#is this like the weirdos i knew growing up who told me 'sucks' is a bad word or is this like

[lungfuls]

??? am I a bad parent if I say these words around my son...

[amysgoblinhorde]

The Anti-JK Rowling: Praise for TJ Klune

I am going to overshare. I do not apologise for this.

Way back in the mid 1990s, I was I young girl in school and I was badly suffering the years of harassment and abuse by my peers and also by the grown ups who should have cared for me. I was told I brought it on myself by being weird, I was told I was an attention seeker (yes, and can't you hear me cry for help?) and it was actually the lip curling disdain of the teachers that broke me the most.

I began to feel like maybe I did deserve it. I must have been so unpleasant, so hideous a person that others could see me for what I was and the universe itself was punishing me. I developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I kept checking mirrors to see if I could glimpse the monster, mocking myself whenever I thought I looked normal.

Anyway. It all came to a head in my third year, when I became admittedly a bit of an edgelord. I sucked in the darkness and screamed it out.

I was sent to a hospital school. This was a little tiny class of mixed ages for children who needed extra help. It was better here, I made friends - but I also learned a dark lesson here that no child should have to -

There is an appropriate face for trauma.

And I didn't have it. I was not the cute cancer kid. I was not the brave smiling little trooper. I was told by some of the staff in the hospital school that I didn't really belong there, I should consider myself lucky. One teacher said that those of us who were there for mental health issues were weak, we had failed. If we were braver we would be in a normal school.

I would have been 11 when the first Harry Potter book came out, though I didn't read any until sixth form college. I wanted to know what the fuss was about, a movie was being made.

I thought they were fun, as many did. But I can't pretend it didn't hammer an extra nail into my heart as it yet again told me that there was an acceptable face for trauma and it was not mine.

Harry Potter. He was written to be a good looking lad, sporty. Tragically dead parents that he didn't remember anything about. Suffered abuse, but it didn't break him in any inconvenient way. He was a tragically brave little hero with his friends the impossibly clever poster girl (who incidentally was very pretty when she wanted to be) and the token dweeb who appears to have mostly be written to prop up the other two.

Then we have Neville. His story was genuinely heartbreaking and yes it was addressed, but not really. His horrors are not something we talk about. Let's not go there, let's treat it like a dark embarrassing secret. But what a brave lad he is, standing up to his friends! Not for, you know, visiting his brain damaged parents and living with his abusive grandmother. No, no, it's the friends he stands up to. Brave silly Neville. Not the hero, of course. But isn't he brave?

And at last we come to TJ Klune. I read The House in the Cerulean Sea only recently. And wow. I laughed and cried in equal measure.

As with Harry Potter, we have a collection of magical youths, learning to navigate their powers as they grow. But the differences are diamond sharp, the focus instead on all the right things while still being joyful, fantastic and often hilarious.

How can this brilliant man get it so right in such a simple way? It's obvious, when you think about it.

All traumatised children matter.

There is no right face of trauma, least of all on a child, but hey let's not leave out the grown ups. At 40 years of age I thought I knew this, but I must have kept my younger self in a little cell in my mind (ahhh but she's different, she was a monster. We don't talk about her ...).

I was David. And I was Lucy. Why is it so much easier to forgive myself when I see myself as a yeti?

Children will lash out. Forgive yourself that. Children can be little weirdos, little balls of chaos and anger. That's okay. And no child's suffering should be ignored in favour of another, no matter what they look like or what they have done.

No child should be expected to be a poster boy hero, and no child should be chastised if they do not perform trauma right.

So yeah ... Thanks for reading until the end. And thanks to TJ Klune for making a 40 year old woman feel so many things, the strangest of all being forgiveness and acceptance of her 13 year old self.

Also, Chauncey is handsome as crap.

[midorishinji]

Immediate check-in

Satoru Gojo didn't believe in souls, not until he found a usurper in Suguru's body. He also didn't believe in Heaven, not until he faced Sukuna. — Suguru, do you regret anything? — Satoru asked, looking at him seriously. — After you die, there’s no more regret. It doesn't exist because there's no way to go back and change anything, it's useless. — Geto replied, a twinge of sadness behind his dark eyes — Despite that, I still think of how everything could have been different. I think of how many times I wished I had stayed by your side.

Satosugu ｜Oneshot｜Also published in Portuguese and on AO3

Satoru Gojo didn't believe in souls, not until he found a usurper in Suguru's body. The Six Eyes could say that it was him, his Suguru Geto, but he knew better than anyone else that it wasn't, and he was right. He could recognize his soul anywhere, and this was no longer the man he knew and loved, even if the shell was his.

He also didn't believe in Heaven, not until he faced Sukuna.

The image of an airport — a liminal space, how appropriate — was familiar. Three people were waiting for him on the benches, well-known figures: all of them still teenagers, before the world crumbled for good; Haibara never had the chance to grow, a flower that withered before fully blooming; Nanami still had the same haircut that Satoru had so often joked about in the years that followed, in his Jujutsu High uniform, his face still fresh as if he had never known hard work (inside and outside the jujutsu world); and Suguru was still the same teenager as before, with his hair tied back and his gentle smile that made small wrinkles form around his dark eyes.

— I think I lived a good life. — Satoru muttered, looking up over the lenses of his round sunglasses — At least, I'm happy to have died to someone stronger than me, and not to some illness or old age, that would suck.

— You sound like an old general saying that, come on… — Haibara replied, laughing.

—But it's true, isn't it? You're a weirdo who lives for battle, for the pleasure of using jujutsu. — Nanami agreed. Satoru ruffled his hair, teasing him, making Kento sigh in annoyance — It was a fitting end for you. I don't condone it, but I understand and sympathize with your intention.

— Wow, thank you, Nanamin, always so kind... — Gojo replied, with a hint of irony, even though part of him was being serious — And you, what happened to you? I always imagined you were the type to survive anything.

— Curses are curses. Everyone has their limits. — Nanami replied — A few years ago, Mei- san told me that if I wanted to rebuild my life from scratch, I should go north, but if I wanted to go back to the past and remember who I used to be, I should go south. That's what I picked... South. Malaysia would be nice. I'm such a nostalgic person, and yet, in the last moments, I bet everything on the future by trusting Itadori- kun . It wasn't as bad as I expected: it was quick, and Haibara was there for me. I have nothing to complain about... In the end, I'm grateful for everything.

Haibara smiled, the same smile as always, capable of illuminating even the worst darkness. He and Nanami got up, walking towards one of the boarding gates.

— Where are you going? — Satoru shouted, waving goodbye.

— Kuantan. We’re on vacation now. — Nanami replied, he and Haibara waving back.

A small smile appeared on Satoru's face: vacation... Well, if there was anyone who deserved it, it was Kento Nanami. He deserved the crystal clear waters and white sand of Malaysia, he deserved the cocktails, and Haibara's company as they formed the memories he wished they could have formed all these years.

Other people waved back to Satoru: Professor Yaga, Riko Amanai, and Misato Kuroi. Everyone went through the same gate, the inevitable portal through which we all shall pass one day. Paradise was a chance to meet all of those who left too soon, to live life the way we should have lived it. Paradise was the hope of a second chance, redemption.

— Suguru, do you regret anything? — Satoru asked, looking at him seriously.

— After you die, there’s no more regret. It doesn't exist because there's no way to go back and change anything, it's useless. — Geto replied, a twinge of sadness behind his dark eyes — Despite that, I still think of how everything could have been different. I think of how many times I wished I had stayed by your side.

Satoru Gojo couldn't deny that, on several occasions, he wished everything was different. He wished he could have been there when Suguru gave in to temptation and lost his path, his values. He wished they could have been teachers at Jujutsu High together, taking care of the kids. He wished he hadn't failed when it mattered the most.

— I can't say that I died satisfied like Nanamin. I could, if you had been with me, cheering for me when I went to face Sukuna. Without you by my side, it's like a piece of me is missing. — was Gojo’s reply, running his hands through his hair.

— I can’t say that I died satisfied either, and maybe that's why I'm still here, even after all this time. — Geto said — My girls are on the other side already, but I can't join them yet, I can't, because I'm still stuck to you, Satoru. When that crook used my body to attack you, I resisted and tried to stop it, even though it was useless. I tried to save you and I failed.

Satoru smiled. — I guess we're even then, right? Don't worry about it, Suguru. Seeing your arm, your soul , trying to stop him, that... That was enough for me not to give up. It was what made me sure that, somewhere, you were always looking out for me.

— I’ll always be, as long as you live, as long as I exist, Satoru, I will always be taking care of you.

As long as you live... The conclusion surprised Gojo. — Haven't I died yet?

— Not yet, that's why you can't go through that gate.

For the first time, Satoru Gojo cried. He cried like a child, until his shoulders shook with his loud sobs. Suguru played with his hair affectionately, and hugged him while they both cried: — You still have something to do back there, Satoru. You need to go back.

— I don't want that…! I don't wanna leave, Suguru, I don't wanna lose you again…! — the other replied, his voice trembling, his eyes wide with terror. Losing him again would be like ripping out his own heart and trampling on it; Gojo didn't even know how he had survived the first time, and he couldn't imagine a future where he would have to lose him again and again. He wanted rest, and the eternal happiness of Heaven, to walk along the beaches of Malaysia holding hands with Suguru, he wanted to have the chance to live what they never could because the world is cruel, despicable and unfair.

Even through his tears, Suguru smiled, holding Satoru's face as delicately as if he were made of crystal. — Satoru, I will always be with you, that's why I can't leave yet. Don't rush yourself to get back here, okay? I’ll always be here, waiting for you, so we can embark together. Always.

[mollybecameanengineer]

I have THOUGHTS on Maggie. (So many that I started to write them all in the tags and became annoyed because I couldn’t edit, so I’m going to say all of this out loud rather than whisper in the tags…)

Anyway. Starting at the beginning. I think that Maggie doesn’t really understand Scully, but she loves her a lot. Maggie was likely not a tomboy, and while she maybe didn’t understand Scully’s inclinations as a child, I think she accepted them and supported her. I think on Beyond the Sea we can see that her mom has accepted this whole FBI thing way more than her dad has.

Moving in to One Breath era. I think Maggie likes Mulder at this point. He’s a weirdo, but so is her daughter, and it is clear the weirdo only wants what’s best for Scully. I think we see in this episode that Maggie doesn’t really understand Melissa either — I honestly wonder how well any parent understands their adult children. It’s hard to have someone who was literally a piece of you diverge away. I think Maggie has this happen with all of her children, in various amounts. At this point Maggie may start being less supportive of the whole FBI thing, I think for obvious reasons. But I don’t think she blames Mulder or Scully for it.

Anasazi/The Blessing Way/Paper Clip. Here Melissa dies due to Scully’s involvement with the all this craziness. Moreover, I highly doubt that Scully is forthcoming about everything that is going on, so what Maggie has is half truths and a dead daughter (on top of one that almost died.) I don’t see Maggie blaming Mulder for any of this at this point, because I think Maggie sees Scully’s agency in everything that went down. On a good day I think Maggie is just scared for Scully (as she was the actual target) and in bad days blames her for Melissa’s death. But she feels awful about her dark thoughts on the bad days.

On the the Cancer Arc. I think the moment in Momento Mori where Scully has Mulder call her mom, and her mom shows up at the hospital and yells at her is the most telling moment in their relationship. From her mom’s point of view, her remaining daughter has cancer, told Mulder, and ran off to Pennsylvania chasing a lead. To Maggie it feels like Scully is being secretive and reckless, a perception that has only been growing since Melissa’s death. She might here have some resentment towards Mulder, that Scully trusts him more than her mother. (This I think is not unique in in-law relationships.) In Scully’s mind, she was trying to protect her mom from worry and wanted all the information before saying anything. And when she knew the truth, I think she had a lot of guilt about causing her mom to lose another child, and had Mulder call because she couldn’t face it. But poor Mulder in this situation…

Anyway, through the cancer stuff I still don’t think Maggie blames Mulder like Bill does. I think blaming Mulder is actually lined with misogyny, as it takes away Scully willing and active participation in everything. So, I think if Maggie blames anyone, it’s Scully. But I think she mostly wishes Scully would just stop endangering herself and get better.

Moving forward, I think Maggie becomes more supportive (and maybe less judgmental) when Scully is pregnant and Mulder is missing/dead. First, I think while she always knew there was something between Mulder and her daughter, the depth of it becomes clearer. And why her daughter couldn’t quit this quest might also be clearer. And then Mulder comes back from the dead, and Maggie now starts to get sucked into Mulder and Scully’s wacky world, and maybe she starts to understand even more. I think this is the point of most understanding and support.

But I think this is also where she starts to turn on Mulder. It was fine when he was dead, he didn’t know he’d knocked Scully up. But when he’s back and he and Scully are in a weird place, I can see Maggie getting annoyed that Mulder isn’t making an ‘honest woman’ of her daughter (Maggie is of a generation where that very much mattered, not to mention hella catholic.)

And then Mulder up and leaves. Again, she is very supportive of Scully, helping her a lot with William. And Maggie again sees how crazy Scully’s life is (she’s there when someone tries to kill William). I think she can see that Scully doesn’t want any of this anymore, and is trying to get out, and is therefore more sympathetic. But there is a lot of shit going down and Maggie likely thinks that Mulder should be there to help protect William (and Scully). Not to mention he ditched her daughter with an infant.

Finally, Scully gives up William and goes on the run with Mulder. Honestly, I don’t know if the mother/daughter relationship ever came back from this. We never know how Maggie responded to William’s adoption. Maybe she understood, having seen the danger first hand. Or maybe she didn’t, having lost her Melissa, she can’t imagine how Scully could have done this. And then Scully disappears to be with her somewhat insane baby daddy (sans baby). After everything her mom did for her, she Scully needed her, this is how it ends. (Granted, this is what it is to be a parent, but that doesn’t make it sting less.)

Likely when Mulder and Scully get the unremarkable house, there is a come to Jesus moment where people say their peace and some kind of order is restored. But I think Maggie, from The Truth on, always held some resentment toward Mulder about everything that went down (when he was absent) and towards Scully for giving up William and then running off.

Anyway, this is my essay on why I think like four of the options in this poll worked, but at different times in the show.

[libraryofloveletters]

Love Delivered To Your Doorstep

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of cheating, break ups and killing/serial killers. (<in a joking context) 

Category: fluff for the most part. 

Word Count: 3.9k

Author’s Note: Doesn’t follow canon, it has a little of buck begins in there but it doesn't follow a strict timeline. It also is written like Buck moves to LA and has his apartment from the moment he moves there while trying to figure out what he wants to do. 

-----

Texting and calling was never your choice method of communication. 

Letters had always been more of your thing. 

Truthfully, they hadn't been your thing until your boyfriend moved halfway across the country for university. The two of you met in high school, freshman year and became inseparable since. Growing together and promising to always love each other no matter what -you always knew that couldn't be true but it never stopped you from telling him. 

When he told you that he was going to be applying to UCLA during your senior year of high school, it came as a bit of a shock to you. The plan was always going to college together, get engaged when you were done school and then married with a house by 30. 

You held out the hope of that being possible until the day he showed you his acceptance letter. 

You were incredibly proud of him but it was real now, he was leaving. 

You watched him pack up his entire life and uproot himself from New York and moved across the country. You sent the first letter to him at what was supposed to be his apartment. 

September 30th.

‘Hi baby! 

Just writing to see how you're settling in. How’s UCLA ? Have you gotten a chance to go around and get to see the place ? I know you’re there for school but you've got to live a little too. Hope your neighbours are sweet, your mom told me it’s a pretty nice place and it’s got a good view, sounds like your type of place. Hopefully I can come visit you soon. 

I started my classes last week. My chem professor is a pain in my ass already, he expects us to read an entire textbook in a week - well not exactly an entire textbook but you get the point. My biology professor is a sweetheart, she showed us pictures of her kids and talked about them for an hour, I didn't realize being a mother was so interesting but she was cool. Also showed us a video of an appendectomy that one of her colleagues performed last week. How are your classes and professors ? 

Did I mention I bumped into Sam at the grocery store ? Yeah, he’s back and he’s not fine to tell you the truth. He seemed like he was ready to snap but that might just be my judgment. He said to tell you hello if I spoke to you so- hello :) 

I’m going to sign off here, I know this one is short but I don’t have much to update you on. Life’s been pretty dull without you. Hope you’re having fun out there, soaking up the sun for me.

Write me back soon, I love you. 

Yours always, y/n’

You mailed the letter the next day, a few weeks had passed before you received a letter back. Except this letter had a different sender name but the same address.

October 22nd. 

‘Hi y/n,

This isn't your boyfriend. (I'm assuming that’s who you're writing too based on the context of the letter) I’m Evan, I live in the apartment you thought belonged to your boyfriend or maybe you got the address wrong, I’m not sure.  I know you were waiting for an update on all these exciting things that are happening at UCLA. I do not go to UCLA nor can I update you in anything exciting that’s happening there, sorry.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing you back is because I figured you’d want to know that this isn't the correct address and the person you were looking for isn't here before you send another letter and get no response. I was debating if I should have even written you back, but here I am, writing you back. 

Your professor for chem seems like an ass to be honest (hope that’s not rude) and your biology professor sounds great, is she hot by the way ? because bonus points for that. Anyways, are you studying medicine ? I'm guessing yes because of the classes you're taking. I'm thinking of signing up to become a first responder but I haven’t decided yet on what yet or if I'm actually going to do it. Anyways, good luck on your classes and the shitty chem professor. 

Hope you find your boyfriend (again, assuming) 

Peace out, 

Evan.’

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. How could the letter you sent to your boyfriend’s apartment belong to someone else ? Why was there someone else living in his apartment ? You dug through your apartment, searching for the paper he left you with the address, you finally found it buried in a drawer.

The address on the paper was identical to the one that Evan sent to you and to the one you sent prior to that. Either your boyfriend was lying or you were losing your mind. 

November 4th. 

‘Dear Evan, 

I'm sorry that I sent the first letter to you and as you guessed, I was looking for my boyfriend who seems to be a bit MIA right now. His mother says that’s the right address and the place that she helped him move into. So I'm not really sure what’s happening there. Anyways, sorry for unloading all of that on you. 

To answer your question, yes, I am studying medicine and no, she isn't hot. My bio professor is a 65 year old woman who loves her college aged kids very much. If that’s your definition of hot, then yes - she's got milf status

Have you decided yet if you’re going to sign up to be a first responder ? That’d be pretty cool. Imagine all the girls swoon over you and how many girls you’d pick up just for being a paramedic or a firefighter. 

Wait, are you into girls ? Or guys ? You know, whoever you're into, just imagine how many of them you’d pick up. 

Also, you’re not a murderer or anything right ? because I rather not answer questions when the police come asking about why I've been sending letters to a serial killer. 

Anyways, signing off for now. 

Yours always, y/n. 

ps. if you do end up bumping into or meeting a guy that looks like my boyfriend, (tall, brown hair, brown eyes. he’s got a pierced ear and a little butterfly tattoo by his collarbone- though not sure why or how you'd see his collarbone) let me know or tell him that his girlfriend is looking for him.

Double ps, what size shirt do you wear ?’

Buck laughed at your absurd question. A person he didn’t even know was asking what size shirt he wore. The letter was set on the coffee table with the rest of the mail, getting buried under all of the stuff he had on there. It was almost the end of December when he realized that he hadn't written you back yet. 

December 21st. 

‘Hey y/n, 

Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. Things have been hectic over here. I’ve been doing some ‘soul-searching’ - I guess you could call it that and honestly, I don’t think if this whole first responders thing is for me. 

I tried out bartending or well, the technical term is mixologist and I’m liking it so far, I think i’m going to stick with it for now. 

How have you been ? How’s school ? Surely, you’re on break for the holidays right about now or at least when you get this letter. I hope that you're spending the break doing something fun. 

I’m not going to make this very long, I’m sure you’ve been busy with whatever you’re doing right now. 

Also, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you located the mysteriously disappearing boyfriend yet ? I haven't seen anyone that fit your description. 

well, that’s not true- I did and just to be sure I asked to see his collarbone, he looked at me like I was a mad man so I guess it wasn't him ? 

Anyways, I hope you have a good holiday and you're probably gonna get this sometime between holidays, so merry belated (?) Christmas and happy New Years y/n. 

Peace out, 

Evan. 

ps. medium or large, depending on what it is. Hopefully that answers your question weirdo.’

January 13th. 

The morning of the 13th, he went down to check his mail. A box was there with his name on it, the return address was one he had only seen on an envelope. The box returned upstairs with him, setting it on the counter before opening it. 

Upon opening it, there was a letter and some colourful tissue paper with what seemed like a sweater under it. He opened the letter first.

‘Dear Evan, 

Happy New Years! How was your holiday going ? Did you do anything fun ? 

I’ve been good and school is good too, I'm almost done my first year, isn't that crazy ? Just a few more months to go. 

How’s your job as mr. mixologist going ? I'm sure you’ve met some wild people and heard some interesting stories. 

As for the boyfriend situation, that's over. I’m not surprised to tell you the truth but it still kinda sucks. Anyways, so what happened was that his older brother had come home from college last year and brought a friend with him. She went to the same school as his brother but transferred to UCLA- anyways long story short, they hooked up while he and I were still together and he moved in with her after his mom helped him move into the apartment I thought he had. 

But! I’m single and chilling now so it’s all good. (bonus, she cheated on him and left him so yeah) 

I got you a little something for Christmas and as a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present. I was in the gift shop and it made me think of you. Do you celebrate Christmas? I forgot to check oops. If you don't, count it as a just a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present? 

I got a large because I wasn't sure if it would fit. I hope you like it. That’s all for now.

Yours always, y/n.’

He unwrapped the tissue paper to see a blue sweater with the letters NYU on it. He smiled, he assumed that’s where you went. It was sweet that you took the time to get him something, even if it was a by the way thing. Not a lot of people would send something to a person they had been talking to via letters and halfway across the country. 

February 12th. 

2 days before Valentine's Day, your least favourite holiday of the year. You weren't looking forward to watching all your friends going on with their boyfriends and girlfriends. The mail had arrived while you were out, you picked it up and headed in. There were two envelopes with your name on it,  a plain white one and a red one. The red envelope was more squared than rectangular, you assumed it was a card- both had the same sender name. 

‘Hey y/n!

Thank you for the sweater, it was nice of you to think of me and get me something. I didn’t know we were doing gifts or I would have sent you something as well and yes, I do celebrate Christmas. 

My job as ‘mr. mixologist’ was going well until I quit. It just didn’t feel like the right fit for me you know ? I'm going to see what else is out there for me. 

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, he seems like a douche. Who would cheat on you ? You seem great I mean at least you are on paper (did you get my joke, it’s hard to tell) 

Also, remember how I was thinking I might actually give that first responder thing a try? Imagine me as a firefighter, that’s pretty cool right ? 

So I kinda did a thing and signed up and then I got in. I started two weeks ago and it was kicking my ass at first but I've gotten a hang of it and things are going pretty well. There's three other Evans in my class so everyone calls me Buck-I kind of like it. 

The other envelope, hopefully you opened this one first, is a little something for you for valentines. Hope you like it. 

Peace out, 

Buck’ 

The red envelope was on your lap, you pulled the edges carefully not wanting to rip it. Inside was a plain white card with bright red letters that made you laugh. The cover read ‘I’m not sick of you yet!” Opening the card, a $20 fell onto your lap. There was a little message inside that went along with the cash. 

‘Since we aren't together and can’t spend valentines together, there’s some cash to get yourself a box of chocolates and a teddy bear. Happy Valentines Day y/n

Love, Buck.’ 

You smile, this was the first time that Buck had signed with ‘love, buck’ it had always been ‘peace out, buck.’ You tucked the card into the drawer, one you didn’t use very often so you knew it’d be safe there. 

*4 years later*

A few weeks had passed since Buck had last heard from y/n. His last letter to her was at the end of June, telling her all about the day he had spent at Hen and Karen’s. He always described every little detail so vividly that it made her feel like she was there with him- but it was now July, end of actually and moving into August. 

4 years had blown like nothing.

It felt like just yesterday he got the first letter in the mail. 4 years and they still had no idea what each other looked like but they knew every intricate and intimate detail about each other, their lives and the people in it. 

Y/n and Buck had grown rather close over the last few months- more than they already were. Y/n just went through a pretty shitty break up and Buck wasn't exactly big on relationships as of right now. 

He had just gotten home from work, his keys set on the counter when he realized that he forgot to check his mail. Stepping back out, there was a woman in the hallway and boxes scattered across her, leading into the apartment down the hall. 

She must be his new neighbour.

He wanted to go over and introduce himself but she was busy telling the movers where to set her couch so he decided that he would check the mail and then introduce himself when he returned so he did just that. 

Except, she was still busy. 

She leaned against the wall, watching the movers move what looked like a coffee table. She glanced up to see Buck walking by, she smiled and he returned the smile. 

Buck reaches his apartment, the mail in hand and steps in. He sorts through the pile, bills, ads, coupons and no letter from y/n. 

---

Your new apartment was a mess. You decided it was time for a change. You applied to a few hospitals after your break up and the one in LA hired you. So you dropped everything and moved- no family, no ties. 

A fresh start. 

It was a nice neighbourhood and the building was quiet. The neighbours you met were pleasant and welcoming. When you were having the furniture moved in, there was a blonde man who smiled at you and you assumed he lived in the unit down the hall because that’s where he stepped into. 

It was almost 11pm when you finally sat down. You had been on your feet all day and just wanted to eat something. The box with the dishes was beside the couch, you pulled the tape off and opened it. There was an envelope sitting on top of the stack of plates. 

Buck’s last letter to you. 

You must have tossed it into the boxes while packing and you forgot to write him back. Tumbling through the boxes, you find a sheet of paper and a pen from your bag. Sitting on the floor, the paper resting on an unopened box, you begin writing. 

‘Dear Buck, 

I’m sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. I quit my job, and uprooted my entire life. The break up sucked major ass as you know, so I decided it was time for a change. 

Guess where I decided to go ? 

Did you guess yet? 

No, not Canada, why would you guess Canada ? 

LA! 

Yeah, isn't that crazy that I ended up here of all places? Maybe we could get together one day (if you haven’t turned into a crazy serial killer that is.) 

Anyways, that’s why I've taken so long to write. I was packing when I got your letter and I tossed it in a box and just found it again. Anyways, I hope you’ve been good, how have things been at the station ? 

I promise I'll write again with more details soon, I just have to get settled in first. 

Yours always, y/n.’ 

Folding the paper, you slipped into an envelope. The address being scribbled into the back of the envelope. You were about to seal it when the building number caught your eye. 

It was the same number as the place you moved into. The same address, the building number, the same floor. 

The unit number was the only difference. 

There was no way you moved into the building that Buck lived in. 

You knew the address felt familiar when you saw the listing but you didn’t think anything of it nor did it occur to you that you knew the address. 

Stepping out of your apartment, looking at the number on the room and back down at the envelope in your hand. Buck’s apartment was down the hall. 

Part of you just wanted to mail it and keep things as it was but another part of you wanted to meet him, to see what he was really like in person. So there you were walking down the hallway at a quarter past 11 in the dead of the night to meet a man you had been sending letters to for the last 4 years. 

The end of the hallway, you stared at the black wooden door in front of you. Your brain weighing the options right now: he’s a sweetheart and welcoming and makes you feel comfortable or he’s a weird guy who’s been lying to you this whole time and you told him everything about you and now he’s going to kill you. 

Before you could register what you were doing, you knocked on the door. 

Glancing down at yourself, you were wearing a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt from high school that you found in a drawer while packing. Not an ideal outfit, maybe he’s sleeping and you can go home and change- the door opened, a man wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt stood there. He looked like he had just woken up. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” 

“It's alright,” he yawned, his hand covering his mouth as he blinked away a few tears. “What can I do for you ?” he leaned against the door. 

“Um, this is an odd question-” you shifted, glancing down at the envelope in your hand. “Are you Buck ?” 

“I am, who are you ?” 

“Y/n.” 

You had never seen a man wake up that fast, he seemed surprised, confused and concerned all in one. “How- uh, are you- What ?” he mumbled. 

“I found your letter in the box after I moved, I moved into the apartment down the hall” you point to your left, Buck sticks his head out of the doorway and looks at the door you were pointing to. You were the woman in the hallway that he saw earlier, he knew you looked familiar. 

“I just wrote your letter and I noticed that the addresses were the same, just a different unit number so I decided to come check. Sorry if I bothered you, we can talk another day- it’s late and you probably have work” “Would you like to come in?” he opens the door a bit more, looking to you for an answer. 

“Um, okay sure.” stepping in, you can’t help but glance around. The apartment was similar to yours, the layout was a bit different though. “Can I get you something to drink ? Coffee, water ? A beer ?” he rounded the kitchen counter, you took a seat on one of the chairs by the counter. 

“Water’s fine, thanks” 

He reached for a bottle from the fridge, sliding it over to you. You gave him a smile, he leaned against the counter and was now looking- studying you. 

“I know we’ve talked to each other for 4 years but this is kinda strange” you chuckled awkwardly, Buck can't help but smile. 

“Yeah, it is, isn't it? but can I ask why you moved to LA?” 

“Well all of that was in the letter” you slide the envelope across the counter and he picks it up, opening it. Giving him a few moments to read, you watch his expression like you were hoping for some insight as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. He let out a laugh, “how’d you know I'd guess Canada ?” you smiled at him, a small wave of relief washing over you for some reason. “Lucky guess I suppose” 

“Do you-” “What are-” the sentences cutting each other off, the two of you awkwardly smiling at each other. “You first” looking at him, he hums. 

“Do you have work tomorrow or are you busy ?” His eyes meet yours, you found yourself leaning forwards towards the counter- towards him. He made you feel comfortable, you’d go as far as to say safe, in a way you’ve never felt before. 

“No, I don't start until the 21st. Why ?” 

“I was thinking - if you're not busy and if you want to, of course. Maybe I could take you out for breakfast and I could show you around ? Or lunch or dinner ? Whatever works for you actually” he rambles, fiddling with his fingers to avoid eye contact. 

A small laugh slips past your lips causing him to look up, his brows furrowed as he studies your face, looking for an answer. 

“Breakfast sounds good, what time should I be ready for ?” 

“Uh, is 10 okay ?” he asks, you nod. “I’ll be ready for 10 then.” 

“Okay, I'll pick you up” he smiles. 

“Buck, we live in the same building.” 

“Oh right,” he chuckles, “well I'll be by yours at 10 then” the two of you smiling at each other. 

“Okay.” 

----

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @beth-winchester21 @fernandaweasley2 @yikesyikesyikes95 @hotchsdarling @duhbar1975 @hailsstormthings @averyhotchner  @captainxholmes @venusrosepetal @luke-alvez​ @looney-literature @caitsymichelle13​ @artemishunter18​ @anxiousblanketqueen​

[springgirlwaiting4fall]

Malakai and His Wife Leaving For Their Honeymoon

Request of Fluffy turned Smutty and Original Character by: @josiewrites

Warning: Smut 18 years and Over Please.

Josie hit the save button on her latest writing before closing down her laptop. She stretched in her seat and let down her long pink hair. She knew her husband Malakai was going to be back from the gym any minute and she still needed to finish packing. He was sweet and loving. Covered in tattoos and his body was hard with muscles, no body would guess that he was a cat daddy, who loved waking up his wife with a cup of tea in the morning. It was such a shock when they 1st met and he told her he was a professional wrestler who was supposed to be such a dark and evil character

It was hard to pack when she didn’t know where she was going. Malakai had just just given her a list of things she needed to pack. And the list included bathing suits along with warmer clothes. Not that she was annoyed, they had gotten married right after Malakai signed with AEW. They never got a chance to go on a honeymoon until now. He wanted to plan the perfect trip for them and wanted it to be a complete surprise for her.

“Gremlin. Where are you?” Malakai was calling downstairs. Gremlin was his pet name for her. On their first date he asked her to describe herself in one word, Gremlin is what she used. He laughed and asked to explain. She told him that she was a feral little weirdo. It was soon but in that moment he knew he was in love.

Josie threw the rest of her stuff that still needed to be folded in, closed her suitcase and ran down stairs pulling the heavy suitcase behind her. Malakai watched before picking his wife up with one hand and pulling the suitcase down with the other. “Excited Gremlin?”

“Excited and curious.” Josie wrapped her legs around Malakais waist. She was sure he could feel the heat coming off of her. Josie loved when he would show off his strength especially in his workout clothes that showed off his tattoo covered body. “You know you promised our honeymoon would start as soon as you got home.” Malakai dropped her suitcase off by the front door.

Than he carried her to the sofa and sat down so she was straddling her lap. “Did I say that?” His hands ran up and down her sides until they slide down to her butt. He began to palm and squeeze Josie’s ass through her leggings.

“You did.” Josie let out a moan her husband started to kiss and suck on her neck. “Plus I can’t go to the airport and not know which plane to get on what If we get separated and I can’t find you.” Josie teased as she started to rub against Malakai hard on through his shorts. He was getting hard.

“Do you think I would ever let my wife out of my sight?” He thrust upward. They were fucking through their clothes like teenagers. Josie looked up at him, with puppy dog eyes begging to know where they were going. “Let’s make a deal Gremlin. You get me to cum without taking your or my clothes off and I will tell you.”

“Deal.” Josie licked started to lick Malakais collar bone, up to his neck, and over his ear. She slowly started to work her hips up and down. And side to side. She could feel his hard on grow to full length. He was so long that she could feel him penetrate her though her clothes.

And he could feel her hot and wet she was. His hips meet every moment she made. “Fuck Josie.” She never stopped moving but her hips were going Agonizingly slow. “Please.”

She started working her hips faster, if she couldn’t get her husband to cum she knew she could at least get herself off. And she was so close, he gripped her hair and pulled her closer.

His cock began to hit her clit in hypnotizing rhythm. Josie gripped Malakais shoulders and her thighs started to shake. “Go ahead. Use my dick. Cum in those panties.”

She felt herself make a mess in her leggings and his short. Malakais hips were bucking into her. And she knew what would send him over the edge. “Who said I was wearing Underwear?”

He held her tight as he came in his shots. Through a groaned he was able to say “Ireland. In the countryside.”

[kkusuka]

Cocky best friend Astumu, always bragging about how many girls he gets and y/n is not completely inexperienced, like they have had their first kiss and have done a bit of groping but nothing beyond that. So one day y/n nervously as Astumu if he’ll teach them how the give a blowjob. At first he thinks it’s a prank and says no so y/n is like “find all just ask samu” and he’s just like “no no no no no no absolutely not, I’ll teach you” and they are both nervous but it ends up being 1000% better than he thought and now he’s obsessed with trying to sleep with his best friend, basically he’s pussy whipped and he hasn’t even fucked them yet -✨Puppy🤩

aka. a growing up friends to lovers fic that ends in a blowjob

aka. you suck atsumu’s dick in the locker room bc you’re jealous of all his chicks

cw: face fucking, atsumu being atsumu

not proof read <3

—-

they say twins have half of the same soul. one heart divided into two. an eternal bond between people.

so how was it possible for twins to be so universally different?

osamu, sweet sweet osamu miya. meeting on a sweltering august day, at some convenience store a few roads from where your family moved. you had run into each other, the collision making you drop your popsicle.

the commotion bringing tears to your seven year old mind, you couldn’t believe what was happening to you. your allowance, gone within a second. and a boy thinking you were a crybaby.

you were ready for the world to burn around you, what was life without your cherry slush pop? so of course, noticing he was no longer there, you waited outside the store ready to berate him for drowning your only happiness in the depth of the ocean.

and when he did, you didn’t prepare for a new cherry pop to be shoved in your face. He apologized for your now red puddle of sugar water on the concrete.

you both sat on the curb, arguing why each of your preferred popsicle flavors were superior.

osamu, your sweet osamu, had become a constant in your life.

you were so happy to see him playing in the sand at a local park. so you did what you had done so many times before, run up and ruffle his hair.

only to be met with a harsh, “gross! i’m not ‘samu you weirdo!”

and thus atsumu miya, the supposed other half, was thrown into your world.

beyond looks, he was nothing like osamu. and yet you somehow became closer to the snarky, eventual blonde.

still favoring osamu, their twinly banter had now included you. granted you took osamu’s side a whole lot more than atsumu’s.

that must’ve been the spark that drove the temperamental boy closer to you, in respect that you never admired your application for the boy.

not wanting to feed into his ever growing ego.

in some odd way, you had become his closest confidant. the one he came to when volleyball became a little too much.

you got to be the girl who wore his opposite jersey to his games, the one who sat with him and explained his math homework to him for thirty minutes because he didn’t understand.

you were atsumu miya’s best friend. the best friend that he told all his adventures, ones that you don’t always want to hear.

“and she did this thing with her tongue! i think she could swallow my whole dick if she wanted to!”

asking him about his love life was something you couldn’t help but doing. no matter how much you wanted to be the one he talked about.

never mind how he pretended her head was there and how he threw his head back, there was no way he had any idea what it was doing to you.

you were jealous, far more than you even had been. you knew this girl, she was someone you knew got around. good for her, but you wished she didn’t have to go after your half of the twins.

but there was no way you could be as good as he described, and you weren’t going to ask anyone else. you were stuck between a rock and a hard place, with an extremely narrow escape route.

“could you, maybe, um, teach me how to do it?” you didn’t know if he was schooled to some other bad emotion but he just froze for a minute, and right as you were about to take it back, “y/n, stop playing! pranks aren’t funny unless people are around!”

he thought you were joking?

now you were more angry than embarrassed, you’ll show him. if he didn’t agree you’d have to make him.

“fine, i bet osamu would help. i guess i’ll have to go find him.” sighing you rose from your seat as a look of pure horror crossed the blondes face.

“wait, wait! don’t ask him! here, i’ll whip it out and ya can to it, promise!” he practically yanked you back into him as his hands fumbled with his pant ties.

you do have to give it to him, he has a pretty dick. less long than you hand thought but definitely makes up for it in girth, and god was it leaking.

“s-stop staring! just grab it.” grab it?

doing as he said you wrapped a hand around the base of his cock. his breath hitching was you have a few experimental tugs. you kind of had an idea of where to go from here.

wrapping your lips around the head of his dick, you gave small kitten licks cleaning the pre-cum. gathering all your courage you took as much of him in your mouth as you could fit.

it wasn’t much but whatever you couldn’t reach you replaced with your hand, a move you learned from the romance novels you spent all of second year reading.

a hand attached to the back of your head before his voice rasped out, “hollow your cheeks, suck”

god he sounded hot, the hand pressed your head until your nose was against his pelvis and his cock was in the back of your throat. “breath through your nose, keep your tongue moving babe”

following his direction you finally got to see his head throwback as a loud gut weak moan left his lips. taking a second before bobbing your head you set a slow teasing pace.

that lasted about a minute before two hands grabbed your cheeks and began bobbing your head for you.

as he face fucked you, he let all of the moans and grunts out. exclamations of how he was going to surf your mouth with cum, and you’ll swallow.

following up on his promise a few minutes later keeping your head there until you had for sure swallowed his load and he was soft.

letting you kneel under his for a minute, thumb brushing your lips to rid of any cum that may have been left.

“was that good?”

“better”

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

🐰🎩NEW TRICKS🎩🐰

Prompt: Y/N decides to show Mr. Moxley some new tricks in order to certify him that he is still her number one

Word Count: Long

Pairings: Jon Moxley x Reader

Warnings: +18, oral sex (male receiving), angst, jealousy, cursing, praise kink

Tag: @jibbles26 , @bellalutionn

Notes: I’m a sucker for the power that blowjobs hold upon guys. Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories on my Masterlist and my newest story as a fixed post. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

“Hi doll, what you’re up to?” He smirks as he nibs my neck

“Just working. Why? Do you need something?” I ask as I remove my reading glasses

“I do, actually”

“What do you need babe?” I look up to his blue eyes that were filled with mischief

“You” He grinned

“Jon, I thought you needed something urgent” I chuckle

“I do!” He pulls me off my desk chair “I missed you so much” He cradled his face on the crook of my neck

“Jon, we’ve had sex six times yesterday and two times this morning, how can you physically still miss me?” I laugh “That’s like, 8 rounds in less than 24 hours babe! And you only got home yesterday”

“I can’t help it that you’re so fucking hot and looks so sexy all the time” He licks a trail from my neck to my lips

I look down to my current outfit that consisted in a comfortable pair of grey leggings, an oversized Korn t-shirt, Wilson’s crew socks, glasses, messy hair and no makeup

“I don’t think I look very sexy right now” I cackled

“Yes you do! You always do!” He pulls me closer to his crotch by my ass “C’mon Y/N, let’s do some fun nasty business, kitten” He slaps my ass quite vigorously

“Tempting, but I’ll have to decline it! Sorry big guy” I patted his chest

“Why?” He whined and stomped his feet like a little kid

“Because some of us got some serious work to do” I smiled fondly as I sit back in my desk chair

“But I wanna be with you! I need you and I want you now!” He pouted

“Jon, I promise you that once I finish this I’ll be all yours ok love?”

“No” He whines “Not later, right now!” He stomps his feet again

Yes, Jon Moxley can be quite the bad boy, but what a lot of people don’t know is that he’s also a fucking whining little baby! He gets an attitude over the dumbest reasons and sometimes this little scenario happens, where he thinks he can whine and pouts his way until he get what he wants. Sometimes it’s cute and charming to see such a big bearded man like him cause such a scene, but another times like right now it’s annoyingly frustrating, uncalled for and the last thing I need to get me even more stressed out.

“Jonathan, don’t start it! You’re not 4 years old! You’re a grown ass man in your 30’s, so behave as such” I turn to my computer and start to type my notes. After 10 minutes I can still feel his presence behind me, making me grow more nervous

“Jon, you’re not helping, my love” I said calmly

“I’m waiting. You said I would have you once you’re done so I’m waiting!” He bitterly said

“Won’t you rather wait in the couch instead? Meanwhile you can pick a movie for us to watch it later” I try to negotiate

“Meh, I’m perfect where I am right now, thanks for the concern” He huffed

*Oh great, what a fucking joy!* I thought

“This might take a while” I defeatedly said

“Don’t worry, I got time” Was his short answer

Fifteen minutes (and a stubborn Jon Moxley sitting on the floor) later I get a call from Peter, my coworker.

“Hey Peter what’s up?” I say holding my phone to my ear with my shoulder “What? Wait Peter, hold on I can’t hear you properly and I can’t stop typing”

“Well, put it on speaker then” Jon mumbled behind me and in my workaholic haze I did it as he told me, forgetting about one little small detail: Peter’s innocent (but also kind of annoying) flirting.

“Pete, can you repeat that again please?” I rapidly say while I type

“I asked when do you think you can send me the paperwork?” He chuckled

“Oh! Can you give me like....30 minutes?”

“I can give you whatever you want” He charmingly said

“Peter, shut up”

“What?” He cackled “It’s true you know, ask and you shall receive, my dear”

“I didn’t knew you were a Jesus fan” I mocked

“I’m your fan” I can hear the smile on his voice

“Whatever weirdo” I brush it off as I continue to type on the dashboard “Is that all you needed?”

“No, there’s one more thing that I forgot to ask you”

“Ok, shoot” I said

“When are you finally going to accept any of my nightcaps invitations?” Pure amusement filling up his voice

“Oh God send me to hell, fuck off Peter!” I jokingly said and hung up

I totally forgot the fact that Jon had heard that until his voice broke the silence

“So how long have you been seeing each other?” He rudely spats

“What? Seeing who?” I ask confused

He stood up from the floor, yanked me off the chair and trapped my body between his and the table.

“Your sweet boy Pete” he coldly smiles

I roll my eyes “Jon, are you really gonna take a guy like Peter seriously? He quotes Jesus to flirt! That’s nothing but pathetic and also slight disrespectful towards Jesus” I joke

“You think this is funny? What if you caught me flirting with a girl from work, how would that make you feel?”

“It depends if you’re gonna quote Jesus or not” I tease

“Y/N I’m fucking serious! Is this a joke to you? Our relationship is a joke to you? Am I a fucking joke to you?”

“My answer is no to all the above. Now if you ask me if I think that you’re overreacting then yes, I do”

“Overreacting? Really? What about all of the nightcaps invitations? Are you gonna tell me I’m overreacting about that too?” His voice starts to rise

“I don’t like your tone Jonathan” I angrily said

“And I don’t like you having an affair with your coworker!” He yelled

“Oh, so I’m having an affair now? Wow, I better accept those invitations then, if I’m going to hold the cheating girlfriend of the year award” I spat

“Are you having an affair with him?”

“How can you even ask that? You know me better than that Jonathan!” Now I’m yelling too, peachy just peachy!

“Well you didn’t answered my question though. Are you?”

“Of course not! What makes you think that?”

“You don’t wanna have sex with me, so where are you getting some? ‘Cause we both know you have quite the appetite for sex, I mean fuck, is hard even for me to keep up with you! You’re like a fucking machine!” He says

My eyes widened in disbelief “So just because I declined to have sex with you 30 minutes ago, because I have to work, I am suddenly a cheater? Or is it because I like to have sex more than the average women do that makes me a cheater? Wow Jonathan, I’ve never heard you say that when one of your male friends cheated. That says a lot”

“Says a lot about what?”

“Your sexist side. Or I don’t know, maybe it’s something else, maybe you are the one who’s cheating on me! So you’re mirroring your infidelity on me”

“Me? A sexist? Now that’s a joke” He laughs “We both know the things you’ve already done to me in the bedroom and trust me pumpkin, if I was a sexist I would never had let you go down that road, if you know what I mean” He measured me up and down “And even if I wanted to cheat on you, which is not the case, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t physically be able to since you knock my ass down every single time we fuck”

“I don’t hear you complain! In fact if I remember correctly you were the one who got in here wanting to have sex in the first place” I huff annoyed

“And I still do kitten” He gets closer

“Don’t touch me, jerk”

“You know how much it turns me on when you get all mad like that, right?” He tried to grab my breasts but I slapped his hands away

“Stop, Jonathan”

“What?” He leans closer, pressing his hardening bulge against my lower belly “Am I not good enough for you anymore? Do you prefer your boy Pete instead?”

“Bullshit” I spat

“Then show me, kitten” He whispers “Show me I’m still good enough for you” He makes me grab a handful of his erection “Show me that you still want me, that I still turn you on”

I pulled him down towards me by his neck, kissing him roughly, biting his lower lip quite harshly

“Hmm” He growls “My kitten is feisty, I like that” He smirks “I love when you’re a bitch to me” He laughs devilishly “Whatcha gonna do, huh?”

I forcefully open the button of his jeans, pulling the fly down and yanking the pants along with his boxer briefs down.

Jon put his hands up, in a surrender position. I lick my palm and close my fist around his cock, pumping it up and down.

“Yes baby” He moaned “Take it! Take what’s yours”

I kneel down and without thinking twice, I swallow his length until it reaches the back of my throat

“Fuuuuck! Y/N, baby...so good, you suck my dick so fucking good kitten! I love it, I fucking love it!” He moans and I push him further down my throat, swallowing around him

“Oh my fuck” He bucks his hips forward in surprise “How can you be so good at this?” He whispers, holding my hair back, so he can watch me sucking him off

“You look so fucking gorgeous sucking my cock baby. Fuck, look at that! Look at how well you take everything in”

I look up at him, hearing him continuing to praise me

“I love when you look at me...so beautiful with your mouth full of cock, so greedy for more aren’t you, baby?”

I nod, lifting his member up so I can lick the bottom half of his shaft, making him moan loudly

“You’re so insanely good at giving head! A fucking pro” He panted “The best head I’ve ever gotten”

I lock my lips around the head, sucking it hard to make him feel the pressure I know he loves, while my hands pump his length with a tight grip

“Oh yes, baby” Jon screamed in pleasure “Oh my fucking- Stop, stop” He moans with his eyes hazy in ecstasy, mouth in an ‘O’ shape as he bites his knuckles to prevent any screaming.

“We both know you don’t want me to stop” I smile, licking from the bottom of the head to his slit

“You’re gonna pay for this” His voice shakily says

“I wouldn’t threaten me if I were you baby” I smirked “I have other tricks that I’ve never showed you before” I whisper, feeling his length throbbing on my hand

“Other tricks?” He faintly whispered

I let go of his member and lay down on the floor beckoning to him.

“Come here Jon, let me show it to you baby”

Please let me know your thoughts on this? Feedback is always appreciated 🥰😘

[shintorikhazumi]

She Likes Blues- PASTEL Blues (2)

A/N: Because I love you and this brilliant concept Isa. So i decided to expound on the au... a little. Concept creds go to the ever brilliant @tanuki-pyon

This is a continuation to one of my drabbles. Treat it as chap 1. It’s just gonna be more dumb au stuff so... ayt.

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi.

She Likes Blues- PASTEL Blues (2): It’s A Date!

“I’m your roommate.” Akko managed to lamely state.

The girl in front of her stared at her hand a good, long while making Akko grow more and more nervous by the second.

“Um...miss?”

“Oh, apologies. Yes, yes... Um...” Temporarily placing her phone down on a nearby shelf, Akko watched roommate extend a hand which she gladly took. “Diana.” She curtly said.

“A-Akko.”

“Charmed.” Diana said sweetly, taking her hand back. She gave Akko a quick once-over, and the brunette nervously shuffled her socked feet along the carpet.

“Mi-miss D-Diana?”

“Hmm...” The girl tapped her cheek thoughtfully with a manicured index finger, sucking in the side of her cheek before her expression changed into a friendly smile. Clapping her hands together, she asked, “Ever tried pastel pink or a salmon color?”

Akko stared at her, bewildered.

“What?”

“Clothes. Wearing those colors. Have you ever worn mini-skirts or a sundress? Hmm... Maybe we could find something that would suit you... would Hannah match your size?”

“Um... Miss Diana...?”

“But Barbara might have some nice colors that would match your complexion as well.”

What was... going on?

“You’re ‘all-black’ style looks lovely and all, love-”

‘Love?!’

“But I do believe you could pull off some of the most gorgeous colors, don’t you think so?” Diana asked her, walking forward to lightly pat her cheek. “Okay?”

“...o-okay?” Akko went along with her pace, still not registering what was going on.

“Perfect!” Diana cheered, planting a chaste smooch on Akko’s other cheek before bidding her goodbye with a wave of her fingers. “It’s a date!”

“Date...” Akko repeated blankly, hand touching the place where warm lips had just blessed her. “Date... Date?!” Akko screeched, fingers running up to pull at her hair, trying to prove to her that she wasn’t deliriously dreaming.

[“Oh wow! You just scored a date! Real quick too! Um... congrats, my baby?”]- Her phone sounded from her pocket, and Akko flew inches off the floor in surprise.

“MAMA?!” Had she not hung up?! Wait... did that mean that... her mother had listened in on the entire conversation?! Wait! NO! That couldn’t... this couldn’t... Her heart suddenly picked up speed for a different reason, the organ pounding excruciatingly in her chest. Her mind ran a mile a minute in anxiety and panic.

She wanted to cry, to throw up. Her throat was so dry and painful.

Her mama had heard that. Sure she hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary... had she?

‘Calm down, Akko. Calm down. She might not have thought of it as anything weird. Yeah. Nothing weird. Of course. Except for my very female roommate setting us up on a date.’

Akko took erratic, deep breaths.

‘Oh but that doesn’t mean anything, right? It’s not like you’d normally think it was anything but a friend date unless you know for sure that your kid was... but my mom doesn’t- ’

Wait, but mothers knew these types of things, right? What if she had pieced together Akko’s reaction and figured it all out on her own?

Years of trying to hide it and... but maybe Akko was just that bad at hiding it. And her mom now knew.

Akko hadn’t even told her on her own that she was...

[“Akko-chan? Are you there?”]

No... she... how would she... what would her mom...

“Mama... I’m... I’m sor-”

[“My sweet baby, listen. Listen to Mama for a sec, okay?”]

Akko whimpered, nodding despite her mom not being able to see her.

It was too late. Her mom clearly knew now. Obviously. There was no way she didn’t. She was now going to confront Akko. She was going to tell her, even if it was with a sweet voice, that Akko was in the wrong, and that maybe she’d have to go into that strange therapy session Amanda complained to her about last week. And then she’d say she was disappointed, and that would hurt Akko more than any other thing in the world-

[“Baby, just please be sure to bring her home and introduce her to me during vacation, okay? She sounds like a lovely girl.”]

“...eh?”

[“I love you, my little Akko-chan.”]

Akko felt herself tear up, clutching her phone close in disbelief and incomprehension.

“Mama?” She called out in a hoarse voice, trying to grasp at straws of reality that she suddenly couldn’t fathom.

[“Hai~?”]

Akko sniffed, harshly wiping away her tears on her sweater arm.

“I love you, mama.” She sobbed, trying her best not to outright wail.

[“Mama loves you most.”]

Like a dam, her emotional barrier broke, spilling out in teary mumbles and sobs.

Was it supposed to be this easy? Or was she just so incredibly blessed?

She continued to wail into her phone mic for the next few minutes or so, listening to her mother tell her random stories about geese and laughing at how silly her cries sounded.

She really did adore her mother.

After about fifteen minutes of a breakdown however, a different tune broke through the air. Even her mother noticed it, immediately asking what it was.

“I... don’t know, Ma.” Akko responded, looking around the room to find the source of the grossly cutesy music that certainly didn’t belong to her. “A ringtone?”

And then she spotted it, on the shelf. A glammed-up phone strap, and a case with ears-

“Oh, hell on earth... It’s my roommate’s phone.” Akko accidentally said. She heard her mother belt out a hearty laugh.

[“Well, then I guess you should do what you have to.”] She said.

“Huh? What do you mean? Pick it up?” Akko asked, unsure.

[What?! No! Wait... actually, maybe you should.”] Mrs. Kagari muttered.

“Eeehh?”

[“Hurry! And put it on speaker in case it’s some weirdo!”]

Feeling the urgency in her mother’s tone, Akko felt compelled to pick up, holding the glittery device to her ear, and trying her best not to sound awkward or stupid for her roommate’s sake.

“Hello? Um... the owner of this phone currently-”

[“Oh, is this Akko?”]

“Y-yes! This is indeed, um, Akko... who is... conversing... with you.” She squeaked out. She could hear her mother facepalm on the other line.

[“Oh perfect! Hi! Um, this is Diana. Sorry about inconveniencing you. I was a little foolish and forgot my phone, it seems. Sorry for calling. I was just making sure that I hadn’t actually lost it along the way.”]

“Oh. Oh wow, that’s... that would have been terrible.” Akko responded stiffly. She could just hear her mother’s shame from across the ocean. It wasn’t like she had taught her how to flirt or anything!

[“Yes, indeed it would have.”] She heard Diana’s sweet giggling on the other end, and her heart soared. [“I’m so glad it’s with you, though- in safe hands.”]

Akko was so glad Diana couldn’t see her stupid grin. “Me-me too! I’m... I’m glad too! For you!”

[“You are terrible at this.”] Akko barely heard her mother groan.

“Um... s-so... do you want me to... bring your phone over to where you are or something?” Akko asked, clutching the phone securely in hand.

[“Oh! Oh, dear no. Please don’t feel bothered. I just wanted to check if it was okay. B-but... if it’s not an inconvenience to you...”]

Akko found her bashfulness quite cute. Like everything else about Diana.

[“If you don’t bring the lady her phone, I will disown you.”]

Her mom could be terrible sometimes.

“I’ll... I’ll bring you your phone, no worries. It’s no biggie... um... just tell me where you are and I’ll head on over.” Akko said, grabbing a notepad to take down the address.

[“Really? Oh thank you! Thank you so much! You’re a darling, Akko.” Diana responded cheerily, dictating the directions for Akko to take to get to her. [“Again, you are such a sweetheart.”]

“No, not at all.” Akko chuckled awkwardly. “Anyone would do this.” She shyly replied.

[“Oh, not at all, sweetie. You’d be surprised.”]

Akko blushed at the pet name, already muting out her mother’s teasing giggles.

[“Tell you what, once you get here, I’ll treat you to lunch. How about that? Oh, and while we’re at it, we could just do our little date! What say you, darling?”]

Akko was reaching the cap of her shyness threshold here. She didn’t know if she could take anymore.

“S-Sure.” She was still afraid to come off as rude to her brand new roommate though. Wanting to make a good impression, she figured she’d accept.

That’s all there was to it.

[“Brilliant! See you soon, love~ Bye.”]

At the dial tone that ended the call, Akko walked over to her bed, grabbed a pillow... and screamed.

[“Send me pics, love you!”]- She heard in the background before her mom hung up as well.

Akko screamed again.

[jae-daddy]

Duff (2)

jaebum au series 

one / three

pairing: jaebum x reader genre: angst, smut, cheating plot: you are the duff, and guys use you to get close to your bestfriend, turns out jaebum was no exception. but as time goes on the tension between you and your bestfriend’s unoffical boyfriend grows a/n: turns out its a series huehuehue hope y'all enjoy it <3 not edited

No matter how many times you walked into Heather’s penthouse you were always blown away by the view of that day. The sky was never the same, and each and every time you walked through the doors, the city was a painted in a different light. But as much as the view took your breath away, the male sitting on the couch made your blood boil. 

“Don’t you have a home, Jaebum?” You sneered at the boyfriend of three weeks putting his feet on the three thousand dollar coffee table as if he owned the place. 

“Always a pleasure, aren’t you, love?” He smiled at you cocking his head to the side. You rolled your eyes before placing your bag on the floor and walking in front of him, making him move his feet of the table. 

“Where’s Heather?” You fell into your designated armchair as you scanned the apartment. “She said she would be here.”

Jaebum decided to more annoying then usual and didn’t answer you. He took his phone out and began playing some old song. You swore your eyes were fully white in rage as you closed your eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm yourself down. 

And failing. 

You leaned towards the beautiful man who smirked at you, you were sure you looked animalistic with your teeth barred, but you didn’t care. You were going end him, kill him. 

“Listen here, you little shit-”

“Oh my, y/n!” A soft gentle voice saved the now fully grinning man. “Have you been waiting for long? I’m sorry.” 

She took a deep a breath in, before letting it out, exhausted. 

“You know traffic.”

You nodded, getting up and walking towards her. You gave Jaebum one last glare before you followed into her room. 

“You won’t believe what I found today!” She giggled as she rammaged through the bags she carried with her. “I would have absolutely loved this for me, but they didn’t have my size.” 

She gave you a small frown, before pulling out a lovely silk deep red dress. “But they had it in one of your sizes. You know how the trend in rich people is stravation these days, it’s so hard to find dresses in my size. But lucky for you, the bigger sizes are always available.”

Heather wasn’t mean. She wasn’t a bitch. At least she didn’t try to be those things. It just comes across that way. She doesn’t realise what she is saying because she never did need to have a filter. She was surrounded with people who didn’t see this as rude or mean, but as character and wit. And people who did find it upsetting weren’t in a position to really tell her how she sounded to the rest of the world. 

You bit your lip as you stared at her, making her gasp. 

“I did it again, didn’t I?” She frowned, her shoulders falling. She was trying to have a filter and that was enough for you. 

“It’s okay,” you shook your head, before giving her a toothy grin. “This dress is stunning!” You gave her a grateful smile as you ran your hands through the softness. 

“I promise to wear it next time.” 

“You can wear it today!” She smiled before doing a little jiggle. “One of JB’s friends has a club opening downtown tonight, and you are coming.”

You sucked in air through your teeth as you pretended to be in pain from the thought of missing this event. 

“I actually have a really important meeting in two days-”

“Stop lying, I know you.” She shot you a blank stare, as she began taking of her clothes and walking into the bathroom. “If you do have a meeting in two days the work for it would’ve finished a week ago, and if not, then you’re just lying.”

“Nerd!” Jaebum called from somewhere in the apartment. 

You growled before looking at Heather in angered confusion. 

“Does he not have a home?!” You said loudly so he could hear you. Heather just shook her head, as she put on her pink robe. 

“Of course he does,” she clipped her hair up. “And you’re coming so get ready, I’ll be out in a jiffy.” 

You were about to object but the door was closed before you could. You sighed as you stared at the dress in defeat. 

___________________________

“You’re wearing that?” Jaebum croaked out as you walked out of Heather’s room ready with your makeup, hair and outfit done. You shot him an annoyed glare in return, before opening the fridge. 

You sighed at the abundance of kombucha, and reached for the can of coke in the bottom row. You turned to find Jaebum staring at you with a weird look. 

“What?” You snapped. “Do you want one?” 

He shook his head no before looking away, his throat bobbing nervously. 

“Weirdo,” you muttered, as you opened your can and gulped a big chug. 

“You know there are glasses, right?” 

“You know you can shut up, right?” You gave him a fuck you smile before walking past him. 

“So you’re really wearing that?” He asked, watching you struggling to sit down. It was a gorgeous dress, and you had to admit it did look good on you, but it was a bit on a tighter side, especially in the decolletage. 

“Yes, why?” you looked at the boy, and instantly looked away as your cheeks flamed. 

Just because he turned out to be like every other boy and clung on to the next best thing in a matter of seconds, did not make him any less physically attractive. 

The way his dark trousled hair was pushed up, the way his jacket tightened around his arms as he crossed them. The pinkness of his lips, and the lip ring that you could not help but wonder how it would feel against your tongue. He was standing so causally, but the tightness on his face, and darkness in his eyes were enough to make you flame up. 

“Isn’t it-”

“A bit too comfortable?” You bit back before he could continue, “Yes, and this is the bigger size.” Your brows shot up as you nodded, as if to say I know, ridiculous. 

 It looked as if he was hesitating to say something for a moment. 

“I think-”

“How do I look?” Heather walked out in a dark green bodycon looking absolutely banging. She walked over and kissed Jaebum’s cheek. 

“Nice.” Jaebum smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, and seemed rather awkward. His eyes skipped over to you; you looked away feeling uncomfortable. 

“Let’s go,” Heather spoke cheerily, breaking the silence that settled in the penthouse. 

As you got up, you felt his eyes on you. 

You knew you shouldn’t, you knew it was bad. 

But you looked up and met his eyes. 

Your body was instantly on fire. 

He didn’t walk after Heather, he stood there walking you walk closer to him. Your eyes didn’t leave him, and even though everything in your body was telling you to look away you couldn’t. 

You finally walked past him and took your eyes off him and trained it on the door that Heather had walked out off. 

“And you,” Jaebum whispered, his body so close to you, you felt his breath tickle the back of your neck, “look absolutely ravishing.” 

Tingles ignited in your core making you slightly press your legs together, as your chest heaved. 

Bloody hell. You hated him. 

________________________

The dark liqour burned your throat as you took another sip and scanned the club you ended up in tonight. You couldn’t lie, this club was pretty amazing. It was well planned, and the design and lighting of the place was inviting, playful and classy all at once. 

“I can’t tell if you’re actually an alcoholic or just like torture,” Jaebum commented from beside you. You turned towards him ready to bite back, but were taken aback by how stunning he looked. The lights in this club really did favour him alot. 

“Shouldn’t you be grinding on my bestfriend?” You asked instead, as you looked for Heather.

“Someone’s already beat me to it,” you heard him mutter, as you found your friend laughing and leaning back against another guy. You frowned at that, Jaebum was much better looking than that clown. 

“And you’re okay with that?” You asked, being careful, incase he was hurt. You didn’t know if Heather was having a play around with Jaebum or whether it was serious, and didn’t want to promise in her stead. But something about the way Jaebum had said that made your heart sink slightly. 

He shrugged before taking a sip of his drink, “it’s none of my business.” 

You groaned internally. He was such a melodramatic king. 

“Hey guys!” Heather came up to the table you and Jaebum were sitting at. “You guys are so boring,” she pouted in proper tipsy Heather style. “Why don’t you guys dance? Have fun kids.” 

She took Jaebum’s glass emptied it, before heading out to the same guy who welcomed her with open arms and probably a hard dick. 

You glared at him when his eyes met yours and he instantly looked away. 

“JB!” A voice yelled from behind you, you turned to find a handsome guy in a very expensive looking suit. “My man, you made it!” 

He hugged Jaebum who looked as if he wanted to get far away from here. You chuckled at his pained expression. 

“Thanks for the invite, Bam,” Jaebum smiled. “You really turned the place around. It looks great!” 

Bam shrugged, before shifting his attention to you. His eyes took you in, and his smile widened. 

“Hi,” he held your hand bringing it to his lips. You turned to look at Jaebum with a humoured smile. “My friends call me Bam, but you can call me Bambam.”

Your eyebrows rose, as a giggle left you. 

“It’s so good you have to say it twice.” 

This time you laughed, taking your hand back. 

He was an actual literal clown. 

“I can’t believe you used a children’s movie as a pick up line.”

Bambam gasped as he looked at Jaebum. “Who is this uncultured lady calling animated films children’s movies?” 

“That’s on you Bambam,” Jaebum rose his hands up. “We told you that pick up line was ridiculious.” 

Bambam looked at you with playful eyes instead, “You’re lucky you’re so goodlooking. Otherwise this conversation would’ve been long over.”

“Oh, lucky me,” you rolled your eyes, smiling. “I’m y/n, by the way. This place is amazing! The design is immaculate.” 

“Thank you, all done by me,” Bambam put a hand to his chest and took a little bow. 

Jaebum tried to ask Bambam something, but Bambam didn’t look away from you. He cut off Jaebum and asked, “So, you two are a thing?”

“No,” you answered, letting out a chuckle. “I don’t think you could even call us friends.”

You felt Jaebum’s eyes on you, but you ignored him. 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Bambam asked, taking a step closer. 

“Much to my displeasure, I have no choice but to see people with this sight of mine,” Jaebum straight up snorted at your horrible attempt at humour, while Bambam smirked at you. “But if you’re asking romantically, then no.”

“Good,” Bambam said, and you gulped, before looking away nervously. “How about Friday-”

“You party poopers!” Heather giggled before banging her hands on the table. “All of you on the dance floor right, now.” 

She took your hand and dragged you away from the pair. You turned back and saw Bambam follow, with a sulken Jaebum trailing behind slowly. 

Heather placed her hands on your waist, making your sway with the music. You gave in deciding fighting it won’t get you anywhere. She turned around, and leaned against you, making you laugh as she moved against you. You turned around, both of bodies moving fluently in slut. 

You laughed as she reached back and slapped your ass, before pressing her front against you. 

“He’s cute,” she breathed into your ear. You looked up and saw Bambam studying you both. 

“Is he?” you replied, before hissing. “I don’t know, he’s not my type.” 

“Claim him before I make him mine,” she pushed you against him. Bambam grabbed you, and you instantly wanted to get away. 

It didn’t last long though. 

“Who is she?” Bambam asked leaning into your ear. You followed his gaze that was looking at Heather hungrily. 

“She’s Heather, my friend.” You answered, wanting to escape more than ever. You knew what was happening, it had happened so many times already that you were already dissociating from your body. 

“You don’t mind?” He asked, biting his lip as he looked at you. 

You shook your head, atleast he asked. 

“Thanks, babe,” he winked at you.

He moved past you before you could tell him that her and Jaebum were together. You turned to find Heather and Bambam already dancing together. You searched for Jaebum but couldn’t find him anywhere. 

You turned, bumping into someone. 

“Oh sorry,” you said softly before looking up, and finding Jaebum. You didn’t like the way he was looking at you. 

“I’m going to catch some fresh air,” you pushed past him, and walked out of the club. Instead of walking out onto the street, you turned and walked towards the stairways leadnig up. 

You needed to be alone. Actually, alone. Not surrounded by strangers on a cold late street. 

You let out a deep breath as you finally made it to the rooftop. It was much higher than you had expected and were pretty winded up, but you didn’t mind. There was no one here, and the view just made it much better. 

But that didn’t last long. 

You heard footsteps behind you, and even without turning you could tell it was him. The way your body began heating up from his stare, the sounds of his footsteps, you could tell it was him. 

“What are you doing here?” You called out, without turning back. “Don’t you have a friend to seperate from your girlfriend?”

“If I didn’t know any better,” he replied, his steps slowling down. “You sound a tad bit jealous.”

“Oh please,” you rolled your eyes as you turned away from the littering city lights. “He was not my type. It’s better he went away himself.” 

Jaebum stared at you with another one of those intense looks. He looked at you as if he could see you clearer than anything else in the world. He looked at you as if he had solved a puzzle and was now inspecting every piece carefully. He looked at you like you were the only thing he has ever looked at. 

You tore your eyes away, your cheeks burning again. 

“How did you know it was me?” He asked, licking his lips. Jaebum placed his forearms on the railing, and some dangerous part of you imagined you between his arms. Between him and the railing. Your dress hitched, your breathe heavy moaning his name as he rammed into you. 

You turned around, and pressed your legs together. 

“It was your goddamn tap dancing shoes,” you lied, making him laugh. 

“These shoes cost this much just so it doesn’t sound like that,” he looked over at you, and you smiled back despite yourself. 

You bit your lip and looked away, as imagines of his mouth on your skin scorched your mind. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, and you shivered slightly. 

“I told you, Jae,” you breathed annoyed. “He was not my type.”

“And what if he was?” 

You were. 

“What would you do then?” His dark eyes peered into yours. You didn’t know if it was him, you didn’t know if it was you, but the distance between you lessened. 

Your dress hitched at your thighs as your body pressed against Jaebum’s. 

His minty breath laced with liqour brushed your lips, and you savoured its warmth. You wanted to feel it all over your body. 

Your eyes flashed to the lip ring and you once again imagined it between your lips. 

Jaebum was your type. He was most definately you type, and you let him chose her. 

“If anyone was my type,” you lifted your gaze to stare into his. His dark eyes shown with something, and you hoped it was understanding. He was your type, you had wanted him, but he had chose her. “He wouldn’t chose her.”

He had chosen her. 

“He would be an incredible fool to do that,” he didn’t move away from you, but he didn’t move in closer. 

You stayed for a moment, calming your body from crashing into his. 

You snorted in distaste before chuckling and moving away. You stared at the city lights one more time before turning back towards the building. 

Jaebum remained there, his body turned towards the lights, but his mind some place else. His knuckles white by his side, his body tight. 

You smirked at him over your shoulder. 

Jaebum looked over his shoulder when he heard your heels stop halfway to the door. 

“You fool.” You scoffed, before walking away. 

[hyuniepot]

the butterfly effect. || chapter one

chapter word count || 3,214

genre || thriller, angst, drama

members || mark lee, na jaemin, lee jeno, huang renjun, lee donghyuck, zhong chenle, park jisung

warnings || mentions of death, implications of depression

pairing || fem!reader x jaemin || slight fem!reader x mark

synopsis || you never thought you’d be able to play with fate so easily, especially not through some shady app. but you suddenly must say goodbye to what you know and hello to a new world where everything seems perfect.

a/n || reposting this chapter because tumblr made it glitch out for some reason ;-; praying everything works out this time!! as always, send me a message or an ask to be added to the taglist.

You used to be scared of butterflies.

You used to be scared of butterflies.

You used to be scared of butterflies.

Yes, the thought of it is silly, but you were. You didn’t like bugs at all, the pretty ones included. The thought of them crawling on your skin made you ill. But there was one thing you loved, and that was your friend, Mark. And unlike you, Mark loved butterflies. So when he asked you to go to a butterfly exhibit with him, you sucked it up and said yes.

And you realized that day that butterflies were beautiful. They were harmless, and you giggled as they landed on you, excitedly showing Mark as you conquered your fear of them. Mark helped you conquer a lot of your fears.

And ever since he left, you felt more fearful than ever. Losing him made you realize how fragile life really was, and you hated it. You hated feeling like everything was on the verge of being lost.

“You good?” you jump at the sound of Jaemin’s voice in your ear. You blink, realizing you had completely zoned out. You were sitting next to him on the bus to school. You quickly glance out the window once more. The butterfly you had been admiring was gone.

You nod. “I’m okay. Just tired.” you respond.

Jaemin grins and grabs onto your hand. “Okay. Just checking in.” he says softly. “Um, we’re all gonna get food after school if you wanna come. It’s just a really nice day, it’d be a shame not to go out in it, you know?”

Truth be told, you had been feeling weird lately, and going out with your friends (or, to be more accurate — your boyfriend and his friends that you were friends with by association) was probably what you needed. “That sounds nice.”

The bus had arrived at school. Jaemin stands and picks up his bag, letting you out in front of him. You exit the bus and you’re met with the warm air enveloping you, the sun hitting your eyes and making you squint. Jaemin exits the bus as well, his frame blocking the sun from blinding you. He puts his arm around you, and you grab onto his hand out of instinct.

“Hey guys, got room for more?” you feel another arm around your shoulder.

“Hyuck, no. You’re gross.” Jaemin groans, rolling his eyes.

Hyuck gasps dramatically. “That’s mean. You didn’t even consult with your girlfriend first.”

You smile. “Sorry, Hyuck. But I’m only interested in Jaemin.” you tell him.

Hyuck removes his arm from your shoulder and crosses his arms. “What a low blow…” he mutters. Hyuck was your childhood friend. He grew up with you and Mark. He was like a happy virus, and you weren’t sure if you would have survived losing Mark if he hadn’t been there for you.

You giggle. “Sorry to break your heart.”

“You’d think after months of being rejected he’d give up, but he’s a trooper.” Jaemin adds.

Hyuck rolls his eyes this time. “It’s only because you guys are gross and kissy-kissy in public. We’re in school,” he says, moving away from his spot next to you. He puts himself in between you and Jaemin. “Leave room for Jesus.”

“Oh my god, Hyuck,” you laugh. “You are so annoying. You’re lucky you’re my best friend.” you tell him.

Hyuck grins and sticks out his tongue, turning down a hallway as you guys pass it. “You’re damn right you’re lucky,” he calls. “I’ll see you guys later!”

Jaemin shakes his head, laughing. “He’s such a weirdo. Love him, though.”

You reach your locker and lean against it. “He is. You learn how to deal with him after so long. I’ll meet you outside the entrance doors after school. Do you guys know where you’re going to eat?”

Jaemin leans up against the locker next to yours. “Nah, not yet. We’ll figure it out before the day ends.” he tells you. “You have a good day, alright?” he pecks your cheek.

You smile. “I will.” Jaemin gives you one last grin before turning and continuing down the hallway.

[12:39 p.m.]

“What kind of weird shit do you read at night?” Naeun asks, scowling at Jiwoo.

“It’s not weird!” Jiwoo cries, turning her phone screen towards the dark-haired girl. “There’s real proof!”

“What are you guys talking about?” you ask, taking a seat next to Naeun.

“Apparently there’s an app that can change your fate,” Sungyeon speaks up, holding back a laugh. “Jiwoo found it.”

Jiwoo turns her attention towards you. “See! You’ll believe me, right?” she turns her phone to you.

You furrow your brows and decide not to answer her question. You read the article she had pulled up.

According to the 13-year-old who downloaded the app, ButterFly, his wish came true a mere 3 hours after sending it into the ButterFly HQ. The young boy wished for his cat to come back to life, who had been dead for nearly a month. A few hours later, a cat showed up at the boy’s window. It was identical to the one the boy had.

ButterFly, a self-proclaimed life changing app has been growing in popularity as people hope to change their past. But the real question is, does this app really change a life or is it simply coincidence?

“Jiwoo…” you say softly.

“Come on,” she whines. “I can’t be the only one who thinks it could actually be real!”

“I’m afraid you are.” Sungyeon tells her, taking a bite of her food. “It’s just a coincidence. The only success story they have is something so… normal.”

“If they want to impress me, they have to come up with something way more exciting than a kid finding his cat.” Naeun says.

Jiwoo pouts, turning off her phone. “But… it’d just be so cool if it was real.”

“I agree, but an app should never be trusted for something like that. Plus, if an app had the powers to change the trajectory of someone’s life, wouldn’t the butterfly effect happen?” you asked.

“She’s right,” Naeun says. “Fate is not something to play around with.”

Dejected, Jiwoo surrenders and turns her attention back to finishing her lunch.

“What is that again?” Sungyeon asks. “The butterfly effect?”

“The idea that even tiny changes can make huge and unexpected changes,” you explain. “Like a butterfly flapping its wings can cause a typhoon.”

“Hmm,” Sungyeon hums. “That’s interesting.”

“Yeah, like if Jiwoo was born as a boy, maybe she’d be dating you and you’d be a millionaire for some reason.” Naeun takes a drink from her water bottle.

“What?” Sungyeon cringes.

“Hey, what’s that face for?” Jiwoo cries. “I think I’d be a cute boy.”

You laugh and shake your head as your friends continue to playfully banter about who would be the cutest boy in a parallel universe.

[3:30 p.m.]

You stand by the entrance doors, rocking back and forth on your heels. You try not to look too awkward as you wait for Jaemin and his friends. You wave to Naeun as she leaves, and are relieved when Jaemin appears a few moments later. He immediately spots you and makes his way to you, smiling. His friends, Jeno and Renjun walk behind him with Hyuck, loudly talking about something.

“Hi,” Jaemin says. “Did you have a good day?”

You grin. “It was fine. How about you?” you start walking away from school, taking hold of his hand.

“It was good. I have some annoying homework, but…” he trails off.

Renjun suddenly runs past you, turning around with a disgusted look on his face. “Hyuck, for the last time, I will not hold your hand!”

You turn your head to see a pouty Hyuck. “I just wanted to fit in!”

You laugh and roll your eyes, turning your head back towards the sidewalk in front of you. You all make your way to a nearby restaurant. You sat next to Jaemin in a booth and Jeno, Renjun, and Hyuck all squeezed into the one across from you. You all ordered drinks.

“Oh, Jaemin,” Jeno says, picking his bag up from the floor. He pulls out a notebook and hands it to Jaemin. “Thanks for your notes.”

Jaemin nods. “No problem.”

“Jeno,” Renjun says, shaking his head. “You’re never gonna learn if you keep copying Jaemin’s notes.”

Jeno shrugs. “It’s not like I do it all the time,” he says, defending himself.

“You borrow my notes, too, though… so Renjun kinda has a point.” Hyuck says, leaning back as the waitress sets his drink down in front of him.

You pull out your phone as the boys argue yet again just to see what was happening on your social media. It was mostly random tweets and posts from people you knew, but there was something that caught your eye. It was a promoted post from ButterFly. It had no likes or anything, despite being promoted to your Twitter timeline. And it wasn’t just one. After a few scrolls, you saw another ad from the app, just with a different caption. You saw another one before shaking your head and exiting the app. You opened Instagram, just to be met with the same ad.

Don’t be afraid. Having the chance to change your fate is much more fun than you think.

The caption sent chills down your spine. It didn’t sound like something that should be promoted. You clicked the link the ad provided, but it simply took you to the app store. Your curiosity was getting the best of you. You wanted to download the app, but something was holding you back.

Jaemin nudged your shoulder, making you jump.

“Huh?” you ask. Everyone’s eyes were on you.

“Do you want something to eat?” Jaemin asked.

“Oh,” you look at the waitress next to the table, notebook and pen in hand. “I’m okay.” you reply.

The waitress nods before turning around and entering the kitchen. You stand up from your seat at the booth. “I need to go to the bathroom.” You shoved your phone into a pocket on your bookbag and rushed to the bathroom.

You shut the door behind you, walking to the sink. You looked at yourself. You looked tired, disheveled. You couldn’t get rid of the feeling you had felt since waking up. You could barely even describe it. It almost felt like dread, but it was more of an unexplainable sadness. Not even being with your friends seemed to help it. You turned on the water, splashing your cheeks with cold water. How had you been so enchanted by the ads of that app that you had become completely oblivious to what was going on around you?

You dried your face before you heard a small knock on the door. “Hey, are you okay?” You opened the door and saw Jaemin. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern.

You forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, sorry…” you say, stepping out of the bathroom.

“You’ve been acting… strange today. No offense,” Jaemin says.

“None taken,” you sigh. “I know I have. Everything just feels off today, I don’t know why.” You tell him.

Jaemin puts his arm around you and you both begin walking back to the table the others were at. “It’s okay to feel that way… I think everyone does. It just sucks to watch you feel so sad.” Jaemin says. He sighs. “I really hope you start feeling better soon. I miss hearing your laugh.”

You smile. “I miss it too,” you say, reaching the table. Jaemin scoots into the booth and you follow after. You try to ignore the horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach and have a good afternoon with your friends. You ended up starting to feel better. You stole some of Hyuck’s food after panicking and not ordering some of your own. You laughed at everyone’s jokes and dumb arguments, and before you knew it, an hour had passed. You all decided to stop being a bother and leave. You waited outside as everyone paid; Jaemin offered to pay for you since all you got was a drink.

“Are you heading home?” Jeno asked Jaemin.

He nodded. “I’m gonna walk this one home and then head home myself,” he said, resting his head on yours.

Jeno nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Renjun and Hyuck also waved goodbye. They were all going to Jeno’s. You went your separate ways, and as much as you loved them, you were glad to be alone with Jaemin. Your house wasn’t too far, but even if it was just a few minutes, you were glad to be with him.

“Are you just gonna go home and do homework?” you ask.

Jaemin nods. “Yeah… it’s probably gonna take some time.”

“Sorry baby,” you say. “I’ll facetime you once my mom gets home,” you tell him.

Your mother worked late, so you were in charge of looking after your younger brother, Jisung, until she got home. He was only 2 years younger than you, so it’s not like it was hard, but you still felt obligated to keep tabs on him.

“You don’t have to,” he says. You both walked through your driveway and to the front door. “But if you want to, however… I would love it if you did.” he grins as you open your door.

“Well, then expect a call later,” you say, grabbing both of his hands.

Jaemin leans in and kisses you, and for a second, it feels like everything is okay.

“Gross!” a voice yells. You jump away from Jaemin and turn around.

“Jisung, your sister and her boyfriend are smashing their faces together again!” Chenle, who was standing in the kitchen, yells. Jisung’s pokes his head around the corner.

“Shut up, Chenle.” you say, grinning. “You’re not a child, kissing isn’t that weird.”

You step inside, taking off your shoes and setting your bag down. Jaemin steps in behind you and walks to the kitchen, putting Chenle in a headlock. “You little jerk,” Jaemin teases.

Chenle giggles, trying to get out of Jaemin’s arms. You walk to the living room where Jisung had gone, continuing his video game. “How was your day?” you ask.

“Good.” Jisung says, eyes still glued to the TV.

“That’s good,” you look back to the kitchen and see that Jaemin has released Chenle, and is now talking to him. “Do you have homework?”

Jisung nods. You watch the TV, and watch his character die. Jisung sighs and sets the controller down, turning to you. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Can you try and get it done before Mom gets home?” you ask.

Jisung nods. “Yeah… Chenle and I have the same homework so we can do it together, I guess.”

You nod and go back to the kitchen. Talking to Jisung sometimes felt like talking to a brick wall. “I better get going.” Jaemin says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You walk him to the door. “I’ll see you.” you grab both of his hands again, never wanting to let go. Jaemin kisses your cheek and turns.

You bite your lip. Why was this horrible feeling back so suddenly? “Hey, Jaemin?” you call after him. He turns back around.

“I love you.” you say, almost too softly. For a second you weren’t even sure if he heard you, but he gives you that classic smile, the one that made you fall in love with him in the first place.

“I love you too.” he blows you a kiss before walking away.

[9:41 p.m.]

You sat down on your bed, freshly out of the shower. Since Jaemin had left, you helped Jisung and Chenle with their homework, did your own homework, and facetimed Jaemin for a bit while he did his. And then you took a long shower in an attempt to clear your head.

You look around for your phone, finding it hidden in a blanket on your bed. You answer some unread texts and then open Instagram again. You’re met with the same ads from before. Your heart drops.

Without thinking you click the link again, pressing download. It downloaded in no time. Your thumb hovers over the icon of the app. The moment you muster up the courage to click on it, there’s a knock at your bedroom door.

You jump, startled, but get up and open it.

Your mother’s exhausted face greets you. “Hi sweetie. I’m going straight to bed, so… goodnight. I hope you had a good day.”

You smile, shakily exhaling. “Today was fine. Goodnight.” you say, not wanting to delay her sleep anymore.

She gives you a warm smile before going to her room. Before you close your door, Jisung appears from the staircase nearby. “You going to bed?” he asks.

“Uh,” you open your phone, looking at the time.

ButterFlyHQ

Greetings. What is your name?

You ignore the notification. “No… but I’ll probably be in my room for the rest of the night.”

“Oh, okay… well… goodnight then.” he says, going to his room which was right across from yours. He closes the door without another word.

You press your lips together and shut your door as well, laying down on your bed. You opened your phone and clicked on ButterFly.

1 Unread Message

ButterFlyHQ

Greetings. What is your name?

You hesitantly enter your name. You regret it as soon as you responded — maybe you should’ve used a fake name.

ButterFlyHQ

Hello, (y/n).

What do you wish to change?

Wow, straight to the point… You think.

You wonder what you should enter. You try to think of the most outrageous thing you could think of, something completely unimaginable. Something that would surely trigger the Butterfly Effect.

There were things you actually wanted to change.

You wanted your mother to stop being so stressed.

You wanted Jisung to be happy.

You wanted to stop feeling so insecure about you and Jaemin’s relationship.

You wanted Jiwoo to finally pass trigonometry.

Okay, the last one was a bit dumb, and actually imaginable. And then you thought of the most impossible thing.

You

I want my best friend to come back to life.

You almost laugh as you sent the message. But your faint smile fades at the immediate response.

ButterFlyHQ

What is your best friend’s name?

This was suddenly feeling too personal.

You

Mark Lee.

ButterFlyHQ

Understood. We will try our best to meet your request.

You stare at your phone. Now what? You turned your phone off and set it on your nightstand, plugging it into the charger before laying down and staring at the ceiling.

Great, now some random stranger knows some girl thinks an app can bring her friend back from the grave.

When you got the chance, you were gonna chew Jiwoo out for bringing that app up. You get under the covers and close your eyes, trying to sleep. But your mind was racing. You finally feel yourself drifting, your mind finally giving you some peace.

Your last thought before you finally fall asleep is Jaemin. You just wanted to be with him again, his arm around your shoulder, his fingers lazily intertwined with yours. You felt yourself smiling before finally falling asleep, unknowingly saying goodbye to your last normal day.

[wwoodaengie]

ship (Levi Ackerman x Reader)

You and Hange are seated on the bleachers in front of the soccer field as you watch the football team do their warm-ups.

“And you invited me here because?” you asked Hange who never spoke ever since you arrived, which is probably a good 5 minutes.. 

“Levi is attractive.” you rolled your eyes at her statement. “So, why not?” she asked looking at you. “Ugh, Hange for the last time i am not asking him out and no, I don't like him! Why did you even invite me here, aren’t you supposed to be in class?!” you said. “Shouldn’t you be at class too?” Hange said. “My classes are done.” you said. 

The both of you looked back when you heard a thud, but you saw no one so the both of you  just shrugged it off.

Hange begged you to stay and watch the whole training of the football team. You picked your things up and started walking down the bleachers to go back to your dorm. “You guys should really date, you look good together.” Hange said. “How do you know we look good together?” you asked. She opened her ipad and showed a sketch of the both of you. “What the hell?! Hange, i know you’re an art major but what the fuck?” you pulled turned the ipad off and looked around to make sure no one saw the drawing. 

You were roommates with Hange and ever since he laid eyes on Levi and you, she never stopped talking about how you should date the football player. 

Levi is not a stranger to you, to the both of you. 

The 3 of you sat beside each other during the first year orientation, you started to hangout with Hange often and you shared a couple of classes with Levi, 

But you are not friends with him, more of like a colleague as you always explain to Hange. 

You never shared deep conversations, you never hung out with him, and you never talked to him at parties.

But, (as to what will Hange say)

You watched his games.

You wish him good luck.

You congratulated him if they win.

You shared your homework with him.

You wished him a happy birthday

You get invited to parties and you see him there, but you only nod at each other. 

There are obviously no reason to agree with Hange. 

Although he is cute, he is quite popular, very quiet, classy, and mysterious. Levi is like the man who came out of a YA movie and every girl liked him. 

The next day you were walking in the hallways of you building, you saw levi, so you smiled and continued to walk, but you were surprised when he suddenly sat in front of you at the cafeteria during lunch.

You raised your eyebrows-

“What’s not to like about me?” he asked. “Excuse me?” you asked confused. 

“Yeah, what's not to like with my friend.” A brown-haired man sat beside you. “See, I heard you talk about him with Hange the other day, so i asked Hange if you liked him and she said no, so now we are asking you if you don’t like my friend.” The brown haired guy, who is probably his teammate said. “Sorry, what is happening? and  why are you bugging me?” you asked. “I just wanted to know.” Levi said. 

You stood up and prepared to leave--

“Go out with me then, if you still don’t like me then i’ll leave you be.” Levi said.  

You are completely dumbfounded and confused with what's happening, so you just left and ignored Levi’s question. 

-- 

Miche laughed and looked at Levi who was looking at the retreating figure of the girl he just asked out. 

Levi glared at Erwin which made him stop laughing. “You shithead said it was gonna work” Levi started to walk away from the table. The blonde man stood beside him and draped his arm over at Levi’s. “ I said just ask her out, because obviously your little stunts with Hange is not working on her. Come on man, it's been 2 years, grow some balls and just ask her--” “I just did, she ran away. Are you bind?” Levi said with red ears and red face. 

You became Levi’s apple of the eye.

Ever since that freshman orientation, he wanted to ask you out many months ago but football happened. So instead of confessing his feelings to you, he confessed to Hange instead.

“I like y/n.” Levi said as he blocked Hange’s way. “Okay? Obviously i’m not her, so don’t expect me to blush and pass out. Excuse me.” she said and left. 

That day Levi couldn’t focus on training, he injured his foot. 

“Get well soon, Levi” 

Levi almost choked himself when he heard your voice, he looked up to say thanks but he was speechless, damn your such angel, he thought. So he just nodded. 

The only people who knew about his feelings were Hange, who is not even his friend, as of the moment and Miche, his teammate who ‘just’ knew. 

Levi can’t remember how he managed to convince Hange to set him up with you. 

“It’s not working anymore, ask her out yourself.” Hange said over the phone one day after practice. “Of course it won't work you asked her to ask me out who the hell does that?” 

“It’s the 20th century girls are allowed to do that.” Hange explained. “I know, but you only ask people you like SHE doesn’t like me.” 

Levi is frustrated as ever.

When he dropped the phone. Miche was already behind him. 

“Go shower, you smell like shit.” said Miche. Levi gave him the middle finger and went to the bathroom. 

“You know if you really like her! Man up and ask her out yourself!” Miche shouted. 

And that’s how he found himself asking you out on a very random day.. And time. 

And.. now you left.. 

You probably think of him as a weirdo. 

--

“And then I left.”

You are now hanging out with Hange to continue your interrupted lunch a while ago. You told her about what happened. 

“And I know its rude to not answer him and leave but i was pretty shocked” you explained.

“Well, what would you say if you didn’t leave?” Hange asked. 

You opened your mouth to speak but no words came. 

“Okay, Do you think I should go out with him?” you asked. 

“Excuse me? Did your little mind forgot how long I was convincing you?” Hange raised her brows. 

You bit your lip and grabbed your phone to call Levi. 

“You have his phone number?” Hange asked. “Yeah, academic purposes.” you said and dialled his phone. 

-

Levi couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

You are calling him. 

You.

The girl he likes you.

Y o u 

“Oh for fucks sake Levi answer the goddamn phone.” Miche said.

“Hello?”

“Uhh, hi is this Levi?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh, uhm, hi Levi I-i just wanted to apologize a while ago, I didn’t mean to leave like that I was just-just you know, shocked.” 

He was smiling, like a fool. 

“That’s fine.” Levi said. He looked at Miche who is mouthing ‘ASK HER OUT!!’ 

“Yeah so about that--” 

“Can we meet? I’m at the field.” you said. 

Levi is on his way to the field his mind is in rumbles on what’s gonna happen. 

Did Hange told her? 

Is he gonna get rejected?

What the hell? 

He didn’t even start? 

You’re seated on the bleachers when he arrived. He looked at you and he just cant help but admire your face as your hair was blown by the wind. 

You smiled at him.

“Hey” your said. 

Levi just gave you a nod. 

“So a while ago, uhm..-”

“Do you still want to go out with me?” Levi asked. 

You bit you lip to prevent you smile as you nod. 

“Really? Seriously?” Levi excitedly asked. 

“Yeah.” you said as you chuckled. 

“Okay so uhm, when are you free?” Levi asked. “Anytime” you said. “Movie? Tomorrow night? -- oh no, that sucks. Uhm, dinner tomorrow at the diner, okay with you?” 

“Yeah, that’s okay with me.” you said. 

“Great, see you then.” Levi said and just looked at you. 

“So, i’ll go now.” you said. 

Levi nodded, so you started walking away. 

You went back with a smile on your face thinking about what just happened.

a/n: hi, welcome to the club, Levi. also, please please forgive me with this it bugged me the whole day. anyw, enjoy (please) 

also is thif fluffy enough. idk how it feels, wala na nagpapakilig sa akin. chz.

[zhowongli]

coming home (right into your arms)

notes: hi friends. sorry i have the vocab of a child. slightly suggestively end. mentions of two younger sisters with names, but feel free to ignore/replace the names! song accompaniment recommendation: folklore album by taylor swift!

summary: because you drew stars around my scars. AU in which the phase that made you fall in love with your soulmate is tattooed on your wrist. it starts as exceptionally light and grows darker as you fall in love until it is completely black. – kuroo/oc

wc: 6.5k

You were vaguely aware of the concept of soulmates at six years old. The words appeared on your wrist just as you were done with your latest drawing – a picture of your parents, you, and your younger sisters. It freaked you out to no end, and you cried a little when you realized you couldn't scrub the marks away. When your mom found you, you could barely blubber out why you were crying so you ended up just showing her your wrist. She stared at you with wide eyes before she let out a soft laugh, which made you temporarily stop crying to stare at her with tears still threatening to spill from your eyes. Seeing your distress, she kissed your wrist and hugged you.

"It's okay, baby. It's nothing to worry about," she whispered softly. "Those are the words that your soulmate will say to you when you fall in love with them," she paused. "It's still faint now, but one day, when you really fall in love with them, it will turn black, just like mama's."

As she said that, she showed you her wrist, onyx black words inked onto her wrist. You stared at her wrist first and traced over the words on there before you stared at her with confusion in your childish eyes. You didn't get it, but you sucked up the snot that was about to drip and wiped the unshed tears leftover in your eyes before you nodded at her since she told you it was okay. She laughed lightly again before patting your head lovingly. She continued to explain that it was something like a permanent best friend, someone who knew you and loved you.

"So, like you and daddy and Maika and Haruna?" You listed off the members of your family on your small hands and tilted your head, not understanding it.

"Something like that," your mom nodded, "But it's a little different. It's a bond that only you and your soulmate will have. You will always feel at home with them."

Your mom could tell you still didn't understand it, so she just added that it might be too complicated to understand now, but that was okay since you were still young. One day though, you will meet someone just for you. You nodded again because although you didn't know what she meant, you were excited to have another best friend in your life one day.

That night, as you laid in bed, you traced the words tattooed on your wrist as you dreamed of laughter in sunlit rooms with your parents, playful teasing between your sisters and you, and dirty socks and skinned knees on playgrounds with your friends.

~✩~✩~✩~

You were eighteen when you first met Kuroo Tetsurou. Your little sister invited you to her school's volleyball game, which you thought was rather strange since she usually didn't go out to these events, but you accepted nonetheless because you thought she looked rather nervous. She was usually bold and confident and rather independent, so you were always happy that she could lean on you if she ever needed support.

Even though your university was a few stations over, you arrived a little earlier than planned. You have never been to Nekoma before since you chose to attend a high school that was further away from your house. Since it was a good half hour earlier than planned, your little sister wasn't here yet, and you were honestly a little lost. Although you just graduated a few months ago, you felt a little out of place, wearing what you wore to class – casual clothes and thick bracelets to cover your tattoo – looking for a gym. You took a glance at your phone to see if she texted you where she was, but she hadn't sent anything else since her last update.

You huffed silently as you circled back into the same spot you were in earlier. You cursed the gods for giving you a bad sense of direction – you couldn't help it, okay? – because this always happened. Luckily, as if someone heard your silent prayers, a high schooler in a red Nekoma uniform called out to you. His bright red jersey with the number 1 on it should have been easily the first thing that drew your eye, but his messy, untamed black hair and his half-grin half-smirk smile caught your eye and somehow eased all your tensions and worries.

He asked you if you were lost, and you told him hopelessly. At that, you heard his unique sounding laugh – it almost sounds like a hyena you thought to yourself- and you couldn’t help but laugh too. When you told him you were here for the volleyball game, his eyes lit up, and you found that you rather liked his animated gray eyes despite how scheming he looked at first.

"Thank you for finding me," you mumbled and bowed gracefully as he led you to the gym.

He paused as you said those words, stopping in place. When you looked back at him, you saw that he was twisting his black wristband with shock and the slightest dust of pink on his face.

"Sorry about that. I'm happy to help," he finally flashed his unique smile again. "Hope you're here to cheer for us?"

He made you laugh effortlessly. "Of course."

Only when he disappeared in the gym lockers did you realize you didn't catch his name.

~✩~✩~✩~

Your sister arrived shortly after; her dyed hair caught your eye rather quickly. She hastily made her way next to you, mumbling quick excuse me’s and sorry’s along the way, and as she reached you, you realized that she looked absolutely starstruck by the players arriving on the court.

"Hey." You tapped her shoulder, which caused her to jump a little. You laughed as she mumbled a quick hi, filled you in on the basics of volleyball, and went back to focusing on the game, eyes trailing after a certain player. You giggled a little at the sight and thought that she was incredibly cute. Following her example, you also began focusing on the game below, taking note that the game was starting.

You were always more of an indoor person, so you never went to a volleyball game. You remembered mandatory games for physical education classes, but even then, you only did what you had to do to pass the class. Despite not knowing much about volleyball, seeing these boys try so hard to keep the ball in the air, to keep the game going, to have the tenacity and drive to win, leaving you in awe. After Nekoma scored another point, the other team called a time out. During this time, you noticed that the same boy in jersey number 1 said something to his team and it immediately lifted the tired team's spirits. You briefly wondered if he was the captain. When you heard his hyena laugh, it left an impression on you as you began to laugh – it was so contagious.

"Nee-chan," your sister began as she looked at you, "Why are you laughing like a weirdo?"

"Shh," you shushed her with your finger, "Don't worry about it. Go back to watching the game."

She didn't need to be told twice as the time out ended and the game started back in action. After the time out, the other team was steadier, but it was still too late for them to catch up to Nekoma. The player with the 1 jersey blocked a ball, and as the ball bounced back to the other side of the court, the judge shouted out the match point. At that, the gym went wild with cheers – the audience rose and clapped as the team looked to each other and bowed to the audience before lining up for handshakes. Your eyes mindless trail over all the players, and to your surprise, you ended up staring into familiar gray eyes. For a moment, it felt like the world stilled and you couldn’t breathe. Only when your sister called for you, you awoke from your trance and flashed him a smile. You saw his smile and a small wave from the corner of your eye before you directed your attention to your little sister. You still didn't really get volleyball, but you can understand why your little sister looked so starstruck after seeing these players' resilience and skill and the joy on their faces.

You were about to leave when your little sister grabbed onto the sleeve of your top with one hand. She held her phone on one hand, screen still on a conversation with someone, and blurted, "Nee-chan, wait! I'll introduce you! Stay with me!" She looked at you with almost pleading eyes.

You were a little cautious because you didn't want to be in the middle of yet another set up by your little sister. You raised an eyebrow at her before she pouted, looking a lot more nervous than the usual playful teasing she had in her eye when she tried to set you up. "Please?"

"Okay, lover girl," you laughed, "Only because you asked so nicely."

She introduced you to the team shortly afterward. To be honest, you didn’t really even know your sister was interested in volleyball or were on such friendly terms with the volleyball team. However, when you saw their interactions, it warmed your heart to know that your sister was surrounded by people who loved her. She reckoned that they should call you two by your first names because it would just get too confusing if they addressed both of you by your last name here. That gave various reactions amongst the team members: some stuttered and stumbled saying your names, some had no trouble at all. When you caught your sister’s face heating up after the one whom she introduced as Kozume Kenma mumbled her name hesitantly, you began to understand why she wanted you here. As the players began leaving one by one, it ended up with the four of you: your sister, you, Kozume Kenma, and your savior in red, Kuroo Tetsurou.

Picking up on the fact that your sister liked Kenma, you were trying to figure out ways to let them have a little bit more time to themselves. It seemed like Kuroo had the same idea as you because as you excused yourself from the group, he mentioned that he will walk you to the station as it was late. You swore you saw your little sister's fingers fumbling the edge of her top, and you laughed lightly at how flustered and cute she was being. You gave a small wave with a smile on your face before made your way out with Kuroo by your side.

You guys didn't get to talk much since it was a group conversation contributed by everyone. However, based on your observations and few interactions, it was unsurprising that conversation with Kuroo was easy. He was charming and observant, easily filling in conversation when you didn't, and even the quiet in between conversations felt comfortable, like you've known each other for years.

Within your short conversations, you found out that he was a year younger and unexpectedly wanted to study chemistry in university. He was indeed the captain of his team and he loved his teammates as much as he loved the sport. You learned that despite his cat-like eyes, he loved dogs, and his hair was like that because it was his natural bedhead. You learned that all the walls you thought you built up felt absolutely paper-thin as your heart began to flutter in a way it hadn't for years, and your wrist pulsed so intensely in ways that it had never before. You quickly pushed that thought down as you reach the train station. When you thanked him and bid him goodbye, he casually waved and let out a half-grin half-smirk smile, and you thought that was unquestionably adorable. He waited until you were out of sight before he left to make sure you got on the train safely, and as you sat down on the train, you began tracing the words on your wrist.

For the first time in a long time, you noticed that the words were darker, and suddenly, your heart stopped, and you bit your lips as your heart started to ache.

~✩~✩~✩~

Black hair and gray eyes never really left your mind, but you tried not to think of Kuroo Tetsurou too much after that night because you didn't think you would meet him again. It was all in vain though because you found that you thought of him a lot whenever you saw red, and somehow, that happened to be your new favorite color. As you wrapped your red scarf around your neck during the end of winter, you bumped into someone in the chemistry building on campus when you were rushing to your next class.

"Whoah, easy there," he grabbed onto your arm before you fell, "Are you alright?"

It took you a few seconds to stabilize yourself before you nodded. "Thank you."

Just as you looked up, your eyes met his gray ones, and your surprise mirrored his as your mouth dropped a little. You didn't know if your face felt hot because of the chilling wind or the man in front of you.

"Kuroo-san," you said airily, "What are you doing here?"

"Hey," he nodded and smiled. "I'm checking out this campus. I got accepted into the chemistry program here. I didn't think I would run into you."

"Congratulations!" You exclaimed, "I didn't think I'd run into you either. I'm sorry, by the way, for literally running into you."

He laughed before brushing it off, and you laughed alongside him because his laughter was so contagious, and it was just so simple being with him. It was like you two fell into a comfortable pattern even though you've only had one conversation months ago.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have class in a few minutes," you began as the laughter died down. "How long will you be on campus? I'll treat you to lunch! As a congratulation."

"There's no need for that," he declined gently, "But I will be here for another hour or so, I think. I have a meeting and a tour with the chemistry professor scheduled soon. Let's meet for lunch?"

"Sure," you agreed happily.

"Here, put your number in, and I'll text you?" he handed you his phone.

"Kuroo-san," you began as you typed in your number. "You're so smooth." You laughed as you handed his phone back to him and left for class.

You didn't see the smile on his face nor the longing look in his eyes as they followed your retreating figure.

~✩~✩~✩~

With that, Kuroo and you began texting quite often. Often, you found yourself with your phone nearby at any moment, awaiting responses from him. He was an absolute dork and loved lame chemistry puns and silly memes, and he made you laugh like no others. He was sassy in a way, and sometimes he was just so easy to sass back. When you were talking with him, it felt like your heart was a little lighter from the endless cycle of failed experiments, lab reports, and vicious exams.

Once he started classes, you two began studying together quite often. Since you two had the same major and he was taking classes you already took, you gave him pointers on the key points and what the professors like the test on. While he hadn't taken your classes yet, sometimes he could reinterpret the concepts and notes you struggled with although he didn't quite understand the topic itself. It was so helpful that studying together quite often became more often than not, and late-night coffee runs and post-exam meals became a tradition. At one point during midterms week, you were quite sure you were at his apartment more than you were at yours, and Kuroo became Tetsurou before he became just Tetsu.

With all this time you spent with each other, you learned more and more about Kuroo. He was undoubtedly charismatic, and he loved to tease you and your poor sense of direction and inability to function before 10 am despite you signing up for 8 am classes. He was perceptive and keen on your emotions: he knew to suggest for a walk around campus to clear your mind when you were too stressed, he knew to send you lame chemistry memes and bring you food when you felt down about doing poorly on an exam, he knew to just hold you and let you cry when you felt hopeless about your future. Likewise, you cooked him meals for when his exam schedule was chaotic and he forgot to eat, you waited for him after exams to celebrate regardless of how he did, you lent him your lap when he was too tired to make it to bed. You were sure that you had one – or two, or three, who was keeping count anyway – of his hoodies from nights when you forgot to bring a jacket or were too cold after partying together.

Sometimes you do realize the two of you might be blurring boundaries a little during late nights when you talk to each other about your childhoods and fears, your dreams and aspirations, your favorite people and close friends. The lines were blurred when your hands brush and you would catch his eyes staring at your lips, and sometimes he'd hold your hand when your hands were cold, and you would wear his hoodies because they were comfortable and smelled like him. The lines blurred when he unknowingly leaving parts of him – pens, chemistry books, a volleyball, clothes – at your apartment, and you had a set of accumulated mismatched utensils and a toothbrush at his and even his roommate became a sort of friend of yours. Everything with Kuroo was just so straightforward and fun because he just understood you, and it terrified you to no end because of how simple it was, and you could just be you.

You tried to not think of this too much because you were scared that it was all in your head. You knew you were falling in love with Kuroo, and a part of you knew he felt the same. But you were hurt by love before, and you didn't want to be burned twice. You knew he wasn't your ex, but you didn't know yourself. It was like your head knew Kuroo was bad, bad news, but your heart just kept going forward, craving to be his presence, to be with him. With each night, you realized that your tattoo grew darker and darker.

You asked Kuroo if he believed in soulmates one day while you two were watching a movie at your apartment during a chill night in between exams. It was some sappy rom-com your roommate suggested before she left for the night, and you two decided it would be a good laugh since it looked so cheesy.

He looked straight into your eyes, his gray ones blazing and passionate, like he was looking through your pretenses and directly into your soul, before he whispered, "I do."

You felt so bare and vulnerable under his fierce eyes, and you couldn't face his intensity, so you pulled your knees up into your chest before you buried your face in them. You hesitated before you shared your next thought, "I fell in love once, you know."

Your heart felt so heavy as you said that. It happened so long ago, and you would think five years was a long time to get over someone. While you do think you were over your ex, the wounds he left scarred and carved an everlasting dent on you. Kuroo tensed a little from your statement but didn't say anything otherwise, but you caught his eyes never leaving your form from the corner of your eyes as he reached out to pat your head gently. He was waiting for you to continue.

"I was fourteen, and we had a total meet cute moment where I bumped into him around the corner and he caught me on my first day of school."

At that, he let out a small laugh, "Yeah, you do tend to bump into people."

"Shut up! I'm trying to tell my tragic backstory here!" You untucked your head from your knees to look at him and pouted, but you felt a little less smothered by your memories now.

"He was everything I could have ever asked for. He was cute and smart, and he had big dreams, and I wanted to be right there, next to him, when he made his dreams come true. Maybe I was just young and insecure, but I changed my whole lifestyle to cater to his. He was older than me and he was popular, so I did everything I could to impress him. I changed my hairstyle, learned how to wear makeup, got my cartilage pierced – twice! – to stand out. I would drop everything if he asked me to hang out. It felt like I was on top of the world."

You fell silent because you wanted to cry but nothing came out. You were a lot older now, and the pain dulled with time. However, the heartache never completely went away, and you wanted to fall apart. Seeing your distress, Kuroo pulled you from your ball form and into his lap, one hand on the small of your back to hold you, the other stroking your hair gently.

"You don't have to tell me, you know?" he whispered in your hair. "It's okay."

You only shook your head against his chest. "I became so captivated with him that I only knew me when I was with him, and I didn't know who I was before or without him. I built myself around him. I changed into his ideals, I fitted myself into his life without him trying to fit in mine, I became who he thought I was. But the tattoo never changed colors, and I waited and waited and waited for him to say those words, but he never did. When those illusions shattered, it was all over."

Kuroo only continued to stroke your hair gently, and you found the sound of his heartbeat rather reassuring. It kept you grounded as you trekked through your memories.

"I think I lost a part of me trying to love him," you finally managed to breathe out after collecting your thoughts.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to show the best parts of yourself to the person you love," Kuroo said as he shifted to rest his chin on top of your head and held you with both of arms.

"I don't know who I am," you whispered, sounding as broken and helpless as you felt. You were always open with Kuroo because he was someone you had absolute trust in. Being with him came so serene and warm, but you never felt as defenseless and raw when you told him your feelings. While you shared with Kuroo your childhood fears, it was never as deep as your number one insecurity. You hadn't opened up about how lost you felt without your ex in a long time, and honestly, you felt like you had no personality other than what you want the recipient to perceive. Your heart was aching, but something was soothing about Kuroo's embrace that kept you here, at this moment, instead of inside your head.

"But I know you," he declared confidently like it was the most natural thing in the world. "I know you hate mornings and can't get through the day without espresso even though you would much prefer tea. I know you grind your teeth when you're about to fall asleep even though you have no recollection of this every morning. I know you are super picky about your ramen portions because you get upset when your meat-to-noodle ratio gets off. I know you love the stars even though you hate going outside because you hate bugs, and you'd much rather be lounging around in my hoodies because they’re comfortable. I know you sometimes stutter and skip your words when you get excited about chemistry, but your eyes shine so bright and your dimples show when you laugh. These are just some things about you. I can tell you more if you're interested," he teased as he moved to look into your eyes.

Your eyes widened. The words you never thought you would hear ignited a fire in your heart and set ablaze on your wrist like you never felt before as you listened to him talk about you with so much love in his voice. Your heart, dejected and fearful, began to beat apace, pulsing quickly as your wrist continued to burn. You felt like your whole being was on fire, and you looked up from his chest to his eyes, searching and searching. You only found that there was nothing but the truth in his eyes, and your body felt electrified – time had stopped, and you could hear, feel your heartbeat pounding rapidly. Then, you tore your eyes away from his, slowly took off your bracelet, only to find the words tattooed on your wrist completely blacked.

His eyes followed your movement, and when he saw your wrist, he let out a shaky, "Oh!" Once he seemed to collect himself more, he reached for your wrist and kissed it.

"Looks like it's a match," he breathed out faintly as he took off his wristband, 'thank you for finding me' tattooed on his wrist, bold and black.

You stared at his tattoo, at him, and then averted your eyes as a feeble attempt to run away from the conversation. The tears you didn't know you were holding fell freely because you were so scared, so confused, so happy. You were a complete mess of emotions because he was everything you never thought you wanted. He was your rock, your best friend, your support in the past year, and you were not supposed to fall in love.

He recognized your change in emotions and gently slid his hands into yours. "Please don't run from me."

You stared around your apartment, hyper-focused on the long-forgotten movie in the background, scared to look at him because you felt so exposed. You didn't want him to know how you felt about him because when you were on a high, you can only fall from here. Being with him was your high, and while you were sure you could live without him, it was going to be a new low. Love was scary because it can break so easily. You were so scared.

"Look at me."

You looked up at him. He was always goofy and dorky, constantly teasing, and he always made you feel better about your worries because he always listened and fought your demons with you. But here he was, looking so seriously into your eyes, baring his soul and looking as vulnerable as you felt.

"I'm sorry," you began, not really knowing why you were apologizing in the first place. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" he questioned, hands never leaving yours and eyes never straying away.

"I just – " you paused, "I don't know."

"Do you love me?" he asked quietly. His voice soft, genuine, and almost inaudible, as if he was also scared to hear the answer. You felt afraid again.

"I'm sorry," you apologized again between sobs.

"Please answer the question," he pressed on softly before he took one hand off yours to wipe your tears.

"I do," you admitted after seconds of silence, "I do, Tetsu. I love you so much that it scares me because love breaks so easily."

You hiccuped and paused, trying to think of the words.

"It's okay to not think about it too hard, you dummy. Just tell me what you're thinking," he prompted, words kind and gentle, as he gently brushed his thumb over the space between your thumb and pointer finger.

"Okay," you promised, "I can try."

You breathed in and looked away from him, "I'm sorry because I love you. I know I can be overbearing. Love is scary because look, I'm like baring all my soul out to you right now. What if I lost you? What if you don't want to be around me anymore? What if you only think you knew me but the real me is just a disappointment? I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. I just – "

"I love you," he stopped you in the middle of your ramble.

You gaped at him because you can't believe your ears. You were unsure if you imagined that in your head as part of your ramble, and what if he was just saying that. Your brain was going into overdrive because you cannot think of why he would love you. Your eyes trailed away from his again because his stare was so intense and vivid, and you started to ramble again.

"Wait did you understand what I said? What if you started to lose interest in me? I'm just me and – "

"I love you," he repeated, more firm this time, gently tugging your hand to get you to look at him.

"But I – "

"I love you," he said for the third time, unyielding in his voice. You were so startled that when he nudged you to look at him again, you did. His eyes showed no hesitation, and you were an absolute mess.

"But what if I'm not enough?" you managed to choke out. "What if I'm not the one you're looking for? Wait, am I even making sense?"

"You are," he countered your worries, "Because I know you."

Your eyes widened as he said the words tattooed on your wrist again, and your world stopped. It felt like all the years of soul searching and heartache were disappearing. It felt like you found the part of you that you lost before. It felt like you can breathe again. You gasped as the tattoo on your wrist pulse rapidly once again alongside your thumping heart.

You couldn't believe this was happening to you. You spent so long being lost and now it felt like someone was calling you back home. You felt like you remembered what it was like to feel starstruck and soft, to feel okay to see the stars in his eyes. Your eyes trailed from your tattoo to his and finally to his eyes, and when you saw his dorky half-grin half-smirk smile, you smiled despite looking like a teary mess.

"Thank you for finding me," you whispered weakly and shyly, almost scared that this dream would shatter if you broke it.

"That's the second time you said it," he laughed loudly, his tattoo out opened for you to see.

You nodded slowly and a smile broke out before your laughter joined his. As you calm down from your laugh, you felt him staring at you.

"Can I kiss you?" he blurted, cheeks dusted with a slight pink, looking absolutely in love.

At that moment, you didn’t know why or how you doubted yourself – your worth, who you were, as a woman – when he looked at you like this, like you were the only one he saw in this world. "Okay," you whispered lightly before you leaned in.

He closed the distance between, and your mundane days of black and white burst into color and turned the grayed-out skies into a world of stars. It was like your soul finally found another who gave you comfort and peace while simultaneously setting your heart on fire and giving you starry night skies. He was your end and your beginning, and it felt like you were finally home.

~✩~✩~✩~

“How long have you been in love with me?” you questioned one day, laying on the ground with your hands folded on top of your stomach, eyes averted from your laptop. Your microbiology lab report final was due in a few days, and you were tired of looking at the data you’ve collected and the research books after the 25 pages you’ve already typed. So here you were, questioning your existence on this earth because school really sucked.

The sound of Kuroo's pen stopped, and your eyes trailed from looking at the wall of fairy lights and Polaroid pictures to him. He pursed his lips a little, balancing his pen on top, and leaned back into the couch. You stared at him as he sat in silence, lost in his thoughts, and your heart fluttered because he was just so stupidly handsome. If he wasn’t so absorbed in his thoughts, you had no doubt he would tease you for staring.

“I don’t know,” he answered finally, “My tattoo darkened when you came to our volleyball game in my third year of high school, and before I knew it, it just became pitch black.”

“Huh,” you thought out loud, “That far back?”

He grinned, “Yeah. I thought you looked like a mess when you kept walking around in circles. If you weren’t so cute, I would have reported you to the police.”

You gasped loudly and dramatically, “You watched me suffer for that long?! You suck!”

“Hey, I came to help in the end, didn’t I?” he countered without any bite in his voice, pouting a little.

“Yeah,” you smiled at the memory, “My hero in red. Thank you for finding me.”

At that, he got up from the couch and pulled you into his lap before nuzzling in your hair, “I’ll always find you, princess. Always.”

~✩~✩~✩~

You were already half asleep in bed when you felt the sheets rustle. You both had class early tomorrow morning, but you figured you can try to stay up as Kuroo finished his shower after coming home late from intramural volleyball practice.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he whispered, not wanting to wake you from your sleep.

"No," you mumbled half-lies, "Was waiting for you." You lifted the large blanket with one hand, signaling for him to get in.

He settled into the empty spot, and you threw the blanket over him as an attempt to tuck him in. "Don't lie to me, you dummy," he laughed, "I know you."

That phrase set your heart on fire every time because it felt so powerful, and it made you feel so whole.

You smiled lazily and looked for his hand under the sheets. He grabbed your searching hand and laced your fingers together. Your sleepy smile brightened, turning into a cheesing grin, and you tugged him closer to give him a quick kiss. "Welcome home."

"I'm home."

And those words never felt so right.

~✩~✩~✩~ 

You rubbed your groggy eyes as the sunlight shone through the blinds. You automatically reached beside you, patting the empty space where Kuroo normally laid. You puffed your cheeks in a pout before you saw it was almost noon on your phone.

On cue, the sound of sizzles and the scent of breakfast drifted through the door. Begrudgingly, you got up, wore Kuroo's discarded shirt by the bed, and headed into the kitchen to find him with only his stupidly sexy gray sweatpants and your cat apron on, grilling some salted mackerel pike.

You heard him softly hum the opening of the science anime you two were watching, and as you do every other day, felt so lucky that he was here, and he was yours. He was so beautiful, and in normal everyday moments like this, you felt so at peace, at home with him. Before you knew it, you walked up and wrapped your arms around him.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he greeted lovingly. “I started on brunch.”

“Good morning,” you mumbled in response before planting soft kisses on his bare back. “It smells great. But we’re going to turn into mackerel pike with all the mackerel pikes we’ve been eating lately.”

He laughed before he teased, "If you don't stop kissing me, mackerel pike won't be the only thing I'm eating.”

Even though you've been together for years now, he still made your heart flutter like he did the very first day. You smiled before grinning deviously and tiptoed to plant another kiss on his neck. “Maybe that's the point.” You paused before you pulled him down a little and spoke quietly in his ear as if to let him in on a secret, "I'm not wearing underwear."

You ran toward your shared bedroom laughing as you heard the clinking of the thrown spatula and discarded apron, the clicking of the now-off stovetop, and his footsteps as he ran after you. His long strides caught up to you in no time, and he easily scooped you up and carried you bridal style the rest of the way to the bedroom.

"That was naughty, princess," he whispered seductively in your ear. You felt his hot breath on your skin, and you were glad he was carrying you because he always could make you weak.

"Sorry baby," you wrapped your arms around his neck, eyes big and pleading, pretending to look innocent because you know it turned him on without fail to ruin that feign innocence.

"You don't even have to ask twice," he said as he slipped his hand under the oversized shirt you were wearing.

You kissed him fiercely while you repositioned yourself to wrap your legs around his waist, your hands in his hair. With your shirt now discarded somewhere in the bedroom and your back against the walls, preparation for brunch was long forgotten.

As he continued to tease you relentlessly between heated kisses, your stomach rumbled.

He stared at you, you stared at him, and you both blinked before bursting into laughter.

"Babe, was that your stomach?" he asked through his laughter.

"Yeah, pancakes and hash browns sound really good right now, to be honest," you answered truthfully, a little embarrassed but not ashamed. You were never ashamed of who you were around him.

"That does sound good," he agreed, "Well, I guess it's time to make some pancakes and hash browns then." He pulled his hands away and set you down with a teasing glint in his eyes.

You whined in frustration as his warmth left you, and not willing to stop, you pulled back him to you and nibbled on his ear before purring, "Daddy, you can fill me up first."

After, you found yourselves making pancakes and hash browns - with grilled salted mackerel pike that Kuroo was cooking before your interruption – for brunch. As you watched him eat, you caught a glimpse of his onyx black tattoo. Your eyes flickered to your wrist, tattoo matching in color with his, and you smiled fondly. He seemed to notice your smile, and although you were fairly sure he had no idea what you were smiling at, he smiled too.

Honestly, if this wasn't happiness, you don't know what is.

~✩~✩~✩~

you taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else.

~✩~✩~✩~

tags: @hoekaashi

[mooooooosicals]

Why is it that I just learned what neurodiversity was when quarantine started? Why did I not learn about it when I was younger? I'm just... It answers so many questions that I've been asking about myself for years.

Learning that everything I've felt actually falls under certain categories that go against the stereotypes I was taught... it both relaxes me and angers me. I just wish I were taught right from the start how it actually works.

I realize I've been being too vague so lemme give y'all some examples:

As a kid, I was always taught "person first language is more polite." And I thought I was being inclusive when I used it. Or when people say "go easy on them, they don't know any better," literally infantilizing them, and I just accepted it as "yeah, that's what I should do."

Believe me, if I could take back all the ableist actions I did before educating myself, I would do it in a heartbeat. I regret it deeply, and nothing I can do will ever cancel that out. Learning what I did during quarantine, a large amount of guilt took over me thinking back to everything I've done in the past. I hope I've changed for the better, but I cannot deny that I was in the wrong before learning.

Another thing that just absolutely tears me apart is that a lot, like a LOT of my traits are considered neurodivergent, but I was never taken seriously. I faced a lot of "oh, she's gonna grow out of that," "you're being a baby," "she's an only child, they're all like that," "what are you, [insert r slur here]?", "weirdo," and the one that hurts the most, "suck it up."

I always felt distant from other people, never being able to figure out why I couldn't connect with other people in the same way, say, my parents could. I understood that there was something... different about me, about the way I thought about the world, the way I communicated, but I couldn't put my finger on it. For 16 years of my life, I couldn't figure out why, why I was mocked so often, called a "crazy cat book girl," being the butt of every joke the Boys™ would make. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't function under triggering situations, like sudden loud noises, where I would literally go nonverbal. I couldn't understand why what I said was considered "rude" or how I was "talking too loud." I couldn't understand why tapping my foot or twirling my hair was bad and needed to be stopped. I didn't know why I got weird looks whenever I started talking about something I was enthusiastic about in class. I could go on and on and on and on and on for ages but this ramble is long enough as it is so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just. For so long. I couldn't understand myself.

Enter quarantine.

I turned to the internet to indulge on one of my new "intense obsessions" as I called it (another thing I always questioned, since when I was obsessed with something, I went all in, annoying everyone around me hehe). I met a bunch of people who happened to be neurodivergent, and when talking about their own experiences and realizing how much I related to them, I went into a panic.

For so long I was taught "you [neurotypicals] are above [neurodivergent people]" (which is wrong, on so many levels, we need to do better on education about this kinda stuff). Then, I find out just how much I have in common, and suddenly everything I thought I knew is put into question. Who even am I?

Ever since them, I've just considered myself a "spicy neurotypical" because I don't wanna offend anybody by labelling myself as neurodivergent and then being wrong, but recently I feel like that's changed.

I finally got through to my parents when they realized that I could not just "suck it up," I have traits that actually need to be addressed, and urgently. I honestly think it broke them, my mom in particular, because she always wants to be the best mom she can and to not have anything hold back her relationship with her daughter. I'm glad she finally is starting to see through my lens, but it's still gonna take a while. Still, I'm relieved in that aspect.

Ever since then, we've been pursuing a diagnosis of some kind, more specifically sensory processing disorder, so that when I go to college I can get accomadations. I won't have an official examination until August 4, just a few weeks before entering college on August 30, just a few weeks before I become a legal adult on August 26.

I had a meet up with one of the people who works with the psychologist the other day, to kind of get a sense of my situation. It was odd because they didn't just ask me about sensory stuff, but also about how I act. The more questions I answered about my behavior, the more I came to realize this wasn't just a sensory issue, but a behavioral situation as well.

My mom was on the phone with them the other day and-

They theorize I'm autistic.

You don't realize how emotional of a realization that is for me.

No dude, like I'm actually tearing up writing this.

If only someone could have told me this when I was younger.

If only someone could have told me this when I was at a Wiggles concert, having a meltdown because of the confetti canons.

If only someone could have told me this when I was overwhelmed by the flahsing lights and the loud pyrotechnics when watching Phantom Of The Opera.

If only someone could have told me this when I couldn't connect with my band section and I couldn't figure out why they were treating me as a kid when I'm older than some of them.

If only someone could have told me that it's okay. That I'm not a lost cause. I'm not immature. I'm not a weirdo, I'm not [words I can't repeat], I'm just. I'm just me. Just imagine how much trauma I could have avoided.

(disclaimer: these traits can be found in neurotypical people too. it's the fact that I have so many of these traits that gives me and others the reason to believe I could possibly be neurodivergent. However it's a whole spectrum of stuff, it's different for everyone. Don't use me as a resource. These are just my experiences.)

TLDR: As someone who is afab, we aren't taken seriously until it's too late. And it's extremely damaging.

We need to do better. Actually. We need to better.

(sorry this was really long, I'm just very emotional rn. might delete this later. I may not even be autistic or have sensory processing disorder or adhd or any of that. I may just turn out to be "spicy neurotypical." But who knows. I'm just,,, I'm just praying that I'll get my answers in time. The right answers.)

[ricksbowen]

Could you write an imagine where Ricky and y/n “hate each other” but actually have feelings for each other and it comes out because at a cast party they’re playing truth or dare or 7 minutes in heaven or something? Sorry if that’s confusing 😂

few more minutes | r.b

IN WHICH: ricky and y/n’s minutes in heaven needs a bit more than seven minutes.

INSPIRATION: feel good inc. — gorillaz

WARNING: this is pretty heated and there’s underage drinking.

A/N: trust me babe, your request wasn’t annoying at all <3 also, idk if i’m even allowed to write smut for ricky so i just wrote a make-out scene.

“Truth or dare? What are we, 12?”

“Apparently,” you heard Gina hum from beside you, leaning back on her elbows as she eyed the others situate themselves in a circle.

“It’ll be fun! Promise,” Carlos encouraged, clapping his hands excitedly as he placed an empty beer bottle in the middle of the circle.

“Yeah, stop being so pessimistic, bubbles,” Ricky remarked from across you, the scowl that appeared on your face enough to make him grin.

It was both your’s and Ricky’s fault why the whole cast was together on a Saturday night with alcohol, karaoke, and movies.

Miss Jenn’s suggestion of ‘hanging out to get to know each other better’ didn’t go as innocent as she might’ve thought. You were the designer for all of the sets, for Miss Jenn had found you walking out of detention for spray painting a mural in one of East High’s many empty staircases.

She made you her artist, as long as you promised her to never vandalize the school again — and you made that promise.

Already, you were known as a trouble maker. You didn’t fit in with any of the ‘theatre nerds’ ( a name you gave them before you fully knew them ) at first, but you all got along.

The only person that was never fond of you was Ricky Bowen.

You had met him due to your job in the play, and it was obvious since the beginning that you both couldn’t stand each other. You went out of your way to piss him off, whether it was by saying little remarks or giving him stupidly lovey-dovey nicknames that made him flush red. Whether it was with anger or surprise, you didn’t know, but he did the same thing to you. His favorite nickname for you was ‘bubbles,’ for he had caught you getting sidetracked from painting by blowing bubbles.

“Carlos, hurry and spin it before Y/N and Ricky start making out,” Ej commented with a laugh, his arm around Nini as she smiled at his joke from behind her red solo cup.

“Fuck off,” you groaned, the group erupting in laughs at your words. They always teased you and Ricky about the sexual tension that was almost suffocating at this point.

“Okay, I’m spinning!” Carlos announced, reaching towards the bottle and spinning it with one flick.

In a span of twenty minutes, Carlos had given you a lap dance, Ej’s hair was tied into little buns on top of his head, Big Red had done a handstand for five minutes straight, Ricky had to kiss Ej for specifically 23 seconds, and you had pulled your bra out from under your shirt and put it back on in a quick move. You were all giggly at this point, just a group of teens laughing at each other as they drank.

Big Red grinned as his spin landed on you— he had something up his sleeve. “Y/N!” Big Red sing-songed, making you roll your eyes with a smile. “Your turn! Truth or dare?” he asked dramatically, leaning back and nearly falling over as he did.

“Better give me something good, Redonovich.” You smirked, bringing the beer bottle back up to your lips and taking a swig. “Give me a dare, Reddie.”

Seb clapped excitedly, motioning for Big Red to move closer to him. “Oh my God! Big Red—“ His words were cut off as he whispered into Big Red’s ear, everyone else leaning in to try and listen. Seb moved away from Big Red, a crazy grin on his face that Big Red matched.

Clearing his throat dramatically ( he was a dramatic drunk ), Big Red pointed between you and Ricky, who had been quiet ever since you pulled the bra trick in front of him. “You and Ricky. Seven minutes in heaven in Ej’s room.”

“Wait— What?” Ej protested, Gina shushing him. Even she couldn’t help the growing smile on her face.

“Are you serious?” you asked with a laugh, looking at Big Red to see if there was a hint of teasing or joking in his face. Nothing; he was dead serious.

“Are you chickening out, Y/N?” Ricky snarked, making you glare at him as you cocked a brow.

Gina nudged you gently. “If you don’t wanna do it, we’re not forcing you.”

You looked at her for a moment, muttering a small, ‘fuck it,’ under you breath before nodding. You had nothing to lose, and life was too short.

Cheers of agreement rang through the group as you stood up, walking up to Ricky and offering a hand. He took it with an annoyed sigh, and you tightened your grip on his hand as a way to tell him, ‘stop being a dick.’

The both of you walked to Ej’s room, grumbles of, ‘This is stupid,’ and ‘If you breathe near me, I swear,’ being shared between you both. The group followed you, Ej’s strict rules of, ‘Don’t do anything on my bed or I swear—“

“Seven minutes in the room, babes! Unless you need more later,” Carlos said with a laugh, leaning against Ej’s door as you both stepped in.

“Don’t forget to pull out!” Was the last thing you heard before they closed the door on you, their laughs and remarks muffled by the door.

“This is bullshit.” You sat next to the door, legs criss-crossed as you ran a hand through your hair.

“You’re telling me. I’d rather be with anyone other than,” Ricky scrunched his nose for extra effect, “you.” He sat on Ej’s bed, letting himself fall back onto the neatly made bed.

“Holy shit,” you laughed humorlessly to yourself, standing up and walking closer to him. “Why do you hate me so much? I haven’t done shit to you!”

“Says you!” Ricky used his elbows to prop himself up, glaring at you as he did. “Ever since the day we met, you’ve been on my ass for every little thing! It’s just, ‘Wow Ricky, sing better!’ or ‘Holy shit, your dance moves suck!’”

“You’re not any better! How many times have you purposely scared me while I was painting so that I could mess up? Or those stupid little nicknames you gave me— what’s up with that?” you questioned, watching as he stood up from the bed with a scowl.

“Shut up.”

“Or what?” you challenged, chest touching his as you looked at him. Your eyebrow cocked up, a mocking smirk on your mouth “Aw, did I strike a—“

Ricky pressed his mouth to yours, his hands holding the sides of your face. You kissed back with the same amount of fervor, lips moving quick against his as all the sexual frustration you had towards him was let out. You moved closer, leading him backwards until he fell back onto the bed.

Ricky’s chest heaved, and you straddled him with a triumphant smile. You leaned back down, kissing him gently ( which totally caught him off guard ) before trailing kisses down his neck and leaving marks.

“Never thought you’d be the dominant type.”

“Shut up, Ricky.”

Ricky let out a breathless laugh that immediately stopped when he felt you grind down, his teeth catching his bottom lip to stop the moan that threatened to escape.

“What— cat got your tongue?” you remarked, moving down harder against him to try and get a reaction out, to no avail. He was keeping his noises back, trying to avoid giving you the satisfaction of hearing him.

So that was the game he wanted to play.

Before you could continue to be on top, you felt him pull you down, switching the positions in an instant as he hovered over you. His lips met yours once again, and you tugged at the bottom of his shirt to remove it. The clothing was soon thrown somewhere in the room, long forgotten and quickly joined by your own shirt.

Ricky swore he forgot to breathe when he saw you toss your shirt over your shoulder.

“Ricky?” you asked, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him. He shook his head, pressing his lips to yours quickly.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Your cheeks bloomed red, making Ricky grin sheepishly as he brought your lips back up to his. Ricky’s lips trailed down, down, down, leaving a mark right above your breast and listening to the panting moan you let out before he moved back up to your face.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” he asked softly.

“Never been more sure,” you replied, looking him in the eyes before kissing him again.

Your hands reached down to his jeans, the need taking over the both of you as you tried to get his clothes off. You giggled softly when he cursed his jeans, his hands reaching down to try and pull them off of him until—

“Do you guys need extra minutes?”

Big Red’s voice broke you both apart for just a second, chests heaving and breaths fanning over each other as Ricky gave you a wide-eyed look.

“Give us like, an hour!” you replied, hearing Ricky snort and try not to let out a laugh. From behind the door, you heard the groans of your cast.

“Pay up, Seb,” said Gina’s voice, victory evident in her voice. “I told you that they were gonna need more time.”

“I can’t believe they’re gonna have sex on my bed,” followed Ej’s voice.

“I’m gonna need new sheets.”

—

TAGS: @tomshufflepuff, @myrandom-fandomlife, @softpeteparker, @sarcarstic-space-weirdo

[analogseeker]

pls tell!

ok bet bet i shall !! its all under the cut :]

so, they are childhood friends. besties., they are both transgender (they only recognize eachother due to the names; they picked out eachothers names) !! peko is also somewhat apart of this, she is aware of ibuki's existence.

though due to fuyuhiko being in the yakuza he can't be seen hanging out with ibuki so they have to hang out in private. no one hangs out with ibuki because she's seen as too loud and weird, while no one hangs out with fuyuhiko because he's rude and a part of the yakuza.

but overtime, as they grow. due to fuyuhiko being a yakuza, he ends up pushing ibuki away ?? he'd slowly stop hanging out w her ... n ibukis like.. ahaha,, hii (acts like she doesnt notice him avoiding her. but very much does) oh ur busy again? ok ^-^ ,, talk to u later :]

overtime, he stopped showing up as often because he felt so bad. eventually he stopped showing up to the meeting spot and avoided ibuki any chance he could get.

ibuki kept waiting though. she never gave up.

years later she still waited. she wanted to have hope he'd come back but she knew too well he'd never show up again so she stopped showing up. but sometimes she comes n visits the spot

(when theyre older) one time fuyu spots her doing that n hes like. what r u doing.. weirdo.. n shes like ah its nothing jus where an old friend n i met up n fuyu is like OH SHIT. ??? he plays dumb n pretends he doesnt know who she is bc he feels so so So bad n just . it hurts him so so much.

ibuki soon goes and is like, you remind me of my old friend. a lot. i wonder what happened to him. i miss him a lot. n fuyuhiko is like. oh. oh this hurts a lot more im so so sorry . n ends up acting weirded out n runs off n ibuki is like., ah,, i guess he hates me huh. im annoying aint i.

after this event ibuki spirals n gets worse n is more closed off. tho she masks n fuyu knows her. rlly well so he knows n its sucks soo much bc he CANT help her. he wants to hug her

he doesnt want to hurt her n avoids that but in the process he makes everything worse

so! in the end she thinks fuyuhiko (both childhood friend fuyuhiko & current fuyuhiko) hate her because he got distant due to yakuza stuff (he never told ibuki just to keep her safe) & he didnt want her to get stuck into all the yakuza stuff , and that this new fuyuhiko is weirded out and hates her

anyways in school, now that they're older. fuyuhiko has this one sided rivalry with ibuki. ibuki is confused wondering is that him? no.. no. it can't be. i mean he hates me. he doesn't like me. .. its weird tho he reminds me of him. he always glares at me though. no matter what i do. what did i do?

peko was there too so she NOTICES ibuki n is like. young master- fuyuhiko,.-,, .... i think its her. n hes like WHAT?? MY RIVAL?? noo.. ur kidding lol! theyre nothing alike (they are very much alike; theyre the same person; current ibuki is just a bit more quiet and closed off due to fuyuhiko)

in the end its vv tension filled, eventually ibuki confronts him and asks why the hell he is so distant n why does he keep glaring at her., he doesn't respond n says its none of ur concern.