooner? Absolutely, but please, at least acknowledge that it wasn't his fault if you're sticking to canon. If you want to twist some shit into it to make it more complicated, make it more angsty, go right ahead! I'm absolutely not stopping you!

But canonically, at least I feel after studying these characters under a microscope, Edwin could not have known sooner.

(ko-fi)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

🖊️ jan 2025 manga updates~! 🦁

No Episode of Octavinelle update this month!

If you were hoping for me to scream (positively) about [REDACTED]’s OB… 💀 Well. You’re not getting it here 🤓

***Episode of Savanaclaw and 4koma spoilers under the cut!!***

dhvasfovavaqeyo OH MY GOD???? He looks so pathetic like that... just look at his face...

The tail on the ground is bothering me but. 💀 Just a me thing, I am always grossed out by tails and the thought of them getting filthy…

He’s manspreading too/j (Side note: this is very Rollo of me, but BLESS that fucking pose actually covering up the skin that's exposed because of the weirdly skewed angle of his shirt.)

The way I thought this was Deuce at first-- Like Yuuken, Yuuka joins in the action. She charges in to take Leona head-on! It makes me wonder how Yuuta will contribute to the OB Azul battle, if at all?? Unlike Yuuka and Yuuken, Yuuta isn't athletic or able to handle conflict with combat. I don’t recall seeing him doing any kind of fighting against OB Azul.

Well. Nice to know that Leona doesn't discriminate in who he decides to sand 💀 What a true feminist king...

Jack to the rescue! djscsjsjkwkw Him claiming to be a lone wolf and not caring about you or anything 💀 then proceeds to save Yuuka’s ass when she’s reckless in the fight… Yeah, okay TSUNDERE

I like that the manga continues to show more detailed interpretations of the OB battle, which grants the characters more time to interact with each other and build their bonds. You can see Ace, Sebek, and Silver helping out the Savanaclaw dorm members, and even Yuuka tries to help Ruggie. Does this count as trauma bonding…

The sand at Jack’s feet reminds me of bone marrow… which makes me hungry… Probably not the intended effect 😂

Wolf form Jack feels so much more expressive in the Episode of Savanaclaw! He has several very determined faces in this chapter.

Again, the Savanaclaw mangaka ALWAYS pops off when drawing long, flowing hair.

DSBIHLADFVIYOADGYAFEYFAI nNOT GRANDPAPPY BEING EXTRA SaasSSYY...

Leona's devastation though, pretty tasty content 😋

It's really interesting seeing how the earth seems to respond to Leona's emotional turmoil. It starts shaking... particles floating in the air... I wonder if that's something his magic is doing unconsciously. The scale of this two-page spread is so cool! You can tell from the blast radius and how the other characters are bracing against it that it's a really powerful sandstorm and blot explosion.

Aaaaand here is Leona's long-awaited evil magical girl transformation! ahlavuovfafe a I'M REALLY FREAKED OUT BY THE bALLERINA-ASS FOOT SHOT, Im’ StILL REVovrrinG FROM tHE FLOYD pAjAMA gROIVY 💀

(Also???? His fingers and nails look super dainty??? Not sure if that's just me.)

Wow, what an eventful update :DD

The next chapter for Savanaclaw will be in April~

This month's 4koma involves Trein going to Board Game Club. He wants Idia's help to convert a magical book's text into an electronic form, since Lucius sits on his keyboard when Trein attempts to do the conversion himself. Unfortunately, Idia's nowhere to be found! Azul offers to help instead, thinking he will get something out of it + schemes about how he could profit from books, perhaps by writing one of his own. The twins and Ortho also appear and join in on Azul's scheming.

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

༉‧₊˚. 𝐛𝐞 𝐦���� 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 || 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

— pairing: spencer reid x plus size vampire!reader

— summary: after centuries of isolation, your familiar forces you to finally leave the confines of you manor, and a nice surprise awaits you.

— warnings: mentions of past vampire hunting, hints at isolation and depression, mentions of death, the reader is a REALLY old vampire so she kinda doesn't know how modern day romancing works, spencer is confused but kind of flattered.

— wc: 1083

⋆ a/n: HIHI!!! this was an original idea that i refused to sit on, so it just came out of my brain as i went. there's some random vampire lore but honestly it's just vampire reader being smitten with loser reid sigh (please ask me about them).

masterlist | AO3

You don't really remember the last time you've talked to a human.

It was a chosen isolation of course, because the last time your kind had been out, you were hunted practically for sport. So, you weren't very enthusiastic to see the world.

That was hundreds of years ago, though, vampires had long been dismissed by new generations, so you could go out if you wanted to, and your familiar, Knox, was very hell-bent on reminding you.

Sure, you've been cooped up in your home in the woods for some time now, but you had everything that you needed. You had a good food supply (i.e., the wide selection of animals), your piano, and your cat. That was all you needed.

And yet somehow you found yourself sitting on a bench during broad daylight in a human park.

You were one of the few vampires left in your faction, so the sun wasn't a bother. Your skin would get mildly irritated, but that was it really.

Your abilities were all based on your age, you had grown out of the sensitive infancy that was being a newly sired vampire.

It helped that your place of seating was covered by a tree, though.

You nervously pet Knox who was sitting in your lap, his tail swishing lazily without a care in the world.

For a creature who served a nocturnal being, he sure was fond of the day time.

He basked in the way the sun hit his pitch black fur just right, the rays warming up parts of his skin that you could not.

You weren't very cold anymore, sometimes cool to the touch, but never freezing, like a dead body.

Your lips were pressed together in a thin line, and you were sure you didn't look very approachable, especially not in your all black get up.

You were attune with the times, of course. Trends were changing, there was technology now, and things weren't as hopeless as they were back then, but there were just some things that remained the same.

“You are too stiff.” Knox stated simply. “You look as if you are constipated. I took you out here to make friends, not to hide from them.”

To anyone, his words sounded like a meow, but to you, it was like nails on a chalkboard.

Your fingers paused their stroking, and he swatted at them, and you huffed, but yielded to his bratty yet silent demand.

“I have already told you, Knox. I am not interested in making friends with humans.” You swallowed the dryness that was in your throat.

For the first time in years you had been around human blood, and a lot of it, so it was a bit overwhelming. Not so much so where you felt like attacking, but there was an underlying sweetness in the air.

“It doesn't matter what you are or are not interested in. You are lonely. It is as simple as that.” He continues, “As your familiar, it is my job to help you.” He stretched. “So –” Knox finally settles again, “This is me helping.”

“I am sure it is.” You state with a roll of your eyes.

It wasn't like being here was bad per se, just different, unfamiliar. You were one of the very few immortals that feared the unknown.

Vampires always thought they had all the time in the world, and that had led them to their inevitable ends. You know yours will come one day, by your own hand, or someone else's.

“Look, if you don not wish to stay here, I will not force you; but we will be back again –”

Knoxs’ chirping fell on deaf ears as you smelled the most pungent thing in your life. You could practically taste it in your mouth, it was heavy on your tongue. Heavenly.

Your keen eyes instantly shot to your left where a lanky man was approaching you, albeit hesitantly.

“Excuse me, but could I sit here?” He gestured to the spot next to you, and you just blinked. You zeroed in on his pulse before shifting your gaze to the wood.

“Sure.”

Your reply was breathless, and he gave you a closed lip smile. It was… fastly endearing to say the least.

“The cat that brings bad luck.” You heard the handsome man say from beside you. You blink again.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your cat.” He motions down to Knox with a quick dip of his head. “Usually people associate black cats with bringing bad luck, though it's obviously just a superstition.”

He sounds awkward, and you could see the self-deprivation written all over his face, as though he knew he had said something wrong. You didn't like it.

“Are they now?” You hummed.

You looked down at an intrigued Knox, who was caught between watching you and the human.

“I suppose it makes sense.” You say with a small smile. You bring your nails up to scratch behind his ears. “He may not bring me bad luck, but he sure is a lot to deal with. Very chatty.”

Knox hisses and swats at your hand again.

The human looks alarmed by the action of your cat, and somewhat confused.

“Cats don't normally relax that fast after showing distress.” The human says, perplexed. “Strange. He must be a special cat.” There's the purring.

‘Egotistical’ You wanted to say.

“I…” He gulps. “What's your name?”

You finally force yourself to meet his gaze, and you are absolutely love struck.

He smells divine; he has the features and the intelligence to rival any of your ancestors before you.

You state your name. “You?”

“Dr. Spencer Reid – but… but you can just call me Spencer! The Dr is just a formality…” You cut off his rambling by accident, “You are just magnificent.”

Spencer chokes on his words.

“I - I’m sorry?”

“I said you are magnificent.” It has been a long time since you've been in the public eye, but this was how one made their intentions clear, no?

“I… thank you.” Spencer flushes a beautiful hue of red, and you can hear and smell the blood moving to his cheeks.

“Why of course.”

Things go quiet for a moment, maybe even a little bit awkward, but you were prepared for that. You were vaguely aware that wooing now was different to how it was back then.

“So, tell me more about these superstitions.”

Spencer visibly brightens up at that.

Maybe the human world wasn't so bad after all.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @celtic-crossbow @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus @khxna

[libraryraccoon]

My Dear Ghost

SELFSHIPTOBER 2024 | Day 6 : Carnival/Haunted

Fandom : Twisted Wonderland

Gender : GN

Characters : Ghosts, Malleus, Lilia, Sebek, Silver

Alternative Universe

Author's Note : I couldn't think of anythink with a carnaval so I just did the haunted part, hope it doesn't matter.

Diasomnia Manor was well known to be haunted.

It is said that years ago, a prince named Malleus Draconia lived there, the prince was rather lonely, being surrounded by only his soldiers and servants. His closest soldier, the General Lilia Vanrouge, one day became ill, his magic slowly fading, the more days passed, the weaker he became. He wanted to return to the Central Castle, where Queen Draconia was, to inform her of his problem and the little time he had left. But, the Prince could not accept that his General, the one who had been there since his birth, had to die of an illness.

A curse was cast on Diasomnia Manor that same night; its residents were transformed into ghosts, forced to stay inside for the rest of their eternities, to haunt the manor. Historians are uncertain who cast it, but many believe it may have been the Prince Draconia who cast it, or one of the many enemies of the Kingdom of Briar Valley.

You had heard of this story, everyone does it, it's something you learn in history class after all.

You were curious about this whole story, after all, it's not every day that you hear about a fae slowly losing their magic, especially in a world where magic is what makes them live, or a curse of this type cast on one of the strongest mages of his time. Usually, those who were able to cast such powerful curses were the witches during Halloween and the five strongest mages.

The mansion was beautiful, black with large gargoyles. It seemed old, ancient, which was normal given that it was over 600 years old.

When you went inside, it was empty, there was no one there. The stuff was clean, like someone cleaned often, but there was not a soul in sight.

The castle's main color was black and green, dark/forest green to be precise, which was the traditional colors of Briar Valley. The castle was large and beautiful, although a bit dark.

You were in one of the rooms, the largest and most sumptuous you had ever seen, that of the prince when you saw him.

He was tall, around 2 meters if you had to guess, he had large black horns that reminded you of a dragon, green eyes resembling those of a reptile, and he wore clothing that was traditional of the old Briar Valley.

"I haven't see someone else in years." His voice was calm, he didn't seems bother by the fact that you came here without permission.

"Are you the prince ?" You couldn't help but asked.

"Indeed, I am. And who will you be ? You don't seems to come from here."

"I am, well, not in this manor but from Briar Valley I mean-" You were a little panic, you never had talk to a royal before, or a ghost, so you were a little confused about what to do or what will happen if you do something bad. "I would go, don't worry, and sorry for bothering you."

"Why so hurry ? Why don't you come to dinner with the rest of us ? You're our guest after all, and we can't afford to be bad hosts." He said it with a smile and you couldn't help but accept. After all, who will say no to a prince ?

The next you knew, is that you were at a table with the Prince Malleus Draconia, the General Lilia Vanrouge, the soldiers Sebek Zigvolt and Silver Vanrouge, telling them how much the world have change since their death.

When you all finish, it was late in the night, so the Prince ("Call me Malleus, Child of Men") Draconia offered you a room.

By accepting, you become a part of this Manor, and you couldn't leave it. But you only realized that when it was too late.

Raccoon note : I had a writer block while writing this. There some things I wanted to write but couldn't because of that, maybe one day I will do a part 2 with the others things I wanted to add.

[koji-haru]

What gave you the inspiration to make your AU?

Short answer? I'm delusional lmao.

Honestly, I was just bored during summer and thought, "why not get back to writing again?". I wasn't actually planning on staying long, like maybe write a few chapters and then dip and maybe delete the account once I'm bored. But here I am still, lol.

For the time travel au, I answered this before in another ask, but I just made my own version of @ironbatpaperturtle's time travel au since they deactivated and I really really wanted a continuation of that au. That, and I was just reading a couple of revenge stories, and as much as I love it, I also hated it when the authors usually make the mc not go through their revenge plot - 'revenge is bad' blah blah blah and then they get the bad end of the stick even though they were the initial victim. So, if you noticed with how I wrote the first parts of the time travel au, I made Adam very adamant and determined with his goals (he still is even in the latest chapters, even though he feels less worthy of the garden now). Now, I'm not saying the way I wrote Adam makes him a 'victim', my guy didn't even bother and try to maybe be friends with both Lucifer and Lilith in his second life. He's just a hater, and yes, that's a flaw, I'm not excusing it. I mean, at the start he was just cozying up to Mike to have a backup just in case things go bad. He does soften up in later chapters though.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that I mainly wanted a story not necessarily heavy on plot, but more so on the mc's development as a person.

For the swap au, well, I just love a good old role reversal story. It's just fun. Also, I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but *kinda spoiler-ish* the swap au is, in a way, like the opposite of the time travel au. In what way? I won't elaborate lol. But it's fun! I love creating 'foils'; either for characters, developments, themes, or even whole stories. So, I guess, in a weird egoistic way, my own time travel au inspired me to write the swap au?

Honestly, I can't really properly answer what inspired me to write my aus. At the simplest reason, I just wanted to convey a theme or a feeling. That's how I usually start writing. Maybe I listen to a song, read a poem, see a nice picture, feel something, etc. Like I could be walking and something random would inspire me and I would just quickly make a note of 'the feeling' in my phone. Like one time I was on the bus and I thought the gloomy sky with the sun behind dark grey clouds looked pretty cool at that moment. It kind of reminded me of a hole in the sky, somewhat like a portal or a signal to the world ending, so I took note of that and now I have another story in the drafts (I don't think I'll ever get to it though, with how busy I am).

Sounds really lame, but I write to make an atmosphere, I guess? I just want to capture that sensation permanently into writing; doesn't matter if it's negative or positive or neither, I want it saved forever. So anything inspires me really, from the most random tunes to the prettiest words, and then I just piece them all together. I don't really have a singular inspiration.

What keeps me writing? I'm just too stubborn to leave things unfinished. There's also the fact that I'm currently obsessed with Adam lol.

On a somewhat related note, 'Birds of a Feather' by Billie Eilish really suits the time travel au.

So... Time travel au -> a soft, blooming change from within Swap au -> more like a crashing, unwanted change Promises au -> lonely people finding comfort with each other (I was probably just feeling lonely when I thought of this au tbh)

I'm not sure I answered your question properly, but, eh I tried. Really, I'm not artsy enough to draw proper, solid inspirations, I'm just a delusional student who's heavy into STEM - so no imagination at all lol.

Did I go off topic? Yes, multiple times. Did I answer your question, anon? Most likely not, sorry.

[6okuto]

If it's okay could you please say your thoughts of Vere and Ais (separately) with someone that is insecure of not being good enough for them after learning they are with each other before?

AIS & VERE WITH AN S/O INSECURE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP

gn!reader | meeoewww. their overarching reactions are similar imo which is why i got. stuck. trying not 2 be repetitive. But that's just how the cookie crumbles...! they love u and only u

AIS

ais has a pretty good handle on having conversations and reading moods, both from leader experience and Boyfriend/You experience. he'll have noticed something's off, but won't bring it up until you're home. he asks if you want to talk about what's bothering you, whatever it is.

if you try to brush him off, he won't directly say Bullshit, but he's quiet for enough time that you know he isn't calling you on it on purpose. he'll wait as long as he needs to

lets out a deep breath when he realizes how he's been making you feel, even if he wasn't aware of it. you apologize sort of as a default reaction and he immediately says you don't have to

i think he would talk about his relationship with vere and how and why it ultimately didn't work out. and how you were different from the get-go with how you met and your relationship developed in comparison. ais would also bring up how he thinks their relationship wouldn't have worked out in the long run, and how he likes to go do mundane chores with you, but wouldn't have with vere in the past

^ the chores thing i'm seeing said as a lighthearted joke, maybe about never going grocery shopping with vere or something, just to lift your spirits a little before he reassures you that you have nothing to worry about.

once you've talked about it, ais makes an effort to spend more time with you and be more affectionate! showing up wherever you said you'd be going the next day instead of waiting for you to come to the seaspring, having his arm around you when possible, etc. he'll also relax with his,, Attitude for a while.

the attitude one might be a little subconscious.. he still teases you, but seeing you upset and knowing he was part of it kind of affects him, even after you've talked through it. once you're back to, for lack of better wording at 1 am, fucking around with him,, so is he!

you notice how he invites you out more than usual, and he says it's because he doesn't like being lonely, you know that. you're both aware of the underlying reasoning though.

he'd like if you and vere were able to get along, and he's always there wordlessly reassuring you that he's unapologetically yours, but if you want to take your time, he's okay with that too

VERE

he almost immediately notices something is off when you don't return his teasing comments or fluster from his flirtation.

Calls you on your bullshit. with a little more tact, depending on how you'd react. if he doesn't straight up say "bullshit," he might say something like "are you really trying to lie to me?"

after you've explained how you feel, he stays quiet for a while, both to think about what to say and to give you some time before he responds

direct with his words. things like "i don't like him like that anymore." and "i'm with you for a reason, you know. i don't just date anyone."

the kind of guy to make sure you're looking at him when he reminds you that you're lucky special enough to get his attention, and to break down his walls.

he tells you about how different your relationships are objectively and to Him. how none of his past relationships affect how he feels about you, the same way he wouldn't expect yours to (if you have any). and vere can't deny or ignore his relationship with ais, how close they are compared to most other people—really, he won't. he thinks it'd be shitty to everyone involved if he tried. but he wants you to know that doesn't affect how much he cares about you in a much more intimate, long-term way

in general, vere doesn't act too differently from usual once you've talked about your feelings. he might relax on the innuendos, but you can never take his wittiness away from this guy. he ends up choosing some more sfw teasing/flirting instead.

at some point in the week after, whenever you all meet up, vere makes a point to stick by you and to think of a comment related to You being the one person in this place he'd go home with, even without

ais would do the same thing, but if there were any random reason where vere had to choose between the two of you (for something silly and fun ! perhaps a game team) he won't even make a joke about not choosing you.

well. at least not for a While,, like when he's confident you're both in a good place he might tease you again. but not any time soon !

[littlewomenpodcast]

I was just rereading "Laurie Makes Mischief and Jo Makes Peace." You've often cited that chapter as showing teenage Jo's flaws, because she has too much sympathy for Laurie and not enough for Meg. But I'm not sure I see it that way. At first, Jo is furious with Laurie. She's nearly beside herself with rage over the prank. Maybe she does forgive him a little too easily once he apologizes, but so do Meg and Marmee; in fact Jo is the last one to show him forgiveness. Am I missing something?

I have always found it to be one of the more trickier chapters to analyze, mainly because of Jo's mood changes. Yes, in the beginning she seems angry and defends Meg

“Oh, the little villain! That’s the way he meant to pay me for keeping my word to Mother. I’ll give him a hearty scolding and bring him over to beg pardon,” cried Jo, burning to execute immediate justice. But her mother held her back, saying, with a look she seldom wore...

Then Marmee is scolding Laurie for what he has done, this is what Jo thinks.

Jo stood aloof, meanwhile, trying to harden her heart against him, and succeeding only in primming up her face into an expression of entire disapprobation. Laurie looked at her once or twice, but as she showed no sign of relenting, he felt injured, and turned his back on her till the others were done with him, when he made her a low bow and walked off without a word.

As soon as he had gone, she wished she had been more forgiving, and when Meg and her mother went upstairs, she felt lonely and longed for Teddy. After resisting for some time, she yielded to the impulse, and armed with a book to return, went over to the big house.

This all happens within an hour or so. The part that always bothered me, was Meg crying upstairs and being very upset, and as someone who has been a victim in a similar situation around the same age as Meg, I find it very hard to sympathize with either Jo or Laurie in this case.

Laurie knows that there is something going on with Mr Brooke and Meg, and he saw this prank as an opportunity to poke at them, and what I can gather from the chapter, there has been lots of arguments going on with grandpa at home (which in no way is an excuse, but can explain some of that behavior).

With Jo, I am conflicted, on one hand she is angry what has happened to Meg, on the other hand she can't seem to be mad at Laurie, and is hurt when she sees Laurie being shouted at for harassing her sister. Very conflicting.

In part 2, when Laurie is pursuing Jo, she can't say no to him directly, she travels to New York to escape him, and when he proposes and Jo says no, she extremely kind to him, she doesn't want to hurt him.

This is just my personal opinion, I think Alcott often struggles between the fine lines of feminism and misogyny. I am currently reading Eight Cousins, and there is a line where Uncle Alec says to his sister, that he would much rather see his niece Rose playing football than tufting lace.

As someone who enjoys traditional handcrafts, rather than sports, these comments make me feel a little icky, and no I don't think there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman playing football. It is the comparison that I find frustrating. Then I always have to remind myself that during this time, women were looked down upon for playing any sports).

In Eight Cousins, in the end there is a chapter where Charlie (who is 16) is chasing Rose (who is his 14 year old cousin) all over the house, to get a kiss under a mistletoe. Rose constantly tries to outsmart him so that she does not need to kiss him. Eventually she ends up giving a cheek kiss to her elderly uncle Mac under the mistletoe and the whole family laughs and thinks it is funny and clever how she managed to escape not kissing Charlie.

I felt so uncomfortable reading that, now as an adult. It really makes me wonder how women dealt with harassment in the 19th century. Rose's relationship with Charlie is similar to Jo and Laurie, Rose sees him as her brother, he sees her as something else. (Imho Charlie is a lot worse than Laurie).

In Little Men, there is a moment where Daisy asks Jo to come up with a play just for her, because boys don't want to play games with her and Jo thinks to herself In the house full of boys, the only girl caused most trouble.

The reason she causes trouble is that she is a girly girl and Jo struggles to connect with that.

In Jo's Boys, there is a scene where Jo sees some of the male student being too intrusive with some of the female students and she puts stop into that. By that point Jo is in her fifties, and I wonder if it was this incident with Laurie and Meg that she had on her mind (or all those moments when she said no to him, but he kept pursuing her).

I hope that answered your question. Jo defends the victim but at the same time she is the enabler of this behavior, and she manages to grow out of that. She has some great growth in these books.

[nanamishorecumslut]

The other woman

description: You and nanami are in an arranged marriage, but he doesn't love you. As for you, you do love him. Love him so much that you let him cheat on you. After some years you are miserable and unhappy, all of this is just hell. But what can you do? You love so much.

warnings: cheating nanami x fem reader!, angst, sadness, broken heart, that bitch from the bakery, bad writing, delusion(maybe), from cuquett to emo, not proofread, lana lyrics, arranged marriage(?) (some are warning some are not okey?)

-------------------------------------------------------

reader pov

Some people say that finding love is like the lottery. If you get lucky you'll win. And even if you don't win there's going to be a price. That's just how life works, some people win, but at what cost? They find their person, that human that makes them feel like paradise and are overall loved in every way. Sometimes your person belongs to someone else and not you.

I remember like it was yesterday, the day my parents presented me to Nanami Kento. That day our arranged marriage began, flowers, different cake flavors, dresses and so many things only I could ever imagine. Through this process Nanami seems to be interested, excited even, but one day that would all change. I remember how he looked at the girl from the bakery, it was like love at first site. After that day Nanami insisted on going more. I didn't mind because my heart was throbbing with love. Love that has developed in a very short amount of time.

Some time after the wedding Nanami spent less time at home and when he was at home we didn't cross eyes. I later discovered that he was cheating, and the girl? Well it was the girl from the bakery. I was destroyed, heart broken. I love Nanami, but he did not love me. Every song I heard, the flower from the garden, even the strawberry reminded me of him. I can't leave him. I love him so much that it hurts, so what did I do? I never confronted the cheating which I regret.

For years the only thing Nanami ever did was leaving the house with a small good bye, and at night he'll come back just to eat and sleep. I tried making conversation but it was worthless. Our time in bed was as bad. The only time we ever had sex was on our wedding night. That was the only time we ever did such an act, and he made sure to let me know that it was the only time he'll do it. I asked him why and he told me that he didn't want to do it,not with me at least.

At some point Nanami didn't even bother to go home. I was there, lonely, with no one by my side. Maybe loving him was never enough. Today some paper was on my door, it was divorce paper. I knew this day was coming, so why am I so sad, heart broken. All of this hurt me so bad but why did it feel like true love? Nanami was never home so why did I love him so much?

Love can be tricky if you don't know how to love. I hate myself for wasting so many years. Maybe I didn't love Nanami, maybe I just love the fantasy I created in my own head about this marriage. Was I even married? If only I'd known about all of this, possibly my life wouldn't be this miserable.

____________________________________________

an: damn this is sad even for me likeeeee. Also I refuse to be aesthetic cuss Im not like other gorls. Okey no I just want some of my humor in my post ya know?. This is my second time writing something and I think Im getting the hang of it (no Im not but ig I'II learn or smth)

[stromuprisahat]

He kissed her without her consent and we know she was attracted to him because the book was in her pov but he never did care for her consent in the ROMANTIC setting. I get not caring about it in the stag/powers thing hut coming onto her when she is saying that she hates you is..

I know I'm gonna regret writing this, but if you need a verbal consent for every kiss, you should probably avoid 99 % of romantic media.

Are we talking about the most awkward first kiss ever, that took even him by surprise?

The kiss in the tent by the Fold, that was clearly powerplay and making a point. (Girl, you think you can manipulate me by insincere temptation?! I can insincerly buy your fake acting.)

The weirdest not-a-sex-dream ever? The one, where the only logical explanation is Alina's mind is lying again, because the Darkling is neither a shapeshifter, nor able to bother her should she not long for his company?

“You cannot lie to me. Do you think I could have come to you again and again, if you had been less alone? You called to me, and I answered.” I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing. “You … you were there?” “On the Fold. In the palace. Last night.”

Siege and Storm Chapter 23

Later, I could never be sure if I’d done it deliberately, or if it was an accident, my bruised heart plucking at that invisible tether. Maybe I was just too tired to resist his pull. I found myself in a blurry room, staring at the Darkling.

Ruin and Rising Chapter 8

The girl is self-gaslighting about easier things to stomach, am I to believe she wouldn't change the target of her desire, when half asleep? When dreaming and reality melt into the most malleable substance? Hell, I can affect my dreams at that stage, and I don't live in magical world.

Even that "affirmation" isn't really affirmation:

He was pressing, trying to provoke me. Instead of shying away, I moved closer. “You came to me wearing Mal’s face that night in your chambers. Was it because you knew I would turn you away?” His fingers tightened on the table’s edge, but then he shrugged. “He was the one you longed for. Do you still?” “No.” “An apt pupil, but a terrible liar.”

Ruin and Rising Chapter 9

When Alina mentions the event, Aleksander reacts with contained anger. Why? He doesn't like Malyen, but they've been talking about him this whole time, why would he mind reminder he even used that face to get to Alina? Perhaps because it wasn't his choice.

Why would Alina "see" something that wasn't his doing? Because as much as she was lonely- therefore Aleksander came to visit her-, she wanted Mal to come to her and listen. And her half-asleep mind could easily provide.

His following question is a bit of a barb. Alina (according to expectations) answers that no, she has no need to long for Mal anymore, but why would she reach to Aleksander otherwise? Now that she knows how the Tether works? Like Sasha says:

“An apt pupil, but a terrible liar.”

She can control their visits, but she's still dishonest about her own feelings.

I have no idea what other kiss this might be about.

[eriexplosion]

God IDK if I'm prepared for Solitary Clone again tbh

Weak for the design of Desix really, I just love this fully enclosed city style thing

And GOD am I weak for Tawni Ames, like. My lady. I'm particularly weak for her in her mask with the voice modulation. Forget taking the dude hostage she should have just shot him. I had to look up his name (Grotton) because I refuse to call him the governor he's just some bitch that showed up suddenly.

CROSSHAIR THOUGH. THERE HE IS. He somehow looks even worse than Return to Kamino and several months (presumably) of recovery from his 32 rotations on an open platform. Terrified to think of what he looked like right when they found him.

The food has upgraded, now instead of merely 'cylinder' we also have 'Drumstick' and 'orb' not that Crosshair gets to eat any of them.

God I'm sorry it is so funny to me that Crosshair has managed to get less popular like it's awful for him obviously but like. He was always dreadfully unpopular HOW did it get worse?

I have a working theory that it's perceived favoritism. Like, he apparently has a bare box for a room and he sleeps on a slab without a blanket but it IS a private room. He gets called on personally by the Admiral, even though the audience knows it's pretty much just to be disrespected. They didn't bother going back for him on Kamino for 32 days but they DID go back for him and that's more than most clones get.

Alternate theory is that his vibes are just that bad because he's so desperate and lonely. Poor bastard sits silently at the end of the table and STILL gets abandonoed.

The way that Crosshair spends so much of this season in a variety of depression jammies

Rampart just casually like BTW HOW LONG DID WE LEAVE YOU FOR DEAD? JUST REMIND ME. I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO DESPERATE THAT YOU'RE STICKING WITH US AFTER THAT.

Seriously the fact that he can be like 'wow this clone is so loyal he forgave us for leaving him for dead' and instead of appreciating what he has he has to needle Crosshair about it. Just. "Left for dead and yet you still came back... why?" Smug faced bastard man.

"I'm a soldier of the Empire" because "I LITERALLY REJECTED EVERYTHING ELSE I HAD FOR THIS I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER OPTIONS" doesn't play as well.

I really want the batch to know about this but I don't think he'd ever tell them. If there's one thing Crosshair is good at it's, for whatever personal reasons, choosing to present himself in the most unsympathetic fashion possible at every opportunity.

I wonder again if Crosshair was ever officially promoted. He still has a CT prefix rather than CC, and Rampart's super casual about putting him under someone else's command, referring to it as 'not ready to play commander again' it's like the entire title was just a good behavior courtesy rather than an actual promotion and so no official changes have had to be made. And now it's clear that Crosshair doesn't need good behavior courtesies or in fact any courtesy whatsoever to try desperately for approval, so why bother?

Really thought that he'd act out more against Crosshair over the false report thing but there's something so funny about the fact that he was doing this LITERALLY just to be a bitch because Rampart just is like that.

CODY

Crosshair looking at Cody's exact markings skeptically until Cody pulls his helmet off because the color is just as important as the design. Why aren''t you YELLOW?

"You're lucky I was available." I love that it takes literally 1 second for Crosshair's completely deadpan snark to come back when faced with Cody because what was he doing before this other than being miserable in his box of a room?

Cody probably is surprised but not because the batch went AWOL but because Crosshair didn't go with them. He doesn't know about the chips and Crosshair was the LEAST likely to follow orders before, not the most. Cody's experiencing Opposite Day over here.

Goddddd the musical cue after 'then they're traitors, like the Jedi' as Cody realizes that Crosshair is NOT safe to pressure on this anymore. I don't think he'd ever actually turn Cody in tbh but Cody can't know that. He's seen a LOT of clones act in ways he never thought they would after all. He's acted in ways he never thought he would.

Crosshair really seems to have dropped his attitude about regs like he uses the word once but he's completely chill with the new squad. Downright chatty practically, he's even said MULTIPLE sentences.

"He saw it coming. The galactic empire." Yeah fun thing about that Tawni, he DID see it coming true because that was. The plan.

I do love that they give people multiple outlooks - Serennians hate Dooku for obvious reasons, on Desix they don't really know how corrupt he was, so Tawni is almost admiring of him. In the end, Dooku and the Republic were corrupted and everyone is suffering for it but they can only see their piece of it.

Can't be mad that Tawni shot them down, Crosshair was told to come here and shoot her pretty much so like, her instincts were Correct.

Off to check the crash for survivors of which there are several literally no crash has ever had no survivors in Star Wars apparently.

Crosshair is so excited to get to shoot things again finally something he's good at.

The way he says "Trust me" just damn. The voice. The voice is so good.

I'm still not over Crosshair sitting COMPLETELY STOCK STILL WHILE BEING SHOT AT, ZERO FLINCHING LIKE THE RISK OF SHRAPNEL ISN'T EVEN REAL. And the shot straight down the tanks barrel, GOD.

The way that if things went different in all of this Crosshair might have actually found some acceptance with a squad but since the universe demands that Crosshair be as miserable as humanly possible as often as possible, that is not to be.

Love how they actually made the droidekas intimidating by bringing them into such tight quarters. Also the sound design on their rolling is done FANTASTICALLY.

Still, RIP Wyler :c

Seeing the tactics play out is so good. Yes I know our boys are on the side of evil but you don't have all the facts. (I love them.)

CODY SCREAMING NOVA'S NAME WHILE CROSSHAIR HAS TO PULL HIM OUT OF RANGE OF THE EXPLOSION.

Stairwell Scene Stairwell Scene STAIRWELL SCENE. Genuinely loved how they framed the fighting here, sticking them into interesting locations where they get to use the environment just. Adore.

POV: you still haven't bothered to train your hand to hand skills

Just yeet the puck into the air it's fine Crosshair will manage it's good. This shot is so completely impossible and improbable but you know what's more important than that? It is extremely cool.

"Nice throw." "Nice shot."

TOO BAD THAT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TO GO VERY BADLY INDEED

THE CALLBACK TO MINA BONTERI GETS ME

The thing is that Crosshair was ordered to kill Tawni like, straight up ordered to kill her, and yeah he still has his rifle raised at this point but he was letting her talk, he was letting Cody actually negotiate, and when he was told to lower his rifle he did.

I remember right after this came out there was a lot of things about how Crosshair was BLOODTHIRSTY and FINE WITH KILLING HER and like he didn't jump to the task, not even when Grotton ordered her execution, he didn't do anything until Cody was threatened with consequences.

Crosshair isn't bloodthirsty, but he will do anything for people he cares about, including taking a shot that he knows Cody never would before Grotton even finishes saying 'consequences for disobedience'

The way Cody tried so hard though just, I love him, I adore him. All he wanted was for everyone to get out of that room alive.

THE WORST PART IS I think Cody fully understands why Crosshair took the shot too. The timing is obvious. And that makes him feel worse, because he did NOT want anyone to die for his sake. He didn't want Crosshair to kill her for his sake either. This whole thing was just too much.

I feel like his last moment with Crosshair in front of the memorial was him still trying one last time to get through to him, let him have a chance to say anything that might make this better (or make it seem like Cody has the option of trying to get him to leave the Empire with him) and Crosshair failed THOROUGHLY by doubling down on orders.

They both have to live with their choices and it's agonizing actually I am in PAIN.

Crosshair lying awake all night and then staring at the helmet when he wakes up.

GOD I am never over the absolute venom in Crosshair's voice when he's forced to spit out Cody's CC number to get Rampart to acknowledge it. It's the way he never argues his own number or his own treatment, but disrespecting CODY is different.

Also Rampart looks completely Disgusted that clones are out here having names still after all this.

His face on 'Problem?' is the most punchable thing I have EVER looked at.

Anyway I really do want to see Cody again post going AWOL but I would also be fine if we don't catch up with him until significantly later and he shows up in Kenobi season 2 or something. Unlike many people did when this aired I don't think they ever wanted to imply anything other than that Cody did in fact go AWOL, so I don't think we'll be seeing him as a CX clone or anything.

God this episode is still so good.

[bringbacktim]

Dial drunk- Jschlatt

A noah kahan inspired jschlatt imagine , this is not proofread or edited so be warned

Sad I didn't write this after the post malone version comes out , his verse sounds so good

Warnings : mentions of breakups , alcohol, death, cops , use of y/n , one swear word

Wc: 1.6k

It was no secret that Jschlatt liked to drink , he wasn't an alcoholic or anything, but he drank more than the average person

This drinking multiple times a week and his recent break up did not mix well together at all

Most nights he would get absolutely plastered and either leave a drunk voicemail or a drunk text (both equally embarrassing for him to discover the next morning)

This night was no different, it was a lonely Saturday evening and Jambo was beginning to grow bored of only having one adult to annoy . Schlatt was done streaming for the day and just wanted to wind down so looked no further than the liquor cabinet in his kitchen

Tonight he was definitely going push the limit of how much alcohol he usually drinks without caring about the consequences because he could physically feel his heart breaking in his chest and it was clearly taking a taking a toll on the orange tabby as well

To say the breakup was messy was an understatement , if it had to be described in one song it would be 'come back be here' by taylor swift. The distance did more harm than good, obviously being in a relationship with a youtuber was hard , but having that youtuber across oceans made it nearly impossible

I'm rememberin' I promised to forget you now

The alcohol was hitting hard by this point and his conscience was very much gone so the shit show that was drunk Jschlatt was going to begin

But it's rainin', and I'm callin' drunk

He could hear the pitter patter of the rain on the window and he thought back to how much y/n loved to cozy up on that very sofa with a hot drink when it rained , so the only logical thing to do was call her and tell her it was raining and that it reminded him of those fond memories

And my medicine is drownin' your perspective out

The liquor was making very much not care about whatever negative thing she would  have to say on the other side of the line if she actually picked up

So I ain't takin' any fault

Am I honest still? Am I half the man I used to be?

Obviously he wasn't going to blame the alcohol for the abrupt phone call , that was all him but not the tough guy he used to be that everyone loved . The gooey in the middle guy who doesn't know how to live without Y/n by his side

I doubt it, forget about it, whatever

It's all the same, anyways

With that saddening thought he put the phone down not even bothering to leave a voicemail because then she would know he was drunk

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown

In the name of someone I no longer know

He definitely wasn't proud of all the times he had defended her name even though she ripped his heart out of his chest , stomped on it , and then shot it until you could see through to the other side

For the shame of being young, drunk, and alone

Traffic lights and a transmitter radio

He doesn't remember his feet taking him out the door or walking down the street he knew her hotel and favourite bar was , but at this point it was muscle memory no matter how hard he tried to forgot it his feet could never forget his old favourite path

That wasn't the only thing his feet forgot how to do because next thing he knew a cop car was pulling up next to him asking how much he'd had to drink and to walk in a straight line (aka the most difficult task in the world at the moment)

I don't like that when they threw me in the car

Being put in the back of the aforementioned cop car was no surprise after he couldn't walk or talk even remotely like a sober person

I gave your name as my emergency phone call

"Is there anyone we can call to come get you and make sure you get home safely?" The cop turned to him and asked

"Y/n Y/l/n" he knew it was a long shot , but she was a relatively nice person

Honey, it rang and rang, even the cops thought you were wrong for hangin' up

After about four attempts at calling the cops gave up and we're shocked that his only lifeline wouldn't come get him or even pick up

I dial drunk, I'll die a drunk, I'll die for you

He knew at that moment his life would stay the same for however many years he still had left, Jambo would be left at home wondering when his father would sober up and give him some attention

I'm untetherin' from the parts of me you'd recognize

From charmin' to alarmin' in seconds

He had changed too much since that last phone call and it was hard for his friends to watch , they didn't recognize him a lot of the time . Even his viewers could see he was a shell of himself

I'll be bedridden, I'll let the pain metastasize

But that's mornin', I'll forget it

He didn't care about streaming half the time and just laid in bed wishing the pain would stop spreading from his heart to everywhere else and controlling him like a little person in his head

But that's mornin', I'll forget it

And the dial tone is all I have

It usually got better once he'd actually manage to get out of bed to feed his cat etc , but he couldn't bear to stop calling just to listen to the dial tone it was all he had left of y/n after all and everyone knows that old habits die hard

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown

In the name of someone I no longer know

He was two seconds away from defending you to the pair of cops who didn't even disrespect you even though you just hang up on him four times

For the shame of being young, drunk, and alone

Traffic lights and a transmitter radio

It was shameful to be so young and this sad over something so silly that a macho man like him shouldn't get upset over , luckily the radio kept spitting out messages so he was silenced for now

I don't like that when they threw me in the car

I gave your name as my emergency phone call

He was pissed about them not only man handling him , but also the fact that you wouldn't even pick up despite him having a habit of doing this , why didn't you even want to know he wasn't a danger to himself like some of your mutual friends said

Honey, it rang and rang, even the cops thought you were wrong for hangin' up

They tried a few more times after a solid five to ten minutes incase she was busy , but still nothing.  They couldn't just let him go and have him wind up dead somehow

I dial drunk, I'd die a drunk, I'd die for you

Well, I'd die for you

Were the only thoughts in his head at that moment , he was obviously destined to be a drunk and die from being reckless

"I beg you, sir, just let me call" he  tried to plead with them to just call once more

"I'll give you my blood alcohol

I'll rot with all the burnouts in the cell" he once again begged, he just needed that one more call

"I'll change my faith, I'll praise the flag

Let's wait, I swear she'll call me back"  they we're growing bored of this emasculating begging routine by now

"Son, are you a danger to yourself?" The cop asked wanting to just send him home

"Fuck that, sir, just let me call

I'll give you my blood alcohol" 

Schlatt replied trying to bargain with the man but this was a fight he wasn't going to win

"I'll rot with all the burnouts in the cell

I'll change my faith, I'll kiss the badge" he tried being on their side and charming them to see if he would finally get his way , but still no avail

"Let's wait, I swear she'll call me back" his voice broke as

"Son, why do you do this to yourself?" The cop asked genuinely curious why a tough guy like him was borderline crying in the back of his car

And I said

"I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown

In the name of someone I no longer know" with his head in his hands and nursing a water bottle he confessed to the man who was definitely confused

For the shame of being young, drunk, and alone

Traffic lights and a transmitter radio

I don't like that when they threw me in the car

He began to question his current situation and what he deserved to end up a drunk who couldn't get over his ex who clearly didn't give a shit about him or his safety

[getting-quicker]

Really? 70 of you?

Is talking about how much of a beta loser I am really going to be the one thing I'm successful at? Like really, if there's 70+ of you following me then I'm officially more popular as a pathetic virgin then some guy at a bar trying to talk to a girl (I've never actually approached a woman to flirt with, I'm that beta lol).

I'm guessing most of you are probably just interested in my progress with turning myself into a premature ejaculator (with no hope of reversing the damage I do to myself). Well, I don't have too much to update. At this point I feel I've conditioned myself into committing to the journey and I've certainty reduced my stamina. Not sure if this is TMI given the nature of what I've been posting but: Used to be I could play around with myself for what seemed like half an hour. Imagining one kinky fantasy and then jumping to another. Now I pick one dirty thought and it's down to a minute. So I'm quicker now, big whoop! I'm still aiming to go hands free.

Plus I'm still hoping one day this account can turn into little stories like, "I accidently noticed a woman's cleavage on the street and I came my pants instantly," or "saw a girl bend over at the store. Couldn't help but catch a glimpse of her buttcrack for a second and blew a load right there next to the breadcrumbs!"

I suppose I'll have to keep posting about how much of a loser I am until I throw away all my self-control. Hm, let's see. Have I mentioned I've pretty much internalized that I'll always be a virgin? It's crazy for me to imagine people have sex on the regular or can get it with some casual effort. Call me nuts but it's almost like sex isn't real. Well, to a creature like me it may as well not be lol. I have gotten some advice back in the day, "dude, it's easy, just talk to her," but, like, how? I'm to shy for that. I know she doesn't want me to bother her anyway.

See, like I was saying at the start, I don't think I've ever actually spoken to a woman with the intent of being flirty. Sure I've fumbled awkwardly with small talk with a crush or two (or seven) but nothing ever worked out with any of them. Why flirt with a girl when you know you're not good enough for her? I wasn't meant to satisfy women! It makes total sense to me I should just embrace being a sexless weirdo. And what better way to embrace this ideal than to commit to a complete inability to ever get laid.

Seems my rambling brought me back to the enlightenment of premature ejaculation. As I said before, my stamina is sabotaged. But I just haven't nailed the hair trigger yet. So that's where I am in that rut. Need to find a way to make myself more sensitive or really double down on a trigger than can go off of me everyday.

Oh and maybe I'll find the time to write more stories involving PE since there just isn't enough out there. If you're still sticking around after reading this mess of a post, well, hopefully my next post can be about the sudden mess I make in my pants.

Also, since I'm obviously very lonely, and if I haven't scared you off yet, don't be afraid to remind me of how much of a beta male I am! My Valentine's Day date is literally just going to be me and a box of donuts because despite all this pervy-ness I want to be a fat fuck on top of all of this!

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Hi! I’m sorry to bother you, but I want to ask you for some advice. I always start writing a scene, but I can never seem to produce a story around it and that makes me not want to finish it. Do you have any suggestions? Thank you in advance.

Hey!

It's no bother, don't worry. I'm always down for talking about writing.

As a certified fucking yapper, I often have the opposing problem of needing to cut extra scenes out of my writing. So I can't say I struggle with this all that much, unfortunately, 'cause that means I'm not very helpful here. I would say, though, first and foremost, plenty of people are in it for the one-shots and single scenes! There doesn't necessarily need to be a whole story constructed around it.

(Or, if you really want it, you might also post it and asking if anyone has ideas to connect it to something larger, brainstorming that way (and crediting someone if you do end up using their idea, of course))

Usually, though, when I don't know where a scene is going, I go back and reread my own writing to get a sense of where my head was at and what I was feeling. I think that's a pretty common tip, though, and it's more about picking up when you already have some semblance of a longer idea. So... yeah, probably not helpful.

Other than that, I might try to pick out what exactly the central theme or act is of the scene you've already written, and then extrapolate out that specifically. With smut, that might be easier, like, oh, this idea revolves around jealous sex, okay, well then I'll build a story where that makes sense or where they build up to that roleplay. Further, oh, this scene is actually about this one specific toy or kink. How do I craft more around that toy, that kink? Angst I could see being easier, too, like, ah, okay, the feeling that this boils down to is loneliness, let me explore that, what makes me feel lonely, what would make this character feel lonely, etc.? Too, while I'm spitballing I might add, I am a certified fucking music guy™️ so, if I were you, I might find a song that the scene I have written reminds me of and let that song--and maybe even similar songs--inspire me.

Overall, I think there's a lot of pressure within the concept of crafting a story, too. No one wants to have plot holes because what if someone notices them and pokes holes in this thing that I made that is so intimate to me!? Everyone wants to have something that people come back to reread again and again because it makes them feel something so intensely they can't stay away. But, let me tell you, there is something to be said, too, about stories that are made for shits and giggles. As much as I have deliberately honed and meticulously crafted and researched for hours for multi-chaptered stories like, "You Can('t) Teach An Old Dog New Tricks," I also have stories where I had one single, stupid thought that I thought about for one second too long and couldn't stop myself from laughing about like, "Coming In Hot."

There is space for it all. Just let yourself make it. It doesn't need to be precious always. It can be fun and funny as much as it can be blood, sweat, and tears.

[anonypeng]

Everyone doesn't have their shit together...

it's been a while, I apologize to myself for not writing as much in here. I felt very non-motivated in writing these past few weeks. it's been super lonely lately... despite being in a relationship. I feel like I'm in this circle of unemotional and unexpressive moments with my partner and I honestly don't know how to handle it. some days I would want to be with them all the time... but then I remember I just wanted to be with the thought of them...

I can't promise myself that I won't be in another bad relationship, I can only promise myself that I will do better to be in one and learn that I love myself, I am enough, and I deserve to be happy and successful on my own terms and not through spite of the other person putting stress and expectations on me. I don't deserve it and no one really does.

if you are single or want to be in a new relationship... this is me telling you a few bits of advice which I have learned while being in one:

make sure you feel comfortable with being by yourself

understand your needs and wants before going into finding someone

don't date without a mutual understanding when dtr

be ready to be SUPER communicative, willing to understand, and do something about it

get comfortable with being uncomfortable at first since you are learning to build something with someone special in your life

make sure you are aware of how you handle anger, arguments, and confrontations

get ready to talk about your feelings and emotions... males especially

make sure you have something to bring to the table... it goes both ways

know that you will fight and have disagreements.. learn how the other person handles it and how you handle it... work on a middle ground and tell the other person how y'all handle this so they know and don't assume or overthink anything

know that you are here for each other and make sure the other person knows that

speak up when something is bothering you... and say it fucking nicely for crying out loud. there's no need to be rude and an asshole...

no one is perfect for you right off the bat... it takes time for the ship to stay afloat for a long time

don't think about your relationship in the future... think about what it is now and how to make things better or how to keep it like that.. you're not gonna know what the relationship is like 10,20,30,40 years from now if you don't focus on the now

don't compare your past relationships or other peoples relationship to yours

comparison and expectations are the thieves of joy.... i leave you with that

those are just a few things I can list... honestly it's a reminder for me and for anyone else who stumbles upon this. there are a billion more things to deal with when it comes to a relationship but honestly, that's for you and your partner to find out and work together on. No relationship is the same because no person is the same. good luck

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary275

6/18-19/24

tuesday - wednesday

the birthday went ok until it didn't.

my gf's brother is a paranoid baby who thinks everybody is making fun of him always and stuff. just a miserable life he leads, can't deal with anything, can't take anything that he could spin into being a slight against him or even people who communicate differently. and it's also not our fault that he says outrageous things that are funny, even, he is a funny person, and it doesn't have to be, and it often isn't, that he is the joke. he is problematic and semi-awful, and he'll look at me and talk about how he'd actually be okay with having a trans gf if he never had to see the dick and i can hear that and say whatever, you know, but it's funny that i make you think that, it's funny to see that as a kind of being sincere, and i don't even hate you for it even though a lot of people rightfully might! and it's not even about this, because it doesn't bother me that much, it's just an example of his whole thing, you know. un-woke and crazy and lonely and stuff. what made him go off at my gf and our friend and me by extension was his paranoia that they and i were all doing all this stuff behind his back, and i don't even know what that would be. like honestly, he called us gaslighters, said all of our personalities were smoke and mirrors, that kind of shit. i don't get it! i'm only ever myself, or, i'm condemned to be myself, this is all there is, there's no trickery, i just think lots of things are funny and maybe it's bad that i default to laughter but i do and i try to be nice to people and stuff. he's an asshole though, condescending constantly, telling me about how i have no way to know america's awful because i've only lived in vegas, how he knows the spirit of the land, how great the east coast is. like sorry i was too poor to move anywhere else my entire fucking life!!! and then we went to a bar downtown and sat in uncomfortable silence after he blew up at us in the parking lot, and i had to mediate, to try and express that if my gf can't figure out why he's losing his shit, why he thinks we aren't nice, even though we're there listening to him, spending time with him, talking to him, doing what he wants, but i guess that put him in the bad mood in the first place, cuz he didn't want to do the cafe thing, so we went somewhere else! the problem was solved, but the fact my gf suggested something instead of letting him pick, which he coulda done she just suggested something to him, like, gosh. what an ass hole.

so there was that. seeing our friend was lovely though, the one who lives here, mo, that kinda thing is always nice, i'm glad he was here to deal with it too, i suppose, if it were just my gf and i, we really would have just shut down probably, or made things a little worse. other people help us be more regular maybe. idk.

or, idk. well adjusted?

anyway, b4 i go work out, here's some pix of me, the sun's coming up and i haven't even worked out yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

, :

my phone cam was like smudged... whoops,

#deaddeaddemon'sswag #wow #wow

is my #wow #whoa thing ironic? am i insincere for that, i think it's like, kawaii and stuff and funny too.., it entertains me, so like, is that fake, what does sincerity even mean when the only sincere thing to someone is talking about how bad life is and how you hate everyone on earth.

n e wayzzz, i need to sleep soon, i haven't got to work on the cover art. i need to remind myself, i want to put a thylacine somewhere on it, maybe like, damaged or something, it just feels like kinda of cool. idk, they always captured me as a kid, an uncanny animal, haunted feeling cuzza the extinction and stuff. the cryptid angle too, i guess how they got put out there online, as creepy long dead ancient things, or creepy because of the long dead and ancient. it's weird how old always =s creepy, i suppose i can understand, old buildings, at least, centers of rot, things we don't want to see living there, weird how dwellings fit us and pests, and other kinds of animals tend to not want to be in these things.

here's some funny photos from the psp camera also:

it handles dark lighting in a really fascinating way to me, super harsh, makes things look like outerspace, noisy as hell too, obv.

i also took a long vid with it today, it seems like i can record a long time with it if i'd like, which gives me some fun ideas. i won't post the vid here, it's by gf's brother blasting carseat headrest in mo's car, just too much. it's out there to find though, or i guess unlisted on yt. i may cannibalize the vid for pieces cuz i like how it looks, all the lights downtown, the sad ugliness of it.

for the cover, i also need to draw some kind of corpse-thing, it seems like a right way to fill some of the space that i'm troubling myself over, just like, fucked up flesh, basically, a pile, or like, maybe think of globsters? to bring it around to cryptids... that's a good idea yea... globster beside tuberose.

listening to this, right now:

a classic, to me, love the weirdo riffs on this, love how it's about a man being so pathetic and self pitying, 'he claims he's the victim', the amount of venom directed at that attitude, it's something that feels really interesting/smart, real autocritique. if not smart, the kind of obvious thing that ought to be surfaced because it's never surfaced enough i think.

i have to sleep now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!