#it can be COMFORTING to read about GOOD characters going through the journey of LEARNING how to do/be better. because i didn't have that.

[oceanic-sunsets]

i'm tired of pretending i don't want to read a fic with a time-period-accurate portrayal of the party's reaction to will and mike coming out/dating. i do i want to read it so badly

[Disclaimer: no i do NOT mean i wan't to read the party being homophobic outright. I mean confused, curious, unaware, and ignorant reactions. A natural journey of learning how to support your friends and not make it weird, with some mistakes along the way.]

[ivesambrose]

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 🥂

1. 2. 3.

Do I dare ask how 2023 has been for y'all?

Pick the image you feel the most pull towards or have been seeing around you a lot, if you feel drawn towards multiple, so be it. 🤍

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at Ivesambrose@gmail.com

Personal services

Winter Specials

Thank you for the tip 🌹

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 1

Your central theme is rising from the ashes. You're in the process of the most intense metamorphosis yet. A new dawn, a new day, a new life.

You'll feel empowered, passionate and obsessive about your pursuits. You'll allow the old skin to be ripped off of you and you'll no longer be scared to be you.

This year brings you connections, admires, collaborations, unions both in personal and proffesional life.

There's a certain duality in you that you haven't explored yet, but you will in the coming months.

You'll have good health for the most part compared to the previous year. Your family will be taken care of. The hope and assurance you may have lacked from them will come through. It will feel warm and refreshing. (Goes for chosen family too)

Romantically, you may be focused on your career or just living your life a lot. But someone might want to build a legacy or long term relationship with you.

If you're already coupled, the focus goes to building what you have and looking after domestic affairs and see things bloom.

Proffesionally, you will have your most successful and blessed year. Money shouldn't be a problem and even if it seems like it, your needs will always be met and you'll still have more.

Some of you might enjoy ghe fruits of your labour extensively. This goes for the ones who work solo or run their own business etc

Academically, you might feel a bit disinterested. Might move out from your home or change subjects. Take up something completely new. Might face your fears and push through but make it a point to follow your inner calling for the most part.

Themes centered around relationships and partnerships are significant this year as well opportunities coming out of the blue that call you to heed your intuition and step out of your comfort zone or limiting mindsets, that will inevitably lead to travel, progress and new experiences.

Make the best of this year, it'll feel like you're finally on the journey you've been preparing yourself for all this time.

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 2

Your central theme is using your emotions as your guiding force, using it as fuel and not seeing it as weakness. Quieting your mind so you can listen to your instincts more. Healing from things you don't speak of, that you've felt have persistently held you back from your potential and finally taking the lead. You'll feel like the main character in your life finally, instead of seeing everything through the lens of a side character no one remembers.

You'll feel motivated to follow what makes your heart happy. You may be faced with choices a lot this year, a lot of this or that in several aspects of your life. Trust yourself to make the right decisions.

You'll be learning about your mind and body this year, so incase you go through ups and downs in your health you'll be able to manage it but also guide others too.

Romantically, you might as well get your happy ending. I see that you're mostly focused on the complete picture. Not bothered with what is going on in between too much. So you'll get what you're manifesting eitherway.

Proffesionally, a rebirth or evolution will take place. Something new that will grow overtime. You'll be driven about it. So success will be imminent.

Success in academics as well, feeling proud of your achievements.

Themes around revolution, personal development, healing generational trauma, humanitarism, technology as well being open to the unknown will also be prevalent this year.

Learn to make amends and embrace the breakthroughs this year has to offer you.

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 3

Your central theme is related to wealth, inheritance, change of lifestyle, receiving help, building a legacy and feeling more secure. Some of you will see a success or change they did not see coming, it was hidden for the longest time.

Some of you may even be leaving poverty behind for a more financially secure life.

You'll find yourself blooming, physically especially. A glow up in your looks and quality of being is going to be imminent. Focus on health, beauty, food, routine etc as well. A lot of you will be experiencing vivid dreams, strange synchronicities etc too will be learning about esoteric subjects, occult or the subconscious mind a lot. You'll also be receiving success and recognition or you might be building your steps towards it that will eventually pay off in the long run.

You'll feel like this old self or image of you has died. You may even mourn it for some time but will feel more powerful, confident and self assured once you're past that.

Romantically, you'll be feeling desirable and might attract a lot of suitors. Your self concept will improve exponentially, so will your standards. So nothing less than what you want. Your intuition will be at all time high. Fear no one and nothing. Some of you might also be moving to a new house too or might end up owning something in your name.

Proffesionally, although you might deal with competition you won't be too worried. You know your skills, you'll have your resources, your work will speak for it self and you will stand out.

Friendship, community, discoveries and gains are also some of the themes surrounding you this year.

Let your imagination create for you. You'll soon realize there's so much power in allowing yourself to receive what you desire by simply being instead of doing too much.

[suzannahnatters]

Subplot Romance

Over the years I've created some twitter threads on writing and history and I've decided it's a good time to start compiling and sharing them on this Tumblr. I'm going to tag them "writing".

-

Here's what I've learned about writing subplot romance. (People who write genre romance probably already know this stuff. It's those of us who are mainly leavening romantic subplots into fantasy novels that need this info).

1. Romance = fundamentally character-driven. All internal conflict & internal growth. (Can these two trust each other? Will their character flaws drive them apart?) The more study you put into creating characters and building character arcs, the better your romantic writing.

A romance arc is not the SAME as a character arc, but it 100% NEEDS solid character work undergirding it.

2. Romance needs two ingredients: a compelling reason for the characters to be TOGETHER, & a compelling reason for them to be APART. This forms the conflict in the romance so do not skimp on either.

Eg, a common mistake in male-penned stories: female lead has no compelling reason to want male lead. "He's a good-looking warrior dedicated to winning her throne!" Yeah nah, she's literally surrounded by good-looking warriors dedicated to winning her throne, why's he different?

3. Romance needs chemistry = a believable spark of attraction. Something that blew my mind when I realised it: romantic chemistry =/= sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry (purely physical attraction) is simply PART of romantic chemistry.

Romantic chemistry is a good deal broader. (Read/watch some good romances to see how chemistry is built by different storytellers. One fave of mine is the Romola Garai EMMA. Peerless friends-to-lovers chemistry. Watch the actors' body language; the way they gravitate to each other; the way their faces light up)

Chemistry tip A: if the driver behind sexual chemistry is lust, the driver behind romantic chemistry is trust. Protag needs/wants someone to trust. It's the way you play with trust/distrust that will create romantic tension.

eg: love interest holds protag's hand. With sexual chemistry, protag simply feels a jolt at the contact. With romantic chemistry, protag feels comforted and trustful - then betrayed when it turns out LI is tracking her pulse to see if she's lying to him (see: MISS SHARP 😇)

Chemistry tip B: if protag is falling for someone, that person should occupy their mind. LI should be mentioned/thought of each scene, even when absent. When present: LI consistently provokes unaccustomed emotion - either positive or negative, depending.

Chemistry tip C: make the characters their best/most lovable/most iconic selves when with each other. Quirkiness, smarts, hilarity. Make these the most fun character scenes in the book & the audience will ship them. Passionately.

4. Build romantic chemistry/attraction through escalating moments of trust and tension. If aiming for happily-ever-after(HEA)/for-now(HFN), then the overall arc is towards greater trust, but you need those moments of tension to give the big payoff scenes appropriate catharsis.

OTOH, if you're writing a tragic/backstabby romance, you need the trust/comfort moments in order to sell the big tragedy/betrayal.

5. Trust, comfort, & happiness are POWERFUL. This is what genre romance thrives upon. Even in dark/spiky stories, the most surprising thing in the story can be the moment when the LI DOESN'T betray the protag. That too can be wildly cathartic. Use it.

6. Just as character-driven skills help you with romance, so if you master romantic writing, you'll be better able to write ALL types of relationship - platonic, friendly, hostile.

OK that's all so far. Two book recs: ROMANCING THE BEAT by Gwen Hayes & THE HEROINE'S JOURNEY by Gail Carriger teach you the rules/expectations of genre romance so you'll know what the rules are for a happy romance subplot & how to break them for a tragic version.

[utilitycaster]

I kinda felt disappointed and kinda disheartening in the discussion surrounded taash being non-binary and people just framing their gender identity discussion as just baby first queer meetup it just I've been out for several years as non-binary and I still don't have access to these kind of outlets I don't know but I guess people forget that everyone journey is different.

and also like it does make sense for taash experience to be like that since its literally their first time exploring new gender identities?

Hey anon! I think that's exactly it - this isn't at all limited to people talking about Taash or the Veilguard fandom (or people who played and didn't like it) but on some level Taash actually seems to me to exactly play out the (explicitly canon scenario) of "what if you felt like something was weird or off about how you experience yourself but didn't know what and it had been going on so long that you'd internalized it and thought it was normal for everyone and this also got caught up with your complicated relationship with your mother and you blew up at your coworker for walking around in a kinda low cut shirt on her own personal time and instead of being like WELL FUCK YOU TOO she was like 'interesting. why are you doing this because I don't think I'm the problem.' " Like, I was on a lot of feminist websites aimed at young women in the early 2000s as a teen and so lesbianism and bisexuality were both talked about a lot but no one was like, bringing up Kate Bornstein and Leslie Feinberg and actual THEORY until college. Like, truly, until maybe 15 years ago, when social media with an anonymous angle started blowing up? You had your gender and sexuality discovery through doing and living and talking to other queer people irl or by finding a library or bookstore that had what you needed, if you even knew what you needed beyond "I'm weird and feel wrong." You had to go to a group. You can literally read Alison Bechdel's account of doing this for lesbianism in the 80s. Taash is actually just acting like someone who can't privately learn all of this from a carrd and has to actually talk to people and take notes. And as for the actual term...you know how people always mock historians for being like "these two people were close friends" and they're like OH MY GOD THEY WERE FRIENDS WHO WANTED TO BE BURIED TOGETHER? Well, have you considered Taash is referred to as nonbinary and has the whole pronouns discussion because if you go with more euphemistic language, again, someone will be like "no this is just representative of gender nonconformity" and call Taash a tomboy.

I don't want to derail the above but I do feel a lot of people online, especially who have been on social media from a very young age, just...struggle to comprehend the following three things to a degree I find worrying.

perspectives, opinions, and experiences that are different than yours are good things to experience regularly; you should expand your mind and comfort zone

representation does not mean "people who had the same exact experience with the same exact outcomes as you for the same exact gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/gender" and is just as much to show people not of those demographics the inner life of characters who are

You do not need to like a character as a person to find them interesting or well-written/acted.

and i feel a lot of weirdness towards Taash coming from people who are nb or queer themselves lands in those categories.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 11/5/2024

i am going to do my absolute fucking best to stay off the internet today. also the next time i write one of these i will be goddamn thirty. yeesh.

listening

it took three hours to make a normally brisk 50-minute trip back from the airport on sunday bc there were simply so many accidents. my phone wasn't charging, i was kind of locked into the one way i actually knew how to get home, it was pouring, and the only radio station that was reliably coming through was the local dad rock station.

i don't think i've ever actually heard this song all the way through before! i have of course heard the chorus in eight billion advertisements and trailers etc, but i tuned in right at the lyrics

I was a willow last night in my dream I bent down over a clear running stream Sang you the song that I heard up above And you kept me alive with your sweet flowing love

big ren faire lady of shallott vibes.

-

reading

witch hat atelier, the first twelve volumes that are out in english anyway. let's yoink the setup from the fan wiki.

Coco, a girl living in a small village, had been dreaming of becoming a magician since little. But people who don't know how to use magic since birth are unable to become magicians, or witness the moment magic occurs. But one day, Coco accidentally saw Qifrey, a magician that was visiting the village casting a spell. Ecstatic to finally know how magic works, she tries it immediately and transforms her mother into a stone statue. With the help of Qifrey and his disciples, Coco will embark in a magical journey to save her mother.

this gets a lot of ghibli comparisons, and i get it-- there's a lot of concern about healing scars from a near-cataclysmic magical war, lots of contraptions, bucolic countryside, loving shots of food, etc. i think there is a focus on academia and cohort-building, and how networking is a profession all to itself, that we do not generally see in ghibli films. i think the comp pull should go beyond the aesthetics, as well, but ghibli is still a good comp-- the world of witch hat atelier is dangerous and can hurt or kill you, but it treats the reader's heart with the same care a ghibli movie will. things may not be happily ever after or go perfectly at all times, but there are no twists for the sake of twists, and it doesn't sneer or make fun of you for caring about a character. there are no whedonesque "well THAT happened!" moments. these characters are going to learn and grow and you will learn and grow along with them goddamnit. it is queer but incidentally queer. the folx side of the fags-folx spectrum will feel very welcome here but this is not a tenderqueer kind of gay book. characters are incidentally gay because of course they are, that's just how the world works, look at all the fullness of human expression you can encounter in your one short life, why NOT be gay

i did not expect this series to kickstart a fresh wave of grief for my own academic experience. coco leans on her cohort so much and they truly do work together to solve problems and come up with good solutions and i wish i had had that kind of astronomy experience. it's kind of cold comfort that i don't know and have never heard of a woman having a good astronomy experience.

witch hat atelier: very fun to sink into the details on a page (Kamome Shirahama knows how functional but pretty clothes work), endlessly charming veneer on a very taut game of political ethics happening in the grownups' background

-

watching

happy noirvember!!!

Another Man's Poison (1952, dir. Rapper) courtesy of Kanopy's little revolving carousel of new noir films.

An English mystery writer (Bette Davis) kills her husband, then tries to kill a man (Gary Merrill) posing as her husband.

In his review in New Statesman and Nation, Frank Hauser wrote "No one has ever accused Bette Davis of failing to rise to a good script; what this film shows is how far she can go to meet a bad one."

a plot that could only happen in a country where appearances are everything. i must agree with mr hauser and most of the critics of the time who said Huh???? to the script and basic premise. AND the ending is a little too pat. a breakneck ninety minutes filmed in three months where its stage play bones show. however i really like Bette Davis and it's so much fun to watch Bette Davis pace around an English manor house like a caged tiger.

-

playing

fallow week, i am having a consistent problem with the now five year old gaming rig overheating and once i solve that issue i am very excited to play Red Dead Redemption the original (thank you again @pasta-pardner !)

-

making

deep cleaned my entire house. drove three hundred miles this weekend to pick up my sister and her friend from the airport, go to the ren faire, come back from the ren faire, and take them back to the airport. houston delivered to me some of the worst fucking driving experiences i have ever had here. really upsetting torrential downpour for nearly an hour on a road with no shoulder to speak of.

the actual ren faire was fun! i did not realize how vital a chair or bench with a fucking back was to my rest and recovery. it was nice to go with fellow adults and not help wrangle several small children, as fun as a kid-friendly experience can be. got my overpriced gyro for the year. got my bootleg anime merch for the year. wish it hadn't rained but i feel very smug for packing enough umbrellas and ponchos.

[kylorengarbagedump]

Playing Soldier: Chapter 7

Read on AO3. Part 6 here. Part 8 here.

Summary: The longest stay you've ever had from home is about to become much longer.

Words: 5000

Warnings: Medical trauma

Characters: William Tavington x Reader

A/N: Cowritten with @bastillia <3

Off we go into the field! We are loving your comments, your thoughts, your excitement and engagement in the story - truly, we are so lucky. I hope you continue to enjoy what we have planned for the future!!

Please credit all of Grace's letter to Bastillia and her genius. Also, please thank Bastillia for her newly formed fixation on the American Revolutionary War - it's because of this we can't help but bring in actual historical figures like they're our blorbos as well, HAHAHA. It's been a lot of fun learning about history and integrating it into the fic (even if The Patriot was not always hyper-concerned about this LOL)

Love you so much! <3

The letter was crisp, addressed in handwriting that swirled across the page like fairy dust. Grace’s penmanship, for certain—something you’d always envied when comparing it to yours, which bore more resemblance to cresting waves in a storm than anything meant for man’s eyes. It had been dated for a little over a week prior.

“Thank you,” you said to Goddard. “You said this was given to you by whom?”

“Major Ferguson,” he said, stepping further into the kitchen. Then, upon glimpsing your expression and perhaps realizing you couldn’t have possibly known who in God’s sweet Holiness that was, he continued bashfully, “The Major, er, commands another unit that was deployed into the backcountry. Lord Cornwallis ordered most of us to return here to Charleston about a day ago.”

You nodded, turning the paper over in your hands. “I see.” What you wanted to ask but didn’t: Does that include Colonel Tavington, then?

It’d been about two weeks since you’d last seen him in his office. You supposed he’d made good on his intention and set out from Charleston that evening. But he’d been in the field since then, and the status of your parole hung in the balance. Ghoulishly, a part of you had hoped he’d been killed in action. Perhaps even more ghoulishly, another, hungrier part of you had wished for him to return.

You’d tried to sate that part with nightly hand-feedings proffered between your legs—but still its appetite rose anew and greedy every morning.

“Who is it from?” said Lottie. “Your sister?” She peered over your shoulder, her red curls bouncing into her face.

Goddard gave a playful frown, running his hand through hair that matched his sister’s in color and texture. “I suppose I’m not offered a greeting?”

Lottie laughed, moving around you and throwing herself into his arms. “Welcome home, Benny.”

You grinned. “Yes,” you said. “It’s from Grace.” You peeled open the wax seal and started to read.

June 10 1780

My Dearest Sister,

Though I write this on only the sixth day since I bade you farewell, I feel it has been a lifetime. You will be glad to know that I was yesterday evening delivered home in most agreeable fashion by the company of a Major Ferguson, who attended to my utmost comfort and happiness the whole journey from Charlestown ; a great improvement, I say, upon the accommodations granted to me thence.

It has been made plain to me that the disruptions we endured, Sister, were the most unfortunate results of misunderstanding. A pity that though I beseech God to upend time, He does not heed me. Impossible notions vex and bedevil my sleep night upon night—would that I might stay Death’s hand before he took Mary and Nathaniel and Elijah and Adam. I can hardly bear to think of them, yet it is with shame and difficulty that I place my thoughts anywhere else.

In my most fitful hours on the road—

“I hate to interrupt,” said Goddard, very irritatingly interrupting. “But I fear the hospital may soon be teeming. We skirmished with militia on the road, and our field medic couldn’t attend every man.”

“Oh!” Lottie looked at you, her brown eyes wide with concern. “We should certainly go and help, then.”

You frowned. You were already feeling a little concerned about Grace’s inclination to Loyalist sympathy in the letter. “Can I not have ten more minutes?”

Goddard shook his head. “The colonel already wishes to depart this evening and needs every possible man made fit.”

So Tavington was back in Charleston. For now.

“Out again?” Lottie said. “But you all only just returned.”

“Yes.” Wincing, Goddard stepped past you both to grab a cloth hanging from the stove. As he wiped his face, he sighed. “Lord Cornwallis is holding a council of war. Colonel Tavington is in attendance with the other commanders, but he hopes to gather more cavalry and depart again by nightfall.” He looked apologetic. “You know how he is.”

You pursed your lips, folding the letter and stowing it in one of your skirt pockets. You know how he is, he’d said, as if everyone in the room all had the same experiences with Colonel Tavington, and everyone in the room all held the same opinion about his demeanor, body, face, hair, hands, and eyes.

And mouth.

“A council of war?” you asked, pushing thoughts of all of William Tavington’s body parts to a corner of your mind that you’d revisit in the evening. “What ever for? I thought the Continental army had left South Carolina.”

“Most of them,” said Goddard, plucking a peach from a bowl on the counter. “But they aren’t the problem. Evidently there’s been a disaster involving a group of Loyalists that the General sent north.” He bit into the fruit and sighed, savoring it.

“What sort of disaster?” Lottie asked, her eyes great dark pools of worry.

Goddard shrugged. “Men died,” he said around a mouthful of peach flesh before swallowing. “Lots of them. Don’t know the specifics. I expect we will be receiving new enlistment quotas, though, especially with these militia pestering us now.”

Lottie frowned. “Perhaps we should—”

“Have you had many encounters with militia?” you asked, your pulse picking up. “They seem to have amassed rather quickly.”

“Putting it lightly,” said Goddard, sighing. “Even with Charleston back under the Crown, it seems the rest of the colony remains determined to resist. We even found a small holdout of Continentals up the Santee.”

“Continentals?” you pressed, struggling to maintain a neutral facade. “I query why they would not have rejoined their forces in North Carolina by now.”

“Seems they received a dispatch following the Waxhaws battle, and stayed.” Goddard shrugged and took another bite of peach. “Tenacious, those men, I’ll admit as much.”

“I’m sure it’s all very interesting,” Lottie said, waving you toward her. “But if the hospital—”

“Did your forces engage them? How many were there?” You spoke just a little too quickly, but you were finding it harder to restrain yourself. “What was in the dispatch they received?”

Goddard raised a brow and glanced at Lottie. You consciously corrected your posture so that he might not think you liable to lunge at any moment. He relaxed.

“I, er, I can’t be certain what it said,” he replied. “I never saw the message.”

You exhaled in frustration. “I imagine you were unable to capture the messenger himself, then.”

“Actually, we were able,” Goddard said. Your heart leapt into your mouth. “Colonel Tavington became nigh on feverish in his pursuit.”

Your next question hung like a noose from your tongue, your body rigid as a gallows. “Who…” You swallowed. “Who was the messenger?”

Goddard furrowed his brow and shook his head, like he couldn’t fathom why you were so interested. “Some boy.” He waved his bitten peach through the air. “A… ‘Martin?’”

You nearly sagged in relief, instead bracing a hand against the kitchen table and affixing a passive expression to your face. “Oh.”

“The colonel made a…” Goddard winced, “compelling example of his family.” He paused, grimacing again. “And of their property.”

“I don’t want to hear of such dreadful things,” Lottie interjected. “Anyhow, we really must be off.” She grabbed your wrist. “Let us not stay the King’s men their care.”

“Yes, of course,” you said, forcing a nod. Though your worry was assuaged, your curiosity was very much not. You had, however, pushed both too far. “Let’s be off, then.”

The morning air was already ripening with heat, sticking to your tongue as you breathed it in. You were glad to be rid of your sling, sweltering thing that it was, before the summer’s wrath descended in full. In the smallest of ways, it was freeing. Even if your shoulder did still twinge with pain from time to time, it grew stronger each day. One less restraint upon your body. And one less reason for anyone to insist you couldn’t be of use.

You had welcomed the introduction of hospital labor into your routine. It hadn't been necessary, but staying in the Goddards’ home on your own only chafed your invisible shackles. Without a distraction, you imagined yourself as an anxious dog pacing in a barren cage. Working in the hospital also gave you the opportunity to collect information while wearing one of the most innocuous disguises available.

And besides all of that—you were good at it.

“I hate that the colonel keeps Benedict away so frequently as of late,” Lottie said as you followed her on the cobblestone. “I worry about him.”

You nodded. “I'm sure he worries about you, too.”

“I’m sure he does,” she said, sighing through her lips in a blubbering sound. “He knows I languish in his absence. It’s so difficult. The loneliness, I mean.”

“The loneliness?” You frowned. “You don’t keep busy?”

She laughed. “Of course I do! But it’s no replacement for companionship. Especially of family. You know as much.” With a playful smile, she added, “Benedict tells me it’s all the more reason for me to be married.”

“Is he pushing you to marry?”

“Not in so many words,” she said. “He does seem invested in introducing me to his fellow officers as often as possible.”

You couldn’t imagine doing the same to Grace. She had been your primary companion in life since your mother had passed—in some ways, more your responsibility than your father’s. After all, for those first few years, you were the only one able to tend to the animals or the crops, you were the only one able to make the meals, or sweep the floors. You would climb into bed with her, hours after she’d fallen asleep, after your father had emptied his glass of gin and you’d gotten him to his room.

Thankfully, your father eventually put down the gin. You didn’t think it was possible to put down responsibility. You didn’t even know if you wanted to.

“I see,” you replied. “Are they kind, at least?”

Lottie snorted. “No,” she said. “Most of the Green Dragoons are utter villains.” She folded her arms protectively over her chest. “I’m much more inclined toward Major Ferguson’s corps. He only oversees men of honor.”

There was that name again, said with the same dreamy insistence that Grace had tried and failed to conceal in her writing.

“Major Ferguson,” you said, as if recalling a long-forgotten acquaintance. “I keep hearing that name today. Do you know much about him?”

“Oh, I dream of it.” She giggled with all of the secrecy of a girl with a crush on a church boy. “I think—besides my brother, of course—he might be my favorite officer of all His Majesty’s soldiers.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Truly?”

“I promise you,” she said, “you have never met a man with greater wit, charm, or passion.” She laughed and gave a teasing smirk. “I think he could convince General Washington himself to throw down his arms and pledge allegiance to the King if given half a chance.”

“I will take your impressions under advisement,” you replied, grinning. You suddenly had an idea who was likely responsible for Grace’s shifting sentiments.

When you arrived at the City Hospital, Lottie dipped off to check on the sick she’d tended to the day prior. You, personally, didn’t see the purpose in conversing with those you had no duties to and decided to sit and read through more of Grace’s letter.

In my most fitful hours on the road, when grief seemed to me a dark and terrible ocean without shore, I was sought by the gracious Major Ferguson, who told most diverting stories and drew from me laughter of a mystifying source. I query whether he may be adept with some beguiling magick to have so oft performed a vanishment of my tears. He is a clever and skillful man as well as kind.

You, I am sure, would think more highly of him than you did Nathaniel, though I fear I am now far ahead of myself, Sister, and must stay my pen lest my flights of fancy make off with me, as you know they are apt to do. I am besieged now by shame to even write it, and know that were you here, Sister, you would soothe me by turning my mind to practicalities. As such, and to ease the pain of your absence I feel again coming upon me, I shall address them. I know the welfare of our home indispensable to your peace of mind, so let me assure you of it.

Despite your growing suspicions surrounding Ferguson, a smile crept over your face as you read Grace’s report on the farm. She listed every crop that had needed tending on her return, the condition of each chicken and goat by name, and included an effusive exaltation of your neighbors who had kindly fed them in your absence.

I do not wish to be alone. Major Ferguson is to depart with his men two days hence—

The delicate clearing of a throat resounded from somewhere to your side.

You snapped from the letter, looking up to see a bashfully pleading Lottie leaning around a doorframe. This version of Lottie was becoming all too familiar given the short time you’d worked alongside her. You let out a sigh.

“Now?” you protested, raising the letter to emphasize that you were occupied.

“Please, oh please,” she stepped into full view to clasp her hands in adjuration. “There’s so much blood, it’s horrid, and the bone is broken, and—”

“All right, Lottie.” You couldn’t help yourself. You smiled. “I’ll help.”

Down the hall and into the ward, a dolorous assault slammed your senses. Injured men groaned out in chorus, and the scent of blood hung in the air like coppery vapor. Lottie ducked her head and led you over to the hospital physician—Dr. Moore—who was hovering over a badly wounded man. From what you could tell, he was a young infantry soldier, his coat removed and head wrapped in bandages. Blood smothered his face, dirt smattered his legs, and his right arm was stripped of clothing.

At least, you believed it was his arm. In its current state you couldn’t imagine it being of much use for any purpose other than occupying a dog’s mouth.

“Go on,” Lottie murmured, urging you forward. “I—I’ll be ill.”

Moore caught you both approaching and adjusted the spectacles over his nose. “Charlotte,” he said, testing with his fingers what some might call flesh, but you’d probably call meat. “Where were you? I need your assistance setting the bone.”

“Oh, I’m afraid I, um, I…”

He frowned. “He doesn’t have all day, Miss Goddard.”

She elbowed your ribs, and you hopped forward with a wince. “Actually,” you said, “I’ll assist in her stead, doctor.”

“Hm?” He looked up, squinted at you. “Poultice girl?”

You nodded, even though you'd introduced yourself multiple times. “My name is—”

“Fine, yes. Come now. Hold this for me. Just there above the wrist.”

As you stepped to assist, Lottie quickly backed away, turning pale beneath her freckles as she watched you support the bloodied, blue-mottled limb. “Oh, yes, thank you so much,” she said, turning away, “I’ll be right, ah, right down that way, so, not too far!”

“Hold on, Charlotte,” said Moore. “We still might need you.”

She whinged. You weren’t fully sure how she served in medicine when she halfway lived in fear of it.

Standing by Moore, you propped up the soldier’s wrist and elbow. He stiffened and groaned through his teeth, seeking out reassurance in your eyes. Why yours, you didn’t know—you had no words of wisdom to offer him and didn’t particularly care to think of any, especially when he was impeding the work with his wooden limbs. Lottie swept to his side and patted his other shoulder, keeping her focus on his face.

“It’s all right, sir, we’re going to take care of this quickly, I promise.”

He winced, nodding, and loosened in your grip. You glimpsed her for a moment, her gaze like a deep, warm embrace. This part came as naturally to her as yours did you.

It ached, how much she reminded you of Grace in that moment. The last line you’d read of Grace’s letter—I do not wish to be alone—pricked your heart like a needle. You did not wish for her to be alone, either. You did not wish to be here, in Charleston, spending time gathering scraps of information when you knew she waited as the tender, vulnerable center of your home.

Moore started to work, and you stood still, bracing the soldier’s arm as he wiped away the blood. Even if granted leave, however, you were uncertain if you wanted to return home. The threat of the British grew greater in South Carolina, and under the supposition that both Grace and you were Loyalists, you could maintain a semblance of safety. Especially with your father’s condition still unknown and Tavington still itching for the opportunity to wring all of your necks.

Behind you, the clicking of heels. “And this is our most esteemed physician, Dr. Henry Moore.” It was the matron of the hospital. “Dr. Moore?”

“A bit busy right now,” Dr. Moore said. The soldier groaned as Moore palpated the skin on his forearm, coaxing the severed halves of bone together beneath.

“Can you take a moment?” she asked, before walking toward the other end of the ward. She tossed over her shoulder, “Colonel Tavington wishes to speak with you.”

Your eyes widened. You turned, met Tavington’s gaze and flinched, jerking the soldier’s arm. He howled in pain, and you grumbled, grabbing a wad of unused bandages and stuffing them in his mouth. He whimpered into them. Dr. Moore sighed, manually readjusted your grip, and got back to work on his sabotaged bone setting.

Tavington, meanwhile, regarded you as you imagined he might regard a body climbing to its feet after he’d gutted it. His right hand flexed absently at his side. All you could do was stare at him completely normally and not at all like a bolt of excitement had zipped through you at the sight of him.

He cocked a brow, his focus flicking over you before he turned to Moore. “Dr. Moore—”

“Busy.”

“—the British legion requires your services immediately.”

“I’m sure you believe your needs to be of great importance, Colonel, but—”

“The field medic I’ve currently retained is indisposed.”

“—as you can see, Charleston keeps me preoccupied as is.”

“You should be prepared to depart as early as this evening.”

Moore paused with a sigh, and turned to face Tavington. “Colonel, I make no assumptions regarding the frequency with which you hear this word, but no.”

Tavington’s eyes fluttered as if the doctor had clapped in front of his nose. “Perhaps you believed me to be making a request, doctor,” he replied. “I was not.”

You pinched your lips between your teeth. Moore had stopped his work on the soldier’s arm entirely. Silent, you caught Lottie’s attention from the corner of your sight, and found her face flush with anxious warmth.

“Colonel,” Moore said, with even more exasperation than the previous time, “I am the only physician in Charleston—perhaps all of South Carolina��at present. I cannot abdicate my duties here to ride with cavalry all night.” He stared at Tavington, who did not move or even shift his expression, like Moore was a fussing baby. “But I can—all right. Listen.” Moore looked at Lottie, then back to Tavington. “Miss Goddard here will be able to serve your needs adequately, and she has the added benefit of having no additional responsibilities aside.”

Lottie tensed, her gaze darting between Moore and Tavington. “M-me, doctor?” With a nervous smile, she said, “Of course, it would be my honor, but… would it be possible for my friend here to join me?”

“Your friend?” said you, the doctor, and Tavington at the same time.

“Please,” Lottie whispered, looking at you. She turned to Dr. Moore. “She’ll be a great help to me.”

Moore sighed and grabbed two splints, lining them up along the man’s forearm. You didn’t blame Lottie for wanting you there. But this would mean you wouldn’t return home. It would mean more time Grace would spend alone. You pinched the splints together, and the soldier whined, muffled by the bandages. As he twisted his head, blood trickled down his cheek, right in Lottie’s line of sight. She choked, turning to try and cough away her clear growing nausea.

“If you insist, Charlotte,” Dr. Moore mumbled as he started the bandaging process.

Tavington, who was watching with winnowing patience, looked at you. “Unfortunately,” he said, “your friend’s freedom does not extend beyond the borders of Charleston.”

You frowned. “But my intelligence was valid.”

“Yes,” he said, “but it did not produce the promised results.”

“A dispatch rider was found and detained, was he not?”

Tavington’s brows raised fractionally. “What was not found was a certain Captain Michael—“

“I am not my father’s keeper,” you growled, shifting more to face him. The soldier whined again and you shot a leer at him. “Shall I next beseech the pagan gods to divine his location, Colonel?”

Lottie glanced at you wide-eyed, alarmed at the tone you were using with a colonel of the British army. “She’s overworked from all of the injured we need to treat,” she offered. “She doesn’t mean that, Colonel Tavington.”

“She does,” he said, still focused on you. He stepped forward, voice lowering. “Divine? No. Reveal—given the insight you possess—yes.”

You snorted. Moore grabbed another roll of bandages and started using it to constrict the soldier’s arm. “If you are still unable to locate my father after everything I’ve told you, I hardly—”

The man groaned in agony, and you realized you’d started tightening your grip as you spoke. You relaxed, and he groaned louder.

Tavington sighed. “Do shut up, Private.”

Your face scrunched, almost amused. The man settled, and you took a breath. “I hardly believe that’s an issue with which I need concern myself.”

“I would say your investment in your father’s life concerns you a great deal,” he replied.

“Alas, but I cannot serve as your prophet, though you flatter me with the notion.” You shrugged. “All of those men under your command, and no success. Perhaps there’s a deficiency somewhere you need to address.”

Lottie hissed your name under her breath. “Please don’t make this harder on me.” Then, turning to Tavington, big brown eyes pleading, said, “I beg of you, Colonel. She’s simply tired. I’ll vouch for her myself!”

“Do you want to take them or not, Colonel?” Moore was tying off the second round of bindings. “If not, I’ll ask you to kindly and politely depart the ward so I can continue getting work done. You may have noticed this, but we’ve a couple dozen of your men here who need my assistance.”

Tavington’s tongue rolled in his mouth, and his eyes met yours. There you found the curiosity you’d spied while in his office, familiar glimmers of interest as he studied you. You swallowed, holding his gaze, wondering what exactly was going through his mind, wondering if he could see your speeding pulse. His head tilted, his chest fell in an exhale.

“And you… You wish to come.”

That really was the question. Your participation in this war had already dumped guilt onto your back as you unceremoniously condemned strangers to suffer and die. The thought of going along with Lottie brought a new deluge of emotions, some of which you worried would war fiercer than the soldiers in the field.

A terrible guilt for abandoning Grace. An even more terrible sadness that you wouldn’t know when you next would see her. And perhaps the most terrible excitement at the thought of waking daily and sleeping nightly within the domain of the most despicable bastard you’d ever met.

Despite it all, you knew that if you kept up the Loyalist facade, Grace would remain safe at home. Your father was the one in danger. And if you were out in the country with his primary—and deadliest—pursuer, you had the highest chance of protecting them both.

All you had to do was stay alive.

“I do, Colonel,” you replied.

“Both of you,” he said, with some amount of dread.

That wasn’t a question, but Lottie nodded anyway. “She’ll be an asset to you, Colonel. A great asset. I promise!”

“I somehow doubt that very much,” he mumbled. “Very well.” He turned to Dr. Moore, who still couldn’t be bothered to look at him while he wiped off the remaining blood from the soldier’s hands and face. “Send them along to the barracks at once. They’ll need to be briefed and supplied before we depart.”

Moore nodded. “Right away, Colonel,” he muttered.

Tavington’s eyes found yours a final time. Whether there was want or warning within them, you couldn’t discern. He turned on his heel and left the ward.

Your shoulders sagged, weight dropping to the ground that you hadn’t known you’d been carrying. Lottie provided you an expression you would’ve described as contrite if there wasn’t so much relief hidden behind it.

“Thank you so much,” she whispered. She rubbed the soldier’s back as he stood and swayed, his arm properly stiff at his side. “Off you go, sir. Get yourself a bed.” Turning back to you, she frowned. “I’m not sure if I can put my appreciation into words, really. I know how badly you wished to return home.”

“Thank you, Dr. Moore,” you said as he stood and moved to the next man. As expected, he did not reply. You shook your head and shrugged to Lottie. “It’s better for me to be doing what I can to serve His Majesty.” You hoped that didn’t sound as contrived as it felt leaving your mouth.

She pursed her lips, waiting for when Moore was out of earshot to whisper, “You have a funny way of showing it, the way you speak to Colonel Tavington!” The horror of your conduct had pinkened her cheeks. “Were you trying to get yourself hanged?”

You frowned. “Of course not.”

“Well, be more careful, then!” She huffed, crossing her arms. “I won’t always be around to rescue you.” She shook her head and brushed her hands down her dress like that would shoo the gore from her person. “Or perhaps he just favors you.”

Your next breath lodged in your throat, and you coughed. “I’m sorry—” You coughed again, straightening. “He what?”

She laughed, nudging you gently. “Oh, you are funny. Imagine, Colonel Tavington favoring anyone,” she said through giggles. “If you’d seen your face…”

“Right,” you said, bizarrely disappointed.

With a sigh, Lottie adjusted her sleeves. “I’ll tell Mrs. Smith that we need to be departing. Oh!” She gasped, clapping her hands over her mouth in delight. “This means that I’ll be in the field with Ben!” With a smile, she skittered over to the matron as she attended an ailing woman.

You tried to grin, but strained your cheeks, deciding to settle into the seat where the soldier had been instead. If you were to be departing with Tavington’s legion tonight, you needed to finish Grace’s letter. You pulled it from your pocket.

I do not wish to be alone. Major Ferguson is to depart with his men two days hence and I must admit that I dread his absence. Already once he has made a most welcome visit to certify my welfare. I told him I was indeed well, but that I should like very much to know the condition of my dear Sister. Though I with most indocile nature demanded his intelligence on the matter, he remained to me gentle and courteous. He wishes it was in his power to oblige me but it is not. He suggested however that should I wish to write you, that he may deliver you my Letter when next he is called to Charlestown. A gallant and charitable offer indeed!

Despite Papa’s endless grievances of the British army I believe he construes them all unkindly. Perhaps every one he encountered was akin to that murderous devil we so unfortunately met. In that case I should understand his misgivings.

A sense of irritation grew in your chest. You decided you didn’t particularly care if this man Ferguson was in fact Jesus Christ himself rose from the dead. The fact he was busy using your sister’s naivety to his advantage made you want to crucify him despite it.

Murderous devil, perhaps, but at least Tavington…

You paused. You couldn’t think of anything he’d done that wasn’t, in fact, worse.

But enough of wars and men. Never have you and I been apart so long, nor our home so reminiscent of a cavern. How clamorous the sound of my pen in this silence, dear Sister. Pray write me when this letter finds you. Until then I shall look each day to the South road and hope to see you return. Do not fret that I am well. Mrs. Jones has called upon me to come for supper and company, she insists, whenever I feel the pangs of solitude too keenly. For this I am grateful.

Ever, ever I remain

Faithfully and Lovingly Your Sister, Grace

P.S. I am sorry for the words herein whose inking is damaged. Mr. Mouser trod upon this Letter and entreats me now with uproarious meows to attend him.

You smiled as you finished the letter. But your heart wilted. You weren’t sure when you would be coming up the south road, or when you’d be able to unburden Grace of solitude. You knew only that you were making the choices you felt were right to keep her safe. Just as you’d always done.

Dr. Moore had left some parchment out on the table with the medical supplies. You grabbed a few pages of it along with his pen. The letter wouldn’t be long, but you could at least let her know that she did not need to worry. That you wouldn’t be returning home, but you would promise to find her, to see her soon.

You dipped the nib in the ink. You started writing.

[glmfic]

a love letter & I have BIG news

Hello my lovelies. It is I, the writer of Ghost Hunters, Lies, & Money. I have been writing this fic since 2017 (!!!) Eighteen years as of this March!!!

This is something really amazing to me when I reflect on it. I am a perfectionist, which means—as I’ve learned—a  procrastinator. To know that I have managed to commit to something so long and dedicatedly…it means soooo much, and truly it is because of love. My love for the cast of characters the incredible Fuyumi Ono has created in Ghost Hunt, and the love of my loyal readers. It’s emotional to feel such a strong love of something, and then get to share in it with such a special group of people—what a gift! Ah, I’m getting choked up…brb…

Okay, this might be coming across kind of sentimental and thus lead you to think I’m about to say this is the end of my writing on Ghost Hunters, Lies, & Money—but actually it’s the opposite!! I am here, ahead of my BIG announcement, after a year of not posting, to hard core reaffirm my dedication to GLM. In fact it is because of my BIG announcement that I am even more focused on GLM. So what is this BIG announcement…?

[drum roll]

I am writing a novel!! A bona fide, original, novel. I am a ball of nervous energy announcing this and I wanted to tell you, my dear readers, first. Many of you have been following GLM for years and years and have been my motivation that has resulted in every chapter I’ve ever posted. Your support, your kindness has made such a difference in my life. More than you know. Because of you I’ve kept writing all these years…when I could of just not? I could of just let work take over and never practiced the thing that I am most passionate about: writing. But I have you. And knowing that, I kept going: someone out there wants to read what you’re writing Amber!

Fear & doubt are real things I live with every day (an authorly occupational hazard??), but with every interaction with you my dear readers, those fears and doubts get smaller. I have been working with a wonderful mindset coach since September who has helped me throw into clarity all that I am grateful for and what I want my future to look like. I face a lot of uncertainty, but this I am sure of: I am so thankful for you my dear readers, and I would be honored if you stayed by my side through my new adventures in novel writing.

I am at ground zero when it comes to my novel and I would really love to share my experience every step of the way with you. I have opened a new Tumblr blog to document this journey and I plan for it to be an interactive and fun space to share my writing updates, get your input (very important!), share spoilers and previews, ramble incoherent writing things, ect. If you’d be interested in coming along with me learning step by step what it takes to write a novel from scratch, I’d love to see you there :)

So what does this mean for GLM??

UPDATES.

Because of my novel writing goals, I’ve had to come up with a writing schedule. And this (of course!!) includes GLM. In fact, it’s a necessity. Writing a novel is frankly pretty terrifying. I know I can do it, but I am waaaay out of my comfort zone. But writing GLM? That IS my comfort zone. Writing GLM will be so good for me, it will preserve my sanity. Nothing like a dose of Naru to cheer you up :) But I digress…back to the point: updates! From now going forward through the month of January (and beyond), I will be dedicating Saturdays to writing on GLM. I will post my writing updates here of course and we can scream together as things are really ramping up as we head towards the climax of this case…ahhhh! If I am mathing correctly…you could roughly expect chapter 35 in time for Valentine’s day: I love you here is a new chapter! That’s just 6 Saturdays between you and the next chapter! WOW.

My dear readers, I don’t know if this rambling post conveyed it, but— whether you choose to follow me on my novel journey or not, thank you for being here. Thank you for reading my writing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll link you to my novel writing Tumblr below, which will have more details about the general premise of my novel soon (think rom-com/kdrama), and I will see you again Saturday for a—gasps—GLM writing update!

Later lovelies! xoxo

Ambernim8 | novel writing blog of yours truly

[cherubofthenight]

i'm somewhat prepared for my 20s

here's what i learned:

- You gotta save yourself; no one's gonna do it for you. Everyone has their own life, so take charge of yours!

- Starting over? You can do that whenever you want—it's unlimited! And remember, your body can tell you when a relationship isn’t giving you what you need and deserve.

- Stay away from people who are too scared to live life. And those who make fun of or insult you as a "joke"? Yeah, it's never really a joke. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about your well-being and support you.

- People that don't have goals aren't for people who do.

- Are you your second option? No. So why would you be anyone else’s?

- Being single is a blessing, but if you do get into/are in a relationship make sure you have hobbies or hyper-fixation onto said person will most likely happen if it hasn't happened yet.

- Retinol at 25 is a must—it promotes collagen production and helps prevent fine lines and early signs of aging. And don’t forget sunscreen! Skin cancer is real—ask Hugh Jackman.

- Setting limits and boundaries is key to protect yourself in any relationship. Avoid oversharing, too! Think about the level of intimacy and trust with the person. If they seem disinterested or uncomfortable, that’s your cue to change the subject. Be clear about what topics you’re willing to discuss, and practice saying no when it comes to personal matters. Past experiences of oversharing can serve as good reminders to guard your privacy.

- Take care of your appearance. dress right, eat right, accessorize, etc.

- Get comfortable saying "no" without feeling guilty. Taking care of yourself should never feel like a chore; if it does, something's off.

- Never chase a man; that's just a waste of energy.

- Get your driver’s license and buy/start saving for a car like, now!

- Law of detachment. cultivating inner peace, focus on the present & and trusting yourself.

- Taking care of & bettering yourself should never feel like a chore

- Meditate—clearer mind means better decisions. Socialize and network; just get out of the house sometimes. But don’t be everywhere all the time. Your feelings matter, and only you know what you’ve been through.

- People come and go, and I like to see it as the universe teaching me lessons about the type of people I want in my life.

- Be particular with whom you share let into your space.

- Pleasing people will get you nowhere.

- Try new things, build new skills. sign up for freakin skillshare if you have to girl just DO SOMETHING.

- Sometimes you just gotta say "my future husband/wife/spouse would never" and move on.

- Vision boards. keep that future 'range rover pilates mom who works only when she wats to bc she and her spouse are STACKED' ver of yourself in your mind esp when you make life changing decisions.

- As the person living your life, you're the main character which means you should become someone that YOU love and stay true to them. you gotta be able to challenge yourself and then have faith that you can overcome and win always. you're probably still gonna care what people think, but your opinion of yourself should always matter the most. i don't wanna keep living by what i think someone is gonna think of me and then in 5-10 years im a bum who hasn't done shit for her self because she chose to live in fear yk.

- Perspective matters. always be the 'glass half-full' type of person. never focus on lack, celebrate whatever abundance you and practice gratitude. it helps so much in terms of focusing on and thus manifesting positivity in your life.

- Start taking care of your health now, your older self is gonna thank you.

- Knowledge is indeed power. stay curious, ask questions, do that research, read those books, watch those video essays.

- Take the time to get to know yourself—go out, stay in, try new things, and find out what you like and dislike. Avoid comparing yourself to others; you’re on your own separate journey.

- Financial literacy is essential. Learn to save, budget, and invest now; 30 year old you will be thanking you, once again miss range rover pilates mom.

- Not everyone is going to like you, and that's totally okay.

- Invest in your mental health; it’ll help you cope, make better decisions, and maintain healthy relationships while reducing burnout.

- It’s okay to be lazy sometimes! Everyone burns out, and that doesn’t make you less than anyone. Take your time and focus on yourself. Do things that bring you joy.

- Embrace mistakes; they’re essential for growth and give you more experience to handle adversity with confidence. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, so you’re never alone in that.

- You just got here! Calm down, breathe, chill, and relax. It’s okay not to have everything figured out right now. You’re going to find what’s meant for you—just enjoy the journey and have faith that everything will work out, no matter how hard things seem.

[twig-tea]

Ossan's Love Returns: I Love This Show

I have so many feelings about this finale; and they’re very different from my feelings about the Perfect Propose finale (both very good but in extremely different ways) so having experienced both today has been a real emotional journey! 

This episode left me feeing euphoric. I am not a huge crier, but Ossan’s Love always gets to me, and I cried four times during this finale. Then I rewatched and cried four times again. 

There is something about how this show does such a good job of capturing complicated and loving relationships of all kinds–romantic, platonic, familial, other–and making me believe that they will support one another through anything, even as they whack each other with frying pans and despair at their loved ones ever having two braincells function at the same time.

That exasperated, eyes wide open, no illusions about who you’re with kind of love has been in the series from the first season, but in this season it feels so lived in. The comfort that all of the characters have with one another, having all seen one another at their worst already, is palpable. And the way the original gang were so open to the new characters and their absurdities was so touching. 

There are so many things I love about this show. Haruta and Maki’s relationship makes me feel so proud of them, knowing how far they’ve come from Season 1, and everything they went through in that season and the film to get here. But even just taking the season as a stand-alone, there is so much growth this season. They go from a couple who have not been in the same city together for years to living together, and they have to learn to be in one another’s physical space. They have conversations with both sets of parents, they navigate whether or not to have a wedding, whether or not to have kids, and just how to show appreciation for one another in a long-term relationship. 

The way Maki said that Haruta was his happiness, and Haruta said that he was happiest just looking at the sky with Maki (because Maki is his happiness too) made me cry twice. Maki is so competent, but Haruta is kind; and it’s his consistent, active kindness that holds their wider found family group together. The way Maki had to learn to actively think about Haruta’s happiness in the same way was that Haruta does all the time, in the same way that Haruta had to learn to be competent in cooking and cleaning so that he could take some of the burden off Maki, this is the stuff that gets to me. 

The way this found family cares about one another, rallies around whenever one of them needs it, and shows up for one another consistently, also really gets to me. And this show knows exactly what it’s doing–there were some wonderful conversations this episode about what counts as ‘family’, and how sometimes the importance of someone in your life can’t be easily defined but that doesn’t make them any less important (that was another one of the times I cried). The final placard of the show read WE ARE FAMILY in sakura petals, and that’s what made me cry the fourth time (and is making me tear up now to think about). 

And I can’t think about this gang without thinking about how so many of the relationships in it are complicated, like I mentioned above. The way Maki and Kurosawa cannot be in a scene together without sniping, but Maki calls Kurosawa for help when he needs it and Kurosawa leaves Maki an extremely touching note acknowledging Maki’s importance in Haruta’s life. The way Maro and Haruta are friends but Haruta also chastizes Maro’s causal speech every time they talk. The way Chouko has found a detente with her mother-in-law by bonding over a boy band, and how Chizu relies on the Arais for childcare but feels ashamed that she has to. The way Takegawa wants a relationship so strongly but holds himself back from making a[nother] move on Maki so that Maki and Haruta can have a happy wedding day. The way Haruta can’t return Izumi’s feelings but he leaves room for him to feel them.The way Chouko and Izumi bond over having lost a long-held love. The way everyone thinks Kiku is super suspicious but they still eat his onigiri. The way Kurosawa gifts Kiku his fermentation pot in recognition of the both of them holding onto unrequited love. 

This show makes me so happy. I could keep explaining all the ways in which it brings me joy, but honestly, just go watch it. It’s on GagaOOLala right now, and @isaksbestpillow is working on improved subs for all episodes (the subs on Gaga are good enough to understand what's going on, but Siiiri's are better for understanding the nuances and jokes). You don’t need to have seen any of the previous content to enjoy this show. If you’ve ever lamented that BL isn’t funny; that BL doesn’t feature established relationships, that BL doesn’t have enough older characters; that JBL couples don’t kiss or show affection, then watch this show.

[rocketturtle4]

Arthrit was my Favourite Character and I want to write about him; My reflection on the SOTUS Franchise as a newbie

In brief: I am attempting to understand the growth of Thai BLs by watching ABL’s understand the history of thai bl list on the Thai master post. I’m more interested in the growth and change on screen than the tracking of different actors/directors etc. but I do enjoy reading about those things. I am concurrently understanding the history of All BL by watching the Foundation Syllabus lists as well, I am not planning to review everything, but I adored SOTUS and I’ve started following @waitmyturtle’s journey through oldgmmtv and was surprised by our different initial takes on SOTUS and to a lesser extent the SOTUS franchise so I thought I’d share my own feeling about the shows. Yes I know ‘twas a while ago.

I don’t know anything about the actors as people and have minimal knowledge of the IRL ship drama (just aware that there was drama)

Disclaimers:

THIS POST IS LONG (LIKE LONG LONG), and I cut out so much you wouldn’t believe

Obviously, these are my own thoughts, I am not expecting everyone or even anyone to agree, I’m just sharing.

I only talk about Arthrit and Kong in this post, I enjoyed the side couples but I was much more invested in the main one and that’s what I want to talk about.

Not defending Gay for you as a damaging trope

Not defending blushing maiden and sex negativity as damaging tropes

Damaging tropes suck and being aware of them while viewing content is important for not internalising their message for yourself or your perception of others.

I’m demisexual FYI (My sexuality suddenly felt relevant halfway through my reflection so Imma put it here)

General SOTUS Thoughts

In writing this I have realised my attachment to Arthrit started later in the franchise than I thought but eh still mostly going to write about him.

Bullying/hazing (I didn’t mind this time) – I don’t like Hazing or bullying, but the way it was portrayed here, as a form of relationship building which was openly discussed as damaging and then improved on as part of the arc was fine for me. It was about recognizing the good parts of a practice and removing the bad and I was cool with that.

Kongpob (I’m a fan) – He’s hard working, he’s snarky, he’s clearly got good learning habits and cares about his education, he’s supportive of his friends and he stands up for injustice. I was definitely watching SOTUS for this character in the beginning.

Disparate personalities and positions of power (And the different ways our leads present as authority) (there’s also obvs age dynamics at play)

Arthrit is older but also the shyer and less expressive, his assumption of leaderships feels less aligned with his personality and so he cares more about maintaining his professionalism, first as head Hazer and later as an employee while Kong is an intern. (This does not make him a bad leader I think he’s a good one).

Kong is a natural leader, shown overwhelmingly by his standing up for his peers and their inclination to elect him as the campus star and then as the representative (which he runs away from cause he’s already got enough on his plate). His comfort with his own authority is a part of his pursuit of Arthrit and also his differing experience with Authority. (I think the way he bonds with P’Paga the scary office lady is a great example of this difference, he has good instincts).

This feels important to me as Arthrit is holding onto that authority a lot tighter than Kongpob, he’s working to maintain it because it’s NOT natural.

OKAY Onto Arthrit’s Arc and why I found it so impactful.

First up I can tell you the exact moment I fell in love with Arthrit’s character, it was right…

Here (Please study hard P'Arthrit)

(His eyes my good people, they had me and they never lost me) (I literally learnt how to GIF just so I could keep this moment forever) (Episode 13) (I mean, I found a GIF generator) From this point on I was watching this entire franchise for the way Arthrit emoted with his eyes first, and everything else second.

But let’s back up slightly.

My take on Arthrit’s emotional arc through the early parts of SOTUS was essentially:

Why is the first year defiant-flirting with me?

This first year is incredibly clever and that’s dangerous because it could undermine my authority and I want this program to be successful (He did recommend him as campus star, and comment to himself/his friends about not underestimating Kongpob, we had clearly early signs that Arthrit thought Kongpob was pretty amazing, he just couldn’t show this because of this authoritative position) (also age dynamics = a big deal in Thailand)

Then we had the sleep confession (He’s never really sleeping)

Arthrit’s panic over the fact that his sort of friend, definite nong who is a guy apparently had feelings for him

This manifested as his removing himself from Kongpob to work through and process his own emotions, my personal feelings on this were that Arthrit’s reaction was more confused than disgusted and he was trying to avoid a confrontation so he could figure himself out without hurting Kongpob. (There was also some unresolved feelings in here for his highschool friend that needed to be dealt with).

Not the ideal move and poor Kong was so confused and got hurt anyway but then we got to

“I don’t know you well enough Kongpob… But I want to know you more”

Now I seriously appreciated this because I often feel frustrated when characters emotions just immediately match: like one person confesses and two days later other person is like, oh turns out I am also madly in love with you. Boom. Couple. (This does sometimes make sense in the story, just not always).

Arthrit’s emotional response of: Yes I think I like you but I’m still figuring it out so do keep flirting with me so I can keep figuring it out…

I liked it.

Now immediately after this, Arthrit kisses Kongpob (mutual kisses yay!). I don��t take this as say, a final cementation of their relationship (as the kiss often seems to be treated, especially in K BL) but as an expression of interest.

Kiss = I am interested in you romantically, let’s flirt more/date to get to know each other so our feelings can develop.

Then we got to see Arthrit melt (the eyes conveyed it, I adored) honestly it was their tiny little movements that I liked the most and you can’t see that here but still.  

Also his shy little smiles.

I totally think that the attraction here is not conveyed by Arthrit’s character the same way Kong’s but to me this reflects

Kong’s more straightforward and open personality + plus his self confidence (Seme dynamics definitely factor into this since these are characters not real people)

Arthrit being more uncertain as to his own emotional state, AND his greater shyness with expressing his emotions publicly (uke dynamics obvs - but not too pronounced I think). I like how the actor conveys these emotions. (whether or not it was intentional)

People have different levels of comfort with any kinds of PDA and that’s okay (look I’m not sure if blushing maiden trope arguably comes into play here but to me some people are shyer of affection than others and I personally feel that for Arthrit, this early on, his emotions were pretty clear and his responses makes sense.)

And then at the end of episode 13 we handed over the gear

In episode 14 we had a bit of drama because it’s early days and Arthrit is just realising he likes a popular boy

Jealously thou name is Arthrit

But things get resolved (by accident by Kongpob’s gift, amusing) and so we have the public declaration (like the kiss earlier this is instigated by Arthrit which I appreciate because he’s the one with the boundaries being crossed in this scenario). His little smile and duck down to hide his face felt very authentic because he’s not a PDA person and so he feels a bit embarrassed about drawing attention to himself.

And they had a good convo afterwards too + Kiss etc but I really want to get onto:

SOTUS S

(Because episode 15 of SOTUS is over the time jump it's included here)

Thoughts on the stuff that happens during the time jump (e.g. the end cut scenes of some episodes).

We had 2 scenes which stuck in my mind from this time, the piggyback ride ("you are my faen after all") after Kong hurts himself.

(THE EYES)

AND

Arthrit handing over the metaphorical power to the future head hazer.

I personally felt this scene was super important because it showed us:

Arthrit simping all over his boy being authoritative and flirting back with the same lines Kong had once used, in a public space.

Arthrit’s continued uncertainty, NOT (in my opinion) with the idea of being openly affectionate with his boyfriend (what do you call his face above if not openly affectionate) but with having his professionalism undermined by being asked to kiss said boyfriend in front of a whole group of his peers while he is technically their leader (plus they will tease him).

Look it's dark here, and I know my love of his eyes and their emotions is irrational but to me that gaze says: “you know I love you, but why are you doing this HERE.” @waitmyturtles, this was the thing I found most discrepant about your thoughts and mine, to me Arthrit’s emotions were conveyed so clearly by Krist, even in SOTUS but especially in SOTUS S. I was so absorbed by Arthrit sometimes I got completely distracted from Singto’s (excellent) portrayal of Kong.

Onto the main timeline of SOTUS S

(How many of my images of Arthrit being a simp can i put it here to justify my having them in the first place) (I restrained myself a lot you have to believe me)...it turns out I hit the limit, enjoy!

(I started doing a quick flick through the show to check my continuity but then I wanting to add stuff so I stopped and I'm trusting my brain)

We get an early sign that their relationship is going strong with their mutual missing of each other: Arthrit’s visit to campus and seeking Kong out because he misses him, and Kong telling Arthrit he has a duty to him as his faen and convincing Arthrit to stay the night with him because he misses Arthrit.

(They're both so doting naaaaww)

Later, we have this scene where Arthrit goes to tell his coworkers he has a faen and gets interrupted ("well I…") Now we don’t know this for sure, but he drew himself up and prepared to face it and then sort of deflates when he missed the chance, so I’m projecting and that’s what I think.

There’s some bumps in the road while they navigate their new seperation and Kong hits a boundary of Arthrit’s he clearly didn’t know existed when he showed up at Arthrit’s work. (I think this is again more of a personality thing, Arthrit is still figuring out his position and authority in the company and feels very unsure about having his male faen show up to his office without warning. This is not the university space where everyone around them knows they’re dating, it’s DIFFERENT. Kong on the other hand is the kind of guy who totally would have interrupted everyone at that dinner to be like, actually I cook dinner for my man. All. The. Time.) Anyways, they talk, Kong visits work in a planned way, and things are more settled and physical (have some more photos, justify my having them in the first place)

until…Kong shows up at work, and then after they sort of talk, Kong shows up next door.

Now while writing this I had a personal realization that I need to check in about (detailed in small text below the next photo) but first.

This moment makes everything else in the Arthrit’s arc make sense to me, to me he’s feeling uncertain about fundamental aspects of their relationship, rather than purely being temporarily hurt by Kongpobs actions, he internalises this uncertainty about their communication.

This is then kind of resolved but then made much worse by Kongpob moving in next door. (Yes Kong says it's to be close while giving Arthrit space, but doesn't Arthrit deserve to be part of that decision?) (We don't see how much they communicated prior to this, but it seems to me that Arthrit's point here, about losing faith in their ability to talk to each other is super relevant)

(Personal note, how secure I feel in a relationship directly affects how comfortable I feel physically in the relationship, and I don’t mean ‘I’m sad so I don’t feel like having sex right now’ I mean, ‘the foundation of our relationships feels less stable and as a result my comfort with physical things, especially sexual intimacy feels significantly reduced’

I THOUGHT THIS WAS NORMAL Y’ALL

Having sat and thought about it right now, I don’t think that’s actually the case for the majority? like not all the time at least? This made me think about my personal reaction to watching Nevertheless a few months ago (a kdrama) and I was crazy uncomfortable with the discrepant emotional comfort vs physical desire plot, (I finished it, because I had to, because leaving in the middle would have been worse but just, No.) I mean I get sex without feelings, sure, or with budding feelings, but sex while you’re feelings have moved from stability to instability or are just floundering in instability without resolution?. Possible? Absolutely. Comfortable? No way.

Is this a demisexual thing? (I'm demi if you missed the disclaimer at the top) Is this a me thing? I am going to examine this more but for now you have my facts and perspective and we’re moving on)

(also this relationship being kind of ace has actually been put forth by ABL (here) and most likely others. I had previously read this post and moved on (because I hadn’t seen SOTUS), so I just wanted to say this is not a Tumblr revelation, just a me revelation)

I may be projecting but…

I adored the way the actor continued to show Arthrit’s foundational uncertainty in where their relationship was going/at, through his discomfort with being physical with Kong even after he’d consciously forgiven him. (Okay definitely projecting)

Episode 7, where Kong gets hurt by the door and is forgiven, but Arthrit still seems kind of uncomfortable with the physical side of things both here and in the next episode.

Plus the excellent scenes where Arthrit keeps telling Kong off for giving him food and then ends up yelling, and Kong goes back to being uncertain about where the line is. (Arthrit needs to talk more I'll admit it).

Arthit during the scene where Kong professes his uncertainty, because it's another screenshot I already had. (HIS. EYES.)

BUT because Arthrit realises he's hurt Kong, they talk about it and tada: Arthrits more comfortable physically again next ep, because he’s more certain of his relationship again.

We get beaches

(seriously Arthrit’s little smile, I’m dying) and fun times and kisses

(I have so many screenshots in here everyone, it's concerning)

And then:

Arthrit get’s double shaken again (Dad + Photo) (and he processes things by taking physical space. AGAIN.) (still totally relatable but I’m actually kind of annoyed with him for not saying a word to Kong now that I’m writing it down, I was not at all annoyed when I watched it, for the record)

And then Kong goes “OKAY THAT’S IT” and expresses his (totally justifiable) uncertainty about what is going on, because Arthrit keeps not being clear and can’t they actually talk about things!! So Kong gives him back his gear and leaves. My take on this was basically:

Kong: You need to be sure you want to be with me.

Arthrit: wait what, you’re leaving? But you’re always there? You’ve been hurting? Oh no I’ve hurt you? *cries* *Processes* *Publicly declares feelings* There I fixed it.

To me, Arthrit was never uncertain about whether or not he Loved Kong (Is this in question?, I don't know), he was just navigating the stability of his existing relationship in a new environment with many new revelations. And I believe that, because, even through the uncertainty, Arthrit continued to stare at Kong with such intensity that I couldn’t look away.

Hmm despite that, I think this reflection has actually left me a little bit less obsessed with Arthrit (definitely a good thing, I realized after I finished SOTUS S that I have 48 screenshots of Arthrit’s face staring at Kong with different adoring expressions and that is… too many).

For me, Arthrit’s emotional arc was so captivating because of the way Krist acted throughout, his expressions (HIS EYES) and the links between his emotions and his physical comfort were compelling and I was sucked into his emotional journey above all else. Did the actor intend this? I don’t know, but I had a great time. I almost feel like I need to rewatch SOTUS S just to pay attention to Singto more because he was kind of sidelined for me.  

OUR SKYY SOTUS (the quickest summary because the words are totally out of hand)

(I totally had more pics from our skyy but I've apparently hit my limit oops)

We had some lovely relationship comfort and stability followed by compelling drama and then resolution. I loved it.

The drama is basically just Arthrit going: oh no you’re leaving, what if I make things harder for you, what if things end, how will I live, *get’s bad advice about breaking up* we should take a break because I love you way too much.

Kong: You complete moron, I love you and that’s why we’re supposed to stay together, now I’m leaving tomorrow, and you better prove you love me too by showing up.

Arthrit: *takes time to process* Oh yeah cool cool, I totally love you a lot *shows up and decides to travel with him for a little bit because these boyfriends be clingy*

But with all the excellent acting.

(Tiny note, my understanding is that this performance might be more compelling because Krist is expressing more emotions, but I took that as the first time Arthrit had actually tried to talk about and express his feelings, due to feeling stable enough to do so (all previous space taking was emotional processing). So there isn’t a single scene in SOTUS or SOTUS S where I would have expected this level of emotion (except for when he realized Kong was leaving because Kong was hurt). I would have found it confusing because Arthrits clearly a brooder. So he doesn’t talk to Kong while he’s hurting (an incorrect choice but one he continues to make) and so only the attempt to speak about his emotions here induces this level of physical display.

I cry more when I try to talk about my emotions, anybody else?)

CHEERS FOR READING

ALSO, I appreciate all you Tumblr master posters so much more now (I swear I already appreciated you lots!! but seriously I thought this would take like an hour or two and it DID NOT - and I'm not even meta-ing just throwing my thoughts on a page)

[magnolia-sunrise]

The way you explore Bastien’s sense of identity through his presentation reminds me of an OC of mine, so they might see eye to eye in at least some respects! My guy Evan (he/him) is a fat trans man who figured out he was trans a little late into his teenage years because he was too preoccupied being the third parent to his three younger siblings. Eventually this fact about himself was too strong for him to ignore, though, and thus he quickly began the process of socially transitioning and gradually sought medical transition as well. He changed names several times throughout this period (Callum, Beck, Rory, and many others among them)

His parents… They weren’t *un*supportive, but in the very least his mother, who saw a lot of herself in her oldest child, indulged his desire to transition while never quite shaking his deadname out of her vocabulary, you know? Especially with him changing names *so* often, it’s just *so* hard to remember which one is right these days. And Evan wanted to maintain a relationship with his parents for a long time (honestly what he wanted was to stay close to his siblings, the youngest of whom is 13 years younger than him). It wasn’t until after he met his eventual spouse, Isador (he/she), who called him by the right name consistently, who encouraged him to experiment and figure out what he liked about being trans, and who showed him what supportive family looks like (Isador was raised by her grandmother who absolutely loves the hell out of her grandkid), that he eventually got the courage to confront his parents. This eventually leads to him going no-contact with said parents, although his siblings reach back out to him on their own

It takes a WHILE for Evan to feel comfortable circling back to femininity for himself, and to feel totally comfortable in his body even then. He grows out a beard and dresses in layers to kind of hide how his body looks underneath. He pushed his feminine hobbies and interests to the side Hard when he started socially transitioning, because he convinced himself he Had to, and instead leans hard into new hobbies like handiwork and cars. Once again he’s content to simply push through the feelings as though they’re small, until they’re too big to ignore. Years down the line, after he and Isador are married, he can admit to himself that Christina Aguilera may still be one of his favourite artists. After they have a daughter together, he comes back to the mending skills he learned as a kid in order to fix her dolls — and maybe even make her some, when he feels brave enough

Evan also tends to be good at reading people and social settings, and if he knew Bastien to any degree, I think he’d be thrilled to see how their sense of personal style and the way they carry themselves changes over time. It’s good to see :)

(Wolfgang and Isador would also absolutely queen out. That’s a separate thing skhdjssjg)

(sorry for getting to this a bit late i got this ask as i was heading out!)

helloooo Evan(and Isador!!) so nice to meet them :") <3 !

really really love how much care and love you put into his story and the realistic and long identity journey (some of the family stuff really hits so hard).

i don't post about this stuff much since its not relevant to the story and i like exploring my characters identities in relation to each other but Bastien left his family when he was fairly young to get himself out of that town and that deeply supressive environment and off to med school as far away as possible, and they've been no contact pretty much since. he used to be a twinkish dyke, and then a dykish twink early on in university and that environment was really fundamental in experimenting with gender and sexuality for him. he was also really lonely, and unsure of anything - getting himself DIY testoterone and then waffling whether he actually wanted to go on it, then waffling about some of the changes, then waffling about top surgery (so he spent some years walking around with mustache and tits) just. a lot of anxiety and stress all the time, they preferred to just put their studies ahead of anything else and only engage in sexuality in terms of one night flings on campus. then after one dramatic event and a shoulder injury, continuing studies was no longer an option and his life just. shattered.

this is where Matteo came into his life in a bigger way, and immediately he was someone really attractive because he seemed so confident, his life figured out, future lined out. it was intoxicating to be in the presence of someone so self assured without a care in the world. who in turn also accepted Bastien - at least back then, when he was a depressed twink Matteo could "save"- and motivated him. but ultimately it was like jumping from one form loneliness and isolation into another form of it, now depending on his cis partner, surrounded by Matteos cis rich friends. his body still changing, gaining weight, feeling unattractive to his partner and locked into specific way of gender and sexuality expression, losing sense of his identity and what they even wanted to do with their life. its so alienating.

all this is to say-- i think if Bastien knew somemone like Evan early on, he would have really loved to have a friend like that - someone going through similar experiences i feel like they could have found a lot of strength and support in each other :") i think if they stayed in touch and friendly over the years, they could have been really positive influences on each other and maybe Bastien would not have such deep seated issues opening up to other people and even to himself. lost in the thought imagining the happiness Bastien would feel visiting Evan's family and seeing the pure love and joy there and what it took to get there its just :"))))) maybe he even would have the strength to leave his unhappy relationship seeing what it's like to be *actually* really accepted when seeing how Isador loves Evan :"))

thank you for sharing!!

[storiesofsvu]

Can you tell me about Elizabeth's role in homeland and house of cards?

okay, there are two slightly yet also VERY different answers to your question lol.

First: the short, sweet, imdb/wikipedia/netflix summary answer for you.

Homeland: Elizabeth Keane; -We meet Keane in season 6 as the President Elect of the United States (aka, this is the time between her winning the election her inauguration) and follow her journey to becoming the president at the end of the season and her slight downfall the next. We see her connecting (and making enemies) with the people on her team as she tries to navigate presidency. Personal facts we know: she's divorced, and we learn that her son was killed in combat in the middle east. -Homeland as a show itself: political drama, a LOT of political talk, the pacing is a bit slower and I have only watched the episodes Beth is in and even some of those I skimmed through lol. it's just not for me and some days i do find it boring.

House of Cards: Heather Dunbar: -Dunbar starts out as the solicitor general for government. She's previously taken the last president to trial and got him impeached because of it (im paraphrasing, don't come for me if that detail is wrong). President knows shes powerful and wants to get her on the supreme justice bench so she's not a threat in the upcoming election. She plays the reverse uno card and ends up running for president. Her eps/scenes are more scattered throughout 2-3(?) seasons and we eventually do see her downfall as the president fucks her over. Personal canon facts: she's married, has 2 kids, has been working the legal and political field for years, super experienced, also rich AF. -House of cards as a show: political *thriller*, I MUCH prefer it, the pacing is higher, there's a lot of darkness, double crossing, scandal, murder, sex and everything else going on. I think i've watched s2 to the series finale. It's also just an INCREDIBLE show from an analyzing perspective, costuming, hair and make up, cinematography, direction, acting, writing, ugh. it's so good.

the rest is going under a cut so this isn't five pages long. But here come the headcanons, the fanon lore and how myself and besties have perceived these characters/how we write them

Keane: -is a bad ass, has worked in the political field for years, she opposes the war (esp now that she's lost her son to it). We like to think that the divorce was brought on by their son's death, especially since she was not on speaking terms with him when it happened. -In DESPERATE need of therapy -After saying that, can go one of two ways; no therapy, we're gonna see the total isolation and internal turmoil and mental breakdown that lead to her nearly losing the presidency and thus stepping down. Our girl goes through a LOT of trauma in canon and it's never dealt with, she loses the one person on her staff who she truly trusted and is left surrounded by a team of people who are constantly stabbing knives in each others backs and she unfortunately chose to trust some of the wrong ones, resulting in even more isolation and downward spiral -With therapy, she'd be a little better at being able to read this kinda stuff and go about things in a better way -She can be super cold, standoffish, when things are professional, they are professional and there is a *strict* and very hard line between professional and personal relationships. She doesn't care how harsh or cruel something sounds in the oval, it needs to be said. if she's got to make it up/make it make sense to you when you're home, so be it. -Is low on patience, doesn't have time for bullshit -that being said, she can also be the absolute softest little beth-bear once she's in a diff environment and secure with your relationship -More masculine presenting -Also she is daddy -Can get kinky in the bedroom, but it is not always going to be kinky -Is *very* much about control unless she's absolutely 200% comfortable with you and is willing to be vulnerable -If she's had a bad day, she will absolutely be coming home to absolutely destroy you Heather: -Absolute bad ass bitch who is not afraid of going after what she wants, nearly to the point of not caring what takes to get it. (but normally does have her morals and ethics take over and she realizes that's not right). -Can get very power hungry and when she gets it, it's very easy for it to sneak under her skin and she starts to abuse it, that, linked with how much money she has, can lead to some bad decisions. -Lbr, she's kept grounded by her husband in like, all of these situations. -Grew up super rich, old money, family money, not snooty about it, but is also in the "it's one banana, how much could it cost?" circle. She invests, she knows how to be financially conscious so that that wealth doesn't deplete -Was on the fence about kids/a family, but did it because that was "what was right"/expected/knew that having a family behind her was the right image that she wanted to project when she got where she wanted politically/career wise. Thus, lots of house staff, kids had nannies and were sent to boarding school. She did not bond with them very well, esp at the school age and likely feels like she doesn't really know them until they're adults -Can be cruel and vindictive and toxic, all depends on like, literally one singular life choice that she made. (See, the power hungry up above). once she loses herself to that, there's no going back -Is Mommy. -Is also the kinkiest, dirtiest, hardcore bitch that we know -Enjoys a large variety of kinks, but is *always* the dom, sometimes not even letting her partners touch her. She uses the mommy title and expects it to be used back, if it's in private, she expects it outside of the bedroom too -Loves mess, loves teasing, resident brat tamer, her punishments are always extreme and sometimes can last days if not weeks or longer -Don't fuck with her -Obviously, sex is *always* kinky with her, there are no plain vanilla nights

Okay, so i don't really know what direction you were wanting me to go with that, but that's what you got LOL. feel free to check out either of their masterlists or hit up the inbox for more thoughts! <3

[breadstick237]

Ladies and gentleman, its time for........

what did i learn this month?

in other words, monthly recap of my journey!

08.11-10.12

(a little over a month, but who cares)

I think I made progress with painting, got more confident and messy on a canvas, figured that the less I care the better it turns out

this is a good example of it:

the first one may look nice but I didn't even finish it, it's way too clean and I just hated working on it, tried way too hard

the second one I finished in 5 hours and it's got a messy charm to it, plus if I wanted I could easily clean it up

this month I tried out different techniques - pastels, charcoal, stuff I didn't wanna touch before

also I had a big realization about what do I need to work on, I have to improve backgrounds after avoiding them all of my life

oh and I finally started making things I could put in my portfolio, I've got a plan and I'm willing to go through with it

well, I won't put them in the portfolio, but I have to start with something so I can progress, I can't just study forever without putting my skills to proper use

I did a traditional animation (that looks awful but it exists)

unfinished comic (the one that made me realize I could do a good and structured background to save my life)

came up with a simple story that I can use as a small project, for character design, comics, storyboard, maybe even a small animation, stuff like that

For now I didn't really go outside of my comfort zone with this one but I've got a base, with an idea in mind I can jump straight to work next month!

Other than that I feel I got more consistent with drawing, I don't have force myself to do something every day. And I'm doing it with... more of a purpose? when I have to take pictures of it the next day I don't just do low effort and unfinished sketch of something easy, I try to challenge myself!

Either way, it was a good month. it's wasn't perfect, but nothing is. now I know what can I improve!

So, what do I need to do next month?

more portfolio focused work - even if it's really bad because I lack the skill, it's the only way I can get better

more backgrounds - when doodling don't draw people or objects but the environment

bigger format! it's time to go B1, 100x70cm, you can handle it champ

consistent posts, make them part of my morning routine insted of "once a day"

every Monday sit down with a timer set for 4 hours and try to get one project done - can feel unfinished, unpolished, straight up bad - just do it, more preparation means less work done

that's all folks! I really am doing this mostly for myself lmao but I really enjoye posting it online - if I don't then I feel a bit guilty about letting down my imaginary audience

my top 3 things i created this month

painting of my mom, this one telling-a-story-with-one-frame thing and ugly unfinished comic.

why? the first one is just pretty and my mom likes it, the other two were me going way beyond my comfort zone and actually trying ti tell a story, create something of my own. these ones, even tho ugly, did give me a lot

wow, I wrote a lot in here. I know I'm the only person that'll ever read this and I'm kinda late to school because of it but it was worth it. I did do good, and I'm gonna do even better

see you soon, mwah

[randomness-is-my-order]

hey, welcome to my end-all be-all main blog!

this introduction is a long time coming and today i bit the bullet. fair warning: this is wordy as fuck.

hello to anyone who’s reading this. i’m teru. i’m in my early 20s. she/her. this blog is to essentially engage in any and all media fandoms that i jump into and share my insights as well as post about my fics. i usually engage in a wide variety of fandoms, ranging from books/anime/manga/webtoons/shows/movies and even, occassionally, kpop though the latter is probably just going to be reblogs. i write metas for media i am more invested in while other source material might get a short review + shit posting.

my ao3: link

my fic aus can be found under: #rimo ideas

fandoms i am in currently/have been significantly engaged with before:

–mo dao zu shi: the novels and the cql ‘the untamed’. [i’m in my supercharged mdzs phase at the moment and this series might be a long-standing fixture on this blog].

– percy jackson and the olympians: the books and more prominently, the tv adaptation that was released in 2023. [my commentary during airtime was focused on analyses and positive feedback but my thoughts on the franchise as as whole and the author, rick riordian are much more critical, just an fyi for all the people who found my blog through those posts.]

– naruto: majorly posting of my fics and the ocassional doodle.

– other fandoms/media i’m into: boku no hero academia, haikyu, frieren: beyond journey’s end, kagurabachi, 86, heavenly delusion, demon slayer, dandadan, centuria, the queen’s thief novel series, stormlight archive, wheel of time, tbate, the infernal devices, project hail mary, stranger things, the umbrella academy [season 4 is NOT canon], re:zero, spy × family, saiki k, miraculous ladybug [forever hate-love relationship fandom], litbc, heartstopper, various k/j/cdramas [reply 1988, mr. queen, weak hero class one, someday or one day, go ahead are must-watches amongst many others], bts, stray kids, not me [the bl], given [solely for that one song], the rose, day6, so on and so forth.

– comfort characters: wei wuxian, naruto uzumaki, mike wheeler, nick nelson, eugenides, william herondale, violet, momo ayase, okarun, anya, loid, and moreeeeee.

– otps: shikanaru, caitvi, wei wuxian/lan wangji, mileven, platonic madwheeler.

– how active am i on here? it is extremely erratic. i may continuously spam-post for a week or two and then go mia for months. i don’t know. irl situations dictate my presence on here entirely. alot of my posts are rambly and include ranting but i’m open to discourse most of the time. i specify when i’m not. dms are, of course, always open, but i may be a bit slow to respond [sorry!]. i don’t always respond to asks–sometimes i will dm you back if you aren’t anon if the topic is more suitable for a one-on-one chat but feel free to drop them! there will be lots of fic-related postings and i might some day end up compiling all my works into a coherent system of links but that day isn’t today.

i reblog cute art and any metas that i personally agree with. i don’t know why but i comment sparingly and once i’ve seen you enough, seen your posts enough, i’ll end up following you. despite all the time i spend here, i’m frankly still figuring out how to work this site.

i’ll discuss mature and triggering topics and will try to forewarn them but there probably won’t ever be any nsfw (graphic) content on here. i’m human so i’m learning and changing opinions on things every single day. though looking at media critically is important, i do give in to my biases and just have fun with things all the time. i take stories and characters seriously and will get heated about them at some point or another. if any of this isn’t your thing, i bid you farewell. :))

i will also bid you farewell if you are racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, bigoted, unnecessarily inflammatory and insulting.

anyway, let’s have fun here and engage with each other with good–or at the very least, cordial–vibes!

[alfgifu]

Fic analysis 46. All fear gives way

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53477371/chapters/135356983

Word count: 44,433

Chapters: 14

First posted: 2nd February 2024

Last chapter up: 15th February 2024

Summary: 

The note had been short, blunt, and accompanied by a lock of Dora’s dark hair. It demanded Cliopher’s presence, alone, under a certain tree in the Palace gardens, before the first hour of the morning. He was to bring his seals of office.

There had been some argument, of course. Cliopher had overruled it.

In which Cliopher is surprised to find that his Radiancy has less respect for the protocols than for his Lord Chancellor's safety - or his own - and must travel through his lord's memories to rescue him from the ensuing curse.

How and why this came about

All fear gives way started because a friend was going through a tough time and I offered to write her something fluffy.

Fluffy has always been difficult for me. Funny I can manage, yes, but fluffy? I can do fluffy bits as part of longer stories (there’s lots of fluff in the later half of Tenebra) or as the comfort end of a hurt/comfort arc, but it just doesn’t come naturally to write fluff without, well, drama or politics or Bad Things happening too.

I thought it would be nice and fluffy to write a story that included Dora, where moving to intercept Dora was the reason Kip brushed up against his Radiancy and initiated a ‘Touch scenario’ (mind-melding accompanied with gold smudgies). The initial working title of this fic was aDORAble.

It was not, and is not, fluffy.

My friend noted that it sometimes does help to have an incident or moment of drama to get the plot going. I thought - ah, well, if Dora is kidnapped, and Kip goes after her, and HR rescues them both…

The part with the curse that locks Kip and his Radiancy together into a journey through his Radiancy’s memories was unanticipated.

What worked and what didn’t

I entirely failed to write fluff that stood by itself but did, I think, achieve fluff by the end of the hurt/comfort arc.

Having got Kip and his Radiancy locked together in an inner world I really had no plan on how to resolve it. SuninGlory kindly noodled with me at some length. The solution had to come out of the characters themselves and the things they would naturally do - or would find difficult, but manage eventually.

This also became an opportunity to work up an idea that I’d had sitting around in an open gdoc for ages - the embodiment of many of his Radiancy’s separate identities, from different parts of his life, and how Kip would react. It was satisfying finally having a place to bring that together.

Overall I think it worked well and hung together and felt intentional after the fact. It ended up being a heavier-weight fic, and longer, than planned. But in a good way.

Writing summaries by excerpting sections of text didn’t quite work here, as the summary suggested it was purely a kidnapping story and the soul journey element was hidden. When a commenter pointed this out I updated the text to give more of an indication of what’s going on. I still don’t feel like I’ve cracked summaries, really, most of the ones I’ve written recently make me wince. Something to work on.

What I learned from writing it

However fluffy the premise sounds distrust it? Or possibly, don’t try to add the scare at the start. I came away from writing this fic feeling as though fluff and I needed a rematch.

This might have been the first time I really noticed how much it was possible to bring together mid-flight in a story. Letting things evolve to a certain point and then asking, ‘right, how do I get this to a good ending?’ actually led to an amazingly coherent plot, which was possible because I was writing as best as I could into the characters, and then found the resolution in my read of them too. So little things I’d added earlier worked as set-up even if I hadn’t planned it that way.

I started this fic as a livefic on the HOTE Support Group discord server and was part way through when I quit the server. I kept going as livefic directly to SuninGlory, mostly, who was very patient with me dropping big chunks of story on her.

By this stage my style of liveficcing had fully morphed from dropping a paragraph or thought per comment into just writing the fic up in the comment boxes - somehow that felt (and still feels) somewhat easier than writing in a gdoc or scrivener or whatever. I think the small size of the box and the feeling of an audience helps relieve some of the pressure of a blank page and also to make it feel like I can stop frequently - there are lots of break points between individual comments - which makes it possible to write on my phone in small snatches of time.

[scoundrels-in-love]

ok your turn: for the character game - the mashwood gang, and just to throw a wildcard in there, zazie!

Hiii Sav my darling, what good picks you have. <3

Nicholas D. Wolfwood already done here.

Vash the Stampede

Where to even start, Vash is one of the most complicated, layered characters I've gotten attached to. He gives me headache anytime I try to write him. He is soggy kitten, he is Heaven's wrath incarnate, he is my favorite loser, his swag is unmatched. He needs a smack and world's longest hug at the same time. Monster with the tenderest heart, human with sharpest teeth to sink in your soft hand, just so he wouldn't have to anticipate you wincing at the sight of him. I could go on, you get the gist.

Wolfwood and Meryl. There are some expansions of the polycule that I will read, courtesy of friends, but I am true to Mashwood at the end of the day.

Milly, LivRaz, Luida as family. And in some out of field, fanfic explorations - Zazie. I just think there's so much untapped potential there.

'98/BLR is not my Vash and is hardly Vash at all for most of the story. While I know that some of his lecherous ways were taken from early chapters of Trigun and adapted directly, manga did a lot better job overall balancing tone and energy of him. I don't want to have to keep in mind an essay why supposedly 'he's just faking it as means of another layer of self protection' while internally gagging at every second action of a character.

Vash coming home, finding that place and starting genuine journey of healing. Perhaps us getting us to see how much of it he'd need of it, actually. Can we get a therapist and psychiatrist up in this bitch (NML)?! But there is always fanfiction to make up for this!

Meryl Stryfe

My first impression of her was mixed, but as I purposefully decided to figure her out, I ended up understanding and at times, even identifying with her. Perhaps it was projection, perhaps I am right, but either way, I love her dearly now and think she's very important third piece of the themes that are central to Trigun. About humanity, guilt, choices we continiously make. She completes the Inhuman - made Inhuman through action - Human spectrum of it all and is a fascinating failure that picks herself up continiously, despite immeasurable grief to watch

Vash and Wolfwood. Comes as a bundle, do not separate. Now and then, might read about expanded polycule because of my friends, but I will always return to my roots. And sometimes, in crack-treated-seriously way: Knives or Zazie.

Milly. And Zazie. I think she and LivRaz could strike unusual, but precious friendship, too.

She is not the braincell of the group. She might hold it for brief moments, but then it slips through her very autistic hands and bounces off into new, distant direction. Also I think she hyperfixates on her job in any media as routine and also because it is much easier for her to write than speak. She is not good at people-ing, at all.

Having her trauma explored. This goes for all canons. We touch very briefly on Dragon's Nest impact or how she feels about letting Tonis go, but her grief and guilt is barely a fifth fiddle to Vash's central suffering in narrative. And I think it is so important and also amazing way to juxtaposition her, fresh to this, versus Vash's ancient, yet continiously piling guilt. And where they can comfort each other about this, where they can heal together and where their approaches differ. Perhaps in next season we can have her Julai guilt, about Roberto, about not killing Conrad for what he's done to Wolfwood, before he does all that to Vash, etc. Just... More of Meryl, I suppose?

Zazie the Beast

I want their gender. So badly. If I'd read Trimax as a teenager, I think I'd have imprinted on them so badly, their design is so highly fitting some of my OCs that I'd have made them a faceclaim and inspiration for sure. There is something so beautiful, tragic and haunting about a collective of minds coming together to protect, learn and grow as a person. They are a god in their own right.

In very unlikely, practically crack-treated-seriously way: Meryl.

Most of all, Meryl. But I think Vash and Wolfwood are fascinating options as well, particularly Vash.

I... Don't think I have one? But I do stand by my headcanon that they keep an eye on Meryl through the two years and onward, perhaps visit and bond with her. Also, we just need more of Zazie, always.

I am holding out hope for this to happen in TriStamp/TriGaze, but in Trimax, I wish they'd had a chance to speak with human (Meryl) or Vash about the transience and immortality, about being something beyond comprehension, yet becoming more and more human as time and engagement goes on. There are fascinating parallels to be had between them and Independents, as being that are practically gods clash and work together over the same shared space, dealing with the fleetingly lived humanity. I'd give so much for Meryl to become a sort of ambassador of the Wyrms and help create a better future for both them and humanity.

Give me a character?<3