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mustardyellowsunshine · 1 year ago

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In today's episode of Shut Up Robin, Nobody Cares:

I finished Maison Ikkoku back in February, and I had a lot of feelings about the series. (It's good, do yourself a favor and go read it if you haven't.) As I read through it, I couldn't shake the thought: this is the caliber of romantic development Rumiko Takahashi can bring to the table?? We could've had this kind of relationship development in InuYasha??? 😭😭

The other thought I couldn't shake: InuYasha fans who still question the sincerity and depth of InuYasha's feelings for Kagome might benefit from reading Maison Ikkoku all the way to the end. They should read the final chapters of Maison Ikkoku, think for awhile about the blatant parallel themes found in InuYasha, and then try reevaluating InuKag's dynamic.

Now, I should clarify: I think the InuYasha series already makes it abundantly self-evident that the Inu/Kag/Kik "triangle" (🙄) is a complex situation that puts InuYasha in an extremely difficult position. (Well, it puts all of them in a difficult position, but you get the idea.) You just have to read the series with your brain on to see that. To review: teenage boy is tricked and terrorized by a demonic murderer; that demon successfully murders the boy's ex while masquerading as him; later his ex is revived from the dead against her will, wanders the earth as a vengeful spirit for awhile (who wouldn't be pissed about being brought back into that bullshit?), and is actively stalked by the demon who already murdered her once; teenage boy is falling in love with someone else when this happens, but he still wants to save his ex from being re-victimized by the demon who already brutally murdered her once. Anyone who sees that situation and describes it with a straight face as "InuYasha needs to make up his mind already" is probably never going to reconsider their assessment of InuYasha's character. They've already formed an opinion in defiance of the evidence. That ship done sailed.

But for some folks, I think experiencing the way Maison Ikkoku explores the same relationship themes—and particularly how it resolves those themes in the final chapters—could help them re-evaluate the emotional nuances in InuKag's relationship, and maybe help to re-contextualize the Inu/Kag/Kik conflict.

The parallels between Godai/Kyoko and InuYasha/Kagome are pretty obvious—Rumiko Takahashi consistently revisits this relationship dynamic in her work (it's present in Mao to a lesser extent). But I think Maison Ikkoku more directly confronts the emotional complexity of that dynamic. You can feel the difference in how RT more directly explores the messiness, complications, and pain of a) grieving a former relationship even while falling in love with someone else, and b) loving someone who is still tangled up in grieving their past. The InuYasha series obviously deals with those themes too, but Maison Ikkoku brings more focus and resolution to its exploration.

This may be for two reasons: 1) Maison Ikkoku had an older audience, as it was published in a seinen magazine geared for adult men between 18 - 40 years old, and 2) the relationship tension between Godai/Kyoko pretty much constitutes the main story of Maison Ikkoku; in InuYasha, the plot (such as it is) revolves around a vengeance quest and the monster of the week, and the relationship tensions between InuKag are second to that. Maybe that's why RT was more willing to get into the weeds with Godai/Kyoko and to more directly resolve the tension.

InuYasha does have some standout chapters where it explicitly deals with the tension of InuKag's situation (e.g., chapter 78, chapter 124, chapter 176, chapter 286, chapter 458, etc.), but there's this distinct hesitance in the narrative to resolve that tension in a substantive way. That's one of my beefs with the InuYasha series: it gives us moments of standout, concrete relationship development which then doesn't impact the future narrative all that much. The same relationship conflicts play out over and over again, well past their narrative expiration dates. See: Miroku flirting with women right in front of Sango after they've acknowledged feelings for each other; also the entire Kaō arc, which just... I do not understand the narrative purpose of that arc when it just exacerbates tensions that already existed and resolves none of them. Anyway. I digress.

You could argue this hesitance to permanently resolve relationship conflict comes from the episodic nature of InuYasha's storytelling. There's some truth to that, but that's not a satisfying explanation for why the main couple's relational status quo remains inert for the latter half of the series. Maison Ikkoku also does this to an extent—the "will they, won't they?" tension is strung along for as long as possible—but in general Maison Ikkoku does a better job of allowing relationship development to actually affect the narrative. Moments of emotional revelation and growth do change the relational status quo between Godai and Kyoko. They don't stay in quite the same relationship limbo that InuYasha and Kagome get stuck in for the latter half of the series. (It probably also helps that Maison Ikkoku is significantly shorter than InuYasha.)

All that to say: I think Godai/Kyoko is actually a useful mirror for examining InuKag, because they share the same themes and relationship dynamics without sharing the same narrative failings.

Okay, so: big time major spoilers ahead for Maison Ikkoku. Stop here if you don't want to see the conclusion of that series.

I want to look at how Maison Ikkoku's conclusion simultaneously revisits and resolves the main conflict between Godai/Kyoko.

Ahhhhhh my feelings!!! Man I love this series.

Okay, let's review the major takeaways from this scene:

• Notice how the tension between Godai and Kyoko—Godai's struggle with insecurity and Kyoko's feelings for her deceased husband—mirrors the tension between InuKag. And notice that the reader is encouraged to sympathize with both Godai and Kyoko. Godai is not "at fault" for struggling with insecurity and feelings of jealousy. That's a natural human feeling to have, especially in a relationship that hasn't been anywhere near secure until very recently. And despite whatever jealousy or inadequacy he may be feeling, Godai tries to see things from Kyoko's perspective. Part of Godai's struggle—the heartache of it—is his understanding that Kyoko is also not at fault. It's not her fault that she married before she ever met Godai, it's not her fault her husband died, and it's not her fault that she's struggling with the grief of that tragedy. She's trying to reorient herself to her new life after loss; she's falling in love with Godai, but she's also scared of betraying her husband's memory. (Let's hold that mirror up to InuYasha now, shall we? SHALL WE?) Moving on from Soichiro emotionally represents to Kyoko a breach of duty to a loved one.

• To reiterate: neither Godai nor Kyoko are "at fault" in this situation. That's precisely why it's a tragedy. They both have to process painful, messy feelings; both their feelings are valid and understandable. (Hold that mirror up to InuKag, girl. HOLD IT UP.)

• Notice how Godai explicitly acknowledges that loving Kyoko means loving the Kyoko who once loved Soichiro. "On the day I met Kyoko, you were already within her. That's the Kyoko I fell in love with." It's impossible to divorce Kyoko from her feelings for her former husband: that part of her life significantly shaped her into who she is. And I just love that Godai is hashing out his feelings at Soichiro's grave: it shows a sort of respect for Soichiro's memory, but more importantly it also shows that Godai knows his negative feelings can't ultimately be "fixed" by Kyoko. If she could fix them, he'd be having this conversation with her. (And by this point in the series they have had this conversation.) But Godai knows he's the only one who can truly work through/resolve his insecurity—especially now, when Kyoko has already assured him that she loves him—and I love how the scene's setting subtly demonstrates that. Soichiro's ghost is haunting Godai's feelings, not Kyoko's, and Godai is trying to work through that with Soichiro himself. There's no love triangle to resolve here: what needs resolving is Godai's own feelings of inadequacy which no amount of assurance from Kyoko can ultimately "fix." This is his ghost to fight. (We get an echo of this kind of inner conflict in chapter 458 of InuYasha: Kagome directly wrestles with the "ghost" of Kikyo and struggles toward some resolution of her own insecurities.... Only for the Kaō arc to come along later and materially damage that resolution and character growth for no clear reason, BUT I DIGRESS.) And this scene shows that Godai wins that fight: he comes to understand that loving Kyoko has to include accepting her past. Kagome reaches a very similar understanding in chapters 175 and 176 of InuYasha.

• To reiterate: Maison Ikkoku's conclusion is not the resolution of a "love triangle." It's the resolution of a series-long conflict, which is completely different. In order for love triangles to work—to actually function as love triangles—two competing love interests have to be viable options. This is quite evidently not the case in Maison Ikkoku: Soichiro is dead at the start of the series. It's literally impossible for Kyoko to choose him in any meaningful way. RT blatantly acknowledges this early in the series when Kyoko's father-in-law tells her she has to live her life. I cannot stress enough how self-consciously the series is not about a love triangle between Godai/Kyoko/Soichiro. (Mitaka is another matter entirely, for a different post.) Rather, the series is about the damaging power of grief in our lives, the rocky and painfully non-linear journey to healing from that grief, and how messy, fraught, and ultimately profoundly beautiful it is to love another person for exactly who they are — past pain/trauma and all. (Please for the love of heaven hold that mirror up to InuKag.)

• No, you know what? I'm not leaving that at a parenthetical. I'm just gonna say it: exactly as Maison Ikkoku is not about a love triangle, InuYasha isn't either. For the same reasons as stated above, the Inu/Kag/Kik dynamic is not ultimately a love triangle because Kikyo is dead at the start of the series. And while her spirit is magically revived—in an altered/diminished form—she is still not truly alive. The story conspicuously communicates this: her body is literally created from decomposing bones and cannot sustain itself (she needs to consume souls—other deceased spirits—to remain animated), symbolically suggesting she is of the dead even as she walks among the living. This is a facsimile of life. RT is not subtle about this. Kikyo is a tragic and complex character whose arc can be interpreted in many ways, but I think it's fair to say that the series self-consciously represents her as a past which can't be recovered. The damage has been done. She is dead, time continues to move forward, and there's no reversing that. (That's, again, why it's a tragedy.) Even her resurrected body symbolically represents this reality via death imagery. Ergo, from the very start of the series—just as we see in Maison Ikkoku—Kikyo is not a truly viable option for InuYasha. He can't choose her in any meaningful way. To "choose" her would be to essentially choose death—abandonment of life—just as Kyoko choosing Soichiro would make her "a wife who hadn't died yet." Kikyo represents an irrecoverable past just as Soichiro does. And the main thematic trajectory of each series does not suggest that Kyoko/InuYasha should give up on life by choosing death — it suggests they should choose life. Godai and Kagome conspicuously represent life, the possibility of living into the future. (Kagome is literally from the future, that's how unsubtle RT is about this.)

(A quick aside while we're here: no, Kikyo's not being a viable option does nothing to diminish the sincerity of InuYasha's feelings for Kagome. Kagome is not a "second choice," for the love of God the series blatantly addresses that very thing many, many times—like it's right there y'all—and I have already written a long ass post about why Kagome's insecurity over InuYasha's feelings for her shouldn't be taken as gospel truth.)

So, rather than being an actual love triangle, I think the Inu/Kag/Kik dynamic is a complicated emotional landscape that explores the same themes Maison Ikkoku does: how grief and trauma affect our lives, how painful and messy it can be to heal from that grief, and that loving someone—choosing to take that mutual risk with them—means trusting that they mean it when they tell/show us they love us, and choosing to trust them more than our own insecurities.

It's just that Maison Ikkoku explores those themes a little better. 😅 Which is why I think it makes a good mirror for re-examining InuKag: all the same themes without all the narrative failings and missed opportunities. ✌🏼

#it's done!!!! I've been sitting on this since March @__@#there was a whole other section comparing and contrasting Maison Ikkoku's conclusion with chapter 176 in InuYasha...#but it was too meandering and I lost the plot on it so maybe I'll try that again in a different post one day lol #InuKag #Maison Ikkoku #analysis #that whole section where I basically said 'some emotional intelligence is required to understand InuYasha's situation'#that same sentiment caused the biggest shit fest I've ever seen on a fandom server #it was truly mind boggling #so naturally i've decided to write a 2200 word essay to more thoroughly explore that idea 😈

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sansloii · 3 months ago

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SHIPPING SPARK NOTES: EVAN DUERR ( bio can be found here )

things people should know about him going into it all:

Evan self sabotages a LOT so he will either say or do some shit that puts him in hot water with... whoever he's kinda interested in. Or whoever’s kinda interested in him. The nature of his job makes it easy for him to fuck someone once and never talk to them again and trust me when i say that he's done this. and can do it again.

And that leads into this second point—he needs patience and time. He will fuck up, he will pull away, and he will say things he doesn’t mean. And will make it very clear that’s not something you have to put up with ( though it’s meant as a distancing tactic, it’s very true ). you can hold out for him if you so choose, but the path to him settling and choosing introspection instead of running is paved with potholes and bumps.

one has to be okay with how close he is to Mikah, but they do not have to tolerate feeling like they’re third-wheeling their friendship. The two are very close and Evan does feel something semi-romantic towards them. He has never acted on it and likely never will in the near or far future unless there is some plot reason for it. He will get over it if he is interested a relationship with someone else. He will not cheat.

If the above didn’t clue anyone in, the man is emotionally closed off. He does not want to talk about his feelings at aaaaaalll... copes with them with sex and alcohol. Also gets super invested in emotionally unavailable people or people that are not interested in him like that ( See: Mikah ) for a reason that totally has nothing to do with past trauma and neglect.

He is a mess. I am sorry if you like him. Your journey will not be easy. I promise he's like a puppy beneath all that nonsense. You just gotta wade through some bullshit first.

Details:

Hoo boy.

So like… as far as getting close to Evan, it’s in a similar vein as getting close to Mikah. Friendship is key. Though that friendship can occur in many ways, it’s the comfort of… understanding him beforehand (or starting to) that helps him ease into things. Evan knows himself very well and knows that… while it’s not like he’s wants to be an asshole or wants to like… string people along, he also knows that the type of vulnerability that tends to go right along with romantic relationships is something that he struggles with a lot. It’s so much easier said than done for him and part of him struggles with wanting to work through that and address why he feels that way. It’s a difficult process and Evan chooses to… not deal with it—he makes an active choice to not deal with it, which has led to the unraveling of many of his past romantic relationships. It is easier for him to drown whatever… thoughts and regrets and moments of second guessing in sex and alcohol. Backing out early is always more appealing to him so he doesn’t end up getting hurt or hurting someone else long term. Because his mind rationalizes it as “why would you stay in a relationship that you know you’re gonna fuck up? You already fucked up a handful already—don’t bother.”

And yet, he’s a very attentive person. He tries to be a good friend ( albeit, he is a bad influence ) and it’s not like he’s a unreasonable dickhead all the time. He wants companionship, but to a point ( again, see how he is so close to Mikah ) and wants that closeness without that defined commitment—at least, that’s what’ll get him to stay right now.With him, it’s like two wolves fighting each other internally. Romanticism gives him the fucking hives, but he’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t mourn a relationship like the one he has with Mikah.

:) so like… enjoy navigating that little shit show. Evan does not make it easy.

As for preference, Straight and simple—he does… tend… to lean towards people that could absolutely curb stomp him. Like legitimately kill him. Won’t, but the capacity has to be there. Doesn’t matter if they’re shorter than him, doesn’t matter if they’re taller, bececause it isn’t what he’s looking for… it just happens.

What he craves in the bedroom is a challenge. He likes butting heads a little bit ( or a lot ) with whoever he’s sleeping with. He’s no stranger to being dominant and tends to play that role in the bedroom. However, if his partner wants the reigns, he will give it to them…. But only if they take it or yank on his leash a little. There needs to be a little give and take with him—some balance. He doesn’t mind if his partner is rough with him ( and encourages it ) but will… keep an eye and ear on how rough his partner wants him to be with them. Leave bites, leave scratches, leave bruises—he will not care.. unless you don’t allow him to leave any in turn. Evan has a open mind and is willing to try something he hasn’t before within reason ( though… that list is admittedly kinda small, but that’s because it’s mostly made up of “Hard no’s” for him ).

#⚜ ┊ ( e. headcanons )#.my SECOND favorite meow meow after mikah #.love him love him love him #.hate how he behaves but i love him #.because he's a mess :) but my mess

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buddiewho · 3 months ago

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LONG POST!!

I have mixed feelings about 8x01. Not entirely sure what's up with the Christopher storyline?? Okay, so yes, I understand Christopher wanting to run miles away from the situation, I really do. I also understand Eddie's attempts to keep a relationship with his son even if Christopher does not want to build it back up at this time. You know what I mean?

There is something oddly suspicous about the pool thing with Helena…I know that slowly but surely Eddie helped Christopher get back to the beach and near the water. In the water?? I don't know it's got me raising my eyebrows.

Then in the interim, thinking about Eddie kind of sort of "third wheeling" Buck and Tommy. For example, the three of them are probably spending a lot of time together because somehow I do not believe Buck is going to leave Eddie alone for a long amount of time, unless specifically asked to do so. Then of course, I do think it's almost like "sharing" Eddie. Haha. Buck spends time with him. Then Eddie probably still goes to fights with Tommy. So they're all being friends and sharing time with each other??

Where they've asked Bobby to go is kind of odd. This whole meta show within a show thing, well, I've experienced that before (*coughs* SPN). It is an interesting turn of events for 911, if I say so myself, yet maybe it makes sense because LA/Hollywood?? Athena always kicks ass in everything she does. Putting that guy in the trunk…hilarious. On a different note, her amount of strength it takes to even agree to this prisoner transfer...

I do hope Hen and Karen find ways to screw over the politician lady that is screwing them over. Thankfully, we know Mara is in a safe place and still with the entire 118 fam, you know? However, I will say like someone else mentioned here, why the Harry Potter thing? Could've been a million other things? I don't know…an interest in dinosaurs so Mara and Chim run around making weird dino sounds? Yet this is something easily dismissed, when you pull back for the big picture of where season 8 is headed…

Personally, I did love the episode in the way that it showcases Buck. Sure, there have been times Buck has shown insolence and Bobby almost fired him for it. The problem is, Buck is not a disgrace to the uniform. The uniform is frankly, all he knows, and this job is something he is very capable of (which is sometimes not said DIRECTLY to Buck enough).

What I mean to say, Gerrard is insulting who he thinks is an insolent, independent thinking, rule breaker, but Buck has made strides in that regard. Is he sometimes himbo brained, well, yes, of course, but is he also sometimes armed and ready with INSANE facts of niche interest/thing, well, why yes of course he is. Sometimes that knowledge is best put to use; however, Gerrard's power trips are something else.

Hopefully, he comes to seeing an error of his ways kind of thing, or as I postulate- loses his memory? He has no idea who anyone is at the 118 and is barely capable of remembering who he is. Something other than, how it was with Chim and Tommy. Chim saved Tommy's life and so then Tommy understood the error of his ways. I do not want Gerrard there at all you know? I want him to somehow just forget everything long term and then have to navigate life somewhere else. Then the Fire Chief will make Hen or Chim Captain if they will not bring Bobby back. Bringing Bobby back is going to take the whole damn season by the way since they just started this actor shadowing him thing in their meta world.

This post may now take a SHIPPING turn. Fair warning:

Aside from the episode as a whole, I do wonder about Buck and Tommy. Ngl, I slightly agree with a comment I saw about Tommy disregarding things Buck is saying or how he is feeling, but on the one hand I also see how it'd be difficult to assess what exactly Buck wants when he is at the party complaining about Gerrard.

Does Buck just want Tommy to listen? Does Buck want words of endearment? Looks as if he only got a, "That sounds like Gerrard." And honestly, Tommy is probably going to be a straightforward type of man, which will maybe come off as cold. My thing is, in this situation, I'd have no idea what to say, besides listening to my partner rant about someone at their work who I also happened to know and do not want to interact with anymore, because around that person, I was a different person; someone I did not want to be. Would I (as Tommy might) feel bad that my now partner has to experience all that is wrong with Gerrard? Yes, I (he might)would be. But as the script went, all Tommy had to say was something brief, because really, what else is there to say? Now, if Buck had been for some reason mentally broken down to a sobbing fit of some sort then that'd call for some physical reach out from Tommy, right? I do not know why I am over analyzing this interaction, but I do wonder if Tommy's closed off attitude in physicality (at times) and even verbally will become an issue. I do think a relationship can become emotionally one-sided if only one partner is expressing thoughts and feelings, while the other is just kind of meh. You know?

Which leads me to the highs and lows we've already experienced with Buck and Eddie being entirely vulnerable with one another by choice or forced by dangerous life and death situations. What I mean to say is that technically, as always we still see Eddie being emotionally available (something Eddie has actively worked to improve) and supportive towards Buck, you know? Still not entirely sure, Tommy will actually be fleshed out for much longer, because at the end of the day, Buck will need someone who is emotionally available and ready to communicate, plus, listen. This is something we know Eddie can do for Buck and vice versa.

OKay, I digress. If you read this post. Thank you. It's long. I have no idea what any of it means, but I do know that for me, some sort of spark has been reignited when it comes to Buddie.

PS: Anyone out there insulting Eddie Diaz's character in any way is a sack of potatoes. If that man simply ignored Christopher then I frankly, think it'd be worse. Trying even when Christopher is not trying or giving an inch is the best thing Eddie can be doing. If he simply gave up, that is when I'd question something. In this situation, a parent reaching out to their child is ABSOLUTELY needed. I think doing it via video chatting is actually best as well. Christopher moved himself miles away from being physically near his father, so Eddie packing up and GOING to Texas would have been the wrong move, if you ask me. Do I firmly believe Eddie is still doing the right thing? Hell yes I do.

Can the mustache go? Actually, yeah, that thing can disappear please. But hey, this shot does make for a good meme:

#truthfully that shot of Eddie totally sums up how I watched this episode #911 on abc #911 spoilers #buddie #bucktommy #thank you gif makers

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separatist-apologist · 4 months ago

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You run a lot of events, so what do you think about events blocking people?

Oof, okay. You keep sending this ask, so I'm going to answer it. Please take into account that I do not speak for everyone, though I do know the majority of event runners in the fandom (inability to mind my own business).

I want to start by saying that fandom events are for the fandom/community at large. The goal is to have dedicated appreciation around a character, ship, theme- whatever. Something that brings everyone together in a positive way. Every event in the ACOTAR fandom is volunteer ran and, at least from my experience, takes an enormous amount of effort.

I've never met an event runner who wanted their event to cause problems, start drama, or otherwise alienate people. I don't know EVERYONE personally, so maybe someone is reading this "well I do want that", but they're certainly in the minority.

Running an event sometimes requires balancing the overall needs of the community with the wants of a few people. I know folks who have blocked people from events because they have every member of the event blocked, and it's too much effort trying to wrangle these individuals, especially if the event is very large and has a lot of content each day. These events typically have their moderators listed on the pinned post of the blog, so folks can check and see who runs it, and if they're blocked AND they've blocked all the admins...that's probably why.

Other events may block people they perceive might be anti-character/ship. Elucien week does that liberally, I think a lot of ship events that are part of the "ship war" probably do this.

I know this can feel hurtful- it's why LB and I have chosen not to block people (minus the ship events we host), even if they have us blocked, from events we run (unless they start problems with the event itself). So long as people remain respectful, if they want to participate we set aside our personal feelings because we're balancing the enjoyment of the community with our own personal feelings and frustrations.

However, I'm not condemning events that choose to operate differently. Just like fandom events are a community, so too are our individual interactions with folks. I won't speak for anyone else, nor will I say I don't think this should be allowed. There is nothing worse than having to host an event people are using as a battleground, or having to play nice with people who are taking shots at you every other second of the year, especially when you're doing this because you love the material.

So in short- I think event runners should be allowed to run their events in a way that feels supportive to them. Running a successful event is incredibly difficult- LB and I began planning and implementing our projects for elucienweek in January of last year for an anticipated week in July. Events that feature a lot of interactive elements, activities, and what have you are also doing the same. LB, Meghan, and I spent a lot of money, for example, to commission our coloring pages. LB makes quizzes, we did flappy elucien- it's just a lot of moving parts, and I'm saying that because if you do it well, it all seems very effortless and easy. Behind the scenes, though, it's a lot of work and the last thing anyone wants to worry about is other people trying to wreck all the careful preparation.

#was this helpful?#i hope i answered your questions satisfactorily because youve sent it six times #and not to be rude but if i dont answer it the first few times its probably because im trying to avoid a shit show in my askbox #i would ask- if there are follow up comments- that people are respectful

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tewwor · 1 month ago

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whats your take on common nanami ships and higu ships. ex: gojo & nanami, higuruma & sukuna, etc. basically anything you can think of. like them? hate them? any particular biases or interests? feel free to talk about some of your favorite ships too

a sweet treat! — unprompted

gesp ... anon, i'm hugging you so tightly. thank you for sending this!! not entirely sure what's considered as a rarepair at this point since ... i consider all of these as genuine pairings lel. not going to put this under a readmore but i'll tag it with long post tw

gojo x nanami: i see it! i think there's a lot of meat to their relationship in particular even outside of romance. they attended jjt in the same period, and there's ... only so many of them, y'know? and even past nanami's hiatus from being a sorcerer — it's shown how their dynamic hasn't changed. and i think, if you take into consideration how there's only so many of them left from either class ... yeah, there's a definite bond between the two. even if their mannerisms couldn't be more different. i think they're fun!

higuruma x sukuna: okay, i'm going to be So fr and perhaps controversial. sukuna wasn't ... the most compelling character to me throughout the series :-| BUT my eyes have been opened / i do appreciate him through the depictions from my wonderful mutuals. i understand now. but i do think that they're dynamic is interesting! you have this ancient Big Bad and this middle aged dude that was just turned not normal. and they duke it out???? life or death? not to mention how much potential higu has already? i get it! i get the interest!! and i specifically like to circle around plots that have to do with higu being pushed further. develop new ways and perfect his ct. also, i think it brings out a new level of indulgence and greed from higu? at least, that's how i write him :-)

nanami x haibara: end me :-) i say that with much love and many, many tears. i think it's good. romance aside, they mesh incredibly well. even with what gege said about how they were the only two in that class. it's clear, to me at least, how much they genuinely cared about each other beyond that. they're almost opposites and compliment each other to the nth degree!!

nanami x higuruma: ah … yeah …. just two fellers doing their best in this corporation rat race :-) what's there not to like? sure, they're in different practices in Normal Human Society, but they share the same values. even have similar personalities. and i think that it's especially interesting with how observant both of them are / what they do with the information gleaned from one another. it's a 100/10 for me, but i'm super biased with office workers just figuring out life + anyone else that happens to pile into it.

higuruma x kusakabe: yeah .... they had like only a handful of panels together, but hey — it'll do. again, i'm incredibly biased, but i do think it's a very, very good pairing. they're just another pair of fellers that are living life. and i think it's especially noteworthy how kusakabe's shown how ready he is to lay down his life to protect higu in battle & ( this is highly influenced with my interpretation of higu ) how higu is willing to continue to live life instead of simply ... not. one of my top favs and i can yap for an eternity, thnkx.

nanami x ijichi: okay, i think this one's a rarepair! then again, everything with ijichi sort of is howighaiowg. anyways. i've been thinking about this lately and it makes me realize that ijichi can almost be like a catalyst in genuine healing for nanami. in the sense that they can actually talk about the hardships sorcerers have. how they both care immensely for the students. and while nanami exhibits a great amount of care for his colleagues and students — who cares for him? who holds space for him that's open enough for him to actually talk about more emotionally difficult situations? i think ijichi does/can/will. and ijiachi's often seen as a fretful, soft person but no one can deny how much he cares. and tbh? i think it takes a lot of strength to be able to sit with someone struggling with their mental state / emotions, but also figure out ways that actually benefit them. anyways. love em.

#* & bbring bbring mail time — answered .#long post tw #// is this anything? my hands just kept typing and my brain was lagging behind hHWEOIGHAWOIHG #// didnt even get into throuples because.... that wouldve been 600 words more #// anyways. ask me more :3c

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conjectureand-gloom · 11 months ago

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for the fandom asks ✨ 4, 5, 7, 10, 11, 16, 23, 24

(a lot, i know, but i'm a naturally curious person as everyone can see. if you don't feel like answering all of them, just pick the ones you like!!!)

omg no i loooove having loads!!!

gonna put this under a cut because this is so long omg i’m sorry-

4- say something nice about a ship you don’t ship

oooh okay. this is kinda difficult lmao bc i ship literally nearly everything in the hamilton fandom. i ship some a bit more, but i am a huuuuuge multishipper lmao

i think i’m gonna go with jamilmads. okay i loooove their dynamic though, like friends to lovers is soooo cute and sweet and just so like. it’s absolutely adorable. aND LIKE. THOMAS TAKING CARE OF MADISON WHEN HES SICK. LIKE???????

5- something you see in fics a lot and love

omg. okay. firstly in more historical fics, i loooove the aides interactions. like their dynamic is just so special to me.

and something else i’ve noticed a bit is that in lams fics, john uses petnames a lot more than alexander does. i don’t know why, i’ve just noticed it. but i love it so much. i kinda like to picture that alexander just has so many words, but when it comes to having a petname for john he just can’t think of anything to describe him. i don’t know, that’s just what i think. also the ‘my dear boy’ nickname???? obsessed. actually my favourite thing in the whole world.

7- your favourite tropes to read/write/draw

my favourite trope is found family. i looooove reading and writing found family and washingdad and the hamilsquad and just agdkqhdkajds. especially if there’s been some angst and hurt/comfort shoved in there that led to the found family?? i love it so so much

10- a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

you expect me to pick JUST ONE??????????

ahahaha. no.

@jittyjames bestie i don’t even know how to begin this. jami you were the first person i really ever interacted with in this fandom. your fics just bring me so much happiness and interacting with everyone in the comment section of your fics just made me feel so much more comfortable and accepted and helped me build that courage to join tumblr and beginning writing and all of that. your support especially, both with writing and fandom, and with personal experiences have impacted me and helped me so so much. i genuinely cannot thank you enough, and i really hope you know how much you mean to me

@starduckys you are just. you are so so incredible, you’re so talented and so sweet and funny and just sooo amazing. i don’t think i can even explain just how important you are to me. you’re so supportive, and you have made this fandom so so special to me. i also absolutely love your blog, in case you couldn’t tell by my often stalking through your blog and liking/reblogging everything <333

@kwilooo i think you were the first friend i made in this fandom, back before i was posting, i think. seeing your updates, and seeing your replies on my comments (way back on wattpad omg!????) made me so so happy, and i still find it absolutely insane that you then found me here on tumblr!! like? that’s insane. anyway you are a huuuuge part of my fandom experience. seeing your writing made me feel so confident and comfortable and it was really important to me

@unicornsaures we’ve only started interacting recently, but i love your blog so much, and you seem so so nice and amazing and you make this fandom so amazing and special to me

unfortunately almost all of my older hamilton mutuals don’t really talk with me much anymore, but anyone i ever interacted with in this fandom, i hope you all know how special you are to me, and how much much you have all impacted my fandom experience and how much more incredible you’ve made it all. and if anyone wants to chat with me, please just message me! you’re all so sweet and i would love to make more friends, whether in the hamilton fandom or not <333

11- if you’re a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

okay i have a few.

this is biased given its personal AND super recent, but “i haven’t slept in a week”. i was scared to post that but im actually really proud of that writing lmao, despite how terrified i was to post it

then there’s “for all the love i’ve found in you, i’ll be forever grateful baby”. i hated it at the time but i’ve grown to be really proud of it, and that poem i wrote. also because i wrote that for akeyla and it’s actually really sweet

and also “baby it’s cold outside”. that fic is my child like i’m so proud of that fic

and then also “like crying out in empty rooms, with no one there except the moon”, “like mother, like daughter” (agggtm), “but this situation’s helpless” (this was my favourite fic id ever written for soooo long), “fools who run their mouths off wind up dead”, and “steal into my affections”

16- a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

omg okay so musical canon, i think people should focus on some of the ways that burr especially says some lines. like the sound of his voice, the way his delivers his lines. like i made that soit the other day about how he says “i get a drink” in the world was wide enough. i feel like we really need to appreciate more the way he delivers his lines. i don’t know how to describe it, but he just sounded like. flat. you can tell by his voice he was just like. “holy shit. i have just killed hamilton.” and he regretted it. i don’t know how to explain it. but we really need to appreciate this more

in historical canon, i feel like we need to focus more on the schuylkill incident. i swear that’s the funniest story ever. and also the aides friendships and family dynamic?? and also lafayette and washington’s friendship and kinda like. father-son relationship. it’s just. as much as i absolutely adooooore washington and alexander’s relationship, in historical canon he was definitely closer with lafayette than alexander.

23- the fandom you’re curious about because of a mutual

ooh. okay. this is kinda difficult.

1776 (musical) because of literally sooo many of my mutuals lmao. i’ve been wanting to get into it for aaaages and i know it’s kinda like. amrev. i just haven’t got into it yet

okay i know i have more, i think there are some that @felizusnavidad and @anixknowsnothin are in that i’m curious about but i cannot remember them lmao

24- how has fandom positively impacted your life?

okay. how do i even begin with this.

fandom has been a huuuge part of my life since i was 6, with harry potter. i remember when i was in year 5 (10-11 years old-ish), we had to write a creative story, and i fully wrote a marauders era fanfiction. because that’s how i got into creativity, it was through fanfiction. i remember my year 5 teacher giving me a whole lecture about how i can’t write something that already exists, and i was really upset about it, and i spent ages refusing to write fanfiction, and only write original works, and i just couldn’t get anything written. fandom and fanfiction is a huge part of my life, and it’s a huge outlet of stress for me.

i would use fanfiction to make sense of my feelings for years, even when i was younger, and i’d get a bit of disconnect from strong emotions by giving them to characters, and i’d feel just that little bit better. and also reading fanfictions, where a character is feeling and going through similar things always make me feels a little bit less alone, i could read or watch the canon material and see my comfort character, and i’d remember that in a certain fanfiction where the character may have been going through something similar to me, and i’d be like, “well if this character, who is so strong, can get through it, i can get through this. i can do it.” and it would give me that comfort. seeing my comfort characters feeling the same way always makes me feel a bit better about everything

thank you so so much for this!!!! i loved answering these <333333

#asks #jittyjames #omg i’m so sorry it took me so long-#i had karate for an hour halfway through this and then the draft deleted and i had to rewrite like. half of it #but i really loved answering all of these!!!! thank you!!!!!!!#to anyone else who has sent me an ask #i’ll answer them tmr <33

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sapphire-weapon · 1 year ago

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Hey Sirea! How's your Sunday going?

So, I know you're not really into discussing the whole Aeon community thing, but I'm curious about your take on it.

Do you think they've kinda turned into this entitled part of the fandom because of the OG timeline and Capcom pushing Aeon? (I haven't been mingling with the fandom for long, even though I've been a fan for ages, and maybe I should've stayed away from this drama, haha). Orrrr, do you think they've just misunderstood a lot of what happened in the OG events and cling to their own ideas about the characters? Personally, even when I was a teenager and leaning towards liking Aeon, I always thought, "Sure, they've had some intense moments and saved each other's skins, but are they really all that transparent with each other? Nope. Does Leon trust her unreservedly? Not really and he never will." And I thought that was the whole point of their relationship; it was doomed even before it started and it was just teasing and more of an frenemies situation. I never really believed they'd ride off into the sunset together; I thought their "romance" was more of a fan service thing, to be honest. But now I see not many folks share that view in the OG RE crowd and shippers are very intense.

And with the remakes, the changes to Aeons dynamics are significant, but I'm seeing the same attitude (a lot worse, actually), as if Aeon being canon is a given and they're destined to be together, and any other woman interacting with Leon is irrelevant and he has no chemistry with anyone else who isn't Ada, and the other ships are trash because they're not canon and only Aeon has that benefit in the franchise. Not sure where all that entitlement comes from. Was it always like this, or is it generational?

Anyway, feel free to ignore my ramblings if I'm being annoying, haha! Have a fantastic day/night!

hello friend

so, for clarification's sake, i'll answer stuff about fandom history. i just can't stand it when people come to me like "did you see what they're doing? did you hear what they're saying?" no, i didn't fucking see what they're doing, because i don't care what they're doing or saying, and neither should any of you. don't seek them out. leave them alone. don't look for reasons to make yourself mad. if they come to you, block them.

but in this case, like

vigorously rubs face

okay so like

this is actually a really difficult and complicated series of questions, because fandom was just... different back in the day. it didn't function the same way it does now. there was no passive engagement; there was no like button, there was no reblog/retweet option. if you wanted to engage with fandom back in the day, commenting on livejournal or participating on a forum were your only options. you had to TALK TO PEOPLE. yes, even people you disagreed with, yes even people who shipped other things.

and there was no algorithm; there was no curated feed. on livejournal, you joined a community dedicated to resident evil, and you played nice with the other people in it or they banned your ass and you got cut off from a huge portion of the fandom. sure, you might have your ship community on the side, but the general fandom communities always had more people and were often the best place to get news.

so you would have aeons and cleons and valenfields and everyone under the sun sharing this community together. so you literally COULDN'T be obnoxious about your ship, because chances are, that was against the rules.

that didn't mean that tribalism and ship wars and shit didn't happen. of course they happened. but it was just... different. the discourse was more nuanced. people would write essays back and forth at each other.

and it was fueled by the fact that there was a significant period of time in which RE canon could've just as easily gone the way of cleon as it did aeon. there was a push-and-pull there constantly. sure, aeon had the on-screen kiss in RE2, but SD Perry shipped cleon and people were under the impression that she knew what future canon held. but then RE4 happened and "she's like a part of me i can't let go" happened. but then degeneration happened and it was leon and claire, with no ada in sight. and then darkside chronicles happened and aeons were pissed that claire and leon were co-op partners, but then the aeon kiss was in there and cleons got mad about that.

it really could have gone either way.

basically, cleon existed as a hard check on aeon fandom for years and years, back in the day. they had the numbers and the standing in canon to do it, so they did it.

but then damnation happened. and when damnation happened, a huge portion of cleon fandom surrendered. there was no comeback for "canonically leon and ada most likely fucked."

and then when RE6 happened and leon's campaign was framed as the culmination of the aeon love story, whatever cleons that were still hanging onto hope then also laid down their arms. the war was over, and they'd lost.

and when aeon won, they were sore winners. they'd been in this fight for over a decade, and they wanted everyone to know that they came out the victors. especially since their victory was actually kind of precarious. yes, leon and ada likely fucked, and yes they had whatever the fuck was going on with RE6, but... leon and ada still weren't together. the ship was canon... but it also wasn't. and i think they knew just how easily it could be taken away from them again.

so, fast forward to modern day fandom, and i think what we're seeing is the result of an insecure aeon fandom clinging to their victory, which then got amplified in an echo chamber when fandom moved to social media, until they all basically became radicalized.

and there was no cleon fandom there to body check them back to reasonable levels anymore. not to say there were no more cleons; just that cleon fandom had lost their will to fight.

so the aeon fandom of today came into this frenzied WE'RE CANON WE'RE CANON EVERYONE ELSE FUCK OFF WE'RE CANON, not even knowing why the fandom was like that or where it was coming from, and they just parroted their elders, and now it's a cancer spreading through wider RE fandom.

because what didn't happen was: the fever never broke. there never came a point where aeons calmed the fuck down and took a step back and looked more objectively at the canon. and because they were so loud, no one else did, either.

so, to answer your questions:

Do you think they've kinda turned into this entitled part of the fandom because of the OG timeline and Capcom pushing Aeon?

yes.

Orrrr, do you think they've just misunderstood a lot of what happened in the OG events and cling to their own ideas about the characters?

also yes.

the OG timeline came to favor aeon. there's no disputing that. and because of that, people started to make assumptions that aeon was endgame, and they never let go of those assumptions. this has caused them to misinterpret the ending of RE6 and completely miss the fact that leon rejected ada in the end.

aeon fandom doesn't want to believe that aeon was a journey, not a destination.

so they don't.

and no one challenges them anymore. even though cleon fandom still has the numbers to do it, they don't. and even though eagleone has the canonical standing to do it, they won't.

and it's because fandom is just set up differently now. we don't talk to each other anymore. we're not forced to play nice with each other anymore. in fact, we're incentivized by social media to be cunts to each other, because that earns us clout within our own echo chambers.

and it sucks, dude. because you can't have a conversation about the story in good faith anymore without people wringing their hands and going "b-but aeon..."

even though it's abundantly clear that remake is different and aeon is different in it, people are still too afraid to challenge the status quo. so we're left going around in circles with the same fucking shit over and over again, and just

sigh.

that's why i say just ignore them. block them. because the discourse has basically cemented itself in place, and there's no reason to put yourself through the misery of dealing with it.

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veraynes-blog · 2 years ago

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Missy/Twelve for the ask meme? 👀

Ooh okay. Haven't done much content for Twelve/Missy but I really like them as a pairing.

Who’s the cuddler?

They're both really awful at it, honestly. 😬 Twelve ultimately doesn't like to be touched, though I think he makes occasional exceptions when emotional needs can be met through touch. Missy doesn't have the same reservations, but she does have her pride, and he's rejected her often enough that lowering her guard would be difficult.

Who makes the bed?

Missy, when she can be bothered, and when she's decided she's performing femininity today. Sometimes she likes everything to look just so, and that means an elaborate overhaul of their living space.

Who wakes up first?

Missy. I imagine she has a slightly better sleep schedule than Simm, but would still get bored and restless lying down for very long.

Who has the weird taste in music?

I actually think they have pretty similar tastes. We know they both like classical, although Missy seems to lean towards piano music whereas Twelve likes the more powerful stuff. And they both have a weakness for catchy pop still, whether that's Hey Missy or Pretty Woman. Mostly the only disagreements are on whether Twelve's electric guitar cover of Beethoven's 5th constitutes 'music'.

Who is more protective?

Twelve, but in a weird way. He's not Ten, he's not lying to himself. He knows full well the Master is a terrible person, that they've committed atrocities, that they're dangerous to anyone around them. But also he's selfish, and he loves her, and he wouldn't let anyone (beyond himself) truly punish her for those crimes. We literally see it play out in canon, that he'd rather put her in a box to keep her safe and with him, as well as keep her isolated from everyone else.

Who sings in the shower?

Missy, again for the Master's love of music and self-expression.

Who cries during movies?

Missy does the whole performative dabbing of eyes where she thinks normal people would cry. Usually followed by some terribly inappropriate or cutting commentary on why that tragedy was pretty funny, actually.

Who spends the most while out shopping?

Missy. Just because someone decided they were only going to dress in secondhand hoodies and mismatched pants doesn't mean she gave up her standards, thank you very much.

Who kisses more roughly?

Again, I'm conscious of Twelve's aversion, or particular preferences, around touch. Don't get me wrong, I think they have a sexual relationship, but that there's some different physical boundaries in place. I don't think they kiss very much as part of that relationship, or if they do it's the more delicate, careful type of kissing we saw him share with her.

(That said, Missy took her opportunity when they first met, so I guess Missy!)

Who is more dominant?

Okay, in a purely sexual dynamic, of course Missy. Like, give her half an opportunity and she's got a crop in one hand, restraints in the other, and a head full of ideas on how exactly she's going to break his composure.

In their relationship? Twelve. I actually think Missy makes a very purposeful choice to present herself as more submissive in this regeneration, because for whatever reason she believes that will gain the Doctor's approval enough to repair their friendship. (Side note: by 'submissive' I definitely don't mean nice or calm or even non-threatening, just that she's willing to bend to his will.) Twelve, meanwhile, rises to the challenge and fully controls the narrative of their relationship. I don't know if he fully realises how much of that power she handed him, but he's not above using it.

My rating of the ship from 1-10.

"She was my mancrush" out of 10. 💕

#twissy #twelve/missy #doctor/master #doctor who #verayne answers #ask game

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ofengineers · 11 months ago

Text

Mid visited Cid's grave before leaving for Kanver to finish the Enterprise. She just didn't want to go with the others and to be vulnerable in front of them. So have a little drabble about it under the cut.

"Mmh... Hi, Daddy." It's hard to believe this is what remains of their former Hideaway. After Waloed, this place had been Mid's home for a few years before she left for Kanver University. She can not see the Fallen ruins anymore, but she knows they are there. In some ways, it's like Cid. He's not around anymore, but Mid feels him. She always does. And thanks to Clive, Jill and everyone else, his mission is still doing well.

Mid sighs before she lets a soft smile cross her features. "I don't want to go back to Kanver. It's silly, but I prefer to be at the Hideaway. I feel closer to you... I miss you a lot... No matter how stubborn you were. You barmpot." Five years after Cid's death, she still feels a hole inside her chest. Some days, it's easier to deal with that hole, while some others it's still so damn difficult. She lets the tears roll on her cheeks. At least, no one is seeing her in that state.

"But I'm going back for a good reason. I'm gonna finish the Enterprise. With that mythril engine, I know I can. I... I remember only too well when we started working on it. It was... It was supposed to be our project. I wish... I wish you could see it. Travel on it, too." She smiles dreamily through her tears. "It's gonna be the fastest ship, like we have always wanted. In case it has to become humanity's last hope, remember ?" She chuckles a bit. "A ship first and then, an airship. You know I dream big all the time!"

She takes the hammer she brought with her and deposits it on Cid's grave. He gave that one to her so many years ago; it was her first one. She had to replace it, and it's much better at her father's side than anywhere else. She sits and sighs. "Clive is working hard, very hard. I'm so glad he's the one who decided to follow your footsteps. I feel like he's my brother somehow. You're... You're watching over him, right ? And over Jill ? They need it... I don't want to lose anyone else, Daddy."

She pauses for a moment, crying silently as her eyes wouldn't leave Cid's grave. She puts her hands together and brings them to her heart. "My life's a fucking mess. But I think helping my friends is making it better somehow. It's my way to contribute to your mission too..." She then doesn't talk again for a long moment, as time has been frozen.

And then she stands again. "I.. I don't know when I'll be back. But you're always with me anyway." With her hammer on the grave, the others will know she came. It's okay, though. She just didn't want them to see her or to hear her. She starts walking away, but then looks back. "I love you, Daddy. I... I will make you proud. I promise."

#idk i had feelings about these two so i had to write something gdfgf #solo #v: main

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dr-lizortecho · 1 year ago

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I would love to hear more about why delena taught you about love if you ever want to talk about it! I'd also love to hear what you see as Damon and Elena's similarities and differences.

So this is a really difficult thing to explain anon, at the very least without explaining the triad of ships that I attribute the same thing to, so I apologize for rambling about non-delena ships in my answer! And this will probably be tmi like everytime I discuss how shows/ships personally impact(ed) me

One of the first ships I ever became invested in enough to create content for- and start discussing in depth was Malec (The Mortal Instruments Series). To start this off I’d like to give a very short disclaimer- I was thirteen or so and still believed in destiny and fate and singular soulmates (one person literally designed to be with you that you just stumble upon out in the wild) and grew up pretty much under a rock (the only reason those books ever graced my presence was my eldest sister sneaking them to my older sister who snuck them to me) and had no clue that queer people existed at all. So color little me shocked for a solid second and doing math tryna figure out the scene where Clary says that Alec is in love with Jace (I philosophized about souls for five seconds and figured it out). All of this to set up how naively blind I was to the concept of love, to the point where Clary and Jace made perfect sense as true love from the moment she sees him- because my little mind had subscribed to the disneyification of romance without much thought to it as a whole. So being able to watch what seemed to me as obvious connection and therefore love between Alec and Magnus while the former second guessed himself was a new experience for me. Realizing that not only is love something that transcends the obstacles in life- but that it’s messy and complicated. Basically Malec taught me that love is a mess- it’s not always logical and above all it’s not something linear that exists at 0% or 100%. Because sometimes you’re falling in love with and choosing to pursue someone while still moving on from someone else- that feelings don’t just snap away because you’re actively pursuing something better for you.

Then Delena came into my sphere. Which I won’t lie wasn’t my first introduction to ships of their caliber, however, something about the individual characters made it come to life and made something in my brain click into place. Because there’s this big question that keeps floating around Delena in the early seasons which is ‘does Damon deserve love and forgiveness?’ aka Elena. Now the answer to that question appears quite simply- no. Damon doesn’t ask for it, he doesn’t try to change, he doesn’t attempt to earn it. However, Elena chooses to forgive him anyway to show love and kindness and turn the other cheek (okay- sorry for the religion bit, but biblical love anyone???). Which was eye opening and beautiful to watch. Because even with more years on me and more emotional intelligence it had never clicked how much work love could be. That you had to consciously make difficult choices and choose to forgive, to understand that people react to pain in all sorts of ways. So Delena taught me love is messy (lol, if you’re noticing a pattern it’s cause there is one). That people are chaotic and their emotions even more so, that you have to choose love everyday. And above all it’s not just something that exists in the good times, it’s bigger than that. That without that choice- that forgiveness love doesn’t exist and will fail every time.

Now- if you follow me and haven’t seen the show I apologize for the continuous spiraling, but Echo is the third ship that taught me about love. This one is much more complex and difficult to explain (but I kinda did explain it a long time ago in my farewell to the show) but Echo taught me to love my faults and myself, to see we are all worthy of love without tying ourselves into perfect knots. And to spare everyone me talking way too much I’m going to leave it there.

#I’ll make a separate post lter about Damon and Elena’s differences/similarities and post it under the anon tag!#anon asks #the mortal instruments #tvd #roswell new mexico #malec #delena #rnm echo

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cosmicjoke · 1 year ago

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hi 👋

Sorry, you're probably really tired of shipping rants and stuff. But I have noticed a lot of ship wars lately.

I just don't get why it is so hard for people to admit that Levi could be a character without love interest, as Isayama said himself.

I personally think Levi doesn't even get the concept of crush, lol. All that trauma from underground and throughout his life, it's just not that easy for him to love. Underground isn't a place where you see love stories either, it is a hellhole. Levi probably didn't even see what Love is in the underground, a place where there are rap!st and abusers.

He is too focused on humanity and his job to even entertain such thoughts.

He is a very selfless character and cares for all and those toxic eruri shippers trying to twist canon facts to make it appear like Levi only ever cared for Erwin is so very infuriating. Levi is the most selfless, kind and humble character and he has a lot to worry and care for than Erwin.

They really just use Levi as a tool to thier fantasies it's super upsetting.

So Thank you so much for speaking out on that.

I am tired of them, lol. But I'll answer you, because you're obviously really nice and just want to vent.

I don't know what it is either, as I've stated multiple times before, other than to say that a lot of shippers (not all) see Levi as a tool for feeding their romantic fantasies, instead of as an individual character worthy of admiration on his own.

As to your personal theory about Levi and love, I don't know if it's so much that Levi doesn't understand the concept of love. I think he does. Levi is incredibly emotionally intelligent and empathetic. I think he understands human emotion better than anyone.

But I talked recently about how I think, in some ways, Levi is just too selfless for a romantic relationship. Romantic relationships are often built on compromise and equal exchange, two people making concessions for one another, and that's actually a good thing. It's healthy. But Levi has always lived his life for everyone else, to the point that it actually has an element of tragedy to it. He's never asked anyone for anything, or expected anything from anyone, or demanded anything for himself from anyone. You have to have a certain amount of selfishness to seek out a romantic relationship. You're looking for personal fulfillment of some kind, when seeking out love.

Levi's never really sought out personal fulfillment. He dedicates himself to upholding and fighting for the dreams of others. To protecting others. To supporting others. His own needs and personal wants rarely, if ever, factor in to his motivation.

So in that regard, I sometimes have a difficult time seeing Levi in a romantic relationship. He's a caretaker, through and through. He gives to others without ever asking for or expecting anything in return.

And that's okay. I don't know why people have this need to envision him as romantically linked or involved with other characters. Levi doesn't need a love interest in order to be interesting. He's plenty interesting on his own.

#Levi Ackerman

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bookofmirth · 2 years ago

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Personally, I never saw Nesta to be verbally abusive towards Feyre. Mean and difficult 100%, but there was nothing Nesta was giving that Feyre wasn't capable of serving up herself.

As for the post about Nesta feeling the need to deserve love, I agree that love isn't something that needs to be deserved or earned. Though I can understand how the sisters would need to re-establish trust between them after everything that has happened.

My issue with Nesta's healing journey was how one-sided accountability had been. Nesta has some things to answer for 100%. But for every insinuation that Feyre or Elain or others have wronged Nesta, there has never been accountability on their end.

As mentioned in ACOSF, Feyre isn't perfect and has made her own mistakes. And in light of this, I don't think its fair to say that Nesta is abusive or that she alone needs to face reckoning for her actions.

And it doesn't just stop at Feyre and Elain. Does Rhysand get a free pass as well? Amren? Even Cassian?

I dislike Nesta's healing journey mainly because it shows that once a character has been designated as "abusive", everyone else is justified in their treatment towards them. And once "redeemed" those actions are forgiven and never addressed.

I've never had a problem with Nesta realizing that she has hurt others and that change needs to happen. But it was never fair to me that those who have hurt her can avoid owning up to their own part in the problem.

I don't delve into the whole "was Nesta abusive" discourse myself because I think the fandom throws that word around pretty casually without understanding what it means. Mainly in an attempt to discredit ships or characters they don't like, but nonetheless, that word is losing meaning in this space.

I do take issue with the idea that Feyre (or almost anyone else) was equally cruel to Nesta, though. She absolutely was not. Everyone is mean sometimes, yes. But Nesta was intentionally, purposefully cruel and came up with insults that she knew would touch on insecurities. They are not the same.

*This post is not anti Nesta, I enjoy her character for her complexity and I feel like I have a good understanding of who she is, especially after rereading acosf. However, I do not and never will excuse her behavior or try to act like it was something different than it was, just so I can show why Nesta would win the "Who Was More Right" war. If I had to choose a side, it wouldn't be hers, but then again I'm not in the business of choosing sides. Also anon, a lot of my response here are not to you directly, but about how I see people talking about Nesta in the fandom, and these thoughts have been in my head for a while now.

I've been having these thoughts about intentions for a while because that's the biggest difference in how I see Nesta's behavior, and how I see other characters'. It was rare that people (if they weren't supposed to be villains or evil) said or did anything with the intention of hurting Nesta. It was very, very common for her to say or do things with the intention of hurting them, though.

I just cannot stress this enough. Nesta INTENTIONALLY was cruel to people. Nesta INTENTIONALLY hurt people. There are so, so many examples of Nesta being intentionally cruel to people that I can't even list them all. She wasn't just mean. She wasn't just rude. She looked for people's weaknesses and used those weaknesses against them, often for no good reason.

You can come up with every reason and excuse in the world for Nesta to have acted the way she did, and none of it will be good enough for me because personally, no amount of reasons for someone's behavior would make me okay with that person treating someone else like shit. We can't control our feelings, and those emotions are valid, but that's not the same thing as our behavior.

Saying that Nesta needed to atone for her actions is a statement about Nesta. It's not a statement about anyone else, so saying "Nesta needs to atone" and then someone saying "well what about this other character", well that's a lovely red herring you picked up at the market but your statement about character B does nothing to discredit the fact that yes, Nesta needed to atone. She still does, because she and Elain haven't worked out anything between the two of them yet. TBH I think that Nesta still has work to do because a few actions don't make up for a lifetime of cruelty. In the post you responded to, I said that I think there is still ground to be made in terms of people trusting Nesta because they have had their support and their love thrown back in their faces over and over for years. You don't just get over that.

Part of owning up to her actions is realizing that her feelings do NOT excuse the way that she was treating people. IMO, saying "well other people were mean to Nesta too" is completely beside the point. Her healing was about her emotions, her actions, her consistent pattern of behavior for YEARS. It wasn't about other people. Her relationships with other people is certainly part of it, but not because there was equal culpability. There absolutely was not because other people did not set out to wound Nesta in the way that she intended to wound them. And it would be counterproductive to Nesta's healing if she were to point fingers (or even if the narrative were to), rather than look inwards at herself. Nesta needed to look inward to better understand why she behaved the way she did, because her actions were symptoms of deeper hurt - they were not (always) the result of what other people did to her. I think that's my main point. Nesta's healing is about Nesta in ways that other characters' healing arcs have not been. She has had some bad shit happen to her, yes. And she reacted in ways that were not only self-destructive, but detrimental to her relationships, too. No amount of "well what about when Feyre said this thing that one time" negates those facts.

#not even going to tag this #stay back satan fandom #I feel more comfortable talking about how much I dislike e*riel #than I do talking about Nesta at this point #ask #anon #I'll delete rude asks #don't even try

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silvfyre-writings · 1 year ago

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I don't want to worry you (BSD Fanfic)

I think bramran is a fitting way to end the year, don't you?

I do believe that this will be my last fic of 2023 unless I can finish the other one that I'm working on, but uhhhhh, I don't think I will, so yeah, here we are!

I am so in love with this ship, and playing around with their dynamic is fun, and something I'm enjoying a lot!! And this was my first time writing from Bram's POV, so I think I did okay.

So without further ado, I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! Leave a kudos or a comment or both as well!!!!

Bram stares at his phone with such an intense look that it’s a surprise that the device doesn’t catch on fire. He knows that staring at it won’t do anything, that it won’t make a new message appear on the screen no matter how desperately he wishes for it. He eyes the read nine days ago tag attached to the last message he’d sent, and tries not to worry. After all, his lover works hard at his job, and often forgets to reply when he gets focused, and normally Bram wouldn’t worry, but normally, Ranpo doesn’t send him one worded answers, or brush him off when he tries to organise a date, but recently, that’s what he’s been doing, and as such, Bram worries.

There are few things that he actually does worry about, mostly because it takes a lot to make him worry in the first place, but his lovers wellbeing is one thing that makes him worry a lot, hence why he’s been staring at his phone all day in the hopes of getting a response to the last message he sent: Ranpo, are you okay?

Bram tries not to worry, telling himself that Ranpo is fine, and that he’ll simply message him when he gets time; he remembers Ranpo telling him about a big case that’d come through, and that it was all hands on deck—even his. But it’s been nine days, and no matter how difficult a case is, Ranpo has never needed more than three to solve one. And sure, Bram could reach out to Ranpo’s friends and co-workers, but he doesn’t want to distract them from their work, doesn’t want to make them worry either since they already worry enough about their head detective.

He sighs, and checks his messages again, even though he knows that no new ones have come through, and his gut churns as he, once again, focuses on that nine day old tag, because it’s not normal, and although nothing about him and Ranpo is normal to begin with, their communication is the most normal thing about them, which is why Bram knows that something is up, and that perhaps, he shouldn’t wait any longer this time, that maybe he should be the one to take initiative this time.

It’s decided. He’ll go to the Agency and check to see if Ranpo is there, and if he isn’t, then he’ll stop by Ranpo’s home and check there.

Bram stands up, swipes his phone off the counter and strides over to the coatrack he’d been gifted by… someone—Dazai he thinks, but to be honest he isn’t sure, since it just turned up in his apartment one day without his knowledge—and pulls his coat off of it, and then tugs it on. Once he makes sure he has his keys, he leaves his apartment behind and sets off down the street. He has a vague idea of how to get to the Agency without using his phone as a navigation aid, no thanks to said Agency making him study the maps of Yokohama since he made the decision to stay.

A decision he was still adjusting to, but so far, hadn’t regretted it.

The walk to the Agency is peaceful, and gives Bram a chance to think over what he plans to do. His main goal of course, is to find out where Ranpo is and why he’s been ghosting him this entire time, but he also wants to do so in a way that doesn’t worry anyone else. Because if there’s one thing that Bram’s learnt since meeting Ranpo, it’s that the genius detective doesn’t like being fussed over, no matter what. Ranpo could be bleeding out, or suffering from some kind of plague, yet he would still insist that he’s fine—thankfully, his fellow detectives were on top of things, and did their best to stop Ranpo brushing them off, but sometimes, he did manage to fool them.

Before he knows it, he’s at the Agency, and climbing the stairs, only to run into the Agency’s doctor halfway up. Bram stops and stares at her, eyes widening just a little, and Yosano’s mouth drops open a little bit at the sight of him. “Bram, what brings you here? Is Ranpo alright?”

Yosano’s words cause Bram’s own question to die before he can even voice it, and he frowns, because why is she asking him about Ranpo? Ranpo’s been at work, hasn’t he? Bram thinks, and then elects to just speak the truth. “I haven’t seen Ranpo in two weeks, and I haven’t heard from him in nine days. He told me he had a case, so I assumed he would be here, working.”

Now it’s Yosano’s turn to frown, and she shakes her head slowly. “No… Ranpo called out sick a couple of weeks ago, said he’d be back once he felt better. We simply assumed he was staying with you while he got better.”

So Ranpo had lied to both Bram and his co-workers… but why? Were they in danger from a new threat, and Ranpo was trying to protect them? Was there something going on with Ranpo that he didn’t want those closest to him to know about? There were so many possibilities, and Bram couldn’t stop running through them in his head, trying to figure out which one is the most plausible. But not one possibility calls to him, which makes him think he’s wrong, but the churning in his gut makes him think he’s also on the right track.

“Is… there someone closer to Ranpo than either of us?” Bram asks after a moment of silence. He knows that Ranpo has people closer to him than just Bram—he knows that Yosano is one of them, and that the president of the Agency is another, but other than that, he has no clue. He in Ranpo are still in the ‘learning about each other’ stage of their relationship after all, it makes sense for him to not know everything yet.

“Well, there’s Fukuzawa—he’s known Ranpo since he was young after all.” Yosano brings a hand up to scratch at her chin in, deep in thought. “And well, me and the rest of the Agency, but we already established that that’s not helpful… maybe Poe? He’s a friend of Ranpo’s, and I know that Ranpo sometimes visits him.”

Bram nods, and files away the information for later. He feels like he’s been told this before, since the names feel familiar, and then a bit of guilt wells up inside him that he should already know this, but he squashes it down and blames it on the worry he’s feeling. “Would it be possible to speak to Fukuzawa?”

“Sure, he’s in his office. First door once you get up the stairs.” Yosano points behind her and then steps past him, calling over her shoulder. “Good luck, Bram!”

Her abrupt departure leaves Bram alone on the stairs, and he watches after the doctor until she disappears from sight, just blinking from how short and simple the conversation was. Usually conversations with any of the Agency members took several minutes—sometimes hours if stuck with certain members—and not… a minute. But no matter, the conversation had given him a starting point, and that was what mattered, so he turned on his heel and made his way up the stairs, spotting the office he was supposed to enter the moment he got to the top.

Bram paused outside the door, wondering for a moment if he was being too forward, and that he’s bothering someone who is busy just because he’s just a little worried, but once again, he squashes that feeling down, knocking on the door.

The door swings open after a few seconds, and reveals the man at the head of the Agency—and a man that Bram realises is familiar, and that he’s met before at a recent dinner that Ranpo had dragged him to; some kind of family dinner that Bram vaguely recalled as also serving as an introduction between him and one Fukuzawa Yukichi.

Fukuzawa is shorter than Bram, so he has to look down to meet the older mans eyes, and for minutes, the two stare at each other, with no words being spoken.

Bram is the one to break the silence, giving a polite bow as he’d been taught was custom. “I do not mean to disturb you, Fukuzawa, but I have come to ask you of something.”

“You wish to know of Ranpo’s whereabouts.” It’s not a question, but a statement, and Bram blinks, surprised that Fukuzawa is aware of what he’s after—which means the man also has the answer he’s seeking.

“I am. I haven’t heard from him in several days, and I am growing worried.”

Fukuzawa hums, his eyes closing as he thinks.

Bram simply waits patiently while he does.

After a while, Fukuzawa opens his eyes again. “He’s currently staying with me. He’s been… unwell lately, so I’m keeping an eye on him.”

“But you are here.” Bram says.

Fukuzawa nods. “Ranpo insisted I still come to work because he did not wish to worry anyone. I was about to leave to go and check on him, but I won’t begrudge you from going in my place if you would like to soothe your worry.”

“That would be much appreciated, thank you.”

Fukuzawa gives another nod before reaching into his sleeve to pull out a key and his phone. He holds out the key towards Bram, and taps away at his phone. “This is the key to my apartment, and I will text you the address—Ranpo gave me your number after dinner.”

Bram nods, and pulls his own phone out of his pocket once the message tone goes off. “Thank you. I will do my best.”

“I know you will, Bram.” Fukuzawa gives him a soft smile, one that makes Bram feel warm inside. “You care for Ranpo deeply, and that is something I appreciate.”

Bram didn’t know what he was expecting when he steps into Fukuzawa’s apartment, but total silence isn’t it. Fukuzawa had said that Ranpo was unwell, and Bram distinctly remembers the last time that Ranpo was sick; he’d laid on the couch, filled with complaints and glasses of juice, watching whatever was on the television at the time. And yet, here, there is no Ranpo in sight, no mess to even indicate that he’s even here in the first place. But he has to be, because that is what the Agency president had said, so Ranpo simply must be elsewhere in the apartment.

With that in mind, Bram steps further into the apartment, barely remembering to pull of his boots in time, and looks around. The apartment is neat and tidy, freshly cleaned from the looks of it, although there is a bottle of water, and a couple of what looks to be medicinal pills next to it. Underneath the bottle is a note that must’ve been written by Fukuzawa before he’d left that morning:

Take your medication please, Ranpo. You know it helps. I’ll be by to check on you at lunch.

- Fukuzawa

Bram studies the note, and then eyes off the water and medication, before grabbing both and continuing on his search for Ranpo.

It doesn’t take long to figure out where Ranpo is, since there are only two other rooms in the apartment, and only one of the doors is closed, which means that the younger detective must be there. First, Bram knocks on the door, but when he doesn’t get a response, he quietly opens it and steps into the darkened room, closing the door behind him with a click.

It takes a moment for Bram’s eyes to adjust to the darkness—not total darkness, because even though the curtains are drawn, there’s a light plugged into the wall, providing a glow that allows some visibility—but once they do, his attention is drawn immediately to the lump in the bed, currently drowning in blankets. Bram steps closer to the lump, making sure that he can be heard so as not to spook Ranpo when he sits on the edge of the bed. “Ranpo?”

The lump under the blanket jerks, and then shifts before a head slowly appears with tangled hair, and eyebags so heavy that it makes Ranpo look like someone has punched him in the face. Even his eyes, which are normally so green and bright, and full of life, look nothing more than decaying herbs as they seem to stare right through Bram, unblinking, until Ranpo lets out a sigh and drags the blankets back over his head. “Go away…”

Ranpo’s reaction stumps Bram, who has never seen his lover as anything other than cheerful and energetic, so he’s not entirely sure what he’s meant to do here.

But then Bram remembers Fukuzawa’s faith in him, and his determination returns full force—he needs to do good; he needs to be helpful; he needs to take care of Ranpo.

“I will not.” Bram says, reaching over to tug the blankets down until Ranpo’s face is visible again. “It’s been nine days since I last heard from you, so I got worried, and it seems like I was right to worry in the first place.”

Ranpo grunts, refusing to look his way again. “How did you even get in? Fukuzawa isn’t home.”

“I went to the Agency to see if you were there, because you told me you had a case.” Bram said, watching Ranpo’s head turn the tiniest bit to look at him. “I ran into Yosano, who directed me to Fukuzawa, who told me you were unwell, and then he gave me a key.”

“Of course he did.” Ranpo sighs, eyes disappearing from view again. “Well, you’ve seen me, so you can go now.”

“No, because something is wrong and I want to help.” Bram says and places the water on the bedside table next to an empty cup, and grabs the medicine from his pocket. He taps Ranpo on the shoulder, until Ranpo groans and just rolls over to face him. “These were on the kitchen bench when I got here, you should probably take them.”

Ranpo eyes the pills, and Bram turns to grab the water, holding both out to his lover. He watches the younger’s eyes flit from his hands to his face, a variety of emotions crossing it before resignation settles there, and he pushes himself onto his elbow to take them from Bram’s hands. Ranpo throws the medicine into his mouth, and swallows the pills with a mouthful of water; then the water is being pressed into Bram’s hands again, and Ranpo turns back to face the wall.

A silence falls between them, Bram using that moment to study Ranpo carefully. Aside from the bags under his eyes, and a pale complexion, there isn’t really anything that says Ranpo is sick; he’s not coughing and his skin is free of fever-sweat. Which leads him to think that whatever’s going on, it’s something else and being sick is just the coverup excuse. Injured? No, I’d smell blood if he was wounded. Maybe the illness is something else…?

In the end, Bram just decides to ask. “What’s wrong with you?”

Silence, and then a huff that could have been a laugh. “That’s a bit of a blunt question.”

“You told me you preferred me being blunt.” Bram shrugs.

Ranpo hums, but doesn’t say anything more, not even to answer Bram’s question, which he thinks means that he can continue with his observations.

“You do not seem to be sick in the way that you were the last time you were sick—”

“That’s because it’s not your usual sickness.” Ranpo interrupts, and then curls up into a tiny ball. “’m just a little bit sad, that’s all you need to know.”

“Ah, I understand.” And Bram did understand. After all, one doesn’t exactly handle just being a head and a body for so many years by being happy, and even before that, when the people of his homeland turned against him and called him a monster, no matter how many times he tried to tell them that he wasn’t the one responsible for their people dying, one wasn’t exactly happy about that, especially when it ended in your near death. And those were just the ones with reason; there’d also been times where, seemingly for no reason, he’d felt less inclined to getting out of bed that day.

So he did understand.

And it tugs at his heart that someone important to him is going through such a thing.

Bram stands from the bed, and in no more than a few seconds, he’s pulling all the blankets off of Ranpo and lifting him from the bed.

“Wha—hey! Put me down!” Despite his protests, Ranpo doesn’t try to fight him.

“No.” Bram says, adjusting his grip on Ranpo so he can carry Ranpo easier. The moment he does, arms come to wrap around his shoulders, and Ranpo hides his face into the crook of Bram’s neck.

“Please put me down.”

“No. You are suffering from… I think they call it depression now, so I will do what I can to help you deal with it easier, and that means taking care of your physical needs so you can fight the demons in your mind.”

Ranpo sighs and tightens his hold, but he doesn’t say anything as Bram carries him from the room, which is fine with him, since he would much rather Ranpo not fight him as he tries to help.

It’s silent between the two of them as Bram carries Ranpo into the bathroom—not after struggling to find it in the first place—and seats him on the edge of the toilet seat so that he can get the shower ready. Ranpo’s head droops where he sits, his hair hiding his face from view as the rest of his body trembles; it looks like it’s taking all the energy that Ranpo has left to stay upright, and it tugs at Bram. He steps away long enough to turn the shower on before returning to kneel in front of Ranpo, raising a hand to cup his lovers cheek, running a thumb over Ranpo’s cheek.

Ranpo’s eyes flit to him.

“You don’t need to do anything, alright?” Bram reassures, leaning up to press their foreheads together. “Just let me take care of you, and I’ll do the rest.”

For a moment, Ranpo stares at him, and then drops his head to rest on Bram’s shoulder. “… okay.”

Bram nods, pleased with Ranpo’s answer, and sets about doing as he said he would; helping. He pulls away slowly, and stands, gripping Ranpo’s arms with his own and guiding his lover to his feet. He continues to hold Ranpo up with one arm, and with the other, he unbuttons Ranpo’s shirt, and tugs it off the others body. Next come the pants, and it’s the only time Bram asks Ranpo to help, continuing to hold his love upright as he shrugs off his pants and the underwear underneath, and then, it’s time for the shower.

He doesn’t hesitate to step under the spray, ignoring how his clothes become soaked in an instant and stick to his skin because it’s not important. It’s much more important for him to take care of Ranpo right now, since his love has been struggling to take care of himself if the state of him is anything to go by. It makes Bram wonder what exactly Fukuzawa has been doing to try and help the situation, but he tries not to judge—in situations such as these where the person important to you is suffering, you simply do the best that you can, and sometimes that means taking each day as it comes. Depression is ugly at times, he knows this from experience, which is why he’s determined to try and help. Bram doesn’t expect to magically fix how Ranpo is feeling right now, but he hopes to make him feel a little better at least.

With that in mind, Bram guides Ranpo to sit on the floor of the shower, following him down to kneel behind him. He reaches behind him, grabbing blindly for the shampoo until his hands knock into the bottle and that of the conditioner beside it. It only takes him a second to decide on grabbing both, and brings them into his view; he elects to just squirt the shampoo straight onto Ranpo’s head, and begins to drag his nails through tangled black hair, taking care to get the tangles out in a way that won’t cause Ranpo any pain.

Ranpo lets out a sigh, and shifts to rest his head on his knees, eyes closed as he gives in to Bram’s ministrations. It’s hard to see his expression from here, but Bram imagines it to be a little content, but emotionless all the same.

“Tilt your head back.” Bram says once he’s finished, and places a hand on Ranpo’s forehead to encourage him into following his words. Then, he rinses out the shampoo and starts the process over again the conditioner.

Once that’s done, Bram stands and turns the water off before guiding Ranpo up again and helping him out of the shower. And like before, it’s done in silence, and Bram doesn’t break that silence as he grabs a towel and drapes it over Ranpo’s head. He starts to dry it, only to have Ranpo’s hands come up to grasp at his own.

“I can do this…” Ranpo says, looking up into Bram’s eyes. “You go get changed. Fukuzawa has spare yukata’s; he won’t mind if you borrow one.”

“You are sure?”

Ranpo nods.

“Alright.” Bram leaves Ranpo to finish off, going to hunt down a yukata and get out of his wet clothes. In hindsight, getting into the shower without getting undressed first was a poor decision, but Bram hadn’t exactly been thinking when he’d done it. But what’s done is done, and now all that’s left to do is get Ranpo fed, a task that seems simple enough considering how much the detective likes to eat on a daily basis, even if it is mostly sweets.

But that was when Ranpo was feeling good.

Because right now, Ranpo is refusing to eat anything that Bram offers him.

“Why not just some toast?” Bram suggests after having yet another meal shot down, now dressed in a fresh yukata that’s a tad too short for him, and he’s pulled his damp hair into a bun.

Ranpo pulls a face and shakes his head. “I’m not hungry…”

Bram hums, worried, because he’s pretty sure that Ranpo hasn’t eaten anything in recent days—it doesn’t take a genius to see that his love has lost weight since he last saw him—and while he’s resigned himself to not getting Ranpo to eat an actual meal when he feels as terrible as he does, he refuses to let Ranpo eat nothing. “What does Fukuzawa usually do when you aren’t hungry?”

The expression on Ranpo’s face tightens even more before it just disappears entirely and is replaced with defeat. Ranpo stretches out across the table. “He usually cuts up an apple… or any kind of fruit, really…”

“Apple it is then.” Bram moves towards the fridge, quickly finding the apples, and from there it only takes him a couple of minutes to slice it up and put it on a plate. He slides into the seat next to Ranpo and picks up one of the slices and holds it out. “Can I ask a question?”

“Yeah.” Ranpo shrugs, and after eyeing the slice of apple carefully, takes it and nibbles on it.

“You could have stayed with me if you were feeling like this, I would not have judged you, so why did you not tell me?”

For a while, Ranpo is silent, and Bram thinks that he’s not going to get an answer, but then Ranpo shrugs and begins to speak. “I don’t know. Didn’t want to burden you or worry you, I guess, so I just lied and hid.” Ranpo gives an empty laugh. “But I failed anyways.”

“I care about you.” Bram argues gently, choosing to be soft instead of blunt for a change. “So of course I was bound to worry when you stopped talking to me.”

Ranpo hums, and picks up another apple slice. “You don’t need to worry, I’ll be fine. I’m safe here.”

Bram understands the implication of the words without having to question them, and it makes sense why Ranpo chose to come to Fukuzawa rather than himself. Fukuzawa has known Ranpo for years after all, has probably seen this side of Ranpo many times over and knows exactly how to handle it, unlike Bram who is witnessing this side of the person he’s chosen to love, for the first time. And while he trusts Ranpo’s words when he says that he will be fine, Bram also wished that Ranpo would accept help just a little bit more; it might make these days more bearable.

“I understand that you come to Fukuzawa because he is familiar, and understands you best,” Bram begins to say, reaching over to draw Ranpo into a one-armed embrace, pressing his lips to Ranpo’s crown, “but I ask that the next time you feel this way, that you let me know. I want to help you when you cannot help yourself.”

Ranpo flushes, and turns to bury his face into Bram’s chest, hands coming up to clutch at the yukata he’s wearing. He makes a noise like he wants to say something, but then falls silent.

Bram doesn’t hesitate to wrap his other arm around Ranpo and draw him closer. “You don’t need to answer. I don’t expect one. Taking in what I say is enough.”

“… thank you.”

When Fukuzawa steps into the apartment late in the evening, he certainly didn’t expect it to be silent—well, he did, because his apartment’s been silent for the past two weeks—but somehow, the silence seems different this time, and he’s almost certain it’s because of Bram. He’s not sure what Ranpo’s boyfriend… partner… lover—he’s not entirely sure what the two have labelled themselves with if he’s being honest—has done since he sent him over, but he knows that something occurred here.

If not for the apple scraps on the bench, and the fact that Ranpo’s meds are gone from where he’d left them on his way out of the apartment that morning, then it would be the sheets that Fukuzawa had been trying to change for days, hanging on a rack, freshly washed along with two towels, that gave it away.

Quietly, he makes a beeline for Ranpo’s room, since neither he nor Bram are within his sights, and he’s rewarded when he opens the door and sees the two of them crammed into Ranpo’s too small bed, asleep. Fukuzawa’s lips twitch into a smile as he observes the way that Ranpo is curled against Bram’s chest whilst Bram holds him protectively; Ranpo’s head is tucked underneath Bram’s chin, and Fukuzawa can see from his spot that Ranpo’s hair has been washed, and he gives Bram a silent thanks.

Getting Ranpo into the shower when he was in the midst of a depressive episode was a battle that Fukuzawa seldom won, so he’s grateful that Bram’s somehow achieved that.

A noise from Ranpo catches his attention, and it sounds like he’s about to wake up, but then Bram’s arm moves to run up and down his back in a soothing manner, as if he’s had to do this before, and Ranpo falls silent, face softening back into sleep. Bram’s hand slows until it stops, but not before he tightens his grip on Ranpo.

Fukuzawa’s smile widens a little, and he carefully shuts the door as he leaves the two to sleep.

Love doesn’t cure all, but it can certainly help ease one’s pain, and that is what Fukuzawa clings to as he goes to make himself some tea.

Tea for three.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd fanfic #hurt/comfort #light angst #comfort #bramran #bram stoker #edogawa ranpo #writing #fanfic #depression

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