#it can only really be diagnosed with surgery

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I read Robert Jobson's biography, Catherine, Princess of Wales this week.

The anon was right - if you've followed William and Kate closely, there's very little new information or big reveals. The book reads more like a research survey/review of all the articles and public records available about Kate rather than his own work or investigative journalism about Kate. And because there aren't many real reveals, it feels a little unauthorized to me. Let me explain - usually when the rota writes a book like this or a major piece in honor of a milestone event, the writer will typically contact the palace and the palace will give them a list of names they can interview or use on background. So because there's really nothing new, I'm not sure that this book had that kind of cooperation from the palace.

I'd call it a great book if you're not very familiar with Kate and would like to know more about who she is, the work she does, and how she fits into the BRF. But also make sure you read it with some salt because Jobson does pass off Harry's book as fact (i.e., I'm pretty sure the only people who believe that William and Kate were fans of Suits is Harry. Given the few TV shows we know they've watched, Suits doesn't strike me as something in their repertoire.).

Some new-to-me reveals:

William and Kate lived on their own for their third and fourth years at St. Andrews. (I thought they'd always lived with their friends.)

Michael Middleton also had health challenges in 2024 that also required surgery, which led to William and Kate leaning more on Pippa and the Jameses for a bit till Michael was back on his feet.

Charles was diagnosed with his prostate issues in 2022 but felt he couldn't undergo treatment then because Her Late Majesty had just died and it would've caused a public crisis. (I'm really side-eyeing him/BP now for this, and I'm also wondering if the delayed treatment means his cancer spread/is more complicated than initially reported.)

Harry and Meghan were offered Adelaide Cottage when they were moving to Windsor but chose Frogmore Cottage instead.

KP drafted a statement about photogate to be from both William and Kate but William refused to release it since he had no part in it so the statement was amended to be just from Kate. (Which is honestly kind of fucked up of William. Dude, your wife just got a diagnosis that rocked her world, she's undergoing chemo, and you can't take one for the team?)

In the chapter about Kate's work, Jobson does confirm that she and William do a lot of behind-the-scenes work with their charities and patronages and that they work a "regular" schedule even on days they're not making public appearances (obviously YMMV), to which I say again: William and Kate need to be showing us that work more. They don't need to take a Wales version of the red box photo, but at least start reporting these calls and work events to the Court Circular.

Anyway, like I said - good book if you're not very familiar with Kate, but otherwise it's not really worth it. Really needed more pictures, too.

[girlblocker]

i hate womens health… how have none of you doctor freaks figured out what causes endometriosis by now

[wheelchairtetris]

hmm yet another experience of looking to see how other ppl deal w similar neuro symptoms to mine and finding endless "have you looked into eds?" comments followed by almost exclusively advice for treating eds symptoms and not my very much not eds neuro symptoms

[kenmaspuddinghair]

Honorably discharged partially disabled Simon part 3

part one part two

this one has a happier ending than the last, but Simon is diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy ( pronunciation) which is a kind of nerve damage. sorry this one took a little long I had to research for this one

exactly 1.0k words :)

Here you are all alone sitting outside a hospital room at almost 3 AM with Simon's “Ghost” mask in your hands while he's in surgery right behind you, Price left a while ago to pick up some food and the other guys in the 141. According to the doctors Simon had peripheral neuropathy from the attack about a month ago, it spiked when he got into the fight with the man back at the butcher shop, for you, he got into a fight that caused this for you. You were trying your hardest not to cry when the doctor walked out “Okay, the surgery was a success, he isn't necessarily cured right now but as long as you take the right precautions and steps, it can get better and may go away over time, it could take months or even years though. He’ll need full-time care and if you're not up for that he’ll need a different nurse. I'll get you a sheet with all the information and potential symptoms” he said, already walking away. As you were going into the room another nurse came out from the room, “Are you his girlfriend, he just woke up and he keeps calling for you, he refuses to let us see his face, but we got what we need done” and before you got a chance to correct her she went off.

“Hey Simon, how are you?” First he removed his hands from over his face then his eyes went over your entire body slowly before he answered “Can’t really feel anythin, can ya put my mask on?” you smiled at him getting closer to pull the mask over his head. “Price will be here with Soap and Gaz, he's bringing some food too” he never answered you, he just kept staring at you with this look in his eyes, you just sat by his side looking over him. You sighed, “Simon listen, I don't know if they told you, but you have peripheral neuropathy, your nerves were damaged during the attack and, when you grabbed that guy it only made things worse” You paused but before you could continue he replied in a voice so soft you didn't know he could make that sound “it’s not your fault y’know, shouldn't attacked him” you smiled but before you could continue Price came in. “I'm assuming she told you about what happened and what's gonna be happening” It was as if something clicked in Simon's mind, he pushed himself up “She can stay right? She'll still be ‘ere to help me? Right? You'll stay to help me won’t ya?” he directed the last part to you, voice breaking and dripping with a mix of worry and horror. You looked him directly in his eyes and replied simply but firmly “Simon, I will stay and take care of you for as long as you let me”

Simon was discharged around 10 AM, the last few hours he spent joking with Soap and Gaz just eating food you knew was not good for them at all, but they had to leave a bit ago so now with the help of Price you got Simon in the car and back home. So far Simon only had a few symptoms, muscle weakness, muscle twitching/shaking, and occasional numbness and/or pain, so far it's stayed confide to Simon’s right under his collarbone, the exact part of his body that was stuck under rubble for hours, according to the doctors this is the best case scenario much worse could have happened to him. The plan was for you to make sure he ate well-rounded meals and didn't over-exert himself and give him a check-up weekly for any worsening symptoms or injuries.

Currently, you were in the kitchen cooking lunch while Simon and Price talked in the living room. “You like her a lot, don't you? And don't try to tell me you don't like her, even the nurse thought she was your girlfriend, you even let her see your face. I didn't even get to see your face for years” Simon just sighed, he couldn't exactly lie it was way too obvious, so he chose the next best thing to do “So what do I do? I don't even know if she's allowed to date me” “Well she's with the military so as long as I, the captain, says it's okay then it's okay, but you know she's not gonna ask you right?” Simon started to panic, was Price confirming his worst fear right now, that you didn't like him at all and wouldn't even give him a chance. “What do ya mean she won't ask me out, like she doesn't like me? Like-” “No no Simon, like she's not going to risk losing her job by asking her patient out, meaning you have to do it. Of course she likes you, are you dense?” 

Not only was Price saying that it was okay for you two to date but also encouraging it, but now he had to work up the nerve to actually do it, it would be simply right? He would just ask you out, that's it. “Lunch is ready.” just then Price stood up, grabbing his hat “I'm gonna head out now, make sure he eats” he directed the last part to you before heading to the door “Will do” you called “Oh also Simon, I forgot to mention but I'll need to stay in your room tonight, peripheral neuropathy can be really bad for some people at night so I should be there for you just in case” Price just chucked and smirked and Simon before closing the door behind him. God, who was Simon kidding, this is the hardest thing he's ever had to do, and that's saying a lot, Simon’s done countless terrifying things that would have the average civilian crying and yet Simon was panicking over asking a girl out, gosh, what were you doing to him. 

part four

tags- @piconico17 @just-lilita @madsdawson @silversfavfics @enfppuff @solazoro @sirbonesly

[dokyumms]

seventeen's reaction to their s/o being a surgeon !

pairings: ot13 x gn surgeon!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 861

cw: none

a/n: another request done! i'm definitely not a surgeon, so this is probably not accurate T-T also, i'm going to try to start posting on a schedule eventually... but i'm not sure yet. anyways, enjoy this kings ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

scoups - he didn't even realize he could fall more in love with you until you told him you were a surgeon. not only are you smart, but you save lives (and he just thinks you look hot in scrubs)? oh he's dug himself up a deeper hole. he tries to do what he can to help you, always offering to pick you up from work even if you clock out just hours before he has to go to practice.

jeonghan - he enjoys being your stay at home wife and sugar baby lol. when he found out, he probably showed the most excitement he'd shown in a while, "so, this means you have enough money to buy me a dyson hair dryer?" he likes knowing that you're working hard while he rots on the couch, but he hates when you have to get up for work at 5:30 in the morning. you can't count how many times you've almost been late for work since jeonghan will trap you in bed with him until the very last minute.

joshua - honestly the best moral support. he really loves that you help others for a living and wants to get involved, making bracelets for all your surgical patients. whenever you're burnt out or tired, he's there to catch you as well. he wants to make sure you're always in the best state to do your job well, so occasionally he'll nag on some of your bad habits, "we need you alive so you can keep other people alive silly,"

jun - he's very curious about your job, "you do what?? tell me more," he always asks about how your day was and won't sleep till you tell him every detail. so, now he knows all the drama between your coworkers. anytime he gets injured he immediately sends a photo to you with absolutely no warning and asks you to diagnose him (because he lowkey thinks surgeon = doctor 😭).

hoshi - very explosive reaction to say the least... "WHAT?? that's like such a scary job though??? how..?" he's honestly a little scared of you now. one time he sent you a picture of a vase he accidentally broke and was like "you won't dissect me or something because of this... right?" but anytime a member disrespects him? he's instantly using you to threaten them.

wonwoo - if he didn't have enough respect for you already, he certainly does now. he lovesss having a book-smart partner. sort of like jun, but he does more research so he can engage in more conversation with you. he even read a book all about it so you don't have to explain all the medical lingo to him.

woozi - secretly very impressed. he tries to be nonchalant about it when he finds out like, "okay.. cool," but then he'll end watching a ton of videos about it later. he would've never thought someone like you could have such an enduring job, you're always so bright around him! if it were him, he'd never be in a good mood lol.

dk - he's definitely worried about you all the time now, but also you're biggest cheerleader! anytime you have a big surgery coming up, he always send you good luck messages, "my y/nnn, you got this! i'll be cheering you on ๑˃̶͈̀Ⱉ˂̶͈́๑" he totally checks up on you like every hour as well, "are you eating? well you should eat :)"

mingyu - like jeonghan, he's now your stay at home wife. he literally packs you lunch every morning and even puts in little sticky notes with surgeon-related jokes... are they funny? well, more or less, but he always draws little doodles of you in your scrubs that make you giggle.

the8 - he admires you so much for your job, and he makes sure that you know it too. when you get home from work he's just like, "you're so cool, you know," if you EVER downplay yourself, he's constantly reminding you that you shouldn't try to make it sound like your job is easy. and to your dismay, he's always flexing that he's got a surgeon as his partner.

seungkwan - impressed and worried. whenever you mention having a big surgery, he's more nervous than you (even if it's already passed). he's really big on making sure you're taking care of yourself, offering to treat you to a spa day whenever you have time. plus, it's an excuse for him to do face masks with you.

vernon - bro will NOT stop making 'grey's anatomy' references. it's too late to stop him. "there're no 'mcdreamys' at your job right?" he makes you watch the show with him and asks if it's accurate. other than that, super chill and respects your work ethic.

dino - he's scared of you, but also super proud. you won't catch this guy even coming close to disrespecting you anytime soon. also someone who will confuse surgeons as doctors, so you have to explain to them that they're really different, and no, you can't write him a doctor's note so he can skip practice because he has a 'mega bad headache'

[ramblingautisticman]

(Okay, for some reason, the repost where I was talking about this just...disapeard?? So here I go. Again. I'm just going to post it as a separate thing.)

(Also, Warning, talking about child hood cancer, experimentation and torture, and the other general dark Logan or Wade things.)

Okay! So- obviously, with the timeline, it wouldn't work- but I can just change that because why not?

Imagine Wade being diagnosed with cancer at 8. He has chemo and some surgeries, then for a good 2 years he is cancer free. Of course, though, it comes back at around 11. There isn't anything they can do this time, though. The surgeries won't work, and chemo will only prolong the inevitable, so Wade has to accept his fate. His parents get approached by someone who promises to cure Wade, though. All they need to do is sign over their legal rights in regards to him, so that's what they do. Sure, they cured him, but only after years of being tortured and experimented on. Wade thinks his parents didn't know at the beginning, but after the first few months, he started to question if they knew what this place was. His parents had never been kind people, and Wade quickly decided his parents probably didn't care what happened when they signed that waver. He survives, though. He gets his mutation, and eventually, the X-Men manages to find the facility that has been doing this. He's glad all of the other kids have been saved and most of them reunited with their parents- he had looked after half of them in that hell hole so he feels responsible for making sure they are all save wherever they go- and he goes back to the school with the other kids who don't have a home to go back to or just don't want to go back home. It's weird to be a whole 17 years of age and not knowing how to function in the world. He knows how to survive, but that's about it. So, it's a struggle to settle into the mansion at first, but he quickly takes on the role of bigger brother to the younger kids. And yeah, he finds it hard to interact with the people his own age, too terrified to deal with the possible riddicule of how he looks.

Logan's been there awhile. He was found by the Professor after a few news articles popped up about some 'strange deaths' and he had investigated. No one at the school knows much about him- they know he lived in the woods for a year when he was 13, and that the Professor found him- but that's about it. Practically all the students avoid him like the plague in the halls and at meal times. It's not that Logan tries to talk to the others anyway, and he doesn't really want too. He's used to being a lone wolf. He keeps to himself, doesn't want to deal with others shit, and he plans to keep it that way. He's gonna leave this place as soon as he is 18 next year. He isn't even sure where he would go, but he refuses to join the X-Men. He can't bring himself too- to many accidents with the claws and panic attacks to be able to help people.

Naturally, Wade decides that Logan is the person he is going to befriend. Even if the idea of being judged terrifies him, he can't help but be interested in the quiet brooding bad boy.

[ms-demeanor]

IDK that I've ever put it in one post before, but here's the transplant speedrun.

1 - Valentines day 2021, he's admitted to the hospital. We take a pre-hospital selfie then I shave his head and he shaves his beard because he doesn't want to deal with hair at the hospital. Me and his mom drop him off; at that point you can only visit someone as they are actually dying and we're told that he's going to stay in the hospital until he gets a transplant or he dies, and if he's rejected as a transplant recipient he'll receive palliative care in this hospital.

2 - First week of March, they allow patients to have one screened visitor; this is our first visit - I take photos in the hospital to show his mom because at this point he has a pump in his shoulder and it is difficult for him to move his arms to use his phone. He has also been confined to a bed since the week he arrived because he's on the ECMO machine, so he can't walk or move around, though they stand him up every once in a while. At one point one of the ecmo tubes pulls out of his femoral artery, which is Not! Great! He also needed a blood transfusion about every two days at that point, which worried the doctors because it increased his likelihood of rejecting. But he had been approved for transplant at that point!

The first thing he said to me on this visit was "look, I have abs" and then he showed me his abs because it turns out when you're really really dying of heart failure your body begins to eat itself.

3 - Now That's What I Call Jaundice (cardiac cirrhosis is liver failure as a result of heart failure and it's pretty much the big giant neon flashing sign of heart failure that says "hey you're fucking dying" so if you've got heart failure and your bilirubin number is off or the whites of your eyes are yellow please kick up a gigantic stink until they check your liver; large bastard's GP, who is my doctor, who I hate, saw his bloodwork with a very high bilirubin number a month before he was diagnosed with cardiac cirrhosis and wrote it off as a testing fluke fuck that guy)

4 - Don't let the sad face fool you, he's acting pathetic so that his mom will stop yelling about the fact that I'm bringing him cookies. He's allowed to have cookies. At that point he weighed 98kg and was outsourcing his heartbeat, he was allowed to eat whatever he wanted. (have i mentioned that I was moving us from Vegas to LA at this time? I was bringing him cookies because I'd baked hundreds of peanut butter cookies and other cookies to use up the flour, sugar, and peanut butter in the vegas house)

5 - Mid-march, he's got a match! He called me when I was in Vegas filling up the truck with another load and I drove right back and to the hospital. Once he went in for surgery I drove to his mom's house and crashed, then woke up and drove to our storage unit and unpacked the truck while I waited to hear from the doctors. I was unloading a bookcase when I got the call. (There wasn't any point in waiting alone in the hospital for sixteen hours; either he was going to make it or he wasn't and someone was going to have to unload the truck at some point. People have been weird about this, like I should have been sitting at his side all the time, but there was a two-hour daily limit for most visits and look i have sat in a waiting room while this dude had a thirteen hour surgery i do not need a repeat of that experience without the soothing balm of nicotine getting me through it; so unloading a truck it was)

6 - Two days after surgery and kind of mad about it. His chest hurt a lot (obviously) but, like, a lot a lot because they'd had to open him up for the bypass just two years earlier.

7 - First walk outside of his room after transplant in early April; he needed a LOT of PT because of how much muscle he'd lost. He lost sixty pounds in the hospital before the surgery, and only gained back about twenty while he was in there.

8 - A visit from the tiny doggo

9 - I come to visit and I've got a new phone with a portrait mode so he steals it and takes stupid pictures for a few minutes. Dude is bored and restless; this is in late april and he's feeling well enough to be moody. ETA: There is a jar of pickles in front of him because he'd been fluid limited for a long time and his salt levels were off and when he got to the hospital they were like "you need electrolytes and a lot of salt" and he was like "sweetheart can you please please please bring me delicious salty things" so I was bringing him jars of pickled mushrooms and garlic stuffed olives and just a huge number of pickles that he kept trying to share with the nurses. "Alli brought the mushrooms again; would you like a pickled mushroom? I have fancy toothpicks to share them with!"

10 - He comes home for the first time in early May; he ends up getting readmitted two more times because of complications before finally being released in early July. ETA: The second time he got readmitted it was for something that he wasn't at all worried about but that they needed to monitor for a couple weeks so he was *SO BORED* and actually feeling pretty okay; so at one point when I was leaving the parking garage at 8pm my car wouldn't start, I did some troubleshooting with the manual and the internet and didn't figure it out, so I called him and he tried to troubleshoot over the phone and got frustrated and was begging his nurses to let him come out to the parking structure to work on my car (they refused) - I ended up getting a tow and fixing it when I replaced the battery terminals.

Photos are all posted with his permission.

Also I dyed my hair purple between photos one and two because it's his favorite color. I also bought a blue dress, red tights, and yellow shoes to wear to visit him because he always teases me for wearing so much black.

I just love him a lot. It was a hard couple years there, but things are getting better.

[nerves-nebula]

Hi all! I really appreciate how much help I've gotten for Abdul over the past year but we're gonna need even more help. My friend Abdul is facing a big medical issue. TL;DR is that he's in a refugee camp and needs $1,000 very soon for hemorrhoid surgery.

I've attached the text he sent me below plus photos he sent me of him before an interview last week:

DEVASTATING INFORMATION:

Am saddened to inform you that I have been diagnosed with hemorrhoids today am having a lot of pain while going to ease my self, I pass out blood and I can't walk or seat well, When I stand for five minutes I loose blood,

I have been told at the clinic here in gorom refugee settlement to see an Indian surgeon to examine me and if possible go for a surgery before it's too late unfortunately I don't have anyone to help and the surgery might cost me around 1000$.

It can only be done in juba town which is almost 125miles away from gorom refugee camp.

URGENT CALL FOR HELP:

To anyone who sees this please spare what you have to help me because am into a lot of pain and I don't want to die at this time when my colleagues have started to do security Interviews today for USA and only waiting for the medicals to travel to USA.

Please donate to my fundraising page so that i regain my life

Thanks again yours Abdul luyombya

[athletearrhythmia]

What do you think about users like Xykolich and emofreako who torture their hearts beyond the normal limits? You seem close with Xykolich, does it ever worry you knowing what their heart is really like?

Love Xyko, haven't heard from him in a minute so I hope he's doing okay. The details of his story are his to tell but basically his heart was never gonna hold out and deep diving into the hardcore and crazy dark stuff brings him joy so... it's his heart and I'm happy he's happy. In spite of it all I really don't think he's shortening his life; if his heart was healthy then he would be, but his heart is screwed. I do wish I didn't have such a taste for intense dark play but I do, so I'm glad a guy like Xyko exists as an outlet. He's done shit to his failing heart i couldn't have dreamed up in my most twisted fantasies. If that is gonna happen to a real person I'm honestly glad it's happening to someone who really loves it. My only fear is it might inspire copycats: for the love of God, there's one Xyko and there should only ever be one, don't even think about it.

Never interacted much with emo but i love his content. He's been crazy since day one. Doing some of the most hardcore stuff around before it was popular. He's mentioned lately thinking he has HCM and I bet he's right, I'd be curious if he got it formally diagnosed/wanted to share.

Overall to me the super hardcore dark play stuff isn't a problem in itself, it's about community harm reduction. People will copy what they see and they often have no idea how dangerous what they're doing is. Like that one guy in China who keeps hiring twunky sex workers and stabbing needles into their hearts, we had a lengthy back and forth where he insisted i should do it because it's safe. For the one millionth time, it isn't. You can get away with it, you can even get away with it a lot of times, but you only have to be unlucky once and it's open heart surgery if you're lucky. I genuinely fear the day that guy kills a model.

You could debate risking your health in hardcore dark play is a form of self harm but I don't believe in that as a blanket statement. I have seen people do dark play as self harm and I've tried to redirect them then kept my distance, so I don't pressure them inadvertently. Many many more people just find genuine joy in it. To me it's all about informed risk. Really understand what you're about to do, what the consequences could be, and if you're still interested it's your body. Folks, for instance, love to choke each other during sex but there are significant dangers to doing it. Or mixing smoking, poppers and viagra. And on and on. The risk/reward is just gonna have to be yours to determine for yourself.

If you feel like the risks don't matter because you don't matter, babe that's depression please seek help.

[slfcare]

life goes on and it will take you with it

#bee tells a story on time and love (for new years', for you) cw grief, cancer mention

In 2024, I lost five people, all family members. Two of them were brother and sister, both had cancer and passed shortly after they were diagnosed. The first never knew the second would be so close to follow. She was my grandmother, in whose guestroom I slept exactly a year ago on New Year’s Eve, next to my mother. While the latter had gone out for breakfast, I found her sitting in the kitchen, still in her nightgown and bonnet. She told me she hadn’t been feeling well, and that my uncle (her second-oldest son) would take her to the doctor’s soon.

We didn’t know, then, that a month later they’d tell her that the stomach-pain she’d been experiencing had been a tumor that had spread everywhere. Another month later she’d be gone. I’d be in a candle-lit room at the funeral home, debating whether I should reach out and touch her hand before they would bolt her casket shut as I was trying to remember every inch of her face through my blurry vision. (It didn’t work.)

Her brother got his diagnosis soon after, and passed peacefully. Their cousin passed in her sleep shortly after him. My great-aunt on my Dad’s side had had Parkinson’s for a while and grew more frail and forgetful by the day, but it still came as a shock when he called to tell me she had taken her last breaths. Then there was my Dad’s cousin, a father of two, a real health-nut. He went for a normal checkup but never went home, because of an aneurysm. He ended up having several heart-attacks during and after surgery, then slipped into a coma and passed on his birthday. My Dad’s best friend was a genius, too, but this year, his aneurysm took everything from him. Last NYE he was celebrating in town, now he’s in a nursing home for the rest of his life.

After such a tumultuous year, I thought it was over. But then, on december 26th, my dearest uncle — the second-oldest son of my late grandmother, who took his mom to the doctor’s only ten months ago — was sent to the ER by his family doctor for pneumonia, and then suffered a stroke today right before he’d head home, for which he’s in surgery as I type this. When my mom told me about him, she added that my dearest cousin’s father was also diagnosed with cancer.

I tallied it up in my head. With everybody I’d lost this year, plus my friend’s grandmother, he’d be the fourth person who was diagnosed with cancer this year.

To be really honest with you all, I think all of it has had a greater impact on me than I’ve been trying to trick myself into believing. It’s been hard trying to wrap my mind around how so many bad things can happen at once. Everywhere I turned, more people passed, got diagnosed with something horrible, or had terrible things happen to them. Not to mention the state of our world right now: the genocide in Palestine, the war in Ukraine, the terrible attacks by Israel, Trump’s presidency and the uncertainty that all of it brings for so many of us. My heart aches for so many people that it forgets to ache for myself. All of this hurt is bigger than I am. I imagine it surpasses me, in some way, and that’s why I can’t really feel it.

The weirdest thing is that despite all of this, life continues. In one of my posts this year, I wrote, life goes on and it will take you with it. It has no choice but to do so. While my grandmother grew weaker, I was just a subway-ride away from her at college, trying to focus on my minor, or celebrate the fact that I got my first job offer because of a school project I had shown her just weeks prior. While three family members passed, I landed an amazing internship. While my uncle had his heart attacks back-to-back, I was planning for my future. A future that, suddenly, so many of my loved ones wouldn’t be there to be a part of.

The fact that life goes on and it will take you with it feels unfair and painful. It means that life was also rushing me past the moments I wasn’t ready to leave behind, like that moment I shared with my grandmother, as we sat in her kitchen the morning of January 1st, 2024. But at the same time, each of these losses taught me the most important lesson of the year: how real strength is born from love, how precious and fleeting the smallest moments are, how each of these moments is like the faintest little light guiding us forward. Because that’s where we must go.

Time has moved us, and the ones before us, past the most hurtful things we can imagine. Time freed my loved ones from their pain and illnesses. Time will allow me to grow with my grief and get used to its weight in the pit of my stomach and my chest. Time will show mercy to us both: see, how it has brought us to 2025?

If you have suffered loss or grief this year, or if you’ve suffered at all, or if this was the best year of your life: I wish you a better new year. Time has taken you this far and it will continue carrying you. As will life. As will love. ♡

[movingmusically]

Hi! Can you do an Austin Butler x gf!reader imagine where Austin is diagnosed with appendicitis and has to get surgery? So like let’s say it’s the day of Austin’s surgery and he’s really nervous but the reader is really supportive and is reassuring him while they’re driving to the hospital. When they get there, Austin and the reader kiss each other and everything before the doctors take Austin to pre-op. Once the surgery is done and Austin is now in his hospital room, the reader sits by his side and waits until he wakes up. Once he wakes up the reader tries to get him water and take care of him, but he’s high on drugs 😭 so he’s like all lovey dovey toward the reader and like very clingy so he just asks the reader to lay with him. A little after that, the nurse comes in to check on Austin and get him ready to go home (you usually go home the same day for appendicitis surgery) so the reader has to get up from the bed, but Austin gets all protective and doesn’t want the reader to leave his side. He doesn’t even let the nurse touch him, saying that the only girl that’s allowed to touch him is his girlfriend. The reader calms him down and lets him now that it’s okay and that the nurse has to get him ready so that they can go home. After finally agreeing to getting dressed, Austin is ready to go home. Once the nurse and reader help him in the car, they finally arrive home. Austin is pretty sore so the ready is obviously very attentive and loving with him, making sure he has everything he needs. Austin insists on laying down, so the reader helps him to the bed and they take a nap together.

You can add anything else if you’d like 😭

I apologize if there’s any typos!

Author’s Note:

Thank you for the request! I loved writing this sweet and fluffy story about Austin being nervous before surgery and clingy afterward. I hope it’s what you were looking for. Enjoy!

Word Count: 2,837

Masterlist

Operation: Love

Austin wasn’t one to complain about pain—he prided himself on being tough, brushing off bruises and scratches as if they were nothing. But when he doubled over in the kitchen, clutching his stomach and hissing through clenched teeth, you knew something was seriously wrong.

“Austin,” you said urgently, rushing to his side. “What’s wrong? Is it your stomach?”

He nodded, sweat beading on his forehead. “Yeah. Feels like… like a knife twisting or something.”

You didn’t hesitate, helping him to his feet and guiding him toward the car. “We’re going to the hospital. Now.”

He protested, of course. “It’s probably just something I ate—”

“Austin,” you cut him off, giving him a look that brooked no argument. “This isn’t up for discussion. Let’s go.”

By the time you got him to the emergency room, he was pale and trembling, the pain worsening with every passing minute. Watching him writhe on the hospital bed while waiting for the doctor was agonising. You stayed by his side, holding his hand, whispering soothing words, though it felt like little comfort.

When the doctor finally came in, her expression was serious but reassuring.

“It’s appendicitis,” she explained. “We’ll need to remove it before it ruptures. The good news is it’s a routine procedure, and you should be able to go home the same day.”

Austin swallowed hard, his free hand balling into a fist. “Surgery?”

“It’s the best option,” the doctor said gently. “You’ll feel a lot better once it’s out.”

You squeezed his hand, giving him a soft smile. “It’s going to be okay, babe. This is a quick surgery, and I’ll be right here the whole time.”

The surgery was scheduled for the next morning, giving you both the night to prepare. You spent the evening coaxing him into drinking clear fluids and distracting him with his favourite movies. But despite your best efforts, you could see the nervousness in his eyes, the way his leg jiggled whenever he thought you weren’t looking.

That night, as you lay in bed together, he finally let his guard down.

“I don’t know why I’m so freaked out,” he admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know it’s a simple surgery, but…”

“But it’s still surgery,” you finished for him, running your fingers through his hair. “It’s okay to be scared, Austin. It doesn’t make you weak.”

He turned his head to look at you, his blue eyes searching yours. “What if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing’s going to go wrong,” you said firmly, cupping his face. “You’re in good hands, and I’ll be there as soon as you wake up. You’re stuck with me, Butler.”

That earned you a faint smile, and he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “Thanks, baby.”

The next morning, you could feel the tension radiating off him as you got ready to leave for the hospital. He tried to put on a brave face, but the way he kept fidgeting gave him away.

In the car, his nerves were palpable. His leg bounced restlessly, and he kept rubbing his hands together.

“You okay?” you asked, glancing over at him.

“Yeah,” he muttered, but his tone was far from convincing.

You reached over and placed a hand on his knee, stilling his restless movements. “Austin, look at me.”

He turned to you, his expression vulnerable in a way you rarely saw.

“You’re going to be fine,” you said softly but firmly. “This is just a bump in the road, and by tonight, you’ll be back home, bossing me around like usual.”

That got a small chuckle out of him. “I don’t boss you around.”

“Sure you don’t,” you teased, giving his knee a squeeze. “But seriously, you’ve got this. And I’ll be right there waiting for you when you wake up. Always.”

The parking lot of the hospital loomed ahead all too soon, and as you pulled into a space, you noticed the way his hands gripped the edge of the seat, his knuckles white.

Once inside, you held his hand tightly as you checked him in and waited for the nurse to call his name. He kept glancing at you, like he needed reassurance you weren’t going anywhere.

Finally, a nurse approached, clipboard in hand. “Austin Butler?”

“That’s me,” he said, his voice a little shaky.

The nurse smiled warmly. “We’re ready to get you prepped for surgery.”

Austin’s grip on your hand tightened, and he turned to you, his eyes wide with nervousness.

“Hey,” you said softly, standing on your tiptoes to cup his face in your hands. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

“I’m scared,” he admitted, his voice barely audible.

“I know,” you whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “But you’re stronger than you think. And when you wake up, I’ll be right here, making fun of your hospital gown.”

That earned you a shaky laugh, and he kissed you again, lingering for a moment like he didn’t want to let go.

“I love you,” he said, his voice steady this time.

“I love you too,” you replied, your heart swelling with emotion.

The nurse gave you a moment before gently leading him away. You watched until he disappeared around the corner, your chest tight with worry but your resolve stronger than ever.

“All yours,” you whispered to yourself, taking a deep breath and heading to the waiting room.

The waiting room was cold, sterile, and far too quiet. The hum of fluorescent lights and the occasional ding of the receptionist’s phone were the only sounds keeping you company. You’d been given updates—one nurse had reassured you that everything was proceeding smoothly—but the minutes dragged on like hours.

You tried distracting yourself, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, but nothing could hold your attention. Every time the door opened, your head snapped up, hoping it was a nurse with news.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a doctor in scrubs walked into the room, a small clipboard in hand.

“Miss?” he asked, glancing around.

You stood so fast your chair nearly toppled over. “Yes! Is he okay?”

The doctor gave a kind smile, his voice steady and calm. “The surgery went perfectly. We were able to remove the appendix before it ruptured, and he’s in recovery now. He’ll be groggy for a little while as the anaesthesia wears off, but you can see him shortly.”

Relief hit you like a tidal wave, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

The doctor nodded and gestured for you to follow a nurse down the hall. Each step felt lighter than the last, the knot of worry in your chest slowly loosening.

When you entered the recovery room, Austin was propped up in the hospital bed, his head lolled slightly to one side. His eyes were closed, and his usually perfect hair was a mess, sticking up at odd angles. The sight made your heart ache with affection.

You moved quietly to his side, pulling a chair closer to the bed and sitting down. Gently, you reached for his hand, threading your fingers through his. His skin was warm, his grip surprisingly strong despite how out of it he looked.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” you said softly, brushing your thumb over his knuckles.

Austin’s eyes fluttered open, and he blinked a few times before focusing on you. A lazy, lopsided smile spread across his face.

“Baby?” His voice was rough, thick with grogginess.

“I’m here,” you murmured, leaning closer so he could see you clearly.

“Hi,” he said, his tone slow and dreamy, like he was discovering you for the first time. “You’re so pretty.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, warmth spreading through your chest. “Thanks, handsome. How are you feeling?”

“Great,” he said with a sigh, his head lolling back against the pillow. “Everything’s so… floaty. And you’re here. Perfect.”

His free hand reached up, clumsily brushing against your cheek. “I love you. Did I say that already? I love you so much. You’re, like… my favourite person. Ever.”

“You might’ve mentioned it,” you said with a soft laugh, though your cheeks were starting to burn.

“Good,” he said firmly—or at least as firmly as someone still high on anaesthesia could manage. “’Cause it’s true. Don’t want you to forget.”

His words were slurred but so heartfelt that they made your chest tighten. You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I won’t forget. Promise.”

Austin made a contented sound, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before they snapped open again. “Wait. Where’re you going?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you assured him, squeezing his hand.

“Good. Can’t go. Need you. You’re the best nurse ever. Prettiest, too,” he added, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.

You laughed again, resting your chin on the edge of the bed. “You’re a handful, you know that?”

“Yeah, but you love me,” he said, grinning like a smug toddler. “And I love you. So much. Like… infinity.”

Before you could respond, he tugged at your arm, trying to pull you closer. “C’mere. Lay with me.”

“Austin, you’re in a hospital bed,” you said gently, though you didn’t move away.

“Don’t care. Wanna cuddle,” he insisted, his voice taking on a petulant edge.

You glanced around the room, checking to see if a nurse was nearby, then carefully climbed onto the narrow bed, resting beside him. His arm immediately wrapped around you, pulling you close as he let out a satisfied sigh.

“See? Perfect,” he murmured, nuzzling into your shoulder. “Best nap ever.”

You couldn’t help but smile, your fingers gently brushing through his messy hair. “You’re impossible.”

“Perfectly possible,” he countered sleepily, a proud grin tugging at his lips.

You stayed like that for a while, the steady sound of his breathing lulling you into a state of calm. He mumbled occasionally, little declarations of love and nonsensical compliments—“Your hair smells like sunshine” and “I’d fight a dragon for you”—that made you laugh quietly to yourself.

The peaceful moment was interrupted by the soft knock of the nurse entering the room. You shifted to sit up, but Austin’s arm tightened around you like a vice.

“No,” he mumbled stubbornly, burying his face into your shoulder. “Stay.”

You laughed softly and stroked his hair. “Austin, I’m not going anywhere. The nurse just needs to check on you.”

The nurse, a woman in her late forties with a kind smile, approached the bedside with her clipboard. “Good afternoon, Mr Butler. How are you feeling?”

Austin peeked out from his spot against your shoulder, his gaze narrowing suspiciously. “She’s the only one allowed to touch me,” he declared, his voice slurred but resolute as he pointed at you.

The nurse blinked in surprise before her lips quirked into an amused smile. “I promise, I’ll be gentle. Just need to check your vitals so we can get you ready to go home.”

Austin shook his head, his grip on you tightening. “Nope. Not happening.”

“Austin,” you said gently, pulling back just enough to look at him. “It’s okay. She’s just doing her job, and the sooner she’s done, the sooner we can leave.”

“But…” His lips turned down into a pout, his big blue eyes pleading with you. “I don’t like her touching me.”

The nurse chuckled softly, clearly used to patients in post-op haze. “I promise, it’ll be quick, and I’ll only touch what I absolutely have to.”

You cupped Austin’s face, tilting it so he’d focus on you. “Babe, you trust me, right?”

“Always,” he said immediately, his expression softening.

“Then trust me when I say it’s okay. She’s helping us get out of here, and I’ll be right here the whole time,” you reassured him.

Austin huffed dramatically, but he reluctantly loosened his hold on you. “Fine. But only ’cause you said so.”

The nurse gave you an approving smile as she got to work, checking his vitals and giving him instructions for post-surgery care. Austin endured it all with the patience of a grumpy cat, his eyes darting to you every few seconds as if to ensure you hadn’t left.

When it came time for him to get dressed, his stubborn streak reappeared.

“Can’t I just stay like this?” he asked, gesturing to his hospital gown.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking. “You want to walk out of here in a backless gown?”

He grumbled but finally allowed you and the nurse to help him into his sweatpants and hoodie. Once he was dressed, the nurse left to grab the discharge paperwork.

“I don’t like her,” Austin muttered as you helped him sit back down on the bed.

You laughed, shaking your head. “She’s just doing her job. Be nice.”

“She’s not you,” he said simply, as if that explained everything.

After signing the paperwork, you helped Austin into the car, his movements slow and stiff. He winced as he lowered himself into the passenger seat, and you quickly adjusted the seatbelt for him.

“Comfortable?” you asked, brushing his hair back from his forehead.

“Would be better if I was in bed,” he grumbled, though he leaned into your touch.

“We’re almost there,” you said with a smile, closing the door and walking around to the driver’s side.

By the time you pulled into the driveway, Austin was clearly feeling the effects of the surgery and the long day. His movements were sluggish, and he winced as he tried to unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Wait, let me help,” you said quickly, reaching over to unclip the buckle and gently ease it off him.

“Thanks,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

You came around to his side of the car and helped him out, one arm looped securely around his waist. He leaned heavily on you, his usual graceful movements replaced by slow, careful steps.

“How’s the pain?” you asked as you guided him toward the door.

“Not great,” he admitted with a grimace. “It’s like someone punched me in the stomach and then sat on me for good measure.”

You gave him a sympathetic smile, unlocking the door and helping him inside. “Alright, let’s get you to bed so you can rest. I’ll grab anything you need.”

“No arguments here,” he muttered, sinking onto the couch as soon as you were inside.

You crouched in front of him, your hands resting gently on his knees. “You okay to walk to the bedroom, or do you want to sit here for a bit?”

“I can make it,” he said, though he sounded doubtful.

“Come on,” you said softly, standing and offering him your hand. “I’ve got you.”

He leaned on you as you walked to the bedroom, his arm slung over your shoulders for support. You moved slowly, matching his pace, until he finally eased himself onto the bed with a groan of relief.

“Better?” you asked, adjusting the pillows behind him and pulling the blankets up over his legs.

“Getting there,” he mumbled, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before opening again. He gave you a sleepy smile. “You’re the best. Can I keep you forever?”

You leaned down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I think you’ve already got me, Butler.”

“Good,” he murmured, his eyelids drooping. “Don’t ever leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promised, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Now, do you need anything? Water, pain meds, a snack?”

“Just you,” he said softly, reaching for your hand, his grip surprisingly strong despite his grogginess. “Lay with me?”

You hesitated for a moment, glancing at the time. “I should get you some water and check your meds first—”

“Please?” he whispered, his voice so soft and vulnerable that it tugged at your heart.

“Alright,” you relented, kicking off your shoes and slipping under the covers beside him. “But if you need anything, you have to let me know, okay?”

“Deal,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around your waist as you settled in next to him.

You carefully rested your head on his shoulder, mindful of his soreness, and let your hand rest on his chest. He exhaled deeply, his entire body relaxing against yours.

“This is nice,” he mumbled, his voice thick with exhaustion. “Feels like everything’s better when you’re here.”

Your heart swelled at his words, and you pressed a gentle kiss to his jaw. “I’m not going anywhere, babe. Just close your eyes and rest.”

Within minutes, his breathing slowed, and you felt the tension melt from his body. You stayed awake a little longer, watching him sleep, your fingers brushing lightly through his hair.

Finally, you let yourself relax, the steady rhythm of his breathing lulling you into a peaceful sleep beside him. Whatever the day had thrown at you both, this was all that mattered—being here for each other, no matter what.

[spread-the-influence]

so how would you diagnose everyone actually im curious

well , there's the obvious ! i think pomni and ragatha has autism ( i feel like they get Too interested with stuff ) with ragatha having adhd ( that woman gets distracted easily i promise you ) , gangle has bipolar disorder ( it's literally written all over her ) , jax and zooble has aspd ( they both have that chronic boredom™ ) and everyone pretty much gets ptsd after the influence .

buttt , if we're getting detailed then . um ! slowly pulls in ragatha

Undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder - i'm sorry for dropping this fucking mouthful it's the psychology autism this woman has crushingly low self-worth to the point it's kind of concerning . like it's worrying how non-existent it is . she relies a Lot on others to replace her lack of self-worth and needs them more than they need her . also , she just fits a lot of the quiet bpd type . like , becoming obsessed with a specific person ? fear of rejection and being alone ? inwardly directed hostility ? taking small things personally ? having a hard time talking about your feelings ? extreme people pleasing ??? she's not beating both the woman enjoyer And bpd allegations as you can see All Of This got Exacerbated when she was infected

Tryphanophobia (Fear of Needles) - this one is just This AU's Ragatha thing so there's no canon evidence behind it . needles is an oversimplification but it's a big one — she just has a fear of anything medical really . especially anything related to surgeries . there's still a fear of centipedes because a ragatha is not complete without a fear of centipedes

Psychosis - psychosis isn't a Diagnosis but rather a condition that could be a symptom of a mental health disorder . i'm only putting it as just psychosis because i'm nooottt exactly sure what psychotic disorder this falls under as it's not exactly schizophrenia this only really got developed post-fluence . when stressed , she sometimes hears voices of the circus members , and sometimes she hears them . she also vehemently believed she might still be infected with the virus for a while . i like to sometimes think she gets a schizophrenia diagnosis when she's out of the circus (:

[makeyoumine69]

Hello dear people in my beloved American Psycho fandom! I couldn't force myself to write this post because I didn't know how to do it, but I think now is the right time. I promised myself not to bring personal stuff into my writing, but since one thing affects another, I think I should finally speak up.

This year started pretty bad for me, I was suffering from a huge apathy and my mental health was probably in the worst state in the last few years. I had to cut ties with a lot of people and distance myself, and I'm really sorry for doing that, but I had no choice because I was literally dying from the inside. When I came back to Tumblr in 2022, I was absolutely alone and I had no friends, no followers and in some ways I felt calm and peaceful. I always thought and probably still think that I should be alone and isolated from everyone, like a soulless writing machine just producing fanfictions for people to consume. Maybe this is not a bad thing, because interacting with people always carries the risk of getting bruised?

Anyway, the thing that broke me completely was the news I received in the last days of January that I would be fired in February because my company decided to close the project I was working on due to the high inflation and bad economic situation in Russia. So now I have to find a job within February because I have a lot of financial responsobilities like paying for the medical treatment my family is getting. My grandmother was diagnosed with kidney cancer and her surgery was paid for by me and my fiancé, but the medicine costs a lot, so… after I told my mom about my news, she blamed me for everything. I was not really surprised though, considering that I have been having fights with my whole family for the past few months over different topics, but mostly they hate me for my political opinions. Whenever I say that I am tired of the war, sanctions and all the other stuff that 2022 has brought, they call me a fucking traitor. My family is ready to cancel me just because I told them I was tired of living in isolation, that I had even forgotten what my life was like before the war. My fiancé is literally the only person in my family who supports me, and even though I'm going to lose my job, he told me he would do anything for me, for us, but I don't want to be a burden. I'm really scared about the future, I think I really am now.

So, I'm sorry for not finishing the Christmas fics I promised to post, I'll try to finish them soon. Also, I'm sorry for not being active with fulfilling the requests and replying to your asks. I'm really sorry. And I know some of you might think that why I keep writing new series and working on different stuff while I have WIPs I need to finish—I'm just trying to follow my muse and I can say that it's really unstable these days, but I'm really trying to do my best and deliver something good for all of you!

I also want to thank all of you who have supported me with your donations! It means the world to me! Unfortunately, my account on the platform I was using for donations has been suspended because of… DOLLARS! They think I'm a scammer or something because the dollar is such a cursed currency in Russia right now, so I don't know if they'll unban my account, I hope they will.

Okay, that was longer than I thought it would be. To end this crazy rant, I just want to thank you guys for sticking with me no matter how fucked up I might be! I believe that one day I will find my way back to myself so that I can come back strong and refreshed!

[mavrintarou]

[3:33 PM] Suna Rintarou [1]

OKAY. I started something. I don't know where it's going but it's going to go somewhere.

Warning: TW - death & kidney failure disease, angst, daddy Rin (literally)

.

Rin sits with his face buried in his hands, elbows resting on his trembling knees as he tries to process the news he just received just ten minutes ago. It was the best news he’d heard in what felt like an eternity.

A matching kidney donor has been found for his little girl, Ren.

Eight months ago, his five-year-old daughter was diagnosed with kidney failure and began treatment right away. Rin and his wife did their best to stay strong and hopeful for her, but things only seemed to get worse.

Six months ago, he lost his wife and mother-in-law in a car accident. In such a short time, life had completely turned upside down for both Rin and his daughter. With trembling hands, Rin dialed his mother’s number, and she answered on the first ring.

“Rintarou?”

“Mom,” his voice cracked, and immediately, he was bombarded with questions. “No, no—everything is still the same… but I just got good news from the hospital…” he took a deep breath. They found a donor match for Ren. We’ll be going to the hospital tomorrow to get more information.”

“Oh, that is wonderful news. Thank the Gods,” she cried.

.

“The donor match currently lives in the US.”

Rin’s heart collapsed, “so… what does that mean?”

“When we submit test results to find a match, we don’t limit the search to within the country – it’s worldwide. We always consider the possibility that a match could come from anywhere,” Ren’s doctor explained, reminding them when they had agreed to allow any match. He gave a half-chuckle as if the situation amused him. “This is a unique case. The donor, a female adult, just so happens to be a vascular surgeon who specializes in kidney transplant patients. And now, she is getting first-hand experience.”

“Really?” Rin gasped.

The doctor nodded, “yes, I spoke to her directly this morning and she will fly out here with the time comes, so you do not need to worry about taking Ren abroad.”

A shaky breath is expelled from his chest and he looks down at his daughter who seems to be unaware of the conversation, just watching her iPad. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“If…” Ren’s doctor hesitated before continuing, “if you don’t mind me asking, Mr. Suna, I cannot reveal certain details I can’t disclose, but when I saw the donor’s match results, I was honestly stunned.”

Rin’s head tilted as he frowned, “why do you say that?”

The doctor frowned slightly and scratched the back of his head. “I recall when we were conducting tests, your family members all agreed to come in and see if they were a match for Ren. Was that… all of the family members?”

All immediate family members were tested as soon as Rin and his wife found out they weren’t a match for their daughter. Rin’s brow furrowed. “Yes, my wife was an only child raised by her mother. Her parents divorced, and she hasn’t seen her father since she was one year old. I only have one sister and my parents. Why? Is there a problem?”

“No problem at all, the donor has matched the blood, tissue, and antibody types and is currently undergoing a health test, and as soon as they pass, we can move forward with the next steps.”

.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby?” Rin murmured as he carried her into their home. With her treatment, she is often tired and vulnerable. She would sleep at odd times throughout the day.

“Am I going to get better?”

“Yes, baby. You are,” he promised, “you’re going to get better very soon.”

.

Three weeks later felt long, but according to the doctor, it was an incredibly fast process.

The donor was on their way and will arrive in a few hours. They will have to conduct one final test before proceeding to the surgery.

Rin has offered to pay for their stay while they’re in the country but they have politely declined.

 He was thankful for this person but understood why they would like to remain anonymous.

“Some donor wants to remain anonymous to protect their confidentiality and protect the recipient.”

For some reason, Rin felt an overwhelming, eager desire to meet this donor. His heart yearned to encounter this person.

.

“Go, go enjoy a night out with the twins.”

Ren hugged her teddy bear tightly, “you’ll be back later to tuck me in?”

Rin nodded, crouching down to her eye level. “Just tonight, grandma will tuck you in, is that okay?”

She nodded, “okay, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, baby, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll be home later but just late after your bedtime.” He kisses her forehead, “I’m just going out with uncle Osamu and Atsumu for their birthday.”

“Okay,” she answered with a  small smile, “tell them I miss them.”

Rin smiles, “I will, good night.”

.

“Thank the Gods my baby girl found a donor!” Atsumu slapped a hand over his heart. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all week.”

Osamu raised his glass of beer, “cheers boys, cheers to baby girl matching a donor.”

They all raised their glasses in sync. “Thank you, it’s wonderful news and everything is going well.”

“Are you going to meet the donor?” Atsumu asked.

Rin shook his head, “no, they want to remain anonymous.”

“So, that means you guys will never know this person who is giving their kidney to Ren?”

Rin nodded his head, “correct. It’s unfortunate, I really wish I could meet them to thank them but the best I can do is give them a card, maybe?”

“That’s a bummer,” Osamu muttered, “I understand where they’re coming from but it’s not like… you guys know each other, you know? What’s so bad about meeting each other.”

“I’m not sure either, but I’ll respect their wishes, it’s the least I can do after all they are doing for my baby girl,” Rin says, twisting his wedding band around his finger.

.

After parting ways with the twins, Rin decided to take a walk. He stuffed his hands into his jacket, the nights have become colder and colder. His wife’s favorite scarf hung loosely around his neck. It was one of the few items of hers that still had her scent and on days that he missed her more than usual, he would wear it, feeling a little closer to her.

It has been a while since he has gone out with the boys, let alone have some good beer and relax. It was much needed and he felt the buzz kick in.

It was a weekend and downtown was busy with a live crowd.

Normally he would avoid the crowd but something was pulling him towards that direction.

With a soft sigh, his feet began moving. He didn’t know where he was going, but he was going somewhere.

He needed to sober up before calling for a taxi, not wanting to return home intoxicated.

As he headed towards the busy part of town, it was like he was going through memory lane.

He is suddenly reminded of when he met his late wife Sumi seven years ago. They were set up through Osamu and his wife, Hayumi, and immediately hit it off. They married a year and a half later and welcomed their daughter shortly after.

Everything was going well, they were a happy family.

His heart nearly broke when his daughter was diagnosed with a disease that could take her away from him. His career was put on pause and he put his focus on his daughter alongside his wife.

His whole world completely shattered when he received the news his wife and mother-in-law were involved in a fatal car accident trying to make it to their daughter’s treatment.

He felt like a shell, barely living. The only thing keeping him going every day was his daughter.

A rush of school girls ran towards him, excitedly screaming as they recognized him.

“Oh my gosh! You’re Suna Rintarou!”

“Can I have your autograph!”

“Can we have a picture with you!”

Suddenly sobering up, Rin accepted the marker from one of the girls, signing his name and forcing a smile for the cameras.

“Goodness,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of life knowing he was still admired and recognized in the volleyball world.

“Excuse me, did you drop this?” A hand holding Sumi’s scarf.

“Oh,” Rin said, instinctively reaching for the scarf that was no longer around his neck. As he extended his hand to grasp it, he glanced at the person offering him. “Thank… you.”

At that moment, his world froze. It had been happening a lot lately, but this time, he truly felt everything stop. Time itself seemed to stand still as he stared into the eyes of the person before him.

How?

“Sumi?”

Her brow rose, “excuse me?” She blinked and then looked at the scarf and then up at him confused.

Rin grasped her shoulders, his eyes wide. “Sumi. Sumi?”

His grip around her tightened. His eyes scan her face. The eyes, the nose, the lips… everything looked exactly like his wife.

His breath heaved heavily, cold air burning his lungs.

He searched her eyes, finding anything that would prove it was his wife.

“You…” she breathed, her breath clouded the cold night.

He was unable to read her expression. Her eyes narrowed, in the way Sumi’s would when he and Ren was playing a trick on her.

His heart ache.

His hands drop and he turns away. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he rubbed his face with his hands.

He was drunk.

He was hallucinating.

He turned around and the person was still standing there, looking at him with concern and hesitation. “Are you… okay?”

She looked so much like Sumi.

Exactly like her.

“You…” he blinked, tears blurring his vision. “You look - look so much like… my late wife.”

“I think you have the wrong person, I’m sorry.” She shoved the scarf into his arm and hurried away.

.

“Is something wrong?” Rin asked his daughter’s doctor who seemed to be distracted, unlike himself.

“No, Mr. Suna.”

Rin wasn’t convinced.

He had been unconvinced by anything since two nights ago when he ran into a woman who looked identical to his late wife.

Nothing made sense.

He swears by his life that he was not dreaming or hallucinating.

She looked exactly like his wife.

“It was strange,” Rin mumbled, his eyes fixed on the chipped wood of the desk. “The other night… I ran into a woman…” he trailed off, unsure of where he was going with this conversation with his daughter’s doctor. “She looked…”

“Just like your late wife.”

Rin’s eyes met the doctor’s eyes. “You’ve met her too?”

His breath caught before he softly replied, “that is your daughter’s donor.” A heavy silence settled between them. “I had a video call with her and couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought maybe… I was – seeing things? That was a similarity but then again, we were on a virtual call.” He removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I met her… in person, this morning… and she shocked the living shit out of me.”

. . .

E/n: to try and combat this writing slump, I'll be posting random writings to get back so bear with me on this bandwagon.

@queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

[moonstruckme]

Hey luv!! Saw your requests open and was curious if could do modern au w poly!marauders and nonbinary!reader who wants and gets top surgery. If not thats okay, just ignore!! 💋

Hi! As always with these, I have limited knowledge so please lmk if there's any inaccuracies or insensitivities! I'd be happy to fix them :) And thank you for requesting sweetheart <33

cw: reader is recovering from major surgery, vaguely suggestive (but barely)

poly!marauders x nb!reader ♡ 864 words

James hops over the back of the couch as soon as you and Remus get in the door, instantly assailing you with tenderness. 

“How’d the appointment go?” he asks, providing a hand you don’t really need to go sit down on the couch. 

“Good,” you say honestly. You can hear Sirius coming down the stairs a second before he appears, giving you a quick up-down to assess your state before grinning at you. 

“Feeling good?” 

You laugh. “Yeah,” you reiterate, “it went well.” 

Remus chuckles, passing a sympathetic hand over your head as he rounds the couch to sag into the armchair. Your boyfriends are infinitely sweet in their attentions, but they’ve been treating your first post-op appointment like it’s Christmas. 

“So, is it off?” Sirius asks eagerly. 

You smile, nodding. “The vest is off, but I’ve still got the bandages until probably next week.” 

James’ knee immediately sets to bouncing as he takes a seat beside you. “Can we see?” 

“I’ve already seen,” Remus says smugly. 

James’ excitement fizzes in the air around you, and Sirius stalks toward you with purpose. A familiar tingle of apprehension skips over your skin as he leaps upon you, planting a knee on either side of your hips to keep from actually putting any of his weight on your lap. The couch springs groan in protest. Remus echoes them. 

“If you break our furniture, you’re buying the new stuff,” he warns. 

Sirius ignores him, fingering the button at the collar of your shirt. “May I?”

“Only if you quit flirting with me,” you say. 

“Christ,” James’ head lolls back on the couch cushion, “with those terms, we’ll never get to see.” 

But Sirius is already undoing your top, slender fingers making quick work of the buttons before he’s opening it up. You let the sleeves fall down your shoulders, unable to tamp down your own smile at the sight of your torso. 

“Fuck, baby,” Sirius breathes, running his thumb along the skin just underneath the bandages. Even though he’d seen your chest back at the doctor’s office, Remus leans forward in his chair to peek around James. “You look so good.” 

“I said no flirting,” you try to joke, but his eyes are earnest when they meet yours. 

“I mean it,” he says. 

Your face heats, a pleasant warmth blooming behind the bandages. 

“You really do,” James agrees. He’s looking from your chest to your face like he’s matching them up in his head. “You’re so perfect like this, angel.” 

You smile at him. “You’ve always said that, Jamie.” 

“I have,” he admits. “I mean, you’ve always been perfect, but you’re so you now, it’s like…” His smile unfurls, beatific, and your face scrunches up in apprehension a second before his smacking kiss lands on your cheek. “You’re perfecter than perfect.” 

“Cheesy,” you diagnose, the warmth of your skin increasing. “But thank you, sweetheart.” 

“Mm, you don’t look like you think it’s cheesy,” Sirius says, cupping the back of your neck and grinning at the heat he finds there. “You look quite pleased, actually.” 

“I can be both,” you counter. 

“I like seeing you this pleased.” James presses another, gentler, kiss to your temple. “You’ve seemed so happy since the surgery. I feel like I didn’t realize what we were missing out on before.” 

You tilt your head back against the cushions, looking at him. “Have I really?” You’ve certainly felt happier, but most of the time since your surgery has been spent in bed, alternately asking your boyfriends for help and complaining about how much help you need. 

James looks surprised you’d even ask, and Remus says, “Of course, dove. You carry yourself so differently, you thought we wouldn’t notice?” 

You feel your lips quirk, imagining yourself hobbling around during the walks James had forced you to go on because the doctor recommended it. “You mean like an elderly person?” 

“He means like a sure person,” Sirius says, and his gaze could melt you to the bone as it rakes from your chest up to your face. “You seem more at home in yourself.” He grins crookedly. “It’s hot.” 

“Easy.” James gives Sirius’ shoulder a little nudge. “They’re still not cleared for any of your depravities.” 

“Don’t know what you mean,” Sirius murmurs, bending to smear a kiss over the corner of your mouth. “Also, they haven’t said that yet. What did they say during your appointment, baby?” 

“I doubt that would fall under the list of sanctioned activities.” You’re unable to keep the tinge of giddiness from your voice, and your dastardly boyfriend grins at hearing it. “I’m still not allowed to do much. I thought I’d be able to shower this week, but no.” 

Sirius lights up at the last bit, and you narrow your eyes. Remus groans. 

“What?” you ask. 

“Now you’ve done it,” Remus says, managing to sound completely exasperated despite the humor in his eyes. 

“What?” you repeat, alarm increasing as Sirius’ grin spreads. 

James pats your shoulder consolingly, seeming to have also caught onto whatever’s made your boyfriend so happy. 

“I’ve found the perfect solution to our problem, sweetness,” Sirius says, tone already wheedling. “I’ll just give you sponge baths.”

[drinkumoo]

A Nurse's Recount of the Past [2]

In which a nurse from the modern day suddenly gets thrown into the Li dynasty after a dumb death.

[ apothecary diaries x gn reader ]

[1] [2] [3]

cw: misgendering mentioned briefly

It had been three months since you “woke up”. Sleep deprivation has somehow followed you here too, like a demented form of jet lag. Even worse, caffeine was strangely difficult to get here. By this time, it hadn’t even been discovered in the west yet, with the scientific revolution still on the rise. Black tea was a form of it, but it’s still relatively unpopular. Not only that, it’s a hard commodity to come by. Even if you could get your hands on it, you doubt it would hit the spot the same way your beloved battery acid labelled as energy drinks do. You even tried to explain to Guen what caffeine is and the gift it is to humanity from the gods. 

—

“Mentor, there’s a drug that’s incredibly invigorating. It’s addictive like spirits, but has the opposite effect of alcohol,” you hum in your little corner of the medical wing, writing in a horizontal format. 

Guen peered up from the grinding wheel at that. A new drug that he wasn’t familiar with? Well, he wasn’t much of an apothecary, so it’s not a shock. Still, this person in the body of his student usually spouted on and on about drugs quite often. Just the other day, they yapped on and on about something called “amphetamines” and “crack cocaine” for at least a couple hours. It was more interesting than whatever his actual student did, so he indulged them. 

“Ah, what drug is that?” Guen chirped, looking back at the herbs he was crushing with the wheel. 

“It’s called caffeine. It’s said to energize the body and renew the energy of the person taking it. The only downside is that once it’s metabolized, it can cause the body to suddenly lose the energy it had gained,” you don’t look up from your writing as you explain this “miracle drug”. You know way too much about crashing out from caffeine drinking. Hell, you’ve passed out once on the emergency room floor during a code blue. A nice security guard dragged you to the nap room reserved for residents, where you woke up confused. 

“Energizing? How so?” Guen was a bit confused. Energizing and energy renewal have multiple forms. Most medicines aided the patient to regain the energy to fight sickness. Aphrodisiacs did something similar, but for a different activity all-together. “Is it like ginseng?”

You pause from writing, seemingly thinking of an appropriate response. “Not really. It uh, wakes you up. I had it once in the west.” 

You’re really hoping this version of you either mentioned studying in the west, or was so closed off they didn’t tak about their education much. 

“I see… What did you take?” So it’s not like ginseng, Guen thought. Maybe it’s an aphrodisiac? 

“Tea. I’ll let you try sometime if I can get my hands on it,” you go back to writing, internally mourning the difficulty it is to get your fix in this day and age. 

—

You continued to write on a blank book Guen gave you. First of all, you treasure it dearly, it’s literally a living relic to someone like you. Secondly, the paper quality seemed very nice, almost like fabric. 

While the previous version of you wrote very basic notes on Guen’s teachings, you wrote everything you remember about medicine from the future. Everything from over-the-counter medication to life saving drugs. Detailed word vomit regarding surgery to the machines that prevented death. To make sure no one could fully decipher it, you wrote in mostly modern calligraphy from left to right. Hey, if the inventors aren’t here, maybe you could end up in a history book someday. 

You tried your best to write in columns, but it always felt unnatural to you. So with a bold-faced lie, you always shrug off Guen’s questions regarding the way you write. “I just write the way I was taught in the west.” 

Today was a little different than writing prescriptions and watching Guen diagnose eunuchs with common ailments. Today was the day Guen (and by proxy, you) went to the Crystal Pavilion to check on Concubine Lihua’s health, alongside checking the health of her baby boy. Walking towards the garden’s that circled the Crystal Pavilions, you could hear the chatter of some of the servants nearby. 

“Oh, that’s the pretty foreign guy!” You heard. You’re not even a dude, but okay. 

“He’s attractive,” Another servant girl agreed. “He looks kind of lost, though…”  

You felt uncomfortable at the accidental misgendering, but it’s not like you could do anything about it. The idea of someone being non-gender conforming was non-existent in this century, let alone gender neutral. Besides, you have “short” (read: shoulder length) hair according to the beauty standards for women, leading to most people assuming you’re a guy. 

You just sigh, slumping over slightly. Under your sleeves, you’re rubbing your arms subconsciously. 

“Are you alright?” You hear Guen murmur your name, and you nod in response. 

“Yeah, just… Weirded out. I’m fine, don’t worry teacher.” 

—

The pavilion was just as elegant as the history books said. The array of blues were an elegant combo of beauty and wealth. Stained hard-wood stood out like prized sculptures. The windows were an ornate, delicate design, despite the simple hardware. It took you an embarrassing amount of restraint to not become a rabid fanatic over the living history surrounding you. 

In Lady Lihua’s chambers, you stay off to the side, feeling two pairs of eyes on you. One pair a brilliant cobalt blue, the other a sharp iris violet. You take a glance over, seeing a eunuch and a very attractive person, assumingly another eunuch next to him. Your eyes widen slightly at the sight of the eunuch. He’s very attractive in your opinion, but you shouldn’t impose. Not here, anyway. Unlike the eunuch, the owner of those violet eyes is dressed far more lavishly. While you don’t care for the value of materials, what they are made into holds more weight. Telling by the shorter eunuch’s appearance, that’s more high quality than what it appears to be. Now that you think about it, he looks a lot like that tragic character from history…

Must be someone important.

Hearing your name from Guen’s lips, you walk over carefully towards the mother and child, Lihua and her baby. Seeing the famous concubine from history has you very giddy, but you manage to hold back your excitement with a stoic expression. Your concern is overriding it, afterall. 

She looks gaunt despite this being your first meeting with her face to face.  Clearly she has lost quite a lot of weight, and that isn’t even from her pregnancy. While you yourself haven’t ever been pregnant, you know enough from the labor and delivery department from your time that mothers who lose so much weight are having other health issues on top of their recovery. 

“... I see. May I speak freely Lady Lihua?” You ask, raising a hand towards your chin. She nods slowly in response before looking at her child in the crib next to her. 

“While I cannot speak of any underlying issues for now, I’d urge you to have light foods like porridge with fruits in filling portions to help you regain some weight,” you speak, nodding your head solemnly whilst glancing at her baby. 

She nods, but it’s already time to go. Guen had already agreed to stay to attend to the prince while you’re off to go attend to Concubine Gyokoyou. You send a quaint nod to Guen, who nods back, before following the two eunuchs outside towards the Jade Pavilion. 

“You must be the doctor’s apprentice, yes?” The shorter eunuch smiles charmingly at you after saying your name. You nod mutely in response.

Ikemen man, huh? The girls from the twenty-first century would go crazy for him.

“I am Jinshi, and this is my guard Gaoshun,” the ikemen, Jinshi adds on. Gaoshun the dilf the other eunuch nods mutely as well. 

“Pleasure to be of service, Master Jinshi, Gaoshun,” your eyes drift back to the road in front of you. 

“Doctor Guen said you’re highly knowledgeable on drug effects,” the purple-haired male hums, regarding you with a polite slime, “and that you were taught medicine overseas?” 

“I was, yes,” you rub your arm sheepishly as you respond. Technically, you are. You went to a university in America before returning home to the Li region. And well, you’re technically a foreigner. Guen even commented on your more foreign features once.

The conversation dropped abruptly, leaving the three of you in a neutral silence. 

Once arriving at the Jade Pavilion, the design felt both striking yet soothing. Fuschia and teal lined the walls, the embroidered flowers a touch of delicate beauty surrounding you. In a way, it felt more comfortable here, like a peony petal versus the deep blue cornflower that is the Crystal Pavilion. Que you holding back another long winded yap session on the architecture of ancient Li. 

Even Lady Gokuyou was like watching history play itself before your eyes. Like Lady Lihua, the books couldn’t describe her beauty. It was like seeing a human peony in front of you. However, her state concerned you immensely, however not the degree Lady Lihua has been in. you immediately took note of the similarities of her health to Concubine Lihua. Same unusual weight loss, same unwell state of her baby girl. You advise her the same advice as Lady Lihua, the same downtrodden look in your eyes. Seeing both women in such states reminded you of the mothers in the hospital. The ones withering away from sickness. The babies in NICU, their laboured breathing always unsettled you. 

You could only hope for both concubines and their children to pull through.

—

You didn’t see the two concubines again until an incident occured.

While walking back from a warehouse storing medical records, you see both Lady Lihua and Lady Gokuyou in the main courtyard, arguing. A loud slap filled the space. Your mentor Guen was there in between the two women, trying to mediate the situation.

“It’s your fault!” You heard from Lihua. 

The concern bubbled up from what you could only assume to be a lady-in-waiting for Lady Gokuyou. She rushed over towards the fallen concubine to assist her. 

“You’re trying to curse my son because your child is a daughter!” Lady Lihua shrieked, her face looking even worse for wear since the last you saw her. You hope she took your advice, but it seems like whatever’s going on with her hasn’t stopped deteriorating her health. 

Lady Gokuyou barked back, “You know that’s absurd! My Xiaoling is sick, too!” 

Whispers filled the crowd regarding the two women as you approached the scene, behind the rest of the group of servants and eunuchs. 

“That’s why I’d like you to examine my daughter’s state as well,” Lady Gokuyou added, glancing at the doctor between them as you tried to get through the crowd, but to no avail. 

“Yes, well…” He hasn’t been at the office as often as of late. You only checked on the two concubines once, as you’re only an apprentice doctor. Every time you’d insist on helping, he’d mention it’s his duty to make sure the health of the highest ranking concubines were adequate. Seeing Lady Gokuyou as the only medical professional was a one-time thing, unfortunately. 

A girl slipped from the crowd, locking eyes with you briefly. It was the same girl who was with her friend while your teacher and yourself were headed to the Crystal Pavilion. You could see it in her eyes; a knowing look. 

So she knows something’s up with the mothers healths, but what is it exactly?

You spot Jinshi and Gaoshun, but your attention is on your mentor. Once the crowd begins to fixate on Jinshi speaking with the concubines, you drift off to Guen.

“Teacher, you need to speak up more,” you scold mixed with a sigh, rubbing your nose bridge, “That was a mess to witness.” 

“I- well.. It’s difficult to watch over the health of not only Lady Gokuyou and Lady Lihua, but also their children! I don’t know how to treat them, but I can see the sickness on them..!” He snaps back, before sighing as well. A soft “sorry” alongside your name leaves his mouth.

While he hasn’t snapped this harshly at you before, it is still jarring to witness. Eh, nothing like what the nurses back in your old job used to say towards you, and that was after the six months of hazing. 

“...I understand Teacher, I’m sorry,” you replied back, softer this time.

—

Just a month has passed, and things haven’t improved. You’d even argue shit thoroughly hit the fan after it was found out the prince, Lady Lihua’s son, had passed. While Xiaoling, Lady Gokuyou’s daughter, was still alive, she wasn’t doing all too well either. Much like her mother. Much like Lady Lihua. 

During an examination with Lady Gokuyou, you stood a couple meters back when that same girl from a month ago was brought in. Your eyes flickered back to her, and you quickly met eyes once more. Lady Gokuyou was doing significantly better now, so was Xiaoling. How or why? You never knew. You’re just glad it turned out to be the case. 

Gokuyou stood up from her stool, holding Xiaoling. Guen retreated back towards you as you glanced over to your mentor. You mostly tuned out the conversation between Jinshi, Gokuyou, and the girl who was revealed to be an apothecary before her employment at the rear palace. Maomao, you think her name was. 

Only when the topic of poison was mentioned did you start tuning back in. Quickly reading the cloth Jinshi brought out from his sleeve, your eyes widened.

How could I have forgotten?! Face powder in this time period is loaded with lead!

Guilt pools to your stomach as you reflect on your appointments with not only Lady Gokuyou, but Lady Lihua as well. No wonder they seemed so unnaturally pale. It was their make-up. You must’ve written it off to just be their health declining, causing such pale faces. Your eyes meet the floor, glazed over in paralyzing shame. 

I could’ve done something. I should’ve known better. 

You aren’t able to hear most of the conversation after that. Ringing filled your ears as panic filled your nerves. You did your best to hide it, but you’re not sure if it did much. Your breathing quickly became shallow as if you couldn’t breathe. Your eyes unfocused as you struggled to comprehend the room around you. The prince didn’t have to die. You let him die. This is your fault.

No. Calm down. You’re overreacting.

Calm down.

Calm down!

Calm down for fuck’s sake! This isn’t the time for this! 

“It is truly a sin to be ignorant,” you finally manage to hear. From who, you’re not sure. While it isn’t comforting, it snaps you out of your panic attack. 

Whoever said that, they’re right. You need to be better. You’re from a time where technology surrounding medicine is at an all time high. You have knowledge beyond what’s available now. 

You need to be a better nurse. For everyone’s sakes.