#it could not be posted even under a readmore
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Since you said you liked talking about it, Iâd love to hear more about Noxâs dynamic with all the companions/their dynamics with each other!
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sorry this took so long! i wrote Literally So Much Text that mostly wasn't even relevant and was finally was like hmm maybe i ought to trim this down a bit lmao. THANK YOU for asking!!! đđđ
Lae'zel - strong competing personalities but with underlying shared respect. intensely pious kingsguard for court jester type relationship. she gets them to take things more seriously and they bring out her curious side. disagreements get heated. they sell their soul for her. connection over being born a weapon, losing everything, grief for a version of yourself that can never be.
Shadowheart - meangirl for meangirl relationship. strong foundation of trust. learning to confide in one another vulnerabilities theyâd otherwise hide but still hiding from each other sometimes. connection over loss of memory and building a new identity from what remains. rejecting the god that defined their entire lives besties. they give each other their identity crisis haircuts.
Karlach - maybe the most conflicted dynamic? personality-wise theyâre house on fire but the chaotic good in karlach struggles with the chaotic just-recently-bumped-from-evil-into-neutral-by-head-trauma in nox. she can fix them (maybe). undertones of denial and desperation. fun-loving when theyâre not driving each other insane. fire for matches sort of relationship.
Wyll - shared love of adventure and flair for the dramatic. connection over losses of freedom and autonomy. they help him find a little constructive selfishness and he shows them that selflessness can be rewarding sometimes. person who gives too much and person who takes too much struggling to find balance. deeply earnest guy who gave himself a superhero name for lying fake bitch who also gave themself a superhero name relationship.
Gale - connection over loss of ability, the frustrations of recovery, chronic pain. mildly dictatorial president of the chess club for delinquent class clown relationship. shared love of talking for literal hours. his frank and honest approach to discussing emotions scares the shit out of them. both swing wildly between feeling like the best and the worst and when they're in the same state itâs dangerous.
Astarion - both feeling seen, understood, and accepted at their most monstrous. messy. two people feeling their way forward in the dark and sometimes stumbling. would make a potent evil power couple if they werenât both innately a little goofy and making each other even goofier. connection over compulsive violence, sexual trauma, dehumanization by a cruel master. learning how to be a person again together. spawn for spawn relationship.
#it's still so long đđđ#bu the original version had like#narratives of how their relationships changed through the game#and specific examples and footnotes and mla formatting#it could not be posted even under a readmore#no readmore here though. look at my oc.#nox#bg3#talkin#my ocs#lae'zel#shadowheart#karlach#wyll ravengard#gale dekarios#astarion#asks
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Every day i show endless restraint; every day i am tempted to assault ur eyes w dilfs
#the ardyn photoset reminded me#GROSS old man (affectionate)#i am drawing so much furry shit but i am forgetting my rootsâŠ.#i wouldnt even know where to put ns/fw human stuff#like i could crop it here and post it elsewhere but twitter is exploding and i dont think it belongs on fa lmao#for now i think. i will just have it under readmores whenever i feel like sharing
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note for followers: I'll stop tagging any UTY spoilers in 2-3 months! i'll say when i do, but just as a (very early) heads-up! :D
as always, please at least watch a playthrough it's too good to pass up on omg
(+ anyone who wants to read the tags dw i don't spoil anything /srs)
#artsy's post#i want to try neutral but....#i just did true pacifist abt 3 weeks ago and i need monetary compensation for emotional damages /jk#i genuinely could not stop crying for abt 4hrs after#i don't know if i can even replay that route tbh yet alone neutral#i accidentally was spoiled abt the end of that route before i knew i wanted to play uty#but i didn't know how they got from point a to b#and i did not expect it to be so emotionally devestating???#i cried at uty pacifist more than ut pacifist and that's SAYING something#and the neutral end is SO cool#i mean idk if i can play it with dyspraxia w/o cheating (or crying in general bc of that scene in neutral w/ them; if yk yk) but i can try!#(only when i recover from pacifist /hj)#flawed pacifist is still pretty cool but it's prolly my least fav personally#and no mercy is great bc clover's reasons make a lot of sense#if we ignore us being in control#anyway i might make a post gushing over this game lol#i'll put it under a readmore to warn for spoilers dw#artsy's tea
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I've mentioned this before, but just in case, I think I should mention that 99% of my posts are on mobile. I'm not sure how big of a deal that is considering Tumblr Mobile has improved vastly since I first started RPing, but I figured it'd be important to tell people just in case.
#ooc tag#ă i remember back when i had to paste html codes to add icons to posts on mobile ă#ă i had to save my icons to my drafts 10 at a time and hope i copied the correct string of code ă#ă it took so long for Tumblr to finally allow people to add photos to text posts on mobile ă#ă but I'm glad it happened eventually because it makes everything so much easier on me ă#ă i have a desktop computer but i find it easier to do things on my phone ă#ă i feel like i should use desktop more bc i feel bad when i don't cut posts ă#ă though idek if i could cut posts now even if i did use desktop ă#ă like new xkit messed with the post trimmer and I'm still not used to it ă#ă i don't feel like it's safe to put stuff under a read more anymore ă#ă because I've had incidents where my partner's reply was absorbed into my readmore ă#ă the post was still cut but my partner's reply was under my readmore instead of the rest of my reply ă#ă i feel like it has to be on my end because it's happened twice with two different rp partners ă#ă but then again I've also seen readmores that work on other threads ă
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Introducing: The Which MXTX Character Was/Would Be Most Insufferable Online Tournament Bracket
Beginning the evening of August 23rd, 2024 (USA time), Iâll be running a tournament via tumblr polls to determine once and for all which Mo Xiang Tong Xiu web novel character was or would be most insufferable if given access to the internet.
FAQ:
Why this poll theme?
I thought it would be fun to run another big MXTX tournament bracket, since the bugpoll last year was a blast, and this was the funniest theme I could manage to think of.
Why isn't Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu in the bracket?
Given what we know about our dear Peerless Cucumber, I fear an SQQ sweep would be a foregone conclusion if I included him. Therefore, after the bracket finds a winner, I'll hold a bonus round and pit the winner against Shen Yuan to determine the true most internet-insufferable character.
What is wrong with you?
Yeah.
My goal is to hold one round per day every day for a week, but I'm contending with a full-time work schedule, so things may get slightly more stretched out than that. I'll also be splitting the first round into Round 1 Part 1 (the left side of the bracket) and Round 1 Part 2 (the right side of the bracket) to avoid spamming people's dashes with 32 separate polls in one day.
If youâd like to either search for or blacklist posts related to this event, all of mine will be tagged with âMXTX insufferapoll.â
The full list of matches is under the readmore here. Happy voting!
Round 1 Part 1:
Wen Chao vs Jin Guangshan
Quan Yizhen vs Mobei-jun
Mu Qingfang vs Ban Yue
Pei Xiu vs Jin Zixun
Xie Lian vs Jiang Yanli
Gongyi Xiao vs Lang Qianqiu
He Xuan vs Xue Yang
Lan Xichen vs Xiao Xingchen
Feng Xin vs Tianlang-jun
Wei Wuxian vs Liu Mingyan
Shi Qingxuan vs Nie Huaisang
Pei Ming vs Shang Qinghua
Jian Lan vs Qi Rong
Lan Wangji vs Song Lan
Nie Mingjue vs Liu Qingge
Mei Nianqing vs Lan Qiren
Round 1 Part 2:
Ling Wen vs Jin Guangyao
Sha Hualing vs Mo Xuanyu
Lang Ying (Present) vs Lan Sizhui
Bai Wuxiang vs Shen (Jiu) Qingqiu
Jiang Cheng vs Ning Yingying
Jin Ling vs Ming Fan
Mu Qing vs Luo "Mianmian" Qingyang
Yu Ziyuan vs Yue Qingyuan
Xuan Ji vs Qiu Haitang
A-Qing vs Yin Yu
Wen Ning vs Zhuzhi-lang
Luo Binghe vs Wang Lingjiao
Wen Qing vs Yushi Huang
Hua Cheng vs Su She
Jin Zixuan vs Shi Wudu
Ouyang Zizhen vs Lan Jingyi
Round 2:
Wen Chao vs Quan Yizhen
Mu Qingfang vs Jin Zixun
Xie Lian vs Lang Qianqiu
Xue Yang vs Xiao Xingchen
Tianlang-jun vs Wei Wuxian
Nie Huaisang vs Shang Qinghua
Qi Rong vs Lan Wangji
Nie Mingjue vs Lan Qiren
Jin Guangyao vs Sha Hualing
Lang Ying (Present) vs Shen (Jiu) Qingqiu
Jiang Cheng vs Jin Ling
Mu Qing vs Yu Ziyuan
Xuan Ji vs a-Qing
Zhuzhi-lang vs Luo Binghe
Wen Qing vs Su She
Shi Wudu vs Lan Jingyi
Round 3:
Wen Chao vs Jin Zixun
Lang Qianqiu vs Xue Yang
Tianlang-jun vs Shang Qinghua
Qi Rong vs Lan Qiren
Sha Hualing vs Shen (Jiu) Qingqiu
Jin Ling vs Mu Qing
Xuan Ji vs Luo Binghe
Su She vs Lan Jingyi
Quarterfinal:
Wen Chao vs Xue Yang
Tianlang-jun vs Qi Rong
Shen (Jiu) Qingqiu vs Jin Ling
Luo Binghe vs Su She
Semifinal:
Wen Chao vs Qi Rong
Shen (Jiu) Qingqiu vs Luo Binghe
Final:
Qi Rong vs Luo Binghe
Bonus:
Qi Rong vs Shen (Yuan) Qingqiu
#forgive me for slapping a whole bunch of tags on this. but the tournament will be more fun if people are aware and voting#so:#mxtx#mdzs#svsss#tgcf#mo dao zu shi#ren zha fanpai zijiu xitong#tian guan ci fu#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#the scum villain's self-saving system#heaven official's blessing#mxtx insufferapoll#ID in alt text
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ms paint. you know her. u used her age 8 to make loads of rainbow ovals all over the canvas and then scramble it with selection tool. now u will know her true powers with my handyrandy tips under the readmore. some will be pretty basic and others are very special.
this post has 8 cool trix to learn for you. enjoy and i may do another in the future if i remember/learn more stuff
some of it might be common knowledge. but its got some deep cuts. all tips have gifs to show process easily.
đ enjoy and i hope this encourages you to fuck around in mspaint more
soundtrack for this post (loop it while you learn for advanced learning experience)
TIP 1) the right click trick
left and right mouse click correspond to col1 and col2 respectively, which u can see in the top bar. this applies to all brushes and the fill tool like above. when using shapes col2 will be the fill colour (if you have solid fill selected). right clicking with shape maker will reverse the colours use on the shape.
TIP 2) right click eraser
this one is extremely helpful for lineart or add shading. the eraser always uses col2. so your eraser can technically be any colour. but here's where you get powers: right clicking with eraser will only erase onto col1, with col2.
TIP 3) transparent selection change a guy destination
the beloved transparent selection tool works based on what is selected as col2. so long as you have the correct colour as col2 you can make any image transparent and put it on top of anything else. and yes this works with photo bg as you can see.
TIP 4) the gradience
this one is a little more complex. you want to start off with any canvas size, and make as many diagonal coloured bands as you want. (protip: holding down shift makes a perfectly diagonal line with line tool)
then you need to resize the canvas to a width of 1px (make sure you resize by pixels, and do not maintain aspect ratio). then resize again back to its original width (or a different width i cant stop you). you will have your lovely gradience.
TIP 5) superimposter
so. you got a cool gradient and wanna put a guy on it. heres what i do:
i open a 2nd mspaint with same canvas size and draw whatever i want on there. i then pick a completely unrelated colour to my entire piece, and set that as the bg. you could use white, pink, geen, whatever you want as long as it doesnt appear somewhere else in ur drawing. copy the guy.
go back to your gradient tab. ensure that col2 is set as that bg colour you picked (lilac for me). have "transparent selection" enabled. paste your guy in. cue fanfare
TIP 6) advanced superimposter
the great thing about this method is u can put multiple gradients in multiple areas of the image. this is where it gets all japanese printmaking type of shit. ukiyo-esque
all you need to do is make another canvas with a new gradient, ensure col2 is set as the colour you want to replace, then paste your original piece onto the new gradient. now my guy has a soft fade. you can do this as much as you want. (you could even make a canvas with a texture or photo and paste your drawing onto there)
TIP 7) "sketch layer"
so as you now know, col2 is what is removed when you click "transparent selection". which means you can also remove any instance of a colour from ur drawing. which means you can have a unique colour for sketch layer and remove it from the drawing later. i admittedly dont do this but it is a great trick to have.
now combine this with lowering your dpi for smoother lines. may seem obvious but it helps. its like a free stabiliser whenever u want.
TIP 8) rainbow art
now this is where you can get dizzee rascal "bonkers". check out my small and shitty rainbow trick. you can select anything and hold down shift, then drag with left mouse, to turn that selection into its own brush. i even did it with a guy. and you can of course do this with a photo as well.
đwell that it for now. hope you liked it thanks for reading now back to your regularly scheduled tgcg programming
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GOOD SIBLING, BAD SIBLING: THE FIRE SIBLINGS VS. STARFIRE AND BLACKFIRE
What could two siblings born in a royal family where one is scapegoated and the other treated like a golden child possibly have in common? More than you think.
This post is making the rounds again and I thought it would be fun to make a longer post going into depth why I think Starfire and Blackfire avert the common trope of good sibling bad sibling, by comparing it to something that fails to avoid that trope. If you like doomed siblings or bad victims then click the readmore.
Good Sibling, Bad Sibling
To start off with I'm going to explain what I mean when I use the words Good Sibling, Bad Sibling. It's a trope that's an extention of what I call Good Victim, Bad Victim. It's when a story compares two victims of abuse, and one victim is a more acceptable victim while the other is a bad victim because they're not perfect suffering Cinderellas.
Victims of course still have agency in their responses, they're still culpable if their actions go on to hurt someone, they don't have a right to hurt others, but I think it's also true most people are quick to judge victims for not being strong enough to endure abuse when they haven't been in the same situation.
It's easy from an outsider's perspective to be "I wouldn't do that". It comes from a pretty shallow view that villainizes abusers and renders them as inhuman monsters when the truth is all abusers are still humans and anyone can fall into patterns of abuse whether they mean to or not.
One reason I hate this trope besides like, the fact characters that aren't perfect victims are often considered "too far gone" and murdered by the narrative, it's also just really shallow. In the end it usually comes down to the victim getting love and support healing and the victim who didn't have support getting worse. Which is like, a no duh of a situation. A person without friends or a support system or love in their life tends to not get better? Who woulda guessed.
Good Sibling, Bad Sibling shows up when two siblings are raised under the same house, sometimes even in the same abusive circumstances and one is a hero and the other is a villain. Another version of this tropes is the fact that if there are twins one of them is usually going to be a good twin and the other is an evil twin.
I can understand where this trope comes from because like siblings are a naturally close relationship, so it makes it a deeply personal conflict when a character's sibling turns against them. I don't even think it's a necessarily bad trope, if both characters are humanized equally which almost never happens.
Examples of this trope: Gammorra and Nebula, Mai and Maki, Shoto and Toya, Dick Grayson and Jason Todd, Itachi and Sasuke.
And of course, Starfire and Blackfire, and Zuko and Azula.
My goal is to show by breaking the source material, New Teen Titans and the Avatar Cartoon down the former averts the trope and the latter plays it straight.
The Golden Child and the Scapegoat
A common trope used in dysfuctional families is dividing children between a golden child, and a scapegoat. The parent often projects all of their positive qualities on a golden child, along with high expectations. While the Scapegoat has all their negative qualities projected on them, and is often blamed unfairly for the dysfunction in the house. They are scapegoated so to speak, and constantly the victim of things like shifting goalposts.
It's like a more extreme version of playing favorites with an extra dollop of abuse on top. Also to be clear, this is an abusive dynamic where both sides are abused. They're not being seen as parents by their parents, and they are essentially being pitted against each other. There are plenty of parents who will be just as harsh on their perceived favorite. Being the golden child doesn't really safeguard you from abuse, even if it seems to be the more favorable position to be in.
Also in general when discussing abuse, arguing over who has it worse is kind of a pointless argument.
Also sometimes the playing favorites is intentional. By splitting up siblings and putting them against each other, the parent gets more control over each of them like a divide and conquer strategy. After all an abusers primary objective is to maintain control over someone by patterns of abusive behavior meant to wear down their sense of resistance.
With that being established, comparing the two royal families is interesting because the "hero" sibling is the golden child in one version, and the "villain" sibling is the scapegoat in another. If anything this proves that both forms of abuse can be the reason for a villain's tragic backstory.
STARFIRE AND AZULA THE PERFECT PRINCESS
Starfire might appear at first to be the total opposite of Azula. One of them is a hero who's like entire character is built around her overflowing emotions and the love she feels for people. While Azula is cold, calculating, and often treats her own friends like pawns instead of people. Starfire also doesn't repeat the cycle of abuse, while Azula does.
If you look past that there's a lot of comparisons to draw between the two of them. They are both raised in warrior, war-like cultures. The Tamaraneans may be all about that peace and love but like, an early conflict with Starfire's is that because she was raised on a planet as a warrior she doesn't understand why other heroes have a no-kill rule.
Azula is also a product of her culture. To begin with she's raised as a child soldier, of a nationalist and imperialist nation who are actively colonizing half the war. Azula also contributes significantly to the war effort, and never shows any doubt to the values of her culture.
As a brief summary of their early characters, Azula is princess of the fire nation which went to war with the world. She's the daughter of the Fire Nation's absolute ruler. She's however, the second born and not ever expected to inherit the throne. She is introduced in season one when Zuko vents to an unconscious Aang about how everything has always been easy for his sister. In Season two she becomes the main antagonist, first tasked with retrieving her brother, and then decides to try to capture the avatar on her own. I'd also be remiss to mention that Azula is the most personal antagonist the heroes face, because Ozai is more of a final boss. Starfire is an alien that was sold by her sister into slavery essentially (Blackfire is not a good person). She escaped to earth and became a member of the Teen Titans where she found a new family and worked as a hero. She's basically an immigrant to earth and there's a lot of culture shock. Starfire eventually returns home to her planet when it's in danger, and faces her sister as an antagonist.
This is another way in which they differ, Azula is the primary antagonist and negative foil to Zuko, and Blackfire is the primary antagonist and negative foil to Starfire.
While both basically have the tentative position of the favorite, while their sibling is demonized, it's made clear to them that they're not actually "safe" with their parents. Both sets of parents are awful and the origin of all abuse within the household. These characters also receive a slap in the face after being in denial for a long time that these parents will even mistreat their "favorite" child and treat them like an object.
Though, I would argue that Starfire is more in denial about her parent's abuse and will still see them as loving parents, while Azula is aware that her father could turn on her and strives for perfection to keep herself "safe".
Note Starfire is still saying this stuff after her parent's sold her into a political marriage.
Ozai: My decision is final. Azula: You ... you can't treat me like this! You can't treat me like Zuko! Ozai: Azula, silence yourself. Azula: But it was my idea to burn everything to the ground! I deserve to be by your side!
I've seen some people's unsympathetic readings of this line that Azula throws Zuko under the bus, but like... Azula doesn't want to be abused like her brother. What a monster. Let's see how you react when the father you thought was safe turns on you, I think most people would say or do anything not to get hurt.
I don't want to sound too critical of Starfire because she has her reasons (Blackfire abused her severely) but both Starfire and Azula seem to justify their parent's abuse to themselves by saying Blackfire or Zuko did something to cause the abuse. Sliding the blame from the abuser to the abuse victim. They participate in the parent's scapegoating of the the least favorite child.
I'd like to point out though that the ultimate cause of the situation is the parents themselves. The abuse started when they are children, and expecting Starfire and Azula as children to like, go out of their way to protect their abused siblings is expecting a lot out of them.
Like Azula is afraid to lose her position as the favorite because Ozai has demonstrated before that he'll horribly mutilate his children. Who would have guessed. Blackfire severely abused Starfire in their childhood, so she sees Blackfire as her enemy and not her parents who would have guessed.
In general too, expecting Starfire and Azula to be perfect siblings in an abusive household, and always protect their siblings, is once again a lot to expect from literal children who don't have fully developed brains.
However, I would say in both cases, they both try harder to connect with their sibling. This is where I get angry anons in my inbox, yes I'm going to make the argument that Azula was a better sibling than Zuko was to her. No I also don't expect Zuko to be a perfect big brother when actively being abused by Ozai. No I don't think Zuko owes Azula anything because she too prioritized her own well being over him that's what abuse victims do.
I'm just making the argument with in text examples that Azula does more things to help Zuko, and Starfire actively tried to befriend Blackfire before the sibling abuse started. In fact I think that's what makes both relationships incredibly tragic. It's not really two siblings who love each other on opposite sides of a conflict. It's that Blackfire and Zuko can't see past their own abuse, and can't love their siblings.
Once again I'm not blaming Zuko for priotizing himself, but I also think it's unfair to critcize Azula for taking care of herself and not sticking her neck out for Zuko when they were both being abused. Wow why are people extra harsh on Azula and extra forgiving on Zuko. It's almost like women are always expected to be perfect nurturers, and when they're not allowed to be complex human beings with flaws. My old enemy the Madonna Whore complex you strike again!
Anyway onto the examples. The big one is that Azula invited Zuko back after Ba Sing Se, seemed genuine about wanting to help resstore his honor. This is also a sacrifice on her part, because as I said even when he was banished Zuko didn't lose the title of crown prince. His status as the heir was never in question and like, letting Zuko stay a prisoner in Ba Sing Se would have ensured his inheritance would fall to her.
Why don't you let him decide, Uncle? [To Zuko.] I need you, Zuko. I've plotted every move of this day, [Makes a fist.] this glorious day in Fire Nation history, and the only way we win is together. At the end of this day, you will have your honor back. You will have Father's love. You will have everything you want.
Now common criticisms people use to argue that Azula has good intentions.
1) Azula needed Zuko to turn the tides in battle. While Azula was kind of in a corner in the fight where Zuko turned she also had Mai and Ty Lee and the entire Dai Li on her side so I don't think she'd really assume she needed Zuko to defeat the avatar. Also she starts getting backed into a corner long after she made the offer to Zuko so she had no way of knowing that ahead of time. Also, also, she might have just been backed into a corner for the sake of drama, making it more impactful when Zuko shows up and turns the tide.
2) Azula somehow knew she might not kill the avatar and needed Zuko to take the fall. This one doesn't make sense because Azula doesn't have any idea that Aang didn't die, until Zuko hints at it. After that point, Zuko kept it a secret from her and refused to tell her even though the truth being revealed would impact both of them. Like for Azula to know ahead of time she'd fail to kill the avatar when she made her offer to Zuko, and then bring him back to take the fall would require some 4d chess on her end.
Two more examples are Azula goes out of her way to warn Zuko that he might get in trouble for visint Iroh so often. On the Beach she's the one who comforts him and retrieves him from their old vacation house. When they're in front of the fire and Zuko is troubled she asks him what's wrong and even asks if she's the one at fault. Whereas Zuko mocks her for not having problems when Azula confesses her mother thought she was a monster he doesn't say anything in response.
In Tales of the New Teen Titans we get a closer look at Starfire and Blackfire's childhood, and we're shown Starfire tried hard at first to get along with her sister. Starfire also, in spite of being a victim of Blackfire's abuse went out of her way to save her life twice.
Something Blackfire responded with by immediately trying to kill her. Blackfire, you are a piece of work. In both cases, I'd argue Starfire and Azula try at least to have a positive relationship with their siblings. Attempts that are almost completely one-sided. I don't want to demonize Zuko too much though, because as I said when you're actively being abused it's number one easy to see the other sibling as being better off, and only natural you would prioritize yourself.
Also, Blackfire was an adult and continued the abuse later on in life when she had more agency, whereas Zuko for most of the tv show was a minor and you shouldn't hold minors to adult standards. If I judge characters for having an imperfect reaction to abuse, or not being perfect siblings I can no longer call myself a bad victim enjoyer.
Both Starefire and Azula as I said, participate in the scapegoating. In both cases it's out of a desire to maintain their spot as the golden child, because they want to assume they're safe.
Starfire actively defends her aprents all the time, while insisting that Blackfire was evil to begin with. Which is understandable again because Blackfire's abuse is just so much worse than anything Azula does to Zuko. It's expecting a little too much for Starfire to see the humanity in her abuser when she's a lifelong victim.
Like little blackfire things: Killing her sister's pet.
Phsyical abuse, actively trying to kill her even before they were on opposite sides of a war.
Selling her into Slavery (where Starfire was sexually abused).
It's extra tragic because both are essentially blaming the other for their parent's abuse. Blackfire takes out her pain on Starfire as revenge for her parent's favoritism, even though it's not her fault. Starfire demonizes Blackfire because she refuses to confront the fact that her parent's are abusive.
This is behavior Azula engages in as well. If you read into her actions, you can tell she blames Zuko for his abuse, you can't treat me like Zuko, while also believing that if she can just make Zuko act more like a prince he won't provoke his father anymore. Once again, sliding the blame on the abused rather than the abuser makes Azula feel more safe, because she also believes if she's perfect Ozai will leave her alone.
Zuko and Blackfire: The Banished Prince and the DIsowned Princess
This is another pair of seeming opposites. Blackfire is essentially Starfire's most personal arch enemy, occupying the same spot as Azula. Zuko is a villain for awhile, but honestly he's bad at it, and until the end of Season 1 he's so ineffectual he's more comic relief. Blackfire like Azula is insanely competent and causes a lot of genuine harm to the protagonists, and is far far worse than Zuko or even Azula obviously. I mean I've already listed some of the things she did above, but she also let her planet be conquered by aliens, orchestrated not one but two cues, and tried to have her parents blown up on live television.
However, both characters are effectively disowned and banished from their country for their inability to fit in. Both are banished and excessively punished.
Blackfire is the first born princess of Tamaran and she should have been heir to her family, but she was stripped of her inheritance because she was born disabled. Every Tamaranean can fly except her because of a sickness that nearly killed her when she was younger.
That's right everyone, the disabled representation you've been waiting for the sibling abuser and war-mongerer.
I think Blackfire's abuse covers a common way parent's treat their disabled children, where they don't want to make accomodations and make it clear they' don't want to take care of a disabled child and spend all their attention on their abled children instead. This trope is often called "Better dead than disabled."
Also I'd be remiss to point out that Tamaraneas have access to hover technology so Blackfire's disability doesn't inhibit her in any way. Like damn, parents will do anything but try to accomondate their disabled child.
Zuko is punished needlessly for a small offense of speaking out of turn in a meeting for not wanting to sacrifice young soldiers, and then refusing to fight back against his father in an angi kai. At which point he's banished and sent on a fool's errand of hunting the avatar.
Blackfire's reason for being banished is uhhh, because she tried to kill her sister in combat training, but also she was stripped of her inheritance just before being born disabled. She awas punished for things she couldn't control before she did anything wrong.
Both siblings also try to make up for their trauma and perceived deficiencies by constantly projecting violence. Blackfire is like, obsesed with war, Zuko's definition of honor is more focused around glory gained by combat more particularly killing the avatar in the first season. Both of them actively participated in colonization, Blackfire helped colonize her home planet, Zuko burned Kyoshi village and helped Azula with Ba Sing Se. Blackfire brought back an army to colonize her home planet, then attempts a military coup of a rather peaceful reign her parents secured not once but twice.
Both are blamed for their parent's abuse, it's Blackfire's fault because she was a violent and unlikable child she made it impossible to love her. It's Zuko's fault, he just didn't try hard enough to please his father and fit in as a prince.
While I may sound overly critical of Avatar's writing I do like how they gave Zukio a lot of chances to make mistakes and screw up, and instead of condemning him or dismissing him as too far gone they kept reinforcing that he always had a chance to better himself.
Both characters are really jealous and tend to blame the other sibling who's treated as the favorite for their abuse.
Zuko:Â "You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She is a firebending prodigy and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born... I don't need luck though - I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am".
Though to give credit to Blackfire, while as a child she blamed Starfire for everything and used her as a punching bag, as an adult she seems to understand that the cause of their conflict was their parents and in fact tries to explain this to Starfire multiple times. So she's matured enough to see that Starfire is ultimately a victim too.
As I said too, Zuko is a child, he's also like still actively being victimized by Ozai while at the same time under the notion that if he does the right thing he can earn Ozai's love for 3/4ths of the show it's easy to understand why he'd blame Azula for his position as the scapegoat instead of Ozai.
Zuko never attempts to convince Azula to change sides with him, or considers that an option. When Azula is like, falling through the air about to die he doesn't tell his friends piloting the bison to try to save her. His stated goal when fighting Azula in the fignal agni kai is to put her in her place. That's literally a line he says.
Zuko, the empath when noticing she's having a total mental breakdown says "She's kind of off" and decides to take advantage of that to win the fight. When Azula finally breaks down and is screaming and crying, he just kind of sits there looking bored.
I'm not arguing that Zuko owes her anything that's a personal opinion, just that it's inconsistent with Zuko's writing. Zuko is presented to us as a character revolving around redemption, that learns that love and forgiveness are key to growth and healing and then just... doesn't apply those same lessons he learned to his sister.
That same kind of hypocrisy is present in Starfire, but it's like intentional. Starfire's inability to empathize with her sister, when her entire character revolves around empathy and love shows just how damaged her relationship with her sister is. Even then Starfire like, saves her life twice and was never able to kill her. With far more reason to not empathize with her sister, while blatantly hating her, Starfire still has that tiny bit of empathy for her. It's also like, Tamaraneans are a violent warrior people, and they're also extremely emotional and full of love, Starfire embodies both sides of that.
It's not just Blackfire either, it takes Starfire a long time to learn that she can't just kill criminals (again understandable, a cultural thing, in fact people like Dick are a little bit too harsh on her for this instead of trying to explain and understand where she's coming from). It is consistent with Starfire's writing, she is openly loving, but she's not the team mom that's Donna.
Zuko like, not even trying to redeem Azula or just like, not really caring is inconsistent with the writing that's trying to tell us that deep down Zuko is a caring person that is going to help heal the fire nation by showing them a better path forward. Zuko's double standards towards his sister, and his unfairly blaming her for his father's abuse is not written as a flaw. Blackfire unfairy blaming Starfire for her parent's abuse is a flaw. Blackfire's abuse of Starfire is her own fault, which is something she continues to do well into adulthood.
Which is why it's kind of all the more baffling, that Blackfire is way worse, is humanized a lot more by her narrative than Azula is. Now we reach the final part.
The Final Agni Kai
Now to trash on everyone's favorite scene that I absolutely despise as the end to Zuko and Azula's arc, while praising what is my favorite arc in the whole New Teen Titans manga. In the series finale of Avatar, Zuko after reuniting with Iroh is tasked with challenging Azula for the throne in the Agni Kai. They fight, and Zuko comes out on top.
In what is essentially the final fight between Starfire and Blackfire, Starfire is alerted by her brother that things are going down on her planet. She leaves earth with the Teen Titans and returns to her planet for a second time. Where she learns that she is being sold by her parents into an arranged marriage, as a part of a peace agreement with the invading force of her planet. Something that Starfire does not take well too, because she's currently in love with her longtime boyfriend Dick Grayson.
I'm going to skip over the Soap opera that is Starfire and Dick, because it's soon revealed that Blackfire too has returned in order to orchestrate a coup to overthrow her parents once more.
In the end Blackfire reveals her plan that she's set up an ion bomb to hold the whole planet hostage unless her parents abdicate and declare her ruler. At which point, Blackfire succeeds.
Both plots involve the scapegoat finally reclaiming their heritage and beating their sibling for the first time, one is the hero, the other is the villain... or are they?
There's a reason I love one arc and hate the other. It's that Blackfire is eventually allowed to be her own seperate character from Starfire, whereas Azula is ultimately just a plot object to strengthen Zuko's arc. This is shown in just, the amount of focus Zuko and his inner world are compared to Azula, how he has one of the most lovingly tailored redemption arcs shown throughout the entire show whereas Azula's mental breakdown is rushed through the entire end.
However, to further illustrate this let me show how well the New Teen Titans humanizes Koriand'r. To begin with, we see their childhood from both perspectives, to show both are biased narrators. Starfire represents her sister as being born evil, while Blackfire believes Starfire being the favorite took all her parent's love away from her.
Blackfire also gets, sympathetic motivations that demonstrate she's also capable of love and craves it deep down but suppresses it because she believes she needs to be a weapon of war. Something that is directly stated by the comics and only like implied by offhand by the avatar show.
In fact Blackfire gets to star in her own comic which tells a story where she is temporarily blinded after her first defeat to Starfire. After feeling helpess she feels like she's lost the will to fight, the will to kill, the will to rule which is how she defines herself.
Blackfire survives with one of her soldiers who doesn't abandon her, and helps teach with her rehabilitation teaching her how to fight while blind. Their relationship grows so close that Dorion feels like the first person that ever took care of Blackfire, and she breaks down and admits how much she wants to be loved. She almost seems willing to give up her conquest.
However, Blackfire misses out on the chance to be loved because her fanatically devoted soldier tricks her into killing him in order to show her that she still has the edge to kill.
This also clues us into more complex motivations for Blackfire. She is actively a patriot who believes that her father's rule is weak (she turns out to be right) and believes that conquering her planet is in effect her way of saving it. She has to put on this persona because the cause is more important than anything in her life, even love.
(This also contrasts Starfire who has no interest in being a ruler and runs away to live on earth with her love).
Also I'd be remiss to mention at the end of this particular arc Starfire doesn't forgive her sister or reconcile with her. I've never believed she owed her that. The arc just shows that Blackfire a human being (or a tamaranean I guess) who is capable of both good and evil. That her motivations are more complex than being a power hungry usurper and she actually can have good intentions. She's more of an example of the 'Well-intentioned Extremist" trope.
It's the complete opposite of Azula who's reduced to the mad queen stereotype in the end. Which is another knock against Avatar, Blackfire might not be the best disabled representation in the world but as I said parent's only treating their disabled child as a burden and that disabled child watching their parents take care of and love their abled children is a real thing that happens all the time. The comic also goes to show how competent Blackfire is in sipte of her disability.
Whereas, I can't imagine what it feels like to see yourself in Azula's mental breakdown, only to watch her last moment on the show have her offered no support, and not even a single sign that she might recover one day. Blackfire's motivations are tied to her abuse, but she's not demonized for being disabled in fact she's fantastically competent. Azula's like, readuced to an inhuman, ugly monster, and her mental illness takes all of her agency away and once again we're shown no hope for recovery.
Azula is reduced to a screaming incoherent mess. She has basically no agency in the end. Not only does Blackfire have agency, but like she has acutal points to make? The story values her point of view and gives credence to it? Myand'r is a weak ruler. She's not wrong when she says that their parents are the source of abuse for both of them. In fact, the narrative directly states the ones who started the abuse are their parents while it only implies it again with Azula and Zuko. Maybe the reason so many people deny that Azula is an abuse victim is because we only see the abuse from Zuko's perspective not Azula's. Whereas we get both conflicting accounts of Blackfire and Starfire's childhood and the narrative trusts us to judge things with nuance rather than needing it fed to us.
The planet has been invaded twice now. She's also, like, more popular with her father's weak rule?
Also like the story shows us why Blackfire will make a better ruler than Starfire. The narrative doesn't really illustrate how Zuko will be a better ruler, it just follows the "good king" trope.
I mean it's a fun little parallel that both Zuko and Blackfire are both an exiled prince and princess respectively, who return home to take back their throne. On one hand though, it feels like Zuko does it out of like, wanting to reclaim his birthright, or his feeling that the throne is his destiny. That's part of Blackfire's motivation too, but as I said, Zuko never states onscreen how he plans to improve the fire nation, Blackfire's got like actual policies.
Which is where the difference ultimately lies, Blackfire and Starfire are ultimately characterized as two sides of the same coin who need to come together to save the planet. Killing blackfire or putting her down won't fix shit or end the cycle of abuse on Tamaran. Blackfire and Starfire are much like Tamaran defined by love and war, and there's love and war in Starfire, and love and war in Blackfire and they both need to find a balance between the two.
This is in contrast to Zuko and Azula who's final conflict is just putting Azula down like a mad dog, quite literally. Blackfire is allowed to be human, with good and bad traits, and like actual points to make whereas Zuko's narrative only cares about Zuko's thoughts, and in general instead of coming together the narrative seems to think the only way that Zuko can triumph is if Azula is dragged down into the mud.
Blackfire is a character, and Azula is ultimately just a plot obstacle.
So that's my long ramble on a sibling relationship I absolutely love, and a sibling relationship I can't love no matter how much I like Zuko and Azula individually.
#avatar meta#teen titans meta#blackfire#starfire#azula#zuko#fire siblings#azula meta#new teen titans#teen titans#atla#avatar the last airbender#doomed siblings#I like blackfire#but if you don't like blackfire that's fine#she does a lot of stuff that's hard to swallow#just please don't come on my post and say she's not an abuse victim#after reading my thesis paper on how she's shaped by abuse but also an abuser but also very human
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The Body Factory (sexclubowner!h)
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Hellloooo!
Itâs been a long while since I posted here. I am still going strong on patreon with 4-5 one shots a month with anywhere from 8 to 14k words usually (sometimes more) + blurbs. I decided to released one of my new tropes, just part one on here and if it sounds good maybe consider joining for $3USD a month to read more parts of this and many others coming up!!!
prompt: yn doesnât feel fufilled in her relationship and so her fiancĂ©, Arthur, comes up with an idea to help but it doesnt turn out as either of them expected aka sex club owner!h
word count: 8k
warnings: under-negotiation, power play, mean h, choking, safeword, cheating but not really yet
đ there is a scene that could potentially be triggering so i am going to put a brief summary at the end of the fic if youâd like to check whether itâs a appropriate read for yourself. đ
Authorâs Note: I have had this idea on my mind for months and have been so extremely excited to share it with you. It has really really been inspiring to me as I donât have a trope like this. I hope you enjoy.
++
Arthur was nice.
Arthur was a safe choice.
Itâs why when YNâs father introduced them, it didnât really seem like an option to turn down the invitation to go out to dinner at the swankiest restaurant in town.
The date had been so incredibly unexciting that YN had no doubt that he would not ask for a second one.
They had nothing in common, the space was often filled with an awkward silence, and averted gazes to the walls or out the window next to their seating.
Arthur was nice.
Arthur was polite, he held the door and paid for the bill before walking her to her car with the chaste kiss to her cheek.
It absolutely boggled her mind when her father informed her the next day that Arthur had told her that he had an amazing time and was going to ask her for a second date in the next upcoming days.
YN hated the mere idea of disappointing her parents, she had already let them down enough with her career choice not to join the family business
:readmore:
instead becoming neonatal nurse, despite that being a massive accomplishment, it wasnât praised because she didnât go to be a lawyer like both her mother and father.
It felt like most of the time she was on thin ice with her parents because of her education and career choice, even down to the car she drove (they thought it was too sporty and not practical enough) which left her in a precarious position.
She relied on them for help with her student loans.
YN was still trying to get her feet on the ground with her apartment landlord just bumping up her rent by nearly five-hundred pounds, her car note, among all the other things that came with being an adult that she wasnât financially capable of managing yet.
Her parents agreed to pay for her school loans.
However, it came with silet threat of staying in their good gracious or they would cut her off at any moment, they had threatened it enough when she got into nursing school and informed them that she would be attending, she must have heard them threaten her inheritance half a million times.
Arthur was her ticket back into her parentâs limelight.
He was fresh out of law school but he was incredibly intelligent, good at what he did, and had multiple firms vying for him to join their legal council but he had chosen YNâs familyâs business because of their well-known reputation.
Arthur came from old money, which had given him an extremely privileged life and a headstart into success as soon as he was born.
He was the great-grandson of an oil tycoon whom he had reaped the benefits ever since.
The second date happened, then the third, then the fourth.
No spark.
No chemistry.
Atleast on YNâs end because Arthur seemed happy as a clam in their relationship, he praised YN to anyone who would listen, and was consistently bragging about their life to anyone that would listen to him.
He was nice to her.
He remembered important dates, brought her flowers to work, and had dinner made when she walked in the door on nights that she worked late shifts and he got home before her.
Time passes and they celebrate their first year anniversary, then their second, then their third.
On the fourth was when he got down on one knee and professed his love to her in front of all their family and friends on Christmas Day at an extravagant party at his parentâs estate.
The diamond ring that he slid onto her finger was ridiculous, too big to not just be flaunting wealth, and it wasnât a style that she liked but she lied and told him that she loved it.
There was an emptiness in her chest when he proposed, she was teary-eyed but she couldnât determine whether it was from happiness or dread that she was going to spend the rest of her life with the man in front of her.
It wasnât his fault in the slightest.
Arthur was just Arthur.
He lacked depth, there was nothing behind his twinkling brown eyes beside law, money, and judgement.
Arthur treated her nicely consistently, they barely ever fought, and he never raised his voice at her.
When he got frustrated, he just got an exasperated tone and took time to himself in his office until he had calmed down enough to talk.
But that was once in a blue moon.
Theyâve never had a blow-out because he was so agreeable and accommodating.
Thatâs exactly what was missing from their relationship.
YN didnât crave toxicity, not one bit, she wanted a healthy relationship with positive communication, understanding, and all the things that make that up.
YN did crave excitement, humor, sexual tension, and the type of relationship that kept her on her toes, got her adrenaline pumping and making her stomach turn in nervous knots because she didnât always know what to expect out of her partner.
Arthur was as predictable as a clock, had no spontaneity up his sleeve, and his sense of humor was nonexistent.
YN had a partner that sheâd been with in college named Klein.
He wasnât the love of her life, not by a long shot, but he had been wild, on the edge of insane half-of-the-time, and always kept their relationship exciting.
He would show up at her part-time cafe job, with a fake excuse to her boss about a death in his family, and he needed her support.
When YN would walk out to his motorcycle with him, concerned about his grandmotherâs death, he would only smile at her, inform her that his grandmother has been dead for fifteen years, and that he was going to take her on a hike to see a waterfall sheâd mentioned wanting to see once in passing.
But then there was their sex life, it was phenomenal and unlike the few half-hapzard experience she had before him.
He was confident, dominant, and introduced her to things that she used to not even have the nerve to say out loud let alone do.
It was him who introduced her to BDSM and they explored it for nearly two and a half years of their relationship.
YN did research while they were together and after the fact, she had even attended a few virtual training sessions to learn about correct techniques, safety precautions, and learning the dynamic of power play which engrossed her to no end.
However, when Klein requested they open their relationship, that had been such an unexpected turn-off that she no longer felt the connection that was there before.
The end of the relationship was amicable, they were still friends on social media and liked each others posts but it was at that point they realized they wanted different things and they couldnât provide that to one another.
Where Klein wanted flexibility, uncertainty, and fluidity.
YN wanted regimen, structured, and a deep sense of connection with one person.
She did not want multiple doms nor did she want her dom to have multiple submissives.
She wanted all the attention on her, her dom would be absolutely captivated by her and be so connected to her physically, mentally, spiritually that they only want her.
Her ideal dom would never mention sharing.
Which isnât to shame it because it was more common than not to have an open relationship, partner sharing, and swapping.
YN loved the idea of becoming comfortable with someone enough that she could be a brat which she wasnât an easy submissive she had come to learn.
Her dominant had to work for her submission, sometimes she crumbled quickly and other times it took multiple punishments until the smirk was wiped from her face and replaced with tears on her puffy cheeks from the pinpricks of pain.
After Klein, she had gone on a few dates, some she even hooked up with but she never clicked enough with them to talk about anything like that.
And so she wrapped it up into a nice, neat box and tucked it into the back of her mind because she would find the right partner who would be compatible sexually with her.
Right?
Arthur and her had no sexual chemistry.
Arthur was just as polite in the bedroom as he was outside of it, he never put her in a unique position, and preferred to rotate between the missionary and doggy style.
He would occasionally go down on her but he didnât know what he was doing so it didnât feel like much of anything as most of the time he couldnât even locate her clit.
Which meant fingering was out of the question because he didnât even know the g-spot existed.
Anytime she managed to orgasm, it was from her own hand, getting herself off because she was past the point of asking him to try to do it.
Arthur did not have a high sex drive and YN felt guilty for being thankful for it.
He wasnât doing anything wrong, he was trying, and it was so unsatisfying that YN felt like her skin itched sometimes because she hadnât realized until Arthur how much she craved sexual intimacy with her significant other.
Again, Arthur initiated once a week, sometimes twice or sometimes not for a few weeks when his work is really busy.
YN was six years into a relationship of unfilled desire, disconnect, and a lack of satisfaction which she would have never seen for herself at only being twenty-nine years old.
The wedding was set for fourteen months away, at a vineyard on the coast of Italy.
It was decided by everyone but her as with most things she felt like nowadays.
++
YN had been scrolling through a blog post when something caught her eye.
It was written by a female who had a similar lack of connection with her partner in the bedroom but wanted more.
The writer had described that as soon as she asked if they could experiment with BDSM that their relationship had completely shifted, they were more in love than ever, and their sex life was more amazing than it had been in nearly a decade.
It was the motivation that YN needed to have the conversation with Arthur, with the hope that it would ignite a flame that had yet to be struck between the two of them.
YN loved Arthur, she wanted to be in love with him but she couldnât honestly say she was at this point in their relationship.
Arthur had been surprised by the conversation, over dinner one night, if the way he sputtered red wine onto his crisp white button-up was an indicator.
His eyes had gone wide in a look of almost horror and he cleared his throat a handful of times while they discussed it in more detail.
âI just feel like it would be something fun to try out,â YN tries to keep it casual, to not let on to how much she desired this or knew that she would already love it.
âErm, yeah. I would be open to it,â Arthur had agreed sheepishly, putting down his fork and knife.
âNo, I do not want you to feel pressured at all! I just -â YN begins to try to soothe because she had not meant to get such a reaction of concern more than lust out of her fiance.
He chuckles kindly, smiling at her as he reaches across the table to hold her hand, âWe can try it, if thatâs what you want. I am open to whatever will make you happy, sweetie pie.â
Sweetie pieâŠ.
YN tried not to blatantly cringe every time he called her that.
++
It did not work out.
They did not even get a few minutes into foreplay when Arthur backed out, saying that he just didnât feel like he knew what to do, and that heâd prefer if they just did their normal thing.
YN agreed, trying to swallow the disappointed lump in her throat because she didnât want to guilt him in to trying anything he wasnât into.
They didnât discuss it again after that for a long while.
++
Arthur wasnât blind to the shift after that night.
He now knew that he was not satisfying a need that YN desired and she had just seemed more subdued since he had called it off but was trying to hide it because he knew that she wasnât trying to make him feel bad about not wanting it.
It had been on his mind though.
++
âA sex club?â YNâs eyes nearly buldge from her sockets, puting down her glass of water and ignoring the splashes it leaves on her hand because what had Arthur just recommended they try?
âYes. A BDSM club or a kink club they call it. Maybe if I see other people doing it or we get into the right atmosphere, it will work better. At least off the start?â Arthur seems just as nervous as her, he hadnât touched his food.
âAndâŠI justâŠâ YN was at a loss for words because this is just the most unexpected turn of events.
âMaybe I can learn from others. Really get good at it for you, you know?â He suggests, his eyes looking anywhere but at hers.
âYeah, yeah letâs do it.â
++
The Body Factory was the club that Arthur had decided after doing his research.
He needed somewhere secretive, exclusive, and with iron-clad NDAâs so that no one could use this against him in his profession which was fair enough.
Thatâs where The Body Factor came into play.
There were guidelines to a membership:
You must make over a hundred-and-fifty thousand pounds a year.
You were sign and resign an NDA every three months.
A deposit of ten thousand pounds, it will not be refunded if any rules or regulations are broken.
You will send in health screenings every two months, proof of birth control (if female), and a background check.
You may not belong to any other clubs during the time of your membership at The Body Factory.
YN was quite shocked that Arthur had dished out that amount of money on the deposit for something that they werenât sure that they were going to like nor want to continue to visit even though the membership spans for a year at a time.
âIf we go, hate it, and decide to never go back, just consider it a really expensive date night,â Arthur had assured her with a chuckle, she knew of his wealth but even this seemed a bit like frivolous spending but little did she know it was just his desperation to make her happy.
++
The club was in the packing district of all places, tucked back in between massive factories, some that were still open and operating, others that had been abandoned for years now.
It was actually in an old clothing factory that had been renovated to resemble any other high-end club, from the inside there would be no way that anyone could even tell except for the incredibly high ceilings at some points.
However, the location in the city and of building choice gave a lot of privacy of entering and exiting, it wasnât advertised nor did it have any sign indicating of their presence.
It was a maze of alleyways until the entrance appeared, a dingy door that was rusted and gave no indication of what was inside, someone walking past would have never looked twice or thought anything of the building nor the entrance.
Everything was matte black, dark, and dimmed.
There were occasional deep emerald green accents but everything was sleek, modern, and simple but in the most elegant way as they walked in.
YNâs heart was in her throat.
Where people going to be fucking right when they walk in?
Or people being led around on leashes right off the bat?
Arthur may pass out.
However, thereâs a front desk, almost like at an office with a woman dressed in a incredibly fitted sleek black dress with smooth, curled hair, and makeup like it was done by a professional, she had to be a model because she was gorgeous as she smiled widely and checked them in.
They had to show their licenses, hand over physical copies of their screenings, NDAâs even though they had to sign them virtually too.
There were two security guards in black suits with earpieces standing by large, heavy dark oak doors with their hands crossed in front of them.
This seemed like a movie or just not real with how sophisticated this whole process was.
âEnjoy,â Penelope, the receptionist had chirped with the whitest, most perfect smile sheâd ever seen.
Arthur seemed a bit awestruck for a moment and YN couldnât even fault him for it.
The two guards move aside to open the doors, nodding for them to go in before closing them firmly behind them.
YN finds herself reaching for Arthurâs hand, nervous and shaky with new experience anxiety and adrenaline that she was finally getting back into what she wanted even more so.
There were people mingling, sipping on drinks, and all fully clothed.
It wasnât until Arthur informed her, âPlay starts at ten, the first hour is to introduce, mingle, meet.â
Ah, that makes sense.
It almost builds the tension, YN feels like she can taste it on the tip of her tongue.
They walk over to the bar, another beautiful women greets them right away, laying a napkin down in front of both of them, âNewbies?â
âYes,â Arthur nods, pointing to himself first, âIâm Arthur, this is YN, my fiance.â
The bartender quirks an eyebrow as she not-so-subtly scans them, âNice to meet you two. Iâm Raven. I bartend Friday through Sunday here. What are you drinking?â
âA moscow mule,â YN asks, maybe some alcohol will loosen her nerves.
âItâs a dry club, babe,â Raven smiles patiently as her long fingernails click against the smooth surface.
âOh,â YN replies in surprise, looking behind her at the shelves only to see syrups for flavoring but no actual liquor bottles or draft taps to be seen, âA sprite?â
âWater, please,â Arthur adds as he rubs YNâs thigh, squeezing it in reassurance, âI forgot to tell you. No alcohol here. Everybody needs to be sober when playing.â
âThat makes sense,â YN hums in agreement, never having actually thought about it much, but it could definitely get cloudy on consent when alcohol was being consumed in regards to playing which was a dangerous and unsafe mixture.
They sit, observed for a few minutes before a few people begin to flock towards them, greeting them and asking surface level questions until thereâs a deep, almost eerie chime that echoes for a long moment through the club over the soft jazz.
It was signifying that the clock had struck ten.
Everyone quickly wraps up their conversations before moving to different areas of the rooms, some disappearing down hallways.
The atmosphere had changed significantly in a very quick spurt of time as people started undressing, kissing, moving as if theyâd just gotten permission.
There was a couple of the couch across the room that Athur and YN were observing from their barstools.
The two started out slow, sensual, like any normal couple behind close doors but when the woman knots her hair into her partnerâs hair and demands his mouth move lower, he obliges and Arthur gasps softly at the roughness displayed.
YNâs been aroused for the last five minutes of watching them but doesnât make an effort to act on it, not yet atleast, and once the couple move so that the man is laying on the couch, the woman kneeling over his face, it changes her vantage point but it catches on something else.
In the corner, further back into the room, there was a man sitting in the corner where there was barely any lighting, dim and his goal was to obviously stay in the background.
No one was approaching him nor was he interacting with anyone else.
YN knew there was a no phone policy but this man was sat, scrolling boredly through his phone and only occasionally glancing up to observe the people in action around him before eyes dart back down like it wasnât entertaining at all.
He wasnât aroused, at least from what YN could see, and he was in a tight, well-fitted suit but his dress shirt was barely buttoned, open enough to show the definition of his pectoral muscles, the sharpness of his collarbones, and a variety of darkly inked tattoos.
He was fucking beautiful.
YN realizes she oogling him but can get away with it because it appears to Arthur that sheâs still watching the couple like he is.
However, when the man looks up after a few moments once again, his eyes are instantly locked on YN.
She canât tell what color they are from here but she knows theyâre light, twinkling under the barely there light of a sconce on the wall and itâs smouldering as he doesnât blink nor waver with embarrassment of being caught staring at her.
YN quickly diverted her eyes back to the couple, her heart was pounding, and a sense of thrill shot up her spine even though it was inappropriate.
She wasnât here for new partners.
She was here to learn and explore with her own.
YN tries to play it casual when Raven refills the drink she nervously chugged, âWhy does that guy have his phone?â
Ravenâs eyes darted to the man before grinning, âThatâs Harry. Heâs the owner, my boss. He supervises the free play.â
âFree play?â
âOut in the common area, itâs considered free play. If you claim a room, you are in private play with whatever partners you bring back there. Harry just makes sure everything stays safe and consensual out here. He gets bored though and plays Candy Crush on his phone.â
YN cracks her own smile at that, trying to imagine the man trying to get rid of sugary sweets and getting frustrated when he loses a round.
âDoes he not play?â Arthur asks curiously, now his attention has changed to Harry as well.
âNot often,â Raven informs them, leaning her elbow on the counter, âI canât remember the last time he did. Iâd say at least seven years ago, at least in the free play but he doesnât reserve rooms or anything. He made it clear that he doesnât find at least any of the current members interesting enough to engage with.â
âThatâs interesting, considering he must have an interest in it, if this is his club,â Arthur replies to Raven before turning back to the scene of the couple, another member had joined the couple and was currently giving the male some startling rough looking bruised kisses and bites to his stomach and thighs.
Arthur was getting aroused by the look and feel of it, he reached over and brazenly took her hand, and led her to his groin where he was hard in his trousers, encouraging her to palm over him which she did as she tried to get into it.
ThisâŠThis atmosphere, these people, they excited her.
Arthur still did not.
They manage to get to a couch, Arthur appears to be getting so turned on that foreplay isnât in his realm of ideas because heâs hiking up YNâs dress around her hips and positioning her on top of him which is a new position (in all six years theyâve never done cowgirl) but still, her arousal is barely boiling above surface level.
YN licks her palm, reaching down to help moisten herself because Arthur was not doing anything to spark her to get wet.
It was actually making her more distressed that despite the scenario, she still didnât feel the connection to her fiancĂ©.
When she slides down, itâs fine, he was an average size so even without much lubrication, it didnât feel like a stretch or burn when she started to move her hips but it wasnât as pleasant as if she was sopping, dripping down her thighs.
Arthur glances to the side at one point, noticing that the male from the throuple was now pounding into the original partner with his had tight around her throat, pushing her further into the couch without mercy as she tried to whine through stutter breaths.
YN felt like she was being watched the entire time, which of course she was being watched by other members but it felt different, when she blinks around and notices that Harry has his gaze honed in on her with a twisted scowl of almost disapproval, it confuses her.
However, sheâs brought back into the moment when Arthur pants out, âCan- I want to try that.â
When YN follows his gaze, heâs referring to the choking, and yeah, maybe that will light that match.
âOkay, yeah,â YN agrees as she brushes her hair off of her shoulders, wishing he would have taken this dress off of her instead of shoving it upwards where it felt confining.
Arthur smiles at her, leaning up to give her a chaste kiss which didnât match their situation whatsoever that they were in at the moment.
YN was feeling anxious about the judgment other members might put onto them but not because she cared that people watched but because she knew Arthur and her were nowhere nearly as fluid, practiced, or elegant as the other members whom seemed to just melt into one another easily.
Arthur had never tried it before but his hand came up to her throat, heâs getting close to his own release which means that heâs not as focused, eyes getting a glazed over appearance.
YN soon realizes that he has no idea what heâs doing as he begins to cut off her airway by cupping her throat in the center instead of at the sides.
It hurts, she canât breathe but not the way that feels tingly, excited, it feels like he could quite possibly suffocate her because of his carelessness.
They had talked about proper methods and he clearly hadnât retained that information.
A few black dots begin to dance across her line of vision and her body starts to trigger a flight or fight response which she wants to use her safe word but she canât speak.
YN takes to dig her nails into his hand but he doesnât seem to understand that itâs not out of lust.
A true fear begins to take hold that something horrible will happen to her in less than a minute.
Heâs truly going to injure her.
YN is in a full-fledged panic induced state.
Then suddenly, without warning, a strong arm is being wrapped around her middle and a big, ring-clad hand grips Arthur where it was around her neck so hard he yelps in pain and releases his grip.
The person is physically lifting YN off of Arthurâs lap, trying to steady her on her feet but they feel like jello and she feels light-headed, the room wouldnât stop spinning.
âAre you fuckinâ kidding me?â The personâs voice is deep, raspy, and incredibly pissed off, âWhat the fuck is your problem?â
YN canât even bring herself to look at Arthur right now, her full support into Harryâs side as she notices the two securities guards walking in.
âCâmon, let me sit you down. Youâre okay but I want to check you out, alright? Yeah, câmon, pet,â He encourages in a much softer tone, gentle and trying to comfort me as she struggles to catch her breath.
It takes a long second to realize that sheâs crying, tears streaming down her cheeks, and fuck, she is so embarassed as every other member had stopped playing.
âWeâre done for the night. Weâll re-open tomorrow at the normal hours of operation,â Harry announces to the room at large before looking to Raven, âGo close down the private rooms.â
Raven nods, no longer as smiley and bubbling but an expression of concern as she watches whatâs going on with YN.
âHey, darling. Can you tilt your head up?â Harry asks quietly once he sits her down in the same corner that he had been in, away from the group.
YN whines because her neck is aching, she doesnât want to do anything as the drop in adrenaline has made her more exhausted than sheâs felt in a long time.
âI know, I know,â Harry simpers in an unpredictably cooing tone, he taps his thumb on her chin to signal her to tilt it up and she obliges.
Harry prods gently at her neck, focusing on the center where the pressure has been, âAny sharp pains? Anything feel off or wrong like you need to go to the hospital?â
YN shakes her head, a fresh round of tears.
She knew that she wasnât injured or seriously hurt.
YN felt more traumatized mentally than anything else.
âI need words, want to hear your pretty voice,â Harry orders in a honey sweet tone, eyes hyper-focused on her like they were in the beginning of the night.
His eyes were green.
Close to the accent color of the club.
âIâm okay,â YN manages to speak out, throat dry and scratchy.
Raven appears with a glass of water to hand to Harry before giving them their space again.
YN is about to reach for the glass but Harry is already moving it towards her lips for her, âDrink fâme.â
Itâs strangely intimate as he tilts the glass, eyes watching her carefully and a sense of guilt sets in that she likes that Harry is tending to her, giving her his full attention.
âIs this a common occurrence? Between you two?âHarry doesnât sound as kind anymore, his jaw muscle twitches slightly.
âUm, no. We came here to explore. Iâm very much into this world and he isnât. Heâs told me heâs done his research in his free time but -â
âYouâre telling me that youâve never negotiated nor tried something like this and he full fledge tries choking?â Harry interrupts, outraged from where he stands up from squatting in front of her, âDid you ask or plan for that?â
YN shakes her head, a bit embarrassed that she was coming off as an amateur to someoneâŠshe felt an attraction to, felt intimidated by, and Arthur had ruined their experience here.
âNo. We tried spanking a few times but he backed out. We were just supposed to come here to watch others so he could visual what all this looked like before putting it into action-â
Harry doesnât let her finish as he storms away from her, his glare set right on Arthur who was sheepishly sitting back at the bar and nursing a drink as Raven talked to him.
YNâs heart rate starts to rise again when Arthur tenses, clearly being chewed out by Harry before her fiancĂ© gets off his barstool and follows the club owners lead down the hallway.
YN rushes to the bar, Raven is already pouring her another sprite, âCalm down. Heâs not going to hurt him or anything. They just need to have a discussion on whether or not Harry will revoke his membership.â
It feels ruined and it never even started.
All she can think about is that despite for a short amount of time she was getting what she asked from Arthur, there was still no god damn spark.
After a good half hour, the bar phone rings and Raven answers, murmuring a few words back into the receiver before having up.
âIâm going to take you back to his office now.â
++
Harryâs office was just as luxe, elegant as the rest of the club.
It was tense as soon as she stepped in the room and Raven left, closing the door behind her.
âIâve decided not to revoke your joint membership after discussion with Arthur. However, there are contingencies if you would like to continue coming here. Are you willing to hear them? Arthur has already agreed to the terms.â
YN nods slowly, voice soft, âYes.â
Harry keeps his face on her as he speaks, âI do not tolerate what happened here tonight in my club. Arthur has clearly proven that he isnât educated enough to be able to have free access to the club and free play.â
âIf you want to continue membership, Arthur will need to reserve a private room and lessons will be held until he fully grasps the concepts, displays understanding, and can play safely without supervision.â
âWhoâŠDo you have instructors?â YN doesnât think she wants another man involved in their sex life even in an educational aspect.
âYes but I will be teaching the lessons,â Harry informs her, calm as ever, âI bring this up because I would need to be hands on, to demonstrate and display certain practice, power play dynamics but that is a lot to ask as I do not know your limits on sharing.â
YNâs speaking before she even realizes it, âYes. We can do that.â
Harryâs lip quirks slightly before it disappears but it oddly enough seems like a reward.
âWe can schedule. I will send the paperwork. I already have your questionnaires about hard limits, likes, dislikes, and willing to try. I want to make this clear, this will be purely educational and there will be no dynamic developing between me and you two.â
YN nods dumbly, at a loss for words because the mere thought of Harry domming her was a lick of a flame that sheâd been missing so much.
âI will dom you with instructions interwoven for Arthur. We will try to keep everything minimal as I cannot stress enough that this is not anything but informative on my end to help improve your sex life as a couple.â
++
Three longs weeks pass before their first âlessonâ.
Arthur voiced excitement about the instruction, never brought up the choking incident again, and never initiated any type of sex during this time either.
Everything was swept under the rug as usual in their relationship.
YN would never admit the fact that she had gotten herself off to the mere idea of Harry domming her because something about him had triggered something carnal, something near feral in her.
Itâs more than she had even felt with Klein.
She knew it wouldnât last forever but she was going to enjoy this to the best of her abilities.
++
YN only had excited nerves going into the night.
Harry had inquired more in the break of time about YNâs experience and was extremely pleased to realize that she wasnât as much of a novice as he assumed.
Though she hadnât experienced many partners or relationships within the community, her knowledge was expansive and deep enough to impress him.
Harry had texted her back with a simple message that had her core tingling enough that she had to rub her thighs together.
YN: Thank you for continuously checking in on my comfort and experience regarding these situations. I have many more concerns for Arthur as weâve already discussed. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
Harry Styles: I do not plan to go easy on you. Unless you specifically want soft play for these experiences. I can be a softer dominant but my main modality is firm, mean, regimented with softer aftercare.
YN: You donât scare me. ;)
She was already being bratty with him.
It sent a wave of good nerves through her as she waited for a reply to be sent to her inbox.
Harry Styles: Itâs interesting that youâve already started to decide to be bad for me when you donât even know what Iâm capable of, darling.
YN : Iâm shaking.
YN: Terrified.
Harry Styles: I wish I could wrap my fingers around your throat right now. Show your fiancé the proper way to choke a god damn brat.
YN could feel herself pooling with arousal.
It felt a bit wrong but she reasoned enough with herself that it was all for the greater good of her relationship with Arthur but deep down she knew that was bullshit.
YN: Youâre probably not much better.
Harry Styles: Quite honestly, havenât worked with such a fucking disobedient bitch in a long time. I cannot wait to break you. A kitten who thinks theyâre a big bad tiger.
YN: Fuck you.
Harry Styles: Kittyâs got claws.
Harry Styles: For nowâŠ
It felt bordering on inappropriate but YN reasoned again that Harry had made it clear that there isnât anything happening, it is a strictly professional as a type of situation like this can be.
++
Saturday has come and YN wakes up to a text.
Harry Styles: Better wear something cute enough that I find you interesting enough to play with. Even if itâs just to teach.
YN rereads the message quite a few times and why is he so good at getting under her skin and she doesnât even know him yet but itâs like he knows exactly how to wind her up.
YN: Black dress with tights.
Harry Styles: Itâs good to know that youâre just another basic bitch.
YN: What will you be wearing then?
Harry Styles: Thatâs none of your fucking business. I call the shots, kitty. Not you.
YN: đđđđđ
Harry Styles: Good to know. Five spanks for the five emojis. Would you like to keep going?
She canât even help herself
YN: đđđđđđđđđđ
Harry Styles: Noted.
YN wants to reply, knowing heâs probably waiting but a tiny sliver of guilt starts to creep in when she thinks about Arthur because though sheâs trying to convince herself this is perfectly fine.
Itâs not.
Not with the emotions it makes her feel.
She hasnât felt them in so long.
It scares her.
âSweetie pie, are you having second thoughts? Should be getting ready,â Arthur steps out of the walk-in closet, adjusting the sleeve of his button up.
âNo!â YN replies much too quickly, her tone high pitch, âUm, I lost track of time. Iâll get ready now.â
âOkay, Iâm excited for this new experience with you,â He smiles sweetly, stepping over to press a kiss to her forehead.
Itâs affectionate, loving, and sheâs still thinking of other things than her fiancĂ©.
++
YN decides on a black wide leg trouser with a corseted bodysuit that gave her tits the perfect push-up, sheâs spray a very thin most of body glitter on her chest, she knew it would sparkle in the dim lighting.
She considered wearing the dress and tights to spite him but whatever, sheâd be less easy access for him.
++
Arthur held her hand tightly as they entered The Body Factory.
YN was already searching for Harry, barely waving to Raven as Arthur leads them over but she doesnât want a drink, she wants to play.
However her fiancé guide her to a stool, ordering for both of them as Raven has a look of curiosity as she slides them in front of him.
âDoes he come out and get us?â Arthur asks Raven, looking around he doesnât see him either.
Raven bites her lip, shaking her head with a chuckle, âNo, I take you to your reserved room when ten hits.â
âWhat is it?â YN asks, unable to read what is going on the bartender's mind.
This conversation didnât seem particularly funny.
âNothing really. Harry just hasnât offered private lessons for at least eight or nine years. Normally when couples have an incident like you did, Harry revoked their memberships without a second thought,â Raven informs them as she picks at a spot on the smooth surface of the bar absentmindedly.
âWhy us?â YN wonders out loud, why after all that time did he make an exception.
âI wish I knew,â The bartender shrugs neutrally.
++
The deep chime rings out about forty-five minutes later.
YN cannot decipher whether she wants to throw up or jump up and down with excitement.
Especially when Raven guides them down a long hallway, then into another corridor until they reach a door with a sign that warns, âNo members past this point. Private access only.â
âUm-â Arthur goes to point out the sign, he was a rule follower to his core.
âItâs Harryâs private playroom that members canât use but again, this is special circumstances,â Ravenâs voice is hushed as she leads them into a surprisingly minimal room.
There were cabinets built sleekly into the walls where all toys and accessories must be held, a matte black.
Everything matched but there was a bigger prominence of the green accents that were more subtle in the main areas.
The play bench hardware matches everything else but the cushion is a luxe emerald.
The bed wasâŠunlike anything she had ever seen.
It was massive but fit well in the spacious room.
High posts on all four corners with subtle hooks to place restraints in.
The mattress looked fluffy and giving, it looked as if the sheets were a black silk but the duvet was a very muted pattern of black and green diamonds.
YN was in love with space.
It was so much more than she was expecting.
âHoly shit,â Arthur gapes at the elegance, clearly he had been expecting something different too.
âOkay, when Harry comes in, he will already be in the dom headspace and so he wants me to give you reminders. Harry will respect your hard limits as heâs reviewed them before the session. You have received a list of his so please do the same.â
âJust as you can safeword out at any time without consequences, Harry can as well. He will use the same âredâ if need be and will check your colors throughout to ensure safe play.â
âFor this first lesson, Arthur you will sit and observe. Harry will display a safe, typical scene of play to understand what that looks like with whatever kind of submissive YN is. You may also use your safeword at any time to stop the play.â
YN swallows because would he allow that?
Surprisingly, Arthurâs face is still clear and happy as he starts to walk over to an overstuffed chair in the corner of the room and smiles at YN, âCanât wait.â
YN raises a shocked eyebrow at his willingness but nods at Raven to show she understands.
++
Theyâre silent as they wait for Harry.
She wasnât given instruction and because she was a bit nervous, she perched herself on Arthurâs lap as he rubbed her thigh and kissed her shoulder blades occasionally.
Then thereâs a shuffle outside the door, the door knob twisting and the door opening.
Harry looked ethereal.
He wasnât wearing a tailored suit like before but leather boots with a bit of a heel, form-fitting jeans that make his lean quads look biteable, and a plain black shirt.
His arms had even more beautiful ink than YN realized.
After Harry closes the door, his eyes lock on hers, not even acknowledging her fiancĂ©âs presence.
âStand up,â Harry orders loudly, a bit startling.
YN obeys instantly, her heart was pounding in her eardrums like waves of the choppy ocean.
A cruel smirk tilts on his lips when he scans her up and down.
âDid I strike a nerve, pet? This isnât a black dress and tights. Are you already starting off so insecure? And you think you can handle me. What a cute, pathetic little kitten,â His voice is venomous, steady, and sheâs clinging onto every word.
Arthurâs clearly confused but stays silent.
âIâm not pathetic,â YN argues shakily, it felt dangerous to get bratty so soon but it was her submissive profile and character, it came naturally.
Harry quirks a brow, âSir.â
YN gives him her own confused look.
âIâm not pathetic, sir. Every time you speak, try again.â
âIâm not pathetic,â YN bleats easily, a flutter of her eyelashes.
Harry smiles like a goddamn wolf.
âOh, youâre not? Letâs test that theory,â Harry draws as he takes a few steps backwards, towards the door, âCome to me.â
YN stands up, on wobbly legs, and begins to but is stopped in her tracks by his hard voice.
âHands and knees. Crawl for me, I want to show your fiancĂ© how pathetic you are for me,â Harry has a humor, an evil sense of it.
YN drops to her hands and knees, nearly panting already, and begins to move.
++
summary of triggering scene: YNâs fiance chokes her and though itâs completely consensual he doesnât know what heâs doing and almost hurts her. YN cannot safeword out at the time but harry stops the scene.
#harry styles writing#harry styles#harry styles masterlist#harrystyles#harry styles boyfriend#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fan fic#harry styles one shot#harry smut#harry styles fanfic#harrystylesfanfic#fan fic#harry styles oneshot#harry styles au#harry styles smut#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#patreon
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FINALLY. AFTER A WHOLE YEAR OF WORKING ON THIS. I HAVE MADE (almost) AN ENTIRE MINUTE OF THE PINK ANIMATION. MY COMPUTER IS DYING. SEND HELP
MASSIVE TAGLIST UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I PUT SO MUCH EFFORT ON THIS I REFUSE TO LET IT GET ONLY LIKE 20 NOTES
@rotkad @sansxfuckyou @blackfright @beetroot-merchant @ashingtonkisihita @h3xt0r @bree-sae @helloidkwhatimdoing-0 @zecrisketch
aight that was the art taglist now the extras
@dr-mothman @akuma-tenshi @sunset-of-the-void @astro-inthestars @zephyrnine @wist-eri @scivious @choccymilllk @ask-nonny-anything @radioroxx @hiveswap @valid-name @specklx @kami-kun1003 @wackpedion @highoncatfood @georgeharrisonsboywife @chaoticangelsbeatupgod @sleepy-mushr00m @thatoneluckybee @floataaaa @therealcallmekd @noodle-persom @magodangretsus @j-axis @personalshredder
also if you've actually clicked under the readmore. surprise! here are the backgrounds / a gif. from newest to oldest
(had to divide this in two so i could put Yora in the middle and make it seem like a reflection)
(THE TREES TOOK ME SO FUCKING LONG DUDE THERE WERE LIKE 5 LAYERS OF THEM. for some reason this gif looks better in discord than it does on my computer's file player??)
(heho totally normal vending machine go brr. bit of a shame you only ever see the first half of the background F)
(house baybeyy. for some reason i vividly and explicitly remember watching a video shitting on a children's book written and drawn by ai as i was doing the windows around the door)
(fun fact the lil animation tidbits of yora showering were part of the background itself. in the animation this background is actually 4 pngs that rapidly change. same with the scrolling down shot actually. but for that i had to do some mindfuckery tricks to slowly move each png down at a steady pace. for some reason i just remembered that as i was doing that i was watching a video documentary about the development of this old japanese game called swamp or smth?? what)
(the room!! i did the blanket on a sepparate layer so it's not here. literally whenever i had to pause animating itself to go do a background to add in the shot my work on this project would grind to a halt bc i did NOT like doing backgrounds and kinda dreaded them)
also another fun fact. i began working on this animation before kenikari's demo was even out, on january. i wanted to post the full two days before i released the demo, to build up hype. oh, young me. foolish young me. you idiot. you baby dumbass. you bufoon
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HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!
Long story short: I'm unemployed and will not, unlike what I originally thought, qualify for unemployment benefits.
Please read the readmore for additional context on why I'm unemployed. This post is basically a continuation/update/redo of this post. I'm suffering a sickness with no medicine the past week, applied for almost 100 jobs the last two weeks, am disabled/queer/nonbinary/tired of ebegging. I'm also in the negatives in my bank account because my car payment came out, so I need to get that covered.
pp/vm/ca
$250/$1151.51
i need at least $511.51 of this by the first. please spread if you're financially unable to help, every person this reaches helps! here's the breakdown of the costs: $640 - car payment + late fees $380 - rent $131.51 - negative amount in bank currently
Oh hey thanks for stopping by to read this annoying tale of woe and being angry at capitalism. Prepare for wall of text.
I once had two jobs. The first job, at a chain restaurant, was a bit of a clique-y experience where I was working my damndest to be the best bartender they ever had. I still have all the cocktails memorized. However, I continually faced discrimination in the form of severe misgendering, no matter how often I corrected them. I was also set up for failure. Usually, when someone gets hired for a position, there's some amount of training to be done, no matter how experienced they are, right? I was going in nearly entirely inexperienced into the role. I knew how to make cocktails, sure, and was and still am very good with people and selling. But I was trained for two days. Two. Then, on my first night alone (a Friday), I was watched by one of the bigwigs at corporate who saw every little flub and failure. This caused a demotion-ish. I was demoted to barback but was allowed the same privileges. Until their next visit. That upset the hell out of me - I was well trained by that point and could do it all, with one hand tied behind my back. I digress. It was about 2 months following my demotion when i finally walked out. A new bartender had been hired and she thought I was being a total creep by looking at a ticket that had just come in. She stormed off to report me to the manager who, even after hearing my side where I had asked her if there was anything on the ticket that I could grab, said that I "needed to communicate better," and "you should be learning from her," and "you're a grown man, you should know better." I don't think I need to explain why that was so upsetting.
But I didn't report them, because I just wanted to be done with it. I was also working another bartending job, and everythign was literally perfect other than the hours, honestly. I loved the product the distillery made, I loved the people I worked with, and most of all: I had my own regulars. Last month, they hired a new hospitality director, who announced there would be some restructuring, including getting rid of servers while also making a full dinner menu to serve alongside drinks. I said nothing of it, despite my disagreements, and she assured us all that no one would lose their jobs, but just moved into different roles. We all kinda grumbled about it, and I told her that under no circumstances would I work back of house. Easy peasy. Till it wasn't, and I came home to a voicemail while on break with my partner that I'd been let go due to the restructuring. So much for no one losing their jobs, right? I hadn't been the only victim of this. I have my suspicions as to why the new hospitality director did these things, but I've no energy to throw around conspiracies. All I know is that I was shafted by both of these places and I'm tired of being broke. I'm applying, still going to fight, and... sigh.
tl;dr (why did you click the readmore?): i left a job due to discrimination and lost another due to company restructuring and i'm tired and sad and aaaaa.
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Hey since your requests are open, could you maybe draw Hal? Doing anything, I don't really care what (only if you want)
day 96
YES i actually got 2 thinking about hal today thanks to this post (and my tags even passed peer review yippee thank u) ANYWAY. in addition to all of that. I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT he and aradia would be friends.
ok i wrote all this out and it got long and kinda rambly bc im tired so im putting it under a cut lmao HALRADIA FRIENDSHIP RANT IN THE READMORE
i think there would be.... maybe a little tension given that aradia eventually ended up in Her Own Flesh And Blood Body and hal would presumably not have that option?
but overall i think after the way her friends treated her as a robot, and the experience of going from experiencing life as a living breathing organic person to a bodiless entity to HAVING a body but that body not being the same as the one you remember.... idk! it's like EXTREMELY EXTREMELY SPECIFIC AND MORE THAN A LITTLE TRAUMATIC and they could share it with each other!! how fucking lovely is that.
not to mention they both kind of have a history with equius?? (assuming this is post arquiusprite in some way. i certainly have an extremely self-indulgent "everyone lives" au for this scenario where they're able to safely separate into their pre-sprite components and then hal and aradia become buds.)
REGARDLESS i think it would be interesting for hal (who has ostensibly nothing but positive shit to say about his connection to equius) and aradia (who has some truly fucked things to say about her experiences with equius) to Talk Through All That.
not 2 mention the parallels that can be drawn between dirk/hal's perception of their relationship with jake being this kind of... Manipulative Pining Weirdness, and aradia being on the other side of somebody else's Manipulative Pining Weirdness and sharing that perspective without even knowing about all of that dirkjake backstory OUGH im tellin u it is all a very complex and wonderful scenario to consider and like, im not even much of an alpha kid aficionado tbh. hal experts chime in on the comments i know youre out there and i wanna hear your takes.
#day 96#year 5#aradia megido#lil hal#homestuck#im not kidding btw HAL ENJOYERS WHAT IS THE VIBE HERE#also to clarify i think hal's confusion is largely due to the. Hey How Did You Get A Flesh Body factor more than anything#aradia's situation is uhhhhh Strange
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Itâs the Little Things
Hope you enjoy my gushy short little fic :]
(I posted this once before but I was too embarrassed so I took it down. Putting it back now đ)
Generation: Bayverse TMNT
TMNT Raphael x Reader Fanfic
Pronouns: Gender Neutral
Warnings: RIDICULOUSLY mushy, self-serving fluff, kissed while asleep
The rain quietly pattered against the dark window panes as the light from the TV flashed in the glassâs reflection. It was the end of a very long patrol, and Raph had made it back to your apartment quite late. As usual.
But as usual, you were up waiting for him with a hot dinner lovingly prepared.
Your daily lives were vastly different from each other. You ran a quiet bookstore in a reclusive area downtown, while Raph was one of the cityâs fierce vigilante heroes alongside his brothers. You were definitely an odd couple. But you had your moments.
Moments like these- Raph thought gratefully as he swallowed another bite of your steaming homemade stew, piled onto a thick slice of buttered sourdough bread. He closed his eyes as he savored the rich flavor, saturated in red wine and melty slow-cooked beef, and had to stifle himself from moaning around the food in his mouth. Somehow you always managed to make the most delicious food, the kind that could warm and comfort tired and aching bones after a long day.
Speaking of you.
:readmore:
Raphael glanced across the small wooden dinner table in their comfy little apartment, and found you sitting with your chin propped up on your crossed hands, with a glowing joyful expression on your face as you happily watched him enjoying the meal youâd made.
- and Raph immediately turned his head away, already beginning to feel his cheeks burning under his mask.
ââŠ..Itâs good.â He said gruffly, not daring to chance another glance across the table as he practically felt your joy intensify from his praise.
â Iâm glad~â It was a humble, yet cheerful response. Yet, somehow it left something fluttering in the large turtleâs chest. His face scrunched up tensely as he tried to will away the building heat in his cheeks, and resorted to hiding his face in the bowl of the heavenly stew.
âŠ..Raphael was quite certain you would someday be the death of him.
Later that night, after you two had had your fill of dinner and the pot and bowls were soaking in the sink, you curled up together on your old couch in front of the TV. Raph was watching the evening news, followed by a mobster period drama he found he secretly enjoyed. While you had made home with a blanket and a book curled up in the grumpy turtleâs lap.
Raphael was lazily watching the TV and gratefully melting into the couch, letting his head tip back and stretch out the sore muscles in his neck. He barely noticed the pressure of you snuggled up warmly on his lap, already so accustomed to the feeling that at this point it would be more strange without it. When suddenly, he heard a clatter and flop from what sounded like your book sliding to the floor. He looked back up, expecting you to clamor up to retrieve it, but found you made no movement.
ââŠâŠ..?...â Raph looked down to check on you, and was met with the adorable sight of your peaceful sleeping face. Your head resting comfortably against his chest as you breathed slowly and deeply. A hand curled up under your chin while he other was pressed flat against his chest.
Raphael immediately felt his whole face heat up deeply at the sight, having to turn his head away and place a hand over his mouth for a moment to insure he wouldnât explode from the sudden swell of feelings building up in his chest. He tried taking a deep breath to calm himself down. âWhat am I, a teenage girlâŠ.?â He chastised himself as he calmed down enough to look back to you.
ââŠâŠAre they really asleep?â He wondered. Raph studied your face, checking for signs of movement behind your eyes, but became caught up admiring the long strokes of your eyelashes against your cheek. It was just a small detail, but somehow, it sparked a warm feeling in him.
Raph found himself staring quietly at you as you dozed, and he became captured by your features as he gazed at you so closely. Your little nose, your soft complexion, playfully messy licks of your hair, the soft line of your jawâŠ. The corners of Raphâs mouth began to pull up in a kind smile as he gazed at you. Quietly, he drew up his hand to comb some stray hairs into place, and trailed down to gently stroke across your cheek, until the pad of his thumb came to brush softly across your lips.
Raphael was completely enthralled, and lost himself in his delicate ministrations. Before he even realized it, he found himself leaning in closely, until his lips connected lightly with yours. It was a delicate, revering, chaste kiss, one he would never have the courage to initiate around your waking self. But right now, not even the adoring (and embarrassing) gaze of his lover was present to shy him away from his enamor.
You stirred at the ticklish sensation, brows drawing together and making a soft cute sound as you sighed into the kiss, drawn awake by your boyfriendâs soft touches.
Raphael froze still upon hearing the small sleepy noise come from you. His heart fluttered nervously in his chest, afraid he had been caught in his intimate moment. Slowly, he pulled away from your lips and looked down at your face. Raph was met with the sight of lidded eyes staring up at him, with a faint blush and sleepy smile gracing your face.
Raph was indeed caught. But before he could fully process his quickly rising embarrassment, you quickly shut your eyes and feigned sleep once again.
â........???????â He was very confused now. That was definitely not the reaction he was expecting.
â......(y/n).....?â Raph called out to check on you, not exactly sure what to do in this turn of events after being caught sweetly kissing his sleeping lover. But you just kept your eyes closed, a very loving smile still painting your face.
âMmh...... no..... Iâm still asleep....... keep kissing me......~â You whispered sleepily from your spot nestled in the crook of his arms.
Raph was stunned. It felt as if an arrow had pierced his heart and warmed his whole body from head to toe. Your smile only grew wider from feeling him go tense, and your hand slowly reached up to stroke against Raphâs rough cheek, tempting him to draw back in until your lips met once again.âMmh~â You made a happy sound that hummed ticklishly against Raphâs lips, breaking him out of his surprise and enticing him to return the kiss.
It was soft, slow, and wet, how your lips moved against each other in your own quiet revere under the comfortable cover of night. You both drew away for breath, only to gravitate in to meet again and again to taste each other. Raph became emboldened as your hand lazily trailed up to push up his mask, and he leaned down to start peppering kisses across your face. Smooching your nose, your eyelids, the dips of your cheeks, your brows, forehead, and the corners of your mouth. He smooched his lover softly until you were left giggling softly in his arms. He paused to listen to the adorable sound, more bright and peaceful than any church bells, before he went back to praise and worship those velvety lips once again.
You kissed back more slowly than before, your passion still there but your energy seemed to be waning. Your hand slid from Raphâs cheek and came to rest on his chest, and you felt your mind grow fuzzy from the gentle brushes of his lips. Soon, you felt yourself melt completely back into Raphâs warm embrace, as your sleepiness overcame you once again at the parting of one more kiss.
Raphael paused for only a moment to catch his breath between loving smooches, before he moved to return once again. He softly brushed his lips against yours in quiet invitation, but surprisingly, he found that you did not return his kiss. Instead, he felt the slow gentle draws of breath against his lips. You had fallen fast asleep with your head nestled against his shoulder, lulled to rest by his sweet kisses.
Raphael paused as your breaths tangled in the small space between your lips. All he could do was stare into the peaceful resting expression of his lover wrapped warmly in his embrace. His gaze didnât leave your lips, swollen red from his attention. The soft breath of sleep tickling against his own sensitive lips. The large turtle felt a smile tugging at his mouth at the sight of his normally energetic partner so easily put to sleep in his arms. He wondered briefly if he could ever endure this level of affection from you at your usual energy, and came to the conclusion that he would most likely combust after only a few seconds.
Raph eventually came back to his senses. His cheeks heating into a bright red glow of self-consciousness as recognition dawned of his own actions.
â...........shit.â
Raphael closed his eyes tightly shut as he tried to shut out the feeling of steam rising from his head. He ducked his head, burying his heated face into your hair as he tried to suppress the building need to implode from embarrassment. He silently muttered excuses but quickly gave in to the strong feelings clenching in his chest.
He was helplessly in love with you.
(He was still denying it.)
â...........What are you doing to me shorty...â He quietly mumbled, resentfully, yet, adoringly into your hair.
(But of course, that wonât stop him from trying to suffocate these embarrassing feelings. He had a reputation to uphold after all.)
But it was times like these, under the privacy of a silent night, with sweet words and gentle touches, that Raphael gave in.
Itâs the little things.
And he carried you off to bed.
The End
#tmnt fanfic#tmnt x reader#bayverse tmnt#tmnt bayverse#tmnt bayverse x reader#tmnt 2014 x reader#tmnt 2016 x reader#tmnt imagines#bayverse raphael#bayverse raphael x reader
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i just finished this fic! it's good!
and because it's all done i want to like... be a LITTLE self indulgent and talk under the cut about some miscellaneous things that i ran into while writing it. don't click the readmore if you're interested in the fic and haven't read it yet i'm about to spoil the Whole thing.
also there is an epilogue to this fic now - go read that before this post if you're getting to this before the update!!
so!! i haven't written fanfiction in like FIVE YEARS. it's been a while! part of that is because i was doing original stuff and part of it was i was in a creative slump. so isat kind of dug me out of that and i owe it my thanks. i've been able to do a crazy amount of original work since starting this fic, it's brought back my creative discipline. in like seven years when my video game comes out you can thank isat for that probably
i originally set out thinking this was the only fic for isat i was going to write. and then as i was writing this i fell deeper into it. i kind of got out of isat a little disappointed in how it ended?? but now that i'm here i'm like ah it's fine. just cause i would have done something different in dev's position doesn't mean it's bad. it does mean i can write a bunch of fanfiction exploring things i wish had been tackled more in the game though LOL
i said this in one of the chapter authors notes but i DID start out curtain call hating loop with every fiber of my being. (as in i liked them as a character UNTIL the act 6 reveal which i thought was lame) and then i played through the game a second time knowing the loop twist and went "oh nvm this makes sense" so a lot of the loop stuff in this fic was actually written twice. originally i was just gonna have them soulmerge with siffrin and not be present at all but then i was like. no. i do want to keep this lighthearted and that's too depressing of an end for loop. i do have a loop postcanon doc so i'll go repay them for their slapdashed involvement in curtain call someday
i'm in a weird position with curtain call in that i wrote the themes and major conflicts Directly After playing through isat the first time. before i could really marinate and analyze the characters fully. so there are a lot of scenes and points where i think i wouldn't characterize certain people like that if i were to rewrite this from scratch? however i don't disagree with what i've written either - it's just an interpretation that i don't necessarily think is my favorite anymore.
neither is any of the worldbuilding i did for any of this - it works for curtain call and i think it was nice but i don't necessarily think it's my current interpretation of what the culture and people were like? i like the wishes being permanent thing, i like the language stuff, but i'd probably go in a different direction if i went through this again
i do actually still think "the forgotten island was destroyed by a volcano" is my solid headcanon explanation of what happened to it. in my heart. i think like - with siffrin as a character especially it's very important that he's always missing something, that it's not idyllically happy for them at the end of everything. so even if he can remember more from their own past, it's - you know - there's no way to go back. only forward.
in the vein of this i probably could have killed siffrin/loop's entire childhood family but i did not. mostly because i did think it was fun for him to have to explain all of those cultural taboos they broke to survive. which, of course, was not a big deal - any good parent would rather their kid be alive than lawful - but what is isat other than a vehicle to make siffrin work through every moral compulsion and spiral they experience
i had a thought halfway through writing the fic that i was stepping on the very good and beautiful odile friendquest by making the island real and having a lot of siffrin's personality dictate how it went. but i ultimately decided on keeping siffrin very close to their country, more than odile is to vaugarde, because siffrin actually DID live on the island when he was a kid and that i think is a Different type of "longing for your country" trauma than odile's. i think they can still drink over the feelings together though
writing bonnie is very fun but very emotional for me. the bonnie&siffrin age gap (preteen to late-20s) is the exact age gap between me and my niece so every time i need to sit down and write something for them i think about her and how much she's a little baby growing up. this has nothing to do with bonnie it just makes writing bonnie really hard for me
if the entire history of my ao3 account was not an indicator, i'm a very big fan of writing romance, but i did not want it to take over curtain call at all. i also could have left out sloopis entirely and almost did, but thought "you know. with the way loop functions in this fic. i should at least let that be open ended" cause sharing a body with a version of you who is dating some other guy is gonna get messy no matter what. it's just not necessarily something i had time to or the urge to explore here. think of it as a fun spiritual nod to the fact that isafrin is technically open ended in isat (<- cop out answer)
i think i'm pretty vocal in how much i am absolutely insane for the flashback "happiest i can remember being" conversation. who let them do that. i think a lot of how i worked with mirabelle and siffrin's relationship in this fic kind of revolved around that. important to me that it ends with mira checking in on him and getting the answer she was looking for all along <3
overall i'm happy with curtain call. glad i am done with it though. there's so much that's running in with it at once. i'll probably wait a month and reread the whole thing to myself front to back before i start having fond memories of this. i mean it's always gonna be the fic my nephew was born during and i'll always remember having a panic attack in the airport right after posting chapter 7 but it's gonna be weird letting this one sail off into the ocean of the internet. however feel free to ask anything about the fic, i wrote this in a lil hurry on a bad day and probably didn't cover everything
goodbye, curtain call!! i love you!!!!! i'll miss you!!!!
[looks both ways, waiting for most people to leave]
also. if you've read this far. i hope it's not too gauche of me to link my personal project. if you've read over 100k words of this you might enjoy the game i'm developing? i've been working on it for almost a year but i just started the devlog last month. it's still in early baby stages as far as a full video game goes but if you liked this you'll like the game when it comes out (similar nickname culture, timeloop trauma, petty interpersonal drama, very stupid jokes, natural disaster angst)
also there isn't a lot on the devblog yet, i've mostly been doing programming on it, i JUST started visdev i'm sorry if it's uglyyyyy (FOR NOW)
anyway i'm trusting you with that link. i'm going to use my professional name on that project when it airs don't cross the wires pretty please just pretend that's a butch-y cis woman's game <3 guard the closet door babeyyyyy
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EDIT: i made a few small edits since i posted this
hi i might be beating a dead horse but this rant has been building up since seeing the first comments on reddit. spoilers under the readmore + i didn't want to eat your entire dash
you're all free to like or dislike or love or hate The Coffin of Andrew and Renee mod all you want but something that's been driving me absolutely bonkers in criticism of it is people saying Renee was wholesome or loving in it. i have a lot of mean words about it actually but i want to keep it civil and just say: you are absolutely completely incorrect in every capacity.
the key difference between canon gravecest and Andrew's and Renee's relationship in this mod is Renee's abuse is completely different than Ashley's. the mod is quite arguably a LOT more fucked up than the source material when you pay attention to it!
(and also one of the mcs is a milf yada yada)
this mod at the end of the day is a fanfic. it's an AU fanfic you get to play. it's a really well written fanfic! not the same as the original, and there's definitely parts that are weaker (the first half of the 303 lady scene after the summoning was really weak before it became my favorite part of the mod) but it does a decent job at exploring this story with a major plot of divergence years before the canon start of the game and how that's affecting Andrew.
Andrew is considerably more submissive when things get rough around Renee than he is with Ashley. the thing about gravecest is that it's codependent. Ashley doesn't really force or make Andrew do anything: Andrew desperately wants to blame his problems on Ashley but deep down he's just as, if not even more fucked up than Ashley actually is. this is something we could debate and discuss for hours but: this dynamic is lost with Renee, and for good reasons.
Renee was the one that forced Andrew to be the one who raised his sister. and then Renee forcibly separated them and told him if he ever had problems come to her.
Andrew is dependent on Renee in a way Renee clearly is not in the mod.
Renee's life has kinda gone to shit. getting Ashley locked up didn't magically solve her problems: her life is actually worse than in canon. her doormat husband finally found the balls to leave her, Andrew clearly resents her deep down, she's locked in an apartment and her tie to Andrew is literally the only thing she has left. and boy is Andrew infinitely worse off for that! Renee actively controls every aspect of Andrew's life one way or another, and while I dislike the first half of the Room 302 scene the ending shows that contrast.
Andrew basically mentally shuts down whenever Renee gets serious about weaponizing his dependency. Renee is somebody who forced him to raise his sister, then forcibly ripped that person from her to make herself the one he's dependent on.
this scene was really fucking haunting to watch because she actively weaponizes using what she did. she was the one responsible for letting shit get so messed up when he was a kid. and then he uses it to hurt him: and then continues to weaponize the fact she "saved" him to make him back down.
"And... maybe I said some things that weren't called for myself."
^ the exact line that sold this characterization of Renee to me. this is immediately after her exploiting his trauma, trauma she is very much directly responsible for. this isn't a happy scene. this isn't a wholesome scene. look how tired Andrew looks compared to his mother.
even when she's blatantly, clearly in the wrong she won't admit responsibility. it was Andrew's fault for acting like a child. it's his fault for lashing out when his trauma is exploited by Renee and she has to further manipulate and abuse the trust she forcibly installed into him to make him back down. but maybe she said a few bad things too. she didn't mean it though. Andrew should know better though.
anyone with half a brain can tell this is horrifically fucked up and a very different kind of control and confrontation Ashley uses: Ashley just likes to get in his face and initiate a verbal argument regarding Andrew's hypocrisy more other than not and then said arguments run their natural course. Renee repeatedly uses textbook abuse and gaslighting tactics to force the person dependent on her to back down. Anderw is not naturally "a dutiful son," as the mod describes him, Renee made him become that and regularly abuses that fact.
Renee is a lot more gungho about being a cannibal and is extremely attached to a story about a monster that eats everything that threatens her child because Renee has lost everything else of value in her life and is forcing Andrew to be close to her, constantly picking needless fights at the idea of her own son leaving her side and leaving her alone, and emphasizing that he owes it to her to stay by her side and actively controls him to ensure he doesn't leave.
like, you can feel however you want. i've seen some people hate it. i've actually seen some people who like it more than the actual game itself. i certainly have a few criticisms of it, mostly tied to its format inherently, but i'll defend it unless chapter 2 drops the ball.
but every time i see someone comment "Renee is really wholesome and loving in this mod and that's really OOC for her," or when the criticisms mostly boil down to the art style i think i die inside a bit and i cannot take that person's complaints regarding this mod seriously in any capacity. anyways thanks for listening to my insane rant if you read this far manifesting chapter 3 soon my crops are dying
#the coffin of andrew and leyley#tcoaal#the coffin of andrew and renee#andrew graves#renee graves#andrewrenee#is there a ship tag for it??? lmk if there is
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Okay. Okay, I donât normally do this, but Iâve been wanting to do some sort of analysis post recently and the Sonadow shipper inside me grabbed me by the throat and pointed in Netflix's direction, soooooo...letâs have a look at some clips of Sonic and Shadow interacting in Sonic Prime, shall we? (Putting this under a readmore because of all the images.)
The first clip comes from this post. (I don't know how to add that particular gif to my post, or else I'd put it here too, but oh well. I'm analyzing the first one, to be specific.)
So, we begin with Shadow walking away, saying âWeâre going after Nineâ.
Sonic then reaches out to stop him (with his right hand, despite the fact that he has to reach all the way across his own body to do so, possibly suggesting that Prime!Sonic is right-handed?). This seems to be just before Shadowâs noticed, because heâs still moving forward, looking resolved now that heâs decided what to do.
Shadow sees Sonicâs hand, and looks at it with an expression that seemsâŠmildly irritated, but not outright angry. Itâs about halfway between his âresting grumpy faceâ and his âactually angry faceâ, in my opinion.
He looks over at Sonic himself with a slightly angrier face (mainly made evident by the fact that the point in the middle of his brow is actually touching his muzzle instead of resting above it).
Then he looks back at Sonicâs hand again (in a pose that I swear is slightly different from the last one even if it doesnât look that way). The only real difference is that heâs just looking down a little more. The effect of these last three images in actual motion, though, is a blink-and-youâll-miss-it glance at the hand, up to Sonic, and then back to the hand. It's sort of a "huh-what-huh?!" motion, I think. To me, this gives off extremely strong âwhat the heck is even happening right now?!â energy.
For completionâs sake, Iâm going to finish out the rest of the gif with these last three pictures. Shadow pulls away from Sonic at this point (which, fair, Sonic did grab him out of nowhere and heâs not normally very touchy-feely although this may be disproved in the next gif), and it may or may not have felt like a small punch to the gut for me to see Sonicâs hand outstretched like that, but anyway.
Shadow shifts into one of his patented Iâm Trying To Be Cool And Aloof Despite Being An Adorable Three Foot Tall Hedgehog poses, complete with an eyeroll. He doesnât actually seem that upset about Sonic touching him, however, I think itâs probably more the context of the situation. Shadow keeps insisting that Nine is a threat that needs to be stopped, and Sonic keeps preventing him from doing that, so his frustrated reaction seems to have much more to do with why Sonic touched him than the fact that he did so at all.
And, least but certainly not least, a cute contemplative (and still slightly grumpy) expression from Shadow. (Heâs just adorable!! Aaaaaaaâ)
Now then! Letâs move onto a really, really big oneâŠ
âŠThe Hugâą.
The post that I got this clip from actually has some really good points that Iâm going to discuss further, so please go read that first! It wonât take long, and also everything the OP says there is absolutely true.
Ready? Here we go! (Please excuse the slightly crunchy pictures...the only way I was able to get this level of detailed analysis was by recording the gif, scrubbing through the frames, and taking screenshots of specific moments, which naturally led to some artifacting.)
So, what's just happened prior to this frame was Rebel Rouge saying happily, "Sonic, you're okay!". Sonic, like the goof he is, does not acknowledge this in any way, fully focused on introducing his boyfriend to his other Shatterspace pals. Instead, he's just looking over at Shadow. Notably, Shadow is instead looking up at Rebel. I'd like to think this is because Rebel has the most put-together and leader-like behavior out of the Rouge counterparts, so he could be waiting for her to continue speaking and give instructions or commentary on the situation, like she does with Team Dark in the games. That's just my take, though, he could just as well be generally on edgeâhe is in the middle of a battlefield, after all.
Smear frame!! This is included for the expressions as well as for completenessâŠbut mostly for the expressions. Look at how big Sonic's eyes are. Look at how excited he is. He's so hyped to introduce his best rival to everyone. Shadow, meanwhile, looks like he just bluescreened out of pure shock. Sonic's yanking him over so fast he's all blurry, but we can see that his expression is basically 0â0 right now. He has been Touched and he is being Moved and he has not had time to process Why.
(Notably, however, he doesn't break the hold, despite the fact that he definitely could...)
Now, theyâve both settled into place (although âsettledâ may be the wrong word for Shadow, haha). Sonic is doing what I can only describe as beamingâjust look at him! He has a big smile on his face, and he looks almost proud to be introducing Shadow. It really shows how much Sonic values and respects him. (*sobs*) Shadow, meanwhile, has shifted from âwhat is happeningâ to âoh Chaos I am being held I am being hugged?? What??? Physical contact? Why????â. He just looks so stunned by the hug, itâs too adorable! More specifically, in addition to the obvious fact that his irises and pupils have shrunk and that he has very stiff posture, if you look very closely at the gif as well as at the following pictures, his ears are also standing up a little straighter and his quills have pushed back slightly, possibly prickling at the sudden contact? InterestingâŠ
Here, we can see Shadowâs ears relax now that heâs processed whatâs going on, and his quills have more of a visible curve to them instead of sticking out so much. Heâs also glaring off to one side in a position that could either be interpreted as frustration at his current situation (though not so much that heâs willing to push away!!) or as embarrassment. Personally, I think itâs a little of both. Sonic, meanwhile, is still smiling like the sweetheart he is.
Now, weâre getting into the frames leading up to Sonic leaning into Shadow (aka one of the most precious moments of the show). Honestly, I donât have too much to say about this one, except that Sonic is moving in a way that he would normally while talking right now (shifting around, because this boy has loads of energy) so I have a feeling Shadow probably doesnât expect the cuddles that are coming his way, ehehe.
The Smush begins!! Shadow looks like heâs quickly resigned himself to his fate, but also decently irritated that heâs essentially getting side-snuggled in front of everyone. This couldâve been another part where he shoved Sonic off himself (goodness knows he did it before in Avoid the Void), and yet he doesnât, leading to the best part of this whole moment!
Sonic, you smug hedgie. Shadowâs already letting you hug him, donât push it with that smirk! Shadow does have his eyes closed here, suggesting to me that he is at least a little bit annoyed by now. Again, though, I think this has more to do with the fact that heâs essentially in front of an entire crowd, none of whom recognize or know him. Iâve seen someone else point out that Shadow gets more closed off in Prime when heâs around people aside from Sonic, so honestly, the fact that heâs putting up with this at all sure isâŠsomething. (Shipping goggles on: it could be because he appreciates Sonicâs affection enough that heâs willing to cope with the embarrassment if it means the cute annoying hedgehog next to him will hold him a little longer :] )
Okay, so this is really difficult to see, but look at Shadowâs wrist protectors in this image as well as the last one. See how thereâs less of them visible in this picture here? Thatâs because, as the person who posted this gif noted, Sonic moves his hand up and down Shadowâs arm twice after cuddling up to him like this. It actually moves Shadowâs entire arm and shoulder up and down with the movement, making it look a little bit like a friendly rub or shake. Sort of like âhey, look at my grumpy friend, isnât he great?â. Meanwhile, Sonicâs still looking smug, but Iâm now wondering if itâs a bit of a knowing look as well? I mean, this is the one friend of his whoâs truly known him for more than a few days. Iâm wondering if thereâs a bit of ââey, Shadow, câmon, donât be so shy! Youâre my pal!â vibes here, partially because he knows itâll annoy Shadow and partly because he just knows how Shadow is but wants to drag him into his circle of friends regardless. (Look at how much Sonic cares about Shadow, trying to make sure heâs included! So cute!!)
THE PAT. Two of Sonicâs fingers are lifted up here, which he then uses to give Shadow a light tap on the arm. THE AFFECTION. THE OBVIOUS CARE AND FRIENDLINESS IN THIS ONE SIMPLE ACTION. SONIC CARES ABOUT SHADOW SO OBVIOUSLY IT HURTS ME TO WATCH. MY HEART. No matter how many times Shadow puts up walls, Sonic smashes them down. After all, Shadow doesnât get to be the only one who does things like keeping Sonic safe or helping him stay grounded! Sonicâs not going to pretend those things just didnât happenâShadow cares about him in his own awkward, emotionally constipated way, and Sonic is reciprocating. You canât stop him, Shadow!
Iâm skipping the smear frame here, just because Sonic and Shadow basically pop up and right into this position. Sonicâs two fingers come out of the tap/pat and straight into the peace sign, and now heâs smiling even more than he was at the start of this whole thing. His eyes are all big and shiny tooâheâs clearly very happy to have introduced Shadow, and perhaps also quite happy that heâs getting this moment of prolonged physical contact with Shadow. Now, while Shadowâs shoulder is still kind of smushed upwards, which could indicate stress in another circumstance, it seems to me here that this is mainly because Sonicâs hand is pulling it upwards slightly. (Although, Iâm afraid it does appear to be the case that Sonic and Shadow are approximately the same height in Primeâremember, Shadowâs ears arenât as perky right now as Sonicâs, and the ears are really the only height difference between them here.) Shadowâs expression, however, is honestly quite neutral. Despite his previous discomfort (part of which, I just realized, could be because Sonic essentially was pushing him off balance. Shadow was tilted pretty far to his left, which could be a little awkward of a position to be in, especially for an extended period of time), he doesnât look bothered at all, instead just quietly existing in this situation. Most of the irritability in his expression comes from his angular eyes and his aforementioned âresting grumpy faceâ, honestly.
(I couldnât find any gif that includes this next partâprobably because the camera cuts away from Sonic and Shadow here for a moment to show the general confusion of the Shatterverse folksâbut when it cuts back, Shadow is still standing there with Sonicâs arm around him. Heck, he looks willing to continue standing there for however long Sonic stays next to him, only pulling away when Nine comes back and makes noise, reminding everyone that weâre in the middle of a battle for everyoneâs survival here. And when he does pull away, Sonic is dragged with him, which is probably mostly for laughs, but does also imply that a) he was holding onto Shadow pretty tightly and b) he wasnât expecting to have to let go even AFTER Nine made himself known.)
This post is long enough already (and I drafted it when I could've been going to sleep, because the force of Sonadow infected me), so I won't be doing the "Shadow saves Sonic" scene just yet (unless a lot of people want to see that). For now, though, thanks for bearing with me throughout my descent into madness over these two. And if you want me to take a look at other gifs, feel free to send them my way or put them in a reblog and I'll see if I can make the time to analyze them!
#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic prime#sonic prime spoilers#sonadow#sonic prime season 3#LOOK AT THE PRECIOUS BOYS#I LOVE THEM#brief postscript:#my opinion on sonic prime is that while some of the character arcs were a bit rushed#the *characterization* overall was fantastic#so there's my two cents if anyone's interested!
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What would the travelers Pokémon teams be?
I can totally see Alfyn having a Blissey. Therion seems like heâd have a Gengar, potentially.
ok. upon literally hours of deliberation and team building (i actually already had ones for the OT1 travelers but decided to revisit them and change a few picks) me and my bestie @snailcruncher have settled on some teams. i will be going in depth on reasonings for these so prepare for a long post lol. im gonna put it under a readmore because really im not joking about how long it is
we also came up with some ideas/lore for why some of these would be picked in a pokemon AU setting, so iâll be explaining any of those thoughts if theyâre relevant too.
Ophilia:
one of the only teams left untouched, I think this is a good batch for her. iâm imagining a scenario where the sacred flame takes the form of a pokemon, and itâs a lampent. frosmoth and togetic felt just like⊠the right vibe. Lapras and Ampharos both have associations with guiding, so theyâre in. Audino is a notable healing pokemon, and it feels in line with her personality as well.
Cyrus:
Alakazam for mr high iq smart guy. duh. oranguru for his role as a teacher, and Runerigus would be a late acquisition to his team in his ch4. Flareon, Glaceon, and Jolteon for the 3 scholar spell types. i also think him having 3 eeveelutions could also be kind of like, theyâre really good for demonstrations for single-type stuff, as well as being popular with others. people might come up to him and be like omg you have a flareon i love flareon pleaseeee tell me more (flirtily) which of course would go over his head and he would start telling you flareon facts. I feel like Cyrus would excel in double battles.
Tressa:
Meowth: the pay day signature pokemon. this is as close as i can replicate to tressa randomly finding money. Skwovet (she can now take her pet squirrel with her in a pokeball)
Gyrados for sure. one, she lives along an ocean, so she should definitely have a water type, two, iâm imagining a scenario where she buys a magikarp cheap, seeing the potential in it, then raises it into a real powerhouse. just like her!
carbink: really funny scenario me and the bestie came up with that instead of eldrite the treasure was diancieite. the carbink is from the same cave. tressa did try to evolve it with the diancieite. it didnât work.
pidgeot⊠felt like she needed a flying type (wind magic rep) and i feel like sheâd gravitate to the humbler normal types⊠doesnât get much more straightforward than pidgeot. Dhelmise⊠maybe it used to be captain leons, maybe she fished it out of the harbor in rippletide herself. either way, she thinks itâs cool
Olberic:
Aegislash: sword form, shield formâŠ. this pokemon itself is the unbending blade. obviously i have given him several other sword based pokemon, too.
gallade, escavalier, and sirfetchâd badically all fit this. theyâre knight-like, so they feel fitting i think to him.
as for conkeldurr and garganacl, they feel kind of⊠solidly built. like him. ( âŹïž garganacl pick lore)
Primrose:
almost all of her pokemon can learn some kind of dance though their level up. Oricorio is the obvious choice, dragonair reps dragon dance, beautifly reps quiver dance, and lilligant⊠well they can learn so fucking many. we couldnât decide on which one to give her, so we ended up giving her both. theyâre her backup dancers or whatever.
mawile just feels very primrose to me. its cute or pretty or whatever, and you might underestimate it⊠but watch out. it bites.
Alfyn:
he feels like a guy who loves a big fluffy dog. and stoutland has also been used in games for its ability to sniff out items, so it feels like itâd be a good pick for an apothecary looking to sniff out herbs and such. Comfey is an obvious pick, i mean its signature move is. floral healing. meganium also has mentioned in its dex entries its healing and calming properties. itâs also a cool as fuck dinosaur so i think alfyn would like it.
chatot. does this even need explanation
we also wanted to give him an ice type, and settled on cubchoo. it has a perpetually runny nose⊠even Alfyn canât fix it, try as he might.
as for leavanny, we had some trouble picking the last slot on this team. we were looking through friendship evos, and leavanny caught my eye. itâs dex entries mention that itâs very gentle, it also shows no mercy to foes who target young pokemon. seems fitting⊠we decided alfyn got it as a swadloon (maybe it could be taught to use its sewing abilities to dress wounds?) and it evolved during his ch3.
Therion:
I think Krookodile, mimikyu, and klefki are quite obvious picks, so i wonât go too in on them. Ninjask and ShedinjaâŠ. Ninjask is super speedy, so it felt right to give one to therion, but also i feel like.. heâd keep the shedinja around. even with 1 hp and one billion weaknesses⊠itâs still a part of his team. it and ninjask were born from the same nincada. he couldnât abandon it like that.
and applin lol. something about therion gives me âguy whoâs going for a cool as fuck hydrapple and ends up with an appletun actuallyâ
Hâaanit:
If anyoneâs allowed to have legendaries, itâs the hunters. Chien-pao is as close as we can get to a snow leopard. and yeah maybe itâs a little evil but Hâaanit is built different. Decidueye feels like an obvious pick, and spirit shackle is a great signature move for the hâaanit vibe. trapinch for. leghold trap. kilowattrel is literally a thunderbird. and ariados⊠well, it has the ability sniper, to reference hunterâs crit boosting abilities, as well as having some trapping moves like webs. for the Hunters, Iâve left their last spot blank, but this just means like, a âflexâ spot that would be different each time you battled them. Hâaanits got boxes of options to choose from.
now, onto the OT2 ones!
Ochette:
Iâm sure you can see what iâm going for here. itâs just the closest i could get to Akala/mahina and her 3 story beasts. and again, like Hâaanit, the last spot is âflexâ not empty, so imagine her bringing some different new bullshit to every battle.
Cassti:
i wanted to do a few things with Castti: obviously, give her some healing-y mons, but also a few oddball picks that might have you looking twice. picked Shiinotic because of its ominous dex entries, and then. toedscruel because i realize shiinotic actuallt doesnât get spore i think? and i think castti âput em to sleep right in the streetâ florenz should have a mon with spore. (edit. i actually just cant read the bulbapedia tables and shiinotic does get spore. anyways she gets two spore mons i guess cuz what if sheâs gotta knock out two people at the same time. or whatever. dustox emits toxic powder from its wings, which seems like it could be something castti would want to keep on hand for poison axe. these three might seem a little weird tho, and reinforce her bad first impression in canalbrine, even though iâm sure theyâd all be very well behaved and nice. Blissey and Arboliva are straightforward healing picks. I feel like these would be common for apothecaries to have in general.
and then galar-slowking. poison-activated brain nonsense. i feel like she acquires this one post-amnesia. they feel a kinship with each other.
Throné
ThronĂ©âs team is half-blacksnakes dedicated, half catered to herself. Every blacksnake has a seviper or an ekans, as well as probably most of them also having other grunt-esque pokemon, like zubats and such. thronĂ©âs taken care of hers, though, and friendship evolved it into a crobat.
chose furfrou because i think thronĂ© would like a prissy little dog she can dress up cutely. milcery, which sheâs waiting on evolving until she can figure out what alcremie form she wants, and a shade-cherrim.
oh, and zangoose, of course. the natural enemy of sevipers. one appeared to her right after she left new delsta. what a sign, right?
Osvald:
Osvald we had some interesting stuff to work with, I think. we decided that most of his pokemon were newly acquired after his prison escape- not on purpose. they seem to just take a liking to him and start following him around.
the avalugg helped get him out of the frozen water at cape cold, and then stuck with him.
the teddiursa.. also just stuck with him. we wanted to give him something that felt a little oddball for him⊠so this doesnât evolve. it stays cute and unevolved forever.
the shuppet was found hovering around the ruins of Osvaldâs house. he was reluctant to take it, but if it was formed out of some semblance of his desire for vengeance⊠he has to be responsible for it.
the Indeedee is the only one of osvalds old pokemon, out of this lineup. since indeedee are so helpful to people, it was kind of a family pokemon acquired after elenaâs birth (dex mentions theyâre good at babysitting.) Osvald could probably also trust it with simple lab assistant tasks like moving stuff around. was a very beloved pokemon within their family. anyways, following his sentencing, clarissa managed to get ahold of the indeedee and took care of it all this time. when osvald returns, itâs clear it wants him to take her with him.
the drampa was acquired after the events of montwise, having shown up and basically just forced itself to go with osvald. somehow it seems to know whatâs going on and who it can trustâŠ
and slowking.. well, smart guy needs a smart pokemon. itâs another one that took a shine to him, though at that point he was getting used to this happening.
Partitio:
Talonflame: partitioâs aptitude for fire magic and the âchickadeeâ nickname made this an obvious choice for an ace. I can imagine a young partitioâs first pokemon being a fletchling, for sure.
bramblegast. the funny tumbleweed. put it on the team immediately.
Milotic: Paritio picked up a feebas. having a knack for seeing the potential in pokemon, he wasnât wrong, and now hes got this thing. itâs very popular with other people, though it seems an odd pick for partito at first glance to strangers.
armarouge: ok this oneâs a little convoluted so i will explain it later. kind of vibes based pick tho lol. revavroom kind of. uhh. steam engine. (we can pretend)
there ainât a more partitio pokemon out there than gholdengo. everyone say thank you scarvi for giving partitio most of his team.
Agnea:
hey, itâs another oricorio! i think you can guess why.
volcarona: learns fiery dance, but we thought up even more lore on this one. the larvesta was a family pokemon. mostly belonging to Garud (we ended up deciding that the Bristarnis had a lot of bug types, who help out with the sewing stuff and larvesta does give a little bit silkworm, lol..)
anyways, part of his blessing for sending agnea off was telling her to take the larvesta, who also turned out to be a dazzling star in the end too⊠after a lot of hard work.
altaria and leafeon rep dragon and swords dance. i just feel like theyâre good picks for her energy, too. lunatone reps the moonstep. Iâve also opted to give her a sunny cherrim, which i think would be cute contrasted with ThronĂ©âs gloomy one.
Temenos:
temenos has quite the oddball lineup for a cleric. but hes kind of an oddball cleric so i think it works.
Absol. man. a lot of shit happens to temenos. this absol is stressed tf out 24 fucking 7. sorry man.
Clefable: felt like we had to give him a healer-adjacent pokemon and this one evolves with a moonstone. feels fitting for mr night-ability mistral tbh.
Lokix. alright. another scenario based pick. Temenos caught this thing on the pilgrims way as a nymble at like level 2. probably rustling in the metaphorical tall grass, crick is all âget behind me, it could be dangerousâ and then. lvl 2. nymble. doesnât even need to be fought to be caught. and then temenos is all hey crick, itâs a âcrickâet pokemon! (weâll ignore that the dex says grasshopper) heâd keep it just to mess with crick, but it ends up sticking around.
Houndoom. well, temenos is the pontiffâs hound, so we did need to pick a dog for him. itâs a houndour in the beginning, houndoom by the end. probably evolved in a moment of crisis (in ch4?) the yamask is from crackridge.
wooloo. this is actually Crickâs. it wasnât helping with the little lamb allegations⊠after the events of stormhail, Temenos takes it in.
Hikari:
Kingambit: i mean. come on. gotta get a kingambit for the future king.
Gardevoirs dex entire mention that it is dedicated to its trainer/cause to the bitter end, and would do anything to protect it. perfect for Hikari.
Morpeko and Zweilous. some literally two-faced pokemon. (maybe he feels a little bit of a kinship with them in that way) i also really wanted to give Hikari a pseudo-legendary, and i think that his zweilous would probably evolve just in the nick of time to kick some ass against mugen. Hydreigons might be notoriously destructive, but something about the personalities merging into one brain in evolution seems to have mellowed Hikariâs out. itâs remarkably personable, for a hydreigon.
lucario: i really wanted to give him a pokemon that learns copycat, and lucario fits that bill. plus, he definitely needed a fighting type.
Cerudelge: formed from bitterness of old cursed armor, but also an extremely skilled sword fighter⊠one of hikariâs aces.
I also like to imagine that a lot of hikariâs pokemon are quite difficult to deal with (his ceruledge in particular is quite belligerent and mean) but they all have utmost respect for him as a trainer, once theyâre on the battlefield. but onlookers sometimes worry⊠how the hell does he deal with it all?
other notes about some of the picks :
Partitioâs amarouge. Paritio picked up a. charcadet later on, and hikari personally warned him that it might be difficult to deal with. (his charcadet and later ceruledge were super hard to train for him) of course, partitio did end up in possession of the cool nice armor that evolved it into the better mannered and nobler armarouge⊠but honestly, even his charcadet was far better behaved.
paritio and tressa both get those shitty fish that get cool. must be because they both have an eye for a diamond in the rough.
agnea and thronĂ©âs cherrims are best friends. thronĂ© rarely got to see her cherrim sunny-form until she left new delsta⊠she wonders if maybe it was upset about being so nocturnal before, with the blacksnakes.
castti and osvald, team mom and team dad somehow both ended up with slowkings. everyoneâs a little concerned about casttiâs, thoughâŠ
after the events of his story, Osvald leaves indeedee and teddiursa with clarissa and elena. the teddiursa and elena in particular take to each other very well⊠when osvald finally is able to return to elenaâs life, the teddiursa is really much more her pokemon.
also. Hâaanit and Ochette and far and away the best battlers of both groups. i know i only have them with one flex spot, but you can imagine that theyâd swap out a lot more for whatever they need to do to build a good team. theyâve got loads more options than everyone else.
you know that thing about giving someone an applin in galar? therion did trade it over to alfyn at one point. but really they have joint custody of that thing. which definitely ended up as an appletun.
we also had some npc aces sprinkled in there, so hereâs some other thoughts, just as bonus!
Malaya: Pawmot (revival blessing), rapidash.
Elena: Abra
Harvey: Hypno, Bacephalon
Pala: Kricketot (formerly belonged to her and agneaâs mom)
Roque: Metagross
Kazan: Husuian Braviary
Ori: Chatot
Trousseau: Glimmora
Cordelia: âŠ.ferrothorn
Erhardt: Aegislash, Hisuian Samurott
Zâaanta: Zamazenta
Juvah: is literally a solgaleo
Darius: Scrafy/Pangoro
Simeon: Malamar
Esmeralda: Mismagius (wanted to give her something with perish song)
Mattias: drifblim? darkrai?
Lucia: Hatterene
Miguel: Grimmsnarl
Werner: spectrier
Mugen: Kingambit. mirror match with Hikari, but mugenâs has supreme overlord while Hikariâs has defiant.
Kaldena: we couldnât pick but maybe she goes like lusamine mode and fuses with something.
Claude: Cradily. (uh. literally fossil pokemon)
Dolcinea: belive it or not, also an oricorio. also, solrock. but her oricorio is the prettiest.
veronica: she has somehow acquired the worlds first and only female gallade through the power of lesbianism.
Crick: ⊠woolooâŠ.
I do wanna make some drawings for these ideas, but this post was literally already one billion miles long and has way too many images, so itâll probably be a separate post. thanks for the ask! and sorry for talking so much, but i fucking love making pokemon teams so much itâs insane.
and a big thank you again to my bestie @snailcruncher who helped me with a lot of these picks (and did basically all of the npc picks thank you so much i love you). tysm for pokemon octopath brainrotting with me for like 4 hours.
#octopath#octopath traveler#octopath traveler 2#im not tagging every character. lol#pokemon#only tagging pkmn so iâll be able to find this post again later.#anyways. feel free to yap at me about my picks i can and will talk about this forever.
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