#isn't that just peaceful and beautiful | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pulquedeguayaba · 1 year ago

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I'm so fucking tired of everything

Of this stuck loop I've been into since the pandemic started (but more with my current job since June 2021)

It's like a monotonous and neurosis inducing limbo in which I'm further stuck with the toxic cycle of depression-substance abuse-possible adhd and it's do hard to get out

Taking slow and size varying steps but it's not enough

It's becoming worse lately, I can barely tolerate the people I live with. There's nothing I wish more than to have my own place just me and my dog, and no one else, at least for quite a while (except for more animals ofc, the only ones who truly brighten a home without ever giving you bitter moments). Which is hard becos gentrification and still doable ofc but it'd be like a medium-term goal (especially cos I'm not sharing).

Also I've been more aware cos lately I'm exclusively smoking hashish (except for this weekend, and yeah, definitely putting regular consumption of weed aside for some time, for this and other [dysmorphia/dysphoria/ed] related reasons) and yeah no.

And it's kinda messy and got it sorted in my head but the people around me don't respect me (and for the most part I don't care except it shows in certain interactions that have been irritating me A LOT lately) and like don't expect anything from me but some of them are also kind of disappointed in very this passive aggressive and cunty way. And I hate it and I been hating interacting with them (which isn't that often but even the shortest interactions with most of them are enough for me to feel annoyed for a while) and I can't even complain cos they'd be like tf u on? Y u overreacting? So sensitive must be the drugs and again the scenario where everyone is allowed to be angry and call people out be assertive and be emotional except fucking me (apparently is related to the cancer Mars curse, that horrendous and useless placement)

And I just wish my domestic life wasn't this stressful and because I'm a body freak I got all my reactions and ticks in check and so my body has to find ways to let out the stress (even though I work out every day sometimes quite intensely) also this is where weed usually came in but again had been giving me headaches lately plus the binge eating and yeah the smell cos paranoia and again the cycle

I feel so trapped and I feel so stuck

And I just wish I could just one day wake up and being a workaholic and get out from here

#personal #super long rant l #and like obviously i got plans and ideas #which i hate to announce becos usually they get ruined for telling others #but that also makes it seem like immot doing anything #and i just sighs #also tonight really feeling that death wish but atm the moment don't really feel like killing myself #came across a cautionary story some months ago and...yeah no #but god the deathwish is strong ngl #but then i also think of my dog (always my dog)#and i just know he would always be an afterthought for everyone #and no one would put up with all the special care his meds and baths and everything he needs #i hope that least he can live his final years (he's middle aged atm) in his own place not sharing with other dogs #and me not sharing with other people #isn't that just peaceful and beautiful

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passionpeachy · 9 months ago

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"peaceful night music" according to spotify

#text #the number of tiktok flashbacks I get from this sound #it's a beautiful song but even just by itself you know that shit isn't peaceful

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bookshelfdreams · 1 year ago

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#just saw that tweet abt pink days on the set of the barbie movie & i think it made me realize why it - the marketing etc - annoys me so #'margot robbie went around collecting fines and donated them to charity haha' okay. look.#that's just the perfect metaphor for how it worked for us - me - anyone who wants to align themselves with me - when we were girls #isn't it #because you grow up and you desperately want to fit in with the other girls but you don't & you don't know why #but you're surrounded by things and people telling you what a normal girl is like & little-to-none of it is things you find appealing or #interesting. makeup and fashion and skin care. gymnastics and romance. you're told that you are obligated to be pretty #but prettiness has never been part of your perception of yourself. femininity is an arcane concept #an exclusive club that will never grant you entrance #& the only comfort you can give yourself is deciding that it's dumb anyway. shallow. vain. who cares about looks and boys and all of that #idiots that's who #but this is Doing It Wrong too isn't it? because now everyone who has taught you that you will forever fail at femininity turns around #& tells you that's patriarchal oppression and YOU'RE the bad one by distancing yourself from something that always made you feel defective #'YOU may have never lived up to this impossible standard of perfection but some ppl do and actually it's fine to be like that!#hyperfeminine traditionally beautiful women are the most oppressed group of all & finally we will stand up for our rights!'#'girls can be pretty AND conpetent' but that's not what they're actually saying. isn't it.#because performing femininity correctly is the prerequisite. a threshold you can never cross and you know that. & that's fine #but somehow that's wrong too because you're not supposed to make peace w that are you. you're SUPPOSED to want to do it right #even if you don't and never have and never will #and once again everyone is yelling at you that this club isn't meant for you. if you criticize the barbie movie you're antifeminist #if you refuse to wear pink I'll make you pay a fine #hashtag girlpower #(well im not a girl. not a guy either. and not a secret third thing. just bad at femininity.#bad at being a person. and y'all don't need to tell me you don't want me in your club #I've always known that. i just wish you'd stop expecting me to beg for entrance.)

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pelcrow · 9 months ago

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my oc Leah ! she's goin through a lot but she tries her best to be a force of positivity!

#sketches #my ocs #oc artwork #lloyds ocs: leah #character design #she has pretty constant anxiety that she's taking up space and is just being tolerated by people #so she tries to be funny and extra bubbly to “be likable” and to pretend like she isn't insecure #she has a very early trauma of feeling disposable #and even though she's gained more peace and more confidence as she's grown up she never really lost that fear that she's secretly worthless #in reality she's genuinely beloved by the people that matter to her #she has a beautiful soul and i love her hhhh #she's also crazy good at fighting with a staff so WATCH OUT

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mariocki · 2 months ago

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Edward Woodward stars as The Man (named Frank in dialogue), a neurotic adulterer in midlife crisis, in Play for Today: Evelyn (BBC, 1971), Rhys Adrian's adaptation of his previous radio play

#fave spotting #edward woodward #callan #play for today #evelyn #bbc #1971 #single play #classic tv #shot in the middle of the two year gap between Callan's third and fourth series (and around the same time as the short lived variety #show The Edward Woodward Hour)‚ this PfT allowed Eddy bb to stretch his lighter loafers a little and to play something slightly less serious #not that his character here isn't almost as tightly wound and as internally conflicted as David Callan; it's just that while Callan is #wrestling with the morality of state sanctioned murder and extra judicial execution in the name of 'peace' or security‚ Frank here feels #inadequate because his mistress has another boyfriend (who has another mistress). it's a slightly pathetic part‚ a middle aged nobody who #thinks he's embarked on his One Great Love Affair outside his marriage only to find out that his (younger ofc) girlfriend belongs to a #social group in which seemingly everyone is sleeping with everyone else‚ everyone is beautiful and young‚ and crucially everyone is younger #more beautiful and having more sex than he is. cue some classic Woodward stammers and difficulties and needlings and general #unhappiness; he does it all beautifully of course. it's an occasionally quite funny play tho also occasionally not; the very ending has a #whisp of bleak ennui tho it's difficult to muster sympathy for Woodward's age obsessed loser. the play is also fairly unusual for featuring #a fair amount of nudity (unusual for 1971 BBC anyway); mostly it's Angela Scoular as the gf who's in a state of undress but for any um ahem #Eddy freaks (affectionate)‚ there may be a few glimpses of some side butt to be found here. i really couldn't say. i averted my eyes out of #respect for his craft as an actor (👀)#oh! and in one of the later scenes where he's properly dressed‚ I'm almost certain he's wearing one of his Callan suits (complete with #black leather gloves)

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wreckedhoney · 2 months ago

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"WONDERFUL SHOW TONIGHT, FORREST."

a KILLER FREQUENCY Marie Campbell/Forrest Nash ship playlist on YT

"Good to talk to you again, Forrest. You know, I've really enjoyed our chats tonight." "I guess we've had some moments."

Tracklist under the cut

Is Everybody Going Crazy? - Nothing But Thieves / The Perfect Girl - Mareux / We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black / Night Issues (Nightcall x Daddy Issues) Mashup/Remix - FuturePastPerson / "Bassically" - Tei Shi / Cold Summer - Mareux / Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey / Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty / Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer / HUSH - Ari Abdul / DTLA - Mareux / Make You Mine - Madison Beer / FEAR YOU - Kat Von D / Bad Romance - Lady Gaga / Dark All Day - GUNSHIP / Maniac (feat. Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves) - AWOLNATION

#killer frequency #marie campbell #forrest nash #slashers #video games #marie/forrest (killer frequency)#forrest/marie (killer frequency)#together their first names make the initials for motherfucker :) <3 and i think that's beautiful #playlist #fanmix #“you really plugged mareux 3 times in one playlist huh” Listen. if we're on the assumption that marie is kind of half goth #also this color scheme of their character colors w/ the loading bar u see at the start&end of the game isn't perfect but…it's beautiful ha #gosh im sorry im aware this will be more pleasant listening if u have an adblocker. i hope u do……#p.s. hosted in my sidepiece/bootycall channel. this isnt really what i use/sub from on the daily so u wont get much interaction if any #with all that out the way Pls if u listen let me know what your vibe of this ship is post-whistling night (or in general??) + this playlist #for me forrest was never a target of hate but more someone who Really got in the way to the point of getting on the hitlist #if we keep to the “sense of justice” marie got from him +other strong traits then diff scenarios open up where she considers sparing him #and from there i kinda picture the dynamic At First as Feral beast with Shiny new chew toy (who confirmed Can Flirt Back) but then develops #forrest is bitter/dark/temperamental & sentimental enough to meet her perspectives part way #it all grows into a turbulent friendship that goes into a turbulent romance. and Perhaps peace?? s/o to anyone who's into this lol #excuse the non-fanfic happening in these tags but also imagining them bonding from bad parents lmao but from two diff perspectives #where marie would stab hers and probly forrests once theyre friends if he was hurt by 'em #but i like imagining forrest on more of a “they sucked but it was a different time & they didnt know better”#with someone specifically like marie replying No fuck them severely #“Oh what? Youre gonna get revenge for me? :) By killing their kid who is me? :)” / “FINE Forrest I just might”#and both of them possibly being musically inclined but lol for diff reasons went on another path. they can Play oh boyo this ship's a treat

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densoro · 10 months ago

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so the thing is, cockroach wife syndrome doesn't just affect your waifu. It can get in your head and convince you that you have to be the cockroach wife, yourself

I've been freaking out this year about my smile lines

I was terrified that they made my face look saggy, made my mouth look like a chimpanzee's muzzle, made me look like I'm 50 even though I'm just starting my 30s. I had this whole existential crisis like, 'the internet was right, white people really do age like milk and I've lost my youth and my chance to be beautiful and adored so what's even the point??? llama face, llama face!!'

but then I grabbed baldur's gate 3 for my birthday

and everybody has been so horny for these eligible bachelors with pores and folds and, yes, wrinkles! texture! it's like it snapped me out of somebody else's hentai-addicted stupor. None of this shit makes somebody categorically ugly, no matter how close I lean into the mirror and obsess over every line. These things aren't just 'permissible' here, they're idealized!

I see a weird echo of myself in the misogynist otaku who freak out about this stuff, crying about the sjw plot to overthrow video games by making hot women...look like hot women???

I was just internalizing what they waste their lives externalizing: a disconnect with what the fuck a human being actually looks like. so I figure if I needed a reminder, maybe someone else does, too. You're not ugly, just because your face is less smooth than an anime character's. You're a human being with actual flesh attached

#Den rambles #body image #this isn't even a profound representation thing #all these characters are skinny and most of them are white #this is just acknowledging that we've backslid even from 'a narrow slice of human beauty standards'#to 'you literally have to be a fuckable cartoon character'#and god it's not even just about attractiveness #because I've been obsessively measuring everybody's nasolabial folds this year #I noticed them on the goddamn 15 year old in the Barbie movie #aging is a beautiful thing I need to make peace with but this isn't even about that #this is just how human beings are shaped #we pop out of the birth canal looking like this #cockroach wife syndrome #will this make sense to anyone but me?

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futurewife · 3 months ago

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my plan for the future is like after the societal collapse I will find a gruff, highly capable middle aged man who sees me in trouble and takes me under his wing and develops a soft spot for me and loves/protects me with his life. we become a team and survive together. he patches me up when I get injured and hunts down medication for me when I get sick. We snuggle up together when it gets cold and he strokes my hair and murmurs comfortingly to me when I get scared. he like teaches me how to shoot guns and stuff. as god intended for me.

#/lh #and he looks just like j.osh b.rolin. isn't that crazy #eventually we find a safe place and start farming or something and it's beautiful peaceful and full of sunshine #I probably would end up having to bury him though but he taught me everything and his memory and love are forever stamped on my heart?#he would also be my first love bc the apocalypse got in the way of me yknow... having a normal 20 something experience 🥺#so YES he's my first time. he wants me to know what it's like to be loved by a man. and held. and treated gently #he wants me to feel beautiful and soft despite our circumstances #GODDDD

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naydralikessoup · 4 months ago

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indie game....... save me indie game.........

#wandersong....... it is in my brain........#disco elysium is next on the list.... but there's no way it was so tailored for specifically me??#it seems like a fantastic game that i can't wait to play #but. ......... game #gameing #your dreams can come true.........#if you stay true to yourself and stay kind.........#art isn't useless and in fact is vital to the world we live in...........#i was also thinking about the idea of world peace or a 'utopia'#and how it crops up in all sorts of religions and philosophies #from (the single analysis of it that i've read) daoism to christianity to communism to funny bard game......#the idea of a peaceful world where we can all work together is so common and always so beautiful to me #don't care if it's naive that's not what i'm concerned about #the real question it raises to me is whether it would really have a place for everyone #is anyone born violent?#and even if violence is always learned #what do you do in a world like that if you've already learned it?#is it the first thread to go as the world unravels?#or can it be part of the harmony?#can it always be unlearned? what if you don't want to?#would forcing it not just be more violence?#it's a similar concept to tolerating the intolerant #does a gentle world like that have a place for violence?#maybe not and that's what makes it beautiful #but being so exclusive..... would it really give everyone a home? everyone?#sigh #thinking about audrey and how it's implied that she destroyed herself because she chose violence in what was becoming a peaceful world #chose death over rebirth #could there ever have been a place for her in the new world?#would she ever have wanted one?

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rivilu · 2 years ago

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While we all know about Hawke's character-assasination in inquisition, I personally remain.. preplexed? a morbid kind of impressed? with how that game also managed to butcher my Warden with only about 5 lines of dialogue referring to him and a letter.

#dragon age #dai critical #mostly everything leliana says #because look. they were friends in origins. But it was doomed from the get-go #and that's kind of the beauty of it in origins isn't it? The setting of war makes a lot of room for relationships that would in any other-#place in time- any other scenario be impossible- to happen!#for Orion this applies to Sten and Morrigan too.#The whole thing of- one day you will walk out of Denerim and into a life that will entirely contrast my every value;#Stealing Dalish artifacts. Becoming Arishok. Working as left hand of the Divine.#Next time we see eachother chances are we will no longer be on the same side #we both know this but tonight we still gather around the campfire. we still sing. we still laugh; exchange gifts and talk about the world.#it's bittersweet yes but it's the type of tragedy that feels like everyone involved already knows and is at peace about it #So when inquisition comes around and Leliana tells me Orion is still a close friend of hers? It feels like it cheapens the whole thing #Yes the devs can't possibly account for every possible way either installment can be played just for those small moments #But that is WHY they should either be bringing the old protagonists back as playable or simply not include them at all #The warden I made would not even leave room to question that he and leli are now on hostile terms #and he CERTAINLY would not send a polite little letter to a force whose purpose is to restore the chantry to power #And then you have the throne room chatter. which i straight up hate im not going to be poetic about it #the fucking da keep remains horrendous #oh we desperately need to have shithead npcs shittalk the hof . what? your hof did NOTHING that would warrant that? haha too bad #you simply can't pick what you actually DID in those quests #You found Bevin didnt take the sword and just gave them 5 gold out of the goodness of your heart? No you didnt #You just persuaded the random mercenaries in the gnawed noble tavern to leave? No you killed them #it infuriates me

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torgawl · 1 year ago

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afterlife geto admitting he's cringefail. we love a self aware king

i can't with the tear though... :')

#this moment is so... genuinely sweet #gojo being openly vulnerable hits hard #i'm so emotional reading this stupid chapter #gojo only being able to be himself without restrains with geto... getting to see a geto who isn't tainted by his trauma... him showing how #much he wished to be there for gojo and how he basically took that regret with him (i was gonna say to his grave lol)#okay but how come geto has no part of rip boy not even resting imagine peace shsjdhdjjddn but anyways #it's really cool to see gojo empathised with sukuna despite everything #idk it's just sweet that he wanted to teach sukuna about love #maybe because that's what made it worthy for gojo because that's what saved him despite all the twisted karma he has #it's almost refreshing seeing the word be seen in a good lighting when throughout the manga it has always been introduced as dangerous #gojo having suffered the consequences still saying no but this... this is what's worth living/fighting for. that's kinda beautiful #jjk spoilers

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crystalsandbubbletea · 9 months ago

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If you're gonna say transphobic shit then stay the fuck off the trans tags. You are not fucking welcomed here. I am looking at you TERFS and radfems who say transphobic shit and tag it as 'Trans'. We don't want your white supremacist shit near our communities you sickos.

TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN, AND TRANS MEN ARE MEN. THERE IS NO COUNTERCLAIM BECAUSE IT IS THE TRUTH. 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

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guinevereslancelot · 1 year ago

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they should invent a being awake early that doesn't require waking up early

#woke up at 4:30 two days ago im still recovering 😞#then 7am yesterday and today which isn't crazy early but it i for me lol #ive been going to bed at 9pm its still not enough im sooo tired all the time lol #like im up early to do manual labor also which doesn't help but i think i would be exhausted anyway #but early morning is so beautiful and magical and peaceful i love it i just hate waking up early so much #this has been a shitpost

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ofyorkshire · 10 months ago

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small open because bj should talk about things he likes more lol

"He really gets me," BJ said, more to himself than to them, though, that could be the teenage-esque dreaminess in his voice. He was sprawled out on the couch, pillow cradled under his chin, and watching Labyrinth. Sarah, the film's heroine, had just met her questionable love interest and antagonist, Jareth the Goblin King. BJ, clearly, was more focused on the latter.

"Look at him," he hummed. "The hair, the makeup... the way he carries himself. Bowie makes anything he wears look like it's wearing him, and this 'fit is tame for him." BJ pulled his knees up to his stomach to give them room to sit if they wanted, but spared them only a second of his attention away from the screen. "I wish I had that. Imagine being that fucking free."

Of course, he knows it's not quite that simple. David Bowie was a rock star, and the crazy looks, the confidence, the eye-catching power was just part of the glam rock scene. He could wear a full-body chicken suit and the world would scream to him. BJ was just another weird guy on the street with no fame or talent, and society was rarely as kind to other civilians who didn't fit their conventional mold.

#deals with the devil [open];#the one who got away [post-canon verse];#bj very loudly in my head today: did you know david bowie is my idol? also i am gay.#me for the gazillionth time: we know.#(**ignoring that bj. does say he isn't gay in the novels. and feels like a girl inside. bc i think. that def points to him being trans.)#(except peace seems to forget that for the rest of the series and it's never mentioned at all in the films which #is more the basis of my portrayal. so. i feel like i would like to mix the two? maybe? bj uses he/him pronouns but is fluid.)#(or more likely just exists in the space of 'idc what you call me. my gender is 'space invader'.' LMAO.)#(at least until i explore further and figure out more about what he wants and what he's telling me.)#(gender is weird and but whatever it is bj loves men. women are aesthetically beautiful and he's most comfy with them but he loves men.)

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sistress · 1 year ago

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#sometimes i wish i could tell my mutuals that the discourse isn't worth it without sounding like That Kinda Person ykno #but as someone who was caught up in that sort of discourse around like 2016 or so i assure you it is a waste of time #it's infighting that doesn't need to happen. it Seems like it's reflective of the real world but once you pull yourself out of it #you realise that it's just a bunch of very online back and forth when reality is all peace and love in that department; outliers are few #this could honestly apply to a lot of things #anyone can do whatever they want forever. internalise that repeatedly every day and without exception.#identify root causes and support each other in dismantling them #all the drama people talk about i simply Do Not See Anymore because i'm not caught up in it; the world is beautiful once you disengage #anyway sorry for the vague meta discourse #peace and love!!! 777

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t4tbedehopmar · 2 years ago

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too many conversations at once fkshjdjsks

here have my boyfriend for ur viewing pleasure

#isn't he beautiful? ofc he is he's the most beautiful guy EVER <333 #YEAH YEAH I'M GAY SO WHAT IDC just let me hop post in peace ok...? ok :]

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