#it basically delets the safest place around

[yellowcry]

Also while I'm on it. I can never explain how important telegram for me as for someone living under annexation. Because it's contigent is hugely made or russians and coutries that surround it. So a good portion of Crimean people is sitting here too. And it's far easier to find any info in places dedicated to Crimea. And there's also not really any special media platform that isn't curated by rusian government. (At least not as I heard of). So for the most part it is the only way Pro-Ukrainian ppl under annexation can share/see info without a major risk

[bonny-kookoo]

Remedy | JJK x Reader | 💜☁️🔞🤖

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Android!AU, Android!Jungkook, AI!Jungkook

Warnings: mentions of war, PTSD, Panic attack, confused!Koo, soft reader, like my god I just wanna put her in my pocket and keep her safe, aka that’s what Koo wants to do, protective!Koo, praise kink, unprotected sex but izz fine Kookoo can’t knock her up anyways, soft sex, it’s very soft ngl, there’s a bird, some sad Koo, kook cries here and there, comfort and rehabilitation

Summary: JJK, Or J-Jungkook097 was a tactical fighter-type Android, used in modern war as a simple weapon and nothing more. Now retired after serious injuries, he has to adjust to modern life outside the war zone or he’ll get scrapped; and that’s where you come in, a rare human being ready to take on that challenge.

"Ah, what a waste, really." A worker says, looking the body of the Android over. "You sure you don't want him?" He asks, and the older worker shakes his head.

"I can't let him around my kids by himself, and I don't want him to snap around my wife either. He's not suited for my home and family." He says, looking the male robot over, before he pulls out his phone. "I think I know someone who just might take him." He says, hurriedly texting, before he gets a call back.

"Huh. Is he factory reset, or still running?" You ask, as Seokjin connects cords to the back of the android's neck.

"We tried to have him reset himself, but there's been problems." He explains. "He told us he did already, but that can't be true since he'd need a command to do it- his model isn't equipped with those AI options. Maybe his memory overloaded and deleted stuff as a survival protocol, we don't know. He's a military model, after all, they didn't let us see his original save data- they just downloaded it and went their way, leaving him for us to dismantle if he couldn't reset him properly for a new system." He says, as you type in some stuff, before viewing the screen you hold in your hand.

"So he's technically still running on his original warzone-system?" You ask Jin, and he nods, sighing. You furrow your brows, and the older male looks over at your tablet to see what you're looking at. "Are you sure? This is.. his AI settings are all set to.. look at this; companionable, friendly, all his settings are set to a companion-android, not a fighter type." You mumble, confused by this.

"Wait no no no that wasn't like that when I last looked at him." Jin says, taking the tablet from you as he types in some stuff. "Huh. This is weird." He says, showing you something. "Look at the protocol."

You do. "Huh." You say, looking at the last line of code.

Last change made by: JJK_OSADMIN

"He changed his own system." You say, and Jin is standing up now.

"I'm taking him with me, I can't let him-" He starts, but you do as well, placing your hands ontop of the Androids chest as if you're guarding him.

"NO! I already signed, I own him- Jin, I have to look into this- and he's set to friendly, he won't get hostile that easily." You try to reassure him, and he sighs after a while, taking his jacket from the chair close by.

"Keep me updated." He says, as he leaves you be.

The Android still sitting limply on your chair.

"Alright JJK. Time to wake up." You say, closing the small panel before you sit in front of him, waiting for his system to run the commands you had typed in before unplugging him. It takes a moment, but there's movement after that; his body slowly starting to sit properly, muscles moving into place, and system running it's diagnostics to detect any change in hard- or software made. It marks down his eyes, the small patches of skin re-made, and that his body-liquids had been replaced.

He feels good.

His eyes open slowly, iris moving and focusing in Various degrees before they meet your form. "Hello." He simply says. "Are you my new owner?" He asks, and you nod, expecting that question. He's not been factory reset, which means even though his memory was scattered, and his system had been changed, he was still aware of everything vital. He nods, before he looks around. "I'm now supposed to run on the companion protocol, correct?" He asks, and you shrug. He's confused, as you suddenly smile at him.

"I don't know." You tell him. "Companion, Individual- what would you like?" You ask, knowing it will bring his current system to it's limits. He's not made to make decisions like that, and you think it's quite endearing to see him suddenly think like that.

"I.. choose?" He mumbles, before he looks at you seriously. "I'd like to be given a small time frame to properly research before I come to a conclusion." He says, and your eyes widen.

You look at him, still friendly as ever. "So, you want to figure out what you want first?" You ask, and he nods, a bit hesitantly. "Okay. Just tell me when you've made up your mind then." You say, and he nods.

"What are my daily tasks?" He asks, and you shrug again. "This is frustrating." He says, and you laugh at that.

It's weird to hear it. But he notes it down as a positive response from you.

"Just don't burn the house down while trying to cook or something." You joke, and he seems to take it seriously.

"Why would I set your home aflame while attempting to cook? I'm not even capable of either task.." He says, and you get up, grinning.

"Don't worry so much. Just properly charge for now- we'll see what's gonna happen as it happens." You say.

He nods.

Jungkook knows that around 75% of fatal accidents occur in a mere household. He also knows, that a regular home is the safest place to live. Yet there he was, on the floor, holding his ears as an attempt to block out the sound of his nightmares. "Jungkook?" You ask, as you turn off the microwave. He's still shaking as you sit down in front of him, close- but not touching, unknowing if he would react to that negatively or not. "Can you hear me?" You ask, and he hesitantly retracts his hands from his ears, letting the sound in again. The beeping of the microwave is now gone, only the soft ticking of your clock on the wall and the buzzing of your fridge remain. "I'm sorry that scared you." You say, smiling apologetically as he shakes his head, face serious. His eyes move frantically as they glow an orange hue, showing his system status.

"No, I should apologize." He says. "I don't know why I displayed this reaction to a mere household object." He admits, and you open the microwave to take out your meal, before sitting down on the kitchen floor. "You shouldn't do that- the tiles are very cold-" He starts, but you wave him off.

"Its fine. Both." You say. "You're probably still confusing some sounds and things with your past use as a warzone model. So it's normal- your system has to adapt. You have to adapt." You say. "We all need some time to heal after what you've been through." You say.

He sits quietly after those words, watching you as he goes through his research on you. You're a very unusual individual, displaying a lot of behaviors he hasn't seen before. You take care of everything with a sense of care that makes him come to the conclusion that you're probably treating the machines and robots like living beings. Such as the oldschool robot-dog that he's seen under your living room table. It's currently charging, but he's seen you interact with it- genuinely displaying happiness and excitement at the very basic AI of the pet-robot that's missing a leg.

Its broken, just like him. But you're taking care of it, just like you take care of him.

You're very caring with him, too. He's seen you search for skin patches that match his color almost perfectly, even though they were more expensive than the usual models found in stores. You apologize for 'hurting' him, even though it's sometimes nescessary to repair him. You ask him about opinions, and let him roam around freely around the house.

You're a very friendly person.

And he, unknown to you, starts to create new files inside his system.

You're not there when he wakes up the next day.

He scans the house for any movement, but there is none that would lead him to the conclusion that you're there. There's no sign of you, and he becomes frantic, suddenly.

If his system would've worked properly like it should have, he would've remembered that you had told him yesterday that you would make a small trip to the local grocery store around the corner. But his system isn't working properly, already displaying several scenarios of you getting hurt, or vanishing, or leaving him alone.

He’d seen it before, so many times, hell; he’d been the reason of so many deaths in the first place and it never bothered him. So why was his internal system going absolute haywire at the mere idea of something happening to you? It was to be expected really- with how fragile you are, mentally and physically, it was bound to happen at some point. So why, if he knew it deep down already, did it make his pulse race and his skin feel weird?

You’d told him to stay home, but there was no way he’d be able to let you out of his sight. Because no, there were no emotions involved; they’d been restricted for him at the beginning after all, he was simply looking out for you. Probably a bug, maybe his system thought you were someone to be protected, a new mission to keep him occupied, that was probably it. It wasn’t because you had been so sweet with him, it wasn’t because of how gently you were in correcting him whenever he did something bad, it wasn’t because you were an absolute divine being in his eyes.

“Kook?” You said, an almost painful huff of breath escaping you when he crashed into you, holding you, his arms squeezing you a bit and his face burying itself into the crook of your neck, every sense drinking you in, saving the proof that you were okay, you were real, you were completely fine. “I-“ you started, and his eyes ripped open, suddenly realizing that he may be hurting you. As if burned he reacted, hands hovering over your shoulders as he looked you over.

“I apologize, I’m so sorry, does it hurt bad-“ he spoke hurriedly, eyes already glazing over with tears he didn’t even knew he could shed. Why did he suddenly feel so upset? His entire system was overloading, tears finally flowing and disrupting his sight so badly that he didn’t see your face anymore; sending him into panic even more. “I’m sorry- I’m-“ he pressed out, but there was nothing working anymore it seemed.

Only a few minutes later did he slowly come back to his senses, first thing he noticed being the way you held his body close, softly speaking to him while you were petting his head. It was such a weird sensation, yet it somehow soothed his mind back, as he realized that you were both on the ground. He was way too heavy, why were you doing that? But when he tried to get up, you held him tightly. “Take a Moment, Jungkook. You’re okay, I’m okay, just a breathe, yeah?” You said, and he nodded. “Let’s go back inside then yeah?” You softly said, and he nodded.

“But you need to buy groceries. We don’t have sufficient stock of-“ he started, but you giggled, the sound something he knew he liked. He didn’t quite know what to think of his newly found preferences for things, but he simply let it happen for now.

Because liking you could never be a mistake, he decided.

He calls out for you one day, his hands holding something you can't see yet. His eyes are wide open, his optics moving around frantically as he calls again. "Creator, please!" He calls, as you finally spot him, walking over as he looks at you with a worried expression. "Please- I don't know what to do. She flew against our window and probably has a concussion- you can help her, right?" He says, and you don't get curious as to why he immediately knows the birds gender and diagnosis; he can scan the tiny body, after all.

"Ah, come into the kitchen." You say, and he follows quickly, still delicately holding the tiny body in his palm, careful not to drop it. "Lets put her in a box and a nice quiet place, yeah? She'll recover on her own probably." You reassure him as he watches you place her in an old box without a lid. "Put her where you found her, okay? That way she'll know her way back easier." You tell him, and he nods, determined, as he walks back towards where he had found the bird.

Jungkook, in a way, was slowly changing nowadays.

He was a curious being, always eager to learn about the most mundane things. True to his purpose he picked up on things very easily; learning how to draw and paint very quickly. He had recently gotten interested in a video game you used to play before your work took over your time- and you loved seeing him have genuine fun with it.

He wasn't doing things anymore because they were asked of him. Or because they were an order.

He was developing hobbies, you'd noticed.

Of course you kept Jin updated about all of these things, and he had been happy to learn that his reboot was going well- joking around that he was glad he hadn't killed you in your sleep yet. And while, at first, you were quite wary of him walking around the apartment, nowadays, you couldn't imagine Jungkook even hurting a fly.

Just like with that tiny bird.

He was a gentle soul, simply a bit clumsy sometimes- apologizing over and over after breaking your alarm clock once, the alarm setting off another one of his 'episodes'- moments of flashbacks he got from his past purpose in war. You had reassured him and had let him watch as you fixed it again, praising him along when he gave you the right tools.

Praise. That was something he seeked as well.

And it wasn't just that he wanted aknowledgement of his own achievements. It was more your attention that he wanted. He wanted to be around you whenever possible, even sometimes dancing around the topic of maybe sharing a bed one day- but he had also been wary of hurting you in your sleep, by rolling over or something alike.

Always so thoughtful.

But he would be able to hold you that day; when you had complained about being tired, he had suggested a nap to you. Instantly taking on that chance, you laid down, rolling over as he was still on the couch with you, already having laid down prior. He was unsure at first where to put his hands, until he decided to just go for the common human way of affection; holding you close.

And he made a note inside his system, that he truly deeply enjoyed the feeling.

He finds you on the couch, crying, after an argument on the phone. That in itself isn't the issue he's having, however- it's the sudden wave of protectiveness rolling over him, drowning his senses as he walks over to you, his orange glowing eyes now scanning your form. "What did he do?" He asks, knowing that it was a former partner of yours, constantly calling you asking for money. It's a bad habit of yours that you can't seem to say no; and now that you did for once, he had bitten your ear off with bad remarks and names you'd rather not repeat. "I'll hurt him, just say the word. He needs to feel the same pain you do-" He's shaking a little, you can see it now; his hands unsure where to place themselves, his eyes watching over you, his breathing a little faster. He starts again, and you put a hand on his shoulder to stop his words.

“Jungkook no, he didn’t hurt me in like, a physical way.” You tried to explain, tears now forgotten as you try to calm the Android on your couch down- still absolutely terrified by your state. “I’m gonna be fine.” You say, but he doesn’t seem convinced. Or is it something else?

“But why am I hurting?” He asks suddenly, and your eyes widen. Well, why was he? Technically he was capable of understanding emotions, that wasn’t shocking. What was confusing to you however was just how he was able to share your pain. And it was obvious he did; the way his eyes glistened and his body shivered, overwhelmed by whatever was happening. “Why does it hurt to see you hurt?” He almost whispers, lost with the situation.

Jungkook was indeed a very weird android- you’ve noticed that long ago already. He was emotional, sometimes moody, and slowly began to develop an actual personality the more he was living with you.

Something his model shouldn’t be capable of.

And maybe that should scare you- maybe that should worry you, maybe you should call up support for answers, but you don’t. You do what’s best for yourself and what you think is best for him in that moment; you lean forward, and wrap your arms around him. And it doesn’t feel at all like an android you’re hugging in that moment, because an android wouldn’t cry with you. An android wouldn’t hold you like this, wouldn’t tremble in your hold like this. It makes it easy to forget that Jungkook isn’t human.

And that in itself is absolutely dangerous.

Somehow, his system had bypassed the blockade to his emotional capacities.

He had noticed it ever since you had been out to restock groceries by yourself, but he had been a little unsure back then. He now knows, for sure, that something had happened.

It was confusing, to say the least.

So many things were somehow suddenly starting to fall into place for him; his favoritism to being close to you, or his system failing whenever you weren't nearby. It also makes sense that he's standing right in front of your bedroom door that night, knocking as you open it. He feels a weird sense of protectiveness seeing you tired and vulnerable like that, and he sits down on the side of the bed where you join him. "Is everything okay?" You ask, and he shakes his head.

Nothing is okay, everything is confusing, and he's unsure what to quite think of all of this. "I feel.. confused. Scared. There's.. fear, in me, boiling up and interrupting my thoughts." He explains, and you nod.

"Feeling is scary, huh?" You ask, as he looks at you.

"How do you do it?" He asks, and you lean your head a bit to the side in question. "There's.. so much of it. How do you.. separate it, keep it in order? Its all over the place, and it's.. so distracting. Its so overwhelming- I can't seem to calm down." He mumbles, serious face turning frustrated as his fingers play with the fabric of his pants.

"We don't." You say. He looks at you for a moment, before you continue. "We just.. let it run through us, I guess. If you don't, it'll make you sick after a while. " You say, and he looks at you.

"But.." He starts. "I fear I might start to display reactions a male android model isn't supposed to openly display." He almost whispers.

"You don't have to openly do it." You reassure him, placing a hand on his shoulder, before moving a bit, body facing him as you open your arms. "It's just me; and I won't judge. You can be whoever you want with me, Jungkook." You say, and he lays down next to you in your arms, momentarily enjoying the quietness and closeness of the affectionate gesture.

"There are no bad feelings, Jungkook." You tell him, and he listens, as he lets them run through him, just like you told him. The sadness, the comfort of your body against his, the.. adoration he feels towards you. Everything, even though it hurts him, physically, something he only ever thought was a artistic way of describing emotions. "There are only wrong actions." You say. "If you feel the need to cry, cry. If you're angry, scream, shout, or find something to channel that into. But if you bottle it up-" You say, "they will lead to mistakes. They will bring pain, and they will bring remorse."

His voice is strained as he talks. "But how do I know when to act on them, and when not to?" He says, and you chuckle.

"You'll learn, Jungkook." You reassure him. "You'll learn."

And he nods against your shoulder, before you can feel him shake a little less, quiet sobs racking through his body until his exhausted body falls asleep to charge.

"Remarkable." Jin comments, as he watches the lines and lines of codes. "He has started to self-code his own system. He's quite literally learning." He says. "All by himself. This is amazing." He says, before he disconnects Jungkook.

"He's still a bit jumpy sometimes, and the microwave is still his worst enemy-" You say, as Jungkook reboots again, eyes slowly focusing as they start to glow again. "But he really is amazing." You say, and Jungkook beams at that, proudly smiling.

It's rare for an android to display such emotions, and he's still often very much void of any clear visual feedback in terms of facial expressions- but he's learning, and he's evolving, growing, in a way. Seokjin closes the panel on the back of Jungkooks neck, as the android stands up to walk closer to you. "Jungkook." Jin says, and the android turns towards the young man. "Do you look after her well?" He asks, and Jungkook nods. "Make sure she stays hydrated during the day, yeah? I highly doubt she's told you she struggles with that." He says, and you whine, as Jungkooks head whips around, eyes scanning your body as he furrows his brows.

"Creator, you need to drink at least 2.5 Liters of water per day. It's vital for your health, which is already very delicate." He says, and you glare at Jin for telling him anything about that.

"I'm fine- and also, please don't call me creator. I'm not anything like that." You say, picking up the walking puppy-robot as Jungkook nods.

"What should I call you then?" He asks, and Jin perks up.

"Call her baby!"

"Jin NO-!"

"No matter what she tells you-" Jin says, holding Jungkooks shoulders as he looks at him seriously. "She likes it." He says, and Jungkook, serious as ever, nods, noting it down, as you groan.

"I hate you both!" You say, and Jungkooks eyes widen.

"You.." He says, voice almost not heard over the laugh of Jin. "Hate me?" He asks, and you immediately regret your words. Jungkook still hasn't figured out sarcasm yet- the entire concept still a little too complicated for his system to grasp, so you walk closer to him, holding his cheeks in your hands.

"No no no, I don't, I could never-" You promise him, as he nods with already glossy eyes. "I just said it as a joke, okay?" You say, and he nods again, biting his lip a little before Jin clears his throat.

"I'll head off now." He says, already putting on his coat. "Thank you for letting me see him- it's really amazing to see him grow like that." He says, and you nod, giving him a short hug before he leaves.

And for some reason, Jungkook feels jealous, watching you so close to him.

Jungkook is in love with you.

He's come to that conclusion all by himself, and he's proud of it, but he's also very unsure about it. He has done a lot of research, scanned every source he could find and validate; and he has found a new interest in activities humans do in relationships to show their partner love and affection. He's not stupid, he knows what intimacy is, and is also aware that he's capable of doing these things with you; but he's also a little unsure, if you'd want that.

After all, there's nothing he could give you.

So one night, he stands in front of your door again, knocking, as you open it.

"Do you think.." He starts. "I'm capable of love?" He asks, and you look at him. "Because I think.. no, I am very sure I love you." He admits, and you get up, but there's no stopping him. "I don't know what it's like for you, but I have observed my newfound emotions, and there's a pattern I've detected; whenever I'm with you, around you, whenever you give me attention, or when you touch me, theres always the same emotions involved; there's this need to take care of you, to keep you safe, to be close." He rambles, and you listen to him as he talks, walking closer to you as his hands find your shoulders. "There's this.. urge, to partake in human intimacy with you. I want to.. show affection the common way, like kissing you, or holding you, things like that." Your cheeks grow a little red. "But I don't know if you are experiencing the same things. My research shows that.. that we could only do these things, if it's the same for you." He says, and then, almost as if hes whispering. "Is it?" He asks, and you struggle to answer. "Do you.. feel the same.?" He asks again, waiting for you to say anything at all.

You stay silent.

Its a sunday when a letter arrives at your home.

When you open it, there's several papers inside; Jungkooks personality tests, official papers that make it possible for him to leave on his own. When he reads them, he's serious, as he watches you smile at him.

"Jungkook, this is great, isn't it?" You say, trying hard to not let it show that you dread letting go of him. "You can finally get an apartment- maybe make something out of your talents, and earn a living. You're free to go now." You say, biting the inside of your cheek as he looks at you with wide eyes.

"But.." He starts, softly. "I'm yours." He states, and you shake your head, swallowing hard.

"Jungkook no.. you're you. No one owns you anymore." You say, and he suddenly shakes his head, throwing the papers in the kitchen sink as he walks towards you, his hands on your shoulders.

He looks at you, serious, as his optics focus on you. "You were the one who told me that every machine should be treated with respect." He states, as you look away from him, his hands shaking you a little as he tries to get your attention back on him. "You said even we androids have souls." He says.

"I did, but-" You start, but he cuts you off.

"And if we do, if we really do-" He speaks, his hands now holding your head, his face drenched in desperation. "Than it belongs to you." He states, and your eyes widen. "It's yours." He repeats. "If having it for myself means I have to leave you, I don't want it."

"I don't.. want to take advantage of you, Jungkook." You say. "You're.. everything is still new to you, I don't want you to regret this-" You start, and he leans down.

"I won't. I've run every possible scan I could, calculated every possible outcome, you know I can't lie to you. I could never regret this.." He says, as he leans down a little. "Can I..?" He asks, and you smile, jumping over your own shadow in a way, as you give him a nod. "I.. can you.. say it?" He asks. "Just once?"

You take his hands in yours, as you lean closer. "I love you, Jungkook." You say, and he gasps, his systems going absolute haywire in the best ways possible. He's again filled with emotions, but this time, they don't hurt; they make him feel light, as if he weighs nothing, they make him close his eyes because suddenly even the slightest light is too bright for his optics.

"Again." He asks, and you comply.

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you."

He sighs, as his lips finally meet yours.

There's no magical fireworks or anything like that- but Jungkook decides that he doesn't need these things. The feeling itself, the emotions flooding his body are enough to outshine any beauty of reality itself. There's nothing he could ever compare to this, he decides.

He's unsure if Androids have instincts, but in that moment, for the first time, he doesn't care. This seems to be one of those situations to let his emotions run through him, lead him, show him what to do, he decides. His hands roam over your skin, ears catching every sound you make as he moves on autopilot it seems. He's letting go, he's finally doing something he really wants.

And it's all thanks to you- you've given him the chance to be himself.

You've given him the gift of feeling loved, as he finally comes as close to you as lovers ever could; entering you carefully, senses on high alert as he feels your walls around his length. He had been unsure of why pleasure seemed to be described as fun and intimate, but now he can relate to these claims fully. He's so full of love, so overwhelmed, that he simply rests his forehead on your naked shoulder, eyes closed as he simply lets himself feel. He doesn't care about his whines and groans, only focusing on you and your body, on the feedback every muscle sends to his systems, enjoying the way you make him feel.

Its truly magical, he notices.

He doesn't even notice his nor your orgasm at all, but it doesn't matter.

Because at the end of the night, he finally holds you close. Not like before, but this time, as lovers.

"I've given her exactly 0.26 milliliters of a 1 to 1 water and fruit sugar mixture every day at appropriate times." Jungkook seriously tells the vet, as he looks at the bird on the metal table.

"I see. Good job." He praises, before looking at you. "A warzone-type?" He asks, and you nod. "Barely noticable. I have one too, that's how I knew." He comments, before he turns to Jungkook again. "I'd say the bird simply likes your company, Jungkook. She just want's to stay with you That's why she comes back." He explains.

"Like me and Baby?" He asks, and you giggle at the nickname Jungkook keeps using.

"Yes, like you and her." Namjoon says, utterly entertained by you and Jungkook. "So I'd say let her be around. She's perfectly healthy, otherwise." He says, and Jungkook turns around, box in hand, as he smiles.

It's quiet that evening, sun slowly setting and drenching the walls of your shared apartment in a golden glow. Jungkook watches your sleeping form, leaned against him on the couch, as he simply remembers all of the things he's experienced because of you.

He truly is a machine capable of love.

Because you taught him how.

[shyrose57]

YOO BROTHERS ANON BACK FROM THE DEAD? My phone started to fucking die half way (like extreme lag, keyboard stopped working at times, sudden shut offs, etc) and I was too scared to work on this in fear it'd get deleted. But im fucking back and have a new phone so I was able to finally finish. Plus after I finished the Brothers AU stuff I decided I hated Tip of The Iceburg AU lore and wanted to redo it so held off til I got that mostly done. I'm also trying to redo From Future to Past a lil bit but thats going slowly and decided I already waited way to long. Some other stuff happened as well like falling out of the fandom (Breath of The Wild and Linked Universe I got into and am actually still kinda in) then getting tossed back in but, anyway there's some smaller details I left out of Rans time living in the wild but everything here is the big stuff. 

Keep in mind most of this happens when he's just 13. And he never acknowledges or treats his trauma, leaving it to build and affect him more and more over time. 

When Ran first steps out of Mizu and into the world, he has nothing but a sword at his back and a book with little information on how to survive at his hip. The book really only provides him how to make certain things (like tools) and some basic information (Spiders are passive in daytime, how to farm, and basic information about each nether biome). The book acts more like a brief overview of the overworld and little information on how to survive than an actual survival book. Because of this the book is basically useless, Ran eventually uses it as a way of marking down notes and ripping out papers to cover wounds and tie things. He quickly learns that sleeping in high places (like a tree or a hole in a mountain) is the safest possible place to sleep, as no mobs or people can get him. Though due to the nights of constant screaming from mobs, his own internal fighting, and eventual hunting, he develops insomnia and paranoia. Leaving him unable to close his eyes in fear of being ambushed, believing himself to be forever unsafe and in danger. When he does manage to sleep he keeps his weapons nearby (like in his hand or under his pillow) and jumps awake at the slightest sound. 

He moves around constantly, never staying in one place for more than 2 weeks. He eventually finds a snow biome and after seeing the little amount of mobs and knowing the snow is to deep for any sane human to try to travel through, he decides to stay there for a entire year and a half before moving again. During this time he grows both physically and mentally. He goes from being a small, lithe 5'5 13 year old to being a strong 6'7 15 year old. He also uses this time to come to terms with what happened and swear revenge against Ranbob for everything he's been through and everyone who's died. Even when Ran came to terms with what his brother did, the promise "Ill never abandon you." Continues to ring in his head, which does nothing but fuel his hatred, believing his brother has been lying to him ever since he was a child. While also growing his knowledge on the world and his survival knowledge, becoming an almost perfect survivalist. 

When he was first alone and dealing with all the emotions brought upon him, he finds out he's hunted very suddenly. He first approached Raq (who he didn't know at the time) when he was desperate and fresh out of Mizu, asking him if there's any nearby town or city or really anything. Raq pretends to want to help Ran and let's him stay at his camp, giving him food and a warm place to sleep. But its 2 full days later, deep in the night when Raq finally trys to attack him, aiming to incapacitate him. But Ran is able to escape him and run away but not without a injury. 

During the fight Raq manages to hit him, specifically on his left ear. He manages to cut deep, but not deep enough, leaving the top of his ear just barely hanging on. Ran runs away and actually has a bit of a head start due to him tripping Raq. But Raq manages to follow/track him, due to the blood flowing out of Rans ear. Ran eventually realizes Raq is tracking him by the blood trail he's leaving, so he stops, steals himself, and rips off the remaining part of his ear, barely holding back a yell, then Ran pushes his hand down on the wound and continues to run. Raq finds the ear and simply hums, intrigued by the lengths Ran will go to escape, before turning around, deciding to let Ran escape this time, because he knows he'll see him again. Ran continues to run, terrified and borderline crying due to the fear and pain. For the next 3 days he believes he is still being followed by Raq so he continues to run, never resting until he eventually collapses from exhaustion. His ear eventually heals over but never grows back, it becomes a reminder of the fact he is being constantly hunted by people and will never escape them. 

Ran encounters Raq a total of 32 times during his time living out in the wild. And every time Ran manages to get away, though sometimes more injured than others. Eventually it gets to the point Raq greets Ran like a old friend. After their 3rd encounter Raq starts to bring others with him, eventually he has 5 others helping him hunt Ran. Though Ran grows and is able to either outwit them by using traps or is just simply able to avoid them most of the time. Though he still gets hit at times, once he made a mistake and a trap failed, leading to him getting stabbed and passing out cause blood loss.

The Nether is less than kind to Ran but kinder than the overworld. He gets shot a lot from both ghasts and skeletons. And almost falls into lava multiple times. He gets stabbed and trips more times than he can count. But he actually manages to make acquaintance with the Piglins he meets due to him being polite to them and giving them gold for nothing in return. He actually is close enough to them to get directions for free and is even given resistance potions when Ran states he is leaving and not coming back as a farewell and stay safe gift. He ends up staying in the Nether for much longer than a normal person would and becomes adapt at traversing and surviving in it. It almost becomes his safe spot because the hunters have never followed him into the Nether. He would've lived there if he could, but due to the heat he isn't used too and the fact he just despised Ghasts more than the hunters, and they were everywhere in there, he didn't stay. But would often vist. Eventually he found netherite which he quickly covered his first and only diamond sword with. His sword also had the enchantments, sharpness 2, unbreaking 3, and sweaping edge. Over time and use the enchantments dimmed, only faintly remaining. At this point Ran had to flee his snow biome house due to a sudden attack, leaving behind the materials he needed to fix the enchantments and his sword. So he abandoned using it, but kept it cause it helped him through years of fighting, he can't exactly drop and leave it.

Extra stuff I couldn't find a way to fit in:

-Ran manages to find a village but actually gets kicked out cause he punches the blacksmith for upping the price of an iron sword.

-Ran slowly grows more cold, uncaring, rude, and harsh over time due to trauma. He doesn't realize he became this way due to untreated trauma until he arrives to The Pit where Watson is able to help him start to slowly heal. Which is why he becomes more open and joking in The Pit because he feels safe and loved. 

-When the group leaves The Pit he becomes cold and hard again due to habit. Its his way of subconsciously defending himself.

-His body is covered in scars due to the hunters and his brushes with mobs. 

-Ran knows how to tailor his own clothes and has made many different kinds of clothes, all designed for certain biomes. 

-Ran never farmed, he always hunted.

-Ran never really built anything, instead he preferred to dig into the side of a mountain or make shelter in a cave. Its only in the snow biome did he actually build a house. And even then it was very clearly meant to be a temporary house. Though he did end up living there longer than he intended. 

-He was at first extremely reluctant to kill, but was forced to kill hunters and animals multiple times. To the point he became almost numb to it and wouldn't hesitate to kill if he was threatened. 

-He would sometimes dream about his family only for it to end with them being slaughtered, which really messed him up and he would just lay in bed mindlessly every time it happened. These dreams still happen. 

Also a edit to when the brothers met in the Pit, Ran actually gets his hands on a broken trident accidentally left in the arena (its the front end only, and the middle spike is shorter than the rest due to a error when being made) and ends up tripping Ranbob then stabbing the trident into the ground over him (if that makes sense?), actually trapping Ranbob, with the middle spike just above his throat, leaving him unable to move unless he wants to cut his neck and trapped on the ground. 

Tip of The Iceburg:

So Karl's watch is still damaged. And Isaac is still the one to convince him to seek help from the others. But midway through the meeting Phil speaks up, mentioning how he found a book in a ruined village that had a replica of Karl's Watch etched into the cover, but is in a language he's never seen. After passing it around the table no one recognizes it. Everyone's discouraged until Foolish suggests they look for the other Travelers (what ima call the Tales people) and maybe one of them will know. Eventually, with picture pinning of supposedly who could be in their world, they all split off into groups to look. Ran is still the first found, but when he's shown the book he actually confirms a part of it is in a old enderman language that fell off long ago, he's able to translate half of that section but says that Ranbob, who studied old languages much more thoroughly than Ran can do the rest (cause here their still brothers but nothing in Brothers AU happened). Giving everyone hope. Eventually Ranbob gets found and translates the rest, but a great amount is still untranslated, which is a problem. So now its a journey of finding more people and mixing languages to find out the rest. 

A sudden twist to the story happens when Billiam joins, and due to his experience with the egg is actually able to translate a random page in the back of the book (the egg made its own language to prevent its plans being discovered). Where they find out the egg is what broke Karls watch, because to it humans are nothing but entertainment, and it gets joy seeing them suffer and wants to mess with their lives. When it gets revealed to the rest of the SMP what the page says, everyone gets pissed. And even when its found how to get the Travelers home they refuse to leave until the egg is destroyed, a few are mad at it and want revenge, others are scared and want to try to prevent it from coming into their time. Karl eventually relents and lets them join in making a plan to take down the egg.  

Also have some fluff scenarios with the brothers since its been a while:

-There's two types of resistance potions in their world, fire resistance and water resistance. The latter of which the brothers have memorized how to make. Their friends do not know water resistance exists. Which leads to the brothers pranking their friends by drinking some then jumping into a lake. Giving Watson a heartattack and making Isaac sob. The two quickly reemerge seeing their reactions and calm them and reassure them. After the explanation you can bet they got a talking too and where grounded. 

-Ran teaches Ranbob to fight!

-Ranbob teaches Ran to fish, Ran complains the entire time. 

-Ranbob responds by threatening to teach Ran how to farm. Ran stops complaining after that….mostly

-Everyone has found the brothers either asleep against each other or one asleep on the other at least twice. 

-*insert Arthur get out of the tank meme but instead it's Ranbob trying to get Ran out of a tree so he can greet people.*

-Ran has his first night in years without a nightmare! 

Now something else I'm planning to work on soon: What happened to Ranbob after Ran left Mizu?

I hope me sending stuff is still ok after so long of sending nothing. 

Good to have you back, Brothers Anon! And sorry to hear about your phone, that sounds like it must've a day.

--------

Brothers AU:

I see we're back to Traumatize The Brothers Time, fantastic.

The fact that Ran has these items on him is interesting. Did he just have them with him when he was fleeing? Did he have the time to grab them? Was he preparing ahead? What led to him having these useful tools on hand when he was forced to flee?

How does he fare with mobs, being a mob hybrid himself? I think it's somewhat been implied that he's good with Endermen, but what about others?

How do the gladiator gang go about helping with his insomnia and paranoia, if they are aware of it?

What's it like for him during his time in the snow-biome, since he's there for awhile? Does he make a more-permanent camp/shelter? Do anything particularly interesting?

Poor Ran! That must've been quite the shock for him, and I imagine it didn't help his trust issues.

How does he get to the Nether? Does he have a base there? What do the piglins think of him, and vice versa? How does the Nether life effect him overall?

What happened to those materials left behind? Where they discovered? Does he manage to go back and get them on the roadtrip? Do they visit his homes on the trip?

How does the group react to his sudden change when they're leaving? What kind of clothes does he make? Does he ever make some for the others? Does he enjoy it, or is it just because it's necessary?

How do the fishermen feel about the close call with the trident, and what happens to the weapon?

------------

Tip Of the Iceberg:

I don't remember if this was mentioned before, but was it Karl's watch that caused the issue then? Who wrote the book? Does the egg have a connection with them?

How do they fare with their plans to take down the Egg(and potentially the Eggpire, if that's a thing here)? How do those with previous experience with Egg feel about this, and what part do they play?

--------

Fluff! At long last!

I love how their thought process went to that. 'We can make water resistance potions, lets jump in a lake in front of our friends'.

That sounds like it should be entertaining.

Ranbob knows how to farm?

That's such a funny mental image. 'Ran, get out of the tree, you have to socialize'. 'Hissing'.

Yay, good for him!

Ooo, what?

Always.

[lausterholes]

Sugar daddy Hcs | Giorno, Diavolo, Risotto

▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀

Sorry for my thirst for Sugar daddy things. I aged up everyone into the current time’s age. (Giorno is 35, Diavolo is around 52? and Risotto is 47) I just really have something for older men asfadfdaf. 

Warning: not sfw/ (a lot of) age gap/ sugar daddy-baby relationship.

▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀

Sugar Daddy!Giorno Giovanna (35)

▀  After he became the don of the greatest mafia in Italy. Giorno just stressed out with many things he had to deal with. It’s not that he’s going to toss his work away anyway, it’s a part of his life now. He has been fulfilling his role as the boss perfectly for nineteen years. Everything went faultlessly within those hands.

▀ Except for only one thing, lover. Basically, Giorno never cares about having any girl by his side. But this makes Mista genuinely feels that his don may get too stressed. He talked about this to Giorno sometimes, but the don just brushed it off.

▀ Until one day, the new problem happens in Naples. The gangsters that he had been caught his eyes on for so long caused huge trouble to the tourist. Giorno may let them go this time, but the problem is- they hurt one family that just happens to be the innocent, they tried to help and call the police, but end up beaten instead.

▀ Giorno annoyed by their unreasonable antics. Not just that- the gangsters pretend to be victims and claim for damage. Okay, that’s too much. Giorno had to step in, already decides to have someone dead. They were suspected to be traitors anyway.

▀ You, the child of the said family, are unpleasant about this. You have to pay so much for your parents’ treatment and yet- you have to pay for those bastards too, you almost get harassed, so you fight back. But you ended up looking like a culprit instead.

▀ When Giorno learned about you, he just gave a visit to the hospital right after he eliminates those scumbags. When he saw you, frowning at him- he just introduces himself and apologizes. You tried to ignore him, but Giorno catches the sadness and uneasiness in your eyes. He knew that you have struggled with the state you’re in- you lost a lot of money for these, but you have to pay for tuition too.

▀ Giorno genuinely felt bad for you, he offers to pay all of your parents’ medical treatment cost. When you denied him dismally. Giorno change the offer, he said that he will help you, but if you work with him. You hesitated but agree anyway. You just can’t let him help you for free, you don’t want to pay him back later.

▀ It started with simple tasks, such as arranging the documents, make Giorno a cup of coffee, or maybe just help him take care of his garden. Giorno didn’t expect any kind of bond, but he sure is enjoying your company. And so do you.

▀ Then, he started to spend more time with you- talking about so many things, taking you to his favorite restaurant, having a deep conversation. Giorno didn’t know what to do, you’re so young compared to him, he’s almost middle age while you’re only a college student.

▀ Unexpectedly, you confessed your idea of being his sugar baby first. And Giorno just stays silent for a bit- only for you to almost cry of shame. He just started to tease you, doesn’t he?

▀ That’s when your relationship starts. Giorno pays a lot of money on you, including your tuition cost. Or maybe just after getting intimacy with you, he inserts money in your undergarment.

▀ Always nagging you when you want to buy something you like. But purchase it anyway. Maybe he uses this against you for punishment in the bedroom.

▀ On the bed, he’s eager and not so vanilla. But your feelings have to come first- he makes sure you feel good and always reach your climax. Extra point if you call him daddy, this man will ram into you and will spoil you rotten the next day.

▀ Sometimes he bought you a pair of lingerie that seems to fit you. If you decided to wear it someday. Giorno definitely will treat you like daddy’s little princess and reward you what you deserve.

▀ 10 out of 10 sugar daddy.

▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀

Diavolo (52)

▀ Even for someone who’s fifty-two years old, he’s still hot like his old day.

▀ Diavolo is a very cautious man. He always deletes his traits and identity. Almost being fully anonymous. But is it wrong for a man who wants to be unknown to have a desire? No, of course. Diavolo still craving for touch as a human being.

▀ But he had to choose wisely for someone to being his mistress, his possession. Someone that he could truly trust, or else he had to kill right after he finished. 

▀ And his eyes caught on you, a young girl that enters passione to find extra money to pay off her own tuition cost. One day, you started your normal routine like ever. But this day, when you spot a pink-haired man in front of your college’s gate, he just approached you and said that he wants to talk to you about something in passione, his name was Doppio, he told you.

▀ You agree to come along with him. This guy looks too innocent to be one of the boss’s reliable allies. But you guess that it won’t hurt if you heard him what’s the matter he wants to talk about.

▀ Of course, Diavolo only sees you as a way to relieve himself. But more and more the conversation between Doppio and you go on, Diavolo sparked some interest. Not only because you seem devoted to what you believe and really good at keeping secret, but because you have lesser power than him, he could easily manage this.

▀ Doppio finally touches the base. He told you that his boss wants to meet you in person. You questioned why, Doppio a little embarrassed to say it- so Diavolo takes a place instead, then said. “He wants your company, maybe tomorrow, .”

▀ When you arrived at the location where Doppio hand you. You weren’t sure about this- you didn’t know anything about your boss. Did you do something wrong? Did he trick you into this? You weren’t sure for real.

▀ The security was safest of the safe, if there’s disaster outside, you assured that he’ll be totally fine. You nervously entered his room. The room was dark and really cold. Even you embrace yourself, you couldn’t warm up.

▀ You heard his voice aloud in the deepest corner, demand you come closer. You were afraid of what might happen, but it’ll be better to listen to your boss.

▀ He started a conversation with you, making you feel as comfortable as he can. While the conversation goes on, Diavolo crept closer to you, showing his longing feeling that you must be the one to fulfill it. He knew that you have some trouble with your tuition fees and needs in your life you couldn’t afford, he might help you. That’s why you agree.

▀ You were loyal like a dog, keeping secret deep in your mind. The mysterious relationship with the most cautious mafia boss is something you never expected to have. Diavolo really pleased with you, he never played favorite before, but now he is.

▀ Diavolo is rough and such a selfish bastard. He treated you like he owns you as his personal fuck toy. All the nights you spend are nothing more than rough sex. Once he finished- he may lead you to a pillow talk or just leave you on his bed and go bathing.

▀ Diavolo likes the idea of dressing you up as he pleased, feeling completely own you.

▀ When you’re underneath him, call him daddy, and you’ll get the best orgasm you’d had. Maybe sometime, he might get carried away and end up driving you into the oblivion.

▀ Spoiled you rotten, but he’s rough and you feel quite awkward. 7/10

▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀

Risotto Nero (47)

▀ Oh boy. The best sugar daddy is here. Even compare to the other two, he still a little broke. But trust me, he is better for your mental health.

▀ Imagine about Risotto’s ideal wife. Usually, this man doesn’t specific his type of girl. At this age, Risotto started to think about retirement and family. He wants to go back to Sicily and lived a normal life he could ever have since he was eighteen.

▀ Maybe Risotto just really hoped that he could really find someone.

▀ While some of his teammates retired and got replaced by the new ones, he’s still there, being a capo every now and then. Leading the team as he always did in the past. But really? His path couldn’t be changed, but he can retire anytime he wants though.

▀ Then, he met you. The newest member of passione, so young, but mature and free. He wants to treat you like any other, but you’re so attractive in his eyes. He’s a little guilty of that. You seem like you haven’t finished your college yet. He doesn’t even know other than being awkward when you two are alone. Such a big himbo.

▀ Risotto is not a guy you could read like an open book, that’s why you always keep your professionalism with him all the time. But when you learned a glimpse of his fonding toward you, you shall be the one that opens your heart first.

▀ You spend more time with your capo, he’s much older than you, yes, but that’s not making him less attractive. But that’s how it starts, awkward tea time and a little conversation.

▀ One day, Risotto said that he’ll afford you anything you’d like to have. Even you could pay with your own money, Risotto suggests that you should save it for good. He even let you use his credit card, you really appreciate this- but isn’t he too generous for you?

▀ Once he gets comfortable with you more, Risotto started being like himself again. All cool and discreet. Risotto at this age is someone you would head over heels with. Not just his attractive older figure, but also his personality that even more sensible. You just couldn’t enough of him.

▀ He is a busy man but can meet you several times a month. The meeting doesn’t always end up with sex, maybe just a conversation with a good dinner.

▀ Risotto expected you to call him daddy during the intercourse, he doesn’t react with his words, neither with his expression. Looks like he doesn’t care, but his movement said otherwise, Risotto would actually break you along with the bedpost that keeps slamming onto the wall. He loves it.

▀ He might let you queening him as a reward for being a good girl. His tongue feels like heaven, each stroke driving you insane. And you wouldn’t dare to be naughty with him, would you? Or else you’ll be roughly fucked your brain out.

▀ The aftercare with Risotto is the best, he’ll do anything to please you. Drink? check. Food? check. Comfy bed? check. Bath? check. All the things you need are already prepared by him.

▀ As soon as you okay with it, maybe Risotto might make you a real wife of his, then he can peacefully retire and live the rest of his life with you.

▀ 10/10 recommend.

▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀

[letshaikyuu]

278 REQUESTS????? ARE U OKAY OMG?? I WAS G-GONna request sumn but i couldnt find if they were closed or anythin so pls just delete/ignore this if ur overwhelmed rn👉🏻👈🏻 i rlly liked ur confessing to karasunos manager hcs.. could you also do them w tendou and suna (and matsukawa if u write for him🤍)???? but w a 2nd year manager 😽 MWAH BIG FAT KISSY FOR U MLADY UR AMAZING🥺

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐨'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫 // 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐚/𝐧: oh, bb...it’s around 440 reqs now lol, but I’m ‘handling’ it in a weird way

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: none!

𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦

➴ I’m trying to write shorter paragraphs so that it’s easier for you all to read, so I’m kind off abandoning my usual formatting when it comes to headcanons I guess? 

➴ 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢

The team would be especially wary if Tendou were the one having the hots for their manager because he’s from Shiratorizawa and he gave off a rather bad vibe during the finals, so he’s a personal no-no to the team. 

Will Tendou actually care about that? Nope. He’s really the type to stroll into Karasuno with a clear intention of confessing to you and pissing off the team with a smirk on his face - will intentionally do it in front of the Karasuno team

It would most likely be uncomfortable to you if he’d do it like this because the team’s evident glares in his direction wouldn’t make your decision any easier. However, if you were to be completely honest to yourself, Tendou did have his own charm and something intriguing about him

Despite the vocal disagreement of the team, you decide to pull Tendou out of the gym to at least have a little bit of privacy while actually answering to his confession. He’s basically the type of guy who’d confess without anything ‘extra’ like flowers or something to prove his love for you because he knows he’s going back to Shiratorizawa with a partner

The smug look on his face will make the team pissed and even though they don’t particularly the side of Tendou they’ve seen so far, they trust your judgment enough to know that you’ve made the right decision!

But, some of them will still grumble under their breath how you’re dating Tendou (cough cough, Tanaka, Noya, and Hinata)

➴ 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 

So, I see this as being a rather out of the blue confession because it can, honestly, happen only during Nationals seeming as the schools aren’t in the same region and that’s the only suitable place for meeting

I feel like Suna trusts his gut feeling all the time and knows that if he keeps thinking back to you, the manager of the opposing team, there must be something there, so Suna doesn’t think twice before approaching you randomly the day after the Karasuno v. Inarizaki match

You’d be confused because you haven’t uttered a single word to him??? Yet, he’s right here in front of you and telling you that he likes you. No previous preparation involved, Suna is going head straight in a hit-miss situation. The team is just as shocked as they’re hiding behind the corner and looking at what’s going on

Seeing Suna’s gaze up close and off the court is somewhat intimidating and making you feel like you have to say yes? But, everyone can see that he is one fine, young man and actually knowing that he’s interested in you is flattering. There’s also a possibility of Suna openly telling you that it’s still early to know for sure what either of you is feeling, but offers to try 

I mean, why not? In the end, the simple confession turned into a phone number exchange and “let’s see where this goes”. You being a 2nd year most likely made this a bit easier because you’d be the same age

Even when the team comes storming in with questions, you’d only have a small smile on your face while looking at his contact and shrugging. Who knows, maybe something will happen 

➴ 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐢

Just like Shiratorizawa, Seijoh just rubs the team the wrong way, so they’d be against it. But, they know very little about Matsukawa? Yes, they’ve seen him on the court, but Matsukawa is a complete enigma to all of you

Him confessing to you probably happens (or strikes his mind) before the semifinals against Karasuno because he has seen you around the previous year when you were a first-year manager. So, Matsukawa feels like the safest option would be to confess before the game, but ultimately chickens out and waits for the end

Well, after losing, confessing to you slips his mind, but he’d catch your form with the team and remembers what he wanted to do. Calmly and somewhat confidently approaches as if nothing had happened minutes prior to that

Even though there’s an evident puffiness to his eyes from crying, neither of you mention it as he stands in front of you. His confession is short with a few simple sentences like: “I like you. Would you like to go on a date?” Seijoh is fucking shocked, Karasuno doesn’t even know what to think and you were stunned. Matsukawa never shows uncertainty, he knows what he’s feeling and he’s willing to see where this will go

Despite the sudden confession and both teams standing right there, you end up agreeing to a date and exchanging contact info with Matsukawa. Doesn’t prolong his stay any longer and heads back to the team, assuring you that he’ll text after the finals with Shiratorizawa

Honestly, Karasuno wouldn’t know what to think, but they do give you advice on how to ‘handle’ him if the date ends up being shit (it won’t because it’d be such a casual setting and Issei is lovely, yes.)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @masako55, @tiggyybee, @nekoglasses, @peppermintkiddo, @maramalademadara, @kitasluvr, @parolesdesanges, @hakueishirei

𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @caxsthetic

[incorrectzutaraquotes]

why do you think the zutara fandom gets so much hate? like, their dynamic is so healthy lmao and also, how do you filter out all the negativity to keep enjoying the ship?

i genuinely could not tell you, honestly, because you’re right, the dynamic is really healthy. some people think it’s unhealthy because the fire attacked the water tribe and zuko chased the gang around everywhere but then those people go on to ship zukaang and zukka so it doesn’t really make sense. i think some people just get annoyed because it gets in the way of their ship and instead of engaging in civil discourse the immediate response is to attack the people who do like the ship in an attempt to prove that their ship is better.

it was hard for me to stay out of ship drama when i was younger, but now i either filter certain things out when i can, or i just stay away from stan culture which sounds stupid but it works. i talk about my ships and tv shows/characters i like, but i rarely engage with the fandoms, especially on platforms like twitter.

on tumblr my filtered words are “anti zutara” “kataang” and “maiko”. it’s not that i hate the other ships, because i generally have little issues with them. i do have certain problems with both ships, but it’s not enough for me to post about. i just filter them out because i used to run into a lot of posts tagged as “kataang” and “maiko” which were basically just bashing zutara so i figures my safest bet was to just filter them both.

my biggest piece of advice is to just not engage with antis when you see them, and don’t let them make you feel bad for shipping your ship. instead of engaging with antis, i’ll go and rant about what they said on my side blog and that usually helps get out my frustration. i’ll usually tag those posts as “zutara” because having people agree with my ideas and share my anger makes me feel much happier and valid in my feelings.

i’ll usually block or delete hate i receive on my posts right away no matter how strong the urge is the fight with them. it’s hard to resist, but i’ve been in a much better place since i started doing that. the fights really aren’t worth it, and from experience, neither of you will probably end up changing your minds.

[undeadimmortality]

Unexpected Part 2

Not really chapters, just super long parts to the story. 

Hey, smut ahead!!! I’m bad at writing smut so felt right, but might delete later, idkidk. Fluff too! Is alcohol consumption a warning?? 

Weeks turned to months, and things started to change for the better, as well as the worst. Your time in the bunker was great. You were getting pretty close to Sam and Dean, even Castiel at times, but he always kept a mental distance. After a lot of late night talks, you had opened up about your past and they had opened up about theirs too. You could tell the boys took to caring about you, and you cared about them deeply. Even with everything that had started this relationship, you’d never had anyone who cared for you a single day in your life until you got to know Sam and Dean. Even in the short time of knowing them, you knew they were great men, and would genuinely try to keep you alive if they could.

There were demon omens coming from a town close to the bunker, and the boys decided to check it out. Leaving Castiel to look over you, while they were away for a day or two. This was the first time they’d decided to act on any sort of hunt since they found you, figuring it’d be safer to keep a low profile until they figure out this Lucifer issue. But, with demons possibly this close to the bunker, finding out why they were there was the safest bet.

They’d been gone the whole day, and after no replies to your texts you started to worry. A glass of whiskey in one hand and your cell in the other, Castiel watched as you paced back and forth for a good hour, deep in thought.

“Maybe you should check on them, Cass. They aren’t texting back.” You walked over to the angel, and sat next to him, opening your texts again.

“We have a plan in place, (y/n). It’s safer if I stay here with you.” Castiel said.

“You still don’t trust me?” It was more of a statement, rather than a question.

Castiel turned his body toward you and placed his hand on your shaking knee. “On the contrary (y/n). I want to keep you safe. If I left, and something happened to you, I could never forgive myself.” You stared deeply into Cass’s eyes and saw emotion there that you hadn’t caught before. You knew Castiel was indifferent toward you, and trusting at least, but maybe you had more of an impact on the Angel than you wanted to admit to yourself.

You sighed and stood to fill you now empty glass of liquor.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed, I know we’ve been building up a friendship Cass, I’m just worried.” You talked as you fill your glass and walked back over to the Angel. “I’ve just never had people who were ever in any sort of danger because of me, especially you and the boys, who I’ve grown to care for. I don’t know how you do it. They’re constantly putting themselves in danger. I would’ve had a heart attack at this point if I were you.” The leather couch squeaked as you sat next to Cass.

He chuckled, “Angel’s can’t have heart attacks, but I understand your meaning” He smiled at you. The only light in the room were candles you had lit. The bunker was quiet aside from some music playing quietly.

You laughed at his response, returning the smile. The soft light of the bouncing flames gave a soft glow to Castiels face. His tan skin and almost matching caramel brown hair looked soft. Those ocean blue eyes of his vessel did weird things to your stomach as you stared into them. His light pink lips were stretched in to a soft, genuine smile and slightly met his eyes. You were sure you could both hear your heart rate picking up.

Castiel POV

Castiel watched (y/n) as she studied his face. It seemed as though she was seeing him in new eyes for the first time. Not just the Angel, but the vessel, the human side of Cass. Cass had died, been human, and lived in Jimmy’s vessel for years, but he hasn’t been Jimmy for a long-time. He was Castiel now.

Castiel studied (y/n) as a pink blush lit up her pale cheeks, and she looked down in to her drink, lips piercing in deep thought. He’d studied her enough now to know her common emotions. Her deep in thought brought on pieced lips, sometimes a light bite to her low lip, and a small crease between her eyes when her brows furrowed. Her happy, meant a bright smile that reached the eyes, a slight squint to her lids, and sparkle in her irises. When she wasn’t looking, he would catch himself staring. (y/n) was beautiful, it was plain as day. She had long, dark red hair that contrasted her soft pale skin. Her pale blue eyes matched his by just a shade paler. Her light pink lips held a feminine shape, the bottom lip slightly thicker than the top.

The guilt he felt for the way he treated her was unbearable, and little did she know, he felt the need to make up for it for as long as he lived.

When they held her captive, all he noticed was the evil that hid inside of her human soul. A bright red glow in her irises that was more evident when she was chained up. Her hatred, fear, and pain protected the rest of her that he has come to observe and see. With still no real knowledge on her or her power, all he had was his observations. Her soul was made up like a human one, but it was vastly different. A human soul usually had a colorful aura that radiated around the vessel, but (y/n)’s was much bigger. Almost the size of an Angel’s aura that radiated their grace. Her Aura could cover the whole country if you were to put it in a human perspective. A bright red glow that radiated a powerful energy. Her soul held all the makings of a human soul, but hers was torn and battered, like it was being ripped apart by the power that lay untouched at the core. It scared Castiel to no avail, she was nothing he had ever seen in the millennia he had spent between heaven and Earth. Yet he was drawn to her intensity. He’d seen the love and kindness she showed him and the brothers. Her little acts of kindness, like cooking, or tidying up after the boys every night before bed. Humming to the music as she folded their clothes. She put love and purpose into her actions. And in return was slowly stealing Castiels heart if he had one. He’d known love and intimacy in his experiences on Earth, but his pull toward (y/n) was leagues more intense. It scared Castiel, but his courage and excitement overpowered everything. He wasn’t going to let her go.

(y/n) cleared her throat and brought Castiel from his thoughts, now realizing he had been staring at her. Her cheeks were a shade pinker than before, and she looked up at Cass like she was waiting for him to break the silence.

Embarrassment covered his features, and all her managed was a “Sorry”, before (y/n)’s phone started to ring and broke the silence.

YOUR POV

You jumped at the sudden noise that broke your weird moment with Castiel. Deans name popped up, and you answered it on the first ring.

“Dean?” You asked, standing up quickly.

“Yeah it’s me, me and Sammy are alright, we’re heading back to the bunker now, it’s not safe to stay here tonight, I’ll explain when we get back. There better be beer left when I get back!”

“Okay, I’ll wait up. Also a found the bottle of whiskey you stashed, so your beers safe!” you joked, causing a line of slurs from the brute.

“They’re on their way back.” You sat back down, gulping down the last sip of your second drink. The alcohol wasn’t taking tonight, even with the call from Dean, a pit in your stomach started to grow, and left you feeling very uneasy.

“That’s good news” Cass said, “Allow me” He reached for your empty glass, and you handed it to him and watched as he made his way over to the whiskey bottle on the table.

“I’ve got a bad feeling, Cass. Like something bad’s about to happen.” You started, watching him walk back.

“We’re warded here, this is the safest place for you.” He handed you the glass, and sat down turning toward you again.

“It’s not that, it’s not for me, it’s like I have this feeling of dread. Like…He’s close…” You took another sip, cursing your nerves for keeping you more sober than usual after three glasses of whiskey. “I want you to promise me something” You looked up and met Cass’s eyes. “If he get’s to me and I can’t do it myself, I need you to do it.” You didn’t need to explain further, the dread that covered Castiels features said it all.

Cass took your empty hand, and covered it in both of his. “He will never get his hands on you as long as I live. I will protect you (y/n), as long as I’m alive.” Castiel said.

“I know, that’s what I’m afraid of. You and the boys, if you died trying to save me-“ You stopped, tears glossing over your eyes.

“It won’t come to that. Everything will be fine.” Castiel smiled, but you could tell he was trying to convince himself as well. You leaned your head on the Angels shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around your back, in hopes of soothing you. You stayed like that for a while, and only broke away when you heard the bunker door open and shut.

Dean and Sam spent the next hour going over the details of their trip. With the fear of tipping Lucifer off, they decided to keep their distance, and basically got that the demons were close to finding (y/n).

“The wards on the bunker most likely helped to an extent, but with no knowledge on the Child of Cain, were pretty sure they’re still able to track her, however faint a signal they get, we think they’re still getting something.  

“No….”You whimpered. Standing up and pacing back and forth. “I have to run! If they are this close, I can lead them away form here! What other options do we have?”

“Not this one! You ‘re staying, end of story.” Dean growled.

“You we’re ready to kill me.” Tears starting to prick at the corners of your eyes. “Maybe…”

“Not happening” Sam glared at you, “We’ll figure something out we always do. You’re part of our family now (y/n), and we protect our own. There has to be something we missed. If (y/n)’s power is “sleeping” as Cass put it, maybe there’s a way to wake it.” Sam thought, glancing towards Cass for an answer.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start. Besides I’ve seen her power. I can feel it. It isn't just apart of her, it’s at the very core of her human soul…Her soul’s already tarnished and flayed, there’s a very little chance she’d survive her power waking up, or worse, turning (y/n) in to something worse than Lucifer. It’s not just power Sam, it’s holds the mark of Cain, there’s no telling what would happen.” Castiel explained, deep in thought.

“My soul…it’s broken?” This was the first you’ve heard of this.

Castiel casts you a pitiful look. “Not broken (y/n), it’s still intact, but your power is at the source of your human soul, and it’s ripped and torn to shreds. The only thing holding it together is you. If you let that power out, I truly don’t know what would happen to you. I’m sorry”

Silence swept through the room, and you paced some more chugging down the third glass of liquor and went to pour a fourth. The only option you could see that got rid of the Devil once and for all, and left the boys and Castiel alive, was somehow finding a way to unleash your power on the Lucifer. If Castiel was right about how strong you truly wore, you were confident you could give the Devil a taste of his own medicine. The only options you saw were, continuing to run, and let the Devil run loose to kill more innocent people, kill yourself and still allow Lucifer to live, or kill the Devil yourself and take yourself down in the process. The choice was easy.

A few weeks went by, but with the wards holding strong, the Demons were only a town closer to the bunker and Castiel had secretly planted some false signals to keep them off your trail for as long as possible.

“It’s late” You stopped in your tracks, as his voice filled the silence. You’d seen a lot less of him lately, as he was out more and more trying to lead the Demons astray.

“Couldn’t sleep” You continued to walk through the library, running your fingertips over the spines of the dusty old books, a glass of whiskey in the other hand.

The tension in the bunker was almost overwhelming. After trying to flee a few different times, to no success. The boys came and went, looking for answers to anything that could give you the upper hand in the inevitable war that would soon unfold. You hadn’t been outside of the bunker in months, and it was taking it’s toll. The bunker that once held a state of content, not felt claustrophobic. You felt helpless being forced to stay here, while others put their lives at risk to help you.

You made your way over to the table, and popped the the cap off the liquor, and filled you glass halfway.

“(y/n).” His voice was soft and pleading. He placed a hand on your shoulder, and gently turned you to face him.

He looked tired, same as you. His demeaner slightly slouched from trying his hardest to lure the demons as far away from you as he could , no doubt.

“Have you heard from the Sam and Dean? They didn’t check in tonight.” You asked, bringing the glass to your lips.

“They’re fine, they’re about a day out with more research about The Mark of Cain. Sam’s hopeful about this research.”

“That’s good.” You’re eye’s only left Cass’s when you took another sip of you drink. And then back up.

Castiel grabbed the glass from your hand, and you let him. He set it on the table behind you, and with the same hand he pushed a few stray strands of hair behind your ear and cupped your check. You breathing hitched and his fingers sent sparks through your veins. His hand was soft and warm, and you reached up to cup yours over his, turning your head to place a kiss in his palm.

You’re feelings for the angel had grown immensely since the night you two had a moment on the couch, but both of you were never this forward about your affections with everything else going on. You were falling deeply in love with the feathered man, but as the Child of Cain, you never knew why he returned your affections.

You turned back forward, eyes meeting Cass’ and he swept his thumb over your bottom lip. His eyes were giving away his desperation for you. After moments of silence that seems to last an eternity, Cass leaned forward, painfully slow, eyes never leaving yours, before both your eyes fluttered shut as his lips pressed against yours.

Both of you were unaware of the fate that was unfolding tonight.

The kiss sent shivers through your body, his lips were so warm and so soft. It was light at first; passionate and innocent, but a need for you unleashed inside of Castiel, and his hand moved through your hair to the back of your head, and lightly pulled your head to the side, so he could deepen the kiss. A small moan escaped you lips and you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer. You could feel his arousal press against your stomach.

Castiel was the first to break, as he swiftly gripped both your thighs, lifted you up, and carried you over to the couch. He sat down, and placed both your legs on either side of his and ran his hands up your sides, then your back, never braking eye contact. Your breath hitched as he gently pulled you in you in for another kiss, allowing your hands to roam freely over his chest. You arousal started to build, and a small grind of your hips along his arousal earned you a moan from Castiel that lit your spark.

His smell and taste mixed with yours was intoxicating. He smelt of fresh air mixed with a sweet musk, and his taste along with yours, and the lingering whiskey left your head in the clouds.

His kiss was getting sloppy, and your arousal was at it’s peak. As you started to unbutton his shirt, Castiel waved his hand and all your clothes were off, leaving his arousal to press against your sex. He broke from the kiss, your breathing becoming labored with lust, and held both sides of your faces, fingers tangled I your hair.

“Are you sure?” He asked, searching for the answer in your eyes.

“I want this, Cass.” You reached up and cupped his cheek. “I want you.”

Castiel reached down and gripped your hips, lifting your up, allowing him to line up with your entrance. His pulled you down slowly, his member stretching you to the point of pure bliss. The feeling was more intense than anything you’d both had ever felt. Castiels eyes squeezed shut, his mouth hanging open, a small moan escaping your lips, as he filled you up and stopped when you reached his hilt. The pleasure was so intense it took you a moment to get your bearings before your body ached for more friction. You started off slow, lifting up, and sinking back down on to Castiel. A knot in your stomach started to build, closer and closer, as you started to build up speed. You moans matching his, his grace shining brightly through his irises and yours shined through yours. A bright red, but not evil. You, as a being was shining through, two divine beings both human and supernatural, sharing this moment in pure bliss. Love radiating off your naked bodies.

As swiftly as before, Castiel lifted you up and placed you on your back, never breaking rhythm, he met your eyes, then lips, and then a string of kisses, down your neck, earning his name that spilled from your lips. His rhythm gaining speed, and becoming more frantic, and you both built to your releases. You name and a slur of phrases left his lips. His name escaping yours, as your moans grew louder and longer, giving him the know that you were close. One more thrust, and all the tension released, pure bliss exploded from the inside out, bringing you to heaven. You tightness clenched around Castiel, and your release brought him to the peak of his, both of your meeting eachother on the other side of bliss. The moment only last seconds but felt like they lasted years. Sooner than you wanted, you came back down, reality taking you back in its clutch. Castiel sank down next you, your breathing and heartbeat breaking the silence.

You looked up toward Castiel, him already looking down at you, a content smile gracing your eyes. You wanted to and tell him, but the moment didn’t need words, he already knew, and you knew he felt the same way. You graced him a your own smile and lifted his hand to place a small kiss in his palm. You both laid together, happily content being in each others arms, Castiel had waved his hand once more, and both of you were cleaned up and clothed. The night was late, and the candle flames were dying out, bringing the room close to darkness. Everything around you was perfectly set, and your worries would have to wait until tomorrow as your lids drew heavy and sleep soon took over as you lay in Castiels arms.

[glossymendes]

Shawn headcannon based on this :')

@rubyredtears-x

Ok long story short this was a blurb twice nd i re wrote it at first and then tumblr DELETED it so now im writing a headcannon

•°•°•

Ok since were going clingy AND sleepy my first thought is jet lag

Bc ya know he literally travelling for tour right now

But ANYWAY

He'd be so CUTE

Like he'd wanna cuddle no matter what

Doesn't matter what position

He just wants to hold you :(

Or be held, both are good

So my first thought was post tour/break between shows

Everyone is just taking a chill day, nothing is planned to yall can sleep until whenever

So you'd wake up on ur back

And shawn is just like, half on top of you and he is k n o c k e d out

And it's just so cute bc his hand is reaching across ur body to hold yours

And when you let go to reach for your phone he automatically snuggles into you

And his hair tickles ur chin pansgxbsvs omg

But then you realize it's basically noon when you check your phone

And you want to wake him up so y'all can go cook breakfast lunch

But he looks so peaceful nd precious

So you just decide to sneak out of bed, cook, and you guys could just have breakfast (lunch? brunch?) In bed

But when you moved his arms from around you, he automatically woke up

Honestly it was kinda scary

But anyway

He realized you were trying to get out of bed and got so pouty :'(

"babe why do you have to leave" :((

"I was just gonna get us some food, hon. It's already noon"

"mmm 'm sleepy though. Just wanna cuddle."

And he's so pouty when he says it it's so cute and you're honestly tempted to just stay in bed-

But then your stomach grumbles and you remember why you wanted to leave the bed in the first place

"what if we just go to the kitchen together?"

"will i still be able to cuddle you?"

"well i mean, yeah, it'll just be hard to move around"

Despite being so sleepy he somehow gets out of bed while carrying you

And carries you down to the kitchen because hes getting "as many cuddles as possible"

Y'all just eneded up having sandwiches for lunch because you didnt think it was the safest idea to try and use a stove while you have a sleepy giant basically hanging off you

The whole time you were puting the sandwiches together he was just kissing your neck and randomly hugging you tighter

Ahhhh hes just so cute i can't-

•°•°•

[malecftw]

Europe with Shawn (new version)

So this lil one got deleted for some reason so here is the new version. I actually thought it was gonna be horrible but I don’t really mind it that much. The key points of the original story are def still there, just written differently. Enjoy! (A/N is the original one)

A/N: Y’all can thank the ‘there’s nothing holding me back’ music video for this holy hot damn creativity struck me like lightning (ok that didn’t make sense ignore this and enjoy!)

Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Warnings: none, just fluffffff

Word count: 1.505

Masterlist.

Requests are open!

Shawn adjusted his position in the wooden chair as the interviewer asked him another question. Sitting under the bright professional lights, in front of the big camera, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to you.

Ever since you’d joined him in the UK for the first show of the European tour, you’d become inseparable. Shawn came back to earth when the room fell silent, awaiting his answer to the blonde interviewer’s question.

‘I’m sorry what was that?’ He said apologetically. The interviewer looked at him, acting like she could see right through him but in reality, she had no clue. She posed the question again, carefully articulating to make her English seem perfect but Shawn could still easily pick up on the foreign accent.

This time, he actually answered her question in full detail, trying to be as specific and complete as he could and she seemed happy with what she got out of him. As she asked him another question, the phone in his back pocket buzzed and he smirked, knowing exactly what it meant without even having to look at it.

When you’d joined him on tour, you’d made it a thing to venture out into every new city, finding different, new, cool places to eat while he worked. It was perfect since Shawn got to do what he loved while you got to go on a new adventure basically every other day. Preferably, you’d eat somewhere that had specific cuisine of said country, which wasn’t always the safest option.

Shawn silently thanked his manager in his head for only booking one interview today, bubbling with excitement to spend more time with you, wondering what kind of place you’d chosen today.

After the interview, he made sure to thank and say goodbye to everyone in the room. His parents raised him to be respectful and polite and while he was aching to get out of there, he also couldn’t not stick to his morals.

As he walked out of the building, he immediately opened up the notification that had your name on it. You’d just shared your location with him. No message, no nothing and he knew how much you loved making him curious for these kinds of things, so he followed the blue arrow on the map on his phone. As he dodged several variously colored Vespa’s and groups of tourists with sun hats on, he thought back to the memories you’d made over the past couple of months.

Your silk dress was giving you a godly shine in the summer sun as you sipped on a glass of wine at a French restaurant. Within viewing distance of the Eiffel Tower, you’d chosen the perfect spot for a little lunch date. However, both of you had quickly realized that snails were not your forte and while you tried it, it didn’t take you long to abandon the snails and go hunting for some macaroons.

Or that time you did an Escape Room after having had a typical German Bratwurst. That’s wasn’t really planned out or you would’ve dressed appropriately for the occasion since it had so much physical stuff that was not suited for your high heels and short skirt. Shawn didn’t mind though, when your skirt riled up, showing off your skin but he always respectfully stood in front of you, hiding you from plain sight as you fixed yourself. Eventually, you really got into it and being the gentleman that he is, he decided to carry your red pumps as you had the time of your lives solving puzzles and running against time itself.

As you were walking out of the Escape Room, you entered the main lobby of the building and the guy at the entrance looked at Shawn funnily as he noticed the red pumps. Of course, Shawn turned a lighter shade of red and you couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

Or that time at the cat café in Amsterdam. That was freaking adorable for all of 5 minutes until you found out you were very allergic to their fur. You powered through it and left with a new found love for any pets that didn’t have fur.

Of course, you were waiting for someone to recognize him but as of yet, you’d chosen lowkey places. You knew it was only a matter of time before someone was going to snap a picture of the both of you and post it to the internet. But it was okay. You both knew it was bound to happen and rather than being secretive and cooped up inside all day, you wanted to enjoy this. Enjoy Europe with each other, two kids in love having the time of their lives. You’d had the talk and come to the conclusion that your relationship was strong enough to take the blow.

Shawn took in his surroundings, stood in front of a small alleyway that seemingly went nowhere, your location told him differently. The chills were running up his arms as he was suddenly walking into the shadow of the old town of Rome. Leaving the fancy designer shops behind him, all of a sudden he was surrounded by old houses, each giving off their own vibe and charm. He lifted his sunglasses and set them on the top of his head, not needing them anymore since no sunlight could reach between these high houses on either side of the small alley.

All of a sudden, he spotted you in the window of the tiniest restaurant. The facade being covered in sunflowers which oddly enough matched the peach color of the outside walls. He stood still, observing you for a second. You long hair cascaded down your back and moved along with you as you laughed at something the waiter said. Two wine glasses were put in front of you and you couldn’t help but twirl yours around in your hand, debating on whether or not to have a little taste before you arrived. You looked pure, carefree, happy. Away from the constant stress of your job, away from the boring drag of a normal life. He realized he wouldn’t be able to take you everywhere, but you’d be easier to convince to come with him on the road, simply because you lived for traveling and exploring.

You looked up from the wineglass and noticed Shawn staring at you through the window. Your smile faded slightly before coming back times ten. He broke eye contact first and decided to enter the little restaurant you’d chosen out for the two of you. The waiter greeted him and Shawn slightly bowed his head as an awkward sign of acknowledgment and respect.

You giggled at his awkward stance but quickly looked down when his intense gaze bore deep into your soul. You stood up to greet him and he took you into his arms, taking you by surprise when he deepened the peck on your lips for a second. His chocolate brown eyes stared at your lips once more before realizing you should kinda limit the PDA. Not that you hated showing each other off in public, you just didn’t want to be sickening to others.

You both sat down and tasted the red wine you’d picked out, both of you approving before starting to talk about both of your days. Both of you happily making some small talk while you waited for your food, which arrived shortly after.

You groaned as you took in the smell of your lasagne, while Shawn’s mouth watered at the sight of his Pasta Carbonara. He knew he could trust you with food choices (apart from that snail thing yeah that was gross) so he usually just let you order since he was always famished after doing press or rehearsals. You’d really outdone yourself this time and you were proud of the choices you’d made.

You ate in silence, but when dessert rolled along, you started talking about the next few days. Shawn had made sure he had a couple days off here in Rome since he knew it was your favorite city and you really wanted to see the sights. Just another one of the countless thoughtful things he did for you day in day out. 

He played with your fingers while you excitedly talked about what you wanted to do with the time off and he couldn’t help but smile. Here you were, all excited, so excited, to spend time with him and only him. You didn’t care about the money or the fortune, you just cared about him, his love and making memories with him.

Your excitement was infectious and he smirked as he thought about it. Visiting the Colosseum, the Sistine Chapel, the Pantheon, the Trevi Fountain,...

He couldn’t wait to see you check each and every one off of your bucket list, your little face no doubt filled with constant excitement.

He couldn’t wait for making memories with his best friend and the love of his life, for the rest of his life.

[spnfanficpond]

October 2019 Pond LiveChat Recap

We had a great time chatting with @evansrogerskitten tonight! Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your wisdom!

Today, we got together and talked about writing smut! We discussed the legalities around sharing smut on the internet, vocabulary choices, created a spreadsheet of terms we can all share and use, and encouraged each other to not be afraid to just write. A rundown of the chat, as well as general Pond news, is below the cut. Due to the nature of the chat, there may be some parts of this recap that might be considered NSFW. 

To start us off, @mrswhozeewhatsiswrites shared some research into the legalities of posting erotica on the internet as it relates to minors. (We are not legal experts. This information was obtained through Google searches. If anyone can provide links to sources that contradict these, we will add them to this post to ensure the most correct information is provided here.)

Michelle: To try and keep it short and sweet, from everything I read, if a minor reads smut online, it's not the writer's, poster's, or web site's responsibility to keep it from them. It is the parent's, or the school's/library's responsibility. (Basically, whoever is providing the internet connection to the minor is responsible for filtering out content that might be harmful to that minor, not the parties creating or disseminating that content online.) Schools and libraries and other institutions that get government funds are usually required to have some sort of filter in place to prevent minors from accessing porn and erotica. 

What makes this so difficult to research is that written erotica is not mentioned very often in obscenity laws. Most laws focus on images or videos, not the written word. 

No matter what it is, though, to be prosecuted under obscenity laws, the material must first be ruled to be obscene. Legally, there is a difference between obscenity and erotica. Obscenity is generally illegal, and erotica is protected speech. There are many different sets of rules and guidelines that have been used to determine if something is considered obscene or not. The most widely used current set of guidelines is the Miller test. From my research, most (if not all) erotic fan fiction would not be considered obscene because of its ‘literary, artistic, political, or scientific value’.

Some interesting links in relation to this subject that go into detail:

Wikipedia - US Obscenity Law - About halfway down, there is a section on non image-based obscenity cases in the US. The first part of this section, which deals with the written word, is very enlightening about the differences between obscenity and erotica. Further down is a section about criticism of the laws which shows some of the gaps in the law where free speech lives. Continuing on, the section about censorship in schools and libraries explains the part CIPA (Children’s Internet Protection Act) plays in protecting minors from material that could be considered harmful to them.

Online Art Rights - Sexual Content - This site details the many attempts at limiting indecent material on the internet through the years. (Scroll down and click on the plus signs in the black bars to expand each section.) In each case cited, the court ruled that to ban all objectionable material would interfere with free speech because it would reduce all content to a level appropriate for children. They also concluded that since less restrictive means exist, such as user-controlled filters and the like, those tools can be used without reducing all discourse on the internet. The section on Child Pornography at the bottom might be of interest to anyone who writes Weecest smut, though.

The only possible exception that I think would affect the SPN fandom would be those who write Weecest smut. Child pornography seems to be the exception to every rule that protects free speech. Where every other depiction of a sex act might have a ‘but’ that makes it erotica (and therefore legal) instead of obscenity, child pornography in any medium is considered obscenity. Anything that even just looks like child porn is considered child porn, even if no children were a part of the making of it. This includes cartoons and CGI and adults made up to look like kids. If it’s advertised as children in a sexual situation, it’s child porn. So, I imagine it could extend to written erotica IF someone were to decide to push it.

Now, that’s a huge if. Someone would have to read it, object to it, and insist on prosecution for it. I think if that were going to happen, given 15 years of SPN fan fiction, it would have happened by now. But I would still keep my Weecest smut-free, or implied, or at least over the age of consent (which varies, so 18 is just easiest to use). 

Also, AO3 complies with the laws regarding filtering for minors. If you do not have an account, you are required to click through a step that tells you that you are about to view something explicit. That's really all that sites and such are required to do. Hence, Tumblr making you click through and view on dash blogs they mark as explicit.

@emilyshurley I think there might also be a sorta solution just to play it safe. I saw that people who make mods for games like Sims 4 and stuff have a page for terms of download. What that is is that if you click their masterlist it will take you to a post where they list their conditions and have the words "I agree" and link the actual masterlist to that. Now this might take a little effort but we could add something similar before our masterlists.

This is all legal stuff, not site-specific rules. Each site can implement their own decency rules and enforce them how they see fit. For example, Tumblr, as a company, can decide to delete your blog. (They’ve stopped doing this since The Purge, now just marking each blog explicit and making you click on a couple things to get to those blogs they deem explicit.) Should they choose to do this, it does not mean that you’re in trouble with the law.

Now, onto the fun stuff!

Q: What is the first thing you think of when someone asks you for advice about writing smut?

Ash: Word choice- don't make the reader cringe. It's easy to fall into that because smut can be graceful and tasteful if it's done right. And that starts with thinking through word choice and how the scene is flowing. It's not easy to write smut! I think a lot of non-writer readers do not realize that.

Note: During the chat, we created a Google Sheets spreadsheet, with two sheets in it, with lists of words to use to refer to different things when you’re writing smut. The first sheet is Good Words, and the second sheet is Bad Words. Everyone can enter words they like and don’t like on both sheets, and we’ll crowd-source this problem! Check it out and add your favorites!

Michelle: A smut scene takes ten times as long for me to write as anything else. Just keeping track of limbs is difficult! And clothing....sometimes, I just make them dry hump so I don't have to deal with removing all the clothing! Other times, it's just, "Somehow, you suddenly found yourself naked." Like, there's a million great ways to get characters naked, but if I'm tired, angels snap.

@fictionalabyss (Mel): I've read stuff where a position makes no sense and it ruins the whole thing for me. Michelle: I actually bought a couple of those posable dolls from IKEA. (IKEA - GESTALTA, Artist’s figure)  @babypieandwhiskey (Cam): I’ll have to use my daughter’s old Barbie dolls! I can keep track of both limbs and clothing!

Q: Ash, what are a few of the words that turn you off when you're reading smut?

Ash: It's usually words that sound so "romance novel"-ish to me. So "turgid member" is a good example. Please no one ever write that. Mel: Sometimes, keeping it simple is the safest and best bet. Ash: Absolutely, Mel! Sometimes we don't need all the extra words if we're showing the heat that's already there between them. 

[What followed was a long discussion of various terms you definitely should not use in serious smut. They’ve all been added to the spreadsheet linked above, so fee free to check it out.]

Michelle: EVERYONE has those words that squick them, and it's damn near impossible to write a smut scene that doesn't include a word that will squick someone out there. So, don't stress about what words you do or don't use, cuz there's always gonna be someone out there who doesn't like something. Just make sure YOU think what you're writing is hot. If you don't get warm under the collar from it, no one else will, either. Ash: I highly recommend everyone is reading their fics out loud to see how it all flows. You'll catch errors and weird words there too.

Q: Ash, how do you get in the frame of mind to write something you personally have never experienced? For example, certain kinks.

Ash: Whiskey? LOL No, I do a lot of research- google, porn, erotica. Trying something out in person helps too! But we're writing fiction. You can make a kink work for your scenario too.I mean, I've written a reader squirting after 5 minutes to move things along but we all know it takes longer usually. And that's the fun! I've never actually been with 2 dudes but I f-ing love writing it. @atc74 (Angelina): I've always said I don't need to kill someone to write a murder scene. Ash: Smut is all about having an open mind. It lets us and the readers be someone else. 

Question submitted earlier by @erins-culinary-service: I've wanted to try writing smut but never known exactly how to start and what words to use to describe everything. I've had sex so I know the sensations, positions, etc I'm just not sure how to write it all down any advice?

Ash: So sometimes I can't just start from "they kissed..." I start wherever I can see it best. So is it oral sex, or already doing it, I just jump in. And then I come back and fill it in. And I just write, no stopping once I get going. So the "cock into her hole" can be fixed later on my next edit. I just gotta get the idea out and then go back and make it hot. My smut is never hot in my first draft.  Michelle: I think that's what stops a lot of writers, is thinking they have to publish their first draft. Editing is totally a thing. Just get the ideas on paper, and then make them hot later. Ash: Oh yeah, I go through at least 3 drafts per fic. Plus my beta version. Yeah, no one is ever going to see your drafts so don't worry about starting somewhere, anywhere.  Michelle: And remember, practice practice practice - As with any writing, the more you write it, the easier it becomes. I wrote Third Wheel as a way to challenge myself with writing smut. Do a kink bingo or alphabet challenge. Just remember, you’re gonna write crap at the start, but crap makes good compost. Ash: Taking some time between edits is important too. It'll help you see different ways, AND you'll start having breakthroughs during the time away. Bingos are a great challenge that will help a writer grow.  Cam: Writing smut is like sex, you're first time is going to be awkward and things won't be perfect, but with practice it gets better. Mel: I have a series that shows even the millionth time having sex isn't perfect and can be all laughs 🤣. But yeah.

Question submitted earlier by @focusonspn: i wanted to know about ways and words to describe orgasms and how to approach the moment after it without being awkward or forced. some people say those are the easiest things to write, but somehow i always have a hard moment trying to write them.

Ash: Hmmmm, as for the moments after- that's understandable, it is hard because its a transition. I think it's doesn't have to be an extended part of it- unless they're about to have a talk or aftercare needs a scene, it can be as simple as "we drifted off to sleep." Michelle: As always, my advice is to read smut that other people write that you like, and take note of what they do. Mel: Someone can get up and get dressed and leave. They can play in the fluids. They can lay there catching their breaths for a moment. It can be simple. Sometimes it doesn't need a flourish and that flourish can make it seem forced. Michelle: I think it depends on what type of smut fic you're writing. Is it fluffy smut where they're all in LOVE and kissy and stuff? Or is it Soulless Sam and Demon Dean just getting down and dirty and claiming you for themselves? Or, Soulless Sam or Demon Dean just getting their rocks off and they don't give a shit? @emilyshurley (Emily): Also this might be my f*cked up brain but I think if someone is not comfortable with a lot of fluffy buildup to smut trying soulless!Sam or Demon!Dean could be a great start. You also have a little room to do a little out of character.  Michelle: We are blessed with a world that includes all types of characters and all types of situations, from curses (sex pollen, love potions, etc) to supernatural beings, to inspire and give us chances to write all kinds of smut. There are no limits to what you can do in Supernatural, so there are no limits to what we can write.  Ash: Yeah we can really make most kinks work in some way in the SPN worlds.  Emily: Also again with going out of character I read a captain America fic where it could have been a little out of character how he jumped straight to sex (someone commented that) but sex pollen made it work. So basically these tropes/kinks can also be good devices for writing NSFW fics to if you struggle to get the characters write in the beginning.

Other links mentioned:

Emily: I saw this advice list on Tumblr, so thought I should share it: List of Smut Writing Guides

Ash: This one, too: @smut-101′s Smut Tips Masterlist 

And last, but definitely not least...

Ash: Always, always, always write for you. Readers come and go but you have to be satisfied and proud of what you've written. And everyone should get so much credit for trying to write smut. It's difficult but its does get easier and more fun with practice!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

What we’ve got cooking up next: Not much, at the moment, since everyone is busy, so we’re just trying to keep up with the day-to-day at the moment! Our to do list is still long, though, and will not be neglected forever!

Reminders:

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work!  IF YOU HAVE SENT IN A NOMINATION, BUT HAVE NOT RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE CONFIRMING WE RECEIVED IT, WE DIDN’T GET IT. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

Say hi to September’s New Members!

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the Skype chat room/discord general channel and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

We don’t have a topic or speaker set up for November’s event, yet, so if there’s something you want to talk about, or someone you want to talk to, LET US KNOW!

[treeandcarter]

i gOT THE DIGITAL DOWNLOAD I OFFICIALLY OWN HDD2U AND ALL THE SPECIAL FEATURES

i’m gonna ramble about the special features so do not read if you don’t wanna know what goes down. honestly, you probably don’t even want to read this because it is senseless rambling i just had nowhere else to put it.

deleted scene

okay so the deleted scene as i suspected was boring it was just tree at the hospital hiding from a cop and then a doctor foreshadows the magnet that she uses to kill gregory. it was probably ok for them to leave that out tbh, but it was cute to see tree sneaking around in the hospital like a sneaky sneak

gag reel

OKSY BUT THE GAG REEL first of all this cast is adorable but like,,, israel and jessica literally want me dead. there’s a blooper of the scene where they’re in the caf and israel says “we just have to find the safest possible place and wait it out there” and then jessica goes “okay but can we make out?” and they pretend to kiss and israel goes “well my dorm is pretty comfy...” and they pretend to kiss again

and then there’s like 10 seconds of israel listing places they could go and it’s so funny he says “becky’s house” for one of them

there’s like a bunch of clips of jessica shoving the notebook paper into her mouth lmao

and i am literally dead at this there’s a clip that’s just israel and jessica making out it’s from the final kiss scene but this is like really kissing and then they both laugh at the end, and later one they show more of it and they’re still laughing about it. idk what’s so funny about them kissing but it looks like tree and carter kissing so i am Pleased with it. honestly any mention of tree/carter in any special feature is A-OK by me

web of love: tree’s nightmare

basically just talks about how danielle and carter are dating and how angry tree is about it. there’s a take where she full on shrieks when danielle and carter kiss for the first time lmao. there’s a talking head where israel says “in this other dimension carter still has this undeniable attraction for tree” and “we definitely want carter and tree to reunite and come together” This kills the man.

never ending birthday

just christopher and everyone else talking about how the sequel comes together and it talks about tree’s story arc. there’s a talking head where phi goes “man she’s really going through a lot. i just realized that” and the casual way he says it is so fucking funny i’ve been laughing for 5 minutes

“the love between tree and carter is bigger and more heartbreaking than ever”

multiverse 101

this just gave an overview of the two dimensions and how the time loop was created. there’s no behind the scenes footage or anything. it focuses on tree’s decision to stay in the new dimension or go home (the clip it uses for going back is her and carter kissing at the end of the first movie and it’s hella cute)

overall the special features are really short and pretty lighthearted and they don’t really provide any new or groundbreaking information/footage. but they’re so cute and the cast and crew are so fun to watch and i just love hearing them talk about the movie because you can tell how much they all loved making it together. also jessica and israel kissing in the gag reel actually killed me so i’m technically dead now thanks.

[kimmysfandomblog]

idk if komanami is one of your otps, but komanami and q3? im curious (eyes emoji)

Thanks for the ask, hakai!!!☺ an anon also asked me the same question! Unfortunately I accidentally deleted the ask qq

 (under the cut for length and those people who wanted to avoid komanami (I don’t want my asks in the main tags so I am also adding a link here to prevent that hopefully

I never really talk about KomaNami, because whenever I do, somehow and somewhere, I find resistance ^^; It is one of those controversial ships, mostly because it is one of the “popular” Komaeda×(girl) ships that people don’t like others shipping. But yes, KomaNami is one of my OTPs! I love them dearly, but am too afraid of expressing myself more openly. Hopefully that changes this next spring! I want to create a KomaNami event.

3. What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?

I really want a DR3 AU, honestly. I do think they should have been much better friends than they were in canon. Like, in DR3 in particular, that set-up was right there… two students who outcast themselves from a chaotic classroom, and Nanami and Komaeda sharing a love for games and silence.

Nanami joins in the class, but struggling because they reject Komaeda, who is the friend she had before warming up to the class. She and him always pairing up for class activities because she refuses to leave him alone, and the feeling start to stir. She still feels awkward about how he talks about hope and they challenge each other’s ideals, but in the end, the only thing they want is to help each other. There’s also this struggle that she wants him to be accepted by the class, but neither he nor the rest of the class want that, so she’s stressed about that and organized more class activities so that at least she and Komaeda can still hang out and have fun “with” the class.

Whether it is romantic or platonic, I want her and Komaeda to be important to each other so that it makes sense that Komaeda falls to despair. It could be just the two of them at the end trying to figure out why the class is spread out, and even Miss Yukizome is acting weird, so they use class time to investigate and come across Junko. Junko finds Nanami to be just as resilient as Naegi with that optimism and decides to use her to get to Komaeda, who may be a “hope fanboy” but is already on the brink of despair with all the tragedy in his life. Using her typically means death/torture anyways. She probably has it be an execution for Chiaki Nanami and Komaeda’s Hope because she dredges up all of the past tragedies and extrapolates on future ones, and that she feeds Komaeda with the lie that Despair will bring a brighter Future as Nanami is being executed/becomes nonresponsive.

I even think a DR2 AU is necessary. Nanami in DR2 is annoyed at, and avoidant of Komaeda. That makes no sense for an AI programmed to create safety and observe the class to be avoidant of the “most dangerous” individual. I want her to always be following him and Hinata. With Hinata, it makes more sense since he is the main pillar in the trials and lost of them want to hang around him, since he is the safest. It is harder to justify hanging out with Komaeda. I think that it would start by her leaving food for Komaeda while he is captured without him noticing (whenever he is unconscious) but she struggles with finding food/drinks that won’t just spill/make a mess. He catches her finally and he really unsettles her, but as long as neither of them tell (and she doesn’t explain how she knows he was captured), she no longer has to be as secretive to him and feeds him (much to his embarrassment and resistance, but she hardly understands why). It becomes a habit that she gravitates toward him while there is free time since Hinata just goes to whoever (Komaeda makes it easy by mostly choosing the library while the others are on the first island/the fourth island). I would like to think she overhears Komaeda talking to Hinata about his life and, while still wary of him, isn’t quite as emotionally distant and is more open to working with him on the third case, even if he is still annoying to work with what with him having a bit of liars disease in him. Speaking of which, it is weird that she chooses not to stay at the hospital, so I would probably have her join Hinata, Kuzuryuu, and Tsumiki, and she would end up spending time at each place like Hinata, visiting each room. And in CH4, nothing really changes except that she is somewhat in the same area as Komaeda during free time. After Komaeda blows up at them in CH4 and the trial, I think that by breaking into Monomi’s house and stealing her diary, he figures out it is Chiaki rather easily since she mentions he had been captured before Souda and Nidai let it slip and she may casually mention him at the library a few times. He confronts her about it, but she remains unwilling to cooperate, so he takes things in his own hands once more. And that would be the end of their canon AU interaction.

Something that I really would want in post-canon is that they recover Chiaki and she checks up on everybody, including Komaeda. If she were to get a robot body, I want her to hang out with Hinata and Komaeda mostly XD Of course, she still hangs out with the others, but she would have spent most of her time looking after those two.

—

Ok, so canon rewrite is probably not following the way the question was meant to be answered, and I kinda owe one more response to anon anyways, so here’s a trope!I really like the idea of a Hanahaki AU for KomaNami! I would like to imagine it going with mutual pining, but I can definitely see it as Komaeda suffering because of unreturned feelings for Hinata, and Nanami for unreturned feelings for Komaeda. Komaeda initially thought he only doomed himself, but to doom Nanami as well makes him, well, despair. And I could see three endings here. One would be where he can’t force the feelings because he genuinely doesn’t like Nanami romantically at all, but she’s his friends and he hates she suffers and wishes she would just get the surgery, but she dies first and then Hinata turns out reciprocating his feelings, letting Komaeda live, but they are both grieving over Nanami and blame themselves for her death. Another would be that he does actually like her, but not as much as Hinata. He had decided, for her sake, to get the surgery since she refuses to, and the two don’t regret it (well, Nanami does since he basically forced himself to not love Hinata, but he reminds her that he does love her, and it’s only grown since then). Actually, this could still turn into a tragedy where he convinces himself he loves Nanami and can save her by removing feelings he has for Hinata, but all for naught because she feels it disgenuine OR he actually never had feelings anyways and she passes away. The final one is that Nanami only thinks his disease is because he like Hinata, when it’s really mutual pining, and this could go two ways of they realize it too late, or they both realize it together and are equally embarrassed about the situation XD. Oh yeah and my KomaHinaNami heart has this as a three-way where Hinata is involved too and they all get together and are happy XD self indulgence is a key factor lol

[theguidetogaycruising]

The State of Affairs on Gay Cruising in America

Cruising in public, at least in America, can be a fun and spontaneous way to spice up your own sex life, as well as find new and exciting sex partners. The history of cruising in America is as old and rich of a history as America itself. Before social media existed, men had to figure out ways in which to meet up for sex partners, and this sprouted up organically. It is fascinating to know how men used to find each other in the age before internet.

Unfortunately, in America cruising has become criminalized, as we often allow our American values to lead the way as a Puritanical society, instead of a sex-positive, sex-healthy society. Public complaints and police crackdowns have limited the amount of cruising that occurs. Even in the most liberal of cities, gay men, obscured in dark shadows and away from the eyes of the general public, can still be arrested and charged with indecency.  Newly gentrified areas often see their hipsters pushing out the debauchery and sexual nature of their neighborhood. Why do we, as comfortable, consenting gay-bi-questioning adults, feel that it should be OK to accept this treatment?  Why have we allowed conservative adults lead the way on rules that inhibit our enjoyment of sex? The more we reduce our avenues for potential meetings, the more we end up being closeted and fearful individuals, only interacting behind the gay app screen.

Now, for those of you who may say “I don’t want to see anyone, straight or gay, have sex in public”; let’s examine that. How many cases of indecent exposure have you heard of by straight adults; how many of these same adults have been put on a sex offender list for consenting activity? A couple fooling around at a beach alcove or in their car is still seen as innocent, while a gay man doing the same thing is seen as perverted and criminal.

Listed on Cruisingforsex.com is hundreds of venues that are featured on the “head’s up” area. A “heads up” is an indicator that police have questioned or arrested individuals in places where consenting men meet. For many of these areas, they are being arrested in places where gay men are known to meet, far away from public eyes. Whether it’s the dark shadows of an adult bookstore, or paid private event at a gay bar...we have been allowing a segment of the public to dictate the rules in our own house.

It’s far past due to take charge of the situation. For many of us, we have chosen some new avenues to cruise, and new rules to cruise by. Others have taken the safest approach, which is private venues. Whether it’s a new private backyard sex party popping up, a gay campground, or organized gay gathering, men who enjoy the allure of spontaneous sex are still having their outlets met. Unfortunately, I cannot call any private venue as “safe”,  since law enforcement finds new ways every day to encroach on our territory. 

Cruising, even with the risks, is certainly not dead. Men, even younger in age, are continuing on the tradition. These men are becoming frustrated with social media and rehearsed interactions on dating apps, a constant effort that they have become bored by, knowing their meetings are much more rehearsed and predictable. Because of this, I have strong faith that cruising will continue, and if we see it as a natural, interactive activity with safety in mind, cruising should not be considered a dirty and criminal word in our terminology. There are some places where cruising is still well-known and generally accepted even with complaints, and thankfully that activity continues on.

With that being said, always follow the basic rules of cruising:

1). Be safe - play with safety in mind. Safety includes watching out for those that may not approve of your activity.

2). Be private-focused:  Know that not everyone does want to see your personal activity. Openly fondling yourself in areas of the general public is not acceptable. Find ways to ‘meet and lead’;  find your partner and then take it towards a less visible location.

3). Don’t be an aggressor - an aggressor, someone who touches someone unwillingly or stalks another individual, is indeed criminal activity.

4). You can’t have fun if you don’t show up - Become involved and educated! Even if you are casually interested in cruising, go to the many locations that you might end up finding a suitable partner. You can find these venues on squirt.org or cruisingforsex.com, as well as other helpful tips and information on those web pages.

Enjoy cruising, and post your constructive thoughts below!  Anything negative will be deleted.

#cruisingforsex

#gaycruising

#sexinpublic

[kazosa]

Secrets - SoA: Chapter 6

Summary: Reader has lived in a life full of secrets. When her father dies unexpectedly and sends her on a trip all over the country, she finds out just how much like her father she really is. The end of her trip brings her to Charming, CA where she finally gets some big pieces of her family puzzle put back in place and form new relationships with the people there. Chapter 6: Final files on the family including Chibs Warnings: language, mentions of rape and abuse A/N: If it wasn’t clear before, this takes place after the events of the final episode, so SPOILERS – I don’t write smut soooo, sorry, not sorry Word Count: 3242 Tags: @telford-ortiz-teller  @sam-samcro  @tstieff  @yourcroweater  @kacilove26  @hiddlelove  @evilsorceress  @reallynigga21

IF YOU WISH TO BE TAGGED, PLEASE LET ME KNOW IN SOME WAY. ASK BOX IS SAFEST WAY, BUT I DO TRY TO LOOK AT ALL COMMENTS AND REBLOGS. COMMENTS WELCOME! Secrets Masterlist

March 16 – Evening – Chibs’ place There was no more avoiding the files. You thought about waiting until the weekend to open them, but you’d be at the party with Chibs and as a friend of the club. It seemed like a good idea to have the full picture before the party.

You told Chibs you were going to look at the files as you got out your laptop. For a moment, he looked like he might say something, instead, he remained silent and merely nodded. He busied himself in the kitchenette cleaning up from dinner while you settled into one of the armchairs.

You had seen how thorough your dad and Jack had been in previous documents and Filip “Chibs” Telford’s file was no different except for one thing, there was a letter from your dad for Chibs.

“There’s a letter for you.” You turned in the chair to look at him. He had his back to you, but the worry was rolling off of him in waves. “Do you want to read it now or later?”

“Later,” his voice was so low you almost didn’t hear him. The pots clunked as he almost threw them into the stainless-steel sink.

Double-clicking on Chibs’ file, you took a deep breath and prepared yourself for what you might find in there. The other files had been just what was public record and things your dad could remember. He had gotten into much more detail with Chibs file and had included information that occurred before he joined the Redwood charter. You finally learned who Kerrianne is, and by the time Chibs had finished cleaning up the kitchenette, you knew who Fiona and Jimmy O’Phelan were, too.

He got out two glasses and poured them both a Sailor and Coke. She was still in the chair reading, so that was a good sign, hadn’t scared her so bad to make her run... He went to her side, brushing her shoulder with the backside of his hand. She looked up at him and was grateful to not see hate brimming up inside. Taking the offered glass, she took a sip and put the glass on the table between the two chairs. He stepped over to the unoccupied chair and eased himself down into it.

Had it really only been three days since she walked into the office and captured his heart? Logic told him that love at first sight was bullshit. His Scottish, romantic heart told him otherwise. The moment he saw her, he was speechless. There wasn’t any one thing that he could put his finger on that made sense as to why. He just saw his other half walk in and his soul knew it.

He tried to tell himself that he was just infatuated with her because of the mystery surrounding her. She’d just appeared in his shop and he’d been taken with her. He couldn’t put his finger on any one thing that made sense. He hoped once she was done with the job she came here for, she would stay, maybe be his old lady. It had been nice coming home to her every night, not so lonely.

He watched her as she intently read the file that he could only assume had his whole life in it. When he’d handed her the drink, he saw a picture of Jimmy O and Fi. (Y|N) didn’t even bat an eye, barely even looked up. It bothered him a little bit that Bud had so much information on everyone, but (Y|N) also had the right to know what her da had been through, too. He’d ask her to delete them when she was done reading. In the meantime, he’d just sit and drink his rum while she read.

Chibs had situated himself in the corner of the chair, leg over the arm, head propped in the corner. You got through it all, the bombing, the blackmail, the death of Padraic, his time in Stockton for gunning down a Niner, losing Opie, losing everyone… and finally, gaining the club presidency. It was a lot to process. So much had happened in the last ten years, but the pieces were finally falling into place.

The part about Fiona and Jimmy stuck out, mostly because Jimmy’s body was found on a barely used highway, nothing for miles and miles. He’d been stabbed and his face mutilated. The police report said he had died in an “escape attempt,” but you knew better.

“Did you do it?” you asked Chibs. Turning in your own chair, you found his already dark eyes, almost completely black, his face lacking expression. “Did you kill that bastard, Jimmy O’Phelan?”

This time, he raised an eyebrow at your blunt question. It came out more as a breath than a spoken word, but you heard him say, “Aye.”

“Good,” you said with finality.

His expression barely changed as he continued to stare at you. You felt like you needed to explain.

“That piece of shit cut you, took your wife and child, excommunicated you from the IRA, forced you to leave Ireland, basically turned your life to shit. He deserved a lot worse than what he got, the prick.”

God, she’s great.

“Are you still in love with Fiona?” you asked.

He shook his head. “Love her, yes. IN love with her, no.”

“Are you still married to her?” you asked.

He shook his head ever so slightly. “After Jimmy, she filed the papers. I signed them.”

You nodded. You understood that. It was possible to love someone and not be IN love with them, too. Hell, you’d almost gotten married. You loved Tom, but you weren’t in love with him. He’d tried to change your mind, but you knew you’d made the right decision. You were glad you made the right decision, too. Falling hard for Chibs from the moment you saw him was more than a little unexpected.

And even though your moral compass didn’t really have a ‘true north,’ it was a bit of a relief that he wasn’t married anymore.

He sat in the chair next to you, no doubt wishing you weren’t reading about him, but sitting silently while you read nonetheless. He wanted you to know, and he hated it, hated you knowing what was in there, the things he’d done...

“I stole cars, almost every day for two years when I was in high school. I was good, too,” you began. “No evidence left behind, only damaged one car. I got caught a grand total of two times. Cops could never pin anything on me except the first one I boosted and the one I wrecked. In the army, I stole every goddamned thing I could get my hands on,” you confided. “It was enough to get me put in Leavenworth. I don’t know if they knew it was happening or not. I don’t think so. My point is, I don’t want you to think I’m a princess up in an ivory tower. Twice I should have been put in prison, and not some bullshit 18-month stints. Like, full extent of the law shit.”

“Are ye still doin’ illegal shite, lass?” he asked quietly. “Are ye going to, and is it going to come back on the club?”

You shook your head.

“Then I don’t give a damn about yer past,” he said. “It doesn’t change who ye are ta me right now.”

“So, you understand why your past doesn’t bother me?”

He took a shaky breath and rubbed his hand over his face. Chibs held out his hand to you. You took it and he pulled you toward him. You looked down at the handsome Scot.

“I need ye, lass,” he whispered.

It was such a simple thing to say, but it meant so much to you. He moved so you could sit on his lap and put your arm around his shoulders. He put his arms around your waist and held you tight.

“It’s all in there, Chibs, and I don’t care. The man I see is a good man. A man that does what he thinks is right and acts with in his own code of justice. I might be wrong and you can tell me so, but I don’t think that I am. I got the ability to read people from my dad, and you know he was damn good at it.” His head was resting just above your collar bone and his breath was tickling your skin.

“I don’ know what I did to deserve ye, lass, but I’m grateful for ye,” he said.

You looked down at his handsome face and kissed him tenderly. You knew you were falling for him. Everything about him just fit with you. Honestly, you felt like you were the one who was grateful. No one had ever treated you as well as Filip had and you’d only known him for a few days. God, was it really only that little amount of time? You felt like you had known him all your life.

“I need you, too, Filip,” you confided.

Taking a big drink of your rum and coke, you handed the rest to Chibs. There was still the letter and the files on your parents to get through. You were gonna need more to drink for that. When Chibs downed the last of your glass, you looked down at his handsome face, appreciating the odd turn of events that brought you to him. You pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen on his face.

“You’ve had to be strong a long time,” your hand caressed his cheek.

“Aye,” he breathed out, the rum smell on his breath. His hand covered yours. He kissed the palm of your hand and let go. “I see why ye like the rum, lass, it’s a kick in the arse.”

You got up from his lap and grabbed the other empty glass to refill them both. You poured yours heavy on the rum, Chibs’ glass was lighter, since he’d already had more than you. You’d put off reading about your parents for a reason, it scared the hell out of you. What was so bad that they had to move away from Charming? Why keep you from your extended family? Why hide EVERYTHING? You heard Chibs come up behind you in the kitchen.

“Best ta get it over wi’, lass. The not knowin’ is wearin’ on ye,” he said quietly.

It was true. You could stand to read all of the terrible things the Sons had done because you didn’t really know any of them. Even so, you could see the reasoning behind everything they did and understood most of the reasoning behind their actions. Chibs had been filling you in as your questions came up. The club had been a mess for a long time, even as far back as your dad’s membership.

“C’mon, lass. I’ll read it with ye,” he said taking his glass and your hand. “We’ll get through it together.”

He brought the back of your hand to his mouth, kissing it.

Your heart fluttered as his lips pressed against your hand. You could definitely get used to him and his ways. He put his arm around your shoulders and led you to the bedroom. You changed your clothes while he went to grab your computer. You were just pulling on his SAMCRO t-shirt when you realized he’d come back already.

He’d never thought of himself as a lucky man. Life had always been hard, nothing ever came easy to him. There were a few spots where he’d had happiness, like Kerrianne… and Fi… but the bad, the hard, had far outweighed the good. He knew that the happiness he was feeling with (Y|N) wouldn’t last. He just wanted to make the most of the time he did have with her, so when the hard times came around, like they always did, he could have something to remember with fondness. She would leave, they all did, it was just a matter of time. Her life wasn’t in Charming, it was in Iowa. He had no claim to her… but he wanted to…

It wasn’t going to be easy, even for him, to go through the file for her parents. She’d get through it though, he could already tell when she had her mind set on something, she was going to do it. She was like her da that way. Wouldn’t stop for anything once he made up his mind. After all, she rode around the country for almost a year because her da wanted her to do it. Not knowing who her parents really were was driving her crazy. She said she wanted to understand the club first before reading about them. He saw her logic behind it, but he could also see she was stalling. She sensed whatever was in there was bad and she wasn’t wrong.

He grabbed her laptop from where she’d stashed it and went back to the bedroom. When he got to the door, she was standing in the room, naked except for some underwear with pink polka dots. She leaned slightly to pick up the shirt…He couldn’t help but stare. She didn’t realize how beautiful she was. He suspected that she didn’t think so, that was something he wanted to change. He’d tell her every day for the rest of his life if she’d let him.

(Y|N) turned and noticed him watching her, the shirt falling down around her hips, snapping him out of his trance.

“What are you staring at?” her voice was somewhat accusatory.

“My god, you’re beautiful,” he heard himself say. Jeaysus, get it together Chibs, he told himself.

“Yeah right,” she said, smirking.

He set the laptop on the dresser nearby and slowly crossed the room to her. She didn’t look away. An expression of disbelief stayed in place.

“I may be old and worn out, but my eyes work just fine, lass,” he said. Cupping her cheeks in his hands, he leaned down and kissed her softly, lovingly. Her hands came up to rest on his.

He wanted to make love to her, but stopped himself, resting his forehead on hers.

“You need to get it over with, mo ghol,” he barely uttered.

Her eyes still closed, she sighed heavily and nodded against him.

“Yeah, let’s do this,” she said, breaking away and reaching for her rum and coke.

You took a drink then climbed in the bed and Chibs handed you the laptop. He undressed and got under the covers next to you as the computer restarted.

The file held all of the mundane facts of your parents lives. Your dad was a money genius, your mom was a wild girl that tamed her wild old man, both of whom you saw in yourself. You found out that your tee-totaling mother had been arrested for public intoxication. Your dad had been a suspected car thief and, much like you, they could never pin anything on him. Your dad had set up all kinds of laundering outfits and ways of cutting corners by bending the law to keep as much money in the club as possible. He even had a gambling book set up, which had done well for several years until one dumbass ruined it and talked to the wrong person. The cops got onto the book and they’d had to shut it down. Chibs had a few stories about the visits your dad would make to California each year. He even had some about your mother.

“I didn’t even know she came out here,” you told him.

“What did ye think she was doing on those girls’ weekends?” he snickered when he saw your reaction. “And ye thought it was your da where ye got your lying skills.”

“The man could lay down an impressive line of bullshit,” you defended your assumption.

“Guess we’re all decent criminals, eh?”

The last part finally came up. The big one. The one that held the last missing piece, the last big secret. A video file came up. Your dad’s face suddenly appeared. It had to have been right before he died.

He began with saying that it happened in the summer of ’83 when he was running nomad. The rival club, the Mayans, sometimes took part in the lucrative book, especially Marcus Alvarez’s brother Robert. Marcus wasn’t president then, but he was still in the hierarchy. Robert was a pest and was constantly making bad bets with your dad’s book. Debts he couldn’t pay. Your dad also mentioned that Robert had been stalking your mother while your dad was out nomad. He’d taken a liking to her especially when he saw her as a pawn to get at your dad.

Robert was filled with hatred for your father and obsessive jealousy for your mother. It was when your dad was out on a run that Robert broke into the house, beat and raped your mother. In a very matter of fact way, your dad flat out said, “I killed the bastard and I’m not sorry. I’d bring him back to life if I could and kill him again.”

John had thought that after that incident, the club would have to let him leave. Your mother had been begging him to let your dad out of the club for months anyway. Your dad suspected that if the Mayans didn’t know who had done it, Marcus, at the very least, had an inkling who had done the work. As soon as your mother had recovered enough, the family packed up and moved to Iowa. John worked it out so that your dad could go back to California once a year for taxes and one other time as needed. He would continue to earn money for the club and everyone at the club would do whatever they could to protect the family, which wasn’t much.

He thought she might throw the laptop. Instead, she deleted the file and all of the others but the letter. Then she did something to the computer that he didn’t understand. Over her shoulder she mumbled something that sounded like “scrubbing.” When she was done, she did toss it to the foot of the bed and leaned back on his chest.

“No wonder she is the way she is,” she mumbled, “I’ve been terrible to her Chibs.”

“Yer ma can take it lass. Hell, she probably deserved it. She’s a strong woman,” he consoled her.

A few quiet moments passed and he knew she was tearing herself apart inside, analyzing everything she’d ever done. He just sat there with his arm around her until she was ready to talk again.

“What’s going to happen?” she asked.

There were a lot more questions sewn into that one simple one.

“Nothin’, love. No one will lay a hand to ye, not as long as yer with me. I spoke to Marcus that first full day you were here. Robert was his brother, but he was nothing but trouble for Marcus. He suspected what his brother did, some of the other Mayans filled him in, and he was actually glad Bud did the hard part for him. No retaliation from him or the Mayans,” he said softly.

They settled in for the night, turning off the lights. (Y|N) sought comfort in his arms and he was all to happy to give it. The letter from Bud would have to wait…

A/N: sorry this took so long... it was harder than I thought... hope it was worth the wait!

[wrongeddeadthenevermourned]

Character Development Asks: Whump Edition

- Who is the first person your character calls for help when they’re too sick to cope on their own?

The only person Kai has ever called out for was basically NO one because he relies on himself alone, don’t fool yourself lol. He trusts NO one. As much as no one trusts him.

- Who would be the first to notice that your character is hurt? Who would be the first to make it to their side?

Kai would notice he’s hurt first. Only time anyone else has ever noticed he was hurt, is if it had benefited them. Look at the episode where Olivia fucking stabs him right through his entire midsection for your clue in.

- Who would your character take a beating for?

Bonnie. Mister Kai “I was stabbed through the entire middle of my body, but I am going to save Bonnie so she can stop suffering the same shit I went through, not that anyone cares about that part but at least I am helping to save Bonnie.” Parker.

- What injury or sickness would be enough to make your character break down crying?

Look, Kai hasn’t cried since he was a fucking child. Not realistically, -Pushes the scene where he’s explaining Luke’s feelings and his apparently bawling somewhere in private, away- Since his merge with Luke is glossed over, let’s talk about it for a minute. He finally was able to feel all the hurt and pain he brought everyone and that hit him, fucking hard, right in his psyche. But he viewed the entire event, as, basically silly. So he glosses over it and no one else asks him any further about it. Because I guess Luke’s feelings no longer matter? Or Kai’s new found feelings, don’t matter. Fuck Kai, amiright?! -Rolls eyes- I’m sure he has also had a bit of a cry session over just being sick because of the Merge with Luke and vomiting up blood, must have been painful. Is sure as hell looked a little like it was. Could of also been the damage from being STABBED IN THE STOMACH.

- What injury or sickness would your character be most squeamish about?

None. He has not ability to process the realizations of such things in front of him. To him they are ‘normal’ occurrences. Perhaps because of his childhood of abuse.

- What injury or sickness would traumatize your character most if it happened?

Probably the fact that he’s a sociopath and as he was growing up and becoming one he was starting to recognize the numbness to life and others around him. Which might have been pretty terrifying to realize something you had once felt, you can no longer feel without dissolving into another phase of being or being so filled with rage because of what has made him so numb and lead to his sociopathic nature traumatized him in the first place.

- Where is the most vulnerable spot on your character’s body?

Probably his torso. I mean, how many times is someone going to stop him like that. Or his neck. Beheading him usually stops him. lol.

- Where are your character’s ugliest scars?

Probably on his torso. Though he canonically can’t scar anymore. I however wish to keep the damage done to him in some form. So there IS scaring. So his most ugliest scars are the ones from when he has tried to kill himself and where others have tried to kill him/killed him. There’s a thin line to the left of his neck and scratching/tearing to the right. His stomach has a light hole in the sternum from the pick axe, a small sliver on his back from Olivia, another sliver in his right back side and right leg and such from Bonnie attacking him. A gunshot scar in his right front side of his torso, well, several. Teeth marks around the sword scar of his neck on his left side. Faint cut scars on the left side of his forehead, near the hairline. Another faint stab scar just above the one created by the sword. Some faint scars along his arms and other spots of random impact damage to the body. Re-healed cracks in his bones. All these have remained, for something to reflect on in threads.

- Where is your character most comfortable when they’re recovering from an injury?

Pfft, Probably Prison World to be honest, at least he’s safest there. Even if Alaric sends some rotten teenagers there and probably got killed a few times before manipulating the dumb fuckers into aligning with him. Dumbasses.

- When sick or injured, how long does it take for others to convince your character to be treated?

No one cares if Kai is injured. Kai doesn’t even really care when he’s injured. Well, maybe a tiny bit, but he will also just brush it off. Like when Olivia stabbed him, and he decided “ I have a hole in my entire mid section. But let’s bring Bonnie HOME~ Quickly, yeah?” Before almost dying. Who knows what happened after THAT moment. I can speculate that ones drinking Damon’s blood and him helping them they told him to scoot and he left to go hide in a bush for a while. Because TVD didn’t really do anything with him after that for a while.

- When would your character finally admit that they’re under the weather? Do they beat around the bush or say it outright?

Kai ran to Josette for help, despite her clearly not being amused with him. And feeling ill anyway. He still felt/knew, he needed her then when he was vomiting up blood. Of course this was also followed by her throwing him at a wall, and him even confessing that he needed her around. As well, he was no longer a threat to anyone at that time. But still, this is probably the best instant of his finally relenting and going to someone for his needs. And they deleted most of that fucking scene. The dirty bastards.

- When faced with a situation that is guaranteed to get them hurt, does your character hesitate or rush headlong into it anyway?

Kai rushes in headlong, I am fairly certain of this. Because when Kai wants something, he will literally kill himself to get it if he has to. Again we can go back to Bonnie being saved by Kai. Or Kai most recently ‘fighting’ Hope in order to find something. Then as Alaric came to chop his god damn head off he looked so ...blase about it. Death doesn’t scare him. But you gotta ask the question as to why. The why is because he spent eighteen years committing suicide and GOD knows how many times he might have done it in the other prison.

- How quickly would your character break under torture?

He probably has a very high tolerance to any such tactic after spending most of his life in isolation. Which is the most torturous thing that can realistically be done to another human being without physically or mentally assaulting them, but is just as detrimental to the psyche of a person. Add on perhaps twenty two years of whatever in the fuck Joshua and the other members of the coven and his family might have added to. There’s clearly nothing anyone can do to Break Kai, unless other measure’s were taken first. Kai is literally the greatest stronghold. His metaphorical walls are absolutely formidable. Nothing really gets in, and nothing really gets out. He’ll literally just laugh at any attempt, or manipulate you.

- How well would your character serve as a caretaker to someone who is sick or injured? How good is their bedside manner?

Hmm, well, When Kai and Bonnie were trapped in the Prison World. Despite the fact that Kai was doing it for a reason. He was very hospitable to her. Had she not been fucking hostile and stupid, he might have even taken her out with him. But hey, it’s whatever. Kai made her food, served it to her, unpoisoned. Tried to have conversation with her. Even helped to fix the ascendant with her. He kept her in his company, despite his well being over having such, himself. Even if there was an ulterior motive underneath all of it, getting out of the Prison World. He also didn’t have to GO that far. Since he never even needed her to get out in the first god damn place, despite her blood. Which he had just been dripping all over the damn place. It could even be argued that he was dragging it all out, to be more agonizing toward her.

But nah, I think he just was wanting to enjoy the company, and despite his other plans, because clearly the woman was hostile and he definitely is smart enough to see she would screw him over again, he still hung around the entire time. Trying to provide his version of comfort with a nice home cooked meal, he made, for her. On his favorite holiday. THANKSGIVING! - throws up hands- The villain has a better heart than the main characters and his entire family and it’s just glossed over because he killed a few family members who are probably just as terrible as Joshua themselves AND on top of that the rest of the entire main cast, who even WHILE THIS WAS GOING ON, one of them was out going on some murder spree venture because he wanted to. #KaiDeservesTheBestRedemptionArcAU, lol.

- How much pain would it take for your character to lose consciousness? Is it a slow fade or a sudden plunge into darkness?

Well it’s a little bit of both. Depending on where you stab him. Sometimes he’s just very chill where he’s injured, despite blood loss or injury to the head he’s very mellow.  Or if you put and axe in his sternum, he passes out almost instantly and dies. Huh. Funny, that.

- Does your character ever hide their injuries or try to treat them on their own? Why do they think they have to do this?

Kai doesn’t hide his injuries. They are just ignored and so he is able to go about bleeding all over everyone’s property as he please. Because fuck you and your fancy ass couch, Damon. You like you wood floors? Well fuck those too. Kai generally will provide aid to himself and why he thinks he has to do that is because no one else cares if he’s hurt. They literally shot him in the shoulder with an arrow one time, and instead of patching that up, put him in a coma in the fucking kitchen or wherever, where someone tried to kill him. But was stopped because he was ‘needed’ like, don’t fucking touch me. Who the fuck do any of these characters think they are? Break all their neck Kai, damn...lol.

- Does your character ever exaggerate their injuries to get more sympathy or affection? Does their caretaker fall for it?

No, Kai doesn’t exaggerate much things like this. For he even understands when it’s serious. Despite his playfulness. He still will run to family when he’s vomiting up blood, first, for help. He couldn’t care less about what they feel about it. Because he expects nothing, and honestly gets nothing. In the deleted scene that is essential to his ‘growth’ in character. We see him finally pull down the veil, in front of Josette. Where she then accuses him of being a liar and then proceeds to throw him into a wall. He doesn’t want, or need no sympathy from any of these people. And he learned from a very young age to not need it from these people.

- Does your character blame themself when someone they care about is hurt?

Fuck no. Perhaps in his earliest childhood, he didn’t like when others had been hurt. It is important to understand that Kai, as a child, was very different from Kai as an adult, the result of life long abuse who finally snapped when he was twenty two. As a boy I am sure he was much more receptive to other peoples injuries. Say if Josette had fallen and scrapped her knee, he more than likely would have been on the front line to see to it that the injury was fixed. Kai as an adult stabs her, while she pregnant and kills her. The gravity of differences is that Josette has contributed to the same abuse that resulted in his fracture. Josette is no longer ‘needing’ protection from harm. She to him has no become the harmer. And so to had every other single family member he had killed prior. Kai HAD loved them all, at one point. Then the dam broke, and instead of seeing the people he loved. He saw the people in his way, the people who abused him. So he doesn’t blame himself for murdering them, or bringing them harm. Because to him, they were just as happy to let him die, to let him suffer, as he was to be rid of them. To finally be free, and allowed to live.

- Could your character stay still long enough for an injury to heal or do they try to go about their business despite it?

Kai may not plan things precisely. So when they do fall apart and he is injured and if he were offered help in healing, he will take it. He’s not that ungrateful. He’s willing to play along to get what he needs, when it is needed. However, in the event that no one offers him to heal or he is injured while in the ‘thick’ of whatever he’s doing, he will just keep going on, business as usual like, because he has things he needs to do and that matter more to him than self care, usually.

- Could your character push through an injury long enough to complete a vital task or mission?

Oh definitely. He absolutely is a glutton for pain, and will keep persisting till he is killed off or done with what he had needed to do, or eliminated the threat.

- Could your character find the strength/willpower to survive what could be a fatal wound?

Yes. Definitely. After all, he was stabbed by Olivia, while still human, and willed himself through that, full knowing he could die. Even saying as much to everyone else, but decided to help them regardless because Kai, with Luke’s empathy of course, Not entirely BECAUSE of it, did want to be close to those people. And had risked his life to do so, for Bonnie, as well. Kai is pretty resilient honestly. But he has to want to be, otherwise he could easily just be fine with taking a dirt nap. Because he has no feeling toward a necessity to survive, nor a total fear of death.

[4wordletter]

I needed to sit on your reply a good part of the day so I didn’t message you earlier like “I hate myself and everything about me” but uh. that sentiment is still there, I’m just trying not to throw myself too far under the bus here

well i’m definitely glad you didn’t lmao. please relax!!!

I think you misinterpreted my tone about the road thing, the corn thing, whatever else. I tend to be kind of deadpan with some of my humor unless I’m trying to obviously be sarcastic; I don’t actually think any of those things are wrong or whatever else. I hope you know that. I’ll joke with my friends sometimes about their little dialectal things; like how in western PA there’s infinitival copula deletion (”the clothes need washed” instead of “need to be washed”), or how they’ll say ‘pop’ instead of ‘soda’, and I’ll joke about how that’s ‘wrong’ sometimes. but as a linguist I really do find it fascinating; everything about linguistic variation is interesting to me. and it’s far from wrong, just different. I guess I just need to work more on how I’m coming across. but it would also help me if you could point it out, because I literally don’t even realize I’m doing it. or, rather, I don’t realize my tone is coming across as serious.

i find these lil differences really interesting as well :D i love learning about things you guys do and say in america. like keeping eggs in the fridge in the store. that’s interesting lol :D

as far as “needing to be right” or “needing you to be wrong”; that’s something I really resent hearing, actually. it’s something charlotte does all the time and I absolutely hate it, but I’m sure some of that managed to rub off on me after being friends with her for literally half my life. I also don’t realize it when I’m coming across that way and I really don’t mean to. I’m not trying to prove you wrong or be argumentative, and I at least hope I do alright at accepting when I’m wrong. so I do apologize for that.

apology accepted, it’s no big deal :)

I’m also not super conscious of how I am in literally any setting where I’m not by myself, but it became pretty obvious when you brought up the dishes. like, why don’t I just go ahead and do them? it’s not that I don’t want to, or that I wanted you to do them instead. I know I would have done them all myself too. thinking back, though… I’m just like that. I don’t know why. if I’m by myself, I have control over my environment. or, at least.. that’s the best phrasing I have for it right now. when I was in my apartment at school, it was my space. my messes, my dishes, my things to take care of on my own time, and I’d do them. I clean my room at home and try to keep it clean, I clean my dishes at home when I’m up to it, so on. when I’m in a shared space, or in a space that isn’t my own, I don’t really know what to do with myself. I kind of default to letting other people take charge. I’m super unsure of myself and usually wait to be told what to do, because it’s not my space. I saw a post earlier today on facebook that hit me like a ton of bricks because this is basically what it feels like:

and the thing is… I don’t know if it’s a result of abuse. I don’t think I was so traumatized in childhood that I feel a real loss of autonomy. but I think that deep down there is some kind of fear that I’ll do something wrong and someone will be upset, so it’s safest just to wait to get some direction. I guess mom did snap at me enough as a kid that I was really hard on myself when I did something wrong. I constantly seem to have this feeling like “am I allowed…?” even in contexts where I can pretty much do whatever I want. in that space at the apartment, I did want to help, I just wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t sitting around waiting for you to take care of it. 

maybe it’s not that deep at all, maybe you just don’t like doing dishes. i know i don’t, lol

that’s my fault for not recognizing it sooner. I can’t expect you to direct me, but I guess that’s why I said “if you’d asked me to do the dishes I would’ve done them”. and “asking” is definitely different from getting an attitude with me and snapping at me over a single bowl in the sink like my mom does. something like hey, could you do these while I take care of food? or the like. that kind of thing is super helpful for me, and I’ve got zero problem with it.

you don’t have to keep falling on your sword all the time. it’s not that serious. this was last week’s news. do we care anymore? i’ll almost never ask you to do anything. if i can do it myself, i will

the one thing I think I’m hardest on myself for is negativity. I try to avoid it. but I’ve been aware of it for a long time and I’ve been really hard on myself about it in the past. I know I have old blog posts somewhere just ripping myself apart because of how picky I seem to be about everything. I don’t like food, I don’t like drinking, I don’t like sex, I don’t like pretty much anything most people my age seem to like, I’m apparently real picky about my tv shows and music taste… there definitely are things I do like, but what seems to come out the most is what I don’t like, because so much of it is things other people do like. I don’t want to be a downer, I’m so sick of seeing myself like that. but that’s just how I come across, and I don’t know how to not be like this. it’s something I absolutely hate about myself. 

idk, i can’t relate so much to this because i do tend to like a wide range of things. i like all sorts of music (yes, even country) and all sorts of tv shows, movies, food, etc. i can’t imagine not being this way and i guess you can’t imagine being other than you are either. that’s fine, i think

but by that same token, I guess that is where we’re just going to differ. I refuse to lie and fake shared interests. if I want a real bond with someone, I’m the kind of person who will keep looking til there is something we both like. maybe if we really are that different, we shouldn’t be trying so hard to make it work out. 

there are plenty of things we both like :) i don’t think we’re trying hard. i’m not trying hard at least. i’m just being myself

that’s the whole thing about toxic relationships and whatnot. I’m not suggesting that’s us specifically; I know you and I get along on some level. I was just really thrown by the fact that you lied about what shows you liked. that was something I thought we shared, and turns out it wasn’t. I personally don’t appreciate being lied to, even if it’s something small like that.

i think, in this particular context, we value different things. you place a high value on me enjoying the same media you do. i place high value on spending time with another person and enjoying a shared activity. it doesn’t matter what it is. that’s how i bond with other people, through shared experiences. it’s the experience i value, not the particular activity we do. i hate bars but i go to the bar with the guys all the time. i don’t like pool but we play it all the time. do i like bob’s burgers? not really. do i enjoy spending time with you? definitely

also me saying I don’t like something.. that isn’t me absolutely trashing it, or thinking you’re wrong for liking it, or whatever else. it’s just not something I like. my personal preference. doesn’t mean I hate it; if I hated it you’d know, lmao. I think it’s okay to admit when you don’t like something; everyone’s entitled to their opinions. I know it’s tiring with me because of how picky I can be. I’m not sure what to do about that, but like I said. I’m not going to lie. I don’t see what good it does. I only see lies getting worse and causing serious rifts and I’d rather avoid that if I can.

i think there are a lot more important things in life than talking about whether we “like” something or not. what does it even mean? so what if i don’t like a certain show you watch. so what if you don’t like some band i listen to? does this really change the universe in any meaningful way? as for lies getting worse, i’m not a pathological liar lmao. i think this is being blown out of proportion

I personally don’t see expressing a dislike for something as being outright negative; unless I really hate it, it’s just a statement. “no, didn’t like that so much, can we try something else” or “yes, liked that, more please” have pretty similar weight to me; they’re just personal opinions. not on any extreme end of positivity or negativity, you know? there’s a lot more grey area there, I think. you can’t possibly like everything, and I don’t think expressing dislike for things that genuinely don’t appeal to you is inherently being negative. maybe we’re just going to differ on that.

i don’t think we differ on it too much, though i guess we don’t have to discuss likes/dislikes so much? there’s lots of other stuff to talk about :D

I’m really not trying to be rude, I would just rather be honest so we’re not wasting time pretending we enjoy things we don’t. it’s not creating a genuine bond to do that, in my eyes.

again i think too much analysis is being applied to this, but i’ll offer my opinion anyway since you’ve written about it. i think what you’ve written expresses your feeling well: if you don’t like the activity, it’s wasting time. i feel differently about that. i don’t have to like the activity. i think if you focus on the activity and not the shared experience with another person then you limit yourself socially. 

different people like to do different things, and if you only do the things that you like then you need to find people who also like those things. that’s limiting. for example, sometimes we go out for drinks after work. sometimes we can be out quite late. as i said, i don’t like pubs etc and i don’t even drink. i don’t enjoy the activity, but i do enjoy spending time with my coworkers. that’s what i find value in.

 I don’t know that it’s ‘just human’ to do that either; I don’t think I know anyone who does. they’re maybe more gentle about expressing distaste, and I do try to be gentle about it myself, but I haven’t had anyone I know tell me they like something when they don’t. maybe that’s why that was so upsetting for me.

I am serious about not knowing what I can trust, though. I really don’t want you to tell me what you think I want to hear, and it’s going to take some work to earn that trust back. I won’t demand honesty from you if you see it as rude, but I’m going to leave it in your hands if you want me to trust you.

i think this is getting a lot deeper than it actually is. i don’t mean to be flippant but is this really all about how i said i liked your tv show so i didn’t hurt your feelings?

whether you trust me or not isn’t something that i think about. literally never entered my mind. it doesn’t matter too much to me because i already know who i am. whether you trust me or not is up to you, i’m just being myself lol

all said, though, it was a good week. I’m happy the weather held out. it really is beautiful there. I still can’t get over how clear the water was, ha. if you come to visit you’ll see what I mean.

i will come to visit. just please try to relax a little and not take me or the things i do so seriously. it’s...not serious. not deep at all. just have fun, have adventures, chill out :) i don’t want my life to be about who likes what and who’s not telling the truth about whether they like a cartoon or not lmao

one of these days it’d be nice to go back, just… my future is really up in the air right now. I do need to be a little more careful, I think. I did go on this trip because I had the time and the money and why not enjoy my freedom while I have it, but it also did feel kind of impulsive and I really need to quit doing things ‘because who cares, nothing matters anyway’. I think there’s a pessimistic, nihilistic way to interpret that statement, and a more carefree way to interpret it as well. a lot of my impulsive decisions from the last year or two have fallen under the former. I’ve still got a lot of work to do on myself, as I’m sure you’re aware.

i forget which is latter and which is former soooo yes. idk, some of the most exciting times in life are impulsive and relatively spontaneous. wish you’d impulsively do those dishes tho lmaO HAHAHahaha (don’t kill me)

you don’t have to reply to any of this if you don’t want to. I know it took a lot to reply to my last post. I’m not trying to make excuses, just explaining.

i’ll always reply to whatever you say, lol. sorry it took a while to reply, i was super tired at work i was so zoned out at my desk hahaha.