#it better be a see you later…but the look on benji’s face scares me

[katewritesss]

MY HEART…MY ACTUAL BENTHAN HEART

[ruewrote]

𝑛𝑜 𝑏𝑖𝑔 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑙.

PAIRING: benjamin x fem!reader WARNINGS: none GENRE: fluff SONG INSPIRATION: hold my girl by george ezra WORD COUNT: 592

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it had started out small, like super small. 

benjamin had kindly opened a door for you, he had also slid his hand down to the small of your back and had guided you through as you walked in front. 

with a rushed thank you, you scuttered back to your room, leaning against the back of your front door as it shut behind you. your hands pressed to your cheeks, still slightly smiling.

next, it had been him correcting your posture as he trained you one-on-one. 

how his hands brushed against your hips.

how he was so close that you could feel his breath slightly graze across your face, which made you wobble on your feet a bit. he of course balanced you back out again, making sure you were alright, only replying with a timid nod before continuing.

the two of you grew closer after you had gotten settled into the kingdom, ben being only a couple of years older made it a perfect excuse for you both to get to know each other better.

that leads to now. you had a bad dream. it had felt so real. you had knocked on his door looking for some sort of comfort. 

not hearing any movement in the room, you knocked a little louder, careful not to try and wake up henry.

after a little while you had finally heard the sound of soft footsteps make their way to the door and sure enough it was benji. a very sleepy one at that.

“i’m really sorry, i didn’t wanna wake you b-but—” that’s when the tears started falling down your cheeks again, he immediately brought you inside and wrapped his arms around you, your shoulders shook as you cried into his chest.

actually feeling him made you feel a bit better, knowing he was alright. you both had stood there in the same position for a couple of minutes, ben stroked his fingers through your hair letting you know that he was there and that everything was okay.

later pulling back, sniffling still. you looked up at him, only a candle lit the room, but you could still see the worry and sincerity in his eyes as he wiped the tears away from your own.

“you know you can always come to me no matter what, and no apologising for the way you’re feeling, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again,” he whispers.

he had grasped your hand in his and led you over to his unmade bed, sitting close.

“it’s honestly really stupid— i had a bad dream. a horrible, horrible dream. a group of us had gone out on a supply run, including the both of us. as we w-were getting things, a herd h-had swarmed us from the back of the place.

i was looking for you, i couldn’t see you anywhere. that’s when i-i heard your screams behind me, you were being torn apart by them. there was so much blood and i c-couldn’t help you, somebody was dragging m-me away from you. it felt so real ben. i was so s-scared.” the tears had resurfaced. benjamin just pulled you closer to him.

“it’s okay y/n, i’m here. i am so sorry you had to wake up like that, but i’m very much still here, see?” he grasped your hand in his and placed it on his chest, feeling his heartbeat pound against your palm.

you smiled up at him, hand still pressed there.

thump. thump. thump.

“ben?” 

“yes y/n?”

“why is your heart beating so fast?”

© ruewrote.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Serendipity - Part V. (Harry Styles)

a/n: so this is it, this is the end of the story of Lis and Harry! if you are still reading this thank you for sticking around till the end and an even bigger thank you to those of you who took the time and energy to send me their thoughts about the story!! i hope you liked it, and if you’d like, pls come talk to me about the story, my askbox is wide open!!

pairing: Harry x OC (Annalise Lloyd)

word count: 13.9k

SERIES MASTERPOST  ⚫️ my masterlist  ⚫️  come and talk to me about Serendipity!  

Serendipity (n.) Finding something good without looking for it.

Lis decides not to change their plans and let Benji stay at her parents’ for the next week as well, giving her and Harry some more alone time that they surely use to the last bit. These two weeks are enough to make him think about a possible, preferably near future when they get to spend every day together like this, where he can come home to her already cooking something or just lounging on the couch, when they don’t have to pack overnight bags whenever they want to spend the night together.

He can only hope Lis is feeling the same way about them, because now he is determined to make it a reality.

The next few weeks go over their head faster than they could realize. Benji spends some time home before he leaves for a week of camping, something he has been so excited about, rambling about it every possible given time.

Though Harry would love to spend that week again with Lis, but it’s painfully interrupted with a trip to LA he just can’t put away. His new album is debuting in August and tour will kick off in October, things are starting to pile up and he can’t get everything done from London, no matter how badly he would want that.

He has been torn, with the tour slowly but surely coming up, because part of him can’t wait to get back to performing, but another part is breaking for how he won’t be able to see Lis or Benji whenever he wants to. He wishes they could just come with him, but he knows it’s not possible.

He tried his best to mess around with the dates so he can come back to London as much as possible and at the end he managed to give himself three to five days off every three weeks to fly home. They talked through it all, several times, bracing themselves already for the times that were about to come.

Harry is at rehearsals this one day when oddly, Lis shows up there, something she has never done before, that’s how Harry knows something is up. Calling for a quick break he leaves the room with her, worried what it could be.

“Hey, everything alright? You’re not picking Benji up today?” he asks, knowing well at this time she should already be at the school.

“Chloé offered to do it for me. Harry, sorry for coming here, I just… I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to talk to you about it.”

“What’s wrong? Talk to me,” he tells her and taking her hands he pulls her to the small sofa in the corner so they can sit and talk. She is clearly upset and it’s starting to trigger Harry as well.

“I, uhh—I don’t know how to start it so I’ll just get straight to the point. Austin showed up at my work today.”

Harry’s breath gets caught in his throat at the mention of the name. He just put the whole Austin situation behind him, the thought was stuck on his mind for way too long and now that he was finally moving on, the dude showed up. He needs everything in him to calmly nod and encourage her to continue.

“He-He just… walked in. I swear I didn’t know anything about it, I was so shocked a-and I didn’t know what to do—Harry I—“

“Lis, calm down, alright? I know you didn’t know about it. Just tell me what happened, because I don’t know how much longer I can sit here left in the dark.”

“Right, yeah, sorry,” she breathes out rubbing her face with one hand. “He said he wanted to talk and I was just about to leave for lunch, so he asked if he could join me. I didn’t want to go anywhere with him so we ended up just sitting at the back terrace. I was so panicked and scared and couldn’t even say a word for a while, because he looked so… different.” “Different as in how?”

“Like… looking back I can tell he was in a bad shape when we were still together and it turns out I was right, because he admitted to being a drug addict. But now he was like, this new person. He said he has been clean for two years now and he wanted to find me because his therapist suggested to reach out and try to make up for his past mistakes.”

While Harry’s hands are holding hers, his eyes now move to the floor ahead of him, trying to process all the new information that’s been thrown at him.

“When I finally recovered from the shock of seeing him my anger kind of took over and called him all these terrible things, shamed him for leaving his son and all that and he just… sat there. And at the end he said that I’m right and that he understands that I feel this way about him. He said that he’s been thinking about what he did a lot and he asked me if we could meet sometime when it’s not just my lunchtime, to talk.”

“Talk about what?” Harry asks with a frown.

“He… He said he wants to meet Benji,” Lis answers in a whisper. Harry’s eyes snap back to her, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was not ready for this and he can tell Lis feels the same way.

“What did you tell him?”

“I said that I need to think about it. He left me his number and I told him I would contact him when I have decided.”

“How did he take it? I mean, I assume he wanted you to say yes right away…”

“He seemed to understand my decision. He said he completely agrees if I don’t want to let him see Benji ever again. This was so not like him, I was afraid he would snap, like he used to when we were younger, but he didn’t. He seemed like he really went through hell since I last saw him and he is just happy to… still be alive.”

Harry falls silent, not entirely sure what to think about the appearance of Benji’s father all of a sudden, confessing to be an ex drug addict and kind of apologizing for his mistakes before telling Lis that he wants to meet Benji. It’s a little too much all at once and the more time that passes without him talking, the more he is worrying Lis.

“Harry, please say something,” she breathes out her plea.

“I, uhh—Sorry, I’m just a little… overwhelmed I guess.”

“Are you mad?” she asks in panic.

“Mad? At you? Why would I be?”

“I don’t know, sorry, it’s just been a… long and tiring day for me,” she breathes out, leaning back on the sofa, her eyes closing for a few seconds.

“It’s a lot, yes. So why don’t we talk about this when I’m done here? I can’t keep up the guys too long. I can come over to yours when I’m done, yea?”

“But you said you had some stuff to work on tonight.”

“I can push that back, not a problem. Just go, get Benji from Chloé’s, drink a tea at home and I’ll be there by seven, alright?”

Lis nods as the two of them stand up. Harry pulls her into his arms, kissing the top of her head as she hugs his waist tightly.

“Sorry to interrupt your rehearsal,” she mumbles against his chest.

“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”

She pushes herself up to her tippy toes and captures his lips in a sweet kiss, something she’s been aching to do all day, or at least since her encounter with Austin earlier.

“I love you,” she mumbles against his lips and those three little words instantly make him feel some kind of relief in the midst of this craziness.

“I love you too,” he smiles at her, pecking her lips gently before letting go of her and watching her walk out with one last, shy wave.

Hours later, Harry finally arrives to Annalise’s and as he lets himself in with the keys she has given him weeks ago, Benji launches in his way right away from the little pile of toys on the living room carpet.

“Harry! Harry!” The little boy smashes against his lower body, wrapping his arms around him, making his heart flutter. No matter how long or tiring his day was, being around him always makes it better.

“Hey, bud! How has school been?” he asks and leaning down he picks Benji up into his arm, holding him steadily against the side of his chest.

“Cool, we played basketball today! I don’t like it as much as football, but it’s pretty good.”

“Great,” he nods smiling. “Hi Chloé!” Harry calls out when he spots the woman sitting on the couch.

“Hi, how have you been?” she asks smiling warmly. The two of them have met earlier the summer, Chloé had been dying to meet him, especially after she started to see how much Lis has bloomed thanks to the man. They hit it off right away, but they didn’t expect anything less, since they are both so important in Annalise’s life and just want the best for her.

“Great, a little busy, but everything is alright,” he nods. “You?”

“Same, just working my ass off,” she huffs.

“Where’s Lis?”

“Shower. Told her to have a hot one, she was stressing way too much.”

“So she told you?”

“Yeah,” Chloé nods shortly, not wanting to talk about anything while Benji is present.

When Lis appears from upstairs she is wearing a hoodie and cotton shorts, her hair still wet, looking tired just like earlier, but looks a tad bit more relaxed thanks to the shower.

“Hey baby!” she smiles kissing him softly.

“Hey, feeling better?” he asks, rubbing her back gently.

“Kind of.”

“Alright, I’ll head out now. Call me whenever, alright?” Chloé tells, hugging her goodbye, doing the same with Harry as well.

“Thank you for today,” Lis tells her walking her to the door.

“Anytime. Good night, guys!” she calls out, Benji shouts her bye after her and then it’s just the three of them again.

Nothing is said about Austin until Benji is put to bed. When Lis closes his room’s door and walks into the living room, Harry is sitting there, the TV is off and he is staring ahead of him, deep in his thoughts.

“Hey,” she softly says, cuddling to his side on the couch, his arm instantly curling around her shoulders.

“Benji is knocked out?” he smiles softly and she nods. “Alright.”

There’s a short silence, neither of them knows how to address the situation, how to start the conversation that has to be brought up.

“So…” he quietly starts. “I assume you’ve been thinking about what Austin asked you.” “Haven’t really stopped thinking about it,” she sighs, pushing herself up so she can look into his eyes as they talk.

“And where did you end up?”

“I… don’t know, Harry,” she sighs in defeat. Though it’s a torturous situation, Harry knows he needs to be mature and reasonable, keep his jealousy far away, because it’s way more than just that.

“What are the things that make you want to say no to him?”

“If I let him meet Benji, I can’t have him do the same thing and disappear. Benji will remember it, unlike last time. I can’t risk him having such a major trauma.” Harry nods at her words.

“And do you think he’ll leave again?”

“Honestly?” she asks quietly and Harry nods again. “I feel like he was genuine. But that could mean nothing, I’m not naïve enough to think that I know him. Maybe I never did,” she adds in a whisper and Harry can feel his heart break.

He hasn’t been able to come to peace with everything Lis had to go through. In his book, she deserves the world yet she had to deal with living hell, raising Benji on her own because Austin didn’t feel like taking responsibility for his own child. If only Harry knew her then, he would have made sure to give her the world, because that’s what she deserves.

“What do you think about it?” she asks, snapping him out of his thoughts about her.

“About what?”

“Should I let him meet Benji?”

“I’m not sure I have a saying in it,” he truthfully answers, but Lis tilts her head to the side, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“Of course you have, Harry. You are my partner and a very strong influence in Benji’s life. I value your opinion and I want to make this decision with you.”

Harry can’t push the smile back, her words mean the world to him, to know that she trusts him completely and entirely, that’s all he ever wanted.

Though jealousy is burning inside him to tell her he wouldn’t let Austin have even just a glance at Benji or her again, he knows it wouldn’t be his honest opinion. He knows how important it is for a little boy to have his father around even if he has missed out on the first years of his life and Harry only wants the best for Benji.

“I think that… you should give him a chance.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He deserves a second chance and you said he is willing to cooperate and do anything you ask him to. You can have a control over the situation, that’s the best case scenario.”

“I feel like, and tell me if it sounds stupid, but I think maybe I could ask Benji himself, if he even wants to meet him. I know he is just a kid, but I feel like he can have a great understanding of the situation to have an opinion of his own.”

“It’s not stupid, Lis. I think Benji is very smart and he’ll handle it just fine.”

“Maybe we can have a chat with him in the morning.”

“You want me to be there?” he asks surprised.

“Of course. I told you, you’re my partner, in everything,” she smiles before leaning closer to kiss him sweetly.

That night, when Lis is already fast asleep Harry is still awake, staring at the ceiling, mind racing about everything he learned today. He has never thought he would ever have to deal with Austin and deep down he wishes he just stayed wherever he has been all this time, but on the other hand, he doesn’t want to take away the chance from Benji to know his father. It feels like life has sent him a reminder that no matter how much he cares about that little boy and Annalise, he is not the father of Benji and he is not the one that connects Lis and her son on such a sacred level.

He barely hears the creaking of Benji’s door and his little feet tapping on the floor. When he pushes Annalise’s bedroom door open Harry sits straight up, alerted that something must be wrong.

“Harry?” he whispers shakily.

“Hey, Buddy. What’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dream. Can I sleep here with you and Mum?” he asks and Harry doesn’t hesitate to scoot more to the edge, making space for him in the middle while Lis is still asleep on the other side.

“Come ‘ere.”

Benji climbs up the bed and Harry pulls the cover over him as he settles in the middle. He only stays still for a moment before he moves closer to Harry, cuddling to his side which catches him by surprise at first. He doesn’t understand why he chose him when Lis is lying right there, but it’s a moment he surely will cherish for a long time, because he truly feels like Benji has let him in.

Wrapping his arm around the boy he lets his head sink back into the pillow, gently rubbing Benji’s back until they both finally fall asleep.

When Lis wakes up a little later she is surprised to see that it’s now not just the two of them in bed, but when she realizes that Benji is all cuddled up to Harry’s side, her heart flutter in her chest, feeling her eyes watering as she watches the two of them sleep so peacefully.

As if Harry could sense her gaze on him, his eyes slowly flutter open and he glances at her with a sleepy gaze, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“You alright?” he whispers, his eyes falling closed again.

“Yeah. I just…” Exhaling softly, she leans over and kisses his slightly puckered lips gently before pressing one to Benji’s forehead as well. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he mumbles back before he slowly drifts back to sleep. Lis gives herself a few more minutes just admiring the two sleeping figures next to her before she lets her eyes close as well and fall back asleep.

A week after Austin’s first real appearance Lis meets up with him alone while Benji stays with Harry. Though they talked to him in the morning, explaining to him that his dad is in town and would like to meet him and Benji seemed fine with the idea, Lis wanted to sit down with Austin and talk in more details before letting Austin see his son.

Harry takes the boy to his rehearsal and Benji manages to charm everyone just as usual. The band adores having him as their personal audience, especially because he makes sure to clap and scream joyfully following every song they play. He makes the best of friends with Mitch, finding the quiet man the most entertaining with his guitar and he even asks the man to teach him a few chords which he gladly does.

After rehearsal Harry takes him out for icecream before they head back to Annalise’s and though Harry has been enjoying his alone time with Benji, he can’t help but anxiously check his phone every five minutes, looking for any sign from Lis, but none of his notifications are from her, unfortunately.

“Harry?” Benji speaks up when they arrive home and Harry keys them into the house. Benji sits down to the floor to get rid of his sneakers but struggles with the straps of it so Harry squats down to help him.

“Yes?”

“Do you wear ties?” he asks, his question coming from the blue.

“Sometimes. Why do you ask?”

“Because my teacher today said that we would have to wear one on our graduation in year eight. But I don’t think I want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because it looks tight,” he simply says, making Harry smile as he helps him up from the floor.

“You can make it as tight as you want, don’t worry about it,” he tells him and Benji nods smiling, satisfied with the answer he got.

“Will you come to my graduation?” he then asks and Harry comes to a halt.

“In grade eight?” he questions and Benji nods. “Do you want me to be there?”

“Of course,” he nods confidently, his answer warming Harry’s chest right away.

“Then I’ll be there,” Harry tells him and it’s a promise he hopes to keep along the way.

Harry makes him a sandwich and they move up to Benji’s room to play with his dinosaurs, getting really into the game. Benji loves playing with Harry, because he always gets so into character, roaring and making weird noises, the little boy finds it so entertaining and fun, he often begs him to do impressions of different animals.

Harry doesn’t even hear the front door open and close when Lis finally arrives. After kicking her shoes off she walks up the stairs, following the noises and animalistic grunts that could only come from her boyfriend. Stopping at the door she watches them play before making her presence noticed.

“Your T-Rex impression is getting better, H,” she tells him as she walks into the room and leaning down presses a kiss to Harry’s lips, then to Benji’s head.

“I’ve been practicing a lot, thank you very much,” he smirks. “Benji, do you mind if I go talk to your mum a little? I promise we’ll play some more after.”

“Sure, it’s fine,” he nods, busy with pretending he is invading a city with his action figure.

Harry gets up from the floor and he and Lis move down to the kitchen to have some privacy and not bother Benji with what they are about to discuss.

“So, how did it go?” Harry asks as they both sit at the kitchen counter.

“Surprisingly good. He was very respectful and open. He went into a little more details about his addiction and going to rehab. I felt a little bad that I never really noticed that he was struggling with such things, but he said it was not my fault and he was damn good at hiding it for a long time. Then he asked about Benji, I showed him some pictures and told him that I’m okay with him meeting and slowly building up an environment that’s good for everyone, especially for Benji.”

“So he took it well?”

“Yes, he seemed very grateful and… just overall very open to whatever my decision was.”

“That’s great,” Harry nods, telling himself that it’s something to celebrate, but the bitterness of jealousy has started to bubble inside him once again. “So what’s the next step?”

“Well, I obviously want to be there when they meet first and I thought that we could have a picnic next weekend in the park. I already promised Benji we would go feed the ducks, so I thought I could combine the two things. What are you doing next Sunday?”

“I have a meeting in the morning, but I think I’m fine.”

“Then I would love to have you there as well,” she smiles softly.

“You sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not,” she simply answers and leaning forward she kisses his lips chastely before hopping off the stool. And with that, it was settled.

Benji would meet his dad in a week.

Harry hates that he imagined a low-life, garbage looking weird guy when he pictured Austin. He is such a judgmental mess, but this was his way of calming his conscience through the days leading up to Sunday. But now that the man is standing just down the little walkway in the park, watching them get closer, the picture he imagined is getting thrown into the trash, because Austin looks… normal.

He is tall, around Harry’s height, dirty blonde hair that looks a little outgrown, but it’s not critical just yet. Now that he is seeing the man, he can actually see some traits Benji has gotten from him, his forehead, the curve of his upper lip and the shape of his face is undeniably Austin’s. Harry has never had problem with seeing exes of his girlfriends, he was confident enough to put any image aside, but right now, as he is staring at the man who fathers the child he adores so much, he can’t push down the thoughts of Lis and Austin together while Benji is holding one of his hands, his other clutching onto his mother’s.

Austin smiles wide, waving in their way as he takes a few steps towards them.

“Hi! I was worried I was at the wrong pond,” he chuckles softly, clearly nervous about this meeting, but that makes the four of them. Everyone is fighting a different fight right now.

“Sorry, Benji spilled tea on himself so he had to take a quick bath,” Lis apologizes while the boy in talk just stands there, staring up at Austin curiously. Just like the first time he met Harry, he doesn’t seem startled by a stranger, more like inquisitive.

“S’ alright,” he shrugs before his eyes move from Benji to Harry and he sticks out a hand for him. “Nice to meet you, Lis told me a lot about you. I’m Austin.”

“M’Harry, nice to meet you too,” he nods strictly, shaking his hand with the one that’s not holding Benji’s.

Austin then squats down to get to Benji’s level, a proud, touched smile tugging on his lips as he is inspecting the boy in front of him.

“Benji, hi. I’ve heard so much about you too. I’m so happy to see you!” he breathes out as the boy stares back at him, hands still clinging onto his mother’s and Harry’s.

“You’re my daddy?” he simply asks, the gears in his head turning as he is processing the situation.

“I-I am. But you don’t have to call me that, if you don’t want to.”

“Then what should I call you?”

“My name is Austin. You can call me that.” “Okay,” he nods before turning to his mother. “Mummy, are we feeding the ducks now or what?”

Lis chuckles at how forward Benji is and that the ducks seem to interest him more than his father.

“Sure, let’s go.”

Harry is like a hawk, watching every move of Austin through their time together. He is ready to jump into action if he sees the smallest warning sign, but none is showing. Austin is treating Benji with the best of intentions, simply enjoying his time with his son, making sure this meeting doesn’t take an upsetting turn.

Sitting on a bench with Lis, the two of them are watching as Benji is throwing another handful of cut grapes they prepared together this morning, the ducks launching at them excitedly, Benji laughs when two get into a fight for a piece. Austin is squatting next to him, holding the Tupperware as Benji keeps grabbing the grapes. He is having a blast and though Harry is not sure if he entirely understands what this meeting means, he knows that Benji is enjoying his first time seeing his daddy and that’s all that matters.

“Hey,” Lis grabs his attention, her hand squeezing his knee gently. “You alright?”

Harry turns to face her, forcing a smile to his lips as he nods.

“Of course.”

Lis knows him better than to believe his act. Leaning closer she kisses him lovingly to completely grab his attention from the man standing at the pond.

“You know, whatever happens with Austin, Benji will always love you in a special way and no one can take that away from you.”

“You think so? That he loves me?” Harry asks in a whisper. He hasn’t spoken his thoughts about being accepted by him yet, especially not to Lis, but now he just can’t keep his feelings bottled up.

“Of course,” Lis nods confidently. “I know it seems like he is a very outgoing kid, but he doesn’t trust anyone that easily, he is just good at being friendly. But it’s not just that with you anymore. I know that he thinks of you as one of his best friends and that’s a huge thing.”

“He is my best friend too,” Harry smiles, his eyes darting over to the boy who is now doing a little victory dance after hitting a swimming branch in the pond with one of the grapes. He can’t imagine his days anymore without at least thinking about him. Harry has always been great with kids, but this is his first time spending so much time with one and sometimes he is catching himself thinking about Benji as his own. He would do anything for the boy and to think that there was a time when Lis didn’t even want him to know about Benji is now just ridiculous.

“I know this is a weird situation for all of us, you included, but I want you to know that I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

“You are taking away credit from yourself,” he smiles at her softly. “You’ve been doing great without me before we met.”

“I was making things work,” she corrects him. “But now… I’m happy too.”

Harry breathes out, savoring this moment and imprinting it into his memory, because he surely wants to remember it forever. Leaning closer he kisses her slowly, making sure he doesn’t get carried away too much because they are out in the public and people have been staring at them, but for a few moments, it’s just the two of them.

At the end of the day Lis agrees that it’s been a nice start and they settle with another time when Austin would see Benji. The boy clearly enjoyed his time with his dad and it’s a promising sign for Lis that she has made the right decision. Austin is clearly thankful for the time he has gotten with his son and he can’t wait to see him again and Harry can only hope his excitement and enthusiasm won’t disappear anytime soon.

September flies by filled with times for Benji spent with Austin. The man becomes a regular person in his life and as the weeks go by, Lis starts to trust him more and more with the boy. He starts to actually act like a father and treats Benji right, finally giving him the chance to feel like all his peers that have both their parents.

While things start to settle in their life, something is clouding over the calmness. Harry is set to leave for tour on the first weekend of October and he has had quite a few trips this month as well, forcing himself to go back to his old ways in life. He had to realize he has gotten way too used to being in London and not having to leave for more than just two days and now it’s making his transition back to his touring schedule even harder. It feels like he is about to tear into at least two parts as he is trying his best to do everything he needs to in his career but also stay present for Lis and Benji. Some days are easier, when he has the chance to mess around with his appointments, appearances and interviews, but some are making him want to scream from the top of his lungs when he is still on the road at midnight and can’t make it back to Annalise’s because he doesn’t want to wake her up arriving so late.

She is taking it easier than him. Or at least tries. After having Harry as her rock for so long, she knows it’s her time to shower him with understanding, patience and all her love, making sure he knows that she’ll stick around no matter what.

Two days before he is set to fly out to the States, Chloé takes up on Benji duty to give the pair some alone time before Harry heads out. They spend most of it cocooned in his place, eagerly making up for the time they’ll be forced to spend apart. It’s hard on the both of them, but they also know it’s inevitable and Lis knows Harry moved everything in his power to make his tour as airy as possible so he can come home to her. Though she would love it if he just stayed, she doesn’t want to sound ungrateful and ridiculous, thinking Harry could drop his career for her.

She wouldn’t want that, guilt would eat her up alive if Harry quit what he loves doing the most, it’s just that she wishes a day had more than just 24 hours sometimes.

They try their best to make their parting as short as possible, hoping to make it feel less painful, but they end up sitting in her car for thirty minutes before Harry brings himself to get out and grab his suitcase that hasn’t been shipped out to LA yet. Lis hops out and meets him at the back of the car, throwing her arms around his neck one last time, kissing him with everything in her.

“Think of me a lot,” she whispers against his lips and he inhales shakily, eyebrows furrowed as he is forcing himself to let go of her.

“My thoughts of you never end, Love,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to hers one last time before finally letting his arms fall from around her waist.

As the plane takes off and Harry stares down at the view of London underneath him, he can feel part of him staying behind, in the hands of one particular and special woman.

Show after show, city after city, the days start to melt together for Harry, losing his sense of whereabouts. Waking up in a different hotel room every third or fourth day as he travels through the States, it’s easy to lose track of where he was, where he is and where he’ll be the next day.

Touring has always been a challenging thing for him, even after being in the industry for over a decade now. The part where he shares his music, his art with his precious fans, where he gets to see their face and sing with them, for them, that’s what he wouldn’t trade for any other job. But being on the road for such a long time brings him the most painful homesickness that’s not easy to deal with. There’re not many ways either other than going home.

The way Harry made sure to fly back home every now and then only worked for a while. Two days every three weeks is nothing compared to what they had all summer, especially when they were living together. Every time he flew back to London and then was forced to return to the States, saying goodbye was getting harder and harder. He hated seeing the pain in Annalise’s eyes every time he was leaving, and telling Benji that he wouldn’t be here next week was also torture.

Austin has slowly become part of Benji’s everyday life. He made sure to see him at least once a week, doing all kinds of activities, strictly with Lis for now. Though Benji still calls him by his first name, he is settling into the sense of having a father in his life now.

The situation was bittersweet for Harry. He was over the moon that Benji now finally had the chance to connect with both his parents, but however stupid it sounds, he was jealous. After becoming serious with Lis he started imagining himself be this father-like figure for the boy, teaching him everything he learned from his dad and step-dad. Harry had such a special bond with Robin growing up, he made it his priority to be that to Benji what Robin was to him: someone to rely on, to trust and count on no matter what.

But ever since Austin’s appearance, his feelings have been all over the place, thoughts racing every time he had some quiet moments to himself to think. Lis always told him about when they met, made sure Harry knew about everything so it wouldn’t create a mishap that she kept something to herself, however it still had a major disadvantage.

Harry slowly started to feel like he was the outsider in Lis and Benji’s life, like he was the one that didn’t really belong there while he thought the same about Austin at the beginning. The pictures and videos Lis has sent him when he was away, the times she raved about whatever activity they did that day, they all made him drift farther from the security he felt when he was back in London.

The cherry on the top is Benji’s seventh birthday at the beginning of December.

Harry made sure to have enough days off to fly home to the small birthday party Lis was having for him. She invited his friends from school and her parents were coming down to London as well to celebrate. And of course, Austin was invited as well.

But as always, things didn’t go as planned. Harry was stuck in traffic on his way to the airport so his jet left an hour later than it was planned, then they had to make an emergency landing just two hours after taking off, they had to have the whole plane checked, it turns out nothing was wrong, just a generator got a little too heated. So by the time he was officially on his way, he was almost four hours later than planned.

If things went right he would have arrived by three at Annalise’s, but this whole mishap set him back a lot more than he could deal with calmly. As soon as he touches down in London he takes his phone out of airplane mode and calls Lis right away.

“Harry! Everything alright?” she asks, the noise behind her quite loud as the party must still be going.

“Yeah, I’m so fucking sorry but I just touched down. I’m going straight to yours. Lis I’m so sorry I’m late,” he breathes out in a rush as he is marching through the terminal to the car that’s already waiting for him.

“Harry, slow down, it’s okay! You arrived safely, that’s all that matters.”

“No, I wanted to be there in time and now the whole thing will be over basically by the time I get there!” he jabbers in panic, feeling so horrible for something that was completely out of his control.

“It’s not your fault, Harry. Just get here safely, that’s all I want, alright?”

“Okay,” he breaths out sharply. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you,” she chimes into the phone.

“Love you too,” he says before ending the call.

It feels like the car can’t move fast enough, Harry is anxiously sitting in the back of it, watching London pass by him, dying to finally get to Annalise’s neighborhood. It’s already past seven when he finally arrives, grabbing his duffel bag from the back of the car, he sprints up the stairs and lets himself in, not bothering to ring the bell.

Music is heard from inside and as he walks into the house it just gets louder. The first thing he sees is a bunch of kids running around in the living room, playing some kind of game, a few parents chatting here and there, the remains of a cake sitting on the kitchen counter with some more snacks and drinks.

“Harry!” he hears Benji call out, the boy running towards him in a onesie that looks like a dinosaur, it even has a tail on his behind.

“Birthday boy! Hi!” he breathes out in relief as he finally wraps him in a bear hug, lifting him up from the ground. “Sorry I’m so late, did you save some cake for me?” he chuckles putting back the boy to his feet.

“Mum did, it’s in the fridge!” he smiles widely.

“Your mum is an angel,” he smiles back, just as Lis appears, holding out her arms for Harry.

“Am I now?” she chuckles before wrapping her arms around his torso, hugging him tight. “Hi,” she smiles sweetly at him before he leans down and kisses her.

“Hi. Sorry for the delay,” he breathes his apology out again, but Lis just shakes her head.

“It’s alright, I know it wasn’t your fault.”

“Did you bring me a gift?” Benji asks in excitement, jumping up and down in front of Harry, who leaves an arm around Annalise’s waist, smiling down at the birthday boy.

“Well of course I did,” he chuckles.

Benji can’t contain his excitement as Harry quickly makes his rounds of greetings to everyone, ignoring the wide-eyed looks he is getting from some of the mums. It hasn’t been a secret that Lis and him are dating, but it’s always shocking to see them in the flesh and some of the women among the guests are a little starstruck to see Harry in such an intimate and domestic setting, celebrating his girlfriend’s son’s birthday. Lis’ parents make him promise to get back to them for a chat after he gives Benji his gift and he gladly gives them his word.

Moving to the living room all the kids gather around Harry and Benji who sit on the carpet as Harry pulls out his gift from the duffel bag he brought. It was once neatly wrapped, but the paper is now a little crumbled, signs of the long way here showing on it.

“Happy birthday, Benji,” Harry smiles handing him the gift and he is about to jump right into tearing the wrapping off, but Lis stops him.

“Ah, what do we say?” she warns the boy who immediately stops and looks at Harry.

“Thank you, Harry.” “You’re welcome,” he chuckles and Benji finally gets back to the unwrapping.

“Wow!” Benji gasps as he frees the box from the paper, all the other kids chattering in excitement as they see what the present is. “Mum! Look! It’s gonna be a space shuttle!” he exclaims holding up the Lego box. Harry was a little lost about what to buy, seeing that Benji now owns every kind of dinosaur toys to exist, so he went for his second obsession: space. He ordered the kit even before he left for tour to make sure it arrives in time.

“Sounds cool!” Lis chuckles.

The kids get right down to business to build the space shuttle, so Harry frees himself from them for a while.

Unfortunately, the party doesn’t last too long. After eight, the guests start leaving since all the kids have a bedtime and twenty minutes later it’s just Annalise’s parents, Chloé, Austin and Harry left in the house. Suzan and George are in the living room, enjoying their time with their grandson, Harry and Chloé are cleaning up all the toys that ended up downstairs from Benji’s room while Lis and Austin are on dish washing duty.

“This kid has way too many toys,” Chloé grumbles under her breath when they have already made their second round up to his room. She sits on the ground, putting everything away to their place as Harry chuckles softly.

“I’ll go get the rest,” he tells her before making his way downstairs again.

Lis’ laughter hits his ears, immediately making him smile, but as he turns the corner he freezes, eyes glued to the two adults at the kitchen sink.

Austin and Lis are standing shoulder to shoulder, Lis washing the dishes while Austin is drying them in a cloth. He keeps nagging her with his shoulder, making her laugh as she whines at him to stop, pushing back at him gently.

“What? I’m not doing anything!” Austin tells her with an innocent look. They don’t notice Harry’s presence and for a minute, he feels like he is not even there physically.

Benji runs up to them, showing part of the shuttle he has built, proud of the work he did and the two of them look down at it in awe.

“Good job, Benji!” Austin tells him with a proud smile, ruffling his hair playfully. “It’s gonna look awesome.”

“Right? This is gonna be the shuttle that will save some dinosaurs when the meteor hits!” he explains and Lis chuckles at his imagination.

“Sounds amazing, Sweetie.”

Benji runs back to the living room, eager to work more on the shuttle, but Harry’s attention is still on the pair in the kitchen.

“I’m convinced he got his patience from you, Lisie. I could never build that thing,” Austin tells her and Harry flinches at the nickname. Are they now this close? Using nicknames?

“I won’t argue with that,” she nods in agreement.

Harry’s stomach churns as he watches them. He knew they’ve been spending a lot of time together because of Benji, but this was just way too close to his liking. But it’s not that Harry thinks she would ever cheat on him. It’s more about the tainting thought that they look like a real family.

For an outsider, they are just a normal couple, parenting their son and seeing them so domestic and close got Harry thinking thoughts he definitely shouldn’t.

What if this is what Lis wants? What if he is keeping them from finally being a family? What if he is the only reason why Benji doesn’t have the picture perfect family?

The thoughts pains his chest and he forces himself to look away. He gathers the last toys in silence and brings them up to Benji’s room as he and Chloé finish up with everything.

Soon enough, everyone who is not spending the night at the house leaves. Lis takes Benji to the bathroom to give him his bath and Harry finds himself sitting at the kitchen island, blankly staring ahead of him, the picture of Lis and Austin burning into his mind.

He hears voices upstairs and he knows she is putting him to bed. Once it becomes silent again footsteps are heard from the stairs and a few moments later two arms curl around his waist from behind.

Lis kisses him between his shoulder blades as he glances over his shoulder.

“Hi,” she smiles, resting her chin on his shoulder from behind.

“Hey,” he breathes out and turning around in her arms, he leans his back against the edge of the island. “Bed time went okay?”

“Yeah. It’s been a long day, he got tired of all the excitement,” she chuckles.

“M’sorry I couldn’t be here earlier,” he apologizes again, but Lis shakes her head at him, just like she did before.

“It’s alright, Harry. Don’t work yourself up about it. You flew across the globe to be here, a little delay is nothing you should be worried about.”

Her words mean well, they are the truth, yet Harry’s tired and darkened mind twists them so easily.

It doesn’t matter because they had Austin here before he arrived, he tells himself, but doesn’t say out loud, keeping the thought to himself.

“You alright?” she asks, her fingers dancing over his jawline until they swipe across his bottom lip. “You’ve been so quiet.” “Just… tired,” he tells her with a small smile that doesn’t match his eyes.

“When do you have to leave?”

“Monday morning, but I promised my mum I’d go see her tomorrow.”

“Are you coming back after you meet Anne?”

“Do you want me to come back?” he asks before he could think, the question taking her by surprise.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“No reason,” he replies with a small head shake. “I’m really tired, can we go to bed?”

“Sure. You go, take a shower and I’ll put away the leftover snacks,” she tells him pecking his lips shortly before letting go of him.

That night, Harry lies awake in bed, Lis curled up against his side, sleeping soundly. He can’t escape his haunting thoughts about Austin, he keeps seeing that little scene in the kitchen, making up more and more that might have happened while he was away. It’s clearer than daylight that Austin is finally claiming his role as a father, but Harry never thought about what it could do to him and though Lis didn’t give him any reason to think this way, he just can’t help.

This feeling is weighing down on his chest heavier than anything, his thoughts are racing, flashing him pictures he shouldn’t be thinking about. Hours pass by and Harry spirals into unwanted depths. He forces himself to close his eyes and eventually, he falls to a shallow slumber, but his last thought breaks his heart with a snap of a finger: His fear of being a homewrecker, what he thought himself to be when he first met Lis now feels realer than ever.

Harry’s ears still ring a bit as he makes his way back to his dressing room, his high still lasting from his show that ended just minutes ago. He keeps thanking the nice words he is getting on his way, his usual smile plastered across his face, but it hasn’t been truly genuine in a while now.

There are just two more shows left before he is going on a break for the holidays, flying back to the UK for more than just a few days. The UK leg starts at the end of January, giving him about a month worth of break before he hits the road again and travels through Europe.

He should be over the Moon that he is finally going home again, but it’s bittersweet. Ever since Benji’s birthday he has gone downhill about his spiraling thoughts about being the reason why a family is not together. At nights, he finds himself tearing up, thinking about Austin and Lis rekindling their romance and finally become the family they were always supposed to be and the thought always leaves him heartbroken.

He hasn’t been able to get his head straight and he knows he should talk to her, be honest about his feelings, but he just can’t get himself to do that, the fear of getting an answer he has imagined already is crippling.

A knock is heard on his dressing room’s door and a moment later Jeff pokes his head inside.

“Hey, great show tonight,” he says giving him a thumbs up as he walks further inside.

“Thanks,” Harry nods as he gets rid of his suit jacket, hanging it up on the rack that holds his other tour outfits he has been switching between.

“Have you talked to Annalise about New York?”

Harry closes his eyes shaking his head no. Not long after Benji’s birthday, the idea of flying Lis and Benji out to New York for Harry’s last concert came up. It would be on the 22nd of December, the first Saturday of winter break so school wouldn’t be a problem and since Lis has the whole week of Christmas off from work, she could make it work as well. Both of Harry’s Madison Square Garden show is completely sold out and it’s been a nice thought to have them see him on his last show of the North American leg of the tour, though Harry hasn’t been able to bring himself to ask her about it, now running out of time.

“H, I need an answer for the flights and all. Please, talk to her today or tomorrow,” Jeff begs.

“I will. It just… slipped my mind. Sorry,” Harry lies and though Jeff can see right through him, he doesn’t push it, just nods and leaves him alone.

Harry is quick to make it back to the hotel. He takes the shower he missed at the venue and then rejects Sarah’s offer to have a drink with the band in her room, claiming that he is just going to head to bed. His hair is still wet as he puts on a pair of clean boxer briefs and a white shirt before making himself comfortable on his bed.

Holding his phone in his hand, he has Annalise’s contact open as he chews on his bottom lip, trying to gather all his forces to call her. She is probably already up, getting ready for her day and Harry can picture her sipping on her morning coffee as she is trying to figure out what to wear today. The scene lives vividly in his mind, because not so long ago he was lying in her bed, watching her shuffle around in just her underwear, her hair messily falling to her shoulders, the coffee sitting on the top of her dresser. He hasn’t forgotten the warm feeling the sight brought to him, how he felt a sense of home just by looking at her so early in the morning.

But it feels a million miles away now, almost too foreign to his liking as his thumb lingers over the call button before he finally taps on it. The line rings two times before she answers.

“Hey! How did the show go?” she asks right away, her voice bright as the morning Sun.

“It went alright,” he nods to himself, sinking further down on the bed until his head is resting on the pillow. “How are you? Everything good?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just miss you,” she murmurs. “Benji misses you too, he asked if you’d be here on Christmas as well.”

“I miss you guys too,” he answers truthfully, because despite everything he’s been fighting, he can’t deny the love he has for the two of them.

“I wanted to talk about something with you.” “Yeah?” Harry breathes out, feeling his stomach churn.

“Yes. I was talking to Austin the other day and we were trying to figure out how Christmas would go. I told him that we’re going to my parents’ and your mum’s as well, so we won’t really have a lot of free time. So he asked if we could do something on the weekend before Christmas. He wants to make a trip to Bath, we would leave early and then come back late in the evening.”

As Lis explains the plans she has been making on the exact same date when Harry was planning to fly them over to New York, he finds himself holding his breath, tears stinging his eyes. Though it’s entirely his fault he hasn’t asked her earlier, but in a way he feels like he lost. Like she chose Austin over him and that’s what he’s been fearing all along.

“So now you’re making trips with Austin, huh?” he answers, his words sharper than he intended.

“Okay, I can hear you don’t like the idea,” she states, catching on that something is wrong, though she’s felt the change in Harry before, but she thought it’s just the busy schedule he has been on.

“Not to sound selfish, but I’m just not quite the fan of this trip while I would be on a different continent.”

“Harry, I asked you for a reason, I know it’s a complicated situation but I wanted to make sure it’s comfortable with you. If you don’t like the sound of it that’s fine, but at least you could have used a little nicer tone.”

“M’sorry for not being nice enough, but I’m just starting to lose patience, if I’m being honest.”

“Patience?” she asks. “About what? Me?”

“Make a guess, Lis. I’m across the world while you are planning trips with Austin.”

“You are making it sound like I’m going on a romantic getaway with him, but it’s a trip for him and Benji to spend time together,” she defends herself.

“It’s just that lately, everything has been about Austin,” he snaps, exhaling sharply, all his bottled up emotions slowly surfacing now.

“I—Well not everything, but I admit it’s been a big change, yes. And I’m sorry if it makes you feel bad, but this is not the way to talk about it, don’t you think?”

“Then how? Tell me how to talk about it, because I don’t have a fucking clue about what’s happening anymore, Lis!”

“Harry,” she breathes out, completely startled by his outburst. “Why do I feel like this is about something else?”

“Maybe because it is.”

“Then tell me! I can’t make things right if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“You know…” Harry sighs in defeat, emotionally drained at this very point. “I’ve been told that sometimes I give too much. And I have a feeling that this might be the case here now as well.”

“What… What is that supposed to mean?” Annalise breathes out, tears forming in her eyes as she leans against the kitchen counter, holding the phone to her ear with a shaky hand.

“I just—I don’t think I can go on like this anymore. Feeling this way,” Harry rasps, a single tear running down his face.

“Like what?” she begs, pushing down a sob. “Harry, please talk to me!”

“Like I’m the one holding you back,” he finally says.

“From what? I swear you’re not holding me back in anything, Harry.”

“Except from having the family you always wanted.”

Lis sobs at his words as the picture finally gets clear. Everything he has said now makes sense, though she is having a hard time to understand how Harry could ever feel this way.

“Harry, that’s not true. I have the family I always wanted and it includes you! I know it feels like an impossible situation, but I know that we just need some time to make things work. If you ever think that you are less in our lives just because you don’t share the same DNA as Benji, I want you to know that it’s not true. You’ve become so important for him and especially for me, I don’t want you to doubt your role in our life.”

They are both crying, the weight of the words that’ve been just said crashing down on them. Harry closes his eyes and let’s his sobs out, not able to silence himself any longer. His chest aches and so does Annalise’s.

He wants to believe her. He really does. But it’s so hard to change the reality he’s been building up in just a moment, the distance between them surely not helping the case either. Lis wishes she was there with him, hold him and tell him over and over again how much she loves him. It doesn’t matter how things have changed with Austin, it never affected the way she is so hopelessly in love with Harry.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, still fighting his tears. “I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about that I’m a homewrecker. I saw you with Austin on Benji’s birthday and I felt like I wasn’t even there, like I didn’t matter.”

“Oh Harry… I knew something was wrong, but I figured you’d tell me!” she sighs rubbing her face, wiping her tears away. “Of course you mattered! Benji was so happy you were there! He was asking all day when you’d arrive and when I put him to bed he asked if I think you’ll want to rebuild the shuttle with him once it’s done.”

Harry whimpers at her words, his chest tightening even more. His consciousness is telling him to pack a bag and leave right away, fly back to London so he can hold Lis in his arms as soon as possible.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” he breathes out rubbing his eyes.

“You are family, Harry. To me and to Benji as well. Nothing can change that, not even Austin. You’ve already given so much to my son, I will never be able to thank you for being in his life.”

“Fuck, I’m about to sob like a baby,” he jokes making her laugh. “Lis, I’m sorry, I’ve been an idiot.”

“You have not. Just next time, please talk to me, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispers nodding to himself.

“I love you, Harry. Please don’t ever doubt or forget that.”

“I won’t,” he promises, this time shaking his head to strengthen his words.

“You love me too?” she murmurs softly.

“Of course. I love you so much, Lis.” “Good. Now I have to go and wake Benji up. I can’t wait to see you again soon.”

“Me neither.”

In the middle of the emotional tsunami that washed over Harry, he completely forgot about asking Lis about New York and later he talked himself down to mention it. He didn’t want to ruin the trip they had planned.

So on his last show, filling up MSG for the second night, he is standing on his own behind the stage, waiting to come out. But as soon as the show kicks off, the backstage is filled with a special buzz.

Even though Harry put his plans aside about flying Lis and Benji out to New York, Jeff didn’t. When Harry didn’t give an answer about his decision he was about to take it as a no to the plans, but luckily, he decided to reach out and emailed Lis with the details of everything they had in plans. To say the least, Lis was shocked that Harry didn’t mention it to her, but she could tell it had a lot to do with that call not long ago.

She knew how much it means to Harry and she didn’t think twice before asking Austin to have their little trip after Christmas, freeing up the weekend to go and visit Harry. They fixed up everything in secret, letting Harry believe he’ll only see them when he returns to the UK on the 23rd.

Jeff helped her manage everything and they arrived to the city just an hour before the start of the show. A car picked them up and drove them to the venue and they waited in it until Harry finally stepped on stage so the air was clear.

Jeff runs down the hallways so fast, he almost knocks two people over on his way. Lis spots him before he reaches the car and she gets out to greet the man.

“Hey, he just started. Come on, you can come inside,” Jeff tells her. She helps Benji out of the car and the three of them head inside, ready to surprise Harry.

Through the whole tour, Harry liked to spice up the track list a little, randomly performing covers of songs he has been listening to lately. Tonight, he is gifting the fans with his version of Want You Back by HAIM. He practiced it with the band yesterday and every time they played it, Harry kept ending up on the left side of the stage, dancing and fooling around as usual and this is what Jeff is counting on tonight.

Harry takes a breather after his last song, the crowd screaming and clapping as he takes a few gulps of his water before walking back to the front of the stage.

“This is my last show before my little break,” he says into the microphone. “I’ve been performing different covers through this tour and tonight won’t be different either.”

The crowd goes crazy, screaming the title of the songs they want to hear the most.

“Tonight’s song is by three incredible artists and they go under the name of HAIM,” he explains, the screaming increasing once again.

When he doesn’t know is that the two people he has been missing the most are standing behind the stage, clapping along with the audience. Benji turns to his mother in excitement when he gets a glimpse of the mass of people outside in the arena. He has been over the Moon since Lis told him they would travel all the way to North-America to surprise and see Harry before he comes home.

“The song is called Want You Back and I hope you’ll like it,” he gushes into the microphone as he moves away from it to grab one of his acoustic guitars and moving back to the microphone he starts the song.

“Some things are long forgotten, some things were never said…” His voice fills the arena and Lis almost doesn’t notice Jeff’s touch on her arm. “We were on one endless road, but I had a wandering heart.”

“Let’s get you out there so he can see you!” he tells her over the music and nodding she takes Benji’s hand as they follow the man out of the backstage.

There’s a small, free space between the actual edge of the stage and the pit area, mostly for security guards, but this time it’ll be the designated spot for the two of them. As they walk out, and some fans start recognizing her, Harry doesn’t realize what is happening, he is way too lost in the song.

Lis feels a little like under a microscope as the fans around her get all excited about her presence and she is just nicely saying hello back to them before turning her attention at the man singing on the stage. Benji stands in front of her and she has her hands on his shoulders as he is jamming to the song even though he has never even heard it before.

“I said we were opposite lovers, said it from the beginning you kept trying to prove me wrong. Said you’d always see it through and I know that I ran you down, so you ran away with your heart…”

Harry is making his way to the left wing, just as Jeff predicted, getting closer to the two surprise guests, but he hasn’t spotted them just yet. He has pushed the guitar to his back as now the band is taking the lead in the song, leaving him just with the singing and dancing.

Annalise’s breath is caught in her throat as Harry stops right in front of them, but his gaze falls over them, not focusing on what’s happening at the very front. Right until he sees how most of the fans in front of him are pointing at the front of the stage.

“But I just know that I want you back, just know that—“

His singing comes to a halt as his mouth hangs open when his eyes finally fall on the two familiar frames right at his feet.

Benji is jumping in excitement, waving at Harry as Lis smirks up at him, eyes filled with pride and love, all just for him.

Harry can’t believe his eyes as he stands frozen for a few minutes, the song long forgotten as his eyes lock with Lis’. His hand has fallen so the microphone is not close enough to catch as the question How?! falls from his mouth.

“Just sing!” she shouts laughing and he then snaps back to reality where he is supposed to be performing.

He quickly recovers from his shock and carries on with the song, but his eyes keep darting back to the two of them on the left side. When it finally ends he is quick to jog over to them and get down on the floor so his face is close enough to hear what she is saying.

“How did you get here?” he breathes out, ignoring the screaming that’s filling the whole arena.

“You really thought I would choose a trip to Bath over coming here to see you?” she chuckles, his heart skipping a beat. “We’ll talk later, now go and finish your show,” she tells him stepping back as Harry jumps back to his feet.

“Sorry for the little scene, I just didn’t know my girlfriend would be here tonight,” he talks into the microphone, shocking everyone with how easily he just called her his girlfriend, basically for the first time in a public setting. His eyes move back at Lis who is clearly blushing, holding onto Benji’s shoulders as she chuckles softly.

They sing and dance through the rest of the show and Harry can’t keep his eyes off them. He hasn’t seen them in the flesh since Benji’s birthday which was weeks ago and having them there at the show is just making his chest burst from joy, especially because they chose to fly across the ocean instead of their road trip to Bath with Austin. Though Harry has managed to come more to peace with the whole Austin situation, it’s still amazing to know he matters enough to be a priority.

He has never ached this bad for a concert to be over and normally he would feel bad for wanting to escape so fast, but not tonight. He basically jolts off the stage when the lights go down, rushing past everything and anyone, until his eyes fall on the two people he has been desperate to hug all night.

“Harry!” Benji calls out, sprinting towards him laughing carefreely as he throws himself at Harry who catches him just in time, picking the boy up to his arms.

“You really surprised me, I wasn’t expecting to see you!” Harry admits chuckling softly once Benji lets go of his neck and looks at him playfully giggling.

“Are you happy we are here?” he asks in all of his childish innocence.

“I am beyond happy,” he breathes out, ruffling his hair as Lis finally reaches them. Keeping Benji in his arms, Harry leans down and kisses her, curling his arm that’s not holding the excited boy around her waist as he pulls her closer. “You sneaky little thing,” he grins and Lis just slyly smirks back at him. “How did this happen?”

“Well, Jeff emailed me asking if you’ve talked to me about the trip here and I was shocked that you didn’t even mention you wanted this to happen.” She gently smacks his chest for keeping his plans hidden from her.

“You had plans already, didn’t want to mess it up.”

“We had a vague plan, nothing was decided yet. I would have rearranged it the moment you told me about New York, but you didn’t!”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he breathes out, putting Benji down who immediately runs up to Mitch who just walked off the stage. The guy greets him warmly, squatting down so Benji can have a look at his guitar.

“Anyway, Jeff helped me to arrange everything, I wanted to surprise you.”

“You succeeded,” he chuckles before kissing her again, this time with no Benji between them.

“I thought it would mean a lot to you, especially after… everything.” She gently strokes his face, a tad bit worry still laced through her voice as she hasn’t been able to decide where they have really been standing since that one phone call.

“It really means a lot. Thank you,” he breathes out, feeling complete after weeks of suffering on his own. “I love you,” he whispers, leaning closer so his lips are brushing against hers.

“I love you too,” she smiles before he kisses her.

December 31st

“Poppy, Sweetheart, can you not undress every ten minutes?” Harry sighs at the little girl standing in front of him, only in her diapers even though he dressed her just before he went to get his suit jacket. The toddler blinks up at him curiously, curling a lock of hair around her finger while she sucks on her thumb on her other hand.

Harry leans down and picks her up, walking out of the bedroom he sees the trail of clothes in the hallway that she left. He gathers all clothing items and walks downstairs.

“And please don’t let her stay naked when she undresses, she’ll never learn to stay in clothes if you just let her roam around naked,” Lis explains to Suzan in the kitchen who nods along to everything she is saying. Her eyes fall on Harry walking in with the girl in talk in his arms. “See? Naked, again!” Lis sighs. “Poppy, it’s a little early for you to practice undressing, don’t you think?” she asks the theoretical question from the girl who is holding onto Harry’s neck now, blinking up at Lis innocently. “Although, it’s kind of a father-daughter thing,” she adds with a playful smirk, glancing at Harry, who just shrugs, so full of himself.

“I’m not denying that,” he comments. “Suzan, can you dress her please?” Harry asks and the proud grandmother reaches for Poppy without hesitation.

“Of course. Come on, Darling,” she coos, taking the clothes from Harry as well.

“You ready to leave, Love?” Harry asks, kissing Annalise’s temple. She is wearing a long, black bodycon dress that has a sparkling seam at the top and bottom, spicing it up just a tad bit.

“Yeah, just let me grab my purse and phone. Would you please ask Benji to come downstairs a bit?” she asks as she disappears in her study.

Harry hums to himself as he walks through the spacious living room where George is sitting in one of the armchairs, watching the news while Suzan is trying her best to get Poppy dressed again, even though she’ll free herself from the clothes probably the moment she is left to roam around again.

Benji’s door is open at the end of the hallway, but Harry still knocks on it before stepping inside, seeing the boy lying on his stomach on his bed, reading the comic books he got for Christmas.

“Hey, we are leaving. Come down a little, please?”

“Sure,” Benji nods, leaving the comic book open on his bed as he gets up. Harry follows his movements and catches himself thinking how tall he is getting already. When he turned ten he started growing rapidly and Harry now thinks he’ll easily outgrow him by the time he finishes high school. Lis already can’t stop complaining that her twelve years old son is starting to catch up with her in height.

“At least Poppy is still small like a bean,” she grumbled the other day when it came up again, but Harry just chuckled.

“For now. But don’t forget that she has my genes and I’m not what you’d consider short.”

“Damn it, I’ll be the shortest in the house!” she sighed making Harry laugh.

Harry fixes his collar as he heads down with Benji, Lis walking out of her study right then.

“Oh great! Benji, please keep an eye on your sister while we are away, would you?”

“Isn’t that what Grandma and Grandpa are here for?” Benji jokes.

Suzan finishes up with Poppy and puts her down, the little girl immediately running up to her brother who gladly picks her up, struggling a little under the weight of the two year-old, but he manages to hold her.

“Yes, but if she starts running around, you are going to be the one to run after her and make sure she doesn’t break anything,” Lis tells him with a stern look. Poppy has developed quite a speed in the past months, enjoying sprinting around the house. Luckily, she has plenty of space, the new home they moved into before the little girl’s arrival came with enough room for any activity for the two kids.

“Don’t worry, Lisie, we’ll have an amazing time,” Suzan grins at her daughter who feels a little adamant about leaving her kids home, but it’s been so long since her and Harry had an evening to themselves. When Griff called Harry a few weeks ago, asking if the pair would be up for another New Year’s Eve party at the pub, it took Harry some convincing to make her say yes, but she eventually did. Suzan and George were happy to take up on the babysitting duty, giving the two of them some adult time.

Lis grabs her wool coat from the arm of the sofa and puts it on as she walks over to the kids.

“Be good, listen to grandma and grandpa, okay?” she tells Benji before kissing the top of his head and doing the same with Poppy. “You too, Missy!” she tells the girl who giggles at her words.

“Missy! Missy!” she repeats after her mother, her tiny hands grabbing onto Benji’s ears who whines a bit, but eventually lets his sister hold onto them.

Lis tells some last minute things to her parents and Harry uses this time to step closer to Benji.

“Don’t tell grandpa, but you are the man at the house until we come home, alright?” he tells him and Benji nods, taking the role seriously. “Be good, we’ll see you probably tomorrow. And you little girl…”

Harry takes Poppy from Benji’s arms, the little girl chuckling at her daddy happily, her hands immediately finding Harry’s hair.

“Don’t cause too much trouble, okay? Trouble is no good,” he tells her and she adorable shakes her head at his words.

“No twouble!” She calls out, throwing her hands into the air. Harry chuckles at her, kissing her soft cheeks a few times before putting her down. Poppy runs over to George who picks her up and sits her on his lap.

“Okay, let’s go,” Lis finally says. “Happy New Year guys! See you soon!” she calls out waving around on their way out. Harry says his goodbye as well, his hand finding Annalise’s as they walk out of the house.

He gives her hand a soft squeeze, loving the feeling of her wedding band on her finger under his touch. Harry knows Lis is a little worried about leaving the kids with her parents. She hasn’t spent more than just about two hours away from Poppy since she was born, but she also knows the kids are in great hands with Suzan and George. After all, they raised her as well.

The pub is packed by the time they arrive, but Griff immediately spots them as they walk through the door.

“Aye! S’ my favorite couple!” he calls out, hugging them both at the same time. “So glad ya could make it! No kids?” he jokes, though he knows they would have brought the kids to a pub to celebrate New Year’s Eve.

“No, they are home with the grandparents,” Harry smiles at his old pal.

“Alright, then let loose tonight!” Griff cheers.

The three of them chat for a little before the pub owner moves on to another group of guests, leaving Harry and Lis alone. He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her close, his nose brushing against her ear as he speaks up.

“Last time we were here you ran off quite rudely. Are you gonna dump me tonight as well?” he teases, referring to the first time they met, exactly five years ago.

“Seeing that you’re my ride home, it’s not gonna happen this time,” she jokes and turning her head she kisses his lips shortly.

“Is that the only reason?” Harry gasps, pretending to be hurt over her answer.

“Mmm, I’m not sure it would look good on my records if I left my husband at a New Year’s Eve party.”

Harry can’t help the smile that tugs on his lips when she calls him her husband. They’ve been married for a little over three years now, yet it still amazes him that he was able to not just score, but keep the most amazing woman he has ever met.

Harry popped the big question on their second Christmas together, hiding the ring among the other gifts. Lis started crying and could barely even say yes properly, constantly sobbing, but it was definitely a happy cry. They tied the knot just three short months later, officially becoming Mr. and Mrs. Styles. It was a small and intimate wedding, but one of their photos later ended up in Vogue. At first Lis was adamant about showing such a private moment of their life with the public, but Harry managed to convince her otherwise.

“Let me show off my smoking hot wife to the world, Love!” he told him every time it came up until she finally gave up.

By the time their wedding came, they were both sure that they wanted to expand the family as soon as possible and ten short months later they were blessed with a baby girl they named Poppy. Harry has put a hold on his career when Lis reached her third trimester and he hasn’t fully gotten back to work since then, enjoying every bit of parenthood without shame. He has put out a new album last year, but it was announced beforehand that he would not go on a tour with it, not ready to leave his family just yet, but he promised to play the majority of the songs the next time he travels around the world.

The two of them mingle in the crowd, enjoying their time without any crying, food throwing or whining. It’s been so long since they last spent any time without Benji or Poppy, not that they don’t enjoy being with them, because they value every little moment, but sometimes it’s nice to set themselves free for just a night.

This sense of déjà vu lingers around the both of them all night, being at the pub is quite an emotional moment for them, seeing how far they have come from that one particular night five years ago.

When it’s nearing midnight, Harry fetches themselves two glasses of champagnes and they wait for the countdown at the exact same spot they stood back then. Harry notices her gaze on him and glances down at her with a half-smile.

“What? Is there something on m’ face?” he asks jokingly, making her laugh.

“No,” she shakes her head. “I’m just feeling a little emotional right now.”

“Emotional?” he furrows his eyebrows at her before his eyes widen. “Wait, are you… Are you pregnant?” he gasps, but Lis just chuckles at him.

“Harry, I’m literally holding a glass of champagne, you think I would be drinking if I was pregnant?”

“Right, it didn’t occur to me,” he nods.

“But… would you want that?” she shyly asks, the question has been bugging her for a while now.

“Would I want you to be pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“Love, I would die to see you pregnant again and have another baby with you,” he answers simply, his straightforwardness surprising her a little.

“Why haven’t you brought it up then?”

“I wanted to, I was just not sure how you are feeling about it. If you’d want to even go through another pregnancy.”

“Well I do.”

“So why haven’t you brought it up earlier then?” he asks, returning the question for her.

“Because you’ve been on a break for over two years and another baby would set your career back even more,” she answers truthfully. She’s had enough time thinking about it and she had to realize she’s been feeling guilty for basically snatching Harry away from his fans, even if the majority was so understanding and nice when he announced his hiatus.

“Lis,” he breathes out turning to her with his full body. “I can make music at forty or fifty and even sixty. It’ll always be there for me. But we don’t have all the time to have another baby and I do want another, that I’m sure about.”

Annalise pouts her lips at him and for a moment he is afraid he said something wrong.

“What’s it now, Love?”

“I just love it when you talk about having babies, it makes me want to have a dozen more.”

Harry chuckles and presses his lips to hers shortly.

“I don’t know how that would sit with your lady parts, but I’m always up for some baby making,” he murmurs with a smug grin.

“Harry Styles, you never change,” she chuckles as the crowd around them starts the countdown.

“Do you want me to change?”

“No. Never,” she smiles softly, a faint blush playing on her cheeks. “So, another baby?”

“I’m in if you’re in,” he nods as the countdown reaches five, but the noises and voices are completely shut out for them.

“I’m in,” she smirks, biting into her bottom lip.

“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” Everyone cheers and Harry leans down, capturing her lips in a more confident way than he did five years ago.

“Happy New Year, Love,” he murmurs against her lips.

“Happy New Year,” she answers with a bright smile as they clink their glasses and drink to the new year ahead of them.

-

TAGLIST

let me know if you’d like to be added or taken off!

@stylesfics-xx @dontworrysunflower @mariamuses @bookwormandtea @swtxel @ericadrumgoole1

[it-fits-i-ships]

Combing through every single episode of Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous for Yasammy moments to write meta analysis about part 1 (parts 2, 3, and 4)

I really love the development of Yaz and Sammy’s relationship and how it starts with something as simple as Sammy wanting to reach out to Yaz and include her in the group’s activity, despite the fact that Sammy’s approach to forming connections with people can be a little intense at times (which is something that she gets better with as the series progresses) it’s actually just what Yaz needs, she is someone who is closed off and heavily guarded, I get the impression that she’s never had a real friend before because she’s always training alone and competitions are probably not the easiest places to make friends, Sammy asserts that Yaz is “just shy and doesn’t know how to make camp friends” and I think that’s Sammy picking up on the fact that Yaz is incredibly sensitive and self-conscious (which we can see when she finally opens up enough to share her drawings with Sammy) and is deeply afraid of rejection, thus she distances herself from everyone so she won’t get hurt (which she directly admits when Sammy says she wants to pull her out of her shell), Sammy’s determination to form a bond with Yaz is the main (if not the sole) reason that Yaz is willing to open herself up to making friends in the group and that’s a very big deal for her character development Yaz is resistant to this change at first, presumably because she’s never met someone she felt was worth the risk of making herself vulnerable before, she finds Sammy’s initial attempts to get to know her tedious and doesn’t take them seriously, given her “orange, orange, and orange” answer it seems like she might even being off-handedly joking as a diversion to keep Sammy from learning too much about her, when that doesn’t work and Sammy keeps trying to ask her about herself Yaz breaks out the sass with “I train. Alone. Quietly.” and “We should do that…later. Much, much later.” but we see when their gyrosphere gets blocked by a tree that Yaz is willing to work with Sammy in a non-personal context, she’s used to having professional and personally removed relationships with people so that’s where she feels most at home and in her element (just look at that confidence when she takes charge of the situation!) Also, as a side note, I had to include a couple of Benji clips in here because I love the way Ben is always clinging to Kenji and how that dynamic serves as a visual metaphor for Sammy and Yaz’s initial attachment once she gives Sammy a chance We start to see a bit of a turning point for Yaz in the scene where Sammy decides to go up to the triceratops that knocked her over, Yaz looks on in awe and confusion as Sammy approaches the dinosaur, even asking “Whaaat are you doing?”, but when Sammy says, “It’s hard to trust strangers, it’s a scary world out there, but I’ll trust you if you trust me” Yaz has a moment of realization (we can see it written all over her face): she is just like that scared dinosaur and Sammy has just been doing her best to try to put Yaz at ease This is the catalyst for Yaz opening up to Sammy, she’s still afraid of rejection and she doesn’t think anyone is really going to like her but she gives Sammy a chance anyway, confesses that she has a hard time trusting people, gives Sammy the real answers to her questions from earlier, and shows her the drawings she’s been doing, even as she’s doing this it’s obvious Yaz is worried that Sammy will put her down or think less of her, I suspect she may have been bullied in the past or possibly been in a toxic friendship or toxic relationship with her parents or something else similar that left her feeling like she has to constantly be on-guard about her interests and feelings, she’s utterly shocked when Sammy accepts and complements her and she’s even more surprised when Sammy hugs her, this is something she is initially resistant to because she’s obviously not used to closeness and affection but we can see her soften into the hug and place a hand on Sammy’s shoulder, this shows that even though she’s pushing herself well out of her comfort zone she’s willing to keep doing that for Sammy After that

point we see them together quite a lot, Yaz even lets Sammy watch her draw because she knows Sammy won’t judge her, Sammy’s unconditional support and encouragement now present Yaz with a new fear and she forms what’s called an insecure attachment to Sammy, this basically means she is so afraid of losing Sammy that see feels the need to cling to her side and seek her approval as much as possible, thus why she is so quick to defend Sammy multiple times against Brooklyn’s accusations about stealing the phone, she wants to stand up for Sammy and protect the relationship because she’s now invested in it and that has made her fear of getting hurt even more volatile Also Sammy grabbing onto Yaz for comfort when they see the guy get eaten? Yaz saving Sammy when she falls from the platform? Yaz holding Sammy and checking on her after they get her back on the platform? Sammy and Yaz holding hands after the zipline crash? The caring and support? *chef kiss* We can already see at this point that their bond has gotten a lot stronger by the way Yaz puts her arm around Sammy unprompted and they hold each other when the group decides to leave camp (with Sammy’s hand on Yaz’s waist, not a place you’d normally put an arm around a friend, suggesting Sammy feels especially close to her), we also see Yaz comforting Sammy (something Yaz seems nervous about based on her body language and the little hair tuck she does) and holding that giant leaf out of the way for her (with the added petty flare of letting the leaf go right as Brooklyn is coming up to it because Brooklyn’s accusations put her on Yaz’s shit list), their closeness is arguably even more obvious when the group finds out that Sammy did in fact steal the phone as part of her secret job as a spy for a rival of Jurassic World because Yaz gives Sammy a look of betrayal and hurt and her voice gets soft, almost pleading, as she says, “Sammy?” After they crash and Darius asks if everyone’s okay Yaz loses it, you can hear her voice breaking, her fear has just been realized, she opened herself up and trusted Sammy and defended her only to find out Sammy had been lying, the situation on the island is stressful enough but at least with Sammy around it had been more manageable for her, of course Yaz is angry but notice how the anger fades from her voice when Sammy comes after her and Yaz says, “And you…You…” because she can’t even finish her sentence or maintain her anger, Sammy’s violation of her trust has broken her, despite this Yaz still cares so much, when Sammy explains that she was spying that company to save her family's ranch you can see a flash of concern on Yaz’s face, she might be upset but she still doesn’t want anything bad to happen to Sammy However, Yaz pushes this feeling of concern down because she needs to confront Sammy about the betrayal, she’s angry at Sammy for lying, she’s angry at herself for putting herself in the position to get hurt again, and she wants to push Sammy away so she won’t get hurt even more, she wants to feel like she is in control again Despite how upset she is, Yaz still steps in to protect Sammy when the mosasaurus starts coming for Darius and Sammy’s kayak, she hesitates for a moment but then she decides that no matter what beef she has it’s not worth losing Sammy for good, you can hear the desperation in her voice as she calls out for the mosasaurus to come toward her instead of going after Sammy, here Yaz has been reminded of the fear of Sammy dying, obviously the whole group realizes they’re all in danger on the island and none of them want any of the others to die but this is the first time since Yaz and Sammy’s falling out that Sammy’s life has been in immediate danger and with everything else going on Yaz can’t stand the idea of losing the closest person in her life forever Sammy is terrified for Yaz’s safety as she rides away from the mosasaurus and crashes down, breaking her ankle, Sammy is the first one to rush over to Yaz’s side and she reaches out both hands to steady her, Sammy clearly cares about everyone in the group but she

seems to hold a special place for Yaz, I think that she has started to catch feelings but I’ll talk about that in later parts of this post series

[maverickcalf]

3, any ship you want!

I woke up in a very trans mood, so we are gonna get some Trans Ethan along with a soulmate au. Some Jack x Ethan, Ethan x Julia But end game Benthan.

TW Internalized Transphobia and Self Harm. Like a good amount of self harm. Please send angst/whump dialogue prompts

3. “Your arm looks…weird.”

Ethan Hunt had always wished for a world without soul marks. Well maybe not always, maybe since he could vocalize that he was his parents’ son and not their daughter. From then on every day he had before he turned 18 was both a blessing and a curse.

Sure, he couldn't transition beyond his parents correcting folks and dressing differently. But at least there wouldn't be a mark burning into his arm, a promise there was someone out there for...was it even for him. Or for a past shadow that never existed?

When he woke up on his 18th birthday with the soul mark on his left forearm. Must mean his soulmate has theirs on their right arm. That's normally what happened, it was like a puzzle piece in that regard. What Ethan hated most about his soul mark was it was actually lovely. A tall plant growing out of a top hat, the trunks intertwining with each other a heart craved into each one. A white butterfly resting on the top.

Ethan had seen so many soul marks that just had people’s names and a heart but this... this was designed by someone in the heavens. And Ethan hated it. That the universe did this for him and didn’t even have the courtesy to give him the body he knew he should be in?

Still his parents were pleased, giving him compliments, saying how beautiful the butterfly was, and they took many pictures of it and then he was off to college, where he was alone, and the hate began to boil.

He was never sure why he decide to first take a knife to it. All he knew is his match would be better off without dealing with all his complexities, without knowing him.

But he went too far, his friend noticed. Sarah noticed after a month, and convinced him that if he really hated it that much he should just cover it and not do something so awful. Really Ethan was just thankful she didn’t report him, he could get suspended for something that drastic, maybe even sent away. Sure he still had to wash it and see it then, but it got better.

Then Ethan met Jack. Now Jack’s soul mark were several electrical wires intertwined to make a heart, his was on his right arm. But Jack was different, he didn’t seem to care about soul marks.

“The way I see it, is a soul mark just shows us who we are most compatible with. Five plus Five may equal ten, but there are many ways to equal ten. The marks are just the most balanced number.”

And it made sense to Ethan, and for the first time in years he felt at peace, he didn’t have to force himself into any box or think about be with someone who expected him to be a certain way. He could just enjoy life. And Life did include Jack, for a time. He even stopped hiding his mark for a few years, he didn’t care that their marks didn’t match. They worked well together, and that’s what mattered.

After he lost everyone, Ethan did relapsed. Thankfully not for long, but it scared him. He covered it up again. He had a few dates and loves after that, but nothing too serious until Julia.

Her mark was a standard heart but instead of in the center had a blood red ruby in the center and the heart was silver not anything in a red tone. Julia was very different than Jack. True, she didn’t care that they didn’t match. The only thing that worried her was the scars the littered his arm. But she loved to study the symbolism of the marks and wished she could have seen it when it was not covered in marks of his self-hatred.

One call to his Uncle later and he acquired his old photos of his mark. He decide to not show Julia any photos where you could see his face or his body, he wasn’t on T or had any sort of surgery, and those parts hurt to see as well.

“I love the butterfly. That’s a male checkered white.”

“Huh? Is it?” Ethan shrugged, “Must mean my match is a guy.”

“Hmm, maybe. But that butterfly is more local to your neck of the woods. I think it is meant to represent you.”

He knew Julia had meant to reassure him, but that made him angry again. Why would his mark label him as male and yet he was born the way he was. It made him hide it again.

Losing Julia to his job was the final straw. He was going to get rid of this thing. Love was pointless, especially for him, having a soul mate was a risk, for him and...whoever matched him. He wasn’t going to take that risk.

When he was done trying to burn it off, it was barely recognizable. Just a vague shape of colors, but the butterfly still was noticeable. But burning it off more in prison wasn’t really a choice. So he just avoided looking at it, hid it again, but now with the reason that no one wanted to see his burn marks, the guards all found it awful to look at it, they gave him a large armband and basically forced him to wear it. Fine by him.

But in all the chaos of the mission after being broken out of jail, he had forgotten to hide not only his marks but his burns. And when he enter the room without it all conversion stopped, all three of their eyes were fixed on his left forearm. Shit.

Benji of course was the first to speak up, “Your arm looks…weird.” Ethan swallowed, he didn’t expect Benji to say it like that, and it hurt more than he thought it would. Benji had always looked up to him but now he could see what sort of man he really was. God, the pained look in his eyes, Ethan couldn’t handle it; he looked away and quickly rolled down his sleeve despite the heat.

“It’s nothing.” He said flatly, trying to indicate through his tone he didn’t want to continue this conversation. 

“Nothing, sure.” Brandt frowned, “Like we are supposed to believe that.”

“Just like we are supposed to you are just an analyst.” Ethan said back sharply. “Who are you Brandt, really?” ---

Despite everything, they made it through. The whole team. But he should've known there would be some changes. They saw, they saw what he did to himself, but none of them spoke to him directly. But they did keep a close eye on him. Good. He didn’t try to do anything again, after all his team was counting on him, knowing they were watching did stop him.

It wasn’t until he was alone with Benji in Vienna did he hear anyone ask about it.

“Ethan, your arm-?” Ethan turned to look at a very nervous Benji, all his confidence from early had seemed to vanish. Still Ethan said nothing, waiting for Benji to say more. “Is that where your mark- was?”

Ethan let out a laugh that was much more bitter in tone than he intended, “It’s still there somewhat, despite everything.”

“Can I see it?” Ethan blinked, he wasn’t expecting that. Still he took off his jacket and rolled up his left sleeve for Benji. He tried to remain relaxed as Benji’s traced his fingers along the outline of the mark, despite the burns making a lot of it indistinguishable. What was something was when Benji rubbed his thumb over where the hearts were on the trunks of the tree, they had been gone for years; How did Benji-?

“Benji?” Ethan asked softly, his heart was racing. Was this really happening?

“I would ask if you miss it but-” Benji bit his lip, “It’s pretty evident you hate it.”

“I just thought...” Ethan swallowed, “I thought my match would be better off, safer without me in their life” Ethan looked into Benji’s eyes, “But...turns out, he is staying...? Right?”

Benji felt his cheeks burn, “How did you know?”

Ethan shrugged, “Just following a hunch.” His face broke out into a smile. After all these years, his friend had been his match the whole time. There were still some hurtles but.. but.. Ethan’s smile faded. There was one major hurtle. Ethan pulled his arm back, rubbing his forearm “B-benji. There is something you... you should know, about me.”

“I know you don’t believe in soulmates, but-” Benji said, Ethan could tell he was trying to hold himself together.

“I am trans. I am a trans man.” Ethan said before he could talk himself out of it. Benji’s eyes widened. “I was always afraid, that, my match would expect someone else. Not Ethan but-”

“I am not expecting anything.” Benji cut him off, “I wouldn’t want you to force yourself into a relationship with me! It’s just a mark on an arm, not legally binding.”

“Do you want to...be in a relationship with me? Even after learning I am trans and how...” He let out a soft chuckle, “How much I hated myself?”

“...Yes. I do.” Benji smiled softly. Ethan smiled back.

There would be time to talk later but for now all they needed was each other. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, Ethan’s thumb gently rubbing the white butterfly on Benji’s arm. His parents were right, it was beautiful.

[tjlikesprettythings]

Walls and Doors

Lol I’m back! I’ve been struggling to write macriley but here is a bit of something I threw together after watching 5x11.  Walls take time to build even the metaphorical ones. And he just always thought that they had one between them, keeping them in check of who they were, what they needed to mean to each other. Their work, their friendship, and their team dynamics, each a brick in that wall, but while that wall was being built he didn’t leave a possibility in his calculations that there was room for a door in this wall. That there was a chance she might feel the same as he did.

Sitting across from her as she told him, it was over, all those things the wall was made of still stood and made him feel even more empty. She was right, he was about to propose to Desi, he was going to take the leap. And now that leap just didn’t seem right. He knew Desi was a big part of why she was telling him to let it go. 

Because he didn’t believe her when she said the feelings were gone. It wasn’t easy to get rid of because when he told her emotions weren’t a science he was speaking from experience. He didn’t push her any further on the matter, as the the serial numbers on the nano bugs became the forefront of their discussion during their ride back home.

When they were back home, and debriefed, Mac and Desi met each other in the halls. “Mission went well huh?” he asked, confirming what she had already let him know. 

Desi stuck her hand in her jean pockets and nodded, “yea, lot of detours, but mission success. Guess you and Riley did well too?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “ah yea, as well as it can go anyway.”

Desi nodded, they had agreed to forget the last 24hrs from the last mission, another 24hrs later it felt as if they were standing still. If she were being, it felt like they were stagnant for a while now. Running in circles around each other but never moving forward together. 

“Good, good, so you wanna come over?” He asked looking down at her. 

Desi pressed her lips together exhaling, “yea sure.”

He and Desi sat across from each other on his couch beers in hand, things just felt awkward again. Desi took a shaky breath before she let loose a chuckle. “We keep finding ourselves in this situation, huh?” she asked.

Mac raised his head to look at her, swallowing the beer in his mouth to fully look at her. Desi shrugged, “you and I are like those people who keep getting pulled in only to get flung across the room because at the end of the day we don’t really fit.”

He didn’t expect her to say any of this, though all of it was true. “Desi-I...I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and bit her lip, “I think we’ve both known for a while this wasn’t working. We fell into the pattern, it was easier to try to salvage this than to be alone. This job, what we do, it takes so much from us and I think at the end of the day being with someone who gets is kind of leverages whether or not we’re actually good for each other.”

“So I guess this is you saying you don’t want to marry me?” he joked. Though deep down there was a relief that was spreading across his body, and he hated that he was part of the reason they reached this point. 

Desi laughed as she sat back on the couch. “This is me saying, stop being an ass Angus. Go tell her you want her, that the person that fits you is her.” -she sighed and took a swig of her beer, “don’t waste anymore time.”

“Kind of weird, but this maybe the first time we actually talked about things clearly.” And he was genuinely sad about this, somewhere down the line he just forgot how to be himself or to say what he wanted or needed. 

“We were trying to hide behind each other,” she placed the beer bottle on the coffee table, “Riley, she’s one of a kind, I can’t be mad at her for her feelings. Besides, I think I stepped in the middle of you two.”

Desi did think about the dynamic between Riley and Mac, especially after codex, the way she ran after him, the way he reacted to meeting Aubrey, and of course she wondered if he could’ve ever done what he did to her to Riley. She didn’t think so, but then again she supposed he wouldn’t have to because Riley knew him in a different way, she had this unshakeable trust in him and that had Desi questioning why didn’t she? 

It wasn’t much of a shock for her to hear those recordings, honestly, it was kind of a relief. She and Riley started to build a real friendship, the kind she hasn’t had in years. A genuine ride or die, and that was another factor in why she understood that she was the block, the wall that kept them apart, because she had the opportunity to see just how much Riley was the other half of Mac. 

“I’m sorry,” Mac said again, because he really was. “I never meant to hurt you, or put you in the middle.”

“You didn’t put me in the middle, I kind of just walked into it.” Desi said looking him in the eye. She pursed her lips then she smiled, “It doesn’t matter now, let’s end this here.” -she stood and rubbed her hands on her thighs. 

Mac followed her, putting his own beer bottle down, he stepped up to her and held his arms open. Desi stepped into them and closed her eyes, an amicable end. When they pulled away, she smiled at him again and he at her. It felt like they were seeing each other for the first time.

“Thank you.” Mac said, because they did have some good times, they did have meaningful moments, and now she gave him the way to open the door to Riley, or at least the tools he needed to try to pick the lock.

She nodded and headed towards the door. “Seriously Mac, don’t be stupid.”

Mac laughed, “I’ll try my best.”

Her eyes softened for a second then, she walked out of the door, leaving him staring after the closed door. One closed, but another would open, or at least he hoped it would. 

So here he was again knocking on her door, the difference being this time he knew exactly what he wanted and he hoped she felt the same and would open up and be honest. When she opened the door it again hit him, that he’d been incredibly stupid up until now. 

“Mac…” Riley said, there was an exhaustion behind her eyes and he did feel guilty because he knew that it had partly to do with him pushing her.

Mac held up his hand, “before you say anything, hear me out.” he said, watching as her shoulder shagged with defeat. He didn’t ask her to let him in or try to invade her space; he stood on what he considered neutral grounds in the hall way of her apartment complex.

 “I’m not ok with keeping the door closed. I feel so stupid Riles, I should’ve said something a long time ago. I just never let myself get past the fear, the fear that you might not feel the same and that would make you uncomfortable around me if you knew. That year and half we didn’t talk, I was going crazy, because there isn’t anyone I want to tell my secrets, fears and thoughts to more than you.” He ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he needed to center himself. 

His eyes connected with hers again, watched as her swallow and that gave him the fuel he needed. “My feelings didn’t go away. I buried them, I distracted myself, and I thought I accepted that you would never feel the same and then used work, friendship and team dynamics as an excuse to build that wall between us.” 

Just like he suspected she was doing now, hell she said as much on the plane ride back. But those excuses meant nothing right now. Because they could make it work if they wanted, they were better because they were friends, because they understood each other. She already meant the world to him.

He took a deep breath, “you asked me what I wanted from you, I don’t want the door to disappear or close forever, I want a chance.”

Riley inhaled sharply as her eyes glazed, she gripped her door hard to keep from letting her emotions take the best of her. But Mac wasn’t done apparently as he took just one step towards her. 

“I think your feelings aren’t gone, because mine aren’t and I need to know, is there a chance?” He asked softly, his eyes searching her face. He hadn’t listened to his gut for a long time, and right now his gut was telling him that she definitely felt the same. 

She didn’t know what to say, her mind ran from Desi, to how this would affect their work to their friendship. What if it all crashed and burned?! She’d lose him forever, and he’d hate her for stepping in the way of him and Desi. 

“Mac…”

“Oh my god, give him a chance will ya? Look at the poor slub!” they both turned with raised brows at the voice which belonged to Riley’s neighbor Mrs. Decker, who apparently was about to take her dog out for a walk when she encountered Mac’s confession. “My Stan, he was my best friend. You won’t lose anything if it’s real.”

Mac chuckled, and then looked at Riley, “what do you say?”

Mrs. Decker rolled her eyes, “Come on now Riley! Tell him that you want him too. We can see it on your face honey.” as if her little Jack Russell agreed he also barked once for Riley to admit her feelings. 

What could she say, there was a part of her that was screaming to say, yes, but then there was the part that was scared of what it could mean and how it would hurt Desi, so she voiced it. “Desi-”

Mac cut her off by shaking his head, “we ended things, she-uh she told me not to be stupid. So here I am not being stupid.”

Riley swallowed the lump in her throat, they stared at each other and after a moment, they realized that Mrs. Decker was still standing and watching them expectantly. “Mac…”

“Just kiss her already!” Mrs. Decker said impatiently. 

Mac turned to the older woman and gave her a small smile, while he appreciated the cheerleading, it was getting a bit weird. But maybe she had a point, that maybe he needed to cross that threshold for Riley to see that they did make sense, that this could work. “Hi, Ma’am thank you for the support. Do you mind giving us a minuet?”

Mrs. Decker sighed and pulled her Jack Russell away, mumbling “come on Benji, let these two idiots figure things out alone.” When they were out of ear shot, Mac looked at her with raised brows. 

“Is she always so nosy?”

Riley couldn’t help but giggle at the antics of Mrs. Decker, and in her distraction he missed Mac stepping up close to cup her face. She looked up at him, his face was just an inch from hers. “You can slap me after,” he said before his lips were on hers. 

Her hands which gripped her door like a lifeline, dropped and slowly came to hold his wrists. Her eyes closed as she opened her mouth to return his kiss. emotions weren’t a science, you can’t control how you felt. 

[nah-she-didnt]

Another Day

Slight tw: self harm, violence (nothing too graphic)

One day I will thoroughly proof read before I post, but not today!

--

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, you stupid cow. Come on, just a few more minutes. Hold it in, just hold it in a little while longer, alright? Can’t you just be a grown up for once in your life? Stop fucking crying!

Just twenty more meters and she’d be safely behind the Fat Lady’s portrait. Ten more meters, and she could let it all out. But not yet.

The Fat Lady eyed her suspiciously. “You’re out late, m’dear.”

Lily cleared her throat. She could feel the tears longing to be shed that pricked at the corners of her eyes. “Prefect duty. Password’s ‘Agean.’”

The portrait swung wide, and Lily dashed inside. The common room was, miraculously, empty. This wasn’t totally surprising, as it was past one in the morning on a Wednesday night, but it came as a huge relief nonetheless.

Lily glanced around twice to make sure that there were no stray seventh years in the corner of the room taking advantage of the quiet atmosphere to finish up another hour of studying.

At last, when she was satisfied that the room was clear, Lily burst into tears.

“Damn it,” she whispered ferociously as she wiped her tears on the back of her sleeve, “for fuck’s sake, stop it. Stop it!” But she was powerless to stop the flood of feelings that came pouring out of her. She swore again and shook her head, hard, to stop the thoughts. Useless. Pathetic. Little girl. The words rang out over and over again, bouncing around the corners of her mind until she couldn’t take it any more.

With a roar of frustration, Lily kicked the leg of the nearest armchair as hard as she could. Fuck.

“OUCH!” She screamed and dropped to the floor. Her toe throbbed horribly, but at least it distracted from her head. She cradled the toe and prayed she hadn’t broken any bones. At this rate, she’d probably end up back in the hospital wing tomorrow morning. Lily knew that Pomfrey could probably fix a broken toe just as fast as she’d fixed the cut on her neck, but the idea did not bring her any comfort.

“Uh, Evans?”

Lily shrieked. She grabbed instinctually for her wand before realizing that it was tucked into the waistband of her school skirt. She had to flip over onto her stomach to access it properly. She pointed the wand wildly in the air in the direction of the voice. “Who’s there?”

“Oi! Stand down! It’s me!”

Lily’s heart sank. That was the last voice in the entire world she needed to hear right now.

James Potter stood near the door to the common room, his hands raised in front of him in surrender. “Blimey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Lily groaned as she rolled onto her back, then sat up, wand still pointed at James. “How the hell did you get in here? The common room was empty five seconds ago, and I didn’t hear the door open.”

James, who still had his hands raised, offered her a weak smile. “Ah, well, a gentleman never reveals his secrets, or something like that,” but he looked a little guilty, “would you put that thing away? I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

Lily lowered her wand cautiously. “I’m fine.”

James pointed down at her toe. “You don’t sound fine. C’mon, up you get.”

He strode over to her spot on the floor and pulled her into a standing position. She winced as she tried to put weight on her damaged toe. “I think I broke it.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” James tried to joke as he helped her hobble over to the couch, “the way you kicked that chair. Did the poor bastard commit an unspeakable offense to your person?”

“Very funny,” Lily grimaced as she sank into a seat on the couch. To her annoyance, James slid into the seat next to her. “Now, if you don’t mind, I was in the middle of having a very private breakdown.”

“Yeah, I noticed that bit. Come on, give me your foot.”

Lily scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

“Seriously!” James cried as he waved her foot in the direction of his lap, “I’m actually pretty good with injuries. Comes with the territory, being quidditch captain. I see lots of injuries worse than this.”

“I’m surprised you made it this long through a conversation without bringing up your captainship,” Lily grumbled, but relented. She reached down to pull her mary jane off, wincing sharply as she did, then pulled her sock off as well. “Don’t tell me you’ve got some sort of foot fetish.”

“Nah,” James grinned as he accepted her maimed foot onto his lap, “I’m actually not fond of feet. Can’t stand anyone touching mine, you see. I’m dead ticklish.”

“I’ll have to remember that,” Lily joked, then flushed a deep scarlet. The comment sounded much more innocent in her head.

James, however, merely laughed. She could feel herself soften a bit at his smile.

“So,” James said cautiously as he examined her foot, “do you want to talk about it?”

Lily picked at a hangnail to save herself the moment when she would have to meet his gaze. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

James rotated her foot gingerly, frowning slightly as he moved. “I mean your very private breakdown. Want to tell me what happened? You were on rounds tonight, right?”

Lily nodded. “Nothing happened. Just a bit of an accident. Kept me out later than usual. I must have gotten over tired.”

“You don’t really expect me to believe that, do you?” He took his wand from his pocket and pointed it steadily at her toe. “Episkey.”

Lily took a sharp intake of breath as she felt her bones reset with a soft pop. Then, suddenly, the pain was gone.

“Thank you,” she breathed as she flexed her toe back and forth, “really, Potter, that was brilliant. It doesn’t hurt at all anymore.”

James winked annoyingly. “Don’t mention it, now,” he leaned forward slightly, hands clasped between his knees, “if you don’t want to talk about what really happened, fine. I’ll leave you alone. But, on the off chance that you do want to talk about it, I’ve got nowhere else to be tonight.”

Lily considered this proposal. On the one hand, she’d rather eat frogspawn than admit weakness to James Potter. On the other, she couldn’t bear the thought of going back up to the dormitory with nothing but five sleeping roommates and her own thoughts for company.

For now, Potter seemed to be her only option.

“I was on rounds,” she began slowly, still looking down at her hangnail instead of in his eyes, “and I was in the dungeons.”

She paused here for a reaction from James, but he did not offer one. In fact, he was so silent she wondered if he even dared to breathe.

“It was my last stop of the night before my shift was over,” Lily said into her hands again, “and I was coming round the corner by Dungeon five. Benjy was down the other hall and lost sight of me. You know where there’s that enclave with the tapestry of Agrippa?”

She waited for James to say something, but he did not. Instead, he offered the tiniest of nods.

“He was waiting in the shadows there. Mulciber.” The name was poison on her tongue. It attacked her senses. Filled her mouth, her ears, her nose and eyes with a foul presence. She wanted to scream, to claw her face to get it out get it out get it out.

James swore quietly under his breath, but did not interrupt her. She took a moment to compose herself, then pressed on. “I tried to scream, but he put his hand over my mouth. He had something sharp up against my neck. I couldn’t see if it was a knife or some sort of spell, but it cut me. Just there,” and she pointed to a spot on her neck just above her collar bone. “Then he started to say things to me. Nasty things. Just kept on and on. Then, finally, Benjy yelled out, and Mulciber ran off back to his common room. And I just...let him go.”

She was shocked to realize that she’d started to cry again. The tears weren’t fast and desperate as they had been a few minutes ago. Now they were controlled, cathartic. They rolled slowly down her cheeks, past her chin, and over the spot on her neck where Mulciber had cut her.

“Thank god,” James murmured. She was grateful for this interjection as it gave her a moment to wipe her eyes. “What happened then?”

Lily shook herself slightly. Now that she’d started to talk, she found she couldn’t stop. “We went straight to Dumbledore.”

James nodded vigorously. “Good, good. I’m glad. What’s going to happen to Mulciber?”

Lily let out a cold, involuntary laugh. “Nothing, James. Nothing at all.”

James gaped at her. “How is that possible! Surely Dumbledore-”

“I gave Dumbledore my memory,” Lily felt shame creep into her once again, “but it wasn’t enough. I never saw his face, never got a clear view of him in my mind. But I knew it was him. Dumbledore said there wasn’t enough to go on and sent me off to Pomfrey.”

A moment of silence passed between them. Lily noticed with a jolt that James clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. “That’s bullshit,” he whispered finally, “Dumbledore is supposed to protect us. Supposed to protect you.” He glanced sideways at her, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry, Lily.”

She smiled weakly back at him. “Thanks. But honestly, he was right. If I’d have just gone after him. I mean, he ran away from me, I could have hit him with a stunner when his back was turned. But I just let him run away. I didn’t do anything to stop him.”

James’ jaw twitched, as if he were about to argue but thought better of it. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, then looked at her once more. “Lily,” he whispered, as he put his hand gingerly over her own, “I am so glad you didn’t try to stop him.”

Of all the things he could have said, this was perhaps the most surprising. “How can you say that?” She wrenched her hand from his as if he’d burned her skin. “I’m supposed to be a Gryffindor. A prefect. And I can’t even defend myself from an evil, cowardly-”

“I’m glad,” James interjected softly, “because it could have saved your life. Or at the very least, saved you from an even greater harm. Think about it. He was already willing to hurt you once, who’s to say he wouldn’t have done it again?”

Lily did her best to choke back a sob. “But I let him get away with it. What if he does it again to someone else?”

James considered this for a moment. “I think sometimes the bravest choice is to keep yourself safe. And it sounds like in that moment you were in no position, emotionally or otherwise, to try and take him down. Not after what he did to you. You live to fight another day, always.”

Lily said nothing. She still felt the shame, the guilt that she’d watched Mulciber run down that corridor without so much as reaching for her wand. But she also remembered the panic, the feeling that she couldn’t move a muscle. Fear had rendered her completely immobile. She couldn’t have stopped him even if she wanted to.

“I know you won’t believe me when I say this, but you can’t blame yourself,” James said firmly, “you reacted the only way you knew how. It doesn’t make you weak.”

Lily nodded slowly. Then, without thinking, she reached back out and took his hand gently in her own. They sat like that for a long time, sitting several feet away from each other but holding hands quietly. James stared straight ahead into the fire, but every now and then would run his thumb across the ridges of her knuckles.

After at least ten minutes of quiet, Lily spoke. “You haven’t asked me what he said.”

James shrugged. “It’s not my business. I mean, if you want to tell me, you can. But I have a feeling you would have by now.”

Lily tried to block out the voice that played like a megaphone in her head. Mudblood. Pathetic. Useless. Stupid little girl.

“I’m sure you can guess,” Lily muttered, hating herself for crying again.

James turned his head from the fire to look at her again. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, Lily,” he’d never heard him sound so sincere before, “I really believe he chose the wrong person to fuck with.”

Lily smiled weakly and squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

James smiled back. “Plus,” he offered, “you’ve got a lot of friends that will help you kick his arse back to hell or whatever hole he crawled out from.”

Lily couldn’t help but laugh a little. It was an empty threat. She knew that Mulciber’s attack was a symptom of something darker, something more insidious than a school rivalry. Her friends wouldn’t be able to protect her forever. But it was nice to pretend that she wasn’t alone.

“Thank you. I’m glad you were here tonight, even if you scared the ever loving shit out of me.”

James winked, but it was with less cheek than he usually possessed. “No problem. You know me, students from far and wide across this great castle seek me out for my emotional services.”

She really laughed at this. “Somehow I don’t believe that.”

“Believe it, I’m really quite mature when I want to be.”

She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her chest. Her heart was still heavy, and she suspected it would be for some time now, but it was easier to bear. Suddenly she realized how completely exhausted she was.

“I should go up,” she whispered. She squeezed his hand gently before pulling away from him. “I’ve got to get some sleep or I’ll be a wreck for McGonagall.”

James stood quickly with her as she moved to leave. “I’ll hand in your essay, if you want,” he said hurriedly, “you should get as much sleep as you can. She won’t mind, I’ll tell her to talk to Dumbledore if she has any questions.”

Lily frowned at him slightly. “How can you hand in my essay if you haven’t even done yours?”

James barked with laughter at this. “You underestimate me! I wouldn’t dare ignore an assignment from Minnie.”

“Right,” Lily said, bemused. She pulled out her wand and summoned her essay down from her dorm. It zoomed right into her hand, and she handed it over. “Thanks so much. You’re a lifesaver.”

“Don’t mention it, I hope you get some-”

But his sentence was cut off by the sound of the portrait hole swinging open.

“Oi!” Sirius called as he and Peter strode over to them, “where the bloody hell were you? You were supposed to be our lookout, remember?”

Lily raised an eyebrow at James. “You know, we never did get around to discussing what you were doing in the common room at one in the morning.”

James laughed nervously. “Ah, Evans, there are some things you’re better off not knowing. Trust me.”

She smiled at him once more, then turned her back on him for her dormitory. The sounds of bickering followed her, echoing all the way across the common room and up the stairs.

The words did not stop playing over and over again in her head the whole time she got ready for bed. Pathetic. Useless. Mudlbood. But now, new words joined them. Soft, kind words broke the monotony of cruelty that played on repeat inside her mind.

You live to fight another day, always.

[alwayssimmin-alwaysrantin]

Winter 2014

I try to keep my face stone still; I worry that if it moves an inch, I’ll become a complete wreck. I whimper for Ben, as much energy as I’ve put into avoiding it. At my cries, I start to hear Gen’s own through the wall of our bedroom, and I wish I could go out and help her, but I just can’t seem to move my body out of the bed. 

“Janny? Please come out.” Gen knocks on the door. “Please,” she whimpers. I don’t say anything for fear of a childish wail escaping my throat, and I hear her walk away and toward the living room.

…

Near a half-hour later, I’m still lying in my bed, staring at the bunk above me and listening to the clock on the wall tick away. Then the doorbell rings, and I hear tiny, Gen feet-sized footsteps rush toward the front door. 

“Genevieve!” Ben yells, “Are you okay, baby?” Her heart-wrenching sobs pierce through the drywall and right into my ears.

“Benny,” she sniffles.

“What is it, sweetheart? What’s wrong? Why didn’t you say anything on the phone, love? I was so worried!”

“Daddy left.” Save for Gen’s crying, the house is utterly silent, and I can feel his breath hitch. He knows exactly what this means. This time, he isn’t coming back.

“Oh, Gen, I am so sorry, love. I am so sorry.” She’s quiet for a moment.

“Jan really needs you, Benny.” I don’t know exactly what does it, but there must be something on Gen’s face because at that, Ben’s footsteps start to sprint up the hallway toward my room.

He bursts through the door and moves toward the bed. “Nettie?” At his voice, so close, my lip starts to tremble and my eyes start to sting again. “Nettie.” He folds himself over my body, finds my hand, and links our fingers together. I hiccup. 

“Benji, Daddy left. For real.” He kisses my cheek, now streaked with tears on every inch. “He’s not coming back—”

“I know, Jan. I’m so sorry.” I turn onto my back, and Ben falls the rest of the way into the bed. For a while we sit there, and I just cry.  

“Mom’s gone too.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.” I pause. “I’m not actually sure if she’s coming back.” He squeezes me tighter into his arms.

“I wish I could take all of this away, Netts, I really do.”

“I know.” I lean into him, and I’m silent out of fear of the next words that eventually make their way out of my mouth. “I don’t know if I would want her to either.”

“You don’t have to worry about that right now, lover.” I nod, and Ben kisses my head. “We should probably go out to your sister. She’s really scared about you, I think. She needs to see you and make sure you’re okay for herself.”

“Oh, Gen, love,” I murmur. Then, I shift my attention and energy on moving my legs to get out of bed, but the efforts are fruitless. 

“Here,” Ben says, rolling over me and onto the floor, “I’ll get you.” He picks me up and carries me out into the living room.

…

When Gen spots us walking toward the couch, with her already tear-stained face, she starts crying once more and yells “Janny! Are you okay?” She runs up to us and holds her body close as we continue our walk. 

Ben sets me down on the couch, but his hands don’t leave my back and arm until I prove to him “I can still sit up alone, Ben. I promise.”

“Alright,” he says, “but make sure you’re leaning against the back of the couch if you need to.” I nod my head toward Gen, sitting criss-cross on the floor, her back now facing me and Ben. 

“She needs you more right now, Ben,” I whisper. “I can hold it together until her bedtime.” He cocks an eyebrow, and as much as it makes me feel like it’s a time to laugh, as it’s been every other time he’s done it, I know he’s serious. “Now that you’re here,” I say, internally rolling my eyes. His mouth starts to turn upside-right again. Or maybe not so internally.

“Gen-ster, baby,” Ben starts, turning around toward her, “we all need to talk a little bit. I know it’s hard, love. I’m really sorry.” He crouches and wraps his arms around her. She sniffs.

“Why did he leave me and Janny too? Why couldn’t he bring us with him?”

“Oh, Gen, I don’t know. I really wish I could tell you the answer to that.” I’ve known Gen’s torn up about this, just like I am, but for some reason, it only now dawns on me that she’s been pushing things down because of her worry for me. That’s supposed to be my job.

“He didn’t,” I start, wiping my face with my hand and looking into her eyes, “he didn’t leave us.” Yeah, right. “You know how Mom makes us feel?” She nods. “She made Dad feel that way too, and he wasn’t able to do anything about it. He just knows that we were both strong enough to be okay without him. And he’s right, isn’t he?” I lean forward and rub her cheek. “Isn’t he, Genni?”

She sniffs. “Yeah, he is. I only need you, Janet.” I move my hand to cover my, now, quivering lip but force the rest of my face into an affectionate smile. 

Ben pulls her into a hug. “And she’s not going anywhere, baby,” he says. “And neither am I, if that makes you feel any better.” She lets out a small laugh, and I see relief wash over Ben’s face. “Now, I think after the long night you’ve had, it’s time for a good long sleep. Goodnight, Gen.”

“Night, Benny.” She kisses his cheek and stands up, walking over to me. Then she leans down and kisses my head. “Night, Janny.” 

I barely hold myself and my fake smile together long enough for her bedroom door to close. But I do. After that, I fall to pieces and am worse for wear than I’ve been all night. Ben rests a hand on my leg, but as soon as tears start pouring again, I fall into him, and he pulls me as close as he can.

[midsummerevening]

Episode 2: Spotlight Party

Second analysis here we go!

First off, that Ferris wheel scene at the beginning? I don’t need to be a dream expert to know what it means. Like I said in my previous post, Victor, on that night, chose Mia over Benji. Thing is, if he had summoned up the courage to ask Benji, he would have. He looked at him first after all! But he went to Mia. This dream, however, reveals pretty much who his first choice was directed to. Who he wished he would have been with. Not to mention the fact Victor and Benji were about to kiss. In this scene lies Victor’s hidden desire.

But not only. As the crowd booing certifies, Victor is more than afraid to come out. And at this moment, the non-tolerance, the rejection from his own family and this new community he has just started to call home.

It’s not a dream. It’s a nightmare. A nightmare Victor does not want to live. Obviously this is far more intricate than it looks, because Victor may believe that coming out would compromise everything he ever had, for now he is only compromising himself from being who he is. As the episodes go on, we do see that he is mentally-conflicted.

That is something we witness later on at the lunch period. Victor is invited to Mia’s spotlight party and Felix says: “You have to wear yellow. Why wouldn’t you?” to which Victor makes that quizzical kinda sceptical face.

This is the same look he gave to Pilar or to Isabel in 1x01. He looks so sick and tired of continuing this whole charade, the pretending. And he will tell as much to Mia later on that night. We’ll go back to that moment later on.

As much as he is tired of this, he doesn’t confess why he wouldn’t wear green, because that would lead him to come out not only to Felix but also to Pilar. Victor has not yet come to terms with who he is exactly, so how could he?

Plus, I think there is a new added pressure now as he has become “popular” + the weight of expectations that he will go out with Mia. Now he feels like he can’t slip up. I do believe that Victor is happy that everyone seems to accept him (who would like to be outcast?), but it’s even harder to come out now that people seem to love him, and what’s more, to love him for something he’s not. That’s hard to handle.

Then the scene with Benji at Brasstown confronts him to everything he’s been trying to avoid. It clashes with the image that everyone has of him now in high school, that he, the new kid, is straight and is likely to go out with Mia. Pushes him to realize he is attracted to boys and not girls. In sum, it is a confrontation with himself and who he has been denying for so long already… which is why, as pleasant as the encounter was, he leaves, rushes to his place and puts on that horrible yellow tee-shirt. Another layer to pretend. Another masque. The face he’s making to the mirror? Sad. Defeated. It crushed me. I knew in a heart-beat that he forced himself into wearing it. He felt pressured, and now with Benji… it’s like he can’t run from reality any more (well, he did run from the coffee shop).

The only way he finds to avoid is to conform to the image everyone has made of him. The use of the mirror is interesting in that sense. Victor’s reflection in the mirror isn’t Victor. It’s only a belief that people entertain because Victor has decided to go on with the illusion that he’s straight.

His interaction with Felix only brings confirmation. He did it because that is what he ought to do. A girl is interested in you. She hosts a spotlight party. Why are you going to do? Not wear yellow? That’s non-sense! What got into you?

Ultimately choosing not to wear yellow will bring out more suspicions, more… questions. From Felix, from other people too perhaps. Better to blend in. “Like you said, why wouldn’t I?” I wonder…

Flash forward to the party. Victor arrives, goes with the guys of the basketball team and, what does he do? He jumps at the first opportunity to wear green. On one hand, that could be because he wants to be thought well by the guys. After all, he wants to be accepted more than anything. Another indicator of that is when he goes along with the banter: “Have you seen Mia yet? - What? She’s looking for me?” and everyone laughs.

On the other hand, that could be because he’s actually relieved that he doesn’t get to wear yellow after all.

Later on, as Victor receives Simon’s message, realization hit him. Is this the image you want to give? “Betray yourself”?

He no longer wears yellow but he’s playing a part nonetheless. He becomes aware that it’s not worth it. He was so happy of fitting in that he ended up losing himself in the process… That’s after that that he decides to stand up for Felix.

Then comes this amazing scene with Mia where they confide in one another. Mia says that “sometimes it’s easier to just plaster on a smile and let people see what they want” and right then, though it is not obvious either to Mia or to himself, Victor voices out loud the reason why he doesn’t/can’t come out. He’s “scared shitless of not fitting” in Creekwood. Fear. That’s the reason.

The connection that these two have is undeniable. They get each other, they get along. And clearly this is what leads (or misleads) Victor to believe that maybe he is into girls after all, maybe this could work. The heart-to-heart talk that Victor had with Mia + the story that his father told him about him and Isabel sealed the deal for Victor, if I may say so. Now Victor is convinced that Mia might be the one for him. I would even say, that after having that discussion and having realized that he actually likes her, he turns out to be happy to have wore yellow. It doesn’t feel like he’s pretending any more.

Finally. The phone call from Benji. Benji is the constant reminder of what Victor is trying to forget. His attraction to boys. That phone call, it set him straight (no pun-intended). It brought him back to reality. Victor wonders what will happen, and might be dreading working with Benji at this point, following his gay panic at the interview. He’s afraid that what he wants to deny will come back in full force. The music in the background that closes the episode is quite interesting: I want to be loved, don’t want to be hated. I’m too mixed-up. It sums up pretty well Victor at this point.

Thanks again for reading!

[themissinghippogriff]

| ,love james | an imagine

Sirius x Reader

Desription: (Really sweet, in my opinion and im rather proud of it) James gets tired of the amount of time reader is spending with Sirius and figures out a way to break the two up. 

W.C: 1.8k+

Warning: Eh not really

Requested

0000

James huffed as he played with his snitch, once again Sirius was off with (y/n). He hadn’t minded that much at first but it was like they were always with each other. He barely saw Sirius and even between classes she dragged him off somewhere for a snog or a bloody quickie. 

Remus suppressed a smile as he leaned against the tree, book open, “ Is everything alright, James?” he asked, a sandy brow raised. 

James let out an even heavier huff, “ Just peachy, that leech with (y/h/c) hair is an absolute Padfoot hog!” he cried in disbelief to both Peter and Remus who shared a look, as if the two had heard this a hundred times before, “ I mean at first it wasn’t a big deal-,” 

“ Easy, Prongs,” said Remus in a mild voice, “ You wouldn’t want Sirius to hear you talk about (y/n) like that,” 

Jame’s mouth dropped, “ HE’S NOT EVEN AROUND TO HEAR!” he stated before pulling himself up, the cogs in his head turning at top speed, “ And I’m going to do something about it!” 

Remus let out a sigh and looked at Peter, “ This isn’t good is it Pete?” 

Peter smiled lazily, “ Might as well sit back and watch, you know it’s not a good idea to get in between a married couple,” he quipped staring at James’s back as he marched up to the castle. 

Remus only nodded, “ Look at you, Pete, using your head for a change,” 

-

James racked his brain for an idea to break the two up, make Sirius think she slept with someone? No, too messy, same going the other way around. James might have been an ass but he wasn’t a dick, well that’s what he liked to think anyway. 

He paced back and forth around his dorm until an idea- a brilliant idea hit him like a bolt of lightning. An evil glint appeared in his eye as he pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. 

(y/n) was a fairly sought out after girl, much like Sirius- he guessed that’s what drew the two together, so this idea was genius. He would write a boy in Ravenclaw, Benjy Fenwick, a love note posing as (y/n). 

He took a deep breath and with his left  hand, pressed his fingers together before doing what actors did before getting into character, but he looked more like an angry Italian if anything. He was (y/n), and then he began-

“ Dear Benjy,

I have feelings for you but I don’t know how to tell Sirius, please leave your response underneath the gargoyle on the second floor.

, Love (y/n)  “

The messy haired teen laughed maliciously, all he needed was a final touch and he knew just how to get it. Lucky for him no one else was in the common room besides first and second years. All he had to do was sneak up to the girls’ dormitory, grab her perfume, spray the letter, and get the hell out of dodge. 

He tucked the letter into his pocket, grabbed the invisibility cloak and then hurried down the stone steps. He whispered the spell to the stairway, ensuring it didn’t become a huge slide when he tried to climb it. 

He ran up the stairs, his heart racing at the thought of being caught. He made it to the fifth year dormitory and opened it slightly, peeking in to make sure there wasn’t anyone in there. He stepped into the room which looked- and smelled a lot better then his own. 

He moved over toward the dresser and saw tubes of lipstick and eyeshadow palettes but no perfume- and then he saw it. On top of (y/n)’s trunk a small glass bottle that was tinted purple. Quickly, he fished the letter out of his pocket and basically hosed down the paper with it. 

He set the bottle down and bolted. 

-

The next day during Charms when Remus wasn’t looking he slipped the paper into Benjy’s bag, undetected. Now the only thing there was left to do was wait. He sat back, a frown gracing his handsome face. He was doing the right thing, yeah? 

Sirius had to be miserable with that bird constantly up his ass, he’s just too scared to break it off with her- yeah! That was it. 

-

Later that evening James made his way to the second floor, eager to see if Benjy had written back. He was not disappointed-

“ Dear (y/n),

I can tell you this is delightful news as I’ve had a crush on you for quite some time now, and as for Sirius, just break it off. But in the meantime, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. 

, Love Benjy “ 

Jame’s burst into a laughing fit which quickly turned into coughing as his eyes bolted around the hallway. He caught sight of a second year looking at him with wide eyes but they scampered off after he glared. 

This was perfect, thank Merlin!

-

Before dinner James composed another letter, this time adding bit and pieces of not exactly PG rated ideas, and as he knew what the perfume bottle looked like and the name he could summon it easily. 

He placed the letter back behind the gargoyle and then headed to the Great Hall, which unsurprisingly, Sirius was nowhere to be found. 

-

James opened up his dorm to see (y/n) atop Sirius- naked. 

“ BLOODY HELL MATE!” he screamed, his hands going to his eyes, “ REMUS STAY BACK! STAY BACK!” he repeated before slamming the door shut.

Remus huffed a laugh, “ Are they going at it?” he asked. 

James shuddered, “ This is the fifth time I’ve walked in on them! I swear it’s like they want to be seen!”

-

It had been three days and James was getting impatient. He had been kicked out of his own dorm, blown off, robbed of a best friend, and his eyes assaulted far too many times! Enough was enough but the question was how to have this all come tumbling down. 

He racked his brain for ideas as he walked down the corridor one afternoon but stopped when he saw Benjy looking out at Sirius and (y/n). His fists were clenched and his eyes narrowed as he sped towards them, “ Oi, Black!” he yelled. 

Oh shit. 

“ Gerrof her!” he said, pushing (y/n) behind him, “ She doesn’t bloody want you!” 

Sirius’s eyes flashed and (y/n) looked confused as she shoved Benjy off of her, “ Excuse me?!” she sputtered, “ What the hell is your problem?!” 

Benjy’s mouth dropped, “ What are you doing?! You told me you were going to break up with him and get with me!” 

(y/n), Sirius, and James’s jaws dropped in unison at this sudden declaration. 

Sirius spun around onto (y/n), his eyes full of devastation, “ Is...Is that true?” he whispered. 

She shook her head frantically, grabbing his hand, “ No Sirius!” she gasped, her eyes pleading, “ You know me, you know I would never cheat!” 

Sirius nodded his head but didn’t meet her eyes, he took her hand from hers and turned back to Benjy, “ Shove off and let her and I talk, you damn liar,” he growled. 

James watched the whole thing go down with large hazel eyes, if this is what muggles called a soap opera then he just might get into watching them. 

The blond boy faltered but reached down into his bag and pulled out the letter that had been sent by James, unbeknownst to him. James grimaced, things were about to get ugly. 

Fenwick handed Sirius the letters, “ These were written by her, to me- smell them! She sprayed them with perfume,” 

James rubbed his hands together as a fly would, but little did he know he was about to get smacked in the face with the newest rolled up  addition of vogue, “ This isn’t her handwriting- nor is it her perfume,” bit out Sirius, throwing the letters back in Benjy’s face who paled. 

Oh shit. 

(y/n) picked up one of the letter’s and sniffed, “ This… this is Emmaline’s perfume,” she said, her eyes hurt. Jame’s eyes practically bulged out of his head, she thought Emmaline had done it. 

His stomach soured as guilt made a home in his chest, the realization that he had not only roped Fenwick into his little play, but Em as well. 

Fenwick bolted back up to the castle as (y/n) wiped at her eyes, “ Why would Emmy do this,” she sniffed, “ She’s my best friend,” 

Sirius didn’t know what to do, “ I’m sorry love, but… it doesn’t seem like she is,” 

James’ heart lurched as he replaced the names. He acting as Emmaline, (y/n) as Sirius, and Sirius as her. He had fucked up, royally. 

She said something to Sirius who nodded. She started off toward Gryffindor tower while Sirius watched her go with sad eyes, running a hand through his dark locks before making his way to the hall for dinner. 

James chased after her, “ Oi! (y/l/n)!” he yelled before she could reach the staircase. She stopped and turned to him with a curious look. 

“ Yes, James?” 

He opened his mouth but nothing came out, he struggled but in the end his voice came through, “ It was me,” he said quietly, “ I sent the notes,”

Her eyes widened and her hand went to her heart, “ What? W-Why?” she asked. 

James rubbed the back of his neck, “ Because I was jealous and I felt like… I felt like you had stolen my best mate,” 

Her eyes flashed with anger, “ Are you bloody thick, James Potter?!” she demanded, “ Steal Sirius from you? Are you kidding?!” she asked in disbelief, “ Sirius loves you so much! I could never steal him from you!”

James shrunk back, his eyes on the ground, “ I’m sorry I was wrong, but please, Emmaline had nothing to do with this, it was all me,” 

She was silent, “ I appreciate your honesty, “ she murmured, “ But don’t think I’m not telling Sirius,” 

-

James hung his head as Sirius yelled at him and afterwards he slammed the door, leaving James to feel horrible. 

It was three days later and Sirius hadn’t spoken to him, and that was when (y/n) came up to him, a frown on her face, “ C’mon, James,” she said, “ Let’s go get your best mate back,” 

-

Sirius was eating breakfast when a letter swayed down in front of his face, landing near his plate. It was addressed to him but didn’t have a name. The teenager opened it-

“ Dear Sirius,

I know you’re absolutely pissed at me but I just want you to know how sorry I am, I know I fucked up. I’ve apologized to (y/n) over and over and she had the idea for me to write you a letter… ironic huh? Once again I’m so sorry Padfoot, and I promise I’ll never do something as stupid as this again. 

, Love James”

Sirius sniffed the letter and chuckled, that git had really sprayed it with his cologne. He looked down the table to find his girlfriend staring at him with a soft smile. He returned it, getting up to go find his best mate. 

---

@writingwieny​ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ⁱᵗ :)

[spacetimewraithwrites-archive]

Word Prompt #13

Word: Jelly (suggested by @fictional-ghost!) WIP: Partners III CW: Nothing at all. Well...unless someone needs me to tag food or condiments. Word Count: 1,232 Additional Notes: takes place in 1968 or 1969. PIII is my favorite of the main trilogy. Uh...I just love the person Reagan has become. his character arc up to the third installment is just *chef kiss* and this should shed a bit of light on why PIII Reagan is superior to PI and PII Reagan lol

***

Brady turned the mouth of the glass jar toward his face and attempted to scrape the remnants of its contents onto his knife. “Hey, Maura, did you happen to make some more jelly?”

Maura craned her neck from the kitchen island to search as best she could over the top of the newspaper her husband had been lost inside at the table, sweeping her newly-shortened hair out of her eyes in order to see better. “Erm...I did. Your sister’s got it.”

Across the table Charlotte froze in the midst of slathering the last of the sweet strawberry spread onto her toast and locked eyes with Brady. “We have jam.”

“That’s great.” Brady dropped his hands onto his lap and his shoulders slumped with drama unmatched by his Academy Award-nominated father sitting beside him. “I truly appreciate that, but if I wanted jam I would’ve asked for jam.”

“What’s wrong with jam?”

“What isn’t wrong with jam? Want a list?”

“Actually, yeah, if you’re gonna be weird about this.”

Brady started ticking off on his fingers. “The consistency is terrible. There is far too much fruit pulp in jam as opposed to jelly. The flavor is too concentrated and sometimes isn’t even sweet enough. Need I go on?”

Reagan, previously thought to have been unaffected by the conversation, lowered the top half of the newspaper and turned wary eyes onto his son from over the rim of his reading glasses.

“I’m sure you can go without jelly for one morning,” Charlotte retorted. “We’ve got butter, and Maura’s marmalade, and there are preserves in the cupboard from my dorm mother. There’s honey and cinnamon and need I go on?”

“I don’t mind if you want to use my marmalade, darling,” Maura piped up, holding up the orange jar.

Brady shook his head. “Thanks, Maura, but it’s on principle now. I had my heart set on jelly and I can’t have jelly.”

Charlotte frowned. “Who raised you? Not him,” she said, pointing to Reagan, who was fully invested by now, “because he did not raise his kids to be spoiled brats crying over a condiment.”

“Strictly speaking, muirnín,” Reagan said to her, removing his glasses and folding the paper into a square on the table top, “I didn’t raise him at all. Three years ago he rose from the shores of Long Beach fully formed. His memories were implanted by the government.”

Brady snickered. “Explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

“The way you’re caterwauling about jelly, it sure as shit does. Eat the damn marmalade.” Reagan got up from the table and joined Maura, depositing his empty plate into the sink and planting a firm kiss on her cheek. “Don’t break your back for the boy; I’ll run to the store with Ben to shut him up.”

“Take a pen,” Maura muttered around a mouthful of mushroom from her plate of full breakfast. She swallowed before speaking further. “You remember what happened last time you were mobbed and didn’t have a pen.”

“Yep. I keep one in the car just in case.” Reagan snatched a pudding from the plate, earning a swat on the arm. “Ah-ah, call this payback for the Nine Years’ War.”

Maura threw a bewildered expression at his back as he exited the kitchen. “What—black pudding?”

Later, Reagan stopped the Capri in front of Ben’s place, paused when Ben propped the door open and made direct fatigued eye contact with him down the driveway. Before Reagan could call out to ask if things were okay, Noah exploded from the house via the open door, caught in a chase for his life by two of his five sisters. They cleared the lawn in seconds, tearing around the corner and disappearing behind the house, and Noah’s screams, harmonizing with Regina and Sarah hurling aggravated insults at him, could be heard from every angle of the neighborhood.

Ben let out a visible sigh and dragged himself to the car.

“What’d he do now,” Reagan asked.

“I don’t even know.” Ben climbed inside without opening the door. “Probably took the heads off their dolls again. What the hell is this about jelly?”

“Brady’s going through a phase,” Reagan said, pulling onto the road. “I’d swear on your mother’s twenty-year-old black and white television set that he’s picking up anxieties from you.”

“Leave my mother out of this, asshole.”

“Mm-hm, and have you called her at all this week?”

Ben scowled. “Have you called yours?”

“We write each other regularly. Last time I was in Ireland, I even visited her in person.”

“Big man,” Ben said facetiously. “I try to see Ma when I’m home.”

Reagan patted Ben’s knee to comfort him as his mother was a sensitive topic given her recent health scares. “We’re buying ten jars of strawberry jelly today, and I’ll let you pick out a candy bar if you’re a good boy.”

Ben’s returned the shitty grin Reagan gave him. “Even one with peanuts?”

“Yes,” Reagan laughed, knowing full well that it was rare for Ben to be able to enjoy peanuts due to Noah being highly allergic. “As long as you don’t breathe on your son at any point today, sure, go crazy.”

They let the wind carry their thoughts out of the convertible for a few minutes, and Ben observed other LA residents on the street, going about their daily lives. “Talkin’ about peanuts and going on an errand to get jelly is making me very nostalgic.”

“The first snack we ever ate together.”

“Right...you’re right! That was the first one! Just about a minute after I asked you if you lived on the moon ‘cause I couldn’t figure out your accent.” Ben also laughed, throwing his head back and clutching his stomach. “I was so excited about that sandwich.”

Reagan glanced over at Ben and noted the mirth in his face upon revisiting that time in their lives. “Well, you were five.”

“That’s no excuse; five-year-old Ben was a weirdo.”

“And nine-year-old Reagan was absolutely in love with him,” Reagan reminded him. “I wouldn’t let Benjy Mertz out of my sight for a second.”

“And how’s that any different from now, man?”

Reagan’s face split into a sly, knowing smile, yet he refused to comment further.

Once in the store, they somehow managed to grab ten jars of cheap strawberry jelly without being recognized except for the cashier who kept looking from them to the jars in pure confusion. 

Ben joined Reagan at Reagan’s house, an observant party to the bestowing of jelly jars onto Brady’s lap as the boy sat on the sofa in the living room.

“What the hell, Dad,” Brady groaned. “This is overkill.”

“Oh?” Reagan gestured to Ben. “You want I should set the professional dad on you?”

Ben hunkered down with his hands on his knees and looked Brady in the eye. “I cannot eat peanut butter anymore and you are by all rights a grown man so don’t think I won’t deck you for that jelly.”

Brady thinned his eyes. “Am I...supposed to know what that means?”

“It means eat the damn jelly,” Reagan demanded, pulling Ben away from the living room by the back of his collar. “Eat it! Now!”

“Oh my god,” Brady murmured, swiping a hand down his own face. He hesitated, then gathered the jars into his arms with the intent to transport them into the kitchen. “You guys are insane.”

[knives-out20]

Mistake -  Bobby & The Buddies

Fandom: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)

Pairings: Bobby Brightside (OC) x Cliff Booth, StarBeep, DeepSpace, Platonic!Geep,

Warnings: Swearing, Faggotry, Probably sad, The end is here, Unrealistic timeskipping because Cliff hasn’t physically changed much,

Notes: Finally, the KISS & The Buddies crossover finale is here! We can get back to normal form hereon after, woo! There may or may not be minor references to this series in future Clobby oneshots, but overall, this is it. Ramon Valdovinos is my newest OUATIC OC; faceclaimed by young Benicio Del Toro, he’s The Buddies’ manager. Enjoy!

Bobby poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue as he, Cliff, and the Buddies looked up at the tall members of KISS. 

For what was probably the last time- ever, or for now, was beyond him. He didn’t wanna think about it.

As long as no one insinuated the first idea (ever) to Beep and Deep, he ought to be fine. 

Bobby felt Cliff put his hand on his shoulder, the man’s touch alone helping him through whatever life was. He looked up at Starchild. “So...this is it, huh?” Bobby rhetorically asked.

Starchild tilted his head from side to side. “For the most part. With our diverging schedules and plans for our bands, we can’t take your band on tour with us. And you can’t take us with you. Besides, you weren’t gonna be our openers forever. The Buddies were bound to get separate attention sooner or later.”

Maria nodded a bit. “Fun while it lasted, though. Didn’t think the seventies could’ve been any better if our bands hadn’t crossed paths.”

“We think so, too” Gene grunted. “That’s one thing we thanked Peter for, before...y’know...”

Maria hummed in understanding, rubbing Frankie’s back.

“You sure we can’t take you guys to Australia with us?” Eric Carr, the new drummer for KISS, spoke up.

Bobby scoffed. “Ramon thinks it’s best for us to start small and work our way up. Around California, then the USA, the continent, and make our way up to a world tour” he explained.

“We’re- We’re not, like, shaming you for jumping onto a world tour, though.” Frankie held his hand sup.

“Fuck knows you guys deserve it” Peep added, eyes shining despite their dark colour.

“Thank you” Starchild smiled.

Cliff had both his hands on Bobby’s shoulders, massaging gently. “Would it make sense to thank you guys for letting Bobby’s band open for you guys these past years...?” He asked. “They were decently popular before you guys, and I feel that you kinda pushed that forward to be even more-so.”

 Starchild nodded, “it kinda would- you’re welcome.”

Bobby glanced up at Cliff, hiding a smile behind Bobby’s brown hair.

Beep, Ace, and Deep had been quiet thus far. Which was new; Ace never shut up whether it be laughing or talking, and Beep ‘n’ Deep were usually the most talkative two in the band.

Beep had his hands behind his back, feet shuffling and shifting in dead silence.

Ace picked at his costume, occasionally patting down his hair and looking up at the ceiling.

Deep held his left upper arm with his right hand, eyes glued down to his beat-up shoes.

The two bands dispersed into their own groups, Beep and Deep separately standing by themselves.

Ace approached Deep, “hey.”

Deep glanced up at him. “Hey.”

Ace cooed softly, using a finger to tilt Deep’s head up. “It’s a wonder how I’m still somehow taller than ya, huh?”

“Man-” Deep swatted his hand away, fighting back a smile. “Shut up.”

Ace trailed his hand down to Deep’s left upper arm, thumb stroking the tattoo he had gotten years back. “I can’t sneak you into any of my luggage, can I?”

“Wish y’could. But I got a double-life here, with the comedy and the band.”

“Yea, I know. I’ll ring your line, though. Through calls and letters and whatever else I can do....a mail carrier pigeon?”

Deep snorted, “you’re unbelievable.”

“Like I haven’t heard you say that enough times already.”

Deep looked up at Ace, gulping.

The corner of Ace’s lips twitched up into a slight, sad grin. “I’ll miss you while we’re down ‘n’ out ‘n’ wherever.”

“I’ll miss you too...What’s gonna happen to us?”

Ace sucked his teeth, emotions unable to hide behind his ghostly-coloured makeup. “No clue, but we’ll manage. Can’t be that hard if we keep in contact like I said earlier.”

“I guess.”

Ace clenched his jaw, thinking of what to say next.

“Think your hair will grow back next time I see ya?”

He giggled, reaching a hand up to feel his now-shorter hair. “Hope so. I know how much you like it long so you could-”

“Ace.”

“I’m joking” Ace winked playfully. “We’ll see. Think you can get it that long?”

“Never in a million years!”

Ace laughed, clapping his hands together.

The only sight Deep could ever want to see, the only one he needed. His finger traced the tattoo on his arm, it was of 'Frehley Forever’ in Ace’s handwriting.

“I’ll see you in time for your birthday, though. In November?”

“Yea.”

“I’ll see you in November” Ace chirped in a sing-song voice, earning an airy chuckle from Deep. “If not, I’ll send some stuff back to ya, a few gifts, maybe. If we’re in Australia still, maybe a kangaroo.”

Deep laughed.

Ace smiled in adoration as he leaned in, softly kissing over the tattoo on Deep’s arm before kissing Deep’s lips themselves. “Love you, Derek.”

“Love you too.” Deep mumbled, his airy chuckle turning into a typical laugh when Ace did what he always did; ruffle Deep’s hair.

Starchild and Beep looked away from the two, and back at one another. 

Beep looked up at Starchild twitching. “Y’gonna miss my tics when you’re away?” He joked.

“More than anything” Starchild played along, Beep’s eyes trailing the outline of the black star around his eye. “I’ll miss you more, in and of itself. Shame you’re not short enough to fit in my jacket and come along with us, eh?”

Beep chortled. “First time I’m too tall for something, I’ll say.”

Starchild cupped Beep’s cheek, soft to the touch. “I’ll try keepin’ in touch. I won’t give up on us if you won’t. But as the Bobby of this band-” the two shared a giggle, “I’ll most likely be distant, literally. It’ll be busy.”

“I never could.” Beep assured him, hands interlocking with Starchild’s bigger ones and giving them quick squeezes. “See if Gene can send over free KISS merchandise” he sarcastically recommended.

“I’ll think about it” Starchild winked. He pulled Beep closer, fingers tracing down Beep’s neck. “I’ll be hot blooded f’you” Starchild referenced.

Beep felt his face flush, knowing what he was referencing.

“Check it and see?”

Beep kissed his teeth, dragging his tongue across his teeth. “I’ve got a fever of a hundred and three.”

Starchild grinned, bringing Beep’s hand up to kiss it, imprinting it with a red lipstick stain.

One Beep wishes he could keep forever. He gestured for Starchild to lean down, pulling him in to imprint the red lipstick over his own lips.

Peep slunk over to Gene, looking all the way up a him. “Gene.” She bowed.

Gene exhaled through his nose. “Peep.” He returned, bowing a bit.

“If you’re gone, who’s gonna protect me from secret serial killers?” Peep inquired.

Gene groaned, shaking his head. “I’m sure your brothers can manage” he shrugged.

“Benji and Derek? Wow, you sure have higher hopes for them, don’t’cha?”

“I don’t see in ‘em what Starchild and Ace see, but, yes.”

“Well, course you don’t. What Starchild and Ace see in ‘em is what you see in Dolly” Peep reminded, though it wasn’t something Gene needed reminding of.

“Y’got that right” Gene nodded. “That aside, you’re a strong lady, Penelope. You’re more than capable of takin’ care of yourself. Ain’t that right? I mean, you’re not so scared o’me anymore, right? That’s a feat.”

Peep lightly punched his arm. “Shut up” he giggled.

Gene smiled down at her, patting the top of her head. “If you’re ever really in so much trouble, I’m sure y’know how to get to me.”

“I do.” Peep smiled. 

Gene grinned. “Y’gonna miss this?” He asked, sticking out his horrifically long tongue.

Peep groaned in fake-disgust, turning away. “Gross, this is a question for Dolly, not me-”

Gene cackled, throwing his head back a bit.

Peep smiled proudly, hands on her hips. Making Gene laugh- or so much as smile- was a rare feat she had only seen Ace achieve thus far (”look! It’s rock and roll!”).

Bobby watched the Sweeneys converse with their government-assigned KISS members (as he liked to joke), gaze flickering to the floor in melancholy.

“You okay, babe?”

Bobby reached a hand up, carefully cupping Cliff’s cheek. He hummed in response. “I dunno when we’re gonna see ‘em again, mango. What if we never have time to hang out again? What if shit goes down and we have to stop hanging up with one of ‘em, or someone breaks up with someone else and it’s all weird?” He inquired. “I dunno, I just...as much as I liked the Buddies being independent, opening for ‘em as cool as hell.”

Cliff kissed Bobby’s palm. “Somethin’ tells me this isn’t the end, Bobby. They may not be your employers or technical-band-mates anymore, but they’re still your friends” he answered, kissing the top of Bobby’s head. “And we know a thing or two about friends, don’t we?”

“All sorts’a stuff.”

“Exactly. We know lots of the outcomes that this friendship with Gene, Peter- uh, Eric now, Paul, and Ace could come to. We’re ready for any of them anyways, amirite?”

“Right.” Bobby had the ghost of a smile on his face as he craned his head up to look at Cliff, though upside down. “God, you’re my religion.”

“Love you too” Cliff purred, kissing Bobby’s nose.

Backtracking to Deep and Ace, Ace’s hand in Deep’s hair. 

Deep glanced down at his watch, literally watching as each second with Ace slipped away. Each of Beep’s seconds with Starchild. Each of Peep’s seconds with Gene. “I just wanna stay here forever.”

“Y’do?” Ace arched a brow.

“‘Cause I know in the mornin’, you’ll be gone. And the morning after  that- rats, then the next ones after that.”

Ace gulped, pulling Deep in and tightly hugging him. “Bring it in, man.”

Deep wrapped his arms around Ace’s neck, a hand in his pitch black, but godly soft hair. “Ace?”

Ace pulled away from the hug, a hand cupping Deep’s cheek. Their noses were inches apart. “Yea?”

Deep glanced down at his tattoo. “Don’t make a mistake outta me, alright?”

Ace fought back a knowing grin, simply nodding. “Never on any planet, baby.”

Beep, meanwhile, bit the edge of his lip. “Starry?”

Starchild looked down at him, “mhm?”

Beep looked at the red lips on his hand. “Don’t make a- make a mistake out of me, alright? Out of, uh, us.”

Starchild’s eyebrows furrowed together a bit. “Y’know how I say I can see into the future, Benji?” 

Beep squinted, confused. “Yea-?”

“I can say for certain that I don’t see that happening.” Starchild chuckled.

Beep slowly smiled, feeling a twinge of relief. “I love you, Starry.”

“Yea, I love you too.”

Peep tilted his head. “Gene, y’better not make a mistake out of our friendship while you’re gone.”

Gene narrowed his eyes. “How could I-?”

“I dunno, but just don’t” Peep shrugged, rolling up an imaginary sleeve.

Gene scoffed, saluting her. “Aye-Aye, Penelope.”

Bobby smiled to himself, Cliff’s hand going up and under his shirt. “I’ll miss ‘em.”

“Yea, me too” Cliff agreed. “But this isn’t the end, remember?”

“Far from it.”

[criminalromantic]

Cornelia Street - Chapter 7 (Billy Russo x Fem!Reader)

Summary: What happens when you and Billy don’t see each other?

Word Count: 1797

A/N: this is kind of a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoy it 

Warnings: none

********************

Don’t come over today.

Was the text that you quickly sent Billy as you were ready for work. To say that you were nervous was an understatement. Never before you sent Billy that kind of text, but then again, you were always excited to see him. That one week alone was already quite a ride and you just wanted to be done with it and sort through your thoughts. It seemed to be chilly, but sunny day and you were not willing to let anyone or anything ruin your Friday. 

As the day went you were feeling less tense, but at the same time more. You were thankful for every single minute when Billy didn’t show up. At the same time, you were scared that Billy replied to your text or worse - he would come through the door anytime and confront you about it. That is why you didn’t touch your phone since you sent the text and it has been hours since then. 

The worst thing probably was that he didn’t know the reason behind your sudden change of heart. He didn’t know what he did or how you felt about it. According to his reputation and how it portrayed him to be, something like this was exactly something he would do. 

Sound of the door opening brought you down to earth. It was a woman who bought a small bouquet for her friend’s birthday. Moments after she left, a man walked in. 

He was tall, visibly muscular with short dark hair. As he walked towards you, you noticed his face looked like it had experienced a lot, but you didn’t judge. 

“Hi, how may I help you?” You asked somewhat cheerfully out of habit as the man now stood on the other side of the counter.

“Hi, I’m looking to buy something for my girlfriend. A good pal of mine recommended this place, saying it’s his favorite in all of New York.” For some strange reason, he seemed a bit nervous as he spoke, a little smile on his lips.

“Well, I’m happy to hear that. I’m guessing that your friend really must like flowers. Anyway, what can I get you?” 

“Seven pink roses, please. And no, he was never particularly into flowers. At least until, recently.” He explained as you grabbed the flowers and positioned them to arrange them. Could it be?

“Really? That’s interesting, but not in a bad way. Flowers can make our lives a little more beautiful one bouquet at a time.” For a second you raised your head to smile at the man. As you were finishing with your work, in the corner of your eye you saw him shifting from one leg to another uncomfortably. But you didn’t say anything.

“Alright, your total is 26 dollars.” He put a few bucks in front of you before you even finished your sentence. You handed him the change, he took it and put it all in your tip jar. 

“Wow, that’s quite generous of you, thank you.” You said as 14 dollars landed in it. 

“Excellent service, what can I say?” He hung around like he wanted to say something. Seconds later he turned around with a quick “bye” and left.

The rest of the day went by fast. Like every Friday, there were a lot of people buying flowers for dates or other celebrations, but the last hour was basically dead. Sometimes you wondered what it is like - to be hanging out with friends at a party or a bar or someone’s place. You never really get to do that. Usually, you’re tired after work and you’re more of a daytime person anyway. Most of your friends are like that too and the ones that aren’t - you aren’t that close to them. You are your own boss and you could close up early whenever you wanted, but you wanted to maintain a routine. 

The clock struck 8 o’clock so you closed the shop and made sure everything was taken care of before you left for the weekend. Slowly you grabbed your phone and looked at it dreadfully. You didn’t want to check your notifications, but never using your phone for the rest of your life was kind of impossible. When you finally unlocked your phone, you saw… nothing. No notification. You felt relieved and slowly made your way upstairs to your apartment, where a hungry cat was already awaiting you. 

While your day was calm, Billy’s wasn’t at all. Fridays were always hectic because everybody was trying to get their work done before the weekend - at least most people he worked with were like that. That meant that the entire day Billy was drowning in a pile of reports and contracts that needed to be checked. Not to mention that two days ago a friend - Dinah Madani - asked him to help her with a case. So basically since he got back to work on Wednesday, he hadn’t had a moment to take a breath. The whole day he was feeling stressed and became angrier and angrier when he discovered that some of the reports had incorrect information or some contracts didn’t have all the signatures they were supposed to have. Amateurs. Billy thought as he leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes. 

He looked at this phone, lying on the desk, and thought that he could use a little break. The first thing he saw was a text message from you. He was excited for a moment - until he saw what you wrote. What? He opened the conversation and his fingers hovered over the keyboard. He ended up writing nothing because he didn’t know what to write back. Instead, he just stared at the four words. When he finally put the phone away to get back to work, he couldn’t. Different reasons why you wouldn’t want him to come popped up in his mind and none of them were good. What if something happened to you? What if you felt sick again? What if you just didn’t want to see him again? But he was going to respect your wishes. Then he came up with a plan to see what was wrong and picked up the phone again.

“Hey, Frankie, uhm, are you free right now?” Billy asked a little timidly, not knowing how to word his question.

“Uh, yeah, what is it, Bill?” 

“I need you to go to Y/N’s flower shop to check on her. For some reason, she doesn’t want me to come and I want to make sure she’s all right.” 

“Wait, hold up. What do you mean she doesn’t want you to come over?” Frank was often Billy’s voice of reason and now it even seemed like he could read his mind. 

“That’s what I don’t know, but she doesn’t want to see me today and as much as I want to go there right now, I can’t. So, will you go over there?” Billy flinched at how desperate and urgent his voice sounded, he was not used to that.

“Sure, why not. Send me the address.” He thanked his friend and quickly typed the address before sending it. He wasn’t completely calm, but he did feel a bit better and went back to work.

He was happy to hear from Frank that you were safe and nice as ever. He smiled at how Frank described your dedication to your job and mentally agreed. Another reason he smiled was that Frank liked you and his opinion mattered to him a lot. They have been through a lot together, seen each other’s ups and downs. They were always looking out for one another and that meant in all aspects of life - romantic included. 

But one thing kept him up at night. If you were all right, why wouldn’t you want him to come over? Maybe it was nothing, maybe you were just as busy as he was. Maybe you had a lot of work to make up for the first three days of the week. But he had been there when you had a hard day and you never sent him on his way. He had a feeling that this was bad. And he didn’t like it one bit. What if you didn’t want to spend time with him anymore? Did he do something that made you change your mind? 

He kept turning in his bed from one position to another. After a day like that, he thought that he would fall asleep as soon as he got into bed, but he couldn’t get you out of his mind. His phone was on his nightstand. Within reach. He contemplated calling you. Then he remembered that it was the middle of the night and he would probably wake you up, you would get angry at him for waking you up and he couldn’t come up with how that scenario would result in a good ending. He thought about sending a text, which he also figured was a bad idea. It was Friday and sending you a text would make it seem that he was getting drunk somewhere and texting you because of the alcohol. Neither of those options would give you the impression that he would like. Somehow, slowly, his eyelids became too heavy and he finally drifted off to sleep. 

When you checked the weather forecast the next morning, you thought about how you were going to spend the day. To be more specific, you were thinking about outdoor ways to spend the day. Most of your week you were stuck inside and you felt more than ready to go out and enjoy some sunlight and fresh air. After a few minutes and consulting with your cat, you decided to go on a hike somewhere outside of New York. 

Quickly you packed a bag with everything you might need. Some snacks, treats for Benjamin, a lot of water, some wet wipes - you never know when you might need those - and some other stuff. When you were satisfied with the contents, you got dressed into some comfortable leggings and t-shirt. You packed a spare t-shirt, in case you got sweaty and a hoodie if it got cold. Lastly, you put on some hiking boots. Only one thing left to do - get Benjamin ready for the adventure. You put the harness and leash on him and topped it off with a treat. 

“Are you ready for adventure, Benji?” You asked in a baby voice. 

“Meow.” 

“Okay, let’s go.” You made sure you had everything, took Benji’s leash, and walked out the door. 

When you stepped outside, you were met with chilly morning air. Taking a deep breath you felt good about your day.

That was until you stood face to face with a certain raven-haired man.

********************

Tags: @1-800-heartbreak @churchb

[remywrites5]

Could you write a Wolfstar with “Why do you care?” or maybe “Is this seat taken”? Or maybe both? 😂🥰

           Sirius knew Moony was upset with him and he wasn’t sure how to make it right. He made his way down to the common room and found Remus sitting on one of the sofas, his nose buried in his Ancient Runes book and very distinctively not looking at anyone but especially not Sirius.

           “Is this seat taken?” Sirius asked, shuffling his feet awkwardly as he stood before Remus. He couldn’t help the little niggling feeling of hope that Remus would let him off the hook.

           “Yes,” Remus said, turning to the side and putting his feet up on the sofa. He gave Sirius one hard stare and then went back to his book as if Sirius wasn’t there at all.

           Sirius let out a discouraged little noise and knelt down beside the sofa, throwing himself at the mercy of his friend. “Please Moony, I’ll do anything.”

           He could see Remus’ jaw tense as he was clearly grinding his teeth together angrily. “Go away, Sirius.”

           Sirius whined loudly and fisted his hand in Remus’ jumper. “Make me,” he challenged, grabbing Remus’ wrist with his other hand.

           Remus immediately wrenched his arm out of Sirius’ grip and glared at him. “You don’t fucking want me to do that, mate.”

           Sirius tightened his grip on Remus’ jumper and tugged on it. He felt desperate and stupid begging for Remus like this but he couldn’t help it. He’d always wanted Remus’ attention. Right from the beginning of their first year he’d been going out of his way to make Remus his friend. Unlike James, Remus never made anything easy for Sirius.

           “I’m sorry, okay?” Sirius said softly. He knew that once Moony started swearing they were all in trouble. An angry, swearing Moony was a Moony about to snap. “I know we had plans for Hogsmeade weekend but something else came up. It’s not like I ditched you, you still had James and Peter to hang out with.”

           “No I didn’t,” Remus hissed at him through his gritted teeth. “We made those plans just the two of us. James was off with Lily and Wormtail was trying to get off with some Ravenclaw sixth year. So I spent the whole time alone like some kind of nob.”

           Sirius blanched at that. “I didn’t know, Moony,” he said contritely. “It’s just Benjy Fenwick admitted he was bent and I finally got a proper snog from someone. You know I can’t stand it when Prongs does things before me. He’s been snogging Evans for months. I had catching up to do.”

           Remus snapped his book shut and got to his feet. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

           “Come on, Moons, just say you forgive me,” Sirius said, still holding onto Remus’ jumper. He was stretching the poor worn fabric out from the space between them. “I said I was sorry.”

           “You say that a lot,” Remus told him icily, batting Sirius’ hand away to free his jumper. “I’m staring to doubt you even know what it means.”

           Remus gathered up his things and went towards their dormitory. Sirius scrambled to his feet after him, feeling a bit hurt by Moony’s harsh words, no matter how much he probably deserved them. It wasn’t his fault that he was such a cock-up and often had a lot to apologize for. He knew Remus was at least partially referring to the whole Snape incident, which was still a sore subject even two years later. Sirius wondered if he would ever really live that one down even though he had technically been forgiven. “Well I’m sorry that we can’t all be as perfect as you,” Sirius shouted as he stomped his way up the steps.

           “I’m not perfect,” Remus said, wheeling around towards Sirius. “But at least I know better than to ditch my friends for some cheap thrill with a guy who doesn’t give a fuck about you!”

           “Why do you care?” Sirius yelled back.

           “I don’t,” Remus said, trying and failing to make his face look neutral. “I don’t.”

           Sirius walked up the last few steps until he was on level with Remus. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his robes and blew his hair out of his face in a huff of breath. “Yeah you do.”

           Remus sighed heavily and stared down at his feet, his shoulders slumping. “Just do what you want, Sirius. You will anyway.” With that he turned around and went slipped through the door leading to their dormitory. Sirius stood on the same step, blinking slowly as he tried to decipher what in Merlin’s saggy pants had just happened. It felt like he and Remus were having two different conversations.

           He walked the rest of the way to the dormitory, dragging his feet a bit, unsure if Remus wanted to be left alone or not. Gathering up all his courage, Sirius pushed open the door and stood in the entryway holding his breath. He listened closely to be able to hear Remus to try and discover his state of mind. All he could hear was a few little hiccoughs coming from Remus’ bed.

           Sirius made his way over slowly and pulled back the curtains around Remus’ bed. Remus sat up quickly and furiously wiped his eyes. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice still having a hard edge to it despite his tears.

           “What are you doing?” Sirius shot back, climbing into Remus’ bed with him. He sat on his heels facing Remus with his arms crossed over his chest. “Why can’t you just be happy for me? I finally found someone at this fucking school who is also into blokes. It’s been years of wanting what everyone else has but I can’t have it because I’m not into girls. I’m so bloody sick of being the only person who feels this way.”

           “You’re not the only one that feels that way,” Remus snapped at him. “Fuck you, Sirius. Maybe if you thought about anyone but yourself for once in your bloody life – “

           “That is so completely unfair!” Sirius said, throwing his hands up above his head. “You have no idea what this feels like –“

           “I’m bloody gay, you massive wanker!” Remus interrupted him with a shout. Both of them fell silent, blinking at each other, their breathing labored from all the yelling and their rising tempers.

           Sirius swallowed hard and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “How come you never told me?” he asked, feeling a little betrayed. Sirius had come out to his friends two years ago. It was a little insulting that Remus hadn’t felt he could do the same.

           “Or well I…I think I might like…both?” Remus said, wincing slightly. “But that’s not quite as easy to shout at someone.”

           Sirius snorted. “I suppose not. But why didn’t you say something?”

           Remus sighed and pulled the covers up over his head, hiding himself beneath them. “Because I’m fucking in love with you, aren’t I,” he said bitterly, his voice slightly muffled under the blanket.

           “Moony?” Sirius called out hesitantly. He chewed on his bottom lip and ignored the way his palms had suddenly gotten all sweaty. “Come on. You either come out from under there or I’ll force my way in with you. You know I will.”

           Remus brought the blanket down and blew his fringe off his forehead. He stared at Sirius almost defiantly as if expecting more of an argument. “Well?” he asked, staring at Sirius expectantly.

           “Was Hogsmeade supposed to be like a date?” Sirius asked, a few pieces suddenly slotting themselves together in his mind.

           Remus glanced away. “I was going to…you know…maybe tell you how I felt. Or that maybe I did… feel something…for you. It’s stupid.”

           “Fuck,” Sirius said, carding his fingers through his hair. “Fuck!”

           “Sirius?”

           “I kissed Benjy Fenwick!”

           Remus scowled at him. “Yes, I’m aware.”

           “And I could have been kissing you!” Sirius was absolutely mortified that his life had gone so completely wrong. “Benjy was my first proper kiss and it should have been you!”

           “Er, well…” Remus blushed a bright red. “I mean I had hoped…”

           “Moony, can I kiss you now?” Sirius asked excitedly, scooting up the bed to be closer to Remus and in kissing distance. “Please?”

           Remus shook his head. “You like someone else. It wouldn’t be fair to Benjy –“

           “Oh hang Benjy,” Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Remus, you were the first crush I ever had back in third year. But after I came out I thought if you liked boys you would have done the same.”

           “I was scared,” Remus said, pulling on a loose thread on his blanket absently. “I thought it might be too much, you know? You guys already put up with the whole werewolf thing and then to be bent on top of that…”

           “That’s stupid,” Sirius said, making a face at Remus. “None of us mind the whole werewolf thing. You make it sound like we just tolerate you and that isn’t true at all. You’re mine Moony, and I don’t care if that just means as a friend or as something more, you belong to me.” Sirius reached out and laced his fingers through Remus’, holding his hand.  He was quickly losing his patience. He’d only been fantasizing about having Moony all to himself for four years. “Now can I kiss you or not?”

           Remus smiled shyly. “I guess that might not be so bad.”

           Sirius crawled forward. “It’s going to be brilliant,” he promised, his heart thrumming wildly in his chest. He pressed his lips softly, tenderly, against Remus’, not wanting to overwhelm him for his first kiss. He hoped he had a bit more finesse than Benjy had. Benjy had been a bit too enthusiastic with his tongue in Sirius’ opinion. If he had known he could have had this instead he would have waited.

           After a moment or two Sirius broke the kiss, licking his lips and blinking his eyes open. “Well?” he asked nervously, his stomach twisting. If Remus said he didn’t like or that he preferred girls Sirius would be devastated.

           “Hmm,” Remus hummed pensively, resting back against his pillows. “I thought you’d be a bit more impressive after all that snogging you did with Benjy.”

           “Is that so?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow challengingly at Remus. He captured Remus’ lips again and kissed him harder – more insistent but still keeping the kiss chaste. He was surprised when Remus licked his way into his mouth and deepened the kiss. Remus tangled his fingers in Sirius’ hair and tugged him down until Sirius was lying on top of him, his elbows bracketing Remus’ head. “Moony?”

           “Yeah Pads?” Remus asked, smiling up at Sirius, his fingers sliding gently through Sirius’ hair over and over. Sirius’ eyelids fluttered at the contact, the motion of it making his inner dog happy at being petted by Remus.

           “Am I forgiven then?” he asked, making his very best puppy dog eyes at Remus.

           Moony chuckled. “I suppose so,” he said, letting his nails scratch over the nape of Sirius’ neck and making him shiver happily. “You’ll have to make it up to me somehow. My love can be bought either with chocolates or potions essays.”

           Sirius snickered at that. “How about both?” he said, kissing Remus again just because he could. “I want you to love me an awful lot, Moony.”

           Remus beamed at him. “I think that sounds like an excellent notion.”

           “Good,” Sirius said, kissing Remus sweetly. “And don’t you start thinking you’re off the hook either. You’ve also got a lot to make up for.”

           “Such as?”

           “All those years I spent pining after you when we could have been together,” Sirius informed him, settling against Remus with his head on his chest.

           “I didn’t know you were pining!” Remus said indignantly. “If I had known you wouldn’t have been pining!”

           “And I didn’t know Hogsmeade was meant to be a date,” Sirius reasoned, listening to Remus’ strong, steady heartbeat in his ear. “But I’m apparently atoning for that!”

           “Fine,” Remus grumbled, kissing the top of Sirius’ head. “How can I make it up to you, Pads?”

           Sirius’s grin grew wicked. “Shag me before Prongs shags Evans.”

           “Sirius!” Remus said with a gasp. “It’s – it’s a bit soon to be talking about that!”

           “Come on, Moony!” Sirius pleaded, glancing up at Remus, who had gone as bright as a tomato. “I’ve got to beat Prongs at something!”

           “I’m not shagging you just so you can gloat at James about it,” Remus said firmly. “I’d want it to mean a bit more than that.”

           Sirius huffed. “Obviously it would, Moony,” he said in exasperation. He lifted his head up and looked at Remus so that Remus would know that he was being sincere. “Because it would be us. That automatically makes it important. Plus, we’ll be each other’s first shag and that’s pretty fucking romantic.”

           “We’ll see how good you are at doing my potions homework and then maybe I’ll shag you,” Remus teased, tugging Sirius up into another kiss, long and lingering and full of promise.

           Sirius laughed quietly, already addicted to this, having Remus willingly kissing him and the easy affection of being close to him. “I’ll have you eating those words by Christmas. After all, how will you keep your hands off me now that I’m your boyfriend who gets you chocolate and does your assignments for you? I’m like the complete package. You’ve never had it so good, Moony!”

           Remus smiled and hugged Sirius tightly. “No,” he said softly, his voice warm and affectionate. “I don’t believe I have.”

[president-zebra]

First Fic Ever

Hi everyone, I just wrote my first fic ever. It’s a flash fic centered around killervibe. Enjoy!

Just for a Little While 

It was a cold winter day towards the end of February, Cisco held his son’s hand as they waited for the train to pull into the station. He heard a small voice begin to speak.

“Papi?” Benji asked.

“Yes, Mijo?” Cisco replied, turning to face the little boy. His son looked down at his sneakers thinking of what to say next.

“Why do you look so sad? I don’t like to see you sad.” Benji responded. Cisco gave a questioning look down at the little boy.

“Because it’s Mommy’s birthday tomorrow,” Cisco said with a grimace. It had been a hard few months since the run-in with the meta-human that put his Caitlin in a coma. The team had been trying their best to give him space and time to grieve, but it had been difficult. Barry brought the twins over every few weeks to play with Benji, but they were older than him by a full 3 years. The Ramon's also had the newborn in the house without her mother. This had been especially hard on Cisco.

But the hardest part was not getting to wake up every day next to his wife. Not being able to kiss her goodnight and make her breakfast in bed when she was sick. Not getting to hold her in his arms when she had a nightmare. Not getting to tell her how much she means to him every single day of his life. But most of all was that he wasn’t able to tell her he loved her. Not with her hearing those three words anyway.

“But Mommy would want you to be happy,” Benji spoke up. Cisco smiled at that as the train pulled in. As the doors opened and people flooded out, Cisco and Benji got on the train and found 2 seats toward the back of the car. Cisco let his son take the window seat as he looked around the train car.

A young woman with short black had held a baby which Cisco could only assume was her son. It reminded him of Caitlin and all that she had missed over the past few months with Maya. An older man sat next to her, he had fallen asleep on her shoulder. As the train pulled into the next stop, the young woman nudged the man’s shoulder.

“Dad, it’s time to go home.” She said as she began to stand up, balancing the baby on her hip. He woke up and they left the car.

Cisco turned back to Benji, as Benji watched the people go by and eventually fade to black. Benji looked at him with a look of wonder in his eyes. It was moments like this that made Cisco even more determined to figure out a way for Caitlin to wake up. His children needed their mother.

“Benji, you know Mommy’s gonna be ok, right?” Cisco asked. Benji looked at the map of the City on the wall and nodded.

“K” Benji replied. Cisco sighed. He didn't know how to explain what happened to a four-year-old. He told him back in November that Mommy would have to rest for a while. Now, three months later and Cisco didn't know what to think. He didn't know how to tell his little boy that his Mom might never come home.

The door dinged and the train came to a stop. Cisco tugged lightly on Benji’s hand and guided him to the sliding doors. They opened and Cisco led his son to the escalator to get back to the street level.

It was a two-block stroll to STAR and it was almost 5:00 pm. Sofia, his 23-year-old cousin, would call if something was wrong with the baby. So he made the decision to keep walking. He grasped Benji’s hand tight as they began to walk. As they got closer, Cisco noticed that there were no cars or vans in the parking lot, Barry and Iris must've gone home already, along with Ralph and Sue who had to get home to Morgan, their 1 year. old.

Cisco swiped his key card and opened the door for Benji, who all but ran toward the cortex. Cisco walked at his own pace, trusting that his son knew where he was going. When he entered the cortex he expected to find nobody there. Instead, he saw Barry at one of the monitors and Benji tugging on his pant leg.

“Uncle Barry, where's Mommy?” Benji whined. Barry looked up at Cisco as he came into view.

“Where she always is, kiddo,” Barry said solemnly. Benji ran into the med bay and the cortex was silent again. “What are you guys doing here?” Barry questioned

“Well tomorrow is her birthday and I wanted to see her before we left.” Cisco retorted. Barry frowned at that.

“Are you serious about this, are you sure you want to take the kids to your parents' house right now? You saw the spike in brain activity yesterday.” Barry pleaded. Cisco looked away and felt tears start to break the surface.

“I know, but it's only for a few days and I don't think much will change while we're gone. Also, my Abuelita still hasn't met the baby yet and she would have my head if she didn't.” Cisco replied, which had Barry shaking his head.

“Cisco you know that's not why. We all know you don't think she'll ever wake up.” Barry said, his voice beginning to grow in volume.

“Because she might not!” Cisco raised his voice at what Barry had just insinuated. “You were in a coma for 9 months, some people are in them for years. It’s only been 3 damn months but it's felt like a lifetime. I can't do it anymore. She means too much to me to not be a constant in my life!” He practically yelled through tear-filled eyes. Barry came up to him and put his hands on his shoulder.

“Everything is going to be okay.” He whispered.

“How do you know that? She might never wake up and Maya barely met her before she…” Cisco hesitated.

“I know because you're Cisco and she’s Caitlin and that will never change.” He said at a normal volume.

“Just like how your Barry and she's Iris, that love is constant,” Cisco said with a watery smile.

“Papi! Come quick, something's wrong with Mommy!” They turned toward the med bay. Cisco bolted through the door to see what was happening. Benji was clasped around Caitlin’s. “I felt a squeeze, Papi.” He said jumping up and down.

Cisco bent down to be eye level with Benji. “Mijo, look at me. What you felt was a part of your imagination. Mommy isn't better yet, she couldn't have done that. As much as I want to believe it's just not true.”

“But I felt it right here!” Benji whined as he pointed to his hand that was in Caitlin’s Palm. “Mommy squeezed my hand. She did it! Uncle Barry, I felt it right here!” Benji almost yelled.

Barry and Cisco shared a look of concern. Cisco stood back up and walked toward the screen showing Caitlin's vitals. Her heart rate was elevated.

“Cait, sweetie, can you hear me?” Cisco asked looking down at his wife. He didn't see any movement except a slight twitch of her left hand.

“See? I felt it again!” Benji said jumping up and down. Cisco looked up at Barry who was nodding with a smile.

“It's a good start, maybe we can try again tomorrow?” Barry asked. Cisco shook his head.

“Can you take Benji home and ask Sofia to watch them for a few more hours? I want to stay here a little longer, just in case.” Cisco said. Barry nodded and grasped Benji’s hand in his own, led him out of the room, and shut the door behind them.

Cisco pulled up a chair next to Caitlin's bed and grasped her hand.

“I don't know if you can hear me Cait, but the kids and I miss you so much and I want to let you know that te quiero y los niños te quieren. The team misses you too and Iris and Sue miss having girl’s night out. I miss you so much and I miss hearing your voice. I miss your embrace and your lips on mine. And I miss your jokes and especially your laugh. I miss those beautiful chestnut eyes and I miss kissing your hair. I miss our late-night rendezvous once the kids are asleep. I miss your smile. I miss Frost and I miss crime-fighting with you. I miss my wife, mi amor.” Cisco was on the brink of the second set of tears, and he felt a series of squeezes to his right hand.

He looked down at his comatose wife and what he saw next made his heart stop.

Her eyes began to flutter and his breath hitched. Caitlin's eyes flew open and she began to hyperventilate. The heart rate monitor picked up speed as Cisco got up to take the ventilator off of her mouth.

“Where am I?” Caitlin said in a raspy voice. She began to look around the medbay for clarity until her eyes landed on him.

Not amnesia! Cisco thought in a panic as he tried to calm her down.

“Calm down. It's me, Cisco. And you're Caitlin, Dr. Snow! You're at Star Labs.” She looked around once more before looking back at Cisco.

“How long was I out?” She wondered.

“3 months and change, in a coma. Tomorrow is your 38th birthday. You have a 5-month-old little girl and a 4-year-old little boy at home. But you're also my wife.” He responded. She stared at him, and he thought for sure, amnesia.

“Oh Cisco, I'm so sorry.” She began to cry.

“Why are you sorry? You're the one who was in a coma.” He said playfully. Her eyes were becoming wetter and he couldn't stop the cascade of tears.

“But didn't I scare you?” She whimpered. He chuckled slightly before bringing his thumb to her cheek to wipe away her tears.

“Of course you did. But, mi cariña, you don't have to be sorry.” He stated softly. She smiled and leaned forward as best she could and placed a soft kiss to his lips.

“I missed you, even though I don't remember much from the last three months.” She replied sweetly. He nodded and leaned in again for a second kiss.

“I missed you, too.” He said before placing a third to her forehead. She smiled and curled into his embrace.

“I love you, Cisco.” She whispered.

“Y te quiero también, mi vida.”

FIN

[dailydianakko]

Undying Au-Fuck

help.

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. (Da night before Diana and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Holbrooke chased Pool away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Diana had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. “WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to Lotte Gothic Night’fall 666 and Barbara. L’Ote Gothic Nightfall 666 was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Barbara was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Diana came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The girls joined in cause they were bi. “Those guys are so fucking hot.” Andrew was saying as suddenly a gothic old woman with a black beard and everything came. She was the same one who had chassed away Paul yesterday. She had normal tan skin but she was wearing white foundation and she had died her hare black. “……………….HOOLBROOKE?1!” we all gasped. “WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought she was just wearing that to scare Paul!” “Hello everyone.” she said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?” Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1. “BTW you can call me Miranda.” SHE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. “What a fucking poser!” Duana shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see her crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet she’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Su’cY shouted. I was so fucking angry. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day we sat angerly finking about Helbrooke. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Diana was being all secretive. I asked what it was and she got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve lesbian gurlz r so hot). “No one fucking understands me!1” she shouted angrily as her green and blonde hare went in her big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. Shee was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) “Accuse me? What about me!” I growled. “Buy-but-but-” she grunted. “You fucking bastard!” I moaned. “No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” she shouted. But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Diana banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (VALK that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. Suddenly Avery came. she had appearated. “You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da red team’s room?” Only it wasn’t just Avery. Someone else was with her too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Andrew or maybe Diana but it was HObrooke. “Hey I need to ask you a question.” she said, pulling out her black wanabe-goffik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?” “U no who MCR r!” I gasped. “No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” She said. “Anyway Diana has a surprise for u.” XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since POOL had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Diana so we could do it again. “Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Picies! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Holbrooke had told us all 2 be careful around het and Nelson since she was a pedo. “No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.”s he growld angrily. “Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally. “Fuker.” She said, gong away. Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Pieces and Nelson were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Finnelan was watching!1 “Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Finnelan ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing the sheep of wuter) but both of them were fuking preps. “WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) “Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Pisces shouted angrily. “Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed. “You dimwit!.” Nelson began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. “Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?” “It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my girlfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to holbeook. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Paul, looking extremely fucking hot. “WTF where’d Diana?” I asked him. “Oh she’s bein a fucking bastard. She told me she wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking her hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?” Then….. she showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. She said her rummate constanze had given it 2 her. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘AAKEW’ on it. ……….I gasped. We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band. I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Diana, cryin in a corner. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Later we all went in the skull. Diana was crying in da common room. “Duana are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice. “No I’m not u fuking bitch!”s he shouted angrily. She stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid she would commit suicide. “Its ok Akki.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make her feel better.” “U mean you’ll go fuck her wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Diana. Vampire came too. “Diana please come!” she began to cry. Tears of blood came down her pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive lesbun gurlz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out her blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Meenotar there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. “WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw a rat come. It went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. “IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Menotaur. “No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Vampire said under her breast in a disgusted way. “EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard the rat meow. “RAT is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. The Rat nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! She did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Mentouar was taking of da cloak!1 “WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Duana crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting her rists outside of da school. “Diana!” I cried. “R u okay?” “I guess though.” Diana weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Diana and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fafnir and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped. Standing in front of me where………………. B;loody Lotta Nighdfall 666, Vampire, Diabolo, Diana, Dracula and Barbara! I opened my crimson eyes. Barbara was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Diana was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. She looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B’loody Lotte Nightf’all 666 was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Avery) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Hannah and Wangari. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Hannahs and Wangaru’s dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. “OMFG” I yielded as I jumped up. “Why the fuck are u all here?” “Akki something is really fucked up.” Duana said. “OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first.” I shouted angrily. “It’s all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful.” Diana said in a sexy voice. “Oh all right.” I said smiling. “But you have to tell me why your being all erective.” “I will I will.” she said. So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Lucbh room and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Chole from Purple Teeam was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Holbreooke. FAFNIE was there shouting at Hobroooke. Finnelam was there too. “THIS CANNOT BE!” she shouted angrily. “THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!” “PAUL IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” yelled Fafrnir. “YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!” yelled Finnelan. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR PAUL WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!” “Very well.” Holbrooke said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Paul and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Akko Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.” Diana, Hannah, Barbara, Darkness, S’ucky, Vampire and B’loody Lotte Nightfall 666 looked at each other………I gasped.