#is this worth the kiss sp? YEAH IT IS

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Lucien’s Blooming Amidst Turbulent Desires MQ translation

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for a MQ that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

[Warning]: The content of this MQ is pretty explicit and may not be suitable for individuals under the age of 17 (CN server). It is recommended that those who do not meet this age requirement refrain from proceeding beyond this point.

This MQ accompany 🔞 High Temperature ASMR.

As Lucien speaks, he raises his hand under my gaze and meticulously unbuttons the topmost button.

In the faint and elusive light and shadow, his slender neck and collarbone gradually reveal themselves, following the movements of his fingertips and the downward opening of his collar.

Lucien, as if completely unaware, raises his hand and casually winds the work badge around his wrist, tightening it leisurely.

“As you can see, I can't move freely right now.”

‘‘So, would you say I'm cooperative enough like this?”

[Note: This time I haven’t had time to subtitle due to acads and research stuff. I’ll do subtitle later when I have time, for now I’ll just post the transcript to quench ppl curiousity lol. If you want to follow along the voice acting you can follow here]

[Exclusive Radio- Longing for Returning Home]

Conference Participant: Professor Lucien... Professor Lucien, please stay!

Lucien: Hm? Is there something you need from me?

Conference Participant: Just heard from other professors, did you book the earliest flight back home on the day the conference ends?

Lucien: Yes, that's correct. Is there anything else related to the conference that I need to be involved in afterward?

Conference Participant: No, it's just that I feel it's a pity for you to leave in such a hurry.

Conference Participant: Granada can be considered a famous tourist destination. It's a rare opportunity to come here, so why not appreciate the scenery?

Conference Participant: Why don't you join other professors and explore the local area for a few more days? I'd be happy to extend my hospitality to you as a host.

Lucien: Thank you for your kind intentions. It's just that due to our respective business travel arrangements, my girlfriend and I haven't seen each other for a long time.

Lucien: When we were talking just now, we discussed our itineraries. She will be returning to our home country a few days before me. By the time the conference is over, she should be waiting for me at home.

Lucien: Being by her side is more relaxing for me than traveling around.

Conference Participant: Girlfriend? Oh, is it the person who messaged you during dinner today?

Conference Participant: Haha, no wonder you looked at your phone in a good mood and even took photos of the churros on the table from different angles.

Conference Participant: So, you were taking those pictures for her, huh?

Lucien: (chuckles) You caught me… Um, she's curious about the snack.

Lucien: It's a pity that I can't bring a portion back for her to taste.

Conference Participant: Indeed, freshly fried items like that don't hold up well during long-distance transportation. However, there are other local souvenirs you can bring back from the area.

Conference Participant: I remember some shops are selling hand-painted tea sets and unique patterned textiles... They are very popular among girls.

Lucien: (in an interested tone) Is that so…

Lucien: Can you send me the address of the shops you just mentioned?

Lucien: If I have some free time during the conference in the next few days, I'd like to go and take a look.

Conference Participant: No problem, I will send it to you shortly.

Conference Participant: Ah, originally I was planning to be the spokesperson for a few other professors, and we were all going to travel together for a few days.

Conference Participant: Seeing you like this, I won't continue to persuade you anymore.

Lucien: Indeed, when the heart longs to return*, it's hard to stay for long.

(T/N: "归心似箭" is an idiom that literally translates to "the heart returns like an arrow." It is used to describe the strong longing and eagerness to return home or to a familiar place. It expresses his sentiment of wanting to go back to her, his 'home' where he truly belongs and feels comfortable 🥺)

Lucien: When we have the opportunity in the future, I will come back to Granada with her and explore the scenery and cuisine here.

[Part 1]

The taxi speeds along the cobblestone streets of Granada, passing through the dappled light and shadow beneath the palm leaves.

Moving forward, the outline of a hotel in the distance gradually becomes clear. The colored mosaic wall reflects a bright luster in the sunlight.

I compare it with the photo on my phone and feel pleasantly surprised. I give a thumbs-up to the driver beside me.

MC: You're amazing! That's the hotel!

The driver raises his eyebrows in satisfaction, smoothly turning the steering wheel. I switch back to the chat interface, suppressing my excitement as I look at the message just sent by Lucien.

Lucien's message: "If I remember correctly, you are finishing work and returning from Finland today, right?"

MC's reply: "Yes, I'm currently checking in for the flight with my colleagues. How about you? How much longer until you return home?"

Lucien's message: "Very soon. The conference has entered its final stage, and it will end within the next two or three days."

MC's reply: "Sigh, it's been almost a month since we last saw each other. Even two or three days feel so long…"

I switch to a music app and deliberately share a sad love song with a mournful melody.

I imagine him in front of the screen, raising his eyebrows with a slightly helpless expression, and I hold back a laugh as I step out of the taxi.

As I walk, my fingertips slide across the screen, searching for the room number he had told me during our previous conversation. Suddenly, a notification for a new message pops up.

Lucien's message: "Mm, I also really want to see you."

My heart suddenly becomes soft. As soon as the elevator door slides open, I eagerly walk towards the corridor and stop in front of the door of room 1609.

I suppress my quickening heartbeat and knock on the door, then speak in a rough and hoarse voice.

MC: Good afternoon sir, room service.

When he opens the door and sees me, Lucien should briefly be taken aback, then call out my name and hug me, right?

As if in response to this speculation, the next second, the familiar voice slowly but steadily emerges from the room.

Lucien: The door is open. Come in please.

MC: (suprised)….

While this makes it more convenient, how can this person have no sense of caution? I must remind him properly later.

With these thoughts in mind, I gently lift the suitcase and hold my breath as I push open the heavy room door.

The bright and spacious suite exudes tranquility, and the gauze curtains gently sway by the floor-to-ceiling window. I quickly scan the room but don't see the familiar figure I've been yearning for day and night.

I place the suitcase against the wall and am about to walk towards the inner area when suddenly, I hear a familiar voice from behind me.

Lucien: I've been waiting for you for a long time.

With his words, warm arms envelop me. The familiar scent embraces me from behind, instantly wrapping me in a hug.

I let out a surprised gasp and felt the softness of his hair brushing against my neck, causing a slight itching sensation.

In his usually calm voice, now there's an unmistakable sense of joy that can't be ignored.

Lucien: (playfully) So, this hotel even has such thoughtful room service, huh?

[Part 2]

Upon hearing his voice, my heart seemed to be filled with light and joyful happiness all of a sudden.

I smile and release the handle of the suitcase, swiftly turning around and throwing myself into this long-lost embrace.

The hand around my waist tightens imperceptibly. Lucien's nose gently nestles itself in my hair, and he lets a barely audible sigh.

The shadows of the trees sway in the tranquil room. Neither of us speaks as if we want to make up for the time apart over the past month through this wholehearted embrace.

After a moment, I finally raise my head and look into his slightly brightened eyes.

MC: I had planned to give you a surprise! How did you guess that it was me who came?

Lucien tilts his head slightly, indicating for me to look at the Bluetooth earphones in his ear.

Lucien: I was just about to play the song you sent me and carefully "appreciate" it, but unexpectedly, it automatically connected to another device.

Lucien: So, I guessed you must be nearby.

MC: Damn it, I can't believe I was caught at the last moment because of such a small detail.

(T/N: "功亏一篑" is an idiom that means to fail at the last moment due to a minor mistake or oversight. It describes a situation where one's efforts fall short of success, often due to a small oversight or mistake, after putting in a lot of effort up until that point.)

I playfully raise my hand in a mock expression of displeasure, and Lucien cooperatively lowers his head, his slender eyebrows slightly curved.

Lucien: But I feel that no matter how it happens, your presence itself is already enough of a surprise.

MC: (laughs) Professor Lucien, you're getting better and better at coaxing me aren’t you?

As I say this, I reach out and ruffle his hair. Lucien doesn't get up; instead, he leans closer and gazes at my cheek.

Lucien: Weren't you supposed to return to our home country with the team today? How come you came to Granada on your own?

MC: You know the answer already... What do you think?

I let out a soft hum and coquettishly poke Lucien's arm.

MC: I had to take a connecting flight from Finland because there were no direct flights. After landing, I took a long taxi ride to find this hotel.

MC: I must say, it's really difficult to meet Professor Lucien in person.

Lucien holds my hand and nods earnestly.

Lucien: Mm, it is indeed very challenging. (playfully faking a sigh) What should I do, how to reward this hardworking Miss Producer who traveled from afar?

I look around and point to the soft-looking sofa by the window.

MC: Then, I want to ask the Great Professor to accompany me to lie down for a while. My waist is sore after traveling for such a long time-!

Before I can even exclaim in surprise, Lucien swiftly picks me up in his arms. The next second, we both sink into the sofa bathed in the scent of sunlight.

I laugh and sit up, using one hand to support myself against his chest.

MC: (laughs happily) You're pulling a sneak attack!

Lucien: (laughs softly) What sneak attack, I've only learned a thing or two from Teacher MC.

As Lucien speaks, he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, and I take the opportunity to intertwine my fingers with his. I gaze at the person beneath me, lost in my own thoughts.

Even though we video call every few days, being this close and gazing at each other, I can still sense some subtle changes.

His cheeks seem a little thinner; I wonder if it's due to not liking the food or being too busy to eat properly.

His hair has grown longer, now covering his eyebrows when lying down like this. Under his eyes... there seems to be a faint shadow of dark circles.

I can't help but put down my smile, and my hand gently brushes against the area under his eyes.

MC: (displeased) You even have dark circles... Didn't you say the conference was entering its final stage? Why aren't you resting properly?

Lucien: It was only the introduction of new topics that had come to an end, and the information left over from the previous meeting needed to be summarised.

Lucien: We still need to make good use of the time before the wrap-up.

MC: So do you still have work scheduled for today?

Lucien: Um, there is still much experimental data to compare. After summarizing the results, I must submit the analysis report to the organizers before ten o'clock.

MC: Is that so? I had hoped to hug you a little longer... Sigh, I guess I'll have to watch work take you away again.

I glance at the remaining time, reluctantly about to get up, but Lucien shows no intention of letting me go.

The hand around my waist tightens a little more, making me bend my elbow and get even closer to him.

As soon as I get closer, his warm lips follow, gently and affectionately kissing from the sensitive curve of my ear to my cheek.

Unable to resist the tickling sensation, I laugh and tilt my head slightly, trying to evade. The next second, Lucien firmly holds my jaw with a little dissatisfied expression.

Lucien: (gasps and whispers hoarsely) MC, don't hide…

With a hoarse voice near my ear, his cool and slender fingers caress my neck, slowly trailing upwards with an irresistible hint.

Wet and deep kisses accompany his movements, falling on my body like drizzle.

I clench the corner of his clothes tightly, unconsciously tilting my head back, feeling the sunlight reflected off the glass flash before my eyes.

I close my eyes, and it seems like my mind is also becoming hazy in this intense heat.

It isn't until the curtain hanging above us brushes against my face that I finally come to my senses. I take a breath and push Lucien's shoulder as if waking him up.

MC: W-Wait a moment.

Lucien: (breathless, in a hoarse and somewhat dazed voice) …Huh?

Lucien's dark eyes are filled with turbulent depth, and his hair is slightly damp. The actions of his hands don't stop; as if he is about to lean down again the next second.

I try to push his shoulder harder, my breath slightly unsteady as I speak.

MC: Didn't you just say that there is still a lot of data to organize and summarize?

MC: ...Then, now... shouldn't we…?

Lucien: (still trying to steady his breath) Mm.

Lucien responds vaguely, his lips still lingering on the side of my neck.

Lucien: (whispers very lowly in a clingy tone) But right now... I can't bear to let you go.

The intimate bewitchment leaves me feeling dizzy. I try to hold on to what little rationality I have left and tilt my head up to peck his nose.

MC: If Professor Lucien is going to be this unreasonable, I seriously need to consider whether I should continue creating these "surprises" in the future.

Lucien tightens his lips, a hint of leniency and resignation flashing across his face. I button up my disheveled collar, smiling as I stand up from the sofa and nuzzle against his neck.

MC: (smiles) We still have a few more days to spend together, there's no need to rush…

MC: But I'll be here working with you~ After you're done with your busy work, we can go out and have a delicious meal!

I say as I walk to the luggage. After a moment, the sound of the sofa rubbing against the floor finally emerges.

Only then do I sit next to him, gently holding my notebook. I casually place a pillow behind my back and begin browsing through my work notes from the past few days.

Perhaps it's because I'm by his side, I feel like I'm back at home, and without realizing it, I become more relaxed and at ease.

After flipping another page, I lazily adjusted to a more comfortable position, and one of my feet habitually rested on his leg.

The room falls silent for a moment, with only occasional faint sounds of paper rustling. After a while, Lucien suddenly speaks my name in a low voice.

Lucien: MC.

I respond absentmindedly, my eyes still fixed on the screen. The voice by my ear pauses briefly, seemingly carrying a hint of helplessness.

Lucien: Do you want to go inside and wait for me?

MC: Hey, did I disturb you? But I haven't even made much noise.

I don't understand, so I lift my head from the screen and notice Lucien's eyes flickering unusually. Suddenly, I grasp what's happening.

A mischievous idea springs up. I lift my heels and move along the long legs hugged by his trousers.

MC: You haven't said the reason why you suddenly 'asked me to leave' yet.

Through the firm fabric, the legs beneath my tiptoes seem to tense for a moment. I persistently speak up, refusing to relent.

MC: Did I really 'disturb you? Professor Lucien, could it be that you can't even resist this level of 'temptation'?

MC: Oh, this won't do~ When doing research, you must stay focused. How can you let yourself get distracted by a little bee that tests your self-control?

With those words, my tiptoes press on his leg, watching as Lucien bites his lip, and I can't help but curl up the corners of my mouth.

Having witnessed his usual ease, the sight of him struggling to restrain himself now makes me tempted to tease him further... Unfortunately, it's not the right moment.

However, being able to see him so openly longing is enough to satisfy me.

I close my notes, intending to leave as soon as I can, and am about to do so when he suddenly grabs my ankle.

Lucien's voice seems a little hoarse, and his fingertips are caressing gently.

Lucien: (whispers hoarsely) My teacher's "lesson" is indeed something.

Lucien: (x2) In terms of concentration, I indeed still have much to learn.

Lucien: (x3!!) So, (chuckle) can MC teach me how to do it?

His voice seems to carry a certain bewitchment. My breath catches for a moment, but I quickly snap out of it.

He's setting another trap, waiting for me to step into it willingly.

I let out a light snort in my heart. I pretend to take the bait and place my hand on his face.

MC: Of course, I can. However, I believe in tailoring my teaching to the individual, so I need to have a basic understanding of the student's situation first.

MC: Tell me, how far can you restrain yourself when facing my advances? And what would your reactions be at different levels of the advances?

Lucien holds my hand on his cheek, and lightly rubs against it, as if teasingly.

Lucien: This is a bit challenging for me.

Lucien: (chuckle) After all, when faced with your 'invitation', I seem to have never tried to resist.

I let out a long "oh," my voice softening a bit.

MC: They say learning requires understanding things thoroughly. Since there are things I don't understand, I have to figure them out.

Lucien: So, how does Teacher MC want to conduct this research?

I lock eyes with Lucien for a moment, then suddenly withdraw my fingertips from his hand, leaning forward to lightly peck his lips.

Before he can react, I quickly get up from the sofa and take two steps back, smiling mischievously as I speak.

MC: How about we conduct a little experiment~ Let me see how self-controlled Professor Lucien can be when he gets serious.

MC: I will adjust the variables to obtain accurate results. After all, as your special assistant, I've also accumulated a lot of experience and knowledge.

MC: Then, the experiment of an intern professor officially begins now. I kindly request this gentleman to cooperate accordingly.

MC: As for this special report, I will definitely record it diligently~

[Part 2-Intertwined Memory]

=Flashback, Narrator POV=

In the afternoon sunlight, there's a hazy and drowsy warmth floating around.

The cicadas are buzzing loudly, but Lucien seems completely unaware as he browses through the continuous stream of data. Other than the movements of his fingertips while flipping through the materials, he remains almost motionless at the desk.

Until the sound of a text message, like a small pebble, broke the frozen silence.

MC: "Yes, I'm currently checking in for the flight with my colleagues. How about you? How much longer until you return home?"

Looking at the message from the girl, Lucien's expression softened subconsciously. Thinking about the schedule that still had two or three more days to go, he lets out a light sigh.

When he realizes his actions just now, he pauses for a moment.

...It's strange. Whether for himself or the girl, business trips have become routine. He shouldn't feel this kind of helplessness.

Being separated from her just feels like something he can't get used to, no matter what.

After pondering for a moment, he replies in a composed tone, detailing the upcoming work arrangements.

However, he can't help but continue scrolling through the photos the girl had sent during their previous chat, not putting down the phone just yet.

She pointed at the reindeer statue behind her, her eyes shining as she looked at the camera; the photo of her holding up her unappetizing work lunch, making a distressed expression and sticking out her tongue.

The last picture is of the entrance to the Arctic Museum, with a caption that read, "If you were here, I'm sure I could understand more clearly."

Lucien's lips unconsciously raised upwards, and his fingertips gently stroke the phone screen.

During the days they hadn't seen each other, it seemed that the girl's life had experienced many exciting moments.

Even though they chatted every day and occasionally shared interesting experiences through video calls, he still felt it wasn't enough.

Having grown accustomed to the girl's company, this time their parting feels exceptionally long. The fleeting moments shared through digital communication can't fill the missing hole left behind.

Lucien purses his lips and gently places the phone on the table.

Just wait a little longer... When they meet again in a few days, he is determined to embrace her and listen to her happily recount all the moments she didn't have a chance to share.

Ding.

The notification sound rings again. The girl sends a sentimental love song—a melodramatic tune with a cliché title "Golden Song of the Year."

Imagining her acting sorrowful, Lucien can't help but curve his lips and replies with a "Mm, I miss you too."

Afterward, he takes out the Bluetooth earphones from the case, intending to listen to her spontaneous sharing. As his gaze unintentionally sweeps across his phone screen, he suddenly freezes.

...there is no indication of a connection on the screen.

These earphones seem to have automatically paired with another device.

Lucien instinctively holds his breath, carefully listening to the sounds outside the room. Soon, he hears familiar footsteps in the corridor, precisely stopping at the door.

In the next moment, the heavy door is knocked on. Someone deliberately lowers their voice and speaks in a rough manner, "Good Afternoon, sir, room service."

It's her.

His heartbeat seems to quicken involuntarily. Lucien stands up from the desk and walks lightly towards the door.

As he walks, that missing hole seems to be suddenly filled by some intangible presence, gurgling and flowing gently.

The warm breeze in Granada lifts a soft corner of the curtain, and the vibrant colors of summer flood into the room.

Lucien: The door is open. Come in please.

Lucien heard himself speak.

=Flashback and Narrator POV END=

[Part 3]

I walk quickly to the inner room, hook the door handle with my hand, and slowly close the door, blocking the view behind me.

I hold my breath and listen carefully through the gap in the door. After a moment of silence, the sound of paper flipping resumes. It seems that Lucien has started working again.

I comfortably lie down on the lounge chair and continue to look at my notes. Occasionally, I raise my head to glance in the direction of the balcony outside.

The soft curtains gently sway with the breeze, concealing the figure in the living room from my view.

Is Lucien currently working diligently? If I don't do anything, how long will it take for him to knock on this door?

I retract my gaze and ponder with interest. In the warm afternoon breeze, I lazily flip to the next page of the data.

As the sunlight slowly moves to the west, the steaming heat gradually dissipates. When I raise my head again, I realize that the sky has darkened.

*sexy bgm playing*

I walk to the balcony and notice that the lights are on in the living room, casting a shadow of Lucien on the gauze curtain. I yawn and glance at my phone.

The afternoon has passed since the announcement of the experiment, yet there hasn't been a knock on the door. I haven't even received a message from Lucien.

MC: Huh? When you get serious, you actually have quite a strong willpower.

I squinted my eyes as I looked at the shadow cast on the gauze curtain. It seems that it's time to introduce some "bait" as the experiment's variable.

After contemplating for a moment, I unhurriedly send him a message.

MC's message: "Is the work still going smoothly~"

I spin a pen around my fingers, and soon enough, my phone receives a reply.

Lucien's reply: "Mm, I've already read most of it."

MC's message: "So, Professor Lucien is quite efficient when I'm not around, huh."

MC's message: "Speaking of which, would sending text messages disturb you?"

On the other end of the screen, Lucien seems to have pondered seriously for a moment before replying.

Lucien's reply: "If only seeing the text, it seems to be manageable."

Oh~ that means there might be a little ripple in his heart, but not so much. Come to think of it, we do indeed communicate more frequently through voice calls.

If I were to use 'voice' to entice him, what would his reaction be?

MC's message: "I'll be relieved then~ However, it's almost 9 o'clock now. How much longer will it be until you can rest with me?"

The name in the chat box is replaced by "Typing..." A moment later, a new message alert sounds again.

Lucien's reply: "It will take some more time to process the remaining data. You can go ahead and rest."

MC's message: "But I'm having trouble falling asleep Q.Q How about letting me listen to the sound of you working? It can serve as a soothing white noise to help me sleep."

After a moment, Lucien's voice dialed in, his calm voice is accompanied by the sound of pages flipping.

Lucien: (in a calm yet a bit wronged tone) I thought a certain Miss Professor who's immersed in the experiment wouldn't come to see me today.

MC: Haha, actually, I was planning to just sleep like that. But…

MC: Thinking that you're so close to me, I feel a little unwilling to give in to sleep.

Lucien's breathing seems to have slowed down a bit, but he still speaks calmly and unhurriedly.

Lucien: Alright, rest assured and take your time. We don't have to rush things, after all, we still have several days to spend together, don't we?

...This person has quite a good memory.

(lol he 'jabs' her back with the same sentence that she said earlier 😂)

I silently curl the corners of my lips and casually respond as if nothing happened.

MC: Indeed, that makes sense. Oh well, don't mind me anymore, just focus on your work~

Lucien responds with a sound but doesn't say anything further. On the other end of the phone, the sound of flipping pages resumes.

The rustling sound mixed with faint breathing noise echoes in my ears, like the evening breeze brushing through the drooping branches. I lift my fingertips, tracing the shadow cast on the window.

MC: Lucien, actually I've been thinking about how to spend this evening with you since several days ago.

Lucien: Hmm? (chuckles, and then whispers seductively) What have you imagined?

I chuckle softly and shift to a more comfortable position, leaning against the railing.

MC: ...Many things. Um, so many things.

MC: I heard this place is famous for its night views, and many hotels have private outdoor baths.

MC: Embracing each other under the cover of night, watching the flickering lights on the water's surface... It should be a very cozy and romantic experience.

MC: Or maybe like our previous trip, getting close under the moonlight, sharing a glass of red wine, and then…

I let out a soft sigh, as if recalling the lingering and intoxicating kisses from that night.

The sound of flipping pages on the other end of the phone stopped at some point. I turn my head with interest and speak softly.

MC: Do you really have to work on your report until so late tonight?

MC: After being apart for so long... I really miss you.

The shadow cast on the gauze curtain seems to pause for a moment, and an unspoken understanding silently flows between us by our ears.

When he speaks again, Lucien's tone is subtly deeper than before.

Lucien: (his voice noticeably deeper and a bit hoarse) This lady has quite a gift for teasing people, even more so than I had imagined.

MC: (pretending to be dumb)...Why suddenly bring that up? I just wanted to chat with you, that's all.

Lucien: (slowly whispers) Is that so? It seems like I misunderstood then.

Lucien: (whispers with even lower and more hoarse voice) I originally thought this was an observational experiment with escalating variables.

I lazily raise my tone at the end of my sentence.

MC: Can't it be both? While I do want to conduct the experiment, I also want to tell you the truth.

MC: Don't you have anything to tell me right now?

The shadow on the gauze curtain gently sways with the breeze, and Lucien seems to chuckle softly.

Lucien: (chuckles softly) For example?

MC: For example... "Miss Professor, I want to terminate this experiment early because I miss you very much too."

MC: However, I only accept applications submitted in person.

I hang up the phone before Lucien can say anything else, feeling intrigued as I gaze in the direction outside.

Will this door be knocked on tonight?

[Part 4]

The warm morning light streams through the floor-to-ceiling windows of the balcony, drenching the room with harmonious light and shadow.

I sit in front of the dressing table, lost in thought as I tidy my clothes and glance at the door that remains unknocked. I purse my lips slightly.

I pick up the notebook and write the word "physical contact" next to "sound".

Dealing with this cunning person, it seems like it's time to further upgrade the variables.

If I "tempt" him a little today, he'll probably cross that boundary, won't he? After all, yesterday he seemed reluctant to let me go on the sofa.

As I'm reminiscing about the unfinished 'embrace', I suddenly hear a knock on the door behind me, and the door is gently pushed open.

Lucien leans against the door, smiling as he meets my gaze through the mirror. There seems to be nothing unusual in his expression.

Lucien: Breakfast has arrived, do you want to eat together?

MC: Coming right up!

I take three quick steps and grab the hem of his clothes, leading him toward the outer room while teasing him as I speak.

MC: Let me guess, it's not black coffee with bread again, is it?

Lucien: Of course not. I had the hotel prepare some local churros for us. I remember that you mentioned being curious about its taste in our previous conservation.

Lucien then speaks as his gaze falls on my ear.

Lucien: (chuckle) Your earring seems to be slightly askew.

I blink belatedly. I'm about to raise my hand to adjust it when suddenly I think of something and naturally glance at Lucien.

MC: But I can't see the angle at which the earring is askew... Could you please help me adjust it, Professor Lucien?

I step forward and see Lucien nods as he bends down toward me.

Lucien: Mm, I'd be happy to help.

The warmth of his fingertips reaches my earlobe as the slightly cool earring rotates in my ear piercing. I tilt my head slightly and hear a hint of helplessness in his voice.

Lucien: The clasp design is quite intricate, so don't move around too much for now.

MC: It's just a little disturbance, it should be fine, right?

I smile and lean closer to him, almost feeling the warmth of his breath brushing against my face. The hand near my ear seems to pause for a moment.

MC: Why don't you continue?

The temperature in the air quietly rises amidst the tranquility, his figure silhouetted against the morning light, enveloping me within.

My ear is gently caressed as if by an elusive touch. I gaze into Lucien's deepening eyes, anticipating the kiss that may descend at any moment.

But in the next second, Lucien loosens his fingertips.

Lucien: Hmm, it's all adjusted now.

Amidst my astonished gaze, Lucien straightens up and calmly walks to the dining table. It's as if that momentary flash of action was just my imagination.

I hide my inner astonishment and sit across from Lucien with a calm expression, but my mind is racing with thoughts.

Strange, why does he seem so nonchalant as if nothing happened…

The long-awaited delicacies seem to have lost their appetizing flavor. I stir the juice absentmindedly, not noticing the fleeting smile that appeared on Lucien's face.

After a while, the person in front of me calmly puts down the fork.

Lucien: Weren't you curious about the taste of churro for a long time? Why does it seem like your interest is lacking now?

Lucien: Did you try it and find that it doesn't suit your taste?

MC: ....Haha, maybe I ate too many snacks on the way yesterday.

Lucien: Have some juice first. There's still some work to do at the seminar, I'll head to the reference room first.

MC: So soon... Take it easy. I'll be waiting for you to come back.

I say it while casually adjusting his tie. It's only when I hear the sound of the door closing that I slowly withdraw my gaze.

The variable has already been upgraded from "voice", but Lucien hasn't shown a more noticeable reaction than last night.

Could it be that this light and fleeting "physical contact" wasn't enough? Or is this person deliberately acting like nothing happened?

As I ponder, I set the cup down and suddenly catch a glimpse of a badge lying in the corner of the dining table. Picking it up, I find it contains Lucien's job title and other information.

MC: ...Conference badge? Did he accidentally drop it?

I quickly stand up, ready to return the badge to the conference venue, but suddenly, I pause, as if realizing something.

Then I turn around and go back to the room, putting on the new long dress I bought.

The hotel's architectural structure is far more complex than I had imagined.

With the guidance of several staff members, I finally navigate through the maze of stairs and find the corner where the reference room is located.

The bright corridor is empty, with no one in sight, and occasionally, I can hear faint footsteps in the distance, but they never come close. I withdraw my gaze and gently push open the door in front of me.

The air seems to be infused with the subtle scent of books. The dark metal chandelier and the light wooden bookshelves work together to create a bright and clean atmosphere.

As expected, there is no one in the reference room at this moment. I tread lightly, passing through the light and shadows cast by the rows of bookshelves until I finally spot Lucien in the corner.

He is dressed in a cold white lab coat, sitting on a chair, his gaze lowered as he flips through something. His slender fingers occasionally brush over the yellowed pages.

The eyes and eyebrows that are usually slightly curved when facing me are now focused and carry a distant coldness that keeps others to remain at a respectful distance.

Perhaps it's because I haven't seen Lucien in work mode for a long time, I couldn't help but stop in my tracks and silently watch him for a moment before finally walking over.

Noticing the sound behind him, Lucien casually raises his eyes to look. He seems somewhat surprised and lets out a soft "Hm?". The expression in his eyes instantly softens.

Lucien: How did you find your way here?

MC: I came to deliver something to a certain careless professor~

I smiled and waved the work badge in my hand, walking briskly to his side while also glancing around the area.

An extensive collection of anatomical diagrams and texts, medical tools, and X-ray films emitting a cold glow... I withdrew my gaze and curiously asked.

MC: Is this conference related to medicine?

Lucien sets the work badge aside and naturally takes my hand in his.

Lucien: Mm, it mainly focuses on the application of neuroscience in rehabilitation medicine.

Lucien: Local scholars have proposed many ideas in the direction of neural circuits. After exchanging our research progress, we are considering jointly publishing new research findings.

MC: Indeed, sparks are more likely to fly when minds collide~ But why is it that only you are here?

Lucien: The locals are accustomed to having a chat at the dining table after finishing their meal. Since mealtime has just passed, it will take some time before they're coming over.

I nod thoughtfully, keenly picking up on a message — which means, no one will come to disturb us right now.

I respond with an "Oh" and curiously open my mouth to speak.

MC: By the way, we haven't really talked much about your research in this area.

MC: Neuroscience and rehabilitative medicine... Does that mean helping patients recover through certain brain activities?

Lucien: The brain and body are naturally coordinated through interactions to maintain dynamic stability in various basic physiological indicators.

Lucien: Many physiological phenomena are influenced by the central nervous system. Similarly, they can also reflect the state of the human brain and even cognition.

Lucien: If you're curious, I can use heart rate as an example to give a simple explanation.

As Lucien speaks, he casually picks up a stethoscope from the medical kit in the corner. I calmly stroke my chest, but suddenly feel nervous.

If Lucien hears my rapidly beating heart right now, he will probably notice that I'm plotting something…

MC: ...Let me do it! It will leave a deeper impression if I do it myself~

I say as I pick up another stethoscope. I notice Lucien raises an eyebrow and his eyes slightly curve.

Lucien: Not only do I have to be MC's teacher, but I also have to play the role of teaching aid?

MC: Talented people should take on more responsibilities, so I'll trouble you a bit~

As if accepting my words, Lucien obediently leans back on the chair, watching me with interest as I put on the stethoscope.

Just as I'm about to place the stethoscope against his chest, he suddenly extends his hand and I stop him.

MC: Please, Mr. Teaching Aid, stay still and don't move around.

Lucien: Don't misunderstand, I just want to minimize any factors that might affect your auscultation.

As Lucien speaks, he raises his hand under my gaze and meticulously unbuttons the topmost button.

The sound of the buttons coming undone is barely audible in the confined space.

Like a small electric current passing from my auditory nerves to my chest, my heartbeat accelerates uncontrollably.

In the faint and elusive light and shadow, his slender neck and collarbone gradually reveal themselves, following the movements of his fingertips and the downward opening of his collar.

The air in the cramped information room carries a sense of warmth and stuffiness, there seems to be a hint of humidity reflected in his eyes. His jet-black bangs stick moistly to his head.

In the silence, a bead of sweat drips down his jaw, landing silently in the shallow valley that rises and falls with his breath, only to be absorbed by the damp fabric.

I exhale.

The electric currents entwined around my heart suddenly transform into a hidden flame. I can almost hear my breath slowing down as I tighten my grip on the stethoscope head.

Lucien, as if completely unaware, raises his hand and casually winds the work badge around his wrist, tightening it leisurely.

His cold white lab coat is disheveled, and the tie that was neatly adjusted when he left is now loosely hanging around his neck.

Yet, he calmly gazes at me, his tone still carrying a meticulousness that makes one want to break through.

Lucien: As you can see, I can't move freely right now.

Lucien: So, would you say I'm cooperative enough like this?

MC: ...It’s enough!!

As if trying to conceal my increasingly rapid heartbeat, I press the stethoscope against his chest, moving it along the gently rising and falling chest.

Immediately, I hear the low and rhythmic sound filling my ears.

Lucien's voice sounds timely.

Lucien: Did you hear anything?

I purse my lips without showing any emotion, trying my best to maintain a calm tone.

MC: Y-your heartbeat seems to be very fast... 81 beats per minute, is that a normal rate?

Lucien: Don't worry. Under the influence of special factors, a resting heart rate can approach around 100 beats per minute.

Lucien: (with his voice noticeably a bit hoarse and low in the end) The load brought on by exercise, changes in temperature, and the control of the autonomic nervous system... all of these can have an impact on the heart rate.

I seem to sense something and meet Lucien's gaze. His eyes look deep, as if a bit darker than usual.

But I feel like I've been scorched by flames, and my gaze involuntarily flickers. My instinct whispers softly in my ear, telling me that the person in front of me is not as calm as he appears to be.

Even though I don't feel thirsty, my throat involuntarily moves. I grip the stethoscope head, which has warmed up with his body temperature, and continue to slowly lower it.

MC: But we haven't left the data room since a while ago, so we can probably rule out the first two factors.

Lucien: Hm, a very keen deduction. What else?

I can hear the vigorous and rhythmic beats in my ears, almost in sync with the rhythm of my heart beating in my chest.

Lucien's lips curve up with a hint of praise, and his voice still carries a trace of unruffled calmness.

I casually take off the stethoscope. My knees press against the surface of the chair between his legs and move closer to him.

(...she gets on the chair👀)

Our breaths intertwine, and I can almost see my own reflection in his eyes.

MC: Your pupils have dilated a bit, and the color of your eyes has deepened.

MC: From the physiological knowledge I know, there could be many possible reasons…

MC: But considering the earlier deduction and the current situation, it seems like there's only one conclusion.

Lucien seems to let out a very soft laugh, and his hands bound by the lanyard move slightly.

Lucien: Speak out.

My fingertips slide into the tightening gap of the lanyard, pressing against his increasingly warm wrist.

MC: Are you... trying to restrain yourself right now?

MC: Or should I say, you really want to do something right now?

The wrist that I'm touching moves, and the strong pulsations under my fingertips seem to be telling me the answer in advance.

A dangerous curve forms at the corner of Lucien's mouth, and his eyes look at me from bottom to top.

Lucien: (whispers hoarsely) If I say yes, what measures do you plan to take?

My fingertips skillfully hook and release the rope binding his wrist.

The sound of the work badge hitting the ground resonates. Amidst Lucien's sudden proximity and his intense gaze, I softly laugh and speak.

MC: This is my answer.

[Part 4-Intertwined Memory]

(T/N: I KNOW y’all want to jump into the fun part but please read this part first so the next part will make more sense-)

=Flashback From Last Night=

The darkness spreads across the skyline of a foreign land, and distant lights begin to twinkle one by one.

The gauze curtain flutters, and it seems like footsteps can be heard on the balcony outside, but it quickly falls back into silence.

I turn my head slightly, only to find that Lucien has quietly brushed aside the gauze curtain and is leaning against the door, looking at me in silence.

In the flowing tranquility, ambiguity grows quietly like creeping vines. I tuck the strands of hair lifted by the night breeze behind my ear and gaze back into his eyes.

MC: At this hour... Professor Lucien, are you planning to submit an application to terminate the experiment early?

Lucien smiles and shakes his head.

Lucien: (chuckles) I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint Miss Professor.

Lucien: I just thought that there are some special circumstances in the experiment, and perhaps we need to discuss them.

I raise an eyebrow and teasingly ask for more details.

MC: Is that so? How come I feel like you deliberately found an excuse to see me?

MC: If you change the experiment process without permission, be careful, I'll consider that as cheating.

Lucien's lips curl up with a hint of slyness, and he takes a step forward.

The warm airflow brushes against his bangs, revealing those deep eyes as dark as the night.

Lucien: It's just a step-by-step progression, from hearing your voice to seeing you in person. Next, MC can continue upgrading from the current level.

Lucien: Or... are the variables you prepared ending here?

Under his smiling gaze, I choke for a moment but casually speak as if nothing happened.

MC: ...Hmph, of course not.

MC: Then do tell me, what are the circumstances you want to discuss with me?

Lucien nods and speaks seriously.

Lucien: In actual scientific research, there are several possibilities that may lead to the experiment being terminated prematurely, aside from the participants voluntarily withdrawing their applications.

MC: Hmm, I haven't heard you mention this before... For example?

Lucien: Insufficient rigor in the process, lack of experimental funding, missing key personnel... Of course, our experiment won't involve such complex factors.

Lucien: Excluding all of the above, there is only one situation that needs to be avoided.

A hint of nervousness mixed with curiosity arises. I blink my eyes and instinctively ask for further clarification.

MC: What is it?

Lucien: The experiment leader voluntarily announces giving up.

There seems to be a hint of implication in his low voice. I pause for a moment and then nod with understanding, shaking my index finger slightly.

MC: Professor Lucien is worrying too much~ In this self-control experiment, there won't be such a possibility occurring.

Lucien chuckles softly.

Lucien: At the beginning of any experiment, the experiment leader is filled with enthusiasm and belief. However, as it progresses, their mindset can unconsciously change.

Lucien: So I believe there's no need to rush to a conclusion... After all, you just said it yourself, that you really wanted to see me, right?

As he speaks, Lucien's body quietly draws closer. The night breeze is gentle, making the end of my hair caressing his face, as if there are some hidden thoughts entwined between us.

Even though we are still leaning on the railings of our respective rooms, I can't help but feel like he can hear the drumming heartbeat in my chest.

Lucien: I do have something I haven't told you yet.

Lucien: Not just today, but every night since we parted... (whispers softly) I've been missing you.

My heartbeat suddenly quickens. Under his focused gaze, I try to distract myself by pinching my palm, attempting to appear nonchalant as I avert my gaze.

MC: Hearing this before going to bed, I think I can have sweet dreams tonight.

MC: But if you want me to give up, you'll have to try a little harder~ Good Night, Professor Lucien.

Lucien gazes at me intently for a moment, then sighs lightly and straightens his body.

Lucien: (chuckle) …Good night, MC.

I nod and return to the room under Lucien's gaze. Calmly, I close the gauze curtain, then place my hand on my chest. My heartbeat is so fast that it feels like it could take flight.

I let out a sigh, half delighted and half annoyed, and bury my heated ears in the blanket.

What sweet dreams... Tonight, I probably won't be able to sleep.

[NOTE THAT, in this flashback Lucien is giving MC two choices that’ll available for her through the experiment, for MC to keep increasing the variables; or to stop the experiment by announcing that she's giving up with the experiment. And as you can see from part 3, MC still hasn't announced her surrender, only making it harder for Lucien to control himself by taking off the work badge. Since she hasn't announced her surrender, as far as both of them know the experiment still goes on, Lucien still needs to control himself, and she will increase the variable in the next part.]

[Part 5]

The air in the afternoon seems to be frozen in the silent gaze, with only the heat slowly spreading between us.

The heartbeat beneath my fingertips, the breath brushing against my face... everything about the person in front of me is telling me that he shares the same desires as I do.

I let out a sigh and dazedly gaze into Lucien's dark eyes. Suddenly, I feel a little regretful.

If we don't start this experiment, we would have more time to enjoy.

However, he's so smart that even if I don't say anything, he should have sensed my silent surrender, right? ...Then why doesn’t he 'respond' to me quickly?

I whispered in my heart, my high heels fell to the ground somewhere along the line and tangled with the pile of work badge.

Lucien: MC….

Lucien didn't speak, he just softly murmured my name.

The hand gripping my waist is caressing and tightening, as if wanting to embed me in an embrace, yet also trying to stop my movements.

The voice by my ear is as low as a sigh, brushing against my crumbling rationality. I clutch onto his clothes and bite my lips in frustration.

[Note: to avoid CN censorship- the narrative doesn't describe her actions and focuses more on her thoughts as she increases the variables and makes advances, remember that from the previous part (Part 4) Lucien is sitting on a chair, and MC also get on it- Now his breath is brushing against her face, so they're now looking face-to-face, the high heels fell to the ground somewhere along the line, so she's been on his lap for quite… some time now. She's a bit frustrated that Lucien hasn't 'responded' to her 'movements' on his lap. To put it bluntly, she’s ‘riding’ him right now.]

At this moment, Lucien's phone suddenly rings with a notification sound.

A sudden clarity flashes through my hazy mind, and I instinctively turn my head to see "The Seminar Group invites you to join the voice conference" flashing on the screen.

MC: ….

As my drowsy rationality returns, I become aware of the burning sensation in my ears. Worried about what urgent work might be, I force myself* to lean forward and take the phone from the table, handing it to him.

(T/N: 强撑 means to force oneself to do something despite struggles or difficulties, and of course, she's struggling to lean forward and take the phone because she is 'stuck' on his d-)

Lucien takes the phone with one hand, but the hand holding my waist doesn't let go. He softly shushes and casually taps on the screen.

The noisy voices suddenly come through the receiver, breaking the cramped silence.

Scholar A: ...I insist we need more evidence for this experiment.

Scholar B: It would be a waste of time..... Why do you keep quiet, Dr. Lucien?

Lucien: Keep going. I'm listening.

Despite saying so, his eyes are still stained by the tide and remain fixed on my face, as if he has no intention of letting me go.

I shake his unmoving arm, feeling slightly stifled by the situation.

Just a moment ago, he was acting all calm and unmoved, and now he's pulling and teasing me like this….

I lower my head with a hint of resentment, following the force on my waist as I go down and vent my frustration by biting him on the shoulder.

I hear a restrained gasp near my ear as I take his phone a little further away and quickly lean in to whisper in Lucien's ear.

MC: Since you have important matters to attend to, I'll take my leave.

MC: ...Once again, I have to let work occupy you first.

Amid our conversation, footsteps echo in the hallway, getting closer and mingling with the intense discussion that sounds just like the one on the phone.

The scholars who haven't hung up the call seem to have arrived outside the reference room. I swiftly place the phone back into Lucien's hand and get down to pick up my high heels from the ground.

It seems like leaving now is not an option; at least, I have to tidy up our appearances before they come closer….

The next second, my waist is tightly embraced, and I fall back into the embrace behind me again.

Lucien: I've been cooperating with MC's experiment... (whispers hoarsely) but is this as far as the variable changes go? Won't they continue any further?

His tone carries a casual yet dangerous smile. And as if responding to my previous retaliation, his scorching breath slowly trails up my shoulder.

This man is really…!

I lightly hum and give his shoulder a push.

MC: Let's talk about that later. Let me clean up first.

Lucien: No matter the reason, giving up halfway is not a good habit.

The sound of the door opening suddenly echoes, and the noise and footsteps from the corridor rush in. Separated by a dozen rows of bookshelves, I can almost see those approaching figures.

The restraint on my lower back shows no sign of loosening. I open my eyes slightly wider, and my tone finally becomes faster.

MC: Don't bully me, we won't make it in time…!

Lucien: (whispers teasingly) Really? But MC was obviously very bold when she taught me just now.

Lucien: Bold enough... to make me want to watch a bit longer, to see how far your experiment will progress.

As the words are spoken, the dark colors in my vision suddenly turn into a golden-red illuminated by sunlight. The footsteps that were close just a moment ago also disappear all of a sudden.

I snap back to reality and realize that the surroundings have turned into the rooftop at some point. I'm momentarily stunned and then realize that he has used Evol to take me away from the reference room.

The lush foliage reflects on Lucien's figure, and his eyes also flicker with changing light and shadow. His voice carries an unabashed smile.

Lucien: I thought you knew I wouldn't let anyone else see what you just did.

MC: (blushing) ...You, you did it on purpose!

Saying this, my tense shoulders finally relax a bit. I take a deep breath and suddenly remember something.

MC: They must have something to discuss with you, right? Will leaving like this affect their work?

Lucien: Don't worry. The final stage is just a continuation of the discussion, and there won't be any new issues to address.

Lucien: Compared to that, what's happening right now is even more important.

I blink my eyes and hesitantly open my mouth to speak.

MC: What you mentioned, could it be the experiment between us that hasn't yielded any results yet?

Lucien gazes at me without confirming or denying anything, moving closer in my direction. Without getting an answer, a kiss descends upon me without any hesitation.

It's as if the long-restrained emotions have finally found an outlet, his scorching lips moving passionately and entwining, and almost stealing all my breath away.

I have no choice but to part my lips, and the next second, Lucien takes advantage and delves even deeper, as if wanting to entangle and capture my tongue.

I find myself clinging to his neck, lifting my head as if surrendering to a hunter, feebly responding to this kiss.

Until I finally find a moment to catch my breath, I tilt my head away, struggling to open my mouth as if trying to gain more breathing space.

MC: Wait... this isn't scientific-

The embrace around my body seems to tremble. Lucien lifts his head, as if seeing through my intentions, his eyes filled with surprises and tinged with a sense of provocation. He shows me a rogue smile.

Lucien: ...Do we still need to discuss that experiment at this moment? Then let's continue.

Despite his words, he entangles me with a tidal-like kiss, voraciously devouring my words.

It seems like a layer of mist has clouded my vision, but I can't ignore the stirring of his fingers, so I can only beg softly for mercy.

MC: (blushing) I-I didn't mean to discuss…

Lucien: (whispers hoarsely) I told you before, giving up halfway is not a good habit, Miss Professor.

Lucien: So, make sure you let me hear it all, your judgments and conclusions…

With his words, his fingers press in as if punishing. I moan and my fingers clutching onto his solid back begin to tremble.

MC: (still blushing)....I-I remember that in the experiment, the variables need to progress continuously... to see more significant results.

MC: I-I haven't done anything now... w-why... why is it more... than when I just gave you "physical contact" earlier, I seem to be-

Lucien: Getting a stronger reaction?

Lucien takes over my words, and there seems to be a hint of amusement in his unsatisfied tone.

His deep breath comes close to my ear, and his fingertips teasingly dance around, then suddenly press in again.

Lucien: (whispers hoarsely) Because this Miss Professor hasn't considered the most core variable yet.

It’s as if fireworks are blooming in my depth, my heartbeat echoes with a humming sound. I pant a little, feeling a bit dazed, and open my mouth.

MC: ...And what is that?

A kiss that seems both like a reward and comfort lands gently on my lips.

Lucien: (exhales lightly and then whispers huskily) Your influence.

The flickering lights reflect in his glistening eyes as if trying to peer into my soul.

Lucien: "Lovers are like mirrors, reflecting their desires for each other."

Lucien: Every bit of my desire is tied with you.

Lucien: When you wish to explore the limits of my self-control, I'll be equally eager to satisfy your curiosity…

Lucien: Just like how I long to explore everything about you.

Lucien: But when you personally unlock this restraint named "self-control", naturally, I'll have even more desires.

His face looms larger in my field of vision. I tremble involuntarily, feeling his touch once again, accompanied by ambiguous whispers.

Lucien: (whispers lowly and hoarsely) ...Compared to seeking the result that we both unanimously don't care about... Right now, I'd rather immerse myself in every moment spent with you.

The kiss between our lips gradually deepens, and I involuntarily close my eyes. I feel like floating into the high clouds and falling into a soft marsh.

Every little gap in my consciousness is deeply imprinted with Lucien's traces.

In the hazy sunlight, it's as if I can hear his unfinished whisper.

Lucien: For example, in the present kiss.

[Lux's Ramble Corner]

For once I can actually see why it gets past the censor HAHA. Compared to the UR that's more explicit, PG is very careful with the kiss SP, using vague wording that can be interpreted innocently if you don't know the context😂 although you can also interpret MC's 'increasing variable' in the reference room as simply touching, or grinding against him; I think she was really moving up and down to f- him because her appearance also a mess and his finger slid very easily inside her until she reached the climax (the 'fireworks') in the rooftop garden ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

ALSO it’s mentioned that MC wears a long dress before she went into the reference room, see the how in the CG it gets rolled up lol. The angle of the CG is smart asf bc it hides their front appearance. 

ANYWAY H-WORD ASIDE, this date is really good. I enjoy their dynamic as 'opponent' and their battle of wits. Although you can say that Lucien is 'winning', at the same time he said it himself that his desire is under MC's control and influence. If MC wants to continue the experiments he's more than happy to oblige (and surprisingly he has a *really* good self-control), but since she's kind of already given up then it's just natural that he also let go of his restraint. The choice ultimately will always be in her hand.

In the MQ there's a conflict between satisfying MC's (and his) curiosity and satisfying their longing for each other. It's evident from the way Lucien immediately books the earliest flight home and MC literally takes a flight to Granada just to meet him. The experiment started smoothly, but they clearly grew to miss each other again too, and they began caring less and less about the experiment.

Although Lucien can also stop the experiment, he still wants her to be the one to put it to a stop. Because, again, her desire is his, if she wants to explore him more deeply, he will oblige. But, still, since he also misses her, he also entices her to stop the experiment, either by purposefully leaving the ID card so she will meet him in the reference room, or by tying himself up while stripping 😂.

'However, he's so clever that even if I don't speak, he should be able to see my silent surrender, right? ...Then why doesn't he 'respond' to me quickly?'

-

Really? But MC was very bold when she 'taught' me just now.

Bold enough…. to make me want to watch a bit longer, to see how far your experiment will progress.

As she increases the variables, she eventually silently surrenders, thinking that they could enjoy more time together if it wasn't because of the experiment. I think Lucien noticed this too, but at that point, he was also curious to see how far she could go.

"Lovers are like mirrors, reflecting their desires for each other."

Still, this curiosity doesn't last long because, in the end, his desire is tied to hers. The experiment doesn't matter anymore because she unconsciously desires more to spend every moment with him and for him to respond to her rather than to really test his self-control. And because of this he also let go of his self-control, showing a greater reaction even if she hasn't done anything because that's what she desires.

Also lastly, about the scratch marks and hickeys on his lower back....  the date clearly implies that they don’t immediately f-ck because of MC’s experiments. MC f-ing him with her on top won’t leave such marks too,  because to move in such a state, putting your hand here is not comfortable and that didn’t explain the hickeys (that also look older btw).  There’s no other explanation than they’re from the last time they fucked  before get separated- It must be rough and intense if they left marks that last for a month LOL. And with Lucien's tendencies to be more emotional when he parts with MC, it makes sense.

I think that’s all from me? Just my take on the plot lololol. Hope y’all enjoy this date as much as I do~

[writingmeraki]

men on a mission.

a kim mingyu drabble !

pairing : secret!agent!mingyu x secret!agent!reader, established relationship ( they are married lmao )

genre : fluff. few rotten tooth worthy fluff.

warnings : kissing and mentions of alcohol/drunkness.

author's note : well. i was inspired by a sort of dream i had abt mingyu and this sprouted out of it lmao. i rlly do hope it makes sense <3 i kinda wanna make this a fic someday but i have too much shit on my hands rn so take this instead :D also unkept, unsaid,ugly emotions other units will be coming soon and maybe something for enha too cause it's been a HOTTT minute ☝️!!

sp. dt to my svt luvr moots 🩷!! @blue-jisungs ; @shuamorollss ; @odxrilove ; @flwoie ; @strxwberry-skiess ; @bambikisss ; @enluv !!!! ( this is my small attempt at showing y'all i am alive and do think of you guys everytime i open this app :( love u all even those who aren't mentioned ! )

word count : 0.9k

small drabble in the same universe ( continuation if you wish ) !!

Mission be darned, you may just get exempted due to murdering your assigned partner.

“Mingyu! Can you please stop drinking!?” 

You were sure your forehead might have become red from the amount of times you've been rubbing it and you can feel the grey hair seeping through.

Glaring at said man as he downed probably the fifth shot of some combo of liquor, you turned your attention to the bartender.

His eyes widened as he gulped in slight fear from the anger radiating in your gaze.

“I told you to stop. No more drinks for him.” 

You said calmly as he quickly nodded his head and went in a rush to clean the already cleaned up counter for the second time, finding it better to be anywhere but near a furious person.

He knew what he was paid was not worth getting into an argument about how customer service is the top thing and all that. 

“Loosen up! Have some fun babyyy!” His words slurred towards the end and you had to stop yourself from grinning at his words. You rolled your eyes at his words before hissing out lowly towards him,

“We are not supposed to have fun, if you remember, we’re here to collect some information!” You were whisper yelling at this point but you doubt anyone would hear you anyways from the loud music playing in the club which was already giving you a headache. 

“ ‘s fine~”

“I’ll get it out some other time, just relax yeah? It’s been a while since we went out.” 

Sighing at his words, you avoided looking at his face. You knew damn well he had that specific look. The look when he really wanted something from you which you weren’t agreeing on. You think it’s his eyes that get to you every damn time. 

Suddenly, he moved from his position and clinged to your arm, almost making you fall off the bar stool as he scooted closer with his, making a screeching sound that would have made you cringe if it weren’t for the fact you were trying not to fall over from the sudden weight added.

“Mingyu!” You yelped as you moved your right arm around him, trying to hold him as support,which was another mission in itself considering how broad his shoulders were. 

His face plopped itself on your shoulder, cheek smothered on it as he spoke, “You’re so warm, always are warm.”

You suppose he was somewhat fulfilling the actual mission you’d come for, which was acting like a couple in love as bait to get some information on a group that was specifically targeting couples for their acts and scams. 

“Uhm, are you alright?” You turned to the concerned bartender, who had immediately turned towards you once again when he heard your shocked yelp from before. 

“If he’s bothering you, I can call security.”

You rolled your eyes, for probably the nth time that night, murmuring under your breath how if he hadn’t given him the shots, he wouldn’t act that way.

“No it’s fine- he gets…clingy when he’s out of it.” 

“Gyu?” The coldness of the ring on your ring finger touched his cheek which made him slightly wake up from almost dozing off as you had turned your attention away from him.

The ring didn’t go unnoticed to the bartender as he nodded at you and went about his business. 

Turns out your mission was already halfway complete because you didn’t really need to fake being a couple, after all being married for six years is probably as real as it could get. 

“You’re so pretty, wanna marry you and just be with you~” 

You couldn’t stop the giggle now, your eyes sparkling underneath the club lights as you rubbed his cheek in adoration.

Well what was the point of trying to accomplish the mission anyways? You knew you would be able to get the information through other ways, so you might as well just 'have fun' as your actual partner ( for life ) said right?

Your anger was considerably simmered since it had occurred to you, it had been an actual while since you went out with him. Even if he was your husband, it was tough to get free time when you were both the best at your agency. 

“Well I think you’ve already accomplished that yeah baby?” You don’t think you’ll ever get over how your stomach feels like butterflies are roaming around when he grins at you the way he is at the moment. 

You’ll definitely never get over how he always and always looks at you like you hung up every star in the universe just for him to gaze at in awe. He looks at you, always did as if you held all the answers to his questions and perhaps in a sense you did. You were his everything, all the answers and all the stars. 

“I love you.” Your cheeks were probably hurting from grinning so much, you could never be angry at him. 

You moved your face a little closer to his, pecking his nose and pulling back,

“I do too. I mean I don’t think I'd have kept up with your annoying ass for the past almost decade if I didn’t.”

Before he could go on a rant about how mean you were being, you moved again, placing your lips on his, effectively shutting him up as his hazy brain tried to comprehend his long time–lifetime– crush kissing him. 

He would never get used to how you would make him feel like he’s a giddy boy in love all over again just from your mere actions. He’s probably been in love a trillion times by now but just with you and only you. 

Mission be darned, if he could have you like this at the end of the day, he doesn’t think he’ll ever regret anything. 

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2024

feedback is always appreciated 💌

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[queeryu-u]

it’s all in my head but i want non-fiction

ryujin x yeji

hi there!! :D wanted to wish all of my fellow beautiful lesbians a (late) happy international day, so just wrote something v very quickly

yeah, the title is from chappell’s hot to go BUT! the story has picture you’s vibes. so it’s kinda sad?? hope u enjoy it tho <3 it’s a tiny thing to actually overcome my little situationship lmaooo (help

ryujin and yeji’s relationship is really, really hard to define. well, it depends on which one of them you ask about it, and how much they are willing to share. yeji, is extremely direct about it, it hurts, at least to ryujin. she, on the other hand, doesn’t express herself and bottles up lots and lots of emotions, even the ones she has reserved for yeji.

ryujin is used to it, doesn’t bother her their different takes on their relationship, not that she is certain about yeji’s, but knows it doesn’t match hers. neither she knew what she wanted, so she didn’t want to project her insecurities and emotional blocks on yeji’s way of living life. she just does anything she wants to, not questions asked. sometimes, no thoughts even before doing anything at all. putting her life in danger just for the sake of having fun, hanging out or hooking up. ryujin obviously knew it, and had bad headaches because of it, but still was by her side, accompanied by plenty of gasps and looks at her that should mean she’s scolding her.

to put it simple, ryujin is in the process to open herself to love, to let someone get into the unconformity that is getting under her skin, which had plenty layers to it, so many obstacles she knows she isn’t worth the try to show her vulnerability, to let it just be uncovered. one of them was hwang yeji, since she was taking too much space over ryujin’s being. it burnt and made her melt until she got stuck on the floor, no possibility of ever going forward.

most of her friends never got her, never understood the reason why she didn’t just tell her, feeling they really matched each other, so much they felt like a soft rush of water blending. they didn’t understand that’d cause a big loss, a presence she didn’t want to regret leaving behind in a few years or even before they could get to be something.

yeji is not interested in having a relationship right now, doesn’t want to commit to having one, but does hang up with men for a bit, seeing if she likes them enough to be with them for the night. ryujin knew that, and it didn’t hurt her feelings that she did, the situation reflecting itself why they wouldn’t work, at least not now. they’re not on the same page at all, and that scares the shit out of her. if in the future, for some reason, they end up together, she wants to meet her standards. not that they’re ridiculously high, assuming for the people she meets with, but because ryujin wants to give her all.

it’s dumb and cheesy. she supposedly knows that there isn’t a perfect state of being oneself to be allowed to be loved, she knows that. she knows that people grow because they’re around others, she knows she might be deserving of love just because of the way she is, and it shouldn’t be an issue that she hasn’t met a version of herself she likes enough. it isn’t that she put her life on pause, but because she never really got to start it.

she doesn’t want to halt her careless ways of being, which gives her freedom to be herself. she doesn’t want to not let her grow, she supposes. even though that doesn’t mean she had, on some occasions, her hopes up or took off her inhibitions just to be with her for a bit, even if it meant nothing between them too.

they have kissed, for a short time and a simple brush of their lips in a party, under the premise of a joke, or just for the alcohol. nothing serious. they slept together the same night, yeji in ryujin’s arms, her heart almost ceasing to work. it was a tiny sofa, if someone could call it that, that even one person would sleep really uncomfortable, their limbs not having enough space to stretch. but still, yeji insisted on them sleeping together, saying it out loud in front of all the people.

at that moment, they were practically one. when yeji laughed, ryujin could feel the vibrations of it in her back. ryujin had problems sleeping, and that night was not different but for another motive. she was pressed behind yeji, and therefore her arms didn’t have enough space to lay down, so after hours and hours of changing her position, she decided the only way she could finally sleep was to hug yeji. to put one of her arms below her, and hold her close to her, so that’s exactly what she did.

yeji was asleep, and moved slightly at the touch, but hummed at the contact, acknowledging it, and closed her eyes in weariness again. ryujin was afraid her heart would wake her up because of how hard it was beating, but it didn’t happen. so she did what she could do in these kinds of moments, to bask on the feeling of it for once.

[camaro-and-smokes]

Snowfall on the Sahara

Notes: When I started to think what to write for @harringrovelovefest 2024 I remembered that I had a draft for this laying around and @lovebillyhargrove wanted to know what happened to the boys after Snow on the Beach. So, here it is. Lovefest prompt would be 'Being crazy in love' 💜 Title from the song 'Snowfall On The Sahara' by Natalie Cole.

Rating: Mature (tagged this as such just in case even though there's really nothing like that) Warnings: No Warnings Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Boys Kissing, Boys In Love, Steve Harrington and Billy Hargrove have a crush on each other, POV Steve Harrington, Love Confessions

Read on AO3 >>

Summary: It's hard to be with Billy, yes, the world isn't ready for them. But still Steve had been with him since that one night at the quarry when Steve saw everything anew. He's been wanting to say the three little words ever since, but has been afraid to. What if Billy gets scared and runs away? What if he doesn't feel the same?

But... what if...what if he does feel the same?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“Oh, for fuck's sake!” Steve shouts when he accidentally nudges the pile of film posters on the backroom table of Family Video, making every one of them, except Mad Max, spill on the floor.

He's collecting the pile when Robin peeks into the room. “Hey, we could hear you all the way from the counter. The four of us,” she says. “Me and the mother and her twins, who I just rented Bambi for the tenth time. I am not sure if there will be eleventh time or if there is, she'll complain about our language through it.”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “I'm sorry. I was about to leave and I nudged the pile and... I just...” He sighs. “I have a date, I wasn't even supposed to be working today, and now I'm late.”

Robin's eyes bulge from her eye sockets and she walks into the room, closing the door behind her. “You have a date? An actual date with a living, breathing girl?”

Steve's not in a mood for her sarcasm and just glares up at her as he keeps collecting the posters into a pile next to him.

She squints as she leans to the door and crosses her arms over her chest. “You haven't told me anything about any girls. For a very long time, I might add. Which is kinda odd, but let's not get into that now. Who is she?”

“None of your business,” Steve retorts, and winces immediately. He looks up. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just... Uh... err... Her, umm, dad doesn't know and he really wouldn't like it, so we'd like to keep it like that. It's a secret. No one can know.” Steve shakes his head vigorously. “Honestly. No. One.”

“Secret? Steve, hello, it's me. There is no secret you couldn't tell me. I'm supposed to be the one who's afraid of you accidentally spilling the beans on my secrets, not the other way around.”

Steve stands up, places the posters on the table and leans his back to it, looking ashamed. “Yeah, well, I never knew before there could be secrets like this. Secrets that...” he couldn't end the sentence. He swallowed. “Secrets that could get someone killed,” he whispered.

Robin stares at Steve blankly for a while. “Okay,” she says slowly, “the dad really doesn't like you.”

Steve plays with his car keys and shakes his head. “It's a double-sided dagger, the whole thing.”

When he looks back up, Robin is looking back at him, concerned. After a while, a smile tries to force its way on her face. “Has to be one hell of a girl if you're willing to go that extra mile.”

Steve snorts. “Not just one but several, trust me,” he replies, amused. He feels his cheeks heating, and he looks down. “Yeah, it's worth it.”

“Okay, Casanova,” Robin smiles, “you go to your mystery date. Tell her I said hi and that your secret is safe. Because I don't even know who she is.”

“Sure, I'll tell...her,” Steve chuckles as he walks out through the backdoor.

Steve drives out from the parking lot and speeds towards the Lover's lake. He is late, he's already supposed to be there, and he's not sure if Billy will wait for him to show up this time.

Once Steve was five minutes late and Billy didn’t speak with him for a week because he thought Steve was punishing him for something by being late. Another time Billy left in the middle of their date because Steve had looked at him funnily, as if he was trash–Billy's exact words.

On some nights, Steve stared at the ceiling and wondered if it all was worth it. The hiding, being super careful of not accidentally revealing anything to anyone, making sure no one knew who he was meeting with and where. Not being able to tell everyone that he was in love with Billy and shout it from the rooftops.

It wasn't what he had dreamed of.

But then he thought of Billy listening to him talking about being lonely and being forced to live alone most of the time, not even his parents really caring about him. How he had nothing to wait for in the future. He sure as hell wouldn't get into college, and he had no idea what he could or wanted to be or do when he grew up.

And Billy understood what he meant, the feeling of being lost and alone, feeling like no one cared. Later, Billy had quietly whispered how he feared his dad and that if he ever found out about him and Steve, he'd surely beat him to death, if not both of them.

Them sharing their deepest fears, trusting each other with truths that they shared with no one else, couldn't share.

And then he thought about Billy's laughter and a smile spread across his face. Not the mean one he let out on the basketball court, but the other one. The one that bubbled out from his throat effortlessly into the air when he felt safe.

Steve had heard it for the first time when he'd taught Billy new pool tricks in their basement–because playing pool was one of the few things Steve was actually really good at and his parents supported it by buying him a real pool table. Anyway, Billy had known the basics, but Steve had given him some pointers, and when Billy had cleaned the table for the first time, he'd laughed that laughter.

It was like a fucking siren song. Something had shifted inside Steve at that moment, never to be the same again.

Since then, he'd done all he could to make Billy laugh like that.

One of the ways to do that was to make out with him on the couch until they both were rock hard and desperate for each other, almost on the brink of coming. Either would take the other's hand, pull him to the stairs, and no matter which one it was, Billy would always laugh and giggle all the way to Steve's room.

And so Steve thought of Billy in bed, underneath him or riding him, so so pretty and so willing, so ready just for him. His lips parted, panting hot and heavy in the rhythm of Steve hitting his prostate. Repeating Steve's name straight into his ear, said out loud just for him, whispered like it was a plea or a prayer. The way Billy's eyes fluttered close just before he came so Steve could always tell when he was close, how he moaned and groaned out loud shamelessly as he rode through his orgasm, a blissful expression on his face. How in the aftermath Billy always wanted to be the small spoon, how he wanted and needed to be held, kept safe even if for five brief minutes before he had to go.

And how Steve wanted nothing more but to do that, how he needed to. To support Billy, to stand by him, to love him, to keep him safe.

Yes. It was all worth it. It wasn't their fault that the world wasn't ready for their love. And they sure as hell wouldn't let the world stop them from loving each other, even if they had to keep it a secret.

Steve parks the Beemer behind Billy’s Camaro on the side of the road where it’s shortest walk to their spot by the Lover’s Lake. At least Billy hasn’t left yet, which is a good thing.

Steve doesn’t just walk but runs through the forest to the lake and then walks swiftly the tiny trail that leads to the small cove they found a while back.

It was incredible that something like it had gone unnoticed, the sand there was untouched when they found it. It had become their safe haven, even though they had to still be careful.

It's still warm even though fall is already reminding of itself by having turned leaves yellow here and there. Steve rolls up his jeans to his knees, and the water is up halfway to his shins when he passes the cliff that shelters the cove.

Steve sees Billy there, sitting by the shore and blowing out smoke rings. He lets out a relieved breath and can't help smiling as he walks out from the water to Billy and sits down next to him.

They're quiet for a while, until Billy asks, "What took you so long?"

There's hurt and insecurity hidden underneath the words.

“Fucking Keith got sick in the middle of the day and I had to cover for him. I would've called if I... I'm sorry.”

Billy looks away and wipes something from his cheek quickly.

An expecting silence falls between them. Steve knows by now not to rush whatever Billy is about to say, letting him say what he needs to say.

Finally, Billy turns to look back straight ahead to the other side of the lake. “I thought you'd forgotten,” he mumbles.

Something warm and fuzzy takes flight in Steve's chest and flutters its wings tentatively. He smiles, leaning towards Billy, nudges his shoulder with his and whispers, “I couldn’t forget you. And I'd never leave you hanging on purpose, gorgeous.”

Billy’s cheeks turn pink and he looks down while a tiny smile forces its way onto his face. He glances at Steve. “Gorgeous, huh?”

Steve wants to kiss Billy so badly. They’re so close, he could just lean in a bit and if Billy turned his face right then... but Steve just smiles. “Yeah. That.”

“Careful,” Billy says, tries to make the word sound like a warning, but it falls flat.

There's nothing Steve has to be careful about and he knows it. He grins. They play this same game each time they meet before they can get into the meat of things. Billy trying to keep up his defenses, his walls, and Steve softly and gently demolishing both one brick at a time. He knows it’s not easy for Billy to let his guard down, so he plays along. “Don’t lie, you like it,” he says, leaving out when I call you that. He'd say it out loud if they were alone in his room, but here out in the open it goes unsaid.

The rosy shade on Billy’s cheek deepens a notch, confirming that Steve is right.

Fuck it. Steve’s tired and doesn’t want to go through the whole nine yards today. “Wanna take a swim?” he asks.

Billy shrugs. “Well, if you want to get your ass kicked in a race to the sunken rock. Again,” he replies. He tries to sound indifferent, but he’s also already taking his boots off, so.

Steve doesn't bother rushing, he knows what's coming. So, he looks around and when he sees no one on the lake he leans back in his hands and unashamedly watches Billy undressing.

Billy is taking off his socks when he stops and looks at Steve, frowning. “Are we doing this or...?”

Steve smiles smugly. “Oh, we're doing it. But there's no harm in looking at first, is there?”

Billy scrunches his nose, but the redness on his cheeks turns darker.

Steve can't help but to laugh a little.

“Asshole,” Billy mutters with a small smile and pulls off his left sock.

“But I’m your asshole,” Steve whispers, making Billy smile wider as he gets up.

Billy throws the sock at Steve, making him yelp. “Come on, pretty boy, I’m going to win at this pace before you even get off the shore,” Billy says and pulls off his shirt.

Steve gets on his feet before Billy has taken barely a step towards the water. He grabs the waistband of Billy’s jeans with both hands and pulls Billy against him. “Not so fast,” he says, wrapping his arms around Billy's waist.

Billy giggles as he tries to pull away, using the damn siren song on Steve to cloud his mind and making his hug looser than he planned. Steve’s readying himself for Billy retaliating by tickling Steve, maybe - that’s Billy’s go-to weapon. But when Billy turns around, he just smiles and lets Steve to pull their bodies together.

Billy's smile and eyes still sparkle with mischief and Steve is not sure what’s it about. “You threw your stinking sock on me,” Steve says, trying to sound hurt.

Billy turns the corners of his mouth downwards, lowers his chin and looks down to the ground for a while like a kicked puppy. Then he turns his gaze back up, opening his eyes huge and fluttering his long lashes while pursing his lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispers huskily. “What can I do to make it better?”

Steve’s insides melt while his lower body forgets the things we don’t do in public -rule. He didn’t know Billy could do that. Look so innocent while promising all the sins Steve's mother always warned him about, all at once. “I, uh...can think...um...uh...” he replies, feeling his own cheeks heating and his mouth being suddenly very dry.

“Can you, now? Think?” Billy asks and his tongue slowly wanders from the corner of his mouth towards the sharp cupid’s bow.

Steve’s eyes lock onto the motion, and he swallows. He’s totally lost for words.

Billy leans closer, raises his chin and tilts his head, ready to kiss Steve.

And Steve leans in and closes his eyes, already feeling Billy’s breath on his skin.

“Race ya,” Billy whispers, pushes Steve just enough to get Steve to let go, and runs towards the waterline, laughing and stopping just for a few seconds to pull off his jeans before running into the water. He’s almost waist-deep before Steve even realizes what happened.

“Not fair!” Steve shouts and starts undressing as fast as he can.

“Snooze it and lose it,” Billy cackles before he dives under the sparkling surface and starts to swim with long, strong strokes towards the underwater rock that’s halfway to the middle of the lake.

Steve has already lost this one, he knows, but it doesn’t matter. He knows what awaits him by the rock.

When Steve finally gets by the rock, Billy already sits on it, water up to his hips. It’s a big rock, and Steve hoists himself up to sit next to his boyfriend.

“You should really work on your concentration. Performance like that...” Billy tsks, “is not gonna fly in a long run.”

Steve leans into Billy’s space. “I’ll show you a performance,” he whispers into Billy’s ear and licks the outer side of his earlobe. When Billy turns to look at Steve, his lips parted and ready for a kiss, eyes on Steve's mouth, Steve pushes him off the rock.

Billy falls off with a yelp. When he comes back on the surface, he pulls his hair away from his face and glares up at Steve. for a moment Steve is the tiniest bit worried that he accidentally made Billy lose his mood altogether.

But then Billy laughs and splashes water on Steve. “Is that all you got?” he taunts playfully, and Steve’s worry melts away. Billy pulls himself back onto the rock and sits next to Steve, closer this time, close enough so that their thighs are touching.

“I’m really sorry I was late,” Steve says. In the water, underneath the surface, he takes Billy’s hand in his and laces their fingers together.

Billy nods.

The shy gesture would be so out of character for Billy if he was anywhere else but here alone with Steve. When the cocky armor he wears melts away, he looks so young, like the eighteen-year-old he is. Uncertain of the world ahead, hoping for the best and truly fearing for the worst–the latter for a good reason.

Steve's happy that he's not the only one who’s lost. He leans to Billy’s shoulder. “What was that you did back there on the beach?” he asks.

Billy looks down and smiles shyly. Crinkles form into the corners of his eyes and he’s blushing again.

Steve can’t help smiling either. “I liked it,” he whispers.

Billy glances at him. “You did?”

Steve nods, smirking. “It was weird. But also hot.”

Billy smiles a wide smile as he lays down on the rock on his back and is almost engulfed by the water. “Want more?”

Steve leans his elbow on the rock, trying not to forget that it’s slippery, and looks at Billy, who looks back with the widest grin. Suddenly, Steve feels stupid. Stupid as in how seeing his boyfriend happy makes him forget every smooth one-liner he planned and practiced, and just stare - probably with a goofy grin.

And it all suddenly tucks Steve's heart in a way he didn’t know was possible. The fuzzy thing in his chest spreads its wings and the wings are so big that it’s a miracle that he's not floating in the air by now. That’s how high he is from the mere sight of the boy he loves. Loves. Who hopefully loves him back. A little. Maybe?

Steve leans down, whispers, “You're hot,” and kisses Billy.

Billy smiles against Steve's lips and lifts his hands to run his fingers through Steve's hair. When they have to stop to breathe, he whispers, “You're not so bad yourself, pretty boy.”

Steve sets his thigh between Billy's legs and his other arm around Billy's torso, hugging him tightly as they continue kissing.

It doesn't even matter that the wind has picked up a little and the water splashes on their faces from time to time in small waves. The water is warm, the sunlight on their skin is even warmer, their insides burning as they breathe through each other.

Until the rock reminds them that, indeed, it's underwater, full time, and slippery.

Steve fixes his position just a little to get even closer to Billy, but the arm he's leaning onto slips just a little and he falls on his side, and the only thing he can try to hold on to is Billy.

They hit the water at the same time.

They both emerge from the water and Steve is immediately on Billy, trying to look for signs of any scratches.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, concerned. “I’m so sorry, I forgot the stone is...”

Billy looks at his arm and rubs it. “I might have a tiny scratch. Nothin’s broken.” He raises his gaze back to Steve and grins. “But you can show me how sorry you are.”

Steve smiles. Had it been any girl he would be endlessly apologizing to get out of the doghouse. With Billy, instead, it's just nah, it’s just a scratch. Now kiss me.

So easy. So right.

Steve pulls Billy against him, wrapping his arms around Billy's waist, and looks at the sparkling blue eyes and the lips that are already slightly parted, ready for devouring. He wants to say I could spend the rest of my life looking at you, but decides that it's probably still too early for that. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, and kisses Billy.

Billy’s lips are soft, they always are. Warm, too. Kissing with Billy is always a rush this time, too. Steve smiles against Billy’s lips. It's been just a month since they first kissed at the quarry and he is so head over heels that it might’ve been embarrassing if it was anyone else. He wants to tell Billy, but whenever he looks at him in the eyes, determined to say the words, he gets this icy dread inside him. What if Billy runs away when I say how I feel?

Billy pulls back from the kiss slowly, leaving Steve chasing after him until he realizes Billy is looking at him with that tiny smile on his face he always has when they're laying in bed and coming down from their orgasms.

Yeah, he had the cocky, wide grin on his face many times too, making it blatantly clear that there was going to be a round two or three and Steve had nothing to say to it but to endure. But this small one always promises something else: that Billy has something intimate to say, just for Steve to hear.

“I love you.”

The words are barely a whisper, but Steve can read them from Billy’s lips. He blinks a few times, feeling his jaw going slack of the surprise of hearing the words before saying them himself. He's so stunned that Billy apparently takes it as a rejection, because his face turns pale and his eyes dart back and forth in Steve’s, probably thinking that he’s done the worst mistake of his life.

Billy is already pulling away from Steve when Steve finally manages to remind his brain of how to work.

“Hey,” Steve gasps and smiles. “I love you, too.” Now that he's not the first one to say the words, they fall out of his mouth so easily.

Billy looks at him warily. “You do?”

Steve smiles a bit wider, because now he can free the overwhelming emotion from its cage inside his chest where it's been trapped until now, letting is soar to the open sky. “Yeah. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, but it never felt right to say it because I was afraid that...that-that you wouldn’t feel the same.”

An impossibly wide smile lights up Billy’s entire face and he lets out a soft laugh. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in this fucking sorry excuse of a town ever since we moved here. Of course, I feel the same.”

“I've felt like this ever since I saw you at the quarry, smoking in the evening sun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You'd been a definite asshole until then, and you're that a little still,” Steve says grinning, “but you were so beautiful, standing there in the sunlight... I stood no chance. I was done for right there and then.”

Billy goes red – his entire face, tips of his ears and all the way down his neck – and he looks down bashfully. After a while he looks back at Steve, that wide smile on his face the traps his tongue between his teeth. “That's... uh... That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks, feeling his own cheeks heating, too.

The expression on Billy's face changes and he bites his lower lip. Steve knows that look. He knows it so well, the promise, the yearn in it, and he lets out an involuntary breath.

“Wanna say it again?” Billy asks huskily.

Steve's eyes go wide. “Yeah,” he says, with conviction.

He lets go off Billy and the moment he does Billy is already swimming towards the shore, leaving Steve to catch up.

“Snooze it and lose it,” Billy shouts after him.

"Asshole!" Steve shouts and starts swimming.

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

Personal recap GPF 2023 Men SP

Not that anyone cares for this but I bring this back anyway, also it's a personal opinion so if you don't agree that's completely fine with me. 😊 I usually posted recaps on @jennibeultimate but for some reason it saved it here 🤷

Congratulations to Ilia, Shoma and Yuma for posting scores above 💯! 🥳

Shoma Uno - What an amazing SP from Shoma! 😍😍😍🔥🔥🔥🔥Shoma is on a totally different level of skating when it comes to choreography, emoting to an audience and the step sequence was glorious. 🔥🔥🔥Also Shoma 3 out of 3 SPs with a 💯+ score and 4T3T when he didn't manage to include 4T3T last season at all. This is already a huge success and shows you some unknown consistency. 106,02 is also his 2nd highest SP ever at almost 26 years. It's his 9th senior season, but he looks as confident as never before.

I think though that Shoma's PCS were too low. Yeah I am aware he had the highest PCS of the 6 competitors but yet how can they all be within just 4 points??? I mean if Ilia is getting 44 Shoma should get 50!!!

Scoring aside Shoma showed he didn't come to play and that he won't go down without a fight! Everything else - scores or placements - aren't in his hands!

Ilia Malinin - Ilia's 4A was so casual wow 🔥🔥🔥Ilia with a world record BV🔥...that x on the TES box had me shook, but ok judges did it right (besides that Belgian judge with the -5 GOE 💀)...not sure if the 4A was really worth it (Shoma's PB TES score is 62,36 from Worlds 2022, Ilia's today was 62,53 with a 4A) but I mean today it did win him the SP and a personal best score... Ilia's PCS however wtf💀💀💀 I am ok with Ilia winning the SP though I personally would have seen Shoma in first but well...good job Ilia! 👏👏👏

Yuma Kagiyama - I love Yuma's SP. And his 4S is chef's kiss 😍 The best 4S of the business! I am sooo happy Yuma is back in form! I also think the point difference is ok. Still yeah Yuma's PCS in comparison to Ilia's...just no...

Kevin Aymoz - An artist on the ice! 🩵 Shame about the 3A. He only has outsider chances at a medal but I think he's just happy to be there. And I am glad he is there, he brings such a different style to skating and such unique movements!

If we talk about uniqueness we have to talk about Adam Siao Him Fa! Such a shame about the popped Lutz. In this field this mistake can cost you the Gold but there is still the free skate and when CoC teached me any lesson, then that Adam can skate brilliantly in the free to make up for it and that a 15 point lead means nothing. But ofc it's going to be much harder for him. I think his PCS suffered from the mistake, apart from the mistake I liked his performance. 😊

Kao Miura also made a costly mistake but much less a problem than Adam's mistake. I think skating after Shoma and Yuma wasn't helpful for his PCS. He is a very energetic skater and I really like his program. I just think that of the ppl in the field (apart from Ilia) his skating isn't as refined and looks a bit rushed. His speed is tremendous. 🔥 He has a new season best, which was a bit surprising considering the mistake...but I am not complaining, judges weren't stingy with anyone in particular...

Nothing is decided yet and this will be an exciting free skate! Ofc the skaters leading atm have a much better position but they are close together and one mistake can change the order.

Men definetly weren't menning which is great. Just two minor mistakes and one big one! 👏👏👏👏

Good luck for the free skate everyone!

Chart by @ bigfanofskating (Twt)

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Hello!!!! For the fluffiest smutfest - Happy Lowman with accidental tickling caught my eye 👀

Masterlist

Weakness

Contains:Fluff, smut (oral sex M and F receiving, face sitting, fingering, P in V.)

1.4K words

Comment if you want to be tagged/removed or follow #Sp's fluffiest Smutfest

You discover Happy's Achilles heel.

Gif from Google

It was one of those times when everything was wonderful, there were no issues with the Club, work was great and you had nothing to do. It was a cool afternoon and you and Happy were lazing around on the couch with his head in your lap while as scratched his scalp while you enjoyed the nature documentary on TV.

The dog, Snowball, was on his special chair, lying on his back with his legs in the air and his tongue hanging out of his mouth while he snored softly, "I swear that dog has it better than most people."

Happy chuckled, "he's the best boy, he deserves everything he wants."

You shook your head, "he is a good boy, I also bought him a puppy pool."

Happy huffed, "you are worse than me."

You bent over and kissed him, "hell yeah I am."

He sighed, "you wanna go somewhere fancy tonight? I figure if we treat Snowball we should treat ourselves too."

You smiled, "that would be really nice, what about der volle Tisch?"

Happy thought for a moment, "that new German place that has a Michelin star in its other location? Why not, I know a guy who can get us in."

You kissed him again, "of course you do."

You threw off your shoes at the end of the night, your belly full as you flopped down on the couch, Happy sitting next to you, "that was amazing."

Happy smiled and held up a bag, "shall we give puppy his treat?"

Snowball seemed to know what was going on, running over with a silly dog smile on his face. You reached into the bag and took out the container, opening it and showing him the stake, "are you a good boy?" There was a tail wag and you put the container down, Snowball munching the stake down while his tag wagged so hard his whole butt wagged.

"That was so worth the forty dollars."

Happy met your eye and kissed you, his lips soft against yours as you placed your hand on his chest. The dress shirt felt strange under your hands as you ran your hands from his hard pecs to his ribs, you must have touched him in just the right way because his eyes went wide and he looked at you like you had just discovered a horrible secret.

"Happy, are you ticklish?"

He shook his head, "no, your hands are cold." You looked him dead in the eye and did it again, and he clenched his jaw to hold back the laugh.

You smiled maniacally and did it again, harder this time and his whole body twitched, "you are, you're ticklish."

The smile on your face had him half grinning, the rest of him doing his best to look scary, "sure, but I know you are for sure." He gave you an evil smile and you took off running, doing your best to dodge his arms.

Snowball was interested, his head tilting and you took advantage of his need to get praise, "where's daddy?" He ran between you, jumping on Happy to show you how smart he was. Your plan worked twofold, Happy couldn't stop himself from patting him, and a sixty pound dog jumping on Happy with his tongue out slowed him down.

Happy managed to give him an extra good scratch and Snowball walked away to sleep off his steak. You hadn't moved from your spot and Happy tensed, "you're really in for it now little girl."

You didn't have the chance to run, a long arm wrapping around you as fingers went into your side. You tried to apologise through your laughter and Happy took mercy on you, spinning you in his arms and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss deepened and then his hands were brushing the straps of the dress off your shoulders.

He pecked your cheek and stepped back, taking in your nice but not fancy lingerie, "what?"

He smiled, "I like this colour on you." The love in his eyes as he looked you over was painfully clear, like he had never seen something so wonderful.

He took your hand in his and walked to the bedroom, stopping in the middle of the room as you undid the buttons of his top. You dropped the top in a pile and removed his belt then pulled his pants down, his half hard cock tenting his boxers. The mischievous look in your eyes was back and Happy raised his eyebrows, "don't you dare."

You raised your hands, "I was only thinking about it, I wasn't going to do it."

He smiled and took our face in his hands, rubbing your nose with his then kissing your senseless. His hand ran up your back and he undid your bra, his lips moving down your neck as he walked you backwards until your knees hit the bed.

He pulled your bra off your body then ran his hands down your side and gripped the legs of your panties and pulled them off too, licking his lips as he took you in.

You reached out to take off his boxers and he slapped your hands away with a laugh, "I don't trust you."

You snorted in fake offence, "I don't think your penis is ticklish Hap." The laughter continued as he waved you up the bed and climbed on top of you, his lips finding yours in a gentle kiss. You wrapped your arms around him and hooked your leg in his, flipping over and landing on top of him, "are you going to let me suck your dick or don't you trust me?"

Happy smiled, "suck away."

You wrinkled your eyebrows and made a face, "way to take all the romance out of it."

His hand stroked your cheek as you pulled his boxers off, Happy's cock springing free as he sighed with relief. You licked him from base to tip and back again then taking the tip in your mouth while your hand cupped his balls. Happy's hand found the back of your head as he guided your mouth further down.

"That's it, you're so fucking good at that."

You went down as far as you could, your free hand covering what your mouth couldn't as you rolled his balls with the other. Happy was grunting and groaning as you swallowed his down. He tapped your cheek and you pulled back, "what is it my love?"

He smiled, "come up here and sit on my face."

You rolled your eyes, "when you ask like that how can I say no." You did as he asked, hovering over him as his hand found your thighs and he nodded for you to sink down on him. He moaned against your flesh as your taste filled his mouth, his tongue darting out to lick your clit. You clenched your legs and did your best not to crush him as his lips wrapped around your clit and he removed one hand from your thigh to circle your entrance with two fingers.

His fingertips found your G-spot and he moaned again as your started to rock your hips against his mouth, the vibrations shooting up your body. The hand on your thigh squeezed your tight enough that you were sure you were going to bruise and you barely had the chance to warn him before you were cumming all over his face.

You held yourself up by the headboard and caught your breath before moving to kiss him as you hovered over his cock, tasting yourself on his lips and reaching down to grab his cock as he grunted, kissing him one last time before sliding down in one go.

"Fuck." Happy's voice was tight as you began to rock your hips back and forth, placing your hands on his chest to stabilise yourself. He sat up, with a smirk, his lips finding your nipple as he ran his hands up and down your back. You faulted as you got closer to the edge, Happy hips picking up the slack as he rocked into you.

His hand found your clit as he angled his hips to brush your G-spot and with one last pass, you fell over the edge. Happy hips became harsh as he chased his own high. The noises he was making becoming feral as his teeth sunk into your neck and he pulsed inside you.

You rested in his lap and he shifted his hips, slipping out of you then wrapping his arms around your body in a loving embrace, "you good little girl?"

You nodded, "I'm great, I love you."

He smiled and rubbed his cheek against yours, "I love you too."

Fin

[ducknotinarow]

[SF RaphVon - no shame uwu]

Yvonne was the first of the two to wake up, the girl yawning, half aware of how messed her hair and make up was. Looking back to the sleeping turtle, Yvonne smirks to herself. So worth it. Clambering to the edge of the sewer tunnel, she pops her head out, glancing around.

Would it be wrong of her to sneak out without a goodbye? Probably...

Though that idea immediately is cut short, when she see's someone else up and about. Another turtle, with a nice red mask on...oh! She recognised him. Lifting a hand to her lips, Yvonne used her fingers to whistle, getting the other's attention. Fingers removed, she waves to him,

"Yoo-hoo!" She laughs from her perch, "I saw you last night up on the roof, with that human and Donnie-dear," Yvonne giggled, "Don't you worry, Donnie and I have worked out all our kinks - and conversed, as well."

She smiles down at him, tilting her head a little,

"I'd like to thank you, Don mentioned it was you that suggested we meet up and 'talk'."

And talk they totally did. Yvonne looked around, frowning when she couldn't see a few of her items. She soon looked back down to him,

"Oh, hey, if you see my jumper, lemme know, Don threw it somewhere last night - cheers!"

Yvonne shuffled back to go and start getting dressed, only to quickly scurry forward with some realisation, as she yelled back down,

"I'm Yvonne by the way!" She tells him her name, "Don didn't tell me yours and the other guys names though - feel like letting me know?"

| Muse Interaction [continued from here]

Even after Casey explained about maybe the fourth or fifth time around Raphael just didn't fully understand what the fuck had happened back there in the slightest. Like sure he understood Von was this pretty mutant lady they seemed just as stubborn as his own twin was. Who despite what he thought or claimed was clearly no better than Raphael himself. They were there for a fight. Why else would have taken Raph's suggestion on letting Casey and him tag along? Casey seemed to finally give up trying to explain as they went about their own night instead.

Having gotten far to caught up into the trouble they found to put a stomp down on. And not to mention Casey themself, he had forgotten all about what happened between knocking in skulls and knocking Casey back against a wall when watching them kick ass got to him enough to need to kiss them hard. Kicking the dragon loser who was dumb enough to complain about having to see that, with a kick to the side of their head. Raphael didn't want to put an end to to the night well he did just not in the way it ended. That kiss alone before they had to part ways. Casey off home and Raph dropping down into the sewer tunnels. Texting Casey to let him know he made it home safe before he slipped his phone away.

The lair was still pretty quite it seemed. The tv wasn't on so Mikey must have gone off to bed, Leo wasn't up just yet so wasn't that early still late enough it would seem. Guess Raph got lucky on his end not having to deal with hearing about being out to late once again. Darn he had the excuse the sun wasn't in the sky just yet ready to give even at the moment. A roll to his shoulders as he slowly tilted his neck to the left and then the right. Feeling bone given and pop with the pressure given, helping to lossen him up after a night of straining his muscles. As he was ready to give them a rest and head for his own bedroom his hammock sounded liked the perfect place to just drop dead into then and there. But a sharp high pitch tone caught his attention as he looked back towards where it came from.

"uh?" was his only real reaction as he offered a tilt of his head even with eyes trained to see in the dark he was having a hard time understanding what he was seeing here.

"Yoo-hoo!"

The laugh that follows is enough to tell him that yeah he is at least seeing correctly as he makes his way over towards the opened pipe Donnie used as his well more his bed over a full room. Any space he could claim his own tended to go more for a work setting over a place to rest. One word Raph knew that Don didn't at least.

"I saw you last night up on the roof, with that human and Donnie-dear,"

"Oh" Raphael simply stated kind of no recalling eailer in the night but that left even more confused than he been before as he let himself try and think for a second here. How did she? "Uh why ya up 'here?" He let his thought continue out past his thoughts.

"Don't you worry, Donnie and I have worked out all our kinks - and conversed, as well."

Raphael slightly quirks his beak at that, no so much her wording or let along phasing more over he isn't sure how much he likes sharing the nickname with someone he doesn't know to well. But well he guesses he can't really stop her from using it that be more Don's say? He might not like it much if Casey used his nickname but wouldn't say they couldn't call him it either? Somehow it doesn't phase him that if she was using it seemed thing really had sort of gone in a different direction then they had planned when arranging their met up after all.

"I'd like to thank you, Don mentioned it was you that suggested we meet up and 'talk'."

"Nah I said fight." Raphael is quick to correct, moving to fold his arms over in front of his plastron. Feeling it was important to make that statement clear. "Why fight 'ith words when action can talk for you." Similar to what he told Donatello before when making the suggestion to his twin. He notes how she changed her attention else where seemed to be looking for something. Maybe her glasses they weren't on her face after all. The state of her hair and make up was pretty bad as well, hair was flaying out in many directions and make so smeared Raph only now seemed to understand it wasn't actually part of her face.

April would smack him for that line of thought. So he lower his gaze to see if he can find them. And maybe a mirror so to warn her of the mess she looked at the moment. Another smack would be earned seeing his thought that followed was to tell her as much.

"Oh, hey, if you see my jumper, lemme know, Don threw it somewhere last night - cheers!"

"Jumper?" he asks "Why didja bring cables 'ith you?" Raphael innocently asks, not his fault this women spoke a different language them he did.

Letting his arms drop he dose try to see if he can spot out a set of jumper cables. Assuming since she was smart like Don maybe they were working on something together? And that was why she was up in his bed. He didn't follow Don's who thing with the portals, them still wishing to understand how they worked. Leo didn't feel they were really done with the whole ordeal even after getting Splinter back so Don's obsession hadn't ended just yet. All he did find on the floor was a sweater so he grab that and looked it over. Pretty sure she had been wearing it before right?

oh!

Well now he understood why she looked like a mess, trying to cover his beak with his free hand. "Oh I gotta tell Case 'bout this." He said to himself. Once things seemed to click and fall into place now. How you go from claiming to hate to making out he still didn't understand but making out to fucking? Oh that part he understood but oh he just could not get over this reveal. Don literally boned her the first chance he had. Recalling how frustrated Don became over hoe pretty she was alone just made it worse. For Donatello that is. Moving to stand when she poked her head once once again.

"I'm Yvonne by the way!"

"Yvoone?" he repeats it back, as if he didn't understand and in part well he hadn't he was pretty sure her name was Twitter this whole time after all. "Uh, well I 'ike that betta 'han Twitter." He idly remarks not giving an explanation on his own end.

"Don didn't tell me yours and the other guys names though - feel like letting me know?"

Raphael just smirks at her, "Raphael, the bozo in the mask is Casey." he answers with as he holds up the sweater her way "Didn' find that cables but uh here 'his." He offers letting go once she had it in her hold. Shifting his weight on his feet as he crossed his arms once again. "Ya know should really tell Don there if he gonna have company ov'a lest he can do is make sure ya decent before anyone else comes to talk to you." He teases a little it was clear Von didn't feel an ounce of shame nor embarrassment on what happened between them. But Donnie wouldn't.

"I mean jeez only one of us only gotta met ya" he smirks a bit more "Ya know still kind of late, the other will be up soon. An' I know my brother Mikey won't mind cookin' for one more. Hows 'bout stickin' around a tad longer? Sides' 'm sure The other 'ike to learn you an' Donnie got along afta meetin'" He gose on to suggest because what was worse than Raphael knowing what happened? and by extension Casey since he told them everything. Than the whole family finding out what Don's little conflict resulted in the end?

[remcycl333]

you don’t need to be happy to be manifest!! but...

who doesn’t want to be happy?

(long post alert, sorry in advance lol. but please read it all the way through, i really think it’ll be worth it<3)

ok, to preface this, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. i’ve manifested great, positive things while i was in depressive episodes. i manifested wonderful things with tears streaming down my face. BUT, i think something a lot of people overlook is that it’s really beneficial to feel positively about your desires.

this is something i realized a few months ago, saw great results from, and then forgot all about and, well, stopped seeing the progress i wanted. but i’m back on track now, don’t you worry.

(i’m going to be using the example of my sp, bc that’s what i have the most experience with, but this applies to literally anything u r manifesting) 

i’ve made a few other posts saying pretty much what i’m about to say in this next paragraph, so if you’ve already read those, i’m sorry for repeating myself. just bear with me lol. 

so i came to a realization a few months ago--and i don’t exactly remember how i came to this realization--that i kind of...hated my sp? like i fucking resented him. and i was like, wait a minute, that’s not right. i love my sp. that’s why i’m trying to manifest him! so why do i feel like this?

i used to focus on manifesting in steps, so naturally the first step was contact. so i’d be affirming all day every day��“my sp is texting me right fucking now😡“ (and other variations) and then when he didn’t text me, it’d just make me angry at him. but technically, he didn’t even do anything wrong?? sure he didn’t text me, but he had no clue he was supposed to? idk it was all complicated and weird. and then when i wasn’t mad that he didn’t text me, i was having arguments with him in my head, preparing for some weird fight that my brain just assumed was going to happen whenever we did get into contact. which is weird, bc my sp and i never fight. like, this is my ex. yet i literally cannot tell you a single fight that we have ever had. we literally get along perfectly. we have never fought (or even argued) once in all the time that we’ve known each other. yet my brain was always fighting him. and it was just, exhausting?

and so one day, when i was troubleshooting, i realized: rem, if you were in a relationship right now with your sp, would u hate him? would u be constantly fighting with him? god i fucking hope not! 

now, what would i be thinking? i’d be laying in bed at night, hugging my pillow, thinking about how much i love him. reflecting on how happy he makes me, how perfect he is, how good he makes me feel. i’d be thinking about how he is the most perfect boyfriend i could ever have asked for. i’d be content after spending a long day with him, excited to spend the next day with him as well. 

and during the day i wouldn’t be wondering why he wasn’t texting me. if anything, i’d be wondering why he was texting me considering we were literally hanging out, together, at that very moment! 

i would trust him. i’d be walking on cloud nine. i’d be content. i’d be...happy. 

now, in no way am i saying that you need to be happy 24/7, or dancing on air, or feeling intense butterflies in your stomach. you’re allowed to have other emotions. you’re allowed to feel anger, you’re allowed to break down and cry! you’re allowed to have bad days. but if you’re feeling these negative emotions about your desire, i want you to try your hardest to release them. i don’t think any of us want to have breakdowns over our manifestations and cry about them, but if it happens, it happens. just pick yourself up afterwards--or stop it before it even really begins, trust me, it gets easier to do this--and maybe do a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, and remind yourself why you’re on this journey in the first place. once again using the sp example, it’s because you love your sp. because they are perfect for you! they make you happy. you love their smile, their laugh, the witty conversations you have with each other. you love being in their arms.  you love when they’re in your arms! they did something that made you fall in love with them, or want to be in a relationship with them. what was it? focus on that. 

enough with the sammy ingram (i could go on a whole rant about her) style affirmations. with the “he’s going to fucking text me, he has no choice, he’s my fucking boyfriend and he does what i say.” like....ew?? i used to say shit like this, and it was really what started making me resent my sp. i was ordering him around in my head, creating this weird dynamic between us (which, he wasn’t even aware was there), and getting mad when he wasn’t doing what i was ordering him to do. looking back, it was borderline psychotic. it was just turning it into me against him, and that’s not what i wanted at all. i want to be in a relationship with him, with mutual love. i don’t want to be his boss, or his mom, or his fucking military sergeant!! (i don’t even know if that was the proper term bc fuck the military, but u guys know what i mean lmfaooo)

(disclaimer if u use these types of affirmations and they work for you, go for it. but i used them for a while and they just weren’t it for me. carry on)

i guess what i’m trying to say is, those affirmations weren’t making me feel good. they weren’t making me feel like a “boss ass bitch”. they were making me feel...like a bitch. and strangely, powerless. i’d say these affirmations, or just bland ones where i wasn’t necessarily demanding my sp to throw himself at my feet and kiss my shoes and tell me he is nothing without me, and ultimately, if i wasn’t feeling resentment, i was feeling...nothing. 

once again, i want to make this so so so clear, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. but my belief? if your affirmations aren’t making you feel joy, or excitement, or contentment, then what’s the fucking point? if you think of your desire, and don’t feel positive feelings about it, then you might have lost your way a little. 

don’t worry!! it’s an easy fix. easy, and even...fun? rewarding? comforting? i just want you to take some time--laying in bed at night is the perfect time to do this in my experience--to think about why you want your desire so badly. do you want money? think of how great life is going to be once you have it. of all the stuff you’re going to buy, for yourself, and maybe even for others. don’t focus on the problems you want to fix with it right now. think of that clothing item you’ve had your eye on, or that book you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t felt like “wasting” money on. think of how excited you are to buy those things, because you’re going to! think of the good. not the bad.

remember: you create more of what you focus on. focus on the good, get the good. focus more on the bad...get more of the bad. 

your manifestation is done. it is created. it is on it’s way to you. it is here! all there’s left to do is feel excited. it’ll be here any moment now, how fucking exciting is that! it’s safe for you to be happy. it’s safe for you to focus on the feelings you would have if you had it, rather than focus on affirming specifically to bring it to you. it is safe to be happy. 

i used to affirm solely for contact, all day every day, and sometimes i’d get it. but it’d be short lived, my sp would be distant, etc. but then once i started focusing on truly living in the end and basking in my love for my sp, thinking about how perfect and amazing he is, i not only got contact (without having to specifically affirm for it), but he was actively engaged in our conversations, making up new topics to keep the conversation going, asking me about and expressing interest in my hobbies and interests, bringing up and reminiscing on old memories of our previous relationship, complimenting me, flirting with me, asking me to hang out, etc. shit i was not getting when i was “he is so fucking in love with me and he’s texting me right fucking now”-ing all day long. i started focusing on how amazing and perfect and good to me he was, and that’s exactly what i got in my reality. who would’ve thunk? 

and you know what? yeah, he fucking loves me. he misses me and he wants to be with me. but that’s a given. but that doesn’t fucking matter. i am the only person who matters in my reality!! sure he loves me, but do i love him??? that’s what the universe wants to know. that’s what truly fucking matters. the universe brings me my desires. so i’m gonna fucking desire it! 

guys, please trust me on this. just try it out, with whatever you’re manifesting. this could be what you’re missing. this could bring your manifestation to you. i promise, if you’re like i was and feel resententment or anger or hatred towards your desire, this is going to make you feel so fucking good. just stick with this for a week or two. i promise, you’ll see movement.

and remember, there is no one to change but self. don’t change them (or it), change your perception of them (or it). 

let’s make manifesting fun again!!! it’s the perfect tool to bring happiness into your life. so fucking let it!!!! 

so no, you don’t need to be happy in order to manifest. but....maybe, just maybe, prioritizing your happiness isn’t such a bad thing. i mean, who doesn’t want to be happy?

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Mr. Gallagher and Me

Jim (The Delinquent Season) x Y/n

Playlist Chapter 5 Masterlists

Chapter 6

Jim gives Y/n some exciting news. Then,on Halloween weekend, Jim, Y/n and his kids venture to a festival where some revelations about what he wants- or doesn't want- for his future stands to threaten their relationship.

Early October “I think you could be on track for Spring commencement,” Jim grinned, leaning forward to rest her laptop on the coffee table central to his living room. 

Moving the wine glass away from her lips, Y/n’s eyes brightened and she had to stop herself from squealing, “Really? Are you sure?” She set the glass down next to the half finished bottle of red wine. 

“Yeah,” Jim nodded as she shifted, bringing one leg up on the sofa, barely paying any mind to how her bare knee had grazed his thigh, “Everything’s in order, obviously Nadia will be reviewing  it, but I think she’s gonna be really impressed.”

“So that’s it, its presentation ready?” She asked hopefully, still not believing that her thesis was as good as done. It felt like she’d only started her degree a couple of months ago, but really, it had been one full academic year and now all her late nights spent writing and researching, and all that time she’d spent working on it during the summer break was paying off, by April, she could be holding her signed degree. 

And then she’d have to figure out what to do with the rest of her life. 

“It is, yeah,” Jim chuckled at her disbelief, “It’s ready, you’re ready,” he reassured.

“And you’re not just saying that because you're looking to get laid tonight?” Y/n teased giggling when he went a little red in the cheeks.

With a surprised sigh, Jim removed his glasses, setting them down on her laptop. “I’m not,” he laughed, “But I can still get laid tonight, right?” He asked quickly after, the words tumbling out as if he wasn’t even sure that he should ask. They’d been together for just over six months and anyone could see that he still sometimes fumbled with his words around her, getting flustered when she put him on the spot or when he asked or said something that he thought might have been inappropriate. 

Bursting into a fit of giggles, Y/n leaned forward, getting so close that when he shifted his head, he could easily glance down and admire how her cleavage filled out her pale blue mini dress. She rose her hand to his neck, allowing her thumb to caress in jaw in slow motions, “I don’t know,” she smirked wickedly before pressing a chaste near his ear, “Would you like to get laid, Mr. Gallagher?” She loved calling him that, and the way his ears would sometimes go bright and his breath would hitch made it all the more worth it. 

“It’s so fucking hot when you call me that,” Jim said suddenly and the mood changed, from relaxed to charged with sexual tension, as the he turned slightly and grabbed her by the waist. Without much effort, he pulled her into his lap, and Y/n let her legs slip to either side of his thighs, the fabric of his jeans rough against her skin, “Say it again,” he breathed his words hotly into her mouth, just as he tugged on the string behind her neck that served hold her dress up, undoing it with haste to render her chest bare. 

“Mr. Gallagher,” Y/n taunted between hot, heavy kisses, “I need you to fuck me, please,” she heaved as his rough hands roamed her satiny skin. 

Jim hummed into her mouth while putting his hands on her breasts, enthusiastically massaging them, “Oh sweetheart,” his words were hampered by a sharp hiss when she ground in his crotch, and she felt sparks ignite in her center, “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

Late October  With her thesis in Nadia’s hands for review and his students occupied with midterm projects, she and Jim had found that they had a little extra time on their hands. Their stint of free time had coincided with the last weekend before Halloween, and knowing that she hadn’t seen anything outside of Dublin since she’d been in Ireland, Jim had suggested that they, along with his kids, spend the weekend in Derry and check out the annual Halloween festival. 

Of course, taking Alannah and Ben for the weekend meant meeting their mother, Danielle, for the first time, an introduction which had gone just the way one would expect it to when meeting one’s former spouse. She’d been a little cold, intimidatingly harsh and very skeptical, even bringing up that perhaps Jim should be dating someone closer to his own age. But Y/n had tried to not let it get to her and had promised Jim that it was completely fine; any logical parent would be a little unnerved by the new person in their child’s life, it was only natural. 

The car ride, which had been three hours long on a warm Saturday morning, had been far more pleasant that Y/n had expected it to be. Ben had been as friendly as usual, eager to tell her about how he was the star of his school’s soccer team and Alannah had finally started warming up. Like, really warming up. She’d shown her pictures of dresses that she liked for the coming winter dance and when they’d made a pit stop for gas- and Jim was safely out of earshot- she’d told her about the guy she was hoping would ask her out. 

They’d gotten to Derry late Saturday afternoon, and much too worn from the drive, and having acquired a headache, probably from the heat and being cooped up in the car, Y/n had suggested that they just have a quiet evening; an early dinner at the bed and breakfast they were staying at  and then a movie in her and Jim’s room before bed. 

On Sunday though, they’d had breakfast, gone shopping  in the small town and then, when the humidity of Ireland’s autumn had started waning, they’d gone back to the bed and breakfast, freshened up and gotten into warmer clothes before heading to the festival, which really came alive after sundown. There, they’d gone their separate ways; Ben and Alannah heading over to the haunted house while she and Jim had been more inclined to browsing the carnival booths. They’d been walking in silence for a while, with Jim’s arm slung around her shoulders, keeping her close, while Y/n was loosely hugging his mid, the combination of his natural warmth and the soft fabric of his gray sweater making her feel comfortable and cozy. 

“Next year, we should stay for the parade,” Jim noted casually, “I’ve heard its amazing.”

“Yeah?” Y/n glanced up at him, fighting a grin. She’d started becoming more acquainted with the idea of planning a future together, she still hadn’t figured out where she’d be in a year, but she did know that wherever she was, she and Jim would still be together- romantically speaking. “Alannah’s probably gonna be away for college and Ben’s still gonna be in school,” she teased. 

“Yeah,” Jim shrugged as they passed a confectionery vendor, the aroma of fried, sugary treats catching her off guard and just for a moment, overwhelming Y/n’s senses. “We could always come alone, just the two of us,” he suggested, leaning down to grab her lips in a quick, ardent peck. 

“Oh,” Y/n teased, bright glimmer in her eyes, “You want me alone, Mr. Gallagher?”

Laughing softly, he pressed his lips to hers once more, “Always, Ms. Y/l/n,” they stopped for a moment, engaging in a longer, more impassioned lip-lock, Jim’s hand slid to the center of Y/n’s back, the heat radiating off his large palm permeating her black cardigan while the other found her hip, “Couldn’t think of a better person to be alone with,” he quipped against her lips. 

She smiled against his mouth, “Neither could I.” 

When someone bumped into them, they reluctantly pulled apart, starting to stroll again, passing a couple street performers dressed up like characters from Irish folklore, as well as other mainstream Halloween personalities. They were just passing another food booth, that one serving caramel popcorn, and after Y/n had mentioned that they should get some to share, Jim went over the the vendor, leaving her at a nearby stall that sold handmade costume masks. 

She was just about to ask the attendant about an intricately designed one with black and gold against a white back when off to her left, she caught wind of children giggling loudly. Upon turning to regard them, Y/n smiled; there were two of them, both toddlers, one dressed up like a honey bee and the other like a sunflower and they were running around each other in clumsy circles. They’re cute, was her first thought, and mesmerized by their glee, she stood there smiling. 

“Hey,” Jim touched her back, falling into step with her, now holding a cylindrical, cardboard cup filled to the brim with freshly made caramel popcorn. 

“Hi,” Y/n sighed with a smile, “Aren’t they adorable?” She nodded towards the children, 

“Er, yeah, yeah. They are,” he agreed, “I remember when Ben and Alannah were their age,” he grinned warmly, “They were so small, but so fast,” he chuckled. 

“Oh,” Y/n cooed, eyes going googly, “I’m sure they were adorable,” she added as they slowly started walking again, and as they passed the children, their parents tried to wrangle them out of the walkway. “You think you’d ever do it again?” She probed casually, offering the kids one last glance as she and Jim continued forward. 

“Run after toddlers?” He jerked his head back a bit, tossing a grain of popcorn into his mouth, “God no, at least, not my own toddler” he scoffed, still grinning faintly, “I’m forty five, definitely too old to be raising babies,” as he spoke, he brought piece of their snack to her mouth, and she took it from his fingers without hesitation, “They’re cute but I’m done with all that.”

She didn't know why, Y/n had never been too adamant on having children herself, she used to think she’d be fine either way,  but something about hearing Jim say that he was done with having children was unsettling. It kind of felt like he was taking the decision away from her; if they stayed together, it wouldn’t be ‘maybe’ it would be ‘definitely not’ and she suddenly wasn’t sure if she was okay with that. Something in her chest dropped and her stomach turned at such a definite declaration, but she didn’t want to ruin their night by pressing the matter, “Right,” she said softly, quiet discomfort etched in her tone as she tried to shake off his remarks. 

Jim didn’t seem to notice her unease though and when a carnival came into view, his face lit up, “Come on,” his hand gliding off the center of her back and as he locked her fingers with his, he led her towards the game, where the aim was apparently to hit the target three times with a water gun, “I’m gonna win you something.” 

Laughing stiffly, still trying to discard his earlier comments, Y/n followed Jim towards the thoughts, but she couldn’t help but let her mind wander; could she really do it, live without ever having children? Would she regret it one day? 

Torn, she stood at his side, holding onto the popcorn, eating it slowly as she watched Jim make a perfect score. When the attendant handed him a huge stuffed unicorn, Jim grinned proudly, “For you, mi lady,” he teased, showing it off, and Y/n dusted one of her hands off so she could touch the soft fluff of the toy’s colorful mane.  

“Thank you,” she giggled genuinely despite herself, feeling the weight of his words finally start sliding off her shoulders- it wasn’t something that she was immediately concerned with  anyway. “I think he gets to sleep on the bed tonight, he’s very cuddly.”

Jim knitted his brows, propping the giant unicorn on his shoulder as they started walking again, “And where do I sleep?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, feigning indifference, “The couch seems pretty comfortable.”

Suppressing his amusement, Jim shook his head, “I hate this thing already,” he grumbled.

“But you love me,” she stood on her toes, pecking his cheek. 

“But I love you,” he admitted. 

“Great, so he sleeps on the bed,” Y/n determined firmly. 

“Oh, definitely not,” Jim returned, pressing his face against her cheek, earning himself an episode of loud laughter as he pressed quick kisses there, and just like that, it wasn’t like she’d never even been upset. 

******

Tagging- @pearlstiare

[daenqyu]

promise me | bakugou katsuki

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @birds-have-teeth )

pairing: bakugou x fem!reader

genre: angsty fluff

summary: you’re used to dealing with your problems all on your own, but sometimes the weight becomes too heavy. and just when you feel like you’re about to fall, bakugou is always there to steady you back on your feet.

warnings: suicidal thoughts, descriptions of a panic attack, dark thoughts in general

word count: 3.2k

a/n: at first i wasn’t gonna post this because it was more of a comfort fic for me since i’ve been struggling a lot recently and bakugou is my comfort character, but i thought this could make other people feel better too so yeah :)

small disclaimer: this is completely based on my OWN, PERSONAL experience !!!!! if you ever experience suicidal thoughts, please seek help; you’re not alone. and you’re loved. you’re worth it.

IT was too much. you couldn’t handle it. you thought you could and that’s why you decided to not tell anyone, especially not bakugou. he knew about your struggles and burdens; at some point in your relationship you decided you felt comfortable enough to share that part of yourself with him and even tho he couldn’t really understand all of your emotions, he was still very supportive. but of course that didn’t mean you told him everything. sure, you trusted him with your life and you knew he would never judge you, but that wasn’t enough to make the voices in your head go away.

for a while everything seemed to be fine, you had managed to keep yourself distracted enough to not have to be alone with your thoughts. whether it was hanging out with friends, going on dates with bakugou, or watching tv shows, you were always busy with something. but there’s only so much one can do to stop themselves from thinking, or in your case, overthinking.

the nights were the worst. normally you’d watch random videos until your eyes started hurting from the brightness of you phone and then go to bed, but there were times when even that wasn’t enough. when not even heavy metal songs could be as loud as your dark thoughts, and they only seemed to intensify the more you tried to push them away. you tossed and turned on bed in hopes of eventually tiring yourself out, yet you ended up sitting on the mattress with hot tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried your best to catch your breathing.

all the emotions you suppressed for months now suddenly came crashing down on you, forcing you to face your inner demons and making you realize just how not okay you were. you couldn’t quite pinpoint what was bothering you so much; it was everything, yet nothing at the same time. it was about you, but also everyone else in your life. it was about not knowing who you were, about losing yourself and not really knowing what you were doing with your life. it was about thinking you were a failure, yet better than most people. it was confusing. and it was eating you alive.

your hands tugged at your hair so tight a part of you was afraid you were gonna rip it off and your chin rested on your knees as you brought them up to your chest in a feeble attempt to hug yourself.

this always happens. stop making such a big deal about it. why are you even crying? you’re so ungrateful. such an attention seeker. completely pathetic. why is bakugou even dating you? he might as well leave you for someone better. prettier. smarter.

loud sobs left your mouth as your thoughts mentally destroyed you, your insecurities getting the best of you. but it was more than that. this wasn’t just about not feeling good enough or thinking you didn’t deserve your boyfriend. it was about thinking you would be better off. after all you were just a bother, right? you would be doing everyone a favor if you just fucking did it, but you couldn’t. you wouldn’t. because you were scared. because you were a coward.

at some point it became too much, you could barely even breathe and your chest was hurting, or maybe it was your heart, along with your head, which’s pounding had become almost unbearable. your eyes burned from all the crying and you could feel the puffiness beginning to form around them. with trembling hands and blurry vision, you took your phone in your hands and dialed the only person you knew was capable of helping you in a situation like this.

the blonde haired boy groaned when he heard his phone ringing from the nightstand next to his bed. he rubbed his eyes before mentally insulting whoever was calling him so fucking late at night, but just as he was about to start screaming onto the phone’s speaker, he saw your name flash across the screen and his whole expression changed in less that a second. because you were his exception to everything. 

“y/n? do you know what fucking time it is? this better be-” he didn’t get to finish his sentence when a sob coming from your end interrupted him. suddenly he was up and about, his eyes widening as he sat on his bed, all the sleepiness he felt moments ago disappearing at the heartbreaking sound. “are you- are you crying?”

“k-katsuki,” he cringed, hating the way your voice sounded so broken and not like your usual self. and while he didn’t know what was going on exactly, he had a pretty good idea.

“i’m here,” he tried to assure you, but he hated how your sobs only got louder after that. “what happened? are you okay?”

“no. it’s bad,” you couldn’t bring yourself to lie to him, not when you needed him the most. “i’m s-sorry for calling you so late, i-”

“you don’t have to apologize. i wasn’t that tired anyways,” he bit his lower lip, debating on what he should do next. “do you want me to come over?”

“yes,” you didn’t even hesitate; it almost sounded like you were begging and bakugou could feel his breath hitching in his throat for a moment. “please, i need you.” that was all he needed to hear before he hung up, throwing the phone on his desk as he hurriedly put on whatever shirt he had laying around, not bothering to put shoes on. he didn’t have time to think about some stupid footwear. he stumbled while running towards your dorm room, not giving a fuck about how loud his steps were or if he could wake up his classmates.

much to his luck, your room wasn’t that far away from his so he got there in less than two minutes. he could feel his heart hammering against his chest as his hand gripped the door’s knob, but he didn’t waste any time before turning it around and letting himself inside. the sight before his eyes made something inside bakugou break. you were sitting down on the floor with your knees up to your chest, hands clutching your head tightly as choked sobs kept leaving your mouth. and he hated it. he hated it because he knew exactly how you felt; the same way he felt every night when he was alone in the confines of his room and his thoughts were the only thing keeping him company.

you hadn’t noticed him, too focused on trying not to pass out, so he made his way over to you slowly in order to not startle you. he kneeled down in front of you, quickly recalling the website he had read a few days ago that talked about what to do when a person was having a panic attack. his hand gently touched your shoulder, careful not to scare you, and while you still flinched at the sudden touch, your expression somewhat softened after seeing it was none other than your boyfriend.

“hey beautiful,” he smiled softly at you, or at least tried his best since all he wanted to do was scream and fight someone. because you didn’t deserve this. someone as kind as you didn’t deserve to go through all this shit. “can you hear me?” you nodded, tears still running down your cheeks and your whole body trembling. “good, now let’s take a few deep breaths,” he inhaled deeply before exhaling, wanting you to repeat his actions and you tried. your hands stopped gripping your scalp, instead opting for bakugou’s arms, which were at each side of you as they held onto your shoulders. “you’re doing great, just focus on me okay? only me.” you nodded once again, still trying to ease your breathing pattern as you stared into his beautiful vermilion eyes, the ones that always managed to intimidate you (in a good way of course).

after a few more minutes of breathing exercises, you managed to stop the pants that came out of your mouth, but tears still ran down your cheeks as the thoughts never ceased, perhaps getting louder and louder with every passing second. you wanted nothing more than to close your eyes and curl yourself into a ball, but you knew that wasn’t gonna solve anything. so you kept holding on to your boyfriend’s arms, as if he was the only thing holding you down to earth.

this better fucking work, bakugou thought to himself before he spoke up again, “y/n, can you tell me five things you can see?”

“you,” talking was still hard, yet you forced yourself to look around the room and answer his question correctly. “my p-phone, the desk, d-dirty laundry, and,” all this thinking made the pounding in your head worse, but at least you weren’t focusing on the voices. “my stuffed t-teddy bear.”

“hm, four things you can touch?” one of his hands tenderly gripped your shoulder, his eyes never leaving yours.

“y-you, your shirt, the c-carpet, and m-my pj’s.” the dizziness in your head started to come to a halt and you sniffled, thankful that bakugou was able to make things better. like always.

“that’s it, you’re doing so well. now three things you can hear?” his head turned around to leave an innocent kiss on the skin of your forearm, his gaze still focused on your face.

“your voice, t-the rain, and the air conditioner.” the feeling of bakugou’s lips made you come back to your senses slowly but surely. now your hands were the only thing trembling, not your whole body.

“you’re almost there baby, two things you can smell?”

“my diffuser and your perfume,” a small smile made its way to your lips as you breathed in his scent, letting out a pleasant sigh as the smell filled your nostrils. “caramel.”

bakugou scoffed, a soft blush splashed across his cheeks as he looked away from you for a moment.

“one thing you can taste?”

you took in a deep breath, not really knowing what to answer until you licked your lips and tasted the familiar sweetness of your chapstick, “cherry.” your grip on bakugou’s arm loosened, but still lingered there. he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in, feeling a big weight off his shoulders knowing you could breathe properly again, but he was still bothered by the situation.

“dumbass, don’t ever scare me like that again.” his words were rather rough yet you knew he meant no harm, you knew he was genuinely scared for your well being and that was just his way of voicing out his concern.

“i’m sorry.”

“what did i tell you about apologizing all the damn time?” he groaned, letting his arms fall to his sides as your hands came up to wipe your remaining tears away. you sent him an apologetic smile before sighing, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to wrap your head around everything that happened.

meanwhile, bakugou stared intently at you, wondering whether or nor he should ask what caused the sudden outburst. he didn’t want to make you feel worse, but if he knew you like he thought he did (which he does), you’d probably end up bottling everything inside until you had another breakdown. and he’ll be damned if he ever let’s that happen again.

silently, he crawled towards you. and once he was close enough, he positioned himself behind you so you could sit on his lap and you happily complied. you cuddled your face against his warm chest, enjoying the comfort it provided, and bakugou placed his chin on top of your head, keeping you close to him. you stayed like that for a few minutes, just basking in each other’s presence, but in reality bakugou was just giving you some more time to calm down before pestering you with questions that could possibly overwhelm you.

“you want to talk about it?” he was still keeping his tone low and gentle; anyone who heard him would’ve been extremely confused by his sudden change in demeanor. because he could be a lot of things, but gentle was not one of them. then again, you were his exception. you were different.

“i...don’t know,” your hands played with the hem of his black tank top, eyebrows furrowed together as you tried to find the right words to describe your internal turmoil. “it’s just...everything piling up and never knowing what to do,” bakugou leaned down to place a kiss on your temple, quietly letting you know that he wasn’t going anywhere, and somehow, that made you want to cry all over again. “you know when you get really tired of yourself and your life?” he hesitantly nodded, not knowing where you were going with this. “well i feel like that everyday. a-and sometimes i think it would all be better if i disappeared.”

it took him approximately 5 seconds to get what you exactly meant by disappearing, but when he did boy was he mad. his eyebrows furrowed and his grip on you tightened, an annoyed, yet concerned expression evident on his face. how could you say that? you were his everything, the only one who could calm him down, the one who made him smile by just breathing; his light. he wouldn’t know what to do without you, hell he didn’t even want to imagine it.

“you’re such an idiot,” a smile tugged your lips at his harsh choice of words, the complete opposite of the hold he had on you. “you listen to me because you know how much i hate repeating myself,” one of his hands grabbed your chin softly, yet firmly as he tilted your head to make you look at him directly. “feeling like this is not your fault. i know that it’s easier to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life, trust me, i know. but there are things in life that we just can’t control and most definitely aren’t responsible for.”

you scoffed, “well you’re one to talk.”

“tch, such a smartass, aren’t you?” bakugou rolled his eyes at your remark. “that’s exactly why i’m telling you all this, dumbass. because i don’t want you to go through what i did, especially when you have me by your side to help you.” your eyes widened at his sweet confession, gaze softening at the boy in front of you. he avoided it, looking to the side with rosy cheeks.

“katsuki…” you lowered your voice, lifting your hand to place it on bakugou’s cheek and your heart jumped when he looked at you. his eyes reflected nothing but pure love and adoration, and you were sure yours were the exact same. without saying another word, you kissed him softly, fingers caressing his soft skin. the kiss was short and innocent, but it made bakugou smile ever so slightly.

“let me finish,” he said once you pulled away and the determination in his voice made you nod, knowing he needed to say whatever was on his mind. “i know there’s nothing i can do to make your pain disappear or for you to change your mindset because that’s not how it works. but i am and will always be here for you. i don’t give a shit if you think you’re gonna bother me or if it’s late or if you think it’s something stupid, you just tell me. and if the thoughts continue then maybe we can even get a professional to help you, but please don’t give up on me.” the crack in his voice at the end of his sentence made your heart stutter.

both of your hands cradled bakugou’s face, your eyes desperately looking for his once again. when he finally looked at you, you saw the tears threatening to fall from his eyes and how hard he was trying to hold himself back from breaking down. he needed to be strong. he couldn’t be weak in front of you. you were the one who needed to be comforted, not him. so with those thoughts in mind, bakugou sniffled and roughly wiped the unshed tears away. but you didn’t move from your place.

“so promise me,” he pulled you impossibly close, your faces barely inches apart. “promise me you won’t give up, that you’ll fight and be stronger than your demons because you fucking are. you’re so much stronger than you think, shit you’re probably stronger than me!” your eyes widened, surprised he even said something like that, but knowing he 100% meant it. because bakugou didn’t lie. “promise me.”

you nodded multiple times, taking out your pinky to show him you were serious about this. and while bakugou thought you couldn’t be any more childish, he still grinned and interlaced his own pinky with yours, “i promise.”

“good, now let’s sleep because i’m tired as fuck.” you rolled your eyes at the sudden change in attitude.

“knew it was too good to be true.” he raised an eyebrow at your comment, standing up to lay down on your bed, the soft sheets welcoming him with your scent. 

“the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“nothing, let’s just sleep.” you sent him a smile before laying down next to him, his arms quickly wrapping themselves around your waist to pull you even closer.

you turned around in his hold to properly look at him. his head rested comfortably against the pillow, his hair messy and sticking up in all different directions, while his eyes lazily looked over at you. he looked angelic, ethereal even. without thinking it twice, you ran one of your hands through his hair, giggling when he let out a happy hum and gripped your hips, as if telling you to keep going. he looked so pretty, lips slightly pouty as he forced himself to stay awake for a little longer. at least until you fell asleep. 

“wanna know something really cheesy?” he sounded tired and you felt bad for keeping him awake so late when he probably had a long day. nevertheless, you hummed and continued to comb your fingers through his hair. “you’re fucking amazing. absolutely mesmerizing,” bakugou opened his eyes to look at you better, a small smile tugging his lips upwards as he saw your flushed expression, trying to look away from him, but he didn’t let you. “i love you, y/n.”

he’s said it before, and you should be used to it by now, but it never fails to make you heat up and feel all fuzzy inside. bakugou looks so serious, because he wants you to know he truly means it, yet so soft at the same time and you know this isn’t easy for him. he doesn’t like showing his vulnerable side to people, thinking it makes him weak, so to have him open up to you and declare his love for you so openly makes you feel special. because you’re the only one who knows this side of him. 

“i love you more, katsuki.” another genuine smile grazes bakugou’s lips after hearing you call him by his first name, your voice sweet like honey.

he presses a kiss on your forehead as he lets you snuggle up against him, “go to sleep, i’ll be here when you wake up.” 

that night, you slept peacefully, knowing you’re safe in bakugou’s arms. you don’t know what tomorrow or any other day holds for you, but if you have him by your side, you know you can overcome anything. 

[jolynej]

I’m Not in Love

Summary: You and Prosciutto, both determined to keep things casual, are sent out on a mission to eliminate a target, but something goes wrong and you end up hurt, forcing Prosciutto to come to terms with his feelings

A/N: I started this weeks ago, but have been so busy that I haven’t had time to properly finish it until now! I’m a very slow writer, and I struggle with creating longer fics that exceed 1k words, so this was a huge labor of love! I hope that y’all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Warnings: heavily implied nsft, violence, guns, minor character death, blood, Prosciutto being a bit of an asshole, fainting

You both told each other when you made this arrangement that it was strictly physical and that you were only doing this out of convenience and carnal desire. Sure, he’s very attractive, and you’d be lying if you hadn’t thought about lingering in bed and pretending that you’re still asleep if only to savor his body heat and the weight of his arm across your torso for a few more minutes. But you couldn’t possibly cross that line.

The lives that both you led didn’t allow for the luxury of developing and maintaining romantic — or any, really — relationships that were outside of your work. You’d lost friends and family members to the steady passage of time and lack of communication. It came with the territory of the job, and though you’d tried to justify your drifting relationships by assuring yourself that it was done to protect those you used to hold close, you knew that was just an excuse you told yourself so that you could sleep at night.

The initial adjustment to your new job was tough in that aspect, but Prosciutto, aside from being your mentor, slowly became a comfort and a confidant for your bouts of anxiety and late night regrets of leaving your old life behind. You’d joined him outside at night on the balcony of the hideout plenty of times. He would self-soothe with cigarettes, exhaling out his demons in the shape of a puff of smoke whilst he listened to you reminisce on your happier, less bloody days.

“It’s a damn shame you’re so good at you job,” he’d told you one particular night, when the orange and white city lights below cast a bright glow over his sharp features; yet simultaneously, it accentuated the dark circles under his eyes, and the shadows beneath those jagged angles of his cheekbones and jawline made him look far older than he was. Prosciutto looked beautiful as he did horrible.

You just shook your head and smirked, inquiring, “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Kid, there were many different paths that you could’ve picked from,” He stops briefly to take a drag of his cigarette. “But this is what you opted for.” The blond flicked his cigarette and snuffed it with the toe of his oxfords, answering with, “All I’m saying is that you had your whole life ahead of you, and instead of getting a normal, decent job, you decided that this was worth the Louboutins and those diamond earrings of yours.”

“It’s good that it ended up working out for you.”

His compliments were usually pretty backhanded, but you could tell that this wasn’t just because of his usual condescending behavior. He seemed almost... sad and guilty, but then again, it could just be from the shadows on his face exaggerating his features.

“I’m glad you’re damn good at your job, too,” you remarked, leaning against the railing, savoring in the feeling of the warm, summer night wind caressing your face.

Soon, you found the touch against your cheeks was replaced by his calloused fingers and then his lips, giving birth to a routine that would continue every-so-often: you’d join him outside at night and would wake up in bed next to him in a tangle of limbs and satin sheets.

Maybe it was only natural that you and him would end up growing closer and more intimate.

—

This little arrangement between the two of you continues, and with each time you bare yourself to him, you struggle with your developing feelings. After you had slept together that first night — before you had a real chance to give yourself a proper chance to evaluate your own feelings — he assured you that the prior night’s events had meant nothing to him, that it was a mistake. He apologized, confessing that the rendezvous had stemmed from a place of pent up arousal and convenience and that it wouldn’t happen again.

That’s what he’d said the second, and third, time too. But by the fourth time, you’d both decided to become ‘coworkers with benefits’ as you’d so eloquently put it. It’s purely out of physical need and mutual trust and nothing else. There’s no time for romance.

—

The following spring, you were sent out together to a job on the coast, and were given a shared room at a hotel near the warehouse where your target was supposedly going to be tonight. The assignment had worked in your favor, you’d both arrive mid-morning, have time to scout out the location, go back to the room for a quick fuck, then proceed to the location, clean up, and spend the night between the sheets until you both passed out from sheer exhaustion.

“The target should be on location this evening,” he informs you casually as he’s sliding on his trousers, as if he hadn’t just fucked you into the mattress. He gives his watch a quick glance before speaking again. “Which gives us approximately an hour before we need to head out.”

You nod, reaching for your clothes — his hand stops you, grasping your wrist. “Let me clean you up first,” he says, briefly locking eyes with you, before averting his gaze just as quickly. “If you’re going out you should at least be comfortable.”

While Prosciutto walks off to the bathroom to retrieve a glass of water and a washcloth, you look down at your naked body. Your combined releases dribble down your thighs, and you’re suddenly hyperaware of the sticky, wet sensation on your lower body.

He’s back approximately a minute later, the glass is set upon the nightstand, and he’s kneeling, still shirtless, at your feet with the wet washcloth in hand. He cleans you up in relative silence, and the intimacy and vulnerability in this situation is not lost on either of you. It hangs around like a heavy fog that both of you desperately try to ignore, hoping that it’ll dissipate.

Under different circumstances, you’d love to be able to cradle his chin in your hand and confess every single romantic thought that you’d ever held for him, and in turn, he’d press tender kisses up your thighs, and trade the rag for his tongue, cleaning you up with a few slow licks. Instead, you give him a curt, ‘thank you’ and get dressed.

Your little trysts were littered with subtle, more domestic moments like this one where you wanted to push the boundary between what is and isn’t appropriate when you’re in a friends-with-benefits situation with your coworker. Even without the romance that you so desperately craved, there was still a strong sense of intimacy and familiarity with each ‘Was I too rough?’ or ‘You can sleep in here tonight’ that could only stem from a certain level of trust and comfort.

The rest of the time leading up to your assignment was spent going over your plan of attack and working out any loose ends or confusion on either side, and as he spoke, you couldn’t help but allow your eyes to travel down to his plush lips and the exposed patch of skin from his half-buttoned blouse that, when he shifted at a certain angle, allowed for you to catch a glimpse of a dark red bruise where your lips had been.

You were passing the threshold, the imaginary line. You’d stepped on it, gotten it stuck to your feet, and try as you may to deny its presence and scrub it clean from your skin — you could scrub it raw, until you bled — it wasn’t something you could erase.

As he’s stepping out of the hotel room, you glance back to ask him if he’s ready, but you’re caught off guard by the buttons of his shirt. They’re all closed completely save for a lone button rendering the bruise no longer visible. Inquisitively, the blond quirks up an eyebrow, silently asking if there’s a problem.

“I’m just ready to get this over with,” you sigh, matching your stride with his as you both exit the hotel and journey to the warehouse.

The target doesn’t show as planned, much to your and Prosciutto's dismay and annoyance. You had both searched the large building and its surroundings as thoroughly as possible but still the target hasn’t made an appearance. There aren’t even any hidden clues as to where he’s run off to. As pissed as you both felt in that moment — you were cursing to yourself and your partner was leaning against a metal structure with a cigarette in the corner of his mouth — Risotto was going to be absolutely furious.

Unlike most contracts where you were paid after the deed or half before and half after, the client had paid a hefty sum up front and with a dark leer he was insistent that the job be completed as soon as possible. Something deep within you knew that he would not be the type of man whose bad side you’d like to be on.

Defeated and angry, you both decided to bite the bullet and head back to the hotel to inform your superior of the unfortunate situation. Just outside of the hotel, Prosciutto glances over at a payphone on the street corner.

“Go on inside and shower and eat, kid, I’ll talk to Risotto.”

“Are you sure? We can speak to him together, or I can just sp—“ He cut you off with a hand patting your cheek, gently thumbing your skin. He was stressed and so were you.

“Don’t make me change my mind,” he manages a tiny half-smile. “I’ve got it.”

Yeah, you are stressed as all hell, but at least you didn’t have to be at the receiving end of Risotto’s wrath — for tonight anyway. Thinking about Prosciutto opting to do so in your stead and acting out of concern for you sends a cacophony of butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. He has always looked out for you ever since you’d joined, but this was something more than just him looking out for a junior member of his team. There was no way that he’d touch Formaggio or even Pesci like that, with such a pure tenderness that leaves your skin tingling from where his fingers were.

Making your way up the stairs to your shared room, the sensation of butterflies immediately flees from your stomach and instead, an eerie, insidious feeling begins to tiptoe up your spine, and you get the sense that something is very, very wrong.

One of the hall lights has gone out, and the other is flickering in random spasms as it emits a faint buzz. With each step towards your door, the broken light fixture seems to dim and buzz louder until it makes one final loud screech and dies completely the moment that you touch the door handle, and as soon as your fingers gripped the metal handle, an overpowering jolt of electricity fizzles throughout your entire body, sending you doubling over in pain, desperately croaking out for your stand as you fall to the dingy carpet.

The world around you seemed to morph into blackness and little snippets of sounds — you weren’t sure if you were still awake or if you’d lost consciousness — but you clung onto what you could decipher to the best of your ability. Static, the plodding footfall of someone running on carpet with urgency, the unmistakable click of a gun, a heavy thud, then silence.

You crane your head and espy a familiar pair of oxfords, and with a sigh of relief you feel your eyes grow heavy.

—

You come-to in the backseat of a car, and if it weren’t for the intensity of the events before you passed out, you would’ve happily shut your eyes to the steady thrum of the car speeding down the road. A bubble of panic rises up your throat, throwing your senses in overdrive as you carefully assess your surroundings. You find that a suit jacket has been draped over you like a makeshift blanket, and the familiar scent of cologne, tobacco, and cigarette-smoke is an instant relief.

Looking up, you find Prosciutto is in the driver’s seat of the car with a plain, white tank top in the place of his button-up. The bones of his knuckles are prominent due to the strain and force of his grip on the steering wheel, and they’re dotted with specks of red that extend up to his forearms.

There’s an evident scowl on his lips, which are scabbed and bloody from worrying teeth marks and not from — what you can safely assume given the sound you’d heard earlier — a gunshot to the man that had been in your hotel room.

“The target was dealt with,” he says upon seeing you awake, and he disguises it with a cough, but his entire face softens with a relieved sigh. The visible tension in his bulging veins on his forearms eases along with the death-grip that he has on the steering wheel; Prosciutto settles one hand on his thigh, splaying his fingers out on the fabric of his trousers, feeling for something in his pocket — cigarettes most likely. He’s still antsy and tense, alternating between his hands on the wheel to search his other pocket.

You have a myriad of questions wreaking havoc on your brain, which is still a bit fuzzy from the electricity and has brought on a dull headache. With the blazer clenched tightly to your chest, you fiddle around until you find a pack of his smokes and pull them out, holding them in the air with a dopey, lopsided grin that says ‘lookee here!’. It earns a playful eye roll and a smirk from Prosciutto who brings his hand back to take them from you.

When you offer the box up, your fingers brush, and you swear that he leaves his hand extended towards you a moment longer than necessary. The sensation sends a full-body chill through your veins.

“Put the coat on, kid, I don’t want you freezing up and getting sick in the car.” He’s staring straight out at the road, but you know the sentiment is there, beneath the layer of sweat and blood there’s worry. “Go back to sleep,” he orders in that gravelly, stern but caring tone of his that he uses on you when he gives you orders, and only you. In a way, it’s not that much different from how he talks in bed, and the familiarity has you warm all over. God, you’re in love with this man.

“I’ll wake you up in about an or two, capisce?”

—

You’re awoken by Prosciutto opening the door of the backseat and calling your name. You can barely see him, he’s almost a dark, looming figure in the night. The sky in the countryside is worlds away from the city skyline that you’re accustomed to. Behind him, there’s a sea of twinkling stars, and the bright crescent moon hangs proudly behind his head like a half-halo, and he appears to you like a fallen angel, still clinging on desperately to something good and holy that someone like him does not deserve. In his right hand, he holds a shovel, and his arms and face and tank top are caked in the weight of his sins, blood and dirt and sweat; you surmise that the closer you get to him, the less the moon resembles a halo and moreso a pair of horns. Again, the night is playing tricks on you.

“I’ve buried the remains,” he explains. “I decided it would be easiest to just take care of it myself until we can get you checked out. We don’t know the full extent of the damage that you’ve received or what effects that my stand could have on you in this state.” It’s a poor excuse, and you both know it, but it’s easier for him to lie to you when his facial expressions are harder to see.

Still, you don’t know if it’s from the adrenaline in your blood, your feelings for him, or some leftover electricity that’s done something to your brain, but you decide to call him out.

Sitting upright, you say, “I still could’ve helped, Prosci, otherwise there would be no point for me to come on this mission with you. You’ve done more than enough to help me, and I… I really appreciate everything that you’ve done to help me, but I have to work to earn my share of the payment!

“I can’t just lie back and let you treat me like some doll or damsel in distress!” You spout, wadding up his blazer and tossing it at him. He catches it with a growl, and the shovel clatters to the ground with a resounding clang.

He’s crawling across the backseat, hovering over you like a mangy beast; truthfully, you don’t think that you’ve ever seen him look so unhinged and disheveled. His scent bears no resemblance to the comforting aroma of his suit-jacket, and instead, he emits a pungent odor of grime and sweat, evident by the damp, dirty stray pieces of hair that encircle his face and the thin layer of earth that stains his skin with splotches of gray and brown. He looks like he can hurt you, and for a second you make the mistake of thinking that he will.

“Kid, you need to listen to me! I—“ he huffs, but upon seeing your face up close, all scared and doe-like, he kisses you. It’s emotional and hurried and needy and far unlike any previous kiss that you’d shared. It’s not spurred on by wanting or lust but by love and a great fear of loss.

“I love you,” he whispers like a gasp when he pulls apart from you. “I love you,” he says once more, softer, sweeter. “I love you.”

In his eyes, you can see every word that he leaves unsaid, his confession of how afraid he was that he’d never see you again, how he panicked and saw red and shot the man on sight, how he carried you to the car with a metaphorical knife stabbing at his heart, and how he almost cried from relief when he saw you open your eyes.

“I love you, too,” you say back, smiling, kissing him again with that same passion as before.

[cyngawolf]

The 1st two are my entry for SP Amino’s cooking challenge. 

Version 1- Drawn in my common SP artstyle which is far more accurate to the canon style present within the show. 

Version 2- Drawn in my seldomly used and more complex SP artstyle. It takes far longer to draw, but the end results are well worth it.

--------------------

The next two are an underrated ship that I greatly support. I like Karen x Tricia, but I just find Karen and Dougie to be absolutely ADORABLE together! They are both precious lil beans! I feel like this ship is incredibly rare and quite unpopular. To me it is criminally underrated and deserves more love. I like to imagine their relationship would be like: "What is romance? Oh, yeah, romance is just hugs and holding hands! That's it!" They would be too young and innocent to even know how to kiss (especially Karen). They would just have a chaste and truly child-like romance where hugs are the most they do. They think a date= Play date, they don't know the difference! <3 So pure! ❤ This ship deserves more love.

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The last one is my newest Phoenix Kenny drawing.

[chuckbass-love]

Hey! Chris x reader slow burn? I don’t have a clear idea but.. just slow burn, OMG.

I’ve not done much slow burn. I mean my Andy series was kinda, my Ransom fic was and my new ransom series has been kinda. But yeah i love this. Slow burn is some of my fave stuff to read. 

Reader is going to be a singer/actress in this! 

I hope you love this as i’m feeling very insecure about it. Let me know, feedback is always welcome.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Slow burn, fluff and smut...MAYBE 😉

Word Count: 5,694

Summary: You and Chris are about to become co-stars in a new movie. You meet him when you attend the Oscars and from the second your eyes meet, a crush develops on both parts. But it’s not as easy to admit your feelings. 

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @itsagentromanoff go check them out ❤️

Worth The Wait

As an actor, Chris Evans is used to women fawning over him and pretty much throwing themselves his way. He’s got the ladies right where he wants them. He’s no heartbreaker, not intentionally anyway but he has been around the block a couple times.

When it comes to you on the other hand, your the polar opposite. You’ve only had one serious relationship. Sure guys ask you out or slide into your DM’s but you pay them no mind. You prefer to focus on your career. 

You’re currently on track to release some new music. You’re also preparing to start shooting scenes for a new movie in the next couple of months. A romance movie. As soon as you got the part you found out about who would be your love interest. It’s Chris Evans.

As an actress and a woman in the industry, you obviously know who he is, you don’t live under a rock. He’s been in lots of movies that you’ve seen. He’s also very handsome, you can’t deny that. But you won’t be the one to fall at his feet. That isn’t your style. You prefer the subtle approach.

Tonight is the first time that you’re attending the Oscars and to say that you’re nervous would be the understatement of the century. It’s a day in the hairdressers chair with a makeup artist in the afternoon and a nail tech too. Your dress is at your house, hung up on the rack ready to put on last minute.

“So what are we going for today?” your hairdresser asks, you show her some images and she gets to work on what you requested. It has to be perfect. You have to make a good impression.

-----------------

4:30pm

Makeup done, nails done, hair done. Time for the finishing touch, your dress.

Your car pulls up to your house, ready to take you there, the nerves are flooding your body but you have your best guy friend with you, Jason. He’s your date tonight.

“Calm yourself, you’ll be fine” he’s always reassuring you whenever your anxiety hits full force.

“I just don’t know what to expect” he rests his hands over yours before handing you a glass of champagne. 

“Get this down you, it’ll help” you can’t help but giggle, taking the glass and drinking all of the contents in it. 

Whether you’re ready or not for the red carpet, you’re here. No turning back.

As you step out, your friend helps you. You’re wearing a full length red dress with black heels. You’re bombarded with flashes and shouting. Photographers calling for you to look their way. 

You walk onto the carpet, posing with your friend when you stop for the cameras. He wraps his arm around you and you smile as he whispers in your ear about all the camera men getting excited thinking that you two are a couple. He already knows the questions that you’re going to be asked. 

‘Is he your boyfriend?’

‘How long have you been together?’

You have the perfect response ready if that happens. He steps out of your way briefly so you can get some solo pics taken, this isn’t actually that bad. Posing for the cameras that is. It’s quite annoying with everyone shouting at you to look at them but aside from that, you’re enjoying it.

As you walk further up the carpet you hear everyone screaming “CHRIS OVER HERE” 

It’s Chris Evans. The leading man for your new movie. He looks good. More than good. He’s hot. But you won’t let that show. 

Chris pulls Scott back to him when they finish taking solo pictures. Ready to take more with them two together. Scott starts laughing at something the photographers say before noticing Chris not paying attention.

“Earth to Chris” he snaps his fingers in his face, following his eye line, that’s when he discovers what’s got his brother so distracted, or should he say who.

You’re stood there, laughing your head off with a guy, your smile is the type of smile that has everyone around smiling along with you. 

It’s infectious, just like your laugh. You look absolutely gorgeous. 

He knows exactly who you are, he’s heard your music and the movies you’ve done. He also knows that you’re playing his love interest for his new upcoming movie. Now he’s seen you in person he can tell he’ll have no trouble with intimate scenes. 

He watches you until he feels Scott tugging at his arm and just before he looks away, you look up, your eyes meet. For a split second. 

And in that second, he feels something. A crush developing. It sounds crazy, he doesn’t even know you but he feels some type of way.

Your eyes meet his blue ones, only for a second but it has your heart beating fast. He really is beautiful. You’re looking forward to working with him. 

All of the celebrities make their way into the building ready for the event to start, you’re guided to your table.

You’re sitting with the man himself. It’s like there’s a god up there plotting all of this, forcing you together. You can’t complain though. 

“So, you’re Y/N then?” he pipes up, rubbing his hands together before lifting a glass to his pink lips, they look so soft. You wonder what it would be like to kiss them. But remember, you need to keep it subtle.

“Yeah, i heard i’ll be working with you soon” he nods his head “Indeed, i look forward to it” Scott and your date look back and forth between the two of you, the chemistry is painfully obvious between you and Chris. 

---------------

Since both of your plus ones have left to go to the toilet, he moves over to sit next to you. Not caring about how it looks to everyone around.

“How long have you and Jason been together?” you can’t help but giggle, you knew people would assume things.

“He’s not my boyfriend, he’s my best friend. I’m single by the way if that’s what you were trying to find out” he sighs at his failed attempt.

He can’t believe that you just sassed him. It makes him like you more. He’s intrigued, he wants to find out more. Whether that’s going to be possible in this setting is the one question on his mind. That and the question of asking you for your number before the others come back.

“Listen, i don’t usually do this but since we’re going to be working together anyways. I just wondered if maybe i could get your number. We can try and find time to hang out, get to know each other a bit better before shooting starts” you bite back the smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth, giving him your best poker face.

“I mean, i suppose that could be handy. Sure” your voice normal, your facial expressions are dead serious as you type your number into his iPhone. 

He grins as he moves back to his seat and minutes later Scott and Jason return. They both take their seats and the show resumes. Cameras are rolling so you try your best to look good in case you’re caught in the footage, checking yourself out in your pocket mirror quickly.

This night is going really well so far. 

You like Chris of course you do, he’s handsome, charming and polite. But as much as you’re looking forward to kissing him and getting close you have to admit that he’s not your usual type. You also have your reservations about ever going there with him if he tried it.

You don’t date co stars, not whilst you’re filming with them anyways. It’s unprofessional, a rule you’ve not broken so far but will he make it difficult for you? That’s another thing entirely.

--------------------

It’s a Wednesday afternoon and you’re chilling at home today. Shooting for your movie starts next weekend and you’re taking all the time you can to work on some new music and take some much needed pamper time.

You sit there in your studio, writing lyrics and figuring out a beat when you hear your phone ringing. There’s a huge pile of sheet music in the way, you start moving it to find your phone sat there. Chris’s name on the screen.

“Hello” you greet

“Well hello to you too, someone sounds very happy to hear from me” he chuckles, making your heart flutter. 

“Oh, can’t you tell, i’m jumping up and down from all the excitement” he can’t hold back his laughter, trying to stop it so he can actually speak.

“What are you up to today?”

“Currently, i’m song writing. Yourself?” he hums in response “not a lot, i was wondering if you wanted to try and hang out? Get to know each other, shooting starts next weekend and i barely know who i’m going to be kissing” he’s cheeky and very flirtatious, you gotta give him his props. He knows how to woo the ladies. But you’re not buying any of this. He probably does this with all of this leading ladies.

As much as you want to swoon and give in, you have to stay professional and protect your heart. He’s dangerously handsome, the dream personality that every girl wants a guy to have. He’s perfect but you could get hurt if you step over that line.

You decline his invite, making an excuse about getting this song done. He sounds quite sad as he hears your rejection. 

“Well, i guess i’ll leave you to it then. Maybe we can do it another time” you agree, hanging up the phone.

You feel silly for declining his invite. But you have stuff to do, you also know that if you start hanging out, you’ll catch feelings. 

Little do you know, catching feelings for one Chris Evans is inevitable. It’ll sneak up on you.

-------------

“Chris and Y/N to set please” the director shouts, summoning the two of you. It’s your first scene with him. He spots you and smiles as you get closer.

“Oh if it isn’t miss unavailable” he mocks, you shove him playfully “Or maybe i was just trying to shake you off” he rolls his eyes. You both check over the script before the cameras start rolling.

Your character is sat in a cafe when his character strolls in with his friends. He looks around when his eyes fall on you. You’re sat there reading a book, sipping at your coffee when you hear them all making a bunch of loud noises. 

You look up and your eyes meet and in this moment, it doesn’t even feel like acting. It feels real. 

“You guys go ahead, i’ll catch up” he practically rushes his friends out of the door before sitting across from you.

“Wait, people actually read nowadays?” you scoff at his attempt to be funny, finishing up your drink and packing your stuff away. 

Just like in real life, he can’t catch a break with you. You aren’t giving him the time of day.

“I didn’t mean to offend you” you roll your eyes, turning back to him. 

“If you think some comment about books is going to offend me then let me just say that you’ll have to work a lot harder” you storm out of the building, away from him. 

The director yells cut. You head over to him for some feedback. He seems very happy with how the scene worked out. He gives a couple of tips for the next scene. He wants your character to bump into Chris’s character at work, leading him to mock you and get cocky about you stalking him.

You take a couple of sips from your water bottle before continuing. Shooting the next scenes. He keeps messing up, causing you to be there longer. Shooting the same one over and over. Next take he gets it, you don’t mess up once. You feel quite smug about it. He’s the professional, you’re the amateur and he’s the one messing up his lines. How ironic.

It’s time for a break, you head back to your trailer, sitting down and flicking through your phone. You hear a knock on your door. “Come in” you call out, he enters. 

“Following me around i see” you giggle

“Nice sarcasm. Very funny. Have i done something wrong?” you furrow your brows in confusion. 

“No, why?” maybe your stand offish attitude and poker face expression has clearly been too good.

“You just seem really off with me. Rejecting any invitation i made to hang out last week. Rushing off set when they called for a break. Seems like you don’t want to be around me” you shrug him off.

“There’s no issue, i didn’t mean to give that impression. It might just be my nerves. I’m sorry” you feel awful. You never intended to take your professionalism too far. Clearly you’ve come across as a stuck up bitch. Like you’re too good for him, that’s not the case.

“It’s cool. Look if it helps with the nerves, i was the same when it came to Captain America. I almost turned the role down and missed out on it because of my anxiety. But you just gotta take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re here because you’re talented and clearly the best woman for the role” 

You feel taken back by him. He’s really down to earth. A quality you didn’t expect to be real in him. You’ve seen interviews and heard lovely things about him before but a lot of celebrities have a way of acting one way in public and another behind closed doors.

That very clearly isn’t the case for him. He’s real. Genuine and very soft in person. 

The fact that he took the time to come and see if you were okay and to squash any tensions. He didn’t have to but he did. It’s nice and endearing to see.

“Thank you, honestly i appreciate it. I’m just a bit off my game. I’ve not done much in terms of movie roles and this is only my 3rd role so i’m trying to get better with nerves” he flashes you a reassuring smile before standing up.

“I’m going to get some snacks, you coming?” you throw your phone in your bag and head out with him, accepting his offer this time.

“So what music are you working on?” he asks, shoving some fruit into his mouth.

“Just music, i don’t want to give too much away and risk boring you with the details” he waves it off “you could never be boring” your cheeks heat up but you continue to eat to ignore it.

“Seriously, you can’t just sing me something?” he begs, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. 

“Guess you’ll have to wait for that Evans”

“What’s your deal anyways?” you ask as you finish up with your food and head back to set. 

“What do you mean?” you shrug “your relationship status duh. I mean i think i’ve shared a lot with you today. It’s your turn” he nods “I’m single unfortunately. 39 and still single, quite pathetic i know” you stop walking, turning to him.

“Dude, snap. You’re not pathetic don’t worry. I feel the same occasionally being 28 and still single when all my friends have kids and are married but it happens. Love works in mysterious ways. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to” 

It’s true. As much as you feel lonely, you know things will fall into place soon. So you try not to stress to much.

You get back to set and continue with filming. It’s gonna be a long day.

----------------

You make your way back to the trailer, preparing to get some sleep but you feel your phone buzz when you pull the covers over you. 

‘I can’t sleep, fancy watching a movie?’ 

This screams trouble. You already spent some time with him off set today. 

Fuck it.

‘Sure, come over?’ 

You don’t get a response but a knock at the door distracts you.

“You brought snacks” you chirp, spying the chocolate in his hands. He walks in, kicking his shoes off and making his way to the bedroom area. 

“Someone’s making themselves at home” he grabs the remote, flicking through your Netflix that you set up on the tv. 

“How about a horror” you suggest, he agrees and clicks on IT. 

You both sit there, chatting whilst barely watching it. 

He tells you about his dog Dodger, showing you pictures and videos of his cute pup. 

“I just want to cuddle him, he’s the cutest” you coo as you urge for him to show you another. You move closer to him, a bit too close as you watch. 

Once the video finishes you look at him, realising that your face is inches away from his. You instantly back away. Almost as if his presence gives you an electric shock. 

“Longest relationship” way to change the subject.

“6 years” you respond, the memories of it all come back. He motions for you to elaborate.

“The relationship wasn’t all bad. It was good for the first year or two. Then it just got boring, we both stayed because we got comfortable. Relaxed. I guess It was easy to be with someone who despite me not loving him, we both knew one another inside out and there was no need to make too much effort. Eventually we both realised that it had to end. There was no hard feelings, we’re still friends. He’s married now with a son” 

You feel a little sad that he managed to find his soul mate, his person. the woman he truly loves. And yet you’re stuck in this rut. 

“How about you?” you change the subject before he can comment on how bothered you look.

“5 years, it wasn’t a bad break up either just didn’t work out i guess. It happens and now here i am. Single too. Just going about my life. Wondering if i’ll ever marry and have kids” he chuckles, you can see the embarrassment in his face. The way he’s looking down to avoid your eyes. 

He feels a sense of sadness too. He wants a family, this isn’t new information. You’ve seen the interviews. He’s always said he wants a big family. But he’s still alone and no closer to achieving that.

The more you talk to him, the more you like him. He’s so genuine and sweet. He’s got a heart of gold, you can see it so easily. Not a bad or mean bone in his body. 

Why on earth is he single?

He’s the dream boyfriend, the guy that pretty much most girls want. He’s sensitive, romantic and sexy. 

This will forever be a mystery after tonight. You feel like you know each other inside and out now.

It’s nice.

As time ticks by, it’s getting later. It’s now midnight and you’re focusing on the movie, you turn to make a joke about one of the scenes but he’s fast asleep next to you. You throw some of the duvet over him before lying down yourself and turning the tv off. 

---------------

The sunlight almost blinds you, forcing you awake. You desperately reach to shut the blinds but a voice stops you dead in your tracks.

“Wakey wakey” It’s Chris.

“We’re needed on set in half an hour. So get up sleepy head” he teases, throwing a pillow at you. You jump up out of bed, chasing him with said pillow. Ready to throw it back to him.

“Oh you are a grumpy one in the mornings. I shoulda known” you can’t even be mad, he’s so positive and smiley. You just toss the pillow to the ground and head to shower.

You step out to find him in the lounge area, coffee cups in his hands. He hands you one. 

You check the time to see you have 15 minutes left to get ready. You waste no time in downing your coffee and rushing to change before heading out with him to hair and makeup. 

The women both get to work on the two of you. Chris starts cracking jokes and playing music to lighten everyones mood. It works.

You only have two scenes today before you’re free to do whatever you want. Chris however has 4 scenes.

--------------

You finish the final one, you messed up a couple times but it’s all good. It was just a mixture of nerves and not remembering lines. You soon perfected it though.

A smell of bacon and fresh fruit fills your nose. Food time. You head into the kitchen to grab some and halfway through, Chris joins. He plonks himself down on the bench opposite you, a huge grin plastering his face.

“What do you want?” your voice laced with suspicion “nothing just wanted to eat my lunch with my new best friend” you giggle, stuffing pineapple in your mouth and starting a conversation with him about politics.

He’s really into his politics and you figured you should get into it too. You should really start paying attention and taking an interest in what’s happening around you.

He gets onto the topic of his new project A Starting Point. Telling you all about it and everything he has planned for it. It’s refreshing to hear. A guy that’s sexy, smart, sensitive and romantic. He really is the full package. 

If Chris is being honest with himself, he has a huge urge to kiss you right now. The way you’re taking an interest in his new project, asking him questions and really making an effort. It’s a turn on for him for sure. A huge one. It’s obvious that he’s attracted to you, everyone can see it. Everyone but you that is.

You’re not showing any signs of reciprocating the same feelings or even that you’ve noticed how he feels. But that’s what makes him like you more. You’re so chill around him. You treat him like a normal person not a celebrity. You want to know normal things rather than about his career as an actor.

“I can’t believe you saw me in the morning, i must have looked rough” you laugh, covering your face with your hands.

“You could never look rough so shush. You looked cute” you feel your cheeks heat up at his compliment. You can’t help but feel shy.

He’s saying all the right things. 

This crush is going to be the death of you.

----------

Filming has flown by. You’re on your last two days and you feel emotional. The only scenes that are left are the intimate ones. The sex scenes. It’s daunting to film but you have to face it head on.

Your crush on Chris and his crush on you has really developed. You’ve spent weeks flirting non stop but nothing much has come of it. Just that you’ve gotten closer. It’s friendship only as far as you both know. Neither one of you have admitted these secret feelings. Both of you unaware of the other feeling the same.

You walk onto set ready to face this scene head on. He flashes you a reassuring smile as you start the scene at the directors call. 

“Can you ever forgive me” 

“I don’t know” 

“What if i was extra nice from now on” 

He stalks closer to you, his hands snaking around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

He lowers his head down, kissing at your sweet spot, biting too. A soft moan escapes your lips and he stops. He lifts his head, his eyes meet yours and a smile grows on both of your faces. 

The director yells cut and you both have a quick drink before resuming.

No direct kissing happens yet, just some teasing neck kisses and flirtatious comments.

Once the day draws to a close you head back to your trailer, not realising that Chris is hot on your heels.

You shut your trailer door but it opens again. He rushes in like there’s an emergency. 

“You okay?”

“I’m good, i just wanted to talk to you about the scenes that we’re doing tomorrow” 

You gesture for him to take a seat, you sit down beside him, letting him talk.

“They are quite intimate and raunchy should i say, i just want to make sure that you’re comfortable with doing that with me” 

This is cute. He cares to check that you’re comfortable.

You reassure him that you are.

“Chris it’s fine. Thank you though, i appreciate this. But i’ll have no trouble doing those scenes with you” your eyes widen. Way to put your foot in it.

His eyes meet yours, a questioning look on his face but you find a way to change the subject.

You escaped that one by the skin of your teeth. He’s bound to bring it up again.

Hopefully he doesn’t.

-------------

Final day of filming has just begun. The scenes are seconds away from starting. 

Your character and Chris’s character are sitting on a couch. The energy right now has your pussy quite literally throbbing. He smells so good and he looks even better.

“You know the effect you have on me right” he says, barely above a whisper. 

“Why don’t you prove it” 

He picks you up, pulling you onto him to straddle his lap. His hands rest on your waist before gliding to grip your ass. 

Another moment where you don’t think this is going to be acting for you.

This is all you’ve wanted since you met the guy.

“You sure?” you nod your head in response to his question before he crashes his lips to yours. You can see fireworks.

It’s passionate, all consuming and he’s quite literally taking your breath away.

You continue to make out, moving positions so he’s standing up, carrying you. He leads you to the bed in the same room. As he lays you down, he breaks from the kiss, looking at you like he’s looking into your soul. 

The director yells cut and you both pause to get feedback before continuing. The heat between the two of you is evidently clear. It’s not acting. It’s real. It’s like all of the flirting and sexual tension has built up and is finally coming out in this scene. At least the chemistry will be believable to the viewers.

Once you finish the scene. It’s a wrap.

You’re relieved. The last couple months has been pure torture. Acting with him. Fighting urges and temptations. 

Everyone claps as you all hug.

You have one more night in the trailer before heading home tomorrow.

It’s not a boring night though, you’re too distracted over that kiss earlier to care about being in complete darkness.

You fall asleep shortly after, eager to get back to L.A.

------------

It’s home time and you bend down trying to shut your suitcase. A couple of groans and sex like sounds escape your mouth.

“Knock knock. Oh shit” he chuckles, stepping inside to find you bent over, packing.

You stand upright, turning immediately.

“Sorry did i interrupt something?” he holds his hands up “not at all. Just this suitcase testing my patience” he walks over kneeling down to help. 

“Sit on it for me” he instructs, you listen, sitting down.

He starts pulling at the zip and it budges slightly but not properly. He pulls harder and as he’s leaning back he bumps into you, knocking you backwards and onto the floor. You burst into a fit of laughter. He kneels down next to you to help you.

You’re a ball on the floor, laughing and snorting as you try to get up, you fail and probably look ugly but to him you’re beautiful. He brushes a strand of hair out of your face, bringing you back down to earth. You sit up and eventually zip your suitcase up. 

You turn to walk away but he pulls you back to him.

Chest to chest. Eyes locked on his. His breath fans your face. He smells incredible.

“I um, should probably get going. My ride is here” you gulp. His hand rests on your waist before his grip loosens. 

His time is up.

“If you ever want to hang out though, we don’t live far from each other. It won’t be hard to keep in touch” he starts but you finish it “sure, i’d like that” and with that, you leave him standing there alone.

----------

You’ve been back in L.A for a week now, still no text from him. It is what it is though, he doesn’t owe it to you.

The day goes quickly. You lounge around the house all day, bored with nothing to do. That’s when your phone buzzes.

‘Fancy hanging out? I’m going out of my mind here’

‘Sure’

He offers to pick you up, to hang out at his place. He can’t leave his dog alone. You give him your address and wait for him to arrive, setting your alarms and running out to meet him. He had a lot of security to get past just to get to your house. Luckily with him being famous too, he has the same precautions in place. 

You get into the his car and head back to his place. The chat on the way is mostly about what you’ve both been up to and turns out you’re both massive introverts and have done sweet fuck all.

It doesn’t take long to reach his place. Just as he pulls into his garage he warns you about Dodger.

“Just so you know, he’ll be hyper. I’ve not had anyone over in a while. Especially a woman” you shake it off and the second you step foot into his house Dodger comes running, jumping up and tackling you until you fall to the floor.

You don’t care though, you love dogs. And Dodger is just the cutest ever.

He licks your face and you pet him, settling him.

“Dodge, come on boo boo” he whistles and the excited pup sits, wagging his tail.

“He’s all good don’t worry. I had dogs growing up. I’m used to it” he leads you to the kitchen, offering you a drink to which you decline. 

You start wondering through his house, not realising that he’s following closely behind. 

“You’ve got such a nice house you know”

“I tried with the decor but had to call Scott in for help”

“It’s nice th-”

“I’m sorry i can’t do this” he let’s out a deep breath.

“Do what?”

You get closer and he crashes his lips to yours.

You kiss him back, your arms wrapping around his neck loosely. His hands fall to your ass again.

His tongue swipes across your bottom lip, nudging you to part them and make way for him. You happily oblige. The kiss soon gets heated. He taps the back of your thighs. You jump and he starts walking, carrying you to what looks like his bedroom. He lays you down onto the bed.

You break away, panting.

“That was so worth the long wait. God i’ve wa-”

You pull him down by the collars of his shirt, connecting your lips back to his. His hands lift your shirt off before removing his own. Your hands fiddle with his belt buckle, rushing to get him naked. He spots your need, standing up to help you out. 

As he does, you rid yourself of your clothes, laying there in nothing but your panties.

He looks down, examining you. In complete awe of the sight.

“Please” you beg, he slides your panties off.

He knows what you want, he doesn’t have to even guess.

This is just what you wanted. From day one. 

All the sexual tension is coming out to play. He slides a condom down his hard length, sliding into you straight away.

Your pussy stretches around him, making room.

He’s the biggest you’ve ever had that’s for certain.

“Feel good?” he asks, you hum, wrapping your legs around him.

“You’re so tight baby” he grunts, picking his pace up slightly. You pull him down and kiss him before breaking away and propping yourself up on your elbows, watching as his cock disappears inside of you.

It feels so amazing. You don’t ever want it to end.

“God, just like that. Fuck” you bite at your bottom lip, your eyes locked on his as he fucks you. He kisses your leg as he holds them up.

Soon enough, as you’re getting used to the mind blowing pleasure, he switches things up.

He flips the two of you over so you’re straddling him. 

You start bouncing up and down, grinding as he bottoms out. He pulls you down so he can take matters into his own hands. 

His pace picks up again, getting quicker than before. 

“Shit” you groan, head falling into the crook of his neck.

“Come on baby, cum for me” he encourages, whispering naughty things to you as he holds your body like it was made just for him. 

“Oh god Chris” your pussy starts to throb, your walls flutter around him. You’re falling over that edge, that sweet release consuming you.

“Just like that baby. I’m right behind you”  and with that. He twitches and groans. His mouth falls open as he reaches his. 

He looks so sexy like this. You’re both naked and vulnerable.

This isn’t like any sex that you’ve had before. This was romantic and intimate. It was sexy and nasty too at some parts. It was perfect.

“You know, i’ve wanted to do that since that night at the Oscars” you chuckle, agreeing with him.

“Me too. I’m glad we didn’t though. Clearly all of that build up helped us act better” you both burst into laughter. You’re not wrong.

You don’t know where this leaves you but for now you just want to live in the moment.

-------------

General Tag List:  @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @princess-evans-addict @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics 

Just Chris & His Characters Tag List: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

[celestialtitania]

The Letter

Thank you to @nothingwillsuffice for betaing! Written for MWG's April Event. Can also read on AO3.

Alya stared at her two friends in disbelief. They had gone from having limited contact to practically snuggling with each other in front of the whole class!

"I know you two finally started dating but how are you so affectionate already?" She demanded to know, waiting for her best friend to immediately spill the details.

"Isn't this how all couples interact when they love each other?" Adrien asked innocently.

Marinette leaned slightly away from Adrien, so she could whisper in Alya's ear without being overheard. "He gets his romance from anime. Don't tell him anything!"

Adrien Agreste, the famous supermodel, was into anime? Alya raised a disbelieving brow at Marinette who nodded at her in all seriousness. Adrien rested his head on Marinette's shoulder just then and Alya had to control herself from whipping out her phone and snapping a picture.

"Hey, dude and dudette," Nino greeted them as he walked in, fist-bumping Adrien and tossing an arm around Alya. "Hi, babe," he greeted her with a smile. Then he took a double take as Adrien went from resting on Marinette to full-on snuggling into her.

"What are you, a cat? Keep climbing like that and Marinette will be too tired to do anything," Nino shook his head at them.

"It's fine," Marinette waved Nino off as Adrien pouted and snuggled further. "Marinette's warm and if I let go, I'll miss her too much!" Adrien whined in protest. Marinette simply patted his head with her free hand as Alya gaped in disbelief.

"I always knew this day would come but this is too soon. Even for them," Nino lamented and Alya turned to her boyfriend in confusion.

Nino dramatically looked up at the ceiling and shook his head before turning to her. "It's time we face it, babe. We're no longer the romantic ones of the group," Nino said mournfully. Alya's jaw dropped in indignation.

"Nino! Of course, we're the romantic ones. We're very romantic!"

Nino simply gazed at Marinette and Adrien in response. Alya sighed in resignation. "Okay, fine. No one can be as romantic as these two, but we're still plenty romantic."

"These two have me thinking we're not romantic at all."

"Okay, that's so not true," Marinette disentangled herself from Adrien to lean forward. "You two are my favourite couple." Beside her, Adrien nodded solemnly in agreement.

Nino gave them a grin as he played with his hat. "Yeah, you're right. We're an awesome couple." He gave Alya a quick kiss on the cheek as Marinette slid out of his seat. Alya smiled at Nino as she headed towards her own seat but what he had said was starting to get to her. An uncomfortable feeling grew in her stomach and she turned to Marinette, who was watching her carefully.

"Girl, I need you to tell me the truth. Are Nino and I really not that romantic of a couple?"

Marinette sighed. "You two got akumatized for playing "Super Penguino" on a class trip and we all know you weren't playing a video game. You two are very romantic and so clearly in love."

"But what if Nino doesn't think that's true anymore?" Alya whispered, anxiously picking at her nails.

Marinette frowned. "If he thinks you two aren't being as romantic as you used to be, why don't you just do something extra romantic for him?"

Alya tilted her head, thinking it over. That was an intriguing idea. "Like what?" She asked, a little lost for ideas.

Marinette hummed thoughtfully. "Oh! You're an amazing writer, especially when it comes to the facts."

"That's true. Any journalist worth her salt has to be a good writer," Alya pointed out before pausing as she took in the smirk on Marinette's face.

"Why don't you write Nino a love letter?" Marinette whispered excitedly.

Alya blinked having expected something unnecessarily big and complicated. "A love letter?"

"Old-school romance, I think it's the sweetest thing ever. Getting that love letter would just make your heart flutter, especially when it's from someone you love more than anything." Marinette confirmed, sighing dreamily at the idea of receiving a love letter.

Alya quirked an eyebrow at her. "And how exactly do you know this?"

Marinette smiled. "Maman was telling me stories about how Papa courted her, yesterday."

Alya couldn't help but gush at that herself. That must have been so sweet. She paused, replaying the emotions that had just overcome her as Marinette looked at her triumphantly.

"So, you doing it?" Marinette asked innocently, though she couldn't quite hide her smile.

Alya simply rolled her eyes at her best friend. "Nobody likes a gloater," she said, turning to pay attention to Mlle. Bustier's lesson even as Marinette quietly squealed in anticipation.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Alya held up her freshly written letter and squinted at it. Marinette sighed at her from where she was lying on Alya's bed.

"This is like the tenth time you've rewritten it!" Marinette protested when Alya turned around to give her an annoyed look.

"I have to make sure it's perfect!" Alya smiled, her competitive nature coming to life. "He'll regret thinking we're not romantic, if it's the last thing I do!"

"Okay, tone it down over there with the possible supervillain origin story," Marinette laughed. "Alya, Nino loves you. He'll see how romantic it is no matter what you write, okay?"

Alya pursed her lips. "Maybe if I just change one more thing," she mused, reaching for the eraser. Marinette caught her arm before she could get to it and gave her a hard glare.

"No. No more editing," Marinette commanded. Alya looked up at her pleadingly but Marinette was not swayed in the slightest. "Put it in the envelope, Alya." Grudgingly, Alya folded the letter and put it inside the rose-scented pale pink envelope they had specifically picked out.

"Now, seal the envelope," Marinette handed Alya the glue stick, dashing Alya's hopes that she could just take the letter out again later. But Alya didn't argue, knowing Marinette was right to force her into it.

"It's done. It's official now," Alya groaned, resting her head on her desk. Marinette giggled at her. "Not quite, you still have to give it to Nino."

Alya's eyes widened. "Like hand the letter to him? In front of everyone?"

"That'd be so bold and romantic," Marinette gushed.

"Are you sure you haven't started getting your romance tips from anime too?" Alya asked dryly.

Much to Alya's surprise, Marinette blushed. "I had to! Adrien would keep flirting with me anime style and I wanted to know the best ways to catch him off guard."

Alya stared at her best friend. "Never tell me anything about how you and Adrien flirt, got it?" She ordered, inwardly shivering at whatever would cause Marinette to blush so furiously. Marinette opened her mouth to protest but Alya waved her finger at her. "Never," she repeated.

This time it was Marinette's turn to pout at her but Alya also did not give in. After a few moments of an intense staring contest, Marinette gave in with a huff. Satisfied, Alya turned back around to consider her letter.

"Why don't we mail it to Nino instead?" Alya asked hopefully.

"What if his parents or Chris find it and open it before Nino sees it? That would ruin the romance aspect," Marinette pointed out.

"Well do you have a better idea? Because I am not walking up to him and giving it to him at school. That is way too much pressure."

Marinette gave her a mischievous look. "What happened to the fearless journalist who doesn't back down from the truth?"

"She's on vacation," Alya deadpanned making Marinette laugh.

Marinette picked up the letter, her eyes moving around the room. Then she blinked, a slow smile appearing on her face. "I have a plan," she informed Alya.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

"For some reason, I feel like you came up with this plan just so you wouldn't have to babysit by yourself," Alya commented as they watched Manon play with Marinette's handmade dolls, as they sat on the park bench.

"Would I do that?" Marinette asked, curled up on the bench. Her eyes kept drooping and she let out a gigantic yawn.

"Based on how tired you are, you most definitely would. Girl, are you not getting enough sleep? You didn't use to be this sleepy." Behind all of Alya's teasing, she was worried for her friend.

"I'm okay, I just get behind on school and whatnot. You know what they say about vicious cycles," Marinette shrugged. "Come on, let's go over the plan one more time."

Alya nodded determinedly, as she pulled out the written she had so carefully written. "Nino will like it, right?" She asked her best friend, a small niggle of doubt making her hesitant.

Marinette beamed at her. "He'll love it," she confirmed. Then she sat up looking more attentive than she had been in hours. "He's here!" She whisper-squealed as she pointed in a general direction. Alya followed her finger to where Nino and Adrien had sat down. Clearly, neither boy had noticed the girls.

"Manon!" Marinette called out to the little girl, who looked up curiously at the sound of her name. When Marinette gestured for her to come over, she quickly abandoned the dolls and ran to sit on Marinette's lap. Manon had turned expectantly towards Alya.

"Is it story time?" Manon asked innocently.

Alya shook her head. "Not yet. Do you see that blond boy, the one you took pictures with once Ladybug got rid of all the ice?"

Manon's eyes lit up in recognition and she nodded eagerly. "Well, can you give this letter to the boy sitting next to him?" Alya held out the letter for Manon, who was frowning. "If you do, I'll tell you all the stories you want."

"Deal!" Manon exclaimed happily, quickly grabbing the letter from Alya and heading towards the two boys. Marinette and Alya watched with bated breath as Manon went to go talk to the boys. Soon enough, Manon was running back to them.

"There! Now a story!" The little girl demanded, plopping herself into Alya's lap. Alya wanted to keep watching the boys but a deal was a deal. Marinette only laughed as Alya began to spin tales of unicorns battling robots.

She'd gotten all the way up to the climax when Marinette interrupted her, by tapping on her shoulder. Adrien and Nino had come up to them. Nino was frowning while Adrien looked extremely uncomfortable.

Marinette winked at Alya before getting up to give Adrien a hug. He hugged her back but not as tightly or lovingly as he always did. Instead, his arms came up hesitantly while his gaze remained trained on Alya. Meanwhile, Nino refused to look at her.

Exasperated, Alya turned to Marinette hoping she would have some idea of what was going on. But Marinette looked just as puzzled as Alya felt.

"Adrien? Is something wrong?" Marinette asked, gently laying a hand on Adrien's cheek which caused him to flinch. A look of surprise and hurt crossed Marinette's face as she took a step back from him.

"Nino? What's happening?" Alya frowned, as she put Manon down to stand next to him. Her boyfriend simply fiddled with his hat, like he always did when he was upset with one arm crossed across his chest defensively. Adrien gave Marinette a regretful look before taking in a deep breath.

"Alya," Adrien said, his voice was hard and unforgiving. "Why would you give this to me?"

Alya looked at Marinette instinctively. She hadn't given anything to Adrien. That was when Adrien reached into his pocket and pulled out a pink envelope. A very familiar pink envelope.

"Why do you have that?" Alya asked as she threw a hurt glance towards Nino. Even if he hated the letter, her boyfriend could have had the decency to keep it to himself rather than pass it on to his best friend.

Then she registered what Adrien had said. "W-what do you mean, give it to you?"

In the corner of her eye, Alya could see Marinette slapping her hand to her forehead before crouching to speak with Manon.

"Manon said it was for me," Adrien defended. "And it has your name on it!"

"You said to give it to the blond boy!" Manon piped up, helpfully.

"No, we said to give it to the boy next to him," Marinette corrected, a relieved smile on her face. "You weren't listening, were you?"

"What?" Nino stuttered, his arms falling down as his eyes met hers. Marinette rolled her eyes.

"Obviously, the letter was for you, Nino. Why on earth would it be for Adrien?"

Adrien and Nino gaped as Marinette scolded Manon for being so excited about a story she ended up not doing her job properly. "Only responsible little girls get stories!" She finished making Manon nod sadly.

"Sorry for making a mess," She apologized before running to hug Marinette's leg for some comfort.

Adrien was visibly relieved as he handed the letter over to Nino before going to Marinette. Alya shook her head at both Manon and Adrien before turning her gaze back towards her sheepish boyfriend.

"Hey, Alya, I just–," Alya didn't let him finish, swatting him on the arm. He yelped before rubbing it to soothe the pain.

"How dare you?" Alya hissed. "I pour all my time and effort into making you the most amazing and romantic letter possible and you think I would send it to Adrien?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Alya saw Adrien open his mouth to protest but Marinette elbowed him in the gut before he could say anything.

Nino wrung his hands together. "I didn't really know what to think, I just...it was your name on the letter and Manon insisted it was for Adrien, and I…"

They turned towards Manon, who gave a little shrug. Alya supposed she should let it go, Manon was only five years old, making her younger than even Alya's twin sisters. And they would have made the mistake much worse than just giving it to Nino's best friend.

Nino's lack of trust on the other hand…Sensing she was about to yell at him again, Nino took her hand in his. "You know I love you, babe. The idea of losing you hurt me too much." He gave her a soft, pleading look.

Alya raised an eyebrow and Nino sighed. "I panicked and acted like a complete idiot. Please forgive me?"

Alya rolled her eyes before pulling Nino into a hug. She could feel her boyfriend grin against her before he pulled back just enough to kiss her. When he pulled away, Alya couldn't help the wave of disappointment that had washed over her.

"Nino? Read the letter," Marinette advised. Then she turned to Alya. "You know, all the movies say that couples that go through misunderstandings like this are the most romantic. But I guess that's just my opinion."

Alya's bestie scooped Manon into her arms before dragging Adrien away. Alya sent Marinette a grateful look before turning back to her boyfriend.

"It smells nice," he said lamely.

"Wow, so nice of you to notice," Alya snarked. He seemed to wilt under her gaze as he carefully opened the letter and began to read. Alya was rather gratified to see the myriad of emotions crossing Nino's face as his eyes misted up.

"I love you too, Alya. I love you so much, babe. I'm so sorry I'm such an idiot." Nino said, at last, his hands trembling as he gripped the letter.

Alya rolled her eyes once again. "And we're an extremely romantic couple, I was completely in the wrong," Nino added.

A smirk crossed Alya's face, making her shrug. "I suppose I can forgive you, just this once," Alya mused out loud making Nino laugh. Before she could react, he pulled her into a kiss and Alya decided there were more important things to care about.

[vxlkyrie]

boo

pairing: spencer reid x reader

genre: (a bit of) angst, fluff

warning: cursing, mentions of (fake) blood, fake weapons, mentions of alcohol, suggestive themes

word count: 3.1k

summary: i guess that’s one way to get into the halloween spirit

a/n: hi! how is everyone doing? i’m like over two months into the semester and i’ve finally gotten into routine with the workflow. now that i’ve found some time to write, why not make a halloween-inspired oneshot? i hope you are all doing well and i hope you all enjoy reading! have a safe and happy halloween! (also this is definitely still in beta, so sorry for any mistakes!)

“hey y/n?” derek called from a few desks away from you.

“yeah morgan?” you answered, concentrating on your paperwork.

“got any plans for halloween?” he asked, trying to stifle a laugh.

“yeah, spence and i were-” before you could finish answering, you looked up to see a very detailed, yet disgusting mask in front of you. “hey babe.” you chuckled, lifting up the mask to reveal your boyfriend’s flustered face as you gave him a quick peck before returning back to your work.

derek and emily gave each other a bewildered look.

“you were supposed to jump out of your seat and scream.” spencer pouted as he took off the mask.

“i was?” you raised an eyebrow. “well, ahh!” you lightly jumped in your seat and let out a low monotone scream as you waved your hands in the air in an attempt to look scared, earning giggles from the other two agents.

“haha, funny.” spencer slouched his shoulders.

“i’m sorry babe, i just don’t really get scared at anything, especially during halloween.”

“but that’s the best part of halloween!”

“i know! i grew up on horror movies and video games. i guess i just desensitized myself from getting scared.” you shrugged your shoulders.

“that explains why you didn’t get scared when that phoenix unsub shot right next your head.” derek mumbled.

“she is so lucky he missed.” emily muttered back.

“i just have a couple sentences to write down. once i’m finished, wanna get some take out and watch a movie? your choice.” you asked spencer. he smiled and nodded in response, walking to derek’s desk.

“you’ve been dating y/n for how long and you just found out she can’t get scared?”

“we’ve only been dating for three months, five days, and eight hours.” spencer said matter-of-factly.

“right.” derek gave him a look.

“it’s my first fall with her – my first holiday with her, and it’s our favorite holiday too! i just thought i could get a good scare out of her.”

“well, you’re a genius. there must be some way you could scare her.” emily encouraged him.

“i mean, if she can’t even get scared from this,” spencer said, putting the mask back on. “this is gonna take longer than i expected.” he sighed.

“what the hell is that?” penelope suddenly screamed as she entered the room, looking at spencer with a terrified expression.

-

“what movie are we watching?” you asked as you got yourself comfortable on the couch.

“oh nothing, just the scariest movie to ever exist on the planet.” he over exaggerated as he wiggled his fingers to emphasize that it’s scary. you tried your best not to laugh at your boyfriend.

“where did you get this?”

“i found it on this website, it’s only available in asia and yet only a few people have seen this.”

“isn’t that kind of illegal?” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“um, probably. anyways, trust me, it’s pretty scary.”

“scariest movie ever. gotcha.” you nodded as he took his seat next to you, wrapping a tight arm around you.

as the movie played, there were times where you felt spencer tightened his grip around you.

“you okay babe?” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“yeah!” he said as his voice cracked. he cleared his throat awkwardly. “ just making sure you’re safe and not getting scared.”

“of course.” you lightly chuckled as you continued watching the movie.

sure, there were some parts of the movie that creeped you out along with a few jumpscares that you didn’t see coming, but none of that fazed you. spencer, on the other hand, was terrified. you can feel him shake at times where you could tell the monster was about to pop out or hear a faint noise come out of his mouth from trying not to scream. 

the sound became quiet – a little too quiet. the characters scope out the area with fear in their eyes when the monster popped out of nowhere and a loud sound effect followed. the characters started screaming and running away. as the monster appeared, you suddenly felt emptiness next to you. you look to your side.

“spencer?” you said out loud.

you look over the couch to see your boyfriend hiding behind the couch, crouching into a ball. you tightened your lips together in an attempt to not laugh at him.

“are you sure you’re okay, spence?” you looked at him skeptically.

spencer jumped up, dusting himself off as he shamefully walked back into his spot on the couch. he started to breathe in and out slowly.

“yes, i’m perfectly fine. definitely not scared at all. let’s keep watching.” he attempted to chuckle. 

he wrapped his arms back around you, his grip tighter than usual. you raised your eyebrows at him in confusion.

“just making sure you don’t get scared.” he lied.

“like a tough boyfriend should.” you playfully teased.

the movie kept on playing, but not even two minutes later, spencer has you on his lap with his head hiding behind your back, occasionally peaking over your shoulders.

at this this point, you didn’t even question him as you kept your eyes glued to the screen. spencer looked at you in shock as you kept a pokerface during the rest of the movie, no matter how loud or how scary the movie got.

he sighed in defeat.

-

you were adding the final touches on your makeup when you heard your doorbell ring. you opened your door to see spencer dressed up his favorite sweater.

“well you look warm and cozy.” you smiled at him as you gave him a quick peck.

“thank you. you look pretty cute yourself.” he shyly said as he took in your striking image as you sported your cutest fall outfit.

“you’re such a flirt,” you smirked. “so where are we going anyways?” you asked as you two walked towards his car.

“it’s a surprise.” he answered, opening the passenger door for you.

“come on, can you at least give me a hint?” you pouted. spencer softly laughed as he turned on the engine and started driving. he played your favorite tunes as an attempt to distract you from asking him again. luckily, it worked.

you felt the car being put into park as you finished the last song. you look around to see a big and dark warehouse.

“you took me to a haunted house?” you looked at your boyfriend in confusion.

“yeah. why? you a little scared?” he slightly smirked even though his voice sounded a bit hopeful.

“oh yeah, definitely.” you laughed as you stepped out of the car.

spencer sighed as he slowly locked his car. he was not a fan of haunted houses (and according to jj, he’s gotten kicked out of some for screaming too much) but if it meant getting a screech out of you, it was all worth it.

you and spencer were currently waiting in line to go into the haunted house.

“hey babe, you sure you’re not gonna get scared?” he asked as he played with your hand.

“oh i definitely am. i’m going to absolutely piss myself whenever i see a severed hand pop out of the wall.” you answered. spencer could practically feel the sarcasm in every word.

“you’ve been hanging out with rossi a little too much.” he frowned, causing you to giggle and plant a kiss on his lips.

time passed by and it was finally your’s and spencer’s turn to enter the oh-so-scary haunted house. the moment you two stepped in, you felt your boyfriend’s hand instantly grabbed yours. you tried your best not to giggle.

as you two walked through the dark hall, the lights started to suddenly flash. next think you know, a figure wearing a scary mask appeared in front of you two. spencer jumped up and let out a loud shriek. you couldn’t help but let out a cackle, earning a pout from your boyfriend and a head tilt from the actor.

you two continued to walked through the heavily decorated warehouse. spencer audibly gulped as he watched a pool of blood drip from the ceiling.

“we’ve been to crime scenes worse than this, and this is what gets to you?” you joked as you pointed at the blood that was obviously mixed with corn syrup and red dye.

“the blood’s, uh, usually already dry by the time we get there.” spencer practically whispered. you laughed as you shook your head.

more screams and cries for help from spencer continued as you try to find the exit.

“y/n, help!” he yelled as he saw several hands pop through the wall.

“just walk through it.” you casually tell him.

“i’m not walking through that!”

when a woman with disheveled hair and a white gown approached you two, you continued to pass by her while spencer pressed against the wall as he tried to tiptoe around her.

“hello ma’am, i’m just gonna, uh, walk around you if that’s okay.” he politely told the terrifying looking lady. she responded by screaming in his face, causing him to whimper as he ran towards you, wrapping his arms around you as you laughed.

“i’m sorry, but that was so funny,” you said, practically in tears as you gripped your stomach from laughing so much. “come on, we’re almost at the end.”

“it’s okay spencer, you can do this,” he said out loud to himself. “the exit is right there, you just gotta-”

before he could finish, a bigger man with a chainsaw appeared out of nowhere and started to chase after you two. spencer let out the loudest scream as he bolted towards the exit as you slowly walked behind him.

“you good babe?” you asked as you placed a hand on spencer’s shoulder as he had his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

he cleared his throat as he stood right back up, putting back his tough facade back on.

“oh yeah. i’m great.” he tried to look serious.

“did you have fun?” you asked.

“hell yeah i did. did you? i bet you were so scared.” he chuckled.

“terrified.” you deadpanned, patting his back as you walked back to the car.

spencer sighed in defeat once again.

-

“kid, what are you doing?” derek asked spencer who was currently staring off into space.

“i’m thinking.” he shushed his friend.

“oh wow who would’ve thought.” emily quipped, making derek laugh.

“guys, this is serious. y/n’s out getting lunch right now and i need to use this time to come up with a plan to scare her.” spencer explained himself.

“didn’t we establish that y/n is impossible to scare?” emily pointed out.

“yeah that woman isn’t scared of anything at all. that in itself is scary.” derek commented.

“i know! and no matter how much i try to scare her, i just can’t. that mask thing didn’t work, she wasn’t fazed by the haunted house we went to. she didn’t even flinch at the foreign scary movie i illegally downloaded!” he quickly said.

“you, an fbi agent, illegally downloaded a foreign film?”

“that’s not the point! the point is that i will scare y/n. i just don’t know how.”

derek and emily looked at each other.

“we might have an idea.”

the next day, you were out running errands when you got a call from derek.

“hey derek, what’s up-”

“y/n, you have to get to spencer’s right now!” he answered in a panicked voice.

“what?! what happened? is he okay?” you practically yelled into your phone.

“just get her, there’s no time!” derek hung up.

your eyes widened as you sprinted to your car and sped to your boyfriend’s apartment.

you entered through the already unlocked door to see derek and emily hovering over spencer.

“what’s going on?” you asked as your body was shaking with fear. you stepped toward spencer who was laying on the floor with a pool of blood surrounding him.

“i don’t know, we came to visit him but then we just found him like that.” emily explained.

you gasped as you saw the knife that was stuck in him.

“spence, how did this happen?” your voice cracked. 

spencer wasn’t moving. he barely breathing. 

“call 911!” you yelled at emily and derek, eyes still on spencer. “wake up babe. it’s gonna be okay.” you cried.

you tried to hold spencer when all of the sudden–

“boo!” he shouted in your face. you closed your eyes and let out a deafening scream.

“i finally got you baby!” he jumped in victory and laughed, pulling out the fake knife from his chest. “you should’ve seen your face!”

you kept still on the floor, quietly sniffling.

“hey baby are you okay?” spencer approached you, reaching his hand out towards you.

you slapped it away as you ran out, slamming the door shut.

“shit, maybe we went too far?” emily said as all three of them felt guilty.

-

you didn’t call spencer for the rest of the day, not wanting to talk to him after what he pulled.

you sat on your couch as you watched your favorite halloween movie with a frown on your face. you were ready to fall asleep when you heard a faint knock on your door.

you walked towards the peephole, looking to see a sad spencer holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. you took in a deep breath as you opened the door.

“h-hey y/n.” he smiled sadly.

“hi.” you responded, giving him a small smile, feeling a little embarrassed that you look like you’ve been crying for years and currently wearing a dirty shirt and sweatpants.

“can i come in?” he politely asked. you nodded, opening the door wider for him. “these are, uh, for you, obviously.” he nervously chuckled as he pushed the bouquet towards you.

“they’re beautiful. thank you.” you took the flowers from him and set them on your kitchen island.

“look,” spencer started. you turn around to look at him, ready to listen to him. “i just wanted to say that i’m so fucking sorry for being a dick to you. i just wanted to get a scare out of you because you’re impossible to scare, but i went too far and i had not intention to hurt you at all. i’m so sorry, y/n.”

you sighed.

“spence, i thought something serious happened to you. when i saw you on the floor, i couldn’t breathe. knowing that it was all a joke made me so pissed.”

“i know and again, i’m so sorry.”

“the only reason i don’t get scared of movies or haunted houses is because i know they’re not real. but when i saw you with that knife in you and all that blood, that looked a little too real and that scared the absolute shit out of me. i thought i was gonna lose you.” you explained, a tear rolling down your cheek.

“oh baby,” spencer wrapped his arms around you, wiping the tear off your face. “i didn’t want you to think that. i’m so sorry.”

you gave spencer a kiss on the lips as you wrapped your arms around him hugging him tightly.

“does that mean you forgive me?” he asked. you pulled away to look him.

“only on one condition,” you said. spencer raised an eyebrow at you. “don’t ask derek and emily for advice again.”

“i’ll do you one better. let’s get back at them.” he suggested.

“great idea doctor.” you smirked at him.

-

“happy halloween!” rossi, who was dressed up as dracula, greeted you and spencer at his front door. he decided that the team will be throwing a halloween party (at his house, of course).

“thank you so much for having us!” you hugged rossi.

“it’s no problem,” he said as he kissed spencer’s cheeks. “also, try not to make too much of a mess when you scare them.” he whispered, looking at you two. you and spencer looked at each other, trying not to giggle.

you two joined the rest of the team as they gathered around one of the tables.

“hey guys!” spencer shouted.

“wow look at you two!” penelope awed as she pointed out your beetlejuice inspired couples costume (after a small argument, both of you decided to go as beetlejuice).

“you guys look amazing!” jj smiled.

“thank you so much!” you smiled back.

as the party went on, everyone was pretty tipsy – except for you and spencer (and hotch).

“you ready?” he whispered in your ear.

“always.” you smirked as you two walked away from the group, giving a quick nod at rossi.

you two got yourself ready to scare the living shit out of your teammates.

“is this enough blood?” spencer asked, half of his face covered in red corn syrup.

“yes, babe, that’s plenty.” you laughed.

you two got into position, waiting for your friends to find you.

“hey, where did the two lovebirds go?” penelope asked, only now noticing that you two had strayed away from the team.

“they’re probably going at it like rabbits.” derek joked.

“oh gross, why did you say that?” emily said, downing the rest of her glass.

“let’s go find those rascals, i could use the blackmail.” derek got up.

“you go ahead, i’m not trying to see something that i’m not supposed to.” jj waved them off.

“same.” penelope said, with hotch and rossi agreeing with her.

“suit yourself. em, you coming?”

“hell yeah.” she jumped out of her seat.

the two ventured into the hall with rossi’s guest bedrooms, notcing that one fo them had the door slightly opened

“they didn’t even bother to close the door.” derek laughed as he shook his head.

derek readied himself, suddenly barging in through the door, only to see you and spencer sprawled out on the floor and bed, covered in an insane amount of blood.

“holy shit! what the fuck happened?!” emily shouted.

“stop, they’re probably just pulling a prank on us.” he said, nudging your body. you didn’t move, trying your best to hold in your breath.

“oh my god. emily, get some help!” derek panicked as emily froze in place.

“boo!” you and spencer shouted, causing emily to scream and derek to fall to the ground. you both broke into a fit of laughter, ignoring the rest of the team that decided to watch what was happening.

“that was so fucked up.” derek said.

“serves you right for giving spencer that idea to scare me.” you raised your eyebrows at them.

“you’re right, we did deserve it. sorry y/n.” emily surrendered, still trying to catch her breath.

“i’m sorry too. forgive us?” derek sighed.

“like water under the bridge.” you smiled, giving derek and emily bloody kisses on the cheek.

“hey!”

“gross!” they exclaimed in disgust as everyone laughed.

“i love halloween.” rossi smiled.

[yooleestruck]

in which lee rambles about how great writers are

I don’t really know what this is. I don’t know if now is the right time to do this, or a really bad time, or if it makes any sense, but I want to talk about it! I feel like a broken record saying ‘the writing matters most, the writing matters most’ but maybe I need to show what I mean by that? So, here is an attempt. 

I’m sorry not all of these are the same length and not everyone is here, because every time I see that someone is a writer I do try to follow but I don’t always know/remember! Also I am weird about this sort of thing and don’t want to tag people in a monster-long post, so I’m just going to link. I also don’t want to make this a producers vs writers thing, it’s not, it’s just, when I say I notice writer-stuff, an explanation of what, specifically, I mean. 

Writers have a style fingerprint. I’m sure someone with an actual creative writing or English background could describe it all academic-ly, but my ex-chemist ass is just going to call it a fingerprint. 

My first game in Lovestruck was Starship Promise - I love Firefly, I’m a bisexual disaster scientist by education, it fit. But I had been REALLY put off by GIL when it first came out (this was back when they released stories in parts? And the heroine, which I will get to) and though I’d glanced at AFK, I mistrusted it after GIL and Medusa, who was who I was interested in, wasn’t out yet. So I resisted a LONG time.  I finally picked up LS and SP and played it explicitly because a friend said, you need to give this another chance, for a list of specific reasons. 

And when Atlas’s route came out, I read it a stupid number of times. I must have re-read his season 1 & 2 at least eight times apiece (he is still my most read route, despite the fact I have not read his last season because I want to leave the story open-ended)  so when I read Neil Dresner’s route, I recognized the fingerprint. Not only that, when I was reading Jett and the episodes with the paint scene (YOU KNOW THE SCENE) came out, my breath caught with how lovely it was, a particular in-between moment and touch, and even though it wasn’t a phrase I had seen, the style of it, had me re-reading (because it was gorgeous) again and again from the log for like five minutes and I thought, “I bet Melissa wrote this” AND SHE DID. 

Physical touch! (& in-betweens)

Melissa-grey has a particular way of writing about physical touch in very emotional moments that is very real and grounded and ironically the effect is just magical. It creates these so skillful “in between” moments, those little things that aren’t dialogue and aren’t metaphor but SHOW you that this closed off person is cracking for their little ray of sunshine. They are SO subtle and so beautiful, like, the heroine noticing the scent of a pillow, or a softening of an aborted hand movement.  She sets up and executes these moments of physical touch as a conduit for emotional touch with characters who aren’t ready to admit he latter and it’s DELICIOUS. Those little in-betweens are what I live for in story - and it includes all the supporting cast moments, who swell up to make the world feel lived in, and balanced (I loathe love stories where no one else exists! That’s a recipe for disaster, people need networks) I noticed when she stopped writing, and because I missed it, I went and bought the entire Midnight Girl series, as well as Rated (I hope that is flattering and not creepy!) and that style of writing is so unique, that without KNOWING, I picked it up in four separate routes (noticed in Sev’s s1, too!) 

Pacing (& friggen heartache)

Another fingerprint! Ripping your heart out! Arthoure has had me in tears, MULTIPLE TIMES and I get very grouchy about it every time because I am the least sentimental and romantic person that I know (I once MOVED STATES to avoid an ‘I love you’ conversation. I once said ‘yikes’ in response to an ‘I love you’ and I once broke up with someone because I thought he was going to propose. I’m a bitch) but I think it’s because of pacing! I know that producers play a role in that, but that actually makes it more impressive, because making each bit of story feel like it fits precisely the amount of space it needs when you don’t really get a say in how much space that is has got to take a MASSIVE amount of effort. Every little hint, every emotional beat, every character tell, they drop at a consistent build so the emotional payoff is just brutal (in a good, cathartic way?) every time a route makes me cry I wait and see and YEAH ITS ALWAYS ARTHOURE. The sweep and sentiment of Remy’s season 2 is unparalleled. Across Time is gutwrenching, and I actually stopped reading Renzei at one point because I was so emotional over it I had to like, LEGIT TAKE A BREAK to recover. Pacing and heartache. I have to stop and wonder - is it because the routes themselves are so gut-punching? OR is it because she knows how to wring every last emotional drop out of whatever story framework is handed to her? Because, Ezekiel’s villain costume is a bit silly (there I said it, it is) I get the cobra helmet shape in theory but in practice, ooof, but POINT BEING despite being skeptical I’d be able to take his story seriously as a result, I was hiccuping from crying so much (and I am gosh darn adult, in my thirties, with three degrees and a high-stress job at pretty major company. I DON’T CRY EASY)

 Dialogue (& heroines!)

Xekstrin is the gosh damn master of dialogue. Clever, witty banter that doesn’t go where you expect it to, meandering but natural topic changes that are delightful to follow and feel real, and--special shoutout for this, okay--the navigation of viscerally important topics like consent, kink, self-worth, power in relationships, self-sacrifice, and apologies in a way that is not stilted or forced at all (listen, I know Viv & Lyris are the most recent and they are amazing but I remember this first hit me when I was reading Astraeus, and I spent half the route with my jaw on the floor going, oh shit,  oh shit. The communication! The navigation of the complexity of emotion going on, chef’s kiss! Casual isn’t the right word, but, natural, maybe?). I don’t actually take that many screenshots of the app--it’s usually single lines that get me--but when I do, they are almost always conversations from one of her routes, because they’re so damn good, and often so unexpected, and yet always make such perfect sense for the characters involved. Dialogue is SO HARD OKAY. Actually try and transcribe a conversation sometime, it’s nuts how people talk vs how most people write people talking. Xekstrin also writes some of my absolute favorite MCs, and going back to fingerprints, I was reading Lyris s1 and right there in the first tavern scene, as we were following along with the heroine’s thoughts I went, ah, yes, I know who you belong to and I am SO EXCITED. Being able to give the heroine unique thoughts and quirks, to make her genuinely relatable, without overriding the necessary template of the genre dictates, is a skill all of its own. But I love her MCs! There is a beautiful balance of compassion, competence, and dash of bratty, wild, fun mischief. I can actually cheer for them. I can actually get behind them. I WANT the love interest to flop at their feet for who they are, not just because the story says so. And that comes from how the heroine’s thoughts are written, from her phrasing in conversations, how she sees situations, not just a producer saying ‘she is a strong lead who is self conscious about her ears and she’s nervous in the council meeting’ or whatever. I AM REALLY STRUGGLING to articulate this if you can’t tell from how long I have been blathering. Maybe this - the heroine is the same across every route, presumably, yes? Everyone has the same base. I NEVER question, when xekstrin is writing, why the love interest falls in love with her. Side note - I had hard written off GIL after a bad experience with the standalone app. I only read Aurora BECAUSE I learned she wrote it, and I would have SO MISSED OUT otherwise.

A complete aside in which Lee grumbles about heroines and not writers!

(Complete side vent: Often, the heroine is, if not a blank slate, a sort of collection of assigned traits, and she often remains so unless the story demands she become otherwise. Which is fine! I don’t personally, but I know a lot of folks self-insert, and so erring towards that makes sense. Almost all the otome I’ve played were originally written for a Japanese audience. When I played original Voltage games, starting back in 2014, I always had to remind myself - different culture, different culture, different culture, and it was not possible for me to relate to most of the heroines. I still enjoyed the stories, but I rarely cheered for the heroine’s romance, especially in some of the slice of life stories. I understood her, but I rarely wanted her to get with the love interest, I wanted her success to come in other ways! Another game company, Cybird, tried to ‘Americanize’ their heroine to IMO disastrous effect - it was such a stereotype, and made no sense since they didn’t also Americanize the context, so she come across as, frankly, ridiculous. And frankly, Voltage’s GIL heroine REEKED OF THAT. When they first posted her on social media I was legitimately annoyed about it, like could you lean into this more? I think not. So when I talk about being able to relate to and cheer for the heroine, it’s a big deal, because my blatant mistrust of Voltage and their ability to craft a heroine I could tolerate was a BIG factor in how long it took me to give Lovestruck a try. I was willing to tolerate it in translated stories, I was so skeptical of -en only ones.) 

Metaphors (& balance)

literacouture writes beautiful metaphors for connection between humans! I’m really bad at keeping track of who writes what, but I purposefully kept an eye out on tumblr after reading Cal’s route, because there were some lines that were pure poetry, and I wanted to keep an eye out for more. It is HARD to spin metaphors prettily without delving into trite, painful, purple prose cringe territory, and it’s navigated beautifully in Cal’s route. There’s a balance between those spin-out moments and things that are tangible and anchoring and make it feel authentic and unique to the two characters involved, instead of just ‘I am trying to make this sound romantic and this is a romantic phrase so here it is’. That balance is really necessary. You NEED the mundane alongside the metaphor or it doesn’t feel authentic. Also. Trying really hard to write this without throwing any authors or producers under the bus, but...listen. I love Sin with Me. But the world logic (or LACK THEREOF) drives me up a wall. I don’t read Cal because of his character traits or sprite or (sigh) his story. I read him because literacouture writes a beautiful romance.

 So anyway...

There are more! When I am less tired and don’t have meetings, I will try and write them up (Please know there are so many routes I love, and so many things I do recognize across chapters! I don’t even HAVE words for what theivorytowercrumbles accomplished with Helena’s story not to mention how much I adore Cyprin,  SummerLightning’s handling of Onyx’s past relationship was so deftly done when it could have so quickly become ‘milk abuse for plot’ and joidecombat gave Sev a fresh, mischievous energy and navigated the dream/reality line with SUCH skill, and so on and so on.)

I’ve written a lot of reviews. And I try to give nods where I feel they’re due - sometimes, it really is obvious that the whole team’s work came together to makes something great, the world, the plot, the arc, the art, the words, and the music all fit into place in a  well-crafted tour de force. And sometimes one piece or another is lacking, and I’ll admit I’ve left some...less than kind reviews to that end (I try and soften it, because I know there are humans on the other side of everything, but I’ve been harsh more than once with my opinions).  I’ve read routes with plots that made me want to tear my hair out because I DO value consistency and logic to a degree, even if I’m going to accept at face value that, say, space travel is a thing or demons turn to sand when stabbed. 

In the end, these are romance stories. So I will let a lot slide when it comes to plot. What sells a story are the words - not the outline.

And if Voltage doesn’t believe that - just remember that Hamlet existed long, long before Shakespeare wrote it. His was the version that lasted, because the people liked it best. The plot, the world, the characters, they all existed a hundred times over. Even just look at fan translations of manga. Why do people keep translating, even if someone else has? Because the words someone else picked don’t do the story justice. 

I don’t know. I’m talking in circles because I don’t know my own thesis! 

Maybe it’s just - the worlds these stories in are nice. But when I say I’m a fan of something, the premise is like. 10%. The rest is the writing.