#it could maybe have to do with my hormones???
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Imagine Geto and Gojo like your glorified bullies. They have had their eyes on you ever since they saw you. No one actually believed them to be bullies, sure they are arrogant and a bit mean but still, they are the golden duo of the Campus, loved and adored by everyone… but secretly obsessed with you, so but SO obsessed that their innocent teasing, playful at most, in time became more physical….
"Eyes on me, pretty," Geto grunts and swears and sweats and CAN'T seem to look away when he guides you down and kiss the tip of his cock, your tongue licking the roundness of the head like a lollipop, all in hope that this one-night stand will manage to dissuade this devilish duo from continuing to harass you, make them have their fill and be done with you.
Geto watches you closely, breaths coming out labored and heavy. Your pretty eyes finally locking with his lovesick stare, orbs full of a sick devotion he refuses to give to anyone else, only perhaps to Satoru, who right now can’t help but chuckle amused at the love-stricken look Geto has on his face, not realizing he has the same damn look right at that moment.
"Dammit! you’ll be my end, I just know it,” the raven-haired heaves way too reverently before he realizes how vulnerable you are making him look and immediately, tries to keep face in front of a giggling Satoru. “Told ya, this little cunt can easily take us both.”
Geto's hand comes to rest on your hair a little meaner, pushing you down and making you choke on his fat cock, but—… allowing you to control the speed with which you suck him off. Dammit! he just can’t control that soft spot he has for you.
Gojo snickers and rolls his eyes, shaking his head lightly at the devastating effect your mere existence has in his bestie… and in him, if he’s being honest.
"Don't hog her, Suguru-"
You blearily stare back into Satoru Gojo’s pouting grimace and he looks more frustrated than amused this time, you could laugh at how pathetic he looks if your mouth wasn't being used to make his best friend cum. Your drooling lips dragging over Suguru's throbbing cock, you can only try to follow his thrusting hips in order to protect the fragile, frayed strands of your sanity.
“You said you w-wanted….” Suguru has to concentrate to form logical sentences, “her s-sweet pussy first-…” he chokes a little when the tip touches the back of your throat but recovers the best he can, “then have-have her sweet p-pussy first, dumbass.”
You just ignore their little quarrel, just nibbling the sides of Geto's cock before he´s making you go down on him with a little more force, taking him whole in one go. Gojo lets his growing twinge of jealousy guide his next actions and with a mischievous grin, varnishes his lips in saliva, making sure are nice and slick to lick a fat and wet trip on your quivering slit.
You yelp at the unexpectedness and Geto shushes you, a benevolent expression on his face.
"Just concentrate on sucking my cock," he hums and noticing your struggle, adds, "breath through your nose, pretty, nice and easy... just listen to my voice, sweetness."
Eventually you do as he says, taking more of Geto in your mouth. "That's right, that's a good girl.” The raven-haired praises unable to hide anymore how much he wants you for himself. How much he wants to devote his life to you… and maybe, Satoru as well. If you can handle both, he'll take it... if you only want him, he'll take it faster.
Gojo's pathetic shriek tells Geto that he manages to slip in your tightness and your bouncing hips on his cock make him moan, appreciatively.
Gojo's powerful hips colliding with your bruised ass cheeks without an inch of restraint is making sucking Geto off, sloppier and dirtier, and somehow, making him love it even more. Making him more verbal and prompter to show his more vulnerable side.
You knew that from the two, Geto was the machiavellian mind behind every act of bullying against you, but right now… this man, this weak mass of hormones, broken groans and trembling thighs under your hands were also showing a disarmingly sweet and unexpected, side of him. Something intimate and utterly private.
"Am I being too rough? Are you comfortable?" His rambling started all of the sudden and kept coming… "You want it deeper, should Gojo speed up or slow down..." "You're so beautiful. Ask us for ANYTHING, we'll put Tokyo at your feet... be our princess." "Shit! If you keep sounding so incredibly adorable, I'm going to cum... I don't want to cum yet-" "No, don't stop, let me hear you... I was just thinking out loud, I love the way our name sounds in your voice. Oh baby! You're going to be my downfall, please... be my downfall!
“OUR downfall!”
Gojo corrects and the two men lock eyes. His cock stills inside you and your body tenses. There’s a heavy silence before Geto nods in agreement, the easygoing grin back on his lips.
"Sorry. It slipped out. Our girl," he shifts his dark gaze to your reddened face and his eyes soften again. "You knew we bullied you because we like you, don’cha? I know you knew it-”
You didn’t. You actually don't want to believe that to be the reason, that reason gives you more chills than the fact that they only saw you as a passing victim. This new information makes you make him cum faster, it slips down your chin and neck at how heavy it is, and you hear him chuckle breathlessly, as one of his hands pet your head, way too gently.
"Y-You just wanted to keep us on the edge of our seats, y-you wanted to torture us, I just know it, kitten... well, you did well... we're crazy-crazy about you.”
You freeze, don’t knowing how to react, so you don’t… and they notice.
Soon Gojo finishes too, and a loop begins, one after another after another… like trying to brand you from the inside out, they need to seize their chance. Satoru’s strong but gentle fingers keep you effectively anchored to his groin, as he only hums appreciatively in response to your adorable, pathetic moans as both keep feeding those glorious pieces of meat to your conquered holes.
“You, letting me rut into your softness and enduring our frenzy with such grace has undoubtedly been the best thing of my damn year, pretty." Satoru finally confesses, leaving his tough guy facade aside. Both their masks are off for good now.
Suguru Geto chuckles at his confession, you make them so desperate, so desperate to hear something more than moans mumbled brokenly from your lips, they want to hear you say that you accept all their proposals and future plans, that you are their girlfriend, their future wife, the future mother of their child… he wants to hear that you are HIS… Theirs, he means, theirs.
But you don’t and that irks and burns deeper than expected and makes them have to go back to their nasty and reprovable behavior. Unfortunately for you, they just run out of patience.
“Y’know,” Suguru starts conversationally, disturbingly stretched grin and unfaltering obsidian gaze betraying his previous gentle approach and innocently whispered proclamations of love. “I REALLY like this pussy… I think we’ll keep it.”
You hear Satoru laugh, and for the first time, you can glimpse your mistake. This wasn’t a night one stand, their greed for you is bottomless, your foolish attempt to tame them, failed and now they look greedier than EVER.
➡️ 👀 Sneak Peek Artwork HERE
🔞➡️ FULL NSFW ART of this drabble HERE
#gojo x reader#geto x reader#gojo x geto#gojo smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#satosugu#gojou satoru x reader#geto x gojo x reader#suguru geto x reader#suguru geto smut#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru smut#suguru smut#gojo x you#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo x y/n#satoru x suguru#geto x gojo#satoru gojo x reader#jjk#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru fluff#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#geto smut
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At the science and development conference, Dr. Miranda Hale found herself in a rare position of being the center of attention. Her reputation in the medical community had grown, especially after the work she had done with Sophie, Emily, and their condition. The university had invited her to speak about the hormonal changes and experimental treatments that were still in the early stages, but with great potential. It was a topic that was both controversial and intriguing, drawing the interest of many in the academic world.
Miranda, though usually shy and reserved, had become more comfortable with public speaking over time. She stood at the podium, explaining the scientific principles behind her work with clarity and passion. Her hands were steady as she clicked through her slides, her voice confident, though a little quieter than some of the other speakers. As the lecture went on, she could sense the curiosity and intrigue from the audience, especially as she described the unique phenomenon that Sophie and Emily were experiencing.
The Q&A
When the lecture ended, Miranda sat down at the front of the room for the Q&A session. A few questions came from the audience, some technical, others more personal in nature, all of them eager to understand the potential implications of her work.
One student in particular—a young man in his early twenties, wearing glasses and a casual blazer—had been asking several follow-up questions. He seemed particularly focused on the details of the hormonal adjustments and the potential outcomes of the ongoing experiments. His questions were sharp and precise, showing that he had a genuine interest in the subject. His enthusiasm was almost contagious, and Miranda found herself engaged in the exchange, enjoying the intellectual challenge.
After a while, however, his questions took a more personal turn, hinting at an unusual curiosity about the human side of the research. He asked about how the women involved in the study felt about the changes, how they had coped with the rapid physical transformations, and whether any of them had formed a deeper connection to the process itself. Miranda answered carefully, always sticking to the scientific facts, but it was clear that this student was more interested in the personal implications of the research.
After the Conference
Once the conference had concluded, most of the attendees filed out of the lecture hall, eager to continue networking or head to the next session. Miranda was gathering her notes when she noticed the same male student from earlier approaching her.
"Dr. Hale," he said, his voice a bit more nervous now that the formalities of the Q&A were over, "I really appreciate your talk today. It was fascinating—so insightful."
Miranda offered a polite smile. "Thank you. I'm glad you found it interesting."
The student hesitated for a moment before continuing, his eyes searching for the right words. "I—uh, I just wanted to say... I find your work really inspiring. And, well..." He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, clearly gathering courage. "I think you're really attractive. And if you're open to it, I'd love to meet with you sometime. Maybe we could have coffee or dinner? Just to talk more, maybe—about your work, or anything else."
Miranda was momentarily taken aback. She had grown accustomed to intellectual admiration for her work, but this kind of personal compliment was new. She had been so focused on her research and the community she was building that the idea of romantic or personal attention from others had never really crossed her mind. She could tell from the student's expression that he was genuine, though perhaps a little too forward for her comfort.
Miranda smiled politely but firmly. "I appreciate the compliment, but I think it's important to maintain professional boundaries. I’m here to focus on my research and the work we’re doing, and I hope you understand that." Her tone was kind, but clear in its intention to redirect the conversation.
The student seemed slightly embarrassed but nodded quickly. "Of course, Dr. Hale. I understand. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
"No, it's fine," Miranda reassured him, her voice softening. "It's just that I prefer to keep things professional, especially in academic settings. But I do appreciate your interest in my work."
The student gave a small nod, clearly trying to hide his disappointment. "Right, of course. Well, thank you again for the talk. It was really eye-opening."
Miranda smiled again. "You're welcome. I'm glad you found it valuable."
As the student turned to leave, Miranda took a deep breath. She was used to being respected for her intellect, but this encounter felt different. It was the first time in a long while that someone had expressed personal admiration for her outside of professional or academic contexts. While she appreciated the compliment, it made her realise that she wasn’t quite sure how to navigate this new territory. She had always been so focused on her work that personal matters like this hadn’t been on her radar. But perhaps, with the changes she was experiencing in her own life, it was time to reflect on how she might want to handle relationships, both personal and professional, moving forward.
As she packed up her things and prepared to leave, Miranda couldn’t help but think about the unexpected nature of this world she was now part of. It wasn’t just about science and development anymore—it was about navigating her own journey, both professionally and personally, and figuring out where her place was in it all.
#preggie#pregnant women#pregnant#pregnant woman#pregnancy#pregblr#preggo kink#preggophilia#big pregnant belly#huge pregnant belly#pregnancy fantasy#preggolife#super preggo#plus size preggo#preggo k!nk#pregnant bump#pregnant kink#pregnant beauty
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To people who sweat a lot or worry about smelling bad, i REALLY encourage you to invest in a "Men's deodorant if you haven't tried it yet.
That shit fucking works wonders. A cheap men's speedstick has my back when a 10 dollar "clinical strength" for women crumples like wet paper.
#it could maybe have to do with my hormones???#idk i think men's scents smell better on me aanyway#even tho i think sweeter fruity stuff smells good on other people
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your body isn't your own
#monkey d luffy#koby one piece#eustass kid#killer one piece#described in alt text#my art#my comic#secret modern au#art is concept ect#here i wanted to see how much i could implied with as little dialogue as possible. worked best in the first comic tbh#luffy is intersex in this AU now! (and a cis man) it's smth i had considered multiple time but never settled on until now because#i wasn't sure what to do with it but with how the plot evolved it makes a lot of sense and fixes some parts.#it's funny! he was meant to have some undiagnosed vague hormone disorder but i decided it's likely pms/pmdd (and maybe smth else#he's got a lot going on) and you kind need an uterus for that sooo.#genderwise he went through various flavors of gnc cis guy to genderqueer to ??? but now i'm thinking cis guy is best.#* VICE admiral btw. this what happen when you write comic past midnight
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.
And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...
And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!
I shall simply write fanfic about it.
#speculation nation#pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died#and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What#but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman#and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state#but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it#thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.
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i need a new strategy for like, cleaning my room and doing yoga and reading and leaving the house. the adhd has reached mythic levels of bad. i have the thought, "i should do X," and then i won't move. i make a to-do list and i won't do anything on it. i queue up a yoga practice and i won't do it. i stare at my room and get stressed out about how cluttered it is. i write 3000 words of notes for a fic i don't even know if i'm going to write. i think and i think and i think about my OCs and they won't let me write them. i spend hours looking at stuff i can't buy. i take like an hour to write this.
#rum.txt#i have to do something about my phone...........#i might be able to uninstall tumblr#i can't uninstall twitter because the stupid fucking thing turns off notifications when you do#so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for#(a very small list of forcebook- and kaibaek-related accs)#i can't uninstall instagram because of forcebook again lol#i also use it for recipes sigh#but i might start just... leaving it in my room when i get up and see how that goes#i'd also have to try to not look at my phone first thing in the morning#i also have to start actually getting up in the morning#i think that's the main thing#ok maybe when i take my medication in the evening i start getting ready for bed#it'll take long enough that it'll probably still be late but reasonable late#and not like. almost 3 am like now#one of the problems with my room right now is that i have a lot of STUFF#and i'm afraid of getting rid of the STUFF#because the last time i got rid of a bunch of STUFF#(mostly clothes)#i totally regretted most of it and i'm still like ah shit i don't have that anymore? :(#but also i have a big bed that i just want OUT of there#and a huge wardrobe that unfortunately holds a lot of the STUFF#so i don't know where all the STUFF would go#and every job i apply to sucks#and every job i actually want is TERRIFYING in both its unattainability and the miniscule possibility of its improbable successful executio#so i'm like stressed out about a thing that hasn't happened to make something that hasn't happened that i'm also stressed out about#every possible scenario whether i want it or not feels like it could lead to a meltdown because everything is so god damn hard right now#AND I FEEL SO!!!!!! SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the worst part is that i know all this is because my stupid fucking period is coming up#but just because my hormones are making me feel overwhelmed and melodramatic about everything doesn't make anything i've said untrue
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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someone please free me from the shackles of my ableist job so I can read my books, draw and write my silly little fics in PEACE
#i told my boss about people disrespecting me and calling me ableist slurs and she was straight up like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i haven't been paid yet (nearly a month now) and they still pressure me into sending my work weeks before the deadline#i can't sleep I can't have fun without thinking about whether i'm falling behind on work or not#i haven't been able to write these past week because of my work#i'm tired all the time. everyone is worried about me#if they gave me a raise maybe i could help my family w/ bills & start my hormonal therapy but they don't even pay me in the right day#i've been waiting almost 10 years to finally start hormonal therapy and at this point i'm just living for my little family and out of spite#cw: rant#vent#they say they are inclusive and love autistic people and then treat me like shit and get pissed off when I make a mistake#and then when a neurotypical person does the SAME mistake they say “oh it's fina haha” and don't yell at them like they do with me#i already quit but I have a few more weeks. I'm scared to be unemployed and embarassed. I want to help my family#but it's hard when it feels like the whole world hates people like me
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just got a biopsy to see if my [checks notes] 15-week period is because of cancer. however then my friends drove me to get chocolate and the new martha wells novel so, you know, there are pros and cons here.
#the epic highs and lows of having a uterus#highs: people buy you chocolate!!#lows: all the other stuff :(#anyway i am. a lil stressed out lol#also pretty lightheaded! i'm not really even sure why because ok so yeah i was already anemic from the 15 weeks of bleeding#plus i was anemic before that also#plus there was a lot of blood during the biopsy. but i feel like that blood was just the stuff in my uterus that'd be coming out anyway#as opposed to new blood from within my veins or something#and i'm still sick lolllll#so it's a fun time. BUT! martha wells novel! and i lent all systems red to a friend who will hopefully become obsessed with murderbot#and talk to me about it constantly! (<-my endgame at all times)#it's so funny every time i've been to the doctor they're like 'date of your last period?' and i'm like april 9th. and it is ongoing.#and then we just 😬 at each other#anyway cross your fingers for me. apparently if the biopsy comes back negative they don't have other ideas for what could be going on#not sure how to feel about that. obviously i don't want to have cancer but it's very stressful not knowing what is going on#do i just bleed forever indefinitely??? i'll be real with you lads that doesn't seem great :/#she was like next step would be to put in a hormonal iud and i was like that is absolutely not an option that i will consider#i would sooner get a hysterectomy#so idk maybe i will get a hysterectomy! biopsy results in a week. okay. ending the tags now#if anybody wants me to trigger tag for cancer mentions let me know and i can definitely do that going forward <3
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*gets bored and starts reading Wikipedia articles at you*
#my hobby fr#honestly just reading shit like that I general is fun#I have this really old dictionary from like 1942#and once I spent like an hour just skimming over the new words section#just like enjoying it and thinking about how maybe once upon a time that WASNT a word everyone and their grandmother knew#I can’t believe that word meant something completely different than it does now#also a little fun fact I learned from that:#transgender folks (or at least trans femmes.. that’s the only entry I remember seeing) existed and were known enough to make it into the#dictionaries back then#also there was a form of hormone therapy that existed back then with transgender women being mentioned in its definition#I don’t remember how it was worded#nor do I feel like going and opening this dictionary rn#but I could probably find it tomorrow
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i want to make one of rhose top 5 polls but im not sure i have 5 characters that (a) i could pick and say they are my favs and (b) that people would know
#like i would put vex but i dont have so many critters following#ive been watching coffin run recently so im tempted to put dr alexander astrovsky but like thats niche evem for dimension 20 viewers#then like who do i have strong feelings about?????#i could put eloise? ig? and like james potter ig??? but thats harry potter noone wants to vote that#and like yes im an everlark shpper so i could put katniss OR peeta but do i feel especially passionate? not rlly#same w buffy. shes slay but do i LOVE any fictional characters anymore?????? growing up is weird#like maybe all my love for fictional characters was hormonal? and ive grown out of it? eugh what a sad though#also it could be scheherezade of the thousand and one nights but i love her theoretically rather than as a person#REALLY my fav fictional characters these days are my dnd characters!#maybe i could do a poll and u could pick which of them is coolest based on their art hehe#aya talks
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lowkey am probably intersex but i dont have a primary care doctor and i changed like most of my sex characteristics so idrk what to do about that lmao
#i could get like. maybe like half a genital inspection#and a chromosome check#but thats it#no hormone levels and ik my uterus was misshapen#but like i dont have a lot of my 'natal' stuff anymore#which is great cause being a transsexual fucking rocks#but like. idk. idk what to do#i dont have a primary care doctor either#not tagging this real ones get it
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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.
#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up#but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones#i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda#positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic#and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even#removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy#but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic#bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this#also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes#just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine#annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol#unrelated
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This is the first period in nearly a year that's been normal for me, and I've only been taking the steroid. I don't know what that means for me
#tried googling some stuff but ofc my situation isn't easy to describe into a search engine so. no real luck there#I gotta make another appt w my dr and I'll tell her abt this#but I've just been taking the steroid and I haven't taken the tranexamic and literally this is the first normal period I've had#saw someone say it could have smth to do w hormones but I've had my thyroid tested recently and everything was in normal range#which I guess could mean nothing. idk. I'm not a medical expert by any means AND I'm dead fucking tired so I might not be able to read#idk. I just kinda want to cry. I'm not going to cuz the headache would be unbearable rn but maybe tomorrow I will.
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My Skin
MYSKINMYSKINMYSKIN
#Sel talks#Vent#AH!#A single angelic note before I implode#I am realizing how uncomfortable I am as I am (:#Which is what I was trying to AVOID!!!#MR. PAST THERAPIST#I am hitting over the had with a bat#I was expirencing trans joy and “apparently” that's not good enough for a gd diagnosis#(I am a horrible lier and I feel bad doing it)#Mr. White cishet male#ARGH#MAD#BITING#BITINGBITINGBITING#I'M TIRED OF LIVING LIKE THIS#I WANT TO BURY WHO I AM NOW AND BECOME SOMEONE NEW#I need to go to the city to pick up some new pants this weekend anyway; maybe I'll see if I can't look at going to planned parenthood#Gosh it's been forever since I looked into that#I should make sure my state hasn't banned them from “handing out hormones” or some shit#I want to throw up#I need to leave#I feel like I'm choking constantly#And I wish my body wouldn't have physical reactions to my feelings and emotions#I need change#I need to change#I can't keep on like this#If you happen to read all this; I'd appreciate it if you could give the post a like or smthng#Been feeling kinda lonely and would like to know I've been heard at least#No pressure
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