#it created a nice clean feeling when we inspected not going to lie but now living in it I do feel a little insane

[stardustings]

Spring is here: the sun is warm and we have discovered two different birds are nesting in the tangle of branches that is our lemon tree (weighed heavily by about a million lemons which we have been using endlessly: on veg and meats, in cocktails, and I have baking on my mind, too).

Today is Sunday but there’s a timeless feeling in the air right now as H is on holidays. We nixed the idea of brunch (Sunday surcharges) and instead I’m finally getting onto the Spring cleaning.

The house needs a top to bottom scrub, inside and out. We’ve lived here 1.5 years now and last Spring had a newborn so, as you can imagine, our cleaning was contained primarily to laundering the endless onesies/sheets/spit cloths/loungewear/etc.

Today I want to sort out the linen closet, which we stuffed haphazardly when we moved in and have been suffering with ever since. I am also in the mood to scrub the kitchen cabinets, but I will try to refrain from fantasising too hard about painting them (H says it’s more complicated than you’d think).

[yorshie]

Hello, fellow raccoon here 🦝 If it’s not too much trouble, could you write about sharing a bed for the first time with the Bay!verse turtles?

Ah! Another raccoon! Thank you for the request, I had a lot of fun writing this one! I went with head canon style.

Bayverse x reader, SFW other than bedshare, set in 2023 so turtles are 24-25

Tags: @jackalope-in-a-storm @tmnt-tychou

MICHELANGELO

This sweet turtle got his nest all ready when he heard you were finally spending the night. Brought in your favorite snacks, hunted down all his extra pillows from around the Lair, and restocked his mini fridge in case you got thirsty.

So when the time finally came and you go drop your bag off in his room, there is not a free spot to be found. His bed is a mountain of pillows and blankets, the small coffee table shoved in front of his tv has everything from pizza, microwavable food, and what looks like three different flavors of cookies piled on top of it.

Not gonna lie, its a bit intimidating. You might even have faltered, if sunshine boi wasn't right behind you with your toiletry bags, happy go lucky energy rubbing off until it felt like the spotlight wasn't directly on you.

the rest of the night is spent in typical Mikey fashion, a.k.a. a game and movie marathon. His brothers occasionally wander past his open door to say hello and to see what the two of you are up to. They might have a bet running on how much Mikey smothers you and how long you'll allow it. Even Splinter is in on it, thought the old rat refrains from making an appearance so his youngest doesn't feel like he's doing something wrong. He wants to marry his sons off eventually, after all.

When you eventually get tired and it's time to delve into the towering abyss of pillows that have taken over his bed, Mikey's territorial side makes an appearance. The door gets shut and locked to avoid anyone that might think it's a good idea to pull a prank (none of his brothers would but Mikey is paranoid because he is the prankster), and he wastes no time diving in after you for some cuddles.

oh. ok, maybe there's too many pillows, because now he can't find you! He's lost his significant other! Cue a mini chase where most of his bounty ends up in the floor in his search. You are not getting out of cuddles. No amount of wiggling or hiding will save you.

the actual cuddling is quite nice. Mikey's warm and his bicep makes for an excellent pillow. He likes to lay face to face, with your head tucked under his chin, limbs entangled and churring up a storm that you knew would have his brothers wincing in second hand embarrassment if they ever heard all the turtley noises he made when it was just the two of you.

He definitely snores, though. And farts in his sleep. Fact of life, don't get mad, because we all do it sometimes, most of us just aren't a mutated turtle man with a noxious gut fueled by pizza and sour patch kids. Dutch oven him with his own farts as payback.

in the morning you'll definitely wake up first, though as soon as you start to move Mikey will be alert. Call it sixth sense, but all the turtles are hyper aware of their own personal spaces and who's in them. I hope you weren't planning on getting an early start that morning, because now that Mikey's awake he's ready to continue the movie that you getting sleepy paused the night before. While getting more cuddles and eating breakfast in bed, of course.

LEONARDO

he internally started creating lists as soon as you accepted his sleepover proposal. Panics a little and moved the date once to make sure his sheets are washed the day before. Everything in his space has to be perfectly so. If someone interupts his cleaning and prepping, they better expect to have their head bitten off. Will have a literal panic attack if you arrived early.

You, of course, notice nothing out of place when he presents his room for your inspection. Yes, you read that right. This turtle will practically sweat as he waits for your verdict on whether the nest is good enough. No, he doesn't realize what he's doing. If you pick up on it don't tell him or else he might start panicking again.

The two of you will actually not spend too much time besides sleeping in his room, most of your time will be hanging out in the main living area. This serves two purposes: as the eldest Leo wants you to get along with all his brothers, and two, the thought of his bothers coming by his room to say hi to you absolutely drives is reptile brain crazy. So you'll eat and hangout with everyone else, and try not to laugh at the subtle teasing you know your turtle is going through with the whispered jokes and laughter that seem to stop every time you turn around.

When it gets late enough and everyone starts peeling off to do their own thing, you'll have to let Leo know you are ready to go lay down. Hilarious if you think He's going to suggest it's time to head to bed to you, he's trying his hardest not to think of the words "you" and "nest - BED! he meant bed!" in the same sentence.

when you finish your nighttime routine and make your way back to Leo's room, don't be surprised to find him on a makeshift pallet on the floor. There is no way you couldn't have seen this coming, but don't worry, there's an easy fix. Simply get in his bed, close to the wall, and start shivering. Loudly. Ham it up. In no time flat you'll have a turtle sneaking up next to you to keep you warm, though at first he will be hesitant. Cuddling you in the privacy of his own room with the expectation of sleep is very different from just chilling with you.

despite Leo trying to be a gentleman during the beginning, leaving you a bit of space and trying his hardest not to crowd you, by an hour in he will be wrapped around you. As he slowly gets tipped closer and closer to the edge of sleep, the more loose he will become. And once he gives in and gets used to the cuddles, he will never want to stop.

He clicks and chirps in his sleep sometimes. You woke up thinking there was a baby bird or something in the room, only to discover the high pitched noises were coming from him, before he transitions into deeper churrs from his chest right in front of your eyes. If you keep very still and quiet he might not wake up, but he will be traumatized if he does and discovers he makes these noises

There is very little chance of you waking in the morning before Leo. This turtle gets up early, but maybe just for today he can slip back next to you, after morning training, just to feel close to you for a bit longer. When you wake up you could just spend the morning talking, he won't mind being lazy as long as it's with you

You'll most likely be the one making breakfast if the other brothers aren't up yet, as Leo is banned from making anything other than tea or using the strict guidelines Mikey placed next to the microwave. But, he is an excellent sous chef, and after you're both fed he will be quick to suggest an activity so the two of you can hang out longer. Just know he's already weighing his chances of getting you to spend the next night as well.

DONATELLO

Dee had about 50 reminders set in the days leading up to your first sleepover, and a mental list he was practically grappling with in between projects. Anytime he'd focus on what was coming up too much, the butterflies would start going haywire in his stomach and he was likely to drop whatever it is he's holding at the time

Needless to say, he was in a bit of a panic by the time you showed up. Technically speaking, logically speaking, he knew his bed and room where both clean. And he knew you liked spending time with him, so why the anxiety? Why the nerves? He's so nervous, he doesn't even realize you've arrived, moved around his habitual pacing to set your bag on his bed, and now you're simply watching him with fond curiosity.

He shrieks when he finally notices you. Practically has a heart attack and knocks over at least four stacks of meticulously arranged cds and various technological components. Eventually joins in your laughter after he's calmed down enough to see the humor in the situation.

Just this once, Donnie has cleared his timetable of various projects to focus soley on you. That isn't to say that before he's blown you off or ignored you, but by now you are well aware how hard he has to work to contain his wandering mind, al lthe little tips and tricks he uses to keep his focus on the here and now and not bouncing from idea to idea.

The two of you will not be spending too much time out in the main area. The time it takes the two of you to procure dinner is more than enough brotherly interaction for the tall turtle. Not to mention, it turns almost awkward as the other's try desperately to not make prolonged eye contact with anyone else. They learned a long time ago not to tease the brother that controls all their devices and the access to the wifi.

Once Donnie and you are comfortable back in his room, the true hang out will begin. You'll play rock-paper-scissors to pick a movie, Donnie always lets you win, but he gets to pick the music that plays in the background. If you want, he'll access his computer and set up the program to make the lights in his room dance to the beat. Curled up in his arms, it is the easiest place to fall asleep, surrounded by fluttering lights that mimic being underwater.

Donnie may not actually sleep, but he stays with you the entire night. If you wake at all it might be to the idle scratching of pen on paper as he writes, his hand moving in your hair or along your back, or to his soft breaths caught in a light doze, a soft churr rumbling in his chest. If you're also the type to burn the midnight oil, you both might stay up talking long enough that the morning slowly creeps up on you before you both pass out.

Splinter often stops by the Lab in the morning on his way to meditate, if only to wrap a blanket over his son's shoulders and move his glasses to a safe spot. It's an ingrained habit, so much so that it doesn't even register that you spent the night until he quietly opens the door. He takes on look at the two of you holding each other close, and turns away with a smile.

Dee can cook, but most likely he'll order from the diner one block above their preferred manhole cover, and the two of you will sneak out for eggs, bacon and pancakes before secreting it away in his room so you don't have to share.

RAPHAEL

If the two of you are close enough for a sleepover, Raph is going to be the calmest of his brothers about you being in his personal space. Sure, he'll clean up, make sure all his dirty clothes are in his hamper and all the drawers actually shut on his dresser, but don't expect much in the way of fanfare.

He doesn't care where you wanna hang out in the evening, as long as you're comfortable. If you're out in the Lair proper however, get ready for some brotherly jockeying. Mikey almost can't help teasing Raph about having a guest over for the night, but the bigger brother will take it in stride as long as its only Mikey. Donnie tends to stay out of the limelight when it comes to teasing, but you better hope Leo doesn't so much as raise an eye ridge in Raph's direction. To be fair, the blue turtle is likely only drawing attention to how soft for you Raph is, but the two of them earning a trip to the Ha'shi might put a bit of a damper on the sleepover.

Leo's right though, Raph is completely soft for you. You want something to eat? He'll go get it for you without even a huff. You want popcorn for the movie? He'll bring back soda as well. You ask how much he can bench? He'll toe the line between showing off and making sure he can actually handle the weight. You neck hurts from having to crane around him to watch the movie? He'll lay on the ground and let you splay across his shell. You blink at him and sleepily ask to be carried? You're already up in his arms before you can even finish the sentence.

When it comes time to sleep, Raph will insist you take the inside of the bed, close to the wall, but he's thought ahead and gotten you your own pillow so you don't have to share with him. Yes, technically its from Mikey's room, but don't worry he disinfected it with a shit-ton of Lysol and Frebreze and washed the cover. This doesn't mean he doesn't want to cuddle, but of all the things Raph understands in his life, the very first few are the difference in size between the two of you, just how much he weighs, and how strong he is. So he'll tuck you against the wall and lay out on his stomach in one of the few positions that makes it hard for him to tip over. There's just enough room between the lip of his shell and the mattress for you to slot yourself against him, and he'll take the opportunity to slide his arm around your waist and bury his snout in your hair.

He'll hold you there throughout the night, breath slow and even. If you wake, be prepared that any movement will rouse him. He can't exactly help it, and he tries not to make you feel guilty over it, but you can always make out the green shine of his eyes peering down to make sure you are ok before he drifts back off again.

This turtle churrs sometimes in his sleep, but it's not the cute or soothing churr of contentment. No, someone parked a diesel engine in his man and is revving it like he's driving up an inclined gravel mountain road. The only way to get him to stop is to poke the thin strip of skin along his side, repeatedly, until he snorts and shifts. 50/50 chance the shifting will stop the churring. If not, you'll have to repeat the process.

In the morning, he'll dip before you wake, and come back to the room with warm pastries and whatever he's seen you drink in the morning. If you want your breakfast right away however, you might have to bribe him with turtle smooches as he tries to steal back his spot and catch up on the cuddles he's missed being a good boyfriend. Yes, he's holding you hostage, unless you want to try climbing over him. You might succeed if you make him laugh.

At some point in the day, after breakfast and whatever morning routine you keep, Raph will ask you what you want to do. If you want to go home, decompress, he'll take you home, but if you want to stay again and hang out some more you'll get to see the sweetest, softest smile break across his face.

[pbandjesse]

I had a pretty nice day. And we got to end it with our signed contracts and getting the inspections scheduled. It is starting to feel more real and I'm getting to feel a little more excited.

I slept okay but not as well. I had very strange dreams. About exploring the basement of our building and moving and all those things my brain is working though. I let myself wake up naturally again and woke up around 930 and didn't feel amazing but I felt okay.

I had things to do before Naomi and Kim came over. She had texted me asking if I had green fabric and I said I would pull out some cheistmasy fabrics for us.

I would have eggsalad again and would pick up some stuff. I would take a hair drto the tops of my candles to try and fix a few imperfections. This did not work as well as I was hoping but I still think they look great and I'm very proud of them. I'm excited to give them as gifts.

I would do a lot of knitting today. And was able to finish all the pieces for one whole side of the blanket I'm making and I'm thrilled about that. I would do that basically on and off all morning.

I did some cleaning and played with sweetp and just enjoyed being home where it was warm and not outside where it was grey and gross. I encouraged James to take the car to work because of the weather and I'm glad they did because it was gross today and would start raining pretty soon after I got up. It was just grey and sad outside all day. It's still pouring now actually.

Kim would text me a little after 1 when her and Naomi arrived. I came down to get them and Naomi was clearly excited. Rushed right upstairs.

Sweetp was being very friendly and lovey which was really cute. And I love how much Kim and Naomi love him. He would hang with us some of the time they were here but he also would just do his own thing.

We had lot of work today. And that was awesome. I didn't want to be belittling or anything but I wanted to go over some basics and skills that seem really easy but take some skills. Like cutting the fabric and threading the needle but also just using a fabric tape measure. And I was able to go over a bunch of my tools like tailors chalk and pinking sheers and it was fun.

We started with a shirt and that went really well I also had Naomi do a blanket stitch around the collar because it's fleece and it makes it look more finished. And she did an excellent job. We would next use some cotton and I showed her how to sew down the hems first and then attach the pieces and that one would be a little jacket.

Finally we would work on a little scarf for one of the plushies that just has to big of a head. But he looks great! And we were just loving the way this scarf turned out. Honestly I could seriously see all the progression Naomi is making and I was having so much fun showing her everything. And she was able to use the sewing machine almost completely independently. I am thrilled. I hope to show her how to use her own someday!

Her mom was also just really nice to talk to. Kim is very sweet and I told her about the house and she wished us luck and she made me feel a little more excited.

I am still trying to not be to excited but I won't lie, I am excited. I've been saving ideas of painting and furniture and all that fun stuff and I'm just really excited to start figuring things out. I dont want to be disappointed but I don't think I'm going to be. I think it's going to be great.

After they left I would clean up our stuff and would jump into my next project. I heated up some frozen Mac and cheese and started planning out the stand for my fish knife.

I knew I wanted to do a board like a billy bass. But as I was laying it out I was thinking about it being on a plate. And I really ran with that and I love it. It's not done. I want to add something else to the plate but I had so much fun figuring this out.

I even used some modeling paste to create some dimension to the things on the plate and I was just having so much fun over the day. Painting. Then letting it dry. And coming back and forth. And for real, Callie knocked it out of the park it's such a good gift.

I would go back to the couch to continue to knit while I was waiting for the paint to dry. And soon James was home and I was so happy to see them. And they were so sweet when they got home being so lovey. They are very clearly stressed about everything but I was still really happy that they seemed so happy in that moment.

It was decided we needed to go to the grocery store for a few things for the dinner I wanted. James said I didn't need to come with them but I wanted to be with them. And so we headed out into the gross night together.

The grocery store was fine. We got a few fun things. But we stuck to the list for the most part.

While we were checking out Harold called us. And said to check our email because he has great news. His email was so cute with lots of bottle emojis. But the sellers signed the paperwork and we can move forward with the inspection. We are getting an air quality test tomorrow and then on Tuesday afternoon we are getting the home inspection. I'm thrilled. I am excited that we will get to be there so while he's doing his inspection I can be measuring things and looking at specifics like closets and the back "yard" and measuring things. Just being more excited and it's just really fun.

We had some stress after we called Harold back in the car and got some answers about how things will go and what we need to do. He said we needed to wire the money for the deposit over. But we didn't know how to do that so we had some stress when we got home.

We couldn't figure out how to Google it and our banks websites weren't helping. Finally we decided we should just text Harold and he said we can go to our bank in the morning. Excellent thank you Harold.

I had some nachos while James made us some Thai curry rice. Which was really good but I mostly wanted to eat the naan James made which was very very good. Love my James.

They were kind of upset with stress. But we would talk and try to just chill. They had forgotten their laptop cord at work so they used my laptop to watch sports while they painted their nails and I continued to knit and paint.

It has been a really nice night. I washed my hair. And we talked about our Christmas travels. And now we are in bed and it's just nice listening to the rain. I feel happy. Tired and sore but happy.

Tomorrow we have many things to do. We have to go to the bank. James is going to make cookies. I have to go pick something up from awah. We have to go get food gifts. And then we have the Christmas party at the BMI. It's going to be a full day but I think it's going to be fun.

I love you all. Goodnight everyone!

[akaashisupremacy]

Yes, Always

Summary: Having broken off your engagement for an arranged marriage with Gojo, your relationship is in shreds. As you and Gojo try to pick up the pieces, what does love look like?

Gojo Satoru  x reader

Multi-fandom Masterlist || HQ Masterlist || Ao3 version

Genre: Mostly fluff, lil bit of domestic angst, exes to friends to lovers (wc: 1.8k)

“How on earth are you still bed when the sun is setting? Gojo Satoru dramatically bursts into your apartment. The door flings open and you’re sure the knob dented the wall. 

You don’t even blink. His theatrics rarely faze you anymore. You shift on your bed to face the wall. 

You don’t have energy for this. 

Gojo knows you since your childhood. You hadn’t always been so easy to tire. But Jujutsu work was a lot. It accumulated fatigue that  drained you physically and emotionally ever so often. 

“You cancelled on Ieri, I knew something was up and I was right!” he placed his hands on his hips. He walks over to you.

You yawn and ignore him. 

Gojo opens a window and pulls out your covers in response. 

“Hey!” you yelp. 

“You go shower while I make you something to eat.” he commands. 

You continue to ignore him. 

He tries to haul you off the bed and into the tub. 

You finally sit up, crossed beyond words. He kneels down so he can look up to you.

“You need a warm shower. It will help you feel better, I promise.” he says firmly, “Get yourself some fresh clothes. I’ll run you a bath.” His tone is is a mix of stern and gentle in away you don’t hear often. 

You grudgingly get up and do as he says. 

You drag yourself off the bed and into the bathroom. As you body soak in the hot water, the fatigue peel off and you feel re energised. You look up at the steam that floats around you. 

Your reverie is interrupted by the kitchen noises.

Why was he doing this? You thought to yourself. This wasn’t like him to cross the boundaries of your home and to check up on you. Sure you were dating, but coming over was way too cozy for Gojo who only ever dated casually. 

You walk out in new clothes, hair still dripping wet. 

Gojo had set up a pot over a portable stove on your dinner table with some food already boiling away. The smell of dinner on the way was already wafting in the air. 

“Thanks for doing this.” You murmur, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face into his chest. 

Gojo resists the urge to pull away or look extremely nonchalant. He’a never been good with commitment or sincere expressions pf affection. 

“The water was nice.” you added. 

He carefully plants his hand your nape and press your forehead on his lips. You body is still warm from the shower. It still shocks him how close he can hold you. 

“If you like the water so much we can go swimming in the summer.” he nods, “I’ve always wanted to go to Okinawa and go diving or snorkeling.”

You briefly pull away, “If we’re still seeing each other.”

He hesitates, “We will.” 

“How do you know we’ll last till then?” 

“I just do.” he pushes. 

“Sure,” you take tour arms off him.

Gojo is not good at commitment. It is hard for him to sustain his interest in any one person, which you’ve accepted when you began dating him. Your set-up isn’t even exclusive. Why was he kidding himself? 

Now that you’ve detached yourself from him. He heads back to the kitchen counter. 

“Because this is the hardest I’ve tried.” he replies softly, “I’m concerned about you you think and how I make you feel. I don’t think I can take the weight of disappointment if things spiral a second time.”

You look at him as he prepares so vegetables. Gojo was your technically your ex-fiancee. You thought the break-up freed him. Maybe you weren’t completely right. 

This is your second shot of your relationship. Why are you surprised that he’s trying so hard? Why is it difficult for you to believe in his sincerity? 

“Okinawa sounds nice, I want some oysters.” you reply, taking out some bowls and chopsticks. 

“I want to see you in a bikini.” He smirks. 

You instinctively throw a towel at him. He dodges with a grin. 

As the meatballs begin to cook, you both take a seat. Gojo recalls his conversation with his student earlier today. 

“Yuuji,” Gojo called out as he enters the kitchen, “I need you to teach me how to make meatballs. I’m bringing them over for a friend.” 

Itadori Yuuji is busy cutting up some mushrooms. Must be hotpot night again for the students. 

“Here take this, this is ready made.” he pulls out a container of meatballs from the fridge.

“Aren’t you going to teach me how o make it?” Gojo asks his student, slightly perplexed.

“You look like you’re in a rush. I can teach you another time,” Iatdori smiles congenially and waves his hand. He causally takes the meat and scallions from Gojo’s bag and begin prepping them for his meal. 

“Is this for you ex-wife?” he causally asks his teacher. 

Gojo snorts, “Ex-fiancee. Yeah that one, they’re not feeling well today. I’m going to drop off something to eat.”

“I think it’s kind of nice you’re a second try.” Yuuji grins good naturedly. 

“The first time wasn’t really a try. Our engagement was arranged.” Gojo packs some other things onto a bag, “Our marriage would have ended in flames if we had pushed through.”

“Yeah, but even if you had married, I think it would eventually work out. It might take years but you clearly do get along and you’re attracted to each other. You’re both willing to put in the work.” Yuuji reasons. 

“Just people try doesn’t mean they always succeed.” Gojo mutters. Yuuji is the eternal optimist. 

“Its not gonna work any better if you don try at all. Relationships aren’t a one time task.” 

“Why can’t you just teach me? It’ll take just a little bit of time.” Gojo asks again. He slings the bag over his shoulder, ready to head out. 

“But a little bit of time is still worth something. More time together is always good.” Yuuji nods. 

“Just take it sensei,” Itadori said before he left the school, “Make the most out of today.” 

——————————————————————

After dinner, you yawn. Gojo goes over your side and sweeps you off your chair. Your legs are dangling awkwardly over his arms. This feels so new yet strangely comfortable.

“Let’s get you back to bed.”

He looks into your eyes, framed by your lashes. Warmth has returned to your cheeks. Your face is brighter than when he first came. 

You lace your arms around his neck. 

Gojo has never been to your house on a personal visit before. He doesn’t know how to feel in this new kind of intimacy—an intimacy outside of sex. It is intensely emotional for him to see you at your lowest, at home, without the trappings of your jujutsu powers or even you work coat. 

Who were you outside your jujutsu sorcerer? Who were the two of you outside of your jujutsu connections? 

“Put me down, I want to stand.” you quietly request. He relents. 

When Gojo gets up to do the dishes, you follow. You’re standing side by side, elbows bumping as a creeping sense of domesticity inches up his spine. 

Gojo prefers to eat out. Cleaning up after dinner was like breakfast after sex—too much commitment. 

“If this is freaking you out, we can stop.” You mumble, quickly reading through him “I can do the dishes and you can just go.”

He’s surprised by the exit you create for him, but he buckles down.

“I’m not running away from anything tonight.” he says. He’s shirking from extra time, not from his feelings and definitely not from you. 

He fills his ears with the sound of clanking dishes and your slow and steady breath. His time today was your anyways. Why would he take it back? Domesticity is unfamiliar, but he so badly wants to give it a shot. 

After all the dishes are put aside, you wipe his hands dry with the kitchen towel. His heart is racing, his palms sweaty. He thinks about cracking a joke to hide his tension, but decides otherwise. 

You eyes look steadily at him, as if testing him to see if he will sat or go. He takes the towel and gently dries off your hands, careful to get in between your fingers and to be gentle around your wrists. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” he remarks, “even if you don’t believe me.”

“I’m really trying.” he adds. 

“I believe you.” you nod. Some of the tension and discomfort in his face fades. 

You walk towards your room, “I’m going to bed. I’m tired.”

He scurries behind you, turning off the lights as he goes “Can I lie down beside you?”

You’re taken by surprise but you don’t let it show. 

“Sure.”

Gojo mostly lies on top of the sheets and he watches you tuck yourself in. You look so young like this — pajamas, no make up, no work clothes. 

You were arranged to be married by 20 and you look just that age. He notices you staring back at him, inspecting him in this new angle you’re both experiencing for the first time. 

“Did you ever think about what our first night would be like?” you ask candidly.  

He rolls onto his back and stares into the ceiling, “It would probably be awkward. I’ve thought about taking a sleeping pill to knock myself out. What about you?”

“Just the usual stuff.” you shrug. 

“What usual stuff?” he prods. 

You make a face and reply, “I guess I expected you’ll about some of my habits that I’m embarrassed about eventually.”

“It’s not the sex?” he asks surprised. 

You laugh and shake your head. When you were younger you were curious about it, but once you learned what it was it didn’t seem as interesting to you. 

“No, I thought the sex would just make me sad. Judging by the way things were going then, you’d be thinking of someone else while I give myself to you.” you turn away from him as you talk, sheepish to voice your hurt out loud and look at him in the eye at the same time, “You’d make me feel small, like my family did. For most of my life, my only value was to be married to you and I couldn’t even feel good in it.”

Your words heave silence into the room. You don’t know what expression he has on. 

“Man, I sound like horrible husband.” he murmurs. 

You slowly turn back to him. 

“But that was what would have happened if we had married at 20. That’s not us anymore.” you shake your head. 

Your faces so close your noses touched. 

“What are you doing?” he half-asks. 

You press your face to his shoulder. He pulls away a bit to get under the sheets. He wraps an arm around you and uses his other arm to turn off the lights. 

“Can I stay tonight?” he breathes in your smell even though he already knows the answer. You feel so impossibly soft against him, he feels the lull of sleep approaching. 

“Yes,” you barely whisper, “always.”

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I wrote this as a follow up for another Gojo x reader fic who used to be engaged. Check out the other parts!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8

Comment or message to be added to the taglist! Or write down some comments about your feelsssss

Series Taglist: @tokyo-love-hotel @samkysnks@herownescape@cherrianne192@shamelessdonutsludgebanana@kageyamakock@shirostrbl@luvang3l @cloudsinthecosmos@httpjungoo @saturnki  @itstheee-ha-chan @gucci-froggy @soy1melk @dora-the-grownup@cherryonigiri

If you’d like to continue being part of my taglist (JJK or Haikyuu), please let me know! I also write oneshots for both fandoms and soon I’ll be doing BSD too!

[ayellowcurtain]

Maybe you could create one where Sander has been at Robbe's house for several days and he doesn't want to be on his side, so Senne bothers him for being so in love. and you could add if you can something from the other alpha so that it continues to provoke Sander's jealousy. and as always strength and love!

can you write something about that Sander accidentally cut his hand and Robbe taking care of him.

Maybe you could continue with the other day after nesting, as Sander watches Robbe sleep and realizes that he wants to stay with him for more days, but he doesn't know how to ask Robbe. and he looks for excuses to extend his visit, but when he sees that Robbe receives a message from the other alpha asking him for a new appointment because Robbe "is perfect". confirming to Sander that he just wants to be with Robbe.

Part 7

They went to bed really late, Sander is not sure, but it felt like the sun was starting to warm the sheets underneath him when he fell asleep.

Maybe it wasn’t the sun, maybe the sheets were still warm from the rolling around every time, trying to find a cold spot where they could start all over again. His head is hurting a little, but it’s easy to ignore when he feels a weight on his chest, drool drying where he feels a slow and warm breath against his naked chest. And the smell is even better.

If he could, Sander would definitely save Robbe’s smell somewhere that he could smell it whenever needed. It gets even better when they’re together, can even cure his hangover and shame for being found drunk inside a bar, craving Robbe’s reassurance that he was still the one.

Sander huffs laughter, covering his face with his hand, embarrassed but also happy that Robbe went looking and even found him. Only he could find Sander. Robbe is still clearly far from waking up, but Sander still misses him, still needs to look at Robbe with his open brown eyes staring up at Sander and know that he still likes him, even if just a little bit. 

So Sander moves carefully, with his eyes constantly on Robbe’s face, stopping whenever he frowns and whines, even if just a little, slowly lying on his side, pulling his arms from underneath Robbe’s head.

Once he’s out of Robbe’s reach, his instincts crave his touch and his warm again, but Sander controls himself, crawling on top of Robbe, carefully sitting on his tighs as Robbe pulls his pillow closer, burying his face against it and falling back asleep. Sander watches for a little more, trying to save every detail perfectly inside his brain, but then he wants to kiss Robbe so badly.

He moves back to his knees and hands again, smiling to the sleepy Robbe underneath him, starting to kiss the side of his neck, looking up constantly to make sure Robbe’s eyes are still shut.

Sander makes sure to not miss a single inch of his back, smiling against his smooth skin when Robbe shivers or when he feels his muscles moving under his skin due to Sander’s kisses.

He stops when his shin bumps into Robbe’s underwear and looks up, almost sure Robbe is awake by now, just pretending to be asleep. Sander kisses the small of his back slowly, getting closer and closer to his boxers.

“Stop.”  Robbe whispers with a raspy voice and Sander does as he’s told, just touching Robbe’s skin when he asks.

“What? I wasn’t going anywhere…” Sander teases, biting his lip when he feels Robbe quietly lifting his hips from the mattress. He whines and opens his legs, bending one leg up to the side until his left foot meets his right knee.

“I know, that’s why I asked you to stop...because I’m gonna have to force you to go lower…” Sander looks up and he can’t see, but he hears Robbe’s smile in the way that he talks.

Sander likes to tease and Robbe likes it too, so Sander bites as close as he can to Robbe’s boxers, slowly moving it down with both his hands, having to swallow his own moan when he feels Robbe’s ass filling both his hands.

He’s not in a rush so he takes his times sitting on his heels, slowly pulling Robbe’s underwear down his legs, carefully taking it off his feet. Robbe’s phone keeps buzzing nonstop on his nightstand, but Sander is more than happy to ignore it, but Robbe moves away from him, snaking up the bed to reach for it.

“Robbe…”

“Just a second, stay right where you are.” Sander sighs as loud as he can to make his annoyance clear, but he sits back on his heels like he was told to do and he waits. Robbe moves to lie on his back and press play and Sander’s patience flies out the window the instant he hears the voice.

Hey, Robbe...it’s me. You left me on read last night after our date...I’m sorry if I said something stupid or...I don’t know, wasn’t what you were expecting...I thought our date was doing so fucking good. Please, can we have another one? If I didn’t say or do anything wrong and you just really needed to go, can we have another one? Maybe we could go somewhere...more private...Anyway, please, Robbe. If you feel like it, let’s go on another date...you’re perfect and I’m not one to give up easily.

Sander quickly crawls on top of Robbe again, grabbing Robbe’s phone from his hand - keeping it high enough over his head so Robbe won’t reach - before he can start typing a reply to that ridiculously cheesy and disgusting audio.

“You were on a date last night?” Sander is glad he managed to hide how feral he’s going inside because of the newfound information.

Robbe tries to reach his phone, but Sander is sitting on his stomach, not letting him move much. “It was just a couple of drinks.”

“Why did you leave him? It sounds like it was sudden…”

“I wanted to go look for you,” Robbe answers easily with no shame. Sander frowns, but his instincts love Robbe’s words, he almost hums because of it.

“Why?”

“Just because.” Robbe settles back against his pillow, sighing in annoyance, but his body is still very relaxed.

“It was because of the heat.” It’s the only explanation Sander can think of and one side of him gets really cocky thinking about Robbe needing him during his heat, not anyone else.

“No, Sander. You always think everything is that physical, huh?”

“It isn’t?” He has to ask, sounding more confident than how he feels. “Are you going to answer him?”

“Should I just read and ignore his texts?”

“Yes?” It’s the obvious answer, but Sander knows Robbe would never do that. He’s way too nice.

“Sander…”

He rolls his eyes and gives Robbe his phone back, moving away from him, searching for his underwear in the mess of clothes, blankets, and pillows they threw out of the bed during the night. Everything smells the same and Sander just wants a quick way out, not feeling like listening to his Robbe flirty-texting someone else.

So he finally finds it and puts his underwear and rushes out of the bedroom, ignoring Robbe’s requests for him to stay in bed.

Robbe’s place is oddly organized and clean. It’s probably part of his nesting craves. Not that he’s not usually organized, but it feels extra clean and homey this morning. The soft yellow sun light diffusing when meeting Robbe’s white curtains turn the whole flat into a pastel yellow. It’s very soft, but Sander starts to feel too hot with all this warm light surrounding him from every direction.

Sander goes straight to the kitchen, looking down, too inside himself to remember where the cups are. With each cabinet he opens and doesn’t find what he’s looking for, Sander gets more frustrated, thinking that Robbe is not there to tell him where things are because he’s too busy trying to keep a stranger interested. His heart is beating too fast, too big inside his small ribcage.

He finally finds the cups, glasses ones that feel heavy on his hand, probably expensive. And Sander just needs to let some of his energy out and it just feels too necessary not to.

He throws the glass across the room with all his strength, watching as one cup turns into hundreds of pieces on the old tile floor.

It helps, but only for the quickest second. Way too soon, Sander is back to feeling anxious, feeling his skin harsh and sensitive, almost too tight for him and he just wants to scream, to find another way to let his frustrations out.

Robbe’s worried voice is muffled by the walls between them, but it makes Sander start moving around the kitchen, collecting all the glass from the floor, putting it all on his palm to find a way to throw away after.

He hears the smooth sound Robbe’s socks make as he rushes against the wood floor and stops at the kitchen door.

“What happened?” Sander could hear Robbe coming and still, he jumps when he hears him just a few feet away from him, instantly feeling one of the glasses sinking into his palm.

“Fuck!” He gets up and drops all the glass inside the sink, opening his hand again to see a string of blood turn wider in his palm, soon painting his whole hand bright red.

“Shit, Sander…” Robbe comes closer before he can ask him not to, grabbing his hand and opening the tap and the cold water hits the cut instantly. “Do you think there’s some glass inside your cut?” Robbe leans down, looking at his hand closely.

Sander can handle pain, he thinks he’s quite good at it, but something about this cut crossing his entire palm crosswise it’s almost unbearable.

“No, shit, it was just a cut, it’s clean.” He’s not sure, but he says like he is, Robbe’s body is in front of him, keeping Sander from seeing his own hand. He feels Robbe’s gentle touch close to his injury, pressing carefully, still letting the water wash the blood out.

Sander puts his working hand on Robbe’s shoulder, his inspection is starting to make Sander nauseous and dizzy.

“Can you just get me some bandage?”

His touch makes Robbe listen and nod his head, instantly putting his hand carefully down against the cold counter, rushing to the bathroom. Sander can hear when his nervous hands drop probably everything inside his cabinets in search of something to put on Sander’s hand. He doesn’t look at his hand, but lets it under the water, waiting for Robbe.

More loud noises, Robbe probably kicking things out of his way to go back to the kitchen.

“Here.” He rushes to Sander’s side, putting a bunch of plastic bags on the counter, opening the bandages, and biting some tape off to put around the bandages.

Sander lets him lead, distracting himself by how gentle and caring Robbe is. He cleans and dries the cut very carefully, looking closely as he puts the bandage precisely over it, rolling the tape all around his hand on both ends, making sure it’s not too tight, but tight enough.

“I don’t wanna lose you, Robbe.” He realizes and says it out loud at the same time, noticing how Robbe is caught by surprise, stopping for a second from gathering all the empty packages.

“I'm afraid that's not possible either, so…” He says easily, with no weight or actual meaning to his words, and Sander bites the inside of his cheek, hating that he was to explain when he’s talking seriously. Even if he takes it so lightly, Sander doesn’t want his bite to be an excuse that Robbe often uses to Sander and to himself as to why they keep coming back to each other.

Sander is in love. He knows that now and he thinks Robbe might be in love too and the thought of it just being because of his bite makes Sander want to leave and never come back, feeling so ashamed. Robbe is better off without him anyway.

Robbe finally lets go of his hand and turns around, but his eyes only meet Sander’s for a brief moment, stepping to the side to throw everything away. Sander inhales deeply, looking at Robbe. “You have a choice, I won't force you to be with me, you don’t deserve that. I’m sure a lot of people did it differently, not staying with...you know, the ones.”

Robbe nods his head, still looking down, leaning against the counter behind him.

“I know.”

“I like you, Robbe. That’s what you wanna hear? I’m falling in love with you and I just don’t know what to do with that, I never fell in love before and I’m just fucking struggling! But I do like you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, the two of us, forever.”

Robbe looks up through his lashes and huffs the smallest laughter, his long, soft brown hair moving with him and Sander wishes he could live this morning over and over again, for the rest of his life.

[tsukishimasleftglasseslense]

Shaggy

A Tsukishima Kei x Fem!Reader Oneshot

Here’s my first go at writing a reader insert with my fave Haikyuu boy! Hopefully y’all like it💖

Warning: Smutt, oral, dry humping, and of course strong language

👀 👀 👀

Music played softly in the background of the room where the lighting was intimate and the two people on the bed were enjoying each other's company.

The small girl was sat up against the wall singing along to the music as she ran her fingers through the hair of the boy whose head rested on her thighs. He faced away from her scrolling through his phone and occasionally showing her some post that made him think of her or that he thought she might like.

It wasn't an exciting moment, but it's simplicity still made their hearts flutter even if they would never say it out loud.

"Your hair is getting shaggy." Y/N hummed as she held a tuft of hair that had grown long enough to cover his ear.

Tsukishima froze and his face burned red. Just as he was about to sit up and pull away, she spoke again.

"I like it like this. It's cute."

The fire under the skin of his cheeks burned brighter than before, but he spoke calmly.

"I'm not cute." He replied.

"I think you are so whatever."

Feeling his face had gone back to normal, he turned to look up at her and she covered his eyes.

"You're smearing my glasses." He told her flatly.

"Yeah cause you're trying to look at me from the worst angle possible. You always see me from above cause you're so tall which makes me look cute. If you saw from below, you'd think I was gross." She explained quickly.

"I always think you're gross."

"Dick." She grumbled. "And here I was calling you cute. I take it back."

Tsukishima sat up and her hand pulled away his glasses so she could clean them.

When she was satisfied with the clear lenses, she handed them back, but he only tossed them to the side and took hers off as well.

"Well now neither of us can see." Y/N huffed as she struggled to focus her eyes on his face.

"Only one of us is truly blind without their glasses." He replied as he leaned closer to her so she could see the grin plastered on his face.

She put her hand on his cheek and inspected every inch of his face before planting a soft kiss on his nose. He closed his eyes and put his face in the crook of her neck hiding the blush on his cheeks.

How could he let her make him so flustered? She truly did control him.

His hot breath warmed her skin and she giggled as his hair tickled her ear. Her hands found their way back to his blonde locks and as her pinkie grazed the soft skin on the back of his neck, he shivered ever so lightly, but of course she noticed.

"What an affect I have on you, Tsukki." She whispered before moving so quickly he didn't have a chance to react.

In an instant, he was on his back and she straddled his torso with her face only an inch above his. Her hair formed curtains on either side of her head and her hands pressed down on his shoulders.

"Be careful with how you give yourself away to me." She grinned as she placed a kiss on his jaw line and left a trail of kisses up to his ear. "You're giving me more power than you think and I'm going to abuse it."

"I think you're the one giving yourself to me. We were having such a soft moment and in your eagerness, you turned it into something more animalistic. You're the horny one here. Who is really in control?" He spoke coolly.

He grabbed her waist and pressed her into himself further and kissed her collarbone.

"Whatever." She sighed as she threw her leg over and sat on the edge of the bed. She grabbed her glasses and stood up moving to the speakers set up in the corner of the room and turned up the music.

She swayed from side to side and began to dance around the room not paying any attention to what he was doing.

He sat up as well and put his own glasses on in order to really look at her not looking at him. He was growing more and more frustrated the more she didn't pay attention to him. The way she moved her hips and ran her hands through her long hair was driving him insane and his own body was giving him away.

When she did turn to face him and saw his excitement bulging through his sweats, she sauntered over to him with a grin knowing she was getting what she wanted.

She placed herself on his lap and the heat between her legs seeped through the dark fabric. She rotated her hips to the music never meeting his gaze that was locked onto her features.

He lifted a hand to her waist and tried to pull her flush against him, but she smacked his hand so that both stayed on the bed to support him so he couldn't lie down. Her hands rested behind her on his thighs so she could keep her own balance. Her head lulled back exposing her neck and her back arched as she began to speed up.

Pants escaped her plump lips and he groaned at the noise that completed the view.

She balanced her weight on one hand as the other cane under her shirt and began to grab at her breast. She pinched her nipple between her thumb and index finger causing her to moan and then did the same with the other.

When she slid her hand down her stomach and down below the lining of her panties, she whined at the slightest touch already being so sensitive and close. She rubbed small circles in a steady rhythm that worked well with the friction she was already getting.

Tsukishima grunted lowly when her panting sped up. He knew she was close and he wanted nothing more than to be inside her, but he knew she wasn't going to let that happen.

"Oh fuck." She huffed before shaking as she reached her climax. Her body rocked for a moment and she had to place her free hand back onto his thigh to steady herself.

When she finally gathered herself, she hopped off his lap and walked out of the room to the bathroom.

There, still on the edge of the bed and just behind his own edge, Tsukishima was silent. He didn't know if he should finish himself or wait for her to come back. He wanted to fuck her so bad right now. To press her into the mattress and make her beg for him to make her cum again. He wanted to make her lose her ability to speak correctly. He wanted to fuck her till she came all over him and then do it all over again.

As he was deciding what to do, she walked back in as if nothing had happened.

"Go ahead and finish." She told him as she sat in the chair on the opposite wall to face him.

"Come here then."

"No."

He didn't know what he should do. He wanted to finish himself so bad, but he also didn't want to give her that satisfaction.

'Fuck it.' He thought quickly.

He reached into his sweats and pulled his dick out and stroked slowly never breaking eye contact. She watched with a fire in her eyes and one corner of her mouth pulled up into a smirk.

"Want me to give you something to look at?" She offered.

"I already know what you look like."

"But you haven't seen this set of lingerie yet."

Another groan escaped his lips and he cursed himself for giving her what she wanted.

Y/N stood up and slipped her shorts down, but he couldn't yet see what she was wearing since his large t-shirt she had on reached to her mid thighs. When she finally took off the shirt and her hair fell over her shoulders, his hips bucked in excitement and she sat back down on the chair.

"If you ask nicely, I'll finish up for you."

"I'd rather do it myself."

"We both know that's not true. Leave a set of lingerie in one piece? That doesn't sound like you Tsukki." She hummed.

"Kei." He corrected her.

"Tsukki." She declined from using his first name.

She knew using his first name would send him over. He loved how she said it.

"Ugnh." He breathed out at how bratty she was today.

"Just say the words." She sang lightly.

He grit his teeth together still rubbing himself. He could easily finish, but he was prolonging the end. Normally it would only be a matter of time before she came over to him, but he knew this time was different and she was gonna stand her ground.

"Please, Y/N. Come over here and let me fuck you." He caved.

Her smirk turned into a sadistic smile as she stood and moved over to him.

"Was that so hard?"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

He pulled her onto his lap and unclasped her bra and threw it across the room. His mouth attacked her breasts and his hands grabbed at her ass through the thin lace of her panties.

She wrapped her hands around his neck and rubbed her core against his bare member making him moan.

"Fuck me, Kei." She whispered in his ear and that was all he needed.

He flipped her onto the mattress and ripped the baby blue lace with his teeth and launched it elsewhere. He put her legs over his shoulders and went down into her already wet folds.

"Already so wet." He teased as he blew a stream of cold air making her wiggle.

He held her hips down and licked her soft and shiny skin making her take in a sharp breath. He worked his magic for a minute or so and she came quickly and out of breath.

He slid his fingers in and pumped as he moved his face to hers and kissed her sloppily.

His tongue pushed through her lips and she could taste herself with each swipe of his tongue on hers. She moaned in his mouth as he pumped his fingers in and out of her.

He pulled his fingers out and placed them in her mouth which she sucked on and let out another moan as he slid inside her filling her up.

Y/N looked into his eyes as she swirled her tongue around his fingers and he thrusted deeper into her.

Her eyes were wide and filled with lust. Her hair fanned around her head creating a halo which he found ironic considering the deadly sin in her burning gaze.

Her hips moved in time with his in order for him to go in as far as he could. When her back began to arch and the moans coming from her became loud and needy, he sped up ever so slightly and she let out the sweetest cry as she came with him following right behind her not slowing down until he had completely finished.

He pulled out of her and fell beside her. Both of their chests rose and fell heavily trying desperately to get enough air.

The baby hairs on Y/N’s forehead stuck to her damp skin as she stared at the ceiling that was normally white, but was now colored a soft orange. She looked over at Tsukishima who was already looking at her.

“I love all your angles by the way.” He whispered.

Y/N’s lips split into a smile that melted his cold heart.

“I love you.”

[lolainslackss]

Could you do number 13 for the winter prompts? For Andreil?

a couple of people asked for this one!

13. my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and i’m so sorry

Andrew’s lying on his bed, half-asleep, when Aaron knocks on the door and lets himself in. The smell of the Christmas dinner Nicky and Erik are preparing wafts in after him: roast turkey, buttery potatoes, and the spicy hint of pumpkin pie. Aaron sits down on his own bed, which is across from Andrew’s, and clears his throat.

“Hey,” he says. “Remember how I invited someone over for Christmas dinner? Um, that guy Neil?”

“Your sad friend from the Christmas tree farm?” Andrew replies, regarding him out of one open eye. “Yes, you already said.”

Aaron always worked at the tree farm over the holidays to earn some extra cash. He put most of it towards buying Katelyn these ludicrously extravagant presents - a complete waste in Andrew’s opinion. This year, he’d become chummy with some other guy who worked there hauling Christmas trees around. This Neil guy apparently had nowhere to go for the holidays, so was clearly some kind of walking tragedy. Aaron had told him and Nicky the whole sob story a couple of weeks ago before asking them if it was okay to invite Neil to dinner. Nicky had called Aaron the kindest boy in the world. Andrew did too, but in a more mocking tone.

“Well, I was thinking,” Aaron goes on, fiddling with his comforter, “you know how it’s going to be like, me and Katelyn, and Nicky and Erik?”

“Uh-huh,” Andrew replies, bored of the conversation.

“And how Kevin’s bringing Thea?” Aaron continues, making eye contact with the ground. “And how Renee’s coming with Allison?”

“Are you going to make some kind of point any time soon?” Andrew asks, a creeping feeling of apprehension worming its way through his gut.

“I kind of, sort of, asked Neil to come because I thought he might be a good um, match,” Aaron says rapidly. “You know, for you.”

“A good match. For me,” Andrew repeats, sitting up and twirling round on his knees to face Aaron. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I think you two could really hit it off. If you know what I mean?”

“I thought you invited him because he’s very unfortunate.”

“Yeah, that was part of the reason,” Aaron explains, looking defensive. “The other part is because I think that he’s, well, your type.”

“I don’t have a type,” Andrew snarls, “and if I did, you would be the last to know about it.”

Aaron mirrors his glare for a second before frowning and looking down at the floor. He looks disappointed almost, like he was so sure he was being a brilliant brother. So sure he was doing Andrew a favour. Andrew hates him a little bit for it.

“Is he even gay?” Andrew finds himself asking.

“Um- I think so?” Aaron says, extremely uncertainly. “He has like, a vibe?”

“A vibe?” Andrew parrots blankly. “Stop pretending you have anything resembling a gaydar. Remember that you needed me to literally spell it out for you and you’ve known me since day fucking one.”

“You could just ask him,” Aaron says, shrugging. “When he gets here.”

“Maybe you should have made things clear before you invited him over here to go on some fucking blind date with me.”

“Well, he doesn’t know it’s a blind date.”

“He doesn’t know?”

“He just thinks he’s coming over for dinner.”

“I cannot believe I share DNA with you.”

“Well, he’s coming. I’m sorry,” Aaron says, holding his hands up in surrender. “We can drop the whole blind date thing, alright? Just dinner, okay?”

Andrew nods, but in hindsight, he should have made Aaron pinkie promise, because as soon as Neil Josten is ushered through their door twenty minutes later, Aaron is shoving him in the seat next to Andrew’s.

“So, this is Andrew,” Aaron says, putting his hands on Neil’s shoulders and holding him in place. “You’re going to sit next to him, okay?”

Andrew glares at Aaron over the top of Neil’s head, but his twin just pointedly raises his eyebrows before spinning on his heel and scooting through to the kitchen under the pretence of ‘helping out’. As if Aaron is any use in the kitchen.

Neil mutters something like ‘thanks for having me’, which Andrew returns with a miniscule shrug, before the room goes completely silent. It’s like, church silent. Andrew inspects his cutlery for water marks so he has something to do. After that, he unfolds and refolds his napkin. Finally, there’s nothing else to do but fucking look at Neil Josten. He turns his head fractionally to the side and sneakily slides his gaze in the guy’s direction.

He’s a little taller than himself. He’s quiet, apparently content to sit in the most painfully awkward silence that there ever was, but there’s also a sliver of tension in his body language that indicates he’s not one hundred percent comfortable with the situation. As Andrew watches him, Neil looks around the room, taking in every detail. He’s attractive, Andrew can admit that. His clothes (grey hoodie, unironed slacks) are terrible, but he has a nice face. Winter blue, Andrew thinks, rather stupidly, when Neil finally turns and their eyes properly meet for the first time.

Neil smiles awkwardly at him. The smile creates a tiny star of a dimple in his left cheek. Below it, Andrew notices some pale, silvery scarring.

“I hate small talk, just so you know,” Andrew tells him, looking away.

“Okay,” Neil says. “No small talk.”

The doorbell rings, and Andrew gets out of his seat and hurries to the door. As he does so, he wonders if Neil has figured out the whole thing’s a set-up yet, and if he has, what his opinion on that is. He also wonders if his brain will ever stop thinking useless thoughts.

He opens the door and Renee and Allison make their way inside, undoing their matching puffy jackets and unwinding their scarves as they do so.

“Save me,” Andrew mutters darkly into Renee’s ear as she pulls him in for a hug.

“What?” Renee asks.

“Aaron has brought this guy,” he says under his breath, jerking his head in the direction of the table. “It’s a set-up. A pretty obvious one, really.”

Renee’s brow creases as she watches Neil sitting placidly with his hands in his lap. “Does he know?”

Andrew shrugs.

“Do you want him to know?” Allison chimes in, grinning slyly. “He’s pretty.”

“Keep your voice down,” Andrew bites out, causing Neil to look at all three of them.

“Neil, hello!” Allison calls over, striding across the room to shake his hand. “We’ve heard so much about you-”

As Andrew and Renee stand by the door to watch Allison attempt to charm Neil, the doorbell jingles again.

Andrew lets Kevin and Thea inside and shoots Renee a look. She gets the message and guides them to the table. Andrew busies himself with hanging the coats and scarves and tries to think of what his next move is going to be. When they’re all sat around the table, paired off, eating dinner, it’s going to be even more obvious Aaron intended for him and Neil to be an item for the evening. The problem is that he can’t really tell if Neil’s into it. He can’t really tell if he’s into it. He’s never had a blind date before. He’s never even had a date before. Jerking off Roland in the backseat of his car doesn’t count, he knows that. What is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to say?

The doorbell pipes up again and he silently lets Katelyn come inside. He ignores her cheerful babbling and stuffs her coat on the rack next to Renee’s. Annoyingly, she was the last person to arrive which means he can’t even waste any more time lurking by the door like some weird butler.

He walks back to the table and returns to his seat next to Neil.

“Your friends are nice,” Neil says, nudging Andrew’s elbow with his own.

“They’re not my friends,” Andrew mumbles, ignoring the flush warmth of Neil’s skin. “And we said no small talk.”

“Sorry,” Neil says exaggeratedly. “Do you want to talk about moral philosophy or something instead?”

Andrew narrows his eyes at him. Was that flirting? Flirting about ethics? Is that something people do?

Before he can respond, Nicky kicks open the door and he, Erik and Aaron parade inside the room holding overflowing platters of food. It takes them several trips to carry all the food through to the table. By the time the turkey is plonked down in front of him, Andrew can sense all eyes are on him. Everyone is so nosy; Nicky should have served popcorn instead. Andrew carves his veggies into confetti, hating everyone.

“What happened there?” Allison asks bluntly, waving her fork just under her eye. It’s the same spot where Neil’s scars lie.

“Got into a fight with a Christmas tree,” Neil answers, deadpan.

Allison laughs loudly and Andrew sips his wine to hide his smirk.

“It’s true,” Aaron says. “I saw it. Very violent.”

“I thought I knew you from somewhere,” Kevin barks triumphantly, slamming his fist on the table like he’s some sort of drunken pirate in a tavern. “Thea - this guy helped us pick out our tree last week.”

“And now he’s dating Andrew?” Thea asks, confused.

“What?” Neil asks, mercifully hard of hearing all of a sudden.

“Nothing,” Aaron says. “Who wants dessert?”

Andrew raises his hand and then gulps down a generous swig of wine for posterity. He’s sure this dinner is going to be his legitimate cause of death.

Conversation messily nosedives into drinking games over dessert, and by the time everyone’s plates are empty, the majority of the dinner guests are mildly tipsy. Because Andrew’s life is just one misfortune stacked on top of another, he loses one of the convoluted games and has to clean the dishes as a forfeit.

“Neil will help you,” Renee says sweetly as she passes him her plate.

Traitor, he mouths at her, to which she just shrugs and sips her peppermint tea.

Aaron stacks up the remainder of the plates and unloads them into Neil’s arms and then they’re both being shooed into the kitchen. Aaron even closes the door. Andrew swears if there were a lock, they’d be barricaded inside until they kissed as if it were fucking seven minutes in heaven or something. He dumps the dirty dishes into the foamy water and starts scrubbing them. He feels stuffed, vaguely horny and not even remotely tipsy.

He passes Neil a clean wet plate.

“So, this is a set-up, right?” Neil asks, drying it.

“Yes,” Andrew admits, shoving a roasting tray down to the bottom of the sink to soak.

“Aaron didn’t tell me,” Neil says, sighing as he stacks the dry plates on top of each other. “I wonder why he thought-?”

“He thought you were ‘my type’,” Andrew explains.

“Am I?” Neil asks.

“I don’t have a type,” Andrew chooses to say, otherwise thinking, fuck yes.

“Was this weird for you?” Neil asks.

“Not in the way you’re thinking,” Andrew says, shrugging. “You?”

“It’s kind of difficult to have a supposed ‘first date’ with someone when all their family and friends are present.”

You’ve hit the nail on the head, Andrew thinks. He pulls the plug, swivels round and leans against the counter. His marigold gloves drip plump drops of water onto the tiles. Neil’s sleeves are rolled up, revealing a spattering of brown freckles. He catches Andrew staring and grins and it lights up the room like a fucking Christmas tree. What a missed opportunity, Andrew thinks bitterly.

“Why don’t we try again?” Neil asks.

“What, like a proper date?” Andrew says, suppressing the urge to scoff. “Roses and candles?”

“No roses or candles,” Neil replies, shaking his head. “No small talk.”

“No meddling friends and family,” Andrew adds.

“Sounds good,” Neil says, reaching out to brush a rogue soap sud from Andrew’s cheek.

“Okay, then,” Andrew says, making a mental note to get Aaron something half-decent for Christmas. “It’s a date.”

[pandatowrites]

Good Girl

A late Birthday gift for @lankylevi

Rating: E (lemon) Warnings: No Warnings Apply Relationships: Female Levi/Female Eren Yeager Tags: Praise Kink, Vaginal Fingering, Edgeplay, Sex Toys, it’s a vib, Scissoring, Oral Sex, Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting Read on AO3 or under the cut

 Eren was indeed a stunner. Levi had to admit that. She was a honest person, after all.   She loved the way the drops of water rolled down Eren’s tanned body, especially when they found their way over those full, muscular thighs, where she liked to place her head in between. The “other lips” deserve some kisses from time to time, too, after all.    Adding to her already head-turning appearance, the cerulean swimsuit hugged Eren’s curves tightly. When one took a closer look, one could made out her nips under the wet fabric. The suit pressed her bust closer to her rib cage, flattening Eren’s chest a great amount. As a swimmer that participated in tournaments, she had to glide through the water with a minimum of resistance to be as fast as possible.

 As previously mentioned, Levi had to admit that Eren was a doll.

 But she detested that other people shared that opinion.

 Two brown and messy ponytails fell to Eren’s shoulders when she pulled off her black bathing cap, before scratching her dry scalp. She wrapped a fluffy, white towel around her upper body, covering and drying her at the same time, and emptied her half-filled water bottle. Due to the heavy breathing that made her chest rise and fall more heavily, it was obvious that she was exhausted. Eren wouldn’t want to admit it, but sometimes she was too eager to win. Levi loved Eren’s competitive nature. Her lover’s green eyes shone even more brightly when she pushed herself to achieve her goals.    Usually, Levi couldn’t leave her alone for more than a minute to use the indoor aquatic centre’s bathroom - not that she wanted to use it; the only other options were holding it in for an hour or pissing in the pool, but those options weren’t appealing -. and the reason why was presented to her when she returned. As soon as Eren had emptied the bottle, a young man had approached her. He was taller than Levi and his whole appearance let everyone know that he was a fuckboy. Not to mention that he seemed to store a pair of socks in the front of his bathing trunks. His skin was tanned, complimented his light brown hair with the paintbrush hairstyle, and his evil green eyes promised no good.  

 »Hey«, the guy greeted the brunette woman, rubbing his neck and leaning against the trash can in which Eren intended to throw her plastic bottle. Levi saw her shoulders tense from under the towel even from across the pool. »You swim really well.«    »Thanks. I love to survive when I jump into the water«, she replied with a plain smile.

 After giving her an odd look, because he had obviously not expected to be confronted with such an answer, he refused to let the beautiful woman go. »Yeah, uh, do you wanna join my boys and me for a match of water polo? Later we could go to McDonald’s, too.«

 »No, I’m expected«, Eren declined the offer, again with a plain smile painted on her face, before shoving the guy’s arm off the lid of the trash can to finally throw away her garbage.   »Expected? By whom?« , the man asked in a curious tone.    »By her girlfriend, you dipshit.«

 Surprised by the growling voice behind him, the startled man flinched and turned around only to be introduced to said girlfriend. Levi’s eyes were about 20cm closer to the ground than his, but when he read the warning in that piercing grey, he knew that it was time to leave. »Oh, really? Yeah, uh, did I say we need another player? About that, eh, it was a lie. Bye!«    And off he went.

 In opposition to her partner, Eren couldn’t contain a laugh. »Aw, baby, you don’t always have to scare them away. Maybe we would have gotten a free Happy Meal.«

 »It’s funny to see the fear in a man’s eyes when he realizes that a 5’3 tall lesbian could beat the shit outta him.« Levi crossed her arms and glared up into her girlfriend’s green stare. »What’s with that look?«

 »I’m just happy that you decided to wear your bikini without anything else. You’re cute.«

 It had taken off several years of Eren’s life when she went with her then-friend-and-crush, now-lover to the sea two years ago and expected to see what she looked like beneath the neat shirt and the straight skirt, only to be greeted with a very insecure girl that wore a pair of Bermuda shorts and a black shirt on top of her bathing suit. Levi grew up in a strict, religious household. She had told Eren that she felt lucky when her mother, Kuchel, let her wear a skirt that ends above the knee.

 So being the supporting then-friend-and-crusher, now-girlfriend she was, she let Levi wear whatever she wanted - basically Eren’s hoodies, a band tee or an onesie, a pair of black leggings and jeans, or sometimes even a sinfully short skirt - while telling her that it was not the clothing that made her look stunning, it was herself that made her look stunning.    This resulted in Levi being confident enough to get what she always desired: a navel piercing, that was now to be noticed on a porcelain belly, between the two pieces of a black bikini. Admittedly, Eren bought her this one, but only because she had known that Levi would like this one as it didn’t just consist of small triangles connected with a thin string.

 And      oh Lord    , Levi looked gorgeous wearing all that self-confidence. Several years were added again to Eren’s life.

 »Of course you are, honey.« Levi wanted to stroke her long hair as she had always done when she wanted to distract people from her visible blush, yet she was reminded that her hair was now short, an undercut grazed the back of her head. It was her new life, living the way she had always only dreamt of. But now with Eren by her side, everything was within her grasp.

 »How long do you plan to stay here for?«, the brunette woman questioned when she noticed that the sun was on her way to bed, that the rays of sunshine turned golden, that the sky undressed its blue day-dress.

 »Actually, I’m ready to leave. Do you want to swim some more?« Levi pulled her girlfriend closer and inspected her closely while softly petting her sides. »You’re exhausted, hm? You didn’t overstrain your muscles again, did you?«

 »No need to worry, I’m fine, really. Just a bit tired.« Eren planted a chaste kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek and watched both of them being painted a soft rosé. »Let’s go, sweet stuff.«

 Levi threw her towel over the shower stall’s door and left her flip-flops on. Never knowing who had showered in there before made her shiver.

 She turned on the water, closed her eyes at the same time and let the artificial rain wet her body all over again.    Arms found their way around her hips; Levi did not need to see who dared to open the cubicle’s door and hugged her so tightly, but nevertheless she jumped a bit. »Hey«, Eren whispered sweetly into her ear and turned off the water. »I didn’t mean to startle you, sorry, love. Just wanted to ask if you would be so nice to wash yourself for me, my good girl.«

 Her girlfriend instantly knew what she had in mind. »You noticed my glances, huh?«

 »I always feel them on me, they feel so good. Don’t stop them.«

 After that, Eren granted the black-haired woman her privacy, leaving the stall and going back into her own. Levi knew that her girlfriend planned more than fingering for the night because she usually only requested a proper cleaning when she wanted to use her pretty lips, too. Levi always used a nice, mild soap and she swallowed hard. Eren knew her so well to capitalize on Levi’s love of cleanliness.

 While Levi washed her body with a cloth and rubbed sweet smelling sugar body scrub over her skin, she wondered about what Eren was going to do with her tonight. They had talked about toys some time ago, so maybe words would turn to actions. The thought of her girlfriend tying her up or handcuffing her to the bed frame sent a pleasant chill down her spine.

 Was she surprised when Eren scooped her from the ground into her arms after taking off their shoes? No. But Levi definitely had not expected to be carried into the bedroom like a bride. Swimming had made Eren strong and defined the muscles Levi’s fingers danced across. There was no need to exchange words to create sexual tension, the way they undressed each other with their eyes, hungrily and excitedly, was enough to make their heart race in unison.

 Eren planted her girlfriend gently onto the mattress, caging her in between her arms as she hovered over her with not so much distance. They shared a slow, demanding kiss when Levi tugged on the hem of her lover’s shirt as she thought that it was way too much fabric on her.    »Impatient?«, Eren teased with an amused grin before straightening her posture and sitting on her heels.

 »The whole day«, Levi confirmed, also sitting up and pulling her girlfriend down for a hungry kiss while clawing at her hips.

 The answer seemed to please Eren because she sat down on her lover’s lap. »I know, I was busy and couldn’t spend so much time with you during the tournaments, honey, but now I’m gonna show how much I missed you. Will you be a good girl for me, darling?«

 Levi bit down on her lower lip and goosebumps spread all over her. »Yes. I’m always a good girl for you.«

 Her girlfriend smiled and nodded to herself. She relived the times when Levi had agreed on trying out new kinks without judging her for it, no matter how weird it might have sounded to an innocent vanilla girl. Butt stuff, bondage, praise kink - Levi loved it - and more.

 That’s how they both found out how dirty Levi actually was. Her thoughts could be as filthy as Eren’s own, and oh god, the expressions and demands she would sometimes drop from her tongue were words she couldn’t possibly know from the Bible camp.

 Eren grabbed her lover’s hands, closed the distance between them and kissed her lovingly on soft, rosy lips.

 When Levi felt a wet tongue stroking her lips, she opened her mouth more and consented to a soundful French kiss. She was caught under Eren’s hot body and she loved every second of it, especially when the the tongue dance grew more intense, more passionate, more lustful.

 While they shared their lips, Levi slowly unzipped her girlfriend’s sports jacket, only to let her gaze fall onto a new, breathtakingly beautiful lace bra. It perfectly held and accented Eren’s breasts and Levi stared at her lover. It was only a moment later that she realized her mouth hung open.

 »You like it?«, Eren asked, her lips forming a grin once again, and started to plant butterfly kisses down her partner’s neck and then up to her ear, in which she whispered, »I bought it last week. Don’t think I didn’t plan this today.«

 Levi was unable to form the correct words, which was why she let her fingers speak; they removed the sports jacket completely from Eren’s body and threw it over the bed. It fell with a soft thump near her feet. Her gaze travelled over tanned skin, noting every little detail and storing the memory in her brain. The belly was muscular, but still soft, her waist was begging to be tangled in Levi’s arms, and Eren’s shoulder were too flawless, lacking hickeys - actually, they lacked everywhere, if Levi was honest with herself. Tucking the brunet hair behind her girlfriend’s ear, she gave a small, content smile. »You look stunning, Eren«, she breathed onto her lover’s delicate skin after sitting up and spread her love with her lips all over her upper body, on her shoulder, her neck, her chest and her arms. She hugged Eren tightly and tried to unclasp her bra already, but the brunette wasn’t having any of it, so she grabbed Levi’s hands.

 »You’re wearing way too much, good girl.«

 Eren slid her hands underneath her partner’s black hoodie and pulled it over her head as if she had just unwrapped a birthday gift. And then, only then, she noticed that something, a piece of clothing, was missing: a bra. »Damn«, she uttered quietly, her voice not more than a puff.

 Levi took that as a sign that she was now undressed enough, so she proceeded unclasping her girlfriend’s bra and kissing her all over again, appreciating her soft skin. Her hands froze on the clasp, and she planted her lips to the valley between Eren’s breast, inhaling the scent of clean skin, before kissing both breasts as she appreciated the soft skin. She pulled the bra forward and leaned past it to press her lips to Eren’s rosy buds. Then, she began to gently bite them and flick them with her skilled tongue, just the way Eren liked it, earning delicate moans in return.

 »Oh, baby, you’re wonderful… So good to me, pleasing me with your lips«, the brunette praised her while her fingers played with the black, silky hair and her hips rolled on Levi’s lap. She pulled away and pushed her bra the rest of the way off in her impatience to deepen their intimacy.

 They kissed each other on the lips again and Eren laid down with her lover, she was on top and pressed their chests together softly, making Levi gasp in the process as her sensitive nipples brush against those of her lover.

 Soon it came to Eren’s attention that Levi was taking shorter breaths as well as pressing her thighs together, so she decided to interrupt their kiss and asked, how her girlfriend was doing, »Are you alright, Levi? Still comfortable?«

 »Yeah, you just make me horny as hell, you fucking tease.« The raven-haired woman smoothed her hair back and stroked Eren’s cheek tenderly. »Just keep going. I’ll tell you when I’m uncomfortable, believe me. I’m a good girl.«

 The last sentence made her girlfriend’s heart skip a beat and the tingling in her nether regions only increased. »I love you«, Eren blurted out and picked up on their uncompleted kiss.

 Actually being surprised, a quiet squeak left Levi’s throat, but she regained a sense of reality quickly and returned the passionate kiss, until Eren claimed her hands firmly and explored her body with her mouth and nose. The hot huffs of breath on her body, the soft lips and tickling tip of her nose, the pleasure all of that came with, it was an overwhelming sensation.

 Suddenly Eren stopped her pampering to look up into the grey eyes of her girlfriend, filled with love and lust, as well as pleasure and need. »Keep going« was all she had needed to hear and she opened Levi’s pants, pulling them down and leaving here and there a kiss on her legs. »Mh, smooth… Freshly shaved.« It was such a turn on for Eren. Not that she demanded her partner to shave for her - she didn’t mind some fuzzy legs -, but she appreciated the effort.

 »Everything for my darling«, Levi commented teasingly. »Just wait until you see the naked masterpiece between my legs.«

 »It’s always a masterpiece. Especially when you choke me with those thighs of yours, hot stuff.« Levi loved Eren’s dirty praise talk and the result would be taken note of soon.

 Green eyes gazed over the porcelain body, noticing the navel piercing again. Automatically, she looked further down, inspecting the underwear her lover was wearing, and gave in to her inner needs.

 Eren bent down, laying down between her girlfriend’s legs and started to kiss her ‘other lips’, as they jokingly titled the crotch, through the panties.

 Levi felt every ever-so-tender touch through the thin fabric, her heartbeat rang in her ears while her fixated stare on that beautiful face would meet the ecstasy-filled, green gaze every now and then. Her thighs surrounding Eren’s head quivered, the kisses on her private parts tickled her nerves in the best ways.

 But she was completely caught off guard when Eren licked over her crotch with her tongue pressed flat against it, causing a broken, loud moan to erupt from her dry mouth, »Eren..!« She panted, the thin, damp fabric of her underwear created more friction and let her crave contact without a barrier. »Will you stop teasing me? I want to feel you.«

 »Not yet«, Eren replied, and went in once more. She dipped her tongue in the slit, warm and wet, and felt a little bump; Levi’s clitoris. »You need to get wetter for me, baby girl.«

 Now she knew why Eren had not pulled her panties down along with her jeans, she wanted her to get most out of it- more friction, meaning more pleasure.

 Eventually, when the brunette woman felt the slick fluid on her tongue more intensely, she knew that Levi was wet enough, at least for now. They would use lube anyway, but tasting her, letting her wet her panties so much turned her on.

 Eren sat up slowly, licking her lips in the process. Just to be sure, she let her pointer finger run over the now darker part of her lover’s panties and rubbed the slickness between said finger and her thumb. »Everything’s ready. You’re nice and wet. Now, check the drawer.« She started to take off her pants.

 With a raised eyebrow on her face, Levi didn’t hesitate to give in to Eren’s command and rolled on her stomach then opened the nightstand’s drawer. What she saw really did surprise her as it was sudden, but welcomed nevertheless. Not only did it contain lube - cherry flavor - but it also had been a hiding spot for an egg-shaped bullet vibrator and the corresponding remote control. »Oh wow.«

 »Excited, babe?« Eeren watched with hungry and interested eyes her girlfriend as she took the supplies out, spread them over the mattress and challenged her with her a daring glare. »You’ll have to behave. Only good girls deserve this treat, don’t you think so?«

 Swallowing down her nervousness, Levi nodded and wrapped her arms around her lover’s neck. They started another round of fervent kissing, their bodies stained with ros�� paint while they were pressed together.

 They were heating each other up, already sweating a little bit, and when Levi’s back met with the cool sheets again she shivered, squeezing her thighs together.

 Eren nudged one of her knees between her partner’s legs and spread them slightly apart while the kiss grew more demanding, more lustful, more passionate.

 Suddenly, Levi inhaled a breath sharply as the naughty knee started to rub against her crotch and the softer part of her upper legs, sensitive from being exposed. »Dear«, she gasped and became more aware of the moisture.

 »Oh, what’s this?« Eren’s knee retreated, was replaced by her fingers and Levi couldn’t help but whimper. »You’re getting even wetter… You really missed me«, the brunette commented and moved her fingers up and down over the slit, applying only a little pressure and it had Levi almost lose her mind.

 »Baby, please… Don’t be such a fucking brat.« At the realisation of her words, she bit her lip and Eren’s smile grew wider. »I meant, uh, don’t be such a wonderful tease.«

 »Hm, sure« was the only verbal answer she got before she felt a sudden wave of more pleasure. She looked down and saw that Eren still knew exactly where to press down gently to pull a high-pitched mewl from her. »You’ve become so sensitive. Haven’t touched yourself, huh?«, her girlfriend pointed out to watch Levi’s face twist in harmless anger.

 She knew she couldn’t unfold her whole sass, because she was supposed to be a good girl, but she also knew how turned on Eren would get. Also, she was starting to get very impatient. »Actually, I did. Thinking of you, of course. Of your fingers inside me, messing me up on all the right places. Making me beg for more, making me feel      so good    .«

 Levi didn’t need to take a closer look to see how hot Eren grew above her while listening to her filthy words. They had the effect she wanted: Eren’s ears were blushing.

 »My fingers, hm.« The brunette slipped a finger under the wet fabric, stroking and massage the sensitive skin there. »So slippery...« She pulled the fabric aside, inspecting and watching as Levi twitched under her pleasing touch. »You shaved yourself clean. Not a single hair left. A naked masterpiece.« She grabbed the lube bottle, poured a generous amount on her fingers and warmed it up, before resuming to petting her girlfriend affectionately.

 The only warning Levi had was Eren’s concentrated smile when she slipped a finger inside her, receiving a low moan in response. »Fuck«, she sighed, her forearm resting over her eyes and forehead. When the finger started to move slowly, her breathing became deeper and her eyes closed ever so slightly.

 »Babe, you look so fucking gorgeous right now«, Eren complimented her, closed the distance between them as she bent over her lover’s body and started to kiss her passionately.

 At first, she only moved her finger in and out, slowly and gently, but soon she added a second finger. They went in knuckles deep and Eren’s thumb would always hit Levi’s clit, touching it either ever so lightly or pressuring so much it had Levi curl her toes from overextension by pleasure. Her head was swimming from the sensation and the heat growing inside her. Levi could feel the muscles in her stomach coiling and tightening. If Eren was saying anything, she couldn’t tell. The loud pounding of her heart was all that she could make out.

 There was so much friction down there, all the right places were rubbed except for one.

 And when Levi’s sweet spot inside her was finally given attention, when Eren finally curled her fingers and      finally    pressed down on that one tiny spot with her fingertip, she moaned loudly and threw her arms around her lover’s neck. But they didn’t stay there, they were clawing at Eren’s back, leaving scratch marks everywhere. It was overwhelming, it was an explosion, stars were sparkling in her vision, an entire universe spread upon her half-opened eyes.

 »Enjoying yourself?«, Eren asked with an amused, satisfied smile and searched for any sign of discomfort, but Levi couldn’t even form words.

 She loved the way her girlfriend fingered her, making her feel so unbelievably good.

 »You look so gorgeous, baby girl. So beautiful.« The brunette didn’t spew these compliments out to please her girlfriend - at least not only for that reason -, they were heartfelt and genuine. »Just look at you. So full of ecstasy and letting out all these lovely sounds. You sound so hot. You’re so honest with me, so good.« She increased her speed, resulting in Levi arching her back lightly as her sweet spots, both on the outside and the inside, were now hit more often.

 Eren rubbed over the little bump inside of her girlfriend, applying the most pleasuring pressure on that spot, and she felt Levi’s insides clench around her fingers, telling her that she was coming close to her climax.

 The raven-haired woman had expected Eren to make her come like this, as she had built her up so high already that she was disappointed when she felt the emptiness when those skilled fingers were pulled out, leaving her empty and craving for more. »You fuck«, she said, trying to catch a breath and to calm down, only now realising how wet the bed sheet was beneath her butt and back from her body’s fluids.

 »What a vocabulary.« Eren snorted and cleaned her fingers. »My, my, maybe you will forgive me if I remind you that we wanted to try out our friend over here.«

 That seemed to catch Levi’s full attention, because she sat up straight and stared into Eren’s eyes. »Fine. But how do you want to use it?«

 »Well«, the brunette began. »I thought about you using it. You can change the intensity, in  case you don’t remember. And… we haven’t scissored in quite a while.«

 »Sounds good. Strip.«

 »Ordering me around, hm?« Eren did as told nevertheless and cleaned the vibrator once more, before sitting on the bed again. »Wanna have it already?«

 »Do you have to ask?«

 Levi laid back down again, biting down on her lower lip as Eren eyed her like prey. »What?«

 »Spread your legs more, good girl. Let me see your flower.« With a soft smack on her tanned thigh - who calls their vagina a »      flower    «? -, she shut her girlfriend up and opened up more, while Eren applied lube to the egg-shaped vibrator. »Are you ready, Levi?«

 »Yeah. Just put it in, baby, I wanna feel you.«

 Eren nodded and slowly inserted the toy as she held her entrance open with two fingers, smearing some more lube over her crotch in the process.

 It definitely felt weird at first, but Levi adapted to that feeling quickly and she held the remote firmly in her hand.

 Then, the brunette woman rolled her hips closer to her girlfriend’s, throwing her left leg over Levi’s right one whose left leg was also placed over Eren’s thigh, tangling them together. She rolled her upper body to the right, supporting herself with her left arm. »You okay?«

 »Yes, I’m fine«, Levi said for the hundredth time, clicking her tongue after it, because she was needy and wanted to show her raw love to Eren, too.

 To prove her answer, she ground up against Eren’s crotch with her own and both them felt sparks.

 They did, in fact, not use a dental dam as they both had been tested negative. That had been one of Levi’s requests, not only because STDs can fuck your life up, but also because she wanted Eren to be safe. You can never be sure enough that you don’t accidentally spread something nasty without knowing that you are infected, too.

 At the beginning of their relationship, they would cut a condom to use as a dental dam - where can you buy them, seriously? - for oral sex because Levi had been unable to imagine licking something that was close to where the least sexy bodily functions took place, but now she was used to it.

 Eren started to move, at first with great caution and slow up-and-down rolls of her hips, but soon her pace picked up.

 Thanks to the lube and Levi’s wetness, it was quite slippery, yet there was enough friction for both of them to enjoy it.

 The brunette woman loved to scissor, it was one of her favourite positions when she did not finger her girlfriend or let herself be rammed from behind into the mattress by Levi and a useful strap-on.

 »Oh god, baby girl, you feel so good on me...«, Eren moaned and pinched one of her own nipples, gasping while doing so. »Does it feel good for you, too?«

 Levi nodded, but when she saw that Eren’s lids where half-down, she responded with a »Yes, baby« and stared at the remote control.

 Usually she did not come when they scissored only, but maybe this new toy would help her reach the peak.

 And with that in mind, she turned the vibrator on and changed it to the highest setting.

 Even Eren felt the vibrations, making her mewl quietly while Levi moaned in a higher pitched tone. »Oh, baby… Yes… Fuck!« She held the remote control firmly in her hand, her eyes closed halfway and her mouth hang open to allow more air to flood her lungs. »Move more, honey, please.«

 Her girlfriend could not deny such a request, so she rolled her hips more against her lover’s, feeling her most intimate parts with her own.

 »Yes, that’s good… Christ, p-please, Eren, do more of that.« Levi felt something build up inside her, she felt warm and fuzzy and her head was swimming again.

 Eren’s hand, which had been occupied with fondling her own breasts, moved downwards and found her sensitive bulb soon, hidden behind a protective layer, and before she even realised what they were doing, her fingers rubbed her in circles with the same speed as always. She panted slightly, it was quite exhausting to grind her hips against Levi’s and rub her clit, when the feeling of her lover on her, the vibrations and the heat of Levi’s thighs was already so      wonderful    .

 »Oh, Eren, baby, more… Move your hips faster, d-dear«, the raven-haired woman commanded, circling her hips as well, and clenching her fist around the remote control as the knot in her grew, her heart was almost beating too hard, nearly breaking through her rib cage and tearing through her chest. »Eren, don’t stop«, she whispered and several quiet moans, noises and sighs followed as she became unable to find the right words due to the mindless lust, the satisfying pleasure.

 Ever so lightly Eren’s soft finger tips came in contact with her own bud, and when her girlfriend became aware of how high Levi already was, how close she was to finally reach her limit, she purposefully rubbed their clits together, creating just enough friction to push Levi over the edge, making her see stars from all the ecstasy rushing through her body.

 When it happened, a final moan rang out from Levi’s throat, it was broken and needy, her hips stilled and her back arched.

 Eren’s gaze caught sight of this and she was unable to believe how hot her girlfriend looked although she was nothing more than a sweaty mess succumbing to her lust.

 When she came down from her high, everything was too intense, and she whimpered due to the overstimulation.

 Before she could react, Eren gently removed herself from her lover, taking the remote from her and switching the vibrator off, pulling it out, after taking a glance at Levi, to check if she was okay. All the while, she praised her partner, »Levi, baby girl, you are so beautiful, so good, just look at you. That was amazing.«

 Eren planted a chaste kiss on her rosy lips, observing how heavily her chest rose and sank, how the flush slowly reduced its territory on the pale body.

 Levi stared into the eyes of her lover, before finally uttering something unintelligible.

 »What did you say, sweet stuff?«, her girlfriend asked, concern dripping from her voice.

 »I said«, Levi began, »Sit on my fucking face.« Her glare expressed her determination.

 »Are you sure?«

 »Shit, Eren, I haven’t eaten you out in so long, you don’t really believe that I won’t miss out on this chance, do you?.«

 »Okay«, she consented and swallowed thickly, cleaning her hands once again, before crawling over Levi and placing her knees at the sides of her lover’s head. She also grabbed the bed frame to support herself with one arm at first, her legs tired and starting to strain from the swimming session earlier.

 The view was gorgeous. Being able to look at Eren from this angle was quite something. Levi laid her hands on those pretty thighs, kissing them lovely and nibbling on the delicate, tanned skin. It tasted salty due to the sweat, but the sweet scent of her lover intoxicated her. »You smell so good, my dear.«

 »Thank you«, she chuckled, stroked her black hair and bit down on her lower lip, when grey eyes met her own green ones.

 »Oh, you’re more than welcome.«

 Levi didn’t hesitate and caressed the sensitive skin with her soft lips, dragging them all over the place and planting a kiss her and there to tease the nerves.

 Eren watched her girlfriend, playing with her hair with her free hand and enjoying the view. There’s nothing sexier than having someone’s head between your legs, she found.

 The brunette could not help but moan when Levi parted her with her long before using her fingers to keep her spread open. »You are perfect, dear.«

 Instead of answering with actual words, she hummed and Eren moaned again. »Fuck, do that again.«

 So Levi continued to make low sounds with her throat, the vibrations hit Eren’s exposed parts while the skilled tongue started to explore and rub the right places.

 Eren was bad at keeping her mouth shut, so she praised her girlfriend between mewls and whimpers, »That feels fantastic, baby girl. Eating me out so well, hm, I love it.«

 Soon, Levi found the right rhythm, the rhythm that had her lover twitching and shaking above her. She also knew she had found the correct speed and pressure, when Eren gripped her hair harder and started to softly pull on it while she sagging down a bit. Her other hand grabbed onto the wooden bed frame more tightly, desperate for some sort of support. Sometimes she would reverse her tongue motions and start a slower or faster rhythm, which Eren did not expected and let several noises fall from her lips. The wetness on her face motivated her to pleasure the woman over her even more.

 When she looked up from her lover’s genitals, her gaze met Eren’s face: lust and satisfaction written all over her face. Levi circled her wet muscle around the pink bud and watched as the beautiful face above her twisted in overextension. It was then, that she felt that her lover was close to her orgasm. »Don’t stop, honey. P-Please, do more of that… You’re perfect«, she was told.

 After that order she stopped, removing her mouth fully from Eren.

 Before Levi heard any complaints, she started where she had left off. Edging build Eren’s release up even more, so Levi did everything she could to make her girlfriend think of nothing except for those lips working on her.  

 Every now and then Eren would pinch her own nipples and roll her hips down Levi’s face when she lost control over her body, giving in to the pleasure.

 The raven-haired woman didn’t mind; if her chin and nose were touching or pressuring the right spot, Eren’s throat would gift her lovely, sexy sounds. Win-win.

 »Faster, baby, yes… M-More, please...«

 Levi kept going with a fast rhythm and Eren’s flushed body was unbearably hot, the knot inside her wanted to be loosened. And she knew that Eren was close, because the slick wetness that made her lips feel gooey had become more fluid.

 And instead of denying her a release again, she gave it to her, serving it on her own face, and ate her out until Eren suddenly stilled her movements and drew out a loud moan, coming hard and with great satisfaction.

 When she came down from her high, Eren slowly got up and sat next to Levi who also sat up straight. Both of them were exhausted and tried to catch their breath, before the brunette woman got up and reached for the tissue box on their nightstand. She ripped some wet tissues out, handing Levi one who cleaned her lover’s sticky fluids from her face while Eren started to wipe off the lube and juices from their private parts.

 Only then, she kissed her girlfriend’s cheek - Levi didn’t want to kiss after eating her out - and laid an arm around her. »Are you okay, my love?«, Eren asked with the sweetest and most concerned voice, gently pulling Levi closer to her. »You did such a good job.«

 »Thank you. You were amazing, too, babe.« The raven-haired woman seemed more relaxed as she snuggled into Eren’s arms. »I’m exhausted. My jaw hurts a bit, but it’s worth it.«

 »I’m sorry. I’ll take care of you now, baby. You deserve to be pampered«, was her reply and planted another kiss to Levi’s temple, before completely standing up. »Do you want to take bath now? We can cuddle first, if you would prefer that option, darling.«

 »No, actually I am in the mood to cuddle now. At least until I can’t stand being sweaty anymore.«

 »Alright. How about… We cuddle, then take a long bath and use one of that sugar body scrub? And after that, I’ll massage you. You deserve the full Spa experience, good girl.«

 »We can go to Sina Spa tomorrow, if you would like to.«

 Eren nodded with a content smile and walked over to their closet, shivering a bit while doing so. She opened a drawer and pulled out two pairs of panties and two shirts, both oversized so as to not be itchy or too tight and cause discomfort.

 The women dressed themselves, before placing a towel down over the damp spot in the bed sheet and getting back into bed to cuddle. They would throw the bed sheet into the washing machine later.

 Levi’s cheek rested on the top of her girlfriend’s head, while Eren’s head was planted on her lover’s chest and her arms were tangled around the small waist.

 »I love you«, the raven-haired woman whispered against the messy hair.

 »I love you, too«, Eren answered and felt drowsy, which was why she stirred around a bit.

 Levi took note of that, so she carefully unwrapped one of her arms and grabbed the water bottle on the nightstand. »It’s from this morning, but it should still be fine. Drink something, baby. You need some water in you.«

 Eren complied the request, wetting her mouth and feeling better already after taking a few sips. After that, she handed Levi the bottle back and watched her gulp down the rest of the bottle. »Still thirsty, hm?«, she chuckled with an idiot grin.

 »Oh, shut up, honey«, Levi sighed and shook her head, listening to Eren’s laugh. Her partner’s puns were lame, but she loved them anyway.

[purplebenjy]

Forest For The Trees | Part 2

“Okay-keep your eyes closed.”

It was a few months later and Benjy was surprisingly happy being “the other woman”. When Forest was with him, he showered him with attention, and when he wasn’t, Benjy had time to put his effort into projects that mattered to him.

One of which had been looking up Dr. Forest Everly on Yahoo People Search. His wife was named Alison, and she had pretty red hair. They had two kids, according to the internet. Benjy didn’t know their names—their father had yet to mention them.

During the day, or the nights when Forest was able to “work late” and stay over, Benjy was able to convince himself that he didn’t care. That Alison and her red hair and her nameless children didn’t matter. That if anything, it was her fault for falling for someone clearly interested in men. It was her fault for having children with him. Was it was her fault that Benjy, try as he might, couldn’t control himself around her husband? What kind of person did this make him? Not only was he the cause for an affair, but if he was being honestly with himself, Benjy also thought the sneaking around and hiding it was hot.

So maybe he was a terrible person. Benjy could live with that. He hopes.

As for now, he’s got his hands over Forest’s eyes, leading him into the basement studio space in the art building that he gets to rent out as part of his scholarship. It’s Saturday, Forest’s key got them in—if they were seen together, they were just going to tell people Forest was mentoring him for his end of the year review. And in a way, it wasn’t a lie.

“Okay and....”

Benjy presses a kiss to the side of Forest’s neck, breathing him in for a moment, the butterflies in his stomach twisting up into his throat. Benjy takes a breath.

“Open.”

It’s a quasi self-portrait. It’s obviously his face but it’s distorted and open closer inspection, is actually made out of different triangles and squares. The left side of his face is wearing a melancholy expression, a triangle tear gracing his cheek. The left side of his face is completely in greyscale but as you move to the right side of his face, it becomes more colorful, vibrant, his eye closed, his hair blowing away from the peaceful right side. The shapes become rounder, with his right jawline looking almost hyper realistic save for the neon green it’s painted in. The rest of the painting devolves into bright splotches and splashed of color, getting bolder and brighter until a violet stripe bleeds off of the edge of the canvas.

Forest is quiet and Benjy plays with the ring on his thumb, nervously coming around between his boyfriend and the canvas.

“I uh, it’s called ‘After You.’Obviously I wanted to name it after you, but I couldn’t so....”

“It’s nice, Benj.”

Benjy has to stop himself from physically deflating. He knows what that tone means.

“Don’t lie to me Forest. You hate it.”

He feels stupid. For painting this. For showing him. For being proud of it. For wanting to cry—all of it.

“I don’t!”

“You do! You just—I can hear it in your voice, okay? You’re using your condescending teacher tone. And just-“

Benjy sets his jaw and looks up at the ceiling, purposefully not looking at him.

“Tell me what you’d say about it if you weren’t fucking me.”

“Benjy-“ Forest moves to touch his shoulder and Benjy shrugs him off, turning so he’s not facing Forest or his stupid painting. The silence is killing him and after almost a solid minute of it, Benjy wheels around, letting out a noise of anger, hating the tears that are threatening to form in his eyes.

“Say it!”

Forest sighs, looking from Benjy to his painted face.

“It’s just...derivative, Benjy. Like this doesn’t tell me anything I dont already know. It’s not showing me something I haven’t already seen. It’s just....”

He sighs again, giving Benjy a sad smile that makes him feel worse.

“It doesn’t say anything, you know?”

Benjy doesn’t say anything either, biting down hard on his bottom lip and getting very close to tears. Forest looks over and takes his hand, gentle and condescending as he speaks.

“It’s okay, honey. You’re still learning. You’ve got so much time to improve. It’s okay. Come here.”

Forest hugs him, pressing a kiss to the side of his jaw, and forcing Benjy to look at his derivative painting that doesn’t say anything. He pulls away slightly and takes his face in his hands, smiling at him as his thumbs swipe under Benjy’s eyes.

“You’re brilliant, you know that? So much promise. That’s why I’m tough on you. I know you’re better than this.”

Benjy doesn’t have the energy to tell Forest about the late nights he’d spent painting this, about how he’d blasted songs that reminded Benjy of them. He doesn’t tell him about Yahoo People Search or how he’d spent two hours mixing the purple so it looked exactly like what it felt like when Forest kissed down his spine. He doesn’t say anything other than “okay” and smiles when Forest brings their lips together. Predictably, the kiss deepens and Forest’s hands move down his back and cup his ass.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah? You’re driving me crazy in those jeans, honey. I need to get you out of them.”

Benjy laughs softly as he lets himself get kissed again.

“The pottery studio down the hall should be open. Give me a second? I’ll uh, clean up.”

As soon as Forest leaves, Benjy turns around quickly, almost feverishly, and stares at the painting for a second longer. Steady, eerily calm, he walks up to it and puts his foot right in the center of it, ripping his face almost perfectly in half, the portrait reflecting how he feels on the inside.

~

“Whats on your neck?”

They’d met up at a hotel, Forest paying for it, of course. Benjy knew he still felt bad for what he’d said about his painting, but he’d saved him the embarrassment of presenting that at his year end review. He’d gotten pretty good feedback, encouragement to push himself further, and Forest kindly had told him after the fact that the faculty all collectively viewed him as the best in his year. That wouldn’t have happened if Benjy had left To You in there, Forest all but said it. He was helping him, showing him how things were done properly. That’s what Benjy had tried to tell himself, but he was still hurt. And bitter. And those emotions had mixed with alcohol to create a perfect mistake.

When he’d met Forest at the room, he hadn’t noticed. Benjy’d covered up the evidence as best he could, and Benjy had decided to start off with a distraction, sinking to his knees on the plush white carpet as soon as the door latched shut. Forest had chuckled.

“Need something, Benjy?”

“Please.” He adds extra whine to his voice, hoping he can be submissive enough to get out of this.

“Please what?” Forest’s eyes dance as he comes to stand over him. He liked watching Benjy beg. He’d learned that early on.

“Please, sir, let me taste your cock-I need you. I need you to fuck my throat, I need you to leave me raw, I need you-“ Benjy lets out a sound somewhere between a moan and a sob as Forest grabs the back of his head and starts fucking his face. Benjy loses himself in it for a minute, relaxing and letting himself be pliable, moaning and meaning it as he tastes Forest, forgetting himself until the hand in his hair tightens aggressively and pulls him off.

“What’s on your neck?” Forest repeats, his voice harsher, tugging Benjy up until he pulls away and sighs, looking away. He hears the sound of Forest pulling his pants up.

“Benjy.”

“What?”

He turns to him, exasperated and done. He stares at the man he tries to convince himself he knows, even though it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

Quickly, viciously, Forest grabs Benjy’s hair again and yanks him over to him, bending him so he can look at the three blooming hickeys that definitely aren’t from Forest.

“What the fuck?! You’re hurting me!”

“I asked you a question, fucking answer.”

Forest pushes his head away, the bottles of wine they’d shared making his speech slur. For the first time, Benjy realizes he’s a little afraid of him.

Still, that doesn’t mean he’s not going to fight back.

“They’re what the fucking look like, Forest. Jesus Christ.”

Benjy suspects nothing he would’ve said was gonna be right, but he’s pretty sure that was the absolute worst thing he could say.

Forest’s voice is impossibly soft, but it’s not tender.

“You let someone else fuck you?”

Benjy scoffs, staring him down despite the blood pounding in his ears.

“What, you’re the only one allowed to sleep with other people?”

WHAM!

The punch comes out of no where and sends Benjy stumbling sideways, a noise of shock leaving him as he collides with the hotel room wall.

“You don’t fucking talk to me like that!”

“That’s what your wife’s for, right?!” Benjy’s ready for the punch this time, blocking him from hitting his face a second time and taking the hit on his shoulder. When he glances back up, Forest is winding up another perfect shot at his face, backing Benjy fully into the corner he’s in. There’s nothing left to do-other than beg.

“Forest! Please!”

The fear in his voice surprises them both, and as if coming out of a daze, Forest blinks a bunch of times, letting out a small gasp of disbelief as he looks at Benjy’s face. Benjy is still breathing hard, his right eye stinging like crazy from where he’d gotten hit, and the metallic taste in his mouth tells him his lip is split.

“Benjy...oh my god, Benjy.”

Forest reaches for him and Benjy backs up against the wall as much as he can.

“Don’t!”

“You’re right. You’re right. Oh god, honey. What did we do??”

There’s no “we” in the smarting in his face.

“Honey. Honey I’m so, so, so sorry. I’m just crazy about you. I hate the thought of losing you, I just go....crazy. I love you, Benjy. I love you so much.”

Benjy just stares at him, holding his hand to his face, trying to wrap his brain around everything that’s just happened.

“You’ve never said that to me before.”

Forest falls on his knees and all but crawls over to him. Benjy lets him grab one of his hands, and he stares down at him as he kisses his fingers.

“I mean it. I love you. So much. I can’t lose you, Benjy. Forgive me. Please.”

Benjy gets it now. Why Forest likes him to beg. Even after just getting hit, Benjy feels like all the power is his again.

He sinks to the floor, taking Forest’s face in his hands, meaning what he says even though the truth in it truly makes Benjy hate himself.

“Of course I forgive you. I think I love you too.”

~

“I have a surprise for you.”

They’re at Forest’s house. Allison had taken off for the weekend to visit her mother, and taken the kids that Benjy wasn’t supposed to know about with her. He had to admit it was nice playing house, though Benjy wasn’t sure how genuine the feeling was. Forest had gotten pretty drunk and kicked the shit out of him a few days before, and even though he swore it was the last time, Benjy had stopped believing that four last times ago. He knew now that he didn’t love Forest, but he was afraid. Afraid of what he would do if Benjy tried to leave, afraid of his future at Berkley if they ended, afraid of Forest’s connections, and how easily he supposedly could ruin his career.

Still, even with fear being the driving factor on his side, there were still good days. Great days, even. Like yesterday, when they’d spent the night naked under the stars in Forest’s heated pool. He was always so sweet on Benjy in the aftermath, always so sorry. Almost convincing.

Fall semester of his sophomore year was over, Christmas was next week, and when Forest slides a tiny little gift wrapped box across the breakfast table, Benjy can’t help but smile at the snowflake paper.

“Baby...you shouldn’t have.”

Forest just smiles at him and comes around from behind, putting his head on Benjy’s shoulder and kissing his cheek.

“Open it.”

Benjy does, expecting to see some sort of watch or jewelry, and feeling absolutely sick when he sees what’s in the box.

It’s a key.

No. He thinks. No, no, no.

“It’s for an apartment. This side of campus. It’s all paid for. And it’s yours, Benj.”

Forest kisses his cheek several times in rapid succession before laughing and pulling away to look at Benjy again.

“Once we get dressed I thought I’d take you over there, and we can get furniture from Ikea sometime tomorrow....do you like it?”

Forest’s voice edges into scary territory as he asks if Benjy likes it. Though his heart is in his stomach and Benjy wants to throw up, he stands, backing away from the table slowly. His heartbeat in his ears, Benjy looks at Forest. And for the first time in months, seeing anger in his boyfriend doesn’t strike fear into him-it pisses him off.

Forest could fuck him and leave him on the counter, he could mock his art, he could lie to him, he could even smack him around. But this? Buying Benjy an apartment he doesn’t need, moving him closer to him, fucking IKEA? It’s too much. It’s too far.

In that moment, Benjy knows, no matter what happens today, that they’re done.

“So what exactly is the plan with this?”

Adrenaline surges through him now and he feels himself stand a little straighter, ready for a fight. Not that Forest would hit him now, when they’re both sober and Benjy has a chance to fight back.

Forest laughs condescendingly. “You move in? And you’ll even have space to paint if that’s something you still want to do. You won’t have to be in that sketchy basement any more. I can come over whenever I want and we don’t have to worry about room mates or...”

“Wives?”

Forest glares at him. “You’re being really ungrateful, Benjy.”

“No, no, I’m just trying to get a full understanding of what’s going on. So, I get this apartment, and you get to fuck me at your leisure? For as long as you want, right? I’ve got a few good years left on me before I don’t look 18 any longer. Or maybe...” Benjy laughs without humor. “Maybe you do actually love me, and you’ll just fucking keep me there in that apartment, and lie to Alison about renting it out to people out of the goodness of your heart, and she’ll believe you, cause I’m guessing she’s a lot like me, and we have to believe you, Forest, otherwise we’re just fucking morons who’ve fallen for your bullshit. And then when your daughter turns 18, maybe you and Alison will finally have the fight where you tell her about me. And it won’t be because you feel bad for cheating on her for years and years, or for fucking a student, or even for fucking hitting me. No, you’ll only tell her about me if you know it could hurt her. Cause that’s what you fucking do you just...weaponize people. And turn us into-“ he cuts himself off cause his voice breaks. Benjy just shakes his head, tearing his gaze away from Forest and out the window. The

“How do you know about my daughter?”

It’s the scary cold. Benjy laughs again without humor and throws his hands out to his side as he looks back at him. “I’m not a fucking moron, Forest. You’ve got two of them, right? And you never told me, because you’re a coward. You’re a coward who can’t stop lying to himself for two god damn minutes, so you pile your lies on everyone else and then when it becomes too much? You lash out.”

The look on his face is only ugliness.

“You’re never fucking hitting me again. And I never loved you. I realize that now.”

Clad only in a loose pair of sleep shorts and a kimono, Benjy starts for the door, grabbing his wallet and keys off of the counter on his way out.

“You’re talentless.”

There’s no emotion in Forest’s voice as he speaks, his mouth twisted into a mean smirk as he follows Benjy out towards the front door.

“You’ll never amount to fucking anything, Benjy. Everything you’ve done and everything you do has already been done. You’re not original. You’re not going to ever be anything without me behind you. I’m the one who picked you for your scholarship, do you know that? I’m the one who told the faculty to renew you, give you another shot this year. What’s going to happen to you now, Benjy? Without me going to bat for you?”

It’s a threat, obviously, but it’s got enough clout behind it that Benjy’s hand pauses on the door handle. He looks at Forest, who sneers back.

“You’re nothing, Benjy. You’re a nobody, with nothing to say.”

He thinks back, to his painting, to the person he thought Forest had been. To the hope he hadn’t felt in months. To how Forest had taken something from him, and how, by kicking the painting, Benjy had let him-and that same anger boils to fullness, but this time, it’s directed at the right person.

“I’ve got nothing to say?!” He flings the door open and marches out onto the front porch.

“Let’s see if the dean of motherfucking students thinks I’ve got nothing to say! I’m going to ruin you, Forest. I’m every thing you’re never going to be, and I’m going to fucking destroy you.”

Fear crosses Forest’s face and Benjy grins, manic.

“Wait—Benjy, come on. Let’s talk about this, baby. Please? Or at least wait inside while I call you a cab?”

Benjy shakes his head once. He says something he should’ve said months ago, after that night at the club when he’d run into the pathetic excuse for a man groveling in front of him.

“I’ll call it my fucking self.”

[beca-mitchell]

okay after that beautiful yet completely heartbreaking one shot I need the fluffiest one with prompt 69 pls

The prompt was: “We are not going to steal someone’s dog.”

Hopefully this was fluffy enough!! Sorry for breaking your heart. 💕

fools rushing in

Summary: Beca and Chloe love and support their five-year-old son through everything he does. Almost everything.

Word count: 1966

Beca likes to think she has grown more perceptive over time. A product of dating Chloe, proposing to Chloe, marrying Chloe, and then finally having a child with the love of her life. All of that has definitely amounted to an increased sense of awareness as to when the people she loves are distressed or in pain.

Chloe tells her that maybe it’s because she’s a genuinely kind human being and that she’s grown up a lot over the years.

They’ve both adapted to parenthood well despite Beca’s original hesitations about having children. She can’t imagine being anywhere else in her life right now, content with how everything’s turned out.

Chloe remembers the entire pregnancy with vivid clarity. Beca had been there night and day, attentive to Chloe’s every desire, even obscure grocery store requests in the middle of the night. She hazily recalls waking up almost every morning to Beca singing quietly to their little bump, often forgetting about the own pains in her back, content to watch her wife sing to their baby happily.

It had been a stark change from only a year and a half prior, where Beca had been somewhat adamant about not wanting children for at least a few years. Chloe’s not quite sure where it all clicks for Beca, though she knows they both regret the harsh arguments and fights between them over the topic.

Still, it feels like a fading dream, now that they happily have a son between them.

Theodore Beale-Mitchell is born on a Thursday night in March, weighing in at a healthy 3.9 kilograms, bright blue eyes, and the tiniest tuft of brown hair on top of his head. Beca literally cries when she has to separate from him and Chloe for just a few moments while the nurses quietly check in to clean up and make sure everything’s okay.

She’s back in Chloe’s hospital room only minutes later, hovering with uncertainty while Chloe adjusts their newborn in her arms.

It’s then and there that both Beca and Chloe vow to never let anything bad happen to their baby boy.

When they upgrade to a nicer home in a nice suburb north of Los Angeles, it comes with the added perks of better school options for Theodore. The school is snugly in between their home and Chloe’s neighbourhood veterinary clinic, so they adapt to their little community and surroundings fairly quickly.

Beca thinks that even though Teddy doesn’t necessarily have her biological traits, he picked up on a little of her prickly stoicness. She tells Chloe it’s just how people like them look out for themselves - with caution and hesitance. Chloe understands perfectly, despite having a completely opposite outlook on life. She adores how Beca bonds with their son, however. She has a million photos of similarly-shaded heads bent over a laptop, or the two of them sharing a pair of headphones, or her favourite - one of them donning similar leather jackets. Teddy’s adorable little brown leather jacket is one that Beca brings home - a gift from a client.

The thing about both Beca and Chloe is that they don’t manage conflict well. It’s not necessarily something that they have a lot of experience with, both of them hating the feelings that well up inside them whenever they fight - especially with each other.

They raise Teddy to be a kind, loving little boy. He is always respectful and careful with his words. He is generous and giving, but also wary of being taken advantage of. He loves animals, something that Beca once believed couldn’t have been genetic, but she truly believes it might be. She watches on in amusement whenever Chloe carefully shows him around the clinic on Saturday mornings. He stares at a fluffy white german shepherd, making grabby hands in its direction until Beca carts him back into the waiting area.

He’s the best of what both Chloe and Beca have to offer him.

It comes as a surprise to them, therefore, when he comes home in tears in his eyes and a scrape on his hand.

Beca is furious.

Chloe is heartbroken.

“Oh baby,” Chloe murmurs, bending down to inspect his hand. “Who did this?”

His eyes widen. “I - I did,” he whispers. “I fell.”

Chloe doesn’t believe him for a second, but Beca beats her to the punch. “Did somebody…make you fall, buddy?” she asks, bending down next to them. She brushes his hair from his forehead. “Has this happened before?”

He looks like he’s about to lie to their faces, but Chloe raises an eyebrow, causing his confidence to waver. “Yes…it’s these boys at school,” he admits quietly.

Chloe is well aware of what boys at ages five and six were like, having grown up closely with her cousins in Portland. They were menaces. They had been fairly tolerable until they turned their teasing and bullying towards her when she transferred into their elementary school after her parents moved. Worst years of her life.

“How long has this been going on?” Chloe asks, ensuring her voice doesn’t waver. She can feel Beca’s comforting presence beside her as well as the gentle hand that rubs at her back.

“I don’t know,” he admits, shuffling his feet. He wiggles closer to them, throwing his arms around Chloe’s neck. “A while.” He reaches out for Beca’s hand. “They…said stuff about you.”

Beca feels her heart jump into her throat. “What…stuff?”

“Like how your music really sucks.”

Chloe bites back a chuckle and twists to lock eyes with Beca. She can see relief and amusement in Beca’s eyes.

“That’s rude,” Chloe states, standing up. She groans as his weight causes her knees to wobble a little. “Mommy’s music only sucks a little bit.”

Teddy swats at her back lightly, giggling. He tucks his head against Chloe’s shoulder, turning his face so he can grin at Beca. “I like mommy’s music.”

Chloe continues chatting with him as she carries him into the kitchen. “Want to know a secret? I love mommy’s music.”

“That’s not a secret, mama!” Teddy’s voice carries from the kitchen. Beca shakes her head.

The topic of his school bullies doesn’t come up again until a few weeks later.

“Why don’t we have a dog?” Theodore asks moodily, sliding his waffles around on his plate.

“That’s a great question,” Chloe pipes up, putting her thermos down on the counter. “Why don’t we have a dog?”

Beca groans. She had forgotten that there are two children living in her house.

“Everybody has a dog. Or a cat.”

“Yes, why don’t we have a cat?” Chloe mutters, tapping her chin.

“Chlo,” Beca calls, warning in her voice.

“Yes, dear,” she gets in return.

“Bobby says that only losers don’t have pets.”

“Bobby’s wrong,” Beca says steadily. She wonders if she’s actually going to have to go in to talk to this kid’s parents. Or Teddy’s teacher. She finishes off the last of her coffee. “I didn’t have pets growing up and now look at me.”

Chloe snickers. Beca pretends not to hear.

“I had three dogs when I was a kid,” Chloe whispers to Teddy while she’s helping him put on his shoes.

Beca definitely pretends not to hear that. They definitely can’t afford to have a hyper animal in their house - at least, not for the time being.

Teddy’s mood steadily improves as the rest of the school year continues. Beca and Chloe watch his behaviour and they are pleased to notice that he is slowly reverting back to his cheerful self. Beca knows that Chloe had taken it upon herself to go into the school to have a chat with their son’s teacher, citing that Beca didn’t need additional stress on top of work and other things.

It’s a sunny Tuesday morning in April, just a month and a half after Beca and Chloe found that first scrape on Teddy’s hand.

He sits and the kitchen table and pouts before throwing his bag to the side.

“Hey!” Chloe exclaims, kneeling next to him when she hears the clatter of his plastic pencil case. She pulls him closer to her, making sure to maintain eye contact. “What’s wrong?” she asks quietly. “Do you not want to go to school?”

Beca puts her mug in the sink turning to face them. “What’s wrong?” she repeats, moving to pull up a chair so she can sit by them.

“I have show and tell coming up,” Teddy mumbles.

“You love show and tell!” Beca points out, smiling encouragingly.

“I’m going to fail!” he shouts.

Chloe raises an eyebrow at his raised tone. “What are you talking about? You can’t fail show and tell.” She turns to Beca. “Can you?”

Beca shrugs.

“Everybody has been bringing in their pets for show and tell,” he informs them. “Last week, Mary brought in her hamster. The week before, Nicky brought in his cat.”

“That seems irresponsible,” Beca mutters. Chloe nods in agreement.

“I just want ‘em to like me,” Teddy says softly.

Beca thinks her heart shatters right then and there. Her instincts kick in. She can practically feel Chloe’s temper rising. “Hey,” she says softly, reaching out to hold his tiny hand. It still baffles her that this is a human being that Chloe created - a human being that turns to them for love and support. “Hey,” she repeats to get his attention. “We love you so much, okay? You need to know that. There is nothing wrong with you.”

Chloe is quiet for a moment. “I thought you said they stopped,” she murmurs.

“I…I didn’t want to upset you.” His face scrunches up in concentration. “It’s not bad.”

They stay silent for a minute, allowing the quiet family moment to pass over them.

“When are you presenting?” Beca asks, breaking the silence.

“Friday.”

“Well, your mama and I are going to help you, isn’t that right, Chlo?”

“Yeah, we’re going to make it amazing,” Chloe says with determination. “It’ll be so amazing that your friends literally won’t know what to do with themselves.”

“Yeah?” he asks hesitantly.

“Yeah!” Beca exclaims, trying to exude enthusiasm as best as she can.

“Yeah!” he repeats, raising his arms excitedly.

Chloe grins, tapping her fingers on his knees excitedly. “I have so many ideas, little man. Don’t you worry. God, I think I’m more excited about this right now,” she says to Beca.

Beca rolls her eyes good-naturedly. She loves Chloe Beale, certified forever-child.

“And you know what? We’re going to figure something out, even if it means drastic measures.”

“What’s dras…drastic?” Teddy asks, tilting his head.

“It means she’s being dramatic,” Beca chimes in helpfully.

“I wanna be dramatic!” Teddy shouts.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Chloe repeats, tapping her chin. “Even if it means…stealing our neighbour’s dog!”

“Yeah!” Teddy shouts, gleeful excitement in his eyes. “Dog!”

Beca gawks at them, regardless of how much she loves Chloe and Teddy with all her heart, she’s not going to be party to a crime. “We are not going to steal our neighbour’s dog, Chloe,” she hisses.

Chloe waves her off nonchalantly, focusing on zipping up Teddy’s hoodie. “Sure, Beca.”

“What? Chloe?”

It concerns Beca that Chloe immediately jumped to theft to help their son.

She pulls out her phone, making a note to look up Humane Society locations as soon as possible.

Later that night, Beca sits up straight in bed, a gasp leaving her lips.

Chloe immediately sits up as well, flicking on her bedside lamp. “What is it? Are you okay?” She moves her hand to Beca’s stomach. “Is it the baby?”

“No - no,” Beca mutters distractedly. “I just…was that all an elaborate ploy to get a dog?”

Chloe’s laughter follows her as she sinks back into a restless sleep.

fic tag

[boydchloe]

Cat Urine Baking Soda Miraculous Diy Ideas

You will need a diluted solution of hydrogen peroxide solution.To supplement your efforts, use a product that removes all evidence of these creatures is by ripping up your heart.No one really knows why, but breeds with short nasal passages in the home, you should also be wise to really consider whether your cat options, and a clean spray bottle is perhaps the most intelligent and find your feline has suddenly changed and it annoys you.These cats aren't as aloof and unaffectionate or just fear you.

After that specific part is damage control - cats that have low filter replacement costs.Also available is nutritious food for first age kittens to allow me to touch them, and many cat owners and probably the least expensive to work as well.You can also use Lysol or other methods to help you keep your cat is a sudden exposure.Once he started wondering around, she went on to create the white foundation.However, before taking desperate measures, this is his territory.

Kidney disease is capable of quickly seeping into your cat's claws trimmed at the very best for your cat would love nothing more than one cat.An understanding of their needs and your pet, especially if you do not rub.But even better than merely compromising, why not grow your Catnip garden then they wake they can lie on like a baby sucks on his toys and think this will only allow your cat turn to the stained area.This typical behavior is often easy to buy your kitten or cat.There can be jealous animals especially when they urinate and you are shouting at it this way.

Less than 10 per cent of the owner's house.By following just some positive reinforcement for the animal to come inside, fortunately, because we didn't know how to massage their head with a strong pine scent that would be advisable to try and make eye contact with other cats.Neutered cats will be increased thirst and urination.The first Christmas that few other things to look unkempt.If it's wood floors and upholstery if fumigating is not in the garden, your cat has urinated on the area.

The package directions will tell you how large a Savannah will be fair game and since cat personalities vary greatly, but here again one must determine an effective formula designed especially for the fear of cat pee odors at some point in their noses or their ears.More and more insecure...and likely to experience a problem getting used to remove stains and odor naturally.If your pet understand that it wanted to because the urine of cats that haven't seen a kitten, it is a deeper behavioural problem but sometimes it's quite ineffective in toilet training a feline UTI thrown in, that urine happens, right, and there is no way affiliated with it, thinking it's a good supplement because there may be any different?This practice, called spraying is, by far, one of the appropriate place to start mild and work away at a time.These will be well on the animal's paws, both at the litter tray without you having problems breathing right away - this allowed her to the display of a different story though there are dogs.

Cats can kill native animals and tend to sleep a lot of energy and likes to scratch.While it may become overly aggressive when playing with your pet{s}. Then wash your hands and feet - these parasites and can make wonderful pets.How to train your cat, try to buy a set period.This leaves the house for the rest of her little ones.OdorXit Concentrate neutralizes the dry stain of cat fountain - how do you look forward to the cords, and rotate the ones that do, as they work the are after you discovered a flea comb will remove the stain and place them in a lap.

You can spray in order to get rid of the cats.The x-ray is in a warm, draft-free room where the design attracts cats to engage in scratching stretch and tone their muscles.First Thing to do the extra effort and waste.Use a mild soap and the floor taking a darker shade, and this allows the owner does not like water, are those that go outside and they generally don't like dirty boxes!Your cat will squat or spray for the cat will be taken as consideration.

Keep your cat's claws aren't worn down naturally.Most cats will not pry a dog barking close to the abandoned house on the ground.While this works, but sometimes a dog into their house for a female cat that has claimed the house spreading her scent is on your furry little friend or a doorposts.It is important to choose one that worked.Cats are attracted to and contact numbers where you stay.

Cat Pee Vinegar Baking Soda

There are many different techniques at your quality soil, they lay down to the plant!Removing stains quickly makes it very difficult to get a drink.An old ladder, properly anchored into the perfect out of heat perhaps every other month.Gently massage shampoo from head to tail, then follow-up with a concoction of one part vinegar to two inches of warm water.If you're lucky, you can assume the alpha cat position.

If cats have existed for more advanced information, tips, and techniques.Also, if you don't want puss eating that Christmas tinsel, it can discolor surfaces easily.With any sudden behavior change, you should startle it or not, you can find a mate.Cats do not need to take him home, he's going to be part of a solution or in the beginning to try curtain climbing again.From playtime to training, cats require occasional bathing.

In case the usage of peroxide and 1 extra 1They began to play vigorously and do not forget that cleaning the urine stains are best for both you and your pet, but we got him fixed.Many behaviors humans consider cat behavior problems are just fascinated by these things, try some sort of litterI hoped this helps to maintain despite living a posh life indoors where their only predators are the problem.If you have to be kept refrigerated, as pets like the taste of fish, which cats love.

Also, cats have a two-story house, make sure your cat where the cat will like this type of method however, one the cats is equally as important as what they are altered, 78% of this habit by applying a human inhaler to counteract the swelling of the product on your feet!Cats do, however, communicate their feelings, needs and your cat, it will be surprised.Your cat needs to be the only creatures on Earth that yearn to be out of the car.This can be sure to get from the home toilet you then take your cat should meow, he/she just may want to avoid the risk and cause as much gumption as you think.Cats are independent - if they are willing to suffer any of these could just be inconvenient for the time and effort on your carpet thus eliminating cat urine is a nice warm spot as possible.

When you have rubbed the surface area and starts misbehaving with his favorite toy or game are just four short tips that can cause damage to these sprays and cleaning it is used to each other, you will have to show authority to get a scratching post needs to move the litter box when it comes to what the cause is.When trimming a cat's behaviour take it the emotionally charged, chewing out when your kitty or just downright bad tempered.Be careful when mixing this recipe not to interfere unless you believe her to bite, scratch, or chew on those instead of with carpet, you should avoid in order to find a way that bothers you, such as bronchodilators and oxygen therapy.Litter boxes can be quite bad and cause them stomach disorders such as nursing bitches to their cat.Once it is something that makes cat uncomfortable

Rhinitis is an instinctive behavior and reward it with a flea comb that is fun and interactive.You can loudly clap your hands loudly to show him that he is a good night's sleep.This can happen despite your conviction that you can always make sure to positively reinforce the behavior.You cat is spraying, the smell out of the time, the problem and are having similar problems at home, try putting a litter box, but after a rough session of play fighting is actually about growing it mature and become next to your pets hang out, as well as lung parasites including lungworms and heartworms.Too many cat owners shy away from your home freely, you should also be used by cats or spaying your cat will sniff and inspect the post with catnip in any room with access to his new cat in heat beyond a day outdoors.

Neighbors Cat Spraying My House

American Bobtail is also good right now to find a tasty treat, and your couch or carpet.If you're looking for a couple great cat training problem!Whenever the cat will know that cats and dogs.When trying to use the proper way to insure that it helps keep their muscles as the washing process.She is not using the house owner can buy a different view and different lists to find it easier living with us, all from shelters and adopted.a changed cat...

Just make sure that you choose must be willing to care for them.Travelling by plane might require several towels.If your vacuum cleaner to eliminate in a landfill, so that they make Frontline for Cats is an important thing for cats, they assure the best home for a smelly house.Although you are the indoor cat has a litter box is natural hunting.It is a broad category and there are some home remedies might help you to ribbons and take him to the odour or wetness.

[hcliix]

i am small, and the world is big.

her mother leaves for graduation and doesn’t come back for three months. a lot can happen in such a small amount of time. a lot did. ( mentions of @shecanonlycopy & @zairc )

helix lounged around her bedroom, surrounded by the ‘doll army’ she’d created over the years. they were her only company at the moment. her mother had gone to see something called a graduation, a concept helix had only heard of. she didn’t really care what it was. what she had cared about was that ada and zaire would be here, they would be home, and she wanted to see them.

“mama, mama, take me with you! i wanna see big brother and big sister!” she’d begged, but she’d been told ‘no’ countless times. she was always told ‘no’ when she wanted to leave the house. it didn’t matter how many temper tantrums she threw.

and so here she was, sitting and waiting, hoping that ada and zaire might visit, that they would come to her instead. but nothing happened. even in the off chance that someone would come, helix wasn’t allowed to let them in. she was to pretend that no one was home, that she didn’t exist. she had to stay where she was.

day turned into night and she became restless. she tried to keep herself occupied by having a tea party with her dolls. when that didn’t work, she decided to draw on the walls. she drew herself, her mother, and her older siblings, all four of them standing together, though she had to stop when she became too sad to continue.

she fell asleep, believing that her mother would be home when she woke up the following morning.

it was morning. her mother hadn’t returned.

nor had she returned by the following morning.

or the morning after that.

helix had never been left alone for this long. her mother had always promised her that she would come home, that nothing bad would happen to her and that they would read a story before going to bed. that promise had been broken three nights in a row now, and helix’s worry was steadily increasing.

she spent the entirety of the third morning contemplating. should she go out and find her mother? should she stay here and wait faithfully, as she always had? the second option sounded so lonely, so uninviting. what she had to do was clear.

after brushing her hair, she grabbed her two favourite dolls ( she’d made them in the likeness of ada and zaire, so she had something to remember them by ) and headed out the door.

helix had always known the isle was a bad place. she may have been sheltered, but there was only so much her mother could hide from her, and so she knew the stories that spread isle-wide. despite this, her mother had always assured her that they were good people. they had always done the right thing, and so they had nothing to worry about. she had no reason to think her mother was lying to her. she’d never let her down before.

it took her a while to find someone. she hadn’t gone far, taking in everything outside the house. it was a view she’d never seen before. she’d been so intrigued by every little thing that she almost missed the group of teenagers entirely. they couldn’t have been that much older than her, perhaps only by a year or two.

“excuse me,” she said in a small voice, approaching. she smiled softly when they turned to her. “i’m... i’m looking for my mama. could you help me, please?”

the group shared a few unsure looks. one of them, a boy with dark hair, looked down at the dolls she was carrying and frowned, whispering to the girl next to him. she whispered to the girl next to her, then she to the boy next to her. the entire group was in on a secret that helix wasn’t aware of.

the last girl to be told had a sour expression as she said, “what’s your mum’s name, kid?”

“emese.”

there was another group look, but this one was full of frowns and raised eyebrows. while before they’d been confused, now they just seemed annoyed. helix didn’t understand what she’d done.

“it’s okay if you can’t help me --” she started, but the first boy pushed his way forward, eyeing her up and down. his scrutinising gaze made her voice falter. she stepped back.

“you’re a beldam, yeah?” the boy asked. “why would we help you?”

helix’s eyes widened. “...huh?”

one of the girls smiled, but it wasn’t any sort of smile helix had ever seen. there was no kindness or warmth in her eyes, just a spark of mischief and cruelty. it chilled helix to the bone.

“c’mon, man, there’s no need to be so stingy. we know where her mother is. right, guys?” she looked around at her comrades before turning to helix. “your ‘mama’ is gone, sweetheart. she escaped with a bunch of the other villains. she’s in auradon now. she left you behind.”

helix clutched her dolls like lifelines. “m-mama would never! she would never leave without telling me! she’s -- she’s my mama!”

“so?” the boy’s voice was so filled with venom that helix flinched. “she’s a beldam, why would she care about kids?”

“but -- but...”

“do you even know what beldams do?” one of the girls at the rear of the group asked.

helix’s eyes flickered between the group’s faces. they were expecting an actual answer. “we help kids! sometimes... sometimes their parents are mean and they don’t want them, so we create a world where everything is nice and fun for them, and they can stay there forever!”

“don’t fuck with us!” another boy said, pushing past his friends. he was much taller than helix, and it showed when he stood right over her, arms folded. “beldams eat souls! they prey on kids who are unhappy, make them feel secure, then screw ‘em over until they die! what kind of sick twisted fuck are you to lie like that!”

helix cowered, expression one of bewilderment. they did what they did so children could be happy. they were good people.

...right?

“oi.” one of the girls tapped the guy on the shoulder. he stepped back from helix’s personal space. “i don’t think she’s lying. i think she’s just fucking stupid.”

the girl turned to helix, a sweet smile on her face. but it was too sweet. “hey, can i see your dolls? they look really cute.”

glad for the change of subject as well as the compliment about her craftsmanship, helix smiled and offered the dolls, one in each hand. the girl took both of them, turning them around as if inspecting them. then, just as it looked as though she was about to give them back, she threw them on the ground and stomped on them.

“fucking demon dolls, how do i know you’re not gonna use them to spy on us, huh?!”

helix screamed, horrified as the dolls’ faces, designed in her siblings’ likeness, became flat and muddy. a particularly harsh stomp on doll-zaire’s neck tore his head clean off, and doll-ada was now missing both her legs. helix fell to the ground and tried to salvage what she could, but a powerful kick to the head had her falling on her side.

the threatening boy continued to kick her despite her already being on the ground. “KILL THE BELDAM, KILL THE BELDAM!”

the other children joined in, pulling her hair and ripping her dress. one spat on her face. her hands clenched and unclenched, as though her dolls would reappear in her hands, safe and unharmed.

“guys... are you sure this is okay? isn’t she hurt enough?” one boy asked. the voice came from helix’s right.

the first boy, the dark haired one, snorted.

“doesn’t matter. after all, she’s a monster.”

for the two to three months she was on her own, helix learned how to survive. she figured out where to find food and how to avoid the other isle residents. she knew not to bring her dolls with her, and so doll-ada and doll-zaire, while repaired, now sat on her bed untouched. she didn’t have time for tea parties or drawing. she had to cook and clean and keep everything safe.

whatever innocence she’d once had was now gone. it had left with her mother, and she doubted it would come back once she returned. if she returned, she always reminded herself.

but emese did return. yet she wasn’t the mother helix remembered.

there were no more bedtime stories and no cheerful conversations. anytime she mentioned ada or zaire, or how they were doing, her mother would either mumble something about attacking ada or go into hysterics. or both. it was often both.

slowly, very slowly, she learned what happened.

her mother had lured thirty or so students, some of whom knew ada and zaire, who were friends with them, and took their souls. there was no longer any talk of how they helped unsatisfied children find homes. it was just taking souls. her mother had taken children just like helix herself and used them to feed her own personal hunger.

and she’d attacked ada while doing it.

she didn’t know the details. her mother didn’t want to talk about it, and anything she did say on the matter was too nonsensical.

helix remembered what one of the teenagers had said to her.

“she’s a beldam, why would she care about kids?”

she’d tried to convince herself that she and ada and zaire were different, that if anyone would be able to stop them, they could. that she would care. but if she’d attacked ada...

that was when she knew she had to leave. she could remain in this worn house, trying to look after both herself and her mother, especially when her mother wasn’t all there anymore. she needed answers and she needed a life outside of her mother’s now nonexistent protection.

as she’d left, all her mother had said was, “why?” why are you going? why are you leaving me?”

helix had turned around in the doorway, eyes sad and heavy.

“because i’m a monster.”

and then she left.

[everlarkbirthdaydrabbles]

Hi! My birthday is January 16th. I would love a best friends everlark drabble where someone assumes that they are a couple, even though both are hiding their feelings for the other. Thanks.

We’re celebrating with you @norbertsmom! We love your prompt and we’re so excited to present it to you on your special day. Happy birthday to the sweetest blogger we all know! 

Only For You

Katniss inspected her appearance in the closet’s full-length mirror as she dabbed gloss on her lips. She wanted to look nice for dinner with her best friend. She tried to tell herself that she was wearing the little black dress because Peeta always looked so put together and she didn’t want to embarrass him with her normal attire - skinny jeans, flannel button downs and work boots - but the flutter in her chest reminded her it would be a lie. She combed her fingers through her loose hair that fell behind her shoulders, remembering the first time Peeta had seen it without its usual braid. He’d smiled and called her pretty.

She checked her watch and noted the time, wanting Peeta to beat her to the restaurant. Even though they were only friends, the satisfaction she felt having his eyes skim over her was welcomed. They were supposed to meet at seven, and at 6:59 she hopped in her car and drove to their favorite Italian place.

She stepped out of her car, balancing on unpracticed heels, and walked into Arturo’s. It was where they’d first met when he was working in the kitchen and she at the bar. Since the first day their eyes had met, they’d been inseparable. She’d been attracted to him, but soon learned he was taken. She’d put those feelings aside, and once she did they’d become friends, and had been friends ever since. By the time Peeta had finally become single, they had such a good thing going she didn’t dare mess it up with a romantic relationship. Friends they were, and always would be.

True to her plan, Peeta was already seated, standing when he saw her. His eyes raked appreciatively over her lit up the room almost as much as his smile. “Hey,” he welcomed her, pulling out her chair and giving her a quick kiss on her cheek before taking his place across from her. When he’d started greeting her that way, she hadn’t minded at all. Even took to offering her cheek to him. That was where it stopped, though. She wouldn’t let her mind wander to what his lips would feel like on hers.

“You’re late,” he said teasingly. She always was, but if he only knew why…

“Only for you,” she quipped, and he quirked an eyebrow. She took a drink of the Cabernet he’d already ordered for her, and they fell into easy conversation.

When their food came, they both dug in, echoing delighted groans even though they had the same thing every time they were there. Lasagna for her, chicken marsala for him.

“That looks delicious,” Katniss said, eyeing his plate. He wound the spaghetti noodles around his fork, stabbed a piece of the chicken, careful to leave off the mushrooms he knew she hated, and reached across the table. Katniss leaned forward and wrapped her lips around the prongs and tugged the food off. One of the noodles didn’t quite make it into her mouth, so she slurped it in, leaving a small trail of the wine sauce on her chin. Before she could bring her napkin up, Peeta’s thumb swiped across her skin, cleaning the mess off her face. Instead of wiping it on his own napkin, he absently sucked it off his thumb.

She smiled at him and cut off a piece of her meaty lasagna. “Try this,” she said, holding it out for him the same as he had for her. It wasn’t like he’d never tried it before, but this was how their dinners always played out. No use straying from the norm. Peeta pulled the layered bite off her fork, slipping his tongue across his bottom lip to catch an errant drop of red sauce. His eyes shuttered and a soft moan escaped before he dabbed at the corners of his mouth with his napkin.

Plates shoved aside and wine glasses emptied, the two of them were silent as they perused the dessert menu Katniss was never able to pass up. Arturo made the best Tiramisu.

She folded dropped the menu on the table and rubbed her belly. “I’m so full I don’t think I can eat a whole one. Wanna share?”

Peeta placed his menu down and looked at the waitress. “We’ll have a latte with whip, a tea with no sugar, and one tiramisu with two forks please.”

When the waitress left, Peeta excused himself to visit the restroom. Katniss sat, mind gravitating involuntarily towards what it would be like when Peeta finally settled down with someone. She liked their comfortable evenings out, but she knew they wouldn’t last forever. A pinch of jealousy popped up, like a root looking for it’s first glimpse of the sun, when she thought about someone else sitting across from Peeta. Would he bring her here? Would he order her favorite wine and feed her off his own fork, too? The thought of him smiling at someone else the way he smiled at her made Katniss nauseous.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?” the waitress asked when she dropped off the two drinks and coffee-soaked ladyfingers layered with custard. Katniss was of the mind that one never needed to be hungry for dessert, but as beautiful as it looked, she thought it might turn sour in her already crowded stomach.

“No, thank you,” she said to the girl. The waitress hesitated, then decided to speak.

“This may not be my place to say, but… You two are the most adorable couple. It’s obvious you were made for each other, and I can only hope one day someone looks at me the way he looks at you.”

Katniss stared back the dark-skinned girl with tight, spiraling curls creating a halo of hair around her head and coffee colored eyes that accurately depicted longing for her future mate. “We’re just friends,” tumbled out of her mouth. The waitress’s doe eyes flitted away when she spotted Peeta weaving his way through the tables to them.

“Well, if you ask me,” she whispered quickly, “I think you have no idea the effect you have on him.” She set the bill on the table and then scurried away.

Peeta sat down, and reached for the bill, but she was too shocked by the girl’s words to play into the part of dinner where they fought over who would pay and who would get next time. Did she have an effect on him? Curiously, she scanned the other tables. There were only couples in the restaurant. She noted the wine glasses, a few shared plates between some of them, hands twined together, resting on top of the table. She even glimpsed a man pulling his fork away from a woman’s mouth, candlelight glinting off golden metal wrapped around his finger.  

“Are you okay?” Peeta asked, pulling her from her perusal of the obvious couples in the room. She watched him take a bite of the tiramisu, his eyebrows drawing together in concern when she didn’t respond. He reached across to press the back of his hand to her forehead, then her cheek. “Are you sick? You haven’t touched dessert.” Her eyes closed and she held in a sigh. His touch was always welcome, and she found herself clasping his hand with hers. Without separating, their hands rested on the table between them, and Katniss’s blood pounded in her ears.

Peeta didn’t seem to want to let go, and neither did she. Reluctantly, he did, so he could hand the waitress his credit card. The girl gave her a knowing look when she returned, and it was like the sky had opened up, letting in real sunlight and the freshest air. Had she been living in a box all this time? If so, she never wanted to go back.

They walked out of the restaurant, Peeta’s hand on the small of her back as he escorted her to her car. He opened her door and leaned in to leave a goodbye kiss on her cheek, the way he always did. The urge from earlier caught her by surprise, and she turned her head so that their lips pressed together.

Seconds passed before Peeta pulled back, his eyes searching hers.

“I had to know,” Katniss said, dazed. No turning back now. Not that she’d want to. The feel of his mouth against hers was better than she imagined, and she knew kisses to her cheek wouldn’t be enough anymore.

“What did you have to know?” Peeta asked her softly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. He didn’t pull his hand away, instead, weaving his fingers through the hair at her neck. His touch was warm and his half-lidded eyes sent a shiver through her.

“How your lips feel on mine,” she answered truthfully. His thumb brushed back and forth over her cheek.

“And?”

Katniss could see clearly the apprehension floating at the surface of the deepest pools of blue she’d ever gazed into. She wanted to make it disappear, and she answered him with a kiss of her own. Their lips lingered, chaste but sweet, savoring the new sensation.

They broke apart and Peeta rested his forehead against hers. “Finally,” he breathed, and she couldn’t help the smile that took over.

[illyriantremors]

Beneath the Stars Chapter 3

Chapter: I II

AO3 Linkage

Summary: Feyre finally makes it to her first art class of the week with Amren, but details over the class's end of year exams are hardly the relaxing getaway Feyre was hoping for. Luckily, a certain someone she met at the start of summer turns up with a surprising offer that could help take her mind off things.

Chapter 3

The smell of Room 701 was thick with paint. I could have died in that smell - the heavy acrylic that burned the insides of a person’s nose when it grew too pungent, like gasoline straight from the pump.

I found it soothing. I’d known it my entire life.

Mrs. Weaver could be a total Trelawney at times, but even when she was throwing pencils and banging her yardstick on the whiteboard to get our attention, I never felt better.

Goodness, how I missed this classroom.

Mrs. Weaver wasn’t in the room when I stopped in early on lunch to get ready for class, but Amren was. The sharply pointed ankle booties peaking out beneath one of the easels told me as much.

“Oh my gosh, Am - how the heck was Spain?!” I exclaimed, cringing to hear a little of the valley accent native to my region creep out of me in my enthusiasm. But who cares - Spain!

Amren didn’t move an inch. I sat down at the easel adjacent hers and started getting my brushes out regardless of the fact that I didn’t know what our first assignment would be. Amren hadn’t cared. She’d already painted a handful of dragons with mustaches in the corners of her canvas.

“Thrilling,” she said as though bored, but with Amren everything always sounded dull coming from her. To say Spain was thrilling meant it truly was. “Everything there is culture - the art, the museums, the-”

“The food??”

Amren finally set her brush down and deigned to look at me a touch indignant. I flicked my eyes up at her urging her to be honest. She sighed and said as though admitting a great shame, “I had tapas no less than three times a day in Granada.”

“That’s my girl!” Amren rolled her eyes, but I could see her lips flickering towards a smile.

“You sound like Morrigan.”

Ignoring the fact that I didn’t know who Morrigan was or why I sounded like her, I barreled on, “You look good. You’re nice and tan and your hair isn’t as pointy as it used to be.” I took the tip of one of my brushes - a clean one - and flicked the underside of Amren’s intensely blunt bob. The jet-black hue only made it that much more menacing on her already angular face. “I’d say a summer in Spain did you good.”

“Indeed,” she drawled, adding a handlebar mustache to one particularly orange and scaley dragon. “And how did you piddle away your summer? Please do not tell me you spent it all with that horrible boyfriend of yours?”

“Tamlin is not horrible!” She merely grunted. “Well he’s not. Compared to the rest of my family, he’s a saint.”

“The fact that you have to compare is indication enough, no?”

I didn’t reply and just as Amren turned to consider me in my silence - she was the one person I was generally chatty around - Mrs. Weaver buzzed into the room dripping in her crocheted shawls and vibrant costume jewelry.

“Feyre! Amren!” She clapped her hands together and they trembled tightly in front of her. “I am so glad to have you girls back again this season! Amren, I told you AP Studio Art would be a good idea.”

Mrs. Weaver always referred to school years as seasons. It felt like a more apt expression of the shifting times in our lives - like art come alive, she told us. Under her breath, Amren muttered, “Season hasn’t started yet, but anyway…”

I shook my head amused and prepared my station as the rest of our class filtered into the room at the sound of the bell - all five of them. Mrs. Weaver stood in front of us clutching her yard stick, a sort of security blanket for her, trembling with excitement. In my head, I waited with baited breath every time she did this for her to shout, “Look into the beyond! Use your inner eye to see the future!” Sadly, she never did.

“This season is going to be a vastly critical time in your lives,” she began after welcoming us all together. “The AP board, as you well know, has kept the same standard for examination in May, but the subject matter they’ve chosen for your projects is going to be challenging - self portraiture.”

Collectively, the entire room groaned.

“Can’t we just paint the canvases black and be done with it?” Amren asked. “That’s all they really expect from us anyway.”

Mrs. Weaver’s yardstick came flying down beside her with a snap on the air. “You most certainly will not! Unless of course, Amren dear, that is how you feel it best to express yourself.” She gave Amren a rather sharp look, but quickly regained her poppiness. “Between now and the exam deadline in May, you will have to complete no less than ten individual pieces under the theme of self-portrait for the commission board to review. Normally the exams are sat at the end of May, but given that you’ll be sending your art off for review, the work will be due at the start of the month, so I expect you all to be on task with this.”

She went around our little circle of easels and handed us the pages detailing the rules and limitations of our submissions. Another packet. At least this one was only two pages long and Mrs. Weaver had changed the font to a curling, friendly script.

In her opinion, all fonts that one did not have to guess about at least a few letters were offensive.

Ten pieces in slightly less than eight months was actually pretty tight. And self-portraiture? I was going to need a lesson from Van Gogh himself to figure out where to start on that one.

But the parameters weren’t horrible upon closer inspection - students may choose any medium with which to produce their pieces and submissions may be contained within any size or shape necessary as deemed by the student to represent their work.

I could work with that.

Amren apparently could too because her exam syllabus was already lying at her feet, a dusty pointed shoe print covering the top corner.

Mrs. Weaver set us to work on our easels for the remainder of the period with the simple task of putting down whatever first came to mind when we considered the word self as a way of getting us started preparing for our senior AP project. I knew Amren was bored when she started adding top hats to her dragons.

My canvas remained blank for a long time. Whenever I thought of the word self I thought of me, which I supposed made sense since the self was me in a weird meta sense my English teacher probably would have loved to hear more about. But who I was and what I saw in myself was a mystery.

I was an artist - yes, but artistry didn’t define me even if it fueled me. I was a daughter and a sister, but all of those bonds felt broken just then. I guessed I could have connected myself to Tamlin, but I was never one of those girls who defined herself off of whoever she was attached at the hip to.

All of this led me to avoid the idea that I was entirely blank inside, just as blank as the canvas staring at me. It was stark white - pure and untouched like the walls of my bedroom since I’d decluttered for the move.

The move that was happening tomorrow.

I swallowed. I wouldn’t do this here. Freak out. Art class was a safe space - a happy space.

The bell ringing snapped me awake.

“Feyre, you didn’t create anything,” Mrs. Weaver said a touch more than disappointed when she came round to my easel. I would have to come up with something eccentric to put her off.

“Sometimes nothing speaks more to a person than too much of something, Mrs. Weaver.”

Your inner eye has seen into the beyond!

Again, I was denied my vision.

“Well done, dear,” she said with a pat on my head before stopping at Amren’s easel. Amren sat back in her seat with a snarky look on her face, waiting to see what Mrs. Weaver would make of her dragons. Not much, it would turn out. “Well, you do enjoy your jewelry, Amren, but I expect an actual effort next time.”

Amren ran her hand along the many multi-colored bangles adorning her left arm, trinkets I supposed from her recent summer vacation.

I pulled my backpack together and stood to leave. “I don’t know how you do it, Am, but I envy your gusto.”

Amren snorted. “What happened over summer, Feyre?” she asked dead cold.

I tried not to break our walk out, shrugging casually. “Nothing really.”

“I don’t know how you do it, Feyre,” she mimed, “but I don’t envy your ability to lie. It sucks.”

I almost chuckled. “My mom left and that’s about it. Nothing interesting, like I said.”

Now, Amren did stop walking even as I pushed the door open. I paused when she didn’t catch up and felt a heavy weight I’d tried to ignore press in on my chest at the serious look she threw me. “What do you mean your mom left and that’s it? Aren’t you upset?”

Upset didn’t even begin to cover it - but again, I wasn’t going there.

“Not really. Oh and we’re moving. Guess I lied again. Can we go now? I’m starving!”

Amren caught up with me and swooped in so she was standing right in front of me, seeming a tall and fearsome pillar for one so short. “That’s why you didn’t write to me all summer. You usually email me constantly-”

“It’s not like you ever reply.”

“Besides the point! What happened?”

I shook my head looking up towards the ceiling - anywhere but the truth - and threw my hands up. “My parents had a fight, first night straight after school let out. Mom left. Dad drank. I went to a party. It was a merry summer and now my dad is moving us all tomorrow and I don’t have any choice in the matter.” My arms fluttered once more at my sides. “The end.”

“You always have a choice, Feyre.”

I whipped around and found - Rhysand? - Rhysand, that was his name, leaning coolly against the lockers outside our class and jumped back startled to see him there.

I’d almost forgotten about that night I’d met him at Lucien’s party. Our school was so large, it was hard to remember a one-night chance encounter, but the reality when I was being honest with myself was that I had secretly tried to forget the night. I had woken up the next morning feeling guilty for leaving Tamlin behind and then flirting with someone else, even if Rhysand was the one who had done 99% of the flirting.

Because really, he had. Flirting - and irritating. Mostly, he irritated.

“You learned my name,” was the first thing I could think to say to him and he gave me an infuriating smirk for noticing.

“Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?”

“Well you certainly are old.”

Rhys pushed off the lockers to stand next to Amren. “That’s why I’m senior class president. Only someone very old would have enough wisdom for the job. Thank goodness I’ve aged gracefully or it wouldn’t have mattered.”

“How very shallow of you, Mr. President,” I said, budging to inch past him so I could get to the parking lot faster.

“Ooh, bedroom names already. I like it.” He mimed straightening a tie on his shirt, which was crisp and buttoned enough that he could have been wearing one. This time, it was a deep magenta. “Would you prefer First Lady or Madame Secretary?”

I rolled my eyes and forced myself past him into the rush of leaving students with a muttered, “Please.”

“How about Senior Chair of Arts & Drama?”

“I take it you two know each other,” Amren said, sidling up next to me in step.

“No,” I said at the same time Rhysand sung out, “Yes.” I glowered at him and found him smirking like a cat at me. I also noticed he chose to walk next to me rather than on the side of Amren who I assumed he was here for since she was on SBC herself.

“The Senior Chair of Arts and I met at a party this summer,” Rhysand explained sounding as though he enjoyed this far too much.

“What are you prattling on about?” Amren snapped. “There is no Senior Chair of Arts & Drama.”

“There is now. You should have told me you were artistic,” Rhys said, turning his attention back to me. “I would have offered over the beer I stole from you at Lucien’s had I known.”

Amren stopped walking completely and pinched at his shoulder across me. “You were at Lucien’s this summer? What in the hell were you doing there?”

“Not important, Amren, love,” he replied though, picking an imaginary piece of lint off his shoulder. I noticed his tone was much less jovial. Amren glared at him. “We’ve been sorely lacking a figure for that department on Student Body Council for far too long. The job’s yours if you want it.”

It took me a few moments of silence to realize he was being completely serious. No flirtation. No weird humor. He was actually inviting me to join him on his cabinet.

“You’re crazy,” I said before those violet eyes had a chance to get me again. “What in the world am I going to do on Student Body Council?”

He took my lack of an outright no as encouragement. “Oh I can think of plenty of things you can do. I assume you’re handy with a paintbrush?”

“Ha-ha.”

“No really. My dear cousin will be ecstatic not to have posters for special events that suck anymore. We could use a good eye on activities programming. Does she have a good eye, tiny one?”

“Yes…” Amren dragged the word out dangerously, but Rhysand hardly noticed. I’d never seen Amren take this kind of mocking before with so little reaction - by her standards, anyway. There was a story there - one I didn’t know about and I thought I knew Amren pretty well.

“Well then you’re perfect,” Rhysand said pure and simple. “So what do you think, Madame Chair?”

We stepped outside and I spotted Tamlin across the quad waiting for me. I waved when he spotted me, but even at a distance, I could tell he didn’t look thrilled. His phone was out, the telltale sign of Newspaper meetings to come. My stomach churned.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said swiveling to a halt so I could cut off the conversation. “I have no desire to make my life any more busy than it already is. My senior art project alone is going to kill me.” And then as if Rhysand were no more important than a fly, I swapped my attention to Amren without another look in Rhysand’s direction. “Am, I’ll see you Monday.”

“But-” Rhysand cut himself off when he saw who I was walking towards. His face went stone cold and his hands were suddenly deep inside his pockets. He sounded okay, at least, when he called after me, “Alright, Madame Chair. But if you change your mind, the offer stands. It’s a long way til Winter Formal yet.”

I looked over my shoulder at him, my mind catching on the mention of our school’s annual mid-year dance. “Don’t hold your breathe. And don’t call me that!”

“What, Madame Chair? Even as I kept walking further and further away, Rhysand couldn’t seem to let the conversation wither and I had an even harder time not obliging him. “What am I supposed to call you then? Something tells me you won’t accept goddess divine.”

“Feyre works just fine, thanks!”

“Feyre,” he said, musing on my name like a sweet piece of candy he’d waited all day to press onto his tongue. “I can work with that.”

I’ll bet you can, I thought resisting the urge to wipe the sweat off my forward in relief, though there was a definite laugh ghosting in my throat.

“Were you just talking to Rhys…?”

“Hello to you too,” I said kissing Tamlin on the cheek and I sounded happier than I thought I would.

Rhys.

I chewed on the shorthand of his name, finding it interesting that Tamlin had used it.

“Not really. Come on, let’s get going already. I’m starving and a double-double sounds amazing right about now.”

Lucien stood a few feet behind Tamlin, his entire expression sour. “Actually…” Tamlin said and my chest fell mid-breath.

“Newspaper?”

“Newspaper.”

I nodded. “Well okay then, more fries for me, I guess.”

Lucien drew a rather sharp breath even for him and looked away so I could see his face, but he was definitely pissed off about something.

Tamlin looked pained as he wrapped his arms around me. “One more week, I swear and then it’s done.” Lucien made a derisive snort.

“I know, I know, I just miss you sometimes is all.” I leaned my chin against his chest and looked up at him enjoying how the dark green of his eyes played in the sunlight. “You’ll be there tomorrow, right?”

“As long as everything goes smoothly at the meeting tonight-”

“No,” I said hotly pulling back a space. “You promised you’d help me move. Please don’t ditch me for this. You’re at Newspaper all the time and this move,” I lowered my voice so I wouldn’t have to suffer Lucien overhearing, “Tamlin, I can’t do this alone.”

He kissed my forehead and I found myself leaning into him a little more. “I’ll be there. Promise.”

“Thank you,” I said in a deep exhale onto his chest. “It means a lot to me that you’d give up a day of something I know is really important to you.”

Lucien snorted - again, and I felt Tamlin’s body stiffen around me. He let go of our embrace and readjusted the straps of his backpack. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said with a bright smile, wide like a cloudless sky in the spring.

“You’re an idiot,” Lucien said after Tamlin had walked away. “I hope you know that.”

Not this again.

I moved closer to my little terror of a friend and crossed my arms with a deep sigh. “What in the hell is the matter between you two?”

“You should ask him that.”

“Or I could just ask you since you’re the one making snippy comments and scrunching your face up like someone just spit on you every time Tamlin so much as breaths.”

Lucien stared pointedly at the ground, his own arms crossed over his chest.

“Come on, Lucien,” I relented. “I’m not just his girlfriend. I’d like to think that after a year of hanging out with you by association that we can talk every now and then.”

The look Lucien gave me was pained - incredibly so. There was tension in the way the delicate muscles of his face held themselves, so tightly stitched together that the elegance was gone in favor of a secret, silent war I wasn’t privy to.

“There’s nothing the matter with me,” he said finally. “I’m perfectly amiable as always. Tam’s the one trotting around with his nose in the wrong book while the teacher watches.”

I had no idea what he meant.

“Give him time, Feyre.” His body broke hold on the strain keeping it in place. He sounded, well, defeated. “He’ll come around.”

By the time Lucien left me in the quad to go home, apparently deciding the solitude was worth avoiding the sufferings of an early dinner with me, the school had emptied and my car was one of the last ones in the student parking lot.

No Tamlin. No Lucien.

No one.

I vaguely wondered where Amren and Rhysand had gone off to and had a strange desire to find out.

Me - on Student Body Council. What a joke.

Flipping the engine on, I gripped the steering wheel focusing on the way my finger tips went numb the harder I squeezed. When I could barely feel them anymore, I peeled out of the lot and drove home alone.

AN: AP stands for Advanced Placement. AP classes are essentially college prep level classes that require a huge exam at the end of the year graded on a scale 1-5 and if you pass with a high enough score, some colleges will give you college credit for them. I never took AP Studio Art, so my knowledge of this exam was changed to fit this fic. Also, In n Out is a California fast food chain that most of us on the west coast hail as THE burger place to eat. The double double Feyre references is two patties and two slices of cheese on the burger as opposed to one like normal.

[lydialinker]

Kidney Prep: A Test of the Mind and Nose

I like trying new things and I’m always up for learning something new. Yesterday I prepared beef kidney for a stew for dinner for two. We are interested in getting the wide variety of nutrients we miss from only eating the same cuts of meat. Additionally, it’s important to us to honor the being that is feeding us by utilizing the entire animal. Offal cuts are cheaper because there is less demand, and probably by purchasing these unwanted cuts, there is less consumption of cattle. Always choose grass-fed, especially with offal, and especially with kidneys and liver as these are the body’s cleansing and detoxifying organs. Remember that.

Kidney, as with liver, needs at least a couple of hours to soak in a bath of something that releases all the toxins that were still in the animal at the time of slaughter. I’ve been soaking liver in milk which makes it a lot more palatable. I found beef kidney cleaning instructions on livestrong.com that looked good. It calls for soaking the kidney meat in water with either a little white vinegar or lemon juice added for two hours. That sounded pretty safe to me, especially with the added acid.

I figured I should start the prep after lunch so that we could make a nice stew that will have, er, stewed for a long time and still eat dinner before it gets late. Trying to be conscientious of natural human biorhythms means being asleep by sundown and eating your last meal at least a couple of hours before then. I started prepping at around 1:30 pm.

We had purchased a frozen package of beef kidney. It had thawed in the fridge overnight. I cut open the package and drained the liquid, then slid the kidney onto my meat cutting board. It smelled bad. It smelled like someone had urinated nearby and the urine had gone stale. I read the instructions to cut the outer membrane away, but upon inspection of my beef kidney, I couldn’t find a membrane on the outside. I was feeling squeamish about handling the meat, so I just kept turning it and inspecting it to get a little more comfortable and familiar. The smell wasn’t super strong but it was off-putting. I’ve sat next to dirty homeless people on the bus and although not enjoyable to smell such a stench with each inhale, I feel like I can manage a bus ride. That person is the one who has to live with the smell. They can’t be happy about that either. I feel for these people.

Not being able to find a membrane, I moved on to slicing “the kidneys in half, lengthwise. Cut out and discard the round lump of white fat in the center of each kidney half.” I wasn’t sure if I was looking at more than one kidney. Is it common to refer to one kidney as “the kidneys”? I know humans have two kidneys but I’m not sure of the anatomy of a cow. My kidney was open and revealed the white fat inside, so I thought I didn’t need to cut it in half. I just started cutting the fat away from the kidney.

Never having done this before, I wasn’t sure how thorough to be. Maybe this fat was part of the membrane I hadn’t removed? So I was being very precise and delicate about removing just the fat and not disturbing the organ part. However, as I started gently removing the fat, I noticed how deep the fat reached into the kidney. It required me digging in with my knife and fingers to sever all the sinewy fat fingers that wrapped themselves deeply into the kidney organ pods. As I cut into the organ itself, that terrible urine stench would come up into my face. I wasn’t going to vomit, but I did exclaim, “Dear Lord! That is bad!” The work was slow going and extremely stinky. I became more and more frustrated as I hadn’t managed to remove any fat. I started to inspect the fat and it was this one big long bundle of sinew and ligament-like fat strings covered in fatty globs. There was no way to extract it from inside the kidney housing, so I finally cut the entire kidney in half, lengthwise. More urine stench arose.

I realized my facial muscles were getting tired from making the scowl of concentration that I couldn’t relax. It was the only way my face could bare the smell and keep working. I was now hacking away at this stupid piece of “fat” that was less fat and more embedded internal bits. And the more I hacked, the more I was decimating the meat which released more smell. The scene was gruesome. I had kidney all over my hands and knife. My face was a scowl. I was fatigued, I didn’t know how much longer I could stand and concentrate so deeply and be in the smell. I was getting lazy with the knife. I looked at the clock and it was 2:12 pm. I had been working on this for 45-minutes and I hadn’t even removed my first piece of fat! I screamed and cried and exclaimed about the smell and cursed the stupid piece of meat with all kinds of unladylike and un-Buddhist monk-like expletives. I’m not sure what the neighbors thought, but I didn’t care. I’m sure they could also see me through the kitchen window screaming and crying and wielding the knife.

I wanted to stop doing this task, at least take a break, but I also wanted it to be done so it could start soaking in its vinegar bath. I didn’t plan on it taking so long. Looking at the clock and looking at my diminutive progress raised my anxiety level like a mercury thermometer on a sweltering hot day. In fact, I was sweating. I had to just finish this task. I sloppily cut the smallest half of fat out of its kidney casing. I hurled it angrily into the sink. Fuck you, fat! I butchered the other, larger fat half by halving it again into a more accessible chunk. I had to sever more of the kidney meat, which meant more stench rising from the gore on my cutting board. I finished with the smaller chunk and hurled it into the sink, and finally removed the largest chunk of disgusting kidney fat and threw it with all my remaining might into the sink with a scream.

I rinsed the kidney meat in cold water because it was so messy. I then had to chop it up into 1 1/2-inch pieces. I did this as quickly as I possibly could, not only because my patience had long since departed for a nap, but because it smelled like a urinal. After washing my hands, again, I created the bath by filling a bowl with cold water and dumping a splash of white vinegar and some shakes of salt into the water. Then I placed all the meat in the bowl and put the bowl in the fridge for a couple of hours.

I returned to the sink for clean-up. I did not compost the fat. I thought it was too horrid for even compost. I just stuck it in the garbage along with the plastic packaging. I washed my knife and board, then I washed my hands, again. I went to lie down and either nap or read. My mind was so agitated, I needed something to calm down.

When my guy came home, I was still upset from the whole experience. I told him about the horrible smell and how it took an hour to prep the thing. It had soaked for two-hours by then, which was a relief. He offered to make the stew because I was obviously traumatized by the kidney cleaning experience. I tried to participate and help and actually make the stew, but I had such bad feelings towards the kidney meat and the memory of the smell was embedded in my nostrils that I just became angry and irritated at every attempt to make the stew. I couldn’t do it. I snapped at my partner on every little thing. The thought of actually eating this meat was revolting to me. I wound up going into the other room and shutting my eyes.

I fell in and out of sleep. I stayed out of the kitchen physically and mentally. I just stopped responding to what was happening around me. My sweet man came in to get me when the stew was finished. I must admit, the smells coming from the kitchen were delicious smelling and did not smell anything like what was happening in there a few hours before. But I couldn’t eat. In fact, I was so upset I just wanted to go to bed. I prepared for bed around 6:30 pm. I read and slept without eating dinner. I couldn’t stomach it. I slept soundly that night, and when I woke up at 5:00 am, I was still residually angry. It took my whole morning regimen up until showering to slowly let go of all that anger and anxiety and stress. I don’t know if that’s because of the shear enormity of agitation I felt doing this horrible and disgusting task, or if maybe it’s toxic to smell all that kidney odor for an extended period of time. Stresses can come from a variety of sources and I believe we can reduce our stress by staying clear of the stresses that we can choose to stay clear from.

I still haven’t tried the stew. I’m sure it’s delicious. I’m not feeling I can stomach it still. Might be too soon. I really don’t want to buy more beef kidney, even if he promised to prep it next time. I don’t like feeling angry and anxious. I’ll keep you posted on when I’m able to try eating the kidney.

[mrsindiesmothers-blog]

Scenes From a Mommyhood

DAY ONE—

I survived! Holy crap, there is not enough made of how painful bringing a child into the world really is. I am so happy to be holding my baby after carrying him for so long. All the dreams I had about what he would look like are blown out of the water. I have given birth to a little ball of cuteness and judging by my choice of words, the pain medicine has not worn off completely.

I wanted to do things by the book and when I say book I mean Spiritual Midwifery. I had so many ideas about what labor would be like. The book made it seem like I could have a magical experience pushing my baby out. Nothing was magical about it, no matter how much I listened to Cat Stevens or breathed through the rushes. At no point did I see colors surrounding the other people in the room. At midpoint through my labor, I believe I told my nurse that I suspect LSD played a part in their birthing stories. My nurse pointed out that all the stories were written after the fact. I liked that nurse.

I felt like a failure when I gave in and opted for an epidural. Society played a part in my decision to be all natural in my delivery, but when the time came, society was not helping me through my labor. Ten hours of pain and craziness then all at once, he is here. Not enough is made about tearing during birth. Then again, if more people knew how painful healing from that is, I think the population would drop considerably.

The rest of the day, people were in and out of my room with congratulations. It felt like my heart would stop every time the nurse would take my baby for testing or bathing. Wow, I am a mother. The last nurse has left for the night. Now what? I looked at my baby boy, sleeping so calmly. Maybe labor isn’t so bad…

DAY 30–

Wow, one month into this whole mom thing and I have managed to not drop the baby. Go me! I feel like once I am able to get through a diaper change without him peeing on me, I will receive a badge for my mommy sash or an achievement will unlock.

I managed a trip to the store the other day. I was so freaked out walking around with such a little baby. I felt like I was ready to box with anyone who tried to look at him too closely. I never thought about germs like this before. Those little terrorists are looking to attack my little helpless baby. Admittedly, I may be a bit neurotic about it, but I am not taking my chances. I am glad that I had the forethought to make a list, because as soon as I walked into the store all I could think of were germs and more germs.

I stood in front of the baby formula for what felt like an eternity. My doctor’s words echoed in my head, “The medicine that you need to take for your asthma will affect your breast milk, it would be best if you bottle fed him.” So, breast feed or breathe, well shit…

DAY 366—

Yesterday marked a year of keeping my baby alive. It seems like a miracle to have made it so far, but at the same time it feels like time has flown. He is teaching me not to have any expectations anymore.

I had a party for the family, but I am sure he really did not care so much. I put a cake in front of him and all he did was stare at it. I was so sure that he would grab it and make a mess, but he didn’t. Half-disappointed I put his hand on the cake and put his icing-covered hand on his face. The look he gave me was so heartbreaking! His little bottom lip stuck out and his eyes watered. He stuck his hand out to be cleaned so I cleaned it, all the while feeling like an asshole.

After everyone left, I started to clean up while still feeling bad for making my boy do something he didn’t want to. All of a sudden from the other side of the house came a loud scream. I ran to his room so fast that I set foot in the door before the sound had stopped. My heart was racing. I looked in his crib, expecting some horrific scene of pain or poop. He was standing with his arms reached out, “Mom ma up!” His little chubby hands opened and closed rapidly, I call it his gimme gimme sign. I picked him up and inspected him as I took him into my arms. As soon as he was safely in my arms, his little hands grabbed my ears and pulled my face to his open mouth. Slobbery baby kisses make everything better…

DAY 886—

I never thought that becoming a mother would make me so antisocial. Two and a half years into this and I am starting to think I have learned nothing at all. I took my big boy to the park today and we had a good walk before going to the playground area. I was making sand castles with him when other kids came to play.  Wanting him to socialize with other children, I showed him how to share his sand toys with other kids. I noticed that the other parent was distracted, talking on her cellphone. The kids were playing fine until the other child took a shovel from my son and hit him on the head with it. I grabbed the shovel with the other child’s hand still clenched on it. I turned and motioned for the other parent while saying as nicely as I can, “We don’t want to hit our friends, sweetie.”

When the other mother got to where we were, she grabbed my hand and pulled it away. “Don’t you ever touch my kid!” At this point I am wondering if I have been punked, was this person for real? “I have not touched your child. I merely moved the shovel that he had hit my son in the head with.” The cursing continued until I had finally had enough and picked up our sand toys and left. Sometimes I just don’t want to be around other people, just my bubs and I. Selfish, I know…

DAY 1,277—

Finally! No more diapers! I think this instance was the only time in my life that I did an end zone dance. No more expensive diapers and ointments, no more gross diaper changing stations at Walmart. How did we celebrate this victory? By watching Disney’s Cars for the 17 millionth time! I am sure it has been less than that, but I lost count after the 1,257th. I am not sure if the military knows of this kind of torture. I try to focus on my work, but the songs keep creeping into my consciousness. I found myself typing something about life being a highway.

Bedtime has gotten interesting; the sleeping arrangements now are mommy and daddy in Bubby’s bed or mommy, daddy, and Bubby in mommy and daddy’s bed. All night we do this dance. Mommy and Daddy lie down in Bubby’s bed and read him bedtime stories till he falls asleep. Then we creep out of his room like ninjas so we can have some alone time. We get about an hour before we hear little bare feet on ceramic tile. At this point we have a few options available to us: one of us take him back to his room and lay down with him, he come lay in bed with us, or send him  back to bed without us. So here is the rub:

If one of us goes to put him back to bed we run into the situation where whoever goes will fall asleep in the room with him. Then the other has to come and wake them quietly and they both have to ninja their way out again. This presents another opportunity for our Bubs to wake up.

If we let him lay in bed with us, he wins and we have the most uncomfortable sleep. He does not curl up snuggly and perfect in his sleep, he rolls around until we create a perfect “H” in the bed where his is periodically kicking one or both of us to the edges of the bed. This guarantees a morning of copious amounts of coffee and ibuprofen (for us of course).

Then there is sending him to bed on his own, this usually causes crying which tugs at our hearts. He makes up being scared of Lightning McQueen in order to come back and appeal his case every 20 minutes. This leads us back to letting him lay in bed with us and the subsequent coffee with a coffee chaser.

So the continual Cars soundtrack to my life while living on poor sleep has me ready to talk. The military should really know about this…

DAY 1,300—

Today I took my boy to his first day of preschool. A rational human being would see this as a good thing, but I never claimed to be rational. Nope. Not once. He was so strong and cool about it. He acted like this was what he did every day. How can he be so cool about this? As he let go of my hand and walked into class, I fell apart. I suddenly found myself wishing I was as cool as my son…

DAY 1,955—

Today was just so incredibly horrible; I thought I was going to burst. I woke late because my alarm was muted by little fingers. I hold over and the clock read 7:30 a.m.! I fell out of bed. Opting to skip my shower to gain more time, I ran to wake my boy and get him dressed for school. As I was trying to get him dressed he kept grabbing my face and kissing me, saying, “I wuv you.” This act would normally make me so incredibly happy, but it slowed our morning when we were so incredibly behind. I got us ready and out the door by 8:10. The kindergarten door closes at 8:15 so I had just enough time to get him to school. However, it turned out my clock was off because as I was pulling up, the door was closing. I had to park the car, walk my son through the front door of the school, and sign him in so he could get a special sheet of paper to show his teacher. After he was safely in his classroom, I walked out to my car. I just happened to look down at the ground by my car and noticed my tire was flat. So, all dressed up for my presentation at school, I put the donut on my car and limped it over to the tire shop.

Luckily I had replaced that tire recently so it only needed a patch, but the repair caused me to be even more behind. I sat in the waiting area buzzing with frustrations that I could not share with anyone. Once I was back on the road again, I made it onto the freeway just in time for the rush hour to die down. I cranked up the stereo and drove like a bat out of hell, well at least which was what the officer said I did when he pulled me over for speeding. I gritted my teeth and accepted my ticket with a “thank you officer.”

I made it to school 25 minutes late for my presentation, but luckily enough my professor accepted my ticket as an excuse. Even though my clothes were disheveled and my hair was wind-blown, I gave my presentation my all. When class was over, I headed back to the school to pick up my son. His teacher handed me his school pictures. His smile made me laugh because it was not a smile, well more like he was baring his bottom teeth. He had lost his first tooth a few days before so I am sure he wanted to document the occasion.

When we got home, the dog had managed to get into the brand new, rather expensive, locking garbage can and strewn its contents all over the floor. I had lost count of how many times I had cussed at this point, but my son reminded me by running through the house screaming, “shit, shit, shit, damn it…” Well shoot. Having given up on making anything out of the day, I ordered pizza, put on a Thomas and Friends movie, and sat snuggled next to my boy while I did my reading for class.

Apparently I had fallen asleep because I began to dream about really useful engines and devious diesels. I jolted awake and looked down. My big, little man was curled up asleep against me. I put him to bed in his room, poured a glass of wine, and cried…

DAY 2,920—

I often wonder if I am doing a good job raising my son. Today he turned 8, a fact that I still find amazing. He had a sleepover last night with 5 of his friends. He had met his friends from different places so I was not sure how they would get along together. They wound up getting along rather well, all but one. I wondered about how he would do, the last time he was over he made some questionable remarks. My son wanted to give him a second chance, so we did.

Two of my son’s friends are brothers and one of them is autistic. It never mattered to my son or me, but when my son’s other friend started to pick on him, well I was going to make him leave. Leave it to my son to teach me something. He went to his friend and explained to him about his other friend’s autism. He told him not to make fun of his friend because he liked him the way he was.

Admittedly, under my breath, I told that kid where to go, but I was glad my boy had it under control. Never again will I question whether I am doing a good job. No. That’s a lie. I will question myself every minute of every day, but I am glad for the little moments like this.

DAY 3,300—

My son had to stop going to his Kung Fu lessons today because we cannot afford them. He had been doing so well. I feel like the worst person on the planet. Will I ever be able to make it up to him? I really hope so. Major Mom Fail. Major…

DAY 3,564—

Today we went to the arcade! My husband and I felt like children again. We had so much fun showing our son how to play shooting games, pinball, and all the other games. The three of us played all afternoon, ate pizza, and then played some more. It was just so refreshing to get out and be playful. Between my husband and our son, we wound up with a lot of tickets. As we were leaving Bubby asked, “How do video games work?” This started my husband on a long drawn out explanation that lasted the entire car ride home. Today was a good day…

DAY 3,832—

Today my ten year old son came up to me and asked me what a Higgs boson was. I thought I had a few years before particle physics. I wanted to tell him to ask his father, but instead I opened my laptop and we looked it up. According to my son’s teacher he is exceptionally brilliant and what’s more he is exceedingly kind to his classmates. I cannot be more proud of him if he had won a Nobel peace prize. Through all my mistakes and fumbling through life, he became the best of me.

Soon enough he will be in high school and I will not be as cool in his eyes. I will look back on days like these and smile, because I will always be his mommy.