#it didn't allow me the time i needed between all the things i had to do scared

[monzamash]

★ bargain bin — lando norris

coming clean part II lando norris x you —no warnings, just angst (the spice will be back next time, i promise) read part I here requested by anon; "sex while there is the background noise of a rainstorm outside"

“you can only come in if you promise we’re not going to fight.”

lando nodded, eyes soft. he looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept in days. you didn't know that he had only flown home from a triple header yesterday, you swore once the break up happened that you wouldn't worry about him anymore. but of course you did, secretly checking the race results, betrayed by your curiosity.

“the last thing i want is to fight with you,” he replied, barely above a whisper as you took a step to the side and allowed him into your apartment. 

he was dripping wet from the storm outside, immediately ditching the bomber jacket hanging from his shoulders and kicking off the boots covered in your freshly cut lawn. he was apologetic about bringing the rain into your quaint apartment — he felt safer here than in his own place in monaco. he hated it there now, without you, swearing up and down that nothing but resentment and pain lived in those hallowed walls. 

seeing him in the flesh felt different to what you expected. your heart clenched as he leaned against your couch, hands stuffed into his hoodie and dishevelled curls sweeping across his furrowed forehead. being in the same room for the first time in months changed everything, all the fears you’d built up in your mind melted away and the deep regret of letting go of someone so kind and generous churned in your stomach. 

“you look tired, lan.” 

the nickname caught his attention, eyes locking in on your expression to see how genuine you were — hoping to god you were giving him the same look you gave when you were together. 

“i don’t even know how i managed to drive over here to be honest — just can’t sleep anymore,” lando grumbled, feet shuffling on your carpet. 

“then we should go to bed…” 

his eyes widened in surprise at your suggestion, “wha- are you… are you sure?” 

you nodded and reached out for his hand, “come on.” 

lando followed closely behind, heart thumping in his chest as you closed the bedroom door and walked to your closet, “i still have some of your clothes here,” you whispered, handing him a baggy shirt and a pair of shorts.

“thank you…” he managed to squeak out, tears slightly forming in his eyes, “you always look after me better than anyone else.” 

“i know you’d do the same for me if i was struggling,” you stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world as you exited the bathroom in your pyjamas. 

lando sighed and held his tongue. all he wanted to do was tell you how beautiful you looked and how much he appreciated your caring nature. instead, he crawled into bed beside you and rested his weary head on the pillow. the sound of the thundering storm outside your window would have been enough to lull him to sleep, especially with the warmth of your body so close to his. but he didn’t want to sleep, not with so many thoughts swirling around his busy mind.

“how have you been?” he asked, causing you to look over at him with a chuckle.

“i thought you were tired…”

lando shrugged and attempted to disguise his small smile, “i was but like i said in my text — i miss you a lot. miss talking to you and hearing your voice…”

“sounds like you’re down bad.”

“so bad.” he quipped back, shuffling closer to you like a magnet. 

you shook your head and turned onto your side to face him completely, “i miss you too.” 

“yeah?” he almost sounded shocked, playfully so but there was a hint of genuine scepticism in his cracking voice.

“yeah. miss a lot of things about you…”

“like what?” he taunted. 

“just shut up and kiss me, you dork.”

lando didn’t need to be told twice as he closed the small space between you, scooping your waist into his arms and holding you tight. your noses bumped before your lips made contact, making your both giggle as he kissed you into the mountain of pillows.

a loud crack of lightning outside your window made you jump, instinctively pulling him even closer than humanely possible as his lips travelled down your neck — the rumbling of thunder murmured in sync with your heart beat. it felt like the first time you’d met all those years ago, so young and stupidly in love. 

“i love being with you during storms like this… makes me feel safe.”

“i’ve got you and i’m not going anywhere.” he reassured sweetly in a whisper.  you sighed in relief, relaxing into his touch while bringing his face up to yours with shaky hands. there was a nervous surge of energy when you looked into his sparkling green eyes, slightly darkened by the dimly lit room— you believed every word he had said that night and sealed it with a kiss, slowly melting into the covers as he made you feel like you were the only woman in the world.

a/n — very rarely does this happen but the spice would not come to me for this one. i feel like the vibe just felt different and honestly, i don't know how to feel about it hahaha i realised a long time ago that writing angst doesn't come naturally even though i'm a moody bitch - maybe it's because writing is my escapism lol #end of (f1) season sale!! —see what other customers are buying ✨

[inthehexcore]

pages and books

summary: The quiet Enforcer stops by your quiet library. Multiple times.

content: STEB! librarian!reader gets sick, fluff, can't think of much else! probably ooc

wordcount: 2.397

a/n: i love Steb so much... inbox/requests open!

⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

The sun in Piltover shone as bright as it always did. It lit up the entire library, and you could not help but hum as you pushed the cart of books around. The warmth of the rays only made the building look more beautiful, something which you were not aware was even possible.

The high ceilings with curved windows and hand-painted images, detailed golden pillars, royal blue seats with dark wooden tables. Not all of your fellow students liked the library. To be fair, there were tons of other stunning places all around Piltover, but yours was here.

You spent so much time surrounded by the books that you just ended up taking a side job as the assistant. It meant pouring coffee and putting back books, but it also meant reading when everything was cleaned and drinking the sweet tea that was technically only meant for the professors.

With the library not being the most popular spot, it also allowed you to brush up on skills and even pick up new things to learn. The history of Piltover, Professor Heimerdinger's autobiography, varieties of plants, but most recently, you found a book about sign language. It was interesting for sure. Every time you put the loaned books back in their spot, another one got added to the stack of other books that you still wanted to read during your breaks.

So, as per usual, you sat at the window near the counter. Even with it being your break, you still liked to be close to your workspace, just in case someone came in.

A steaming cup of tea stood beside your book as you flipped through the pages, admiring the photographs of Piltover's 'ten most beautiful buildings', occasionally stirring the cup of tea and taking a sip out of it. Stuck in your own world, though your gaze moved to outside the window ever so often. From here, you could see the main square - the market, Enforcers, students.

The watch around your wrist kept ticking away, reminding you that your break had already stopped a few minutes ago. A neat bookmark got placed between the pages of the book as you turned around, nearly dropping the hot beverage that you were holding.

Right in front of you stood a tall Enforcer. His face was blank and his hands were clasped behind his back. You were nearly jealous of his posture - you must have looked idiotic with how hunched over you were sitting.

"Oh, Officer! I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long."

The man slowly shook his head, his eyes set on you as you moved back to the counter, placing the book that you were reading back on its space. He took a step closer, his arms still behind him.

"What can I help you with today?"

He held out his hand, a small note hidden in the grip of his glove. A short list with some of the most specific books you had seen in a while. Even though you did not dare to ask him why he needed all of these, you could not help but try to theorize.

Maybe he was working on a weapon, or what if he went off into the wilderness and build a house out of nothing but sticks and mud?

"Ha, this might take me a moment to find. Would you like some tea, Officer?"

Quietly, he stared at you for a moment before shaking his head. He just had his break - after bringing these books to Commander Kiramman, his day was basically over. Patrol for an hour, and then it was time for him to relax. Finally away from all the loud sounds of the city. But being in the empty library was not unwelcome, either.

"I will be back in a sec!"

It was much longer than a sec.

With every minute, you got more and more anxious. How could you keep an Enforcer waiting for this long? There was no one in the entire library! Your footsteps sounded heavy and you felt like every breath you took was one too loud. But, after fifteen minutes and lots of going up and down ladders, you finally found all the books on his list.

"And... Phew! This should be all," you wiped your hands, "Do you need help bringing it to... your office?"

Silently, the Enforcer shook his head again, reaching for the stack of thick books as he held them in his hands.

"Oh! What name can I put these on? That way I can remember, for next week!"

Next week? Oh, to return the books.

The man looked around him for a moment before his eyes fell on the small notebook next to you. He glanced at it as he looked back at you. You furrowed your eyebrows for a moment before going 'aha!', reaching for your notebook as you opened it on a blank page, handing him your pen. If you could have, you would have chuckled. A strong officer writing in your sparkly notebook with a neon-coloured gel pen.

He put the pen back down, nodding before taking one step back.

"Thank you so much. Till next time, Officer Steb."

Even with the interaction being a little under a week ago, you still had not moved on from it. His intense, blue gaze, his straight and confident posture. His handwriting even - it was immortalized in your notebook.

You found yourself looking for him through the windows, and while walking through the square, you would keep an eye out for his tall figure. 'He still has two days to return the books,' you thought to yourself. Most people even turned their books in late. But he was an Enforcer, so you highly doubted that he would.

Humming again as you placed the books back on the shelves, your cart now empty. Except for a few students in the far corner of the library, you were all on your own. You didn't mind - it left you with some time to finish up the essay that was due for tomorrow. So, with a sigh, you pushed the cart back to the counter.

There, in front of the small spot where you always sat, stood Officer Steb. It seemed to immediately lift your spririts as the cart suddenly felt much lighter.

"Officer Steb!"

His ears slightly moved back a little, not expecting your voice to suddenly pop up, but as he saw you, he gave you a nod.

"And, how did you like the books?"

He only nodded in return, placing the stack of books down on the counter. All of them had been put in alphabetical order - he must be an organized man. You pulled up his page, making sure that you had all the correct books as you nodded, scribbling down all the extra information before handing him the handwritten receipt.

"Could I do anything else for you, Officer?"

Steb was quiet - he was quiet often times. Out of his pocket, he fished another note with a few more books on it. The Undercity's History, a cookbook, 'Haircutting for Dummies!', and some more titles. You glanced up at him, trying hard not to let chuckles escape from you.

"Are these… All for you?"

You spot the tiniest shape of a smile as he shook his head. He tapped his Enforcer badge as you nodded, an 'oooh' as you looked back at the list.

"Be right back!"

This time, you found the books much faster. Not that Steb minded if you took a while - he enjoyed the library. He liked the books, the smells, the sun - you. Maddie offered to bring all the loaned books back to the library, but by the time she could even think about standing up, Steb was already out the door. The rest of the Enforcers shrugged it off as the man just wanting to spend some quiet time on their own. It was what he did.

But you.

How… Happy you always were. Cheery, but not overwhelmingly so. A bright flash of the sun through dark clouds. A stark contrast to his stoic demeanour, fire and water.

"There we go," you hummed, brushing a strand of hair out of your face as you pushed the cart back to the desk, "Can I put it under Officer Steb again?"

Hearing his name coming from you felt new, refreshing. He nodded, reaching over for the stack.

"Well, if you use the haircut book, let me know."

Steb snorted with a smile before clearing his throat, quickly standing back up straight before nodding. He was looking forward to next week.

For months, he came every single Tuesday, always around the same time. It must be during his break, or during his patrol. Only once had someone else shown up, Officer Nolan, as she introduced herself. She was nice and very talkative, so the two of you spent quite some time at the desk, chatting away. The week after that, Steb had written something extra on a note that he had stuck in a book.

'Sorry for Officer Nolan'

It had made you laugh.

Every week, the list of books would be different from the one before. Not only that, but the topics of said books could not be further apart. It was after a month of wondering that Steb answered the burning question that you had in mind. 'They are for the entire squad. They make a list, I get the books.' It made sense. So now, every week, you would try to guess which of the Enforcers would be reading which book. A fun little game, and thankfully Officer Steb would humour you, nodding or shaking his head depending on if your guess was right.

Over time, it felt like a friendship. More details of Steb came to the surface, and he would ask about your day. Favorite foods, hobbies, things you both hated. Officer Steb did not speak much, but he was comforting company. If bringing the book was his last task of the day, then he would stay at the library for a moment, starting the book that was meant for him. The last few times, you also placed a cup of tea next to him when he wasn't looking. It was like a challenge to see if he noticed you sneaking up on him - he did, but he would have never told you.

Today had been a bad day.

You slipped on your way to the library, there was a group of loud kids in the library, your head was pounding and you were not sure if you were feeling hot or cold. With a pack of tissues in your hand, you sniffed, squeezing your eyes shut.

The large windows and bright sun felt like a curse as you wished for nothing more than it to be dark outside. At least the group of rowdy teenagers had finally left.

When you heard the door open again, you nearly groaned in annoyance. If they returned, then you would have had no other choice but to hide in the back, away from the noise.

But after the creaking of the door, there was no other noise. You raised an eyebrow before lifting your head out of your hands, being met with no one other than Officer Steb.

"Oh, Officer Steb," you sniffed, your voice hoarse and odd-sounding due to your blocked nose, "I nearly forgot the date."

While usually dressed in his Enforcer uniform, he now wore something much more casual. You had never seen him outside of the dark blue and gold - the black and dark green suited him. Without his beret or helmet on, you could also see his hair. You wondered if he used the 'Haircutting for Dummies' book for it all those months ago. According to Steb, the book was not for him. His eyebrows creased as he scanned you, squinting his eyes.

"Yeah, not the best day," you shrugged, wiping your hand on your shirt, "But there is no one else to run the library, so… Me it is."

He quietly stared at you for another moment before gesturing to your notepad again. The sparkly cover held many pages of his handwriting - so many that it might as well have been his. You silently hand it over, your head aching with every move you make.

'Stay here, be right back'.

Steb turned on his heels, walking right down the hall and out the door. You only raised an eyebrow before looking over the stack of books and writing down all the information you needed. After what felt like an eternity, you finally sat back down in your chair, your fingers rubbing at your temples.

The Enforcer came back not long after, a small bag in his left hand. He placed it on the counter - as quietly as he could - which made you look back up.

"You're free."

Steb's voice was so different from what you imagined.

"I-" you frowned, "Excuse me, Officer Steb? I'm not sure what you mean."

"Just Steb is fine," he looked away, "Commander Kiramman has contacted the owner of the library, your boss, and you have permission to leave now."

How had he done that?

Your bag was still packed, resting against the side of the counter, almost jumping in excitement that you got to go home.

"You are sick, yes?"

"I mean… Sadly so, I'm guessing."

He nodded, slowly reaching out to you before slightly raising an eyebrow. You breathed in, nodding as his hand made contact with your forehead. Cold, so cold. Your eyes almost closed at the sensation, the feeling of his cool fingers nice against your burning face.

Sadly, the moment ended all too soon as Steb reached into the small bag, pulling out an assortment of different painkillers and medicine.

"Once a day," he held up one of the packets, "Maximum of three a day, six hours inbetween."

He had gone out to get you medicine? You nearly wanted to start crying, your tired eyes and heavy limbs glad that they would almost be able to rest. Not to mention the bursting and pounding of your heart. Despite feeling horrible, a smile still formed on your face.

"I… Steb, thank you. I can't believe this."

He took your bag off the ground, waiting for you to lock everything up before exiting the library, side by side.

"Thank you again," you said, though it came out not nearly as loud as you thought it would have.

"Have to take care of my favourite librarian," his comment nearly made you fall over, though he would not have let that happen, "I bring you home, you take the medicine, and I see you next week?"

[himasgod]

Kinich x Reader II

Where you have regained your confidence and are healing, and you dare to ask Kinich for physical contact.

(Warning! This is the second part of something I wrote previously, a kinich x r4ped!reader. You should read the previous part to give it some more emotional charge! I repeat the same thing, if you have been a victim of this type of ab4se, you are very brave. You are not alone, and there are many things watching your back, supporting you, many laws, entities, people, users, etcetera… soon you will get your life back and it will only be a distant scar that you will live with, I promise <3)

Natlan’s dim moonlight filtered through the dense jungle canopy, casting faint silver glints over the hut. It had been weeks since that night, since Kinich had learned the truth. Since then, he had kept his distance, his usual gestures of affection replaced by careful words and a respectful space that pained you as much as it made you feel grateful.

He had remained by your side. Despite your fears that he wouldn’t want to deal with the weight of your grief, Kinich stayed. His stubbornness, that same quality that used to tease you before, now felt like a lifeline.

That night, as the fire in the campfire crackled softly, you found him sitting outside, carving something on a piece of wood. The scene was so familiar and reassuring that for a moment you forgot the knot in you chest.

“What are you doing?” he asked, breaking the silence.

He looked up, his expression softening at the sight of you.

“A necklace,” he replied, turning the piece of wood in his hand to show you. It was small and still shapeless, but it looked like a flower.

“It’s nice. Who is it for?”

Kinich smirked, a smile filled with that quiet confidence that was so characteristic of him.

“Who do you think it is for?”

Your felt your heart race. There were moments like this, fleeting but significant, where she wondered if she deserved the patience and devotion he gave you without reservation. Still, you decided to sit beside him, leaving a small space between them.

“Thank you, Kinich,” you murmured after a while.

He set the necklace aside and turned to you, resting an arm on his knee as he looked at you seriously.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. I…” Kinich paused, searching for the right words. “I just want you to be okay.”

The honesty in his voice made your throat tighten. You nodded, but couldn’t look at him directly. Instead, you let your fingers brush over the half-made necklace.

“I want to try,” you whispered suddenly.

“Try what?”

You looked up, meeting those intense eyes that seemed to see right through you, but never judging.

“Trust again. With you.”

Kinich didn’t say anything at first. His hand, calloused but firm, moved slowly toward yours, stopping just short of touching.

“Can I?” he asked, and you nodded with a slight tremor.

The touch was gentle, barely a brush, but it was enough to send a wave of emotions through you. Anxiety, fear… but also warmth.

Because it was Kinich.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he said, his voice low and calm.

You leaned a little closer to him, letting your head rest against his shoulder. Your breathing intertwined with his as silence filled the space between them. Kinich didn't move, he didn't rush you.

After a while, his fingers began to explore, tracing soft lines on the fabric of your arm. It was an innocent gesture, but one charged with intimacy. Heat rose to your cheeks, and you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to enjoy the moment after all.

"I don't want to scare you," he said in a whisper.

"You don't, my love"

For the first time in a long time, fear didn't dominate your senses.

Kinich was a constant, an anchor in the midst of the storm. As his fingers slowly traced the outline of your wrist, you felt something inside you begin to heal.

It was Kinich. And you had begun to slowly heal your wounds from that afternoon. You needed to normalize your life again, to do the activities you liked again, to spend quality time…

And there was nothing you both wanted more at that moment, when you arrived home, than to get back in touch.

You didn't remember Kinich like that. It seemed like after he heard what happened, he didn't dare touch you again, as if you were a ghost. However, every time he was with you, it seemed like there was an invisible band-aid on your heart, a thread that sutured your wounded heart.

You felt clean again. You felt good.

Kinich gently grabbed his flower-shaped necklace that you had hanging around your neck, and gently pulled, his eyes searching yours with some anxiety, as if he wanted to confirm that everything was really okay. When you realized that you would need to take the initiative this time because Kinich didn't dare touch you again out of respect, you brought your hand to his cheek and joined your lips with his.

You missed that feeling, and Kinich had an invisible lump form in his chest, while yours was disappearing in his company.

After a few minutes of tongues dancing with each other and your hand on his cheek slowly caressing, Kinich separated from your lips. His lips were reddish, and he placed his nose in the hollow between your shoulder and your neck.

Patience was not one of Kinich's virtues, as his hands began to make their way to the edges of the fabrics that covered you.

"Are you okay? Tell me, please, if you need me to stop at any time, whatever, tell me."

However, your cheeks were already red when Kinich caressed the skin of your bare back under your shirt with his calloused palm, and your eyes looked firmly into his.

With him, you felt safe.

"I wish… that you continue. Please, Kinich…"

No more words were necessary for silence to invade you, accompanied by the sound of your tongues fighting against each other again, somewhat louder, as Kinich made you sit on his lap and you shyly ran your hands over his torso. Meanwhile, his hands softly touched your back, going up to the clasp of your bra as he whispered lost in your lips,

"Are you okay, love?"

But you probably couldn't be better.

Here is my masterlist, in case you are interested in any more of my work or want to send me a request <3

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One ThirtyOne

Throwback bits that didn't make the cut - I just needed to do something cute and fluffy I guess, so this is set when Eddie still had a tail

“Hey, no come on, it’s fine.” Eddie frowns, pouting a little, but he stops trying to rub the cream off.

“Why?”

“We’ve been over this, I’m worried about your skin. I know you’re not going brown or anything, but what if you like, can’t? And you’re just being damaged by the sun.”

“Sun not hurt,” Eddie tells him firmly.

“No, I know, but just...just let me do this, okay? Take your shades off, let me get your face.”

Eddie does as he’s asked, leaving his glasses on the lounger next to Steve, Steve rubbing a little more cream on his hands before carefully getting Eddie’s cheeks and nose. Eddie’s big brown eyes watch Steve’s face closely. They’re too big for his face, really, something a little unnatural in the way they catch the sunlight. Steve traces his sharp cheekbones, shifting Eddie’s thick thatch of hair to smear some over his forehead. Eddie pulls a face, exposing the sharp points of his teeth, but says nothing.

He doesn’t bother with Eddie’s tail, he figures the skin there is thick and kind of rubbery. He also figures Eddie isn’t going to tolerate it.

“Touch bad,” Eddie says, rubbing at the lotion on his arms again.

“No it isn’t. I’ve done all the kids and Birdie, now it’s your turn.” Eddie huffs out out his nose, but turns, sitting on his tail between Steve's knees as Steve applies the lotion all over his pale back, “okay, you want your hair up or not?”

Eddie thinks for second before saying, “up.”

He more often than not says no, but they are all out in the garden today and it’s kind of breezy, so maybe he wants it out of his face. Steve uses one of Robin’s scrunchies to gather it all up into a haphazard bun on top of his head. “Okay, you’re free to go.”

“Stee?”

“Yeah buddy?”

Eddie frowns, “Stee,” and takes the bottle from Steve, unclicking it and moving to squeeze some out onto his hand.

“Oh no,” Steve takes it back, “I’m fine, I’m pretty tanned, see?”

“The kids. Birdidie. Eddidie. Stee. The sun hot ow,” Eddie gestures at the sky, frowning, like ‘it’s the fucking sun’.

“I...okay,” Steve realizes pretty quickly he can’t actually argue Eddie’s point. It would be more than a little hypocritical of him, “sure.” Steve holds his arms out, allowing Eddie to apply the cream. Eddie lifts Steve's legs by the ankle, one at a time, creaming Steve's calves and shins before making sure to get the tops of his bare feet.

He has to hold in his smile when Eddie is ever so careful with Steve’s cheeks and nose, applying the lotion with a single fingertip, careful of his claws, Eddie's frown of concentration, his slightly parted lips, the focus in his big eyes. “Well, thank you.”

Eddie heads off to his tent, bringing out notebooks and pencils before he lies out on the grass, away from where the kids are playing.

“It’s called a Frisbee,” Steve holds it out so Eddie can take it, tapping the colorful plastic with his claws. He’d been watching the thing with fascination, but hadn’t been brave enough to come closer.

“Is-bee,” Eddie mangles the word pretty badly, but he really struggles with any words staring with an ‘f’ sound, so Steve just lets it go.

“Yeah, you want to throw it to me?” Steve mimes flicking his wrist for the throw, back off a dozen big paces.

The throw is low and kind of slanted, but not too bad at all, and Steve manages to catch it by diving for it. He throws it back gently, managing to get it close enough that Eddie can catch it; Eddie might be able to move fast considering his tail, but not that fast. Plus he needs his hands to move which feels like an unreasonable disadvantage if you’re playing catch.

Eddie grins big when he’s successful, and when Steve celebrates with a cheer and both arms flung into the air, Eddie mimics him, “more try?”

“Go for it buddy.”

Eddie’s ass is right in the air, chest and chin pressed into the grass. Steve can’t see what he’s following, but it’s probably a grasshopper or a cricket or something. Steve can’t see the bug, but he can tell it’s movements by Eddie’s focus. Eddie uses his tail to slide himself forward through the grass, lying flat before he drags his tail forward again, ass back in the air, doing the worm across the lawn.

Eddie shuffles his cupped hands forward carefully, clearly trying to capture whatever it is.

He lifts his hands carefully, sitting up again on the curve of his tail; Steve watches as Eddie opens his cupped hands, peering inside. His confusion when there’s nothing there is palpable, and Eddie looks around, finding his target some distance forward in the grass.

He goes back to his stalking.

Steve watches a little longer before heading over, hanging back far enough to see what it is, “it’s a grasshopper.”

“Grasshopper,” Eddie repeats, “little guy.”

Steve snorts a laugh, “yeah, just a little guy. Maybe we should leave him alone now, huh?”

“Eddidie not hurt grasshopper.”

“No I know, but to him, you’re probably really big and scary, right? And you haven’t eaten yet, you need to come and have some lunch.”

“Pears?” Eddie follows, loosing interest in the bug pretty fast.

“And a beer, if you want.”

The weight is very pink; one of the smaller free weights from a set his mom bought when she was going through a video fitness phase. Steve tosses it into the pool, Eddie racing to retrieve it. It feels like he’s back in seconds, his tail a black streak under the water, “you’re so goddamn fast.”

Steve throws it again, feet dangling into the water from the edge of the pool. Eddie retrieves it; he seems content to keep going, and Steve would be worried about all the energy he’s burning, but he’s been steadily putting on weight since he got here so he’s not that worried. Steve figures the exercise has to be good for Eddie’s muscles, or whatever. It’s probably a good sign that Eddie has so much energy.

The weight breaks the water with a splash, Eddie retrieving it and putting it next to Steve’s thigh. He floats in the water, waiting patiently for Steve to throw it again. “More?”

Eddie shrugs, they have been doing this for a while, but Eddie seems to enjoy pretty much any form of engagement.

“Stee in?” He asks, tapping the surface of the water.

Steve figures it’s a little chilly, but not that cold, “sure, I guess. Let me go and get changed and grab a towel and stuff.”

Steve’s never been in the water with Eddie before. Eddie might not be the fastest on land, but in water he’s a streak of lightning. He swims rings around Steve, popping up with his wet hair flat to his head. They play a half hearted game that’s half tag half keep away in the pool, but Steve doesn’t stand a chance. He takes an opportunity to splash Eddie one time when he pops up, making Eddie laugh uproariously.

Unfortunately Steve is totally outgunned, he quickly regrets introducing Eddie to a new game when he's immediately sent sprawling under the water when Eddie hits him with a tail made wave Steve could never hope to compete with. When Steve emerges, Robin is nearly crying with laughter.

“Stee read?” Eddie asks quietly

“Uhm, I mean I can, but it’s just sports stats-”

Eddie climbs up onto the lounger, Steve grunting and trying to compensate when Eddie accidentally digs his bony bits in. He settles half on Steve’s chest, tail trailing down to rest between Steve’s legs and off the end of the chair.

“Cute,” Robin says from next to them, sipping her drink.

Eddie ignores her, twisting to tap the page, “words that wait.”

“I...I guess they do hang around, yeah,” and Steve proceeds to read scores and match stats from his magazine until Robin interrupts them again.

“Is he asleep?”

Steve stops, looking down. Eddie’s half on his side, back to Robin, but his face is restful, eyes closed, and he doesn’t react when Steve abruptly stops reading.

“Yeah, I think he is.”

“He must feel really safe with you Steve.”

“Yeah...I guess he does.”

[fan-a-tink]

Personal post, but seeing this gif loose in the tournament brought up some stuff and I just needed to get it out of my system.

This moment right here is the reason why this show has come to have such a hold on my soul. Before I watched a single minute of the actual show, I came across the YouTube video where Jayden & George break down the confession scene and it includes this snippet where Charles says "there's no one else, no one else" and I knew then I had to see this show and that I was going to love it.

A few years ago, I fell in love with my best friend and having carried this love quietly for a long time, I finally told them how I felt. It was one of the scariest but also bravest things I've ever done. I had realised that I was ace earlier that year and it took me a long time to work out where I fell on the aromantic spectrum. It was because of my friend that I could understand what being "in love" meant. For me, romantic attraction is all about that secret third thing, that incurable hope to mean something to the other, to be allowed to love them and care for them and be a part of their life not matter what. So when I told them about my feelings, I wanted to acknowledge how important they are to me. I wanted them to know how much they are loved, how important their presence and friendship is in my life. And yes, I guess what I was hoping for was to be just as important to them as they are to me. I was asking them whether they wanted to go through life with me, and let me go through life with them. And although their answer was similarly to Charles a "not yet" rather than a definite "no", it caused a hurt I have still not recovered from and I'm not sure if I ever will. At the end of the day, I was not a priority to them enough that they wanted to figure out what the rest means together.

So hearing Charles say that "there's no one else, no one else" does something to my heart every single time I watch that scene. Having been the Edwin in this moment, I cannot tell you how much Charles' response to Edwin's confession is an affirmation of their friendship, of the importance of their relationship, no matter how they define it. No matter who Charles has a crush on at the moment, there is no one else he would go to hell for. Edwin is the most important person in the world to him and that will never change. It's exactly the response I was hoping for from my friend, the response I didn't get, and hearing Charles say these words tore my heart in two and healed it at the same time. The entirety of the confession scene still does all sorts of crazy things to my emotions, but this is the moment that I cannot let go of, that I will never recover from.

Edwin and Charles mean the world to me because their relationship is the definition of the secret third thing, so devoted that the distinction between romantic and platonic looses some of its significance. They are "it" for each other, they choose each other over heaven and hell over and over again. They care about each other so much that being apart is the only thing they cannot endure. They can deal with whatever happens to them, as long as they are together. The one thing that they are both completely sure of is that there is no one else for either of them. Their relationship is what I had hoped to build with my best friend, and to see these two ghost boys get there has healed something in my heart and made me feel incredibly seen.

[bokettochild]

Am I allowed to ask about your Legend losing magic brainrot or do I need to just wait for more ACAC to come out?

No, I'm always happy to talk about this one!

I've actually had this headcannon for a while now, but it hasn't managed to come up in a story much (mainly because I've yet to post that BoHH chapter) but here's a brief rundown!

Legend had really strong magic as a child (it's implied heavily in the manga)

His adventures helped him temper it and learn to use it in various ways.

The manga imply that this magic is at least partially a gift of the triforce, although I believe all hylians have at least some magic, even if only latent. His royal blood would also contribute in my HC

Legend's magic was at it's peak in his Oracle adventures, where he had literal goddesses at his side most of the time and was frequently called upon to use their instruments as well as some of his own

Legend lost his magic on the way home from Labrynna when he was caught in a magical storm and struck by lightning.

Here's how it works!

A hylian, and any other magic user, has what one would call a 'magical core'. it's not something physical, but it functions as a heart of sorts where magic is involved, and despite not being present in the physical sense, can be felt and voluntarily controlled to certain extents by skilled magic users. All of their magic flows through this core much like our blood cycles through us from our heart, and, much like a heart, it can weaken or grow stronger depending on the health of the mage, the frequency of use, and what level of magic is employed.

Legend's magical core is incredibly strong, but when he was struck by lightning and woke up on Koholint, that changed.

See, in my HC, the Windfish fully intended to bring him there. What he didn't intend to do was essentially disconnect body and soul in order to do so. As far as this HC is concerned, Legend may or may not have technically been dead for the entirety of that adventure, as his 'physical' form on Koholint was created by the Windfish the same as anything else there in order to house his soul while he wandered the island, hence why it all felt so real for him.

Meanwhile, one of two things had to be happening for the Windfish. Either he was (a) trying to repair damage done to the borrowed goddess-child/servant's body, or (b) he had to essentially make a whole new physical shell for Legend's soul when he returned to the waking world because the lightning blast incinerated the original one.

Either take works with this HC, and I use them interchangeably where it suits me >:)

Whichever you use though, one thing stays true regardless; when returning Legend's soul to his body, the Windfish's magic was still incredibly weak from what he'd been through (what with the corruption and dark magic he'd been fighting) so he did a sort of slap-dash job of it (not intentionally).

This results in a sort of disconnect between Legend's actual soul as his physical form, which includes the fact that his soul and magical systems are not connected to each other as they ought to be.

I don't know how many of you have dabbled in electronics, but it's something like if you were able to build a functioning robot, but someone pulled out all the wires and you had to hurriedly reconnect them all again, only to miss one that, while not essential to basic functions, does affect one particular lesser function. The Windfish forgot that proverbial 'wire' when reattaching soul and body.

Legend is not aware of this. Legend is only aware that he had magic before Koholint, and then he didn't when he came back.

However, when he came back, I imagine he had a lot going on initially, and it's all of that which he believes caused him to lose his magic, not the dream itself. See, Legend's return to the waking world had him stranded out at sea with only a bit of driftwood and, while he had his adventurers bag, it likely didn't have any food in it. So, while, being Legend, he probably had a canteen of fresh water at hand, that would only last him so long. Which means, between sun exposure, lack of food and fresh water, and trying to find his way home, by either paddling himself around or using his mer form, he probably had some issues.

Now, I like to say he used the mer form, as it offers him the best advantages, such as not needing to actually use his fresh water supply, as Mer can absorb water from their environment and are able to withstand both salt and fresh water, as well as they have faster propulsion and he wouldn't be directly exposed to the sun.

Maybe he even ran into other mer! Who knows! Since this is my HC though, I like to say he did, but because he tried to sort of travel with them for a while, it did catch attention from above, and in perhaps the worst turn of events possible, the mer school was attacked by pirates and one little hero just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time (again) resulting in our lovely vet taking a spear through the tail.

I say the other mer got scared off by the attack and our boy was sort of just stuck in survivor mode for a good while before, eventually, being picked up by Ralph, because I want it :)

Anyways, upon return to Hyrule, he's screwed over from lightning and injuries, and since swimming with a spear through your tail (and the resulting infection) isn't much of an option, yes, that dehydration and sun exposure did come into play regardless. So, in short, Legend was screwed over from the time he made it Hyrule to the start of his next adventure. I say that he had to relearn to walk in that time, and struggled with speaking, although that was likely a result of heavy depression and trauma and less a physical issue.

I don't think Legend really tried using his magic until the following adventure, which, while not canonically his, I like to say is Cadence, but it could be ALBW instead. When he can't access his magic as he used to, he assumes that, like his speech and mobility, it was just something he lost or damaged in his returning home (the mer thing is a curse and thus outside of his control, if you were wondering).

I think he took it pretty hard, naturally. But, being himself, he adapted around it by acquiring magical items of varied sorts that he could use to sort of replicate his old abilities and/or give himself access to new magic.

Now, a magical item is something that is powered by the users magic specifically, sort of latching onto the 'veins' of their magic automatically, so this is actually a great workaround for Legend! While he can't actually find/access his 'core' for himself, a magical item can, and it taps into his magic for him, thus allowing him to employ at least some of his magic.

Now, you can get angsty with this and say that, like with a heart, because Legend himself is not regularly accessing and employing is magic, it sort of causes a build up that could and might be slowly killing him, but that's only if you want the super angsty route >:)

Regardless, what Legend has is, as Wild put it, a magical disability; essentially the equivalent of being crippled (which Legend has already been, technically, although he's recovering still from that too). As far as mortals are concerned, there's no fix for it. His soul would literally have to be removed from his body, again, and then properly re-placed within, which, while possible, he would never go for, because he's an un-trusting little bunny.

This WILL come up in other stories (it'll play a major role in BoHH), but in none of them have I chosen (so far) to restore Legend's magic to the way it's supposed to be. As is, he's sort of jury-rigged himself a solution in the form of what are, in essence, the magical equivalent of adaptive technologies/mobility aides.

The one way this does benefit him, however, is that his magic is shrouded and also much less blaringly obvious to the magically sensitive/adept, which makes hiding his heritage/presence much easier, even if it does make everything esle much harder.

And that's it!

(If you're curious about fics where I've played with this idea before, then the Sicktember 2023 installments Legacies Burden, Deeper Than The Surface, and Footsteps Across History all briefly touch on the magical adaptive technology usage, and To Seek Hyrule's Star plays a little bit with the post-Koholint Legend, although less than I had originally planned when writing it.)

[maddiethedogstories]

The Baby Doctor

Reposting this because it seems to have disappeared from this blog for some reason! Enjoy!

This wasn't supposed to happen! She was never supposed to be here. She was a smart, intelligent, capable woman. She had graduated from medical school for God's sake. But, she had pissed off the wrong nurse. Now, here she was, helplessly her diapers for the entertainment of the whole labor and delivery night shift.

It has been the third week of Dr. Bun's residency. She was on the tail end of a horrendous on-call shift. She was working through her charts and, in her delirium, got sloppy in her attention to detail. She accidentally ordered that one of her patients should be given a deadly amount of pain killers to deal with post-delivery pain.

Luckily for her patient, the doctor supervising the young doctor did not trust her yet. He caught her mistake, fixed it, then tracked down Dr. Bun to give her some aggressive constructive criticism. That's where Dr. Bun fucked up.

Rather then owning her mistake and promising to do better, Dr. Bun deflected the blame onto the nursing staff. Specifically, she alleged the nurse treating the patient, Nurse Angela, must have got in the system and messed up the order. Dr. Bun's supervisor was skeptical, but chose to trust his newest charge. He let the resident off with a warning and went to give the nurse a piece of his mind.

Unfortunately for Dr. Bun, the software the hospital used to treat patients kept careful record of precisely who made what orders. Fortunately for the girl, however, her supervisor had no idea that software has that capability. Nurse Angela, in the other hand, was very aware of it.

A couple of days later, when Dr. Bun was back in the hospital changing into her scrubs for the shift, Nurse Angela walked into the room holding two things--a print out from the record keeping software pinning the deadly medication order on Dr. Bun and a bulky, white adult diaper.

"Dr. Bun, I have a bone to pick with you. You pinned a potentially deadly mistake on me when, both you and I know I had nothing to do with it," Nurse Angela said. "That sort of dishonest, manipulative behavior is something I'd expect from a naughty toddler, not a doctor."

Dr. Bun began to feel upset at being challenged so directly by a person she considered beneath her.

"I didn't lie! You must have screwed up my orders, nurse," Dr. Bun, spitting out the word nurse as if it was the worst epithet imaginable.

Nurse Angela just calming walked up to the young, arrogant doctor and handed her the print out of the record confirming Dr. Bun's mistake.

"That is not what this says. Did you know dishonesty is a fireable offense at this hospital? One that the hospital reports to the medical board as well as any future employers?" Nurse Angela asked rhetorically. The older nurse smiled as the young woman's face dropped.

"I… uh… I'm so sorry! I'll do anything to make this up to you! Anything, just, please, don't tell anyone!" The resident pleaded.

The nurse's grin widened, becoming predatory. She motioned with the white, fluffy object in her other hand.

"Well, like I said Doctor, you've been acting more like a toddler than the responsible adult you are supposed to be. I think you need a reminder of that at all times from now on. Until I decide otherwise, if you want to keep your job here, you will wear and use one of these at all times when you are at work. The hospital's bathrooms are off limits to you, and, like the naughty toddler you are, you are not allowed to change yourself. If you want your wet or messy butt changed, you will have to track down one of the nurses in my labor and delivery unit and convince them to change you, understood?"

The young woman had no idea how to respond to that. Her eyes darted between the document in her hand and the bulky adult diaper being held by the nurse. Thoughts of being fired and her career being ruined darted through her head. She couldn't afford to pay back her student loans if she wasn't working as a doctor.

Backed into a corner, Dr. Bun did the only thing she could. She accepted Nurse Angela's offer.

Dr. Bun immediately found herself changed into the first of what would be many diapers by the nurse in the locker room. The next few weeks were full of humiliation and torment for the doctor as she adjusted to her knew position as the nursing units pet toddler, but, eventually her work days fell into a comfortable pattern.

She would use the restroom just prior to leaving work to minimize the risk of messy 'accidents.' She'd report to work where one of the nurses would help her get dressed for her shift. Then, she would proceed with her day as normal, seeking out a nurse for a change when she felt her diaper get too full.

Yes, it was humiliating to have the waistband of her scrubs pulled back or her crotch squeezed by another woman to have her diaper checked. Yes, it sucked laying on a locker room bench while her ass was wiped by someone she considered her subordinate. However, the human mind was resilient and could get used to anything once it happened enough.

Plus, her new situation has some benefits. She was getting praised by her supervisors for how well she worked with the nursing staff. Plus, not having to run to the bathroom all the time gave her more freedom to care for her patients. After a month as the hospital's diapered doctor, Dr. Bun would actually describe things as going well.

Nurse Angela was happy to see Dr. Bun's turn around, but noticed she was starting to get cocky again. The positive reviews from her supervisors lead her to once again become increasingly condescending towards the nursing staff. So, to remind the young doctor of her position, the nurse made Dr. Bun another offer she couldn't refuse.

That's how the young, professional woman with a medical degree found herself here. Nurse Angela has thrown a special, team building party at her home for all of her fellow labor and delivery nurses. The young doctor was also invited as entertainment.

When Dr. Bun arrived, she was stripped of her adult clothes. She was diapered, put in an childish shirt with padded mittens, and had a pacifier slipped in her mouth. She was instructed she was nothing more than a baby for the evening, not allowed to speak, walk, or care for herself in anyway. Worst of all, a suppository was shoved up her cute little bottom.

A baby blanket was laid in the middle of Nurse Angela's living room and she was instructed to stay on it. As her co-workers arrived and began to surround her, cooing at her like she was an actual baby, the babified doctor's stomach began to rumble and cramp. Once the last guest arrived, she couldn't take it anymore. Tears of embarrassment running down her face, Dr. Bun got onto all fours, sticking her diapered ass into the air as a wet fart escaped her butt cheeks.

Nurse Angela looked down and smiled. She drew everyone's attention to the scene. "Look everyone, I think the baby's about to make a stinky for us!"

Dr. Bun's coworkers laughed as they watched her lose control. Closing her eyes and grunting loudly, Dr. Bun pushed out a huge load of crap into her bulky diaper. She closed her eyes as she did it, pretending she was anywhere but here. While she had messed herself before, and many of these women had in fact changed one of her messy diapers, it had never been so public and so humiliated. The nurses cheered the doctor on as she debased herself like an infant for enjoyment.

When the doctor was finished, Nurse Angela beant down and whispered in her ear. "Remember doctor, no matter how good you are at your job or how many accolades you receive, to us, you will never be more than a stupid, untrustworthy little baby. Now sit in your mess and play with your toys. It's going to be a long night."

Dr. Bun could only do as she was told, suck on her pacifier and cry as she came to terms with the fact that she'd be these nurses plaything for the rest of her life.

[izzabela]

dost thou do combinations? i present thee with;

soapgaz x reader

messy boy whose kept on a leash by handler kyle only letting him loose to mess with a pretty thing (you)

MDNI - perv!reader, established!soapgaz x fem!reader, threesome, virgin!reader, innocent!reader, perhaps coercion? TA!soapgaz x failing!scholarship-award!reader

there's nothing worse than the world ending- actually, there is.

losing your scholarship because of two classes. not only that, but being so close to graduation you can just feel the diploma already in your hands, these two classes were going to kill you if you couldn't lock in.

one of them is a non-pathway-related course, military conflict 1421. where you can never understand why a certain conflicts cause a war or America to come in to "save the day". after all, it's not illegal if the military does it.

the other was organic chem (need i say more?).

both of your classes had TAs though, and no one really talked to them (good enough for you, you need all the help you could get).

approaching the TA for mil-con was a lot easier for you than expected.

"Kyle Garrick," he introduced with a kind smile, chocolate eyes peeking through the slits of his eyes as he offered a handshake. "everyone calls me Gaz though."

you're not good with people, much less boys, and you're surprised that it was so easy to talk to him.

after lectures every tuesday and thursday, you two would have the office of your mil-con's professor to yourselves. it didn't make you think any different, after all your grades were slowly going up!

but sometimes he'd leave lingering touches after you got a question right. other times, he'd leave you little kisses on your fingers and in the palm of your hand.

you scored a 100 on your latest test, and he gave you a sloppy kiss on your shoulder. (he's just being nice though, you think).

then there's the TA for o-chem. a stark contrast to the calm, collected, and charming man that was Gaz.

"John Mactavish," he barks, pearly whites on full display. "e'ryone cols me Soap tho'."

despite the obnoxious laughs and boisterous voice, he was a damn good tutor. he broke down why certain chemicals looked the way they did, how to draw their structures, etc etc.

but every tutoring session, mondays and wednesdays, he pulls you in his lap. "Ta help with reinf'rcin' the learnin'," he said, pecking your neck.

and i mean, if Gaz did it, then who's to say the other TAs didn't? besides, you were really soaking everything he was teaching! (or maybe it's your cunt lapping up the dampness of his pants).

his rewards were great too: As and Bs on homework got you kisses on your cheek and face, perfect scores on quizzes earned you lap-grinding, and perfect scores on tests allowed makeout sessions.

by the time finals roll in, crash, and pass, you saved your scholarship and grades! graduating suma cum laude, you walked the stage with pride as you accepted your diploma (the boys were watching, equally as proud).

and who's to say the celebrations needed to end there? you got a text as soon as the ceremony concluded from an unknown number.

Congrats love, we're so proud of you

^Gaz btw

gave me yer number, remember?

you're not entirely sure if you did, but it's plausible since they were the key to your success. ensue the long text chain, he invited you over to their place (their? maybe it was a typo, you thought).

knocking on the door, it's slightly ajar as you hear the ambient noise of the tv mindlessly drone on in the living room. you don't want to be a bother, but Gaz hadn't come get you from the door.

besides, it was open!

as you walk in, the sight of Soap, your beloved o-chem TA was grinding on Gaz's clothed cock, fully naked, while Gas has him choked and smirking like a fucking maniac. You watch as Gaz spanks his arse til it's beet red, Soap's eyes rolling so far back he's seeing stars, watching his hips move automatically.

it should disgust you, tear your eyes away from a clearly intimate moment between lovers. except, you can't help but feel hot, bothered, and unforgivingly wet downstairs.

Soap's head moves to the side a bit and notices your little figure outside the door, squirming in place as you look equally short of breath. he turns to Gaz and motions over to the door, and Garrick....

"Here she is, our pretty graduate," he croons, and you follow his voice like it's a siren's song.

you're not sure when you got your shoes off, or when you dropped the flowers and grad cap, but all you know is that it smells like heaven in here.

and you don't want to leave.

Gaz fills you in on how he's just punishing Soap for all the naughtiness he's put you through this semester. something about his rewards systems for your on-on-one tutoring.

"He can be touched, jus' not allowed t' touch back'," he whispers into your ear, taking your wrist and guiding it to touch his exposed pecs, hard nipples, and pickled skin lined with goosebumps.

you're not sure when you got undressed, Gaz is surprisingly good at being thorough and quick, but warm hands roam your body while equally warm lips pepper you with kisses.

"ach, bonnie please," Soap begs, and something inside you begins to trail to his leaking cock. he tries to reach to your head, but Gaz's got your neck first,one arm there and the other over your belly to keep you away from whatever plans he has.

"no touching, dog," Gaz commands, and Soap whimpers (you swear you can see dog ears on his head go flat).

you meekly ask if you can, your fingers missing his cock by a centimeter, and Gaz decides, "why not? been good for us all sem."

and that's enough for you to begin stroking him, watching Soap's face warble into pleasure and frustration. yes, he's getting his fix of a handjob in, but it's not fun when he can't touch. so why not help him out with your mouth?

while Gaz is busy worshipping your body, your mouth sinks over his cock like a powerful magnet. the smell (is this what men smell like?), the taste, the sensation of your throat getting stimulated... is this what you've been missing?

asyou bob up and down, Gaz whistles, patting your ass like a good pup. spreading your cheeks, he sees your dripping cunt and feasts like a thanksgiving turkey. the noises are sinful, but the ones coming out of your mouth and onto Johnny's cock are equally as awful.

do all tutors do this after tutoring? if so, you'll be in tutoring all the time!

and when Gaz is finally done with his meal, mouth and nose covered in your lovely juices, he grabs a condom to go over his cock. you leave Johnny's cock and turn around in surprise.

"'s alright," he coos into your mouth, tip just egging your sloppy cunt. "focus now, love, i got'cha..." and when he says "got'cha," all the choirs were singing to rejoice his coming home.

you fit so well for him, his cock just burying itself nice and deep. but you're also incredibly, fucking tight.

"w-wait!" you cry out, but it falls onto deaf ears as his cock makes its mark inside of you. hitting your spot so well, symphonies left your mouth as the pounding of your cunt directed the salacious moans leaving you.

"Christ, Gaz. Think ta lass has no' don this bef'r" his accent thickening at the thought of you being unclaimed, unmarked- free for the taking.

and when you hum in reply, eyes prickling with tears, Johnny chuckles while Gaz snickers behind you. Gaz hushes you though, telling you it's okay, and that they'll take good care of you (obviously, he's got his cock in you, so who's to say they won't take care of the rest?)

as Gaz is hitting your spot so well, symphonies leaving your mouth as the pounding of your cunt directed the salacious moans leaving you.

all of this made Johnny harder. his pretty lass, getting fucked by his best mate and boyfriend, watching her tits bounce up n' down n' up n' down, and Gaz's gaze dark and hooded as he left marks, bites, and ownership over you.

Gaz then pushes your head onto Johnny's cock, finally giving him reprieve for being such a good pup and being so patient. he's able to put his hands on you, ofrcing you to go the pace he needs, while your throat can just barely keep up.

you can feel their hips snap faster, the pace in their fucking grow needier as their highs came closer to them (insane, since they thought this was heaven already). and of course, they can't leave you behind, so Gaz goes to rub your pretty pearl while Soap's caressing your cheek, saying nothing but pretty praises to get you to squeeze onto his boyfriend tighter.

you squeal on Johnny's cock, and the vibrations on his cock make him cum immediately. Gaz can see his man spent, so why not match?

"c'mon, pretty, let's see all that hard work pay 'ff hm?" he chides into your ear, but you can only muffle out hums and hmms in response for being stuffed full in that talented mouth.

you're bucking your hips though, which is great because Gaz adjusts his pace and slams into you perfectly. as he does so, Johnny manages to sneak past your shoulder, bringing Gaz's face to his as their tongues collide and lips meet.

you're not sure what got to you first, your tutors making out so desperately right next to you, or the fact that they're making out while your clit gets stimmed to infinity and beyond. either way, you've come so hard you're at the edge of the universe.

"go on love, i kno' yer achin' fer it," Soap chides, kissing your cheek and wiping your tears simultaneously as Gaz bucks into you harder and harder and harder until-

"Christ!" he cries, staying inside as he empties himself into the thin (but powerful) plastic wrap, trying to get a feel of what it would be like dumping everything of his inside of you.

"Happy grad, dove," they whisper simultaneously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that was a shit end and i'm so ready to be stuffed like a turkey today!

[greppelheks]

I need to find a way to do the things I used to love doing without them draining me. I miss the person I used to be, but I don't miss how bad I felt when I was that person. But only choosing peace and quiet ain't it. I was just out for dinner with two old friends and I got a glimpse of how my life used to be, and I miss it. Deeply.

[teaboot]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[dearieshima]

WANT

✦SUMMARY

╰┈➤ Choso, your big-dick, virgin boyfriend, had never ventured beyond the fervor of deep kisses. His unfamiliarity with human intimacy, coupled with the fear of losing himself in the overwhelming rush of release, kept him tethered to restraint. He wants to overcome his fear and have a mind-blowing experience with you and he needs your help to guide him through.

"Please, please," he panted incoherently, his words a mix of desperate pleading and mindless begging. "Please don't stop... I'm... I'm right there... so close... please..."

✦C.W

╰┈➤ virgin!choso, submissive!choso, dominate!reader, established relationship, hand job (m!receiving), kissing the tip, crying, soft sex kinda, praise, 3586+ words, orgasmophobia, AFAB reader, comfort

The heat between you two was electric as your lips locked in a passionate battle for dominance. Your bodies were pressed close, hearts racing with exhilaration. As the kissing grew more intense, you found yourself tiring from bending on your toes. Your thighs ached, crying out for a change in position.

Slowly, you lowered yourself, allowing your body to sink onto Choso's lap. As you did, you felt his hardness pressing instantly against you through the fabric of his sweats. He hissed at the sudden contact, his hands gripping your tights with a firm grasp.

You began to leave a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses along the column of his neck and down his collarbone. All the while, you grinded your hips against his, relishing the delicious friction. Choso groaned, tossing his head back off the edge of the couch, exposing more of his throat to your eager lips and tongue.

But suddenly, he sat up straight as a board, his back rigid against the cushions. At the same time his chin clashed with your forehead, his hands clenched your thighs, lifting them slightly off him as if to create some distance between your bodies.

He was panting, his mouth wide and his breaths shuddering. "Not yet..." he said, his voice a low, husky whisper. His eyes were dark with desire, and his hands gripped your thighs tightly as he held you in place. "Fuck..."

You raised an eyebrow, concern flickering in your eyes as you slipped off his lap. "Is everything alright?" You pressed a hand to your forehead, your own breath still shallow and uneven. You asked not just because his chin likely throbbed like your head did, but because of the suddenness with which he had ended things, like you were hot coal thrown on his body.

Choso nodded, his eyes squeezed shut as he took in deep, steadying breaths. His hands clenched together in a bundle in his lap, guarding his obvious arousal. Then they unfolded and Choso bent down, his hands now guarding his face in embarrassment. "Yeah," he rasped, his voice rough. "Just... need a moment. Can you turn off the music?"

You reached for the remote, your movements quick and deliberate, and silenced the T.V, the sensual ambient music fading away. The room was now filled with the sounds of both of your ragged breathing.

He straightened and looked back up at you with lust-clouded eyes. "Sorry…” he began, his eyes averting, “I didn't expect you to... get so aggressive," he whispered.

"I’m sorry," you whispered sincerely, concern etched on your features. "Should we stop for a moment? I won't be offended if you need a break, or if you want to stop all together."

Choso shook his head and then chuckled weakly, still trying to catch his breath. "No... it's okay. You just..."

He paused, his hands loosening their grip on his sweats. He took another deep breath and looked up at you with a gentle smile. "You just caught me off guard, that's all."

Choso, your big-dick, virgin boyfriend, had never ventured beyond the fervor of deep kisses, not even tempted during in the intimacy of shared showers. His unfamiliarity with human intimacy, coupled with the fear of losing himself in the overwhelming rush of release, kept him tethered to restraint. The idea of surrender, of being swept away by ecstasy, haunted him. He feared that in offering you all of him, laying his soul bare, he might unravel in ways that would make you turn away.

Yet, beneath that fear, a deep yearning stirred within him. He longed to share those tender, unspoken moments of intimacy with you. He had watched scenes of lovers consumed by their lust, eyes ablaze with passion. Choso wondered how they could give so much, how they could surrender fully and still be loved for their vulnerability, how their eyes could carry so much love and at the same time a burning hunger to devour each other. He ached to know that with you, to feel your skin against his as you moved together in perfect sync, to look in each other’s eyes in worship and at the same time, think of how much you wanted to see the other crumble. He imagined looking into your eyes in that moment, seeing the reflection of love and desire, wanting to watch you break apart, knowing he was the cause.

The thought sent his heart racing - the idea of tracing slow kisses along the curve of your neck, feeling the softness of your body beneath his fingertips, hearing your breath hitch in pleasure. Choso wanted nothing more than to make love to you, share whispered confessions meant only for your ears. But his fear stood like an unmovable wall, holding him back, uncertain if he could ever give in to that kind of surrender.

But tonight, he’s willing to climb that wall, just as long as you scaled it with him.

"How about this," you whispered, your breath tickling his ear. "How about you tell me how I should help you? Tell me what you like."

Choso’s eyes widened, pupils widening like ink spreading in water, his breath steadying as your words sank in. A soft flush bloomed across his cheeks, warm and unbidden, like the first light of dawn catching fire in the sky. If you didn’t know better, you might’ve mistaken it for the stirring of his blood technique.

Choso swallowed hard, trying to gather his thoughts. He took a moment to think, swallowing heavily as he tried to put his thoughts into words. "I... I don't really know," he admitted sheepishly. "I've never done anything like this before, so I don't really know what I like."

"We've kissed before, and touched a little. Did you like anything I did before?"

Choso nodded, his blush deepening. "I... I liked it when you were on top of me," he admitted, his voice slightly hoarse. "And when you... when you kissed my neck."

With a graceful motion, you swung your leg over Choso’s lap, settling into place as your gaze locked with his, deep and smoldering. His hands found your hips as if drawn by an unspoken force, fingers curling gently against your skin, the connection between you as natural as breathing. "Do you want me to kiss your neck?"

Choso nodded, his breathing growing heavier as he imagined it. "Yes," he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath, thick with yearning. "Please," he added softly, the word trembling in the air, as though without it, you might deny him what he so quietly craved.

Slowly, teasingly, you leaned in and brushed your soft lips against the sensitive flesh of his neck. Choso shuddered, his hands gripping your hips as a soft gasp escaped his parted lips. You continued your assault, trailing open-mouthed kisses along his throat, tasting the salt of his skin. "Don't stop," Choso whispered urgently, his voice thick with desire.

You followed the unspoken rhythm, lips grazing softly down to his collarbone, leaving a trail of warmth in your wake. Your mouth lingered at his throat, brushing the delicate curve of his Adam’s apple as it dipped with a quiet tremor of pleasure. With a slow, deliberate path back upward, you paused to let your tongue dance over the quickened beat of his pulse. Choso’s breath escaped in a quiet, low groan, his head falling back in a gesture of blissful surrender, as if yielding entirely to the moment between you.

"You're being so good for me," you murmured against his throat, nipping lightly. "I love how responsive you are."

"More," he breathed, his voice shaky. "I want... I want more."

"What do you want me to do?" you asked, your voice soft and inviting.

Choso's hands gripped your thighs tighter, his body tensing. "I want... I want you to keep touching me," he said, his voice trembling a little. "I want you to keep making me feel good."

"Where do you want me to make you feel good, Choso?"

Choso's breathing grew ragged as he considered your question. "Everywhere," he said hoarsely. "I want you to touch me... everywhere."

As he spoke, his hands moved from your thighs to your hips, his fingers tracing patterns against your hips. "I want to feel your hands all over me," he added, his voice strained with need.

Your fingers trailed from his neck, down the center of his chest, following the contours of his muscles. "Like this?"

His own hands flex on your hips, fingers digging in slightly as if to anchor himself. The air between you is charged, heavy with anticipation. Choso's chest rises and falls rapidly, his skin flushed and gleaming in the low light. He looks utterly debauched already, and you've barely even touched him. "Y-yes," he gasped. "God, yes. That feels... that feels good."

As you run your fingers along his chest, you can feel the warmth emanating from his skin, like a furnace burning beneath your touch. His muscles twitch and ripple under your fingertips, responding to your gentle caresses. You can sense the power and strength within him, and it's utterly captivating. "Do you want me to continue going down?"

Choso's heart rate quickened as your question sunk in, and he swallowed heavily, his throat bobbing. "Yes," he whispered, his voice ragged. "Please, yes."

Your hands move lower, tracing the contours of his abs, feeling the way they tighten and relax as his breathing becomes more labored. You can hear his heart pounding, the rhythmic thumping echoing in your ears like a primal drumbeat. It drums fast, and you have a hunch to where the extra blood flow is traveling to.

When your fingers skim over the waistband of his pants, Choso lets out a choked moan, hips canting upwards in a silent plea. His hands gripped your hips tighter, his body trembling in anticipation when your forefinger hooked both his sweats and boxers.

"Color?"

Choso shuddered as your finger teased the edge of his pants, and he took a moment to catch his breath before responding. "Green," he said, his voice raspy but determined. "Definitely green. Please, don't stop."

You sank to your knees, your hands caressing his thighs as you parted his legs. With deliberate slowness, you parted his legs, revealing the bulge beneath his pants. Your mouth watered in anticipation as you peeled away his restrictive garments, unveiling his rigid, pulsating cock. It stood proud and erect, a deep shade of purple at the engorged tip, the foreskin pushed back, a clear sign of its untouched, virgin state. You noted he was uncut, which also fueled the testament that nobody had ever ventured near his dick before.

Droplets of pre-cum glistened at the tip, hanging like droplets from a leaf, beckoning you to catch them with your tongue. Your heart raced as you leaned in close to adjust yourself, your warm breath teasing the sensitive head of his cock. The salty musk of his arousal filled your nostrils. You couldn't resist any longer. Your tongue darted out, catching one of the droplets, savoring the taste. The sensation of your velvety tongue on his hypersensitive skin caused Choso to gasp, his hips bucking instinctively in a whine. After, you leaned in close, your warm breath ghosting over his skin as you placed a single, feather-light kiss on the very tip.

His hands gripped the couch cushions on either side of him, as if clinging to something to anchor himself. "Color?" you asked softly, your voice gentle and soothing.

Choso took another shaky breath, his chest heaving. "Green," he repeated, his voice hoarse. "I-I'm okay. Just... please keep going."

His hands remained clenched tight around the couch cushions, his knuckles turning white.

"Are you sure?" you asked, reaching out to gently touch his hand. "You seem so tense."

Choso swallowed, his cheeks flooding with a deep blush as his thumb circled nervously at your hand. "I... I'm just a little nervous," he admitted softly. "But... but I want this. I want you," he added, his voice a strained whisper.

Listening to him, you let go of his hand and snuggled up between his thighs, your breasts gently pressing against the soft cushions of the couch. Your fingers, like curious tendrils, began to snake their way down his rigid shaft, tracing the bold, pulsing veins that ran along its length.

Choso let out a sharp gasp, his body involuntary jerking at your touch. His eyes squeezed shut, and he panted heavily, drawing in deep, shuddering breaths until he could steady himself enough to speak. "Y/N..." he breathed your name, his voice a mixture of awe and desire. "That... that feels good..."

"You look like you're about to explode."

Choso's breathing grew even more ragged, his chest heaving erratically as you continued to touch him. "I... I feel like I am," he admitted, his voice strained. "But I don't want to… I don’t want to make a mess…"

He grips the edge of the couch tightly, his knuckles turning white from the force. You can see the conflict in his eyes. "If I keep going, you're going to," you say, stopping your hands. "It's okay to let go, Choso. I promise you'll feel better, and I'll be gentle."

Choso took a couple more deep breaths, his body visibly shaking with the effort to hold himself together. His eyes met yours, a mixture of fear and desire in them.

"I... I don't want to embarrass myself," he said, his voice low and vulnerable. "I want to make you feel good too... I don't want to fail."

"You won't embarrass yourself because it's just me and you," You said, gently. "Making you feel good makes me feel good."

Choso's gaze held a mixture of vulnerability and yearning, and you could see the relief wash over him as he nodded. His voice, a soft, husky whisper, trembled ever so slightly as he spoke, "Just... just go slow, please."

Complying with his request, you allowed your hands to reclaim their position, your fingers tracing languid circles around his hardening length. Your fingers danced along his shaft, tracing the pulsing veins and ridges. You could feel him throb and twitch beneath your touch, his breaths coming faster now. Gently, you swirled your thumb around the sensitive head, smearing the glistening precum in slow, teasing circles. Emboldened by his whimpers, you wrapped your fingers around him fully, stroking up and down in a steady rhythm. Your other hand came up to fondle his heavy balls, rolling them gently in your palm.

Choso's head fell back against the edge of the couch, his eyes pinched shut. A deep, guttural moan escaped his lips, and his body trembled. "Oh God," he panted, his head falling back onto the couch.

"Shh," You said, "it's alright, Choso."

Choso shuddered, his hands clenching the edge of the couch even tighter than before. "I... I can't..." he breathed, his voice ragged. "I don't know how..."

His body tensed even more, the muscles in his thighs trembling. Sweat beaded on his brow, and his breaths came in sharp gasps. "I... I’m going to..." his voice trailed off, too overwhelmed to continue.

"You don't have to think about it, just trust your body." You whispered, your breath hot against his skin.

Your hands moved faster, stroking and squeezing with expert precision. Choso's body writhed beneath you, his muscles tensing and releasing in a delicious rhythm. His breaths came in short, sharp gasps, and his eyes rolled back in ecstasy.

"Please, please," he panted incoherently, his words a mix of desperate pleading and mindless begging. "Please don't stop... I'm... I'm right there... so close... please..."

His fingers dug deeper into the cushions, leaving small indentations behind. His breathing grew more ragged, and you could feel the tremors running through his body. You slowed your movements, teasing him mercilessly, watching as he struggled to maintain control.

"Y... Y/NNN..." he croaked, your name coming out slurred in his mouth, drunk on the feeling you were giving him.

"Don't beg me," You said, gently as my hands continued their speed. "I can't make you release. If you want it, you need to let go yourself.”

Choso's body was taut, his legs trembling from the effort he was exerting to keep control. He took a shuddering breath, opening his eyes to look at you, tears of frustration and pleasure brimming in them.

"It’s going to be okay."

A bead of sweat trickled down Choso's temple as he drew in a labored, quivering breath. His chest heaved, the muscles straining with the effort of restraint. His eyes, heavy-lidded and dark with desire, flickered shut, surrendering to the insatiable hunger that had been gnawing at him. He trusted you, and he trusted his body.

His head fell back against the plush, velvety cushions of the couch, the softness cradling his skull as he succumbed to the tidal wave of carnal bliss. His right hand slammed on his mouth just as the dam within him burst, unleashing a primal, guttural moan that reverberated through the room.

Choso's hips bucked off the couch, his body arching in a frenzied, involuntary response to the euphoria coursing through his veins. Warm, sticky semen gushed forth, painting the air with strings of rampant lust. Some of the thick, pearly essence landed on your face, tracing a hot, wet trail down your cheek before you could tilt your head. Your tongue darted out, tasting the salty favor of Choso's essence.

As the final, shuddering spasms wracked his body, the last of his release coated his abdomen, your fingers traced the path of the spilled cum, smearing it across his skin in a sensual caress.

“Good job,” you whispered softly, your words a gentle anchor, bringing him back from where he had drifted.

Choso's body, slick with sweat and the remnants of his climax, trembled beneath your touch. His chest rose and fell in deep, ragged breaths, signaling the aftershocks of his orgasm. His eyes, still closed, fluttered open, meeting yours with a hazy, satisfied gaze.

Choso let out a long, shuddering sigh as he collapsed back onto the couch, his body spent and trembling. He looked dazed, his eyes half open and his breaths still shallow.

His chest rose and fell rapidly with each breath he took, his body still recovering from its release. "Wow," he breathed, his voice a little raspy. "That was... that was..."

His eyes darted to you, as if trying to find the words to express what he'd just experienced.

They widened, unabashedly taking in the sight of his cum in your hair as you cleaned yourself, the crimson hue staining his cheeks blazed in a vivid blush. His voice, still rough, trembled as he stammered, "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean for... for that to happen on... on you."

You smiled, the corners of your lips curling upward as you crawled back onto his lap, your body pressing against his, igniting a spark of desire between you. Choso shifted, pushing himself into a sitting position, his fingers raking through his disheveled hair in a mixture of embarrassment and lust. "It's okay," you reassured him, the warmth in your tone inviting. "I liked it, and you were enjoying yourself so it's okay."

Choso's blush deepened, spreading to the tips of his ears as he admitted, "I... I did enjoy myself." His voice quivered, the intensity of his confession palpable. "A lot. Like...a lot a lot."

"That's good," you murmured, your voice a soft caress against Choso's ear, as you eased yourself onto his lap. The heat of his body enveloped you, and you could feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat. Your fingers threaded through his hair, each stroke a tender exploration, eliciting a low, contented sigh from the man beneath you.

His strong arms encircled your waist, drawing you closer, their warmth a comforting embrace. Choso leaned into your touch, his body yielding to the gentle pressure of your fingertips, the tension in his muscles dissolving like snow under a spring sun.

"I don't think I've ever felt so..." he began, struggling to find the right word. "So... spent. But in a good way."

Your eyes met his in a brief, intimate glance, and you offered a small, knowing smile. "Do you feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted, if only for a moment?"

Choso considered your words, his brow furrowing before he shook his head.

Your head tilted to the side, an innocent quirk to your expression as you gazed up at him, the flicker of curiosity in your eyes. "Hm? Why?"

He returned your gaze, his own eyes now smoldering with a newfound hunger, the fire of lust consuming the depths of his gaze. The intensity of it shot a shiver down your spine.

"I... I feel relaxed," he began, his voice slow and deliberate, "but I also feel... I feel like I need more. You haven't cum yet."

"I’m okay, Cho. Tonight was just about you."

Choso's head shook from side to side. "No," he said huskily. His fingers drawn circles on your waist as his hold on them tightened. He looked at you, his pupils widening and a blush settling in his face. "I want to make you feel good too. I don't want to be the only one to feel this."

part 2

[miniimight]

"S'NOT MY BIRTHDAY..." silly girl, thinking you need an occasion in order to be spoiled by them!

with gojo, nanami x fem!reader

notes trying out this writing thing again lol

in previous relationships, you had to deal with the bare minimum. a generic greeting card on valentine's day, a bunch of snacks for your birthday, and a necklace for christmas because 'that's what girls like, right?'

now, with him, it's different. he has no qualms about getting you anything your eyes linger on, no matter the price. he had so much money, he picked things up and swiped his card without so much as a glance at the cost. it baffled you sometimes.

it happened was early on in your relationship. you then quickly learned to just sit back and let him spoil you!!

GOJO

satoru's fingers were laced with yours as he swung your connected arms between you. he inhaled deeply, looking up at the high ceiling of the mall. "today's a good a day as any to throw some cash, don't you think baby?"

you giggle and squeeze his hand. "one or two things should be okay." that's what you budgeted for, anyway.

he rolled his eyes, scolding you for your tiny imagination before allowing you to pull him along to your favorite stores.

it wasn't long before your eyes spotted the store you loved but couldn't afford. your stare was glued to the window display, all the cute tops and pants and bags and shoes and bracelets and...

when he felt your steps slow, satoru glanced at you. you were laser focused on the clothing store—naturally, he sharply turned towards it.

"hey!" you squeaked at the sudden change of direction, and you hurried to match his pace again. "toru??"

"i saw you looking, baby, why didn't you just say you wanted to check it out?" he teased.

you looked over to the side, embarrassed. "i... i don't wanna tempt myself, cus i know i'll gaslight myself into buying something."

he narrowed his eyes, not in scorn but in confusion. "who said you were buying anything?"

"huh?" you chirped, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

gojo stared blankly at you. you really were adorable, thinking he wouldn't spend his last dime on whatever you wanted, regardless of how trivial it was. a smile pulled at his lips.

"my sweet girl," he cooed. "my sweet, slow girl..."

you gasped indignantly and poked satoru's side, earning a giggle from him. "slow?!"

"obviously, i'll by whatever you want, silly." he tugged you towards the entrance of the store.

"but..." you resisted his pull. "it's not my birthday or anything..."

huh? he pouted. "as if i need a special reason to get you stuff."

"but..." heat creeped up your neck as you reveled in the unfamiliar feeling of being spoiled. something inside you told you that he was just being nice and was waiting for you to shut him down, save him the expenses. "it's not fair, is it? i didn't get you anything so far..."

his face fell slightly as he pulled you away from the busy traffic of the moving crowds. satoru pulled your chin up to face him. "i dunno what's running through that pretty head of yours, but answer me this, okay?"

you nod.

"you want it?" he gestured towards the store.

you hesitated, eyes straying from his face. he quickly squished your cheeks, causing your eyes to widen and snap to his. "—!"

"don't overthink it, pretty girl, just tell me."

"yesfh." you answer dejectedly, muffled against his hands.

"then you'll have it." he told you. "i want you to have anything and everything you say you want. i wanna buy it for you. and being able to hear you say 'my boyfriend got this for me' is all i need in return." he grinned cheekily.

you pouted, looking unbelievably cute in his eyes. he despises the partners of your past for leading you astray, thinking you needed to do something special in order to be appreciated. don't worry, he'll fix that in no time.

he pecked your pursed lips before hugging you. "okay?"

you giggle. "okay."

"yay!! now let's go!!"

by the end of the day, he had to call ichiji to help carry all the bags to the car. he was so proud of you!

NANAMI

kento was your shadow as you glided through the store, picking up things and setting them down.

"oh, this is so cute!" you squealed holding up a tee for him to see.

he smiled, more because of your excited expression than the t-shirt. "it is. you should get it."

you hummed, in thought. your hands drifted over the material, picking up the tag before inhaling sharply. "nah, another time."

he frowned. you'd done this at every store so far, picking up things you said you liked but leaving them behind. he was bewildered. "but... you like it, do you not?"

you winced, hoping this topic wouldn't come up. "i do! it's just the price. out of my budget, you know?" you said, trying to be light. you burned with discomfort. might as well just say you're poor.

kento frowned. "oh..."

"yeah."

you quickly turned away, avoiding the confused look on his face.

"y/n." he called you.

"...yes?" you glanced behind you, seeing him standing over the shirts.

"are you under the impression that you would be paying?" he asked.

you blinked. "oh?" yes, you were, but you were surprised to learn that he had the opposite understanding. "well... yeah."

he frowned, disappointed with himself. "i'm sorry. i didn't intend to make you feel that way."

you stepped closer, rubbing his arm soothingly. "what are you talking about?" you laughed softly. "you didn't make me feel any kind of way. i'm not upset, if that's what you're getting at. i never expected you to spend your money on me."

his frown only deepened. oh, how he has failed. "why not?"

you faltered. how did you manage to make it worse? "i'm not sure i understand..."

kento shook his head. "have you been thinking you'd be using your own money for purchases? this whole time?"

"um..."

"sweetheart, i'm paying. for everything, at all times." he refused to hear anything else, cutting you off when you opened your mouth to retort. "we'll have to circle back to the stores we previously visited."

it was your turn to frown. "kento, it won't be my birthday for a few months! you don't have to get me anything right now."

"what does your birthday have to do with anything?" he asked, genuinely confused. "i don't mean to interrogate you, my love, but i think i am the one who doesn't understand."

"you'd get me anything i asked for?" you shoot back, spelling it out for him. "for no reason?"

"for one reason," he replied. "simply because you want it. it'd make you happy."

warmth spread across your face. "that's two reasons." you mumbled.

he clicked his tongue, exacerbating your bashfulness when he pulled you into his side. he kissed your forehead. "you make me laugh, y/n. i was so confused as to why you weren't getting anything. surely that's not how you usually shop."

he bought that shirt for you, as well as the many things you thought were cute at all the stores you stepped foot in. now, you shop without any hesitations.

© miniimight ! thanks for reading <3

[eff-plays]

Ok so I watched the interview with Stephen Rooney, Astarion's writer, and here are some highlights. (I'm an aspiring writer and current game design student who wants to write for games so I'm sorry if some of these insights aren't as interesting to you as they are to me <3)

He calls Astarion his "horrible little vampire boy"

He loves seeing the fandom around Astarion<3

He did write other characters in the game, but mostly NPCs surrounding Astarion or his storyline, so it mostly revolved around Astarion

Astarion is not as connected to other companions/Origins as, for example, Lae'zel and Shadowheart, or Wyll and Karlach are to each other, but he is still reactive to their stories, even if it's just to stand off to the side and laugh when something terrible happens

He had a clear sense of where Astarion's story would start and end, but it got "muddy in the middle", but those are also moments where the best ideas come from

They write from the general idea that every character has one "good" and one "evil" ending, in order to give the player choice. RIP Ascendant apologists :(

According to Stephen, two of the most important aspects of Astarion's character (to keep consistent when bringing him to Idle Champions, at least) is that he enjoys violence, but is also fun about it

"He has a certain appreciation for violence, I guess? A bit of a murdery streak. [...] He's a vampire, he's all about blood, and he's all about, kind of, those darker sides of humanity. [..] But at the same time, he is ... He is really fun, he's really fun to write, he's really fun to have in your party, and it's very important for me that that is also represented."

"He's gonna stab you, but will have a smile on his face as he does it? I mean, I dunno. That's kind of him in a nutshell."

Larian would not have allowed for Astarion to be a typical brooding Dracula type, and there were scenes that were shot down for not being original enough

The main thing about Astarion was trying to get a "sense of fun." It would be easy to write a character that was very unlikable, and they absolutely did not want to do that

Rooney says Astarion is consistently terrible throughout the game and awful in a whole lot of ways, but he also needed to be charming enough that you could tolerate his presence and wanted him around

Rooney also had a lot of input on Astarion's stats (meaning the 10 Charisma is probalby 100% intentional)

He also had input on how certain lines should be delivered, even though the writers didn't directly work with voice actors

The way Astarion moves and poses is "all Neil"

Apparently, Neil Newbon worked on the character for years and Rooney did not speak to him once, though his voice work did influence how Astarion's lines were written and it became a "feedback loop" (Possible context for "ONLY SLIGHTLY, NEIL")

There were no points where a line delivery drastically changed Astarion's writing; rather it was a constant, slow evolution

However, there was one very spoilery moment where Neil gave such emotion to some "basic" lines that it fundamentally changed the scene (WHAT IS IT OMG)

It's difficult to balance approval, as you don't want to straight up write a monster. Every character needs to have some humanity in them. So if it comes to leaving the party, it needed to be the result of something central to said character. They wanted to be mindful of situations that would cause actual rifts between characters. (I assume this is why most generic disapprovals/approvals are +/- 1 or 2, while character-related ones give +/-5 or more)

However, as they don't write straight up horrible people/monsters, it doesn't come up as often as one might think.

The interviewer makes a point about how characters like Astarion and Lae'zel are good examples of how to play "evil" characters, as they are maybe not the best people but are still eager and willing to stick around the other party members

They worked to make sure the characters would work as a group, no matter the configuration of the group. The characters needed to be on the same path, even if they don't always agree or walk that path the same way.

Stephen Rooney is very proud of the "climactic" scene of Astarion's story. (AS HE SHOULD BE.) He even had to step away from the computer and have an emotional moment. Me too, man.

He's also "extremely pleased" that there's a point where you can punch Astarion in the face. "Actually, that one might be my favorite part" A MAN OF THE PEOPLE!!

Stephen Rooney's tip on what specific thing you should try out with Astarion: When he's trying to get a "sneaky nibble" at night, you should "probably" let him bite you. Way ahead of you there, sir.

No discussion about Astarion's romance unfortunately, but that's that!

[leclarifies]

letters (MV33)

꒰ max verstappen x childhoodbestfriend! reader ꒱

synopsis┊it was confusing, even though you were continents apart, you never understood why max never responded to your letters, until you attend the belgium gp to finally get the answers you were looking for. inspired by the prompt, "why did you never reply to my letters?" "you wrote me letters?"

genre┊ fluffy, the fluffiest fluff i've ever fluffed.

word count┊ 4.4k

aria yaps┊ i have worked on this non-stop for two days, and i loved the way it turned out, maybe one of my favorite works. enjoy reading this as much as i enjoy writing this!!

SECOND PART

she was always around max, either from the sidelines or the first person max ran to when he won a race, it was always her. not even his father, even though he held his father to the highest regard, but it was always her.

the little wrinkles on the edge of her eyes when she smiled at him, the way her lips would curl up, or the way she would giggle every. single. time. that he would come and hug her after every race finish. he remembers it all. and the way he would snuggle his face in the crook of her neck and asked her softly after he would win a race, 'did you see me win, schatje?'

she would always smile back with a laugh, 'of course i did maxie.'

it was always about max, her life revolved around him, whether he liked it or not. she adored him and maybe he adored her a little bit more. they were childhood friends, they were inseparable since they were little babies, their mothers being friends made it even harder for the both of them to not be attached at the hip.

she loved being in his presence and he loved her.

the divorce between jos and sophie was hard on max, he blamed himself and his career but she was always there to tell him that it's not his fault. that their decision was their own and she never forgot to tell max that it wasn't his fault, no matter how much they told him that it was.

she saw the way jos had pushed max to his limits, get physical with his own son and his way of escaping that life was run to her arms, she was there tending to every bruise, every wound whether physical or emotional. she was his rock and it was final. nothing anyone could ever say or do would change his name.

"schatje," max had gently woken her up from her slumber, and she stirred awake from his soft voice, she noticed where she was and finally remembered what happened.

max had finished lower than expected and jos had thrown hurtful things about max, she was there on his mother's couch, comforting him and had fallen asleep that way, with max on her lap, "are you sleepy?"

she shook her head, not wanting to admit that yes, indeed she was sleepy, but if max needed comfort then that wasn't a big deal to her, "what's wrong maxie?"

"nothing, you can sleep on my bed if you're tired. i can sleep here," max had brushed a stray strand of her hair behind her ear but she refused, she hated taking his bed because she knew how uncomfortable the couch was, she wanted him to sleep well.

but he wouldn't allow her to take the couch, so they both slept on sophie's couch almost cuddled with eachother because they were both stubborn.

max was necessarily content with how he was living his life right now, but she made it better and that's all he could ask for. was it her smile? maybe her presence? max didn't care. the first memory he could remember from his early childhood was her, and it was etched into his memory like stone.

she was content with being max's rock, she was there to keep him grounded and she too only had memories of him from her early childhood. she wouldn't replace him for the world, he was too precious for anything in this earthly world.

but there was one day, it felt like a bomb dropped on her. her father had told her that he would have to move to korea to continue work, and she didn't know how to break the news to max until a few days before she had to leave.

she knew it was wrong to keep something this big away from max, but she was so stricken with anxiety that she never got the chance to until max came over to her house and saw all the packed boxes with their belongings.

"why didn't you tell me sooner?" max was angry, she could tell, by the way he was pacing around her room, looking at the packed boxes around. max thought he meant more to her than just a measly friend, he felt frustrated— betrayed almost. why wouldn't she tell him? why would she keep something as big as this away from him?

"why didn't you say something before? why now? why before you could see me race this weekend?" max was raising his voice now, and she didn't know what to do. her eyes turned glassy and those doe eyes max loved so much just looked so sad.

she stayed quiet, a guilty look on her face. she knew max would break from the news, and she knew that it would affect his performance, but she didn't know how to stay, how to convince her father that she didn't want to go, so yet again, she stayed silent in important moments of her life.

"schatje, can you say something? say anything?!" max yelled and she flinches, she didn't know what to say or what to do, she wanted to say something, say anything. but nothing would come to her lips. it was so hard for her when he was angry like this, it reminded her of his father and his father was deathly scary when angry.

a sigh escapes max's lips when he sees her flinch, coming close to her to wrap her in a hug. tears escaped from her eyes as she held onto max tight, "i didn't know how to tell you," she whispers into max's ear but max didn't say anything to that, just held her even tighter and he did not want to let go.

"it's okay schatje, i'm not mad at you. i could never get mad at you, i'm sorry for raising my voice. i just don't want you to go," tears started to escape max's eyes too, he didn't want to see her go. he wanted her to stay, and she did too. but the universe was pulling them apart and there was nothing either of them could do about it.

the ride to the airport was tough, being only fifteen and sixteen respectively. max held her hand the entire time, not wanting to let go, he didn't want her to leave, she was his biggest support system and he couldn't imagine her gone like that.

she was the most scared of the two of them, what if her father never returned to belgium? what if she was stuck there in korea forever? what if she never got to see his pretty blue eyes anymore?

max was the one to ground her, no longer lost in her thoughts, "can you promise me we'll keep in touch? or maybe visit from time to time?" max was holding onto her hands tightly, she felt like they would bruise, she could only smile and nod.

her mother had called her over, it was time to go. she looked at max for what it felt like the last time and left her life in belgium.

dear schatje,

hi, this is the first week that you're gone and it's bene been so hard without you here with me. i forgot that you weren't here anymore and i was expecting to see your face, but when i didn't, i may or may not have almost cried.

i miss you so much. tell me how it is in korea, is it cold? do they have bears there? what about the food? is it good? can you eat it? i heard there's a lot of spiy spicy food there? honestly i don't care about what they have there, i just care about you.

when can you visit again? can you tell me if you're ever coming back? i'm so worried about you there, i miss you... so much schatje.

written with a lot of love, your maxie.

max always handed off his letters to his father, telling his father to hand it off to his mother because apparently they kept in contact and wanted to send it off to the post office on behalf of him.

he just wondered how she was doing there.

it's been months and countless of letters max had sent, and none of them replied. he was starting to lose hope, he didn't want to think that his best friend would forget about him so easily like that, but he held out hope. he knew that she wouldn't magically forget about him now that she was there.

jealousy bubbled within him when he realized that she would be meeting new people, what if she met someone like him? who enjoyed karting and wanted to steal her attention?

no, he couldn't be thinking like that. he loved her and he knew she loved him as much as he did, so he told himself to just be patient, maybe letters to korea took months to reach?

the naviety was almost laughable but he was fine with it. he just wanted to hear back from his pretty girl.

"i do not understand why you keep writing letters to that stupid girl, she doesn't reply to you and all it does is distract you," jos had reprimanded his son, but max was stubborn. he didn't care what his father had to say, he loved all of her, even when she was thousands of kilometers away. he wanted to talk, even when she never replied.

max was in the process of writing another letter, but he never listened to his father, not about her. not about how much of a distraction she's been to his career, he didn't care. he used it as motivation to get better on the track, so the next time she saw him, he would be a world champion, that's what he silently promised to her.

it had been two years, and he hadn't heard a peep back. slowly, he was starting to lose hope but he couldn't lose hope, every single time he would send off the letters, he told himself that maybe it got lost in the mail.

max kept writing though.

max's debut in f1 was explosive to say the least, his interviews would absolutely go viral by the things he was saying in them. he didn't understand why, he just said what was on his mind.

what was truly on his mind was her.

was he not good enough for her? was him being in f1 not enough to impress her? why wouldn't she write back?

oh god how he missed her.

he still wrote to her weekly, it was religious at this point. he never forgot and he always told his father to send them off to his mother and the week after that was always disappointment because he wouldn't hear anything back.

little did he know, she never received those letters.

max had slowly stopped writing letters as he got into f1, he didn't see a point in it anymore. she never replied. she didn't care. letters didn't take years to reach korea, and he finally lost hope.

winning his first championship felt empty, the pretty girl who used to be waiting for him wasn't there for him anymore. of course, he was happy to win such an impressive feat, who wouldn't? but it just... lacked her.

max indeed lost hope that she would ever write back, but never lost hope that she was out there, somewhere, watching him race every single week and beat the shit out of his rivals. she loved watching him race and that's what he intended to do until the day he died, he wanted to impress her, maybe that was his ulterior motive to becoming a formula one driver.

all just to impress his best friend who had lost contact with him for a decade now.

"you need to stop figdeting so much," her mother had scolded her, she could only laugh nervously and stop fidgeting around. she wondered why max never wrote back to her, she had written him letters. did he hate her for moving out to korea and not coming to visit belgium?

she shook the thoughts out of her head, she was here now. for his home race, and for the rest of her life. her father had now decided to move back to belgium, because and i quote, 'i don't want my daughter to lose touch with her culture'.

she was 26 now, and she had guessed that he turned 27 not too long ago. it's been so long since she talked to him and she hoped that the spark that she had been yearning for had not been lost to the passages of time.

getting the paddock passes was not easy, it was a war and a half but she managed to snag some for herself and a friend that wanted to visit belgium and would arrive later on in the week.

"how did you even manage to get paddock passes for us?" heejin, her friend that wanted to visit had asked, she could only laugh and explain how she got them, it was a war and a half. heejin laughed along with her as they both arrived and scanned their passes at the entrance.

"i'm gonna meet my best friend here— well it's complicated. i don't think he considers me a best friend anymore, but i still do," she had softly told heejin who was a big formula one fan even before meeting her, heejin raised her eyebrow when she said that.

the both of them were walking down the paddock, passing all of the different team's hospitalities. heejin raised her eyebrow at her friend, who shrugged.

"who's your best friend?" heejin had asked as they pass by the red bull hospitality, she stopped which signalled heejin to stop as well, she looked at the redbull in awe. she hadn't been to a formula one race yet, the closest she'd been was to karting but that didn't bring on the feelings she felt when standing in front of this red bull building.

"well, he's driving the number one car."

"YOUR BEST FRIEND IS MAX VERSTAPPEN?!"

"YOUR BEST FRIEND IS MAX VERSTAPPEN?!"

max had heard a girl yell, he slowly turned his head. he was confused, he didn't have a best friend— well not anymore. she had moved to korea, all memories of her stuck in his head being replayed all over and over again.

that's all he had left of her.

the other girl shushed the girl who yelled, and that's when it dawned on max. the other girl looked awfully familiar, he couldn't quite place why she looked so familiar but she looked like her, like his best friend.

"shh! you can't just yell that out in public," she clamped a hand on her friend's mouth, "they're gonna think i'm insane!" then the both of them giggled, it did sound ridiculous but now he was curious.

was she back? was that her? who was she with? is that her new best friend? is that her?

as they both walked away, max wanted to run up to them, to ask that one particular girl what her name was. what she was doing here and who she was with but all of that died when he got approached by his race engineer.

then he forgot all about that familiar girl that he saw in front of the red bull hospitality.

max would only get another glimpse of her when it was race day, they were walking through the paddock in a similar fashion, but max promised to himself that he would approach them, that he would ask but there was doubt in his heart.

what if she forgot about him?

she couldn't, right?

and so approach them he did, tapping the girl that he felt was so familiar to on the shoulder, she had turned around and they had locked eyes.

it was as if she never left.

the sparks, they all came rushing back and then his heart started beating out of his chest, he wanted to ask so many questions, why she was here, who she was with, when she came back— why she came back, why she never wrote him back.

but the only thing that left his lips were a simple, "hi."

heejin was freaking out, she could tell. she knew that heejin was a big red bull fan too, always talking about how the team was dominating and they had the better car. she had heard all about it. but the little dutchboy she left all those years ago was standing in front of her and not-so little anymore and all those thoughts about her girlfriend was forgotten.

he looked the same, but grown and decked out in red bull merch. she wanted to laugh at how innocent he looked when he tapped her on the shoulder to get her to turn around, he looked stupid, stupidly cute.

all of those feelings from when she was back in belgium came back, she almost forgot what it felt like to be around max— her max. he looked like he was going to cry when he got a good look at her, that he finally realized that yes, it's her. the one that left him in belgium all those years ago.

and maybe she could cry too.

"maxie?" a familiar nickname slipped from her lips and she didn't get a response back, but a bear hug in return.

god, her scent. it was everything to him. he fucking missed it— miss her.

"i thought... i thought you forgot about me," max buried his face into the crook of her neck, she too wrapped her arms around max and buried her face into his chest. his voice was so vulnerable, all she wanted to do was curl around him and tell him that she would never.

she shook her head as she sank into the hug, "i could never forget my maxie," she mumbled into his chest, he held onto her tighter. he never wanted to let go, not now, not ever. she was where she was finally supposed to be, right in his arms.

once they got time alone after his race, max had stolen her away from her friend and dragged her into his driver's room, locking the door and pushing her against the wall, slamming his lips onto hers. he had been dreaming about this for so long, his lips on hers.

he didn't want to so sexual with her, no not yet. being in the small driver's room where they couldn't be free out of the public eye wasn't a good place. he just wanted to touch her, hold her, love her, make sure that she knew how much he had missed this.

missed them being together.

her hands instinctively went up to hold onto his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he kissed her softly. the feelings going through him were a mix of nostalgia, longing and love. he loved her for so long and it was so like her to show up when it mattered the most.

he won it for her today, to show her, that the little max she knew still had it in him to win and to impress her even with a world championship under his belt.

she felt the softness and the gentleness that max was touching her with, she knew how much he loved her. how much he care, how much he longed for her touch and she did too, only so much more.

she had so many questions in her, on why he never replied to the letters she sent or why he never sent any himself, not knowing what happened with her letters and why they never arrived properly.

but she didn't care at the moment, all she cared about was that she was safely in his arms, never to be let go ever again.

safe to say, her lips were to the point of bruising that night. max had forbade her to go back home, or to be away from his sight. he had kissed her silly, not wanting to let her go and there she was, settled nicely in his arms.

it's not like she wanted to go anywhere anyway.

the movie in the background was long forgotten, max's lips felt like they were molded for hers. he had waited for her for so long, waited to feel her skin after so long and this just felt right, it felt right when he was with her.

"maxie— mmhh— my love, stop," she had to talk in between kisses, max didn't want to let her go, his fingers were basically imprinted onto her waist. she was straddling max as he sat upright and kissed her, so softly. like she would break if he was any harder, even though he absolutely did want to kiss her harder.

max released her from the kiss with a pout, his pretty lips were red and swollen from all the kissing they did. everything in the world just seemed to fade into the background when they were together, like everyone else in this world was so insignificant for their time and they were the only people worthy of each other's time.

"but why? i wanna kiss you, i miss you. i have waited for you for ten years, the least you can do is let me kiss you until you're sick of me," max mumbled against her lips and all she could do was giggle.

god, her laugh, he loved it.

she shook her head and left a final peck on his lips, "because i want to talk maxie, we can't just kiss whatever questions we have for eachother away," she told him but he seemed to think otherwise, she had moved back to put a bit of distance in between them, to make sure max didn't go in to kiss her again.

"oh yes we can, i don't care about the questions, schatje. i just wanna be with you, just like old days, but now it's so different because in those ten years without you, i finally realized what i felt and how i felt for you and i can't wait any damn longer to finally kiss those pretty lips of yours, so please. just let me do this for another three hours and we can talk," max begged as he pulled her closer.

she couldn't imagine kissing for another three hours as they spent the last hour doing it, but with him? she would do it for another life-time if she could.

the both of them later had the serious talk when they were done kissing each other, now wanting answers from eachother. their legs were tangled and intertwined with each other's, not wanting to let go from their skin to skin contact.

"first off, why did you never reply to my letters? i wrote you so many. so many that i lost count, i would always write to you but you never replied, why?" max's voice came out strained, all of the painful feelings from the last ten years of his life were coming out, her doe eyes looked up from where she was, laying against his chest.

"you wrote me letters? i wrote you letters, you never replied. i thought you got too busy with your karting career to reply—"

"i could never get too busy to reply to you, but i never got any of your letters, schatje," max murmured against her forehead, kissing it gently after he spoke. she hummed a response before it dawned on her, she had always sent the letters to his father's address and she knew that his father wasn't fond of her, even offering her a huge lump sum of cash just for her to stay away from his son but she never accepted it, always choosing to be beside max, no matter what happened.

she looked up and sighed, she knew what happened now, she connected the pieces, "did you send your letters off to your dad?" she asked, and max nodded before it dawned on him too.

"that fucker hid the letters from you and never sent mine..."

she could only nod sadly, but it didn't matter now. all that mattered was that they were reconnected now.

scattered around them were the countless of letters max had written to her and all of the letters from her that he never received, the years of pining, longing— all of them tucked neatly away into these little envelopes that held all of those unsaid feelings.

a soft sigh escapes her lips, she looked at all of them, there were hundreds maybe. all of them posted to where she stayed in korea but never sent, always kept in a big box where all of his letters were and hers were stuffed in there in a similar fashion.

her heart clenched when she saw how many there were, there were far more many than whatever she sent, even though she did send quite a big sum.

when max had found out, he stormed into jos' house and demanded to ask why he never sent out the letters that he wrote and a big fight broke out, she had to hold of max from physically harming his own father. then they left after given the big box filled with letters.

"there's so many..." she watched in awe as all of them were sorted by date, from the latest to the earliest, max looked up at her with those big blue icy eyes of his, he looked really sad. stuck in his feelings almost, not understand why his father would do whatever he did in the past.

max held her hand gently, pulling her into his embrace, "i have always loved you, even when i was a little kid. i just didn't understand what those feelings were, i just acted on how i felt and being away from you... i just couldn't. so i sent you my love in the form of these letters."

she left a lingering kiss on his cheek, she felt sorry for having to leave all those years ago. she should've fought, should've stood her ground on how much she wanted to stay but she was just a 16 year old kid who didn't know how to, "i know. i'm sorry i had to leave all those years ago."

"don't apologize, schatje. i have never blamed you for leaving me. i have always held love for you in my heart, even if you didn't know it."

"i always knew max, and i still do."

very willing to do a part 2 to this btw, will only do it when requested tho. not proofread, excuse grammar mistakes.

[ms-demeanor]

Why reblog machine-generated art?

When I was ten years old I took a photography class where we developed black and white photos by projecting light on papers bathed in chemicals. If we wanted to change something in the image, we had to go through a gradual, arduous process called dodging and burning.

When I was fifteen years old I used photoshop for the first time, and I remember clicking on the clone tool or the blur tool and feeling like I was cheating.

When I was twenty eight I got my first smartphone. The phone could edit photos. A few taps with my thumb were enough to apply filters and change contrast and even spot correct. I was holding in my hand something more powerful than the huge light machines I'd first used to edit images.

When I was thirty six, just a few weeks ago, I took a photo class that used Lightroom Classic and again, it felt like cheating. It made me really understand how much the color profiles of popular web images I'd been seeing for years had been pumped and tweaked and layered with local edits to make something that, to my eyes, didn't much resemble photography. To me, photography is light on paper. It's what you capture in the lens. It's not automatic skin smoothing and a local filter to boost the sky. This reminded me a lot more of the photomanipulations my friend used to make on deviantart; layered things with unnatural colors that put wings on buildings or turned an eye into a swimming pool. It didn't remake the images to that extent, obviously, but it tipped into the uncanny valley. More real than real, more saturated more sharp and more present than the actual world my lens saw. And that was before I found the AI assisted filters and the tool that would identify the whole sky for you, picking pieces of it out from between leaves.

You know, it's funny, when people talk about artists who might lose their jobs to AI they don't talk about the people who have already had to move on from their photo editing work because of technology. You used to be able to get paid for basic photo manipulation, you know? If you were quick with a lasso or skilled with masks you could get a pretty decent chunk of change by pulling subjects out of backgrounds for family holiday cards or isolating the pies on the menu for a mom and pop. Not a lot, but enough to help. But, of course, you can just do that on your phone now. There's no need to pay a human for it, even if they might do a better job or be more considerate toward the aesthetic of an image.

And they certainly don't talk about all the development labs that went away, or the way that you could have trained to be a studio photographer if you wanted to take good photos of your family to hang on the walls and that digital photography allowed in a parade of amateurs who can make dozens of iterations of the same bad photo until they hit on a good one by sheer volume and luck; if you want to be a good photographer everyone can do that why didn't you train for it and spend a long time taking photos on film and being okay with bad photography don't you know that digital photography drove thousands of people out of their jobs.

My dad told me that he plays with AI the other day. He hosts a movie podcast and he puts up thumbnails for the downloads. In the past, he'd just take a screengrab from the film. Now he tells the Bing AI to make him little vignettes. A cowboy running away from a rhino, a dragon arm-wrestling a teddy bear. That kind of thing. Usually based on a joke that was made on the show, or about the subject of the film and an interest of the guest.

People talk about "well AI art doesn't allow people to create things, people were already able to create things, if they wanted to create things they should learn to create things." Not everyone wants to make good art that's creative. Even fewer people want to put the effort into making bad art for something that they aren't passionate about. Some people want filler to go on the cover of their youtube video. My dad isn't going to learn to draw, and as the person who he used to ask to photoshop him as Ant-Man because he certainly couldn't pay anyone for that kind of thing, I think this is a great use case for AI art. This senior citizen isn't going to start cartooning and at two recordings a week with a one-day editing turnaround he doesn't even really have the time for something like a Fiverr commission. This is a great use of AI art, actually.

I also know an artist who is going Hog Fucking Wild creating AI art of their blorbos. They're genuinely an incredibly talented artist who happens to want to see their niche interest represented visually without having to draw it all themself. They're posting the funny and good results to a small circle of mutuals on socials with clear information about the source of the images; they aren't trying to sell any of the images, they're basically using them as inserts for custom memes. Who is harmed by this person saying "i would like to see my blorbo lasciviously eating an ice cream cone in the is this a pigeon meme"?

The way I use machine-generated art, as an artist, is to proof things. Can I get an explosion to look like this. What would a wall of dead computer monitors look like. Would a ballerina leaping over the grand canyon look cool? Sometimes I use AI art to generate copyright free objects that I can snip for a collage. A lot of the time I use it to generate ideas. I start naming random things and seeing what it shows me and I start getting inspired. I can ask CrAIon for pose reference, I can ask it to show me the interior of spaces from a specific angle.

I profoundly dislike the antipathy that tumblr has for AI art. I understand if people don't want their art used in training pools. I understand if people don't want AI trained on their art to mimic their style. You should absolutely use those tools that poison datasets if you don't want your art included in AI training. I think that's an incredibly appropriate action to take as an artist who doesn't want AI learning from your work.

However I'm pretty fucking aggressively opposed to copyright and most of the "solid" arguments against AI art come down to "the AIs viewed and learned from people's copyrighted artwork and therefore AI is theft rather than fair use" and that's a losing argument for me. In. Like. A lot of ways. Primarily because it is saying that not only is copying someone's art theft, it is saying that looking at and learning from someone's art can be defined as theft rather than fair use.

Also because it's just patently untrue.

But that doesn't really answer your question. Why reblog machine-generated art? Because I liked that piece of art.

It was made by a machine that had looked at billions of images - some copyrighted, some not, some new, some old, some interesting, many boring - and guided by a human and I liked it. It was pretty. It communicated something to me. I looked at an image a machine made - an artificial picture, a total construct, something with no intrinsic meaning - and I felt a sense of quiet and loss and nostalgia. I looked at a collection of automatically arranged pixels and tasted salt and smelled the humidity in the air.

I liked it.

I don't think that all AI art is ugly. I don't think that AI art is all soulless (i actually think that 'having soul' is a bizarre descriptor for art and that lacking soul is an equally bizarre criticism). I don't think that AI art is bad for artists. I think the problem that people have with AI art is capitalism and I don't think that's a problem that can really be laid at the feet of people curating an aesthetic AI art blog on tumblr.

Machine learning isn't the fucking problem the problem is massive corporations have been trying hard not to pay artists for as long as massive corporations have existed (isn't that a b-plot in the shape of water? the neighbor who draws ads gets pushed out of his job by product photography? did you know that as recently as ten years ago NewEgg had in-house photographers who would take pictures of the products so users wouldn't have to rely on the manufacturer photos? I want you to guess what killed that job and I'll give you a hint: it wasn't AI)

Am I putting a human out of a job because I reblogged an AI-generated "photo" of curtains waving in the pale green waters of an imaginary beach? Who would have taken this photo of a place that doesn't exist? Who would have painted this hypersurrealistic image? What meaning would it have had if they had painted it or would it have just been for the aesthetic? Would someone have paid for it or would it be like so many of the things that artists on this site have spent dozens of hours on only to get no attention or value for their work?

My worst ratio of hours to notes is an 8-page hand-drawn detailed ink comic about getting assaulted at a concert and the complicated feelings that evoked that took me weeks of daily drawing after work with something like 54 notes after 8 years; should I be offended if something generated from a prompt has more notes than me? What does that actually get the blogger? Clout? I believe someone said that popularity on tumblr gets you one thing and that is yelled at.

What do you get out of this? Are you helping artists right now? You're helping me, and I'm an artist. I've wanted to unload this opinion for a while because I'm sick of the argument that all Real Artists think AI is bullshit. I'm a Real Artist. I've been paid for Real Art. I've been commissioned as an artist.

And I find a hell of a lot of AI art a lot more interesting than I find human-generated corporate art or Thomas Kincaid (but then, I repeat myself).

There are plenty of people who don't like AI art and don't want to interact with it. I am not one of those people. I thought the gay sex cats were funny and looked good and that shitposting is the ideal use of a machine image generation: to make uncopyrightable images to laugh at.

I think that tumblr has decided to take a principled stand against something that most people making the argument don't understand. I think tumblr's loathing for AI has, generally speaking, thrown weight behind a bunch of ideas that I think are going to be incredibly harmful *to artists specifically* in the long run.

Anyway. If you hate AI art and you don't want to interact with people who interact with it, block me.

[artbyblastweave]

Playing through Fallout:New Vegas for the first time in years. And I'm developing a newfound appreciation for the damage done to the intended pacing of the narrative with the addition of the Courier's Stash. I wake up in Goodsprings, and as part of the extended tutorial you have Ghosttown Gunfight, the fairly self-contained faction war between Goodsprings and the Powder Gangers. And the design intent, I think, is that this is probably supposed to be a pain in the ass, with only one or two avenues of support available to you given the low level at which you'll pick this one up. Six Powder Gangers, some in body-armor, would be a serious threat, and committing to fighting against that with your dinky 9mm and a varmint rifle seems like a rough time! An actual uphill battle, doing the right thing instead of the easy thing. Fortunately, Benny inexplicably left my handy 40mm grenade launcher in the grave with me, so I cleaned up.

I'm working my way south, and, you know, in a version of the game where Benny didn't inexplicably leave my handy 40mm grenade launcher in the grave with me, this would have been the knock-on effect of my "good" Karmic choice in defending Goodsprings; the road south is littered with powder gangers who'd have been neutral had I not kicked the hornet's nest. As it stands? Free experience. I hit Primm, and fighting through the cramped hallways of the Bison Steve I encounter an enemy armed with what was clearly supposed to be the first heavy weapon I'd encounter in the world. Tight Corridors. Inexplicable Grenade Launcher. I clean up. South I go to the Mojave outpost, Nipton, that whole thing. And clearly, clearly you aren't meant to take a swing at Vulpes here, right? You're supposed to take it in, get a sense for the legion. In the version of the game that shipped you're supposed to get bodied if you try to kick the beef gate here. There are allowances in the game for if you pull it off, sure, but I did try with just the service rifle, without the glorious first-strike capabilities afforded to me by the 40mm grenade launcher that Benny inexplicably left in the grave with me. It didn't go very well!

So now I'm dogged by Legion hit squads on my way to Novac, which I get the distinct impression was not the point in the game at which this was supposed to start happening to me, because I am gathering up some pretty expensive equipment, all sold for space. I punch through to Vegas, and at this stage, the clear developer intent is that you need to spend some time milling around Freeside or Camp McCarran in order to gain access to the Strip- do odd jobs to scrape up the money, buy the forgery from Mick and Ralphs, gain monorail access, get your science skill high enough to hack the robot. Get the lay of the land, get a feel for the people, send some time stewing in the human cost of House's walled garden before you head in and hear the pitch from the big man himself.

Except I've got 5000 caps from selling off all the legion killteam equipment. In I go!

And the fun thing is, right, the Courier's stash can't be diegetic, but it is having a very direct impact on the world here. A top legion guy just went down to my inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher. Whatever else I'm roleplaying as, I am roleplaying as a guy who woke up in the possession of an inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher, and neither I nor my character can plausibly ignore that fact given its terrible bloodstained utility. I play a man, a man who would be a good man, a man nonetheless bewitched by the terrible resolutory power of the grenade launcher. My best friend, the inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher! My worst enemy, the inexplicable 40mm grenade launcher!