#is vaild and real bc it is'

[contradictory-label-culture-is]

Contradictory label culture is using multiple labels for different situations and blogs bc:

1. Umbrella terms are easier in certain situations.

2. I'm lazy.

3. They're not my partner, so it's not any of their business tbh.

4. Sometimes it just comes up because I wanna let people know their vaild.

5. I overshare randomly. 🤷🏻

Real 🔥🔥💗

[pluralqqueers]

So i dont rlly like syscourse but i still interact bc i like being informed but-

Anti endos are making a LITERAL mockery of systems in general.

(Pt; Anti endos are making a literal mockery of systems in general.)

They claim so much about endos, they're so unbelievably ableist- most anti endos are, from what ive seen and can tell, are older then most endo systems.

They are harassing children! And then claim we're at fault for being ableist to DID systems?

Trauma is trauma if it made you traumatized.

I was traumatized from arguments. I get anxiety when interacting with an entire fandom. I have other trauma, too! But those other traumatic events? That are seen as "real" trauma?

Thats not what formed my system. Arguements, ONLINE arguments, the constant harassment of people, THATS what caused my system.

And... To Anti endos? Thats invaild. Thats not "real" trauma, so i cant be a system from that. Im just delusional, i formed from my real trauma!

DID/Trauma is teh only vaild way to be a system!

...

Thats not true. Not at ALL.

You can be a system from immersive/maladaptive daydreaming

You can be a system from willing it into existence.

You can be a system from depression, loneliness, etc!

Being a System is widely misunderstood, so is Autism. They arent the same, but they have similarities.

They're under researched, they're misunderstood, they're stereotyped to hell and back. So are other under researched things.

You CANT tell someone they arent real. Thats, in my book, harassment, and for some people? Could be all they need to pull that trigger, they arent real anyways, right?

but thats still a physical person, pulling that trigger.

In what world is it "okay" to harass, suicide bait, or any other form of aggression someone over something you wont learn about?

Something, SOMEONE you REFUSE to learn about?

What are youre reasons? Your sources, your proof?

Or is it fun to threaten sexual assult (/ref), is it fun to scream at people they dont belong, they arent real, that theyre ableist and fake?

Is that the solution to ANYTHING?

Cant we just.. Educate? Be civilized? Be kind? At all?

Or are these things a foreign concept to Anti endos, to people who exclude those who dont deserve it?

Are humans not social creatures?

Do we systems who are any form of non-traumagenic/nondisordered not deserve the kindness of simple existence, if we arent harming ANYONE?

Anti endos and Sysmeds ruin the hope of getting better for (proendo) systems, those who work toward final fusion or functional multiplicity (i forgot what its called 0-0)

Because sysmeds/anti endos will fakeclaim anyone who has anything that fits theyre criteria.

[manwiththemagic]

spn s1 ep3 "Dead in the water"

more rewatch notes/commentary I have while watching!! :9

Ew Wisconsin okay...

“guys don't like buff girls.” WHO ASKED?? dumbahh person of the week. I don't even REMEMBER this episode and honestly, I blame you pal. I. Blame. You.

“be careful.” Okay so she's going to die then.

I wish I lived on a lake :(((

HELP THE SLOWMO... uhhh rip girl?? Ig..

Why does Dean look actually insane. He has like 100 newspapers, and his scribbling out faces and circling others 😭😭 i'd call the cops tbh..

Episode three, and second chick we see hitting on dean. It's just bc of his long eyelashes I bet.

LMAO “can I... get you anything else? 😏” “just the check please ☺️” LOVE YOU SAM.

The way dean immediately gives up trying to convince Sam about hookups bc lil bro is still distraught about jess. Like yeah... no way is a hookup gonna seem "fun" to a grieving man

The side eye Sam gives dean when he's telling him about how the people had a funeral for a missing person.

“a funeral?” “yeah for closure or whatever” “closure? What closure. People don't just disappear Dean, others just stop looking for them.” WOAH NELLY... I get it. Bro wants to find dad, dad to find monster, monster to be KKKKKKKKKILLED‼️

vaild.

Okay so Sam is tweaking because he wants to find John, and Dean is— NO WAY HE JUST SAID THAT. “im sick of the attitude.” DAD DEAN CHAT!! also no way he pulled the "I've been with him everyday for the past two years while you were off at school—" BRO.

Great more depressed. old. MEN.

does the loch ness monster exist?

Oh shoot broke dam!! More like... Dam I'm BROKE!!

Dean being good with kids part 1!! Also this is why I have a hard time believing he's so bad with Jack like... LOOK ST THIS.

Dean and his 3 woman in three episodes.

“must be hard with your sense of direction.. trying to find your way to a decent pickup line.” HEYOOOOO!! she ate that.

“‘i love kids’?? You don't even like kids.” “yes I do!” “name 3 kids that you even know.” LMAO NOT SAM GATEKEEPING KIDS LIKE ITS AN INDIE BAND!!! also yes he likes kids, he literally raised you Sam wtfdym?

Wait so late monsters do exist?? THE LOCH NESS IS CANON?? just not here..? Damn I thought since bigfoot was fake that would be too.

I'm pretty sure it's some ghost chick.

Yikes more dead...

“no wonder that kid was so freaked out, watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over..” DEAN :((( I always forget he watched Mary die, cause like Sam too, he just doesn't remember it.

Dean is so good with kids :(((

STOP THEY'RE SO CUTE.

“when I was your age I saw something... anyways..” FUCK.

DWAHHH LUCAS TAKING THE PICTURE DEAN DREW ☹️

AWH HE GAVE DEAN A PICTURE!! they made a connection.

Oh shoot.. that man is so dead. “im gonna make some dinner”

OH SHIT ITS IN THE PIPES

your dead kid. D E A D. IDC tho you ain't Lucas

Ew don't dig in the dirty water. HOLY SHIT HE DROWBING. HE DROWBNIN

Damn.. and in dirty water. I could never.

Bill Carlton is cooked. Literally everyone he knows is dead now.. like damn. Wtf did he DO.

“my children are gone..its worse than dying..” MORE SAD OLD MEN OMFG.

Lucas drawing is important!!

Why don't these people ever be like “yea.. serial killer man..” LIKE A BELIEVABLE BUT STILL CRAZY LIE. "Why the FBI here?" "Serial killer." ITS THAT EASY.

Dean getting help from a kid AHHHHHHHH!!

“your... scared..? I understand.. you see when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared too.. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see my mom.. I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day.” FUCK. JUST TEAR AT MY HEART STRINGS THEN DEAN. “and I do my best to be brave.. and maybe your dad wants you to be brave too.”

LUCAS YOU THE GOAT!!!

so now they are looking for the house Lucas drew and Dean like "man where tf is it?" And Sam's like "uh.. maybe let's look for the church?"

“ohhh collage boy thinks he's so smart!!” Dean the goat of this episode

Sam twitching because he doesn't know if or how he should bring up deans speech. Honestly now that I think about it Sam digs into deans personal stuff alot, mostly because Dean is jaded and hides stuff but IDK it's interesting.

“oh God we're not gonna have to hug or anything are we?” like you wouldn't enjoy that..

The churchhhhh

OMG THE BIKE. IT WAS BIG IN A DIFF DRAWING AND HERE IT IS AGAIN. omg wait it is important.

He's missing.. the kid with the bike.

HOLY COW. all the parents talking about how losing a kid is worse than death, and hey I know what canonically happens in death and uhh, idk if your right about that. Hell? eck.. ghost life?? yikes.. heaven? good but.. mehh...

Rip lil kid. Rip

HE KNEW BILLY. holy cow. Dead kid knew billy. Billy Carlton knows something is going on?? WAIT WHATS HAPOENING.

So wait is the dead kid the ghost..?

HOLY COW THAT BOAT FLEWWWW!!

Lucas having another vision??.. OH SHIT YEA THE GHOST GIES AFTER HIS MOM OR SMTH RIGHT??

THIRD TIME GETTING CAUGHT LMAOOO. “and your not really wildlife service..” HELP.

this cop made sus. Why you so mad these guys are investigating a murder?? They weird but like..

LUCAS KNOWSSSS..

This is kinda like a call forward or uhh foreshadowing to Sam's visions, which is kinda dope

LADY DON'T TAKE THAT BATH. NOT JUST CAUSE I DONT WANNA SEE YOU NAKED..

deans going back to town even after being threaten because lil kid was scared. GOAT. the goat I tell you.

“who are you and what have you done with my brother??” it's really not out of character for him Sam😭

DON'T TAKE THAT BATH LADY. YOUR DEAD. DOOMED.

oh whatever. I give up. EW MURKY WATER. CAN'T YOU FEEL IT LADY.

poor lucas.. lil bro bouta become an orphan.

LMAO DEAN THREW LUCAS OUTTA THE WAY. and Sam actually saved her 🤷

So wtf is after them. I DON'T REMEMBER.

Oh shoot puppy dog eyes Sam is back. “tell me what happened. Everything. 🥺”

More Lucas visions..

THEY FOUND THE BODY. or no? THE BIKE.

THE SHERIFF DID WHAT NOW.

No dead ghost Peter LEAVE LUCAS ALONEE!!

oh shit he did kill someone.

OH SHIT.

YOU WERE A BULLY?? EE. I HATE YOU. YOU KULLED HOM?? WTF.

dude no your daughter should stay away from you you freak.

LUCAS IS DROWNING.

Mermaid Dean 🧜

Sacrifice yourself for Lucas? Valid sheriff. Valid.

WOOO ITS OVERRRR!! MYSTERY SSSSOLVED!!

AW LUCAS IS TALKING AGAINNN!!

Dean teaching random kid his morals and tastes in music LMAO.

dean pulls yet NAOTHER woman. Are you fr?

One of my least favorite episodes tbh..

[antiradqueer]

Ahh yes.. My trauma is no longer vaild bc im transid bc of it.. makes total sense

would love to know when we said "if you're transid then your trauma isnt real"

[theghostbunnie]

Hot take i was reluctant to share til I had this post to piggyback off of/pos

ALOT of this fandom/all fandoms I think actually never liked found or rather chosen family as much as they claimed they did. If it didn't look as close as physically possible to a "normal" typical family it wasn't "as vaild" or "real family" they were not really for it as much, or sometimes even downright disliked it.

That Max and David can't simply choose to veiw each other as their family Max has to be "saved" and has to denounce his biological father and has to be legally, on paper, adopted by David.

Neil and Nikki can't just choose to veiw each other as family and be siblings. Their parents have to be married and they have to be made into step siblings so it's more vaild. (Don't get me wrong Neil cannonicaly did not want her as a sibling and forcing them together with those titles could be a potentially well written way to explore his adjustment but I don't always see it used like that, instead Candy who doesn't even like Carl, gets married bc yay siblings are real now that weren't before!)

Anytime I ever see anyone even care to make a HC about Ered or her background they make her from a past marriage, or a surrogate. (I've even seen takes that her fathers can't be trans so where are her ""real parents""? And it was right after I made so many HCs for her and her dads, one that one is even trans, I felt like someone had read my mind just to give me a thumbs down lmao/j) like she has to have a biological tie or something to them for it to be better in some way.

Any characters who veiw each other as family can't just be left at that, it has to be given a specific father/son/daughter/mother/uncle/aunt whatever title attached to it. Not just "you are my family"

Even the owl house fandom started assuming Camila was potentially abusive for a hot second and they were like I can't wait for Eda to adopt Luz,...like she hadn't already..? Emotionally? Where it counts? Emotions is where the love is stored not genes or legal documents?

"The finale didn't make dadvid canon!!" Are yall only concerned with LEGALITY what the fuck happened to found family!! Just because David didn't adopt Max (which would pretty much be impossible without definite proof Max's parents are neglectful or abusive??) doesn't mean he isn't Max's dad!!!! Dadvid is completely canon wtf are yall ON ABOUT

[caruliaa]

hey ik tht obviously christianty has like. generally been a much worse force in the world but like when ppl use the blaze feature to also push islam onto people were also gonna call it out bc pushing ppls religions on other for no reason is wrong regardless right ? right guys ?

[skiplo-wave]

Let’s be real, Eve probably was pissed she got kicked for court bc she couldn’t see Johnny anymore.

Not going lie, that’s kinda vaild. 🤔

And she had front row seat too?!

Should've followed the rules and stayed off her phone lol Sucks to suck

[duckymcdoorknob]

No it absolutely doesn't and you shouldn't talk that certain as if you know anything about how the people are diagnosed over pedophilia.

2D people aren't real people therefore most of them don't even look like "kids" as you guys say or picture. They don't act like kids either. (I am not talking about the <12 year olds because they are drawn as their age mostly but yet again, sometimes not so our brain sometimes easily perceives them as adults or grown ups rather than children, again only if they drawn more grown up, like... For example I am not talking about eri in bnha and the kids that are in her age group, I am more like, talking about teenagers in animes )

I am going to give examples of myself because... I think I am the evidence of how it really does not work that way;

If we're talking about shounen anime, those characters (14 and above) are already mostly designed for "adults" to like them and love over them so that they buy their merch and stuff tbh, it's quite interesting to see you all try to cancell people or try to label them as pedos while not knowing what's going on in the first place because like if you look at japan, where the anime is actually from, you'll see that it's okay to like those characters and fantasize over them (tho again I must say, I don't support being a weeb or a weirdo, don't get me wrong pls, being obsessed is way different than liking characters, obsessed is not good kids, don't do that) ... I mean ,for example, the voice actors of those animes you're watching... are you guys also aware of them liking and simping (lmao some of them are legit simps) on those characters in that anime the way you criticize and label people over??? I mean I do get your concern I also hate pedos and wish them all die and rot in hell but no, I believe you're handling the situation poorly. I know nobody is a pedophile just because they're swooning over an anime character, it's just pixels... They don't even look or act like their age mostly bc they're designed that way... I am sorry I really don't mean to offend you but, you all are just ruining the fun and making me feel bad and question myself to a point where I feel guilty even if I know I am not a creep or a pedo, unless you really do have vaild points other than "they're kids even if they're anime" , it sounds like trying to blame people over something they're actually not... I mean I know I am not a pedo, (m around my twenties)and I am 100% damn sure of it, have never even doubted or thought about it before coming across to this interesting theory that if you have a liking for some certain characters you're suddenly a pedophile???, (And tbh I still like the same characters I liked when I was 16-17 so... I am really confused about this whole argument in general) And tbh even if you call me or those other people pedos, nothing you will say will change what I am I think. I am not into harassing kids obviously, neither those people you guys trying to blame are... (Tho again I must add, there of course can and will be some creeps hiding themselves from the eyes and trying to harass kids but that shouldn't mean "everyone" must involved in the pedo catagory) BUT getting blamed for a serious thing like this while the only reason of it is me watching anime, makes me really so unbelievably sad and anxious. And you know, I also questioned myself because of it too, was I really a pedo or not... I don't think I deserved being harassed over something that was not even real in the first place and I don't know how to solve this conflict and really make you believe I am (and also the other people who thinks like me are) not after kids , not into kids or anything, we are just watching the damn anime... But I really want to let all of the people who are thinking this way that It is not like what you think at all...

Again, I'm truly sorry if my language was offensive or anything but I just really wanted to let it out and yeah... I just did and have a good day pls.

Don’t even worry about the language, I say worse everyday lolol.

I agree, Shounen characters are drawn to look older so to show their maturity and development as a character. Yes, people can like a character. I like tons of characters so much that I would buy merch of them.

But there is a difference between liking, lusting and just being fond of a character, I think that’s where things are being miscommunicated.

And I agree about voice actors. People find voices attractive, I know I do. But the difference between the voice actors and the kids? The VAs are of consenting age.

In regards to how I’m reacting: I’d like to respectfully disagree. I think I’m handling my situation maturely. I’m watching what I’m saying, and I’ve stated that if people think these things, than to please block me because I do not feel comfortable around them.

As I’ve said before, there’s a fine line between being fond of a character, being attracted to them, and lusting over them.

It seems that you’re misunderstanding my point here. No one is judging you for thinking a character is cool. Hell, I don’t care if you’re romantically attracted to a certain character, go for it. But imagining them in situations where they aren’t of the legal consenting age is just disturbing to me.

For example, I think Killua from hxh is a badass. But he’s 12 years old, so of course I’m not romantically attracted to him. Kurapika on the other hand? He’s 17, so i can be romantically attracted to him.

You can try to rouse your way around it, but if a character needs to be “aged-up” so that a 20+ year old can write erotica for them? They shouldn’t have erotica written for them.

This is my point.

I appreciate yours.

I especially appreciate your sincerity and tameness in your message.

Hopefully this helps to cease some confusion!

[narhinafan]

I can't believe what I just saw... There's someone on tiktok saying bs about Hinata whole character being misogynistic and BC she's shy and quiet and that was a stereo type for woman maybe a decade ago 💀 then went on and said her knitting a scarf makes her character empowerment of misogynistic...I don't think they read the last BC that sacf was the plot and she says that that's exactly what a woman should do then says that she looks cute so her character is misogynistic 💀 when everyone in naruto looks cute she made no Vaild points 🤦‍♀️ and when she's ranting about her character being misogynistic she starts being misogynistic against Hinata with the last photo some person taking a photo meant to represent House wifes and edits Hinata head on it with a sarcastic tone "oh yes Hinata this is what we should be teaching young girl" as if she's real and just having a stab at house wife's Hinata haters are so Brain dead it hurts 🤦‍♀️💀(if you have tiktok her user is @hina4evertrash or something cringey

I feel like I am losing brain cells just reading this, its is as bad as people calling Kishimoto misogynistic just cause the main characters are mostly male in a action manga.

The scarf idea was actually somthing Kishimoto's wife did so this person insulted a women with that kind of talk.

Honestly I think people like this are the most misogynistic, cause they feel that women have to act/not act a certain away and see anything they don't like as the stereotype and prejudiced against women.

How a women choses to be is up to them it is wrong to enforce any ideas on how a women should be and it is the most prejudice. They are in fact creating a stereotype of how they believe women should be and enforcing that view on women everywhere.

By acting like this they are condemning all women who don't fit their view. There are plenty of women who are shy or quiet where many of them can't help how they act or have their reason for being so.

Take Hinata she shows signs of social anxiety due to her clans treatment hence why she is so shy and quiet. Yet using that persons logic it is Hinata's fault she suffered traumatic with an emotional abusive parent. They are literally blaming the victim for things that weren't there fault.

There are plenty of shy/quiet girls in real life who genuinely struggle with it due to their circumstances yet some people feel it is alright to condemn them for how they are.

It disgusts me to think they may act like such in real life, there is no right or wrong stereotype for how women should be and act, no there shouldn't even be a stereotype for how women should be. Every human being and not just women are allowed to chose who the are. It is wrong to impose views of how women should be in any form and is the most prejudiced you can be cause by doing so your rejecting every women that does not fit your stereotype. You reject people for just being who they are.

[peachyybunni]

The lovestay island

The soft music lulled over the cottagecore themed island as Felix the mayor of this little fairy getaway, ran around stone axe in hand, hitting and grabbing the wood. And occasional egg that feel from the tree because of the bunny day event, he was currently having guests over though, “Felix…uh…where the heck am I!?!” Felix quickly pulled his phone out and found Hans location near one of his waterfalls. To which Lix sent out a rescue to pick Han up. Chan who was going through Felix’s mossy forest with mushroom logs and pretty bugs which were crawling and flying around, Chan sat down on the birchwood mushroom covered log and got his book out and started to write amazing song ideas, hyunjin and Jeongin danced in the towns plaza, Felix’s two preppy villagers Mary and Shino danced along to the song that played on the bamboo speaker Felix put out. Seungmin was walking through the stepping stones, oh, the zen garden the occasional tune of the deer scare made his mind at ease and the leaves of the bamboo rustled as the spring breeze swooshed across him and everything else, though just a small village to which everyone had their own to go to and take care of, Felix was everyone’s favorite to go to. Calming and relaxing, Minho too although he didn’t express his feelings. The island was impressive everything was different here, from the name that gave love towards their fans to how the island offset how Felix acts on and off camera. Minho walked over the bridge and helped Han walk through another secluded forest that held the campsite they all had “hannie..how many times have you been here hahah and you still get stuck?” Minhos eyebrow quirked up with a cocky grin plastered on his fan, Han only looked, stopped and then slowly started to charge Minho who in turn ran for his life the laughter of the two echoed through out the island. Felix smiled as he massaged his back, Changbin worked out wit bc Cobb and Kevin as they ran around chasing each other and doing occasional “who can do the more sit ups” or “I did more pushups then you HAH!!”. Felix loved his second family and other secret life even though it may not be real he enjoyed going home or pulling his switch out to check on his villagers and flowers and he’s always excited to lay out new things for the upcoming holidays!!

A staff entered “please put your games away you guys are on in five” they all collectively moaned in mock annoyance as they booted their switches off and put it in the casing and into whatever bag they brought for the day and they headed towards the stage. Lovestay will have to wait for a little bit but the boys are sure to be back on there eventually, because everyone loves Felix’s island and I’m sure stay will too if he ever puts out a dream code !!

╔═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ��.·:·.*═╗

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╝

╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

~Notes: look if Felix doesn’t play animal crossing the way I’d actually be so shocked and hey if he does drop the dream code buddy !! If BP did it so can u !! /j daily reminder hydrate stay safe I love you all so much, your vaild, you matter I love you I’ll cya y’all in the next storyyy !!! <3

[milkshakekitty]

Ha, ingenious😂you're hilarious(thank u tho ur the best lol😘)

Lol definitely😂 The Core Four share one brain cell...and Tammy usually has it🤣 What would they do without her lol probably be dead tbh I bet she has to save their butts on the daily lol

Aw jeez😭 thank uuuu!!💗

Oh no I'm sorry!😭

Will a lil happy Van make it up to u??

*busts through the door*

Do y'all remember the Rugrats Movie?!

Because for some reason right as I was trying to sleep the other night this scene came back to me and I was compelled to do...this

Why?

I dunno tbh

Why not?

[marsvioletsixtyfour]

I finished sanditon despite being :/ about it and omg esther denham sweetie I’m so sorry for judging u at first and only seeing u thorugh the i*cest rship you were trapped in by triple bounds of 1. shitty family ties, 2. romantic love for a bad undeserving man, 3. not having any real escape route in that time & age

it’s sad that she and clara were enemies bc they had so much in common: both were lonely, aimless, hurt by men, dependent on unkind relatives but while esther survived by repelling the world (being open about her negative feelings) and saving her soft side for the only type of love she knew – extremely toxic, limited to somebody she had to be around anyway and knew very well since childhood,

clara chose to pretend that she could kind of absorb everything that was done to her and that it couldn’t corrupt or break her. she swallowed negativity and projected this serene sweet presence. she pretended that she had some power over edward because she survived sexual abuse before but it all crumbled the second edward didn’t need her.

and she said that she didn’t lose anything because she had nothing to lose but she did lose a chance to have some sort of rship with esther and aunt (not that aunt was… good lol) or to get that money at least a little or to find a decent man to marry or I dunno anything but ending up more burdened than ever by doing immoral/ self-harming things which in the future might lead her into even worse stuff not to mention depression behind that soft smile

esther got a good life in the end only because she was more lucky – luck was all it took lmao, a rich dude (who to be fair is decent) gets attracted to her repellant surface and then he likes what he finds underneath

clara would need a different story – somebody doesn’t like her surface-level sweetness and innocence but then falls for the depths she hides or knows about her corruption but doesn’t judge her I dunno would’ve been interested in seeing sth like this in s2 (now void I believe)

if those two made a collab and ditched edward… wow

georgiana really got the short end her love was such a cool guy she was ready to have an epic love story but it all crumbled and now she’s still imprisoned for her own good, separated from charlotte (the distance + knowing that charlotte loves sidney), will have to bear sidney’s annoying fiancee, can’t even have a possibility of another rship e.g. with arthur who genuinely liked her. she deserved so much more period

charlotte is a very solid sweet person and it really shows that she was raised with love in a cosy stable household the contrast between her and other women

the opinions on tom parker being the central villain of this story are so vaild like yes!!! that bitch never faced any consequences for his actions, sidney sacrificed his own virtue to save this pathetic ass, and mary as the Good wife had to make her peace with this mess wtf

[wilfcrd]

okay oh goodness today's video had me cracking up real hard but at the same time, my feelings after were also super uncomfortable?? is that bad? maybe cause i'm very asexual but i've never been so 50/50 on one of their videos yet skdndj

Nah that’s vaild bc I felt the same way I wouldn’t say uncomfortable but something like it fshgsjsg

[chaoticoconut]

1, 6, and 18! 💛

💛💛💛

these will be long as hell I'm sorry lmao

1. for as long as I can remember I've felt attracted to women and drawn to the community. I grew up watching Saturday Night Live with my parents, which I think is where I first encountered homosexuality but a close second was on this other skit show (whose name I can't find for whatever reason) where girl a was getting engaged to her boyfriend and girl b, the best friend and roommate, was freaking out and it ended with girl b kissing her and I don't know why its stuck with me for over a decade but I used to spend so much time up late at night thinking about what love was or why we kiss each other but I never once considered I was anything other than normal until elementary school. Everytime my friend and I stumbled across two girls kissing in pop culture or really any gay representation for that matter we'd tell each other about it and it became this weird fixation of ours until an older girl overheard us and called us weird and gay and I remember I went home and cried and cried because being weird and gay were obviously synonymous at my Texas charter elementary school and would have a negative impact on my life if people found out.

I didn't start taking those "am I gay" quizzes till about 5th or 6th grade. I had forced all homosexuality into a very taboo box for me and when I didn't like this one (very creepy, I might add) boy back in 6th grade and I told my parents, I remember getting this really adverse reaction from my mother ("well then what are you?") that perpetually kept me fully closeted for another year. That being said, I knew I was attracted to boys too. I think I had my first real crush on a boy in 3rd grade, but before that I had liked Wilbur Robinson and Peter Pan and Justin Bieber and Taylor Lautner for Christ's sake so I had it in my mind that even if I weren't fully straight I could pass as everyone else's normal and not face the repercussions of being weird and gay. I'd still marry a man and have kids like every other female role model I my life at the time. I felt a lot of guilt during puberty and had tremendous gay panic thinking I had to be one thing or another or even one thing in secret and I was lying to myself in some way about my feelings and then my dad's friend (or my self appointed aunt actually) came out to everyone after having been married to a man for several years. As 7th grade rolled around one of my friends came out as transgender. And the internet finally seemed to really give a shit about the LGBT+ community, and the world felt bigger, and I felt more comfortable giving myself exceptions ("maybe you could have a girlfriend in college but still marry a man"). I discovered flannels, I had gay ships (Harley and Ivy saved my whole life), all my friends were coming out at an increasing rate, and suddenly all sorts of people were attractive to me. The quizzes called what I was bisexual. A pretty girl I knew identified as bi/pan (I can't remember what it was at the time, she changed labels a lot those days) I had met at a birthday party just a few days before asked me over breakfast if I liked girls.

I damn near choked on my toast.

And against every voice screaming in my head to just say no and that it wasn't worth it, I told her the truth and within a few days we were dating. Granted, it was only about 3 days the first time, I finally had one thing straight: I was a legitimate bisexual (pardon the pun).

Then everyone found out and called me a lesbian and I was back in the hole. I didn't want to be a lesbian, not because somehow that was more weird and gay than being a bisexual, but because that wasn't who I was. And I knew that much about myself. I had a lot of internalized oppressive tendencies to confront but at least I had some solid footing in my identity. According to my friends my energy was much gayer in middle school and freshman year and I "struggled" with that (I didn't want to shoo away any cute guys but had to accept that even my bisexual identity was polarizing for some) and now I'm here. I'm 16. I'm very confident in my identity. I'm out to almost all of my friends (except for most of my elementary school pals (including the girl who talked about wlw stuff w me bc she's really homophobic now)), some of their families, and one other adult (she was my counselor in the hospital and after like 5 minutes she was like "and are you LGBT or am I mistaken?" and I had to make sure my mom wasn't lurking around the corner before I said yes, honestly my big gay energy is so powerful), and I may or may not tell my dad before I move out (probably not. I've never been very open with my parents about my social or romantic life. Telling him would probably only make things weird or harder for him to trust me going out and doing things lmao). I felt a part of the community for real when my friend came out to me as bisexual for the first time last month and told me my embrace of it helped her come to terms with her own feelings.

6. I don't know how popular of an opinion this is but finding a label that fit me was really empowering. I played around with the idea of pansexuality and demiromanticism and found that in my specific case they held me back more than they defined me. I felt pansexuality was an unnecessary title to hold with the updated and more fluid and forgiving definition of bisexuality and the biphobic tendencies the community had when trying to empower their base but at the same time who am I to tell someone that their label of choice isn't vaild. I don't give a shit. If it is part of you do you. Have your own normal. Everyone else is weird to everyone else anyway. It won't help to reduce yourself to something you aren't. If labels aren't your shit, splendid for you. If they are, that rocks too. Queer is another label I particularly love. It enforces this no confirmative ideal I have. I didn't even begin to rant about Gender & I. I find the word queer the most empowering label of all in the community, because in whole, we are queer, but we're queer together.

18. I love the memes. Lmao. I love feeling connected enough we can laugh about it together. Growing Up Gay memes in particular made me feel so much better about myself. Those memes where both the guy and gal are attractive. I love the sense of style/lack thereof too. There's this lez senior I already have a crush on who just wears whatever the fuck she wants and idk why but I love it and am so inspired.

[hold-fire]

Might delete my existence off the internet this week. Kinda of sick of the internet and how restrained it makes me feel... i spend way to much time on my phone - more than even someone in a current lockdown should be spending...

Might just yeet all my friends too, bc somehow i ended up in a place of like,,,, no one has the energy to care about my life and i dont wanna sit here for 3 hours listening to you talk about yours every fucking night 🤷🏻‍♂️

I also don't have the capacity for all these people i know telling me that what im going throw isn't terrible. I want to kill myself i think hats reason enough, and what im going through shouldnt be compared to a whole world issue - i a fucking vaild and so are my experiences.

Man, my therapist feels like my only real friend who i dont feel weird talking to about anything 🙃 shes been more helpful in the hour i spoke to her today than anyone in my life has in the last year.

[chaddicus]

y’know not to sound bitter or anything but I rly wish that, instead of so many ppl assuming caleb was in love with astrid alone & completely forgetting that there was... also eodwulf.... and I don’t fuckin remember caleb saying he was only in love with one person specifically..... like I’m pretty sure he was very vague and only said “I fell in love” and very SPECIFICALLY didn’t offer anything more when beau/nott pressed him for who it was... I wish some folks would look at all this evidence and go ‘oh yeah he was definitely in love with both of them wasn’t he’

and like. sure he’s only mentioned astrid so far in that one single drunk line, but that doesn’t actually say shit??? it confirms that, if nothing else, he used to dance with astrid. based on his previous statements, we infer that this means he was in love with her. sure! probably! that’s a vaild conclusion to draw at this point! but that’s not, imo, a line that would have gone differently either way, w caleb being in love with eodwulf as well or not

and anyway even if it comes up later that yeah okay, he was only in love with astrid and eodwulf was a friend or maybe a friendly rival or maybe some sort of shitty love triangle idk,,, 90% of the point of shipping isn’t just??? for canon??? and I don’t get y no one is hopping on the caleb/astrid/eodwulf train??? like. why

I know it’s not bc the fandom’s suddenly super str8 and against the prospect of caleb with a dude bc we still have widomauk for like, #1 campaign 2 ship or something (tho u could argue for lesbophobia there since beauyasha has had... way more development and outright shit in the show and yet,,,), so I mean the only thing I can think of is that, despite the prevalence of polymachina last time around, which actually WASN’T as prevalent as it felt like, but simply more so than poly in other fandoms, despite that, people can’t imagine a poly relationship unless they’ve decided they like the individual pairings involved and don’t want to choose,, and canon would have to punch them in the face for them to accept a poly relationship they weren’t actively seeking out, and just

ppl ignore poly stuff so often. it’s not like. it’s not like homophobia or biphobia or whatever it’s not on that scale I’m not complaining about it like that but it bothers me so much tbh. like. poly ships are so good, I feel them so deeply, and I have only ever seen ONE instance of a canon poly relationship, and that’s in a movie about real actual people who really actually had that relationship (and it was such a good movie, professor marston and the wonder women, go find it y’all missed out) so the possibility, here, that maybe liam wrote it into caleb’s backstory, that maybe, after the heartbreaking shit with vax and keyleth and gilmore, he might have decided to put caleb in a poly relationship of similar makeup (f/m/m), the idea of that has me feeling almost overwhelmed! and honestly I feel like I’m not entirely speculating based off bullshit! I feel like there is some actual basis for my feelings outside of just my feelings! but I’ve only seen like. ONE other person even acknowledge the idea

it’s not even that I like the characters and want this specific relationship. we know nothing about eodwulf and astrid except that they did the same horrible stuff caleb did and caleb had to flee on his own, so they probably kept doing it. but it’s like. people are hopping onto the assumption of caleb/astrid with no trouble! they might not be actively shipping it (or they might! idk!) but they’re sorting it into their assumptions of canon. & They’re completely ignoring the prospect of the poly alternative. like why??would liam include eodwulf and astrid both if caleb just fell in love with astrid and said nothing else?? why would he be so vague and dodgy about specifying who he fell in love with when pressed??? why would he avoid just saying ‘I fell in love with astrid’???? what’s the fucking point of skipping that specific detail??? why would he be happy to say he fell in love but not say he fell in love with astrid????? if it’s a poly relationship that vagueness makes a lot more sense & I can understand why caleb wouldn’t want to talk about it!!!!! but honestly I can’t imagine him being so mysterious about it if he was just in a normal ordinary plain str8 m/f relationship (not to imply that m/f relationships are inherently str8 it’s just the principle here, that people are so quick to jump on this m/f ship over the m/m and f/m/m in this specific case, that the concept of a bi/pan/polysexual caleb being in love with both astrid and eodwulf is just so beyond what they can believe, that they don’t even think of it)

and I’m emotional right now and not rational so whatever but I’ve been feeling bad and okay maybe I am a little bitter but mostly I’m just sad