#is this. is this what maladaptive daydreaming feels like. (/gen) do i need to be concerned.

[fallowfield]

not my mentally ill ass planning a life with a fictional character WHERE I FEEL COMFORTABLE AND SAFE HAVING A KID.

[monsterkin-culture-is]

How do you know for sure if you have MD? I'm like, 99% sure I have it as I'm constantly daydreaming to the point it disrupts my life occasionally. But I'm just hesitant on that label as I don't know too much about it and don't know where to begin researching it.

Hiya Anon! I'm so sorry for the delay replying, unfortunately I only saw this whilst I was heading to college. This might end up a bit of a ramble but I'm going to at least attempt to organise it.

Diagnosis Talk:

MD is difficult in the fact that it's not a fully recognised disorder yet so there's no DSM-5 etc to use as a diagnostic guide.

Personally, I would consider it maladaptive once it's becoming a negative experience. This could look like: struggling to complete schoolwork/homework or chores because you can't stop daydreaming, losing time in your day-to-day life, losing information in class/meetings and becoming disconnected from/losing interest in your social life & family. In addition, it can also be the content of the daydreams becoming disturbing or causing you emotional distress when something negative happens in the plotline. That part isn't discussed as much but it's something I personally experience; e.g if a character dies in-story/scenario, I actually cry & genuinely grieve them for a while (sometimes a day, sometimes a fortnight for me). This isn't an exhaustive list nor is it a criteria where you need every single one, it's just what 'maladaptive' can look like.

The difference with immersive daydreaming is that it only happens when the person wants and it's purely for enjoyment.

There is an evaluative tool known as the MDS-16 (MDS meaning maladaptive daydreaming scale). I'll link this for you lower down in the research section!

When it comes to questioning, my #1 piece of advice would be don't stress. That's much easier said than done, but it's important to remember nothing will happen if you're wrong. If you mislabel it, no one is going to be upset. With maladaptive daydreaming, because it's unrecognised, there's even less pressure with self-diagnosis and there's no criteria you have to match. It's a label used to describe an experience. It's also important to remember that imposter syndrome is very common in all disorders & disabilities, physical and psychological, even after diagnosis.

Research Resources:

Eli Somer is the main researcher for Maladaptive Daydreaming and is the original creator of the term back in 2002. You can find some of his papers linked at the bottom of the Maladaptive Daydreaming Wikipedia Page as references (which I also recommend flicking through).

The MDS-16 is a self-assessment tool made by Somer & his associates. You can take it here on traumadissociation.com but other PDF versions are available on the internet. It has 16 questions and the result is the mean of your answers.

This is the official website for The International Consortium For Maladaptive Daydreaming Research. The ICMDR are an informal group of scientists conducting group research on MD. Their site hosts a lot of their research and resources to help you with MD.

The Parallel Lives Podcast is a great way to hear other people's experiences with MD (link leads to spotify).

Honestly I haven't read any papers on MD (I probably should) so don't worry about not doing enough research. I do recommend the MDS-16 especially though as it will help you reflect on the traits of MD you possess.

I hope some of this was helpful anon!! Feel free to send anymore questions you have through, hopefully I'll be able to respond a little quicker this time!! You're also welcome to talk about your experiences more. My DMs are open if you ever need to talk more privately. /gen /nf

[hollowknightinsanity]

Safety (Hollow Knight AU oneshot)

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Hollow Knight (Video Games)

Relationships: The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel/Original Character(s) (Implied), The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & Hornet, The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & The Pale King, The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & Original Character(s), The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & Quirrel

Characters: The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel, The Pale King (Hollow Knight), Hornet (Hollow Knight), Quirrel (Hollow Knight) (mentioned), Original Character(s)

Additional Tags: They/Them Pronouns for The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, The Pale King is a good dad for once, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel is named Holly, and i gave them a fankid because i love being cringe

Words: 1,587

Summary: The Hollow Knight (Holly) and The Pale King have some father-child bonding time.

Notes: This oneshot happened when I decided that the maladaptive daydream I was having was too good to not share on the internet.

And also, this was partially inspired by the song Rain Clouds by The Arcadian Wild.

Thank the Goddesses for blorbo thoughts. That writer's block was getting unbearable.

AO3 Link:

Calm and quiet air nestled in the room. They’d just gotten home after sparring with their sister, as some simple training — they’d felt the need to work on their talent as a knight, though retired and disabled as they were.

It escalated a little too far, though, and Father stepped in to prevent them from getting injured further by their own recklessness.

Strange, that he’d do that. Normally, he would allow them to get hurt, and learn from their mistakes. They could heal themself easily enough.

But, times have changed — they’re older, weaker. Not what they used to be. They no longer produced Soul at a pace steady enough to heal properly. They hurt when they moved. They’re old. They’re disabled. They’re tired. They’re not what they used to be.

“Sit, child. Let me remove your prosthetic,” Father spoke, his tone calm as usual, though with a new touch of… kindness? Tenderness? They couldn’t place an exact label on it. But to them, it felt like how a father should speak to his child.

When did he begin treating me like his kin, and not simply a tool?

When did he begin caring?

Holly sat on the couch in their modest Dirtmouth home. Their knees were weak from straining during the spar. It felt nice to sit down and rest.

They shouldered their cloak out of the way, letting it drape over the back of the couch, and removed their top, allowing Father to properly detach their complex prosthetic arm. This process always hurt, but they were used to it by now.

The pain, at least, was bearable. On the other hand, they certainly did not enjoy nor care for the feeling of having things placed or removed from inside their body, and that is exactly what had to happen in order for the arm to be connected or removed.

Holly sought comfort in another physical interaction. They angled their head to call for Hornet, standing in the kitchen.

“Little Hornet? Could you bring Somber for me?” they requested, mock voice rasping and tired. Their Void was acting up, as it did not like being anywhere near Father, and they struggled to use it for their speech.

“Yeah, sure,” she called back, setting down whatever she was holding with a glassy clink.

“Thank you.”

Holly could hear her claws tapping on the floor as she walked to the bedroom. A few moments later, she returned with the squeaking infant in her arms, and gently handed them to their parent, then returned to the kitchen. The child’s squeaks quieted when they felt the presence of their mother, and they grasped at Holly’s chest with small, clawless hands.

“Yes, hello, little one,” they spoke, voice barely above a whisper, rubbing the back of Somber’s head with their thumb. They squeaked quietly in response, purring against their chest, snuggling into their swaddle. Holly purred as well, glad to be with their child once more.

Of course, it hadn’t been that long since they held them, but still. Too much time away from this fragile little thing, and they’d panic.

I suppose this is the life of a new parent, though. Especially one that struggles to understand that they’re even alive.

“I could make you a baby carrier, if you need one,” Father said, still working with the pale prosthetic.

“I’ll take you up on that offer. Thank you in advance, Father,” they returned, flinching when he removed one of the connecting wires from within their torso. “Heavens above, that still feels so strange…”

“I know, Holly. Just a few more, then you’ll be good to rest. Should only take about a minute.”

…

Such a kind response gets them thinking again.

…When did he become so… gentle? they wonder. Has he been like this my whole life? Or did he just start now?

…

When did he decide he wanted to be my father?

They flinch again as he removes another wire. He is still kind with how he handles them. He’s aware that their scars are sensitive, and he’s aware of how the wires cause them discomfort when being put in or taken out.

Why is he so kind now? Why does he no longer hurt me?

Does he fear it? Fear that he might hurt me again?

Is he afraid of hurting me?

They decide to ask.

“...Father?” “Yes?”

“...Why are you so gentle all of a sudden?”

The old King pauses, stilling his hands, processing their question. He looks towards their face. They do not look back at him.

“What do you mean?” he questions, not fully understanding.

“When I was younger, if I had this same prosthetic, you would’ve removed the wires as fast as possible and not cared if I flinched, if I showed signs of pain or discomfort. Why is it that now, you take care to not injure me?” They look down at their child, sleeping peacefully in their hold. The Wyrm blinks.

“...I certainly would not do that to you, even if it were with a younger you,” he answers, keeping his gaze directed at their head. “Not then, and especially not now. You’re older, and I know that even at a slow pace, placing and removing the wires still hurts. Those scars certainly don’t help in the matter.” Momentarily, he looks back down to their prosthetic arm, and the connections sunken into their body. Holly’s scars are still only partially healed, and that makes them very sensitive to physical stimuli. The Wyrm does not wish to inflict any more pain on the child he’d already hurt so much. It really seemed to him that they’d been through every terrible thing in the world, and none of the good.

He looks back up at their face, still turned away from his own. “You deserve better. I’ve already hurt you enough in the past. I promise you, I will never do such things again. You have my word, child.”

Finally, they look down towards their father, their one remaining eye expressing confusion, shock, and… relief. Their father’s expression tells them that he means it. They look away again, returning their gaze to their sleeping child.

Had they had the facial mechanisms to smile, they would have.

“Thank you. I really needed to hear that.”

“Of course, my child.”

They don’t speak another word to each other until the King finishes removing Holly’s prosthetic. They sigh and roll their shoulder, forming a tendril to reach up and massage where they were sore. “Thank you again, Father,” they say, voice quiet and gentle so as not to disturb the infant sleeping in their hold. The King nods.

“No problem. Anything else you need?” he asks, standing from the couch and stretching his arms, one pair reaching above his head and the other behind his back.

Holly moves, twisting their form to lay down on the cushions. “Could you put on a record for me?” they request, yawning at the end of their sentence. “The one with the sailing ship and waves, please.”

The Wyrm hums in affirmation, and walks over to the little desk holding the record player and steadily growing collection of vinyls. He kneels down to the shelf beneath the tabletop, shuffling through the various records in search of the one the tired Vessel had requested. Lifting it carefully and removing the disc from its casing, he places it atop the player and turns it on. Soft acoustic begins to emit from the speaker, and Holly settles into a comfortable position, wrapping themself in their cloak, using it as a blanket.

“Oh, one more thing, Father,” they say, looking at him with a tired eye.

“Hm?” “...Could I have a hug?”

He seems surprised by the request. They genuinely wish for my affection?

“Oh, goodness, of course!” he responds, walking over to their spot on the sofa, reaching down to wrap his arms around them. They gladly accept the gesture, and they begin to purr, moving their head to rest their jaw atop his shoulder, simulating a return as best they can, still using their only arm to hold Somber.

And they’re purring. They’re being held by their father, and they’re purring. They’re content in his hold.

The thought that they’re finally getting comfortable with his presence brings tears to his eyes, which he blinks back harshly, nuzzling his face into one of Holly’s horns.

The last time they requested his affection was when Quirrel passed. They were sobbing then. They were still afraid of him. Afraid that he might hurt them. That he might kill them, as they so believed he would decades ago. Now, though, they know he won’t do such things. They know that, for the most part, they’re safe.

He knows that they’re still instinctively wary of him, and that they will be for a long time, but at least they can take comfort in his touch now, instead of fearing for their very life whenever he so much as got close.

He’s glad that Holly no longer cries themself to sleep every night. They don’t need to be afraid anymore. They’re finally safe.

Hesitantly, he releases them from his grasp, standing up once again. “You get some rest, now, okay? You need it after that session,” he says, running his hand through their hair before turning away. “If you’d like, I could make you some tea.”

“Please do,” they respond, wrapping their cloak tighter around themself and their hatchling.

They’re glad that they’re safe again. They missed being at peace.

[spinnysocks]

heya spinny! I’ve got a question, if you dont mind. what does it mean (to you) to be an alterhuman? /genq

hiya rahm!! finally getting around to this, i've been excited to answer! :}

being alterhuman to me is not an identity or a label but rather embracing myself. it's definitely hard to describe, but in very simple words: i relate to nonhumans or other animals a lot more than i do humans. it goes beyond just a deep empathy for animals; it's like i feel nature in my veins, in my bones, in my heart and in my soul

i've been trying to discover ‘how’ exactly i'm alterhuman but i don't think there really is or will ever be an answer. i just am! part of it is definitely neurodivergence, though i feel this inherent.. tug inside of me, for lack of a better word, that is calling me home to the wild. or maybe it's just because i grew up on wolfblood (/silly)

i could talk forever about how being neurodivergent is linked to me being alterhuman personally, and i probably will put my thoughts into posts more, but i've never talked about this tug. as long as i can remember i've desired escaping into the wild and living freely and joyously. when i think about that desire, i am always an animal. it's just something subconscious, that i am an animal. supposed to be? desire to be? both? who knows? i can't tell. it's just what's in my soul and that's the best way i can explain it :]

that desire has always been played with by my maladaptive daydreaming. i have almost always dreamed of being something not human. being a shapeshifter/polymorph is a daydream i've entertained for a long time, it's what brings me comfort and joy like nothing else! my daydreams didn't create the desire, they helped bring it to light if that makes sense

besides from that, i believe some of my alterhumanity is also spiritual. i've seen other alterhumans talk about seeing themselves in everything - a bird's song in the morning, sun dappling through the trees, thunderstorms at night, just.. all of nature. i think i feel pretty similarly. nature is my home and i am all of it and it is all of me :}

so, yeah! i feel that i'm naturally supposed to be a polymorph. some of my morphs come with strong connections to certain species or families of species. for example, i am foxhearted / foxlink alongside fox being one of my main morphs. on a broader scale, i am also a canine cladotherian, as i feel a deep connection to all canines. the individual connections i feel to each species gets really complicated to be honest!! but i've been working on a post to keep track of it all for a while, so maybe this is the motivation i need to try n finish n post it xD

as per usual, i have rambled at you 😭😭 but tysm for this ask!!! i'm always open for more alterhuman-related asks :D /gen, vpos

[fallen--starlight]

first part definitely sounds like the usual effects of hyperfixations, i can once again solidly say this is all worth talking to a therapist about because nothing should be interfering in your every day life this. i would recommend you look into maladaptive daydreaming if you haven't yet, since it could also have to do with that. the bit about zoning out sounds a bit like dissociation to me too.

will say though, about the gender thing- it's not uncommon for kinshifts to affect my gender (i'm nonbinary, for reference) so i don't think that's very unusual, plus it's also very common for one to have kins a different gender than they ID as. i'm always happy to try to answer any questions if you need /gen. dunno if any people that used to ID as fictionkin will answer, but i've heard of people that stopped because they realized what they were suffering were delusions (same with people misdiagnosed with DID), however i'm certain there's other reasons people have stopped identifying as fictionkin & they likely go as simple as "it didn't feel right anymore". identity is rather fluid, after all. i hope you can find the answers you seek /gen

made an anonymous account to write this stuff because I don’t want to use my main blog. But uh

I want to talk to my therapist about my experience with (as?) fictionkin. More so about how much I hate it but that’s beside the point. Almost a year ago exactly I started using the label ‘fictionkin’ because it is what fit best at the time (still haven’t found anything else) but I hated fictionkin. I was anti fictionkin for the longest time and then I realised why and I was even more so for a period of time. I’m also autistic, and I think that may have a part to play, but I’m really sick of not being able to watch or consume any media without it crawling into my mind like some sort of parasite. I would love to be able to watch movies and shows without waking up five days later feeling the familiar dread that is “oh crap, why have my ideals and entire fucking personality traits shifted overnight.” I hate it. Haven’t brought it up to my therapist because I honestly don’t know how she’d take it but it really irritates me. I only just managed to cut off one of the ones that most affected me over the longest period of time, and that was only by removing any media surrounding that character. But I still feel like it’s going to creep back up the moment I let my guard down. I don’t even know if this is fictionkin but it’s the only label I found that kind of suited the situation. Uh. If anyone has any tips that’d be nice! ( because I thought I’d quelled this habit for good but another one has started showing up in my dreams and the cycle is starting again help I don’t want to go through identity confusion again.)