#it almost always means they got their followers like pre 2014 when tumblr was kinda cool and full of people and

[13eyond13]

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[simmer-for-hire-blog]

Why I haven’t been around.

Hoo boy, this is gonna be a Longpost™ so I’m probably gonna put it under a cut, just so you guys don’t have to look at the whole thing on your dash. But this is basically just gonna be me outlining why I haven’t been around on Tumblr, and more broadly just kinda everywhere. Also, there might be some darker themes and stuff, so I’ll make sure to put in the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. And before any of you rush to judgments, no I’m not making this post to garner sympathy or for notes or anything like that. If anything I’m just trying to provide an explanation to those who follow me and are disappointed by my lack of posts, and potentially raise awareness for what I’m going through and provide some basic information. So hold on to your hats, because here we gooo! (There’s also gonna be some TMI in here about periods and stuff so if that kind of thing grosses you out then you probably shouldn’t read this tbh)

So I’ve had a few health problems - both physical and mental - that I’ve been trying to  overcome over the past couple of years or so. Most of my problems concern the endocrine (hormone) system and reproductive organs, so if this is TMI, then it might be better for you to not continue reading as I will probably go into some detail.

For about a year or so, I’ve had the official diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, but I’ve been suffering from it for a good five years or so idk? For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, it is a condition that is related to abnormal hormone production in the body, which results in characteristics such as excess hair growth, weight gain, irregular or no periods and - the main focal point - fluid-filled sacs growing in the ovaries, which can cause a lot of pain if they burst. I’d just like to make a note here that I am in no way an expert, so the information here may not be completely accurate, so I urge you to do your own research on this if you wish to find out more, rather than taking what I say as fact. My personal experience with this has been less severe than a lot of cases, I would say. I first started showing symptoms around 2014/2015, when my periods became irregular, and eventually stopped altogether over the period of about 4 months. Naturally, I went to see a doctor, and had maybe the worst experience I’ve ever had with a medical professional. It took him two years (still with no periods) to finally admit that something was wrong, and I ended up having to enter each medical appointment with the attitude that I would need to fight tooth and nail to get him to admit that I could have a problem. But eventually he agreed to send me for an ultrasound, and there it was found that I had a borderline amount of cysts (not enough for a certain diagnosis, but too many to say that there was nothing wrong), leading to a diagnosis being given, as I had a lot of other symptoms. There is no treatment for PCOS, as it cannot be cured, so all the doctors can do is suggest options to manage the symptoms. One such option is the contraceptive pill, which they put me on. I had such a terrible reaction to this that I stopped taking them because it was impossible for me to function as a human being while I was on them, as they worsened the disorder that I will tell you about next. However, when I came off the pill, I actually started getting periods again, which seemed like a miraculous recovery, until something worse happened...

So I was thinking that everything would be magically better when I started having periods again. Unfortunately for me this was not the case. After coming off the contraceptive pill, I had regular (yet very light) periods again. So this meant that the cycle of hormones was continuing normally. For the week or so leading up to my period until a couple of days into the period, where people would often experience PMS, it’s like I became a different person. I’d have episodes where I’d be so sad that I couldn’t get out of bed, and would sometimes barely be able to move. Obviously this caused me to miss a lot of school. I think my attendance at the end of this school year must have been like 50% or something. I’d also experience fits of violent rage, and overwhelming thoughts of self-harm and suicide. In February of this year, it all became too much for me, and I was admitted to the hospital after a suicide attempt. Luckily for me and everyone around me, I survived and was discharged a couple of days afterwards. My memory of the event is terrible due to the nature of the attempt so I couldn’t really tell you very much about my experience. It was a very strange period of time, because about halfway through each period, these symptoms would fade away, and I’d be left wondering why I’d ever had these thoughts and feelings, because they wouldn’t even cross my mind when these ‘episodes’ weren’t going on. It was during this time that a family member sent me a link to an article. This article was about a woman who, like me, suffered an almost complete personality change for a few weeks per month, in a seemingly cyclical nature. Like me, this started when she first got her periods and didn’t affect her all the time. The only difference is that her periods were always regular, whereas I had barely had any due to the PCOS. This woman was diagnosed with a disorder called Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or PMDD. A lot of the information is on the website that I have linked, but feel free to do your own research if you’re curious. To summarise, it is a disorder caused by sensitivity to normal hormone fluctuations that causes extreme mood swings, depression, anxiety, bursts of rage etc. between ovulation and bleeding (which basically means the week or two leading up to your period). For me, this disorder is crippling, and has destroyed any chance of a life I could have had. I cannot continue any form of education, I cannot work (I had a job for about an hour before I couldn’t take it but that’s another story), so there’s not much to do with my life. Lately I have been thinking long and hard about some information that I’ve recently come across. According to the Equality Act of 2010 (this applies to me because I live in the UK, but it’ll be different in other countries), a disability is defined as ‘having a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long term negative effect on your ability to do normal day to day activities’. According to this definition, my PMDD is a disability, but I haven’t fully read up on the legislation, so I couldn’t whether legally it would count or anything like that. I also don’t know how I feel about being defined as ‘disabled’, because mental disorders aren’t typically seen as being disabling in our society and there’s a stigma around people with disabilities being ‘helpless’ and I’m certainly not that, and I don’t want to undermine people who suffer from physical disabilities by calling myself ‘disabled’, so there’s a whole host of reasons why I don’t want to jump to that.

Contrary to what I’ve been saying here, there is actually hope for me. PMDD and PCOS are not completely curable per se, but there are ways to manage and educe symptoms, so I can live a normal life (PMDD is more curable than PCOS however, which has been touched upon in the article I linked earlier, and I will briefly discuss in a second). However, so far my GP has been of absolutely no help, and I fully intend to complain officially because the way they have treated me is appalling and has basically ruined the current state of my life. That is why I decided to see a private specialist. I am so lucky that my family have the financial security needed to be able to afford a private healthcare consultation, because I received so much more help from them in the half hour consultation than I ever received from my GP in the four years that I have been going to them for help on these matters. The private doctor listened to the timeline of events that I laid out for her, and the full extent of what is currently going on, and recommended that I take vitamin supplements, as they have been proven to slightly manage PMDD symptoms, and prescribed a five-day contraceptive which would hopefully get my periods kick-started again, as I have missed the last four months with no sign of them returning. I’m currently on the last day of this contraceptive, and I’ve been suffering with really bad PMDD (didn’t really help that I was out drinking on friday which usually makes my symptoms worse, but oh well, it was a good night), so hopefully these will yield results within a couple of days. The consultant is also following up with a colleague in London who is an expert on this kind of thing, and will shoot me an email if she finds anything else out. Treatment options for PMDD can include inducing menopause early or even a hysterectomy (removal of the female reproductive organ), but I have been told that hopefully it will not come to that.

So yeah, that’s been my journey so far. During this time, it’s been difficult, even impossible, to keep up with this blog. I hope that you understand why I haven’t been able to update regularly. If you have any questions, please ask me, and I’ll try to the best of my ability to answer all of them. If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking with me, and by the way, thank you for 738 followers! I really don’t deserve that much love and support considering I haven’t made a post in months, but it means a lot. I hope this post informed you all about what I’ve been dealing with and all that, and I’ll try to make some sort of recovery in order to keep posting here. I love you guys xx

[musicdeejaysorceress]

Dangerous or Risky Luv Music Playlist originally from July 2018

To all viewing this I originally started this Dangerous or Risky Luv music playlist via both googplus affiliated blogspot and on iheartradio by July 2018 and I am following my creative intuition to reshare on one of my youtube channels, tumblr, and wordpress for both present and future reference. Slight updates-info on when andor where I first heard these songs, added two versions of the corrs songs Dangerous or Risky Luv By Stella Carrier July 2018 iheartradio lists 46 songs Catch Me by Pretty Poison-I first heard this enchanting song around the time I was either 7 or 8 years old via local radio one night when I was actually meant to be sleeping though that is something for another post.

Halo by Depeche Mode(live version)-I am fortunate to have first heard a variation of Halo by Depeche Mode by the 2004/2005 timeframe after hearing a remixed version I think that featured the singer from Goldfrapp. Strangely enough for some reason the song unexpectedly grew on me the more and more I heard it these recent years and I confess that I owe it to my one of a kind/angelic husband in a positive way on why I enjoy multiple songs by Depeche Mode multiple years later. I’m fortunate to have seen this group live at least twice and they do sound phenomenal live.

Invisible Touch by Genesis-For some unexplained reason I unexpectedly got into this song started to like it more by the 2014/2015 timeframe, I understand that others may take this song to symbolize other meanings, I take this novel type of song to be about some type of woman who has some type of ability andor talents in someone’s eyes that maybe she has yet to be aware of yet for whatever reason the narrator of the song is drawn to her.

Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland-This bold song is still thrilling for me to listen to multiple years later despite the boldness of this song, I first heard this song on the radio around the 2006/2007 timeframe.

Follow Me by Uncle Kracker-I am definitely glad that I actually unexpectedly discovered this song on a cd that I had in my early 20s because I rarely hear this song on any of the local radio stations where I currently reside, despite the nature of this song it is underrated as far as I’m concerned.

Dangerous by Cascada-I luckily heard this song by the 2011/2012 timeframe via one of her music collections. The music story of how one person can have such a strong effect on the heart despite being very “dangerous” makes for enthralling music.

SOS by Rihanna-I heard this song multiple times on local radio by around the 2006/2007 timeframe to where I got use to hearing this song and liking the song the more I heard it. Strangely enough it took me hearing this song multiple times to really understand the song’s meaning. Despite this song appearing to be almost about romantically obsessing over someone, SOS by Rihanna is very entertaining to listen to.

Come Undone by Duran Duran-The ardent singing and smooth music with this song is probably one of the multiple reasons why I still enjoy this song multiple years after first hearing it (I first heard this song by around the 1993 to 1995 timeframe). Duran Duran is also great to see live, I am lucky to have gotten a chance to see one of their concerts by the October 2011 timeframe.

Sensual Seduction by Snoop Dogg-The soulful music and the smooth lyrics definitely give this seductive song an energy of its own, I happen to have unexpectedly heard this song on local radio around the late 2007/early 2008 timeframe.

03 Bonnie & Clyde by Jay-Z & Beyonce Knowles-I admit that I am probably going to always find this song exhilarating to listen to especially since one of my earliest memories of first hearing this song was during the first year that I was dating my husband(by around the 2003 timeframe).

Like a Prayer by Madonna-I am blessed to have originally heard this moving/meaningful love song by around the 1989/1990 timeframe though I admit to only intuitively being at least somewhat aware of some of the meanings of the Like A Prayer song after the 2016 timeframe for some. A dynamic song about how being in love with someone can be almost like a powerful spiritual experience.

This Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen-The upbeat poppy energy of this song makes This Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen uplifting to listen to, I just wish that I could remember if I had first heard this song on iheartradio andor amazon music by around the 2014-2017 timeframe.

Into by Ariana Grande-Ariana Grande definitely takes some brave chances with creative effect with both this song and music video. I’m so glad that I am lucky to have first heard this song by the May 2016 timeframe. Undercover by Selena Gomez-I am charmed to have first heard this enchanting song by around the 2014/2015 timeframe I think from one of the pop music channels via iheartradio.

Dress by Taylor Swift-I am fortunate to have had the chance to pre-order the music collection containing this song some time before the November 2017 timeframe. This passionate yet terrific song definitely is one of Taylor Swift’s more bolder songs, a heads up to the curious music listeners who are novices to this song, your image of Taylor Swift being both a wild and creative woman at least in secret may be on your mind after hearing this song.

Nirvana by Sam Smith-I definitely heard this distinctive love song by around the April andor May 2014 timeframe, one of the elements I enjoy about this sing is how innovative he is with this song even with the unconventional meanings in this song.

Perfect by One Direction-I still enjoy listening to this fun pop love song in 2019 and probably am going to continue to do so for multiple months to come. I first heard this song by the 2015 timeframe either from iheartradio, radio, andor amazon music and I do feel that this song is definitely a creative tribute to Taylor Swift.

Physical Attraction by Madonna-I have been a Madonna fan since around the age of 14 though for some reason I mainly happened to notice the Physical Attraction song by around the April andor May 2017 timeframe either from iheartradio andor Amazon music. Either way this push the envelope type of song is amusing to listen to.

Love On My Mind by Xscape-I actually first heard this exhilarating song sometime by the time I was around 13 to 16 years old and this was because I happen to have unexpectedly heard this song either from television (BET?) andor radio.

Your Love by Outfield-A classic rock song that I first heard either during my sophomore andor junior year of high school though for some unexplainable reason I started to enjoy this song much more after the 2017 timeframe after hearing it enough times either from iheartradio andor Amazon music.

Kinda I Want To by Nine Inch Nails-I am previously familiar with this song because I was around 16 or 17 years old when I purchased a music cd by Nine Inch Nails that contains this song. This song appears to touch on some taboo andor unconventional elements still I find this song very magnetic and exciting to listen to multiple years later.

Kilometer by Sebastien Teller –I happen to have some previous familiarity with this brilliant song because I surprisingly heard and noticed this song by the 2012 timeframe after hearing it on a various artists chillout music collection that I had purchased.

All About You Hillary Duff-I confess that I started to enjoy this impressive song after unexpectedly hearing it featured on a radio show by around the 2014/2015 timeframe. Who knew that a song about being fascinated with someone that is mutually fascinated andor interested in you can be an astounding pop song.

Point of No Return by Expose-This is a stunning come hither type of pop dance song that I am truthfully glad to have had the opportunity to first hear by the time I was 7 years old via radio.

A certain “Je ne sais quo” by the Pet Shop Boys-I first heard this magnificent song by around the July/August 2016 timeframe either from iheartradio andor Amazon music by around the July/August 2016 timeframe. I wonder if this song happens to be about being romantically drawn to someone with a mysterious positive quality about them, self confidence, andor charisma.

Raindrops Extended Mix by Stunt-Raindrops by Stunt-This dance song is very amusing to listen to and I am very glad to have discovered a version of this song by the 2007/2008 timeframe. Irresistible by Fall Out Boy-I admit that I enjoy both this version and the one featuring Demi Lovato. Both songs tell spectacular stories of rollercoaster love.

I Would Like by Zara Larsson-I happened to have unintentionally discovered this exciting song after seeing it featured on an electronic dance music themed website and enjoying this daring melody on the first listen. Zara Larsson’s powerful vocals and self confident energy really bring this song to life in a vibrant way.

FTPA by Gorgon City feat. Erik Hassle-Thank goodness the group made this exciting yet sensational song into an acronym in order to be more safely and easily discussed in written form online. I admit/confess that this song drew me in-made a mark on my music listening soul when I first heard this song by the late 2014 timeframe (after hearing one of Gorgon City’s music cds that contains this song).

Circle in the Sand Belinda Carlisle-I am very lucky to have actually heard this song by the time I was 7 years old on local radio around the time I had heard her Heaven on Earth song. I then started to get into this song much more after the late 2007 timeframe after purchasing one of her greatest hit music collections that contained this Circle in the Sand song. One of the reasons why I enjoy this remarkable song is because this song makes me think of a connection to a destiny andor mystical type of situation that appears to be implied in a creative way with this song.

I See Right Through To You DJ Encore feat. Engelina-This song is a very unique/distinctive love song to listen even multiple years after first hearing it (I am fortunate to have first heard a version of this song online by around the 2005 to 2007 timeframe).

Something Kinda Ooh Girls Aloud-This bold song definitely has some energetic and innovative energy in this song, I first heard this catchy song by around the January 2011 timeframe.

Come Go With Me by Expose-I was definitely around 7 years old when I instantly took a liking to this song after hearing it on local radio. Multiple years later, one of the additional reasons why I enjoy this song is because this incredible song makes me think of this being in a love song in a captivating storytelling type of format.

Only When I Lose Myself by Depeche Mode-I am lucky to have become more aware of this dazzling song after hearing it and enjoying this song multiple times via a Depeche Mode greatest hits by the late 2008 timeframe. The theme of how another person can sometimes help you more insightfully understand yourself metaphorically speaking was one of the multiple elements of the song that attracted my attention.

Crush by Dave Matthews Band-I am very charmed/lucky to have first heard this song by around the late 1999/early 2000 timeframe both from a music cd that I purchased that contained this song and getting an opportunity to hear it enough times via radio. Then multiple years later (by around the 2008 timeframe) I started to hear and notice this song play on the radio when my husband and I were residing/living in Norfolk Virginia. The self confident energy of this song appearing to symbolize telling another person how they really feel was one of the multiple themes that touched my soul with this Crush song by Dave Matthews Band.

Gimme All Your Lovin by ZZ Top-I confess that this radiant classic rock song started to grow on my music listening soul the more frequently I heard it via a classic rock radio station and online channels (iheartradio andor Amazon music) by the 2017 timeframe. I also enjoy the courageous energy of the song where the group paints a music story of someone coming right out to tell another how they feel filter free regardless of what may transpire/come.

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer-I actually heard this song either from radio andor television sometime by the time I was between 8 to 10 years old. Then multiple years later, I started to enjoy this song more after I had purchased one of Robert Palmer music collections by the July 2011 timeframe.

In My Pocket by Mandy Moore-I have to agree with those online who implied that this lively pop/dance song was definitely ahead of its time and is definitely underrated. I am fortunate to have first heard of this song by around the 2001/2002 timeframe because I was at/inside a navy exchange store before on the Yokosuka Japan naval base that was playing this song on one of the televisions inside the store.

Physical by Nine Inch Nails-I have some previous familiarity with this controversial yet also fascinating type of industrial rock song because I first heard this song from a music cd that I purchased by Nine Inch Nails by the time I was between 16 to 17 years old.

Only When I Sleep by the Corrs MTV unplugged version youtube comment from 3 months ago I confess that I happen to have the MTV Unplugged version of Only When I Sleep by the Corrs by the May 2018 timeframe after finding this version online via Amazon of the album version of Only When I Sleep. However, I am obviously delighted that this creative MTV unplugged version is also on youtube. It is tricky for me to pin down whether I enjoy the MTV unplugged version or the album version more of this song for each version has brilliant music and vocals to the song. As for when I first heard the album version of this song, that timeframe was around the 2001 timeframe by unexpected chance after I bought some type of various female artists pop cd from Phuket Thailand. Obviously I wish that I would have held on to that cd because that situation is for another post. Anyhow, I still obviously enjoy listening to this magnificent song multiple years later and I never thought that this song (both the unplugged and album versions of Only When I Sleep)would ever take on multiple meanings in my own life in my sleeptime dreams multiple years after hearing this beautiful song with gorgeous vocals.

Only When I Sleep by the Corrs album version youtube comment from around 1 year ago I was actually around 20 years old when I first heard this original poppy love song that is Only When I Sleep by the Corrs unexpectedly via a music cd that I purchased in Phuket Thailand before I spotted their greatest hits collection at a shopping mall in Singapore around the same week I turned 21 years old. I am saying this far from reasons pertaining to bragging andor showing off, rather I am just sharing to illustrate how I found out about this fascinating story type of love song that is Only When I Sleep by the Corrs as this tune seems to be a pleasant tune of seeing someone who makes your heart skip a beat, gives you the butterflies in your sleeptime dreams.

My comment for today Wednesday October 21 2019 Only When I Sleep by the Corrs-It was extremely unexpected how I discovered this remarkable/mindblowing type of love song because I happened to purchase a music cd in my early 20s featuring various female pop artists from Phuket Thailand when I heard this song. Multiple years later, this memorable song still resonates in my music listening soul.

Animal by Hysteria-I admit/confess that I am so late to the party with this song because although I have been familiar with their pour some sugar on me song (since I was around 8 years old) the Animal song became more enjoyable to me after hearing it enough times via classic rock radio, iheartradio, and Amazon music by around the summer andor winter 2017 timeframe.

Because the Night by Patti Smith-The vocals and music are very melodic in this deep and insightful classic rock song that I admit to enjoying more by around the summer 2017 timeframe (either from iheartradio andor amazon music).

Revolver by Madonna feat. Lil Wayne-I have definitely been familiar with this song since at least January 2011 after listening to one of the music collections by Madonna that contains this song. This music collaboration of Madonna with Lil Wayne in the Revolver song definitely gives this song a distinctive and one of a kind type of dance club music energy.

Dangerous by Big Data feat. Joywave-I confess that I started to enjoy this charismatic song by around the summer/autumn 2014 timeframe after hearing the song via a local Washington DC alternative rock radio station and viewing the music video online-the music video is definitely one of a kind as well despite the shocking overtones mixed with advertising elements.

Bad Man by Pitbull feat. Robin Thicke Joe Perry Travis Barker-I am very charmed/blessed/lucky to hear this fun loving song by the early 2016 timeframe. The music collaborations in this song add an exhilaration type of energy to this song.

[stellacarrierimaginationbuilders]

Dangerous or Risky Luv

To all viewing this I originally started this Dangerous or Risky Luv music playlist via both googplus affiliated blogspot and on iheartradio by July 2018 and I am following my creative intuition to reshare on one of my youtube channels, tumblr, and wordpress for both present and future reference. Slight updates-info on when andor where I first heard these songs, added two versions of the corrs songs

Dangerous or Risky Luv

By Stella Carrier July 2018 iheartradio lists 46 songs

Catch Me by Pretty Poison-I first heard this enchanting song around the time I was either 7 or 8 years old via local radio one night when I was actually meant to be sleeping though that is something for another post.

Halo by Depeche Mode(live version)-I am fortunate to have first heard a variation of Halo by Depeche Mode by the 2004/2005 timeframe after hearing a remixed version I think that featured the singer from Goldfrapp. Strangely enough for some reason the song unexpectedly grew on me the more and more I heard it these recent years and I confess that I owe it to my one of a kind/angelic husband in a positive way on why I enjoy multiple songs by Depeche Mode multiple years later. I’m fortunate to have seen this group live at least twice and they do sound phenomenal live.

Invisible Touch by Genesis-For some unexplained reason I unexpectedly got into this song started to like it more by the 2014/2015 timeframe, I understand that others may take this song to symbolize other meanings, I take this novel type of song to be about some type of woman who has some type of ability andor talents in someone’s eyes that maybe she has yet to be aware of yet for whatever reason the narrator of the song is drawn to her.

Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland-This bold song is still thrilling for me to listen to multiple years later despite the boldness of this song, I first heard this song on the radio around the 2006/2007 timeframe.

Follow Me by Uncle Kracker-I am definitely glad that I actually unexpectedly discovered this song on a cd that I had in my early 20s because I rarely hear this song on any of the local radio stations where I currently reside, despite the nature of this song it is underrated as far as I’m concerned.

Dangerous by Cascada-I luckily heard this song by the 2011/2012 timeframe via one of her music collections. The music story of how one person can have such a strong effect on the heart despite being very “dangerous” makes for enthralling music.

SOS by Rihanna-I heard this song multiple times on local radio by around the 2006/2007 timeframe to where I got use to hearing this song and liking the song the more I heard it. Strangely enough it took me hearing this song multiple times to really understand the song’s meaning. Despite this song appearing to be almost about romantically obsessing over someone, SOS by Rihanna is very entertaining to listen to.

Come Undone by Duran Duran-The ardent singing and smooth music with this song is probably one of the multiple reasons why I still enjoy this song multiple years after first hearing it (I first heard this song by around the 1993 to 1995 timeframe). Duran Duran is also great to see live, I am lucky to have gotten a chance to see one of their concerts by the October 2011 timeframe.

Sensual Seduction by Snoop Dogg-The soulful music and the smooth lyrics definitely give this seductive song an energy of its own, I happen to have unexpectedly heard this song on local radio around the late 2007/early 2008 timeframe.

03 Bonnie & Clyde by Jay-Z & Beyonce Knowles-I admit that I am probably going to always find this song exhilarating to listen to especially since one of my earliest memories of first hearing this song was during the first year that I was dating my husband(by around the 2003 timeframe).

Like a Prayer by Madonna-I am blessed to have originally heard this moving/meaningful love song by around the 1989/1990 timeframe though I admit to only intuitively being at least somewhat aware of some of the meanings of the Like A Prayer song after the 2016 timeframe for some. A dynamic song about how being in love with someone can be almost like a powerful spiritual experience.

This Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen-The upbeat poppy energy of this song makes This Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen uplifting to listen to, I just wish that I could remember if I had first heard this song on iheartradio andor amazon music by around the 2014-2017 timeframe.

Into by Ariana Grande-Ariana Grande definitely takes some brave chances with creative effect with both this song and music video. I’m so glad that I am lucky to have first heard this song by the May 2016 timeframe.

Undercover by Selena Gomez-I am charmed to have first heard this enchanting song by around the 2014/2015 timeframe I think from one of the pop music channels via iheartradio.

Dress by Taylor Swift-I am fortunate to have had the chance to pre-order the music collection containing this song some time before the November 2017 timeframe. This passionate yet terrific song definitely is one of Taylor Swift’s more bolder songs, a heads up to the curious music listeners who are novices to this song, your image of Taylor Swift being both a wild and creative woman at least in secret may be on your mind after hearing this song.

Nirvana by Sam Smith-I definitely heard this distinctive love song by around the April andor May 2014 timeframe, one of the elements I enjoy about this sing is how innovative he is with this song even with the unconventional meanings in this song.

Perfect by One Direction-I still enjoy listening to this fun pop love song in 2019 and probably am going to continue to do so for multiple months to come. I first heard this song by the 2015 timeframe either from iheartradio, radio, andor amazon music and I do feel that this song is definitely a creative tribute to Taylor Swift.

Physical Attraction by Madonna-I have been a Madonna fan since around the age of 14 though for some reason I mainly happened to notice the Physical Attraction song by around the April andor May 2017 timeframe either from iheartradio andor Amazon music. Either way this push the envelope type of song is amusing to listen to.

Love On My Mind by Xscape-I actually first heard this exhilarating song sometime by the time I was around 13 to 16 years old and this was because I happen to have unexpectedly heard this song either from television (BET?) andor radio.

Your Love by Outfield-A classic rock song that I first heard either during my sophomore andor junior year of high school though for some unexplainable reason I started to enjoy this song much more after the 2017 timeframe after hearing it enough times either from iheartradio andor Amazon music.

Kinda I Want To by Nine Inch Nails-I am previously familiar with this song because I was around 16 or 17 years old when I purchased a music cd by Nine Inch Nails that contains this song. This song appears to touch on some taboo andor unconventional elements still I find this song very magnetic and exciting to listen to multiple years later.

Kilometer by Sebastien Teller –I happen to have some previous familiarity with this brilliant song because I surprisingly heard and noticed this song by the 2012 timeframe after hearing it on a various artists chillout music collection that I had purchased.

All About You Hillary Duff-I confess that I started to enjoy this impressive song after unexpectedly hearing it featured on a radio show by around the 2014/2015 timeframe. Who knew that a song about being fascinated with someone that is mutually fascinated andor interested in you can be an astounding pop song.

Point of No Return by Expose-This is a stunning come hither type of pop dance song that I am truthfully glad to have had the opportunity to first hear by the time I was 7 years old via radio.

A certain “Je ne sais quo” by the Pet Shop Boys-I first heard this magnificent song by around the July/August 2016 timeframe either from iheartradio andor Amazon music by around the July/August 2016 timeframe.  I wonder if this song happens to be about being romantically drawn to someone with a mysterious positive quality about them, self confidence, andor charisma.

Raindrops Extended Mix by Stunt-Raindrops by Stunt-This dance song is very amusing to listen to and I am very glad to have discovered a version of this song by the 2007/2008 timeframe.

Irresistible by Fall Out Boy-I admit that I enjoy both this version and the one featuring Demi Lovato. Both songs tell spectacular stories of rollercoaster love.

I Would Like by Zara Larsson-I happened to have unintentionally discovered this exciting song after seeing it featured on an electronic dance music themed website and enjoying this daring melody on the first listen. Zara Larsson’s powerful vocals and self confident energy really bring this song to life in a vibrant way.

FTPA by Gorgon City feat. Erik Hassle-Thank goodness the group made this exciting yet sensational song into an acronym in order to be more safely and easily discussed in written form online. I admit/confess that this song drew me in-made a mark on my music listening soul when I first heard this song by the late 2014 timeframe (after hearing one of Gorgon City’s music cds that contains this song).

Circle in the Sand Belinda Carlisle-I am very lucky to have actually heard this song by the time I was 7 years old on local radio around the time I had heard her Heaven on Earth song. I then started to get into this song much more after the late 2007 timeframe after purchasing one of her greatest hit music collections that contained this Circle in the Sand song. One of the reasons why I enjoy this remarkable song is because this song makes me think of a connection to a destiny andor mystical type of situation that appears to be implied in a creative way with this song.

I See Right Through To You DJ Encore feat. Engelina-This song is a very unique/distinctive love song to listen even multiple years after first hearing it (I am fortunate to have first heard a version of this song online by around the 2005 to 2007 timeframe).

Something Kinda Ooh Girls Aloud-This bold song definitely has some energetic and innovative energy in this song, I first heard this catchy song by around the January 2011 timeframe.

Come Go With Me by Expose-I was definitely around 7 years old when I instantly took a liking to this song after hearing it on local radio. Multiple years later, one of the additional reasons why I enjoy this song is because this incredible song makes me think of this being in a love song in a captivating storytelling type of format.

Only When I Lose Myself by Depeche Mode-I am lucky to have become more aware of this dazzling song after hearing it and enjoying this song multiple times via a Depeche Mode greatest hits by the late 2008 timeframe. The theme of how another person can sometimes help you more insightfully understand yourself metaphorically speaking was one of the multiple elements of the song that attracted my attention.

Crush by Dave Matthews Band-I am very charmed/lucky to have first heard this song by around the late 1999/early 2000 timeframe both from a music cd that I purchased that contained this song and getting an opportunity to hear it enough times via radio. Then multiple years later (by around the 2008 timeframe) I started to hear and notice this song play on the radio when my husband and I were residing/living in Norfolk Virginia. The self confident energy of this song appearing to symbolize telling another person how they really feel was one of the multiple themes that touched my soul with this Crush song by Dave Matthews Band.

Gimme All Your Lovin by ZZ Top-I confess that this radiant classic rock song started to grow on my music listening soul the more frequently I heard it via a classic rock radio station and online channels (iheartradio andor Amazon music) by the 2017 timeframe. I also enjoy the courageous energy of the song where the group paints a music story of someone coming right out to tell another how they feel filter free regardless of what may transpire/come.

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer-I actually heard this song either from radio andor television sometime by the time I was between 8 to 10 years old. Then multiple years later, I started to enjoy this song more after I had purchased one of Robert Palmer music collections by the July 2011 timeframe.

In My Pocket by Mandy Moore-I have to agree with those online who implied that this lively pop/dance song was definitely ahead of its time and is definitely underrated. I am fortunate to have first heard of this song by around the 2001/2002 timeframe because I was at/inside a navy exchange store before on the Yokosuka Japan naval base that was playing this song on one of the televisions inside the store.

Physical by Nine Inch Nails-I have some previous familiarity with this controversial yet also fascinating type of industrial rock song because I first heard this song from a music cd that I purchased by Nine Inch Nails by the time I was between 16 to 17 years old.

Only When I Sleep by the Corrs MTV unplugged version youtube comment from 3 months ago

I confess that I happen to have the MTV Unplugged version of Only When I Sleep by the Corrs by the May 2018 timeframe after finding this version online via Amazon of the album version of Only When I Sleep. However, I am obviously delighted that this creative MTV unplugged version is also on youtube. It is tricky for me to pin down whether I enjoy the MTV unplugged version or the album version more of this song for each version has brilliant music and vocals to the song. As for when I first heard the album version of this song, that timeframe was around the 2001 timeframe by unexpected chance after I bought some type of various female artists pop cd from Phuket Thailand. Obviously I wish that I would have held on to that cd because that situation is for another post. Anyhow, I still obviously enjoy listening to this magnificent song multiple years later and I never thought that this song (both the unplugged and album versions of Only When I Sleep)would ever take on multiple meanings in my own life in my sleeptime dreams multiple years after hearing this beautiful song with gorgeous vocals.

Only When I Sleep by the Corrs album version youtube comment from around 1 year ago

I was actually around 20 years old when I first heard this original poppy love song that is Only When I Sleep by the Corrs unexpectedly via a music cd that I purchased in Phuket Thailand before I spotted their greatest hits collection at a shopping mall in Singapore around the same week I turned 21 years old. I am saying this far from reasons pertaining to bragging andor showing off, rather I am just sharing to illustrate how I found out about this fascinating story type of love song that is Only When I Sleep by the Corrs as this tune seems to be a pleasant tune of seeing someone who makes your heart skip a beat, gives you the butterflies in your sleeptime dreams.

My comment for today Wednesday October 21 2019

Only When I Sleep by the Corrs-It was extremely unexpected how I discovered this remarkable/mindblowing type of love song because I happened to purchase a music cd in my early 20s featuring various female pop artists from Phuket Thailand when I heard this song. Multiple years later, this memorable song still resonates in my music listening soul.

Animal by Hysteria-I admit/confess that I am so late to the party with this song because although I have been familiar with their pour some sugar on me song (since I was around 8 years old) the Animal song became more enjoyable to me after hearing it enough times via classic rock radio, iheartradio, and Amazon music by around the summer andor winter 2017 timeframe.

Because the Night by Patti Smith-The vocals and music are very melodic in this deep and insightful classic rock song that I admit to enjoying more by around the summer 2017 timeframe (either from iheartradio andor amazon music).

Revolver by Madonna feat. Lil Wayne-I have definitely been familiar with this song since at least January 2011 after listening to one of the music collections by Madonna that contains this song. This music collaboration of Madonna with Lil Wayne in the Revolver song definitely gives this song a distinctive and one of a kind type of dance club music energy.

Dangerous by Big Data feat. Joywave-I confess that I started to enjoy this charismatic song by around the summer/autumn 2014 timeframe after hearing the song via a local Washington DC alternative rock radio station and viewing the music video online-the music video is definitely one of a kind as well despite the shocking overtones mixed with advertising elements.

Bad Man by Pitbull feat. Robin Thicke Joe Perry Travis Barker-I am very charmed/blessed/lucky to hear this fun loving song by the early 2016 timeframe. The music collaborations in this song add an exhilaration type of energy to this song.

[allthislove]

Dis Kpop rant bout to be real unappealing to most of my followers lol 

But bear with me, y’all. If I go long, I’ll make a jump.

Y’all, I’m old. Okay? Like, let me tell you how old. I’ve been a K-pop stan for 10 years, no exaggeration. Literally, my first introduction to K-pop was one of my friends when I was a teenager sending me a BoA song because he thought I’d like her. This was literally 2007 (or maybe even 2006??? IDK) I have my biases from over the years, but also, I know pretty much who were the hottest groups/solo artists at the time. Like, when time passes and you get a little more removed from your biases, you can report honestly (I also just so happened to stan a couple of the hottest, but that’s par for the course. They’re the hottest for reasons.)

So, literally, when I see newer K-pop fans say artists like BIGBANG, EXO, Super Junior, and SHINee were irrelevant, or are currently, I get a little dumbfounded. Literally at some point, or even now, these were the hottest boybands in Korea. Many of them, in much of Asia. 

Wait, let me clear one thing up. I’m K-pop Rip Van Winkle. That’s a story about a man who falls asleep for a very long time, and wakes up to a very different world. So, my long sleep was college. For a while, while I was in college, I stanned K-pop hard, still. I even went to concerts when I had time off from classes, traded photocards with friends, downloaded songs on iTunes... Then, school got more serious when I started in my major. I had almost no free time outside of it (theatre major = death lol), and so I stanned online very little. I still sometimes watched YouTube videos or downloaded songs I liked, but my fandom became very casual. And y’all, this is a big deal for me. I mean, I was THAT fangirl. I had all the merch, spammed all the comments sections, wrote all the fanfiction, saved money so I could fly across the country to go to concerts, ran stan twitters and tumblrs, like, I was an all-in fan. By somewhere around 2014/15, I had no choice but to chill on that. It was either that, or, like, not have perfect grades, and perfect grades were my LIFE. No joke. 

So, in December of 2016, I graduated from college (university, for non-Americans), and I was ECSTATIC, and I’ve been doing well, having been accepted to grad school and done all this fun shit. So, of course, I went back to stanning. But, yenno, I just went back to stanning Marvel hard online, at first. (Did I mention Marvel? Yeah, I was a k-pop and Marvel fangirl, lol. Real man-catching shit. It’s why they’re always in my DMs, amirite?) Occasionally, I’d check back in with K-pop when something cool happened with a group I loved. Or something fuckING SAD AS FUCK, like 2NE1 FUCKING DISBANDING WTF YG???

But I noticed something. This newer group that I sorta liked when I checked out of K-pop standom had blown up. But, with their newfound fame and success came a new, horrible group of stans. Y’all might get mad, I remember Kpop savagery... but that group is BTS.

Don’t get me wrong. K-pop been like this. Fanwars are like... ubiquitous with K-pop. It’s really funny, when you’ve been far removed from K-pop for a prolonged period of time. Like, the rose-colored glasses come off and you see the shit for what it is, and it’s just dumb as fuck. Like, everyone who isn’t a k-pop stan thinks k-pop is dumb as fuck, or either irrelevant, and everyone who is a k-pop stan thinks all other k-pop is dumb as fuck or irrelevant other than who they stan. It’s counter-productive, crab-in-a-barrel shit. 

And like, I’ve been heavy in black tumblr/twitter during my K-hiatus, too, and like, I’m so used to the positivity shit, like supporting other black women/woc and supporting black-owned business and also feminist twitter/tumblr, like sisterhood and supporting and uplifting each other. So, seeing people essentially on the same team literally tearing each other down and saying how lame/ugly/untalented/irrelevant/whatever the fuck the other thing is, it’s like jarring AF now. 

(Also, K-pop... itself, and often the fandom, it’s just toxic in many ways. Racially... like, the weird racial shit still happens in 2017, and many kpop fans write that shit off. Also, with queer shit, like... the weird, fetishy way people act about queerness vs the straight up homophobic way people react to the idea of legitimate queerness in kpop, and like... lot’s of shit, but that’s a topic for another rant.)

But anyway, BTS stans. Listen, I liked BTS back in like 2014 or whatever, right before I checked out, for school. At the time, they were relatively new (rookies, even), and they had a growing fandom, but yenno, that’s normal for pretty much every newer idol group. My point is: I thought BTS were cool. That “American Hustle Life” or whatever it was was fun to watch, if mildly problematic, but eh, everything hip-hop in Korea is mildly problematic.

So, when I came back and saw them thriving, I was kinda happy. I knew they had increasing fans (many of my classmates who liked K-pop liked BTS, among other groups... often including the earlier ones I mentioned, and then shit like Monsta X and Ikon.), but I had no idea they were like... competitive with EXO until I really had this free time to stan again.

Going long, so it’s under a cut, if you GAF. I write a lot (I’m literally a writer, and writing a lot is beautiful, ask Alexander Hamilton, ask Leo Tolstoy, ask ya mama).

But then the Armys. Mostly on twitter, like, I don’t really see y’all on tumblr. I don’t follow a ton of K-pop twitters, on this blog. (I have an old stan tumblr that I sorta forgot the password to, so IDK.)

IDK, like I said, I’m old. So maybe this is a teenager thing? But there’s this obsession with calling everyone, literally every idol group outside of BTS, irrelevant.

Also, there’s this obsession with believing BTS is the only idol group to make it alone (going platinum with no features!) or, basically, without a Big 3 label to back them. OR, that none of the other idol groups struggled to gain their positions. 

Both things are silly, and to me, say you’re not a k-pop fan. Which is fine. I “wasn’t a k-pop fan” for probably the last two years. I was pretty much just watching for 2NE1 updates, or BIGBANG news via alerts on my phone, and whatnot.

But, if you are a K-pop fan, and you consider yourself a K-pop fan (like I was, pre-2015), you ought to really know better. I consider myself a bit of a k-pop historian. No, seriously, my concentration in college was pretty much performance studies/dramaturgy; which if you know what that means, it means I’m the nerd that wants to know how performers in Renaissance Italy got costumes, and what connection the play Hamlet has to Shakespeare’s relationship with his own son, Hamnet. So, when I obsessed over K-pop, I literally STUDIED it. Like, I read actual books and journal articles about hallyu, that’s the kind of nerd I am. So, here it what I know that I know about K-pop.

You do have idol groups who benefited from the level of fame their Big 3 label gave them, and especially the big idol groups that label had before them (that’s kinda... Ikon, Winner, EXO... not that they didn’t have their own journeys, but the BIGBANG, Suju/SHINee bump really benefited those groups.)

But then you have BIGBANG, and Block B. BIGBANG is a group that literally started out flopping. They began in a time when YG was a hip-hop label, and the idea of them putting out an idol group was laughable. The most similar thing YG had at the time was 1Tym, and that wasn’t an idol group, but a hip-hop group. BIGBANG was an experiment, for Yang Hyun Suk. He wanted to bring a different flavor to idol groups, who at the time, were essentially Korean versions of the Backstreet Boys. Mind you, this was around 2005, when the decision was made. So, he took his kid rappers G-Dragon and Taeyang, and his kid singer Daesung, and he brought in underground rapper T.O.P, former SM trainee/reality TV contestant Seungri, and another kid he had as a trainee, Hyunseung. Some of them were not happy that they were going to be in an idol group, as they had joined YG because it was a hip-hop label and they wanted to be rappers. (Yes, Taeyang was a rapper. He became the main singer of the group because Teddy and them thought he had a nice singing voice. Mind you, they were still very young, at this time.) Hyunseung actually got cut, and eventually went on to be a Troublemaker (lol). 

BIGBANG debuted to mix reviews. They were weird, ugly (compared to other idols), and people didn’t really get them. They had some fans, but again, that’s not what idol groups were. Idol groups were, well, TVXQ. 

Then, G-Dragon happened. YG let GD play around with music a lot, and he wrote these two songs. YG liked them, so he told GD that BIGBANG would record them. GD wasn’t happy about that, either. He thought they’d be his solos. But, it was still a big opportunity for a kid his age to get their songs produced (again, at THIS time, idols did not write their own songs. Idols barely had autonomy at all, back then. These days, a lot of idols write songs.)

Those songs were “Lies” and “Haru Haru”. Both were smash hits. I’m talking, burn up the charts, blow up, K-pop-will-never-be-the-same hits. 

Let me remind you, I was actually a k-pop fan, by then. I literally remember the shift. I was stanning Rain, at the time, because he was different than all the other idols.... who were still mostly doing cutesy shit, and a lot of ballad. 

When BIGBANG blew up (I wasn’t their fan, yet), other companies followed suit, and started changing up their boyband format. The first was probably 2PM (I DID stan them... because, yenno, Rain was JYP, and so were 2PM.). That sorta hip-hop slant to k-pop groups, it was added largely because BIGBANG changed the game. Don’t get me wrong, those guys were already JYP trainees, for the most part (Jay Park was actually a JYP trainee at the same time that GD and Taeyang were YG trainees; y’all probably know the story about YG and JYP planning to make them a trio.) But, I still say most of the hip-hop style in k-pop, specifically, came from BIGBANG. Obviously, there were already hip-hop groups, but they were hip-hop, and the genre wasn’t really crossing with K-pop in a significant way. 

Yadda yadda, Heartbreaker, Alive, GD&TOP, the rest is history, IDK.

Now, Block B. My in-depth knowledge of them isn’t as great, but I know their story.

Block B was another project-group. Cho PD, also, wanted to make a hip-hop idol group. But his idea, I guess, was to go more of a pure hip-hop direction than BIGBANG. (As you probably know, BIGBANG are genre chameleons, while Block B lean much more heavily hip-hop than BIGBANG. This isn’t commenting on anyone’s ability. Block B can cross genres well, and the hip-hop members of BIGBANG do it well, too.)

So, Block B comes out, and you know, they have kind of a smash debut (not on like a MONSTER ROOKIES level, but they did damn good.) But also, immediately, they have controversy... mostly over dumb shit like “you copied BIGBANG!” (Which is also really funny, because Cho PD and Yang Goon actually had beef of some sort. Which also made it awkward, because Block B members actively tried not to mention BIGBANG, even though several of them like BIGBANG. And I think vice versa.)

But, Block B can’t be held down. Like, no. Seriously. So, the thrived, until the fire nation attacked. There was controversy over statements made, over their song contents, all this shit. It seemed like Block B was going to end before they started, which was tragic because there’s a lot of talent there, and nobody wanted to lose them. 

Then, just as things started to look up, again, Block B had had enough with their label, Brand New Stardom (or just Stardom). They straight up weren’t getting paid. They were literally hungry, having to scrounge or ask their parents for food, transportation, etc. It was a mess. So, eventually, they left Stardom, and the CEO committed suicide. It got really ugly. 

It really, again, seemed like Block B might be over before they even started. Which was a shame, because honestly Zico. Zico was a talent that didn’t need to be wasted (this is not shade to the other members, but seriously. Zico was their GD, he’s the Zion.T, he’s the Tablo, and if you’re a kpop fan, you SHOULD know what that means, and what kind of musician he is.)

But again. Block B can’t be held down. They rose, once again. Triumphantly. They came out with “Very Good”, which, like, GOT THEM ON BILLBOARD, and one them their first music show award, and like, blew them up.

And I don’t think you guys understand how much we all cried when “Be The Light” came out. 

And, yenno, lot’s of good things, the rest is history, yadda yadda.

These are just two stories, but yea, no, BTS isn’t the first, or last, to claw their way up from nothing, from obscurity, from relative doom. (I didn’t even talk about all the career-ending scandals that both of these groups had, that they survived and overcame. Seriously, BIGBANG almost legitimately ended in 2011. Why do you think they came out with ALIVE in 2012?)

“But, random old-head kpop fan,” you might be thinking, “nobody did for hallyu what MY BIAS-”

but let me stop you right there, see, because that’s cRAZY, to me. Hallyu been poppin since, like, IDK 2002 or 2003.

Like, who are the Hallyu Kings? DBSK/TVXQ. That’s just Kpop 101. They are practically the reason for Hallyu.

Let me give you some major Hallyu players from the past, eh, 15 or so years. DBSK, HOT, Rain, Se7en, BoA, Super Junior, SNSD/Girl’s Generation, Wonder Girls, BIGBANG, 2NE1, SHINee, EXO. Are there other realllly popular idol groups? Sure. Infinite, VIXX, BAP, f(x), just to name a few. But if you really get down to it, who was leading Hallyu all those years? These are the major players. These are the people whose music, style, popularity, made the world look at K-pop. I PROMISE you. I mean, look up Stephen Colbert’s rivalry with Rain. Look up Cassies record in Guinness for largest fan club in the world. Look up BoA’s dance chart topping US debut. Look up these people’s fame in Japan. In China. In South America. These names WERE k-pop, some still are. (Big daddy Rain/Bi has Hollywood movies, for fucks sake. Don’t you talk to me about Hallyu!)

“But, old lady,” you say to me, “I never heard of them, then!”

I know. And plenty of people, today, haven’t heard of K-pop, outside of Korea and regions where the idols are mainstream. But, yeah, the fact that a lil black girl in North Carolina in 2007 could be listening to BoA, before we had stan twitter and tumblr and YouTube was a baby that only had random uploads and when all my k-pop updates had to come from forums.... that just further proves that hallyu was already a thing. Also, my dear, I bet you’re a LOT younger than me. You could’ve been, like, 5, in 2007. I was in high school. I’m in my mid-20s, many of you are teenagers. That’s also really lovely. I love that K-pop is continuing through the generations, and didn’t burn out as a fad (which is what people have been saying ever since I bought my first Rain album.)

So, what I’m saying is... even if it’s uncomfortable for you to admit... your faves, whether that’s BTS, or Monsta X, or Ikon, or Black Pink, or whatever, ABSOLUTELY owe their success to the HUGE Hallyu strides made by: DBSK, HOT, Rain, Se7en, BoA, Super Junior, SNSD, Wonder Girls, BIGBANG, 2NE1, SHINee, and EXO. THERE WOULD NOT BE ACCESS TO KPOP OUTSIDE OF KOREA if it wasn’t for OUR presence back then. Us, in the US and Canada, and Europe, and South America, who struggled in forums just to get morsels of BoA or Rain music, who tediously translated variety shows featuring BIGBANG and Suju before there were official uploads, who made our faves SO POPULAR that shit like KCON, allkpop, and soompi were created to give us better access to them, who made such a loud impact that companies started making official twitters and YouTube channels for their idols.

I literally watched ALL OF THAT unfold. It all unfolded before my eyes in the last 10 years. It’s INCREDIBLY RIDICULOUS to suggest that shit didn’t emerge because of hallyu; because hallyu was emerging. That’s why you were even able to FIND small idol groups that didn’t come from big companies. In 2007, if you were an idol group from a small company, you’d better pray you got good variety slots to garner interest. Now, it’s par for the course for them to easily connect with fans through shit like YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram (even shit like weibo, which isn’t Korean, but to reach other Asian fans.)

I’m not even going to get into skill, talent, and respect for position because of these things (because that’s a deeper convo, and look where we are already, son and daughter!)

Just... even if you never want to pick up a SHINee album, or watch a BIGBANG MV, let’s not resign ourselves to some foolish notion that every newer idol group owes not their very existence to these cats. This is not a commentary on talent, effort, or anything else. But realistically, you likely wouldn’t have even found them. They also may have never been formed (the influx of foreign fans also brought on an influx of new idol groups. That’s why there are literally hundreds of idol groups, now, versus when, say BIGBANG debuted. There’s so much pie, that everyone is jumping at the chance to get a slice. If there were only fans in Korea, new bands would still emerge, but way fewer, and less frequently.) 

Also: it is entirely possible to stan your bias group AND acknowledge the impact that seniors had on them. Wanna see me do it? BIGBANG is my bias group, but they would NOT exist without 1Tym, or DBSK. DBSK is THE boy band model. Yes, there are earlier idol groups, and ones just as big (OMG I LEFT OUT SHINHWA, WHICH IS BLASPHEMY), but DBSK CHANGED the fucking GAME, for K-pop idol bands. They’re the blueprint. 1Tym is literally the styling for every hip-hop influence group in Korea (them and Epik High, but BIGBANG is more directly styled after 1Tym). Besides that, 1Tym is the band that bore Teddy Park, who gave BIGBANG much of their early sound, and to this day helps write many YG artists’ music. If 1TYM or DBSK had never existed, there’s a large chance BIGBANG never would’ve existed. 

And, if DBSK didn’t blow up so hard, there’s a large chance BIGBANG would’ve never gotten as much international interest, especially in the early days. (The same could be said for their connection to 1Tym, who actually introduced them in the States at an early YG Concert.)

**small amendment: BIGBANG also owe a lot to Se7en, who was their big bro when they needed it most, and also fixed their names right on up. (I believe he named several members, and saved them from Yang Goon’s terrible naming. Seriously, TOP was gonna be Mark. Which is fine, if your name is Mark, but his name is Seunghyun, and YG just liked the name Mark for some reason. Se7en saved TOP’s life.)

So, can y’all soothe my old ass heart and at least pretend to understand the history of the genre you claim to love? Is that alright? Can that be a thing?

No? Y’all hate me, now? Okay... 

Till next time, K-poppers!

[baroquespiral]

The Hidden Hipster History of the Alt Right? (/clickbait)

The fact that “alt lit”, which I had analyzed as the possible aesthetic foundation of an “alt” social movement, collapsed in a series of rape & abuse scandals in 2014 and was almost immediately followed by the emergence of a fascist “alt right” has been giving me really powerful Bad End feels for a while (including worrying about whether the choice point had been my own failure to boost “alt politics” as a yung liberal) the “alt lit” designation started reappearing this past ~season, in the complete absence of anyone I know of consciously writing under it, which was weird  also I’ve been spending time on Twitter lately and realizing that correlation is the tip of the iceberg, which may not even be purely kabbalistic.  In particular, I’ve noticed a growing crossover area between anime communist and anime fascist Twitter - which @nihilsupernum always used to say were the same thing, and I never bought that, but then I was just going on Tumblr examples.  @SisypheanSperg/@Polyphemus_____ (does anyone know what he got suspended for?  I’m too lazy to research) seems like the perfect epicentre of this, and I actually can’t tell what the fuck his ideology is except /r9k/.  All the significant #frogtwitters follow him as do a bunch of /leftypol/ tankies - and what’s interesting is these aren’t Catholic Tank Club-type fascist sympathizers, as far as I can tell, but violent antifa supporters.  their alignment is completely non-ideological and yet they’re also followed and retweeted by a bunch of #frogtwitters.  And what they all have in common is a bunch of formal & generic characteristics common with alt lit - a preoccupation with their “brand”, the “irony/sincerity” dichotomy, insider memes, and tweets that would not sound out of place in a Steve Roggenbuck video.  some of that is purely genealogical - “Weird Twitter”, Something Awful, stoner comedy and 4chan (Steve Roggenbuck once said alt lit is basically 4chan, IIRC) influences.  some of it is generational.  but at this point it’s nonidentical to any single determination.  there is such a thing as a generalized “alt” culture/style/ethos that was, actually, implicit when the kinda dated 90s term reemerged as a cool internet thing - thanks to HipsterRunoff, which used it afaict “ironically” to describe the cultural space around the music scene that had actually been calling itself “indie” for a while.  Hipster Runoff’s writing style was one of, if not the major point of reference for the name when alt lit started calling itself that.  “alt lit” meant not just an alternative to the mainstream of literature but literature that was part of the “alt” subculture Carles described.  the people Carles gossiped about definitely left their basements more often than these Twitter types but there are definitely direct links between HipsterRunoff and “alt” twitter/chan culture: for instance, musical genres ending in “-wave” (again a retro-ism, but vaporwave definitely got it from chillwave, not New Wave directly). so was the ceremonial execution of “alt lit” was not only, as I’ve always held, counterproductive (vulnerable writers from that scene were mostly reuptaken into academia, an equally abusive world where the kind of crowd-based accountability mechanisms that the crisis demonstrated functioning successfully simply don’t exist) but ahistorical?  alt lit was always equated to a constellation of first-order social ties because people these days are pre-emptively embarrassed to periodize themselves, but by now there are too many data points to mistake any such attempt for crackpot self-promotion, nor a question of personal or ideological self-identification per se otoh, even if it’s too broad to be moralized (and the Twitter accounts that fall under this heading are all conspicuously amoral) under a single failure mode (alt right, Tao Lin), “alt” culture as a whole can and should still be critiqued.  Carles himself did as much, not only with the “Alt Report” but with his final pronouncement of the failure of “alt” and call to embrace “auth”, whatever that means: from the problems I see “alt” subculture facing right now, I’m guessing some kind of cultivation of the inner wisdom and resilience (rather than accelerated, hyper-networked “boosting”) necessary to withstand "meme magic”, cybernetic behaviour programming, Spectacle and the stratum of Real Abstraction from which it projects its holograms.  maybe even “getting off the internet” and the charges under which alt lit was condemned apply to the whole.  the “alt” tendency within millennial culture, perhaps best understood as a way of relating online/millennial culture to mass culture and mass politics in general, is the cultural lens of the Young-Boy in relation to Tiqqun’s Young-Girl (I’ll write more on this eventually), and overtly male-dominated (externally and internally) in all its forms (going back to HipsterRunoff, with its “ironic” slutshaming of Young-Girl popstars). all its failure modes branch out from the logic of late capitalist male socialization.  and while people who write and think in male and by extension “alt”-articulated ways (i.e. myself) exist, “auth” lit and politics going forward needs to either synthesize or reject this gendered dialectic.  

[thebiggaylion]

DJ Snake @ EDC Orlando 2015

Happy Thursday, my lovelies!  After the cold weather last week, is it safe to officially consider it spring yet?  It doesn’t seem to matter what the date is on the calendar, because Insomniac has already started getting into their hype posts about EDC Orlando 2018 on Twitter.  Already!  It’s still March!  I just can’t fathom they’re gonna keep it up until November, but at least this year there’s no chance we won’t be feeling the excitement.  I wonder if I can keep up the #ThrowbackThursday posts until then?  Not because I don’t have the drive and desire, but because I’m running out of old shows to post!  I still need to create posts about costuming and such, sure, but if it’s about eight months until EDC Orlando 2018, then that means I’ll need 30+ posts to make it until I have “fresh” content.  I’m sure I’ll come up with something heh.  Speaking of coming up with fresh and exciting stuff, I can not BELIEVE I hadn’t posted this set already.  I finally finished my Index of All Posts, and it’s formatted and working right... and that’s when I noticed what I had left for years past.  My jaw dropped when I realized this one had managed to slip through the cracks for so long, but no longer!  Oh, and there’s two parts to this week’s post if you need them, here and here.  Here we go!

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram If ya’ll remember correctly, you’ll know that DJ Snake and Tchami (and a manager) were involved in a car accident in late October of 2015.  That lead to a series of cancellations for upcoming shows, and it was uncertain whether or not DJ Snake would be making his EDC Orlando 2015 appearance.  I should have figured he would, since there weren’t any announcements about a schedule change or substitution, but this was only my third day at an EDC Orlando, and I didn’t know how things worked yet haha.  This here is part of his intro, which is really the first time I knew for sure he was there. P. Diddy feat. Kelis - Let's Get Ill https://soundcloud.com/stephen-budd-management/simon-gogerly-p-diddy-feat R3hab & NERVO & Ummet Ozcan - Revolution (Chocolate Puma Remix) https://soundcloud.com/3beat/r3hab-nervo-ummet-ozcan-3 5 & A Dime - Pipes https://soundcloud.com/fiveandadime/pipes

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram We’re not even five minutes into this set, but after Eric Prydz performed on kineticFIELD, I think the “mainstage” vibe was feeling a little thirsty for some turn-up, if you know what I mean.  Sure, Eric Prydz is absolutely great, and totally popular enough for a “mainstage” set, but I think putting him between Laidback Luke and DJ Snake was a bit of a speed bump as far as styles and energies are concerned.  It’s also possible we were all just really excited to see DJ Snake in good health! GTA & Valentino Khan - Break Your Neck https://soundcloud.com/wearegta/gta-x-valentino-khan-break-your-neck Ghastly - Get On This https://soundcloud.com/maddecent/ghastly-get-on-this

Download High Res (48 MB) | Download Low Res (7.3 MB) That actually turned out to be a pretty great loop for the thumbnail, don’t ya think?  I just loved the rapid rotation on the colors of the CGI forest on the big screen, along with all the spotlights going crazy.  I’m always a fan when a bunch of tech pops off!

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram There isn’t an ounce of EDM in this clip, but bringing some pop/rock/non-dance music into a set like this becomes one of those set-defining moments for me, it seems.  I think this was so meaningful for me because of what Steve Aoki did last year (which, according to my life as The Big Gay Lion, was one of the most recent experiences I had!).  Whenever anyone ever asks what to expect from a EDC Orlando set, or if they should go to EDC Orlando if they aren’t super familiar with dance music, I always recall this moment (and others like it) as an example of how there are plenty of DJ’s that play very familiar tracks to really create a sense of a journey.  Plus, it’s a pretty wide audience anyway, so bringing in all sorts of different types of music helps engage everyone, I think! Oasis - Wonderwall https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram And SPEAKING of experiences with my previous evening in dance music, here’s a moment that also happened during Dillon Francis’ set “the day before” (Day 2 of EDC Orlando 2014).  It’s a great trick, isn’t it?  He’s still doing it as of this writing (the guy behind The Big Gay Lion noticed in a video of DJ Snake’s performance in Miami last weekend), and I doubt it’s ever gonna get old!  Ya’ll got an idea of what it looks like when I’m recording while dancing in various other posts, now you get to see what I look like when I’m recording while going crazy and jumping haha! Dillon Francis & DJ Snake - Get Low https://soundcloud.com/dillonfrancis/dillon-francis-dj-snake-get

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram I always forget this track was in this set.  I suppose my memory put this moment into the set that followed this one in my own personal timeline of events (after this show, I left kineticFIELD and traveled to circuitGROUNDS for Bro Safari).  Not that it’s terribly important, but apparently this song stuck with me all night haha.  As it turns out, this was a pre-release version of this song.  What I’ve linked below is the official release, which sounds quite different, but that’s the way things go sometimes I guess! contains Boaz Van De Beatz - Guappa (feat. RiFF RAFF & Mr. Polska) https://soundcloud.com/maddecent/boaz-van-de-beatz-guappa-feat-riff-raff-mr-polska

YouTube | Facebook | Instagram His remix of AlunaGeorge’s song had just come out in the week’s prior to EDC Orlando 2014, so naturally he’d put this at the end of his set.  Not the VERY end, but definitely a track used to cap off the groove he was on. AlunaGeorge - You Know You Like It (DJ Snake Remix) https://soundcloud.com/alunageorge/youknowyoulikeit-djsnake M83 - Midnight City https://soundcloud.com/m83/midnight-city

I almost feel kinda bad for not posting this set earlier!  It was so good, but I think I thought I had more videos than I did.  There were some throw-away videos (not posted) of when I must have accidentally double-tapped the record button and started another super short recording as I was putting my phone back in my pocket.  Hopefully you’ve noticed a definite progression in the quality of my videography.  Not just in image quality, but not standing so close and having to pan quickly to catch effects like the fire.  Anyway, it’s not about taking good videos, it’s about sharing the experiences!  Oh, and if you need to experience this in two parts, don’t forget I’ve split it for a more gentle experience for your browser.  Love ya’ll, see ya next time! 🏳️‍🌈🦁❤

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