#it can’t be easy to have come out again to an even bigger audience

[littlelesbianintern]

reneé rapp loudly calling herself a lesbian means so much to me. like it’s so often that ‘lesbian’ is treated like a dirty word that should be avoided at all costs and replaced with queer/gay (which is perfectly fine if that’s what fits best for you) but hearing someone so openly use the term lesbian is so heartwarming

[oobbbear]

Hi!!!!!!

I really love your art and I was wondering if you had any art tips?

I'm pretty good at drawing realistically, but I struggle with more stylized or cartoon-y stuff...

Here I’m going to talk about the two, in my opinion, the most important aspects of stylization is: ‘Simplification’ and ‘Exaggeration’

First, simplification,

I took this picture of a man holding a hammer, if you just look the silhouette, it is very complicated the pose is stiff

Try summarize the pose with only two simple lines, one representing the head, torso and the leg, the other representing the arms. This is the line of action. Now you got the two lines, play around with it try make it flow better. (Google ‘line of action’ you can find a lot more better examples)

The next step is to simplify the previous drawing throw away all the bumps and little details, take what you think is the most important and draw it based off the line of action you just acquired. this step might take a lot of practices so look at tutorials and draw a lot you’ll get there (Go on YouTube and search ‘life drawing tutorial’ they teach this step really well)

This is how you simplify a complicated pose! I’ll talk about how to simplify character after the next point

Second is exaggeration

I’m using the same photo here again blocking the person black so we can see the silhouette clear. This time we’re not finding the line of action, we’re reducing this person into a simple shape, to me, he looks like a rectangle.

great, now we try drawing this man with only rectangles

After blocking out the simple rectangles, exaggerate them, make the big ones even bigger, the small ones even tinnier.

Make the main focus of the drawing clear and easy to see, the audience needs to be immediately on that thing the moment this drawing shows up! What’s the focus point of the drawing? The hammer, it’s too small for one to find so let’s exaggerate it make it huge.

Tada, now you have a clear and cartoony silhouette, the rest you can fill in however you like

To cartoonify a character is easy, similar to how you cartoonify poses, you take out the little details and leave what you think is the most important, the things that makes the character unique, and exaggerate them

((Here I’m using a genshin character because their character designs are known for being a hell to animate (genshin fans don’t come for my ass this is only for educational purposes))))

I’m… not the best at explaining things so if you can’t understand any of these please let me know!!!!!!!!!!

[afwfan]

Let’s begin, shall we?

On paper the rules for tonight are quite straight forward. Lilith has been providing entertainment to her audience for some time now and is keenly aware that true success is in the details.

This is a 60-minute ironwoman match, submissions only, and Lilith knows that when she promises this, her audience is expecting a 60-minute match, and if these two women go all out then the first one to lock on may well be the end of the affair where her opponent can’t use her arm or stand unassisted.

No hairpulling. No biting. No gouging. Easy enough?

No kicks, punches, or slaps. No elbows or knees. A cross body off the ropes is ok, but no jumping off the top rope and no drop kicks. Basically, no part of your hands, elbows, knees, shins, or feet can touch your opponent unless they are part of something to hold, squeeze, or twist.

Throws and slams are perfectly ok – but only onto your opponent’s back and only onto the mats. So, no picking someone up and dropping them on your knee, the turnbuckles, or the ropes.

And this is the important part. Yes, it’s expected to be competitive, but… If you know you’ve been caught there’s a hand signal. Touch your opponent twice with a free hand or kick the mat twice with a free foot. Now we work. The wrestler that’s caught needs to let the world know they are suffering. They don’t need to scream; in fact, it’s preferred that they do not – the crowd isn’t that big nor is it that noisy. Just make sure the audience can see your pain, take your time… And then tap out.

“What if she doesn’t know I’ve caught her?”

Then apply more pressure, slowly, until she does. One thing must be perfectly clear – you both need to be professionals and you both need to be smart enough to protect yourselves. And if either of you gets hurt, I’ll be watching. If the person to blame is the one who came on too hard and fast, you’re done here. If the person to blame is the idiot who doesn’t surrender, then it’s on you.

“What about a strangle or choke?”

Lilith pauses for a moment….

You could just follow the same as above, tap twice then sell. You could tap out/surrender properly, or you could even sell going to sleep.

“And if she doesn’t tap twice to begin with?”

Then apply more pressure and if, between the two of you, the decision is that someone is going to tap or go to sleep… Lilith decides she’s ok with that.

It’s almost the full hour now, and the score is tied at three falls apiece. Both women have put on a show and Lilith is happy with the audience engagement and response while trying to figure out how long before she sets up one of these matches again.

The smaller wrestler has deceptive strength and has already lifted and slammed her larger opponent at whim. Both women are near exhaustion, surely the size difference must be a significant advantage by now? Not so much it seems as the larger grappler is lifted off her feet for a hip toss. The smaller wrestler very literally “hops” into the air, twists suddenly, and crashes her opponent flat on their back, coming down on top to crush her ribs into the bigger woman’s solar plexus.

Stunned and gasping for air, it takes a moment for Bexy to get back to her feet. Looking around the spotlights beaming into the centre of the ring make it even harder for her to see her tormentor, and then Bexy realises Teah isn’t to be seen?

That’s because Teah is standing directly behind her…

The sleeper hold is clamped on like nothing less than a lover’s embrace. There’s no pain. Teah’s bicep is squeezing against one side of Bexy’s neck and the flat of her forearm is against the other. The expressions on Bexy’s face convey the rest. Surprise. Concern. Realisation…

Lilith knew that Bexy was both competitive and expecting to win tonight. The draw would have been bad enough, but with the clock ticking down she is moments away from a 4-3 loss. That’s probably why she didn’t tap twice. Teah just squeezed harder.

Lilith is ok with that.

The final bell rings, seconds too late… For Bexy that is.

4-3 for Teah on the night. And the crowd is most impressed indeed.

[podracerbarrelroll]

One of the things that gets me about Interview with the Vampire is Anne Rice’s take on the downside of immortality. I’m especially thinking about this after reading Dracula Daily, currently reading Carmilla Weekly, and considering other vampire media. The vampire should both horrify and fascinate you, and so there should be enough of a tradeoff between a normal, human life and vampirism to make you question if you’d really want that immortality if it was offered to you.

I say if you could choose to be any type of vampire, you’d want to be a Twilight vampire. It’s literally impossible for a human to kill one. Sure, you maybe can’t go out in daylight all the time because your skin sparkles, but that doesn’t mean you can never see the sun again. You’re also fast enough to catch and kill any human unlucky enough to see you out in the middle of the woods or wherever you risked going out during the day. And as long as word doesn’t get out, the Volturi won’t come after you. Twilight also goes very easy on the obvious drawback of watching everyone you love get old and die. I don’t remember the backstory of every single Cullen, but Edward was dying, Alice literally has no memory of her previous life, and Rosalie was brutalized and left for dead by her fiance. They had no life to go back to. Bella might lose her parents eventually, but children ideally should be the ones to outlive their parents. She didn’t have any other close relatives or friends. In giving up her human life, she gets to marry someone she loves and a new family. They can also live just fine on animal blood, so you don’t have to deal with the moral implications of killing humans. And you get your own superpower! Twilight vampires don’t even have to sleep.

Compare this to earlier vampire stories. The vampires in Dracula and Carmilla lose their connection to God--which was a much bigger deal to the Irishmen writing these stories in the late 1800s than it is to a modern audience. Dracula vampires also lose their humanity and have the significant weakness of needing to return to their coffin to sleep during the day and being vulnerable while doing so. They also can be warded off by garlic and have their sanctuaries destroyed by Eucharist wafers. Dracula couldn’t even move his own coffins--he had to pay other people to do it for him, and that meant he had to leave very quickly when the poly band started destroying them. Carmilla/Mircalla/Millarca is restricted by only being able to use different spellings of her name. Her eating habits raise suspicion in any area she stays in for too long, with so many people dying of a strange “fever”, and she also has trouble going out in the daylight. 

Buffy vampires lose their souls, burn up dramatically in sunlight, and have a vampire slayer (or, by the end of the series, many vampire slayers) gunning for them. Most of the vampires in From Dusk Till Dawn are stuck in an eternal position of slavery or servitude and also burn up in the sunlight, essentially forced into a new society where they have very little power and any disobedience would be punished by death. Vampires in Supernatural can survive sunlight, even if it hurts, but they have hunters to contend with, many of which won’t hesitate to cut their heads off even if they stick to animal blood and mind their own business. Increased speed and strength and eternal life might be nice, but you either become an evil, blood-hunting animal or you get to spend that eternity living in fear.

The drawbacks of vampirism per Interview with the Vampire differ a little between the book and the 1994 movie, and a lot between both of those and the 2022 television series. In the book, and save one scene in the movie where Claudia gets out of her coffin during the day to join Louis in his, Anne Rice’s vampires literally cannot be awake during the day. As they age, sunlight does lose its power over them as Armand says in the series, but they cannot be awake to experience it. New vampires are burnt to ash by the sun, older vampires are only burned by it, and the oldest and most powerful can sleep in the sun all day and come out with a nice tan. The movie does a good job of showing this with Louis, holding his lantern close to the waters of the Mediterranean at night because he wants to see it as blue as he’s always heard about. But his light isn’t enough, and the water stays black. It’s a significant drawback of vampirism that the show loses: the sun may eventually lose its ability to hurt you, but you will never experience sunlight or what the world looks like in the daytime again.

One thing the Interview with the Vampire series does keep and did do well with in the first season is showing how vampires are incapable of change. Not only that their bodies are the same forever and that Claudia will never grow up, but that they have essentially lost the human ability to grow and change as people. In the book/movie, Louis was in his early twenties and had already lost his brother (book) or wife and buried his newborn child (movie). Alone in the world save for the slaves he owned at his plantation--who rightfully hated him. He wanted to die, and Lestat jumped him and gave him what he wanted, but he also preserved Louis like that forever. He is and always will be suicidally depressed--he is both dead and wanting to die, existing in limbo. In the series, Louis will always be exactly who he was when Louis turned him. Alienated from his family, but feeling an obligation to support them. Hating the life he leads and the way he earns his money while also viciously defending it. Paying someone to sit in a room and listen to him talk, whether that person is a prostitute or reporter. Louis is stuck as who he was in his weakest moment, when he gave into Lestat, which is why he will always give into Lestat, which is why, after more than a century, he is still whining!

It’s also why aging up the reporter is a great move, because over the course of fifty years, Daniel went from a young addict to a world-renowned reporter, from an idealistic idiot to a cynical asshole. This means he’s done the one thing Louis can’t (besides go out in sunlight): he’s grown and changed as a person. That’s why Louis is fascinated by him, and why he called him decades later to complete their interview. It also calls into question if you, the viewer, would want the “dark gift” Louis offers him. Twenty-year-old Daniel, like most people that age, had no idea how much life can change you, and had no idea what he might be losing to ask for Louis to turn him at that age. Seventy-year-old Daniel knows very well what he would have lost and what he still very well might lose by letting Louis turn him, even as Parkinson’s slowly starts to take its toll on his body. Would you want to live as who you are right now, forever? Do you like who you are enough that you would give up your ability to change, to know who you might become? Would you always want to be that person who, when the vampire bared his teeth and made his offer, gave into a moment of weakness and said yes?

[braintapes]

I don’t wanna leave a whole wall of text in the tags of that post but I think something that people also forget, because it’s incredibly easy to forget this, is the fact that there’s likely a lot more people enjoying your art than you, the artist, will ever truly know, in ways that are equally impossible to know about.

I’m still in the middle of organizing my downloaded blog archive. Every time I see artwork that really inspires me or I just think is cool and want to come back to appreciate it later, I copy it to a separate ‘Amazing Art’ folder with the username and title/caption of the work. Right now, I have over 1,100 images saved in that folder, and I’m not even HALFWAY through my blog archive.

I’ve saved art that’s gotten thousands of notes. Some only a few hundred. Some still, maybe in the low double-digits. Art that only ever got maybe 4 notes at best since it was posted almost a decade ago. I’ve saved art from users that have been inactive for years, who have de-activated or changed handles, from people that have gone on to do much bigger and better things or altogether different things, and who probably don’t even think about the piece I saved anymore.

I reblogged and liked those art pieces years ago. Some I reblogged multiple times, plenty I liked. Some I saved to drafts, never publicly reblogging. But I still have them saved. I still love them, still admire them, still adore looking at those works of art. Paintings, sketches, pixel arts, photos....I have them saved on my computer, and any time I want I can just go and look at them again and fall in love again and again!

The artists don’t know this. They couldn’t possibly know how much their works inspired me back then and continue to inspire me now. They can’t know how much I gush in my head, analysing all the little details, wondering about their processes. For all they know, their art got maybe a dozen notes and was forgotten about. But it wasn’t.

It’s so easy to forget this. To think the things you post won’t leave an impact on people, that it’ll all just float by in the digital sea. But people do see your work, they do remember, they do love it. Your work genuinely truly inspired somebody out there, meant the world to someone out there, even if they never even liked or reblogged it! I guarantee this, because I’m constantly falling in love with art I see online, even if I can’t or don’t engage with it on a platform level.

I completely understand the desire for reblogs over likes. I can’t begrudge anyone for feeling that way, but I think...it’s so easy to get caught up in that being the only meaningful way people can engage with your work that it can hurt when you don’t see results.

If you catch yourself feeling down about it, try to remind yourself that 1) You made something!!! You created something and it’s beautiful because you expressed yourself! and 2) Someone else saw it, and even if they didn’t like/reblog, it probably means a lot to that person. There’s an invisible audience out there that loves what you create even if they never voice themselves

[edge-oftheworld]

we started in this little town, or maybe it was my parents’ house. maybe it was a school. either way we knew we needed to leave, move away from the predictability and the controlled routine. we daydreamed about getting away. getting away together, or making it out but leaving our loved ones behind. we were conflicted even then.

the black and white town became our muse, this town that never existed but was a place to us, an experience of an area that was caught up in our perceptions, a shared headspace we didn’t understand back then when the outskirts of a messy megacity down under didn’t meet our needs and we had no words to explain why. just a restlessness for something more. for the high of meeting people out of our league and wearing name brands we’d never been able to afford before. it’s easy to promote body positivity when you’re doing it in American Apparel underwear and not hand me downs from Best and Less. we were loved and we were wanted and it felt like a fever dream but it felt like being alive for the first time ever. and who were we to complain? we’d achieved more than we ever dreamed of.

but the self doubt crept in, and the other side of the optimism of ‘she’s just a little bit older, but I want to get to know her’ was the memories of ‘she’s 17, I told her I’m 20, I can’t take her out cause Mum’s got no money’ and ‘I’m not being me’ but how can I when I never got to learn who that is? when I stepped into this role, the role of a lifetime, but being a star doesn’t negate the times my teacher told me I’m mentally disabled, so unstable, so I stayed in bed all day. but at least I’m not alone. just like we did back then, we told each other it’s going to be okay. we repeated it again and again and maybe we believed it sometimes, or maybe it lost its meaning and instead became another piece of confusion because we had everything, why wouldn’t it be okay? we did something about it. we called it the new broken scene. the album was finished in 8 weeks.

desperation came from many different angles. when we used to long for freedom and opportunity we now long for rest. it’s still longing for freedom. it’s still the same escapism but don’t you remember? we’re young. we’ve gotta stay optimistic. it’ll be okay. we told the rest of the world that. we look back on the encouragement we got then when it reached its audience and we got to share in the feeling with them and in giving them hope, we got to cultivate a little coming back. it was a lifeline, but people don’t like lifelines when they’re a reminder people need them. a reminder things get hard and messy and this is the era of bubblegum pop, we don’t acknowledge that around here. try to step away from that, away from the pressures to stay innocent and untainted and be your perfect fantasy and suddenly we’re the assholes. but maybe we are, maybe we have been all along.

we’re tired and looking for something bigger that’s going to give us the edge. restless for change like we always are. we’ve seen suffering now, we thought we knew it before, but we definitely do now and it’s terrifying. we hold onto each other a little tighter as a result. could we take this emotion and turn it into song? could we sanitise it, with a badboy party lens, that same desperation and angst and the tiredness that tips right into a self destructive overenergetic party vibe like a toddler kept up past its bedtime, if household toys were replaced with cigarettes and alcohol. the sugar coated pain. turning triple time into four. we turn heartbreak into a phenomenal live show. we make it. we’ve found our feet. we’re tired. too tired to know what calm means.

so that’s what we name our album, as we collaborate with the biggest and the best. self deprecation kicks in in different ways, and hopefully it doesn’t drive us apart. our homeland is burning down when we’re so far away. if we fly in a plane to sing at a show and raise money for its relief, are we part of the problem that caused it? tired of travel. just want to go home. which one? tired of trying, of doing everything they say will make us feel better without taking away our authenticity and creativity. maybe something needs to give. it’s tiring seeing your loved ones suffer. and so the angst makes its way out in industrial beats. prime targets for an orchestral or acoustic rearrangement. we do neither. a kaleidoscope of too many bright lights made us colourblind. it’s there, collectively, in our minds—which mirrored section is the fragment of a life that’s real?

we’ve all got stories to tell, and maybe some time apart will help us access them. time with loved ones. new friends. turns out we do want to hang out together without the distractions of the big names and bright lights. there are things no one shares yet until they’re ready, supported by a whole body of work. we know better than to ask questions. we know that the public will. we’ve done this dance before, figuring out how much we want to share. even when we do it alone, we still come back to each other.

we’ve gotten help now, and that has to be one of the best feelings when we see evidence of that in each other. pride and love and a calmness we finally found in the familiarity of it all mixed with the growth we all feel so honoured to witness. growth that reminds us of those times we told ourselves it would all be okay. this is one of the most uncertain times of history but maybe we’re watching our own prophecy come true. sorry for being self destructive, I’ll take better care of you now. care of me. we get nostalgic and we wonder if the world is going to change. if we made the right choice. as we grow older and move forward in our lives, sacrificing so many things, but we still have each other. and pop punk. maybe we can make a song about that

then we’re touring again and it hits different when you thought it might be something you’d never get back. there’s activism to be done until it becomes too much, when you’re a bit more self aware instead of pushing things away to later it becomes too much a little more often these days. or too little, either way, we can process that a little better now. step aside and make art, or do it in the meantime, switching between confidence and vulnerability like maybe they weren’t such opposite things to begin with. maybe motivation and grief can come together. maybe we’re getting older and we’re so scared of the world now but we always were, except when we didn’t know how to look after ourselves we were scared of staying put even more. maybe it’s okay to grab hold of that tension and make the most of it. maybe life is just a series of doing things while scared or sad and finding the good parts in it anyway. really living.

we’ve found our place a little more now, and yet we’re constantly fitting together in new ways. we each have our own boundaries in how to interact with people and we compliment each other on that now, our strengths falling into where each other might be lacking. and that’s okay, we can embrace it. but still be pretty self deprecating. maybe things will be different now. maybe we’re healing. or maybe we’re just surviving and trying not to get too repeatedly traumatised, that’s valid too. maybe our big dreams were just the longing for something deeper, for connection and validation and self expression and the freedom from the monotony and weight of their expectations made for some idealised person none of us were capable of being. and one day, eventually, we’ll probably write a song about that.

[valleyrunearchives]

Weightless (The Leap of a Jade Rabbit)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Fandom: Boku No Hero Academia/My Hero Academia Pairings: Aizawa Shouta/Yamada Hizashi Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Chapter 40/?

Midoriya Izuku stopped believing in heroes when a tragedy occurred in his life. When at the tender age of 11, he lost everything that was everything dear to him, everything that was worth living for. Yet he doesn’t give up. He can’t give up. He decides to make a choice instead. No longer will he stand around and wait for the heroes to arrive while a crime goes down. He’ll be his own hero and a hero to those who are just like him. Those waiting for help that will never arrive. In order to do that, though, he’ll have to fight to survive and lie through his teeth. It won’t be so bad!

After all, it’s not like they can bring him in for vigilantism and Illegal Quirk Usage when he doesn’t even have a quirk, right?

Previous | First | Next

Click here to Read on AO3!

“So yeah, that’s where I’m at and I don’t know what to do,” Izuku says, lying on his bed with Haia on his chest, phone cradled up to his ear. 

“Jeez, Izuku-kun, that sounds really rough! I don’t know what I’d do in your situation,” Ochako’s voice comes through. Izuku had called her after dinner that night to explain what was going on in his life since it would’ve been a very lengthy text. He hoped she might be able to help him work something out. Plus it was nice to talk to her after so much time apart. He also wanted to give her the offer of paying for a train ticket for her so she could come visit and meet his other friends. 

“Yeah, I know,” he sighs, “Part of me is super thrilled. I mean, high school? That’s like… wow! But at the same time all I can think is if I go into high school now that I’m going to be so much younger than all the other kids…” 

“Yeah… are you worried they’ll pick on you? Or even bully you?” she asks tentatively.

He reaches his free hand up to nervously pet Haia, who purrs in delight, “Of course I am! They’re kids who are going to be older and probably bigger than me. Not to mention that I’m sure it’ll get out that I’m quirkless to someone. If not them then the seniors of our school. No matter how much I try to hide it, it’ll come out somehow. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the teachers even told them! That’s what my middle school did, even though I know they’re not supposed to.”

“Let’s not forget the level of practice that they may have had with their quirks…” Ochako adds, “I’d be worried about what they’d try to use on you too.”

His heart skips a beat at that. He had somewhat forgotten about that. “Well I wasn’t before but now I am! Oh… What do I do…?”

“Have you talked to your foster parents about it?” There’s the sound of air blowing through the phone. Izuku remembers that she told him before they started talking that she was painting her nails with a new polish her parents had gifted her. He’s happy she’s got something that makes her so happy. But it must be tricky to paint her nails with her quirk, since she can only use four of her fingers to hold the brush steady. 

He wraps his arm around Haia and rolls over onto his side. She doesn’t react beyond an initial surprised mew before settling back down again. “I mean yeah but all they keep saying is that it’s up to me. I don’t think they’re getting that I want their opinions on how I should decide. That I need help making a decision that’s best for me. 

“Then tell them that!” She nearly shouts down the phone, “If there’s something that my parents always need to remind me of it’s that they’re not mind readers! If I need help with something, I have to ask for it. They won’t just be able to guess!”

“But how do I do that in a way that makes them understand?” He doesn’t remember how to do this! He hasn’t had a parent in over a year now, give him a break. 

“Simple; You tell them that you’d really like their help in deciding on the best course of action with this school thing!” 

“And it’s that easy?” He asks nervously. 

“Sure it is!” She chirps, “You just have to make sure you’re clear with them on everything! If they say something along the lines of that it’s your decision again, let them know that that’s the problem! Tell them you don’t know what your decision is and need their help finding it. Then just air out all your thoughts about it and ask them what they think!” 

Izuku hums something of an acquiesce. When she puts it like that it sounds super simple. It makes him a bit nervous though. He doesn’t want to say something that makes them think he’s overreacting about all this. He’s just getting the sense that they think he’ll be able to go Boom! Decision made! But he can’t. Not about something this big for his life. She seems to hear or at least figure out his apprehension, “Okay! Let’s try something! An exercise to practice, if you will! Pretend I’m your foster parents; Go!”

“G-Go? Go what?” he asks.

“Start at the beginning! Ask for help! I’m your foster parents, you’ve just walked up to me, what do you say? Go!” 

‘“Uh…” His mind jumps several times before he squeezes his eyes shut and focuses, “Hey can I talk to you guys about something…?”

“Sure, Izuku! What’s up?” She lowers her voice to talk in a deeper tone, trying to imitate one of his foster dads. Izuku snorts in amusement but covers it up in a cough. Right. Focus on the exercise.

“Well… I’ve been thinking about this school thing and I… really think I need your help on deciding what I should do.”

“It’s ultimately up to you,” Ochako’s ‘deep’ voice says back. Izuku resists the urge to snort again. C’mon focus!

“Yeah I know but I really don’t know what to do. I’m just so worried about some aspects of each decision and need your help figuring out which one’s best.” 

“Okay, let’s sit down and talk about it,” Ochako then clears her throat before saying, in her normal voice this time, “That was perfect, Izuku-kun! Now just do that again with your actual foster parents and tell them everything that’s bugging you! I promise, it’ll be easier than you think it is!”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure! Do you want to go so you can get it all over with while it’s still fresh in your mind?” she asks.

“Yeah,” The thought comes back to him just before he’s about to tell her that he’ll talk to her later, “Oh right! Real quick before we hang up!”

“Huh? What’s up? Need to run through the exercise one more time or something?”

“No, no! Um… You can tell me no if you don’t want to but… I’d really like for you to come up to meet my friends and visit for a while. I know your parents don't really have the money for that but… Could I… Pay for a ticket for you? It doesn’t have to be everytime you come for a visit and if it’s too much for me to ask because you would feel guilty I promise it’s no big deal but you can still tell me no regardless! Whatever you want to do!” He’s starting to ramble in his nerves. Get it together Izuku. It’s not like you’re asking her to move here or anything!

“Oh that would be great! I would love that!” She says excitedly. Izuku relaxes. He should’ve known that Ochako would have been all for it right away. She’s been saying that she’s really looking forward to meeting his friends. He smiles to himself, “So next Tuesday? I’ll send the ticket to you virtually.”

“Awesome! I can’t wait to meet everyone! Don’t tell them I’m coming! I want it to be a surprise!”  

He laughs softly, “You got it. Alright… I’m going to go talk to Hizashi and Shouta. Thanks for your help, Ochako-chan.”

“No problem! Talk to you later Izuku-kun!” 

“Yeah, see you!”

He hangs up the phone and sets it on his bedside table. He moves Haia to lay on his bed. He takes a deep breath before standing up and heading to the living room. Hizashi and Shouta are both sitting on the couch. Hizashi is reading a book with Shouta’s feet on his lap while the darker haired man watches TV with Bastard on his chest similar to how Haia was on his. 

He takes another breath before approaching them. They both look up at him with smiles, Hizashi’s wide and bright and Shouta’s small but warm. “Can I… talk to you guys about something?” he asks meekly.

They share a glance before Hizashi smiles up at him again and says with no hesitation, “Sure, Bunny Bean!”

“What do we need to talk about, Problem Child?” Shouta asks next.

What do we need to talk about, they say. Bunny Bean, Hizashi calls him. Problem Child, Shouta calls him. Their names for him. Like Zu was for his mom. He smiles and settles down on the armchair next to the couch. This may take a while…

[purgemarchlockdown]

Oh thanks for reminding me about the voices! I always forget that for some reason even though it's so important. I assume the voices are dependent on the verdict and either way it's kind of bad, even if their saying good things it's still hundreds of voices perceiving A Version of You.

But yeah your also right! We aren't sure of what's going to happen next, all we have is the information provided to us. It honestly leads into a point of mine about how Powerless we the audience are at Helping People. It's so easy to hurt and so much harder to help and I'm pretty sure that's on purpose.

Once Again: Milgram is not made to help. It's made to determine who should be punished. Innocent is so much less "good" for the prisoners than guilty is "bad" for them, and innocent isn't really good as much as it is "safety."

And, unsurprisingly, being told that there's a chance that your safety and personhood could be ripped away if you do something "wrong" makes it harder to grow from that "static" position you mentioned. It's harder to grow when Reflecting on your Flaws as a Person and Admitting When You Were Wrong could get you Restrained.

Quickly on Fuuta since I think he shows this dilemma the best. As much as he did change his view on himself and his situation (notably Humanizing his victim in Backdraft but I'll get to that when I get to Muu) he also is still trying to convince himself (and also the audience) that it's not his fault.

Me, the result of blame-shifting, no, can’t find that funny With just one mistake and I’m out of chances Bless me, please, with one more chance It’s not even my fault, not even slightly

That isn't to say Fuuta isn't remorseful or anything- he is, he felt guilty about it since T1. But that it's still hard for him to accept that he had a part to play in the events, no matter how small it is.

Because one, accepting your own faults as a person after committing horrible mistakes and learning and growing is a years long process and you cannot speedrun that in a few months. (Not the most important thing but I think it's still good to mention.)

And two, he's being hurt, beaten by another prisoner, possibly tortured, and restrained. He's being put in a Defensive Position, if he doesn't defend himself properly He'll Get Hurt Again. It's an understandable reaction to the horrific conditions he's been subjected to for (presumably) the past few months.

I'm mentioning this because it affects the Innocent Prisoners because then the terror of being punished looms over everyone.

You can actually kind of see this with how Haruka reacted to the voting, trying to make sure Es Still Wanted Him Innocent and reacting violently when the idea that Es wasn't going to do that was presented. He's seen the possible consequences of a guilty verdict and has his own trauma related to being punished.

Not to bring in a Kazui line, however the T2 Interrogation Question no 1 really explains what I'm trying to say:

Q: What are your thoughts on the 1st trial results? A: I don't really get it. I thought I could finally relax, but I was wrong

Bringing it back to your point that we have to rely on the Prisoners to come to the conclusions themselves and get better under these horrid circumstances! Your right! I agree!

But as you said, not only does this place give us The Worst Options Ever In Helping People but also sometimes the Other Prisoners are a bigger problem than the verdict itself. This place would probably be much less tense if Kotoko didn't Beat Everyone Who Was Guilty Up.

(I swear this place is designed to make people worse-)

Funnily enough I basically agree with most of the things you said about Amane's situation. I think the only big difference is that I would of voted here inno even if Kazui got guilty and her physical state.

(Admittedly, super biased towards her, I know it's ironic to say this considering my stance on Muu but I support Worst Girls and Amane should kill more actually.)

Firstly on her physical state, 1moremilgram-enjoyer and bluepink07 have talked about this in there own posts about Purge March so I won't discuss it much but there are most likely Two Weapons in Amane's case.

Purge March shows the umbrella.

Magic shows the Taser.

This is how she incapacitated her mother even though she's just been waterboarded and is much younger and probably physically weak in multiple ways due to the years of Actual Goddamn Torture and lack of medicine.

Most likely she Tased her mother first and then starting beating her up, with adrenaline and years worth of bottled up rage doing the rest.

That isn't to say Amane Can't harm Shidou. She probably can and I understand why that's a big worry.

But on Milgram emulating her abusive situation. I've talked about Amane's view on Milgram before in a completely different post I won't link here since it isn't too relevant but as you said Milgram is basically a Trigger for Amane. Just the whole of it is a trigger. Everything about it seems designed to trigger her trauma and bring her back to her abusive situation.

I've been looking at both T1 Amane and T2 Amane recently and something that sticks out to me is how much stricter Amane is On Herself in T2.

It's hard to exactly explain (since I'm still working through my thoughts on it) but T1 Amane is willing to say things that very subtly hint at how she feels about certain things.

Case in point, This T1 VD line:

Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour.

What she's saying is basically "My parents are unkind and wouldn't have forgiven you but don't worry I am!" she's just saying it in a roundabout way.

This isn't the only T1 Amane moment where she's noticeably a bit looser with herself and what she says.

T1 Interrogation gives us this:

Q: Do you listen to music? A: Not really to songs that are highly entertaining.

Which is probably about the sound torture she probably went through but also Magic implies that Amane is in Choir.

So she's also calling her cult's music "boring" here.

That isn't even going into the timelines and Magic which have their own thing going on that if I talked about we would be here forever.

Amane's lines in T1 are filled with Implication, like our dear liar man Kazui she tends to imply things in her sentences instead of stating things directly because it gives her plausible deniability.

Going back to the interrogations, T1 has these two questions:

Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do? A: Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

Q17 : What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

As you might notice, these seemingly contradict each other! What makes Q17 different from Q3 though is that there is a stated Endpoint.

Q3 is open ended. How long is she allowed to do "anything?" Is there a line she can't cross? What exactly do you really mean by anything? There's still a threat of punishment, so she says that she wouldn't do anything.

Q17 does however have an end. If the world ends what will she do? Which changes her answer, she'll do all the things she wants to do! If the world is going to end then it won't matter.

(Which...says something actually about how she thinks of her fate considering presumably her fate has a "heaven"- ah well out of the scope of this discussion)

This fits really well with her Q12 Answer.

Q: What is the meaning of life? A: I think it is something you learn for the first time when you look behind yourself when it ends. I do not want to have regrets then, so I live on with all my might.

First of all she's probably talking from Experience here which is...depressing. But second the reason why I brought all of this up in the first place is to contrast with T2 Amane.

T2 Amane is noticeable Crueler Towards Herself. T1 Amane was never kind mind you. Magic is full of scenes where she downplays her own pain and considers it "lesser."

Note how cartoony and...over-dramatic she is in this scene, it's childish of her to react like this. This is how her mind perceives her own punishment.

(This goes to the point where she straight up puts her actual serious injuries on the cat but I am Not making this about the Amane Momose Cat Symbolism even though I care so much about it, It is Not Super Relevant to this discussion-)

Going to the T2 VD these two lines in particular stands out to me:

Amane: Both pain and illness are trials. According to our teachings, those who run from them are the worst evil there is. That’s one of the four great principles. No matter who you are, that cannot be forgiven.

Amane: Oh – speaking of which, there is one among the prisoners right now. An evil existence that’s trying to steal people’s trials away from them.

Now...again...Amane likes implying things in her sentences rather than saying them out-loud. If she Implies Things then she has plausible deniability.

Do you know what else Amane calls a trial?

T1 Q20: Any complaints about being imprisoned? No. Because this is a trial by God.

This is already Pretty Fucking Bad, but it actually gets worse. Amane consider Milgram to be an "ideal world" to some extent.

Amane: Ah, I am looking forward to it! Seeing whether your judgement will align with that of these higher standards! If that is the case, maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to live in, rather than the outside world! Milgram relies on your judgement, isn’t that right? In that case, you could become the mediator for a far more righteous world!!

For a while I've wondered what specifically about it is appealing, since as you said this whole situation is a trigger for her.

Well...it's this voting system. This fucked up, crude, awful, voting system.

Amane likes having a Righteous Reason to do things, if she has a righteous reason to...I dunno, "run from pain."

She'll take it.

You can see this reflected lyrically in Purge March:

I don’t need it any more, if you’re going to break your vow Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry” After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry” You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already

There is a progression here of two ideas "You broke your vow so I shall kill you" and "I Hate you and your guts please die already" with the hopeless I'm sorry line bridging the two ideas. Amane needs A Good Reason or else she's EVIL.

The voting system gives Amane an Out that wouldn't go against her cult's rules. She's not Running From Pain. She didn't deserve to be punished in the first place.

So when Es gives her that Guilty Verdict it basically means she was evil. That no, her reason wasn't righteous, that no she was wrong for doing this.

Doing All Of This.

So Amane is Both Treating Herself More Harshly because of this verdict and how maybe she got it because she wasn't good enough. AND is violently reacting towards being told all the stuff she did was wrong. Us vs Them except both need to be horrifically punished.

In short: We're Fucked. We're So Fucked. I wasn't around for Magic so everyone else fucked around and now we're finding out.

I think she can get better, I think an inno verdict could help her actually.

But we are also so fucked it's not even funny.

This gets worse btw I'm not putting that in since I still want to talk about Muu and Fuuta and if I don't stop myself now I will continue talking because I am an Incurable Amane Momose Enjoyer.

I Agree on the Muu thing btw! Unlike Fuuta who takes a whole MV to humanize his target, Muu's target was human from the beginning.

Again this isn't to say Fuuta isn't remorseful and Muu is. Fuuta is remorseful and Muu does think to some extent she did nothing wrong and that guilty verdict probably will hamper her progress. (There's a bunch of outside reasons why I would of guiltied Muu if I was voting)

Really it goes into the 0304 parallels but that's so disconnected I'm going to stop myself before this gets so long.

I- god- I need to talk about how Milgram as a system makes you assign who the "worst" is out of the cast. Which one doesn't seem guilty for the actions? Which one didn't have a good enough reason? Which one is most dangerous? Which one is the scariest? Which one is the most Deserving of punishment? Which one Deserves Support the Least?

When Milgram asks who deserves to be forgiven and who shouldn't be this is what they mean. This is why Jackalope insists that you can vote for any reason. This system is Built to find the "Worst One" and Punish Them.

ES SAYS THIS IN AMANE'S T1 VOICE DRAMA:

Es: Don’t make me laugh. I’m not your teacher at school; it isn’t my goal to teach you things or guide you on the right path. Milgram’s goal isn’t to turn you back into decent human beings and get you back into normal society. What is needed here is firm, honest judgment and decisions.

Es: Milgram's goal is not to help people, but to judge them "firmly" and "honestly."

It is NOT a coincidence that they are saying this in Amane's T1 VD. Y'know, the same character whose cult punishes them unjustly and unfairly under arbitrary and often unreachable standards.

And look- I get that they committed murder. That is indeed a crime, that is indeed a horrible thing to do.

However, there is an Underlying Theme here that is being explored! If this work was just about what was murder and who actually committed murder this series would be over by Trial 1 and characters like Mikoto, Amane, Haruka, would be guilty and also Dead.

Milgram is actively making us engage with this System of Punishment and find out that No, it actually isn't that easy to prevent the evil from hurting the weak. That people get hurt in this pursuit of justice. That this black and white system of punishment Does Not Actually Help Anyone!

And this is such a cool and interesting part of Milgram that I wish people we're more willing to engage with! I wish we, as an audience, we're more willing to accept that Our Judgement Hurts People. That this is a part of the experience of engaging with the musical murderer series that asks the audience if their willing to forgive or not.

(And I also wish the risk of people attacking me for this is a lot lower but ah well.)

[tobesolonely]

grammy night

A/n: like most of you, watching harry perform WS did something to me. i rushed to my computer to write this IMMEDIATELY... not proofread but i hope u all enjoy nonetheless! Thanks @nationalharryleague​ for looking this over and hyping me up.

summary: y/n wants to show her grammy winning boyfriend just how proud she is of him💕

warnings: smut, mentions of the pandemic!

word count: ~3k

my ko-fi! thank you :)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

You decided that “Harry Styles, Grammy-nominated artist!” had a lovely ring to it.

Harry knew how proud you were of him; you had been making it known to him in the days leading up to his big night. You fretted over him more than you usually did, showered him in an obnoxious amount of compliments, and were the most intimate you’d ever been with him–– but who was he to complain? 

Obviously, he knew you could care less whether he won or lost, and quite frankly, he didn’t care either. Just being able to perform at the Grammy’s, much less open it, was the opportunity of a lifetime. The fact that he was hitting such a big professional milestone with you by his side just made it that much better. You were both buzzing.

It had been months since Harry had performed. You knew how much he missed being in front of a live audience and hearing people scream his name, conceited as he was. He had been spending so much time rehearsing the one song he was performing, wanting it to be absolutely perfect. Your boyfriend was a perfectionist, after all! If he was going to do something, he either did it one hundred and ten percent, or he didn’t do it at all.

Although you were used to your boyfriend’s pre-performance jitters, it still wasn’t an easy sight to see. He would pace so much that beads of sweat would collect in his hairline; he’d shake, tremble, and have to be reminded to breathe. You’d think after ten years of doing this he would be a pro, but he was only human, after all. 

“Been so long since I performed in front of people,” Harry muttered to you, examining his reflection in his make-shift dressing room. “‘M nervous.”

“Don’t be nervous,” you reply, coming up behind him to rub his shoulders. He shoots you a look in the mirror. “I know it’s easier said than done but you have nothing to worry about. It’s “Watermelon Sugar” honey–– you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’ve performed this one dozens of times.”

“Things are jus’ so different now,” his voice drops an octave. “What if people are tired of the song?”

“I don’t think people are tired of the song.”

“It played on the radio a lot. Came out in 2019––”

“...And you’ve been busy with other things. No one’s gonna be upset that you haven’t released new music in the middle of a pandemic H, I promise you.”

Harry’s gaze meets yours again in the mirror briefly before he tilts his head back, silently asking for a kiss. You plant one on his lips before grabbing a tissue from a small table beside him, dabbing at his hairline.

“Stop sweating everything off, Harry,” you playfully scold your boyfriend. “Make-up artist has already been by to touch you up three times already, she’s probably running out of product.”

Your boyfriend lightly chuckles at this, causing you to smile. “I’ll just tell my body to cut it out. How’s tha’ sound?”

“Sounds good,” you reply, leaning down to kiss his nose. “You alright?”

You notice Harry deeply inhale. “I think so. How do I look?”

“Like a Grammy-nominated, soon-to-be Grammy-winning, artist.” 

Harry’s skin flushes. “Stop it…” The sound of three short knocks on the door of his dressing room causes panic to flood his features.

“Hey, look at me,” you gently grab your boyfriend’s chin, turning his gaze up towards yours. “It’s my job to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. If you get nervous just know I’ll be sitting as close to the stage as they’ll let me.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Now, go make me proud.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Breathe me in, breathe me out…”

If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought Harry’s nerves in his dressing room were all theatrics. He was so in his element on stage, you were one hundred percent sure no one knew he was so nervous twenty minutes prior that he was turning green. He kept looking out into the small crowd, searching for you, and flashing you a dimpled grin once he did. 

You were enjoying watching him prance around the stage while trying to keep up with the band on stage, looking a bit too proud of himself when he was able to stay on the beat while rhythmically snapping his hips along to the song. As the song came to an end and the dimmed lights started coming back on, you were led back to Harry’s dressing room by one of his guards as you heard the next performer being introduced.

“How did I do?” Harry asks loudly, adrenaline still coursing through his veins.

His voice causes you to jump. “You scared the shit out of me! How’d you get off stage so quickly?”

Harry grabs your arm and pulls you off the couch, wrapping you in a tight, sweaty hug. “Don’t know. I basically ran to ya.”

“You did incredibly,” you tell him, lips ghosting over his. “Just like I knew you would. I don’t wanna say you were nervous for nothing, but you kinda were.”

“Don’t wanna hear your teasin’.”

“Did you see how everyone was looking at you?”

“I only saw how you were lookin’ at me. I was only lookin’ at you.”

Your body heats up at Harry’s admission, causing you to look away. “You’re so cheesy, H.”

“I think I would’ve been about fifty times more nervous if you weren’t here with me,” he presses his nose against yours. “Thank you for bein’ here, Y/N. You make this whole thing so much more doable.” Harry places one… two… three wet kisses to your cheek before pulling away, walking back over to close the door he left open during his excitement to re-join you.

“Changing?”

“Yeah,” Harry turns to look at you as he pulls off his jacket. The sight of his bare chest causes you to thickly swallow. “‘M gonna put what I was wearin’ on the red carpet back on. We’re gonna move outside.”

You simply hum in response to what Harry said, sitting back on the couch to scroll through your phone as you wait for him to finish changing. Everyone was congratulating Harry on his performance and wishing him luck on his nominations. You read all the good luck texts for him that were sent to you out loud, watching as his smile grows bigger and bigger from all the love he was being showered in.

After helping Harry powder his T-zone you let him lead you out of the small room and out into an area with spaced-out circular tables, most of them with just two or three seats at them. The Grammy’s in the middle of a pandemic was unlike anything you had ever seen before, and you were pleasantly surprised at how smoothly things were running. Jeff is already sat at the table when you and Harry join him and you can visibly see him let out the breath he was holding.

“Your boyfriend ran off stage so quickly I thought I was gonna have to set up a search party to find him,” Jeff tells you, a slight hint of annoyance present in his voice. He then turns to Harry and says, “Fix your mask, please.”

“It is fixed,” Harry grumbles but adjusts it nonetheless, causing you to giggle. 

Even though it was obvious your boyfriend was enjoying himself, you could still tell he was extremely nervous the closer it became to announcing the winner of the category he was nominated in. His grip on your thigh kept growing tighter and tighter and although you didn’t hate it, you worried he might cut off your circulation soon if he didn’t let go of you soon.

“H, take a deep breath,” you lean over to whisper in his ear. “You’re gonna make my thigh fall off.”

“Sorry, love,” if you could see his mouth under his mask, you’d see him biting his plump lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my fuckin’ life.”

“Never?”

“Have I?”

“I dunno. I’m asking you.”

You see Harry’s eyes crinkle. “Maybe when I asked you out for the first time.”

“You are seriously so cheesy.”

Harry doesn’t respond, just takes your hand in his and directs his attention back to the stage. His palm is sweaty in yours but you don’t release his grip on your hand, wanting to offer him as much comfort as you possibly could.

When they start naming the nominees for Best Pop Solo Performance, you literally have to remind Harry to control his breathing. Although he won’t be upset if he doesn’t win, you know it would still mean quite a bit to him if he did.

“And the winner for Best Pop Solo Performance is… Harry Styles!”

Your mouth falls open in shock as you turn to fully face your boyfriend who was looking down at your intertwined hands, eyes wide in surprise. He genuinely wasn’t expecting to win and that made this victory that much sweeter. 

“Harry!” You yell to be heard above the cheers and applause of his colleagues in the crowd. Jeff stands and grabs Harry’s hand, pulling him out of his seat and into a tight hug. You stand up and clap loudly in admiration for your boyfriend, willing the tears not to fall from your eyes. He removes himself from Jeff and pulls you into him, your head pressed against his chest.

“I won a fuckin’ Grammy!” Harry shouts.

“I know!” You shout back, probably more excited than he was. “Get up there!”

Your boyfriend quickly removes his mask and hands it to you before hurrying to the makeshift stage, hugging the presenter before touching his Grammy in awe. He picks it up and then slowly sets it back down, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“To everyone who made this record with me, thank you so much…” 

You can’t stop the few tears that spill over your waterline–– you were so unbelievably proud of him. You’re not even paying attention to his acceptance speech as you’re too preoccupied with looking at everyone staring at your boyfriend in admiration. 

“Lastly, I want to thank my girlfriend who’s sitting right there next to my manager, Jeffrey. She’s my number one fan, always believes in me when I don’t believe in myself,” he looks down at his shoes bashfully. “Wouldn’t be half the man I am today if it weren’t for her. This is our Grammy, love.”

You blow kisses to your boyfriend, ignoring the feeling of everyone’s eyes on you. As far as you were concerned, you and Harry were the only two people around at that moment. Your heart couldn’t have been any more full.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

To absolutely no one's surprise, you and Harry couldn’t keep your hands off each other for the remainder of the night. You were relieved there were no after parties being held that Harry would be expected to attend due to the pandemic because you could not get him alone fast enough.

“Slow down, Y/N,” Harry sets his Grammy on the foyer table as he kicks off his shoes. “Just us, innit? We’ve got all night, haven’t we?”

“I’m just so proud,” you tell him breathlessly, sucking on the underside of his jaw. “Let me show you.”

“You have been showin’ me. A lot, actually,” Harry leans his head back and closes his eyes in pleasure as you lick tantalizingly slow against his veiny neck. “Guess one more time wouldn’t hurt, though.”

“Do you want me to blow you or not?”

“Oh, so that’s what’s gonna happen here?”

“If you’re gonna be annoying, then no.”

“Kiiiding,” Harry rolls his eyes, pressing a gentle kiss to your nose. “C’mon, let me get you upstairs.”

”You’re the one that won a Grammy, not me,” you remind him. “Let me make you feel good.”

Harry lets out a quiet hum, guiding you towards the couch. “Exactly–– I’m the winner. Doesn’t that mean I should get what I want tonight?” He falls backward onto the couch, pulling you atop his lap. His hand roams down the front of your dress and he squeezes your breasts roughly, clearly delighted that you decided to forgo a bra tonight.

“I suppose,” you answer, biting back a moan. 

“You suppose? Not in the mood for it tonight?” He starts to retract his hand but you grab his wrist, stopping him.

“I am!” You don’t even try to hide how desperate you are for your boyfriend.

“Gonna let me taste you, hmm?” As Harry asks his question he slowly slides off the couch and onto his knees in front of you, bunching your dress up around your hips. He leans in close to your already dripping center and inhales deeply, a blissed-out look on his face. “Smell fuckin’ incredible. I gotta taste ya.”

You spread your legs wider without even thinking about it, almost as if it’s on instinct. Harry easily moves your underwear to the side and immediately connects his lips with your clit, not giving you time to adjust to the sensation before he’s just going at it.

“Oh, Harry…”

“Rings on or off?” His voice is muffled due to your thighs being clamped around his head, but you can still understand what he’s saying.

“On!”

Harry chuckles against your cunt before sliding his index finger in with ease, loving the way you immediately clenched around the digit. “Y’like that, lovie? Wanna take another one?”

“Please.” Your boyfriend already has you breathless despite the fact that he was just getting started.

Harry slips his middle finger into you along with his index finger and starts curling it up in the way he knew you liked, trying his hardest to stimulate your g-spot. He looks extremely focused; leave it to Harry to make a night that was supposed to be all about him, not.

“S’fuckin’ tight,” he says, more so to himself. “You’d think with all the shags we’ve been ‘avin lately you’d be used to my fingers by now.”

You let out a loud groan at your boyfriend’s dirty talk. He knew that it was one of your biggest kinks so he usually overdid it just a tad bit. It’s not like you were complaining, though.

“Guess that means you’re not fuckin’ me hard enough, huh?”

Harry stops his movements and looks up at you through slightly hooded eyes, an amused (but not really) look on his face. “Not fuckin’ you hard enough? Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

You can tell by the tone of Harry’s voice that he has it out for you now, but there’s no use in recanting your statement. He was about to make sweet, primal, love to you and god were you ready. Harry goes back to mercilessly fucking into you with his thick fingers, speeding up or slowing down his pace based on how you clench around him.

”Fuck, H.”

“Feels nice?” He goes from moving his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion to a scissoring motion which feels just as good if not better.

“Yeah, really nice,” your fingers are tangled in Harry’s hair and you know he’ll give you hell later for getting it all knotted. “I’m close.”

“Already? Haven’t even properly fucked you yet,” Harry removes his fingers from you aching cunt agonizingly slow, wiping them on his expensive Gucci trousers. “Guess I’ll jus’ have to fix that, yeah?”

“I guess so.”

“You’ve got a mouth on you tonight, pet. Is that really any way to treat your Grammy-winning boyfriend-”

“Harry, come off it!” You exclaim, letting out a loud laugh as you watch him stand up and unbutton his pants. “You’re insufferable, I swear.”

Harry shoots you one of his blindingly bright smiles, wiggling his eyebrows as his pants pool around his feet. “Hey, ‘m just statin’ facts.”

He collapses onto the couch and pats his lap, giving his leaking cock two quick tugs. “Ride me.”

“Just because you won a Grammy doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask nicely anymore.”

“Y/N, my beautiful, dazzling, elegant girlfriend, will you please do me the honors of riding––”

“Why do you make everything so weird?” You groan as Harry laughs and pulls you into his lap with ease, wincing when your thigh brushes against his cock. Wordlessly, he places his hands on your hips and helps you sink down onto him, taking his lip in between his teeth to keep from yelling out.

”Fuck me…”

“I’m about to,” you reply, resting your head on his shoulder as you adjust to his size. His hands roam the expanse of your back as he waits for you to get used to the feeling on him, wanting to feel every part of your body all at once. Without warning, you begin sluggishly rolling your hips. You were in no rush anymore; you had him inside of you, and that was all you wanted from the start.

“S’that all you got in ya?” His tone is cheeky, almost mocking. “I think you can give me more than tha’.”

“I dunno if I can.”

“Why’s that?” Harry bucks his hips upward slightly causing you to let out a loud gasp.

“I just want you to fuck me. I don’t wanna do any work.”

At this, Harry quickly flips you over so your sweaty body is now below his. You moan at the sensation the new angle immediately brought you. “Want me on top like this? This is how you wanna have me, angel?”

You nod. 

“Answer me.”

“Yes, Harry,” your eyes squeeze shut as Harry begins quickly thrusting into you. “God, yes. That feels amazing.”

“Yeah? Do you like it when I fuck you like this?” Harry reaches his hand down to thumb at you clit and raises an eyebrow while awaiting your answer.

“God,” you grab onto your breasts to prevent them from bouncing around as Harry’s thrusting into you but he rips your hand away.

“Wanna see ‘em.”

“Right there,” you moan, no longer trying to bite back your sounds of pleasure. Between Harry eating you out, fingering you, and now fucking you harder than he has in ages, you were a few sloppy thrusts away from coming all over his cock. “I’m gonna cum–”

“...Already?”

You know he’s teasing but you still reach between your sweaty bodies to swat at his bare chest. “Don’t tease!”

“‘M messin’ with ya, puppy,” Harry pushes his curls out of his eyes. “I’m almost there- you first. Cum for me, Y/N.”

Harry doesn’t have to tell you twice. You spasm around his cock as soon as he tells you to, lifting your hips up to meet him as you could tell he was growing tired. Harry pulls out moments later, muttering a quick, “Where do you want it?” before finishing on your chest.

The silence that fills the room is comforting but of course, it’s cut short by your pest of a boyfriend.

“If that's what I got just for winning one Grammy, what would I get if I won the others?”

[trashmouthkid]

"Don't you think it's just a little presumptuous? Moving in together after two weeks like it's that easy to pick up where you left off, when where you left off was on the concrete slab of a middle school courtyard, and you wore mismatched socks and your mom was still packing your lunches?”

Eddie hums his response from the kitchen, turning the knob of the oven down as the clock hits 0:00 and the timer goes off. His mouth turns with it—frowning, brows furrowed.

“You say that like I didn’t fly home with you straight out of Derry, Maine, after two days.”

He waits to say this until he’s in the living room so he doesn’t have to yell, and so he can see what prompted Richie’s question.

The man is stretched across the length of the couch, at least as much as his body allows—one leg bent, another straightened over the armrest. He’s got his lumpy, disordered joke notebook in his lap, which means he’s working (on a Saturday), but he also has his phone out, which means he’s referring to the same group text Eddie thought he was; the one Bev sent, about an hour ago, announcing her abrupt move from Chicago to New York. Ben isn’t mentioned in the text, but he doesn’t really need to be.

Richie waves a hand dismissively at Eddie without looking up from his notebook. “That’s different,” he says quickly, shrugging. “We’re…different.”

“From Ben and Bev?” Eddie asks. His frown deepens. “How?”

He doesn’t want to say what makes us so special? because it’s not as though Eddie doesn’t take pride in some of the particularities of he and Richie’s relationship. But the It factor—actually, the very literal It factor—is quickly becoming a Three-In-A-Million kind of chance.

“Oh my god.” Richie heaves a great, dramatic sigh, settles his notebook back in his lap, and cranes his head back to look at Eddie with fond exasperation. “I’m trying to write a love story for the ages here, and you’re really killing the mood.”

“For the ages?” Eddie echoes, perplexed, looking between Richie and his work. “In a stand-up act?”

“Where do you think our love story belongs? A Nicholas Sparks book?”

Eddie snorts, group text forgotten, and comes fully into the room to sit on the couch, first gently knocking Richie’s legs before manhandling them to make space for himself when Richie doesn’t budge.

“A horror movie, I think,” he tells Richie, thoughtful, pointedly ignoring the smug grin plastered on his face. “Actually.”

“Huh,” Richie says, sobering, like the idea has never occurred to him before.

“What? Did you overlook the part where a clown tried to eat us?”

“No,” Richie answers quickly. “No, I know. I just…” He wrinkles his nose, thinking. “He really hung over our heads for most of our lives, huh? But I knew you before that. So. You feel like such a bigger part of my life than two weeks ago and that one summer in ‘89.”

“Oh,” Eddie says, charmed and a little annoyed for it. Richie’s legs are still taking up half the couch, tangled with Eddie’s in a way that’s distinctly uncomfortable, even in love. “I guess so.”

“Gives the R-rating a whole other meaning though,” Richie adds under his breath, and Eddie pulls a pillow out from under himself to throw in his direction.

“Richie!” he exclaims. “I said—!”

“—no sex jokes!” Richie finishes for him, hands raised defensively. “No sex jokes! I got it, baby, I got you.”

Eddie settles back against the armrest slowly, cheeks heating. “I just don’t want my junk all over LA,” he explains, like he can’t help it.

“And I respect that!”

“Or your’s, for that matter,” Eddie goes on. “I know it’s not my business, but can’t it be a little bit my business?”

“Baby, it’s all your business,” Richie says easily, bringing his notebook back up to his face and squinting at it, going to work again. “You’re cutting out a good chunk of my audience, though. Just so you know.”

Eddie shrugs flippantly. “Good fucking riddance,” he mutters.

Richie laughs. He laughs and he laughs, and he goes back to writing their love story, which feels, in their entanglement of limbs, even with a foot nearly shoved up Eddie’s ass, very much “for the ages.”

[itsnothingofinterest]

Okay I’ve talked more than a few times by now about why I think this final arc isn’t really the final arc and is actually gonna conclude going into a My Hero Part II. I’ve done it so much that now I’m going to presuppose that is the case and ponder what should happen this arc, if it isn’t the final-final arc, to close the book on this chapter on BNHA and distinguish a Part 1 from a Part 2 as the transition is made.

-All For One should get taken out. He doesn’t have to die, as there could be stories to tell if he were captured, defanged, and desperate (though I’d prefer he die); but he should be removed from the villains and lose all his power over Tomura. There’s nothing left for him to do with them, and he’s been too incompetent lately to be the main threat anymore. I mean his conga line of failure since escaping Tartarus was bad; but there’s no coming back from warping all his forces into an ambush.

-Endeavor should die/be forced into retirement. I don’t care much which, but the age of the undeserving no. 1 should come to an end. Maybe some other pros should exit with him too. Have the kids take up their mantles and personally shape the new age of heroes, because they won’t have a choice anymore. Plus, I honestly still think Endeavor exiting stage left could be good for Shoto & Dabi’s development in particular.

-Optional: Whatever happens to Endeavor should be Hawks’ fault. Hawks is a person who’s done bad things, implicitly many bad things, without regret because he could brush aside any consequences in favour of a bigger picture. If something happened to his hero Endeavor though, he may not be able to brush those aside. He’d feel some real guilt, which would really help a character that’s been pretty stagnant lately.

-Midoriya should demonstrate his last vestige quirk. Nothing real to add here, it’s just a thing that should happen; just in general, and also so he goes into Part 2 with a full arsenal known to the audience.

-The Paranormal Liberation Front should be broken out of prison. Probably with the captured Jailbreakers too. The PLF are the strongest villainous force in japan we’ve ever known of, AFO’s current army doesn’t even come close. Even the Jailbreakers are less then a tenth their size and highly disorganized; leading to easy arrests. And they’re all loyal to the League too. They’ve got to come back so we can once again feel that looming threat of the heroes possibly losing; and if anyone wanted to top that threat, adding on those captured Jailbreakers would be a good way to do it (and give the villain forces a nice round ~125,000 members). And if we get reunions with all the lost League allies like Compress, Kurogiri, Muscular, & Redestro; all the better.

-If the hero kids are going to fail to save the villains this arc (sadly a prerequisite for this theory), I think it important they come away with some idea of where they failed. I’m honestly not opposed to them failing this arc to talk down the villains in the first place; they spent over 300 chapters learning combat, diplomacy probably shouldn’t be any easier. And frankly, the villains are all kind of dealing with stuff that require more to their solutions then the empathy and understanding of teenagers. Like, Ochako can maybe offer her hand in friendship to Toga, but she can’t yet offer a better solution to quirk-prejudice than the PLF’s terrorism; and I wouldn’t be surprised if Toga refused the former without the latter. The kids totally can eventually help remedy the villains’ stuff, but complex problems can require complex solutions. The kids should come away understating that, and getting a pointer in the right direction.

-Horikoshi needs to take a break. A long break. Like, I wanna say a few months. He is clearly too burnt out and overworked for an author as successful as him. It’s to the point that frankly I almost feel guilty just hoping he works on this series more; so I imagine it’s much worse for the people that actually know him. He’s got to rest for the well-being of himself and everyone who cares about him. Besides, it’d build hype and stuff if we had to wait a few months after a great big event like this; get the anticipation flowing and leave us wondering what’ll happen next. But it’s mostly for taking care of Hori’s health.

[gra-sonas]

Maria DeLuca has come a long way since the start of Roswell, New Mexico.

Her journey has seen so many ups and downs. Still, she finds herself in Roswell, New Mexico Season 4, at a place where she's discovering even more about herself, and star Heather Hemmens continues to play her with such warmth and determination.

Hemmens stepped behind the camera to direct Roswell, New Mexico Season 4 Episode 11, and we chatted with her about getting behind the camera again, her favorite scene from the hour, and what's ahead for Maria as the series comes to a close. Settle in and check this one out!

Whitney, good morning. How are you?

Hi, Heather. I'm great. How are you?

I'm well. Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Oh, yeah. Thanks for talking with me. Episode eleven is a big, action-packed episode. And I wanted to know what it was like directing this episode, as opposed to your first Roswell episode. Were there things you learned and could carry over into this experience?

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. This was a huge episode because it's our 50th episode. So the script was big. There are big moments. Thankfully being a part of the show, especially from directing the previous season, I was able to carry a lot of that experience in, and those relationships I've watched develop this whole time.

So that was very easy to lock into, but we do have a new element in the show, that liminal space. So that was challenging to establish that space and the lighting and kind of the dynamic in this portal that they go through. That was really fun. There were new things to explore.

And then there were also things that are just familiar in our show that were really, really fun to revisit.

And how do you find the challenge of directing as opposed to acting?

I love directing because it's so consuming. It's really like having your hands in every different pot.

Acting is really stimulating because you're focused, but it's all about your one experience, and directing is kind of stepping back, seeing the bigger picture, and being able to manipulate the bigger picture.

So that's something that's really fun for me. It's all-consuming instead of just a myopic view that is really fun for acting but directing kicks your butt in a different way.

Yeah, I'm sure. Is there a particular scene from the episode that you're most excited for the audience to see?

There is. There is a scene that I feel myself and the fans who have watched the show from the beginning have been waiting for a culmination of certain questions and dynamics. And like I said, this being the 50th special episode, I was so honored to direct one of those moments and be behind the camera for that.

And it's a huge, huge payoff in this episode that everyone's going to, I can't say anything else about it, but when you see it, I feel like there's going to be cheering out loud when people are watching.

So, getting into Maria a little bit here. She's had tremendous growth throughout the series. She found herself in a place this season where she no longer had powers. And then she's presented with a new set of abilities that she has to explore.

Can you speak to Maria's growth and how she's feeling now about that side of herself and her powers?

Maria was bummed when she lost her powers. It was the one thing that was making her feel like part of the gang. That was what she contributed. So she was really bummed when she lost those powers. But now, with her new connection to Alex in the liminal space, it is a type of psychic connection.

She's just picking up on different messages, and she's able to do that because of how close she is to him. And that the thread of love, just someone you care so deeply about and that you know so well, is why she's able to pick up his messages because she first thought they were coming from her mother.

So her being able to connect to Alex gives her hope that she can lead the gang to find him.

Sure. And what has been your favorite part throughout these seasons of playing Maria DeLuca?

Wow. I love Maria's emotional journey, especially this season. I mean, having to go from losing her powers to losing her mother and now losing her best friend because she can't find Alex.

The way that Maria deals with tragedy and loss is so fun to explore as an actor because no matter what she's going through, she comes from a place of empowerment and never lets anything rattle her too deeply.

She stays so grounded, and it's an interesting way to interpret tragedy. Many people don't know how we would react if these monumental things happened in our lives. Right? Thankfully we don't have to face them too often, but I feel like Maria takes on thing after thing, and she handles it so well.

I've always admired that about her. And it's been just a joy to play someone with such grit.

Yeah, of course. I think she's come a long way since season one. It's been nice to see her journey, especially from then, like you said, the emotional journey.

Absolutely.

What are three words you would use to describe the experience of filming Roswell over the past few years?

Oh, exhilarating, epic, and beautiful.

I like those words. Is there anything you can tease us about Maria's storyline as we head into the final episodes?

Yes. I think there's a little flirtation brewing between Maria and Dallas that we can keep an eye on. Yeah. They have an interesting dynamic where they're friends and buddies, but that friendship has meant a lot to both of them. So we're going to see their eyes opening to the possibility. I can't say whether they go there or not.

I think they both are very grounding for each other. It was an exciting thing. I didn't see it coming this season. I was like, oh, yeah, they do fit. I could see it.

Yeah. It's been a nice surprise because they were just focused on their friendship and teaming up to find Alex and help the gang. And then they've also kind of been a shoulder for each other.

With the series ending, is there anything you wish you had gotten to explore a little bit more with Maria?

I don't think so. I don't feel like any part of her journey was missed. She got to fully flesh out the experiences that she was going through.

I would say the one thing I would've thought would've been included would just maybe have been more on her mom's passing. I felt like that was something she kind of went through behind the scenes.

And so yeah, I would say maybe exploring that a little bit, but I feel like the connection came in different ways, and it ended up being Alex, which keeps the storyline going. You can't dwell on things too long for TV, but yeah. I guess that would be it.

How do you hope that Roswell, New Mexico will be remembered?

More than the aliens, the kitsch of it all, I guess. But I think what people are going to remember is the relationships, the love, and the connection, whether they were alien or not. I think that people are going to remember the love between all of the characters. I think that was really strong.

Roswell, New Mexico airs on Mondays 8/7c on The CW.

***This interview has been edited for length and clarity.***

[podracerbarrelroll]

I posted 3,133 times in 2022

That's 962 more posts than 2021!

62 posts created (2%)

3,071 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mock-speed

@sevdrag

@ghostly-squid

@marshalcoded

@queeraang

I tagged 3,125 of my posts in 2022

#fuck - 455 posts

#free website everyone - 169 posts

#star wars - 117 posts

#dracula daily - 89 posts

#kenobi series - 87 posts

#supernatural - 85 posts

#you meme loving fucks - 82 posts

#lmao - 78 posts

#our flag means death - 76 posts

#incredible - 62 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#short walking distance is ideal because i can literally leave everything at home with my partner and not have to worry about it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Been watching Interview with the Vampire

89 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#4

One of the things that gets me about Interview with the Vampire is Anne Rice’s take on the downside of immortality. I’m especially thinking about this after reading Dracula Daily, currently reading Carmilla Weekly, and considering other vampire media. The vampire should both horrify and fascinate you, and so there should be enough of a tradeoff between a normal, human life and vampirism to make you question if you’d really want that immortality if it was offered to you.

I say if you could choose to be any type of vampire, you’d want to be a Twilight vampire. It’s literally impossible for a human to kill one. Sure, you maybe can’t go out in daylight all the time because your skin sparkles, but that doesn’t mean you can never see the sun again. You’re also fast enough to catch and kill any human unlucky enough to see you out in the middle of the woods or wherever you risked going out during the day. And as long as word doesn’t get out, the Volturi won’t come after you. Twilight also goes very easy on the obvious drawback of watching everyone you love get old and die. I don’t remember the backstory of every single Cullen, but Edward was dying, Alice literally has no memory of her previous life, and Rosalie was brutalized and left for dead by her fiance. They had no life to go back to. Bella might lose her parents eventually, but children ideally should be the ones to outlive their parents. She didn’t have any other close relatives or friends. In giving up her human life, she gets to marry someone she loves and a new family. They can also live just fine on animal blood, so you don’t have to deal with the moral implications of killing humans. And you get your own superpower! Twilight vampires don’t even have to sleep.

Compare this to earlier vampire stories. The vampires in Dracula and Carmilla lose their connection to God--which was a much bigger deal to the Irishmen writing these stories in the late 1800s than it is to a modern audience. Dracula vampires also lose their humanity and have the significant weakness of needing to return to their coffin to sleep during the day and being vulnerable while doing so. They also can be warded off by garlic and have their sanctuaries destroyed by Eucharist wafers. Dracula couldn’t even move his own coffins--he had to pay other people to do it for him, and that meant he had to leave very quickly when the poly band started destroying them. Carmilla/Mircalla/Millarca is restricted by only being able to use different spellings of her name. Her eating habits raise suspicion in any area she stays in for too long, with so many people dying of a strange “fever”, and she also has trouble going out in the daylight. 

Buffy vampires lose their souls, burn up dramatically in sunlight, and have a vampire slayer (or, by the end of the series, many vampire slayers) gunning for them. Most of the vampires in From Dusk Till Dawn are stuck in an eternal position of slavery or servitude and also burn up in the sunlight, essentially forced into a new society where they have very little power and any disobedience would be punished by death. Vampires in Supernatural can survive sunlight, even if it hurts, but they have hunters to contend with, many of which won’t hesitate to cut their heads off even if they stick to animal blood and mind their own business. Increased speed and strength and eternal life might be nice, but you either become an evil, blood-hunting animal or you get to spend that eternity living in fear.

The drawbacks of vampirism per Interview with the Vampire differ a little between the book and the 1994 movie, and a lot between both of those and the 2022 television series. In the book, and save one scene in the movie where Claudia gets out of her coffin during the day to join Louis in his, Anne Rice’s vampires literally cannot be awake during the day. As they age, sunlight does lose its power over them as Armand says in the series, but they cannot be awake to experience it. New vampires are burnt to ash by the sun, older vampires are only burned by it, and the oldest and most powerful can sleep in the sun all day and come out with a nice tan. The movie does a good job of showing this with Louis, holding his lantern close to the waters of the Mediterranean at night because he wants to see it as blue as he’s always heard about. But his light isn’t enough, and the water stays black. It’s a significant drawback of vampirism that the show loses: the sun may eventually lose its ability to hurt you, but you will never experience sunlight or what the world looks like in the daytime again.

One thing the Interview with the Vampire series does keep and did do well with in the first season is showing how vampires are incapable of change. Not only that their bodies are the same forever and that Claudia will never grow up, but that they have essentially lost the human ability to grow and change as people. In the book/movie, Louis was in his early twenties and had already lost his brother (book) or wife and buried his newborn child (movie). Alone in the world save for the slaves he owned at his plantation--who rightfully hated him. He wanted to die, and Lestat jumped him and gave him what he wanted, but he also preserved Louis like that forever. He is and always will be suicidally depressed--he is both dead and wanting to die, existing in limbo. In the series, Louis will always be exactly who he was when Louis turned him. Alienated from his family, but feeling an obligation to support them. Hating the life he leads and the way he earns his money while also viciously defending it. Paying someone to sit in a room and listen to him talk, whether that person is a prostitute or reporter. Louis is stuck as who he was in his weakest moment, when he gave into Lestat, which is why he will always give into Lestat, which is why, after more than a century, he is still whining!

It’s also why aging up the reporter is a great move, because over the course of fifty years, Daniel went from a young addict to a world-renowned reporter, from an idealistic idiot to a cynical asshole. This means he’s done the one thing Louis can’t (besides go out in sunlight): he’s grown and changed as a person. That’s why Louis is fascinated by him, and why he called him decades later to complete their interview. It also calls into question if you, the viewer, would want the “dark gift” Louis offers him. Twenty-year-old Daniel, like most people that age, had no idea how much life can change you, and had no idea what he might be losing to ask for Louis to turn him at that age. Seventy-year-old Daniel knows very well what he would have lost and what he still very well might lose by letting Louis turn him, even as Parkinson’s slowly starts to take its toll on his body. Would you want to live as who you are right now, forever? Do you like who you are enough that you would give up your ability to change, to know who you might become? Would you always want to be that person who, when the vampire bared his teeth and made his offer, gave into a moment of weakness and said yes?

127 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

#3

I think the next time England plays Argentina in the world cup that the winner should get to keep the Falkland Islands. Up the stakes a little.

171 notes - Posted December 14, 2022

#2

Ok fine I started watching the gay pirate show

190 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ishmael, three sentences in: "Do you ever feel suicidal? Do you have heart disease? Go on big boat for the cure. See the nice water. No substitute for water, that's why everyone wants to look at it. It's totally normal to feel something when your boss gives you a degrading task, and there's no shortage of degrading tasks when you're a merchant sailor. You also get paid, which definitely beats being a passenger, where you have to pay to go places and NOT to get degraded, can you imagine? There's a whale in this story btw. I am the pinnacle of mental and physical health and the sanest person I know."

832 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mishasminions]

The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15. 

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

[writinginthesecrettrees]

On Camera

 a fic for @writethelifeyouwant about Sam. On camera.

I think it ended up a bit over 500 words. Sorry not sorry.

-

Sam looks around nervously, a final check that everything’s in place. Bed made, door locked, roommate out for the next few hours, lights adjusted the way the studio told him to. Lube and a “realistic” dildo in easy reach, and he’s wearing loose gray sweatpants and a Stanford-red hoodie.

Tripod with camera aimed at the pool of light on the bed, and he wishes he could keep his face out but the studio pays more if they can see his face, his reactions, and he’s more than a little desperate since discovering that his scholarship doesn’t cover books or meal plan and he needs cash fast. Luckily there’s a market for pretty boys in financial need, he doesn’t even need to let someone else touch him and the studio loved his jack-off video. 

This’ll pay more.

Deep breath. He hits “record” and moves around to sit on the bed.

“Hey, so uh… I’m Sam, and you all liked my first vid so much, I’m making another. And it’d really help me out if you could leave a comment about what else you’d like to see from me.” He scrubs his hands on his sweatpants, laughs a little. “I’m still a bit nervous, so any encouragement you all could give would be… yeah.”

The studio told him not to worry about music or anything, they’d add some when they edited the video he’s sending them, but he can’t help wishing he could have something playing. Anything to get his mind off the camera in front of him and the blinking red light. He knows his cheeks are flushed red from embarrassment, but the studio loved that. “Ya look all innocent and shy... that gets lots of subscribers. Keep it up!”

He rubs the back of his neck, glances up at the camera, and feels himself blush harder. The problem is he’s just not in the mood, but if he doesn’t drop this tape in the mail today, he’s gonna start really falling behind on his classes. And maybe he shouldn’t, because that’s what got him into this new line of work in the first place, but he can’t break a habit of a lifetime, so he closes his eyes and thinks what would dean do.

Tries not to feel shame as he pictures Dean in his position and his dick starts to take interest immediately. He strokes it lightly, teasing through soft cotton, enough so it plumps up to tent the fabric before sliding his hands up his chest, rubbing at his nipples until they stiffen.

what would dean do

Sam opens his eyes, grins at the camera. “Think I should take it off?” He pulls the zipper of his hoodie down a couple inches, bites his lip, drags it further until the N and F are separated. That’s enough to trail his hand up between his pecs, up his throat, pushing his head back as he draws his fingers up over his chin to tease at his lips. Pretends it’s someone else’s hand (pretends it’s dean’s) as he sucks the tip of his index finger in and moans softly. He brings his free hand up to squeeze his pec, and blushes again. It’s not a tit, but he’s been touching himself the way Dean touches girls for so long he’s not sure he can get off without it.

Slowly, he pulls his finger out of his mouth, makes it pop loudly before tugging the zipper down completely and shrugging out of the sleeves. “You’ve got a great bod, kid, let us get a good look,” the studio said, so he pauses there, flexing his muscles, running his hands over his abs and gasping as he tickles his own sides. Goes back to his chest to squeeze and tweak his nipple, pinches one hard and gives it a little twist that makes him gasp. His eyelids are heavy as he looks into the camera again.

“I like when it hurts, just a little.” He barely recognizes the husky voice as he confides in the camera. In the thousands, maybe millions of faceless men who are going to watch this. Sam lets his eyes fall shut and pictures Dean standing there. “Wish you could touch me.”

what would dean do

Sam lets his hands fall, caresses his dick through his sweatpants with a groan. “Ready for more?” He falls back onto the bed, lifts his hips to slide his sweatpants off his hips, scoots back as his cock springs free of the waistband to thump against his belly. It’s hard and heavy, aching for attention but he avoids touching it. Frames it in his hands as he kicks his sweatpants off to the floor, pressing on the base with his thumbs to make it stand straight in the air. “Big, huh?” is not false bragging. He knows what average is, in real life and in porn, knows that he’s larger than most. Knows that he looks even bigger shaved bare, like the studio instructed. “Too bad it’s wasted on me.”

He pulls a leg up, raising his ass a bit higher, feels the tension in his abs as he reaches around his thigh to grab a cheek. Spreads himself wide, shows his hole to the camera. “What I really like… I like playing with this.” He braces himself on one elbow, reaches further, and rubs just the tips of two fingers over his hole, dry. His dick twitches, precum beading at the tip and smearing on his skin. Sam presses lightly, then harder, gets a finger in halfway to the first joint. A quick glance over his shoulder and he’s able to stretch his arm back to the bottle of lube on his nightstand. He flicks the lid open with his thumb and drizzles slick over his fingers and hole, hissing slightly at the chill.

The lube makes everything slippery, lets his first finger sink in completely and he’s got a second shoved in with a happy sigh before he remembers what the studio said. “Go slow, make ‘em wait for it.” He pulls his fingers halfway out, shoves them back in, starts slowly fucking himself and crooks his fingers up to hit his prostate. His dick leaks out more precum, a steady drip like a string of drool from where the head bobs in the air to his belly. His hips jerk, fucking back at his fingers and he bites his lip. 

“Could come like this, but you’re here for something else, right?” Sam pants, pulling his eyes back to the camera. He doesn’t stop fingerfucking his ass, feeling the soft heat clenching around his knuckles, just adds another finger and moans at the stretch. “Betcha wanna see me take… something… a bit bigger.”

He presses his fingers tight into his hole, rubs against his prostate and moans as he reaches his other hand out, grabs the dildo standing on the stand. It’s as long as he is, thick as his wrist, and he doesn’t think about how he’d picked it for its resemblance to Dean as he brings it to his lips. The position isn’t the most comfortable, but his tests showed him that it gets his face in frame without losing his ass, lets the audience see him wrap his lips around the thick mushroom head of his dildo while his fingers continue to thrust and stretch in his hole. The chemical taste of the fake dick is familiar, hours of practice for his own sake and he’d never planned to show off on camera but it is what it is. Slowly, carefully, he pushes the dildo into his mouth, opening his throat for it, doesn’t stop until the balls are pressed against his chin and he’s gagging on the length down his throat.

When he pulls it out, it’s glistening with spit. He’s gasping for air and his eyes won’t focus. His lips feel swollen when he licks them, tries to speak and has to cough to clear his throat. “Need it now,” Sam manages to say, and he pulls his fingers out of his hole, teases around the rim with the cock. “Need you so much…”

Sam struggles to relax as he pushes the head against his hole, pushes out against it, gasps and pants and whines until it finally pops through the ring of muscle, then lays there, clenching around the shaft until the burn of toothicktoomuch subsides. He fumbles for the lube, finds the bottle in the rumpled blankets where he dropped it, drips more slick onto the dildo and pushes it in farther. His back arches as he gets the toy deeper, each fraction of an inch a struggle. It’s his first time fucking himself with anything other than fingers and he’s almost sobbing with the pleasurepain of it, tears streaming down his cheeks. “De…” 

did i say that out loud?

It doesn’t matter. He’s got the whole of it inside him, filling him more than he’s ever been, and he wants more. Wants to feel weight on top of him, pressing him into the mattress, wants someone else pulling the thick shaft out and thrusting it back in, wants to feel hips pressing into his, swiveling the way he used to see Dean swivel in girls. All he’s got is his hand and a heavy chunk of silicone, so he gets a good grasp on the balls and starts thrusting and grinding the dick into him.

what would dean do

He wraps his other hand around his own cock, squeezing tight at the base, stroking himself roughly in time to the thrusts. His hips jerk back onto the dildo and forward into his fist and he throws his head back, bites back a howl and turns it into a long, low moan. It’s hard to keep a rhythm and he gives up on that, focuses on the feel of being stretched wide and stuffed, grinds back to try and get it just a little deeper, and his vision goes white as he comes harder than he ever has, spattering up his chest and he feels a few drops land on his chin before he collapses, boneless, on the bed.

Sam takes several tries to roll over, pushing himself up on his elbows and knees, but he finally gets in the studio-requested position and lets the dildo slide slowly out of his slicked-up ass, lets the camera linger on his gaping, puffy hole for a long minute before standing up with a groan, walking on shaky legs to turn off the camera. He pulls out the tape before he can chicken out, shoves it in the pre-addressed envelope and wipes himself off before getting dressed and heading out to drop the envelope in the mail, and he resolutely doesn’t think about it as he heads back to the showers to scrub himself clean.

-

Dean pulls the package out of the PO box and tries to pretend he’s doing this for noble reasons as he shoves $5k of pool hustling and poker cash in an envelope to mail to Stanford. Tries to pretend he’s gonna destroy the tape without watching it, tries to ignore the fact that the last tape was worn out from watching it before he finally broke it in pieces and burned it by the side of the road.

But if Sammy’s desperate enough for money that he’s willing to do this, Dean’s gonna make damn sure no one sees what’s supposed to be his. And if he does watch the videos Sam sends “the studio” a few times (a few hundred times) before getting rid of them, well… Dean figures he’s paid good money for these, and it’d be a shame to waste it.

[timetravelinghk]

TTHK Comic Chapter 3: Train Trouble

Part 9

All Comic Parts

Hey there! It’s been a while hasn’t it? No matter how often I try and tell myself to be more productive and consistent, nothing will change my irregular upload schedule. I’m currently more active on Twitter, where I post more frequently and share some thoughts every now and then. So if you’d like to drop by you can just click here. If you want to know what’s going on, you can proceed down below, where I go more into detail.

Like always, a big thanks to my Beta Reader, Crow! Make sure to check ‘em out!

Since I applied to an animation and game university I’ve been under even more stress. I already did so last year but with no luck. Seeing how everyone else is achieving their goals and getting accepted is something that can really drag you down. I’m afraid to fail yet again because this is pretty much my last and only chance. It would mean the world to me to get accepted there but you can unfortunately only apply for it twice. There aren’t many universities like this where I live and the ones that are there are private schools and very expensive. Very often I do not feel worthy enough and hate my art after just a few days. It feels like nothing is good enough and no matter how hard I try I will always fail and never make it far. It’s just never good enough. I know this might be the biggest artist cliché but I wanted to let you know how I feel nonetheless. Everyone can have their down phases no matter how far you have come or how skilled you are. I know that and I don’t want to be ungrateful for what I already achieved and how many wonderful people I met. I took a ‘break’ from this project for a bit, if you could even call it that. I would never fully stop on cuntinuing this comic since I already put so much work, time and love into it. And to see that people, even after more than 2 years still enjoy this series really means a lot. Sometimes it can just hurt when you see others being way more successful than you, when they even make similar stuff you do. And it’s not even who had been first, they just have a way bigger audience. So you try to become bigger as well but it just doesn’t seem to work. I’m a very shy person who doesn’t really interact with a lot of people so befriending is also not an easy option. So you try and try but it’s so little progress you make that it feels like almost none compared to others. Slowly you loose more and more motivation, knowing from all the other times you tried it won’t make a difference and it’s just not worth all the time and work. You doubt yourself even more and become less active as a consiquence. Congrats, now you’ll find yourself in a constant downward spiral where you aren’t productive anymore but want to have as much attention as others. Everytime you try to get back to being productive you just can’t get the motivation and perseverance to keep on going. 

So yeah I took a small ‘break’, played some games and prayed for the school to accept me. All in all I’m doing okay at the moment but I’ve been better. I’m sure a lot of you can relate with that condition. I can’t tell when the next part is coming out but it will eventually. I don’t want to make any promises anymore about being more productive now or new content coming the next few days. It’s like a slow mode on this blog for now. I will probably draw some other stuff every now and then for distraction and post it on my main account but mostly on Twitter.

That’s been not all but a lot for now, thank you for still being around and supporting me! See you in a few days or 2 months!