#it also got be v emo that this was the story she chose for her 100th chapter!!!!!!! :')

[kikuism]

sharing the notes i took while watching interview with the vampire, eps 1-5 ❤️‍🔥

episode 1:

THIS IS AMERICAN......⁉️⁉️⁉️.........girl this Whole time i thought.....i saw their period piece outfits and just assumed it was british hgjdhfjshfh help that's how little i knew about this series ...... but ok anyway

DUBAI?!?!

i like the newfound respect and patience louis and mr. molloy have for each other, the way they've acknowledged they're ready to tell this story again with a keeener and wiser perspective than they had all those years ago. i like the rapport they've established.

“i know who you are, sir. you're the man who made me buy a townhouse in the quarter. i owe you everything.”

“only it turns out the saint was not a city, but a handsome man with the most agreeable disposition.” HELLO???

“it was a cold winter that year, and lestat was my coal fire.” me and who

not lestat calling the gumbo bouillabaisse......

the opera, iolanta, by tchaikovsky!!!! (i read the plot and tried to parse out why they chose this opera ..... blind princess doesn't know she's blind or that she's a princess, her father doesn't want her to know that she's blind, a doctor comes and says she can be treated but only if she's made aware of her disability—she will only be cured if she wants to see. but not knowing what it is like to see, iolanta cannot desire it. however a chance encounter with her betrothed’s friend leads to her discovering her blindness. he explains light and color and what it is like to see and they fall in love, and she asks her father for the cure so that she can understand more fully for herself.)

“the liberty he has with his thoughts. however misshapen they may be, your brother has no shame in sharing them.” and then louis goes “you saying i have shame?” scream

louis and his siblings :( i love them so much, the way he cares for them......he's just such a good brother and son it makes me emo. he works so hard for themmm

also the confession scene at the church had me in a chokehold......the ACTING.....get this man an emmy PLEASE

i'm so sad louis noooooooo

the pain and the Anguish it all hit too hard like it's Wrecking him and lestat literally has him in a chokehold suffocating his thoughts

lestat wants him to be who he is and be unafraid of it. which is a lovely sentiment but it's coming from lestat hgjdhfjf but the timing was just right wasn't it

episode 2:

really love how they kept the burning in sunlight aspect. just hammers home the point about how Confined vampires are .... immortality at a steep cost.

“but when i started dreaming in english, that's when i embraced it.” STOP this is exactly a line in rf kuang's babel ..... you've only truly mastered a language once you start dreaming it in.....anyway

louis still cares so much for his family it hurts me ...... he's always looking out for their well-being, especially grace's.....the money he gave her for the twins and for the trip in episode 1......he just works so hard for them and then the way his mother blames him for paul's death 💔💔💔 i want happiness for him genuinely which is also what lestat wanted but jgkshfjdj

“it was the call and response of my entire life. i had let them talk to me like that for so long, i stopped hearing it. smile, nod, yes, sir. thank you, sir. they all came from the same organ inside me—an organ unknown to science at the time, because what scientist would look for an organ found only in black men who use their weakness to rise?”

not louis almost eating his nephew and lestat's response being to go to the opera hgjshfjshf do you want an emotion oriented response or a solution oriented response to your problem. but louis's pain got me choked up like it's Tearing him apart to not spend time with his family and know that he will slowly have to abandon them, as lestat advised.

i wonder how many times louis has wondered whether immortality was worth it .... severing his ties to his family, all bc lestat managed to nip him right in the bud at a very vulnerable moment. like is it worth being free from the trials and tribulations of your mortal life for you to lose your flesh and blood family.....like yeah he has a new 'family' now, but.....to sever your roots like that is Not an easy thing to do

“how can i say say no to you...” 😵‍💫💫

“he was my murderer, my mentor, my lover, and my maker—all of those things at once.” messy!

“there is one thing about being a vampire that i most fear above all else ... and that is loneliness. you can't imagine the emptiness. you take this feeling away from me, louis.” okay.....perhaps i swooned a bit..... BUT....lestat is so lonely and he's so desperate for affection and companionship and it's kind of sad but he goes about his ways with such a manic almost frenzied look in his eyes and you just know he will do Anything to keep louis close by his side. but louis is right, he does have such a way about him. i'm low-key swooning at their romance even though i Know lestat is being all kinds of manipulative. this opera scene did make me a little crazy though bc i have written that too......with subtle finger touching and everything........

but i must admit it was quite endearing watching louis look to lestat with such fondness as he appreciated the music, which for him separates man from food. they are soft for each other aren't they :(

not lestat killing the tenor for playing the wrong notes hfjdhfhfh “THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER LOUIS!”

i just....i'm so fond of louis......the constant indignities he has to face on the daily and what he puts himself through to provide for his family and his ambition and his devotion and his stubbornness like wow yeah i Totally understand why lestat was starstruck. he's so human and brimming with all the complexities it brings. it definitely kindled a spark in lestat's most likely cold and barren heart

episode 3:

ugh they’re just sitting on a bench out in the park reading together, enjoying the evening breeze........me and who...........

louis only wanting to kill bad people ghskdjf this is so endearing

“thrust them into circumstance, whisper to them their lord, god and savior is not listening, and you will see all kinds of depravity” FLASHBACK TO THE END OF EP1 💀💀💀💀

“MON CHER”

“of course. of course. of course!” HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO BURST INTO TEARS GHKSDFJH

“how was your evening?” “fine. yours?” “fine” they’re literally married

nooooooooo not louis and his family :((( they’re breaking my heart ....... he’s STILL trying so hard for them but it’s just not working :’(

LESTAT WAS THERE OF COURSEEEEEEEE HE WAS THERE IM SCREAMING “i don’t like sharing” helppppp

“I HEARD YOUR HEARTS DANCING” GHKJLKTJKFGHKJFG NOT THISSSSS HE NEEDS HELP!!!!!!! “YOU WATCHED THE WHOLE THING LIKE SOME CREEPER” HELP ME

“this is not a life!” “you took my life!” THERE IT IS

KILL HIM YES YES YESSSSSSSS THAT WAS SO SATISFYING TO WATCH

not lestat saying ‘let’s make this our anniversary’ ghsdkjghdfk

‘that’s why you’re always going to be alone’ STRUCK RIGHT IN THE CHEST

episode 4:

‘i’m not sure how i feel about that pleated skirt.’ ‘it’s chiffon. it has movement’ DADS!

louis is Begging lestat to turn claudia and lestat KNOWS he has him right in the palm of his hand...............

claudia!!!!!!!!! she’s so chill about becoming a vampire ghsdkfj she’s like ‘i’m going to make the best of it!” ghsdkfj go girl

‘looks like she takes after me.’ ‘tremendous.’

‘i’m hungry.’ ‘hungry? you just ate a man twice your size’ ghdkfjdshkj

‘what sort of fourteen year old questions their existence?’ ‘you ever met a teenager before?’ ghsdkfghkdfj DADS

it’s soooo lovely seeing claudia live through vampirism with this pure childlike wonder and excitement like she’s really just a child and it’s so refreshing and wonderful to see

she got her own coffin awwww

DADS CUDDLING IN THE COFFIN GHSKDJGHKFJ THE SCENE THAT MADE ME WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW OMG THEY’RE SO TENDER........’i missed you’ ‘you missed me?’ pleaseeeee

‘some killing has consequence’ uh oh.......foreshadowing..........

THE ADHAN???????????? RASHID IS A MUSLIMG HSKDFJHKDFJGHKJFHFG HELLO??????????? IS IT ASHURA EVERYDAY IN THE PENTHOUS GHKDFJSGHKJDFH THIS THREW ME FOR A COMPLETE LOOOP GHKDFJHJ MUSLIM REP IN IWTV????????????????

nooooooooo omg they’re such a family it’s making me so emo :(((( i’m obsessed with their domestic life, the coziness, the dancing and the theater and the birthdays omg............they’re a family................claudia is so good for them..........they’re so happy

NOOO mama du lac :(((((((( ugh the rift between louis and grace is killing me they’re so hostile now i hateeee it here that warmth and love is gone..........

lestat is training claudia to be a killer i don’t like this :/

not lestat making her watch charlie’s corpse burning up...............HE’S THE ONE WHO ENCOURAGED HER TO KILL LIKE THIS................HE MADE HER WHO SHE IS.........

‘it’ll pass. you got us’ ‘i don’t want you’ :((((((((((

episode 5:

do you remember our life? how happy we were before her? NOT IN FRONT OF HER MY GOD

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT HGKDSJFHKDFHKJFDHKSJF AN AFFAIR?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? WHAT THE DFUCK

estranged dads :((((((

claudia 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE RIPPED PAGES OF THE DIARY

THIS INTERVIEW IS GETTING MESSYYYYYY

‘i don’t need that, louis. or whoever you are who took my louis’ NOOOOOOOOO MY HEART IS BREAKING

NOT THE HEADSTONE??????????????????? NOT CLAUDIA WATCHING???????????????????????

OHHHHHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOUIS IS SOBBING I CAN’T IM CRYING NOW TOO TEARS IN MY EYES I CANT DO THIS MAKE IT STOPPPPPPPP ‘I UNDERSTOOD WHY THEY MADE ME’ WHAT IF I JUST TORE MY HAIR OUT WHAT THEN

‘I SPEND TIME FOLLOWING LOUIS AND LESTAT NOW THAT I AM MY OWN WOMAN, WITH NO OBVIOUS SENSE OF WHY I FOLLOW THEM, OTHER THAN MEANING SLOWLY DISINTEGRATES WITHOUT THEM....MY COMPANIONS IN IMMORTALITY’

‘BUT TODAY AT THE CEMETERY, I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD SOMETHING SO OBVIOUS, WHICH I PONDERED FOR A DECADE....WHY THEY MADE ME. TO BE LOUIS’S SISTER’

IM THROWING UPPPPPPPP I CAN’T DO THIS WHO ALLOWED THIS WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS EVIL THIS IS ILLEGAL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF NOW????????????? THIS IS F UCKE DUP

LESTAT JUST ACCEPT THE APOLOGYYYYYYYYYYYY IM GOING TO KILL HIM FR CLAUDIA IS HERE EVERYTHING CAN BE OKAY AGAIN STOP BEING SUCH A DIVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO THROW UP WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW

JHADGAJKFCHKJ  WWHA HEH FUCK IS HAPPENIGN LKEHSKRDJHDSTEYRE KILLING EAHC OTER THEYRE KILLING AHC OTEOHR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 GUYS WHA HR KADSJ CKFUCK

LPUISI SDHGSKJDFHKJDFSSLGD LOUOS

KOUIS

LOUIS

HES KILLIG IHOM

HIS NECK HES ALL BLOODY IM

[too-scared-to-do-this]

Prestige

Chapter one - Welcome to Weltingston Heights

Sanders side fanfiction

Idea by: @hestianerd1

Wordcount: 1094

Pairings: so far the main one is prinxiety :)

TW: cursing and some hostility, but let me know if I've missed any! :3

The summery of the whole story: Prestige. Such a simple construct. All you have to do is act the way you want people to perceive you, keep up the image, wear a big proud smile and never ever dare make a mistake. That’s why Weltingston Heights University is such a well known school. Everybody knows that anyone who got in must have some prestige tied to their name. Educational records, family history, or even literal fame. So why not treat students the same way? Because what’s a little more pressure on their young and strong bones?

But prestige and image are precious things. You slip up even the tiniest bit, step out of the line you drew for yourself and it’s all gone. So now that the pressure is on, and everyone already knows their place in this small circle of society, only one question remains. How far are they willing to go to keep the false image up?

(Or: Very over-dramatically with a noticeable amount of sarcastic undertone: "Oh my god! They were roommates!")

---------------------------------

Chapter one - Welcome to Weltingston heights

The halls were packed. So packed in fact, Virgil barely had space to move around. And that rarely was the case!

Usually, people just cleared a path for him - not wanting to catch a disease or something he presumed (rumors are so stupid). Mostly, people just feared him.

When you’re growly all the time, with a hoodie on, head low and headphones on, people tend to react that way. And the makeup and dark clothing probably didn’t help either.

Either way, they usually ran the moment they saw him.

But not today - no! This day out of all the days they could’ve chosen - they chose to not scatter. The filthy glory of move-in day.

Welcome to Waltingston Heights.

This day was already a nightmare. And yet another new room and roommate on top of it and Virgil was ready to throw himself over the ledge. He clutched his box to his chest and swallowed hard.

Just breath Virgil. You’re almost there. Count your steps. - he thought.

Room 223… 227… 234…

Room 236. Finally.

A quick (and very clumsy) fumble with the keys and Virgil was shutting the doors behind him. Hard and fast - falling against cold hard wood in the darkness.

Thank God for the hot weather outside - the staff had to close the curtains to protect the rooms at least a little from the boiling sun. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Two more trips to his car. He can do that. Obviously, he can.

…

But maybe he’ll unpack this box first. People might just thin out in that time.

And so, V took of his backpack, forced his legs to work and took a good look of the room.

Not too big, but bigger than what he had at home. One bathroom and a small kitchen of to the side. This pretty much supplied as a small apartment - just like the exact same looking once from previous years. It was suitable. Livable in.

Now, only if the roommate situation was the same.

It wasn’t the question of who, honestly, but rather why anyone at all? He did go to headmaster Berry with this, but that helped nothing. The man lacks empathy and that’s all he’ll ad.

Dropping the box on one of the beds (right side. Always the one under the window.) he started pulling out pieces of identical clothing and neatly folding them away into the drawers. Setting up a small table-lamp, an alarm clock. Dealing with the bed sheets.

Pushing the box aside, he fell onto his new bed. Home for the next two months max.

It didn’t matter who the roommate was, they always eventually requested him moved. Without fail. (Those days the old man decided to show some empathy - how convenient.) But they were in the right - he didn’t blame them. Didn’t like them as much, either.

He had to get up and go get those other boxes. He knew it. But he didn’t really want to leave the safety of the quiet room… And his idiotic ass also left his headphones in the car… Okay. Deep breath.

It was on his third trip back - the last one thankfully - when the students finally started thinning out. No more stupid elbowing through crowds, no more unwanted bumping or pushing. Not nearly enough space yet, but better.

Balancing the box in one hand, he reached out for the door handle. He was about to push the door open when it got yanked, pulling V with it.

Laud laughter and chatting filled the anxious boy’s ears. “Oh my, I’m so sorry! Are you alright?”

“Obviously.” he grunted elbowing his way into the room. Plopping his box down, he turned to actually face the guy he had to spend the two weeks with (didn’t give it longer).

And god, out of all the people in this school, it had to be this guy. He hated this situation. Eyelids lowered, mouth a thin line, Virgil growled. “You.”

“The one and only. Roman Velez.” the other bowed with a grin. A young girl behind him giggled at the sight and said something in Spanish, which made the actor grin even wider. “And you, dark and broody, must be my new roommate.”

“Not for long hopefully.” V grunted, turning back to his boxes and starting unpacking again.

Was it really too much to ask for some quiet and piece this year?

“I didn’t catch your name, emo.”

“That’s ‘cus I didn’t say it, dumbass.”

“Such pristine vocabulary. I just asked to be polite, anyways. I know you’re Virgil Reat. Everybody knows that.”

Virgil was just about to quip back when a completely shocked high-pitched voiced beat him to it. “That is him?!” the girl squawked.

Roman immediately fixed her with a glare. “Shut up, Cas. Go help dad.”

His sister was the best thing in the world, but she just could not keep her mouth shut. “Oh my god! Ro! You-“

“Now.”

“Wait till dad hears about this!” and she was gone, evil giggle fading with distance. Leaving the two boys in the not-so-small room.

Roman looked back at the short bundle of unhappiness and wondered what went wrong in the board-members heads to assign them as roommates. But he couldn’t say that out loud, now could he. So, he went with the next best thing - when in doubt, wear a smile and act friendly. “You don’t have much decoration.”

Virgil just razed an eyebrow. Then gestured at Romans’s side of the room. The man had literal toys everywhere. Glittery letters, a plush unicorns and bunch of stuff from plays he assumed. Like that sword hanging on the wall over there. Were they even allowed to bring weapons (no matter if fake) to school? “There wouldn’t be no place to put it with all the shit you brought.”

“Well, I’ll let you know, these things are not ‘shit’. They hold emotional value. And at least I’m not afraid to express myself.”

“And that’s exactly why most people find you annoying.” and with that (and a very cruel, obviously fake, polite smile), the box was tossed to the ground and V’s big black noise-canceling headphones were finally on his head. Blasting whatever his crappy phone would offer at that exact moment.

Roman was left staring at the rude little leprechaun laying on his bed. Ignoring him!

“Hey!” he called out. But V only turned the volume up and closed his eyes.

Roman scoffed in disbelief. “Welcome back to Weltingston, I guess.”

This is going to be a fun year.

---------------------------------

Welcome to a new series! I hope you'll enjoy it <3

(Also, I wrote Roman Spanish because I just love the concept, but I don't really speak or know much, and I really don't want to come of as offensive! That's the last thing I want... So if anybody out there is kindhearted enough to help me correct anything that might seem off or with some correct translations into Spanish in later chapters, I'd really appreciate the help! (I don't trust google translate with something like this XD) I really don't mean to make anybody uncomfortable, and if this helps me prevent it, than I'd be very grateful! Thank you <3)

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Out of My League (Midoriya Izuku X Reader X Bakugou Katsuki) PART 1

Summary: They were both your friends, and they were both out of your league. And UA’s having a fucking dance...

I LOOOOOOVES me some love triangles... XD And ooh this one’s gonna have some fluff and some angst in here honeys~. School’s almost over~. So I get to write this!!

Featuring! Deku and Kacchan! And You guys!! 

But somehow I can't believe That anything should happen I know where I belong And nothing's going to happen, yeah

-’She’s so High’ Tal Bachman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmmSAFWhyu0

It was true what they said about high school clichés.

There will always be jocks, popular bitches, preppy kids, emo kids, nerds, basket cases, class-clowns, rockers, perverts, shrinking violets and the occasional criminals.

You knew that because you were currently attending UA High with your best friends. Sure, this was a school for young students training to become pro-heroes, but it was still a high school, and naturally the high school students ACTED like high school students.

But you didn’t always entirely care about what people thought about you, or at least you tried to not care about what people thought about you. All that mattered was that you had your best friends, and the new batch of awesome friends you made during your time in UA.

It wasn’t always easy though since your two childhood friends just kind semi-hated each other, well, one of them was more upfront about it, the other one still cared a lot about him.

Yes, your best friends were Izuku Midoriya and Katsuki Bakugo. Everyone knew that because they would all see you walking with either Izuku, Bakugo or sometimes both of them when you managed to convince them to just try and tolerate each other. Well… Bakugo at least.

You felt close to both of them, but you tried to make time for both of them so neither of them felt neglected. Bakugo was an asshole 98 percent of the time, but you cared about him and you cherished your friendship with him warts and all. He had a soft side, you knew it, even though you seldom saw it. Izuku? Well, you never really had any problems with him at all.

But as soon as you three grew up, things started changing…

Izuku was gradually becoming more popular, because people finally saw his charisma. And many were becoming drawn to his kind, helpful nature, his determination, wicked intelligence and overall good-boy attitude.

Bakugo was still popular, except you could tell that he was slowly maturing. But what didn’t change was his aggressive attitude, competitiveness, expertise in fighting, book smarts and the cutthroat personality.

And then there was you…

Now you were never really that popular to begin with, kind of like Izuku, except you were even more under the radar given your casual, somewhat absurd and weird attitude, tendency to make lame jokes, interest in geeky things like anime, Game of Thrones, Stranger Things, Netflix and old punk bands like MCR and Sum 41 or Avril Lavigne and Panic! At The Disco. And you weren’t particularly that powerful or intelligent, hell studying was your enemy, but your telekinesis quirk was pretty useful on some occasions.

Overall, you weren’t oblivious as you would at times walk with either Izuku or Bakugo, and you would notice some of the looks other students were giving you three. Especially some of the girls, who were looking at Izuku and Bakugo rather fondly, even giggling as the two boys walked past them without even paying attention. But as soon as they saw you, their giggles increased, and it wasn’t because they liked you.

Whatever. You told yourself as you let out a small burp and decided to go and hang out with Izuku’s crew a.k.a ‘The Dekusquad’. Again. You adored his new friends though, most of them at least. Talking with Uraraka was hella awkward because you did not entirely like the girl, at least compared to the other girls. Particularly because of how Izuku acted around her, no you weren’t jealous or anything. And if you were, you weren’t going to admit it. However, Tsuyu, Iida, Todoroki and Aoyama were all fantastic and you liked them a lot.

Izuku was fantastic, you were so glad that you stuck by him the entire time and attended the same schools as him. He never minded your company, made regular eye contact with you (as much as the shy boy could at least) and even talked to you and let you talk about the dorky things you liked because you would listen to him talk about anything he liked too. He was just great. How could you not want to stay friends with someone like that?

You would also hang out with Bakugo’s crew a.k.a ‘The Bakusquad’ every now and then too, on the occasions when Bakugo would actually let you come close to him.  You loved all of them, especially Kirishima, they were all just so fun, full of life and pretty sweet too compared to their chosen leader. Bakugo wasn’t exactly kind to you, and he wasn’t shy about showing it in front of his friends, but he wouldn’t seriously hurt you.

Except maybe your feelings.

Bakugo was a different story compared to Izuku. You and he used to be real close, but much like with Izuku, as soon as his quirk manifested his attitude changed and he chose to bully other students he saw as below him. Especially Izuku, but you weren’t safe either, he bullied you too and mocked you for your telekinesis quirk, and several other things such as your eating habits, interest in TV and other things. 

While he didn’t exactly hurt you like he did Izuku, he wasn’t above pushing you to the ground or throwing things at you especially when you stood by Izuku to try and defend him.

9 YEARS AGO

You weren’t the most observant child in the world, but you did notice some things that others didn’t you liked to think. Such as how when a bird would land so close to a tree to pick up a flower, or whenever a spider was crawling about and no one could see it.

And how Izuku was such a kind boy, never ceasing to help people out who needed it even if they did push him away and then mock him for his lack of a quirk and they would say ‘how could YOU help?’ and it made you angry.

But what could you do? You were young so you weren’t sure how to really help your poor friend other than be his friend whenever someone was mean to him. You thought as you watched him admiring the snow and catching a small flake and he was blissfully unaware that you were staring at him.

He was actually kinda cute…

WHACK!

You let out a loud ‘AH!’ when you felt a ball of snow smack you in the back of your head, “EEK! Cold! Cold!” And you shrieked when the VERY cold ice pieces instantly melted on your warm skin and made it cold…

“HAHA! (Y/N)’s got a boyfriend~!”

It was Bakugo. Of course it was bratty Bakugo picking on you and throwing snowballs at you, he was always, ALWAYS looking for a chance to pick on you or Izuku anytime he found one. And to make matters worse now he was insisting something icky about you and your friend!

“N-NO I DON’T!” You immediately shouted back as your face turned hot, and you finally saw that Izuku had turned to see you and Bakugo shouting at each other, “Hey Deku! (Y/N)’s your girlfriend now~!” And he didn’t spare Izuku, he never did, he always had to make fun of him too.

“W-What?!” But the poor boy turned bright red at the thought, he couldn’t have a girlfriend! He was too young! Being a girlfriend meant being a mama and daddy…

“K-Katsuki shut up! He’s not my boyfriend!” You were less naïve than that, but you still yelled back at Bakugo for being a jerk. And he was still making fun of you and laughing at you, but the worst part is he actually looked happy when he was teasing you. You hated that he was smiling because Bakugo had a cute smile…

Just not a cute mouth…

“Losers belong together! So it’s perfect isn’t it? The girl with the lame mind quirk and the quirkless nerd.” He then shoved you to the snow so he could sneer down at you, snickering when he saw you trying to glare at him.

“Kacchan stop it…!” Izuku was at least sweet enough to try and stop him, but it wasn’t working either. Bakugo was quick to get a snowball much to the other boy’s shock as he stood his ground in terror. Only to shriek when Bakugo’s fastball suddenly whacked him right in the face and sent him falling to the snowy ground.

“HAHA!”

Bakugo laughed at both yours and Izuku’s expense. He always did. Izuku got up from the ground though. He always did. And you honestly weren’t sure what to do. You never did.  

You disapproved of Bakugo’s meanness, but always tried to at least help Izuku.  Those things you always did.

PRESENT

You were older now, all grown up in fact! In your opinion, so you were sure you knew what to do now for the most part.

Except for now…

The year was almost ending, and there was an upcoming ball to celebrate the end of the second semester called ‘The UA Ball’ and then students would get that 2 week Winter break that everyone was so looking forward too. Yeah you were sure some of your classmates and friends were going to be training during the break but still, everyone was getting a break. And THAT’s what you were looking forward to so you could just stay home all day, watch Friends, Game of Thrones of The Office and snuggle in the blankets and then train later.

But you had this ball to get over with first…

You had no idea why you cared about it so much, it’s not like you even enjoyed dancing or dances in general. Those were invented for the prettier girls and the handsome boys, not for anyone else who couldn’t fall in line with those labels…

No one ever asked you out, and no one wanted to go out with you either. You remembered that pretty well just last year!

LAST YEAR

Sadie Hawkins.

You wanted hack whoever invented that bullshit with a machete. And also punch whoever decided it was a good idea to bring that concept to your Japanese school in the face. The girls had to ask out the guys, but you could barely ask the guy at McDonalds to fix your burger that he screwed up without feeling like you would stutter and stumble on your words.

On top of that you were pretty sure that no guy would want to go with you even if you asked. You weren’t smart back then because for some reason you thought Bakugo of all people would want to go to the dance with you. And you weren’t even in the same classes together, just the same grade and you still knew each other.

Of course at that time, his attitude changed for the worst even more from when you were 6 years old and now he decided that it was perfectly fine to treat you and Izuku like garbage and he wasn’t above taunting you or bullying you like he did Izuku. Except he treated Izuku just slightly worse than you.

The logical side of you was screaming at you to turn back as you nervously glanced at Bakugo with his sycophantic cronies and barely took a step forward to approach him, but the emotional side of you was saying ‘Just ask him already! He might say yes!’

Dammit why did you have to crush on him? He was an asshole, so why did you like him? Was it because you guys were friends at a time? Was it because he still looked at you at least once or twice a month and still gave you (negative) attention? Or was it also because he grew up to be even cuter and even a little handsome now that he was older?

You had no idea…

“Uh… ahhh uh…” You opened your mouth, but barely any volume or words came out and you thoroughly became self-conscious of yourself and froze the second Bakugo’s vermilion eyes met your (E/C) eyes as your body trembled. Dammit your hair was a mess, as it always was but it was still not pretty, and you even tried to wear your favorite (D/S) socks in an attempt to look cute.

“What do you want Shitty Girl?” Bakugo hated it when you stuttered because it made you look even weaker than you already were, and yet he was smirking when you tried to talk again. It was so amusing to see you try…

“Um… uhhh…” You stammered and Bakugo just kept staring at you as his cronies snickered at you, which made your face heat up even more as you closed your eyes and heard your heart beating in your ears so loud you thought it was going to pop out of your chest. “K-Katsuki… I uh… we… we’ve… k-known each other f-for a while a-and uh… w-we uh… live close to each other a-and uh… l-like the… there’s gonna be… d-dance in like three days…” You finally got it out but you couldn’t see the smirk on his face and you froze as soon as you heard him snicker.

“Oh God… you’re not seriously asking me out to the dance are you…?” His question was like a bullet to your beating heart as you opened your eyes, face going bright red as the boys started laughing and making you sweat in your forehead, pits and back.

“N-No…! Haha no… ohhh hell no… dance…? I don’t… I can’t even…” You shook your head and tried to laugh with him even though Bakugo’s laughter was directed at you.

“Good.” However, Bakugo’s tone turned a little less casual and a bit cooler even though he still kept that smirk on, but it looked much crueler. “Cuz I’m gonna put this to you nicely… guys prefer to be with cute girls, which is why you shouldn’t be asking out guys, especially not me, I’m way out of your league. You’re a fucking dork, and you’re gross. I wouldn’t dance with you if you were the last girl on earth.” He moved closer to you just so you could hear everything he had to say to you, even though you were constantly glancing down and refusing the let tears well in your eyes as you willed your lip to not quiver.

“O-Okay…”

Why did you just say okay?! Why didn’t you smack him? You were so angry you wanted to, but you were also so sad you wanted to cry and run away. “Good, now get lost.” Bakugo gestured for you to leave and you did…

God you were pathetic, and they knew it as they laughed at you when you walked away for a bit and then broke out into a sprint as far away as possible, letting some tears slip out until you were outside. Wiping at your eyes angrily as your breath hitched, “S-Stupid! Stupid Katsuki… I hate you… I hate you so much…” You sniffled and quietly cried to yourself…

“(Y/N)?”

But you stopped and gasped when you heard Izuku’s concerned voice, and there he was approaching you with a very worried look. “A-Are you all right?! Are you crying…?”

“N-No!” You were NOT going to look pathetic in front of Izuku, the last thing you wanted was to vent to him about how much of a jerk Bakugo was. Again. “No I’m just… ugh allergies…” You lied really badly but Izuku was kind enough to not pry anything out of you.

“O-Okay… um… h-how about we go home?” He suggested to you nicely, in hopes that it would get your mind off of whatever was really bothering you, and you nodded at that.

Izuku was so sweet, he was way too sweet to put up with all the shit Bakugo put him through. You glanced at him fondly when he wasn’t looking as the two of you walked home together as you often did, and quickly enough to avoid Bakugo picking on you both again. Maybe Izuku would want to go out with you?

“Izuku…?” You suddenly asked, your emotions acting without your brains permission as you shook when Izuku looked right at you as soon as you called him. “Y-Yes?” He paid his full attention to you. He cared about you, and if you needed him for anything he’d do whatever he can to help you, sure he didn’t have a quirk but he wanted to at least be a good friend to you.

You swallowed hard as you felt his sweet big eyes on you as you struggled to ask, again… except somehow this was easier than it was with Bakugo… sort of. “I… uh… w-well… um…” You were stuttering again, but Izuku was being patient with you instead and was actually more worried than anything because of how anxious you looked. “Izuku we… w-we’re friends right…?” You asked him that instead and he perked up, and started blushing quite madly even though yes, he considered you a very dear friend. Possibly his best friend since Bakugo became such a jerk over the years…

“O-Of course! I-I uh… yeah! (Y/N) you’re one of my… m-my best friends… m-my only friend…” He mumbled rather bashfully and somewhat sadly since although he was okay with his solitude, he liked having a friend by his side too.

You smiled at him tenderly but shyly, blushing quite heavily yourself, “W-Well uh… m-maybe… uh… h-how about you and I…?”

Izuku gasped quietly, blushing even harder because he remembered the dance, and it was that Sadie Hawkins style where the girls ask out the guys. Were you going to ask him out?! It made him so nervous yet excited he was trembling and heard his heartbeat drumming loudly in his chest.

You somehow caught onto his nerves but thought that you were making him uncomfortable instead so you quickly nixed it. “G-Go see a movie maybe…?” Your question immediately deflated the excitement he had…

What was he thinking? Of course you weren’t going to ask a loser like him to the dance. You were way too good for him and he wasn’t good enough for you. You were way out of his league.

“Oh… y-yeah… sure… I would like that…” He knew it wasn’t a date, because he had gone to hang out with you at times as friends. That’s all you guys were… just friends…

“Hee-hee awesome… I mean… it’s just… everyone’s going to that dance and… dances are just so dumb… like… we don’t need to be a part of that bullshit ya know?” You asked him with a bit of a forced smile, and Izuku smiled back at you, it was forced as well.

“Y-Yeah… i-it is… kinda dumb…” He pretended to agree with you, although it WAS a little dumb he still wouldn’t mind it if you asked him out. But he knew you’d never ask him out…

Because you and him were just friends.

PRESENT

You and Izuku were just friends. You and Katsuki were just friends.

They were just friends with you and that was all, and yet for some reason that really made you groan and bury your head into your desk. At least until you looked over to see Uraraka smiling and happily talking to Izuku, who looked extremely flustered just talking to the girl.

That’s right. Uraraka was a girl. He told you that much when he first met her, and what did that make you?

You narrowed your eyes at her in annoyance as you scoffed. You take that back, you were jealous of the girl and frankly you didn’t really care that you were, you were never a fan of her.

Dances were dumb. You stood by that. At least…

“Hey…! (Y/N)!” You saw a familiar, INVISIBLE face right in front of you, well you couldn’t actually SEE her face but you knew by the floating clothes that it was no one other than Hagakure. “Hey Tooru…” You mumbled lowly, thankful for her though because you were getting tired of being by yourself and didn’t feel like bothering Izuku’s friends or Bakugo’s friends. Out of the girls, Hagakure was your closest friend.

“I see you looking at Midoriya again~.” She was giggling and probably cheekily grinning at you and you rolled your eyes and blushed, “He’s my friend, of course I’m going to look at him…”

“Bakugo’s your friend too but you look at him a bit differently. Hee-hee… but he’s kinda mean so… I see why you’d rather look at Midoriya. He’s so nice!” She chirped a bit and you smiled and nodded, he was SO nice.

“Yeah… he really is…” You said rather fondly and Tooru put her hands on your shoulders. “And that’s why you need to ask him out.” She said so suddenly you perked up and widened your eyes.

“W-What…?! A-Are you cray?! No way…! I… tried once and… it didn’t go well…” You muttered, even though it was Katsuki it didn’t go well with…

“Oh?”

“Okay I’m lying no no it was Katsuki I asked first… that went horribly… I tried to ask Izuku but… I chickened out and… I dunno… maybe it’s the universe’s way of saying something…” You sighed heavily as Hagakure paid attention to you, smiling even though you couldn’t see it.

She so knew that you liked Izuku, and she was determined to help you win his heart, “Well you can redeem yourself! Ask him out to the dance! This is your chance to do that now!” Hagakure said cheerfully but you just blushed even more, even though she had a point.

But you and Izuku were just friends…

You told yourself that, “Argh I don’t know Tooru… he’s like my best guy friend… what if he thinks I’m weird? Ugh god and I’d be sticking with that lame-ass cliché that guys and girls can’t be just friends? Oh my GOD what the fuck’s wrong with me…?”

“Hey, hey! Cliches don’t matter in real life! Midoriya happens to be your best guy friend and it’s okay if you like him! I mean he is pretty cute isn’t he?”

“Are you kidding? He’s as cute as an otter slithering in a swimming pool with it’s little whiskers and paw-paws…” Putting your hands on your cheeks you quietly squealed when you envisioned the little otter in a swimming pool, and then Izuku was in the swimming pool with the otter swimming around him and giving him those little kisses.

“AHHHH!”

That time you didn’t hold back that squeal as Hagakure jumped a bit, “Ah! Hee-hee… oh gosh… yeah you totally like him, and you totally wanna ask him out~.” She teased you a little bit as you blushed and pouted a little bit, dammit you did want to ask him out… not just to make up for your botched attempt, but also because you really wanted to ask Izuku out. He deserved to be asked out, and you… you liked him… you were certain you liked him…

Part of you still liked Bakugo, but Izuku… you couldn’t forget Izuku either…

“Okay… I will…!” You whispered with a determined voice as Hagakure quietly cheered for you. That’s it. It was time to stop being such a nervous nilly and just go and ask him out already. How bad could it be? You were both just friends going to a dance right? Yeah… who cares if Izuku had muscles now? And who cares if he’s so cute and yet attractive?

Man how did both of your childhood friends grow up to be so attractive? Of the three of you altogether, you were definitely their DUFF...

Everyone else was certainly intending to ask out someone they found attractive, ESPECIALLY Kaminari and Mineta...

“I can’t wait to see the girls in their dresses...! Oh God I hope it’s something that shows skin...!” Mineta was drooling and blushing at the mere thought as Kaminari’s friends just glared at him in disgust. Kaminari KINDA hoped the same but he wouldn’t be vocal about it like that... he had more respect for the girls than that... 

“Heh, well... I can’t wait for this dance, maybe I’ll get lucky~.” You could hear Kaminari talking to Bakugo, Kirishima and Sero though as you got up from your desk. “Ya think so dude?” Sero was a BIT skeptical though as he kinda poked fun at his friend.

“Haha I don’t know if I’m asking anyone… how about you Bakugo? Got anyone you wanna ask out~?” Kirishima was a bit shy when it came to things like that, but wouldn’t shy away from asking his friends about it, except Bakugo could honestly care less about dumb dances.

“HELL NO! Dances are fucking stupid and a waste of time… I don’t get why schools even have them in the first place, they’re pointless…” He angrily grumbled; it was true though he never ever got the point of dances. They were stupid and on top of that hardly anyone was worth going with, no one was good enough for him to give the time of day. He hated dancing too, and he remembered that time where he was almost asked out.

Oh that’s right, YOU had tried to ask him out and he kinda cruelly rejected you. He remembered that, and he felt… bad…? No, why would he feel bad? He didn’t wanna go to the dance with you, you were just some dumb girl that stuck to him and Deku like glue and didn’t go away. You were just slightly less annoying than Deku, that’s why he picked on you. You were a dork, and he liked picking on you because you were a dork.

What were you thinking asking him out last year? He was the most talented guy at school, he couldn’t just go to the dance with a dork… it’s not like it was anything personal or anything. Of course he didn’t forget that you seemed pretty upset about it, but at the time he didn’t care if he hurt your feelings. He still didn’t… or at least he tried to tell himself that he didn’t, but for some reason it was making him feel bad about it.

It’s not like you liked dances anyway, you weren’t a dancer and he remembered how you’d stick your tongue out and go ‘Ewwww!’ with him whenever you, him and Izuku watched some movies where they’d have those gross kissing scenes.

That just wasn’t you.

“Izuku!”

However his eyes widened as soon as he heard you call Deku. God you STILL called him Izuku, dammit why did he hate it whenever you called him by his first name instead of Deku? He told you from the beginning that Izuku is ‘Deku’ but you still called him Izuku.

And Izuku perked up in surprise when he was called, looking a tad bit startled as he looked at you, concerned. “(Y-Y/N)? Are you… okay?” He asked you as Uraraka, Iida and a few other classmates looked at you and you realized that you called him a little louder than you intended to.

“I uh…”

Oh God you were stuttering again, and it never ceased to amuse Bakugo. You were SUCH a dork it was almost endearing. 

“Uhhh… ummm… uhhhh… oh fuck it… Izuku I need to talk to you about something school-related…” You ignored the looks you were getting and the rather surprised look from Izuku and didn’t notice the shock on Bakugo’s face.

What did you need to talk to DEKU for? It was SO not school-related…

To be continued... 

[welcometoyournewhell]

A request from @whatislife1babydonthurtme, done in this format because Tumblr is being beyond stupid.

“Galtean Klance AU  part 1! (this is a little long so I had to split it in two)     So I like the headcanon that Alteans aren't ticklish, it's just not a part of their species. They have different physical definitions of sensitivity.     So, an Alternate Universe where Lance is Altean and Keith is fully Galran, Lance isn't ticklish, but apparently the Galra are.    Lance finds out about this on accident. He has no idea what the hell is happening and experiments on his fluffy boyfriend.”

“Galtean Klance AU  part 2!     So Keith, having been an orphan and not being used to physical contact, is so confused like wtf is happening to his body? Why is he laughing?? But he also weirdly enjoys it because it feels nice and it fills his body with butterflies and giddiness.    And Lance is 200% serious like "why is this so funny to you? I don't get it." And Keith just laughs because he doesn't know the answer anyway.“

“Galtean Klance AU  (part 3?? I forgot a small detail ; v ;)    Afterwards, Keith tries to do it back on Lance, he pokes various spots on Lance's body but nothing happens and Keith is like  (O___o) ??????????????”

___

A/N: Sorry about the delay, I honestly wasn’t liking how it was turning out. Also, Tumblr for some odd reason won’t allow copying and pasting without a lot of code when using the computer?? So to transfer the story from Google Docs took a bit of figuring out. I hope you enjoy!

__

It had been an arranged day like any other. The two princes had been engaged since childhood and had been growing up alongside each other to ensure a positive outcome.

As the wedding day came closer, Alfor demanded Keith spend the night at the castle. Adam was horrified and felt the fear of betrayal on it’s way. The Altean hybrid would be damned if his baby would be living with such a man.

Lance was fine, Coran was fine, Allura was fine, but Alfor? The man who played favorites among his children, the man who acted as if Lance was just property? Not a chance in hell.

As soon as word got out that Adam and Shiro, the young kings of a new Galran planet, had taken in a child…. the Altean king was at their doorstep with both children in arms in hopes of an alliance.

Allura was six, Lance was four, and Keith was five. The queen had been appalled. He was involved. But there was a problem. If Allura chose Lotor, she’s have to rule from Druel to carry old traditions, or disrespect her in-laws and stay on Altea, with out her husband.

If she chose Romelle, she’d stay and rule here. The was a problem that rested on Lance’s shoulders. If his sister left, he’d have to rule. His father would rather him leave the planet all together, but there were no more heirs.

But if Allura left, there would be war. The queen of the new Galran world wouldn’t let his baby be taken from him. Forced to marry young, forced to live somewhere else, not allowed to choose who he married?! The nerve!

But…. that was between the grown ups, and that was Allura’s stress. For now the seventeen-year-olds were having fun just spending time together. “Why do you tie your hair so tightly? Or is this Adam?” Lance was slowly massaging his boyfriend’s scalp after he undid the long braid.

Keith purred softly at the touch, blushing from the comment. “Adam was busy this morning and… it just didn’t feel like I did it right.” The younger prince giggled softly. “Maybe you should cut your hair?” He received a head turn, followed by a glare.

“I’m just saying, you kind of look like a chick!” The Galran prince sighed as he studied the wall before him again.“ All my people wear their hair like this.” He shivered as fingers brushed against the back of his neck. “Ture, but you have a doll face.” Unlike Shiro,

Keith didn’t have a tail. He couldn’t just playfully twack the other as his brother could. “Why is your bed so…. Squishy?” His best tactic was to change the subject. “Hm?” 

The Altean examined his own bed. He was a bit confused, it wasn’t his fiancée's first time in his chamber… or on the bed. “You’ve never said anything before. It’s the same mattress I’ve had for years.” Keith nodded slowly. “It’s just… really… squishy.”

He squeezed it in emphasis, it puffed out in his hands as if he were squeezing his own thigh… but looser. “Well yeah… is yours not?” He’d have to fix that if they moved to Keith’s room. Honestly… Lance wanted to leave. He’d miss his home, he’d miss Coran, but he could visit.

But… he cared not for his government, for his father. Coran was his father, that’s all Lance cared about. “No. It’s firm…. Not… pudding.” The younger prince rolled his eyes at the comment. 

They continued on in silence. As Lance finished, he draped the braid over the older’s shoulder before leaning forward and kissing the nape of his love’s neck. Keith jumped slightly before trying to look over at the other.

His fiancée refused to move as he boredly brushed his lips around the area. Purple eyes widened as nerves responded to the touch. Heat and laughter attempted to bubble to the surface before the male moved forward, covering his mouth. 

“L-Lance!” The younger pulled back, sitting up. “Dude, I was just messing with you.” He didn’t mean to offend his boyfriend. “I.. I know but. It tickled,” he huffed. It what? Pencil thin brows lowered. “It… what?” Did he hear him correctly? “Huh?” Keith sat back up, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What did you say? You know?” He moved back forward to do the motion again against the side of the other’s neck. “Ack! H-Hey,” the attacked squeaked. He pushed his fiancée back some as he leaned back. “That, what was that? You called it something earlier.” Huh? Oh. The Galran processed before rubbing the area and sitting up again.

“I tickled,” Keith repeated. The Altean tilted his head. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d hit a language barrier. “What’s tickled?” The older prince blushed a bit more. “Um… well… it’s.” He took a breath. They both knew Keith was terrible at explaining things. 

“Tickled is the past tense for something that tickles. Which is the feeling when someone runs their fingers or something over a sensitive, or ticklish body part? I don’t know. Curtis and Shiro said it was a nerve thing.”

Well… that didn’t help. He moved back against the large headboard before patting his lap. “Come, show me.” Sighing, Keith crawled over before awkwardly sitting by the other. “Um?” He wasn’t sure how to show Lance.

Should he… have Lance tickle him? Slowly, he took the other’s hand and placed it on his side. “I guess…. Just kind of move your hands? Like your fingers?” The other was a bit confused, but nodded. “Like… like this?” He just tapped them stiffly against the area. It wasn’t doing much.

“No… like… maybe a squeezing motion, it scratching… or wiggling?” Blue met purple at the last one. “Wiggling?” The fiancée nodded before putting his hand up. “Like this.” He demonstrated the motion. “Okay?” Lance shook his head a bit before trying it, and pulled back quickly at the response.

Keith squeaked before moving to the side. “What was that?!” His love had spazed out, an unholy noise escaped his lips! “It tickled,” Keith explained. “I’m really ticklish.” The Galran prince started giggling helplessly as both hands found his side.

The Altean was interested in this new discovery. He’d never seen anything like it. Apart from the snorts, wheezes, and unholy noises, the younger noted the action was making his love laugh.

“Sthahaop, L-Lhahance!” Fingers had decided to explore outwards. The soft tummy and back were under attack. Sure, the back earned a few giggles, but the tummy… The younger pulled back quickly to avoid the moving limbs, the scream escaping the other also scared him. 

“What was that?!” Keith was giggling softly, arms covering his tummy as he curled up. “It tickled,” came the same reply. “That’s one of my worst spots!” He was talking as if Lance knew this information, as if he was talking to Adam.

The hybrid would tickle the younger as punishment, bonding, comfort, etc. Just typical parental things. He wasn’t expecting for his arms to be pulled away, and be turned onto his back in a quick motion. “L-Lance!” His mind was stuck back with Adam. His family were the only ones who could tickle him. 

This was… a little odd? “I wanna do that again!” Child-like excitement filled the prince’s eyes. “What? Wait, no ,no, nahahao!” The Glaran’s head flew back as he squealed. His hands met the Altean’s as his energy weakened.

“Lahahance, stop it!” The other was amazed. He stopped quickly when the other cried out for air. “That’s really cool, and pretty cute. Who’d have thought a few touches were all that was needed to bring down the all-mighty, emo, edgey, Glaran prince?”

Keith huffed in annoyance before flipping the tables and pinning his boyfriend beneath him. “Really? Because in a minute I’m going to have you pleading for mercy!” Fingers dug into the prince’s sides, tummy, ribs, hell Keith even tried his fet. Nothing, not even a flinch. “What? How is it your… you of all people have to be ticklish!

“How is this possible?” The younger shrugged. “I’ve never seen that before honestly.” That’s when it hit Keith. During tickle fights between Shiro and Adam, Adam would always win. Shiro would mutter something about Alteans being immune to it. Though Adam was a hybrid, he could hardly feel the sensations. 

“Damn it,” he sighed. The Altean prince looked up rather confused. “What's your issue?” Keith sighed before poking the exposed tummy. “Alteans aren’t ticklish… I just remembered.” Lance frowned before smirking.

“Oh but… I think you make up for it nicely. Come here!” The remainder of the night was filled with giggles and squeals as the prince educated himself more on the subject of tickling. Let’s just say… they didn’t wake up until past noon.

[itsdeelove]

The music of Daenerys & Jon in S7E3

(this was written by someone on reddit, credit below) So to begin with this is my first post ever so I’m not sure if I’m doing it right (help me Lord of Light). But well yesterday a Spanish youtuber called Jordi Maquiavello posted a very interesting video analyzing the music of the last episode of GOT. He basically analyzes only the scenes of Jon & Daenerys in the video I saw, but he has other videos in his channel where he talks about more music of GOT. This post is going to be basically a rough general translation of that video bc I thought that maybe some redditors would want to hear about it, maybe add something to the discussion & honestly I have a lot of free time for one more week so here you have it.

Maquiavelo basically starts by explaining his work & how he loves analyzing music, at 1:30 is when his analysis starts, he says the scene starts w a parallelism between two old friends meaning Jon meets Tyrion & then he goes to remind us about the meeting between Ned & Robert in the first season. Then he mentions how one of the dragons flies close to Jon when he admits he’s not a Stark (I thought we all got that sign already). He continues mentioning the parallelisms between what Dany says to Jon (I ask you not to judge a daughter for the sins of her father) w what Jon says to the northerners when he says he’s not going to judge the new leaders of house Umber & Karstark by what their parents did. He then continues saying that those scenes remind us that maybe Dany & Jon are not so different after all & Davos is the one pointing that out. Later on he mentions the parallels w Rhaegar (the brother of Dany & father of Jon) & he also mentions the parallels of where Jon stands when he’s talking to Tyrion in Blackwater & when they’re together at the wall. At 3:32 is when he goes to analyze the music he believes that scene is crucial for both characters, bc it introduces a song he never recognized before (this dude knows all of the music of GOT by memory, I’m jelly, I only know the rains of Castemere -drops a sad tear-). He starts by talking about the parallelism between what Jon says to Dany (he doesn’t enjoy doing what he’s good at) w the scene where ser Barristan mentions that Rhaegar never liked to kill people. Then he talks about the theme between Jon & Dany that starts in the middle of the dragonglass scene. The theme of Jon & Dany is based in three chords (the dragon has three heads mofos, ok maybe not but I wanted to say that). He then says he’s confident that would be the official theme song for Dany & Jon, their theme starts at 5:05 just when Dany & Jon are reaching their first agreement. He then talks about how all the main couples in the show have their own themes, couples like Drogo & Dany or Jon & Ygritte. He says is interesting to notice that usually for the Dany or Jon scenes they use their official songs like My Watch Has Ended (song of Jon) but for this scene they decided to use the two songs of the first loves of Jon & Dany. That part starts at 5:57 where he talks about the official themes of the main couples. Love in the eyes (Danny & Drogo) & You know nothing (Ygritte & Jon). He then talks about the instruments they used for the first song (I don’t really understood that part bc he talked about an instrument I never heard before & I’m a native Spanish speaker, damn it). He says the song of Dany & Jon starts w a hint to that song (if you notice that part sounds while Dany starts offering Jon the chance of mining dragonglass) & then the song drops a hint to the theme of Jon & Ygritte (that part starts just when Jon asks her if she believes in the KN/ the timing of the song w the characters talking is awesome). He then says the song they use for Dany & Jon is not the same as the two first songs, but it’s based in some of the same chords to make references to them. He then explains his theory that the song could be a sign these characters are destined to be together (his words not mine, don’t shoot the messenger antis). He ends by saying he believes that song would be called Ice & Fire and it would be in the soundtrack of the new season.

Now this part is my own analysis not from Maquiavelo. As the youtuber mentions if there’s something consistent around that episode is that everything has parallelisms. Not only between Dany & Jon but also between everybody. Considering the freefolk already knows about the leaks from Lads & Frikidoctor, we’re 99% sure boatsex is going to happen. The boatsex scene according to Friki is supposed to be full of parallelisms & it points to Rhaegar & Lyanna. Now you can interpretate this as it parallels a tragic love story so it could have a sad ending for J & D. Or it parallels true love if your shipping heart wants to see that. My interpretation is that it parallels different endings for their love stories. Hear me out, if the song they use for BOATSEX is the song they used for the dragonglass scene (call it Ice & Fire for now), it would drop hints to their two first love stories (Dany w Drogo & Jon w Ygritte), those love stories didn’t have happy endings, they were tragic as well. The second parallel is w Rhaegar & Lyanna, the love story that started a war. Now a simple analysis could make you say well it means Dany & Jon are going to be tragic together as well. That’s one interpretation, I’m going to choose giving D & D the benefit of the doubt & say that maybe it means they are going to have a different ending that those 3 love stories. Why I think that? Bc they have chose to give us certain hints. One of them is what Tyrion tells to Jon, children are not their fathers & that’s something they keep bringing back as well. Tyrion is not Tywin, Dany is not Aerys (yes stop calling her mad queen, she’s not) & Jon chooses not to judge the Umbers & Karstarks for that same reason. History many times repeats itself, but many times we learn from our mistakes as well & sometimes we can change our own story. If Lyanna & Rhaegar’s story started a war, Dany & Jon’s story can be story that ends a war. If Dany & Drogo just like Jon & Ygritte had a tragic ending, maybe it means the ending of Dany & Jon is going to be different. Now before you start yelling at me that this is not Disney, I’m aware this is not going to be a story w the famous and everyone lived happily ever after. As GRRM said he wants a bittersweet ending, bittersweet doesn’t mean everyone dies & if you survive you’re never going to get over it (let’s hope we don’t end up dealing w emo characters in GOT like in Naruto). But it means like real life it has its highs & lows. You wouldn’t know how to appreciate the happy moments if you didn’t have the sad ones, so I’m sure there’s going to be a sense of loss in the ending. I think everyone knows GRRM has mentioned Lord of the Rings before, yes I know that ending is too happy for some of you, tbh I’m not sure myself if Dany & Jon would both even survive the war (I would like so bc both characters have suffered a lot). And even if they do it doesn’t mean they’re going to marry & have dragon babies together. I believe that if they do marry & the 7 Kingdoms stay as one, it would be a little of how was the marriage of Isabella of Castille & Ferdinand of Aragorn where they were both powerful rulers that didn’t agree all the time, but they were allies in the important things. But well that was my interpretation, maybe you guys have a different one. Btw English is not my mother language, so I’ve tried to check the grammar but I’m not sure if it’s perfect, hopefully you are not going to judge me so hard on it. That’s it, I wish you guys good fortune in the wars to come (PD: Jonerys stans if you mention this somewhere else please give credit where credit is due, to mr Maquiavelo who did all the hard work). Here’s the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9h4P3Nm5S4&t=467s

Credit: https://www.reddit.com/r/freefolk/comments/6rfwpi/the_music_of_daenerys_jon_in_s7e3/?st=J5X1I6P1&sh=527fafcc

[review-duck]

Life is Strange : Before the Storm Episode 1 : Awake

Repost from previous blog. Warning, Life is Strange and Life is Strange Before the Storm spoilers (not huuuuge spoilers but still, so you do you.)

Last night I was fixating on my ps4, watching the countdown, waiting for midnight croissant-time (Paris GMT) to be able to play Life is Strange : Before the Storm that I pre-ordered (Deluxe version that allows you to have bonus outfits, mixtape mode and a bonus episode at the end with Max). So the clock stroke midnight and I played until 3.30am.

You have to know that when I play, I go everywhere, I talk to everybody, so if you don’t, I guess you can finish it in 2h30.

I was really nervous as I hit « New Game » as I was really expecting it, to learn more about Chloe and Rachel, but knowing it was from a totally different studio and that the Chloe I fell in love with in Life is Strange wouldn’t be the same as her voice actress, Ashly Burch (a.k.a the best voice actress ever, sorry not sorry but a 71hrs platinum of Horizon Zero Dawn and a platinum in the first Life is Strange will do that to you. And Borderlands. And I mean I saved her grandpa and fought Baba Yaga for her in Rise of the Tomb Raider so…) wasn’t able to come back as Chloe. I didn't know that when I pre-ordered it, and knowing the reasons why I kind of regretted giving them money. Link if you want to know more.

So in a mix of fear and excitement I started to play and didn’t stop for almost 4hrs (except for some screenshots and pitiful tweets)

Story

No mosh pit for you shaka brah.

The story begins with Chloe wanting to go to a concert, kind of a playground intro as it shows you the ropes. You make your first graffiti (Chloe’s version of Max’s pictures), you talk to some people, you ponder in front of the fire to think about your shitty teenager life and when you try to enter, you have your first « Backtalk Challenge » which is a list of insults/arguments to help you talk your way into what you want.

So you enter the concert and then you meet your angel, Rachel Amber. And it goes really fast from there.

Basically it’s love at first sight for Chloe, and the next day you ditch school to spend it with Rachel, flirting with her like crazy (if that’s your choice -even if I feel that no matter your choice you end up making a fool of yourself) and that’s basically it. The core of the episode -minus some weird dreams about your dead father and some family drama- was Chloe trying to please Rachel Amber and Chloe falling in love with her and Rachel kind of returning those feelings but when you’re 16, nothing is simple.

Although I liked it, it felt really fast for me. I do believe in love at first sight but this story happening 3 years before the OG Life is Strange, I’m wondering how long the girls are going to spend together before Rachel goes missing. The short life expectancy of the game, being a 3 episodes game, is probably the reason why it’s all happening so fast. I’m kind of wondering if it’s not just a « let’s give the gays what they want right away » as we already know Chloe had a special bond with Rachel. Maybe I would have preferred a slower burn. Even William is on it.

The ending of this episode was kind of predictable, with a question that I read a few times « Did Rachel have powers? »

I stayed away as much as possible from trailers, theories and all but I think it was a legit question to have about DeckNine implementing a supernatural element into Before the Storm or not.

Dialogs

Ugh. Okay.

First of all, the writing.

I know we are playing a 16yo who lost her dad, but some of Chloe’s lines were so cringy it made my heart ache. In the first Life is Strange Max had some « loser-Max » lines that I thought were really funny but in Before the Storm, it looks like they are trying too hard for her to be emo. We know, Chloe is a rebel. But shit.

And in another hand, some lines made me burst into laughter. The scene with Rachel where they invent people’s life was really funny, Chloe’s « flirting » skills felt real and spoke to the 16yo me, and that tabletop game session was one of the best thing I’ve seen in a while (I suspect someone with A.B initials helped write that but I obviously don’t have any proof of that.) written by Christopher Means.

…

Some prime Chloe Price as « People can eat a dick », her love of booty and of course her first mention of « hella » were mandatory but the delivery of those lines. Man.

I’m not going to compare the actors with the previous ones (not only Chloe’s voice actor changed but basically all of them -although I have doubts about Chloe’s mom but she doesn’t have the same Southern accent so…) because it wouldn’t be fair. But in my opinion Chloe’s voice actress, even though I’m sure she did the best she could, was flat. Her delivery was pretty monotone and even if sometimes I was hearing the old Chloe in the musicality of her voice, it wasn’t it a lot of the time. Rachel’s voice was a lot better than I expected for the few images I saw before, but in the end it was really a shame that seeing the characters you once knew and loved/hated meant you wouldn’t be able to hear the characters you once knew and loved/hated.

There was also another problem in the rhythm of the dialogs that were in « cutscenes » (meaning you don’t have a say in them) as there was some latence at some points, like a silence before the second part of a sentence or when someone answers to someone else. I guess it could be fixed to make it a bit snappier and more real.

Characters

Chloe Price

As I said before we meet a younger natural haired colored Chloe, and the roles are kind of reversed with the OG Lis. In Before the Storm, Chloe is the one trying to follow Rachel’s idea, trying to please Rachel, to be cool with the most popular girl in Blackwell. She’s not the alpha to Max’s beta anymore. She lacks confidence, she doesn’t have friends and it pains her.

Rachel Amber

Aaaah Rachel. Rachel Rachel Rachel. We heard so much about you. Blackwell’s most popular girl. You didn’t disappoint. Witty and sassy and sexy. Just like Chloe. It’s kind of difficult to trust her, knowing what we know from the OG Life is Strange, so I’m not giving her my heart just yet (you know, the pics in Frank’s trailer and stuff). Even though the choices were pretty easy to do as we know Chloe loves her (asshole).

Old Faces

Funny to see Nathan being bullied, Victoria being Rachel’s kiss ass, the science teacher and the skater we knew Chloe was familiar with in Lis. And Frank I hope you’ll have some beans.

New Faces

I decided that Eliot is the new Warren. Except he may be Chloe’s bf ? Ex-bf ? He left a note about a two month anniversary and Chloe said her v-card had been punched (that was hilarious btw).

I really liked Stephanie, she was really something. Can I please date her instead? Even if she crushes on Rachel.

We got a new bully, a guy named Drew who bullied Nathan (whom we learned bought his way into the team) and we have a new security guy who makes really good music.

Choices

Before the Storm works on the same mechanics as Life is Strange, meaning you have choices to make. The ones you faced in episode one seemed pretty inconsequential, but I guess the game being a prequel doesn’t give you much options to change the story. Unlike Max, it’s really nice that they don’t torture us after every choice, knowing you can’t undo them. (I’m thinking about the paint on Victoria’s face, whether you chose to take a pic or be nice to her, once you did what you did Max automatically say she should have chosen the other option.) Although you have a very easy way to go back with the « Load last save » option which is an easy way to explore other dialog options or other choices.

But it’s kind of hard when you know what you know. I chose to help Nathan, but it won’t change what will happen in Life is Strange. And I was kind of nice to David even though you can’t betray LiS Chloe as it wouldn’t make sense to have her being super nice to him and then angry in the sequel.

But honestly, the best option of the game was probably being able to pet the dog.

Life is Strange legacy

There were a lots of elements reminding me of Life is Strange (as it should) with a lot of mentions of Max that freaking broke my heart. You are able to see Chloe’s texts and Max not answering (freaking bitch) and you had some nods to the LiS plot as Rachel saying she could just leave at any given moment without telling anybody.

The soundtrack is in the line of the first one but a little bit more rock to fit Chloe’s taste, and the bonus outfit with the design we knew as Max’s was a sweet idea. Some line as a guy wanting Rachel to pose for his portfolio. (I’m obviously not going to list everything)

Chloe is also keeping a journal that she dedicated to Max because she doesn’t want to risk her not answering and damn, my heaaaart. There are a lot of little things screaming « Chloe is gaaaaay » and I honestly wish it was a little more subtle (but nice Blade Runner dream Chloe.)

It’s also difficult as a Pricefield shipper to be totally into it, because in my heart Chloe belongs with Max, someone that truly appreciates her, never used her and because we were Max. So we wanted her to be happy. Even if we knew Chloe loved Rachel. But without Rachel there wouldn’t be a blue haired Chloe Price so I have to put her needs and her young love before my own agenda.

Next episodes From the pictures presenting the two next chapter, we can assume that the girls will go on a roadtrip, probably to try to leave Arcadia Bay. And in the last pic, Chloe is wearing a flannel we all know as the “ready for the mosh pit shaka-brah” shirt and her legendary tri-bullet necklace.

So yeah, it’s a prequel to Life is Strange, from another studio, with new actors, but overall it was pretty decent and I’m looking forward to the next chapter (even though they lose points for using Comic Sans a few times.) I really got the feels at some point, I laughed, I got really emotional during the junkyard scene with the car, and even though it wasn’t perfect, I still want to protect Chloe Price at all costs. So that’s a win. Not a huge win. But it’s one. Quack - Monotony of Chloe’s voice Lots of loading points Things moving too fast between Rachel and Chloe Dialogs lacking rhythm Lines that make you want to stab yourself The graffiti are really easy to find You can’t skip forward in collector mode Too much gay (not subtle enough) Most of the small choices you make just change one line of the other choice Use of Comic Sans The time I had to pause the game because my cat was playing with the biggest spider I’ve ever seen.

Quack + Legacy of the first LiS respected (ost, graphics, nods in the storyline) Better graphics than first game but still in that same line Some hilarious lines The tabletop game You can pet the dog All the gay

[serensama]

To Date #6

EMO CUPCAKE IT’S GONNA BE OK! JUST BREATHE SAERAN… The date will be over soon O_O

*Also in my universe V is always around. Always. Because… it’s V.

Saeran:

 -       What do you mean he had to take MC out on a date?

-       Weren’t they already a couple? Why did they need to go out and prove it to the world?

-       HAS LITERALLY NEVER HAD A PARTNER BEFORE HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

-       He chose MC, she chose him = end of story

-       End of story + ice cream = super happy ending?

-       NO?

-       NO

-       Damn it.

-       Gathering what little pride he had, he dragged himself to his brother’s room where he and Yoosung were raiding in LOLOL, Saeyoung laughing maniacally and Yoosung swearing like a drunken sailor

-       “Yo! Baby brother what can I do for you? Wha-Yoosung! What the hell?! We’re on the same team!”

        “It was friendly fire”

        “You came up and decapitated me”

        “… But I did it as nicely as possible”

-       Saeran rolled his eyes and went to walk back out, not understanding why he thought it was a good idea to come to them for advice in the first place.

-       Saeyoung quit the game much to the horror of Yoosung and the rest of his group to chase after his brother. Yoosung begrudgingly apologised to the guild saying something important had come up and that they’d be back later.

-       “Forget it,” Saeran barked to a hovering Saeyoung, “-it’s not important! I just came in to see you guys.”

-       Saeyoung knew he was lying because he refused to meet his eyes.

-       Then Yoosung started in on “Come on let us help!” and between the two of them Saeran couldn’t get a word in edgewise before he screamed out “FINE! WHAT DO I DO FOR MY FIRST DATE WITH MC?”

-       Yoosung and Saeyoung suddenly grew hearts within their eyes as they rubbed their cheeks together and clasped hands

        “Oh my baby has grown up”

        “Shut up”

        “Hyung Saeran has become a man”

        “…Like you’re one to talk”

        “Do you know where babies come from?”

        “Seriously?”

        “I don’t.”

        “That’s no surprise Yoosung”

        “Wait…  so, no one is going to tell me!?”

-       Sitting down the boys try to tell Saeran how most girls like to go out to eat and perhaps watch a movie or a show… seeing as MC was from the same social circles as Jumin and V she probably enjoyed 5 star restaurants and operas… fancy things fit for a Princess… and she was his Princess right?

-       Growling as he skimmed his hand over his face he allowed the boys to tell him where the best restaurants in town were, what he should wear and how he should act: i.e.… be everything that wasn’t him. He didn’t do polite conversation. He barely did conversation. Grunts. Grunts and psychotic laughter was kind of his thing.

-       MC liked it anyways.

-       He called her and asked her out which surprised her to no end, feeling like an idiot he ended up snarling, “Well didja wanna go or not?” which resulted in her chuckling and agreeing. Of course, she would love to go out with him!

-       Borrowing one of his brother’s babies (“If there’s so much as one scratch or one suspect stain in her leather Saeran!!!”) he sped off to pick up MC.

-       She was already waiting on the street looking ridiculously ravishing in a light pink dress that matched his hair… did she wear that to match him? That would be… really sweet actually

-       Leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek and wiping off the lipstick that marked him (not that he minded) MC happily greeted her boyfriend

-       It took a minute before she really saw the effort he went to. Hair quaffed to perfection (thanks to Zen rushing over to make sure he wasn’t going to attack MC during the date- who was then horrified to see the state of his hair as he was about to step out the door), his dark blue suit courtesy of Jumin who had one of his tailors bring something suitable for the date… not one buckle in sight, not one choker…

-       It wasn’t that she didn’t like the new look, MC thought he looked incredibly dapper and handsome… but she always thought that about him no matter what he wore, still, she smiled and tried to ease his obvious discomfort by saying how amazing he looked.

-       Some tension leaving his countenance Saeran drove off to get to the most exclusive restaurant that needed MONTHS to get a booking- though thanks to V they got one at the last minute (he provided the photography that graced their walls as décor, he always got a seat whenever he wanted).

-       He may or may not have accidentally threatened the valet driver instead of tipping him… old habits die hard

-       Offering his arm to MC who looked utterly shocked at his showing of manners he didn’t know whether to be offended or amused (definitely… amused, he wasn’t always the most courteous of people and often came off as brusque even to the woman he loved).

-       Sitting down he looked around at the place. It was pretty- he guessed. The place looked nice, the staff looked nice, the food looked nice… god even the air smelt nice.

-       He hated it.

-       He was ridiculously uncomfortable there. People bowing and calling him “Sir”, people pulling out chairs for him like he was an idiot… people looking at him knowing that he didn’t belong in a place like this with a girl like MC. Like he was trash… he’d felt that way all his life he didn’t need to be reminded of it in a place where he was paying for everything.

-       The waiter handed them the menu and Saeran opened up the menu and saw that it was all in French… because of course it was… and inwardly groaned.

-       The waiter came back and started speaking with MC who gave her order succinctly and then realised that Saeran may have had no idea what he was looking at… with a hand over her mouth denoting her shame she asked if needed a few more minutes to choose…

-       “We have the menu in Korean if that would assist you… Sir”

-       Bitch. No, you didn’t.

-       Squinting his cerulean eyes at the arrogant penguin order taker, Saeran proceeded to order his entire meal and the proper accompanying wine in fluent French. Saeyoung wasn’t the only Choi with a penchant for learning languages.

-       Blushing before bowing, the waiter left the two to their own devices.

-       MC could see that Saeran was putting on a front for her sake, (not that he had to she loved him for being him- not what he thought she wanted him to be)… she just didn’t want to waste all the effort he had obviously gone through for her sake.

-       Their meal came along and it was the tiniest effing thing he had ever seen in his life. Like seriously. He was paying $100 for a piece of meat that was half the size of his palm. What the hell was wrong with rich people?

-       As they were about to order dessert he overheard a couple to the far right of them making snooty comments about him and how far had MC fallen to be with someone like him- and oooooh god normally he’d let them have it, but it was their first date and everyone explicitly told him to be on his best behaviour and not embarrass MC by getting into any fights…

-       “Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know him? Do you know what he means to me? Do you even know who I am apart from what my bank account says? You all disgust me!” MC spat her face contorted with rage.

-       She was making a scene; the entire restaurant was paralysed and shocked.

-       “Come on Saeran, let’s leave this shit hole, their steak was over cooked anyways and the clientele here leave much to be desired for.”

-       His mouth was a little dry from drooling at how hot his girlfriend was when she defended him.

-       Wiping his mouth with his napkin before folding it neatly on the table, he sat up and offered his arm to her again. As they turned to leave, just before they stepped off the dining floor, he flipped them all off from behind him and yelled out, “Later jackasses!”

-       He finally tipped the valet driver, the only nice person in the restaurant.

-       MC was silent throughout the car ride home, her anger palpable. Saeran was disappointed that it couldn’t be like the dates she was used to; he’d have to try harder next time… maybe if he dyed his hair back to its normal red he wouldn’t look like such a punk…

-       About ¾ of the way home MC perked up and slapped at his arm for him to pull over.

-       It was just a typical run of the mill 24-hour diner where they served the greasiest food perfect after a night on the town… or after an overpriced meal that left them starving.

-       They ran into the diner and it was dive, the leather of the booths torn and patched up with duct tape, the floor tiles were streaked with sneaker marks and chipped and the décor so mismatched and hideous he didn’t know what their theme was.

-       He loved it.

-       Even if it was a shonky looking place it was clean and it was busy so it mustn’t be a terrible place to eat.

-       Sliding (squeaking) along the last empty booth in the corner the regulars of the diner looked at MC as if she was the outsider but she didn’t seem to notice or care, her eyes only focused on Saeran. She was doing this for him, he might not know everything about dating or wines or suits but he knew MC- she was a good person and this was her way of salvaging their date.

-       They laughed and poked fun at their disaster of an evening, mimicking the confounded expressions of the people as MC insulted them causing them to burst out in breathless laughter- the others in the diner smiling at the cute couple… they were so dressed up surely they came from a Prom or something?

-       When Saeran’s order of a chocolate sundae came out along with MC’s giant order of fries, they both sat and ate in silence- Saeran not protesting whenever MC would dip her salty fries into his sweet dessert.

-       Really… why did he even bother asking those idiots in the first place? He knew MC better than anyone… and they had already chosen each other… the first date was just an excuse for ice cream.

[kentkennyradcliffe]

Movies

There are few movies that affect a culture, or a people, the way movies affect me. Movies can have a huge affect a single person. Each person has their own story, and movies play a part of their story. A movie could have shaped someone growing up, or a movie could be a reminder of a happy time, or a movie could change how someone thinks about life, their morals, or themselves. Moulin Rouge, The Basketball Diaries, Jesus Christ Superstar, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and V for Vendetta.

I saw Moulin Rouge on VH1 one Wednesday night while my parents were out at one of their nightly parties. They would not let me watch VH1, because my parents tried to protect me from the world and shelter me. I guess they felt like by protecting me, I would not end up like them. So naturally, I rebelled against them. It was in small ways at first, like by watching VH1, but it was an escape for me. My reality was boring, and Moulin Rouge offered some fun. I became obsessed with the movie, hoping it would be on again so I could watch it. I had never seen anything like it. There was love and lust, two things that I had no idea about at such a young age, and a strong sexual feeling about the movie that excited me. I saw the love between Christian and Satine and wanted to feel that way. I convinced myself that love could only be as strong as theirs, and that I would find it someday.

 Nicole Kidman played Satine, a very sexy, seductive woman who could have anyone she wanted, because she was the diamond of the Moulin Rouge. She wanted to be a star, it was her dream, and she was willing to sell herself sexually to get what she wanted. I was fascinated with the lifestyle she chose, and the reasons why she chose it. The psychology of her character interested me, and I felt so much sympathy for her throughout the movie, especially how she died.

 Love was never really taught to me but watching Moulin Rouge gave me an idea of what Love should be like. I learned about secrets and how you should never trust a woman or man that says they feel something towards, because they could be deceiving you, especially if you can offer them something. It taught me about knowing the signs that your relationship is based on lies. The Duke had no idea that Satine was with the writer, Christian. The scene when one of the dancers comes up to the Duke and says, “I can't believe she would fall in love with the writer, oops, I mean the sitar player.” The Duke starts to realize everything he believed was a lie. So, before opening night, he makes them change the ending so that Satine’s character, the Courtesan, chooses the Maharashtra (representing the Duke), instead of the penniless sitar player (representing Christian.) It was the Duke’s way of showing power. Satine decided to give into his power struggle and made herself look like she loved the Duke. She must sleep with him to get all she wanted, which was fame and fortune. Christian cannot stand the thought of his lover sleeping with The Duke, and he his jealousy drives him mad. Satine is faced with a decision to go with the Duke or choose Christian. This is the moment when I felt the strongest connection to the movie because I felt like I was in a struggle like that also.

 Over the summer of 2010, I was very depressed and using movies to make myself feel better. Since my parents had a subscription to Netflix, and I had a Wii, I could instantly stream movies anytime I wanted. I watched so many movies, but one stood out above the rest: The Basketball Diaries. I knew what the movie was before I watched it, because my friends had recommended it to me. They said I would be able to relate to it. I was dealing with a break up at the time and it was my first full year of being completely sober from the drugs that I did in high school. The movie dealt with drug use and the problems that came with it. Leonardo DiCaprio played a very convincing druggie that started out by just doing simple drugs like pills and little lines of cocaine. There is a scene when he was with his friend and two girls. He got lucky that night with her. It reminded me of the times that I have done the same.

 I love to see strong emotion in a movie that makes me emotional.  If I can watch a movie and relate to it, then I know I love it. I like being reminded of things by watching a movie, even if it is a bad memory. Tears are not bad for me. The Basketball Diaries is one of the few movies that can make me cry. The scene when he goes back to his mother, and pleads for her to let him in, was when I realized this movie was like my life. I started to feel his pain because I knew that pain before. His mother did not want to let him in, and he started to lose control and let his anger out on her. I have hurt my mom many times with the words I have said, so it was hard to watch Leo’s mother cry. The only part I could not relate to was when the police arrested him. I wondered what my life would be like if I had gone to jail.

 I also connected with the movie because it reminded me of my friends and me. We were like a less hardcore version of The Basketball Diaries. It started out with four guys that were all friends, and it shows how each one of them ruined their life. My friends and I were the same, we were just having fun, but like the Basketball Diaries we all lost touch and turned out differently. I am most like Leo because I made it out alive. I was lucky.

 The movie influenced me to write more about what I went through, in hopes that it would help others not make the same mistakes. The end of the movie shows Leo on a stage, telling his story to an audience. He wrote a lot of his experiences in a diary, which is what I do. I have many journals filled with my thoughts, my experiences, my bad memories, and my drug trips. I have shared them with people by putting them on my blog, and I like it when people say that it helps them somehow. I think writing is a great way of sharing personal experiences and letting others read it. It is a way of seeking closure and being artistic. Maybe I could turn it into a movie, like The Basketball Diaries?

 I grew up in a family that had no religion when I was younger, so I did not go to church. I had no idea of God or Jesus. That all changed when I saw the Jesus Christ Superstar. Music is like a lesson for me, I study music and memorize lyrics like they were test questions. I learn more from music than teachers or my parents. The music in Jesus Christ Superstar taught me about Jesus. Though it might not be a literal translation of how Jesus was, I understood his suffering, the angry mob of people who turned against him when they used to believe in him, and how Jesus must have felt when he was in the Garden of Gesimonie. The movie made me unashamed of liking Jesus because he was made into a rock star.

 My favorite scene in the movie is when Jesus was beaten by the 39 lashes as Pontius Pilate is counting them down, and everyone is watching. I loved the acting of the Pontius Pilate. His song after the beating was so powerful. When he sings “Die if you want to, you innocent puppet,” I shiver. It is such a true statement he made, that Jesus was innocent. Plus, Pilate did not want Jesus’s blood on his hands, but he literally, and spiritually did. The idea that Jesus was once immensely popular and everyone loved him, then all of a sudden, they turned against him, was little a lesson to me. I learned that no matter how much fame you have, popularity can always be taken away. Fame is not always permanent, because the people control your popularity. If you die while being famous, you become a martyr. Kennedy was a martyr, Cobain was a martyr, even the kids at columbine were of martyr status, though not in the right way. They were given fame after they shot those kids. If you die after doing something that got the words attention, you are remembered forever. Jesus is remembered forever because of what he did, and the world wrote about it and made Jesus famous. Christianity and Catholicism are some of the world’s leading religions. Jesus Christ Superstar showed me the power one man can have by giving his life for a greater cause.

 Rocky Horror Picture Show is one of those movies that appealed to my curious side. I was a freshman in high school when I saw it for the first time. I was at a party with a lot of misfits, hipsters, and indie kids. I was a part of the emo and scene time, which was my entire high school life. We believed in emocore, which was emotional hardcore, and not being afraid of combining masculine with feminine. Androgyny was normal. Everything that was considered weird by other kids was what we were all about.

 Rocky Horror was something that my high school did not like, because it was full of conservative, religious, assholes, or the kids who followed the rap and hip-hop scene. They knew only black or white, no shade of gray. Rocky Horror Picture show was not a black or white movie, it defiantly blurred the lines of sexuality and masculinity. It was glam rock and musical at the same time. Tim curry’s character, Frankenfurter, was something I had never seen before. I was closed minded about sexuality, and thought men who like men were not tough, and looked obviously gay. When I saw frankenfurter strutting around in his drag and singing to Rocky, I thought he was gay. I did not change this mindset, until I saw him seduce Janice and then her husband. That was when I realized he was bisexual. Bisexuality is something I was interested in when I was in high school, because of the scene I was in. When I saw Rocky Horror though, it blew my mind about sexuality. I still believe that you cannot tell someone’s true sexuality just by looking at them, especially in today’s youth. There are many boys and girls who are straight but can be curious or questioning at one point in their life. For some reason, Rocky Horror is the movie that brought the curiosity out of me.

 Around the same time that I saw Rocky Horror, I saw V for Vendetta also. I was already well spoken about my interest in politics and I was listening to a lot of political punk and rock music. I was reading the book 1984 by George Orwell and got into David Bowie’s Diamond Dogs CD. I had no way of tying it all together, until I saw V for Vendetta. I understood anarchy after seeing that movie. I learned the difference between black flag anarchy and red flag anarchy. V was trying to achieve peace and Unitarianism through anarchy. He saw how corrupt the government was the bad guy in command. V knew that he achieved his level of power by manipulating the system. So, the system was flawed, and V took matters into his own hands. He set the people free by giving them the power.

 My favorite scene in the movie is when you discover what it was like for one the prisoners. The main character is put in a cell and must endure torture and starvation and humiliation. She I treated less than human. V makes her go through the same thing he went through. He lets her find notes in hole from another cell mate, and she reads about that woman's life. The woman was criminalized for being in love with another woman. The woman tells of her childhood and her life with the woman she loved, and the when things went wrong. The way the woman writes is very emotional, with one of the best lines saying, “ Even though I will never meet you, know that I love you.” It gave the main character strength to fight through the pain.

 When she is released from the cell, she finds out that it was V who kept her there. She is forced to deal with her anger and her pain, and it makes her stronger. She proved to V that she was not weak anymore, and that she knew it was right to destroy the government that caused all this suffering. I changed too after watching that. I thought what if I was in the cell, locked up for just being me. I realized I was weak too, and I would have given into the pain. V for Vendetta made me stronger.

  These are the movies that I think helped shaped me into the man I am now.

[puresponk-blog]

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why... My Story So Far.

I’ve always thought from when I was young I wasn’t the same as anyone else, I’ve shown people who I am even if sometimes I haven’t the clue who that is, but after everything, I think I’m starting to realise you only know how to live life the day you go six feet under.

From The Start To Beginning

I remember an ungodly amount from being as young as 5/6 and onwards, Im born and raised in England in a small town called Barnstaple, nothing major, I remember our first house, living with my mum and dad, in a very tiny two bedroom semi-detached house. After so long being there I remember Sam being born, from literally two days after he popped out he’s been there ever since. I was to understand why I think why I do, how I am and why? Just a little more so, finding yourself is the worst thing you can do. We are working class and very had much... iv never been on holiday, and I guess it's okay, can't be sad about something you never had I guess.

I remember things, days, moments from living there even if I don’t think of it, I remember walking to school, living next to a girls house who’d walk with me, one of my friends would live two minutes up the drive, another who I only saw at school but have known since we were babies, not so much know just our mums were friends, still are but never meet.

I like remembering how I used to think Father Christmas was real, the little things like the tooth fairy, even the odd few pounds would give me the power to feel what it’s like to decide what I want, even if it’s a sweet, toy car, it’s special.

We lived there for a good few years before moving about 20 minutes more so next to town, I kinda figure this’s when I remember a lot about life thinking about it now.

Everything seemed to get a little more and more unfair as I started to realise that some of these kids would have these new toys, but it didn't matter to the sense that it would bother be that much... young and naive as they say. Mom XY Dad So you kinda got a feel for what it was like living in the old house because it doesn’t matter as much when you’re young and don't remember. My mum is sweet and in some sense innocent, but she absorbs life instead of steals it, take things how it is just she hasn’t had a holiday, never been out of the country, hasn’t had many boyfriends at all, very content in how you just live and take things how they come. She’s into some mellow stuff and loves music, a huge music fan and was influenced loads from her mother as I in a way.

My dad is a little different, he’s into his old time rock a’ billy sound, more vintage metal if anything, his dad wasn’t the greatest influence though… he left him with his mother and didn’t do the most knowledgeable things, I remember him telling me a story of how his dad used to take him when he was a baby and go to hospital car parks and try of kinda not lure but use him as a little introduction to the lady business… and then left around the same year as when it kinda got a bit much I imagine, but is 100% take things when you do and don’t really help yourself if you can’t be fucked… very down to earth and will take anything if he thinks he can handle it, not a serious man at all, also an alcoholic and has a problem.

How & When

When we moved into the new house I still went to the same school, as my brother started at this point, kinda when you’re growing up and hit that age when you don’t wanna be treated like a kid anymore, music wise I wasn’t very varied, but wasn’t into that side as of yet just getting a taste almost, dipping your toe into the pool. This is when it stated getting pretty understandable, it wasn't okay anyway, wrong even but didn’t really know why in some ideas.

My mum caught on from when we weren’t born yet that my dad just wasn’t going to do anything with himself, he’s drinking got worse and worse not going out, treating many of us to the little things, just a drive would be like a two day holiday out of town with the experience just to go out almost… she didn’t love him anymore and used us as a starting point or excuse if you will to stop drinking go out more and live life but never got more than another town.

Around this time it got harder to understand many things, I was getting bullied from other kids for things like how I looked, pale ginger kid who wasn’t that amazing at a lot, as it was more everything at once around then, every day was just getting more tackling, going home to arguing constantly and awful silence to total screech and slaughter house environment… to wake up and get picked on it was just hard.

By now it’s getting to the end of primary school, there’s another baby on the way, I remember seeing dad trying for a few times taking us out but just to the beach the odd time, nothing major but probably proved more I his mind than actually proving something, he must have pulled off another stunt like oh let’s have another kid I’ll fix everything but probably didn’t last long, I remember him having cans next to his bed, waking up and just drinking from morning to day, everything you’d have in a normal home from what I could see was not in our favour, yet I guess you got to take it how it is…

… Anyone who knows what it was like as a kid must know how day to day you don’t feel the same when you’re older, the days are much slower and have more meaning, almost every day was a lesson, so you really pick up everything around you, and when there’s nothing but grief, stress, hatred it feels a lot more than it should do, kinda what makes me think everything stays with you when you’re younger…

I was in school and this is secondary, so the teenaged years are here… It was coming up to my birthday before I even started… not saying from now until I was born I never got anything or didn’t experience a lot, I joined a tennis club which only two people out of the entire school went… and wasn’t half bad at it at all, and cricket we ended up doing school leave play as well as football.

I was the defender in the school team and didn’t loose to any school for four years running, something silly like 9-2 every other year, so I wasn’t not doing anything, more so to just leave home so I don’t have to get shit from each ear about alcoholism or how she never touches him and how she has to sleep in the kids bedroom (Sam & Kane, Kane being the youngest now) cuz she can’t stand him all that shit… but he wasn’t leaving because his one stubborn man when he goes the ideas of pure bullshit in his head… mum would say he fools for his own bullshit…

I asked for an electric guitar for my birthday, which means money, something we don’t have much of, but I kicked and screamed and did this for days, I was in my first year of secondary school coming to 13/14.

They got my one tho, and couldn’t have been more grateful, by this time my music range was the complete opposite direction as anyone who I knew, mainstream wasn’t in my vocabulary… listening to hard rock, heavy metal, screamo, all the old stuff everything under what music stand for when everyone who I knew had the new 50 cent ringtone and got phones and hand this, that, and everything I’ve never thought of even having… so when I saw these guys making these songs which made me feel something totally different than I’ve ever felt I wanted to do that.

But still he didn’t leave, not the normal thing to do so the arguments went on for years… if you can think of crying and how shit is was STILL getting bullied not ever having many friends at all…

I think why I think like I do is because of my parents, kinda like that for everyone... I think if someone doesn't fit in it's because they're weird not because they're an individual? Could be very dependent, but from my experience... once you know you don't fit it, you never really will...

Come to day to day life it was get up, listen to screaming, go school, feel shit as fuck, go home, and feel even more shit so say to day life wasn’t pleasant but the appreciation for things like a roof or food just seemed mandatory so why’d I ever feel special?

By now it come to choosing GCSEs, I got really into art by this time and more so towards drumming, before I even chose my gcses I saw an electric kit in school so when I realised that I could go to this music room and not have to deal with anything but me in a room with music I could play cuz I couldn’t at home made a difference… and I ended up being pretty good when it comes to the drums as my alcoholic father says I got a real talent… as all drunks talk pure shit…

So now I begged and begged for a drum kit… and my dad some how got one because my mum didn’t work but dad worked in a factory…

I remember watching this video of trivium and it was the lead guitarist… and I was real into my music by now, and creative side to everything, in primary I loved English writing about wonders and things instead everyone else loved maths and I hated it, if never know what they were talking about and ever felt good when it happened…

But I saw him head banging with this sharp black Flying V just looking how I felt, and he had hair down to his shoulders or longer even, and thinking I want to look like that… I want the feeling of your hair going everywhere not seeing your face just the look, so when I bring it up sometimes as a joke but being deadly serious on the inside dad was very against it. He was very metal nothing poncey dying your hair like… but mum being very flower power opinionated for me to go for I touched me to do it and do things if you want to and think don’t worry what they thing…

So this pale ginger kid with a broken family who had fuck all to do other than play music and relate to heavy music has now dyed his hair from orange, or brown with a highlight of orange just orange in the sun to black mid length and very unpopular so I didn’t really help myself…

At all…

Coming towards the end of the year I had a little group of friends that looked like me, very emo very scene, very outcast very used to taking shit for literally anyone and everyone… so it was kinda a sanctuary, then the people who I thought were my friends for so much of a year decided to do something which kinda made things worse…

I went to the park where we kinda hung out when I only ever got a pity invitation from one of the guys or sometimes girls, like they’d be like why’d you bring him but always behind my back, I met them and we hung out in this girls house and wanted to check my Facebook and when it come to me leaving I forgot to sign out, so they went on all like five six of them threatened a bunch of different 18 year olds and dealers they’d pick up from and kids from our school… all thinking it’s be because they want to believe it, they didn’t know me so would’ve assumed the worse but shit it was so obvious… so it figuratively no one liked me again.

After that day for a solid few weeks it just didn’t feel safe to go anywhere, do anything I had to stay in this horrid house, I kinda turned to music a lot because I cut my hair down sort so it was natural, I left anyone who ever hurt me and moved towards the same friends as I did in school, the one who lived up the drive, and my other who was kinda raised with, kinda hung out with their friends and then on to be some of the best people and funniest people I’ve ever met.

They were also outcasts just not visually anything, stereotypically they were the nerds, living online with a controller in their hand doing nothing all day.

I kinda always picture the worst happening because that's always what's happened, now a days it's more you choose what happens and not being afraid to tell people what I think, it help a lot when in the middle of the first year I did kickboxing... and was the best in the class, I took it seriously which lead me to ranking up belts twice or even three times more than anyone else, I soon become a brown belt, one off a black but the teacher was flaky and we stopped going, me and my dad that is... I met my first actual girlfriend there, it was the teachers step daughter, we would learn up stairs and we the adults we upstairs we hung out downstairs... she was also not one to fit in everywhere but she had a few friends. After I cut my hair and looked sort of normal I noticed a real change of how people act around you especially kids by how you look, in my mind you can be this or that, but now, it really doesn't matter what you wanna be people are gunna say whatever and it won't bother you in a month? You won't remember in a few weeks so why let it get to you now? You'd be labelled for what you are and that really sticks with people so you might as well be true. My new friends... I liked them because at least I had people to see and talk to and be okay with saying hi when they walked down the hall, but still was not liked by many at all…

When I finished school everyone says your school days are the best you’ll ever have and I I thought If that were true I think I might have to blow my brains out… but it wasn’t easy and after everything that was happening at home and in school something weird happened in my life…

Essentially my dad hit my mum well… he did, it was getting really horrid between them and like I said they did this for years living in the same house but not together like… my mum tried to move out it just couldn’t happen, she couldn’t find work and no council flat or house was ready in a few months time… more like years… but because so when this riot of a show which I’ll spare you the details of (don’t worry it was nothing major at all just it was fucked up) she called the police and obviously I stopped him as soon as he touched her ya know it was just instinct but he got taken away, and the next morning smashing a window trying to get is after mum throwing his shit out. But he left… and stayed with his mother as he is doing right now… 50… btw…

And I was skating at the time, doing not half bad at all and was getting pretty used to playing a lot on guitar and drums, and is what I still do today because I’m pretty good at it, not so much art unfortunately, but I left secondary and all the friends I made we never seen again, it was time to choose what to do with your life…

I didn’t really have a clue with not enjoying a subject other than music art and a little graphic design but nothing major…

Mum and dad being working class they wanted me to be an electrician, they wouldn’t go a conversation without thinking of the money, and I never got what you’d call affection from either when I really think about it but wasn’t interested in the outside so I guess I never had the opportunity… kinda why I down play anything I’m good at because of my own mum and dad can’t find anything to encourage out of me hearing them say how good I could be if I follow their advice and become an electrician with no interest in it al all I pursued it…

All these built up feelings, anger was one... feeling like why would who people have a kid if they couldn't get them everything they wanted... why don't you go on holiday if you could? The worst thing is wasted time which could possibly spend making memories? Depression was also one... and I kinda felt it suited a lot to do with at home... you can't go through all this shit and expect not to wanna express it, even if it meant crying because you didn't know what you did for so many people to hate you? I never thought self harm as a realise until you think of actually having something to complain about, feeling a cut on the outside is sometimes better than feeling shit on the inside.

Now I haven’t mentioned any love life or anything like that until now, because I did loose my virginity but it wasn’t what you would call boyfriend girlfriend… more we would meet and then go with it… but I met this girl, and I couldn’t think of a better time for someone to somehow enter at the most right time?

No arguments, no bullying, I was normal looking and had made a few new friends, and now meet one of the most important people I’ve met since.

I mean I don’t wanna go on cuz like we aren’t together anymore but in a sense it was pure poetry everyday, everyday felt bliss, the fire they say that lights in your belly was roaring, feeling nothing but shit to sunshine for the first time it was one of the best feeling s I’ve ever feel and still searching for it again, I just hope I don’t get to relate to those quotes you see about never finding love again…

This girl, seen the country’s of Germany, Spain, two or three others I think, and yet she want to the same secondary and got spoken about the same way people did about me yet never spoke to her before ever, just the odd few times and one day, as Im walking home from collage who do I see walking under this underpass and smiles… the very same girl?! And she smiles at me?? Not like one of those side ounces like no effort like ya know she’s making pretty darn obvious and I literally thought na it’s cool I’ll look at her she’ll look at me and we will look away like everyone who’s ever looked at me…

And I don’t even smile back so I messaged her saying sorry I didn’t smile back?? Like wtf… how lame… but come a few days later I see her sitting on the opposite table as my friends and later messaged about getting a drink… the rest is pretty much history, perfect if you will… just I don’t think I’ve met anyone who was as serious as me when it come to something so special? Never mind the fact I already did another year of collage to get my level 2 diploma in electrical which I was starting to kinda get the hang of, still not interested but I did it, and yet we ended up living together, sharing everything, thoughts food, bed, house, life, and that’s what makes me think, how can someone know someone that well inside and out, how do you find that agin I don’t know? How I did in the first place I’m not sure at all…

But now it’s starting to get a little more clearer… I read somewhere that once you realise things will never be the same that’s when you can truly move on, another was when you find love it takes twice or sometimes three times as long to get over and honestly you’ll never get over it and yet that’s poetry… it’s not how who choose, it’s the ones who you want to see for the rest of your life because sometimes memories last a life time…

And who can me anymore satisfied with how you can go from the the worst days of your life to a few years later find this soul that’s exactly the same in so many ways yet the differences are what made it fun… I was having fun and I was in love… I think once you know what something’s value is, it’s not to imagine it to be a sad loss once it does go,enjoy what is happening right now… not what was yesterday? I want to think about tomorrow.

What & Why

So I think you’ll never understand what will happen if something will happen tomorrow who you’ll meet or what you’ll be, I’m in a band and we got a festival to play in June, to 350 people and I’ve played to a crowed of 15… and other to about 40? And I’ve been giving for about 3 months, I lost my job cuz I was always late and the people were absolutely awful… and now I got an interview with some of the sweetest women and team ever? You just never know what will happen? Iv applied to a music course to do for a year and after I’m moving to Plymouth to continue a degree in music? And you know what’s stayed through the worst and the best?

Music, my skateboard, my drum kit, my mum, and even the one who can leave something behind which can never be replaced? Memories… I can’t say I’ll ever understand life and I don’t think going about it seriously was what I should’ve done and it goes for anybody? You’ll never know what will happen? So just flow with it?

My Story So Far.

So what am I doing today? What’s made it easier? Who’s there now? Do you feel any wiser? Mistakes are probably the opposite to regret for the most part…

Just because I wouldn’t be here today if I had courage to do something sooner? I might be a hell of a lot wiser and probably a lot more understanding and normal… but what’s made it all worth the story? The journey instead of the destination… and that’s why I think you’ll only ever be completely understood of life is when you get laid six feel under? You just won’t know what you’re doing ever? If you told me six years ago I was going to be make a studio and be with a bad that’s planing a week tour I would’ve been laughing…

Hopefully I can think about what I was doing today in a few years thinking of the most ridiculous ideas and be living it… and I can’t wait…

The Story So Far? Can’t say I know yet… still enjoying the journey, not thinking about the destination, I think what makes it serious, when you care too much about what’s happing next instead of now? If you never do the things you’ve always wanted to, do they happen?

You’ll never know, will i ever know what love feels like again? Does it ever feel like you’ll know what you’re doing with your life? Does it make sense that what’s happening right now is for a reason? Do you ever want to hug the people you never think about touching again? Do selfish people ever say sorry for being selfish? Variety is the spice of life? No one wants to be stuck with someone until their teeth go? That’s boring? Sex is the most fun without laughing? You’ll never know where you are until you realise you are no where…

P.s. I hope you knock on my door, I want to leave Devon without knowing the people who meant less to me think more of me? I want to know that whenever either of us look back, it’s not shit but laughing…

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why… My Story So Far.

@invisible-fate98