#is this unreality? i know some people are uncomfortable with unreality so i should probably tag that sort of thing

[irbcallmefynn]

Remember to compliment your favorite weird person regularly. Weird people actually gain +2 to all stats for 5 turns when complimented and it doesn't even consume your action so there's literally no reason not to. Like you are actually playing suboptimally if you don't compliment your favorite weird person.

[fallenrain40]

okay but like. genuinely its very annoying trying to look deeper into my aromantic side. lots of ranting below cut.

becuase if I look too hard I start to see that yeah... I'm actually more on the spectrum of aromantic than actually just aro, but at the same time I'm like. terrified of ever being in a relationship. even if I do realize it's not something that I can't ever feel at all, it's just something I have a lot of realllyyy complicated feelings and fear towards. but YES, I am still aromantic no matter what you think cause 1. I said I am, and 2. being aro is a spectrum. and I still have no idea what the heck a crush is?? or feeling attraction towards people?? like I think... even if I CAN love it's really not in a way that's understandable or able to put into words like "crush" or "attraction". because I just don't feel those things. do I feel love?? I don't really know. I just know I feel something. and that's all I know. and its also annoying cause, I feel like it also makes it harder for me to explain how I'm a sex-repulsed ace. I feel like there was always this expectation around aces that, even though we may not want sex, "if you have a partner you need to make them happy which means doing things you dont want-" JUST. NO. IM SICK AND TIRED OF SEEING THAT TAKE. I understand some aces don't mind it. but it should not be something you expect of us. that's just messed up and I shouldn't have to explain why. ...I feel like some of the fear I have around romance is from the fact its often associated with sex and because I'm so far on the repulsed side of being ace, it drives me away from even thinking about romance at all. it drives me away from the idea of EVER being in a relationship because I don't want anything to do with that specific part of it. I feel like I'm too specific, I feel like I have far too many boundaries, too many conditions, that I couldn't ever be in a relationship because of how many things I'm uncomfortable with, that literally no one would really want to deal with me being like that. I feel like, to have someone be with me would be WRONG because I don't want to put them through all of what I am. I don't know if I could ever BELIEVE that someone would WANT to be with me when there's so much that I could not do, simply because I would hate doing those things. And at the same time, what if I did become more comfortable with romantic love? I probably wouldn't, but what if I did, and the other person was not? it just seems impossible to ever find someone who would be okay with it either way. it seems like I'd either have to be disappointing someone, or end up driving them away. and even if they said that they don't mind, how would I be able to believe that they really mean it? and how would I find someone like that that I ALSO feel connected to?? It almost seems the deeper I look, the more I find that I feel like- I just don't believe in it. I don't believe I could ever work with anyone. And again I- don't even get crushes? or attraction? so i don't understand why I'm even thinking about this? its like... yeah maybe if the literal Perfect Being existed, someone who could put up with the way that I am, but, they don't. and I wouldn't feel attraction for them anyways so WHY does it matter? I don't know. It all just seems so. Unreal. It's difficult to tell where the line between "this is because im aromantic" and "this is becuase I am feeling self-hatred again" sits

[goldensunset]

i’m thinking thinking how like… it’s sad how so little information about daybreak town, the foretellers, the keyblade war, and the dandelions has survived to this day. it’s probably bc there were just so few people left immediately following daybreak’s destruction who would’ve possibly known anything that could be passed on. i mean ephemer basically had to take care of refounding a society and passing on precepts singlehandedly

and like while it could just be that a lot of historical information was lost over the generations in scala, i also feel like when the entire society basically worships ephemer, they’re gonna take good care to keep tabs on everything he says and writes. so did he just not say a lot? was he uncomfortable with going into detail about the truth of the war and daybreak’s destruction? the friends he once knew? was he trying to bury his pain and let his memories be lost to history?

point is like there should be an easy way for ventus, skuld (if she is subject x), lauriam and elrena (if she doesn’t already know lol) to remember who they are. like it should be as simple as finding some historical records somewhere. but either ephemer like took his painful secrets and memories to his grave, the worlds are so scattered and broken up that that information simply isn’t present anymore. either that or a whole lot of modern-day people are gatekeeping the knowledge from others for dubious purposes (like xemnas, xigbar, possibly eraqus himself)

plus, it’s not entirely just ephemer who would’ve known things. brain shows up a few centuries later with information from the age of fairytales fresh in his mind since no time has passed for him. and luxu of course has surely been hanging around the entire time, but i’m guessing wouldn’t want to share much information with anyone on purpose

however, there is surviving information in the modern day about the age of fairytales that almost certainly could’ve only come from luxu. such as the lost masters allegedly having crossed over into unreality (<- what yen sid says in melody of memory) or the concept of the ‘true darknesses’ that overtook them (<- what odin says to vidar) ephemer might have figured out the concept of ‘true darkness’ based on the ending of ux but he wouldn’t have been able to determine anything about the numbers, nor would he know that that’s what happened to the foretellers.

so! luxu might have told all that stuff to someone himself in scala (including eph himself) or he might’ve told brain back in daybreak town. but for sure he played a hand in passing down select relevant information. but not all of it. quite interesting

[seiya234]

for @dril-cipher because this is your fucking fault. also @marypsue for giving this perfectly good ape anxiety.

-----

Ian looked around.

Well, this certainly wasn't his beautiful house, that was for certain.

It looked uncomfortably like one of the designs for Grauntie Carla's house that Worris did for MTM. He sat at a kitchen table that had clearly been handmade by someone who mostly knew what they were doing; the table had been sanded down and sealed, but the surface was still bumpy and uneven. The walls were dressed with plaid wallpaper and covered in pictures, paintings, taxidermied creatures both real and unreal, old bottles, and a Bobby Big Mouth Big Boi Big Bass that had been popular when his grandparents were alive. The rug underneath him was a t-shirt rug, but Ian never knew they could be made big enough to cover an entire room. There was a cup of coffee poured for him, in a cup that read "Eye miss you!"

Ian sighed. This place was practically crumbling under the weight of all the meaning.

"I am getting a little tired of the Symbolism Room," he muttered to himself.

"Have you considered that a plain, empty room is in and of itself also imbued with symbolism?"

Ian whipped around.

A cartoonishly tall man walked into the kitchen. He was dressed in all black- black jeans, black dress shirt, black belt with a small silver and turquoise buckle- save for the white priest's collar around his neck. He had hair just like Ian's, albeit curlier, bare feet, and-

"Antlers?" Ian asked. It was probably rude but he was getting really tired of the Dreams of Great Import so....

"A long story," the man said with a grin, sitting across from Ian at the table. He too had a mug, though his read "I'm horny!" He caught Ian looking at it and smiled wanly. "My wife loved puns, though to be honest this isn't a pun so much as a bad joke."

(past tense)

Ian took a drink of his coffee; it was aggressively mediocre. "Alright, can you tell me why I'm here, so we can resolve whatever emotional issue has come up again, and I can get back to my regularly scheduled nothingness?"

Ian's words didn't get the slightest rise out of the other man which was... concerning. He worked best when people were mad.

"Certainly. I'm here because you're scared."

"I'm scared of a lot of things, you're going to need to try harder than that."

The man paused to take a drink of his coffee, grimacing slightly at the taste, then leaned back in his chair. "I'm here because when you get into the groove for Mizar the Magnificent, everything feels right in a way you don't feel most other times. I'm here because sometimes you turn off your prosthetic because it feels... right to only have the one eye. I'm here because... despite everyone assuring you that Bill can't come back, that you can't bring him back, you know that's not true." Another drink. "It would just take you fifteen minutes, if that."

Ian felt the blood drain from his face, spread his hands on the table to keep them from shaking.

He hadn't told even Mira about the first two things.

"Congratulations," Ian managed to drawl, "you know my deepest, darkest fears. Have a fucking cookie." It took some effort but he pushed himself back from the table, got out of the chair. "I'm done with this little game, so snooze you later, hit the road Jack, GO-"

The antlered man held up a hand. It was wreathed in blue flame, like the fire from a room he tried not to think about, like Alcor's fire

(like MY fire)

like the fire he felt blazing in lieu of his implant.

"Who are you?" Ian asked.

"I'm Henry. Henry Pines."

"I- oh." Well that was all the wind out of his sails right there. "Okay, wasn't expecting you to actually just tell me that, I thought there would be at least another two pages of banter before we got there. Thanks?"

"Of course."

"Though that name means like, nothing to me."

"Ah. I should have k-"

Henry disappeared. Ian was still in the room.

A minute passed.

He drank his coffee, which was now getting cold and sludgy.

"Oh, sorry about that."

Ian jumped, again, and turned around to face Henry, who was still barefoot and all in black, but now had laundry hanging from his antlers. "Seriously, I know this narrative calls for jump scares, but can you try to stop that?"

"My apologies. I'm still being digested."

"Digested-" Ian paused.

The blue fire.

The antlers.

The girl told him about one night.

"You're... you're Paloma."

A flash of long dark hair and flowering antlers and back to the man in black. "Among many other names, but yes."

"So when you say digested..."

"Di-Alcor ate me."

"He what."

Henry very primly sniffed. "I can see how my phrasing can be taken as a reference to oral sex but could we please attend to the matter at hand?"

"Which is? I feel like we're wildly off track."

"Fair. More coffee?"

Ian held out his mug and Henry poured from a handmade pitcher that somehow managed to perfectly recreate the effect of googly eyes in clay.

They sat for a moment, and drank their coffee, which was slightly better this time.

Finally, Henry began. "M-Mira is pregnant."

"She is... Oh stars is this going to be a weird fatherhood talk? Because full disrespect, I've gotten one of these from Alcor and that was bad enough."

"What on God's green earth did Di- Alcor have to say to you about that?"

"I think he was trying to tell me I would do a good job, but he ended up damning me with faint praise for about fifteen minutes and then ghosted me so, a solid 3 out of 10, points for effort I guess."

Henry frowned. "I am a little concerned that my- that he hasn't learned any social graces or niceties in a thousand years, or has willfully forgotten them-"

"It's not that," and now Ian just felt... cold. Empty. "It's Bill. It's always about Bill, always fucking WILL BE-"

"Your hair is on fire," Henry calmly noted.

It didn't feel like it was. That probably wasn't a good sign.

"Every time I think we're done with him, done and gone, something comes up, and we have to have the same conversation over and over and OVER-"

Ian ran a hand through the flames on his head. "And the worse thing is, this time it's all me. I can't stop thinking about Bill. And the baby. And what that means. Maybe it means nothing. Or everything. And Bill, Bill is like an itch under my skin

(a fire)

and the more I itch it, the itchier I become, and I can't. Stop. Thinking. About Me. No. Shit, wait. Him. Do you See?"

The room was silent for a minute.

"I held a knife to her throat once," Ian finally managed to get out. "Infants, they're so, so much easier than adults. Their bodies are so soft and squishy." He looked at Henry, who had been patiently listening, hands folded, collar white as bone. "I have no idea why I'm telling you any of this."

"I have been told by my wife before that I have a 'secret telling kind of face.'"

"Sounds like something Mira would say."

Henry smiled wanly, but went on. "I'm here because I know what all of this feels like."

"I sincerely doubt that."

"No, honestly, I do. I thought you could use an ear and some advice-."

That old familiar feeling of squirrels eating his brain, of his heart stuttering in his chest, the great massive snarl barely contained in his skin up and out and "You have no idea what I need to keep inside of me."

Henry reached across the table, and laid a hand on Ian's arm and-

(ian was in a forest. it was dark and he tried to walk, tried to run, but he couldn't he was pushed down face first into the dirt from the feeling of anger, anger that at one point may have had a reason behind but that reason was long forgotten and now the anger was a self feeding, self regulating beast

ian was in a forest and he felt small, so horrifically small, so viscerally aware that there were things (people) that could hurt him, hurt him and even kill him, and nothing or no one in the forest would DO anything about it.

ian was in a forest and rising above him was a tree but haha not really that wasn't a tree that was a beast a monster a thing no it was

Death.)

-patted it gently.

Or at least, Henry would have if Ian was still sitting at the table, and not, say, with his back against the wall and his chair toppled to the side of the table.

"You're-"

"I was. He came from me. I birthed him."

Even shit scared, Ian must have given Henry a look, because Henry said "Metaphorically. I've never gotten the full details about how that works because to be perfectly honest, Alcor doesn't even know."

Henry got up, and walked around the table.

"Hand up?"

"You going to inflict yet another horrific mental scar on me?"

"No. And my apologies. I really need to be better about telling, not showing." Henry paused. "Or is it the other way around? I am a little embarrassed to admit that despite my occupation, I am not well versed in the mechanics of storytelling."

"It depends," Ian said, and let himself be hauled up.

"It's... hard," Henry began as they sat back at the table. "To have to control yourself. To feel like if you loosen that control for even one second, all hell will break loose. Especially when you have had all hell break loose before."

A dark look passed across Henry's face, and Ian remembered that there were limbs on those limbs in the forest.

A lot of them.

"I tried, for several years, to keep myself as tamped down as firmly as possible. And even before-" he waved a hand to indicate the antlers, the weird dreamscape symbolism bullshit room- "all of this, I kept fighting myself, every single day, to stay in control. Because control was all I had. Because control was the only thing that could save myself, could keep me from harming others."

"Okay, so what extremely traumatic life changing event happened to you that made you change your mind?"

"I won't bore you with the details, save to say I have never liked trophy hunters. But I realized in that time that my control.. it was brittle steel. It was weak from having to hold in so much, for so long, and then it shattered under stress."

"Okay, but most people don't have monsters tucked up in their souls."

"Fair but look. The point is, the power you have inside of you. It's not inherently good or bad- let me finish Ian Thomas Beale-"

(Ian's mouth audibly snapped shut)

"- it just is. Bill used his power for ill. Just because that power is there doesn't mean you have to use it. Or if you do, that it would be for ill."

"That's too much like temptation for me," Ian finally said, quietly.

"I know. I'm not saying you have to. Hell, I'm not even saying that this dream is going to magically cure you of your fears and control issues-"

"Because that would be too easy."

Henry nodded. "Oh of course. My apologies, I am all over the place today-"

"On account of being digested."

"Yes, lets go with that. No, I guess I just wanted to say, as trite as it sounds... try to relax."

"What if I hurt them?"

Henry rolled his eyes, which was a little incongruous with the impression Ian had gotten from him. "There is no universe where Ian Beale as he is now, would hurt Mira Ramachandran, or their baby. Honestly, you're more likely to hurt other people who hurt them, which probably is not great, but I am certainly not one to judge."

(so many limbs)

"I have literally been under tremendous stress my whole life, even before finding out about the past life murder triangle."

"Trust me, I know. But just... from one monster to another? It's okay to relax. It's okay to let that control loosen for a minute. The world won't end-"

"But it almost did. Twice. Maybe three times? It's hard for me to remember."

"But it didn't."

Ian... he must have looked as lost as he felt, because Henry smiled, sadly.

"I know you hear this from Mira, and from your friends, and even occasionally from Alcor, but I thought it would help to hear it from a stranger too."

Ian thought for a second.

"I think... it kind of did? Or maybe I'm just saying this to get out of this dream because I'm getting tired of talking. I don't know."

"You probably won't remember this dream up here-" Henry tapped his head. "-but you will here-" and he tapped his chest. "-and that's all that really matters to me."

"That's kind of corny."

"I was not a corny man when I was alive, let me indulge a little bit."

Henry leaned over, and gently kissed Ian on the forehead. "Keep her safe."

Ian realized, far too late, who he had been really, truly talking to this whole time, and it felt like his bowels were turning to water. But he managed to creak out an "Of course," before everything went dark.

---

The last few weeks had been hard for Mira, considering the massive amount of emotional labor she was doing for both her brother and her husband. Alcor was probably a lost cause at this point, but with Ian...

She sighed.

She understood, really, she did, but she was tired and-

"Hey."

She rolled over, to see Ian looking at her. "Hey back. You seem... relaxed?"

Ian smiled, and laid a hand on her stomach, which was still relatively flat.

"Yeah. I don't know I think... I think I've had my head up my ass for the last month, about all of this."

"You have."

"And I owe you an apology."

"Apology accepted if you can grab the peanut butter for me before I throw up."

"Of course."

Ian got up. He wasn't sure why it felt like the fire under his skin had died down, why it felt like he could handle his shit a little better today than even yesterday, but for once, he was not going to look this gift horse in the mouth.

[shinysam29]

First Love - Yosuke x Claude (OC)

Lord this took forever and idk how to feel about it. Anyways, enjoy this.

“Come on now, don’t bring her into this!” Yosuke exclaimed with red cheeks as Yu teased him about his latest crush on this first year. “She’s just cute, leave me alone. It’s not like you haven’t been drooling over Chie. That’s where I don’t understand you man.”

“I’m just glad I’ve kept my crush hidden from you both.” Claude said with a smile, blue eyes shining behind his glasses when Yosuke met his gaze.

“Huh? You have a crush on someone?!” Yosuke slammed his hands on the table when he jumped up, leaning over the table. “Spill it, Claude! Who’s the lucky girl?”

“Girl?” Claude tilted his head, pursing his lips a bit in confusion. “It’s- It’s not a girl…”

“What- OH!” Yosuke’s eyebrows shot towards the sky as he leaned back away from Claude with a sudden sense of uncomfortableness. “You, uh- You’re into guys?”

“… I am…” Claude frowned a bit as he noticed Yosuke’s instant reaction to the reveal of this fact. “Is there something wrong with that..?”

“What? Pssh! No!” Yosuke’s words seemed forced and nervous as he waved his hand at Claude. “You can like what you like. Just stay away from my ass, okay?”

“Yosuke!” Yu furrowed his eyebrows as he slapped Yosuke’s head. “Idiot! Don’t be rude.”

“Sorry! It’s just- I want him to know I don’t swing that way!” Yosuke exclaimed with red cheeks as his heart rate sped up. “No offense Claude. I hope you-“

Yosuke’s words died on his tongue as he looked at the distraught look on Claude’s face. His blue eyes brimmed with tears and his freckled face was red. Yosuke winced at the sharp twang in his chest at the sight of him.

“Hey- Claude I didn’t mean it like that. It was a joke.” Yosuke forced a laugh as he reached across the table without thinking. “Don’t cry… You better not cry!”

Claude yanked his hand back when Yosuke grabbed it, Yosuke himself yanking his back also as his heart pounded in his chest. Yosuke watched as Claude stood up quickly, knocking his chair over in the process before a few tears fell.

“Stop it.” Claude’s voice cracked with sorrow, tears streaming down his cheeks now. “Stop it! You’re just like everyone else! You’re just going to shove me away and call me names all because I like something a little different! You’re going to treat me like shit all because I love a man. Well, maybe I don’t even like my crush anymore. Maybe I’m over it because he’s just like the rest of the people who always picked on me for who I was.”

“Claude-“ Yosuke reached out to him again but Claude slapped his hand away.

“I can’t believe I let myself fall for you.” Claude’s words were cold as his tears continued to fall while gathering his stuff. “Just leave me be. Don’t talk to me.”

Claude finished grabbing his things and ran towards his home. Yosuke stood there watching in shock as Claude’s words registered in his brain.

“What?” Yosuke couldn’t grasp what he was thinking, the idea of Claude liking him so unreal it was fucking up his thought process.

“Dude, that was so uncalled for.” Yu spoke in an angry tone. “Claude likes you, Yosuke. You just kinda took that knowledge and threw it in a shredder with your statement.”

“He- No way!” Yosuke’s face was more red as he looked at Yu. “You’re being for real?!”

“Yes, idiot. You really didn’t notice? Your dumb joke probably hurt way more than you think.” Yu said as he stood up. “I’m going to try and find Claude. You should probably go back to work.”

“What? No! I want to find him!” Yosuke asked with a red face, heart aching. “He- I need to apologize!”

“Then do it. Go apologize.” Yu said, looking at Yosuke. “And maybe take some time to think for yourself how you feel.”

“What? How I feel?” Yosuke furrowed his eyebrows as he took his apron off. “How do I feel..?”

“Exactly, stupid. Go.” Yu shoved Yosuke forward causing him to stumble before the brunette took off sprinting.

“Come on, Claude.” Yosuke muttered to himself as he ran, frantically searching for the blonde boy. “Where did you- Oh! I know!”

Yosuke sprinted faster towards the little dessert shop Claude took him to a few times before.

‘He told me it was his favorite place.’ Yosuke thought as he panted hard, exhausted from all the running. ‘I hope he’s there.’

Yosuke threw the doors to the little shop open, the few couples inside snapped their attention to him as he walked in all sweaty and breathing heavily. His brown eyes frantically searched the faces in the room before glimpsing a familiar tuft of blonde hair tucked away in the back corner of the room.

“There he is…” Yosuke sighed out in relief as he made his way over, heart clenching at the sound of sobs coming from Claude. “Hey…”

Claude’s body tensed as he slowly turned his head, tears on his face and blue eyes bloodshot. He was shocked to see Yosuke here.

“You followed me..?” Claude muttered, voice broken due to the crying he’s been doing.

“No, I just know you.” Yosuke gave a small smile before pushing himself into the booth next to Claude. “Look, I'm sorry… I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, it was a joke.”

“Yeah, well that joke hurt.” Claude frowned as he looked at him, cheeks red from how Yosuke was right up against him. “I’ve dealt with people treating me this way ever since they found out. When I met you I didn’t think much of it; you were cute, funny, and you’re loyal to your friends. I love all of that about you and I was going to take my time and ask you out once I found out if you were even into guys but clearly you aren’t.”

As Claude rambled and went on about how he felt with a few tears falling, Yosuke just stared at him, listening to everything. The brunette pouted a bit as he brought his hands up to Claude’s cheek, cupping his face and leaning close.

“Wha- Yosuke?!” Claude’s face was red as he pushed on his chest. “Stop, don’t tease me!”

“No.” Yosuke whispered as he pressed their foreheads together, nuzzling his nose on Claude’s. “I’m not teasing. I’m doing what I should’ve done earlier.”

“What do you-“ Claude’s heart nearly stopped as Yosuke pressed his lips against his as long, slender fingers threaded into blonde locks.

Yosuke’s eyes were closed as he kissed Claude tenderly, combing through his hair gently. Claude was stunned in utter shock and disbelief. Yosuke was kissing him. The man he had feelings for was reciprocating them for once. Warmth bloomed in his chest as he allowed himself to melt into the feeling. Claude’s hands rested on Yosuke’s thigh as the brunette deepened the kiss by opening his mouth.

Claude’s tongue slid against his as he pulled Yosuke closer in the booth, ignoring gasps from other customers at the sight. Yosuke pulled back after a while, the brunette’s face to turning bright red.

“I’m sorry!” Yosuke blurted out with a red face. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t ask, you told me to stop and I-“

Claude kissed him again, cupping Yosuke’s cheek this time. He smiled and adjusted his glasses after pulling away from his lips again.

“I’m happy. You make me happy.” Claude spoke softly, holding Yosuke’s hand tightly. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me and even if you had made a stupid joke I forgive you and I still love you.”

“I think I feel the same. I’m just- I’m new to these emotions, especially with a guy.” Yosuke was nervous with Claude now leaning so close to him. “You’re just so cute and your eyes make me lose my breath and you- Ah! You’re too cute!”

Yosuke engulfed Claude in a hug, kissing his nose and whining. Claude chuckled a bit and smiled at him gently. His blue eyes held so much love for the man in front of him.

“We can keep things slow. I don’t want to scare you off.” Claude smiled and rested his forehead on Yosuke’s. “But I’m just so happy you feel the same way.”

“I’m happy too, but what will we tell the others? Yu already knew what was going on but not anyone else.” Yosuke blushed a bit at the thought. “Kanji won’t let me hear the end of this…”

Claude laughed and moved closer to Yosuke, humming.

“All in good time. Like I said, we take it slow. Not everyone needs to know right now.” Claude whispered to him, nuzzling his cheek.

“Okay. I’ll just follow your lead.” Yosuke said with a loving smile. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you, Yosuke.” Claude mumbled as they finally got approached by a server and got to order, this little excursion becoming their first official date.

[bitchcraftmagic]

Every day I become more and more fearful of the growing conspiracy world. My own parents have fallen down the rabbit hole of the conspiracy force fed to them through the false reality created by fascistic media conglomerates. TikTok girlies spout strange delusions about the constant threat of kidnapping by a shadowy sex trafficking ring. Even people going on and on about the Mandela effect nonsense make me want to scream. In a world with ever mounting real world issues so many people would prefer to live in imaginary terror beyond their control.

I am, by nature, an extremely credulous person. I am hard pressed to believe in anything beyond the tangible. But that doesn’t mean I am beyond conspiratorial thinking, on the contrary it can make me more dogged in my more outlandish beliefs. I am my father’s child in this way. But what makes the difference, what makes me less inclined to conspiracy is my ability, my desire, to explore discomfort. I want to know, I want to understand, the things that make me uncomfortable. Conspiracy requires a slavish devotion to comfort.

Conspiracy only thrives because it is affirmation. The Mandela effect only captures the imagination because it’s harder to digest that human memory is very fallible and usually not that accurate at all. You remember the Berenstain Bears wrong because you were a child and children aren’t very good at reading or remembering things. People remember Mandela dying in the 90s because he was released from prison around that time and big news about non-Western world leaders usually has to do with their death. It was in the news, people weren’t that checked in especially in the US because we are generally self centered assholes and they assumed the big news was that he died. The end. Believing in alternate timelines is easier than confronting your own faults. It’s so much easier to say “oh that was a glitch in the Matrix” than to admit that you’re not good at remembering things and you didn’t really care that much about Nelson Mandela, a person you should probably care about. It’s comfortable. Realizing you were kind of an oblivious asshole is not.

It feels like a “harmless” conspiracy at the end of the day. So what? Thinking about the multi-verse is fun! Right? Except the reality we live in right now is important and real and happening around us and needs attention. The existence of a world where children’s stories go by a slightly different name is irrelevant and, frankly, not as interesting as you think it is. We are experiencing THIS reality. Not anything else. Falling into the trap that our inconsistent memory is good, actually, gets us into trouble. Human memory is faulty. Very faulty. So faulty that it can’t be taken too seriously. It gets people convicted of crimes they didn’t commit. It gets them killed. It causes people to dispute reality because we remember emotions better than we remember lived truth. The sooner we reckon with the fact that our memory needs to be questioned, needs to be taken with a grain of salt, the sooner we can tackle some real world shit. But that’s uncomfy, and it’s hard. It’s so much easier to be sure in our memory.

I had a friend in college who used to like to get me worked up by talking about the Matrix as if it were real. And it worked. It could still work, honestly. It is, to me, the most frustrating conspiracy because it is utterly meaningless. We are living in this reality. We are experiencing this world. The “simulation” doesn’t change a thing! I still experienced grief. I still experience trauma, joy, love, fury, desperation, humor, ecstasy, and pain. It doesn’t matter whether it was “real” and if we live in this false sense of unreality what motivates us to change? To experience and explore the discomfort of our reality if it isn’t even real? It’s so much more comfortable to think that I can’t make a significant change in the world because it isn’t even real. And aren’t all the people trying to make the world better hilarious! Don’t the know it doesn’t matter! Don’t they know nothing matters! What dumb assholes, huh?

God, it makes my blood fucking boil.

I could talk about QANON or other more prominent and starkly awful conspiracies but I think most folks who aren’t consumed by the right wing media understand is dangerous and foolish. But I find it more important to talk about these less focused conspiracies. They are not discussed, usually, with much negativity because they are “fun” and “interesting” but at the end of the day they achieve the same goal as other more obviously dangerous conspiracy theories. They divorce you from reality, from lived experience. They paralyze you from trying to make real and effective change. They let you live in a strange comfort, that it is all out of your control, that there is another world where other things run smoothly I’m just not living there any longer. There is no other world there is only this imperfection. But we can change it, we can shift the needle but in order to do that we need to live here and no where else. The fantasy must die. Discomfort needs to be embraced if there is any hope of making this world a better one to be in.

[ratmonky]

Tangible Phantom

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: non-con, invisible smexy time, stalking, breeding, mild gore

AO3 Link

The internet was a magnificent invention of humankind. It made everything easier. At the same time, it was accessible to almost anyone and it brought people together.

There were so many things one could find by typing some letters on a browser and with a click of a mouse.

Whether it be cute animal videos you could share with your friends, porn to watch late at night as your fingers slid inside your panties beneath the sheets, or disturbing images of people who had or were taking their last breath. You could find it all on the internet.

Morbid curiosity led you to the furthest parts of the internet like on strange websites where you could find pictures of deformed bodies.

There wasn’t any explanation on why they had been deformed like that but their death cause was all the same, heart failure.

Although you weren’t anything more than a normal citizen, you felt like what you were doing was wrong. Looking at those images and scrolling down to see more of the distorted faces of what used to be people who had a family, a life, and goals that you would never know about should have been enough to make you click away. Yet, you always found yourself logging into your laptop every night to check if there were more.

It wasn’t illegal nor it was hurting anyone. It was just… unethical. Somewhat felt like you were feeling guilty of what happened even though you had nothing to do with any of these people.

Nevertheless, it made you wonder if you would feel the same way if those people were someone you knew. Or if it were you.

Pfft.

As if that would ever happen.

~~~

It was a late night when you were walking the same route to your place with your mind clouded by what to eat once you got home. The streets were rather silent at this time of the night, no cars passed or a single soul was outside, so the only noise was your footsteps that echoed in the empty street.

Although you were only about a full two minutes away from arriving at your place, you suddenly stopped in shock when you saw a dark figure sitting in the dark under the bridge you had to walk through.

Alone at night, standing stiffly in the dark, looking desperately down at your phone screen and then to the man, you considered turning back and walking to the nearest bus station. You could stay at your friend’s place again rather than take your chance to walk past someone who looked like a predator waiting for its prey.

You considered calling one of your friends and being on the phone with them until you arrived home. Decidedly, you called your friend’s phone but they didn’t answer. If it was them calling you, you would answer right away, they knew how you didn’t call anyone without a reason.

While the phone was ringing again, you kept muttering under your breath about how much you were going to yell at them once they answered you but they never picked up.

Your other friend wasn’t in town and you could never call your friend to ask if her brother could escort you to your place again, you only made everyone question your sanity when you asked for favors like that.

You made everyone around you uncomfortable, they think you were out of your mind. Why were you so scared of walking past a possibly homeless man?

This was why most of your friends hated you, this was why they didn’t answer your calls anymore.

Huffing in annoyance and disappointment, you put your phone against your ear to pretend to be on the phone with your father as you started walking again.

The man noticed you, you saw his head moving when the sound of your footsteps alarmed him of your presence, all of his attention was on you now.

You tried ignoring the instincts that told you to turn back and run away.

It was probably just a homeless man.

There was no way that he would try to do anything to you.

You were just overreacting like you always did.

You refused to acknowledge the man’s existence as you increased your speed to pass him as soon as possible and go on with your night like you weren’t already having a panic attack.

The man was doing nothing but watching you intently, he hadn’t moved.

Yeah, you were just overreacting before.

“Yes, I’ll be home soon, dad! I’m walking!” you started basically yelling, hoping that your acting was believable.

Maybe not.

The man got up, blocking your path.

Startled, your hand gripped tighter on your purse and you started yelling to your phone. “Dad! Can you come outside the building and wait for me?! I’m right around the corner once I pass the bridge!”

You were scared to look at the man. As if you didn’t notice him getting up, you ignored his presence and tried to walk around him but he stepped to the side to block your way again.

This time, your lips started trembling in fear, you actually were believing you were talking to your father. “Dad, I’m scared, please come get me!”

“I can see that you’re not on the phone,” a husky voice said. “Your phone screen is lit up.”

You shrieked upon him talking to you. When his hand reached for your face, you jerked away and took a couple of steps back.

“Don’t touch me!” you screamed, your eyes finally meeting his eyes that were sparkling with vicious intent. “I’ll call the police!”

Ignoring your threat, he took a step closer towards you which only made you panic more.

You looked for an exit. To your right was a concrete wall and to your left was the large sewer gate. Running past the man was impossible.

“Stay away from me!” You turned on your heels to make a bolt towards the sewers but the man was faster than you. He grabbed you by your hair and pulled your back flush against his chest.

You started to scream as you struggled in the man’s hold. It was barely midnight, someone would hear your screams for help.

Normally an attacker would chicken out if their victim was struggling and screaming this much but your attacker seemed to not have a care in the world if he would get caught or not.

As he started dragging you towards the sewer gate, you shook your body violently, kicking helplessly in the air and yelling on top of your lungs.

He started shushing you and clapped a hand over your mouth to keep you quiet while proceeded to drag you further inside the sewers.

This was the end, wasn’t it?

~~~

On a regular night, Mahito usually read his book to the sounds of the rats or the water splashing sounds in the sewers. The steady and faint noises were enough to lull him to sleep but tonight his peace was disturbed.

A woman was screaming for her life. Something he heard more often than regular since it was usually him who was the cause of their screams. This woman’s screams were echoing in the sewers, being muffled by something as a man’s voice kept shushing.

Out of curiosity, he put his book down and walked to the source of the loud noises.

It took him barely a minute to find you and your attacker. The man had you under him, his chest pressing on your back as he was hastily pulling his pants down.

“Oh, how amusing,” Mahito chuckled, getting closer to watch your face stained with tears.

He crouched right next to your face, humming cutely. “You’re quite adorable,” he said, his hand reached to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Really my type.”

“Help!”

Your sudden yell made Mahito pull his hand back. Whew, you had startled him.

“Nobody will hear you,” the man assured with a breathy laugh, his hand rubbing guiding his cock between your thighs.

Mahito pouted his lips and tilted his head to the side. “It’s no fun when I’m left out, you know.”

The man was busy pulling your panties to the side.

“Please, please, please don’t!”

“Don’t ignore me,” Mahito furrowed his brows and tapped on the man’s shoulder.

You were still struggling under the man’s weight when he suddenly stopped moving. With a burst of an adrenaline rush, you pushed yourself up from the concrete and threw your attacker tumbling back.

Almost immediately you got up on your feet and swung your purse at the man, hitting him in the face with your eyes closed shut in fear.

The impact made a splash sound as if you had hit something soggy. What? Your eyes hesitantly opened and it took you a long moment to register what you were seeing.

“Wow.” Mahito stood beside you with a smile on his face. “He looks nice like that, don’t you think?”

You dropped your purse.

Your mouth opened to scream but what were you going to gain from it? You closed it back again.

It looked unreal, nothing like the photos you had seen online. You wanted to look away but you couldn’t.

“Heeeeyyyy~” Mahito stood in front of you, waving a hand to your face. “I don’t even get thanks?”

The man’s disfigured body and face were covered in blood. The sight was enough to cause trauma and make any normal person collapse on their knees, heaving. His body was twisted to the point you couldn’t tell if he was a human or not.

What you were seeing wasn’t human.

You couldn’t tell if it was a human.

Your brain disconnected it from your mind that he was a real, living, and breathing person only a couple of seconds ago.

The fact that you couldn’t even process what you were seeing right in front of you made you burst into a peal of hysterical laughter.

Mahito took a step back. “Ah, you’re one of those who goes insane…” He shrugged, watching you lose your sanity was fun too. His eyes landed on the panties which were halfway down on your thighs that you hadn’t even bothered to pull up and then his stare landed on your unevenly hoisted skirt. A grin spread on his face.

Your laughter died down quickly and sobbing replaced it. You couldn’t stop your tears. Your vision was getting blurry from your tears and you tried to revive your brain to think of what to do next.

Could you just leave this man here?

Even though he attacked you with full intention to rape you, it… it was wrong to leave him like this.

He was dead. Disfigured. Not human.

There was nothing you could do. Whatever caused this man to turn into this inhuman thing could have happened to you.

You felt a shiver run down your spine and up your shoulders. As if the cool evening breeze had hands, the chilly air caressed your skin.

A quiet sob left your lips and you lifted your hand to wipe your tears but stopped when something firm pressed on your back.

“You’re definitely my type,” Mahito snickered, pulling his hand back.

With a shriek you jumped forward, whipping your head around to look behind you. There was nothing.

You had to be going insane.

You put a hand against your forehead and looked around the sewers. The most logical thing to do was to leave. This rapist deserved to rot here, you didn’t care. You wouldn’t care. You knew you couldn’t care less.

“Heeey~~ I’m Mahito, your savior.” He poked your nose and you itched where he had touched you. “You should thank me for saving youuuu!”

Once you got home to your bed, you would browse on the websites to stare at disfigured humans like him. This was nothing. You had seen worse on the internet. You didn’t care.

Mahito crouched down to open your purse. He looked around your stuff and tried to find something that had your name on it but it was futile.

You weren’t going to wake up tomorrow and think about its face.

“Hey, what’s your name?” he asked.

No, you weren’t going to remember about this thing the day after tomorrow.

“Hellloooo~~ What’s your name?”

Definitely, you weren’t going to think about this thing whenever you closed your eyes.

“What’s your name?” Mahito put his hand on your shoulder. You reacted to his touch and flinched but didn’t answer him. “Ugh! This is the third time I’m asking, sweetheart.”

You were being paranoid, that was for sure.

It felt like ghostly hands were touching you.

“Let’s see how far we can go before you see me.” Mahito grabbed you by your shoulders and pushed you down.

Fear came rushing back and you started screaming. Something you couldn’t see had tackled you on the cold concrete. This wasn’t a figment of your imagination, this was real.

“You know, a friend of mine said that humans can see curses when they’re in a life or death situation.” His large hands massaged your shoulders as he spoke. “I wanna see if we can have fun together even when you can’t see me.”

Your breathing became uneven and you started struggling against the unknown force holding you down.

Mahito moved his hands to your shoulder blades and slid them lower until he grabbed you by your hips. You gasped when he pressed himself against you. “Oh, so you can feel this .” He slowly grinded against you.

Your hands balled up to fists and you pressed your forehead against the cold concrete. There was something on top of you, something firm and thick was pressing on you. You were rocking back and forth with a very familiar feeling of a cock on your ass.

Mahito’s grinding became harder to get a reaction out of you. He pushed his growing clothed erection against your ass to explicitly stimulate the movement of fucking you.

You bit your lips to hold back a moan. You hadn’t gone insane yet, there was something humping you. There was a small moment where you tried to move and crawl away from this entity but your body became frozen when you felt your skirt was getting hiked up.

“You’re so cute~” He pulled his own pants down. “Very pretty.”

The weight on top of you disappeared, taking the opportunity you tried crawling away but your body got flipped around.

Now, you were facing the ceiling of the sewers with nobody in sight yet there were hands fondling your tits.

“Stop,” you whimpered. “Please.”

Mahito smirked, getting his face awfully close to yours. He let his tongue loll out from his mouth and licked your lips.

You let out a startled scream, you tried kicking your invisible attacker but it was useless to even try. You couldn’t fight something you couldn’t see.

“Mm, you taste so sweet,” he whispered. His lips pressed against yours experimentally and bit your bottom lip. You reacted by turning your face to the side.

Boring.

Having had pulled his pants down before, Mahito grabbed his fully erect cock. He stroked it from the base to the pink tip glistening with precum as he relished on your view.

“I really wanna know the name of  my cute new doll.” He used a free hand to spread your legs, although you tried fighting back, he quickly outpowered you. He pouted when you didn’t say anything regarding what he had said.

“Please,” you whispered, starting to pray for whoever was listening. Your hand went between your legs to cover yourself but it stopped midway when you felt something firm press and move against your clit. An involuntary moan left your lips.

Mahito chuckled at your reaction and tapped his cock on your clit before dragging the tip between your folds to cover it with your juices. “You’re wet only because of me, right?” he asked, smirking.

Your lips parted as he lined himself up on your entrance. He waited until your tense body relaxed and shoved his cock inside you in one go once he caught you off guard.

You let out another moan but it got muffled by Mahito’s lips. While you were tensing and yelping because of the girth of his cock stretching you out, he was snaking his tongue inside your mouth with dark amusement.

Whether it be because of fear or pleasure, your gummy walls were clenching around his cock. It was more than enough to let Mahito know that he could move now.

Pulling his hips back and face back, he slammed into you abruptly to force a moan out of you. However, you didn’t make a sound. He looked down at you to notice how you were pressing your lips together, refusing to make it fun.

He sighed but didn’t let it ruin the mood. Instead, he frantically started fucking you. His hips surged forward with frenzy, he was whispering praises but you heard none of them.

Your pussy was being forcefully stretched by something thick and firm, you didn’t know exactly what it was but you also knew. You just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

It moved in and out of your pussy, stroking only the right spots and massaging your gummy walls enticingly. Your juices were gushing out of your hole that was being fucked, making disgustingly wet sounds.

One of your hands went to your pussy, unable to fight back the entity, you tried blocking it with your hand from ravishing you.

A sharp thrust of his hips was all it took to make you squirm and fall back on the concrete.

Mahito put a hand on your clit and started rubbing tight circles on your nub as he continued his animalistic pace to hammer into your pussy.

Arching your back, you moaned. Your pussy was spasming around his cock, begging for more.

“At least your body is honest.” Mahito watched you convulse in pleasure with a chuckle. He pushed your legs up to your chest and began pounding deeper in your pussy.

Your eyes rolled up, hands trying to grab onto something to steady yourself but there was nothing on the concrete. This was it, you were close.

“Do you think a cursed spirit and a human can make a baby?” His pace slackened, your clenching walls had caught him by surprise. He chuckled before languidly answering his own question. “Let’s try and see, yeah? Whaddaya say, sweetie?”

You quivered when his cock kissed your cervix. Your mouth gaped open in a silent moan as your orgasm shook you to your core.

“Haha, you look so needy and dumb!” Mahito’s cock twitched inside you, he groaned loudly. He tried holding himself back and stealing a couple more thrusts into your pussy before the fun ended but his thrusts had started becoming shaky. His hips lurched forward one last time, pushing as far as he could to spill his seed deep inside your womb and filled your pussy until it overflowed.

Mahito pulled back and held your hips up to hold his seed inside you without letting another drop go to waste. This was going to be one of his experiments, he decided with a sickening smile on his face.

You were far too exhausted to feel anything other than the warmth that filled your tummy.

The rest… was a blur.

~~~

Although what happened that night was supposed to be traumatic, nowadays; you found yourself feeling a lot safer walking home at night. Whenever someone followed you or someone with malicious intent tried getting near you, there was a guardian angel that stopped them with a small price of you letting it indulge in your slick heat.

[ramzawrites]

IronGolem!Hybrid!Reader - Protector - Part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Male

Pairings: none

Characters included: Quackity, Fundy, Tubbo, Punz, Technoblade, Philza, Dream

Warnings: blood, character death, cursing

Series: Part of my Iron Golem request series! 💙

Summary: Y/N helped the Butcher Army to escort Techno towards his trial only for this trial to turn into a surprise execution. An execution that finally gives Y/N the chance to flee that he was so desperately looking for, all along. Even if others had to push him towards this opening.

Words count: 2684

Authors Note: Woops I thought this would be the last part but there will be a part 4 after all o7

As they begun moving Techno followed along quietly. Never pulling on the chains, just dutifully following behind Y/N. His eyes mostly trained on the horse that Quackity was now riding.

They walked back to where they left their horses and got back up on theirs. Y/N got Quackity’s horse and let Techno on it, leading that horse along as he rode his own black steed. Sometimes petting his horse, his rough hands weaving through the long black mane, more as a way to calm himself down rather than the horse.

Riding between Quackity who was at the front while both Fundy and Tubbo stayed at Techno’s side while Ranboo stayed at the end of the group. Ensuring that Techno didn’t try anything too stupid.

Throughout the whole ride Fundy and Quackity began taunting Techno, Tubbo would occasionally chime in as well while both Y/N and Ranboo stayed quiet.

It surprised Y/N a bit that Techno actually responded to some taunts with his own snide remarks that would usually shut the other party up, for a short moment at least. He certainly had his wits about him.

Y/N couldn’t help but look up to Technoblade in a sense. He himself was escorted away in a similar manner but other than Techno, he immediately gave up and just followed along with his captors. Not even saying a word against them and while Techno did follow them along as well, he still talked back, made them feel stupid about their own thoughtless comments.

And Y/N enjoyed the frustrated exclamations of the group whenever Techno made one of his targeted comments. This was not a good situation for the warrior but he kept his dignity and a part of control and power in this situation.

Technoblade was strong and Y/N was not.

No, Y/N was weak willed and naïve. He should have fought more. Tried to escape or tried to send along a message to his home, to his people. Should have asked Ranboo to maybe check up on the town, after all he seemed to be the most reasonable one of the group but he didn’t. He was too scared and just gave up. What kind of protector was he?

Then again, he couldn’t fight, and he had to work with what he can do. Sometimes staying alive was the best and even most rebellious thing someone can do. Maybe if he was just patient enough, he would find a chance to flee! Though whenever this thought crossed his mind he feared that he had missed his one chance already due to his cowardice.

It didn’t take long for them to reach L’Manberg. Getting off the horses to walk back into the town middle. Y/N still holding the chains that were keeping Techno’s wrists bound.

As they walked further into the town, they passed Philza’s home.

The winged man stood on his upper balcony, staring down with a cold expression “You actually got him.”

“Get inside! You are on house arrest!” Tubbo just yelled back as an answer but Techno turned to face his friend, pulling on the chains in the process. Y/N pulled them back again, scared with what could happen next.

“Phil! Phil! What did they do to you!”

Fundy got his axe back out and pushed the flat side against Techno side, urging him to keep on going. This unspoken threat seemed to be enough for him to ignore his old friend and instead continued to follow Y/N who in return followed Quackity and Tubbo.

Though as Y/N pulled his gaze away from Philza, he could see a fond softness in his eyes. Worry mixed with anger. It was the first time he saw genuine emotion on his face, rather than the forced smiles he portrayed usually.

“Lead him up there, keep the chains around his wrists in there and stand close by.” Tubbo ordered the Iron Golem Hybrid, pointing at what looked like a cage right beneath a strange structure that Y/N couldn’t immediately make out what it was for.

But there was a foreboding feeling in the air.

Y/N opened up the door and without a word Techno just walked inside. The gate crashed shut again.

He could finally let go off the chain that he held on to. Dropping it as soon as he could. But the feeling of disgust stayed or maybe it was guilt. Maybe a mix. The less he thought about it the better, so instead Y/N just concentrated on Tubbo who begun a speech.

What kind of trials does L’Manberg have?

This wasn’t really a trial was it?

“Hey, Y/N, right?”

Y/N didn’t respond but stared at Techno from the corners of his eyes. Why was he talking to him? How should he react? Should he even react? Would the others hurt him if he visibly reacted?

“I know of you. You were-“

Though Technoblade didn’t finish his sentence. Smoke appeared in front of the stage and a person covered in armor appeared. They wore a white hoodie with netherite armor on top. Not even waiting a beat as they begun to attack the Butcher Army with their axe and crossbow.

Tubbo pulled his shield in front of his face, barely catching the arrow that came flying directly towards his face “Pull the lever, Big Q!”

Lever? What lever?

Even Techno seemed surprised letting out a quite frankly comical confused noise.

There was no hesitation on Quackity’s side. He immediately sprinted towards the structure and pulled the lever. Y/N could see a redstone pulse running up the build.

What the hell was going on?

Technoblade pushed his hands into his pocket, pulling out a small golden figure. Y/N couldn’t see it very well, but he immediately knew what it was.

A totem of undying.

Surprised Y/N stared at Techno only to see something black falling down.

He completely tuned out the sound of the fighting and screaming, his senses concentrated on Technoblade. His eyes directed at the black anvil that was flying with incredible speed down towards the cage.

Before Y/N could properly process what was happening, or the implications of this whole ordeal, the anvil was already on his eye level.

It connected with Techno’s skull with a sickening wet crack, immediately followed by an explosion of green light. It was so bright Y/N had to shield his eyes with his arms. Surprised by the warmth that came off the magic that engulfed Technoblade and revitalized his body. Pulling him away from the land of the dead and stitching his broken body back together.

As fast as the light appeared, it was just as fast gone. Y/N removed his arms and saw Techno jumping off the anvil and over the iron bars.

The man literally, just died but he didn’t waste any time to flee once he had the chance. Was it jealousy or admiration Y/N felt? He didn’t know, either way he was impressed.

While Y/N seemed to be a bit dazed, still trying to process this, Techno used the chance in between the chaos all around them to take a look around only to spot a masked man leading his horse away.

“He has Carl!”

He then proceeded to grab Y/N’s forearm and pulled him along. Techno’s grip was strong and unrelenting. Pressing down uncomfortably on a few burns that were just beginning to heal properly hence why Y/N’s first reaction was to pull his arm away, but the Pig Hybrid was holding on. Not giving him a chance to protest.

Why did Techno do this? Why did he tug him along? He clearly knew of Y/N but how? What did he know?

So, the best option was to follow him, right into a little opening at the side of a hill. Inside there was a room, lined with chests and another opening that seemed to lead into tunnels.

But what really caught Y/N’s attention was the man that held the reigns of Carl. A white porcelain mask with a smiling face hid away his face. A cloak hiding his physique and probably weapons.

Once inside the room Techno let go off Y/N to snarl “Dream, give me Carl.”

This masked man was the infamous Dream? His green hood was pulled up, the mask looked already unsettling but with the added shadow of the hood? As he stared at Y/N it felt like he was sizing him up. As if to wager something out.

Once again Y/N felt incredibly small under someone else’s gaze.

Dream slowly got closer and gave Techno the reigns of Carl “You brought him with you? I’m surprised, Techno.”

Techno walked up to Carl and pressed his forehead against that of the horses as a greeting “I don’t think we have the time to talk about this Dream, besides weren’t you the one trying to get him out of there?”

“Yes, I suppose you are correct. We don’t have the time to talk about this though. You two better get going. There should also be some armor and potions in one of the chests. And Y/N?” Dream turned towards him now “We’ll meet again, I promise you. You will get your revenge.” With that he ran off through the opening that Techno previously pulled Y/N in.

Techno rummaged through one of the chests. Letting out a disappointed sigh as he spotted some iron armor. With trained movements he slipped surprisingly fast into the clunky armor. Fastening it around himself and hooking the potions to his belt.

Hooves clicked on the stone ground as Techno lead Carl towards the tunnels “Not to put too much pressure on you but if you want to get out of this mess you better come with me.” Techno’s eyes rested calmly on Y/N. He was serious and looked like he was calculating something but there was something genuine and almost friendly mixed in.

“I- uh, understood.”

This honestly felt unreal. Like a dream. Though Y/N hasn’t decided yet if this was just another nightmare. It felt like a trap. Too convenient but what could he do? Run back out towards the city? He can’t fight like Dream or Techno, he wouldn’t get the chance to flee. Besides they would just capture him again and he didn’t want to think about how he might be treated afterwards.

His best bet really was with Technoblade but why he would do this for him after he escorted him to his own execution, he didn’t know.

Hell, how did he even know of him?

“Now, Y/N.”

Techno just begun moving into the tunnels. Y/N made sure to stay close. A spark of hope inside his chest. Something he hasn’t felt in ages. Is it okay if he takes this spark and holds it close? Just in case it breaks out into a fire?

Almost as if to answer this question both Techno and Y/N heard a voice coming from behind them. It wasn’t Dream’s. No, Y/N knew this voice too well. It was Quackity. Quackity has found him and would bring him back.

That spark seemed to dim after all.

“What the fuck is this? What is this Techno? How the fuck did that Anvil not kill you? And now you are stealing my things? Stealing my blacksmith?”

Techno let out a cackling laugh as he made sure to stand in front of Y/N. Grasping the hilt of his netherite pickaxe in one of his hands.

“Listen here Quackity. I tried telling you that the root of the problems here was government! I fought alongside you to show you! And you used me! So, I retaliated with force, to prove my point but you still formed a government! After that I was content with getting away from it! I tried to retire! I swore off violence! You still hunted me down! You-“

He moved his head around a bit, looking at Y/N from the corner of his eyes only to snap back to Quackity “You hurt my friends!”

Quackity didn’t seem to have noticed this but Y/N did. Techno referred to Y/N as his friend? He somehow felt like he was missing some vital piece of information. Never in his life has he even talked with him before this. Maybe he really just meant the horse, it stood off to the other side but surely, he must have only meant Carl. Perhaps Philza as well? Yes, those he must have meant. No way did he group Y/N in there as well.

Not after he was the one who escorted Techno away from his peaceful life with chains around his wrists.

Quackity bit down on his lip in anger before he answered “Techno, I don’t care about that. All that I care about is that you are on my hit list.”

“Hit list? What kind of Hit list?”

“I’m building up a nation and this nation needs direction, organization and I swear no matter what it fucking takes me, I will fucking kill you.”

Once again Techno laughed “Quackity, do you really think you are enough to kill me? Even unarmored and only in iron armor?”

At this point Y/N was straight up jealous at Techno’s confidence and cockiness. He would have just cowered in fear, given up but Techno did not. He stood strong, calm. Like a boulder between turbulent waters.

That spark that seemed to dim inside of him seemed to flare up again. If he just stayed close to Techno and trusted in him, maybe he is allowed to hope. Just this once.

Obviously Quackity tried to stay calm and collected beforehand but this seemed to push him over the edge “So be it! I’ll fucking kill you right here and now!”

He immediately took his axe out and jumped towards Techno who confidently blocked the attack with his pickaxe. With a simple twist of his arm and body, he hooked Quackity weapon with his own and then used his whole body to pull it out of his hands.

The axe flew through the air, landing with a loud clanging on the ground in front of Y/N. He didn’t think much about it as he slowly stretched his hand out and grabbed it. Holding the weapon close to himself. Seeing how he couldn’t fight, this weapon would be useless in his hands but at least he could ensure that Quackity didn’t pick it up again.

It was the first time he rebelled against him. It was the first time he took some sort of control over this situation. He did not give up. He did something.

As he looked up he could see a shocked Quackity.

“I only have this pickaxe, Quackity, but I’ll put it through your teeth!”

There was this bloodlust to his words. A malice that Y/N expected from Techno before he met him. As his only idea of him was that what the butcher army told him.

He realized that their stories relied on a kernel of truth though in this moment he wasn’t scared of this Techno. No, he saw pain, self-preservation and conviction in his actions right now.

Quackity evaded one of Techno’s attacks only for his second to hit. Hitting his open mouth with the pickaxe and dragging it across his face. Resulting in Quackity to fall down motionless. Blood spilling to the ground as his body slowly dissolved into gold dust. He was respawning.

Technoblade just took Quackity’s first life. Just like that. It went over so fast. Like it was nothing.

Without seemingly missing a beat he turned around to look Y/N dead in the eyes, now calm again “We need to go. Now. I’ll explain everything to you once we are safe. I promise.”

He didn’t even wait for an answer and instead begun leading Carl through the tunnel again.

Y/N took a second to stare at the dissolving Quackity only for Techno to pull him back out of his thoughts “Y/N!”

“Why are you helping me. Just- Just tell me this. I’ll follow you, I promise, but I need to know.”

Techno sighed “Because how couldn’t we? How can you see injustice and not do anything?”

____

Tag: @plaguedoctorsnake

[jayeray-twst]

How He Shows You Affection: Cater Diamond

Warnings: None all fluff!

He Takes Pictures of You

“Say strawberry!” Cater ordered with a toothy grin, as he snagged you around the waist and pulled you close, pressing your cheeks together with his arm extended out, holding his phone.

Several months of dating meant you were now quick enough on the draw to smile at the camera for the first snap of the shutter and were even quicker to turn your face to the side, pressing an affectionate kiss to your boyfriend’s cheek before he managed to hit the button again.

“Babe!” he whined a playful lilt to his voice that probably would’ve fooled most, but you saw right through it to the faint blush on his cheeks and the warm look in his eyes.

Cater always got a little flustered when you did little things like that to catch him off guard, which was only fair in your opinion considering how much he did it to you. Your boyfriend had enjoyed flustering you, and gone out of his way to tease, and flirt just to see if he could.

“Let me see?” you asked, making grabby hands at his phone. He immediately passed it over without complaint, pulling you into his arms and resting his chin on your shoulder so he could see the screen too as you looked at the photos he’d taken.

The first was pretty cute, with wide beaming smiles on both your faces, but the second one definitely stole the show. As per usual, even when caught off guard Cater managed to take the picture at the perfect moment, just as your lips brushed his cheek. His eyes were wide with surprise and there was the beginnings of a blush on his cheeks.

“Cute,” you cooed, pleased with the way it had come out, “You going to post that on MagiCam?”

“You know me so well,” he teased, giving you an affectionate squeeze around the middle before accepting his phone back, “We really take the best pictures together babe!”

“If you say so,” you told him lightly.

“I do say so!” he informed you, one hand still holding you to him as his clever fingers tapped away at the screen of his phone one handed, “You’re so photogenic it should be against the rules!”

You huffed in affectionate amusement. Honestly you were pretty sure the only reason you came out looking half so good in all the photos Cater took of the two of you was because he had an eye for it. Cater’s ability with a camera was exemplary, enough to put professionals to shame in your own opinion and frankly you were more than a little flattered that his favorite subject seemed to be you.

His timeline on MagiCam was full to the bursting of pictures of you, doing everything and anything under the sun, almost all of them candid or taken with only a split second’s notice and yet somehow you looked good in all of them. Not only that, but all the pictures were tagged with flattering words about how amazing you looked and how blessed he was to have you and to be your boyfriend.

Looking at it never failed to make you feel warm inside. MagiCam was a huge part of Cater’s life, and when it came to his content you were front and center. It was like his entire timeline was a testament, his own unspoken way of showing his devotion to you more eloquent than any words could ever be. After all if a picture was worth a thousand words than Cater had written entire epochs on how much he adored you.

“Alright all uploaded!” he cheered, pulling you from your fond thoughts and twirling you around in his arms with a bright laugh, “Now that, that’s done we should probably go check up on the A-Deuce combo. They’re supposed to be painting the roses, but knowing the two of them…”

You laughed in agreement and let him drag you off to go check on Heartslabyul’s two most troublesome first years, feeling immensely fond of your boyfriend.

Later when you were scrolling through your own social media you weren’t surprised to find the picture of the two of you from earlier beaming smiles at the camera, tagged with mushy cute things like #loveofmylife, #smilebabe, #aren’twecute?. However the picture of you kissing his cheek was missing.

You fully intended to ask him about it the next day, right up until you caught sight of his phone again. The picture was there both in his background and as his lock screen staring you in the face. You honestly couldn’t do anything in the face of that besides melt and give your sweet boyfriend an affectionate kiss, feeling completely and utterly adored.

He Tells You (And Only You)

Cater was the kind of guy who flirted with everyone, so at times it could be hard to take his words seriously. Compliments like beautiful, wonderful, and precious were a dime a dozen, and not limited to just you either. His whole personality seemed to be exuberant, extroverted and friendly, the kind of guy who had friends everywhere because he had no trouble making friends. He felt almost unreal with how perfect he was.

There were times, especially at the beginning of your relationship that it had made you incredibly insecure. Cater was popular, both through MagiCam and just in general, and you had no idea why he’d want to be with you of all people when it seemed like he could have anyone he wanted. In the face of your worries his words almost felt insincere, shallow and hollow, as if he didn’t really mean them because he said them to everyone he met.

However, the longer you were with him the more you realized something incredibly important. Despite the compliments that fell from his lips at the drop of a hat Cater never, ever used the word love. Sure there was an implication of love, as he said things like “I adore this’ or ‘I’m wild about that’. He said ‘I’m captivated’ or ‘I’m infatuated’ or ‘I’m enthralled’ but never ever ‘I’m in love.’

It was like the words were anathema to him, almost as if he couldn’t bring himself to say it at all. It was then you realized, slowly but surely that a lot of the face he showed to the world was a carefully crafted mask. Just as you’d suspected no one could be quite that perfect, happy and friendly all the time.

Cater got frustrated, anxious and annoyed just as anyone else did, he was just much better at hiding it. There was also a pretty vicious side to him, one that could hurl lethal insults wrapped in so many honeyed words that only those who were looking for it or really paying attention to him noticed.

Funnily enough this actually made you relax. It humanized him, and made him seem more relatable rather than the near perfect being he’d seemed before. Once you realized how much he was hiding you carefully did your best be worthy of his trust, so he could have a safe place to rest. After all keeping up a cheerful mask at all times sounded utterly exhausting to you no matter how good he was at it.

Slowly but surely, he’d begun to let his walls down, coming to you when he had a rough day, sitting in silence with you, cuddling with you, enjoying quiet little moments that you once would’ve thought he’d hate. Instead Cater seemed to relish these stolen moments with you, and as you began to truly see each other for who you were rather than the face you both showed the world you finally got to hear it.

Love. A word he admitted he hadn’t quite believed in and so had never bothered to say. A word he felt was trite and meaningless because of how often it was said over every little thing. A word you’d managed to change his mind about, one that was special and intimate and meant only for the two of you.

“I love you,” you murmured to your boyfriend as the two of you lay cuddled together on his bed, curled up and quietly watching movies together on his laptop. It was something you didn��t say nearly as often these days, as you’d slowly adapted to Cater’s way of thinking that saying it about too many things cheapened the meaning in a lot of ways.

“I love you too,” he assured you, equally quiet, his normal exuberance set aside in placed of utmost sincerity, the words so real and rare on his tongue that you had no choice but to believe them.

He’d only ever said them to you, only ever planned to say them to you, a word that was meant for you and you alone, a little piece of his heart with your name stamped clearly in ownership. It was a privilege you savored and treated with the utmost care, it was the very least you could do to prove your own affections for your boyfriend who cared so very much.

He Makes Things For You

“How do I look?” you asked your boyfriend shyly as you emerged from the dressing room.

Normally trying on clothes with Cater was a lot of fun. Even if you didn’t enjoy shopping all that much Cater made it into an experience. He had an extremely good eye for what would look good on someone and what wouldn’t. and put a lot of interesting things together. He was also perceptive enough to know what would make you uncomfortable and what wouldn’t, and work within your comfort zone.

It made him the idea shopping partner, and lots of fun, especially since he was more than happy to try on anything you asked for him as well. Honestly it was a bit unfair just how good Cater looked in pretty much everything. There were a few times you’d purposefully tried to pick silly things and yet, whether it was sheer force of personality or because he was simply that handsome he always seemed to look good. Still it was fun to try, and the two of you always had a good time together, laughing and teasing joyfully, and you almost never left empty handed.

This however was different. Cater had always had an eye for fashion, and had occasionally dabbled in making his own clothing. However, he’d never really taken it all too seriously before, despite the fact that perfectionist Riddle recognized his talent and had let him design the outfits for when they had to dress up for unbirthday parties.

Despite that, it had never occurred to you that Cater might want to try designing something for you. However he’d apparently wanted to do just that, as he’d shyly approached you with the suggestion when you’d complimented some of his work. That in itself had let you know how very important this was to him. Cater was never shy, so the fact that he’d been so hesitant to ask said a lot.

Which was of course why you’d agreed without a moment’s hesitation. Honestly even if he hadn’t been so shy about it you would’ve said yes. Cater knew your style inside and out and you trusted him more than words could say.

Your trust turned out to be well founded, and the outfit he’d made for you was utter perfection. It was done in colors that flattered your skin, eyes and hair, and had a cut that flattered your figure. You weren’t sure you’d ever felt so simultaneously beautiful and comfortable before. You absolutely loved it, you just hoped Cater loved it too.

“You look beautiful,” Cater told you, quick on the mark as ever with a compliment as he hopped up from the couch he’d been waiting on, “But then again you always do.”

You huffed at that, but didn’t protest as he circled around you, holding still so he could view you from all angles.

“Do you like it?” he asked, once he reached your front again, uncharacteristically shy again.

“Cater are you kidding I love it!” you told him fiercely, not willing to let any sort of insecurity stand.

“Pretty sure you’d have to say that even if it was ugly babe,” Cater told you a little wryly.

“I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings,” you conceded, unwilling to lie, especially when you knew how much Cater valued honesty, but also unwilling to back down, “But in this case I’m definitely not exaggerating! Have you seen me?!”

You twirled in front of him arms spread for emphasis, “I look amazing! I feel amazing which, as you’ve told me, is just as if not more important! If you don’t believe me we can march right over to Pomefiore and get Vil. I’m sure you’d believe him!”

“No need for that,” Cater told you with a huff of amusement, his eyes warm and full of affection as he gently tugged you to him, his warm hands clasping your elbows as he peered into your eyes, “You really do like it babe?”

“I really, really do,” you answered him, with all the sincerity you could muster, “So much so I might just have to wear it every day. I’m not sure my other clothes could ever compare.”

“No need to go that far,” he insisted, though the bright look in his eyes belied the words, “I can always make you more.”

“So long as it doesn’t put you out,” you replied, “I’d love to wear your clothes Cater, anywhere anytime.”

Your boyfriend gave you one of his rare soft smiles, tugging you into his arms and just holding you, clearly grateful for what you’d said. You hugged back, quietly scheming to yourself determined to help Cater realize how talented he was. He deserved it, but in the mean time you would simply savor how much he clearly loved and trusted you, letting you be his first real model. You really couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend than Cater Diamond and you were now even more determined to make sure he knew just how much you adored him in return.

Like this or my writing in general? Feel free to drop by my ask box to make requests! Just make sure to read the rules first! Want to support me or make a commission? Please see my Ko-fi!

[heartless-symphony]

Word of love

Just an other one shot to make myself feel better 

MASTERLIST

~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~ ~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~

Word of love

Ship : Spencer Reid x Reader

Type : Fluff

Warning : mention of a case, blood, kidnapping, curse word, gunshots

~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~ ~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~

1- JJ

When you had met Spencer, you immediately figured him out. The way he was holding himself, the constant fidgeting, you could tell he was a shy person. At least, he was toward you. Of course, you had only just joined the team a few months ago, so he didn’t know you that much. But it was easy to say that there was something off about him, the way he never met your eyes, never had those full-on rants you so often overheard. You weren’t close, because of that. He didn’t really let you get close to him, to be fair, no matter how hard you tried. So you gave up, deciding that if it was meant to be, it would just take time and you shouldn’t rush it. 

That’s why, the first time it actually hit you in the face, you were surprised. You hadn’t let yourself get too attached –or so you thought. You had tried to put up a wall between the both of you, just like he had done. But as you were all in the emergency room, surrounding JJ’s bed, and as you heard him whisper a soft ‘I love you’ to his best friend, it hit you really, really hard. You realized a few things, all at once. First, it was the first time he actually showed a hint of emotions in front of you, and you shouldn’t have found it as adorable as you did. Second, you should not have felt jealous of JJ at this minute. Yes, a very adorable, cute, smart FBI agent had just told her he loved her –in a friendly way, you needed to remind yourself- but he said it because she was in actual danger. She had been shot during a case and so you were all here, hoping for her to get better. There was nothing –nothing- to be jealous of. Finally, what really hit you was the way you couldn't stop looking at him, wanting to take his hand, tell him everything will be okay and his friend would be fine. You wanted to be close to him. Which, considering how much distance you both tried to put between you, was weird. Unpleasant. 

When it hit you, you looked away. You shook it off. You didn’t allow yourself to feel anything. You couldn’t. You weren’t allowed to fall for him. 

 2- Motherly love

The second time it happened, you –almost- saw it coming. You were all in Vegas, and you were about to go home after a very tiring case. Spencer, of course, went to see his mom, and Emily had decided to pick him up from there right before leaving, and you just ended up in the car with her as you were driving to the airport. You made your way to the parking lot of the facility, before jumping out of the car. Emily waited for you as you walked to the door, going to get the genius. When you saw him, he was hugging his mom tightly, like it would be the last time. He was resting his head against hers, and you heard him whisper a sweet ‘I love you’, before letting go of her. She smiled sadly, in that way mothers do, and gently patted his cheeks. Blushing a bit, he turned to face you. He looked even redder and you smiled softly. You had always admired the way he was treating his mother, doing his best. You knew it wasn’t easy with the job and it was even worse for him. He had so much love for his mother that it made you feel happy, for her, for him, for the both of them. No matter the hard times they had to go through, they survived and were stronger every day. You admired that in them, their way to take their pain and turn it into love. 

When Spencer arrived at your level, his cheeks had gone back to a normal color, but he still had a slightly ashamed look, like he hadn’t wanted you to see him so vulnerable. But you couldn’t care less and you made it very clear, opening the door without a word and walking back to the car. Before taking his seat, he sent you a shy smile and you couldn’t help but look down to hide your own. Letting your guard down was probably the right thing to do, because some people deserved the pain. Because even if it turned badly, you could grow from it. So why keep your heart away from such a compassionate boy? 

 3- Love you all

It was his birthday, and you hadn’t gotten him anything. Well, not really at least. JJ had hoped for one single gift where everyone would participate, and you had jumped on the occasion. That way you were sure he would get something he liked, without you having to worry about anything at all –like him hating your gift. So, you didn’t know what JJ had gotten and when she got in the bullpen with nothing but a simple envelope, you couldn’t help but worry. Maybe she had changed her mind, or maybe it was something stupid. You had thoughts about buying him books, something like that, but not a letter. You were freaking out, silently, sitting at your desk, watching her make her way to spencer. She handed him the envelope and smiled, and you got up, just like the others, to surround the boy as to watch his reaction. You were further away, as usual. You may like him, but you knew he wasn’t feeling the same and he was still very, very cold with you. 

You almost didn’t see him open the letter, but you very soon recognized the two tickets in his hands as he took them out. The vintage-looking picture, the handwriting. 

‘Tickets for the ‘Letters through ages’ exposition?’ 

The team didn’t know who to look at. You had both screamed at the same time, interest cursing through your veins. You had jumped from the desk you were sitting on, rushing to Spencer’s side in complete awe of the tickets. Those kinds of tickets were rare and hard to get, only a handful of people had gotten the chance to see this exposition of vintage letters coming from all over the world, and you had dreamed of going there ever since you heard about it. Apparently, Spencer felt the same because his eyes were shining so brightly with happiness, you were almost jealous. Almost. You were too happy for him. What made your heart break a bit, though, was the second ticket. You knew more than anyone else that no one in the team –except the both of you- were interested in this kind of thing, which meant... He had someone else to take. 

‘Thank you, all, i love you guys.. I just.. I wouldn’t know who to bring with me...’ 

You blushed a bit. Of course. He didn’t have anyone, and it shouldn’t have made you feel as relieved as you did. You shrugged and looked up, only to see all eyes on you. Derek’s smirk made you squirm uncomfortably, making you think he was up to no good. And, being himself, he definitely was. 

 ‘Well, I feel like Y/N wants to come with you, don’t you ?’ 

You blushed even more, gently hitting Morgan on the shoulder. Part of you hated him for suggesting that, but the other was thankful. Maybe you would have a chance to finally see that exposition and, more than anything, you would be able to spend an evening with Spencer, just the two of you. Which sounded like a very nice idea to you. 

He looked up to you, smiling shyly, and handed you the second ticket. 

‘I do hope you’re free that evening.’ 

4- Evening together

When it happened, you weren't ready for it. Well, you should’ve, but some part of you still felt like it was unreal. You were both walking home from the show, in silence. It wasn’t awkward, compared to what you had imagined. The silence was calm, almost reassuring. Spencer's hands were in his pockets and he was looking up at the sky with a slight smile that hadn’t left his lips ever since you had arrived. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking at him. He looked like a little kid who had just spent the best day ever, with red cheeks, messy hair and a smile on his lips. You were feeling the same, to be honest, so you couldn’t say anything. 

 ‘I forgot to, uh... Thank you.’ 

You tilted your head and turned your head to look at him, frowning slightly. His eyes were on you and you wondered how long he had been looking at you. He bit his lip and took his hands out of his pockets, playing with his fingers. 

 ‘I mean, tonight was.. Really great. I didn’t know you like that kind of thing and I'm so glad you-you came with me. It was really... Really thoughtful. I-I loved it.’ 

You smiled and shrugged, trying to hide your own feelings. You felt great, awesome actually. The night had been so calming, walking through the alleys and reading old love letters from all ages, all origins, in different languages. And the best part had been Spencer. The minute he had picked you up, you knew you would have a good time. His walls were down, like he was suddenly more comfortable around you, trusted you more. And you loved it. He had been adorable, and if it had been a date, you would’ve easily said it was the best you had in a long time. Walking in silence surrounded by paper might sound boring to most people, but Spencer made it entertaining. You stood side by side, facing each paper as he waited for you to finish reading before moving onto the next one. When the letter was in a language you didn’t understand –which sadly didn’t happen as much as you wanted-, he would read it to you, translating every word in a soft whisper, his eyes focused on the page. He had spent the evening doing everything right, and you regretted that it wasn’t a date. He would’ve been a perfect boyfriend, and you were only wishing for him to find the best –someone who would deserve him. 

You answered with only a smile, and when he smiled back, it felt like your whole world was finally turning right. 

 5- I love you

You sort of wished he didn’t have to tell you he loved you that day. It was almost painful, because you couldn’t answer. The tape over your mouth, the tears rolling down your cheek, the gun pointed at your head... Everything was keeping you from talking. From saying it back. And even that, it wasn’t the best moment to tell a coworker you were in love with them when the both of you were held at gunpoint by an unsub. 

You knew you were about to die. Well, you thought you were. You believed in the team to save Spencer, but you were pretty sure you were done. You weren’t the one with the information the unsub needed, you weren’t the smart one, you weren’t the useful one. You were just bait, and you had been since the beginning of the case. 

Stuck in a cage, you had time to sort out your feelings, admit them to yourself and accept that you would never be able to share them with the one person you loved. Yet here he was, ruining everything, telling you he loved you as you were about to die without telling him you had felt the same ever since you first saw him. 

When you heard a gunshot and a scream, you were sure you were dead. Or wounded at least. But there was nothing, until you felt a hand under your head. 

 ‘Open your eyes, Y/N. Dammit, open your eyes.’ 

 And so you did, fluttering your eyes open, waiting for the tears to fade away to see Emily’s gentle, worried smile. You tried to move, tried to get up, but you were still tied up and you knew she was working on that. But you couldn’t think about anything else, anyone else other than the person you were thinking about for years. 

 ‘Spencer...’ 

‘He’s fine. Don’t worry, we got you.’ 

You whined, trying to get up again. This time, your feet were free and you stumbled up on your feet, fighting against the tape holding your hands together. As Emily took it off, you looked around and let out a sob when you saw the blood where Spencer had been sitting, but you quickly looked away and your eyes fell on him. This time, you cried. You ran up to him as he was sitting on the floor, Morgan next to him with a medic. But you couldn’t care less. You rushed by his side, wiping away your tears, and kneeled by his side. He looked up at you and you saw worry, relief, fear and shame in his eyes. You bit your lip, searching in his eyes, before leaning in and quickly kissing him, before moving away. 

 ‘Say it again.’ 

 ‘I love you, Y/N’ 

[ch1giri]

heyy!! I found your blog recently and I really enjoy reading your writings! You’re an amazing writer! I’m really happy to see more Blue Lock content as well! Blue Lock is such an awesome manga and I love it so much! I look forward to more of your works! 💘

Could I also request maybe First Date headcanons with Sae, Rin, Nagi, Chigiri, Reo, Kunigami, Isagi, or any of the Blue Lock boys? Thank you!

Hi anon you are such a sweetheart thank you so much! This made my day (*≧з≦) I apologise for making you wait too long, I hope you'll like it! Also, sorry some of them were much longer than the others

First date headcanons

Characters: Sae Itoshi, Rin Itoshi, Nagi Seishiro, Reo Mikage, Chigiri Hyoma, Kunigami Rensuke and Isagi Yoichi

Sae Itoshi

• You have to be very special to catch his eye. He doesn't go just for anyone, but you, you're definitely special

• And once he confirms his feelings for you he confidently asks you out. Bonus points if you get flustered a bit, he thinks it's cute that he has that effect on you.

• Once you guys agree to go on a date this boy immediately rearranges his schedule around the date

• He tried suggesting that you two go on your first date in Spain or France. But you politely shut down his idea down, saying that he doesn't need to go overboard for your first date

• So you guys settle for a nice restaurant in Japan, he was a little bummed that he had to stay here but it's with you so he will manage

• Sae is a true gentleman, opens the door for you, pulls you out a chair, compliments you and pays for the meal

• If someone happens to see you two outside on a date tho, rumours will start immediately. But he couldn't give two shits tbh

• He would enjoy listening to your interests, Sae loves watching that spark light up in your eyes he knows the feeling of happiness that rushes through you when you talk about your interests.

• If they do happen to ask him about you on some press conferences he would just say: "Yes I'm currently dating someone, I don't get how is that related to my career."

• After your date, he would drive/walk you home and kiss you on your forehead. And when he comes back home he would have to fight the urge of buying some tickets for a foreign country to take you on your next date.

Rin Itoshi

• Like his brother, Rin seems very cold and calculated. So you have to be super interesting to catch his fancy

• Rin is introverted, so he wouldn't like to go out to some fancy restaurant. So he would take you out to the movies! He enjoys horror films so I feel like he would pick out a really good one

• After movies you guys would get ice cream and walk around, talking about anything and everything

• He would complain about all the lukewarm people he met in blue lock. And he would offer an ear to your complaints.

• He is so cute I swear, Rin is trying so hard to hide the smile that is stubbornly trying to show on his face. He doesn't want to blow his "cool guy" persona yet.

• He would walk you home and you would walk you home, but you would have to be one to initiate something. He wants to hug you, but the poor boy is just super embarrassed.

• When you hug him, or kiss him on the cheek. You can definitely see the red color creeping on his ears. When you two finally part your ways. Rin is letting that simle show, just this time it's much bigger and the pink dusting his cheeks is much more visible. But when he gets back home he puts on his cold facade

• He is not into PDA, so on your next date I feel like you two would walk around with your pinkies intertwined

Nagi Seishiro

• This one is a given, Nagi would totally take you out on an arcade date! He could effortlessly impress you, plus who doesn't love arcades?

• You two would play few intense rounds of air hockey. After the fifth time that you lost he let you win one round, just to see you jump around in victory

• After that you guys played some co op games, Mario Bros, Bubble Bobble and other classic

• Your small rivalry will continue as you guys start playing vs games like Street Fighter, Tekken and Mortal Kombat if you main Kitana you are immediately attractive idc again he will let you win just to see that cute smile on your face

• Please if you have the willpower make him play Taiko or DDR. At first he would be hesitant, because he thinks that it would require so much effort but if you bat your eyelashes he might just fall for your trap

• What can he say it's hard to resist when it comes to you. Surprisingly he is really good at Taiko, which of course earned a compliment from you "You should consider becoming a drummer." please just imagine drummer!Nagi what a concept

• Nagi saw you eyeing one of the toys in the claw machine and he just had to jump at the opportunity. So here you were with two milkshakes in your hands cheering Nagi on

• It took him a while but he got it in the end! He knows that you will treasure it, and the huge smile on your face was totally worth it

• You two walk to your house hand in hand and talk about all the games that you played you leave him with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to beat him fair and square next time

Reo Mikage

• This guy goes all out, like it's unreal how much effort he put in. The second you agreed to go out on a date with him he started planning everything out to the smallest detail

• A limo was waiting outside for you, I mean he did tell you to wear something nice, but you didn't expect this much

• He bought you flowers, he went as far as renting out the whole restaurant. Which is one of the most expensive in town.

• At first you felt kinda awkward, I mean isn't he going a bit too far? He probably spent a lot of money on this. But he reassured you that you deserve to be spoiled

• After some time you get much more comfortable, and you stop caring. You don't feel uncomfortable and out of place because Reo is there, and that's the only thing that matters

• After a very nice dinner made by the best cook in the country. You guys went on top of a tall building and just talked your hearts out, admiring the beautiful navy sky

• The limo took you guys back to your place and you were standing on your doorstep hoping that Reo would do something and he did!

• He kissed you! And you had to hold in a scream of happiness, after he left you ran into your room to let out that happiness by screaming into your pillow

Chigiri Hyoma

• Okay, you two would go on a study date! He feels like that's the best option, it's lowkey and he wouldn't feel as stressed to actually ask you out

• But just because the date seems casual, it doesn't mean he didn't carefully chose the location you two would go to. He checked all the local cafés and what food and drinks they serve

• He would choose the most beautiful café, a beautiful slow melody is bouncing around the room. The whole café was decorated with wood and plants, making it look like a whimsical forest

• You two ordered tea and got two Strawberry Shortcakes, Chigiri and you opened your books, you guys talked a bit about the harder subjects you have to get to eventually

• But as the conversation started to flow, you two kinda forgot about the pile of books you had on the table

• You talked about your favorite writers, and other hobbies you share, the tea was great and so was the Shortcake

• After a long talk, it was time to part your ways. Chigiri walked you home, and you guys just couldn't stop talking about everything and anything

• You didn't want to go and neither did he, so he immediately asked you out on a another date, and of course you were so excited

• When he left he just couldn't stop thinking about you, so he called you and the two of you talked for so long.

• Both of you couldn't wait to see each other again

Kunigami Rensuke

• The two of you would go to an amusement park! Eating delicious, colourful cotton candy as you guys talked about all the ride you want to go on

• Kunigami would win so many games, you would have so many stuffed animals by the end of it

• Like his hands were full and you were carrying two stuffed bears each settled into your hands

• You guys would ride the fastest, highest roller coasters. But if you are afraid of heights, that's okay too. There is a lot of other fun rides and games you can try

• You would go on the teacups and you would ride a carousel giggling like little children throughout all of it

• Kunigami suggested that you should visit the Haunted mansion, everything was fine at first, but then a second jump scare happened and then out of reflex Kunigami hit the poor worker in the head

• When the sun started to fall asleep and the sky splashed with orange gradients. The two of you went to a farriers wheel

• Walking home still laughing about the aftermath of the punch Kunigami accidentally landed and your hands full with the stuffed prizes, he asked you out on a next date

Isagi Yoichi

• Isagi took you out on a picnic! At first he was kinda hesitant to ask you out. He can get really insecure at times and you are just so perfect he thought you were way out of his league

• When you said yes, he was the happiest he ever felt it's the same feeling he gets when he scores a goal

• In an attempt to surprise Isagi, you decided to make some sandwiches

• Isagi had the same idea tho, so when you two met up, both of you were holding baskets full of food earning an angelic laugh from Isagi

• The field looked beautiful, it was filled with flowers and some kids were running around. The two of you sat on a blanket right under a blossoming cherry tree

• Munching on some sandwiches, you talked about anything and everything

• After you stuffed your faces with food, Isagi suggested that you two play football. And you eagerly agreed

• Sure, maybe you aren't the best football player. But seeing the spark that is dancing in his eyes is totally worth running around trying to kick a ball

• To your surprise, you played football for hours laughing and playfully bickering

• And everything was fine until the rain began to fall. Quickly starting to pack your things up, Isagi looked for the shelter

• The two of you ran to safety, never dropping your smiles, your hair and clothes totally wet by now

• Your house was closer so that's where you went. You begged Isagi to stay until the rain stopped. And he oh was he embarrassed, he's never been in a girl's room and now here he is. Changing into some clothes you had laying around while you were making tea for the both of you

• After some time passed, Isagi finally got comfortable and you laughed the whole situation off

• When the rain stopped, it was time for him to go even though you didn't want him to

• He thanked you for the stuff you lent him. Promising to return them on the next date

[datawyrms]

Ectober Day 19 Blood Magic

On Ao3 sort of warning for unreality again as someone is not having a good day

Humans ate too much, and it still weirded him out to watch Tucker willingly weigh himself down with stuff. He had a bag to carry things, but chose to ingest the stuff anyway. How could he stand it?

“You want some?” Tucker noticed his attention, but misunderstood it.

“Absolutely not. Way too solid.”

“You’ve got weird hangups, dude. It’s just food.”

He could only scoff back in response, turning his attention back to the lunchroom at large. That other demon was still around here, making his claws itch. Was it why the humans around here ate so much? Would Tucker even notice if he slipped off to check? It wasn’t like he was leaving the room, exactly. Just pushing what counted as his shadow a bit.

Nah, he wouldn’t notice. He was way too wrapped up in eating. It wasn’t like he was going to fight. Just making sure whoever it was didn’t mess with his two humans. There were plenty of shadows to make his trip impossible to track, slipping to the closed off area with ease. Sam and Tucker never came back here, and the reek of cooking would usually keep him out too. Now where was that feeling coming from? One of those burning boxes.

“You best not be here to cause trouble, dearie.”

He kept still in the shadows, unsure where the voice was coming from.

“Oh, maybe you don’t understand me. Shoo along now.” The voice was warm, strangely so, considering they were telling him to go away. “These hardworking people don’t need you dropping pans on their feet.”

The pressure on his presence wasn’t much, more uncomfortable than anything. Should he be more offended that she thought he was some sort of barely sapient creature? “They welcome you here?” The question wasn’t the smartest, but he couldn’t figure out why else something so…patient with intruders would survive.

“Oh, you do have a tongue! Of course I am, been here for ages. Now how did you end up here?”

“Felt like it.” He tried to get a better look at the box, curious if it was marked.

“Well you best not feel like disturbing lunch, or I will be quite cross with you.”

Lunch was creepy. Yet the humans clearly didn’t mind the soft spoken demon lurking around, tempting them to indulge in the foul smelling foods. “Why? Do you have to protect them?”

She actually laughed at him. “Of course not dearie! The humans can hardly enjoy their meals if you start making a mess now, so you should go cause trouble elsewhere.”

Well if she benefited from the humans eating, that made a bit of sense. She had to be lying though. Some of the people working back here made him uncomfortable to look at, warning him away, as if she’d claimed them as under her. Yet all of them still had their souls. Why would she bother? Did they even know she existed? “I’m not going to cause trouble. Just curious.”

“Good, so run along little one. No need for you here.”

The dismissal was obvious, and he chose to take the hint to crawl back to Tucker. Who was still eating. Blek. “You do know there’s a demon making all of you want to eat more, right?”

“Nope?” He was still chewing, holding up a finger while he swallowed. “Like it’s pretty normal to be hungry halfway through the day.”

“I’m being very literal.”

“Huh. So you just noticed it?”

“No. They’ve been here even the first day I came along.” He frowned a little, displeased that Tucker did not seem disturbed by this information.

“Well if they aren’t hurting anyone I guess it’s none of our business. People eat at lunch, Phantom, it’s probably fine.”

“Not if you overeat. Which you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“You’re all solid and weird.” He muttered before going back to match the natural shadow. Maybe Sam would care more? He’d have to ask.

At least Tucker was up for tripping people who approached to give him a bad time. Besides it was protecting him, those people in jackets liked throwing punches at smaller people. He was just making sure they punched more acceptable targets, like the floor. Or themselves.

“Sam’s going to chew me out for letting you do that.”

“Do what?” He smirked from his hiding spot in Tucker’s bag. “They fell over all on their own.”

“You’re terrible.”

“Demon. Duh.” The fact Tucker was laughing too felt good, that it was something done as a team. Even if he’d just given him permission to do it. Just relaxing and watching was…nicer when he wasn’t worried about Tucker secretly planning to hurt him later. Even if he should worry about that.

Yet it was hard to do so. They’d gone back to the park so he could stretch his legs, even if he had to look human to do it.

“Is there a reason you hate food so much?”

The question threw him, eyebrow raising. “Why wouldn’t I? I’m not all solid like you.” It was an excuse, but not wrong.

“You look pretty solid right now.”

He rolled his eyes. No wonder his disguises worked so well if they just assumed based on what he looked like. “Well yeah,  but it’s an illusion. I’m not actually some weird skeleton with meat slapped on it.”

“Oh, gross. Human, not meat skeleton. What are you then?”

“Shadows, mostly.” He hesitated before offering his hand to Tucker. “You can tell, probably. That’s why I don’t touch people.”

Tucker’s grip was warm, and stronger than expected. It was difficult to resist the urge to pull away when his false skin squished inward. Humans grabbed too hard with those bony hands of theirs.

“Oh weird. That didn’t hurt, did it? Didn’t really expect that.” He let go fairly quickly, watching as the demon quickly fixed his squished hand.

“I’m flexible.”

“More like slime in a plastic bag.”

“I’m not like slime at all!” Phantom frowned, double checking that he looked ‘normal’. “Slime is thick and heavy. I’m neither.”

“Okay, you totally have a thing about solids. What’s up with that?”

He chose to keep his mouth shut and watch a toad springing through the grass. Maybe he’d leave it alone if he just played dumb for long enough.

“Phantom, I don’t want to know to use it against you. It’s so we don’t have another ‘that charm will seriously screw me up’ moment.” Tucker kept managing to find his eyes, which made it harder to ignore him.

“It’s nothing. I just don’t like blood magic.” He settled for a half truth. “The spells are stronger and make it harder to think.”

“I think I’m missing the connection from blood magic to solid here.”

He walked right into that one. “Blood’s still thicker than I am half the time. I’m nothing, remember? It feels gross to have that dumped in you.”

“You seem more like a someone than nothing.” Tucker nudged him, rather gently.

There wasn’t a good response to that, so he chose to look away. The awful compulsion that just took over everything you were was the worst part, completely bound to the ‘gift’ even if you didn’t want it in the first place. “My illusions are just that good.���

The boy considered that, leaning back. “I thought you said you never had humans before?”

Shit. He had. “You think humans are the only thing with blood?” No, that retort wasn’t going to help! He shouldn’t have said that.

“Soooo does that mean fairies have blood?”

He didn’t care that humans should not have a mouth full of pointed teeth at the moment, growling.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” Tucker said, grinning in spite of the threat.

He was very tempted to shed his disguise to try and startle Tucker, but settled for just growling again. He was never going to admit that sort of thing to a human. He was having enough trouble getting their respect without…that history.

“You’re just cementing yourself as a cat, dude.”

He let out a breath, double checking that he’d fixed his disguise properly. Obviously the slip ups weren’t working on his human anymore. “I am not a meowing quadruped.”

“Unless you’re in a cat’s shadow.”

“That doesn’t count!”

Tucker leaned back on the grass, still grinning. “Totally does.”

No it didn’t, but he was starting to figure out pointless arguments always seemed to go in the human’s favour. It’s like they went deaf sometimes just to keep insisting something completely ridiculous. It could be fun, if he didn’t keep getting reminded of past things. Long over things. He could go ages without thinking about it, but now it just kept coming up. Stupid. It shouldn’t affect him anymore.

“Anything we should watch out for? Like those mushrooms you pointed out?” His question was low, but still casual enough that you could probably brush it off.

Why did he care? Just to get free information, right? To learn his weaknesses. The demon felt uncomfortable in his skin again, tempted to hide in the dark. Even though they were only here so he didn’t have to do that. “Not really? Don’t trust anyone really into the moon, I guess.”

“You seemed kinda into that, looking at the sky all the time.”

He felt his breath hitch, screwing his eyes shut to stop thinking about it. “No. I’m looking at stars, not that stupid thing.”

Tucker was bolt upright again, uncomfortably close. “Cool. You have a favourite constellation or something?”

Now he was changing the subject? What? “I haven’t seen enough to have one of those.” Or forgot most of them.

“We could look some up? If you get bored.”

Phantom couldn’t help stiffening again, eyeing the human with clear suspicion. There was no reason to ‘be nice’ to him. Respect, sure. Play to his interests? No. That was playing to those human emotions. Things that could snare you, tie you more tightly than any written contract. “No.” He pulled his knees close to his chest and looked away.

“Oooookay then, I guess.” Tucker rubbed at the back of his neck, and took to looking at anything but the demon in some odd attempt to give him space.

Good. He didn’t want to be close with some humans like that. Absolutely not. The pain in his chest was only proof of that. It wasn’t too strong. Ignorable. He could deal with soul stuff fine. Not like blood magic at all. Not like the choking, oppressive heat he’d been tricked into taking. Invading every part of himself, an outsider he couldn’t shake off. A thrum that dulled his mind and delighted in his panic, so he could feel but not properly react.

The pressure on his shoulder that was enough to make him struggle, as that poison was fed to him, every wisp and strand thickened and tangled, a void that suddenly had a bottom, one that was rapidly filling. An impossibility that ruined him, too present to work any of his abilities. He couldn’t even remove his mouth to stave them off, being too defined and static to defy them that way. Being able to be grabbed, able to be pulled at and moved and he could do nothing against it, not even turn invisible to the eye to gain respite.

More of a slug than a shadow, but it’s only until you learn to behave.

His shoulder stung, claws buried in yellow fabric. The pain of his own claws...because…

Because Tucker was wincing in front of him, trying to push his hand away. Yet the words he was saying didn’t make any sense. “Come on, snap out of it! It’s still broad daylight out, nothing’s happening.”

He retreated instantly, retreating to the shadows now that he could. No blood.

“I have never been more happy for high quality shirts. There’s no way I’d be able to explain if you got me there.” Tucker seemed to deflate, picking at the pinprick holes. “You need some serious therapy, man. You were just gone.”

“Or I meant to do that.”

“Say that to Sam and she’ll totally leave you in the thermos.”

He wasn’t in the mood to respond. Why did he keep...reliving it? Why now? Why wouldn’t it stop?

[herbgerblin]

A continuation of this and this.

This is very nebulous, because answering asks individually would be very time consuming. I was concerned that I’d accidentally go off topic, or that the way the asks were phrased meant that I’d have to jump though a lot of mental hoops before getting to the heart of the matter. So like, bear with me:

“Yes, but [insert retroactive justification here]”

The McElroys have made decisions, and who can—with the rapid growth of their franchises—afford to make better decisions. Like hiring a diversity/cultural sensitivity consultant to give them feedback before finalizing the production of their content. It’s disappointing when their intentions are not enough, or when the ramifications of their intentions come out negative. But the options to mitigate the damages are definitely out there.

“Enough about Lucas, imagine Kravitz...”

Imma be real with you, chief. The desire to turn attentions to what Kravitz’s design might look like, rubbed me the wrong way. Because 1.) it felt like handwaving away the issues that BIPOC were bringing up about Lucas in favor of something doing “fun” and 2.) like Lucas, Kravitz’s design has already been decided upon. Whether we’ve seen it or not, we have no baring on what he’s going to look like in the graphic novels. 

It’s fun to speculate, but BIPOC have been made uncomfortable by the decisions being made by the book developers for years. And they are a large part of what made the franchise so successful to begin with. (I joined the fandom after the first GN already came out, so much of this is still fresh for me.) That’s not something that should be swept under the rug. A lot of folks have already reached their breaking points in term of support, and for others, that point is coming.

And like, I know Kravitz is probably going to be fine. But I’ve already braced myself for worse case scenarios. First worse case scenario is: he’s white/an abstract color/design and we lose an opportunity for positive black, gay, male rep. Second worse case scenario was this. I hate to say it, but he’s Schrödinger’s black guy right now. And as funny as that is, the fact that we STILL are dubious about the design decisions being made is cause for concern. 

“Well, the cast already has a lot of people of color”

What often goes unrealized, is that that statement is always one step removed from, “Haven’t you people (of color) had enough?” And that is a dangerous mentality to have. The idea that we are one big conglomerate of non white people kicking and screaming about every little choice ever made. When in reality, we are different ethnic groups who have found grievances with different designs—and also the lack thereof—and we are trying to uplift each other. Everyone who has spoken up about this deserves the right to see themselves represented. And those who haven’t, shouldn’t feel like they’ll be glossed over if they do.

I appreciate the people who, instead of reacting immediately to my opinions on Lucas’s design and came running at me with speculation and inquiries, took the time to absorb what was being said, and sought out what other people had to say. I’m not some wise old guide who knows or understands the answers to everything. I’m a fan of a podcast who happens to be Black at the same time. My values may be different, but my desired fandom experiences aren’t.

Also, while we’re at it, here’s my paypal: paypal.me/everlastingrandom

[thedigitalnativee]

i trusted you. (fred weasley x fem!oc)

summary: vespyr trusted him despite being warned of his ways.

warnings: unedited and not proof-read, ANGST, mentions of sex, mentions of nude photos, fred being a dick, me hurting my oc as a way to cope (lol...)

update: vespyr’s name is pronounced ve-spur

Vespyr face claim:

•••••••••••

Vespyr was stunned by what she was seeing. It was as if she could feel her heart breaking in half. She didn’t want to believe it, but how could she not when it was so clear?

Two weeks ago, Vespyr slept with Fred Weasley. She’d always had a crush on him. She was in awe of his ambition and confidence, and not to mention that he was rather dashing as well.

But she knew nothing would ever come of it. After all, she was just one of Ron’s dumb little friends to him.

So when Fred kissed her at a quidditch afterparty, she was shocked. But not shocked enough to tell him no. She had wanted him since she was eleven years old. For years, her dreams and fantasies had been of him loving her unconditionally. So when he said he wanted her, she let him have her. And when he said he wanted a piece of her with him, she didn’t protest.

Maybe she should have pushed him off. Maybe she should have said no. Maybe she should have done anything to keep her from being in the position she was in now.

Now here she sat, tears welling up in her eyes. Next to her, Lavender and Parvati showed her the copies of the intimate photos she shared with Fred that had been circulating around the school. Photos of her in her underwear, posing promiscuously. Enchanted pictures of his fingers running over her breasts and stomach. Laying completely nude on his bed as they made love—or so she thought.

“I’m sorry, Vespyr.” Parvati said.

Vespyr felt like her breath had been stolen away. Her chest was red hot with a feeling she’d never felt before. It was like heartbreak elevated to a higher plane.

“We tried to collect all of them, but I think Fay said she saw more in one of the corridors. We told McGonagall and she’s looking into it.” Lavender added gently.

Fred couldn’t have done this. He would never have shown those photos to anyone. But how else would they have gotten out to the school? Maybe someone found them in his dorm. He wouldn’t hurt her like this.

Vespyr walked down to the common room where she knew Fred was. She had to speak with him immediately. Surely he’d know how the photos had gotten around.

When she got to the common room, she saw Fred sitting around the card table with his friends. She stood in the frame of the stairway with her arms crossed over her chest, feeling everyone’s eyes on her. She saw the dirty look Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley gave to her. She also noticed the way Alicia, Angelina, and Katie laughed at her.

Trying her best to ignore them, she made her way across the room to Fred. As she approached, Lee and Cormac’s eyes landed on her. She felt unease rise in her as smirks grew on their faces.

She realized that everyone in that room had probably seen her photos. The photos that were only meant for Fred to see. They’d all seen her in her most vulnerable and intimate state. And even though she was completely clothed, she’d never felt more exposed.

Vespyr stood behind Fred’s chair, his broad back to her. She cleared her throat as she shifted uncomfortably. Fred continued playing cards, however, as if he hadn’t heard her.

George now looked up at Vespyr. He got a worried look which quickly changed into an apologetic expression. Vespyr couldn’t smile or do anything other than stare blankly at him, too consumed with the thought that he too had probably seen her naked.

Vespyr cleared her throat again but still got no response from Fred. Finally George kicked his brother under the table. Fred winced slightly as George motioned to where Vespyr stood behind them.

She already felt humiliated. She needed to see Fred’s face. She knew once she saw his warm, chocolate eyes and dimples that she’d feel safe again. But when Fred turned to look at her, she felt the opposite of safe. He looked at her like she was an embarrassment, like she was a burden. A nagging duck that had imprinted on him, a pimple that just won’t go away.

Vespyr looked down at her loafers, a hurt feeling coming over her. “Can I please talk to you?” She asked Fred.

Fred glanced back at the other boys at the table. Vespyr wanted to sob when she saw the way they chuckled. Then Fred turned back to her, “Yeah. Sure.” He shrugged, smacking his hand of cards onto the table.

Vespyr practically sprinted out of the common room and into the corridor. Fred followed behind her with his hands tucked into his pockets.

They stood in the corridor, Fred barely able to meet her eyes. The fact that he couldn’t even look at her was enough to tell her that he had done something. She didn’t even have to ask because she already knew. But still, she wanted to hear him say what he had done. And she wanted to know why.

“Please tell me that you didn’t do this, Fred. Please tell me that I’m crazy for even thinking you had something to do with this. T-Tell me that someone stole these,” She threw three of the photos at him, “from your drawer and you didn’t know. Just tell me you didn’t do this.” She said as tears welled up in her eyes.

Fred finally looked at Vespyr. Her nose was bright red and the crystal tears in her eyes made them look unreal. He let out a sigh and Vespyr prepared herself for whatever he was about to say.

“It was so stupid how it started out, Vess. Okay, we were all just fucking around after quidditch practice.” He started.

Vespyr felt a chill run down her spin, “Alright,” She said in a tone that encouraged him to continue.

Fred let his body lean against the wall next to him. “I don’t know who brought it up but we started talking about that stupid fucking list-”

She knew what list he was referring to. She’d seen far too many girls shed tears after finding out they were on it. And she’d also seen girls cry because they didn’t make the list. It was a topic of many conversations for the upper-classmen, and a source of frustration for the school’s staff. Vespyr recalled one time when Lavender gushed about how she desired to be on the list.

The list of Hogwarts most desirable—better known by the quidditch boys as “Hogwarts’ Most Fuckable”.

Vespyr never thought that she would be on the list. It had never even crossed her mind. But the thought of being on it made her feel sick.

“-We were all laughing and then Cormac brought up Ginny’s name, and he said that he was gonna put her on the list unless someone else put another girl on there. And I just got pissed and I didn’t want Ginny on it, so I brought you up.” Fred explained frantically.

Vespyr’s heart began to race. And even still, she felt for him. She still felt a sweet tug in her heart as she looked at him. Even though he was breaking her heart.

“I didn’t know that they were gonna plaster the picture all over the school, Vess, I swear.” He reached for her hands.

Vespyr blinked, gently pulling her hands away. Her stomach started to flip in a horrible way. She felt like she was going to faint. “Y-You showed them those pictures? Why would you- why would you do that?” She asked him.

“They were gonna put Ginny on the list, alright? She’s only in fourth year, I- I panicked. What should I have done?” He tried to make her understand, taking her hands in his again.

This time she snatched her hands away, “You could have told McGonagall, o-or you could have stopped it. I don’t know, Fred, you just could have done something.” She breathed out now.

Fred scoffed, “Yeah, tell McGonagall and have the entire quidditch league think I’m some git.” He defends.

“So you decided that I should suffer the consequences?” She snapped at him.

Fred couldn’t say anything back to her. He had no defense for what he had done. It was a horrible thing to do to someone, especially someone you claim to care about. “It’s just a stupid list, Vespyr.”

Her eyes widened with anger, red clouding her vision. “If it’s just a stupid list, then Ginny could have been on it, right?” She snapped.

“Vess-” He shook his head.

She couldn’t describe what she was feeling. It was a rage and anger that she had never felt in all her life. The betrayal coupled with the dismissal of it all made her livid.

“That’s because it’s not just a stupid list!” She pushed his chest angrily.

Fred pinched the bridge of his nose. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Vespyr. But when Cormac brought Ginny up, he felt like his hands were tied.

Fred tried pulling Vespyr into his embrace but she pushed against him. “Don’t.” She said sternly.

He sighed, “What do you want me to do?” He asked finally.

She looked up at him as if he’d gone mad, “I want you to stop this. I want you to defend me from all the shit people are saying.” Vespyr told him.

He gave her a confused look. “How am I supposed to defend you, Vespyr? Okay, this isn’t all my fault.” He said.

He knew it sounded wrong coming out of his mouth. He just wanted to feel less guilty about what he had done. He didn’t want to hurt her any further, but that was exactly what he was doing.

“I’m sorry, do you mean to imply that this is my fault?” She asked him.

He shrugged slightly, “I mean, you gave me the pictures, Vess.” He said.

“Because you asked for them!” She yelled back, her finger pressing into his chest.

She picked up the photos that were strewn on the ground. “These pictures, these pictures that you asked me for, were private. These pictures weren’t for your ‘stupid list’.” She ripped them up and threw them at his face.

Fred continued to try to calm her down, but she wasn’t going to calm down. There were no words that he could say to make her any less angry than she felt in that moment. He tried to grab her arms, he tried to hug her even. But there was nothing that was going to make this better.

Tears streamed down her face. Her throat was closing up, causing her voice to be thick. She felt like she might explode from the pressure mounting in her head. “You know I never did anything like that for anyone else before you? I never even thought to give a guy something like that until you. And now- now you do this?” She cried.

Fred’s jaw clenched as he looked at the space between them. “Yeah, well, I didn’t force you.”

Vespyr couldn’t believe him. How could he not see the error in his words? And why was he being so hurtful towards? She thought he cared about her. He said he would always protect her and he would never let anything happen to her. She trusted him and now he was doing the very opposite of protecting her. He was deliberately putting her in harm’s way.

She scoffed and pushed past him, not wanting to hear any more. She was so unimaginably angry at him, at all of them. For doing this to her and then having the nerve to think less of her.

Vespyr paused and turned around to look at him. Fred’s tall frame came into view again. “You’re a sad sack of a man and you will never touch me again.” She said as strongly as she could, but the crack in her voice made her fall short.

Fred hadn’t meant to put any blame onto Vespyr. He wanted to be there for her. God knows that he didn’t want to lose her. But it was like every time he spoke, the wrong words kept coming out. His mouth seemed to have a mind of its own.

Now she had confirmed it, though she had already known the answer somewhat. Vespyr was alone in this. The pictures were out and the damage was done. Everyone around her was silently, and not so silently, judging her. And Fred was too much of a coward to stand by her through it all.

~

It had been three very long weeks. Vespyr had only spoken to Lavender and Parvati due to the fact that they were the only people who would talk to her. Then there was Neville, who was always nice. And of course Luna, the kindest soul anyone had ever met. And despite some forlorn stares from across the room on Fred’s part, she hadn’t spoken to him either.

She wondered if anyone had empathy for her. If anyone could stop calling her names long enough to actually put themselves in her place and try to understand. If any of them could bestow a little grace upon her.

It seemed like those pictures just wouldn’t go away. She thought it would blow over after a week or so, but it just wasn’t. Every time she thought it might be over, someone would leave a picture in one of her notebooks or her owl would deliver an envelope full of them, or whatever cruel way the student body decided to remind her.

At lunch, Draco Malfoy and his friends came up to her. Draco tapped her on her shoulder and she turned around. When she saw who it was, she knew it couldn’t be good.

Vespyr sighed, “Yes?”

Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini snickered next to him as Pansy Parkinson sneered at Vespyr.

“Sorry, we just wanted to know your price.” Draco smirked, elbowing Blaise playfully.

Lavender glared at him and Vespyr sat there with a confused. She wasn’t sure what he meant by her ‘price’, but knowing Malfoy, it probably wasn’t something nice.

“What?” Vespyr asked in an annoyed tone.

Theodore chuckled, “You know, your price for pictures.” He explained.

Vespyr rolled her eyes, putting down her fork and standing up to leave. The group of them started to laugh as Lavender followed her out.

“Don’t worry, boys. I hear she’s pretty cheap anyway.” Pansy remarked, her words being the last thing Vespyr heard before she left the hall.

~

About two days after that, Dumbledore called Vespyr into his office. He’d told her that he’d been made aware of her predicament and was concerned for her.

To say that Vespyr was embarrassed was an understatement. She was appalled and ashamed. She felt humiliated.

Her mentor, her headmaster, had seen those god awful photos of her. The fact that he was aware made it clear that other members of the staff had to know also. Vespyr found herself examining her teachers for any signs that they had. A slight stutter when they spoke to her, a quick aversion of the eyes, lips pressed in a firm line. They all made her wonder irrationally.

Have they seen my photos? Have they seen my body?

It made her feel sick.

“Well, Miss Morgan, I can assure you I will be looking into this and I will get down to the bottom of who is responsible. Until then, I’ll be tasking Professor McGonagall with deciding your punishment.”

Vespyr’s head shot up at his words, “My punishment?”

Dumbledore nodded authoritatively at the young girl. Vespyr was dumbfounded that she was to be punished also. He should have been consoling her, not scolding.

“I’m sorry, Professor,” She shook her head as she fiddled with her fingers, “I can’t imagine why I’m being punished.” She said truthfully.

“It’s you in the photos, is it not?” He tilted his head forward, his old eyes widening slightly.

Vespyr chuckled almost, “Well yes, but— Professor, I-I’m a victim. I’ve done nothing wrong. My only crime is caving to pressure.” She explained.

Dumbledore sighed and stood up. He went to the bookshelf in the corner of the room. Vespyr turned in her chair to follow him. He placed a hand on his hip and looked back at her.

“Miss Morgan, let’s not be deluded. You have a mind of your own and you’ve used it very keenly in the past. You used that independent mind of yours to decide to take those photos of yourself and give them to whomever you did. Does that diminish the seriousness of what has been done to you? No, it does not. But you are responsible for it in a sense. No one can make you do anything against your will.” Dumbledore said.

Vespyr felt a lump rising in her throat. She didn’t care what anyone thought. She didn’t care if she had decided on her own to give those photos to Fred. The fact of the matter was that they were meant for only him. They were given to him, someone she trusted, during a time when she thought they were in love. Yes, she had given him the photos on her own accord, but it didn’t mean the world got to see them as well.

She grabbed her bag and darted for the door. Dumbledore stepped in her way before she could leave. “Now just wait a minute, Miss Morgan.”

“No. You know what? You have no idea what it’s like to be a young girl in a cruel world like this. A world that shames you for showing too little, as well as shaming you for showing too much. A world that tells you that you must give yourself to a man or else you’re a prude, but also tells you that it makes you some kind of whore if you do decide to have sex. You and people like you wanna place the blame on us girls because you know deep down that you enabled this.” She spit at him.

Dumbledore had stepped back from her, his firm expression faltering at her bold language.

“You, Headmaster, have turned a blind eye to the barbaric environment in this school. You’ve allowed the quidditch teams to harass and torment the female population at Hogwarts by your continued dismissal of that list. And now, to feel less guilty about it all, you intend to place blame onto me.” She continued.

Her hands were balled into fists so tight that her fingernails broke the skin on her palm. She could feel the tears brimming her eyes.

Doesn’t anyone have any sympathy for me?

“Miss Morgan, are you trying to tell me that someone on one of the quidditch teams is responsible for this?” He asked her.

She calmed down very fast, Fred’s dimpled smile coming into her mind. Her anger subsided suddenly as she realized that incriminating the quidditch team meant incriminating Fred. And as angry as she was with him, she didn’t want him to get in trouble. She hated that she still loved him enough not to make him pay.

The pounding in her heart stopped and sped up all at the same time. Her fists unclenched, blood trickling down her palm. She wiped away the tears that formed in her eyes. Some of the blood on her hands smeared on her cheek.

“That’s not my point.” She said firmly. Vespyr sighed as she looked at Dumbledore’s minimally concerned face. “Punish me if you must. It’s not like it’s any worse than anything else that’s happened to me.”

~

Luckily, someone in the world did have sympathy for Vespyr.

Professor McGonagall only gave her an extra study hall as her punishment. But honestly, the extra study hall spared Vespyr from seeing her vicious peers, so it wasn’t much of a punishment. It actually was a reward.

“The world is unkind, Vespyr. Someday I hope you’ll remember what I’ve done for you and make it kinder.” McGonagall had said to her.

Vespyr walked into the common room after her study hall at the end of the day. When she did, all eyes were on her. She’d grown used to the stares, the whispers. But she still got a chill when she felt them.

As she walked past Harry, Ron, and Hermione, she heard Hermione whisper something. “Careful, I hear libertinism is catching these days.” She said and Ron snickered.

Vespyr stopped walking. She closed her eyes and sucked in a sharp breath.

She couldn’t let it go on any longer. If she couldn’t defend herself then she had nothing. From the beginning, she resided to ignoring the comments being made about her. But seeing the way Hermione, a girl so intelligent and remarkable, talked about her made her unimaginably angry.

Vespyr turned, “You know, you talk a lot of shit.” She snapped at the other Gryffindor girl.

Hermione wavered slightly. Ron and Harry fell silent along with rest of the room.

Vespyr’s eyes glanced over to Fred, who sat in the corner with George and Lee. His eyes looked sadly upon her, as if he were pleading with her.

Please don’t do this to yourself. His eyes said. Please.

But Vespyr wouldn’t stop.

“Excuse me?” Hermione scoffed.

Vespyr stood her ground, “You heard me, Hermione.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

Hermione’s lips curled into an uncomfortable smirk. Angelina, Alicia, and Katie all quietly laughed as they watched the exchange. And then Ginny stood up.

“Just who do you think you are?” Ginny asked.

“I’m a fucking human being, that’s what I think! And you know what? Yeah, I took those pictures of myself and they got out. You all have made it your job not to let me forget. I’ve been called every name and been the butt of every joke under the sun this past month. And all the time, I’ve had no one but Lavender and Parvati by my side.” She said as she tried not to cry.

She looked at Fred and he looked away from her. He felt guilt course through him as he saw the pain in her expression.

“You all are angry with me but you aren’t at all angry with the person who did this.” Vespyr could feel her emotions coming undone.

Fred could hear it in her voice. It was like he was connected to her. He could feel the ache in her heart as if it were his own. He hated that he was the cause of that ache. He’d rationalized what he did to Vespyr by saying it was to protect Ginny, because it was, but that thought just wasn’t enough anymore as Vespyr stood in front of him broken to bits.

He stood up and walked to Vespyr, “That’s enough, let’s get you upstairs-”

“The person that deceived me with flowery language. That gained my trust only to betray it!” She pushed against his chest harshly and he stumbled backwards.

She turned and faced the other side of the room where the rest of the boys were. “Why is it always us that has to be held responsible for your wrongdoings? How come we’re ridiculed and called whores while you all suffer no consequences. Why does no one every get angry at you for victimizing us?” She sobbed at the empty expressions of Cormac McLaggen and others.

When she turned back, she saw that Hermione was red-faced and had a guilty look in her eyes. Everyone else was eerily silent and stared at Vespyr in shock. The only sound audible was Vespyr’s heavy breathing.

“Vespyr, I-” Hermione tried to speak, but Vespyr’s eyes found Ginny again.

Vespyr charged at the fiery-haired girl, “It would have been you. Had Fred not been there, it would have been you on that stupid list and not me. You should thank me!” She screamed at her and Ginny flinched.

Fred forcefully intervened, grabbing Vespyr by the shoulders and pulling her away from his sister. “Enough.” He said firmly. “I’m taking you back to your dorm.”

Vespyr felt anger and sadness boiling deep within her. She couldn’t decide between the two emotions because both were so strong. As Fred guided her up the steps to her dorm, she felt him pulling him into her chest. She couldn’t resist burying her face in his shirt, and she hated herself for it.

Fred sat her down on the bed and Vespyr couldn’t meet his eyes. “Your pajamas,” He said.

Vespyr shook her head, “What?”

“Um... I forgot where you keep them.” He said softly.

Vespyr felt like vomiting. She couldn’t believe that she had presented herself that way in the common room. She wasn’t the kind of person who told people how she felt so openly. She certainly wasn’t one to hysterically scream and cry in front of people. As if she wasn’t humiliated enough, now she had done this.

She crossed her arms over her chest, “Second drawer down on the left side.” She said softly.

Fred hurriedly went to her drawer and fished out a pair of blue pinstripe pajama pants and a blush pink sweater. He remembered that combination after the first night he made love to her.

He placed the neatly folded pajamas next to her. He noticed how she still looked away from him and he felt his heart sink. Her silky hair shined in the dim light of the dorm room. Dainty fingers fidgeted in her lap nervously as her knee bounced up and down.

Fred could feel the urge to brush her hair away so he could see her. He ached you run his fingers through it like he had done so many times before.

Vespyr could feel his attention on her. She should have wanted him to leave, but she felt comforted by him just being there. Instead of wanting to push him out of the room, she wanted to pull him down in the bed with her.

Finally Fred spoke, “Look, Vess-”

“I know, you’re sorry. You’ve told me.” Vespyr interrupted.

Fred sighed, slightly aggravated that she hadn’t let him speak. He sat down next to her and it took Vespyr by surprise. But she was even more shocked when he took her hands in his.

Oh, how she missed the feeling of his skin on hers.

“No, just listen.” He looked at her but she wouldn’t look at him. His thumb ran across her soft skin, rubbing in the crystal tears that fell onto her hands.

“From the moment I met you all those years ago, I vowed to myself that you would be the only girl I ever loved. And even though I’ve had other lovers and girlfriends before you, I always knew that in the end I would only be with you. Because you’re the only person I ever want for the rest of my life. That night that we first made love, I promised to myself I would never hurt you, and if I did I would work everyday to make it up to you.” He squeezed her hands gently.

Vespyr felt her throat closing up. She never knew that he had loved her all that time. For almost a decade, the two of them had loved each other and didn’t know it. She wished that he had given her a sign that he felt the same way.

“So, that’s what I want to propose to you now. I want to know if you’ll let me make it up to you. Because I love you, Vespyr Morgan. And I’m completely and totally uninterested in living a life without you. And I know that I’m a bloke for what I did, and I’d bet on the fact that I’ll fuck up countless times over. But I promise, if you give me a chance, I will do my best to make sure that it’s me that gets hurt and not you.” He placed a hand on her cheek.

Vespyr felt herself rest into his touch. Her tears pooled in his hand. She tried to resist kissing his palm, but her lips were on his calloused skin before she even realized it.

In all honesty, she wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t know whether to forgive him and kiss him tenderly, or tell him to sod off and slap him. Obviously he wasn’t deserving of her forgiveness. What he did to her was vile and careless. But goodness, she was so in love with him. And when he looked at her with those puppy dog eyes, she felt like she’d been hypnotized.

Her mind was foggy and her heart had found it’s way to her throat. So when she said what she did next, she almost didn’t hear the words fall from her lips.

“I forgive you.” She said.

Fred settled for a moment before she spoke again.

“I forgive you,” She swallowed, “but I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” She finished.

Fred’s heart dropped yet again. What had he expected? For her to just easily fall back into his arms after what he’d done? She could never trust him again, obviously. How could she be with someone she didn’t trust?

“I do want you to make it up to me, Fred. I may not forget it, but I’m willing to put behind me. Because I love you too, and as angry as I’ve been with you, being away from you has been agony.” She rested her hand on his neck.

Tears pricked Fred’s eyes. He wasted no time pulling the younger Gryffindor into a kiss. He’d missed the way her lips melded to his and the way she warmed under his touch.

He knew as he kissed her that he would rather die than ever hurt his darling again. She was the most prized thing in the world to him, and he’d be damned if she ever suffered at his hand again.

They pulled away and Vespyr rested her head on his shoulder in a hug. Fred gently rubbed her bag, nestling his nose in her candy-scented hair. The two magical beings relished in the moment.

“I love you, Vespyr. More than anything. And I promise that I’m yours as long as you’d like me to be.” Fred spoke.

Vespyr held him tighter as he spoke, squeezing her eyes shut. “I love you, Fred. I will love you for as long as I live.”

[twdeadfanfic]

Feral Pt. 8

Daryl Dixon x OC

Summary:  Daryl is on a run with Rick when, in a warehouse, they find a woman who attacks them, and who reminds Daryl to a lioness…or a feral cat, and who doesn’t seem to trust anyone, including them, but Daryl finds himself going back to the warehouse, trying to get that feral to go with him to the prison, and to earn her trust.

Chapter 8/10

Last chapter...Daryl and Dana kissed!

You can find my other fics in my masterlist.

Back at the prison, Daryl felt all eyes on him and Dana, as if people knew what had happened between them, that they were now together as a couple, though probably it was all in his head, there was no way for them to know. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep it secret, not at all, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit shy about it, besides he was sure Rick was going to have the time of his life teasing him about it.

Dana, though, didn’t seem to mind at all that people looked at them or what they thought, or if they seemed to notice something different between them, or if it was all in Daryl’s head. On their way to the kitchen area to clean their hunted pieces, they walked near Kate, and when she looked at them, Dana held to Daryl’s arm and rubbed the side of her head against his arm like she had done the day before to “mark him as hers.”

Daryl blushed, couldn’t help it, getting flustered and shy, but he also couldn't help his snort. Was she really jealous? Daryl thought it was ridiculous, but at the same time, the idea sent something weird to his belly. He didn’t think anyone had been jealous over him ever before. She had no reason to feel like that, though, and Daryl hoped she knew. Dana looked at him and smiled, but she didn’t seem upset, if something she seemed amused, and she headbutted his shoulder softly once more.

“Come on, kitten,” Daryl said, couldn’t help his soft, silly smile as he looked at her, ignoring everyone around even if for a second. “Let’s clean this and get it ready to stew it.”

*

That evening, Daryl was torn between having dinner with Dana in any of their cells, like sometimes they did even if now Dana dealt better with people and sometimes dined in the canteen, or going with everyone else. It wasn’t strange for him to dine alone, everyone knew it by now, but sometimes during dinner he got the chance to catch up with the others, especially if it had been a busy day, and today, he and Dana had come back pretty later than usual. Yes, they had kind of gotten distracted here and there, Daryl still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of Dana kissing him, wanting to be with him, couldn’t help the weird things in his belly, and every time Dana caught him looking at her like that, in wonder and awe, she’d seem amused and she’d stop to kiss him again, which had proven to be pretty distracting. But still, they had managed to hunt quite a few pieces, and so Daryl didn’t feel too guilty.

Since it was later than usual while they cleaned their pieces, Daryl offered to get dinner ready too, letting the grateful guy on kitchen duty had some more free time, and Dana helped him to get everything ready to make stew in several big pots, so it’d last them for more than that night.

“So…what you wanna do, eat with everyone else or alone?” Daryl asked while they cleaned everything.

“Don’t care.” Dana shrugged. “Maggie and Glenn were planning runs.”

“Alright, we can go have dinner with everyone else, see if they have come up with somethin’?”

“Alright.” Dana shrugged again, and then, while Daryl was distracted putting a pot in its place, she suddenly tugged at him and pecked his lips, taking him by surprise, and Daryl couldn’t help the blush that tinted his cheeks. It seemed to be the reaction that Dana was looking for, as she smiled, seeming amused. They had just been together for a few hours, and she’d already proved that she liked to get him all flustered when he least expected it. It made him feel silly, and yet, Daryl couldn’t help his small, bashful smile. Chewing on his lip, he pushed past his shyness to wrap his arm around Dana, holding her to his side.

“Come on, kitten, let’s feed these people.”

While they had dinner sat down with the others, Daryl tried to pay attention to what Maggie and Glenn were saying, really tried, but sometimes it seemed as if his eyes wanted to wander to Dana, who was sat down near him, his mind still in awe at the idea of them being now together, that she wanted him like that, and even though it still made him nervous and maybe even a bit, just a bit, scared, whenever his eyes wandered to her, Dana would look at him too, a tiny smile tugging at the corner of her lip, and Daryl couldn’t stop his own, looking away quickly every time before he got too flustered.

He was afraid the others noticed that something was going on, though, he could already see Rick smirking and arching his eyebrows at him, and Daryl rolled his eyes, looking away from Rick and towards Glenn and Maggie, but they too seemed kind of amused, though Daryl hoped that it was his mind playing tricks on him. He’d teased and made fun of Glenn and Maggie sometimes getting caught up on each other, oblivious to everything else, and now it seemed as if he was doing the same, but he couldn’t help it, even if it was embarrassing.

“You think they know ‘bout us?” Daryl asked to Dana when they were in the corridor at the outside of their cells, and she smirked and nodded. “Oh…” He couldn’t help his shyness.

Dana frowned. “Don’t want them to?”

“No…just…I don’t care, just…” Daryl honestly didn’t care what the other thoughts, and still, his shyness was there. “Just…”

“Shy,” Dana smirked and Daryl was glad that she didn’t think he might be embarrassed about being with her or something stupid like that.

“Yeah…I guess…” Daryl admitted, looking down and fidgeting. “Ain’t lookin’ forward to them joking’and teasin’…” He guessed he’d have it coming for having messed like that with Maggie and Glenn…and yet… “Rick’s bein’ a prick and teasin’ me about you since you came here already.”

“Yeah?” Dana’s smirk went bigger. “About?”

“Nothing, he was just bein’ stupid on purpose…” Daryl shrugged, though now that he thought about it, maybe Rick hadn’t been so stupid after all. Dana didn’t say anything, but suddenly she was tugging at him to peck his lips, once more taking him by surprise.

“It’s fun,” she said. “Teasing you.”

Daryl scoffed, flustered, hating that once again he was blushing. “Pff…maybe you’re spendin’ too much time with Rick lately…”

Dana grinned. “It’s fun. ‘Cause you’re shy.”

“Yeah, whatever…” Daryl rolled his eyes, scoffing, but his burning cheeks betrayed him. “Let’s get some sleep.”

“Can I sleep here?” Dana nodded towards his cell.

“You uh…you wanna?”

Dana shrugged. “Only if you do.”

“Yeah…” Daryl nodded, swallowing hard.

He didn’t know what to do, and so he went directly to the unmade bed, sitting down on it as Dana walked behind him, and kicking off his boots before lying down on the bed without even thinking about changing clothes, his mind too busy at the idea of Dana joining him to sleep…The cot was small, and Daryl hoped she wouldn’t be uncomfortable, or that he’d push her or kick her while they slept, or something, and she’d decide to leave and go back to her cell… Maybe he should drag another mattress there like Maggie and Glenn had done…or maybe he had gotten ahead of himself…or maybe…

Daryl lost his train of thoughts when he realized that after taking off her boots, Dana was pulling off her trousers too, and Daryl didn’t know if she did it to sleep more comfortable or if she was just trying to mess with him and get him all flustered again, or both, but he tried his best not to look away, not to get flustered, failing only a tiny bit.

Dana looked at him and Daryl lied down on the bed, moving towards the wall to leave room for her on the bed. Dana lied down, propping herself on an elbow to look at him, smiling softly, and Daryl swallowed hard, feeling those butterflies in his belly again. She reached out her other hand to softly caress his face and hair, and Daryl’s eyes closed as a content sigh escaped his lips.

“Shy. But cute,” Dana whispered, and then she leaned to kiss his lips, and Daryl didn’t try to fight her words, too busy kissing her. Dana pulled back, smiling at him, before she lied down, resting her head on his chest and throwing an arm over him, and even one of her legs, snuggling to him as much as possible, and Daryl couldn’t help but love the feeling.

Daryl wrapped his arm around her, holding her to him, and when he began to stroke her arm softly, he swore he could almost hear her purr like an actual cat. “Night, kitten,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head, and Dana snuggled even more to him, holding to his shirt as if she didn’t want to let go of him, and…Daryl would be lying if he didn’t say that he loved it. It still might feel unreal and a bit scary, this having a relationship thing, but…it felt too good, being snuggled on bed with Dana, good enough for him to want to not overthink it and just enjoy it for once.

When Daryl woke up, Dana was still snuggled to him, lying over his chest, face almost buried on the crook of his shoulder, and Daryl couldn’t help how content he felt or the smile that spread across his face. He tightened his arm around her and nuzzled her hair, wondering if he’d ever felt like this before, so warm, and content and just…so good.

Maybe having a relationship didn’t have to be scary after all, maybe things would be the same between them, but now he could hold her to him, kiss her, and all the things that made him feel those bubbly butterflies in his belly, making him feel a bit silly, but at the same time, too good to care about it being silly or not.

He felt Dana pressing her lips against his neck and then she was looking up from his shoulder to give him a lazy smile. “Morning, kitten,” Daryl said quietly, reaching out to brush her knuckles across her cheek gently, a bit in awe about being waking up with her, about how it made him feel, but the gesture of affection seemed to come naturally to him somehow.

Dana nuzzled his neck again and she shifted to straddle his hips, looking down at him. She smiled again, reaching down to caress his face softly and then run her fingers through his hair, before she leaned to kiss his lips, and Daryl could swear that he felt himself melt. When their lips parted, Daryl had his eyes still closed, and he felt Dana placing kisses along his neck. He took a sharp breath when Dana sucked on his skin, and she pulled away to look at him.

“Okay?” She asked and Daryl nodded. Dana smiled and kissed his lips softly before going for his neck again. “Mine…” She murmured before she sucked on his neck again, and Daryl wondered if she was actually trying to mark him. He snorted but couldn’t help but get a bit flustered too, and he reached to cup her face, gently making Dana look at him.

“Hey…you ain’t really jealous are you,” he asked softly and Dana didn’t say anything. “You don’t gotta be…there’s…” Daryl chewed on his lip, trying to push past his shyness. Dana was sat down on his lap, without trousers, how in the world he was still shy, but talking about feelings had never been his forte. “There’s no one else I’d like to…to be like I’m with you, to have what we have.”

Dana smiled at that, caressing his face again before kissing his lips. “I’m yours,” she whispered, and Daryl couldn’t stop the butterflies in his belly even if he was flustered too. “Don’t want to be with anyone else.” Daryl’s heart was beating hard against his chest and he didn’t know what to say, and so he decided to just pull Dana even closer and kiss her lips again.

Eventually, Dana sat up, looking down at him, running her hands down his chest and Daryl chewed on his lip as she looked at her above him, swallowing hard when one of Dana’s hands found its way under his shirt, Dana smiled softly at him when she noticed it.

“Shy…” She whispered, pecking his lips before Daryl could try to negate it, no matter he was blushing. “Cute,” she whispered before pecking the tip of his nose, and somehow the gesture made Daryl feel like he was melting again.  Dana sat up again and smiled at him softly before nodding towards the closed door of the cell. “Hunting?”

Despite the dark sheet that covered the door of his cell, Daryl could see light outside, filtering into the cell, and he knew it was later than usual. He could hear people’s voices around too, the prison waking up. “Yeah…” He nodded, he couldn’t spend all day lying in bed with Dana…Daryl didn’t think he had ever wanted to spend the day in bed, he’d drive himself crazy with the inactivity, but maybe that was before he had Dana in bed with him, snuggled to him and kissing him, and…and he really needed to start moving.

Daryl sat up, Dana still on his lap, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, kissing him again before he could do anything, and he let out a sound of surprise against her lips before he found himself melting into her again. Dana pulled back as suddenly as she had kissed him, and she got up from his lap, stepping out of the bed. She bent down and picked up her discarded trousers, walking to the door and lifting the curtain without bothering to put the trousers on.

“You’re gonna just go out with no trousers on?” Daryl snorted, but it didn’t surprise him.

Dana shrugged. “My cells next to yours.” She left his cell but reappeared a few minutes later, fully dressed, looking at him from the door while Daryl finished getting ready too, tying his boots.

“Let’s grab some breakfast and get going,” he told her and Dana nodded. As he stepped out of his cell, Daryl glanced towards hers and then at her, chewing on his lip. “You uh…if you wanna…if you wanna you can move your stuff to my cell?” Daryl couldn’t help his nerves as he looked at her, wondering if he was getting ahead of himself, if he shouldn’t have asked, he was a bit clueless in this having a relationship thing, but to his relief, Dana grinned and nodded, before suddenly pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

Daryl couldn’t help the blushing of his cheeks, and that his first instinct was to look around, see if someone had caught them kissing, and yet when Dana smiled softly at him and reached down to take his hand, lacing her fingers with his and tugging at him to walk with her, he found that he couldn’t really care about someone seeing them holding hands. They were together, and if it made him feel that good, then there was no point feeling embarrassed or anxious about it, when he could just let himself enjoy it for once.

*

Daryl woke up once again with Dana in his arms, and even after weeks together, it still made him smile and snuggle to her, content and warm. He found himself lazing in bed too often now, when before he usually jumped out of it to get things done, go out to the woods…but he couldn’t help himself with Dana there, lying next to him, curled up to him.

Dana was lying on her side and she seemed still asleep, her warm back pressed against his chest as Daryl curled up around her, tightening the arm that he had wrapped around her. Daryl kissed her shoulder and then nuzzled her hair, letting out a content sigh. He felt Dana waking up and then she turned around in his arms to give him a lazy smile before pecking his lips, and she burrowed her face on his chest, snuggling to him and wrapping her arms around him too.

“We have to go hunting,” Daryl murmured though he didn’t move a bit, and Dana hummed and nodded without moving either. “You make me lazy…” Daryl complained, chuckling.

Dana pulled back to look at him, arching an eyebrow, seeming amused. “Me?”

“Yeah, you…” Daryl nuzzled her neck, smiling when she laughed as he tickled her. “Being like this.”

“Like what?” Dana reached out to stroke his hair, brushing it away from his face but Daryl just shrugged, he didn’t know how to explain to her everything that she made him feel, and he felt too shy to try to say it aloud. He hoped she understood it without words, though. Dana smiled softly, kissing his lips before pulling back. “Come on. Hunt.”

*

Waking up with Dana in his arms, lying over his chest, was not strange or surprising for Daryl anymore, but it felt as good as the first day, and it made him as lazy as the first day, wanting to just snuggle on the bed with her, warm and content, for a little bit. It was early enough that he didn’t have to hurry out of the bed, early enough for him to allow himself to be lazy even if just for a moment…They had to go on a run, but the prison was still dark and silent. Daryl nuzzled Dana’s hair softly, wrapping his arm more tightly around her when he felt her waking up, snuggling to him even more.

Daryl was caressing her hair carefully and then he let his fingers brush over her shoulder and neck, moving over the scar that marked her skin down her neck and to her back without realizing it, until he felt Dana freezing in his arms. “Sorry…” He apologized in a whisper.

“They marked me like cattle,” she said bitterly.

Daryl kept stroking her shoulder as he chewed on his lip, unsure about asking her or not… “Who did this?”

“Assholes.”

“Yeah, I…I had figured that much…” Daryl didn’t press it, though, just kept stroking her skin softly, curled up with her, and he was about to tell her that they should stop being lazy and get to work, they had to go to a run, when Dana spoke.

“I was alone, had been for days, a group of men found me…thought they were going to help me, they said they would…they didn’t. Took me to their settlement, old campsite, big…there were two women there, they didn’t look at me, didn’t talk to me, seemed scared, I didn’t like it, I tried to walk away, they didn’t let me…then I saw cages, there were people in them…” Dana explained quietly, and Daryl had to wonder again how there were so many fucked up people in the world, now all teaming up, it seemed.

“They wanted me to clean the place with the other two women and have sex with them. I bit off the lip of the one who tried to kiss me…”

Daryl could almost see it, but he wished he could actually see it, see his feral kitten biting off the lip of an asshole who tried to force himself on her…he was boiling in anger but tried to keep it down, and he kissed the top of Dana’s hair.

“They were angry…held me and beat me…I thought they’d kill me but they didn’t, threw me in one of the cages. There were some men and women in them, some were hurt. Nobody spoke to me or looked at me. I didn’t know what was going on…” Dana kept going, and Daryl thought it was the longest he’d heard her speak, and so he stayed quiet, letting her do it, wanting to know and also wanting her to get it out of her system.

“I found out at night. Each night, those assholes got bored and drunk, picked up two people from the cages, gave them knives, made them fight until one of them was dead. Someone told me that the ones who tried to resist it and didn’t fight, were shot and killed…so they killed you and your rival if you didn’t fight. They branded us with irons, made patterns and marks so they knew who we belonged to, would take bets to see whose fighter would win.” Daryl had seen a lot of shit both before walkers and after, but that was more than sick.

“Whenever they picked me, I’d fight…I killed people. I…I didn’t want to…I didn’t…but…a man pointed the gun to my head, told me to finish the job or he’d kill me and then the other person…so I…I…I did it…every night they picked me…I’d kill the other person before they, or the men, killed me…but I didn’t want to…I didn’t…”

Dana looked up from his chest, tears falling down her eyes as she swallowed hard, and Daryl didn’t think he’d ever seen her looking like that. He hated it, it hurt, it was a dart to the heart, and he hated that she’d gone through something like that. He couldn’t imagine it. “I know, kitten, I know…” He whispered, trying to comfort her, to reassure her, wishing that he knew how to make it better, hating that he didn’t know what to do or say. He kissed her lips, tasting her tears, before Dana snuggled to him again, tight, and Daryl wrapped his arms around her, holding her to his chest tightly, feeling her shaking.

“So I…I kept killing…until I was picked every night…until…until there was nobody else in the cages but me…” Dana swallowed hard. “I thought that they’d kill me now, I had murdered all those people just to be killed anyway. But they said they were going out to find more people…or walkers for me to fight, if they didn’t find anything else. Left a couple of men watching the place. Idiots. Called for one of them, took off my clothes, told him I was bored and to get in the cell with me. Idiot. He thought I was going to unzip his pants, I took the knife from his belt, slit his throat. Went for the other man, gutted him before he could shot me. The two women were scared, told them I’d help them but they…they seemed scared of me…wouldn’t let me close…they took some stuff and ran away…”

On one side, Daryl thought that those women were idiots, but on the other, he could understand them a bit, he’d seen how Dana could be when she got feral, and the women had seen her fighting and killing people every night, even if she was forced to do so, and Daryl could see her, maybe naked and bloodied after killing the two men. Still, probably those women would have been better off with her, safer and protected.

“I didn’t run. Went to the armory, took a riffle. Climbed on top of their lookout, waited for the other men to come back, shoot at them all. All the bullets. They didn’t see it coming. Then I left…was on my own until Rick and you found me.” Dana didn’t say anything else, and Daryl didn’t know what to say either, he was afraid of saying the wrong thing, but it felt wrong to just stay silent after Dana had told him everything.

“I…uh…I’m sorry…” Daryl muttered, it was lame but he didn’t know what else to say, and he felt Dana nodding. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” If only he could take her pain and trauma from her…”I uh…”

Daryl hated that he didn’t know what to say, that he wasn’t good with words. Dana didn’t seem to mind, she sat up, stroking his cheek and leaning to kiss it before she pulled back again. “We got a run. Come on.”

“Wait…” Daryl sat up and wrapped his arms around Dana before she could pull back, and he kissed her forehead, feeling pleased when it made her smile. “Nothing like that it’s ever gonna happen to you again, alright? I ain’t gonna let that happen,” Daryl assured her and Dana nodded in silence. “Not that you need me, I’ve seen you fighting, you’re a lioness…” Daryl murmured shyly, but he meant it, when he saw Dana’s smirk,he didn’t care about shyness anymore. Still, even if she was badass and a fighter, a survivor, so strong and skilled, Daryl would do anything in his hand to keep her safe, to take care of her, to protect her life with his if needed. He had the feeling that Dana thought the same about him, though. “But…I ain’t letting anyone hurt you ever again.”

Dana gave him that small half-smile. “I know,” she whispered before leaning to kiss his lips, and when she pulled back, Daryl leaned to hold his forehead against hers.

“Thank you for telling me all that,” he told her quietly. “I know it ain’t easy…I appreciate it. Thank you.”

Dana nodded, her forehead nudging his. “I trust you,” she whispered, and somehow, her words alone made Daryl feel like he could melt as something twirled in his belly.

“And I trust you too,” he murmured.

Dana pulled back and smiled at him. “I’m not letting anyone hurt you either,” she said quietly before kissing his lips again. “Come on. We got a run.”

The run was as good as it could go. As always, they didn’t find as many stuff as they’d have wanted, but that was usual, everything was scarcer and scarcer each new run, and Daryl knew they were lucky they had the prison with orchards, farming and hunting their own food, building their own stuff, for when every place ran dry and there wouldn’t be a chance to find stuff on runs as often anymore. But nobody had been hurt, and that was the important thing.

There had been walkers around, and so Daryl had seen once more how Dana could go from the kitten that shared his bed and snuggled to him, to the feral cat that fought walkers ferociously, viciously sinking her knife into their heads. She was skillful but sometimes it worried Daryl how she just threw herself at walkers, no matter that she always came on top, dead bodies piling up around her. Whenever he told her, though, Dana just rolled her eyes and pecked his lips to shut him up and, Daryl was pretty sure, to get him flustered too.

It always came to his mind how Rick, Carol, and the others always told him to be careful when on runs he didn’t think it twice about throwing himself at walkers, putting them down before they could hurt any of his family, trusting his skill…now he was experiencing first hand how it was to worry about someone doing the same, though if he was honest, he still did it. But now, they had each other, Dana and him, fighting together, having each other’s back, protecting their family, making sure no walker or any threat could get to them, and even if he’d be embarrassed to say it aloud. Daryl sometimes, sometimes, allowed himself to think that maybe together, they could be unstoppable.

*

We got fluff, and Dana’s backstory, and more fluff. I hope you liked the chapter. If you did, please let me know your thoughts in a comment, and as always, reblogs are more tha welcome. We got back to action next chapter! (But, no, won’t follow the prison show plotline).

As always, excuse my English.

I’ll reblog this with the taglist in a second.

[soulvomit]

stuff with gender anguish about not fitting in with today’s current gender constructions

From another post I made: I need to talk about 20th century gender norms at some point as a living breathing 20th century fossil and how different it was. To most straight people, being gender non conforming meant gay, trans was on the far end of the gay spectrum, and gay was associated with being socially Not Normal at a time when you had to be Normal to get a white collar job. (The whole Normalhood thing im gonna talk about is VERY connected to mid-late 20th century construction of the white middle class.) Apropos of gender specifically... I’m not sure how 90s/00s genderfluid/genderqueer map to NB, or whether they do. It’s a big reason I am weird about IDing as NB - because it seems to mean something else than my particular understanding of my identity as it was formed in the 1990s. (Another thing is my social world being more people over 45 at this point and also I’m in a hetero relationship.) Part of 90s GQ stuff was that you could identify as a man part time, a woman part time, you could contain multitudes. “Woman-identified person with a male side” was a legit identity within that, so was “man-identified person with a female side.” You could be one person in the streets and another in the sheets. You could be several people in the sheets, especially if you were aligned with kinky culture. (And for a long time... I was.) There was a greater sense in the 90s and early 00s in genderqueerness culture that you could be GQ for no other reason than wanting to be and it wasn’t assumed to be bundled with physical dysphoria or even desire to change your public social identity. Some spaces - like West Coast geek culture and goth culture - had enough flexibility baked in that we didn’t really need to go to LGBTQ culture to explore our identities, and there was a whole geek queer sensibility that was evolving alongside of the broader LGBTQ culture that was definitely its own... thing.  And while people *say* that NB doesn’t mean any one particular thing or any of these things, that’s not always the message I get when visible NBs on TV/in film are almost always at present one very specific image or “type” of person, and that doesn’t resemble me. NB representation on TV amounts to presenting NB as a third gender with very specific codified behaviors (androgynous AFAB person who binds and has body dysphoria).   The message I get is that whatever my experience is, is better described some other way. Also the discourse around relationships with NBs is that a relationship with an NB is necessarily a queer relationship yet having been in relationships in and out of LGBTQ culture, I’m not really sure how to distinguish “a queer relationship.” My relationship is non-traditional in lots of ways and we’re both gender non-conforming in lots of ways though it doesn’t parse to most people because it’s along the lines of stuff that shouldn’t have ever been gendered in the first place. What my partner does not ever question however is his actual gender identity.  The thing is, actually publicly identifying as anything but a woman would create weird problems in my life in terms of social dynamics, and other stuff, and probably an unpredictable series of ripple effects downstream. But - that... just means I’m closeted, right? And closeted doesn’t mean your identity doesn’t exist or isn’t as unreal as someone who isn’t? And what if - as a “shapeshifter” - my relationship to myself within my relationship *is* part of that shapeshifting?  One of the things is that I’m in a heterosexual relationship. My relationship *is* one of my few spots where I’m happy in my skin, let alone happy in the world and I have no complaints with how I’m perceived in this relationship, and part of it is that practically every assumption about my gender is true, or has been true at some point, including the fact that I’m fine with being seen as a woman in the context of my relationship.  It’s in other spaces besides the intimate, that gender stuff makes my skin crawl. My deep interior gender identity is “pixels floating in the ether, which can assume any shape or form.” My gender identity among other people in non sexual friend spaces is “friend.” My partner identifies as a cis het man. I don’t feel like my relationship has any special quality that’s different from queer relationships I’ve been in, other than identities people have. If my partner doesn’t feel our relationship is queer then I don’t feel it is, either... though it’s not exactly *traditional.*  I don’t feel like our relationship is different from our hetero neighbors’ relationships regardless of whatever history I have. I have no way of knowing what my ostensibly-female ostensibly-heterosexual neighbors’ interior identities really are, or what their history is. And because we’re monogamous, it just never ever comes up. Our social world is about half queer and half not so nothing has changed. After decades of only dating people who had LGBTQ identities, and having a particular social world, now I’m with a cis het man from that same social world and nothing really has changed about the shape of my life.   I’ve moved between different spaces my entire life, sometimes I perceived myself as a boy in a girl’s body, but sometimes I didn’t, and don’t. And gender is one of the spaces in which I feel like a chameleon. There seem to be a ton of gender expression based communities that disappeared since the 90s that either disappeared or were erased from discourse and that makes this weirder/harder to talk about.  Another thing is that a lot of the discourse around pronouns (if pushed I’ll say I’m she/they but I am literally comfortable in anything, depending upon context) makes me really uncomfortable. Even in LGBTQ spaces it makes me uncomfortable. There’s the me that my friends know, and some of my family knows, and it’s a big enough world to contain that part of me at this point. I would rather not put my identity under a microscope in any space that matters. It’s weird but I wish I could just be “they” in the work, creative, etc, spaces, without the loading of what “they” means. I wish it meant nothing about the people who love me, or who I love, or how I love, or how I live my life, besides what pronoun I use. But it doesn’t mean nothing. That is why I hope more cis identified people will actually identify as they in the public sphere. There are plenty of spaces in the public sphere that I don’t think should be gendered at ALL. My wanting to be a “they” is in some ways more about wanting public anonymity and having formed my sense of self - at a tender time - online, than about my gender identity. Which means I’d be potentially appropriating “they” from people for whom it IS a deep identity, and yet... haven’t I spent half of my blog talking about how I’m not exactly the gender identity I advertise?? Haven’t I spent a long time up to now advocating for “they?” Isn’t feeling like a they, evidence that I’m a they?  And the thing is, this is such a YMMV issue and the problem is that EVERYONE has competing access needs with EVERYONE ELSE. Anything one queer person wants or needs seems to oppress some other queer person, and it sucks. But sometimes I wonder if I even need to just recognize how cis het passing my life is and acknowledge my privilege. The thing is though at that point... is it how much oppression we’ve experienced or are currently experiencing, that alone makes our identity? That’s as silly an idea as saying I’m less of a Jew because I haven’t personally experienced a hate crime. And yes there’s a lot to shared oppression experiences forming group identities, but I’m not talking about group identity. I’m talking about personal feelings of identity.