#is this lowkey trauma dumping? abandonment issues?? idk feels too strong for just being incredibly anxious
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do you spend time trying to talk your brain out of believing everyone actually hates you, thinks you're stupid, annoying, and just don't want anything to do with you or are you normal?
#or even worse they're befriending you or are friendly out of sympathy that you don't have any actual friends#or they think you're cringey and pathetic bc you very clearly don't have many friends#i hate this feeling#i fucking hate that it is one of the many lasting consequences from my prev relationship#and that was like 7 years ago and she still manages to influence your thinking#you keep thinking you see the same patterns but know that it isn't the same and it's cruel to project her on everyone else#but the little voice just keeps pointing it out#and burdening the people around you with your insecurities and need for reassurance feels annoying#bc she told you it was annoying enough times#is this lowkey trauma dumping? abandonment issues?? idk feels too strong for just being incredibly anxious#i should delete this later#venting#to any irl friends read this i know (or i hope) this isn't the case and it's just my brain self sabotaging itself#i know its probably fine i know i know i know but fucking hell i cant make my brain shut up#i just feel so pathetic bc it feels so selfish#any of the things that my brain thinks its seeing is easily explained away by all sorts of external factors and i know that#but fuck what if it isnt#delete#im not sure even if i want to post this bc [literally another tangent about thinking it could be misconstrued as passive aggressive]#but maybe i just want some sort of validation? perhaps this is my way of asking for reassurance without asking directly#bc it feels like im fishing for compliments or whatever#im trying to explain my feelings while also adding a million caveats and arguments for both sides bc i know its ridiculous#the logic dictates thay this is irrational but the eberything else keeps saying otherwise and no one is winning#im tired now#ill probably also schedule this to go up at a weird time idk#rambling#ranting#dude idk
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