#it counts as analysis in my brain

[nyxi-pixie]

dazai getting strategically lazy when his boyfriends are around is very funny to me.

like chuuya shows up and hes like oh sick i can make like one half assed plan and then he can carry so hard his spine is in danger of snapping <33

he and ranpo start having brain sex and hes like oh cool everything will work out fine :D hes so smart and cool and good at everything i can just relax now :DD

[ar1mas]

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[magdasdolmaker]

Evil, But Lame

(Why I dislike Leighton more than Bailey or Whitney)

DOL Character Analysis/Comparison (sort of)

Disclaimer:

This post contains Degrees of Lewdity (DOL) content and spoilers, as such sexual themes and violence. No minors allowed.

Please don't take the listed explanations below as 'excuses' for criminal behaviour. I am not defending or condoning the actions done by these fictional characters.

Also, the sprites are just the result of me fucking around Character Viewer + bad edits.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything and everybody sucks in DOLville (or my other favourite nickname - Rapechestershire), but in my books, Leighton deserves a special mention. 

This dastardly disgusting failure of an educator cultivated within me a personal vendetta and now I always make it a point to antagonise them and make them the butt-monkey in all my playthroughs. The reasons are as follows:

They love to power-trip and lord it over students and teachers alike.

Their demeanour is so slimy. Compared to two other ‘villains’, he’s all gross but no substance (at this rate, their personality can be used as mediocre lube). 

Bailey (the main villain) is impassive and mostly fearless, and Whitney (the school bully) is sometimes so over-the-top that it comes across as theatrical (which makes sense - they’re putting on a show for their gang and the nearby audience) that I don’t take them seriously (most of the time).

I currently have minimal info on Leighton’s backstory, but I have yet to see a ‘sympathetic’ reason for their actions and behaviour.

Leighton's victim count is high and he has been blackmailing/molesting students for decades, and it’s not a stretch to say that he’s probably a big reason why so many adults (Spoiler: D) in town are also traumatized or fucked up.

He revels in the current power structure and town dynamics, while Bailey (implicitly) and Whitney (explicitly) acknowledges how fucked up everything is.

Also, here’s a comparison (again, I only included Bailey and Whitney as these are the two ‘antagonistic’ characters I have the most interactions with):

Vs. Bailey

Bailey’s motivation is primarily money. They will blackmail you (among other things) for profit, whereas Leighton will blackmail you to satisfy his lust and ego.

I can respect Bailey's character (not his actions 😭) -  they’re callous and ruthless, but they’re also strong and reliable. Personality-wise, I like that they’re impassive, calculating, and dangerous, fitting for the overarching villain. Bailey generally won’t regard you lustfully, unless you go out of the way to do so (cough Troublemaker cough). While steep, their payments do have a cap. Also, I personally believe they dislike orphans who play it safe to gain money because they themselves got their hands really dirty to make money (like the PC, potentially).

Defeating Bailey is also incredibly difficult...because they're impossibly fit and tenacious.

Leighton is petty (they will retaliate if you blackmail him), weak-willed, complacent, (his computer is easier to break into and he easily gets distracted by his own lust), and a serial molester (with a high victim count and long track record - it’s not a stretch to say that he’s probably a big reason why so many adults in town are also fucked up).

Defeating Leighton is way easier and he’ll throw a lame insult at you afterwards.

In terms of administration, I dare say Bailey’s better at running the Orphanage than Leighton running the School.

Spoiler: IIRC, Bailey was also an Orphan, he made the Orphanage better since the last caretaker, and he also has debt. I believe the money they collect from the orphans goes into that debt.

Vs. Whitney:

There’s little revealed about Whitney’s actual motivations but their demanding and bullying behaviour is most likely because of their personal circumstances, the need to gain status, and maintain the approval of their gang. In the most sympathetic light, they’re a neglected teenager who thinks being bigger and badder is the best way to protect themselves in a shitty town. Private moments (esp as an LI and w/o his gang’s influence) show they can be rather responsible and capable of showing concern for the PC.

By contrast, Leighton is an adult authority figure who perpetuates systematic abuse and currently shows no sign of remorse as this helps to keep themselves in power. With their backstory unrevealed, they’re just a pervert who likes preying on the young and vulnerable. They either view you as “Oh, you’re still here?” or “I’m gonna have my fun with youuu”🤮

As shown in some Whitney scenes, Leighton still has some sort of control over Whitney (they give Whitney lighter punishments in exchange for keeping other students in control, and even Whitney won’t refuse a summon from the Headteacher) and most likely has the means to harshly punish Whitney if they’re not useful to them anymore.

You can make Whitney pay for their crimes or retaliate against them, but Leighton, as a major figure in town, can easily get off scot-free (in most cases).

While Whitney will pimp you out (which I hate, they're my primary LI ffs, I really hope this improves in future updates), you can escape some encounters (if you have high Athletics or they have Low Dom) and he mostly does so for the money (they even split the profit with you in one encounter lol). Leighton will force you to have noncon sex (with other students or a freaking dog) as a punishment.

Tbh, both are bad: Whitney can also force you into noncon but they can be fought off easily and they often do so in the spur-of-the moment if you defy them (please don't interpret this as excusing this unhinged behaviour), but Leighton plans their attack, coerces multiple students, and records it for blackmail, which I think is more damaging to multiple parties and harder to navigate (game-wise).

Honestly, Whitney, if left unchecked and goes the criminal route, can probably end up similarly like Leighton (abusing power), but I imagine they’d be more dangerous and calculating as an adult (more similar to Bailey, but cockier).

And if you guys are interested, here’s what I’ve done as revenge so far 😈:

Overpowered him (as a Tiny MC) during his spanking detentions with an audience

Humiliated him and made them cum (Feat: Leighton’s Nightmare)

Eloped with someone else during the aftermath of their card game victory 

Pegged them and took their butt v-card (in their own words: “Yes! Make me your strap-on bitch!”)

In progress: Sending him to the Pillory during the Police Infiltration quest

In conclusion: Leighton is a slime ball, currently has no sympathetic reasons for their behaviour, and is an old pervert with an ego. I also like picking on them but I have to say, my initial vehemence for them has now softened into petty annoyance (possibly even grudgingly fond).

If you read up to here, bless you. Gotta go make cream buns now.

~ Magda's Maker

[revel-inbluehues]

Okay, now that I've got the fangirling out of the system, some initial thoughts on dialogue.

XL - he sounded more confrontational in the dub. He also said the best fucking line ever; "you don't know him like I do". Like, sweetie, you sound like you're defending your good-for-nothing boyfriend from your friends and family while they tell you that this is a bad idea. Tbh, that is kinda what is happening. But also, the one tiktok with this exact line and talking about opinion on assault/salt popped up instantly.

PM - he sounds hot, sue me. But, yeah, defo a honeyed hoe vibe from him.

JW - I praise whoever came up with the English dialogue and his va because the lines and delivery were amazing. By tone, he sounds confident, kind but watchful, and miffed, like a parent whose child didn't live up to their words or expectation, which is exactly what you would be expecting. The lines add to this. "Torture", "disrespect", "disappointed" and "selfishly" are the main words, where it's clear that JW blames XL for not reaching out, for pushing him away. It sounds like a concerned parental figure, but it also has manipulation, where JW wants XL to feel guilty for his actions. He then proceeds to talk about how XL's actions have made things more difficult for him and how XL has his implicit trust. This, combined with the guilt-tripping, made XL feel somewhat responsible for associating with HC, which he doesn't feel bad about, and for making things harder for JW, which XL might be feeling bad about. Technically, none of this is a bad thing; JW, as both a highly political figure, leader and mentor figure for XL, could simply be trying to guide a misfortunate subordinate and student to stay out of trouble and safe by gaslight, gatekeep, girl bossing him. But, knowing JW's full past completely recontextualises the whole thing, and everything sounds so much more sinister, an attempt at control and teaching, a perverse form of care, and a shit ton of manipulation. Either way, for both novel readers and donghua only, you can tell that something is off.

SQX - both male and female voices were unique but fitting to their physical form, and every line from them was absolute gold and had me laughing, especially when he was talking about how pretty he is.

HC - woof. No, but seriously, when I first watched season 1 dub, I genuinely thought that HC's voice actor was Tatum because of the Sebastian Michaelis resemblance, so it made sense when I heard that Sebastian was the inspiration. The difference between s1 and s2 is the fact that in s1, HC was softer and brighter when interacting with XL while being baiting and mocking towards everyone else. In s2, in the 2 lines we got, it was so obvious that he was leaning into the suave and self-assurance because he's not dealing with people he dislikes or XL. He's in his territory, in front of his subjects who adore and follow him. His tone speaks volumes of his power in the city; he sounds arrogant, but it's justified, so really, it's true, backed-up confidence. The last 2 lines reminded me so much of Sebastian with calm, poised, but ultimately vicious tone.

[difeisheng]

trying to beat back the part of my brain currently insisting that my place in fandom is earned through creating things, and if i'm not doing that then i'm ""falling behind"" or some bullshit. objectively yes i KNOW it's not true and that's not how this space works. yes i know that fandom isn't a job. and YET here i am anyway stuck with some kind of internal voice that's a cross between imposter syndrome and a shift manager grumbling at me and i'm begging for it to shut up

[lord-squiggletits]

I know there are as many religious good guys as there are religious bad guys in IDW, but I think I pinned down the reason why it feels like the most prominent religious figures are all bad guys and it's pretty much due to the worldbuilding.

Maybe my memory of the comics is just really bad, but the religious worldbuilding in IDW is....kind of trash honestly. I'm not sure there's a single religion or religious custom that doesn't exist solely to further the plot along. Like, it's one thing for the Camiens to worship the Primes and that causes a lot of stuff in exRID/OP, but what does that worship actually look like? What are their holidays, customs, religious texts? What about "spectralism" which basically the only thing we know about is the Festival of the Lost Light and some hippie color coding and aura shit? Like sure, there are characters who are religious and their beliefs come into play sometimes, but it honestly feels (especially in MTMTE) more like their religiousness only exists when it's relevant to the plot and it's just kinda. Disappointing eh. Lacking in worldbuilding. Plus the more religious a character is the more it's written as their entire personality and the driving force making them evil so it just kinda made me cringe to read honestly.

[currently-becoming-potatoes]

I think I've decided my gender is willful Shakespeare men

[bahoreal]

"learn to code" as advice is such bullshit. i have learned and used four and a half different coding languages through my career (html/css, java, python+sql, c++) and when i say used i mean I've built things in every one but the things that i actually used these languages for??? these earn zero money (with the caveat of until you have seniority in, e.g. front end web dev) what people really mean when they say learn coding is "learn to code. go into investment banking or finance startups." coding does not inherently have money in it. my absolute favourite part of coding? my peak enjoyment? was when i was developing for a visual coding language (you put it together like a flowchart, so say youre using a temperature sensor and you want it to log the temperature once every four hours, you can put the blocks together to make it do that. i was writing the code behind the blocks for new sensors) and i was earning £24k a year and that wasn't even part of my main role. it was an extra voluntary thing i was doing (i was working as a research assistant in biosensors - sort of - at a university, and was developing the visual code for students who didnt want to learn c++) like. i want people to learn to code, i want people to know how their electrical equipment works and how coding works, but dont believe the myth that there is inherently money in coding. the valuable things, the things people are passionate about are still vulnerable to the passion tax (if you want to do it you dont have to be paid for it). skills arent where the money is, money is where the money is.

[kikizoshi]

I think I may have figured out how to put it: Nikolai sees people's souls through the cracks in their masks, and Fyodor sees people's masks as a facet of their souls.

Then, since for Nikolai this perception goes both ways, he's never had anyone see much of his soul through his own mask's cracks (and we can sort of see this with Atsushi, that even when Nikolai let his mask drop entirely—both literally and symbolically—Atsushi still didn't see or "get" him at all). So, it must have struck him especially hard when Fyodor easily saw his entire soul with (not even in spite of, but simultaneously with) his mask. For the first time, someone engaged with Nikolai's soul, and that person couldn't be anything other than his dearest, most intimate friend.

[ponds-of-ink]

Had this epiphany that Danglars has the slightest hint of being a loser-boy. The smallest hint of being an absolutely pathetic wreck of a rat-man... but he steamrolls that vibe as if it were the foulest thing on this earth.

[fizzyorange-v2]

me: i have to revise for this exam tomorrow. it’s worth 50% of my grade for the entire semester. i didn’t turn up to half my classes. i haven’t done a single bit of revision yet. i need to just sit down and work.

also me:

[writesailingdreams]

Olivia and Yunan

(was I subtly putting off watching this ep? yeeah, a little bit)

Rewatching it now, I think one reason it still gives me extremely uncomfortable chills, in a way True Colors doesn't, is because this new plot-terror with Marcy isn't packaged with the friendship feelings of Anne and Sprig. I'm not getting inundated in passionate platonic fierce feelings of friendship which is my main emotional investment in this show.

But here, it's just Marcy alone, upset and then forcibly caught and possessed. Do. Not. Like.

That said, while I definitely had a lot of concern for Marcy's well-being, this didn't make me like her more (or make her more relatable); it only made me horrified/concerned for her.

And I think that by this point, she was already probably one of the most popular aspects of the show (I often find I don't like/like as much the popular aspects/characters of some media? looking at you Disney's Hercules and Aladdin), so it hit with a harder punch for the fandom in general.

I will say, this ep does a good job of showing off more of Marcy's internal emotional feelings at this point in her life and how much she values (and puts pressure) on her interpersonal relationships and whether those are welcoming/acceptable to others in the relationship.

I do regret there wasn't more of Olivia and Marcy together.

I actually wonder if some of Marcy's love for Amphibian botany owes anything to Olivia's influence -- Marcy learning about a legacy of environmental guardianship.

I do think a good argument could be made that initially Marcy's feelings on also helping care for and protect the environment of Amphibia was flavored by a sense of adventure-world rpg-ing. That's sort of why I wish there had been more of Olivia and Marcy; to show some genuine Marcy making a connection and growing.

But then Marcy's story is prominently, as it seems so far, about loneliness and the struggle to avoid it. If she had been making connections that helped her feel less fear about being abandoned and alone, she wouldn't have been as vulnerable to Andrias' plot. And a lot of all that is pretty much a large portion of her plot.

(There's more to her character and personality than that, but in terms of her plot significant, it's pretty much "I don't want to be alone, so I try to avoid that but doing that only leads to me being more alone because I didn't talk to others and I have to actually trust others to not leave me alone". This is contrasted to Andrias' whole friendship and father backstory.)

I will say also: I love a lot of what this episode does in it's setup to rescuing Marcy. The focus on environmental degradation as a turning point in Marcy's rescue + just as a general antagonistic aspect is something I love. One because it fits with Marcy's love for the wildlife (botanical and animal), and two because I just really like that idea.

[hylianengineer]

Data is a beautiful thing. Getting data to the point where it's usable is almost always torturous.

[punkbeetleart]

top 3 favorite oofuri characters🎤

omg wait. This is so tough cuz like. My faves don't *really* make sense LMAO

Okay hear me out.

1. Takase Junta

2. Yoshimi Ootagawa

3. Abe Takaya

But like!!! Story wise TECHNICALLY abe is my favorite,,,,, but junta and ootagawa I just love with all my heart for so little reason,,, they're so blorbo from my show

[depressedtheatrekiddo]

"I'VE SEEN IT, IN THE POEMS, IN THE SAND"

and

"I TRY TO REWRITE IT BUT I CAN'T"

will forever be a part of my soul.

[pathologicalreid]

hi! i was wondering if i could request a spencer x fem kindergarten teacher! reader who has to be interviewed by the team when something happens to one of her students (they find him) and spencer sees her and is just like in love immediately. thank you so so much!

kindergarten crush | S.R.

when one of your students goes missing, the BAU sends the A-team to ask you some questions

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff content warnings: allusions to child abuse/endangerment but nothing detailed, kindergarten teacher!reader, spencer is smitten, emily is such an older sister, average cm case stuff word count: 1.86k a/n: ugh if you know how much i love teachers then you know how much i loved writing this!!!! tysm for requesting!

“Don’t teachers leave school when it ends?” Emily asked, following the secretary through the elementary school hallways.

The secretary glanced behind her to make sure Spencer was still following, “Contract hours end at four in the afternoon, which is about twenty minutes after the last bell,” she responded. “Some teachers are in charge of after-school clubs or they’ll stay to grade or plan for the next day, but the rest head home at the end of the day,” she continued.

Emily nodded in understanding, “And when does Ms. Y/L/N usually leave for the day?”

For a moment, the secretary’s resigned expression faltered to one of concern, “Once all of her students leave for the day.”

“Is that usually at a different time every day?” Spencer asked, shoving his hands in his pockets as they turned another corner, the walls were coated in colorful flowers with the names of what he could only assume were the kindergarteners scrawled on them.

There was nothing but a sigh from the secretary as she considered her answers, “That might just be a better question for you to ask her.” She continued leading the way until she stopped in front of a door that was being held open by a doorstop, knocking on the door, she peeked her head in, “Y/N?”

From where he was standing, Spencer could see your head peek out from beneath a desk, but once you recognized that you had unexpected guests, you stood up straight, “Oh, hi,” you greeted, hastily walking around the clusters of tables as you made your way to the door.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” Emily asked, pulling her credentials out when you confirmed your name, Spencer followed suit, “We’re Agent Prentiss and Dr. Reid with the FBI’s behavioral analysis unit, do you have the time to answer a few questions about a case we’re working on?”

The bright smile that had initially been on your face quickly fell as you eyed the FBI credentials in front of you, “Oh, Cody,” you murmured. Stepping to the side, you gave the two federal agents space to enter your classroom.

Prentiss thanked the secretary before stepping into your space, “Oh, it’s colorful in here,” she said.

“It’s a kindergarten classroom,” Spencer responded quickly, “Studies show that there’s a link between bright colors and brain development, so these colors are probably conducive to a productive learning environment.”

He went over to the side of your classroom, watching you as you nervously wrapped your arms around yourself, “Thank you?” You said quizzically, not sure if you should take what he was saying as a compliment, “You are here about Cody, right? Cody Jenkins?”

Spencer nodded, “We are, you knew immediately, though.”

You moved your hand to cover your heart as if it was racing, “I was worried when he wasn’t here yesterday, but I knew when I didn’t see him today that something was wrong.” Your eyes flickered between Emily and himself, waiting for either one of them to say something, “Oh my god, is he okay?”

“Why were you so worried when Cody didn’t come to school for two days?” Emily asked, tilting her head to the side, raven black hair catching in the fluorescent school lighting.

Sitting down at your desk, you sighed, “Cody loves school. He’d never miss a day unless it was absolutely necessary – I’m the one who brought the first concern to the administration that there might be problems at home, but…”

Raising her dark eyebrows in curiosity, Emily shared a look with Spencer, “But what?”

Watching you, Spencer noticed the way you nervously fiddled with a beaded bracelet on your wrist, although he couldn’t quite make out what the lettered beads spelled, he was able to deduce that the bracelet was important to you. “What’s on your bracelet?” He asked, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees, he craned his head to try and read it on his own.

“Oh,” you said, looking down at the bracelet as if you needed reassurance that it was still there, “A student made it for me a long time ago. When I was still a student teacher,” you looked at the beaded creation fondly, “The mascot was the dolphins, so it just says ‘dolphin’. Spelled with an F, of course, because she was four.”

Once he knew what the bracelet said, he was able to make out the words, even noting the dolphin charm at the end of the word, “You care a lot about your students,” he said, stating the obvious, but the words seemed to put you at ease. “What do you know about Cody’s home life?”

Your eyes widened as you looked back up at Spencer and he tried to make himself seem as friendly as possible. “I know his parents have had some trouble – his dad has a bad history, as I’m sure you know, but his mom is a good person,” you said, reaching your hand up and scratching the back of your neck.

“But she never left Cody’s father,” Emily said questioningly, seeking confirmation more than anything else.

Crossing your arms in front of your stomach, you shrugged, “I’ve never been in that situation before, I don’t get to speak on the difficulty of leaving, but I can tell you that she’s a good person – she loves her son.”

“You care a lot about your students,” Spencer noted aloud, he looked around at the clusters of tables – each table was stocked with the same supplies. You even had a snack station at the back of your classroom.

Quickly, you nodded, “I don’t believe in kids getting a lesser education just because they don’t have the money or the support system at home. I do what I can,” you admitted. “Do you… do you think Cody’s dad did something to him?”

Sadly, Emily affirmed your question, “He’s a person of interest in the case.”

Pressing your lips in a thin, white line, you slouched back into your office chair, “Sometimes I wonder if there’s more to do. The state requires me to teach these kids about stranger danger, but last year a majority of AMBER Alerts that went out were for family abduction.”

“I’m sorry that you know that, Ms. Y/L/N,” Spencer told you.

You brushed off his apology, “For eight hours a day, five days a week, it’s my job to keep these kids safe – even if that means knowing things that I don’t like.”

Both Spencer and Emily accepted this, and they continued to ask you a few questions about what you knew about Cody. From your point of view, he was just a kid trapped in a bad situation, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it ever hurt you to send him home at the end of the day.

As the two of them left the elementary school, he shook his head in disbelief, “She made three reports on the father, and none of them were taken seriously by the school.”

“I know, Reid,” Emily commiserated, “So, the teacher?”

Her question came when the two of them piled into the SUV, giving her a bewildered look, Spencer furrowed his brows, “What about her?”

Emily scoffed, “’You care so much about your students,’” She said in a mocking voice, taking one hand off the wheel and placing it on her chest, “’Oh, I’m so sorry that you have to know that information’. What was that about the colors in her classroom?”

Rolling his eyes, Spencer sat back in the passenger seat, “Okay, first of all, I do not sound like that. Second of all, I was building rapport – you should try it sometime.”

She chuckled from the driver’s seat, tossing a piece of paper in his general direction before placing her hands near the bottom of the steering wheel, “Here, this is for you.”

“What is it?” He asked as he took the paper and unfolded it.

Humming, Emily didn’t even look as she responded, “I wrote down her room number for you, so you can go ask her out once this case is over.”

Your door was closed when he got there and he wasn’t quite sure if he should knock or just give up. It wasn’t a far drive to get to your school from Quantico, and if he could ever work up the courage to make the drive again, he could always try then.

Lifting his hand to knock, he hesitated again, opening his palm and letting his hand drop to his side. “This is ridiculous,” he mumbled to himself, taking the sticky note that Emily had ‘gifted’ him and triple-checking the room number as if his memory and your name on the door weren’t enough confirmation.

Giving up, he turned around, stuffing the paper in his pocket as he did so, and almost running into you in the process, “Oh!” You said, stumbling back and taking a moment to reorient yourself before meeting his eyes. “Oh,” you repeated, softer this time, “Dr. Reid, it’s nice to see you again.”

“Spencer,” he corrected and immediately cringed. “I mean, I’m not here in any professional capacity, so… you can just call me Spencer.”

Flashing him a bright smile, you grinned in response, “It’s nice to see you again, Spencer.” You proceeded to tell him he could call you by your first name before inviting him into your classroom.

Looking around the room, the colors of the space once again made him feel welcome, “You’re here late,” he observed, looking up at the clock and noticing that it had passed your contract hours while he stood outside your door.

You nodded, “It’s the first of the month tomorrow, so I need to switch over my calendars and everything.” You went to pick up a dry-erase marker from the whiteboard, “Um, have you… did you find Cody?”

“Yes,” he responded immediately, remembering the excuse he had given the team when he told them he was going back to visit you. Morgan and Emily weren’t likely to let him forget. “He’s safe, and it looks like he’ll be able to stay with his mom,” he informed you, relishing the way his words put you at ease.

Any remaining stiffness in your stature faded, and the weight of your missing student was officially off of your shoulders. “Thank you – and thank you for coming back to let me know,” you said, putting your hands behind your back, the two of you seemingly at an impasse.

Taking a deep breath Spencer braced himself, “I actually didn’t come back for that. No, I mean, I did. I wanted to let you know that Cody was safe because you were worried and he’s a kid so obviously that was something that I thought you deserved to know since-“

“Spencer?” You said quizzically, smiling at him as he rambled on about your previously missing student, “What else was there?”

His eyes widened as you smiled at him, “Would you want to go out? With me?”

Your smile dropped from your face, and he began to emotionally prepare himself to lay face down on his couch tonight, but what you said next surprised him, “Yeah, I’d like that.”