#it didn't put that in when i made the post but then again i'm on mobile rip
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Bet III
p.1 here & p.2 here
summary: the game is on, but in-ho can't focus on it. he's got you on his mind pairing: hwang in-ho/the front man x civilian!reader warnings & content: age gap, afab!reader, slightly detailed descriptions of reader’s background for plot purposes, red text for in-ho, purple for reader, pre 33rd squid game, canon divergent, mentions of domestic violence, veeeery slow burn, reader is an orphan, slight voyeurism, people dying ayy yo (but if you watched squid game, this is just normal) w/c: 2.2k
a/n: if you would like to be tagged for the next part, please check this post! thank you for reading! also feel free to replace y/n's age, i just needed to put a number there lol
In-ho removed the intricately designed mask from his face and poured himself a glass of whisky, one leg crossed over the other as he sat on the leather sofa of the control room. The first game was about to begin soon — always Red Light, Green Light — and he waited for his favourite song to start — always Fly Me To The Moon. There was something so hauntingly beautiful about listening to a love song while people lost all hope, one by one falling to the ground.
It was a fantastic way to get rid of the weakest links, leaving only those resilient alive. Player 101, eliminated. Player 82, eliminated. Player 329, eliminated. Player 2, eliminated. They dropped like flies, frantically clawing at the gates in a futile attempt to escape while the soldiers shot them from above, painting the ground crimson.
Exhilarating was the only word that could describe what In-ho felt in that moment, and nothing compared to it. When happiness died along with his wife, control was the only thing that fulfilled him. He controlled who died and who lived, but he was also being fair — if participants played by the rules, they survived. It couldn’t get any simpler than that.
Obviously, they didn't have a choice, and In-ho knew that well enough. No, players only had the illusion of choice, but that mirage was what kept them in the game. Besides, they chose to come to the island. They chose to gamble their lives. They chose to be greedy. If anything, the games taught them, albeit for a short time, that actions had consequences, and In-ho was their judge, jury and executioner. It was truly thrilling. Exciting. Exhilarating.
His phone lit up with a notification from the security cameras concealed in his house. Irked by the sudden disturbance, he opened the app to check the footage. You weren't supposed to be there at that time, because you had already been at his house in the morning. In-ho watched you lock the door behind you, thinking today was the day you stole from him and proved him right. He scoffed, hoping you would last longer than one day, but to his surprise, you sat on the kitchen floor, knees to your chest, crying.
He couldn't send you a text — it would have made it obvious that he knew you were there, and his eyes lingered on his phone, forgetting about the game in front of him for a moment. In-ho watched you take out your phone and type, and not a minute later he received a text.
Good morning again! I had a bit of free time after my second job today and came to check on Eunjoo. I'll be leaving in an hour for my other job and I'm not charging for the extra visit.
In-ho stared at the big screen, completely dumbfounded and ignorant to the people dying right before his eyes. How were you working that many jobs? That was, if you were even telling the truth. But he would find out soon, because he left a stack of 2 million won on his nightstand, eagerly waiting for you to take it. You had to take it. You had to be the same as everyone else.
That's absolutely fine. If you don't mind me asking, how many jobs are you working?
He swapped back to the security cameras and watched you wipe the tears off your face with the back of your hand, smiling at his text. Did he say something funny? Why on Earth would you be smiling when a minute ago you had tears rolling down your cheeks?
Officially two, unofficially three. I teach Korean to a family of immigrants, but that's unpaid. I think of it as volunteering. They do feed me, though! My other job is a mascot at Lotte World.
In-ho shattered the empty glass in his hand while reading your text, and winced when he felt blood seeping from a fresh cut. Why, just why did you have to prove him wrong? He watched you go into his bedroom with a pile of freshly clean and dried shirts, ignoring the money. You saw the stack, he noticed you staring at it, hoping you grabbed it, but you found his ironing board and began to iron his shirts, not sparing the money another glance.
Why?
Through the camera, he saw you text back.
Why what?
"Tsk." In-ho scoffed at your question while wrapping a bandage around his palm.
Why are you working that many jobs?
Ah. My uncle has debts. Unfortunately, I had to drop out from uni to help him pay for them. It's fine though, I like what I'm doing.
How old are you?
23.
Jesus Christ, you were so young, yet life had been unfair to you. You deserved an education, a better life, and it cemented his ideal that the world needed to rid itself of the trash. He didn't know the full details, but he was sure to find out. You were unlike anyone he's met before. At least for now, at least until you proved him right.
Ding!
In-ho opened a picture from you — Eunjoo curling up on the left side of his bed, paws under her, looking like a loaf of bread, and the question 'Is that your side of the bed?' under it.
Indeed it is.
I knew it! Aww, she misses you :(
How strange it was to read those words. How strange it was to think about someone, or something missing him. To In-ho that was a foreign feeling, and he loosened his tie, swallowing the lump in his throat. He'd seen Eunjoo sleep on his side of the bed before, when he was gone, but he assumed it was just comfortable for her.
Animals truly were better than humans. If they betrayed their owners, they did it out of necessity. When humans betrayed, it was by choice.
In-ho watched you neatly adjust his ironed shirt on a coat hanger that you hung in his wardrobe, disregarding the Red Light, Green Light game that had long finished, and it hit him like a train that you reminded him of his wife. God, you were so much like his wife it infuriated him, because no one was allowed to take that place in his heart. No one was allowed to make him feel anything other than hatred.
You had to make a mistake, to prove to him that you were just like everybody else, and if money didn't make you crack, something else would. In-ho made it his purpose to unravel your darkest secrets, whether through manipulation or sheer force, but the distance between the two of you proved a greater obstacle than he thought.
He watched you finish ironing his clothes, watched you refill Eunjoo's water bowl, watched you comb your hair and put lip balm on while staring into his mirror, and it felt so wrong to study all your quirks and habits without you even knowing. It was the closest thing to having a normal life. But nothing about what he was doing was normal. Especially not watching you be so oblivious to his true self.
With a sigh, In-ho adjusted his mask left the control room to instruct his subordinates, the square-masked guards, to prepare for the next game, Neolttwigi, the soldiers to take the remaining players back to their beds, and the workers to remove the corpses. 188 players survived and more than 50% were eliminated. In-ho, in his Front Man persona, should've focused on the games, but he couldn't, for some unknown reason, shake off the image of you crying on his kitchen floor. He didn’t dare ask what happened. How could he? It would destroy all the secrecy.
It wasn't that he cared about you — he didn't. You appeared to be a positive, cheerful and talkative person, so whatever hurt your feelings must have been important. Was it your uncle? Your boyfriend? He scoffed at that thought. The mere idea of some guy breaking your heart made him irrationally angry, and In-ho was lucky that his mask concealed his frustration.
He decided to pay the remaining players a visit, accompanied by eight armed guards, and, just like last year, and the year before, and the year before that, there was always a woman who dropped to her knees, begging to be spared and allowed to go home. Another one followed, and even men asked for forgiveness, but they just couldn't get it through their thick skulls that they chose to be there. They chose to gamble their lives away, they chose to borrow money and end up with debts they could never afford to repay. No one forced them to play the games.
When the room was filled with echoing cries and hysterical sobs, In-ho fired a single shot in the air, shutting everyone up. They all looked at him with fear in their eyes like pigs in a slaughterhouse waiting to be gutted, and he lowered the gun, standing firm on his feet.
"You must be mistaken. You are not here to be punished, you are all here because of the choices you made." In-ho simply said, his voice distorted by the mask.
He took notice of teams already being formed, of those who were willing to step on corpses just to get the big prize and those who would rather sacrifice themselves, because there were always people who wanted to play the hero. He studied them all before they got recruited, and knew 456 secrets, 456 names, 456 lives. Well, only 188 survived.
"We came here to win money, not to fucking die!" Player 072 shouted from the back of the room. "And if I'm correct, we can vote to go back home."
Ah, yet another one who thought they could outsmart In-ho. He's been there before. He walked that path before, and it taught him that people don't change. Ever. Even if they voted to leave, they always came back.
"Of course, clause three of the consent form. If the majority decides to go home, you are free to do so. We don't hold anyone against their will." In-ho nodded. "But before you make your choice, allow me to tell you the current accumulated prize."
He pressed a button on a small, black remote and a large glass piggy bank was lowered from the ceiling as the lights in the room dimmed down. Stacks upon stacks of money piled up in the piggy bank, and the screen counted the current prize — 26.8 billion won. In-ho watched how their faces lit up at the amount of money accumulated, but also how the penny dropped for most of them — the more people died, the more money the survivors got.
"If you choose to leave, the money will be distributed amongst the deceased players' families. It’s only fair." He said, and left the room so that the soldiers could prepare for the democratic vote.
"You're manipulating us!" In-ho heard a player shout, and maybe he did. Maybe he was chipping away at their humanity to bring out the worst in them, but it was for the best. At least by dying they served a purpose.
It was no surprise that the majority voted to stay, 95 to 93. Good — he didn't have to go through the trouble of sending them home. The soldiers and workers brought food for the players, and In-ho checked his phone in the safety of his room. There was no text from you, and it was almost time for you to check on Eunjoo, but when it hit 9 and you weren't in his house, he felt a knot in his stomach, an uneasy feeling. Was he worried? Of course he was, for his cat, not for you.
Ding!
The sound of his phone caught him off guard, almost startling him, almost making him feel relieved when he saw it was you, and In-ho read the text.
Evening! Traffic was baaad this evening but I'm nearly at the penthouse. Will Eunjoo ever forgive me? :(
The stupid sad face you sent made the image of you pouting pop up in his head and he wondered why. There wasn't a good enough reason for you to be haunting him like a phantom. You were a nobody to him.
Eunjoo might, but I won't.
In-ho immediately regretted pressing send. It was unprofessional and stupid of him to text such a reply, because you weren't friends. He had no friends.
I'm so sorry, but I promise I'll make it up to you, Mr. Hwang! I really need to get you a gift for letting me use your shower anyway.
A relieved sigh escaped his lips when you didn't take his message the wrong way, but part of him was hoping you would try to flirt with him, seduce him, do anything to prove him right. And yet again, you remained true to yourself.
He watched you on the cameras again, how you invaded his home, his life, how you fed Eunjoo and munched on prawn crackers again, disappointed that you, for the second day in a row, refused to use anything in his house for yourself except for the shower and the TV.
There was still time to win the bet, and he never lost.
tagging: @ri1liane @anmert1 @syraxnyra @frshluvcats @lanyia @mettreads @nightdark-dreamdark @bridge-always @lovekm @audrey223 @ririgy @starkeyszn @hobiesbrownsgf @thoughtfulbelieverstrawberry @maria-trisha @akiqvq @10hrs26mn @tenzko @okaycharr @politicstanner @moonxknightx @googie-jeon @swthrtbyeol @mariiestfu @ratsnestinmyhair @missroro @talia-the-gemini @fortluocha @true-queen-of-mischief @ssa-callahan @bibliophile-yomna @wwastro @heartsforseo @marymun @glads-stuff @starryeddie @kisses2kanao @gagaga167 @l4venderia @scryi @lelisae @twicelover2 @ashtrosstuff @cruel-affair @cdej6 @veragrhm
please keep in mind that if i didn't tag you it's because i either missed it, or i couldn't find your age on your blog. there will be smut.
#squid game#hwang inho#hwang inho x reader#hwang inho x you#hwang inho x y/n#hwang in ho#hwang in ho x reader#hwang in ho x you#hwang in ho x y/n#hwang in-ho#the frontman#the frontman x reader#the frontman x you#the frontman x y/n#the front man#the front man x reader#the front man x you#the front man x y/n#squid game x reader#squid game x you#squid game x y/n#squid game 2#squid game season 2#afab reader
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It's Nothing
Sylus x AFAB!Reader
Inspired by my late as fuck period and joking with my friend that I was the next virgin mary. Not proofread cuz I want to post it but I'm tired of looking at it
Warnings: pregnancy scare, menstruation, period fic, anxiety, overthinking, lack of communication, communication, silly, cuddling, kissing, swearing
Word Count: 1,450
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"Sweetie? What has you so distracted lately?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all! I was just, uh- thinking about work, that's all!"
"You're a terrible liar. Tell me what's wrong."
"It's-" You falter, searching desperately for an excuse and coming up woefully empty "It's really nothing, Sy. I'll tell you at some point, just..."
"... Just not right now." He sighs, but nods, dismissing the subject. A frown lingers on his face as he turns back to the movie. "I trust you, sweetie," he says after a long pause, when it seemed the topic had been dropped completely.
The guilt sinks down into your stomach, but you bite your tongue and cuddle further into his side. The rest of the night remains tense.
You want to tell him. Admit what's on your mind. Finally release this stress from your body. But you can't! Because... what if he leaves you? And maybe you're just being paranoid for nothing - but you can't take that risk, not with Sylus, of all people.
Your period is over a week late. That's not terribly unusual, but it is suspicious given the fact you've stopped using protection in the bedroom. Well, not necessarily stopped, since you're on birth control, but things get heated and he's finished inside of you without a condom. So... what if your birth control didn't do its job 100%? You know there’s a small percentage of it failing, so what if this time is the time it chooses to be ineffective?
Dr. Zayne is the only person you've told about your fears, when you went in for a checkup and nervously asked if he could run a pregnancy test for you. You're not sure if being your childhood friend made the next line of questioning about your sex life more or less awkward. You do know that that test came back negative... But Zayne said after the fact that it could be too early to tell.
So all you can really do now is wait until you do or don't get your period again.
You know it bothers Sylus a lot, your secrecy. You two have both progressed so far in learning how to trust each other, even with the stupid things. This just... doesn't feel like one of those stupid things. You've only just put a name to the relationship, you don't want to ruin that now when things are so new and nice.
So you hold it in. You try your damndest to put it on the back burner and show him as best you can that everything is fine and that you still love and trust him.
You wake up with your body's internal clock. With the N109 Zone being so dark, knowing when day is is a bit tricky. But, Sylus is asleep beside you, laying on his stomach with his face buried in his pillow. He doesn't have a shirt on. A wide expanse of tan skin and rippling muscle is left exposed as the blankets all pool around his hips.
You smile to yourself, albeit a bit mournfully. You're glad he's still sleeping beside you, even if you've both been a bit rocky lately. It's all your fault - you know. You'll make it up to him somehow. You have to.
Slowly, as quietly as you can, you slip out of bed and creep to the bathroom...
"Sy!" You see him startle out of sleep, hand already wrapped around the gun under his pillow as he sits up, searching for the danger.
"What is it?" he asks sharply. You run and jump onto the bed, landing partially on top of him. He tosses the gun onto his nightstand and lifts you by the waist to reposition you into his lap as he sits up properly. "What's got you so excited?"
"I'm not pregnant!"
He blinks up at you with a frown. You grab his shoulders like an excited kid, looking at him expectantly. He feels like he’s skipped several chapters into a book and the plot twist reveal isn’t making any sense. "What are you talking about, sweetie?"
You're practically vibrating in his lap with energy. It's the most light he's seen in your eyes for the last week and a half. It's... relieving. "I'm not pregnant! We haven't been as careful with protection lately and then my period was supposed to come, but it didn't, so I had a pregnancy test done, but Zayne said it could be too early to tell when it came back negative, so I've been waiting and waiting to know if I really am and-! And I'm not! I'm bleeding again, Sylus! I'm not pregnant!"
He shakes his head, brow pinched with a pained expression. "That's the 'nothing' you've been distracted by all week?"
"Um..." You grin sheepishly. "Yeah?"
He takes a moment, eyes closed and lips drawn into a frown. That guilt that settled in your stomach during your movie night returns, doubled in intensity. You got over-worried and kept secrets from your boyfriend, when you could have just told him from the start how weird it was that your period is late and how worried you are about what it could mean.
"Sy...?"
"Mmm."
"Are you mad at me?"
He finally opens his eyes. The expression eases slightly as he shakes his head with a sigh. "Have the cramps hit yet?"
You shake your head. "Um, no?"
Suddenly, his arms are wrapped around you and your world tilts on its axis. A heavy weight settles above you. Sylus's nose presses against your neck. "Good. Let's stay here for when they do."
You try to wriggle loose. He tightens his hold around you and nips at your skin sharply. You jolt, but it stops your struggling. “Why do we have to stay here for my cramps?”
“Because, sweetie,” he sighs. You’d think he’s annoyed, if it weren’t for the way he runs his nose along the column of your throat and eases his weight fully onto your body. “When your cramps start, you’re going to want a heating pad and a massage. And since you hate my massages-“
“I do not!”
“-it’s better if I just lay here and provide all the heat you desire.”
His logic isn’t faulty… And, honestly, having him so close to you again, without the barrier you built between you both, is really, really nice. So, you relent. You wrap your arms around his neck and begin playing with his hair. He lets out a contented hum, pressing a kiss to your pulse.
“So… you’re not mad at me?” you ask again.
“No, I’m not mad. I was… worried. Suddenly you were pulling away from me with no explanation and no warning. I thought…” You gently pull on his hair to remove his face from your neck. He follows with no resistance, resting his chin on your chest as he looks up at you with such serious eyes, tinged with sleepiness and lingering concern. “I thought you didn’t trust me anymore.”
You frown at the admission. For over a week, he thought you were pulling away because you didn’t trust him… “I guess I didn’t help any, keeping my worries a secret…” He doesn’t agree, but you see a slight quirk in his brow. “I’m sorry, Sy. I didn’t… I just… This is so new. I was worried that if I was pregnant, you’d be upset or leave me or something.”
He scoffs. “I’m not so easily scared off, kitten.”
“And I know that now.” You lean forward and press a lingering kiss to his forehead. His eyes flutter shut, furrow in his brow relaxing. When you pull away, they open to look at you once again. “I promise, from now on, I won’t keep secrets like that from you anymore. You’ll be the first to know if I’m worried about anything.”
He grins slightly. “Thank you, sweetie. I promise to be just as honest with you.”
He lifts himself up just enough to capture your lips. Your mouths move together in a languid dance, sealing the deal you two have just made. It lasts several minutes. Neither of you really ever want it to end, but Sylus needs his sleep and you’re going to need all his love and care when your uterus decides to rain hellfire on you to make up for lost time. He pulls away slowly, trails light kisses down your jaw, and tucks himself back into your neck.
Everything feels so much more secure now. Despite all your fears, the relationship has grown stronger. And you know, you’re both going to be okay.
-
Bonus:
“Is the thought of having my kids that terrible?”
“You know that’s not why I was worried, you asshole.”
---
Tag List:
@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @sylusfluffymeow @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pikachuzhc @pomegranatepip @cordidy @an-ever-angry-bi @thejysemongko @deusfoundry
#fanfic#fanfiction#sylus#sylus x reader#love and deepspace sylus#lads sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#lads#lads x reader#lnds#lnds x reader#afab reader#x afab reader
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It's always frustrating to me when I see people's misunderstandings about the degree to which a writer's words and writing choices are intentional. There are many types of writing and some people may be writing for fun or whatever, but in a story that is complex and carefully put together, the writer's choices are not coincidences or things that just so happen to be that way, they are carefully and precisely made choices that are designed that way to communicate something to the reader.
Surprisingly often I will see people write these complex and meaningful HP analyses, and then end their post with 'but I'm sure Rowling didn't mean any of that, or even think about it, she just wrote it this way because she's stupid.' All of that was somehow magically in the text for you to find and analyze, and she didn't even mean to write it? EVERY word of these books was typed by a human hand and reread with human eyes.
Think of how for example people will say foolish things like 'Did JKR just forget that Bellatrix was married?' Bellatrix being married is a HUGE part of who she is, who Voldemort is, how the DEs function, how the traditional pureblood families and marriages and culture function... You're missing SO MUCH of the meaning in the text by denying the writer's intentionality.
Same with things like mistaking her world-building for being statements of her real-world beliefs. 'Here's an in-depth analysis of what the text implies about gender and sexism in pureblood culture... but JKR probably just wrote all this because she's sexist, and I magically put meaning into it that makes perfect sense' ??? The idea that a writer will only write sexism into their fictional world because they're communicating that they think sexism is good is insanity. Characters don't do things solely because their writer thinks that is proper behavior. Characters' behaviors or words, or elements of the fictional world the story exists in, are not straight-forward statements of what the writer thinks is good or ideal, and in fact are often the opposite. If you can't analyze things with such complexity, that's a problem with your reading comprehension, not with the text.
Or, when people will treat the text too much like it's a real life event that happened, rather than something that was carefully put together by hand to mean something. I love analyzing characters and the HP world like they're real, but when you find yourself denying meaning by using logic like 'well it probably just happened that way for no deeper reason' you're just misunderstanding what fiction is.
For example attempting to disprove the numerous hints at the Bellatrix/Voldemort relationship by saying things like 'but other people call her Bella so it could have meant anything' or 'there are other types of pleasure than sexual so it could have meant anything.' But why would Rowling choose that word? And put it right next to Bellatrix longing for his physical closeness? And why would she set up this exchange at all? Why 'lover'? Why 'lover' placed so directly with physical closeness and care? Why 'lover' and 'pleasure' and 'longing' and 'closeness' in the same book? Why have Harry point out that she's acting in an intimate way that invokes being lovers? Why do other characters later use 'Bella,' if not to communicate that it's used by people she considers/ed family?
When everything that 'could mean anything' all lead to the same answer, why is that? Why are you assuming Rowling's implications are for some reason unintentional? Unintentional over and over and over again? If many readers are catching it, why are you assuming she's not smart enough to catch it herself? The only person not catching it here is you. Word choices or words with clear connotations are not random or accidents or coincidences, particularly when several of them occur in quick succession or when it's associated repeatedly with the same two characters. Nor are characterizations or patterns in the text. If you read that way, that's a misunderstanding on your end (not with the author, not with other readers) so don't complain when you can't understand the text. 'I'm going to act like the person who wrote this is stupid, and therefore ignore everything that the text is saying, and then say the text sucks' is YOU being an idiot. Notice how other people don't have this issue when they analyze actual meaning and intentionality in the text
#at least 75% of the misunderstandings about HP are underestimations of JKR's level of intention when writing#that's not a problem with the writing or with other people's meaningful interpretations#it's because YOU don't know how to read#or because you're willfully misunderstanding#bellamort
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Was having a semi-serious conversation with some friends, and accidentally found myself quoting RWBY in a way that actually helped the discussion at hand, which got me thinking, there's a good few lines in RWBY that are just generally good things for life, so i decided to write a post about it 'cause fuck it. Some'll have commentary some are self explanitary enough. "I'm not any one thing, I'm somewhat of a lot of things" - this was the one that actually sparked this, was talking about identity with a friend, and found this quote very applicable - you don't always have to neatly fit in a box, you can be somewhat several things at once, if that's what fits for you. "Well that embaressment, that desire to go back and tell yourself not to be so stupid, that just proves you're not the same person you used to be. And you're not done growing yet" "You don't have to look cool all the time"
"Of course you are [a real girl]. You think just because you've got nuts and bots instead of squishy guts makes you any less real than me?" - This is less a general life lesson, but more of a 'just because someone is different to you, doesn't make them/their experiences any less real'. And obviously there's the trans angle on this, not being a 'real girl' is an anxiety many trans girls have struggled with, or is something people throw at us to put us down. But just 'cause we're built a little different than cis girls, doesn't make us any less girls "Pyrrha thought that, if there was even the smallest chance of helping someone, that it was a chance worth taking" "I'd be lying if I said that it didn't hurt, that I didn't think about them everyday since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too, no matter how dangerous it was, so that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forwards." - Mostly putting this here 'cause it's always nice to have a talk like this regarding grief/loss, and yeah, i just think this is nice and fairly honestly reflection of how a lotta people feel when they lose someone, coupled with the adivce to keep moving forwards. "I'm not asking you to stop. Just please, get some rest, not just for you, but for the people you care about," - I like this one 'cause a) self care is important bitches! Burning yourself out isn't gonna help whatever you're trying to do and b) hurting yourself like that is also gonna hurt those who care for you, 'cause no one wants to see those they care for suffer. So remember to take a break from time to time. "You think you're being selfless, but you're not. Yeah that chameleon friend of yours got me pretty good, but I'd do it all again if it meant protecting you... and I promise Yang would say the same. You can make your own choices sure, but you don't get to make ours. When your friends fight for you, it's because we want to, so stop pushing us out. That hurts more than anything the bad guys could ever do to us," - Obviously the parts about fighting can be taken a little more metaphorically for everyday life, but I like this quote 'cause yeah, the people who are there for you *want* to be there for you, so deciding that you're a burden on them and hiding away/pushing them away is gonna hurt them because they *want to be there for you* - don't decide something for other people. "My losses, my failures, those, more than anything, are what have shaped me into who I am; showed me how I need to grow. If there's something I'm missing it's not because I've lost it, it's 'cause I haven't found it yet" - I just think this is a beautiful line. We've all wished at moments to undo the mistakes we've made, however those mistakes made us the people we are now. And yeah, I love the idea that something you're missing is not because you lost it, it's because you haven't found it yet. "One small kindness, in one small moment, lead to such a marvelous transformation, just like one act of dishonesty caused an unfortunate change" - Reminder that even small actions can mean a lot to others "What happens if I chose me?" "Then maybe, that girl is enough,"
But yeah, all of this to say I love RWBY, it has so many amazing and emotional moments and yeah, if you haven't given it a watch I would highly reccommend (and if you've heard bad things, i'd maybe give it a watch yourself first, a lotta people like to hate on the show in bad faith). But yeah, love RWBY and love all the wonderful moments and messages within it
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I am a slut for Hurt/comfort first “I love you” 🥺🫶🏼
Hope you’re having a fantastic day 🥰
Sorry this took FOREVER, but I hope you like it!
(I’ll post on AO3 after I've had some sleep)
----
"You could always come along. Half naked men are relevant to your interests these days." Eddie teased and Buck rolled his eyes.
"There is only one man I'm interested in, and I prefer him completely naked." he grinned at Tommy who leaned over the table to kiss him.
"Likewise."
"Can someone please remind me why I'm friends with you two again?" Eddie complained.
The three of them were sat at Buck's kitchen table, grabbing a bite to eat together before Eddie and Tommy were going to another fight in Vegas.
"I saved your life." Buck reminded him around a bite of food.
"I've saved your life." Eddie shot back.
"Free babysitting."
"Well with Chris still in El Paso, I don't think I'm going to be asking for your services in that department any time soon. If ever again..."
"Chris will come around." Tommy started sincerely, but there was a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "And I get you free tickets to fights and free helicopter flights to exclusive fights in Vegas and back. Which you could be more grateful for."
"I'm beginning to wonder if that means getting all the details on your sex life is really worth it."
"Hey, you don't have to come. I can always go with Evan and get my buddy to set us up with a nice hotel room on the strip." Tommy said turning to Buck. "The two of us, a king size bed, maybe a jacuzzi... Not leaving the room for an entire weekend..."
"And then you'll complain about about having missed the fight of the century when we get back." Buck reminded him but happily let Tommy kiss him.
"There will be other fights. A weekend in Vegas with you sounds pretty good. We could hit up the casinos. I'm pretty good at poker."
"I beat you the other day." Buck smirked.
"That was intentional." Tommy said with a wink.
"Why would you let him win?" Eddie asked, downing the last of his beer. "Why would you play with him in the first place? Mister over competitive."
"Hey!" Buck protested while Tommy just shrugged.
"I had my reasons."
Eddie narrowed his eyes.
"This is another sex thing, isn't it?" he held up his hands. "No, don't answer that. I don't want to know."
Tommy laughed and finished the last of his food.
"We should get going soon. We need to still drive over to Harbor from here."
Eddie nodded.
"But no more details about your sex life or you can go alone."
"Noted." Tommy said, getting up and putting their dirty dishes in the sink. "Don't bother with those ok? We can do them together tomorrow." he told Buck.
"Sure. You coming back here after then?"
Tommy smiled.
"If you want me to."
Buck stood up and wrapped his arms around Tommy's neck.
"I want you to. I don't care how late it gets, I want you here. And you better wake me up if I'm asleep."
"I'm not making any promises in that department. But I'll promise I'll be there when you wake up. Deal?"
Buck pretended to think it over.
"I guess I can live with that." he joked and the two of them shared another kiss, getting lost in the moment until Eddie loudly cleared his throat.
"Come on Tomás, we have a flight to catch."
Tommy reluctantly stepped out of Buck's embrace.
"The flight is me." he glanced at his watch. "But yeah we should get going." he shrugged on his jacket, grabbed his phone and keys, and with one more quick kiss and a promise to see Buck later, he followed Eddie out the door.
Buck sighed.
As much as he liked the fact that his boyfriend and best friend got on so well, he wouldn't have exactly hated it to spend his night off with said boyfriend instead of watching TV on his own.
He'd only known Tommy for a couple of months but it was getting harder and harder to remember what his life was like without him in it. He didn't particularly want to either.
Just thinking about Tommy made him smile like a teenager with a crush, but lately he was starting to feel like this thing between them was getting more serious. A deeper connection. Not just sex or romantic dates but also being content to just exist in each other's space.
Like spending the night watching the latest movie Tommy insisted he had to watch or trying out a new recipe with Tommy sitting at his kitchen table, keeping him company and being his guinea pig.
It felt a lot like love.
He was pretty sure Tommy felt the same, even if they hadn't actually said it yet.
He really wanted to though, but he was still waiting for that perfect moment. Maybe he'd tell him when they woke up together in the morning.
He smiled to himself as he scrolled through his DVR to find the documentary on bees he'd recorded earlier that week and got comfortable on the sofa as he hit play.
The documentary was interesting enough but still his mind kept wandering. He tried to remember the names of the guys fighting so he could check the score, when his phone suddenly rang in his hand.
He frowned at the screen, not recognising the number. He debated letting it go to voicemail but his curiosity got the better of him.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Evan Buckley?"
"Yes, this is Evan Buckley... Who is this?"
"My name is Laura Greenwood, I'm a nurse at Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre, and I'm calling you on behalf of Edmundo Diaz. I have you listed as his emergency contact, is that correct?"
"Yes, yes that is correct. What's going on? Is Eddie in hospital?"
"Mister Diaz has just been brought in following a car accident."
"A what?! Is he ok?"
"His injuries are non life threatening as far as I've been told." the nurse told him in a practised calm voice. "Are you able to come to the hospital?"
"Uh yes, yes I'm on my way." Buck told her, rushing around his loft to grab his stuff and put his shoes on. "Wait... Was there anyone else brought in with him? Is there a Thomas Kinard with him? Was he admitted too?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that sir. When you get here you can go straight to the ER and they'll take you to see mister Diaz. Perhaps he will be able to tell you more about any other passengers involved in the accident."
The drive to the hospital was a blur. Eddie was in a car accident... but he'd been in a car with Tommy. They'd taken his truck. So what did that mean for Tommy? Had someone crashed into them? Was Tommy alright? Was he even still alive?
He all but threw his Jeep in the first available parking space he came across, and only just remembered to take the keys out of the ignition and lock it.
The hospital was outside the 118's jurisdiction, so he wasn't as familiar with it as some of the others in the city, but he found the ER with ease after making himself follow the signs.
"But was there a Thomas Kinard brought in too?" he tried with the nurse who was taking him to see Eddie.
"Are you next of kin?"
"He's my boyfriend."
The nurse nodded.
"And are you his emergency contact as well? Or listed as next of kin anywhere?"
"I... I'm... No... We've only been together a couple of months... we haven't had that conversation yet."
The nurse gave him a sympathetic look and Buck knew what she was about to say.
"I'm very sorry, but I can't give you any information if you're not next of kin."
"Right... yeah... I understand..."
"If you know who his emergency contact is, they can update you... or tell us it's ok to tell you."
"C-can... I know you're not allowed to give me any details but... is he here? Is he alive?" Buck tried. "Please. I just need to know he's alive."
The nurse looked at him for a minute, weighing her options, then started typing on a tablet.
"Kinard? K-I-N-A-R-D?"
"That's right."
"He's here." She confirmed. "He's alive. They're working on him. That's all I can tell you, I'm sorry." She started walking again, and Buck had to jog a few steps to catch up with her when his brain had managed to process the information she'd given him.
The nurse pulled open a curtain around a bed and Eddie looked up from the magazine he was flicking through. He looked a little banged up but mostly in one piece.
"Mister Diaz, there's someone here to see you." she stepped aside and Buck made himself walk up to the bed and greet his best friend.
"What happened?" he asked after the nurse had left them to it.
"We got t-boned by some drunk idiot in an expensive sports car." Eddie told him. "Tommy got the worst of it. Have you seen him yet? I figured he'd be higher on your list of priorities."
Buck bit his lip. He was happy to see his best friend was ok, but he couldn't help but worry about his boyfriend.
"They won't let me see him. I'm not family, I'm not his emergency contact, I'm nothing. They called me because of you... All that nurse told me is that he's alive."
Eddie gave him a sympathetic look.
"Do you know who his emergency contact is? Does he have family in LA? Siblings?"
"He was born in LA. His dad still lives in the house he grew up in... But they hate each other."
"Ok so not his dad then."
Buck shook his head.
"He also has a brother but I don't even know his name." he rubbed a hand over his face. "I don't even know the name of my boyfriend's brother." he said dejected. "What if he dies? I don't know his family, I've only met a few of his work friends at Harbor, and I don't know any of his friends outside of work. Nobody would even let me know when the funeral is. I don't even know if he would want a funeral. I barely know my own boyfriend!"
He was spiralling and well on his way to a panic attack.
"Hey, hey, calm down." Eddie did his best to snap him out of it by squeezing his shoulder and making him look at him. "Tommy is not going to die ok? He's the one that called 911 after the accident. He had a head wound and they had to cut him out of the car because his leg got pinned. But he was bitching about his truck getting ruined and how it would take him ages to get it back in working order so he was definitely conscious when they got him out. "
Buck made himself take a few deep breaths to compose himself. Tommy worrying about his car was good. That meant he was awake and conscious enough to know what was happening.
"What kind of head wound? Was it bad?"
"Not as bad as it could have been." Eddie told him after a beat and Buck knew he was choosing his words carefully so he wouldn't freak him out. A move straight from the LAFD handbook.
"What does that even mean? There was no brain matter on the airbag?"
Eddie rolled his eyes at his friend's dramatics.
"The idiot hit Tommy's side pretty hard. Almost flipped us over. We got knocked around the car pretty bad and he hit his head on... something. I don't know, it all happened really fast."
Buck nodded and just about managed to stop himself from shaking Eddie to give him more details.
"I think I passed out for a few minutes... because the next thing I remember is Tommy asking for my phone, well... more like demanding, because he couldn't find his." Eddie continued, scrunching up his face trying to remember more details. "I think he used my phone to call 911... but I don't know what happened to it." He looked around. "They haven't given me my stuff yet."
"I'll go find someone..." Buck moved to stand up but Eddie stopped him.
"The phone can wait. We need to figure out what we're going to do about Tommy."
"What do you mean what we're going to do about Tommy? I'm not family, they won't let me see him."
"I know... but maybe we can figure out a way around that. That nurse from before likes me... maybe if I flirt with her a little she'll tell me what room he's in? Or how he's doing?"
"Just how hard did you hit your head in the crash? I think you have a concussion. That's never going to work."
"Hey, I'm charming and sexy! I'm hot!"
"I've seen you puking up your guts after bad sushi and hungover and praying in Spanish on my bathroom floor after you decided to mix beer and tequila. You are neither charming or sexy."
"Well you try it then! Or maybe one of the male nurses will be easier to persuade."
"I'm not going to flirt with a guy to get info on my boyfriend!" Buck said exasperated and stood up. "I'm just going to calmly talk to the nurses again and explain the situation... maybe they can tell me who his emergency contact is. Maybe it's his brother and I can introduce myself and he can tell me how Tommy is doing."
Eddie mumbled something under his breath but Buck ignored him and went in search for someone who could tell him more about Tommy.
He was almost at the nurses station when he heard a familiar name.
"I'm here for Thomas Kinard. I got a call he was in an accident."
"Are you family?"
"I might as well be." Buck had a clear view of the man now but he didn't recognise him. "I'm his emergency contact. You called me."
"Name?"
"Sal Deluca. Salvatore."
The nurse typed something on her computer.
"He was in a car accident. Suspected fractured pelvis, head laceration, suspected broken ribs and open tibia fracture, as well as suspected ruptured spleen. He's in surgery now." She told the man. "You can take a seat here and someone will come update you when they can."
The man looked like he wanted to argue with the nurse but apparently decided it wasn't worth it and just sat down on a nearby chair and took his phone out of his pocket. He tapped the screen and put the phone up to his ear.
"Hey, it's me." he paused to listen. "No I haven't seen him yet. He's in surgery. Pretty banged up. He's gonna need help when he gets out. We can't let him go back to his place on his own." Another pause. "I don't know, Gina." A slight irritation in his voice. "We'll figure it out when the time comes." another pause and a sigh. "Yeah. I'll call you when I know more. Yeah. Love you too. Bye."
Buck watched him put his phone away and sit back in the chair. It was now or never. He took a deep breath and walked up to the man.
"Hi... uhm... you don't know me but...-"
"Look, man, let me stop you there. If you're the one that hit my buddy and want to clear your conscience now or something, don't bother, I'm not interested. He'll probably forgive you when he's awake, because he's an idiot like that, but don't come to me with that shit."
"What? No. Tha-that's not... I'm Evan Buckley. Tommy is my boyfriend."
The man sat up.
"You're Evan?"
"Yes... Has Tommy mentioned me?"
"Yeah. Hasn't stopped talking about you for the past few months. I feel like I know you better than my own wife by now."
"Oh... I uh... h-he hasn't told me a-about you..." Buck stammered.
"Of course not." The man rolled his eyes. "We've been friends for over 20 years, he's my both daughters' godfather, but he won't tell his new boyfriend about me." he continued sarcastically. "I guess he just wanted to make sure you're not an asshole like the last idiot he dated. Andrew really fucked him up."
"Y-yeah..." Buck agreed, not wanting to let on he didn't have a clue who Andrew was.
The man stood up and offered Buck his hand.
"I'm Sal. Were you in there with him?"
"No, my best friend was. They were going to Vegas to watch a fight." Buck explained and filled him in on the details.
Sal turned out to be easy enough to talk to once he'd decided Buck was alright, and the two of them talked about Tommy, the job, the 118, and the grudge Sal still held against Bobby.
After some time, a tired looking doctor came to update them on Tommy's condition and a nurse took them up to the floor so they could see him.
"One visitor at a time." she warned them.
"You go first." Buck told Sal who shook his head and pushed him towards the door.
"He's not going to want to see me, trust me. You go sit with him, I'll go update my wife."
Buck wanted to protest but Sal was already walking away and tapping his phone screen. He looked through the little window in the door and saw Tommy, looking way too small and frail for a man his size.
His leg was in a cast and there were various bandages around his head and body. He glanced at the monitor beside the bed and watched the lines move with Tommy's heartbeat before gently opening the door and going in.
He grabbed the chair from the corner of the room and sat down as close to the bed he could get. He watched Tommy's chest rise and fall with each breath and carefully took his hand in his.
"Hey... You scared the shit out of me..." he said softly. "I got the call about Eddie and I jumped in my car right away... And Eddie's fine, he'll be alright... But they wouldn't tell me anything about you. I didn't even know if you were alive." He brought Tommy's hand to his lips and brushed a kiss over the knuckles. "When you get out of here, we need to talk." he said and winced at how it sounded. "Not... not like that. I'm not breaking up with you. I just... our jobs are dangerous you know. And next time you get injured on the job... or just... anything happens to you... I want to know what happened. I want to be able to come see you without Eddie thinking he can flirt with a nurse and convince her to let me." He laughed a little. "You know that would never have worked."
The next few hours went by in a blur. Tommy woke up a few times but was way too out of it to have anything resembling a conversation, Sal dipped in and out of the room, and even Eddie had come by to check on Tommy.
The hours turned into days, and the days turned into a week. Tommy's condition had improved enough for him to be moved onto a regular ward and for the dose of the heavy painkillers to be lowered so he was awake for longer periods of time and more aware of what was happening around him.
And also getting more and more annoyed by the fact he couldn't move around as freely as he'd like, practically begging the nurses to get him a pair of crutches even if he was nowhere near well enough for that.
"Hey there sleeping beauty, welcome back to the land of the living. If you wanted to see me that badly, you could have just picked up the phone, you know? You didn't have to crash your car." Sal joked when he walked back into Tommy's room after updating his wife and checking in at work on day 8.
"You know me, always had a flair for the dramatic." Tommy replied and gave him a tired smile. "How are the girls? Evan said you went to call Gina."
"They're fine. Torey wants to come see her uncle T but we talked her down to facetime when you're feeling better."
"Yeah... when these bruises clear up... and the stitches come out. Or can be covered up somehow. I don't want to scare her." Tommy said, gesturing to his head. He was looking a whole lot better than when he'd first been brought in but the bruises were only just starting to fade.
"She's seen you first thing in the morning before you've had your coffee, she can handle a couple of bruises."
Buck sat back and let the two of them talk. He'd gotten to know Sal a little over the past week or so and he liked the guy. Even if he was still kind of intimidated by him.
But it was clear he cared about Tommy and Buck was happy Tommy had a best friend like him. Someone who would drop everything to be there for him. Someone who would always have his back.
Though it was also frustrating that between Sal, the hospital staff, Tommy's crew from Harbor, and various members of the 118, Buck had barely had a moment alone with him.
And he didn't need an audience for what he wanted to tell him.
"I promised Torey I'd take her up to see the lights."
"So save it for her next birthday." Sal argued and Buck realised he'd zoned out and didn't have a clue what they were talking about. "Or wait until she turns 21 and take her to Vegas."
"Oh sure. 'happy birthday sweetheart, you'll get your present in 11 years' I'm sure she'll understand." Tommy said sarcastically and Sal laughed.
"You know she'll remember. And then Bella will want to go too when she turns 21. So you better make sure you get back in that chopper so you can take my girls to Vegas when they're old enough."
Tommy groaned.
"When Isabella is 21, I'll be..." he shook his head. "I don't want to think about that."
Sal sat back in his chair.
"They grow up way too fast." he settled on. "Feels like only yesterday that she couldn't even wrap her little hand all the way around my finger, and now she's talking about inviting boys to her birthday party."
Buck did his best to focus on the conversation, even if he didn't know Sal's family, but he kept zoning out and his eyelids were getting heavy. He hadn't exactly had a good night's sleep at Tommy's bedside, and now the worst seemed to be behind them, the lack of sleep was starting to catch up to him.
"Evan." someone squeezed his hand. "Evan, hey, wake up."
"Wha-what?" he blinked the sleep from his eyes and sat up straighter. "I'm here, I'm awake. I'm here. Are you ok?" he searched Tommy's face for any sign of discomfort or even pain."
"I'm ok. But you just fell asleep sitting up. Why don't you go home to get some rest. in an actual bed."
Buck frowned.
"I'm not leaving you. I'm fine. I just... closed my eyes for a second. I'm fine now, I promise."
"You sound like my daughter when she doesn't want to go to bed." Sal cut in. "She's 8. And I usually pick her up and throw her over my shoulder and take her to bed anyway. So don't try me, Buckley."
Tommy laughed a little but then turned serious.
"Evan, you're exhausted. Why don't you call Howie to take you home. Just for a couple of hours." he pleaded. "I've got Sal here to keep me company, and all these wires stuck to me so they can make sure I'm alright... I'm ok now, I promise. It's your turn to rest now."
"I'm fine." Buck insisted. "I'll get a coffee from the machine later. I'm fine."
"Evan..."
"Tommy, I love you, but please stop trying to get me to leave. I'm not leaving until you are." Buck told him, and brushed a kiss over Tommy's knuckles to emphasise his point.
"Ev... I... You... Did you... mean... that...?"
"I'm not leaving you."
"Not that... the... other thing..."
"The other thing?" Buck mumbled and tried to replay the last part of their conversation in his mind. Tommy, I love you. "Oh... t-that... I..."
"It's ok. You don't have to explain. You're exhausted, I get it. It's fine." Tommy rambled.
"No, I... I... did.. do... mean it. I just... didn't... realise?"
"I'm going to... go buy some cigarettes." Sal said and got up, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair.
"You don't smoke." Tommy pointed out.
"I'll start." Sal replied and left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving the two men alone.
"Are you cold? Do you want me to fluff up your pillow? Do you want some water? Do you want me to go so you can sleep?" Buck rambled, fussing with Tommy's blanket.
"Evan... tell me... did you mean it? It's fine if you didn't. I can handle it. Just tell me. It's alright. We're just having fun, right? You didn't sign up for all of this. It's fine. You can just go. I'll call you when I'm better. Maybe we can go to that club you found online the other day. I mean, it's gonna be a while before I can dance again but... -"
"Tommy!" Buck interrupted. "Shut up. Please." he carefully sat down on the bed next to Tommy's hip and put his hand on his uninjured leg. "I did mean it. I just... didn't mean to just blurt it out like that. I wanted to make it romantic. Maybe a candlelit meal at home. Some music playing in the background, maybe a nice glass of wine... and then I'd take your hand..." he paused to do just that. "And I'd look into your eyes. And I'd tell you that these past few months have been amazing, That you have been amazing. That you make me happier than I ever thought I could be." he carefully leaned in to press a kiss to Tommy's lips. "And then I'd tell you I love you. I love you so much. And then in a perfect world, you'd say it back and we'd have the best night of our lives."
Tommy smiled.
"That sounds amazing. And I love you too."
"You do?"
"Yeah. It's kind of scary... I've never felt this way about anyone before... and definitely not this quickly... but yeah, yes I do love you Evan."
Buck leaned in for another kiss.
"I really wish we could do more right now. I wish I could hold you." he gently ran his hand up and down Tommy's good arm.
"I know... Me too."
"When you get out of here, I'm going to cook for you. All of your favourite foods. I even found a recipe for spumoni online and I'm going to make it for you." Buck promised. "It probably won't be as good as your grandma's, though, but I’ll settle for second place." he joked.
"I'm sure I'll love it. Because I love you."
"I love you too." Buck replied. "And I could really get used to hearing you say that."
"Good thing I'm planning on saying it a lot then."
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Bimbo Update #32
Happy New Year!
It's been a while since I posted on here. It almost felt like life was trying to keep me away from bimbo spaces/hypno in the later half of last year. This year, I've made it my resolution to start doing more. I want to begin posting regularly on OF and on here, make time to listen to hypno every day and more.
I already started listening to files again over the holidays. It didn't take long for some of my old triggers to begin taking effect again. Good Girl never really stopped working, but its effect had begun to weaken. Within the first day or two of getting back to listening to files though, it was back to hitting me with an almost orgasmic wave of pleasure. Bambi Sleep came back pretty much right away too. It really didn't take long for it to start dropping me into a trance again. Some of its related triggers like Bambi Freeze took a little bit longer to start freezing me in place again.
There have been a couple surprises for me as I've gotten back to listening to files everyday. First, some of the triggers that didn't used to have as big of an effect on me are working better than they used to. For example, Bimbo Doll now noticeably makes me go a bit fuzzy and puts me into more of a bimbo headspace. The other thing that I wasn't expecting is that I don't remember the things that happen when I'm in trance nearly as much as I used to. I used to at least have foggy memories of the things I listened to at least, but now it's much more of a blank spot in my memory.
#bimbo doll#bimbo training#bimbo girl#bimbo hypnosis#hypnosis#bambi hypno#bambi doll#bambisleep#bambi sleep#bambification#bambi update#bimbo update#jademoonxx
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I agree with all of this, "hope this helps" 🤣🤣. It would not be cheating at all and even if it was cheating I still wouldn't care 😅. Where do you sit on this topic?
Q. Let me start by saying I desperately want Buddie together but I have a growing suspicion that they're going to insinuate or outright show that they kissed at the bachelor party and that would taint them from go for me because putting them together through cheating, especially on a character the show established had turned into a really good guy, is so unnecessary and disgusting and ruins them right off the bat.
A. I wasn't going to reply to this ask but I have several similar asks currently sitting in my inbox so I'm going to respond even though this person is clearly a tommy trying to pretend to be a Buddie. How are you all still so bad at all of this nearly a year on? Your ask is a completely disingenuous take. If having them kiss at the bachelor party ruins them from the start for you then you don't 'desperately' want them together. You don't want them together at all and I don't know why you feel the need to pretend that you do. When the bachelor party takes place Buck and Tommy had been on ONE very bad date. Yes, they had a conversation where Buck said he wanted to try again but they were not a couple. You can't cheat on someone you've had one date with. Furthermore the show definitely didn't establish that Tommy had become some stand up remarkable human being, that is laughable. He was a sexist racist when they needed him the first time around for Chim and Hen, and he was a gay man the second time around when they needed someone for the coming out storyline. That's it. The show didn't care to establish anything else about him. The fact he left Buck standing on a curb after he understandably panicked a bit during their first date and then told Buck Abby went crazy when he dumped her pretty much illustrates though that he wasn't a great guy.
Forcing real life moral codes onto fictional characters is always a recipe for pain though. You can't do that. The very nature of the media they exist in doesn't allow for real life moral rules to always be followed. Real life people don't always do the right thing. Expecting fictional character to do so is ridiculous. Drama comes from their mistakes so television shows will always have them screw up and make bad decisions every now and again. I don't want them to have kissed at the bachelor party because I don't want their first kiss to be a flashback, but I won't be terribly bothered if that is the route they take because it's not that big of a leap to make. They made a point of making both of them drunk, Oliver mentioned in an interview while talking about filming the karaoke scene that everyone needs a little liquid courage now and then. They made a point of releasing the deleted scene with Eddie telling Chris about how he met Shannon and what he liked so much about her when they first met. The show then intentionally had the bachelor party mirror that story with Buck talking all night long and showing how close and intertwined they both were all night long. The karaoke song even fit the callback of that story from Eddie. We also cannot ignore the fact that Eddie basically blew up his life following the bachelor party so going back and showing that something did indeed happen between the two of them that night would not be some astronomical story leap. I have said from the beginning they filmed way too much content and spent way too much money for those scenes to just never come up again or be shown. I don't think we're getting the actual karaoke scene but I do think we might get some of the other scenes in a flashback of some kind but we don't know that for sure. That New Year's Day post was definitely an intentional choice and it was certainly an interesting choice, but it doesn't necessarily indicate anything bachelor party related is coming. It could just be one more thing to add to the growing belief that Buddie is very much coming though.
Lastly, even if Buck and tommy had been in a full blown years long relationship and the show had Buck and Eddie get together by cheating on him I still wouldn't care or be angry. They could murder him, chop him up and dispose of the body and I would call it the most romantic thing ever. I genuinely don't care about him at all. Hope this helps ☺️
Thank you Nonny! 🤗
As for where I stand on this topic?
Listen, I grew up on soap operas where everyone cheated on everyone.😋 It never bothered me. In fact, it brought some extra tension and I love that in a show. So I don't really care one way or the other.
But also, Tommy wasn't his boyfriend at that time. They were trying things out and so far Tommy had proven himself to be a bit of an ass. So no, if we find out that Buck and Eddie kissed or made out during that bachelor's party? I will cheer.🙌🙌🙌
I've been here since te beginning. They need to get this show on the road and if this is the way they have chosen to go? I'm fine with it.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.
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I wrote this a while ago but didn't know if it was worth posting. Found it in my notes and it made me feel sick. We'll see. Johnlock angst, trigger warning for death.
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
"It's alright! I can fix this, I will fix this, just, give me a second, I need to...."
"Sherlock..."
"SHUT UP! I just need to go to my mind palace, just shut up..."
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
"Sherlock..."
"JOHN! What don't you get in 'shut up'?! Stop distracting me!"
"Sherlock!"
"I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME!"
"... There is no more time. We're done."
Sherlock looks around, and his shoulders drop, letting the weight of the world slide off.
"No... I can still... I can..."
"Even if you found the code now, we can't access the panel anymore. It's over, Sherlock. The game is over."
John puts a hand on Sherlock, and he's not mad. He smiles at him. After the worst mistake of his life, Sherlock gets a smile as punishment.
"John... I'm sorry."
"Sorry? You never apologize. Why start now?"
"Because! Usually..."
He sighs, and lets himself fall to the floor. Rock bottoms are comfortable to him. Familiar.
"... Usually, the mistake isn't so bad, or, I have time to... Fix it..."
"Maybe. But not always."
"What?"
"Not always, Sherlock!"
John laughs. It's the best sound Sherlock has ever heard, when knowing he's about to die.
"Sometimes, you say something, or do something, to our clients, and you just... You never apologize. And you never fix it. You never see those people again."
"Doesn't matter."
"What? Your mistake?"
"No. Them. Besides, one would argue that by fixing whatever problem they came to me for, I fixed my own blunder times a thousand."
Sherlock knows John. He knows John wants to say something to that.
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
He knows John won't waste their time bickering.
John laughs.
"Alright, Sherlock."
They sigh, and there's silence, as they sit next to each other, waiting for the room to swallow them whole. They're going to be crushed. Mashed into each other. Their bodies, if they're ever found, are going to be indistinguishable, a gruesome mix of blood and gore. Inextricable. Sherlock finds the thought oddly comforting.
"I love you."
Sherlock didn't expect John to waste their time lying.
"What?"
"I love you, Sherlock. I have, for a while. Maybe since the start."
He shrugs, with a casualness that's heartbreaking, in context.
"Since we're gonna die, I just thought I'd let you know. You don't have to say anything, I know you don't..."
John looks at him, and even now, there's hope in his eyes. Sherlock isn't about to waste this. What use are masks when the mascarade is over?
"I love you too."
"No, I mean..."
"I know how you mean. And I love you too."
There's a silence, as they both stare each other down.
May the stages of grief begin.
-----
Denial.
"Wh-what? No!..."
"Yes, John."
"No! No you don't... You don't love me! I mean... M-maybe you do, but you're not... In love with me! Sherlock!"
Sherlock sighs. Weary.
"I am, John. I tried hard not to be. To pretend otherwise. But I am."
"But... But..."
John looks angry. Perhaps he will waste their time with bickering after all.
----
Anger.
"But why!"
He finally explodes. Sherlock is confused.
"Why what?"
"Why... Why... Why didn't you say anything!"
"Why didn't you?"
Sherlock's counter accusation is enough to catch John off guard.
"I... Because, I..."
"Because you were scared."
Sherlock's tone is cold, implacable truth.
"I was."
"And so was I."
"And so were you."
Silence. No, not silence. Tick, tick, tick, tick.
"... We're really two idiots, aren't we?"
Sherlock laughs, because it's true. They are. And he'd rather hear John laugh than cry.
----
Bargaining.
"Well, then."
John gets up. Slaps his knee. It's about to be too small in here to do either of those things. He looks at Sherlock, beckons him with a nod. Sherlock hesitates and gets up. John pulls him closer, and Sherlock swears that this will be enough to make time stop, to delay the inevitable.
John kisses him.
Sherlock eventually backs away, stunned.
"What? What's got you so wide eyed?"
"I... You... Kissed me."
"Yes, I did."
John smiles. He kisses Sherlock's hand.
"It's my last chance to. I'll take as many seconds as I can get."
Sherlock breathes again. He shakes his head.
"We... We have to get out of here."
"Sherlock..."
John watches, as Sherlock paces along the narrow corridor, trying to get his thoughts in order.
"We have to get out of here, John. I have to figure this out."
"Sherlock... Sherlock!"
This time, John isn't as patient. He pulls Sherlock by the wrist, and kisses him again. Puts a hand on his cheek. Looks at him, sorrowful.
"It's over, okay? It's over. Let's just... Make use of the time we still have."
"But... If we get out of here, I... I could..."
"I know. I know what we could be. Could have been. But it's too late for that. Let's just... Take what we can, while we can."
He pulls him closer. Sherlock feels himself die in that moment, even if the walls haven't crushed them yet.
-----
Depression.
Sherlock falls into John's embrace, and the men are too close to pretend the other isn't crying. Their tears mix on their cheeks, and Sherlock feels John's leg trembling against his. He's scared.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"I am, John. For everything. For not getting us out, for bringing you here, for never saying anything earlier..."
"Don't apologize, it isn't like you."
He kisses his neck as he says this.
"And I love you."
Sherlock wants to cry so badly. But it isn't like him. And John loves him. He'll give John as much of what he loves as he can.
-----
Acceptance.
"There isn't enough time."
"Even for a quick one?"
The two men laugh at the whispered joke from Sherlock. The detective knows it's unlike him, but by God, is John's laugh addicting. And caving to addiction is very much like him.
"Sherlock..."
Their bodies are pressed against each other now, and it's pleasant, not that they have a choice. Sherlock felt the breath John took to say the word against his own ribs.
"Get your hands off of me!"
"Well, it's not like there's ample room to move about, John."
"Sod off, you know what I meant."
Oh, he knows. But he won't die without feeling John's package, not when he has the option to do so. It's not so much that the context is conductive to that sort of mood, or even that this half-measure press over the jeans is anywhere close to what Sherlock really wants, really craves, but the little endorphins he gets from it help. You know, with acceptance. Of what's to come.
There's a moment of silence, as they gently kiss each other, as John ravages Sherlock's neck, as Sherlock tries not to be bitter, or think of what ifs. It's harder than it looks.
"John..."
He hasn't said that name enough in his life. He could've lived forever and still wouldn't have said it enough, really.
"Yes, Sherlock?"
There it is. There's little room to breathe now, let alone speak. Those are his last words, Sherlock knows it. Not that anyone is here to record them. Well, John has always been the only ear that's mattered, anyways. He'd be lost without his blogger.
The Great Sherlock Holmes, about to draw his final breath. A mind so incredible, few even believed in it. But John did. John always did, no matter what. What words will best undo his time on Earth, unravel all that he is and bring to it a satisfying conclusion? What would be enough to summarize him?
Sherlock takes a deep breath, for the last time.
"I love you, John."
So pathetically cliché.
"I know, Sherlock. I could read it in your eyes, in your every word and silence. In your everything. My everything. My amazing."
And how fitting, that the writer's last whisper is so much more eloquent than snotty Holmes could ever hope to be. So much more fulfilling. Sherlock sighs and holds him, and he hopes John knows that Sherlock could read it, as well. In every line of his blog. John's love for Sherlock was so engrossing, the world even fell for it, even started to love Sherlock as well. Every flutter of every heart, every smile on every face caused by Sherlock Holmes' great mind, really was caused by John Watson's greater heart. And Sherlock hopes John knows, no, knows John knows, because he's John, and John knows everything that matters, always has, even when Sherlock was blind.
And their bones start to crack. And it's starting to hurt.
And the detective hopes that his last thought is John's name, because nothing else in that brain of his matters now. Nothing else. That's the flaw of genius, it needs an audience.
The genius holds his audience captive, not with words, but loving arms.
And the soldier holds his allegiance back, with the strength and fervor of a fighter, and the tenderness and care of a healer.
And why would you want to read what happens next?
#johnlock#sherlock#sherlock holmes#bbc sherlock#john watson#sherlock bbc#sherlock fanfic#fanfic#angst#sherlock angst
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since so many people now appear to be part of the "Stan Pines is hot" club, I gotta ask...
Which Stan appearance is the hottest
(also reblogging for larger sample size is appreciated)
#stanley pines#gravity falls#polls#fits i didn't include due to them being pretty similar to ones on this list include:#what he wears when trying to steal will e badger & what he wears to watch ducktective in dungeons dungeons & more dungeons#also his stanchurian candidate fit that's just his usual clothes + the mind control tie#I almost included when he's pretending to be ford but that almost doesn't feel like a Stan Look#then again if I did a similar poll for ford I might include when he's wearing the suit so idk#i would've put the suit with & without the fez as separate options but alas limited number of options#and also those are very similar (more so than the options i didn't include for being too similar)#same with his suit but when it's like casual (like jacket & tie undone)#you can pick any of these ones i didn't include i'm just explaining why some of them aren't there#if someone already made this poll i'm sorry i didn't know#s0dabeach post
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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HEY
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#i really like the subtract glitch i've been doing recently - so here's some of that again lol :3#the way it interacts with their palettes is so fun i like it a lot ehegh :33#//anyway do you ever consider just tossing out any part the human body you've learned to draw and just drawing dumb little guys with arms#like pipecleaners forever or what hfhs#//oh this is was doobled in traditional originally#i need to digitize more of these. Because#though aura's hair was more extreme in the second panel in that version - i'm tired though and 3 days ago it was the same so no feelings to#change that lol :)#also i didn't shrink the noise enough so it didn't look right - and i was not going to reimport it so Bon Voyage my dude hfhs#was Supposed to fit on a 900x900 canvas but i made the panels a liiiiitle bit too big so it's 950x950#which is Fine it's a round number but it's not a Round-Round number so [gesturing]#1000x1000 was way too big for this little thing so she sits at a pleasant halfway point :>#//anyway i was also up til 3 a.m. last night doing ?? something ?? i genuinely don't even know what lmfhsbvh#nice though maybe my brain'll get a reset lol :3#stay up really late some random nights and jumpstart your brain!! it's foolproof!! never fails!! [<- these statements have not been reviewe#by the FDA or the Center for Sleep Control]#//ANywho now i'm going to be on my way#/oh i also forgot to post the oath n aura refs i made for artfight lol-#i'll prolly put those up w/ the kira and hid ones though :>>#i like to have the whole ensemble :D i Do feel bad when one of them gets left out hghsfh - like forgetting a stuffed animal somewhere#even though they're all together for small portion of the story it still feels off lol#i should prolly introduce the rest of the cast at some point. .... ......... ..........hm yea prolly. maybe one day hfhs#//anyway NOW i'm going i've run out of tag space i think hfhs - toodles !! :>
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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hi it's time for some BC + chart meme again 😌🖤
#blind channel#i made these over a month ago actually when i was having a shit day and needed to cheer myself up#they did the job but i didn't think they were funny enough to be posted#but now i looked at these again and was like ''eh what the hell 🤷♀️''#pls don't ask me about the second one (aleksi's placement in particular) i can't remember my reasoning back then anymore lol#i'm also not sure why i put aleksi in 'pirating' in the prison one but i'm sure i had my reasons#(yes still no fic ready to be posted but here's some memes for y'all to look at while waiting i guess. you're welcome)#reblog if you'd still love BC if they were a band of worms
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.
#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages#me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my#pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones#idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when#everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that#and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for#this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100%#myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too#and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for#networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and#then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first?#which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else#anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me#i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so)#oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like#alright that's it for now i think#gah emotions and whatnot#missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon#personal
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I love the vocal nuance in this exchange, but also posting this for my differences posts because this is one of the changes that infuriates me the most. Yuri didn't threaten Ioder, did not threaten him with a weapon, and just said he'd punch him in a lazy, half joking voice (half joking as in, he really doesn't want to hear that - that's just his way of saying so; but that's not the voice of someone who is super angry and threatening).
My other huge grievance is that this is a recurring issue between them in the dub. Yuri is pretty much always vocally rude to Ioder. Ioder has done nothing to wrong him or anyone and has only ever done good for the people where he's able to.
Yet despite Ioder being nothing but sincere, honest and polite with Yuri, in fact even happy to see him here and there, dub Yuri is outright tonally rude to him leading right up this scene where he threatens Ioder in this dark voice. Meanwhile he's actually just supposed to be… lazily telling Ioder he'll punch him in his Yuri Lowell way of saying "I don't want to hear that".
The dub really just wanted to turn Yuri into this dark edgelord and I hate that for my goofy, silly boy.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#honestly JP Yuri talks abt punching ppl often enough that it's like... this should have been an easy tl#and like honestly wtf is with the dub having Yuri at Ioder's absolute THROAT every time they talk#I'm serious when I say dub Yuri genuinely pisses me off sometimes bc he's an asshole for NO reason#it's not cool. I'm not rooting for him. I'm rooting for someone to punch him in the face for being an ass#JP Yuri would love to do it honestly he's always up for punching ppl it's a recurring theme for /him/#I've never wanted to punch JP Yuri in the face. I've wanted to punch dub Yuri in the face multiple times#that's enough for me to recognize that the dub took more than just ''creative liberties'' with the loc#it SUCKS too bc the dub in and of itself isn't bad. I've said this before but#it really is primarily Yuri and his absolute ATTITUDE problem /and/ the way the dub treats Flynn and puts him down constantly#and unfortunately often uses Yuri to do it... when they're not having Flynn himself do it#all always in areas that never even happened originally. they just literally made it up#still not over how they had Flynn basically berate himself by saying ''like a /good knight/'' at Yormgen#the dub very clearly had a /narrative/ bias against imperial figures/knights that wasn't in the original#what was the reason to drop Sodia calling Yuri ''sir'' at Aurnion? there wasn't one!#but Sodia BaD so we can't possibly let anyone see her character development and have to hide it from dub players!#unfortunately for me the dub not being bad in and of itself truly is trumped by#its treatment of Yuri and Flynn as characters and the way the game narratively directs players#for me it really is THAT BAD that it's stronger than the rest of the dub being just fine#and it really truly honestly RUINS the entire dub for me bc I love Yuri and Flynn and hate seeing them treated like that#I mean literally the whole point of me making those text posts is bc of my love for Yuri lol#and it's so sad and hard to see dub players not get the same Yuri experience simply bc... they don't even know#a lot of people didn't even realize how different he was and like... I get loving Troy's acting#but again Troy isn't the problem here. I don't want a dub that treats my favorites the way it does#I WISH Troy could have voiced Yuri the way he really is. in some way for me it feels very lonely#bc like the casual person I pass by who knows Vesp isn't likely to have not played the dub you know??#so it's like... I wanna talk abt Yuri but we aren't even talking abt the same Yuri#nearly outta tags lol but yeah it just... makes me SO sad that they did all this to those two
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I am. So so scared about that they're doing with Tory this season lol.
#⚡ ooc. ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞#the thing is I do like a good corruption arc but she has already made so much progress and EARNED her face turn yknow?#it took her three whole seasons of changing and wanting to be a better person to get there. *that* didn't come out of nowhere.#and it wasn't just an act of necessity to get rid of silver and kim that is tory being who she is instead of this front of forced toughness#my mixed feelings mostly come from how absolutely convoluted some things are around her return to kreese#like for one I will say they did pick the only circumstance in which I could see breaking her enough to go back (her mom d*ing)#that is literally the ONLY thing that could have worked and been believable for me to put her in that headspace#where she's so desperate just to make sense of the world again that she's susceptible to kreese's influence again#I don't have a problem with THAT aspect. I like how that was done in the vacuum of things and that part is what works for me.#what I don't like is everything happening *around* that situation and there being some glaring things that have to be overlooked#to make it happen exactly as it did#for starters it makes no fucking sense to me at all that no one went to physically check on Tory when she ghosted everyone#and then NOBODY checked on her after that fight when something was clearly wrong with her???? absolutely not.#the only explanation that would make sense for me is that she ran away and went where no one could find her#but the show didn't give us anything like that. they just skipped time so they could have her turn be more shocking.#and I hated that so so so much#also the other major plothole for me is tory willingly working with kim again#kim is to her what silver is to daniel so I don't think even under this extreme mental duress that she would go back#bc kim literally traumatized her#she would go back to kreese yeah. I could believe that. but there is no way she wants to be around kim *at all*#that would be like having daniel forgive silver and go back to him just because he teaches good karate#I have feelings and obvs I'm gonna wait and see how this plays out but I'm genuinely worried#especially after seeing some stuff in the trailers / released screencaps that have me concerned about where they're taking it#which I won't talk about in this post bc potential spoilers but uh. I definitely have strong feelings about a couple of things.
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