#isn't that just peaceful and beautiful

[pulquedeguayaba]

.

I'm so fucking tired of everything

Of this stuck loop I've been into since the pandemic started (but more with my current job since June 2021)

It's like a monotonous and neurosis inducing limbo in which I'm further stuck with the toxic cycle of depression-substance abuse-possible adhd and it's do hard to get out

Taking slow and size varying steps but it's not enough

It's becoming worse lately, I can barely tolerate the people I live with. There's nothing I wish more than to have my own place just me and my dog, and no one else, at least for quite a while (except for more animals ofc, the only ones who truly brighten a home without ever giving you bitter moments). Which is hard becos gentrification and still doable ofc but it'd be like a medium-term goal (especially cos I'm not sharing).

Also I've been more aware cos lately I'm exclusively smoking hashish (except for this weekend, and yeah, definitely putting regular consumption of weed aside for some time, for this and other [dysmorphia/dysphoria/ed] related reasons) and yeah no.

And it's kinda messy and got it sorted in my head but the people around me don't respect me (and for the most part I don't care except it shows in certain interactions that have been irritating me A LOT lately) and like don't expect anything from me but some of them are also kind of disappointed in very this passive aggressive and cunty way. And I hate it and I been hating interacting with them (which isn't that often but even the shortest interactions with most of them are enough for me to feel annoyed for a while) and I can't even complain cos they'd be like tf u on? Y u overreacting? So sensitive must be the drugs and again the scenario where everyone is allowed to be angry and call people out be assertive and be emotional except fucking me (apparently is related to the cancer Mars curse, that horrendous and useless placement)

And I just wish my domestic life wasn't this stressful and because I'm a body freak I got all my reactions and ticks in check and so my body has to find ways to let out the stress (even though I work out every day sometimes quite intensely) also this is where weed usually came in but again had been giving me headaches lately plus the binge eating and yeah the smell cos paranoia and again the cycle

I feel so trapped and I feel so stuck

And I just wish I could just one day wake up and being a workaholic and get out from here

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Vibes based grading system.

(for @epistemologys, who wanted some post-canon, teacher WWX)

[schreibvibe]

Liev Schreiber photographed in 2013

[passionpeachy]

"peaceful night music" according to spotify

[bookshelfdreams]

.

[iniziare]

Okay, finally. Tag drop: Shorekeeper

[the-narwhals-awaken]

Bloody Hearts Bingo Day 12

Prompt: Smile, General | Sunshine smile/smile like sunshine

Kisuke let his breathing slow. Despite what many people thought, the main part of his soulscape- the 'welcoming hall', so to speak- was not a charnel house. It was not a laboratory, or a killing field, or a mirror of a place he'd ever been as an adult.

The part he was currently sitting in, kneeling in front of a tea-table, was a noble's recieving hall, every aspect perfected and made of exquisite quality materials. Even the Great Noble Houses- the ones still in prominence, at least- could not boast of such quality, but Benihime would settle for nothing less in her domain, especially in the parts of it that outsiders were permitted to step within. Many presumed much, but those who stepped in the realm of the Crimson Princess were reminded very directly that her title came with weight.

Kisuke poured two cups of tea- one for him, one for his princess. Benihime knelt across from him, her usual layers of immaculate robes slimmed down to two worn over an almost-sheer red dress. Still, she looked the royalty that he pretended not to be. "It will be war."

He nodded, taking a sip of his tea. It was a blend he never shared- tasting far too much like blood for others to be pleased, but the iron tang settled the part of him made for killing. "First Aizen, then onii-san, then chichi-ue." Names had power, and he would not forget who they were to him. "It will be slow to end."

"You will prepare them," she said, relentless as the tide, "they are ours and everyone who sees them will know."

"They will be safer if it is not immediately obvious that they are ours," he countered, watching as she took her own long sip, "if only to allow for people to underestimate them."

She shrugged. "They are young- they will be underestimated. Mark them and make sure they know whose they are- they will kneel happily at our feet and all shall know who we are." The one downside of Benihime's viciousness was a significant distaste for concealing their power and ability to the degree Kisuke preferred to work at. It was a fair point- he often made himself seem a fool for no reason, preferring to be mocked than feared, while she would rather be feared for what they were than mocked for what they were not.

Kisuke had to force the image out of his head. The thought of any of them- strong and clever and growing more so by the day- going to their knees willingly, happily, was intoxicating, and he could not be distracted while planning. "They will lose trust, lose chances- too many people hate me for association to be safe."

Benihime smiled like the sun- sharp and unrelenting, impossible to ignore and just as able to bring things to life as ruin them. "Either they will keep them close because they need them or they will die, Kisa-chan. You know as well as I that you will bring them along and they will be damned because of it."

He bowed his head, acknowledging her words. "Very well. Yet we will go slow- steadily build it up, let it slide under the awareness of those who do not know to look. Let them see and yet be blind, let them have all the pieces and be unable to piece together the solution."

The smile on Benihime's face at his words reminded Kisuke that despite the way many spirits often socialized, space blurring and weaving together, Benihime had always had as much space as she'd needed. "And as for yourself?" She gestured rather pointedly to a clothing stand that appeared almost out of nowhere.

The robes that hung on it were a set that Kisuke hadn't worn since they'd been fitted. Rich and deeply embroidered, the fabrics were suited for a prince- which, despite his protestations, he was. More importantly, they were meant for a prince to go to war in, layers of silk forming armor and each thread soaked in power till it almost dripped off of it.

"Not yet, my princess," Kisuke said, averting his gaze and taking another sip of tea. "Perhaps for Chichi-ue." He stood, running his fingers along the topmost layer of fabric, then gently flicking it back to where it was stored. "Greaves, perhaps? Some form of shin guard, as well. Perhaps a chestpiece, but we'd have to adjust that to mobility and hiding well and I'd rather wait till after this next round of growth spurts finishes before we worry about something like that."

Benihime simply steered him away from the tea-table, pushing him back down to his knees in the middle of the hall, just in front of her seat- a low bench, crafted as elegantly as everything else there but almost understated despite it. "You know they'll have to find out, before this is done." It was the kindest thing she'd said all evening- just as he could be harsh, she could be gentle, though for both of them even their kindest touches were barely restrained from drawing blood.

Kisuke bowed his head and hummed acknowledgement. A weight settled on his head, and he knew what she'd done- long ago, when they were both children scrabbling for survival in the Rukongai, she'd hidden the part of him that shone with his father's power. Now she was returning it to him, ensuring that he could not hide.

A crown was a small price to pay, in the end, for the fulfillment of all his duties.

[llycaons]

I'm also really enjoying the convo thorfinn is having with einar because he doesn't just want to do no harm (I remember his father only issuing non-lethal injuries on the men sent to kill him, too), and he doesnt particularly feel the need to self-flagellate in punishment, he actively wants to do good and work towards a better and more peaceful world. but einar is also right when he points out that self-defense can sometimes necessarily include violence....thorfinn ends up just talking abt this fantasy he has tho. aw buddy pacifism is a noble goal but you gotta think systemtically if you want to implement a largescale change like this. unfortunately they didn't have theory in 1020 ad. also I don't think he can read. can he read?

[pelcrow]

my oc Leah ! she's goin through a lot but she tries her best to be a force of positivity!

[futurewife]

my plan for the future is like after the societal collapse I will find a gruff, highly capable middle aged man who sees me in trouble and takes me under his wing and develops a soft spot for me and loves/protects me with his life. we become a team and survive together. he patches me up when I get injured and hunts down medication for me when I get sick. We snuggle up together when it gets cold and he strokes my hair and murmurs comfortingly to me when I get scared. he like teaches me how to shoot guns and stuff. as god intended for me.

[torgawl]

afterlife geto admitting he's cringefail. we love a self aware king

i can't with the tear though... :')

[guinevereslancelot]

they should invent a being awake early that doesn't require waking up early

[ofyorkshire]

small open because bj should talk about things he likes more lol

          "He really gets me," BJ said, more to himself than to them, though, that could be the teenage-esque dreaminess in his voice. He was sprawled out on the couch, pillow cradled under his chin, and watching Labyrinth. Sarah, the film's heroine, had just met her questionable love interest and antagonist, Jareth the Goblin King. BJ, clearly, was more focused on the latter.

          "Look at him," he hummed. "The hair, the makeup... the way he carries himself. Bowie makes anything he wears look like it's wearing him, and this 'fit is tame for him." BJ pulled his knees up to his stomach to give them room to sit if they wanted, but spared them only a second of his attention away from the screen. "I wish I had that. Imagine being that fucking free."

          Of course, he knows it's not quite that simple. David Bowie was a rock star, and the crazy looks, the confidence, the eye-catching power was just part of the glam rock scene. He could wear a full-body chicken suit and the world would scream to him. BJ was just another weird guy on the street with no fame or talent, and society was rarely as kind to other civilians who didn't fit their conventional mold.

[alkenetalks]

"foreign socials" *American. you mean from the US. pinches gringos que no le saben. first piece of advice is to never listen to someone poisoned by the Hays Code in [current year], we've all grown past that. second piece of advice is to never ever ever let go of what brings you joy; you happiness and well-being always come first and if selfshipping (no matter with whom) brings you joy and you're not harming anyone who's real then there is no reason to stop doing it! and your f/os will love to be there for you when you need it, they're always there thinking of how to bring a smile on your beautiful face ♥

may this moment of LatAm-Russian solidarity bring you some peace to your mind, the world is much bigger than US territory and all corners of it, all languages from there will love and support you

in other, more incomprihensible words of encouragement, sos un crack bondiband ☆

Thank you so much for this ask (and the second one i believe) T-T I'm glad you're one of the people who support me no matter what

Even though this activity (selfshipping) brings me joy, helps to feel a connection to my fav character and helps my mental health... Maybe I should just stop doing this in public, like socials? I just don't want to be hated by people who misunderstand my actions :(

I'm so upset already that my f/o doesn't age, and people treat that like a big deal, so... maybe it is? :((( I know I'm a person who doesn't want to harm anyone, especially in real life. But some real people are weirded out by my actions and it breaks my heart 😭 I don't want to feel this guilt anymore, it brings me so much anxiety and panic...

Sooo, to be honest, it'll be VERY hard for me to stop doing what I did for four years straight, maybe I'll just do it in private, that's it. So it won't harm anyone online.

Like yeahhhh, maybe it's the american thing, maybe it's really the difference in our mentalities, but whatever it is... I just don't want to feel guilty for doing what i love T-T

Thanks again for ur support, я это очень сильно ценю! 💙 This message definitely brought me some peace :D

[goblin-enjoyer]

oh by the corpses I just seen someone on twitter point to when they added first added hats as when tf2s artstyle died. Calling tf2s artstyle beforehand "restrained 50s cold war art direction" as if it wasn't silly day one. "people rightfully shit on cod for breaking its art style but tf2 has been a mess for longer that nobody questions it" as if the game didn't have cartoony gore effects, funny voice lines and general golden comic era stupidity from as soon as it released. Im sorry but that idea of tf2 died 2 years in, even sooner if you actually look at any of the meet the team videos. and at the end of their little "thing was actually much better back in the day" speal they had the gall to go tell people to play tf2 classic. I'm sorry to people who play "classic" versions of games but why is it that whenever a bad take with someone saying that "oh the tone has been RUINED from its original light" or whatever, it's always a git who hasn't played the main game in over 10 years and stopped 2 years in. Like mate, you barely played the game! This period of time you talk about is less than a third of the games lifespan, less than even "the golden years" that the game was like in its prime. Why is the complaint with the yeti taunt glitch that a yeti is in the game as a taunt and not that the glitch exists? ugh, i need a drink. sorry for bringing twitter discourse filth here, just needed to quickly vent a little steam out me.

[lady-shadow-and-darkness-da]

Nudity is an artform and I'm tired of pretending otherwise.