#it could make for a very interesting exploration of trauma and bad decisions made with good intentions

[kalki-tarot]

WHAT'S THEIR PURPOSE IN YOUR LIFE ? 🗝

pick only one picture that resonates the most with you. allow yourself to have an open mind and please only take what resonates as it's a general reading. this reading is only for entertainment purposes and is not 100% correct.

Allow me to tap into your energy, please.

Pile 1

the lovers, 9 of swords, 10 of wands, Temperance

For some of you this could be a love interest, and they are here to teach you the meaning of true & unconditional love. They are here to trigger healing in you, you may feel anxious or your past is suddenly triggered when you talk to this person. They are here for your spiritual growth. Love is Godliness, a feeling closest to god.

You may be twinflames because they trigger each other to heal. You may also be scared of love because it feels new to you, maybe you never received enough love from others and this made you feel bad about yourself. They are here to help you love yourself. It's their purpose to teach you love by triggering unhealed traumas.

You carry lots of baggages, even from your past life. They will help you live freely by releasing all of that and heal your inner child who feels like a burden, but is not. Even though I'm seeing that healing yourself will be a very tough journey, but that's the reason why your soul has incarnated into who you are today, at this moment.

You may have had experiences in your life when people lied to you or betrayed you, even in love you were cheated on. Your higher self is guiding you right now. Please focus on your healing and balancing your karma. They will help you address these wounds and they will also help you connect to your higher self and guides.

Pile 2

2 of pentacles, the fool, two of wands, page of swords

pile 2, your energy is very contradicting and hard to read. You are someone very confused and chaotic in life. You take risks then you immediately regret your life decisions lol. But the person you're asking about will help you with your chaotic energy and scattered behavior.

They are like a portal for you. New doors will be opened in your life through them. So be ready for it! They will help you get out of your inner chaos and explore the outer world more and create a balance between both.

They will go on dates with you. They may act a bit strict sometimes but it's for your betterment. You may not see the good in this right now, but later in life you'll be thankful to have them in your life. They can be a friend or a lover.

An extra thing I'm seeing is that you guys may connect over social media or just text a lot in general. You will make them feel like a child again. I'm also seeing that they will help you regain the lost momentum or control you had over your life.

Pile 3

ace of wands, king of pentacles, strength,the chariot, 9 of cups, 2 pentacles

Some of you could be asking about a mentor or a guide. They can be a spiritual master or a teacher of yours. They are here to provide you guidance and help you develo thinking abilities and skills so that you can manifest opportunities in your life. Or reach your goals.

They are here to provide you support, emotional and physical or even spiritual. They will console you whenever you feel down or sad. You are like their own child. And they deeply connect with you to a spiritual level.

You are someone who is very chaotic amd lacks direction in life. They will probably come into your life in a situation where you are juggling between a lot of things without clarity. They will show you a way out of this world. They will help you create a path and move in proper direction with a sense of clarity. They will also help you get stable in life.

[the-sage-libriomancer]

okay SO. important context is that i read Fruits Basket Another as physical volumes from my local library, and the second volume had JUST come out when i started reading the sequel series, so i had to wait several months before the final volume came out and made it to my library, which gave me plenty of time to hype myself up over this theory.

My brilliant fan theory was that Sawa Mitoma was actually Sawa Sohma, Akito and Shigure's first child. She was born in roughly the same time period as Mutsuki and Hajime, followed by her brother Shiki three years later. Unfortunately, Sawa was an easy target for Ren's spiteful misogamy, leading to an incident where Ren pushed little Sawa down a tall flight of stairs and nearly killed her. Sawa suffered several painful injuries including head trauma (she hit her head really hard on the concrete stairs) and was understandably traumatized by the incident.

Realizing that their daughter was traumatized and in serious danger, Akito and Shigure made the difficult decision to send Sawa away: they arranged for a third party (probably a suitably distant Sohma member) to take care of Sawa with a set allowance that the Sohmas gave them every month. Sawa didn't remember her family because she'd developed amnesia from the fall, or they asked Hatori to erase her memories, or both. Shiki became the new future house head, and now nobody talks about Sawa because it's too painful.

Sawa grew up believing Mrs. Mitoma was her mom, and she developed horrible self-esteem issues due to the constant neglect and verbal abuse she suffered every day. By chance, she ends up attending the same high school as the other Sohma kids. Naturally, all of the Sohma kids remember their cousin Sawa, but they're not allowed to talk to her or indicate that she's a Sohma. But being headstrong Sohma kids who were explicitly raised to be more positive and family-centric than the previous generation, there's no way they're going to just ignore her and act like she's a random stranger, hence why they constantly make efforts to bring Sawa into their fold over the course of the series.

it's been a while since i read the sequel series, but from i can recall, these were my "clues":

-Sawa repeatedly indicated she'd been in an accident when she was young, but couldn't remember the specifics. The incident involved her falling down a flight of stairs and suffering from physical injuries, including broken bones and head trauma, that pained her even years later. This was threaded into the story in a way that made it obvious it would be plot-relevant.

-the Sohma kids obviously knew something about Sawa and acted like they had a previous connection with her. Meanwhile, Sawa had no idea who they were and barely interacted with them before the events of the story.

-Shiki in particular definitely had some sort of history with Sawa, and he seemed to feel uncomfortable and guilty about something in their shared past. The story also gave Shiki and Sawa significant moments of connection, moreso than the other characters. Lots of bonding moments and lingering reaction shots, etc.

-Shiki is an only child and one of the youngest Sohma children, in contrast to all the Sohma kids who are high-school aged or older. And Sawa just happened to be high-school aged, even ending up in the same grade as Sohma kids who were born when the zodiacs who are Akito's age were having children.

-judging from that one panel where Akito is shielding Shiki from Ren, it can be assumed that Ren is still a toxic asshole who's willing to do monstrous things to people she hates, even (probably especially) to her grandchildren.

-Sawa lived with a single mother who regards her as a burden and frequently heaped verbal abuse on her, not to mention how much she neglected Sawa and left her to fend for herself.

-there were multiple hints that Mrs. Mitomi and the Sohmas were connected financially, specifically that one was receiving money from the other. The Sohmas were depicted as being a little uncomfortable around Sawa for this reason.

Obviously I realized that none of this was conclusive evidence. It's not like I went "it's extremely suspicious that Akito and Shigure didn't have a child immediately like the rest of the zodiacs" or "Sawa's mother is an abusive bitch so she can't be Sawa's real mother" or anything like that (i mean a HUGE point in the original series is that biological families can be extremely fucked up, and of course it makes sense that Akito and Shigure would wait to have a kid - they probably felt like they needed more time before they were ready to take care of a child). But in my head it was like the connecting dots meme. I was like "aha! the reason Shiki and Sawa's relationship has such heavy focus is because they're secret siblings!" and "ohhhh so the reason everyone's being so weird about Sawa is because she's actually their cousin!" and "okay, so obviously the Sohmas must be paying this random woman to take care of a child and that's why she thinks Sawa is such a burden!"

Anyway, obviously that is NOT what happened and you can imagine my reaction when the lawsuit nonsense was revealed and the two characters i'd decided were siblings ended up having explicit romantic tension lmao.

Looking back, i can see plenty of flaws with my reasoning. Like, would Akito and Shigure really send Sawa to live with some random person and let her believe that she was a different woman's daughter? Would they leave her to fend for herself, never checking up on her or realizing what a tool Mrs. Mitoma was? I mean, i guess they might've wanted to hide her in case Ren tried to find her again, but it just seems like an unnecessarily convoluted plan.

On the other hand, I liked that hypothetical twist much better than "the big secret is that Sawa's mother filed a very public wrongful lawsuit against the Sohmas (which feels tonally strange in FB's setting and also kind of weird bc of how un-thematic it is) and Sawa ends up having sexual tension with a 13 y/o boy with the implication that they're going to start a relationship" :/

throwback to the time i convinced myself that Sawa Mitoma was Shiki's mindwiped older sister.

[skruttet]

I recently watched "Sniff's Cave" and admittedly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. One thing I've noticed, though, is that the episode's pacing is on the rails. Things happen way too fast and that also occurs in other episodes from the same season.

I dunno, I'd like to comment with someone about what they think about Sniff, he is one of my favorite characters and not a lot of people seem to comment about it. I see a lot of posts about Moomintroll, Snufkin, Joxter, but not enough about Sniff. His characterization in the 2019 series is a mess, like out of all characters in the main cast, he is limited to being a comic relief, and when he isn't, he wants to find some riches to prove his worth. How could that simple premise be so limiting?

In the cave episode, Sniff does seem to be self-aware of being a joke, and he strives to be more than that, to be seen as important and you know what? I wish there was more than that, but I suppose going existential or being introspective is the contrary of what Sniff is, and always will be. What do you think?

Firstly, the pacing thing is a common issue with this series as a whole, because 13x22' episodes are just too limiting for some of the Moomin stories (sometimes the writers did the best they could, sometimes I think they could've made different decisions to avoid pacing problems. This is something I've been dyinggg to talk about in an episode ranking video which I'll totally definitely film one day lol). Though honestly I don't think the pacing was too bad with this ep in particular?

I think the reason people don't comment on Sniff much, at least in relation to this show, is because there's only one thing to say and that is that he's done very poorly :')

One night in September I couldn't sleep and ended up ranting about his characterisation on Twitter which I didn't even post properly but I was basically mad about how he's portrayed as a homeless child (a home is never mentioned and in The Strange Case of Mrs Fillyjonk he is sleeping on a tree branch IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM!) and whilst in the novels he's adopted by the Moomins, in Moominvalley Moominpappa even forgets his name and sometimes acts as if he's a stranger! He can be quite mean to him and even Moominmamma joined in on it at the start of season 3.

And, like you said, he's just reduced to the comic relief character who's played for laughs. I then went into how this makes him being the cross-dresser interesting but I don't think that is actually done in a malicious way so I kinda talked my way out of my rant then lol (although him wearing the hair in The Trial is certainly comedic so arguably a "man in dress" joke??)

I wish I was able to give more insight on his character and how they could've improved him but he's never been a favourite of mine unfortunately. I think maybe they shouldn't have made him SO stupid it gets a little ridiculous (I mean it's pretty much 'lol random' humour). I really enjoyed Clare Corbett's performance as him in the Comet audio drama; she made him sound like, well, a little boy, and it was very sweet. His meanness felt more like cheekiness.

I've ranted about The Trial and how much I hate it many times before, but it's unfair to many characters, including Sniff. He isn't even allowed to gain character development naturally; the Hobgoblin just, like, magically gives him empathy? And then Sniff goes round giving unsolicited therapy to everyone and bringing up their traumas in front of others???? And then even that artificial development doesn't seem to stick because he's still quite selfish in future episodes.

I do like that Night of the Groke and Sniff's Cave focused more on his fear, I think that's an interesting angle to explore with him, and it's nice he's able to overcome his fears eventually - in his own way!

[aktinopterygia]

i just think it's unfortunate how atla's political argument was about fighting imperialism, but lok's was about maintaining the status quo and essentially being a cop, equating (caricatures of) communism and anarchy with fascism and theocracy/religious law. + plot decisions that made no sense, like toph choosing to be a police officer, and also this out-of-the-blue conflict between benders and non-benders as systemic oppression (?????) which was never a thing in atla, and if you wanted to talk about oppression and political conflict the choice was right there: the fire nation. the show could have explored how the rest of the world dealt with war trauma, like, in korra's time there definitely would have been people still alive that remembered when the fire nation burned down their village etc. How would the world handle sharing space with fire benders post-war? that would have been interesting. the impact of that whole ass war into the next generation. but no, we had to villainize leftist movements seeking equality and social justice and equate them to fascism. also the way this show glorifies the police, good god...

it wasn't a bad show, and I did love many of the characters and the steampunk setting and the art, it's just sad that those choices were made and that clearly no research was done on political science and ideology before making such bold statements about it. it feels very arrogant.

[princeescaluswords]

I've been thinking about Munroe and wondering what about season 6 could have been different if her supernatural trauma was related to the nogitsune and the oni instead like in the hospital attack. I think it would be make her hatred of the pack a bit more compelling because they, especially Scott, actually did choose to save and protect Stiles regardless of the danger to other people and they could do something interesting with Scott and Stiles' guilt over it all. I also feel like it would be more believable for her to have supporters if they were other survivors who saw what they thought was the sheriff's son do something terrible and then have it completely covered up.

Do you think that's something that would have worked? How do you think it would have played out?

I think that your musings are inadvertently neglecting a very key part of Tamora Monroe's story. Unless I am mistaken (and feel free to correct me if I am) you're arguing that if her trauma had been directly connected to something the pack chose to do rather than something that they failed to stop, it would have made more of an impact. I agree that it would have certainly made her hostility toward the pack more personal.

However, I consider the fact that it wasn't due to a specific decision is vitally important dimension to her story. As usual, I'm going to preface my remarks by making it clear that Monroe is a villain, and my exploration of her motivations should not be taken as approval of her actions in any way.

To me, the central premise to Tamora Monroe's story isn't that she experienced trauma. A lot of people in the show experienced trauma and reacted to it in ways both good and bad. No, Monroe's fury arises from the way the main characters reacted to her trauma. She may have completely recovered from the damage the Beast did to her. She may have mourned the friends she lost on that school bus. What she can't accept is how unimportant the reaction made her seem. Something terrible happened to her but it was a side effect, a background detail to a trap made by a monster for others she saw as monsters.

In a bit of clever meta-narrative (with a bit of clear social commentary thrown in), Monroe existed as a minor victim, an extra designed, as T. S. Eliot put it, "to swell a scene or two." Her words to Corey in Said the Spider to the Fly (6x11) establish not only things about Corey's character but also hers.

Tamora: Look, I understand the need to keep up, to be recognized or noticed. Everybody feels invisible sometimes.

What Monroe went through wasn't given any importance. The bodies in the school bus were bait and afterwards, they were carted away never to be mentioned or dealt with again. If she hadn't survived, no one would have given her a second thought.

But she did survive, and even though she did, she still wasn't given enough importance -- enough value -- to be told what really happened to her. She figured it out on her own, and that is where her anger comes from. Her life didn't matter. That type of dismissal can be enraging, and she takes out that rage on those who she sees as acting that way in Raw Talent (6x12).

Monroe: I'm sorry. I should've told you. It's wolfsbane.

When I first heard that line, I was confused. Why would she say that to a werewolf she was hunting? However, it's clear on reflection that this line speaks directly to her motivation. Wolfsbane is dangerous to werewolves, so she should have told Brett that there was wolfsbane in the lacrosse ball, just as the Beast was dangerous to her, and she should have been told about the Beast. She is claiming an eye for an eye.

Her speech to the Sheriff in Werewolves of London (6x17) is also worth analyzing.

Monroe: Understand each other. Do you wanna know what I understand, Sheriff? Do you wanna know what I see in your little show and tell?

She speaks passionately because this is what should have happened way back after she survived the Beast. She should have been allowed to understand what was happening. She should have been listened to, but she didn't have any power. Only now, when she has power, are the people responsible willing to talk. She'll say that exact thing to Scott in After Images (6x13). Now that they're listening, she's going to do the talking.

Monroe: I see a sheriff unable to control the violence in his own county. A county he's sworn to protect. I see the same sheriff in way over his head. And not ready to believe the truth that's been staring him in the face for years.

It's clear that she thought she feels that people like the Sheriff were operating under false premises. They were supposed to keep the monsters away from people who couldn't protect themselves.

Monroe: I was told I was the victim of a wild animal attack. A bear. I was lied to. You lied to protect them over us.

The attack itself doesn't matter as much as the disregard. She was treated as a second-class citizen as opposed to monsters who can heal from stab wounds in a matter of minutes and grow claws and fangs at will. She was made to feel invisible, powerless, and unimportant.

Until she wasn't. Until she had enough power and enough followers to make them treat her differently.

So, what pushed her into become the woman who callously ordered Edgar the Werecoyote disposed of as trash? Well, she wouldn't be the first woman in Teen Wolf manipulated and used by a particularly selfish man to further his own ends.

Gerard: Someone who has been doing this a lot longer than you, but also someone who recognizes raw talent when he sees it.

Gerard had obviously been studying Monroe and figured out what I argue up above. It's not the wounds, it's the lies. It's the ignorance. Notice how many times during Season 6B Gerard emphasizes Monroe's importance or emphasizes how much she needs to learn, or emphasizes that this is what happens when the supernatural is unchecked. He's honed in on her psychology and uses her as a tactical advantage, one he's more than willing to discard once she's outlived her usefulness. Just as he did with Kate. Just as he did with Allison back in Season 2. It's the same thing -- take their feelings and twist them into action.

Monroe fit into Teen Wolf perfectly.

[mwolf0epsilon]

Do you think the SW Sequels Era did anything right? I've seen a lot of backlash in regards to what they did wrong, but I'm genuinely curious to see what some people think were positives ideas to come out of the whole ordeal. (Luke's characterization, Reylo canonicity completely sidelining Finn and Poe, and Disney/Execs overall throwing their POC cast to the wolves when they weren't happy with conditions were decisions that should have never been made in my own opinion btw)

This is one of those topics that might stir up a wasp's nest depending on who you ask, but honestly the Sequels Era as a whole wouldn't be so bad if the executive decisions behind them weren't such a disrespectful trash fire.

But yeah Anon, I getcha. We've all seen people's (rightfully) negative opinions of the Sequels Era and how much squandered potential the trilogy turned out to be. That said I do think there are some positives. Mostly in the form of ideas that DO still have potential so long as they're approached with care and consideration.

With that said, what I think they did right:

The Force Awakens - It's just a straight up good movie that opened the door to a lot of possibilities. Good OST, good cast, interesting alien and creature designs, combined some pretty dark elements that could very easily be explored more deeply by anyone who's interested in sparking a debate about willing conscription vs forced indoctrination and how to tell the two apart, etc. I still consider it a part of mine and @lost-on-kamino 's Forceful Intervention AU Verse because honestly it's a movie that paid excellent homage to both the original and prequels trilogies.

Star Wars Resistance - A lot of people consider it a subpar show, which honestly I don't see. It has so many interesting themes, from privileged kids that want to actually do good instead of sitting pretty while the world burns around them, the dangers of targeted propaganda and how it's specifically used on youths that are dealing with trauma left behind by war, trying to make your way in a galaxy that isn't always friendly but that can offer you community if you know where to look, and more. The cast is fun, the style isn't the worst I've seen in terms of animation, and overall I feel like it's a breath of fresh air to focus on characters that aren't inherently connected to the Force.

Kix Lives - There is absolutely so much potential behind the reveal that Kix was not only frozen in stasis by Dooku, but also found 50 years in the future after everyone he knew and held dear to his heart have been dead and gone for a long while now. The amount of survivor's guilt and trauma would be immeasurable, if not torturous, and I feel like the writers at least owe it to Kix to help him find some legacy his brothers might have left behind. Be it artifacts or even entire lineages they might have been able to start. If not that, then at least show us some of his adventures with the crew of the Meson Martinet.

Barghests - They added a new kind of space doggo that I absolutely love the design of, and want to see in action so badly. Just look at these absolute creatures of all time:

Delightful beasts! Friend shaped! Worthy of as much esteem as the humble Massiff, the zesty Charhound or the beefy Corellian Hound!

And that's about it on my list of things that the Sequels Era did right. If only the rest wasn't an absolute mess... We could have definitely had something really good to work with.

Ah well... Nothing like rolling up the proverbial sleeves and getting to work exploring all the wasted potential yourselves!

[who-dat-homeless]

Thoughts on a coffee theory

Okay let’s get it out of the way -- it’s not a “debunking theory” post. I do believe that coffee theory based, it got a lot of arguments and evidence, and at the very end its interesting and entertaining.

Yet still I don’t like it  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1. It’s just destroying any conflict

Aziraphale and Crowley at the end of the season got a very interesting conflict of ideologies. They both don’t like heaven/hell, they both understand that it’s a very toxic “organizations” that hurt people in the same manner the only difference is in the wrapping. They both want to live on earth amongst humans, they want their little lives left alone to do their little human things, sleep, going out, listen to Shostakovich. Yet they can’t be left alone as long as heaven and hell exists and they both know it. 

 BUT.

They have different solution to this problem. Aziraphale truly believes he can change the system on the inside, that just one angel with good intentions can change everything. Crowley truly believes that he can always run away, pretend he didn’t see big scary monster so it wont touch him.

And I’d say they both wrong. As one single person could never change non material force of “system”, this person can’t just pretend that everything is fine. They’ll be haunted, they’ll be lonely, never finding a place to stay, afraid of intimacy as any other moment can make them run again. 

And how interesting( and good from a writing point) it would be to look for them both to realize they’re wrong and go looking for the third secret thing that finally can put their fears at ease?

And if Aziraphale is just “hypnotized” then it’s all for nothing, Crowley just needs to walk to him, take him by the hand and un-hypnotize him. Idk how about you but for me is a tad bit boring. You can put this plot in one 45 minutes and be done. But ideological differences... Yeah baby, give me some heart wrecking fighting of their sole beings. 

2. Juicy religious trauma gone

Religious imagery and religious traumas are gorgeous on their own. Are you fearful of the higher power? Or are you feeling less lonely knowing that there’s someone who’ll always be by your side? Do you like to know that you’re life goes according to plan? Do you feel satisfaction from knowing that your moral codex is “holy”? (insert any themes about cults and systems in here)

It’s so nice to see explorations of these themes in media. AND NOW IMAGING EXPLORING THEM ON THE EXAMPLE OF THE ANGELES THEMSELVES - BEINGS WHO ARE _THE RELIGION_ WHO CAN’T JUST GO AWAY FROM IT, WHO CAN’T JUST BE A NORMAL “PEOPLE” WITH THEIR LIVES WITHOUT IT   And again. If it’s just the coffee -- one session of un-hypnotizing and everything is resolved on it’s own. 

3. It’s striping away impact of characters decisions

If its not even a character’s decision - why care? Again, un-hypnotize him and everything is good again, I’m more than sure that if Aziraphale is really drugged Crowley would not hold any grudge and welcome him back as easy as it possibly can. If it inevitably leads to no conflict at all, no arcs, no realizations, no growth, why would I care?

4. LET AZIRAPHALE BE BASTARD 

LET HIM BE SHITHEAD, LET HIM BE EVIL, LET HIM BEEEE FOCKEN BITCHHHHHHH

We have soooo many kind moments with Crowley and so little of Aziraphale being absolutely the worst. I can only remember him wanting to kill a kid, but let’s be honest, in that particular situation it was more morally grey. 

They supposed to be neither, human like, making mistakes, fixing them. But with the coffee theory it’s almost like “Aziraphale did nothing wrong! Ever! In his life!”  Nah, let him be a lil bit messy, it would bring a fine flavor to this whole mess of situationship 

And I saw someone made a point that “Oh Aziraphale WOULD NEVER tell Crowley that he’s the bad guy!!!!” 

Yeah but there’s exists thins little thing, y’know, called “EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION”. Aziraphale have being abused by heaven and sadly he took over some of this behavior. For me in this moment he tries to shame Crowley AS HE KNOWS HE LOVES HIM. he wants Crowley to defend himself to say that _he_ is not the bad guy, so Aziraphale can further more prove that Crowley has to come to heaven with him, he want’s him to feel guilty for the feeling Aziraphale has, SO CROWLEY WOULD STAY WITH HIM, SO CROWLEY WOULD BACK OFF AND TRY TO GO BACK TO WHERE THEY WERE AND AZIRAPHALE WOULD NEVER EVER HAS TO CONFRONT THOSE FEELINGS AGAIN. 

“Nothing lasts forever” HE DOSEN’T CARE (he does but not in the context of this analysis) ABOUT HIS SHOP HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH CROWLEY AND HE THREATENS HIM. He says him in the face “We can end at any moment. I can end US at any moment. And you can’t do anything about it” He bluffs and so he shoots himself in the leg

HE LOVES CROWLEY BUT BECAUSE HE STILL IS IN THE POSSESION OF HEAVEN THE ONLY LOVE HE KNOWS IS THREAT AND VIOLENCE

And he even did this kind of the manipulating before!!In the first episode when he tells Crowley that he can leave if won’t going to help him. And he even admits that he said it because he wanted Crowley to help him. So the thing at the ending of the 6th episode is in character!! 

And again. Coffee theory would strip this all away. All of this juicy internal/external conflict. Aziraphale is once again just a damsel in distress waiting for her prince to save her.   IN CONCLUSION 

I like coffee theory as a bandage to my broken heart. I like it as an idea that would hold my broken spirit after the mess I’ve witnessed. I like it as an entertaining, seeing how people play with this idea in fics. 

I don’t like it as a plot possibility  

P.S. also this theory means there’s no possibility for us to see Aziraphale’s apology dance AND I NEED TO SEE IT

[silverstreams]

Hello again, let's see if I can be more coherent now that I'm not sick. I wanted to more properly answer your question about the sort of fic I was looking for! The timeline of it all was that once I stumbled on your fic, I'd been tossing around opening up A03 to find something, but hadn't consciously sat down to think "I wonder what fic to search for".

What I'd seen from yours in both the fanart and the tags on the fic told me it'd likely be in my interest wheelhouse. And then once I got reading, I very quickly realized "Oh, this is my type of fic." Sometimes when I get into or fall back into a fandom I do have the urge to write something, and that urge is usually because I want to read something that doesn't exist. I hadn't consciously, again, plotted out what a Portal story would actually be from myself, but TLG hits on a lot of themes and character features I like to write myself, and frankly has some great twists in it I don't think I would have ever thought of. So it's hitting the itch nicely.

But since I'm rambling a bit, this is what I usually write/enjoy in fics:

Morally complex antagonist or antihero who makes decisions ranging from 'that wasn't great' to 'yes okay we need to talk about your choices'

When the above character's descent into bad decisions is caused by a trauma or situation beyond their control

Explorations of what it means to be human, not in the neurotypical sense, but in "how do we connect as a species" in spite of the wonderful diversity of the human experience

When the above theme is applied to the above character, usually resulting in a non-human character with the potential for growth discovering something critical about what makes humanity profound and somewhat indestructible

When the above situation presents the character with the opportunity for growth and potentially redemption, wherein the growth at least in part involves them recognizing the mistakes they made regardless of the trauma that led them there

Sarcasm

Character(s) who identify outright as ace or could be characterized as such

A slow, slow burn dependent on character development and if a love story is even included in the fic.

A lot of this is featured in the last major fic I wrote. Oddly enough, enemies to lovers isn't something I usually gravitate to! But in TLG it has enough compelling character reasoning to make it work for me quite well.

Also, to reply a bit re: my kid, she loves the game. She's a bit young for it, so we're giving her "quick summary" of a couple parts in terms of content, but we've been introducing her slowly to gaming and she's really good at the problem solving. She loves the characters and likes to mash up stories about them with other characters based on figurines she finds around our house.

This is how we got a rousing crossover going with Geralt, Claptrap, and Glados. Then we showed her Poker Night at the Inventory and I think her mind blew a bit about why Glados and Claptrap were in one game like she was joking about.

She also brings us home a tremendous amount of drawings of Glados that she does at school and I'm just waiting for a phone call about "why does your kid keep drawing the scary looking robot and why does she love her so much?"

oh my god……child glados drawings……that is adorable thank you

[thelittlepalmtree]

I've really started to see more of the toxic acotar fandom. There's a lot of people being mad about good writing. So just a reminder here are some of the things that makes the series GOOD

Character development. She does a very good job of having her characters learn from their mistakes. But in doing that, they have to make mistakes. So, yeah, characters are going to do shitty things. One thing Maas does really well is having characters struggle with the same thing multiple times. Aelin runs from her responsibilities multiple times before accepting them. She hurts her relationships through self-sacrifice before learning to tell the truth and rely on others. This is good because that is real life. It also adds dimension an nuance to the story because the same concept is explored through multiple situations. Growth is not linear and Maas does a great job of portraying the effects of trauma and violence realistically even though the story is fantasy

Perspective. Maas uses perspective in a way that honestly amazes me as a reader. She moves through multiple perspectives in a way that gives us so much insight into the characters while also withholding pivotal information. Sometimes this is like Bryce or Aelin being the main characters but us not knowing the full extent of their plans until they play out. Sometimes it comes in the form of Feyre hating Rhys until she learns about Velaris. Again this reflects real life. There are always reasons for the actions people take. There are always things we don't know. Maas challenges the reader's preconceived notions. Every narrator is unreliable, every character has more to reveal. This makes value judgements not only difficult but entirely missing the point. I truly believe if you're keeping score of good things and bad things the characters do, you're missing the point.

Difficult choices. Much like in life, Maas's characters face choices without good options. And like in life, hurt is inevitable. All of Maas's protagonists genuinely seem to be doing the best they can with the hands they were dealt. Rhys had the option to further risk Feyre's life by telling her the truth or lie to her. He made choices based on who he is--he sacrificed his feelings to protect her. Was it a good choice? No. But he has made bad choices before, when he didn't tell Feyre he was her mate. (See item 2) We don't know what their conversation really was but I'm sure there is more to that story. Bryce having to choose between her integrity and her safety is another difficult choice. Aelin having to choose between her kingdom and Arobyn is another difficult choice. You could argue that in both cases they made the wrong choices morally but that doesn't really acknowledge the humanity in the choices they made. This makes the books more interesting and challenges the reader's preconceptions notions of neat resolutions.

As you read I hope you will take a step back and remember no one is asking YOU to date Rhysand, Nesta is a deeply flawed character but that does not make her evil, all the characters will have and do have their purpose within the story. These are not your friends, they are not supposed to be. If you find yourself disliking something ask yourself (in good faith) why that creative decision was made. Assume every choice made is made because Maas is trying to write a good book that challenges the reader and reflects humanity.

[jeanmoreaux]

(reread anon) One of the things that bugged me the most was Tolya, unfortunately. In the books he's so quiet and serious and devoted and in the show he's this comic relief and I did not vibe with that at all. And then that they took plot points from all the five books and mashed them into one season. That Nikolai already is infected but that it was a Volcra and not punishment from the darkling. That Alina didn't lose her powers and that Inej's Story and trauma was not explored or explained enough. wesper, I didn't like how "smol" they made wylan, it made me a bit icky and how they didn't make him smart or clever in the show. I could go on but you've already mentioned most of the things already haha

noooo you're so, so right about tolya. like what did they do to his character?!?!? i am almost done with my siege & storm reread and there is barely any overlap between book!tolya and show!tolya. in the books, he's such a sternly calm yet imposing presence and he's very devoted to alina & his faith. in the show, he's just kind of there, trying to recite poetry and swinging his katana? idk it's very weird for sure ((also, the thing they did with him and inej???? HUH???)). ((and don't even get me started on tamar and the tamadia neglect lmaooo. so bad.)). godddd, they really randomly picked plot points for this season, didn't they? it truly feels more like a disjointed highlight real than a coherent story. and then the scenes don't even hit because they lack necessary emotional build-up and characterisation because there is no proper narrative set-up 😭😭 in this fictional universe, it simply doesn't work to take storylines out of context and mess with the timeline like this. ((yes, i am still VERY bitter about the pekka rollins stuff............)). you're right, my boys, nikolai and wylan, suffered so much as well. their characterisations ranged from reductive to one-dimensional to kind of okay to feeble to downright stupid. nikolai is more layered then the show even tried to show. i know the writers said they are were not interested in exploring the nikolai merzost infection in any physical way, but i personally think that's such a missed opportunity. the entire thing of transforming into a monster and dealing with that and how that trauma affects your psyche and your self-perception is SO INTERESTING. it's also a great metaphor in an of itself, later on as a physical reminder of the pszchological trauma as well. and ofc the whole king of scars thing is just kind of 🤷‍♀️ now. and as you mentioned, having a nichevo'ya (?) infect him is just..... less powerful then it being retribution from the darkling. it kind of takes from both their storylines and developments. alina not losing her powers (and sun summoning powers not emerging in the other people) was SUCH a disappointment. literally did not want This Kind of "girlbossification" of alina, but here we are. making her a shadow summoner was...a Choice for sure. this entire last episode was a Choice. and not a particular sensible one. ngl the inej thing is probably one of the things that makes me angriest. they have such an interesting and well-rounded character to work with and instead of exploring inej as a (main) character in her own right they choose to make her a supporting act in the kaz-brekker-show. it's just so frustrating. and yeah, wesper were quite a let-down. i get what you mean about the dynamic feeling weird. it's just not really wesper to me, you know. and, like i mentioned earlier, wylan's characterisation is so ??????? i don't understand why they even went this "smolification" route. he's a cunning little bitch and instead of leaning into that they chose to take it and throw it out the window??? another writing decision in this show i simply do not understand. like, WHY DID THEY FEEL THE NEED TO DO THAT???!! TBH WHY DID THEY FEEL THE NEED TO DO ANY THEY DID???!?! even now that i have had time to sit with the season for a bit, i am still baffled by so many choices. most of the changes they made were either boring or weird or just unnecessary, and quite frankly, make me angrier the more i think about them. their narrative decisions literally only took from the story while adding nothing of value.

[rndyounghowze]

Review 580 Beginners

Written By: Tim Crouch

Directed By: Marcie Bramucci

Presented By: Hedgerow Theatre and League Of Live Stream Theater

Have you ever looked at yearbook photos and thought “Holy Crow I was a child once!” Or have you ever looked at your kids and thought ”My word he’s going to grow up just like me” and then shuddered in fear. Beginners by Tim Crouch brings that thought to life. Directed by Marcie Bramucci at HedgerowTheatre this exploration into the birth and death of childhood premieres in the US for the very first time.

The Father Christmas of Theatre

We love plays that have a loose grip on reality. Crouch’s script keeps you guessing. Even if you had a detailed synopsis of the play next to you the whole time you would still be thinking “what the heck is going on”. Using multiple actors to play the same characters and other casting decisions drags emptions out of us.

When you toss realism aside you remove the barrier between the story and the viewer’s emotional center. It creates combinations of images (like an adult looking at a shadowy child version of themselves) for the viewer to latch onto. The audience grabs these symbols and unwrap them like kids on Christmas. Crouch peppers these little presents all throughout like the Father Christmas of Theatre.

Like A Sleep Over With Your Cousins

The novel premise of this play makes it an enticing project for directors to tackle. Bramucci kept things going at the perfect pace. Too fast and the plot would get lost. Two slow and the imagery would start to lose it’s magic. Bramucci also chose a very interesting audience/performer relationship using thrust staging (audience on three sides of the performers). It made the story more intimate like a sleepover with your cousins.

We did have times where the action got muddled.. It happened especially when the adult performers shared the stage with the young performer. We couldn’t tell if it was something lacking in Crouch’s writing Bramucci de or an occupational hazard of constantly mixing up age ranges and performers. Any director in the world would have the same struggle.Not many could have navigated it just like Bramucci did.

You Are The Message

Sometimes the questions you have about a play say a lot more about you than it does the creators. Some of the best plays in the world make you leave the theater with more questions than answers. That’s not a bad thing. We’re still wondering why Crouch picked this moment exactly in the characters’ lives to tell the story. Yet we both come from the “Dead Parents Brigade”. We both have moments when we wish we had the courage to express ourselves that we’re lost forever. We also come from a place of family trauma. So it’s perfectly valid that the presents we unwrapped from this come from that vein. We would want the characters to have “grown up” earlier so that they could have done the “right” thing at the ”right” time. You may watch this online and see something completely different.The parts we stumbled upon may bring you to happy tears. That’s the great part about how Crouch wrote Beginners. It feels like it was designed to bring the message out of you. Like life the play is not giving anything away for free.

[stackslip]

its actually good that the anime has been making me rethink himeno bc theres been more discourse around her (including some genuine poor taste ones about her and makima doing a "groom-off") and i genuinely didnt feel strogky enugh about her to really care. but with the recent ep + a quick reread of her chapters she reads as neither an angel nor as a toxic predator but rather as v similar to misato nge to me. as in like, shes someone who is very clearly deeply traumatized, who has a poor sense of boundaries in general in part bc of that trauma, and who was handed this teenage boy as a partner to eventually lose but instead he lived. it's very clear to me that while shes not what id call actively predatory, she does have some massive issuss in how she treats aki and then denji–i dont think shes been grooming aki, as grooming is a process and one that requires actual thought and planning, while himeno is like...... her romantic interest in aki is creepy but he is in his early ywenties by the time shes seriously considering courting him. and with denji its not a process either, rather a series of pisspoor decisions coupled with spcietal expectations that it isnt bad for an older woman to act inappropriately with a teenage boy.

tbc this isnt defending her or saying shes just a poor soul nlah blah quite the contrary, theres a reason i compare her to misato. your mileage can vary on what to call her or what words to use to describe her actions, but they are at the very very least deeply inappropriate and creepy. and like, its important to think of why shes like this and what her actions mean in the larger context of chainsaw man's exploration of abuse and power dynamics. she is, again, deeply traumatized and alone, and when aki shows all signs that hes going to live she puts a SHITTON on him and develops a really unhealthy relationship to him; even as a teen he seems more aware of appropriate boundaries than she is and has to learn to navigate their relationship in a far stricter manner than she does.

but its worth asking why they became partners in the first place–to question the environment of public safety. its not jsut that rookies die so easily, its that anybody can join as long as they have the will to 1) give up on their lives entirely to go adter the gun devil 2) make contracts that will cost them immensely. aki is a teen when he joins, hes lost his entire family and he's what public safety seeks–new blood, someone who'll disregard their safety for work, someone with no attachments. the buddy system is presented as being for safety reasons, but ngl i think its also to purposefully foster codependency and an active desire for vengeance when one buddy inevitably dies. public safety has tight regulations and a union and paid holidays and they are very okay with roping in vulnerable teenagers to their deaths or worse! how old was himeno when she joined? did she do it for the money for her fathers medicine? did anybody notice this backstory is revealed at the same time we learn kobeni was forced by her family to join public safety? at the same time its made clear that power and denji have absolutely no agency in this situation?

i think...... himeno is, at best, deeply irresponsible and lax on boundaries and has a real peoblem with using teenage boys as emotional crutches. at worse she assumes none of her behaviour could ever be genuinely bad because shes an older woman and theyre all colleagues, haha hoohoo, and yeah that makes her a predatory creep. shes also incredibly tragic, and its ok to admit both these things coexist in her. she's another pawn that works at public safety, a resource to be consumed, the deaths around her and her trauma the fuel to her workplace motivation. and like, it says a lot that everyone is perfectly ok with her behaviour towards denji–theres obviously the societal perceptiom of that kind of dynamic (even as himeno herself is like oh shit thats illegal aint it), but also like.... relationships there are deeply skewed on purpose because death and suffering and fucked up hookups and the exploitation of vulnerable people–including teenagers–is so normalized. like what, you gonna call your adult colleague *predatory* for flirting with the their own teenage colleague who'll probably die a gruesome death any day bc thats just part of the job? you gonna talk about how its weird for your workplace acquaintance to be so intimate with their underage buddy when you're currently working with a 15 year old who is consumed by vengeance for their family and will either die within the year or stay as a fucked up husk of a person selling their every body part to save your life?

[greensaplinggrace]

do you have any darklina fic recs?

I certainly have a few! But first I want to clarify that I don’t really read fic when I’m writing it, and since I have so many fics in the works right now, I haven’t really been reading a lot of fanfiction. So this list probably won’t be as extensive as it could be.

Here are some other great fic recommendation posts, however:

DARKLINA FIC RECS by @vicioux

DARKLINA FIC RECS // part ii by @vicioux

Darklina Ruling the World Together Fic Recs by @clubofthestarlesssaint

Tumblr Ficlets

Aleksander’s First Memory by @kestrafagnor

Fivan Talk About Darklina by @jomiddlemarch

a little light in the great, big dark by @valkyrhys

Alina tells Mal she’s with Aleksander by @lorsanbitch

Darklina week day 5: intimacy & touch by @starlesscne

AO3 Fanfiction

if it ain’t me by larry_hystereks (Incomplete - 10/13 Chapters)

alina’s in her second year at Yale when she meets aleksander at one of his frat parties.

a hookup with the potential for more, only if alina wasn’t still struggling to piece herself together from last year’s breakup.

or: alina, zoya, their trust issues, and the men that fall for them

---

I’m only at about chapter 6 of this fic currently, but so far it’s one of my all time favorite Modern AUs. The characterization for Alina and Aleksander is incredibly well done, and the entire fic itself is so feminist and queer in such a refreshing way. Aleksander and Alina are bisexual as fuck, both with their own separate complex lives, and much of Alina’s own traumas and relationships are explored outside of Aleksander.

There’s some Zoyalina, with Nikolina friendship and endgame Zoyalai. There’s some mystery and some tension, but nothing too extreme, and a lot of the fic is merely an exploration in growth and overcoming one’s history and learning how to move on in healthy ways. I love it.

She Wears a Collar (With My Name) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

She is immortal, and whatever lingering hints of humanity she may have once had have long been bleached from her heart.

I will grant you one wish, boy, if it is in my power to do so. What does a Shadow Smith most want?

"You," he answers.

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 2: Role Reversal

---

This piece is just exquisite. This author’s writing style is one that I particularly enjoy. Their stuff is always so uniquely composed and crafted, and this one especially is a work of art. The way Darklina as a relationship is portrayed in particular is fascinating to me because it’s a role reversal but it’s still so complex. Aleksander’s character is nailed.

the bright sun was extinguish’d by athousandwinds (Complete)

Somewhere, deep in the dark forests of Ravka, a boy grows up on stories of Sankta Alina of the Wastes, the Sun-Scorched Saint.

---

This fic is just straight up magnificent. It’s so engaging and I love love love the way a role reversed Aleksander who joins the army is portrayed. He reminds me so much of Demon in the Woods Aleksander, as if he’s exactly what a grown version of that young boy would be. When I say I adore his characterization in this I’m not lying.

If I wanted any completed fic I’ve read to have a second chapter, it would be this one.

Winter in the Little Palace by redisxwing (Complete)

Written for Yuletide 2020.

Baghra and Alina's wildly different perspectives on the Darkling, and how things could have gone if nobody listened to Baghra.

Warning: Baghra is written as a harsh and arguably abusive parent, and this is darkfic about that relationship, with a side of shipping. Everything is terrible (except the parts that are pretty much okay).

Canon divergence pretty much as soon as Alina gets lessons in summoning.

This fic is likely not compatible with King of Scars (or any subsequent work).

---

As is said in the summary, this one makes Baghra a bit more extreme. If you’re a fan of Baghra, this fic probably isn’t for you. But since I’m not a fan of Baghra, I had no problems with it.

My biggest praise for this fic is in regards to the character interactions and the POVs. There’s a brilliant grasp of unique perspective and how to convey it, and that talent is carried over into the way character interactions are brought to life in the text. Also, there’s a scene where Alina gets kind of protective of the Darkling, which is one of my biggest weaknesses when it comes to Darklina.

Good Ideas by FelixRivers (Complete)

Alina Starkov had a very good idea. Aleksander Morozova would definitely agree. (or: Alina wants to go camping and Aleksander won't complain)

---

This fic is just straight up adorable and hilarious. They’re such a cute couple and Alina’s POV is great. It’s just pure fluff and humor 💕

I’m not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you by SanktaJenya - @sankta-arya (Complete)

Winter had been hard on Old Baghra and Ana Kuya was worried about her, so she decided that Alina should make the trip to her cottage on the other side of the woods to bring her some food and kvas. On her way there, Alina meets a stranger...

Darklina Red Riding Hood/Company of Wolves AU

Darklina Week, Day 4, Fairytales

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This fic has a splendid grasp of tension and atmosphere. It’s very enchanting and dark and intriguing, and it nails those aspects with absolute precision. I love the style and the way the fairytale is incorporated into the narrative. It’s truly a masterpiece.

The Wretched by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“We are strangers, but I want to help.” He growls at her, mocking and mistrustful. “I understand,” she said. “You think I am one of them. I certainly look like one of them. But I want to help you. Will you let me?” Prompt: fairytale. Alina saves a dragon.

---

Okay so I’ve mentioned this one before as one of my Top 5 fics of all time and I still stand by that. I can’t even describe why I love this fic so much except that the pacing is amazing and the prose is stunning and the story is beautiful. Aleksander is a dragon and Alina is a witch, and their relationship is just so...interesting and fascinating and lovely. I would literally kill for this fic. There’s such a softness to it as well. Such a tenderness. Idk, I just really love it.

Show Me Who You Are (I Want To Know) by Ceris_Malfoy (Incomplete - 12/?)

Alina takes her future in her own hands and makes her own decisions.

---

This is a great “what if Alina had stuck around after the reveal” rewrite. It doesn’t have Mal bashing and in fact still writes them as close friends, which is something I’m fond of in Darklina fics. Aleksander is allowed to be soft and Alina is allowed to be powerful, and I really enjoyed the take on their dynamics as a power couple wherein Alina is given a lot of control.

There’s something to be said for the way Aleksander is written in the scenes where he must be honest and earnest with Alina. I really enjoy the way they both come to equal ground, and I’m even more fond of the way Alina is allowed to grow darker without losing her light. She also engages a lot with quite a few other characters, developing tons of friendships and alliances on her own that help strengthen her as an individual character.

on this bridge between starshine and clay by @rhea-imagined (Complete)

"His breath narrows for a moment, his fist clenched tight before he forces himself to loosen it. She is his only opportunity for salvation, but vulnerability is not a cape he wears easily. “In those days, there was less prejudice against Shadow Summoners. But everyone fears the dark, in one way or another.” He does not look at her as he waits for the penny to drop, half-hoping it stays suspended in the air."

In which Alexander comes clean to Alina and tells her about his true identity in hopes that this will help convince her to take down the Fold.

A rewrite of the fountain scene in episode four, with a good!Darkling that is trying to make amends.

---

This is my all-time favorite good!Aleksander AU. He’s kept in character despite the major changes made to his motivations, and Alina is given a lot more agency in her own story. It’s the first fic in what might become a series, but it can stand alone beautifully.

I love how Aleksander and Alina’s relationship is allowed to grow tense without breaking, and how it’s a clear sign of change but not abandonment. I love how both characters are able to think for themselves and become self-aware and are given the chance to think critically. I love the character interaction so much because it’s honest and fresh and engaging. Everything from the smallest action to the most off-hand thought is in character and meaningful and incorporated with an amazing style of writing. It’s a very refreshing piece, and the writing only makes it that much better.

Bunnies of a Feather Stitch Together by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Just as Alina called to the light, gathering and twisting it into a ball in her hands, the door swung open.

Kirigan blacked out the door frame. His appearance enough would have surprised Alina, but there was something clutched in his arm, something dark and floppy. It almost looked like the stuffed toys that had been passed around to the younger Orphans." - Alina and The Darkling bond over a love of soft things

---

Soft stuffed animal shenanigans. Bits of trans!Aleksander, which I’m very fond of, as well as just a lot of fluff with a bit of something bittersweet and sad in a good way.

Half Lie by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Baghra always talked of the demon that had stolen her daughter." Or, Alina learns the hard way that the Darkling isn't the only one who deals in half-truths

---

This one is trans!Aleksander, and it handles it in a very interesting way. It’s quite sad, and deals a lot with Baghra & Aleksander’s relationship through Alina’s POV. I want to give a warning for transphobia, because it does center around that a lot as the premise, but it really is worth the read if that isn’t a trigger for you. This is one of my favorite trans!Aleksander fics, and the way it handles emotion and grief and pain is quite extraordinary.

The CEO and Helioseismologist by mrthology (Complete)

Aleksander Morozova doesn't get sick. He's the CEO of one of the most successful companies in the world, one that he had built from the ground up with blood, sweat, and tears. He exercised daily (usually), maintained a healthy diet, and kept himself fit.

He wasn’t sick.

Too bad no one believed him. And too bad Genya decided to call Ivan to take him home before also calling Alina to take care of him.

Maybe, just maybe, being sick wasn't so bad. Especially not when he has such a wonderful girlfriend.

---

Both of the fics in this series are great, but I love this one in particular because I’m an absolute sucker for hurt/comfort. Anyone who’s been on my blog for a while knows that it’s my all time favorite trope to read, and this fic fits the hurt/comfort trope to a T in the best of ways. It’s very tender and in character, and Aleksander and Alina are so soft with each other. It’s adorable and really makes you feel for Aleksander, and the caretaking is done perfectly.

All the different layers of dark (thousand little suns) by Anuna (Complete)

One month after the Winter Fete, Aleksander returns to the Little Palace, and Alina has been missing him.

Or

Episode five canon divergence in which Alina had never left Os Alta.

---

This one is soft emotional hurt/comfort smut. They’re both so open and vulnerable with each other, and it’s so beautiful to read. I love the writing style and the emotion in this one. It makes my heart ache in the best way.

An Honourable Man by liviy695 (Complete)

A reimagining of the scene after the winter fete. Alina catches a glimpse of a caring Darkling after he returns from integrating the Conductor. Plus, no Baghra interference.

---

This one is what it says on the tin, in that Baghra doesn’t interfere and they’re allowed to talk after the Darkling interrogates the Conductor. But more than that, it’s a great imagining of how a scene where Aleksander reveals Marie’s death would have gone. There’s a sort of quiet to it that I appreciate, with grief and solemnity weighed against care and vulnerability.

I see the real you (even if you don’t, I do) by Anonymous (Incomplete - 8/?)

A series of questionable decisions lead Alina to meet the Black General a bit earlier. Butterfly effect ensues.

---

I’ve only read half so far (I hadn’t realized it had updated!! 👀👀) but I’m already in love with this fic. Alina’s dialogue and perspective is perfect, her relationship with Mal and the other cartographers is great, and I really enjoy how much personality she has. Aleksander is so smitten, but more than that, his characterization is soft but not weak. It feels almost as if he’s swept up by Alina, instead of the other way around, and I quite like that.

Of parenting by Anuna (Complete)

Alina finds out how her husband handled yet another parenting situation.

---

This is pure adorable Darklina parenting fluff and I live for it. Yet it doesn’t lack depth and in fact explored Alina and Aleksander’s relationship with parenting quite well.

i have a longing by LRCee - @ladylyannastark (Complete)

“So, Alina Starkov, risk-taker, how did you end up being editing’s newest wunderkind?”

Alina Starkov is rising in the publishing world. Singlehandedly responsible for editing (see: rewriting) the hottest book of the year, she lands a coveted spot at Morovoz Publishers. It's the position she's always wanted, at the biggest publishing house in the country. Life is perfect. That crush on her boss though, that's gotta go.

---

OKAY! I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH!! Let me tell you, as someone who is not too fond of Boss/Employee dynamics, I was very wary going into this fic. But boy did it deliver in a way that was perfect for me.

The relationship that develops between Aleksander and Alina is complex but healthy, and it never feels as if there’s too much of a power imbalance or anything that would make Alina feel forced or unhappy. The tension lies purely in how she fears others will perceive her, and not in how unhealthy her relationship with Aleksander is. For somebody who’s often attracted to unhealthy ships, I have to say that my favorite fics are usually ones that don’t have that type of dynamic between the characters. This fic delivers on that.

Also, Aleksander’s POV surrounding his struggle with his Russian heritage and his feelings for Alina is amazing, and has some of the best writing and characterization I’ve seen.

You receive: an evil demon; I receive: human souls by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

The next morning while she tried to tell herself it was a dream, that of course there wasn’t a fucking demon in her house, she found a note taped to her fridge.

“You might eat this shit,” it had written, “but I would like some fucking souls please.”

Darkling Week Prompt 7: free choice. Alina has a demon in her house.

This is absolute crack, and I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me.

---

May I just say that this is the most fun I’ve ever had when reading a fic. It’s interesting with a bit of mystery, and Aleksander as a little shit of a demon is hilarious. Alina in this fic is great too. It’s such a unique take on her POV, especially when you reread it after knowing the ending. 10000/10, this fic is brilliant in every way and I love it.

I had been lost to you, Sunlight by BrytteMystere (Complete)

A Girl became a Woman, became a Sankta, became a Goddess.

Or: An Immortal Alina calls upon merzost to reunite with the Prince of Shadows she lost long ago. She may have lost herself in the process.

But then again, maybe time and endless wars did that instead.

---

You really just have to read this one to get it. It is utterly haunting and fascinating in the best of ways. The writing style is strange and novel and fits so well with the story being told. The composition of the fic as a whole is genius.

I Look Inside Myself (And See My Heart Is Black) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"When is a monster not a monster? Why, when you love it, of course."

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 6: Favorite Quote • King & Queen • Monster

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Once more, this author comes through with an absolutely breathtaking writing style and story. The imagery is elegant yet brutal, simultaneously horrifying and glorious. There’s a certain way these stories are written, like fairytales, where the beautiful becomes the macabre and becomes ever more stunning because of it. It’s very dark but in a good way - an almost bewitching way.

Afterlife by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“You are asking me to leave?”

“Not asking, shadow,” she said. “Telling. Time to get unlost, loser.”

Day 3 Darklina Week prompt: Modern AU (I mean, barely)

Alina expels ghosts from purgatory.

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@aceofnowhere once again bringing the best of the paranormal to the Grishaverse. Literally everything you write is amazing idk why I’m even pointing out individual fics when I could just rec your whole page. But anyways!! This is fun and interesting and Alina is a badass. Aleksander is, of course, compelling and dark and kind of a little shit, and it’s all incorporated seamlessly into an existential paranormal narrative.

Once Upon a Shooting Star by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"But most of all, she was drawn to a vast darkness that reached out above all of them, a void so hungry for companionship that she knew she could fulfill."

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Let. Alina. Be. Feral!! Anyways, I clearly have a type when it comes to storytelling, and it’s whatever the fuck this person has got going on. Feral!Star!Alina is literally the light of my life. Her interactions with not only other people but the world in general are so well done, but my favorite parts about this fic are the numerous ways her relationship with Aleksander is described and depicted.

I love the dark and light imagery, especially with how it’s portrayed as them filling in the gaps of each other’s lives and supporting each other instead of trying to block each other out. There’s such clear passion and joy and love and devotion between them. The central focus of this fic is on her and Aleksander’s relationship, the interplay between them and their powers and the way her light fills his loneliness, the passing of adoration and trust and reliance between them. It’s very beautiful and I love it.

A Blaze of Light by Keira_63 (Complete)

They discover the Sun Summoner in the burnt-out remains of the Shu laboratory in which she has spent the last seven years of her life.

Or, the Darkling finds himself with a Sun Summoner whose greatest wish is to burn Shu Han to the ground. He is happy to oblige her.

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👀👀 Badass Alina and Badass Aleksander. The ultimate power couple, and Alina burning a path through Shu Han before they both burn a path through the world together. The darkness and rage in this one are handled very well, and the way that rage turns to coldness and then resolve is done so well. This fic is very cathartic and also very furious, and reading it is certainly a trip down emotion lane.

One more for the Road by Rist (Complete)

He returns to the war room shaken, and finds an Alina that cannot leave without at least having tried.

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This one hurts so much but its soooo gooood!!! Very smutty but also very tender and very bittersweet. Sad and soft all at once. I just... love the way Alina and Aleksander are written so much, and Alina’s complicated feelings for him are explored in such detail and depth. This one is truly worth the read.

[letteredlettered]

Do you have any complaints about HP canon, and if so, what are they? For example I know a lot of people really dont like that Draco didnt get a redemption arc, but your work seems to really thrive off of a close reading of canon Draco in a way I think a lot of fanfic just cant because hes like... a very bad person. Its made me wonder if you are very... canon positive? I guess? Or more positive than most, maybe.

I have too many complaints about HP canon to list in an ask, but I can try to list some of them. First I want to say that choosing to use canon to inform your fic has less to do with whether or not you like the canon and more to do with what you like or want from fanfic. If you don’t like that Draco wasn’t redeemed, you can write a fic that posits he is redeemed and so that canon doesn’t have to be dealt with. Or, you can write a fic that shows how he gets redeemed or deals with the fact of his redemption to show what canon could have been. I obviously prefer the latter style, though I respect anyone’s choice to write in the former style. I can’t say I always understand the former style, but I respect the fact that people want to do it and should if that’s what they want.

I will say that I’m not sure I’ve ever written a fic that’s fully canon compliant, and I can’t quite imagine wanting to. Most of my fics a response to canon--they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, that I wish was in canon; or they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, and I don’t want to be in canon, but I still want to be explored. I wish the MCU would actually deal with the responsibility of wielding outsized power of destruction, so I wrote MCU fics. I do not want Schitt’s Creek to deal with the darkness of David Rose’s trauma or past, but I was still interested in it, so I wrote darker SC fic. I love Star Trek TOS, but I want to see Kirk and Spock hook up, so I wrote TOS fic.

There are a few things where I like the canon just the way it is, so I don’t write fic for it. Rainbow Rowell’s Carry On series is just what I want. I don’t need to write fic.

Back to my complaints with HP canon, the major problem I had was a lot of set up without the follow-through I expected or desired. I discussed that in my tumblr posts about Ron and Ginny. The set up of the Harry Potter universe is rather black and white, which I appreciate--it’s easy to get invested; it’s easy to consume. You know who the good guys are right away, and there’s no more complication. LOTR is rather like that, and I love it. But then HP begins to deconstruct its premise--James Potter was good, but he wasn’t kind. Dumbledore was trying to stop Voldemort, but he wasn’t honest. Snape is a horrible person, but he’s trying to do the right thing. This is my favorite sort of story, the one that starts black and white--vampires are evil; the robots will kill us, and the Gems that didn’t rebel are the enemy. Then a vampire earns his soul, or you find out you’re a robot, or--well, actually I didn’t like where Stephen Universe really went with that, but you get the picture. The Harry Potter series began the process of turning its own premise inside out, but somewhere in Halfblood Prince, that got too hard, and things began to snap back to their original shape. Good is good, actually, and bad people will always be bad.

One example of this is the death of Voldemort. Harry is set up as a mirror to Voldemort. Their pasts are very similar. Harry even feels compassion for Voldemort. At several different points, Harry is faced with the fact that he has to kill Voldemort. But Harry never has to deal with killing Voldemort, or with making a decision to spare Voldemort. In the end, Voldemort causes his own end as a result of his own destructive tendencies. This makes me feel that the text is suggesting that Voldemort deserves death. The idea that anyone “deserves” death for bad things they’ve done is not something I believe in or ascribe to. But even if it is the argument the text wants to make--what was the point of showing us that Tom Riddle was lonely, hurt, feared, and probably mistreated? The point really appears to be to show that two boys can have the same background and one turns out good while the other turns out bad, because goodness is inherent to some people while evil is inherent to others. I find this conclusion abhorrent, but I feel the conclusion is ultimately borne out by plenty of other aspects of the HP books.

The other example is Draco’s lack of redemption. I do not think villains have to be redeemed. The world has proven that shitty people can remain shitty. I also appreciate stories that show us the humanity of shitty people. A story about someone who is faced with thier bad choices but continues to make bad choices because they’re too afraid to do otherwise can be a good story. But I guess with Draco, I felt like I saw enough of his inner turmoil to understand why his heart would change, but not a thorough explanation of why it wouldn’t. Combined with many other similar characterizations in HP canon, it just feels like more essentialism--bad people are bad, and that’s how it is. I don’t mean there’s no nuance--as I said, the series does begin to deconstruct its own premise; we even saw how the Trio could be shitty. But ultimately they make the right choices. The characters who make the wrong choices generally continue to make them, except for Snape and Dudley. My complaint with those two representing a change of heart is that we don’t get to see the actual painful process of what that looks like--Snape’s happens pre-canon and there is too little of Dudley to show what is going on in Dudley’s brain.

The last thing I absolutely hate about HP is a lot of the “bad” characters tend to be overweight or unappealing in appearance. It’s true that a lot of this might be Harry’s POV--maybe Snape actually is the sex god some fics make him out to be, and Harry just he’s greasy because he doesn’t like him, and maybe Harry doesn’t like a good hook nose (I do). Additionally, Lockhart is very pretty, and while I want to firmly stress that Draco is never describes as good-looking, he’s not really described as ugly, and I believe Narcissa is even described as beautiful. But the book isn’t written in close third-person Harry POV, and “pointy” isn’t very flattering. Unkind words and stereotypes are used throughout to highlight the badness or evil of almost all the characters we’re not “supposed to” like. The descriptions of the Dursleys in particular are upsetting.

In my opinion, the  above examples demonstrate a lack of compassion at the heart of the HP story. That’s what I’ve always hated about it and what always made me want to write about it. I want to write and say, “Look at this. This is fucked up. This is wrong.” Some people don’t read fic for that reason, and I think that’s fine. Plenty of those people really hate my fic, which is also fine. I know that many things in this world lack compassion, and I don’t spend years of my life writing fanfic about them. I think the reason I keep coming back is to me, the premise was unkind--which I was fine with, and then the text itself began to deconstruct itself--which I was overjoyed by. It made me fall in love with the series. But when the premise snapped back to an essentially black and white world, I felt betrayed.

In conclusion, I find HP at its very essence to be unkind. Ursula K Le Guin said it best when she said that it was “ethically rather mean-spirited.”

[mintchochipkookie]

hiii so I know your post about how ridiculous the growing number of anti-zuko takes are was from months ago, but I somehow ran into a lot of them the other day and your post was a very necessary palette cleanser so. first of all thank you for that!! though you did mention that there’s 2 instances where you don’t think zuko’s particularly well-written, and I’m really curious as to what those are if you’d like to share

Ah, thank you Anon, that's so nice to hear. I get irrationally worked up when I see bad Zuko and Toph takes so that rant kinda just got away from me hahah

And yes, there are only 2 things I would rewrite about Zuko's entire arc. The first is a minor scene from the finale that quite frankly, didn’t need to be there at all? I think it was Br*ke’s attempt at humour and it makes me want to pull my hair out because the logic of writing that scene is beyond me. When they’re looking for Aang, Toph is talking about her relationship with her parents (or lack thereof) and Zuko just makes a face and basically tells her to shut up?????????? Have these men watched their own show I’m so–

Literally in the previous episode Toph and Zuko have a heart to heart about Iroh’s love for him, but suddenly let’s play Toph’s trauma up for laughs I’m actually getting so heated rn lmao. The overdramatic violins playing while she talks and the offhanded “worst field trip ever” while Zuko walks away, wow such writing much wow. How many decisions were made to write, animate, and include that in the final cut, and what did it add to the story? Jackshit, and it’s very uncharacteristic for Zuko, who has been nothing but empathetic and caring for a season and a half, so go figure.

The second one. sigh. I don’t even want to talk about it because someone will def jump on the bullshit narrative of me being a dumb salty ZK shipper. So I’m gonna give yet another disclaimer for this fandom. I’ve answered plenty of asks about this in the past too, and I’ve made it very clear that my feelings about the canon ships (and certain characters) were not affected by my love for Zutara, rather it was the other way round. While watching the show I certainly thought that there was a lot in the writing that implied Zutara, it wasn’t until I sat with the show for a couple of weeks that I realised actually really love the ship. I was angry at the end kisses and stand by the fact that no one should’ve kissed and coupled up, but the fact that it was those two…guys I just. Who allowed these men to write for television I’m crying.

Anyone who’s been here a while knows that I’m not much of a shipper and I’ve never shipped a non-canon ship before because I’m not one of those people who goes out of their way to find hidden romantic subtext between two characters who so much as exist in the same space. I’d much rather explore other relationship dynamics, and tend to get quite bored by romance in general.

So yeah, I stand by the fact that the two canon couples are completely antithetical to the show’s message, and ultimately Br*ke’s fixation on the other one is what led to the show’s end and their protagonist being absolute trash. Talking specifically about Ma/iko tho. Like. The whole point of making them date at the start of S3 was to show us how Zuko doesn’t fit into that life anymore and how it brings out the worst in him???? It was to show us how much he’s changed and how M/ai represents the core FN imperialistic ideologies and how Zuko disagrees with it on a fundamental level???????????? She literally calls him a traitor for defecting, like what. And then suddenly “she loves him more than she fears Azula” (oh lordy I could go on for hours about how that was another completely fucking wasted opportunity to explore an interesting dynamic between the FN girls. And also how that line makes no sense for Mai, and if anyone was scared of Azula, it was Ty Lee but oh well). And then cut to the end scene and they’re making out again without having addressed any of the actual issues in their relationship??? Cool. I hate it here. Reach for your dreams kids, cuz if these men can be successful “writers”, you can do anything!!!!

[devitalise]

IMO so diligent with the end-of-month wrap up already in my inbox sheesh!! 💌💨 will answer asap BUT b4 I forget myself/make u have to wait long on my behalf - ur October roundup plzzzzz & did u watch good (or bad) horror movies? 🧟‍♀️🎞️

CAS 🤭😁 yes it’s my favourite part of the month 🥰 this was very book heavy this month i think because i gave myself parameters to read within. black history month means black authors and i already owned quite a few

october wrap up

harlem shuffle by colson whitehead

i wanted to love this book so much it’d been on my radar for over a year but it just missed the mark for me. i think harlem felt so alive and real, but this really suffered from poor writing choices. i can absolutely do a book told on dual timelines and changing tenses, but the way it went from present to past was just so confusing. slippery pov’s that weren’t consistent. janky sentence structure ruined the flow. the lead character has no evolution of thoughts and feelings, and still thinks of himself the same throughout the book which i don’t get as an intentional writing thing, but a poor characterisation thing. found a great playlist for it though

if beale street could talk by james baldwin

i’m sold on james baldwin. this book is phenomenal. again in harlem (completely unintentional!) there’s something so beautiful in the sadness of this book.

honey & spice by bolu babalola

i’m too old for this book. mind you, i’m 23 and a romance enjoyer. the only positive i have for this is the fluidness of the dialogue between kiki and kai. everything else, however, i had major problems with. the pop culture references really dated this book, if i didn’t already know the author was 30, i’d know for sure reading this. very cringe and not very convincing as a romance. way too over descriptive and the racism subplot was so jarring

open water by caleb azumah nelson

i haven’t reread a book since i read jacqueline wilson as a child. but it was so necessary to beat the literary snob allegations. just as, if not more empowering the second time round. such an all encompassing read that reads like poetry without the pretentiousness. one of my favourite books for sure

memphis by tara m. stringfellow

i’ve only ever read generational sagas, but i do think this was able to do something interesting in the 300 pages. i personally enjoy going into books blind but would say check triggers. it’s not amazingly written, but the story and what the author had to say on women in the family and women as a community made up for it.

queenie by candice carty-williams

i didn’t think i’d like this book going off how it’s spoken about. this is what all the other annoying 20something in the city making poor decision books have tried to do and missed the mark. the main reason for that is because there are actually people in queenie’s life supporting her and most importantly, liking her. i liked it a lot more because her being from a black british jamaican background is very real to me, personally.

the death of vivek oji by akwaeke emezi

i need more people to be upfront about the incest in this book when recommending. to withhold that information is in very bad faith, but i’ve read it after having it on my list for close to a year. it is as good as the tiktok girlies say, actually. the author has a real talent there’s something so compelling and immersive in both the setting, the characters, the way grief is written and gender identity explored. i am going to read pet after this and maybe freshwater

how the one armed sister sweeps her house by cherie jones

i started this back in may and had to put it down because it was just SO triggering and hard to read, but i’m so, so glad i came back to it. it’s grotesque, gruesome, an unflinching look at trauma and abuse, but is still a commendable account of barbados in the 70s. it’s definitely not for everyone, but this is genuinely a phenomenal book well worth the read to me, personally

the dangers of smoking in bed by mariana enriquez

not a black author. i was on the coach back from gatwick airport and only had like 4 books downloaded to pick from. so i chose a horror book for the season. didn’t like this at all really. i’ve only read one other short story anthology and i didn’t really like that either, but i don’t think one book is enough to write off a sub genre. two is, though. some of the stories were ok i guess but they averaged like 15 pages each sorry i just don’t think anything can be of any substance of that length, and they weren’t! they weren’t really very scary, and a few just relied entirely on gory/taboo subjects to make up for cheap endings and were quite boring otherwise

movies

i’ve watched a decent amount of horror movies this month i think. i’ve done the first two final destinations, cruel intentions, drop dead gorgeous, paranormal activity. i was going to take a chance on the new ryan murphy thing but as soon as i saw based on a true story i was like no! i don’t do true crime it’s weird i think it’s a perverse interest to have. i’m on season 3 of true blood and i might watch one of the scream movies tonight i’m not sure

this has been a novel and a half i’m currently at 189 books read so i could push for 200 by the end of the year. now that i’m back home i can switch back to physical books for a lil bit before i go away for a week for work in november. no specific reading goals/ideas of what i want to read we’re switching back to vibes